#i also built an absolutely stunning room while doing this lol i will show it later

[gaypleasantview]

Some mysteries are bound to remain unsolved 🥀

[thestarrynightslover]

It’s Hard Sometimes

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 2,975

Warnings: Yelling, arguing (gets a little physical, really just a little bit!), high risk-pregnancy, slight mentions of fertility issues, mentions of anxiety and overthinking, and a lot of angst.

Summary: Jay and the reader are married, but start having a hard time after they found out that (y/n) is pregnant. 

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: I made this piece of almost pure angst mostly because I feel like Jay is such a well-built character, who gives us a lot of space to talk about mental health and anxiety (even though I don’t think I developed it very well, lol), so I wanted to use this space to try and add to the conversation with him. Anyways, I hope it doesn’t suck too bad and, please, feel free to give me feedback, cause I’m also here to learn!!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

Your Saturday morning just couldn’t get any worse. 

Or, at least, that’s what you thought after having been mugged at the subway and then asked to go pick up your stuff at the 21st District, where your husband works. You had to go in because they had apprehended your bag as stolen property. But you were hoping that,  maybe, you’d be able to sort it all out without Jay seeing you. 

“(y/n), hi! Here to see Chuckles? Cause they’re all out working on a case now.” Trudy said with a small smile on her lips, while you just prayed she wouldn’t notice how relieved you were to hear that.

“No, uh, I’m actually here because there was an incident at the subway and the responding officers told me I had to come in to get my bag back. Also, sign something, I think…” You answered shrugging your shoulders to make it seem like nothing. But, of course, Trudy knew better, she always does.

“Oh my God! I heard about that, just didn’t know you were one of the victims! Are you okay? García, go get (y/n) a glass of water!!!” She quickly shouted at the young officer, not waiting long to turn back to face you with a concerned glare: “Can I get you anything else?”

“Oh, no, Trudy! You don’t need to worry about me! It wasn’t a big deal!” You said, also noticing that she was already going through some evidence bags, looking for the one that contained your things. “But there is one thing that I’d appreciate from you…” Hearing that, she didn’t even let you finish:

“Yes, of course! Anything, just name it!” At that, you shot her your brightest smile. Maybe Jay was right and the tough Sergeant Trudy Platt did have a soft spot for you. 

“Well, it’s just that… You know how Jay can get, so maybe you could not mention any of this to him? I just don’t want him worrying, the way I know he will, over something like this…” You would’ve continued but Trudy had the weirdest look on her face and, then, you got it. “He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?” She didn’t bother to answer as your husband turned you to face him and the other members of the Intelligence Unit.

“So, what is it you don’t want me to worry about, huh?” He had a playful smirk on his lips, but his eyes showed you he was already worried. And now you had no other option but to tell him what happened.

“Well, um, there was a little confusion at the subway today and the officers said I had to come in…” You would gladly stop at that, but you knew that Jay wasn’t gonna let it go until you told him everything, so you just went on: “To retrieve what I, um, lost.” God, you couldn’t even look in his eyes right now. 

“What you lost? What kind of confusion are you talking about exactly, babe?” In spite of the pet name, his voice was already showing off a bit of irritation.

“It was a, um, robbery,” at that his eyes almost jumped out of their orbits, so you quickly added, “but it wasn’t a big deal! Nobody got hurt! The officers tackled the guy pretty fast, as soon as he stepped out on the station! And everything is here,” you said raising the bag  Trudy handed you a few minutes earlier, “so, really, there’s nothing to worry about!” You told him, not being able to conceal the exasperation in your voice.

“Nothing to worry about? You just got mugged, (y/n)! We heard a call about that over the radio, it was an armed robbery! Or did you happen to miss the gun on your face when he was getting your bag, huh?” He asked and, even though you knew that the only reason why he was lashing out like that was the concern, the way he said what he said made you feel really small and brought tears to your eyes. “Actually, what I’d like to know, to begin with, is why were you even riding the subway alone, after our talk from the other day, huh?” You could feel the eyes from every person in that District on you and, as much as you knew where Jay was coming from, it was starting to really bother you.

“I was just going to the library. Sorry I didn’t think I needed an escort to do that!” You wish you wouldn’t have said it with those exact words, but you were reaching your limit.

“But we talked about it!” He snapped and you jumped back a little. Then he added, more calmly: “You should have called me.” He was pinching the bridge of his nose, like he always did when he was disappointed and upset about something, and you just felt yourself getting smaller and smaller, as the tears started falling. As if all of it hadn’t been enough, he asked: “Are you okay, though? Because, you know, given our circumstances, you’re to avoid going out on your own to prevent this kinda stress from hitting you, babe.” He explained that to you like he was talking to a child. Like he was the only one who heard what the doctor said. And that was it for you. As much as you loved the man, you just didn't have infinite patience towards his overprotective dad-to-be mode. 

“Oh, really? Why don’t you just go ahead and say ‘I told you so’, huh? Because I can tell you’re dying to do it!” God damn those pregnancy hormones because you were fuming with anger and the tears just kept going down at full force.

“Babe, that’s not what I-”

“The hell it isn’t!” Part of you really wanted to let it all out. All the hurtful words that were just waiting for a go-ahead at the tip of your tongue. But the other part of you, the rational one, knew that wasn’t gonna do any good for you or Jay. Or your baby. So you decided you’d leave instead. “You know what? It’s probably best if I go home now!”

“Okay, then, I’ll drive you.” You heard Jay saying, with a deep sigh, but you couldn’t even begin to think about an entire drive home with him at that moment.

“No way! I can do that by myself! And don’t worry I’ll get a cab this time!” As you headed towards the exit, you felt a strong grip on your wrist. You turned around and it was Jay. He’d never done that before. “Jay, you’re hurting me!” You breathed out, trying not to be too nervous. When your eyes met his, he let your arm go quickly, looking absolutely stunned by his own behavior. 

You knew that the healthiest thing to do right then would be to try and talk to him about it, but you couldn’t. At that point you needed the space more than ever, so you took the opportunity to just leave the District and go home.

After you stormed out crying, every cop in that building laid their eyes on Jay. To say they were completely shocked by the previous scene was an understatement. Almost everyone there knew you and Jay and how you two were great together. But, more importantly, they knew Jay Halstead wasn’t that kinda guy ⎯ or at least they thought so ⎯ and now they were all wondering.

Still, Trudy Platt, who wasn’t about to have any more of that drama at her District, ordered loudly for everyone to get back to their tasks, while shooting Jay a worried look, because, as much as she knew for a fact that he wasn’t that kinda guy, she cared a lot about you and had, obviously, witnessed the whole thing. 

After the little gathering of cops had been dissolved, it was Voight’s turn to speak up: “Alright, Intelligence, let’s get back upstairs, we still have a lot of work to do on this case. And, Jay, you should go home now.” He said with a stern look, despite his concern for the detective.

“But, sarge, I-” Jay started to protest, like Hank knew he would.

“I don’t wanna hear it, Halstead. I know your head is not gonna be on the case until you fix whatever that was, so, now, the best thing you can do is just calm down and go home.” This time Jay knew there was no point in arguing, so he accepted the defeat and went upstairs to get changed in the locker room before leaving. 

As he got there, he saw his reflection in the mirror and that was when it hit him. All of it. From your incident to your tears, to his aggressiveness. He really messed up. He let his fears get the best of him and he hurt you, he made you cry, fear him, even. So he started crying himself, like a little child whose favorite toy had just broken, like there was no tomorrow. By the time Voight went there to check up on Jay, maybe give him some advice, that’s what he saw: a grown man sitting on the floor crying his eyes out. So he did the one thing he could think about doing, to try and make that man he considered like a son feel better: he sat there by Jay’s side and put a hand over the detective’s shoulder until the crying sufficed. 

“So, you and (y/n) been on the odds lately?” Hank asked after a while.

“No, uh, not really.” Jay started whilst sniffling. “It’s just that this week we got some news that messed with our emotions a little, but, Hank, I swear I have no idea why I did that! I would never do anything to hurt her, you gotta believe me! Please?” He pleaded, in desperation, for someone who knew it, who knew him.

“Jay, Jay!” By then the sergeant had to shout to get the frantic young man’s attention back. “Jay, I know you wouldn’t hurt her, you hear me? I know. I know you love her more than you love yourself, hell, everyone here knows it! They were just… A little surprised to see you two arguing, that’s all.” Hank tried to make it sound a lot less bad than it actually was, and Jay appreciated that. “Now, why don’t you tell me what’s really going on between you and (y/n), huh? Maybe I can help you somehow… Or maybe you just need to vent.” Hearing that, Jay decided that he should take Voight’s suggestion and just talk about it already.

“Well, here’s the thing, sarge, (y/n/n) and I, we’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while now. And, um, we were having a bit of a hard time with it. But then last weekend we found out that it worked, she got pregnant, and we were so happy about it!” He almost smiled at the memory. “But then we went to the doctor to check it and all that, and found out that it’s a high-risk pregnancy, meaning she’s gotta take it real easy from now on, otherwise the baby’s life and her own would be in danger! And I’m terrified ever since we left that hospital! Because the simplest thing could take her away from me! My everything, sarge, she is my entire world and I can’t live without her.” He said shaking his head in a way that made even Hank Voight feel a bit of sadness. “So when she said she’d been robbed at gunpoint… I just lost it, you know? What if I’d lost them?”

“Ah, Jay…” Hank knew exactly what the detective was scared of, after all, he had already lost a wife and a son. “Look, I know this can be hard, trust me. Camille and I had our issues before Justin came, as well… But you said it yourself, you’re both happy, aren’t you?” Jay didn’t even need to think before answering that question.

“Yes, of course, sarge! But-”

“No buts! Look, Jay, I know what a big heart you have and I know how much you care, how- how intensely you care, I know, okay? But sometimes, with things like this, you just gotta keep going and hope- just hope that everything is gonna work out. So here’s what you’re gonna do: go home, make up with your wife and start planning a nursery, or whatever else you, parents-to-be, have on your to-do lists these days.” At that, Jay chuckled a little, feeling grateful to have this second father to set him on straight.

“I know you’re right, and I really appreciate you saying this to me… I’m pretty sure that (y/n/n) said something among those lines after we got back from the doctor’s appointment too. The problem is that sometimes it seems like I can’t control my own thoughts. Then, next thing I know, I’m freaking out…” Hank thought that he sounded so frustrated saying that… He really felt for the kid.

“Listen, Jay, you- you just try, okay? You just try your best. And talk to (y/n/n) about it, just let her know what’s going on in there.” He pointed to Jay’s head, as they had already stood up.

“Alright, I will try. Thank you, sarge. Thank you so much, I really needed this.” They half-hugged and the detective went home to you.

The thing he wasn’t prepared for, at all, was finding you: the woman he loved more than anything and anyone in the entire world, sitting on the floor, leaning your back against the bed in the bedroom you two shared, crying and shaking. You were scared of him. That broke him in a way he never thought possible. He wanted to hurt himself, as punishment for hurting you, but he knew it wouldn’t be fair to you. So he gathered some courage to speak through his shame instead. “B- babe?”

You shivered, but you didn’t wanna be afraid of him. That was Jay. Your Jay. The man you loved. The man who loved you. You knew he would never hurt you or your baby. But your body didn’t seem to be listening to your brain. Still, you wanted to say something. But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t know what to say, so you just stayed silent, trying to stop the sobs. He decided to make a move: He sat down on the floor like you, but still giving you some space. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, almost whispering, “I’m so, so, so sorry. You don’t need to say anything, or to forgive me, or do anything, really. I came here willing to talk to you. To do anything to get you back. But now I see just how much I hurt you, so I’ll give you all the space and time you want.” You still couldn’t seem to find your words. It was that same man, you knew it. Why couldn’t you just tell him that? “I’ll sleep in the spare bedroom, or even go to Will’s if it makes you more comfortable?” Just by the sound of his voice, you could tell he meant it. And that was your Jay.

“No,” you spoke so lowly, that you weren’t even sure he’d heard it, “I want you to stay.” And you really did. But you needed to understand, in order to be able to forgive him. “Just- just tell me what happened there? Why?” You tried, a little louder this time.

“Long story short? I was scared to death.” He said with a long and heavy sigh, looking so much older than he’d ever done before; at the same time, you could see the bags under his eyes, from all those sleepless nights he’d been having lately.

“Scared? Because of the robbery? Baby, you’re a cop! You’ve heard of that kind of thing a million times before, and you know it’s not that big of a deal!" You tried to reason with him, even though you were afraid too, at the time.

“I know!” He said, in a tone that made you flinch a little and, then, more calmly: “Look, I know. And I know that you’ve been through tougher stuff. And that you can handle yourself. But that whole thing could’ve gone badly for you, for the baby, for us, in a thousand different ways. Besides, it’s not just that. Ever since we left that exam room, on Monday, I’ve been scared, worried. Because, according to the doctor, the tiniest problem could get you on edge. Because of the tiniest problem, I could lose you. I could lose everything, babe!” You could only stare at him in shock, after hearing that. Of course, you understood his concerns, but you had been so absorbed in your own fears, that you never thought about how much the whole situation was affecting him. Your formerly brave soldier, now tough detective, was also a very anxious man ⎯ who always overthought every single detail of everything when it came to you ⎯ and was, now, crying his eyes out, sobbing like a little kid by your side. So you did the one thing you thought could make him feel better: you pulled him closer to you, letting him break, into your chest, as he listened to your soothing heartbeat.

“It’s alright, my love, it’s alright. Shhh, I’m right here and I’m safe. We both are. You don’t need to be afraid, because we’re not going anywhere, baby.” You promised him with tears already pricking through your eyes, as well. 

And, like that, you two stayed, crying in each other’s arms, just holding each other. With a renewed hope that everything was gonna be okay.

[phoenixyfriend]

Thoughts on “Auntie Soka and Little Leia” now that I’ve actually got it posted:

Call it a director’s cut! The process of actually writing the thing, and also jokes made along the way. Link to the actual fic.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy for image descriptions, even the text screenshots. Might come back that later. Most of this was DMs with @atagotiak​.

This was an entire thing before I even started writing:

Before I decided on ages and stuff Ahsoka, to Jango, who has had zero contact with Kaminoans: Okay I know I'm a Jedi kid so you hate me but this toddler is your clone from the future. Jango, tired: What the FUCK are you talking about. Rex, barely able to talk: Don't you dare leave me with him, Commander! Ahsoka: I'm not going to leave you I just--I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired I haven't slept in five days and someone tried to kidnap Leia two days ago I am so fucking tired I need help

Ben: [twenty years of depression followed by a 'now I'm safe' breakdown over the course of weeks] Sokari: [whatever the FUCK this mess is]

When Ahsoka mentions there only being three other Jedi at the time of her death,  I was thinking Kanan, Yoda, and Obi-Wan (Leia told her about the latter two living past her). She's not counting anyone that received training after the Temple fell, and she didn’t know about Cal.

When Leia says  “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”

Depa: I'm no therapist but I diagnose you with "incredibly fucked up." Ahsoka: yeah, that’s fair

"Why did you pick Depa for--" She's pretty and I'm gay. Also because of the Kanan thing But mostly I'm gay "It's not a visual medi--" GAY

Empty of context beyond general post-fic AU: "Hey Sokari, we need to engage in psychological warfare against this individual and--" "I'm going to break into his office and leave a threatening note on his desk and leave no other sign that I was there. He'll see that his security is nothing and the only reason he isn't dead is because I'm too nice to kill him." "...okay, not what we were planning, but that works. Why is that your first choice?" "I really like breaking and entering, it's soothing." Ben just standing there with a bland smile like This Is Normal.

"We need someone to infiltrate a highly guarded facility in hostile territory." "So we're sending the Torrent kids?" [sigh] "We're sending the Torrent kids."

Rex and Sokari insist on both going by "Torrent" even though Rex could be a Fett. Jango really wants him to be a Fett. Rex has too many grudges to agree to being a Fett for... a while.

I really hope it's blatantly obvious that Ahsoka's not a reliable narrator for some things Ahsoka: Fett could care less if I died Jango: jfc even if you are older than me I can see you're fucked up. Drink your hot chocolate. Hells. She's got good reason to expect him to hate her as a Jedi! BUT. THAT IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF REALITY

We don’t get a lot of actual characterization for Jango, but the way I played him out here is he has never really parsed that Jedi are people before all this. It's a lot harder to treat them as a monolith when the traumatized former child soldier is having regular breakdowns in your shitty little kitchen

Fett: I respect you Ahsoka: No, don't do that

Ahsoka’s vigilantism is something that, in my mind, she's associating heavily with Zygerria and then the clones.

I figured that she never bothered to learn Quinlan’s teacher’s name but in the process of looking up some basic facts (whether he had a surname), I found that Wookiepedia was forced to give us a VERY wide range of possible death in Legends.

Please take a moment to imagine Quinlan's FACE when Ahsoka initially dismisses him. Quinlan has put a lot of effort into being rogueishly charming! It's very useful for his line of work! He knows to expect either irritation or a return flirtation when he acts like this with people his own age! Ahsoka is not flustered OR rolling her eyes and insulting him, she's just ignoring him and it's a bit of a blow to the ego

This just makes me really happy:

This was the initial comment I made, as a joke What if Maul is just. There. On one of the planets they make a pitstop at. What if Maul exists as the walking problem he is, but fifteen, and Ahsoka immediately tries to kick his ass and drag him back to Coruscant. I do not have room for this plot but What If

Despite not having room for this plot, I proceeded to write this plot.

Maul is kidnapped and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him HE'S FIFTEEN HE'S DUMB AS SHIT AND HAS A BAD ATTITUDE AND YEAH HE'S A DARKSIDER BUT HE'S FIFTEEN

Ahsoka: I sense... Maul [takes off sprinting] Rex: [immediately takes Jango's blaster and runs after her] Jango: Wait who Tholme: Who Quinlan: Who Jango: [looks at Leia] Leia: I don't know who that is either! Ahsoka, already wrestling a teenager to the ground: Oh no, you're a child, REX STUN HIM AND GRAB THE CUFFS, I'M SURE FETT OR THOLME HAS SOME

Fighting him isn't even legal, they have NO evidence of criminal wrongdoing, so first she needs to yell until he admits to something she can fight him about

Ahsoka: When I see Maul, it's on SIGHT Maul: WHO ARE YOU

Ahsoka: The Force didn't give me hands just to NOT throw them when I run into That Crafty Son Of A Bitch

Ben, when they arrive, after the tearful reunion: You... you brought Maul. Ahsoka: Well, yeah, he's fifteen and kinda dumb. I figured we could drag him here and force him into therapy, see what happens. Ben: I can't quite tell through the gag, but I think he's threatening to feed you your own spleen. Ahsoka: Lol, yeah.

Ben is absolutely on team "get Maul therapy" and will fight the Council on rehabilitating the baby Sith But also it's like. Here's your daughter! And your niece! And your daughter's QPP! Also your best friend, but baby, and his teacher, and the biological origin of a number of people you cared for deeply! AND ALSO THE GUY WHO SPENT LITERAL DECADES CRAVING YOUR DEATH, FOR SOME REASON

I just really want Ahsoka lovingly bullying Maul She gives him noogies and the horns don't protect him because girl has reinforced gloves

Maul's only allowed a low-power training saber and his fights with Sokari involve Much Taunting by her and Eventual Screaming by him, and everyone pops by to see: 1. Sokari doing the most absurd flips, for fun. 2. The bullshit that is ataru-shien reverse-grip jar'kai in the hands of someone who makes it work 3. What a Sith lightsaber form looks like 4. Just the general nonsense that is the way these two fight

Tia said “Wrt ridiculous flips. I'm remembering that time she beheaded four Kryst'ad at once.” and I just Rex brings up the quadruple beheading at one point to get someone to stop asking questions and the awkward, horrified silence almost makes him regret it. And then Sokari just snorts and makes a joke about how Rex once speared a slaver point-blank and everyone's just like hello??? "are you two okay" "no"

Maul absolutely starts crushing on Sokari after a 'sword under chin' moment and she's just very "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you're fifteen, bye" GO MAKE PUPPY EYES AT OBI-WAN OR SOMETHING

The crushes are the worst part of everything, really, she's an attractive young woman that can kick a lot of ass, and a lot of people are into that! Unfortunately, most of those people are a decade younger than she is, mentally, because all the people her actual age look at her and see a child on account of the 17yo body.

It’s almost a good thing she’s in no place mentally for a relationship.

I just want Ahsoka to wear beskar.... I think that would be Nice........

This AU is also what caused this post.

I'm deeply enamored by the idea that Ahsoka can win fights against "older" padawans pretty much unilaterally, even when they team up 2v1 And then she offers to fight 5v1 "But only if I have permission to fight dirty." Ben approves it, a horror show full of "I fought many wars and will scream in your face or kick you in the balls if that's what it takes" follows She wins. There are no permanent injuries, but her reputation certainly gets weirder. Nobody under the rank of Knight agrees to let her fight dirty again. She just lets that stand because, well, she's not actually a padawan, she's thirty-three.

I’m not going to write this but my brain was EVIL and suggested it:

IT WOULD BE REALLY SAD IDK maybe 9yo Anakin has nightmares about what's happening to baby Ahsoka because bullshit about time-traveling force bonds IDK ANYWAY he cries to Sokari about the nightmares and she's like "oh shit" and it's time to go rescue herself from motherfucker unlimited

It's either that or she's like, expecting to welcome mini-me aaaany day now, for like, several months, before she realizes Something Went Wrong. Anakin’s dreams could even start right as she’s starting to realize something’s off.

Obi-Wan has never had a padawan that doesn't at some point bite Even Luke will, when pushed

OH also once the twins get Baby's First Lightsaber (training sabers, not real kyber), Sokari begs to borrow them for a dumb joke and tells Rex to get on her shoulders for a "Grievous Greeting" and they do The Thing

Jango and Ahsoka wrt Quinlan is just “Do I need to beat him up for you” “You realize I’ve beaten up sith lords before?”

JANGO'S TRYING He's just. "Can we be friends? Can I--can I be the guy that just noticeably gets in the way of a creep on the subway so you can be more comfortable without someone making a scene? I'm fucking trying here, give me a hint."

We didn’t actually figure out Jango’s age until this point. The only reason Fett's age matters is for Quinlan making a Wild Oats quip after Jango says he didn't know about Rex until a few weeks ago, and Fett going "How old do you think I am? And how old do you think the kid is?" and Quinlan getting Very Awkward as he does the math. Rex overhears and lets Quinlan sweat for a bit before saying "I'm a genetically-modified clone someone grew in a tube, he didn't know or have reason to know until he saw me with Sokari." Which is like. Eight additional layers of WTF, obviously, but at least Jango gets to avoid awkward wild oats jokes

Like, you’d expect the rebuttal to be ‘he’s my brother just with a biiig age gap’ or ‘he’s my nephew’

I find it very unfortunate for Quinlan that I've decided his defining characteristic in this context is going to be repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth

He’s trying so hard but "That sounds like a cool thing, maybe I'll ask ab--and it's another fucking trauma."

I'm doing Ahsoka&Jango t w i c e (there’s another fic where I’m doing it)

It’s just a fun dynamic! So much resentful respect.

Like she's twenty seconds away from calling him a bitch at any given time and he's just there like "I don't like you but I do see you move like you're about to tell an entire building to get on their knees with their hands in the air and I can respect that" Also she's probably much less judgmental about using blasters than Obi-Wan is The Maul subplot actually started with me daydreaming about Ahsoka grabbing a blaster for Reasons

I like the idea of Jango just deciding the most Useful thing he can do is help teach the Smol how to fight. He's AWKWARD around Rex and Soka because he doesn't know if there's anything he CAN teach them.

I didn’t actually plan for Tholme to figure out the age thing, he just SAID it and I had to sit there like Wait.

Ahsoka, Rex & Leia: ahhh, children Tholme: you say that like you aren’t children

I liked getting to write Rex's little "I have worked with all of them, and they're all Terrible" He loves them But They once got stranded on a planet that didn’t exist and Ahsoka died and Anakin killed a god.

There was research and discussion as to whether Ahsoka could win against Tholme but seeing as she held her own against Vader, and fought Grievous at that physical age without dying, etc.... yeah, the only thing holding her back was her body not being what she was used to, and she’s had a few weeks go adjust.

“I miss being able to just jump off skyscrapers” is such a jedi thing

Jango: I'll take the gun back if he tries to leave, they can't get far before--WHAT THE FUCK He knows Jedi are scary but he’s still not really used to just how over the top ridiculous they are He knows how to deal with Jedi in battle, not Whatever The Fuck These People Are Doing

Rex isn't even a Jedi, he's just so used to working with them. “Oh yes time for free-falling without a parachute again, same shit as always.”

Tia: I’m imagining Jango freaking out and Quinlan and Tholme being like. Concerned but mostly exasperated Clearly if they’re jumping off buildings it must be serious? But jfc they could’ve maybe communicated a bit more?

Leia: I want to finish my juice Tholme: Quin, stay with her while we go figure out what those two are doing. Quinlan: Wait what

Jango: Oh now he’s jumping off a building too??? Tholme: Sokari, you are not registered! You can't legally jump out windows yet! Jango: What the hell is going on? Is this normal?

We don’t necessarily know how often Ahsoka and Maul ran into each other after Mandalore. There was the later thing on Malachor, but other than that I'm just going with the idea that they ran into each other every year or two and just went for the eyes like feral cats

Ahsoka: I need to kick ass and you're coming with me. Rex: Yeah, okay. [several minutes later] Rex: Whose ass are we kicking?

Ahsoka and Rex

Neloms aren’t a SW fruit to the best of my knowledge, I just wanted to mess around with lemons/melons

Jango: you didn’t think any of this through, did you? Rex: you were there, you know we didn’t "When the Jedi says to jump out a window, I jump out a window."

Tholme’s real composed about stalking the ancient nigh-mythical enemy of his people, very “Life is already so goddamn weird”

This fic has been so heavy on the trauma but then I introduce Maul and suddenly it's the worst kind of comedy Nobody is competent, everyone's a little dumb, the bad guy is just grocery shopping

My propensity for banter has turned this into a six-person buddy cop comedy about Maul buying grapes They spend a significant amount to time ineffectually stalking Maul before Quin suggests the sensible option Quinlan just "You remember this is my literal job and specialty right"

Ahsoka sees Maul and all her brain cells go out the window except "Fight good" Usually she doesn’t need to worry about doing things legally. Maybe she needs to worry about someone seeing her do illegal things but she spent the past 15 yrs in a place where her existing was illegal

I feel like he’s also maybe kinda wanting to reassert that yes he is competent. Bc like. Ahsoka’s been kinda condescending this whole time and also can beat everyone up so. It's not his fault that he's actually the youngest person there, but.

Jango is finding this whole being friendly to Jedi thing a lot more overwhelming than he thought it would be. And overwhelming in different ways.

Maul usually signifies things getting worse and more horrifyingly tragic but he's just a dumb teen that they needed to arrest for his own good.

Quinlan: Look, I'm useful! Ahsoka: I've been through hell, wanna hear? Quinlan: NO. I DON'T. WHY.

Quinlan: I understand the concept of joking about your traumas, I do it sometimes myself! But sith hells that’s a lot of trauma.

Quinlan just wanted her to treat him as a Competent Individual, and here she is whipping out stories about Dying and Gods and the Force insists it's the truth and he just???? And apparently emo darksider over there is a Sith. And just, sure. Why not

A lot of people’s interactions with the time travelling disaster lineage is just

Tholme and Fett arguing and  Ahsoka's just waiting for a moment to pop in with "Hey, when's the last time either of you worked with the other's culture before this mess? Yeah, that's what I thought."

Much like Leia and Ahsoka hurting each other earlier, and Tholme figuring out the de-aging, we ALSO have Fett’s confrontation with Ahsoka being something the characters just did, rather than something I planned.

FTR the only time I managed to trigger myself while writing this fic was the “your behavior isn’t actually acceptable and we’ve all been trying really hard to give you room to recover but you have to at least make an effort to not be a bitch”

Writing about people having PTSD and symptoms of such: Yay! Writing about people having PTSD and engaging in toxic behavior to cope: Shit Ahsoka had... basically my exact reaction. It's "remind yourself that you're in the wrong, that they have a point, and then be overly formal in the apology because fuck if you accidentally make them feel sorry for you when they're the injured party"

Quinlan: Can we be friends? I mean, you're an asshole, but you're really cool. Let's be friends. (He MIGHT be nursing a crush) (Neat mysterious girl who can beat him up.)

Also he realises she's probably nicer when not having a slow-motion breakdown He's like "Huh, you'll probably be less of an asshole once you've gotten therapy."

...also, she pretty and got Nice Biceps

I love writing a good mental breakdown

I was so close to including a "he tried to kill me" just early enough for Jango to wildly misinterpret as her thinking Quinlan tried to kill her. He'd have been very confused, considering Quinlan's the one that called them down in a panic and currently has Ahsoka having her massive breakdown in his lap But

Tia:  I could see Jango interpreting it as idk, Quin resembling someone or for a moment acting like someone who tried to kill her and she had a flashback or something like that

There's absolutely room for a couple reasonable interpretations there And "trapped in a flashback about someone who tried to kill her" is absolutely what's happening! Just. You know. For a different reason. Jango probably wouldn’t assume Quin would hurt her, for one thing he seems to like her, for another even if he did he’s smart enough to pick a way that wouldn’t be so likely to get him caught

I had to step back and actually say “Also I'm just. Wow. I'm really just shoveling QPP Rex&Ahsoka at full speed”

Me, a few weeks ago, joking: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist Me, now, entirely seriously: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist

Me, belatedly: Oh, Ahsoka being joyfully mean to people was a form of mania she was unconsciously using to build a barrier between herself and her impending meltdown

She went from "just died" to "in charge of Rex and Leia" in like. Two minutes.

Confession: I've been delighting in the mental image of this whole Mess leading Jango to try to retake Mandalore, and Ahsoka loans him a saber for a 1v1 to get the darksaber.

“Can’t I just fight him barehanded? That’s how I did it on Galidraan.” "But the drama, Fett!"

Probably Rex has learned how to use a saber as well, because you never know when you have to borrow a weapon

I later changed my mind to Jango asking her to help, rather than her just sneak-teaching him, but it was funny.

Background nonsense to all this is Ahsoka and Rex, despite Rex being as force-sensitive as a lump of coal, having developed a process where she can extend her sensitivity to him mind-to-mind for weird symbiotic battle trance that scares everyone around them. It’s very similar to Battle meditation.

CONTEXT FOR LEIA BEING WORRIED ABOUT THOLME HIDING THINGS: Tholme is hiding the fact that the Council reached out and told him that the people he picked up might be connected to Ben and Luke, who showed up after the Depa thing but a solid week and change before Jango's ship makes it to the Temple. They asked that he not share that information to avoid getting anyone's hopes up in case the two situations aren't related. Ben and Luke haven't shared enough information for anyone to really be sure if the other three are connected Because the info Tholme has isn't quite the info Jango has, etc. And they can't just say Ben is a future Obi-Wan over comms

I just have a lot of feelings about people trying to do something right and just. Nobody's at fault! Not really! It's just complicated!

Tia: I like how when Ahsoka isn’t doing maladaptive trauma response stuff she’s very mature. And of course she’s had to be but it’s a good like, contrast. Where when she slows down to think about things she’s very sensible

Jango just spends most of this story lowkey wanting Ahsoka to Be His Friend but there's too much baggage that he's only metaphysically responsible for

Local aroace(?) has a squish

Ahsoka: He just wants to get on my good side because of Rex. Jango: I'm pretty sure you could kill an entire army without trying but you wouldn't because you have actual morals and stuff... and when I met you it was because you were killing yourself trying to keep (what appeared to be) children safe... you seem cool please be my friend.......

Ahsoka’s #1 weakness: mountains of trauma Ahsoka’s #2 weakness: she just doesn’t get why so many people think she’s cool and want her to be their (girl)friend

Jango, a 27yo massacre survivor who's killed Jedi masters with his bare hands: [gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly]

Ahsoka was raised in a religious meritocracy but developed all her opinions during a galactic war and then became a vigilante spy, Rex comes from a military cult, Leia is from an inherited monarchy that participates in democracy, Quinlan was originally from what appears to be a dynastic dictatorship, and IDK about Tholme other than that he is also from the religious meritocracy. And in legends Quinlan came to the religious meritocracy after his aunt sacrificed his parents to a vampire cult and then forced him to experience the psychometric echoes of that. There's just. A lot going on.

Leia at least has knowledge about structure and admin in theory that isn't based in either the military or populations under 10k

Jango: I want to be your friend. Ahsoka: Sounds fake.

I am unfairly fond of "Rex destroys a conversation by bringing up his own horrifying childhood and calling it a cult"

"Why does Sokari call you 'Rex'ika'?" "Because she's older than me." "...can I--?" "No."

Nickname privileges are extended ONLY to Ahsoka and older clones. There are no more older clones, so it's just Ahsoka.

Me joking about Star Wars AUs: Would you like a crackship? Me writing actual Star Wars fic: My favorite character type is apparently “too traumatized to have a relationship” so this is at least 90% gen.

I had to pull a scene opening at one point because Ahsoka's skill with not getting shot is actually much less useful than Tholme's clearance levels.

Now I really want a team-up of Ahsoka, Rex, and Jango where they do have to get in a dogfight of the "she flies, we shoot" variety and Fett just has to scream because the speeder thing to catch Maul was one thing, but this....

Ahsoka, before TCW: I know all the traffic rules but I'm not that great at flying! Ahsoka, after TCW: I'm great at flying but if you let me behind the wheel we are absolutely getting arrested.

She went from "knows the rules but doesn't have the skills" to "has the skills but primarily in the form of not getting shot" which! Is delightful! "Bet I can get us through that alley--" "DO NOT"

Jango and Ahsoka are both just very "Is this friendship? Is this camaraderie? My heart's been fried on platonic love by so many murders that I'm not sure anymore." "I've lost a lot of friends. I kind of forgot how to make those."

I have no idea if "hasn't been closer than Alderaan except that one trip to Chandrila" is canon-compliant but ehhhhhhhh It feels plausible enough?

Belatedly realized that I could just explain my optimal Rex&Ahsoka dynamic as just... drift compatible. It's vague enough on the specifics while still digging into the meat of what they mean to each other and how they work together. The terminology is already in existence. I can just use it.

Romantic? Platonic? Familial? Doesn't matter! They're drift compatible.

They are important to each other and that is what matters

I really like the Leia&Quinlan thing. He's just like "This small child needs a friend that isn't super depressed," and decided he's going to be her friend. I keep trying to toss in "Quinlan volunteers to 'baby'sit." She's not much older and she has a Baby Brain, it works out

There's a running bet as to whether Leia will leave the Order the second she turns thirteen, or if she'll let Sokari "train" her for a few years first. And... that’s how I came up with Leia Antilles, Senator of Serenno.

They'll be bullshitting Ben as her new master to "finish out the padawanship" since they can't tell everyone she's really in her thirties and he's conveniently there and already knows everything and was half her master anyway. Like Ben was planning on taking on Luke, but Luke is "six" and even he can't swing that as old enough to be a Padawan, and it's not like Sokari will take more than a handful of years to justify knighthood, sooooooooo

[lunarmessenger]

Figure Skating (RFA, V, + Saeran)

I always wanted to be a figure skater hahahaaa so have this! ilysm x - luna (also i couldn’t find the proper gif to show what MC did in Jumin’s headcanon but oh well please don’t hate me)

Zen

• He’d just landed a role that involved ice skating so he’d decided to take lessons right away

• He was already pretty graceful while walking normally so there was no surprise when he’d picked it up right away

• You always attended his practices and one day mused that you’d love to help him practice a scene or two

• He was fully ready to help you out too once you two had gotten to the skating rink

• “Be careful MC it’s pretty slippery when you first step on~”

• “I appreciate that Zen but I think I’ll be okay” and you laced up your skates for the first time in a few years

• He held his hands out for you but you slid right past him and did a couple of laps around the rink to sort of warm up and by now he was like “Oh okay I guess you got it”

• Then all of a sudden you do a toe loop??? On the way to him? Like it was no big deal? And his jaw just about hits the floor?

• “WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO DO THAT MC AND HOW COME YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!?!”

• He’s a little butt hurt that he wasn’t told sooner but forgets about it an hour later when you allow him to use you as a model to help him practice for his role (and he gets the excuse to touch your hips and thighs whenever he wants now huehuehue)

Yoosung:

• He was a little nervous since it was a little class trip (and almost decided to just stay home with you and play LOLOL)

• He’s also not very active but never mind that MC “I just don’t want to hurt myself doing this please don’t make me go”

• You do manage to convince him to go since “Yoosung I used to skate and since you can bring a plus one can we go???”

• There was no way he could resist your cute face

• That weekend you both show up to the rink, you excited with your old skates while Yoosung is more excited to show you off to his friends from class (look they’re so pretty I told you guys I have a partner now leave me alone)

• Yoosung clings to you when you both get on the ice but he lets go after about half an hour once he gets a hold of the basics

• “Can I go skate now, can I, can I?”

• Damn it you’re so cute MC “Sure but be careful since they’re being a bit rowdy out there”

• Then zoom you are off before Yoosung can even blink

• When you have enough room you whip out a Salchow and Yoosung is absolutely floored (so are his classmates lol)

• “Did you see Yoosung did you see?”

• “Yes MC let’s go home” He didn’t like how his classmates were suddenly staring at you for the rest of the trip, and he promised you guys could go again when it was just the two of you.

Jaehee:

• She’d found a small coffee club that went ice skating every weekend and figured it’d be a great stress reliever for the two of you (especially since you’d told her that you’d been figure skating since you were a child)

• You were beyond excited, and that alone was enough to motivate Jaehee to try her hardest once you’d gone to the club

• The club was full of both beginners and experienced skaters so everyone was pretty comfortable and it was a judgement free zone

• Jaehee had managed to hop from one foot to the next and was extremely proud mind you because “look MC I didn’t fall this time”

• And while you encouraged her a lot you really wanted to show her what you knew how to do so when the club allowed some space for the more experienced skaters you immediately pushed yourself off the wall and started to skate

• You slowly built yourself up until you pulled off a triple loop, the scarf around your neck twirling with you as you landed perfectly and skated back towards Jaehee

• She was definitely a little enchanted by how graceful you looked and clapped the loudest amongst everyone in the group

• Vowed that you two would go back weekly just so you could teach her how to do that

Jumin:

• He’d had the sudden idea of opening a cat themed skating rink (especially since he’d seen you looking fondly at your pair of ice skates)

• You were so excited (you honestly didn’t care if it were alligator themed you just wanted to skate) that you asked if the other RFA members could join????

• He strongly opposed but ended up giving in anyways

• He also mainly wanted to see Zen suffer from his cat allergy but that was his own selfish gain and not yours

• It was extremely private and everybody was having fun just lazily gliding across the ice (Jumin stayed by the bleachers with a glass of wine he would not be caught dead ice skating)

• And then you finally finished lacing up your skates and you were so excited you almost fell on your way onto the ice

• “MC please be careful; maybe you should sit with me a little longer?”

• He suddenly was wondering if maybe you hadn’t skated in a while because you weren’t that good at it??? Since you almost fell before you even got on the ice?

• “I’m fine Jumin I know what I’m doing.”

• “Alright as long as you—” And he was cut off because you were suddenly gracefully gliding circles around everybody else (who suddenly stopped skating and just grabbed on to the nearby wall to watch)

• Then you suddenly did the flip maneuver (you wanted to do something a bit more extravagant but you didn’t want to fall on accident knowing Jumin would forbid you from skating ever again if you got hurt)

• “Excuse me MC do that again” He pulled out his phone to take pictures and videos (you swore you saw a slight blush and knew he was impressed)

• They all ended up blurry but luckily Saeyoung had managed to take a few photos for him

Saeyoung:

• He’d recently binge watched an anime (you can guess which one) and he was suddenly obsessed with the idea of ice skating

• “MC let’s go ice skating” “What???”

• “PLEASE I know this amazing rink and we can drive one of my baby’s every day to get to it please MC?!?!?!”

• You figured saying yes wouldn’t hurt since he never stayed fixated for more than a month

• And it gave you a chance to get back into doing what you used to be so passionate about

• Of course he knew that you used to ice skate (due to that totally legal background check haha don’t worry about it MC) so he figured you’d go along with it

• He was right damn it

• He beat you on the ice immediately and fell like three times but he didn’t care because he was going to get it down even if he broke a leg to do it

• “Saeyoung please I am not strong enough to carry you back to the car if you hurt yourself”

• You smiled though because it was fun to see him slowly get little jumps down here and there

• “Hey MC can you show me one of your favorite moves?? I wanna see if I can do it!”

• “Okay but it’s gonna be a bit more advanced than I think you can handle right now.”

• “Oh please—” Before he could even finished you pulled out the most stunning triple lutz he’d ever seen??

• He begged you to teach him and you promised you would as long as he kept it up for longer than a month (and you got to come with him of course)

• He tried to pick you up to do a trick with you after two tries and it took you screaming like a banshee for him to put you down “because you will kill us Saeyoung” (he didn’t try again)

V:

• After he’d had the surgery he decided to pick up photography again

• A family friend had wanted him to take photos of his son’s skating for his portfolio for future events and shows

• He’d mentioned it in passing, not knowing how much you loved skating and was a little surprised at how quickly you’d asked if you could come along

• Of course he said yes why would he ever say no to you????

• Once you’d gotten to the rink you tried your best to stay calm since obviously he was there for work and not just pleasure

• But of course you’d brought your skates just in case there would be a bit of down time where you could skate

• There was but only because V asked for it when he saw how excited you were to be there

• You had never laced up your skates so fast, but you were careful because you could feel his eyes on you

• You’d brought your iPod with you for some simple music; it was quiet enough to where it didn’t echo throughout the rink, but it was loud enough that both you and V could hear it

• It was soft piano music, and as it played you gracefully started to skate along the empty rink

• V was completely entranced, and when you decided to do an axel jump in the middle of the dance a small gasp escaped his lips because wow how did he get so damn lucky???

• You were nervous, finishing off the routine and slowly skating back towards V who was on the bleachers with his camera sitting beside him

• “Get any good pictures?” He blushed and looked down slightly embarrassed

• “I uh, no—would you mind doing that again?”

Saeran:

• You both suffered from major anxiety and the only way you managed to get through it was to skate it out at least once a week

• But he didn’t know that so when you would leave the house for hours on end he was starting to get worried (though he would obviously never show it)

• So he decided to follow you one day without you knowing (and he forced his poor brother to go with him smh)

• “Saeyoung help me find out where MC is always going”

• “...you could always ask her I mean—”

• “No. Shut up and help me.”

• They of course followed you and saw you walk inside the skating rink (though Saeyoung refused to leave his car)

• Saeran stayed hidden in the shadows while you slowly stepped onto the ice and glided around for a moment, rolling your neck and shoulders to loosen them up

• And then you were off, the entire place silent except for the sound of your skates cutting into the ice as you raced around the rink

• You did multiple jumps from an axel, to a lutz, without missing a single step

• He was beyond mesmerized, his eyes focusing entirely on you (he didn’t even realize when he’d started to slowly shift out of the shadows to get a closer look at you)

• Each move was extremely aggressive, and it was then he could tell that you were letting out every frustration and worry in this routine

• Then to tie off the routine and let go of all your anxiety you let one of your legs bend out behind you while you leaned backwards, bringing your arms up for balance as you spun faster and faster and then slowly came to a halt while standing upright.

• You were breathing hard, chest heaving as he let out a soft wow

• “If you’re done spying on me; can I come sit with you?”

• “I wasn’t spying MC” He grumbled, refusing to look you in the eye while you made your way over and sat next to him you reveled in how he blushed at being caught staring

• You apologized for worrying him and pecked him on the cheek, while he looked away again and wrapped an arm around you and brought you closer still couldn’t hide that blush tho huehuehueheuue

[backtothestart02]

The Heart of the Matter - 5/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: Okay, I swear Iris is in the next chap. Lol. There’s lots of referring to her here though, if that’s any consolation!! But yes, lots of Iris and lots of westallen next chap, so yaaaay. <3 Anyways, enjoy! Thanks loads for reading. :)

...

Chapter 4 -

A flurry of memories flew by on the film, but before HR could ask why they were skipping so many, Nora broke in with her beautiful narrator’s voice.

“Years passed, and Barry Allen grew up. He took up a position at his father’s Allen Brothers’ Building and Loan after high school, so he could save up money to go to college and a trip around the world before that. He wanted to see it all and do it all, and as a mother, well…I wanted it all for him.”

The film paused on Barry’s adult face.

“Is that him?” HR asked.

“Yes, it is,” Nora said warmly. “Just 21 years old. Can you believe it?”

“Twenty-one…” he repeated. “That’s a good face for 21.”

The ornery angel rolled his eyes.

“You were saying, Nora?” he drawled.

“Yes, of course. This here is a big day for Barry. He’s looking to buy a suitcase for his travels…and here, look, Mr. Singh bought him the biggest one and had his name embroidered on it.”

“What a guy!” HR declared.

“Yes, indeed. And see, here he’s talking with old friends.”

“He’s pretty popular, that Barry.”

“Mhmm. And here…well, here’s Linda.”

“Wow! What a looker! That dress is-”

“Yes, she’s pretty, alright. And I’m afraid to say my baby boy fell victim to her charms just like every other hopeless fool in town.”

“But…But what about Iris? Doesn’t he end up with her?” HR frowned, and Nora smiled.

“Just wait and see.”

Nora went quiet and the film resumed.

.

Dancing around with Barry in her room upstairs, Jesse was all giggles and stolen champagne as they celebrated her high school graduation.

“Can you believe it, Barry? Can you really believe I did?”

Barry snorted, even as he danced and downed some champagne himself.

“Are you kidding, Jess? You’re 10 times smarter than I am. You’re 16 and graduated! You’re going to knock ‘em dead in college.”

She sobered up a bit.

“When I get there.”

“Hey now, it’s just a little over four years.”

“But in the meantime I have to work in that shabby, little office where Dad does. Barry, you can’t stand it either!”

He ran his hands down her arms and took her hands in his.

“Let’s not think about that tonight, okay? I promise I’ll get through school as quick as I possibly can, so your genius mind can flourish.” He leaned in when her mood didn’t appear to change. “You’re graduated, Jess, remember? And you look absolutely beautiful.”

Despite herself, Jesse lit up.

“I do look pretty stunning, don’t I?” She spun a bit in her dress.

“The most stunning,” he assured her.

“Prettier than Linda?” she dared, and to his chagrin he hesitated a moment too long.

“Who’s Linda?” he asked, with a grin, saving himself.

She smacked him lightly, and they began to dance again, until their mother called for dinner, and they regretfully had to put a stop to their celebrations to go down and eat.

Barry came down the stairs first and held out his arm in a low bow for Jesse to follow.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…Jesse Quick.”

“Quick, huh?” Nora raised her eyebrows. “If you’d taken any longer, your father and I would be old and gray.”

Henry Allen reached up to touch his own hair, covering the bits of gray that were starting to show through.

“That’s on me, mom, not Jess.” Barry turned and winked at Jesse. “Besides, doesn’t she look beautiful?”

Jesse blushed a little and Nora nodded.

“She does.” She went over to the young girl and cupped her face in her hands. “My shining star.”

“Mom,” Jesse choked, her voice thick with emotion.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” HR said, causing Nora to stop the film.

“I thought Jesse wasn’t her- your daughter. Doesn’t she…know that?”

“She knows.” Nora nodded. “But she was also very young when she came to live with us.”

“You’re the only mother she really knew?” HR asked.

“Two years old is a young age to lose both parents.”

HR sighed, now depressed.

“Okay, enough frowns, you guys,” the ornery angel surprisingly interrupted, picking up the remote. “Let’s watch what comes next.”

The film resumed.

“Jesse, darling, are you staying for dinner or going ahead to the party? I haven’t seen you eat a thing since breakfast.”

“Well, I’ve been busy, mom…graduating.” She smiled and snatched up a couple carrots from the dish in the center of the table.

“Yes, I know, honey, but-”

“Aww, mom, she’ll be all right. Won’t you, Jess?”

“Mhmm. They’ll have snacks there.”

“You see, mom. They’ll have snacks there.”

Nora’s thick frown disappeared in a heartbeat, and she laughed.

“Oh, you two.” She shook her head. “Give me a hug and a kiss, Jesse, and then go have fun. Don’t come back until you have!”

She grinned widely, then did as she was told and followed suit with Henry.

“Thanks, guys.” She turned towards Barry. “Are you coming later?”

“Oh, I don’t know…”

“Linda will probably be there.” She winked.

Barry turned a bright red. “Why…why would that matter to me?”

Jesse laughed and reached for her jacket.

“I’ll see you later.”

HR ripped the remote from the ornery angel’s hand and paused the film again, huffing dramatically.

“Barry is supposed to end up with Iris.”

“Patience-”

“He will-”

Nora turned and glared at the other angel, who had the decency to pale.

“Sorry.” He paused. “But he does.”

“Are there no surprises anymore?”

There was a moment of silence, then HR turned to the other angel.

“He does though?”

All ornery attitude disappeared, and the angel genuinely smiled.

“He does.”

Nora stole back the remote and pressed play.

“Watch,” she ordered, and the two focused back on the screen.

Silence fell in the Allen household as Nora tended to the rest of the food in the kitchen. Henry broached the subject he’d long waited to, always searching for the perfect moment. But he knew there would be no perfect moment. No time when his son would show enthusiasm for what he was about to propose. Still, it had to be said. He could only hope that in this moment Barry would see the light, see things the way his father did and follow that dream instead.

“Barry, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Yeah, dad? What is it?” He inhaled a mouthful of food and chewed quietly.

“Well, first of all, I’m going to miss you. I’m happy for you and your travels, following your dream, but I will miss you.”

“Aww, dad, it’ll only be a few months. Then I’ll be back attending college right here in town.”

“Mm.”

He knew it was a risk, but Barry asked it anyway, “What?”

“Well, it’s just…Jesse’s so young to be filling your shoes at the family business while you’re away and then at college. I wish…I wish you could take her to college with you.”

“They’d swallow her alive, Dad. She’s only 16, like you said. Besides, the Building and Loan is a great job…for her. It’ll teach her…life skills. That’s something you don’t learn in high school.”

Henry raised his eyebrows.

“For the most part,” he muttered.

“Do you really feel that way, son?”

“Well, I suppose you learn some life skills in high schoo-”

“No, not about that. About the business. You think it’s a good job?”

“Well…sure, Dad. For some people. For Jesse maybe, even though she doesn’t think so right now,” he said without thinking.

“Ah.”

“Dad, it’s not that- We’re cut from the same cloth in a way. But Jesse will learn to love it. She doesn’t have big dreams like I do. She just wants to be able to use her smarts wherever she ends up. I think she can do that there.”

“Mmm.”

“You have big dreams, Barry… to see the world, to build things that can’t be built in this little town.”

“I want to be a part of something big. Calculating numbers and living out of a shabby office, that- Well, I mean…that’s not what I mean…I-”

“I know, Barry. I know. I was only hoping…you might consider taking the business for me when you finish college.”

Barry was shell-shocked and hurt by the pressure he felt welling up in him. And yet, the thought of disappointing his father so gravely hurt too.

“Dad, I…can’t.”

Henry nodded, not meeting his eyes.

“I understand.”

Barry swallowed hard.

“You’re the best man I know,” he said, and Henry looked up at him.

“Thank you, son. That means a lot.”

He paused a beat, then slipped in his escape.

“I think I’m going to go to Jesse’s party.”

Henry forced a smile. “Have a good time, son.”

Barry got to his feet and put away his dishes, but he couldn’t bring himself to do any more than kiss his mother goodbye before heading out the door.

[fallingin-like]

november 23

the real folk blues by @annawrites [requested by @allforthebee]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this absolutely amazing and captivating fic that has the foxes as space bounty hunters and neil who is, as usual, and exceptionally skilled runaway. set away some time to read this fic as soon as possible, because once you start, you won’t be able to put it down until you finish.

this is such an entertaining, fun fic and you did an amazing job at balancing the softer moments with intense, action-packed scenes. at all times i was fully immersed in the story, you handled everything so well. i’m always a fan of your writing, so it’s not a surprised that i had a wonderful experience rereading this.

bits that stood out to me:

”counting stars has become a habit, something to subdue the memories” ah this is really cute and i can totally imagine canon andrew, lying on the roof of some building counting stars instead of trying to sleep

”renee cracks a chicken bone smile in the corner of her mouth” i have never heard this phrase before but i love it!

”there’s a collective intake of breath - andrew, who remembers every single bounty ever placed, can’t remember it ever being this big” for some reason, i love when this kind of thing happens. it feels so cool, knowing someone wants that character that bad and gets me excited for what kind of skills the hunted person has, to be able to evade the people looking for them (reminds me of john wick lol)

”nathaniel wesninski alias neil josten is a hacker, con artist, engineer and pilot” BLESS HIM FOR BEING SO CAPABLE AND SKILLED

matt’s infamous bell peppers and beef with no beef!!! that’s funny and i think about it surprisingly often

”renee pulls up a few more photographs of neil wesninski on the hologram screen. she deals them out like cards until they fan out in a neat timeline of faded hoodies and various iterations of the same polished smile, a mouth sharpened to cutting perfection… the eyes, in contrast, look consistently hunted” holograms and just this space tech is SO cool. i love seeing how the foxes view neil before they meet him. it’s interesting how many sightings they have of him, but also how blank he seems, when we all know that there’s so much personality under that surface

”the ISSP are a bunch of corrupt, incompetent idiots” LOL

”’tone down the optimism, day,’ andrew drawls. ‘we might start overestimating our chances’” agh i love your characterization of all of these characters and this is a great example of why! and i like that you used drawls, it feels very andrew-like

”andrew waggles his fingers lazily in the air” yeah this is andrew

woah i have never seen the art for this fic (i guess because i have the fic downloaded and i just read that version instead of going on ao3, the pictures must not have downloaded) but it’s great!

gasp, i love the idea of the foxes Dressed Up

ALLISON BEING BANNED FROM PLAYING!! “her former alias - lady luck, also known as poker alice” oh this is great. for some reason, them having reputations like this really excites me

”it’s in my blind spot” ANDREW this is so funny

ahhhh i can’t believE you added the “better luck next time” line in!!

okay so the whole action part of this scene is so intense, love andrew throwing the poker chip as a diversion, and neil pretending to give up for a moment before ACTIVATING HIS ARMED SHIP AND SHOOTING EVERYONE. ugh, hearing about neil being so good at what he does (steering, hacking, while taking off his jacket) makes me love this scene so much

”vowels rolling like a pair of dice” this is so good on its own, but paired with the casino scene that precedes it? stunning

”kevin values his ship, and his life, in that order.” i can imagine. i wonder, is there competitive racing in this au? i can imagine kevin being obsessed with that

thank goodness riko is dead, one less thing (on a list of many things) to worry about. whoop and i see that easthaven has passed, good.

KEVIN DAY WITH A METAL ARM AND A TRANSMITTER PLATE THAT COVERS HIS TATTOO YEAH

oh dang limb regrowth tech in this au? wild

”’minyard and the monster, how lovely to see you again.’ neil greets him through the once more hijacked comm. they’ve been playing this game for weeks now, racing each other across the milky way like starved lovers. even allison is starting to run out of lewd jokes” i find it so interesting hearing about this relationship that’s being built between them even though they basically never meet in person, the joking from neil’s side

these hints of andrew’s eye mods are really great, i definitely didn’t notice them as much as i should have when i first read this fic, but every time after that, i appreciate little details like these more and more

RENEE WITH A KATANA YES PLEASE

”andrew shakes off the last dregs of sunday sleepiness that cling to his lips like the skin on warm milk. neil wesninski might have become a game by now, but the malcolms still mean business” ohhh boy, even knowing what comes next i get nervous hearing this. i love the contrast between the softness of what sundays mean with the conflict to come, especially when you jump right into the action

”renee pants, her voice cool and slippery like broken tiles amid the crackle of static” oh i love this description

LOL i can’t believe that andrew got matt’s dessert rations and gets to invite neil to be a part of their crew

”missions are slow and neil’s face keeps showing up on big shot, though not for lack of people trying to hunt him down.” i don’t know why but i really like this!! you go, neil!

oh oh thank you so much for the way that you describe neil alone on his ship, his hoodies, gloves, “one sad-looking sock”, “the one sock he’s wearing has holes”, talking to himself, “yet he’s still inexplicably trying to shield his robots from andrew’s gun” so cute!

”eyes like the gleaming insides of a wire in the dark” this!!!!

the! cats! neil made his robots cats!!

NEIL HACKING INTO THEIR COMMS I LOVE HIM

”neil is like a live fish under his hands, constantly wriggling and sliding out of his grip, fingers twitching back toward his abandoned project like flies caught in a spiderweb” ahh squirmy neil is super cute, “neil shivers under the touch like he’s not used to being touched at all” this doesn’t surprise me. even if i didn’t have an idea of what his childhood might have been like (with mary and nathan, i imagine there was not very much affection), he’s probably been alone for so long, when would the last time someone would have touched him? i don’t think i would be able to handle it

ahh barefoot neil is always cute

SCARS no matter how many fics i read, i always love moments when neil’s scars are revealed

NEIL RUNNING LAPS IN HIS TINY SHORTS AROUND AND AROUND AHH

”neil slinks into the room late, looking tousled and a little sticky around the edges like he’s just woken up from a nap. he freezes when he sees andrew, stuck standing right in the middle of the projection, and only moves when dan throws a cushion at him” your writing actually paints scenes in my head which for me, a person really bad at visualizing things, is really impressive. it makes the experiences of reading exponentially more interesting, and doesn’t happen that often.

renee as praying mantis!! what a perfect nickname. is she religious in this au as well? i can’t remember if any religions even exist in this au (whoops i know nothing about cowboy bebop)

”she looks stiff and faded like old newspaper in the light of the kitchen lamps” what a gem of a sentence

me: sees the nickname gorilla and gets excited because i know some action is going to go down

”the three of them would just  about reach his head if renee sat on andrew’s shoulders and lifted neil up” THIS IS AMAZING. i mean, andrew and neil are tiny but they are not that tiny

”andrew begins tonelessly, tracing patterns into neil’s skin” if we ignore the fact that andrew is telling a terrible terrible story, this is so soft

”his breathing is viscous now, like syrup in his lungs. his left eye aches and the corner of his mouth twitches painfully into the ghost of a manic grin. he bites his tongue and it tastes like the word please” i am speechless but i really wanted to acknowledge this sentences lakjsdf

NEIL WINNING THE BET ABOUT BEING ABLE TO STEAL THINGS FROM THE VENDOR AND ROBBING THE MAN JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. uGH you do such a good job of integrating humour like this into your story and having it fit the tone and pacing of the fic effortlessly.

excuse me how is it possible that you followed such a lighthearted scene with something so devastating as andrew explaining his past to allison and neil and have it still flow??? “because… i did not mean for you to get hurt” ANDREW YOU’RE SO GOOD

”he’s smoking outside and watching the dusk unfurl like an exotic flower when there’s a crash inside the store” this description is so gorgeous

what in the world, andrew i don’t even know how to describe you. he really just helps catch the robbers with his headphones on while choosing things to buy, killing a dude, then checking out, no big deal???? i understand neil’s attraction to him a little bit more now…

andrew and renee sharing clothes is now canon, please and thank you

oh no, lola is Bad News, especially when it comes to threatening neil’s family

NEIL PACKING ANDREW’S LEATHER JACKET AHH

”the bebop crew are basically overgrown children and react very well to the little sugary rewards for good behaviour” yeah this is very true haha

”’your blatant flirting woke me up,’ matt grins weakly. ‘can i have a lollipop too, neil?” i remember this whole scene so well, the second the infirmary was mentioned i knew it was lollipop time. matt, is basically how i feel right now HAH

woah wymack taking care of bonsai trees? i didn’t know i needed that in my life so badly. just like neil and the twins, so tiny :’)

uhm so, the tape that nicky sent to andrew? it’s actually making me cry (which is super rare for fics) “i hope you know that i love you”, “things aren’t so easy at the moment, and maybe they still aren’t easy for you watching this ten years from now, but i’ll always be there for you, and for aaron, too. i hope that one day we can be a family. happy birthday, my little piyoko, don’t eat all the cake by yourself!” i love this so much, and it makes me so sad and happy. this nicky is so good, and as much as i think andrew needed to see this, i think that i needed to read this more. thank you

nicky calling the twins his little piyokos, his lucky birds ;-;

the reunion scenes are so good, i really don’t think i can write anything that sufficiently describes how i feel. the way that nicky acts, the new relatives, older aaron, it all feels so right, so real.

andrea minyard deserves her own bullet point

neil just goes and makes all the police ships crash by controlling them remotely just for andrew to be hit by a moon rock?!?!?

”something irritatingly warm rises and swells inside andrew like yeast dough and he plunges his fists into it and kneads it into submission, twists it until all that remains is sticky, frothy anger” and “andrew sits down on a crate and prods at the yeasty mass still fermenting in his insides. the sudden bloating of anger has subsided to the usual starchy nothingness, but there’s a sugary residue of unease that he doesn’t want to examine any further right now” as much as i adore your jokes and beautiful descriptions of scenes, sentences like these ones that blow me away completely are why you’re one of my favourite fanfic authors. these are the kinds of sentences that i carry with me even after i am finished reading

”i can’t decide if you two are more like toddlers or like an old married couple… either way, it’s really bizarre to see andrew having feelings other than hate and destruction” LOL

thea is the coolest person ever

”kevin makes a noise like a dying dog” me too, kevin

NONONONONO ICHIROU AND JEAN AND EASTHAVEN

thank goodness neil is here

apparently i am very fond of the words “juice pack” and think it is cute. why? i also do not know

huh, riko naming his identity kevin king?? feels… not good

oh boy, lola is back

ANDREW CAN PICK OPEN HIS HANDCUFFS THANK YOU FOR THIS

is it bad if i am happy that all these people are dying (proust, lola, etc.)

NEIL AMPUTATES NATHAN’S HAND WITH A CLEAVER WHILE HE’S HOLDING A CLEAVER AND THEN KILLS HIM LDKSJFLK

oh dang, it’s stuart (i trust him)

andrew’s eye! thank goodness, because although it kind of sucks, it also Really Does Not Suck

”it’s stiff and awkward and neil quickly wriggles out of it. kevin must be really shaken up, because he tries andrew next. andrew waits passively until he’s close and then steps to the side at the last moment, smothering his amusement in a cough when kevin walks straight into the wall with open arms. serves him right for thinking even for a second that andrew would let him” LOL i love you, anna, so so much

money!! woohoooooo (or should i say woolonghooo okay sorry that’s like the world’s worst pun)

BELL PEPPERS AND BEEF WITH ACTUAL BEEF AND NO PEPPERS YES! what a great way to bring things full circle, even though it’s small

sweet dumplings filled with fruit? i am intrigued

THE SHIRT

i can’t not acknowledge the bit with the key, neil is too clever for his own good

we finally get to see bee! ugh i love the relationship between bee and andrew

”they may be marks of destruction, but they are still andrew’s; still proof of his existence” yeah (like a good yeah)

interesting about andrew’s memory not being as good without his left eye. does he have eidetic memory in this au? maybe it’s better if he doesn’t

i remember the first time i read this fic, in startling detail. this fic was so good then, and it has been just as good, if not better, every time i have reread it

it’s kind of embarrassing, but one of the things that i remember distinctly (among a lot of other things) is the noodles! reading this fic never fails to make me want to eat instant noodles

so one thing about me is that i am actually really bad at visualizing things. when i read stories, i can never imagine what a character looks like, i just see the feature that is being highlighted at the moment, and the second that sentence ends, that image is gone. like i just have a magnifying glass to someone’s face but i can’t piece together the parts. it makes it so that i often struggle with the visualization of stories. but something about your writing makes it easy for me to pictures scenes happening. everything is so vivid, and real (hence, the instant noodle cravings lol) and i love that so much. it’s so special.

the flow of this fic is amazing, the characterization is incredibly authentic and really helps with carrying the plot. you integrated lighthearted scenes with pure angst and awful things (easthaven) and i’m honestly curious as to the cowboy bebop episodes you took inspiration from. this fic was so well written, you are so skilled at introducing characters, locations, plot points, although i’m not familiar with this universe i wasn’t confused at any point. you explained everything without me noticing. this was just a breathtaking fic. thank you so much for writing this!!

[leximpwrites]

Seeker 1

The first part of my current project! Please bear in mind that this is still a work in progress, and these may or may not be the final versions. As always, feedback is appreciated and encouraged! Also an fyi, these chapters will probably average between 1,500 and 2,500 words each, so I’ll be sticking them behind page breaks. Also just so you guys know what you’re getting into. Lol

@officialleehadan​ @kitvinslakte​ @nox919​ @dierotenixe​ @stuck-in-theclouds​ @gyvorn12​ @apenvssword​ @wildforestferret​ @krceramics​ @starsdreaming​ @wordsdreaming

The musical ringing of a sword clearing its sheath is actually the first sign of trouble, though to be completely honest, I'm really not paying attention to the rest of the bar. I'm intent on the map in front of me, and the places the owner is marking on it. 

I turn to look over my shoulder and see three toughs, blades drawn, facing off against a pair of personal guards who are escorting a young noble boy, and who is currently hiding behind them. 

"Ye spilled mah drink, ye stupid cur!" snarls the largest of the three. He has the rolling burr of the mountain tribes to the north, and a face only a mother could love, nose clearly having been broken in three places, several ugly scars, and a large wart on his left cheek. 

"Back off, commoner!" the older of the two guards growls back, a short sword in one hand, a long knife in the other. He has the air of an experienced fighter, and I would bet good money on him being able to handle any two of the three in front of him without too much effort. "I'm no fool! You were trying to lift milord's purse!"

"Liar!" the northerner yells, and lunges forward. 

He doesn't even get close.

I'm always impressed with how quiet my apprentice can be when he has a mind to. Even I'm slightly surprised when Jax seems to materialize out of nowhere behind the three thugs. He catches the leader almost out of midair, and tosses him halfway across the room. The thug lands on a table, which was never made to take that kind of abuse, and crashes to the floor. Before the other two can react, he grabs each one by their collars, and slams them into each other. Stunned, they collapse in a heap on the floor.

The situation dealt with, Jax looks up and catches my eye, before smiling sheepishly. "Sorry, sir."

"No, good job, Jax," I tell him approvingly. I turn back to the barkeep and hand him several gold regents, and then several more. "These are for the mess and table, and those are for the information." 

He bobs his head gratefully and pockets the coins. "Thankee, Sir Seeker," he says with a genuine smile. "You an' yours are always welcome 'ere." 

I nod my thanks and signal to Jax to pick up the two at his feet while I retrieve the northerner from the wreckage of the table. The young noble and his two guards take that as their cue and quietly slip out the door. I make a mental note of the house sigil on one of the guards sleeves. I’ll pay them a visit tomorrow and make sure the boy is alright. It never hurts to cultivate goodwill amongst the upper class.

"We'll drop this trash off at the Guard house on our way back to the barracks," I say, both to the barkeep and to Jax, before we turn and head outside. It's raining lightly, typical for this time of year, and it rouses the three miscreants from their semi-conscious daze. They struggle briefly, dismayed to find themselves in the custody of two Seekers. I keep a close eye on them, wary of any tricks they might have. A hidden blade, or some other unpleasantness.

"So, what did the barkeep give us, sir?" Jax asks, shoving the two men ahead of him roughly as we head down the stone street. Imperial Engineers are truly masters of their craft, the road paved with broad, triangular stones.

"Some good, solid information, and a worrying pattern," I tell him, retrieving the city map from the belt pouch I had stuffed it into. The bartender had marked a number of spots, and I point them out. "Look at the number of sightings there have been in just this district alone."

"What do you think, a nest?" he asks after looking it over, sounding a little nervous. Sometimes I forget that despite his size, Jax is still a lad. 

"Most likely," I reply as we round a corner and spot the Guard house up ahead. The soldier on duty salutes us smartly, and hands our prisoners off to one of his subordinates after we explain what happened.

I resume our conversation once we head back out into the rain. "Probably a new queen in the catacombs under the city trying to stake out its territory."

I suppose I should introduce myself before we get any further into my tale, huh?

My name is Zepara Alchanic, and I, along with my apprentice Jaxus Luteno, are Royal Seekers currently stationed in Throne City, the capital of the Human Empire. 

And what are Seekers, you ask? We're monster hunters. Damn good ones, too. Tailor made for our job through a series of alchemical and magical transformations called The Proofing. It gives us the physical traits we need to fight monsters, and years of training gives us the skills.

Sometimes, in my darker moments, I wonder just how much we give up to become what we are. 

But usually, I feel the trade is worth it. I am very good at what I do. Technically my oath is to serve the Eternal King, but I see it as less loyalty to the crown, and more loyalty to the nation and its people. My job is to hunt down and destroy monsters that threaten the lives of everyday citizens. 

But back to my tale. 

I give Jax's shoulder an encouraging pat, despite the fact that I have to reach well above my own head to do it.

 "Don't worry, lad," I say, careful to keep my tone light. No need to worry the boy. "Even a full nest isn't much of a threat to a pair of Seekers who know what they're headed into. Just stick by me, remember your training, and you'll be fine." 

That seems to lift his spirits, and he nods, then begins studiously checking over his gear. I watch him for a moment, making sure he’s doing it properly. Satisfied he’s going about it just as I taught him, I follow suit. A Seeker relies on their gear. If your gear fails you in a fight, you’re dead, pure and simple.

Taking on a shade nest would actually be a good challenge for Jax, now that I think about it. He’s been progressing well since I became his mentor four years ago, but he tends to underestimate himself, and it holds him back a little. This will be a good way to show him what he can really do, and give his ego a healthy boost in the process. 

We finish our gear-check just as we reach the entrance to the underground portion of the city. There are thousands of miles of tunnels, galleries, and cellars under Throne City.

Originally it was just the mines under the dwarf fortress-city that is now the Imperial Palace, but over the centuries each generation dug their own underground portions and linked it into the already existing network, The end result of that, of course, being a complex labyrinth of truly staggering size. 

It can be very, very easy to get lost down there. 

I dig out a key that every Seeker is given when they complete their training. It gives us access to places like this. I unlock the steel gate that bars the stairwell down, and lock it behind us once we're through. We have to bend almost double to fit, as these ceilings were not designed with a seven foot Seeker in mind. Twice I hear Jax mutter a curse behind me as he bumps his head on something, and I have to bite back a laugh. I might be having a hard time, but the poor boy must find it almost unbearable. 

It isn’t long before we reach the bottom of the steps, and I straighten gratefully, in what appears to be a storeroom for one of the restaurants or inns above us. The walls are lined with sacks, crates, and barrels filled with various foodstuffs, all neatly organized and clearly labeled. 

I sniff the air, catching the rotten-meat stink of our prey almost at once. I hear Jax doing the same a moment later, and I nod my approval when he points down a nearby passage.

"Over that way, I think," he says, and grins when he sees me nod. We draw our paired ton-filar, heavy long-bladed fighting daggers with brass knuckles built into the grip, and a short four inch spike at the other end. They’re vicious weapons, specifically made for close in fighting, and designed to give us as many ways to hurt an enemy as possible with a single implement.

Most Seeker gear and weaponry is designed this way. It gives us an edge. And believe you me, when you're fighting the kinds of beasties we do, it always comes in handy. 

We move off in the direction of the scent, careful to keep our blades up before us. The passageway is narrow, so Jax leads the way, and I follow closely, walking backwards to make sure nothing tries to sneak up on us.

We continue down the tunnel, following our noses, until it opens up again into another wide room. The smell is horrendous, and I hear Jax gag a little. 

"Breathe through your mouth," I advise him. "It helps."

I scan the room, taking everything in all at once. Trash, rotting food, and less identifiable detritus litter the floor, and the far corner of the room is buried under a mass of reeking filth that rises to the ceiling. I curse myself for not thinking. As soon as they hear my voice, shades come pouring out of the nest, chittering angrily, eager for a meal.

Shades aren't big, about the size of a cat, and aren’t especially threatening. They look like a hairless rat with an odd, bird-like head. They're not even hard to kill. A good solid kick from a normal human is enough to put an end to one. 

The problem is, there's never just one. 

They breed fast, in clutches of seven or eight, every three weeks. They carry disease, and spread rot wherever they go. Nobody knows how they came to be, but we know that dark magic spawned them, because all our monster hunting tricks work just fine. 

"Grenades!” I snap, following my own advice, withdrawing one from the belt pouch I keep them in. 

Grenades are expensive kit, but absolutely priceless when dealing with swarms of creatures like shades. A small sphere packed with gunpowder, enclosed within an outer sphere of cold iron plated with silver, and the space between the two filled with a mixture of rock salt and holy water. 

We light them with a flick of the thumb against the special alchemical fuse, and then toss them into the middle of the pack. They detonate with a surprising level of force for such small weapons, shaking some dirt loose from the ceiling. Between the explosion, holy water, and rock salt, dozens of the little beasts vanish into puffs of dirty smoke. Dozens more are killed as shrapnel scythes into the massed bodies.

The remainder of the pack, their numbers thinned by the grenades, rush us. Jax and I spin around each other, years of training giving us the skill to fight in such a tight space against a swarm of enemies. I skewer a pair on my ton-filar, turn, and catch another mid-air in the chest with one of the pommel spikes. Jax ducks around me and punches down the two that are trying to leap on me from behind, and boots another in the face when it tries to bite at him. It careens back into its fellows and takes them down in a tangle.

With a chattering shriek that makes us both wince, the queen and her nest guard emerge. 

Easily three times the size of their smaller fellows, the nest guard are huge, slavering beasts with glittering red eyes, long, sharp beak-like mouths, and wicked claws. The queen is even bigger and nastier, her belly swollen with her current clutch. 

"Blast her!" Jax calls, and I nod, quietly impressed. We whirl with skill and speed that no human could hope to match, as we trade blades for the coach guns, safely secured across our backs. Jax's is the typical, blunt-nosed, over-under variant favored by most Seekers. 

But mine…

Mine is a work of art. It was a gift, made for me by the master weapon-alchemist Argius Cratona of Wavedancer, after I rescued his daughter from a lich during my apprenticeship. It has six barrels, twice the length of a standard coach gun, arranged in a circle around a single larger barrel at the center. The steel barrels are polished to a mirror shine, and ornate, curling scrollwork is etched into each one. The solid cherrywood grip and stock is chased with brass and burnished to a deep, warm glow. The gun's name, Sophia, is inscribed on a small brass plate embedded in the stock.

It has three triggers. The first two are tied to three of the six outer barrels each, so that a single trigger pull fires three bursts of cold iron and silver shot at once. 

The third trigger goes to the center barrel, which fires a specially made bullet created by Cratona. Called a Decimator Round, it’s a solid slug of cold iron coated in silver, and infused with powerful alchemical compounds that detonate once inside a target. Every month he sends me a box with thirty of the hefty, hand-sized shells, along with notes from him and his daughter. I’ve kept a steady correspondence with them both over the years, and never once in all my time as a Seeker has Sophia failed to kill the monster it was aimed at.  

But I digress. 

We fire together, then fire again, the booming report of our guns thunderously loud in the enclosed cellar, filling the far side of the room with a blizzard of shot that tears the queen and her guards to bloody shreds. Jax and I deftly snap open the breeches of our guns, ejecting the spent casings and replacing them with fresh, though I take a moment longer due to the extra barrels.

Silence descends for several long minutes as we wait to see if any more shades come out of the darkness, but either we had killed them all, or the remaining few were smart enough to scatter.

"I think we're done here," I decide at last, holstering Sophia, and Jax follows my example. I wave for him to follow, and head back the way we had come. "You did good work back there, Jax, very well done. I'm impressed."

Jax ducks his head, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously. "Thank you, sir, but I only did what I thought was best."

"Which is exactly what you should do," I tell him firmly, with a smile. "You acted as a Seeker should, and I'm proud of you. You have solid battle instincts, and you don't have any lack in terms of skill. You've learned everything I've taught you so far, and learned it well. You do me credit as your mentor, and yourself as a Seeker."

Jax is left speechless. I stifle a small twinge of guilt. Perhaps I’ve been a bit sparse with praise up until now. Well, that can be fixed easily enough. 

"Come on, lad," I say, ducking low to head back up the stairs. "Let's go get something to eat. I would say we've earned our supper tonight."

[prettyyoungtragedy]

Every morning you go to use the treadmill in the training room You keep catching Bucky staring at your body.

Ahh James Buchanan Barnes being a pervy hoe. ok. LOL

A/N: Idk why this made me laugh writing it. It’s SO silly! lol hope you guys enjoy it, this has been sitting in my drafts for a while now. Sorry to the person who requested it! :D

PS: its going to be sort of a Bucky POV and the Reader insert POV :)

Warnings: Its kind of smutty? or like SFW smut? idk if thats a thing. It’s nothing hectic I promise,

Disclaimer: I dont own this gif, credit to its original owner. 

06H00 - Tuesday

Bucky is wrapping his hands up to spar with Steve, who stands nearby chatting to Tony. It’s early, too early for most people to be awake, that’s why he likes to use the gym so early. No one o bother him while he works out. He hates the stares and the whispers he gets sometimes. 

But that’s not his favorite part of working out so early in the morning. She is. She is in those black shorts and that fucking neon yellow sports bra. He watches her discreetly as she walks into the gym, tying her hair up. She always look so pretty, he thought to himself as he paused his action to look her over. 

She walks passed him, saying a quick good morning before she goes towards the functional area to stretch. Her body is so ridiculously toned, Bucky shifts as he sees her lift her hands over her head, and take a deep breath. Muscles moving and shifting showing off her definition more. 

He swallows hard,when she rolls her head and shoulders, closing her eyes. the morning sunlight hitting her pretty face perfectly. She looked stunning. Bucky drops his gaze for a moment and tries to focus on the task at hand but he can’t keep his gaze away from her for too long. And he looks up again, almost chocking on his own spit.

She is bending over, stretching out her legs but she is in the most compromising position and Bucky’s mind is immediately filled with thought’s of him having her in that position in his bedroom. 

Mentally shouting at himself Bucky drags his gaze away, and back to Steve. He can already feel the rising situation on his gym shorts. Well fucking done Barnes, He thought to himself with a soft groan. 

His gaze flits back to her once more, and she’s in the downward dog position. the arch of her back, so smooth, so delicate, he bites his lip, feeling himself get ore aroused. 

Why did she have to be so fucking distracting.

Every morning you had the same ritual, wake up, stretch, hit the treadmill for a 8 mile run. It was a routine that helped your mind, helped orientate you day. Also every morning Bucky Barnes was in the gym and you absolutely loved watching him work out. 

He was built like a brick shit house, and by god he was hot. You made sure to be discreet about the whole thing, you didn’t want him thinking you were a pervert. Plus Steve usually worked out shirtless with Bucky so that just made the whole thing even more delicious. 

Sometimes it was hard to concentrate on what you were doing around him. whether Bucky did it consciously or not, he flustered you. You hadn’t mustered the courage to talk to him just yet, or you had and you were just afraid of rejection from him at this point. which was such a silly way of thinking but hey, that was your brain. 

Today was no different, you walk in and spot him across the gym. Sitting on one of the benches, in that ridiculously tight black t-shirt, dark hair falling into his eyes as he worked on his hand wraps. Obviously you walk in his direction, an unnecessary action but you do it anyway. Coyly greeting him as you walked passed him. 

You can feel his gaze on you when you begin your morning stretches before your work out, from the corner of your eye. You can see his face, and its actually priceless. 

08H00 Wedneday

The cold  spray of water on his muscles was exactly what he needed to relax. Bucky’s mind was betraying him with thoughts he could not control. He needed to clear his mind, empty out all the thoughts of her, it was frustrating him more than he cared to admit. Steve had made them all do functional training and he paired Bucky up with her, it was a disaster for him. But once again, his mind betrays him as he stands under the cold water. 

‘Her chest is heaving, sweat trickles down her cleavage. her eyes are alight with adrenaline as she dances on the balls of her feet. moving in a circle, round him. Bucky can’t take his eyes off her, the way her body moves, the shift of her delicate frame whenever she dodges one of his maneuvers, the way her laugh is like music to his ears whenever she lands a hit on him. He is letting her win, he loves seeing her dominate him, its such a rush. It’s her smile, and her laugh, and the silly taunts she keeps throwing his way, that just make him shiver with lust for her. 

Without warning she launched herself at him while he was distracted by her eyes, and ended up winding him. Bucky fell backwards and she landed on his chest. Straddling him. 

“Do better, Soldier.” She said, sultrily with a smirk before she got off him. 

Those three words, just fucking set his entire existence alight.’

“Fuck!” Bucky muttered when he felt himself getting aroused thinking about her again. He angrily shuts off the water and gets out the shower, grabbing his towel and drying himself off before he got dressed. 

14H00 Thursday

You were sitting near the steps of the pool, with Sam and Wanda. The three of you arguing over who had won the latest round of laps you were racing. Sam of course argued that he had won, while Wanda stated she touched the wall first, but you knew you won without a doubt. That didn’t stop you from adding fuel to the fire though. 

“Sam, you’re literally the heaviest person I know.” You laughed when he claimed he was light as a feather and moved faster than you and Wanda. 

“I just have big thighs okay, I squat all day every day!” He boasted, making both of you just laugh harder at him. 

You were about to reply when you see Bucky walk into the Natatorium, he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings. his gaze was fixed upon the phone in his hand. Bucky was shirtless and wore a pair of black shorts, his towel slung over his right shoulder, you had rarely seen him shirtless. The scars on his left shoulder where metal met flesh were so prominent it made you feel guilty for some reason. but the rest of him was just, 220 pounds of rock hard muscle and it was hard not to stare at him. 

Bucky stopped short when he saw the three of you sitting at the pool, his gaze jumped between the three of you. Sam breaking the ice first by standing up and sauntering over to his friend. 

The pair began to converse with each other, and you couldnt take your eyes off Bucky. “You’re staring.” Wanda giggled nudging you with her elbow.

“What?” You asked, breaking your stare and turning to her.

“You’re drooling and its funny.” She said, with a grin. 

“Fuck is it obvious?” You gasped softly, feeling a blush creep into your cheeks.

“Very.” Wanda laughed, 

“Ugh he’s so devastatingly handsome.” You sighed, whispering softly to her.

“So tell him that.” She whispered back. 

“Good god, no.” You said immediately shaking your head. 

Before Wanda could respond, Sam and Bucky came over to where the two of you were sitting, and suddenly you felt yourself becoming increasingly flustered being in Bucky’s shirtless presence. 

He could not take his eyes off her, her scantily clad body in that swimsuit she wore was actually ridiculous. How times have changed in terms of pool attire amazed him. Bucky averted his gaze when he felt her’s look over him, his sudden urge to kiss her or just rip off what little clothes she wore was innate. 

The way she leaned back on her elbows against the cool tiles, the way her wet hair fell over her shoulders, the little droplets of water running down her cleavage, the way her tone legs were crossed. toes slightly dipping into the water. fuck he wanted to fuck her right then. 

“Hey Bucky.” her voice cascaded over him, and damn it to hell he wanted to fuck her even more when he looked at her mouth. His mind immediately going to having those pretty lips wrapped around him, a wicked glint in her eyes as he head moved along his...

‘Fuck’, Bucky thought when he felt that god damn rush of blood course through him, heading to where it shouldn’t at that moment. 

Bucky cleared his throat, his mouth suddenly feeling very dry. “Hey.” He replied, trying not to grit his teeth and show his growing uncomfortable situation. He moves his towel off his shoulder and holds it in front of him. So to hide his boner, so to speak.

Of course Sam noticed what was happening to Bucky the moment it began, he saw how Bucky kept looking at you and he took full advantage of this. 

“How dope is her swimsuit, Buck?” Sam said, cheerfully as he gestured towards your half naked body.

You watch as Bucky’s whole face changed when Sam asked him this question. He almost balked at the question. Bucky cleared his throat multiple times before he tried to answer. 

“I, yeah, very uhh, its uhh something..” Bucky stuttered. 

Wanda started laughing but you just felt bad for him. Sam was being an ass and you didn’t want Bucky to hate you for it. 

You stood up quickly and shoved Sam into the pool, “You’re an ass.” You laughed, “Are you going to swim?” You then turned to Bucky. your body was in close proximity to his and you could have sworn you heard his metal arm clench, with bone crushing strength. 

“No.” was all Bucky said before he practically raced out of the Natatorium. Leaving the three of you staring after him, Sam and Wanda with very amused expressions on their faces, and you just confused at what had just happened. 

05H45 Friday

You were going to go to the gym but for some reason you couldn’t pull yourself out of bed. Your mind was still on Bucky and how he had practically ran away from you in the pool. When you had tried to approach him later that day, he completely ignored you and then avoided you for the rest of the evening, which just annoyed you more. 

Having had enough of his weird behavior as it had been weeks of this, time and time again. You threw back the covers, and slipped on your fuzzy slippers before making your way towards his room. You knew he would be awake, him and Steve were always just about to go to training at this time. 

The sun was just about rising, and the compound had a cold air about it as you walked through the hallway towards Bucky’s room. Him and Steve had a little more room to play with as Tony had given them a whole floor to themselves, of course everyone claimed favoritism but who cared anyway, They were Cap and the Winter Soldier. 

When you got to his bedroom door, you raised your hand to knock and as you were about to rap your knuckles on the wood. Bucky opened the door, both of you jumping back startled by the others presence. 

“Oh shit.” Bucky exclaimed softly.

“Fuck.” You murmured, you hand flying to your chest in fright. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” Bucky asked, confusion in his voice. 

“What’s your problem with me?” You shot back. 

He frowns at you with a puzzled expression, “What?” He replied. 

“What’s your issue Barnes, what did I do to you, why are you always avoiding me?” You demanded, stepping into his room. Bucky takes a step back, his eyes going over your less than appropriate sleep attire.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Bucky blurted out, as he looked over the black and silver silk, shorts and top you wore. 

“What?” It was your turn to become confused, you looked down at your body and then back at him, “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” You asked, 

“What the fuck, how do you sleep in that, why?” Bucky said shaking his head, his voice suddenly sounding frustrated. 

“Bucky are you having a stroke? Oh my god,” You said, pulling a face at him. 

Bucky looked at you, with a look in his eyes that suddenly made you feel very self conscious of what you were wearing. “You are killing me, I swear to fucking god.” Bucky muttered turning away from you. 

“What does that even mean?” You asked more confused than ever. 

“It means every time I see you, I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you senseless.” Bucky exclaimed, whirling around to face you again. You took a step back you eyes widened in surprised to his confession. 

You didn’t know what to say, it was such a bold statement and he had so unabashedly said it. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I..”Bucky suddenly back tracked his statement. 

“Bucky?” You interrupted him. 

“Yeah.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” You said, and dropped your robe to floor, pulling off your top as you did so in one fluid motion. 

“Oh...” Was all he said as his eyes roamed across your now half naked body in front of him. two sure strides towards you, Bucky’s lips pressed against yours and he lifted you into his arms. Fervently kissing you. 

Bucky broke the kiss for a moment and then kicked the door shut, as he did so. he saw Steve walking up to the door, their gaze met for a moment. Steve’s wide-eyed stare and open mouth was the last thing he saw before the door slammed shut.

And both of you began ripping each others clothes off, way too eager to fuck each other.

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[esteliel]

Les Mis Tecklenburg

Okay, the long overdue Les Mis Tecklenburg review, which might not be of much use to anyone else but I immediately forget things if I don't write them down so here's more than you probably wanted to know about this production.

The stage itself was amazing and so impressive, because it was HUGE, and they had built actual houses on it with basically two levels for people to stand/sing on. It was really impressive to look at though I'm not sure if it really added that much to the show, because it mostly meant that characters spent a lot of time running from one end of the stage to the other, and that it put characters on different levels when I feel like their actual positions don't reflect that (i.e. Javert spending some time surveying the town below from the highest point up by the cross when he is explicitly NOT above society but below/outside it, and Valjean as Madeleine dealing with the entire Fantine/factory girl fight while standing on the first floor of the factory above everyone else, when I feel that even as Madeleine he never was above people/never distanced himself via authority, but rather tried to keep his distance via escape by walks etc.)

At the front of the stage, there was a huge gap for the conductor, and both at the beginning, when Valjean receives his yellow passport, as well as during their encounter in the sewers, Valjean and Javert stood to each side of it, divided by this insurmountable gap as they faced each other, which on the other hand was using the stage symbolism perfectly! <3

As to the cast, they were generally good, I don't have complaints about a single actor (except for the kids, who were terrible with the exception of Sunday's little Cosette. I don't understand why professional productions don't go for slightly older kids. I don't even expect the quality of Broadway children, but these children were for the most part so horribly wooden that it was painful to watch. If you can't find a seven-year-old with at least a small amount of singing and acting experience, I promise that a twelve-year-old Gavroche will work just as well. :/)

The most important thing, I really, really enjoyed both Valjean and Javert. Valjean especially brought so much into it acting-wise, especially his first Soliloquy - he is so stunned by the bishop's compassion that there's a moment of genuine anger at the bishop for claiming that Valjean's soul exists/is important, and it was just one of the most emotional soliloquys I've ever seen. <3 He's also super cute with little Cosette, and after the Thénardier's inn, they stole that trick where he's dancing with little Cosette, and then behind a wall switch her with adult Cosette who continues to dance with Valjean to show the time skip, which made people laugh. Also Valjean brings little Cosette a red dress to wear instead of a black one, which adult Cosette is also wearing.

Javert was also fun - very focused, very driven, but without falling into that common trap of resorting to shouting or Angry Hammy Javert which was mainly what I got to see lately with Hume and Thaxton. It's just... so nice to sort of wipe the slate clean and see what sort of acting choices someone makes in a non-replica production, because it sometimes makes you realize that bits you hate but which you feel are unavoidable given the book are actually not. Like the Karlstad Thénardiers, who were so good and completely avoided that slapstick comedy route. Anyway, it was really refreshing to watch Kevin Tarte's Javert. I don't even think he did anything unusual acting-wise with Javert, but it was really solid and convincing acting and not a single moment where he took the easier path of Shouting instead of Acting.

Marius was very cute looks-wise, perhaps even a bit too cute because he didn't come across as awkward at all for the most part, but he was enjoyable to watch. Cosette looked way too old on the photos I'd seen but came across as perfectly fine on stage. Fantine was REALLY good, it's rare that I'm surprised by a Fantine's acting ability these days because they mostly tend to go the safe and boring routes, but Milica Jovanovic really pulled it off. I wasn't wowed by Eponine either but she was good too, just not anywhere close to my top 2 Eponines.

Even the Thénardiers were generally entertaining, though I feel like their slapstick routines would have grown boring just as quickly if I'd seen it more than twice. Thénardier had this bit which was hilarious my first evening, where during their negotiation with Valjean, he tries to sneeze into Valjean's coat, only Valjean pulls his coat away and so Thénardier sneezes into his own hands and then tries to wipe them first on Valjean, then on Mme T.'s boobs, but both give him such withering looks that he just gives up.

It was a bit less hilarious the second time around, and if I'd seen it thirty times, it probably would have ceased being funny pretty quickly, but alas that's not going to happen. (I did end up wishing I'd booked a third date...)

Random observations in a list because I've had this doc open for way too long already:

- OMG they sing it SO SO SLOWLY I'm not used to that any more! It was nice in parts, but in other parts it felt super unneccessary and drained scenes of their energy. This also meant that instead of the usual 3 hours running time this ran for 4 hours including the lengthy bows. On Saturday, the show ran from 7:30pm to 11:30pm (and then I was waiting around at the stage door until 1:30am because apparently the cast was inside playing poker, lol. But it was worth hanging around because I got a nice signed photo of a bare-chested convict Valjean showing nips. Not my own, mind you, Patrick Stanke brought those out himself. Clearly he knows what Javert his fans want. :D Made the long wait in the cold worth it though, and I made stage door friends for breakfast the next day yay.)

- There was applause in the weirdest spots? Like, applause for all the Amis dying on the barricade...

- Silververt shoots himself! This is only the second production I've seen after Sweden 2016 that makes Javert commit suicide by his own gun, and I love it - way preferrable to the awkward Broadway suicide staging (and obviously Wattsvert's joyful ascent to chair heaven). During his Suicide, Javert climbs all the way up to the third level of the stage and stands at the foot of the big cross up there. Then he shoots himself at the end of his song and falls down to somewhere hidden behind the small wall. Apparently there's a mattress placed there for him to fall on, and he told us that night that after his Suicide, he just kept lying on his mattress for a long time, listening to the show go on below and soaking in the atmosphere. By that point it was definitely past 10pm, it was completely dark, there were huge trees gently swaying in the wind around the stage, and it was such an amazing atmosphere that I'd have done the same. (Also, during his Suicide, there was a bat attracted by the light that kept fluttering around him while he sang his final verses by the cross, which made all the Tanz der Vampire fangirls around me very happy. I, on the other hand, was happy because I still love Shoujo Cosette's Vampirevert a lot and Javert should totally turn into a bat and suck Valjean's virgin blood more often. <3)

- After the show, we got to walk out across the stage and I feel like they should totally do that at the Queen's because it's such fun to get all close and personal with the set. :D

- Then during bows they teased the hand kiss!!! >:( Argh, I've never been teased more in my life. Very unfair!

- That first evening with the show starting at 7:30pm, Stars took place during actual twilight! So so gorgeous. <3 I love open air theatre (except for my ongoing love-hate relationship with the Globe).

- During the Prologue, Javert just lets the yellow passport drop to the floor, which I've admittedly seen many Javerts do, but here there were several meters between them which added an extra level of derisiveness to it which I've never seen before. And then Javert nodded to his guard underling to hand Valjean his bag, who also gave Valjean a disgusted look and dropped the bag right where he stood to leave with Javert.

- Fantine's death happens in this room which has four wooden pillars and gauze curtains in between, and when Javert comes in for the Confrontation, he's hidden behind the gauze curtain at first, spying on Valjean. And he's wearing leather gloves which he slowly tugs off finger by finger while singing his first lines. <3 Thanks for catering to my kinks.

- Then at the end of the Confrontation when they're facing off, standing almost chest to chest while panting with manly resolve to kill each other if neccessary, Sister Simplice who was watching all of that steps forward and gives them a Look and shakes her head at Javert, and they both awkwardly retreat. (And then scene change so I guess here it is indeed Sister Simplice who helps Valjean escape! <3)

- Oh and also Fantine's Death Room turns into Valjean's Death Room, and this time it's Fantine who gets to approach from behind the gauze, and then later watch Cosette and Marius from behind it for a while until Valjean dies.

- Also in Montreuil after Runaway Cart Javert also brings Valjean his coat, and he helped him into it and on my first day gently smoothed it down his back. <3

- Gavroche has the most ridiculous death. OMG seriously, there's no need to slow everything down so much. Gavroche has already made it back to safety atop the barricade, and remains there for an eternity while triumhantly singing his final two lines, and then is shot. It makes literally no sense that he wouldn't take cover for an entire minute when they've already been shooting at him.

- Also their Enjolras, wtf? I actually liked him, he was charismatic and generally fine and his singing was okay, but then both times, absolutely out of nowhere, he turns his final "is free" into this rock scream. On the other hand, he's the last to die on the barricade, which is always enjoyable to watch.

- Also they have both Javert and the Thénardiers join the cast for the Finale which I neither like nor think makes sense in any way at all, even if you believe that it's supposed to be 'heaven' because the Thénardiers aren't dead. Also except for Valjean, none of the characters even believe in Paradise as Reward for a Virtuous Life - the reward the amis are fighting for is very much about the situation of the living, sigh.

- Anyway, a fun production, I hope I get my boot of this because I need to watch Silververt shoot himself again with company, and definitely worth all the travel. (I should have seen it three times, honestly. <3)

[caffeconkim-blog]

On Amsterdam

Young American tourists flock to Amsterdam because a certain type of herb is legal there....... Apart from counter culture being done incredibly well in this wonderfully clean and mesmerizing city, Amsterdam will leave you stunned and never wanting to leave *insert tears* . 

At least that is what it did for my best friend and I! 

Here is what we did and how we did it! 

DAY ONE: 

We flew AirEuropa for about 100 euros from Madrid to Amsterdam’s main airport, Schiphol. From the minute we set foot inside this airport we were amazed!!! (my best friend and I are easily entertained in general but WOW was this place FUN). The dutch aesthetics are very different, creative, and clean cut in comparison to what we are used to in the states and in Italy. There is a caffe called “Park Caffe” that is quite literally a PARK inside the AIRPORT. 

To save money on taking a cab and also to have a mini adventure we decided to shuttle/tram to a stop very close to our hostel, Ecomama. Here are the instructions: 

Public transport from Schiphol AMS Airport: Take any train to Amsterdam Central station. Travel time is 15 – 20 minutes. Tickets can be purchased from the ticket machines in the airport trainstation. One way tickets are 4.40 euro. From Amsterdam Central station follow directions as above. Public transport from Amsterdam Central Station: Walk out the front entrance of the station to the left until you see a blue sign with a big 'M', which stand for Metro. Walk down the stairs into the Metro Station. On the left you will see the check-in gates. Pass these with a valid ticket, that can be purchased in the station for Euro 2,80 (24-hours public transportation tickers are Euro 7,50). Walk down the stairs and take Metro number 51, 53 or 54 (don't worry about the direction). Get out of the metro at ' Waterlooplein'. When you get off the train, look for the blue direction signs and take the exit that leads to Waterlooplein. Walk up the escalator and pass the check-out gate. You will now see a snackbar in front of you. Turn right and take another escalator up to the exit of the station. On your right you will see a big square (during the day there is a market going on). Cross the street towards the square and head on straight (pass the market and cross another street) until you reach 'Valkenburgerstraat'. Walk down the street for about 4 minutes until you reach house number 124. Here you will see a coffee corner called 'Filter'. Walk in and go to the second desk. You have now reached Ecomama Hotel.

Ecomama hostel is a force to be reckoned with. 

Valkenburgerstraat 124, 1011 NA Amsterdam, Netherlands

This hostel knows what they are doing. They have an earthy aesthetic full of young people and extremely clean conditions that will satisfy even the most picky person. We found a good deal for our two beds in the same room for 30 a night. Definitely worth every single euro. The location is a 5 minute walk from Rembrandt Square and a 10 minute walk to the Rijksmuseum in one direction and the Red Light district in the other direction. The customer service was incredible as well. Except for the fact that I was sharing a room with 6 other people, I really felt like I was at a hotel instead of a hostel. 

Here are some pictures of the hostel: 

Our room 

The common space 

The indoor tent fort 

The stairwell 

Alrightttttttttt... enough of me fan-girling and praising this hostel, now on to our adventures throughout the city! 

We locked up our things at the hostel and aimlessly walked around until our stomachs called to a restaurant (it was lunch time).  Tasty burger won our hearts and stomach over!!!! This place wreaked of BBQ and creative, fun, and LARGE burgers. I had the “Hangover Burger” which consisted of a 10oz. patty, cheddar cheese, jalapenos, hot sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, and avocado. 

Here is my monstrosity of a lunch!

After fueling up........ we walked and walked and walked. The first place we stumbled upon was Rembrandt Square! Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn was a Dutch draughtsman, painter, and printmaker. This square is surrounded by caffe’s, restaurants, and bakeries. The center of the square has statutes of Rembrandt’s work. 

Here we are strutting a few poses! 

We then continued just WALKING. Amsterdam is definitely a walking city so pack your comfiest sneakers and a portable umbrella (also a very rainy city). You can get anywhere in this city in no longer than 30-40 minutes. LOOK BOTH WAYS FOR BIKES EVERYWHERE YOU GO !!!!! NOT JOKING!!!!! YOU CAN’T HEAR THEM COMING!! Amsterdam is home to over ONE MILLION bikes in use by its citizens alone! Not even counting the tourists on the bikes without a clue! 

Here are some pictures from just walking around the canals: 

Seriously, just explore! Every corner of this city is worth taking in. 

We then stopped for cake...lol.... the bakeries here are actually UNREAL and then I found the frozen yogurt shop franchise I worked at in high school in Miami!

Our cake: 

Yogen- Fruz!

Later that night we grabbed a quick and cheap bite from the caffe at our hostel and went out with a tour our hostel does on Monday nights for 10 euros of the local bar scene. This is a great way to meet people while abroad! We made a ton of friends that were also staying at our hostel and had a great time bar hopping places where the locals hit in Amsterdam. It was also nice to have a local with us that worked as the hostel’s guide of sorts (who was also around our age!) 

Some of the bars we hit were: 

1. OT301

2. Café The Minds

3. Roest

4. The Greenhouse Effect

These were all great! I would highly recommend them all! 

DAY TWO: 

We woke up early and hit the Van Gogh Museum and the Rijksmuseum. We beat all the lines and were able to stroll in peace. We had a wonderful time taking in all the art around us and appreciating the museum’s architecture. 

Van Gogh Museum 17 euros a ticket:  

The Rijksmuseum 17.50 euros a ticket: 

and here we are on the Iamsterdam! 

We then had a rather sweet lunch at the Dutch Pancake House. This place is rated to have the Best Pancakes in all of Amsterdam and after one bite, I believed them. 

We had a food coma after those EXTRAORDINARY pancakes and relaxed in Vondelpark. The Vondelpark is a public urban park of 47 hectares in Amsterdam, Netherlands. We felt like we were surrounded by all the locals here while we laid down and just took in some sun. 

Next up, was dinner! We walked deep into Amsterdam to the Bazaar restaurant. This Moroccan restaurant was built inside of a remodeled church in a more cultural neighborhood in Amsterdam. We had a delicious meal and our surroundings were absolutely stunning. 

Later that night we took a stroll around the Red Light district. It was very clean, exactly how everyone had described it to be, and extremely interesting to just take it. A phenomenon like the legalization of prostitution in the United States would cause extreme public uproar and debate, and yet in Amsterdam is was amongst some of the most casual nightlife activities. 

Heres a photo I snapped on one of the bridges in the district. The lit up neon pig is a theatre called “Casa Rosso”. It is the district’s most famous live porn show theatre.The lines to get in wrap around multiple blocks.  

DAY THREE: 

We woke up early yet again because our flight to Munich was at 7pm. We packed all of our things and left them in the storage room in the hostel free of cost. We checked out by 9am and had a few hours left to explore before we shuttled back to the airport. 

We rented bikes for 9 euros for 4 hours. 

WARNING: if you do not consider yourself a pro biker I would not recommend renting bikes in this city. The bike riding scene on the streets is very intense, crowded, and something the locals should only partake it. It is so easy to fall off and get lost. We definitely decided we would never rent bikes here again! We did lose each other but had the common sense to return to where we rented the bikes and found each other again. 

Here I am on my bike! 

We returned our bikes and had the brunch of champions at Mr. Paprika which is right next to the floating flower market! It was only 10 euros for all this! 

Our final stroll was over to the Anne Frank house. We were slightly upset to find out that the lines to get into the museum were extremely long and could take anywhere between 4-5 hours to get through. When we tried booking tickets in advance they were also all sold-out for weeks at a time. We decided to go pay our homage anyways and at least see her home from the outside and where she roamed around. We were happy we did. Both my best friend and I identify as Jewish and were happy to be able to live to see today because of the sacrifices little girls like Anne faced during the evil of the Holocaust. 

Here are the doors to her home: 

So there you have it! All of the aforementioned gave me a much deeper and greater appreciation for the wonders of the Netherlands. I spent roughly 250 euros here as well between food, trams, and the hostel stay.