#i JUST figured out how to find drafts so let me just.... process and stuff and i'll try to slide some stuff out to people in day or two

[greatseedling]

so i went on a little trip to see my family and tumblr changed on me pls bare with me!! i am lost, i am confusion.

[jonnywaistcoat]

Hey, Horrormaster Sims. I have a wildly different question that barely relates to TMA (Sorry about that) but its about your own process. Please, if you could, can you tell me how your first drafts made you feel? I'm on the fence about writing my own thing (not a podcast, and again, not Magnus related, though I have a million little aus for that delightful tragedy you wrote, thank you for that!) But I'm discouraged by the collective notion that first drafts are always terrible, because there's no ... examples I can solidly use to help the dumb anxiety beast in my brain that tells me everyone who is in any way popular popped out a golden turd and not, well, you know. One of my friends said 'Oh I bet Jonathan Sims's first draft was nothing like what he wanted' and I got the bright idea to just. Send you an ask, since you're trapped on this hellsite like I am. Anyway, thanks for reading this (if you do) and if you'd rather ask it privately, I am cool with that. Alternatively, you're a hella busy man with Protocol (you and Alex are making me rabid, i hope you know) and you can just ignore this! Cheers, man, and good words.

To my mind all writing advice, especially stuff that's dispensed as truisms (like "first drafts are always garbage") are only useful inasmuch as such advice prompts you to pay attention to how you write best: what helps your workflow, what inspires you, what keeps you going through the rough bits. There are as many different ways to write (and write well) as there are people who write and so always consider this sort of thing a jumping off point to try out or keep in mind as you gradually figure out your own ways of writing.

On first drafts specifically, I think the wisdom "all first drafts are bad" is a bit of unhelpful oversimplification of the fact that, deadlines notwithstanding, no piece of writing goes out until you decide its ready, so don't get too hung up on your first draft of a thing, because a lot of writers find it much easier to edit a complete work than to try and redraft as they go. It's also important to not let perfectionism or the fact your initial draft isn't coming out exactly how you want stop you from actually finishing the thing, as it's always better to have something decent and done than to have something perfect and abandoned.

But the idea of a "first draft" is also kind of a fluid one. The "first draft" you submit to someone who's commissioned you will probably be one you've already done a bunch of tweaks and edits to, as opposed to the "first draft" you pump out in a frenzy in an over-caffeinated weekend. For my part, my first drafts tend to end up a bit more polished than most, because I'm in the habit of reading my sentences out loud as I write them (a habit picked up from years of audio writing) so I'll often write and re-write a particular sentence or paragraph a few times to get the rhythm right before moving to the next one. This means my first drafts tend to take longer, but are a bit less messy. I'm also a big-time planner and pretty good at sticking to the structures I lay out so, again, tend to front load a lot of stuff so I get a better but slower first draft.

At the end of the day, though, the important thing is to get in your head about it in a good way (How do I write best? what helps me make writing I enjoy and value? What keeps me motivated?) and not in a bad way (What if it's not good enough? What if everyone hates it? What if it doesn't make sense?) so that you actually get it done.

As for how my first drafts made me feel? Terrible, every one of 'em No idea if that's reflective of their quality, though, tbh - I hate reading my own writing until I've had a chance to forget it's mine (I can only ever see the flaws). I suppose there's theoretically a none-zero chance they were pure fragments of True Art and creative perfection, but Alex's editing notes make that seem unlikely.

[justheblueberry]

the process of binding a study in scarlette:

SO. i had a Vision for this fic, right from the start. so many new things i wanted to do and almost no idea how to do it. but let's start from the beginning, shall we?

i usually don't do anywhere NEAR this amount of brainstorming and designing but the fic has so many motifs and details that i knew i wanted to fit in, so i had to draw it all out and piece everything together.

here are a few of my behind-the-scenes brainstorming notes:

this was the very first brainstorm i did, it was basically me flinging a bunch of cool book stuff i saw other people doing at the wall and seeing what stuck in my brain.

this was an idea for a cover which incorporated symbols for each of the chapters inside the branches, but i just wasn't fond of the execution of the draft. so i scrapped it, eventually settling on the silhouette cover for the final.

i had big dreams! and not much experience to back it up with ! so after finishing the typeset, i put it aside for a bit and did a couple other binds first.

this was my second brainstorm, i started to figure out the direction i wanted the illustrations to go in, no longer aimlessly tossing vibes around!

i did a lot of waffling about different versions of the back cover design. here's a couple that i scrapped!

over the summer, i decided to finally stop procrastinating and printed out the typeset (after making a few revisions to it). it's a Chonk. i pressed it some, which helped, but it definitely still had a lot of swell.

sewing with red thread.

endpapers cut, glued, and a glow in the dark paint test.

built a press...up til this point i'd just been stacking a bunch of thick books on top of my binds, but for this one i needed a lying press to sand my edges, so i finally caved. who needs tools? my edge painted book needs tools :(

sanding edges with power sander

so. this was my first time doing anything with edges, so i did a little test on a book i already had; it was a bit of a process trying to work out how much i should dilute it, and it took a bit of trial and error. doing the bottom edge first was the right call ^^;; it's the flakiest out of all the edges on the final bind. i'm really happy with the fore edge though, i got a really even and nice coat on it.

rounding, gluing and (an attempt at) backing

so. it was the day before i was moving. i had run out of time to procrastinate any more. the rounding was quite rushed and i barely backed it at all. there was also the fact that i don't have backing boards and was winging it with absolute unfounded confidence. it still turned out okay though so i got away with it!

dug out a 5 yen coin from who knows where for the bookmark. didn't have pliers with me yet so i had to close the crimp with a metal water bottle and arm strength. who needs tools right

endbands. i love sewing endbands, but man, for chonk fics it gets Long. i think they each took like 2-4 hours to do. i briefly considered learning double core endbands for this bind but decided against it as i barely just got a handle on regular ones. discovery: my ambitions have limits!

this was my finalized cover design. i had planned to do it all with htv, but last minute decided to do the silhouette as a linocut instead. i'd never done one before but i had the materials and the fearlessness that only a beginner (who does not know the limits of fear) can have; i think it turned out good :>

the final stretch!!!! it was at this point, when i realized that the size i'd carved the linocut at would be too wide for the half binding case i had planned. improvisation time. i decided to switch from a regular case binding to a three piece bradel. i have only done case bindings and stab bindings at this point...and with only mild panic and stubborn hubris to fuel me, i went for it. i had already attached an oxford hollow and cut my boards, but it probably wouldn't make too much of a difference! fuck around and find out!

cutting the cloth and adhering the htv. the summary on the back was HELL to weed, and some of the letters ended up crooked. i should've just printed it letterpress, but i was running out of patience.

i followed DAS bookbinding's tutorial on youtube of his in-boards three piece bradel and the part where i had to tuck in the spine cloth in between the hollow was definitely the trickiest, but it went okay in the end!

after attaching the boards and gluing down the endpapers i was finally done!!!! after months and months of the unfinished textblock guilting me from the corner of my room, it's finally finished! fancy pics coming soon!

i learned SO MUCH from this bind, sanding edges, painting edges, linocuts, multiple colors of htv, oxford hollows, and a whole new style of binding....yeah. it was a ride! thanks for reading to the end!

[sloppysequinz]

hiii glitz [cool new nickname for you]

i was wondering if you could speak on your writing process? all your stories are so good and as someone who veeery occasionally writes i'm curious how you go about doing it? thanks !

[definitly not drunk-girl shh]

Ok definitely not @drunk-girl! I've been dwelling on this ask for quite a while. I really appreciated the question a lot :) This answer ended up being kind of long so I put it under a read more for courtesy. Also I loooove the nickname glitz <3

So generally my writing process starts with a little seed of an idea. It could be a text post or a photo I see on here, something that happens across my mind while I'm out and about, it could be a suggestion from a friend. Baby's First House Party came from being in a town where I used to go to school and feeling nostalgic about house parties, Step-Mom came from a story with drunken wetting on here that I just found unexpectedly hot, Meet Cute came from memories of when I lived in a place with a screen door that had a view of my whole living room. The idea just has to spark some kind of interest in me. Sometimes I recognize it right away, sometimes it takes a little bit.

Then I usually spend some time fleshing it out, just in my mind. For me, this usually happens right when I'm falling asleep. I tend to daydream about horny stuff in bed anyway, so it kinda comes naturally. I just spend some time figuring out character dynamics, what the "core" scene or scenario I'm getting at, and to be crude, what turns me on. I follow the turn on down the rabbit hole and let it take the wheel. Sometimes I don't realize I have a good idea until I'm lying in bed fantasizing about something I hadn't thought about before. Sometimes I think I have a good idea, but if I cant generate organic fantasies about it, it won't make a good story.

Usually by the time I sit down to write, I have a good idea of what the characters are, the key thing I want to get to, and how I'm going to get there. For characters, I don't necessarily have names, but a general personality and archetype. When I say key "thing", that's usually whatever I find hottest in the imagined scenario that I want to frame in the center. For Step-mom, this was the scene of her drooling on the table and grabbing her own tits while pissing. For Meet Cute, this was Mel staring in awe as Yvette chugged a whole can of beer. For the first Mona and Lacy story, it was Lacy drunkenly begging Mona to drink while calling her mommy. I have a rough idea of how I'm getting those characters to that big scene.

Usually I just sit down and start writing from the beginning, describing the scene as I see it in my head and writing any dialogue I've thought of that seems hot or in character. Sometimes the characters will surprise me and say something I'm not expecting. Sometimes I have enough momentum to just write the whole thing from start to finish and be done, but not usually. Usually I'll write the opening, then I'll just jot down bullet points for the rest of the story. As an example, I pulled this from a draft of a sequel to Meet Cute that I'm still working on:

Yvette's a little forgetful but lets her in

Mel has brought more beer and a bucket of fried chicken

Yvette has two of the 12 beers left and half a pizza

Wants Mel's help to finish the pizza

"Come sit."

Once I have a rough outline of all the events I want to happen, I go back and slowly flesh them out. Depending on how much time I've spent dwelling on the idea, I may take some time here to workshop what works and what doesn't, what's hot and what isn't. Also, sometimes I start with the juice scene I want to get to, then do bullets for both before and after.

Once I've gotten it all written down, I save it as a draft and leave it alone. I come back a day or two later and proofread it. Once I'm done tinkering, I tag it and hit post (sometimes I realize there are typos or mistakes and I'll just edit the post if I have to).

In general though, the strength of my writing comes from the fact that I am a 30 year old woman who writes for my job. My work writing is a very different kind of writing (which makes this a fun break), but all the same, I have a LOT of practice. On top of that, I have multiple academic degrees that required a lot of writing to get. I also love to read and have read a lot of books. My advice if you're looking to get better at writing is just to do a LOT of it, and to read a lot of books. When I first got into intox kink at 21, I couldn't even figure out how to write down my fantasies, and now I just can't stop.

[cinnamontails-ff]

Your writing is absolutely beautiful. ‘The Accountant’s Guide to Taking Down an Evil Vampire Lord’ reads so well. It’s one of my favorite fanfics of all time. I was wondering where you learned to write? Specifically if there are books or videos you could share that had a hand in teaching you. Your character development reads so effortlessly… heck, your story reads so effortlessly. I don’t struggle to stay with you while reading. Would you be willing to give a girl some tips?

First off, please know that your ask put the biggest, goofiest smile on my face ❤ When I first sat down to write "seriously" (i.e. with the intention for other people to see it), I read a number of writing craft books, but what stuck with me the most was "Save the Cat" by Jessica Brody and "Story Genius" by Lisa Cron. Both of them were immensely helpful in figuring out the overall structure of the type of story I like to read, as well as choosing a protagonist who would fit the narrative and actively drive it forward. I've been writing all my life, but it wasn't until I read "Save the Cat" that I ever made it past the 50% mark in a story, and I still return to it for guidance whenever I start a new project.

I also always recommend the Youtube channel of Brandon Sanderson. He's one of the most prolific fantasy authors of our time and whether or not you like his stories, his channel has so many incredible resources that are all free. Like a complete lecture series right here. Another storytelling Youtuber I really enjoy is Tim from "Hello Future Me".

Apart from that, I think the best advice is to read. Read things you like and read things you dislike and try to analyze what it is that does or doesn't work for you. Look at the way they set up a scene, how they progress their characters, and how they make dialogue flow. Take the things you know you love and try to put your own spin on them (My fic writing style is probably best described as "Terry Pratchett on a really horny day").

Don't forget that stories are subjective and that you can never make everyone happy. The goal is to find your niche and write for your audience. I have been asked why I don't make my OCs more conventionally attractive and / or emphasize their hotness. The answer is that there's plenty of stories like that out there - they're just not mine.

I would also like to stress that none of my fics are first drafts. My writing process is very iterative; I'll fast-draft stuff way before I even start posting a fic and then I work my through the draft later and edit as I go. So what you see is the result of a lot of effort and thought behind the scenes, not something I just churn out.

Thank you for reaching out with your love for the story and letting me ramble about my favorite thing! I hope this was somewhat helpful. Have a great day ❤

[fixyourwritinghabits]

Hello! I’been writing a play for a long time now. Started it on march 2022, hit a wall that I didn’t know how to move through and decided to give it a break, let it breathe. The thing is, I can really feel I have something special with it, special for me and for what it means to me, but it’s like I can’t even figure out WHY, and how to give form to it. It’s like an abstract thing inside my brain that I’m not sure how to bring to life in a logical way yet. Cut to 2023, for a short time now I’ve been trying to do it. Do the old trick of “just write even if it’s garbage, but write” and I don’t know how I feel about this. There are moments when I feel that I’m going somewhere, where it just flows. But from a technical and objective point of view I can see that it’s really discursive and nothing really HAPPENS. I fear that I will turn out with something too abstract and with little action, but at the same time, the play revolves around the theme of “being stuck” so that is a big part for it not involving a lot of action. Anyways, I don’t know how to feel and would very much appreciate some advice for this weird kind of blockage 😅🫶🏼

This is a hard part of the writing process to get over, because when you hit this wall, it's hard to see around it. Realistically, you know you have to push through this crappy draft version to get to anything concrete. In practice, though, that's hard to do, especially when you have this grand vision that you just can't get down on paper. Here are some ideas to try:

The sounding board of a second opinion. Often talking your writing woes out with someone will help you figure out how to solve them, even if what that person suggests isn't anything close to what you actually want to do. I went through this process with my writing group earlier this week - in explaining a vague idea for Nanowrimo, a fellow writer made a suggestion that wouldn't work for my story - but it did help me figure out a missing piece of the puzzle to get that concept into a working story. Talking to people about your story can help.

Rubber duck it. Finding people you can comfortably talk to about writing is much easier said than done. Sometimes you slog through alone, and when that's the case, pull out the rubber duck method. It works for coders, it works for engineers, and it can work for you. Slap your favorite figurine or stuffed animal down in front of you, and let yourself talk through the problem. It'll feel awkward, and it might be slow-going, but it can really help if you try. I have a plushie of Gritty who sees all and judges, but dang is he helpful in working out what to do.

Speaking of Nanowrimo... I know you're worried about writing a lot of stuff that won't work out in the long run, but sometimes that's how writing works. You need to push through it, and sometimes writing a lot of garbage is the only way to do it. Erin Morgenstern originally wrote THE NIGHT CIRCUS during Nanowrimo - but as she admits, 100k of that original work didn't even include the main character and never made it to the final version. You gotta be okay with writing garbage. You will find your way through it, even though it might seem like it's going nowhere.

Nanowrimo is coming up, and I recommend taking advantage of it to push yourself through. Find a local group, join a discord server, and give yourself permission to suck. You can push through this and find the story you're looking for.

[screamingatanemptyroom]

I love your writing style.

IMO it seems like you dont use a lot of words but you get so much mileage out the words that you do use. I get enough info to see what is going on in the scene but not feel like its "overly" descriptive. it makes the story feel fast paced without losing information.

I was so excited when I saw that "Please Fix the Story" was done.

2. I hope you don't mind me asking for advice.... but what do you do when you can't figure out how to get the plot to go?

(for context, there is something I am trying to write, I have the beginning and several chapters in, but when I get to the middle - where the main character is on her revenge quest and marking people off her list - I can't figure out what to do.

I know that the main character is going to take out these people but I cant figure out how, if I should add more side characters to help or keep it solo. I know that she does eventually deal with all of them, she does find her redemption, but I can't figure out how to get there.

And when I've asked a couple other people, the answer I get is "Here's how to structure a plot" and then they say something about 3/7 act structure or the hero's journey)

Thanks! This is actually relieving to hear. I sometimes struggle with how much description to put in my stories, and almost always err on the side of less because I tend to want to get to the fun stuff. Glad you liked it!

Ive definitely run into this problem a few times! My process might not work for others, but I can tell you what i do! So when I know the general direction, but not necessarily the specifics, I play the "what if?" game with myself.

I let myself be as weird and crazy as possible and come up with a bunch of possible ways to do it. And then I imagine the story moving forward like that. (For example, when I was trying to figure out the last lesser realm in please fix the story, i thought through multiple scenarios, including pirates, other fairy tales, magic school, etc before I tried out mermaids.) I played these scenarios through as far as I can in my head until I find out if its boring, doesn't work, or is just too weird to fit with the story. And I keep going until I find the one I like the best.

This may seem really simple, but playing through these different ideas to their logical end has allowed me to make a lot of connection and flow for the overall plot and by doing it all in my head (and sometimes writing out brief things to stay organized) i feel so much less pressure than if I was writing out a draft. It's allowed me to try crazier ideas that I might normally not be willing to, and that has worked out for me finding newer ideas that I ended up loving.

I'm not sure if that helps, but that's how I do it. Good luck with your writing!!!

[sensitiveheartless]

*kicks down your door*

The newest chapter of Dazai’s Moving Detective Agency is so fucking good it is now my fave chapter I did not expect THAT to be the solution to the heart thing. Also the Akutagawa and Atsushi thing was Goddamn hilarious.

*Shakes your hand, fixes the door, and leaves.*

HULLO oh my gosh I'm sorry this took me so long to respond to alskdfjskfjs this ask was one of the ones that kept disappearing and reappearing in my browser inbox for some reason — ANYWAY YESSS (I want to talk about spoilers for chapter 19 so I'm gonna put them under the cut :0)

Ok so the heart thing! I wanted to mention that I remember seeing your comment where you theorized about how maybe the heart thing would be solved by Chuuya and Dazai kissing or saying "I love you" for the first time, and that maybe they could metaphorically share a heart between them, and the way you wrote it sounded so nice and romantic and lovely and while I was reading it I was internally just thinking "oh no" because of how it was actually going to go XD

In retrospect I really did have Chuuya solve it in the most brute force way possible aksdjfksfjks — speaking of that scene though, it did change a bit from the way I had originally planned it! Since I wrote the story back to front, I figured out the ending first, then the middle, then went back to the beginning and worked forward from there — so as a result, by the time I got back to the ending, a bunch of character stuff had changed.

Basically, in my first draft, Chuuya was going to get out of the chasm, find Dazai in the castle ruins, tell Yosano "before you say anything I know this is very medically inadvisable", then immediately pull his own heart out of his chest and split it in half (much to the utter horror of everyone watching). I was kind of hand-waving the magic aspect at that point, figuring "well, he's a star with a shit-ton of magic, he can probably survive doing wild stuff like that".

...But then I started writing everything out from the beginning, and added all the stuff with Chuuya learning not to shut out the people who care about him and to let them help him when he's in trouble, and in the process of really digging into his character arc I realized that I had made it so that him acting on his own like that would have been rolling back the character development I had already given him aksjdfksdfjskj SO I thought about it for a looong time and gradually figured out how to incorporate Rimbaud, Yosano, Kyouka, and the rest into all helping out in their own ways. And I ended up liking that version way better, since it fits more with the theme of support and the importance of all Chuuya's bonds he's made along the way, so I think it was worth the extra effort in the end!

...It still is a very brute-force way to solve it though XD Chuuya has a very straight forward approach to everything ksjfkdsj

ANYWAY that was a long ramble — I'm also really glad you enjoyed the Akutagawa and Atsushi shenanigans, I ended up having way too much fun with that part :D Their interactions are actually pretty similar to how I initially planned everything out (that end part where Dazai and Chuuya are completely wrapped up in each other while everything is spiraling out of control around them is heavily inspired by the ending of the book version of Howl's Moving Castle, and I had most of the dialogue for it figured out from the beginning).

...Honestly, considering how out of order I wrote it, I'm surprised I didn't have to scrap more scenes. As it is, the only things that really ended up getting changed/scrapped were:

A part of chapter 11 (in particular, the bit where Chuuya and Dazai talk after Dazai brings Akutagawa and Kyouka to the castle was originally a very different tone, because Chuuya was not supposed to have gotten as far along his "realizing he has feelings for Dazai" arc)(I do still kinda like the original version for the comedy aspect, but I like the way the final version fits with their relationship progression better)

A scene where Dazai was going to get drunk, which had to be scrapped entirely (I was basing it off of the book scene where Howl gets drunk and goes on a rant about the curse, but I ended up deciding that it a), made things way too obvious, and b), Chuuya should have absolutely figured everything out from what Dazai said and I didn't want to make Chuuya seem like a moron)

The final confrontation between Chuuya, Dazai, and Fyodor changed a LOT. I rewrote that scene. So many times. Similar to the Chuuya-pulling-out-his-heart-scene, there was a bit in my original draft that ended up being very out of character for Dazai because of how his and Chuuya's relationship had developed in the rest of the story, so I had to completely switch around how they got into the chasm in the first place. I again think it was worth the effort though, because I think where it landed (Dazai completely losing control of the situation and having to trust Chuuya to save them both) was more interesting for Dazai's arc as well.

Anyway, all that said— I've had a really really good time writing this fic, and I'm happy other people have enjoyed it too!! (And hopefully I can actually finish chapter 20 soon aksdjfksdj things keep getting in the way of it help)

[loquaciousquark]

One thing that I really appreciate about your fic is that you always have the whole thing prewritten and then you post on a regular schedule until the whole thing is out there. What made you decide to do it that way rather than post as you write? I'm currently once again waffling on just posting as I write or finishing my whole thing and then posting and it's driving me nuts!

Ahh, I'm still reeling from your lovely art! Let me try to compose myself and also try to get through the haze of cough syrup. There are four (and a half) main reasons I always finish my stuff before I start posting. I keep trying to qualify this post by saying they're personal reasons developed over many years and I don't know if they'll mean anything for anyone else, but I'm just dithering at this point, so let's get to it.

The biggest reason by far is that the pressure of knowing someone is waiting for me to write the next part is AWFUL. It's petrifying, honestly. I've only ever posted two fics as I wrote them, River Stone on the kinkmeme way back in whenever (like 2013 I think?), and Metamorphose for Thanzag last year (a three-parter with over a year between parts 2 and 3). I tried it again with Metamorphose because I thought, oh, it's been ten years since I last did this, surely I can now handle posting before finishing--NOPE. AWFUL. Every comment looking for the next part was like a little inquisitive set of eyes peering over my shoulder, and any free hobby time I spent doing other things I felt guilty about for months. Plus, I'm not quite satisfied with that last chapter even now, but the pressure of needing to get it done was stronger than my desire to hone. I hate having that pressure compromise my standards, and I won't be doing it again anytime soon. Plus, I get so much joy out of comments when I do it the other way--writing everything first and knowing that pressure to finish is gone--that the tradeoff of no comments during the writing process is beyond worth it to me. That's the selfish aspect of how I post; I want to be able to just marinate in the reactions without the pressure of trying to figure out what comes next. Yeah, this sometimes means I spend a metric ton of time writing stuff that then doesn't get a lot of feedback once I finally start posting. Ah, well, them's the breaks. I'm familiar enough by now with my creative juices that I know the next fic is just around the corner. .

I'm such a constructionist in my fics, heavily leaning on my outlines for the overall structure and framework, that I spend a lot of time after the first completed draft trying to really polish up themes, characterization, and plot from start to finish. On I think almost every major longfic I've ever written, @jadesabre301 has pointed out a serious gaping hole that needed immediate revision (occasionally very major revision) in order to get the fic to the quality I wanted it to be. I can't go back and add early scenes and theme/imagery reinforcement in chapters already posted, and if I want to make the piece as polished as possible, I need that editing freedom and flexibility. (And she needs to be able to see the whole structure of the piece to find those flaws.) Plus, if I don't force myself to write the interstitial or difficult scenes, I could very easily see myself stalling out after hitting the highlight scenes I'm excited about, and then that'd be the end of the progress. I got stuck in one place in Spire for like eight months before Jade pushed me through it, and if I'd been posting concurrently with that writing stall, I think I would have been miserable. .

I have a high tolerance for sitting down and really focusing on one project for hours at a time, and I have a job and lifestyle that allow that every now and then. I don't have kids, I have a career I'm very well established in (giving me some clear work/life boundaries and seasons when I know I'll be busy and when I know I'll have time to be creative), and I structure my free time in those periods in ways where I can write without interruption. I don't really need external impetus or praise to keep me going (in fact, as mentioned, it often makes me feel worse), so having that dedicated time lets me really sink my teeth into my projects, which makes it so much easier to reach my target goals. I also find completing and closing projects immensely personally satisfying, which helps drive that momentum during the more difficult parts of the process. .

It's important to me to finish my projects so that the stories are complete for the readers. Not just because I grew up on abandoned WIPs in the fandoms I cut my teeth on (Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, Harry Potter), either. I remember a particular author in the Inuyasha fandom named Rozefire who wrote what felt like dozens of incredible AUs that I followed religiously for years. However, she never finished more than...memory says a handful of them? And every header at the top of the new fic would talk about how she was still working on the previous one, but after several months I realized that as soon as that new fic went up, the previous one would never see another chapter. I still loved everything she wrote and I still devoured every word, but there were several things I desperately wanted to see completed, and I have so many dusty memories of sifting through those fics for updates every few weeks, pining for any little crumb, haha. I'm able to complete my projects and it's important to me to do so for the sake of any readers, so it's something I make a priority when I write. .

(really 4.5) Not finishing my projects makes me mentally unhappy. It doesn't destroy my mood or anything, but it becomes a persistent itch that poisons all my other hobbies, even if there aren't any comments looking forward to the next chapter. In some ways the ending of that de-aging Fenris/Hawke fic I wrote a million years ago where the story demands a conclusion was a veritable autobiography. There's a reason that of my, uh...63 works on AO3, the only ones not fully completed are the two WIPs I'm currently posting (which are completely written) and the two oneshot/ficlet collections. Those collections have been lifesavers as well in that they are homes for my little orphan ficlets, which also pleases the ruthless organizer part of my brain. I don't like clutter; I don't like tangled wires; I don't like untucked sheets or piles of abandoned craft projects or rooms of untamed chaos. I look at a lot of those cozy little cottagecore aesthetic posts and I honestly just want to straighten everything to right angles and buy them coasters and set up bookshelves so they can clean up the space. I used to organize my parents' VHS collection every summer--we had a spreadsheet with titles and reference numbers that went into the 500s. Finishing fics fits into the same space in my head; when they're finally done I can at last put the lid on the box and put it labelled neatly on the rack with all the rest of the boxes and I can mentally release it from my list of things to think about on the daily. (Which is, incidentally, the main reason I only work on one project at a time; too many open and cluttered boxes = a very unhappy me.)

Anyway! This was a very long answer about a very personal process, and I hope there's some part of it useful to you in some way! <3 At the end of the day, you'll have to decide your posting schedule for yourself based on the things that are important to you. There's no wrong way to do it--it's only whatever makes you happy and keeps you writing! <3<3<3

[zuppizup]

Hiiii I just finished the first two chapters of Fuel the Pyre! I'm super excited for it, it's very well done!

I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about your writing process. How do you outline? What kinds of things need to be in an outline in order for you to visualize the story? Do you outline the entire story, one chapter, or just one scene at a time?

Thank you for your time!

Hello! Thanks so much for your kind words! I’m so happy you’re liking the fic so far.

This is a super fun ask. Not sure how coherent or helpful my response will be, but I’ll give it a try. 😆

So, stories like Purgatory, Fuel the Pyre or my WIP dark magic AU, always start out as a bunch of questions.

What if Ezran hadn’t interrupted Callum and Rayla in Viren’s study…

Could a human/elf halfling do primal magic? Can all of them or just a few? What would control that?

What would the world be like if dark magic actually was controlled and regulated.

I usually don’t start out planning a fic when I ponder questions like this, it’s usually just my mind wandering. For me, while I love big, wonderful, imaginative worlds (like the world of The Dragon Prince) what I’m really more interested in is how these things affect individuals. I actually tend to visualise the story before I outline. In fact, I often visualise far beyond where I think I’ll finish the story. (I say where I think I’ll finish because both my current long fics are now firmly in the “after the end of the planned fic” territory)

So, in Fuel the Pyre, for example, I imagine there’s a lot of unknowns for the people involved. Halflings would be pretty new on the scene, all things considered, so the characters themselves wouldn’t have the answer to these questions, which felt like a great excuse to add tension and drama.

Once an idea has got me and I can imagine how that conflict is going to affect the characters, the general outline tends to sort of write itself. I am a planner, so I by the time I start putting pen to paper (so to speak), I’ll usually have a beginning, a rough middle and an end. There will be plot points, tangents, twists and sometimes side stories that I haven’t figured out, but I’ll have a plan for the general flow of the story.

From there, I’ll come up with a pretty messy draft. So, I just sort of go wild in a document. Usually, when I’ve decided I want to write a longer fic, it’s because certain scenes just play on repeat in my head, so I’ll indulge myself and write those out. Then I’ll go back and make rough chapter/arc notes, which usually leads into some other fun scenes I get inspired to write, and slowly, piece by piece, I sort of string the fic together like that.

I used to outline more linearly, starting at the first chapter and working from there, but I found I’d get stuck on transition scenes (the bane of my writing life) and then avoid the fic. (If I put my fingers in my ears and sing very loudly, the transition scene can’t hurt me). I find letting myself write the scenes I’m excited for makes me much more productive. They usually give me ideas for other fun (I use the term loosely, I generally mean “angsty”) scenes and I essentially build my story like that. I do like adding foreshadowing and twists, which is made a lot easier by writing like this too.

In Purgatory, for example, I tried to drop a lot of subtle hints about Callum and his slowly building arcanum connection. It’s so fun when people pick up on that stuff, but I also don’t want it to look like I just pulled a twist or a revelation out of my rear. Nowadays, I do prefer to write the bulk of a story before posting, which this method obviously works better for.

Often, when I start a fic, the beginning and the ending are the most defined parts of the story and the middle is the area that requires the most work, but by stringing the various elements together, I sort of “discover” new conflicts and fun elements to explore, which (hopefully) makes for a richer, more entertaining story.

So, not sure if that was what you’re looking for, but if you could describe the stream of consciousness that is how I write, a process, this is mine. 😅

[metanarrates]

What you wrote about letting the Poster in your mind die struck a cord in me. Lately when I'm writing I can't help but censor myself & add a tone of irony to it & lampshade cliches. Do you have any advice on how to write earnestly? Do you have any favorite media that is written with sincerity you would suggest?

my opinion is that if you're trying to cut out your own urges to be ironic and detached DURING the process of writing, you may end up overly scrutinizing your writing while it's happening, and that's usually what gets you too trapped in your own head to even get many words out. my advice is to simply let it happen in the first draft of whatever you come up with, and then have it be one of the things you look for while going over it in editing. ask yourself when you edit: am I saying what I actually want to say? am I being ironic for a reason, or is it because I don't know how to write anything else? can I try to do something less ironic? if I feel like I want to write something funny, can I come up with jokes that aren't "hey look at this cliche?"

above all else, when editing your own work, I find it valuable to think about whether this is the sort of story you really want to tell. if you feel passionate about it, why do you find it necessary to censor yourself? and if you find that you don't feel passionate about it, maybe you should restructure the work to make it more enjoyable to you. of course, not every scene in a story is fun to write, and not every moment of irony or lampshading is necessarily a bad thing. but if you find that irony is becoming a major habit in a work, it might be worth thinking about whether or not you're actually enjoying your own story.

as for the sincere media - most good media is very sincere! i actually think irony poisoning is the exception rather than the rule, though it is common enough in big blockbusters and the like that I do feel I have to complain about it. I would say most works I've read and enjoyed have been quite sincere. there's good stuff out there if you look.

that said, the works that come to my mind as being particularly upfront in their sincerity are:

mob psycho 100 - you've probably heard of this one. middle schooler with psychic powers and a severe case of emotional repression dispels a lot of ghosts with his con artist mentor and also figures out how to be a more well-adjusted person. mp100 has had a LOT of very eloquent reviews, so I won't say too much about it. it's just an extremely funny and shockingly emotionally resonant work.

witch hat atelier - absolutely gorgeous manga about a little girl who becomes an apprentice witch after discovering that magic is not exclusive to those who were born witches as she thought, but instead a teachable skill that has deliberately been kept in the hands of a few. the art in this is stellar, and its moments of horror are just as well-captured as its moments of gentleness. one of the themes of witch hat atelier is the beauty of art/magic and the joy an artist finds in its creation, and the artwork of the manga REALLY reinforces this theme. it's beautiful to look at and there's a quality of sincere love for both the work itself and its audience that suffuses the manga. though I will give a general tw for child harm - another major theme of the story is the responsibility adults, particularly teachers, have towards children, and this theme necessitates showing the ways that children can be harmed by teachers, as well as showing the ways that a good teacher can affect a child. it's very good!

omniscient reader's viewpoint: this one is LONG (over a million words) but is a great example of what I would call "post-cringe." a guy ends up seeing the events of his favorite fantasy-apocalypse action novel be recreated around him, and is determined to survive in this world where only he knows everything. one of the most charming things about orv, to me, is that the novel read by the main character is pretty obviously "cringe." it's a badly written escapist webnovel that is sometimes overly edgy, relies a lot on clichés, and can be very dense. the story points out sometimes how facts of the novel's world are kind of stupid or contrived. and yet, our protagonist loves that novel, and the story VERY much validates his love of it. despite him having at times a little bit of that ironic detachment towards the novel he loves, it's always clear that he thinks the cool monsters etc. are The Shit and that he is enthralled by the events playing out around him. the writing leans into how cool its setting and set pieces can be. hell, one of the big themes is how a story, no matter what kind of story it is, can mean everything to the reader who loves it. it's a good example of a work that can poke fun at its own clichés sometimes WHILE still loving those cliches and wanting the audience to enjoy those exact clichés.

again, there's a lot of good stuff out there! these are just my picks for having notable sincerity. if you read a lot, chances are that you will find a lot of great, earnest work. personally, I would recommend figuring out what genre you enjoy reading or watching, and then trying out some highly rated works in that genre. it's a great way to try out shit you haven't tried before! I would also recommend trying out stuff from 15 or more years ago, generally, if you're looking at more mainstream novels, movies, and TV series rather than specific genre fiction. the irony poisoning problem wasn't so prevalent then.

hope this helps!

edit: I FORGOT EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE. please watch eeaao, it's a deeply sincere and whimsical piece of art

[fahatesyou]

Hybrid/FishMax Au Snippet

(Mature, some references to Fish biology, Maxiel)

Just a small snippet of my last work in process, maybe this won’t make the Final Cut and I will change it for something else but… it has been sitting on my drafts for so long I may just let it out for some feed back, let me know what you think!

“It’s your fault.” Max said, stepping out of his tight jeans on his way to the bathroom, mindlessly leaving a trail of dirty clothes behind him.

Daniel followed him, too dumbstruck to fight back Max’s accusations. His stomach was evidently bloated, like he had eaten too many slices of pizza in one sitting.

Brad had warned him briefly, just some cryptic words that now made so much more sense than a few hours ago.

At the time Brad’s words could had meant a lot of things; Daniel didn’t spect to find Max full of eggs.

“You just won’t stop touching it.” Max groaned, his pale skin almost shining under the bathroom’s lights. Daniel wanted him to turn around to see more, to get a better look. “That’s why it’s back.”

He dipped his toes to test the water briefly and let out an unpleased sound, sinking himself into the tub anyways.

“Sorry.” Daniel apologized, not really knowing why, just too busy glaring at Max’s soft belly hiding under the water.

Eggs. Max’s stomach full of eggs.

Stomach? Uterus?

Daniel didn’t fucking know.

He had been touching Max’s slit. The consequences of that had been a mystery to Daniel until now.

Of course he knew Max was a hybrid, everyone knew, for better or for worse, Max was one of the few hybrids on the grid, and had smugly silenced most critics since the day his debut was announced.

Max had completely shut down the doubts of those old school pricks about a water hybrid chances of winning a race that didn’t involved a pool.

Daniel had seen Max’s gills countless of times back when they were teammates, so the whole goldfish parts of Max weren’t exactly a revelation to Daniel once both their clothes had came completely off.

Jos had been a proud shark, there was nothing Jos liked talk about more than his depredator instincts and how unfair being a sea hybrid in F1 surrounded by mammals was for him.

It all stank of bullshit to Daniel, Jos complaints had sounded to Daniel’s ears like a bunch of lame excuses for his actual lack of talent.

It was always such a annoying thing to Daniel growing up; having to hear the rest of the hybrid kids and their families excuse themselves on their biology for their failures.

Daniel never wanted to be more than a human. He didn’t need no extra body parts to win a race.

And then there was Max.

Daniel never found Max ashamed of being an hybrid, but it was definitely the last thing Max ever wanted to talk about when it came to racing. That was mostly why he liked Max more than any other teammate he had before. Max didn’t treat Daniel like some poor clueless guy who was missing something. Max liked racing and Daniel liked Max.

It was all it matter.

Sex with Max was a little bit more complex.

Daniel liked to think of himself as someone open minded, nowhere close to a prude. He had fucked men before Max came along, and even some memorable hybrid girl in Brazil whose tail rapped around Daniel’s cock while he was eating her out. He enjoyed it very much, just like the rest of the stuff he did in bed with his partners. Daniel had been around enough to not be surprised anymore, and a tail or a pair of furry ears weren’t the end of the world.

He wasn’t fucking ready for Max’s pussy.

Slit.

That was what Max called it.

So. Max’s slit.

They spent the first weeks of their relationship dry humping and jerking each other off, maybe Max’s lack of balls should had been an initial warning, but hybrids were so complicated creatures Daniel just didn’t pay it no mind.

At first, Max refused to let Daniel touch him anywhere near his soft opening.

So it took a couple of secretive glances and some personal research for Daniel to figure out Max had been lying to him all time long.

Max had told him his slit was nothing but a mating body part, that it didn’t really do anything more than lay eggs each time his estrus came along.

It was bullshit. Or so did the Internet claim.

But Daniel didn’t want to push, and he wasn’t raised to be an asshole. Max had his boundaries, his things he didn’t like and things he loved.

It was just the wet sound of the lips hiding between Max’s legs as he squirmed on the bed from Daniel sucking his dick what was enough to break the self control of even the most honorable of men.

Daniel hasn’t in fact stop touching Max’s slit since.

The first time he fucked Max was like discovering sex all over again.

He was hot and warm in some indescribable ways that couldn’t be compared to the women Daniel had slept with. The brain melting tightness of his slit became Daniel’s kryptonite.

They had spent all off season finding out how many ways there were for Max to come on Daniel’s cock. It had took some hard earned swaying but when Max had finally agreed and parted his legs to let Daniel inside his precious untouched entrance, there was no coming back.

So now Max’s mating cycle had came back.

And apparently, Daniel’s dick was pretty much to blame.

[brionysea]

current bnb status? like how many chapters r done / close to being done and what are some scenes ur working on now ? :3

hi hello!!! i was about halfway through drafting part 3 (i don't want to say chapter - they're Lengthy parts, there would be about 5 chapter breaks within each part if i was doing chapters) before i got distracted by the realisation that I Can't Write Whump. how do people write whump? i came here for the emotions and the trauma processing and now i have to write a character getting physically pretzled? rude

anyway, as of right now the plan is... 7, 8 parts? somewhere around there. part 1 is about 95% done (i'll probably get on that last 5% next time i pick up writing bnb again - dustin is being The Brain Cell Friend and he will not wait long); part 2 is like, 50% done, but that's mostly because writing a character realising their own mortality within the context of a pre-determined scene from the show is difficult and feels repetitive and stale in contrast to being able to just Make Stuff Up; everything beyond that is pretty mentally laid out by now but it's a bit haphazardly existent, writing-wise, and it's certainly not edited. max gets a speech at the end that makes me cry though. i have to break from the perspective character (mike) (he's a bit busy Antagonising The Antagonist at the time) (he does that a lot, it's concerning. where are the survival instincts? is he not paying attention to the moral of the story? it's that running is okay, mike! that's how you survive in stranger things!!!) to pull that off but i don't even care, it's so worth it

as far as scenes that are currently In Focus in my brain:

there's the dustin thing i mentioned. mike gets to catch him up on the Mike (And El) Are Being Weird part of season 3 that he missed out on in real time via distraction by russian conspiracy theories, which is always fun because dustin tends to listen when mike talks and he's been pretty distinctly kept separate from any and all Mike Is Being Weird parts of the show for a long while. because he is too smart and would figure out that that's Important, actually. writing what (if anything) he would do about that is going to be fun, because i wasn't really thinking about him before but now that he's here he will not be ignored. dustin also takes the time to battle mike's anxiety with flawless logic and wins, because dustin is amazing. i really love dustin and the lack of dustin&mike interactions is criminal

the other part that's currently in rotation, which i haven't actually gotten around to writing yet because of the pretzling (i won't provide details or context, it helps with the immersion :)), is max and mike being friends. aka the point of this whole endeavour if i'm being honest. they can allow themselves to be suicidal, that's fine, but if their friend tries it? right in front of them? tries to die right in front of them where they can see??? what an idiot. what a stupid idiot who needs to be saved from their own idiocy right away. get hugged, idiot. don't die. (<- if i'm being even more honest, THAT'S the point. teen suicide allegories vs the power of friendship. get friendshipped, idiot) (is this mostly me being bitter over the optics of Suicidal Teen Max Mayfield dying seconds after she realised she wanted to Live, Actually? maybe so. i hate that trope, even if in this case it's temporary death that does actually work for the allegory. let traumatised characters recover)

one thing i've noticed is that i have this inclination to try and make the wheeler family better? ted is a bad father, that's easy to roll with, he sucks, but i think about nancy and my brain is like Make Her A Good Sister (especially when she's good at solving puzzles and mike is very much a puzzle right now, but that's the case in the show too and she still Doesn't Really Care), or i try to write karen and my brain is like Make Her A Good Mother, which... she's trying, at least, but it's. it's quite hard to find that balance of well-meaning and still-doing-damage. because i know they're not a good family to mike but apparently my subconscious disagrees with that on principle and thinks he deserves one, established characterisation and relationship dynamics be damned, and that's just !! it's annoying!!!! i'm trying to do an accurate character study here, which includes the Not Fantastic family dynamics!!!!!! wanting to give mike wheeler good things and accurately writing about mike wheeler's life are not easily compatible goals and it's very irritating

anyway. this last part will probably mean nothing (yet), but i keep being tempted to finish and publish the first part even knowing that that would kill my motivation to actually finish writing the rest of the story (don't ask, the demand-supply part of my brain is broken), just so that people can see the bedroom window scene. i am So Proud of the bedroom window scene it's unbelievable

[mothfables]

I have a potentially stupid question. Simply put: How do you write? T-T I have ideas, I have an outline/timeline, I know what I want to do, but I have no idea how to actually write it out. Every time I try, the writing is so stilted and it all just feels...wrong. Do you have any tips or tricks or anything?

it’s not stupid at all!! let’s see... outlines and knowing what you want to happen are good! i write down as much as i can so i don’t forget and can go back to it when i actually start writing.

unfortunately, the rest of it is what anyone else is gonna tell you: practice! if you get an idea, write write write! it’s okay if it’s not good the first, second, or fourth times. you just gotta keep going! get that scene out of your head and into words! even now, looking back at stuff i wrote even a few years ago, i find things i would have done differently, or added to, or not done at all. but then i remember ‘hey, i can actually do that now! i can more easily tell the story i want to be told!’

it’s taken me *years* to find a system that works for me: after i get down everything i can in bullet points, i write a physical first draft. then i go to google docs for the second, then tumblr for the third, and then ao3 for the last. the first draft is to get everything out of my head that i can; every draft after that is fine-tuning until i’m happy with it. sometimes i cut out entire parts!

another thing is read as much as you can! find inspiration in all sorts of things! i love going through fics and finding a line or scene or description that hits me straight in the creative part of my brain. there’s all sorts of writing styles out there- like with drawing, taking inspiration from other creators is natural! not to mention it can help expand your vocabulary and make you think about the way you structure your sentences or scenes (just, y’know, don’t straight up copy someone else’s writing. that’s not cool).

also, don’t be afraid to take a break if things aren’t working out or you get stuck. there have been times where i’m writing a story i’m really excited about and then all of a sudden i just get. stuck. i don’t know how to move on from that one part and i don’t want to skip it because that will throw me off the planned course i have in my head. so i find something else! sometimes i start writing out the next draft, and figuring out the changes i want to make from the previous one can help me get through it. other times i just need to walk away from it for a bit and focus on other things, or go over the scene again in my head, either so i remember what i want to happen or from a different angle/p.o.v.

so to put it shortly: read all sorts of things to expand your knowledge and get that first draft out of your head. don’t worry about it looking pretty or stilted or weird, every time you write you get a little bit better, a little bit closer to that version in your head. and if it changes along the way, that’s fine! that’s a natural part of the process. take a break if you need to. but above all, just keep writing!!

[elsiebrayisgay]

⭐

Anything you want to discuss about Sourceless Bruises

~uwaow~ i'm so glad you asked!! a lot of what i've been thinking about as i've written this that i haven't talked about before is pacing. i am not a write who is going to give you a 400k word epic (sorry!!) but the usual pace of the story i am telling in sourceless bruises, especially the real life events it draws on and is based on, are a lot slower-paced than how i've depicted it. i've tried to strike a balance, and here is where i hope my slower update schedule is working in my favor, with a satisfying narrative arc as well as some amount of realism in what shadowheart is going through. so i hope y'all are reading with a grain of salt and the catharsis and whump (is my story whump?) is hitting in a narratively satisfying way. ANOTHER thing i wanna talk about with sourceless bruises—i am sticking with a very close 3rd person POV in this story, and i think a fun director's commentary thing here is that i know what i want lae'zel especially but also karlach and minty to be up to when they're not in shadowheart's immediate presence. i've been keeping some worldbuilding and character arc stuff off the page to this point just because shadowheart hasn't had the opportunity to see it, hasn't been lucky enough or earned the trust to be let in on certain things which has, in turn, kept them from the reader. HOWEVER. there are some things i really wanna get y'all in on. some stuff of lae'zel's i am going to wait to show you on the page because i think it is good culmination to and satisfaction of her arc; other stuff, like orin being a pro wrestler in one draft, might not get to you the traditional way, but LORD do i wanna talk about it. mapping the fantasy characters onto coffee-shop-AU-style characters is one of the most fun parts of this process for me and i love to figure out what everyone's studying, where they work, their regional british accents, all that sort of stuff. a commenter recently mentioned reading my lae'zel as russian and that's influenced how i think of her holistic character; i've been thinking about what she's been up to, when and why she immigrated (was it for ballet? was it not? that can take her character in really interesting directions) and what her family situation is like, that could capture the essence of her gith heritage in a mundane shell. she has a lot of patriotism and nationalism baked-in that i haven't done a lot with, but i think that looks a lot different when she's a british national versus a russian immigrant. these are very sparse tidbits, i know, and i'm sorry it isn't more, but i don't want to commit to giving too much away off the page when i have plans to show more in the story itself. i hope you enjoyed! as always you can find sourceless bruises on ao3!

[qqueenofhades]

Any words of widsom for an undergrad history major considering a phd? I see the burning ships of those before me in the distance and am still thinking about pressing forward 😅

Oof. Lol. Are you sure about this? There are so many other things you could do with your life apart from pursuing a PhD in history, and you should definitely think about them. As you are well aware (viz. the reference to burning ships...) but yes.

I have written similar advice posts before, which you can find in my school stuff tag. It's worth going through that (and sifting out all the posts about the Great Citation Debacle of 2022, ahem) to see what I have said before, but what it comes down to is:

Make sure you get funding (they should be paying YOU to study there, not vice versa) and this funding should be as comprehensive as possible;

Understand what topic you want to work on and the time commitments that it takes, as well as whether you will need access to specialty archives and where those are located;

Research the schools that are the best fit for your topic/specialty and draw up a list of potential advisors, who you can then e-mail to introduce yourself and ask if they would be willing to supervise you/guide you through the process. They might also be willing to work with you to refine a draft thesis proposal and advise how to best meet university admissions requirements. This was how I got into my PhD program; I started communication with the faculty beforehand, we shaped a thesis topic, it went through several rounds of revision, I then formally applied and was accepted;

Understand as well that you're not guaranteed a job by any measure, and whether that figures into whether you want to spend the time, effort, and money on obtaining an advanced degree;

Most PhD students take 4 to 7 years from beginning the program to completion/submission/award of the degree, and as I have said before, it is extremely difficult and will definitely drive you to the brink of madness at least twice, probably more;

If you have to do a MA beforehand, the time commitment can stretch out to 5-8 years;

As noted, you are not guaranteed employment in your first-choice job, or maybe even your second choice job, or so on. You can figure out a way to get into academia anyway, be an independent scholar, or do something else entirely, but yes, the job market is the stuff of nightmares. It might improve by the time you're done, but let's not count on it.

If you read all that and still went, "you know, valid, but I still kinda want to do a PhD in history": welp. Maybe you should indeed consider it. Just know that I cannot be responsible for what happens to you from here.