#i am a cruel god. but i am having fun
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Part 18
1.2
Zuli still hadn’t gotten used to the wet squishing sound his footsteps made through the mold. He wasn’t sure he ever would’ve, even if he wasn’t going to die in a few minutes. The manor was far too quiet, and the moldy squishing and squelching felt like the loudest thing in the world. But that didn’t matter now.
Zuli hadn’t visited Jade much since the others had dragged him outside for the last time, but he found that he remembered the way to him rather well.
Against the wall, on the lowest landing in the stairwell from the ground floor to the second floor, a huge mass of mushrooms had grown so big that these stairs were almost unusable. In the center of it, though it was almost impossible to see him, was the blonde-haired guardian.
Jade’s eyes were covered by the mushrooms completely now. He didn’t seem to be alive, but the whole cluster trembled with his movement when Zuli called his name.
“Z-Zuli?”
His voice sounded so hoarse, pained. Hopeful, uncertain, anxious. Zuli swallowed the lump in his throat.
“Hi. H…how are you feeling?”
Jade was quiet for a moment. It was impossible tell what he was feeling. “...Numb, now, mostly. The pins-and-needles kind, like when you’ve been sitting on your foot and cut off the circulation. All over. …It’s weird feeling it in my head. I don’t…like it.”
Zuli knelt next to him, and pulled a kitchen knife from the small basket he’d brought with him. Much to his relief, the mushrooms weren’t as bad as he’d thought. “I’m…I’m going to try to cut you out, okay? At least a little. I…don’t think I have enough time to get you all the way out.” He didn’t say why. He knew the Colony had full access to Jade’s mind, and what he heard, or saw. Mostly heard, now. He couldn’t risk the Colony trying to stop him and Mercury now.
The mushrooms on the upper part of Jade’s face shifted. Zuli could imagine the surprised look on his face.
“Th…the others aren’t nearby. But they might- they might start coming over, in a second.”
Zuli sighed. “I know. Just…hold still, okay? I don’t want to accidentally hurt you.”
Jade silently obeyed. The mushrooms were easier to cut through that Zuli had thought, for their size. Zuli did a little more ‘pruning,’ and soon Jade was able to sit up. He did so, his arms shaking from the effort.
“Zuli, I-“
His voice cracked. He reached one hand out, and Zuli took it without hesitation. Jade’s grip felt so weak, especially through the thick glove of the suit.
“It’s going to be okay.” Zuli set the knife aside. “We're all going to get out of here, okay?”
“…I don’t think we can get out anymore,” Jade said softly.
Zuli squeezed his hand. “We will. Soon. I promise.”
Jade was quiet for a moment. Then he started sniffling. Something wet rolled down his cheek.
Zuli reach forwards to try and comfort him, and then stopped. He stared at the rear for a second.
“…Are…are you crying? I thought…the mushrooms on your eyes..?”
“Huh?” Jade brought a hand up to his face. “…Huh. I…I think my eyes are the only things that aren’t hurting or numb right now.”
Zuli slowly picked the knife back up. “Can I…try to cut them off? You’ll have to be very still.”
Jade quickly let go of Zuli’s hands and propped himself up. “Please. I’ll be still, I promise.”
Very, very carefully, Zuli shifted into a kneeling position in front of Jade. Hopefully no one comes and startles him while he’s doing this, he thinks.
“Okay. I’ll be careful. If it hurts at all, tell me.”
He cupped Jade’s face in one hand, and began to carefully cut away the mushrooms.
Soon he realized that the mushrooms hadn’t grown out of his eyes; only over them. One bright green, slitted eye blinked and squinted at the sudden light.
“Zuli-!”
Zuli bit his lip. “Hold on. Just a little bit more…”
Jade closed his eyes, but a smile crept onto his face. Zuli kept going, taking great care not to cut Jade’s skin. Some of the mushrooms were starting to turn the same color as his skin. …Or maybe he was getting paler and starting to match the color of the mushrooms’ stems.
Trunks? Stems? Zuli didn’t actually know what the right word was. Oh well.
There were still little stumps from the mushrooms along Jade’s brow, but Zuli couldn’t find it in him to care. Jade could see again. He couldn’t imagine how scared he had been, not being able to see or move around in such a dangerous situation.
“There.” Zuli set the knife down again. “You can open your eyes now.”
Jade did. He met Zuli’s eyes and gave him a huge, happy grin, and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you! I thought they were in my eyes, too, but-”
He pulled back and gently held the sides of Zuli’s head. It felt strange through the suit. “I can see you again. I can see you!”
Zuli hadn’t seen him this happy since before all this happened. When it was just Obsidian to worry about. Zuli pulled him into another hug and held him tightly.
They stayed there for a while. Zuli didn’t know how long.
His mind swirled with all sorts of thoughts.
He needed to set the final part of his plan in motion, and soon. If the others came and found the other thing in his basket, they’d fuck it all up.
He missed Jade so much, though. So much had happened, and Jade hadn’t always been the greatest, but they’d still been friends. Jade had still tried to protect Zuli from some things Obsidian did, even if he didn’t realize how bad the rest was.
How long until the Colony realized that Zuli and Mercury were infected?
…Did it even know? Mercury said he’d take off the hazmat suit once he’d placed the bombs. But unless he’d run into the others, and told them Zuli was infected…
Huh. Maybe it didn’t know after all.
Maybe…maybe Zuli needed to encourage it to come in.
“Jade, I have to tell you something.” Zuli pulled away, and reached to the zipper behind him.
Jade’s eyes widened. “Wait, what are you-“
Zuli unzipped the suit. A rush of damp, suffocating air filled it, and he nearly gagged. It smelled awful in here. The suit didn’t smell very great, but outside of it was even worse.
“Zuli!” Jade grabbed his arms, not that there was anything he could do now. He looked terrified. But Zuli just shook his head, pulling the suit off of his upper half.
“Mercury’s infected. I was in his office with him when we realized, so I probably am too. The suit was just delaying the inevitable.”
Jade’s lip trembled. All the joy and delight had vanished, as if it was never there to begin with. Now all that was left was hopelessness and despair.
“...Oh, god, it’s coming,” Jade said suddenly, his head jerking to the side. His eyes seemed to see something beyond the wall next to him. “It’s coming.”
Zuli pulled a small plastic box from the basket before wrapping his arms around Jade again. His eyes stung.
He didn’t want to die. Not like this.
But it was the only way…
“I’m-” he choked. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t give you what you asked for the last time I saw you. It probably would’ve been easier than this.”
Jade hugged him tight. “I’m…I’m sorry too,” he said softly. “I haven’t been a great friend, have I?”
Zuli laughed shakily. “That’s okay. I’m…I’m glad you were here. You still made it better, a little.”
“It’s not going to kill us, you know,” Jade said, though it sounded more like a warning. “It’s just trying to merge with the manor.”
Zuli took a shaky breath, and held out the remote in his hand. Jade hadn’t seen it. “I-”
The building shook. The fungal growths around them and along the walls shuddered, spores falling from the ceiling, the mushrooms around them.
“I know,” Zuli finished. He clenched his teeth. “I’m going to do it.”
He pushed the button.
Another, larger tremor spread through the manor, and Jade tensed.
Zuli heard a deep, distant moan. It sounded…unearthly. He shuddered.
“You…You’re going to burn the place down,” Jade said in a hushed voice. “...It’s spreading so fast…The others are already trying, but they aren’t going to be able to put it out.”
Zuli chucked the remote to the side, and held Jade tight. He was starting to shake.
“Mercury couldn’t- he couldn’t find a cure fast enough. It- It’s the only thing I could think of. To keep it from spreading.” His vision blurred. “Fuck, why am I afraid now?”
Jade pulled back slightly and pressed his forehead to Zuli’s. He looked so calm. “For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing.” He offered Zuli a small smile. “It’s going to be okay. It’s going to hurt, but you can hold on to me. Or, if you’d rather, and you think you can make yourself do it, you can use the knife.”
Zuli looked over at the knife. The idea made his stomach churn. “I…I don’t think I can.”
Jade closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he said, “Then hold on to me. As tight as you want. I don’t think I’ll feel much of it.”
Zuli did. The fire hadn’t reached them yet, but he was so scared, now that it was actually happening.
It was so easy to think and talk about duty and sacrifice. It was much harder to actually commit to it. Even if he’d managed to push the button, every nerve and neuron in his body told him he should run. Run away, escape, get to safety. But he couldn’t. Even if he wanted to.
“...Can we try again next time?” Jade asked. “Being friends?”
Zuli smiled. “That…that would be nice. Maybe we can make silly snowmen again.”
“Or bake cookies!”
“You burned every batch of cookies you made when you stayed with us.”
“Not the last one! I was getting better!”
A strange sound was approaching.
“...Huh. I can hear Obsidian now.” Jade looked up. “He’s been silent for ages. …He says ‘thank you’.”
Zuli huffed. “Tell him I hope the fire follows him to the afterlife.”
“...He thinks that’s funny. And fitting.” Jade took a breath. “...It’s funny, you know. After something much worse happened, I finally realized how awful everything was here. For me. For you. He didn’t actually bring you out of the basement like he said he did, did he? He left you down there.”
Zuli nodded. “The whole time.”
Jade buried his face in the crook of Zuli’s neck. “...I kind of wish I’d gone back down there. He told me not to, and I know all it would’ve done is gotten me in trouble, but a part of me still thinks I could’ve done something.”
Zuli ran his fingers through Jade’s hair. It was dirty, oily, and the fungus had started growing in it. Zuli didn’t care.
It was getting hard to breathe.
“It’s too late for regrets,” Zuli muttered. It was getting hot, too. “For any of us.”
“I hope the others don’t come to their senses before they die,” Jade said. “I think it’d be better to die angry about foiled plans, then overwhelmed with guilt about what they did.”
“Yeah…I hope so too.”
The flames appeared around the corner, at the bottom of the stairs.
“...I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I think we mean it in different ways,” Jade said with a sad laugh. “But I don’t really care. I’m…I’m glad you’re here.”
Zuli wasn’t sure what Jade meant. But he said, “I am too. I’d be too scared to face this alone.”
The fire took no time in rushing up the stairs.
Soon enough, it had engulfed them.
#Untitled.MP4#JMV Zuli#JMV Jade#Major Character Death#Untitled.MP4 Bad Ending#poor boys#holds them gentol#i am a cruel god. but i am having fun#Moonfur Writing
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Lmao okay wait. I got asked that question about Feyre/Bryce/Aelin and I went down a lil rabbit hole and somehow ended up on a subreddit of people arguing over who would win in a fight if it were Feyre vs. Aelin.
And I am CACKLING right now because it seems like the bulk of people on that thread think Aelin would win, and the people who think Feyre would win are SO. UPSET. Like they are BIG MAD that anyone would think Aelin would win hahahahahaha
I'm cackling. I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard omfg. People really do 100% project themselves onto Feyre. They really think they ARE Feyre!!!!! I'm crying. Send help I can't breathe 😂😂
#lmao it's so stupid#idek how I ended up here#but I am just CRYING at these people LOSING THEIR MINDS 😭#these are old threads to be fair#but it's funny as fuck seeing everyone get so butthurt omg#what a nice little comedic rabbit hole that was#10/10 would highly recommend#the funniest part is that the people who think aelin would win are conceding to certain points#but the people who think feyre would win are losing their minds ahhaahahahaha#i'm being such a dick today my bad you guys#i don't even have an excuse for being a dick#my b my b#update: someone said feyre wins against aelin because she can wear a cruel mask#i genuinely can't stop laughing pls send help#(I feel the need to clarify that I literally don't care about this debate but BOY OH BOY...#(...am I having a TIME seeing ppl who think they ARE Feyre argue about this ahhh this is so fun omg)#oh god I hope a feyre or feysand stan sends me hate for this post#PLSSSSSS
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I am obsessed with how narratively convenient Lark's divinatory abilities are. She's the only one of the protagonists who is both pragmatic and has a working sense of self-preservation, so having some internal impulse that is actually the guiding hand of the cosmos pushing her into doing the REALLY stupid shit is both necessary and really useful.
Like, I am the type of writer who kind of scoffs at the idea that characters are beyond the writer's control and will completely screw over your outline, because on one hand, a sensible outline will follow the characters' personalities and tendencies anyway. Obviously in an ensemble cast you will need to do some wrangling, but in theory your characters are responding to varying degrees of stimuli in order to maneuver them into the places you need them to be for things to all come together in the end.
But more importantly, "curse from god" is the funniest and easiest way to push any character to do things beyond the realm of reason when necessary, and frankly, what the fuck is the point of playing god if you don't embrace that?
#midst podcast#midst spoilers#cr meta#anyway at all times I am advocating for taking full responsibility for your characters and overall story#this is also why I laugh at those posts like 'um if you're not going to treat your characters right then you shouldn't get custody of them'#sorry babe there is no CPS in my head. I am the cruel custodian and these are my poor darwinian orphans.#that's a joke but really like. look. yeah sometimes you gotta fabricate scenarios to make characters do what you want#but like... you do that by going 'who is this character and what would it take to push them to x'???#and especially in an ensemble cast sometimes that thing is 'curse from god' or 'divine insight'#fun fact: I LOATHE that post about 'my writing teacher made a joke that the characters are driving and the writer is locked in the trunk'#absolutely fucking hate it.#because THE WHOLE POINT OF FORMALLY LEARNING WRITING IS LEARNING HOW TO BE INTENTIONAL.#it is perfectly possible to write successfully without ever having a formal teacher but IF YOU HAVE A FORMAL TEACHER. UH.#like yeah yeah 'workshopping' but like. okay go build your own workshop group don't pay somebody jfc#(cuz it's not like most creative writing teachers know how to teach you to workshop. let's be fucking real.)#if you wanna learn how to workshop take a script class for the love of god.#ANYWAY rant over but I'm correct. the highest purpose of a writer is to be a control freak and to play god.
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people sometimes pity me when i say i’ve never been in a romantic relationship and often it’s because they view romantic love as the highest form of love. they assume i am this unloved thing. but they don’t know that my friend sends me voice memos of himself laughing at my jokes, and my other friend and i copy each other’s mannerisms bc we spend too much time together and they don’t know that every love poem i’ve ever written was written for a platonic love and they don’t know that my best friend’s boyfriends hear my name long before they meet me and they don’t know that my best friend tries to make me food every time i go to his house and they don’t know that we do each other’s dishes and make each other memes and tackle each other with laughter at the local park under the orange glow of the street lamp. they think i am unfulfilled. they think i am missing out. they have no idea how my cup overflows.
#and i have mutuals who tell me about their day and their thoughts and trust me not to make fun of them or be cruel and and and#God i don’t regret a single day of my life#i hardly think i’ve missed out on anything at all#all the love i’ve given has come back to me somehow… even if not in the ways i would expect#waves of friendship wash over me over and over and over again and i am formed by that love.#bffs
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"Do you not realize it? Do you... truly not see what this means?"
The next Destiny Bond update is in progress! ❄️✨ –> Check out the latest part here 🔷 –> New to the series? Follow from the start! 💜
#we back for the winter season bois :} ☃️#got some Particularly Fun parts I wanna have done before the end of the year--that I'll hopefully have time to do over the term break !!! 💫#it's actually so? insane? how we're nearing the end of the year already??????????????HUH#just a little over a week and some Ridiculous cramming I'll have to pull off (no thanks to past me sdskjfs) before I'm free for the holiday#I mean I'd--still have freelancing to do of course but without the looming dread of actively avoiding college responsibilities at least /lh#it's even more insane somehow looking back on when I actually started this whole comic that spiraled Wildly out of controlSKDJFNSDFS#to think that this all started from a prompt I had a few days after my birthday--into its own whole story I wanna see through is---#honestly something I'm really proud of. something I'm really happy I got to do for myself since it's-above all a passion project if anythin#I'm a lot slower these days what with juggling my own mental crises here and there on top of work for sure#but I get to come back to working on this whenever I find myself feeling down or with some free time to unwind and it's--really nice 💖💕#and we're still in the beginning I swear to god we're still so early I'm so sorry this is gonna take so longSDHFIUSHDNFKJSDHS#but it bears repeating how thankful I am to everyone who's joined along for this ride- who've been so wonderful and patient thus far#to know that even a handful of people out there tune in to this silly ol thing and are genuinely excited for its sporadic updates--#--has been a definite highlight in what's been a- Ridiculously--almost comically cruel year (in ways I can't begin to express skjdfnsdfs)#and what with this holiday season being all about giving and gratitude---I want to emphasize on how thankful I am for all of y'all 💖💖💖#I'll see what surprises I can sneak in to my schedule these coming weeks- the insanity of these following updates included hehee ✨#Destiny Bond comicverse#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#pokemon#pokemon fancomic#pokemon gsc#pokemon hgss#comic wip
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tonight's game is: am i a terrible person and not feeling any emotion or am i just deeply suppressing my feelings
#god. this is not fun#two of my friends attempted suicide but thankfully failed within the past 2 weeks#and i'm finally beginning to Think about it. but why hadn't i thought about it before??#but also there is no time to think about it i have maths homework and it's 8pm#shit man#and also this isn't even about me or my feelings#how am i feeling so little. am i that cruel and uncaring#ok no time to unpack this today. tomorrow after school i have counselling for the first time in a while hopefully then i can. yeah#fuck i feel helpless and selfish#oscar.exe
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I changed my mind. Hater behavior is undeserved, when it comes to works, & idgaf about holding creators accountable when their games are mid, anymore.
#em.txt#now i only care about how you treat your workers tbh#so there are still series i hate. but now I don't want to be mean to people who put time & effort into making shit#this is about post shift 2. people were too fuckin mean to Rjac for a game he made for free#& as a bitch who loves that game a lot i see your criticisms i understand. but you're not gonna be mean to him abt this#that fucking teen that held that interview & told him he needed to be held accountable for his mistakes. god#he made this shit for free across four years. what can happen in four years? what did he work through?#to deliver you a free game. even if you don't fucking like the game if you invite a creator on to talk about their works#you don't fucking talk to them the way uyeah did. shit was cruel & uncalled for.#this game is fucking good but it's forever going to be burried as a game that's complicated with weird tutorials#ps2 is fun. you should try it. if you don't get it -- ask. I'll answer any question at any time#i will vc you i will write a text doc -- whatever you want. more people need to experience this fucking game#it's compelling in a way few games are to me.#i can homestly only compare it to rain world but not for a reason that's overt & easy to explain. more in how it feels to play#rather than what you do.#man. idk. i gotta learn how to talk about shit i love without being mean now#this started because i was talking mad shit to my friends & it asked me to stop because i was downtalking something she loved a lot#& i realized this isn't fun for people. i thought we were having fun but tbh? I'm just a mean negative bitch#& that's not fun. that's mean.#i have to redo this character arc from when i was 13 because i guess I didn't learn it the first time around#cynicism doesn't make you funny or cool. it makes you mean & unfun to be around. finding kind things to say is tougher.#if you can present your criticism nicely then maybe you can criticize too#but that alone does not a good critique make & it definitely don't make you fun at parties#listen. i am still gonna be a bitch. but i am going to be less of one.
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Thinking someone is a good person, and then learning their sins, and having to unlearn all the good things about them because they're meaningless without unless that person is in Christ...
That's like they're laying dead in your arms, and then they revive and do something good, but you can't allow yourself to feel good about it because you know they're just going to die again
#please stop dying i love you#this is why we are only meant to love God because caring about humans is a sick sick cruel trap that never stops punishing you#this is about a stranger I'll never meet btw so just imagine how absolutely pathetic of a person i am to feel like this#can you please take my ability to feel away Lord it just makes existing hurt#I'll have to watch everyone i care about that isn't baptized and living holy eternally suffer one day. fun 🙃#i'll probably delete this later
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what a fucking weekend!!
#pride is fun but good god am I glad it’s over#very cruel summer vibes (crying like a fucking baby coming home from the bars)#I am sunburnt#sleep deprived#and covered in glitter despite two showers#saw my exes at the party we met at last year!#ended up having big feelings about it!#I did make this shirt though!
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o shit
#guy who has to write a discduo fic as someone completely agnostic to cdream and actively a hater of ctommy#and therefore doesnt know the lore except in passing . OOPS#its ok i am a researcher. i got this.#dreamteam dot fandom dot com you are so poorly written but you are genuinely so valuable to me.#i wld be dead without her.#shrug its ok. i dont even have to write the whole tihng#whatever whatever whatever. i'll learn enough and it'll be finnneeeee.#rat.op.tag#rat.fic.tag#okay im not COMPLETELY agnostic on cdream i just dont actually give a shit. he can be fun in fics but in canon i can't stand him just becau#e people get more annoying to me when i can actually hear what they're saying.#ok after having read the summary on his page:#jhfjhdkgjksfksfkdfjg thinking about how much i hate tommy. oh my goddddd.#its not even that much because he's fucking annoying its just like. oh he wants to be a bully soooooo badly.#i dont even really think thats true but like jesus christtttttt.#yeah make the new guy your accomplice in a completely unnecessary and just asshole-ish crime. done for no reason.#yeah blame niki (the person you and wilbur left to fucking rot under the schlatt administration)#can we call it self destructive tendencies if he's just hurting other people for fun.#im sympathetic to him yk but. ohhhh my god.#the wiki says like#jack visited him one time and tommy pushed him into lava then shot him. but uh he was in a really dark place. also hes#minor. also he forgot about killing jack.#like. is it reasonable to say its because he was in a Really Dark Place when he would've done that shit at any point in his past just as#easily w no remorse. like can we really use the But He Has Depression angle here.#i will admit it doesnt seem that applicable.#anyways. beginning of the exile arc makes me so mad. all of this shit is his fault#NO the exile was not proportional. no it was not good. but also. he did that???#dream ??? had accepted a middleground???? and then tommy just had to be an asshole?? and ruin things AGAIN ???#im js saying. if he was like. good at fighting. or had any exceptional skills. he would be as cruel as dream if not leagues more.#he is only seen as an uwu softboy because he was 16 and not strong enough to actually do anything to anyone.
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got most of the way through emilie's story quest before maintenance started and ough. it was made for me
#personal stuff#thorn plays genshin#fun flower setup leads to a murder mystery!! tragic siblings!! [x2!!] collei is there!!!#baizhu [handshake] emilie: story quests that directly bolster the themes of the fic i'm writing#seriously though. the grief of losing one's siblings + more proof of what a delusion can do To People mentally and physically#like god yeah. i remember teppei looked old but it never really occurred to me that oh. yeah delusions do Age People#that's so fucked up#and the idea that a delusion's influence can be a long and slow process is also SUCH good material.#the others we've seen dying from using them [crepus and teppei] have been immediate or in a very short timeframe not. Years#also delusions turning black instead of grey like a masterless vision is So interesting and fun#the emphasis on people's Obsession wrt delusions...#yeah. yeah. we know from scara that delusions [god's remains] feed off of anger but obsession was smth i was also considering#what drives someone to use a delusion? to grasp at a blasphemous power they haven't Earned in the eyes of the gods?#it has to be obsession. if visions are a product of ambition then delusions are products of obsession. ripping and tearing.#also. collei.#her empathizing with the situation and mentioning she's dealt with the effects of delusions before... yeah.#thinking so so hard about the manhua and how much she's changed#ALSO SO CRUEL OF THEM TO USE RAINBOW CRADLESONG.#IN A GOOD WAY i'm glad they're reusing event themes#it's just ough. ouugh. such a good track.#finishing up the quest. CANON FLOWER SYMBOLISM WOOOO. CROWD CHEERS SO SO LOUDLY.#also ''love and hatred are a privilege of the living'' why am i getting jumpscared by blade
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god forbid i have a little fun and have my star sign in bio. whatever.
#im not like one of those people who takes it super literal and bases my whole life on it#but my god life is short and cruel and i am having fun with my little horoscopes#shiba noises
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You know, when I was 21-22, my writing was...okay. It was serviceable enough for what I needed it to do, but it wasn't great by any stretch of the imagination. But I remember thinking it was just THE best thing ever, and I gotta say I was a lot happier with that outlook.
#like this is a hobby. to do for fun. it literally doesn't matter. might as well think it's awesome and feel good about myself.#sadly I cannot magically make myself do this#god if you told me I would miss aspects of being a senior in college I would have yelled at you lmao#*sigh* but we press on. I am going to finish a project if it's the shittiest thing on earth#(granted that's a subjective evaluation anyway. see: every opinion on art I've ever had.)#idk it's like...the most embarrassing thing people can think of is someone who thinks what they made is good when it's (according to#whatever “measurement”) not. instead of being cruel or willfully unsympathetic or something. being needlessly mean and refusing to see any#situation with nuance will always be the definition of “cringe” behavior to me.#and I'm not doing that while writing. so theoretically what's the harm in thinking it might be (or is) good?#...wait.#shit.#oh I just realized something.#that's. that's another internal compulsion GODDAMMIT.#(tldr is that sometimes compulsions can involve things like repeating words or phrases to yourself. internally or externally.)#(and me going 'nothing I do is good' over and over is. that.)#(what is the REASON for that? well you see if I think I am better at something than I actually am I will turn into the most#horrible selfish monstrous insufferable dangerous person. why? idk I just will.)#I HATE THIS DISORDERRRRR#at least I Figured Something Out.#and at least now I can have a motivation of 'continuing this means mental illness brain doesn't win'
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Lykirī
PAIRING: Aemond Targaryen x wife!reader
WARNINGS: loss of virginity, fingering, oral sex (f and m receiving), handjob, we ride him bitches, dom/sub tones if you squint
WORD COUNT: 8.9k
Author's note: an early Christmas gift for those who celebrate!! For those who don't, just a regular smutty piece. This was based on a request where wife!reader rides Aemond. Merry Aemondmas :)
MASTERLIST
taglist: @zae5 @multyfangirl @arcielee
"You are to marry the King's second son. Prince Aemond Targaryen."
Those were your father's words. Your sister had looked at you almost with pity and a hint of relief since that fate had befallen you and not her. You had simply nodded, accepting the fate decided by your father, just as thousands of other daughters before and after you would have done.
Your mother had come to comb your hair before going to bed, and without much ado, she had told you what would happen after the wedding, after the banquet.
"All you have to do is try to relax your nerves, and I promise it will be less painful.”
The thought had stuck in your brain until the wedding day. And the aura emanating from the prince didn't help. He was stoic to the point of looking like a statue, his posture rigid as a spindle, and there was something unsettling about him that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand when he took your hand to recite the wedding vows. Fear, but also a foreign giddiness prickling your skin upon feeling his calloused fingers around yours.
The banquet had not helped either. Prince Aegon had behaved like a court jester, drinking to the point of wondering how he could stand upright, poking his brother with cruel jokes about his eye and a whore who had made Aemond a man many years before.
You didn’t know what kind of unpleasant memories your good-brother had just summoned in his brother’s mind. That woman and her cheap perfume, that way it had clung to his skin, to his thoughts for days after his only ever trip to Flea Bottom.
Then the elder Prince had approached you with his breath stinking of Dornish and it was then that Prince Aemond broke his icy silence, standing up abruptly and looking down at you. "Come, wife. It is time for us to retire."
Prince Aegon had clapped his hands as if in front of a hilarious show, saying "Finally some fun! The bedding!"
The entire crowd present at the banquet had escorted you to the prince's chambers. The servants had removed your dress, leaving you in your underskirts; you had unconsciously covered your chest, crossing your arms to hide from the greedy eyes of the men peering in the doorway, Prince Aegon in the front row with yet another cup of wine clutched between his fingers.
Master Mellos invited you to lie down on the bed, and you obeyed, swallowing, while a host of servants shielded you from view as the Maester made his humiliating inspection.
"All is in order, your Graces," the Master informed the Prince and Queen. And that was enough for Aemond to completely slip the iron mask off his face and go straight to the door. "The show is over. Get out."
"Oh, come on, little brother. Let me watch, at least. I could give you some tips."
Aemond had towered over his brother, and from your seat on the bed, you were able to see the eldest brother shrinking by the moment. "This is not some common whore you're speaking of.” Aemond seethed “She is my wife, and you will owe her the respect she deserves. One more lewd word from your mouth, and I will rip your tongue with my bare hands. Am I being clear?”
"Gods, brother, are you already so cunt-struck?"
He never got an answer, only the door being slammed right into his face.
You stood in the middle of the room, torturing your hands as he looked at you from the door. He seemed unsure of what to do, until he cleared his throat and took a few tentative steps in the room.
“You could have some wine, if you wish. It may…help you.” He said, but as he said this, he seemed to regret his own words, given how his mouth twitched as if he had just tasted something sour. Memories could come just like that, sudden and sour.
“You must relax, my prince. Have some wine, maybe? No need to worry, I will take care of you just as a prince deserves to.”
“I’d like to keep my mind clear, my Prince.” You said, keeping your gaze down, hearing his fast and deep sigh. “Fine.” he said, straightening his back as a soldier. After all, wasn’t this just another duty?
It wasn’t just that though. You were his wife now, the future mother of his children. It was his duty and his right to claim you as his own.
“Lay on the bed.”
With your heart pounding in your ears, you did as you were told but when the mattress dipped under his weight, you did not expect to see him with his clothes still on, the eyepatch firmly in its place. More so, you did not expect the harshness of his gestures as he held your waist to turn you around. The air hitched in your throat as your face met the mattress and a strange sorrow gripped your heart. Did he not want to look at you? Did he not like you?
“Try to stay still and it’ll be over shortly.” he said. He was trying to sound reassuring, but his voice came out cold and flat. His fingers latched on your underskirts, hiking them up, filling you with embarrassment as you grow completely exposed beneath him.
Aemond knew what to do. He may not have been as depraved as his brother, but he was still a man. And once in a while, when his hands would not suffice, some maid or servant girl would’ve had to bear, quite keenly on their part, his intimate attentions.
As his hands began to glide on your thighs, you shivered and said “Wait…”
Slowly your head turned to look at him, cheeks red and breath slow and anxious. “Am I not allowed to look at you?”
Your words seemed to stun him for a moment. The mere thought of you wanting to look at him made him realize how wrong he was behaving. You were his wife, not a common whore to bend over and have his moment of bliss. He had even told Aegon. That was not his intention, but there was a gap between how he felt and how he acted, a limb severed by years of pity looks and feelings trapped in his mouth and swallowed.
Almost gently, he made you turn but once you were facing him, he pinned your wrists on the mattress, unable to touch him even if you had gathered enough courage to do it. You tried to brace yourself for what your mother had told you. But she had not told you that he would touch you there, that all your senses would go numb except for that one brand new feeling between your legs. But he seemed enthralled by it just as you, his mouth parting to let out slow puffs of air as you grow wet and swollen against his fingers.
Your breath was labored, coming out in soft pants that made your cheeks purple. More so because he kept circling his deft fingers on your core while looking straight into your eyes, reveling in the way you were answering to his call, in the way he was shaping your need, your desire.
“You never touched yourself, did you?” he asked in a husky voice.
You barely shook your head and his eye glinted with something dark as he brought his face close to yours “Good. I shall be the only one inside you.”
He swallowed your shaky breath with this mouth, kissing you for the very first time, apart from the shy, almost prude peck exchanged after the wedding vows. Your lips moved shyly, trembling with the coiling pressure between your legs. And just when you thought this heat, this delicious aching couldn’t grow more unbearable, he sticked a finger inside you, spilling a loud moan right against his mouth.
One of your wrists twisted in his harsh hold, willing to touch him, to grip on something, but he didn’t let you. “Easy…” he blew on your lips “Relax. It’ll feel good, I promise…”
It surely felt good to him, to feel the tightness of your cunt squeezing his finger. He curled it and you squinted your eyes, choking a gasp that made him smirk proudly against your jaw. “Gods, you’re so tight…” he breathed as he kept rubbing slowly against your walls.
“It’s—it’s too much—“ you cried out with pain and pleasure running together, breathing his scent of ash, leather and a hint of something minty.
“How will you take my cock if you can’t even take my finger?” He whispered with benevolent cruelty, moving his finger faster and deeper.
Certainly your mother had not told you of the obscene wet sounds you would hear, of the uncontrollable moans coming out of your mouth, of his soft growling next to your ear when his breeches became too tight.
He had lined the tip of his hard manhood to your entrance, catching your breath away as tried to still your nerves, but the pain came altogether. You felt like he was cutting you from the inside. Tears filled your eyes, squinting for the painful stretching. You knew he was restraining himself; he didn’t want to hurt you more than he already was. And you almost felt affection for him, most men would not have bothered.
Then he had started to move, you felt that stranger body rubbing over and over against your walls, and finally the pain soothed, but not completely. You could tell he was enjoying it, his ragged breath and faint moans told you so, as well as the curses hissed through his teeth in a language you guessed was Valyrian. And then he had stilled completely, gripping your hips hard and firm while you felt a hot wave pulsing through your core.
The next morning, you could barely sit down for breakfast, and your aunt had looked at you with concern and a hint of amusement in her eyes. She was a veteran at court, a long-time widow, and quite happy to be so. It was her who suggested your betrothal to the Prince.
"How are you feeling, sweet niece?"
"Awful." you said promptly, shifting your weight on the seat.
"Well, this is the kind of anguish all women must go through."
"I thought that was giving birth to another human being."
"Oh Gods, no. That is the ugly part. This is the good one," she said with a sly smile "I suggest you enjoy it as much as you can."
At the time, you didn't really understand what she meant. The first night with the prince had gone...well, you thought. But he certainly enjoyed it more than you.
The second time was better. Your muscles were still sore, but the pain was but a faint discomfort compared to the pleasure you felt for the very first time in your life.
The third time he went down on you, bringing you so close to the edge only to deny your release, with cruel enjoyment on his part, making you whine with shame at the loss of his mouth and tongue on your folds.
The fourth time he bent you down on the breakfast table, all things falling in a mess of cutlery. He had pulled up your skirts and lowered his breeches just enough to thrust in, unraveling a special spot deep inside of you that had you mewling like some primitive beast.
The fifth time he had you writhing in bed, hair stuck to your head with sweat and hands clenching the sheets while he had you peak three times in a row.
It was then that you started to think your aunt was right.
That was indeed the good part.
“Are you afraid?” he asks, with a soft taunt on the tip of his tongue. You drag your eyes away from the gigantic beast before you and almost scoff. That is enough for him to laugh, quietly, but still not quietly enough for you to not notice and wonder at the view.
It’s been merely one moon since you’ve been married to Prince Aemond, and you could count on the fingers of your hand the times you have seen him laugh. It was eerie at first, you feared all the things you heard about the One Eyed Prince were true. That he was cold as stone and just as hard. And he was. But the more you spent time together, the more you were able to make cracks, and let light through.
“I’m equally afraid as any little mortal of right mind would be in front of the largest dragon in the known world, my dear husband.”
His lips stay quirked up, but his eye widens, as it always does when you call him that. He steps close to you, a few of his long strides are enough for him to tower over you, and the ground below your feet shifts.
“Come.” He says, taking your hand, “I promise she won’t eat you.” This time you deliberately glare at him, and he raises an eyebrow. “Do you need some other kind of persuasion to trust me? Perhaps like the one I used this morning?”
The early afternoon sun makes his face almost hurting to watch, or maybe it's just his bold gloating that makes his appearance so exhausting.
“That was not persuasion.” you remark, hiding the tinge of red on your cheeks “It was coercion.”
“Hmm. You didn’t seem so hostile when I made you come twice before breakfast.”
"I was hostile to the chance of the maid assisting with what we were doing."
"The maid should know better than to enter while my wife is undressing."
His eye roams over you just as he had done that morning, hunger clouding it, making your insides shrink. "Perhaps it's best if she knew. Someone must be aware of how cruel my husband is." there's a soft tease in your tone—something you are still learning, but true nonetheless.
He had ripped your nightgown with his bare hands when the maid entered to help you dress. She fled hastily, but you barely spared a glance at her, already lost to the fierce claim of his hand between your legs. He had taken you, twice, and then ordered you to dress, forcing you to have breakfast with the Queen and the Princess with your thighs still sticky with sex, sticky with him.
And he had been there, sitting just in front of you, with a piercing and delighted gaze.
He pulls your hand, and you follow, getting closer to that living relic that is Vhagar, Queen of All Dragons. She raises her monstrous head and looks straight at you with her amber eyes.
It is the first time you step so close to her, and even if you thought about it a lot, your heart is pounding fast, and your breath comes out slow and labored. She's a dreadful wonder.
She flares her nostrils and smells you, making a low rumble which results in a gust of hot wind that ruffles your hair and skirts.
“Lykirī, Vhagar.” Aemond says quietly “Issa ñuha ābrazȳrys. Kostā pāsagon zirȳla.”
You look at him questioningly, and he answers. “I told her you are my wife. And she can trust you.”
You cast a curious look at the dragon and then back at him “Is that all it takes? You tell dragons to trust you, and they resist the urge to turn you into their meal?”
Aemond curves his lips and makes you step closer, standing behind you and guiding your hand on the old green scales. “It takes much more than that.” he whispers in your ear “You have to surrender to them, completely. A dragon is no slave.”
You feel the heat beneath your palm, but it’s not that that makes you swallow; it’s the heat of his breath on your neck, right into your ear, scorching his way into your brain and inflaming every thought.
“What does Lykirī mean?” you ask, and you hate how your voice cracks on the edges.
He smirks because he knows, he always does. But he does not answer. Instead, he pulls your hand again, and you follow, circling the beast until stopping before the intricate ropes that lead to the saddle.
“Aemond, I don’t think—”
“You are my wife and you will ride with me on dragon back.” He said, commanding.
Truthfully, you gladly want to obey; there is just a slight difference between picturing riding a dragon and doing it.
Even the climbing to get in the saddle is a challenge on its own, but he helps you until you firmly seat yourself in it. Aemond sits behind you, and you look around with widened eyes, as if you are looking down from the highest tower ever built, except this is a living one, made of fire and breathing fire.
He leans over you to grab the reins, and you tense, waiting with bathed breath.
“Dohaeras, Vhagar. Soves!”
She lets out a loud screech that makes your ears hurt, but you have no time to even register it because she's already moving. You grip Aemond’s arms and brace yourself against his chest when Vhagar lurches onward and opens her huge wings to take flight.
She goes up and up, above the clouds, and your head is dizzy, with fear, with euphoria, until you are laughing like a child, like you never did in your entire life. Aemond lets go of the reins and laces his arms around you, angling his head to look at you, his silver hair violently ruffled by the wind. “How does it feel, my sweet wife?”
There are no common words to describe it. Now you know why they say Targaryens are closer to Gods than men. No man could claim a dragon or rule the skies.
“I feel like I’m close to the Gods.” you say, and he tightens the hold on you “Dragons do not answer to Gods.” he says, burying his nose in your hair “Where does this leave us?”
You turn your head to look at him, and you feel like you are looking at one of them. And yet he looks like he’s beyond any God.
“Above them. Above the Gods.”
“Hmm.” He croons, breathing your scent through his nose, and then his right hand grabs your skirt and dips underneath, until you feel his cold fingers grazing your skin. “I will make you feel like one.”
He cups your core through your small clothes, and you whimper, gripping his arm harder. He feels your heat through his palm, hotter than Vhagar’s own fire, and he sets the fabric aside to properly touch you. “My sweet wife.” he whispers, sliding a finger between your folds “Always so ready for me.”
“Aemond.” You say, holding your breath, trying to oppose but your voice cracks, and your body with it, already answering to his call. You see clouds before your eyes, but it’s all a blur, all your senses are enslaved by his touch, rubbing lazy circles on your bud. Too slow for your liking, for your need. Your hips arch and buck, chasing his hand for more friction, and he laughs, darkly. “What is it? What do you need, sweet girl? Tell me.”
He takes your chin with his free hand and forces you to turn your head and look at him. His hold is ruthless, but his tone is almost pleading. “Tell me.” he orders and you feel like he’s smothering you, sweeping away all the air from your lungs. “I-I need more…”
“More of what?” he asks, stopping altogether. “Show me.”
You look him in the eye and swallow, heat inflaming your cheeks, but there’s no place for shame, not here. It is just a faint ghost passing through you, and then it’s gone. Your hand pulls the gown up, and you place it on his, like a feather. “Here.” You breathe on his mouth “Inside.”
The howling wind does nothing to muffle his growl, and then he’s kissing you, harshly, teeth clashing and biting your lips as he accepts your plea, sliding a finger inside of you.
A strangled moan escapes you, and he swallows it, darting his tongue in every corner of your mouth. He releases your chin only to grab your leg to further open them and then he adds a second finger, moving them deftly until reaching that special spot. Your head falls back on his shoulder, gasping loudly, digging your nails into his hand.
Your breath is ragged and fast, and you uselessly try to stifle moan after moan even if there are only the skies to hear.
“Don’t.” he says grazing your lobe with his teeth “I want to hear you. I want you to scream for me.”
Your mind goes blank, as does all your restraint. You feel the tide coming to crash you, hips moving on their own accord, chasing and chasing. And then you’re drowning in it, mouth falling open and flesh and bones clenching and trembling.
He grunts softly when your nails scratch his skin and his fingers slip out, glistening; he raises them to his lips and tastes every drop of you. Still panting, he takes your chin once more with his sticky fingers and licks your lips, so you taste yourself on his tongue.
Your head is still dizzy when Vhagar lands in a clearing in the King’s Wood, but this has nothing to do with altitude. Your limbs are heavy when he helps you dismount, your legs buckle. There is a tautness knotting your bones, itching your fingertips.
You wish to touch him, because you have never, not as a wife would touch her husband, not as he has done with you.
It is only a moon and yet he has taken you almost every night and every day. He has touched you everywhere, he has molded you to his liking, and you let him do it with giddiness, undoing yourself like clay in his hands. He had put his mouth on you, and you have discovered he particularly enjoyed it, because he has done that at the most inopportune times, even in some dark corner of the corridors.
And you wondered if you could do the same with him—not because you have to, but because you want to. You want to claim him just as he claims you, relentlessly.
And he really is. He is relentless, he doesn't give you the time to wander with your hands, to discover, to touch. Fire burns him quickly and you are ashes before you realise you are burning with him.
“I didn’t know my wife had claws.” He says at one point, while you are going back to the Keep.
You wake from your thoughts and turn, watching him raise his hand to show the red marks on the back of his hand, and the sight makes you almost proud—proud to have left a mark of you on him. But you want more, and he wants more. You know it; it takes a brief look at his breeches to know that he wants more.
You dart your eyes around, but there's no one. So, you stop. Trying to gather all the boldness you never had, you step closer to him and take his hand in yours. Your eyes look up slowly, glinting with uncertainty and bravery. "Then let me soothe your pain, husband."
Aemond’s eye widens, and the air around you turn heavy, forcing you to open your mouth to breathe. You take one more step and bring the back of his hand to your lips, kissing it gently while your eyes stay fixed on his face. The other hand goes tentatively to his chest and then slides down, and for once, just once, he’s the one answering your call. His eye darkens and his lips part when your hands bashfully grab the laces of his breeches.
But you should have known better. Targaryens and their desires. Doomed to take whatever they want, whenever they want, answering neither Gods nor men.
You barely blink and he grabs you by the wrists and forces you to the ground. Cold grass and bushes stinging your back make you gasp, but Aemond is already on you, watching you like a century-long thirsted man who takes a glimpse of a water spring, as if you could evaporate from his sight at any moment.
“Aemond, please.” you beg “let me—“
But his tongue is in your mouth, hot and scorching you alive. Your eyes flutter shut, and he hikes your skirts up, taking hold of your hips. You feel his bulge against you, hard and ready, and you can do nothing else than wait, pinned down like prey, all bravery a distant memory.
Suddenly he lowers himself down, lifting your skirts with haste until you’re completely bare half down. “No—Aemond, please I want to—”
“You want what?” he asks with a wolfish grin “Deny me your sweet taste? Iksā ñuhon, ābrazȳrys.” He said that already, you know what it means. You are mine.
“You belong to me. And this…” he swears placing your legs on his shoulders while looking at your aching core as a man who found the greatest treasure in the world. “This belongs to me as well.”
He runs his tongue up and down your wet folds, humming with delight as he tastes you and sees you squirm, arching your back on the stingy bushes. You moan loudly when he slowly swirls his tongue, not able to keep track of your hips starting to move on their own, thrusting into his mouth and the sight of you like this, makes him even wilder, pushing him to open his mouth and put it entirely on your cunt, sucking harshly until anything before your eyes becomes blurred.
Your legs on his shoulders begin to shake and curl, caging him further against you, but just when you are about to come straight into his mouth, he pulls back. A weak sob leaves your mouth as your hips keep bucking against nothing and he smirks at that, untangling your legs from his shoulders, running his tongue over his lips, to taste what's left of you on him. You look at him through dazed eyes and a tinge of annoyance for the denied release. “What?” he has the boldness to ask with a sly smirk “Did you not enjoy it?” he runs his thumb on his glistening chin and swiftly licks it. "Hmm. I most certainly did."
“Aemond, please.” you claw desperately at his shoulders and forearms, forcing him to lie on you, feel something that could soothe the aching between your legs. He seems keen to grant you this mercy, molding his crotch against you so you can feel how hard and desperate he is.
“Please.” you beg in a thin voice.
“Speak it plainly, my love. I want to hear it from your pretty mouth.”
You look at him straight in the eye and what you say next is not a request nor a plea. Your mother would be ashamed of you, but you can’t bring yourself to care.
You are not begging. You are demanding. “Fuck me.”
He doesn’t need more than a few moments to get his cock out of his breeches, and not a moment later he’s pushing inside of you, your back arching on the bushes and your throat fighting for breath. He groans and starts a relentless pace, lifting his weight from you just enough for him to look at his cock going in and out, the sight only pushing him to thrust harder and harder. “Look at you.” he croons, sweet and rough “You were born to take me, to be mine.”
Your face twists with pleasure, teeth biting your lower lip while he takes you higher and higher, higher than any sky a dragon could ever take you.
He soon becomes messy and sloppy, cursing under his breath, but you can barely hear him. Your mind is sluggish and everything comes muffled: him, the birds chirping on some tree, your wet flesh slapping against his in the lewdest and most blessed way.
He curses some more, and then he’s spilling inside you, his arched mouth opening and his eye closing like a man absolved.
And yet, he does not stop. He has not claimed enough.
“Māzis, dōna ābrazȳrys. Come for me.”
Your hand clutches something on the ground, something with thorns that pierces your skin with pain, but you can’t even feel that, because you are falling, legs trembling around him, and heart stopping for an endless moment of pure breathtaking bliss.
“Gevie.” he coos with his lips on yours, falling with his body on you, still clenching and pulsing around him. He stays right where he is, nesting inside of you, and now it is the only chance you have been granted to touch him. You put an arm around his shoulders, catching your breath, and look at the skies above, thinking you are indeed above them.
It was easy to explain the dirt and grass stains on your dress. It was a little less easy to explain the twigs in your ruffled hair when you and Aemond returned to the Keep only to meet the Queen Mother along one of the corridors. Alicent merely smiled at you with a tight smile and did not spare from giving a look full of daggers to her son.
"Seven Hells" you mutter when you go back to your rooms and catch a glimpse of the mess you are in the mirror.
Aemond stays on the threshold to close the door and grins, or rather, gloats.
You step out of your muddy shoes and start to pull the laces of your dress.
"What are you doing?" he asks, and you playfully glare at him. "Am I allowed to take a bath now? Or do you want me to go around all sullied? I fear there are no believable excuses for the state I’m in."
"You can tell them the truth." he says, walking to you and replacing your hands with his to help you pull the intricate laces.
You smile softly with your back turned before raising an eyebrow, asking "Which is?"
He keeps his eye focused on the dress, a slight furrow in his brow, and stoically serious, he says "That your husband fucked you in the King's Wood."
"I could tell the maid. I'm sure she won't be stunned after what she saw this morning."
He makes you turn so you can look at him, and the sight before you makes your heart sing. His eye roams on your face softly, a rare sight on him, always stoic, always sharp, like all the angles composing this beautiful sculpture of black glass.
You always thought of marriage as a strategic deal for men, and a way for women to prove their value to the world, giving those same men sons and daughters. But you care for him. And he cares for you. That look on his face is enough for you to know that he cares for you, not merely as a brood mare.
“Gevie.” he says, quietly, and he touches your cheek, softly, making you wonder how those same hands can be so delicate and yet so merciless at the same time.
“What does it mean?” you ask, even if you are sure he will not answer. You observed that when he speaks in High Valyrian he does it almost to himself, as if to protect something he does not wish the others to know.
But this time, he meets your eyes and lowers his hand. “Beautiful.”
You look at him with your heart pounding in your throat, and then you stand up on your toes, crashing your mouth against his, almost catching him by surprise. But he is all too deft at turning the game on his side, and a few seconds later, his hands are gripping your hips and his tongue is licking the roof of your mouth.
When the door suddenly opens, you pull back, spotting the same maid from that morning who, this time, can do nothing but suffer the Prince's wrath.
"Can't you just fuck off for once?!"
You hold back a laugh against his chest and the poor maid flees in a hurry. But when he pulls you to him, tilting his head to pick up where he left off, you step back and say, "I'm afraid the Queen has requested your presence. You should go, my dear husband. I promise that by tonight I will be completely clean."
"Tonight?" he asks, raising his eyebrow. "What is happening tonight?"
You shrug your shoulders and hold back a smile. "Innocence doesn't suit you, my Prince."
"Neither does you."
"I'm afraid this is your fault. You are sullying my soul as well as...everything else."
"You won't be of the same mind when you have my child growing in your womb," and he smirks, looking at you as if he's taking a sacred oath, and then walks away.
You finally manage to take a bath and change clothes, and then you go to visit your aunt. She spends most of her time alone, sipping tea in the gardens, partly because she can't stand the other court ladies, partly because the court ladies can't stand her. Truthfully, you cannot blame them, your aunt speaks plainly—too plainly at times.
You sit down with her for tea, which you end up swallowing like salt, because your aunt takes it with a whole squeezed lemon, and no sugar.
"I saw you with your husband earlier. I may be too old for new fashion but mud on your skirt and twigs in your hair seem a bit too brazen, even for me."
You stifle a smile, recalling what happened. If only she knew he was brazen enough to have you utterly undone on dragon back, thousands of feet up.
Your eyes go distant while you fumble with some tablecloth threads, but your Aunt stares at you piercely, and grabbing her cup of tea she says "I love that look on you."
"What?"
She sips the sour liquid and puts the cup down. "That look. The I'm in love look."
"I am not!" you counter, cheeks going red.
"Of course you are. I've watched you two. I dare say he's falling way faster than you."
You look at her puzzled. Many things have changed in a moon. And you are sure you are utterly infatuated with him. But you did not know what to think of what he actually feels for you, if he even feels something. You know he cares for you, you know he loves spending time with you. You know he's passionate, possessive, almost soft at rare times. But in love? That seems too soon to consider, or to hope for.
"It is too soon to talk about love."
"In fact, I did not, my sweet niece. Falling in love and love are beasts of different species. Why do you think we say "falling"? You can't stop from falling. To love a person is an entirely different matter. Love is a choice."
You let those words sink but you prefer not to question your heart right now. There is a reason you have come here to talk to your aunt, even if you don't know how to address the matter without melting from embarrassment.
But in the end, who could you ask for advice? Your squeamish maids? The Queen Mother? Definitely not.
"Listen, I...I wanted to ask you something..." you start "It is uhm...a matter of somewhat intimate nature."
"Ah, my favourites." your aunt says, beaming "I am all ears."
You shift uncomfortably in your chair and swallow another sip of that dreadful tea "My mother...she explained to me what would happen between husband and wife to...consummate the marriage. But she didn't tell me...well, everything else."
Your Aunt is quick to raise her eyebrow "I gathered that your marriage had been consummated by now. Thoroughly."
"Y-yes, of course. But I...discovered...that there are other ways for a husband to please his wife...and I was wondering if...if I could…do those same things to please him."
Your aunt looks utterly puzzled for a long moment, and then, almost stunned, she says "Oh Seven Hells, child. You are telling me you never sucked your husband off?"
A few court ladies walking near turned their heads, going white as sheets, while you, on the contrary, take a nice purple shade.
"Oh, don't look at me like that, prissies. We all did it eventually." she dismisses them, waving a lazy hand, and looks back at you. "You should do it, if you wish. Men love it. Your uncle used to ask—"
"I don't want to hear that, auntie, I'm begging you." you say squinting your eyes.
"Listen to me, child. Men love to think they rule everything, everywhere. But it is not always like that. And if you want to rule your husband's heart, you must rule in his bed first."
That evening, Aemond wanted nothing more than to lock himself in his room with his wife and forget all the hateful political talk he had had to endure at dinner.
You had not attended, and that had bothered him. Never would he have thought of marriage as anything more than a duty, yet there he was, wondering where you were, who you were with, and why you weren't in his rooms when he set foot in there.
"Where is my wife?" he asks the maid, and she keeps her eyes glued to the floor, saying "The princess spent the evening in the library, your Grace. She told me that she would be—"
"I am here," you say, appearing behind the young maid.
You see his chest sag as if a weight is leaving him, and he casts an icy glance at the poor maid "Out."
He is rarely kind to servants, but you can tell by his tense shoulders that something is wrong.
"Aemond, what is the matter?" you ask as soon as the door closes, walking up to him with a hand behind your back.
"Where were you? Why weren't you at dinner?"
"I was in the library."
"For four hours?"
"It was a tough read—"
He grabs your arm, gripping hour wrist harshly, and you flinch. "Aemond, I swear to you.” you say watching his eye on fire and a sneer twisting his mouth “You can ask Maester Mellos."
Suddenly he lets you go, and looks down, closing his eye for a moment. But he doesn't apologize, he never does, and not because he is a Prince. It's just the way he is. He doesn't apologize, he doesn't say thank you, he doesn't say please.
"Aemond, what's going on?"
"I don't want to talk about it now. In fact, never. Not here."
You watch him carefully, and you nod as he moves to pour wine into a cup. You watch him gobble it up greedily, which is unlike him. So, you get close and move your hand from behind your back and say, "Anyway, I wasn't lying. I really spent four hours in the library...trying to decipher this."
You show him an old book, and the title catches his eye, cup held in midair. "Tales of the Dragonlords?" he asks frowning. "This is in High Valyrian."
"It is." you confirm as you move closer, and you steal his cup before saying, "Would you read it to me?" and you take a sip, of wine and courage.
He watches the liquid flow down your throat and then accepts the invitation, taking the book—the one he has read so many times he can recite it by heart. He opens it to the first page, but you say "No. Page 72."
There is a slight imperative tone in your tone of voice, and it thrills him, given how his eye glints under the candlelight. He drops it on the table, looking at you from head to toe, and says, "I'll read it to you later, sweet wife."
He steps closer but you back away saying, "Fine, then. I'll tell you what I understood so you can correct me or not." and at the same moment your own hands go up on your corset and you start pulling on the laces.
The gesture catches his eye like a moth to a flame and he stays silent as you pull all the laces and then slip off your dress, remaining in your underskirt. His gaze roams over you slowly, and with a soft smirk, he decides to play the game.
“Page 72, you said. How Dragonlords claimed Dragons.”
“Yes.”
"And why did it capture your interest? Do you wish to do it? Do you wish to claim a dragon?"
"I wish to conquer, not claim."
He comes closer and looks at you, breathing through his nose, restraining, always restraining, and then he's raising his hand to reach a lock of your hair falling on your shoulder, but you stop him, air as heavy as moss.
"The Valyrian sages say a dragonlord must surrender himself completely to the dragon. But it works both ways. The dragon must submit his will to their rider."
He looks at you without blinking, and you take his arms, guiding him closer until you turn and push him lightly on the bed. He sits and you slowly climb on his lap, knees caging his hips, heart is pounding in your throat like a hammer. You hear him taking a swift breath and pride pools in your bones because for once you have caught him off guard.
You can feel his crotch hardening by the moment, but the look on his face is not one of hunger or lust. It is pure and blessed devotion.
You wonder at the view, and your eyes roam on his face until...
"Can I take it off?"
There's no need to say what. His face goes hard as stone, eye looking away with discomfort, with shame.
"Please, Aemond." you whisper. "I want to see all of you. I want you to bare yourself to me as I did to you."
"It is not pleasant."
"I don't want pleasantness. I want you."
He stares at you for an eternal moment and then he caves.
A flash of sparkling blue catches you completely and you can do nothing but watch with lips parted, while he keeps his eye down.
You wrap an arm around his shoulders and lean your head against his to breathe one single word in his ear. "Gevie."
His arms are all around you, holding you so tight you might gasp for air. Instead you are smiling, breathing through his long silver hair. You are not sure if you aunt is right, if love is indeed a choice. You can't bring yourself to care because you are doing it already.
And then he's kissing you, seizing your tongue with his in a fierce consuming way. He slightly hikes up your hips, and his hand tries to slide between your legs, but you lace your fingers around his wrist, breaking the kiss with panted breath.
"No." you whisper, and he looks at you almost questioningly, mouth open and chest heaving.
"Lykirī."
His eye widens and you smile, secretly. "I know what it means now."
He smirks at this and does not miss the chance to be the ever diligent scholar. "But you said it wrong. The R is hard."
“Lykirī.” You say again, following his lesson, and in the same moment your hand leaves his wrist and goes down to his breeches. He dips his chin to look at it, at your hands unsure, and he too looks unsure.
“You don’t have to—“
“I want to.” You say, and your voice comes out firm and clear. “Please, Aemond. Let me…let me touch you.”
He realizes now that in all the times you have been lying together, you never managed to lay a hand on him. He likes to keep people at distance. Too many wrong hands have been on him. The Maesters’, inspecting, debating, healing without healing. That whore, taking what it was not hers to take, not yet.
But he wants you to touch him. He has dreamed of it, in any way a man could dream of a woman’s touch.
He looks at you for a moment, chest rising slowly, and then, without taking his eye off you, he pulls the laces of his breeches and guides your hand around his cock. You look down, exhaling a long breath at feeling his hard and hot flesh already pulsing.
He knows you don’t know how to do it, so his hands guide you at first, going slowly up and down, and the air comes out of his mouth slowly and labored. You look up at him, his eye is pitch black, lid growing heavy with pleasure, and your core clenches, desire pools in your belly and flows down.
He must hear the call of your body, because he releases your hand, still stroking him, and goes right between your legs. You gasp loudly, and he hums, delight dripping from his voice just as you are dripping on his fingers. He starts to pump his fingers and you can do nothing but moan, clutching his shoulders with your free hand, the other still around his cock, but the act is growing lazy, your mind can’t focus properly on what you are supposed to do.
“Listen.” he orders you, fingers moving faster and faster, and you do listen. Your soaked flesh coming undone at his scorching touch. “Who else has you like this?”
But this is a question he’s asking himself. Because no one else will ever have him bare like this.
“You. Just you.” you say hoarsely, eyes closing and hips rocking on their own accord.
“And who am I?” he whispers just as hoarsely, and yet his voice is like a whip on all your senses.
“My husband.” you cry, feeling the wave ready to drown you “Ñuha zaldrīzes.” My dragon.
You cannot care less about how you said it, because then your mouth falls open, nails digging into his shoulder while your trembling hips keep riding his fingers, clenching them like a vice.
Your head falls onward, leaning against his forehead, and you try to catch your breath. You watch his wet fingers go straight into his mouth while he looks at you, humming with pleasure. “You look so pretty like this.” he says with the ghost of a smile on his lips “I should fuck you in Throne Room with the whole court watching, so they know how pretty you are when you come for me.”
You laugh with your cheeks flushing, and he slides an arm around you, and you know he wants to pin you down on the bed and fuck you until you are muffling nonsense in the pillow. But this is not his game. This is yours, and even if you don’t know how to play, you will win.
“No.” you say, climbing down from his lap, and he looks at you with hunger and a tinge of thrilling curiosity. “It is my turn to claim.” You say with all the bravery you possess.
Not a moment later, you are going down on your knees.
Another small victory, because his eye widens as he had never done before, and you can see that this, the sight of you on your knees before him, is something he has been craving for, even dreamed of it.
His breathing is slow, and you are not even touching him.
You place yourself between his knees and you lean closer and closer, anxiety twisting your insides, but you want to do this. “Lykirī, nuha zaldrīzes. Surrender.” you take him into your hand, tugging slowly, and your lips linger on the tip, heart pounding in your ears and eyes fixed on him. “Lykirī.” You say one last time and then you are swallowing him.
He hisses loudly and his lips part, hands clutching the covers until his knuckles go white. He’s like burning metal inside your mouth—hot and hard. At first, you just taste him, running your tongue over the head, and he’s cursing under his breath. His hands twitch on the covers, restraining and restraining, but there’s no need. You take his hand while looking at him and you release it from your mouth to say “Teach me.”
It’s like you have just poured fire on more fire. His eye goes wild, he takes hold of your head and starts to guide you again, making your mouth engulf him once more and deep down to the base and then up to the tip again, filling the room with a wet gagging sound. You get the gist of what you’re supposed to do, so your head starts going up and down and up and down, and he actually moans for you, head falling back for just a moment before looking back, he can’t help but watch as you fiercely claim him.
You watch his chest heaving fast and your jaw is starting to hurt but you don't care, you are too absorbed by the view before you. You are too thrilled by the fact that, for once, you have made him speechless.
He's always so bold in the bedroom, so cruel in deciding when and how to give pleasure, and now he's utterly speechless. He can only curse without breath, and gasp and groan.
“Kelītīs.” he manages to say at one point, voice all husky and cracking. You don’t know that word, and you have no time to ask because in a blink, he’s slamming you onto the bed and he’s hiking up your skirt, but you get on your elbows pushing him on his back and climbing on him.
“I’m not done, valzȳrys.” you say feeling his hard length inflaming your core, so you lay your hips on it as firmly as possible. “I claimed, but I did not conquer.”
“You are fucking torturing me.” he points out, bucking against you.
“Conquests could last for centuries, dear husband. You above all should know that.”
“All I know now is that I need to fuck you.” he says placing both hands on the sheets to pull himself up.
“No, I will.” you promise, rocking your hips once more “This is my conquest, not yours.”
You keep rubbing your drenched core on his length until a sheen of sweat glistens on his forehead, and he's so hard he's leaking from the tip. "You are twisted, wife." he says with a dazed tone and you smile even if you can't take it anymore, but you rock some more, saying "I'm a quick study. And I'm learning from the best."
Finally, when you are so wet you are dripping on him, you raise just enough to slide his cock inside of you.
You gasp together and you brace on his shoulders to start moving. You both know you are not going to last long, so you start rocking your hips slowly, taking him to the hilt until you struggle for air.
“Move…” he orders but you just take the opposite road, slowing your hips in a delicious torturing way. “Do you know what else the Sages said? A rider must know their mount, feel their heat below them.”
But Aemond does not have a single drop of blood in his head right now to give you an answer, let alone play your game; he's just fire that burns and burns and burns and just like the Sages said, you can feel his heat, burning below and inside you. He grips your hips and starts to thrust inside you like the wild beast you are supposedly claiming, until you are moaning so loud your throat hurts.
“Yes—” he growls as you bounce on him “Just like that—you’re gripping me so well—fuck"
You both turn sloppy, a mess of sweaty limbs and teeth biting, clutching at each other with bruising grips, pulling at the roots of his hair when you’re about to fall from the highest sky.
"Come on, my sweet girl. Let go for me." he breathes into your mouth, forcing you to move even faster "Let go fro your dragon. Seal your conquest." And you do.
He follows right after, spilling inside while digging his teeth into your neck like fangs on a prey, muffling his loud groaning.
And you are smiling like a fool, a lovestruck fool, but most of all, a conqueror.
Thank you so much for reading!! 💞💞
#likiri#liv(in la vida loca)#aemond targaryen#ewan mitchell#aemond x wife reader#aemond x reader#aemond targaryen x wife reader#aemond targaryen fic#aemond targaryen smut#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen imagine#aemond targaryen x you#aemond x you#aemond x fem!reader#aemond targaryen x fem!reader#aemond fic#aemond smut#hotd fic
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DON'T TOUCH WHAT IS MINE. ( HOTD x Reader )
author note: I wanted to do HOTD x Greek Myths cause it's fun. If I get enough like or requests I'l do a HOTD x Greek Myths book on wattpad. pairing: Jealous! Aemond Targaryen x Noble Wife! Reader prompt: Aemond contemplates murder. word count: 1, 000+ words
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You were supposed to marry Aegon, a way to secure allies in the North for when Aegon took the Iron Throne. But, when his Mother planned on marrying him to Helaena. Aemond swiftly made his move, knowing that the loss of an ally would upset his Mother. It was supposed to be only for duty. You were supposed to be his duty to his Mother and family. But, of course the Gods were cruel and he fell for you. Hard and fast. He practically fell flat on his face for you, like someone had punched him in the groin with a club named ‘love’.
You were just so perfect. You were a proper Lady in the Court, weaving your way through politics with a cunning grace. You smiled and happily listened to Helaena as she rambled on about whatever popped in her mind, never judging her. You played with Helaena and Aegon’s children, always so patient with the toddler’s. You were cordial, yet stern, with Aegon⎯keeping him in line for the sake of his family when you could. You understood the want for revenge after the loss of his eye. You were just so perfect and kind. He hated how much he fell in love with you.
Watching you chat with some Lord from the Reach, Aemond grits his teeth, shifting around in place. He wasn’t particularly thrilled about you speaking to that Lord, but he would not tell you nor drag you away. He knew that you had some ambition or plan behind speaking to the Lord, one he did not know yet but knew that you would tell him soon enough. You were smart like that.
Looking you over for any sign for him to interfere, he inspects your appearance with a subtle look of love. Your gown was more simple in feature, but a similar green to his Mother’s. Your hair is decorated with pearl and gold dragon hair clips. Your fingers decorated in rings, the sapphire one shining a particular bright. A smug smirk spreads on his lips at the sight of the ring.
“Yes, my lord husband, Prince Aemond is everything that I could ask for.” You nod, “I am content, actually I am more than content Lord Wormwood.”
“I am happy to hear that, your grace. But, I am just suggesting that…should you ever find yourself in need of some company whilst visiting the Reach⎯” Lord Wormwood suggests, making his blood boiling.
“No, now I must return to my husband’s side.” You cut him off, eyes shifting away.
“Just a moment longer⎯” Lord Wormwood tries again, attempting to keep the conversation going.
Watching you straighten up your back and fiddle with your wedding ring, he instantly catches the subtle signal from you. You needed him. Holding his head up a little higher, Aemond saunters over to you, attempting to hide his slightly faster walking pace than usual. Reaching your side in an instant, he gently places his hand on your hip, tucking you into his side.
“Aemond.” You whispers, a subtle glimmer of appreciation in your eyes.
“I do believe that my wife and I have other more important matters than you, Lord Wormwood.” Aemond cuts in, his voice cutthroat.
“I, uh, I well..” Lord Wormwood stutters out, shocked by the sight of Aemond lurking over you like some kind of protective dragon.
“Goodbye, Lord Wormwood.” You nod, dragging him away.
Feeling the tension within the room grow with each second, you softly intertwined your hands with Aemond, to prevent him from reaching for his blade. Tightening your grip on him, you start to drag Aemond away, knowing that he’d make some comment or at worst do something to Lord Wormwood. The last thing you needed and wanted was for a fight to erupt because some stupid old man couldn’t take a hint that you were married.
“Come, come, Aemond. I am sure Helaena will be happy for us to join her.” You lie, tugging at him a little harder.
“Yes, let us go, my wife.” He nods, his voice sharp.
“Come, Aemond.” You grit your teeth, “Let us go, now.”
“Yes.” Aemond glares down the squirming Lord, like he hoped that he would burst into flames.
Cringing at the tension in the air, you tug him a little harder, struggling as he was practically glued to his spot. Sighing as he refuses to move, you press a kiss onto his cheek, using it as a way to soften him just enough to drag him away. Smirking as he instantly melts like a dragon burning a piece of wood, you drag him forcefully, weaving your way through the sea of Courtiers.
“You kissed me.” He mumbles, a faint hum of pink on his cheeks.
“I did.”
“You kissed me, in public.” He repeats, “You have never done that before.”
“Yes, well, I cannot exactly carry you over my shoulder to stop you from killing that man. So a kiss is what it was.” You counters back, a hint of wit in your voice.
Looking over his face in an attempt to see his reaction, he doesn’t really display any emotions, just this flatness which was typical of him. You liked to think he was born with a stone face and that Alicent had mistaken him for a statue instead of a babe. Cocking a brow up at the lack of anything from him, you softly squeeze his hand, attempting to get his attention or something from him.
“I do not like him.” He grumbles, the disdain clear in his voice.
“Oh, really? I had no clue that you disliked him.” You jest, rolling your eyes playfully.
“Do not jest. Tis’ not a jesting manner.” He sulks, “He propositioned you to visit his bedchambers.”
“I know, tis’ why I had you infer. I do not intend to share a bed with any other man than you. So do not even think of entertaining any doubt’s, Aemond.” You argue, quickly dismissing any doubt he may have.
He goes quiet for the longest time. It almost looked like he was actually accepting your words without any possible argument or disagreement. Relaxing for a moment, you watch as he licks his bottom lip, his eye narrowing for a moment.
“Let me kill him.” He mumbles, almost like he was begging you to allow it.
“Not in public.” You argue, not taking him seriously.
“That can be arranged.” He smiles, a rare smile tugging at his lips.
Shaking your head with a gentle scoff, you look over his face for a moment, seeing that he was being serious. The look on your face shifting into one of annoyance. Whilst other men would have lashed out and caused a scene, Aemond was cunning and waited. Like a snake hiding in the tall grass. Smacking his arm softly, he lets out a soft snort, a cheeky little grin spreading on his face.
“No.”
“Fine.” He mumbles, rushing away from you. “I will not be the one to do it.”
“Aemond Targaryen, don’t you dare.” You scold, chasing after him.
---
@lovelykhaleesiii
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@danytar
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@zaldritzosrose
#house of the dragon#house of dragons#house of dragons x reader#house of the dragon x reader#hotd imagine#hotd imagines#hotd x reader#aemond targaryen imagine#aemond targaryen x reader#prince aemond#aemond one eye#aemond targaryen#hotd aemond#aemond x reader
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Scream for me little lamb
Ghostface!Aemond x Fem!Reader
Summary: You don't know him, you haven't even seen him before. Yet this cruel killer is in your mind, entangled like a parasite. For just one night you want to get rid of this feeling - to get rid of him. What's the worst that could happen?
Rated: Explicit (+18)
Dividers: @cafekitsune
Word count: 5k
Author's Note: This story contains themes that may be disturbing or triggering for some, such as: DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS OF PANIC ATTACKS, BLOOD, MURDER, OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR, THREATS, AND SEX. Your health (mental and physical) should always be your priority, if any of these themes are too heavy for you to handle I beg that you ignore this post. To those who choose stay, I wish you a good read!
The reader suffers from some emotional issues. But who doesn't, right?
English is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes you may find.
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Come on, it’ll be fun, she said.
You urgently need to relax, she said.
It’s just a quiet night, what’s the worst that could happen? She said.
Quiet night my ass, you think.
“Come on, pumpkin, you’re not even trying!” Your roommate scolds you, shouting too close to your ear, causing you to flinch with a uncomfortable grimace. “There’s life outside the dorms, you know? Is it really that much of a challenge to just enjoy the party?” Her pout is exaggerated enough for anyone in the room to see, even with the shitty stereoscopic lighting in the place.
“Hey, just try, okay? Smile, drink more, find someone cool to flirt with a little. I don’t know, do something other than just studying nonstop! Please try to have fun!” The liquid in the red cup clutched between your fingers nearly spills onto your clothes with the not-so-subtle push she gives you, her shrill, excited voice echoing louder and louder in your ear, managing to accomplish the impressive feat of overcoming the already criminally loud volume of the music playing on the speakers.
"Your idea of fun is very different from my idea of fun." You say, a good few decibels below her tone, grudgingly sipping another sip of your sickly sweet drink. "Ugh, this is horrible!" You wince at the syrupy, artificial taste of alcohol on your tongue, the bridge of your nose wrinkling in disgust - the exact same reaction as the last four times you've had a drink. Mako notices it too, if the wry laugh that leaves her lips is anything to go by. But what in the world is this anyway? And why in the hell do you keep drinking?
"Here I am, just trying to be a good friend by getting you out of that depressing cave you call a dorm to bring some action and joy into your life to, you know, expand your horizons, and you pay me back with complaints and boredom? That hurts, pumpkin, really hurts!" She's a total drama queen and your completely unimpressed expression makes it clear.
"Seriously, gaslighting now?" You roll your eyes so hard you think you can feel them in the back of your head.
"Don't blame a girl for trying!" She holds up her hand in a peace sign, another unrepentant smile on her lips.
You shake your head in denial.
"Anyway, I still find it really weird that they're throwing a party so soon after those students were killed." Your voice drops lower, looking out at the noisy crowd with a frown of disgust.
She snorts, knowing full well that something like this was coming.
"Look, I'm sad about what happened too. But it's okay to relax once in a while, okay? Shit, you're young, single, and hot as hell. You should be enjoying your life. We can't let some weirdo with a death god complex stop us from having the best time of our lives!" Your friend gestures wildly with the hand that isn't holding her glass, the alcohol in her system making her even more giggly and reckless than usual.
She exchanges 'Rated: M' glances with a buff guy across the room - a popular member of the football team and one of the hosts of the party, you recognize - winking provocatively as she shrugs her shoulders to show off her breasts, being completely and embarrassingly open about her naughty intentions toward him tonight.
"Come on, you can't honestly tell me you don't think any of these frat guys are good enough to eat in one bite."
There’s a hint of reprimand dancing on the tip of your tongue, an almost natural instinct to tell Mako exactly how selfish she’s being right now, insensitive even, with everything that’s happened recently. You weren’t close or even knew those students directly, it’s true. But they were still students at your college, faces you saw every day among the masses. They were people who had been around for a short time, walking and breathing. And then they weren’t anymore. Their young lives were taken away before they could know exactly what they wanted to do with their futures, who they were going to be in the grand, merciless scheme of things.
You don’t feel comfortable celebrating when there are parents at home crying over their children whose bodies have barely cooled underground.
But Mako was right about one thing.
The idea of living in daily fear of a man you had never seen in your life was draining every bit of spare energy from you. This mysterious killer had managed to disturb you, making you constantly paranoid, scared, and fearful. You spent your days looking around, suspicious of everything and everyone, with the electrifying feeling that at any moment he could jump in front of you and make you his newest victim. He even controlled your schedule. Because of him, you barely left the dorms anymore, always declining your friends' invitations with lame excuses. Not that you were a social butterfly before this, but this was a completely different level of seclusion - high even by your standards.
The thought that this man, who probably didn't even know you existed, was dictating the way you lived your own life was disturbing, to say the least.
You looked around, uncomfortable at how everyone was shouting, dancing, smoking, laughing, singing loudly - acting as if nothing had happened. As if three college friends hadn’t been brutally murdered a few days ago. It’s wrong, and your whole body screams it. It’s not respectful, it’s not safe. And yet, for some reason beyond explanation, you seem to be the only one terrified; the only one who’s actually having your life changed to avoid becoming a statistic.
And in that moment, with that realization in mind, Mako’s words make some sense. You don’t want to give this psychopath that kind of power.
“God, is sex all you think about?” That’s what you choose to say after a long pause, sighing in boredom at the nothing less than shameless winks your friend is giving the guy through her eyelashes. The guy, surrounded by his usual horde of friends who are just as scoundrels as he is, is returning Mako’s advances with double the intensity and lack of decorum; splaying a large hand over his jeans, right where the bulge of an admittedly sizable erection is, grinning at her like a mediocre porn star. Any more obvious than that and they’d be fucking right here on the floor, in front of all these people.
That, coupled with the creeping onset of a growing headache with each deafening beat of the speaker and the unstoppable chatter of the students around you, is making you more anxious than usual. The mass of bodies squeezing against each other to the rhythm of the music is so thick that you can barely tell one person from another; the smell of alcohol, shared sweat, sex, and cheap weed makes you wrinkle your nose every few minutes.
For socially stunted people like you, there were few things as overwhelming as a frat party roaring at the top of its lungs.
“Hey! Don’t blame me for this, blame those thirsty youthful hormones.” She shrugs as she speaks, tilting her head to slyly wrap the straw between her lips and suck on some more of her drink, her catlike gaze dancing indecisively between you and the guy from the football team.
You roll your eyes, but can’t help but feel a bit tinge of envy at her easy, playful attitude, the way she could just tune out her problems and enjoy the ride. She’s at home here, you notice; a natural in her habitat. This is normal for her — just another night amidst the noise and blatant flirting, playing with lewd looks that by itself carry more sexual activity than you’ve experienced in months.
Mako has always been your antithesis; bold and vibrant, seeing a bright and fun side to every situation — no matter how fucked up it was. Always trying to color the monochromatic palette of the world with the eccentric catastrophe that is her personality.
You, on the other hand…
Suffice it to say, your way of seeing the world is far less optimistic.
You pinch the bridge of your nose in exasperation for a second, already knowing that you’re going to regret your next decision.
But you were already here, right? And she said it would be fun. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to try and enjoy it.
You sigh deeply before changing your expression, looking up at an expectant and anxious Mako, practically bouncing on her feet as she awaits your decision.
"So...you think I'm hot, um? Tell me more about it." Your lips stretch into a forced smile as you awkwardly shake your hips in that stupid Sailor Moon costume she forced you to wear, trying to have even a fraction of the blissful ignorance that naturally flows from your friend. You want to enjoy the ride. Even if the base boost of the music is threatening to tear down not only the walls of the frat house, but also the ones in your skull.
Mako's loud laugh assures you that you've managed to make her happy.
It's like she said...
What's the worst that could happen?
▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎
"No, no, no, not now..." You get your answer about two hours later, with your hands resting on the bathroom counter of a random suite upstairs, staring at your helpless reflection in the mirror.
There is some kind of purple LED in place of the conventional bulbs, flooding the entire bathroom with low lighting typical of a gaming room or something, a fact that only serves to make you even more distressed. The nuances in light and dark shades of violet almost mockingly highlight your blatant desperation in the mirror's reflection.
It is true that the intense blush on your cheeks and the bridge of your nose and the skin damp with sweat could easily be justified by those drinks and every attempt at electrifying dance and involuntary contact with countless heat bodies in the cramped party room, as well as your unstable breathing and disheveled hair.
But the way your hands are shaking violently where they’re flat on the granite, or the way your heart trapped in your ribcage seems to swell until it threatens to burst, and how your throat is tightening to the point where you’re choking on tiny, fragile wheezes…
These symptoms speak of something else…
You’re about to have a panic attack on irrefutable evidence.
God, how long has it been since you’ve had one of these? A year? Maybe longer?
It doesn’t matter. Fuck, it doesn’t matter now!
You sigh a thin, impatient sound between your teeth, the strands of hair on the side of your face trembling along with your entire body, your hand letting go of the edge of the sink to palm in anguish the space between your breasts beneath the garish purple lace of your costume — where your heart feels like it’s being crushed in a tight fist.
Could it have been the deafening beat of the music? Has your seclusion for so long left you so unprepared to deal with something like this? Or could it have been the incessant chatter of the students? Maybe the sheer number of people crammed into this godforsaken frat house that was clearly not designed to hold so many at once? Could it just be a consequence of your obsessive neurosis about him?
"97..."
You're falling. Or maybe flying?
"89..."
Floating in time and space. Deaf to anything but the terrors of your own mind. Reciting decreasing prime numbers like your therapist had taught you, a conscious effort to control and distract your collapsing nerves and the painful pounding of your heart.
"Fuck...fuck...83 -, ugh!"
Your eyes squeeze tightly together, unwilling to face your ravaged reflection in the mirror any longer, your head spinning in denial. The walls are too close, the floor too far beneath your feet, your own skin too tight around your flesh.
"79," you force the number from your lips, force your breath out in shallow puffs, cold sweat trickling down the back of your neck.
The thumping music downstairs is a bit muffled now, though the party is as lively as ever - but up here you feel your world shudder and crumble beneath your feet.
But you'll survive. You always survive.
Keep breathing...just keep breathing -
▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎
"7..."
You've been counting prime numbers for longer than you can keep track of right now, but somewhere along the grueling hell that is imploding in your own mind, your voice has regained a bit of strength. Your fingers are also shaking less, you notice distantly.
With a pained sniff, you look up at the mirror as you feel you've regained a fraction of control of yourself, taking in the humiliating image before you.
Your gaze is dull and tired. Your nose and cheeks are redder than before, your skin sticky with sweat that's now almost dried. Your whole body still trembles slightly in the aftermath of the panic attack, and the hair around your face is messier than before from all the times you pulled it in the middle of the crisis. You're a mess, undeniably. But you feel less like shit now than you did a few minutes ago, and that should count as some kind of bittersweet victory in your book of failures.
With a tug, you pull the long white gloves off your hands to turn on the faucet, letting the water run down your cupped palms to spray a little on your face. The cold water on your overheated skin makes you sigh.
This is the kind of person you had become, isn't it? Someone incapable of going to a simple frat party without having a damn panic attack. How pathetic.
"That's it, no more parties for you, young lady." You mumble as you dry your hands and cheeks on the fluffy towel hanging next to the sink, silently praying that your shaky legs will cooperate on the walk to your dorm on the other side of campus.
Mako wouldn't much like knowing that you were already leaving, but you'd like it even less for her or any of your friends to know about your little meltdown in the upstairs bathroom. It was bad enough that you had no control over it, you didn't need to see the pity reflected in her eyes when she found out, only adding to your humiliation.
Poor little broken thing, she would think.
Maybe you could just slip away without being seen and text her when you got dorms to say you were okay, leaving her questions to deal with later. You had already handled more than you could handle tonight, she would understand eventually. Not that she would notice your absence for a while, busy as she was swapping saliva and other bodily fluids with that guy.
Your phone vibrates abruptly on the counter and you jump at the unexpected noise, blinking rapidly at the letters on the screen.
Unknown Number.
With a eye roll and a still-racing heartbeat, you decide to just ignore the call, as you usually do every time an 'unknown number' pops up. Honestly, who still makes calls these days when you have a messaging app that works just fine, thank you very much? But whoever is behind that call doesn't feel the same way, and soon your iPhone's screen flashes again, bright as a beacon in the purple bathroom lighting, the device moving a few inches across the counter with the vibrations. You sigh and ignore it once more until you're done, but it vibrates again on a third try. And a fourth, when the last one doesn't work.
On the fifth try, you pick up your phone and answer with an exasperated huff, summing up your mood perfectly.
"Hello?"
The person on the other end of the line has the audacity to let out a sigh of relief - dramatic even, you might say, upon hearing your voice.
"There she is. For a moment there I thought you weren't going to answer, princess." The voice that greets you is soft, laughing, a satisfied and calm masculine purr.
"I tried. What do you want?" You answer sullenly, not in the mood to deal with this probable pervert who has nothing better to do with his life than to disturb random people late at night. You were never the brightest star when it came to social chess, and you certainly wouldn't start being so soon after your first panic attack after so long without any episodes. You were out of practice. Your head throbs, your nerves are frayed, your voice is fragile, the muscles in your body ache from the time you spent tense and trembling during the crisis. You just want to go bed.
"Easy now, little girl. I just want to know if you're okay." He hums, oblivious to your irritation.
You know he clearly hears the disdainful snort that leaves your lips. Before you can respond, however, he continues with the sentence that would change your life forever.
"That was really bad...are you sure you're better now?"
You blink at the mirror, your brows furrowed in irritation and headache. You know you should just end the call, not entertain any malicious intentions from this stranger. Yet, you find yourself answering before you even realize it.
"What are you talking about?"
"Your panic attack, love. That was a big one, hm? I thought it would never end." He hums nonchalantly, as if discussing his favorite ice cream flavor, and you part your lips at your reflection, a warning shiver settling at the base of your neck and slowly making its way down your spine.
"Um," you swallow uncomfortably, subtly glancing up at the walls and tight corners of the bathroom, looking for possible openings or hidden cameras. You had the bad luck to walk into some weird, perverted frat nerd's room, is that it? "So you're at the party too. Having fun time?" You shrug in the mirror, trying to sound blasé about what he said, but your voice is noticeably shakier than you’d like.
There’s no reason to be nervous, you try to reason with yourself when your visual scan doesn’t point to any apparent cameras. This guy probably just saw you hurrying up the stairs and is curious about your delay in returning to the party, that’s all. Although it’s still weird, since you made sure to hide in the privacy of the bathroom before your meltdown was actually noticeable to any prying eyes.
And how the hell did he have your number anyway?
"Oh yeah. Having a great time." The man answers, the lightheartedness in his voice fading to a deeper, darker tone at the end, though the smile in his voice is clear - mocking, even through the call line.
"By the way, I loved your costume. Which Sailor are you?" He prompts, returning to his airy tone, and you entertain once again the urge to just hang up on him, your already severely damaged nerves not quite able to handle the load of honest, and pointless, curiosity in the stranger's husky voice. The abrupt change in intonation makes your headache throb more by the second.
"Uh, Sailor...Mars...I guess?" You shrug, unsure why exactly you bother answering, the tip of your index and middle finger on your other hand coming up to massage your temple in slow circles, eyelashes resting on the top of your cheeks as you squint tiredly. Honestly, you're not sure if your answer is right. Having barely time (or interest, to be honest) to assess the costume before tonight - when it was shoved rudely in your face by a Mako determined to bring you to this party. You don't trust your knowledge of Sailor Moon, or any anime for that matter, to confidently answer the man's question. But...yeah...you think you might be right.
"It looks so cute on you, sweetie." He purrs on the other side; sickeningly sweet, sweet as molasses. And that's what makes you straighten up in front of the mirror - his voice suddenly sweet. Your eyes become fixed, a small hitch in your breath; suspended, alert, waiting for his next words. "I've thought so since you arrived at the party. So cute and so fucking pretty. Tiny and pretty in that silly costume."
"W-what? Who's...?" You swallow uncomfortably, but he interrupts you.
"So pretty, and so lonely too. Always lonely, aren't you sweet girl?" The way he says it, confident and calm, as if he’s absolutely certain of what he’s saying, as if he knows you. You squirm, agitated and raw, but you clench your fist at your side.
“And how would you know that?” You want to sound sharp, but you know your voice betrays how much he’s upsetting you.
“Oh, I can see that, princess.” He breathes, followed by a low hum, stretching out an enigmatic pause until your fingers are trembling around the phone. “I see how you’re always alone; misfit and scared, like a little deer hiding from the glare of headlights to avoid being caught. Isn’t that what you do, love? Trying everything to get away from that airheaded friend of yours and others equally idiotic, burying your nose in some book in the quietest part of the library so you don’t have to talk to anyone. Your hiding place, isn’t it?” He laughs with clear disdain and you feel your vision blurring, the discomfort in your stomach worsening with each word he utters.
But he doesn't stop there.
"I see how those beautiful eyes are always brimming with emotions, emotions that you deliberately refuse to share with anyone, no matter how much they insist that you open up. It's interesting how you have social options, but you choose solitude every single time. Not that that's a complaint, of course. Solitude suits you well, sweet thing."
Your breathing is faster now, loud enough for the stranger on the other side to hear, but you don't care about that. All you can think about is the information the man spewed into your ear.
He knows where you retreat to escape the incessant noise of the world around you, he knows the walls you've built around yourself, the emotional blockage in opening up to anyone - your complete unwillingness to do so. He’s not just talking about the color of clothes that you usually wear around campus — a quirk that anyone could notice and use to scare you at a time like this. No, it’s not that simple. He’s talking about intimate things, about feelings; things that only someone who lives with you could say.
The thing is, you’re not an idiot. A self-imposed hermit with anxiety issues? Of course yes. But not an idiot. You understand enough about human psychology to know that every word that comes out of this stranger’s mouth is a threat cloaked in a teasing, sugar-coated tone. And the fact that he’s telling you personal things isn’t coming from some bizarre attempt to initiate a social interaction with you, but a demonstration that he knows exactly who you are. The game is blatantly in his favor, because he knows you, but you have no idea who he is. He holds the power here, and he’s making that clear to you.
"Are you okay there, princess? You've gone so quiet on me sudden." His voice snaps you out of your trance once more, eyes flickering rapidly to your horrified reflection in the mirror.
"W-who are you, a fucking stalker? How the hell do you know this things about me?" He laughs at the false bravado in your voice, your discomfort obvious and clear to him, no matter how much you don't want it to be.
"Nah, more like a secret admirer, I'd say." He answers you matter of factly, the acidic smile on his lips bleeding through the line. "Secret not for long, of course." There's a hint of suspense in it, something ominous that lingers in the silence that follows, as if he's purposefully fermenting you in his dark insinuation.
That's it, you need to hang up.
"Don't call me again or I swear I'll report you to the police, idiot." You threaten with a venomous sigh. A bluff, of course. There was no way you could make a minimally consistent complaint when you not only had no information about who this crazy man could be, but there wasn't even a real number registered for that call that could serve as evidence in a future police report. Unknown Number, that was all you had to work with. He knew that too, judging by the amused laughter buzzing on the other side of the line. You still hear it clearly when you pull the phone away from your ear to click the red icon on the screen, ending the call.
You're shaking when you look up at your reflection in the mirror, the woman in front of you staring at you with wide eyes and a scared face, the rush of raw adrenaline in your veins making your body vibrate like a power cable.
She said it would be fun.
Mako said it would be fun.
You shouldn't be here tonight if it weren't for that damned promise.
The prospect of change wasn't appealing to you; safety was appealing. Habits and routine were appealing. Habits and routine kept you healthy, safe. Nothing outlandish ever happened in your life, and you almost preferred it that way — if there were no surprises, there would be no disappointments, no risks, no panic attacks.
You weren’t supposed to be here tonight, and there was no other explanation than the folish notion that some cosmic misalignment had occurred and you were stuck right in the middle of an anomaly.
You try to take a deep breath, the discomfort in your chest indicating a possible second wave of panic approaching. No, no, not again. You just want to leave, you want to get out of this damn house and back to the safe confines of your dorm room before any more horribly improbable things happen to you tonight.
Rationally, you know that leaving the bathroom doesn’t seem like the most sensible option, especially when the stranger on the phone has offered you clues that he’s lurking outside. But all your scared, adrenaline-fueled mind can process at the moment is the urgent desire to get away from this place as quickly as possible. And that’s why you take one last deep breath, offering one more look at the forlorn woman in the mirror before quickly grabbing your gloves from the counter and turning to open the bathroom door, walking out without looking up as you unlock your phone with trembling fingers to text Mako.
"Ouch!" You gasp as you hit your forehead on something solid as soon as you step out, your phone dancing between your hands with the impact until it falls to the floor with a loud thud, along with your white gloves. Your instinctive reaction is to bend down to pick it up, already fearing possible damage to the screen, a damage that you certainly couldn't pay at the moment, but the tip of a black boot immediately appears in your line of vision, kicking your phone into the bathroom with a rough blow.
"Hey, what's your problem?!" You growl, looking up, your neck craning to glare at the rude idiot in front of you.
However, the indignation dies on your tongue and your heart sinks in your chest when the empty eyes of a masked figure stare back at you.
It's a costume party, of course, and the guy is in costume. There's nothing really suspicious about it. Nothing you should think twice about.
But when your eyes slide to what he holds between his fingers; the blade of an intimidatingly large kitchen knife, dripping thick liquid in fat crimson drops onto the floor, the smell is ferrous and acrid and so unmistakable; so strong that not even the smell of cheap weed and wet sex that seems to be embedded in every square inch of this frat house is enough to cover up that odor. Blood. Human blood. Dripping and heated.
And you just know.
You know it's him.
God knows how many days (fucking weeks) your hyperfocus has been on this man. The search bar of your browser and social media was full of questions about him, hunting like a detective in the safe solitude of your dorm room, eagerly searching for any clues to his identity. Nothing but "tall masked man" was what you came up with, no matter how hard you tried. His victims didn't live to tell the tale and the few, rare glimpses of him were too vague to confirm anything.
It’s insane the idea that you could tell it was him when there was barely any information about who he might be or what he looked like, but you know — you just know.
He stands there, relaxed and unfazed as you study him with growing horror, as if it were the natural thing to do — as if he’d been waiting all along for you to open the door so he could enter. And then the masked figure takes a casual step into the bathroom, the easy confidence in this simple act foreshadowing his ease in overpowering his victims.
You swallow hard, backing away slowly as you lock eyes with the killer’s empty mask holes. The notion that there’s no way out of the room becoming painfully obvious to you. The man takes up the entire space of the exit; the width of his shoulders spanning almost from one side of the doorframe to the other, his long legs slightly apart to fill any gaps.
The only way out of here would be if you stepped over him; and that wasn’t going to happen.
So much for a fun night.
(Part II in progress, if you are interested.)
#house of the dragon#aemond targaryen#ewan mitchell#hotd#hotd season 2#aemond one eye#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen smut#prince aemond#aemond imagine#ghostface#panic attack#triggers#ghostface x reader#ghostface x you#aemond x fem!reader#aemond x reader#scream
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