#i always feel a little weird posting works that aren't super recent

[espurr-roba]

this snippet's a few months old, but there's no way I'm realistically gonna be animating to this whole song any time soon so 🤪

bonus (rough) model sheet:

[akfamilyhome]

YouTube 2023 Year in Review

Welp! Guess it's that time of year again. I'm sure 2023 has been a...pretty interesting year to say for quite a few people. And for me personally, it's also been a weird little year that's great in some parts and could be better in others.

What have I been up to?

My life right now is kinda divided into three parts:

A) the "IRL" stuff, as in working on my editing day job and spending time with family.

B) working on YouTube videos which I still have the passion for,

and C) playing video games, collecting cool things and socializing with my online friends.

I've always felt that it's difficult for me to put equal attention to all three, and lately, it definitely feels like I'm focusing on 'A' and 'C' more. Of course, my day job is kinda how I make a living at the moment so that obviously gets priority, but that doesn't mean I want to ignore my YouTube stuff! It's just hard to sneak in a few lines of script-writing while multitasking at a day job, and only being able to freely spend time on 'B' and 'C' during night isn't the most productive way to go about things, especially with other things that aren't YouTube production. I also have games I want to play, art I want to draw, folks I'd like to hang out with etc.

And that's a fine, healthy way of going about things online for regular folks! But I don't want my YouTube channel to stagnate as a result of this, because I still love making videos! I have support from folks on Patreon, and I still hope to continue growing the channel so that it becomes more sustainable to do frequent updates.

Part of me has always thought about just quitting my day job once I have a decent amount of money saved up and just try doing YouTube full-time and rely on Patreon, even if there's a very low chance it'd be sustainable. Of course, that's a big gamble, and I'm not truly sure if that's really the best way to go about things. But those are just my inner thoughts and I've rambled long enough...

So, I apologize for the above situation sort of being the root cause of the recent slower pace of my YouTube channel! The pace of the channel this year is about the same as in 2022, if not a little slower. I didn't really get a lot of dormant scripts from 2020-2021 off the ground, but being true to what I said in last year's Year in Review, I did end up working on a lot of spontaneous ideas even if there wasn't a "big" core video! In fact, I think almost every video released in 2023 that we'll discuss below were spontaneous ideas.

I'll talk more about what's to come for the channel in the end of the post, but for now, as usual, we'll take a look at each video I made during 2023 and I'll share my thoughts and some fun facts about each!

A Trip to the Hong Kong Kirby Pop-Up Store

Various things were put up on the channel from January to March, including a funny little short for Mario Day and a new trailer for a revamped Patreon, but the major thing I put out was a look at the Kirby Pop-Up Store in Hong Kong! This was my first time doing a scripted documentation of an in-person event, and Nintendo Hong Kong would eventually do more events like Nintendo Live 2023 Hong Kong, and I'll definitely be talking about them on my channel eventually!

As for fun facts...uhh...I suppose Patreon patrons get to see the full unedited raw footage I took from the event lol

Top 10 Nintendo Trivia You NEVER Knew

This year's April Fools video...was also a last-minute sort of idea, if I recall correctly! The concept is simple: it's a parody of generic Top 10 trivia videos in terms of presentation, but the curveball is instead of just doing other blatantly obvious fun facts, the facts would actually be super obscure, inconsequential Nintendo facts that barely anyone would've known about, so in the end it's kind of a legit trivia video in a twisted way. The facts in the video were sourced from new research, me asking friends for suggestions and some of my old posts on Twitter, so there were a few 'fun' facts that were left on the cutting room floor, and here's a good place to share them!

In an early version of the GameCube instruction manual, Mario 64 was used as a placeholder game

The infamous 'black box' in Super Mario 64 DS is not a visual glitch as commonly believed, and briefly appears in E3 2004 footage

Prototype screenshots of Mario 64 have appeared in an early print of the game's box art...and on a Nintendo Monopoly board in 2006 (next to the ? Block on the right side of the board if you're looking)

The Onion in Hey! Pikmin has white and purple in its colors, even though white and purple Pikmin never appear in the game

The original 3DS had two separate sets of black & white colors, for some reason

And to finally come clean...yes, around 30% of the video's script was generated using ChatGPT, as part of the joke. Mostly the introductory bits at the beginning of each segment, since it definitely did not give me the results I wanted when I asked it to describe the specific details of each fact, so y'know, hopefully that's a sign it's not coming for my job of talking about obscure Nintendo things! And don't worry, this will probably be the only time I ever use AI in my videos.

The Better N64 Wavebird Experience

This is a follow-up to a 2021 video where I also used the N64 Switch Online controller on an original N64, albeit with a different adapter! This actually isn't a case where I received a free product to do a review on, I just happened to read about a better alternative, pre-ordered it online, it arrived in April and I decided to knock out a quick review/comparison video in 2 days!

As such, this is more of standard informative review video, but in all honesty, I still really like this setup, and it's in my opinion still one of the best controller options for original N64 games. So much so, that I recently completed my NSO controller collection by picking up a Sega Mega Drive 6-button NSO controller to eventually use with my original Mega Drive! I'm still looking for the compatible 8bitDo adapter though, so maybe when I eventually do, that can be a quick little video on the Plus channel for patrons!

The Most Expensive amiibo

This is my favorite video I put out this year! The Qbby amiibo has always been in my sights for a while, and I've gone on record saying that I'd make a video on it if I got my hands on one.

Back in 2019, I once saw a Qbby amiibo being offered on Yahoo Auctions for a relatively cheap price, but to afford it I asked for extra donations via Ko-fi. Looking back on it now there were probably better options I could've taken, but either way the listing got cancelled and I refunded everyone who donated for that. Then sometime later I saw another relatively cheap BOXBOY package in a local listing, but then the seller never replied and deleted the listing, so the amiibo has eluded me until now, and there seems to be no signs of Qbby stock going down any time soon. My hope for a Qbby reprint continues, and hopefully this video still serve as a little awareness boost for folks who are wondering why he's one of the most expensive amiibo around!

Some of the gag editing on this one got spruced up a little bit which I enjoyed doing, but you also probably noticed that I got a turntable specifically for those glamour shots! ...yeah, I'll probably get more use of that thing later on as well.

The Kirby Battle Royale online joke wasn't exaggeration: I couldn't find anyone to play online with! I suppose that is to be expected for, y'know, playing a mid 3DS game in 2023, but it's a shame that Kirby Battle Royale doesn't at least offer a option to play with friends, and from some experimentation, it seems that two of my US-based friends were able to match with each other online while I couldn't, which also suggested some region-based matchmaking was at play. Oh well! There are some better 3DS games out there that I'd still like to play online one last time before their servers shut down this April.

Tetris...on a McDonald's Nugget

Continuing the trend of 'make video on a recent find' for the third video in a row, it's the China-exclusive McDonald's Tetris Chicken McNugget! For an unscripted Things of Interest video, it turned out pretty well, kinda like the Rhythm Tengoku arcade video in 2022! Compared to the first unscripted TOI back in like 2018, I've definitely gotten a bit better at rambling since.

I was kind of a few days late to the party, and some other videos about the Tetris Nugget from larger channels have racked up more views since, but that's not really the point! As a casual Tetris fan that happens to be in proximity to mainland China, something as bizarre as this is totally right up my alley. Covering China-exclusive gaming stuff just kinda reminds me that I have yet to do a video on the iQue Player though, which I really want to...

FlashBoy Plus: The $95 Virtual Boy Flashcart

I haven't really taken a YouTube sponsorship deal yet, but I do get emails about doing reviews or ad reads of items on occasion, like new Switch gaming accessories from different third parties and whatnot. Unfortunately, that's not really the type of stuff I do regularly on the channel unless I find a great angle to tackle it from, so the only review offer I've done on the channel until now is a limited Switch physical release in 2020.

When I was offered to review the FlashBoy Plus, I was definitely intrigued despite having already previously covered the HyperFlash 32, a technically better option! Virtual Boy flashcarts are already a very niche thing, so I gladly took the opportunity to take a look at any new option out there, and even if it's not a mainstream topic at all it does kinda appeal to me specifically.

In the video, I mentioned the (very cool looking) clear cartridge shell was not a publicly available option yet at the time of the review, but looking at the order site now, it has been added since! So hey, good for them! It is honestly pretty sick to have a transparent Virtual Boy cartridge.

Playing PC Games with the SNES Mouse & Famicom Keyboard

I started work on the next core video right after the FlashBoy Plus video (more on that in the last section), but getting sick during early December forced me to delay it, so for that month I decided to do one last spontaneous idea: a followup to the 2021 video where I used the Famicom keyboard and SNES Mouse on a computer...but this time on a proper PC!

A thing that was brought up in the comments was one setting in particular: when I was changing the mouse settings in the Control Panel, there was a 'Enhance pointer precision' option that I didn't uncheck, which presumably slows down the mouse for precise movements. There wasn't a super noticeable difference when I unchecked it during further testing, but when I coupled it with further increasing the mouse sensitivity in games that allow you to change it in-game, I was actually able to get the SNES Mouse to move at a decent pace in some games! Of course, that requires tweaking with additional settings that would normally be overkill for a regular mouse, so it's still not practical, but at least there was a setup that would alleviate some of my complaints in the video.

Akfamilyhome Plus videos

Over on my second channel Akfamilyhome Plus, once again there's a variety of stuff! There's Mario Wonder memes, a new high quality video game rip album, archival footage and more. If there's one thing you should check out though, it's the supercuts of me playing Everybody 1-2-Switch with my Discord server. It's the best kind of chaos. Long live Kitchen Timer 4.

This year, 8 new unscripted bonus videos were released publicly! You can enjoy watching me:

Visit the 3DS eShop on its final day of operation

Check out the Nintendo DSi XL Demo Video carts

Look through gaming goodies on a Chinese second-hand market

Unseal Captain Toad Treasure Tracker for the 3DS

Read through the 2010 Nintendo Anti-Piracy Manual

Unbox a complete copy of the original GBA Play-Yan

Compare the two popular 3DS capture card models

And check out the Nintendo Power...rewritable cartridge!

And over on Patreon, 8 more exclusive videos are also available, featuring things like a slew of Nintendo cleaning kits, iQue DS games, the Chinese Mario Movie DVD and more! As always if you don't want to wait till some of them rotate into public availability, they're all available on Patreon for just $1 USD a month!

The fuuuuture

Okay, so what's next for 2023?

I mean 2024. Oh god the typos are already starting.

Right before the FlashBoy Plus video came out, in late June 2023, I did a video topic poll on Patreon, asking what idea I should do next. Out of the four options given, one of them is a continuation of a limbo project from 2021, and the other three were spontaneous new core video ideas I came up with and wanted to do.

Well, one of the spontaneous new ideas won the poll, so the next core video is...

A look at the camera and sound apps on both the Nintendo DSi and 3DS! I originally wanted to get this out in December, and you all know what happened to that plan, BUT the script is done, the VO recording is done, footage recording is well underway and I am confident I'll be able to get it out this January. I really like how the script for this one shaped up and am commissioning some banger thumbnail art for it (🐦), so I REALLY hope you'll look forward to it!

Afterwards, there are a few in-progress ideas that I also want to work on for quick videos afterwards. As mentioned above, I visited Nintendo Live 2023 Hong Kong which was hosted on November, and ALSO the Nintendo Hong Kong Pop-Up Store which is running from December to January, so both of those would make for a perfect video in a similar vein as the Kirby Pop-Up Store video last year!

I also went on a trip to Japan last August, and took quite a bit of photos and footage. I still want to share my findings and experiences of being in Tokyo for the first time that I could remember, so there will be a fun little piece about that going on the Plus channel in the future!

And don't forget, I'm making a video about every game I beat during 2023, continuing the thing I started last year!

And after ALL of the above is done, I still have the remaining core video ideas from the June Patreon poll I did, since I did say I'd eventually love to do all of them, and that desire still hasn't gone away. I don't know how the rest of 2024 will go for this channel but I'd say this is a fantastic starting point, and I hope it'll all go up from there, since I'd really love to be more productive on here, while trying to keep that A-B-C balance in check!

So yeah! That's it for the 2023 Year in Review. If you've made it all the way to the bottom, thank you for reading! Here's a 25-use invite link to my Discord server as a little something! Thank you to all of you who've supported me this past year, whether you're a viewer or a patron, and I hope to keep up the work this year and try to strive for better!

[jyakkopotto-saddo-gaaru]

「ただお前は孤独な一匹さ

その声を聞かせてくれ」

important: please tag any posts with young children (<11) explicitly shown being hurt with #rock don't look. mentions / implications are fine, and its okay if you forget sometimes!!!

hi. you can call me rock. or beffy ig. my pronouns are it/he/they, i prefer it or he

i am also a minor.

(box by @/lgbtq-userboxes)

(by @lillie-of-the-valley)

(userbox by MEEEEEE :3)

(blinkie by @hiddencircus)

(@milaxan7)

in gendered languages, flip a coin!! i'm acespec, and have no romantic or sexual attraction. i still make sex jokes sometimes tho

(layout by @cruelestcolor here)

I WOULD LIKE TO BETA READ !!!!!! reach out to me through dms or asks and I'll see if i can!

i am verrrry neurodivergent. just super off-the-wall audhd depressed apathetic sad boy who probably has several other conditions unbeknownst to it

list of sideblogs here

#my personal heritage posts - means posts that shaped my psyche

#and then the queue queued everywhere - queue tag (i might forget)

#bam !! band - my prsk oc unit!! i might call it bamu or b!b sometimes

#i speak - my posts. they usually are funny

#it speaks - asks

#urgurg - vents, i almost never make these

#writes boobily - my writing in any capacity. poems, fics, just little cute stories, just little sad stories, any of it

uuuhhhh ask me if you need me to tag anything specific! I'll try to remember and i almost always tag tws but if i forget im sorry!!!

the fandoms i interact with are:

utdr (a lot but less recently)

in stars and time (often)

omori

everhood(sometimes)

vocaloid

pjsk (my main fandom at this point)

bandori (if anyone posts about it ever)

ddlc

bsd

other stuff sometimes

favorite characters:

Minori Hanasato (pjsk)

Mizuki Akiyama (pjsk)

Mirabelle (isat)

Siffrin (isat)

Kris Dreemurr (deltarune)

Noelle Holiday (deltarune)

Sayori (ddlc)

Tomori Takamatsu (bandori)

Kasumi Toyama (bandori)

Anon Chihaya (bandori)

Atsushi Nakajima (bsd)

+ more but lets not get into that

stuff i like but they aren't really fandoms:

music

writing

art

funny stuff (shitposts)

dni if:

you're racist,

xenophobic,

homophobic,

transphobic,

ace/arophobic,

exclusionist,

sexist,

a terf,

you call yourself a "proshipper" or "antishipper" (we dont do that here)

a "MAP" supporter,

just a jerk.

okay anyway, just ask me random questions, important or no. i'm desperate for parasocial interaction.

pjsk id: 491248862040817667 (tell me if it doesn't work. feel free to friend me! if you feel weird doing that you can ask to be friends through my inbox or smth i like playing w ppl oUo)

en id 3 (the other one disappeared in the storm /j i just wont use it for a good while lol): 543507235729326088

JP id (1): 527547982754889730 (i use this one most often)

my ao3 is a-rock-nothing-else, and I have exactly two(2) fic.

(ps, I WELCOME BLORBOTAGGING. even on vent posts lol. and if i ever make you uncomfy, please tell me and ill change my behavior accordingly!!)

「ただお前は孤高の一匹さ 今だ、通り越してゆけ」

[rambosgirl]

🦉Positivity owl reporting for duty! This was sent by a friend who wants you to smile as much as your posts make them smile. Please list five things that make you unique, four things you are super passionate about and why, OR three of your favorite memories. Feel free to send the owl to those who you feel deserve to smile🦉

Awww I love this!

Five things that make me unique:

I'm very musical! I play the flute, piano, violin, ukulele, and sing.

I'm in college studying a combination of degrees, Animal Science and Psychology

I got married young (barely 20) and I'm loving every minute! (I also want a bunch of kids but pregnancy scares me so we're not gonna for a while) (Specifically I want a bunch of boys and a few girls cause I think it would be ADORABLE to have all the boys be so protective of their sister(s))

I'm such a girly girl. Ball gowns, makeup, frolicking through a meadow, all of it. I also have a tiara collection that takes up MUCH of my closet.

This is kinda weird but like... I get my period every 3 months instead of the usual 1. It's ver interesting in a 'idk what my body is doing - ever' kind of way

Four things I'm super passionate about:

Horse training!! It's what I want to do for my career, and I just feel so alive when I do it. I love building connections and friendships without saying a word, it just feels magical in a way

My family. I come from a family of 7, and we're super close. I have a special connection to all my siblings and parents (who did/are doing an amazing job), I just love them all so much. I know good families are something not everybody has, and that really makes my heart ache for anyone who doesn't have this (If this is you, know that family is something you can build with your friends and that you aren't alone, and I love you)

Going along with the horse training, my dream is to have a family farm where I can run my horse training business but ALSO raise my kids and be at least a little self-sufficient. (you never know when the zombie apocalypse is gonna happen XD) I want horses, cows, and chickens, and I've recently been thinking about goats too... Oh, and I want a big garden and orchard! I love fruits and berries, so lots of those. And flowers too

My religion! I feel like it allows me to be the best version of myself I can be, and the people are so nice :)

Three favorite memories:

My wedding day. It was rough, nothing went as planned bc of the rain we had to switch indoors (I dreamed of getting married at my aunt's ranch for my entire childhood and it didn't happen) we had close to no decorations bc they were at the ranch, just UGH! BUT! The people who came to my wedding were the best, they helped decorate, my dentist actually became the DJ, and I ended up having so much fun with my friends and family. Not to mention, I married my BFF, and now we have a sleepover every night (yay!)

I don't remember much of my childhood, BUT I love every memory I have of playing Barbies with my sisters. We always had the most unhinged plotlines to our games but there was always serious TEA. Looking back it was a fever dream but one I would love to go back to.

Any memory of my old project horses. I built special connections with them, and I love them so much. Especially with this one spicy Appaloosa mare, I would be working with her alone, she was SO wound up, mean, fearful, just everything. But I kept at it and got her to a place where she wasn't afraid anymore, and spending time with her became so peaceful I can't even put it into words. She still had her spicy personality, but to be honest I would not change that about her even if I could. She wouldn't be herself without it. It felt like we were in our own little world. And while I taught her a lot, I feel like she probably taught me so much more (I'm crying rn btw)

Dang, I needed this, thank you so much anon!! ;-;

[cj-the-random-artist]

sorry if you've answered this before, but how do you draw/proportion bodies? The way you draw poses is so nice and fluid and I'd love to see how you do it! Your art is always such an inspiration to me, thank you for posting it

Hello! So first of all, that's a huge compliment and I really really appreciate it! I don't have the words, just. Dang. I really appreciate that so so much.

As for how I draw / proportion bodies, I don't really have a fully set process or anything, because almost all of what I do has been a result of me messing around and finding out for several years. That said, I'll try to go over some of my general process here and if clarification is needed for any part of this my askbox is always open and I'm happy to try and answer.

So I generally try to start with a rough gesture-ish shape for the torso that kind of establishes where I want the torso to sit and at what angle I want the hips / shoulders to be at. It helps for a pose to look a little more natural if there's a little bit of asymmetry and if the hips and shoulders aren't exactly at the same angle. Once I have that initial shape set up, I like to add the legs on, so I can get a feel for the weight distribution.

Also notably, I have a little marker for the head on there so I know roughly where that will be placed.

Generally after this stage I'll go in and add arms, and when I do that I'll usually make clear note of the hands, then the shoulders, then connect them at the elbow. I'll also draw on the head at this point, and for that I like to mark where the collar bone would be. There's a muscle on both sides of the neck that starts at the collar bone and ends right below the ears so that's generally a good reference point. After that I'll draw on the jawline and start marking down the head shape and where the face will go.

After this point I'll start adding on stuff like face, clothes, etc. (This ended up being a Bdubs)

A few things to try and keep in mind for anatomy is rough skeletal and muscle structure. I find it helpful if I'm struggling with a pose to think about where the ribcage, pelvis, and joints would reasonably be, and usually that will help me deal with most issues I might have. Additionally, thinking about muscle structure and body fat helps better establish the external shapes of the character, so I try to think of those too while I'm drawing.

This isn't super detailed, but I also marked here where rough skeletal points are and what the angles of the hips and shoulders are.

That said, that's not the only way I think about posing when I do start on a drawing. When I'm drawing something at a more intense angle, I prefer to start with whatever part of the body is closest to the camera and work my way back. When doing a more action- oriented pose, I tend to focus more on the line of action first so that I can do more with the gesture.

If it's not completely evident from this page, though, not every pose I draw will work out. It's fairly common for me to end up with stiff poses or ones with weird, warped proportions, especially when I'm doing more action oriented or foreshortened poses. (But of course, I don't post all the stuff I make.)

I guess to give a few closing notes, I've found that taking in information about anatomy and posing from a lot of different sources has helped me improve at it. I took a life drawing class recently that taught a very traditional manner of drawing the human figure that had a lot of emphasis on accuracy, and I took an anatomy and physiology class a couple years ago, which helped me gain an understanding of the human figure on a more scientific level, which I found very helpful. That said, I've found that YouTubers like LavenderTowne have a lot of useful information on drawing stylized anatomy and fluid poses, and her Do This, Not That videos are very informative, so I recommend looking into those a little bit for more stuff.

And a few more closing notes, that I've found work well for me personally, I highly suggest sketching loosely and lightly, and being okay with not drawing perfect poses every time. I've found, for myself, that not committing to lines right away allows me more space to find that sweet spot, so to speak, where things just work. I've found myself erasing the same lines over and over again so many times. Heck I'll draw the same post multiple times to get it to look right. It might not always look right on the first try and that's absolutely fine. Quite honestly it doesn't have to look right on the first try. For every pose I draw that turns out nice I have probably an average of 15 that have been erased or scratched out. So, like... don't get too hung up on stuff being perfect. And another small bit! Exaggerate stuff! It's fun! But it also helps capture the feeling and energy in the pose more than anatomical accuracy does, and I'd argue that especially when it comes to stylized work, it's important to push stuff to be a little bit "more" than it "realistically" would be, because I've found that can also help with fluidity. Besides, if it's been pushed too much, it's a little easier to pull it back.

I hope that long winded spiel was at least a little bit helpful, and again if any of this needs clarification, lmk! And have a fantastic day :D

[mutxnts]

20 fic questions

tagged by @oodlyenough to do this!! thank you <33

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

i have 22 works posted!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

42,292 words! that actually really surprises me bc all of the things i write are one shots, and they aren't particularly long. i thought this number would be farrrrrr lower

3. what fandoms do you write for?

currently only ace attorney!

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

a cold night in ikea (xmen) good old days (ace attorney) lost (xmen) sunsets over genosha (xmen) hot, sticky, sweet (ace attorney)

5. do you respond to comments?

yes!!!! i always make a point to respond :) i don’t really get that many comments on my fics so i always want to show some appreciation for the people that do take time to write something!!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i guess lost? but the thing is i don't really like to write pure angst. most of the angst i write has a happy ending so by definition, that's probably the only fic i've written that has an angsty ending

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmm see this is difficult when most of my fics have a happy ending and i think it's a little subjective which one is the happiest. but maybe sweet, sweet bliss since it's basically just pure fluff?

8. do you get hate on fics?

thankfully not, although i did get a slightly weird comment a couple months ago that i THINK was trying to jokingly tease me about how the characters were being ooc bc phoenix never gave edgeworth a blowjob in the games. and then they ended the comment with “but good job writing a story.” the problem is i did not know the person and so it did not really feel like much of a joke and it just. idk it felt very weird so i ended up deleting it

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i only recently started posting smut. i still feel a little awkward about it bc both times it’s been pwp, and with that it’s just like. yeah here’s two guys fucking. that’s it. but maybe that’s just the ace in me talking and feeling kinda weird about it gjsjfjdjfjdf

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

normally no i do not, but i started talking about which pokemon some of the ace attorney characters would have with a friend. and from there we started talking about so many headcanons that i started writing something for that universe bc i was inspired, but i honestly haven't touched it in a few months bc i got distracted writing other things lol

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of, so hopefully never!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!!! again this goes back to my fics i wrote as a kid (so back when i was still on wattpad), but a few people translated my fics into other languages. the only one i can remember specifically was it was translated into turkish, but i remember there being other ones as well

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not! and i think that’s just bc i write roleplays with people instead

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

either cherik or narumitsu <3

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the one i ended up posting anyway since i feel like i'll never come back to it skdfjgjsdfgkj

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m a pretty concise writer, since i write how i think most people would speak. if that makes sense? my answer in the next question kinda gets into that, but i think i’m just not really someone who goes super artistic with my writing

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i think i’m not the best at writing prose. like, i’m not great with using very flowery, poetic kinda language or vocabulary. i struggle with that a lot. also, i can’t really write long fics, or even multi chapter fics. i just do not have the energy or motivation to do either one lol so that’s why all my fics are one shots

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i try to do it as little as possible bc i only know english, so i have to turn to google translate. and even then i try to stick to only pet names and other terms of endearment, so it’s not like i’m even really writing full sentences or anything in another language

19. first fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson!

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

honestly it's so hard to choose but maybe blinding lights! i'm pretty sure it was the most excited i've ever been to write a fic, but i also recall really enjoying the setting of a cold night in ikea and being able to write that :) that one was the first time i had written fan fic since i was in high school, and it made me fall in love with writing again

tagging @japanifornication @sevenyeargap @ivy-saurs and anyone else that wants to do this! though no worries if you don't want to :)

[anendoandfriendo]

You got a freak who's trying to posit themselves as normal? Or vice versa? Bonus points if you have characters who oppose each other and BOTH situations are happening?

Note: we hijack the post to talk about intentional soulbonding and intentional splitting/western tulpamancy starting below this note.

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Yeah, those fuckers are ours now, but like, literally, we're so Xive heavy that we'll probably just Grab Them. So like. On top of that, we can: split (accidentally and intentionally - we believe the latter is what many plural communities call willogenic or western tulpamancy) AND soulbond (accidentally and intentionally.

So if we DON'T grab them the first round, if someone asks, well, the soulbonders are just fine spoiling the rest of us lol. So good fucking luck keeping them away from us. :v

Re: soulbonding, there are infinite universes out there, if one soul doesn't consent we can always find them elsewhere, you know? But, while it's rare - once someone requests for it to happen, the folks who can do things intentionally will absolutely go out of their way to grant the wish.

We don't think we talk about the intentional part of this often enough. Once upon a time, someone went "hey can we just. DRAG that one character from the isekai slow life mobile game in here. Maynard I mean. No it's not because he posits his freakishness as normal, but he has MASSIVE queer energy I want him in here regardless of if he fronts a lot or just chills in headspace. Please?" and lo! We made contact in the background while our fronter at the time was absolutely fixating on this weird fucking harem anime game.

Maynard gave us the condition that we also allow him to bring along his "little Shroomie" so we have the feminine MC as well. We thought Shroomie was just a nickname but no, she actually goes by that here. Which is super cool we think. Sometimes if we go into headspace you can see Maynard dancing his feet off and it's so cool. (:

We think he won't front because we often lose skills and exomemories though, during the transition, so sometimes people see us hyperfixating on hypotheticals and those are really, more often than not, us trying to get down as much as we can while it's there. The Ether is very hard for us to access when the goal isn't explicitly to drag someone else here into the hoard sksksksk.

Another situation we have is 💜 who only very recently has started to project into the background (xe managed to learn how to front quite easily though). Xe's a soulbond/tulpa hybrid of sorts, in that xe got plopped here along with ❤️ by accident when 🖤 and 🤍 did and, well, it's very weird. Neither 🖤 or 🤍 has been aware of those two existing, which is directly contrary to "canon" (<- a good many of us aren't exactly in love with this term, but like, simplification for the sake of discussion y'know -- hence the quotation marks) and even more the fact they were fragmented from 🖤 and 🤍 directly.

This has. Uh. Led to the very weird situation where the skills between all four of them are pretty disparate. 💜 had more self-awareness than ❤️ upon arrival, but ❤️ learned to project first but still can't front often and 💜 was able to take in a lot of information very rapidly but couldn't figure out how to access the headspace until 🖤 tried to instruct him on how it seems to work in this polyplex. It apparently helps if you can like, put our sensory system on hyperdrive intentionally to try to feel like, what it would be like if there was carpet where the shower floor is or whatever instead of the shower. So eventually that projection morphs itself into actual headspace and then you're not fronting anymore and we get an idea of what exists here or what CAN exist here.

And like, that's an approximation but we talk in "pings" so explaining it in words of all things feels very inadequate to us lol. It's more complicated than that, but that's. The closest we can get.

And after that, we found out ❤️ was supposed to do the opposite stop doing that. Like...we talk about dissociating from the body by intention, but apparently you can also just dissociate from the backspace to place yourself in frontspace, and that's how we've all been teleporting back and forth between spaces both between the frontspace and backspace as well as between spaces within both.

So, all of this is to say, from what we can tell, despite the fact they are technically soulbonds by association, ❤️ and 💜 have been using western tulpamancy/willogenic/intentional splitting to give themselves more awareness of their thoughts/opinions as well as to give themselves what are considered basic functions and skills of our polyplex. Their uh older siblings???? parents????? whatever they are, 🖤 and 🤍had these skills from the outset we guess.

And they also literally fell through The Ether by complete accident, and told us it was like, a Big Hole on their side of the deal, and they can't seem to go back even if they can vaguely figure out the pathways in which they arrived. Which feel useful to us because that tells us we definitely aren't a gateway system, and we can collate the information to figure out that it's not, in fact, people pretending to be other people. We're literally just this big of a system, we are in fact a generative system and just. Grow. A lot. And it can help us discern when we do something on accident and when it is actually on purpose.

These four gremlins do, in fact, fit the "You got a freak who's trying to posit themselves as normal? Or vice versa? Bonus points if you have characters who oppose each other and BOTH situations are happening?" situation. That's very interesting, but it's not something the main frontrunners of our childhood want to think about at the moment.

(Seriously, as we speak 💜 is walking by in coconscious and narrowed xer eyes just to see what was going on. Bless xem sksksk.)

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Anyways, we're probably hitting waaaaaay too close to the sun with this post, so we'll ask that this is the singular thing you don't call us out on. Talking about it vaguely is fine, but saying "oh! you're [redacted/name] aint'cha?" is going to give all four of them anxiety attacks that would be like a 9.9 on the richter magnitude scale.

Anyways, we don't talk about intentional headmates enough when the headmate is not part of a willogenic or tulpa system. We don't think that's on purpose but we don't think that's a coincidence either, because that would challenge the binaristic idea in endogenic spaces that being born this way "justifies" our existence. This, you know, coming from an endogenic system that was born this way.

Sorry for hijacking this post OP.

If you had to pick, what’s the ONE trait in a fictional character that makes you immediately go “oh this one’s mine”

[shina913]

The Boyfriend Experience | JJK

The Boyfriend Experience: Jungkook

The BFE: Masterlist

Pairing: Escort!Jungkook x Fem!Reader

Rating: M

Genre: Fake!dating; fluff; light angst; SFW (generally)

Warnings: Sexually suggestive conversations and tones; cussing; alcohol consumption; boyfriend-for-hire; some kissing; JK is very touchy here

Word count: 9,355 words

Summary: 💬 He’s a confident man who takes pride in his appearance, but also in how he treats other people. He loves to have a good time, but still holds strong values on being respectful and well-mannered. Chivalry is not dead! 

A/N: Ackk--okay so...I didn't mean for this to be super long but it just worked out that way! I really wanted a sweet, encouraging, JJK story. I'm also projecting a bit because...I'm a little frustrated at my job. Anyway, I hope you'll like it. It's smut-free but I hope you'll still find it endearing?😬 I do love how the boys are encouraging to fans, especially on their social media posts and such so I wanted to highlight that a bit here. I still added hints of thirst...because I'm me. 🤷‍♀️

A/N2: Thank you to my sis @internetjunkdrawer for beta'ing and being so supportive even as I kept switching up this story for the Nth time.

A/N3: If you want to read about JK and all of his sexy glory, there's always Coquet 😘

A/N4: LMK if you catch a couple of easter eggs here!

‼️IMPORTANT: Although the narration will include Jungkook's name, OC/Reader will not address him as so because she booked him under an assumed alias. Weird, I know but--let's just go with it 😉

You were proud to be a self-made woman. You had a steady corporate job, an actual retirement fund, and a decent apartment with a bedroom and a kitchen. You didn’t have any responsibilities other than your bills and yourself. 

Things could always be worse, you thought. On the other hand, things could be better.

You valued your independence. You wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. But you couldn’t deny that you had some days when you would feel pressure to lock things down with a partner or significant other.

The company you worked at was not only headed by predominantly male staff but the two women who were in upper management positions were married and had children.

Although you had a great track record, you’ve been stuck in the highest mid-level position for a few years. Recently, you’ve helped bring in new contracts, additional revenue; not to mention that all of those clients raved about you.

You’ve worked very hard and were fully expecting a promotion before the end of the year. You knew it had to be in the bag!

Today, you had a scheduled lunch date with your former coworker, Miri Jang, whom you haven’t seen since she left the company. You talked about coming so close to making it to senior account manager in the last couple years but for some reason, kept falling short.

“I think it’s my time, Miri. It should be,” you remarked.

“Not to burst your bubble, YN but don’t hold your breath,” Miri responded cynically.

You laughed. “Are you kidding me? I had the best performance this last quarter and the one before that! I could totally represent the company in front of big-name clients!”

She gave you a deadpan look. “To be the face of the company, you have to be relatable.”

Your eyebrows creased in confusion. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Miri inhaled sharply. “I was told once, ‘We need to foster a warm, welcoming environment to attract more lucrative clients to partner with’.”

“My clients like me just fine,” you retorted. “I haven’t heard otherwise!”

“Riiight…But at the end of the day, it’s a…” she gestured air-quotations with her hands, “‘Family-run company’, YN. They think that single employees are more likely to switch jobs more frequently because they see them as people who don’t believe in long-term commitments. But if you had a family? There’s a bit more incentive there,” she explains.

Much to your own family’s chagrin, you were unapologetically single. They think that if you aren't well on your way to being a wife or a mother by a specific age, there must be something wrong with you. And if you aren't looking for a partner, your parents would take matters into their own hands and arrange one for you.

You’re beautiful, smart, and have a great personality so…why aren’t you married or in a committed relationship?

Your biological clock is ticking!

It all gets very old and stale after some time.

You give her a quizzical look then shake your head in denial. “That doesn’t seem to add up.” You were unconvinced that your singlehood was an obstacle. If anything, you have more leeway to put in time and effort since you don’t have any other commitments other than your job!

“So you’re telling me that I need to be married or have children to secure this promotion?” You were incredulous. 

Your former colleague threw her head back in laughter. “Of course not! At least, they can’t legally ask you to do that. They’re simply saying that being in a committed relationship or having a family helps with relatability,” she leered.

Come to think of it, most people from your cohort who were recently promoted were married and/or had children. Still–that can’t be legal, could it?

“If you ever want to take your talents elsewhere, my company has openings. We can definitely use someone like you on our team. Child-bearing hips not required,” she smiled and winked at you.

You went back to your office after that lunch date with your ego slightly deflated.

So you needed somebody in your life…to show that you were committed to your job? It sounded like bullshit and a small part of you wanted to prove Miri wrong.

The company’s year-end celebration was coming up. You initially planned on going alone, per usual. But with your recent discovery, you now needed a contingency plan. This event not only invited existing clients but it was also a huge networking opportunity.

It wasn’t like you didn’t try to bring a date to any of these company events. It’s just that there weren’t any good candidates for you. You weren’t dating anyone seriously–at least, not serious enough to bring them to company or family functions.

The only friends that you have were either unavailable or uninterested in accompanying you to the year-end party.

Until…you had a stroke of genius: hire someone to pose as your significant other for the evening.

Sure, you could have gone on dating apps or picked someone up at a bar–but those options might prove to be too complicated. If you were going to take a risk, you’d rather it be a calculated one.

******

“Do we have to have sex?” You ask Jungkook point-blank. He is an escort…and while that was usually on the table, it wasn’t what you were hiring him for.

“No.” He says simply. “This is why we have conversations like this. We need to come to an agreement about what you need or what you want.” He paused to regard you intently. He narrowed his eyes slightly, zeroing in on you. With one look, he escalated the temperature from warm to white-hot…just like that.

Geez, YN. Control yourself. Focus!

Downloading the app and creating your profile was easy. But getting your foot in the door–that was a whole other story. You had to sign an NDA before you could even gain access to this backroom speakeasy.

It was an exclusive club. One where you needed to be referred to by a current member. You got the idea from one of your high-value clients–with lots of disposable income and a frequent patron.

But even with the referral, not everyone is accepted that easily. You’d have to pass a background check and a health check, for your safety and the escorts’.

And my god! Once you were in, it was like being in a candy store. You could browse the app and explore escort profiles–which are recommended by compatibility based on your preliminary intake. Each profile had a photo and contained brief bios, personal interests, and ‘specialties’. It made you slightly uneasy, but this was better than getting a friend to do this for you. At least these guys were professionals.

On the app, you can schedule a ‘mini-date’ with an escort of your choosing. You would meet them at the secret club room–which was housed in the back of a high-end restaurant. Very unassuming, you thought, but it was an ingenious cover story.

This backroom had mood lighting illuminating the space. It was darker, quieter, more intimate. Each escort was on a mini-date, which was mostly one-on-one. You spotted a woman talking to two males. Either she was being greedy or she was having trouble deciding.

One of them looked sweet–he was touchy but not in a creepy way. He had a cute crinkle in his eye whenever he smiled. The other was soft-spoken but had a look so intense that you could swear it made any woman’s panties drop upon eye contact. 

You could see her dilemma—they both looked very desirable. But poly-dates were not allowed in this club. To get the most out of your experience, you can only book one. That was a shame.

But it didn’t really matter since you were completely happy with your choice. 

His photo and profile intrigued you. Of course, that wasn’t his real name. None of them used their real names–which was fine. Unfortunately, you had to use your real name since you’d have to take him out in public.

Unlike those dating apps you’ve perused a while back, the photos on this app were as close as you could get to the real thing. They were meant to whet your appetite–which was a great marketing tool because you certainly bought it. And now here he was…in the flesh. He seriously looked Photoshopped. How was that possible?

And he smelled like heaven. No, not one of those annoying woodsy-floral notes that seems to be popular amongst the smarmy senior account managers at your office. His scent was warm and spicy with subtle hints of citrus. It was more intoxicating than the glass of prosecco that you had in front of you.

You rubbed your already-crimson earlobe then cleared your throat to compose yourself again.

“Uhm, so, I guess you’ve read my profile on the app and my comments about what I need out of this experience?”

He hummed in agreement. “Yes, I read your notes.”

“Okay, great! In so many words, I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend for a work function,” you stated.

“Sounds simple enough–”

“I’m not done,” you respond curtly, making his eyebrows lift in surprise.

You softened the edge in your voice. “I apologize. I’m just a little tense, that’s all. I just…really need my plan to work and–”

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for.” Something about the look in his eyes offered assurance and it placated you.“I’m here to help you. And I apologize for interrupting you as well. Please, continue,” he urges.

“I’m trying to get in good with the senior partners at my firm. I’m done waiting for this promotion that should have already happened last year. Which is why…I’m taking matters into my own hands.” You couldn’t hide the bitterness in your tone. 

“All of my bosses and some well-known associates will be at this party, along with their significant others. If I have to play their game, I’m going to need some backup.”

“Who are we trying to impress here, exactly?” He sounds genuinely curious. “I need to know who’s going to be in the room; how old they would be or gender ratio…”

“It’s…primarily men. The goal is to land a huge account that evening. If I can do that, it should show them that I deserve to be within their ranks. Our CEO will be there too, so if I can impress him–even better!”

Both his eyebrows flick up. “Okay. So, how do you see my role in this?”

You exhaled sharply. “I need to prove to my bosses that I am capable of commitment whether it’s with my job…or my personal life.”

If being single is seen as flaky or untrustworthy in your company, you want to prove them wrong. You could show them that you can be in a committed relationship. At least, until you’ve secured this promotion.

He stared at you for a few seconds to make sure that you were done talking before he responded. “Alright.”

Your face twitches slightly. “‘Alright?’ Simple as that?” You’re not sure why you were led to believe that this was going to be a more complex process given the vetting process you had to through just to secure this membership.

He lifted a shoulder. “Yeah. Just tell me when, where, and what talking points I need to look into so that I can do some research, if I need to.“

Talking points? Research?

He sounded thorough and really wanted to make a good impression to sell this story. 

You give him a rundown of some interests that your senior staff had. Your CEO had a penchant for wine and recently invested in a small vineyard in Napa Valley. It was all he could talk about in the last few months. About midway through, Jungkook asks one of the servers for a pen and paper, continuing to take notes about the ‘job.’

You appreciated that attention to detail. You started to think that you may be getting your money’s worth.

You went on to describe a couple other people whom you wanted to impress at the party, most especially your managing director, who had a say in your promotion.

When you finished, it was his turn to talk through other necessary details about your arrangement.

“What’s our cover story? How did we meet, how long have we been together…in case anybody asks. Oh, and you’ll have to tell me how intimate I can be with you.”

“Intimate?” You croaked out. You thought that ‘intimacy’ was optional–which was why it was the first thing that you asked him during this mini-date. You internally panic and reach up to your earlobe to press on it gently. 

“I mean, can I hold your hand? Are you okay with me touching you anywhere else? Can I kiss you?”

“Oh…uhm...s-sure.” Your eyes immediately flick down to his mouth briefly. It was very distracting.

“So…where?

Your breath hitched, snapping you out of your daze. “I beg your pardon?”

“Where can I touch or kiss you?”

You paused for a few seconds to consider this before you answered him. “Cheek, lips…” you say as casually as possible before quickly adding, “Not open-mouthed, though.”

He chuckles and nods along. “No problem.”

“And you can hold my hand, waist, or shoulders...” You rub your earlobe again as you try your best not to visibly sweat while you discuss parts of your body that this very unreasonably attractive and sexy-smelling man can put his hands on.

He cocked his head to the side, eyeing you carefully. “Is that a nervous tick?” 

You stilled. “What is?”

“That,” he gestures at your hand fidgeting with your ears.

“Oh…uhm…coping mechanism,” you say nonchalantly. “It calms me down,” you reasoned.

He pursed his lips and nodded. “I see.” He subtly makes note of it.

You exhaled deeply. Focus, YN. You tell him where the event would be at and approximately how long you’d be there before he told you how much he would charge. You’d need him for about 3-4 hours. Once you agreed on his rate, you moved on to discuss the dress code.

“Do you have a tux or do you need me to rent you one?”

He chuckled again. “I have a couple, but I appreciate the offer.”

After hearing what his hourly rate was, you had no doubt he had a couple of tuxes…nice, bespoke ones, you presumed.

“What are you wearing?”

His question catches you off-guard. If you didn’t know better, you’d say it was a come-on. “Does that matter? We don’t need to coordinate or anything. This isn’t prom,” you joked.

He laughed. “I know that but I want to complement your outfit. Aesthetics draw people’s attention. I think it would help.”

You purse your lips, turning pensive for a bit but eventually acquiesced. He notes that you were wearing a jewel-toned dress.

“Okay, so I’ll need you to meet me at–”

“Wouldn’t it be more believable if we arrived in the same car together?”

You hadn’t thought about that. You were slightly apprehensive about driving around with a stranger, much less a boyfriend-for-hire. Then again, this wasn’t just any run-of-the-mill escort service. Everything about this place screamed high-class. The app also assures background checks and necessary clearances for all of their employees.

“If it makes you feel more comfortable, we can meet at a neutral place, then we can take my car to the venue.”

“Sounds practical,” you uttered then proceeded to set a meeting place and time so you could drive together. “Okay so, we’re all set? Do I give you the money now or…after?”

“You can give it to me when we meet–either before or at the end of the night, once you’re satisfied with the service,” he finished with a smile.

You cleared your throat. You were really doing this…

“So, I know our time’s almost up but did you have any more questions for me?”

“No.” You felt confident that your plan would work. “What about you? Do you have any questions for me?”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you single or…not in a committed relationship?”

You squinted at him suspiciously. “And how is that relevant to our agreement?”

“Knowing helps me form a bond with my clients. It also enhances the experience or customizes it, if you will.” He smiled faintly.

And then there it was again–that stare. Something about that look made you feel safe and encouraged you to open up.

You paused before you answered. You’d already worked this out in your head and justified it over and over…“I just haven’t found anybody who respects my independence. I know that seems counterintuitive especially if you’re trying to find a partner but–I want to be with somebody who is comfortable with the thought of me not needing them all the time.”

“That’s an interesting take.”

You sighed wistfully. “To me, the concept of ‘needing someone’ is because you’re expecting some sort of benefit from them…as if they’re necessary for you to function properly. That’s where dependency lies and I do not want to be dependent on anybody. I do, however, want somebody to love…or care about. Wanting something or someone involves desire, passion…comfort.”

His eyebrows lifted at that. “Wow,” he blew out. “That’s deep.”

You rolled your eyes and laughed, taking a sip of your drink. “I’ve just been in one too many relationships where my partners have always complained about me not making them feel needed. And the truth is, I don’t need them,” you said simply before turning serious again, “I want them in my life, but they just didn’t understand so I focused my energy elsewhere.”

He nodded in earnest. “I hope that I can fulfill some of your wants.”

“You already are,” you smiled.

The next morning, you called the assistant about changing your RSVP to include a plus one. Luckily, another guest backed out, and they were able to make room at your table for your date.

******

On the day of your company’s party, you pulled into the parking structure a few blocks away from the venue, where you and Jungkook agreed to meet. When you reach the third level, you spot him standing next to a sleek, black, two-door Mercedes C-class Coupe. You pull your own white, Mercedes E-class next to his and parked.

“Nice ride,” He remarked at your car as you stepped out.

“Thanks,” you responded, then gestured at his car. “Clearly…great minds think alike!”

“I wish! It’s a company car,” he clarifies. Your eyebrows flick up and wonder how many ‘companies’ like his had $50,000 cars on-hand for ‘business purposes.’

He gives you a once-over and compliments you. “You look beautiful, Miss YLN.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you compliment him back. He was dressed in a matte, all-black tuxedo with silk lapels and a black bowtie. The only hint of color on his outfit was a pocket square matching your dress’ hue, which you noted appreciatively.

And you thought he couldn’t get any sexier. You internally fanned yourself.

“First things first!” You opened your clutch and took out an envelope that took up most of the space in it and handed it to him.

He glanced down at it before accepting it. “Are you sure you don’t want to wait until the end of the night to see how it goes first?”

Still holding your hand out, you cocked an eyebrow at him. “Are you saying that I should have second thoughts about this?” You countered.

He smiled confidently before quietly taking the envelope from you, tucking it in his jacket’s inside pocket and smoothing the front once more.

“Ready for showtime?” He asks.

“As I’ll ever be,” you respond before he opens the passenger door for you to slide into.

******

Your company went all out—valet parking, red carpet rollout to welcome all guests.

Jungkook hands the attendant his keys and you both walk up to the entrance, hand-in-hand. 

The event was held at a fine arts museum whose structure was originally modeled after a French-style pavilion. It was located on the other side of the city, over a hill with sweeping views of the Pacific ocean.

The venue had a large atrium in which guests would be drinking and dining. It was surrounded by large, concrete columns that covered the whole perimeter and at the center of it all was an illuminated glass pyramid—which was where a small stage was set up.

Since the museum housed many classic, invaluable collections, museum staff imposed restrictions on guests milling around with beverages or appetizers next to the art.

You scanned the room and spotted a few of your coworkers, already in deep conversation with a few of their current clients.

“Who are we going for first?” He asks.

You crane your neck in search of your managing director. You locate him having a conversation with your CEO. Two birds with one stone, you guided Jungkook in their direction.

“Sunbaenim,” you bowed, greeting both of them.

“YN-ssi!” They bowed back, acknowledging you.

You introduce Jungkook to them, using his assumed name, and they exchange handshakes and pleasantries.

“Are you in finance, too?” Your CEO asks him after some small talk about the weather and the party.

“No. I’m in the hospitality business, actually. Client services, specifically,” Jungkook replied. You couldn’t help but shoot him a sideways look.

“Ah, I see. And how is business?”

“Very lucrative, actually,” Jungkook smirked and side-eyed you back, making you clear your throat sheepishly.

“Really?” He asked dubiously. “How so?”

“Well, I work for a private company that caters to a very specific yet virtually untapped market. Our clients pay top dollar to acquire our services and we’ve been very successful at it in the last few years.”

“Huh. That’s interesting. Which company is this again?”

“Le Groupe De L’Atelier,” he answered smoothly. “Have you heard of it?”

Your scalp prickles while you shift uncomfortably. Jungkook sounded as if he was winging this whole part of the conversation. You wanted to jump in but your director interrupted.

“Oh wow–” he breathed out, sounding impressed. “Your restaurant is very popular. I’ve uh–been wanting to get in touch with your CEO for a while. Any way you can put in a good word for me?” Your director asks opportunistically.

You grimaced. “Oh, director-nim–he’s not here to work,” you interject nervously while squeezing Jungkook’s arm.

“That’s okay, jagi,” Jungkook says sweetly. “Hyung gets a lot of partnership offers but he prefers to keep the corporation closed and limits contractors.”

Your director frowns. “Oh…surely he needs a good financial manager–”

“I believe he already has one,” Jungkook counters with a smile. “And he’s had a great working relationship with her over the years so, I think that’s taken care of.” That effectively ended that topic.

“Anyway,” Jungkook piped up, “Hyung has been looking into partnering with a local vineyard to expand our wine offerings. Do you have any suggestions?”

Your CEO’s eyes brighten and he begins to wax poetic about his newly purchased vineyard.

Jungkook glances at you and gives you a small wink, which makes you visibly relax. 

******

Next, you approached a group of other analysts from your team.

You went down the line and introduced your boyfriend. They shook his hand in awe and approval.

“See that guy over there?” You whispered to him, pointing towards your office rival on the other side of the room. He bent down, leaning his ear closer to you. “That’s Wonwoo. We’ve been gunning for the same promotion all year.”

Wonwoo was not as motivated or competitive as you were. He was technically a non-factor but you noticed that your boss had been meeting with him often to share some ‘tricks of the trade.’ You tried to think nothing of it but suddenly recalled your conversation with Miri not so long ago.

Wonwoo was married and he and his wife had a baby on the way. Picture-perfect family. 100% committed.

You took a gulp of your drink. All you need is just one huge, notable account–and that promotion should be yours.

“He looks pretty unremarkable to me,” he mumbled back before one of your colleagues brought up a new topic of conversation. Every now and then, with your consent, he would massage your neck or put his hand around your waist protectively. He also continued to call you ‘jagiya,’ but not in an obnoxious way. His actions made you giggle–which shocked you more than it did your colleagues. His touches felt like you were trapped in a heatwave…one that made you desperate for a cold shower.

At dinner, a steady stream of alcohol flowed along with the conversation. You scanned the table in search of clues to find out if anybody was onto you–perhaps a weird stare or some whispering. You didn’t see any of that. You and Jungkook seemed to be a very believable couple!

It also helped that he was incredibly charming and humble at the same time. He talked about his hobbies and varied interests which didn’t seem all that extraordinary to you but the entire table was enthralled by him.

For a moment, it felt like you were the envy of everyone not just at the table but the whole room. Jungkook was the date the women at your table wanted to be with. Every party guest and colleague you encountered wanted to be his friend. 

He was certainly a gentleman in every sense of the word. Earlier this evening, he opened doors for you, helped you with your coat, pulled your chair out, and with your consent, placed his hand on your leg or caressed your bare arm every so often.

You’d never know if he was a genuine guy or just a great actor. Still, it felt nice to be treated well and showered with affection.

******

After place settings were cleared out, everyone continued to mill around the party.

“I think things are going well, don’t you?” You asked Jungkook absently while you scanned the room for your next target.

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t be,” he replies smoothly.

You turned your head to regard him. “You know, you’re really good at this,” you complimented him. He kept up with conversations, even laughing politely at your coworkers’ bland jokes. He chimed in topics that seemed way out of left-field but he was always prepared with a quip or two.

“Me?” He points to himself incredulously. “Honestly, I feel like I haven’t done much except hang back and watch you. I just crack a couple jokes and talk about random stuff. You, on the other hand, are amazing at what you do. I’m starting to forget what you needed me for,” he joked.

“You have the charm factor! And…suddenly, I seem much more interesting to my coworkers now that I’m out in public with a date,” you remark with slight bitterness.

“You’re doing just fine, YN,” he says in consolation.

You inwardly groan. “Thanks,” you say sardonically. “Now I just need to find a big fish to reel in to look even more appealing. Once I do that, it should definitely give me a boost.”

You took a sip of your drink while you tensely scan the room again for other potential clients. Suddenly, you feel a warmth curl around your bare shoulders.

“Relax,” he crooned softly. He reached up slightly, stroking your earlobe and applied the faintest pressure with his thumb. “You’re too wound up,” he purred.

You peered up at him, his eyes boring into you, making your breath hitch and your mouth dry. When you pulled on your earlobes, it was a coping mechanism that helped center you; whereas he managed to turn it into foreplay.

“Feel better?”

Quite the opposite.

“Uhm,” you stammered hoarsely. “Sure…t-thanks.” You take a huge gulp of your drink to distract yourself again until you recognize someone familiar in the crowd.

“Oh! That’s Jessica Nam! Wow, she actually came,” you gasped in disbelief and turned to Jungkook.

The name didn’t ring a bell for him so he continued to stare blankly at you.

“S-sorry.” You apologized for expecting him to know a potential client. “Her e-commerce company’s valuation just hit a billion dollars,” you explained. “She just announced an expansion.”

He eyed her for a second, noticing that she was sitting at her table alone, not counting the two other guests who didn’t seem to notice her. She was sipping on her drink quietly, and texted on her phone, looking bored. If this woman was so rich, why wasn’t anybody crowding her, he wondered.

“Okay,” he takes your word for it. “But how come nobody’s trying to fleece her?”

You sighed softly. “Her company sells lingerie–via subscription.”

“Oh…and…that’s…a turnoff?” He asks slowly.

You clicked your teeth. “No. But she’s what my boss calls ‘new money.’ She started off as a social media personality who then capitalized on her base when she launched her business. And it worked to her advantage! I think she’s impressive.”

“And she doesn’t count as a potential big fish to reel in?”

“I feel that she is! It’s my boss who thinks she’s too new to the scene. Word on the street is that she’s shopping for a reputable wealth management firm. Our company invited her in an effort to reach out but…I don’t think my boss wants to put much effort in it. He’s doing the bare minimum.”

“Well, what do you want to do about it?” Jungkook turned to you.

“I’ve been wanting to schedule a meeting with her but I can never get through. She’s a busy woman.”

“What’s stopping you now? She’s right there! It’s not like she’s got armed guards or whatever.”

You sighed. “I technically need to have my boss present before going for a big account like that.”

Jungkook looked at you incredulously. “It’s a party! You’re just trying to make conversation! This might be the ace you need for your hand.”

“Hmm…” You hesitated. You knew the protocol. Your boss allowed you to speak to potential clients but usually under his direct orders. He always had to make the final, formal pitch and afterwards, sign the client with the company. You didn’t want to steal his thunder. Otherwise, it would compromise all of the schmoozing progress you’ve made this evening.

“Aish, screw your boss! You clearly respect this woman’s hustle–use that to your advantage! What’s the worst that could happen?”

You know what? Fuck it!

“You’re right,” you say, fully fired up by Jungkook. “I’m gonna go reel me a big fish!”

Together, you approached Ms. Nam, introducing yourself and your ‘boyfriend’. When it was his turn to shake her hand, he made eye contact with her and you could have sworn that she got a bit of whiplash.

Despite that, he kept himself calm and collected and was his usual gentlemanly self. While you made smalltalk with her, his eyes wandered towards the one side of the atrium–where he found your director eyeing your movements.

******

As you chat up your potential client about what your company can do for her, Jungkook excused himself to get you another drink. Your conversation was sounding a bit technical and he didn’t want to cramp your style.

On his way there, he passes your managing director, who was now joined by your company’s CEO, looking like they were having a casual conversation. He was fully intent on ignoring it but his ears perk up when he hears your name. He walked back slightly and hid behind one of the columns to listen in.

“Do you see YN making her move with the mail-order panty lady,” your director quipped, making the CEO chuckle.

“Well, her profits have been trending upward showing no signs of stopping,” your CEO remarked. “It would be great if we can sign her exclusively to manage her finances.”

“I trust YN to get the sales-talk going. Luckily, since she’s only a junior analyst. She has to defer to me to sign clients,” your director points out.

“You know, if she books this meeting, it will really raise our profile,” your CEO adds.

“I know–which is why, I’m thinking about bringing Wonwoo to the formal pitch. He can seal the deal on this. I’ve been mentoring him in the last couple months.”

“He’s planning on buying a house up north, right?” your CEO wondered out loud.

“He is,” your director confirms. “He and his wife are expecting their first kid–would be nice to get a nice commission to cover some of that downpayment, huh?”

“Yes, I think that’s a great idea,” your CEO bemused. “Keep me posted on that progress, huh?”

“I will, sunbaenim.”

Jungkook, forgetting about his bladder, decided to double-back to where you sat. This was something that he needed to let you know right away.

******

“I love your spunk, YN!” Jessica Nam laughs.

You were making great strides in your conversation with Miss Nam. If it were up to you, you’d draw up a contract on a cocktail napkin right this second to seal the deal.

“Seriously, though–that business expansion that you’re planning? I think it’s genius and it’s the next logical step!”

“It is, isn’t it?” She remarked. “And please, call me Jessi. ‘Miss Nam’ makes me feel way older than I need to be. Well–” she suddenly switched tact, “It does come in handy every now and then…especially during business meetings with male financial advisors,” she smiled ruefully. “It’s probably the only way I can garner respect.”

You sighed regretfully. “I’m sorry to hear that, Jessi.” She was young and became financially successful unconventionally. Unfortunately, some people only saw her as a bag of money.

“One of your staff has been relentless with my assistant. He’s leaving messages at my office, asking for a meeting. He said ‘hi’ earlier, made some boring smalltalk…” she craned her neck to look around before spotting him in one corner by the columns. “That guy!” She gestured at your boss.

“Oh,” you say, slightly embarrassed. “Yeah, he’s my managing director,” you replied carefully.

Feeling slightly suspicious, she cocked an eyebrow. “That’s…interesting,” she drawled.

However, you quickly added, “We don’t share the same principles, though, Jessi. I guarantee you that,” you assured her. “And if you give me an opportunity, I can give you a more formal presentation on what I think would be the best approach for your company. Much like your business, I don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all plan. I think that there should be something for everyone–something that fits you perfectly and makes you look and feel good.”

Her face visibly relaxed. “Hm…tell me more,” she uttered, her interest piqued.

******

Jungkook returns to your table as you chat away. He quietly presents you with a drink and hands a glass of wine to Jessica.

After you mouthed your thanks, you feel his hand squeeze your shoulder. You turned your head and he smiled warmly at you. You had to admit, it was endearing.

Jessica smiled at the silent exchange. “You two look so cute together,” she mused.

“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just the trophy boyfriend,” Jungkook jested. “It’s YN here who's the real diamond.” His thumb and forefinger grazed your earring, and moved to your earlobe.

Normally, you’d cringe at that but he was on a hot streak tonight. You had to admit, the compliment warmed your cheeks…among other things.

Jessica sipped on her drink, then sighed. “You’ve given me a lot of things to consider, YN.”

“I hope so, Jessi. And–” you paused to reach into your clutch for a business card then handed it to her. “I’d love for us to talk more. I’m available for questions, any day.”

She accepts your card and smiles. “You’ll hear from me soon, YN.”

Her tone sounded really promising. You think you’ve left a good impression. On that note, you excused yourself, not wanting to hover too much and just hoped for the best.

Resting his hand on the small of your back, you and Jungkook walk away. When you were out of earshot, he immediately said, “Listen, I need to tell you something important.”

******

You were absolutely livid after Jungkook told you about what he overheard your bosses saying about you. To avoid making a scene, he walks you out into the courtyard, to blow off some steam–away from the party.

“That is so fucked up!” You fumed.

“Wonwoo?!” You spat out. “Him?” You were incredulous. You were in the same cohort but he never operated on the same level as you did.

“I’ve been working my ass off for five years and how am I still nowhere near making senior analyst? It’s…” You shook your head, unclench your fists and let out a growl of frustration. “I have way more billable hours than Wonwoo! I work late all the fucking time; I am the first to volunteer for all of the firm’s charity shit…I should be the shoo-in here! Yet they’re picking him?” You raged.

“YN…”

You paced around and took several deep breaths to calm yourself. You still had a chance to salvage this. “You know what? I have to seal the deal with Jessica Nam and just do what I need to do…then it should be fine. It should be fine,” you repeated.

“You know, you say that word a lot.”

“What?” You say hastily.

“‘Should.’”

“Huh?” You were confused.

“Seems like you work your way through your career around the word ‘should.’ Do you ever notice that?”

“N-no. I don’t think…”

“The first time we met, you said, ‘This promotion should have happened last year;��� or if you pull this off, ‘it should show them’ that you deserve this. Then tonight, you said, you need to ‘do what you need to do then it should be fine’.”

That didn’t seem right. You couldn’t have been using the word that much.

“Do you always have an idea as to how things should go for you?” 

“Well, I do have goals,” you reasoned. “And I believe that if you continue to push hard, make the right connections, you shou–” You stopped yourself and pursed your lips immediately while he grinned, proving his point. 

“Fine!” You relented. “So I’m a little more determined than most people and I like to manifest things. It keeps me focused.” You then looked down at your palms. “Because if I don’t, I’ll just keep wandering around aimlessly. I’m not a fan of winging it!”

He gave you a sympathetic smile. “I get it. Some people like to believe that if they push hard enough, they can change things as opposed to accepting them as they are.”

You shifted your stance while you considered his comment.

“Have you ever wondered about what you would do if your ‘shoulds’ don’t work out? Would you be open to going about things differently?”

You opened your mouth tentatively to speak but truthfully, you didn’t know the answer to his question. You weren’t sure if you had an answer for it.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but coming from an outsider’s perspective? I don’t get why you’re trying so hard to get a seat at this table. A table that nobody seems to want to make room for you.”

You sighed in irritation. “It’s not supposed to be easy. It’s…it’s just the way things are,” you justified. “That’s how you filter the unworthy ones.”

He scoffed. “Just because they make it so, doesn’t mean that’s how it should be.”

You paused and stared at him as if he’d grown two extra heads.

“Why don’t you look for another table where they make you feel welcome? Or better yet, here’s a crazy idea–build your own table!”

The thought of you leaving and starting all over again–it was daunting. You had worked so hard, invested so much of your time and effort, making many sacrifices along the way.

“This is supposed to be the top company to work for! I’ve...given so much just to get to where I’m at…” You groan in frustration. “And I’m just supposed to walk away from all that?”

He nods, trying to understand your justification of the situation. “Okay, I got that part. Suppose this all works out and you manage to force your way into this promotion. What now? Do you think they’ll make things easier for you then?”

You didn’t know that for sure. You were already jumping through hoops at this point! Meanwhile, all Wonwoo had to do was be married, knock up his wife, and continue to half-ass his client calls. 

“I understand that some people need some form of validation–that’s an inherent human desire. But…you shouldn’t have to beg for it. If you think you’ve been doing great things this whole time– yet you still haven’t received that recognition that you know you rightfully deserve? Maybe it’s time to move onto some place where they appreciate you for who you are and what you do, instead of forcing you to conform to their righteous criteria.”

Somehow, in the back of your mind, you already knew this but you’ve been in denial. You didn’t need to prove your commitment to the company–that should have already been evident from the moment you broke the single-day contract signing record.

But those shoulds didn’t come through for you then. What difference would they make now?

“I know we haven’t known each other long but–I think you’re a badass! You’re a badass dwarfed by a bunch of dicks.”

That made you laugh.

“I’m serious! I’m not pulling your leg here. I think you can stand toe-to-toe with any one of those guys. It’s just that–this system has you set up for failure. They don’t think you could be great. And based on what I heard back there, they didn’t even think much about you at all!”

You got a sinking feeling–especially after your former colleague, Miri, left nearly two years ago. She didn’t seem like she held a grudge against the company but you suspected that she’d been shanked.

“I mean, obviously, you have final say on whatever you want to do. I’m fully aware of my place in this.”

“No, don’t say that.” you interjected softly.

He regarded you curiously.

“If there’s anything I learned from you tonight, it’s to not minimize myself. You should practice what you preach.“

He grinned at you. “There you go!”

You let out a long sigh. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

Jungkook nodded gently. “Do you still want to head back inside?” He asked softly.

“Yes, but only to say goodbye to a few people. After that, I think we should call it a night, if that’s okay with you?”

His eyes softened before bobbing his head for a nod. “I’m good with whatever you decide, YN.”

“Thank you.”

“After you,” he utters, stretching his hand out towards the pathway leading back into the atrium.

After saying goodbye to a few clients in attendance, you excused yourself, telling Jungkook that you needed to make one last stop in the ladies’ room before heading back to the parking lot to retrieve your car.

******

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were stalking me,” a female voice said.

You look up at the mirror in front of you to find Jessica Nam’s reflection as she washed her hands over the sink next to you.

“Jessi…hi!”

“Fancy seeing you here,” she joked. “Are you staying for the dancing?”

You laughed softly. “Oh, no…I’m actually going to call it a night.”

“That’s a shame. I really enjoyed our conversation this evening. Most exciting one I’ve had in a while. Now I have to deal with all of these stiffs for the rest of the night. Your boss was not-so-subtly hovering and making inappropriate jokes,” she jested. “Maybe I should take that as a sign to take my leave, too.”

“I’m…sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t worry, YN. You don’t need to apologize for anything.” she smiled. “Well, anyway,” she sighed while she wiped her hands with paper towels. “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier and I’ve decided that–I would love to sit down and talk more–say…at my office?”

Your jaw nearly drops to the floor in shock. “Uhm–uh…wow. Yes…yes! Thank you!” Your mind started to race. This was a huge opportunity for you.

“You can reach me here.” She hands you her business card. “I’m usually in the office during the week but if I’m not, my assistant will set up a schedule for us to meet. I’ll give her your name so she knows to pencil you in right away.”

You nearly squeal in excitement as you accepted her card.

“On one condition though,” she cautioned.

“Name it,” you replied instantly.

“I want you to be my point of contact,” she stated firmly.

Some analysts, like yourself, were experienced enough to talk to clients directly, answering their questions and handling minor issues so the managing directors would be free to work on bringing in more business. You did the grunt work while your bosses took all the glory. Still…protocol was protocol.

“Jessi–” you faltered, “My boss usually handles all of the client negotiations and I’m not sure if I have the authority to–”

Her expression unyielding, she waved her hand in mid-air to swat your excuses. “Then get the authority! Your boss is condescending and a complete asshole. You’re smart, ambitious, and unafraid to take risks. It’s either you or I walk away.” She shrugged.

Your cheeks warmed at her compliments. It was great to watch another woman beat the odds and succeed in the most unconventional way.

“Okay, I’ll be your point of contact,” you answered. It was too good a deal to pass up. You’d handle the consequences later.

“Good,” she grinned triumphantly.

“I’m really looking forward to our partnership, Jessi. You won’t regret it,” you said, holding your hand out. She took it and squeezed firmly.

“I don’t think I will,” she replied.

When you both exited from the ladies’ room, you found Jungkook scrolling through his phone. He spots you out of the corner of his eye and looks up to see an awestruck look on your face while you watch Jessica Nam walk out of the venue and into her waiting car at the front.

“Hey–everything okay in there?”

“Y-yeah. Uhm…I think that I just landed a deal with Jessica Nam,” you choked out in disbelief.

“That’s awesome!” He exclaimed. “Congratulations!”

“No, no–don’t congratulate me yet. Not until we’ve drawn up contracts and everything.”

“Yeah but isn’t that all just a formality?”

“I mean…I guess? Holy shit!” You breathed out, laughing.

“Nice, YN. You should savor it!” He was right. You should savor it!

******

Once you were back at the parking lot, he got out of the car and made his way around to open the passenger side. He offered his hand, which you held onto for support as you stepped out.

You unlocked your car, put your coat in the backseat and retrieved a pair of flats to switch out your stilettos.

When you were done, you leaned against the side of your car, and found that he had also shed his jacket and was now loosening his bowtie so he could undo the top button of his shirt. 

Then he pulled his cufflinks off, pocketing them before he shut the passenger door. He was rolling up his sleeves when he turned to face you, mirroring your posture against his car.

He looked much more relaxed after all that while you, on the other hand, became unreasonably all wound up. 

Crossing his arms over his chest, he asks, “Are you good?”

That zapped you back into reality. You nodded absently. “Yeah, I’m good,” you sighed.

“Sorry if things didn’t work out as you had planned,” he expressed regretfully.

“On the contrary–I think they worked out for the better,” you quipped.

He smiled broadly. “Where do you go from here?”

You lifted a shoulder. It was going to be difficult starting over again but–the great thing about it was that you had options.

“I’m taking my talents someplace else,” you say simply, alluding to Mira’s offer.

“Not that my opinion matters but I think that’ll be good for you.”

You mouthed your thanks. “So…where are you headed after this?” You ask him.

“Probably home. I was going to take another date but since we weren’t quite done, I turned it down.”

You gasped, realizing that you had gone way past your original time limit. “Oh gosh–I’m sor–”

He waved his hand, not making a big deal out of it. “It’s alright. So we went over an hour,” he shrugged noncommittally. 

Mortified, you tried to rectify your oversight. “No, no, I’d feel bad. I can add more–”

He shook his head. “That really won’t be necessary, YN. As long as you got what you needed?”

You nodded earnestly. “I did! And I can’t help thinking that I owe you in some way…not just for the extra hour but in general.”

“Nah,” he chuckled softly. “I didn’t do anything. I just stood there and watched you work. It was all you.”

“Yes, but without your prompting, I never would have realized some things. You know, since I was always focused on the ‘shoulds’ instead of the ‘coulds’,” you say, thinking back to your initial conversation. “So…thank you,” you say graciously, since you couldn’t think of any other way to express your gratitude.

“You’re welcome.” He pushed off his car, straightened out, took a step closer and stretched his hand out towards you. “I hope that you were satisfied with your experience?”

You smiled, clasping your hands with his. “I was.”

Then he turned wistful. “Does this mean that this is the last time I’m ever going to see you?”

You gave him a rueful smile. “I think so.”

He hummed, releasing you from his hold to slide his hands in his pocket and rocked back on his heels. “That’s a shame. I really liked spending time with you.”

You raised a quizzical eyebrow at him. “Do you say that to all of your clients?”

“Yes,” he replies candidly, with a little chuckle.

You laughed. “Thanks for not lying on my account.”

“That aside, I will say that you’re going to be one of my more memorable clients. And uh…If you ever want to talk or hang out and grab a drink somewhere–as friends,” he emphasized, “Just let me know.”

“I might take you up on that,” you answered in all sincerity.

You’d never met anybody like him. His lack of complication was fascinating to you. It was refreshing.

This evening, your chemistry felt so natural that you had moments where you forgot that you hired him to pretend to be in love with you. You didn’t know for certain if it was the alcohol, the boost of confidence that he gave you, or the fact that he was this unattainable fantasy–but you found yourself to be in love, too…just for tonight.

Nevertheless, beneath those big, round eyes of his was a dose of reality. It didn’t make you feel bitter thinking that you would never find someone exactly like him in the real world. He made you realize that even though you should not settle for anything less, you could still consider a compromise–one that would make you and your potential partner happy.

“I’m not forcing you to, though. The choice is always yours, as it should be,” he grinned.

You stare at him silently for a few seconds–and he stares back. As safe and assuring this look made you feel before, the longer he did it, the more intense that look got. Before you knew it, it felt as if he was undressing you on the spot.

After some hesitation, you wondered, “Can I try something?”

“Sure,” he replies.

You straightened out and moved closer to him, making his eyebrow quirk in anticipation of what you would do next. The last thing you see is him closing his eyes as you tilted your chin up to press your lips to his.

Although tentative at first, you opened your mouth slightly. Instinctively, his lips moved in perfect synchronicity with yours. You felt a tingle in the pit of your stomach when you felt his hand cup your jaw while your lips continued to explore each other’s mouths.

You finally found the strength to pull away from him, which left you breathless and slightly off-balance.

“Huh,” you say with your eyebrows raised and forehead creased.

His face falters a little at your seemingly unimpressed reaction. “Was that not good for you?” He asks slowly.

“Oh–it was good. Really good.” Your mind is buzzing, heat pooling between your legs.

You watched his tongue graze his lower lip before his right pointer finger slowly reached over to push some errant strands of hair away from your forehead. “I can show you exactly how good it could be.”

For a second, you actually considered it. He was great company and you had fun tonight…not to mention that he was also really hot.

“I can get a room for us at the hotel a couple blocks away from here.” Then, he leaned in and lowered his voice to your ear. “Off the clock.”

You had to admit, it was extremely tempting. It was all part of the service: the companionship, the fantasy, and mind-blowing sex designed to specifically please you…with no strings attached!

And why were you second-guessing this again?

But something within you thought that if you took him up on his offer, you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself. A fantasy— no matter how enticing— was still a fantasy.

“You know what?” You stepped back slightly, clearing your throat nervously, “It’s just not what I need right now. I had a really great time with you and…I think we should leave at that,” you say as respectfully as possible.

He smiled, unperturbed. “I thought it was worth a shot,” he shrugged. “You never know!”

You groaned inwardly. “Trust me…it was not an easy decision.” You clutched your keys tighter while that ache between your thighs turned excruciating. You had to be logical about this.

“Can we at least hug it out?”

You laughed softly. “Of course!” You stepped into his waiting arms and he gave you a gentle squeeze. You had a fantastic time with him and he fulfilled the task that you had hired him for. In turn, he opened your eyes to what you’ve been missing this whole time–your worth.

“Don’t be a stranger, hm?” He mumbles into your ear.

You unlocked your car and opened the door. Before sliding in, you turn to him one last time. “Thank you for…everything, really.”

“You’re welcome. And don’t forget that you’re pretty awesome, too. You just have to believe in it more.”

******

“Oh and don’t forget, you have lunch with Jessi Nam in an hour.”

You look up and acknowledge your assistant, who sat across from your new desk in your new office, at Miri Jang’s firm. After the party, you put in your two weeks and gathered your things, taking with you a couple of notable clients–one of them, Jessica Nam.

“Thanks, Kai. I can’t miss that!”

He smiled. “And Cristina in Legal just sent over the final draft of the Nam contract. It’s all worked out and ready for her signature when you bring it to the meeting.”

“Perfect!” you remarked. “That’ll be all, Kai. Thanks again.”

When he steps out, you lean back against your seat and stare out your window.

It’s been over two weeks since you last saw Jungkook. Every now and then, you’d miss him…but it was more the idea of your date. The constant physical contact, being extra-attentive, complimenting you without sounding patronizing. And even the little things like, calling you ‘jagi’ or simply leaning in closer to listen to what you have to say.

Was it nice having the perfect boyfriend for a night? Of course!

Would you ever do it again? Highly unlikely.

Then again, it’s not like you canceled your membership so…never say 'never'.

You’ve reached the end! Thank you so much for reading!

If you loved it, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn’t like it so much, I would still like to hear about it. Help me become a better writer! 💜

Tagging: @internetjunkdrawer @deepseavibez @itdoesntmatterwhy @effielumiere @yoongukie-ff @miksancheese

[stormblessed95]

Hi stormy

Your blog is highly appreciated, love you

I am a butter era army which makes me fairly new but right from the get go i got hooked onto jikook and i am 90% percent sure, from my end, they are a thing. I mostly watch original content and dont get myself into too much edited clips cause i dont want anything but logic and my own opinion to base off of when it comes to judging jikook's action so when i watch content i enjoy ot7 but mostly concentrate on jikook. Recently though, i saw something that just made think twice about yoomin.( i know about most of the other ships or atleast the most popular ones and i personally disagree with any of them being romantic) Now my question is what is the thing that made you think that jikook is the ship which is romantic over yoomin cause seeing how much yoongi genuinely adores jimin and has something towards him that i personally cant see any other member have that just make me doubt that its just based from platonic feelings especially that yoongi is one of the more queer members as in how he answers questions about relationships and of course his lyrics. What i mean is yoongi has expressed his feelings in many ways and out right favoured jimin in almost everything he does. Yoongi is loving and caring to all the other members but jimin is just something else for and he says it out loud.

Other than the gcf, rosebowl, jungkook birthday trip from paris and the known off time jikook spend together. What makes you definitely think that yoongi and jimin aren't the ones romanticly together.

Ps i can definitely say that i am almost done with your masterlist. LOVE YOUR BLOG

Thank you for your hard work

Not you asking me to disprove YoonMin anon! Lol here is my thing, I don't like doing ship comparisons really. For me, the difference is crystal clear. And nothing any other duo has done has made me think something more might be happening there, not really. I talk about this a little bit in a similar ask someone sent about minimoni, and most of my points there about why I see KM as different still stand, so instead of retyping those points, I'll link you there:

I also stand by what I said there too, its easy to get into nitty gritty types of conversations over DMs. I won't lie and pretend like I'm not SUPER curious over which YoonMin moment made you think twice over them and think maybe there might be something there. If you feel like coming back and telling me, I'm all ears and we can talk about that particular moment too!

I'm not sure if you've read my yoonmin dynamics post yet, but it should be clear that I agree with you, if Yoongi had a bias it's Jimin. J-hope is right up there though too. Yoongi loves Jimin, he feels comfortable around Jimin. While Yoongi can and does get affectionate with everyone... Jimin, J-hope and occasionally Jin, are the only ones that he tends to actively seek out affection from. Teasingly or otherwise. Jimin called him his baby for a reason. Lol and Jimin loves spending time with, hanging out with and being around Yoongi. For sure. And musically, Jimin is for sure Yoongi's bias. Lol he has always been very very vocal about how much he loves Jimin's voice and his style and how it matches well with HIS style. But a bias towards one of his best friends, does not mean a romantic interest. Yoongi seeks that affection out from Hobi too. They don't have an exclusivity to their relationship like KM tend to have. Every duo has a relationship that is unique to them, but there are boundaries that only KM seem to not have with each other that the others do have, no matter how odd or weird or small those boundaries may be.

My Jikooks dynamics post covers the majority of the reasons why I believe Jikook to be romantic. Their bond just goes deeper. And honestly, like if we are for real truly honest here. Even if Jimin and Jungkook are not a couple, if they are just insanely close best friends who flirt and get intimate or whatever you want to call them. Any other "ship" that involves them could not be true. Or at least, it cannot be true and be monogamous. Jimin cannot be dating Yoongi and be giving Jungkook hickeys, he cannot be dating him but spending all his free time with Jk, among other things. He can't be dating Yoongi, and then look at JK not with just fondness or admiration, but like he hung the freaking moon and stars in the sky just for him. Jimin MELTS for Jungkook in ways he doesn't for anyone else. He nurtures his relationships with every members very very well, he does a great job, but he flirts intentionly with JK in ways he doesn't with any of the others.... so again, how can he do these things, and be dating someone else? This doesn't necessarily mean FOR 100% that Jikook have to be a couple, but unless they are poly or in an open relationship.... Jimin and Jungkook cannot be dating anyone else and get away with behaving the way they do together, regardless of what their relationship status might be. Yoonmin love each other, they are not each other's priorities though. Jikook are each other's priorities in many ways. At least, that's how I see it.

This was fairly vague I think, but if there are any specific moments with Yoonmin or with Jikook that you want me to talk about, please feel free to send in another ask! I'll turn anons back on soon, I just have a couple more asks to get through. I hope this helped explain things at least a little bit though from my point of view. You are all of course entitled to your own opinions over the matter too. Thanks for ask 💜

[lstories]

Emma and Gaudi(um)

(Safe, Soft, Unwilling, Vore, accidental fearplay.)

Original idea by @mangotangovoredango. I just put my own spin on it and used my own oc's

"Owww." Emma woke up, her back was killing her. "Every God damn night." She muttered to herself still half asleep, she tried to grab one of the blankets to cover herself and fall back asleep as the morning sun crept in. She flailed her arms to no avail, looking down to the foot of her bed Emma realized she had kicked off all her blankets trying to get comfortable in her sleep... again. Every night was the same, waking up in weird positions and her muscles aching from working and resting. She didn't have to work, she didn't have to do anything. She was the CEO of a nationwide electronics/shopping chain and didn't have to work in store but, she wanted to help more than shoot ads and work as a telephone line between the board of directors. She still had to work as the CEO while also working in store and it was starting to catch up to her.

She didn't want to fall into the category of not having to work a day in her life so she worked retail in her own company. After laying in bed for almost an hour, waiting for the alarm to get her out of bed she was not expecting a knock at the door to be the thing to fully wake her up. "Why is anyone out here, and why right before work." She thought starting to sit up. Putting her slippers on. Emma lazily walked over to the front doors. She wasn't expecting anyone and she lived a few miles out of town so nobody should be here. "Hey! I told you this was her house." Emma could recognize the voice immediately without needing to see their face. A few of her work friends stopped by with a car parked out front. That would be great if she didn't have to take a shift in an hour. "Hi, work starts in an hour, what are you doing here?" Emma said trying to sound as awake as she could. "You signed up for the carpool, remember? It was a four person pool and you signed up as the third person in ours. Also why aren't you ready for work yet." Hope said, a bit confused and concerned.

Emma started to remember, she just thought it was another paper for her to sign and now the pictures started to make more since. She didn't want to let her friends down so maybe a week would be ok before she stopped to not hurt their feelings. "I... guess it just slipped my mind, I'll get dressed really quick." Emma said closing the door and walking back to her room. "MAKE IT QUICK, WE GOTTA BE THERE SOON!" Paige yelled threw the closed door. Emma started to get dressed as quickly as she could. Stoping only to grab a small tied bundle of physical cash she put into a side pocket in her purse. She was still so tired, she couldn't keep going to work with how she's been sleeping, mostly less than an hour or two a night. She also refused to drink coffee, it was too bitter and it only made her feel even worse after a while. She walked out the door, just barely remembering to lock it as Paige basically dragged her to the car. "WE GOTA GO NOW!" She yelled as Hope started to drive off before Emma could put her seatbelt on.

"What is your rush, we have over an hour and a half before work starts." Emma said finally getting her seatbelt on. "No, it starts in half an hour and we're 10 miles away AND we have to pick someone else up!" Paige said as she frantically looked threw map and clock apps. Emma couldn't help but peek over the seat and look at her phone, and then she realized something. "You remembered daylight savings, right?" Emma said tiredly, showing her phone to Paige. She looked at the time on her phone, then the time on Emma's phone, back and forth until editing her time. "My time was off." She quietly said. Hope started to laugh her ass off. "Looks like we'll be able to stop and get coffee too." Hope said as her laughter started to die down. "Oh... cool." Emma said, a little annoyed that she couldn't go back to sleep for this. She tried to drift off, her head resting into the soft cushion. She almost fell asleep until the car stopped and another person got in the car. The briefcase they were carrying hit Emma in the legs and she winced in pain. "What the, why's there a forth person. Who... Faith?" Emma exclaimed rubbing the side of her leg that was hit by the briefcase.

"Oh, sorry Emma. Were running late and looks bad when the manager shows up last." Emma slightly glanced at her, annoyed that she couldn't sleep. "Did you-" Emma tried to talk before she was interrupted by Paige. "Daylight savings was last week and we were late but Emma showed me that my clock was fast and now were heading to the coffee shop because were early, is your clock fast?" Paige said. She didn't seem to need to breath when she talked. "Oh, I guess it is. That's embarrassing. Where are we going for coffee?" Faith asked as she started to settle down. Emma couldn't believe it, this was the first day of the car pool she didn't remember signing up for. They were uncoordinated and didn't plan for time, and she wouldn't expect anything less from her friends. "Theres a coffee shop on the corner and the new guy there makes amazing drinks. Should we go there?" Hope said, turning the corner before anyone could answer. "Guess that's a yes." Emma said under her breath. They all talked and waited in line and Emma just tried not to fall over. "Hi, what can I get ya." Gaudi exclaimed. "Hey your the new barista that Hope has been talking about, didn't you just move here because the old coffee shop you worked for closed and you were transferred here because you were so good and did you know Amy she was a regular there." Paige said, a giddy smile on her face and no falter in her breath. "Like a walking plot machine." Emma said under her breath. Gaudi slightly laughed at it, but no one else heard it. No one was supposed to hear it, she knew she said it quietly enough so nobody could hear it, let alone someone on the other side of a glass pain while she was in the back of a crowd.

"Ya, I knew Amy. She always got a hot chocolate instead of something caffeinated." Gaudi said, his face going from concerned back to chipper in an instant. "Anyway, what can I get you all?" He said. Everyone ordered their cups and last was Emma to order. She had never ordered coffee before and she didn't want to start now. "I heard something about hot chocolate, could I just get that." Emma said, her eyes were too heavy to hold open for very long. "Its not my specialty but I can load it with sugar if that's going to help you threw the day." Gaudi said, slightly laughing. "If can get me threw the day I might come back tomorrow." Emma said, placing 100$ on the counter. "You can keep the change." She said walking back to her friends. Gaudi was shocked, he looked at it and back at her. He wanted to make her drink perfectly, would it be so selfish to use a bit of magic to help her and himself. She seemed nice and she was cute so why not have her around sometimes, and maybe she might give him another big tip someday. He started to work on all their drinks, once he got to Emma's drink he made it as normal before lightly scratching something into the side of the cup. Emma couldn't stop looking back at him, there was something about him that she couldn't shake. It wasn't bad but she didn't trust it.

"Here you go everyone, and we hope you come back soon." Gaudi said while handing everyone their cups. Emma took one sip and immediately her entire body seemed to wake up. It was super sweet and she took another sip. Once she finished she felt like she had slept an entire day. When Gaudi wasn't making anything or helping anyone Emma came up to talk to him.

"What did you put in my drink? I haven't felt this awake in months."

"Magic."

"You put magic in my drink?"

"Ya, a small awakening spell."

"Come on, what did you put in it. I need to put it in my own drinks at home."

"If you won't accept magic then it's my personal secret."

"So you want me to come here every day to get your drink."

"I'd be able to see you every day and that would be nice."

"You want to see me? Can't tell if that's flirty or stalkerish."

"Well you said you would come back if the drink woke you up."

Emma started to talk once again before getting cut off. "We gotta go now, work actually starts soon." Hope said walking out the door with the others. Emma walked away without saying anything, trying to catch up to her friends. "Guess I'll see you tomarow then." Gaudi said with his head on his hand and a big grin on his face. Emma spun around, her cheeks were slightly red. She was about to say something before turning around and following her friends out. They all got into the car, everyone was eerily quiet. Emma had one last glance at Gaudi threw the window, he was helping a customer and was able to slightly glance back at Emma for just a second before Hope drove away. "So... You like him, don't you?" Faith said looking over at Emma. "No. Quiet, I'll fire you if you dont be quiet." Emma said, her cheeks brightening. "You do, you think we didn't notice." "Of course you do, and I think he likes you." They kept talking about how cute it would be if they were together, Emma just buried her head in her hands until they got to work.

Timeskip: Next Day

"Ugh" Emma's back was killing her... again. This time she had to get up even earlier for the car pool. She got up, got dressed, and waited outside for her friends. Her mind started to wander, she thought about what would happen at work, what the board of directors would be arguing about and all that. Then she started to remember what happened yesterday, Gaudi, the drinks, her friends, and how they would probably bring her back there. Oh and speak of the devil's, her friends pulled up at that moment. She lazily got into the back seat and they drove off, Hope and Paige were talking about her. "You were more productive yesterday and you seemed happier." "Maybe its because of the new barista." They kept pestering her about it. Soon they picked up Faith and she joined in, joking about her and the new barista. Not even five minutes later and they were at the coffee shop. They all gave their orders, leaving Emma to talk to Gaudi at the other counter.

"So, your back."

"I said I would be."

"Well, what can I get you today."

"Another hot chocolate."

"Will do."

Gaudi got to work making her drink, once she sat down he put another scratch into the side of her cup, covering it with the sleeve. Emma took a sip, her body started to wake again. If it kept waking her back up she was going to come here every day without complaint, other than her friends annoying her. They all talked, Emma actually able to commit to the conversation now. Before they left Emma put 200$ in the tip jar, smiling at Gaudi on her way out.

Timeskip + Brief Summary: 4 months later

Emma continued to go nearly every day. She stopped going in the car pool after a while but still met up with her friends there. She gave a sizable tip to Gaudi almost every day, but his coworkers were starting to get annoyed. She experimented with the drink, staying up for almost two full weeks with no sleep and no repercussions. She kept wondering and pestering Gaudi what he put in her drink but she never got an answer more than "magic". They started to get to know each other more, eventually Gaudi got her number and they watched a movie at her house. He was amazed at how big her house was, he didn't believe it when he saw it. Eventually, Emma had to go on a business trip and couldn't take Gaudi with her.;

Gaudi was glad the day was over. His shift was getting long and he just wanted to get home, well, as much of a home as it was. Working at a coffee shop didn't pay much, Emma's tips did help but it wasn't enough to buy a house. He walked down his normal route to home, letting his mind wander on the day. He was sad that Emma had to leave today but she told him what it was for and it made enough sense. He only had to wait 2 more weeks before she would be back and they could watch another movie or something. He walked threw a back alleyway, and into the nearby forest. It didn't take more than 30 minutes to walk to the small clearing in the forest. He could feel his wings and tail getting restless, whenever he turned into a human all of his draconic features turned into a shadow of what they were. He could still feel his tail, wings, the horns on his back, etc. They weren't invisible, but they weren't not there. Either way they needed to move, every night he turned back to a dragon to sleep and he never needed to worry about someone seeing him because they believed that there was a monster in the forest. He was a little bit sad though, his friends were getting mad that he was getting huge tips from a single customer. They all split the tips so he didn't understand why they were mad. He didn't really think on it too long before falling asleep, surrounded by his collected "treasures".

Timeskip: next day (again)

Emma couldn't belive how boring this was. She thought this work trip would be a little more fun but it was just signing more papers and agreeing with the board of directors and signing off with the marketing department. She wanted to leave and go back home, even being with her family would be more entertaining than this. She did read that 2 people went missing on the same day in her home town and that would be fun to look into. If she did have to go threw this, she wasn't going to do it tired. She called Gaudi, his phone rang for a few seconds before he picked up.

"Hey Gaudi"

"Hi, how are you"

"I was wondering if you could tell me how to make the drink, everything is so boring and I'm to tired to deal with anything."

"You know I can't tell you how to make it, it's my secret."

"Come on, how long have we known each other."

"Long enough to say that I will tell you someday, but i can't today."

His voice sounded broken and sad, she couldn't see him but she knew that he wasn't happy. He was always happy about something so this was different.

"Are you ok, you dont sound too good."

"Oh... ya, dont worry. Everything's fine."

"Well, ok. See you when I get home."

Emma couldn't stop thinking about what might have happened to Gaudi. He was never sad, he always seemed to be happy about something so hearing him like that worried her. This was going to be a long trip if she couldn't stop thinking about it.

(Before the call) Gaudi walked back to his work, he was always the first there to open shop. He never had any trouble before and he always did everything right, if he got fired he wouldn't know where to go other than back home. Once he got inside he unlocked the doors and started to turn on the heaters for the drinks. Soon enough his colleagues started to come in. They were all staring at him and watching the windows, eventually the boss came in and called Gaudi into his office. He started to get worried, the boss only ever called someone into his office if something was wrong. He sat down on the other side of the boss' desk, his leg shaking. "Gaudi, your track record and work ethics are astounding, but we've been getting complaints about you." The manager said, his face still as uncaring as when Gaudi first saw him. "Who put in the complaints?" Gaudi chocked out, his throat felt swollen. He feared the worst from what his boss would say, he didn't know why but he knew that something bad was about to happen. "Your coworkers have all been complaining about you, that you haven't been working as hard and that you have been fraternizing with a customer. We are sorry to say this but were letting you go. By signing this form you will be given a full year's pay as compensation if you leave today." He said. Gaudi's mind raced at this, where he would go, what he would do, how he would explain why he had to leave to the only friend he had here. His mind went darker and he wanted to turn into his dragon self and bat the manager around, like a cat and a ball of yarn. It wouldn't be hard and the manager did resemble a ball.

"Yes, I'm sorry sir and have a good day." Gaudi said sadly, signing the papers while holding back tears. He walked out a few of his former colleagues were smiling at him as he walked outside while the others didn't seem to care. He walked home finally laying down defeated, on the verge of tears when his phone rang. It was Emma, he didn't want to talk to her despite her probably being the only thing able cheer him up right now. He answered after letting his voice return to normal and calming down a bit. He didn't want to worry her so he wouldn't say anything about his job right now. He reassured her that everything was fine but still couldn't explain how her drink worked yet, especially over the phone.

Timeskip + brief summary: 3 weeks

Emma got threw the excruciating 2 weeks of mindless board meeting and peptalks to a camera. Once that was over, she reunited with her family for a week. Her youngest brother had finally made a friend and she believed she saw a dragon at the edge of the forest her brother was running to. She tried to stop him and ran after him only to find his new friend with cutout of a dragon and a flashlight. He did seem a bit confused while he was holding them tho. Gaudi was miserable, still sad over losing his job. Sitting in the parks most days to feed off the joy of people walking in the park. He started to use it more as a drug than a food source at this point. He couldn't stop himself, until he got a call from Emma.;

Emma got up from her seat, tiredly stumbling off the plane. A limo pulled in next to the private jet and the 2 other people on the plane started carrying bags from the plane to the limo. Emma got in, trying to go back to sleep. Eventually the limo started moving, jolting Emma back to consciousness and the man driving it started to talk. "Where should I take you mam." Emma tiredly mumbled to him before showing him the address of the coffee shop Gaudi worked at. After a few minutes of driving they arrived, Emma got out of the limo and stumbled into the coffee shop looking for Gaudi. After a bit of waiting she walked over to one of the counters, the persons face was ecstatic that she was walking over.

"Hi, how can I help you."

"Is Gaudi here today?"

Their face slumped a little in disappoint when they heard that the rich CEO that gave out hundreds of dollars in tips was asking for a specific barista.

"Gaudi? He was fired almost 3 weeks ago."

"What! He didn't tell me he was fired."

"Ya, he was fired a few days after you stopped coming in. Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, I'm leaving."

Emma walked out, getting back into the limo and driving off. She called Gaudi to ask where he was. It took a while for him to pick up. He told her he was at the park and she immediately started to head down there. It didn't take long for Emma to find him but his usual smile was replaced by a cold frown. For the first time ever she saw Gaudi sad. It started to break her heart and she walked over, sitting next to him on the grass.

"So you were fired?"

"Yep."

"And you didn't tell me? I talked to one of your colleagues and he said it was the same day I called awsking for your drink recipe."

"Auctly, it was after I was fired. I just didn't want you to worry."

A tear started well in Emma's eyes, rushing in for a hug. She was able to force herself from crying, and she saw the smile return to Gaudi's face. He couldn't hold back his tears as he returned the hug, he felt a wave of emotions wash over him.

"I... I have to leave soon, I just wanted to stay and say goodbye to you."

"What! No, you can't leave. Why are you leaving?"

"I wanted to get away from my family, to live my own life and now that I'm out of a job I need to go back."

"Wait, because you dont have a job you have to go back home? What if I hire you."

"For what? I was fired from the only thing I'm good at."

"That's it. You could be a personal at home barista. It would pay your what your monthly salary of your last job daily, you would have a new place to stay, and you wouldn't have to go home. You could stay with me, here."

"You would do that?"

"I could print the documents in the limo and we could hire a moving team to get everything from your home."

"I don't own a house."

"Your appartment?"

"Nope."

"Where have you been living?"

"In the forest neer the lake."

"You've been... what did you have, is there anything you need to pick up?"

"Nothing important."

"Do you just want to go home?"

"I could make you your drink."

"Or we could finish watching the movie series we started."

"That would be nice."

After a few silent minutes they eventually got up from where they were sitting, Emma had forgotten how tired she was. The adrenaline she had from needing to help her friend was enough to forget she hadn't slept for the past few days. Gaudi sat down next to her, some tears still pooling in the bottom of his eyes. She typed away on the computer she had in the car until they got to her house, Gaudi silently watching the entire time. When they got home she printed out the papers and Gaudi signed them. Emma showed him his new room, it was massive, deffenetly big enough for him to sleep in his dragon form. She showed him where the supplies he would be using were until she could get a full side bar set up somewhere. Gaudi immediately began to work on a quick drink for Emma, the soothing taste and the quick energy fix was needed. Soon the day came to an end, he had unpacked the one bag he was going to use to bring his minor belongings home. Emma had put on a movie in the private theater in her house. Soon a scene came on, a monster showing it's true form to their friend with them immediately accepting the monster as they had known each other. Gaudi couldn't help but want to tell Emma. Gaudi stood up from his seat and motioned Emma to follow him. She followed Gaudi into the front yard of her house. She didn't know what was going on but she thought it was going to be fun.

"So the monster scene that was just on in there, this is kinda that. I'm... I know its weard but I'm... I've wanted to say this for a while that... I know what im trying to say here."

Gaudi kept getting caught up in his words, wanting to just show her. Emma was confused but more happy than anything, it was cute.

"Ok, I'm just going to show you, but I want you to know that I really like you and that I would never do anything to hurt you and I will only ever try to protect you."

She didn't know what he was talking about but it didn't really matter, but her calm face soon went from calm and happy to horrified in just a few seconds. Gaudi's skin started to shift and ridges soon formed, and those into scales. His limbs started to extend as his clothes started to undergo the same process as his skin. Wings and a tail started to form from nothing and grow with him. And in a matter of seconds, a full dragon stood in front of Emma, the dragon of Joy. His pink scales glistened in the moon light. Gaudi fell onto all fours, accidentally shaking the ground with his weight. Emma instinctively took a step back, her face only held one emotion, fear. She was to afraid to move, her muscles were frozen and her heart was racing. Gaudi, tried to keep his smile, but his face was burning with worrie and confusion. Emma took a step back towards the house and Gaudi's instincts started to kick in. He lowered his back closer to the ground as if to pounce on Emma while his face stayed the same. They stood in silence studying each other for a few seconds. Emma made the first move, running toward the front door to get to the safety of her home.

Gaudi jumped, missing the door and jumping past her, trying to reach out his claws to stop her from entering the house. He tried to tell her to wait but she ran threw the door without listening. Emma grabbed her phone and started to unlock it as Gaudi reached threw the open doors and grabbed her. She screamed as a claw came up and flicked the phone out of her hands. He gently pulled her out of the house, holding her in front of him so they could talk. She was punching at his claws, screaming and begging to be let go, trying everything to get away. Gaudi knew she was making to much noise, trying to calm her down. "Please, I'm not going to hurt you. You wanted to know how I make the drink and I told you, magic, It's ok, your safe just please be a little quieter for just a minute so I can explain. " Emma kept screaming for help, her voice barely able to travel to the nearest house. Gaudi kept trying to reassure her that everything was fine when something caught his eye. The neighbors light a ways down the road turned on as a silhouette walked near the blinds. Gaudi ducked between the house and the lake as Emma kept screaming. There was a scene in a older movie that had a monster eating something whole and making it completely silent. He had swallowed a few squirrels and birds when he was younger and put them in his storage stomach to transport them so his mother who could heal them but nothing as big as a human. With a sorry look on his face he shoved Emma into his open maw, making sure not to hit his teeth. He gulped again and again, the sound of Emma's pleas getting quieter and quieter. The taste of chocolate was so strong and he couldn't help but let out a sigh, his eyes widened as he did. He forced himself to gulp faster to stop it from happening again. Eventually her head reached his stomach, a thin shallow liquid pooling at the bottom, covering her already drool covered face. Gaudi closed his mouth, one final powerful gulp and he let gravity do the rest of the work. Gaudi held his throat high, he let out a sigh as his stomach started to expand, a tear started to well in his eyes as he thought about what he had done. His ate his only friend who helped him stay away from his family, and it felt amazing. He knew it was safe but he didn't know if Emma knew, he wanted to help her but he didn't know how. Emma slowly slid into his stomach, the mussels of his throat and stomach started to crush her and she had to pull herself into a ball. After a few seconds of contemplation she started kicking the walls of his stomach and stretching as far as she could when she was fully in. She begged him to let her out, offering money and whatever else, she was fully crying and hearing her cry started to make Gaudi cry.

She couldn't believe it, her friend, the only person she felt she could auctly confide in betrayed her. Gaudi didnt know what to do, his mind raced as his stomach started to hurt. Maby he could make it all seem like a dream, marking a sleep spell into the dirt and raising his hands to his stomach. The clear liquid pooling around her started to glow, more of the liquid started to seep from the muscles of Gaudi's stomach even faster. A blue dust was mixed into the new stomach fluid. She touched a bit, her mind started to swirl and the tips of her fingers went numb. She tried to stay away from the new stomach fluids but it was no use, she begged gaudy not to digest her. A small amount of the liquid driped onto her head, her legs and mid torso were already numb and she couldn't think anymore, she kept awake for as long as she could, but her mind was falling and she couldn't help but drift off.

Gaudi started to calm down, he could feel Emma slowly drifting off to sleep, she stopped fighting his stomach walls and her begging turned into quiet mumbling and sobs. He started to think of how he could spin this so she wouldn't remember what had happened. He could clean up and stay in his human form, putting her back in bed and pretend it was a dream when she wakes up. His mind started to drift and his eyelids were heavy, he laid down on the grass between the house and the lake. He started to think about how he could help her, and if she found out would she let him stay. The grass was so soft, Gaudi's mind started to swirl as he unknowingly let the sleeping spell take him.

Timeskip: Morning

Gaudi woke up to the sound of birds chirping, he looked over to his side and saw a house, the morning sun bounced off his scales and onto the white walls of the house. His gut felt amazing, he hadn't felt this full ever but he didn't remember eating anything. He rolled onto his back, the weight of whatever was in his stomach pressing onto his back was nice but he wanted to know what happened. He rubbed his distended gut for a while, it was so sensitive he almost passed out from the feeling and went back to sleep. As he massaged his stomach he thought he could feel it moving. He sat up, his claws lightly dug into the ground as he watched his stomach. He held his breath for a second watching his stomach slowly, ever so slightly expanding and contracting. If his stomach was moving while he was holding his breath then what did he eat. He laid back down and extended his neck around the corner of the house, there was a limo in the driveway and the doorway looked familiar. He realized he was at Emma's house, had it worked, did he tell her that he was a dragon, but if he was out here than were was..... EMMA!

He rolled over, immediately grabbing his stomach and pushing it forward and forcing himself to get her out. His stomach started to hurt as he pushed Emma up his throat, he couldn't stop thinking about what he had done. If she was awake she would deffenetly call the cops and he would have to leave, and if she wasn't awake how would he fix this. Gaudi was finally able to push her out, he positioned his tounge over his teeth and she slid off of it like a slow sticky slide and onto the grass. She was still somehow asleep but covered in stomach fluids. Gaudi picked her up and hastily blew off all the fluids that were on her, he couldn't feel anything in his hands or claws when he set her back down on the grass. He quickly shifted back to his human form and cafully picked her up and carried her inside. He put her on the bed in the middle of her bedroom with her head resting carefully on her pillows and lazily threw the covers over her before he quickly walked out of the room. He started to make her drink, it was still his job and he would only be fired if she remembered. He worked as fast as he could and looked for a cup, eventually finding a water bottle and peeling one of the stickers down to scratch in the rune. He put the sticker back on and as he poured the drink into the cup he heard slight movement from Emma's room.

Emma woke up slightly moving her arms, somehow the blancket was still on her bed when she woke up. She was getting ready for the surge of pain whenever she wakes up but it never came. She opened her eyes expecting them to stay heavy and her not wanting to get out of bed, but she was fully awake, she sat up in her bed and looked over to her clock seeing that it's an hour until she has to be at work. She got out of bed already dressed, but her clothes were a bit wet for some reason, oh well. She walked out of her room seeing Gaudi pouring a drink into a water bottle. He was already smiling and it only grew as he saw her walking out of her room.

"Goodmorning, it's nice to see you awake"

"Morning Gaudi"

"I tried something new for you. A white hot chocolate, courtesy of your new personal barista Gaudium"

"Thanks, it's nice that... wait, Gaudium"

"Right, I've never told you my full name before"

"I thought your name was just Gaudi"

"Ya, well... I put my full name down for my last job and no one wanted to call me that so they called me Gaudi and I've just been using that ever since"

"After all this time I'm just now learning your name? Why didn't you tell me before"

"I guess it never came up"

"Huh. Well work starts soon so I should get going"

"Alright, when you get back we could finish that movie we started last night"

"Right... it was getting good to, why did we stop watching"

"Oh umm... I don't remember"

"Well I better get going, thank you for this and I will see you when I get back"

Emma walked out of the house, Gaudium was still smiling at her as she walked out. Whenever he smiled it made her happier. She walked down the intricate brick pavement to her car but, something to the right caught her eye. It looked like a liquid splatter, it was thick and was left in small clumps around her tree and on the lawn. She walked across the lawn and knelt down to get a better look at one of the bigger clumps. There was tiny blue specks in it and it looked like they were glowing. She stuck two of her fingers in it and brought a small amount of it closer to her eyes to get a better look. It was sentless and it was silky smooth but also sticky. The blue specks in it started to move closer to her fingers and once they touched her fingers it started to numb them. Her mind started to swirl as she couldn't keep a thought strait. She flicked the substance off her fingers and wiped the rest off on the grass.

Once she got into her car she took a sip of her drink, her mind started to straighten and she kept thinking about the substance. She had seen it before while she was terrified, she thought hard on it and eventually it clicked. The pink scales, the flesh surounding her, falling into his stomach... Gaudi's stomach. She rubbed the pocket of her pants leg, it was still slightly damp. Once she felt it her face slowly shifted to pure terror and she started to shake, he eyes quickly started to well with tears. She looked at the window to the kitchen in her house, Gaudium was silently sweeping away at the floor. He seemed focused and scared but once he looked out to Emma his smile reappeared. Emma couldn't help but smile back, it was involuntary but she still felt happier when she looked at him. She pulled out of the driveway and started to think about everything that happened, shaking all the way. She was eaten whole, how was she still alive, she should have been digested, why did the slime make her numb, how could he do this? She had so many questions she couldn't think strait, all she could think about was how her friend betrayed her. She instinctively parked not realizing where she was, her mind still raced as she looked up and, all at once, it stopped.

She instinctively parked outside the coffee shop and when she realized it her mind slowed to a stop. She sat in her car for a while just trying to process what she was doing and slowly her mind became more active. She started thinking about how he worked there, her friends forcing her to meet him, the happy times they had together in and out of this shop. He was a friend, he always looked out for her and he thought he could trust her enough to tell her something probably nobody else knew about him. He may have ate her but she was fine, and for the single second she remembered not struggling it was almost peaceful. Like the biggest hug he could give her, and somewhere deep down she felt protected, almost enough to stay there. She started to remember what he said before he was a dragon and as he was a dragon and like he said, she was safe. He fully trusted her and she trusted him. She started to drive to her work, she thought about what she would say to him when she got home, maybe he'd be willing enough to show her again... and possibly eat her again.

[ltlemon]

i only have krita on my laptop (unless you count paint 3D??)

if i'm drawing a profile then I tend to draw the right side of a persons face (their right), but it's not necessarily harder to draw their left, i just tend to do their right more, if that makes sense? I think its bc i'm right handed.

ummm, i don't know...i guess drawing mostly people, since that's also kinda all i drew as a kid.

i'm cool and different, so for me it's crowley >:) (getting a lot better though! i'm working on filling up a sketch page w/ him rn, and some of them are quite good, i think. i might be going overboard though.)

oooh, i have so many sketchbooks filled with stuff I've never posted, i only post stuff i particularly like. so probably...20% of my art is online?

my sibling, i've absorbed a lot of their style (especially their older style) without even knowing.

watercolor artists. how do they not make it run everywhere? i think they're cryptids.

at this point...? so many. i have a playlist on spotify filled with songs I want to make animatics to. It has 42 songs. and i know i'm missing some.

quite random, but usually just named after whatevers in the file, eg; aziraphale doodles, crowley scan, tma doodles scan, usually stuff like that.

don't really have one, however i do agree about the turtlenecks for crowley, i do love drawing him specifically in a turtleneck lol

either one of my spotify playlists (if i have one for the character i'm drawing than usually that! if not, then something chill, mac de marco is always an easy bet) or the magnus archives. :)

face. 100%, no doubt. everything else is a lot harder, but i can just whip out faces, no questions asked if you wanted me to.

i...can't think of anyone.

in general? not as of right now, but i do like adding little motifs to things that vary by piece.

in the house i live in, i'm almost never anywhere else. usually in one of the chairs in the living room.

i'm not sure, most of the time things turn out better if i enjoyed working on them.

tea :)

uhm, not that much, i think, at least in recent years. i did have a set of gel pens when i was about 9/10 that constantly broke, but they were quite cheap. 5%?

i don't draw inanimate objects a lot, but the few times i have, i've found that i enjoy drawing flowers. :)

...faces. they're somewhat easy for me but i love drawing them. although a lot of people struggle with them, esp. people used to drawing objects and such. i guess drawing nothing but faces and heads since you were 4 does that to you.

probably super cartoony/stylized styles, i love them dearly, but i guess they're just not how i draw.

...people exercise?

most of the time no, they intimidate me, but sometimes i'll mess around with them for my shadow layer.

yes actually! it sounds weird but they're really helpful, since there's so many of them to choose from. plus, i find them easier to draw from than reference images specifically for artists.

anime, just in general. this came from my grandmother though, who, even though she's an art teacher, has a really hard time describing styles that aren't either a.) realism or b.) classic cartoon style. so...her middle ground is anime?

mmm, can't think of anything. (probably because i only have teeny little doodles but shhh don't think about that)

ummm, i don't know...depends? if i'm drawing the thing for the first time then yes, definitely, but if i've drawn it a lot then it really depends on the day and how i'm feeling.

nope! too fresh an internet presence for that + my adhd is so strong in ma brainhole that i honestly don't know if i could reliably finish something like that.

i feel like everything has inspired me in some way, even if it's not art-style based.

most of my stuff that gets colored, if i'm being honest. a lot of the stuff that people tend to like the most are my sketches + random doodles i barely put any effort in, so it's always a bit sad when something I actually colored, lined, and spent too much time on doesn't get any attention.

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game

Didn't see a lot of artist ask games, wanted to make a silly one.

(I wrote this while sick out of my mind last year and it's been collecting dust in my drafts, I might as well let it run free) 1. Art programs you have but don't use

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

3. What ideas come from when you were little

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

9. What are your file name conventions

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

12. Easiest part of body to draw

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

14. Any favorite motifs

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

23. Do you use different layer modes

24. Do your references include stock images

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

[afniel]

Imma put some (heavy? I'm not sure? I don't go into any graphic details of anything bad but I guess it's a big topic, check the tags if you want to know more) mental health stuff under the cut, so, here's the cut.

I'm feeling like I can and maybe should be a little more open about this recently, so...I've realized that it's highly likely that I've got Dissociative Identity Disorder. Now granted, I'm not diagnosed at the time of this post, but it's something I've been living with for basically my entire life already, and I've got a ton of practice dealing with myself and working through shit, so I'm pretty sure it is what it is. Plus, honestly, how else do you explain containing several other people who are also me except all of these mes don't necessarily share access to each other's memories or skills*, which occasionally causes some really difficult shit for all of me. I'm self-aware enough that I notice missed time and holes in my memory now—we don't ask about the times I couldn't notice them, those are pretty bad times—and the only alter I have who's even capable of fully taking over if I blank out isn't even really distinguishable from me, he's just funnier. And I've got pretty decent communication methods with all of them, which aren't even that many at this point...I used to have a few more. (I would pay the super organized one with the great fashion sense to come back, though, damn.)

And yes, before anyone comes in like, "Well, Ackshually, you need to have experienced repeated, regular trauma before the age of—" ...don't assume that I didn't, man, because I did. I blocked it all from memory for years until 2020 started unearthing shit because I had nothing but time and nothing to do but introspect, and I just wasn't ready to accept it until then. To be clear, I definitely don't mean any sort of fun or self-induced kind of multiplicity, here, I mean the sort where at several points in my life I've had people tell me that I did/said stuff I don't even remember and would never normally do/say when I legitimately believed I was asleep. And then I blocked those out of memory too, because why not at that point. It's a self-defense mechanism, and one that's very hard to distinguish from ADHD and fibro and sleep disturbance memory problems, any of which are shitty enough on their own.

Honestly it doesn't mean anyone has to do anything differently around me. I'm still Me, I've just realized that I never quite got glued together right during some developmental stages because of environmental pressure to, in fact, not do that at all, because it was a lot easier to function that way. None of my parts feel like Entirely Not Me, they've got names and different voices and all but as a whole I don't want to be addressed differently, it's just this weird feeling of realizing that my brain runs very oddly, looking under the hood, and finding out that it's not even assembled but it's somehow managing to carry on anyway...and has been like this since I was a child, which is clear in hindsight now that I'm not involuntarily blanking everything about it out.

I'm gonna at some point here try and see if I have access to any therapists who can work with DID, 'cause man, it kinda sucks and I wouldn't mind managing it better. I'm not doing badly now, but I haven't been doing spectacularly in general with it, so, y'know. There's always room to improve.

(I'm especially mad that I'm funnier than myself, what the actual fuck. How does that even work.)

*Footnote: I discovered the hard way that my most functional guardian sort of alter actually can't draw, he just cribs off of my memory if he needs to do it because he's got nearly full access to it (though I have only middly access to his memory), but we switched so abruptly one time that I kinda shunted off into nowhere for a very confusing 20-30 seconds of staring at the tablet going, "Hey, wow, this is really good. Who drew—oh shit, I'm drawin' this? Oh no. I have no fuckin' idea how to draw, fuck, what do I do?" until everything kinda stopped bluescreening. Funny in retrospect but also very much an Oh No This Is Serious Isn't It moment.

Plus side, he also doesn't have fibromyalgia, which is GREAT but another sign that hey, uh, something is not working as expected here, because why would I just sometimes not have a chronic condition, but only when I'm in this REALLY specific mental state...? Brains are wild, y'all.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I've noticed there are at least 15 main installments of Final Fantasy, but the only ones I see people mention are Final Fantasy 7, 8, 10, and 15. Is there a reason the other game aren't as popular?

Buckle in, honey. Because I’m probably going to go overboard with this. I’m sorry. But it’s the best I can think of to explain it all.

So… full disclosure. I have not played I-VI. All I know about them is from the Dissidia games–where the main characters of those games show up and talk about their games some–and what I’ve read on Wikipedia. I also know a bit more about VI because of cultural osmosis, as that’s one of the more popular Final Fantasy games (and I have watched a teeny bit of VI online). And one day, I do hope to go back and play them all. But any information I get wrong about those ones–though I hopefully won’t–is because of this. And I apologize for it in advance.

Also, you should know that the Final Fantasy fandom is very vocal. And since every game pretty much reinvents the wheel–and everyone has a different game where they started and that is their favorite–everyone has their own idea about what a Final Fantasy “is” and “should be”. And if they get a Final Fantasy game that doesn’t meet that criteria for them, they usually hate it–and will tell anyone and everyone–and think that it “doesn’t feel like a true Final Fantasy”… Like, for years now… pretty much with any new game since X, or maybe even back as far as IX, people hate on it for years… only to years later realize that maybe it wasn’t “so bad, after all, because really the new thing is that bad”. Rinse and repeat.

Okay, so a little history here: Sakaguchi is the father of Final Fantasy, and was involved with I-X (though not as much on X, because I believe he was also working on the “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” movie at the time. More on that in a minute), back when the company was “Squaresoft” and not “Square Enix”. Around the time they were making X, Sakaguchi decided to try and make a fully 3D Final Fantasy movie–and to release it in theaters (The Spirits Within)–and that movie bombed hard. It’s actually one of the biggest financial failures in cinema history, sadly. And Squaresoft would have gone under because of it, if rival company Enix–mainly known for the Dragon Quest series–hadn’t agreed to merge with Squaresoft, thus turning the company into “Square Enix” as we know it today. And even though it wasn’t all his fault (if any of it? Because surely there were bigger studio heads who okayed everything and maybe even pushed for it themselves), Sakaguchi ended up having to take the wrap for the whole Spirits Within disaster and left the company, if I recall correctly, but really he had to leave, I think. I’m sure he was really fired, under the corporate niceties and stage show.

But you definitely have your purists, who only like I-X (or sometimes only I-IX) and think that Final Fantasy died when Squaresoft became Square Enix and when Sakaguchi left the company.

Speaking of which, I-VI, Final Fantasy VI is an extremely popular game. And that might actually be most people’s favorite after VII (some even like it more than VII). And people are clamoring for a remake for it, too. Like, the heroine Terra is an amazing character who goes through more than any other Final Fantasy heroine, apparently (as she was used as a weapon–as she’s super powerful–by the games’ villain for most of her life until she finally rises up against him). And she’s also the first technical female lead in a Final Fantasy game. People also love the villain, Kefka (and if you go on “What Final Fantasy Bosses do You Want in Kingdom Hearts?” threads, he’s always the one who gets the most votes), who’s this pure evil clown, who loves being bad and just wants to watch the world burn. The Joker, essentially. And he’s the only Final Fantasy villain to succeed: he actually does destroy the world, and you’re then playing in a post-apocalyptic place for half of the game. The character Celes even tries to kill herself over this… I think people like this game because it’s super dark (though not without light moments and humorous things, of course) like VII is.

Final Fantasy IV is also well-loved, but I don’t know enough to rank it in people’s eyes. I through III were pretty bare bones, it seems like (maybe moreso I and II) and with black and white morality. IV was the first game to go away from that, somewhat. As your main character, Cecil, who starts the game as a paladin turns into a dark knight(?). And while at first he’s despairing about this, he then realizes he can still be a hero and use his powers for good? And people adore the Cecil/Rosa ship, that perhaps started there being Final Fantasy romances. This is also a tragic tale about two brothers pitted against each other… There’s also the character Kain, that Riku’s character is probably based on and ideas from this game in general? Or maybe it’s Cecil that Riku’s based on. I forget.

VII is probably, hands-down, the most popular Final Fantasy game (though sometimes the people who love VI–and even IX–can really debate with the VII people. So they’re probably close to being tied). And I think this is because VII was the first to do a lot of things: The first to use 3D graphics (that were something to behold at the time), the first to be on Playstation, the first one that really got people in America interested in Final Fantasy and RPGs in general (largely because of the commercial for it, I’m told? That made people go “What?! There can be an actual story in a video game?! Let’s check this out!”), and certainly because of the Aerith thing. Aerith was not the first character to die in Final Fantasy. But since VII was a lot of people’s first FF–and you couldn’t bring her back; and the developers made a conscious decision to keep it that way for many reasons–this really hit gamers. And is why Aerith’s death is probably the most iconic thing in video game history. The game also did a good job of making her mean everything to you and then feel her absence, since she was your best healer and no one could really take her place after that. This game meant a lot to Sakaguchi, because he wrote it after his mother died–as he was trying to understand life and death… and why it all happens the way it does, and to find some closure there–and I think that you can feel that in the game, which is why it’s so special to so many other people, too. If you’re interested, Super Eyepatch Wolf does a great job of explaining why Final Fantasy VII is such a big deal in this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V68GCZ61Rc

I actually don’t hear that much about VIII anymore? I’m not sure it’s as big as a fan-favorite as it used to be, but I could be wrong.VIII is starting to turn into a black sheep of the franchise in some people’s eyes, it would seem. Mainly because the Junction battle system… is broken (though this was really no one’s fault. As I understand it, the designer behind it fell ill before the game came out and never got to finish it properly). And since some don’t like that this game is a romance between Squall and Rinoa more than anything else (some also don’t like Rinoa and think she’s a major damsel in distress in their opinion), and that Ultimecia is evil and wants time compression… for reasons? But to be fair, a lot of early Final Fantasy villains were evil just to be evil. And apparently this game is the anti-VII in some ways? As Sakaguchi or Kitase (I forget which one) said they got a lot of criticism about FFVII when it first released (which is weird to think of now, since now everyone sees FFVII as the greatest thing ever), so they decided to address those criticisms in VIII and made it the opposite of VII in many ways. But there are definitely many who are still all about VIII. Don’t get me wrong. And a lot of Kingdom Hearts fans, trying out FF for the first time, probably go to the ones with characters they know first (I know I did). So VIII is still probably touched for that reason, if not for many others as well. People still wonder if Cloud or Squall is stronger, etc. And for a while, VIII was my favorite. It’s not anymore, but it once was.

IX is the dark horse in this series that might actually win a lot of things. Most people who have played it seem to love IX–I know I do–though not everyone played it, because many were turned off by the cutesy art style at first (IX was sort of a return to basics, as it was a celebration of all the Final Fantasy games that came before it since this was the last Playstation 1 game). But this story’s a lot darker than some give it credit for… One of the darker ones, maybe. Most people who played IX actually list it as their favorite–in fact, IX was voted as the most popular FF game to Japan’s players recently–and many want this game remade, too. This is also Sakaguchi’s favorite in the series, and what he thinks Final Fantasy should be. And there’s just so much heart, fun, and love in this story (Zidane and Garnet might even be my favorite FF couple for how well they’re written). If Sakaghuchi had to leave the company, it’s probably at least nice that he left it on this note (because he was involved in X, but not as much as with this).

I think X is so popular, because this was also a “first” for many people. It was my first Final Fantasy game, in fact (and a lot of people’s in that generation). But it was the first for Playstation 2… the first with voice acting, the first where you could switch party members in battle, the first that had a direct sequel to it, etc. And many believe Tidus and Yuna is the best written romance in all of Final Fantasy, and there’s a good chance that it is. It also has one of the most tragic endings ever, that makes everyone sob when they get to it. Hey. But Final Fantasy X is just a great game, all-around (story, theme, and gameplay-wise. X, like VII, revolves around life and death and cycles). It really is. Though you still have people who hate it (as there are those who hate every single game), usually because they despise Tidus or just look at things like the laughing scene out of context. X might be my favorite Final Fantasy. A lot of the time, the first FF you played ends up being your favorite, though not always (I like it, IX, VII… and XIII and XV, God help me). Edit: And Yuna is everything good in this world. She’s always a favorite Final Fantasy heroine to everyone, for sure. And I think she actually is Japan’s favorite Final Fantasy heroine.

I can’t really talk about XI or XIV, as they’re MMOs and I don’t play those… so these are actually the FFs I know the least about, probably? But I know some think think they’re the best. Well, Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn, that is. The first version of XIV was a fucking disaster and had to be completely reworked.

Final Fantasy XII is dismissed a lot of the time (though there are those who think it’s the best example of transitioning FF to modern times, doing things that XIII and XV just didn’t think to do or even seem to think to do). Final Fantasy XII is very political, and I think that’s why it’s not talked about much: as there’s a good chance it just went over your head when you played it. I know it did for me, originally. There also really isn’t romance in it (at least not much, and you definitely see the slight romance that is there moreso in the sequel). But they definitely tried something new with this one, and if that paid off or not is up to you. But if you can understand it, the writing in this game is actually pretty genius. Final Fantasy XII was plagued with the issue that VIII had, though, where one of the key people behind it got sick at the time, so all of their ideas didn’t come to fruition. Like, originally Vaan and Penelo were supposed to be much more fleshed out than they were… that didn’t happen in FFXII itself, but did in its sequel “Revenant Wings” (which is so underrated, and the best sequel in all of FF, imo).

XIII… XIII is the black sheep of the franchise, for some reason. And I have no idea why. I loved this game and thought it was fine. More than fine, really. I swear this game wouldn’t be as hated as it is, if the Internet didn’t exist, tbh. But people despise it because it’s linear… when every Final Fantasy game before it was also linear? You were just tricked into thinking they weren’t. And sure XIII could have hidden its linearity better, but meh. People also aren’t big on there being no towns and side quests, even though story-wise it makes sense: you’re the enemy of the goddamn world, so of course you’re avoiding towns and people. People also think the game’s convoluted, but I think most FFs are. Look at FFVII, for goodness sake! And people just don’t like the characters, because they base it on how they are at the start of the game. And they’re all awful and hate each other at first, but that’s the point: because they all develop and grow into better characters, and are a family at the end of it. There are also those who despise the battle system… I’ve heard many say that if you look at this game as its own thing, it’s fantastic. But that if you look at it as a Final Fantasy game, it’s terrible… which I guess could make sense? But I also, personally, don’t see it that way? I guess I’ve just never been one of those “A Final Fantasy game has to be this way, and if it’s not then it’s not a Final Fantasy game to me and I hate it” kind of people. Because I know FF is always about reinventing itself, but whatever. But like with any Final Fantasy, there are also those who adore this one. There are always those who love one, and those who hate it. XIII was also littered with a lot of problems across development–like XV–and probably would have been even better than it was, if that hadn’t happened. Like, I think Nojima wrote the script for part of this game–or at least helped with it–but not all of it. And he’s credited for writing the scripts of most fan-favorite FF games. He also wrote the script for the end of KHI, all of KHII, and part of KHIII, apparently (many think that if Nojima came back for KH, that would fix things there, too–which I could see and maybe mostly agree with, but even he’s not perfect... He also wrote the script for Versus XIII, but not XV, which probably explains a lot. And he came back and wrote the script for FFVII again with the Remake, which is probably why it’s so great).

XV is the game that started its life as Final Fantasy Versus XIII–originally directed by Tetsuya Nomura–but soon after it became FFXV, Nomura was kicked off the project and Hajime Tabata became its new director. And Tabata, it would seem, made a lot of changes to the story (which is why Nomura’s so pissed off about it, and now trying to put his Versus XIII ideas into Kingdom Hearts). But it wasn’t really his fault. The company was breathing down his neck that this had to be the game that “saved Final Fantasy and console gaming in Japan”. And Versus XII was, apparently, the darkest game in the entire Final Fantasy franchise (and it was going to be rated “M”, as opposed to FF games usually being rated “T”), which is why it wasn’t a numbered title originally. So I can get why Tabata probably thought he had to change it to make it moreso appeal to the masses, or was probably even told to do so. I think FFXV is a good game. I do (as do many. XV was actually a lot of Nomura lovers’ first FF game, for obvious reasons). It’s still one of my favorites… for some reason. But the main issue with this game–especially at launch; it’s somewhat better now–is that it was not a complete story, and there were so many holes in it. And you can just tell that this story was rewritten again and again and again. And important plot things are just not told to the player… probably because the developers thought the player knew, because they surely had told them in earlier drafts. But I can still feel what this game was going for, and the heart of it, which is why I like it, I guess. It’s actually a pretty hot debate–of which game is better in people’s eyes: this one or XIII–and I can get both sides of the argument. I like both. And as I’ve said above… as there’s always a camp that loves and hates every Final Fantasy game, there are those who despise XV: for they see how messy its story was… or don’t like the gameplay (as it probably is the most removed from how FF games usually play) or the setting… and some even weren’t big on how dark this game still was, and didn’t think it felt like a FF to them for that reason. 

Yep.

And if you actually got to this point, I thank you… and I’m also sorry for all of this.

Edit: I should also probably mention that originally, most Final Fantasy games had medieval settings (and for this reason, there are those who think all FF games should be this). But they sort of moved away from that with VII and VIII. And since VII is the majority’s favorite, there are those who are more than okay with FF not being medieval. So to keep both camps happy, these days you usually have a few games that are medieval (back to basics) and then a few that aren’t. Rinse and repeat. Since XIII and XV weren’t medieval, that probably means XVI will be. And if the “Agni’s Philosophy” trailers are secretly FFXVI, like some think, that definitely looks medieval. And there was maybe some FFXVI artwork leaked recently, that looks medieval. And many are thinking the director of Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn will be directing XVI–he’s said he’d be willing to do it–and I know he’s said he’d want to turn Final Fantasy to medieval, if he were to do a XVI. So, yeah…

Edit 2: And back to the “FF died when Squaresoft became Square Enix and Sakaguchi left the company” camp, another reason some feel this way is Uematsu. If I recall correctly, he composed all the music for I-IX–and I think did the “To Zanarkand” track for X–but I think he also left the company after IX. So his departure is another reason some think the series truly died then. -shrugs-

[bl4cklabyrinth]

Live Report: MY FIRST STORY TOUR 2019 Semi-Final at Kobe World Memorial Hall

Disclaimer: Take note that all of these reports were translated by ear, so there is no assurance of accuracy. Because of this, please do not retranslate my work. I am no Japanese or English native.

I am only reposting the relevant MCs from my Twitter thread for archive purposes. Please check my tweets to read more about my thoughts on the show.

Photo by Takashi Konuma | Taken from MFS’ official Twitter

Setlist

SE

不可逆リプレイス

Black Rail

ブラック・スワン

花-0714-(Re:arrange)

monologue

虚言NEUROSE

KING & ASHLEY

mine

君のいない夜を越えて

終焉レクイエム (Acoustic ver.)

Love Letter (Acoustic ver.)

LET IT DIE (Acoustic ver.)

Band session

無告

Missing You

Weight of my pride (Pay money To my Pain cover)

MONSTER

絶体絶命

ACCIDENT

モノクロエフェクター

REVIVER

With You

Encore

THE OVER (UVERworld cover)

LET IT DIE

ALONE

Story about Weight Loss

Hiro: Anyway, this has no relation (to the acoustic session) whatsoever, but didn’t I get super thin?

Kid’z: You did! Tell us more! You really did lose weight! Nob too!

Hiro: We declared during Hall Tour that we’d lose weight within one month, but we couldn’t do it. We made a promise though, didn’t we? I did my very best, you know?? I seriously gave it all I got!!

Kid’z: I’ve been avoiding carbs for a long time, and even tried diligently apportioning my meals and stuff like that. But before I knew it, I was already eating curry!

Crowd: *laughs*

Fan: How much weight did you lose?

Hiro: I dropped 6 kg.

Crowd: Ohhh! *claps*

Kid’z: That’s a lot!

Hiro: Amazing, right? On the contrary, I’ve always been fat.

Kid’z: No, seriously.

Hiro: I lost weight so that I can get fat again. I want to get fat so I lose weight. When I’ve lost weight, I’ll gain weight again. It’s a never ending cycle.

Kid’z: Don’t leave it as it is!

Hiro: I get told that all the time. I mean, I’m gonna gain weight before METROCK again anyway.

Kid’z: Isn’t METROCK great though?

Hiro: Can I say this? Why do they hold festivals at such a season?

Kid’z: Because (the weather) is cool? I once thought Doraemon was the one singing.

Hiro: Who you calling 123 cm tall?

Kid’z: Nobita-kun.

Hiro: I’m not the blue geezer.

Kid’z: He isn’t a geezer!

Hiro: He’s a geezer, isn’t he?

Crowd: *laughs*

Hiro: Generally, we release a CD around spring or summer. Then we start tour around autumn, right? From the beginning of fall, Hiroki starts losing weight. Little by little. Then, year end starts rolling in. By the end of the year, tour ends, it becomes production season, and eating Hiroki comes out. Hiroki enters hibernation, just like any other large mammal.

Kid’z: You need to stock up, right?

Hiro: Yep, so I can get through winter. Then it becomes spring again. METROCK is waiting for me, but I don’t want stocked-weight-from-hibernation-at-its-max Hiroki to be exposed there! Why do I keep getting told I got fatter or thinner every time?! Leave me alone!!!

Kid’z: But you did your best, right?

Hiro: ...Yep.

Kid’z: Good job.

Crowd: *claps*

Kid’z: How about Nob? How are you doing?

Nob: I lost 5 kg.

Hiro: You lost weight only because you were sick, right?

Kid’z: Because his tonsils were taken out.

Nob: I haven’t gotten my sense of taste back up until now.

Hiro: Don’t let yourself lose one of your most important senses!

Nob: Some time ago I had pickles and it was the best.

Hiro: What an old man.

Story about Poor Kid’z (figuratively and literally)

Kid’z: This story has no relation to anything we’ve talked about so far, but you (Hiro) started an IG account, right? During Hall Tour. Since then, you did a lot of things to me, like that game with the paper cups and the 10,000 yen you put inside one of them, which I played along with having good intentions in mind. I chose the right cup and you gave me the bill, but you revealed that there was 100,000 yen in the other cups.

Hiro: Yep.

Kid’z: ...I tried that with a friend. I was caught. 100,000 yen.

Hiro: Eh?? They made a winning move, huh.

Kid’z: I was like, “Oh no, what should I do?? Should I take it back?” I wanted to be able to fool someone, to get a taste of how it feels! So I started turning the cups around thinking I could do it like you did. When it was time for them to pick, my friend chose a different cup, and in my head I was all, “No no no, not that!!!” and eventually they got it...

Hiro: That person probably saw my IG post and thought you were an idiot.

Thoughts on Marriage

After Love Letter, Hiro and Kid'z talked about being excited yet nervous to play the next song, since it's been a while since they last played it.

Kid’z: Speaking of which, the person beside me seems to be nervous!!

Nob: *rubbing his palms on his pants*

Kid’z: Can I do a hand check? *touches Nob's palm* It's all sticky!

Hiro: Eh? You're scared of making a miss again? Like in Yokoari? Higedan. Ah! Speaking of which, Satoshi-kun got married! Congratulations!

H&K: *congratulate Nob*

Hiro: Eh? Official?

Kid’z: This is Unofficial.

Hiro: Ah, sorry. Unofficial. He got married, huh... There's been a crazy marriage rush recently... 

Kid’z: Yeah, it's been all over LINE NEWS lately.

Hiro: Right. back number, Higedan, Maple Chogokin.

Kid’z: You're mean for putting Maple Chogokin as last!

Hiro: No no no. *laughs* The marriage rush is insane, right... Right... Insane right... 

Fan: Do you want to get married?

Hiro: ...I don't wanna get married. 

Crowd: Eh???

Hiro: Do you? Someday, I assume. As for me, I don't wanna get married at all. 

Kid’z: *in a teasing tone* Is it because you don't have a partner?

Hiro: *taunting tone* Ha? Ha? Ha? What the hell are you saying, you.

Kid’z: Ah, sorry we had a little quarrel.

Hiro: Let's get a divorce first!

Kid’z: What the hell is this breakup!

Poor Nob

Photo by Takashi Konuma | Taken from Hiro’s IG post

Hiro: Anyway, are we good? You (Nob) still seem nervous. How are his fingers?

Kid’z: They're tender. 

Hiro: If I had to play it in a room like this, I'd be pissed.

Nob: *strums a tune*

Kid’z: It's that song!! It's definitely that song, right? Can you do it, Nob bear? Are you alright? You practiced last night without sleeping.

Kid’z: Give him your support.

Crowd: Cute!! You can do it!!!

Kid’z: The pressure on you is rising, huh.

Hiro: *in an old man voice* You can do it! You can do it! You can do it!

Kid’z: Eh? What was that voice? Father?

Hiro: *taunting tone* Ha? What the hell are you saying. Who you calling father, come home and I'll kill you.

Kid’z: Ah, sorry. Father, I apologize.

Hiro: to Nob You okay? Dududadududa~ (T/N: the intro of LET IT DIE) The last song for the acoustic session. Please listen, LET IT DIE.

Then, Hiro crouched down from his seat and kneeled, looked at Nob closely, and so did Kid’z. Nob stared back, aced the dududadududa intro and everybody clapped for him! However, Nob made a mistake towards the very end, playing the last string of notes twice. When they were walking back to the main stage, Hiro put his arm around Nob and teased in a mocking tone, "Hey, in LET IT DIE, in LET IT DIE, hey, during the acoustic set, hey, I was satisfied with the beginning, but in the middle of the song, hey, you made a mistake, right? Even if you were doing so well." When they got back to the main stage, Nob bowed down in apology.

Weight of my pride MC

Hiro: Your voice has been heard! There were a lot of requests for PTP, and in my heart, PTP is my eternal hero. It shouldn't be just us; so that he can also hear your voices, shout as loud as you can Kobe!!! Next song is called Weight of my pride!

Check out their version of the performance at Saitama Super Arena here:

モノクロエフェクター MC

Hiro: How are we doing Kobe? I thought everyone in Kobe could handle it, you know? Aren't y'all drinking too much milk tea? Your nipples are gonna become tapioca if you drink too much milk tea, you know? Well, if you're sure you're not drinking too much then you should be able to handle it, so let's all dance together!!

Reviver MC

Hiro: Thank you so much for today! It's been a great day, I'm really grateful. I've always been alone. I've lost so many people I didn't want to lose, and I've let go of things I didn't want to part with many times. I might not be able to change the world with music, but because of music, I met the members, I met all of you, and it made me think that my life was pretty impressive. I want to believe it was my destiny to meet all of you here tonight, so let's keep walking together Kobe!!!

With You MC

Hiro: Thank you so much for today, Kobe!!! After this, the tour will be ending soon. Thinking about it makes me sad, but knowing that you will all be supporting us next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, and even after 10 years makes me feel very grateful. But there's one thing I want to say before today ends: Kobe, I love you!!!

THE OVER MC

Hiro: How was it? MFS' UVERworld. Did I become Hiroki∞? This song was really difficult. The way the lyrics jump, especially during the part before the last chorus.

Kid’z: I didn't learn that note.

Hiro: *emphasizes the difficult enunciation of a line from the song* Unbelievable, I had a hard time remembering it.

Kid’z: The instruments were tough, too. Even Nob was complaining, there were notes he had never seen before.

Hiro: I couldn't match the timing of the lyrics either. I had to enter at an exact time, 3 characters in one second!! If MFS were to do it, we'd go with a lower key.

Kid’z: You say MFS but it's your key, right? Your voice is hella loud you know.

Hiro: It's because if I'm alone, then it's not MFS.

Kid’z: Nah, we were able to match the key, but only you can sing it that high, right? (T/N: They seemed to have raised the key by 2 octaves)

Hiro: You guys thought the cover song was only Weight of my pride, didn't you? You're wrong! We did UVERworld but we received many other requests. There were a lot of PTP songs in the tags. Who else was it... Sheena Ringo, Oral, and King Gnu too.

Kid’z: Weirdly enough, B'z was highly requested too. 

Hiro: It'd be weird if I sang their songs.

Crowd: Sing! Sing! Sing!

Hiro: 萎えぇぇ！萎えぇぇ！萎えぇぇぇぇー (T/N: Nae is Japanese slang that roughly translates to “no” or “ugh” in this context) Wait a minute. Change the song.

Kid’z: *offended tone* Huh?

Hiro: Well then, sing a line that starts with A!

Hiro: You're an Ultra Soul Idiot. Do you know any other song apart from Ultra Soul?

Kid’z: Of course I do! Don't you? All of you? I love them more than anyone else, I'm even in the fanclub! こいよ！！

Kid’z: *sings a B'z line that starts with A*

Hiro: Gi!

Kid’z: Gi? *sings a line that starts with Gi* I told you, I can do anything.

Teru: Yu!

Kid’z: Yu? YUME JANAI ARE MO KORE MO SONO TE DE DOA MO AKEMASHOU, SHUKUFUKU GA HOSHII NARA KANASHIMI O SHIRI HITORI DE NAKIMASHOU, SOSHITE KAGAYAKU ULTRA SOUL!

Crowd: HEY!!!

Hiro: Oi, Teruki!! Why did you say "yu"?! You should've let him build up first before making him sing "yu"!! It was too early to make him sing that as the third song!

Kid’z: It felt really good!!

Hiro: Why did you say "yu" so quickly?!

Teru: I just made a mistake.

Hiro: Don't be an airhead!!

Kid’z: I'm really grateful!

Nob’s Redemption Arc

After their UVERworld cover, Hiro asked the audience what they should do next. The crowd started screaming different songs, to which Hiro said "I'm seriously fine with anything." Nob suddenly played the first three notes of LET IT DIE, to which Hiro said, "Ah, from earlier?" Kid'z said, "He made a mistake a while ago, so let's give him another chance." Then Nob started practicing. The crowd screamed, "You can do it!!!" then Nob walked towards the center stage and did a moonwalk. Hiro was all, "You can't do it, you're not Michael Jackson!" then sang a MJ line and howled his signature "Woo!"

Final MC

Hiro: Today was truly an amazing day, thank you all so much. We had such an intense gathering here at Kobe World Memorial Hall. The first Coming Kobe was also held here. We have so, so, so many memories here in this place. Right now, we're still on our way to reaching our dream. From hereon, we don't know if we could make such a big dream come true. We still have a long way there, but we're doing our best every year, making music for everyone and visiting various places as well. Next year, and the year after that, and even after 10 years, it would be nice if we could all make amazing memories together. Thank you so much! We're definitely coming back, Kobe!!

Photo by Takashi Konuma | Taken from Hiro’s IG post

[mummified-game-review]

Depth Of Extinction Definitive Edition: A Review

I love that part in Water world when LL Cool J turns to Jason Stathem and says “You’re going to need a bigger boat” Such a classic line from an iconic actor and movie.

Welcome back to another video here at Mummified Games. My name is Tony and today we're going to look at this tactical top down shooter Depth of Extinction: Definitive Edition By HOF Studios.

Do you like Xcom? Well great this is just xcom in a water world game.

Okay well that is from me folks like comment subscribe.

No no no I'm just kidding. This game would be so easy to write off as just Waterworld Xcom. But I owe you all a real review.

So in this game you play as a tactical squad of mercenaries that are here to collect a bunch of things that will unlock something.

The story isn't very complicated from the early game. It's a basic fetch quest. Most of the gameplay comes from the actual combat in this game.

Like I said this game is very similar to XCOM, it's the same strategic shooting squad game. Move your characters into position and set them to overwatch where if something moves light em up. Weigh your options on which target to attack and then unload whatever special type of gun you have.

From where I got to in the game it's missing the base building aspect and tech research that was in XCOM and so from where I got in the game it's missing that bit of fun. But I could be wrong, maybe that comes in after a while.

At the start the game's art style was very off putting, and the story felt a little ham fistted.

So you follow some soldiers, walking into a place that has a machine of some sort, and it's explained to one of the rookies that since they were short staffed they were rushed ahead in their training.

They run into a robot that can't identify itself, weird. The robot gives a warning to the team about collecting the things to unlock the other thing. And then 3 big beefy robots come in and kill the first robot and your team hightails it out of there.

The team explains this to some scientist and they explain “okay well i guess there's nothing to do but get out there and find the things so you can unlock the other thing”

I'm not mincing words, there's no “mmmm it's an interesting prospect, our scientists have been researching this thing for years and the idea of being able to learn more about this big thing would, blah blah blah” it's not like the vault in Borderlands. It's just a task to do so go do the things.

Either this team is super bored and has nothing better to do, or it's a bussy task for these new folk.

So as I said, the story isn't really interesting.

But the art style is the thing that did grow on me over time. At the start it felt like some sudo retro sprite based thing. And it was super not fun to look at in the opening cutscene.

But after getting past that and moving into the actual gameplay. The game let me zoom out a

Little bit and that made all the difference.

The gameplay is the meat and potatoes to this dish.

The game has this map where you’re driving your sub to different bases or structures that were built above the water. The sub has only so much gas to get you to your destination.

This part of the game reminds me a lot of the game I reviewed early on called Onward.

Where you need to stop off and fight the things, gather supplies and move on down the road.

But unlike onward that gives you a sort of line you need to follow due West with the occasional branching paths. This game gives you a wide spider web of locations you can visit on your way from the start to the goal you have.

The game is a lot of moving your squad around the map, shooting bad guys, collecting items, save hostages, investigate terminals, hide around cover, and make your way around these little maps.

It's good, the levels you are given aren't hard to get through, at least at the point where I was playing.

Run though levels and collect and kill things. And slowly your Mercenaries will level up and gain special skills. Sort of like classes in a Role Playing game.

Assault, snipers, rouge, heavy weapons, things like that. And each one has their own special skills and attributes that come with selecting that skill at level 2.

One thing that I love about this game is its clarity in the math for your shot accuracy calculation. They may be whatever numbers that might not have any validity. But they make me feel good.

So the game actually shows you what the likelihood of your shot making contact actually would be. From a base 100 then minus their cover points, then any armor, and so forth and so forth.

I love it. There was a point in my Midboss review where I went too into what each thing meant in the stats in that game and I should've known better. But this one makes it so clear and easy to understand what things might need to be fixed to get a better shot.

And that's the other thing one of these shots give you that unrealistic feeling of “WHAT! That should have hit! How the heck did you miss you were right next to him” they feel realistic. When the shot has under 50% chance of hitting and it misses, it feels normal. And when it's at 90% chance they almost never miss.

Again I keep going back to XCOM as a comparison to this game, but hey that's just what I know.

In XCOM there would be a 90% chance of the squad member with a shotgun making the shot when the enemy is right around the corner. And if they missed then it feels like a giant WTF moment.

I think it's because in this game your characters have more health. In Xcom you have about 4 to start off with and you have to be super careful about your shots.

I for sure will be coming back to this game in my time off. I saw the recording got to an hour, and without hesitation i thought “NOPE, One more”

It's a fun game. And I highly recommend checking it out. Links to the store page will be linked in the description along with a link to the Tumblr that was created for this show that has all the videos posted in order along with under them the full scripts that were typed up for those who need it. I'm mentioning this now because I just recently made a tumblr and wanted to give it a shout out.

But anyway that's this review.

If you played this game. Tell me your thoughts about it. What were some things you liked about it?

If you haven't played this one. Are there any other Strategy shooters like this in the Bundle For Racial justice. Or any other games you want to tell me about and want me to try. I might just take a look at them.

IN THE MEANTIME! I've switched up my process of how these videos get made, and instead of doing these videos after i get off work and playing before noon. I've decided that I'm not going to fight my body being a night owl and instead I'm actually writing this at 1 am. And I'm going to go to bed and then record this while my roommates are gone, clock into work, get my 8 hours, and then edit it together after that. I think this will help me reach the hours I need at work and still get the videos out on a regular time.

Not that anyone cares about all that a bit rambly that segment was.

All you need to worry about is doing the youtube dance. Like, Sub, Bell, Tell someone you know about the show, comment your thoughts about the video down below.

And as always friends, Keep diggin, and we’ll make it out sometime.

See you in the next one.

[kyunsies]

Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that “southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ 

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!!