#i also forgot a comma for 'that's when' but that doesn't really matter

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP1

oh man this music is fucking wild!! was that a big deep laugh? :D this is the happiest i have felt in months

it's literally like 'dun dun DUN' this is awesome

Audio sounds like it's coming from inside da computer. That's fun.

NO SUCH THING AS BONES (i knew big milk wasn't to be trusted)

fuck me everyone is so british. I forgot that listening to this podcast means being subjected to a thousand different accents that all sound like they come from Narnia.

Ugggh six in the morning goodbye party? This workplace is already worse than the Institute.

Colin's already fucking desperate to escape <3 there's always one. Good luck buddy.

There's too many voices to keep track of! I'm already getting Alice and Gwen confused.

They're going to the pub?? Didn't they just say it was six in the morning? Aren't they at work?

YOOO I WAS RIGHT WE ARE IN DA COMPUTER. Haha it turn itself on like a tape recorder. 💅 girlboss behaviour.

Oh I wonder why they can't do their paperwork online?? Probably not because of spooky reasons.

Wow a personal computer! High tech. Freddie lives inside. :D

Woah wait wtf?? Freddie is spyware??

Yeah Sam what about GDPR? Shut up and read this private email that an ancient computer program no one understands somehow found and stole for us.

Um?? Do they have a big alphabetised folder of Fucked Shit The Entities Do???

So many numbers are happening so quickly. Good luck transcribers/wiki editors.

Oh hang on 'All night every night', they work nights!! That's why the party was first thing in the morning and they all went to the pub afterward!! I'm so good at listening to podcasts.

MARTI N VOICE MATRIN VIOCE WMATIN VOICE!!! HE LIVE IN DA COMPUTER!!

Started about a year ago 👀

Haha gotta listen while he reads the email. This is normal :)

LOL they just ignore it and get coffee. Big mood, that's exactly what I would do if I was at work and my computer was fucking around.

NORRIS CHESTER AND AUGUSTUS

That's not their names :)

Also the stupidest fucking names ever. Alice rules.

Martin voice 🥰🥺😭🥰🥺😭🥰😭🥺 Martin my beloved. I hope he's okay inside da computer. Wonder if Colin smashing it with a hammer would crack him outta there??

Oh no my love for Martin made me forget that the horrors are back.

Hmm his voice is getting less computer and more Martin? Good thing??

Ugh why do we always have to start with Stranger statements? I hate the Stranger. Also Sam was wrong this is definitely dolls comma human skin not dolls comma watching.

Girl there is something in your garden gtfo of there.

Hurray we survived our first horror!! H definitely didn't.

Gwen is right this isn't zombies. Also three pages of subclassification for zombies? The archives couldn't even figure out how to put their dates in the right order.

Love how few fucks Alice gives. This job doesn't matter!! Welcome to the team!!

Ooooh Gwen's is trouble...

Oh shit she's gunning for the boss's job! Second girlboss moment of the episode!

Lol get pranked Sam. Alice set you the fuck up.

Sounds like a webcam is watching them?

Colin is my favourite character so far.

Sounds like Lena's deliberately hiring people who do a shit job (and Gwen's mad about it). Wonder what Lena's up to.

Tragic backstory time already? (Nope, false alarm)

Who needs sleep when you can have creepy monotomous data entry?

JON VOICE JON VOIEC JON CVOICE !!! 🥰🥺😭🥺🥰😭🥰😭😭 (i missed him)

Magnus Institute ruins you say???

'Anyone know what the deal is with the Magnus Institute?' Nope, never heard of it.

Oh I'm loving the new format of statements. Really scratches that 'found footage' itch.

For some unknown reason, I've been feeling really paranoid ever since escaping this evil eye building (that reminds me of an old asylum) full of strange shit that I couldn't take photos of.

CLEARLY WHAT USED TO BE A MASSIVE LIBRARY OR ARCHIVE IN THE BASEMENT

All the paper is gone? Graham Folger has been here.

Oh the removed image and then hearing the comments about it is so good!! Jonny's done it again lol. This is why I love found footage as a horror device.

Hmmm sounds like we're at the pub now. And we got that dial up noise? What are we listening from right now?

YO SAM AND ALICE EXES

It's good to establish right from the beginning that one of our protagonists is a noodle-armed weakling. The fandom would have done that work on our own I'm sure, but having canon backup is always gratifying.

Uh oh Colin's losing his mind.

Ominous music time!!!

THE MAGNUS PROTOCOL IS A PODCAST MOTHERFUCKERS.

[kuiinncedes]

i fucking messed up the lyric for “don’t you” lmaooooo