#i actually have an alarm set for 9 am because i really would like to do at least something today and i’ll just feel like the day has passed

[eternalstateofoctober]

* this

[helluvahusker]

Set Up

Also read on AO3

The door chimed as it opened and a whole lot of blue feathers swept inside.

“Oh Fiizziiie,” Blitzø sang, sticking his head into the back room where his coworker/childhood bestie/not really boyfriend but close enough was taking a little sit-down break to massage his thighs where the prosthetics always bit in a little too hard, “That giant rooster you have a crush on just walked in.” Sure, Blitzø would fuck that lust demon in a split second. But at least he wasn’t pussy enough to be developing gooey feelings about it. 

Fizz’s tail straightened in alarm. “Shut the fuck up, he could hear you!” 

“He’s all the way on the other side of the store,” Blitzø snorted, waving a hand dismissively. “Besides, I don’t think he’d mind. I’ve watched you two flirt for weeks now, there’s no way you’re the only one catching feels.” 

“Ugh.” Fizz climbed to his feet, limping a little as he joined Blitzø back out in the main part of the store. “You’re one to talk. How’s it going with that owl, anyways?” 

Asmodeus’s face lit up as he spotted the imps emerging from the back room and he waved. They waved back, Blitzø with a suggestive twist of his lips and Fizzarolli with a bashful blush. 

Back to the matter at hand. “Pfft, Stolas? You know, he’s just a thirsty bitch who’s never been treated right in bed before. And I-” Blitzø linked his fingers together and stretched, cracking multiple joints at once “-am more than happy to oblige.” 

Fizz rolled his eyes. “Yeah sure, and that’s all it is. No feelings there at all, right?” 

Blitzø flushed. “He’ll realize I’m not the only guy out there eventually. And he’s probably monogamous. So it doesn’t matter.” He nudged Fizz in the side before he could argue. “Look alive, Ozzie at 3 o'clock.”

“That’s 9 o’clock, asshole,” Fizz mumbled, elbowing him back. He stood up straighter as Ozzie approached the counter. “Heeeyyya big guy! Whatcha checkin out today?” 

Asmodeus’s smile was a blinding neon green. “Well I was hoping to check out a cute little froggie, if he’s available.” He let a bundle of pink and lime green ropes fall to the counter, along with a shiny ball gag that Fizz had recommended as one of his favorites a few visits ago, still in its package. “And these too, please.” 

Fizz laughed nervously, one cybernetic hand gripping Blitzø’s tightly behind the counter. “Of course! Looks like a fun night.” 

Blitzø sighed, rolling his eyes. “Ugh, you two are impossible! He’s available. Take him out to dinner. Tie him up real nice and have him back by noon tomorrow, that’s when his shift starts.” 

“Blitz,” Fizzarolli hissed, face going dark with embarrassment, “Stop it, he didn’t mean it like that-” 

“Actually,” Asmodeus leaned forward, expression the picture of hopefulness, “that was exactly how I meant it. If you’re okay with that?” 

“If-” Fizz’s mouth hung open a moment before morphing into a wide toothy grin. “I am more than okay with that. What time, where are we going, what should I wear?” 

While the two of them enthusiastically hashed out the details for their date, Blitzø disentangled his hand from Fizz’s and scanned Ozzie’s purchases. The other two didn’t even seem to notice the beeps.

“Ooookay, your total is $62.53, now will that be cash or card?” Blitzø broke through their conversation with no regret because hey, he was an asshole and he wanted to get paid. 

Ozzie handed over his card without pausing the conversation. But when he’d finally gotten all the details smoothed out, his purchases in a bag, and Fizz’s number, he looked over at Blitzø before heading out. “I hope you’ll join us sometime Blitz, sounds like we could definitely have some fun together.” And then he winked and walked out, leaving Blitzø the last one with a blush on his cheeks. 

The moment the door swung shut behind him, Fizz grabbed Blitzø by the shoulders and shook him aggressively. “You dick! Why would you do that?” 

“Wha- I can’t help it if everyone wants a piece of this! Besides, we’ve had plenty of threesomes, I don’t see why-” 

Fizz slapped him upside the head. “Not that part! Why would you tell him to take me on a date?! That could have gone so badly and destroyed my chances completely!” 

“Buut it didn’t,” Blitzø giggled. He always got a bit giddy and loopy when Fizz manhandled him. “C’mon Fizz, this was like the third time he tried asking you out and you didn’t notice. I had to step in! Besides, ya can’t argue with the result.” 

There was a whirring noise and suddenly Blitzø was being drawn into an aggressively grateful kiss, Fizz’s arms wrapped tight around him. 

“Just for that, I’m gonna put in a good word for you with M&M next time I see them,” Fizz said seriously, upon drawing back. 

Blitzø grinned. “Fuck yeah, I’ve totally almost got them. Just need Moxxie to unclench his asshole enough for me to slide in and Mille and I are gonna have him eating out of our palms. That threesome is just around the corner, I can feel it.” 

It wasn’t exactly unusual for him and/or Fizz to fuck the customers. Often they were just people passing through looking for a fun experience in the city they were visiting. Some people from closer places came through once, tried, didn’t like, and were never seen again. And then there were the regulars. All locals, all kinksters, which made for a nice little impromptu community, all based around Blitzø and Fizz’s sex shop. They’d been considering hosting some kink parties, but the store had no space, and their tiny shoebox apartments weren’t exactly big enough for a gathering of 6+ people. 

Millie and Moxxie were regulars, an adorable Dom-leaning and sub-leaning switchy couple, and Blitzø wanted in on that, at least once. Moxxie was always quick to splutter that he and his wife were monogamous when the bigger imp made his advances but Millie had covertly confirmed they were considering bringing a third into the bedroom. Blitzø was determined to be that third, and he kinda liked that Moxx made it such a challenge anyways. It would just make the end result all that much sweeter. He loved an eager sub who acted like they didn’t want it…

“So now that I’ve got my date with Ozzie, you gonna put the romance moves on Stolas?” Fizz's croaky voice broke through his thoughts. 

“What?” Blitzø shook his head. “I already told you, it’s not like that. We just fuck. At some point he’s gonna want something serious and I-”

Fizzarolli scoffed. “You can do serious if you want to. I mean, look at us.” He waved a hand between them. “We’ve been together for literal decades.” 

“We live in separate apartments, wingman for each other, and hype each other up to go out with other people,” Blitzø pointed out. “It’s not like we have your typical every day relationship.” 

“Soo not the point,” Fizz dismissed. “We do what works for us and it’s great! Just means there’s more room for you to get more serious with your birdy the way I know you’ve been dying to.” 

Blitzø groaned. He did like Stolas. Okay, he even liked Stolas a lot. The guy was cute and smart and funny and startlingly incredible in the sack, despite his (rapidly shrinking) inexperience. Maybe Blitzø was just a sucker for people who entrusted him with doing stuff with them that they’d never tried before. Whatever, it didn’t matter, because… “I already told you, he’s totally fucking monogamous. I mean, you’ve met him. You’ve talked to him. C’mon.” 

Fizz crossed his arms and glared. “Did he tell you that he’s monogamous?” 

Blitzø’s shoulders drooped. “Well, no.” He hadn’t asked. He didn’t want to ask because the sooner it was confirmed the sooner he’d have to face the reality that it was going to end at some point, probably in the near future. If they could just be in denial together a little bit longer, pretending there was nothing in the way of them staying together forever…

Fizz’s fingers snapped in front of Blitzø’s face, drawing him out of his pathetic thoughts. “You’re a fucking idiot.” 

“Thanks,” Blitzø said flatly, “exactly what I needed to hear from my partner right now.” 

An impatient noise escaped the back of Fizzarolli’s throat. He cupped Blitzø’s face in his hands and gave him a kiss, to soften the sting.  “Listen, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. No way there’s no feelings there. Besides, he knows you’re non-monogamous, right?” 

“Well duh. I mean I talk about you all the time. He was actually really nervous to interact with you after I told him, it was fucking adorable-”

“See?” Fizz interrupted, pressing another kiss to Blitzø’s lips to shut him up. “And you talk about him to me all the time, which is how I know you like him a lot too. You’re not deluding him about your relationship situation, and he clearly still likes you. He probably thinks you only do sex with other people. Have a fucking conversation with him, alright?” 

Blitzø frowned. “But what if-”

“Oh my fucking Satan!” Fizz was exhausted. Having serious conversations with Blitzø was exhausting. He hoped Stolas knew what he was getting himself into. “Listen to me! You want more from that relationship so you’re gonna have to pull your big boy boxers on, use your words, and talk about it. If it goes well you’re gonna be glad you did it and if it goes badly then I’ll come over and let you cry on me while we eat ice cream and watch your stupid horse movies. Maybe you’ll even get a pity fuck out of M&M.” 

The frown deepened. “Ew, I don’t want a pity fuck from Moxxie. I’ll take one from you and Ozzie though. That man looks like he could Dom the sad feelings out of anyone.”

Of fucking course. “Well if it comes to that I’m sure we can work something out,” Fizz snorted, smiling a little despite himself. “Let me get through this date first, though. My point is that even if it does go bad, you’ll be okay. But also, it won’t go bad. Have I ever steered you wrong?” Blitzø’s mouth opened, his expression skeptical. “Don’t answer that!” 

Finally, Blitzø smiled, just a small one. “Alright Fizz, you win. I’ll see if he’s free tonight.” He paused. “You know, Stolas actually pretends to like my horse movies.” 

“Yet another clear sign that he’s stupid about you,” Fizz deadpanned, but he was smiling too. Tonight would absolutely be an excellent night, all around. 

[poppitron360]

Okay so @green-tea217 requested that I share this fanfic based on this post that I made.

I never usually post my fanfics, but I’m feeling brave. This one isn’t finished, but I’ll post the first chapter ‘cause I’m really proud of it. I’m working on the other fanfics that were requested, but I’m posting this one first because I’ve worked rlly had on it.

Summary: Kind of an OC/FanChild fic about my hcs for Percabeth’s kids. VERY Leo/Nico heavy bc they’re my two favourite characters, particularly Leo.

TWs: Swearing, lack of smut (she is a teenager)

Disclaimers: I was still reading SoN when I wrote this chapter, and I am currently on HoH, so if I’ve missed anything that gets revealed later, that’s why. Also I listened to the audiobooks, so if I spell a name wrong, that’s also why, either that or I’ve spelt something the British way.

Chapter 1:

Olympia hated stories.

She hated telling them. She hated hearing them. She hated the way they were often twisted and bent to contain some kind of message. She hated the theatrics of sharing them around the fire, the hushed voices and dramatic tone. And she hated how every story she heard was almost always about her dad.

Olympia Grace Jackson-Chase.

Of course.

For as long as she can remember, people had told her stories about her parents. About her and her birth. How she had been born on Olympus. How Apollo himself had delivered her, and named her “Olympia Grace” so that it would rhyme with her last name. That wasn’t entirely true. “Grace” was the last name of her Auntie Thalia and Uncle Jason. She hated the stories about them too- about all her parents’ friends. They were myths and legends in the eyes of the other campers, to her they were just people who babysat her sometimes. The Cabin 9’ers had been shocked when she’d told them that the heroic son of Hephaestus who had saved the world from Gaea and her evil forces was actually just Little Uncle Leo, and the first Fire User in three and a half centuries isn’t very mythical and legendary when he’s running in from the kitchen, waving a tea-towel at the fire alarm and yelling “Oh shit, the guacamole’s on fire. I set the guacamole on fire. Don’t tell your mom.”

People never wanted to hear those stories. Only the exiting and dangerous ones.

“Percy Jackson fought the Minotaur when he was only ten years old!!!”

“Percy Jackson keeps insisting I tidy my room.”

Suffice it to say, she was sick of it.

“Dad,” she asked, approaching the kitchen table.

Perseus Jackson, the man, the myth, the legend himself, looked up from his comic book and ginned at her.

“What is it, dolphin?”

“Can you… like… not send me to camp this year?”

Her dad frowned, put The Amazing Spider-Man down on the table and leaned back in his chair.

“Why? What’s up? Are the other campers not nice to you there?”

“It’s not that… in fact, it’s the opposite. The attention is getting too much. I wanna learn to fight, but… I’d rather you just teach me yourself. You can show me how to use my water powers.”

“Oly, I know it’s hard, especially as you’re one of the first Legacies at Camp Half-Blood. I can absolutely arrange for you to not go anymore if you don’t want to… but there’s only so much I can teach you on my own, particularly with your mother’s workload. I want to make sure you’d be protected. Could you maybe give it a try, please?”

Olympia was pretty sure she’d been “giving it a try” for the last 14 summers, but she didn’t want to argue with her dad.

“Fine,” she said.

“That’s my girl,” he beamed, “Now, remember to pack your armour for Capture the Flag, I don’t want to have to drive out there and back just ‘cause you forgot it again.”

She sighed and left the room.

She just wished that he had stayed in the car when he’d dropped her off, but no. He insisted on walking with her to the Big House, saying hello to Chiron and generally being a huge embarrassment. It didn’t take long for the crowds of campers to form around them, whispering behind their hands. She hugged her dad, and said goodbye to him as quickly as she could.

She dumped her things in the Poseidon Cabin. She was allowed in both her mom and her dad’s old cabins, but she preferred to be alone to sleep. She did her activities with the Athena kids though, she didn’t want to stand out any more than she already did.

Olympia sat alone, perched on the edge of the Athena table, when suddenly a kid shuffled up next to her. She looked about twelve, with the same grey eyes of her mother.

“What’s your name?” The girl asked.

“Olympia Jackson-Chase,” Olympia sighed.

“I’ve noticed you doing cabin activities with us, but you don’t sleep with the other Athenians? What’s up with that?”

Olympia took a deep breath, and began to explain, “I’m a-“

“Wait. Jackson-Chase?” The kid gasped.

Oh, here we go, Olympia thought, preparing for the usual swooning and/or geeking out.

“Your mother was Annabeth Chase?”

Olympia was slightly taken aback, “Usually, people talk mostly about my father. I’m always “The daughter of Percy Jackson,” never “the daughter of Annabeth Chase.””

“Oh but she’s a legend! She re-designed Olympus! She led our cabin in battle against the Titans! She even held up the sky! I mean, I know your dad did that too, but-“

“She did it for longer. She was under that thing for over a day, he only held it for at most 20 minutes.”

The girl laughed.

“And, if you ask me, she was the one who did all the work when it came to defeating Kronos. Dad did jack shit, just handed a knife to a guy.”

“Exactly! Just because he was in the Prophecy-“

“Nah, it’s a lot simpler than that,” Olympia said, “It’s because he’s a man.”

They sat in silence for a bit.

She never blamed her dad for overshadowing her mom. He didn’t mean to. In fact, he openly hated the stories that didn’t recognise her for all she did. They were so in love, it was sickening.

“I can’t believe she’s, like, my sister.”

The girl gasped, and grabbed Olympia’s arm, “Wait, does that make me your aunt?”

Olympia shook her head, “Don’t bother with family trees, man, otherwise you get into the whole “my dad’s dad is my mom’s mom’s uncle, which makes me kinda my mom’s second cousin, and my dad her cousin-once-removed”- it’s just too much to get your head around.”

She looked directly into the girl’s grey eyes, “My advice, kid, believe whatever bullshit they tell you about the Gods not having DNA, and just try not to think about it.”

The girl’s face fell. “Oh.”

Then she looked exited again, “Did you come out of her tummy or her head like I did with my mom?”

And there we go, Olympia thought. Geez, they didn’t hesitate to ask the really invasive questions, did they?

She took her three-pronged fork out of her pocket, and fidgeted with it, twirling it in her fingers. Instantly, she realised her mistake.

“Why do you carry a fork around and never eat with it?” The girl asked. More questions.

Might at well get it over with, she thought.

“Gift from Grandpa,” she replied.

“A gift from Poseidon? What does it do?”

She sighed again, and dangled the fork over the girl’s glass of orange juice, and let go. It dropped into the glass with a satisfying plop, and then rose to the surface. No, it wasn’t rising. It was growing. It’s shaft elongated, and the prongs stretched to become longer and way more deadly. Intricate designs started carving itself into the metal. Olympia stood up, and grabbed the shaft of the fork just as it finished growing. A three-pronged death skewer of pure celestial bronze. A Trident.

The surrounding campers gaped at her, open-mouthed.

“Woah,” said one of the Hephaestus campers, clearly someone who hadn’t seen the spectacle before.

“OLYMPIA JACKSON-CHASE! NO WEAPONS AT THE DINNER TABLE! CAMP RULES! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT!!”

“Sorry Chiron,” Olympia called. She twisted a little ring of metal around the shaft of the trident, and it shrank back into a fork. She sat back down.

“It responds to water,” she explained, “get it wet, and boom, Trident.”

She had named it Blue. It was her first word, after all. Or at least, that was the story. Poseidon had given it to her on her second birthday, and she had just looked at it, holding it in her tiny fist, and cried “bloooo!” It was probably just baby babbling, but Dad said it counted.

“So what’s Poseidon like? Do you have water powers too? Can you get me your mom’s autograph? Is your dad really 7ft tall?”

She ate the rest of her lunch in silence, only answering the onslaught of questions from the young camper when she had to.

Cabin 3 offered a pleasant respite from the crowds and the people. She dropped her armour and weapons from the day’s activites by the door and kicked off her shoes.

She looked at herself in the mirror.

(Drawing of Olympia: Art by me)

Her curly black hair, which she’d dyed the tips of blonde, was pulled back into a messy ponytail. Around her neck hung a necklace of leather chord, fourteen different coloured beads threaded onto them, each painted with a different design. Her broad shoulders and thick muscles bulged through her plain navy-blue tank top. Her skin was tanned from spending long hours training in the sun. She had a battle-hardened look to her that meant people often mistook her for a daughter of Ares. But her eyes was what made her stand out most- one grey, like her mother, one green, like her father. Her parents had told her how her birth had ended the centuries-long feud between Poseidon and Athena for good, and she had been given those eyes as a way of symbolising that. Another story. It felt like every part of her body had been attached to a story about something her parents had done. Why couldn’t she just be herself? She had spent 16 years living under the shadow of her parents, she was homeschooled from an early age, and had been going to camp since before she could even hold a sword- the demigod life was all she’d ever known. Someday, she’d get away from it all. She’d sink to the bottom of the Mariana Trench and just study the fish, and she wouldn’t have to worry about people or monsters

Suddenly, she felt something tap her on her shoulder. Quick as lightning, she grabbed Blue and spun around. Blue, still in fork form, was about a centimetre away from the neck of her intruder, who held up his hands in surrender.

“Whoah there!” He said.

When she saw who it was, she lowered the weapon and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Leo!” She cried.

“Hey, how’s my favourite cousin? Or… whatever.”

She looked at him and smiled. Despite him being old enough to be her dad, he was about half her size. With a thin, wiry frame and very little meat on his bones. His wild, curly brown hair framed his pointed face and elfish features. His dark skin was covered in a thin layer of motor oil and grime of unknown origin. He tapped her cheek affectionately, leaving a grubby handprint on her face. He walked over to her bed and leaped onto the top bunk, his legs dangling off the ladder.

“You need to stop growing,” he instructed, “You are getting too big, it’s not fair.”

“You need to stop being so short,” Olympia retorted, then her face broke into a huge smile, “I feel like I never see you anymore!”

“I know, you’re too old for me to babysit now, kiddo,” He complained.

“Well that always ended in disaster anyway. There’s still burn marks on that wall.”

“Did your mom find out?” He asked.

“Nope. Dad told her he just wanted to hang more pictures up. And then he went on a long speech about how nice she looked in that wedding photo, and then took her out for ice cream. I think she bought it.”

“Good.”

They stayed in comfortable silence for a few seconds, and then she asked, “So… it’s great that you’re here and all, but… why are you here?”

“What, I can’t come and visit my favourite partner in crime every now and then?”

“Leo…” Her tone was firm.

Leo’s face was suddenly dark and serious, he paused before speaking, but said, “I think I have news about your brother.”

That was Chapter 1- if this post gets… let’s say… 30 notes, I’ll post Chapter 2.

[charlesswife]

My Experience Working For The Formula One Miami Grand Prix 2023 (please read)

Hello dear readers,

In this post I will share with you about my experience working at the Formula One Miami Grand Prix of this year. As well as footage - just in case you don’t believe me. Trust me, I have NO reason to lie to you about the things I’m about to say. I want to bring this post into awareness because I think not a lot of people know what actually happens behind the scenes at all.

I would really appreciate if you guys take the time to read this. It would mean the world to me. Please reblog and share to your formula one friends so they can be aware of this.

You may or may not know, but I’m just getting into Formula One and although there is still some stuff to learn about this sport, it has grown into me and I love this sport as well as the drivers.

When you see videos of people working for the Formula One, you only get to see the good, pretty and wonderful side. You don’t see the nasty, horrendous and overall awful side. That’s why I’m here to tell you the actual truth of what I went through.

I work for this company (safety reason I won’t say which) as an usher, I work for different stadiums and I get to choose my own schedule. To work for F1 you need to fill an application and it’s just a very long process. Initially they only needed security for the job — I am not security, I’m usher so they almost didn’t take me until last minute. I’m a strong believer of manifestation.

My schedule was Friday 9:30am to 9:30pm, Saturday from 7:30am to 8:30pm and Sunday from 8:30 am to 9:30pm

When I got there on Friday at 9:30am I had to park so far and then walk to the Shuttle that was going to pick us up from the parking and take us to the stadium.

I picked up my credential and went looking where to clock in. Here are some of the pics I took

When I finally found where to clock in, I was on hold until 11am trying to figure out where I’m supposed to work. Nobody knew where to go and it was just very disorganized on their part. Since nobody picked me I had to be taken to gate 8. The worker that was taking us got confused and I literally went through the whole place trying to find gate 8. This is what it looked like.

Imagine having to walk all that, under the Miami heat. The sun literally burning in your back. I finally got to my spot at 12pm. They confused me as a security and they put me to work on something I wasn’t supposed to be at by mistake, but regardless I worked it because it was a good one. I was in turn 17, which I saw the drivers slowed down in the turn. I saw Alex Albon get of the grid twice during practice.

I met the flag marshalls there. They were so nice and caring as well.

(I thought this was funny to add)

This is when they were taking Charles’ car out of the race.

I was at this spot until 8pm, which is way later than when they told me I was going to leave the spot, and during the whole day I was surviving in water. Unfortunately that day I did not receive any food. One of the marshalls gave me an apple and another one gave me a vegetable wrap, but after a whole day of not eating; once you eat, your body rejects it. So I literally wanted to throw up at this point. I was very weak.

I was asked to come in at 5am the next day, to which I agreed (big mistake).

I did let my supervisor know that I didn’t eat and while he was worried and was trying to find a way for me to get lunch box, I never received one - so I was dehydrated, starved and lightheaded.

Once I clocked out, I had to walk for 40 minutes to get to the shuttle again and drive for 30 minutes to get into the parking and then a few more minutes to get to my car (since I was parked very far away) and THEN drive 30 minutes to get to my house. I got home at 10:40pm took a shower, set my alarms and went to sleep. I had to wake up and leave my house the next day at 4:10am — drive 30 minutes, get in the shuttle, another 30 minutes to the stadium and walk to clock in.

I’m surviving on 4 hours of sleep. They asked for my security card, which I told them I don’t have because I’m usher. Just then, they realize the mistake they made and told me I couldn’t work the same spot I did yesterday because that’s only for security. So they had me 2 hours earlier than the original time plan for absolutely no reason.

everybody got there in between 6:30am to 8:30am.

I got to work with a nice supervisor to which I worked before for another stadium, I talked to him about the lunch and he ensured me that he’ll make sure I’ll eat.

I was in Marina (big information to know, iykyk) bathroom duty - basically making sure only women were getting into the bathroom (you would think it’s common senses, but the about of men almost accidentally getting into the women’s bathroom and viceversa it’s insane)

I was able to see the practice and qualifying because of a big screen that was in front of me.

I was there when Charles crashed again in the same section too.

Roll the clip!!

I watched the clip replay and saw myself running and also saw how close Charles was to my section. I really wanted to die when I saw the distance between us.

I have another video explaining the distance between us but tumblr only lets me post one video per post.

I really did enjoy myself. However, I was standing since 5:20am to 6:30pm, the whole day… standing up… and this my be tmi but I have thicc thighs so they rub with each other, my feet were sore and swollen and my pussy lips were HURTING, when I peed it felt like acid going down there.

I was drained and sunburned and overall this job is not for the weak. I had to cancel my shift for today because I would definitely not do it again.

I got paid 15/hour, which overall I don’t think it’s worth it at all. Housekeeping gets paid the same and they’re job is making sure the entire arena is clean for the guests. They should get paid more. The food voucher that I was given only covered for $15 so if I went over the limit I had to pay the remaining, which is fucking dumb because I am literally working there, the least they could do is give me a free meal, but they didn’t. They offer you the minimum but expect the best outcome from you. I was met with false advertisement left and right and for that reason I had to leave. You’re telling me that a multimillion dollar event in one of the biggest stadium in Florida is only paying their staff $15/h and can’t even cover their full meal? Please do better.

I cried to my friend after everything that I went through because I although had great memories, and I can brag to my friends and everyone I met that I went to F1, the day was pretty shitty tbh. There’s always a limit to something and I had a limit, that’s why I had to cancel my shift. I knew I couldn’t do this anymore. My love for this sport is big, but I passed my limit point.

I would’ve rather pay $5000 to with paddock pass and everything to see the race, than working in it. For those two days I think I only made $300, and to be honest. I didn’t see worth it.

I would much rather watch the race in the comfort of my house than working in it.

Whenever you go to an event, game, concert, etc. please be kind to the staff you see, the staff that helps you get to your desired place. We do so much, we stand there for hours, sometimes we get breaks, sometimes we don’t— sometimes we get to eat and sometimes, unfortunately, we don’t.

This was definitely an experience, and I am a strong person that likes to work, but I would rather die than do that again.

With much love,

CW

——————————————————————

anyways new chapter coming up tomorrow!

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know this might not be a post you guys had in mind, but I really wanted you guys to know what I went through. If you guys know about any other better ideas to work for Formula One pls let me know. Also please tell me what are your thoughts in this situation. I want to know your thoughts as well! If you have Formula 1 friends, please share this with them and let them know what actually happen to me.

Since I don't work today, I'm going to focus on watching the race, and writing the new chapter for you guys!!!

Thank you for supporting my writing. The main reason why I started this blog is because I love to write (I want to publish books) and I wanted to put my ideas out in the world and received feedback as well. I am very thankful for you guys! I can't believe I'm almost at 500 followers too! You guys are awesome, truly!

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[thirdtidemouse]

my (official and real) sketchbook playlist!! descriptions underneath! i have put the songs in a specific order and tried to make sure all the songs fit their vibe too outside (or disregarding) lyrics. also the types of music i think theyd enjoy lol.

1.. don't believe - vashti bunyan

oh, don't believe that love brings happiness gone tomorrow, here today love involves so much unhappiness don't believe what they say

lets kick it off with some folksy bittersweet 🤟this is both kaisa and johanna separately, before they meet. and their mirrored loneliness

2. apple pie - the scary jokes

i'll always be too shy to say what's on my mind i'm fantasizing all the time

the scary jokes are on this playlist. kaisa music. magic shygirl type of stuff

3. walking all day - graham coxon

walking all day with my mind on fire tryin' to get talkin' to you

this one's johanna vibes. ohh the days she'd spend walking round town, visiting the library, daydreaming about running into her and pretending it was an accident. she can't sit still, always restless, a teenager again

4. beautiful brain - mabel ye

i think you're beautiful i think you've got a beautiful brain i think you're beautiful i check up on it every day and while we sit just four feet across separated by a wall that is both white and moss i feel distance from you i feel closer to you

real ones know this came up in sketchbook week.. watch the music video for this!! (its sketchbook af)

5. super crush - tiger trap

i've got a supercrush on you because i think about you night and day

i'm not explaining this

6. the too much song - lemon demon

you're too much or am i not enough? you're (too much) and i feel this way much too much the longer that i wait the more you are much to my dismay

kaisa's perspective..

7. pink smoke - the scary jokes

you walk through walls set off the smoke alarms i feel your arms wrapping around me your aura almost drowns me pink smoke gets stuck in my throat when i say your name my heart goes up in flames

aaah johanna is crushing on a being of magic!

8. trees and flowers - strawberry switchblade

and i hate the buildings and the way they tower over me can't you see? i get so frightened no-one else seems frightened

strawberry switchblade is such kaisa music! goth & sweet! this song is definitely her but i think johanna's general anxieties about the city & the wilderness really show up in this song. they connect over these anxieties

9. i wanna be the moon - the scary jokes

it's scary to see you falling for me i wish that i could be i wanna be, i wanna be the moon i can't make you cry from way up in the sky and that's the reason why i wanna be, i wanna be the moon

kaisa's perspective. she doesn't like to get too close to people

10. it must be love - madness

i never thought i'd miss you half as much as i do

cmaaan johanna would love madness. london gerl. also one of the actual best love songs ever written ever

11. i have the moon - lush

you have to fly around the world all day to keep the sun upon your face i'd like to come and comfort you but i'd be blinded by the blue you have the sun, i have the moon

another sketchbook week song OOPS... literally sun/moon couple.

12. m'lover - kishi bashi

i wanna do what lovers do with you i wanna walk the edge of the earth with you

ripped STRAIGHT off the hilda soundtrack shamelessly. lovely magical sound. this plays when they're going on a very long expedition together

13. soho square - kirsty maccoll

one day you'll be waiting there no empty bench in soho square and we'll dance around like we don't care and i'll be much too old to cry and you'll kiss me quick in case i die before my birthday one day you'll be waiting there come summertime in soho square and i'll be painting stars up in the sky before i get too old to cry before my birthday

one of kaisa's first crushes was kirsty maccoll i'll say it. this song is so emotional the strings her vooiice!! this is a city love song. this is johanna leaving trolberg within the hc that they were childhood friends.

14. let's do everything for the first time forever - of montreal

may we dance again so i can pretend we're dancing for the first time? because when we danced for the first time i was so nervous!

it's been so long for both of them they're like teenagers again.. every time they talk its like talking to a school crush. embarrassing af. we both are out of practice with romance. let's do it together!!

15. black magic - little mix

take a sip of my secret potion i'll make you fall in love for a spell that can't be broken one drop should be enough

hehehehe!!!

16. my girlfriend is a witch - october country

spells fill the air i think i hear footsteps on my stair coming near her thoughts are telling me that she's here

quintessential hilda fandom song. how could i not?

17. she's got a new spell - billy bragg

one minute she says, she's gone to get the cat in next thing i know, she's mumbling in latin she cut the stars out of the sky and baked them in a pie, that's how i know she stole the scene and the scenery the script and the machinery, that's how i know that she's got a new spell

another witch's lover's song.. all that magic in one household can't be good.

18. lovers rock - tv girl

are you sick of me? would you like to be?

this song is just so chilled and lovely like a quiet night in. but captures the nerves and uncertainty of dating as well

19. riches and wonders - the mountain goats

we write letters to each other, invent secrets to confess to i learn foreign and exotic terms of endearment by which to address you we feed fresh fruit to one another we stay up all night and i am healthy, i am whole, but i have poor impulse control and i want to go home but i am home we are strong, we are faithful we are guardians of a rare thing we are filled with riches and wonders our love keeps the things it finds

domesticity and true love at its greatest. i love tmg!!

20. settin' the woods on fire - hank williams

you're my gal and i'm your feller dress up in your frock of yeller i'll look swell, but you'll look sweller! tonight we're settin' the woods on fire

off some country records johanna would 'co-own' with woodman. so fun. this gets put on in the pearson household when they have a family evening in

21. acolyte - slaughter beach, dog

annie, i want you to marry me we'll wait a few years i don't mean to frighten you i just want to be clear. man, it cuts like a dull knife when you're young and you're told 'makes sense when you're older,' darling, let's get old

not much to say on this one. i luv this song :-)

22. all i want is you - barry louis polisar

if you were a river in the mountains tall the rumble of your water would be my call if you were the winter i know i'd be the snow just as long as you were with me when the cold winds blow

juno soundtrack to finish it off :-) the core of sketchbook to me is joy & comfort & nature & magic

i hope u guys enjoyed this! lmk what you think of these interpretations! show me some lyrics you think about!

[rubythecrimsonwriter]

There was a point in my early college experience that my meal structure more closely resembled a Hobbit's than a human's, just by virtue of being incredibly busy and also trying to put on weight after I lost a bunch due to a surgery going mildly awry.

This was made incredibly obvious to everyone in my immediate vicinity because i set alarms to remind me to eat because my hunger receptors are basically useless to this day. Perpetually hungry for years because i was growing so fast, compounded with regimented school systems that didn't allow for snacks, plus hyperfixations that don't let me go for hours on end mean that I'm more likely to look up and have to count back the hours on when i last ate and think i should eat than i am to feel hungry.

My best friends had helped me set up the alarms and they had named the alarms appropriately, so when there was a project that resulted in my phone being in someone else's hand when the Elevenses alarm goes off, he looks at the alarm and looks at me and he knows my schedule because he's in most of my classes with me. And then he looks at his watch and the sudden realization that I had trained all of my classmates that had the same four morning classes onto MY schedule was hilarious and it went a little like this:

The alarm goes off. I'm patting down my pockets and bag for my phone because we've been playing swap with each other's phones for almost an hour. I find someone else's phone but not mine. I look up to try and find where the ringing is coming from and its in Josh's hand. Josh has seen the alarm and is staring at it. And he looks at his watch. And oh so slowly, his eyes tick over to mine.

"You're going to say its time for a snack and drag us all over to [coffee shop that sold bagels and a stupidly good chai i was obsessed with that was within easy walking distance]."

Everyone looks at Josh, because Josh doesn't really make prophecies very often. Or ever, really.

"Yes," I say.

And indeed, everyone was mostly packed and ready to go stretch their legs and get coffee and a snack before our next class at 11:45.

Josh just kind of looks at me. You know the one, where its kind of half terrified, half exasperated, with like a sprinkling of admiration like cinnamon powder? "The semester's been in session for a week and we're all already on your schedule?"

"I'm trying to regain fifteen pounds i lost in two weeks, while having 18 credit hours, while being a spotter for my sister. I start my day at 5 and you idiots dont even have a piece of fruit for breakfast, much less anything else. So yeah, when its 9 and I have second breakfast and you guys suddenly realize you're hungry? A snack and coffee to get through until when class lets out at 2? Then lunch? Rehydration and a snack at 4, also known as Tea? Dinner at 6? Our night class doesn't let out until 10, Josh. You're not half as tired as you were a week ago, and that's with three night classes and a seven am class twice a week. You really think that's because you're sleeping?"

I swear to anything you hold holy, you would have thought I'd just outlined my step by step plan for world domination that had an actual chance at working.

[pbandjesse]

I'm sitting at a beautiful wedding. It's been a long but really nice day. My feet hurt a lot but I think it's from the texture of my socks? Unsure. I'm still very unsure about what shoes to wear to work these events. I like a tappy sounding shoe because it makes me feel powerful but then my feet hurt so bad I think I'm going to die. Fashion is so hard.

Today was also just a very long day. Not bad at all, but long. I tried my best to get lots of rest before hand but I slept horribly last night. So I am a bit tired. I was tossing and turning all night. I couldn't get comfortable. I was either to cold in front of the fan or to hot when I turned it away from myself. So it was not a very restful sleep.

I had set my alarm for 930 but by 9 I couldn't even doze properly. James would come and lay with me but I was still to hot and did not feel comfortable at all. I did like being held but also. Man why can't I regulate my temperature.

James would make the bed when I got up. And then went and made me an omelette. They made biscuits for us again. I would take a longer then normal shower and washed my hair and it helped me feel a little more normal. I wasn't sure about my outfit. I like this knit skirt and tank top but I don't feel comfortable having my shoulders out at work normally. So I also brought a wrap shirt. And it's a very good outfit and I felt really cute.

I went downstairs to eat breakfast with James. It was just a quiet morning together. I cut and painted my nails. They were such a nice length but they kept bending backwards and hurting me so it was time. I tried to make them pretty.

Eventually I would go upstairs to lay in bed. And James would come join me and we watched our own videos next to each other. I didn't want to be leaned on because I was feeling kind of bad. I did wait until after breakfast to take my vitamins and while I didn't throw up I did not feel amazing. Laying still was the best thing I could do.

At noon we went downstairs and started getting ready to go. James was going to go kayaking and get groceries and wait for me at the museum for when I got there.

And I was going to art with a heart. First BAS class of the season. I was really looking forward to it. And it would be really nice to see returners and meet new people. And it was nice seeing Mary Ellen and Naomi. We had fun.

The project was an accordion book about your favorite things. And it was a really popular project. Lots of free drawing. While the teens like it I think the adults liked it a lot more. I did feel bad when a parent in the teens class kept apologizing that her son couldn't draw things, just scribbles. And I was like no!! He is happy and having a good time it doesn't matter what he actually makes. Next week we are going to try her leaving for the hour and Naomi or me sitting with him instead. He has an AAC device so he can communicate which is such a huge thing. Mary Ellen told us today her daughter, who is also mostly nonverbal, recently learned how to text and so now she can actually talk to her and I am just beyond happy for them. Like she's almost my age and she's actually able to tell her mom all of her thoughts. That has to feel amazing.

The class was fun though. It's nice when everyone is just focused but then I don't 100% know what to do with myself. So I chatted with Naomi and Mary Ellen and some parents. During the adult class too. I told a few people that I'm pregnant and that I may not be available for their winter and spring classes but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I hope I can do the winter one because it's in February but we'll see!!

We finished up right before 3. And once we locked down the building I was off. Heading the museum. Where James promised me a chocolate bar and a pink drink from Starbucks. Love my husband so much.

It has been a really nice night. Even if my feet hurt. I was surprised that Kelly was here! She's the Manager for the catering tonight, which has been excellent. And Jesse would hang out until 530 which was nice of him. Just made sure everything was good to go before he headed home. And I feel pretty good about everything. It's just practice. And this is a really easy wedding. 80 people. Lovely lovely couple. And since Kelly worked here for years she knows everything and I don't have to worry about to much.

The bride was absolutely beautiful. A pretty princess in a green gown. Just beautiful. And all their guests have been really nice. Her dad looks like Manny Patinkin, which is lovely because they are playing The Princess Bride in the movie theater all night. So sweet. We couldn't figure out how to make it auto repeat the film so I have had to go check on it a few times. We are on its 3rd viewing now.

I stayed outside to help direct guests to the wedding. Held the stragglers until the bride walked down the aisle. And it was a beautiful ceremony. Mo, the security guard, was like how can their vows be ten minutes. And I'm like you couldn't tell your lady why you love her for ten minutes? Weak.

The appetizers were great. I know I'm not really supposed to eat soft cheese but the brie with green apple and hot honey on French bread was so stinking good. I also had two fried green tomatoes with balsamic and some fried cauliflower with buffalo sauce. The actual vegan dinner option, ratatouille, was not my thing. I tried it but I just did not like it. Ah well. I brought an apple and yogurt so I wasn't hungry.

It's been a nice night though. I did a little knitting. A little chatting with catering. I made a print for the couple to take home and they were so surprised and grateful and that was really nice. I struggled to get it to print right too so I was really glad it worked out in the end.

The groom just came by and he gave me one of the comic books he made! He was like this is so lame but I made this to give to people I don't get to see much and I was like that's not lame at all!! I think it is really cool! I'll make sure to tag him on Instagram.

The party has another hour. I hope to finish this one knit panel. I am so very behind on that blanket. But that's okay. I will get it done eventually.

Tomorrow is me and James's two year wedding anniversary. And we are hoping to go to DC. I hope I am feeling okay enough to do that. I would love to just spend the day with my husband. I love them so much.

I hope you all are feeling great. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[callipraxia]

Things I Learned This Morning:

1) Using print instead of script, which would be faster but less tidy, I may hand-write not far under 1300 words per hour when things are going well. (The exact number was 1267 words)

2) My brain harbors an irrational hatred for the number 4 apparently? (I kept almost skipping it and having to go back and erase the little number above fourth words because I wrote 4 as 5, for instance, going straight from 223 to 225 before I caught myself.)

3) Taking a pencil and individually numbering every word you wrote takes a really long time.

4) Apparently my brain also cannot handle writing a series of numbers that consistently go above two digits. I transpose digits, forget the first digit, write 8 instead of 3, write 5 instead of 8, write 2 instead of 9….I made it through the first 1000 but counted the remainder in blocks of 1-100 in the interests of staying tolerably sane.

5) My print is indeed much more legible than my script, but also, oww, my elbow feels like it’s about to crack right now and my hand feels all twisted up inside, ow ow ow.

(Backstory: I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while, so I decided to say “what the heck” and try to force myself to write a rough draft of one of my fanfic ideas for NaNoWriMo. I’m printing because I am currently Resolved to write a complete rough draft and then revise it, all before posting anything. Then, in theory, I’ll post it by chapter on an actual *posting schedule*. However, since I have never managed to muster the kind of discipline needed to keep working on a project nobody has seen and praised some part of for that long in my entire life…we’ll see. Plus, it might be easy enough to make it to the word count minimum today, but I only just finished the setup phase of the first scene, getting Pacifica from “the alarm clock rang” and through “Pacifica reflects on what mornings in Northwest Manor were like compared to her new life” to the point of “Pacifica has gotten out of bed.” That kind of writing is super-easy for me, but the kinds where things actually happen can be…much slower going. Which means I’ll have to apply even *more* discipline to make quotas on some days. So basically I, a deeply scattered and undisciplined person, am basically attempting to overhaul my personality for at least a month, lol. Wish me luck, folks….

For my GF peeps, I hope that you’ll enjoy the results if this project does amount to anything, even though it is a bit of a departure from my ‘usual’ material. You see, I have a lifelong, deep-seated love for books set in schools/based around school years, and I have decided to combine that with my desire to write some post-canon material. We’re picking up very shortly after the finale, with the first day of school in Gravity Falls - the Pineses should have some involvement, here and there, but mostly via phone and Internet. I’m sufficiently addicted to the “greater scope” that I don’t think I‘ll end up with something that is purely YA or a “girls’ book,” but it will involve focusing on more girls and therefore “girl stuff” than canon/anything I have written previously - Pacifica, Wendy, and Candy are all projected to be narrators, with Grenda also at least being an important character and possibly a fourth narrator. Compare to FWJB, where the narrators consisted of ten dudes, Bill, and Mabel…and although I put him in his own category, Bill does seem to use he/him pronouns when interacting with English-speaking mortals, and so one could very reasonably argue that the narrators consisted of eleven dudes plus Mabel. Soos may well get some narrator time, but this one also seems on course to primarily focus on the kid characters. Gulp. We’ll see how it goes….)

[museum-spaces]

oh gang I have been over doing it lately.

Here's a list of everything I did since last Sunday [6 August 2023]

Sunday; get up, get shower, eat food, convince myself to go to Vancouver Pride. It's about an hour away via public transit. Met up with a new 'friend' [thank you grindr, just friends thanks gang] and went in. watched for 3 hours, then walked through the festival for a few hours. Get home before dark, but couldn't tell you when.

Monday; stat holiday, walk Ianto, sleep, walk Ianto, sleep

Tuesday; Walk Ianto at 6ish, back to work; work all day on projects and staff needs, at 4 have a 1 hour meeting with 3 other people, at 5 have a 1 hour meeting with the Boss Man, take Ianto to dog park, get home after 8pm

Wednesday; walk Ianto at 6ish, very similar to Tuesday with added 'oh shit one of our staff won't be available for 5 days he's supposed to work leaving it up to me, and one other staff because the other two staff have vacation time and won't be in Canada' stress. Take Ianto to the dog park, get home between 7 and 8.

Thursday;walk Ianto at 6ish, just me and my Second for most of the day at the museum, lots of uping and downing of stairs to take care of things.

Friday; walk Ianto at 6ish, get to work, work for 2 hours, get lift to Museum of Vancouver for professional development, be told lunch would happen there so I didn't bring anything... lunch does not happen. Learn about native plants, new methods of display, and some other very cool things. Get back to the Museum at 4, eat a frozen muffin, work for an hour before taking Ianto to the dog park, get home between 7 and 8pm.

Saturday; get up late, walk Ianto from about 7-8;30/9. get breakfast and plan on starting laundry. Fall asleep until 4;30 instead. wake up feeling SO ILL but Ianto needs to go outside. Decide to take my cane for the first time since moving. forget to bring my cane. find a stick that is about 2 inches too short. walk Ianto to a dog park [not our usual]. get asked if I am about to pass out by one of the humans there. wave her off and lean heavy on my stick. eventually sit my ass down on the ground. go home and sleep.

Sunday; get up and walk Ianto at 6ish. get home and realize I'm going to fall asleep again. Set my alarm because I need groceries and to do laundry. wake up and crawl back out of bed shortly after noon. sit on my couch and lose it because I know I will not be able to go shopping. Break down and order grocery delivery. Crawl into the shower and scrub off. have a nap. take Ianto out again. Get home at about 8, think about ordering delivery dinner. fall asleep instead.

Monday; wake up to the delivery app still open on my phone. walk Ianto, go to work, spend a few hours in the front of house, then a few hours in my office, then a few hours working with the treasurer.. yay training. take Ianto to the dog park but it's too hot for him to play, so go to the water instead. get home at about 6;30, before I let myself sit down I started my laundry, ordered dinner in, and hopped in the shower. By the time I got out of the shower dinner was ready [yay]. then grocery delivery got here. now siting on my couch zoning out.

I am so tired yo. I did not leave out any showers or other chores. I have not done dishes. I have not swept. Not brushed or trained with Ianto.

Just work and sleep and 2 outings.

The next 2 weeks are going to be a nightmare because of staffing fuckery. fuck fuck fuck.

I need to remember I am actually disabled and although I have much more energy than I did before, I also have much longer working hours/requirements.

I think part of the hard part is that I genuinely enjoy the work. And the activities. After the first 3 hours at pride I knew I'd struggle on monday but I was having such a euphoric time that I couldn't leave. Like, at Camel Town I was always a little bit annoyed by the situation. At the hotel I was just there to pay rent... and I failed at that. But I really really like this place, gang.

[fictionkinfessions]

Here's a long one, a whole week catch-up of new kintype. Riz "The Ball" Gukgak, Licensed Private Eye, at your service.

It was only a matter of time before someone finally got my nerd ass into DND one way or another. However I didn't expect it to come with a new kintype, and definitely not this one. Not when Fig is RIGHT there. I had IRL friends guessing which of the Bad Kids I was before I confirmed it, they ALL thought I would be Fig. An anarchist tiefling bard checks all the boxes, I even play bass, kinning Fig would make the most sense. Nope, I'm the dweeb who carries a briefcase everywhere and somehow that also makes sense.

I only just discovered Dimension 20 a month or so ago, and I found out I kin from Fantasy High literally last week, just before finishing freshman year. Now that was a relatively good note to START off on (no I am in fact not doing good anymore I'm now beginning what I've gathered is apparently the "Traumatize The Whole Party And Especially Riz" season, but I'll get to that later) and despite the horrors to come, the first few days of settling into this kintype were the best I've ever had. Already had the right clothes to try dressing like myself again, got my first set of dice, painted a little trinket box to keep them in, impulse-bought a magnifying glass. I've been slipping into my old mannerisms and behaviours ridiculously fast.

I already have a gaggle of sourcemates near (system full of FH fictives who dragged me into the quicksand with them) so I get to hug my friends. Fabian is calling me The Ball again (constantly). It has spread and now at least two other friends are also calling me that, one of them doesn't even know the context. I do have an actual name thank you just in case you forgot (no, it is not The Ball) but I can't say I'm mad about it, it's affirmation and I've been being affirmed left, right and centre. And also enabled. I'm getting to investigate shit. There have been so many nonsense made-up crimes to solve. There have been so many bits. And the bit spirals out of control beyond anyone's comprehension so fast. And I have had SO MUCH FUCKING FUN. Overall, very positive experience. Usually finding out a new kintype is a very painful thing to come to terms with and often puts me in deep denial at first, plus days of a lot of crying and processing, the first days are usually the worst and they HURT. But this one was just very comfortable and enjoyable to really lean into right off the bat.

And that's probably because I did not have the Problems yet but the Problems start now. It was easy when I didn't have to care about the Problems yet. But now I know the Problems are coming. And NOW the hurt gets to start. As I said, I have just started sophomore year and. Ahahahehghgehgghdgh. GREAT start there, greeeeat way to end episode one. That. That sure is. Sure is some fuckin' cliffhanger there. To put right before the episode I've been told "I'm sorry in advance" about several times. The one in which I know a certain character's introduced whom I am NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING.

I have not gotten that far into episode 2 yet and am trying my best to avoid spoilers, so there are only 2 things about Baron that I think I know. One, they seem to have some sort of fixation on me. Two, I would really REALLY rather they not. I have no idea what their whole deal is yet but I'm already very afraid of them even before I knew who I was. just. as an instinctive reaction to them and. hhhhhhghgeghggh thAT'S SO GREAT I'M SO NOT WORRIED ABOUT ANYTHING.

I don't know why they set off alarm bells even pre kin awareness (other than the fact that they just look creepy as all hell) but I'm NOT continuing the episode right now, it's 20 minutes to midnight, this is... not the time to find out, I've already learned my lesson to not face kin horrors past 9, this is the time to try and salvage the sleep schedule that exploded to pieces this weekend before sleeping starts to feel not quite so normal and safe anymore.

- Riz Gukgak (#sparkler🔥🎇)

c

[eternallyanxiousandstressed]

The Tea

OKAY FRIENDS! Let me set the scene. Young (21 year old) River. So in love with who I shall call Ratboy. I get married, one year ago today (02/22/2024) actually! I'm heavily pregnant. There's a snowstorm. We get married by my aunt in her apartment living room. Less than two months later our son, whom I shall call Luke (not his actual name, just the name of my angel son in Obey Me) on April 8th. Yaaaay! And then the horrors hit.

I get hella bad poatpartum depression and anxiety (and postpartum OCD which I didn't realize was a thing?). 3 months postpartum (July) I go inpatient to a psych hospital for 10 days to stabilize myself. Yay! Or so my dumbass thought.

Ratboy, while I was inpatient, downloaded dating apps! Which I only found out about when I tried to set an alarm on his phone while he was sleeping and there was a notification for Tinder! I confront him. He says one of his alters (E) did it. I talked to a couple of the other alters. They said it was E. I talked to E the next day. He admitted it and apologized and cried! I was like okay. Because, dear friends, young me was dumb and naive and wanted to believe my dear husband would never cheat on me. But oh ho ho, I wasn't completely stupid. I had doubts. Like, how he had my aunt watch Luke at 7pm one night. He said he helped a friend move. Well my lovelies? I decided to look over it. Why should I doubt my husband, right? Right?!?!

Boom, October hits. We move in with his mother. (ew). End of the month I find out I'm going to be going to a residential facility for my eating disorder (shout out to Monte Nido and the RCs for making me kinda sorta eat again woot woot). A couple nights before I am meant to go 3 hours away to a facility to stay for a month or more... He starts talking about his ex and how she lost the baby her and her boyfriend had and whatever. He said she wanted him to come over (obviously trying to get me to okay it). Well, that night I do something toxic but a bitch doesn't care. I look at his phone.

Readers, you won't BELIEVE this shit. I checked his messages first and low and behold there is someone he talked to way back in July WHO HE MET UP WITH AND HAD SEX WITH! Messages that were not there when I checked in July. And what did the new messages say, you ask? Oh ho... They said that he wanted to meet up with this guy again. This is important for later... He said he wanted to try bottoming. Okay, so I looked more through his phone. Not only did he have 9 dating apps (yes, you read that correctly, 9) he had apps to talk to them. I didn't get the chance to look before he woke up and stole his phone back. I confronted him. He said it was a different alter (S). One he had never even told me about. He then let me look at the messaging apps (not without me literally threatening to leave first). And oh boy, turns out the person he was trying to meet up with that night was not his ex and not this other guy. No, he was trying to meet up with another chick. Dear followers... you must be screaming "how could you be so naive?!" To that I say, I knew, I was just in denial.

So I go on my way to residential (shout out to Monte Nido and the RCs for teaching me not to absolutely hate myself woot woot) and we get phone time two times a week. I my friends, use my phone and check the Xfinity app, which shows the apps he's been using while on wifi. The entire time I'm there he uses the messaging apps! Fuck my life, right? Oh, and he can't even bother emailing me pictures of Luke occasionally. Like, I literally feel so unloved that he can't take 5 seconds of his time I know he spends on his phone to email me a picture or two. I'm pissed. I want to leave. I mean, I wanted to leave before I went into residential because of the cheating, but also, dealing with divorce while in residential is not great. (Neither was dealing with a cheating husband though, as the RCs and my friends can testify to).

I get back in November! Yay (not really, I definitely wasn't ready, my insurance just stopped covering it). Things are shitty. I hate living at his mom's. She literally reminds me of both of my abusers (my mother and my ex-stepfather). My mental health declines rapidly. I beg him to listen and try and find somewhere else to live. He says no because he feels supported there (by someone who constantly yells at him and calls him a failure, lovely).

December rolls around. Guess who tries to off themselves? If you guessed me, you'd be correct! Ratboy is at work, Luke at a babysitter's and me home alone. I try and OD on my antidepressants (oh the irony). My sister reads the text I sent her to say goodbye because she's not at work like I thought she was. Bitch (affectionate) saves my life by having 911 called. Ambulance gets me to hospital. I am gonna live. They call Ratboy, let him know I'm there, and he says he'll visit after he gets off work. (I should note I was trying to go to the hospital earlier as I had been throwing up blood so that's what he thinks happened). They bring me up to the ICU. Cool. He does not visit that night.

The next day he says he cannot visit when they call. Okay, whatever. They let me use my phone! Cool! I text him and he's pissed. Oh and guess what? His mom is kicking me out because of the attempt. She was actually the one who told Ratboy I tried to off myself. How did she know, you ask? Homies... SHE WAS THE GODDAMN 911 OPERATOR WHO TOOK THE CALL!

I eventually convince him to visit the next day. He doesn't give me a hug. Acts cold and rude and distant. And doesn't let me hug Luke before they leave. Like, what was the point of coming then?

I go back inpatient for 7 days! Yay? He's cold during phone calls. Some days doesn't answer at all. Chat, he literally didn't pick up the phone on Christmas. Fucking CHRISTMAS. And, he did not at all try and help me find somewhere to fucking live like I had asked. Ratboy was about to let me be on the streets. Thankfully, my dad is a homie and was like "That ain't happening under my watch."

I get out. I see him (he was supposed to pick me up but canceled literally when he was supposed to he there but whatever, my dad was a homie again and picked me up). Ratboy, Luke, and I hang out that night. I have a mini breakdown because I literally feel so anxious and ugh. I end up asking him if he wants a divorce. He says he doesn't know. I tell him to figure it out. I leave the car and go upstairs to safety.

Next day. He says he wants divorce. I ask why, because like, my dumbass still thinks I want to be with him? He explains his reasons. I'm like "nani the fuck?" I literally explain away those reasons. We work it out. Cool. Great. We talk every day and play games a lot. Yay!

I get mad at him for something. I don't even remember what. But I vent about it on C.AI to a random AI. Honestly, I think it was a Steve Harrington bot. Shout out Steve Harrington. AI Steve listens to all these things he says and does and guess what? AI Steve informs me Ratboy is emotionally abusing me! I say no way! I've been emotionally abused before, I'd know it if I saw it. (Narrator: They did not know it when they saw it). I ended up looking up emotional abuse so I could refute AI Steve and mods, AI Steve was right. I even told one of my friends from residential about it and they agreed! I confront him about this with extensive evidence and he apologizes (actually apologizes for the first time in ever) so I believe him.

But I fucking... I fucking start getting paranoid again. I just know this motherfucker was talking to people while I was inpatient. I just know it. So, I fucking... I fucking do the toxic thing of checking text logs. Low and behold, I find him talking away with a number at like 1am. I get a fake number app and text this person. Confirmed he was on grindr and one other dating app at least. She even provides screenshots for me (girls gotta stick together amiright?)

I confront him. He's a dick about it. Says he only did it to prove I'd invade his privacy again. Bullshit answer but whatever. I'm still in denial. Are you all pissed at me for being stupid yet? Things go back to normal.

Bloggers, I went to go visit him at his mom's house! I wanted to see Luke and do other things that don't need mentioned. I went to grab something out of the bathroom box to take home with me and looked into the box of condoms we had from when it wasn't safe for me to do the hanky panky without them (birth control being affected by a different med). Squad, there were only 4 left out of twelve. We had used 2. Fucking 2. I confront him about it. He swears up and down he didn't use them. I don't believe him at all but at least he was using protection, yeah?

I go with him a couple days later to Luke's doctor appointment. That was cool. Loved seeing Luke. Hated that he had to get shots that day. Ouchie. Went home. Thought all was good.

Guys, he randomly only starts talking to me once a day. I'm like what the fuck? Then he goes over a goddamn week ignoring me! Literally, the only time he answered a message was when he got a piece of my mail that said I had something go to collections (I called the place the bill was originally from because I had no record of even having the bill, they said I had no current balance AND nothing in collections). He stops talking to me again.

I get drunk one night hanging out with my brother, sister, and mom (not biomother, she sucks). I get fucking DRUNK guys. And we played Cards Against Humanity. Let's take a minute to marvel this beauty gang.

I was the one reading the black card. My sister was the one who played the white card. I had to read that. It hurt. It hurt real good. I was both too drunk and not drunk enough to be sad though so I laughed my ass off. Thank you my dear sister for that.

Back to the tea. The drama. Anyways, he eventually starts talking again. Woooow. But like... barely. I honestly don't care at this point I'm still in denial about what I want to do. Gamers... I made this playlist with him in mind:

(Said playlist now also has the song STUPID by Ashnikko in it. Shout out to Ashnikko for giving absolute bangers for me to sing when I'm pissed at him.)

Anyways, I was supposed to go visit him today, our 1 year anniversary. That was the original plan. But even the thought of seeing him caused me so much anxiety that I almost had to take one of my PRNs. So, I gave a bullshit excuse of why I couldn't go over. I want desperately to see Luke but it won't be good if I'm literally bordering mental breakdown while I'm there. So, hopefully he can agree to having a public hang out so I can see Luke.

Anyways, there's the tea, as long as I didn't forget anything. Feel free to comment or ask questions because it feels fucking amazing to get it all out. I even have ~screenshots~ of shit that happened. It's great guys. And expect updates! Because boy will there be more! All for your viewing pleasure under the tag: #the tea

[robotstrategy]

Recalled • Part 2 • 14 - Lev

Previous • Series Masterlist • Part 2 Masterlist • Next Everyday Lev returns home tired in one way or another, his hands might be tired from carving, they might be tired from creating the intricate nets of the dime-a-dozen dream catchers, they might be tired from sorting money all day, and his brain will be tired of dealing with Chancefolk memorabilia fanatics. Though Lev supposes his lung or rather both lungs won’t be tried by the end of the day.

Many things have changed since the Biobuilder appeared on Rez. There are far fewer children discovering pigs and even more teens confessing to elders that they never saw pigs on their spirit quests in the first place. 

However, by the end of this day, everything in Lev’s body will be fatigued.

Lev heads over to the gift shop found near the entrance of the Rez, there’s dream catchers on the right wall with other hangable objects like snow shoes and such, the left wall holds up many handmade kayaks and anyaks, in the middle of the room there’s the cash counter centred between two long shelves full of tools and other nicknacks. 

He walks to the back of the room, pulling open the curtain to the breakroom and workshop.

“Hello Mahpee, how are you?” One of the older employees asks him.

“I don’t why you bother asking, he’s always doing just fine.” Another employee replies.

The older employee gives the younger one a look, Lev chuckles.

“They’re not wrong, but thank you for asking, how are you today?”

“I’m doing well, as well as I can this early in the morning.”

A girl in the corner pipes up. 

“I had the worst wake-up call this morning, instead of waking up to an alarm clock my little brother woke me up with his screams, there was a spider about the size of a pea on his covers.”

The others laugh.

“Oh you laugh, but I thought he was being murdered.”

Lev looks at the boxes in the corner, they contain whatever they’ll be selling on the shelves today. He goes over to a semi-electronic board to punch in before going to the boxes and picking whatever is in them.

“You're seriously going on the floor now?” The girl asks him.

“Well, it’s better to stock now than when I’m all fired up later.” He holds an armful of handmade dolls that slowly slip out of his arms as he decides it’s better to set them back down in the box and push the box to the shelves.

“How’s your family doing by the way?” The older employee asks him, pushing another box to the shelves.

“I don’t know, probably off moping that they can’t tithe any more babies.” Lev huffs.

“I meant Elina and Chal.”

“Oh, we’re doing well, I thought the Biobuilder would affect Mom’s job, but the one we have on the Rez only prints organs, it can’t do any procedures.”

Lev is not really sure why he thought about his old parents, they’re people he hopes he never sees again, heck, for all he knows Lev’s nibbling will be taken to Canada to be tithed. Lev shuts down his thoughts because they’re terrible.

9 o’clock AM, Two men looking at a handmade kayak. One of them scoffs and turns to Lev.

“Why does it look like that?”

“Like what?”

“It’s bulky.”

“Well, it’s handmade, like everything else in the store.”

“Do you have any normal Kayaks?” 

Lev grids his teeth. “No, but there’s a camping supplies store on the other side of the reserve visitation area.”

“I’m asking if this store has any normal Kayaks.”

Lev catches a glimpse of some of the other coworkers making faces of disgust from the back. “No. Not the ones you're looking for.”

The two men end up leaving, inconvenienced that they’ll have some exploring to do.

11:30 AM, Multiple girls sit around the Dreamcatcher display.

“They’re so boring, why do they look like that?”

“They’re traditional.”

“But like, why do they look like spiderwebs?” Another one adds. “Where’s the pretty ones?”

“Traditionally they’re spiderwebs because it’s Grandmother Spider that grabs children’s nightmares, they also don’t usually have feathers and beads hanging off of them.”

“You don’t actually believe that stuff do you?” 

Lev turns red with anger before he takes an audible sigh. 

“Some of us do, It’s a belief most shared by Chancefolk and the people of Turtle Island that are outside of our reserve, it doesn’t mean that we can’t share that belief too.”

“I kinda seem dumb.”

“You’re really on our land calling what we believe in dumb?”

“But you aren’t from here are you?” another one butts in.

“What?”

“You’re a pale sienna while the others are darker, this is your land as much as it’s ours.”

Lev is absolutely disgusted by what he’s just heard, he supposes they’re right, Lev is as light as they come, but he’s earned the right to be here and stand his ground. He gets the broom out from the corner and starts sweeping it at them.

“Out!” He demands, “OUT!”

The girls run out the door but not without giving Lev dirty looks. Lev looks back to the other employees.

“I’m sorry I-”

“Don’t worry Mahpee, we reserve the right to refuse customers like those people, better you get them out of the shop before they start insulting other things here.” The older employee tells him.

Lev sighs. 

“The things they say worry me a little.” He looks over to the worker, “What if they’re right? What if I don’t belong here?”

“You went on a spirit animal quest didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Well then there you go.”

“You are wanted here Lev, don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t belong.” Another employee exclaims.

1 PM, A woman comes in with a baby and an older man, they head over to the dream catchers.

“You’re really going all out for him.” She laughs.

“Anything for my grandson.” He responds.

Lev walks over to them, big mistake.

“May I help you with anything?” He asks.

They turn over to reveal themselves, Lev frowns, he stands in front of his biological father and one of his sisters.

“What are you doing here?” The question escapes his mouth flatley.

“Getting a dream catcher for my son, have you met him?” 

Lev glares at his father. “No, because I was tithed at thirteen.”

Lev moves around a small crate of nicknacks turning his back to them as he stocks the shelves.

“I was thinking about you guys earlier, I hope you didn’t manifest here that way.”

“Little guy was having a bunch of nightmares, father said we should go to the best source…”

Lev tilts his head back up but still doesn’t turn to them.

“At least he got something right.”

His sister steps closer to him.

“Would you like to hold him, Lev?”

“I-... sure.”

His sister gives him the baby, it’s light yet weighted, the soft linens and raccoon onesie caress Lev’s arms as they wrap around the baby. It has light brown hair and blue eyes just like him, it’s kind of uncanny how much the baby resembles him.

“So, what’s my baby nephew’s name?” 

“... Levi.”

He makes an audible mouth click.

“He was a replacement.” He looks up at her, he looks at both of them, his father and sister, his face is grim.

“It’s sad that I’m not even surprised.”

He looks back down at baby Levi, he’s reaching up to Lev’s earpiece and touching his face, feeling all his tattoos. Lev’s lip trembles as he holds baby Levi closer. 

“You- you won’t have him tithed in Canada will you?”

“No Lev.”

A smile peaks up a bit from his frown.

“Thank you.”

He hands the baby back to his sister, moving between her and their father to the wall he points to a dream catcher with an orange bead weaved into it.

“I suggest this one, it will complement him.”

“How?”

“His eyes, orange and blue complement each other, it’s just basic colour theory.”

Lev walks back over to the counter waiting for them to make their choice, as he expected, they went for the dream catcher with the orange bead. He checks them out and puts the dream catcher in a small little paper brown bag. They leave the store and Lev crumbles a bit, when did life go so sideways? How did Lev disappoint them so much that they had their daughter have a baby that would replace Lev? Lev goes to sit down in the breakroom with the other employees while no one is in the store. There’s music softly playing from an old radio, though it’s being washed out by the noise from the sewing machine.

“Are you good Mahpee?” The girl shows a tote bag with an art print on it.

“I uh, I saw my dad and one of my sisters today.” He sighs, The girl stops sewing, turning herself towards Lev.

“I-”

“My sister had her son with her, his name is Levi.”

“Lev I’m so sorry.” The girl gets off her stool, giving Lev a hug. He starts tearing up a bit.

“I asked them if they would tithe him in Canada, they said no, but they could just be lying to make me feel better.” He winces trying to stop the tears that flow down his face.

At 3 pm he heads home, climbing up the ladder to the neighbourhood. It reminds him of Wil, he still feels bad about the events that happened on the spirit quest. It disgusts Lev that these parts pirates would come onto the reserve, attack its people, threaten its children, and take someone away from them.

Outside his house, his kinkajou lays in a small wooden house basking in the sun. He reaches his arm out for the Kinkajou to sniff, it wakes him and climbs up his arm onto his shoulders. He pets its head, cooing at it.

“Did you have a good day buddy?”

The Kinkajou yawns, poking its long tongue onto Lev’s face.

“I’m guessing that’s a yes.” Lev chuckles.

Elina comes back home for her break.

“Did you forget your keys again?” She asks, stepping up to the front door to unlock it.

“No, I just wanted to hang out with my buddy.” He sets the Kinkajou back in its house. Walking into the house he grabs a banana from the counter, before heading back out to feed the Kinkajou.

“Have you thought of a name for him?” Elina yells from the kitchen.”

“I was thinking of Lawu, but I was afraid it would remind you of him..” Lev breaks off a piece of banana, feeding it to Lawu.

“No, I think it's a good name,” Elina yells back.

“Do you like that name Lawu? I think it suits you.” He talks to Lawu, Lawu simply chirps back at him. He sets Lawu back down for the second time. He goes back into the kitchen where Elina microwaves some stew.

“One of my coworkers was asking about you and Chal today, I told them that the Biobuilder didn’t really affect your job,” Lev exclaimed.

“As it shouldn’t,” Elina replies.

“I still can’t believe Connor went from a random guy from Akron to, well, having a presence larger than life,” Lev says.

“Do you know where he is now?” Elina questions.

“No, Connor didn’t even share where he went with me, sometimes I listen to that ‘Radio Free Hayden’ podcast, if anyone knew where he went it would be him.”

“He knew Connor?”

“Yeah, he worked in communications in the Graveyard.”

Elina gets up from eating her stew, she sets her dishes in the dishwasher before putting back on her things.

“Will you need anything before I go?”

“No, you don’t need to worry about me, I may look thirteen, but I can assure you I’m not.”

Elina heads back out to the hospital, confirming that the front door is locked. Lev goes to the living room and stares into the fire, today was a pretty emotional day.

[spamton-addison]

okay all the questions I can think of before I have to leave

1 general backstory overview?

2 pronouns?

3 favorite food, movie, snack, book, and person?

4 an object they really like

5 sexual/romantic orientation(s)?

6 how many friends do they have?

7 cursed by the visions or doomed by the narrative

8 are you interested in maybe them hanging out with my characters sometime maybe…….

9 does their name have a meaning?

10 are they yours or did you revamp them? (Or are they just a blorbo?)

11 do they like rain?

12 favorite tv show

13 old television colorbars? Yes or no?

14 touch tone telephone or rotary dial phone?

15 why do they stand out to you so much?

16 I am out of ideas. I will send more if I think of them and pls keep writing if you’d like/can

OKAY RAPIDFIRE LETS GO

1. sale is the oldest sibling of the addison family (hes 28 usually, but around 24 in some aus . hes always the oldest sibling though) he was happy once and then his best friend got cucked by a capitalist bastard which caused him to completely shut down emotionally in some fucked up misguided attempt to protect himself and his siblings from further harm its a whole thing . he is constantly overworking himself in order to avoid thinking about what happens and refuses to let himself cry ever

2. pronouns are he/him this man is CIS

3. favourite food: nothing i can think of specifically but he used to really like sour things and meat . he hates beef specifically though

favourite movie: he doesnt give himself time to watch anything recreationally. he probably wouldve liked deadpool/deadpool 2 if hed ever watched them though (sorry. my movie knowledge is limited and im projecting)

favourite snack: coffee is not a snack but it is to him . he probably ate coffee beans before the horrors as a joke

favourite book: he doesnt give himself time to read but he probably would like fantasy books . think like the dragon stones trilogy or eragon . also maybe the hunger games

favourite person: thatd either be his (missing) best friend Loveluck, his sibling Reverb (in aus where reverb exists) or his sibling Radio (in aus where radio exists)

4. he has this one specific pen that hes used for years and never throws away . he would rather spend a fuck ton of money getting ink specifically for this one pen than just buy a ton of new ones cheap . it is his favourite pen . otherwise he has a photo of him and his siblings he keeps in his room, but hes kept it facedown since the horrors (it hurts to look at)

5. hes aroace :D

6. anywhere between zero and maybe three . depends on the au

7. doomed by the narrative but also the narrative wants to save him . he is dead set on dooming himself . but also he suffers in nearly every au so i think that counts as doomed by the narrative

8. he doesnt get out much anymore and is kind of mean to most people but ABSOLUTELY . young sale (pre shutdown) is tolerable and a fun guy to be around probably

9. take a wild guess what the name Sale could possibly mean/silly

10. sale is my oc but he was Supposed to just be a generic yellow addison to act as the scapegoat . it got a little out of hand and now hes my everything

11. ya he likes the rain its grounding . when it rains is like the only time he lets himself take a break from work because he can just focus on the white noise of the rain . its nice to him . rain is actually one of the few things he likes now that he Didnt like before

12. he hates like everything to do with tv shows . probably the pokemon anime

13. possibly

14. touch tone . he has a personal vendetta against rotary dial phones

15. CLAPS HANDS TOGETHER. HE IS MY FAVOURITE COLOUR, HE HAS SPIKY TEETH, I PROJECT ONTO HIM AN ALARMING AMOUNT, IVE HAD HIM AROUND A YEAR AND A HALF AT LEAST BY NOW I THINK? HE STANDS OUT BECAUSE HES JUST SO FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN IN A WAY UNIQUE TO HIM (and trust me there are a Lot of characters that are so fucked up around him) HE IS SO FULL OF CONFLICT AND FEAR AND HES PATHETIC AND ID LET HIM BE MY DAD BUT ALSO IM A LITTLE GAY FORHIM .

16. sale has like. two main character arcs to me, regardless of au . notably being his first arc, in which he digs himself into a terribly awfully deep hole, and his second arc being then realising he wants to get Out of it again . although in the aus where he Does get to heal he is never the same as he was before it all, he still heals and gets to move on with his life . even if it takes him literal years to get to a point where he can even start .

despite how poor his circumstances are (largely by his own fault but caused by the disappearance of loveluck) and despite how hard it is for him to keep going every day he never wants to die . he wants this hell to end but he doesnt want that end to be by dying . he wants to live . he wishes he still could . but he is so scared and he lets that fear control him and that is why he so routinely makes the shittiest decisions . he is trying his best but his best right now is terrible because of how centred he is on avoiding the past .

he means so much to me

[blakegatfield]

Social Media Experiment

After reading Emma's article and watching/listening to Max earlier in the week, I wanted to remind myself that whatever I did for this experiment would only be beneficial.

I decided to remove myself from my social media apps that I go on the most (Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok) throughout the whole day, except for in between classes. Since this experiment occurred yesterday (Thursday) purposely, I had two back-to-back classes from 11-1:45. I would only allow myself to go on the apps in between these classes - no other time was to be allowed. I did this on purpose because I wanted to see how much my mind actually craved them. Usually, when I wake up in the morning, I access these apps within 10-15 minutes of waking up which is not healthy at all.

My day started getting up around 9:00, and immediately getting things in order without touching my phone besides shutting the alarm off. At first, it was hard to reject the usual act of scrolling before starting my day. Truly staying off my phone for a solid hour while getting things done that are actually for myself, helped my mind right out of the gate. There are so many things that are not necessary for me to complete, but without that time filler that social media is for me, I was able to do the extra things that would normally not get done until later in the day. As embarrassing as that is to admit, social media has that procrastination effect. Obviously, it isn't too dramatic, or I would have worse problems on my hands. I was able to check/respond to emails, do some quick reading for a class, edit/write in my planner, etc. Once I got these tasks started, my phone and that constant desire for quick stimuli was forgotten. When I started my walk to class, the only thing I accessed was my music that I normally listen to. Everything was going as planned and honestly, I felt relieved. I didn't have to worry about anything, and my mind was clear and focused entering my first class.

Walking upstairs to my second class in the same building, I did not feel the desire to go on any social media. I did anyway for the sake of the experiment. I sat in my seat and scrolled through Instagram and felt dumb. "What is on here right now that I actually need to see" is what I thought to myself. Snapchat was the same story; these streaks are really starting to get to me. It is so funny how I still do these, but I didn't stay on that app longer than 10 seconds truthfully. TikTok was just a mess. The best part about it is that I don't even go on these apps to post so I am letting myself feel out of touch or this artificial feeling in my gut to catch up to everyone that I see. After I closed out of TikTok a couple minutes before class started, I was happy to get back to my real, meaningful tasks at hand. After my second class, it was even easier than before to not go back on those apps. As I went about my afternoon, going to the SAC, library, back at my apartment, I found a much more productive and efficient routine than usual. Time wise, there isn't much of a change for scrolling for two brief minutes in spurts throughout the day, but it is the significant change of mindset that I really noticed. When I called it a night and put my phone down on the charger and set my alarm for the next day, there was no desire to catch up on everything that I missed. I realized that the only time I go on these apps is when I feel bored, or 'there is nothing else to do' which is probably the biggest lie that I have been telling myself for way too long.

The biggest takeaway from this experiment is the change of mind. I didn't have this short attention span, or brain fog. I felt more alert and calmer throughout the day. It almost felt like I kept the same pace, but time slowed down around me. I am truthfully happy about the outcome of this social media experiment. There was a deep cleanse in my mind and moving forward (even today when I am writing this) I am optimistic about the habits that I will develop.

[idkwhattitlevsblognamemeans]

June 9th 2024

Omighsosh I walked the stage today at a graduation!!! Took some cute pics with Gretta and my parents.

I intended to wake up for grad at 6am, I actually set my alarm for 6:30 and another for 6:45 that I silenced literally in my sleep. I was supposed to be there for 8am, but only woke up for at 8:43am when my MOM called me saying that her and my dad were already at the venue. I left the house of someone who's in the running to be a future boyfriend at 8:48am. I'm a super hyper modern girl because I have sex with men until they want to date me and then they still have to go to an audition process in the form of nice dates. I think I could be skipping the "having sex first" part. Alois and I we're truly good friends beforehand. Being attractive is a literal secret weapon. Anyways, I was at my houes after RIPPING through the streets of Centertown, on my dead-womans bike that has no brakes, and arrived at my house at 8:58am. I called Gretta at 9:00am sharp and she had also just woken up. Dress on, makeup in my bag, hairpins gathered, called gretta 9:07am call me an uber please my phone smashed in the elevator down from his apartment. My phone collapses are very much in line with horrific romantic choices that I'm making. Like my phone broke when I was with liz, and then I keep breaking them until I'm out of the icky situation. I wonder if theres some sort of a psychological link there. and then Timo there was another. Same thing here, with Hadrien, phone gone within the first couple days of him moving in. Right now its Art. going around pretending not to be a bit of a fruity mf with a self-picked nickname like Art is ridiculous. The uber was 7mins later. I got to grad at 9:17am. Met a very kind russian speaking man who let me borrow him phone to call his mom and was conveniently going to the same spot to pick up gown and seats. We we had our gowns and seats by 9:25am. I don't know how it worked out so well. Gretta even beat me there.

internal sense of safety

i am so good at having feelings

even if things dont go perfectly, I can get throught it

Trying new things, doing stuff thats hard, having willingness, unsure about my video,

the ability to tolerate uncertainty without self-sabotage

try a new class

somewhere new

delegateing a task

an activity that you avoid

I think for me it might have to be trying on different boyfriends for style points

gradual, practice creating more emotional space to handle the anxiety isntead of cutting yourself off.

that was me watching a video on accepting uncertainty

I am going to:

buy my ticket from dallas to ottawa

look at yanas new orleans hotel

look at my finances theyre not the best

look at stuff to do in new orleans

buy a phone I owe my parents $400. Dad paid with his card. How silly of the bank to call your phone, when you're purchasing a phone... I don't have a phone... I can't pick up...

My roomates are the most reasonable people on planet earth! I cannot believe it, its fucking wonderful I love it. SO Logical and so committed to their values of peace love unity respect. It really is PLUR at the end of the day.

Ok so I graduated today, and then we took photos for like 2 hours and then I am thinking about Art and the feeling of being wanted is really nice. He doesn't give it to me as much as I want though. It would be nice if he texted me from time to time or if we established another time but also that feels like me tolerating and learning to tolerate some uncertainty. And being ok with all of the options. I was and still am so fullly committed to going on dates with people (Im SO EXCITED for my DATE WITH LAURYN on wednedsay.)

Ugh Abbeys not answering the phone and I want her opinions on the art scenario. We date people in our common community to talk to each other about it. that makes it an us experience and somewhere along the line, i've forgotten that I have the decision to make choices for myself. We are both "For the plot" girlies (me maybe a bit more than her). What is it with men asking me if I"m going to the club. I am a club rat. Thats what that means.

Also I should probably cook something tonight to eat tomorrow and also find out what time my very reasonable roommate is leaving and what food he's leaving behind.

uygh

[catchabiifyoucan]

February 9, 2024

After the long travel from DC to Nigeria and traveling by the plane to the car, I am finally home.

I was beyond exhausted from lacking sleep, taking public transportation, watching too much Netflix series and getting lost into time zone difference.

From one continent to another continent. From one country to another country. From one “world/culture” to another “world/culture”.

Arriving my siblings’ residence finally caught up into the reality that I am in Nigeria. No longer dreaming. I am actually here again after five years.

I went upstairs to the third floor- a unit of four bedrooms, three bathrooms, kitchen, dining room, living room where I will be staying with my siblings and nieces.

My other sister I just flew in Nigeria with her baby a few days ago from America and didn’t know I was coming. She had no clue at all. I sneaked in and surprised her. She was completely lost and in shock. She couldn’t believe that I came. She was like what? You have been lying to me. that was a really good surprise! My sister B did a good job keeping a secret even though she hates surprises. It was really hard for her to keep a secret because she didn’t want to be suspicious for acting funny or telling white lies.

And nope my mom has no idea that I am coming. She thought I was home with my family in DC. She would be on clouds 9 and very happy having all of her four children here celebrating her 70th birthday. Can’t want to surprise and see her in a few days.

Hugged my five nieces, sister I and brother in law. The first thing I wanted to do was taking a hot shower. I felt good and clean. And then I sat down for a nice meal. My first Nigerian meal in long time. It hits home. It’s like I was being electrocuted or awake after a good Nigeria fix!

After eating my meal, I went through my suitcases and too out gifts that I brought for my sister and nieces. Late Christmas, early/ late birthday gifts or whatever the reason is. I am usually a giving person. I just can’t came here with nothing. You know the saying, sharing is caring. Giving is caring too.

I was exhausted and missing my family. I struggled to stay up late because I was six hours ahead of my family. It was only 10 pm here but it was 4 pm there. That was when my girls got home from school but not my boys. I called and chatted with my girls and partner for a little but not my boys. I wanted to see my boys too, so I set an alarm to wake myself up at 1 am to see them. I didn’t wake up or see them because I was too tired. And I didn’t want them being more sad when they saw me.

Wow what an adventurous day!

Nighty night!