#i always have so many feelings about fractured milla....

[lastthroes]

Dreamwidth crosspost, as a reply to lrb:

1.    How many fics have you worked on since January?

I spent a good part of the year not doing much, mostly due to how unpredictable my health became. There’s way more I worked on that what ended up actually finished and posted. However, counting some non-exchange but still Anonymous works, and if my math is mathing right… I got twenty whole works posted! 🥳

2.    What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? I made a conscious effort to focus on my descriptions. I feel that one of my strongest points is introspection, which often causes White Room Syndrome. Even if I might have not always been successful, I did force myself to actually remember there’s a world that exists outside of the characters too. It’s particularly noticeable in between a life that we expected and the way it’s always been and eigengrau which, besides the inclusion of interpersonal conflict, also count as worldbuilding exploration: F41DB AKA Victor’s original dimension, and then the world after the Julius Ending, respectively.

3.    What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.) Xillia 2, much like the past year, and I predict a lot more of it for the new year to come as well.

4.    How many fandoms did you write for this year?

Legendia, Rays, Asteria, Xillia 2, Zestiria, Berseria,… That makes up for seven different canons. A decent amount of variety, in my opinion. 5.    What ships captured your heart?

Looks like it was Julius/Ludger taking the crown of having the biggest number of works! 6.    What characters captured your heart?

Victor, the Kresnik brothers, the earth siblings… Even if we add some new characters into the bunch, we stay mostly consistent. 7.    Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

I sure did! Finally wrote for Rays like I had been meaning to since I came back to it after Crestoria’s EoS.

As for ships, in one hand, I got to write (and start the tags for) Rays!Victor and Asteria!Elle in from a missed connection, and then Asteria!Victor/Asteria!Elle in a rock upon which i stand. In the other hand, from here on in made me write Prime!Julius/Victor, then Julius/Ludger/Victor in living mirage, which also started its own tag.

I also got to write Legendia with Chloe/Shirley in a place to call home. This one is not really a new ship for me, but it is one I didn’t really had the chance to create anything for before. It’s also the ship that finally broke my shipcest streak. It wasn’t on purpose, but wow: I really wrote nothing but gen fic and incest for two years straight...

Finally, I also dipped my toes into Velvet/Eizen by writing them in an implied canon divergence with illiagne red. 8.    What fic meant the most to you to write?

That’s probably if i could start again, a million miles away.

A particular pet-peeve I have is the use of MCD for nothing else but shameless shock value, with cases like Fractured Milla and Dezel being the worst contenders: they get not only forgotten, but also effectively replaced by Prime Milla and Zaveid respectively. I wrote that fic as a response to how much the canon shrugs Ludger’s pain under the carpet, particularly in the context of the normal/neutral ending. The weight of the Trial and having to destroy all the dimensions, letting go of Milla’s hand knowing it’ll kill her and then, as the cherry on top, having to watch the two people he loved most killing themselves to save his life? Ignoring all this simply isn’t realistic.

… However, it’s also not the first fic that I ended up throwing into an unrevealed collection shortly after publication due to feeling disastisfied. It doesn’t help that it’s the kind of fic I’m reluctant to have anyone beta through it, less because of the length and more because of the content warnings.

So, for this question, I think I will cheat a little and choose "To show you a smile", a ship manifesto for Edna/Eizen. It’s a ship that’s very close to my heart. 9.    What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? Everything does, kind of? If I didn’t enjoy myself, why would I write it? I know it’s kind of a cliche answer, but that really is how I feel. 10.    What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? Probably anything involving Rays, considering all the canon checking that it involves, which means from a missed connection, enemy lines, and perfect world in the cradle. And man, is Rays a complicated canon to be reviewing for… It comes with the territory of being a seven-years long game, but still. 11.    What fic was the most difficult to write? I’m going to go with the former answer again. They were both difficult and satisfying. 12.    What fic was the easiest to write? Not counting the ficlets, then the ship manifesto I mentioned earlier, "To show you a smile": I sat down and wrote ~4k of it in one go. It had been bouncing in my brain for so many years that it just flowed without issues once I finally told myself to do it.

13.    What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year? Shortest: unsaid, at 404 words. Sometimes a ficlet format is best for some stories, because what’s most important is what isn’t said out loud, much like the title implies.

Longest: if i could start again, a million miles away again, at ~20k words. But considering the aforementioned circumstances, looks like it’s eigengrau which gets the honors instead with ~11k words. 14.    What were your go-to writing songs?

This one’s easy if you recognize some titles, because they are parts of songs more often than not.

15.    What was the hardest fic to title? I usually let the fic simmer for enough time that I can come up with a decent title, but that wasn’t the case for a rock upon which i stand, just like it also wasn’t for illiagne red, because both of them were late treats. They went through several different title changes and I still don’t like what I settled with, they feel basic and boring... But well, what can you do. 16.    What's your favorite title of the year?

eigengrau, a German word for intrinsic gray, the not-truly-pitch-black that you see when you close your eyes. It ended up fitting the fic really well, considering the tone and the state of the world with Bisley’s full control. Or, as the fic itself puts it:

"No matter how twisted and submerged in darkness this world may be, it was the only one Julius knew that let them stay together. This was the world he had wanted, and not the perfect world he’d decided to push Ludger to create. This was the life they had chosen—both of them."

17.    Share your favorite opening line

"Regardless of how much he regretted it, the scorpion had still killed the frog in those stories Claudia always read to him.

Maybe it was just how things were meant to be. Maybe their differences were irreconcilable."

(From: binding blood.)

This intro is meant to foreshadow the ending. And, though this is a different tale (a fable that is probably popular enough to be recognizable, the scorpion that wanted to cross the river and then drowned from killing the frog because he couldn’t help it), I still vaguely wanted to connect it to Night on the Galactic Railroad, a popular japanese novel—I love thinking of Julius as the scorpion of fire mentioned in it. I have done a few references to NotGR in different Xillia 2 fics, and I cannot stress enough my disappointment at canon completely wasting the opportunity of referencing it, especially with the theme of sacrifice at the end and the train visuals from the first chapters. Besides, you already have a NPC in Drellin referencing real japanese literature with "Two-thousand Years of Solitude", or 『二千年の孤独』. 18.    Share your favorite ending line I am torn between two of them. First, from binding blood:

"Julius laughed feverishly, his whole body weight falling on Ludger’s open chest as he cradled his heart against him.

“I knew it…! I knew it… I knew you had a kind heart…”

The world faded into bright red."This unfortunately does not work well in English, but in Japanese 温かい can be read as warm (and blood is warm) and also kind—and Ludger’s kindness is the last thing Stribog!Julius remarks before he dies: “I know you have… a kind heart… And that’s why--I told you to stay away!”.

The second one comes from perfect world in the cradle:

"But Julius had been wrong. This dream wasn’t ending. This was not the end of their story. This was reality now: this blue and bright sky filled with hope was his—their—actual world now, and Julius’ heart swelled with possibilities.

Closed off from everything else, there was a chance that Tir Na Nog would someday fall into yet another crisis, but Julius realized he was at peace with that: he would face whatever new crisis that came head-on. Both of them would, always together." Just like the fic points out, Julius references quite a few times in Rays that everything is so good it just feels like a dream. This is also connected to Rays showing a close version of the perfect world he creates after completing his transformation into a divergence catalyst, one in which he can actually live happily with Ludger.

19.    Share your favorite piece of dialogue

"“Elle was meant to bring you to me. I would take your place and get to Canaan to restart my life as a true denizen of the prime dimension.”

Reincarnation would turn them into different people but, in a way, they would still be ‘Elle’ and ‘Ludger’. Left with no better choices, Victor had come to peace with such an end to their story: it was miles better than vanishing away.

“But Elle...”

“Yes, she didn’t know,” Victor confirmed before smirking. “You are in the house of the unrepentant man who dreamed of killing you for years, Ludger Will Kresnik of the prime dimension.”"

This is from enemy lines. I still cannot believe how Rays closed without ever addressing everything that Victor did (and everything else that he was planning to do) in the canon. Talk about a wasted opportunity. 20.    Share your funniest line

From perfect world in the cradle again: "“Rollo, my boy, come here. Let’s get you down, safe and round.”"

I wrote this one for an exchange, and both the beta and the recipient liked it, so it must be a good line! 21.    What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story? eigengrau went through a lot, and I really mean a lot, of changes. I had no idea back when I started it that it would eventually mutate into a whole AU—Most of what remained was the core concept of them running away and camping, of the news causing conflict between them, and of Julius worrying about Ludger while submerged in the night’s dark. Initially, the title as a reference didn’t work because I had forgotten about Canaan being in the sky permanently after you summon it (and until you complete the Trial), which means no sun and moons and perpetual purple-ish light, which also rendered the theme/concept I was using and I had titled the fic after unusable. Later, as I tried to fix it, I also realized that it was a total downer of a fic, which I couldn’t know if the recipient would like. As I envisioned how to fix that as well, I added the scene of them living happily in a random fractured dimension... And one thing led to another, and that is how I somehow wrote 11k for an exchange. But I also had a lot of time, so maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t be given that much time to write? Hah.

22.    What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand? Well, I still use the 2007 version of Word… Device-wise, my now dead phone (I’d be lying if I said the life without a phone isn’t also kind of more relaxed), notebook margins,... just whatever I had close whenever inspiration struck.

("Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime 🎵 That's why I write incest on company time 🎵") 23.    If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? Some point of time as I worked in eigengrau and perfect world in the cradle, because I realized my writing was actually improving. If you compare any of them to some burdens are so in more ways than one, which was the first time I wrote in English in years, the difference is noticeable. 24.    Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? Ehhh, no, I don’t really do anything like that. 25.    How did you recharge between fics? This question assumes that I don’t post something and then open a different document next. 26.    Did you create fanworks other than fic? Besides the Edna/Eizen ship meta mentioned earlier, I did some art. Not much as I’d have liked to due to the circumstances: writing you can do it anywhere, but drawing? You have to be in front of your computer, with your drawing tablet, with no interruptions, with no painful and distracting illnesses… So just stay at hotel fenntasia, a place to call home which is an art to accompany the fic of the same name (and the first time in almost a whole year that I drew something), and avant-garde cooking. 27.    How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!) Year of the OTP Prompt Event 2023, the Stuffed With Love multifandom incest exchange, Cestember 2024 (as well as the Microcest weekly event), the Tales of Secret Santa 2023 and 2024, and Yuletide—in which I also snuck a small treat for the Madness collection.

I also filled an old prompt for Tales of Spicy Cocktail 2022, as well as another one for the Tales of Prompts NSFW collection that was a crosspost. I imagine familyromantic’s shipcest contest on Tumblr counts as well. I really like participating in fandom events. Having a deadline forces me to actually get things done. 28.    If this were an awards show, who would you thank? Hah. I guess my friends who put up with my random ramblings as I try to figure out a plot, and of course everyone who’s left me a comment or a kudos. It’s very appreciated, especially when I seem to get nicher and nicher. 29.    What's left on your to-do list for 2024? I would say that the rest of my YOTP 2023 entries. I will try to finish them through 2025, even if the collection is closed and I can no longer submit.

I also would like to get properly back into drawing... There is a certain art trade that I have left hanging for so long that it’s a bit embarrassing. It was mainly caused by my deteriorating health, and later I got hit by the overwhelming "after such a long wait, I need to turn it into the absolute best drawing I have ever made" perfectionism, but still.

30.    What would you like to write next year? Some of the Eizen/Edna (maybe more like Edna/Eizen) ideas that keep bouncing inside my head. It’s my OTP among the OTPs for a good reason. The main thing that always stops me is that they literally never interact onscreen in canon (with crossover mobile games often coming up with wildly different interpretations—just look at how they speak to each other in Crestoria and then look at Asteria, for example). They also come from two different videogames that heavily contradict each other, which means I have to do a lot of reviewing and pick-and-choose. Xillia 2 has a very similar problem, but it’s also much easier to compartmentalize what doesn’t fit with the original game in terms of characters and worldbuilding. I also hope to get some claimed prompts done once Spicy Cocktail returns.

[lynnetendo]

                                (I don’t have a purpose in this world.) > Don’t worry, you don’t                                                 > That’s not true.             need one. man i love the feeling of death and dying! Inktober #2, a comic about the most depressing character in videogame history. You can say what you want about Fractured Milla, but I hope there’s a universe out there where she gets all the good things she deserved. She just makes my heart hurt every time I think about her. I like to think though that Ludger cared a lot about Fractured Milla and never forgot about her, even if the others did. And that Milla warmed up to him the most out of everyone, really being thankful for him having an unbiased attitude towards her. I’ve never seen someone do a comic for Inktober as far as I remember, so I wasn’t sure if I should really do one. In the end, my workflow was a lot better than I expected. I hope I can do a more lighthearted one soon.

[scarletlotus182]

eirika, mila (whichever), wa2000 but you can't otp her with the commander

hoo boy this’ll be a long one~ 

Eirika-

Favorite Thing About Them: I really fucking love Eirika’s whole arc, I love that she’s this really kind-hearted and charismatic princess who’s the textbook definition of femininity, but also when she realizes the lives of her friends, family, and all the citizens of Renais, are on the line, she absolutely pushes back and suddenly she’s this fierce and unstoppable warrior princess and it’s fucking amazing. My girl Eirika looked Glenn, one of the mightiest warriors of Grado, in the eye and basically said, “look man, I don’t want to fight you, but if you leave us no choice I’ll send you crying back to your emperor”.

Least Favorite Thing About Them: Fandom interpretation of her and basically how IntSys actively tries to erase her role as a protagonist of the game.

Favorite Line: 

“I… We, the people of Renais, have long honored our allegiance with the Grado Empire. And you invaded without warning. You ravaged our land. You killed my father… Even then, I told myself, I must not hate Grado or her people. If I gave in to my hate, the bond between our lands would be lost forever. I refused to hate. Instead, I lived for the day our nations would know peace again. But… If this is Grado’s true face… If you could extinguish Renais without pity, without remorse… If this is the case, then there is no room in my heart for forgiveness.”

brOTP: Eirika&Tana! I never really liked them as a romantic pairing but I do love the friendship they have and how much they care about each other. I also 100% believe they would wingman for each other while looking for GFs

OTP: Self and crack shipping aside, I got two- Eirika x L’arachel is basically canon and also like, the best dynamic Eirika has in SS. Their A support is basically a marriage proposal and then there’s the scene in Rausten where in Eirika’s at her lowest point in the story and it’s L’arachel who’s there to pick her up. They’re really sweet, and really gay. 

The other pairing would be Eirika and Lyon. They have an adorable dynamic and idc what anyone says, Eirika definitely returned his feelings, Lyon just never had the self-esteem to spit it out. I definitely live for fics/content of them where Lyon can assert himself a bit.

nOTP: Literally everyone of her male supports. They range from gross to sexist to really boring. The only guy on that list that’s good is Forde and that support is like, entirely platonic imo. 

Random Headcanon: Eirika definitely gives off like, Alpha WLW vibes and has girls swooning over her across MagVel and none of it is intentional on her part/she doesn’t realize it’s happening. 

Unpopular Opinion: She is absolutely a better written and more interesting protagonist than Ephraim. 

Song I associate with them: Aside from a track within her own game, I don’t think I ever really had an ‘Eirika’ song? If I dig through what I’ve been listening to lately though I could sorta slap this one on her 

Favorite Picture of them:

Fractured Milla (’cause she needs more love)-

Favorite Thing About Them: I liked her difference in personality compared to regular Milla, I liked how she was a lot more outspoken aggressive. Xillia 2 definitely felt like it picked up a lot more once she joined the party. 

Least Favorite Thing About Them: I was really disappointed with how early she left the party and the fact that she didn’t have any mystic artes : /

Really she just felt very underutilized 

Favorite Line: ”I knew I wouldn’t like you”

brOTP: F.Milla&Elle! Their relationship is so good and wholesome in ToX2 and oH MY GOD IT BREAKS MY HEART SO MUCH, PLEASE PLAY XILLIA 2

OTP: F.Milla/Ludger- I mean, they were kinda written for each other, but still, the moments they share are really good, Milla wants to trust and like him but can’t let go of her grudge but they’re still brought together by wanting to protect Elle at all costs.

nOTP: F.Milla/Jude- Jude’s got his own Milla, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter lol

Random Headcanon: She absolutely hates the outfits Prime Milla wears and doesn’t care how many times she’s told Elle and Ludger that day about it

Unpopular Opinion: Idk if I really have any on this character, but I think she was the more interesting Milla tbh

I super don’t have a song or favorite pic but here’s more official art:

WA2000-

Favorite thing about them: her smile Her designs are always really fucking cool and absolutely gorgeous. And then personality wise I love that she’s just like- if Asuka Langley Soryu/Rin Tohsaka was a YorHa android

Least Favorite thing about them: I was gonna make a joke about how there’s nothing I could say here but then I thought about it and realized the reason there’s not much I can say is because she hasn’t been featured in a whole lot of story, but that’s more a weakness of GFL than her character. For as well written as the characters and the story are here, no dolls really get enough focus outside of AntiRain/404/DEFY

Favorite Line: ”I, of all people, am giving you my gratitude. So you better accept it from the bottom of your heart. “

brOTP: WA2000&Springfield- I feel like Springfield is just trying to be a good wingman for Wa2k and it’s really cute and nice

OTP: Since I’m banned from self-shipping here, I’ll go with the equally self-satisfying answer and say Wa2k/M16 where M16 comes in and sweeps her off her feet and Wa2k can’t handle it in the slightest. 

I also feel like there’s a decent case for Wa2k/Jill, where Wa2k saved Jill and when Jill tries to give thanks, Wa2k gets really flustered and tries to play it off like it was no big deal

nOTP: I don’t think I have one? I haven’t really seen a bad Wa2k ship

Random Headcanon: Wa2k is the subbiest sub/biggest gay disaster to ever be created in an IOP lab. When asked why anyone would make a helplessly gay combat android, Persica simply laughed before promptly removing the press from her office.

Unpopular Opinion: Apparently this is unpopular in some circles but I really do think that Wa2k is the beginner friendly SSR in the game and can work well in literally any team comp. 

Song I associate with them: Hhhhhhhh

I also feel like she’d be into Halsey

Favorite picture of them: 

[yume-x-hanabi]

Fractured Lives, ch.2

four years overdue

Title: Fractured Lives Characters: Gaius, The Chimeriad, others Pairings: Gaius/Wingul Chapters: 2/? Summary: It won’t be like last time, Elle thought, looking at the king’s friends. They were already dead in the prime dimension, so why couldn’t she give them a second chance? 

aka my “let’s save the Chimeriad” (well, at least one set of them) fix-fic, which until now I’d been unable to update because LIFE and MOTIVATION and, well, if you’ve followed me for long enough to even know this thing exists, you probably know why it took so long. Anyway, I haven’t forgotten about it, and am finally in a good place to start working on it again. idk if people are even interested anymore, i mean it’s been so long But anyway, here’s chapter two! I’d recommend viewing on external sites because Tumblr formatting is bad :p

→ AO3 (French here) → FFnet (French here)

Just like every afternoon at this time of the day, Triglav’s central station was crowded. Gaius was sitting on a bench, observing the comings-and-goings while eating a delicious chocolate croissant he had bought at one of the station’s food stalls. Now was the time school ended on the fifth day of the week—Elympions called it “sylphday,” he recalled—and the main hall was packed with students hurrying toward the platforms or taking the elevator down to the subway station. They were all impatient to go back home for a two-day break that Elympions called “week-end.” Students in Rieze Maxia also had a two-day break, which covered the first and last days of the week—in other words, the period of time when spirits’ influence changed. It was apparently Dr Howe who had proposed this tradition in his treatise on spirit artes education. According to Presa, the aim was to cut down on channeling at a time where spirits were weaker, to reduce the risk of accidents. Gaius had not immediately understood why, as he had never had any trouble channeling, whatever the day, but Wingul—who had listened to their conversation from a corner of the library—had explained that it was because he was always emitting too much mana, but that normal people, on the other hand, could feel the difference if they paid attention. At the time, he had thought that Wingul was simply making fun of him, but a recent remark from Musee seemed to indicate that he had been right after all. Unlike his two subordinates, Gaius had never really cared about the theory of spirit artes and had always trusted his instincts when he was casting spells. His artes may not have been as refined as Presa’s or precise as Wingul’s, but he had never had anything to complain about.

Gaius finished eating his snack with a smile. He often thought about his old companions. At first, remembering them had been painful. His castle seemed empty without them. His room, in particular, where he had enjoyed so many intimate moments with Wingul, now felt cold and lifeless. He had not slept well there ever since he came back from the Temporal Crossroads. But life was going on, and, with time, he was now able to think about them with a smile. He missed them all terribly, but these memories were now something he cherished.

He was pulled back from his thoughts by the ringing of his GHS. He took the device out of his pocket and opened it. The screen was showing a notification for a new message from Leia. Careful not to press on the wrong button, he opened the text message, and immediately frowned upon seeing its contents.

cya @ Luds apt asap !!!!!1!1 =O =O =O 

At first, he thought that his GHS was broken, but then he recalled all the times Alvin had complained about Leia’s “text speak.” She must have sent him a coded message. If Wingul had been there, he would have most likely enjoyed trying to decipher it. Unfortunately, he was gone, and Gaius had no idea where to start. He considered calling her to ask her what she meant, but he realized that he had never called anyone by himself—Rowen was always dialing the number for him. His frustration must have been obvious, because the young Elympion who was sitting next to him while waiting for her train asked him if everything was all right.

“It’s just that thing…” he said, pointing to his GHS helplessly. “An acquaintance of mine sent me a message, but I cannot read it.”

“Let me guess… text speak, isn’t it?” she asked with a compassionate look. “Maybe I can help,” she proposed. Gaius felt she was kind of laughing at him, but he nevertheless showed her his GHS. After all, what mattered was understanding Leia’s message. Perhaps a girl her age was better suited to deciphering it.

“Oh, that’s not hard,” she told him, “It says ‘see you at Lud’s apartment as soon as possible.’ I guess Lud is someone’s name? It looks important, given the smileys…”

Lud… That was probably Ludger. And if it was important, it was probably about fractured dimensions. He hoped that nothing bad had happened. He got up and fished out a few candies from his pocket and offered them to the girl as a thanks, then walked out the station. Ludger’s apartment was fortunately not far from there, a mere 30-minute walk. On the way, he got a text from Rowen, repeating Leia’s message in correct spelling. He must have realized that letting Leia handle GHS communication was not the best idea if he wanted the message to be understood.

When he knocked on Ludger’s door, it was Leia who opened. But instead of letting him in, she went out and closed the door behind her.

“Hi Gaius. I mean, Erston. I mean…”

“Leia,” he nodded in greeting.

She looked worried and as though she did not know what to say. She was leaning on the door, her hands behind her back.

“You and Rowen texted me about an emergency. What happened?”

“Ah, well, actually… I think I should explain before you come in and…” She gestured toward the door and shrugged, an uncertain smile on her face. She took a deep breath and started talking. “So here’s what happened: Ludger and the others went to a fractured dimension. There, everything started like usual, looking for the catalyst and so on. But then, at the end, it was the same as with Milla. I mean, the other Milla, not our Milla. Do you follow me? Elle brought someone back again, except this time, it was… well…”

She did not finish her sentence and looked at him hesitantly, as if she was not sure whether she should go on. That was enough for him to understand. His heart racing, he pushed her aside and opened the apartment’s door. When he entered the room, all conversations died down.

He had gotten used to seeing them again in fractured dimensions. However, he knew that these moments were fleeting, and that they would not survive the destruction of their world. But now they were here, in Ludger’s apartment, in the prime dimension… He did not know what to think. The situation seemed so unlikely that he was expecting the world to shatter at any moment and to be pulled back to reality. But this was reality. He was not in a fractured dimension. They were there, alive, in his world. In a world that would not disappear.

Presa was lying on Ludger’s sofa, her leg bandaged. Agria was sitting on the armrest next to her, holding to her shoulder. Jiao was sitting on the carpet below them. And Wingul… Where was Wingul? Gaius looked around the room, but his right hand was nowhere to be seen. Had he not come with them?

Before he could ponder about it, Agria broke the silence.

“No way.” She started shaking Presa’s shoulder and continued in a small voice. “Presa, I think I’m dreaming. I’m seeing His Highness right there, in front of us.”

They were all looking at him with wide eyes, as though they could not believe it was him standing here before them. In truth, he probably had the same expression on his face. To his left, in the kitchen, Rowen, Ludger, Elise and Elle were looking at them awkwardly.

He wanted to speak. Say something. Call their names. Make sure they were real. Maybe laugh and cry too, but it would be unbecoming for a king to cry in public. But no word came out.

Eventually, it was Leia broke the weird mood. “I’m hungry!” she announced loudly. Everyone turned to look at her, and she reddened a bit under their gazes, but did not sway. “I’m hungry,” she repeated, giving her friends a meaningful look.

Rowen understood and sprang to action. “Oh my, it’s almost dinner time! But there are too many of us, and I doubt poor Ludger has enough ingredients in his fridge to feed us all. Come with us, Ludger, let’s go grocery shopping. I will help you cook us a little something, like one of those soups you excel at.”

“Ah, well…”

“Are you coming with us?” Leia asked the other girls.

“Oh course!” Elise answered a little too cheerfully. “Come, Elle. Let’s go shopping!”

Rowen turned to Gaius. “Please stay here and take care of our guests while we are gone. We probably won’t be back for a while,” he added with a wink.

Elle stopped before him for a moment and looked like she wanted to tell him something, but Ludger grabbed her hand and they went outside, the others following closely. When the door closed and the room was silent again, Gaius got a chair and sat down in front of them.

“So you’re from a fractured dimension…”

“Yes,” Jiao answered, “Well, at least, that’s what we were told. I must admit I don’t understand much about that dimension stuff.”

“They explained everything, but it’s a little hard to accept,” Presa told him. “We’ve lost all our marks.”

“Everything is different,” Jiao added.

“Which is proof that we are in another dimension. But I think we will need some time to adapt.”

“I understand. I imagine it must not be easy for you to be thrust into such a situation.”

Agria, who until then had stayed silent, suddenly spoke. “Is it true? Is it really you? You’re not a dream or an illusion from the bi—I mean, from Musee?”

Gaius smiled. She looked a bit shaken, but she was without a doubt the Agria he knew.

“It is really me. From the way you are addressing me, I suppose I was also your king in your dimension?” They nodded in response. “Good. This will make things easier.”

A tense silence fell over the room once more. He had so many questions for them, about the circumstances of their arrival, about their dimension, about the reason they were still alive… And they must have had many questions for him as well. After all, being taken from one’s world must not have been a fun experience. Should he tell them that they would not risk running into this world’s versions of themselves? How would they feel if they learned that they were dead in the prime dimension? Should he wait for them to ask? He did not dare speak, for fear of losing control of his own emotions. And they probably did not know what to say either. However, there was still one question he could not help to ask.

“Is it just you three, or…” He did not dare finish his sentence.

“Wingul is with us,” Presa replied at once. “He… There was a fight before we came, and he… He’s there, in the other room. That Ludger guy lent him his room. He’s just resting.”

Without a word, Gaius got up and crossed the room in a few strides. He hesitated one second before he opened the door, then entered Ludger’s room slowly, trying to calm down his pounding heart. He immediately recognized the blond strand in the mass of black hair, sticking out from under the covers. He felt joy fill his heart at this sight. The man laying on Ludger’s bed was definitely Wingul.

He silently walked to the bed and knelt down. Wingul’s face was gaunt. He was terribly skinny and so, so pale. With a shudder, Gaius recalled the year that had followed the implantation of his booster. “What happened to you?” he whispered, brushing a strand aside from his face.

Jiao, who had followed him, was the one to answer. “He had a rough year. Erm… You know, his booster. And then… Well, anyway, he’s seen better days.”

Gaius frowned. “Does he still use it?”

“Yes, sometimes. We try to limit it, but you know him, he never listens.”

That was bad news. The Wingul of the prime dimension had died because of his booster. If this Wingul kept pushing himself too far, he might end up meeting the same fate.

No, Gaius decided. Not twice. Not here.

The possibility broke his heart. It had been difficult for him to overcome the death of his partner, even if he had been expecting it in a way. And though tragic, destroying other Winguls in a fractured dimension was one thing. But watching one die here in his world was another, and he swore to do everything he could to prevent it. Even if this was not his Wingul, he was still precious to him, and he swore to protect him, whatever may lie in their future. Him, and the others too.

He would have to find a solution, but now was not the time. This Wingul needed rest. Besides, he admitted to himself, he did not really want to have to explain how fractured dimensions worked. It would be better to let the others do it. He went back to the living room, and Jiao followed him. Presa and Agria were looking at them with a questioning look.

“What happened to your leg?” he asked Presa to change the topic.

“Oh, that?” she said, pointing to her bandages. “It’s broken. I fell…”

“Yeah, right!” Agria exclaimed. Seeing Gaius’ curious look, she went on, “She flew through the air during the last battle.”

“You too, actually,” Presa retorted, irritated.

“Yeah. But I got back up no problem, unlike you.”

“I just hit the ground at a bad angle, that’s all. It’s not serious,” she told Gaius. “Leia’s a nurse—ex-nurse, apparently, Agria interjected—and she looked at it. She and Elise healed it with spirit artes. They said that Jude Mathis will come and have a look tomorrow to check if everything healed correctly, but it should be fine. I just need to rest a bit, that’s all.”

“I see.”

Gaius sat back down on his chair and decided to start addressing the main issue.

“I imagine that you would like to know how different this world is from yours, and I would like to learn more about it myself. Let us start with the bases: I am king in both worlds, and you are my Chimeriad. Is it correct?”

They nodded.

“Good. Let’s see how similar our circumstances are. Could you summarize what you know about how I rose to the throne of Ajur and how you came to work for me?”

One after the other, they recounted events from their pasts and told him what they knew of Wingul’s. As he thought, their stories were identical to his own experiences. They must have come from a dimension that had followed the prime closely for many years. He would have to ask Ludger more details about its coordinates and the catalyst they had fought. The divergence most likely lied in recent events, after their meeting with Milla and Jude, as they seemed to know them. History must have started changing during the battle of Fezebel, he thought while looking at Jiao. The big man had been the first of the Chimeriad to sacrifice himself, and his presence here today was proof of the difference between their dimensions.

“What happened during the battle of Fezebel?”

“Well, like we just said, a tsunami totally swept over the battlefield.”

“I think he means the most recent one, Agria,” Presa corrected, “the one against Nachtigal. Is that right, Your Highness?”

“Yes. In this world, we fought against Rashugal’s army and took control of the Lance of Kresnik, which Milla Maxwell wanted to destroy. Is it the same for you?”

“It is so far, but after the fight against Maxwell, strange things started happening.”

“Was the Lance activated?”

“It pierced a hole in the sky!”

“Then Elympion soldiers invaded and attacked our troops,” Gaius concluded. It was what had happened next that he was curious about.

“I can’t believe it. It really feels like we are talking to our Gaius. All our memories are the same,” Jiao said with emotion in his voice. Gaius did not comment on that, as he knew what he would eventually have to reveal to them.

“How did you overcome their assault?”

“You know Ivar, Maxwell’s handmaid or whatever? That moron created a diversion to allow her to flee, and we took the chance to get away too. Foolish bastard. But at least he was useful.”

“Agria, show a little more respect. He gave his life to save us.”

“Ivar sacrificed himself?”

That was unexpected. So it was Ivar who had saved them that day, instead of Jiao. That was a big difference, but it seemed that history had not really changed its course immediately afterward.

“We met with Maxwell in the Xailen Woods Temple… Ah, did Elympions take control of Khan Baliq here too?” Jiao asked.

“Yes. We cooperated with Maxwell’s group to take it back, then launched an attack against the enemy HQ.”

With Ivar, without you, he did not add.

“Then we fell into a trap.”

“And Maxwell sacrificed herself as well. Was it the same for you, Your Highness?”

“It was. We landed, and then had to face Musee’s attacks. She wanted to keep the schism’s existence a secret, even if that meant killing anyone who knew about it.”

“Wait a minute,” Presa interrupted. “Musee attacked you here too? I thought…”

They all looked surprised. And yet, both stories had seemed to match.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Rowen and Elise seemed to consider her an ally, so I thought she was on your side in this dimension.”

“She is on my side. She eventually joined us. Is it different in your dimension?”

“Yes, completely.”

They were looking at each other meaningfully, but none of them seemed ready to talk.

Musee… Her behavior was always hard to predict, which was probably why she was often a catalyst. If she had not joined him and shared her power with him in their world, what differences could this have caused? Had he not been able to go to Elympios? What about his conflict with Maxwell? Was the schism still intact? Had Milla reincarnated anyway? His head was filled with many questions, but he could not get any answer now, for the apartment door opened and interrupted their discussion.

“We’re back!”

The group entered the room carrying many grocery bags. The kitchen soon turned into a battlefield, with young troops that Rowen was directing brilliantly, delegating the various tasks needed to make tomato soup for eight people (plus a special eggplant one for Elle). Agria and Jiao joined the fight as well, but Leia forbade Presa from moving from the sofa. Elle entrusted her with the guard of Lulu to make her feel useful and prevent the cat from stealing any food. Gaius chose to peel potatoes with Ludger, jumping on the occasion to ask him about the fractured dimension. Ludger confirmed his suspicions and explained what had happened.

“Where is Musee now?” he asked when Ludger finished recounting the events that had led them here.

“She’s resting at Leia’s place,” Rowen answered him. “Since the Chimeriad are currently viewing her as an enemy, she’d better stay on the low for a while.”

The image of Musee lying low was rather amusing, but Rowen was right, she should avoid showing herself for now.

Agria cried in surprise when Ludger turned on the stove. This was obviously the first time they’d seen a household spyrix. There would be many things to explain… They had been ripped from their world and were now lost in a country they knew next to nothing about. At least, they were not alone, and Gaius was sure that Rowen and the others would do everything they could to help them get used to their new circumstances. They would also have to think about what to do once they were more familiar with the place. But those questions were a little premature. The priority right now was to help them feel at ease. Starting with a good meal.

“Enjoy your meal!”

“Mmh, that smells good.”

“Not as good as my daddy’s soup!”

“Really?”

“But it’s still good! You’re number two, Ludger!”

“Do you like it, Agria?” Leia asked, trying to include their guests in the conversation.

“Why are you talking to me? Last time I checked, we weren’t so chummy with each other.”

“You’re as charming as ever, I see.”

“Are you looking for a fight?” Agria cried, rising up on her seat.

“Agria!” Presa immediately reacted. “Table manners!”

Agria turned to her, a mean retort ready to leave her lips, but her eyes fell on Gaius and she froze. Blushing, she sat down and apologized in a small voice, which surprised Leia, who had never seen her act so meek before. Gaius felt his heart ache. How many times had he witnessed such a scene before, when his Chimeriad were still alive? He thought of the other Milla, who had been so different from Milla Maxwell. These Agria, Presa and Jiao, however, were identical to those he had known. It almost felt as if they were never gone.

“…us? Gaius!”

Hearing his name brought him back from his thoughts. Rowen was looking at him with a slightly worried look.

“I’m sorry, I was lost in thoughts. What did you say?”

“We were wondering where the Chimeriad could stay. Our dear Ludger doesn’t mind lending them his apartment tonight, but we should probably look for another long-term solution.”

“Indeed, we should not abuse his kindness.”

“Don’t worry about us,” Presa spoke, “we’ll find a place to stay on our own. We’ll leave as soon as Wingul wakes up.”

“With what gald?” Jiao asked her. “We lost all our belongings with our world. Besides, we don’t know anything about Elympios.”

“We should go back to Ajur as soon as possible…”

“No!” Gaius interrupted, startling them. He continued more calmly: “It would be better to stay in Elympios for now.”

What would the citizens of Khan Baliq say if they saw them stroll through the city as if nothing happened? He would have to think of a way to tell the news to the population. The list of things to do was getting longer and longer. This situation was sure to give him a lot of extra work.

“Don’t worry about that,” he added. “Taking care of you is my responsibility.”

“Your Highness…”

“We don’t want to impose…”

“It’s my job,” he insisted. “I will find us an apartment nearby.”

“Us?” Rowen pointed out, his eyes twinkling. The old man had tried to convince him to acquire a permanent home in Triglav for months. He personally did not see the need, as the city and surrounding areas were full of cheap motels—they were admittedly a bit seedy, but much cheaper than having to pay rent. However, he could not impose such a life to the Chimeriad, especially since they were so disoriented. Besides, this would enable him to stay with them.

“I will start looking first thing tomorrow,” he added.

“Don’t forget your business brunch,” Rowen reminded him. “You are to meet representatives from the Skylark Exchange tomorrow morning. I will handle the apartment hunt.”

“All right. I am counting on you.” To be perfectly honest, he would have preferred to let Rowen handle the meeting instead, but he could not go back on his word. These kinds of business talks could have an impact on the relationship between the two countries.

After dinner, he went to see Wingul one more time before leaving. The man was still in a deep sleep and looked like it would be a while before he woke up. “Convalescence doesn’t suit you,” he whispered, touching his face lightly with his fingertips. “Get well, Wingul. I want to talk to you.”

He bade the others goodbye and promised he would be back as soon as he was done with his engagements. When he went out of the building, he noticed that Elle was out as well. She was sitting on one of the little park’s swings, looking down.

“Is there anything wrong, Elle?”

She looked up at the sound of his voice, and her eyes teared up. She quickly wiped her eyes and looked down again, avoiding his gaze.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured faintly.

“Why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong.”

“Ludger told me that what I did was ‘irresponsible’ and that I caused you lots of problems. He said I should have thought about what happened to Milla before I acted…” She let her tears fall freely this time. “But I thought it would be different than with Milla. I just wanted you to meet your friends again…”

So she had deliberately brought them back. It was not an accident like had been the case for the other Milla. That was something he had wondered. She must have gotten the idea when she witnessed his painful reunions with other Chimeriads from other fractured dimensions. He had always been careful not to show any emotion, but her childish eyes must have seen through the façade and noticed his distress. He crouched down before her and delicately wiped away her tears.

“Do not blame yourself, Elle,” he told her gently. “I know you only had good intentions.”

“You don’t hate me?” she sniffled.

“Of course not! On the contrary… I would like to thank you. It’s true that there will be some problems, but we can overcome them. It’s nothing compared to the chance to see them again.”

Elle’s face brightened immediately.

“Oh, good! I was afraid you’d be mad. You’re scary when you’re mad.”

He laughed softly. It was true that his strict look was intimidating to children—and even to most adults, in fact.

“I’ll never be mad at you. Not for this.”

“Pinky swear?” she asked, presenting her little finger.

“Pinky swear!” he agreed.

She giggled, happy with her new promise.

“I must go! Ludger is going to worry. Good night, mister king.”

“Good night, Elle.”

He went back to his hotel, his mind full of doubts and hope. Whatever happened, Elle’s choice would probably have unexpected consequences. But all that mattered to him now was to make sure that these Chimeriad could find a place in their new world, at his side.

As he expected, his business brunch was extremely boring. Skylarks’ salespeople were going on endlessly about their company’s successes, and all he had to do was nod and speak a few words of acknowledgement from time to time. He would have much rather gone apartment hunting with Rowen. He wondered what his councilor would find. Nothing too grand, he hoped. The old man sometimes had very fixed ideas on how a king should show his influence. He just wanted something neither too big nor too small, where he could help the Chimeriad get used to their new world. The businessmen were now congratulating themselves on their victory against a competitor. He felt his GHS vibrate in his pocket and had to resist the urge to take it out and check what it was about. Had Rowen found something? What district would they move to? He hoped it would not be too far from the station… though the port district might be good too. They would then have easy access to the ferries bound for Marksburg, from where they could quickly reach Rieze Maxia. Although, it would be best to avoid Rieze Maxia for the moment. He really needed to come up with a way to explain the Chimeriad’s return to the population.

To his relief, the meeting finally came to an end. The Skylark executives looked very satisfied and were already promising to organize another one. In his mind, he already made the decision to send Rowen to the next one in his place. When the last man left, he sat back down and took out his GHS, curious about the message he had received earlier. Surprisingly, it was not from Rowen, but from Elise. It only contained one single sentence, but that was enough to make his heart flutter.

Wingul woke up.

[kamitra]

Tales: Gender and stuff.

My weird thoughts. Trying to make this add up to a 10 in gender balance as a... thought experiment? How about I just say I’m playing around with this idea and my own impressions. Mostly ToZ and some others for contrast.

The reason for this is because I don’t /feel/ gender in the same way so I’m going to place it like how I feel these characters out.

Also, this has nothing to do with sexuality. I’m never going to comment on sexuality because I am fucking blind to that shit. You could tell me you’re heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual or what and I would never know the damned difference.

I also don’t think it has a whole lot to do with being trans or fluid but if it were easy to decide what kind of body you had with everyone accepting it like you colored your hair, it probably would.

Edit: talked some over with a friend. Editing a few, but not many.

ToZ: Sorey Masculinity: 3 Femininity: 1 Neither: 6

I feel out Sorey as not expressing much of a gender besides ‘boy’.

ToZ: Mikleo Masculinity: 4 Femininity: 3 Neither: 3

I feel Mikleo as having issues. Serious issues. Not just with his looks. The funny part being that I feel him as more masculine than Sorey.

ToZ: Lailah Masculinity: 2 Femininity: 4 Neither: 4

Definitely feminine. 4 or 5.

ToZ: Edna Masculinity: 2 Femininity: 3 Neither: 5

Definitely a lack. More interesting in contrast -- she reads off to me as a feminine version of Rita and equal to Alvin and Mikleo in femininity.

ToZ: Alisha Masculinity: 4 Femininity: 4 Neither: 2

Seems to be comfortable with both and without issue. By contrast, if she was forced to not express at all, I imagine she’d be upset.

ToZ: Rose Masculinity: 3 Femininity: 3 Neither: 4

Barely discernible difference, but I can’t see her having problems in expressing or lack of expressing anything. I have no idea where the 4 would go with her but Alisha has to have at least a point higher than her on the femininity scale.

ToZ: Dezel (His is hard to get an impression on. I’m going to make his the same as my impression of Ludger’s because they’re both hard to get a grip on with the lack of lines they have.) Masculinity: 4 Femininity: 3 Neither: 3

Same as Ludger. And Mikleo. Except I think Ludger doesn’t even wonder about it (unless he’s comparing himself to his brother) and Dezel will just tsundere it if brought up. Forever.

ToZ: Zaveid Masculinity: 4 Femininity: 1 Neither: 5

I feel like he’s trying to emphasize his masculinity more than he actually has it... even though he is quite masculine already.

ToX: Jude Masculinity: 2 Femininity: 2 Neither: 6

Jude is fairly extreme. He reads off as genderless to me. For contrast, I’ll point out how everyone on his damned team is more feminine than him besides Milla (and Gaius)... seriously he just gets crap in Japanese because his voice and looks are adorable. And his speech style.

ToX: Milla Masculinity: 6 Femininity: 1 Neither: 3

Again, extreme.

ToX2: Milla (Bunshi/Fractured) Masculinity: 3 Femininty: 5 Neither: 2

Basically the feminine version of Alvin here.

ToX: Alvin Masculinity: 5 Femininity: 3 Neither: 2

His was one of the easiest for me to feel. He has a strong feminine streak to me while still being very masculine.

ToX: Leia Masculinity: 3 Femininity: 3 Neither: 4

Perhaps her issues with Jude’s lack of masculinity is more telling of her own problems than anything else. Even still it’s odd given how both their parents are.

ToV: Yuri Masculinity: 5 Femininity: 1 Neither: 4

Hard to pin down if it’d be a 4 or 5. Either way I don’t think Yuri cares. He feels like on of the most comfortable with his own whatever.

ToV: Estelle Masculinity: 2 Femininity: 3 Neither: 5

Good question. This is kind of the result of my uncertainty. I’d imagine Flynn gets the same thing as Estelle (4-2-4). But I’m not sure if Estelle would get 2-3-5, especially with Yuri’s comment about how clothes never seem to match her. Edit: Changed it to match Edna and Colette (I’m never sure if I’m spelling her name correctly).

ToV: Rita Masculinity: 3 Femininity: 2 Neither: 5

Again, same problem. She has issues, though, obviously. And her speech style screams compensation.

ToS: Lloyd Masculinity: 5 Femininity: 2 Neither: 3

On the other hand, Lloyd wouldn’t know a gender norm even if it hit him upside the head with a nametag.

ToS: Colette Masculinity: 2 Femininity: 3 Neither: 5

I imagine hers as the same as Genis’s 3-2-5.

ToS: Zelos Masculinity: 5 Femininity: 4 Neither: 1

I always feel both him, except when he’s being serious. And he would totally use feminine charms to hit on chicks.

ToS-R: Emil Masculinity: 3 Femininity: 3 Neither: 4

Edit: I just remembered how some of the Japanese fandom labels Ratatosk as a chuunibyou, and for several hilarious reasons.

ToS-R: Marta Masculinity: 3 Femininity: 4 Neither: 3

I feel like she never had to deal with anything gender-like as Papa’s darling until she fell for Emil.

ToS-R: Richter Masculinity: 3 Femininity: 2 Neither: 5

I can’t shake the lack I feel from Richter.

ToG: Asbel Masculinity: 4 Femininity: 1 Neither: 5

Same with Asbel.

ToG: Cheria Masculinity: 2 Femininity: 6 Neither: 2

I still can’t think of any character more feminine. And she gets sooo offended when she’s forced to take a masculine role...

ToI-R: Ruca & Iria Masculinity: 3 Femininity: 4 Neither: 3

I feel like Iria has issues with her feminine side more than anything else, because she equates it to her past life. Also, it makes sense that she and Ruca have the same identity traits.

ToI-R: Spada & Kongwai Masculinity: 4 Femininity: 2 Neither: 4

I imagine Spada’s issue is the neutral side of him due to past-life crap.

I feel like Kongwai doesn’t have a problem with anything other than being mistaken constantly for a beautiful woman.