#i am NOT making irrational judgement calls i am instead letting people drag me out of the sludge pit

[pochapal]

girl who deserves a gold sticker for having a mature and measured relationship conversation instead of letting the self sabotage tendencies win

[theopenbookprojectstories-blog]

Spin Your Tale - Chapter 2

Adan had considered his uniform a symbol of honour ever since he first put it on. The uniform meant he was loyal to his king and his country. Yet as he stared at his fellow soldiers he felt a growing sense of unease. His uniform also meant he was like them. These soldiers were blinded by their trust in the throne. They looked at him like he was filth only because of the orders they had been given. They did not know his internal struggle about killing a desperate old man. They did not know how hard he had fought to save the city from total ruin. They did not care to know.

He accepted responsibility for his inaction at the start of the rebellion. A trial for that offence could come later though. After the people were helped. After the city was rebuilt. He tried to justify why these soldiers were after him, but he could not. It was irrational of the king to hunt men while the city was still burning. Adan feared his trial would be just as unreasonable as this hunt.

“Do not resist,” the soldier threatened as he took a step forward. Adan took a step back. He met the man’s cold glare with equal intensity. The soldier’s expression tightened into a sneer. Adan almost wanted to laugh at how much enmity and suspicion he felt for the other man. Just a day ago, he would have stood next to the man in ignorant pride.

He tried to hold onto the hope the king was a just man, but this arrest was too quick. The city was burning, people needed help. This was not the time to chase after supposed deserters. Yet that was exactly what these men did.

The soldier in the middle grabbed the hilt of his sword. The other two followed suit. Adan started to seriously wonder if he would even reach the king’s trial this way. They looked way too eager to cut him down.

The impending sense of danger forced him to make a decision so out of character he barely understood it himself. Maybe he would have acted differently if he had had enough sleep. If he had not lived through the revolution. If he had not seen the pain and suffering around him. If he had been who he had been a day ago, he would have surrendered. But he did not. Call it a momentarily lapse of judgement, or maybe finally a moment of clarity, but Adan moved his hand to the hilt of his sword.

Surprise overtook the soldiers’ expressions for a second, but it was quickly replaced by contempt. All three of them pulled out their swords, but it was only the one in the middle that took another step forward. This time, Adan took a step forward too. Just as they wanted to rush each other, a loud yell distracted them.

“Stop!” She seemed to step up out of thin air. A young woman planted herself between Adan and the other soldiers. With long brown curls and fiery eyes, she stared the soldiers down. The intensity of her expression made her appear taller than she really was. Both Adan and the soldiers were so surprised by her action that the tension between them was momentarily lessened. The soldier lowered his sword slightly, and Adan simply stared at the woman in silent astonishment.

"This man has helped save many more than you have!" she snapped "Parading around in your shining armour!" Her voice trembled with rage, and maybe with fear too. "He is needed here. What good can he do in a cell? People are dying still!"

Adan gaped. She had voiced what he had thought, but she seemed to have forgotten that she was unarmed while the soldiers in front of her were not. Yet what surprised him most was that she had come to his aid. The street had so quickly cleared of people when the soldiers had arrived. He had expected nobody to come to his aid.

While he respected her immediately for her honesty and courage, the soldiers in front of him thought differently. “Another traitor to the throne!” The soldier in the middle hissed “Death to them both!” He launched himself at the woman, who flinched back but was not fast enough to evade him. NO! Adan moved before he could truly think. He wrapped an arm around the woman and yanked her back against his chest at the same time he whipped out his sword. Their swords clashed, and steel met steel hard.

If he had been alone, he would have been slain within the next few strikes. His swordsmanship had never evolved beyond that what was needed during training. He had never wielded a sword in true battle, nor had he ever wielded it with the intent to kill. Fortunately, the woman in his arm had a quick mind and wished to live as much as he did. She leaned back against his chest and kicked the soldier hard between his legs. The man doubled over in pain.

The other two soldiers were right behind the downed man, but they seemed more reluctant than their informal leader to engage in a fight. Adan took the small window of opportunity to turn around and run. He dragged the woman with him as he sped down the street. She needed little encouragement as she ran alongside him as fast as her legs could carry her.

They were followed by angry screams from the soldier on the ground “Kill them! After them! Kill them!” Adan looked back and saw the other two soldiers were in pursuit. They did not seem to run as fast as they could, but Adan was not going to take any chances. He and the woman ran because their lives depended on it.

——

Dorioan stared up at the white ceiling of the healers' hall near the army's headquarters. Around him, the soft moans of other injured men were a constant reminder of where he was. The hall was filled with soldiers. They bore injuries that ranged from inconvenient to life-threatening. It had been many years since so many people had been there, and student healers hurried along the beds to attend to as many men as they possibly could. No doubt the healers themselves were still saving men's lives in the other rooms. Here and there, an uninjured soldier or officer sat at a man's bedside. Most soldiers were still in the city though. While the fighting had mostly died down, the city was still in chaos. All capable soldiers were assigned to rebuilding it and helping the citizens through this nightmare. God knows how many had lost their lives in the previous hours.

But Adan is alive. The thought that his friend was still alive was comforting. He kept repeating it in his head. At least Adan is alive. During the night, he had been repeating the phrase like a mantra, over and over again. It kept him from feeling the full extent of his injury. Still, he could not stop his thoughts from occasionally trailing back to the moment the two healers had stopped working on his leg. They had both looked grim. Neither of them had spoken, but they had exchanged a look that spoke enough. Dorioan had been around Adan look enough to understand the subtleties of a gaze.

Dorioan dealt with it as he dealt with most obstacles in life. He grit his teeth and moved on. Thankfully, the healers had made him bite into a cloth. He would have broken his jaw without it. The pain had been unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was blinding and all-consuming. Lying on that table under the hands of the healers had been more traumatic than the actual moment he got the injury. A shiver ran through him as he remembered the feel of the saw.

At least Adan is alive. He forced himself back on that mental track. At least Adan is alive. He was going to punch his friend for being so stupid when they were reunited, but Dorioan wished for the man's wellbeing until then.

“…They’re after Zarrathorne as well.”

The murmurs of the two officers several beds down the hall had been background noise so far but at the mention of Adan’s surname, Dorioan perked up. He recognised the officer in the bed. Wearam had been one of the men in charge of their sword training. Dorioan remembered him to be a good man who believed all soldiers were equal. It was probably why the man was in a hall with regular soldiers instead of in a private room. “Adan Zarrathorne?” Wearam sounded as surprised as Dorioan felt “That kid is as straight as an arrow.” The other officer shook his head. He looked like he wanted to spit on Adan’s name.

“Bastard deserted the king mid-battle.“

“That cannot be,” Wearam muttered. The man seemed shocked.

“A good soldier lost his leg because of his betrayal.”

Wearam was silent as he stared at the other man. Then he cursed “Let his be a wolf's head then.”

The words froze Dorioan to the core. He remembered them from childhood stories. They had just named Adan an outlaw. Anyone could kill him on sight. For something Adan had supposedly done to him. Cold shock was quickly replaced by burning anger. They had named Adan an outlaw because of the wound he had taken. Even though he had told his superiors in very clear words that Adan was not to blame. This mistake needed to be righted or his friend may die. Adan was as capable of surviving on the run as a lamb. His friend had many good qualities, but survival was not one of them. Too honest, too nice, too soft.

Dorioan turned slightly so he could face the officers. "Sirs," he began. Both of the men looked up at him "I am that soldier. I reported to my superiors Adan Zarrathorne is not to blame for my injury." It took an effort to sound polite. Inside, Dorioan was seething. "He saved me from death." The statement was not untrue. When he had been helpless on the ground, Adan had lunged for his attacker. It was why he only had a shallow slash across his shoulder instead of a dagger in his throat.

Both officers regarded him with unreadable expressions. It was a trick most army officials used when they did not want their thoughts to be known. Finally, Wearam turned to his fellow officer "Then why?" The other officer seemed less than eager to explain himself in the presence of a low-ranking soldier, but Wearam gestured for him to share what he knew. ".. Others have told a different tale," the man finally responded, "He refused battle." The man looked at Dorioan then "While you did not."

“But I, the one who lost his leg, know he is a man of honour,” Dorioan shot back without thought “These accusations are wrong.” Politeness had never been his strongest skill, and he could not bring himself to address the officer with the proper form of respect when the man seemed to judge his friend without proof.

“Your memory might be affected by what has happened,” the officer stated “But he is guilty. Zarrathorne’s fate is sealed.”

“This is unjust!”

“Do you question the King’s justice, soldier?” The man’s tone had taken on a sharp edge. Before Dorioan had realised it, he had waddled into waters deeper than he should have. A hush had fallen over the hall. He worked his lips. He knew he was in too deep, but he could not back out now. Not with Adan’s life at stake.

“Adan Zarrathorne is not a deserter.”

The officer regarded him with cold eyes "Loyalty is a worthy trait to have," the man finally said "Especially loyalty to the Throne. Remember that." The unspoken threat hung thick in the air. The king over his friend or he might face the same consequences as Adan.

——

“You’re a silent one, eh?”

That was hardly worth a response, but Adan nodded nonetheless. The man in front of him snorted. Dark eyes regarded him with a mixture of arrogance and barely concealed disdain. Adan instinctively disliked the other man. Something about him was just off. The man’s uniform was as dirty as his own, but where Adan’s clothes were smeared with dirt, grease and blood, the man’s smelled like booze. He named himself Gaeram, but Adan doubted that was his true name. Gaeram had been a hero from a long bypass age who was said to have overthrown the tyrant that ruled these lands. It was a name that invoked respect. The man in front of him did not. Despite that, this so-called Gaeram had gathered a significant amount of men around him in a short amount of time. The small inn was filled to the brim with more than fifty men. They all seemed to be soldiers. All had run from prosecution by the King’s Guard. Some, like Adan, still wore their uniforms.

To all, this inn was their first stop after fleeing the city. The inn was in a village called Naroad about ten miles from the capital city. There was a larger town closer to Imorand, so Naroad had never truly developed into a thriving town. Most people only passed through Naroad. That lack of interest in the village made it safer for people like Adan. He had heard about the inn from another man on the road. Apparently, most of those with uniforms or the look of being hunted were told to go to the Brown Haem in Naroad. The inn had become the unofficial gathering point of those accused of treason, whether the accusations were just or not.

While Adan knew of himself that he was not untrustworthy, he did not know how to judge the other men. They might have gone through the same internal conflict as he had, but they might very well be true cowards. The moment he thought that he grimaced. In the eyes of many, he was also a coward. He tried to search for reasons why he might be more moral than the other men but found none. If anything, he was below them. Because he had actually been the cause of a serious injury to another soldier.

Gaeram tipped a finger towards a table near the front door of the inn “Guess you’ll do. Take a seat.” No sooner had he said it that his gaze settled on the woman hidden partly behind Adan’s back. Naen was her name. Adan had learned it only an hour prior. She had followed him after they had escaped from the soldiers. He had wanted to urge her to go home, but he could not guarantee her safety in Imorand. She had come to his aid in a desperate moment, so now he felt responsible for her safety. Which was terrifying, because he felt he could barely guarantee his own.

Gaeram’s leering smile revealed brown teeth. His eyes were still on Naen. “You’re a pretty one.”

The words made Adan’s skin crawl. Gaeram half turned towards a table in the centre of the room. It was filled with food and wine. Four other men sat on chairs around it. All had that same air of arrogance around them. Whatever the gathered men in the inn could be called, it was clear their unofficial leaders were at that table. Gaeram made a grand gesture towards the table “A special seat for you, my lady. Let me tell you my tale.”

Naen had already proven herself to be quick-witted, and she didn't miss a beat this time either "Talking is silver. Silence is gold." Her smile was so sweet Gaeram did not immediately catch on to the insult. They turned their backs on him before he realised it. Adan admired her composure, but it also made him wonder what kind of life she had led. She seemed unfazed by the number of soldiers around her. Aside from the two serving maids of the inn she was the only woman there, but she carried herself as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

As they walked towards the table near the front door, she leaned closer "Mister Gaeram the great reeks," she whispered. Adan grinned and made a move as if he tipped a glass of wine down his throat. She chuckled. Her expression smoothed out as they reached the table. Three men were already seated there. One of them was even younger than Adan. The other had a coarse beard and looked as grim as Adan felt. The third bit at his fingernail as he stared into nothingness. The man with the beard nodded as they sat down. The younger one smiled to them, but the expression fell from his face just as quick. They all sat in silence.

Adan glanced around the inn. The maids in the inn ran around to serve food and wine. They flashed bright smiles and cheerful winks towards the men. The innkeeper, a stocky man with graying hair, frowned though. Undoubtedly, the man wanted to stay away from any and all problems. He seemed to rethink accepting men with questionable backgrounds into his inn. He had probably been blinded by the promise of money. As soldiers, all of them carried a few golden coins. That was a small fortune anywhere outside of Imorand. Adan was glad for the man’s greed. He and Naen had been able the rent two of the last few rooms, even though they were overpriced. A roof over their heads and a night of sleep might clear up their minds. Adan certainly hoped he would feel less clueless as he did now. He felt like he needed to navigate in the dark. There was just no clear path of action he saw in front of him. The other men at the table seemed to share his feelings.

When Naen and he had received their meals, they ate in silence. The other men seemed somewhat reluctant to speak their mind with Naen around. It was only after they finished their food that she had excused herself and retired to her room, that they began to talk. The youngest one was named Olaer. He had fled from his post at a money bank when the protesting masses had turned into the streets. He had enough wits about him to understand he would be killed if he had stayed. Ioran bit at his fingers hard before he had admitted he had been too scared to fight. He seemed ashamed of it, and would not share more. Dario told his story last. He stroked at his beard as he recalled the events of the day. He been on duty as a watchman at the city's walls, but had been delayed by what he called ‘a previous appointment with a lady'. The protesters had gotten into the city. It would have happened even if he had been there, but his absence made him a deserter.

Dario focussed his gaze on Adan “And you? What is your crime?”

Adan tapped his lips and made a slashing motion. The older man raised an eyebrow “The crime of silence,” the man murmured sarcastically. Adan tried to show them his failure, but the men continued to stare at him blankly. He halted after some tries. “None of us wanted to give our lives for the throne,” Olaer whispered suddenly “That is why we must now. To set an example to all who think of straying from the Throne.”

Ioran made a sort of wailing noise, bit off against his hand. Dario sagged back against his seat and sighed “I’m afraid so.” Adan had heard whispers like that in the city. He had not paid them much mind, he had been too busy trying to save what could be saved. At Olaer’s statement, he felt he should have paid the rumours more mind. He could have fled earlier. At least he would have never met Naen then. That would have been one life saved.

Dario crossed his arms as he seemed to contemplate their current situation “No mercy for anyone. That has always been the King’s rule,” the man said “Especially now. They need to show control. Punish those that betrayed the throne, and set an example to all who think about desertion or sympathise with the rebels.”

Dario’s words twisted Adan’s stomach into knots. He had hoped his case was just a mistake. He had hoped he would be excused. But he seemed to be part of a larger plan. Individuals would get crushed in schemes like the one Dario had described to them.

As the men continued to speculate they became increasingly pessimistic. Adan found no comfort in their presence nor in their words, so he slipped away to his room. He hoped to find some comfort in a quiet space with a soft bed, but when he opened the door to his room, the stink of pigs assaulted his nose. The room was a tiny one on the first floor. A bed was crammed on one side and a closet on the other. The window in the middle of the opposite wall was cracked open. When he looked through it, he saw a pig pen just under the window. Several pigs were asleep in the mud.

Adan wanted to slam the window shut, but it refused and sprung open again. He struggled with it for a minute more, before he gave up and let himself fall onto the bed with a mental curse. He had sunk so low. He had been a proud member of the army. He had a best friend that understood him. He had a bright future ahead of him. All of that had changed because of his inability to perform his duty. Now he was nothing. He saw how the other men considered his silence to be a nuisance. He did not know if he would survive tomorrow. He did not know what he was supposed to do. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind. He wanted to scream, but he could not. He thought he would not be able to sleep because of his worries, but he had forgotten he had not slept in two days. So when he rolled to his side he was gone within minutes.

The crack of dawn had become a dangerous time. Just as the first rays of sun peeked over the horizon, Naen shook him awake. Disorientated, Adan sat up. "The King's Guard," she whispered, "They are in the inn." He sprang up from the bed. His heart thundered in his chest as he gazed at her. He had so many questions, but she did not understand sign language nor could she read his lips. They simply stared at each other in fear. It was then Adan heard the shuffling of feet. There were many, but they were suspiciously quiet. Obviously, these people were not yet ready to be discovered. Naen moved to the door and put her ear next to the keyhole. She was chewing her lip as she listened.

Adan moved to the window and cracked it open further. Slowly, carefully, he glanced outside. His room was located at the back of the building, only the pig pen, the stables and storage buildings were located there. He listened to the sound of the pigs, to the softer sounds of horses snorting and moving. Everything else was still quiet. He snapped his fingers to get Naen’s attention. The sound seemed too loud in the tense silence, and he cringed as his gaze shot to the door. Had they heard?

When no soldiers forced the door open, he gestured for Naen to come to him. She backed away from the door slowly. He hoisted himself up on the window frame. One last look, and then he dropped himself down into the pig pen. He landed ungracefully in the mud, but he only felt relief he had gotten the room above the pig pen. He looked up and gestured Naen to jump down. Naen jumped after a slight hesitation.

At the same time, the sound of doors being slammed open and threatening shouts could be heard from the open window. Adan dragged Naen with him to the ground. They frantically crawled under a small wooden roof where the pigs could hide from the rain. A pig stared at them in startled surprise as they squeezed past it. It seemed mostly unbothered by them, and they used its body to hide from view as best as they could. Laying so close together, he felt Naen's pounding heart. He was sure his own heart was beating just as hard. His fear had turned into stark terror. He heard men scream inside the inn. The sound of fighting followed suit. And then the screams of dying men began. He had heard those screams only once before, during the terrible uprising in Imorand. It was a sound that he would never be able to forget.

It terrified him how the King's Guard seemed to hunt deserters as convicted criminals. His guilt had not even been formally proven, but Adan knew he would be killed if the soldiers got their hands on him. What had Dorioan told them? The thought that his friend ratted him out felt like a betrayal to the man, but why else did these men hunt him?

When the sounds faded somewhat from the building, Adan crawled to the edge of the low ceiling and peeked up. He was breathing hard and he wanted to run, but he forced himself to check every window. When he was sure that nobody was looking out of a window, he gestured for Naen to follow him. They climbed the fence of the pig pen and snuck around the side of the inn, staying as close to the walls as they could. As they came close to the main street, the sounds of men became louder again. Adan glanced around the corner with a sinking feeling in his stomach. The village street was filled with soldiers.

He looked back to Naen and shook his head. Naen seemed to understand immediately. Instead of despairing as he did, she pointed back toward the pig pen. He followed her as they snuck back. She did not stop at the pig pen, but continued to the stable. "Here," she whispered as she reached the wooden structure "We take a horse and run."

[aurimeanswind]

Sunday Chats—Furious Edition (4-9-17)

Here I am, in a post Fast 5, Fast and Furious 6, and Furious 7 world. I guess let’s talk about it.

Relaxing Sunday & Your Name

To kick things off, today was the first Sunday I officially had off from work since Christmas. I had missed a couple here and there, but it was either because I was sick or because of PAX. So this was the real deal. I mean, I should take some weekends off every now and again, but I never do. I almost always work Saturday and Sunday, and it is pretty killer. Sunday is my favorite day of the week, thus me sharing it with all you lovely readers.

So I kicked off my Sunday getting up early and going to a nice matinee. I had heard good things about Your Name, an anime ass anime movie, and I’m still hungering for romance (as always) so I made the time to go see it.

I really enjoyed it. Above all else, the film is astoundingly gorgeous. Some of the best drawn settings I think I have ever seen in a Japanese animation. The landscapes especially legitimately blew my away. It’s a love story between two young folks, a boy and girl, who keep switching bodies when they go to sleep. The premise is really cool, and they make it cute and wonderful in all the right places, and there were twists, which in general I didn’t expect. But there were aspects of it that were frustratingly long to come to fruition. For me, this tactic usually works very well, but it was just the pacing and the way the two characters were introduced that was very confusing or just not to my liking. In the end, I just needed those romantic feels, and I feel like I never fully got that payoff. The way it goes is something that I’ve seen a great deal in anime, and has worked for me in others (see: Waiting in the Summer) but I just don’t think there was enough of that relationship.

I still really liked it, and feel it was a well told story. It was Ghibli-eqsue, but more grounded, so worth a look

Fast and Furious I guess...

Okay I’ll talk about Fast and Furious.

I have been really hesitant to get into these because it’s y’know... cars. I don’t like cars. I like speed and action that involves cars, but the focus on cars usually gets away from me. And the focus around them was definitely my least favorite part about the three F&F movies I watched. I thought Fast 5 was by far the weakest, and I’m not sure why it’s regarded as the best. The intro was too long, and the big set piece scene of dragging the safe around, which was awesome, just went on for waaaaaay too long.

It was still a ton of fun though. Way more love for Gal Gadot because of her role in Fast 5 and 6. She was super cool, and one of my favorite of the team members. The assembling the team, the heist prep, the running from Rock-Cop, all of that worked for me, but I just felt there was more of it and it was better in F&F6.

I mean, Fast and Furious 6, as I was explaining to a friend earlier, is top-tier because of this incredible scene alone:

But 6 really just hit the ground running and never stopped. The London chase scene, the fucking tank, it was all so good.

Oh and this:

And Furious 7 was really great too. It was maybe too much for me because I was so fucking tired watching it I was falling asleep, but these movies are incredibly exhausting, to be fair. 

I appreciated multiple set pieces in Furious 7, instead of hanging on just one. Also to be fair: 6 had a bunch of great set pieces, but there were like six in Furious 7. It was fucking nuts.

I enjoyed them a ton, Fast and Furious 6 is like, far and away the best one to me, and maybe I’ll go see Fate of the 8. I don’t know. 

BUT THERE. I WATCHED THREE OF THEM. I SAW THE FIRST ONE A LONG TIME AGO. LEAVE ME ALONE JOEY NOELLE.

What’s on Tap

Since it’s just Persona 5 still, I’ll talk a bit more about it. I am about 55-60 hours in now, and I feel like maybe I’m halfway through? Maybe more.

LOVING IT. Literally everything about it is incredible and feels almost hand-made for me. It’s difficult for me to not be hyperbolic about it when I start thinking about it, but it’s also difficult for me to nail down what’s really all that great about it when I’m not in it and playing it. Like, a couple days removed form the last time I played it, I’m sitting here thinking, “well, is it really that good?” and that’s because I need to hold this to the highest of judgement. I can’t just say it’s better than Persona 4 Golden and mark it as my new #1 and be done, I need to be thorough here. As soon as I am a couple hours into my next play session, I’ll be head over heels again. I dream about it. I think about it always. I couldn’t even tell you why right now because it’s all hazy. The game is just that good.

We talked about it a ton of the podcast last night, and I think we had a really great discussion. All the new mechanics, all of the enhancements, they show a team they just really gets their fans, their fanbase, and also understand their own shortcomings. They poured their heart and soul into this game, and did it both for themselves, but also for a fanbase they clearly care a great deal about. I don’t think I’ve seen a developer outside of Naughty Dog so in tune with what their fan base wants even better than I, as a massive fan of theirs, could have imagined.

Again, I’m sure its hyperbolic, but the game makes me emotional, gives me chills and misty eyes in all the right places, and as I’m still very much in it, it’s hard for me to write coherently about it. I don’t even know how I feel about it right now, especially considering I’ve hit such massive moments of intrigue just where I last left off. I can’t wait to see more.

Oh and we’re giving away a copy of Persona 5 on Irrational Passions Podcast! If you are in the UNITED STATES ONLY you can tweet @IrrationalPod on Twitter with the #PersonaQ with one thing you think looks cool about Persona 5 and enter a chance to win a steel book copy of the game!

Questions:

I feel like I conveyed my feelings on the series pretty well, but here are some other highlights:

When the Rock drops the Eff-Bomb almost right after he first appears in Fast 5 is great.

When the Rock throws that guy around the interrogation room.

When Vin Diesel just LIFTS A CAR AND NO ONE QUESTIONS IT?!?!

The Paul Walker tribute was quite good.

The idea of Vin Diesel consistently having superhuman abilities is just generally really funny to me.

All the set pieces. The London chase may have been my favorite.

The movies are good, sometimes great, not amazing. But I’m glad I watched them.

There are so many. Morganna in your bag is a great call out. Watching the character’s faces change in scenes is actually really great. Ryuji’s reactions are great, and so are another character that you see later, that I’ll refrain from going into. All the touches and attention to detail in the Metaverse.

That one they drove from one building, to another building, TO ANOTHER FUCKING BUILDING.

I am 55-ish hours in. I don’t really like comparing the characters to other Persona characters. I fell in the same trap from 3 to 4. And I know these games are going to get a lot of comparisons, but honestly they are so different. It’s not as fair to the characters, specifically, to keep going back and forth comparing them. I think the way they develop those characters merits comparison, but maybe not the people themselves.

As for the best girl stuff... Listen, I honestly really fucking hated where all of the “best girl” “my waifu” bullshit with Persona 4 went. Not just because I think I got the brunt of it being a huge fan of Rise, but there is this weird ownership/dismissiveness to it. Like, I totally get, respect, and love the reasons people loved Chie, or Yukiko. I think by saying someone is best, even in a joking manner, because it all starts jokingly, can be a bit dismissive to other folks, and that was the stuff I really hated about the Persona 4 discussions I got dragged into. When people shit on Rise, who I legitimately  love, again, my favorite video game character of all time, it honest to god hurts and offends me. Sure I’m probably being too sensitive, but Persona should be personal, it should feel incredibly close to your heart, that’s what that series is asking of the player and what its going for, so I want to really set a precedent for that going forward. Lead by example or whatever, and not make this some bullshit arbitrary competition.

I know that was way more agro a response than you were probably expecting Jacob, and sorry to get all intense there. Currently I have not chosen a love interest in my own personal story, and still have one female companion left to join the party (going off boxart alone, and what I’ve seen in the story) so I am waiting to get to know her. I’ll say this: my feelings are confused and all over the place. Figuring out where I land will be very hard.

Well, and I tweeted about it this week, I did apply for a recent editor position. This is probably my 6th or so application. In all fairness, this and my last one were probably my strongest, with the ones before being far more disorganized, but yeah. I tweeted saying “please stop asking me about it” in a (mostly) joking way, but I think it came across as a little rude. I obviously incredibly super appreciate all the support and notifications that came through from folks saying that the job listing was up and I should apply. I got a text almost the moment it went up from a friend letting me know I should apply. I’m humbled so many folks believe I’m qualified.

I just also know the reality that choosing from local San Francisco people as well as their own freelance pool will absolutely come first. I’m in neither of those camps, so it’s pretty much already shipped. And I do know these things, I’ve heard stories, I’ve poured my heart and soul into these applications before, and I’ve never once even gotten a call or email. I’m not trying to be pessimistic or dismissive, just want to set the proper expectation.

Thank you all so much for your support. I’m too lucky to have you all cheering me on.

Haha Persona games like really big long supernatural mystery novels! They massive page turners, which leans right into the mechanic of it being a day-by-day progression!

I’ll say this Logan, and you’re gonna love it when you get to it, but the characters are very smart. They sit down and have big discussions and conversations asking each other the same questions you ask yourself while playing, and even come to realizations you yourself may not have gotten too. Especially where I am at in the story, there is a kind of secondary mystery going on that is perplexing both me and my gang of misfits, and the conversations surrounding that mystery or thorough, explored, and just super well done.

Fuck. This game is so good.

EPCOT is super cool! For me, I’ve never really been there as an adult, and it only gets better then. I mean honestly, just walking around the World Showcase is super cool. There is food from a bunch of different places, beer and alcohol from there as well (if you’re into that Harold). I really liked Mission Space, but it’s pretty intense, I don’t know if you’d like it. They have a Green version that’s not super motion-y so you may have fun with that.

I really loved the Ellen/Bill Nye ride there, but apparently that’s gone now. Otherwise, just enjoy the setting, enjoy the food! It’s probably the most fun park to just look at, in my opinion. Oh, and the spaceship Earth ride is a classic!

I did not, but it was definitely immensely sad. It gave me a greater appreciation for Paul Walker and his work. They were running a promo on the Xbox Video Store, where I rented all the movies from, where a portion of the proceeds went to the charity foundation that Paul Walker helped start, so that’s good.

I don’t know... Like, probably the characters that just feel like big copies of the other universe’s characters. Like Firestorm feels like a cheap human torch. I know he isn’t and Firestorm probably came first or whatever, but one character just never felt as interesting to me.

I don’t think there is a standout disaster comic book character for me though.

How about all the characters from The Walking Dead, even though I’ve never read the comic and just really hate the show now.

Like a lot.

When I want to. When it’s time.

I had to look this up because I had no idea what it was. Seems silly and dumb. Roger Pokorny tweeted this out at some point this past week, and I thought it was fucking hilarious:

I believe it’s edited, but it’s still so fucking funny.

The Rock is so great. I realized this week that I don’t think I had ever actually watched a movie with him in it. Like, Moana does not have him physically in it, even though he is so good in it. But yeah, he is really the thing that pushed me over the edge to watch them. And Joey Noelle’s borderline harassment. 

And the safe dragging was great, just went on for too long.

Yeesh. I don’t know. I’m probably living my biggest regret, and it’s probably in regards to finding love.

But really, I don’t know. Taking as long as I did to finish school? Getting sick in high school? I have a lot. Many my closest friends would say were “out of my control” but... That lingering responsibility really messed me up.

This is a great questions! Beignets is the answer. There was this local restaurant near me that only served beignets during their Sunday brunch, and they were so fucking good. It was the only thing that could get me to tear my ass out of bed on the weekend back when I was in grade school.

Then, suddenly, THEY STOPPED SERVING THEM. And literally no good reason was given. I know I could just go to New Orleans and get beignets any day of the week, but i don’t have that power or capability!

Ahg. Still makes me so mad to this day.

Shoutouts

Shout out to P Studio, for taking my heart.

Again.

That’s all I got. Sorry for the shitty shoutout this week, but I am tired from all my furiousness. 

I’m gonna go crash now. Love you all. Love your support.

keep it real.

[calmawakening]

Philosophy, Humans and Labels

    I realized I am not so much a fan of thought experiments after my first and only formal philosophy class. The Introduction to Metaphysics and Epistemology I took during my second semester in university helped me realized that I liked the idea of philosophy more rather than doing it. Perhaps it was my inability with relating the thought experiments regarding parallel universes to “real life.” May be, it had something to do with the way philosophy was taught to me in that particular class: philosophy was heavily analytical and drew on thinkers who I had almost no context to relate to. And learning for me becomes enjoyable when I can relate to it at least on some level. Perhaps there are some other factors at play that I am not aware even now.     At least this is what I thought until the United Airlines incident. On Sunday April 9th, police officers in the Chicago airport dragged a passenger out of the United Airlines Louisville bound flight. The person, whose legal identity has not yet emerged, as per some media outlets is of Vietnamese origin and has been living in the US for the last 20 years. A doctor by profession, he refused to leave his seat and was ultimately removed. There are videos showing him returning to the flight sometime afterwards in a pretty distressed condition. A picture of him bleeding has also emerged.     Once I got a chance to plug myself into the world of the internet out from the web of Kathmandu’s dust laden streets, few thought experiments came to my mind. Here is a first one: Imagine the similar incident happening in a country where civic solidarity and public trust are low? Would they have expressed similar concerns either on board or in social media? Here we are keeping all the variables constant and trying to understand the role of citizens’ awareness and solidarity. I leave it up to the audience to think about the answers themselves. It is also quite interesting to note that this issue comes to the awareness of such a large audience within a considerable short duration.     Second: Imagine a Caucasian male being dragged out of an airplane somewhere in Southeast Asia under similar circumstances? Here we are trying to think about the racial dynamics and power relations among people from different countries. Perhaps this is not a politically correct question to ask but one cannot but think for a moment if the way man appeared, i.e. with some prominent “Asian” (as is understood in the popular culture, again my friends may decry the use of the word for not being politically correct) features, had something to do with him being singled out. Or perhaps not.     Third: Imagine what if you were that human being who was being dragged out? How would you feel? One moment you are construing plans about seeing your patients the next day and you already are eager to see the azure sky above the clouds while on the way. The next moment you are forced to get down despite having made the booking in time. Perhaps you were planning to catch up with a best friend of yours later that day who you had not seen since graduation. Perhaps you had made promises to your family to Skype in few hours because you had missed a celebration and wanted to wish them over a video call.      Unfortunately this is not what we hear. Our supercomputer minds work faster than the speed of light in condemning or defending the parties involved. This is not to say that what was done should have happened. What I am saying is that we become so engrossed in talking about the phenomena that we often forget about the incident as it happened and its human implications.     And this is not just an isolated event in today’s media consuming culture. For instance, while reacting to the war in Syria, we talk about pros and cons of a “strike.” In labeling the phenomenon, we already objectify the incident that most of the times is difficult to comprehend. What a “strike” probably means is that a bomb weighing thousands of pounds hits a tea shop where the “terrorist” was sipping a cup of tea in a casual fashion along with his high school friends. A bomb suddenly drops shredding his body to tens of pieces, like a dropped clay vessel with pieces scattered all over the floor, only the former is a living being with blood and veins. Along with him, perhaps six of his friends died, who were there to catch up with their beloved friend, who used to be quite thoughtful in school but has become radicalized in recent days. They might have been there to convince their friend to return to his previous self. Unfortunately, “a strike killing seven suspected terrorists” does not tell us this. Instead, we take the news for granted and go on debating whether or not the “strike” and “casualties” were worth in preventing a “terrorist” act.     These thoughts in no way should be taken as a judgement against the actions taken because often situations are complex and decisions have to be made in light of these circumstances, which are not perfect. And because we are irrational decision makers, however much rational we think of ourselves to be, we end up making judgement that might not seem the most sensible or rational in hindsight. Instead, my intention is to humanize the conversations that we have these days.     The hope is that next time we react to an incident involving a human being, rather than talking about “a passenger” or “a terrorist” we start talking about a person first and her or his identities under such circumstances later. A passenger could also be a husband or a dad or a doctor or all of the above, so could be a “terrorist.” And let us observe what such conversations will lead us to. Let us go beyond racial, national, ethnic, professional and religious categories in seeing a human being. Perhaps only then could we begin to fathom how crucial a human life is. Perhaps then we will being to empathize with the lives of others as much as ours own.     Boxing people’s existence into identities makes it easier for us to judge and put someone in the category of “us” vs “them.” We value the “us”s for we see a part of ourselves in them. The “them”s frighten us, some more so than others. It is quite ironic that the same strategy that helps us survive in the world also distances us from it. Said that it is possible for us to go beyond the categories for once and see things as they are: a human being as a human being in itself without labels. Viewing the person from the United’s flight in this light, as a thought experiment, might yield some interesting perspectives.