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heliotropehotch · 3 years

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distance - s.r. x gn!reader

Summary: idiots in love realize the truth after a bad date and some snooping through personal journals.

a/n: it's been a hot minute since I created any Spencer content so here you go! Thanks to all of you for your support on my first Aaron smut!!! Please leave any feedback or requests in my inbox I just love interacting with you guys<3

CW: jealous, unwanted sexual advances (just comments and words, a little bit of groping) idiots in love, snooping through journals, adorable fluff

Masterlist

author: author

words: 1589

happy reading!

The date was a complete bust. While they had really tried to enjoy it, it wasn’t like Y/N could ignore their rude tone, entitled attitude, and blatant disrespect for their boundaries. The guy had already tried to grope them three different times before they even got to the restaurant.

As their date progresses, John’s, or was it Jim, advances got more aggressive, making it clear to them that he only wanted one thing.

“Why don’t we just pay now and head back to my place?” His smirk curled unsettling across his face.

Y/N cleared their throat, fingers curling around the ends of their shirt in brace of the conversation. “I’m not sure I feel comfortable with that.”

His brows furrowed, smirk quickly dropping. “Not comfortable? Ugh, I know you’d be uptight.”

“Excuse me?”

“I agreed to go on this boring ass date, the least I can get is laid. But now you’re a fucking prude, after all this. I’m leaving.” He threw his napkin on the table before pushing his chair back loudly and brushing past the table.

For a minute, Y/N sat there shocked, staring blankly at the now empty seat across from them. They looked around, making sure that their date’s little explosion hadn’t drawn the attention of the neighboring tables. A shaky sigh left their mouth, pulling cash from their wallet and leaving well enough for both meals.

Spencer wouldn’t do this, they thought. Pain coursed through them, knowing he was the reason they agreed to this date in the first place. Spencer would be kind.

They reached for their phone, turning their car on and pulling out to get as far away from that place as possible.

“Hello?” His voice echoed through the speaker of the phone.

“Spence,” their voice was soft and saddened. “Can I come over? Please?”

“I thought you were on a date.” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but wasn’t sure how well he was doing it.”

Their voice was heavy, trembling with tears caught in their throat. “He just wanted to get laid, Spence. Stormed out when I said no.”

Spencer Reid swore that he had never felt more anger than he had then. “He did what?”

“Can I just come over, please? I- I don’t wanna be alone.”

“Of course, Y/N/N,” he sighed, heart rate increasing with a new kind of panic. “Do you need me to come get you?”

“No, I’ve got my car, I’ll be there soon.” They sighed, indignant of the evening behind them. “Thank you, Spence.”

“Of course.”

---

When his best friend (and secret love interest) had arrived at his door with remnants of tears tracking down their cheeks, Spencer immediately felt guilty for even being angry at them for going on a date.

They pushed forward, wrapping their arms around his waist and burying their head in his chest. He squeezed them, rubbing small circles on their back between their shoulder blades. His heart clenched as he felt their lungs stutter with tears. “Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

He pulled them into his apartment, thumbs brushing excess tears off their cheeks before setting them on his couch. He darted off to the kitchen, pouring a cup of their tea he keeps handy before settling next to them on the worn letter.

��Do you want to talk about it?” He threw his arm over the back of the seat.

“He called me a ‘fucking prude.’” They sniffled into their mug. “Said I was a boring date.”

Spencer’s hand clenched at his side in anger. “You don’t deserve that.”

They shook their head, settling the warm mug down on the coffee table. “Maybe he’s right, Spence.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean every relationship I’ve been in just ends with me getting left behind because they’ve grown tired of me.”

“Y/N,” he took their hands in his, something he was only comfortable doing with a few people. “Those people didn’t understand how amazing you were, and couldn’t see what they were leaving behind.”

A weak smile was sent in his direction. “Come on, let’s distract you.”

The opening credits to Doctor Who were an oddly comforting sound as Y/N sunk further into Spencer’s couch and his side. Heart racing, as it always did when they cuddled (platonically), his arms tightened around them and prayed his heart wouldn’t pound enough to disturb them.

An episode, or two passed, he wasn’t really paying attention to the screen. Their breath had settled into a steady rhythm, both of their bodies shifting to lay on the couch. The soft pressure of the air leaving their mouth tickled the thin cloth of his t-shirt, lulling him into his own sleep.

The sunlight trickled through his curtains, awakening him to the presence that still laid on his chest. He shifted carefully, releasing them from his hold. He sighed peacefully, watching their undisturbed form continue to rest.

He shuffled quietly around the apartment, resuming his own morning routine as quietly as he could. He pulled his notebook out of his work bag, writing down his thoughts to un-jumble his mind as he sat at his kitchen counter. He left a sticky note on Y/N’s phone, letting them know he went to grab food before retreating quietly out of the apartment.

When Y/N woke up, they noticed their best friend’s absence immediately, frowning at the possibility they had made him uncomfortable. Their spine elongated as they stretched from the rough support of the couch, taking account of their surroundings and the note that was left for them.

They were used to spending nights at Spencer’s honestly. Too many late nights talking, too many sleepovers. They found their way to the shower, washing off last night’s emotions with an unexpected ease. However, they grabbed a t-shirt from Spencer’s closet, too tired to put on the fancy clothes they had on yesterday.

Y/N had yet to be by themself in Spencer’s apartment, always spending time with him whenever they were there. Yet now, they could properly look at his decor without fear that he would think there was judgement. The books that littered the apartment were the perfect amount of clutter, much like how Spencer’s mind usually seemed to be. Eventually, inevitably, their eyes found the journal.

They didn’t mean to snoop, not really. But having your name written on a journal would draw anyone’s curiosity. Y/N’s heart pounded as they read the words over and over again.

I don’t understand how anyone could treat Y/N the way that dick did last night. Why doesn’t anyone see their beauty like me? I want them to be happy, even if it’s not with me.

They missed the sound of the apartment door unlocking. Or Spencer opening the door and crossing the threshold.

“Hey I got your favorite-” He paused, eyes widening at the open journal he left on the counter.

“What are you doing?” Spencer rushed out in a panic as he closed the door to his apartment, stumbling onto the sight that caused his stomach to drop, and his grip to loosen on the pastry bag.

“Were you ever gonna tell me?”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“That’s not the point, Spence.”

“Y/N-”

“Spencer Reid, I have sat here for years, so hopelessly in love with you and I had to find out from a fucking open journal that you feel the same? How is that fair?”

Spencer took a step back in shock, with his hands falling aimlessly to his sides. “You love me?”

“I mean even when you liked JJ I just sat there quietly because I knew that she was more important to you, but I wanted to scream every time I caught you look at her. And don’t even get me started on the whole Emily thing because I love JJ but I swear I’ve never wanted to slap her more for hurting you that way because of course I care about you Spence, how could have not known that-”

And while Spencer had been in love with them, and the way they talked with their hands when they rambled, he needed nothing more than to shut them up. He smiled as he pressed his lips against theirs, their mumbled words fading into sighs as their kiss continued. His arms wrapped sweetly around their middle, enjoying the familiarity of his shirt of their body and pulling their body further into his. He pulled back when they couldn’t breathe, and rested his head against theirs. “I love you, too, by the way.”

“How could you not tell me?” They smiled, happy to be breathing the same air as him. He chuckled, squeezing them affectionately.

“How could you not tell me? Y/N I just picked you up from a date.”

“Well, it was only an attempt to move on.” They laughed softly, combing their fingers through his curly mop. “How long, Spence?”

“Hmm?” His eyes had drifted closed, too peaceful to move.

“How long have we been loving each other from a distance, Spencer? How long have we both been pining over something we could have had this whole time?”

“I’ve been in love with you since you walked through the door.”

They giggled, looking into Spencer’s eyes. “Who knew you were such a sap. I expect you to let me read everything about me in that journal.”

He laughed, squeezing them tightening against his chest and pecking the side of their forehead. “You wish.”

#spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #spencer reid #mgg #idiots in love #cm #criminal minds #spencer reid x you

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joeflorge · 7 years

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YOU are the only friend I feel I have at this moment because no one cares about me anymore. So sorry in advance for this email, I’m venting and pouring my heart into this as I have no where else I can put my thoughts. It’s also likely to be unstructured because as when I write I’ll cry and my thoughts will just be written straight down.

Just recently I’ve been incredibly unhappy. I wouldn’t say it’s clinical depression, but I’m at a very low point in my life. Looking back on all my choices, I’ve made them for other people and am getting to the point where I’m thinking to myself is it really all worth it? Like what’s the point going on doing something you really have no passion in? I hate myself for having these thoughts because there is so much more going on in the world that’s so much more important and I really can’t stand being an inconvenience to anyone. Everyone else is always so busy and everything I do is so irrelevant, so again, what’s the point?

I hate how when people see that you’re unhappy, their suggestion is simply to ‘get help’. If only it were that easy. When you’re already a constant disappointment, literally the last thing you want to do is to make a fuss over something like this and bring attention to yourself, because almost always it comes back to bite you when people say you’re doing it ‘for attention’. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just can’t seem to pluck up the courage to tell my mum. It’s mad because she’s always been there for me, and if she ever found out I was this unhappy she’d blame herself, and I don’t think I could cope with that.

I’m in a horribly unappealing 7:30 - 17:00 job as a trainee at the moment, where I’m given almost no work to fill my day, and often hear discriminatory slurs thrown about the office like it doesn’t matter. When I’m sitting in that office, filled with people who judge people based on their sexuality orientation, race and gender, rather than what is actually valued in society - their worth - it’s demotivating and I can’t be myself. Being a gay man, I don’t feel like I can continue like this. I feel like I need to change who I am to fit in, and that’s not a feeling I’ve felt since high school.

I used to be so happy. Used to enjoy going to school and meeting with my friends and having a laugh. Now I dread every morning because of the hell-hole I was ‘forced’ into by my family's ability to make someone feel bad for something they’ve not even done yet.

This is all my fault. And I don’t know what to do. I used to have dreams and aspirations and have so much drive. And now I see no point in any of it. Life is so meaningless anyway. Everything we do, it doesn’t matter at the end of the day because we all end up the same. Incredibly depressing thought, but it’s true. Why do we waste our lives sitting at a desk for half a day in meaningless jobs. Ugh, it just makes me so angry knowing the problem but not feeling like I can fix it.

I’ll never find love. Or happiness. How will I? I don’t do anything. I come home from work and stop. It’s so draining putting on an act everyday that I just don’t have the energy to do anything. Nothing would ever last if it did come about anyway. I’m so un-lovable it’s ridiculous. I’m ugly. I don’t do anything. I’m not interesting. I have no hobbies. I have nothing.

I don’t know how to go forward. If I quit my job that’s me done. I’m too poor to leave. My mum wouldn’t be able to afford the rent if I left home. The majority of my family will hate me. They’ll really think it’s a cry for attention… And if I don’t leave my job, I can see it being the end of me. I’ll have to suppress the real me, be constantly unhappy. I don’t think I could live with either of the two. Either way I end up hating my life.

My future looks bleak. Boring. Dull. Whatever you want to call it. It looks terrible and not one that I’d inflict on my worst enemy. I feel empty. Devoid of any real emotion. Except sadness.

Is this really the sort of stuff a 19 year old should be thinking and going through? I honestly don’t know anymore. No one seems to take anything seriously. ‘It’s just a phase’ is something I’ve heard far too many times. ‘I know this because I’m older’.

If they knew anything about what I feel like, they’d know it won’t pass with time. It won’t go away because it’s been there for so long. Sometimes I get happy and passionate about something, but the majority of my time is spent wondering what the point is.

I already regret so much of my life. My high-school career, while grades were impeccable, everything else was so worthless. I have no friends. I have no one I can go to. I have no one. And it’s all just becoming a bit too much to cope with now. I’ve put on a ‘brave’ front for so long I don’t know how much longer I can go until I break down. No one shows any support. No one cares about me. No one takes the time to check in. And that’s how I know I’m really alone.

I guess I’m gonna stop clogging up your inbox now. I’m sorry. Sorry for sending you this email. It’s a burden, and I’d appreciate it if you just deleted it and got on with more important things than me. Honestly, I’ve realised how insignificant I am on this planet so I won’t take it personally. No one cares. Thanks for letting me vent though - my bed covers are wet with tears, but everything really is starting to make sense now.

I. Don’t. Matter.

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sweetsuccesssociety · 8 years

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The Work Life Balance Myth

There is a lot of talk all over the place about something called “work-life balance”. There’s a lot of reading material on the subject, but honestly, it’s a little confusing. The traditional model of work/life that always kind of bugged me is this:

Find out what you’re good at

Choose a career where you can use those skills

Work hard, climb the ladder, make money

Use that money to do things you actually enjoy

Try to carve out time outside of work for the “important things”

UGH oh my gosh you guys this just KILLS me. It’s not that there is anything inherently wrong with any once piece of that. I do think you should use your skills, and I think being dedicated and working hard is important in a lot of ways (although I really don’t think hard work is the key to success, tbh, but we’ll save that for another day). It’s the huge separation between work and life that really bugs me. Should work and life really be that exclusive? Should it really be a struggle to balance work with your life?

Honestly, no. There’s no reason why your work shouldn’t be an integral and enjoyable part of your life, and visa versa. If you turn your passions, loves, and natural abilities into a career that involves doing what you love everyday, there usually isn’t as much to balance. Typically, when people follow their passions instead of following the money or the traditional career path, it feels pretty natural to look forward to working, to combine work and hobbies, and to include friends and family in your work. When work and life can start to become interconnected and mutually beneficial to each other, that’s when things really get good.

So how exactly is that feasible, though? I’m not going to lie – it definitely is a little bit of a balancing act at first, and it takes some trial and error to get it right. For me, I’ve found out that spending more time with my friends and husband away from my computer actually gives me more inspiration for articles, and I can usually produce a video or do an awesome interview when I travel to cover some of the expenses. I try to write when I’m feeling most creative and take care of marketing stuff first thing in the morning when I normally wouldn’t be doing anything else. I consider my work just another fun, exciting, and important part of my day to day life. Once I stopped looking at my work and life as separate, they started to just mush into one awesome thing that is just “life”, but life with getting to do work I love everyday. Sure, I still have to carve out specific time to manage some of the more difficult tasks like accounting and meetings, but overall the more I look at the balance as something easy and enjoyable the more it feels that way.

Obviously I know that I’m in a special situation since I work from home and make my own schedule, but that was an important thing I looked for when I chose my career – I knew it was highly important for me to have a lot of freedom and room to be creative. However, it is totally possible to get rid of the work/life balance idea in favor of integrating them both into a day to day life you really enjoy, in any career. Even if you work in a corporate office, if you’re doing somthing that you really love (or close to it) there is always a way to figure out how bits and pieces of your work life and regular life can start to complement each other and feel cohesive.

Sometimes, things just flat out can’t be balanced and you’ll need to swing further to one side. One of the most important things you can do to feel truly balanced is to cut yourself some slack when the scales are totally unbalanced. Over the past 10 days or so, I’ve barely posted a social message, I haven’t written any blog posts, and completely ignored my editorial calendar and email inbox. All I’ve been doing recently is “life” – spending time with my husband, going wine tasting with friends, seeing movies, enjoying rainy days. Even though I love what I do, sometimes I just need a mental break. On the flip side, there have been plenty of weeks where I have gone full speed ahead on a work project and didn’t see another human for like 5 days straight. That’s the balance though; it’s just about being okay with not being balanced a lot of the time, and letting work and life turn into things that go together like PB&J, not like two separate things.

How do you define work/life balance? I want to hear from you!

The post The Work Life Balance Myth appeared first on Sweet Success Society.

from The Work Life Balance Myth

#The Work Life Balance Myth

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joeflorge · 7 years

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help.

My future looks bleak. Boring. Dull. Whatever you want to call it. It looks terrible and not one that I’d inflict on my worst enemy. I feel empty. Devoid of any real emotion. Except sadness.

I. Don’t. Matter.

#help

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