#i also watched his ex gfs dad fuck him . they were in their car i was in mine and they were there .

[userblaney]

also do antibiotics make you have superfreaky dreams

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #463

“the siren sings a lonely song of all the wants & hungers  /  the lust of love, a brute desire”

Describe the person that you would like to be in three years. I want my mental health to be in great condition, I really want to be in much better physical shape, ideally be living with somebody in our own place, have a job I'm happy with, have an improved social life, my own license and car... Think back to when you first met your significant other (or ex). Was your first impression of them accurate? It's funny, I honestly don't remember what my first impression of Girt was. I don't even recall our first interaction. I'm sure it was most likely that he was friendly, because he is and always has been. What is your most noticeable personality trait? Probably that I'm really, really shy. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Which of your family members do you resemble the most? I guess one of my immediate sisters? People tend to say stuff like they can definitely tell we're related. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Who knows you better than anyone else? Hell, probably whoever reads these. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I guess you could call dating Girt a "new chapter." I have a much, much stronger feeling of this attempt being more successful than the last now that I've been able to change my angle on how I see him. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? I don't have my own vehicle and never have. If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you choose? *shrug* Most products of highly expensive brands I find hideous anyway. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yeah. One is a close family friend and actually our landlord. Does your family still use the home phone or are you all on cell phones now? We haven't had a landline is yeeeeaaarrrrsssss. Ever go to another school’s prom? No; my boyfriend went to the same school as me. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do there? No; we live in the city now. :/ When I DID live in the woods, I absolutely loved wandering around with my camera for stuff to take pics of. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? None ever have but omg I wish that would be adorable. How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was one of them emo kids. Would you ever date your best friend of the opposite sex? WELP that's what I'm doing lol. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? I'd call it normal? Higher sometimes, lower other times, but not to either extreme. Come with an unpopular opinion. Silent Hill: Homecoming is a great game and while there's a lot of fan service from the movie, it belongs in the series. It's actually my second (or third)-favorite installment. Most of the SH community absolutely hate that game. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? A lot of shit Colleen would say if we got into arguments. She'd ridicule effects of my depression, said I'd never know what it's like to pay my own bills, stuff like that. She's hateful as fuck and everything cut deep. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing physical. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? More than once. What’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever experienced irl? Hm, I'm unsure. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? No. You do you, but if I understand Tinder correctly, it just seems... really shallow to me. Like don't you JUST see their picture to decide if you're interested or not? It just enforces the false belief that appearance really matters in love. You just poured your heart out to your crush and all he/she does is respond “k”. What do you respond/do? Well, I don't have a crush anymore; my boyfriend and I literally exchanged "I love you"s last night. That's not a crush. But for the sake of the question, I'll imagine I was single and this happened, in which case I would be both hurt and annoyed. Like, either tell me you return the feelings or not. It's not hard. What's your favorite thing to order from McDonald’s? I usually get a quarter pounder w/ cheese or a McDouble, occasionally with a small or medium fry, depending on how hungry I am. When do you feel your sexiest? Never, hunny. What's your favorite emoji? I don't really have one? It just depends on what the situation calls for. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one... I just use a washcloth to clean my face. Who all out of your immediate family smokes? My dad and stepmom. Do you like incense or candles better? Incense, totally. Do you respect your parents? Yeah. What’s your bf/gf’s name? It's technically Donald Jr., but since high school, I've known him as Girt, a nickname I won't explain for his privacy. Do you wear glasses? Yeah. Do you like The Beatles? I honestly don't. Except "Hey, Jude." What was the last reason you got excited? Last night. When we were saying goodbye, I was scared to, but I told Girt I loved him, and he immediately said it back confidently. My heart did like five flips. I'm still over the moon about it. Yes, we just got back together, but we've been in each other's lives as a constant since HS, and after changing my angle of how I looked at him, it's not at all platonic anymore. Do you know anyone who drinks the pickle juice from the jar? Sara does alskdjfklwejrl;er Name something crazy that’s happened recently? Uhhhh... I dunno. My life is very uneventful to have something really "crazy" happen. Can you say for a fact that you’re happy right now? I'm happy about some things, but also nervous and self-doubtful. Have you ever zip lined? No, but they look fun. I'd just be really scared of losing my grip. If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? Ha, no. Have you ever been on a boat and got sick? No, but the one time I was at the beach and on a boat riding to an island, I was TERRIFIED I was going to get sick because of the waves. I didn't, thankfully. Did you sleep well last night? For the most part. My new mask might just be working. Do your parents try and plan your life for you? Not at all. Do you have any pictures of you kissing someone? Yes. List two things about yourself that you find embarrassing. My weight and how dark my leg hair is. Do you like to cuddle with your pet when you are sad? Yes. Do you find piercing attractive or unattractive? h o t Do you have any secret hiding spots in your room? To put money, yes. Do you like parmesan cheese on your spaghetti? Ew, no. I don't like parmesan. Does your best girl friend have any talents that you don’t? Yeah. She can animate well, for one. And sing like a fucking champ. Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? My Nintendo DS Lite is in here. Well, and my laptop is a gaming one. What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? ... Oh WOW I've known this man for a fuckin decade and somehow I'm not sure??? But I want to say light blue? Have you ever taken a ride in a helicopter? No. Have you ever visited hot springs? No. How slowly or quickly would you say you eat? I'm aware I eat too fast, because my mom will point it out almost without fail if we eat in sight of each other. I'm not a messy eater at all, just... fast. Chewing your food and swallowing isn't a complex task. I've made active efforts to slow down, I just haven't been able to succeed. It doesn't feel normal. That and I've come to discover that when I chew food TOO much, I don't like the mushy texture of it in my mouth. What did you do the last time you were with friends? Yesterday Girt and I planned to watch shitty Netflix anime for some laughs, but we wound up starting Attack on Titan, which I am officially pretty into. What kind of cologne/perfume do you like the opposite sex to wear? I don't care if they wear any or not, so long as they know how to clean themselves and therefore not actually smell bad. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? We always use a fake one. Is there someone who means a lot to you but they don’t know that? My sisters probably don't, really... Is money important to you? Live your whole life poor and I want to see you answer "no" to this. Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No. Do you like Slim Jims? LOOOOOOOVE them. Would you rather write a mystery or love story? Love story. Are you muscular? No. Working for it. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads? Yes. Originally, this house didn't, but I hated it so much that Mom bought one. How many burners does your stove have? Four. Has your car ever been broken into? Mom's hasn't.

[frankieshq]

[ itzy vc ] hey, hey, hey, it’s your girl summer coming at you with her twenty years of mediocre existence to present miss FRANKIE KWON. meet my self-conscious, awkward babie who uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism. you can find info about her under the cut !! i might have written a long ass bio that i didn’t bother to finish on a google docs but will be linking that one soon.

BACKGROUND

[tl;dr: young girl grows up in a matriarchal household that is heavy with regret and blame. dad comes and makes her childhood a bit happier, only to leave and break her heart because he’s an asshole. grows up thinking her smarts is gonna save her, but it’s actually her humor that does]

to truly understand frankie kwon, one must go way back--back to when her grandparents first immigrated to michigan. landing in detroit, sunhwa kwon and her husband didn’t have it easy. she had a two-year-old hanging by her neck and a brilliant but unambitious husband. she had to struggle with odd jobs for years while taking care of her family and helping her husband learn english, so he can use his engineering degree in america. she became a severe woman, never softened by affection but hardened by grit and hard work. eventually, the her husband was able to land a stable job and the family relocated to chelsea. 

sunhwa made sure to train and hone her daughter jina’s natural intellect, but her methods were severe and lacking in affection. jina looked for the affection she didn’t find at home elsewhere. she fell in love with the first boy that called her beautiful, and at eighteen, gave birth to francesca areum kwon. 

and so it goes that frankie was born in a household  heavy with guilt, blame, and regret. there was love there somewhere, but it was constantly shadowed by feelings that existed way before she did. the emotional scars her mother and grandmother inflicted on each other were too deep-seated that their love for each other hid behind a cover of blame and snark. at a young age, frankie learned how to read a room, learned what to say or do so as to not aggravate the precarious balance of their household. she learned how to figure out whether her mother was too tired from work or whether her grandmother was in a snappy mood. it was a tightrope dance she learned how to perfect, growing up faster than she should have. 

all her grandmother’s lost hope for her mother transferred to frankie, and her grandma supervised her education with the same vigor. although, this time, she was a tad bit more affectionate to her granddaughter (i mean all grandmas can’t resist their grandchildren, let’s be real). her mom wanted to protest, but aside from the guilt, she was always busy. being a single mom was hard enough, but she also had to take care of her aging mother.

frankie is a shy kid by nature, but her household just intensified this predisposition. she had few friends because she was scared about approaching kids first. she spends her time watching cartoons, studying, and writing in her journal.

enter: frankie’s dad, andrew grant. he left chelsea and his pregnant ex-gf bc he’s an asshole. but he comes back nine years later because he failed at whatever version of the american dream he was following at that time.

he taught frankie to have fun !! she’d spend afternoons at his car shop bantering with him and telling jokes. eventually, she relayed these jokes to people at school and was shocked when people actually laughed. she became more well-liked, developed a sense humor, and had more friends. the ages 9-12 were probably her happiest. 

at 12 years old, she got invited to a middle school sleepover for the weekend. but she had a big test on monday, and her grandma doesn’t allow her to go to stuff if she has tests the next schoolday. with the help of her mom, she was able to go to it by pretending it was a school event. had so much fun and forgot to study. she didn’t get a grade high enough for her grandmother to be happy, though. once her grandma found out what she did and her mom’s involvement, she was livid !! that was the biggest fight her grandma and mom got into and frankie was grounded for a month. the worst part was, throughout the fight, frankie felt like she was a burden to the two women she loved the most. she felt like she was the reason her mother was always tired, constantly nagged on by her grandmother about wasted potential.

to make matters worst, her dad left town again. fell in love with some other venture. he told her he would come back but never did. 

since that day, frankie dedicated herself full force to her studies. she felt like she needed to make it up to her mom and grandma for all their sacrifices. she built a wall around herself because it’s easier that way. she had few friends, but it was better for her.

her grandmother died during her senior year of high school. she loved her grandma, but she felt as if a weight lifted from her chest. her mom encouraged her to go to school as far as she liked. 

she got a scholarship to columbia and studied statistics like the big nerd that she is !!

she met roman and lucy here, finally felt that she had friends that she felt she can really open to. 

after college, she worked for a firm. she finally felt secure, like she payed some sort of unsaid debt to her grandma but she wasn’t happy, folks :(((

she first did stand-up as a dare on an open mic and she was so shocked that people laughed. she was tipsy then, and kept made self-deprecating jokes of her childhood trauma. love that for her.

the more stand-up she did, though, the more nervous she got because she gets really worried if she’s doing things right. instead of improving, she got worse because her nerves always get to her. don’t get me wrong the jokes are great, it’s just that her execution doesn’t always land.

comedy was just a vERY beloved side hobby for her until a small production company based on youtube offered her a writer position. she would get to  write their skits and stuff, but she it payed wAY less than her present job. she was like fuck it, and took the offer. she wanted to make people laugh.

that leads us to here, a girl who is still unsure whether leaving a secure job was the way to go, secretly hoping to be a famous comedian.

PERSONALITY

frankie is like a spring roll you guys. outside, she masks her awkwardness and shyness with some cRunCHy self-deprecating jokes and sarcasm. so, she has an intimidating exterior because she tries to be tougher than she actually is. inside, she’s just a soft and sad girl. she doesn’t talk much if she isn’t comfortable with you, but once she is, she talks a loT. but it does take a while for her to warm up to people. can be extremely judgmental (a trait inherited from her grandma), but her mind can be changed. isn’t stubborn, though, and is actually a doormat. the type of person to say something and obsess over it because she’s scared that it might have offended someone. 

HEADCANONS

lots of repressed femininity because there was a lot of internal misogyny in her household growing up !! it was only until college with the help of lucy, that she was able to access her girlier side. 

is a lesbian, but has a lot of internal homophobia as well. her grandma was a very traditional woman, so frankie feels very guilty about liking girls, and is very hesitant about going on dates and actively looking for relationships even though she’s really lonely.

likes writing a lot !! used to keep journals since she was 8 because it honestly made her feel less lonely growing up. 

nOBODY CALL HER FRANCESCA. she hates that name, but likes her second name a lot. only her grandma called her areum tho.

spends a lot of time at  mon’s deli, and mon could also be counted as her bff. she and the old man gossip and chitchat about the bennington street residents for hours. is this also because she is in dire need of a father figure?? maybe, yes, absolutely

used to have really low alcohol tolerance, but sort of grew out of it?? if she doesnt drink for a month or two tho, her tolerance goes back to zero like dont ask me, i dont make the rules

still a big fan of cartoons and kid humor !! loves amazing world of gumball and steven universe

makes her own kimchi because her grandma and mom have a special family recipe, will happily share if she likes you

i imagine the level of closeness she has in the group varies, like she’s closer to some people than others and acts differently around them

would really like to do stand-up again but still has stage fright

want her to either end up working on something as big as snl or writing movies or overcoming her stage fright and becoming a successful stand-up comedienne !!

[hellbabyfromhell]

why (if you don’t mind me asking) is your house taking such a large toll on your mental health? Im sure you’ve explained it already but... I’m out of the loop

i havent explained it, and tbh i didnt explain it to my friends fr a long time because i felt guilty AND embarrassed even though i should have just been madif you happen to know these people irl, i respectfully ask you dont share this with them. i need to speak to them at my own time in my own way. its long

basically my (then gf, now ex’s) fmaily “took me in” right after my dad traumatically died right in front of me and ruined my brain. i was all fucked up and they “took me in”. i felt very safe with them. but the way it ended up was with them  bleeding me dry with money because ive been  paying my ex’s rent since my dad died, and if you know me you know thats a long, long time. now, i felt that i owed it to them because they took care of me when my dad died, and that kept me from changing things despite everyone’s warnings, saying they were using and taking advantage of me. but they called me their daughter, they cared about me, i thought. but it really went downhill abruptly......it started with small disrespects. first off, i’m paying half the rent of this townhome for an uninsulated attic with no central air or heat on the third floor. it is alternatingly freezing and fucking makes-you-nauseous hot. this family tried to convince me that i had vents and they were just covered by my trash lol and thats why my attic is worth [REDACTED] (its too much). when i literally showed them the floor plans and there was no vent they basically just went Oh.

Then, they changed my name on the neflix account to my ex’s mom’s mom’s name, because there were too many people on the netflix to make a new profile, so they changed MY name, rather than rowan’s boyfriend or their random ass friend, ME, who pays HALF THE RENT AT THIS HOUSE. that seems petty but its like, im really the least important out of everyone?then came the thing that made me really start reviewing my situation:my ex asked to come over, and they said yes. THEY said yes. not me. this was like maybe a week or two max after we broke up. ex’s mom texted me to say “okay, he’s coming over” and i was like “:0( okay thats fine but i wish you’d told me before cementing down stuff because thats a little inconsiderate” and she was like “Well it would have been inconsiderate of me not to tell you at all.” I thought that was really disrespectful bcause like, they REALLY didnt know our situation at all, and i live on the third floor so if i needed something from the kitchen or something id have to walk past my ex because my ex and my ex’s mom wanted to be fucking friends. it was weird and rude and she would NOT budge on the idea of INVITING MY EX INTO MY HOME WITHOUT CONFIRMING WITH ME being rude!!!!!and then i started looking back, and likethis is one of the worst things, like a couple months after my dad died, i was like catatonic, barely present, sick with grief and majorly traumatized. and these people had me sel my father’s car, with everything in it, so that my ex could get a new car “to drive me around safer : )”...... now i have to BEG to get a ride down the street to baskin robbins unless someone themself needs something. i gave up my father’s car and everything inside of it for this, and they let me. at the time it hurt too much to look at but i wish with everything i could have what i left in that car. i will never forgive them for that. i have so  little of him and some of out favorite things were in that car and i know they knew that.ive mentioned moving out a couple times and they always say “well give 2 months notice!” done. i have. but they kept saying i needed to stay longer or convincing me it was bad to leave until the ex’s mom’s bf needed surgery and then now i cant leave till after january. i wasnt happy about this at all but i was like Okay well i guessbut then the other night, the ex’s mom’s bf (who has his own medical card) had the audacity to get mad at me for not wanting to get him a bunch vape carts from the dispensary i JUST got hired at even though id just bought a lot, AND HE WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE SMOKING!!!. he asked me a favor and i said i was uncomfy with it and he went fucking off on me. 

this is a little snippet. i know you dont know everything just from what im telling you, but what i can say i have done a TON for this family, and this is NOT the only thing he has asked me for, and i don’t know if the doctor prescribed him crack rock because all he does is sit in the living room and watch kill la kill. i was so disappointed in him because i thought he was least complicit and it turns out he hd some issue with me. i’ve done a lot for this family. it was really hurtful.since this i never leave my room, they rarely address me if i do or look right through me. the ex’s mom’s bf asked to speak once in a way that implied that he expected a sorry from me too. you ma believe this to be once sided, but i believe with my whole heart i have done not a thing wrong. i don’t want to apologize. it’s been about 5 weeks now i feel like and they have barely spoken to me. they laugh wildly downstairs and don’t feel even a bit bad that i never come downstairs. that i have to rush around to get packages. that i never use the kitchen or am anywhere near it (not that id want to be because its always stacked high with dirty dishes). my ex’s mom lost her job staying home too much from an illness that shouldnt affect her working since she works a desk job an all she does at home is sit on the couch, do nails, ply overwatch, watch safiya nyagaard and hang out with their friends. i never go downstairs because i feel like its not my home. also my ex’s mom’s bf walks around all hours of the night now so i never feel safe to go downstairs EVER so i ration water and food and when i go to te bathroom people jiggle the doorknob and i say IM IN HERE :0( and also my ex’s mom’s bf walks around puking with the door open  and blowing his nose (he did this pre surgery too) and i just am going crazy here i have to get out. they dont give a shit about me . i dont know if i sound entitled, but it really does suck but i feel so trapped. this isnt my house. OH , and when i sked about moving out ex’s mom said well if we all paid the same amoun it’d be [200 less] .  theyre using me and dont care and i hate being here and it’s making me really want to die. thank you, it kinda felt good to let that out

[lesbiansastiel]

i asked my gf who’s never watched spn to tell me what these pictures of spn characters make them think:

he has very bad promo pictures

ofc its sam! .. is that sam?

your favourite, theres at least 8000 lgbt headcanons for him

he definitely peels apples before eating them

no idea

he looks like hes in a cereal commercial

propably plays fortnite???

oh my god what the fuck

his parents needed money so he was forced to do promo pics for a school and if u uncrop this picture hes holding a backpack and a book that says like. ABC

haircut is making me think thats young sam but im not sure

me: that is young sam

ok cool!

thats a homophobe. i know a homophobe when i see one

me: the actor is

i know that thats dean, leather jacket looks smelly

i dont like or trust him bc his voice is too low, no offense

but he was funny in that episode when they thought they were... when they were the actors, i like that they shamed the actors (jensen ankles?) trailer

i always assume hes dead, every time i see him im like oh fuck hes not dead yet????

he looks like he dies first in a zombie game protecting the protagonists daughter

opens beer cans with knives (stabbing them from above)

has touristy fridge magnets

hillbilly neighbour that just stuck around

later: OH HIS NAME IS bobby

um........ lost journalist from a chick-flick

looks too enthusiastic to be in this show

name starts w an R and dies dramatically and causes trauma for multiple people?

me: its charlie

oh....

me: do you know who that is?

shes the one that causes angst in ur fanfic? someone’s ex? writes paranormal articles- like someone who works in a pokemon centre and takes care of the reporting to the media i know this is not true but that’s how it should be based on characted design

why.. what is that shirt

she looks like she’s from twin peaks but like a weird 90s techno nostalgia version

probably not real, but someones hallucination, like a little sister that someone lost and then hallucinates coming back?????

me: that’s jess.. from my fic

oh no im so sorry, i thought that the previous one was that one

then thats like a college person who sam did like drugs and beer with and they were happy and then she died.. tragic :(

umm öööööö, uhhhh

kinda looks like a serial killer, like a bad one who hasnt killed anyone in years so his face is tired. he wants flesh

um,i say um to everyone im so sorry

he has a conflicted expression

i think he’s sassy or just tired of everyone

no idea who that is.. i just feel sorry for this character idk why

*laughs*

a 12-year-old who got a toy gun for christmas bc hes american

hes gay probably and pretending to like guns so his dad doesnt get disappointed

for real, in this show, a young new hunter and messes up and then does one heroic thing and dies immediately after?

this looks like the perfect love interest who dies dramatically and is relationship with an important man character whose controlling when she wants to be independent and doesnt want to hide in a basement like the man wants her to

me: ??????????????????

she also looks like a cop like every woman in this show somehow but her character design is too soft to be a tv cop woman lady

2009 hair

probably a cop?

is styled in a way that always looks way too make-uppy and probably wears heels to work bc this is a bad character design show

me: shes not a human i can say that much

then shes a demon bc thats what all the women are in this show, theyre all demons

i hope shes not evil, this might be trap she looks friendly but that isnt the truth

this looks like a slightly messy and like, bohemic twin of the reporter that works in a pokemon centre

is probably rich

lots of anger that is not showcased in this picture

clenched fists

all in all, suspicious

probably supposed to be related since theyre in the same picture and different ages but they dont look related at all

they look like they’re from teen wolf

and probably would star in a scene where they see that someone has key’ed their car and theyre like fuuuuck

i think this character is supposed to be a cool friend woman whose not supposed to be super feminine and love-interesty bc shes wearing plaid and drinkin beer but they Failed

probably a werewolf

also is she wearing nothing under that plaid what is this...

me: oh fuck why is this picture so HQ compared to the rest...

it’s bc he’s an angel

obscene amount of powers that seem useless bc if he actually had Power they wouldnt need this show and he could just figure everything out

i know that people wear those annoying pins that say theyre waiting for an angel in trench coat. but i dont think he’s ever going to come :(

i think his name is castiel and mishaapocalypse happened w his face

and i saw his face taped to a mcdonald door in a small town in finland

yet another teen wolf character

looks like a suspicious teenager who lives in a town where they (the brothers) stop to get gas and he’s hanging out at the gas station

hes like heyyy youre not like other people here are you perhaps... hunters bc my mom died and now my house is haunted

daddy issues

me: correct

um. another beer lady. probably, people have decided, a lesbian

looks like a stock photo of someone eating salad at a rural setting after a hard day at work milking cows

also somehow looks like works in a lab

is related to the weird open-flannel-no-t-shirt woman (the beer one), probably her mom

thats all

um. major demon

probably has a scene where she tries to kill someone with a knife seductively

hated in the fandom and in fanfic someone who tries to steal deans man (which is stupid bc deans a homophobe anywaY)

also looks like fantasy show self-insert but evil

me: i think that’s a teenager

welcome to my twisted mind

im sorry...

happy

which is making me think that he probably dies, sadly.

probably takes care of an older family member

has some demon problems

that’s all

post-apocalyptic show character where theyre trying to have something else than 40yo white hilbilly men bc thats not media sexy

i hope that she doesnt die but probably does bc shes not a major character

me: can i reveal something i know

yes please

me: her and the blonde that you called demon had a thing canonically

cool!!!!

probably lives in a ranch that has no electricity due to demon problems

me: :D

and still does her hair somehow

uuummmm this looks like someone’s weird flashback version that is supposed to look like a teenager but actually looks older

me: uhh this is a bad picture let me find a bettter one

me: there we go

looks like this character needs a cowboy hat

probably writes dean’s name in her diary??

COMPHET

thats all

[rydertm]

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐫𝐲𝐝𝐞𝐫.

( wolfgang novogratz, cis male ) hey ! have you seen RYDER MONROE around ? HE works as a RENTALS TECHNICIAN at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 22 years old & they’ve been working here for A FEW WEEKS. they tend to be CAREFREE & FUN-LOVING, but can also be IRRESPONSIBLE & EVASIVE. the other employees have labeled them THE PETER PAN. thanks a lot ! ( mismatched socks and old beat up converse, a mischievous dimpled smile, soft guitar strums at 3am, illegible scribbles in a worn out notebook, rowdy cheers heard overtop of loud party music ).

ya, idk man. i have no self-control & this is a long, rambley mess. soooo hERE is aylie’s older twin brother ( by five minutes ), ryder. gimme a like ig, but imma be hitting everyone up to plot anyways cuz i luv u all.

name : ryder austin monroe if u kno, u kno age : twenty-two gender : cis male sexuality : heterosexual hometown : london, england job : rentals technician ( subject to change )

born to a famous retired musician from london and a colorado native, ryder is the older twin of aylie ( by five minutes and he’ll never let her forget it ). they share an older brother, cole, making him the middle child.

middle child syndrome was very much so the case with ryder. between his siblings, he was always the troublemaker and it’s been this way since they were young. he could always be found up to no good ━ anything from hanging off the curtains to trying to ship himself off to egypt in a cardboard box. 

his dad got him into music to teach him how to focus and as a means to keep him busy. ryder took to it like fish to water, and showed some promising talent in writing and playing music. he wrote his first song when he was five and although it was pretty much just nonsense about cheerios, he somehow managed to recycle some of the lyrics into a proper song years later. 

as a kid, ryder was also put into different sports to channel all of his energy somewhere. football ( or soccer for the ‘muricans ) was the sport that he kept up with up until he finished school, and of course, snowboarding. he’s always been ridiculously competitive, especially with his siblings, and likes to tease aylie that he’s the superior snowboarder in the family. 

he had just been accepted to berklee college in the US when his mom got into a car accident and passed away. her death really shook his family to the core, yet ryder had played it off like he was completely unaffected by it, even cracking jokes at the funeral. 

that was just who ryder was. he never took anything seriously, even when he should, and life was just one big party. he always ran away at the first sign of a problem or responsibility, and that was exactly what he did after his mom’s funeral. he packed up what he could and left home that very night, only leaving his family a half-assed note on the back of the funeral program.

he spent the summer traveling on his own, working odd jobs and playing whatever gigs he could get. deferring his acceptance to berklee for a year, later turned into dropping out altogether when he decided to just focus on his music.

the whole music thing worked out for him after he put together a band while in amsterdam. they toured around different cities playing small gigs, and when he wasn’t touring, he was working with upcoming artists or traveling on his own. ryder was never in one place for long and his family never knew when he’d visit. 

it was only a couple years ago that he began visiting big bear again, mostly to visit his sister and to snowboard. though he also picked up the odd job of working at the rentals shack, where he spends most of his shift messing around on his guitar.

ryder’s always been the biggest little shit around. he could be pretty rowdy and immature sometimes, but it’s all in the name of fun. very much an act before you think type and has landed himself in some hot water because of it. with absolutely zero impulse control, he’s a bit of a fighter and a lover ( will fight you, but then buy you a beer after ), but he’s got a good heart and tries to be cool with everyone.

FUN FACTS.

his music is a bit of a cross between rex orange county and lauv. 

really bad with quotes. will quote ghandi even though 9.9/10 times, ghandi did not in fact say it.

obsessed with the fast and furious movies. frequently wishes he was brian o’connor. sometimes thinks he is brian o’connor. will absolutely be the first in line to watch the 24th movie and will also frequently quote the movies.

ironically enough, he’s a bad driver. like, really bad. took him nine tries to get his license. just picture cher horowitz’s driving tbh.

ryder’s instagram is private because of his ~* super famous celeb *~ dad, but he also lets just about anyone follow him so that... kind of defeats the purpose. he posts a lot of artsy ( in his opinion ) pics, but also random stuff like a zoomed in shot of grease on a pizza slice and cUtE candids, complete with quotes ( said by the wrong people ) as captions. #influencer 

always down for a good prank war. famously known for being the guy that broke in and stole the jonas brothers’ wardrobe change right before they had to get back on stage.

loves a good romance or rom-com movie. can probably quote from the classics. he just quotes a lot of shit i guess?? also a big taylor swift stan. he said fuck your gender norms, bro!

WANTED CONNECTIONS. some generic wcs cuz i’m boring IDK. obvy, i’m always open to brainstorming other ideas too!

BROT3  ━ trio of your dreams bish. every bro needs his bros. his partners in crime, ride or dies, BFFLs, bro-mates, whatever you wanna call it. can either encourage or discourage ryder’s ~*~brilliant~*~ ideas, but either way, they’re always along for the ride.  taken by leo takanashi & kieran rhodes

CHILDHOOD ( BEST ) FRIEND  ━ grew up together and they’re basically each other’s number one since day one. probably vacationed together in big bear and that was how they met.

MOM FRIEND  ━ because ryder is a dumb child and needs someone looking out for him, even if he only listens like 10% of the time. just a scary mama bear / boss bitch who he is maybe a lil scared of.  taken by divine burakgazi

CONFIDANT  ━  not saying ryder talks about his ~* feelings *~ often, but the odd chance that he does, it’s probably with y/m. they could just lend an ear, or be someone he turns to for advice too.  taken by callie macdermot

GOOD INFLUENCE  ━ the angel on ryder’s shoulder basically. the voice of reason who will talk him out of getting into dumb shenanigans where he’ll a) hurt himself, b) get into trouble, or c) all of the above.

BAD INFLUENCE  ━ and ofc, the devil on ryder’s shoulder. the person who encourages all of his bad ideas. probably even contributes a fair share of them. taken by callie macdermot

( EX ) FLING / FWB / HOOK-UP ━  someone ( or multiple someones ) ryder often hooked up with whenever he’s in big bear. maybe he genuinely liked her ( and she liked him back? ), but he’s just too emotionally immature and flighty to be a good boyfriend.

EX-GF  ━  dated for a few months before she dumped him because he was a crappy boyfriend. it could have ended on good, bad, awkward, whatever terms.  taken by ingrid kelly

SOFT SPOT  ━  maybe they dated, maybe they almost dated, maybe it was on/off. whatever the case, ryder  just can’t seem to shake y/m. he cares a lot for her ( possibly some strong lovey feelings were involved ) and will always be there for her no matter what. y/m could feel the same way, or just be leading him on. think peter kavinsky & gen sdlkgjdkg don’t come at me.  taken by divine burakgazi

FAVOURITE ANNOYANCE  ━  ryder loves to annoy y/m and get on their nerves just for the hell of it ( maybe he has a tiny crush ). will do just about anything to get a rise out of y/m and to rile them up.

ENEMIES / RIVALS  ━ for whatever reason, they just never clicked and/or rubbed each other the wrong way. every time they’re in the same room together, it’s big yikes and lots of tension.

[dcmhnallach]

demiboy — ever hear people say APOLLO AMORETTO looks a lot like NICK ROBINSON? I think THEY/HE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The GRAPHIC DESIGN major is a JUNIOR that is from LIVINGSTONE, VT. They can be ADROIT, but they can also be INDELICATE. I think APOLLO might be A TIER 2 SHEPHERD. They are living in KIERAN. ( snot goblin. 20. EST. she/they. )

ok so i lied and this is after midnight. sue me. his background is a lil inspired by logan from veronica mars so like, sue me 2x. dnjkfmgh but !! give this a LIKE so i can come MESSAGE U FOR PLOTS !!!

TRIGGER WARNING - DEATH, MURDER, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, GRIEF

a e s t h e t i c s

fingers across keyboards and piano keys, m&m’s scattered, vintage gaming consoles and tangled wires, worn vans and broken skateboards, banging of drums and splintering drumsticks, deep rhythms beating with your heart, the hum of a hefty computer and the buzz of a monitor, green text against black screens, unruly hair unkempt, flannels filling closets, bloody baseball bats, posters lining up and down walls, loud punk music shaking the walls, glares and whispers, the suffocation that comes with loneliness, pills rattling in their bottles, unmade beds.

general info !!

full name: apollo casimir amoretto

nickname(s): cas, polly, lover boy, 2000 (b/c of his screen names lmaoo)

b.o.d. - january 31st, aquarius boi

label(s): the escapist, the hellion, the insurgent, the netizen, etc. etc.

height: hitting 6′0″

hometown: livingstone, vt !

sexuality: bi bi bi bi bisexual

stats

pinterest

biography !!

cristian amoretto and camilla silvestri had a romance that could be described turbulent at best, and downright explosive at worst

cristian, a native italian actor whose career began before he could walk, and camilla, the daughter of two italian immigrants with big dreams in a small town, met on the set of a coffee shop. their love story began quickly, dating within only a few months of knowing each other and engaged before the year was up

camilla walked down the aisle 6 months pregnant with lil’ baby apollo, who was then born in livingstone, vermont, aka the town that camilla’s family had settled in

was raised primarily by his mother and grandparents! his father was often off shooting movies, leaving camilla to take on the role of stay-at-home mom despite her own dreams of making it big as an actress

apollo grew up as a huge momma’s boy – i mean, god, he just really loved this mother, y’know? his relationship with his father was much rockier because of his … lack of being around.

when his grandparents died around the age of eight, that’s when things got…worse. it felt as if camilla’s parents were the only barrier between camilla and cristian’s budding wrath.

it became more apparent that cristian was not meant for the family life, his anger quick and his fists quicker, stinging words and venomous glares. a control freak who couldn’t handle camilla being independent.

this wasn’t apparent to the neighbors, or much of the town in general, because the amorettos were such a prominent family up in their beach-side mini mansion – it was hard to imagine that their life was anything but exquisite and dreamlike.

this was, of course, up until camilla filed for divorce and a restraining order in the same day, face bruised and nearly unrecognizable. she, obviously, got custody of apollo.

at this point in time, apollo was fourteen and…pretty stoked for them to get away from his father. they holed up southside and life continued as normal. for the time being. gossip swarmed apollo at school surrounding the circumstance which was annoying, to say the least. it led to him becoming withdrawn from the other students, not getting the whole … gossip appeal.

in hindsight, they should’ve moved out of livingstone. death threats in the form of letters and the eerie feeling of eyes constantly being on them came to a halt on apollo’s graduation day: the day that his father also, coincidentally, murdered his mother.

for making me miss out on years of my son’s life, was cristian’s excuse as he was escorted from the bloody crime scene at their apartment and into the police car.

cristian was convicted and sent to prison almost a whole year after it occurred. apollo still has dreams about testifying in court against his father as a witness.

and then apollo became known not as the son of two celebrities, but the son of a murderer. total bummer !

could not tell you why he stayed in livingstone, but he did. almost dropped out of college a good few times ( he isn’t passionate about graphic design, it’s more of him wasting time than anything else ) and spends most of his time raiding on WoW or competitively playing overwatch :/

speaking of college ! apollo was kieran’s roommate and like ... a close friend of his. the death hit him pretty hard b/c of his past.

lives in kieran but lately has been switching between his dorm and his childhood home - it’s technically his dad’s but he hasn’t been to his mom’s apartment in years. the mansion has become run-down and pretty grody, a sore sight that pisses off the neighbors.

he does identify as demiboy but he cares abt his identity like ... so little ... 

personality !!

his main focuses are computers / video games, drums / his band, and like … skating … vaping … gamer things, y’know.

from a young age he’d always been very fascinated by video games, and being the Rich Boi ™ that he was, ended up with a whole lot of them to play, on a whole bunch of consoles.

but like … he’s a PC guy :/ he may have a super rare nintendo 64 or two but nothing can beat his dual-monitor set up with his hand-built computer !

he also got real into hacking, y’know, just small things like watching security cameras in different cities and occasionally changing his grades b/c like … who wouldn’t ? also … cheated in dark souls. fucking loser.

his favorite games to play are multiplayer games so !!

he joined a band in high school because he was angsty and young, and like, turned out to be really good on drums ?? they had like … some real big jimmy eat world / green day / say anything / old school fall out boy vibes. just a whole bunch of ‘fuck the government, fuck the authority, anarchy, rebellion, revolt revolt revolt’ angry rock music that got a buuunch of noise complaints during practice.

his role in the band is essentially the ~nerdy~ one, because he’s a gamer, but like he was also Edgy and Angry and wore all black like Constantly ( he still does who are we kidding )

probably paints his nails black and has a nose ring b/c gamers can be edgy too !!

huuuuuge junk food junkie. like … he will consume Everything and Anything unhealthy. has a huge sweet tooth, he can’t remember the last time he’s drank straight up water.

he’s pretty much a loner, minus his bandmates -- having a reputation like his really ... puts off others. wasn’t the friendliest person in high school either, which doesn’t help. kieran and him were kindred souls.

to be honest, he’s really selfish. thinks about himself first and foremost, considers it to be a method of surviving in a fuck-shit town with fuck-shit people. wouldn’t hesitate to toss people to the side if it were to ever come down to it. he’s not a faithful pal.

he’s ruthless, impulsive, does whatever he pleases because he assumes that everybody’s already got their opinion of him due to his father. hard to stop him when he’s on a rampage.

seething with rage on the inside. :/

uuhhh so he’s got this fucking…pomsky, right? her name is tulip. she was camilla’s before she passed away and like, what was apollo gonna do, huh ? put the dog in a shelter ? hell fucking nah. that’s his dog now. give that dog an emotional support animal certification and boom.

this isn’t like a Personality Trait but idk where to put it so ! apollo’s on antidepressants ( and other medications, but y’know. that’s just how it is ) b/c like … y’know … the whole dad-murdering-mom thing sort of fucked him up a lot ! they make him feel pretty blah and diminished his sex drive so like … hook ups aren’t really an option for him 99% of the time.

besides that he smokes a lot of weed b/c self medication.

he’s … sort of an asshole. like … he can be rude and he doesn’t have much of a filter and i don’t know if there’s any softness left to him ! he just really misses his mom and has a lot of wishes involving changing the past and he reacts badly to things because he’s so defensive and on edge constantly.

no but he’s just like. .. sad gamer boi … a man and his dog … who also carries like five knives on him.

like he’s not socially awkward or necessarily Bad with people .. he’s just bad with people :/ doesn’t try hard enough ! is a little too apathetic ! chaotic to true neutral

wanted connections !!

bandmates !! i’d envision that there’s four or five members including him. two electric guitar, one bass, one drums / keyboard ( that me -_- ) , anybody singing ... maybe a triangle player ! or a cowbell ! i dunno ! endless possibilities.

fans of the band mayb ?? try to seduce him so they can party w/ them after a show n apollo’s just like :/ nah ( or yah ! )

people he clashes with hardcore !! people who are one n the same.

uuhh ... big slut for enemies ! ppl he refuses to get along with or they’ve been on bad terms previously for whatever reason. :-)

alternately, people he’s trying really hard to get along with but it’s not working b/c he’s a shithead.

maybe an actual good, close friend or two !! y’know. so he’s not completely alone. 

people he’s fucked over previously by ditching them / being unreliable / messy / etc.

besides close friends, someone who’s soft towards him or vice versa. because as much as i love angst, i love the uwu too.

ex-flings, ex-fwbs, ex-hookups, etc. etc. ex-gfs/bfs. especially from high school.

people he’s known all his life ! childhood friends, childhood enemies, old rivals, etc.

people who like ... stayed away from him / distanced themselves after his dad’s arrest. :/

okay but like ... imagine, okay , some sort of high school romance where he used to sneak into their room / sneak them out, n then they’d like. go wild out. y’know like, parents Hate him.

ppl who end up on one of his benders / night time adventures / whatever chaotic shit w/ him.

a hook-up gone bad could b fun !

gaming pals. gaming enemies.

skater buds ! vaping buds ! stoner buds ! apollo owns like three juuls.

someone he’s good friends with ( maybe ?? potentially developing Feelings at the same time ) but apollo fucks up their friendship / possible Something because that’s just what he Does.

somebody who thought tht like ... his childhood home was just Abandoned and Empty so they started breaking in to like. get high or fuck or whatever and apollo just walks in one day like ... what are u doing.

someone who caught him dealing juul pods to middle schoolers and was like ... what are u doing. idiot.

idiot reckless buddy pals !! wreck shit together !! burn couches !! chaos !

literally i’ll take anything sdjnfkmgh

[likeabulletyoucanhurtme]

Another horror film... Fender Bender

I decide what to watch films from listicles and stupid articles posted from facebook. I decide to do reviews/re-action blogs/liveblog posts, not because of the film but just if I have time/effort to put in. The Wikipedia entry for this film make it sound like a modern day slasher film/tribute. I like those films, Halloween, Nightmare On Elm Street, Scream etc, so let's hope this is a worthy successor. Ominous repeated music, not quite the Halloween piano but building tension Woman pours a tiny glass of wine, pauses, and then fills up the glass. Nice. Why is she wearing her housecoat from the bedroom to the bathroom? You live alone there's no need to be shy...or was that just for the censors? Closing the door when getting into the bath. Even when we know we are alone (or at least we think we are) then we still need to close the bathroom door for privacy. Wonder why? Too many bubbles in this bath so for those looking for a quick peek you'll be disappointed She drys one hand to pick up her phone but uses both to type her text, surely this will still get her phone wet? Also her fingers look too wrinkled for her to have just sat down in the bath, but that's just continuity and was probably the 20th take or something The texts are from her "Fender bender friend", woo movie title is mentioned! Her keyboard makes typing sounds. Does anyone still have that? Do we not all just mute it and have our phones on constant silence? He told her to enjoy the bath. Definitely freaking out now. I guess this is gonna be more of a stalker than a whodunnit The bathroom door just creaked open. I get its to add to the tension but hes not on the direct other side of the door so that was what, wind? She goes downstairs (in her housecoat) and one of the windows is wide open. Now surely if you're a psycho killer sneaking into someones house, you'd shut the window after you to avoid detection. Or at least I would...or I will now... Now she's given up on her bath and pulled the plug. Poured half her wineglass down the sink but didn't rinse it so thats a waste of a good glass AND gonna leave a stain She got into bed and the dude was literally lying in her bed like how did she not realise someone was there before she got in? And what kind of plan is that, to lie in their bed? Now she's out and halfway down the stairs before he's even got out of the covers! Also, what kinda gimp mask is he wearing? She tries to get out of the window she closed earlier and gets caught halfway. No fight. No resistance. Just screaming. Poor show. Three stabs from his weird knife thing but not a lot of blood spray or gore. Guy just put his change slowly on the counter at the petrol station. Customers like that are dicks. Give it to him in his hands! Girl's facetiming her friend, crying in the car as her bf and random cheerleader slut are on a date. Fuck him! Dry your eyes girl, you can do better! Andy (cheating bf prick) sees Hilary (crying gf) in the car and runs over saying the cheerleader doesn't mean anything. Hope she heard that and they both leave you, asshole She stops and The Driver (as the credits called him) hits her and causes the accident. He's lucky that shes not been paying attention or she'd realise he's been following her all the way. A more observant victim and you'd be in trouble mister, not a good serial killer plan really He calls her a virgin cause its her first accident, like if I didn't know you were a killer I'd still think you're a creepy dude It's her mum's car and it has a DNCEMOM personalised licence plate, maybe the car deserved to be scratched! She got in the car to get her information and I wonder what would have happened if she'd just drove away then and there? I also wonder if he gives over the real information to his victims. I guess there's no reason why he should, but I bet he's so full of himself that it probably is his right name. Now she's driving away and facetiming with her obviously-gay-best-friend... now I'm sure if I was just in an accident I'd be driving extra carefully and not keep looking at the phone screen every two minutes! Back home and her mum says she almost called the police because she was missing. Bit of an over-reaction; when your licenced daughter and your car are both gone it's not rocket science. Hilary has dance trophies - ok so the licence plate is justified, that still doesnt make it right Her dad says shes not to leave the house for any reason over the next day while they go on a trip, guess she's limited with hiding places when the driver comes for her later. Ok so you're not going on the trip with them Hil's but still - YOU HAVE AN EMPTY! Get over your boyfriend with a tub of ben and jerrys and wine... maybe keep a knife handy too, k? The car insurance woman is called Davidson. That's not a name, that's a surname! Oh ok apparently she's friends with the car insurance people and it's Mrs Davidson. Why would you answer the phone with your last name tho, that's just confusing? And who's on chatty minor-life-details-sharing basis with their insurance providor? She notices the drivers car going round her house-nows the time to get a big knife and carry it with you everywhere you go! I wonder if the phone number she gave the providor actually works? And who would answer? Hilary take your shoes off before you lie on the bed! You're just getting the place dirty! Her bear is called Harry Manilow...I'm sure barry is very proud Hilary's bedroom still has glow in the dark stars on the walls. I like it. She gets a txt saying sorry about today and she thinks its her ex. Surely you'd have his number saved? And there'd be a message history? He's calling himself a "fender bender friend" again, like this is not how you meet people. Especially when you're at least 12 years older. You don't need to be creepy with people before you kill them mate Her phone makes the noise when she's typing too, omg why? He's mentioned her parents leaving in another car, like obvious warning sign, do you like your victims to be scared first before you attack? At least he can't hide in her bed cause Hilary's not left hers yet Also once he's killed them I hope he deletes their message history because itd be pretty easy to track him down if not. There's a package left on top of her mums car that she was driving. Nope. Fuck that. You can get it in the morning. Leave it alone Hilary! The package was a cake that said sorry - could be from him or the ex, not sure I'm guessing he sneaked in while she was getting the package but seriously if he's in her bed I'm gonna start calling him the bedspread killer and not fender bender. Nope he's not, thank god. Well, not yet at least. Nice slow artistic panning camera shot...of Harry Manilow. Now she's going for a shower. No free nudity shots though you pervs Back in her bedroom she sees her phones been moved, and the last photos on if were her in the shower...nows time for that big knife Hils Instead, she's went back to the bathroom just to see, as if she doesn't know what her own bathroom looks like in pictures There's muddy footprints outside the bathroom but not anywhere else in their clean whitetiled house Ok so not a knife but shes got dressed and now has a baseball bat - its a start :) She's shouting out who's there though, like he's gonna actually answer her... Ok now it's her obviously-gay-friend and unnamed-blonde-lesbian-vibe friends from earlier. They have pizza :) That doesnt answer for who took the shower pictures though... Obviously-gay-friend says he took a picture of himself on the toilet "for shits and giggles" yeah cause thats a normal thing to do... Obviously-gay-friend is confirmed as gay, ha! He wants dessert but they havent actually eaten anything. Like no time lapse or anything. Full slices of pizza sitting right there untouched. Not impressed dude Obviously-gay-friend trying to defend creepy older man txting Hilary saying maybe there's some decent people left in this world. Sorry to disappoint you but nope, he's genuinely creepy Unnamed-blonde-lesbian-vibe confirms they didn't take pictures of Hilary in the shower Andy's at the door, drunk and being a prick. But he has muddy boots so maybe it was him taking the shower pictures? Hilary stays firm, smashes a vase and threatens him - you go girl! Aim for the head next time! The driver catches Andy at his car and kills him with the knifey thing. Three blows, one obviously in the head but again a distinct lack of blood splatter :( Ah well he deserved it. And also was he gonna drive away drunk? Did he drive drunk getting there? Driver might've actually saved more lives by killing him Obviously-gay-friend says although he's a stalker and creepy its a shame to let the apology go to waste - yeah fuck him eat the cake! She gets a phonecall from Mrs Davidson at the insurance place - like its obviously really late at night now - what you doing? Go home! Ok so the information The Driver gave Hilary was from the woman he killed at the start, just changed the first name. And that person reported as dead yesterday so this is the very next day. He moves fast. There's a powercut and suddenly he's in the middle of their living room just standing there chilling with his bloody knife. He smashes Hilary's phone before chasing them - takes care of the pictures and creepy txts I suppose, but still there's a trail with the insurance company and with her service providor if the police were to look Both gay friends who ate the cake feel ill - obviously drugged. Hilary takes obviously-gay-friend down some stairs and the rest of their house looks like its still being built because reasons. unnamed-blonde-lesbian-vibe's hiding under Hilary's bed, the driver walks around the bed then lies down beside her until she notices like why does he like lying beside people? He couldve pulled her out by her feet and saved himself the hassle! Rachel. Blonde-lesbian-vibe is now named! He trips up and she almost hits him over the head. He's not an invincible killer-if she wasnt drugged he'd have been in trouble He stabs her and she goes through a window-increasing likelihood of a neighbour hearing that or hearing her scream in the driveway. Not a good plan. All you serial killers, keep your victims in the house if possible to avoid detection Now he has to go outside to finish her off - lot of avoidable hassle He drives the car over her-messy. And I don't get why she didn't roll out of the way. Obviously-gay-friend's real name is Erik, but I'll stick to obviously-gay-friend He seems to be taking his time to search through an empty room of plastic sheets and only two other doors. I don't know if hes trying to build the tension and freak them out or if he just cant see because of that mask He leaves via the other door somehow and Hilary starts talking and moving, like no - stay hidden until he actually leaves ffs! Theyre heading for the same exit The Driver took, seriously? The Driver stabs obviously-gay-friend and finally there's a whole lot of blood. Took them long enough! Blood from his neck has somehow got on the back of his hand and dried into the shirt - continuity people! Hilary goes outside and finds Andy hung from a railing/fence - not subtle at all! The Drivers now back in his car and chasing Hilary around slowly - because reasons Rachel's also been hung on a fence in a different area for reasons which will be unexplained. It's like he wants to get caught. Hilary looks like she's now decided to fight - you go girl; you'll probably win, he's easy Finally grabs the big knife I've been telling her about She stabs him and he drops his bladed thing - TOLD YOU IT'D BE EASY!! She pours petrol over him though, and tries to light a match, when shed be easier just to keep stabbing him Hits him with a crowbar AND KEEPS HITTING HIM WITH THE CROWBAR - YES! GO FOR IT! She hits him again while they're walking outside - maybe the whole creepy txts and drugged cakes are to scare the victim to make up for his own inadequacies as a killer Looks like he managed to cut her arm but there's no blood or show of pain so maybe he missed? She sits in his car and notices on the roof inside is licences of all the other girls he's killed. But how has he managed to get away with it for so long? He's sloppy, and messy, and not that good a fighter. She throws the cigarette lighter at him and sets him on fire - but really she was doing so much better with the crowbar tbh. Takes him a good while to remember to stop drop and roll - if he did that first she'd have been fucked - stupid plan, but stupider killer She's going to get a phone from his pocket when what she should really be doing is hitting him with that crowbar first to make sure he's dead Also - I thought he smashed her phone earlier... Hilary's went inside to her bedroom like what the hell girl, phone the police! Oh yeah, house phone died earlier with Mrs Davidson. But yeah mobiles not really working either She looks out and he's not lying outside where he should be. Told you - shouldve kept at it with the crowbar He's watching her and she just backs away saying no - where'd your fight go? You can take him! Nah shes just a scared mess now, shame. He cuts her knees and we have blood! More blood from her legs than from the first victim... He says her life's meaningless but her death will be legendary. Not really getting a motive here are we? He's getting changed in Hilary's bedroom - leaving a whole lot of trace DNA and evidence everywhere And now he's using her shower - I tell you how this guy gets away with anything is beyond me, All the dead kids are in their own cars in the driveway, while he drives off - now with the DNCEMOM licence plates on his car. They're still not acceptable. Ahh so the money he uses for petrol is what he's stolen from his victims. Still doesn't explain why he didn't just hand it to the guy, dick

[misterbitches]

@flootweed ​

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :) 

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess. 

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will. 

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has  a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore  uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it? 

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

 i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #407

“sugar pop, sugar pop, baby here i come, straight to #1″

Do you follow any special diet? (dairy free, vegetarian, gluten free etc.) No. What’s your favourite summer activity? Swimming is all I really enjoy about summer. Who was the first person to break your heart? It wasn't in a romantic sense obviously, but my dad. First band you obsessed about? I've only ever *truly* been obsessed with Ozzy Osbourne as a band, haha. First place someone took you on a date? I want to say a local skating rink. It was a group thing. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, if you include the closet door. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Quite a few. Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? Well, if you've seen the scene where Pyramid Head literally rips a woman's skin off like a sheet in Silent Hill... u kno. I genuinely do find him to be a terrifying monster though, all bias aside. Humanoid monsters with ambiguous faces unsettle me. I wouldn't want that knife swingin at me, either. Do you get grumpy when you’re hungry? Yuuuup, I sure can. Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I have done that maybe twice in my whole life. Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. If chocolate was an illegal drug - would you be a drug addict? Nah. I'd be able to survive if it was illegal, but it would suck. Are you proud of your parents? Yes in some areas, no in some others. There are things both have said and/or done that I can't say I'm proud of them for, but overall, I am. Do you say “soda” or “pop”? "Soda." Are you shy about singing in front of people? YUP. I just don't do it. If you could get backstage tickets to ANY concert - which would you pick? Ozzy. :') It'd be fantastic to tell him thank you for his music that has always brought me joy and comforted me, and also let him know for sure just how strong he is and that it is absolutely not overlooked to still be nailing out an album while fighting Parkinson's. I'd probably start blubbering like a baby while rambling at some point, haha. Which is better: orange or grape soda? Orange. I don't like grape soda. Do you sleep with a sleep mask? Well, you could sort of call it that, ha ha. I have to wear an APAP mask to subdue my sleep apnea that causes wild nightmares/terrors. Do you like techno music? It's actually grown on me the past few months. Have you ever been drunk? No, I've never quite reached that point. I've only been tipsy. Are you mad at your best friend right now? Nope, got no reason to be. Do you know anybody with a pet snake? Yes, including myself. Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? WATER. ABSOLUTELY WATER. I canNOOOOOOT do room temperature water anymore. It's gotta be pretty damn cold for me to drink it like it's nothin'. Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? No. Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? Mom likes to donate our old clothes and stuffed animals. Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? I was a little kid when this happened, so. I don't know if my parents did. Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? HA, I do. I love "Who's That Girl." When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Wow, probably years... I really, really want one now, ha ha. Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? Well, my sister's friend, anyway. I was just sitting on the computer in the living room and there they were on the couch just casually making out. Do you enjoy doing math? Fuuuuck no. Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? Oh, I know she does. There are things she's done that I know I have plenty of missing details from, but I don't ask because I know they're sensitive subjects. Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? No. Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? I usually just smile. Do you use scented soap in the shower? Yes. It smells like cinnamon rolls and it is HEAVENLY. Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No. Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? Ha, Sara. Yeah. Dark or light colored jeans? Dark, 100%. I never wore light jeans. Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? No sir. Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? That's an even bigger "no." Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? No. What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? Idk. Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? Thank fucking Christ I haven't. I am terrified of them. Have you ever colored your eyebrows? No. Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? Pain medicine, yes. Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? No. I'm not interested to, either. Have you ever gotten dressed with the windows open? I definitely don't believe so. Have you ever taken a shower outside? At the beach, yes. If you could call it a "shower." Have you ever been to a junkyard? No. Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? No. If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? Probably a current iPhone. Apple is such a rip-off, but damn is the camera good lmao. Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? This will be my first Halloween in this house, so I really don't know if trick-or-treaters happen here. Do you like huskies? Love 'em, but I could neeeever own one with all that fur. What do you smell like? I'm always self-conscious over if I smell like sweat because of my hyperhidrosis. I hope not. Do you take your dog for walks? I don't have a dog. I used to take Teddy when he was younger, though. He loved those, but I stopped when I noticed his arthritis kicking in. Have you ever went paintballing? No. Seems stupid to me, honestly... Like that shit seems painful, so like, why??? What kind of movies are you drawn to? Horror and fantasy, mostly. I don't watch movies often. How often do you update your Facebook status? Just about never because I either just have nothing to say or am afraid of saying something stupid. I only ever share posts or pictures that appeal to me. What type of pet would you like to have? A Brazilian Black tarantula. :( I will whine about that until the day I get one, ha ha. I would also really, really like a plains hognose and a woma python. What breakfast are you most likely to have? Cereal. When you're starting to feel sick, you: It depends on what kind of "sick," but odds are I'm heading for the medicine cabinet. What colors are you most drawn to? Pastel ones. :') Light and pretty. What deadly sin are you most likely to commit? Sloth. When you're away from home, what makes you feel at home? "Having my stuff with me, like my laptop." <<<< Same. Do you prefer to lounge in a hot tub or swim in a pool? Swim. How many books do you have out in the public areas of your house? None. Who makes a better burger, in your opinion? Sonic. @_@ What do you like best about the holidays? Seeing my niece and nephew so excited. You think your eyes convey: Boredom, probably. Besides screaming for ice cream, what else do you scream for? If a bug surprises me by being on me. Well, depending on the bug. Do you like fried chicken? Noooo, it is so gross to me. What do you think of belly button piercings? They are SO cute imo. I want one, but I think it would look hideous on me. Maybe if I was actually thinner. Not saying bigger people can't wear belly button piercings, I just don't think it would look good on me. Do you like plain Lays potato chips? They're my favorite! I especially like the ruffled kind. Is there a big screen television in your house? In the living room, yeah. Would you rather no heat in winter or no A.C in summer? No heat in the winter, EASILY. I can't handle no A/C when it's hot. At least if you're cold, you can bundle up with tons of blankets. Have you ever had braces? I did for a long time because we couldn't afford to take them off. Do you do your own laundry? No, honestly. Mom likes to just do it all together, so I let her do it. Which do you prefer: English, Irish, or Australian accents? Irish. Is there anything on your bedroom door? Yeah! I got a "Meerkat Lover St." sign for my door. :') What is the best vegetable? Broccoli. Guys in eyeliner: Hot or not? That shit is h o t. Have you ever seen your favorite band live? No. :( Do you drink water or soda more often? Ugh, soda. Did you collect Pokemon cards back in the day? I didn't deliberately, but only because I was awkward about asking for Pokemon stuff because I thought people thought I was weird for being a girl and being obsessed with it. I think I got one pack. I really, really wish I'd been less self-conscious about that passion. Pet turtle: yay or nay? I'm personally not interested. Did anyone famous come from your town/city/school? Yeah, but I'm not sharing who. Have you ever seen a celebrity on the street? No. Have you ever pretended to be sick? To avoid school sometimes, yes. Can you ice skate? Never tried, too scared to. The blades terrify me. Do you have your nose pierced? No, but I want to have it redone. Do you loooove Tim Burton movies? I sure do! What arcade games do you like to play? I haven't been to an arcade in forever... but I liked the racing ones. What's the most expensive gift you've ever gotten for someone else? I'm not sure. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom, or your dad? At this moment, probably my dad. We haven't hung out in a long time. What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her and tell her she'd better let me know if the person ever fucks up so I can kick some ass, ha ha. Are you easily confused? Very. I'm slow to understand things. Where was your MySpace/Facebook default taken? My bedroom. Can you whistle with your fingers in your mouth? No. I've never understood how that works. Do you like peanut butter? Love it.

[skateboardingyatagarasu]

1-100 Bitch!! Love ya

I know, 1: is there a boy/girl in your life?Yes and it’s @ankitsukai and I love her2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?The last person who really hurt me was my ex-boyfriend and I will never forgive him.3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”A cat? What else would it be??4: what’s something you really want right now?I want to see @ankitsukai5: are you afraid of falling in love?No way6: do you like the beach?Yes7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?No8: what’s the background on your cell?Secluded beach gif9: name the last four beds you were sat on?I don’t know what this means but the last for beds I’ve been on are my own, my dad’s to watch tv, my mom’s while she was trying to put wire on a picture frame, and the guest bed while @ankitsukai was here10: do you like your phone?Not as much as my first phone11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?No.12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?Technically, it was my mom’s13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?I’ll take both dogs but if I had to pick, I’ll take the Rottweiler14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?Did you know some emotional pain can be felt physically? They both can hurt pretty bad depending on the pain, though I guess I’d say physical because I once was in such pain I thought I was going to die15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?Zoo hands down16: are you tired?Not really17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?I’ve known them since like 4th grade18: are they a relative?Ha, no19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?Not a chance in hell20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?Talking to her right now21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?I’m pretty sure I have the right person and I would love to get married to her, I just want to be a little older and not 24 to get married22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?I would like to kiss her at all times23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?None24: is there a certain quote you live by? “Blood is sound, sounds are words, and words are power.”“The one who keeps his head in the fight is the one who emerges victorious.” (when in a fight, don’t let yourself get clouded by emotion, keep your mind clear and focus on what you’re doing)“Pah! It’s only as complicated as you choose to make it. Was the old woman happy? Unhappy? Who can say. One can never know for true. You simply make your best attempt and move on.” (you do your best to make yourself happy and continue on in life)“I don’t like you… And I want nothing to do you you! Besides, I have my companions. Of course, they’re weak, and they whine when I leave— It’s almost too much trouble… But they are my friends! I shall fight by their side. Now…and forever!” (my friends aren’t weak, but no one messes with them and I will be loyal to no end)25: what’s on your mind?Life in general26: do you have any tattoos?I don’t27: what is your favorite color?Red and Blue28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?When @ankitsukai comes up in the summer29: who are you texting?The last person I texted was my Aunte30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?I have kissed her on the couch many times31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?It’s hard to tell, its possible, if it did I can’t remember, but I get the feeling often32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?I have a few, yes33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?I know someone who has feelings for me34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?@ankitsukai does35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?Well if @ankitsukai was kissing someone else, I’d have to go beat that person up because she’s my significant other36: were you single on valentines day?No I wasn’t37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?Yes and we are dating38: what do your friends call you?Red, Weiss, Keith mostly39: has anyone upset you in the last week?My dad did40: have you ever cried over a text?Cried? No. Freaked out? Yes41: where’s your last bruise located?It was on my leg, I currently don’t have one42: what is it from?I don’t know43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?It’s been a while, so I don’t remember it that well44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?My mom45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?Yes, they are my boots.46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?I wear hats every time I go out unless I’m wearing a hoodie47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?Not a chance48: do you make supper for your family?No49: does your bedroom have a door?Yes50: top 3 web-pages?Like the sites I visit the most? That’d be tumblr, youtube, and rabb.it, unless you mean the ones Iike the most, which would be cafemovie.me, netflix, kissanime.ru51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?Yes, it is myself52: does anything on your body hurt?My stomach53: are goodbyes hard for you?Depends on the situation (i.e, going home from a friend, @ankitsukai going home, death) and who I’m saying goodbye to54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?Water55: how is your hair?Soft and clean56: what do you usually do first in the morning?Answer any messages I have57: do you think two people can last forever?Yea I think they can58: think back to january 2007, were you single?I was 14, so I either was just starting to get my first girlfriend or I was alone59: green or purple grapes?I like both60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?That’ll be whenever I see @ankitsukai and @shiromori-no-kirien in the summer, unless I see an internet friend before them somehow61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?I wish I was myself without stomach pain62: when will be the next time you text someone?Probably later today63: where will you be 5 hours from now?Hopefully sleeping in bed64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.It’s 5am right now, I don’t know what I’ll be doing in three hours, but I hope it’ll be sleeping65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?My significant other @ankitsukai66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?I can smile just by thinking about @ankitsukai. Though @chibiakari @naklin-jwoong @apola-chan @rosewaltz @cara-deer @dirkaeus @jinny-the-kisaragi @duskmateria @shiromori-no-kirien moon and Shannon can all make me smile as well67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?I’ll probably hug my Aunte and Uncle when I see them later68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?I haven’t slept yet69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Yes, but that’s life sometimes70: how many windows are open on your computer?By windows you mean like chrome and skype right? Then it’d be I guess five? Do the volume mixer and sticky note even count as windows? If not then three. Unless you mean like chrome tabs? Then it’s 3571: how many fingers do you have?I have ten72: what is your ringtone?You know the laser gun sound effect conversation from the first season of Voltron Legendary Defender? It’s that entire conversation73: how old will you be in 5 months?I will still be 2474: where is your mum right now?In her apartment75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?Because they left me76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?I haven’t77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?Most of them, three of them I had gotten just last summer78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?I’m not sure what year 7 is, is this like 6th or 7th grade? If so, then I didn’t like anyone79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?I don’t know an actual person named Mike but I do know Mike Wazowski80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?Yes I have and I like it very much81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?Liked is in romantically? Then it’s just @ankitsukai. Or liked as in platonic friendship? Then it’s all my friends who are the people I listed int he smile question82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?No83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?I hope so, I always want to talk to her84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?I’m not sure what this means, but please don’t drink and drive. Also I wouldn’t do that, I’m already with the best looking person.85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?Yes I would because I care about her health. Don’t do drugs, cara mia.86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?@ankitsukai having diner food here for the first time, also saw The Shape of Water and got embarrassed in the first moments of the movie and couldn’t look at the screen87: who was your last received call from?Spam number88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?No, I’m not a monster89: what is something you wish you had more of?More knowledge of space, and plants, just a lot of plants90: have you ever trusted someone too much?I have once. They’re not in my life anymore. I will never forgive them.91: do you sleep with your window open?Sometimes I do92: do you get along with girls?A few of my friends are girls and so is my significant other, so I’d say yes93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?No94: does sex mean love?Love is love and sex is sex. Sex isn’t love. After all people fuck all the time without emotion. Love is something that fills you up in your soul starting with the heart, at least that’s how I feel it.95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?That isn’t a problem at all. 96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?Nope97: did you sleep alone this week?Yea, I’ve been sleeping alone since @ankitsukai went home98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?I have many people that make me happy, check the list of people who make me smile99: do you believe in love at first sight?Some people might experience it100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?My dad’s friend Kristin while she was high and kinda drunk.

[littledonkeyburrito]

Another one. If you ever wanted to learn about me, now is the time.

Have you ever been in your kitchen naked? Often Do you have any idea how to make cotton candy? If I had the machine I’m sure I could figure it out Would you rather go a week without showering or brushing your teeth? Teeth. This time last year, what was your relationship status? Single When was the last time you went to the mall? Saturday

Do you like the smell of coconuts? Yes, especially after my sailing trip through the San Blas Islands. We drank so many coconuts that we had literally just picked up and smashed open on a rock. We also cut some open and added spiced rum which was always a good idea. Who else in your house is awake right now? There is nobody else in my apartment. If you were in school, would you rather write a paper or take a test? I did a lot better on exams. How many of the Harry Potter books have you read? All of them

When was the last time you checked your MySpace? oh wow I have no idea. I think I deleted my page when I was like .. 15? Look out your window. How many people do you see? 6. I live in the inner city so there’s always people around Where was the last place you bought a clothing item? Mango

Are you the youngest person living in your house? Well I’m the only one, so yes. How many piercings do you have? Just my ears Could you honestly say that you’re a virgin? I honestly cannot even close to say that What color is your front door? White Did you reject or accept your last friend request? Accept I think Have you been suspended this school year? I haven’t gone to school in a long time. I only got suspended once, in year 10. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Climbing things probably. I don’t remember Are you wearing any socks? No Can you play pool? I know how but I am super bad at it.

What’s the most relaxing thing you did today? I slept for a long ass time

Do you shop at the grocery store closest to your house? No. The closest big one is like a 10 minute walk and it’s right on the tourist strip so it’s expensive and full of tourists. I catch the metro to a cheaper one which actually involves less walking. Which one of your guy friends is the best looking? Idk let’s not go there

What does your car smell like? I don’t have a car anymore

Who could make you feel better right now? Probably any of my friends

Have you had an epiphany lately? I don’t think so What color shoes are you wearing? None

Which one of your friends is the most brutally honest? Hehe gotta be Maggie

Do you have anything to say to your ex bf/gf? Nope In what year will/did you turn 21? 2015

Who was the last person you gave a birthday present to? Gloria

Puedes hablar español bueno? No hablo bien, pero es suficiente para vivir

Which day of the week do you watch the most TV? Just netflix and any day

Which band do you have the most of on your iPod/music player? Probably Green Day because I never delete anything and I’ve been accumulating stuff since I was 16

What’s the closest pink object to you? I think the only pink thing in my apartment is a pair of bright pink chopsticks

Do you really weigh the weight on your driver’s license? Driver’s licences have weight on them? I don’t think mine does. It probably hasn’t changed much anyway

What’s your favorite non-carbonated, non-alcoholic beverage? Fresh orange juice, or cold milk tea

What’s the most epic thing you’ve done so far this month? One of several adventures in Panama at the start of the month. Ziplining approx 200m off the ground through the forest was pretty rad. Also fun was sneaking around and sleeping with my tour guide without anybody in the group finding out. And of course that crazy mexican restaurant in Panama City is fucking wild. Last week I did cocaine in my boss’s kitchen on a wednesday night so I guess you could call that epic too. It’s pretty a pretty interesting month actually.

Big Mac or Whopper? Big Mac

What’s your favorite vacation spot? So many good places. I think Panama City may have topped the ranks but other noteable places are Essaouira and the High Atlas Mountains in Morocco, Granada and Madrid in Spain, Cartagena in Colombia and Tolou Village in China.

What color underwear are you wearing? Purple. I don’t know why but almost all of my underwear are some shade of purple.

Have you ever slapped anybody? Yeah but jokingly

What are you listening to right now? General street noise

Where will you be in six hours? Still at home, probably still on the couch

What do you wish you had more time to do? I wish I’d had more time in Central America

Who was the last person to ride in your passenger’s seat? Fuck that’s thinking back a fair way. I haven’t had my car since January so I don’t remember

Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? Only Mum ever drove my car

Which one of your friends will be the most successful? I hope we all do alright How old will you be on your next birthday? 24. Shit I had to actually think about that and do maths in my head.

What store did you last shop at? Alcampo

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? No

Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now? Definitely not

Do you like someone? I guess so

Are you happier now or three months ago? Probably equal

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? I didn’t go back to that shitty job.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? idk probably never

Do you think you’ll be married in ten years? No idea

Does your ex still love/like you? Doubt it

Are you stubborn? At times

Do you tend to hold a grudge? No

Where were you at 9am this morning? In bed

How has the week been? Better now that I quit that job.

Did you go out or stay in last night? Stayed in.

Something you do a lot? Sleep

How many states have you lived in? I guess only one because the UK has counties and Spain has provinces

Can you commit to one person? Probably, never tried

Who was the last person to hold your hand? The boy in central america

Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in 10 years? I hope so

What do you miss most about your ex? His sweet sweet abs

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Yes.

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? He has a lot of scars

Something you really want right now? A job I actually enjoy

How long have you liked the person you like? uhh since I met him about a month ago I guess

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? Nobody saw that kiss but I think his friends probably saw us kiss earlier in the evening

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? Like a proper crush? Not since I was in australia I think

Are you happy with the way things are going? Eh, could be better but could be a lot worse. I do okay.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Probably not

What plans do you have for tomorrow? Just looking online for jobs and probably bingeing on netflix

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish hadn’t? A friendship ended but tbh I’m pretty indifferent about it. Hadn’t really known him that long and he was starting to get annoying anyway.

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? No

Do you and your last ex hate each other? Depends on definition of ex. I don’t hate anyone but they might hate me..?

When was the last time you were sick? I had a cold a couple of weeks ago

Are you one of those people who are always cold? My feet get cold easily.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? Nah, I spend it all on travel.

Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Ehhh I guess so

When was the last time you got a haircut? About 2 months ago

Did you sing at all today? Yeah

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? No.

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? Isn’t everyone faster on the computer? I’m still pretty quick on my phone though.

If you won a trip to a nude beach would you go or give the trip away? I’d go with a friend probably.

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? Skinny.

Honestly - can you say that looks don’t matter at ALL? No because there’s so many cute people in the world

Have you ever changed clothes in a public area (not a dressing room)? Yeah

How many months apart is your birthday from your best friends? About 6 months

Yes or no: Techno music? Nah.

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? My dad used to be a jeweller so I’m very desensitised to the idea of them.

Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? Yeah but not just a moustache. There’s always been other facial hair to go with it.

If you were famous do you think you could handle the popularity? Probably not

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a letter P? I don’t think so

Did you talk to one of your best friends today? What did you talk about? Yeah, about how I keep forgetting how dirty the lyrics to Despacito are and whenever I read them or actively listen to the song I’m shocked again.

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? Funny

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? Sometimes

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? No

How old is your oldest cousin? 24 but my brother is the oldest in the family of our generation

What if you saw your best friend holding hands with your ex? That would be confusing

Your last relationship, who dumped who? Mutual

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend/girlfriend? 14. Lasted like a month. Then no others until I was 20

Is your home town nice? It’s a beach town so tourists really like it but the only benefit it has for me is that my dad still lives there.

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? I’d wonder what he was doing in Spain, firstly. But honestly he’d probably just make it a hilarious experience.

When/where did your last hug take place? No idea

Do you consider yourself mature enough to make your own decisions? Well I’ve made plenty of life-changing decisions on my own, such as dropping out of uni, quitting my job, learning a new language, moving to a foreign country, travelling on my own, etc.

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? I don’t know much about my mum’s history although I’m not sure she had much before dad. I know a bit more about my dad’s history and actually I have his first wife on facebook because we went to see her (and her current partner) when we were travelling in the south of spain a few months ago.

You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? Well I don’t have any friends in this country, so...

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? Several

Do you think someone has feelings for you? Are these feelings returned? Honestly, I am unsure of how the central american guy feels about me. At first I thought we were just hooking up but after our last day together I got the feeling that he liked me more than that and then it made me all confused so now I don’t know how to feel about him.

What if the last person you texted were to ask you out? Last message I sent was to a small group chat consisting of me and two of my friends who are engaged to each other. So that would be weird

Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? If so, where? And why would you prefer to be there? I want to be travelling. It’s cool that I’m in spain but because I live here I never really get up to adventures. 

Can you remember what you dreamt about last night? Uhhh I think I dreamt that my little cousin was blind.

[reesebird]

New Post has been published on https://reesebird.com/2019/05/30/ive-been-trying-to-write-this-post-for-an-hour/

I've been trying to write this post for an hour.

I’ve been trying to sum up my family problems but there’s too much to write. Even when I try to keep it short I can’t. There’s just so much shit that it’s infuriating. Here’s some bullet points about shit that’s just completely pissing me off. It’s in no particular order than that of which it came into my brain. Enjoy.

​

* My sister is a narcissist that has adult tantrums to get what she wants * My sister has a huge victim complex and plays the victim to manipulate our parents * My mum believes her bs and has been rationalising her tantrums for over 10 years, always referring to some external factor that is “giving her a hard time at the moment”. * My dad would say nasty things about my mum in private and expect me to agree with him * My dad would put me down and pick on me, with my sister, using things I was sensitive about (I got picked on at school for being skinny as a kid and my dad and her picked on me for that too – HE GOT BULLIED FOR THAT TOO AS A KID) * My dad would compete with me in some of the weirdest ways, for example he bought me a nice gaming computer for christmas once, then bought himself one that was twice as powerful saying it’s for “work” lol. He was also a gamer tho * My dad saw me as an extension of his legacy, when he was a programmer he kept trying to force me to become one, then as an electrician he was telling me how he wants to “take over the family business” (btw he ended up going bankrupt cos he’s a horrible businessman lol) * My dad told my mum we were going through “hard times” and he didn’t have much money, could she please take out debt on her credit cards. She maxed her credit cards, he put money away in a separate account ,then left her * My sister has two personalities, one with her immediate family where she’s a complete bitch and we have to walk on eggshells around her, and if an outsider is around she will immediately flip to being a nice, bubbly girl who’s always laughing and smiling. Oh and btw comparing herself to me, to “subtly” (or she thinks) tell everyone how much better she is lol. I mean yeah she’s pretty talented and nobody denies that, she’s very artistic unlike myself, but I guess also insecure about it. * I have to walk on eggshells around my sister, put up with her constant bs and putting me down (when I broke the news I split up with a gf I was in love with, she immediately began to laugh at me, in front of my mum who said nothing btw, and put me down for it telling me I’ll die alone. Haha good one sis) * If I refuse to put up with this level of crap, my sister gets into a mood where she won’t talk to me and overreacts. She’s getting married btw, and I shouted at her, once, when she was being an irritating bitch, putting me down constantly, right after our grandmother died and I was a bit on edge, so she cut communication with me and uninvited me from her wedding. She’s the real victim here, folks, and she must play the part. * My mum will beg me to “just get along with my sister” (see: put up with her constant crap, and her attempts to find dirt to embarrass me in front of family members while simultaneously propping herself up as some sort of wonder-woman). The last time we “fell out” I refused and my mum starts crying, after years of this nonsense I tell her enough is enough but no, my mum and my sister are the victims and I’m a cold hearted bastard * My mum keeps saying some strange shit to me lately. I’ve never shared a lot with my mum, but she’s always tried to pry, however it’s going beyond that. Lately she asked how an “ex” ( a girl I dated for 1 month when I was 15) was doing. I said she ended up getting pregnant at like 17 and having a kid. My mum says “that could have been you”. I told her “wtf of course not”. “You never know, son. Imagine that was you”… huh? Really uncomfortable situation * My mum constantly complains about her dad. How he’s always outside doing random “jobs” that don’t need doing. How he’s not doing the “jobs” that do need doing. How he doesn’t do anything she asks him to do right there and then. How he’s only watching crap on TV. How now he’s not watching anything on TV anymore, just sitting there doing nothing. How he’s so malodramatic in pretending that his leg is hurting (a car fell onto his leg like 40 years ago, he had some surgery to reconstruct his knee but he’s always had pain and problems) or how he’s playing on his vertigo. How he keeps “hoarding” stuff like old wood (which he ends up using btw to re-use to build fences and so on) in a shed outside that she herself NEVER goes in. She’ll go in like once every 2 months then get mad that it’s messy and tell him to throw it out * I have to put up with an uncle who won’t have a normal conversation with me, only talk to me sarcastically, for the sake of my mum. When he comes over I don’t go to the living room to sit with everyone and hang out with him, but according to her I should, because the poor guy just doesn’t know what to say, and he’s just trying to bond with me or something * I have an aunty that I get along with but my mum despises. This aunty said one “mean” thing to my sister once about 8 years ago now and my mum is still mad about it. Being the reasonable person that she is, my mum let’s me maintain a relationship with her but constantly guilt trip me by telling me how mean she was to my sister one time and how she’s a bad person * My mum’s sister in law texts her a lot, usually random crap and my mum gets annoyed and proclaims how she has decided to ignore her messages and only reply every 3 hours or so. Eventually, she stops replying altogether, my aunty then stops texting her, and my mum gets mad that my aunty is “in a mood” and no longer texting. Typical Marie!!! She’s so hot and cold! * My grandad’s wife, my nan, her own mother, died recently. She was aged 77 and her and my grandad have been dating since around 14 years old. My grandad has been slipping into a depression and my mum just COMPLAINS how he cannot do that because she needs someone to walk the dog in the morning and he should “snap out of it” * My mum has such a victim complex that like my sister I’ve always been careful not to rebel or complain or even *gasp* disagree with her because she gets upset. At this point I just want to scream at her to stop being such a selfish bitch and support her dad who is clearly suffering after the love of his life passed away instead of telling me how pathetic he is. * My mum got a dog and my sister GOT MAD AT ME because I tried to teach it to sit on the first day. ISNT THAT WHAT YOURE MEANT TO DO? No, actually, I’m cruel and the dog is “too young for that”, instead we should coddle it, let it bite us, let is become a misbehaving brat, and in about 6 months time we can begin to train it. This resulted in, you guessed it, my sister having a tantrum when my mum and everyone else agreed with me that yes you train your dog from the first day. In the end, she got her way, and now my mum has a dog she can’t control, that she constantly makes excuses for – just like she does for my sister’s tantrums LOL. If this wasn’t my damn life it would be funny. I’m sick of calling home and hearing about how my dog has been “behaving this week, but now we’re taking a backwards turn because he’s biting again”.

​

I’m studying abroad now and I only call home like every 2 weeks at this point. I don’t text my mum anymore on facebook. I’m sick of calling back and my mum isn’t interested about my life at all, only wants to complain about her stupid shitty problems and her dad. She also likes to update me on my sister’s life and pretend like we still get along. She doesn’t even acknowledge the fact we don’t, most of the time. I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. I’m done.

[wern]

can’t do a read more cause im on my phone but uhhh

tw discussion of family, sexual abuse, racism/fetishization, ummm i think that’s mostly it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

i dont have the energy to go into a long rant ((EDIT: well..... this clearly turned out longer than expected)) cause i had three different heart-to-hearts tonight but. turns out my step dad (the one who sexually abused me? yes the very same one) has watched every single lecture that jordan peterson, the far right anti-sjw psychology professor at university of toronto, has posted online. he wanted to talk to me about them, and asked what it was like to be in one of his lectures. i want to fucking die

the other heart to heart was with my step-sisters (my biological dad’s step-kids) about all the narcissistic and offensive shit my biological dad does. i told them that he doesnt talk about himself nonstop because he actually loves himself, but because he hates himself. in fact he doesnt love anybody. which is unfortunate for both me and their mother. it’s also why he verbally and emotionally abused me, and cheated on all his other girlfriends. me and my stepsisters also talked about how their mom is way more meek when he’s around and i was like yeah well i bet he encourages it because it fits his asian house wife fantasy… like you should see the fucked up porn in his browsing history… this convo lasted about 4 hours and we were all just sitting on the kitchen floor

and finally i had a 2 hour conversation in the car with my mom where we cried bc she said she regretted getting together with my stepdad cause she didnt realize he would be bad for me. she did it originally bc she wanted me to have a bigger family than just her after she divorced my dad, in case she died and i would be alone. ive decided to try to reconcile with my stepdad in the spirit of this. i just have to like. figure out how to ignore that he thinks sjws are a plague on humanity. and that he talks about nothing else. and that his daughter is starting to say homophobic shit. i love my little sister but like. anyway

tomorrow i plan to have lunch with my dad and subtly bring up the issues raised by my stepsisters. they’re worried about their mom and they want him to stop imitating asian accents. i have literally told him over two dozen times to stop, in every way imaginable, but he continues. he thinks im being a sensitive sjw because he doesn’t believe me when i say that they’ve asked me to keep telling him. i dont know how else i can get it across to him???? he actually thinks he’s so progressive though, and i think that’s the problem. also my sisters’ boyfriends hate him but there isn’t much i can do about that now. and he’s always embarrassing himself at the filipino community gatherings because he like… thinks he’s one of them? hes oblivious, and is constantly an intruder.

also my step sisters literally clean up after his every mess like he’s an infant. they pick up his garbage as soon as he gets up and he gets angry at them for cleaning his shit off the table. he called home yesterday and made them print off hundreds of little stickers for his election while he was away at work cause he printed off the wrong ones. like these girls aren’t your servants!! and then he asked to borrow their mom’s car, and when they asked if he would drive them to work on his way to his campaign, he complained to me in the angriest, pissiest of voices that everyone was making demands on him. like………. i want him to just fucking……….

anyway this all sounds like a bad night but ive gotten even closer with my sisters (we decided even if our parents break up we’re gonna stay friends) and sorted some stuff out with my mom, who is the most important person in the world to me. i mean im extra pissed tonight that she got together with my step dad after he sexually abused me but what can you do.

this probably sounds really robotic and weird i just? lots of stuff has happened tonight and i needed to get it out.

likes are always really appreciated if you read the whole thing!! ❤❤ i hope u have a good day and talk to people u love

oh ps. i also found out that the like twelve times i had a conversation with my dad this year while i was away at school, was actually my step sister and stepmom suggesting he contact me. he loves bragging about the fact that i go to university of toronto but he doesn’t want to talk to me. nbd in the grand scheme of things bc i don’t care if he calls me cause the only thing he talks about is himself but yeah. and also he lied to them that my mom cheated on him when actually he cheated on her (why would your new gf’s kids need to know this in the first place??). and he told them the reason i admire and still talk to his ex-gf was that she was so successful and i didnt have a successful female role model to look up to (apparently my mom doesnt count, and i can’t admire my other mother figures for their own fucking merits).

my dad also said my mom “probably cries just to hear the kind of world i get to live in… if she understands at all.” like uh considering she’s the parent i talk to daily? i think she gets it? and i was like “why would she cry?” and he was like “you’re living the life she wishes she could lead”…… like actually no im living the life YOU wish you could lead. she always just wanted a big happy family and you fucking ruined that for her haha. but NICE PROJECTING THERE BUDDY. not to mention the condescension. anyway that last bit happened like a month ago but im still mad lol

[skiasurveys]

Talk about...

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. - I cant remember that well since I was a little kid.. ( The lion king), um but I remember being so into it and I loved animals and it kind of started me wanting to draw. But i cant remember the first time i watched it. 

2: Talk about your first kiss.  We were really awkward, I liked him..but not enough, and so we went driving around, got starbucks, and then found this bench and we were talking/flirting, and then he just kissed me. But it was nasty asf, it was so gross. his spit was all over me, blehh. I hated it. I remember being like if this is kissing i do not want it. It wasnt tell i kissed another person that i was like Oh thats what its supposed to be like..

3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for. He is my current boyfriend. We met on Okcupid in 2015 right after i had finished high school. It was like September. its funny because i wasnt rly serious on that site but then I started to talk to him and we hit it off really well.. we dated for  a week then broke up LMAOOO. But then in April 2016 we started to talk again and in May we dated. so its been a year so far, and i am really in love with him. He and I click very well, he’s  7 years older than me. we play video games together but sometimes i watch him play by himself cus its fun that way too. He likes anime tho and i hate it lol. hes very funny and he can be super sweet and romantic and sometimes hes jusr a fkn nerd. idk what else to say before i start going on forever about it.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.  Meeting the dude who assaulted me. we were just friends and i had a bad feeling about him but i shoved it off. and then he attacked and assaulted me. I wish i went with that gut feeling. Thank god hes gone.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.  My best birthday was either my 18th or 19th. My 20th was boring. But my 18th I got a wii U and i got drunk too, and i had fun. but yeah, like idk the best prob was when i was a child and had lotsa friends and cake.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.  My 16th because my dad was dying.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.  My biggest insecurity is my body shape.weight. I just hate it because I feel fucking ugly and fat and I really am not, but idk i just want to be skinny and tiny.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of. I am proud that i graduated and got my license, since I was struggling to graduate which was like 2 years ago but i was going through a lot.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my eyes, and I do like that i have small hands and feet. ( its easy to find shoes). But I also like my legs and that I have a bigger butt. 

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.  theres been a few. But i think with my ex friend who just said she hated me and it was random asf, but she ghosted on me after and so it wasnt really a fight. another one i had was when i started to date my current BF and he wasnt being the best and I was like maybe i should drop him so i tried too and then we fought and then we actually were adults and explained the situation and we sorted it all out. since then we have been so good. like we know how eachother works. Lol fuck.

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had. I cant think of one.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. i had a nightmare where this creepy ass creature was crawling up my walls and turned its head all around and had lifeless eyes and creepy sharp jagged teeth, and it was just terrifying. but then my mom killed it.. wtf

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The first time i had sex I was super nervous. ( It was with my current bf), and we tried and then i started to cry because I was nervous and also from my trauma, and then he was like okay thats fine. Then later that night he asked if we wanted to try again so I said sure. and so we started to make out and then before i knew it was actually inside me and I was like wtf that wasnt bad, and it felt really good. It wasnt overly romantic like they make in movies but it was super good and he was slow and good with me. ever since then i crave dick every minute LMAOOO.

14: Talk about a vacation.  I went to disneyland with my mom the year i was graduating high school. It was so much fun, I felt so safe and happy . I cant really explain what i felt just felt like everything was gonna be OK and the rides were just so awesome and the food was great lol

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.  It was when I was starting to date Connor again and we were hanging out and I was like wow, my life is going perfect right now and I felt so happy.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to. I never go to parties but the one i went to was at my boyfriends friends house and I just started to drink rum n coke and it was really good and made lots of friends but there wasnt that many people there but i felt really happy.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.  I cant think of anyone lol

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.   i got bullied alot for stupid shit.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.  I was in foods class and I was with my friend Jenna, Brittney, Shae and Julia. There was orientation for the kids from elementary that night, and so we asked if we could stay extra and make the cookies and so we were allowed. Then Julia and Shae left to use the washroom. Jenna and I had finished up and were heading to our other class, and as we walked in there was a alarm for a lock down and we were like holy shit. There was somekid with a knife walking around. they calmed him down, but it was really creepy. But our friend brittney was by herself in the foods room and she was crying and i felt so bad omg rip brittney

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.  I had math class one afternoon and the class before me apparently this girl had a seizure. But i didnt know, so when we walked in the classroom I was like wtf why are the desks all pushed around and so i thought they did some activity, but it turns out this girl had a seizure, and my friend told me about it and how it was super traumatizing our teacher even got bit. it was really weird..

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.  He is my friend still but he really liked me and he asked me out and I had to tell him No and i said that i wasnt looking for a relationship but it was super awkward but hes cool.

22: Talk about your worst fear.  choking.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. I really liked this one guy and we went on a first date and then he asked if  i wanted to chill the next week and so i said sure. But then that day he had texted me and said he was busy and that i couldnt come over and so I was like Oh ok, cool. and then he told me to make sure i wasnt looking for anything serious, and then so i never saw him again after the first date. But he was really boring so thank god i didn’t. and its funny cus a few months after he had some gf and i think he is still with her cus i would see them at the mall all the time. but yeah im glad it didnt work out!

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. One night ( this is cheesy ) It was like 4 am and Connor was watching TV and I was scrolling through tumblr lookin at funny memes/posts and he just turned and looked at me and said “Jen, youre my best friend” and it just made my night. It was super sweet and i felt great. 

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.  ho ho ho okay, so we were friends since grade 9 summer/beg of grade 10. we were close asf, we liked the same shit, we thought the same. she was great. she was the first best friend i ever had rly. so a couple times through out our friendship she would kind of vanisha nd not talk but it was her depression and it was annoying asf. anyways.. after grade 12 grad  (this is like oct 2015), i tried to message her but it wouldnt let me! so i soon realized she blocked me on everything. i texted her thanks for that and then feb 2016 we became friends again, then may 2016 she ghosted on me but she finally sent message saying how she hated me etc and really too this day it hurts but i still dont know what actually fucking happened.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.  if im really sick  i just sleep and watch youtube videos. or ill have a bath.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.  i really love my boyfriends arms. theyre so big and strong. mmmm.

28: Talk about your fetishes.  i dont rly have a fetish tbh.

29: Talk about what turns you on.  i like when my bf dominates me, but not too hardcore. I like neck kissing, facial hair, deep voices, motivation. I like being tackled like play fighting and i like when he touches my thighs etc. mm

30: Talk about what turns you off.  being an asshole, racist/sexiest, if youre super smelly. if youre really tall and skinny.

31: Talk about what you think death is like.  i dont know. its probably weird asf.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.  i remember this place called Moonwalkers and it was this crazyass jungle gym we had and it was the best shit ever.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.  i draw, listen to music, have a bath..etc

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. getting hit by a car.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.  i wish i would stop comparing myself to every fucking person i see.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.  some anime. 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. i thought i loved wade, but i really was just liking the idea of someone. this was in high school. lol it was really weird and i didnt like it.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. it depeds on the song and the person. pink floyd reminds me ofmy ex friend. Anime/kpop songs remind me of Kyra and super lovely songs and omam remind me of connor

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.  not everyone you lose is a loss.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school and teenage years was really weird. i remember feeling so out of place and not sure what t do with myself.

[undesired-attention]

okay, i have a little bit before i want to go to bed so ig ill write about whats been going on

my dad found out i smoke weed, but he hasn’t tried talking to me about it or brought it up to me. he told my mom he knew because i ordered this pretty pipe to smoke from that is a crystal, but i had it accidentally shipped to my house and my dad found it in the mail. it was shipped from china so it had what it was on the package, but he still left it with my ipsy bag to get when i woke up the next day so idk. he’s found out i was doing stuff like that before, maybe not pot but cigarettes and would scream at me and stuff but he didn’t with this, and since he hasn’t yet i know he won’t at all (unless relevant in his eyes in a future fight, always possible). he basically told my mom to tell me not to get caught with it in my car, which i wont. 

these next two things are both things that happened yesterday so these are what sparked the slight urge/interest in wanting to type it all out,

so first i came back from lunch yesterday and my roommate was standing in our kitchen and said “you just missed the craziest shit” and i was like lol, okay what. she broke up with her boyfriend over the weekend and had sex with another boy (what a life, right? whatever tho) and he was in our room with her yesterday just hanging out because they are really good friends and are going on a group trip somewhere and were looking at plane tickets. so she heard the front door open and close then heard nothing, so she got up and opened her bedroom door and her ex was right there screaming at her to open her door and talk to him and she was holding the door closed screaming at him to leave and the boy in the room was helping, but apparently he had ACL surgery recently and couldn’t really help, so her ex eventually got in. he shoved my roommate into the closet, knocking her curtain down (we don’t have closet doors in our dorms here) on her face, then started screaming at the boy “you fucked my girlfriend” because he had hickeys on his neck from the previous night with her, and he just made up a lie that he had a gf and whatever. so they got into a fist fight, it moved out into our kitchen, then out into the dorm hall and my roommate was screaming and calling the police and the RA down the hall. 

so at this point her ex runs out of the building with my RA chasing him telling him to stop, 5 cops show up, and it was 12:30 and she had class at 1 so they only talked to her for a few seconds and then she had to leave for class then go to the police station after. (this is when i came back, there was no cops and she was literally walking out the door) well her ex was texting her saying “im on campus, im not telling you where i am, and im not leaving until you talk to me” so she had a bunch of bigger boys walk her to class, and basically her friends ended up seeing him just off campus at a wawa and chased him here into the police station (where she was at this point, after class) and she didn’t press charges and neither did the boy he fought, but the police banned him from campus. 

--okay next story 

also yesterday, i went to my clinical. i really wasn’t in the mood, i was tired. our prof. showed up 40 minutes late and said the boy in our group who was assigned to go to the children’s ER (special experience for our peds rotation) called in sick so one of us needed to go in his place, so i went because we don’t have to fill out any paperwork due the following week so that just made my life slightly easier at this point in time. so i got down there and talked to the charge nurse and she said they were getting an emergency trauma in ~5 minutes so just to hang around and watch (usually we are assigned a nurse, nothing exciting usually happens, just respiratory infections usually or accidents like broken bones and burns) so they got this 17 yo girl unconscious from a suspected suicide attempt and i got to watch in the room as like 20 people total were talking and running around getting stuff for her. it really was exciting, i got to watch them insert an IO (im assuming thats how you use the abbreviation) which is an IV they drill into the bone in the leg when they can’t get peripheral IVs in (happens in IV drug users, this girl was very dark skinned though and it was hard to see veins) so they draw her blood, get her on a vent, insert foley, several epi drips, several narcan attempts (antidote for heroin) and nothing was reeeeally helping, so the lab work came back and she had a blood sugar of 1400, which is AMAZING because that’s INSANE i’ve NEVER EVER EVER heard of blood sugar over 600-700 range from when i work in the ICU as an aide and i take blood sugars there, but this was basically BEYOND critically high. i didn’t even believe the nurses when they told the doctor in front of me, i thought they had to have been talking about a different value. her creatine was also SEVEN, for an ADULT female it should be under basically 1, she isn’t even an adult yet and it was 7x that.

basically, her Dx was diabetes, DKA to be specific. she didn’t have a known diagnosis of diabetes, so this wasn’t expected at all. the nurse told me this girl must have been sick for months and nobody really noticed. so because her creatine was 7 and BS 1400, her kidneys were basically destroyed. she will be on dialysis for the rest of her life because of this. another doctor came in to insert a dialysis catheter so they could start her STAT because that was the only way to lower her levels at that point and i was just like a lil mouse squeak “can i watch?” and he was like “yes please! that would be great, as a nurse you’ll assist in these and it will be really educational.” so i was like iight then, i had to basically scrub in and then he talked me through (along with a med student) how it all worked, it was really cool actually and there was a LOT of blood, which doesn’t bother me but i’ve just never in person experienced that before. it was pretty neat, the whole experience was not expected. at one point a nurse asked me”do you have any questions?” and i was like “oh god, not that i can think of,, i wasn’t even supposed to be here today!” so i got really lucky. i won’t be able to follow up with her, but hopefully she is okay and can recover. 

the last thing i wanted to mention that was shocking:

i was sitting at my window last thursday and it was a really really nice day so my window was left open (i open it to smoke cigarettes out of it, not allowed but i’m just a rebel whatever) and i heard a girl sobbing and screaming into her phone below my window and i looked down and there is a little table hidden in an area where you can’t really see it, the main lounge in my building protrudes from the rest and there is all picnic tables around it and it’s just a little corner where people go to smoke weed and stuff, so i just took a picture of her and sent it to my friends saying there was a girl screaming at her boyfriend on the phone crying below me. so about 5 minutes later i look back down because she’s still crying and she’s just clearly (from my angle, directly above her) cutting herself. she kept looking around to see if anyone could see, but she never looked up. i was SO SHOCKED at this point that i texted one of my friends who has gone through a lot of the same things as me (past history of self harm, to a pretty “bad” extent) and asked if she was in her room (my building) and she wasn’t, she was still in class so i told her what was going on and so she told me when she was leaving and a minute or so after she started walking back the girl got up and left. i just didn’t know what to do, i just know i’m the type of person that when i’m upset or even when i used to hurt myself and if i ever did again, i don’t like talking about it. if someone tried i’d just shut them down or walk away. but i didn’t know this girl at all, so i didn’t know if she was going to flip out, run, try to hurt herself/me so i didn’t go down. it all happened so fast so i didn’t call anyone else, and she hasn’t been back since.

it was just surprising and like blood-chilling to look down and see a girl hurting herself because i’ve never WATCHED someone else do it, i used to do it really bad, i have scars from my wrist to my armpit on my right arm (left handed aye), some on my left upper forearm, my thighs and stomach so i can really relate to self harm, but i just have a hard time relating to people because my friends in high school were just complete opposites of me, they were/are just such happy people overall and none of my close friends ever were depressed or self harmed so i just never really had anyone to relate. so i didn’t know what to do. 

okay, so that’s all of it. i feel really bad it’s so long, but it’s been about a weeks worth of stuff built up.