#i actually don't know what type of thing it'll be

[mantis-lizbian]

okay, y'know what? let's go into this same. ignoring all the rules in 5e that i think are dumb, an itemized list with explanations. obviously, my list won't necessarily be the same as everyone's, but it'll illustrate the problem with suggestion in a practical sense, not just as a structural critique from the standpoint of game design, which i know a lot of people don't actually care about.

bare in mind that these are going to be criticisms with regards to the kind of game D&D 5e is and wants to be, and are largely going to use other editions of D&D as points of comparison, rather than other TTRPGs as a whole, just because to do so i feel could easily approach "i want a game about a witch looking for lost pets in the Alps" type stuff. no sense in criticizing D&D for not being Monsterhearts or GURPS, after all.

classes are too simple. any given berserker barbarian is functionally indistinguishable from another. for some classes, even different archetypes don't offer enough variation from each other to feel meaningfully distinct. here's a challenge: take your party of four and make an entire 6th-level party using only one class in each of 3.x, 4e, and 5e. depending on the class you choose, you may have more or less difficulty, but in two of those, you generally can manage to make four characters who can all function in a party together without feeling like clones of each other, and perhaps even able to actually complement each other.

classes are too complicated. for the most part, AD&D, BECMI, OD&D and the like, classes only have a couple of fairly basic features, most of which are granted from 1st level. this means that if a character dies, you can roll up a brand new one and jump straight back into play that same session. not being able to do this makes everyone, even the GM, resistant to allowing a character to die, defanging one of the only meaningful consequences to losing combat inherent to the mechanics.

battle master fighters restrict everyone's options in combat. if you're playing a melee combatant, there's very little you can do apart from run up to your chosen enemy and smack them in the face with your weapon until they die. disarming, feinting, tripping... these were all things any character could do in 3e, as outlined by the rules, and these things were possible in AD&D and the like because they weren't explicitly spelled out in the mechanics. the GM is free to adjudicate how to handle these maneuvers as they see fit, but because they aren't explicitly granted to a specific kind of character, they aren't implicitly denied to everyone else.

ability scores do not matter outside of Dexterity and whichever one your class cares about, and specific circumstances dependent on which saves are being targeted. 4e did start this, but even it made a conscious effort to make every class care about at least two scores alongside Dexterity, outside of saves. in AD&D, every score determined a number of things independent of your class (with the exception of Intelligence and Wisdom, if you weren't a spellcaster). and 3e required you to spend character resources (feats, specifically) to do things like use Dexterity on melee attack rolls, and even then it couldn't be added to damage, so there was still value to Strength even if you fought exclusively using daggers. all of this results in making it so that if you're using point-buy to determine ability scores, there is no meaningful mechanical consequence you can count on having to contend with for dropping every score to 8 so you can pump the ones you care about up to their maximum (in fact, i suspect that 5e makes point-buy cap out at 15 specifically to prevent players from doing exactly this to pump their two important scores to 18). unless you're a barbarian, even Constitution isn't as important as it should be, given the ingrained hesitancy 5e's design creates towards letting characters die.

only a couple of feats are actually better than taking the ability score boost, until you hit that cap of 20. even fewer are ever going to be meaningfully applicable to the same character as another, meaning that altogether, depending on what you were able to boost your class's main ability score to, by level 12 or so... you're likely to feel like meaningful pickings are slim for what to do with your remaining ASIs. it also becomes clearly apparent that the reason feats are an optional replacement for an ASI isn't so much an attempt to simplify the game compared to 3.x's notorious endless ocean of feats to wade through, and more about just having something to do with those ASIs after reaching 20 in your main score.

due to free Dex-to-damage, the only reliable consequence of a low Strength score left is encumbrance. which is often the first rule players choose to ignore, and even if they don't... an 8 Strength is still enough to wear full plate, and carry a pike and heavy crossbow and still having plenty of carrying capacity for a decent amount of random loot. so yeah... this is a rule that even if you aren't ignoring it, the rules are doing plenty to avoid it ever coming up anyway.

skills offer a great way to flesh out who your character is outside of "someone who rages" or "someone who chucks fireballs". unfortunately, your class still fully defines these things, outside of the two you get from your background, or if you choose to spend one of your feats/ASIs on gaining another three. at which point, you're probably going to have proficiency in more than half of all the available skills.

several excellent designers have gone into a number of other issues with D&D 5e's skills, from how overwhelmingly important ones like Perception are, how laughably irrelevant others are, and the issues in figuring out how to make good use of the knowledge and Investigation skills.

resting is... so... a lot of classes have nothing to do with a short rest. one time, i was playing as a warlock in a group that only ever took long rests because no one else got anything from just taking a short rest. which meant that the warlock essentially only had 2 spells per day. granted, this didn't mean nearly as much as it should thanks to cantrips, but i'll get to that later. so yeah, short rests were introduced in 4e where every class got equal value from them, and so they were more reliably used.

crafting is pointless. the example it gives of making a suit of plate armor taking 300 days means that it would take an entire year to make something that you're likely to find or at least afford with easily a month of adventuring. there's also no accounting for how good a craftsman you are. in 3e, that same suit of plate armor will take (assuming no failed checks along the way, to be fair) at most a month and a half. even assuming you fail half the checks, that's still only a quarter the time it takes to make that armor in 5e. this is still a decent time investment, but especially when you consider how having a higher Craft skill bonus (or even just a good roll) means you may be able to shorten that time, it brings it into the realm of "okay, that could be worth it, if i really wanted to".

bonus actions are only usable by a handful of classes, and may as well not exist for the rest, outside a couple of feats. with only one other action, alongside moving, that makes the kind of tactical combat built on the same principles of 3.x and 4e drag and feel incredibly monotonous (especially when, see #3). 3.x and 4e have alternative things you can do with your move action, which - especially alongside full-round actions - just as a way to open up design space means that there are a lot of ways to expand your options in combat. while AD&D also only features an action and movement - and doesn't even have a bonus action - combat is much smoother due to the overall simplicity of the game, and the fact that rounds represent a whole minute, not just 6 seconds.

cantrips are broken. they're usable at-will all day, which is fine. definitely an improvement i like over 3.x, and it gives your spellcasters something spellcastery they can reliably do any time. that's cool. but when they deal as much damage as a crossbow, and are based on your spellcasting score, it adds to the aforementioned thing about how most classes don't need to worry about more than one or two ability scores. why bother carrying around a crossbow when your fingers can shoot infinite crossbow bolts, possibly even targeting something other than AC and not dealing physical damage?

...oh wow. there's a character limit in posts...

im confused about the dnd 5e hatred. yall arent just ignoring rules that are dumb? ur dm actually follows every single thing in the book for real?

if you have to ignore some of the rules for the game to be good then the game is not good

[riririnnnn]

I have this foreboding feeling that while we are prepared for Sae's and Shidou's backstory, Nagi's backstory is going to sneak from behind and punch us in the gut.

No, I don't think it's going to be straight up depression like Kaiser's, but I do think that it'll hit close to home.

You see, Nagi got Laissez-faire parents which means they never really interfered with his life. Like, these type of parents—as I have read on some websites—will basically set their child free and let them do whatever they want with no or very few rules/restrictions. They will not tell you, "Oh! You should do this!" or "Oh! You shouldn't do this!" They will simply let you figure out your life all by yourself.

I'm not an expert on this and I'm not calling this type of parenting bad in any way. Every child is different with different needs, and I'm sure there are many who grew up in this kinda family and liked this parenting method. However, I do think that Nagi didn't like it that much, and I got two reasons to think this way:

1. "That's nice."

When Reo said that his family constantly meddles in his life, Nagi's immediate reaction was, "That's nice" instead of being surprised or disgruntled. If Nagi really liked his parents NOT meddling in his life, then he should've said something like, "Really!? Sucks to be you, Reo. I can't imagine living a life like that!"

You getting me?

Also, we all know how Nagi is—he definitely feels that telling someone to do or not to do something is a hassle, so he, probably, feels that if someone is doing all this for you, then you are important for them.

And before any one says, no, I don't think Nagi was tying up his tongue thinking, "They are his parents. They wouldn't want anything bad for their own child, right? I shouldn't say anything against them and should say good things about them just to be safe." I don't think he has this kind of filter in him.

2. "Don't die ."

So, why would you not want someone to die? Of course, because you care for them and want them to be with you.

"Want"

That's really what I'm tryna highlight.

It's a pretty common knowledge that some children are just naturally more independent while others are a bit more dependent and seek guidance from the elders. Considering Nagi's first reaction to knowing about Reo's parents' meddling, I think that Kiddo!Nagi falls into the latter category—someone who likes to be guided and helped by the adults. Now, place Kiddo!Nagi with his Laissez-faire parents... You are getting where I'm going with this one?

That's why I think that Kiddo!Nagi, probably, thought that his parents didn't love him/care for him. And what happens if someone doesn't love you or care for you? Yeah, they don't care if you die which, somewhat, explains why Older!Nagi was happy to hear, "Don't die [before us (probably)]" from his parents.

I have already talked about his potential backstory before too, so it was actually when I heard he had longer bangs as a child that made my head turn to him again—something felt odd.

I understand that having long bangs is not a big deal—Niko's bangs literally cover his eyes, but having it as a kid is way different, y'know. Once you are like 12-13, you somewhat become capable of doing your own hair and clothes by yourself, so you can manage whatever aesthetics you prefer. However, for a kid younger than that, it's the parents' responsibility to look after his/her hair and clothes, and we all know that long bangs are quite bothersome—blocks our vision, sometimes stabs the eyes, and even irritatingly itches the nose.

All in all, till his backstory drops, I'd firmly believe that he was, though unintentionally, a neglected kid—at least, emotionally.

Now I can't get this image out of my head where Kiddo!Nagi is longingly staring at other kids in a park where everyone is learning things like riding a bicycle or maybe playing baseball and stuff with their parents while he is just.. there, probably, all alone.

[onyx-syn]

Pornstar LA! Buggy x Female Reader/Male Reader Headcanons

Warnings: Smut, Modern Au, Female/Male Reader, Masturbation, Unprotected Sex, Filming Sexual Activities, Fingering, Inappropriate use of the devil fruit, Pet Names, Blowjobs, Handjobs, Praises, and Public Sex

*Don't steal my writings and claim it as your own*

*18+ Only*

A/N: This has been on my mind ALL day at work, this and a curly imagine but you know how it goes ✨

🌹Buggy💠

🌹Buggy is always the one to make flashy performances and be out there for the whole world to see, everyone knows that by now. But what would happen if in the modern world he was on the side pornstar with his favorite ‘performer’, his partner -you-

💠When you guys start talking, he will tell you first hand that he is a pornstar, and not just a pornhub artist or anything, I can imagine him doing more of an OnlyFans type of fan page for his porn videos or a crappy porn website that is oddly sketchy with its ads. Either way, he will tell you in the first conversation that he is a pornstar, get it out of the gate and overwith

TEXTING Buggy ...

You: Hello!

Him: Hello

You: How are you?

Him: I’m a pornstar fyi

You: Oh…. and?

🌹He does want to make sure that is something you are comfortable with though and maybe staring in a few of his videos, he understands that it’s not for everyone -hell, he didn’t even think he would find himself on a porn website with thousands of fans that get off on themselves from watching his videos

💠He shows you his porn account, clo-um-wing_around. He mixed the word cum and clown together and thought that was the most brilliant idea he came up with. You convinced him to change it to something more easy to understand and actually speak, so that's how only-clowning-around came to existence

🌹Before you, he would only make videos of him jacking off to the camera, usually in a dimly lit room like his or in a public bathroom in the stall, never showing his face. He also definitely has(had) a sex doll, mostly showing the bottom of his cock and thighs slamming into the doll. He also has a fleshlight that he uses here and there- it's one of the clear ones so you can see through it and see his cock just slide perfectly in and out of it

💠Makes sure he doesn't show his face, both because of his own insecurities, but also because he doesn't want everyone knowing who makes these videos, especially if his coworkers find him? Oh the humanity

🌹Modern au Buggy has a tattoo of his jolly Roger on the top of his shaft, the bottom of his stomach. So people know they're watching a only-clowning-around video when they see that obvious hint right on his stomach

💠Of course he doesn't use those as much anymore as he used to. If you're down to make porn videos with him and are comfortable with it, he drops those things almost entirely (when he misses you he'll use a fleshlight and make a video about it)

🌹Your first video together is special, he makes sure to not include your face in it for the privacy of you. The video itself is vanilla, a simple missionary position with the camera focusing on the side view of your bodies, face out of the screen

💠Buggy is slow with his thrusts, his hands pinning yours above your head, as his thrusts start to pick up- your legs draped over his hips. The sound of skin slapping becoming louder and louder

🌹The room is dimly lit, only light being emitted was from the flash of the camera playing, showing the glistening sweat that was starting to form from the heat and intensity that you two were creating in the room. Your moans over throwing the sound of skin slapping, only making Buggy go faster. He makes sure you cum first before he does, watching your body melt underneath him as you do

💠Buggy pulls out before he finishes, letting his cock release all over your stomach and chest. His release has 50/50 range, it'll either just continuously drip from his tip or release so far it hits your face

🌹When Buggy releases the video, neither of you expected it to blow up as it did. With many comments suggesting ideas or requests for you guys to do, such as fucking in a park, pool sex etc.

💠Buggy is down to do almost anything -of course having his limits- with you. He is more than thrilled to do another video with you, always giving you love and affection afterwards. He'll drown you in kisses and telling you how good you did

"You did beautiful baby, don't worry okay? I'm here now, no need to worry"

🌹He gives you a nice bath after each time you guys have sex, joining in with you after wards as he tends to your aching back and shoulders, or depending on what position you guys do, he'll tend to helping those particular areas like your ass, hips, tita etc

💠He always wants to make sure you're comfortable with what's happening and afterwards to. Even out in public when he feels a bit risque, he makes sure you are comfortable with it

- (Female Reader Addition) Both of you sit comfortably at the table of the restaurant, seated right next to each other, Buggy's arms wrapped around your waist caressing your hip with his thumb gently.

The restaurant was bustling with people coming in and out, overworking the workers like their life depend on it.

You've figured that it would take time before a waiter could get to you, so your focus went over to your boyfriend still holding you in his grasp. When you look at him, you can see the hint of mischief behind his turquoise eyes.

With an eyebrow raised and a suggestive smirk, you speak. "Whatcha thinking about hm?" You asked him.

Buggy grins at your words, having a particular idea in mind. His free hand moves to your thigh underneath the table, squeezing it, his fingers moving ever so closer to your inner thigh.

Buggy checks the surrounding area to make sure no one is watching you two. And when the close is clear, he leans his head down to your ear- kissing the end of it before speaking, his words low in tone filled with lust.

"Why don't we have some fun doll?" He chuckles underneath his breath, sending chills throughout your body.

You can feel your cheeks start to heat up at his words -knowing what he is suggesting- your breathing starting to pick up. Your hand moves over on top of his hand, letting it go further down to your core. Buggy hisses at the contact, feeling the hot sensation between your legs. He knows with it being a very obvious public area to be doing this, keeping your voices down to a minute is pinnacle to not being caught.

His tongue licks your cheek before hips lips make a connection, making it a wet kiss. His words speak to you with reassurance, "You sure you wanna do this doll?" He wants to make sure you are okay with this, since you both have never done something like this so scandalous.

You nod your head, wanting buggy to continue with his hand downwards. "Yes I want it, fuck-", you whine to him merely just above a whisper.

He can feel your thighs quiver underneath his touch, he knows you're just dripping with anticipation.

He chuckles at that, it's dark and hot. He detaches his hands underneath the table, one hand now cupping your core in his grasp, the other grabbing his phone out of his pocket. With how you both were positioned, no one could tell what you two were doing thanks to the drapes covered over the table.

He quickly unlocks his phone and opens up his camera, now videoing the performance that was gonna happen between your legs.

The hand cupping your core, started moving aside the cute skirt you wore that day, revealing your red panties with a damp wet spot evident on it. His hand moves the pantie to the side, showing off your puffy lips to the camera view.

With the place being so loud and busy, the video could only pick up the surrounding area, not hearing the sinful huffs and low moans you were making, Buggy was grinning ear to ear at this revelation, seeing you melt in his grasp like this so much. He was enjoying it.

His pinkie and ring finger hold onto your pantie, letting your middle and index finger do the work, rolling your clit around in-between both fingers -his middle then going up and down your clit, putting pressure on it which makes your inner thighs shake.

You leaned your head in your hands on the table, holding your forehead as you tried to control your breathing and voice so no one could hear, but the sensation was starting to become too much to handle.

Buggy could feel his fingers start to be coated by your slick. He rearranged his fingers so now his pinkie and index were holding onto your pantie, letting his middle and ring finger enter into your pussy slowly but surely.

Buggy sees your body release tension, your mouth becoming agaped before quickly being closed by your hand. Your eyes shuttered to stay open as you felt Buggy's fingers go in and out of you, slowly but surely, pulling out just slightly to show the camera how wet his fingers were becoming just from that one insert alone, he couldn't believe it.

Buggys hard on was pressing against his pants, making him groan at the tension. He leans his head into the crook of your neck, biting so slightly, his eyes darting around the area to make sure no one is looking as he spoke to you.

"Fuck you feel good baby, keep it up like this and I might just have to put this cock in your pussy"

🌹It's suffice to say that you ending up cumming underneath that table, covering his camera in your release

💠Speaking of releasing onto cameras. His signature move is cuming on his phone after you blow him, so the audience gets a very up close experience. The amount of times he's had to deep clean his phone is unbelievable. It's gross yes, but God does it somehow turn him on after he does it

🌹After that day, public sex and semi public sex has been a favorite tag on your guys page. It didn't take long for Buggy to change the name of your guys page either to clowns-clowning-around, which was very appropriate for what you two were doing

💠You guys have videos where it's nice, semi and sweet where its in your shared bed and living room. Others its in a public restroom, letting the noise you guys make echo across the room

🌹And don't get this guy started on when you blow him, it gets him riled up

- (Male Reader Addition) Buggy's phone was placed on the edge of the night stand, showing the sides of your cheek hollowed out before being filled with Buggy's cock being deep throated by you.

Buggy's hand placed on his bare hip, his other caressing your scalp, curling his fingers feeling your tongue swirl around his tip.

His eyes felt cloudy, his breathing became heavy, the sweat forming on his forehead started to drip down the side of his cheeks. His muscles shivering at the sensation his body was feeling, the way you were making him feel was beyond comprehensive.

His gaze shifted to look down below him. Your eyes were looking up at him with narrowed eyes, getting into the movement of sucking him off. He can see your hand in between your legs, your hand wrapped around your cock. The motion going up and down.

Buggy hisses through his teeth at the sight, your lips round around his cock, slick and wet from the pre cum and saliva. Your thumb putting pressure on your tip, closing your eyes in response.

He can see your body shiver in effect, he can tell you were close to cuming just like him. His hand on your scalp started to tighten, pushing your head forward into his hips more, making you take his cock hole. He threw his head back once your nose was right up against his public hear, feeling your breathing on it. Cold against his hot skin, almost sending shockwaves to his cock.

Your hand motion started going faster, your other hand gripped his hairy thigh, trying to hold yourself up so he could finish first. But the overall feeling, emotion you felt, your mouth being full and your hand speeding up coated in your click and pre cum, it was becoming too much.

It didn't take long for Buggy to say fuck it, and grip the sides of your head and start thrusting his hips into your mouth, his balls slapping against your chin.

The room was filled with the smell of sex and the heat of the tension, the sound being taken over by gagging noises and balls slapping against skin.

Your hands moved to grip his thighs, trying to keep the monument up and up with Buggy himself. Your body being overwhelmed went down to your cock, cum spewing out of your tip, your cum splattered across the flooring and underneath your tip.

Buggy could see you wither underneath him, coming undone. Buggy groaned, pulling your mouth off of his cock with a loud pop, salvia and pre cum linked to your lips to his tip, the flash of the camera outlining the slick like it was water.

Buggy caressed your scalp against his thigh, reassuring you through actions as he ejaculated right onto the camera, his cum spraying everywhere on it and over it.

He could edit the video later, but now his focus was on you. His hands cupped your cheeks, his thumbs moving in circular motions as you looked up at him, now your eyes clouded with love and sex.

Buggy leaned down and pressed a kiss on your sweaty forehead, speaking softly as he spoke. "Good Boy. Cuming for me so good like that. Come on, let's get you cleaned up"

💠Buggy doesn't like using your voices in the videos, in fear that someone would identify the both of you from that, so he keeps it to a minimum with the degradation and praises when you guys do decide to film yourselves

🌹He never thought that this side hustle of a business would turn out something much more greater for the both of you. Letting you guys explore more of yourselves while you and others can enjoy it, it was all arousing but endearing at the same time, plus you guys were making big bucks from these videos

💠Overall, Buggy would be a modern pornstar on the side if he truly wanted to. And if you are willing and comfortable with joining him on this ride, then be his guest, cause he sure does love having one in his videos~

[leavemetoplaythesims]

currently actually writing down some new oc's, everyone be proud of me.

[timxpy]

SOUL WITH VIOLENT OBSESSION LOOKS SO RIGHT NGL. Like, I think he could have both obsessions about harming others and himself. And in the end rituals are no longer helping, and he just... Doesn't know what to do. Alone with this violent thoughts that make you feel like a monster. We need to talk more about this kind of obsessions, ngl they're the worst type of obsessions you might have as a person with ocd. AND OBSESSIONS ABOUT HARMONIA, YEAAAH... I think that perfectly connects with his npd ideals (they're totally relate to Harmony in some ways yeah). AND AGAIN, HIS IDEALS ARE JUST ALWAYS IGNORED. THIS IS SO PERFECT DESCRIBES WHY HE COULD HAVE THESE OBSESSIONS. I think he also would spend a lot of time just for one ritual. Like, twenty minutes for each compulsion.

YOU'RE SO ABSOLUTELY RIGHT UGHHH. I think this conflict between two disorders is the most important and interesting part in ocd + npd Mind headcanon. He's supposed to be rational and obsessions don't look rational!!! LIKE AT ALL!!! AND THIS WILL BE SO FRUSTRATING FOR HIM I SWEAR. Actually haven't got much to say about ocd Mind more, you said like EVERYTHING SO RIGHT. I JUST LOVE TO READ AND READ YOUR POST AGAIN AND AGAIN DISKWKSKDKKD. Just want to add that I had this kind of obsessions like you described anddd I can say that sometimes u feel REALLY stupid when do rituals. Like, always count just to make sure u make basic thing right are annoying and it looks strange for people around you, it's sometimes really hard to explain why you do things this way...

And guess what... YOU'RE ALSO RIGHT ABOUT HEART'S OCD!!! I believe that his obsessions are strongly connected to thinking about his actions. He always think how he looked when he said this or that, or did anybody see how he just uhhh walked??? This really worries him. Always thinking about how u look when u do this or that or did anybody see something that you didn't see in yourself... This will be really exhausting!!! Yaaay they all are suffering again!!!

Yk I really like to see good npd + bpd combo in characters. Like, I like to see good cluster b representation in general BUT SEEING THIS COMBO MAKES ME SOSOSO HAPPY (also I had the same feeling but with npd + aspd combos several times. I'm just really glad to see people don't think about characters like monsters just because they have symptoms of this two disorders). AND NOW THIS COMBO IS WITH OCD TOO AND I JUST LIKE AJAJAJANSNND THIS IS SO GOOD. But Soul is suffering sm ngl. I just can't imagine how hard it'll be to have both lack of self identity and inflated identity (which you need to support with anything that makes you feel like you're actually that kind of person as you think you are) at the same time.

Alsooo, what do you think about pds from other clusters??? Can any of them fit any cccc character in ur opinion???

[Sorry that I didn't answer for long time, I was really tired last two-three days mehhh]

bpd soul propaganda

his relationships with heart and mind are extremely tumultuous. he alternates between encouraging support and harsh criticism. he wants them to be close and loves them, but he's easily frustrated by their conflict and despises them for it.

he seeks a stability that seems impossible for him to achieve. when he doesn't feel like he can be stable, he threatens suicide because it feels like his only option. suicidal and self-destructive behavior is really common in bpd, especially in response to interpersonal distress and instability.

he has very little sense of self. identity isn't something he feels like he has the right to have (since personal separation is contradictory to trying to be Whole), but also, it seems like something he just can't get a grip on even if he tried.

I think that he has extreme attachment issues in concord. he's terrified that things will go wrong again, worried one of them will get hurt or disappear whenever he's not keeping an eye on them. he wants to know exactly where they are and be told when they're leaving because otherwise he'll panic about their absence.

on that note, his fears of hurting them or ruining things when things seem stable are something a lot of people with bpd struggle with. there's this underlying fear that the things "inherently wrong with you" will ruin everything you touch, either because of personal experience or internalized demonization.

if you headcanon Whole as a distinct person, that would be his favorite person. the extreme, almost religious idealization and having your entire sense of self revolving around a person (or really, the perception of perfection you have of a person) is a clear sign of having a favorite person. the abandonment issues would also be the worst with Whole, for obvious reasons

also i think it would be neat if this was a more widespread concept

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[maliro-t]

some game design thinky thoughts.

[montanamp3]

tatimaxxing (something big just happened to me but i can't talk about it on this blog because ive posted face)

[reinedeslys-central]

more for this nico-dealing-after-blood-of-olympus fic:

it's just like his brain is somehow - offline. Not willing to help him string up the words to this sentence that's sitting on his tongue. The disrespect.

He's still got to power through, though, and now he's just been standing here at the table for a good ten seconds without saying anything, gods, Will must feel so awkward trying to politely ignore Nico standing behind him. What to say, what to say, need to provide a functional human first(-ish) impression on the conversation -

Will bends his head further over the book he's reading, which seems to have a diagram on it. He shifts his neck to look at it from another angle, just enough for Nico to see the page's title: "Cross-sections of the Circulatory System".

Oh, so - a biology textbook. Cool, cool, that makes sense, since Will's the head camp medic, so maybe -

Before he can stop himself, he blurts out - "The, uh, the medulla oblongata controls parasympathetic ventilation, like, coughing and sneezing and stuff." Or - is that even correct? Damn, what if Will's going to make fun of him for getting it wrong, maybe he should try another one -

"..The pancreas secretes sodium bicarbonate, lipase, protease, and amylase into the small intestine to help with digestion." There, that works for a conversation starter. Will should definitely know about that since he lectured Nico about his starch intake last week in the infirmary.

("I don't care if they're all carbs, di Angelo, at this point you just need to eat, I don't give a pegasus' ass whether it's all carbs and fats -" - which, whatever. )

It takes him a moment to realise Will hasn't said anything back. In fact, he's barely even moved, only enough to squint at his textbook from a new angle. Clearly the most self-aware guy in the room, this guy.

He tries again. Can't have people calling him un-persistent, or whatever.

"So, the, lumen of the vein is larger than the artery, right? Since they have thinner walls?" Oh, curse me. His own insults to that zoom around his brain like a sledgehammer on nectar. And for all his embarrassment, what does he get? Nothing. Solace is still sitting, thumbing through the pages like he hasn't heard anything.

So much for Reyna making his promise to try having friends, and so much for Solace dumping out on him for pushing people away. If he's going to ignore him, and not even tell him why like - like someone who'd promised to be honest with him, then he can just catch up with his textbook in private and not have to deal with Nico's awkward conversation starters or help in the infirmary again.

Fuck it. He stomps away, shaking out his fringe and angrily pressing his thumb into the indent of his initials in his sword's hilt.

No need to let anyone think the Fates are playing favourites, because clearly Nico's in a league of his own with them. Even better, they must love him so much, because right at that moment, when he's suddenly, too irrationally angry to think about where he's going, he trips over a side table and goes careening headfirst into the shelf by the window.

Ah, merde.

"Hey, are you al- wait, Nico? What are you doing here, man? You okay?"

...And of course that's what finally makes Solace wake up from his biology-induced lotus casino haze.

As Solace bounds over, ostensibly to do his whole why-aren't-you-taking-care-of-yourself-better-nico-listen-to-me-I'm-a-doctor-so-I-know-best-and-you-don't routine, Nico resists the urge to melt into the wall, literally. Why did he tell Reyna he'd try making friends? Look where it gets him. Why, of all people, did he have to say he'd try hanging out with Solace of all people when Reyna demanded he give her some actual names to back up his promises?

- ..stupidi ragazzi carini con i loro stupidi sorrisi e le loro stupide lamentele e la loro mancanza di consapevolezza spaziale perché los tre Moirai sono così per me, mamma? perché, dei, perché....

Solace hauls him up halfway into his arms and starts asking him random questions, like:

"What's your name?" Rude, didn't he just call Nico from across the room?

"Okay, okay, cool, I deserved that one, can you tell me what day it is?" How is Nico supposed to answer that. He barely knows what day it is on a good day, he just follows camp schedule through osmosis most of the time, asking random campers what the strategies for the next capture the flag game are to get a gauge on how far away it is -

"Shit, c'mon man, help me out here, what were you looking for in the library anyway? I didn't know you were the reading type - " Which, again, rude? Does Nico not look like the reading type? Is it the black and silver? Does he not look smart enough or something? Hazel's a literal whiz, and Solace knows that, so it can't be a Hades thing.

"Come on, Nico, talk to me. You know why you came to the library, right? Can you at least tell me that?"

To talk to you, dumbass! Because you're ignoring me! Like I'm only worth your time when I'm a patient!

But it's not like he can just say that, because that would be weird. Joy of joys, Solace is getting even closer now, what the hell is going on?

"Uh - listen, don't freak out, maybe I'm freaking out, it's okay, stay calm, I'm calm, I literally do this every day, uh, can you just look straight at me, di Angelo? Need to get a good look at your eyes, figure out how bad we're dealin' here -" and he starts leaning in even closer what the literal fuck -

Is this Nico's punishment for insulting the Fates? Because, damn.

Also, because Nico's brain loves him, it abandons him once more in his time of need, forcing him to let out the weirdest squeak he's absolutely going to deny he ever made. He feels his cheeks warm, and jerks an inch away in a weird full-body shake like Frank sometimes does after returning to his human form.

Gods, what a nightmare. He lifts his hands up to cover his burning face and discreetly look for the nearest shadow when he notices Solace's ashen face, freezing.

Before he can get a real, human word out, Solace is suddenly stepping forward and cradling the back of Nico's head in a ridiculously warm hand while the other cards through his hair.

What the fuck. What the absolute fuck. He would say it feels like his soul is leaving his body if he didn't already know exactly how that felt. His eyes go wide as he wheezes, trying to stammer out a demand for Solace to fucking explain himself, taking liberties with his person -

Solace steps back, clearly confused. "No huge bumps, alright.. maybe shock?" His eyes widen again, as if he's just now noticing the state he's left Nico in.

"Shit, shit, it looks like shock, dilated pupils, difficulty breathing, hold on, di Angelo, let's get you to the infirmary - " Uh, absolutely not? 'Di Angelo' has had enough of the infirmary for a lifetime, grazie mille, Dr. Solace. There isn't even anything wrong with him this time! He's not the one asking weird questions and doing weird things this time.

Without any further thought, he turns around and starts fighting his way out of Solace's grip. If his favourite doctor's shocked cursing is anything to go by, it's the first time a patient's actively tried to escape his tender mercies.

Scratch that. Solace's arms tighten around his waist and the ensuing scuffle makes it clear this is not his first time. Shit, Nico might actually lose this one.

"Sunoffa- Nico! I'm trying to help, calm down!" Like hell you are, Solace. Let me the fuck go (so I can run away and wallow with the nymphs) and maybe then we'll talk.

He redoubles his efforts while pivoting to avoid the lamp on the table next to them.

"You fucking menace," Solace hisses, and if that hidden loss of cool makes Nico grin, well, what's a skull scarf for. Not every day you get to make Sir Doctor Extraordinaire stop being all sunshiney for a day.

Solace finally growls and stops fighting him. "Alright, you win! Hey, can't you stop aggravating your injuries for once?" Which. Wait, what injury? Nico's in perfect health!

"- and like, wartime's one thing, normal camp is another. Do you seriously not respect your body at all? Come on, you haven't even argued it! D'you seriously hate the infirmary that much? Are we a joke to you? You haven't even said anything since you hit your head and - " Nico lets the rest of Will's rant fly over him as he stills, and his mind goes, oh. Oh, this is hilarious. Okay, well, all he's gotta do to correct Will's little misconception is to say something then, right?

He opens up his mouth to cut Will off when he lands on his burning blue eyes and realises, belatedly, that Will's warm arms are still ever-so-gently and firmly cradling his waist, curling around the coarse fabric of his Camp Half-Blood tee.

As his brain goes offline for the the third and hopefully final time, Nico bemoans his existence and prepares himself to blurt out:

"The kidneys are where erythrocytes go to die."

Oh, Dei miei. That's not even right. "Well, no, I mean, the kidneys are where erythropoietin is produced, when the medulla oblongata detects a lack of oxygen in the body, which stimulates the growth of more red blood cells in the bone marrow..."

At least Will's shut up now, which is great. Nico can already feel the headache brewing from his ranting. Instead of backing off, however, Will absentmindedly adjusts his grip on Nico's waist and cocks his head to the side.

"...Did you come to the library to ask me to help you with your biology homework? Because, and I really mean no offense, buddy, but I kinda thought you were a year-round camper. Where'd you find the time to study AP Bio?"

Nico gives up and melts to the floor, ignoring Will's cries to groan and repeatedly thunk his head into the thankfully carpeted floor. This is how Nico dies. He prays for his father to open up the ground and bring him down to the palace for a visit. Will's still struggling to pull him up off the floor (if he's going to chase after him, he can deal with having to catch him, damnit), but only one thought is playing through Nico's mind.

Oh, I'm never going to live this one down, am I?

same fic different scene 0 - prologue-ish

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: March 26

"Songs About Rain" by Gary Allan

[lemonnbug]

Am I allowed to be negative on here about stuff for a minute? Pretty please?

I don't really think that things are gonna change for the better/ get better for me at this point tbh

[quick-drawn]

i'm just saying, if you're like me and have had 3 concussions within the span of a year and have trouble thinking and remembering things now, word hippo is a life saver —

[unproduciblesmackdown]

love my own like theatrical relationship to shakespeare which is a) being so slow to realize like "oh, i've loved theatre? everyone doesn't just feel this way & go 'of course acting onstage would fucking kick ass' & adore rehearsals and hanging around backstage and in greenrooms and changing and performing & etc?' never really occurred to me" and b) my response to most encounters w/shakespeare being "wha" when it comes to anything granular yet the relevance still in the spirit of things lol

namely one prominent example being i was an on campus college student where said campus has a shakespearean theater literally three blocks away, and we had like a freshmen orientation weekly class there doing shit with actors and checking out the theater, not to mention like punchcards to see four shows free (to write up about afterwards but yeah sure whatever) and this wherein also you always got student discount tickets And there were pwyw performances....kicked ass. i went there for shows so many times. i have never fucking known what tf is going on in any of the like dozen shows i saw there when a) audio processing can be tricky enough for real life modern vernacular parsing and b) sure am not used to ye old very stylized language nor any other qualities of shakespearean material so lots of times when i finally started to kind of acclimate to the language it would be like "oh wait that was the conclusion? ok. hoorayyyyy" like also c) You Have A Great Time Seeing Shakespeare Productions Anyways like again i loved going anytime. it's Theatrical and if people are just putting their damn backs into delivering and performing the material it's An Experience even if you're really not following lmfao. and i suppose one can read the text / familiarize oneself beforehand

also like my first and really one of my only like regular theatre performing experiences was my literature class in fourth grade doing a few scenes from julius caesar. i was so hype for getting cassius like one of the most prominent roles? a guy? an antagonist if you're caesar or dante??? oh Fuck yes. b/c of technical difficulties we got to perform it twice in a row when we did a field trip to some other school to perform our respective [scenes from various shakespeare plays] altogether. even back then i was way into it and cared about stuff like "we have like no Effects to make it that dramatic when we kill caesar. or like, non silent. bit awkward" and "also i like, don't know how to act and am just winging it. and of course, i'm also like 9" like in theory i do like to know How to do something vs trying to make it up myself. somewhat lol. a balance, who can argue w/that

beyond that there's also lots of things i just didn't quite realize "counted" lmfao like, when you're a theatre gay with a parent req'ing you go to church every week but you have a good time being in the choir....i was sure on those tenor harmonies & singing loud. and going relatively often to various live theatrical events, having an engaging enough time there, but also would've assumed anyone would be into it And that that's not really the same as actually being in them, of course. but that most of my firsthand experience was just sticking w/ballet for like a decade, and kind of live theatrical performance adjacency there. don't say shit, for years was effectively just like, an ensemble for the occasional performances, but even then it's like hoorayyy i Love rehearsing and being onstage and backstage and dealing w/costumes and coordination behind the scenes and shit. and eventually being like, a distinct individual character in shows, so despite again nobody saying shit you're still somewhat interpreting and doing whatever character work while also enjoying the bennies of [it's dance, so also it's choreographed]....even more clear like oh i love backstage and rehearsing and behind the scenes and onstage and putting together stage character makeup, and i don't mind tackling technical difficulties, and etc etc. didn't even necessarily have the reference like, idk, wouldn't / doesn't everyone feel similarly. classic ye old memory of like being idfk 7 or some shit simply getting to walk with classmates behind a backdrop to the opposite wing of a stage, and loving that lmao. combines a love for [backstage] and [secret passages] type deal lol, big fan of these elements

also in 7th grade doing a theatre/drama class for a few months and we couldn't really get like all this in depth extensive stuff b/c you know, intro course for like 8 weeks for rando middle schoolers, but idk it was just illustrative lmao like after julius caesar, us slapping together some kind of script and my getting to be this fun little theatrical(tm) antagonist guy again? feedback was "what was supposed to be happening" but could've stood to have learned that the enthusiasm and affinity i felt for acting onstage was perhaps indicative of enthusiasm and affinity for acting onstage rather than just, idk, the exact kind of baseline experience any & everyone would have lol. not that i would've necessarily had the chance to really do anything with that knowledge, but even now, ofc i don't particularly anticipate getting to use it, but it's great having that knowledge like ohhh i see. the entire time i've been huge into doing theatre with all these kind of adjacent & gently overlapping brushes with it. gotcha

[somelazyassartist]

LAST DAY!!! If you wanna get a free sticker or button pin with your order, now's the day to do it! Tomorrow it'll be back to normal with my shop, with some new preorders available (I'm going to try doing a test run of a new way to restock items that were sold out and see if this new way works better, the liquid glitter keychains are finally ready to open for preorder, and I'll be trying out some artbook printing for the first time!), but after today the free item promotion will be over, so now's the best time to get stuff if you want an extra surprise treat with your order for free!!

HOLY SHIT, WE HIT OUR GOAL OF 300 SALES!!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

I'M GIVING OUT SOME DISCOUNTS N' FREE STUFF* TO PEOPLE WHO BUY FROM MY SHOP FOR THE REST OF MAY!!!!!

*(eligible orders only, details below)

[plain text: DISCOUNTS N' FREE STUFF!! MAY 10TH-31ST!! • spend $10 and get 10% off your order + 1 free mini size sticker • spend $20 and get 15% off your order + 1 free regular size sticker • spend $30 and get 20% off your order + 1 free button pin • spend $40 and get 25% off your order + 1 free jumbo size sticker • spend $50 and get 30% off your order + 1 free glow in the dark sticker . (Discounts do not stack - you will receive 1 free item per eligible order. Free items are picked at random from my current stock and designs for free items cannot be guaranteed). End of plain text]

Feel free to come check out my shop for the 300 sale celebration from now until May 31st when this promotion will end!! Thank you all for your support for all this time!! 💖

[evie-sturns]

need you - Chris Sturniolo

summary: after a lot of convincing, you finally convince your best friend, chris, to take away your biggest insecurity. being a virgin.

contains: fluff, smut, needy!reader, gentle!chris, virginity loss, a lot of praise.

-----------------└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘-----------------

i lay on chris's chest, as scrolls through his phone. my eyes fixed on his long fingers, swiping across his screen.

chris puts his phone down before looking at me. "y/n..." he speaks up with a small laugh,

i sit up off his warm chest, my back now resting against the headboard. "hm?' i hum in response,

"whats up with you?" he asks, fixing my hair.

"nothing." i fidget with my hands,

a lot was up, actually. my biggest insecurity is that i'm almost 21, and a total virgin. chris doesn't know this, the subject has never really been brought up between us. but i see him so often, and i've known him forever! it wouldn't hurt to ask him to take my virginity?

"i've known you for like- 6 years, i always know when somethings up." chris smiles, pushing my shoulder lightly.

"i'm okay- i promise." i laugh nervously.

chris stares at me blankly, his eyes roaming over my face. he knows i'm lying.

the silence grows as he waits for an actual answer out of me. i fidget with my bracelet, avoiding eye contact with chris.

"can i ask you something..." i whisper, finally looking up at chris.

"uh oh." he mutters,

"shut up- i'm trying to be serious" i scoff, chris reaches out and grabs both of my hands, holding them.

"you may talk to me" chris forces a stupid voice,

"you are such an idiot." i groan, throwing my head back.

"no- tell me!" chris cuts me off,

"okay, but you have to promise to not bully me forever- like actually if you say no to this i will rot away from embarrasment" i ramble,

confusion grows on chris's face by the second.

he nods, waiting for me to say something.

"im- i'm a.. you know?" i whisper,

chris shakes his head with confusion painted across his face, "a criminal?"

"no! a virgin- chris i'm a total virgin." i sigh,

"what does this have to do with me?" chris laughs, his cheeks a light shade of pink

"i want you to fuck me." i blurt out, clasping a hand over my mouth.

"what?" he responds, his eyes widening and his chest rising and falling dramatically.

"please..?" i whisper, avoiding eye contact with him.

he runs a hand through his hair,

"i don't want things to be weird between us y/n," chris states seriously,

"they won't be, it'll just be one time-" i protest,

"look- i think you're a very attractive young woman-" chris starts but i cut him off,

"you sound like my dad!" i whine,

he grabs my chin, making me look at him, "just listen- okay?'

i nod, he lets go of my chin.

"i want you to think if this is actually what you want- because i'm thinking that just is a desperation type thing." chris says,

"i'm not desperate, i just dont want to die a virgin!"

chris looks around the room,

"please- just one time?" i ask, he stays silent

"then we don't have to speak about it again- i just need you to fuck me once" i continue,

chris lets out a chuckle,

"what. is. funny!" i say with frustration laced in my voice,

"i never thought you would be begging for me to have sex with you" he grins widely,

i let out a laugh, "shush"

"c'mon- just teach me how to-" i ramble again, but chris cuts me off,

"okay- fine- lets just do it" he smiles, covering his face

i clap, "yay!"

he scoffs, "you're stupid."

"i don't care, so- where do we start?" i smile nervously,

he stands up off the bed and walks over to the door, locking it.

"um-- do you ever do stuff with yourself?" chris asks, walking over to me and standing above me by the bed.

"yeah." i reply, chris nods understandingly,

"like what?" he asks, i hesitate before answering,

“just stuff with my hands.” i say, fidgeting with my bracelet,

“okay- yeah that’s perfect! see your not a total virgin.” chris smiles at me,

i scoff as i sit up, cross legged on the matress as i wait for some sort of instruction.

“right- well.” chris stammers,

“you’ve done this before right?” i tease earning a flick from chris,

“obviously, i’m just not sure how you want to do this.” he rolls his eyes,

“i’ll do anything you tell me to chris.” i say, locking eyes with him.

“yeah?” he grins, reaching down and tugging up my shirt.

his long, cold fingers graze against my bare skin.

i feel the fabric of my shirt slide up off my body, leaving my in my dark red, lacy bra.

his eyes just roam over my body, his chest rising and falling.

“you’re really pretty, you know that?” he breathes out, tugging off his white wife beater.

i cover my flushed face with my hands, chris pulls my hands away from me.

“let me see that pretty face.” he praises, making my heart thump.

his hand snakes to the waistband of my sweatpants, he pulls them down my body, i lift my hips off the mattress for easier access.

he drags out each touch, his fingers just grazing over my bare skin as he runs his spare hand through his locks.

i lay bare on the matress below chris, the only thing covering me being my thin panties and bra.

“can i take these off?” he asks, tracing an outline along the outside of my panties.

“yes- do anything you want-“ i almost beg,

he tugs down my underwear, shoving them in his pocket nonchalantly,

“christopher!” i laugh, he shrugs cluelessly with a guilty smile.

“i better get those back.” i state,

“we’ll see.” he says under his breath,

he stares very obviously at my soaked core, i look at his crotch, which has a very obvious tent in it.

“so pretty.” he coos, finally reaching down and dragging his middle finger across my slit.

“oh chris.” i moan lightly with his feathering touch.

“so sensitive aren’t we?” he says with a smug smile,

i nod desperately,

chris removes his hand from me to tug down his black jorts, letting them pool at his ankles.

he tugs down his boxers,

my mouth falls open gently, my eyes fixed on his length.

he’s big, bigger than what i’ve ever seen in movies and shit.

my heart rate picks up, i sit up on my elbows.

“chris- chris that’s gonna hurt- that’s not gonna work-“ i panic, words frantically spilling out of my mouth.

he sits down on the matress beside me, clasping a hand over my mouth.

“you’re boosting my ego.” he laughs, taking his hand away from my mouth.

“no chris- actually that’s not gonna happen!”

he looks at me, a small laugh exiting his moth before he speaks.

“it doesn’t have to hurt, it might be a little bit uncomfortable because it’s your first time, but i promise that i’ll go super duper slow.”

god, the man who’s about to take my virginity just said ‘super duper’

“and if you want me to stop at any time we will stop, and take a break, then see if you’re still feeling up for it. if not then there’s always another day!” he smiles warmly, rubbing my inner thigh.

“yeah?” he follows up,

“yeah.” i nod eagerly.

he stands up, before tugging me to the edge of the bed, my legs dangling off the side of the matress.

he stands between my legs, rubbing my thigh continuously.

“you’re so gorgeous.” he sighs,

his erection rests against my thigh, making this all feel so real.

he reaches between my thighs and dips a finger inside of me quite suddenly.

i gasp, his finger is a lot longer than mine.

he curls it against a spot which is driving me crazy.

“just gotta stretch you out real quick.” he says to me,

it feels so wrong, so dirty. having my bestfriend of 6 years about to be inside of me, his words making me crumble. god- if he knew how long i have been wanting this he would kill me.

he slowly teases his second finger at my entrance before pushing inside of me slowly,

“chris-“ i moan lightly,

he bends over, hovering above me so our faces are face to face, so intimate.

my hand reaches up and grips his arm, squeezing it.

he scissors his fingers apart inside of me, stretching me around his hand.

“you- are so tight.” he breathes with a small laugh,

“can’t wait to feel you around my cock, already feel so good around my fingers don’t you?” he teases, i arch my back off the bed.

he slowly pulls his fingers out of me, “chris i wasn’t finished-“ i whine,

“shh- don’t want you to cum yet.” he smiles, wiping his fingers on my thigh.

he steps out from between my thighs, walking over to his bedside table.

“where are you going?” i pant,

he holds up a condom,

“no- i don’t want that.” i protest,

“we need it sweetheart, as much as i love you i am not getting you pregnant.” he laughs,

“i’m on birth control.” i state,

he looks at me, “oh- shit okay!” he bites back a smile.

he goes back between my legs,

“just gonna give you a little bit at a time, you tell me if it’s too much or too fast.”

i nod, he lines himself up with me.

i reach out and grip his his hand, holding it tight while his tip presses against my entrance.

i squeeze my eyes shut,

“look at me, take a nice deep breath for me okay?”

i suck in a sharp breath,

chris pushes inside of me,

his tip stretches my walls slowly, a pathetic whimper escapes from my throat,

jesus christ.

christopher sturniolo, my childhood bestfriend, is inside of me.

“good girl, fuuck..” he sighs, moving the stray bits of hair infront of my face away from me.

“you can take a little more, can’t you?” he breathes,

i nod, he pushes slightly deeper inside of me.

“oh chris- fuck!” i moan softly, squeezing his hand.

“taking me so well, so so good.” he praises, making me clench around him.

a low groan falls from his mouth as he pushes further, and deeper inside of me.

tears prickle in my eyes from the burning stretch, which chris seems to pick up on.

“hey- don’t get upset, you’re doing so good, you’re not a virgin anymore!” chris smiles

he pushes the rest of the way inside of me, “look at that..” he sighs, at the closed gap between our hips.

“you okay?” he says, wiping my watering eyes with a sympathetic grin.

“i’m- full.” i whisper with a small smile,

“i know you are, aren’t you?” chris grins, just resting inside of me, allowing me to get used to his length.

“can i move?” he asks, “yes- please chris.” i reply

he slowly rocks his hips back and forth, he hovers above my face, breathing heavily into my neck.

small groans and grunts fall from his mouth, straight into my ear.

after several thrusts the pain fades into pleasured

suddenly i feel chris’s lips connect with my neck, sucking on the plush of the skin.

he gradually starts to quicken his pace, “chris! fuck- fuck chris oh my god!” i arch my back off the matress

he reaches down where our bodies meet and brushes my sensitive clit,

“you feel so good, taking me so well.” chris mutters into my neck,

“you look so pretty with me so deep inside of you.” he whispers,

i grip his back, my nails running up and down his bare skin.

the intense pressure in my stomach builds with each thrust,

i look down, a clear stomach bulge is imprinted in my stomach.

that’s enough to tip me over the edge, i clench around him, finally releasing,

“good girl- so good, let it all go.” he says in between jolted breaths.

he thrusts a few more times before finishing inside of me, my eyes widen as i feel the warm sensation.

he stays buried inside of me as he flops down on my chest

his floppy hair rests on my face, as he buries his face in my neck.

i stroke his hair as i come down from my high, too stunned to speak.

“you’re so pretty.” he mumbles,

i let out a small flustered laugh,

“are you okay? not hurt or anything?” he mutters quietly into my shoulder

“i’m- good.” i giggle,

chris slowly lifts himself off of me before pulling out with a slick pop.

i groan from the emptiness, “mooreee.” i whine,

“you are definitely too sensitive for that.” he smiles, rubbing my thigh before walking over to his closet

he pulls out a sweater and some sweatpants before walking over to me.

he redresses me slowly, his eyes still roaming over every inch of my body.

he tugs on his clothes aswell before jumping into bed beside me, launching me a couple inches into the air.

he rests his back against the headboard before tugging me onto his lap quickly.

he presses a kiss to my forehead, “you did so good.”

i smile, resting against him.

a silence grows between us,

chris breaks the silence with a bold statement

“look- i’m just gonna say this, but i think i’m gonna have to be inside of you again at some point-“ he rambles

“i thought you insisted on it being a one time thing christopherrr” i poke his chest with a grin,

“i know- i know but please? maybe like friends with benefits type thing..” he suggests fidgeting with his hands

“i don’t want things to be different between us.” i laugh

“they won’t! i promise it will be the exact same apart from the fact.. you know.. i get to fuck you..?” he protests

“weren’t you teasing me an hour ago for ‘begging to have sex with you?’” i giggle,

“okay but that was then- this is now!” he whines

“fine chris, we can fuck sooometimes.”

—————-

this taglist is actually getting insane

@sturngirly @stellasturnzz @beccaluvschris @iammattsturniolo @issysh3ll @mattssluttygf @sturnslcver @arianatheway @mattybsgroupie @sturn1ololuvr @tisiablack @jessie-essie @demzzz

@downbad4reid

sturnsdoll @obvisturns @stupid4sturniolo @meerkatzthings @witchofthehour @rosalierenee43 @gabrielle-brun1 @ilovemymannnnnnnn @sturnioloxlver @buckys-goodgirl @sturniol0s@ilovemymannnnnnnn @chr1sgirl4life @luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @jamiesturniolo @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @ @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @ev3rgreenxtrees @certifiednatelover @solarsturniolo @mattsenthusiast @yomamaslays4lyfe @peachmels @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc @mattscoquette @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @bitchydragonparadise @sturni0l0 @ratatioulle @sturnsfav @mattsonly @justalittle47 @sunsetsturniolos

@sturniolo04 @similartokayyz @sturnsintrouble @ilovemattsturn @raysmayhem-72 @75sturn @sturniol0s @secret-sturniolo @hfkeclnendmwodne @sturniolosass @gxldenlush @stonermattsgf @101sara @beccaluvschris @oliviasturniolo21 @imwetforyourmom @tylerstacobell @sunsetsturniolos @aliceloveschris @jayz4dayz4 @sassysturniolo2008 @nyktoxs-lover @nathandoesgf @starsturns234 @chrissturnsss s @joemamaaa42069 @sturnthepot @zayyluvz @realuvrrr @livialifesblog @sturnioloblogs @riowritesitall @raysmayhem-72

[beeseverywhen]

I just think that if someone's paying their rent and they are using the land you rent to them for its intended purpose (growing food and flowers for my households use) what does it fucking matter how they do it. Like please. What is the point. Chill the fuck out