#i LOOOOOVVVEE them

[festering-bacteria]

Alix, Marc and Nathaniel done!!

They are soooo silly I love themb

[crow-raven-crow]

I love everything you write feat Larissa Weems esp sub!Larissa, do you have plans to write more of that? If not I'd love to request some but everything is completely up to you, I just love the idea of her trusting someone enough to submit like that!

𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐬

𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 - [𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰 𝟏𝟖+]

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

Larissa Weems x Shapeshifter f!reader words: ~2.7k 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: texting, fluff, photos, voice messages, NSFW, sub!Larissa, dom!Reader, g!p Reader, shape shifted dick, oral sex, pinning, fingering, overstimulation, slight voyeurism, dumbification, marking, scratching, praise kink, slight degradation

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 see above

masterlist

AO3 link in title ✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

a/n: i looooovvvee sub!Larissa and I think it's definately going to start showing more in some of the things I put out. i love the idea of her trusting someone like that. She's been through so much, so allowing herself to give her body to someone can mean more than what meets the eye.

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

You had left your shared questers a bit earlier this morning, with the hope of getting some extra work done to share a better weekend with Larissa. You hadn't been gone for long, only about 10 minutes until your class was to start for the day, when you saw an abundance of messaged being sent to your phone. It wasn't often that you found your phone blowing up with messages from your lover, but when it did it was always full of a night of fun.

You had gotten a few messaged from her while you were grading your last paper, and decided to look at all of them when you were finished. The constant flashing of your phone screen and the small buzzing against the desk did a good job in distracting you, however, and ultimately left you with the assignment nearly finished.

You grabbed your phone, quickly typed in your password, and opened your messages as the first small group of students had walked into your class. You looked up and gave them a small 'good morning' before throwing your focus back to your woman.

When you had looked back at your phone, there were more messages being thrown your way, photos stacked together of her in the most delicious lingerie you had seen her in to date. The dark colors contrasted her pale skin in a way that made your mouth water. As you scrolled through all of them, the air from your lungs stilled and your heart rate quickened. When you scrolled back to the bottom, there was one message from 15 seconds ago.

Riss: Like what you see? I've heard I can be quite the distraction..

Y/N: If I knew you were sending me these, I would've opened my messages much sooner.. Such a beauty for me, aren't you?

Your face paired with a deep blush and a smirk had made a home on your lips. You scrolled back to the photos, lost in the traces she always managed to capture you in, before being shocked back to reality as the school bell rang through the room.

Riss: Better get to work - I'd hate to be the reason you couldn't focus

Y/N: You should do the same, hmm? Focus for me, love. You might get rewarded at the end of today, so behave

With that you let out a sign as you stood, clicking your phone off and placing it into a drawer for safe keeping. You looked around the room, seeing your students all ready to learn, and smiled.

Throughout your lessons, your mind had wandered back to the photos that plagued your mind. There were moments where you had your students doing independent work at the end of your classes and you had caught yourself simply staring at your computer screen as you imagined everything you could do to her..

The way the lingerie hugged her body was enchanting, the lace highlighting every curve and the sheer fabric leaving nothing to the imagination.. Her skin was the mere empty canvas that you were sure to fill up with your art when you were able to capture her in your arms, pulling the fabric off her body as your cold fingertips left goosebumps along her skin, grabbing onto her hips as she arched into you with every mark.

You were once again snapped away from your desires when there were questions about the assignment being thrown your way. You stood from your desk, feeling the warmth that had pooled between your thighs, and went over to answer any questions or clear up any comments they had.

This was going to be a long day..

~~

Your lunch break had come at an agonizingly slow pace - looking at the clock multiple times over the hours that had passed didn't help either. You were lucky to have your classroom alone, ushering the last student out of the room, before shutting and locking the door.

You basically ran back to your seat. Hearing your phone buzz in your desk drawer only made you riled up, especially because you knew each message was from your good girl..

You threw all focus out the window as you leaned back against your office chair, phone in hand. Your breathing had already picked up significantly, and you were waiting for your brain to absolutely short circuit at anything else she managed to come up with.

You had to stop yourself from drooling as you opened the app, a segment of photos allowing her sliver of control to unfold. There were groups of photos, all seemingly going together as she slowly had less clothing on in each one. The first was her taking off her coat and settling herself on the bed, photos being taken from the reflection of one of the mirrors or with her front camera. The next was her slipping off her dress, the pale skin becoming exposed within the walls of your shared bedroom.

The last nearly had you calling out for the rest of the day. The first photo in the group was a body shot of her in the lingerie she showed you this morning, followed by one with her hand between her thighs, then her fingers moving the fabric away to show how incredibly drenched she was, then her fingers running through her folds, and the last one showing her fingers knuckle deep in her cunt.

The last segment was sent three minutes ago..

Y/N: What did I say about behaving?

Riss: I took it as a suggestion

Y/N: One you didn't follow

Riss: Correct - and one I won't follow today

The last text from her made you groan, and you knew she wouldn't let up. The fact was proven as your own message was cut off from another one sent from her - a beautiful voice message full of her moans..

The sound of her made your your body curl forward in heat, electricity course through you, and make your whole body tingle. The want that settled itself between your legs only grew, and you couldn't wait for this work day to be over.

Y/N: You better not cum. You'll edge yourself until it's my fingers, my cock that fills you. Understood?

Riss: Yes, Y/n

Y/N: Good girl..

~~

You were practically running through the halls after you cleared out your classroom, after you gathered all your things and locked your door like a madman. She sent you updates, proving to you that she didn't cum, proving that she could be a good girl for you..

And it only made your body ache and burn with immense need..

You barged into her office, dropping your things by the door and locking it behind you, before stalking over to your shared quarters. You could hear her muffled moans through the wood, but nothing could've prepared you for the sight you were about to see.

She was sprawled out onto the bed, her lingerie still on as one hand pumped her fingers in and out of her core at a slow pace. Her head was thrown back in pleasure, and you could barely see the tears that were threatening to fall from the amount of times she almost reached her peak. Her face and chest were flushed, a sheen of sweat covering her pale skin as her body trembled.

Suddenly, you were eternally thankful that it was the weekend.

“Y/N, I-“ She was cut off by her own moans, her fingers working at a quicker pace as her eyes filled with desperation. “Plea- Please.. I need you-“

“You have no right to beg for me, my love.” Your voice boomed as you treaded over to her, taking your shirt off before placing your body above her own as you grabbed her hands, removing her fingers from her core and pinning them above her head. “Couldn’t wait for me, couldn’t behave.. It’s going to be so sweet destroying you…”

Your gaze filtered between both of her eyes, finding unquenchable need swirling in them. You took her hand and saw the slick that covered her fingers, before looking back at her and taking them into your mouth. Your eyes fluttered shut at the taste of her, your tongue swirling around her digits as her eyes burned into your every move.

You released them from your mouth slowly, loving the way her entire focus was on you alone, and pinned it back with her other hand. You moved your head low, down to her ear, and your voice rang out low, full of lust and the need to take her. “I wonder just how much you can take, just how many times I can make my goddess cum, hmm?”

You were met back with whimpers leaving her throat and her back arching into your touch. You kissed along her jawline, stopping just above her lips, and whispered against them. “Color?”

“Gre- Green.. please-“

Your lips crashed into hers, your own need driving your actions as you swiped your tongue along her bottom lip. She gladly let you in, your tongues dancing together and translating the growing flame that traveled throughout your beings.

You kissed down her neck, meeting her pulse point and leaving a deep mark there, licking up the porcelain column right after. You were torturing her already; you could tell by the way her hips bucked and how ragged her breathing had gotten. “Absolutely delicious..”

You placed featherlight kisses down her body, your hands releasing your grip around her wrists and traveling underneath her to unclasp her bra, tossing it somewhere in the room right after. Your fingers traced over her breasts, squeezing the soft skin in the palms of your hands, feeling her nipples harden under your touch.

You licked over her right bud and rolled the other between your fingers, the action causing loud whimpers to leave the sapphire beauty. Her back arched, pushing her breasts into your touch, as your other hand scratched lightly along her side. You gave her other bud the same attention, pulling back after and adoring the marks that were left along her skin, adoring just how much she wished that you would dive into her, give her what she wants, what she needs..

It only urged you forward, even if it was at a torturous pace..

You kissed down her body, marking up the canvas that she provided you, and had to stop due to the overwhelming desire that the smell of her arousal had filled you with. You moved your hand down to her hips and tore away that separated you from her core. She was drenched, her own arousal flooding out of her.

“All this for me?”

"Yes- Yes, Y/n please.. I need-"

You cut her off before she could finished her sentence, your tongue running through her folds at an excruciatingly slow pace, putting pressure against her clit before you pulled away completely. You were met with protests, whimpers and whines from the blonde, only to be cut off by her moans as you did the same thing.

You loved toying with her

But as her hands met your shoulders, digging her nails into your skin, as her moans got louder and less filtered, you lost the rest of your resolve.

Your tongue moved in and out of her core, fucking her and collecting everything she had to offer as your hands locked onto her hips, keeping her from moving as you made her see stars. Her first orgasm came fast, her thighs flexing and threatening to close around your head.

You moved your tongue to circle her clit to build her up for the next one, pushing two fingers into her core and moaning as her walls clenched around them. You felt her back arch underneath you, hearing her moans grow higher in pitch made your own arousal flood between your thighs. "F-Fuck! Pleas- Pleaseplease- so good"

Her moans slurred her words together, and you knew she was nearing her second orgasm soon. You applied more pressure to her clit, curling your fingers in a way that had her falling over the edge all over again. You built her back down from her high, taking a moment to take off the rest of your clothes before kissing back up her body.

She grabbed your jaw and pulled you in for a passionate and heated kiss. You shifted the lower part of your body as you kissed her, your length rubbing against her core and making her break the kiss. "Y/n.. can you- could- Gods, fuck me- please.."

"Anything for you, my darling.."

You kissed her once more, translating more softness in the touch, as you moved a hand down and lined up your member with her core. Her eyes widened slightly as you teased her entrance, always forgetting just how much of you there was.

“You can take it, sweet thing.. Gods, you feel amazing around me..” You pushed inside of her, the overwhelming pleasure making your head fall and your eyes flutter shut. Fucking Larissa was always a pleasure, both of you understanding just how delicious it was to fill the other and feel everything, but with how she was acting today, it made fucking her senseless all the more better.

"I can- I can, y/n.. I want all of you.." Her nails scratched into your back as you continued to push into her.

“That’s my girl..” Your hips met hers, and you took the time of her adjusting to your length to move down to her ear and whisper out to her. “You look divine beneath me, taking all of me like a good little slut, absolutely beautiful taking my cock like the whore you are, hmm?”

She gave you the signal to move, and the sensations that coursed through your body were divine enough to nearly make you double over. Your thrusts got rougher, faster in pace, and you moaned low above Larissa at the feeling of her around you.

"Such a good girl for me, hmm?" You moaned loudly as she clenched around you at the praise you threw at her.

"Yes- your good girl, so good-" Her head was thrown back in pleasure, her brows furrowed closely, and her eyes half lidded in lust. She was close, the way her nails dug into your back and the way she urged you to go faster made that apparent. You felt your own high coming, building behind your navel and tightening, ready to snap.

"I-I'm close.. let- let me cum- please-" You loved the way she begged, her pleas falling from her lips so easily for you.

"Cum for me, love.. Let go - I got you.." You whispered low into her ear, your words being the allowance to send her over the edge and you to follow right after her.

The room filled with your high pitched moans and heavy breaths, a layer of sweat resting along the skin of you both at the actions you'd both been through. You gently pulled out of her and shifted back to your normal form, only to be met with whimpers from your lover beneath you.

"I know, baby.. I know, I'm sorry.." You planted kissed all around her face and gently rubbed your hands along her sides, in acts of reassurance. "Let me clean you up, hmm?"

You were back just as quickly, a glass of water and a wet, warm rag in hang. You moved her to sit up against the pillows, holding the water to her lips and allowing her to drink as much as she wanted. You placed it on your bedside table, and moved to softly clean her up, tossing the rag aside when you were all done.

You moved the covers back, moving her body under them, and covering you both right after. Pulling her into your arms was the greatest reward - the way she nuzzled into your neck and placed soft kisses along it only making your heart soar.

"I wasn't too much, was I? You're okay?" Your fingers traced along her sides and rubbed warm circled on her back. It was always important to you to make sure she truly enjoyed herself and everything that had taken place.

"It was amazing.. You're perfect, my dear.." Her voice rang out against your skin, her accent filling your ears and easing all your worries. You pulled her impossibly closer, your legs tangling together as your breaths traveled along each others skin.

Your hearts were happy there, and it reminded you both how everything about you two was much better than the photos.

~~

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𝐚/𝐧: i know i say this every time, but this one was so fun to write.

i've realized how much i adore sub!Larissa, and i've also seen shapshifter!Reader float around more recently

which made this absolute joy of a fic

i hope you enjoyed this, anon, because i definately enjoyed writing it

if you saw errors no you didnt <3

x,

~ 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐯𝐲𝐧

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: (tagged anyone who asked/wanted to be on the "all works" taglist)

@autumn-leaves-chasing-breeze @weemssapphic @readingtheentrails @finnja555 @barbarasstar @s-c-rambledegggs @vendocrap8008 @gwendolinechristieiscute @lilfartbox1 @agathaandgwenslesbian @lvinhs @elvira-dear @kimiinou

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[silversodas]

There Is A Song That Vox and Val Remind Me Of

Lose Control by Teddy Swims.

So starting with Val’s temper tantrum and what Velvette said about waiting for Vox to calm him down. I thought that was…odd, especially for a grown ass man. When he gets to the suit where Val is fuming is where the song part comes in

“Feels like the walls are all closing in, and the Devils knocking at my door”

The Red smoke is the social poison that Val carried around in life that manifested itself as a literal poison in death. He is sitting and stewing in his own poison and wants relief given by Vox

“Outta my mind, how many times, did I tell you I am no good at being alone? Yea It’s taken a toll on me, trying my best to keep from tearing the skin off my bones”

FUCKING FINALLY!!

I thought that was just to show how dramatic of a bitch Val was (and he is) but think it’s to show he suffers from his own bullshit, his own poison, and Vox is what gives him relief

“I am falling apart right in front of you can’t you see!!”

Val was more or less trapped in his own bullshit cloud and making it everyone else’s problem, and it’s only when he vents it to Vox that he is starting to noticeably get better. And honestly I feel pretty bad for Vox here, because we kinda know now that they are dating, and Val is venting about some other fucking dude that he obsesses over. I mean I totally get why he doesn’t seem to like Angel now. (Even though Val is the one at fault) What’s interesting though is he doesn’t enable Val like a lot of piss babies like Val go to their S.Os for

(I borrowed some of these images from a video called Vox being a mood and that’s why only some images have texts on them)

I love that Vox’s old time tv voice sounds more distorted and demonic the angrier he gets, he could be as creepy as Alastor if he wanted to be

“I lose control when your not next to me”

What do you think chasing whores around town will do for our image?

Uh..fuck it up?

RIGHT!!

Feels like you could have come to that conclusion yourself there Val. I mean yeah maybe he is just stupid, but it feels like Vox is 100% of Val’s impulse control, he keeps Val from losing control, not only that, he seems to help Val think more clearly and without so much poisonous emotion

I really wanted to shoot someone

Well, let me send up the lowest earners this month

At this point Val sounds completely snapped out of it, and doesn’t sound angry anymore. And Vox, while he doesn’t enable Val, he does coddle him and that’s not any better, if anything it just encourages Val to act like this when something is wrong and Vox will come and fix it.

It seems that Vox has not set boundaries with Val that he can’t act like that to get his attention and that if he needs him when he is distressed then he needs to talk to him, not kill employees and destroy work property. And because he coddles Val’s behavior it keeps happening and Vox resents him for it

And to make things worse, Val does the opposite for Vox, he spreads his poison and encourages Vox’s impulses and bad emotions

(Seriously! I looooovvvee how creepy his tv voice can sound, hmm maybe it’s just another way he and Alastor are alike. Also his voice actor did such a good job with the delivery of this line! It’s so unsettling)

You can see the poison taking effect when it’s coming out of the side of his mouth

Teddy Swims said he wrote the song based off of toxic relationships and how addictive they can sometimes be. And I need to see more of their relationship, but I definitely think that’s the case with these two

[thehellscene]

I LOOOOOVVVEE bromance tik toks. I watch them all the time

[all-theimagines-stuff]

Why Him? {Remus Lupin x Reader}

Requests closed but they’ll be open again soon! 

Prompt: Anonymous: jealous lupin where a boy in class flirts with y/n?? ty if you can <3

Warnings: angst !!

Remus watched him talk with you for the fourth day in a row. Except he wasn’t just talking and Remus wasn’t just watching. He glared through the boy that flirted with you and laughed with you and smiled at you like he was in love. And Remus felt helpless and angry as he couldn’t even bring himself to say hello. 

“Moony? Lupin? Remus!” Sirius yelled into his year while James shook him slightly. 

“What?” Remus snapped. His attention changed to his friends but his blood continued to boil. 

“He’s not going to catch on fire no matter how long you stare,” James leaned against the desk pointing at the boy who sat next to you. 

“I’m-I’m not staring.”

“You’re right. You’re not staring, you’re glaring,” Sirius’ hand clapped down on his shoulder. “Just talk to (Y/N).”

“(Y/N)? Whaaaaa. Not (Y/N),” Remus turned away from his friends with a red face. After being yelled at by Slughorn to quiet down the boys left him alone for the rest of class. But he still felt a pang of jealousy as the boy laughed with you like you were old friends. 

Potions ended and you were the last to leave the room. The four marauders stood outside the classroom with Remus. He kept trying to walk down the hall but the three boys held him back. 

“You need to talk to (Y/N)!” Peter said excitedly.

“We all know you are in looooovvvee,” Sirius mocked. James shoved him in front of the door as you began to open it. The door swung open and Remus stumbled back as his head collided with the edge of the door. 

 “I am so sorry! Oh my goodness! I didn’t see you! I am so so sorry,” the words tumbled out of your mouth. The other marauders had slinked away to watch from a distance. 

“It’s fine. It was my fault,” He winced and held his head. You lightly grabbed his arm. His cheeks turned red and his face turned to surprise.

“Are you sure your alright? You hit your head pretty hard.” 

“I’m fine really.” You rocked back on your heels while Remus stood straight. He could see his friends making hand motions and kissy faces. Remus rolled his eyes and you looked at the floor a bit hurt. 

“Oh no! Not you! My friends are just um making suggestions.” You laughed. God, he loved that laugh especially when he caused it. He hadn’t realized he was smiling until he cocked your head, smiling back. 

“What?” He smiled even bigger when he saw you return his smile. 

“Nothing. I’m just surprised that’s all.” You looked even more confused than before.

“Surprised about?”

“You.” You raised your eyebrow. “I thought you liked someone else. You know um- ‘cause like the way you talk with him in class.”

“Malfoy?” You laughed so hard you doubled over. Remus looked taken back. James ran his hand down his face and Sirius smacked his head on the wall. “Remus, think about that. Me and Malfoy. That is truly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“Oh. It’s just the way-” Remus had words falling out of his mouth as his face continued to grow increasingly redder. 

“Is someone jealous?” you prodded. He shook his head ‘no’ but you just smiled. “Well, it’s nice to know you feel the same.” He lifted his head, a small smile began to reach from ear to ear. He took a step closer to you.

“Can I- um- maybe- like um,” You both began to lean in. Your lips came close to connecting but you were quickly interrupted. 

“Get it Moony!” Sirius yelled. You jumped back, your forehead hitting his. You turned around, your cheeks turned lobster red. Remus glared at them, unamused by their childish antics. They all stopped laughing and gave him a thumbs-up before running off. Once the other marauders were gone Remus wrapped his arms tightly around your waist. Your arms wrapped around his neck, bringing his lips closer to yours. 

“Can I kiss you now?” You laughed and he pulled you close, kissing you fiercely.

[intergalactic-donut]

👻Vampire

👻Vampire: What is your favorite supernatural creature?

.....vampires. They’ve been my favorite ever since I was a kid(probably since I was..7?? idk it’s been a long time). I love everything about them!! Yes I know people say they're “”overrated”” but seriously though, they’re rad as fuck imo

It also doesn’t matter how they look, hot, ugly, monstrous, I looooovvvee tthheeeeemmm

[red-dyed-sarumane]

Risru "Good Morning" Twitcast 8.12.17

•opens with pirates of the caribbean music •attempts to be dramatic and starts laughing so he switched to his usual bgm •talked a bit about the mono palette lives •interrupting a lot to say good morning to commenters •kurumi ponchio was mentioned ris why • Commenter: nah risru-san's not like that! he's a nice person Risru: yeah thats it huh •Commenter: Risru-san's a psycopath right? Risru: what makes you say that!?!? •Commenter: isnt this low tension for a morning cast? Risru: eh!? No!! Its not like that, thats not it!!! •he makes a point to introduce himself to first time viewers •commenter asked him to sing an english song and he didnt sound too thrilled about that •he used like a dying-sounding voice kinda •he then decided to up the reverb while using it •"i guess i should stop using this" •he used a filter that makes him sound like a robotic child www •he made it sound deep and threatening •he sung a bit with the deep one on and then still with the filter "ah. this isnt good. all of these arent good" •turned in a kerokero filter and laughed about that "this is interesting huh!" •went to a childish one again "im back" •ITS SO HIGH PITCH •he turned them off wwww •hes trying to get his voice high pitch again without filters and it sounded like he was coughing almost •"i cant do this ww" • he managed for a few words anyway • "AAAAANNDD IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOOOOOVVVEE YOOOOUUUUUU" (twice. it wasnt him singing btw) • space stories!!! he was hesitant to start talking about it • "I managed to raise the tension!!!!" (after playing the english song clip again) • "Right okay!! I'm done here!! (high excited yelling) everyday LET'S D O OUR B E S T!!!!!!!!"

[stevesharrlngtons]

I woukd love it if you added to them, i looooovvvee angst

u ask for it, and it’s here (:

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Eragon”

Because I can.  :b

*scats along with the 20th Century Fox theme*

I love this opening POV shot of the Dragon Rider

Whoever thought of casting Jeremy Irons as Brom needs a gold star because I love it.

I SUFFER WITHOUT MY STONE.  DO NOT.  PROLONG MY SUFFERING.

God Robert Carlyle, you were utterly wasted in this movie.

*dramatic whisper as the title pops up*  Eragon...

Wow, those guards’ armor is terrible.  Whoever made the chain mail easy to penetrate with an arrow really needs to be fired.

Again with Bambi’s mom?!?

Peter Buchman (the screenwriter)... bad dog, no biscuit

DRAMATIC FADE TO BLACK

There’s Sloan... where’s his daughter Katrina?

So I found out why that actor sounds familiar... he plays Captain Tarpals in “The Phantom Menace”...

*Eragon and Roran play fight in the barn*  So turns out me and my sister used to reenact this scene when we were younger.  Because we’re nerds.

Man, it’s a shame that there are actually good actors in this movie and they’re kinda brought down due to this script.

Like what happened to Ed Speleers (Eragon) and Christopher Egan (Roran)?  Or Garret Hedlund (Murtagh)?

Oh snap, Murtagh was in Tron Legacy!

[Eragon watches the sunset after Roran leaves] *starts humming the Binary Sunset theme*

“What are you [Saphira]?  You’re not a bird...” Hmm, I dunno, a dragon comes to mind, but... nah, that can’t be it...

How does Arya sense that Saphira’s hatched?

Eragon, that’s not how you feed a baby anything.  You don’t just hold a milk bag over it and go “Now eat it.”

“The dragon has hatched... but to a mere farm boy.”  How do you know that?

Every time Galbatorix talks, I keep hearing “Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich”

*Durza creates the Ra’zac*  Ummm no, that’s not how that works.

*Saphira ages up mid flight*  Ummm no, that’s not how that works.

*Saphira basically names herself*  Nooo....

“The time of the Dragon Riders has come again.”  No, she doesn’t know that...

God, Eragon has become the Iron Fist of this movie:  you don’t just sneak into somebody’s house!

So let’s keep pressuring your dad to tell you, Eragon, that’s the way to go.

OK, for one, the Ra’zac don’t look like that.  Two, beetles?  Really?

“It’s you they want!”  How do you [Saphira] know?

“Stupid boy!”  Basically a summary of the Inheritance cycle.

So basically Eragon is like a much whinier, younger, annoying ANH Luke Skywalker throughout this movie and most of the book series.

And now it’s raining.

I forgot how pretty most of the scenery is in this movie.

I looooovvvee Brom’s black horse

“Why here?” “Because I said here.”  Bring his ass down, Brom.

“Seventeen!”  Wasn’t Eragon 15 in the book?

OK, but here’s the thing:  we’re not even supposed to see Galbatorix until the last book.

Saphira literally shouldn’t be able to know half of the exposition in this movie.  She has about as much information as Eragon at this point.

There’s literally so much tension in a scene where Durza stabs someone’s toe with a blade.  Calm thyselves.

More shots of them riding horses!

“Oh no, the Urgals are slaughtering a village, killing women and children!  Let’s go sword training!”

*sing songs* Priorities...

Whoa, wait, those were the Urgals?  Ugh.  They’re supposed to be these Minotaur looking MOFOs

OK, shut up movie, this is definitely not night time.  Saphira should not be out then.

Brom:  *does something*

Eragon:  WHAT DID YOU DOOOO?!!?!?!?

Oh my gosh, I didn’t realize that there are so many filters used in this movie.  I like the color schemes used but there is no way there is grass that green.

Brom:  Don’t talk to anyone.

Eragon:  OK (goes off and meets up with Angela)

Oh my God, they ruined Angela.  So much. 

Like seriously, where’s Solembum?

Angela in this movie has some seriously bad cataracts or something.

BLUE FIRE!!!!

*Urgals fly into the water*  I FLEW IN FOR NO REASONNNNN!!!

ME TOOOOOO!!!

CANNONBAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!

Eragon:  Holy snot I used MaGicCCC?!?!?!?

Eragon seems to me like Taran from the Prydain Chronicles.  Actually a lot of the plot of this book series seemed kinda recycled from most epic fairy tales and other published stories.

This is kind of a loose explanation of the Ancient Language.

Where has been Brom stashing the dragon saddle this whole time?

HANG ON WITH BOTH HANDS, YOU MORON!

Brom, there is no way Eragon can hear you from down there.

“It’s easy; I can do this.”  Pfffttt.  Nope.

That Insagram filter though!

*Saphira crashes into a tree*  WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!  WATCH OUT FOR THAT.... TREEEEEEE!!!

BUM BUM BUM BUM BA BUM!

Is Brom putting mustard on Saphira’s wing?

“Better to ask forgiveness than permission.”  Oh shut up, Eragon.

“Dragon Rider...”  How did you [Eragon] know?

OK, probably one of the best things in this movie is Zar’roc, the freaking sword, because its design is pretty sweet.

That was kind of an abrupt scene transition.

Durza’s outfit looks like it’s covered in sequins.

He stabbed the Urgal... in the temple... with his fingernail...

Oh now that was a cool transition!

“Gilead’s the opposite direction!”  Well if they were actually going to Dras-Leona like they do in the books, that would be correct.  And they were also hunting down the Ra’zac instead of just camping out for funsies.

Era-gun?

“I’m the rider and I say we go.”  Bitch!

Who are these hooded assholes?

The main architect at Gilead, when building this, probably went “Hmm, y’know, m’Lord, this place seems too kind of evil for nice soft candles.  Let’s go with flaming grills and torches everywhere!” and Galbatorix replied with “Malkovich!  Brilliant!  And make everything look rectangular!”  And here we are.

Now how does Eragon keep continuing to use the Ancient Language even though we know that he knows that it wears him out every time he uses it?

Robert Carlyle was utterly WASTED!  Like this upsets me.

WHY DO YOU KEEP USING BRISINGR!

DURZA... BOY... YOU DON’T USE BRISINGR TO LEVITATE A SWORD!

They use Orc noises for Saphira

They tell you in the movie that Saphira doesn’t like Zar’roc because it’s “a dragon killer” but when Eragon pulls out the sword, Saphira immediately comes to it.

BOY[Eragon]!  STOP SMILING!  YOUR DAD IS DYING!

Now when did Eragon take the time to learn some more of the Ancient Language?

OK, so Brom can understand Eragon and Saphira when they talk to each other, so yeah, his last scene in this movie is sad.

*Saphira sits up to mourn Brom*  That’s awesome.

[Arya shows Eragon how to reach the Varden]  *sings* DON’T GO CHASING WATERFALLS/ PLEASE STICK TO THE RIVERS AND THE LAKES THAT YOU’RE USED TO

How does Murtagh know where the Varden are?

More shots of horseback riding!

That Urgal just leapt out of nowhere for no reason at all.

Oh my God, Malkovich...

He is annoyingly American in this movie.  Like why would you be afraid of this dude?

Man, Djimon Hounsou needs to get a lead role someday.  Like he’s too good for most of the movies he’s in.

The guy who plays Hrothgar looks really familiar for some reason...

Man, even before OUAT started, Robert Carlyle still had to deal with his character’s bad teeth problem.

Y’know, for Du Weldenvarden, this is pretty small.

This movie is pretty much kind of a rip off of “A New Hope:”  boy wants to do more, lives with his uncle, said uncle dies and gets burnt, boy travels along with father figure (in this case Brom’s actually his father so spoiler), father figure dies via bad guy who also has mystical powers, boy has the same job as father figure, boy defeats evil via super specific small weak point while in/on a flying object, boy has to go rescue princess

Are they planning out the battle on the sidewalk with charcoal?

You expect this naive seventeen year old who barely knows anything to lead the Varden into battle?  Haaa......

*Urgals burst through the Wall*  WHO’S GOT THE BARBECUE???

Y’know, for a climatic final battle, this is puny

INTO THE SKY!  TO WIN OR DIE!

“Yeah!”  We burnt down half the Varden!  Heck yeah!

Arya, as of this point in the movie, has probably had zero character development

Oh no, more marching Neanderthals...

Abba blacka what?

So literally for this final battle, Durza summons a dark smoke Pokemon.

“This wound weakens me.”  No crap, Saphira.

“I know what I have to do.”  Fire the proton torpedoes?

And Eragon dies from the fall.  End of movie.  Cue end credits music.

OK, I can’t deny the fact that Eragon’s battle armor looks sweet.

WEISS!!!  HEILL!!!

Why does Murtagh remind me of a Discount Kylo Ren?

All of the Varden are cheering because Eragon and Saphira wrecked their town last night.  Like “Eh, better cheer for this asshole as he freaking leaves us!  Thank God!”

@dynamicdiplomacy, what was that one Snapchat conversation we had about Luke coming back to the base after destroying the first Death Star?

“When will I see you [Arya] again?”  Never.

What’s with the Native American theme for Arya in this movie?

Shruiken!

KEEEEEEPPPP HOOOOLDINGGG OOOONNNNN!!!!

Why do the credits have a picture of a gryphon for the background?

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

hello, happy 4 year anniversary!!! i can’t believe you’ve had this blog for four years, i’ve been following it for at least two! this is for your anniversary ships!

i would like a marvel ship and preferably a guy! i have a hard time describing myself, because i feel like my personality changes a lot depending on who i’m with. i’m not sure if you believe in this stuff, but if it helps you out i’m a cancer ♋️ and an INFJ! i’m kind of moody, but i have a lot of patience and don’t take myself very seriously. i get along really well with extroverts even though i’m very introverted, and most of my friends are very loud social butterflies. i daydream a lot, and think i’m a very traditional romantic who would take care of their partner by cooking for them and doing whatever i could to show them i love them! others have described me as being quiet, sassy, observant, and funny. i don’t like to break rules and prefer to avoid conflict as much as possible. i’m the mediator in a lot of situations. as for my interests i really enjoy baking pastries and sweets, playing video games on my nintendo switch, daydreaming, anything involving beauty and self care, and i looooovvvee animals and the outdoors!!! i would consider working with animals my number one passion, and i’m actually studying biology right now. i love to go on walks and hikes and could just stay outside in nature for hours and not get bored.

as for you, after reading your description of yourself i ship you with steve rogers!!! i just feel like you’re the ultimate mom friend and he’s the ultimate dad friend so y’all would totally be a power couple!!! i could see you two being the unofficial mom and dad of the avengers lolol

thank you so much for what you do and i love your blog! 💕 i’ve been following you for a while already and will continue to because you’re such an amazing writer!!!

I ship you with Tony Stark

I think the pair of you would have a lot of fun together. While Tony has all the outward traits of an extrovert, at his heart of hearts he is an introvert whose closest friends allow him to calm down and just be himself. He'd find that in you while also keeping you on your toes. Sass matches are a must and are your love language. He'd push your limits, testing to see where your breaking point is before backing off and respecting the line. He'd make jokes about all the animals you keep saying you like to take in strays, himself included. He will also eat everything you make with great enthusiasm.

And another one for Steve Rogers! More and more this man appears to be my Marvel husband. 😂

(5/30)

[bretttal]

kingcdg replied to your post:waking up to g sending me nsfw gifs like hell yea

i remembered what i sent this time uwu

uvu lovely contrast in skin tone and lovely, lovely... you know