#i actually went and translated that myself just to double check!

[sillypiratelife]

You need to read the live action, the manga and the anime as different canons. It's healthier to the fandom's brains AND it's also better for analyzing properly what is going on.

One Piece is the type of story that relies heavily on the medium it is presented on. Hm actually, let me correct myself: One Piece is the type of story that celebrates and understands and was born to be told in that specific medium. The form and the content don't exist as separate entities, but are rather intertwined to elevate the narrative. That the characters are soooo cartoonish is not a mere style choice— it holds meaning, it complements what the author is trying to transmit.

One of the first things that I learned in college while studying storytelling was that there's a max point for tension in any story. There's a top to how tense you can keep the audience. If you reach that point, you won't be able to intensify the emotions; that's it, you need to introduce a breather or you'd end up with a stagnant narrative.

In manga/comics and cartoons/anime it's easier to walk that line. The power to make some silly joke or have the characters acting stupid is in the hands of the mangaka. I bet any manga reader or anime watcher can think of a moment in their fav series when the characters were in the middle of a seriously important moment, just to be involved in something ridiculous that breaks the tension.

It's fantastic. Mangas and animes love to make fun of their mediums, introducing satire to allow the audience some laughs. It's not until later when the reader/watcher sits and realizes how fucked up the whole situation was. A delayed punch to the gut, something to keep the mind working and thinking of their series until they wait for the next chapter/episode.

How to make the audience feel the impact of a character? Well, you can allow the audience to empathize with the character by explaining their reasons or backstories, you can show the world through their eyes. You can also show them all goofy and happy, so when the hammer strikes the readers/watchers will be nostalgic for the good times, mourning the fact they will not get more of that and becoming nostalgic. There are so many ways to keep a character haunting a story...

Oda is aware of all the manga medium can and cannot do. For people like him, the limitations are actually just more tools to play with. If you want to double check what I'm saying, go reread the panels where Luffy awakened Gear 5. Only manga could offer what went down in those panels; when the very nature of Luffy's powers are revealed to the audience and the characters, the manga gets self-aware and voices it out: "hey, this is the type of thing that only happens in comics, right?"

The anime allows a different range of tropes and shapes the story, correctly translating it. It's true that the best translations mind the public and the medium, adapting the jokes and references. It's also true that every translation is a little betrayal to the original, a unique creation in its own right. A good example of that is the way that the fillers shape the perspective of the watchers when it comes to the characters' dynamics. If the anime has a filler arc where the fight, a new tension will be present in the next manga canon arc. If the anime shows a filler where characters are close friends, it's gonna be weird when they start acting all distance back at the manga canon events. Not all fillers are meant to be considered part of the main storyline, of course. You have OVAs and you have movies and fillers and all types of media that are considered separated.

On the other hand, you have the visual changes: imagine that the anime changes the angle of a scene where two characters used to stand close and put more distance between them. What the manga could mean as a subtle implication that those characters cared about each other could turn into cold tolerance of the other's presence. Even the best of animes have those changes!!!!

In One Piece's case, turning the story into a live action series must change almost everything. It'd be impossible to maintain the cartoonist aspects of the story (unless they decided to go full Looney Tunes in that movie with Brendan Fraser lol). The choice was the following: we can try to keep the original elements even when they translate poorly to the new medium so we can please the original fans that are used to the story —OR we can try to translate the essence of the story and change all that needs to be changed, so that we keep the storyline and storytelling coherent and cohesive, at the cost of creating something not necessarily alien, but still new.

Violence in OPLA is way more serious.

You know how in the manga/anime characters would get fatally wounded and come back like it was just a minor injury? Or how they'd heal with no major medical intervention? That's a liberty of the medium. Your brain doesn't process the same way when you see a drawing wounded and when you see a real life person wounded. In OPLA, the suspension of disbelief is harder to achieve. Even and because the story was already introducing Luffy's powers and other fantastic elements, they needed to be careful to not overdo it. One option was to make people actually die— to know that in the live action not everything is so silly? It raises the stakes. OPLA discards some elements that are natural of a manga and in consequence, the story turns out to be darker. You have no fillers or little stripes of silly drawings or author comments or openings and endings. You'll have to do with what you do have and tell a story worthy of being told in that new medium.

That's a good translation right there, made by someone who understands that you cannot copy and paste things recklessly. That's the formula that made so many live actions fail, in fact.

You'll see many fans complaining because they don't understand any of what I just explained. For them it's easier to justify their opinions by saying that "they did this bad and that's why I don't like it" than admit that "they did this correctly but it's not my thing anyway".

One big example? Fanservice cannot be carried out from manga/anime to a live action. It's not the same to exaggerate the proportions of a body in a drawing (we can discuss the morals of this later) than ask of it from a human person. It's not the same to use some sexual traits in fiction as a way to appeal to the audience than to carry out those implications to a live action (again, I'm not saying it's good or bad because that's a discussion for another time).

Actors are humans. They will never have the same characteristics as an animation or a drawing, no matter how advanced technology is. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you appreciate art for what it is in its medium.

So really, what's the healthiest option? It'd be to approach each version as exactly that, a version of the story. As foreign as it can sound to some fandoms, the audience doesn't have to justify their opinions on something. Opinions are not professional reviews or art analysis. You can be as subjective as you want! To perceive each version as its own little world is easier: you can say "I like this better" without invalidating the opinion of anyone else. There's also the fun in exploring the different implications (they look like friends in this version but like lovers in this other) and playing with the divergences. Fans do that all the time in their art (literature, visual art, music, etc)

You can also analyze different versions of what is going on and contrast them. Do the differences change the form and content of the story or just one of those things? How does this new element change the dynamic between these characters? Are the characters written well but get thrown into a new setting? Is the setting the same but the characters feels more like ocs than the characters from the original story?

Knowing how much One Piece values symbolism, it'd be interesting to see how they could translate the constant influx of symbols in the manga or in the anime to the live action. The live action might show just the most important parts, cutting all the rest for lack of both space, time and budget. What does the author consider to be vital to the story and what can be cut down?

To have three parallel Luffy's in different stages of the story is fascinating to me, more so than the idea of trying to mix three formats that won't even match, mind you.

[thedarkeyedcaptain]

Just wanted to say, Oathbringer has some really heavy themes.

I absolutly love your blog and your thoughts, and I am so excited to see your interpretations of some of the events! I really respect you analysis!

That being said, there have been times where I have had to take a break during Oathbringer. I just wanted to say that if you have to take a break, return the book, and then come back to it later, that is okay! We will all still be here later!

Remember this project is for fun, not a responsibility, so as much as I loooooove your content, please remember not to feel pressured to process more than is comfortable. ❤️

(Oathbringer is an amazing book and I think you will really enjoy it, I dont mean to be intimidating, 55 hours of Oathbringer is just a lot for 2 weeks. I wanted to remind you that 2 weeks is an artificial deadline. You can take as long as you want.)

first of all this ask is so kind!!!! thank you a lot <3

I am also so glad that you like my interpretations and analysis ! (I mean, I do do it for fun, but it's always nice to get confirmation from people that have come farther than you yourself haha feeds a bit into my ego ngl XD )

It's actually been really interesting for myself too because at my first readthrough I didn't think that much about kaladin (since I was too busy kissing the floor shallan walks on lol), I mainly dismissed my mixed feelings towards him due to the reluctant hero archetype he embodies that I don't really like. it's only after the end of wor (that fucking moash scene 😭) that I went slightly feral for his arc. *slaps his left ass cheek* this bad boy can fit so many parallels.

now I can actually pinpoint *why* Kal is my least favorite pov character (cuz I'm afraid that hasn't changed lol)! which is cool. I was a bit nervous at first since my interpretation of him isn't necessarily the most charitable (especially considering this is literally a kaladin sideblog 💀) but I'm glad that people seem to agree or at least find it interesting <3 I really love it when people somehow engage with my analysis (tags, answers, asks, rbgs, etc, be it to agree or disagree) and I do try to always respond (though sometimes it takes a bit bcs i need to translate word vomit into sth actually coherent or I haven't really thought about it before)

I have also been told multiple times by now that I need to read row, which I am hyped about !! ^^

wow. okay. I feel like that went away from me for a bit. I apologize for that lol

the two weeks are actually because I'm listening to everything on Libby, and you can't really extend the stormlight books because they are so popular. with words of radiance for example (which I bought, bc for some reason that is the only book in the series that isn't available at my library??) I took about a month I think, so almost double that haha

but I thought it over and I'm probably gonna either make a free trial run at bookbeat or sth so I can listen to it with more calm or just straight up buy it as well. rushing through oathbringer specifically will probably be no good rip

I've actually recently discovered popcorn thrillers so I'm taking breaks from oathbringer by reading some relaxing *checks note* patricide and child kidnapping!

thank you again and I hope everyone reading this has a marvelous day <3

[hambrababy]

A Journey Through an Internet Anime Rumor on Takeyuki Kanda

There is a rumor that’s spread about anime director Takeyuki Kanda’s sudden death in 1996 that has nothing to back it up. As best as I can tell, it remains unfounded and almost certainly false. The rumor is that he died in a car crash, but the only available information on Japanese sites doesn’t mention that at all. The oldest source I could find for that rumor was an uncited English Wikipedia article written by an account later banned for bad edits.

The only confirmed detail on Kanda’s death is that he suddenly passed away at the age of 52. That much, at a minimum, is confirmed by an official interview on the VOTOMS website with Ryosuke Takahashi that mentions Kanda’s passing, specifically in its third footnote.

I was (and still am) working on a separate, more fun article about a series of anime image albums, but I got sucked into this rabbit hole over the last few days. I figured I’d tell the story of how this unraveled, as well as share some thoughts on anime rumors in general.

Hey, Maybe Someone Should Check Wikipedia

I was chatting with people from Inka Subs about Vifam, and Ralem, one of the staffers, posted the credits of its 1920’s Chicago gag spinoff OVA short. The credits are in English and contain a bunch of names and inside jokes on the staff involved, and one of them was for the director “Drunkard Kanda”.

Takeyuki Kanda was a seasoned anime director who worked on many shows over his career, and he was Vifam’s series director, hence the shoutout. A tidbit I’d heard through the years and repeated myself was that Kanda died while directing the Gundam: The 08th MS Team OVA because he got into a fatal car accident. Because other staff noted his tendency to drink, that carried the implicit connotation of an alcoholic car crash, which would explain why the OVA had a director change part way through. It’s a short, somewhat dramatic story that gives a grim flourish of sudden crisis to the production of The 08th MS Team.

Except I thought for a second and realized that I wasn’t sure where that detail actually came from. I’d heard it so often, but where did it come from originally? Just to double check, I went to his English Wikipedia page to see if it was sourced there.

It was soon apparent that something was wrong. The Wikipedia page for Kanda was barebones, and it hadn’t been updated since June 13th, 2021. The article at the time had this as its bio paragraph at the start:

None of this information was cited whatsoever. There were no formatted citations, no in-text descriptions, and no links of any kind except external ones to IMDB and ANN. The page had a huge “this article needs additional citations for verification” warning slapped right at the top since 2019, but nothing had been done to fix anything.

I switched over to JP Wikipeda to see if it was listed there. I don’t know Japanese myself, but even from cautiously using both Google Translate and DeepL with the page, there’s no mention there of any sort of car crash, which was also checked by the Inka people who knew Japanese.

I looked back through the history of the page to see where that detail could have possibly come from, and it turned out that unverified detail was there from the page’s inception in 2015. That’s also where I noticed that there was an additional unverified detail about Kanda being “heavily inspired by Stanley Kubrick and Steven Spilberg [sic]” (and 20 days later even added Nicolas Roeg). The user who made that page had not only received warnings from other Wikipedia editors for adding unverified information even before the article was written, but was repeatedly blocked and later permabanned for sockpuppeting, unverified malicious edits, and personally attacking other editors.

Needless to say, the car crash detail is very suspect and unreliable. There’s no reason to believe it’s real based on the existing current evidence. Other Inka members checked through JPN sites with pages about Kanda, and none of them mentioned a car crash. Checking on my own, it’s not mentioned in the Pixiv encyclopedia, the NicoNicoDouga encyclopedia, nor even a fan-site Sunrise encyclopedia. All of those are user generated and don’t have sources themselves, so even the details that are there are unverified.

There is official interview on the VOTOMS website with Ryosuke Takahashi in 2010 where mentions Kanda. The third footnote only confirms that he suddenly passed away at the age of 52 in 1996, with no mention of the cause of death. The note does mention he shared drinks, but there are no further details beyond that.

It’s possible somewhere out there, there’s some obscure contemporaneous Japanese article or coverage where something like that maybe happened. But until any actual proof emerges, there’s no reason to believe the car crash rumor is true, or any of the other details on those JP sites for that matter. The only verifiable detail is that Takeyuki Kanda suddenly passed away at the age of 52 in 1996. If anyone has more reliable information to add to this, please share it.

Other Wrong Listings

The next “official” source I could find for that car crash rumor was ANN’s encyclopedia page on Kanda. The detail has no information on its source unless logged in, but I initially thought it could have maybe had some reputable source.

After logging in, its only listed source was that same Wikipedia article. AniDB's page also has that detail but again only lists Wikipedia as its source.

With all this looking like a mess, I decided to remove that detail from Kanda’s Wikipedia page myself. I also submitted an error report to ANN and to AniDB, both of which are pending at the time of this post.

I decided to later check the 08th MS Team Wikipedia article to correct the information there as well, and that’s where another oddity popped up. It had “citation” on Kanda dying in a car crash, but it was an anime blog that gave me a fake virus warning pop-up ad upon opening. That blog post had no source listed. There was also a link to a different anime blog saying that the episodes were delayed after of Kanda’s death (though they don’t mention the rumor, good on them!), which is at least a more plausible inference based on the release schedule, but still not confirmed. I deleted those sections as well.

I think that rumor is now at least dead on Wikipedia and hopefully soon ANN and AniDB, but by that point it had likely spread for years. I’m thankful people shared my description of this on Twitter, but that’s still a small subset of a niche of a niche on an unrepresentative website. Who knows how far that unconfirmed detail has spread?

Something Was Wrong on the Internet

Despite my attempt to tell this somewhat as a story, all of this was rather basic. Checking a Wikipedia article to see if it has a citation takes seconds. Even with blunt use of auto-translator software, which itself is very imperfect even in the most narrow and careful possible circumstances, checking JP Wikipedia and other bio sites had no mention of anything close to an auto accident. Finding reliable anime information is a thankless task, but doing the most basic fact-checking to see if a detail has a confirmed source is relatively simple. Anything unsourced on Wikipedia is always suspect, and even things with sources there need checking to see what they’re linking too.

It’s commendable that English staff databases and editable encyclopedias even exist, but those also have structural issues. On ANN, you can’t see the source listed for something unless you’re logged in, which seems like a rather serious flaw for a public encyclopedia that’s the most public-facing source of Anime staff information aside from smaller sites like AniDB and AniList. Having an editor manually approve changes is a good deterrent from false info getting posted, but it does make it harder to speedily correct things aside from using error reports to put tiny red warning circles.

As much of a weird obsession this has been for me over the last few days, and as much as it feels good to see this attempt at a correction getting shared, it is still emblematic of a larger problem.

Wrong and misleading information is a longstanding issue in English anime fandom and companies, especially when communication was more limited, but even the long-debunked ones remain nigh-unkillable even now. How many times has the “Ghost Stories flopped” rumor been spread even though it was totally wrong? Or the rumor about where Toriyama “intended” for Dragon Ball to end that’s not only inaccurate across the board but also includes outright hoaxes? Or the lacking knowledge about the anime production process as a whole?

Even from my own experiences, small details can cause these kinds of issues if they remain unchecked. A few 0079 mecha on the Gundam Wiki had to have their articles reformatted because their model numbers were lifted from made-up details posted to Japanese Wikipedia years ago from a doujin site, including the Gaw and the Dopp (thanks to editors MatokoLee and SuperFeatherYoshi for pointing these out!). The Dopp one was copied into the Wiki in 2011, but no one had bothered to verify them for so long because there was no immediate reason to suspect they were wrong. This isn’t as egregious as the prior examples since all the tech specs for mecha are fictional (and sometimes contradictory), but even the tiniest pieces of incorrect anime info can linger on for years.

I won’t give other specific rumors any more oxygen, but this still happens with tons of recent shows. One detail from an interview or one comment from an animator on twitter can get spun into something totally unfounded from the original basis of what they were trying to say, and then those misconceptions only get more repeated and exaggerated the more users and sites they pass through.

To some extent, a certain amount of this is inevitable given the language and cultural barrier for English anime fandom. But since anime has grown far wider from its initial niche, it’s almost even easier for bad information to spread quickly while corrections and actual well-researched information can’t catch up. Running actual news and press sites is challenging as online news faces many economic struggles, and there’s little incentive for individuals or influencer-type people to concern themselves with accuracy. It’s easy, and frankly more entertaining, to mythologize about so many aspects of anime production and history, to spread speculation, or to share funny or gripping details that sound true enough while never bothering to do the most basic checking on any of them.

I sometimes wonder if it is possible to make some kind of website cataloging and debunking common anime misconceptions and rumors. Kazenshuu’s rumor guide is the most comprehensive in debunking anime-related rumors, even if it’s only for Dragon Ball. Wikizilla’s misconceptions page (thanks Chungris!) is also another good example, as is TFWiki’s  “urban legends” page. But there needs to be a way more centralized way to broadcast these kinds of rumor-debunkings rather than individual people happening to find them years later.

The obvious takeaway from all this is for people to be more cautious, which seems straightforward enough, but that only gets so far. My blither takeaway is that more people, myself included, should just learn Japanese. There’s a whole world of anime magazines, interviews, websites, and more that could clear up tons of longstanding rumors and even provide new details never accessible beyond Japan before, but so much remains untranslated. I have paid people to translate things I really wanted to access before (thanks Windii!), but realistically that’s an expense I can’t incur that frequently.

Life is already getting busy for me, but I think there’s merit to devoting enough time to learn some Japanese. Anime is a hobby, but it’s a hobby I love and want to learn as much as I can. Relying so much on secondhand info spread through random people, having to use flawed and unreliable auto-translate programs to skim websites, or being lucky enough to know fansubbers with actual Japanese knowledge isn’t a sustainable substitute for actually knowing things.

Learning Japanese wouldn’t fix everything. Bad information and rumors still spread among JP fans too. Even official sources from companies can intentionally mislead, while faulty memoirs and recollections from animators can get things wrong. But the English anime community needs more serious, verifiable (and far less scattered) work on sourcing anime history and news. If any of us can move that needle and stop wrong info from spreading, then that’s already more valuable than any amount of casual waffling, opinionating, and speculation that only begets more wrong information.

So be the annoying pedant who asks where someone got the detail they’re sharing. Don’t spread something that sounds too neat and simple without bothering to check. Don’t take anything for granted. Learn Japanese and look things up yourself. Demand better of others and yourself.

By the way, this shouldn’t overshadow Kanda’s extensive career in anime. I haven’t finished Vifam yet, but I highly recommend it. Watch the shows Kanda worked on and played a huge role in shaping. Let that be his legacy.

Postscript: Some Better Sources

This is by no means an exhaustive list and I don’t mean to snub anyone, but I figured I’d at least post a few people I know are more thorough with things to steer this post towards a better direction.

Regarding Gundam, I can recommend Mark Simmons’ UC-focused website, Feez’s Turn A blog, and the translations on the Zeonic Website. They have lots of old interviews and production details translated that are invaluable for understanding the behind-the-scenes of Gundam.

For anime production information more generally, I can recommend the Full Frontal team and the SakugaBlog/Booru team. They’re doing some of the best active work in covering current anime creators and detailing the current state of the industry with high quality translations and original reporting of their own.

Windii has been an immense help for me in the past, and she’s actively soliciting to translate and preserve tons of anime (and lots of Sonic) related stuff.

This is with the clarification that I don’t watch anime youtubers, but I can at least say MercuryFalcon has some very well-sourced videos, especially his Toei Fushigi Comedy one.

None of these are perfect, but they do a solid job of translating information that I’d like to see more of. Again, apologies if I forgot or don’t know about other people, but I figured I’d shout out a few of the ones I do know.

[kaleidodreams]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks to @sorakazeno for tagging me!

How many works do you have on AO3?

222! (Keeping in mind that I've been writing fics for over twenty years at this point.)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,747,556

What fandoms do you write for?

Yuri!!! on Ice and Sailor Moon are my main fandoms at the moment, but I've written for Kaleido Star, Fruits Basket, Card Captor Sakura, Princess Tutu, Someday's Dreamers, Harry Potter, and Fire Emblem in the past. Oh, and a Sailor Moon/Super GALS crossover.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

"Midnight Magic" (Card Captor Sakura) - 401 (Somehow!)

"No Longer Alone" (Kaleido Star) - 164

"One Kiss" (Sailor Moon) - 146

"Realization" (Sailor Moon) - 144

"Welcome to the Family" (Yuri!!! on Ice) - 135

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I at least try to thank people for reading and enjoying the fic!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably "Do Not Cry For Me", my Mercury/Zoisite Silver Millennium fic…or maybe "Salvation", an AU Chibi-Usa/Helios vampire fic? I might personally give a slight edge to "Salvation", just because C/H is my OTP!

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Happiest? Man, that's a hard question! I honestly don't know. Um…maybe "Double Blessing", where JJ and Isabella find out that not only have they been approved to adopt a little girl from China, Isabella has finally gotten pregnant after dealing for years with unexplained fertility. That's pretty happy!

Do you get hate on fics?

On occasion. Bound to happen when you've written as much and for as long as I have.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I do, even though I'm asexual myself and have no real-life experience! I've written all kinds: het, m/m, w/w, even a few threesomes.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Generally, no, but I did write one a long time ago, the aforementioned Sailor Moon/Super GALS fic. I also toyed with the idea of a Sailor Moon/Witch Hunter Robin crossover, but that never went anywhere.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, twice. The first one was in the days of A Sailor Moon Romance. I've forgotten which fic it actually was, but I remember it was funny because the summary and my story did not match at all, and I might not have even caught them if I wasn't a Minako/Yaten fan and checked it out because the summary sounded interesting! (The stolen fic was not M/Y. Knowing me, it was probably C/H.) The second fic is probably still up at FF.net since the site's pretty much unmoderated nowadays. They took my fic "Daddy's Little Girl" and just changed the names to turn it into a Gundam Wing fic.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, someone translated my ficlet "Snip, Snip" into Russian.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not exactly, but back in the day, SuperKateB adopted a fic idea I had (with permission, of course) and credited me as her co-writer, even though I didn't do any of the actual writing. I just came up with the initial plot -- an unsigned love letter making the rounds between various Sailor Moon characters, leading to a bunch of misunderstandings -- and offered some suggestions. I think I may have beta'd it, too? (I think it was called "Love Chain"? I don't know if it's still posted anywhere online, though.)

What’s your all time favourite ship?

It's a tie between Chibi-Usa/Helios and Otabek/Yuri!

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

"Metamorphosis", which is a Helios origin story exploring how he became priest of Elysion.

What are your writing strengths?

Characterization, maybe?

What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh, descriptions, without a doubt! I suck at writing descriptions.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Okay with me, as long as the meaning can be reasonably inferred.

First fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon

Favourite fic you’ve written?

I can't really decide between "To Be By Your Side" (Sailor Moon, Chibi-Usa/Helios) or the "It's Complicated" series (Yuri!!! on Ice, which features Ace!Yuri and Otabek in a queerplatonic relationship and Otabek/Mila in a sexual, romantic relationship, resulting in my favorite OT3.)

I'm not going to tag anybody, but feel free to do this if you want!

[sburbian-sage]

hey. fuck, i dont even know why im sendin this in. i'm the last one in my session, there's still shit to do, i'll have to get off my ass and do it eventually, but, uh. yeah it's just lonely as shit out here, heheh. um. sage of void. just. saying hello i guess! might see if i can get somewhere new with the magicant. it's been good to me so far. loneliness just doing a number on me. i hope it isnt intolerable for you, out where you are.

If you're thinking of escaping your session with the Skaian Magicant, I don't imagine you will, as a heads up. Though I do have a personal interest in saying this, because if it turns out you can do that and I went into this fuck-ass lovecraft-ass black space for no reason I might actually transmogrify myself into a public art exhibition.

I appreciate the show of solidarity from a fellow Sage, but between us both I think your situation is more dire. My main threat is mind-numbing boredom, starvation, and the possibility that I collide with something and instantly depressurize, killing me before I know it. You're still IN THE GAME, and the only advantage you have over me is better food and sunlight.

Advice on how to complete the session ASAP is somewhere between "obvious" and "you might want to look up a devoted guide". But to pay it back, I'll just tell you how I deal with the solitude and keeping up my mental wellbeing in the face of adversity.

This comes naturally to us as Sages, but bust out the whiteboard and write down everything you need to do it, with a list of steps if it's particularly involved or complicated. Not only can you cross things off (or checkmark them if it's a routine), but breaking down a daunting gauntlet into a series of smaller steps builds the fortitude of mind to take it on. For you specifically, this also boosts RP.

The Replayernet isn't just valuable for all the guides, it has things and people in it. If you have friends, keep in contact with them for the moral support. If you have hobbies, indulge them so you don't explode. If you're running low on reasons to live, "what if my favorite webcomic updates" can be enough.

Uphold your routines. Only excise them definitively, NEVER shirk them because it's not that important, you can do it later, etc. Some self-discipline builds willpower, and deciding not to do something inconsequential like brushing your teeth, changing your clothes, or checking your DMs can end up being the first step in a slow suicide., where everything becomes not that important and then you die.

Prioritizing your mental health is important, but don't neglect your duties, game-mandated or otherwise. There are times where you'll face a tough puzzle or difficult boss and want to turn in for the day and watch cartoons or something. Nobody's there to put your nose to the grindstone and regulate your behavior, so that falls upon you. Treat it like a reward for a hard day's work. Do not succumb to sedentary pleasures.

Similarly, the hobbies don't all have to be mindless pleasure, and in face shouldn't be (or shouldn't entirely be). This blog is somewhere between hobby and duty. I do it because it's useful, mentally stimulating, and challenges me in a lower-stakes environment. You can get similar results from books, puzzles, or video games. That last one is especially recommended by me, get your hands on some ROMs and an emulator. Those old-school games are simple to learn, challenging to master, not to mention you get to lord your superiority over other people by listing how many games that never got an official translation/export you've beaten.

You've probably done all of this before, or are familiar with the outline of what I'm reccomending. The advice is meant to spur you to double-down and provide structure to it. You're standing alone now, but that doesn't mean you can't build guard-rails or other systems of support to keep yourself from falling over.

[charthanry]

The One Where I’m Nanon’s Cousin?

I had the most bizarre dream last night. One where I was Nanon’s cousin and was staying with him. I was still myself (like I wasn’t using someone else’s identity) but I miraculously understood Thai or at least everything Nanon said to me was in perfect English and he understood me in return. I knew I was an imposter cousin and suspect Nanon knew as well but was humoring me. His sister was also there but she had a different face. Since I knew I was going to wake up at some point (yes, very much aware I was dreaming), I quickly catalogued everything I could about what I saw.

Nanon is messy, like, his room was a mess. He’s the type of person who drops his things as he walks in and forgets about it. There are questionably clean clothes lying about, scattered knick knacks here and there. He’s not gross messy, just very disorganized. Basically the opposite of Pran.

He has My Little Pony bedsheets. I’m not kidding, I double checked to be sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. I asked about them and he said they were a gag gift from his sister and were perfectly good sheets to not use. So, I felt them and he was right, they’re really soft.

He’s a hardcore gamer. He was watching a gaming stream on his TV while simultaneously gaming on his mobile. He was playing League of Legends.

He’s techie. At one point, I was messaging @hereforlou on tumblr telling them “omg! I am in Nanon’s room right now!” but the message I sent was gibberish and poor hereforlou was trying to use tumblr’s built-in translator (yeah, that’s a thing in my dream world) and it wasn’t making any sense to either of us. I whined to Nanon saying my phone wasn’t working and he held out his hand to take it from me, eyes never leaving his mobile. I watch in awe as he somehow managed to troubleshoot my phone while never leaving his own mobile game. He hands my phone back to me and I felt I had to explain myself and my entire tumblr existence to him saying I’m just a supportive cousin, okay? I get an eyeroll from him in response.

I finally get hereforlou to understand that I’m actually breathing the same air as Nanon right now and photographic evidence is requested. I tell Nanon I need a picture of us together and he obliges, but all of our selfies turn out unusable because he’s hilariously contorting his face in all of them. I tell him to be normal. He again obliges. Then he goes back to his game and his sister walks in.

She plops down on the bed next to me and asks if I’m hungry I say I could eat. I look at Nanon and ask if he’s hungry, he shrugs. I say I could go out and buy us something? Nanon doesn’t respond. I start getting up and his sister tugs me back down and nods towards Nanon. He then pulls out a second phone (wtf? who is this guy?) and places an order for delivery.

I start chatting with his sister while we wait for the food. She’s very much spilling the tea on Nanon’s love life and I of course gobble it up. I’m no fool. She tells me that Nanon has never had an official girlfriend just fellow actresses that he’s been linked with. She reveals that there was this one actress who could have become something but it never went anywhere because her brother is a sad loser. I look at Nanon and raise my eyebrow and he again shrugs as if he can’t deny it.

She gets a text from someone and leaves the room to answer. So, I take this as my opportunity to ask Nanon about Ohm. I ask him what really happened between them. Why are things the way they are. He suddenly puts down his mobile (for the first time!) and levels his gaze at me. I get the patented Nanon intense stare. I’m like ooh, is he mad? Have I crossed a line? But he’s not upset at the questions, more so resigned. He opens his mouth to answer and that’s when my damn alarm clock goes off and wakes me. !$#*^&@*%!!

I snooze the alarm and desperately try to cling onto the dream to get some answers from him, but nope. He and his My Little Pony sheets and messy room are gone.

[the-river-is-right-there-chopper]

I've just lost at least 4 braincells, 2 hours and my laptop is melting so storytime!

I have this class at Uni that specifically teaches how to write and format research papers/reports/theses. For our semester long project each student had to pick a random article from a science magazine and write a few pages on its topic, along with some pictures and graphs.

Mistake number 1: The article was in English. The project was supposed to be in Polish (my native language). And since the topic of the article was "Social outcomes of education" while the subject of my studies is nowhere near that field of science, I figured I'll just translate the thing, format it as the professor likes and be done with that course. It's not like I have to do my own research (that doesn't stand nowhere near my future engineering degree) in this class that focuses purely on mastering Word, Excel and PowerPoint, right? Wrong! I have to write the project myself and use real, accurate data to make my own graphs.

Mistake number 2: Remember when teachers in high school would tell you "You have to cite your sources. Wikipedia is NOT a source"? I've never had to use it but it was a well known lifehack to cite Wikipedia's sources instead. So where did my mind go? Just see where the article got its data and use it yourself. Fuck the text, I'll rewrite it later, now let's make some graphs! The sources are right there, it's that easy!

So I went to the European Social Survey website, feeling so good that my data will be up to date, downloaded the results of the latest survey, opened it with my spreadsheet,

which started lagging immensly,

after a few minutes I could move the mouse again.

There were THOUSANDS of variables and TEN TIMES MORE the amount of values. The only words I could recognize, while searching through the program ad 2 seconds per frame, were names of countries.

I decided that even for the course's standards this was way out of my league. Unfortunately I had a hard time finding any more casual user friendly data on the topic so I was back at the ESS. This time around I saw I can manually select variables I actually need. And they have descriptions what their values mean! This will go smoothly!

It did not.

Mistake number 3 and the reason I decided to share this: I open a clean soreadsheet with only 2 variables - educational attainment and life satisfaction. Entries are divided by countries. Goal: Make a graph that shows people with higher education feel happier. I need to take the average score (1-10) from each group (1-5). Let's start with Belgium. I go to the data spreadsheet, filter the score for only the grouop with the lowest education. Select first value, endless, laggy scrolling to the last value, shift, select. Average score: 7,6.

This made me feel weird, since it's a 1-10 scake and this score should be the lowest from the 5 groups. Oh well, maybe Belgians are just very satisfied with their lives. Jealous.

Next group's score was 7,2. Now that raised my suspicion. All 5 groups of people with different educational attachments scored well within error of 1 point. That wasn't supposed to happen. I double checked with the article and, well, on its survey the differences between Belgian groupse were indeed small. So I decided to check which country had the highest differences and check it next. What will it be? Poland. Oh, yeah, Poland do be having differences.

Back to the spreadsheet, I settled on only checking the lowest, highest and the group in the middle to save time. Group 1 scored... around 7. Similar to group 3. Didn't even check the last one, Poles can't be that satisfied with their lives, can they? I should know, I'm one! And right now I'm miserable!

Devastated I checked the data sheet. Maybe I screwed up with the filteres? Let's check. Country? Show only Poland. Education? Show only level 3. Life satisfaction? There it is, scores of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 88. Wait.

Well it turns out, that the survey, apart from the regular scores was also accounting for answers like "I don't know", or "I won't say". And values for these were 55, 66, 77 and so on. So no shit the average scores were coming out wrong when each group had multiple Happiness Georges who were living their best lives Adn. Should. Not. Have. Been. Counted. I selected the scores excluding outliers and Poles' life satisfaction dropped to 5,5. Yeah, that's more like it.

Anyway that's it there's no moral I'm just really tired and wanted to vent have a great day

[ethanisdoing]

Tracing Back A Viral Photo

This took me quite a while, and I made a lot of wrong turns, but got there in the end. I'm going to try to be concise, as there are a lot of steps.

While scrolling Reddit, I found this image of a woman giving handshakes from a distance with a toy claw.

Now, this was posted to mock people who would pay money to meet a "teen idol (a very corporate Japanese celebrity)," but not even being able to shake her actual hand. Obviously, there's more to the story here. So, lets delve deeper.

Initially reading the comments on that post, many users speculate that this is because of increasingly creepy fans doing gross things. Mostly, the comments repeat their laments for how creepy and gross people can be.

So, to double check, and doing a reverse google image search, we find an article that almost confirms those suspicions.

With the search, the only English article I could find was from JapanToday. In their article, they claim that the teen idol band AKB48 had to start taking further precautions for their handshake-centric meet and greets due to a fan pulling out a foldable saw and attacking the girls.

Well, that's pretty morbid. But still, I am skeptical of the image, and it still isn't sourced or labeled. No need to check the validity of JapanToday (I did anyway, not to much avail) as they cite their source at the bottom,

An original author, Asahi Shimbun. Awesome, so lets plug that in and see where it takes us!

Almost nowhere. I had searched many variations of the above, with no new sources or upstream work to be found. In the mean time, I checked that AKB48 were a real band, and of course they were, so there needed to be more out there about such a crazy story and curious photo.

I finally just searched "Asahi Shimbun akb48" just generally to see if I could find any English articles on either subject (I should say, doing all of this was made much harder due to the source material being from another country and in another language).

A bit of scrolling, and I was able to find an article by The Guardian about it, and out of anything, they were the most trustworthy source so far. It wasn't really related, but it was the next link, I thought. I looked down to see related articles, and bam.

It seemed to be the perfect next step, but still, no mention of a toy claw and revisions to make things safer with distant handshaking.

At this moment, I actually couldn't find anything else, and realized I had to give up on this line of research. I looked up some other things close to this, but nothing further was revealed, and I just found myself on other Reddit posts of the same picture with more speculations told as fact about creepy fans. I'm sure the fans are creepy, I just don't have proof that the lady with the claw arm is related.

I went back to square one and did something I should have done a long time before. I decided to reverse Google image search with the oldest known dates in mind, and went to the first occurrence of the image I could find in a sea of Japanese websites.

It was just that easy. Everything else I was reading was from 2014, and this article from Oricon News was from 2009. It revealed a whole lot, and after translating the website, the true story unfolded.

A really good sign, other pictures from the same event. Supposedly an event held about the release of a new book.

I followed the website's designed path to find out more about the lady in the picture, Miyuki Torii, the author said book.

Here, I think was the final thread of information I needed.

She's a comedian and actress. It was just a book release, and she was being comedic about it. It has nothing to do with teen idols or creepy fans, no new restrictions on distancing herself from people; she just wanted to be goofy with a toy claw, and people on the internet are using the image for many different things.

To verify further, I checked the news source, Oricon News, and as far as I can tell from their public information, they seem legitimate.

I also further verified by looking up "Miyuki Torii books" and finding ones that matched the images from the event in the photos on the Oricon webpage.

I think this is as far as I could go with this without being pedantic, and I'm satisfied with the result. Totally not what I expected, and ended up being quite different from what was initially being purported.

After putting the couple hours of work in, though, I went back and found the the original Reddit post has a comment now clarifying that it's a comedian, which defeats the purpose of what I just did. They solved it for me before I could type this all out,

but I still enjoyed the journey.

[deivorous]

@mysteriousshopkeeper asked @“Do you think it's more than coincidence, considering where his Hollow hole is located, that Grimmjow loves to punch holes through peoples' torsos?”

Headcanon: Grimmjow commits emotionally invested homicide via injury matching his own hollow hole.

Grimmjow kills (a measly) 5 characters on screen: Luppi, Melony, Loly, Quilge, & Askin (chapters 240, 273, 500, 665/666). He doesn’t kill a single one of them with a blow to the abdomen. The count is:

Impalement: 1 (Askin)

Crush injury: 1 (Loly)

Sword strike: 1 (Quilge)

Cero: 2 (Luppi + Melony)

As you can see~ No deaths via abdominal impalement. The closest would be Askin or Luppi, but both are pretty clearly shots to the chest where there is a heart (or would be a heart if Luppi had one).

Grimmjow has, however, stabbed two people in the guts! Right about where his own hollow hole sits! Both of these people are our protagonists. Ichigo twice and Rukia once.

When Grimmjow states that Ulquiorra “punches a hole in the exact same location”, in the upper sternum, Grimmjow says Ulquiorra has does so because he has “taken interest in his prey”. This preference for leaving a hole in their prey’s body at the same location as a hollow hole is likely pervasive through Arrancar and Hollows, including Grimmjow.

The relationship between Grimmjow and Ichigo is too complex to fit into this post, but their fight is deeply personal.  Grimmjow has clearly stated on multiple occasions (including in the above panel) that Ichigo is his prey. Thus, it is no surprise that Grimmjow impales Ichigo through the stomach, not once but twice.

Grimmjow’s relationship and perspective on Rukia is not so neatly laid out by the text however, and we must make some inferences. Rukia is Di Roy’s killer.

Grimmjow’s first words to our protagonists are as follows (with some variation based on translation):

“What is this? Di Roy’s killers are still here and waiting around? You wont get away with this! I’ll have no choice but to kill you both!!” (202, pg 6)

Grimmjow’s deceleration is aimed at both Rukia and Ichigo equally, though only one’s reiatsu is still in the air from her recent victory. This is why Grimmjow goes for her first (despite thinking she’s the weaker of the two). He is mad that Rukia killed his fracción. He identifies Rukia as his prey, and he guts her in revenge.

TL;DR Grimmjow only aims for the abdomen when hunting people selected as his prey. This indicates that his killing them is personal.

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

My fan's journey to Joey Batey

Important: I didn't tag other artists I'm listing here because I don’t feel comfortable in any other fandom. I don't think this will be read or shared a lot but yet I make this announcement as I hope this post will stay in this corner.

Well this is personal stuff I wanted to share. Tumblr is actually the only platform I find myself OK to share my fan experience. So here I am sharing those memories. I'm sure no-one will be interested in it but, as I said, it's ok 😊.

Did you ever ask yourself why you like certain things, certain artists? I do sometimes. And I like to search in my own history who made a difference and what opened my mind to new things. Because when I am a fan of something I have a tendency to tunnel in it for long periods of time. And suddenly something new makes its way in my heart and soul, and I take another tunnel. I never quite leave the former one, this is just another section, leading to another etc.

I like a lot of stuff, really eclectic stuff, but I rarely define myself as a fan of something or someone. I need a strong emotional connection and at some point of my life they become anchors. There are strangely more artists that I'm fan of now than in my teenage years. Maybe that's because I need more anchors now and that I'm somehow more vulnerable. Maybe it's simply easier now with Internet too. The biggest difference I notice is that it's easier to find people who like the same artists as I do nowadays. When I was young, I was pretty much out of my timezone and none of my friends understood my tastes. I had to wait till high school and uni to find 1 person that shared some of them.

The starting point

While I was rewinding my fan's journey to Joey, I was trying to find what those people have in common. Well, they are white men, and that's pretty much it 😅. In reality, I like a lot of female artists (even within the groups I will speak about) and artists with different skin color. They could have been my anchors at some point. Yet things went differently.

Why? My guess is because my parents' tastes were the starting point. My father is black from the West Indies from a very religious house but by accident the first music album he ever possessed was vinyl of Dire Straits found buried in the sand. And he felt in love with rock while his sisters and brothers never did. And funnily enough, it all translated to the next generation as all of my cousins seem to dig more in our West Indies roots than I am. On my mother side, it is almost a cliché of strong text driven french singers. But put this together and you already have a good idea of what will be my path. And here is another thing to explore : how much of our tastes are really ours? Well I told you, I like to ask myself a lot of questions...

Let's start my fangirl journey then.

On the picture bellow are the main points of my journey, but I'll speak of some others in between because they shaped the evolution of my tastes in music mostly.

I'll explain to a certain extend how they slowly led me to Joey Batey who checks all the boxes of what I love in an artist today.

>> 1991 🇬🇧 - I discovered Queen literally the day Freddie Mercury died. I was a bit young but after I saw the band on TV and heard their music, I asked my parent to buy me a K7. I liked it and listened to it a lot for a few months, and then forgot it for about 4 years. But, young teenage me found this K7 again and, after that, went YEARS of almost nothing but Queen's music for me. I was a fan of Freddie Mercury and Roger Taylor in particular. Well... Freddie, what can I say? Of course... That voice, that presence! Freddie was the first artist I found attractive.

And Roger Taylor is such an under radar performer. You would never imagine that his broken voice could go that high, and that he could double Freddie while drumming like a beast. He impressed me so much...

At the time, I was strongly deviating from what was popular to hear and at school nobody understood my "old" person tastes. I couldn't care less. They had their idiols, I had mine.

Note : I'm ace, but back then I didn't know. I took me a long time (almost 30 years) to understand that what I called attraction was merely fascination for others. I am now aware that the people I'm fan of are not all handsome by the canons, and maybe in my younger years that's why my friends never understood my tastes.

After I dug all I could about Queen, I plunged into all kind of rock music from the 70's and 80's (thanx dady I guess 😅) and then jump to metal, through operatic and symphonic metal.

The metal path

Those are the singer/musician from my 00's that I can say they made a strong impression on me, and that are little steps forward in my journey toward Joey even if they don't seem to.

- 🇫🇷 Patrice Guers joined the group Rhapsody as a bassist. The group was doing like a Lord of The Rings metal saga with a lot of baroque and romantic era music influences. When the guy came, that was the first time I heard such difficult lines at the bass in a metal band. And the more incredible thing was that he never used any pick to play, like it was common in this style of music. What he does cannot be played with a pick anyway. It was all fingers, baby ! He was shy in the back and suddenly he made that bass sing like a crazy jazz player lost in epic fantasy tales. He made me go feral about fusion of genres in music.

- 🇫🇮 Marco Hietala from Nightwish. A viking that that could sing like an angel or a demon while playing. As a bassist he was always a bit in the back because he often did back vocals with only parts as lead. But anytime he sang his very powerful voice sent shivers down my spine, even though the group has strong and powerful lead female vocalists. I loved them but always waited to hear that viking step in and crush it. In the end, he had more and more parts to sing as a lead. Unfortunately he stepped away from music due to mental health issus.

- 🇫🇮 Snowy Shaw. I discovered him when he joined Therion. Both are maybe the most unstettling/shady artists I've been fan of. This is one of the rare group from that period I could see live and Snowy Shaw made the show another level by his on stage presence - he had so much energy and stamina - and his insane vocals. He could twist his voice and jump from a style to another in a blink of a eye. Therion has a complex music written as pieces of symphony with choirs and orchestra. They rarely went with full orchestra, so on stage was just the core band. They had 4 singers : 2 males and 2 females. Snowy literally filled all the gaps in the vocals when needed. From the bass to crazy high notes. And he made me appreciate growls because of the way he combined it with everything else.

But he is just a small step to a bigger one later 😉.

On the same period of time, I was into french rock/folk music also. And this is a very different hook that got me there: the storytelling.

The storytellers

- 🇫🇷 Christian Descamp aka "Le Père" (the father). A strange guy with a powerfully baritone voice that wrote psychedelic songs for the band Ange (angel), which the oldest rock band still active in France. He is a powerhouse of interpretation and can be magnetic when he goes feral. In the first albums, stories were between the fantasy and fantastic genre. Then it goes for a more realistic root but with terrific metaphors that made my brain boil.

- 🇫🇷 Jean Louis Jossic : one of the three "Yann" of the folk rock band Tri Yann. This is french celtic root music (yes we have celts in France and also a local celtic language). Jean Louis hasn't the most beautiful voice from the three, but he has the power of storytelling and he creates modern legends. The band modernised french celtic folk music, making it rock and progressive and those stories the man told prouved that fantasy could be also modern tales.

If you begin to find any relation with Joey, well... I told you they all shaped the way I enjoy things 😊.

Well, let's get back to the mains.

Strange connections

>> 2000's 🇬🇧 - Alan Rickman is the first actor I became fan of and that I watched almost all the films in was in. He played mostly villains or shady characters but there was something magnetic to his performances. And he had that voice! Oh boy! I have a thing for voices 😅. My female friends were telling me he was ugly and old. And I was like : does it matter ? As I said at that time, I didn't know I was ace and I couldn't find any logical attraction in pretty boys. For me it was always something else that made the difference.

And as for actors, this something else often resided in emotions. Not the plain sight ones, but the little things with subtext and layers that dig deep in you...

>> 2005 🇦🇹 - Robert Rother aka Bertl and Leonhard Paul aka Professor. They are members of the austrian comedic brass band Mnozil Brass who arranged all type of music for brass and were very inventive on the scenery. Each of the 7 musicians is exceptional in his way but Berlt and Leonhard were my top favourites.

They are literally opposed physically and within their role in the band. Bertl is husky and bold and plays trumpet (high register). He is a soloist but more often second voice. Leonhard is slim with long hair and plays the trombone and the bugle (low register). He is leader of his section. Even in their comedic role they are opposed. Bertl plays on the contrast of his strong figure and the absolute cuteness he can display whereas Leonhard plays on the unsettling presence he can have.

Those two musicians are like the least connected to Joey, but again are a little step that leads to another like Snowy Shaw. The step is that around those years I was fond of comical music groups that could play extremely well and make classical music extra fun. Maybe you can guess by now...

>> 2014 🇬🇧 - Peter Capaldi as the 12th Doctor. I watched the series back with Eccleston and Tenant and I was already fan, but Peter Capaldi changed it all. He made my feelings taking a rollercoaster. He had a very nuanced way of playing emotions and some scenes are now iconic too me. I think I cried the most during his Doctor period. And even if I cried before for the end of each Doctor, his was the most difficult to overcome. It was the first time I had such a connection with a fictional character through acting.

Where the dots connects

>> 2017 🇺🇸 ‐ Jack Black : It doesn't seem like it but yes, Jack Black is the step that connects all so far. Rock lover. Comedic music group. Crazy voice and energy... And he makes another connexion as he joins acting and singing. But he is not just the junction. He is a big change in the way I was fan before that...

I am very aware Jack Black can't be for everyone because he is over the top. But he has this part of him where he gives everything he has to light the day. And he used humour as shield and sword to make his way through dark times.

Well, maybe you begin to see why I choose this specific line of TAD for my blog's name hmmm 🙂.

I knew Jack Black already because he is part of Hollywood's landscape, but it's in 2017 that I really discovered him and became a fan. I was at a very low time in my life. I had an accident that left me paralysed from one arm for months and it took me a year and a half to regain enough mobility to make it seems I am ok. I was a musician amateur but passionate and that put that part of my life to the trash bin brutally. During my rehabilitation, I couldn't watch any musician play without feeling angry, even those I loved. I stopped listening to music after a while, because I couldn't bear the frustration. Until... I found Tenacious D and Jack Black.

That guy's manic energy pierced through my depression and he was the only one, for a long time, that could fill my always deflating batteries. He was combining the crazy voice of Snowy Shaw with the comedic music I always enjoyed but for rock instead of classical music. And very much, in a way, he saved me.

He is connected to Joey, because he was my very first safe place when I was alone and depressed. It's thanks to him that I'm listening to music again and more importantly able to enjoy it again.

A matter of personality

>> 2020 🇫🇷 - Amixem. He is not an actor or a musician, even if he can play the piano quite well. He is a youtuber who makes mostly feat and fun videos. I could speak about him for hours so I'll try to make it short!

A lot of people classify him as trash content creator, and I was in this side of the barrier once, but during the pandemic I fell in his trash bin and discovered one of the most inspiring human been.

I learned to analyse movies and pictures at school in my uni years, and used it often while watching movies and series. I never thought I would do it on trash youtube content.

If you watch what Amixem does passively, I agreed this is trash. And over all, except some special video, it is not an intellectual content by any means. BUT if you analyse a bit, you'll see that all is not what it seems. This guy is a genius in disguise. He plays with marketing, deconstruct tropes while using them as a joke and still making money out of it, plays with meta narratives in a place that shouldn't have narratives. And this is almost transparent because everything flows. He has built an audiovisual realm, the american way, and he's highly inspired by some of the biggest youtubers, yet the result is nothing alike. It's still very french vibe and he is not afraid to propose 40min to 1h+ long episodes. Like "if it has to be that long to breath, make it that long".

He has like 25-30 persons working with him for the videos and his brand nowadays, but he includes them. And almost from the very beginning. Which youtuber you can say : I know almost every cameramen by their name and recognise them, has well as the set designers, technicians or production organisers.

Well, this is the case with him. As a influencer, he is the product and the brand of is channel, but he lifts the curtain to let us appreciate those who usually are in the shadows and make them part of the show, not only in makings of. The show itself holds its backstage as a part of what makes it fun : people, even special effect, montage comedy etc.

Apart from that, he is a crazy investor passionate about space and wants to go there to see the Earth from above. Even if the odds are little for him to succeed I believe he may have a chance and I want to witness it ☺️.

The link with Joey seems again very small but... this time it's about the guy himself. Even if Amixem is big with his work and has ambitions, he stays an introvert that extroverts himself in front of the camera. He doesn't like celebrity as it pushes too much in his comfort zone and he has a tendency to hide in reaction to that. He also uses humour as a shield (and he needs a very strong one because people are polarised about him and the hate side can be very violent...).

During the pandemic and isolation, his videos helped me to control my angst levels. He helped me to find escapism and made me laugh on a daily basis. Today he is one of my safe place.

Here we are

2021 🇬🇧 - Finally, Joey Batey. The man, the legend 😏

I watched The Witcher in the middle of 2021. I felt in love with Jaskier almost immediately but I consummated the show quite brainlessly. And then when I watched the second season, in early 2022, I was blown away by Joey. The layers of narrative he holds alone within his way of interpreting things in a so short among of screen presence sent me to outter space. I was like : what the hell! What did I miss in the first season? I rewatched all from the start and I was hooked to my core. Like Capaldi's interpretation change the Doctor Who show for me, Joey's Jaskier did the same for The Witcher. And I found him incredibly magnetic. He shines through the screen everytime.

Then, I felt for his personality with the interviews I saw or read. I noticed he had a way with words that I enjoyed a lot. And then I found The Amazing Devil. And every stars aligned.

I found in his poetry everything I loved about my crazy french narrators from the old time, linked with highly metaphorical modern tales, within a way to explore deep feelings which seems easy, but on the surface only.

He literally changed my way of perceiving words! I call him the Van Gogh of words. Because he can hold beauty within torments. In this, his words touched my soul and my inner wounds in a cathartic way. And I remembered that I still need to heal. His songs are a good medicine, patching me up sometimes or deconstructing me. Never brutally. I feel safe to cry when needed.

I find the layers of narrative in his storytelling so compelling. His songs are like the sky's reflection on water but for my feelings. As the weather changes the way I perceive the water, my emotional state makes me understand every song differently, as it emphasises some layers of narratives over others.

How can I tell myself different stories with the exact same words? How can I experience those simultaneously and understand things without knowing the real meaning? He makes me day dream, and turns my brain into jelly sometimes. He is young but writes as he had lived many lives.

I can't praise him enough, as I find myself quite limited with my own words, especially in English. I need metaphors I lack to express everything.

Conclusion

I'm in this tunnel for now and I expect for a long time. I can't wait to discover more of his works as an actor and a musician. What aspect of me would I find while listening to his words?

I don't know yet which step he will be linked to in the future of my fan's journey to whatever, but he is definitely one of the highlights that shines bright.

Now, I can say that my passion for what Joey does is linked to a vinyl disk buried in the sand, old actors and musicians, metal bands and music clowns. What is your story?

See you soon 😈

Credits photo:

Well most of them are google image without references 😑, especially the oldest one. Jack Black, Amixem, Snowy Shaw are from youtube video screenshot.

Alan Rickmam : Jimmy Fallon Talk Show. Christian Descamp : France Info. Patrice Guers : Bassiste Pro. Marco Hietala : .Peter Capaldi : Wales Online. Robert Rother : Prague Proms Festival . Leonhard Paul : Schagerl endorsing page. Joey Batey : TAD website (edited by @erualthewild - thx for putting that amazing photo of him, that I was ignoring the existence for no reason, in my thread 😊)

[irawhiti]

Kia ora, another ngati kangaru here, was curious to know if you're learning te reo, and if you are, where/how are you learning it?

kia ora e hoa!

so i've been on and off teaching myself te reo for a couple years now, i haven't been learning it from any official sources so i figured i'd go into how i've been learning te reo in my own time. it got a bit long so i'm gonna put it under a cut lol but my general learning process has been more or less:

starting off by just learning the māori alphabet and how it all sounds. te reo is great because everything has the same sound no matter how it's used so once you learn how letters sound and how to sound out tohutō (the macron above vowels) you're pretty much set

reciting karakia and translating them using a mix of google translate (NOT reliable. sometimes useful for translating full sentences. sometimes. good as a very rough basic thing y'know but definitely don't use it as a guide LOL i use it extremely rarely and it's uuuusually wrong in how it translates certain words) and te aka (a māori dictionary, much more reliable but doesn't translate full sentences so until you learn actual grammar it takes awhile to translate everything. really good for figuring out how certain things sound) has helped as well. honestly i have te aka open most of the time at this point just so i can double check words lol

since i do kowhaiwhai, learning basic kowhaiwhai/whakairo designs like koru, mangopare, etc etc and reading into what those words translate into and their symbolism + the names of the tools used to create these things. also the names of colours

learning about native species both extinct and alive today in aotearoa and the various names different iwi use for them. i specifically looked into rongoa and kaimoana/kaiwhenua since i forage weeds etc. so learning the names of the things i'm eating has been useful and has helped me learn about the plants and animals that are in both aotearoa and te ao moemoeā :) ngā rauropi whakaoranga (a māori plant database) has been wonderful for this

translating placenames in aotearoa. like i literally taught myself the longest placename in the world partially for fun but it also went towards giving me a basic grasp on grammar like learning karakia did, also learning the names of different areas helped me understand pūrākau (mythology) since most of it obviously revolves around aotearoa

instruments! learning about instruments, how they were used traditionally (and today), and what they represent both helped me get more of a grasp on te reo as well as te ao māori in general

honestly i've only just started properly focusing on grammar now that i've figured out the basics and seen how basic sentence structure works over and over. i tried to process it a couple times while first starting out but i genuinely wasn't able to pick anything up due to my aroreretini (adhd) until i had a pretty solid grasp on what i currently know

there's a few sites i can recommend such as whakaata māori and apps such as kōrerorero but tbh they haven't worked well for me because of how my aroreretini works. i guess my advice is you will mess up occasionally and that's fine! it's to be expected when you're learning any language. there's also no one "correct" way to learn a language, i would know lol, so just learn at your own pace and figure out what works best for you

learning south vs north island dialect has been useful too btw. it's a bit harder to find south island words since it's considered extinct (lol :|) but whatever you can find and learn will help imo

so yeah, i definitely haven't been learning the "academic" way or whatever but i hope this helps or at least gets you some pointers on where to go with te reo lol. arohanui!

[blackestnight]

now that i’m a more awake and coherent version of myself, some work notes for “sleep mode:”

originally i was planning to write this from hanami’s pov, which still would have made for an interesting story, but by the time i started it it was midnight and i went, “wait, what if i write this from omega’s perspective instead,” and then i was like “but how can i write something from such a distinctly non-human perspective,” and then i just kinda shrugged and did my best.

the indented blocks of text (which were actually indented in the gdoc, but tumblr said no) are meant to be a nod to javascript functions, which (as i understand them, being a person who does not know computer programming or syntax and had to rely on some 12:30 am googling) are blocks of code designed to perform specific tasks when activated either by a user command or by a programmed trigger within the code itself. i kind of wanted a way to mimic the very human experience of thinking about something (or someone, in omega’s case) and having the thought of “oh! i should ask about this.” so its mentioning designation WARRIOR OF LIGHT in its record triggered the question, “is that what i should call her?”

i think i had a reason for not having every single one of omega’s actions formatted like a function, but i’ve slept since then so i don’t remember. it’s entirely possible the reason is “the formatting got annoying and i was tired.”

also i’m justifying the fact that functions definitely do not work like that with the reasoning that the omicrons aren’t actually computers as we understand them, they’re clearly autonomous and don’t rely solely on pre-programming, please just be nice to me i studied english literature and not software engineering.

a deliberate formatting note, though: omega’s dialogue “functions” use double quotation marks because, and i feel more confident in saying this is correct but please gently @ me if it isn’t, in code quotation marks are used to indicate that everything in between them is meant to be like, that actual text and not a variable or a command. so its functions are commanding its vocalization module to say “whatever is in between these two marks.” hanami’s (and alpha’s) dialogue are in double chevrons instead because, rather than being a command of exact wording, they’re the audio feedback processed through omega’s sensors and then translated into whatever syntax its systems use, sort of in the same way that when you talk to someone on the phone you aren’t actually hearing their voice, you’re hearing the phone’s interpretation and reconstruction of their voice.

one last thing about functions: one of the most basic programs, used both to teach beginners the fundamentals of coding and to work as a ‘sanity check’ to make sure software is running and processing code correctly, is known as the “Hello, World!” program. Hello, World! is also a (very difficult, very annoying) mechanic from the second half of o12s, wherein you fight omega’s ultimate form, as well as the name of the final quest in the alphatron portion of ultima thule’s msq. 

incidentally, there’s an infamous cheese strat for fighting omega unsynced called Goodbye, World! in which players avoid actually having to do the mechanic by having half the party jump off the platform and die. the second quest of the beyond the rift side story is also called Goodbye, World (but no robots, warriors of light, or cute approximations of chocobos are harmed in the making of this quest).

finally, basically all the numbers in this are complete bullshit, except for the estimate of joules saved by cuddling hanami and alpha for warmth. joules are a unit of energy, although heat is (i think) usually measured in calories instead? i blacked out my experience in high school physics for a reason. but i found a formula for converting thermal calories to joules, took a stab at how many calories would be required to heat omega to maintain minimal function, and did some math, but by then it was going on 1:45 in the morning so i couldn’t tell you what any of that math was or where i got my variables from. thus it’s only partial bullshit.

oh actually final thing is that omega refers to itself as “i,” but doesn’t use gendered pronouns, and refers to other omicrons as “it” or by their unit designations. we also see it (and the omicrons we meet in ultima thule) referring to themselves and their peers as “this unit” or “that unit,” so i used a mix to reflect omega’s habits vs how living among mortals who employ pronouns as a regular part of speech is altering its speech patterns.

(speaking of unit designations, anyone remember what the designation for the standard omicron body Sir ‘borrowed’ in ultima thule was? you know, the one that had been abandoned by its former owner? you should go back and look.)

[a-silent-symphony]

NIGHTWISH's FLOOR JANSEN Unveils Cover Artwork Of 'Fire' Solo Single

NIGHTWISH's Floor Jansen has unveiled the cover artwork of her new solo single, "Fire". Check it out below. The track will be released on March 25.

Less than two months ago, the 41-year-old Dutch-born singer, who made her live debut with NIGHTWISH nearly a decade ago, stated about the musical direction of "Fire": "It's a pop song, so it's not metal, it's not rock, but it's definitely me." Jansen went on to explain that the track will not necessarily be representative of all the new solo music she has been working on in recent months. "I guess it's more of a mash-up [of styles] actually," she said, referring to her upcoming collection of solo material, "though it's not so extreme as in genres, like all of a sudden it becomes… Here's a metal song and here's a rock song and this is more poppy… I mean, pop music — the word of it — [it's short for] popular music, and it kind of describes a lot, and within that it falls. I can only say that it's not metal and it's not rock, but it will have its influences and it will have a part of the sound. It can't even be so that the first song is how everything else will sound like because, yeah, if you know NIGHTWISH and also for us, it's always so hard to pick just one song that's gonna be like the kick-off of an album but it can never really represent everything. And I guess it's the same for this first song that comes on the 25th of March."

Last summer, Floor said during an appearance on the "Breaking Absolutes With Peter Orullian" podcast that she had been working on a solo album since shortly before the beginning of the pandemic. "And it really kickstarted my own creativity that I haven't really been able to use over the years," she said. "It's nice that it gets out. And I would like to do more of that and actually finish that album and make those steps and find a way to combine a solo career with NIGHTWISH and my life at home, which I even more value after spending so much time here in this green heaven [in Sweden] where I live."

Jansen discussed the prospect of making a solo album during a 2020 interview with Metal Hammer magazine. At the time, she said: "After 20 years of rock and metal, I think I would like to do something else. I don't mean stop with NIGHTWISH, but something alongside it.

"I was recently involved in a TV show in my home country in the Netherlands [reality TV show 'Beste Zangers', which translates to 'Best Singers']. That really inspired me to start writing, and the stuff that has come out is very calm.

"I would love to make an album where less actually is more. Something different — not because I'm bored, but because if you are already in one of the biggest bands in your own genre, and you have someone like Tuomas Holopainen as a songwriter, I don't really see that I'd be adding anything by making another metal album myself."

Earlier in 2020, Jansen spoke about a possible musical direction for her solo album during an Instagram Live chat. She said: "I cannot imagine it would be rock or metal — just because rock now I've done, and metal I've done a lot. And I'm already in one of the best bands, I think, that are out there, in my opinion, to my taste. Plus, if you're in a band with a songwriter such as Tuomas Holopainen, it's a little bit hard to come up with something — anything — better, I would say, and I only say that out of love and respect for him. Plus, after 20 years of metal, wouldn't it be lovely to do something completely different for me? That's how I feel."

Jansen performed live with NIGHTWISH for the first time on October 1, 2012 at Showbox Sodo in Seattle, Washington following the abrupt departure of the band's lead singer of five years, Anette Olzon.

Jansen officially joined NIGHTWISH in 2013 and made her recording debut with the group on 2015's "Endless Forms Most Beautiful" album.

NIGHTWISH's ninth studio album, "Human. :II: Nature." , was released in April 2020 via Nuclear Blast. The effort is a double album containing nine tracks on the main CD and one long track, divided into eight chapters on CD 2.

[lluvguts]

Cool Blue ; Chapter Three

⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚

recurring visions of such sweet days

⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚

☽ warnings: slight nsfw (wet dreams, unresolved tension)

☽ fic masterlist

⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚

He stashed the photos--really he flung them like a frisbee--onto his unmade bed and slammed the door shut before Giulia could inquire about his back pressed to the door, hands on the knob, a cross of a nervous grin and a suspicious glaze over his wavering eyes. But, after careful consideration and with both his sister and father's backs turned, Alberto wiggled back into his room to retrieve the precious pictures and put them carefully on the nightstand. He felt dirty knowing he'd tossed them onto his rumpled sheets, sitting there like he didn't care about them.

But he did.

He didn't expect to register all that had truly happened until tomorrow. His eyes dropped to the glass of tepid water from that morning and the pile of photos next to it, the memories coming back.

Luca's expectant yellow eyes watching him as he traced his shapes and scales with a paintbrush on the canvas.

When Luca grinned like a little puppy and pointed at the painting Alberto had propped on his knees, of none other than the boy himself.

Luca's chin jutting out in defiance when Alberto offered to take Luca's picture home, since keeping it at his home would only result in ruining it.

And, equally defying, the sharp curve of Luca's jawbone as he stuck his tongue out at the sky, leaving Alberto still. He could see his soft features working under there. The faint pulse of his throat, a thrumming instrument but all the same slightly animal. When he had rolled his eyes and begrudgingly scooted his own painting over with a claw, splattering water on the edge, Alberto's eyes fixed on his scales ripple and shift on display when Luca moved.

Somewhere on the surface of the ocean, (the ocean skin as Luca called it fondly, but Alberto couldn't possibly think of that now) a boat's amber light hung in the darkness, the only thing to see from outside and, Alberto bit his lip, holding one meaning.

They were hunting for sea monsters on that boat. Ercole's parents, no doubt.

He walked by the bed to the window, almost in a trance, and slammed it shut. The smells of the sea were cut off, night sounds silenced. He wished he wasn't able to see it anymore, but Massimo's aged house hardly had the proper plumbing to operate let alone some goddamn curtains. It frustrated him that though the mental image of Ercole's father on the boat had lifted, that glowing yellow light remained to taunt him.

Luca said he had a family. A mother and father who cared for him and maybe loved him enough to keep him safe from the surface. But where was he now? These men, more monsters than people, with spears and blades sharper than Massimo's, scanning the calm sea with searchlights? Would the lights scare Luca?

He caught himself on the ledge of the windowsill, holding the wood frame tight. He felt it sigh under his weight it was so old.

What was happening?

"Fratello! Papa is not happy that you're letting his dinner get cold! Again!" Giulia, as Alberto could tell by her voice, was pressed to his closed door and resorted to gleeful knocking again and again.

Alberto slid the lock into place on the window, staring out into the night for a breath. Once, twice, then cleared his throat and called back.

"I'll be just a minute!" He tried to wipe the thought of Luca thrashing in the grip of a fisherman's net from his mind as he spoke, but his words came out wobbly and restrained.

Giulia's annoying pounding on the door stopped. "Okay, but I'm not doing your stupid chores for you anymore! Papa says so!" He saw her shadow hover by the bottom doorframe then whisk away to the light of the kitchen.

But through all of the sweaty panic Alberto cherished the quiet moments spent eating. Neither asked where he'd hurried off to so early in the morning while he wolfed down his dinner. (Truly Alberto wasn't sure of the answer himself, he only figured that if Luca was indeed a sea monster, maybe he was up with the rising of the sun like the fish Massimo and Alberto caught at dawn). But they, mostly Giulia, did however beg to know where that pasta was going if all Alberto did during his free time was sit and draw. They didn't know it took grueling work to paddle out to the island, and equally challenging talent to wrestle your way out of a sea monster's grip. He kept that to himself, of course, even if Machiavelli was snippier than usual at Alberto's presence when he thought about it, bringing a suspicion on what he did during the day that neither Giulia or Massimo seemed to care about.

Alberto nudged the pouchy white cat with his bare foot and Machi bit down on his heel. He pulled his legs back under the chair as far as they could go and as an apology for the fishy smell on him, and for trying to make him move, he dropped a few pieces of sausage down on the floor. He was sure that if no one else in the house was to know, Machiavelli was on Alberto's case, but the cat only growled and ate the peace offering.

He sighed. He was safe for the time being. That made him laugh around his bite of salad.

"Think of something funny, son?" Massimo looked up from his plate. Giulia had finished long ago and was only spinning her fork around in circles on the tablecloth.

Alberto nodded with a smile. "The cat."

"Speaking of cats! There's one that I keep seeing in the alley by the Gelataria, Papa, and I think that Machiavelli likes her!" Giulia perked up and was speaking with passion to Massimo now, Alberto's little quip forgotten.

"The black cat? Giulia, they're bad luck," Massimo put on his best apologetic face but it only spurred Giulia on. Alberto stared at his empty plate and debated whether now was the opportune time to slip away to his room with them distracted.

"But please, Papa! We could have kittens!" Giulia pleaded, hands splayed on the table for effect. From under Alberto's chair Machi was stewing. He stood from the table and took their plates, looking calm. Massimo was holding Giulia's small hand softly in his larger one, but it looked as though the girl was next to tears.

Alberto knew she was faking it, though. He listened smugly with his back to them while rinsing the plates and cutlery.

"Kittens are a lot of work."

"Alberto is a lot of work, but we still keep him around!"

"Giuletta. Manners."

"Sorry, Papa."

"Where would they sleep, Giulia? In your bed with you? You are allergic, my dear."

"Only mildly! And besides, if I start sneezing or something, they can stay in Alberto's room! Plain and simple."

"Excuse me?" Alberto whipped around. "Who said that I was okay with having roommates?"

Giulia giggled until her nose went pink. "You've been sharing that Pescaria smell with the two of us since yesterday, and last I checked, we didn't ask. So think of it as an upgrade."

"Like you smell any better!"

"Actually, Alberto." Massimo turned to him. "It...is an odd smell on you. It's not entirely fish."

"Yeah fratello. It's worse."

"Okay, that's it. I'm excusing myself now. Giulia you get to pick the record to play tonight."

"Go take a shower!" Giulia hollered at him, earning a grumble of disapproval on Massimo's part.

"Y-Yeah, sure thing!"

But the whole time his mind was reeling. Massimo had caught it. Giulia had caught it. Even the cat noticed it, too. Alberto pulled his tank up and over his head once the door was shut, bringing it to his nose. It smelled like sweat and salt, the usual things, but he was right. There was something else. It was mild with his nose so close, but still sharp and tangy, as if the sea-sprinkled wind had a personality that stuck to his clothes.

But that wasn't it. It was...oh no.

It was Luca.

Despite his efforts, it took him a solid ten minutes of scrubbing in the shower to get rid of Luca's smell. It wasn't that he hated it, he was used to smelling like fish from hours spent on Massimo's boat--but Machi had kept Alberto up almost all night yesterday, growling and scratching at Alberto's door because of the smell on him.

From in the kitchen, Giulia had chosen one of Massimo's more upbeat records to listen to while they finished cleaning up. He could hear her off-key singing, and Massimo's baritone jumping in with her, which made him smile.

The polaroids were still there, sticking out from underneath a sliver of the water glass. But of course they were, why wouldn't they be? Door locked, window overlooking the sea mostly covered, Alberto let his bath towel fall to his ankles. A line of shower water tickled his chin, or maybe it was sweat, he wasn't sure. He needed to get dressed. But he picked up the first of five photos.

A blurry little square of the pool that morning, just to test the camera, but around the edges sprigs of grass sprouted up through cracks in the island rock, making the picture much more beautiful than he thought.

The next three were of Luca. All taken as close to the top of the water as Alberto could get, too afraid to stick a hand under and gesture Luca to the surface, and also because it wasn't his camera. Body curled under the water, examining things along the walls of the pool too far to see, tail moving slow and practiced. His dorsal fins were the only things that translated best over film, a brilliant cool blue that Alberto had checked (and double-checked) he had the right color paint for.

He let out a tiny sigh at the final photo. Luca facing him from below, his expression a scowl, looking so human it was hard to believe that he wasn't.

But, as Alberto's fingers pinched the corners of the photos, of Luca, holding his breath as he knew it was definitely sweat he was now feeling on his neck, wasn't he human?

His chest ached, drumming a painful harmony from his frantic heart all the way down his abdomen, and if he moved the photos from his line of vision and looked down--

Oh no.

He relentlessly put everything he had into hurrying to throw on some clothes and turn off the lights. crawling into bed, so transfixed on the polaroids and—was it possible? Really? Had he just…?

No. He refused to encourage that line of thinking.

Luca was a sea monster, and probably asleep someplace far below the surface with his family, dreaming of seaweed or whatever else things that were not human thought about.

But, as Alberto lay there rigid and aching, staring at the ceiling waiting for that to go away, part of him wished he could be there with him. To make sure he was okay.

Pfft, sure. Make sure he's alright. That's all.

/ / /

Luca was not dreaming of seaweed.

But he was convinced he had died in his sleep, over a dream of soft touches. Phantom hands running down his scales, someone's calloused fingertips grazing the hollow of his throat so tenderly it made Luca squirm. Luca grabbed his imaginary person's forearm, begging to be touched. One hand remained tracing patterns on his chest while Luca felt another take hold of the side of his face, rubbing circles into his gills until he was sure he was going to pass out from the stimulation. He was so...sensitive there. Around his cheeks and his gills and especially his tail. But all he could do was tilt his face back in guilty bliss and allow whatever was happening to him to continue.

He'd never in all of his years had a dream quite like this.

"P-Please..." Luca whispered. Please stop, or please keep going? Even he didn't know.

He swore he heard a chuckle echo, a familiar chuckle, a confident one, but some sort of reaction all the same.

Luca blinked in his dream, almost crying out because the touch was gone, but then he realized it had only moved. The imaginary touches returned, this time a cool fingertip along his dorsal fin to his tail, while Luca shivered around it, biting his cheek. His legs twitched, and his tail curled around the forearm of this imaginary hand, feeling safe and comfortable enough to do so even if it was touching him in ways his mother had warned him about. The air around him (around them? no one was there) felt absurdly warm, but he realized it was only coming from his scales. The smell that hung in the air was overpowering, thick and heady in sweetness with just a trace of salt that Luca could almost taste in the air. A familiar smell...

He couldn't take much more of it. He had to wake up before...something happened. Something bad.

The cold water of his bedroom startled him into consciousness, the subdued blues and greys in much starker contrast to the tropical greens he'd dreamt of. That white-hot feeling came back, this time stronger and with a ripple of pain that burned in the pit of his stomach. When he opened his eyes the water around his bed felt warmer, like it had in the dream, and when Luca stretched out a hand his fingers were cool though his forearm was not, as if he was the one causing all of this heat.

Huh. Weird.

The last memories of the dream were still a thick haze on his thoughts, racing around and replaying the scenes over and over again until Luca buried his face into the sewn kelp of his bed to keep from whimpering.

He let his hand press to his belly, where it hurt the most, then slip down the waistband of his pants to rest between his legs. His fingers came back covered in something slick.

"Alberto..." Luca whined, rolling onto his stomach to alleviate some of the discomfort.

His eyes flung open. Alberto?

Oh.

Oh no.

[theycallmebecca]

Drabble: The Ass-sistant

When I claimed this anon prompt for @the-ce-horniest-book-club​ I had other story ideas in mind... but after my little adventure yesterday afternoon, I was inspired in a totally different direction. So part of this is what actually happened to me... and the other part is just made up. I’ll let you figure out which part 😉

[Edit] Silly me forgot to tell you what my prompt was! It was an anon prompt for “Is this a bad time to mention that I prefer to sleep naked?”

Title: The Ass-sistant

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

When you cancelled your date with Chris, you hadn’t expected him to show up. The two of you had only been dating for a couple weeks.

But there he was, standing on the other side of your front door with a grocery bag in both hands and a backpack thrown over one shoulder.

“Damn,” he muttered as he took in your appearance from the brace on your ankle up to the bandages covering your palms. “You really messed yourself up good, didn’t you?”

“I’ll be ok,” you assured him. You hurt like hell, but you’d hurt your ankle before and had recovered fine. Granted, you’d never rolled your ankle and landed on asphalt. This time you had, and you had the road rash and cuts on your hands and knees to prove it.

It was that accident, which had occurred when you’d been walking down the long driveway of your apartment complex to get your mail, that had caused you to cancel your date with Chris. You’d been honest with him on your reason and, clearly, he’d come to help.

“Have you eaten yet?” He asked after you led him into your apartment

“Not yet, I was going to order in,” you replied.

“No need, I brought dinner,” he told you. “Sit down and get your ankle up. I’ll bring dinner to you.”

You watched from the couch as he made himself familiar with your kitchen.

It wasn’t until a familiar scent reached your nose that you realized he’d gone to your favorite restaurant and picked up your favorite meal. That had been the original plan for the evening, but he hadn’t asked you what you wanted. Obviously, he had remembered the fact from an earlier conversation.

“Tray table?” He asked.

“In the closet by the front door,” you replied.

From where you sat, you saw him walk down the hall and open the closet. It wasn’t exactly a Monica Geller secret closet of shame situation, but it wasn’t super organized either. You held your breath as you watched him dig around, but it only took him a couple seconds to unearth the two hand-me-down tray tables. Then he closed the door to the closet without a word.

Five minutes later, you sat with your ankle resting on a pillow with your favorite dinner on a tray table while Chris sat in a matching armchair eating his own dinner. 

“Thank you for this,” you said to him. “I didn’t want to cancel, but I couldn’t see any way around it since I can barely walk.”

“I hated the idea of you here by yourself,” he admitted. “And I’ve been there. Getting hurt is the worst.”

You both chuckled at that.

“I, uh, brought stuff over to stay the night,” he said, meeting your eye. “Not to do that but in case you didn’t want to be home alone tonight.”

You didn’t answer right away, partly because you had just taken a bite of your dinner but also because you needed a moment to think. You had been toying with the idea of inviting Chris in after dinner for that reason, but that plan had gone south with your injuries.

You had spent the last couple hours hobbling around your apartment and it would be nice to have some help. It also meant you got to spend time with Chris and that made you happy.

“I’d love for you to stay,” you told him and then took it a step farther. “You can stay with me in my room or on the couch, wherever you’re the most comfortable.”

“I’ll do whatever helps you sleep better,” he said seriously, but you could see something in his eye that revealed his true feelings. He wanted to sleep in your bed with you. “That’s the most important part.”

“We’ll decide later then,” you replied with a smile.

Once you finished eating, Chris got an ice pack out of the freezer for you to ice your ankle while he did the dishes. He went above and beyond your expectations when he not only took care of the dishes the two of you had used for dinner, but took care of the dishes in the sink, too. And wiped down your kitchen counters.

“Are you really here or am I just having a really good dream?” You asked him as he came to collect the ice pack.

Instead of answering, he leaned over the back of the couch and kissed you on the mouth. Leaning into the kiss, you brought a hand up to rest on his jaw and forgot about everything. Until your ankle moved.

“Fuccccccck,” you cried out, pulling away from him.

“Fuck, damn it,” Chris echoed. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s my fault,” you said through gritted teeth. Looking up, you met his eyes and gave him a small smile. “I liked the kiss.”

A worried smile crossed Chris’s face and he sighed before he carried the ice pack back to the kitchen. Then he shut off the light in there and made his way back to the armchair.

“No,” you said before he sat down. “Sit with me, there’s enough room.” Then, because you could see the hesitation in his eyes, added, “you won’t hurt me, I promise.”

He studied you for a second before he sat down next to you on the couch. Given that you were sitting sideways on the couch with your ankle resting on a pillow, it was a bit tight, but the two of you made it work. He even pulled you back a little, so you were resting against him.

It took you two a good ten minutes to pick a movie to watch, before he suggested that the two of you just watch your favorite movie.

By the time the movie ended, it was time for another ice session and pain reliever. Not to mention a potty break.

You could feel Chris’s eyes on your back as you limped down the hall to the bathroom. You knew he wanted to offer his assistance, but there were some things a girl had to do by herself.

When you came out of the bathroom, he had the ice pack ready for you as well as a small snack and pain reliever. While you rested, he double checked the doors and windows, making things were locked up for the night.

You could feel the stress radiating from him twenty minutes later when he followed you to your bedroom. Your anxiety over everything was high enough, you didn’t need his added to it.

“Do you need help changing?” He asked.

Finding your opening to lightening the mood, you tipped your head to the side and said, “Is this a bad time to mention that I prefer to sleep naked?”

He blinked in a stunned silence for a second before you started to laugh, and he followed your lead.

“In all seriousness,” you said, looking at him. “I’m happy you’re here with me tonight and that I’m not by myself. And you’ve been an absolute gem, I just need you to relax because you’re going to get me worked up again and then I’ll cry and -” You stopped talking as the anxiety from earlier started to build in your chest.

Then Chris was there. He wrapped his arms around you and held onto you as he whispered quietly, reminding you to breath. With his helped, you managed to pull yourself together.

“Thank you,” you whispered to him.

“Anytime,” he replied seriously. “I’ll go change in the bathroom and let you do whatever in here. Call if you need me.”

A short time later, you lay in bed next to Chris, trying to get comfortable, but not finding a comfortable position. It wasn’t your ankle cause the issue, however, but the muscles in your butt. After taking the brunt of your fall earlier in the day, those muscles had been ignored thanks to other immediate and demanding issues. And now they were making themselves known.

“Are you ok?” Chris asked. “Do you need me to go to the couch?”

“No, stay,” you said through gritted teeth. He had positioned himself as far to one side of the bed as he could without falling off, just to make sure you had enough room.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. There was a hint of worry, but he had taken your words about anxiety to heart.

“It’s embarrassing,” you sighed as you closed your eyes unable to look at him. “The muscles in my butt are screaming at me.”

When he didn’t respond, you opened your eyes and regretted it immediately when you saw the amused smirk on Chris’s face.

“It’s not funny!” You exclaimed. “It hurts.”

“I’m sure it’s a... pain in the ass,” Chris snickered.

Groaning, you rolled into your stomach in hopes that position would work better. It didn’t.

“Would you like me to help?” He asked attempting serious while amusement was still laced in his tone.

“Like what, rub my ass?” You asked, turning your head to look at him.

“It might work,” he replied. “I assume you need something deep and therapeutic rather than just a groping.”

“Definitely deep and therapeutic,” you agreed but then offered. “You can save the groping for another time.”

“If you want me massaging your ass to stay just that, you’ll need to keep those other comments to yourself,” Chris stated as he pushed the blankets off both of you.

“Those sounds too,�� he added when his first, deep press into your butt made you moan.

“I’ll try,” you replied as he continued to work.

After twenty minutes of getting familiar with your butt over your pajama shorts, Chris removed his hands and asked, “How are you feeling now?”

“Much better,” you replied, sleepily. “When my hands get better, I’ll give you a massage, too.”

“It’s a date,” he said with a laugh. “Get some sleep.”

“You need to sleep, too,” you told him, looking at him. “I’m ok, Chris, just sore. I promise.”

He held your eye for a second, but eventually nodded. “I’ll sleep,” he promised.

And he did. When you woke up the next morning, still sore psychically, he was fast asleep next to you, which made your heart fill with happiness.

[kookie-doughs]

Y/N L/N AND THE HALFBLOODS

Percy Jackson X Reader -Y/N L/N met Percy Jackson and everything was now ruined.

CHAPTER 11: Prepare For Trouble And Make It Double

In a way, it's nice to know there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some divine force really is trying to mess up your day. Which was actually what's happening. So there we were, Annabeth, Percy, Grover and I, walking through the woods along the New Jersey riverbank, the glow of New York City making the night sky yellow behind us, and the smell of the Hudson reeking in our noses. Percy and I walked side by side with our hand still connected. Grover was shivering and braying, his big goat eyes turned slit-pupiled and full of terror. "Three Kindly Ones. All three at once. I was pretty much in shock myself. The explosion of bus windows still rang in my ears. But Annabeth kept pulling us along, saying: "Come on! The farther away we get, the better. "All our money was back there," Percy reminded her. "Our food and clothes. Everything." "Well, maybe if you hadn't decided to jump into the fight—" "What did you want me to do? Let you guys get killed? I was not going to leave Y/N." "You didn't need to protect me, Percy. I would've been fine." "Sliced like sandwich bread," Grover put in, "but fine." "Shut up, goat boy," I said. Grover brayed mournfully. "Tin cans... a perfectly good bag of tin cans." We sloshed across mushy ground, through nasty twisted trees that smelled like sour laundry. After a few minutes, Annabeth fell into line next to Percy. "Look, I..." Her voice faltered. "I appreciate your coming back for us, okay? That was really brave." "We're a team, right?" She was silent for a few more steps. "It's just that if you died... aside from the fact that it would really suck for you, it would mean the quest was over. This may be my only chance to see the real world." The thunderstorm had finally let up. The city glow faded behind us, leaving us in almost total darkness. Do you want to see?

Yeah that would be nice.

It was as if it was morning, I could see everything clearly. I wandered my head to make sure I could see everything. This is cool. "You okay?" Percy asked. "Yeah," Not really a fan of the current silence I turned to Annabeth. "You haven't left Camp Half-Blood since you were seven?" I asked her. "No... only short field trips. My dad—" "The history professor." "Yeah. It didn't work out for me living at home. I mean, Camp Half-Blood is my home." She was rushing her words out now, as if she were afraid somebody might try to stop her. "At camp you train and train. And that's all cool and everything, but the real world is where the monsters are. That's where you learn whether you're any good or not." If I didn't know better, I could've sworn I heard doubt in her voice. "You're pretty good with that knife," I said. "You think so?" "Yeah maybe you can teach me some tricks. "Anybody who can piggyback-ride a Fury is okay by me." Percy smiled. I couldn't really see, but I thought she might've smiled. "You know," she said, "maybe I should tell you... Something funny back on the but..." Whatever she wanted to say was interrupted by a shrill toot-toot-toot, like the sound of an owl being tortured. "Hey, my reed pipes still work!" Grover cried. "If I could just remember a 'find path' song, we could get out of these woods!" He puffed out a few notes, but the tune still sounded suspiciously like Hilary Duff. Seeing a tree coming up I tried to pull Percy to avoid it but Percy immediately slammed into a tree and got a nice-size knot on his head. I suppressed my laugh by covering my mouth which made Percy glare at me. After tripping and cursing and generally feeling miserable for another mile or so, I started to see light up ahead: the colors of a neon sign. I could smell food. Fried, greasy, excellent food. I realized I hadn't eaten anything unhealthy since I'd arrived at Half-Blood Hill, where we lived on grapes, bread, cheese, and extra-lean-cut nymph-prepared barbecue. This kid needed a double cheeseburger. >We kept walking until I saw a deserted two-lane road through the trees. On the other side was a closed-down gas station, a tattered billboard for a 1990s movie, and one open business, which was the source of the neon light and the good smell. It wasn't a fast-food restaurant like I'd hoped. It was one of those weird roadside curio shops that sell lawn flamingos and wooden Indians and cement grizzly bears and stuff like that. The main building was a long, low warehouse, surrounded by acres of statuary. The neon sign above the gate was impossible for me to read, because if there's anything worse for my dyslexia than regular English, it's red cursive neon English. To me, it looked like: ATNYU MES GDERAN GOMEN MEPROUIM. "What the heck does that say?" I asked. "I don't know," Annabeth said. She loved reading so much, I'd forgotten she was dyslexic, too. Grover translated: "Aunty Em's Garden Gnome Emporium." Flanking the entrance, as advertised, were two cement garden gnomes, ugly bearded little runts, smiling and waving, as if they were about to get their picture taken. I crossed the street, following the smell of the hamburgers. "Hey..." Grover warned. "The lights are on inside," Annabeth said. "Maybe it's open." "Snack bar," I said wistfully. "Snack bar," Percy agreed. "Snack bar," Annabeth joined. "Are you three crazy?" Grover said. "This place is weird." We ignored him. The front lot was a forest of statues: cement animals, cement children, even a cement satyr playing the pipes, which gave Grover the creeps. "Bla-ha-ha!" he bleated. "Looks like my Uncle Ferdinand!" We stopped at the warehouse door. "Don't knock," Grover pleaded. "I smell monsters." I turned to look at my knife. It had a light glow emitting from it. Probably because it was sheathed. "I think there's monsters." I was now reluctant and sided with Grover. "Grover's nose is clogged up from the Furies," Annabeth told him. "All I smell is burgers. Aren't you hungry?" "Meat!" he said scornfully. "I'm a vegetarian." "You eat cheese enchiladas and aluminum cans," Percy reminded him.. "Those are vegetables. Come on. Let's leave. These statues are... looking at me."

"Percy, I don't think---"

"It'll be fine." Percy took my hand and went in. Be careful and don't look. Then the door creaked open, and standing in front of us was a tall Middle Eastern woman—at least, I assumed she was Middle Eastern, because she wore a long black gown that covered everything but her hands, and her head was completely veiled. Her eyes glinted behind a curtain of black gauze, but that was about all I could make out. Her coffee-colored hands looked old, but well-manicured and elegant, so I imagined she was a grandmother who had once been a beautiful lady. >Her accent sounded vaguely Middle Eastern, too. She said, "Children, it is too late to be out all alone. Where are your parents?" "They're... um..." Annabeth started to say. "We're orphans," I said. "Orphans?" the woman said. The word sounded alien in her mouth. "But, my dears! Surely not!" "We got separated from our caravan," Percy said. "Our circus caravan. The ringmaster told us to meet him at the gas station if we got lost, but he may have forgotten, or maybe he meant a different gas station. Anyway, we're lost. Is that food I smell?" "Oh, my dears," the woman said. "You must come in, poor children. I am Aunty Em. Go straight through to the back of the warehouse, please. There is a dining area. We thanked her and went inside. Annabeth muttered to Percy, "Circus caravan?" "Always have a strategy, right?" "Your head is full of kelp." The warehouse was filled with more statues—people in all different poses, wearing all different outfits and with different expressions on their faces. I was thinking you'd have to have a pretty huge garden to fit even one of these statues, because they were all life-size. I was anxious so I tighten my grip on Percy.  It's stupid for walking into a strange lady's shop like that just because we were hungry. For a child of Athena, Annabeth sure isn't making wise decisions. I mean yeah I agree, you've never smelled Aunty Em's burgers. The aroma was like laughing gas in the dentist's chair—it made everything else go away.  But Grover's nervous whimpers, and the way the statues' eyes seemed to follow me, to add the fact that Aunty Em had locked the door behind us. Made me more cautious. Sure enough, there it was at the back of the warehouse, a fast-food counter with a grill, a soda fountain, a pretzel heater, and a nacho cheese dispenser. Everything you could want, plus a few steel picnic tables out front. "Please, sit down," Aunty Em said "Awesome," Percy said. "Um," Grover said reluctantly, "we don't have any money, ma'am." Aunty Em said, "No, no, children. No money. This is a special case, yes? It is my treat, for such nice orphans." "Thank you, ma'am," Annabeth said. Aunty Em stiffened, as if Annabeth had done something wrong, but then the old woman relaxed just as quickly, I had to turn to Annabeth to check if there was something wrong with her.. Quite all right, Annabeth," she said. "You have such beautiful gray eyes, child."  I wonder how she knew Annabeth's name, even though we had never introduced ourselves. "Percy, I want to leave..." I whispered. "Just a few bites Y/N. Don't worry." He gave me a reassuring pat. Our hostess disappeared behind the snack counter and started cooking. Before we knew it, she'd brought us plastic trays heaped with double cheeseburgers, vanilla shakes, and XXL servings of French fries. I wasn't gulfing down my food like Percy was.  Grover picked at the fries, and eyed the tray's waxed paper liner as if he might go for that, but he still looked too nervous to eat. Annabeth slurped her shake. "What's that hissing noise?" he asked. I listened, but didn't hear anything. Annabeth shook her head. "Hissing?" Aunty Em asked. "Perhaps you hear the deep-fryer oil. You have keen ears, Grover." "I take vitamins. For my ears." "That's admirable," she said. "But please, relax." I don't like it here. I'm scared. Be wary of all things. Aunty Em ate nothing. She hadn't taken off her headdress, even to cook, and now she sat forward and interlaced her fingers and watched us eat. It was a little unsettling, having someone stare at me when I couldn't see her face, and I figured the least I could do was try to make small talk with our hostess. "So, you sell gnomes," I said, trying to sound interested. "Oh, yes," Aunty Em said. "And animals. And people. Anything for the garden. Custom orders. Statuary is very popular, you know." "A lot of business on this road?" "Not so much, no. Since the highway was built... most cars, they do not go this way now. I must cherish every customer I get. My neck tingled, as if somebody else was looking at me. I turned, but it was just a statue of a young girl holding an Easter basket. The detail was incredible, much better than you see in most garden statues. But something was wrong with her face. It looked as if she were startled, or even terrified."Ah," Aunty Em said sadly. "You notice some of my creations do not turn out well. They are marred. They do not sell. The face is the hardest to get right. Always the face." "You make these statues yourself?" Percy asked. "Oh, yes. Once upon a time, I had two sisters to help me in the business, but they have passed on, and Aunty Em is alone. I have only my statues. This is why I make them, you see. They are my company." The sadness in her voice sounded so deep and so real that I couldn't help feeling sorry for her. Annabeth had stopped eating. She sat forward and said, "Two sisters?" "It's a terrible story," Aunty Em said. "Not one for children, really. You see, Annabeth, a bad woman was jealous of me, long ago, when I was young. I had a... a boyfriend, you know, and this bad woman was determined to break us apart. She caused a terrible accident. My sisters stayed by me. They shared my bad fortune as long as they could, but eventually they passed on. They faded away. I alone have survived, but at a price. Such a price." Annabeth gave me a look of worry. I knew she realized something. "Percy?" I shook him to get his attention. "Maybe we should go. I mean, the ringmaster will be waiting." Grover was eating the waxed paper off the tray now, but if Aunty Em found that strange, she didn't say anything. "Such beautiful gray eyes," Aunty Em told Annabeth again. "My, yes, it has been a long time since I've seen gray eyes like those." She reached out as if to stroke Annabeth's cheek, but Annabeth stood up abruptly. "We really should go." "Yes!" Grover swallowed his waxed paper and stood up. "The ringmaster is waiting! Right!" "Please, dears," Aunty Em pleaded. "I so rarely get to be with children. Before you go, won't you at least sit for a pose?" "A pose?" Annabeth asked warily. "A photograph. I will use it to model a new statue set. Children are so popular, you see. Everyone loves children." Annabeth shifted her weight from foot to foot. "I don't think we can, ma'am. Come on, Percy—" "Sure we can," Percy said. "It's just a photo, Annabeth. What's the harm?" "Percy, I don't want to..."  "It's just a photo guys." "Indeed it is just a photo Y/N," the woman purred. "No harm." I could tell Annabeth didn't like it as well, but she allowed Aunty Em to lead us back out the front door, into the garden of statues. Aunty Em directed us to a park bench next to the stone satyr. "Now," she said, "I'll just position you correctly. The young girls in the middle, I think, and the two young gentlemen on either side." "Not much light for a photo," I remarked. But joke's on her I could see quite clearly. Don't look. "Oh, enough," Aunty Em said. "Enough for us to see each other, yes?" "Where's your camera?" Grover asked. Aunty Em stepped back, as if to admire the shot. "Now, the face is the most difficult. Can you smile for me please, everyone? A large smile?" Grover glanced at the cement satyr next to him, and mumbled, "That sure does look like Uncle Ferdinand." "Grover," Aunty Em chastised, "look this way, dear." She still had no camera in her hands. "Percy—" Annabeth said. "I will just be a moment," Aunty Em said. "You know, I can't see you very well in this cursed veil...." "Percy, something's wrong," I insisted. "Wrong?" Aunty Em said, reaching up to undo the wrap around her head. "Not at all, dear. I have such noble company tonight. What could be wrong?" "That is Uncle Ferdinand!" Grover gasped. DON'T LOOK. Annabeth turned to my direction, "Look away from her!" she then shouted. She whipped her Yankees cap onto her head and vanished. Her invisible hands pushed Grover and and I pulled Percy with me. We were on the ground, looking at Aunt Em's sandaled feet. I could hear Grover scrambling off in one direction, Annabeth in another. "Percy, we have to move!" I shook him. But he was too dazed to move. Then I heard a strange, rasping sound above me. My eyes rose to Aunty Em's hands, which had turned gnarled and warty, with sharp bronze talons for fingernails. Percy was about to look higher then her hands and I instinctively covered his eyes. "Don't look!" More rasping—the sound of tiny snakes, right above me, from... from about where Aunty Em's head would be. "Run!" Grover bleated. I heard him racing across the gravel, yelling, "Maia!" to kick-start his flying sneakers. "Percy we have to move please!" "Such a pity to destroy a handsome young face," she said soothingly. "Stay with me, Percy. All you have to do is look up." "Percy please!" Percy pushed my hand away and looked to one side. I turned to look as well and saw one of those glass spheres people put in gardens— a gazing ball. I could see Aunty Em's dark reflection in the orange glass; her headdress was gone, revealing her face as a shimmering pale circle. Her hair was moving, writhing like serpents. Aunty Em. Aunty "M." How did Medusa die in the myth? But I couldn't think. Something told me that in the myth Medusa had been asleep when she was attacked by my namesake, Perseus. She wasn't anywhere near asleep now. If she wanted, she could take those talons right now and rake open my face. "The Gray-Eyed One did this to me," Medusa said, and she didn't sound anything like a monster. Her voice invited me to look up, to sympathize with a poor old grandmother. "Annabeth's mother, the cursed Athena, turned me from a beautiful woman into this." "Don't listen to her!" Annabeth's voice shouted, somewhere in the statuary. "Y/N carry Percy!" "Silence!" Medusa snarled. Then her voice modulated back to a comforting purr. "You see why I must destroy the girl, Percy. She is my enemy's daughter. I shall crush her statue to dust. But you, dear Percy, you need not suffer. We won't even hurt, Y/N." I swung Percy's arm around my shoulder. But he was too heavy.  "No," he muttered trying to make his legs move... "Do you really want to help the gods?" Medusa asked. "Do you understand what awaits you on this foolish quest? What will happen if you reach the Underworld? Do not be a pawn of the Olympians, my dear. You would be better off as a statue. Less pain. Less pain." "Y/N!" Behind me, I heard a buzzing sound, like a two-hundred-pound hummingbird in a nosedive. Grover yelled, "Duck!" I turned, and there he was in the night sky, flying in from twelve o'clock with his winged shoes fluttering, Grover, holding a tree branch the size of a baseball bat. His eyes were shut tight, his head twitched from side to side. He was navigating by ears and nose alone. "Duck!" he yelled again. "I'll get her!" I tackled Percy to the other side. Thwack! Then Medusa roared with rage. "You miserable satyr," she snarled. "I'll add you to my collection!" "That was for Uncle Ferdinand!" Grover yelled back. Pulling along an out of a dazed Percy we scrambled away and hid in the statuary while Grover swooped down for another pass. Ker-whack! "Arrgh!" Medusa yelled, her snake-hair hissing and spitting. Right next to me, Annabeth's voice said, "Y/N! Percy!" Percy jumped so high his feet nearly cleared a garden gnome. "Jeez! Don't do that!" Annabeth took off her Yankees cap and became visible. 'You have to cut her head off." "What? Are you crazy? Let's get out of here." "Medusa is a menace. She's evil. I'd kill her myself, but..." Annabeth swallowed, as if she were about to make a difficult admission. "But you've got the better weapon. Besides, I'd never get close to her. She'd slice me to bits because of my mother. You—you've got a chance." "What? I can't—" "Look, do you want her turning more innocent people into statues?" She pointed to a pair of statue lovers, a man and a woman with their arms around each other, turned to stone by the monster. Annabeth grabbed a green gazing ball from a nearby pedestal. "A polished shield would be better." She studied the sphere critically. "The convexity will cause some distortion. The reflection's size should be off by a factor of—" "Would you speak English?" "I am!" She tossed him the glass ball. "Just look at her in the glass. Never look at her directly." "Hey, guys!" Grover yelled somewhere above us. "I think she's unconscious!" "Roooaaarrr!" "Maybe not," Grover corrected. He went in for another pass with the tree branch. "Hurry," Annabeth told him. "Grover's got a great nose, but he'll eventually crash." Percy took out his pen and uncapped it. The bronze blade of Riptide showed. He turned to me and gave the glass then offered a hand. "Percy you can't be seriously bring her along!?" "I'll go with him." Taking his hand, we followed the hissing and spitting sounds of Medusa's hair. I raised the glass so I could guide us. I kept my eyes locked on the gazing ball so I would only glimpse Medusa's reflection, not the real thing. Then, in the green tinted glass, I saw her. Grover was coming in for another turn at bat, but this time he flew a little too low. Medusa grabbed the stick and pulled him off course. He tumbled through the air and crashed into the arms of a stone grizzly bear with a painful "Ummphh!" Medusa was about to lunge at him when I yelled, "Hey!" We advanced on her. I had let go of Percy's hand to bring out my knife. So if she charged, I could help Percy. But she let us approach—twenty feet, ten feet. I could see the reflection of her face now. Surely it wasn't really that ugly. The green swirls of the gazing ball must be distorting it, making it look worse. "You wouldn't harm an old woman, Percy," she crooned. "I know you wouldn't." I could tell he hesitated. From the cement grizzly, Grover moaned, "Percy, don't listen to her!" Medusa cackled. "Too late." She lunged at him with her talons. I ran and raised my knife to block her talons, Percy then swung his sword, then we heard a sickening shlock!, then a hiss like wind rushing out of a cavern—the sound of a monster disintegrating. Something fell to the ground next to my foot. It took all my willpower not to look. I could feel warm ooze soaking into my sock, little dying snake heads tugging at my shoelaces. "Oh, yuck," Percy said. His eyes were still tightly closed, but I guess he could hear the thing gurgling and steaming. "Mega-yuck." Annabeth came up next to us, her eyes fixed on the sky. She was holding Medusa's black veil. She said, "Don't move." >Very, very carefully, without looking down, she knelt and draped the monster's head in black cloth, then picked it up. It was still dripping green juice. "Are you okay?" Percy asked me, his voice trembling. "Yeah," I decided. "Why didn't... why didn't the head evaporate?" "Once you sever it, it becomes a spoil of war," she said. "Same as your minotaur horn. But don't unwrap the head. It can still petrify you." Grover moaned as he climbed down from the grizzly statue. He had a big welt on his forehead. His green rasta cap hung from one of his little goat horns, and his fake feet had been knocked off his hooves. The magic sneakers were flying aimlessly around his head. "The Red Baron," Percy said. "Good job, man." He managed a bashful grin. "That really was not fun, though. Well, the hitting-her-with-a-stick part, that was fun. But crashing into a concrete bear? Not fun." He snatched his shoes out of the air. "I didn't know Grover got Luke's shoes."  Percy recapped his sword. "I can't fly." He shrugged.  Together, the four of us stumbled back to the warehouse We found some old plastic grocery bags behind the snack counter and double-wrapped Medusa's head. We plopped it on the table where we'd eaten dinner and sat around it, too exhausted to speak. Finally Percy said, "So we have Athena to thank for this monster?" Annabeth flashed me an irritated look. "Your dad, actually. Don't you remember? Medusa was Poseidon's girlfriend. They decided to meet in my mother's temple. That's why Athena turned her into a monster. Medusa and her two sisters who had helped her get into the temple, they became the three gorgons. That's why Medusa wanted to slice me up, but she wanted to preserve you as a nice statue. She's still sweet on your dad. You probably reminded her of him." "Oh, so now it's my fault we met Medusa." Annabeth straightened. In a bad imitation of my voice, she said: "'It's just a photo, Annabeth. What's the harm?'" "Forget it," I said. "You're impossible." "You're insufferable." "You're—" "You're both loud and stupid." I growled. "Yeah!" Grover interrupted. "You two are giving me a migraine, and satyrs don't even get migraines. What are we going to do with the head?" I stared at the thing. One little snake was hanging out of a hole in the plastic. The words printed on the side of the bag said: WE APPRECIATE YOUR BUSINESS! I was angry, not just with Annabeth or her mom, but with all the gods for this whole quest, for getting us blown off the road and in two major fights the very first day out from camp. At this rate, we'd never make it to L.A. alive, much less before the summer solstice. What had Medusa said? Do not be a pawn of the Olympians, my dear. You would be better off as a statue. Percy and I shared a look. We got up. "I'll be back." "Percy, Y/N," Annabeth called after me. "What are you—" We searched the back of the warehouse until I found Medusa's office. Her account book showed her six most recent sales, all shipments to the Underworld to decorate Hades and Persephone's garden. According to one freight bill, the Underworld's billing address was DOA Recording Studios, West Hollywood, California. I folded up the bill and stuffed it in my pocket. In the cash register I found twenty dollars, a few golden drachmas, and some packing slips for Hermes Overnight Express, each with a little leather bag attached for coins.  "Found one." Percy called. We went back to the picnic table, packed up Medusa's head, and filled out a delivery slip: The Gods >Mount Olympus 600th Floor, >Empire State Building New York, NY With best wishes, PERCY JACKSON <3 Y/N L/N "They're not going to like that," Grover warned. "They'll think you're impertinent." I poured some golden drachmas in the pouch. As soon as I closed it, there was a sound like a cash register. The package floated off the table and disappeared with a pop! "I am impertinent," Percy said. I looked at Annabeth, daring her to criticize. She didn't. She seemed resigned to the fact that we had a major talent for ticking off the gods. "Great, well Fred and George," she muttered. "We need a new plan."

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