#reeah binge drinks and binge listens lol

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP1

oh man this music is fucking wild!! was that a big deep laugh? :D this is the happiest i have felt in months

it's literally like 'dun dun DUN' this is awesome

Audio sounds like it's coming from inside da computer. That's fun.

NO SUCH THING AS BONES (i knew big milk wasn't to be trusted)

fuck me everyone is so british. I forgot that listening to this podcast means being subjected to a thousand different accents that all sound like they come from Narnia.

Ugggh six in the morning goodbye party? This workplace is already worse than the Institute.

Colin's already fucking desperate to escape <3 there's always one. Good luck buddy.

There's too many voices to keep track of! I'm already getting Alice and Gwen confused.

They're going to the pub?? Didn't they just say it was six in the morning? Aren't they at work?

YOOO I WAS RIGHT WE ARE IN DA COMPUTER. Haha it turn itself on like a tape recorder. 💅 girlboss behaviour.

Oh I wonder why they can't do their paperwork online?? Probably not because of spooky reasons.

Wow a personal computer! High tech. Freddie lives inside. :D

Woah wait wtf?? Freddie is spyware??

Yeah Sam what about GDPR? Shut up and read this private email that an ancient computer program no one understands somehow found and stole for us.

Um?? Do they have a big alphabetised folder of Fucked Shit The Entities Do???

So many numbers are happening so quickly. Good luck transcribers/wiki editors.

Oh hang on 'All night every night', they work nights!! That's why the party was first thing in the morning and they all went to the pub afterward!! I'm so good at listening to podcasts.

MARTI N VOICE MATRIN VIOCE WMATIN VOICE!!! HE LIVE IN DA COMPUTER!!

Started about a year ago 👀

Haha gotta listen while he reads the email. This is normal :)

LOL they just ignore it and get coffee. Big mood, that's exactly what I would do if I was at work and my computer was fucking around.

NORRIS CHESTER AND AUGUSTUS

That's not their names :)

Also the stupidest fucking names ever. Alice rules.

Martin voice 🥰🥺😭🥰🥺😭🥰😭🥺 Martin my beloved. I hope he's okay inside da computer. Wonder if Colin smashing it with a hammer would crack him outta there??

Oh no my love for Martin made me forget that the horrors are back.

Hmm his voice is getting less computer and more Martin? Good thing??

Ugh why do we always have to start with Stranger statements? I hate the Stranger. Also Sam was wrong this is definitely dolls comma human skin not dolls comma watching.

Girl there is something in your garden gtfo of there.

Hurray we survived our first horror!! H definitely didn't.

Gwen is right this isn't zombies. Also three pages of subclassification for zombies? The archives couldn't even figure out how to put their dates in the right order.

Love how few fucks Alice gives. This job doesn't matter!! Welcome to the team!!

Ooooh Gwen's is trouble...

Oh shit she's gunning for the boss's job! Second girlboss moment of the episode!

Lol get pranked Sam. Alice set you the fuck up.

Sounds like a webcam is watching them?

Colin is my favourite character so far.

Sounds like Lena's deliberately hiring people who do a shit job (and Gwen's mad about it). Wonder what Lena's up to.

Tragic backstory time already? (Nope, false alarm)

Who needs sleep when you can have creepy monotomous data entry?

JON VOICE JON VOIEC JON CVOICE !!! 🥰🥺😭🥺🥰😭🥰😭😭 (i missed him)

Magnus Institute ruins you say???

'Anyone know what the deal is with the Magnus Institute?' Nope, never heard of it.

Oh I'm loving the new format of statements. Really scratches that 'found footage' itch.

For some unknown reason, I've been feeling really paranoid ever since escaping this evil eye building (that reminds me of an old asylum) full of strange shit that I couldn't take photos of.

CLEARLY WHAT USED TO BE A MASSIVE LIBRARY OR ARCHIVE IN THE BASEMENT

All the paper is gone? Graham Folger has been here.

Oh the removed image and then hearing the comments about it is so good!! Jonny's done it again lol. This is why I love found footage as a horror device.

Hmmm sounds like we're at the pub now. And we got that dial up noise? What are we listening from right now?

YO SAM AND ALICE EXES

It's good to establish right from the beginning that one of our protagonists is a noodle-armed weakling. The fandom would have done that work on our own I'm sure, but having canon backup is always gratifying.

Uh oh Colin's losing his mind.

Ominous music time!!!

THE MAGNUS PROTOCOL IS A PODCAST MOTHERFUCKERS.

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP9

Again with the onboarding paperwork? This is definitely going somewhere.

Rate your school-related childhood trauma and all the dead animals you've seen. I am a normal, non-nefarious form and there will be no consequences for filling me out.

Just why???? What an amazing question to put on a form. What could it possibly mean?

Oh hey Jon!!! He heard them talking about giving up on the Magnus investigation and decided to chime in with some relevant info!! HE'S FUCKING ALIVE IN THERE.

This feels more like an old school statement.

Advanced Dungeons and Dragons! Like regular D&D but more... advanced.

Oof Gary's going through it.

Oh no Gary's setting you up. Don't take those dice, they're evil. Bad luck dice!!

Gary you cunt.

Oh rolling high gives you good things!! Yeah I can see fucking around and finding out. Doesn't matter if they call you or not, life is already random and chaotic. Might as well roll the dice.

Hmmm themes of loss of control here. That's interesting.

Spreading the luck around is clever. Mitigating the chance of failure by introducing more variables. This is actually kind of a brilliant system.

Oh weird, now they're becoming a luck ghost. Creepy, it's like they're starting to live the 'dicing with death' trope.

Haha Gary's gonna get it now.

Snake eyes babey!

Ohhh 'the dice stare back' that rules!!!

Fuck, a truck got him. That's wild. I guess it is pretty unlucky tho.

Oh oof couldn't stop himself rolling one more time. Idiot. Obviously they were gonna kill you my dude.

Haha Gwen's gonna be handing someone a kill order.

Mr Bonzo????

Oh I can't wait to see this.

Oh no Teddy's lost his job :(

Tubular is great. More people should say tubular.

These people really are a minefield of interpersonal entanglements.

Let's go to the ruins!! Romantic date in the ruins!! Ride or die in the ruins!!

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP2

'Okay, Dracula.' I love this show

They have an insane system for categorising the supernatural. So many different subsections and numbers. Just lump em all in 15 vague categories and move on.

Gwen is such a bitch 💅

Time isn't real!

Now we're in therapy??? Fucking finally.

(But didn't Jonnny say that he didn't want to use recorded therapy sessions as a plot device? I thought that came up in TMA S4.)

Oh no eating disorder :(

Oh yay tattoo! Lol I also got myself new tattoos for my 30th. It's a good thing to have stuff in common with characters in horror podcasts, right?

Ugh getting a tattoo livestreamed would be the worst! Here's several hours of sitting perfectly still while experiencing a reasonable amount of pain and a stranger is touching you in ways that may or may not be very intimate the whole time. But now with an unknown amount of strangers watching!

Yeah this sucks supremely. I require a minimum of a year to be anxious about my prospective tattoo designs, the idea of getting something done without even knowing what it's going to be makes me feel nauseous.

'Cleaning their bloody tools'??? The fuck??? Not how tattoos work.

The design sounds cool tho

And it sounds like she didn't have to pay or do any aftercare? Maybe the cursed tattoo is worth it

Plus it has art magic!! Sign me the fuck up I need a cursed tattoo that makes me a good writer (and also eats me alive or whatever probably)

But I guess you never think your work is good enough and work yourself into exhaustion trying to perfect it? Yeah I'm still on board, I already never think anything I create is good enough.

Oh shit she doesn't mean adjusting the painting she's carving her face up. Uh oh!!

And carving her everything else up.

This is a boneturning tattoo. I've been tricked!

She was using acid???? 😬

Anyway Alice is right. Simply ignore the horrors and don't let them bother you. This is an effective coping strategy that never comes back to bite anyone or causes future problems.

Alice's sibling is in a band! Good for them.

Luke.

Sam, please. We don't do any extra research for this job. Stop caring and start coasting. The Magnus Institute is probably nothing and I'm sure it won't come up again :)

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP4

So cute how Sam keeps humming away to himself while working :) Good boy

Uh oh sneaking around looking at restricted files!! Someone's in trouble. (But the system made sure he wouldn't get in trouble... boys in da computer trying to help??)

Magnus! Protocol! Roll credits!

But seriously what is Sam doing.

What is the Protocol???? Need to know desperately.

Alice is being so serious!

Starkwall?? Private military contractors??? What the fuck is this job, aren't they just filing spooky shit into arbitrary folders?

Gwen not everything's about you.

Um?? This is Augustus but it's not the motherfucker I was expecting. ... Is this supposed to be Jonah's original voice?? Woah.

Sounds like a stuffy old motherfucker. I wonder how the puter boys are deciding who reads which statement.

Have my special violin boy. I would rather die than give it to you.

Fuck me I've stopped listening. I always used to tune out the historical statements (also getting drunker by the minute, unhelpful). Gotta skip back.

Blah blah blah I'm an old guy and I hate Bardwell and being in this carriage.

Be! Still! For! There! Is! Strange! Music!

I promise I didn't kill this guy that I hated and regularly imagined myself killing. He flung himself out of the carriage.

Lol he brained himself on a rock. That's my favourite way to murder a guy.

The carriage driver realised I killed him so [SCENE MISSING] I ended up alone.

Now he's found a random dude on the side of the road. Wonder if this will be the third murder victim, or if this is a new monster?

Oh he's got a bag full of weird shit, he's definitely evil.

Take this violin that cuts you when you touch it. I am your friend, and not trying to destroy you.

Uh oh now the other kids are laughing at the guy who murdered his way into this situation and is not afraid to murder his way out of it.

Oh shit he's going play this violin to shreds my dude.

Violin needs blood. Fill it with flesh. Kill some people and stick them inside instead of using your own fingers.

He's not special enough!! He needs more money and attention!

LOL CALLED IT. He's feeding children into the violin now. Fucking called it.

Oh cool, it's a grifters bone violin if you play it with gloves on

'Sucked the eyes out of his son's skull'?!?!????! The fuck???!?!?!

Anyway the violin's yours now. I fed myself to it. Good luck.

'And so was solved the horrifying mystery of the quite old letter' new tagline for the magnus series found.

Enjoying Alice and Gwen as the devil and angel of doing your job or not on Sam's shoulders.

Woah the 'our boss is a murderer' storyline is kicking off way earlier in the sequel series

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP8

Oh fuck liminal spaces that drive you insane. What does that remind me of?

Brutal liminality babeey I love it.

I wonder if any of these sources are actually real or if they're all fictional?

'Architectural hunger' 😘

Woah these spaces are disconnected from the human mindscape that's so cool.

This epsode would probably be hitting me harder if I had any idea what this place looked like.

Paused the episode to try googling it and couldn't find anything. Is it not a real place??

Hmmm. Empty spaces. Hunger. Hallucinating lights. Hiding from miasma. So far it's been feeling like most of these statements are combinations of a couple of entities, like they've become blurred with each other by travelling between dimensions. This one could be Spiral and Lonely? Fear takes many forms.

Oh shit no time for meta speculation there's a sharply dressed woman becoming you through an open door!! Run the other way my dude you have got to get out of there!!

'You are here'??

Yeah you should not have gotten in that lift. Terrible mistake.

Cool ghost restaurant.

Oh creepy they're all fake talking. And they have the same features! It's like in the Matrix when all the background chaarcters are identical twins. Or that Lonely statement about the tourist who gets lost in the featureless crowd.

'Stay a while' nope gtfo.

Ah!! They're gonna eat him!!

Yuck they're eating him alive.

Did Jonny write this episode? Reminds me of that game he played about the house that eats you alive. (Alex wrote it)

Oh yeah lol this was supposed to be an academic paper. Kinda lost the plot there.

Oh Gwen you have no idea what you're getting into, I wouldn't be so smug about it if I were you.

Uh oh, see ya Colin. Enjoy your mental health leave.

Where are Sam and Celia?

Gerry??

GG??

AHHHHHHH OMFG OMFG IMFNFGMFJF???????

IS THIS GERRY AND GERTRUDE

AHHHH HUSBAND BACK FROM THE DEAD?????? I DIDN'T RECOGNISE HIM BECAUSE HE SOUNDED HAPPY AHHHHHHH

But that's Gertrude for sure. I may not know my goths but I know a bitch when I hear one.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHSHAHAH

why are they living together what the FUCK

What is going on??

Oh Gerry is painting 🥰🥰🥺🥰🥺🥰🥺🥰🥺🥺 he has so many he has to give them away

GRANDSON????

Wait does that make Eric Delano her son? That's insane. WHAT IS GOING ON.

YEAH GERTRUDE. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE.

(Also seriously what the fuck is Sam up to? Did he get this job just to investigate the Institute? Why is he so obsessed with it?)

Oh shit he was in one of their gifted kids programs. That's why he's so obsessed with it. Hmm. Maybe I would have less questions if I listened to the episode for more than two seconds at a time, but this is how I'm choosing to record my thoughts so.... no.

Gerry was in the program too??

Ahhhh he's so happy!!! I'm dying!!!

Please please please let his happiness be real and fine and good and normal and not a symptom of something terrible going on. Don't hurt me like this. Please. I need there to be a version of him that's okay.

I've only had cheerful Gerry for two minutes and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in this podcast and then myself.

Why is he living with Gertrude. Why is she pretending to be his grandmother. Why doesn't he remember anything about the gifted program. Does Sam not remember anything either. Is that why he's investigating it. What the fuck happened to them when they were kids.

Gerry is so genuine and Gertrude is so obviously dodging their questions and hiding shit. Something's up. She's weirdly indulgent and playing along with him. She knows something.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO MY BOY I WILL RIOT.

Big painting <3

Oh it was Celia's idea? What's she up to?

Ahahah she's investigating time travel and other dimensions. I wonder what that could possibly be about. Trying to travel back home or confused about how she got here in the first place? How much does she even know?

Podcast??

GEORGIE??!!

What is up with this episode and bringing back characters whose names start with the letter G?

Okay okay okay. Like. Our Georgie or this dimension's Georgie? (she's a podcaster in every dimension)

The presence of Gerry and Gertrude menas that this dimension has doubles of people we knew from TMA, so is there another Jon and Martin here?

Is Celia looking for them? Is Georgie?

AHHHH SO MANY QUESTIONS

But who gives a shit about that I got to hear a happy version of my HUSBAND hahahhahaha 🥰😘🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😬🥰🥰🥰😘

(Gerry and Gertrude's voice acyors not credited? Why would that be?)

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP7

Celia mentioning tape recorders and manilla folders. Fanservice or ecidence that she came here from another dimension? Need to start cocooning myself in red string asap.

Celia seems pretty interested in why the spoken cases are different and if there's anything special about them. Suspicious!!

Now she's basically fucking name dropping Entities. This is definitely something. Desire to pick up Alex and Jonny and shake answers out of them = rising.

HILLTOP CENTRE BRANCH???

(imagine me as a feral cat outside Rusty Quill, screaming and clawing at the door)

Was that a bit of static in the background when the unremembered volunteer was first mentioned?

Love the plant pot shaped like a shouting human face. That rules. I wish all my home decor was screaming.

How many strangers can get hired by this one charity? How much creepy shit can they get away with donating? Keep listening to find out!

Only now do you start suspecting you've lost control of the situation?

The shop is starting to sound like Artefact Storage.

Ahh! Pinned by garbage and weirdos!! This is awful!! (Feels like Extinction maybe?)

Bang bang motherfuckers!! Time to shoot our way out of this!!

There's like a soldier or something?? Is this the same security firm that is incolved in the Protocol?

'The voice threw me' SHE RECOGNISES HIM AHHHHHHHH

'Better than Norris, whiny little toad' fuckiggnn leave. Martin. Alone! Guy can't catch a break even when he's trapped in da computer!

Hahahhaa she definitely recognises Jon's voice ahahahahha

Have I mentioned how much I love the soundscaping in this show? It's so cool how it sounds like we are hearing everything from inside da computer.

AHHHHH NEVERMIND SOUNDSCAPING DO YOU KNOW WHO JON IS?!?!?!?!?

Jon sending emails from the computer dimension!!!

Oh that's why we haven't heard from Colin lately, he's cut himself off from all outside electronics. Like Gertrude cutting all the eyes out of her books so she can't be spied on. Love this for him <3

The girls are fighting!!

Oh shit Gwen's making her move!

Klaus?

Oh she shot his ass!

Hahaha who's Lena working for??

Wow Gwen's going hard. What's her endgame here? Why does she need this job so badly?

'Step up to the real work' HMMMM shits gettin real in the office!

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP6

The sun is the enemy!! Alice is right about everything actually.

(Didn't love her at first but she's winning me over.)

New new hire??

They're always talking about how behind they are. Maybe they should try hiring competent people who want the job instead of randoms who disappear asap.

Oh shit. This is fucked already. Serial killer time!

This rules. Love the emergency call format. What an episode.

'All those teeny tiny holes, bright and sharp' <3

'He stabbed himself on me' oh no he's a needle man!! Hugsy the needle man who's stabbing everyone with his needle hugs!! Ahhh!!

'Is that why you called, to try and scare whoever picked up?' Yeah that is interesting. Almost all of the statements we've had so far have been from avatars (I'm using the old terminology from TMA until we get more info about exactly what's going on in this dimension or whatever). Last time we mostly started with statments from victims/survivors, but maybe if the Entities have only newly arrived in this world then there hasn't been enough time for avatars to really establish themselves yet? So we're getting more statements from monsters than victims because they're still finding their feet and so far haven't been leaving enough surivivors to give statements? That's why the needle man is so upset/frustrated about the cop who answered the phone not being scared. He needs the fear but hasn't mastered getting it yet.

'Guess I'm just not that scared of needles' HELLS YEAH. KING SHIT!! Take your stupid needle hugs and fuck off!!

Oh yeah needle man is freaking out. Started off so good and creepy but he's rapidly lost control of the situation. Feels like a new monster to me.

Now he's like 'hmmm scaring someone who is trained to keep calm and offer assistance in an emergency situation over the phone where he can't see my needle skin is stupid actually'. Now what??

Gotta go get him in person!! That's the way!! Now you've spooked him. Needle man's getting the hang of it.

I hope we hear from Needle Man again :) i think he has potential.

Celia!! From the cult?? Or is this a coincidence?

Mini doughnuts rule

Weird job interviews are such a thing :) love a hiring practice that features desperation as a KPI

'Four weirdos in a basement reading scary stories. Dream job!' Ughhhsuggsuhhghhhssh 🥺😭🥺😭🥺😭😭 don't say things like that without warning me!!!

Big fan of Celia the hardened killer <3

Yeah fuck it. Alice has won me over. She's funny.

Sam and Celia sitting in a tree!! 😭😭

Omg Alice's fake flirting is such a nightmare. This place has warped her.

Stamp facts! with Sam <3

Tall Alice confirmed.

Sam needs to go to sleep. Bedtime for sleepy boys.

YO THAT WAS LOWRI I WAS RIGHT. First character from TMA to also appear in TMAGP? (Aside from my boys in da computer obviously) this is exciting!! Who else might we see in the future?

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP5

Uh oh besties! Colin's aware that he's living in a horror story! Good luck with all those locks and cameras my guy.

'It's important we don't keep secrets here' typical murderous boss behaviour 🙄

Ooh the mystery of the outdated paperwork deepens! Can't wait to see where this goes. (Really)

'Welcome to my twisted mind' 😂😂😂

Oh no a lonely kid wrote that. Now I feel bad.

Yeah, it's a good tagline.

Fire in the Sky is a fucked movie.

Hmmm... this blog is weirdly blank.

Oh this mysterious website competition sounds good and wholesome, definitely put your name in there.

Oh wow you won? Who could have predicted that?

Oh and a letter showed up at your home address that you never provided??

And it's at a cinema that you used to go to???

None of this is ominous :)

I will not stand for this Babdook slander. Homophobia.

Ugh what kind of fucking loser liveblogs their reactions to a horror story 😂😂😂😂😂

'That's [UNINTELLIGIBLE] cool I guess.'

'Snacks aquired' :)

Hmmm. Weird how there's only one guy working in this entire abandoned cinema. Why would that be?

🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿

Oh shit! It's his dad's death. That's so creepy!!

Who is that.

Needs to be seen to be believed!!

Oh I loved that. That was an awesome statement.

Luke's back! Hope nothing terrible happens to him.

Do you remember this mysterious tattooed guy who definitely got murdered? No further questions.

It's interesting that Jonny and Alex just keep being credited as Additional Voices and not Chester/Norris.

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

TMAGP3

Um??? Hello??? Dot JMJ error??? THAT'S MY BOYS

(My boys plus one dead motherfucker who better stay that way)

Oh man Colin really is going through it. It's not his fault there's ghosts in da computer.

Martin took pity on him!! (I've decided a JMJ error is when all my puter boys through a tantrum and refuse to play nice with the office workers).

Interesting that the briefcase's contents are listed differently in the file vs the journal entries.

The fuck is this doctor on the run from? Hiding in a garden? Get inside idiot.

Loving this statement so far. Very atmospheric.

Uh oh dude, voices are calling you in the garden. Good luck with this shit.

UGH. His rash is full of roots??? YUCK.

Yuck yuck yuck gtfo out of this garden it's bad out here.

What is happening.

'Something is very wrong.' YEAH YA THINK.

Welp. Ghost got him.

Oh no there's things growing out of him!!! Yuck!!!

Now bugs are eating him alive and he's planting his fingers. I said this garden was bad news.

'My skin is pulling away nicely' 😠

He's a tree now I guess.

That was awesome. I'm so glad Magnus is back.

Bad Alice!! Going behind Colin's back to IT!! Treachery!! Don't drag Sam into your schemes.

Haha get her ass Alice.