#i LOVE making stupidly specific hcs this isn't even the half of it

[tecchous-thicc-buttocks]

Do you have any bsd headcannons you'd like to share? (literally anything, I just love learning about other peoples hcs)

OMG YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES SORRY FOR RESPONDING SO LATE IVE BEEN USING THIS IN MY DRAFTS AS A COLLECTION OF JUST ABOUT ANYTHING THAT GOES THRU MY MIND AND I'VE JUST DECIDED I'M GONNA POST IT ALR

chuuya's hat is so old (bc it keeps getting passed from person to person and he brings it with him everywhere obviously) and WORN OUT but he has no idea how to fix it. he treats it like his child but it's inevitable that the material will deteriorate over time, so he's been trying to convince himself to go to a hatter for ages and can't swallow his pride. he drunkenly told it to hirotsu once night while they were drinking, and hirotsu just sighed and got it fixed for him that night while chuuya was passed out. they never spoke about it.

dazai has met several women who actually did say yes to a double suicide. the majority didn't mean it and just wanted to toy with him, but ran when they realized he was serious. a few actually did mean it. he pulled strings and invited them to a romantic date, except that he sent therapists there instead of him, basically playing matchmaker. all those women are now doing better but ask him about it and he'll act dumb and say he knows nothing about it.

fyodor needs glasses. his eyesight definitely sucks and the hours he spends at a computer don't help. however, he manipulates himself into thinking that he's actually fine when he's not. nikolai also has shitty eyesight bc of his dull eye and the other one he's probably abused looking at the birds in the sky and thus the sun. they are literally the blind leading the blind. nikolai places his portal 2 meters from where he meant to put it and fyodor says "good job". it's incredible how they're feared terrorists.

sigma gets tired wearing heels all day. he wants memory foam but doesn't know it exists. give him his goddamn memory foam. anyways one of his employees saw him holding his feet in pain and offered him orthopedic shoe inserts. he hasn't been the same since. would give them a raise if he knew how.

tachihara used to get acne from having his bandage on his nose all day. so, he's developed an incredibly rigid skin care routine. his face is soft as hell. cheeks are smoother than you'd think.

kouyou made it her first demand as executive to raid her favourite shop where she gets all her kiminos and accessories. hirotsu led the black lizard battalion into the shop and the workers were so fucking confused. stole expensive silk fabrics and clothing of the highest quality because she doesn't settle for less, and in the process has gotten hirotsu more into fashion. they go shopping together.

speaking of shopping, kajii only goes thrifting. have you seen his clothes?? they're not his size and torn as hell but they're so damn cheap he can't resist. his sandals are so goddamn iconic. yeah he's blowing you up but his dogs are OUT like a mf psychopath. i maybe love him a little too much.

ivan has greasy hair. while doing his surgery thing wtv tf that was, fyodor was continually grossed out (ironic aint it). pushkin was then ordered to help ivan wash his hair and they died just a little bit. neither knew what the difference between shampoo and conditioner is, and they struggled with it for a long time. eventually when they came back for fyodor to do the surgery, ivan's hair smelled like flowers and was braided cutely because they gave up and went to a salon where the people working there fell a little in love with his hair and went overboard. pushkin's hair (if you can call it that...) was also in a little bowtie. they enjoyed their little adventure just a little bit. just a little ofc.

odasaku has no idea how to cook curry. he loves it and fears doing it wrong, so he just buys it from the same place over and over. considered asking for the recipe but never did because why change what is already perfection. dazai however is convinced oda has housewife abilities and can cook like a god. he never knew the truth.

fitzgerald can't do math. he pretends he's good at converting currencies but in his head it just doesn't add up. 20 000 yen? that's like.... 5 freedom eagles obviously. no biggie *throws a bunch of american dollars at the workers and just takes the item and leaves* he also doesn't give tips when it prompts on the machine, and instead prefers sliding a crisp bill to them directly. cried a little when his favourite shop told him they ran out of an item he wanted and they didn't budge after he slid them a stack of 100s (he has no idea how many were in the stack)

fitzgerald also owns an airline but he doesn't manage it personally ofc. his only interaction with it is that they provide him and the guild with a private jet to travel to japan. lovecraft did not get on. he swam??? who knows, but he did not get on that plane. lucy got sick and louisa freaked out every time there was turbulence. mark was snoring loudly the entire way and steinbeck had his nose pressed on the window looking outside the entire time the lil cutie.

agatha has the super power of drinking tea while it is still piping hot. she never burns her tongue and never complained about its temperature, except when it's too cold. the water was literally boiling once (her subordinates wanted to find out how hot she can go) and she gulped it all down without a single contortion of her face. incredible.

shirase doesn't understand english and keeps trying to learn it but every time he thinks he's getting the hang of it, someone throws cockney slang at him and he gives up.

adam finally figured out how to blow a bubble of gum, but keeps swallowing it. one day, it clogged his internal system (he's not supposed to be eating obvi) and he's been afraid of it ever since. thinks it's possessed by evil spirits his android brain can't understand. i also hc that he recharges thru solar panels integrated onto his skin and for this reason he goes to the beach to 'tan' often. HE'S SO PALE people get a little concerned for him when they see him not apply sunscreen and just lay down for hours at a time. one lady actually told him he could get skin cancer and he opened his eyes "ackshually 🤓👆" then began reciting every fact known to man about skin cancer. rip that lady

verlaine and rimbaud complain about france all the time. "fuck france i fucking hate the french this country goddamn sucks" then as soon as someone else says anything bad about it they give them death glares and threaten death for disrespecting their country.

wells has memorized a whole lot of things about quantum theory from her days studying to be an engineer because it was her favourite class. she cannot handle mechanical or civil engineering topics and physically ascends at the mention of anything to do with dynamics. i also think she's been hit on a lot while wearing disguises; she tells them she's actually a woman, they freak out, then she sends them back in time. this time, they do not approach her and thus she doesn't have to deal with the awkward rejection and doesn't even remember it.

jules verne has made little dolls and pretended that they were his friends and invented scenarios in which they hung out. i will not elaborate on this.

albatross sometimes interrupts conversations in order to listen to the engine of a vehicle passing by. tries to track them down, too. he'll be the type of guy to ogle at your car without making eye contact with you while you're still in the car. and when i say ogle, i mean ogle. checks out motorcycles more often than women.

the flags bully lippmann sometimes when he acts in a really cheesy scene. he's coming to hang out with them and they're all giggling and chuckling at him stupidly. albatross walks up to him, tucks his hair behind his ear and whispers whatever cheesy thing was said in a low voice before bursting out laughing (he usually starts laughing before he can even finish the sentence). pianoman slides it slickly into conversations, and doc 'fufu's at random moments when looking at him and he suddenly remembers the scene. iceman has not watched the movie and chuuya couldn't care less.

the first time he tried to take the train, ranpo loudly exclaimed and yelled at every turn and stop of the train. he went during rush hour too and got his entire body smooshed into the strangers next to him. he squealed when someone accidentally (accidentally) grabbed his ass in the crowded traincar, then asked loudly who did that. dramatic as hell. got his pockets picked and knew who did it, but couldn't do anything about it. he felt awful and slumped his way back home and collapsed into yosano's arms with a groan. this was the only time she'd ever willingly bought him a bunch of sweets and let him eat them in peace while he ranted to her about the atrocities

kenji is more notorious on the streets than he knows. he got recognized by some huge 200cm tall man built like a goddamn tank with tattoos all over his body who wanted to fight him. kenji was so flattered that he knew his name that he thanked him and burly dude was like. wtf. anyways they got beef ramen together afterwards bonded over cows and are now besties. he's told the agency about it but they think that by "friend" he means someone else his age.

tanizaki ran into kajii once at his favourite thrift shop. he recognized him and ran out freaked never to return. for this reason he had to keep wearing his same stanky ahh uwu girl clothes that don't fit and hasn't had a style update. actually, when doing his research for how to infiltrate the mafia, tachihara found out that there have been a lot of sightings of known dangerous ability users in the thrift store, and that's why he wears the same shirt as tanizaki.

tachihara dreads the hunting dogs meetings because they make him feel like the only sane one there. his back has become so chiseled from carrying teruko around all the time, and once - jouno thought it would be funny - he tripped on a wire laying down on the ground and almost dropped her. he had to use his ability to pick her up from the belt of the uniform to prevent her from faceplanting, and she looked like she was about to explode. he had to let her beat him up a little then she hopped back on his shoulders and nothing changed. he questions his life choices often

jouno can't handle cinnamon or ginger scents, they overwhelm him and he goes into a fucking sensory overload coma. odor orgasm. sinus sex. teruko got sick once and tachi made her the strongest herbal and ginger tea you've ever seen (learnt it from his brother rip the goat) and he collapsed on the ground with a moan. woke up a half hour layer with no clue wth just happened. tecchou eventually heard about it, placed a hand on his shoulder and said "it happens to the best of us" while nodding solemnly then never elaborated.

yeah fukuchi and fukuzawa used to steal food when they were younger but imagine them figuring out milestones together. "dude my armpits are itchy where is this hair coming from :(" "genichiro i don't need to know about that *scratches at his armpit subtly*" i think they were very goofy about it

speaking of puberty elise once freaked mori out by saying she got her period. dude was like. wtf. you're an ability. how tf. she insisted he got her a bunch of tampons n pads and chocolate and heating pads and the works, then once he (the underlings he made go do the shopping threatening their lives if they ever told a soul) bought everything, she looked at his confused and asked why he bought those things. she's an ability how could she have a period? mori cried a little that night.

bram is a swiftie for no reason other than i think it's funny. alternatively, i believe he listens to reggae for no reason other than i think it's goddamn FUNNY.

kunikida's old students sometimes run into him on the street and recognize him. they immediately straighten their backs, nod at him and quickly walk away in the most respectful way because they don't want to ruin his schedule. he nearly tears up from happiness every time.

natsume goes through 5-6 "here, kitty kitty!"s in a day when he's just vibing around. people try to feed him grass blades. people get WAY too comfortable rubbing his stomach. once, a girl saw him on her way back from school and started scratching a random spot behind his ears and he folded so quickly and just melted on the sidewalk. he wont admit it but he has that weak spot in human form too (i want to pet him so badly this is self indulgent ok). the girl was actually gin btw. she's an animal whisperer i dont know why i dont know how but she is.

[canarypoint]

maybe reader is bestfriends with yelena and finds her to be the most badass person she knows, but kate has a crush on r and is stupidly jealous trying to impress her skdkakdmasm

a/n: hcs are not my thing but i had too many ideas that wouldn't fit one drabble lmao anyways i got super carried away and forgot all of my ideas as i was writing. i have no idea what this is i'm sorry. one more thing, i will d*e before i have yelena call kate anything other than "Kate Bishop" exactly like that

warning(s): poor attempt(s) at humor, i'm not funny lol, jealous kate is adorable, all lower case bc i felt like it, yelena is asexual and aromantic, HAWKEYE (INCLUDING EPISODE 5) SPOILERS, mentions of (nat's) death, the snap/blip/whateverthefuck the iw/endg*me events are called, not proofread, let me know if i missed anything

pairing(s): kate bishop x fem!widow!reader, yelena belova x platonic!reader

you met yelena a few months after she and her family took down the red room

you were a widow too, which really sucked, but on the bright side-

instant best friends

melina and alexei adore you

eventually yelena introduced you to nat, and now you have a big sister :)

a/n: my hcs my rules nat survived or got brought back or whatever idk you decide

yelena and you worked together to get integrated into society (she was much better and much faster than you at it)

nat also helped a lot

she introduced you to the james bond franchise

very disappointed (but also highly amused bc she's actually just a softie under her rough 'i'm-an-ex-assassin-turned-shield-agent-turned-avenger' persona) when all you did was whine about the inaccuracies

but now it's your thing :)

anyways back to yelena-

she's the neediest person you've ever met

fanny (her dog) is less of an attention wh*re than her

like honestly you could be doing anything and she'll walk into your room, sit on your bed (regardless of whether you're still in it or not) and just cuddle whatever part of you she can reach

she gives no fucks about awkwardness

it gets to a point where people don't know if you're dating or not

which is like, fine, y'know? neither of you really try to correct people (at least not anymore), except she's ace and aro and isn't interested in dating, and at this point it would be weird to date you

(she said that in the nicest way she could and nat still scolded her for half an hour about politeness and manners, all while you stood in a corner laughing your ass off at the entire situation)

plus you're convinced she's way out of your league

like that woman (yelena, nat too, but specifically yelena) is so. fucking. awesome.

you've watched her take people out with nothing but a paper clip and a teddy bear

(the teddy bear was just for show)

so yes the woman is a badass and you will fight anyone that argues otherwise

excluding nat, but even she knows how badass her sister is

but anyways the snap happens while you and yelena are at some widow's house or something (you're not entirely sure the situation was very confusing)

and then you return and five years have passed?? and the widow-maybe-not-widow has a husband? and a kid?

and apparently nat died but then somehow got brought back to life? or was like... unkilled?

at least yelena used the word "unkilled"

nat said her soul was traded for the soul stone and then captain america traded it back for her soul??? it was a very very rough conversation

so anyways after you and yelena got caught up you met hawkeye

that was interesting

you accidentally scared him bc his hearing aids were off so he tried killing you with a quarter

that was fun

you're now 25¢ richer (more like less-poor)

and then clint's partner? sidekick? protege?? walked in

instant heart eyes

from both of you

neither of you knew

the others immediately started making bets

you... did not realize you were in love

you've never been in love before! how were you supposed to know that feeling was romantic attraction!? no one taught you that!

kate on the other hand

fucking WHIPPED

like you got a papercut once (it was yelena's fault :( she threw an envelope at you instead of nat)

kate flipped out

literally almost flipped a table trying to get to you with an entire, brand new first aid kit

it was hilarious but you were too busy pouting at yelena to notice

a week later yelena and nat were sparring, so obviously you were sitting on the bench taking notes because oh my god it's THE natasha romanoff in a spar right in front of you???

also yelena had this one trick you couldn't master so you were studying her fighting moves (also just so you could finally beat her in a fight)

kate did not like that

well more like she didn't like that she was like 10 feet away sparring with clint and you just barely missed her flipping him over her shoulder (and accidentally almost dislocating his in the process)

it's fine he was fine clint is FINE

but yeah you didn't notice her and it hurt :')

clint finds the entire situation hilarious

yelena wants to help but she's protective and doesn't want kate to break your heart (you're fragile. even if you aren't. you're fragile, to her at least)

nat is also protective, but she also has more confidence in your ability to recover from heartbreak than her sister does LKSHFKGDF

so she decides to take pity on kate (for your sake) and help her

but nat isn't really one for "dating" all that much and only really knows what she's had to learn for missions, so she tells kate to just "put the truth out there. no big deal, she feels the same way. you're welcome"

kate did not follow nat's advice

she just kept pining

and getting jealous

somehow it became a vicious cycle

but then one day, team widowhawk (clint and kate voted for team hawkwidow but it was 3 vs 2 so guess who won 🙃) had to take down a smuggling ring or something

and you and yelena ended up having to pretend to be each other's date to the event

it was awkward for everyone

but it was the push kate needed to finally admit her feelings

only she got scared, started rambling, and then kissed you mid-sentence (it was her sentence?? she cut herself off by kissing you and it was so funny yes the others recorded it)

then you started kissing her back (just because you know nothing about dating doesn't mean you don't know how to kiss, kate learned that night)

and suddenly she realized she was kissing you without consent

so she pulled back and started apologizing

which only led to more rambles and she was literally on the verge of tears

"katie it's fine, you can kiss me all you want" -you

"i thought i told you not to call me that" -kate, wiping her tears

"you did, but i'm not gonna stop unless you make me" -you said with a wink

she did not get the hint until yelena yelled, "Kate Bishop, she wants you to kiss her again"

and then she did

and yelena said "see? you are funny sometimes, Kate Bishop!"

and now you have a reckless dumbass of a girlfriend to look after and kate has a dumbass ex-assassin girlfriend to look after