#i also am not holding my breath for TV show bianca. the fact that we had two great seasons is a gift!

[platoapproved]

Slight spoilers for Blood & Gold but if you read any part of it, Bianca and Marius’ breakup fight is one of my favorite parts of the series. It starts with

Bianca: I feel sorry for you.

Marius: Thank you, honey, I really needed that -

Bianca: No, no...that was meant derogatorily, not consolingly.

And then it gets better. I’m not holding my breath for Bianca onscreen in AMC IWTV but if we DID we’d be getting domestics to rival “I heard your hearts dancing” and “align it with Ursa Major”

I do LOVE knowing that, thank you anon 🥰!

[lonnyrocketreviews-blog]

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 10 Power Rankings - Ep. 1, 10s Across the Board

One episode in, and I’ve already (mostly) forgotten all about that shit show All Stars 3...but one episode in leaves plenty of time for some buffoonery, tomfoolery, and RIGGORY, so let’s just hold our breath and see what happens shall we? Let’s review some garbage tv.

14. Vanessa Vanjie Mateo I gotta say, I was rooting pretty hard for this girl pre-season. Her Meet the Queens interviews were funny, her energy is high, her personality is goddamn infectious. Just the way she talks makes me happy, and it’s unique among the S10 girls. She picked some good shit to work with this episode, but unfortunately blobbed it the fuck up. I’m sad. AND SURPRISED at how low energy her lipsync was. Considering her high energy offstage, i was expecting that floral blob to explode or something, but alas, Miss Vanjie departs first, THOUGH I would not be surprised if she comes back. RIP (for now).

13. Kalorie Karbdashian Williams I’m gonna go ahead and say that I actually really like MOST of the girls this season, which is rare. Kalorie’s name might be a mouthful (which is kinda why I thought she was gonna be leaving first, at first) and her outfit was BOring, but despite that, she’s cute as fuck and seems sweet and lovable, too.  I thought Vanjie was gonna blow her ass away, but she turned her big booty around and crushed that lipsync. You live to twerk another day, Kalorie.

12. Kameron Michaels Would Kameron Michaels have been cast if he wasn’t ‘hot’ out of drag? I had the same issues with Pearl during S7, but I came around for her.  Will I come around for Kameron, too? Show us some personality, some talent, and we’ll see.

11. Dusty Ray Bottoms I love a punk drag queen. We NEED a lot more edgy, artistic weirdos on Drag Race, but DRB doesn’t really do it for me yet. She reminds me of Acid Betty, but heavily watered down. Her entrance look was kinda lame. Her runway outfit was alright by my taste, but I’m not really living for the sickly dot face, and after getting essentially no time in Untucked I gotta feeling that Dusty Ray will be in the bottom before long.

10. Asia O’Hara Truly stunning. I would kill someone for those teeth, but aside from that, she kinda fell (or was edited) into the background today. Her runway outfit was a lot. Now I like a Lashawn/Ornacia moment but the rest was Jiggly Caliente.  Her temperament was eclipsed by the likes of Monique and the Vixen, which doesn’t bode well for more time on the show. I also haven’t fully recovered from her Meet the Queens nightmare wig. Sorry, girl. That shit was roadkill.

9. The Vixen I don’t know how to feel yet. I hated her entrance look. I didn’t really like her runway look, either. I know what kinda work went into that intricate pool noodlery, but it came out looking a bit small...underwhelming I guess. I might’ve put her lower but she seems to be out for blood in Untucked, and if this bitch is gonna spearhead the “Let’s not be like the Season 9 Best Friend Race” then I say keep her around. The Vixen = The Villain? We’ll seeeeeeee...

Sidebar: people wanna talk about Kameron as the trade of the season...did you SEE the Vixen outta drag? Gimme some of that pls. 8. Aquaria The Ariana Grande of drag. She’s cute as a button but enunciates like her mouth is sewn half shut. Apparently she’s got a big following. Hell, I’d heard of her before S10 and she’s only like 22. This might pull her forward...past her expiration date. Look, I love an aspiring drag artist. I’ve seen some of her work and shows on Youtube and stuff and the girl is talented, but on THIS one episode and her MTQ, it was a little meh for me. Despite this annoying “Aquaria vs. Cracker” narrative, I think the latter outclasses her completely, but she’s got like 10 fuckin years on her. Aquaria is cool, like Pearl, but I dunno if it’s her time. Maybe needs some finessing. The personality and humor aren’t showing for me yet. Good luck in the comedy challenges darlin. Your outfits were neat. 7. Monique Heart We’re getting into the territory where I wanna put everyone in the highest ranks, but numbers are things and math is stuff, so be it. Monique Heart has a lot of good shit. Shes spunky, shes energetic, fun, etc. Queens like her and Vanjie make the show exciting.  I do think she stood out and I’m moderately surprised that she wasn’t in the top.  Her outfit was cool as fuck and her makeup was EXCELLENT. I think she did a knockout job, but because of a lack of narrative they gave her, I’m not sure if she’ll last longer than the others.  I can’t even remember where she’s from.

6. Yuhua Hamasaki Like Vanessa, I’m captivated by this drag queen.  She’s got the personality, she’s got the looks, shes crafty, she’s fun, and she did pretty well this episode. Also can I just say that out of drag...that’s an entire female woman right there. Ok. I like her, but like Monique, I didn’t get a lot of narrative from her this episode other than she’s a Chinese girl cosplaying as Japanese. Huh.

5. Blair St. Clair I have mixed feelings about putting Blair this high, because she really didn’t talk a ton, but I’m landing her here because, like the judges said, I feel like there’s something about her that’s special and exciting.  She’s an underdog - from Indianapolis, young but old school style (contrasts Aquaria big time). This makes for a good storyline. Yeah, maybe she reminds us of Jinkx Monsoon so it’s not exactly a brand-new storyline, but she seems sweet and her runway look was cool as fuck. I’m the most excited to see what Blair St. Clair pulls out next.  Also, out of drag, woman, girl, ladylookaliker. Cute af.

4. Monet X Change A New York powerhouse performer. Queens like this are why NYC has such a huge representation every year. Her runway outfit was kinda bad, but she has the personality, charisma, wit, and sense of humor needed to win this stupid show. A lotta people have their eyes on Monet as their pick to win, but I can’t personally say much more until I see more.

3. Eureka Eureka may not have been in the top this episode, but she sure seemed like she got the most screen time, so much so that I said to myself “Eureka is the main character of this season.”  THE MAIN CHARACTER. People have been calling for a fat queen to win since forever (please, finally), and Eureka might just be the one to do it.  Plus she has this triumphant recovery return narrative going for her already. Judging from storyline alone, Eureka is poised to land in the top 3, if not win the whole shebang.

2. Mayhem Miller I’m saying it with everyone else. FINALLY Mayhem got onto this damn show, and what a start. Popular, great attitude and a win under her belt right out the gate, Mayhem is set up to go far, but being in the lead puts a lotta pressure to keep up the pace, and she’s got some serious competition. ...Now if we could just get Vicky Vox and Rhea Litre...

1. Miz Cracker Drag race winners have ONE thing in common: they’re smart (well, mostly). Sharp wit, great eye for design (I thought she was gonna win over Mayhem’s handsy dress), and a top spot in episode 1, Cracker’s going far for sure. She already seems to be an early fan favorite. The only thing I don’t like about her is the fact that she changed her name from Breanna Cracker. That shit’s hilarious. Again, I’m not interested in the Aquaria vs. Cracker nonsense. Yeah they REALLY look alike, but the future fighting will no doubt feel forced, and I think Breanna might be above it. They might pit them against each other in a lipsync or something, which might not bode well for Cracker, but she seems to be able to dance, or at least cartwheel. That’s more than Bianca can say. All in all I think Miz Cracker gave the strongest showing this episode by a fair margin, and is my current pick to win.

Anydangway, thanks for reading this, if you did.  All of the above words are my opinion alone, but are also facts and I am infallible and never wrong.  I love and hate this show, but was so entranced and excited enough today to start a goddamn review blog about it. Ugh..... I need a shower.

Shoutout to a tumblr blog from a while back called lordthundercox (or something like that) who reviewed RPDR season 7 in this format and it gave me life and inspired me to do one myself.

See y’all next week