#i already have this planned out i just need to fucking wrestle with my adhd to get it written

[paradoxicalpaldeann]

wanna do a saw au where ebbz is the jigsaw killer simply because i want to write her looking at kaif, this sad little detective who's trying to find her, and going "oh i could make him so much worse"

[lightandwinged]

Haven’t posted the bobbins in a hot minute!

The twins turn three tomorrow! I legitimately cannot believe that I’ve been doing the fulltime mom thing to twins for three whole ass years. And I have to brag a little bit about their birthday stuff because last year, Covid suddenly happening two days before their birthday derailed everything--we’d been planning to go to the aquarium in Boston and take them to a special ice cream place and just have a great time, but then plague. 

And they had a good time, but I felt bad. 

So maybe this year I went overboard JUST a bit, both (a) because we could afford it (Kyle’s new job is pretty sweet like that), and (b) because I wanted this year to make up for last year being meh. I know they’re too young to really remember but on the off chance that they do, I don’t want them to remember two miserable Covid birthdays. One is enough.

I made cupcakes, because they are tiny, and cupcakes are easier to individually theme than bigger cakes. Carrie loves unicorns, Isaac loves Mickey and Minnie, it was a fun thing to do. 

But kiddos overall. 

Sam is inching closer to SEVEN YEARS OLD WHAT, is on his third lost tooth (my favorite tooth when kids lose it because it’s the one that really makes him look like a little jack o lantern), and speaks mostly in Pokemon these days. I understand none of it, but he is OBSESSED and keeps coming up with creative ways to bring them into his day-to-day life (he’s beaten Sword about three times and is currently working his way through whatever the previous title was on the DS; his favorite vacillates day to day, but he tends to go for fire types). I’m still homeschooling him until the end of the year because everyone keeps changing their mind about when people are going back and doing what. And he’s kicking ass. Currently whizzing through very basic geometry (e.g., finding simple perimeter and area) as part of his third grade math curriculum and working on recognizing patterns in science. 

We also suspect that he’s either autistic or has ADHD (per his in-home therapists as well), but wait times for official testing are L O N G. We’re having him evaluated through the school, though, so that if he doesn’t get a diagnosis before he heads back in the fall (because I love him, but I do not love teaching him), he’ll at least have an IEP already in place and be able to get any assistance he needs. And that will most likely take the form of someone breaking tasks into smaller steps, maybe giving him fidget opportunities while he’s learning (he absorbs a LOT when he’s playing with Legos), maybe taking tests separately so that he can have someone read the questions aloud to him so that he absorbs them (because he can read, but unless he also HEARS things, he absorbs nothing). 

He’s a terrifyingly smart kid still, and I have no doubt that he’ll be on par with his fellow second graders next year academically. I just want him to not feel overwhelmed while working. 

*

Isaac is slowly slowly slowly gaining spoken language. I’ve said before and stand by that I don’t care if he never speaks completely fluently, but I do want him to be able to communicate his wants and needs so that he doesn’t get frustrated so much. And he does get frustrated, but his meltdowns remain rare--they usually only happen if something he loved doing ends or if someone takes his toy or won’t give him their toy or just other typical toddler stuff (which inclines me to classify them more as tantrums than meltdowns, but eh). BUT he also communicates, not just by taking someone’s hand and putting it on something he wants, but by using words. He LOVES to talk about the cats (which are his favorite thing--cats of all types, including those in the musical) (but NOT THE MOVIE DEAR JESUS), and the other day, he very meticulously directed me to draw a picture of the three cats happily sleeping on his bed, based on his memory of seeing them happily sleeping on his bed at naptime. 

He’s definitely got his drilled down special interests--cats, cars, Mickey Mouse, Daniel Tiger, and Celtic Woman (we call them his “ladies”). And he is just such an absolute sweetie. He still has the smile that basically convinces you that you would both kill and die for him (shown above), and the way he relaxes against me when he’s tired just makes me sigh and love him to absolute pieces. He’s 110% a momma’s boy, and although I hope he grows out of it when the time is right, it’s really sweet right now. 

He easily qualified for special ed preschool, which I’ll talk about more in a second. 

*

And then Miss Carrie, who basically read the rhyme about little girls being made of sugar and spice and all things nice and took it as gospel but ALSO realized that you can do all of those things while being a monster, beating up everyone who treats you wrong, and covering yourself in tattoos. I say of her that she’s too much, but in the best possible way: I want her to keep being too much forever, because it is absolutely delightful. She’s always giggling or twirling, singing or commanding her brothers in a game of pretend. She never just walks anywhere, she always prances or skips or dances or hops or jumps. She can be a screechy little spitfire one second and then brush away her angry tears and transform into a little cherub the next, and it’s hilarious. Everything ever must be pink and glittery (I promise, I did not try and force pink on her, she jumped to it on her own), must flounce out correctly when she twirls, must make her feel like a fairy tale princess. 

She merrily adopts all the stereotypical “girly” things in life--Barbies, princesses, My Little Pony (yep, we’re back in that phase), unicorns, mermaids, “cute” things, etc. At the same time, she’s always game for a lightsaber fight, playing “bug” with Sammy (I don’t know what “bug” is as a game, but the kids have established rules for it and play it whenever they’re not too tired after dinner), and wrestling with her dad and brothers. It’s wonderful. 

And SHE qualified for special ed preschool because her muscle tone is hilariously low (read: she flops). 

*

The twins are starting preschool Monday because they are turning three and thus losing early intervention services. I worry somewhat about them being in school with Covid still raging (even though I’m 50% of the way to fully vaccinated--going back for Pfizer #2 on Saturday!), but it’s a huge relief that their therapies (speech, occupational, physical) are being coordinated by the school and not by me. I’m the most organized person in this house, and anyone who’s ever seen my house knows what a statement that is (it’s gotten worse since my sciatica has settled in, because bending over is just not a thing I can do without suffering), so having that burden lifted from my shoulders? Heavenly. 

And I’m just overall proud as fuck of all three kids. They’re so resilient, and I know that the pandemic has been hard on them in a lot of ways, but they’re still kicking ass, still smiling and laughing and having fun, and that’s been a bright spot for the entire last year.

[solidburnreturned]

by popular demand, here is my oc chatter regarding stuff like relationships n random character traits. its rly long oops but i divided it by character at least lmao,, these are all things that i think id also wanna use if i ever use these characters as humans (which i def will at some point honestly)

- i thinkkkk i want toad and pike to date. toad would come across pike in their lagoon one day while hes wandering around on another wonked exploration and pike is like hey lol :B with their pointy teeth and long ass hair and toad is like :0 he just sits and talks with pike for hours and comes by a few times a week to hang out with them. they fall in LOVE

- fred and lani are def gonna date too. two butches who use he/him pronouns fuck yeah? they have a powerful relationship. mega BDE. power couple. not a lot of pda but alone together theyre both very loving and tender, its a vulnerability thing for both of them. like lani is very cool and can be either stoic or borderline obnoxious while fred is punkish. fred is very head over heels for lani tho 

- mardi n berg.....complicated....i gotta figure out how they actually end up together. berg is a jogger and mardi is a piercer/tattoo artist so that doesnt....make them line up very much in that department. ill think about it more and figure something out. itll probably have something to do with berg’s nose stripes and eye rings

- also side note on mardi......i want his backstory to include a grey period set off by his brother being eaten when they were both young at the troll tree. like he becomes angry and depressed, sorta like branch, his tattoos that he gives himself the only color on his body, until he learns to let go and his colors come back (high key this was inspired by 21 savage, mardi’s voice claim, and the line in his new song A Lot “my brother lost his life and it turned me to a beast”). ill develop this idea further but i just wanted to get it written down

- bismuth.......unsure. they had a crush on pepper and kept trying to ask her out until she came out to them as a lesbian, then they were like :’) but theyre ride or die theyre not gonna be an ass to her because they cant date her. they just care a lot about her. its like icarly

- gazpacho and jupiter CUTE two small trans trolls in That Love. i need to develop them more but. theyre just cute 

- talia is still a little too new for me to develop her......but im thinkin about it...

- kinda same with ernie and olive. they kinda mostly just exist as cute babby characters right now? if anything olive is a trouble maker and ernie is a chatterbox

- clem and thursday also fuckin cute as hell......clem was a nervous wreck asking thursday out but theyve been together like ever since, which is more than a few years. they have a rly cute gentle lovey dovey relationship. thursday is usually hanging around up on her gf’s shoulder giving her kisses on the cheek

- bea and crystal.......adorabl relationship......crystal is another character thats kinda nervous but bea is so chill n confident is helps calm her down. theyre both trans and love the hell out of each other. rly slow n steady relationship, bea is very patient

- pj and marcus!!!! dumb mlm rep relationship. pj is so so gay for marcus he can barely comprehend it. its a dumb ego boost for marcus but hes also very in love with pj, he just expresses it in a weird cocky way idk marcus is a nerd. i need to make more content for them i think about these two way more than it seems

- dwight!! he has a boat. he lives on the boat.....ive thought about maybe pairing him with toad and pike. deciding on his voice claim has been the most difficult thing ever

- kass and current HELL yeah buff gf and tol gf......they spar with swords and wrestle for fun and hang out at the beach a lot. kass fuckin loves the gem on current’s back. i gotta make more content for them 

- celia......i wanna do more with celia. friends with berg probs theyre both sporty. shes just a sweet giant troll who loves mushrooms. i gotta pair her with someone whose palette goes nicely with her pastels 

- carrot and harriet are literally cricket and tilly from big city greens just older. yeehaw siblings. havent thought about relationship stuff with harriet yet.....i think she also needs ANOTHER redesign her colors are just too heavy still. maybe if i can make her colors compliment celia’s that could work as a pairing? hm hm.....carrot tho is dating ford’s oc rye theyre gentle country gays

- rainer. hm. i dont think theyre rly the dating type......theyre just chill with being them. they just wanna swim and be funny

- hammond and andromeda are probs two of my least developed characters.....hammond still needs a redesign. he might be cute to pair with walter, theyre around the same age. andromeda tho i have no idea. she might be a nice pairing with eve? if i ever feel like pairing her with someone...who knows. eve is very carefree and might find andromeda’s energy too intense

- radish i wanna make more content for!! i rly like her a lot....i think shes another troll who isnt interested in dating. shes very focused on being a chef instead. loves her friends a lot!

- mack and pepper 2gether 4ever obvs......they have a relationship that gets richer with age for sure

- im just gonna ramble about mack. i thinkkkkkkk i wanna make her half latina? columbian specifically. she doesnt quite read as white and i didnt make her with the intention of making her white. anyway i love mack a whole lot and should really develop her backstory more. its not rly as like...””tragic”” or whatever as pepper’s i know that but she def has layers. i wanna give her whole family more depth. she has a very complicated relationship with her own feelings and motivations that i need to think about more fully. my powerful femme tho i lov her

- mack’s parents, robin and champagne, i need to like....think about them more. they have kinda a comedic relationship thats sorta inspired by roger rabbit and jessica rabbit. robin is a very caring, gentle troll who’s very smart and cares a lot about his nursing responsibilities in the village. champagne is very relaxed and the “voice of reason” character of the family. she loves a good party and has her party planning down to a science. both are very successful power parents. kickass family

- i already talked about topaz and marney in a separate post but i still love them both so much. big wesbiabs

- pepper....pebber. im gonna talk about her the most obviously gfhjdkrs i wanna talk about her mental health i feel like i think about it a lot but i never write about it explicitly? this is gonna be long oops hgjfksd she has depression and ptsd stemming from the trauma of her crash...im thinking she also has adhd and thats just something shes always had. her depression rly got heavy during her recovery and right after like...she hated being bed/housebound and felt rly powerless to her situation and just let it eat at her until her personality had actually changed considerably. like extroverted wild child rebel to introverted, soft-spoken sulker. this got better with time but she still is pretty introverted, just turned her moodiness into chill energy. 

- she has bad depression habits like letting dishes, old food, laundry, or just stuff pile up in her room until it gets overwhelming and she spends like two days just manically cleaning; or staying in bed for way longer than she should and messing with her hygiene; or eating way more or way less than she should eat in a day. just stuff thats hard to completely break out of when youre recovering. her color is pretty consistently the dark red but if shes having a particularly rough day she might look a little paler, or like a muddy brick color at her worst. thats kinda rare tho

- her ptsd is the thing she hates the most. for a while it made her feel very weak and she’d beat herself up over being traumatized by the crash which was obviously not helpful to her mental state but she was really all over the place during her bodily recovery. its part of the reason why she started working out, she wanted to reclaim some sort of feeling of strength and power that she felt she’d lost completely. she still gets really frustrated with this feeling of loss but she gets a lot of support from loved ones which has helped her not self-blame so much. her ptsd manifests mostly as nightmares/insomnia, chronic headaches/stomachaches, intrusive thoughts and sometimes flashbacks. the nightmares are what rly get to her, she really doesnt get a lot of good sleep and it can get to the point where she just doesnt want to sleep sometimes and she’ll stay awake until she crashes hard

- her scars used to be a big trigger for her ptsd, which is why she has her bangs covering the one on her face and wears long pants (her knee braces are too bulky for pants and would force her to wear shorts which would force her to expose her scars). she just. really really hates them. this is something she struggles with for a majority of her life

- once she and mack start going steady with their dating and start consistently sleeping in the same bed, pepper starts to sleep better. she still has nightmares that wake her up at least weekly, but having mack there to comfort her (whether she wakes mack up accidentally or if mack is already awake) helps a TON with getting her back to sleep soundly. it also just helps her sleep in general to have that comforting, loving presence in her bed snuggled up to her ;w; mack is a big help in general with pepper’s mental health, pushing pepper to make better, healthier choices and get out in the village more and have fun. mack for sure does not “”cure”” pepper of anything but shes a very positive light in pepper’s life that helps her pull thru tough times!

- i love all my goofy trolls so much. its so fun to just chill and blab about them to relax between working on big projects ;o; ty if u cared enough to read this whole thing ur so rad

[snickertoodles]

70 horrible questions

IT’S 6 AM WEEEEEEEEEEEEE

https://togey-appreciation-club.tumblr.com/post/174206085382/70-horrible-questions-fuck-it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

NOPE

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

My boyfriend!

03: Do you regret anything?

I regret everything. Mostly related to me being shitty to people or losing my temper.

04: Are you insecure?

YEP

05: What is your relationship status?

Taken by “he who does not have a Tumblr account”.

06: How do you want to die?

Hopefully not at all, but who knows.

07: What did you last eat?

Grapes.

08: Played any sports?

I’m 100/120 pounds and get tired if I stand for too long, no. One teacher asked me to join track once but I didn’t because I forgot how and was too socially anxious to ask.

09: Do you bite your nails?

Currently painfully aware of my thumbs hurting thanks to that.

10: When was your last physical fight?

5th grade. Beat up a boy next to the merry go round. I don’t remember why. It wasn’t a hard fight or anything, mostly just wrestling... I think I slammed his head on the metal though. Sorry dude.

11: Do you like someone?

I’m assuming I was supposed to answer “no” to question number 5.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Recently. I’m a push-over.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

Not anymore.

14: Do you miss someone?

The friends who grow apart with time.

15: Have any pets?

An singular (1) cat.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

I feel like I should be in fucking bed but instead I’m filling out a 70-question list about myself at 6 in the morning.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Not... to my knowledge... o_O

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Fuck spiders.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

I’d probably screw everything up, so no.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

That word makes me uncomfortable.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

Stay at home playing video games, same as my plan for this week, and next week...

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

I don’t trust myself to be able to look after a kid. And I doubt I can bear a child, at least in my current state.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

Too painful, and they’d bother me... Little things like tags and stuff either drive me insane or must be incessantly picked at. I hear it’s an ADHD thing. IDK.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

English, science that didn’t involve math. Like biology and ecology. I’m sure you can guess what my worst subject was.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

I already answered this question.

26: What are you craving right now?

My bed.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I hope not.

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

I... hope not... o_O

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Probably because I suck.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

Nothing at the moment.

31: Does somebody love you?

For some reason.

32: What is your favourite color?

Sangria.

33: Do you have trust issues?

Don’t even get me started...

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

The last one I can remember, I was in a tiny van with the Guardians from TLOS...

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Le boyfriend.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

Probably. Actually, definitely.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

Above average is better than bad, so yes.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Ask me when my boyfriend’s sister isn’t following me on Tumblr... XD

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Um. No? XDDDD

51: Favourite food?

I refuse to make a decision like this. But pizza and ice cream are good.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Nope. The world is a big d100 and it’s just as likely to fuck you over as it is to help you. That’s life. Just do what you can to make it less bad for the people around you.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Feed my cat.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

Not really, but I can’t tell people what to do with their life.

55: Are you mean?

I’d like to say not always.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

None yet. But I’ve been punched in the face twice!

57: Do you believe in true love?

See question 52. I’m sure there’s someone who can make you really happy. Movie romances exist and can happen. People can come into your life right when you need them. But I wouldn’t call it fate or destiny, and there are lots of people who are compatible with you.

58: Favourite weather?

Rain. Or just before and just after a storm.

59: Do you like the snow?

Hell yeah I like snow ;P

60: Do you wanna get married?

Someday.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Egh... not my thing.

62: What makes you happy?

Making other people happy. Or seeing other people who are happy or helping each other.

63: Would you change your name?

I don’t really use my real name, anyway. It’s just Toodles now.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

No. ;P

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Already be dating them!

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I act like myself with no inhibitions regardless of how close my friends are to me or their gender. :P

Also, most of my friends are dudes who are older than me, girls are the ones I’ve always found hard to deal with thanks to lack of common interests...

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Boyfriend went to bed, so... HAI DEMI!

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Boyfriend.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

See question 57.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

For my boyfriend I’d make the choice. For anyone else, maybe not, but I might do it without thinking in a crisis. I wouldn’t regret that.