#i also think it was partially because my art wasn't all that great back then

[crayolacolor]

just thought of an interesting poll topic to propose.

reblog this one if you would!! would like for it to spread beyond my followers.

[utilitycaster]

@notstinglesstoo replied to your post “The thing is, and I haven't gotten a chance to...”:

I saw someone not long ago say cr has always felt like a product to them vs D20 feeling organic and I protected my peace but I did want to ask them if they were brain dead

​Oh man I wanted to address this at length because I feel this. My posts have been centered, again, specifically on published journalists picking Daggerheart aprt critically and applauding themselves for doing so despite it being within a couple of hours of its release and therefore any analysis is necessarily going to be based on at best, a skim, when they just as frequently will claim D20 seasons/Kollok are flawless works of genius based on only a partial read, but man D20's got a fandom problem too. (and all of the following comes with the caveat of "I really enjoy D20, and Dropout, and while we're at it WBN and NADDPod which both are half D20 Intrepid Heroes cast, and think Brennan is a particularly brilliant GM, and also it's obvious that the D20 and CR casts are on great terms, and wish the fandom for D20 were more welcoming and enjoyable because I feel it wasn't like this when I first started watching, as a CR fan, in late 2019 and has since curdled into something really weird and bad.")

The first point is the obvious one: technically speaking these are both products. These are performers doing an art form; it is also a portion of how they make their money with which they can buy goods and services. Believing that art is inauthentic when the artist gets paid and acknowledges that is a thing that happens is a fucking libertarian position at best. Like cool, you think only people who are independently wealthy by other means can make art, because it's not real labor, my kid could paint that, etc etc.

The second point is also pretty obvious. I have pushed back pretty hard on the "uwu CR is just watching friends! it's like we're in their living room" mentality among the fandom, which has decreased, thankfully, but like...it did in fact start organically as a private home game, and they decided, when invited, to make it A Show For An Audience. D20 was created on purpose as a show for an audience. This doesn't make it bad or fake - reread the previous paragraph - but in terms of "this is an group of people who really played D&D in this world together even before the cameras were rolling," Critical Role literally is that, and D20 is not.

I think beyond that...my biggest issues with the D20 fandom are first, the level of discourse is abominable. The tag is almost always just shrieking praise and the most surface-level readings possible. I keep bringing up the "Capitalism is the BBEG" mug but it genuinely sums up so much of how I feel; people who want their existing beliefs fed to them as surface-level no-nuance takes. I mean capitalism is fucking terrible but I do not need every work I watch to have a character turn to the camera and say "capitalism is bad" to enjoy myself, and indeed it makes it harder due to the lack of subtlety and grace. For all D20 fans complain about how unhealthily parasocial CR fans can be (and some can be), I find that a lot of the most unhealthily parasocial "how dare they BETRAY my TRUST by having a ship I don't like or not speaking up about every single societal ill" ex-CR fans move over to D20 and then pull the exact same shit; it simply doesn't get called out. Every time D20 fans are like "we don't want to become the CR fandom" it's like "your toxic positivity and unhealthy parasocial behavior exceeds the HEIGHT of what I've seen in CR; the main difference is that CR started in 2015 when D&D was still shaking off the raging bigot dudebros and so in the early days it acquired more of those fans, whereas by the time D20 came around the landscape of who played D&D and watched Actual Play had shifted wildly, and you need to judge September 2018 D20 fans in parallel to September 2018 CR fans, not September 2015 CR fans."

I also feel, and I alluded to this in the post about journalism, and other people have said this better than I have, but the pedestal people have put D20 on does feel like a single...not even misstep, but just, difficult choice that doesn't capitulate to the loudest fans will bring a good chunk of that fandom crashing to the ground. And that includes the journalists. For all the fans of CR can still be obsessed with the cast to an unhealthy degree? The cast and company have put up pretty strong boundaries and have not budged. D20 hasn't, and I think the second they do - and I think it will be for their benefit as a company and a channel - a big chunk of their most vitriolic CR-hating portion of the fandom will viciously turn on them.

[redgoldsparks]

September Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Who Was Her Own Work of Art? Frida Kahlo by Terry Blas and Ashanti Fortson A short but sweet glimpse into the period of Frida Kahlo's life when she was beginning to mount solo shows of her paintings in New York and Paris. I loved the bright colors, tender character designs, and the reconstructions of conversations she may have overheard at her gallery openings. In no way a complete biography, but instead a little window into the life of a passionate artist.

Electric Bones volume 1 by Hazel and Bell Lucian is the son of a minor nobleman and the CEO of the galaxy's biggest AI company, but he's not so rich that he can't get in trouble. After being fired as a programmer from Echo Station he joined a startup with a couple friends and is now fishing for funding at an elite tech expo on board an expensive and exclusive space vessel. There he sees someone he thinks he recognizes- Ezra, a grey robot, an fully sentient AI who worked on Echo Station as a researcher and partially cost Lucian his job. So why is Ezra now working on the space vessel as an escort? Unless it's not Ezra, but just a look-alike robot model? These questions drag Lucian into the beginnings of tangled web of intrigue which include kidnapping, AI-hacking, and murder. I've been reading this story online as a webcomic for years; you can still read all of volume one here: https://electricbonescomic.com/index.... But last year I also backed the kickstarter, and just sat down to re-read the whole story in print form, including a sexy little bonus comic. I love these characters, I love the rich colors, the lovely sense of flow and design of the pages. I can't wait for volume two! Re-read in September: Each time I read this volume I see more in... creepy little hints for the futrue!

The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown read by Edward Herrmann I picked this up after watching the film of the same name. It's a very well researched history of the University of Washington men's eight rowing team, a bunch of boys raised during the worst of the Great Depression, working their assess off to represent the US at the 1936 Olympics. The book follows Joe Rantz most closely, in huge part because he was one of the few members of the team still alive and available to interview when the author began the book. However, several of the others kept diaries or wrote letters which the author also had access to. There's a lot of background on the era, both the economic hardships of the Depression and Dust Bowl in the US, and also the way Joseph Goebbels planned the entire Berlin Olympics as a massive propaganda project to fool the West into thinking that Germany wasn't planning war. I thought the book was a little longer than it needed to be, but overall enjoyed it as a good audiobook to keep me company during work hours. As always, the truth of the story is even stranger and more dramatic than the version of this story that made it to film!

A Prayer for the Crown-Shy by Becky Chambers read by Emmett Grosland Dex, the traveling tea-monk who befriended a robot in the wilds, now brings their friend Mosscap back down to the human-inhabited parts of the world. Like the first book, this is a gentle story, told more in a series of linked vignettes than an over-arching plot. I enjoyed the exploration of whether essence of self is rooted in the body, and to what extent consciousness and personality transcend the body while still being undeniable linked. However, like the first book in this series, there just isn't quite enough plot to satisfy me. I read this because I've decided I'm a Becky Chambers completest, but I don't personally recommend this series as the best place to start with her work- I point readers instead towards the standalone To Be Taught If Fortunate.

Tove Jansson: Work and Love by Tuula Karjalainen translated by David McDuff A wonderful deep dive into the long, creative life of Tove Jansson, the Finnish-Swedish artist behind the Moomintrolls. Tove was also a painter, a cartoonist, involved in theater, sculpture, and a writer of several prose novels and short story collections. She was born during the period of WW1 and WW2 overshadowed her twenties and early thirties, but she spent those years drawing cutting political cartoons against fascism and violence, as well as developing her gallery career, setting up her first studio, and falling in and out of several impactful love affairs. She seems to have accepted her own queerness or bisexuality without much internal struggle and lived as openly as was possible as the time. She turned down several proposals of marriage but happily in mid-life met an artist who became her life-long partner and sometime inspiration and collaborator. The two of them built a little cabin on a very small and barren island in the Finnish archipelago and spent summers there for nearly thirty years- partly to avoid the fame Tove received because of the global love of the Moomins. This book was translated and I do think at times it wander a bit or retreads some material, but I loved how rich it was in color illustrations. Always a pleasure to read about an artist's path.

No Rules Tonight by Kim Hyun Sook and Ryan Estrada Set in South Korea in the early 1980s, this comic follows up Banned Book Club in which college student Hyun Sook discovered a friend group of students reading books deemed illegal and dangerous by the government. During South Korea's Fifth Republic, a military regime, students could be beaten or jailed for owning banned books. But even under an authoritarian government, college students are still college students: learning, growing, questioning their identities, looking for trouble, romance, and ways to subvert the rules. Set on a camping trip during winter break, this book follows a group of students, including Hyun Sook, with conflicting motivations and interests as they decide who to trust and who they want to become. A timely story about the power of art, literature, theater, and community to resist fascism. Despite the real danger, it's full of humor and deeply human moments. I had the chance to read this book ahead of its release- look for it on shelves in early October!

Tokyo These Days vol 1 by Taiyo Matsumoto Manga editor Shiozawa decides to quit his job after a magazine he founded folds. He plans to find some hobbies and start a new life. But manga won't let go of him so easily. Editor colleagues continue to ask him for help, especially with their more difficult artist clients. He has to pay last visits to artists he worked with in the past, which often turn into emotional conversations. He tries to sell his entire manga collection to a used bookstore, but at the last minute has a change of heart and keeps it. Then he decides he wants to work on one more story. But who to ask to write and draw it? This is an elegant, understated book about how deep the comics industry gets under your skin, and the very wide variety of people who fall for manga and can't let it go, even after it's broken their hearts.

Ash’s Cabin by Jen Wang High schooler Ash feels misunderstood by their family and the world, their need for quiet, their passion for the environment, and their developing identity all overlooked in the loud busyness of life. While the rest of the family plans a summer vacation to Disneyland, Ash plans their own escape: heading up into the hills of the family ranch near Mount Shasta to find the cabin where their late grandfather lived close to the land. This story is so elegantly told and elegantly drawn, with large amounts of white space on the pages balancing the delicate warm-toned watercolor panels. I've been a fan of Jen Wang's comics for over a decade and I'm so impressed how each one is so different from, but equally as rich and wonderful, as the last!

The Deep Dark by Molly Knox Ostertag This was exceptional. Mags, a recent high school graduate, lives a carefully controlled life. She cares for her aging grandmother, she works her restaurant shifts, she doesn't party, she doesn't let anyone get too close, even the girl she's sleeping with, who has a boyfriend. Also, she's feeding a dangerous secret, something fanged and strange that lives in the dark. Then Mags' careful routine is disrupted when a friend from childhood, Nessa, turns to the little town outside Joshua Tree where they both grew up. Nessa is being chased by a darkness of her own, and wants answers about a confusing childhood memory. The storytelling, the page layouts, the mixed use of color and black and white, all combined to build such delicious tension in this queer horror tale. Highly recommend!

The Pale Queen by Ethan M Aldridge A beautifully illustrated original queer fairy tale. Agatha, the daughter of a miner, dreams of a university education but it seems out of reach to a country girl. Then she encounters a pale magical woman from the forest, who tricks Agatha into owing her a favor. This turns into a series of tasks with increasingly dangerous consequences. I loved the watercolors, especially during scenes set at night. The story is aimed at fairly young readers, but still engaging for an adult.

The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean read by Katie Erich Devon is a single mother on the run from an abusive family, living undocumented in England, a borderline alcoholic, searching from town to town for a contact who will lead her to the people who make the medicine her young son needs to be safe. Devon also isn't human; super strong, impervious to cold, she can see in the dark and the species she comes from eat books to survive. She has perfect recall of every text she's ever eaten but none of them help much in her current precarious state. Woven through this tense narrative is a second timeline of Devon's past. Raised as a precious and rare daughter of an old book eater family, she grew up in a manor house on the moors, treated like a princess- one whose marriage and reproductive choices were entirely controlled by the powerful men around her. When Devon rebelled, her first child was taken from her. But her second was born with a complicated and dangerous hunger, and a need to kill in order to survive. This is a dark story, a thriller with fantasy elements, with content warnings for violence, gore, rape, cannibalism, alcohol abuse and physical abuse. I found it a gripping listen on audio, and I enjoyed the narrator's northern English accent, well chosen for the setting of the story. But it's not a light read and at times Devon's depression and despair were hard to sit with. Take care that you are in the right space of mind to enjoy this story before you start it.

Out of Left Field by Jonah Newman This coming of age comic spans Jonah's four years of high school, including crushes, dates, a first sexual experience, and that teen classic, joining a sports team to impress a boy and gain popularity. Jonah is a nerdy, closeted gay freshman with few friends when he joins the team. On the team he gains confidence and a spot in the school cafeteria- but he also fails to stand up to his teammates when they make increasingly sexist and homophobic things about other students. I enjoyed the complexity of Jonah's relationship with a female best friend, and with a boy he wants to date, but isn't comfortable being seen with in public. The book doesn't have a neat ending; the messy way some characters interactions end mirrors of confusion of teen years.

Life Lines by Jason Martin Bay Area Cartoonist Jason Martin collections stories from across his long memoir comics career in this, his second anthology. The stories relate friendships, experience touring with bands, working temp jobs, his life-long love of music, tabling at comic conventions, and the kind of mundane moments which crystalize into perfect gems when held and examined so tenderly. Martin's writing is compassionate and clear, and it holds a kind mirror up to a familiar world.

[ofliterarynature]

JUNE 2023 WRAP UP

loved liked okay no thanks (reread) bookclub*

An Unsuitable Heir | The Winter of the Witch | An Unnatural Vice | Bloom* | An Unseen Attraction | Masters in this Hall | (The Mislaid Magician) | Gilded Cage | The Age of Innocence | (The Grand Tour) | Any Old Diamonds | The Rat-Catcher’s Daughter | (Sorcery & Cecelia) | (The Goblin Emperor) | A Gentleman’s Position | The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street | Dust and Shadow | A Seditious Affair | A Fashionable Indulgence | Subtle Blood | Proper English | Range

Let’s just say I was feeling a bit unhinged this month…

I don't know what was up with my brain this month (it was stress, probably. ugh.), but it was comfort-reads-only central. Which spun out of control a little with the KJ Charles, but we'll get to that.

Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World started things off with a great non-fic pick. It spoke so deeply to me that it made me very angry at the world while also being very comforting. Would highly recommend.

Dust and Shadow is Sherlock Holmes solves Jack the Ripper, but hewing much closer to canon than say, that other one I fell in love with last year (The Angel of the Crows). I couldn't help comparing the two, and while it was interesting seeing each author's interpretations of the Ripper case, this one did not come out on top for me.

The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street is a sort-of sequel memoir to the author's collection of letters published as 84 Charing Cross Road that I read last month and loved. A little different but still a delight, and I've got another one of her related memoirs waiting for me on my desk right now.

The Goblin Emperor... what can I say, my brain needed comfort, I caught up on the AO3 tag, and thought why not. It was amazing to go back and see all the little bits of Maia I'd forgotten.

Sorcery & Cecelia I picked up partially as a consequence of my KJ Charles/historical romance rampage that fully put me off of the other audiobooks I already had checked out. I've been meaning to reread them for a while (it's probably been a decade) because I wanted to explore my mixed memories of the two sequels. And I don't blame younger me! The original book is a delight sort of in the vein of Diana Wynne Jones and The Enchanted Forest Chronicles, with adventures and almost a comedy of manners element to it. The much later sequels lose a lot of the whimsy and brightness, are much more serious and adult, and are much more explicitly mystery novels. Now I love a mystery novel, and I think if you distance them from the original book they're not too bad! The Grand Tour is the worst, I think, both because of the unexpected shift in style and because I don't think the epistolary format they chose works well (I really would have loved to see some letters they wrote to other people, imo, rather than diary entries). The Mislaid Magician brings things back around much closer to the original novel's format both literally and narratively, if not in style, and I liked it a great deal.

This next one goes out to Lauren, who will probably never read this but - I finally read The Age of Innocence! Not the copy you gave me, but I did it. It wasn't quite to my taste, but it absolutely fits with what I know of your other favorite things. Sorry this was like 8 years too late.

Bloom I've had on my shelf for years and it's totally my doing that we read it for book club - it was a nice read, I love the art style, but ultimately it was a bit forgettable. Maybe if it'd focused on resolving the non-romantic conflicts as well, idk.

It took me MUCH longer to get to Winter of the Witch than I had planned, but I did! It felt a little clunky trying to get all the ends tied up, but overall I liked it, I was very glad to get away from the politics of the second book. This was such a well written series, I definitely recommend it, but it also made me feel angry and anxious enough while reading it that I can't see myself ever revisting it. (I'll definitely keep an eye out for more of the author's work though).

AND NOW FOR THE KJ CHARLES!!!

I started off the month finishing up the Will Darling/English books, which, do not follow my example, you should absolutely read in chronological order (and pay attention to character names!). These were not books I fell immediately in love with, but exposure and persistence, not to mention some great side characters, won me over. I also cannot BELIEVE that KJ waited until the very very end to introduce the "proteges" concept, and it's the best thing I've ever heard I am emotionally devastated (and cackling, lmao).

I've mentioned elsewhere my accidental discovery (too late) that the next 3 series were related, but I did manage at least to start with the correct one. Society of Gentlemen was...okay. The first one might actually be the worst KJ Charles I've read so far, but the other two were definitely better, if not exactly to my taste. I like the mystery/action/adventure plots more, I suppose, rather than...politics? I think? and respectability is boring anyways.

I managed to accidentally skip over Sins of the Cities directly into the Lilywhite Boys, which is a pity, because they're much more closely related to each other than Society (which honestly you don't need to read beforehand). Even without the more detailed background from Sins, I LOVED the Lilywhite novels and novellas. Thieves and shady characters who are extremely competent, excellent lovers, a little violent, and with their own moral codes are catnip for me, I could not have resisted.

I then went back to Sins of the Cities, which were also good! The leads in the first book were sweet but a little bland, the love/hate thing going on the second book was fantastic, and I loved that the third book had a genderqueer/nb lead. I appreciated getting all the background to events hinted at in the Lilywhite books, but I also admit I spent less time focused on the murders and more on "ok but HOW does X become the Earl???????" I had so many theories lol, none of them right. I just wonder if these would have hit a little harder if I'd read them first.

As I write this in July, I'm still working my way through the rest of KJ's catalogue but I think the worst of my brain fever is over, and I'm hoping to soon have the mental capacity to read the new Victoria Goddard I've been ignoring for a couple of months. Wish me luck, and happy reading!

[rosehippiefield]

For the fandom ask game: 3, 13, and 15? (Yttd and/or ace attorney)

I'll do yttd first and then ace attorney

3. a character that fandom has helped you appreciate

It's certainly Midori. I didn't really get his appeal initially but several posts along with some YouTubers convinced me that his character is interesting. For me he's the mad sadistic scientist combined with childish desire to play, except he plays with people. Not in normal way but like with toys. I used to think he's not that intimidating or scary but looking back to how he made everyone sign the contract and how he influenced Shin Midori can be terrifying. The fanarts really capture his playful madness or his unhealthy obsession with Shin. Overall I feel like I have a better grasp on his personality though of course I still can be wrong about him

(I also really hated Shin at first but that's due to my peculiar style of experiencing yttd where at first I thought he was Midori and I didn't watch playthroughs fully so I actually had little idea what was going on in this game. It was fun being so wrong. But analysis of many people showed me that not only he wasn't with kidnappers, he had reasons I could get behind. So hatred was very short-lived)

13. your favorite type of fandom event (gift exchange, ship week, secret santa, prompt meme, etc)

I really love the draw it in your style events! Everyone makes their own spin on the original art so the little details here and there from different people are fun to notice. Everyone, absolutely everyone adds something interesting, something that makes their fanart unique, while capturing the initial idea. And I like your fanarts there too of course!

I also adore the whiteboards! They create a special, warm sense of unity where you can contribute too. And you can stay anonymous if you want to. I even drew Kanna and Nao once, though as I drew with touchpad of all things it was kinda difficult

15. the character that always makes you smile

Sometimes it's Kanna because she's so sweet and innocent and kind I just want her to be happy. And I kinda relate to her.

Also, maybe not always but quite often Shin can really brighten my mood. Not only do I relate to him in many ways, he became my inspiration to become better. Like I don't know if I sound melodramatic but one time I was thinking about his infamous zero and why he, the smart guy, had no chance to survive. I thought how he manifested his zero into life by believing in it while not believing in himself. I thought about how if he would have been more confident he could have avoided the mess he created at least partially. If only he loved himself more... Suddenly it occurred to me that it was exactly what *I* needed. To not bring myself down, to not overthink what I did wrong, to not compare myself with others. To respect myself for who I am. I imagined that Shin was saying to me "don't hate yourself" and "love yourself" and it hit me. This guy has been my comfort character ever since

The ace attorney ones:

3. It's probably von Karma and Sholmes. I don't really like irredeemable villains but once again he seems so entertaining. On the second rewatch I really appreciated his unapologetic evilness. The guy caused it all for the most petty reason imaginable. And he's perfect to the point where expects Phoenix to cross-examine the parrot. He also has been carrying a bullet in his shoulder for fifteen years. Really what a character. One certain channel (RPG gamer? I forgor how it's named) certainly helps with iconic "what can I say except you're guilty".

As for Sholmes, he didn't feel like original Sherlock Holmes with his enthusiasm but in the end he is your reliable ally that wants to help you. His that one dance is 20/10 and his relationship with Iris is super sweet. I didn't read a lot of fanfics but in the great ace detective his other side is explored, which helped me realise he makes such obvious mistakes due to raising a child, so he uses same method of teaching with Ryuno.

13. I'm not active in ace attorney fandom now but I loved the music competition on Reddit. People took their time to explain in details why they either disliked a soundtrack or defended it. The battle was intense as hell. Shame I don't remember the results

15. I absolutely love Edgeworth and his smug swag, his character arc fascinated me. At the time I thought that his character was literally perfect with balance of flaws and good qualities. Some may say he's too kind in AA2 but I love how he comforts Sebastian too much to care. Maybe there's some plot holes in Rise from the Ashes but still not terrible enough (or they are explainable even, I don't remember). For me he's the example of good writing and I enjoy his journey to the point where I like the first investigation game too

[licncourt]

Hi!!!! I have been reading your tvc metas, and they are wonderful and I want to thank you for it!

I have been struggling to read theses books, and it really help me, I love IWTV, Louis is my fav, the aspect and style of first book is astonishing, the entire loustat dynamic is fascinating. And as much I love Lestat too, I didn't like TVL, and it left me frustrated with myself and disappointed with the book. It took me weeks to read TVL, and even more months to finish QotD. For me IWTV could stand alone, the other books seem to be part of a completely different series.

Your metas have helped me deal with my frustrations with TVC, and thank you for that, because i love theses characters (some of them) and I want to know their stories, still sad due to the lack of Louis, and I will try to read all the books so that my information about it are not all second handed.

and most important, I love your blog, I love your art and your fanfics 🫶

That's so nice of you I'm so so glad!! It's so exciting when someone likes my metas and fics, I love to write them! It's especially cool if it's made the books more enjoyable!! Book Louis is my special little guy of all time and like a small weird mangey rabbit that I keep as a beloved pet even though he bites so I'm also very happy to hear that you loved IWTV!!

As pretentious as it sounds, I was disappointed that a lot of new fans coming from the show didn't really Get book Louis or make an effort to understand his character. He's....challenging (nasty and gross) but there's so much rich character building there and it makes me sad when people write him off as boring and one note. AMC Louis is a really great character and I enjoy him a lot, but I don't like sentiment that he's a "fix" for a bad character.

As for TVL, I really do love it (even though IWTV is my favorite), but I can see how the style change can be jarring. In a way, it almost IS a different series because the narrator and POV has changed so drastically. It's in the same universe, but a totally different take on it to match a contrasting personality. I think it comes across better on a second read too because you're more prepared for the switch and have more context.

I can understand being partial to one style or the other (plenty of people prefer TVL to IWTV which I understand for sure), but I hope that even if the book itself wasn't for you that you enjoyed the insight into Lestat’s character. The first two books combined make for such a fantastic relationship dynamic in top of great stand alone characters, even better than just IWTV on its own in my opinion because now we know so much about them both.

This might be somewhat controversial among VC fans (?) but I don't really care for QotD either, with the exception of the Devil's Minion chapter and the ending with Loustat. I think it really shows the flaws beginning to emerge in AR's writing, but it's SO much better than what comes after that it gets more praise than maybe it deserves. Then again, I'm extremely partial to character-driven stories, so maybe if you're a plot guy it's a matter of preference.

If you've read my metas I'm sure you know that I don't really recommend anyone read past QotD, but I also see it as kind of rite of passage if you really want to be in the real trenches of the book fandom. It's miserable and you won't be the same afterward but the curse of forbidden knowledge is kind of a unifying factor, the ties that bind. If you choose to proceed then I wish you best and hope you'll come back to commiserate later.

Either way, I'm really glad you got some value from my metas! I love some of these characters so much and I'm super happy they were validating for you as a reader and maybe enhanced the experience in other ways! I aim to provide only the best VC Sparknotes.

I always have more to talk about (in meta and in fic), so I hope you enjoy everything that's coming just as much!

[theogonies]

♡ BLIND DATE MATCHUP FOR @gendervapor14 ♡

THE DATE

you'll meet your blind date at a natural history museum! the classic art museum date is always a solid choice, but between your interest in zoology and your date's passion for history, i think this might give the two of you more to talk about. plus, it's a great opportunity to show off your personal style!

THE PAIRING

for your blind date, i've paired you with yamato!

ever heard of golden retriever boyfriends? yeah. yamato puts them all to shame. big, gentle, energetic, effortlessly funny, and so, so loyal. from the moment the two of you first meet, he's doing the absolute most to impress you and make you feel comfortable: bouncing between the exhibits, sharing every fun fact he can think of, all the while asking you questions about yourself.

he's very much a stream-of-consciousness, unfiltered kind of guy, easily flitting from topic to topic (what are your hobbies? what was your dream job as a kid? got a favorite animal?). he's just naturally energetic and curious that way, but if he senses it's overwhelming you, he's also got the self-awareness to tone it back a little.

honestly it's kind of easy to forget that you're on a date with him. not in a bad way! he's sweet and attentive from the very beginning--total potential boyfriend material. he's just sooo deeply guileless that he isn't really sure how to make the leap from "hanging out as friends" to "flirting." yamato's more than happy to carry the conversation, but if you decide to progress the relationship further at some point, you're probably the one who's gonna have to make the first move.

by the time you've made it through the museum and his energy's worn off a bit is when yamato's gentlemanly side comes out. it's not that he wasn't attentive before, but when his mind is more settled his eyes are ALL on you. definitely offers to walk you home and probably lets you borrow his coat/hoodie if you want. partially because it's the considerate thing to do and partially because he's almost 9' tall and there's definitely something gender affirming about seeing your partner drowning in your clothes.

THE PLAYLIST

i'm not gonna lie i was initially gonna put you with corazon, you two are canon in my mind. but since i feel like surprises are part of the fun i ended up changing things up. may have been biased since i'm always doing my best to spread my yamato agenda and u deserve the best, but i genuintely think you two would make a good pair hehe. and thank u for requesting!! xoxo

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

Character's Ankle Injury (lmk):

(Remember before we being this is all for fun and the haha sillies, okay? Good! Carry on!)

Howdy motherfuckers guess who spent a good while sitting on a call with her friend trying to figure out the medical condition of a fictional character: This gal!

So Tang from lmk: What's wrong with him? Medically that is, well I'm not certain cause like the show hasn't confirmed anything and I'm not a doctor, but I am very experienced in getting injured, so I decided that I want to try and figure out what's up with Tang's bad ankles.

So there is a lot that goes into this like I said so please hold on while I go through this, okay? 1) We know that there was a war at some point that both Sandy and Pigsy were in (comments and Sandy's flash back kinda confirm this and maybe they'll address it?) that for some reason Tang was NOT in 2) Tang has bad ankles specifically from a childhood injury that flares up 3) He specifically has scrawny ankles which has been mentioned by I think 2 separate characters?

So using this information I eventually came to the conclusion that I think Tang dislocated or partially dislocated his ankles and probably needed surgery to fix them.

A) This would explain why Pigsy and Sandy were in the war but Tang wasn't, he could have gotten out on disability and because he had a surgery (That's how it works in the US idk if it's different elsewhere)

B) If he had surgery it could also explain the flare ups, cause fun fact even if you get surgery to correct different problems with your limbs there are still lovely things such as arthritis (common with dislocations, yours truly would know) phantom pain and chronic pain isn't completely uncommon

C) This stuff flares up with activity and when does Tang complain: When he's been walking, hiking or doing whatever for long periods of time

And last but not least

D) Ankle dislocations are often caused by a structural differences in the ankle with those who have the differences having "Small ankles" how have Tangs ankles been described? Scrawny!

So yeah I put way to much effort into figuring that out, like seriously I went through online medical textbooks! Like yeah this is what I waste my time on, on trying to figure out fictional characters medical problems lol. Again I could have gotten things wrong since I'm not a doctor and have never dislocated my ankles specifically so I perfectly well could have gotten things wrong, I was just giving it a shot.

Also this opens itself up to some very silly or angsty scenarios depending on what you prefer! Like I think it's very cute that people will just casually scoop Tang up and carry him on their backs/shoulders, like it's so silly!

Anyway that's all from me! Back to dying and trying to get my hands to function! (I swear I'm working on art I've just got massive art block T-T) Hope y'all have a great day/night! Bye!

[elvesofnoldor]

it makes me sad whenever i see Lestat suggested that Louis was a greater love than Nicki, when Nicki was actually the the truest of his loves. VC literally never had one (1) single wholesome romances, it was literally never a love story, except! of course a romance that occured between two characters when they were still living human. But Nobody could see this because everybody was busy not understanding why Nicki and Lestat's relationship fell apart and why Nicki was mentally ill/depressed.

Honestly it's partially Anne Rice's fault, she made Nicki talked like in abstracts in his break-up scene with Lestat. He was all "your light" and "darkness in my heart" and shit, he spoke like a depressed tolkien character so how is anybody supposed to know what he's talking about. Plus, because Lestat never knew why Nicki was miserable in the first place, he couldn't make the readers understand either. But all the clues are there, it's not hard to piece together the whole picture.

Nicki was the son of a wealthy merchant, despite not being born of aristocrat blood, he lived a life in luxury and was afford the best education. Hell, his family was rich enough that with his allowances Nicki could afford lessons with Mozart. the best of best musicians of his time. Fucking Mozart. He was educated to become a lawyer, a respected member of bourgeois class. Now, Nicki's racial coding is very vague, but he had curly hair and dark skin, which made me wonder if he had Romanian heritage, but that doesn't have to be the case. Either way, to belong with the higher society of French European bourgeois was probably considered a great privilege for Nicki. But then he decided to pursue a career as a violinist and ran away with Lestat to Paris and threw all of that out of the window to live in poverty with Lestat. Now, consider how scandalous what all of that would have looked to his rich Parisian friends and his family, he eloped with his lover (another man) to pursue a doomed career in the arts, can you imagine what sort of vile insults were being said behind his back and into his face? Lestat mentioned that Nicki's friends actually visited Nicki once, and they never even bothered to speak to Lestat. Do you ever wonder why they visited Nicki in the shitty apartment he shared with Lestat? Is it simply social calls? now, life in poverty wasn't that big of a deal with Lestat, since his failure of an aristocrat family wasted most of their family wealth away and they mostly just lived in a shitty broken castle, all title no wealth. Lestat already experienced much hardship in life from a very young age, and doing lowly manual labours to survive isn't that big of a drop in quality of life for him. Of course Lestat loved the luxuries that Bourgeois enjoyed: the frock coat, the pretty jewelries, but frankly he enjoyed those things the way um, a poor gay kid from 1980s dressing up for balls enjoyed jewelries and designer clothes. He was never part of bourgeois class nor had he ever wanted to be part of it, not the way Nicki aspired to actually belong in that society or cared much for high society's rules. Nicki told Lestat once that he enjoyed "sin", at that point in their conversation, they were talking about arts and theatre, so yes im sure "sin" was partially about Lestat's love for low brow arts. However, it was also quite obvious that he was actually talking about their relationship. And yeah honestly it's just Nicki's internalized homophobia talking. I don't think Lestat agreed, probably cause his mom always told him it's not a bad thing to be different and to be "an outsider", but Nicki probably did not have parental figures or friends in his life who taught him to believe in these things.

Yet Nicki was still very much in love with Lestat, Lestat made him very happy. I know what he said in a heat of passion and despair afterwards, but Nicki did not come to Paris cause he harboured some sort of nefarious intentions. He simply believed that being in love with another man was inherently sinful and bad, because you know, internalized homophobia. Being in love with Lestat made him happy, so he believed that the happiness he felt must also be bad and sinful. Basically he felt that being happy is a symptom of moral corruption, he only deserved to be miserable and live in guilt at all times. When Lestat could not understand his pain, it made him feel even more alone and miserable. Yet despite all of that, when Lestat could not understand his perspective, he retracted to himself because he did not want to burden Lestat with his misery. Lestat was with him, and to Nicki, surely he could ignore his own pain a little longer, a little better because of it! Except that of course Lestat would leave him very soon. Lestat soon confided in him that someone was stalking him, and shortly after Lestat went missing and has gone AWOL for months! months! Lestat was told that Nicki was worried sick, and i think in fear and in paranoia and grief, Nicki started to suspect the very worst and most bizzare. Months and months of horrible grief only for Lestat to gift he and their friends a luxurious apartment and their theatre. Nicki felt abandoned, he felt insulted that Lestat thinks material wealth is more important to him than his company. Lestat was the only thing that made life bearable for Nicki, and it broke Nicki's heart that Lestat thought he could have a life without him. So when Lestat came back to him dead and wrong, all Nicki's love in his heart turned into hate, and he lashed out at Lestat. Lestat has made him feel so miserable and alone, so he intended to hurt Lestat back. In fact, at that point his grief and paranoia probably led him to convince himself that Lestat either never loved him or didn't love him anymore. Again, Nicki thought that one person who made life feel like worth living, that one person that gave his life any meaning at all, just didn't want him anymore.

Lestat spent 60 years in a painful relationship with Louis but he had so little self-love that he considered 60 years of pain better than 6 months of bliss. All because what? Nicki coped with being dead and the existential despair that it caused in a very diabolical and theatrical way and Louis coped with being dead by being a spiteful little bitch pretending to be more human than Lestat like it's a competition? idk man at least Nicki actually loved Lestat.

[glassedplanets]

template source!

jan | feb | mar | apr | may | jun | july | aug | sep | oct | nov | dec

this year i read a ton of art books, so i'll drop a big list + reflections under the cut:

i'll split these up into art books and instructional books, though there are a few that did a bit of both.

art books:

the art of heikala

the art of loish

beautiful scenes from a fantasy world

mysterious scenes from a parallel world

a sky longing for memories: the art of makoto shinkai

expedition sketchbook

windows to worlds: the art of devin elle kurtz

reverie: the art of sybilline meynet

the man who leapt through film

instructional books:

framed perspective vol. 1 & 2 by marcos mateu-mestre

master the art of speed painting

sketching from the imagination

sketching from the imagination: characters

sketching from the imagination: storytelling

beyond art fundamentals

figure drawing for artists

that's actually more than i thought, lmao. standouts for me were a sky longing for memories, windows to worlds, master the art of speed painting, and figure drawing for artists -- each of these offered some really valuable insight for me and helped me think about something in a different way. i got all these via library and at this point i'm worried that i've exhausted the catalogs of every library i have access to :/

i've only ever taken one art class in my life and it wasn't a really great experience, plus i'm not great at teaching myself things, so finally reaching for instructional books about art this year felt like a big leap and i'm glad that i took it. i also watched some of the drawclass VODs that are up on youtube and started looking for resources like studies and sketches from artists i like. idk, i guess it's kind of been about demystifying the process for me. there's a lot of stuff i've been doing the long way round for years and years or not doing at all because i didn't know that you were "allowed" to take a shortcut, or that it was even possible (eg. foliage brushes).

this year was pretty wobbly in terms of how happy i was with the art i made and how much of it i made, particularly bc Life Happened in august and just has not stopped, and i know that i felt really bad and unhappy with art for a big chunk of the year -- but now that i'm past that, i can see that i've improved a lot in a lot of the ways in which i've been wanting to improve. you know what's nuts? i only started actively drawing backgrounds for every piece last year. now i can't imagine not doing something for a background.

i think i also gnawed through a lot of... idk, shame? inadequacy? some yucky feeling i had about tagging my art for tumblr search. i think it's partially that we're all back on this hell site and i just don't care about showing my ass anymore. whatever. y'all either get to see my fucking anime Poasting or unfollow/mute/block/whatever, i don't really give a shit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the art goals i set for myself at the start of the year were to try making a short comic more than once, which i did! twice, actually, though i didn't post one of them. that's ok. i don't remember if this was a goal, but i submitted art to a digital zine this year too! i need to check if i can post it yet actually... lmao. and i joined a fandom event as an artist, which i'm really excited for. i haven't done a fandom event since 2013 and i've never done one as an artist.

my art goals for 2023 are to do thumbnails for most of the big pieces that i draw, and to draw people interacting physically with each other when i draw 2+ in one piece. that'll be tough since i honestly enjoy the subtlety of Two Guys Standing Next To Each Other but it's an area i want to improve in.

[starberry-cupcake]

I spent the past week re-reading a novel I started to write when I was 17 and abandoned a couple years after.

I had written it in notebooks because my first novel (that I wrote when I was 14) got lost in computer mess ups. I had decided to drop that one anyway because a friend at school made me feel insecure when she kind of mocked it for being self-insert-y/wish fulfillment-y. This would be something the fic world would also advice me strongly against.

Anyway, I knew where the second one was all along but I was afraid of re-visiting it ever since I abandoned it, like 14 years ago? not sure when exactly. I guess I was partially afraid of the cringe and partially afraid of finding that it wasn't that different from what I do now.

I think that many years studying in spaces that undervalued the kind of fantasy narrative I enjoyed and pushed me to fit more conventional boxes for what is published more successfully in my country had a bit on an effect on my perception of my younger self.

The editor side made me hyper aware of mistakes and issues, so I started to be more and more reticent to enjoy the process and even afraid to start them, if I judged them unworthy from the get-go.

The literary workshops that were always focused on contemporary fiction (no fantasy, sci fi or horror) intended me to fit more commercially viable molds where I live and "push me out of my confort zone" (words I was told many times in them) so much that I became afraid that going back to what I enjoyed would mean sacrificing "progress".

In the past few years, I noticed these things, been working on them and decided to finally sit down and write a sci fi fantasy project I've been marinating in my head for ages.

There's one thing from that second teen novel I had written that I wanted to keep, so I took the notebooks out from their box and read them.

Imagine my surprise upon finding out that I had written over 400 pages before abandoning it.

Contrary to my fears, reading it was a pretty great experience. It was a product of a teen me and all but I was so invested and I had so much fun writing it.

However, as cool as some concepts were and as wide a world I had built and character roster I had accomplished, I realized upon reading it back that is was very...impersonal.

It was drenched in things I liked and enjoyed in media, and it had some ideas of things I thought were interesting to work with, but I didn't see myself reflected in it. There was some stuff, there always is in art, but I think I had taken the criticisms on self-insertion so hard that I left out all of my experiences and perceptions of self.

I shoehorned in a lot of things and I can tell and remember how some of it was doing what I thought had to be done in a story like that. I had gone so far off the extreme of "no self-insertion" that I didn't see myself reflected in my own imagination.

The names sounded foreign, the spaces looked foreign (now there's thankfully more fantasy that isn't Euro-based or US-based but at that time it was rare), the bodies were unlike mine, the identities were different from what I experienced myself at that time and even now.

I know we all do this and I know it's not a bad thing to reproduce what you admire and like but, as cool as the story was for something I wrote in my teens; for the most part, it felt as if it could have come out of anywhere, not necessarily from me. If that makes any sense at all.

It was actually better than I remember it being and I can see in its progress an interesting development of me as a writer. I cherish the characters and story and will take that bit I remembered for something new. But I can't help but feel a bit sad.

Sad for the 14 year old I tried to tone down for being wish-fullfilment-y and self-insert-y, to the point of not seeing in her a story worth telling. And sad for the 17 year old because I spent all this time hiding her in a box and afraid of the cringe she might have created.

They were both cool fun imaginative girls and I'd like them to come with me in my new journey with this new project. They were "young and unafraid", but mostly unafraid, and that's something I admire from them.

[verytiredbeaver]

Because I'm bored and it's almost the Christmas season I thought I might rank the John Lewis Christmas adverts over the last few years. For anyone who doesn't know John Lewis is a pretty big department store in the UK and its kinda a Christmas tradition that they release these fairly elaborate Christmas adverts every year.

I know this is just capitalist pandering and I'm ultimately playing into systems which are destroying the world and meaning of holidays.... anyway.

The 2012 advert is pretty good, people really like this one apparently and while it's a nice simple message it's too vague for me. I don't really feel anything out of watching it and the song isn't that good imo. 5/10

2013 is a tough one, on the one hand the designs are wonderful and Lilly Allen is an icon. Looking at the behind the scenes I realised that this at least partially animated by stop motion bur I dunno, something about this one still just doesn't click for me. I do like the whole message of sticking together despite differences but as a whole it's not really my favourite 6/10

I love Monty the penguin so much but the song isn't that good and just feels a tad off hut otherwise pretty great. I felt this penguins need to feel togetherness with another on a very deep level but the thing with the toys at the end just kind of doesn't click for me. 5/10

FINALLY! The reason I have been obsessed with these adverts for almost a decade now. Instant classic, instant tears, song is perfect, message is good, overall vibe is cute. I go feral for the bit where the party sound cuts out and the old man is all alone and then it comes back when he gets the telescope. 2015 is flawless, genuinely imo 1000/10

2016 was a bad year for all of us, wasn't it. This included, I like foxes but the cgi isn't great and it's kinda just a repeat of 2014. I also feel it lacks any real critical message that all the other ones have had, I know this sounds idiotic but this one feels the most like an ad and only an ad. 4/10

I've actually never seen this one before I started this post.... there's a reason for that. The songs okay and I do actually like this kid and monster interacting but as a whole I think it has the opposite problem of 2016 where its trying to do a lot with very little. It feels forced and its not very good imo, also it loses points for kinda copping out in the end. 6/19

I gotta preface this by saying The Sun is bad and if you can find this video on a different YouTube channel please link below.

That aside, I love Elton John, he's a personal favourite of mine and I think in a time where arts programmes and the value of stuff like that gets diminished it is kinda of beautiful to visualise the impact nurturing musical talent can have on people. This feels like a very short version of Rocket man and it wouldn't shock me if they drew a little inspiration from this advert. It's not the most emotional and i think i take points off for kinda just doing Elton John whose basically guaranteed to please people but yeah, 8/10

This. This right here, one fucked up little guy, Edgar is my blorbo and I adore him. This is what 2017 wished it was. The little fantasy town is nice and the cover of the song is honestly pretty good. The general vibe is also good because it's a little sad and that's what I'm looking for tbh. 8/10

I honestly kinda of like the visual aesthetic of this one with the mixed media approach of stop motion, traditional imagination and papercraft. I like the message of this one a lot because I'm a suckered for the positive choices having wide ranging positive impact on the world. The one problem I have is the pacing is a little off and the time loop at the end feels kinda unnecessary 8/10

I have grown to like this one a bit more but u very vividly remember watching the 2021 advert and not liking it. I think it might be the alien, they don't look that alien and I'm not a huge fan of ET which this is a pretty blatant play on. While I do like the message of sharing culture and peace on earth and there's a few moments worth noting it's just kinda mid for me, the kiss at the end also kinda weirds me out but thats probably my own thoughts on this being a kind of ET homage clouding that. As I said I've softened on it but its still a 6/10

I dunno maybe this whole list is asinine and a wasteful glorification of capitalism and I should do something better with my evening

...

JUST WHEN I THINK IM OUT THEY PULL ME BACK IN. Boy howdy did I feel some things while watching this that I pressumed an advert could never stir within me. I really relate to the Taylor Swift lyric "I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try" and man does this hit the spot! Also I think this might he the most solidified message since 2015 because I think foster care and the general care system is so important in our society and its nice to use this platform to bring attention to a worthwhile cause. Bonus points I've included a link to the song in this one because it's sung by a semi creepy sad clown man, which is obviously a plus (I like to think he recorded the version in this advert in the full get up). Great, spot on, Christmas miracle (tm) 1001/10

[doberbutts]

Undertake already was going to be widely popular because it was a game that in its inception already had a gigantic fan base because many of the early fans followed Toby Fox from his work on Homestuck. Homestuck was HUGE, at one point one of the most popular if not THE most popular webcomic out there during its heyday. And while Fox didn't come up with Homestuck itself, he DID put forth a lot of effort into helping Hussie with it, and Hussie was also partially involved with the making of Undertale as the two of them at least *were* friends during that time.

Then you add that as OP said Undertale was 10 bucks and could be played on a toaster if necessary, so not only was there already a gigantic rabid fan base at launch but also this gigantic fanbase could play it regardless of the machine they had.

But wait! There's more! When undertale first released on Steam, it was marked as playable on Mac. It very wasn't. I bought it at launch and the damn thing wouldn't open. I was in art school playing on the school-supplied macbook pro. So I did the only thing I could think of without refunding and negatively impacting an indie creator, and emailed Fox directly based off the email on his website at the time. I asked him if he knew about the glitch preventing the game from opening and if he knew of a workaround. His response was more or less "I told Steam their UI broke it and they wouldn't listen to me, I knew this would happen, sorry about that here's a DRM-free version no problem".

He then announced to his fan base that the Mac version was broken and if anyone bought it not realizing that, to email him and he would do the same. To my knowledge he made good on it for every person who contacted him. He didn't ask me for a receipt. He didn't ask for proof of purchase or proof it wouldn't work. We didn't email back and forth troubleshooting. Simply "sorry, here you go" and a download link that, btw, still works last I checked tho I don't have a Mac anymore and can play it on steam easily with my gaming laptop I've purchased in the mean time.

And also. It was just a really good game, with great sound design, a fun game play loop, and an interesting story that gets more interesting the more you investigate it. Of course it's hugely popular. Fox grew up in the age of cult classics and went "I can do that" and then did it.

But also I think with all of these things going for it, plus the fact that Fox clearly knows how to take care of his fanbase, he would have had to have been *trying to bomb it* for it to fail. And to this day he still holds my respect for making things right immediately.

can i be so honest for a second. with the initial disclaimer of 'undertale is also just a really good game', i cant take anyone seriously who asks why undertale got more popular than like, any triple A game or game that requires a console/beefy computer. undertale was 10$ and could be played easily on my 6 year old apple laptop that used to emit sparks. it was accessible to the most powerful audiences: broke people and teenagers

[rozinaaa]

Story Of My Life

Source: Unknown

I know that the logical option in this scenario is to simply monetise my creative hobbies and turn those hobbies into a full on business (yay! capitalism!), but I've realised through experience that doing just that takes all of the fun out of those hobbies, and essentially turns it into a job and an obligation, which is basically the opposite of what a hobby is all about.

The moment I turned my love for creating illustrations (mainly for myself) into a shoddy little freelance business (which would have also had a product-based side to it as well, simply because that's what all of the other artists and illustrators did on Instagram), it took all of the fun out of creating illustrations, and this has resulted in me not even picking up my art supplies within the past two years, since I instantly know that I'd have to create a whole entire personal brand (yuck), and market the hell out of each illustration, as well as treating something that I would have otherwise enjoyed into something that I would eventually begin to dread (not to mention dealing with clients who basically tell you how to do your job every step of the way, until you get to a point where you just feel like telling the clients to do all of the work for themselves, since they like to think that being an illustrator is very easy), mainly due to all of the associations tied with the simple act of creating a little doodle on a bit of paper, and sometimes adding in more details if I fancied it.

Additionally, daring to become a freelance illustrator was probably one of the worst mistakes that I've ever done, since one of my favourite creative outlets quickly became a commodity that sucked all of the joy out of it, mainly due to other people's expectations of how my work should appear to them, even if I'm the one that's creating the work.

On top of that, I think attempting to make the curation front look fancy (with this being partially influenced by my previous job as a UI Designer, where basically everything had to look fancy and usable at the same time) and attempting to turn it into a business (paired with the great idea of adding categories, which also feels like a massive mistake, although it sounded like a really good idea in theory) has slowly made me view it as a chore (that other people now have their eyes on) rather than just a simple website (coded by hand, mainly with HTML and a little bit of CSS) that had links to other websites that I found interesting, and something that I just did in my spare time, especially when I came back after an intense 12 hour shift, and I knew that I could be left alone for about an hour after I'd clock out to just chill in my room and do my own thing.

I think all I need is the stability of a permanent full time job (with the certainty of getting paid at the end of the week/month), with the time to do my own thing, so that the two are mutually exclusive, and so that I don't have to turn any hobbies into a business, since I've realised that it's not what I want to do, despite all of the business, marketing, and advertising folk saying that it's the best thing that you can do.

Little do they know that once you begin to turn a hobby into something more than a hobby, it no longer feels fun, and sometimes, I need to do a little bit of fun every now and then.

I'd consider writing as another creative hobby of mine, but I don't dare to make this blog public, since others will inevitably read through it, and also because I treat this as a more private journal (since I kept a journal about 10 years ago, only to realise that other people would read through it when I wasn't there, which really annoyed me), where I can just write down everything that's on my mind, instead of worrying about random things such as views and likes, since I know that this will instantly suck me into random rabbit holes that will make me feel bad about myself and compare myself to others, which is what I don't like and what I don't want.

Anyway, here's to finding a permanent full time job (it can be literally anything, just as long as I have a stable source of income, since I can't really use my degree for anything practical or realistic, unless I want to live in London (or another expensive place) and be stuck living paycheck to paycheck), so that I can have the time to do my hobbies and projects without feeling the need to monetise it and turn it into a full on business, since I now know that doing just that will come with a lot of negative consequences.

[kisari]

ramblings on my personal feelings about my GG fave

i have such mixed feelings about testament's redesign. before i get too much into it. this is the internet so in case any rando sees this and doesnt know me: there is no wrong or right way to be nonbinary. there is no wrong or right way to present or feel yourself. i am against binary completely. i do not believe in transa/ndrophobia garbage.

i also wanna state i am a long time testament fangirlie. i love testament. i am happy testament was added. im happy they came out and said testament is x-gender/nb. testament in the old GG games partially helped me realize i was transmasc/nb. i think maybe thats why the redesign makes me feel a bit strange. first, a comparison.

Testament's general goth vibe and outfit basically never changed until Strive. I do think it's very interesting that from GG-->GGIsuka, Testament gained a six pack and yet also somehow became much skinnier and looks almost emaciated. Original GG Testament was very much a softer type build with no abs. I'd even say in Strive, their body shape became closer to how it was in the original GG.

Along with that, a lot of the design elements are still there, which I think is really impressive. The boots, the skirt, the gloves, and their new corset has the same arm flairs/wraps as their old tube top did. Really, they did a great job keeping the same vibe but showing that Testament has changed. So what's my problem? I've been trying to figure it out for a while. And seeing this concept art for Strive I think kinda cemented my feelings.

It was clear from the beginning they wanted Testament to have a more "fancy" look(lol the hat). In fact the one on the right is almost the exact same outfit but their body is drastically different... And I think this might be why I feel so mixed. GG creator has said Testament was always X-gender, and I think this comes through from their design from the very start. Back in ye olden days, before the Strive redesign, Testament 100% received transphobic comments that I shant repeat. But I'm sure you can imagine the sort of hatred and slurs a transfem would receive. having testament's redesign be clearly, much much more feminine isn't necessarily a bad thing- in fact i dont think its bad. again... being nb doesnt mean someone has to look any certain way. but testament isnt a real person. testament is a character designed by people. how would people have reacted if Testament was more masculine, but they still came out and said they were nb? The poses, the voice... it was all the same but Testament wasn't clearly much more fem? the way nb feels like something only allowed to more fem presenting people i guess makes me a bit concerned. go to any post about testament and look at the comments. its all "SEXY MOMMY THIGHS THEY SLAYIN" type shit. testament p much never received this attention beforehand. testament was also just... not as popular as other chars such as brisket who received the majority of attention in this way.

where am i going with this... idk. in a way, i have a lot of not clear thoughts and no where to put them. again maybe its just because i saw testament as gender goals before strive. and as someone that is nb but wants to be more masc it makes me a bit upset. there is absolutely a pattern of what is acceptable for a nb person to look like(especially when you are transfem), and i guess it just sucks that it happened to testament who i thought was perfect in the beginning. ngl i do also miss their edgier parts also. they def moved away from edgy to a fancy/posh vibe. testament's scythe used to be made of their own blood, and they'd cut off their body parts and remove skin for attacks. i can, obviously accept that this can be a reflection of them growing as a person and no longer self harming now that they are happy... or maybe it was too hard to animate in 3D... teehee....

this walk cycle literally cannot be beat it is the best.

i wanna be them so bad again tho i wanna reiterate. testament is my #1 fave guilty gear char forever i love them. this will not change. i just have many thots and feelings

[espressothegoat]

I wanna take a minute to gush about Rat, since she's my oldest still-active OC and one of my favorite characters, and also one who's changed dramatically from her original design.

So sit back, buckle up, and listen as I take you through a story that I care deeply about but probably won't matter to anyone else.

Version 1: The Street Rat

She also had a pet mouse on her shoulder. Cute, right? Sadly that detail was forgotten in later versions. Maybe I should bring it back.

I created Rat in 2018 as a D&D character, of all things. In the fantasy setting she was an orphaned thief with a sharp tongue and a heart of gold, trying to redeem herself with the thieves guild after an unfortunate... falling out, let's say.

Her name came from the idea that everyone she stole from would call her a "dirty rat" as she fled, so much so that she took the name for herself. It was better than nothing, and a great in-universe explanation for my horrible pun.

At least it wasn't something stupidly obvious like Katia, or worse, Kat'la. Is the foreshadowing obvious enough yet? I can't tell.

Unfortunately that particular game didn't even last a full session, but I was able to reuse the same character later that year for a different homebrew game another friend was running.

Around 2019 I doodled a version of Rat in a futuristic setting, partially for fun and mostly because I wanted to draw a character in an outfit I had seen online. The setting stuck, and Rat went from a fantasy rogue to a futuristic thief. Not quite cyberpunk yet, but getting there.

Version 2: The Lost Years

Trouble was I didn't know how to use her, and once the homebrew game ended Rat fell by the wayside. I redesigned her several times for different projects, trying to fit her in somewhere. She reappeared as Katia (noo!) In an abandoned near-future setting, and again as Kat'la (noooo!) in a space fantasy story I was working on, but didn't quite fit.

Told you those names were stupid.

In 2021 I was inspired to redraw her futuristic design, refining her character and personality. This version was made more intense, more dangerous, a fighter. Fitting the catlike elements of her design, she liked to play with her quarry, taunting and teasing them before her blades found their target.

In the chaos of college and the early pandemic I misplaced several sketchbooks, including the one with Rat's original design in it. That was disheartening, and I set her aside to work on other projects.

But I still wasn't quite happy with her, and a certain goat had caught my interest, so once again she fell by the wayside.

Version 3: The Cyberpunk Era

Earlier this year while moving apartments, I found the misplaced sketchbook with the original drawing of Rat. Inspired, I decided to knuckle down and redesign her once more in a way that I could finally be happy with.

Her color scheme was first, throwing away the gray colors, keeping the red, and adding a nice teal accent for a pop of contrast. Then I updated her look to suit a cyberpunk setting, where ears and a tail could be easily explained through body modification. Her outfits were updated as well, keeping the sleek and practical form-fitting look but improving the design.

This version is back to being a thief, using her reflexes, speed, and intelligence to avoid being seen, and to escape when she's detected. She's playful and carefree, teasing her pursuers as she slips through their fingers once again and vanishes into the fog. But she's also reckless and overconfident, jumping headfirst into dangerous situations without a plan.

So why am I sharing all of this?

Well, cos I'm a nerd, and I enjoy gushing about my characters. But also because I'm planning to explore Rat's story and the world of Neo Pacifica further. I love this version of Rat, and I think she would make a fine protagonist in the cyberpunk setting I've started piecing together for her.

I'm not entirely sure how I'll approach it. Art and writing are obviously options, and I've always wanted to try making a comic... in any case, it'll probably be a while before it sees the light of day.

But yeah that's the whole story. If you made it this far, congratulations! Thanks for putting up with my rambling.