#i also dont take care of myself because i hate myself very epic

[honeyed-disgraceful]

My health: severely compromised. Multiple things wrong

Me: I am going to leave and live on my own and build my life if it runs me into the ground.

[misqnon]

hi, i just read all of ur posts tagged as misqnon's one piece liveblogging and it was so much fun T-T. im here to rant about one piece and im sorry.

i really love seeing people react to content i am caught up with and hold close to my heart.

i got into the 800s in the anime and stopped watching, took a break and then read the manga up to around 1060. but last month i decided to read the whole thing from the beginning and it is genuinely SO WORTH IT.

after u have caught up completely its super rewarding to go back and look at previous chapters bc its constant "oh my god look what was foreshadowed here??" and "now i understand the context behind this!!!" and "this interaction is so much more meaningful now that i know their relationship!!". yes it did take me a whole month of nearly nonstop reading to catch back up but i have 0 regrets.

wano and the arc after it are both super fun and interesting and i think ur gonna love it. the lore is crazy. i hope u dont see any spoilers bc going into it completely blind will probably be way more exciting, especially with the most recent arc since its kinda suspenseful and mysterious,,.

anyways thats all i have to say how do you end these things.. take care!!

AAAAA ANON THIS IS SUCH A FUN MESSAGE TO RECIEVE THANK YOU...

I ended up talking a lot so I'll put this under a cut lol

I used to be the person who said I would never watch one piece 😭😭 I've been into anime since I was like 12 and I'm almost 24 now (fuck . That's like half my life) and obviously it's always been on my radar but I always thought it was 1. Too popular 2. Too Long 3. Hated how oda draws women lmao so I was fine ignoring it and only knowing the basics from just Being On The Internet

I think sometime early on I caved and attempted to watch it- I got to alabasta and stopped bc the anime pacing wasn't doing it for me (though I liked it up until then, but didn't LOVE it)

cut to high-school where a couple of my good friends liked it but we never really talked about it, it was a lifelong interest for one of them bc he'd started reading it on like 4th grade

Well I'm still friends with them (shoutout to sam and seb) and they convinced me to watch one piece film red with them in like July or August of last year bc they were showing me the songs and I, ado fan bc I'm a retired weaboo and a vocaloid Stan, was like "haha that sounds like ado" and they went "IT IS!!!!??" so I had to watch it for her.

again, I was like oh this is fun I like this :^) but no IMMEDIATE interest, more of a passive thing... until the live action came out a month or so later and I watched it just because and DAMN I FELL IN LOVE FAST

I went back to the anime and rewatched the beginning, then skipped back to alabasta where I had left off years and years ago and now I'm Here 🧍

I watched up through part of dressrosa before I started reading the manga, and now I'm doing that while watching certain episodes of just the parts I really wanna see animated

It's been. So Fun

I am now that person who's like Hey You Should Watch One Piece. I get it now. I so get it lmao. And you know the weirdest part is that with it being divided up into arcs like it is I find myself thinking it really doesn't feel that long!?!? Am I insane,

anyways. It's been a while since I was in an active fandom or even in a fandom at all - ESPECIALLY such a big one!?! (I was in college for 4 years and Busy).

but it's. Crazy. I'm writing fanfics and joining discord servers and I've never done that before. it's been very fun and rewarding tbh...I don't like a lot of things about oda and aspects he included and ofc one piece isn't perfect or unproblematic but it IS a really awesome epic of a story about friendship and found family and anti authority and its just.

I'm also a person who's always loved reaction videos or just even seeing otherppl react to things I like so I RELATE AND IM SO GLAD I CAN BE THAT FOR U...

I'm ngl as I've been reading I've been wanting to look up some old one piece forums dated the time certain reveals happened bc I want to see how people felt as this shit came out holy Shit....

it's additionally funny bc this blog is about 10 years old and has amassed a decent amount of followers over the years who were just into some of the other random stuff I've been into but I know a fair amount of them were thinking we were on the same page of not being into one piece and now here I am. Ruining that. And with the pervert character as my favorite no less. lmao SORRYYYY YALL <3

I'll leave u with this message I sent into the discord I share with some friends the other day, none of which really watch op, when asked to explain something about the show. In fact, I think the reasoning for this message was BECAUSE I was explaining to a friend just how much oda foreshadows things!! jinbei, kaido, haki, sanjis backstory, ALL being mentioned by name or referenced DECADES/YEARS BEFORE APPEARING ON SCREEN...HUNDREDS OF CHAPTERS APART....I could rant on more but I'll stop for now.

thank u for the message and feel free to dm me to talk about this silly show anytime bc its sunken its claws into me 😭

[scornfluke-archive]

not particularly negative just kind of bullshit. deleting this in the morning

wanna make art but all the ways ive been making art lately are really low effort bc im so low energy. but i hate the way they look. and i have a commission staring at me also that i genuinely want to do and to do well but it will take a lot of effort to do, also the visuals ive been messing with are getting really boring and not very well thought out. and im sincerely missing being in art school even though it was fucking shit. maybe just because it was slightly less shit than how ive been doing since graduation. and also because i feel like maybe i could make up for my thesis project being a dumpster fire by living vicariously though la pomponina. (and then i dont work on it or do anything for it other than tossing ideas at the wall and not following through because, i have, no energy). totally laughable that i thought i could make anything out of my life when i cant be fucking bothered to care about anything apparently. whatever. can god fucking smite me and then some college bitch writes an epic tragedy embellishing my life to bits so people dont remember me as myself (rolls eyes)

whatever. we are over it now were reading about mushroom identification and kissing all of our friends on the brains.

[gayregis]

Hi, just wanted to ask, how did you get into the witcher franchise (did you read the books before you played the games or vice versa?). Love your blog, byeeee :)

ty for the ask!! i hope you dont mind if i go too in-depth because i was legit thinking about this earlier today... 

tldr: i played tw3 and liked it, then read the books

i got into the witcher because one of my favorite gaming youtubers was doing a playthrough of tw3 on youtube in around i think september 2017. i liked this specific gaming youtuber for being shit at games and not caring about it... but tw3 was a different game. it felt like the decisions mattered, that there was an actual story here, that when this youtuber made shitty decisions and didn’t really care about the characters involved, i got frustrated because this game seemed really good... so i picked up the game myself and played it though, it was magnificent. not to r/witcher “the witcher 3 is literally the best game created in this history of ever” but it was sincerely good... not only does it have a great story, characters, and graphics, but it is genuinely comfortable to play as a game, even if you’re not great at games (i like playing video games but i’m not good at them when it comes to combat, i literally just would prefer to hack and slash through). so, i played through tw3 and the fact that it made me cry multiple times i found to be really interesting... but it was still just a game to me, it wasn’t something i thought about when i have time to daydream headcanons. i had read i think the witcher (short story) halfway through playing, just to get a feel of what tw3 came from, but from that, i realized the books and the games were incredibly different entitities, and i decided to not read the books until i had finished the game, or at least until i had more free time on my hands (mind i was in high school and was a senior, and during this time was when i was submitting college applications... exceptionally stressful, and the reading/writing part of my brain was absolutely fried from essay writing and reviewing). i was particularly struck by geralt and ciri’s relationship and the isle of mists quests fucked me up pretty bad. 

then around later 2017, i was really enjoying tw3, and had finished tw3′s base game and hearts of stone, and was now making my way into blood & wine. i was just playing it like normal, then came the part when geralt met regis. at first i wasn’t too interested (i mean, i was, but in the story of blood & wine, not in the books) until the little journal text pop-up appeared on my screen. you know, the one about quests you just received, or characters you just met. it was going through the motions of saying i finished this quest, picked up this new one, i was all like fine, fine, okay, alright, and then it just fucking puts regis’ long-ass name on the screen taking up a good amount of my FOV and i am immediately like, what? what the fuck? who the fuck? that’s the name? of the guy we just met? that guy??? he didn’t seem like someone with a name like that? who the fuck IS this guy.

so i head over to the wiki page for regis. i thumb through the basic information, i’m pretty interested, this quest stuff to find ciri sounds interesting. i decide to give the witcher books another try, because i have more free time now and am way more invested as everyone here as characters. also, i want to find out more about yennefer, because she was being badmouthed by everyone i saw online, and i wanted to read more about her and see if she was really so bad (spoilers: she’s not at all, the internet is just misogynistic).

i don’t think that i’m going to actually really care about these books, i just want more flavor and explanation about how in hell a witcher met a vampire and these two somehow became friends. so, i don’t care about reading them in order. i go online and find fan translations of every book, i open baptism of fire and i just start reading the bit about the fish soup. i’m suddenly just laughing my ass off, really interested in who these other characters are, milva and cahir, and how dandelion seems to actually be the best friend to geralt that he was said to be in tw3. i also notice immediately that geralt... oh my god, geralt’s such a cranky bitch. i’m SHOCKED at how annoying geralt is. i realize that this is probably what geralt’s been like, this whole time, and tw3 just gave me a sterilized version of him. i’m trying to decide if i like this change or not, at first i HATED it... but then realized it actually gave him a character, where in tw3 he feels a little more... empty, waiting for the player to project a personality onto him.

so, i just read all of the hansa bits of baptism of fire, skipping over anything i don’t understand. i am saddened when i can’t find any more, so i move onto tower of the swallow. and then lady of the lake. “oh, so that’s why geralt was surprised to see regis in blood & wine...” feeling at a loss after reading stygga, i start at the beginning and make my way through the books chronologically, like they should be read. i soon realize that this series really isn’t about killing monsters at all, and i’m thrilled. i thought the series was just going to be about geralt killing things in a swamp and reporting back to whoever hired him, like in tw3... and i was wrong. this series is about personal connections! relationships! ... and fatherhood. [see read more for personal junk]

i can’t remember when i started disliking tw3. it must have been around the time that i finished the books (im using the word finished loosely... i still havent finished some scenes because theyre too violent to read and continue with my day in peace, and i also read tos/lotl by skipping around, so i never got the full experience of reading them as full novels).

i just distinctly remember returning to my tw3 new game+ save after rereading the fish soup scene, and thinking about how lonely the game felt... i just felt so dispairingly alone, this loneliness that i hadn’t felt while playing before, that i had to put the game down. i returned to the game again, but i had just reread edge of the world... and i felt so alone again. 

so reading the books ruined tw3 for me, not out of malicious intent, but just because i think i realized geralt isn’t meant to be the lone wolf. the novels center around him and his family and friends, and i just genuinely missed that when replaying tw3. plus, i began to realize a bunch of things, like ciri’s scar is supposed to be bigger, geralt’s supposed to wear his hair in a headband, yennefer’s hair is actually curly, dandelion’s supposed to actually be in the game. there were so many inconsistencies with the characters i had imagined while reading the books that eventually i just stopped playing tw3 (i already played it once, so nbd) and got really into the books. 

sometime later i saved up like $80 to buy the paperback versions of the books (UK versions including season of storms) because i knew i was in really deep lol and i wanted the official translations super badly, also we were doing an assignment in class that allowed us to do something with our favorite book, but we needed to have it in-person and not as an e-book, so it was the perfect excuse. much time spent on hansa headcanons later and... here we are today.

a read-more, because this is more personal. 

the witcher series picked me up at an eerily appropriate time. two things in it stood out to me: 1) geralt’s relationship with ciri 2) regis’s alcoholism. 

i distinctly remember an event where i started crying in front of my parents because my dad was being so absent in my life or maybe it was because they were arguing, something like this... and i remember referencing tw3 isle of mists quest actually by saying “i shouldn’t have to learn it (good parenting) from a video game” ... lol. it wasn’t an epic burn from a 17 yo, but it was just a painful remark made in anger. i still think back to it because of how first watching geralt hug ciri made me feel and how i was actually really bitter because i was jealous of ciri for about a week after completing the quest. then i kind of pushed it out of my mind and didn’t think so much about it, until the night i mentioned it.

in late march of 2018, something very bad happened in my family. that’s probably the best way to describe it. the situation ended in my parents finally separating. my mom and i were pretty afraid and lost after that. after i had collected my thoughts and everything and went back to as “normal” as i could, about a month later, when the creative part of my brain finally began to function again and wasn’t inhibited due to fear, i clung to the witcher more than i did before... and this time, actually particularly to regis, because guess who has a whole redemption arc relating to not being alcoholic and being a genuinely good person who speaks gently and heals the vulnerable?

[joyfulsongbird]

flower anon goes to hadestown and has a TIME

so there is no possible way for me to express my feelings and emotionsTM about Hadestown or my weekend in New York in an ask so I am sending them here. Just for context: I saw four shows in two days (my bank account is extremely pissed at me but it was worth it) and they were all special and phenomenal in their own ways. However, we do not have all the time in the world so I am just going to word vomit about Hadestown. 

So it is Sunday morning, I am on 48th and I am seeing The Lightening Thief at 1 but I made brownies for the cast and crew (as well as a separate batch for Eva because last time someone bought treats to the show she didn’t get one) and I was unsure if security would let me into the theatre with the food. So I “stagedoored” Hadestown as the cast and crew were coming in for the morning. I gave the first batch to Kay and she was incredibly sweet and lovely. I explained that the brownies were in fact not full of drugs (I do not have the money for that!!) which she laughed at and then we went on our merry ways. 

After Lightening Thief I had some time to kill before Hadestown so I went to dinner and when I walked back to the Walter Kerr they were stagedooring for the matinee show. I decided to wait and give Eva the batch that I made for her because I literally had nothing else to do. So Eva comes out and I’m at the very end so I am expecting her to come to me last (which is fine, I was going to see her again at the evening stagedoor!) but she STRUTTED down my way and I explained that these were for her and that I hoped she was surviving the two show day. She said that she had to give me a hug and of course I accepted. Then she complimented my top (which was leopard print) and exposed her neck tattoo and was like “they match!!” Eva was so lovely and then I left to let the people stagedooring enjoy their experience. 

Fast forward a little I am sitting in the Walter Kerr and it is starting to come over me that I am actually here and about to see this show. Then the light dims and Andre came out and opened the show. Saying “aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight” back in harmony with the audience was indescribable, just as the actors were centring themselves for the show, I was centring myself for an unforgettable experience. 

Now I am just going to transition into some notes about the show (i would do every song but we would be here a while, so I am just doing what impacted me the most/I recall): 

The first trombone note played and INSTANTLY my eyes were misty oops 

when Hermes is introducing everyone Orpheus was kind of fidgeting/extending his fingers in a very specific way and was a very cute and subtle way of expressing his kind of nervousness/anxiety/ticks whatever you want to refer to it as 

The la la las hit so different live like holy shit the way the sound radiates around the theatre is magical and unlike anything else. 

The first interaction of Orpheus and Eurydice had my heart soft and I was not ready in any shape or form for anything to happen to them other than love and happiness 

At the end of Road to Hell when Hermes sings “we’re going to sing it again” Hermes WENT OFF. The lighting is absolutely gorgeous and the whole cast is like jazz handing at him and he holds it for an ungodly length of time and it was a legendary opening. 

HEARING EVA LIVE WAS EVERYTHING i watched her with wide eyes and so much love in my heart like i didn’t realise how intense the sound would be in a live space. I dont know shit about how sound and mics work but man like it is so different live the whole show I had chills.

Come home with me and wedding song are so fucking tender and horny like god i love this couple so much i had a bad seat for watching Eurydice drop her coat shoulder when she tells orpheus if he wants to take her home he better werk but the teasing tone in her voice was iconic and his little breathy hitch got me like isahdfsdhflhdf

During living it up on top when Eurydice dances with the workers chorus she did the Leg KickTM and I felt blessed 

also during his toast Orpheus’ voice broke when he said “To the Patroness” and it was the cutest thing in the world i love my nervous son 

All I’ve ever known was the first song to make me cry cry, it is just so sweet and such a special depiction of love and really hit home for me. it says a lot about me that the tender and horny song is the one that broke me. When the leg thing happened I was unable to breathe for a moment 

the tender horniess continues during way down, and i specifically watched the kiddos because I love to suffer. They start on a stool and orpheus kisses her neck while she taps the beat of the song on his thigh and theyre just so in love my heart could not take it. They move then to the centre of the stage and spoon and you can see Orpheus’ feet tapping along to the music here too. 

Chant is so fucking sexy there is literally no other way to describe it, everything about the design and the way it is performed is so so so good like h o l y s h i t it is so good. However I hate Hades sunglasses and wish they were different because they just make him look like my racist uncle lol 

Wait for me gave me a panic attack because i was very worried about bby orpheus getting bonked on the head but also THE LIGHTING IS SO SEXY the lighting tony was so well deserved i’m glad the american theatre wing did like at least one (1) thing right. Also i was full on crying at this point. 

Why we build the wall…. powerful shit I watched persephone during this and her facial expressions tell such an intense story of love, hate, desperation, and drunkenness. 

flowers rekt me and left me for dead. it was such an emotional performance and i personally resonate with this song a lot (haha thats trauma baby) AND THEN THE TRANSITION TO TENDER LOVING COME HOME WITH ME stomped on my grave. also orpheus ran right by me and i was like GO GET HER YOU LANKY FUCK 

i usually don’t listen past flowers because self care and I was already an emotional mess so when if its true began i was full on weeping. I felt so bad for the people next to me, you physically see orpheus break down and it shattered me and then rebuild with the support of the worker and the hope become restored (but it isnt strong enough in the end (OUCH)) 

epic iii instrumental with the dance was just so full of young love hades and persephone just beam at eachother in this new wonderful way and once again, i was weeping because orpheus did it he la la laed the world back into tune and it is so tender and so full of love 

EVAS BELT IN WAIT FOR ME REPRISE GOT ME FEELING ALL KINDS OF CRAZY i was leaning so aggressively forward in my seat i want to remember that sound FOREVER 

doubt comes in was a really bad time. obviously i know the story but something about the show makes you hold on to all the hope in the world and I was literally sitting in my seat, my nails digging into the flesh of my palm thinking “cmon orpheus you know who you are you can do this hold on please hold on” AND THEYRE SO SNEAKY WITH THE LIGHTS IT GETS HOPEFUL AND THE SET COMES BACK TOGETHER AND THEN IT HAPPENS AND OH LORD i audibly gasped and the tears were STREAMING down my face and the face of the lady next to me who had no idea of the story rip to her man 

i literally cannot recall any of road to hell reprise visually because my eyes were so messed up with tears but hermes voice was almost like a blanket coming to wrap me up and hold me again after all that hurt and hold on to the hope that it might in fact turn out next time we sing it 

also i made an active choice to not listen to we raise our cups before the show and BOY HOWDY that was a choice because the moment it began the tears came once more and it was magical watching the audience (all standing, get that standing ovation) taking in the last little bit of magic that the show offers you and the feeling of hope and light that seeing a sunflower in all of its beauty brings. 

after the show i stagedoored and was lucky enough to meet and talk with Cherie the SM (she called the show too so I felt rlly lucky) and she wished me good luck in law school then i met John, Timothy, Jewelle, Anthony, Kimberly, and of course Reeve and Eva. I might have cried on the train home and yeah it was just this absolutely incredible and life changing moment, I feel so lucky that I was able to go it was worth it in every sense of the word. Hadestown went above and beyond and I will hold on to the memories forever. 

[comicteaparty]

April 1st-April 7th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from April 1st, 2020 to April 7th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

How do you feel about creators spoiling their own stories, and how does it effect how you read the comic?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As someone who's both reader & a creator, it can be really hard to restrain giving spoilers. But it could also be that they are excited to make this story and they wanna 'get to the spoilers' really soon. But if you are such creator, an idea is to find friends whom you can trust, don't mind giving critique/give spoilers to. As a reader it can be slight disappointment to learn about spoilers in a comic you were invested in and still reading. At this point, I might think, I'm going to get out of the conversation on the spoilers and wait until more content is made(edited)

DanitheCarutor

Being someone who was raised by a parent who wanted me to spoiler movies for them if I saw it first, I don't care about stories being spoiled for me. Experiencing the scene is usually very different than being told what it is, also once I get to that spoiled scene I've already forgotten about it thanks to my Quality short-term memory. Honestly, I would totally go all out spoiling my own comic, but I know most people hate that stuff so I don't out of respect. There have been a few times when I've talked about spoilery stuff not really knowing if it would be considered a spoiler, or because I'm talking about something else that is related and I have to spoil a bit for the topic.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Personally it depends on how plot heavy the spoiler is. If it's something like what food/clothing/interests the characters have, I don't mind so much. But if it's something like who is going to die, who falls in love with who....I think the experience would be slightly more diminished.

Like @Joichi [Hybrid Dolls] said, I usually share the spoilers only with close friends, particularly those who know how to give their input. It's important to get feedback, but choosing who you tell is very important.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I’m very protective of story details. I don’t want people to know any of what’s going to happen in my story. I like having secrets

I don’t really mind hearing spoilers myself much of the time because I mostly enjoy stories by looking at all the events in the story together. If I know all the events sooner that often lets me enjoy it sooner

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I usually don't care that much about spoilers, unless it's about character death or something. Usually, I try to avoid them like the plague, just in case, but I don't really care that much.(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Personally, on other people's comics, I usually only refer to what's in the comic proper. Not too fond of having to read supplemental material, like creator QA's.

I know they can be nice for some readers, but I genuinely don't like it when the knowledge established in a QA or so is assumed to be known in the comic proper without ever being mentioned there.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm having difficulty articulating my reasons, but for me, the creator spoiling things is different from a reader spoiling the same things. And reader-supplied spoilers can also be VERY different based on context and tone. I hate it when people spoil things for others out of malice (like when people were buying ad spaces, just after that one Harry Potter book came out, to broadcast [THIS IMPORTANT CHARACTER] DIES!!!!), even if I don't care about the work being spoiled.

Going back to creator-supplied spoilers........ it's something I can't relate to, as a creator myself? (Sharing spoilers in private is one thing, but if they're posting it in public...) This is going to sound negative and I apologize in advance. When I see a creator laying out the big spoilers in public, it makes me worry that maybe they prefer to talk instead of actually making the comic -- that maybe they won't make it to the ending. I'm happy to be proven wrong, of course. And there is no shame in dropping a comic before you get to the end (I've done that myself!). But yeah, public spoilers is one of those things that makes me worry.(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

^My thoughts exactly. It worries me in exactly the same way.

Deo101 [Millennium]

when it comes to reading spoilers, Ive never really minded. Granted, I'd rather have spoilers more towards "what to expect" because I otherwise will get a lot of anxiety. A bit of the way in, I want to know if something is going to be worth my time to get invested into, or if I should ignore the stress and just be along for the ride. Being told things like "this is a tragedy and you shouldnt expect to have a happy ending" and "everything will work out in the end" really calms me down when I'm reading. Getting small spoilers about character things, inconsequential plot stuff, etc. don't really bother me at all, but yeah I'm with keiiii where if someone is sharing the ending of their story halfway through I worry theyre not interested in actually working to get there.

I'll personally share in small private settings whatever people want to know, but I refuse to in a public setting share what I'd consider to be a big spoiler. I'll share small character things or vague plans and some worldbuilding stuff, but I don't see those as spoilers really.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

The "what to expect" thing is a really great topic though. I would love to discuss it in depth in shop talk when the caffeine kicks in

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Ooh me too. I drop some future story features in my About page - very broadly. But it's more of a pitch than an outright spoiler. It requires some vagueness to be effective.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

@Deo101 [Millennium] Setting expectations correctly is very different from spoilers, I think, and more in direction of "what genre does that story fall under". Like a romance means happy (for now) ending for the main couple - even if you might end up disagreeing if an ending is happy.

It ain't a spoiler that a space opera has some kind of space travel, that kind of thing.

For me spoilers tend to cover plot specifics, not genre and general tone. That's setting expectations.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, but a lot of people really don't like to say that their story is gonna be a tragedy because they dont want to spoil that people are gonna die or whatever

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

That's... bad marketing.

Deo101 [Millennium]

it happens constantly

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I agree that a lot of times what creators share is basically bonus plot info, or extra details, or even warnings. I actually haven't really ever gotten a major spoiler from a creator.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Mind you, you can have people die without being a tradgedy, see the majority of epic fantasy.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

(On a side note, I have spoiled 100% of the plot of my comic to very specific close people in my life, but I don't know if that counts.)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't think there is a single person to whom I've spoiled 100% and I'm jelly of those of you who have Story Confidantes!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Honestly SOs and close siblings are a GODSEND

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm close with my bro, but he's not into the kind of stuff I write. (might be getting off topic?)

RebelVampire

Yeah I do want to remind again here this should be about experiences as a reader, not as a creator. And I know there can be a bit of bleed over, but there's a point where the focus changes too much.

RebelVampire

I think this depends on who it's being spoiled to. If creators want to spoil their stories to close personal friends in private convos, I think that's A-okay. Even as a writer I do that, because it's good to have people to bounce ideas off of. And I think for more creators it's the same. Also, sometimes you just want to have a fun chat to de-stress and it's easier with people who you can tell all your secrets too. If it's being spoiled to people who asked for spoilers, that's also another matter where I think it's mostly fine. In fact, depending on what's spoiled, it can really help drive engagement. For example, if a comic is "spoiling" lore that has a significant bearing on the plot without revealing the exact how of it all. However, then we come to the matter of major public spoilers, which there are tons and tons of creators who do this. On the one hand, that's the creator's right to do so, so a part of me feels like embracing the can't be helped mindset. But, if I'm being brutally honest, as a reader 90% of the time it just kills all engagement with the story for me. I mean, what's the point of reading the story if I can just find out everything in a fraction of the time? Plus, for me personally, I enjoy theorizing and trying to guess events, mysteries, etc. And if I'm being told the answers, that basically ruins like 80% of how I engage with content. I'm also confident I'm not the only reader who feels this way, so personally speaking I don't think it's a wise decision no matter how juicy or agonizing it is to hold in the spoiler.

Feather J. Fern

For me, spoilers don't mean much. I'm still going to read the comic regardless. Now I spoiling something is funnier, because it takes me forever to get to the section which I spoiled, so something I spoiled would take a year to get to, and then everyone forgot the spoiler anyways. XD

I have already spoiled endings to my friends about one of my comic projects, and three months in they are already like "I forgot about that." So maybe it's just my readers haha.

DanitheCarutor

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) About the talking vs. finishing the comic thing. If I decided to spoil it would be because I was impatient to discuss. Like, right now I have the worst itch just to talk about the climax and ending to discuss all the little details, what I could do better next time, if I should put trigger warnings on specific chapters, and/or how my readers feel. Would it keep me from making it to the end? Nah, executing and seeing the results are not the same as describing them. The emotions a reader has can change vastly when they experience an event vs. read a description, it's not as fulfilling... or as painful. At least that is my perspective, neither I nor my readers would get the full experience from me describing a major event/ending. I don't know how it would be for other creators though. Lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, it's definitely a case by case thing.

DanitheCarutor

Pff yeah, I imagine some people are less anal about execution than I am.

eli [a winged tale]

Great discussions here! If I’m the reader, I’d prefer not to be spoiled and enjoy the story as is. It helps me as both a consumer and a creator to see how the plot twists are planted and revealed. As a beta reader, though, I would need to know the story to give suggestions on how to execute said spoilers but this is more of a creator-to-creator basis. I totally get the itch to share and I think having betareaders/comic confidantes are great for satisfying that need while getting constructive ways to evaluate them.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Agreed. I think having at least one person within your reader circle who is privy to deeper details can be very helpful, both for editing and for motivation Especially if there are story details that won't be shared for years. It's a good way to prevent 'leakage'

DanitheCarutor

I need to get myself a confidant, not only would it help the itch but talking about it would probably help me better fill in the small details. There was a rl friend I had who got too busy and lost interested, and someone online who I talked to about smaller stuff, but I don't like bothering people. Especially since my comic is sooo... my comic. Lmao!

Gosh, I would be the perfect person for someone to confide in about their comic, I would totally forget about the spoilers after waking up the next day.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Tbh I don't mind if a story is spoiled to me. I'm the type of person who is like "okay so that's how it ends? How does it get there?" and I would be more upset if the creator spills those important parts that reach the end result. Though, when explaining my comic plots and details to my irl friends and beta readers, it's more of a planning session than things said in stone. Basically if it's something that I've not written down and could be a spoiler, yet I talk about it and those spoiler squeals aren't in the final scripts though. If it's an important detail and is a spoiler, I will withhold that information till the time comes.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I don't know what I'd think because I've never seen a webcomic I liked share spoilers before. I get the feeling that a "serious" writer would keep their twists private because they know they can show their plot better than they can tell it, if that makes sense. Even Sfeer Theory, a comic I really like that iirc did much of its brainstorming online, shut down their old worldbuilding posts once they got their actual comic started.

varethane

Personally, I'm not hugely opposed to spoilers, though it depends on the context. A lot of new webcomics when they're just started out will often only be able to market themselves with illustrations of scenes or dynamics that haven't quite happened yet, just by virtue of being so early on, and that's fine-- though increasingly less necessary the more Comic is released. The only kind of spoiler I might be actively mad about is if a comic whose appeal hingest largely on a central mystery or suspense spoiled The Answer, but I feel like most of the writers creating stories like that are conscious of this and keep that sort of thing under lock. There's also a big reason why I personally try not to share spoilers (and why I try not to put much stock by any spoilers I see posted by other webcomic creators, in case their process is like mine)-- which is that, basically anything that is more than a month ahead of the pages I've already drawn, is very likely to change substantially. I rewrite future plot points all the dang time. So if I shared something as a 'spoiler', there's only a 50/50 chance of that plot point actually coming to pass (unless it's one of the 4/5 big central plot linchpins); any readers waiting for it may come away disappointed, lol.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Def agree with Vare on this one. However, sometimes when a writer tells details to the point of no surprise in the comic whatsoever, that usually breaks immersion and interest for me. I've had a couple stories stagnate from having their plots revealed by the writer, and when the story hinges on that being a selling point, it tends to be very dissapointing to have done. Unless the story is character driven/ has characters charming enough to capture readers, i would def avoid spoiling the main plot points of the story if they can

eli [a winged tale]

I feel like anything in act 1 is technically not a spoiler since in books, the blurb encompasses act 1 even the beginning of act 2.

RebelVampire

Once again I'm popping in here to remind people this chat is primarily to talk about experiences as a reader, not as a creator. So let's not go too far into creator territory here.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

It's hard to say how I'd feel because I don't really see writers post, like "X dies in the end" or whatever. Like it's not that common an occurrence, at least for comics I follow. What is common in my experience is creators posting ship art for characters that haven't shown up yet (thus spoiling that these are characters who will show up at some point, and at least have some interaction with each other). And with regards to that... I dunno. Like, my mentality as a reader/watcher of things is that a character doesn't "exist" until I see them in the story. Like, if I see a character in an anime OP, I'll be like "oh that character looks cool, I can't wait until I meet them". That is, I don't consider myself as having "met" them yet - I need the story as context. (for the record, that's true for me as a creator too - i know plenty of creators figure out their OCs' personality & backstory first before figuring out what sort of story they work in, and that's valid, but I can't imagine working like that) So anyway, to me creators posting OC art before they appear in the story is less "oh, i've been spoiled on what these OCs will do" and more "oh, i can't wait to read the story that these characters are involved in"

[wintersoldeer]

ok here's some totally incoherent thoughts about endgame that i just have to write down or i might explode spoilers: i loved it also actual spoilers spoilers very spoilery spoilers

1. Steve and the goddddamn mjölnir!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!! when thor, iron man and cap were like 'aw yeahhh we're gonna fight thanos' i was like what the heckie is steve even doing there, supersoldier or not he's just a human. then thor drops his hammer and i’m like oh my gods please literally crossing my fingers. then thor’s fight is not going so well and oh no he definitely needs someone to save him! i’m like ohhhhhmygooddss. and THEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR YEARS HELL YEAHHHHH

2. steve & peggy dance. yes. just yes. fucking finally. i love it. it was perfect i cried

3. clint should’ve died. (finally haha) he was my fave since before the avengers and i was so sure he was going to die back then, but then he didn’t and look what’s became of him since.......... i had a violent flashback to watching age of ultron for the first time and for the first time just hoping that my fave character (that would be clint) would just die, bc they’re screwing his character over so badly........ and most definitely it. should.  not. have. been. natasha. who. died.  that was such a bullshit i mean WHAT THE FUCK????  i mean maybe clint and natasha were the only remaining avengers that actually loved each other (?¿¿????¿¿¿?¿ tho that’s just flimsy, i’m just trying to....idek) and that’s why it had to be them on that stupid fuckin death cliff, but why did natasha have to die?? just because clint had a family (still with no actual characterization, not that i even care, or maybe i would if the movies had given me any reason to...) to return to and she didn’t??that fucking sucks and what sucks even more is that not only was natasha the only character that died (i’m not even counting tony, bc that was very Different) but she’s the only original female avenger AND it’s the same stupd fucking rock that the only original female gotg gamora died in such a bullshit way just last movie??? goddddd i hated that so much like maybe if she hadn’t been the first one to die and all the original avengers would’ve died as was i kinda hoping (tho i love happy endings so i didn’t actually hope that it would happen..), maybe then i would be okay with her being dead. now i am very much not okay, and that means very much not okay in a angry way, not in a sad way

4. speaking of death: to me tony’s was perfect. i might not be the biggest fan of how he always got the most screentime and a bigger role than other characters, but i can’t deny that he definitely is the heart of the whole mcu and it had to be him who saves the day in the end and what else could it have been that a very tony-like self-sacrifice..... god i cried. i loved that he got a funeral (even tho natasha didn’t...) and i loved his funeral with all the people and fricking harley and then the kid saying how much she likes cheeseburgers and the frickin ‘proof that tony stark has a heart’ and sfghkklkghhhh

5. i gasped audibly when i noticed that natasha was wearing the arrow necklace

6. i kinda forgot that vision ever even existed..... in the end i first thought that wanda was talking about pietro and then i was like ok well maybe not maybe she’s talking about tony or something WHICH MAKES NO SENSE LOL i don’t even remember what she actually said, but as was pointed out to me, she was probably talking about vision. who was a thing that existed... whoops

7. ugh i hate brucenat, i really thought we were over that shit already. i also very much disliked that they actually decided to go with professor hulk, but idk w/e i don’t care that much. but natasha’s death sucked tho and the one thing i do not want to see is bruce’s pain or whatever when the movie didn’t even give me the time or reason to actually grieve for her goddd that whole thing was such a bullshit

8. i did not like that thor was treated as a joke most of his screentime........

9. that stevepeggy dance tho. love it. it’ll probably take me at least another seven years to get over it

10. i fricking adored the whole going back in time thing, especially the 2012. the callbacks and the humor really worked for me, the elevator scene straight from cap2 but reversed and hail hydra and steve fighting steve and loki’s expressions when things go wrong and goddhhh i loved it all aaaaaaa, that was the moment when i was like ok i need to see this movie again immediately.... also the fact that their time travel rules were that they were just creating new paths or w/e i guess, and not actually changing what happened to them specifically... good. so many aus

11. that final battle was so perfectly epic

12. tho shouldn’t valkyrie’s (who really just doesn’t have a real name, now does she..) horse have died after being shot haha

13. i loved that clint had the gauntlet for so long, like he’s definitely the Least Qualified Person to keep it safe, why would that be his job, it was amazing

14. i hated natasha’s death with burning passion, but i loved how she and clint fought each other over who gets to throw themselves off that cliff. tho i really hoped that their ‘yeahh we know what we have to do’ would’ve rather meant that they decided to just throw red skull down bc who even knows if it even actually needs love sacrifice or w/e, a soul is a soul is a soul

15. i loved the human jarvis whatever-his-first-name-was cameo and i really need to finally watch/rewatch agent carter

16. i really liked the tony howard scene even if i thought it felt a bit iffy, bc i feel like there’s so much more to unpack w/ those daddy issues.... but maybe that scene means that there is that one universe where howard was actually a good dad. i want to believe that. yeah. (maybe not but let me dream)

17. i like how they totally forgot that sharon carter ever even existed

18. damn that moment when black panther comes through that portal

19. damn that moment when gi ant-man is giant

20. damn that final battle was so epic

21. damn that steve with mjölnir

22. this movie was SO GOOD when it was good and so mehhh when it was bad, and i’m really glad that it was just good enough that i can forgive overlook all of its flaws. (tho i will not forgive what they did to natasha, even if i can mostly ignore it when thinking about how good most of the rest of the movie was) but idk if it would’ve been perfect, maybe i wouldn’t have survived like there’s this One Huge Thing (natasha) that really brings down the movie that otherwise would’ve been just Amazing

23. i don’t know if my heart has ever beaten as fast as when steve finally picks up the hammer. never while watching a movie, at least

24. i love that carol has her short haircut, bc it bothered me so much in cpn marvel that she should not have been able to see anything when her hair was just constantly on her face haha

25. i feel nothing but seething resentment towards clint’s stupid family and that stupid family man role he is stuck with

26. why was natasha’s hair so weird and ugly. why can’t it just be red??

27. clint’s hair was weird and ugly too and i think i have finally kinda given up on mcu!clint (tho he has those small Very Good moments and i cry for what could’ve been.....we could’ve have it aaaaaalllll.... i think i’m going to watch swat (2003) again and still pretend it’s the clint backstory movie i deserve haha, it’s been ages since i’ve seen it idk if it would still work for me, i’m gonna try)

28. i love nebula tho

29. i loved the trip down memory lane! frigga!!!! the way the continuation of the avengers capturing loki just felt so natural and like it probably happened just like that! nebula and rhodey judging quill’s singing and dancing haha yes! everything! just as i was hoping it would be!

30. doesn’t really have anything to do with this movie but: i still firmly believe that coulson never died. i still firmly believe that pietro never died. 

31. falcon cap helll yeah!!

32. i guess i’ll never get my strike team delta movie with clintasha best friends soulmates and with buckynat and the red room.........  goddd there really should’ve been a black widow movie after cap2. like that was The Perfect Spot for a black widow movie, it’s really a crime that there isn’t one, and even if they make a black widow movie now, it’ll definitely be too little too late.

33. like..... a for effort..... for that female heroes girl power.... ughhhh.... scene, i guess, but that. does. not. cut. it. when you have just killed natasha

34. things i really wished they would say in some perfect moments: “hail hydra” “avengers assemble!” “i am iron man”. things they did say in those moments: “hail hydra” “avengers assemble” “i am iron man”, gogssgddd that was perfect (ok i also really did wish steve would’ve said the “i could do this all day” in the fight but couldn’t say bc the movie had just made fun of that.. i’m kinda sad but haha it’s not that big of a deal, maybe if he hadnt said it in civil war which i dont like but well...)

35. haha people are already complaining about the steve going back thing and how it’s definitely not moving on and erasing character development or whatever and HA. i finally got my stevepeggy dance i don’t care about anything else i am so happy!!!!!

36. i am so glad i managed to avoid any spoilers bc i hear that there was some pretty massive ones going around??¿?¿?

37. also: ok from here on out i am not here for any of you negative nancys complaining (probably very reasonable complaints idec) about the movie, god i really wish it was 2012 again

38. in final thoughts: i absolutely loved it and i love that it turns out that i’m apparently still very much marvel trash........ if natasha hadn’t died, especially in such a bullshit way, i would’ve been able to overlook everything else that was kinda meh about the movie and just purely and blindly loved it. i still did love it, a lot, but now there’s that bitter aftertaste.....

ok now, maybe that’s enough rambling and repeating myself....... i’m going to need to see it again asap

//EDIT

39. I FORGOT TO MENTION IT BC I FORGOT ABOUT IT but goooooooooodddd i loved nebula and tony playing that game in the beginning and tony letting nebula win ääääää

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #208

Don’t forget to vote on the season 7 polls!!

BTVS 7x21 End of Days

Stray thoughts

1) So this is how Faith is doing as the leader…

…and this is how Buffy is doing as the outcast Slayer…

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder who’s the boss… (maybe we should ask Abed.)

2) I don’t like seeing Faith hurt, but I do get a very sick (I admit it) satisfaction at seeing all these girls hurt and scared because they kicked Buffy out and they screwed everything up in the worst possible fashion. I know that by having Faith lead them into yet another trap the writers were trying to prove the point that what happened at the vineyard could’ve happened to anyone and that it wasn’t Buffy’s fault (Buffy will make this same point herself later on the episode.) Both Buffy and Faith were trying to do what they thought was best, yet it backfired. Shit happens yada yada yada. Yet I just can’t help but feel personally vindicated when I see Faith and the potentials fuck everything up so spectacularly.

On the other hand, not only was Buffy able to pull herself together after the group (and her friends! Her family!) kicked her out and made her feel like the worst piece of shit in the whole world, but she also managed to A) get the scythe and B) make Caleb nervous, which was a first. So yeah. #teamBuffy

3) So why exactly were the Scoobies looking for Buffy? I mean, didn’t they kick her out literally the day before? And now they’re suddenly worried about her or something? The only person who followed Buffy after they all kicked her out was Faith. Faith! Do you see how wrong/ironic that this? Do you see how painful it must’ve been for Buffy not to have NONE OF HER FRIENDS – not Xander, not Willow, not Giles, not even her own sister! – go after her to see if she was okay? To ask her where she was going or what she was going to do? The only person who showed any concern whatsoever about her was probably the only person she would’ve labeled a potential enemy. 

Damn you all, I’m still pissed off. I hate this. I hate having to feel this way about the characters I’ve loved for seven seasons in the FINAL EPISODES OF THE SHOW. It just feels so wrong, but I can’t help but HATE THEM. What the hell was this fucking writing choice? I hate it. I hate everything about it.

4) If I have to say something in favor of Kennedy is this, when shit hit the fan, she was the only one who wasn’t screaming like a moron and who was actually trying to fight off the Turok-Han. So yeah. The girl got spunk.

5) But she’s nothing compared to our designated BAMF.

6) No one is kicking Buffy out now, HUH? HUH???????????????????

7)

Yes. Yes, you did.

8) And this is exactly why they shouldn’t have kicked her out or “rebelled” against her or whatever the fuck they thought they were doing.

BUFFY You guys, it was a trap. It's not her fault. That could've just as easily happened to me.

9) While I do appreciate the pun and the side glances between Buffy and Willow…

I still feel it’s very wrong they’re all just talking and Giles is playing around with the scythe as if the last time they’d been together they HADN’T HUMILIATED BUFFY AND KICKED HER OUT OF HER OWN FUCKING HOUSE???? LIKE SERIOUSLY??? In Willow’s own words, you're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.

Like, I know the apocalypse takes precedence, but maybe say “sorry for kicking you out” and “thank you for saving us AGAIN”.

10)

11) Again, I get the same feeling with Xander. Like, did they all suddenly forget they had left Buffy alone and kicked her out of her own house? Xander is all like, “I don’t need you to protect me just because I lost an eye” but literally a day before he was telling her it was HER fault he’d lost it, and using that as a justification not only for removing her from her role as a leader but also TO KICK HER OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE. And now it’s just like nothing ever happened? How is that possible? How is literally no one apologizing to Buffy? And not only is he not apologizing, but Buffy is telling him that he’s her heart and the reason she’s still alive, which okay, it’s all kind of true, but he’s also the guy WHO BLAMED YOU FOR LOSING HIS EYE AND WHO KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE THE DAY BEFORE?!

I didn’t know that End of Days could make me as angry as Empty Places but here I am.

We’re 14 minutes into the episode and still, no one has apologized to Buffy and they’re all pretending like they didn’t turn their backs on her and it’s pissing me off. I hate feeling this way in the episode prior to the series finale. This is not how a fan should be feeling right before the show ends!

12) Not only do I know what a glottal stop is but I’ve also learned how to pronounce it. Or at least I was able to pronounce it a few years ago. 

13) And hence the fate of Miss Kitty Fantastico was finally revealed…

DAWN Xander, my crossbow is not out here. I told you, I don't leave crossbows around all willy-nilly. Not since that time with Miss Kitty Fantastico.

If you must hate Dawn, it should only be for this.

14) Did anyone really believe Xander would hurt Dawn?

15) What was the point of this scene…?

…I mean, other than to give us Nathan Fillion’s orgasm face?

16) And this is the difference between Buffy and the rest… just remember how everyone reacted and treated Buffy after the vineyard, and see how she acts here after literally the same happened with Faith in charge…

FAITH What do you want me to say? I blew it.

BUFFY You didn't blow it.

FAITH Tell that to—

BUFFY People die. You lead them into battle, they're gonna die. It doesn't matter how ready you are or how smart you are. War is about death. Needless, stupid death.

She’s understanding and reassuring, she’s not pointing fingers or kicking people out. And that’s why she’s a hero and the rest are a fucking bunch of morons. I’m sorry, I’m still so angry about Empty Places and this episode is not making things any better.

17) But I do love when my two slayers see eye to eye…

FAITH So, here's the laugh riot. My whole life I've been a loner.(…) No ties, no buddies, no relationships that lasted longer than... (…) Me, by myself all the time. I'm looking at you, everything you have, and, I don't know, jealous. Then there I am. Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life.

BUFFY Yeah.

FAITH And that's you every day, isn't it?

BUFFY I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a slayer.

FAITH There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together.

BUFFY Also, you went evil and were killing people.

FAITH Good point. Also a factor.

BUFFY But you're right. I mean, I... I guess everyone's alone. But being a slayer? There's a burden we can't share.

FAITH And no one else can feel it. Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.

BUFFY Takes the edge off.

FAITH Comforting.

BUFFY Mm-hmm.

This is something that had been a long time coming. Since day one, Faith had envied Buffy. Just like Buffy saw in Faith her road not taken, Faith saw in Buffy the life she could’ve had but didn’t. She envied it and she wanted it for herself. She literally tried to steal it away several times. So if she couldn’t have it, if it wasn’t meant for her, then she could take Buffy away from it, drive her to the dark side, where she lived. Every attempt was futile, even stealing Buffy’s body and literally taking her life. It only made her feel more undeserving, more inadequate, more unworthy. But every time she’d taken a shot at being the leader, it was by playing tricks, by taking what it wasn’t rightfully hers. This time around, she had somehow earned it. There was no foul play on her part. Others made the decision for her and gave her the role she’d craved for so long. And she finally understood that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Yes, Buffy did have friends and people who looked up to her and cared about her. But when push comes to shove, when tough calls must be made, the Slayer is always alone. The weight of the world is only on her shoulders, and she can’t share the burden. It took four seasons but Faith finally got it. And she could finally let go of all the envy and jealousy.

18) I just love the fact that for the first time Buffy is the one who opens up to Spike. She’s always been the one who pretends there’s nothing between them and who skirts around her feelings and dismisses his. But not this time. And for me, it was enough that she acknowledged that it meant something, even if they – and we – don’t know exactly what that was.

BUFFY You're a dope.

SPIKE I'm a what?

BUFFY You're a dope. And a bonehead. And you're shirty.

SPIKE Have you gone completely carrot-top?

BUFFY Do you see this? This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. Look, I am tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals. You know, I have Faith for that. Let's just get to the truth here, OK? I don't know how you felt about last night, but I will not—

SPIKE Terrified.

BUFFY Of what?

SPIKE Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.

BUFFY Spike...

SPIKE It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but—

BUFFY I just told you it did.

SPIKE Yeah... I hear you say it, but... I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but... I've never... been close... to anyone. Least of all, you. 'Til last night. All I did was... hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah... I'm... terrified.

BUFFY You don't have to be.

SPIKE Were you there with me?

BUFFY I was.

SPIKE What does that mean?

BUFFY I don't know. Does it have to mean something?

SPIKE No. Not right now.

19) Update: 29 minutes in and I’m still waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

20) Am I the only who thinks this speech is okay but like, the writers were trying too hard to give Anya her “Anya Speech Moment” of the season and it kind of feels a bit, I don’t know, forced?

ANYA Well...I guess I was...kinda new to bein' around humans before. But now I've... seen a lot more, gotten to know people... seen what they're capable of, and... I guess I just realized...how amazingly screwed-up they all are. I mean really, really screwed-up in a monumental fashion. And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die...which they...they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane. And yet, here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do. They never... never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too.

21) #priorities

22) And in another episode of Plots Totally Pulled Out of the Writer’s Ass… (a.k.a. Joss Whedon Tries to Rectify the Fact that He Wrote a Bunch of Men Violating the Original Slayer by Putting a Demon Inside of Her and Thus Utterly Destroyed the Whole Slayerness Equals Feminism Theme)

WOMAN We forged it in secrecy and kept it hidden from the Shadow Men, who...

BUFFY Yeah. Met those guys. Didn't really care too much for 'em.

WOMAN Ahh, yes. Then you know. And they became the watchers. And the watchers watched the slayers. But we were watching them.

BUFFY Oh! So you're like... what are you?

WOMAN Guardians. Women who want to help and protect you. We forged this centuries ago, halfway around the world.

Okay, I get it, I get what you were trying to do, but it was so fucking obvious, it was so transparent. Like, I know most of the so-called metaphors in this show were not so subtle (think the fucking monster-penis in Doublemeat Palace, for instance.) But the feminist struggle in the slayer vs the council struggle was always something that I personally enjoyed. And this is how Joss’s brand of “feminism” began to crumble down, in my opinion. This is what a white dude who is a self-proclaimed feminist believes to be a Good feminist storyline, but it’s so clichéd and self-evident it's almost cringe-worthy. Like, you get a bunch of Evil Men quite literally raping a Poor Woman, who is faked Empowered (her powers were lent to her by the Evil Men and the source of her powers is Evil, Demonic in nature because  duh! she is a Woman)  so that they can Manipulate her and Use her for the benefit of the Patriarchy. But oh wait! This is a Feminist Show! So in spite of what the Evil Men who were supposedly the Powerful ones did, there always were These Great and Powerful Women behind it all, the True Guardians of the Slayer, This has been a Matriarchy all along, you see?! PLOT TWIST!

Yawn.

The worst part? I can imagine all the writers patting themselves on the back for writing such a groundbreaking and Feminist storyline and for sticking it to the Men.

23) And btw, just to show you how big a Feminist Show this is, we get this…

I guess since this is a Feminist Show and Angel is the hero here and Buffy the damsel in distress, that makes Angel a woman, right?

But hey, at least he (or she?) literally let Buffy deliver the lethal blow…

24) And yes, this totally makes sense!

because Angel has not claimed to be in love with Cordelia and Buffy has not just had her more honest heart-toheart with Spike. Let’s just disregard whatever arcs have been developed in both shows in order to deliver a Ship Moment for the Bangel fans, right? Who cares about character development, right? Because I’m positive this is what former lovers do after not seeing each other in over a year, being currently emotionally unavailable, and facing the greatest evil of all. Suck face.

25) Update: minute 42 and I’m STILL waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

26) Sorry for the bitter rant! 

27)  If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[unravelling-the-world]

I was trying my best, and another friend who always took pictures of us (we took pics of him as well dw) documented all of those moments, i even used a not-permanent spray color hair for that day just so the pictures could be special. I didn't particularly like myself, I never did ,but I was too busy to think about it. When i went out, i felt decent at least. Binder, thick under-eye red/black liner, just the perfect e-boy look i wanted. I felt that, as a pre-hrt person, I was looking as masc as I could while doing the style that makes me comfortable and I want to achieve. I was doing my best everytime we went out to look presentable in the pictures, and I did well 9/10 times. At some point, there was a light festival as well. I went with one friends and my cousin and we had fun. My friend and I took pictures, my cousin didn't want hers taken but we still interacted a lot and had fun, I loved the pics of that day. I never got to post them, because my downfall came soon after. At that point in time, I was finally living the dream. I posted frequently on ig (bc i went out frequently) and even though i wasn't anyone big, no partnerships or anything, not even 1k followers, I was growing, and having been intoxicated by fame at age 12, it was just what I needed. My posts started getting 70 likes on average and 7-10 comments, i only had 500 followers but they were growing at an average of 20 followers/month. A lil tween reached out to me and told me he thought I was really cool and was my fan. Bro, that was awesome. Things were moving forward, and altough i felt afraid of the future, I was working on it all. I was making progress in other aspects as well,having come out formally recently and with help from my psychologist, we were going to start looking into hrt, and i just couldn't believe it. I only have read fast and short info. I never really wanted to inform myself more because deep within me I was just afraid I'd never be able to get it and get my hopes up for nothing. We appointed a session to talk about that. This was march, and at my house, we watched a Japanese channel (because we are all interested in Japanese culture and such) So I knew the coronavirus was coming. They started talking about it since the start, in december, obviously, because they are way closer to where the virus started so it spread faster there. I remember it was on a cruise first. I knew it would eventually arrive here, so through all summer i told my mother "it's only a matter of time." I knew it'd come. March was here, and the last time i went out with my friends came along. Inside my head, I felt like I knew that was the last time. I had thoughts about "I wonder if i'll ever get to see a sight like this again". I managed to take some pictures, because,inside me, I knew that was the last time. I wanted to preserve the memory of it. I didn't want to forget. At the time, with a friend, who took the same metro line as me but lives further away, since it was just us two, when saying goodbye we'd always say "see you in five minutes" (like in endgame, because i told her the whole movie and told her when they said that and then black widow died) and she LAUGHED so hard and it became an ongoing joke between us (we are both kinda suicidal ngl but we just laugh abt it.) We said it that day as well, but we actually never saw each other again lmao

At that point, in the country, there were about 4 covid cases. Only 1 in the capital, so it had started, but was only just the start. When I got home, i kind of knew that was the last. My classes started, and for two weeks, it was hell on earth. Online,obviously. I got paired up with the guy I hated the most in the entire generation (I only knew half of them, and liked even fewer, but this guy. fuck. i would have killed him. he was awful.) Anyways. Yeah. But at the end, classes got postponed until further notice. So I was now a Neet! For a while, even though coronavirus was getting worse and worse here as everywhere, I was doing good. I was living the introvert dream, and since I have a decent/good relationship with my parents and grandma, life was just great. All around me I saw everyone struggle with quarantine. I was having a blast. Playing sims, watching anime, anything went. Shit was great. Got Gta V for free when epic released it, and had a blast. Got obsessed with obey me for a while. It was all fun.... Met via discord with my friends. Almost daily with certain friends, once in a while with others, but the whole group would be together at least once. It was good, for me. I felt good. I would ocassionally wake up and tell my mother that I was happy, and hug her. I don't think i'd ever done that. I was at peak, and I knew it. Drew a lot, played a lot. Did a lot of things and projects. Everything felt ok...My dysphoria wasn't great during these times (since now i stay in pajamas all day except when I use camara to meet with friends, and obviously I dont wear my binder with my pajamas) But i had so much free time, that I could just ignore it. (I'm good at avoiding things. at running away.)

Classes started June 1st. First day, I had a breakdown. I don't remember why, but I couldn't connect to class. I felt overwhelmed. I don't know and don't like asking for help because i feel useless when I do. So I didn't. Apparently I seemed more upset than I thought, because my dad noticed. When comforted or confronted, I always cry. I can't talk about my feelings without crying. I feel weak for expressing them. Even writing this, i feel the knot in my neck. My dad saw and ended up helping and comforting. I cried a lot. I went to class, but spent the whole 3 hours of class crying. Things were unstable for a while, but I was keeping afloat, I guess. I started feeling like shit, I wasn't happy daily anymore. Online learning felt so distant and so difficult and so different. I don't like change. At least not without expecting it beforehand. So yeah, that ended up taking a toll on my mental health. The downfall started. I was quite busy, but still tried to meet with friends via discord whenever we could. We had some online birthdays, and season 3 of osomatsu san had already been announced. I was looking forward to it so much. I was in pain, but that thought was keeping me going. I started getting worse, mentally. I started isolating myself ocasionally. I have quite long gaps from this period. I can't really recall much of what happened or what it was like. At some point around August-September I was watching 6teen, because my uni decided that starting a semester and compressing it into a trimester was a good idea, and finals were in september, i think. At the time of finals, i was watching 6teen. I didn't wanna finish it, so I started total drama after. I had a week of vacation in September as well, and I think I was OK for the week.

I won't lie. I don't remember october. I only know Osomatsu-san started here bc I waited for it all year long. I regained closer contact with a friend who lives in japan. Halloween also had an online meeting. I cosplayed, and felt good with myself for the night, for the first time in months. But I ended up having a breakdown later that night. A friend who didn't come and had said he'd come ended up arriving very late (2-3AM ish, meeting was at 10PM) He was very drunk. I don't mind. He says he just came to say sorry he didn't come bc he ended up meeting with irls. We tell him it's ok. He disconnects. He reconnects not long after, but we are confused, since that's not his voice. It was his friend who took his phone, a classic party prank. Doesn't matter, it was fun for a bit. This guy is also mad drunk, so talking to him is weird and funny. But shit gets bad for me in a bit. I was using a voice changer, as I usually do online, because Im ashamed of my high pitched voice. But this guy misgenders me, more than once, and also my friend who lives in japan. He doesn't seem to care, and I act like I don't, but it hurts so bad. My other friend who was there at that time corrects him, more than once. I felt thankful to her. I never thanked her afterwards because I didn't know how to bring out that topic without crying. This guy is very drunk though, and altough i doubt he had vile intentions because of the way he phrased it, he insists, that those are womans voices. They talk about it a bit, verbal comebacks. I wanted them to stop. At some point, my friend who lives in Japan leaves bc its lunch time for him. I felt like shit. I just told this other guy "I'm 10" and he dropped the subject, he believed me and the explanation. My friend laughed her ass out, because she thought I said it as a joke. Truth is, that was just a desperate answer to get him to drop the topic. I dont really care if he believed I was 10 or not though. I just wanted it to stop. He jokes with my friend for a bit more. I didn't talk much after, because I felt ashamed. I didn't want to talk ever again. Even now, even with the voice changer, I don't have the confidence I had when I started using it. I have lowered the pitch twice, just in case. My friend left the call a bit later. When she left, I left as well. I was thankful to her though. I don't remember if i cried or not, but it caused me a massive breakdown for about two weeks. I didn't talk online with anyone until my birthday, I think. I didn't tell anyone but my psychologist this.

I don't remember November much either. I know it's my birthday, and I know I came back to tumblr in november. Yall know when. Canon destiel and shit. Tumblr hadn't felt so alive in years. It felt like home. I remember I was having a bad breakdown during that time. I think it was career related. I can't really remember much. The shitshow happening on tumblr Destiel Election actually helped me get better. I remember this only because of a conversation I had with a friend. I started working on christmas decorations as well. December came along, I worked hard on christmas decorations. I played a bit as well, because on some of my classes I just didn't have anything to do lol. Decorations were finished two weeks in advance for christmas. For the first time ever! I was happy. During these times,Nov-Dec lockdowns started easing up a bit. I still can't go out at all though, because I live with my grandmother, so we're supposed to minimize risks. My parents only go out for shopping essentials that can't be bought online. So it's fair and I understand it, but it started becoming hard on mental health. Not because I can't go out, but because my friends start going out. They know I can't go, they don't exclude me, but they know I can't and I also know I can't. I guess in a form, its jealousy. It becomes hard because there's no one to blame. It's no one's fault. I'm not excluded on purpose, but the truth is, I don't want to hear them talk about what they do when they have fun. I've always been insecure. Even when all evidence points otherwise, I still believe, deep inside,they hate me. They wish I weren't in the group and would be better off without me. It gets hard sometimes.

Even though in general December was quite good, it also came with a major breakdown. One of my best friend's bday is in December. Up until then, Me, her, and another friend had been playing league of legends nearly daily. It was toxic sometimes (the game/community, not my friends) but we had fun. I just liked playing together. But that would come to an end as well. My friend celebrated her birthday, and did invite me, but obviously I couldn't go,and she knew this beforehand, so she didn't get mad or anything. She handled the situation very well, wrote on the gc once, and then did a special gc for birthday attendants to talk about details there and such, and reminded friends who asked in the gc to talk in the birthday gc. (this is how i knew, but i think it was well done tbh, i wish they'd just asked in the bday gc instead so i wouldn't have seen it and felt bad about how i couldn't go) My friend also offered to have me as an online guest, like, being in videocall in the computer on the table. like Karen from spongebob ig. the idea was cool, but honestly i felt bad. She celebrates her bday with her gf bc their dates are near, and I just didn't really want to inconvenience them? I mean, her gf is cool and she used to hang out with our group ocassionaly and she was cool and fit in, and it never felt awkward talking to her irl or anything but it's not like she's my friend and honestly I didn't wanna inconvenience her party, and even though I'm sure my friend wouldn't have minded, I didn't want to be an extra inconvenience for her too. I just wanted her to have fun, honestly. But feeling like a burden ended up weighing on my mind. This caused a bad bad breakdown, beforehand I had started to become better,little by little, but these two weeks waiting for that event to happen felt like a nightmare to me. I didn't tell anyone. I think i wrote it about here once. Around this time, an account on instagram called "matsunoadvice" got reccomended to me, and Oh boy Have I gone to them for advice. Of course, I sent them a message at the time, desperate for someone to talk to, because I couldn't tell anyone about this, because all my other friends know each other kinda and i didn't wanna inconvenience everyone. I didn't want anyone to know i felt like shit. I felt thankful to my friend, because she did try her best to include me, I just didn't really wanna inconvenience anyone. I guess I'd rather suffer alone myself than being a pain in the ass for someone else. After all, I've accepted that I'm alone long ago, and since now there's nothing I can do to maintain my social relationships now,I may as well just accept that theyre ending now. I kind of isolated myself for those two weeks, sometimes i would still connect on discord, but it always felt kind of distant. I stopped playing league of legends around this time.

I still hadn't confirmed to my friend if i was virtually going or not. Truth is, i kind of knew I probably wouldn't want to go in the end, bc im Like That™ But i told her in advance that i'd let her know the date of the event early in the day because of how unstable I am and I wouldn't actually be sure until the day (which was true when I told her) So the day of the event i told her that I was thankful but I wouldn't be assisting virtually and told her to have a great day! She replied okay in a nice way as she always did. I don't think she seemed weirded out by my answer. I hope she didn't feel bad, because she's very empathetic so I hope she didn't think about me at all that day. I hope she never reads this, and even if she does, she didn't really do anything wrong and handed the situation the best she could, the pain was unevitable for me due to the situation. beforehand i had also had a similar breakdown though, because 3 friends who i was/am? still very close to started meeting each other to skate together. I don't know how to skate/have never skated and obviously can't go either way, and sometimes they'd talk about it in the vc. I remained calm always until the call ended,but I did cry about it late at night. It's selfish, of course, but when no one saw anyone, it was easier. we were all the same. But now it felt like they were all moving on without me. In a way, it's what I always wanted, but I always wished to die first. I know it's not sane, but i'd imagined situations like that in my head, where I die and then everyone moved on and it made me feel calmer. But seeing that unfold before my eyes, when i'm still breathing here, i'm still here. It felt lonely. I'm glad they're having fun. I'm just upset I can't do it as well? And it makes me feel like inevitably my relationships with them will break and fall apart and dissapear and they're all still gonna be a interwined network, even though I did everything I could to maintain it because it's all I've ever had outside of my direct family? I didn't make any friends at uni or have a different group of friends so it just...hurt? It still hurts, i'm just more used to it. Also after the bday i did try to connect in vc but it just made me worse, like a friend said like "noo it got too wild honestly u didnt miss anything" and i was like lmao ok but i felt like kinda sad anyways but if i was there i wouldve probably slept through it anyways

...after i felt awful bc i have another friend who is just kinda blunt and kinda dumb when it comes to how others feel, and he was like ohh yeah but after the bday [friend] took us and some of [friends gf's friends] to our houses and since it was early we went to a mcdonalds and it was so fun !! and it was just so uncomfortable bc obviously im glad you have fun but like i dont wanna know??? bc it hurts a fuckin lot???? and my other friend who was also in vc (he was the one w the car) he was like "haha yeaaa it was fun" but he seemed quite uncomfortable talking abt it he could probably tell i didnt wanna hear and ik my other friend only did it bc he's naive not bc he had bad intentions but yeah it sucked i was like haha thats great heh.....like what ya want me to say babe

Christmas arrived and it ended up helping me a lot. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I decorated a month in advance, baked cookies for the first time (with my mom) and we just did a lot of things this year. It made me happy and kept me occupied through the pain (I know i described a lot of pain here but I only paid attention to it at night, which is why it still hurts now probably bc i've had it all repressed) And of course the gifts, honestly I didn't know what to expect because this year I didn't really know what to ask for and just asked for a surprise (because i love receiving things! anything) And my dad definetely outdid himself with all the gifts, I loved them and they're all useful too! I was amazed and i told my friends abt it and it ended up in me talking more in the vc again, and i also started playing genshin impact in late december as well. We also held a secrer santa in the group but not everyone participated (mostly bc of money) but the 4 of us that did was fun! i knew everyone's secret santa bc 2/4 asked to me for help and they were mutual </3 so i knew me and my other friend were mutual too lol but it was cool. I kinda was a bitch a bit though bc he delievered my gift to my home and was going to come a random day and I just wasn't prepared bc I was afraid of seeing him honestly I didn't want to see him and I hoped he wouldn't come? He didn't come that day but he did come some days after, I truly wasn't ready at that point anyway and my mom said we could let him inside if he sanitized, but he came with his mother and didn't get out of the car, we just exchanged the gifts, and honestly I was glad, i was polite and just said hi to both and thanks and all! Obviously i love him a lot bc we're close but idk why i didnt want him to come into my house i just feel like im so boring now and I dont know what we couldve talked abt and honestly ive always been shy but now i just forgot how to socialize and i was terrified so when he didnt get out i was just glad.....well, also

I feel like all of these incidents separated me and my friend who had her birthday on december. Now she wouldn't join the vc or gc often (or say she couldn't, which she usually did before) so I just assumed she hated me, but i didn't really have the guts to ask? She still liked my memes on the gc sometimes but not as she used to, she always used to like every single meme (or nearly all) and she never talked over me (I always get talked over except when I'm drunk bc i become a bit less shy therefore more violent) and would even call others out for me when talked over and always respected everything i told her abt me (Through the years, i've told her some of my deepest shits bc i just trust her like that i dont mind if she knows) but it just felt distant? Also a bit before that, at the start of december we started streaming on twitch, and that week i was very bad I told her i wouldn't play much bc i wasnt doing well but I was up for streaming bc i rly wanted to be professional abt it even if we dont pursue it as a career, but in the end we didnt stream, and fell out of streaming a bit after that. I was kind of afraid to ask her if she wanted to stream again, but we'd talked once and she said she'd finally gotten the cat earphones for the streams (she mentioned she wanted them beforehand) yeah anyways i dont think she actually hates hates me but idk the idea still lingers in my mind

uh yeah also i felt like shit for a bit bc i thought she definetely hated me bc we hadnt talked in a bit and she didnt like my memes anymore so i just assumed the worst, i even listened to break up music (which is what i do when a friendship ends bc altough ive never rly had strong romantic feelings for anyone that kind of song helps me move on after friend breakups too bc no one warns you abt how painful these are) and i cried obviously, but again i never mentioned it to anyone (i made a few vague textposts here though) and just got my shit together even if it hurt? lol, well a bit of time passes and everything seems to go back to normal, i dont remember how she told us but she said she had a job now which is why she didnt connect much and slept earlier and i felt relief lol bc i legit thought she hated me and i felt like shit abt it lol i mean the idea they kinda hate me lingers in my mind all the time but at that point in life i was like. SURE she hated me until that point. now we ocasionally play genshin together but i cant really talk at that time and that also makes me upset bc i do wake up late and im trying to fix my schedule a bit by waking up at 2pm instead of 5 pm but it doesnt even matter bc i play board games with my grandma daily (bc its good for her and its fun i do enjoy it) i just wish we could do it earlier bc lately she gets up at like 9pm and i end up finishing playing at 11/12/1 and its just kinda late to meet w my friends bc i always have smth to do/finish after and i just cant make it in time even if i wake up earlier? lol but i cant change her schedule so theres nothing i can do but cry about it

oh also ik matsunoadvice gave me advice on this but like there's this friend who i love obviously but sometimes he just talks abt his meetings w other friends and like it only makes me angry as fuck and i cant ask him to not bc im too shy but i wish he could stop. and also when he complains abt skate related stuff it makes me unexplainably angry but like i have no reason or right to im just angry bc i cant do that and probably never will bc i doubt ill ever be able to go out again ?? lol. and he even offered like "when we go out again u should come and ill lend u my skate and if u like it u can get one" and honestly its all super nice and i appreciate it and ive thanked him and told him yes but it just makes me feel angry inside bc i dont see an ending with all the mutations and shit and my voice cracks when i tell him haha yeah if we ever meet again bc honestly my youth is already over and i just spent it like a social recluse and i read a post here when i was younger that said like lgbt people spend their teens closeted and ashamed and live their teens in their twenties but now im gonna miss my twenties to the pandemic and then ill be too fucking old and itll be too fucking late and ill have to die and i just never lived bc i still havent even transitioned yet and i doubt ill ever be able to (this also causes me a lot of pain but i will ignore it) and the other day he said like i hope i can see u this year bc i miss u and i just said that honestly ive lost all hope of ever seeing anyone again and my voice cracked and my other friend said something related but not so related and im just glad he talked in bc i didnt rly care i just wanted to change the topic bc i know ill never see them again and eventually probably lose contact and see them all have fun together without me just as if i was dead but just didnt pass away and its difficult but i have to accept it and it hurts a lot now but in 7 years itll be fine, just like i accepted im unlovable and will never have a s/o and when i was 12 that hurt a lot but now it doesnt so someday i will be alone but i hope it doesnt hurt anymore.

this is all a mess and the format is everywhere and theres no timeline i hope no one reads it. if u do read it im sorry. i just honestly been carrying all of this for a while now and i want it out of my system honestly bc i dont know what to do with it and i was on the verge of a breakdown for a minimal thing hours ago i just want all this info out of my brain.....also obv these are only the bad things that have happened/good things that took me out of the hole but a lot of good things happened too lol and i skipped a lot of imp points like i changed careers and shit and also i met a lot of cool mutuals since i got back to tumblr and ososan been carrying my mental health every monday but yeah i just wanted the negatives out of the system. the frustrations and the anger. i hope no one reads this fr its so messy

[deuce-duce]

"Your Effin Right Will Smith!!"

Now, I'm not sure how many of you believe in a destiny, a divine plan.... or that all of this has already been written. (Like the tail of a commet) Which could be the reason some can see into the future or claim to atleast... idk! None of us will truly know until... thee END!!

Throughout my life I have had some very magical/spiritual experiences, where I foresaw a lot of whats occurring and who it is I truly am. Now when claims to have experiences like this its easy for others and even the individual who had the experience to turn the other way and dismiss the vision as meerly happenstance or just crazy... that was what I did because it just seemed so unreal. It wasnt until My friend the Rasta Man says listen your probably not going to believe me... but I felt what you were feeling during the concert... now dont get me wrong it probably wasn't as intense but I could feel ya! I said not uh... he said yeah man!! Are you going to be ok...???? I remember being silent for a moment taking a deep breath trying to fathom everything this meant... then I let out a sigh... saying yea man ill be alright. Then it was off to Safeway for 🥭 Talenti!! 👈 more on that another time.

The woman i was with that night who I thought would have been my wife, told me it was the best experience she had ever had in her entire life!! Which makes me feel special to this day knowing that I shared a moment like that with her!❤🙏

On another occasion we drove an hour to the city for a show. This time the woman who knew exactly how to pull me up and make me smile even if I was down and out!!❤❤ not only was this also the best time she had, had in her life but she saved me from this guy because I kept trying to push my way to the stage. Haha crazy night! A lot of fun just Cray!! She told me she saw my aura that night!! I said really??? What did it look like it was really bright and It was the color...... (sorry). Beautiful soul on that young lady wish things didn't turn out the way they did... I blame myself because I freaked out when we were living together because it was when all of this started again... I didnt know anything about how it worked, why I couldn't remember and who the hell I actually was... all I knew was to kick everyone out!! She cared about me so much and I her. MISS U!!

I still think about them often and just want to say thank you!! ❤🤟

Back to present tense, well... somewhat. Im not sure how many of you know this but I have coincidentally ended up here on three different occasions...the two times prior had to of been a coincidence or... maybe... not!!

When I was running from the state I was born in because of very similar situation I find myself in now. It was February 2019 and after getting tired of driving I stopped at the park Downtown sat by the water where I met three girls after a short interaction we went our separate ways. I thought maybe I should go talk to them some more... but when I saw them again I had mistaken a restaurant as an apartment building and shyed away. Got in my car and left!!

The next time I was running again, same reason. I exited the highway at exit 4 and ended up at smoker friendly helping some kids who's tire had fallen off while they were driving... something caused the studs of the hub to be completely sheered off! I was like you guys can't fix that here... your going to need a tow. This was when their dad showed up and we came to the same conclusion... a tow was the only was to go. He tried to pay me for my time but I turned him down.

I then went for a hike/walk along the creek where I saw a sign that said the path forward is very difficult or something like that. Walked to the dog park turned around and said hi to a couple passed bys... as I passed a group of like five girls and their dog one was like you need to leave here... so I took to her warning stopped at the gas station before the highway entrance filled up and left.

So let allow me to correct myself this is actually my 4th time here... wtf this really is crazy! So I ran out of money and was stranded in a nearby state and went to the hospital they transferred me here to the emergency room I left and went back to the homeless shelter in the state I ran out of money. A couple weeks later I had an emergency room visit follow up. The doctor prescribed me a medication I thought would help. She told me if I came back here we could get to the bottom of what was going on... well... after getting 180 bucks doing finish carpentry I came to pick up my script and was planning on continuing to my original destination then I go around a bend a little too fast while it was raining slid into a curb and broke my axel... is that fate destiny a coincidence or meerly just an effed up series of events... I couldnt tell ya, all im saying is... no matter what, I continue ending up here... wtf! CRazy.......!!!!

Who am I?? Still not sure all I can tell you is I have been hated my entire life. Whether I was riding my bright yellow mongoose through the neighborhood with my walman on rapping and jammin or if I was maintaining a 3.95 for 2 years while in college. It has never mattered who I was or what I was, what I did. With all of those who hated there were so many who loved me!! Maybe silently but love all the same!! Just was never certain and have always thought it best to keep people at a distance not only for them but for me... all im saying is why hate me for just trying to be the best man I can be!?

This is the very first time that I have understood all of the working parts to the scenario we find ourselves in as I speak! What was wrong with me how it worked and how to keep myself safe. This has been the reason I have always run to escape from it but running is only an option when it alleviates the problem/problems your running from.

Fight or flight are the two primary trigger responses to traumatic events and in every situation leading up to where I am now that is the decision I have chosen to go with. Unfortunately when it doesn't matter how fast, far or suddenly you run, you only end up in another situation thats the same just different. At this point what does 1 do?? 1 can't run anymore it gets him nowhere. I just so happens this will be the time and place 1 spreads his stance sinks in his feet, puts up his dukes and prepares for a fight of Epic Proportions...

🤟✌

[yvvaine]

I was wondering if any [past or present] Jonerys, Pro-Daenerys fans like myself feel this way.....?

Firstly Id say please be nice i just enjoy analyzing the shit out of fandoms I like, (im a history/polysci major ((with an emphasis on Peace Justice and & Conflict Studies)) all i do is analyze and try to be diplomatic lmao) but considering all they petty drama between both ships as well as pro/anti Daenerys stans ON BOTH SIDES I’m going to be “That Person” and at least ask for people to be respectful/civil, I want to hear from everyone and their metas/what they think which is why i tagged like, all the tags, no matter if you love her/the ship or cant stand it, as long as everyone can keep civil So firstly I’ve loved Dany both books and show from the beginning. She’s gorgeous, wants to be the best person she can be, and her hair/fashion style game is always ON POINT.  That being said, somewhere around season 5 i think i’ve found my opinion on her cooling a little bit, ep after ep, till now. Like I still like her bc she was my first character love on the show but I’ve def soured in my opinion on her. Maybe it’s because I love learning about the subject that im more baised (im hoping thats the case) but she just seemed to have no interest in actual governance, just the reputation (esp of being the ‘rebel queen’)/the awe/the power/the thrill of the adoration that went along with it to the point where I feel like though she still wants to be a ‘good queen’ or at least wants to be seen that way, she doesnt want to do much work for the title. Like yeah she freed all the slaves and that was a def progressive and awesome move on her part (major props! slavery is sin and im glad someone recognized that who had the power to do something about it) but she didnt handle that aftermath or ensuing problems well at all nor really mulled heavily on the subject to find the best solution. She just got fustrated with pretty basic/common (albeit complex in themselves) issues of standard governance and kind of went agh! fuck this! (obv not actual quotes but that was the vibe I got). And then ESPECIALLY after season 7 her character has kind of nagged at me in the back of brain which i hate but its inherent like its just a feeling i cant help it?? I just dont know why to be honest that Im feeling so negative towards this character i used to love.  The whole ‘ bEnD thE knEe ‘ thing w/ Jon and yet pinning it on Jon’s pride not equally on his and her own was more than a little hypocritical, when hon they can discuss it later like at that point they have two common enemies the WW and Cersei they both want to do away with, and then again with the Bend the Knee or Die bit w/ the Lannister soldiers. In fact the whole sequence before that point felt kind of villinous I dearsay, I mean  deliberately burning the harvest that most of westeros needs for the winter or even strategically not willing to try, and well, nOOt intentionally burn the food considering its winter, the harvest is over (so likely not much is gonna grow in the time being) when she has a G I A N T ass army of her own to think of feeding???? Like i get it is war shit happens soldiers die but the F O O D ? Was that an impuslive in the moment mistake or did she just not give a fuck? And back to the aftermath scene/Bend the Knee 2.0, her speech was again quite hypocritical...and burning dickon?????? not willing to keep prisoners???? either bend or die??? I actually am glad she did away with Papa Tarly bc he was an awful human, but dickon????? a young idealistic man about to loose his father??? the heir to a major ally/house???? And honestly that bend or die strategy is soooooo dumb bc now she cant trust any of them like theyre only bending the knee out of self preservation homie, no one wants to die. they bend  the knee to survive and now they all of the sudden think youre their queen? Nah fam, prisoners were better, all you got are spies in your camps or people willing to backstab you at the smallest promise of coin. And i dont want that for my girl

IDK the whole “im gonna BREAK THE WHEEL,,,,,,,,yet im stating my claim mainly on my housename (aka the predominant force of said wheel for a literal dynasty) and the fact that i can scare people who otherwise are unconvinced bc lets be real westeros has had a bad run of rulers a lot of which were Targs in the past couple decades, into submission bc ill burn you otherwise???” doesnt sit well with me nor does it feel like the character ive been rooting for the past five-ish seasons. She just doesnt seem to put into effort on understanding Westeros, why things go wrong, being self-critical or sharing the blame,thinking on what a “good” ruler would do.... anyone else feeling this way and if so do you think this is just shitty writing? D&D butchering her character? or a new arc for her? perhaps the way shes always been? She just seems like a tantruming child bratty and entitled idk (a beautiful child but still)  As for jonerys...... im not gonna go into it much but how are other shippers happy????????? I honestly dont understand. I was SO looking forward to this season/this ship. like so much! But it felt so forced? And i know a lot of people claim its cause its rushed but tbh we’ve had a lot of romances in a similar time frame that felt like A C T U A L romances.....even Talisa/Robb who the Northerners will prob compare any of this too were so much better. THIS WAS MY EPIC SHIP DUDE. I feel the dany side of things (took a while but theres def heart eyes) and yet Jon???? He felt hollow. Still does even after sex. Im so disapointed but more than that I cant see the romance or the chemistry. He looks constipated. Hes never smiled like with his teeth around her the way hes done w others he cares deepily about (ygritte, toramund, sansa, even fkin gendry in the first scene they had together). He never reveals anything about himself. And between the “my queen” ep (and remember he was look warm when discussing her to toramund throughout it) and the previous the only thing that changed was that he saw the actual difference dragons made against WW. You could argue she saved them all too but that doesnt make you fall in love w someone out of the blue and also people have saved his ass before and??? Sansa w the vale anyone??? (Not an argument for jonsa js its happened) (though ill admit ive transitioned to loathing jonerys and loving jonsa more as a potential couple in the space of seven eps where if you asked me I wouldve been like PSH u cray. I never thought it would happen in a mill years but D&D ruined my ship and here i am! Shipping aside tho since its best too look at these things as neutral as possible).  Anyways the sigh of his after she left and when he pretended to be asleep.... idk. The only scene that felt genuine and where Jon smiled and it didnt look like a full on grimace and they actually kinda joked around was really nice and at the pit at the finale and if they do a LOT more of basic romance stuff like that I could ship it again but. It was followed by boatsex and boy.  I was hoping boatsex might rekindle my like for the two together. I could see the chemistry the passion. I was hoping the passion would overwhelm me and make up for the rest. But instead......like there was no foreplay, it lasted 2 seconds, and it was overplayed by brans voice and a reminder of future conflict or at the very least major angst b/w the two. i didnt see the parallel between regear and lyanna playing alongside their scene as anything romantic or that it should be taken as such. and the look they shared.... I was hoping jon would bring it bc Dany’s look in her eyes is like soooo smitten and adorable and say what you will I still have a space in my heart for her and still dont want her to suffer, but again Jon looks like oh shit/constipated. And not in a good oh shit way either.  There is a bunch more too but Imma stop there bc Im just tired at this point.  So many things were just....off this season. And it cant all be blamed on the “rushed” time frame. I’ve read the undercover lover theory and hon it makes the most sense (not perfect sense but still, more than what we’ve been poorly spoon fed) but im not willing to believe it just yet. Still, maybe D&D are just butchering a lot of things like making the romance believable and stuff for the sake of time that could be true i guess. But they like to go AHA GOT U so  Idk I dont find a lot of meta in the jonerys tag bc honestly (((((i think its bc the tag and ship are more popular and theirs more people both good and bad)))) it doesnt seem like snowballing theories is something all fans take really well in the tag at all. But whatever. I really want to know, is there any meta or theories im missing to either validate the icky feeling Im haveing about D or her “romance” or on the flipside anything that might make me change my mind about it? Theories, meta people! I just want to reiderate im not trying to hate on anyone or any point of view and I will flag any comment anti one ship or person or another if its plain hateful or rude. I just want to understand it and see what Im missing, esp because of how much I was looking forward to her arc and jonerys’ dynamic and how much the words “falling short” dont seem to cover it. And to see if im not the only one to either have critique on the ship or her character [or even actually change ships] Also i apologize for how much ive said “IDK” i just..... I DONT KNOW 

[askguyslikeus]

oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool.  i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️  djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day!  thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog??  im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account 

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0  i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod?  i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :>  WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌  AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work.  thank you!!!! for ur support!!!! 

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u) 

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE FOUR: “I JUST NEED ME AND MY GIRLIES TO SURVIVE.” - JAKE

I'm jumping ship because Keegan voted for me TWICE!!! Bro I'm like Kelley Frickin Wentworth, I'm gonna underdog this game. Heck yeah I'm joining Andreas, Chris, and Dennis. 

The word of the day is definitely Tinky Winky. It’s a Tinky Winky revolution and all because I couldn’t get the fucking epic rap battle line “we’re in the endgame now Tinky winky” unstuck from my brain

Literally all my best friends are on the other tribe UGHHHHHHHH Sharifa, Trent, Kurt, Lukas we will be together at some point 😞✊ And Jake tbh imma miss him I have ned, Keegan, and Malik Ned doesn’t like malik Keegan thinks I voted ned Malik would’ve been voted out if he didn’t have immunity Sitting in a burning room with a teaspoon of water but ILL GET THROUGH THIS I PROMISE

I imagine Olivia, Trent, and Keegan as the episode 2 trio of Jamal, Jack, and Molly from Island of the Idols, specifically the line "we're really impressed with ourselves." They think they're playing some mastermind UTR game but in reality literally everyone knows their schemes.

Sooooo I received a vote and it was likely from Kage so that’s annoying… BUT here are my thoughts on the swap

1) I think Lukas told Kage I was trying to get him out. The way Lukas talked to me about Emma and the way he talked to me about Kage were very standoff ish. He was clearly trying to get info and just say things that didn't give anything either way. It was a very different feel than what I got with anyone else. 2) I think there's a winners alliance between Jake, Sharifa, and Kurt. Jake told me he got along well with Sharifa and Kurt. So clearly he's hoping we target Trent. BUT Also Sharifa knew I was a winner when I talked to her and made a point to bring it up. Yet, when I asked if there were other winners she mentioned Kurt and not Jake. That doesn't make sense. She doesn't know me at all. Why would she have that info about me but not have that info about Jake? 3) I think I'm losing Lukas a bit. Before we swapped Dennis told me that Kage mentioned something about the idol no longer being where it was originally. He also mentioned that Kage told Lukas. Me and Lukas had been sharing idol information but Lukas hasn't been coming to tell me things and he DEFINITELY didn't tell me the Kage info. Now that I've said all that, I wanna debate whether or not to tell anyone about the 5 that was created on our old tribe. Dennis might not enjoy it cause it would throw him under the bus. But he's no longer on my tribe. I could use this opportunity to inch my way into the winner's alliance and surround myself with threats. Get Lukas closer to me and make him a bit more sus of Kage. AND get Matt closer to me as well. My relationship with Sarah is interesting and I think it'll stay that way. I think we've been getting along nicely but I don't think she's actively going out of her way to work with me cause she likes me. I think at best, she wants to just get info from meAGAIN, all this said, one of the BIGGEST things I've learned in the past is to trust my perception. In both real life games I've played, I had a gut feeling about all of the important things in the entire game. I knew when things were happening that were shady and was able to sus it out. BUT in both, I waited too long to act on it and tried to logic my way through issues rather than trust myself. So I genuinely think what I'm feeling about all these relationships makes a lot of sense and I'm trying to really figure out what I should do with the trust I've built. I gotta a lot of ground to make up cause of my vacation and I can feel my relationships slipping. Jake and I rn are really close. As outside friends, I trust him to work with me for a while. He’s giving me lots of info and even shared an idol clue with moi And honestly, the only person I would care to push to go home rn is Kage and even then I don't necessarily think it's smart to take him out yet 

This was actually a good swap! Me, Andreas, and Dennis are in the minority, although I felt prepared that it would go this way! I talked to everyone and actually think all of them are cool BUT Matt claimed that Olivia told him Malik was the target on their tribe had he not gotten immunity and Sarah I believe said do not trust Olivia so I want to capitalize on that somehow! Also Malik and I know one another so that's cool! But we must downplay!

Just survived the double tribal. It was way more stressful than it should have been, but thats just because of my paranoid self. I had a 1/6 chance of going home, but luckily i didn't receive any votes. There were two rouge votes on keegan who was in my alliance but jake admitted that he and ned were the votes because they both got scared they were the vote and wanted to protect themselves in case of an idol. I thought for a split second there was a much bigger alliance controlling the game and I just got played. But luckily that didn't happen. Now comes a much harder part of the game. We swapped into our original roles, classic Heroes vs Villains. This would be fun expect for the fact i'm now in a 5-4 minority.  I'm going to have to work extra hard to not get voted out, but if they choose me, theres not much i can do unless i find an idol. Lukas I sorta knew threw olivia and she was hoping all three of us could work together, so i'm hoping he can protect me a bit. NIcklas I played BB pokemon with. We were never on the same side in that game, but hopefully theres so some sort of connection there I can use. Sarah Lynn also played that but she was inactive and first boot and I dont think she remembered me. The other two i just met for the first time last night. It's going to be tough to survive, but hopefully we dont even have to go to tribal.

To absolutely no ones surprise, we have swapped! But before I get into that, let me just unpack a little bit that happened at the last tribal because I am SHOOK. So the plan was for there to be a near unanimous vote for BIRCH. With Olivia throwing an extra vote on NED just in case BIRCH had an idol and was lying about who they were voting for. All is well and good. But then tribal happens and not only does NED get two votes but I get two votes. Record scratch. Hold up. What the absolute fuck? I genuinely though I was about to be blindsided and sent home pre-merge. So the end result was five votes for BIRCH, two for NED and two for me. In the brief chats I had before we actually swapped, as well as after with OLIVIA, MALIK and NED, it appears that it was KURT and JAKE who wrote my name down. Fair enough I guess, I hardly spoke with them at all this round. But it was still a shock. As far as I can tell, the McBITCHES all stuck together with the plan. SHARIFA, TRENT, MALIK and myself voted BIRCH with OLIVIA sticking with her NED vote. BIRCH definitely voted for NED and I’m pretty confident NED voted for BIRCH which definitely leaves KURT and JAKE as the two who voted for me. Which means they are close and working together. So that’s definitely something to keep in mind. In regards to the swap it is now a true Heroes vs Villains season and we swapped into those alignments. Which honestly I am okay with because I’ve got OLIVIA with me, who is probably my #1 ally at this point. I’ve also got MALIK who I trust a great deal. And NED, well NED I’m still working on gaining his full allegiance to me. ANDREAS, CHRIS and DENNIS are the other heroes from the original Molysmeno tribe. So far they’ve been nice and I’m bonding with CHRIS over horror movies so that’s been good. However, because of the late tribal we didn’t get a whole lot of time to talk last night. Moving forward, I’d like to win immunity challenges for sure. As much as I would hate to lose TRENT or SHARIFA on the other side, I don’t trust that OG AMMONIA will stick together if we end up at tribal. And who’s to say one of ANDREAS, CHRIS or DENNIS doesn’t have an idol and idols us out even if we do. I genuinely would like to stick with OG tribes for the time being though. As of this very moment, ANDREAS I think is who I would prefer to vote out right now. He seems to be the most difficult to actually talk with at the moment. But it’s still very early in the swap so we’ll see how things progress. 

So I feel that everything is coming together. Andreas/Dennis have told Malik on the Olivia stuff and he was hurt but it is going to have him come to us. While they think Malik's going to be all for them, there is a good chance he and I can snipe! Meanwhile Malik and Ned have expressed a little concern about Olivia/Keegan. I think my ideal tribal scenarios are 5-2 or 3-2-2 so stay tuned on THAT 

Today I've spent lots of time thinking about my odds in the game while at work and tbh I feel like I can surprise a lot of these people. For me, a lot of them want to play under the radar or downplay themselves, but I feel like perhaps the fact I am so new I can legitimately do so without it not looking suspicious and unbelievable. Someone like Matt or Sarah or Dennis or Ned or whoever I feel will have a hard time with that- at least I hope they will. So yeah. Still, I enjoy so many of these people that I feel if I do lose, then I certainly won't be sad about it! Having that said, I'm here to win and plan on doing so!

The swap happened as expected after Emma left. If Emma had stayed, this swap would've been a mess and a half, but she didn't and Kage (the rogue vote) prolly put himself really low into that swap. The swaptribe is amazing. Thanks to Matt's info, I was instantly able to form a really good relationship with malik, who didn't necessarily know he was on the outs, but is SO easy to talk to. He also seemed so so sad when I told him Matt's info, like literally heartbroken and I felt so so sorry for him :(. Ned also approached me about him being on the outs and even being close to Malik, so that is good... right?! Olivia and Keegan seem really nice, but we swapped into a Minority, so I will have to work every angle I can. There are a few concerns I have and those are mainly based on the fact, that things seem way way WAY too good and this just can't be?! I do feel like tho. My connections to Malik and Olivia would EVEN if they stick together mean, that I hopefully don't get targetted and that is actually my entire premerge strategy (or atleast until we make jury). Make connections and make people depend on you/like you enough that even if they betray you, it won't be you, who gets the boot. We just have to be careful, especially depending on what awaits us at Thera. The new Idolsystem is very very interesting to say atleast. It seems multi facetted and apparently Thera plays into it, so yeah

Music. Video. Challenge. No. I hate it. However, I stupidly volunteered to edit the damn video and I'm literally wasting almost three whole days of my life editing It's Raining Men. But I'm putting a ton of effort in so even if we lose I think I might be doing enough to make people feel sorry for me and like they can't vote me out. But by golly if I ever have to do another music video in my life I am RIOTING.

So for this challenge I’m really not feeling too hot about my tribes chances. It seems like not many people are excited about it, granted I did get a score of 8 on guess who. Hopefully we can pull it together.

Omg were back to original tribes..... it’s 7 heroes and it’s 4 original Armonia and 3 molysmeno. I’m with Dennis and Chris who were in the mystery inc alliance so I trust them. But then Malik is here who is someone I played a FB BB org with over a year ago and we went to f3 together and were extremely loyal. And then we have Ned who is one of my best friends from ORGs ever. Ned caught me up to date pretty quick about how he’s been targeted by Olivia and Trent. That’s dangerous for sure. He also said that there’s a Ned/Olivia/Keegan/Malik alliance that ‘plans’ on working together.... I have a plan to break that one up.

So I broke the news to Malik that Olivia led a campaign to target him and while he was really upset, he took the news well. Honestly, this has been the most gameplay I’ve done all season and it’s weird because I’m trying to be cool calm and collected. Also, Olivia and Keegan are so hard to chat with .... they just leave me on read so often, or will just react to my messages halfway during our chats and it’s just hard to chat with them. Neither of them want to talk game at all, and I’m thinking it’s cause they believe they’re going to be Armonia strong. Further to this, Dennis and Chris said the same thing is happening to them too. Malik approached me about a me, him, Ned, Dennis and Chris alliance. That works well for me honestly. I can get behind that quite frankly. As long as Ned and Malik can play both sides for at least this round, I won’t have much blood on my hands. My only fear is about idols or double votes or what not. If we split the votes and they have a double vote it could 3-3-2. That would cause a revote so all would be fine. But as long as they don’t sniff it out we should good. This is all dependant if we can win or not.

Woo we won immunity!!!! 😄😄😄 i worked so hard and Keegan kicked ASSSSS (pun on my password lol) I’m terrified for my buddies sharifa, Trent, Kurt, and Jake because they’re outnumbered. I hope Lukas can flip or something

Things got insane after the immunity, all of the other villains were messaging me except for Kage. Suddenly everyone wants to work with me...sounds fake but okay. Matt and Sarah were ALLLLLLLLL up in my dm's talking about how they weren't going to vote for me because of how hard I worked on the challenge. Do I believe them? No. We’re all villains, someone here literally voted out Isaac on his birthday LFKJASDKJFA. But I do think it’s smart for them to work with me, taking out the target on everyone's back eventually means yours is the only one people can shoot at. Yes I'm the biggest target, but that means I'm a shield for yalls bitch asses. I'm just never gonna fully trust Matt and Sarah, they think they have the game WRAPPED around their pretty little fingers, and their final 2 is BLATANT. Then Lukas messaged me saying the same thing, but it felt genuine from him. We ended up having a lovely chat and I trust that a lot more than anything Mattrah said to me. MATTRAH AKSDLFJALSDJ. I went from Trolivia to Mattrah I'm never escaping these duos GOD. Speaking of which, Matt revealed that Kage was bringing back everything Trent was saying to Mattrah. So I gave Trent the heads up and then proceeded to throw him under the bus to Matt. Initially the plan was to get the target on Trent and then use my idol on him...and I even said that to Trent. But there’s a whole day left to play tomorrow so I have ZERO idea what I’m doing as of now. It’s a huge risk not to play the idol on myself, and everyone could just be trying to make me feel safe...but a part of me thinks I might have an opportunity to get power. The most interesting convo I had was with Nicklas. I’ve just had a feeling about that one since the swap, and we had a really meaty game talk. Not even talking about the game but just strategy in general...that one is a smart fucking cookie, I like him. He reminds me of myself in a lot of ways, the more pragmatic side. I was open that I was really fucking with what he was saying, and he seemed to be vibing me. It just felt like a lot of effort for him to put in just to make me feel comfortable but YOU NEVER KNOW. Everyone, and I mean everyone said they wanted to talk about the vote tomorrow...I feel like everyone is trying to use me in their plots and schemes, but I’m the queen for a reason. I need to figure out how to not only survive, but put MYSELF in a better position by doing what I need to happen. I have to take paranoia out of it, I have to take my personal shit out of it, forget I'm one of the pieces and step back and look at the chessboard as a whole. Tomorrow is going to be a huge day, if I go home, I’m gonna leave SWWWWIIIINNNNGGGGGGIIIING!! YOU WANT TO TAKE ME OUT YOU BETTER EARN IT!!

All that work was worth it! We won the immunity challenge! By a glorious 2 points! The only thing that worries me is whether SHARIFA and TRENT can survive this vote. KURT or JAKE can be voted out and I won’t feel any amount of sadness over it. I still feel like it’s early enough in the game that anything can happen so I’m really hoping the McBITCHES can stay whole until another swap/merge and we can reunite. I think for my own safety I’m going to try to propose an alliance of sorts with ANDREAS and maybe CHRIS, maybe bring in OLIVIA. I don’t think it would be the worst thing in the world to lose NED, but if we lose the next challenge I think it would be in our best interest to vote out DENNIS or CHRIS, depending on who OLIVIA and MALIK would rather see go.

 This week was a bad week to go to NOLA. I can tell I'm not doing so hot with the people on my tribe. Not bad, but not good. Kage apologized for "not checking up on me" after tribal today. Days after I already told him I was feeling fine about it all and just wanted to let him know since other people checked on me. Lukas has been quieter with me. Sarah and I are still talking but it took a lot to get info out of her today. People are also talking about the game without me cause Kage told Sarah that Trent was trying to target her earlier this morning as an "easy vote". And only Sarah told me that but I doubt only Sarah and Kage know about it. So I’m aware of my spot here…

Ok so update: We won the challenge by two points! The other tribe did great but we ended up getting the win! And based on what I know, Olivia was likely really trying to gun for me and said that to Matt because they were able to talk as Olivia confirmed it to me herself, and there’s no way Matt can randomly come up with that when he doesn’t even know me. So the second we lose if we do, Olivia is going home. She did great in the challenge, but if I know someone’s after me I never just let them stay in the game. I also got an alliance going with me, Ned, Chris, Andreas and Dennis! We(or I atleast) called it the teen titans and everyone went with it and we have roles. I’m cyborg, Andreas is Starfire, Chris is Raven, Dennis is Robin and Ned is Beast Boy. I love that group, they definitely made me feel at home on the new tribe!

i can’t believe we lost this effing challenge. LITERALLY ROBBED. anyways, first lemme confess about my new tribe. of course the other tribe has majority. i’m with kurt and sharifa who are the ones i trust, trent is iffy especially since i lies about the keegan vote, but came forward after to try to put it behind us nicklas is here who i trust a lot but am trying to keep the connection low because tbh idek how far he would go for me, i’ll have to see what happens in the vote to determine that. sarah might have a grudge against me idk, matt can’t even be assed to talk to me, i know lukas a bit and me and kage are eh. sharifa is worried we won’t have majority but this queen tellls me she has the idol so we might have some luck nicklas told me he doesn’t trust kage so i’m gonna try to work that angle, i just need me and my girlies to SURVIVE.

I'm so happy that we won! I get we have ideal targets but if I can go as many rounds as possible without seeing tribal, it'll increase my longevity in making the bonds I need to! Teen Titans was created (Dennis, Andreas, Ned, Malik, and myself) and I honestly love it! Between that and Mystery Inc and Andreas & The Chipmunks I feel good!

My gut has been telling me Kage is in trouble and so if he does get voted I'll feel horrible for not warning him that some people in MI think he had the idol. Hopefully he, Matt, and Sarah at least can pull through but I dunno, I have a bad feeling for one them going home

Omgggg so I had a very cathartic and explosive meltdown last night. I think this is my first time I’ve ever let like... true emotions trickle into an org. But I don’t regret it and I think it was a valuable experience. In terms of the vote tonight, I have no idea. I want to vote with Matt and Sarah because I think they will be a good lotus of power to cling to for awhile. I want to keep Kurt and Nicklas close as well, but Nicklas is kinda elusive. I assume the vote will land on Kage or Trent, which are both completely fine options to me. Both are a little unpredictable but Trent is super nice so I would feel bad.

*later on*

I feel like I’m in an okay spot! I helped launch the Kage vote (which hopefully will work) but I don’t think anyone sees me as the mastermind. I’m getting super close with Kurt and Matt. Jake seems to not hate me. Trent is def weary of me, but I’m weary of him too, so I’m not offended. My plan as of now is to just play this middle zone as much as I can!

I’m beginning to think that there’s nothing at all in the “idol system” and it’s all an elaborate ruse. Or I’m just that unlucky. I’ve also spent a bit of time on the blog typing random things into the URL in hopes of it revealing something useful but no luck with that yet either.

[heartsoftruth]

pt1- Honestly I don't give Ney and Bru relationship long no matter how much they try this time. They just don't seem to be on the same wave length, Bru is a person much more interested in self promotion and image, that might be interesting for a while but gives nothing in long term. she tends to bring her relationships in it directly or indirectly..I get a case of epic eye rolling attack whenever she or her friends drop Neymar's name. I mean even when Neymar had interview about him at home she

Anonymous said:pt2- had to come into shot to blow kisses and make stupid faces… She’s such an attention seeker I can’t believe ppl don’t see it and Brazilian people in particular seem to be brainwashed into universally thinking she’s a queen, princess, diva etc.. Also I do feel he was always more in love with her.. Where as she goes back and forth changing her mind as she feels. When they broke up last time she was with that sleazy Marlon guy in a second.. the thing is she met Marlon on a photo shoot while

Anonymous said:pt3- she was still very much with Neymar proffesing her great love.. she must’ve had a thing for him (Marlon) even than cuz she didn’t wait a second when they broke up (her and Ney) to get with Marlon.. I wouldn’t be surprised if smth happened even sooner but of course I can’t claim that that’s just my oppinion. that just rubbed me the wrong way… Also she has shown with her actions in last months that relationship is great for her on her timing and her terms and when she has better things to

Anonymous said:pt4- do (no matter how stupid) she’s gonne.. and shows no support for him, EVER! I just feel Neymar deserves so much better, he’s such a wonderful loving person he deserves someone that’s with him completely. He’s not stupid, I feel like’s he’s gonna wake up from his fantasy of this relationship and realize it’s not right for him.. Other might find my comments hateful now or whatever but mark my words you will remember it when it happens..

Oh wowww. I didnt know that about Marlon and her etc. How much time between her break up with Ney and Marlon was there? Do you know that? And when that photoshoot was with him? 

Hmmm I googled it - because I couldn’t help myself and I’m always on team no patience haha - and found an article from Jan. 2015. Ney and Bruna broke up during their holiday in August 2014. (Just some background info (aka dates) for the following content).

“Bruna and Marlon Teixeira stayed for the first time last November (2014) in Miami, in the United States. The couple were chatting excitedly in a restaurant and kissed on the dance floor when the establishment became a nightclub.” They also spend NYE 2014/2015 together. 

“New couple met during Fashion RioBruna and Marlon already knew each other before their stay in Miami. They were presented in April 2013, when they paraded for the Coca-Cola Clothing brand at Fashion Rio Fashion Week. In July of that year, the two returned to meet in Trancoso to take pictures of Coca-Cola Clothing’s spring-summer campaign. After that, they paraded again at Fashion Rio in November, and the following month, they took new pictures for the clothing brand in Morro do Vidigal, in the Southern Zone of Rio.”

I agree with you Ney is a lovely boy. Caring and I’m sure he would give the world for the people he cares about. The only harder thing would of course be the fact that his friends are always with him, but on the other hand if you’re in a strange country maybe that’s also fun. Because then at least you know a few people.

The important thing is trying to make a life in Barcelona or wherever he plays. People think being a wag is all great and fun but take Marc (bartra) girlfriend for example. You’re used to live in Barca, have your friends there etc (maybe family i dont know that much about her) and all of a sudden you live in Dortmund. Another country, language. Only with your daughter…That’s why for me the main thing for Bruna would be to also have a life here in Barcelona. Otherwise you will never be happy I think. 

But he’s a great boyfriend I’m sure of that. Ones he’s 100% committed to you. I can only imagine how much fun you can have with him or how you can be there for him when he’s down and upset, after a bad match, red card or elimination. But also during the victories and the fun times. Or seeing him with Davi

He deserves the best and I feel like he's really ready for a relationship. A real one. I don't know if he's ready for a long distance one...

Sorry for the late answer btw! But I thought your ask was really interesting tbh. 😊

[sassy-holly]

Iron Fist / racism rant/ #blacklivesmatter

"Prior to the casting of Finn Jones, many people expressed hope that Iron Fist would be portrayed by an East Asian actor. When the Caucasian Jones was cast, many criticized the decision, including Marvel writer Marjorie Liu and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013) actress Chloe Bennet." Racism, my friends, comes in many forms. Being a white girl who never felt like she fit in her own skin my entire life, and who has mostly only had the closest of friends be of completely different ethnicities... I'd like to shine a light. People like to say white-washed-Hollywood. Because, history speaks for itself. But, if you are really such a poor spirited and hateful person who IS familiar with this man's epic work in Game of Thrones at the very least... Shame. On. You. It's rreally disappointing to see racism in all aspects. And I know this is Black History Month, so my African American friends on here thank you if you take the time to read this and agree - your support is amazing. Because guys - this is just a tiny example of how we of pale skin are ALSO treated in this world. Now, I'm sure he blocked that shit out. He basically mastered mixed martial arts in a month and a half which he openly commented on how people.. just DONT do that. It doesn't even seem possible. But guess what, hateful bitches? My Knight of Flowers has become Iron fucking Fist. *Drops mic and walks away.* And for the record, I'm a girl who grew up wishing I was Beyonce. Literally. I can't even begin to tell you how much. So yeah, hate white people right for many reasons - I hate the horrible history of this country and the world. But there are also GOOD WHITE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. You think that because you're not born with my pasty white skin- which, FYI, I used to kill myself every day trying to darken into a tan just to FEEL like I had something even similar to any type of exoticism, and actually hard one of the coolest accidental experiences back almost ten years ago of being confused for a Thai exchange student - as I sat with my tea and read my books after work, studying for my GED at age 16, sitting outside of Starbucks with my then-dyed-black pig tails, straightened hair and a (then-) dark tan (which fyi was one of the most amazing moments of my life, hahhaha) - don't understand what other races go through? You think that if you're not my color I don't care? Well I'll tell you something. This is just an entertainment related and incredibly TINY example here of the fact that growing up white ain't fucking easy all the time either. My best friend is black. My former best friend used to be of part Indian/Trinidadian descent. My best friend before her was of Korean descent. My best friend before HER was a small and very scrawny (then, in the closet -) homosexual male who was a 1/4 black and was teased mercilessly. I've threatened people's lives , fearlessly, for hurtful comments that I just happened to bear witness to and happened to be by/ heard the fucked up shit said about them. I would KILL for any of you who feel you're not worth it. I hated myself for a long time growing up. My mother used to tell me I was fat, ugly, and not pretty unless I straightened my "ugly" wavy brown hair, dyed it like Britney Spears, lost weight and was friends with football players. And no I'm not kidding , I used to get told how ugly I was every day at school for years and even worse when I got home and walked through the door. So don't hide your hatred behind politics. You ARE your hatred. And you will get what is coming to you. I promise you. I am a 3rd generation clairvoyant amongst many other things. The Universe loves you. But you need to love yourself first. #BlackLivesMatter -Sassy-Holly.tumblr.com Love and Light. XOX

[hirameki-amour]

Sailor Moon Ranked

This is purely my opinion so don’t attack me!

13. Sailor Star Maker/Taiki Kou

Star Maker was really boring to me. Pretty much that. She was too serious for me.

12. Sailor Star Healer/Yaten Kou

Was also really boring. Not much appeal to me

11. Sailor Star Fighter/Seiya Kou

Fighter was cool. She had a crush on Usagi but it didn’t work out since Usagi was still missing Mamoru. Too bad she was rather boring to me. I just liked she protected Usagi even though she knew Usagi would never love her back.

10. Sailor Uranus/Haruko Teno

Uranus was very appealing to me. She was very cold at the start and I didn’t like that. I know Neptune and her were just doing it to protect Usagi like Minako did in the live action but I was still resentful of it. I guess that makes more like Usagi than I thought. Though I like how she was the cool, slick, and mature one.

9. Sailor Neptune/Michiru Kaioh

Neptune was rather boring but not enough to put anywhere below. I just really liked how elegant and cool she was. Whatever she did with grace and poise and I loved it. I also liked that she was the one who kept Uranus in her place since she would always act on impulse.

9. Sailor Pluto/Setsuno Meioh

I admired Pluto. She sacrificed herself to protect the kingdom and was the friend Chibiusa needed.

7. Sailor Chibi Moon/Chibi-usa/Usagi Tsukino

While the classic never did her justice, I loved her in Crystal and in the Manga. I was so happy to see her mature later in crystal and the manga just like Usagi was able to later on. I also really loved that she trusted Saturn even though she has the most terrifying powers next to Sailor Moon and Galaxia.

6. Sailor Saturn/Hotaru Tomoe

I really liked Hotaru/Saturn. Meanwhile she was calm and collected in senshi form, she still retained her compassionate side that her reborn self had. I really liked that since she was basically the guardian of death.

5. Sailor Mercury/Ami Mizuno

I really liked the little quiet energetic side of her. While she was still the most logical and calm, she still had that little fun side of her. I also liked the short where she was allergic to love because Mercury Aqua Mirage was epic.

4. Sailor Jupiter/Makoto Kino

At times I could relate to Jupiter! While she isn’t as boy crazy as I am, I can tell that she still was still dreamy over men. I also could relate being one of the tallest in my family and expected to be manly comparison to how Makoto was tall and expected to be mainly femnine when she had the manly streak.

3. Sailor Mars/Rei Hino

I much preferred Mars in the classic but I dont hate her in Crystal. Rei/Mars was always the hot-headed but mysterious girl that I loved. She was so fierce and passionate in anything and anyone. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and her powers were awesome. I also loved the relationship with her ans Usagi. Even though they had a love-hate friendship, she still deeply cared for Usagi in the end. 

2. Sailor Moon/Usagi Tsukino

Star of the show. I always felt like I could relate to Usagi/Sailor Moon. I am a totally sensitive person but that makes up for our bright and cheerful personality. I really loved how she cared for everyone despite their flaws and still fought till the end even though she was by herself. Speaking of, I admired her courage and hope for the future and fought for it. She also matured more as the seasons went by but she still retained her cheerful personality. 

1. Sailor Venus/Minako Aino

Sailor Venus, Soldier of Love and Beauty. Also known as Minako Aino. She was always my favorite the moment I saw her on screen. She was so pretty and super energetic. I felt like I could relate to her as I could see myself in her. She was super boy crazy and had this spunk in her. Minako never got down without a fight and was super fierce in battle. Meanwhile she is more like that in the classic than in Crystal, I still love her. Though, I’m glad she is a little more energetic and bubbly in Crystal S3 since she was like that in the manga. After all, she was the first senshi to awaken and Sailor Moon was based off Venus anyways hence similiar hair color and personality.