#i also went to church and became christian again

[bumblebeehug]

yay i got a new lamp today. celebrate the small things

[steviescrystals]

my tags on the post i just reblogged got me thinking so here’s my current stream of consciousness

[odinsblog]

One of the most durable myths in recent history is that the religious right, the coalition of conservative evangelicals and fundamentalists, emerged as a political movement in response to the U.S. Supreme Court’s 1973 Roe v. Wade ruling legalizing abortion. The tale goes something like this: Evangelicals, who had been politically quiescent for decades, were so morally outraged by Roe that they resolved to organize in order to overturn it.

This myth of origins is oft repeated by the movement’s leaders. In his 2005 book, Jerry Falwell, the firebrand fundamentalist preacher, recounts his distress upon reading about the ruling in the Jan. 23, 1973, edition of the Lynchburg News: “I sat there staring at the Roe v. Wade story,” Falwell writes, “growing more and more fearful of the consequences of the Supreme Court’s act and wondering why so few voices had been raised against it.” Evangelicals, he decided, needed to organize.

Some of these anti- Roe crusaders even went so far as to call themselves “new abolitionists,” invoking their antebellum predecessors who had fought to eradicate slavery.

But the abortion myth quickly collapses under historical scrutiny. In fact, it wasn’t until 1979—a full six years after Roe—that evangelical leaders, at the behest of conservative activist Paul Weyrich, seized on abortion not for moral reasons, but as a rallying-cry to deny President Jimmy Carter a second term. Why? Because the anti-abortion crusade was more palatable than the religious right’s real motive: protecting segregated schools. So much for the new abolitionism.

Today, evangelicals make up the backbone of the pro-life movement, but it hasn’t always been so. Both before and for several years after Roe, evangelicals were overwhelmingly indifferent to the subject, which they considered a “Catholic issue.” In 1968, for instance, a symposium sponsored by the Christian Medical Society and Christianity Today, the flagship magazine of evangelicalism, refused to characterize abortion as sinful, citing “individual health, family welfare, and social responsibility” as justifications for ending a pregnancy. In 1971, delegates to the Southern Baptist Convention in St. Louis, Missouri, passed a resolution encouraging “Southern Baptists to work for legislation that will allow the possibility of abortion under such conditions as rape, incest, clear evidence of severe fetal deformity, and carefully ascertained evidence of the likelihood of damage to the emotional, mental, and physical health of the mother.” The convention, hardly a redoubt of liberal values, reaffirmed that position in 1974, one year after Roe, and again in 1976.

When the Roe decision was handed down, W. A. Criswell, the Southern Baptist Convention’s former president and pastor of First Baptist Church in Dallas, Texas—also one of the most famous fundamentalists of the 20th century—was pleased: “I have always felt that it was only after a child was born and had a life separate from its mother that it became an individual person,” he said, “and it has always, therefore, seemed to me that what is best for the mother and for the future should be allowed.”

Although a few evangelical voices, including Christianity Today magazine, mildly criticized the ruling, the overwhelming response was silence, even approval. Baptists, in particular, applauded the decision as an appropriate articulation of the division between church and state, between personal morality and state regulation of individual behavior. “Religious liberty, human equality and justice are advanced by the Supreme Court abortion decision,” wrote W. Barry Garrett of Baptist Press.

So what then were the real origins of the religious right? It turns out that the movement can trace its political roots back to a court ruling, but not Roe v. Wade.

In May 1969, a group of African-American parents in Holmes County, Mississippi, sued the Treasury Department to prevent three new whites-only K-12 private academies from securing full tax-exempt status, arguing that their discriminatory policies prevented them from being considered “charitable” institutions. The schools had been founded in the mid-1960s in response to the desegregation of public schools set in motion by the Brown v. Board of Education decision of 1954. In 1969, the first year of desegregation, the number of white students enrolled in public schools in Holmes County dropped from 771 to 28; the following year, that number fell to zero.

In Green v. Kennedy (David Kennedy was secretary of the treasury at the time), decided in January 1970, the plaintiffs won a preliminary injunction, which denied the “segregation academies” tax-exempt status until further review. In the meantime, the government was solidifying its position on such schools. Later that year, President Richard Nixon ordered the Internal Revenue Service to enact a new policy denying tax exemptions to all segregated schools in the United States. Under the provisions of Title VI of the Civil Rights Act, which forbade racial segregation and discrimination, discriminatory schools were not—by definition—“charitable” educational organizations, and therefore they had no claims to tax-exempt status; similarly, donations to such organizations would no longer qualify as tax-deductible contributions.

On June 30, 1971, the United States District Court for the District of Columbia issued its ruling in the case, now Green v. Connally (John Connally had replaced David Kennedy as secretary of the Treasury). The decision upheld the new IRS policy: “Under the Internal Revenue Code, properly construed, racially discriminatory private schools are not entitled to the Federal tax exemption provided for charitable, educational institutions, and persons making gifts to such schools are not entitled to the deductions provided in case of gifts to charitable, educational institutions.”

Paul Weyrich, the late religious conservative political activist and co-founder of the Heritage Foundation, saw his opening.

In the decades following World War II, evangelicals, especially white evangelicals in the North, had drifted toward the Republican Party—inclined in that direction by general Cold War anxieties, vestigial suspicions of Catholicism and well-known evangelist Billy Graham’s very public friendship with Dwight Eisenhower and Richard Nixon. Despite these predilections, though, evangelicals had largely stayed out of the political arena, at least in any organized way. If he could change that, Weyrich reasoned, their large numbers would constitute a formidable voting bloc—one that he could easily marshal behind conservative causes.

“The new political philosophy must be defined by us [conservatives] in moral terms, packaged in non-religious language, and propagated throughout the country by our new coalition,” Weyrich wrote in the mid-1970s. “When political power is achieved, the moral majority will have the opportunity to re-create this great nation.” Weyrich believed that the political possibilities of such a coalition were unlimited. “The leadership, moral philosophy, and workable vehicle are at hand just waiting to be blended and activated,” he wrote. “If the moral majority acts, results could well exceed our wildest dreams.”

But this hypothetical “moral majority” needed a catalyst—a standard around which to rally. For nearly two decades, Weyrich, by his own account, had been trying out different issues, hoping one might pique evangelical interest: pornography, prayer in schools, the proposed Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution, even abortion. “I was trying to get these people interested in those issues and I utterly failed,” Weyrich recalled at a conference in 1990.

The Green v. Connally ruling provided a necessary first step: It captured the attention of evangelical leaders , especially as the IRS began sending questionnaires to church-related “segregation academies,” including Falwell’s own Lynchburg Christian School, inquiring about their racial policies. Falwell was furious. “In some states,” he famously complained, “It’s easier to open a massage parlor than a Christian school.”

One such school, Bob Jones University—a fundamentalist college in Greenville, South Carolina—was especially obdurate. The IRS had sent its first letter to Bob Jones University in November 1970 to ascertain whether or not it discriminated on the basis of race. The school responded defiantly: It did not admit African Americans.

Although Bob Jones Jr., the school’s founder, argued that racial segregation was mandated by the Bible, Falwell and Weyrich quickly sought to shift the grounds of the debate, framing their opposition in terms of religious freedom rather than in defense of racial segregation. For decades, evangelical leaders had boasted that because their educational institutions accepted no federal money (except for, of course, not having to pay taxes) the government could not tell them how to run their shops—whom to hire or not, whom to admit or reject.

The Civil Rights Act, however, changed that calculus.

(continue reading)

[mrsshabana]

honestly i need a story time about the cult? also the link to that podcast, im intrigued now lol

𝐌𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭

Ok children gather around. It's story time 🤓

Note: Now I won't provide a link because I talk about a lot of personal stuff including my name and location, and I don't want so many people having access to that. But I don't mind telling my story here.

Content warning: Mentions of religious trauma and eating disorders

Ok, so let me set the scene. I was 18 and moved out of my parents' house. I lived in a ghetto apartment near my university where I was studying art.

Now when I moved out my parents stopped talking to me. So I really felt alone, I had no family, no friends, and I was in a new place so I was very desperate to have a connection with someone. So really I was the perfect victim for a cult because I was vulnerable.

One day I was walking out of the mathematics building when a student stopped me and asked me if I would like to read the bible with her. She was a Korean international student and she was really nice so I was like sure why not. Now at this point, I wasn't super religious but I did consider myself a Christian. But I never knew the bible very well and my family was the kind of family that only went to church on easter and Christmas.

So anyway, I read the bible with her and she explained it to me. The way she explained the passage was insinuating that there was a female version of god. That was something I had never heard of before but it was interesting to me so I decided to come with her to her bible study.

Long story short it ended up being this organization called "The World Mission Society Church of God." I went to their church and spent hours with them every Wednesday and Saturday because they made me feel accepted. They welcomed me and became like my family which I didn't have at the time.

Something I really loved about them was that their church was so diverse. There were so many different kinds of people there, I really felt welcome. Because growing up churches seemed so segregated. I'm biracial, my mom is white and my dad is black so growing up we either went to the white church or the black church. And at both I felt like people would stare at me and my family and that I wasn't welcome there.

So it felt really nice to have such a diverse church where I felt truly welcomed. Anyway, I ended up making a lot of friends there and I stayed with them for about 6 months. Then I figured out they were actually a cult. It's a long story but I won't go into it because this isn't even the main part yet.

After leaving the World Mission Society I felt really lonely again because I lost the only friends and sense of belonging I had. But I had to just keep going.

Maybe about 3 months later this random Korean guy approached me on campus and he asked me if I'd like to participate in a survey thing about the bible. I was skeptical at first because my previous church had told me that every Korean person was a part of their church. (Which obviously is NOT true). But my mind was thinking, "Oh no, what if they are trying to get back to me."

But I decided that it's not right to assume that this man is a part of that cult just because he's Korean. So I agreed to participate in this survey and I gave him my phone number.

Basically, a professor was writing a book where she'd answer people's most common questions about the bible. And she was surveying students to collect questions for the book. It sounded pretty cool to me so I was very interested.

I met up with the professor at a Starbucks on campus and I answered her questions about things I've always wondered about the bible. We'll call this lady Anya.

During our meeting, I expressed to Anya how I felt discarded by god because of my previous cult experience. I felt like I wasn't worthy of his love and I was very ashamed of what I did. Because we would literally pray to a human man who claimed to be god. After leaving I knew that wasn't true, and I figured god no longer loved me for what I did.

Anya was so encouraging and kind. She told me that is it 100% untrue, and that god does love me. That he put me through that experience for a reason and it only made me stronger.

Then she offered to do some bible study lessons with me so I could learn things the right way and start to feel a little bit better about my situation. And of course, I agreed. I was desperate to redeem myself and make friends again.

So I started going to this bible study once a week. Which turned to twice a week. Which turned into me going to some woman's house to have lessons. We'll call this woman Cara.

Cara was from Korea and so was her husband, they were extremely nice and welcomed me into their home. They would feed me ramen and cool snacks, and I honestly felt like a part of their family. There were lots of people in this bible study too and I made a ton of friends.

So fast forward, I had been studying the bible with them for about a year now. And nothing crazy, I was learning about the parables of the bible and the meanings of all those things in the bible that make no sense. It was very informative and interesting but nothing outlandish.

They sit us down for this big "reveal" about who the 2nd coming of Jesus is. Now they hyped it up so much and they told us that we can't judge this person no matter what. This whole time I thought it was going to be someone crazy like Kanye West or something. But no, it was an old Korean man.

He seemed unassuming enough? I had never heard of him so I didn't know why they made such a big deal out of it.

Now at this point, you are probably thinking, "Why the hell would you fall for this again?" Listen, trust me I was frustrated with myself when I left but you have to understand these people love-bombed me when I had no one. They became my family when I had none. They lied to me for an entire year so I'd trust them and get close to them before they revealed who they really were.

And they were a church called Shincheonji.

And I had no problem accepting this because these people had been my family and my best friends for an entire year. They'd feed me, watch movies with me, do anything to help me out. So I trusted them wholeheartedly. But really I was just being brainwashed.

So after I found out that they were Shincheonji they put me in their group for advanced students. And I'd begin studying multiple times a week at Cara's house and Anya was always there too. I would join the twice-weekly sermons via zoom as well. Where one of the Korean tribe leaders would give a sermon about something. I was in the Mathias tribe by the way, though that doesn't really matter.

I would do so so much with them, we even all went on a road trip to Houston where the other branch was. They even got me a birthday cake and surprised me for my birthday too. It was honestly great, and I loved them a lot.

We were basically encouraged to recruit as many people as we can because if we don't they will go to hell. They put so much pressure on us for this. They'd say things like, "Don't you want to save them?" And I am a very empathetic person so I felt like omg I want to save everyone! But on the other hand, ever since I joined Shincheonji my anxiety and depression went through the roof. The pressure to save the entire world is a lot for a 21-year-old girl. So I never recruited anyone myself because I didn't want them to have to struggle with the same mental health issues I did when I joined.

I also had some physical health issues arise as well. Their teachings would always preach how "The word of god is all the food we need." How spiritual food was more important than physical food. And that really stuck with me, especially when I got food poisoning and I couldn't eat solid food for two weeks. Something about not eating made me feel good. Like I didn't even need food because the word of god was enough, so why not just not eat at all? Not eating felt like the only thing I could control, so I clung to it. And I became anorexic. Being with Shinchenji was the only time I was ever considered underweight.

Anyway, I have so many crazy stories to tell about my time with them but I'll save those for another day.

I had been with them for about two and a half years before I started to question things.

We got a new teacher from Korea to replace Cara because she was going to have a baby. And this new teacher was a lot different and a lot less loving and nurturing than Cara had been.

She had said some things that I didn't agree with, and it started putting some doubt in my mind.

Ok so, on a side note I used to work at the library at my school doing data entry in the basement. And I would listen to podcasts a lot throughout the day as I did my work.

One day I found an interesting podcast about cults, where the host would bring cult victims onto the show and they'd tell their story. Well I was listening to an episode about the Moonies and I thought to myself, "Huh, they sound very similar to Shincheonji in some ways..."

But I knew I could not think such thoughts and that if I did any research then the devil would poison me through the internet. And I needed to strengthen my spirit for even thinking of such a thing.

So I went to reddit, and I found a subreddit called r/Shincheonji. I was like, "Oh yes! Now I can talk to other Shincheonji members and we can strengthen each other's faith!"

But it wasn't a subreddit for believers. It was a subreddit for ex-members and people who were against Shincheonji.

And at this point, I had already seen enough to plant that seed of doubt in me. I read more and more even though Shincheonji warned me I'd be poisoned if I ever researched them. But I couldn't stop myself.

I went through so much inner turmoil, you guys have no idea. My reality was crumbling so hard and I felt like my world was ending. It's hard to explain, but I was so indoctrinated and brainwashed by this point. This really ruined me.

I had to mourn the loss of all of the family and friends I gained these past years. I would cry almost every night because I missed them, and it was so hard to accept that they never truly loved me at all. To be honest, I still think about some of them to this day and I hope they got out and found peace in their lives.

No one in my life had known I was a part of Shincheonji. My closest friends nor my family, who had slowly started talking to me again. But I had to tell someone so I told my childhood best friend, we'll call him Blaine.

I got in a Playstation party with Blaine and I just cried. I cried so so much, and he was so confused. But eventually, I told him everything. And he was really supportive and gave me no judgment at all.

My main issue was, how could I leave? I have quite literally been living a double life this entire time and not having that scared the shit out of me. But Blaine advised me to cut them off completely and just leave without saying anything. Because his concern was that if they got the chance to talk to me, they would most certainly be able to pull me back in. And I know them well enough to know this is true. So that's exactly what I did, I left and went cold turkey. I even went as far as changing my work schedule too.

And here's where things get creepy.

I hadn't spoken to them for about a week now, and I'm at work. I'm working as usual in the basement on the computers and low and behold, three girls walk in. Girls from my cult, girls that I was close to.

Now students aren't allowed to just waltz into this room so they had some big balls to do that. But the weird thing was, I had completely changed my schedule and I was working on a day I normally had off. They should have had no idea I was there.

But here they were, holding a large cup of boba from my favorite place. And in my favorite flavor too, winter milk cap with mango popping bubbles.

They came up to me and said, "Hey girl, we noticed you haven't been coming to worship lately. Is everything alright?"

I said, "Oh uh yeah everything's fine! I've just been super busy with work and a ton of projects for class..."

"Ok, well we got this for you," they handed me the boba, "We were hoping to talk to you. We can wait for you outside and talk to you when you get off."

I started panicking so I said, "My mom is actually picking me up as soon as I get off so I won't be able to, I'm sorry! Maybe another time though, I'll text you."

They were convinced by my response so they left. And boy did I RUN so fucking fast after I got off work. I even called Blaine so he could talk to me in case they came after me, but luckily they didn't and I got home ok.

He started yelling at me for drinking the boba saying, "YOU IDIOT! THEY PROBABLY POISONED IT!"

But hey, free boba is free boba.

Anyway, after that event I knew I had to text that girl and tell her I was deciding to leave Shinchenji because I didn't want them to show up at my job again or follow me around.

So I texted her, trying to be as nice as possible and explain to her that I just couldn't do it anymore. I told her how this affected my mental health and my physical health. How I developed an eating disorder from being in Shincheonji too.

Her response was really rude and condescending. She said my mental health issues and my eating disorder were my fault and the work of satan trying to blame them. She told me that once I leave I can never be accepted into heaven, that I'm damning myself to hell as well as all of my family members. I'll be honest, she made me feel incredibly guilty and selfish for leaving. Their teachings were still ingrained in me. But I knew that I could never return after everything, so I blocked her and never spoke to her again.

Oh yeah and that book the professor was writing in the beginning, that wasn't real and she wasn't a professor. It was just a ruse to lure students in.

I will admit I could never get their teachings out of my head. And to this day, even though I know they were wrong, a part of me believes I am going to hell for what I did and all of my family will suffer because of me. So now I can't even look at a bible, and I no longer consider myself religious.

And after this experience, I reached out to that cult podcast that helped me realize I was also in a cult, and I got an episode of my own where I got to tell my story.

So yeah haha that's my story!

Today only my close friends know, and I never told my parents. They still have no idea and honestly, I don't know if I will ever tell them.

I'm still really plagued by a lot of things they did, and my worldview has never been the same. My life has never been the same. But I've been cult free for about 2 years now so I'm just taking it one day at a time.

I'm sorry this was so long. But if you read the whole thing I want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for reading my story. And if you are a college student, please be careful because cults like this are rampant on college campuses, especially in the U.S.

After leaving the cult, I needed something to obsess over, something to make me feel normal. And that was Gyutaro! And I gotta say, obsessing over him is much healthier than obsessing over the teachings of a cult.

Anyway, I want you all to know that this blog has been an escape for me and helped me to feel normal again after this experience. And I don't need a cult to make me feel loved anymore. Because I have all of you :)

[museofthepyre]

This is making me lose my mind, I need to dig into it. Forgive me if I’m not spot on with this, I’m no biblical scholar, I’m not even religious. I’m just autistic and had a hyperfixation on the Bible. So gather around, we’re having Bible study (CHNT spoilers… sort of).

I’m sure I don’t need to explain the significance of Jesus as a character in the Bible. Son of god, saviour of man, a martyr. What I’m interested in here is Elijah as Peter, and Jedidiah as Judas.

Elijah as Peter… has many implications of what may be to come? If we are to assume this metaphorical connection follows through the rest of the series. Because Peter in the Bible… he was one of the 12 apostles, he was also leader of the first Christian church. But before that, his story was… well, he betrayed Jesus. When Jesus was being arrested by the Romans, accused of being a traitor… Peter disowned Jesus. He said he did not know the traitor (“How could you!? You—you traitor! The ceremony, the congregants… how… I…”). He affirmed that three times. Upon the third time, he looked at Jesus and saw the hurt in his eyes- also a rooster crowed, which was prophesied to mark this betrayal. The look in Jesus’s eyes broke Peter’s heart, he realized what he’d done, ran away, and cried. Bitterly. Remorse and regret and realization of what he did. After the resurrection, he repented, and earned Jesus’s full forgiveness. He went on to lead the first church, and that became his life. His death came in the form of an upside-down crucifiction. His church was blamed for a fire which broke out in Rome, and he was executed- he insisted on being crucified upside down, as he felt unworthy of resembling Jesus in death. Remember this character is ELIJAH VOLKOV in this metaphor. Assuming the betrayal might be… the pyre? Then what comes next? Remorse arc, forgiveness arc? Ohshdhdhgs WHAT DO I MAKE OF THIS???

AND THEN JEDIDIAH AS JUDAS. MY FFFFUCKING GODDDDDD. Judas is another apostle, but he’s mostly known for his betrayal of Jesus- which ultimately lead to Jesus’s death. Judas disclosed his whereabouts to the people who would later crucify him (ordered by Pontius Pilate, at the time Roman governor) for 30 pieces of silver. He identified Jesus and sealed both their fates with a kiss. After the crucifixion- again, realizing what he’d done- Judas was overcome with so much remorse and regret that he hung himself. Thing is, all of this was prophesied/ predestined to be. There are varying opinions on what degree of choice Judas had- if all of this was fate, if it was all predestined, if he was a necessary part of this larger divine plan. The betrayal… I mean I think it’s obvious what that is in this Jedidiah metaphor. But what comes afterwards… ohhhh. Ohhh. My god. I have so many questions. ALSO IN ANOTHER STATEMENT MAYFIELD SAID JEDIDIAH IS MORESO GOD IN A WAY??? AND SYDNEYS STILL JESUS???? I thought Lucille would for sure parallel Pontius Pilate but then HE SAID MOTHER MARY and I’m. What

Adam as Satan requires little analysis… unless. I mean Lucifer was the most beautiful angel in God’s eyes… before he fell from grace.. Something something “Adam looks like Jedidiah but only sometimes” something something “once the most beautiful angel” something something.

Anyways. Thus concludes today’s episode of me rambling I have no clue what to make of any of this. I usually have more concluding thoughts, this time I’m just staring and shaking uncontrolably.

[bruh-2004]

𝑰𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝑰𝒔 𝑮𝒐𝒏𝒆 | 𝑲𝒊𝒎 𝑻𝒂𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒆 (𝒁𝑩𝟏)

SYNOPSIS: you are the girlfriend of Kim Taerae, son of the pastor of the Church in your city, in the view of both families you are obedient and an example of a Christian couple, but only you know what your relationship is like between four walls.

WARNINGS: masturbation on both sides, explicit sex, inappropriate words for children under 18. THIS ONESHOT IS NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND ANY RELIGION OR THE ARTIST'S IMAGE.

Here you are, feeling like you were going to cum faster than the other two times, you and taerae were in a 69 position, you sucking (actually trying to suck) his cock while he fucked your pussy with his tongue.

Damn, it was incredible how he could stick his tongue so deep inside you, unfortunately you had to hold back as much as possible to avoid moaning loudly, you were sleeping at his house, who in this case still lives with his parents who are believers, and what's worse, His father is the pastor of your church, if they saw you now they would definitely kick you out on the spot and you would be forced to end the relationship.

You felt your legs shake as he flicked his tongue side to side in your pussy, his dick also needed your attention, but how would you be able to concentrate when he was better than you at oral?

- "Why did you stop sucking me? Can't you concentrate?

Your boyfriend mocked you, slapping your buttocks and leaving a little kiss afterwards, if there was one thing in this world that taerae wasn't, it's a saint.

- "How will I be able to concentrate if you suck me so well?"

Taerae laughed and you felt two of his fingers moving on your clit, you bit your lips and tried to suck him again at the same pace as his fingers, a goal achieved as you heard him moan softly.

- "That's it, like that... You suck me really well too, baby"

The boy went back to sucking you, still fucking your clit with his fingers, again you struggled to concentrate, your legs didn't take long to start shaking again, Taerae grabbed one of your buttocks eagerly, making you moan a little loudly. You heard footsteps down the hall and started to get scared, you looked at Taerae and he motioned for you to be quiet, obviously you obeyed.

- "Taerae, son, is everything okay there?"

His father's voice was heard, you bit your lip hard when you felt the boy's two fingers penetrating you, he really wasn't afraid of danger.

- "Yes, father, why?"

- "I was passing by and I heard a sound, it sounded like a moan... Is Y/N in any pain?"

You looked at each other and he laughed, fuck his smile made your pussy contract around his fingers.

- "She has a little colic, but she already took some medicine, now she's trying to sleep"

- "I understand, I hope she's okay then, anything just call"

- "Yes sir!"

The men walked away and his naughty smile made you finally cum on his fingers, Taerae removed his fingers from your intimate area and you got off of him, throwing yourself on the bed.

- "Tell me love, where did you learn to lie so well!?"

- "It's a gift I think... Wait, why did you lie down? We're not done yet!"

You looked at him shocked and realized he was serious, you wondered how he could handle so much energy.

- "But baby, I already came for the third time! You fucked my pussy three times in different ways!"

- "So what? We almost became Americans because of you, and you didn't make me come this time"

You sighed in surrender, and no, you didn't feel obligated to do so, on the contrary, you would never get tired of him, you would always want more and more of him. Taerae asked you to get on all fours for him and so you did, soon you felt him caressing your buttocks, you felt his dick brush your entrance and you moaned softly letting it be known that you still wanted more, Taerae laughed and got closer to your ear.

- "Sex only after marriage, ha ha, it seems like I could wait so long to fuck you every day"

His words only made you more excited.

- "Taerae... Please... Fuck me again..."

- "You're so hypocritical, love, it doesn't even seem like you were complaining and playing hard to get... But you need to be punished, and I need to cum, so let's go to our fourth round."

After that, you just saw stars. His dick entered you with such force and ease that you had to cover your mouth with one hand to keep from screaming with so much pleasure, Taerae began to thrust into you with desire, knowing exactly where your g-spot was.

You didn't know how, where and why he managed to be somewhat addicted to it, but you loved it, you couldn't deny that you were too. Taerae grabbed your hair pulling it back making you look at him, the boy smiled at you and kissed you.

He couldn't hold back for so long, he needed to cum, and so did you, so he sped up his movements, trying not to be so rough so the bed wouldn't hit the wall. You both came, and he ended up cumming inside you, this information only made you more excited... It was dangerous, but dangerous can be fucking exciting.

- "I needed this so much that I couldn't even get out of you, I'm sorry baby"

He said, pulling out of you, your body fell onto the bed, now feeling completely exhausted. Taerae helped you with all the aftercare, when you were clean and dressed, ready to sleep, he hugged you from behind and left a kiss on your neck, being a totally different taerae from the taerae of a few minutes ago.

- "I love you tae... And if we weren't so young I would love to have your child"

You said, hearing him laugh, Taerae turned you to face him, the boy left a kiss on your forehead and then on your lips, you hugged him back.

- "I love you too Y/N, and yes, I would love to be a daddy too... One day we will make this dream come true, but now let's focus on sleeping, before we decide to have new children"

He spoke in a joking tone, you laughed even though you knew the joke was wrong, you complemented each other, you were both crazy and not at all holy.

[lightshiningbright]

hello. my name is Leo (he/him). i’m 24, engaged, and recently “turned back” to Christianity and have begun going to an Episcopal church again

i live in a tiny rural town of 600 people, and go to a church with a parish of maybe 20-30ish people. living in rural america where you regularly see the amish gives you a different perspective on life compared to living in cities in new england.

on our old blog, i originally went by the url lightcreepsthrough. currently the blog is inactive but still up under @viaticumz

i used to blog about Christianity actively from about 2017-2020. then it became about our deconversation after our bipolar and DID diagnosis for a few years after.

religion became a difficult subject for our system and i, the “religious alter”, was shut out until just recently. i have now begun to reexplore my relationship with God, while also bringing my partner along through reading the Bible together.

as our whole system begins a new chapter in our life at this moment, i look forward to reconnecting with old friends and make new ones!

[6leggedhorse]

How I Met Loki:Signs I missed

Loki, the god of fire, shapeshifting, trickery, & chaos; they can be wild when it comes down to them revealing themselves to us mortal humans. But today, I decided to make something fun, something less gloomy. I want to openly discuss how I figured out Loki was T-posing in my space, and believe me it took a while for me to figure it out. So feel free to get comfortable, get your favorite drink and snack and cuddle up with your pet because this was a wild one.

In the beginning…

I don’t truly know when Loki came into my life. I speculate it had to have been a long time given the circumstances of my life. I left home after I was being blamed for a freak accident and the home life I had with my family was toxic, I couldn’t function. I left, I moved out in 3 days, I was lucky to have my boyfriend take me in as the situation was intense. But, I got out, I survived, and I began to thrive a bit. But soon, things changed, things began to happen in 3s. I found 3 wallets of the same description back to back to back; once a day. Literally. These wallets were large, black, and expensive looking, they also had money inside; the first wallet I found had $10k in it.

I didn’t think nothing of it, but things got crazier, 666 started to appear, I found it funny and ironic because my employee number at the time had 666 in it. So I started to treat it as a joke, then the number started showing up everywhere. I thought I was being absurd and tried to pretend it didn’t exist and ignore it. That didn’t work out well because Loki just up the ante on the number. I was seeing it almost everywhere and day; I got used to it quickly and it no longer had any effect on me or my attention span.

Well, then my luck began to change, I got a free box of Girl Scout cookies, my work started selling mini tiramisu cakes, my iPad purchase came with 100 dollar gift card for free, the job I wanted, placement in a program I worked insanely hard to get into, and get a stipend that went from 15k to 20k; my luck became batshit insane almost. It was so bizarre cause I didn’t even think about why I just accepted it and thought maybe I was just on a temporary luck streak. I want to make it clear that I didn’t think any deity would want to be in my life, I didn’t pursue deities, and vice versa, I figured I was like the lone wanderer from Fallout, making my own choices and recognizing that my choices do matter. I just figured whatever happens will happen on its own time and that was about it for me.

So Loki ups the ante again, I get invited to three different churches. It was three times in a week if I recall correctly and that was in my eyes, insane. I had random people becoming attracted to me and inviting me out to church. I never gave them a firm promise that I was to go. But because it happened as many times as it died, I truly debated on going to church again. I figured a deity for sure was calling upon me at this rate, but who was it was my question. I figured the number 666, my luck, the church invites, they all mean something. I was certain at this point, but who was it? I thought it may have been the Christian god, but that got debunked because of 666 and the intense increase in good luck. I thought perhaps it was Ishtar, but her signs didn’t line up with what I was dealing with. I was flabbergasted and so confused, I paid for a tarot reading on Etsy, I needed answers.

I bought the reading from LunarCrystalsTarot on Etsy, I purchased the What Deity is Reaching Out reading with crystals and the What Type of Witch are you/Best path to take readings. I waited for what seemed to be forever, but one day, in lecture, I finally got the answer. I was high key smiling because I had the answer I was looking for; EVERYTHING finally made sense. But I wanted to triple check it, so I asked Loki a couple questions and began researching into them. But I wanted to get a final confirmation from someone who was Lokean, I began my goofy search on Tik Tok. I know you’re probably reading this like “Bruh”. Well, it took me 0.1 seconds to find @ChaoticRebirth and discovered that Katie, (@ChaoticRebirth) has a small business and has 10x the experience I have with Loki so I slid over my pouch of gold doubloons and gave her everything I’m tell you now. A while after, I got the response and my final, hardcore, YES.

I was shook to the core, I had so many questions; so many whys, I still have whys. But when I began letting them into my life, I got one helluva a tower moment. I needed to get really serious about getting my mental in order; I was struggling with issues that I didn’t want to address or face head on. I needed to see a psychiatrist, and fast, something was wrong with me, and I had a pretty good idea what I was struggling with, I just didn’t want the diagnosis and stigma that came with it. Eventually, I was seen, and on top of chronic PTSD, my greatest fears became a gods awful reality: I was struggling with an anxiety disorder and eventually I’d learn I was also dealing with Inattentive ADHD. I cried when I got the second diagnosis, I wanted to hide, I knew that was causing me pain, but it made it 100x worse that I was right when I wanted to be wrong.

So I get medicated, I fought with my partner on and off via text and voice messages about when I should start the medication. After fighting over it, I took it and as of the 20th of this month I’m 4 months into being able to accept my diagnoses and learning how my brain works. I can finally think clearly, my brain is quiet, there is no more thoughts going off at once at various speeds, my thoughts can slow down and I can process them properly. Now the ADHD part I still struggle with a bit but I’m working on it slowly to help myself function better. Albeit the ADHD is mild, but boy is it still a pain in the ass to deal with. I’ve come to learn that my diagnoses are just that, diagnoses, they’re not labels nor do they define my character. I mean they give me sparkle but I have other things that give me sparkles.

I have other traits that I need to learn to love about myself and be more accepting and allowing myself to grief and learn to let go, and what not a better way in doing that is inviting and embracing chaos. Now of course it’s going to hurt, I’m gonna get triggered, angry, and perhaps cry my eyes out. But that’s part of the process, cause in between that there’s the silly goofy, the laughter, the smiles, shits and giggles, and the spontaneity in my luck. Enjoy the time you have with Loki, cause you will and can learn a lot from them, it might be a lot and intense, but it’s worth it. Just set boundaries and take it slow until you’re ready to pick up the pace.

Epilogue

And that was that Loki is still present in my life, but I await the time where they T pose out of my personal life. And when they do, I’m gonna ugly cry, cause they’re importa to me. Remember to improvise, adapt and challenge. Improvise with what you have, once you can improvise, you will better adapt to your surroundings and succeed in your endeavors. Once you realize you can successfully adapt, you will be able to overcome challenges with ease. You will have bumps in the road, but you’ll get through it!

I strongly recommend @ChaoticRebirth (Katie) on Tik Tok and Instagram and LunarCrystalsTarot on Etsy as they’re both very knowledgeable people and are strong in their talents in divination.

Until next time! Drink water! Take your medication! Breathe!

[merthwyn]

My thoughts about Kat Von D

I had no idea who she was up until all the news came out about her recent baptism. I went to her FB and Instagram account to "get to know her". Needless to say that I did not like either her lifestyle nor her music. And I do see that these two stay the same even after her conversion which I find quite worrying.

HOWEVER

I am sick and tired of the judgemental Christians out there. Dozens of times the effects of being born again take years to actually appear. And even if they do, you can still be a "not Christian enough" for many self-righteous Christians and churches. Personally, unlike Kat Von D, I'm not doing spooky sensual music with vampires, I'm not covered in tattoos, I don't have a controversial lifestyle, I'm not dressed like a witch all the time. Unlike Kat Von D, I am "normal". But GUESS WHAT! I'm still an abomination for dozens of Christians just because I don't "fit in" their church's lifestyle!!! 😱

My point is: Yes her situation is quite worrying. But if you spend more time judging her instead of praying for her, you are part of the problem. You forget that the enemy hates seeing people approaching God so he does his best to stop this. You forget that we are in a continuous spiritual warfare. And you also forget that people coming out from witchcraft (like Kat Von D) need extra care, prayers and warfare. I myself was tempted to get into witchcraft before I became a Christian and I did made my first steps into it. Even today, although in an extremely weak form, the temptation is still here. I do fight it but this doesn't mean it's not here. So, if I am tempted, imagine what happens with people who were completely into witchcraft for their whole life!!

JUDGE LESS, PRAY MORE. And, maybe, study the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector. It may say things about yourself.

[didnt-hear-cold-as-you-live]

i used to just sleep through the whole day, and i would get really pissy over the years when people bought me Christmas gifts despite me repeatedly stating i don’t celebrate. no one took me seriously which fueled my disdain.

but i never believed in santa or anything so there’s never been any holiday spirit in me. as i got older and began to see where in society our rights are being targeted from, i became aware of how shady school was too: school prayer at age 6, attending church around the holidays in high school to sing hymns/listen to prayers (just give me the half-day off!), how the school calendar is structured around Christianity e.g. Easter holidays. i went to public school; there should not have been this kind of influence. drawing pictures of how the world was created in seven days at AGE 10 is so stupid.

tl;dr, sorry, i gave you my life story

no don't be sorry at all!!! okay no this totally checks out to me, and is absolutely MORTIFYING that this was the case at public schools.

People turn a lot of uproar about how Trump wants to mandate prayer in schools and stuff now; i am genuinely shocked to learn from you this was already happening. Do you live in the south??

I am from a very religious family (i have TWO aunts who are nuns), and also from New England where that would never happen in a public school, but I was thissssss close to being sent to a religious K-8 school, and then again almost forced to attend a religious high school. I am happy my family somehow got the message that that would simply be Not A Good Idea and let up on it, because if they hadn't, and I did have to deal with things like that, I probably would feel the same way as you. There's only so much you can take people absolutely shoving something you don't like down your throat before you turn away from it completely.

[thegodthief]

Let me think of a question yes it is the ask box....... Would you be okay sharing more about the spirits you work with? I don't need like a list of details but more like, how have they impacted your life, I guess? And what is your relationship to them

As is my habit, I'll begin at the end.

There is nothing new written under the jump. Rather, it is all observations and statements I have made over time about spirits that long-time readers will recognize immediately.

"Adiutor" is a familiar given to me by Malphas for reasons only known to him. I didn't ask for her, and when she first made her appearance, it took Malphas holding me still and formally introducing her for me to believe it. She had a different nom de plume in my public writings for a while, but wanted something formal after it became clear that Malphas may have given me a familiar, but what I received was a secretary.

She has helped me with the timing of some things, and the finding of some things, the working of some things, and the interaction of some things. To receive her meant creating a physical anchor for her, which I did in the form of a simple poppet. Something specific went into the body of that poppet such that when I'm calling upon her but I'm not in the immediate vicinity of the poppet, I feel that specific something inside the proper place within my body.

(So once upon a witching night, when something tried to lure me away claiming to be her, now you know why I knew at once that it wasn't her. You can't dupe the tell if you don't know what it is.)

She will assist with Cyprianic work, but anything "purely" angelic can fuck right on out. I've also noticed certain boundaries that she refuses to cross and boundaries that she will not cross, and I think it's best for all involved that I not try to force those issues.

~

"Hollow" is... a friend. He's not a familiar, not bound to direct service, not a servitor. What I know of his past is that he has been wandering for quite a while and found a nice cozy place to rest in the flame of an non-dedicated candle. When the candle extinguished I thought that would be the last of his presence, but all it took was another candle and here he is again.

I first thought he was a passing fire (aspected?) spirit that took opportunity of free room and board. But the other spirits in my krew kept telling me that he was one of the Wandering Dead and that I either needed to ground/house him, chase him off, or make him pass through, otherwise there would be trouble. What kind of trouble? The kind of trouble that come looking to make a lunch out of him and decide to make dinner out of me instead.

After some review of the matter, I offered Hollow a deal: Become part of my krew and be housed, but in return he has to work to my benefit, or move on because I found what would be coming for him shortly and I was not going to risk that hard a something for that much of a nothing. He chose to stay. A suitable ceramic device was obtained and he was installed in it via a ritual that went sideways at the worst possible time because of very terrifying reasons and confirmed that Hollow was once human and that it's always a good idea to research the peoples that were in the land that you are now because they may be gone but their ancestors and gods are still very much around.

He now keeps watch over my spaces and receives tea candles burned inside his container as payment and amusement. It's like watching an old man savoring a good cuppa tea.

~

"Patient Caller" is the reason I looked into St. Cyprian (of Antioch) and Cyprianic magic in the first place. During my time as a [Protestant] Christian, I had it firmly embedded in my head to avoid anything [Roman] Catholic, and of that anything regarding saints, and of them anything about Saint Cyprian in particular because he is an Evil Sorcerer™ in saintly robes. (Which was also justification for that church's literal demonization of anything Catholic because if the Catholics were too stupid to realize the demonic nature of St. Cyprian then nothing else about them could be trusted.)

I had always known he was "hanging around" me, but because reasons, he couldn't approach me unless I summoned him to me first. Which I did, over a literal life-changing series of thirty days.

Let's talk about learning the hard way that fire is hot, water is wet, and just because you can see spirits doesn't mean that you can do jacque shitte about it.

I had left Christianity for over a decade by the time I tried that series of summons. Oh, I was so sure of myself and my ability to magic. So sure that all I had to do was read these well-vetted words from the Book of Oberon, and use this half-fucked, school-glue stitched ritual to get exactly what I wanted from The Spirits™ without any repercussion whatsoever because I was a Magus™!

To the surprise of none of you readers, I got my ass kicked, coming and going. I became oath-bound to get a particular ring that would bind Patient Caller to me, bind me to the life of a magician, and bind me to a particular path of magic which in hindsight is hilarious as fuck, because it's the very path that the Christian churches I was in were willing to kill me to prevent. (That ring has been obtained.)

But, along the way, I took the steps necessary to get myself and my daughter out of a very dangerous situation and to start our lives over. I confronted several of my fears. I confronted portions of myself that I never wanted to consider, much less reconcile with.

Sometimes, because trauma, it is difficult for me to interact with anything Christian or Christianity-adjacent. The fact that I have TWO bibles in my book stacks is a minor miracle in itself. Patient Caller is there to help me pull myself through those Christianity-adjacent rituals. For all my pain, it is clear that this is one of my pathways, and that it is one I am very effective in working.

Because reasons, I have a deep belief that Patient Caller is a human spirit in service to St. Cyprian, that also happens to be in my physical lineage as well as my magical.

He regards Adiutor with deep amusement and considers her presence to be a mark of achievement and progress on my part as a magician.

~

"Horatio" The first one. A gift I did not ask for. An entity that I have written as "Rummer John" from the start (and will never acknowledge the name the rest of y'all know him by because reasons) once plucked a skull from his table and handed it to me with no instruction other than to take it.

Bloody fucking hell, I was so god damn naïve. Grade-A Dumbass. No knowledge or understanding of what RJ had done. No consideration of the responsibility that had just been forced on me. Just glitter and butterflies and isn't it unethical for me, a descendant of slaves, to be the master of a spirit tee hee? This is a modern time and these are modern ways and aren't people like me supposed to be working for the enlightenment of humanity as a whole and the raising of the global consciousness? Shouldn't I be working to free the spirit trapped in the skull than to, I dunno, put the spirit to work?

The White Magic (pun very fucking much intended) that I had been taught by those few practitioners I had found around my town had taught me that I had a duty to only work good works and that the lesser, primitive magics that involved binding the spirits of the dead was unethical and the mark of a wounded soul. The few that I felt safe telling my story to impressed upon me a necessity to release Horatio "into the Light™" as soon as possible.

I found out the hard way that RJ had bound Horatio to me in such a way that the only way to release him from my service is for me to die first. Like. Literal death.

I didn't know what to do with him, so I let him do anything. A couple of years of bullshit later, he allowed me to get hurt by an avoidable harm that left physical marks. I finally realized I was way over my head and sought council of someone I trusted. That someone dragged me through the school of hard knocks while also teaching me how to be a spirit's master, and of that all I can say is that there is nothing in mainstream culture that will ever prepare you for the world of the spirits. The only way to cross that river is to get in, learn to swim, and hope you survive the effort.

Horatio earned that moniker when he found out that I had been writing publicly of him but using a name other than what he had given me. He demanded to be called "Yorick" after that one reference in that one play, but by that time I was starting to get tired of his shit and said no, that I would write "Horatio" instead because he didn't earn the right to be called out with respect. (It is a common error to say the name of the skull in that play is Horatio instead of Yorick. And the skull in that play is regarded reverently for reasons far beyond what I can get into here. But trust me, the 'misname' was a deliberate slight.)

In time I learned that Horatio could intervene for me regarding a certain class of spirits. A class that I was excluded from direct interaction with because of my (lack of) upbringing and cultural descent. In exploring that possibility, I learned more about myself, my heritage(s) that my family lineages did not want to acknowledge, and that some connections can and will jump barriers deliberate and ignorant.

He is currently keeping watch over my space with Hollow, with whom he superficially bickers with even as they watch each other's metaphorical backs. But as my studies into what I can and can't do keep turning in upon itself, I have a strong feeling that I am going to bring him back to the fore.

~

There are others. Ancestors. Gods. Powers. Forces of the land. Angels of divinity. Angels that have nothing to do with divinity. Things I see awake. Things I see in dreams. Things I see when 'hypnogogia' is too sterile a word for the state I am in. There is a dragon I pass to and from work but our worlds are not aligned well anymore so we just nod in mutual muted awareness as I go.

There are entities that I will no longer speak of because the world has changed and what was a trivial thing to muse upon before would be disrespectful to whisper in code now.

There are entities I encountered in oath-bound rituals that I can't speak of, and entities that I had encountered prior to those rituals, but because of their involvement, I will never speak publicly of them again.

I really thought my world had become small and that I had lost sight of so much. But in working out what to write here and what to write about, I realize that I haven't lost sight of anything. I just forgot to look up. I had... am... permitting the mundanity of taxes and reports and meetings to take over space that had been set aside for the world that encompasses such things.

I thought I had lost my touch.

I forgot what it is to feel.

Okay. Let's go.

[cosmicdream222]

Hiii your void off tape is sooo good, I'm going to listen to it!! I noticed you put "amen", do you believe in god/ are a Christian? I am, but I find it hard to keep up with my beliefs now that I'm practicing the law and calling esp myself a god (I know you don't have to fully believe you are god but just have his abilities of control, omnipotence etc) . If you don't mind can you share how you believe in loa and your beliefs simultaneously. Again I know religion can be a personal subject so feel free to ignore if you don't feel comfortable sharing🧡

Thank you! ❤️

I prob should have mentioned that line! There is a creator on YT who makes afffirmations (link to the video here) and she used the line “creation is finished! abracadabra, amen, so be it, and so it is” to end one of her aff tapes and I really liked it since it covered all the bases of certainty. I debated taking that line out to post on here but I didn’t want to remake the whole tape 😅 so yeah that’s the story behind that lol

I personally was raised Christian, although not strict at all, the kinda family that just went to church on Easter and Christmas lol. Later, in my 20s, I was seeking answers and went through a phase where I became very religious. I prayed and thoroughly studied the Bible every day, went to church every Sunday and young adult groups etc for a couple years.

But eventually I found that it was making up a lot of rules where they didn’t need to be, and making everyone feel bad about themselves with being “sinners”, condemning others’ personal choices, focusing on the bad instead of the good. I also believe that there is far too much human interference in religion, the original message has been corrupted by centuries of censorship and the patriarchy.

Neville actually references the Bible a lot in his work, and from what I now understand about loa plus the work of Jesus, I believe Jesus was teaching the ultimate concept of loa. His teachings like “ask and it will be given to you” and “if you have faith to move a mountain, it will move” align right up with loa. Not to mention, if he was walking on water, and turning water into wine, he was definitely displaying master manifestor/shifting abilities!

I did notice I had some deep-seated religious beliefs around saying “I am god” too. It felt blasphemous/inappropriate/uncomfortable to say I am god, which is why I chose to use “I am the creator/boss” type affs instead.

But I guess now I believe something along the lines of nondualism (but I kinda hate how it’s portrayed on tumblr lol) where we are all one. We are all the same consciousness/spirit, that stems from one creator. Basically, God the creator wanted to experience the creation in as many different ways as possible, and that is what we are.

Our human bodies & this earth reality are the creation, which is really an illusion. The only truth is our higher consciousness/intuition/soul, which IS God, who is experiencing the creation.

Just my personal beliefs and idk if it makes much sense but I hope that helps :)

[taliatravels]

Back in Uganda again - 10 years later

Stepping off the plane in Entebbe, I was surprised how familiar everything still feels. The air smells the same, the accents tickle the ear the same way, the shops are brightly painted with the same paints. To be back somewhere after nearly ten years is such a blessing. I often find myself thinking about how much has changed since 2015--I now have a bachelor, a masters, and a new citizenship, I survived a global pandemic, I moved to Vienna (twice)--but I also marvel at how much is the same. Returning to Red Chilli, the same hotel where my Ugandan adventure began last time brought a special sort of nostalgia. 

But last time I was here, I missed out on touring Kampala. So this time, I was determined not to make the same mistake twice. I set off bright and early on a city tour of Uganda's capital. We started with a tour of the Old Taxi Park, where you can catch a ride to anywhere in Uganda--and some places even farther than that. Following the taxi park, we did a quick jaunt through the Okiwano Market, the biggest market in the city.

After, we made our way up Old Kampala Hill to the Gaddafi National Mosque. The mosque sits on top of the tallest hill in the city, where the British first built their colonial capital. The mosque was first begun by Idi Amin but was not completed before he was ousted in 1979. The mosque remained incomplete until 2002, when Gaddafi visited Kampala and pledged to finish the project. The mosque is built with wood from the Congo, carpets from Turkey, lamps from Egypt and art from Saudi Arabia. After the tour of the interior, we walked up the 292 steps (woof) of the minaret to see the best view of Kampala; from the top, you can see the city stadium, the first Anglican church and the first Catholic church in the city, and the Makerere University campus. 

Next, we traveled to Kabaka Palace, where the kings of Buganda Kingdom used to live. The palace was built in the late 1880s and housed three Bugandan kings before it was commandeered by Idi Amin's forces in the 70s. The palace armory then became the scene of torture and execution for thousands of innocent Ugandans. The guide told me to take a picture of the torture chamber, though I have not included it here, so that I could "remember the horrors of that time."

After perhaps the most depressing part of the tour, we went to lunch. For lunch, we stopped at a small local restaurant called Maama Barbarou, where we feasted on rice, brands, beef stew, yams and more to fortify us before our final stop.

Last, but not least, we visited the Martyr's Shrine, which was built at the site where the 32 first Christians in Uganda were killed for their faith in the late 1800s. The church is magnificent, built in a circular shape to resemble a traditional African home, the interior made of magnificent mahogany wood. On the 3rd of June every year, the area is overtaken by over one million pilgrims, many of whom walk from their homes in Uganda, Rwanda, Kenya, Tanzánia and Burundi. While I was visiting, the guide showed me the exact spot where the martyrs were burned alive, which is now where the church's alter sits. Outside, there is a large amphitheater, which was filled with pilgrims celebrating their faith.

Though the tour of Kampala was a little depressing, I am glad they I got to bettet understand the city and her people before heading to my next location.

[ruminate88]

My upbringing and the way I interpreted it: Leading me to be emotionally abused

I grew up in a mostly positive but Christian home. Both parents extremely giving and forgiving as well. I watched them help people out my whole life and never ask for anything in return. I watched them make friends and lose friends. Watched them serve our church and total strangers that would visit. My parents always held out their hands to everyone who needed it. I saw that and believed “love” and “charity” was the most important two things in the whole world.

At 15, I was homeschooled because I did so terrible in school AND we had to move in with my grandma who has dementia. Both my parents had to work so during the day I took care of my grandma…. Also, my brother needed help with his kids so I began to help raise his kids. 7 years my grandma lived with dementia. She would hear and see things. She would forget where her purse was and accuse me of stealing it. Her dementia was called “Sun Downers” which means her mental didn’t really act up till the evening time. A total of 11 years, I pretty much raised my bro’s kids.

I was nurturing, I was extremely forgiving and use to putting other’s needs before my own. I was taught in church that Jesus suffered for others AND turned the other cheek when people mistreated him. I was literally the perfect candidate for insecure, jealous and selfish men. I was willing to put their needs first and that’s what they wanted. I was a people pleaser to a fault. I was willing to forgive so fast. So I let so much happen to me that I not only didn’t understand WHAT was happening but didn’t realize how it would affect me years later.

I also had a horrible porn addiction from the time I was 15 till well into my 20s. I would stop for a season because it made me feel so much shame but then start it up again. I confused “love and forgiveness” with “sex and lust.” I wanted a man I could just spoil so badly. I wanted a man that wanted my “love and affection” more than they wanted air…. I wanted a man that just wanted to hold me soooo tight and feel all my love. I wanted us to just be so madly crazy in love. Movies and tv shows portray this but it’s not real. Porn is not real. I was very twisted and confused about “love” in my 20s.

When I met Cody and he lovebombed me, wow. That was the most intense experience I’ve EVER had!!! Cody was telling me he was “obsessed with me” and saying “I love you” 24/7. Oh my gosh!! We were texting “I love you more, no I love you more” just constant intense proclamations of love. It was SO CRAZY that I sat on my bed reading his text and my stomach turned. I was SICK!!!! I wanted to throw up. I wanted to cry my eyes out. It was too good to be true. 🤯 I couldn’t eat and I didn’t sleep. I talked to Cody 24/7 and it was more than I could handle. However, it was EXACTLY what I had dreamt of. A man that could tangle himself in me and not let go. A man that could just be all over me and be in heaven with me. It was sex and lust, not love. I just was so confused on my way of thinking back then. 🥺❤️‍🩹

When Cody randomly dumped me, ouch. It was a huge shock and rocked my world. It made NO SENSE and sucked like hell. He made me so unstable and anxious. I became very desperate and clingy. When Cody came back at the end of the summer and “took me back” wow. I instantly forgave him and did whatever he wanted. He talk about us moving in together and I didn’t agree with it, I wanted marriage but I went along with it becuase I was too desperate and anxious to say no. I didn’t want him to leave me again….

Eventually, Cody ghosted me 😱 after all the talk about “moving in” and uh, I died that night. I was a zombie for months. I hated myself and didn’t know how I would get on with life. I met Andrew less than 6 months later though and it took time but eventually I started to let my guard down and Andrew also love bombs me. Wow…. I still didn’t know what “love bombing” was and becuase I was so hurt by Cody, Andrew made me feel amazing again!!! I started to believe I’m falling in love with Andrew and trying to make plans to meet him. I’m picking out our baby’s name and I’m ready to give Andrew everything ❤️‍🩹

Andrew’s actions didn’t match his words and he always acted so “busy” and said it wasn’t a good time to tell our parents about our relationship or date in front of friends. I was very hurt that he was keeping me a secret but was too desperate and anxious still to demand anything from Andrew or stand up for myself. Andrew would never break up with me which confused me yet he acted like I was bothering him but at random moments, would praise me and make me feel so wanted by him. He would cry to me “he’s not good enough for me” but was the one making me feel unworthy. I constantly felt paranoid that he’s cheating and hiding things from me.

Andrew would often ignore me in the relationship for days and put me in isolation but I always forgave him when he came back. I had nooooo idea it was “abuse.” I was totally in the dark of everything and just way too nice and naive. Taking Andrew for his word. Giving him the benefit of the doubt but also knowing like Cody, he can leave whenever and hurt me… So, being afraid for Andrew to “leave me”, I kissed his butt so hard and praised the ground he walked on. I treated Andrew like he’s a king and a celebrity! I truly thought Andrew was so special and felt so unbelievably shocked he “wanted me” like I knew it was all too unreal and thought Andrew was way more attractive than me…. Hah I thought he could date prettier girls than me. I sadly compared myself to his exes and thought they were prettier than me too. 😓

I had major self worth issues that I did not recognize or address. I was just so use to taking care of people, putting their needs before my own and serving people. I just misinterpreted my whole childhood completely. I found out the hard way, Andrew was using me and lyng to me and I made it all too easy for him. The way I treated him like a king. I wanted to give him the world…. 💔

Today, I still struggle to love myself but I know and believe God is love and loved me. God gave me purpose to be on this planet and while I believe God still calls us to “love and forgive” people, no where does the Bible say people please and to stay with someone who lies, cheats and abuses you. I think God would want me to remove myself from manipulation and to NOT retaliate. I don’t believe God wants me to get back at my exes or try to make justice. I’m still learning and trying to understand where the line is drawn.

Ultimately, forgiveness is a process. Daily unraveling the lies told to me by porn, tv and my exes. The toxic messages I received and the people pleasing. This “big grand love” I wanted so long isn’t in people. It’s not on this earth. I KNOW God protected me from Andrew even though I thought I loved him and it’s been hard to fully accept and let go. I’ve been far from perfect and I don’t expect my exes to be perfect. I still care about their souls and what happens to them…. I know they will never probably want good for me, idk that for sure but seems that way.

Healing from Cody and Andrew has been super painful and hard. I’ve failed so many times. I’ve had so many emotions and feelings towards them. One minute I’m angry at them, anther I’m irritated, I’m sad, frustrated and sometimes I miss them 😆🥺😓❤️‍🩹 sometimes I just wanna run and hug them. I do believe they’ve had trauma at some point becuase why did they traumatize me??? Some days I beat myself up saying “it’s not that bad” then other days I think, “oh you’ve been traumatized, you have to rest and take it easy.” Ugh. Which is it? Hah

Real love is not crazy, intense or sickening. It’s not fleeting or chaotic. It’s not an overwhelming feeling. REAL LOVE seems to be peaceful, honest, long lasting and gentle. Seems to be a choice more than a feeling. FORGIVENESS is also a choice and an action word. To forgive the abuse, you have to believe in the power of forgiveness but know it’s not a magical fix all. It’s work. But what work is involved to heal from toxic relationships?? For me, it seems to be resting, confronting the abuse and lots of reflection. Spending time alone with yourself in a quiet space. Forgiving yourself as much as you forgive the past.

Taking it all one day at a time ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[orthodoxydaily]

Saints&Reading: Wednesday, May 8, 2024

april 25_may 8

THE HOLY DISCIPLE AND EVANGELIST MARK (63)

The Holy Apostle and Evangelist Mark, also known as John Mark (Acts 12:12), was one of the Seventy Apostles and a nephew of Saint Barnabas (June 11). He was born in Jerusalem. The house of his mother, Mary, adjoined the Garden of Gethsemane. As Church Tradition relates, on the night that Christ was betrayed, he followed after Him, wrapped only in a linen cloth. He was seized by soldiers and fled away naked, leaving the cloth behind (Mark 14:51-52). After the Ascension of the Lord, the house of his mother, Mary, became a place where Christians gathered and a place of lodging for some of the Apostles (Acts 12:12).

Saint Mark was a very close companion of the Apostles Peter and Paul (June 29) and Barnabas. Saint Mark was at Seleucia with Paul and Barnabas, and from there he set off to the island of Cyprus, and he traversed the whole of it from east to west. In the city of Paphos, Saint Mark witnessed the blinding of the sorcerer Elymas by Saint Paul (Acts 13:6-12).

After working with the Apostle Paul, Saint Mark returned to Jerusalem, and then went to Rome with the Apostle Peter. From there, he set out for Egypt, where he established a local Church.

Saint Mark met Saint Paul in Antioch. From there he went with Saint Barnabas to Cyprus, and then he went to Egypt again, where he and Saint Peter founded many churches. Then he went to Babylon. From this city the Apostle Peter sent an Epistle to the Christians of Asia Minor, in which he calls Saint Mark his son (1 Pet 5:13).

When the Apostle Paul came to Rome in chains, Saint Mark was at Ephesus, where Saint Timothy (January 22) was bishop. Saint Mark went with him to Rome. There he also wrote his holy Gospel (ca. 62-63).

From Rome Saint Mark traveled to Egypt. In Alexandria he started a Christian school, which later produced such famous Fathers and teachers of the Church as Clement of Alexandria, Saint Dionysius of Alexandria (October 5), Saint Gregory Thaumatourgos (November 5), and others. Zealous for Church services, Saint Mark composed a Liturgy for the Christians of Alexandria.

Saint Mark preached the Gospel in the inner regions of Africa, and he was in Libya at Nektopolis.

During these journeys, Saint Mark was inspired by the Holy Spirit to go again to Alexandria and confront the pagans. There he visited the home of Ananias, and healed his crippled hand. The dignitary happily took him in, listened to his words, and received Baptism.

Following the example of Ananias, many of the inhabitants of that part of the city where he lived were also baptized. This roused the enmity of the pagans, and they wanted to kill Saint Mark. Having learned of this, Saint Mark made Ananias a bishop, and the three Christians Malchos, Sabinos, and Kerdinos were ordained presbyters to provide the church with leadership after his death.

The pagans seized Saint Mark when he was serving the Liturgy. They beat him, dragged him through the streets and threw him in prison. There Saint Mark was granted a vision of the Lord Jesus Christ, Who strengthened him before his sufferings. On the following day, the angry crowd again dragged the saint through the streets to the courtroom, but along the way Saint Mark died saying, “Into Your hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit.”

The pagans wanted to burn the saint’s body, but when they lit the fire, everything grew dark, thunder crashed, and there was an earthquake. The pagans fled in terror, and Christians took up the body of Saint Mark and buried it in a stone crypt. This was on April 4, 63. The Church celebrates his memory on April 25.

In the year 310, a church was built over the relics of Saint Mark. In 820, when the Moslem Arabs had established their rule in Egypt and oppressed the Christian Church, the relics of Saint Mark were transferred to Venice and placed in the church named for him.

In the ancient iconographic tradition, which adopted symbols for the holy Evangelists borrowed from the vision of Saint John the Theologian (Rev 4:7) and the prophecy of Ezekiel (Ez. 1:10), the holy Evangelist Mark is represented by a lion, symbolizing the might and royal dignity of Christ (Rev 5:5).

Saint Mark wrote his Gospel for Gentile Christians, emphasizing the words and deeds of the Savior which reveal His divine Power. Many aspects of his account can be explained by his closeness to Saint Peter. The ancient writers say that the Gospel of Mark is a concise record of Saint Peter’s preaching.

One of the central theological themes in the Gospel of Saint Mark is the power of God to achieve what is humanly impossible. The Apostles performed remarkable miracles with Christ (Mark 16:20) and the Holy Spirit (Mark 13:11) working through them. His disciples were told to go into the world and preach the Gospel to all creatures (Mark 13:10, 16:15), which is what they did.

ST ANIANUS SECOND BISHOP OF ALEXANDRIA (86)

Anianus was a cobbler who was the first person St. Mark won to Christianity after arriving in Alexandria. Having stopped for Anianus to repair his sandal, Mark took the opportunity to preach the Gospel of Christianity to him after Anianus exclaimed, "Heis ho Theos" ("God is one") when he cut himself making the repair.[1] Having shown himself a believer in monotheism, Anianus invited Mark to his home where he taught Anianus' family the Gospel, baptized all of them, and then quickly converted many of the local people.

Before he temporarily left Alexandria, Mark ordained Anianus a bishop, three presbyters, and seven deacons and charged them with overseeing the church in the area in his absence. After Mark's martyrdom, Anianus succeeded him and led the church in Alexandria for the next fourteen years, ordaining new priests and deacons for the growing church.

St. Anianus died peacefully in the year 82 and was buried next to St. Mark at the church in Bucalis.

ACTS 2:22-36

22 Men of Israel, hear these words: Jesus of Nazareth, a Man attested by God to you by miracles, wonders, and signs which God did through Him in your midst, as you yourselves also know- 23 Him, being delivered by the determined purpose and foreknowledge of God, you have taken by lawless hands, have crucified, and put to death; 24 whom God raised up, having loosed the pains of death because it was not possible that He should be held by it. 25 For David says concerning Him: 'I foresaw the LORD always before my face, For He is at my right hand, that I may not be shaken. 26 Therefore my heart rejoiced, and my tongue was glad; Moreover my flesh also will rest in hope. 27 For You will not leave my soul in Hades, Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption. 28 You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence.' 29 Men and brethren, let me speak freely to you of the patriarch David, that he is both dead and buried, and his tomb is with us to this day. 30 Therefore, being a prophet, and knowing that God had sworn with an oath to him that of the fruit of his body, according to the flesh, He would raise up the Christ to sit on his throne, 31 he, foreseeing this, spoke concerning the resurrection of the Christ, that His soul was not left in Hades, nor did His flesh see corruption. 32 This Jesus God has raised up, of which we are all witnesses. 33 Therefore being exalted to the right hand of God, and having received from the Father the promise of the Holy Spirit, He poured out this which you now see and hear. 34 For David did not ascend into the heavens, but he says himself: 'The LORD said to my Lord, Sit at My right hand, 35 Till I make Your enemies Your footstool." ' 36 Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly that God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.

MARK 6:7-13

7 And He called the twelve to Himself and began to send them out two by two, and gave them power over unclean spirits. 8 He commanded them to take nothing for the journey except a staff bag, no bread, no copper in their money belts- 9 but to wear sandals and not to put on two tunics. 10 Also, He said to them, "In whatever place you enter a house, stay there till you depart from that place. 11 And whoever will not receive you nor hear you, when you depart from there, shake off the dust under your feet as a testimony against them. Assuredly, I say to you, it will be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrah in the day of judgment than for that city. 12 So they went out and preached that people should repent. 13 And they cast out many demons, anointed with oil many who were sick, and healed them.

[ceofjohnlennon]

Hi. I have been researching about The Beatles and religion, and have come across something interesting. There are multiple Christian blogs online that claim that for a brief time in 1977, John became a born again Christian and had an infatuation for TV evangelical preachers such as Billy Graham and Oral Roberts, and even went to church at least once. It is said that this did not last long, as Yoko had a strong disapproval. There is even a demo included in Lost Lennon Tape compilations called “You Saved My Soul”, which was apparently recorded in November of 1980. These can be found online. It mentions falling for TV preachers. There are also possible mentions of suicide, as apparent with the lyrics, “Remember the time when I went to jump out of that apartment window, On the west side of town of old New York”, and “Oh only you saved me from that suicide”. The lyrics make me believe that it may be true that he had a brief blip with Christianity. What do you think, is there any merit to these claims?

Hello! This topic is very interesting. Regarding John, I don't know if I would say that he became a Christian because I see him much more as an agnostic trying to find a place of faith where he feels comfortable. The relationship between John and religion has always been complex because he thought religion was a form of repression (I agree but I'm not going to go into that personal merit) so in these 40 years of life he never showed that he would be totally practicing a religion without going deeper in others at the same time. In fact John visited churches, both when he was younger and when he was older, in Japan in the 70s for example, but even in 1980 he wore a t-shirt with the Hindu symbol, which shows that he was still open to everything because his curiosity to better understand the world and whoever could guide us was greater than a possible love for just one path. An important detail is that John had already said that he believed in a God, his criticism has always been purely the context that religion has in a society.

Thank you for your question!