#i also went into the fight straight from my hard lucid run

[tastycitrus]

yippee i cleared hard will with (technically) no deaths

[semischarmed]

The Visit

I glance at my phone. 30 minutes. 30 minutes in this chair waiting for the doctor. 30 minutes in a freezing cold examination room wearing nothing but the disposable gown the nurse told me to wear. Now, I’m normally quite patient, but I begin to worry that they may have simply forgotten about me. I sit up straight, ready to leave the chair and ask for the nurse, when my new doctor comes into the room in a rush.

“Hey, Hey! Sorry, sorry. My last patient meeting went a bit over. That alright?“ He grins and verdant eyes sparkle. The man was dreamy. I could say nothing beyond nodding in agreement. 

“Great! Glad to hear it” he beams. I feel an explosion of warmth within my chest and stomach and can’t help but smile back. 

”Thank you so much for understanding. I’m Doctor Ryan! Good to meet you.” I readily shake his hand. Firm. Sturdy. Calloused.  

“Okay great, so we’re just gonna run through your vitals, and… says here you noticed an odd mark show up near your penis?” I flush bright red in embarrassment at the mention. Unperturbed, he continues without skipping a beat “Hmmm.. we’ll definitely want to get that checked. Probably harmless, but could be something bad…  I know the nurse probably covered most of these questions and took your vitals, but [he smirks] just wanna sure we get everything checked correctly, alright?” Damn it. Doctors always have a such way with words, I can’t help but melt in their arms. I feel a numb happy sensation wash over me and again nod in agreement. He was cute, too cute. God. Of course, whatever he thought this appointment was, he was completely off. Most likely picked up the wrong sheet or something, cause I only came for some immunizations. 

Still, the man has me spellbound. I comply with his every whim as he continues running through his normal questioning. In every word, he further puts my will to sleep, with every phrase he draws me closer. To me, his every sentence has progressively slowed the world around us. Not that I’m complaining. I am adrift, motionless in his pool of questioning, sandwiched between warm ocean and sunlight. For a short few moments, I am at peace. I was practically sleeping by the time the second round of questions finished. I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and break my spell slightly and I focus in on his beautiful face. “You okay there, bud?” More nods his way.

“Awesome. Let’s get started then.”

———

The physical was.. something else. We start with just an examination of my body. Pale, scholarly eyes remark on my every blemish, my every curve. It would be a nightmare in any other scenario, but in the secure glance of my doctor, I knew I was safe. Still, near his radiant heat, I could not help but get just a bit flustered. My answers are short, odd, my heart rate jumping to his vicinity.

He wiggles his stethoscope in the air. “We’re just gonna get your heart rate okay?” My mouth is hanging open and drooling slightly, but I nod. Really, it’s all I can do. Stunned to obedience. He just spoke so confidently, so assured in his examination. His tone was out of this world. It’s bright but resonant, like each word reverberated his command in my chest. His voice was no less potent. Sound-waves embrace the air with sweet honey, but an undertone of audible trust. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else, still caught in this man’s spell. Now, a handsome man gets me feeling the same way a doctor often does. But he was both. I can manage nothing beyond a smile and continue nodding “okay.” 

I moan at the touch of the stethoscope. It was ice. Penetrative, cold ice, but in his expert hands, it felt like gift from the man. I imagine the metal is a piece of him, precious metal, precious silver embedding itself in me. I want it in me forever- uh, the man, not the stethoscope. 

He grunts. Fuck. “Sorry” I say sheepishly. That moan was definitely audible then. Further embarrassment floods me, only tempered by by the tingling sense of relaxation I felt in being examined by this man. He takes the odd outburst in stride, giving a half smile before continuing. “Believe it or not, you’re not the first”. The man was a professional through and through.

---

In the middle of making sure my reflexes were still functioning, his face winces, and his upper lip trembles, immediately breaking my illusion. He lets out a quick gasp “Ah.. I.. aahhh” barely audibly. I watch as his knuckles grasp the sides of the cushion in my chair desperately, going white in the process. For the first time in our entire session, the haze cast by this man’s being is broken entirely. I feel the dullness in my mind clear as I take note of the oddness from what had just transpired. His mouth goes wide and his face scrunches up into an emotion that I can’t quite place between pain and pleasure. Maybe both? In any case, before I can even investigate further, it relaxes immediately. Emotionless. 

Then, his eyes twitch before going glassy. Doctor Ryan looked like he was about to throw up. Pleading eyes stare into my soul, but the rest of his face remains blank. I am shocked beyond shocked at this point to do anything beyond stare in disbelief while a shit-eating grin slowly paints his face. His eyes blink back to lucidity- now focused on me, and single tear pools on the corner of his left eye and drips down his cheek. He stops it with his thumb before it can drop further, before nonchalantly wrapping plump lips around it. In a slight suction noise, when he pulls the thumb out his mouth in what looks to be a deliberately seductive manner, staring intently at my face the entire time. What the fuck. 

Immediately, he returns to examining me, making no mention of what had just occurred. This time though, his movements seem just a bit erratic, a bit unrefined. I also catch brief glimpses of that same cringing face every time he moves to the next step in his examination, like he was pulling long-forgotten memories from what should be a fairly standard procedure. He repeats the physical, this time going over my every part much more slowly. Any touch, any connection we had seemed to linger just a bit longer than needed. He almost seemed... Interested? Nervous? Whatever case, with every movement, and every step, his hands get a bit steadier, actions more confident. Whatever just happened to him seemed to be over. I am intrigued, if a bit scared. He was acting suspicious. Too many things seemed to line up for me to dismiss this as just normal checkup. In lustful wishes, I invoke whatever I can, hoping I’m correct. I try to sneak a peak at the outline of his admittedly large penis in his scrubs. Absolutely Flaccid. Odd. Disappointing, to say the least. Whatever this weird, hot doctor was doing, he wasn’t getting off on it.

When he gets to my lower body, he abruptly splits my knees open, spreading my legs wide. Another moan almost escapes me. Thankfully a veil of disposable fabric separates my doctor from my now semi-erect penis. Unthankfully, I can’t help but tent the gown full mast when his ice cold hands begin to trace and snake slowly around my inner thigh. I look at him in shock and he just beams back at me like the past few minutes had not just happened. “Hmmm… great legs…” My face goes crimson and I scream internally at my own inability to control my own body. “Okay, your -hNnggg-ah cha-chart, yes. Apologies for the outburst… your chart seemed to mention some concerns about your penis? Let’s take a closer look” He states, looking up at me with a half-smile. 

“No- er, I think- ah, you got the wrong-” I can barely stammer out a response in the raw stimulation of Doctor Ryan grabbing and gently examining my cock and balls. Pleasure bloomed wherever his fingers glided over. This was a mental battle I could not win. Mind versus body. I was fighting myself, my own urges. He makes gentle cupping motions around my balls, back and forth. I look at him in bewilderment. There was no way this was just for a normal examination. He smiles pleasantly, “just checking for anything out of place… so far, so good”. Mystery solved, I guess. He slowly wraps thick fingers, encircling my cock in an embrace. Not solved. Not solved. I am rock hard. He gives a short chuckle. “Well, at the very least, your nerves appear to be working…. Blood flow looks good as well…Nothing out of the ordinary so far”. I am beet red at this point. Fuck me. I can’t even compose myself in front of this man. 

Then, Doctor Ryan gives it a tug. FUCK. 

“Holy shiiiiiit” I moan out. I turn my head away as my body quivers and gives in to a moment of divine pleasure. Betrayed by my own senses. A second, higher pitched moan escapes my now open throat, barely audible, while the a tiny bit of clear fluid spills onto the doctor’s unflinching hand. I can’t bear to look this guy in the eye. I need a new fucking doctor.

“You know, this is completely natural. Absolutely a normal human body response. Don’t worry about it” he says absentmindedly as he continues. “If anything, at least we know you can still produce, so it doesn’t look like there’s anything to worry about”. He mumbles happily. Outside my sightline, I swear I hear a licking, slurping noise. His hand, looked a bit wetter than before too.That being said, my brain has shut down from humiliation. At this point all I can manage is a blank nod. 

“Well, good news- you’re perfectly hea- Oh! Actually, do you mind?” He begins to unbutton his coat and then proceeds set it on the table beside me.  “You know it’s always a bit hot and stuffy in these rooms”. My eyes can’t help but visually eat at the feast before me. Bare chest and stray hairs poke out from his scrubs. The sleeves are taut around his massive biceps. Despite the objectively unflattering material, it can’t help but conform slightly to his muscular physique. It was pretty clear before, but it was definitely fact now. My doctor was hot as fuck. Something about his last question eats away at my my brain. It wasn’t hot at all. The room is cold, dry, sterile. Hell, this whole hospital is. It’s like he has me back in a trance though. Words smooth as silk, body like sculpture. He had a power over me, so I nod in compliance without even acknowledging how absurd the previous statement was.

“So, as I was saying... the good news is your vitals are all in line.” He laughs kindly, patting my stomach “Maybe eat a bit more protein every now and then”. The voice is warm and reassuring. My brain relaxes to the end in sight to this half dream-half nightmare. I start to get up to get changed before I realize the entire reason for the visit.

“Hey-er, wait! My Immunizations! I needed to get some immunizations done for my-“ 

“Oh?” He cuts me off, eyebrows raised. Intrigue paints his face.  

Then he leans in close, head right up to my ear until the parts of chest peaking from the hospital gown touches the stray hairs poking out from his scrubs. Until we share warmth in that cold examination room. He breathes alongside me in rhythm as he exhales.

“You…don’t need any immunizations. I do… well, I did, anyway. It’s too late for him now...But we do have something planned, for you-we’re gonna try an experimental processss. A brand new… test…just for you...” He whispers. He pauses as he continues to breathe and I feel the hot, damp air emanating from his mouth coat my ear. “We need to test you for... stimulation.” Dear God. That last word he draws out in a far, far different tone than before. It neither clinical nor polite, and it hit like a brick. There was raw emotion in that last word. Raw lust. He cups the other side of my face pulling my left cheek to touch his. Like his chest, it’s quite warm. I’m flush with redness and confusion. I gulp nervously.

His tone returns in its warmth and politeness, contrasted by the intimate position we are in. “Hmmmmm salivating...mmmm... Quite a bit actually. You’re either haven’t eaten… or… you’re hungry for something.” I can’t manage out anything coherent amidst the sensory overload. He continues confidently, “C’mon... I’m your primary care physician? Let me take care of it. Let me take care of you...” He sticks his hand down his own pants, scratching to readjust. With our chests together, I am brought to our present moment. A moment in paradise. When he ebbs, I flow. Like a dance, my chest caves in with every exhale as his puffs out. He does in turn. We were partners. His scent pours out unconfined, unfiltered by distance, concentrated in our proximity. Like rainfall and crushed grass. I could live in it. With our cheeks pressed together, I feel his every movement. Every word spoken drawn in by my inhale. These would be mine to keep. This moment was ours and ours alone. He brings up the same hand, now a bit slimier to take a whiff before shoving that sweaty, funky smelling hand right to my face. I can’t control myself and start inhaling my hot doctor. I lick the man’s hand clean. Delicious.

I continue lapping it up in silence before he finally breaks it to speak. “Mhmmmmm... that’s the stuff... Maybe if we feed you enough of this hot doctor’s cum, you’d pick up on some of his residual intelligence and figure who’s really running this man.” My eyes light up, and the pieces finally all click together in my head. I chuckle. 

“Good to see you too, Ben.”

———

“Leave it to humans to take something so beautifully sensual and twist it. He’s a bit too good at compartmentalizing. In many respects… It’s fucking hot. But, you know, when he’s in this work mode, he sees you as nothing more than sack of meat. We’re not getting anywhere with him without a little push”. Without warning, Ben pulls the doctor’s pants down and fiddles with his new dick- still flaccid. Jesus Christ it’s huge. 

“Look, even this... appendage. Yes that’s an atypical response. I mean look at me, look at this new body we acquired. I’m swimming in this human’s hormones.” He wraps his hand around and begins pumping it. “But see here, it’s still all clinical in this head. I can only get inside him so far. We need something to end this human’s resistance. We need something extra to break him out of this trance. We need raw emotion.”

Just then, the door comes wide open. It’s Austin.

As he closes the door behind him, I see his face more clearly. It’s Austin’s body, but its pilot is undeniably Ben. Austin had a certain swagger to him that my little alien buddy just can’t quite replicate.

Ryan’s mouth opens wide and I watch as his true form exits from my doctor’s mouth and shoot strait into Austin’s welcoming nose. I watch as the doctor goes lucid. His eyes go wide and he stares at me in horror before attempting to escape. Before he can, he is pinned to the ground by the far larger Austin. “Cmon man, smell this fucking body. Feel something”

“If you can’t… we’ll do it for you. We’re going for a wild ride.. relax and enjoy it.” Austin’s eyes roll to the back of his head, and I watch as he gives a crazed grin, jaws open unnaturally wide. His tongue sticks out, his head is bright red, and pulsing silver courses through now-prominent veins. Damn. My Doctor looks at me with one last pleading glance, but all I can do is moan “I want you mine.” 

Doctor Ryan lets out an involuntary scream when he notices the changes in Austin’s face, which only work to his disadvantage as a pulsating, semi-solid mass of silver falls into his open maw. Austin sticks their mouths together. Using his tongue, he maintains a steady passageway for Ben. Using his lips, Austin keeps the doctor’s pried open to forcibly receive the precious silver. Their heads bob back and forth as more and more of the slimy mass falls into doctor. I watch as a massive lumps outline themselves in his throat, then his chest, before disappearing into the depths of his body. I notice a little bit pool and spill out the corner of his mouth. When the process is over, Austin’s body falls limply to the side. I stare at the messy pile of silver goo still smeared over Ryan’s drooling mouth. Should I?

I lean over, giving my dream man a kiss. My eyes flutter at the prospect. Ugh, he’s perfect. I feel the every contour of the face of man who would soon be ours, before sucking up the excess silver an a bit of his drool in my mouth. No use putting this stuff to waste. 

In a flash, I feel ecstasy. “Jesus fucking christ” I moan, as I feel a burst of energy from within. The parts of silver which were Ben settle into me, surging me with power and I feel his thoughts reverberate in my mind. In that split second, I also feel the vertigo of looking from two bodies at once. I feel the immense pleasure of controlling two bodies at once and the parts of silver which were Austin become immediately apparent. Goddamn what a fucking power trip. Austin was mine. A quick rush of stolen confidence from my previous tormentor floods my insides and I welcome my updated sense of self. Fuck yeah. Took a part of him for me. He’s never getting this back. I stare at his body and will it up. My dominion, now. While his head still hung unconscious, I move my fingers and tingle in delight as I watch his hands follow. The moment is fleeting though, and I feel the disappointment as my vision recedes back to my singular one.”Hope you liked that” I feel Ben state in my head. “Just a taste. This piece of us you’ve ingested... I think it’s best you keep it. I find this setup beneficial to us both. We can keep in constant contact this way. You might find some residual power left over Austin too, thought probably not in the way you think… at least… not yet.“ 

Before I can question him in my head, the doctor’s body shivers awake and then spasms before letting out a primal scream. Ryan’s looked... bigger? Almost swollen. His body occupied the same space they did before, but there was a larger presence to him. His muscles pump up, obviously riled into a frenzy. “Just a little attitude adjustment, and...Goddamn easy mode, Fuck!” He faces me. His eyes are rolled to the back of his head and silvery veins pulse all over his body. Seconds later, he settles and his eyes return to focus me. “Fuck yeah, you wanted this doctor, right? Bro, you know my bod’s way better. Fuck it though, I don’t care  as I’m a part of the ride. Remember your fucking promise.” He states through gritted teeth. Unnatural coming out of the normally Angelic Doctor Ryan. 

“Your Doc’s too nice though, right? You… Ben… you deserve better. I’ll make us better for you. Look how much fucking bigger, how much more of a fucking man we are with some Austin mixed in....” I am speechless, but he’s right. The doctor now exuded a dominating presence. In any other circumstance, I’d be frightened and compliant. In the presence of Ben, I felt safe.

“Thank Ben he brought us inside this man. Mmmmmm his brain is delicious… I feel so much smarter inside him. We’re gonna fuck him up. Make him better, like you did to me. Twist his head. Make him want your cum almost as much as I do. Make him want to spread more Ben around…. Mmmm speaking of, I feel him inside me. He’s squirming into us both out and goddamn it feels good.” Ryan’s body moans Austin’s moan. “I can’t wait for you to learn how to do this... to put yourself inside me-Please! Fuck! Learn it faster! That... part of me you stole… I feel good as part of you, right? You like it in you, right? Pure fucking jock. Take good care of it…more where that came from”. It was definitely my doctor, but between the behavior and facial expressions, undeniably Austin. Well, post-Ben Austin.

“I-Arrgh” I watch curiously as the doctor’s body shivers. “Ben’s... ready for you.” He winks as his eyes briefly roll to their sockets and roll back. Austin-er Ryan’s demeanor immediately changed ”Had to do a little arranging inside this doctor. We just need one final piece. Ryan’s body ready to receive its new masters. I need you to put as much cum inside this man as you can... I really like this one, his position is useful. But his mind... it’s so vast. He’s no Austin...It’s gonna take a lot more of our genetic material to tame it.”

Austin-er Ben does pushups on the floor. He clears a few hundred before wiping his sweat all over his scrubs. Of course, despite channeling Austin’s very essence, this body is not nearly as buff or as muscular as his so I watch as Ryan is forced to push up and down beyond his limits, tears streaming down his eyes, hands and legs shaking in protest, forced smiling all the while. Previously crisp scrub are now stained, damp in Ben’s body’s perspiration. The smell this weird, hybrid mix emanated was unique. Of course, it still had the cleanliness I’d expect from a doctor. Fresh cologne and nature- exactly what I’d expect from the healthy, professional man which had previous examined me. This man before me was not the same man as before. Because, interwoven was the musk, the testosterone, the pungent stink of our deranged puppet Austin. It was altogether divine. 

“Look at this.” He states with a sneer as he does a bicep flex. His damp scrubs hug his muscle tightly, almost breaking at the seams. The bicep is throbbing. “I feel this body crying in pain and exhaustion. From his mind though... do you know how muscles are made? Tiny tears regrown stronger” A pulse of silver darts through his veins, immediately returning it to stillness. “What wonderful new information. We’re gonna use that. Fill into these layers with a bit of Ben, and a bit of you”. He starts laughing now “Doc Ryan here doesn’t call the shots…This isn’t his body anymore… It’s ours.” 

With that, Ben lifts my gown and sticks his drenched head near my already-hard cock. Fuck he’s warm. Our sweat and scents mingle and I feel my inner thighs go moist in the perspiration in the air. 

“Austin, to the forefront. Combined effort. We need him body and mind. Let us create a new Ryan,” he states. My doctor slowly wrap his thick, plump lips over my dick. Moment’s later, the man’s wet tongue slides forward. I shudder. A bit tickles in a spot just below the head and I squirm on the spot. Jesus fuck, oh- oh fuck, he’s good- he’s really good.

My shaking hands are sloppily held in place. I move them reflexively in the onslaught of pleasure. It’s like Ryan’s body was made for this. Absolute Heaven. I let out a loud moan as I continue to squirm in the confines of my position. Ben had commandeered some control of Austin’s unconscious body, and it stood there, just over me, holding my hands in place and body. Its eyes were rolled back, mouth drooling. Bits of spit dribbled to my forehead. I paid them no mind. Basically an extension of my own bodily fluids at this point anyway. Besides, whatever made Austin, Austin was mostly inside Ryan now, helping Ben add a wonderful new addition to our collection. 

Ryan’s sensual motions, His body expertly bobbing, beckons mine. Erotic symphony. I can do nothing beyond quake in my seat. I hold for as long as I can but it’s too much. This was it. First, I moan. Then, I scream. FUCK. Goddamn bliss. Sweet Release. Pure Ecstasy. I am reduced to babbling internally as I release more and more of myself inside Ryan’s welcoming mouth. Using his powerful chest, he creates a slight suction, greedily taking as much of my cum inside as he can. The body begins to choke for air, but I feel Austin and Ben smile instead and continue inhaling my cum. Their eyes only relayed one word. More. There’s not much else I could have done anyway, because I continue to spew load after load inside the man. It’s the best I ever felt, the longest it’s ever been and the most I ever given. I sit in extended euphoria, paralyzed in bliss. Logic aside, ethics aside, this was my new order. Our new order. In my mind I strive to continue on, to bring more to this light. So many delicious fucking bodies in this town. So many new ‘me’s destined, yearning for my control- even if they didn’t know it yet. That last bit might have been some of Austin’s megalomania in me.   

The phone rings at Ryan’s side and he picks it up. Someone patches in a call. 

“Doctor are you alright? We heard some odd noises“. I watch Ben in alarm. He cracks his head to the side, cock still in his mouth, and veins coursing in silver fluid display prominently in his temples. He switches demeanor almost seamlessly back. In contrast, like strings cut, Austin’s body falls over me, unmoving. I didn’t mind. I inhale his jock essence as I listen in.

“Yewph- Iw- Ehem.. I’m quiw ahwigh, *gulp*… ahhh yeah.. Apologies, Nancy this appointment is taking just a bit longer than expected. I’ll be ready soon- just need a little more time with this one.” Every word again resounds warmly, calmly, politely in this man. When Ben channels Ryan, it’s like I’m hearing the same person who examined me earlier. He was ours. I glance his way and a bit of my cum is still on his lips as he continues his conversation. He happily draws it to his mouth with a finger and sucks it clean. My cock is drenched in the doctors sweat. Fucking hot. Ben found us a real catch. “Dr. Ben” ends the call and mentally, he’s back to our present situation, back to huffing in breathless pleasure, as he continues sucking the any residual mess in me clean. He gives me a wink as he finishes. 

Ryan then stands over to Austin, and, in a reverse of the process from earlier vomits out the same silvery mass, now slick with streaks of white, back into its container. There was significantly less this time. From the still open mouth of Ryan, I watch the tiny man emerge, giving me a motion that indicated he was smiling. “I’m staying in this one a bit longer. Driving this particular specimen gives me a pleasure not wholly physical.” The mouth slowly closes and Ryan’s eyes show life again. He smiles. I look expectantly at the two of them. They begin making out. The sounds are sloppy and I can’t help but get a bit jealous. Taking note, they both stop abruptly before giving me a wink. The both speak at once while Ryan begins stripping stark naked.

“Can’t help it...You should come and stay in this room for a while. My next patient’s got quite a body we can utilize, based on this man’s memory. You still got some cum left in you? I can’t expand further without it” I nod happily. If Ben thinks he’s cute, we had to at least try. What am I saying? I can produce like a motherfucker, took part of my bully inside, made it mine. I may not look it yet, but I was alpha now.  

“Austin, strip down, I need some new clothes, and yours are a better fit.” Austin’s face cringes and I watch as his normal personality returns. Normal was a stretch, because he was far more subservient now than he was before this all began. Ben then looks at me with a toothy smile as he walks over to my pile of neatly folded clothes and digs out my underwear. He nonchalantly strips stark naked and then proceeds to put on my underwear. “This is a tight- Hmph!” He struggles to get each thick leg through “-ah, your clothes...Mmm! So tiny”. This results in my hot, nearly naked doctor wearing my underwear tightly. It’s pulled to its seams as it’s forced to constrict and hold together the doctor’s massive package. I watch as his cock begins to get hard, only to be restricted by the fabric. He moans at the setup. “Ayyyyeeee fuck! Fuck yeah. It feels like you’re in here, squeezing this host’s cock and ass. I’m gonna make sure he wears this forever. I’m gonna make sure this imprints our scent into this man. Look at me. Look at this muscle. Ryan..mmmmm.... all the brains and brawn in the world couldn’t help you. Every time he gets hard on, I want him to be wearing this. I want his penis to scrape this, to be bound by it, forever a reminder of who the real Ryan is now.”

Ben’s new doctor personality switches back. He politely gestures to his pile of clothes, still freshly warm before looking at me. “If you’re gonna be my assistant, you’ll need to look the part,” he states with a kind smile. I eye the warm pile, almost steaming in the residual heat. Ryan’s body licks its lips. Ben again. “Wear it. This man is ours, forever. Take ownership of that. Of those clothes. There’s so much of your genetic material embedded inside this particular specimen, at this point these are your own as much as it is his.”

I rush over to put the scrubs on, to feel the residual heat in my doctor Ryan envelop me. I relish in it. Still warm and moist with his sweat. It was like I was wearing the man myself. Of course, it fits loosely over me, and I barely pass as an assistant. He leans over to me. “smell it” he whispers. “Smell yourself. I like you better this way”. He’s right. I smell so fucking alpha in this getup. Ben then begins putting on Austin’s clothes, which are a much better fit. 

In contrast, Austin is forced to wear the remainder my clothes, which he creepily sniffs first and ends up with it fitting way too tight and revealing on him. I gesture to offer the scrubs I just put on instead, but he immediately declines in a huff, “No... I’m fucking better this way. More... complete” He moans “This was the way I was meant to be... yours... wearing this makes me feel like you’re here inside me, wearing your own clothes. I belong like this...This is your body, it misses you, and he doesn’t feel whole until you’re back home.” He pats himself. “I can’t wait for you to become this. And I’m not fucking taking no for an answer either. One day, I’m putting you where you belong- inside me so we can never be separated again. Moving around feels empty when you’re not in here doing it for me”. What the fuck did Ben do? The guy, my previous bully was horny just being near me. It felt amazing.

I silently thank Ben. Whatever Austin was rambling on about turned me the fuck on. I smiled. That piece of Austin I ingested earlier- I think his shitty vocab’s been rubbing off on me. Regardless, Austin was right- wearing him, controlling him from the inside was where I belonged. I deserved it. Deserved him. “Wait for us at home- we won’t be long” Ben instructs Austin through Ryan in a fatherly tone. Austin complies, leaving the room, staring longingly at me until he no longer could. 

Ben puts on his coat. “Well then, that’s settled. I hope your cock is ready, human, we have a full schedule of bodies to possess.“

-End of “Ben Pt. 2″-

A smarter version of me would have split this into two parts. Also, preemptive apologies to anyone in a medical profession.

[mental-dilemma]

A Quick Meeting Part 4?

Damian’s an exchange student in Paris taking it easy until an Akuma attacks and he gets to meet ladybug. -----------------------------------------

Ok before everyone starts pancking: I am Emu-Lumberjack I just decided to create a Sideblog for all my writing so that way those who follow me exclusively for that don’t have to deal with the chaos that is my main blog

also I’m sorry it’s taken so long to post this but just between school and work and school and just general exhaustion it’s been hard for me to write.

and as always all credit to the Au goes to @ozmav 

pt.1 

pt. 2

pt. 3

“I don’t suppose I could bribe you to drop the matter.” Damian said sitting down in Tim’s office. He and Ladybug were situated next to each other while Tim was on the other side of the desk.

“Nope.” He turned to Ladybug, “I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself, making sure Damian didn’t disappear and all that. Anyway I’m Tim Drake, Co-Ceo of Wayne enterprises and Damians older brother.”  

Ladybug turned to Damian and quietly said, “So does everyone in your family constantly talk like they’re trying to impress a victorian lord?” Damian snorted. Tim, unable to hear what she just said, looked to the two agape.

“At least I have a reason.” Damian responded, this time loudly enough for his elder brother to hear. “Anyway Tim is in CEO mode right now, which is pretty rare. Usually he’s a bumbling zombie dependent on coffee to function. In fact I remember one time when Dick took the last cup he----”

“I’d suggest stopping right there or I’ll tell her about the batcow incident.” Tim interrupted.

 “Did you just say batcow? Because I understand each of those words separately.” Ladybug said, and even though her mask still concealed half her face Damian could tell she was really confused.

“Don’t ask. Just don’t.” Damian said quietly.

“Anyway. I never caught your name and considering the fact that your in a mask I assume you’re a hero. Which is surprising because none of us knew Paris had heroes.” Tim cut the two of them off before more could be said.

“Yes that’s becoming a common theme I’m finding,” Marinette began. “My name is Ladybug in the mask. I have a partner, Chat Noir, but he’s currently indisposed, something about paint in his hair.” Damian stifled a laugh as Marinette continued, “We have been operating out of Paris for the last few years, early on we tried contacting the Justice league but Green Lantern told us not to prank call him.”

“Oh did he now.” Tim said, leaning his head forward.

“Yes he did. Thankfully my power allows me to reverse all damage done during a fight. Including any lives lost or monuments destroyed.”

“That sounds like a very useful power. I'm sure that the heroes of Gotham would love to work with you.” There was a twinkle in his eye that Damian knew meant Tim was concocting some scheme. He was about to jump in, but Marinette got there first.

“Yes I’m sure you would but the issue is we currently have our hands full here although from what Damian told me you guys sound much more fun to work with. At least the villains have better costumes.”

Tim noting her wording turned to Damian, “Did you tell her the family secret? You know what Alfred will do if he finds out.”

Damian smirked “I’m not an idiot Drake this was all her. She could rival you for deductive reasoning.” Marinette just sat there looking innocent.

“Well that explains why the two of you were sneaking around together, Ladybug should I assume Damian knows your identity as well?”

“Yep.”

“Well this is going to be a nightmare. But this just means  I can formally invite you to Gotham at least. Ha just leave it to the Ice Prince to leak the identity on his first civilian trip abroad.” Tim leaned his head back, closing his eyes.

“Actually it was you guys who tipped me off.”

Tim suddenly opened his eyes and looked her straight in the eyes. “Come again.”

“Well it was the fact that no one had spied Robin around Batman while Damian was in France. Then the fact that you were patrolling rather than him tipped me off that Robin might be on a vacation..” Tim just face palmed.

“Of course that would happen, how did we not see it coming.” He muttered to himself. “Wait, that begs another question: how did you two meet.”

Damian blushed and before Ladybug could respond he said “not important, there was an akuma. Now do you need anything else.”

“Actually yeah. Ladybug you mentioned the video you sent to Green Lantern, well Batman found it and wanted us to investigate. He didn’t know Green Lantern had seen it or otherwise he’d be on his way back to Ooa healing from a scolding from Alfred. Dick and Jason wanted to come but Bruce needed someone he could send discreetly and who better than the Co-CEO of Wayne industries who could just be checking up on the Paris branch.” Ladybug was impressed by the scheming having Dick Greyson or Jason Todd come in would stir up villain or media activity but Tim the third son wouldn’t.

“Well if you want we can meet up with my partner later and you can formulate a list of questions. Plus it seems you and Damian have some catching up to do.”

“There was a reason I came to Paris Ladybug. Being forced to talk to Tim was not one of them.” Damian made to leave only for a yoyo to catch his leg. Ladybug smirked at him. “Maybe a five minute chat couldn’t hurt anyone. Family reunion and all that.”

“Great then as long as everyones in agreement I can set up a time with chat later this evening for all of us to talk things through and get a strategy in place.”

“Are you sure about this having the league involved is going to cause a lot of chaos and even more dangerous villains could target Paris.”

“Tim I have dealt with so much crap the last couple of years that at this point I will take Darkseid over Lila…… Oh crap. We forgot about Lila.” Marinette looked at Damian who was coming to the same realization she was. He called out Lila in the bakery, and outed himself as a Wayne.

“Do I want to know?” Tim said rubbing his temples. He did not miss highschool.

“Lets just say school tomorrow’s going to be interesting, and I think we’re going to have to put the meeting on hold till after it. Ladybug and I are going to need to deal with school tomorrow, and caffeine isn’t gonna cut it.” Damian said.

“Then again if we aren’t lucid tomorrow might not be so bad….” Marinette began

“Do not even finish that, you even more than me need sleep. Between fashion, school and heroing you function off an hour.”

“You.. have a point. I’ll brief Chat on the situation on my way home. In the meantime I’ll leave you too to the brotherly bonding I’m sure you need.” she pulled her yoyo from her pocket, “See you tomorrow Damian, and whatever plan you hatch up make sure nit doesn’t include killing anyone.”

“Goodnight Ma--- Ladybug. And no promises.” The boy caught himself before revealing Ladybug's identity. She gave him the look of ‘don’t fuck up my secret identity bird boy’ before jumping out the window to run from rooftop to rooftop.

“So. how long have you had a crush on her.” Tim pulled Damians attention, and Damian was sudden;y very glad he had said nothing about not killing his brother.

--------------------------------------

“Do you think they’ll actually help this time?” Chat’s voice rang over the phone, Marinette had stopped behind one of the chimneys to talk to him in private.

“I don’t know, at least now they are actually considering it rather than just brushing us off as children.” Marinette was tired but they needed to have this chat now, there wouldn’t be any chance to in class tomorrow.

“Yeah, just don’t get your hopes up. They left us to fend for ourselves for 3 years and are only doing this now because of Damian if you didn’t know him then none of this would’ve happened.  

“Ok but why does that matter that it’s Damian? They could’ve been doing it because of Jon too.”

“Oh please, you're more dense than our class sometimes. Jon would’ve noted it then forgotten to tell someone, but Damian told Batman right away. Why do you think he did that?”

“Chat I am too tired for this.” Marinette could feel Adrien facepalming through the phone.

“Oh I am not spelling this out for you, this time you get to figure it out yourself.”

“Fine. but next time you need help on your calc homework don’t come running to me.” Marinette hung up on him and made her way home. The parisian streets were nice and quiet for her, no akuma meant maybe another hour of sleep.

Once she was out of the suit she let Tikki rest and got right to work on the new piece she was making for Jagged, he wanted to somehow have the score of his newest piece sewn onto the pants for his next concert, and she had to brainstorm.

Twenty minutes went by.

Then an hour.

Then two.

Finally she put up her pencil and put on her pajamas, as she was falling asleep Adriens words kept replaying in her head, and the meaning slammed into her like a truck. Pulling out her phone she sent one message.

Oh fuck off

tag list: @clumsy-owl-4178 @pawsitivelymiraculous @yuulxd @smolplantmum @inarachi02 @notmycupoftea26 @laurcad123 @unknownvsworld @jeminiikrystal @megawhitleycalderonpaganus

[every1studio]

“anything” [ateez: san]

genre: misc. (mentions of mental health, violence, some spice) + jekyll&hyde!au

ficstyle: bulletpoints 

requested: a continuation of San’s “Art of Seduction:” angel / devil version

note: lowkey bummed that my final part of my recent series isn’t getting much attention but gonna change the course of my writing with this one

that night, there were a few guards around to celebrate Christmas with their families 

San counted down the days where there were less guards for his escape

and he was going to use you as his little pawn 

“can you do me a little favor?” 

San’s voice was sickly sweet yet it was saturated with a menacing aura 

“an-anything for you, San..”

you couldn’t help but feel small under his presence 

“let me run away with you..” 

there was a glimmer of innocent hope in his eyes

he gently takes your hand and you let him 

“I’ll be good enough to go out as long as I’m with you.. you’re my escape..”

the reason why he was stuck in this mental hospital was because he was charged for an attempted murder; according to the notes, he was trying to save a child in his neighborhood from a kidnapper but he had to be pulled away from 5 police officers before he could even assault the kidnapper with a metal baseball bat 

just before he could make it to the police station, he banged his head so hard on the police car door that he knocked himself out and woke up with amnesia 

along with a couple of other residences in his body; he was never the same 

after all of your assessments, you had come to the conclusion that he had multiple personalities  

when he met you for the first time, it was like you were the beckon of light here to save him 

even though he was placed in a room clad in white, you shined brighter than ever 

but whenever he talked to you, he could never talk to you the way he really wanted to 

he was either exceptionally “angelically” sweet

or exceptionally “devious”

or sometimes.. abnormally normal 

San knew that he was a completely different person when he woke up rolling out of the general hospital

“what happened?” San asked groggily 

the doctors seemed a bit anxious before answering, “you threw your tray of food as soon as you woke up this morning.. when we sedated you, you woke up apologizing at everything that you did.. every time you woke up you were someone different.. we’re moving you to our mental facility..”

San was in utter shock; him? at a mental facility?

that night, San had a lucid dream but it felt like sleep paralysis; he was approached by two beings 

one clad in white and one clad in black; the scary thing was, they looked exactly like him

the one in white sat down on the bed, “you’ll never be the same, you know.. I’m sorry you have to go through this..”

“go through what?” San asked, he couldn’t move but he could talk

the one in black cackled as he shoved his hair out of his face, “we’re taking over your body kiddo..”

“for what? this is just a dream! what did I do to deserve this? this is crazy!”

the one in white kept his head down and kept quiet

the one in black bent down close to his face, close enough so that San could see the being’s glowing red eyes, “congratulations, you were chosen to be our host.. and we’re gonna fight over your body.. who’s gonna be the one that takes over your body..”

San’s eyes wavered in fear and confusion

“why are you fighting for my body when it’s my body!?”

the one in white looked over at him, his golden eyes were gentle yet haunting, “we took over your body when you banged your head on the car door.. you died then.. if it wasn’t for us, you would go straight to the Judgement Gates..”

“Judgement Gates?”

“the gates to judge the living and the dead. the gates that tell you if you’ll go to heaven or hell..”

this was all so much to take in, “will I ever be the same?”

both of them look at each other and then back at him

before either of them could respond, San woke up

since then, San was never “himself”

when he was allowed to be around other patients, he would help the nurses fold towels and make the other patients laugh

but most times they would keep him in confided solitary

his devil side was more dominating than his angel side

even though he had his angel side, it was safer for all the other patients and nurses if he just sat in solitary 

but being in that white, quiet room made him grow insane; regardless if he was himself, or the angel, or the devil  

he heard hollow knocking on the door, “Mr. Choi? my name is Dr. Y/N.. is it alright if I come in to ask you some questions?”

“come right in,” he didn’t care who it was, he just wanted to talk to someone 

that all changed when he saw your face

he looked up at your through his messed up hair, he felt calm in your presence

“are you okay, Mr. Choi?”

“San, please. call me, San” he spoke softly

“would that make you feel more comfortable?”

he nods as he shoots his dimply smile at you 

he hugs his pillow as he watches you go through your papers 

the way your hair fell into your face

the way you pushed up your glasses 

all the three beings inside of San were falling in love with you 

and you didn’t even know; even though you were a psychiatrist 

that was until you saw his first personality switch

it was still the first day of meeting him, you told him you were going to come back around dinner time 

when you walked into the room, you were met with a completely different person

San probably used some water to slick his hair back, letting some of his bangs fall over his forehead

his sitting position was also different; when you met him

he was sitting criss-cross on top of his bed, hugging a pillow; seemed so innocent 

but now?

he sat in the center of his room with his legs wide open; one of his leg was bouncing up and down, as if he was getting impatient

“took forever there, sweetie. was waiting all day for ya”

even his speech was different

you felt chills run down your spine; the chill stayed there when you met his eyes 

you swore you saw a glimmer of red in his eyes; but you might’ve just been seeing things

because red irises do not exist in humans.. right?

you sat down, “how are you feeling. San?”

he smirks as he leans in closer to you; getting intoxicated by your scent

“better now that you’re here..” 

you couldn’t look up at him; you didn’t know why you were getting so flustered 

he was a better psychiatrist than you when he saw your reactions to his words, he lowered his words

“you like it when I talk to you like this, baby girl?” he reaches his hand to brush your hair away

but he was interrupted by the guard outside, “no touching aloud!”

San tsked as he brought his hand back down 

every time you visited, it was a different experience with a different person 

San’s voice echoed in your head again, “can you do me a little favor?”

you took note that red-eyed San was out tonight

“an-anything for you, San...”

he smirks as he cups your face without any disturbance 

he finally felt a sense of pleasure finally being able to touch you

San pulls a piece of paper out from his pocket, “could you disturb the guard outside for me? 10 minutes would be more than enough time for me”

you furrowed your brows, “how are you going to get out? I don’t think distracting the guard will be enough. there are cameras and-”

San placed his finger on your lips, “just a little bit of magic will do the trick”

“magic?”

he scratches something on the paper; to you, it seemed like there was nothing on it but San was writing up a summoning spell 

“take this. I’ll see you soon. you don’t need to see me in this hellhole of a room ever again..” he chuckles at his use of the word “hellhole”

laughing through his hand that covered his mouth, and yet you feel the sinister intentions of the simple word 

you grew some sort of attraction towards him over the time that you were examining him 

from the way that he switched up his character, from sweet to spicy; you wanted more 

this sort of attraction wasn’t professional, you knew that, but you couldn’t control your feelings 

“I won’t ever see you again? I thought you wanted to escape..”

San had you wrapped around his finger 

“you will. soon. just not here, okay, sweetheart?” gold-eyed San was cowering over you and placed a soft kiss on your forehead

you could feel yourself falling in love like a high school girl 

you did what San told you

the guard was completely charmed by you, you could have been given a Grammy 

meanwhile, San goes under the camera in his room and tilts it ever so slightly upwards so that he was completely out of the frame 

he duplicated himself with the piece of paper; it mirrors his every movement at first and then San orders it, “make sure you take care of yourself in here..”

“yes sir,” it replies 

San disappears through the walls; leaving his doppelganger taking his place 

now why would San wait until now to escape if he had the powers to do so in the first place?

1) the less eyes he has on him, the more chances of him escaping without making headlines 

2) you; the fact that he had gain enough trust from you made this possible, it helped that you were able to fall for his charms as he fell for yours 

you went home as soon as 30 minutes went by, the guard just couldn’t stop talking and talking and talking

you kept on thinking about San the whole time 

you felt an ominous aura in your house, you even hesitated to walk in until you saw a familiar pair of gold eyes

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, didn’t mean to scare you.. didn’t want your neighbors to think that you were home,” the feeling of an ominous aura was replaced with a comforting one when he spoke

he took your hand and sat you down on the couch, making sure that he was facing you, “my dear.. I need to tell you everything from the beginning. there’s more of me.. of us, that you don’t know..”

you placed your hands over your mouth in shock 

2 mystical beings in a mortal body?

a devil? an angel? who did you fall for? is the real San still conscious? 

with all that he said, the real San was able to break through two of the controlling beings, he slowly shifted his body away from you, “I was so confused and scared... I still am..” 

that was when you saw some deep, brown eyes, the real San for the first time, even though you probably never met him before, you felt like you’ve known him forever

“I’ll be here for you.. for all of you..” 

“what if I get caught again? what if you’ll get in trouble for being associated with me, with us?” 

the real San felt more.. human

you wanted to know more about him; you wanted to study him 

you held onto his trembling hands, “we’ll get through this... I would do anything to help you all..”

San faces his body to you to double check if what he heard with what you said, “anything for us?”

you brought his hand up to cup your face, “anything”

you both didn’t realize how close you were; well red-eyed San did and that was the reason he took over again  

“speaking of anything, I want to give you a little gift for helping us. will you let us thank you, baby?” he asked as the hand that was on your face slid down to your neck and his other hand to slick his hair back 

you’d be lying if you didn’t feel a rush of adrenaline surge through your body 

you were so caught up in the heat of the moment, you didn’t pick up all the little plays that all three of them did on you

all of them were trying to get a piece of you; fighting over each other to please you or please themselves 

red-eyed San was a little more rough; marking you and deviously teasing you, you were powerless under him

gold-eyed San was more gentle; making sure that you were the one feeling good and when you tried to please him, he would give out the most angelic sounds

and the real San? 

he was hesitating somewhat shy; you wanted to dominate him but every time you tried you, the others would interfere

it was such a long night

even though you were worried about the consequences of San escaping, you were obviously preoccupied with other things

you were completely spent; it was like you were thrown around by 3 men 

technically that was true, but it was a strange concept

3 men in one; that’s a package you never thought you would be given 

you last remember sleeping in the arms of the real San

but then, you weren’t sure who’s voice it belonged to, the devil? the angel? or the human? 

they muttered into your hair after they placed a kiss on the top of your head, “I would do anything and everything for you.. you’re mine and mine alone and I will never..” he pulls you in tighter, “ever share with those other two...” 

how long will his doppelganger hold his place? 

how long will this peaceful calm before the storm last?

without your knowledge, San has all of this planned out.. well one of the San has 

END

[ masterlist + guidelines ]

[heartbreak-of-a-marauder]

Forever and Always My Little One (1)

Title: The Second Moonrise

Pairing: Kol Mikaelson x OC

Summary: Fayne is a vampire created during the first 100 years of the Originals immortal lives. Just as the end is approachings a chance encounter with the youngest original changes her life forever, and always.

Words: 1,927

1 ->

~*~*~*~*~

1348 – St. Bartholomew’s Hospital, London, England.

          I laid on the unforgiving mattress of the hospital bed, gazing up at the ageing paint that decorated the ceiling. Every now and again a shiver would pass through my body causing my hands to grip the blanket a little tighter. The coating of sweat that covered me from head to toe had long since soaked through my shift causing it to stick uncomfortably to my skin. It is an indescribable feeling to have your skin burning with heat but have a chill in your bones. An endless hunger seemed to be developing in my stomach as my natural instincts pleaded to be obeyed, and the ever-increasing number of people fillings the hospital made things more difficult.    

           The silvery rays of the moon that managed to break past the clouds, crept through the window panes adding a little more light to the candlelit room. The sounds of raspy breathing and soft coughing were two of the few things that could be heard across the wide expanse of rooms. Scenes of the vivid past that had poisoned my dreams would soon spill into my waking moments as the days went on and to fight them would cause painful aches in my head.  

           Slowly I pushed myself up into a sitting position, the bed frame creaked slightly due to the changing positions of pressure. The calm of the room was soon disturbed by my own coughing when the dryness could no longer be ignored. The coughing became more violent to the point of wrenching. Removing my hand from my mouth I instantly zeroed in on the red splodges that mingled with mucus. A single tear slid down my cheek, I was still greedy for life despite having taken more time than I was originally dealt. But the evidence in my hand made it plain that I would not last much longer.

           A shadow in the corner of my eye catches my attention, it moves swiftly with an inhuman likeness, it lurks around the cots at the far end of the room; hovering almost. It leans over one of the cots seemingly surveying the individual that lay in it. I shift slightly to get a better view, even in the poor light I can see how its back stiffens like a creature caught in the act. In the same quiet yet elegant manner he moves away from his previous point of interest and begins his journey towards my bed.  

“Are you well miss?” A distinct British accent can be heard as he lowered the hood of the cloak.      

“As well as I am able to be sir.” I offer politely in return.  

“I hope circumstances could be better for you.” Cocking his head to the side.  

“Many have said that it is God’s will, a punishment of sorts.” I offered some of the fatalistic babble given to me by a now-deceased person.  

The corners of his mouth turned upwards a little after hearing my comment, he seemed to like the façade I had constructed. A breathy chuckle escapes his lips as he lowers himself to sit on the edge of my cot.  

“The fragility of human life…” He muses to himself while an outstretched hand toys with a lock of hair that has fallen over my shoulder. He pulls his attention away from the strands in his fingers to look me directly in the eye.  

“I can only imagine your wildest fantasies and the adventure you thought you may have had.” He voices his thought, without waiting for a reply he continues. “What if I could give you the means to travel the world and see its wonders?"  

"Money is of no use to a person doomed to die my Lord..." I mused lowly.  

The stranger lets out a hearty chuckle, allowing a grin to grace his face. He looks away from me for a moment before he brings his gaze back to mine.  

"Money is not what I offer dear girl, I can give you so much more." He boasts while leaning a little closer, when he is a hair's breadth away from my ear he whispers, "I can give you eternal life." He stays there for a moment inhaling deeply capturing my scent.  

When he draws back the grin he previously wore is gone, instead, his brows have pulled together and his mouth is in a straight line. The amusement that had occupied his eyes has iced over, and he sits very still observing me.  

He knows why I am dying.  

"Eternal life has been good for me up until now," I sigh while peeling back the sleeve of my shift, smiling sourly when I hear his sharp intake of breath. "And I admit that I lust for more, but this is a death sentence, not even a vampire can escape." I break my eyes away from his brown ones to focus on the putrid bite.    

"I can still give you eternal life" He speaks after a while, determination lacing his words.  

A wry smile forms on my face. "Then I would encourage you to let go of those follies, a bite from a werewolf is final, no one survives."  

"Were you not told to look a gift horse in the mouth girl?" He copies my expression.  

I narrow my eyes at his tone, hunger mixed with a fevers rage proves to be a volatile mix. "I am no child sir, my name is Fayne and you shall address me as such."  

"Then you shall address me as Kol Mikaelson, little one." He fires back, I huff harshly at his use of the pet name.  

He stands abruptly and straightens out his clothing, all the while his eyes never leaving mine. "Then I propose a wager of sorts, should I save you by the second moon rise then you shall accompany me in my travels" He declares.  

"And if you do not?" I ask with morbid curiosity.  

He smirks. "I am sure you can work that out for yourself little one, goodbye for now." In the blink of an eye, he is gone.  

_ _ _ _ _ _

The sun was beginning to set on the eve of the second moonrise, vast orange beams forced their way into the crowded room. I had not laid all my faith in Kol and his abilities to save me, but time was running out on his wager, and I was growing less lucid with every minute. I wanted to be cured but it was surely something of a fantasy. I was fighting to stay in the uncomfortable cot. My gums burned as my fangs fought to be free, the scent of blood was everywhere, the thread of humanity I clung to was beginning to fray.  

In an instant, the thread had broken, and the animal inside came barrelling to the forefront. I didn’t feel the thick veins appear on my face nor the elongation of my fangs, I simply gave in to nature and it took me to a place I would be grateful for. 

I loomed over my unsuspecting victim, they were here for injury, not illness, and it smelled so good. Quietly I hike up the shift unit it allows me to comfortable straddle his stomach. I crouch over him dragging the tip of my nose across his exposed skin before settling by his neck, I do not waste time or thought before biting down hard. I feel the way he fights weakly beneath me, not quite ready to die but I show no mercy and quickly drain him dry.  

I attach myself to every victim like a newly born babe suckling from its mother. I break free from the current poor soul who serves as my dinner, breathing deeply I tip my head back. Never has it felt so good. Once again, I lower my head in preparation to finish my meal, but I don’t get near her delicate skin as hand fists itself in my hair dragging me away.  

I buck and thrash like a wild animal, but the mysterious assailant further restrains me. The scent of sickness invades my nose informing me we have returned to my cot. They throw me harshly towards it, I whirl around preparing to attack but stop when I see Kol has returned with a stranger.  

"She has got fight brother." He smirks at me.  

“Come now brother, we don’t have all night.” Kol hurries, earning a sigh from the other man.  

"I struggle to see why I should help a diluted bloodline but as you can see my brother insists." He teases, I look in Kol's direction for an indication that this is a jest, but his face is emotionless.  

"Get on with it Niklaus." His nonchalant tone shocks me.  

Niklaus takes a few steps towards me but I cannot escape the feeling that he is a predator and I his prey.  

"Come now love, it will be painless; I promise." He chuckles before biting his wrist, my eyes switch between his wrist and face in disbelief. After seeing my hesitation, he uses his abilities to force his wrist into my mouth. The blood trickles down my throat for a few moments before he removes it.  

He gives a curt nod towards Kol before disappearing.  

"Vampire blood? You think that it will magically cure me?" I scoff at Kol, his face hardens.  

"A 'thank you' is customary for when someone helps you." He retorts.  

"Thank you?!" I cried incredulously, in a moment I appear before him. "You have not helped."  

Roughly he grabs onto my right elbow drawing me closer to him, but also bringing my arm into view, he wastes no time in ripping the fabric of the sleeve back to reveal that the wound is indeed healing. The inflammation and discolouration had receded considerably and the bite had shrunk. I stared in disbelief, it had worked. Swallowing my pride and looked up at Kol.  

"Thank you." It would be barely audible to human ears, but I knew he had heard me.  

He smirks, liking that I had given in. "Now we must depart." He states while walking towards the entrance to the ward.  

"Depart?" I ask, still stood near the cot.  

He casts a glance over his shoulder before stopping. "I won the wager little one, you are now my travelling companion." He seems to think better of a previous decision and begins to walk back towards me, or rather past me.  

"And where will we go?" I ask curiously as he peers out of the now open window. 

He beckons me to him with a flick of his wrist, and slowly I come to join him by the window. He uses the inside of his dark cloak to wipe around my mouth and down my neck. Once satisfied he unbuckles it from his neck and sweeps it over my shoulders before securing it.  

"There is no rush in having ready-made plans, that is the beauty of eternity."  

"So, when are we to leave?" I ask not following.    

"Now." He replies simply while smirking.  

He pulls me into him, fixing us together by holding me around my waist, heat travels up my neck at his closeness but the cool air of the night soon takes over. I didn’t pay attention as to where we were going because the blackness of the night morphed the surroundings but, I was grateful when we got into a carriage and the sight of Saint Bartholomew’s disappeared into the distance.  

[hellolittleogre]

Billy Goody Jane Eyre AU

@lazaefair wrote a wonderful not!fic Billy x Goody Jane Eyre AU, which you can find here, and it was amazing and then my brain went but what if Goody was the mad wife in the attic? Because Wide Sargasso Sea is a thing. And then my brain went BOOM and spat this out.

Thank you @lazaefair for the inspiration, it was really fun writing this and I hope you don’t feel like I’m playing all over your sandbox.

The not!fic is under the cut because its a lot.

Soooooooo, it struck be that of course the real touchstone for this would not only be Jane Eyre, but also Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys about Bertha’s life before the attic, and the Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte, about a woman who marries for love but her husband is a abusive and a drunkard.

Goodnight is the rich spoiled son of a Creole family on Jamaica who runs away with his brother to fight in the America civil war (they have family in Louisiana), he admires his brother and has always done what his he did. The brother dies and Goody becomes a celebrated sharpshooter but still comes home a disgrace, fighting for the losing side,  severely traumatised and having made friends with Sam Chisholm a free black man, and with alarming notions about equality and slavery.

The family marries him off to Bouge as quick as they can with a fat dowry and no questions asked. (Same sex marriages exist with the proviso that the leading partner is allowed to have one official mistress in order to have an heir, or the couple can joint decide to adopt a child).

Bouge, a nouveau riche robber baron is at first elated over such a social coup, a status spouse, old money, beauty plus the official allowance to have a mistress in order to get an heir but soon he realises he has been cheated. Once the honeymoon is over and they have settled on his new estate in England he realises the extent of his mistake.

Goody is too frail, too obviously damaged to help him get ahead socially and it's a scandal to have a mad husband, can’t even fulfill his marriage duties because he is so mentally frail (Think pretty vulnerable Ethan Hawke in the mid 90s), Bouge finds this unacceptable.

Goodnight has written letters tightly to Sam during the first year as married, trying to put on a good front (elements of the Tenant of Wildfell hall), too proud to admit mistakes. He tries to have optimism, maybe Bouge will have a child and the act of raising it will bring them together. Surely Goody is just to sensitive to his meanness, tries to be a good partner but Bouge will have none of it.

Then he has a bad period and Bouge locks him away, writes to Sam and tells him Goody has asked him to cease writing it that his emotional state is too easily upset to undertake this task himself.  Sam insists that Goody writes and Bouge gets pretty nasty.

“If you knew how he begged me, your attentions upsets him and you are a constant reminder of his unhappy past. I would not be so I gentlemanly to make further reference to your history but cease this contact, if only for the sake of the one you profess to love so.”

Sam realises he has to play the long game.

Meanwhile Billy has grown up in an orphanage, the son of a woman who came to work as a servant to a British explorer. The man was working and collecting in China, and even managed to gain entry to Joseon, where he took the woman on as houskeeper. When his mother died the man took Billy in out of good will and when he suddenly died too, Billy was bundled along with the rest of his belongings to his family back in England. The family was expecting a white child and are besides themselves when Billy shows up, it might be implied that the explorer had fathered him (he hadn't, Billy had a very loving father who unfortunately also died. If anyone feels all this dying is unrealistic I would please refer you to Elizabeth Gaskell). Billy is pushed off as quick as they can to a school. He is very learned due to the old gentleman and becomes a very good student. When he is grown he advertises as a tutor. The boys home taught him how to fight, he makes two friends a brash Irish boy called Faraday, illegitimate child and Vasquez, nephew of some Spanish noblewoman married to an English lord (everyone’s an orphan! see: Gaskell)

Billy has been working  as a tutor for a while when he meets Bouge, he wants a governess for a little girl but changes his mind when he finds Billy.

Billy is curious as to why,  as it turn out Adele his ward is half Vietnamese, her mother a French-vietnamese dancer who used to be Bouge’s mistress and Bouge figures one Asian is as good as another.

Adele is as vain and silly as she is in the book and Billy kind of loves her. Her airy head has lots of space for learning. She speaks french and english in a charming unselfconscious mix and Billy was worried how they might talk to each other but in the end he finds that his old tutors were right, the language of arithmetic is universal.

She is not Bouge’s daughter, his mistress in Paris left him and he killed her new lover and stole her daughter to torment her. She is now destitute in Paris and he sends her letters now and then to remind her that her daughter is entirely at his mercy.

He tells Adele that her maman is dead,.

Billy hears somebody crying at night. Adele is terrified of the crying ghost but later calms down,  and when Billy asks after a couple of days she says the ghost is telling her fairy stories in French and he's not dangerous, only sad. Billy is kind of bewildered by this. Sees a man spying on him in the library, looks like nobody in the household.

Bouge has come back, Billy startles his horse, and he twists his ankle and Billy has to help him home, Bouge says that he owes him entertainment for being responsible for his incarceration. There is something hungry in how he looks at Billy. Sends for him in the evenings and talk to him.

Taunts Adele, Billy tries telling himself that it is playfully.  “that's how she charmed the money straight out of my pretty pocket”. Pinches her nose and cheeks just a little too hard

Billy is teaching Adele how to fight and Bouge watches them, silent and approving, eyes roving over Billy. Presses him a little. Mentions in passing that he is dependent on him, that without reference he would never be hired again, and then how will he live. No relations and no means?

Flirts a little and makes promises, comes down one evening with his face scratched, “by an owl” but you'd always be sweet to me? It makes Billy smile. It's nice to be wanted.

Billy hears the ghost crying at night, sees a white figure in the hallways.

Then as a cold shower Bouge invites a party of similarly ranked men, McCann and Denali, hints that he might be engaged to McCann. That he might ruin Billy and leave him on the street. Your reputation is in my hands, you can never leave me.

Billy meets the ghost man. Himself and Adele are exploring the garrets when he hears a voice singing a drinking song, they can't decide from where the sound is coming from but Adele is not afraid, it is the Goodnight man, he helps me sleep. He speaks French like maman.

Eventually Billy, pretty stiff with fear at this point though he would never admit it, finds a little crawl space that leads into another stairs and they find Goodnight. (Goody is kept in a room which is bolted not locked from the outside and his nurse often dips into the laudanum and he goes wandering.) He is beautiful and confused, flitting between lucidity and imagination but the more Adele and Billy talks to him the steadier he becomes.

Goodnight are convinced they are figments of his imagination. A little girl as he imagined at the beginning of the marriage. To tell stories to and never never go to war. And their shared features convinced him, Billy and the child with the same dark hair, mere reality could never conjure anything so beautiful.

They meet at night, both of them still not convinced the other is real. Adele calls him The prince in the tower after the story of Richard III nephews and Billy secretly agrees.. Billy wakes up one night to find Goody at the foot of his bed, looking terrible. He startles and goes looking for him. Follows him into Bouge room and finds a candle overturned, saves him from the flames.

Bouge proposes the next day.

Billy accepts, he's tired of being at somebody else's mercy and charity all the time. Bouge is not too unpleasant to look at, his attention is flattering and being a married spouse offers a hell of a lot more protection than he ever thought he would have.  So he accepts.

(Bouge plans to marry him so he can become his legal guardian and force him to be his assassin, plus Billy is hot)

Meets Goody and tells him he is going to stay, and that they will have more time together. Omits to mention that it's because he's getting married. He feels reluctant to tell Goodnight that.

Billy brings wine up one night and becomes terribly drunk and kisses Goodnight. The last little bit of freedom I have left.

Adele tells Bouge about the ghost and Billy tries to downplay it and when Bouge won't be deterred he makes up a story about seeing a woman in white, an interred nun. However it makes Bouge confine Goody more securely and they can't meet anymore. Billy is smart enough to understand he can't let Bouge know he and Goody know each other.

The night before his marriage he hears Goodnight wailing in the tower, like a banshee or a condemned soul.

Sam and Red show up to stop the wedding. Sam has been living in the Indian territories (Bass Reeves!) and befriended him and finally has bided his time enough to come to Europe and track down Goodnight (they have agreed to go on a Grand Tour if it turns out Goody is fine), Bouge tries to say that he is dead but Billy puts two and two together and alerts them of Goodnight in the tower.

“There he is,” Bouge says with disdain, Goodnight white and crouched at the far end of the room, “Who would not change a vulture for a raven? Look at him, so hale and beautiful, who can blame me?”

Red and Sam bring the family lawyer who concludes that its not lawful for Bouge and Billy to be married but equally since Goody must be seen as mentally deficient its perfectly fine for Bouge to keep him locked in the attic. Like y’know, no problem.

Sam and Red tries to resist but are powerless to help, Bouge locks Goody away, very upsetting scenes between Goodnight and Sam, fighting to get to each other.

Goody comes to Billy’s room at night, tells him he has to go, go Bouge plans to do something terrible to him (possibly lock him in the cellar?) Billy doesn’t want to leave but has no choice, Goody refuses to follow him. Without me you have a chance but if I come with you Bouge will never stop hunting us, besides he has the law on his side if he chooses to bring me back while you can go where you chose and have full protection of the law.

Billy flees in the night and ends up on the moors with Faraday and Vasquez, who are living together in a cabin (coincidence!)

They plan to go back and free Goodnight (and Adele) but before that Billy finds out that the explorers family has all died and he is the sole heir, he is now rich enough to take up the fight against Bouge. He hears Goody call for him in the night.

They prepare but as they are travelling back the hear that the whole house has burnt down and the poor madman in the attic perished in the flames. Billy goes over to kill Bouge but instead finds Goodnight, the house (mysteriously!) caught fire (some say they saw a man with a bow and arrow but such talk is nonsense surely?) and Bouge died in the flames. Goodnight was rescued and inherited the lot.

Then they all live together and are disgustingly rich. They send for Adele’s maman and Emma comes to be Adele’s governess.

FIN

[radiodreadzone]

Like Unto the Earth

WC: 2,689

TW: Panic Attacks.

It was late. Kyle and I had been running missions, but even he had already called it a night. The restless energy that had me on edge all night had continued to persist. I was jumpy. Unable to settle. I texted Dax and Gwen for another mission, ignoring the tiny numbers of the clock at the top corner of my phone that glowed like an accusation as I shouldered my crossbow and slipped back out into the darkness. If nothing else, I hoped to work this out. To burn myself low, and at least...maybe find some rest through sheer exhaustion alone.

By the time I'd made it to Hoadly, emerging carefully from the sewer grate in the cliff, I'd gotten my first objective text. A Lucid carrying information. I shifted my crossbow with a slight smile. Easy. But that also meant going down into the Maze. I'd need to raid stockpiles.

Slowly, methodically, I made my way around the neighborhood, pausing at the base of the cliff that led upwards to the daycare above. The gentle sound of pages fluttering in the wind had drawn me, and I picked up the loose piece of the CHORUS manual and shoved it in one of my pocket. Another was in a backyard, resting beneath the sparking form of Dax's drone on the eaves above. I smiled as I hauled myself up, snapping a pic of the broken piece of tech to send to Dax.

'Found your Drone.

Again.'

It was quick work to fix, even as my eyes traced upwards towards the cliff. I'd deal with the handbook and the last few pages before I went down there...The rest were a bit beyond my reach. I'd need to go around. Creeping slowly through front yards, mindful of shadows and the Lucids that seemed to saturate the neighborhood this time of night, I slipped towards the road.

Something knew I was there.

I stiffened,turning sharply on my heel to stare down the road. A Sleeper's head had swung towards me, arms reaching, seeking. I allowed myself a breath. "Just you." It was barely a waver of words. I turned to head back up the road.

Their presence is often hard to describe when you notice it. Sometimes when a daimon speaks to me, I can catch it before it happens. There's...signs. Warnings. With...Them...it always felt like too many eyes turning onto me. Scrutiny. Judgement. It sets off the hair on the back of my neck, and sparks a cold sweat.

Thee-I-Dare is...harder to describe. His presence has always felt unobtrusive. Like someone waiting patiently, politely, at a door while you're focused on something else. Never quite sure how long they've been standing there. But...not quite that either. It's more than that. Like a peal of thunder. An echo of something powerful...something that makes you jump if you don't expect it's arrival.

YOU ASK WHAT YOU ARE TO ME...

I startle badly, nearly fumbling my crossbow. A hand slaps to my mouth to muffle the yelp that threatens at the sudden whisper of words that brushes through my subconscious. The lurch of my heart and mind stumbles, as I try to remember who I'd burned my last ritual to.

To...to Them. But this wasn't them. This was him. I'd asked him not long ago about us. My kind. He'd answered swifter than I'd anticipated. It had been a prayer born of doubts, and I felt now that guilt eating at me. Fizzing low in my gut.

"Sorry...you gave me a fright. Uhm. Yeah." I stumbled out the words, quiet and soft in the street, managing to pick my feet up and keep moving. "Just...was wondering."

The silence lengthened, and I waited it out. I wasn't sure who the discomfort in that moment belonged to.

TRY NOT TO TAKE ME WRONG, IN THIS...

It was a hesitant start as any. And I felt for him. Mine had been a very loaded question from the start. Unable to help myself, I opened my mouth to reassure. "I..figured it's not going to be a...pretty answer. So...duly noted." The guilt had formed a symphony with unease in my chest. It was a rough start now for both of us, a leveled playing field. I was afraid of where this path would go.

In the silence that followed, I gathered the last few pages and the book, pulling myself quietly onto the roof of Old Growth.

TO ME YOU ARE LIKE UNTO THE EARTH

He was ever a fan of metaphor. He augmented his phrasing in ways that were easily understood. But sometimes the point flew right over my head. Brows furrowed, I squinted up at the depths of the night sky, mouthing the phrase over and over silently. "...unto the earth?" I finally mumbled, the words spilling out audibly.

A SOURCE OF GREAT POTENTIAL

The understanding clicked, finally. I was grateful for a bit more elucidation, even as dismay settled on my shoulders like a heavy blanket. "Oh...I see. An untapped resource."

WE STROVE UNJUSTLY TO MASTER IT.

My jaw clenched a touch, the fizzling in my chest hissing out, replaced by a heavy weight of resignation that leeched into my tones. "...got it. Yeah. A resource." 'Try not to take me wrong, in this...' My eyes slid away from the sky as I slipped off the roof and down towards the campground. Silence pervaded between us again.

After a moment I cleared my throat and attempted to speak, only to be given pause as the presence coiled in the back of my mind stirred and spoke again.

WE...I, MAY HAVE AWAKENED YOU

A nod, though I have no idea if he even saw it. I barely understood how these things worked. I had meant to ask him about that...but another time maybe. Later, maybe.

"Right. You were the one who Woke us all up in the beginning. Will, and then Word." A frown now as I turned over things. "But..unjust to your eyes...? Not necessarily everyone else's at the time..?"

BUT WHAT IF YOU WOULD HAVE RISEN?

WITHOUT ME. I WILL NEVER KNOW.

Thee-I-Dare proved himself again with a habit of keeping me confused as he spoke. I often felt every one of my very young fourteen years in the face of his...centuries? Millennia? He was ancient. An understanding and consciousness far beyond mine, even when some days he felt human. I often sat back after talks and marveled at the fact that I'd managed to keep up with him at all. But in this moment it was just...me at a loss once more.

I bit off the tail end of a sigh, "When you say risen, this feels like new terminology." An important word. Things that seemed so innocuous in our mouths could have a whole new meaning in the eyes of daimons. "Cuz we're Awake, and that feels like a very y'know...proper noun. Risen feels like something similar, but if so it's not one I'm familiar with."

I USE THAT WORD OFTEN, FOR SPEED...

Speed like...swiftness? Or speed to help communicate with less? I decided perhaps the latter. "Ok, gotcha. Metaphorical. Easier to try and get a point across." Even I could hear the lack of certainty in my voice however. It didn't help my concentration that I was now neck deep in the Maze, seeking the Lucid that bore the evidence I'd need to gather before I could leave.

BUT IN TRUTH, WAKE TO SLUMBER?

IT IS A LONG SLOPE, ALWAYS HAS BEEN

I held back a laugh. He always seemed to pick the hardest fights. The longest and steepest slopes. The most opposition. It was his nature but, I couldn't resist a tease. "Back to that tenacity of yours again...huh?" It didn't quite reach it's mark today. I don't think either of our hearts were entirely in it...or whatever the daimon equivalent would have been.

WHAT IF I JUST WOKE YOU EARLY?

Early...? In what sense? Historically? "I feel like..I'm missing a lot of pieces of context..." The late hour didn't help my ability to think straight either in that moment. I spotted the Lucid I needed in Host Conditioning, managing a neat dispatch of them, and moved to collect. "I'm afraid you're more familiar with your history than I am. So i'm not quite sure what...early might mean." My eyes once again sought a form that wasn't there, as if looking to meet the eyes of the daimon in my head. I started to understand why some people just kept their eyes shut when speaking to them but...I had more to do yet.

NO. IN THIS, I SPECULATE.

Ah. That explained it all. I'd chased the tail end of a thought. Speculation and nothing more.

I THINK YOU DO NOT NEED US.

That again. He'd mentioned it to me and countless others. It was important to him, even if I wasn't sure how I felt about it myself. "Yes, you've mentioned that a few times." Again I felt a need to try to justify his existence. To try and give him a reason to stay, even if I knew that the words of one small child...might not mean much at all. "You're a catalyst." He finished his thought, having waited patiently for me to blurt mine.

AS THE EARTH MAY NOT NEED YOU.

I stilled, thoughts switching back. Oh.

"Right. Well..in that way. If we're going into this." I could feel that uncertainty winding tight in my chest again, even as I felt yet another loaded question slide home into the barrel. "There's thoughts that...humans with the Earth, we might destroy it because of how we utilize it. Is there that fear of that with my kind and yours and how they interact...?"

The answer came swiftly.

YES.

My eyes slid shut. A breath expelling from clenched teeth. "...well. That's not ominous at all, is it?" A stray thought, "Are we talking more abstract like will, or are we talking...annihilation?" Destruction of my species in any format was...not ideal.

MY SIBLINGS DO NOT FEAR THAT

Of course they didn't. "They seem...less concerned with us. At least...in comparison." In comparison to him. To maybe a small handful. From what I'd heard and seen we were...expendable parts. Cattle. It sat like a lump in my chest and stomach.

ALL BUT ONE. THE END MOTHER.

Unbidden, a chill came over me. Her. Memories flashed across my mind. A great eye of stars in the sky. Nerves colored my tone. "Yeah..." the word was drawn out. "Her." My voice was quiet. Meeker. "I don't think I like her."

SHE AND I AGREE, WE...NEED LIMITS

I wanted to pursue that. The idea of them limiting themselves but..the fear still ran cold in me at mention of Her, raising the hair on my arms. It distracted my senses, leaving me fumbling and desperate to leave the cold chill of the Maze and get back beneath the sky above me. "She's a finality but she scares me...I don't know if that's wise or not." Was death not a promise given to all who breathe their first breath? Whose hearts beat?

But I...I didn't want to die. Not now. I'd seen too much death in the Maze. Watched it take my friends. I didn't want to be added to that growing ledger.

IT IS.

It was a relief to hear that confirmation come back to me. That I wasn't a fool for it. But...I knew there were also some that saw her differently. "I...don't see how some people are as close to her as they are...But..that's their choice to make I think." And after all, wasn't choice something entirely human to begin with?

There was a pause between us as I sought my way out of the Maze, sliding out of a garage utility hatch. I still felt jittery. Unnerved, until I was back in the night air and under the expanse of stars again. "A little better...a little more room to think..."

I felt awkward in the silence, the restlessness in me giving way to discomfort. You're wasting his time, now. "I...I had another question but I'm trying to remember what is was..." In the face of the buzzing remnants of what had been panic blooming, any path of thought had fragmented to splinters, slipping through my grasp. Coherent thought was lost to the late hour, and I felt the dismay tighten it's noose around my neck, along with the returning guilt that I had brought him here for these things at all.

I AM HERE.

Three words.

Three simple words, and yet they still knocked back the growing buzz in my head. The panic that maybe I hadn't been...enough in that moment.

I couldn't help the soft laugh, "I'm glad but...my mind apparently isn't." I tried once more for the fading fractures of thought, but as before, they eluded me.

YOU WILL SEE ME AGAIN, SPARROW.

Will I? I wanted to ask. How can you promise that in a place like this? The words rose and fell behind my mouth like a wave. I tamped them down. Sealed them away. I found new words instead.

"That's good.." but still, the desperate tide could not be stemmed, breaching now in some way. Trying to apologize for this hole in my chest. Trying to assuage the guilt that burned in me for my doubt. He was my friend. Why was I afraid now?

Reality was a bleak reminder of the difference between how I hoped things should be, and how rarely they aligned to truth.

"I just...I wanna say..." He's a friend. You can talk to him about anything, right? "I've been scared and a little...worried lately? Not necessarily by you or your actions but..Maybe also given to doubt." The admittance fell from my tongue like a weight. "I want to apologize if..." I shut my eyes, exhaling another wavering breath. "If some of my questions might be strange or hard in the coming days." They were always there. A ceaseless, binding vine that grew where it had been cut. Some days it threatened to overwhelm. Strangle and crush.

The hush of his presence slid back.

I DO NOT JUDGE.

How very different he was from Them. Who judged without thought. I envied him the skill, even if I wondered some days if he didn't just side eye all of us in spite of the claim.

"I know." I took a fortifying breath. "But I'm all too human," All too different from you. "And I still fear anyway..." It was a useless emotion, fear. And yet I was packed to the brim with it. I wanted to just take it and throw it somewhere dark and deep. Take the hollow it left and form it with something newer and stronger but...I don't know if that would still be me.

"But I'm glad that you're there to listen."

I AM. I WILL BE. IT IS MY HONOR.

I bit down on my tongue, feeling a pang at the words. Kind of him. Far too kind for the likes of you. You who doubt. You who question everything.

And yet.

Don't I trust him, too?

It was a war of emotions and yet. The kernel of trust remained. An anchor amidst the strife.

"...you're too nice. And sometimes that's the worst part in all of this." I tried to soften the words with a laugh, but the sound was hoarse and dry, wispy as the wind that coursed in the trees around us both.

GOODNIGHT, DEAR SPARROW. SURVIVE.

I could feel that presence draw away now. Going back to wherever it is he resided when he wasn't with one of us. In parting I replied, hoping that he would catch it, "Goodnight. Thank you, Thee-I-Dare."

In the remaining silence of Hoadly I felt...wrung out. The guilt was there but...more bearable. Time. Perhaps I needed...time.

But now I'd found the exhaustion I'd been seeking. Worn out and tired, I just wanted to go back home and sleep it all off. Maybe the fear would go away with the dawn, dissipating like a nightmare in the morning sun.

I could only hope.

[inactiveblog261838]

never again (michael langdon x reader)

a/n: not sure how i feel about this, but it’s the first thing i’ve written in a long time that i didn’t completely hate so i hope you guys enjoy. this is loosely based on san diego by blink-182. also, feel free to send me requests— i’ll make a post detailing what and who i’ll write for.

reader uses female pronouns!

It had been a long time since you’d last seen Michael, since the day you went to his house to ask his adoptive mother what was wrong since he hadn’t answered your texts or calls for a whole day, which was extremely out of character for him, and she’d told you that Michael was found by a special school that took him in to help him with his powers. She said that she didn’t know when, or if, either of you would hear from him again. Your heart shattered that day, sitting across from Ms. Meade at her dining room table. An emptiness formed in your chest and it had been there ever since, day in and day out. It was excruciating— you were beginning to feel as if your life was finally falling into place, and then the boy of your dreams disappeared without a word.

Michael was always on your mind, no matter how hard you tried to keep yourself distracted, he was always lingering. Everytime you slept, you had lucid dreams where he was back, and they felt so incredibly real, but you always woke up with the hole in your heart burning more than it did before. For years, you’d talked to and hung out with Michael almost daily, and now you hadn’t seen or heard from him in god knows how long. It was so unexpected, and though you wanted to be happy for him, you couldn’t help but be hurt, and wish that he would come back home to you. Just a week before he left, the two of you had sat and talked for hours about your future together. Michael told you he was in love with you, that he never wanted to be apart from you. But now he was god knows where, and although you knew it was probably best for him, it killed you more and more each day. His scent still lingered in your room, in the clothes of his that you had, he was still your phone wallpaper because you couldn't bring yourself to change it. Although you technically were single now, you had no desire to be with or around anyone else. Michael was the only person you’d ever wanted and your friends urged you to see other people but it felt wrong, like you were betraying him. He wouldn’t do that to you, and you were sure of it. Or at least that’s what you told yourself.

•

You and Michael were sitting in your car outside of some 24 hour diner you’d stumbled upon while aimlessly driving around. You were a good two hours away from home, and didn't plan on going back home that night. Both of you needed a get away from your lives back in Los Angeles, and a small road trip sounded like the perfect escape. The two of you had been on the go since dawn, finding different things to get into as you drove to the beach. Michael sat in the passenger seat, scrolling through his phone to find music to play as you searched Google for a motel to stay in for the night.

“Hey, Y/N.”

Michael’s voice pulled your attention from your phone to him. You looked at his face, illuminated by the lights from the diner and his phone screen, and smiled to yourself. He was so pretty.

“Yeah, Michael?”

“What if we just,” he paused, “ran away? Like, just left everything behind in LA and started over somewhere else, just us.”

“Michael, your mom,” you said.

“I’d keep in touch with her, of course. I’d just love to get out of Los Angeles, and of course I’d need you to be with me.”

Need. That word stuck in your mind.

“I think we’d need to plan it, we can’t just run away on a whim,” you said.

“Sure we can,” he replied, looking at you with a huge, captivating smile on his face, “And does that mean you would?”

“Of course. You need me after all,” you said, laughing.

“Yeah,” Michael agreed, not laughing. “What good would running away be if I wasn’t with the love of my life?”

You weren’t expecting that, at all. You stared at him, surprised. “That’s not funny.”

“Who’s laughing?” Michael retorted, dead serious. “Don’t act like you don’t know.”

“I mean...”

Michael leaned over in his seat, grabbing your hand in his much larger one. “I love you, Y/N. I am totally and completely in love with you and have been for as long as I can remember.”

You squeezed his hand. “I’m in love with you too, Michael.”

“Leave Los Angeles with me, I know you hate it as much as I do,” he pleaded, “There’s so much more out there for us. We can be whoever and whatever we want, wherever we want. You can pick.”

This was a lot. The idea was more than tempting, and if you had no responsibilities back home, you would have driven away and headed east right that instant, but you couldn’t, despite how badly you wanted to.

“I will, soon. I need to take care of stuff back home first. But once it’s settled we can head east and never look back at this shithole.”

Michael grinned and kissed you, looking the happiest you’d ever seen him in all the years you’d known him.

Eventually you found an acceptable motel room. You and Michael shared a bed that night, nothing out of the ordinary, but this time it meant more than any time before. You knew, with confirmation, that he loved you, and the two of you cuddled and talked about your plans for the near future until you both fell asleep, wrapped up in blankets and each other’s arms and legs. Everything felt right for the first time in a very long time, and you fell asleep so easily, without having to stay up and fight with your worries. None of them mattered anymore. You had Michael, money, and a car, and that was all you’d need from then on.

•

Unfortunately, that sense of security and satisfaction didn’t last long. Michael left LA, but he left you too. Admittedly, you were angry, and heartbroken, although you knew Michael wouldn’t have intentionally left you behind. But he still did. You were alone with nothing but things of his he left at your house, pictures, a broken promise, and memories that made you feel sick to your stomach. All the comfort you’d found in Michael for so many years was now gone, vanished into thin air and replaced with a disaster of negative emotions you never thought you’d associate with Michael. Deep down, a part of you was determined that he’d come back for you one day, that he’d get you out of this god-awful town and the two of you would be together and happy again, but the reasonable part of you shut that hope all the way in the back of your heart and mind. It would only hurt you more, and you knew it. The last thing you ever wanted to do was leave Michael behind, but he did it to you, so you had no choice. You tried your hardest to keep him out of your mind, and as time passed, it worked, for the most part. Sometimes, the thought of him would creep into your mind and leave you feeling hurt and alone all over again, and the dreams you had about him always seemed so real, but you always woke up alone. Even though a few years passed, they never stopped. If anything, they only became more and more realistic. Recently, they began to blur the lines between dreamscape and reality more than ever.

Alarms from your phone woke you up out of your sleep, blaring alarms that sent chills down your spine. You checked it to see an alert saying there was a nuclear threat to Los Angeles, and anxiety consumed you. This had to be fake.

A pounding on your door almost made you jump out of your skin. You dragged yourself out of the bed and headed to your apartment door. On the other side, men were standing in official looking uniforms.

“Are you Y/N L/N?” One of them asked in a loud, authoritative voice.

“Um, yeah, that’s me,” you replied, confused.

Two grabbed you, and dragged you from your apartment. “You need to come with us, we have special orders to take you somewhere safe from the bombs.”

“The bombs? That- that was just a false alarm!”

Silence.

Fear gripped you as you were loaded into a blacked out car and taken to an airport. Everyone around you the whole way there was solemn and refused to explain anything, just telling you that you were safe thanks to special orders from their leader. You began to feel more confused than afraid, but eventually gave up on asking questions and followed orders.

After a long flight, you arrived at what you assumed was your destination. They took you through a maze to the underground, and shoved you into your quarters.

“Mr. Langdon will be here for you soon,” the woman who escorted you said.

“Mr. Langdon? Who the fuck?” You called. She was gone.

The last name was uncomfortably familiar, but you shook your head. There was no way it was Michael. Langdon was a fairly popular surname, it could be literally anyone. Exhausted and confused, you fell back onto the bed in your new room and layed there for hours waiting on the mysterious Mr. Langdon to come and retrieve you, and hopefully explain what the hell was going on.

Eventually, you heard a knock at the door. “Uh— come in, I guess,” you called.

Nothing in the world could have prepared you for what happened as soon as those words left your mouth.

A tall, lanky blonde man came into your room, standing straight by the door. You sat up, staring at painfully familiar blue eyes.

“Michael?”

He smiled. “Y/N.”

“Michael! What the absolute fuck is going on?” You exclaimed, practically flinging yourself from the bed to him.

“I have a lot to explain,” he replied quietly, looking down at you with the same adoring smile he used to.

“Fuck yes you do, holy shit.”

Right now, you were too shocked and relieved to be angry. You wrapped your arms around him and pressed yourself into him as hard as you could, making sure he was real, that this wasn’t another of those dreams.

“It’s not, Y/N. This is all real,” Michael said, hugging you back. “It’s been entirely too long since I’ve been able to actually touch you.”

You were confused, but didn’t bother asking. You were too happy to see him to think about anything else. All you could do was continue hugging him, scared to let go of him. Tears started to spill from your eyes and onto his fancy shirt but you couldn’t stop yourself.

“Don’t cry, it’s okay. It’ll all make sense eventually, sweetheart. And I won’t ever leave you again, I promise.”

“You better not.”

[ayearofpike]

Black Knight (Witch World, Vol. 2)

Simon Pulse, 2014 441 pages, 9 chapters + prologue and epilogue ISBN 978-1-4424-6734-7 LOC: PZ7.P626 Bl 2014 OCLC: 1065025018 Released December 2, 2104 (per B&N)

A month after her connection, Jessie Ralle starts dreaming about a young thief who mysteriously disappears in a flash of light. On the ninth night of the same lucid dream, she herself sees the flash, and wakes up next to the thief and four others in transport to a deserted jungle island. There are no ideas, no instructions, no obvious goals. There’s just a clue, a plaque mounted near their drop-off point that indicates that six groups just like theirs are here, but only one will make it out alive.

In other words: Remember that world-building we had in the first book, where it was implied that Jessie and her baby daughter were going to be integral components to the new and evolving leadership among the witch council? Remember the difficulty and heartbreak of Jimmy only being alive in one half of her life? Remember the potential new bonds of realizing her father was active in her upbringing, and could be again in both worlds? Well, fuck all that — let’s have a Hunger Games. 

OK, technically this is more like Battle Royale, and Pike actually makes a reference to it as the young adults acclimate to their surroundings. But it is undeniable the influence that Suzanne Collins had on YA fiction, and certainly YA sci-fi/fantasy/analogues. In the wake of Katniss Everdeen, the market felt like it made a hard shift from doomed supernatural romances to dystopian future societies. It would be irresponsible of Pike to not try to cash in on that.

But this book ... is lacking in this regard. Collins’ success was not just that she made us care about Katniss, but that we cared about the bigger problem endemic to her (and all the other contestants’) situation. And Pike doesn’t give us enough to care about here. We don’t know what the stakes are, beyond survival. We don’t know who these people are, where they come from, or what they have to live for. We don’t even know where they are or why. I’m assuming there was another book or two planned for this series that would eventually get us to the meanings and revelations of this battle and why they were chosen to fight it and what ultimately was to come out of it. But this shit was so unsatisfying and we care so little about anyone or anything here that I can’t imagine we’ll ever see resolution.

(Like, does Pike even care? He claimed when the first one came out that it was going to be his “finest work,” and that the series could go “over ten books.” But it’s been almost five years and we haven’t seen another one of these. He didn’t mention his newer works at ALL in that recent Electric Lit interview. So who knows?)

The biggest problem is that the characters and setting we already know makes such a drastic shift to accommodate this story. And, like, I get it. The model of the industry, especially when this book came out, almost requires that you have established characters and an ongoing storyline before you ever publish anything. But it doesn’t feel connected to what’s come before. At all. It’s a new place we’ve never seen, everyone in the action except Jessie is a new character (and remember there are thirty-five of them), and there is almost zero resolution or explanation for what’s happening. There’s no reason this couldn’t have been literally anybody. Like, this could just as easily have been a Sita book, and maybe it would have actually made more sense, except that there’s no other vampires left. It probably shouldn’t have been a book about Jessie, who has a uniquely important position in witch world in light of the high-profile deaths she’s overseen and her responsibility to the Special. None of what happens in this story fits with anything that’s led up to it, and we are left a) wondering why the hell we’re reading this and b) ultimately unsatisfied.

I don’t even necessarily feel like there’s much to summarize, but I’m gonna do it anyway, because I’m dedicated.

We start with a chapter about the thief — Marc — whose MO is to hide in the trunk of a fancy car he’s valet-parked, wait for the owner to take him home, and then make off with the jewelry she (usually it’s a she) was wearing after she falls asleep. This heist is going to be his last job, because he doesn’t want to risk someone putting together a pattern that these high-profile thefts all came in the wake of the victims having been at his theater. So he steals the lady’s necklace and then her car to safely get out of Dodge, but when he stops to take a leak the light appears.

This is the dream Jessie has for over a week. The rest of the story is told from her immediate perspective, in first-person present tense just like a good little dystopian. She’s wondering about the dream, but she’s more concerned about who she just saw in the mall: the Highlander and President Coroner, just sitting there eating ice cream like they didn’t both get fatal holes in their chests last month. And yes, this is in witch world, where they died. She tails them and discovers they’re staying with (of course) the Alchemist, who tells Jessie there’s a reason for this and she needs to be prepared for ... something big, he isn’t clear on it. The Council has more info, maybe: the bad witches need to replace their leadership, and Jessie is first in line because she facilitated the killing. But what about the fact that she just saw President Coroner? The Council has an answer to that as well: one of the witch genes allows its bearer to control time, and so probably the Alchemist has that and has brought her and the Highlander forward from the past for some reason.

So Jessie goes home and has the dream again, only this time when the light appears she feels as though she’s yanked from her bed. She wakes up in the real world (and yes, I have expressed my hate for these names, but I’m sticking with them for consistency’s sake) in some kind of a shipping container with five other dudes, all of them wearing identical green outfits and matching unbreakable bracelets. And yes, one of them is Marc. The others are a precocious genius who’s going to MIT at 16, a quiet and scared Korean girl, an Israeli military fighter, and a Sudanese farmer who exudes strength and just seems to accept the situation. All of them were snatched at about the same time, globally and not locally — morning for the Americans, evening for Africa and Israel, middle of the night in Korea. But as far as Jessie can tell, she’s the only witch. So what is this about? 

They don’t get very far before the next chapter, where Jessie wakes up in witch world and realizes she’s in some deep shit. She spends all day trying to find Marc, but like ... if he’s not connected, how is this going to help? She ends up not doing anything about it, and awakens again in the real world on some kind of volcanic jungle island. They find the aforementioned plaque and immediately realize that they’re going to need to work together and find a place to defend. They also need food, and so Jessie has to start showing her hand when she catches a bunch of fish just by grabbing them out of the water. They find a cave to hide out in, but they also see some fast-moving people in gray outfits, presumably another set of contestants.

The Israeli wants to hunt them down — kill before we get killed, she says — and so everyone except the brain and the Korean go tracking. What they find is a grotesque death scene: five bodies in various states of dismemberment. It’s not the gray people there, though: it’s a giant Swede who has a deal for Jessie. He wants her to kill her humans as a show of faith, and he’ll do the same, and then they can team up against the other witches. Because of course he’s gotten all the information already, having made better use of his interim day in witch world than stalking some boy. Jessie refuses, and they fight, only the Swede has a healing factor that works almost immediately. Luckily some of Jessie’s time-controlling gene kicks in and she manages to run away, but her teammates aren’t so lucky. Another witch shows up and throws motherfucking LAVA at them, killing the Israeli and spearing the Sudanese to a tree.

So her next day in witch world needs to be more productive than the last one. Jessie calls up the Council, who is all pissed off that she didn’t come to them already. To survive, they say, she’s gonna have to go back to the Alchemist, because obviously this is what he wanted to prepare her for. So she shows up and talks to the Highlander, who starts working with her on fighting. Specifically, he forcibly activates her telekinesis power by throwing her off a cliff. So after this she’s gonna want to unwind with her family and enjoy their time together, right? Nope — she goes straight to Marc’s house and tells him the world’s least believable story, ending in the prospect that she might want to try to kill him so his witch powers activate in the other world. But haven’t we already said that killing someone in witch world means they’re totally dead? Technicalities. So she gets home and, oh shit, Jimmy’s mad that she went on a date with some random dude without talking to him at all about her troubles! What a silly boy!

When they wake up in the real world again, the Sudanese warrior is totally healed. Apparently the Korean girl has a super-powered healing factor even though she’s not a witch, tied somehow to the death of her twin sister, who presumably channels the power through her. They’ve also been offered a truce by a couple of other witches, not the ones who tried to kill them last night. So they partner up, but the Korean girl’s healing factor is instantly undone when she tries to fix one of the other dude’s teammates but they die randomly on the walk. (Probably actually secretly strangled by the lava-thrower, who Jessie learned yesterday can also make herself invisible.) They talk about the bracelets, which have some kind of weird stone inside, and one of the other witches says he’s found the source: a giant wall that blocks off half of the island they’re on, which you can only see if you climb to the top of the volcano.

As they’re walking, the gray team attacks ... sort of. These people are short and pale, almost albinos, but they move faster than any human can and Jessie knows they have some kind of group mind that allows them to work together. They surround the group and lure them into a battle with the giant Swede, and while they’re fighting him the invisible lava thrower murders all the humans except five: Marc (who does take a poisoned knife to the back), brain boy, Korean healer, and two dudes on a new witch’s team. Jessie manages to lop off her hand and collect her bracelet before she totally vanishes and gets away. Oh, and the other witch has captured the leader of the albinos, and is holding her hostage to attempt to lure in the rest of them. She doesn’t talk, but her telepathy is unsettling at best.

Jimmy shakes her awake in witch world and tells her to do whatever she has to in order to survive. If that means blowing another dude, whatever. So Jessie calls up the Council, which gives her a little more info on the two witches she’s teamed up with. Watch out for the second one, they say (not the one who’s tied up an albino), because he might have choked his last boyfriend to death and successfully covered it up. She goes back to the Alchemist’s house, where President Coroner pins her down about why their present selves can’t help Jessie train. So she has to limit just what she says about their deaths, and in turn they limit telling her that they traveled to Jessie’s funeral in the near future. 

Fuck this training, then, right? Jessie figures the only thing to do is help Marc live, and to do that she’ll have to activate his witch genes. But to convince him to die she’s probably gonna have to give up the booty ... only she can’t do it, she’s too busy thinking of Jimmy for a change in this novel. He wants to go through with it anyway (the death, I mean) but she has second thoughts and isn’t ready to put him through it. So they fall asleep next to each other and wake up in a cave on the side of the volcano, where the other two witches are fighting. It seems the first dude had his teammates on watch, but they mysteriously choked to death in the night while the second dude was backing them up. Huh. But they have to keep moving, climbing to the place where the second dude said he saw the wall, for ... like, reasons. 

They find another cave near the top of the volcano, and inside there are drawings showing a woman who looks suspiciously like the Council president touching a bracelet to a giant wall. They have to learn more, but the second witch isn’t eager to reapproach the wall. Brain Boy wants to go, so they agree that Chokey Witch can watch Healing Girl and Slowly Dying Marc while the rest of them investigate. Brain Boy touches the wall and freezes, and even though Jessie knocks him away immediately he senses that a lot more time passed, and he’s seen things that happened in witch world but not the real world. So Jessie wants to try, and when she touches it she’s suddenly playing red queen with the dead gambler from the first book, who reminds her that there’s more to the game than just the next card in her own hand. What? I don’t know.

She comes to on the ground with a lot of screaming going on. The Swede is back, so she and the first witch have to fight him. But he forgets Jessie’s plan and attacks weird, getting stabbed in the gut by one of the flying spears Jessie is controlling with her new telekinesis. Oh, and here’s Invisible Lava Thrower too, about to kill Brain Boy! He acknowledges that there’s nothing he can do and succumbs so Jessie has enough time to grab the Swede’s head and crank it around 360 degrees. Lava Girl vanishes, and Jessie picks up our other witch and carries him back to the cave, which is suddenly being guarded by all six albino dwarves. The other witch says that in this proximity, killing the leader will cause all of them to die because of the group mind, so Jessie sneaks up and lops off  her head, and then goes inside the cave by herself.

Sure enough, there’s Lava Girl, holding Chokey at machete-point. Marc is mostly submerged in a freezing stream, and Healing Girl is just, like, there. Chokey fights free, but of course Lava Girl hits him with ... you know, because they’re INSIDE A FUCKING VOLCANO. Only Jessie has realized something: these bracelets with the rock inside that matches the wall control their physical connection to the island. Lava Girl looks sick, pale, and weak since she’s lost hers, and when Jessie casually chucks it into the lava she drops dead.

And now Healing Girl comes to. She wants to try to help revive Marc before it’s too late, and wants to study the poisoned knife. Only she then tries to stab Jessie with it. Turns out that when she was alone with the first witch, the one hiding outside with a spear through his guts, he used his strongest power: mental suggestion. He turned Healing Girl into a slave, designed to kill those who weren’t expecting it. Jessie uses all her mental powers to break the hold, upon which Healing Girl ... jumps right into the motherfucking lava herself. 

I don’t know, I guess because we’re getting close to the end.

So Jessie disguises herself as Healing Girl and goes to confront the last witch standing besides herself. Who, surprise, does NOT have a spear through his guts. Apparently he can disguise himself too, in addition to the hypnosis. So he tells her to kill herself with the knife, but she stabs him in the lungs just before dropping her disguise, and then ... slits her wrists.

So Marc can live.

Because only one can survive, and of course it should be some dude we just met rather than the main character of the LAST TWO BOOKS. THE ENTIRE SERIES THUS FAR.

But as Jessie’s soul is floating away, she sees something. She sees herself, only older. Even though I thought once you were connected you stopped aging. And she tells herself that it’s not over, and they can go wherever they want to go ... or whenever, rather.

The epilogue takes place at Jessie’s memorial service (not actually a funeral, because there is no body, Jessie’s just been missing for a month but because Marc is now connected they think they know what happened) where Jimmy approaches Marc and they talk about what they know. In particular, Jimmy asks Marc to watch after his real-world son, who oh yeah there was an unfollowed thread where they got a DNA report that said he wasn’t actually Jimmy’s kid but it was also prepared by Jessie’s still-mostly-absentee father who has an agenda in ascending the ranks of the Council so its authenticity is questionable. But then they talk about Jessie and ... neither one thinks she’s actually dead.

And that.

Is the end of Black Knight.

I can sort of pick out the seeds that Pike is sowing in this story. I can start to sense the coming trails and paths the characters might walk in the supposedly potential ten-book series about witches. But like. You just essentially killed your MAIN CHARACTER. Your NARRATOR. And we don’t actually care about this jewel thief guy, who by all appearances is a BAD PERSON. But you went ahead and put him in the forefront. 

Is it any wonder this series fizzled out? Part of why I (and maybe a lot of us) got tired of dystopian fiction is that so many authors felt the need to keep raining shit on their protagonists. And yeah, this is another Hunger Games thing, but there’s a reason there — the dictatorial leadership fighting to keep rebellion down. To be perfectly honest, even though I see that reason, I didn’t like it there either. At some point, I wanted Collins to HELP Katniss rather than repeatedly jamming a boot in her face. We want to trust our authors to care about the protagonist the way we’re supposed to care. So when writers keep making their characters climb uphill, for no reason other than to try to get readers to buy the next one and see how they get over the obstacles, it becomes stale. If they obviously don’t care, why should we?

[inopinion]

hi! I loved your barrow family fanfics they are amazing! could you do a short little excerpt of 1. cal and kilorn coming back from the end of gs where mare gave herself up and telling her family what happened? maybe in brees pov?? and then cut to before they left to rescue her ruth talking to cal telling him good luck and them having kind of a heart to heart about mare and how much they love her? sorry its specific its been in my head for a while but i dont have the skills to write it lol

A perfect reason to expand. Thank you for this prompt.

The Barrow Family Chronicles (What was left behind)

Part 1, Part 2. (This one comes chronologically before those)

Tag list: @lilyharvord, @mareshmallow, @redqueenfandom, @anyone-anything-canbetrayanyone, @runexandra, @tiberias-vii, @mareshmallow, @adraxsteia, @wrenskonos, @scarletguardsource, @clarafarleybarrow, @morebooks-pls, @lucid-shinobi, @cordelnight, @redqueenforever, @naercxy, @juggyandbetty, @mom2reesie, @lamemathpuns, @artemishdp, @feeoly, @psychopath-butterfly, @caloresblood, @evngelinesmos, @magicpara-dise

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For all theabilities and powers we have on this base, trenching drainage ditches is stillbest done by hand. There’s a Strongarm helping, but she’s not that muchstronger than me. A little, I guess. We keep our distance from thesilvers. Though, she sure is fit and it’s hard not to watch her work.

Being busy surebeats letting my mind wonder. Mare left last night and there hasn’t been wordsince. It’s not unusual for them to keep things quiet, but it sure sucks forour family. 

There’s just a tonof rumors. As soon as the jet took off, tongues start wagging. It’s all theusual: they only filled up halfway; they didn’t pack enough rations; they weregoing to have to abandon some of the team to make it back. The latest is thatthey lost communication, that the plane went down. It’s all talk.

Three other planeswent out today and that has even more scuttle collecting. A search party, theysay. Some say they’re surrounded and need reinforcements. When they thought Iwasn’t around, one asshole had the nerve to say they were body collectors. He’sin the infirmary for the day. No one’s gonna make a joke out of my sister’slife.

.

The planes come backfew hours before sun-set. Something about it, the way they went so deepinto the hangar, I knew something was wrong. It’s the same way that we knewsomething horrible had happened when Mare showed up with Shade. They hadstopped in the middle of the yard, where everyone could see them. One adisplay, now this one is hiding. 

It’s not good.Everything feels tight again, like when Shade… Everything pinches and prickles.It’s hard to breath and hard not to breath so fast. It’s harder still to makeit up the small bank, to get out of the ditch we’ve been digging all day. Somecall after me, but I’m not in any mood to wait on knowing. I walk to thehanger.

Farley is there to meet them. She’s still puffy-eyed andstrained looking, still grieving hard for my brother. She and Mare had wordsbefore the plane took off. Mare’s had words with a lot of people lately. She’ssort of war-fucked at the moment. Seen it a thousand times and it’s still worsewhen it’s your sister fighting herself so hard. Farley looks at me and thenaway. I’m no expert, but that’s not a good sign.

“Barrow, you should clean up. Go home,” she suggests.

“Go home? No news for us?” I ask.

“Prepare yourselves, best you can,” Farley strides away from me.

Dead. Dead. Gone. To be in the ground securely buried. When fivebecomes four and then becomes three… the three have to wonder, “why us.”

At the barracks, mom is patching a stack of pants. Gisa movesslower on her own set of shirts. Gisa stops immediately, mom won’t look up.This is a disruption to our routine and that is never good. Dad pushes himselfover and reads my face.

“She didn’t?” He holds together just for those two words andthen stops himself.

I nod, it’s easier to do than to say what we’re all thinking. Soinstead, I say, “Farley said to collect ourselves. I’m going to wash up.”

“Tramy…” mom murmurs, setting her sewing down.

“I’ll get him,” little Gisa is quick to get away. Running usedto be Mare’s thing, but maybe we all have a bit of that in us. She moves fastout of the room and down the hall.

I follow but only to the washroom. I scrub the dirt from myarms, my hands, wipe the sweat from my neck. I dug a ditch today already. Ithink I have it in me to dig a grave. For Mare, I’ll dig that grave all nightlong. And that’s when the tears come.

Tramy has been tending the fields at the on-base farm. They growsome of the vegetables we eat in small patches. The weeds are constantlyinvading. Tramy moves on his hands and knees down the rows clearing the soil.It’s turned his skin dark and hunched his shoulders. If hekeeps at it, he’s going to be hooked as an old man.

Oldman… Tramy and I, we might grow old. We were all supposed to die. We tried ourbest not to, but out of all of us, the smartest are gone. How is that fair? Iwant to switch places with either of them, with both of them. Surely I’m big enoughto take their place. But that’s not how death works.

Idry my face and take long breaths, steadying myself. I will be strong for Gisaand for mom. I will be strong for dad and for Tramy. I will not break. I willnot break.

Tramyand Gisa scurry from the other direction. Tramy is pale and getting lighter ashe walks. He’s moving fast and barely breathing. I can see the dizziness strikehim. We let him recover on the floor, watch him vomit his nerves, and then wehaul him up.

“Formom, now. Steady for mom,” I remind him. He nods and pulls his shoulders back,attempts to be straight and strong.

Thewaiting is the worst. Mom is already losing it. She runs her hands over thesmall blanket all of us used as babies. Even if Gisa was the last, it was alsoShade’s, also Mare’s. Dad holds her hand and they cry then mom gasps when theknock comes on the door.

Kilorn,our sixth sibling, our cousin, our… family by choice. You get the family thatyou get and that is precious and unique. But then you get the family that youneed. That’s what we are to Kilorn, the family that he needed.

“She’snot dead,” he says before anyone behind me can see him.

Momcries in a release of stress.

“Thankyou. Thank you,” Dad murmurs into his hands.

“Warren, what is going on?” Tramy pushes past me and drags himin.

He is not alone. Behind him, the fucking Prince of Norta hoversoutside. It least he has manners enough not to enter uninvited. I move to shutthe door.

“Bree Barrow, you let that boy in,” mom intervenes.

If dad had asked, I probably still would have shut the door, butfor mom, I move to the side and he steps in. Our house is split. He and hiskind have killed too many of us and ours. We knew at the front when the princewas in command, they wouldn’t ever let us forget it. The number of reds dead onthe battlefield didn’t seem to matter when it came time to call it a success.Thousands died because of him. I almost died because of him. Mare has been drugthrough the mud and across arenas because of him. And dad shakes his hand.

“Mr. Barrow, Mrs. Barrow, I am,” he swallows, he struggles. Iwant him to choke. “Mare made a deal with my brother.”

“Her for us,” Kilorn finishes, hands on his hips. “It was thator they’d kill us all.”

“Well, that sounds like Mare,” Gisa growls, and it’s enough tolighten us and earn a chuckle.

“Yeah, that’s our Mare,” my dad agrees.

“What will he do to her?” My mom sets her jaw and grips dad’shand.

Her question floods my mind with deplorable options. If it’strue and he’s obsessed with her, would he… could anyone… I feel sick justthinking about how men hurt women. I think about torture. I think about thetraining the guard gave us that was more like telling ghost stories.

“I don’t think he’ll hurt her,” the prince says.

“You don’t think? Shekilled his mother!” Tramy challenges.

Kilorn pushes back on Tramy’s chest an forces him to give theprince more room. His head shakes and Tramy cows. The prince could light us upin a second, best not to start anything.

“Maven… I think… he, um…”

“He had genuine feelings for her,” Kilorn says and it hurts him.I always knew he had a think for Mare.

“At one time, before Elara finished her gut-job on his mind. It’sa bit of a screwy situation, but I don’t think he’ll hurt her. If what I thinkcounts,” Cal presses his hands into his pockets.

“Then why take her?” I ask.

“He’s broken,” Cal says. “There is no why anymore.”

Dad blinks. Tramy huffs. Kilorn drops his hand from Tramy’schest and just looks haggard, bruised. I guess, looking at the prince in amoment of stillness, he looks worse than anyone else in the room. His pale skinis bruised purple in places, his hair is missing in places and he has blood andsinge marks on his clothes.

“What happened to your wrists?” Gisa points at white bands onKilorn’s wrists. Kilorn’s hands come up to his neck where a piece of gauze liesunder his shirt. “Your hurt?”

“Burns,” he looks at Cal, who looks away.

“You need to go to the infirmary,” Gisa stands.

Kilorn moves like a magnet repelled. Her movement pushes him tothe door. She reaches out to touch him, he moves further away. Until he thinksbetter of the situation and stops at the door.

“Cal, you better get looked at.”

It’s the excuse the prince needs to get out of our quarters.When he lurches forward, hands in his pockets, he stops.

“I’ll get her back. I promise. I’ll get her back.”

The promise of a prince goes as far as I can throw a piano withme. But that’s all we have.

Reblog to share with friends.

[semischarmed]

Projection

Have I ever told you about how the astral plane works? So, here’s a little secret about me. I’ve been dabbling the past few years a little in lucid dreaming. Well, it turns out I have a knack for it, and it’s amazing, I can go around doing whatever I want. I climbed Mount Everest, flew through the skies, visited Paris. The possibilities are literally endless. And, me being me, I like to go around in these dreams trying different ways at possessing people.

Of course, since it’s still a dream at the end of the day, the experience is somewhat detached. As fucking hot as it is, flooding my dream self inside my hot neighbor, or phasing into that cute barista at the Starbucks down the street, I always wake up to a sense of disappointment. There’s only so much the brain can make up. I’m not particularly smart or imaginative either, so it honestly feels like half my energy is spent just trying to maintain that dream.

So that led me to try other means. Of course, the next logical step was astral projection. Unlike a dream, when you project, you yourself are experiencing the world- the real world. I wanted to try my hand at projecting into people.

I found a book online that detailed specific steps on how to achieve this. I think this was where the trouble began. In addition to being a great lucid dreamer, I was apparently an astral projection savant. The book mentioned it could take months before I could manifest my full body outside the physical plane, and years before I could untether and explore the world. It took me two days before I was able to leave my own body and jump inside people.

All things considered, astral projection is a bit of a dead end. I thought I’d be able to jump inside people, control them, live as them, fuck as them, the works. Well, the human body is resilient. It knows what soul belongs in it, so there’s not much to do inside someone, you can’t really influence what they do, and people seem to pick up on the odd sensation of someone else being in the room with them, so even when I do jump inside someone masturbating or fucking, half of them stop on the spot. Still, when you’re in someone who’s a little more fearless, you feel their body as them, and, let me just say, it’s hot being inside someone when they masturbate. It’s like feeling your own hand do the deed, but you feel it as them. You feel every muscle, every feeling, every thought. The hot ones kind of suck at it, but the afterglow is pure bliss.

This book gives one strange rule on projection though: Twins, especially identical ones, are unique. They hold a special bond. “Do not project into a twin.” Given this ominous warning and my curiosity, and given how much of an expert I already was at this whole projecting thing, I had no choice but to try.

———

The first time I projected into a twin, was magical. Of course, I knew immediately who I wanted to test this on. The hot twins who lived down the street who were especially close. They seemed to have different people over all the time so at the very least, they were active. I had my sights on one particular twin: Chase. Goddamn what a specimen.

I decided to go into a sleeping Chase as a trial run during one of my late nights. The twins apparently slept on the same bed, which was a bit weird but was perhaps a testament to to their closeness. I thought it was kind of cute. Like with all projection, the body resists the intrusion and I have to claw my way into him. Easy enough.

Chase’s twin Caleb immediately stirred with eyes closed in confusion- “Chase... are you there?” The slumbering Chase did not respond. Upon closer inspection, I caught sight of Caleb’s slumbering form talking to the spirit of Chase that he took inside himself. Oh shit does this mean what I think it means? Then I decided to move inside Chase’s body while his form followed my spirit’s commands. I knew it.

The first thing I did once I realized I had full control of Chase, of course, was to start playing with this new dick. In my excitement, I was immediately drawn back into my own form, awoken by my raging hard-on. Damn it! Fucking tease. I decided to finish beating it out, with Chase’s hot bod on my mind and a resolve from then on to get better at this projecting thing and stay longer inside him.

I made a fascinating discovery that day- a discovery that had probably prompted that ominous message in the first place. Twins are already naturally connected in spirit, so when you astral project into a twin, you can displace them and the owner’s spirit actually has a welcome place to go.

———

The second time I projected into a twin, I went into the wrong one. Equally unfortunate  was that they seemed to have just had a fight, sitting in and angry silence before going to their respective rooms. I really should have done more research as far as who lived where because the person’s back that I slammed into was none other than Caleb. Likewise, it was apparently possible for twins to resist the displacement. This one was a fighter. The first thing I try to do in his body is flow into each limb and untether him. This proved to be fruitless, as he was easily able to fend off my attacks, kicking me right out of his body. I wasn’t one to lose a challenge so I again attempted a different route this time, concentrating all of me into his mind- control the mind and the body follows. Failure again. My final route was perhaps the cruelest, I expanded and positioned my soul to encompass all of him and began an all out barrage for control of his bod. Back and forth, my spirit squeezed in and out into him from all sides until he could no longer defend himself.

Finally, his soul submitted and I felt an emptying motion, accompanied by a quick shout from the other room. “H-What the fuck!” Chase barged in, visibly shaking, hands on his head in a mix of pain and confusion. He looked at me intently with an emotion I could not attribute. In response I gave a quick smirk and flipped him off with his own body before stating “Caleb, you’re pretty cute too. You like this? This is mine now.” As I start doing poses with his body, the emotion of my temporary twin became clear. Desire.

I stripped shirtless and began doing push-ups with his body, easily clearing 70 before finally breaking a sweat. I stood up and raised my Caleb arms, imbuing the room with his scent. Caleb looked on from Chase’s body with silent intent.

I then used Caleb’s nose to sniff his own armpits, used his own tongue to lick it clean, used his own mouth to flash him a demented smile. “Caleb, you taste very good, just like your hot brother,” I stated “-cmon, join meeee Chase... let’s do something sacrilegious” I ended with a wink. Of course, my fucking body woke up again, just when it was getting good. In the process, Chase also fell unconscious, as the real Caleb returned to himself. As I felt the last of my spirit be pulled back, and the waking world return, I caught the troubling sight of Caleb, back inside his own body, furiously masturbating over the events that had transpired.

——-

The third time I projected into a twin, he fell into depravity with me. Truth be told, I was again making a beeline right for Chase because, come on, look this face. Just as I was about to claim that tight ass, I felt myself get dragged into Caleb. A-fucking-gain. This time felt different though- he was still in the body with me. That in itself wasn’t too odd, given our fight from last time, but even  stranger this time around was that his body was willing. It readily welcomed my soul. His form followed my spirit’s every move, yet I still felt his soul present, compliant. I decided to do what I meant to do in Chase and began masturbating. At the end of the day, they were twins after all, Caleb was still fucking hot to cum through, and I was not one to miss an opportunity.

“Well I think today’s little trip is gonna be a two-for one” I said with his voice as I finished. I then purged myself from Caleb’s physical form and headed straight for Chase until I felt a part of my current body pull me back. My spectral form attempted to claw myself back towards Chase, but Caleb’s pull had been too strong. He wasn’t letting me go. My spirit recoiled and slammed right back into his and I felt a part of myself stain Caleb. “I didn’t say you could leave,” he commanded, forcing me to watch as he began to rub our body with his warm seed. Hot. We both brought some of it up to our shared mouth, taking in all that we had just completed. “If you want, I’ll let you go so you can go inside that asshole Chase”, he states, “Make him dirty like me...or I’ll have to”. That last line definitely threw me off. Though I meant to to investigate further, I again felt the pull of the waking world from my own body. He moaned a quick “thank you” before passing out.

The return trip to myself equally odd. The human body naturally resists a little before accepting a spirit, even when it’s the owner of that body but somehow mine accepted me with no push back. Something was off.

Still, being inside these twins was fucking hot and I was not going to let a few unfounded fears stop me. I set plans for my return trip to them.

———

The fourth time I projected into a twin was also the most impactful. I once again aimed for Chase, but immediately ran into a confusing sight...

Standing before me was Chase, or rather, Chase’s body, unconscious in frozen discomfort. As far as his soul, however, I could see its form convulsing and contorting in pain. I then catch sight of the cause of that pain- Caleb’s spectral form was somehow deep inside Chase’s filling into him. It’s like watching an infection in real-time.

I stood, or rather hovered, in silence at the bizarre display I had witnessed. Evidently, that was a mistake, because before I aimed to leave this terrifying sight and head back, I notice Chase’s unconscious form raise its head, turn right at me and give me a toothy, wicked smile. “I can see you”. Chase’s body licks its lips. “You probably didn’t know this but independent little Chase over here has been planning on leaving for a while now. Said we should split. Move to a different cities. Live out our own.” Chase’s body opens it’s eyes and starts walking to Caleb’s slumbering form. He leans over and starts making out with the unconscious Caleb. “Oh Caleb” he moans “Don’t worry. I’m never gonna leave you” Chase’s lips gently pry open Caleb’s and he snakes his tongue inside. Parts of Caleb’s cheek puff up and back down as Chase’s tongue explores every crevice. He sucks a little before letting out a satisfied sigh “so...so that’s what I taste like,” he says breathlessly.

Chase then starts playing with himself right next to his twin’s sleeping form and I couldn’t help but get a bit aroused. “You always were the hotter twin” Chase says to himself as he continues tracing his own calloused hands all over. His attention moves to the unconscious Caleb, who he stops first to ponder for a moment before beginning to pump. He then positions Chase’s mouth over his original body to expertly deepthroat his own dick. This stirs the Caleb body to life, and he makes them both finish on each other off.

With both bodies, Caleb finishes licking himself clean. “Since it’s all me over here, this is technically just masturbating” he says confidently, as if to justify the disturbing sight I just witnessed. Caleb then positions Chase’s sweaty body behind his and has Chase wrap his sweaty biceps into an embrace from behind. “Like I said bro [moan], I’m never leaving you”. Two amused pairs of eyes then look directly at me. “You’re never leaving us either right? We have to thank you somehow for this,” they say, gesturing at their incestuous selves. I am immediately creeped out. After thinking for a few seconds, they chime in unison “Welcome to the family! We have a present for you”. With that, Caleb drops unconscious. That was signal enough for me, giving me shock I need to head straight back for my body.

Of course, by the time I get there, I instead see my own self, sitting naked, eyes rolled back and moaning as he maneuvers my hands all over. I see him continue to explore me, twisting my nipples, which, fuck that feels good, masturbating me, using my own body to maneuver in ways I never did before. With Caleb inside, my body moves with a confidence I never had. The experience is surreal. The sheer pleasure more or less stuns my soul on the spot. When my physical body finishes cumming, Caleb brings our hands to scoop it up and, oddly, it tasted different- slightly salty, slightly sweet, slightly Caleb. He sniffs our armpit and, again, the scent was rank, putrid, and nothing I’ve ever created. What was coming out of my body was undeniably Caleb.

“Mmmmmm... property of Caleb now” he says with my voice, as he rubs my Caleb-smelling sweat all over. Admittedly this was kind of hot. With an assured stride that I didn’t know my body could perform, Caleb opens my door, greeted by a Chase carrying his own unconscious twin. Caleb brings my body to his own and starts defiling himself. He turns his own body around and starts fucking it with my penis. Fuck that also feels good. With each pump, his own body starts to animate, ever so slightly. When he finally cums, my physical form falls unconscious and Caleb stirs awake. I take this as my chance to get back inside me. Success.. and god with Caleb smeared all over me, I smell disgustingly good.

“You’ll never leave me, right?” The body in front of me questioned. I’m a bit taken aback and try to stammer out a response “Uh...-“ before I could finish, Chase penetrates me from behind. “That would be a no” He whispers before giving my ear a playful bite. Why did he have to be so cute. This whole series of events was something straight out of my dreams. Despite this, my self preservation instincts kick into overdrive. Whatever this is, however good this feels, I need to get out. Fast.

As if he could read my mind, Caleb’s body smiles as he makes his twin use his rough fingers to gently grab my hair and pull me back. He leans Chase over to give me a deep, sensual kiss. “Oh well, Chase isn’t here anymore. Caleb took me, all of me. We’ve always had a deep connection... but he wanted more-I trusted him and he used that love to get inside me, pervert my soul... he’s in so deep inside me now that Caleb is all that’s left.” He wipes his sweaty face all over mine and continues making out. He then starts gyrating his hips, pushing more of himself inside my body as the Caleb body does the opposite and swallows more of my still-hardened rod with his ass. I feel the throbbing almost impossibly deep inside me from Chase’s dick as they proceed. “Thank you for this” they moan in unison.

They continue humping me from both sides, locking me in a paralyzed bliss. “We wanted to give you something special for keeping us close” they say. Then I felt it in my soul. Caleb. He pulls my spirit out and with his twin souls begin to fuck me in the astral plane. The feeling is indescribable. Nirvana. Bliss. Ecstasy. Enveloped by and merged to Caleb and Chase’s spectral forms, completion. This could be me. This could be us forever.

Then reality snaps back and I am floating alone. I finally regain my composure I try to head back to my unconscious, smiling body. No dice. “Occupied” it says with a chuckle. I head for Chase’s instead, “mmmm getting close” it moans. My body grins wider and motions to the unconscious Caleb. He spits with both bodies at his own motionless form. “Go ahead, take you new place, Caleb”. With no other option, I fill into the empty Caleb shell.

Chase and my body then start fucking each other. Hard. Messy. He’s doing more things with my body that I didn’t even know was possible, and as the original owner of my body, and the current inhabitant of Caleb’s, I feel both motions amplified. Im sure he feels the same.

As Chase, he turns my body around, and again rams his thick dick inside. My body involuntarily gasps, which causes me to gasp inside of Caleb. He forces a wicked, dirty smile out of my body’s face as he plunges ever deeper. He slips Chase’s sweaty abs onto my body’s back, wraps tone, sweaty Chase biceps over mine into an armlock from behind and takes plump Chase lips into a quick peck on my body’s cheek. My body then sags unconscious. Despite the sight, the smell throughout the sweaty combination was undeniably just Caleb’s.

Chase’s eyes flutter and his body trembles as Caleb repossessed his twin’s body with the extra soul he stuffed mine with. With double the soul inside, Chase exudes double the vitality and in that sweaty embrace, Caleb again gyrated his twin’s body into mine as he fills it with double the seed- double the soul. “T-thank you for the house warming present. I’ll take real good care of you-you’ll take real good care of us” he moans, as Chase’s body now goes unconscious as well. Dread fills me.

Aside from the odd cases with twins, human bodies know who their masters are. The act of imbuing a soul into a different body is, in and of itself, unnatural. So it was at this point that my empty body starts involuntarily writhing, trying to escape. I see tears well in my closed eyes, still unconscious from effort. Of course, as Caleb, I motion to protect myself from whatever was going to occur next and set to pull my unconscious form off the Chase embrace. Before I could pull my body out of the entrapment, it shoots awake, face swinging upward to face me. Bright white eyes shoot open. Behind my skin I see a force pushing deep inside, stretching it unnaturally. The visage of Chase appears, beneath my flesh, wearing my face like a mask. Though it’s Chase’s spirit he melds, the smile growing is undeniably Caleb. When it all settles, eyes roll back into place. Instead of my normal eyes, Chase’s pale blue orbs appear in their place. The crooked smile grows to a laugh on my body, teeth looking odd, until I realize it was Chase’s own molars poking through my own mouth. He takes shallow breaths and smears more sweat around himself, and though I can’t place if it was my own body’s sweat or Chase’s, the smell emanating is fully Caleb. Bones crack, skin shivers and stretch and contract and construct and I feel, from my own soul, a massive wave of nausea.

If astral projection into another is, in itself, an unnatural act, astral displacement, astral merging was another layer of corruption entirely, it was unholy. He was changing something in me, fundamentally. Wave after wave of Chase’s flesh bleed into my body from Caleb’s onslaught. My nausea shifts into a unique pain, a pain of the soul, originating from where he stuffed my physical form full of Chase’s seed-Caleb’s seed, mixing and amalgamating us into a wholly new being. Musculature appears in place of the frame of my body’s previous shape as more and more of it is twisted and contorted. Then, perhaps in one last push of defiance, my body screams involuntarily, and I, in Caleb, scream.

“So you’ll never leave me, like he planned to” Caleb says, with a mix of my voice and his, as he rams the last, massive part of himself into my body. My physical form’s face contorts in discomfort one last time before Caleb settles it into satisfaction. “Look at us” he states as he runs vascular new hands over my body’s new face and then uses that new face to give me a seductive wink. “We’re cute as a button”. The transformation was complete- my old self no longer recognizable in the new brother he had created.

The change, of course, had hit my soul as well. From inside Caleb I screamed...convulsed...shook... moaned... you know, the works. When that last bit of Caleb dug inside my spirit and changed me, I truly felt him, felt my twin, felt his love. I’ll be a better Chase for him than Chase ever was. Our souls are bonded for life. I am a part of Caleb now, and he is a part of me. Everyone experiences it differently, but we’re all grateful after to have Caleb inside us, to be a part of something greater. I like to think I have the extra privilege of being his twin, new and improved, wearing his old body’s skin while he wears and controls mine. And sometimes, with his permission, I get to play around inside the others. Sometimes we switch and he lets me jump inside Chase, like I’m doing now. The only body off limits is my old one. I like to think that makes me special, it’s the only body Caleb keeps his soul in 100 percent of the time. It’s proof of our special connection. And he wears the new me so well, better than I ever could anyways.

And, well, that takes us to today doesn’t it? Why even tell you all of this? Caleb likes you. I like you. We like you. And we think it’s time to expand the family again. You got some good traits to work with- we’ll get a lot use out of that bod, after a few adjustments. You’re probably feeling a little sleepy now. Sorry, guilty, that was me. Oh this thick Chase dick you feel inching deeper inside your ass? Yep, obviously also me. But, cmon future bro, dig deeper, listen with your body. What else are you feeling? Do you feel our love, throbbing in you? Do you something else, leaking inside? Do you feel these calloused Chase hands pulling you ever deeper into us? Do you feel him? Do you feel Caleb already worming himself into you? Good. Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of you. You’re gonna love us. We’re gonna be fucking hot together after we’re done with you. Welcome Home.

—End —

Wanted to explore something a little different with this one. Hope y'all like it!

[thedropkickmessage]

Fisticuffs

I’m writing this not for any one person, especially that insomuch every one person that knows me thinks me insane. I can merely speculate on their thoughts of me, but with an educated guess I would think that they would consider me a madman, a drunk, or a drug addict. I am an addict, insomuch that I am chasing something with every hour of day and night, this I want them to know; but moreover I want someone to understand, if at all possible.

The first fight I was involved in, when I categorize thoughts and memories, was at a get together involving my old church. My old family church. But before I describe that, this thing I chase showed it’s face during a small accident. Such a small thing that bloomed into this madness that I can’t stop chasing, half in fear and half in fearful splendor.

In seventh grade, we had lockers at school like most. My locker number was 1137, and next to mine was a girl named Hannah. One day either I or she was running late, to hard to remember now, and as whichever one of us were scrambling for our papers and books, as she closed her locker door, struck me in the cheek with all her force of slamming it. It was not her door that hit, but rather her knuckles. I suppose I exclaimed, and furthermore I suppose she apologized for such an event, But I didn’t hear myself or her at all. Instead of hearing, I was seeing. It was as if some burning, terrible liquid had gushed into my eyes, causing prisms of wild color, and quadrupling every image I could see. Only, I wasn’t seeing the hallway of the school, but glimpsing what I could only comprehend (or poorly fathom, rather) as a wild void of images that seemed like some red negative, where Hannah seemed to be a sort of creature with an impossibly deep voice, and my hand wasn’t on the locker or clutching my bag, but was no longer there at all. I shook my head, and my vision was back, and Hannah looked very apologetic. At the time I supposed that I had blacked out, sure that no minor blow could cause a concussion of any kind, water had probably just teared up in my eyes. I think cartoons present this feeling as seeing stars.

Unlike any comedy or romance, I did never marry Hannah or fall in love with her, in fact I have no idea what even came of her. What I do know is that a couple years later, one Easter after church, my pastor told me I should come to his house, because a fight was coming on. I had no love or appreciation for boxing at the time; I had never stopped to think about such. But seeing as that was a time in my life where I was searching for and finding and defining my masculinity as every young man does in time, I sought as every young man does in time, to surround myself with with men in whom it was already defined.

I do not remember the match on television much, and it’s contents are not important to this writing. What is important, is that during either a commercial, or an intermission or for whatever reason or another there was a moment where the idea of sparring was brought up. Now, I was not the only young man or person at this get together, if memory serves well, there were quite a few. Somewhere along the line, a couple pairs of boxing gloves that were bigger than regulation size were brought up from a downstairs area, and soon there came the laughing and ha-ha-ing of the “boys will be boys” nature.

In all the laughter and excitement, mixed with the overall ruggedness of a boxing match and such, I easily got caught up in it. Some of the boys were older, and in so bigger than me, and I think pastor Jerry could tell what I was thinking, so he put the gloves on and told me to put the other ones on. There was a bit of cheering, and so happily enough I did. I want to be clear, pastor Jerry never tried to sock me. He would bat my hands away as I tried to jab. He also did this thing where he just held out the glove, and I would throw hooks at it, or knock it away. I cannot recollection why, as we rarely can with such silly things, but as he held his hand straight out, I darted forward, and in doing so ran right in his outstretched fist.

What came next was more pure and ecstatic than any addict’s plunge of the needle, any nymphomaniac’s orgasm, any gambler’s win. I never kept up with anyone who was there that day, and pastor Jerry is long dead by now, so no one could say what they saw me do. But with such vigor, and sweet taste on tongue, I can tell you what I saw, the best that I can.

I was shown something. I don’t know what allowed me to see it, or who, or whatever. What was shown to me bends all sense of reality, it shatters what we know about life, and shrinks even the largest earthly problems into infinitely infinitesimal iotas.

I felt my spine, from the base of it up go cold, and in incredible ecstasy travel up into the base of my skull, into my brain. The world that we reside spilt, or ripped rather, and I saw inside it, the inner workings of it. Large, rubbery pegs turned and churned like clock works, and I realized that this place was just right behind our life, our existence. Realization dawned on me furthermore, that I had been shown this before, in a feeling that I simultaneously felt for the first time and had forgotten. Time seemed to have stopped completely in this swirl of moments and and images, thousands of prisms danced dances and twirls all around. I reached for anything remotely familiar, and saw what looked like a bookshelf with several books upon it. As I reached for them, even they came forward as a wall, and I realized what was behind everything all over again. I saw faces, dozens or more that didn’t look like faces, perhaps faces wrapped in rubber or some bright silica, nodding approval at my presence, seeming to welcome me into this new knowing. These faces, attached to tubes, wobbled left and right as they walked, like Russian Matryoshka dolls. I had time to understand that these beings were the keepers of this where, when I began to see images that weren’t prismatic, images that weren’t new, but images I already knew. I blinked, and in so doing cried, asking, begging to stay, while I heard cluttered noises, voices from the outside, and a strong, warbling from from inside here say “Not your time. You shall know in time. We are time. We are time. We are…” and suddenly, the only voice I remember hearing was pastor Jerry’s, telling his wife Lucina to fetch a glass of water.

For weeks after this event I strained my mind in every way possible to remember what I saw and felt, through meditation mostly but also trying lucid dreaming. However, as more and more time went by, I began to forget what I was striving for; instead of conjuring any vision or focusing on a feeling, it became more of trying to remember anything that happened at all, like a man who remembers that he had a dream while halfway through his day, and then eventually not at all. When anyone mentioned the get together at pastor Jerry’s, which was sparsely mentioned, my mind absorbed whatever was being said and that became the only memory as like scar tissue. A road being paved over a pothole in the mind and memory; forgotten.

In this I exercise my right to anonymity, fearing that anymore detail than necessary will put anyone at risk for ridicule. I doubt very much that with as little detail as I have given in this strange account that one could or even would try to seek out these events. Suffice it to say that I continued life in some poverty, focused almost solely on my education, and in turn spent two years at a somewhat podunk community college, where I graduated with honors in English education, and moved on to a better known university with considerable less honors, in a sordid kind. I myself am not too much a victim to a party sort of lifestyle, but was not impervious to its pleasures at all times. This aside, I managed to graduate a completely average student, but graduated nonetheless.

Even so, for a few years there was still a bit of a struggle to make ends meet. There were no immediate teaching positions waiting for me with open arms, and so I managed as a tutor for barely more than the minimum wage. I had no family responsibilities so to speak, but still lived on a paycheck-to-paycheck basis. After around four years I was offered a teaching position for eleventh grade, however in a different city. After learning that they would pay for me to move, I accepted the position. The school was located inner-city, where the success rate was low and the crime rate was high. Still, I thought there with some success for two years before my world was once again ripped at the seams and everything changed for good.

It is at this time, where I can explain, as best of my abilities, how things came to be. As before, I had no family responsibilities nor ambition, and still did not make too much money. So like any struggling person with little responsibility, I set a fair amount of my funds aside for alcohol. I have never been a drunk, in the sense of an alcoholic way; no, it’s relevance is that to pass time, I would frequently visit a bar that was located right outside of town, as so to cut down chances for any unfortunate run-ins with any student’s parents. Like any normal person, I tried my hand at getting laid, but there were times where I would go just to have a few drinks and listen to music, as a band would play a few times a week.

One day, instead of a band there was a solo show, a middle-aged man with an acoustic guitar. For one reason or another that I’m still not sure of there came some bad sound suddenly, the guitar stopped and there were raised voices. The man with the guitar was standing, chest raised at another man near a table. I barely had time to recognize any curses when there was the sound of glass smashing, men grunting and a woman yelling in that shrill, dumb way when she’s caused a problem that got out of hand. Others got up, and I realized with dull, growing amazement that there was a sort of brawl transpiring. When I saw the bartender jump over the counter, my stare broke and I started to help pull people apart, as I didn’t want the establishment to get into any trouble for selfish reasons. I managed to pull two couples apart, and while attempting to pull a man off of another, his elbow smashed into my nose. I had a chance to barely register the pain as I stumbled backwards, and reached back to brace my fall. Instead of hard floor though, there was a rush of wind blowing my hair forward with force and the gut-lurching feeling of rapid momentum. I wasn’t just falling backward, it was as if I had fallen of the face of the planet with weights attached to me. In my view, I saw the bar with its neon and bodies shuffling stretch grossly long, the white cinder floor stretched so that it was an infinitely-long stripe in both sides of my eyes. I moved with such maddening speed that the air was being sucked out of my lungs like a vacuum.

Just as I had time to think that my lungs would deflate and fold upon themselves, my mind implode and my vision go black, I suddenly and completely stopped moving, every molecule instantaneously halting. If anything moving with such speed on earth stopped as abruptly, it would surely be ripped to shreds or flattened. Instead, I simply floated without moving in blackness, and my inner-monologue was gone. I was unable to form any thoughts. As I stared forward like a movie-camera, there was a sudden burst of purple light, that pulsed upwards in a tube, and moved quickly through to the tips of hundreds of dozens of sprawling branches, and again, pulsed from base upward to branch tip hundreds of impossible miles high. With each climbing, sprawling pulse my spine pulsed also, in tandem with the tree. Suddenly, I was allowed one thought, that I should not be allowed to see this. With this, a warbly, wet, metallic voice spoke, “There was always room, for you are you, and we are we.” I understood this voice to be taking up the entirety of every space of every universe imaginable and on, and also in my heart and mind. I was not allowed any other thought, and only heard once more, “There was always…” and suddenly I was rushing forward, past the impossible neon tree, past everything that has ever been named and everything that has not, with such speed I was able to squeeze my eyes as my spine and mind threatened to explode, I lurched forward with someone holding my hand. It was the bartender, pulling me up, thanking me. Some overhead music was playing and there were considerably fewer people inside.

I know that my words cannot explain or paint even a fraction of what I mean to tell. At best, you can only barely imagine through my details of these encounters. What I can express better, I think, is the importance I understood this to be. Because after this last encounter, I remember the feeling I had forgotten, this underlying knowing that I had been shown something like this before, that something had chosen me, from an entire universe of life, only because I am I. I simultaneously understood the insignificance of our day-in lives and strifes, and the purpose of my entire existence and the importance of it. I can only speculate why I was able to remember, perhaps it was my age, I cannot be sure, I only knew that I had a separate revelation: every time these Others had shown me the gift of their existence, it was due to being hit or struck in some way. With this, I moved ever closer to where I now am. Where I’ve met with you.

I did not go back to work. I knew now my destiny, and knew that children will always be taught, in one way or another by someone or, maybe even each other. I had no fear of lack of funds, simply because I knew that where I needed to go, where I had been invited, there was no need of such. First, however, there were a few mistakes made.

I know my tone will sound different here, but I’ve been writing this for some time now, and I’m desperate. After I realized that it seemed to me to be blunt force that allows me to visit, I tried many things. Do you know how hard it is to get someone to hit you? Sure, at first I tried to hit myself, but it doesn’t seem to work. Over and over I would smash my fist into my face and nothing! Then, as I sat to write part of this, I slammed my face into the table, two times. It didn’t work, it must be something to do with energy from another person, it’s all I can think of. I would go to bars and try to pick fights, but people just look at you strangely when you beg for someone to hit you, they look at you like you’re some writhing, pitiful drunk. I tried to join a karate class and a boxing class, and both take money to join and I’ve tried to tell them that I won’t need money there, not once I get there, and they just shoo me off, laughing or thinking of me mad. And so I’ve walked these streets now, and did you know that there are a sort who pay for the homeless to fight, nearly to the death? Bum fights they call them, and they’ve let me fall into the presence of the ones, oh I’ve seen things that I’m trying to tell people, because it isn’t just beside this existence, no, it’s behind it, right behind it, just maddeningly out of reach, and I’m afraid that if I do not get there soon, to that where where I am destined to go, that they will no longer let me in, that my window is closing so soon and suddenly, and maybe if pastor Jerry were still around he would hit me, but he’s been dead for years and so now I go around hitting people, just so that they will hopefully hit me back and I killed one homeless because he would not hit me hard enough so that I could go back permanently. It was his fault that he wouldn’t hit me hard enough, if he would have only not stopped then he would still be alive. I feel them calling me, beckoning me and no one else can hear it, and so I’ve written this so that you know that there is something else here, and yet I know you can’t understand.

The only place that I can think of that I know the beatings will continue is a jail, a prison. That’s where I will take my leave, and feel the pulse of the life-tree, and see the Other Ones and know of my true fate, and They won’t care whatever crime I commit tonight because it is They who beckoned me, and like the students I left behind, the ones in this world, the world that you live in will care only about yourselves and take care of yourselves one way or another, while I will finally go home.

[astralsecrets]

Dreaming of SP/Wedding/Run

I'm posting from work and the music is so loud that it's fucking up my dream recall. I'm so annoyed right now. Anyway. I had trouble falling asleep. When I finally did, I belatedly realized that Sleep Paralysis had settled in. And by belatedly I mean...I was dreaming about having it again. I 'wake up' in suffocating, absolute darkness. It feels like velvet. Sounds are muted. I recognize the heaviness in my limbs as SP, everything feels so strange. I swing my legs over the side of the bed but have to fight the impossibly extreme weight of my body and my eyelids. I shuffle languidly to the front door. Prickly unease raises the hair on the back of my neck. Why is my bed in the living room? Why is there a 3ft privacy wall between my bed and the front door. I struggle to lift my arm to unlock the door but I can't figure out how it works. Why is this so hard? Maybe it isn't real... I feel blurry and thick as my head bows forward and I rest my head on the door. Lucidity shifts into place but I'm so heavy. I flounder under the pressure but try to focus my will and go through the solid door instead of trying to open it. It feels so strange. I instead escape upward into my actual bed, but only for a moment. My eyes drift shut and when I force them open, into that suffocating blackness. No no no I think, not wanting to be here in this weird dream with the door I can't open. I wake myself up and find I'm laying in my real life bed. My eyes are very heavy, so I close them. Right on the edge of sleep I hear a sharp, low buzz like a phone notification. It jars me upward a step. Was that my phone or my boyfriend's? I drift again and hear the buzzing sound twice more which I just realize it's part of the SP. I consider riding the wave down so I can have a lucid dream but SP Lucids at night are usually just nightmares for me, and this one feels off so, fighting the weight of my limbs again, I turn my head. It's enough to dispel the worst of the paralysis. This music is driving me nuts. I really can't think straight. The next part was about my sister's upcoming wedding. In the dream I go to the venue thinking we are just rehearsing but get an ugly shock when she tells me it's going to be in about an hour. It includes one wardrobe change for her, I'm supposed to walk in first, singing a song but she won't tell me what it is but insists that I know it? And that it's a very special song? I wander off a few steps, anxiously singing to myself. I haven't done much singing lately so my voice is too soft and I'm worried about it cracking. AAAAH ANXIETY! She's running through the whole thing quickly with the DJ who is also a priest, and tells us we should go check out the other room, because apparently after I sing, run back, and walk with her and the other bridesmaids, we're going to go on some sort of pageant walk to a second room where the reception is, followed by all the guests. I'm so confused. I need to get changed but I don't know where my dress is. I break away from the sanctuary so I can find it. My sister thinks it should be in the other room with the other bridesmaids dresses. I take of down the green carpeted hall, glancing into every open door. It's so hard to tell which one is ours, there's activity everywhere. When I find the room, at the end of the hall on the left, I experience a fresh new anxiety because the room isn't remotely red. It's dirty and green and workmen shift thick floor panels around, flipping them over to expose the underside. They assure me it'll be ready, I remain silent in my extreme doubt. This wedding is going to be an absolute train wreck. Somehow I end up outside. The parking lot is just an ugly field of churned mud and dead grass where all the cars are haphazardly parked. I forget what I'm looking for just remain confused and anxious for the duration of the dream. The next part is just a fragment. Something about waiting for my boyfriend to come home from a supply run, and how we took refuge in my childhood home. He left me here alone, saying that the other person who went out will be back soon and he'll make sure nothing happens to me. C also wants me to ask the other man something. Other Guy is always going out almost as soon as he comes back so I decide to wait in his room (next to the family room, what used to be my brother's room downstairs, and before that my dad's den). It's kind of cozy, there's a navy/scarlet/white woven blanket on the bed with red and blue sheets. I crawl onto the bed. I want to sleep but know the guy will be offended that someone else slept here.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8297989 https://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/amurehna/dreaming-sp-wedding-run-85998/

[viatoriofumbrus]

Entry Five

Kachina.

Its been years since I've thought of that name. Years more since I actually associated myself with it. I thought that she was in the past, yet here I am.

We arrived in Wyrmshoals yesterday. As we approached the city, I told the others about Sicarius's bounty. They took it better than I thought they would. Part of me was afraid Arslan would just try to claim it, or that Aliana would panic at travelling with a criminal, but they all stood by me. That's the first part of whats led to my current mental state.

It was good to see Wyrmshoals again, despite everything. Of all the places in this world, its the most like home. If I ever get the chance to settle down, I think it'll be here. The smells of the markets, the canals weaving everything together, the sounds of the crowds, and the salt in the air; there's no place in this world I'd rather be, on the surface or underwater. Drae used a spell to modify my scales and fins to be blue as a disguise, and Artie lent me his cloak. They're good friends. Better than I've had in a long time.

We entered the city mostly without incident, but Drae did manage to introduce the guards to philosophy. She (I'll get to that later) asked one of the guards where the ocean ends. I swear, I saw that poor man's mind explode. It was kind of beautiful really. Weird to think Artie, Ulrika, and Drae have never seen the ocean before coming here. Even when I've walked forests and mountains I've always had the ocean in the back of my head.

Haverson's face at sight of me was a thing of beauty; we haven't seen each other in years. He gave us a booth, and I told the others the truth. All of it.

It was painful. Gods above and below, it was painful. Hard to describe... I'd thought about those memories a lot recently, but not actually about what was in them.

When I was done, they all reacted differently. It was hard for me to read some of their emotions. Artie seemed horrified by what happened to Haluk. Drae was kind about it all. Arslan offered to help me kill Sicarius; that was unexpected. Ria stayed quiet, but that's normal for her. Ulrika was quiet as well, but again, normal. Aliana jumped straight into trying to fling her political clout around, try and get my name cleared.

They brought me to tears, though I tried to hide it. Besides Haverson, no one has shown me kindness like this since Haluk died. I can't believe I threatened to kill Aliana in the past. She's been nothing but patient and kind, and now that she knows I'm a wanted criminal under her own mother's law, she's standing by me all the same.

After all that was done, we had a chat with Haverson. I gave him a gift of the Aqueln wine. I owe him literally everything I have, so that wine was the least I could do. He told use about some kidnappings that have been occuring in the city. Every one of them Aqueln. He also mentioned that the bounty hunters have stopped looking for me at his inn. Those two little facts together... I have a horrifying suspicion as to why these Aqueln are vanishing. I hope I'm wrong. I pray I'm wrong.

We began investigating with a Captain, a contact Haverson has. He killed two of the pirates in front of us (Artie pointedly watched the ocean instead), and then showed us to a smuggler who could potentially take us to the pirate's cove.

I can summarise the smuggle as 'ew'. A somewhat lecherous criminal who treated murder as a business deal and gave Aliana possibly the single most disturbing look I've seen in my life, and I've met Yagram. We worked out a 'deal'. We'd guard his warehouse for the night and kill anyone who tried to break in, and in exchange he'd ferry us to the cove. We'll split the loot 60/40.

A few hours later we'd negotiated an arrangement with the Thieves Guild. They'll ignore the smuggler's buildings for a week, and in exchange we don't do anything to them. In short, we lose nothing, no one has to die, and the smuggler gets screwed over. Win win win.

After that, everything went wrong. The others drank. They got up to some odd things, but none of that matters, because Drae drank her wine. It wasn't wine.

This morning, when we woke, Drae was different. Very, very different. Sane. Her insanity wasn't natural, wasn't due to an injury, its due to a fucking spell. That Cultist, that monster of a cultist we met back in that farmhouse has stalked her for years, and tried to make her 'his perfect bride' by breaking her mentally with madness. The wine alleviated it, temporarily.

That poor, poor girl. She seemed sweet and innocent before because she was sweet and innocent. These monstrous things she does sometimes; its not of her own volition, its because she's had this psychosis forced upon her by a bastard Cultist who deserves a fate worse than that which the gods can bestow. I can't even begin to imagine what I'd do to him if I had the chance... murder's too good. Maybe some kind of perpetual healing and fire feedback loop? Or a means of freezing his blood nonfatally, but permanently? Or maybe I could reverse the process and leave him gibbering in the dirt instead?

Kachina, stop. No. These thoughts aren't who you want to be, remember?

Regardless. Drae has been living as a man these past years as an attempted disguise. Clearly it hasn't worked. She's been travelling to Bournerock to try and cure herself. I've made her a promise while she's still lucid; I will do whatever I can to help her break this spell. Even if it takes decades. No one hurts my friends. No one.

After that, I made a suggestion; that we take a day in the city to do mundane things. I was still broken up inside about everything I'd spoken about the previous day; I'd had vivid nightmares again. The old ones. Haluk's body with his blood slowly dancing in the water around him. Sicarius's face contorted with laughter. Mum and dad hugging me as they sent me off to the surface. Between myself and Drae, I knew we weren't in a fit state to fight pirates that evening, so we arranged to postpone it and just relax.

I started to say I wanted to buy new clothes, and Aliana leapt, quite literally, at the opportunity. She dragged me out of the Scaled Fish and towards clothes shops faster than you can say 'stereotype'. Drae tagged along as well. We relaxed, chatted with the shopkeeper and each other, and got some new outfits. After that, I showed them the cities street food.

My god I missed squid. You can't get squid anywhere on the surface except this city, I swear.

After that, just started a new enchantment and chatted with Aliana back at the Fish. And I realized something.

I was happy. Relaxed. Myself. A day where I wasn't travelling for the sake of my own neck, or fighting for some cause under a nebulous title, more a figure than a person.

And so, I've made a choice.

I'm done running. I'm done being afraid of Sicarius, of hiding from my past. I thought becoming Viatori could be a way to deal with it, and for a while it worked. I was happy, but I was on eggshells. That fear, in the back of my head, always. Just look at how I reacted to Aliana! That's not how I want to live out the rest of my days.

And remembering my family; I want them to stay my family. Viatori and Kachina don't have to be two different people. I won't let Kachina die. Because when she's dead, what's left of her brother, mother, or father? A stranger born on the surface. I refuse to let that happen. I'm going to take what I've learned as Viatori, and use it to set my life back on course.

I don't have a plan. I don't know what to do. All I know is this. I'm going to clear my name. I'm going to see Sicarius and his pet assassin pay for what they've done one way or another, and I'm going to be a free woman.

It starts with the pirates tomorrow. I don't know where this road leads, or how hard it will be to walk, but its the road I choose.

[astralsecrets]

Dreaming of SP/Wedding/Run

I'm posting from work and the music is so loud that it's fucking up my dream recall. I'm so annoyed right now. Anyway. I had trouble falling asleep. When I finally did, I belatedly realized that Sleep Paralysis had settled in. And by belatedly I mean...I was dreaming about having it again. I 'wake up' in suffocating, absolute darkness. It feels like velvet. Sounds are muted. I recognize the heaviness in my limbs as SP, everything feels so strange. I swing my legs over the side of the bed but have to fight the impossibly extreme weight of my body and my eyelids. I shuffle languidly to the front door. Prickly unease raises the hair on the back of my neck. Why is my bed in the living room? Why is there a 3ft privacy wall between my bed and the front door. I struggle to lift my arm to unlock the door but I can't figure out how it works. Why is this so hard? Maybe it isn't real... I feel blurry and thick as my head bows forward and I rest my head on the door. Lucidity shifts into place but I'm so heavy. I flounder under the pressure but try to focus my will and go through the solid door instead of trying to open it. It feels so strange. I instead escape upward into my actual bed, but only for a moment. My eyes drift shut and when I force them open, into that suffocating blackness. No no no I think, not wanting to be here in this weird dream with the door I can't open. I wake myself up and find I'm laying in my real life bed. My eyes are very heavy, so I close them. Right on the edge of sleep I hear a sharp, low buzz like a phone notification. It jars me upward a step. Was that my phone or my boyfriend's? I drift again and hear the buzzing sound twice more which I just realize it's part of the SP. I consider riding the wave down so I can have a lucid dream but SP Lucids at night are usually just nightmares for me, and this one feels off so, fighting the weight of my limbs again, I turn my head. It's enough to dispel the worst of the paralysis. This music is driving me nuts. I really can't think straight. The next part was about my sister's upcoming wedding. In the dream I go to the venue thinking we are just rehearsing but get an ugly shock when she tells me it's going to be in about an hour. It includes one wardrobe change for her, I'm supposed to walk in first, singing a song but she won't tell me what it is but insists that I know it? And that it's a very special song? I wander off a few steps, anxiously singing to myself. I haven't done much singing lately so my voice is too soft and I'm worried about it cracking. AAAAH ANXIETY! She's running through the whole thing quickly with the DJ who is also a priest, and tells us we should go check out the other room, because apparently after I sing, run back, and walk with her and the other bridesmaids, we're going to go on some sort of pageant walk to a second room where the reception is, followed by all the guests. I'm so confused. I need to get changed but I don't know where my dress is. I break away from the sanctuary so I can find it. My sister thinks it should be in the other room with the other bridesmaids dresses. I take of down the green carpeted hall, glancing into every open door. It's so hard to tell which one is ours, there's activity everywhere. When I find the room, at the end of the hall on the left, I experience a fresh new anxiety because the room isn't remotely red. It's dirty and green and workmen shift thick floor panels around, flipping them over to expose the underside. They assure me it'll be ready, I remain silent in my extreme doubt. This wedding is going to be an absolute train wreck. Somehow I end up outside. The parking lot is just an ugly field of churned mud and dead grass where all the cars are haphazardly parked. I forget what I'm looking for just remain confused and anxious for the duration of the dream. The next part is just a fragment. Something about waiting for my boyfriend to come home from a supply run, and how we took refuge in my childhood home. He left me here alone, saying that the other person who went out will be back soon and he'll make sure nothing happens to me. C also wants me to ask the other man something. Other Guy is always going out almost as soon as he comes back so I decide to wait in his room (next to the family room, what used to be my brother's room downstairs, and before that my dad's den). It's kind of cozy, there's a navy/scarlet/white woven blanket on the bed with red and blue sheets. I crawl onto the bed. I want to sleep but know the guy will be offended that someone else slept here.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8297989 https://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/amurehna/dreaming-sp-wedding-run-85998/

[astralsecrets]

Dreaming of SP/Wedding/Run

I'm posting from work and the music is so loud that it's fucking up my dream recall. I'm so annoyed right now. Anyway. I had trouble falling asleep. When I finally did, I belatedly realized that Sleep Paralysis had settled in. And by belatedly I mean...I was dreaming about having it again. I 'wake up' in suffocating, absolute darkness. It feels like velvet. Sounds are muted. I recognize the heaviness in my limbs as SP, everything feels so strange. I swing my legs over the side of the bed but have to fight the impossibly extreme weight of my body and my eyelids. I shuffle languidly to the front door. Prickly unease raises the hair on the back of my neck. Why is my bed in the living room? Why is there a 3ft privacy wall between my bed and the front door. I struggle to lift my arm to unlock the door but I can't figure out how it works. Why is this so hard? Maybe it isn't real... I feel blurry and thick as my head bows forward and I rest my head on the door. Lucidity shifts into place but I'm so heavy. I flounder under the pressure but try to focus my will and go through the solid door instead of trying to open it. It feels so strange. I instead escape upward into my actual bed, but only for a moment. My eyes drift shut and when I force them open, into that suffocating blackness. No no no I think, not wanting to be here in this weird dream with the door I can't open. I wake myself up and find I'm laying in my real life bed. My eyes are very heavy, so I close them. Right on the edge of sleep I hear a sharp, low buzz like a phone notification. It jars me upward a step. Was that my phone or my boyfriend's? I drift again and hear the buzzing sound twice more which I just realize it's part of the SP. I consider riding the wave down so I can have a lucid dream but SP Lucids at night are usually just nightmares for me, and this one feels off so, fighting the weight of my limbs again, I turn my head. It's enough to dispel the worst of the paralysis. This music is driving me nuts. I really can't think straight. The next part was about my sister's upcoming wedding. In the dream I go to the venue thinking we are just rehearsing but get an ugly shock when she tells me it's going to be in about an hour. It includes one wardrobe change for her, I'm supposed to walk in first, singing a song but she won't tell me what it is but insists that I know it? And that it's a very special song? I wander off a few steps, anxiously singing to myself. I haven't done much singing lately so my voice is too soft and I'm worried about it cracking. AAAAH ANXIETY! She's running through the whole thing quickly with the DJ who is also a priest, and tells us we should go check out the other room, because apparently after I sing, run back, and walk with her and the other bridesmaids, we're going to go on some sort of pageant walk to a second room where the reception is, followed by all the guests. I'm so confused. I need to get changed but I don't know where my dress is. I break away from the sanctuary so I can find it. My sister thinks it should be in the other room with the other bridesmaids dresses. I take of down the green carpeted hall, glancing into every open door. It's so hard to tell which one is ours, there's activity everywhere. When I find the room, at the end of the hall on the left, I experience a fresh new anxiety because the room isn't remotely red. It's dirty and green and workmen shift thick floor panels around, flipping them over to expose the underside. They assure me it'll be ready, I remain silent in my extreme doubt. This wedding is going to be an absolute train wreck. Somehow I end up outside. The parking lot is just an ugly field of churned mud and dead grass where all the cars are haphazardly parked. I forget what I'm looking for just remain confused and anxious for the duration of the dream. The next part is just a fragment. Something about waiting for my boyfriend to come home from a supply run, and how we took refuge in my childhood home. He left me here alone, saying that the other person who went out will be back soon and he'll make sure nothing happens to me. C also wants me to ask the other man something. Other Guy is always going out almost as soon as he comes back so I decide to wait in his room (next to the family room, what used to be my brother's room downstairs, and before that my dad's den). It's kind of cozy, there's a navy/scarlet/white woven blanket on the bed with red and blue sheets. I crawl onto the bed. I want to sleep but know the guy will be offended that someone else slept here.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8297989 https://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/amurehna/dreaming-sp-wedding-run-85998/