#i also have what looks like bone chippage if you can beleive it

[roll-for-dexterity]

A nice as that moment in the sims a bit ago made me feel- I honestly hate to say my minds in a rut...

Its a rut I'm far familiar with; but one I tend to need to deep-dive into coping mechanisms to crawl put of. Sad part is I never know how to explain it, not without feeling the simplest answer to explain is nothing but an excuse to others. One that gets mulled around and shrugged off. So I often end up trying to survive it without a word; not even to my own fiancé sometimes.

I don't know if its the time of year, my own mental issues that form a triple A, my ankle problem, or work. Being honest it may be all those things. But I know while venting may help, as an adult I fear sharing certain things with others due to past experiences growing up. Art is a way I know I can communicate even if very simply or crude; and I know nothing else on how to say my issues without feeling an overwhelming fear of judgement and loosing connections to others that even if small I still cherish.

I've never been the best with some interactions (and without it being in person its far worse)- but I've been riddled with anxiety in trying to understand things people say to me when their being a fellow silly goose. Or even second guessing if I what I have to say is worth it, or if what I said was too much. I hate getting tense in my own head where I overthink and overanalyze things, but I can't pump the breaks on that cycle sometimes- needing others to do it for me.

I know I mentioned my ankle problem just a bit ago in this, and even idly mentioned it before. But- no its not better. It was worse than I thought when I finally saw to getting it checked, and I've been wearing a medical boot for over a month. I got till very early December before I see the doctor again- but for over at least 5 months I've neglected an obvious injury and I will say today it was a nail in the coffin that I'm having a period of mental gloom and discomfort. I feel useless with how my shifts have to mold arpund it- and I eslecially feel like a liability in that thing at work. Found out too quickly it is ABSOLUTELY NOT made to walk on a newly mopped floor; unless you seek a trip to the ER...

To give SOME good news- I did get my new headset today and the mic works very well deapite the obvious delay on Twitch streams. I can start streaming games, but drawings a massive worknin progress. My chromebooks just not cut out for streaming and drawing at the same time... Aside from that, the new Sims 4 Expansion Pack: Life and Death, releases tomorrow. So, perhaps when I first stream officially and not as a mic/set up check- I can play it for everyone. Perhaps build some of my other OCs or other characters in the CAS system- or build things. I've considered first ever streaming possibly this Friday, but we may just have to see how well my brain clears up if at all before then.

But, thats enough dibble daddle from me. I know I'll be ok, I just hope its soon because my fiancé is quite worried. But please take care, and have a Happy Halloween Eve.