#i FORGET that it's WEIRD to other people!!! let's all compost! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

huttons · 4 years ago

Text

Dancing Alone || Tyson Jost

word count: 10.6k

summary: Avery hasn’t been close to her parents in a long time, so moving to Denver to be closer to her sister wasn’t that hard of a choice to make. There she meets Tyson Jost, who somehow manages to sneak his way into her life and change her life in ways she would never expect.

author’s note: this was written for @antoineroussel as part of my follower celebration! I hope you enjoy it :’) also ty to @darthsuboptimal for being my beta for this <3

warnings: dealing with homophobia (specifically homophobic parents), mainly towards the end of the imagine

~ ~ ~

“I opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn’t.” — Khaled Hosseini

Avery had the chance to move anywhere she wanted to, start over fresh in any large city. But in the end, she decides to go to Denver to be near her oldest sister. The thought of having someone there to support her after graduating university is too tempting to turn down. Besides, Luna offered for her to stay in her apartment as Avery found a place to live.

“How did you manage to get so many clothes?” Luna groans as she brings in Avery’s last suitcase.

Avery snorts. “I honestly have no idea. But I swear half the coats came from Joan because she said I’d need them coming here.”

“Well, she’s not wrong,” Luna sighs. “At least you’ll have the summer to prepare before winter comes.”

“I guess that’s good,” Avery says, looking over all the things she has to unpack now. “God, I’m not looking forward to doing this all over again when I find my own place.”

“Maybe we’ll hire a moving company,” Luna jokes. “But no thinking about that now, I just got you here.”

Avery smiles. “Yeah, I guess you’re stuck with me for a bit.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it, okay? Dinner will probably be around 6 or so, if that’s okay.”

“Of course. That should give me enough time to get mostly sorted.”

After Luna leaves the room, Avery sighs. Knowing that things won’t unpack themselves, she decides to start with her clothes. She gets lost in refolding everything and trying to figure out an organization method for the dresser and closet. Even though it’s headed into the middle of summer, Avery makes sure to hang up her winter jackets first, knowing that they’ll come in handy sooner than she’d like.

Before she knows it, Luna is calling her into the kitchen for dinner. They mostly start talking about Avery’s drive over from Portland, and confirming that Avery got everything sorted before making the move. It’s everything that she was expecting Luna to check up on, being the most organized out of the two.

“Now, you said you had an interview lined up?” Luna inquires, curious.

“Oh, yeah, it’s at this local plant shop. I’d basically be helping their marketing and sales, then helping up in the front on occasion. Nothing too fancy, but it sounded like fun,” Avery answers. “Better than going back into retail full-time at the very least.”

“You’re not wrong there,” Luna sighs. “Do you want any practice or some help with your outfit? Or did you already get it sorted?”

“I think I’m good,” Avery says hesitantly. “I feel good about it, anyways.”

“Alright then, but if you change your mind tomorrow, let me know,” Luna replies. “Because-”

“There’s never any shame in being too prepared,” Avery finishes. “I know.”

Luna laughs. “Good to see you still have me memorized.”

“Of course I do,” Avery snorts.

The rest of the night passes easily, and Avery enjoys every second of being back with her sister. It was hard going to university so far away from her family, but she wanted the freedom that it provided. After the initial homesickness had passed, she knew that she had made the right decision, as it allowed her to become more confident in herself in a way that would have never happened with her parents around.

When Avery’s interview rolls around, she feels nervous and a bit flustered. Sure, this might not be the job she imagined getting right after graduation, but it would still be something she’d enjoy. There was a reason she chose to major in plant biology at least.

As Avery walks into the shop, she’s greeted by the slightly humid air and freshly watered soil. It feels relaxing, a small reminder of her university’s greenhouse. She almost forgets that she’s here for an interview, and not to look around at all of the plants.

“Are you Avery?” someone inquires.

Avery turns around and sees an older woman, dressed in casual clothing. She smiles and nods in response.

“Yeah, that’d be me,” Avery replies. “And you’re...Helen?”

“You’re correct. Now, come and follow me to the back so we can talk in peace.”

Avery follows her back, and isn’t surprised by the tiny office area in the back. It’s mostly filled with compost and other plants, and a small table just in the corner. She notices two small rooms off to the side, but they don’t take up too much space. Helen takes a seat at the table, so Avery takes the chair right across from her.

“I know this isn’t much, but we’re doing the best we can,” Helen says. “Now, I wanted to ask you about your school, especially since it isn’t marketing based.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Avery replies, nervous.

Over the next forty-five minutes, Helen questions Avery on a wide variety of subjects. While quite a few have to do with the main functions of the position, she also asks about Avery’s knowledge of plants. That’s when Avery starts to feel a bit more in her element and feels more confident in her answers.

“Well, it was awfully nice meeting you,” Helen says. “I still have a couple other people to meet with, but I’ll let you know any decisions in a week or so.”

“Thank you so much,” Avery replies. “I hope you have a great rest of your day.”

As she exits the shop, she feels like there’s a weight lifted off of her shoulders. Avery feels like she did as well as she could have, especially given the circumstances. When she gets back to the apartment, Luna left out a small spread for lunch with a cute post-it note left on top. Smiling, Avery tucks the note into her pocket to hold onto.

Luna comes back later that night with Indian takeout, knowing that it’s Avery’s favorite. After they get their plates sorted, they head into the living room to watch sometime on Netflix. Nothing gets brought up about the interview, Luna knowing that Avery will mention it when she’s ready. She doesn’t say anything until after she’s eaten most of her food.

“I think it went well,” Avery says quietly. “Like, I felt good during it, but I don’t know if I was who she was looking for.”

“Just means you’ll get the chance to look for something else that might be better,” Luna replies easily. “I know you’ll find something soon.”

Avery sighs. “I hope so.”

A few days go by, and as Avery waits to hear back from the plant shop, she starts to settle more into the apartment and Denver. She’s only visited Luna here a couple of times, so Avery tries to make a list of places she wants to visit. The thought of starting her life here is exciting as it is terrifying, but she hopes that it pays off.

Before she knows it, Avery gets a call from Helen saying that she got the job. Helen wants her to come in the next week to start learning the ropes on how the shop is run. Avery feels overwhelmed, but is excited that she managed to get the position. It makes Denver feel just a bit more like home.

“Looks like I’m really stuck with you now,” Luna jokes after Avery tells her.

“How unfortunate,” Avery replies, smiling softly.

By the time her first day of work rolls around, Avery feels a bit more settled into life in Denver. As all first days are, she’s completely overwhelmed with all of the information she has to take in, but she knows it’ll be worth it. Helen seems wonderful, as well as the other people Avery meets throughout the day.

Avery is a little surprised that she gets her own office, but she supposes it makes sense if she’ll be spending a lot of her time in the shop. Even if she does have to spend a lot of time up in the front working with customers, it’ll feel nice to be connected to part of the community. Besides, Avery knows that she doesn’t do well spending too much time by herself.

As the summer passes, Avery finds herself settling in more and more into Denver. Everyday she’s more grateful that she moved here instead of going back home with her parents. Sometimes she wonders if Luna already figured out why she wanted to get as far away from their parents as possible. It wouldn’t be a surprise since Luna still calls them on occasion, but she never says anything to Avery.

They make it all the way until October before Luna gently brings up the holidays, curious as to what Avery’s plans are. On the surface, it’s a simple question, but Avery really knows what Luna is trying to get at.

“I mean, I was hoping to stay here. I don’t really want to go back home,” Avery says reluctantly. “And before you say anything, there’s no way mom and dad didn’t tell you about what happened.”

“They tried to, but I told them I wanted to hear it from you first,” Luna replies. “And you don’t have to tell me now, though it would be nice to have some context.”

Avery sighs. “It’s just...it’s really nothing, and I blew it out of proportion, but things have been weird ever since. I just don’t know how to fix it.”

Luna gives her an encouraging look, but doesn’t say anything, knowing that Avery will say as much as she wants to.

“Well, they found out that I was dating a girl, and mom totally freaked out on me. She started crying because she felt like I couldn’t trust her with something like that and started guilt tripping me,” Avery explains. “It only got worse when I told her that she wasn’t entitled to know that I was bi. And dad obviously backed her up on all of this.”

“That...sounds like something they would do,” Luna says. “But they were okay with it, right? Or…”

Avery shrugs. “They refused to talk about it after that, and I got mad that they seemed to act weird about it. Mom just said it was because I said she didn’t need to know, so she was going to pretend like it isn’t a part of me.”

“I’m starting to understand where this is all going. I think they’re just not sure how to handle you not being straight, but that’s not your problem. That most definitely explains why mom keeps asking about your dating life when she calls.”

“Are you serious?” Avery groans. “I’m still trying to find friends, much less someone to date.”

Luna laughs. “That’s what I keep telling her. Like please, I’m still your only non-work friend and you’ve been here for almost four months now.”

“How else am I supposed to make friends though?” Avery exclaims. “Nobody told me it’d be this hard to make friends.”

“Welcome to adulthood, my dear sister,” Luna says, smiling brightly. “Now, back to the original subject: holidays. I was thinking about going home if I could get the time off from pediatrics, but if you’re staying here, I’ll stay here.”

Avery frowns. “You don’t have to stay here just because I’m going to be here.”

“Please, I’m not going to make you stay here by yourself.”

“I’ve done holidays by myself before, I don’t mind doing it again this year,” Avery points out.

Luna rolls her eyes. “Look, you’re here now and we’ll make the most of it, okay? I’ll probably have to work either Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I don’t want you to be completely alone.”

“Thank you,” Avery says quietly, smiling a little bit.

She knows that it’s probably only a small concession on Luna’s part, but Avery appreciates it anyway. It’s been a long time since she’s done anything special for any of the major holidays, so she feels excited in a way she hasn’t felt in a long time.

Over the next few weeks, Avery starts to settle into a routine at the plant shop. The days pass quickly, and she feels more confident in her decision to come to Denver. She starts to meet more people through her work as well, and it feels nice to be able to find other people to talk to besides Luna.

It's early Monday morning, a time where Avery normally focuses on doing some work out in the front, when she meets a new customer. He comes in looking a bit frazzled, and he gives Avery a slightly panicked smile when he sees her.

“Hi, welcome in! Is there something I can help you with?” she inquires.

“Uh, yeah, I was hoping you could help me with a floral arrangement. It’s a little last minute but I need it as soon as possible,” he explains. “Oh! I’m Tyson by the way.”

He sticks out his hand, and Avery shakes it, laughing a little.

“So...what kind of arrangement are we looking for? Something for your girlfriend?” Avery asks.

“Oh, no, it’s for my mom,” Tyson replies.

“Any idea what kind of flowers she likes?”

Tyson blushes. “No, I don’t. But she really likes purple?”

“I’m sure I can get something together. We’re kind of limited since these are the last of our flowers for the season, and we only keep fresh flowers for our arrangements.”

Avery leads him over to a case that only has a few bouquets left, and there aren’t that many flowers that bloom this late in the year. She lets out a sigh when she spots the gladiolus, knowing that it’s a great plant to have, even if it doesn’t last extremely long after being picked. Still, if this is a last minute thing for Tyson, it probably doesn’t need to hold perfect for too long. After grabbing it out of the case, she holds it in a way to show it off.

“You’re lucky that we had people growing these flowers this year. They normally don’t go into any arrangements since they bloom so late into the season,” Avery explains. “But we have a couple others that might work, I just figured this was a good first shot.”

“No, this should be perfect,” Tyson replies. “How much?”

“Should be about $50,” Avery answers.

Tyson nods, so she takes that as confirmation that it’s a good price. She leads him over to the register and rings him up. After she hands him the bouquet, he heads off with a bright smile, and looks slightly less panicked. Avery doesn’t think much of it at the time, but she does note that he was kind of attractive.

The following week, around the same time, Tyson comes in again, looking just as nervous as the first time. Avery gives him a small smile as she saves her work and comes over to help him.

“Did your mom like the flowers?” Avery inquires, genuinely curious.

“Oh! She loved them, said they were really pretty,” Tyson says.

Avery smiles. “Good to know that I haven’t lost my touch then. Now, what can I help you with today?”

“My sister said she wanted something too. Not an arrangement or anything, but a house plant? I don’t really know where to start though,” Tyson replies with a small frown.

“Does she have any plants already?”

“No, not that I know of. So...something easy to take care of I guess. And maybe something that doesn’t need a ton of sunlight because I don’t know how much she gets in her apartment. Also something that I can ship in the mail?”

“Maybe a snake plant? I have some relatively small ones that might be able to ship well if you pack it right,” Avery replies. “And they’re pretty easy to care for, even if they need a little bit of sunlight.”

“That sounds great,” Tyson says. “Um, if I bring it by, could you help me pack it?”

“I - sure?” Avery replies, uncertain.

“I can pay you for it, I just don’t trust myself to do it on my own,” Tyson says, laughing.

“No, don’t worry about paying me for it. Just make sure you bring packing supplies and a box that the plant can fit in.”

Tyson nods happily as Avery goes to grab one of the smaller snake plants. She’s not totally certain how well it’ll ship, but she hopes that she does good enough. And if Tyson is so intent on paying her, maybe she can convince him to spend his money on priority shipping instead. The quicker it gets to his sister, the better.

“That’ll be $15,” Avery says after ringing up the plant.

“Perfect, thank you. Are you going to be here later this week?”

“Yeah, I’m here Monday through Friday, although I might be back in the office and not up front. Just ask for me.”

“And...what’s your name?”

Avery blushes. “Oh, my name’s Avery! Sorry, I didn’t realize I never introduced myself.”

“No, you’re fine. Thank you so much for helping me.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Avery replies, shrugging.

Tyson makes his way out of the store, and Avery lets out a big sigh. She knows that small things like this are important when running a small business, but she can’t believe that she agreed to package a plant for some random customer. At least it’ll be something interesting to help break up her day.

On Wednesday, Remy comes to her office, letting her know that Tyson has come by asking for her. It might be against shop protocol, but Avery tells him to just send Tyson to the back, figuring that it’d be easier to do this in the back. When Remy comes back, he’s leading a slightly confused Tyson, who’s holding the plant, a bunch of newspapers, and a box.

“You can set everything down here,” Avery says, pointing out the lone table. “I can help you get everything sorted much easier than in my office.”

Remy gives them a curious look, but lets them do their thing.

“Thank you so much,” Tyson says. “I feel dumb not being able to do this on my own, but I know I’d find a way to mess this up. And I really don’t need another reason for Kacey to make fun of me.”

“I’m guessing Kacey is your sister?” Avery asks. “And I mean, I feel like she’s going to tease you anyways. That’s what sisters are best at, aren’t they?”

Tyson lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m guessing you have sisters?”

“Just one older sister. She’s actually the whole reason I came to Denver. Wanted to be closer to her.”

“That’s nice,” Tyson says quietly. “I moved out here for work.”

“Denver’s not a bad place to end up.”

“No, it really isn’t.”

They keep up the small talk as Avery helps Tyson pack up the plant. She’s almost certain that he could have done this himself, but she appreciates the company and change of pace. They talk a lot about their favorite parts of Denver, and by the time Tyson heads out, Avery has a long list of places to check out.

“I really appreciate this,” Tyson says before leaving.

“It’s really no problem, but I’m glad that you stopped by anyways,” Avery replies.

When Avery arrives back home, Luna gives her a look, knowing that something is up. Avery might have mentioned Tyson a couple of times to her, and attempted to be casual about it. As much as she doesn’t admit it, she also knows that Luna knows her best.

“Tyson came in today,” Avery sighs, knowing she should just get the subject out of the way.

“And?” Luna asks.

“And nothing. I just helped him like I said I would.”

“Okay…and?”

“We hung out in the back and talked a little bit. I swear it was nothing, we were just talking about some of our favorite places here in Denver.”

“Well, that’s a shame. Maybe you’ll get to see him again.”

Avery groans and flops down on the couch. “Nothing’s going to happen, Luna. First of all, he’s a customer and second of all, we’ve hardly interacted! I don’t even know what he does for work or what his last name is.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t have a little bit of fun.”

“Ugh, please remind me why I’m still living with you?”

“Because you love it,” Luna replies, smiling brightly. “Anyways, if you insist that it’s nothing, I’ll drop it. I just get excited for you.”

“I know you do, but I promise everything is going well. I haven’t even been here six months yet,” Avery points out.

“I suppose you’re right.”

Thankfully, Luna drops the subject, knowing that Avery moves on her own time when it comes to meeting new people. Besides, Avery thinks that she won’t be seeing Tyson anymore, unless his sister insists on him getting her another plant. Even then, it’s no guarantee that he’ll want to see her again.

Turns out, she doesn’t have to wait too long to have her questions answered. It’s only a couple of weeks later when Tyson comes into the shop with a couple of other people. Avery assumes their friends by the way they’re joking around with each other. When Tyson sees her, he smiles brightly, and seems to blush, but Avery brushes that off as nothing.

“Nice to see you in here again,” Avery says. “Who are your friends here?”

“Oh, this is JT and Alexander. We work with the same company,” Tyson answers.

“That’s fun,” Avery replies, noticing that JT and Alexander are giving Tyson weird looks. “So, anything special that you’re coming in for? Is your sister demanding more plants already?”

“No, uh, actually no,” Tyson replies. “Um…”

“Did...did you want a plant? I’m sure I can find something that works well with your schedule,” Avery says.

“He wants to ask you out on a date,” JT blurts out.

“JT,” Tyson hisses. “I was going to ask you that, but not like that, I swear.”

Alexander rolls his eyes. “Please, you would have never asked her out.”

“Uh…” Avery says awkwardly. “Can I speak to Tyson by himself please?”

JT and Alexander at least look a little bit ashamed of themselves, and head out of the shop. There’s a few moments of silence where Avery and Tyson just kind of look at each other, neither quite sure what to say.

“So, uh, I’m really sorry about them,” Tyson apologizes. “I brought them for moral support, not to actually do that.”

“No, it’s...well, it’s not really okay, but I get it,” Avery replies.

“I’ll leave if you want me to, I really didn’t mean to make things weird.”

“Let’s meet at that coffee shop you were telling me about. I get off work at 4pm today, so I shouldn’t take too long to get there. You can have one redo,” Avery says.

“Okay, that should work, I promise it won’t be so weird,” Tyson replies gratefully.

After he leaves the shop, Avery lets out a heavy sigh. She’s not totally sure what to make of what just happened, and tries to let it sink it. Despite what it might come off as, it’s not like she’s opposed to going on a date with Tyson, it just felt like a weird situation to be put into, especially since she’s still getting to know him.

Once she clocks out and locks up the shop, she makes her way over to the cafe. There’s a small part of her that wishes she could have had the chance to change, but her apartment is too far for that. It’s also a little bit annoying having to carry around her work bag, and while Avery is sure nothing would happen to it, she doesn’t want to leave it in the shop.

When she gets there, she doesn’t see Tyson yet, so she goes and orders something before grabbing a seat in the corner. At the very least, there’s a little bit of privacy since the chairs aren’t right next to anyone else. If he’s going to insist on asking Avery out properly, she doesn’t necessarily want anyone else overhearing.

Thankfully, Avery doesn’t have to wait long after grabbing her drink and sandwich for Tyson to walk in. He smiles brightly when he sees her. Instead of going to order something for himself, he sits next to her.

“Do you not want to order anything first?” Avery inquires, frowning a little.

“No, I ate not too long ago, so I’m fine. Besides, I probably shouldn’t be having caffeine this late in the day, I have an early morning tomorrow,” Tyson explains. “So, uh, before I try to make up for earlier, I wanted to tell you something I think you should know first.”

“Ah, is this when you tell me that you’re a serial killer?” Avery jokes.

Tyson laughs a little, noticeably nervous. “Um, no. I’m actually a professional athlete? I play hockey for the Avalanche here. It’s why I moved to Denver in the first place.”

“That’s...pretty cool. Except for the fact that I know absolutely nothing about hockey.”

“I kind of figured since you didn’t know who I was, but I also didn’t want to assume.”

Avery shrugs. “I mean, that’s a pretty big accomplishment.”

“Yeah, guess so,” Tyson replies, blushing a little bit. “So, um, I was planning on having this cute speech and everything to make up for earlier, but I kind of forgot it?”

“Please, you don’t need a whole speech. That’s a little much, don’t you think?” Avery snorts.

“I suppose so. I just felt bad. And I also felt bad that JT said that while you were at work, I know that puts you in a weird position. Although I guess me asking you if you want to get coffee sometime isn’t much better,” Tyson replies, frowning a little.

“At least I know you a bit more than your friend,” Avery points out.

“That’s...also true,” Tyson sighs. “Well, since we’re already here, would you like to get dinner sometime? Like...as a date?”

Avery laughs a little. Despite knowing that this was a very real option, it still feels a bit unreal being asked out. Before the nervous excitement completely takes over, she remembers that she needs to give him an answer.

“Yeah, I think I can do that. I’m off most days after 4pm and I don’t work the weekends,” Avery replies.

“Maybe next week? If you give me your number, I’m sure we could figure something out.”

“Sounds good.”

After exchanging their numbers, they hang out for a bit longer, before Avery says she could be heading back home. She didn’t tell Luna about this, so she knows that her sister is probably wondering where she’s at. As they head out of the cafe, Tyson stops awkwardly, not quite sure how to say goodbye. Avery rolls her eyes, and pulls him into a hug. He holds her tightly for a moment before letting her go.

The second Avery walks back into the apartment, Luna is bombarding her with questions. She knows that her sister means well, so she lets it all slide and explains what happened.

“Oh, that’s exciting,” Luna says with a wide smile. “I can’t believe you didn’t know he was a professional athlete, though.”

“You know I don’t watch sports. Although I guess that’s going to have to change if this date goes well,” Avery sighs.

“Please, I’m sure it’s going to go great. You just have to have a little bit of faith,” Luna says. “And I honestly can’t believe you got a date before finding non-work friends.”

“I don’t see you having non-work friends and you’ve lived here longer than I have,” Avery replies, squinting her eyes a little bit.

Luna sighs dramatically. “I suppose you’re right.”

Over the next couple of days, she and Tyson text constantly, both wanting to get to know the other person better. She knows that they’re probably doing this a little bit out of order, but it is nice that she knows what Tyson wants out of this. Otherwise, she knows that she would probably be left a ball of nerves, wondering if it was going to turn into anything else.

It’s a couple weeks before Tyson officially asks her on a dinner date, and Avery feels good about it. Sure, she still feels a bit nervous, but if she’s learned anything, it’s that Tyson always finds something to talk about and keeps the conversation rolling. So at the very least, there won’t be too many awkward silences.

Tyson insists on picking Avery up, wanting to make sure that the whole night goes perfect. He’s right on time at 5pm, and smiles brightly when he sees Avery walk out of the apartment complex.

“You look great,” Tyson says. “Way to make me feel underdressed.”

Avery rolls her eyes. “I’m sure your shirt cost more than this whole outfit.”

“I don’t think so,” Tyson replies, looking a little bit concerned.

Avery laughs a little. “I was just kidding.”

Tyson blushes as he opens the door for Avery. She smiles softly in thanks, and then they’re off. As he drives towards the restaurant, she notices that it’s in a nice part of downtown, although she’s not that surprised. When she was looking the place up to check out the menu, she made note of how nice it was. It might be an attempt to impress her, but she’s not complaining.

Once they’re seated, Avery takes a quick look around her, and starts to feel a bit out of place. She does her best to take it all in stride, though.

“You’re doing good at trying to impress me,” Avery jokes.

“Really?” Tyson asks, obviously a little bit stressed.

“Yeah, not too shabby. But you really don’t need to do this, I promise.”

“I know, I just still feel like I need to make up for my friends.”

Avery laughs a little. “Consider it made up then.”

Thankfully, dinner goes well, both of them enjoying talking in person. Avery finds herself feeling more comfortable as the night goes on, and loves how easy it is to get along with Tyson. He just makes everything feel simple, and it’s endearingly earnest. By the end of the night, she feels content in a way she hasn’t felt in a while.

“I had a great time tonight,” Avery says.

“So, that would be a yes to a second date?” Tyson inquires hopefully.

“Yeah, I think I can make that work,” Avery answers, smiling brightly.

As Tyson drives Avery back to her apartment, there’s a lull in the conversation. The silence is comfortable, and she doesn’t feel the need to fill it. When he parks his car in the apartment parking lot, he smiles at her again.

“I’m really happy you had a good time,” Tyson says softly.

He quickly kisses Avery on her cheek, then blushes deeply.

“Yeah, I’m excited for round two. Maybe you can invite me to one of your games,” Avery jokes, blushing just as hard as Tyson.

“Oh, you’d want to come?” Tyson inquires, hopeful.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s your job and everything. Has the season already started?”

“No, but we have a preseason game here next week if you’d want to come? It’s on Wednesday. And maybe you can bring your sister so that you have someone there with you.”

“Yeah, that would actually be amazing.”

“I’ll leave you tickets.”

“No, don’t worry about that. I’m sure Luna and I could figure something out,” Avery insists.

“It’s really not that hard for me. Besides, I want to make sure you get good seats.”

“Okay,” Avery says softly. “Can I make sure Luna is free first, though? I want to make sure before I commit to anything.”

“Of course,” Tyson replies. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye, Tyson,” Avery says as she heads out.

When Avery gets back up to the apartment, it’s quiet. She groans, forgetting that Luna has an overnight shift tonight since she agreed to cover for a coworker. This just means it’ll be a day or so before Avery can ask about the game since Luna will crash as soon as she gets back to the apartment.

All through her shift the following day, Avery just feels herself thrumming with excitement from the previous night. Helen even remarks on it, joking that she can feel Avery’s emotions from the other side of the store.

“Oh, um, I’m sorry,” Avery apologizes. “I just had a good night last night.”

“Wouldn’t happen to be a date, now would it? I’m old enough to recognize that look on your face anywhere,” Helen says, smirking.

Avery flushes immediately. “Uh, you might be right.”

“Why don’t you tell me about him? They must be pretty great to get you all flustered.”

And so this is how Avery ends up spilling all of the details to her boss. Helen listens patiently, asking only a couple of questions. Before she knows it, almost an hour has passed.

“I - oh, sorry for taking up your time,” Avery says. “I didn’t mean to talk for that long.”

“We can always finish whatever we have another time. Nothing replaces a good conversation, does it?”

“No, I suppose not. I just didn’t even know I could talk that long about him.”

Helen laughs. “Sometimes people take us by complete surprise. Tyson seems like a good person, and I’m glad you met him.”

“Yeah, me too,” Avery says quietly, with a small smile.

When Avery gets back to the apartment that night, Luna is obviously just waking up. She’s still wearing her pajamas, and is only barely put together. Not like Avery can blame her, she can’t imagine having to work overnight in a children’s hospital.

“How do you feel about takeout? Nothing we have here sounds good,” Luna asks groggily. “And I just want something that’ll actually last a few days.”

“That sounds good. Does Indian work? I can call to put in our order.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

An hour later, the two of them are curled up on the couch together watching some sitcom. Avery waits a little bit to bring up her date with Tyson, knowing that Luna needs some time to be at full processing capabilities. Besides, it’s not like she gets much time to just hang out with her sister all that often anyways.

“Wait, you had your date last night, didn’t you?” Luna inquires after she finishes her good. “How’d it go?”

“Oh, uh, it went a lot better than I was expecting. He was really great and I just felt like we got along well,” Avery says.

“So I’m guessing there’ll be a second date?” Luna teases.

Avery blushes. “Yeah, you’d be right.”

“I’m glad you’re happy,” Luna says softly. “Whenever I’d talk to you while you were in uni, you always sounded so tired and angry. And I hope you’re happy here with me.”

“Of course I am,” Avery replies. “You’ve been nothing but amazing, and this is home now.”

Luna smiles. “That’s good to hear.”

Their conversation lapses into silence and Avery reflects on it. It’s true - Denver has become her new home and she’s truly happy for the first time in a long time. This is one of the first times she hasn’t had to think about her parents and worry about how they were going to criticize her next. Meeting Tyson has only been an added bonus so far, she would love her life just as much even if he hadn’t waltzed into it. Speaking of Tyson, she also remembered about the game next week.

“So Tyson was wondering if you’d be free next week to go to a game,” Avery says, trying to be casual. “He knows I wouldn’t want to go by myself.”

“I could maybe swing it. What day is it?”

“Next Wednesday. Is that too soon?”

Luna ponders it for a quick second. “I could probably swing it. I get off work at 5pm that day, so we’d probably get there right on time, if not a little late.”

“I’ll let him know,” Avery replies, smiling.

“Does this mean I get to meet him?”

“I guess so? We didn’t work out plans for after the game.”

“I better get to meet him. I want to see if he passes my arbitrary rules.”

Avery lets out a surprised laugh. “I’ll let you know what he says.”

It’s not much later that Avery decides to go to bed, calling it an early night. Before she knows it, her alarm is blaring, and she rolls out of bed to get ready for work. Once she gets to work, she sends Tyson a text, letting him know about the game, as well as the fact that Luna wants to meet him afterwards. He doesn’t respond right away, so she sets to work on updating the store’s website.

While she’s on her lunch break, Avery checks her phone and sees that Tyson texted back. He apparently got the tickets sorted, and the game doesn’t start until 7pm, giving her and Luna just enough time to get there. He also explains that as much as he’d love to meet up after, he usually heads back home right away to go to bed.

Well, just means you’ll have to meet Luna some other time, is what Avery says back.

I’d love to meet her :) maybe we can get lunch on one of her days off or something

That’d be great!!

Avery smiles softly, happy that Tyson wants to meet Luna. Even though she knows that she’s made it clear that Luna is important to her, it’s still nice knowing that Tyson understands that. She’s still unsure of telling him why, but she knows that conversation can wait a while. It’s a heavy topic for someone she’s only gone on one date with, and Avery isn’t in a spot where she feels comfortable talking about it.

Before she knows it, Avery and Luna are making their way into Pepsi Center. The energy is wild, and it’s hard to not get swept up in it. Even though she knows that she won’t get to see Tyson after this, she’s still excited to watch a game. She and Luna looked up as much information as they could so that they could understand as much of the game as possible. And while Avery knows that it’s a preseason game, she still hopes that the Avs do well.

“Well, this is quite a first game,” Luna says breathlessly, as they sit down.

“It really is,” Avery laughs. “I guess it’s a good chance for us to try and understand everything we learned this last week.”

“I sure hope so,” Luna replies, smiling.

Once the game starts, Avery and Luna get swept up in the electric energy running through the arena. Despite not fully understanding some of the calls, they both have a great game. Tyson doesn’t play too much, but every time he gets on the ice, Avery makes sure to cheer a little bit louder. By the time the game has ended in a win for the Avs, she feels totally ramped up, and she knows it’ll be a little while before she falls asleep.

“That was amazing,” Avery says. “I have no clue why I didn’t do this before.”

“I mean, it might have been a little hard in Portland. Do they even have any hockey teams?”

“I...don’t think so.”

Luna laughs. “Well, now is as good a time as any, I suppose. Hopefully Tyson can get you more tickets during the season.”

“I’m sure he won’t have a problem with that.”

Avery makes sure to send Tyson a quick congratulatory text, as well as a selfie she and Luna took earlier. She pockets her phone, knowing that he won’t respond for a little while. The ride back home is fairly quiet, both trying to soak in the game. It feels a little surreal, but it’s definitely an experience that Avery will remember for a long time.

Once they get home, they stay up to watch some TV to try and calm down a little. Before Avery knows it, she feels herself start to fall asleep. The only thing that gets her to move is not wanting to wake up on the couch in the morning.

“Ugh,” Luna groans as Avery gets up. “Why is moving so hard? I didn’t even do anything.”

Avery snorts. “Come on, you’re going to hate yourself if you sleep on the couch. It’s comfy, but not comfy enough to double as a bed.”

“You’re right,” Luna sighs, rolling off the couch. “I think my age is finally catching up to me.”

“Please, thirty is hardly old.”

“Wait until you’re my age, Avery,” Luna threatens, jokingly.

“Sure, whatever you say.”

When Avery flops down in bed, she checks her phone, smiling when she sees that Tyson replied. It’s not much, but it’s still nice to see. She just sends a heart in response, and falls asleep almost instantaneously.

The following morning, Tyson comes into the shop, looking much more awake than Avery was expecting. Still, she smiles brightly, not having expected him to come by the shop today.

“This is a nice surprise,” Avery comments.

“I just wanted to see you since I didn’t get the chance last night,” Tyson replies. “I’m glad you and Luna had a good time, though.”

“Yeah, she’s already badgering me to go to more games,” Avery laughs. “I wouldn’t be complaining either, though. It was really fun.”

“So, uh, I was wondering if you’d want to get dinner again sometime?” Tyson inquires nervously.

“That’d be really nice,” Avery replies. “Somewhere a bit more casual, though. You don’t need to try and impress me.”

“But what if I want to?”

“Oh, well, I guess that could be arranged. Not this time, though.”

Tyson smiles. “Okay, that sounds good. I have to go soon, but I just wanted to stop by while I was in the area.”

After he heads out, Helen comes in only a few moments later. She gives Avery a questioning look, probably knowing exactly who Tyson is.

“Was that who I thought it was?” Helen inquires, smiling deviously.

“Uh...depends on who you thought it was?” Avery replies, flustered.

“The boy you were telling me about, of course,” Helen says. “Only you didn’t mention that he was a professional athlete.”

“I mean, I didn’t even realize it at first,” Avery says, a little defensive. “I just thought he worked a boring office job or something.”

Helen laughs. “Well, I’m glad you seem to be doing good for yourself. You seem much happier than when you first started working here.”

“Probably because I am happier,” Avery replies, shrugging. “I feel like I finally found my place here, you know?”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Now, let me see those updates you’ve made to the website. You set up things for local online ordering, right?”

Avery is grateful for the change in the subject, and walks Helen through all of the updates. Online ordering was something new Helen wanted to do this year for the holidays, and Avery was more than willing to help with figuring out the logistics of it all. Hopefully they don’t get too overwhelmed, but there’s enough people working at the shop to at least help a little bit.

By the time the end of the day rolls around, Avery is ready to go. She’s looking forward to a relaxed night to make up for how exciting the previous day was. Much to her surprise, Tyson is waiting near the entrance, obviously waiting around for Avery to finish locking up.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you today,” Avery says. “No game tonight?”

“No, we just had practice earlier today. I was hoping to take you to dinner, though, if you’re free,” Tyson replies.

“I suppose I can do that.”

Tyson smiles brightly and starts walking down the sidewalk. It takes a moment for Avery to catch up, still surprised at him showing up unexpectedly like this. As they walk towards wherever Tyson has picked for dinner, he keeps brushing Avery’s hand. She smiles a little before deciding to hold his hand.

“Oh,” Tyson says quietly.

“Do you...not want to hold hands?” Avery asks, a little concerned.

“No, no, this is nice,” Tyson replies, obviously trying to not smile, but his hand tightens around hers a little bit more.

Avery tries to hide her smile as well, but fails. “So, where are we headed?”

“Uh, just this restaurant me and some of the guys go to on occasion. It’s a super chill place, but we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’m more than happy to go. I was just curious.”

Tyson lets himself smile then, and continues to walk towards the restaurant. Once they get there, Avery notices that it’s very much a retro burger type of place. It seems like a fun place, and completely different from their first dinner together. They’re seated fairly quickly in a small corner of the restaurant.

“They’re used to us stopping by, so we usually get the more secluded tables,” Tyson explains after the waiter drops off their menus.

“Oh, that must be nice,” Avery comments. “I’m sure it’s hard to go out sometimes.”

Tyson shrugs. “It’s honestly a hit or miss. Like we’re not popular by any means, but we’re still kind of well known.”

“Still, any guarantee of privacy must be nice. Or, you know, the illusion of it at least.”

The rest of the evening passes just as quickly as their first date together. Avery finds herself laughing more often than not, and she just feels content by the end of the evening. By the time they leave the restaurant, she finds herself not wanting the evening to end. She’s enjoyed her time with Tyson so much, and she values it more knowing how busy he is.

“I’m really glad you came by,” Avery remarks as they start walking towards her car. “Tonight was a lot of fun.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Tyson says softly. “I was, uh, wondering if you’d want to make us official? Like boyfriend and girlfriend type of thing.”

“Oh,” Avery says. “Yeah - I, yeah, that would be great.”

Tyson smiles brightly. “Okay, that’s...that’s good. Do you mind if I tell the guys?”

“Uh, no? Should I be worried that you’re asking that?”

“I don’t think so? But it might mean JT and Alexander randomly stop by the shop to meet you on a more official basis.”

“I think I can handle that. That means you need to meet Luna, though.”

“I’d love to meet her, you know I would.”

Only a few moments later, they find themselves standing by Avery’s car. She knows she should probably head back to the apartment, but she finds herself not wanting the evening to end. Tyson seems to be the same, not letting her hand go. He hesitates for a moment before going to kiss her cheek.

“I’ll see you soon?” Tyson whispers.

“Yeah, of course,” Avery says.

He lets her hand go and smiles softly before walking off to his own car. Once Avery gets into her car, she sighs deeply. In all of her imaginations of what Denver would be like, she could have never predicted Tyson. It feels a bit surreal, but she’s still happy with how things have been going lately.

When she gets back to the apartment, Luna is already passed out, leaving Avery to assume that she has an early shift at the hospital tomorrow. This makes her think about finding her own apartment, knowing that she’s stayed with her sister longer than intended. Even though she knows that Luna doesn’t mind her staying in the apartment, Avery also knows she should start looking for her own place. She’ll miss being around her sister all the time, but she also knows that this isn’t permanent.

The weeks start to pass, and before Avery knows it, it’s well into the holiday season. The shop is busier than either her or Helen would have expected, but it helps the days go by quickly. Tyson’s schedule also ramps up, so they don’t see each other as much as they’ve wanted to. It also means that she hasn’t had the chance to introduce him to Luna yet, given that Luna is also extremely busy this time of year.

The business also keeps Avery from thinking too much about her parents. Neither of them have tried to contact her, although that’s not too much of a surprise, given the previous few years. At this point, it would surprise her more if they actually tried to reach out at this point, which is why Avery feels shock seep through her when she sees her mom calling her.

“Hello?” Avery answers tentatively.

“Oh, it’s good to hear from you again,” her mom, Jane, says. “I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up or not.”

“You caught me at a good time, I guess,” Avery replies, trying to not sound too rude.

“Well, I just wanted to see what your plans were for Christmas. I know Luna is working, and I don’t want you to be all alone,” Jane says. “And it’s been so long since your father and I have seen you.”

Avery tenses up. “Luna and I made other plans, mom. It’s too expensive to buy a ticket right now anyways.”

“I’ll pay for your ticket,” Jane offers.

“I’m really okay. I’m going to stay here with Luna.”

“Avery, I don’t think you quite get what I’m saying. Your father and I have decided that it’s time to make amends and you should be coming to see us. It’s been a long time since we’ve been a family.”

“It’s not my fault you got mad that I’m not straight,” Avery spits out.

“Honey, this can all be fixed. Just because we don’t approve of the same things you do doesn’t mean we still aren’t family.”

“We’ve already settled this! This is exactly why I haven’t been home in fucking years!” Avery exclaims.

Jane sighs. “Look, you’re really being too over dramatic about this. We can put everything aside for just one day this year.”

“No, I really don’t think we can.”

“Honey, we’re trying our best, okay? I don’t know what else you want from us.”

“I wanted you to love me, mom. I really don’t know why that’s so hard! And you’ve had so many other chances to fix this, and I’m not going to pretend like nothing is going on.”

“Your father said you would be inconsiderate, but I really hoped for better.”

“I really don’t see how I’m the inconsiderate one,” Avery says bitterly. “Look, I’m not coming home and I probably won’t ever come home. Not unless you genuinely get over the fact that you can’t love a daughter who isn’t straight.”

“Avery, you take that back right now!” Jane yells. “Your father and I still love, despite everything.”

“You know what, I’m fucking over this! Don’t call me again,” Avery spits out.

With that, Avery hangs up without bothering to hear what her mom has to say. Jane calls her five more times, and sends countless texts, leaving Avery to ignore them all. She wasn’t expecting to feel so angry over her mom calling, but it’s hard to not feel that way after everything that’s happened. After everything - the screaming and yelling, followed by years of silence - have only led Avery to feel bitter when thinking about her parents.

When Luna comes home, Avery is laying face first on the couch, and doesn’t bother to move. A few minutes later, Luna is tapping her shoulder, and hands over a cup of tea. Smiling a little, Avery sits up and takes it. It’s a small gesture, but she knows that Luna is doing what she can.

“Want to talk about it?” Luna inquires. “Mom left a million voicemails and texts, but I didn’t bother to look at any of them. I knew it’d probably be something dumb, especially considering we haven’t had a real conversation in a very long time.”

“Just...she wanted me to come home for Christmas, said I shouldn’t be spending the day by myself,” Avery explains. “Told her we already had plans together.”

Luna snorts. “God, I can’t believe the audacity she has. But it doesn’t surprise me too much that she tried to convince you to come back home and act like nothing happened. Probably getting asked too many questions now that you’ve graduated.”

“Look at me, continuing to shatter the perfect family picture she’s always wanted,” Avery jokes, despite the exhaustion coming through.

“Why don’t you go to bed? I don’t mind doing dinner by myself, and you probably need the rest.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” she sighs.

The next few days feel weird, with Avery being caught between the chaos of work and the intensity of Jane not leaving her alone. She knows she should probably block Jane’s number, but she also doesn’t want to think about the shit that’ll start up. Thankfully, Luna doesn’t make her talk about beyond what she wants to say, knowing that Avery will talk when she’s ready to.

Tyson swings by the store one day on Avery’s lunch break with food in tow. She hasn’t seen him since her fight with Jane, so she does her best to act normal. Even though Avery knows she can tell Tyson anything, she still feels nervous telling him about it. Right now doesn’t feel like it’s a great time either, not with how little they’ve been able to see each other.

“I missed you,” Tyson says softly, before giving Avery a quick kiss. “Mind if I eat with you?”

“You know I don’t mind,” Avery replies, smiling. “So, what all have I missed?”

“Not much, if I’m being honest. I decided to fly my family down for Christmas since that’s easier than me trying to visit them. The three day break is just too short,” Tyson explains.

“I’m glad you get to see them,” Avery says.

“What about you? I know you said Luna is working.”

“We just decided to work around it as best we can. Family is, uh, too busy to visit.”

Tyson frowns. “That’s a shame.”

“It’s not that big of a deal. Luna is going to be here, and that’s good enough for me,” Avery says, shrugging.

“Maybe we can do something on Christmas Eve. Luna isn’t going into the hospital until late, right?”

“I don’t want to take up your family time. You only get three days with them.”

“Yeah, but I think it would be nice, especially if it’s just going to be the two of you.”

“I’ll ask her tonight if you’re sure.”

“I’m most definitely sure. And I know that they’d all be happy to meet you,” Tyson says, smiling. “I know my mom and sister have lots of plant questions, anyways.”

“Oh, well, I can definitely help with that,” Avery replies, laughing.

During the rest of lunch, Avery does her best to make sure Tyson doesn’t notice that she’s feeling a little off. She doesn’t want to ruin the mood by bringing up her mom. It doesn’t feel right, and it’s not really something she feels ready to bring up quite yet. Eventually, she’ll have to say something, especially as their relationship gets more serious. For now, though, it can wait a little bit longer.

When Avery gets to her apartment complex, she grabs the mail before heading up to her place. As she sorts through the mail, she notices a letter addressed to her from an address she hasn’t seen in a long time. Her blood runs cold, knowing that this is just another attempt from her mom to reach out. Even though Avery knows better than to open it, she does it anyways once she gets to the safety of her own room.

Dearest Avery,

You must know that what I do is purely out of love for you. Every sacrifice your father and I made for you to have a better life was because we love you. You’ll always be our daughter, even if we aren’t comfortable with all of your choices. All we want is to see you during the holidays and reconnect, and become a family once again.

There is no need to be angry over one conversation so many years ago. It’s not healthy to be bitter over this, especially when it concerns family. Ignoring your father and I will not make anything better. So please come home, and we promise there will be no talk of any past choices.

Love,

Your mother

As Avery finishes reading the letter, she feels tears streaming down her face. Despite everything, her mom still can’t understand why she feels so angry. It’s always been about ignoring the reality of the situation and pretending like things never happened. This is the final straw, though.

It hurts, but she can feel herself come to accept that it’s time to truly cut her mom out of her life. There was always a small part of Avery that hoped that things would get better, and it would probably always be there, no matter how much she wants it to disappear. But the likelihood of that happening now isn’t worth keeping any line of contact open.

“Avery?” Luna asks quietly, poking her head into Avery’s room. “What happened?”

“Just...mom sent a letter,” Avery answers softly, holding the letter out.

Luna skims through it quickly, frowning. “Well, glad I have even more reason to never go home again. At least I have you to do holiday stuff with.”

“Yeah, that’s not too bad, I guess,” Avery says. “Oh! That reminds me. Tyson wanted to know if you wanted to do Christmas Eve with his family this year.”

“He wants to do Christmas with us? Doesn’t he only have like...three days off?”

Avery smiles as she wipes away the last of her tears. “Yeah, he said that he wanted to spend time with us and he knows that it’s just the two of us.”

“I guess I can’t say no to that,” Luna sighs. “But are you seriously okay? This is a lot.”

“I really am, I promise,” Avery says. “I’m angry, but I swear I’m okay.”

“If you say so,” Luna replies, frowning.

“Look, I get to spend time with you, Tyson, and his family,” Avery says, smiling and laughing a little. It’s been a long time since we’ve gotten to do proper holidays, you know?”

Luna gives her a look. “I haven’t seen you smile like that in a while. It’s a good look on you.”

“I mean...I - he just makes me happy,” Avery replies, flustered. “But you didn’t answer the question.”

“If he doesn’t mind, then yeah, it would be really nice,” Luna says. “You know, it’s a shame that the fire alarms here are so sensitive, otherwise I’d suggest burning the letter.”

Avery lets out a sharp laugh. “That would definitely be satisfying. I guess we can just throw it in the trash.”

“Not as satisfying, but I suppose it works,” Luna sighs dramatically.

EPILOGUE

Spending Christmas Eve with Tyson’s family was better than anything Avery expected. It’s been so long since either she or Luna have spent any holiday with their family that both of them feel completely overwhelmed. Even though Tyson said that they didn’t need to bring anything for dinner, they still brought a couple of pies for dessert, feeling like it’s the least they could do for intruding on family time.

“How many times do I have to keep telling you that you’re not intruding?” Tyson says, rolling his eyes. “I want you here and my family is excited to meet both of you.”

“I know, it still feels like a lot, though,” Avery replies quietly.

“Is Tyson bothering you too much?” Kacey asks, walking into the kitchen. “Because if so, I have plenty of questions about the plant you sent me.”

“Oh, sure, I can do my best to help,” Avery answers.

Talking with Kacey helps calm a lot of Avery’s nerves, managing to fall into familiar territory. She’s not sure how much time passes, but before Avery knows it, it’s time for dinner. Surprisingly, she and Luna are folded into conversations fairly easily. As much as she might not want to admit it, Avery missed having dinners like this, being surrounded by people she truly enjoyed the company of.

Before Avery knows it, she and Luna are headed back to their apartment. The whole day felt wonderful, and she knows that it’ll be something that she remembers for a long time. Despite that, she knows that for most people, a dinner like that is unremarkable because their family has always been there for them. She knows that Tyson falls under that umbrella, and she doesn’t think he’d notice how wistful Avery felt the whole night.

However, he does bring it up when they’re making dinner in his apartment only a week later.

“So, um, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but was everything okay during Christmas? You just seemed...not sad, that’s not the right word. I guess you just seemed a little bit off,” Tyson says.

Avery shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. “It’s just been a while since I’ve done a family dinner. I didn’t go home during the holidays in university and I wanted to stay with Luna this year.”

“And you didn’t go home...because you didn’t want to go home? Or it just didn’t work out that way?” Tyson inquires.

“I didn’t want to,” Avery whispers. “My mom and dad...they’ve been angry about me being bi for a long time. They said it ruined their family image, whatever the fuck that means.”

“Shit - why did you never tell me?”

Avery sighs. “I was planning on telling you, the time just never felt right. It’s such a weird thing to say and bring up. Like surprise, I don’t get along with my family! And I guess I felt like you might take it the wrong way as well, even though I know you don’t care.”

“I wish you would have told me so that I could have been there for you. We’re in this life together now, and I want to do whatever I can to make things better for you.”

“I’ve just been hiding it for so long that it’s weird to talk about,” Avery chokes out, holding back tears.

“Babe,” Tyson whispers, before pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m here for you no matter what. You don’t have to say any more, not until you’re ready.”

“Thank you,” Avery replies softly. “This is a nice hug, but you should let go, otherwise the veggies are going to burn.”

Tyson lets out a laugh. “Okay, okay, point taken.”

When he pulls back, Avery smiles softly. Even though she knows Tyson would take everything in stride, it still feels nice knowing that he’s there for her and isn’t forcing her to say more than she wants to. One day she’ll tell him the whole story, but that can wait for another day. For right now, she wants to just enjoy this moment here with him.

#tyson jost #colorado avalanche #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #tyson jost imagine #colorado avalanche imagine #mine #fic

103 notes · View notes

hansolmates · 4 years ago

Text

jjk; angel’s trumpet [05]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, mentions of smut in future chapters w.c; 4.7k a/n; can u believe this fic is already over halfway done??? i feel more loved and supported for angel’s trumpet w each chapter! i hope u enjoy a more fluffier chapter and some insight on the separate relationships. thank u for the support!

[04] [05] [06] -> masterpost

Bliss. It’s been so long since you’ve experienced this feeling.

These past few weeks have been nothing short of wonderful, like the sweetest version of reality. Working as a language teacher at BigHit was wonderful because of the staff and the fact that in the long run, your job would be helping the rookies get to know their fans better all over the world. But your job was also incredibly strenuous, and you felt an immense amount of pressure from the higher ups to teach the rookies as much as you could in between their other lessons and training. You remember the early days you’d be crying in the bathroom, scared of their exam scores because you knew it wasn’t possible to learn a language in less than a year, but the higher ups wanted you to achieve the impossible.

But now, teaching is like a breath of fresh air. You found it appropriate to reabsorb your classes, and you’re still getting used to the sudden heavy workload. Namjoon was over the moon when you returned to your regular office in the biology department, treating you to coffee and catching you up on what you missed. Chan almost cried when he saw you Monday morning sitting in your lecture hall, saying his grade will finally be salvaged.

However, the cherry on top has to be your budding romance with Jungkook.

Maybe it’s the fact that you’re still swimming in the honeymoon phase, but everything just felt right. Of course, you can only hope your W2 self was already going to interact with Jungkook in one way or another, just like you had in your world. As of late you don’t feel like you're tearing this universe apart, worrying that you’re interfering in an alternate universe.

A buzzing interrupts your thoughts, and you pat around your mattress for your cellphone. You don’t hesitate to answer.

“Good morning, baby,” Jungkook’s rumbly morning voice flits through your speakers.

You swoon, shuffling and kicking under your covers. A little part of you is disgusted how easy it is to turn to butter in Jungkook’s grasp, but it’s unsurprising. “Hey handsome,” you reply, trying to hide your giddiness.

“How do you know I look handsome? My breath smells like leftover mac n’cheese and there’s dried drool on my chin.”

“Mm, still handsome.”

“Ugh, you’re so gross,” but you can hear him smiling on the other line. “Do you have any plans for today?”

“Dunno.”

“Well there’s this new bubble tea cafe I know you’d like so maybe during my lunch we can--”

The rest of the words fade away as you notice an incessant banging on your front door. Whoever wants to come in is far too eager for this early.

It’s then your calendar notification pings, and you see the big fat message atop your phone:

Hobi Date 🍷🍷🍷

“Oh shit—” you smack your forehead, you completely forgot today’s the day you would find Sehlyung’s wine lady. “I’ll call you later Kook, okay?”

You end your call, throwing your phone on the bed as you dash out to answer. Taehyung is yelling from the kitchenette, “I’m trying to eat some damn salad here!” By the time you slide out in your socks and down the hall, Hoseok is already inside your humble abode, holding coffee and donuts.

“I brought libations,” Hoseok says with a bit of flair, setting them down next to Taehyung’s breakfast.

“Thanks man,” and Taehyung makes grabby hands towards Hoseok’s coffee, and Hoseok looks horrified before snatching it away. “C’mon man, no coffee no entry!”

“Taehyung, this is Hoseok,” you introduce, opening the box of donuts and offering Taehyung one in truce. You look pointedly towards Hoseok, sipping idly on his coffee, “Hobi, why don’t you wait in my room before we go, okay?”

Hoseok tilts his head, eyes darting between Taehyung and you. It’s almost comical, the way Taehyung’s early-morning brain is having a hard time processing what was going on, and you wanting to keep a lid on the situation. “Sure, mom,” he slurps obnoxiously on his americano, waltzing down the hallway and into your room. He slams the door rather sharply, and that’s when Taehyung pounces.

“Who’s the hippie?”

“Hippie?” you balk, “Hoseok’s not a hippie.”

Taehyung shrugs, shoving a powdered donut in his mouth and completely forgetting about the limp lettuce on his plate. So much for a balanced breakfast. “I know all your friends, but I’ve never met this one.”

“He’s new,” you take your pick of donuts as well, picking up a vanilla glazed one with rainbow sprinkles, “we’re gonna go shopping.”

“Oo, can I come?”

“No,” you say a little too quickly, causing Taehyung’s eyes to widen in confusion. You quickly backtrack, even going as far as to grab a napkin and dab the powdered sugar from Taehyung’s cheeks, “it’s old people shopping. We’re sending ginseng wine to our families. No brand names there.”

Taehyung immediately buys it, scrunching his nose. “Not my favorite,” he says to himself. “Well, have fun doing old people things. Maybe Jimin will be willing to do something cool with me.”

And with that, he abandons the limp lettuce with a flick of his wrist, letting them out your windowsill and into your little garden for compost. You two make your separate ways, you into your room and Taehyung into the bathroom.

When you open your door, you already see Hoseok making himself comfortable on your bed, flipping through your notebook.

“You really shouldn’t be leaving this out on your desk,” Hoseok waves the yellow pages around, trying to look serious, “Taehyung could read this and you might end up in the cuckoo house.”

With a roll of your eyes, you search for a sweater, “As if he wouldn’t join me.”

You pull out a large black hoodie, courtesy of Jungkook. Trying not to look like a smitten high schooler, you subtly smell the collar before slipping it over your body. You melt in the fabric, and you almost hug yourself. Since your time at BigHit, you’ve missed wearing Jungkook’s things, and that’s a constant you can’t ignore.

“If you end up in the cuckoo house, I’ll end up there too by affiliation,” he flops on your bed, waiting for you to get ready, “so, we gonna nab an old lady today for some wine?”

“Ohmygod. What is wrong with you? You can’t say it like that, someone could report you!” you laugh, slapping him with a long sleeve.

“So it’s more appropriate to say, ‘let’s go find the lady’s coked up wine that could’ve potentially sent you to an alternate universe’ right?”

“Exactly,” you grin, pulling him up with an outstretched hand, “now let’s get going before we both end up in the cuckoo house.”

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

Jungkook thought bliss ended once he got a good filming gig and a stable job, but no, it just had to get better.

He doesn’t want to say he’s all consumed by your presence, but he can’t get enough of you. Sometimes he has to reel it in when you go out on dates, but he feels so lucky to call you his and hold you in his arms whenever he wants.

You dropped into his life, quite literally. One day you just showed up and barged into his life. At first it scared him, immensely. But as he got to know you, wear you down and realize that the strong, blunt woman he met on the street is just as kind and sweet and soft–

The bottom line is, Jungkook wears his heart on his sleeve and loves loudly. He feels so much for you he can’t contain it.

Except when Jimin wants to embarrass the hell out of you when they’re going over old pictures during work.

“Can I tell you a story about how y/n almost peed in that fountain?” Jimin points to the small thumbnail Jungkook took earlier last week. You’re perched on a large limestone fountain, smiling at the little fish tickling the sides of the bowl.

Taehyung gwaffs, choking on his sandwich. “God, that night was incredible! I got the Snapchat receipts too, Kook. If you want to second guess your standards.”

A loud laugh bubbles from his throat, and Jungkook eagerly leans over Taehyung’s shoulder to get a better look at the screen.

He likes your friends, too. To the point that he can safely consider them his friends. Of course he was intimidated the first time, especially when you were so pretty in your red skirt and surrounded by your equally attractive friends, but turns out Taehyung and Jimin are equally dopey and cringey as he.

As silly as you look crouched over the water and pulling up your skirt, he melts at how carefree you look enjoying yourself on a free night. Jimin is hauling you off the ledge, grabbing you by the waist as you fruitlessly try to kick him away.

“Careful,” Jimin tuts, sipping at his latte. “She’s gonna kill you if she finds out you showed it to Kook.”

Taehyung scoffs, stuffing his phone away. “She looked like she was gonna kill me today when she brought that friend over. They were acting really weird,” Taehyung points his kimchi in Jungkook’s nose, “do you know Hoseok?”

Jungkook blinks, opting to take a bite off Taehyung’s fork, “Kinda,” he shrugs, letting the tang of the kimchi spread across his tongue, “she has office hours when he’s working at the library daycare. They have lunch together.”

Jimin leans in, hands fold over the white cafeteria table like he’s in the mafia, “What do you mean by weird, Tae?”

“Like, she wanted him to wait in his room and they kinda just snuck out, y’know?” Taehyung divulges, “Like I love y/n, she the home girl, but who’s secretive about buying ginseng?”

Jungkook’s chewing slows. He trusts you, however, he doesn’t know what to make of that little tidbit. But instead he swallows his kimchi, not caring that he didn’t chew enough or that it went down uncomfortably, and steels himself. “Probably just stressed about her thesis or something, I’m sure everything’s fine.” he says smoothly, trying to convince himself that he’s right, and he’s pretty sure he is.

“Awh, Jungkookie’s so mature since he’s started dating!” Jimin paws all over the younger one like they’re long lost siblings. His hands travel to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair simultaneously, cooing like Jungkook’s a little bunny who’s merely existing.

There’s a blush staining Jungkook’s cheeks, but he doesn’t mind Jimin’s bouts of attention. A small smile blooms to Jungkook’s face, and confirms to himself that he’s in a good spot in his life.

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

“So, what are you and Jungkook like?”

You shrug, “We’re good. It’s only been a few weeks though.”

“No, I meant your Jungkook.”

By definition, your Jungkook isn’t necessarily yours. However, the term is the byproduct of your current setting, and an unfortunate reminder that the Jungkook you’re dating now can never be definitively yours.

(Or…? Can it?)

“We were,” since when did you refer to you in and him in a past tense, “kind of a slow-burn, actually. We’d pass each other in the hall and exchange conversation during lunch in groups but, he kind of just crept up on me.”

The train is going at a break-neck speed, the fancy rail floating across the track as it beams you closer and closer to your destination. Gone are the concrete jungles and carefully architected trees. You’re finally starting to see some natural foliage and blue seas. Today’s journey is a bit of a shot in the dark, you don’t even know what the person you’re searching for looks like, but it’s the only clear lead you have.

“So you didn’t always know you loved him?” Hoseok asks, fiddling with the wire of his buds.

You shrug, “I had a feeling. He’s an easy guy to fall in love with,” you don’t want to mention that nearly half the world is smitten by the Golden Boy, but from the bittersweet expression on your face Hoseok has an inkling. “There’s just a lot of factors that come with relationships. Factors that aren’t worth it. It’s easy here.”

“It would be easy,” Hoseok replies to the air, closing his eyes.

And he’s right. It would be easy to continue on with life, forgetting about the possibility that one day you could wake up in W1. It would be easy to forget about your other life, Beomgyu’s forgotten quiz that’s still probably lit up in your MacBook back home, Sehlyung’s wish for you to approve Jin’s new outfit.

You wonder how your life back home is going, whether they’re moving on just like you seem to be.

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

You really have no idea what Sehlyung’s wine dealer looks like. Work friends are work friends, where you’re close enough to share sexy secrets to each other but not as close as to divulge family life.

You know that Sehlyung lives in a small town closer to the shore, as she’s mentioned one too many times that her feet are baby smooth from the constant sand exfoliation. You’re vaguely aware that this is the right area, at least you hope because W2 Sehlyung could be living in Guam for all you know.

Passing by the village square, you search idly for an old lady selling ginseng wine. You didn’t realize how much a shot in the dark this could possibly be.

“Hey,” Hoseok whisper-hisses, and you try not to ignore the spit that brushes your ear, “you said to look for an old lady, right? All these ladies. They’re old.”

He’s right.

The village may be small, but there were over fifty booths with plenty of old ladies selling something. It would take hours, you didn’t even know if this lady would still be selling ginseng in this life.

Your hands fall limp at your thighs, and you point to a small house at the end of the square. It’s cute, almost cottage-like, looking more high-end than the other shops on the street. “Maybe we should eat something before we do some searching. Otherwise someone’s gonna have to scrape us off the street.”

“Good idea.”

Surprisingly, the interior of the establishment is nothing like the front. There’s a very authentic quirkiness to it, down to the colorful blown glass vases and the eclectic amount of alcohol lining the bar.

Not feeling like waiting for a table, the two of you wait by the bar, hopping on the two available stools in the corner.

The two of you don’t waste any time, telling the waiter passing by that both of you would like a heaping bowl of glass noodles.

“Care for a glass of something sweet?”

Looking up from their dessert menu, you see an older lady leaning over you to pour you and Hoseok a cup of tea. She’s the definition of a chill grandma, from the easy way she smiles to the colorful hoop earrings she wears. You watch as she carefully pours you a cup for you, and you get a glimpse of the beautifully painted ceramic teapot, adorned with watercolor flowers.

“If you have some angel wine,” you lick your lips, looking straight at her, “that would be lovely.”

There’s no hesitation in her work, and the lady continues to pour Hoseok’s cup with impeccable grace. She doesn’t bat a lash at your slight jab, even goes so far as to send you a crinkly smile.

“Fresh out, m’fraid,” she replies easily, “sold my last batch to a lovely blonde over a month ago.”

You swallow your surprise, the bile coming up your throat returning slow and achingly hard. Hoseok’s eyes dart between you and the old lady, and you clench your hands under the table. “Thought so,” you smile tersely, “then, do you have any recommendations?”

Hoseok noisily slurps tea, as if he’s watching a melodrama. The old lady nods eagerly, placing her ceramic mug on a nearby potholder. “I’ll whip up something extra special.”

It isn’t until the old lady whisks away from the bar and into the bathroom does Hoseok blurt, “Is the special thing drugs? Is she giving us drugs?”

“Who knows,” you thank the waiter who sets down two metal bowls of glass noodles in front of you, “maybe the next drink will send us to the moon.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” Hoseok grimaces, “my fuckin’ dream is to visit the moon.”

As you two eat in silence, the restaurant slowly dwindles down as the lunch rush leaves and the start of dinner commences. Being a weekday, there aren't many coming down to eat out. You let yourself be immersed in the hubbub of the cottage, the clinking of clean tea cups and the laughter of staff sitting in the corner table.

The lady finally returns when you’re nearly done with your meal. There’s a tall frozen glass in her hand, ice particles clinging to the barrier. There’s an umbrella and a pineapple adorning the rim, looking uncharacteristically bright and tropical. She places it next to Hoseok’s tea.

He narrows his eyes, “This doesn’t have LSD or anything, right?”

She laughs, the hearty sound enveloping the restaurant. “Nope. Just passionfruit and mango.”

Hoseok easily takes her word for it, sipping happily as it washes down his dinner.

“For me?” you pop in.

“Ah, some advice.”

You shrink in your seat, “I want a fruit smoothie too.”

But you relent when she opens her palms to you, gesturing for you to give her yours. They feel calloused and worn, as if she’s spent lifetimes dedicating her life to her craft. She rubs her thumbs against your palm, sending soothing circles to your skin.

“Enjoy your time as it lasts,” she says, quiet enough for only you two to hear, “things will fall into place very soon.”

She senses you tense, and continues to hold you. You can’t tell whether this advice is foreboding or comforting.

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

“I know what you're thinking,” Hoseok says when you return to Seoul, walking in the direction of your apartment.

“And what exactly am I thinking, o’ wise one?” you kick a stray pepple your way, getting in a groove as you walk lazily down the sidewalk.

“Her words,” he mumbles, “I don’t think it’s an invitation for you to get too comfortable here. Eventually… you’re gonna have to go back.”

“I know, Hoseok.” You don’t mean to sound so agitated. After all, the mission was mostly successful. You got your answers, albeit vague ones. The old lady in the cottage simultaneously sparked and eased your soul, unfortunately it didn’t give you any definitive direction as to go on with this life, other than to simply “enjoy it.”

“I know we’ve been debating whether you’re hallucinating or whether you’re in a coma and you’re having a really long dream or some weird mix of the two—” Hoseok jogs up to stop in-front of you, stuffing his hands in his orange cargos. He’s standing directly behind a 7-Eleven, the gaudy green and red lights lighting behind him like a halo.“And trust me, I’ve spent hours in bed thinking whether I’m real or not and potentially reaching an existential midlife crisis,” he grabs your hand and presses it to your chest, his other hand flailing wildly to the sky, “but this is real. All of it, I’m convinced it’s real. I’ve lived a long, slow, twenty-something life so far.”

He pulls you into his arms, and you suppress a shudder as his warm embrace envelopes you. Is this some sort of punishment? For the first time in a long time, you’ve felt content. Not to say that your life in your world wasn’t normal but you could honestly admit that the time you’ve spent here is nothing short of amazing. There’s an ease to this life, something so simple and easy to love that you want to keep it in your heart and cherish it forever.

“But ‘m gonna miss you,” you sigh into his chest, “we aren’t very close back in my world, y’know. So I’m glad I got to spend the time that I could with you.”

“S’okay,” he mumbles into your hair, and you can feel the smile in your skin, “if we’re really meant to be friends, it’ll happen again.”

Hoseok leaves you with these words, allowing you to breathe easy as you make the steps back to your apartment. Your feet are heavy from the day’s trek, but your mind feels lighter as you near your floor.

You spot a young man in a long jacket hanging a bag on your doorknob, taking great care that the contents inside wouldn’t spill.

“Jungkook?” you ask, smile widening when his gaze perks up to meet yours. It’s almost comical how he reacts to your voice, perking up like a little rabbit at the sound.

His smile grows the closer you get to him, “Hey, pretty girl,” he murmurs, closing the space between you to press a chaste kiss on your cheek, “great timing. I got you something.”

Your eyes dart to the cup of bubble tea hanging on your doorknob. The cup is adorable, pink-tinted and rounded at the bottom with little cat ears for the lid.

“Oh, you went! How was it?”

“It was great! We should go once you’re free. Taehyung ordered three cups! Nearly puked all over Jimin’s couch.”

“So,” your fingers trail up the buttons of his shirt, and you look up through your lashes, “you’re implying that my roommate isn’t inside our apartment right now.”

He leans in, nose nudging your neck as his voice rumbles against your sensitive skin, “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

You’ve never punched in your key faster, clutching the bubble tea bag to place it along the counter as the two of you clamber in. Instead of making it to your bedroom or living room, Jungkook traps your body between the doorway, cradling your face in both his hands to press a sweet kiss on your lips.

There’s nowhere to put your hands because both of Jungkook’s are up, so you close your eyes and let yourself savor the slow taste of his lips moving against yours. Finally you decide to settle your hands on his belt buckle, absentmindedly thumbing the loops as you get lost in the feeling.

“Mm, Kook? Koo—” he presses quick pecks to your lips, barely giving you a chance to forge complete sentences, “can we move this somewhere more comfortable? ‘M legs are turning to jelly.”

“Glad to have that effect on you,” he replies airily, thumbs pressing into your soft skin, “but I actually have to go, so no time to get comfy.” You whine against his lips, and he chuckles. “I have a cohort meeting at 8AM. We’re gonna organize our portfolios together.”

“Nerd,” you pout, pressing a kiss to his chin.

“And me and Mingyu are meeting online for some Overwatch in like, two hours.”

“Gamer nerd,”

“Your nerd,” he beams, his thumb reaching out to swipe the sheen from your swollen lips, “lemme plan date night to make it up to you. Minghao will be out of town for the weekend so it’ll just be me at the apartment.”

Date night. It all sounds so domestic to you, planning out designated days to spend time together. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but the fact that Jungkook sounds so settled with you is nothing short of heartening.

“I’ll make dinner,” his fingers twine between yours, “and we’re keeping the dress code super casual. I want to see you in nothing but sweatpants and oversized t-shirts.”

“But sweatpants aren’t sexy!”

“They are on you,” he retorts with a wiggle of his brows, “and sweatpants are easy access.”

“Alright, as long as you don’t upstage me.”

“Never,” he grins, pearly whites on display, “now, I really gotta go.”

He unlatches your body from his, only to have you immediately jump on him like a koala. You feel his large hands caressing your hair, taking the time to run his fingers through the tangles. You could fall asleep standing in the middle of your doorway, melting under his touch.

“Good night, baby.” he says, pressing his lips to your forehead.

“Sweet dreams, nerd.” you reply reluctantly, letting him open the door so he can go.

“Dream of me!” is the last thing he says before he forces you to shut the door, leaving you thoroughly needy and wanting for him.

Tonight, you dream long.

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

Seven months ago, W1

You’re crying. There’s big, fat, ugly tears falling in rivulets along your face. You don’t even bother to wipe away the tears, just let them flow freely and dampen your pants as you watch the group take their final bow.

From your seat, you take in the energy of the concert like it’s your last breath. The purple confetti dusting your hair, the slow remix blasting through the speakers. The sea of stars swimming across the stadium, all for them.

You wait until everybody’s long gone before you get up from your seat. Until the only people that surround you are staff and clean-up crew, forcing you to leave. Your face still feels achy and your cheeks puffy. Sehlyung is urgently texting you (quadruple texting!) to hurry your ass up and get to the green room so you can all leave together.

A hand on your shoulder stops you from replying, and you wave them off. “Yeah, yeah. I’m leaving already, sorry.”

“Rude, I just got here.”

Jungkook is glowing. He hoists his whole body to plop himself in the seat next to you, so heavy you fear he may break the plastic in two. His arms splay across the other seats, urging you to lean in closer.

“Jungkook,” you smile, resting your hand on his thigh. “The show was great, I really felt the energy from all the way back here.”

“I can see that,” he tugs at his long sleeves, reaching to brush a stray tear, “you okay?”

“What, yeah.” you scoff, crossing your arms.

“So you weren’t moved by my impeccable talent?”

“Obviously,”

“Because, there’s nothing to be ashamed of if you were crying,” he goes on playfully, using his hands to narrate his spiel as he talks out to the stage, “I mean I get it, knowing how much I slaved over that solo and finally getting to perform it, and how I got sick the night before is a pretty–oh shit.”

You’re blubbering again, feverish now that everyone’s gone and it’s only you two in the stadium. The lights have already started to go out, the only light illuminating are the red exit signs and the last pair of doors leading to the main lobby. Your cries are echoing across the large room, and you feel nothing short of embarrassed but you can’t stop crying.

“Awh, my little crybaby,” he cooes, dripping with affection as he moves the armrest to pull you onto his lap. You dive your face in his neck, wracking with sobs.

“I’m, I’m just so proud of you,” you seep out, nuzzling your nose between his freshly cleaned face, “and you—you make it so damn hard for me to not love you it’s just, it’s not fair!”

“You don’t make it any easier on me either,” he whispers, soft enough to crumble under his grasp and melt under his skin.

The confessions are so soft, so easy to say. Little did the both of you know how much it would strain for you to place this love on the backburner.

#jungkook fic #jungkook fluff #goldenclosetnet #bts fic #bts scenarios #jeon jungkook #koo #unedited so i wont be offended if u message me and tell me theres a mistake #im welcome to it bc im kinda in a rush but i wanted to get it out sooner than later #im running to get my first tattoo appt :)#bye bubbies

240 notes · View notes

thepolipayton · 4 years ago

Text

okay so since I haven't seen a lot of people talking about it, let's talk about the ✨ ableism ✨ in season 2

before I start I'm not angry at the actor for andrew, I'm sure he's lovely and I dont have a problem with him. I am literally thrilled that there are more disabled actors out there getting jobs. my problem is the way the character was written by (I'm presuming) abled people

I'm disabled! I hated the "rep" we got. it's cool to see disabled characters where we have lives outside of our disabilities because SURPRISE we do. but the ONE disabled character we got, was a fucking creepy misogynistic dickhead. on the one hand yes it's cool to have a disabled character, and yes it's cool that the character isn't treated like an infant, and yes disabled people can be dicks regardless of their disability. but on the other hand, why is the disabled character the one with these qualities

the best thing I can think to compare it to is if yall remember that weird heathers reboot where they made the heathers queer, trans, fat, biracial, etc. yes it's cool to have rep, and yes those groups of people can be dicks regardless. but we all knew instantly "hey this is really fucked up that the queer, biracial, fat people are the enemies against the het white couple and are treated as bad people". so why is it that the one disabled character we get, who also isn't white, is the one that creeps on the white girl to the point of possibly being a stalker. do you guys see why that is so fucked up. ESPECIALLY when the main characters get away with so much shit, but they focus on this one character who is being disgusting. like it literally was not necessary to make him a creep, what did it add to the plot apart from letting you mention infinity a couple of times

the second part is the fucking straws SHUT UP ABOUT THE FUCKING STRAWS JUST SAY YOU DIDN'T DO ACTUAL RESEARCH ON GLOBAL WARMING AND MOVE ON. there's a whole seperate rant in there about how they constantly blamed individual people for global warming without mentioning cooperations, but lets be honest ryan probably didnt want to upset his rich friends.

if you aren't aware, many, many disabled people have spoken up about the way trying to mass ban plastic straws is fucked up for people with disabilities who rely on straws for food or drink. some of us can't hold up cups, or eat food without it being pureed or blended, and some medications are taken by straw. I know sometimes straws have been my lifeline, they were for several months very recently. without straws we lose so much of our independence and it can actually be more dangerous to use things like spoons sometimes. imagine you easily burn and you're just trying to eat some soup but oh fuck now it's all down you and you have burns that are painful because you didnt have access to a straw. straws in general are so important to people with disabilities and sometimes plastic straws are the only straws we're able to use. paper straws fall apart too easily which isn't good for long time use, or things such as tea or coffee, or when you're on a budget and have to keep replacing them. not to mention they don't bend and are actually a choking hazard. metal straws can get extremely cold which can be painful when you're sensitive to that, they can damage your teeth and most importantly they need to be sterilized (I cant spell it I know) after each use which isn't practical for someone with disabilities, and again they don't bend. bamboo, glass and acrylic all have injury risks as well as being more expensive. compostable straws don't exactly work well when you're at high risk of having allergic reactions (which can kill you, or cost you a lot in medical fees) as well as you would need to be able to compost them safely. if plastic straws, most people's only option, were mass banned we would have to buy them for a high price, carry them around or request them specifically from wherever we were eating. that alone is inconvenient and most of the time embarrassing, but it would also add to the disgusting stigma around disabilities. you already make us do so much when we just want to go out of the house, the more things you add for us to have to remember the more likely it is that we're going to be put in a bad situation where we forget something important but hey at least we have the fucking straws. not to mention that even if businesses were required to have plastic straws what the fuck makes you think theyd comply when they cant even get ramps and door measurements right.

please do research into how the straw issue affects people with disabilities. you should be pressuring companies into looking for disabled friendly AND environmentally friendly options. not taking away something many need to survive.

and yet the politician still continues to focus on this issue despite so many speaking up about it. season 1? okay sure, there hadn't been that many people speaking up about it before they'd begun filming so maybe that can maybe be excused. so no one on that team has heard about someone speaking up? not a single one? and if not then you're telling me that not a single person could have literally just gone to google and done a bit of research and not have found one of the hundreds of disabled people who have been trying to say dont fucking do this. or on the other hand if they've done all the appropriate research needed to be able to accurately portray a politician fighting against global warming, then why haven't they stumbled across this. doesn't seem like very thorough research to me. this isn't a teen on tiktok trying to do their part and genuinely not knowing, these are people who have access to this kind of research but have neglected to do so. it's very clear to me that the writers and directors are just trying to make a shallow grab at being woke, and failing fucking miserably

I know this is very messy and all over the place, but it comes from a place of anger and exhaustion of having to keep having this conversation over and over again. this is barely scratching the surface of the ableism and ignorance present in the politician, but I'm really hoping that it can help some of you see why disabled people are so pissed off with this season. fuck ryan murphy

#i blacked out and wrote this #the politican netflix #the politician #ryan murphy #payton hobart #ben platt #andrew cashman #the politician spoilers

79 notes · View notes

writersblockfreeflow · 5 years ago

Text

You don’t have a Codeword (Part Six)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Words: 2594

Author’s Note: I definitely tried to get this out yesterday, however the original Part Six was just too darn long and not fluffy enough so I’ve been working on rewriting and separating it into individual parts.

Ripping your gaze from Peter’s timer, you met his eyes. This was it. You held your breath as you gave your answer.

“Peter, I…” You snuck a peek at Tony before continuing, “…don’t think I should tell you. I trust that we’ll get your time back, I really do. And when we do, I don’t want you to live your life with the thought of your timer counting down on you.” You finished, nervously fidgeting your fingers. Silence filled the room as Peter looked away in thought.

“Okay” He accepted after what felt like hours, straightening his back.

“Okay?” You questioned, frowning slightly. You were glad that he respected your decision, however a part of you was disappointed that he didn’t try to push it. He looked back towards you and gave a slight smile.

“Okay. I trust you, both of you.” He confirmed, the slight tremor in his hands betraying the confidence of his eye contact.

“You accept the risks?” Tony asked, crossing his arms.

“I accept the risks.” Peter established, walking closer to you. While he became more confident in each one, you became more panicked until you stepped back, out of reach from the boy in front of you.

“Hold on!” Your words froze him in his place. He furrowed his brow. “Well, let’s say the worst-case scenario does happen, which it won’t, but… Don’t you want to spend the rest of the day doing the things you’ve always wanted to? We didn’t get to last night, so lets today. It’s already noon. Let’s do something.” You pleaded. Scared that you were wrong. Scared that this might your last chance to spend time with him.

“I thought you were confident I was going to live.” He asked, void of humor. You smiled weakly anyways.

“I am… I just think that we should do something.” You felt like you were begging as you ran your hands through your hair. Peter closed his eyes as he thought about your words. After a few moments, he opened them back up to meet yours and took a step back.

“What would we do?” He wondered, tilting his head and pressing his lips together.

“It’s your timer, not mine.” You replied gently, “What would you want to do? What about your aunt?”

“Would you come with me?” He asked you. You were speechless. He continued to look at you, clenching his bottom lip between his teeth as you struggled to form words.

“Do you want me to go with you?” You asked, biting your own lip, mimicking his actions.

“It would make me feel better if you were with me…” He said softly, rubbing the back of his neck. He turned slightly to see Tony’s raised eyebrow at him. “Because I would feel better with someone who knows the situation! Not because of anything else!” He quickly added in to the benefit of your father. You felt your heart racing as you shrugged. It always seemed to be racing with him. “I’m glad I could be that someone for you.” You looked away, unable to fight away the grin on your face. When you looked back, Peter’s smile beamed back at you.

“You know, kid. I am hurt that you don’t want me to go with you.” Your dad teased, shifting the attention onto himself. You had honestly forgotten he was there. He dramatically put his hand over his heart while Peter started stuttering his apologizes. You giggled at the sight.

“Actually, I think it would be kind of nice if we all had dinner together. You, me, (Y/N), May, Happy, and I can invite Ned, and maybe even MJ” Peter thought out loud, sporting a faraway look with a small upturn on his lips. Tony laughed cheerfully.

“How does 5 sound?” He asked with a smile, eyes crinkling at the thought. Peter grinned back at him.

“Sounds perfect.” He confirmed, feeling his mood uplifting.

“Well, whatever you decide to do until then, you should take your suit. Just in case.” Tony advised him. “(Y/N)…” He trailed off looking at you, concern etched onto his forehead.

“I still have Peter’s web-shooters from last night” You informed, smiling at the thought of being able to use them again.

“If anything happens, please let me know” Tony requested, although you and Peter both knew that it was an order. Tony said his temporary goodbyes to Peter and left.

“We have about 5 hours until dinner. What do you want to do?” You asked turning to face the boy next to you. He must have thought of something because he suddenly laughed and shook his head. You tilted your head, curious.

“What?” You asked, but he just shook his head.

“Nothing” Hesitation in his speech as he tugged on his ear.

“This is probably not the best time to be modest, Peter” You persisted, licking your lips in anticipation.

“I want to take risks. As Peter Parker, not Spiderman” He whispered nervously, shrugging his shoulders.

“Take risks? Like- like skydiving?” You questioned, not fully comprehending.

“No, I mean- just… I don’t know. Forget it.” He shook his head, not knowing how to explain his thought process. “I like to help people” He offered.

“Oh, umm…” You trailed off, not sure what to say at the subject change. You lightly shook your head to focus on what he suggested. “We can do that”

“I know there’s not a lot of time, but I want to do things that mean something” You smiled brightly at him as your heart throbbed at how he wanted to spend what may be his last hours helping and being with others.

“Whatever you want, right?” You agreed, willing to follow him wherever he may take you.

And that’s how you ended up volunteering to plant trees at a local community park with other volunteers. You laugh softly as you choose from the variety of tree saplings in front of you, not expecting this to be what he meant.

“Why are you laughing?” Peter pouted. He had just helped one of the volunteers carry over a wheelbarrow full of compost. You looked up to him, picking up one of the premature tree saplings. It was the tiniest of the group, with only one leaf growing from the hand-sized trunk. One of the volunteers had told you what kind of tree it was, however you were distracted, trying to remember the instructions she had previously told you. Peter had placed you in charge of choosing the tree you wanted to plant, while he tried to help the volunteers with all the heavy lifting.

“I’m not laughing” You say through the laugh, “I’m just surprised.” You walked over to the location that the group said was an ideal location for a tree to grow strong and healthy. Peter followed closely behind.

“Why?” He asked, kneeling beside you on the ground, beginning to dig out the hole. You kneeled as well but sat back as you watched him. He bit his lip, concentrating on the dirt as he used his hands instead of the shovel that was placed next to him by a volunteer. Show off, you snickered to yourself with a bright smile.

“Because… I never thought that being covered in dirt and god knows what else would be on someone’s bucket list” You teased, being honest in your words. You began to help him using your hands as well. You realized that you would not making as much progress as fast as he was, but didn’t mind, beginning to enjoy the way the dirt felt on your hands.

“Are you not having fun?” Peter asked, pausing his actions and looking up at you. His brow furrowed in concern.

“No! I am! To be honest, this is a lot more fun than I thought it would be.” You quickly corrected. You picked up the tree sapling that you had left beside you. “I even named him.” You joked. Peter chuckled slightly as he looked over the tree.

“What’d you name it?” He asked when you didn’t continue.

“His name is Pedar Parker” You say, the name felt weird in your mouth, but you pushed it out anyways. Peter doubled over in laughter, startling some of the people nearby. You instinctively crossed your arms.

“What?” He whispered, perceiving the attention he collected. He gripped his stomach with his hand as he shook.

“Pedar. Like Cedar?” You explained, feeling embarrassed by the name now.

“Oh wow, that is so bad” He laughed. You felt a lick of irritation at his continued amusement at your expense.

“Whatever” You shrugged off. He stopped himself from laughing again, noticing your reaction. Although, you saw him continue to shake slightly from the chuckles he was holding back.

“No, no. I’m sorry. It was really cute” He said looking down into the hole the two of you created. You blushed when he looked back up, meeting your gaze. Butterflies were again in your stomach, but this time you knew it was because of him. “I personally would have went with (Y/N) Bark” He said, breaking any moment the two of you had as he started laughing again. This time, you joined in.

After helping the volunteers clean up, Peter suggested the two of you walk around while he decided what to do next. You couldn’t remember the last time you were outside this long without wanting to run back inside, but here you were with Peter, walking the streets and talking about anything and everything that came to mind. You focused your attention on only Peter, ignoring everything else around you.

“So, do you have any weaknesses?” Peter asked, as you turned the corner. You pursued your lips before grinning.

“Do I have any strengths that would merit weaknesses?” You joked.

“Seeing timers is technically a strength” Peter stated without so much of a second thought. You lightly shook your head. You didn’t want to talk about timers, so you changed the subject.

“Do you have any weaknesses?” You challenged, turning it back on him. Peter smiled brightly.

“A ton” He exaggerated.

“Not surprising,” You teased, “Tell me more.”

“If I told you, I would have to kill you” He joked back as he winked at you.

“I think I already know.” You stated, smiling slightly as you tried to keep a straight face.

“Do you now?” He taunted as he raised an eyebrow.

“I do. It’s bug spray, isn’t it?” You shook with laughter, throwing your head back, at your joke. He gasped dramatically.

“How dare you!” He exclaimed, mid-laugh. He sped up a head of you, in feign hurt.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You called out, wiggling your eyebrows at him when he turned back to look at you. He huffed and puffed as he turned back away from you with his arms crossed.

“Maybe,” He teased before abruptly turning back to you, “Oh no!”

“What?” You asked concern in your voice, as you catch up to him.

“This means I have to kill you” He summarized before fake shooting you with his webs. Worry leaves you as you chuckle. Playing along, you pretend that you are trapped in his invisible webs.

“Oh no, if only there was a hero who can save me.” You smile warmly at him. He returned it.

“Hero?” Peter looked around as if he was looking for someone to pop out, “There’s no hero here!”

“What ever will I-“ The distant sound of an old memory cut your sentence short. It reminded a young you of fairies, mystical and sweet. You walked past Peter towards the source, Peter calling your name as he followed. “That song” You provided him. Walking further up the block, you found it. Across the street, there was a street performer playing the song that you had only heard as a child. Peter looked at what was holding your attention and smiled.

“It’s a nice tune” He commented. You feigned a smile as memories flashed through your head.

“Yeah…” Peter walked closer to the man. The song was playing through a speaker and he was stringing a marionette along across the floor to it. Peter placed a dollar into the hat in front of the performance and looked back at you. You were still stuck where he left you. Motioning you over, he broke you out of your trance. Standing in front of him, you glanced up having your glassy eyes meet his nervous ones. He awkwardly coughed and placed a hand in front of you, palm up. You looked at it before raising an eyebrow at him.

“Care to dance?” He asked, avoiding your eyes and focusing on his hand. “That requires touching” You reminded, feeling the urge to do it anyways.

“You’re pretty closed minded sometimes, you know that?” He smirked, feeling more confident in himself, before hovering one hand over your waist and another out to the side. You gawked at him, as you took a step back.

“What if accidentally we bump into each other?” You questioned, shaking your head with a frown.

“I said I wanted to take risks, didn’t I?” The confidence was new. It made you want to listen to him. Taking a deep breath, you stepped back towards the boy who kept surprising you. You hovered a hand over his shoulder and the other out to your side, mirroring his stance. He lead you into a four-step waltz as you blushed at the crowd that started forming.

“Peter, we look stupid” You chuckled feeling eyes on you as you focused your stare on Peter. It seemed as if he was doing the same. It reminded you of the look he gave you on the rooftop but stronger.

“So? I don’t feel stupid, do you?” He asked, the intensity in his eyes growing as his eyes flickered down to your lips and back up. A light red kissed his cheeks when your breathing accelerated.

“No” You exhaled. And it was true, you didn’t feel stupid. You felt happy and a little empty. Empty because you wanted to fill the space between your hands. You wanted to know what it would feel like if you had his hands on your waist. Before you could finish this line of thinking, the song ended and Peter and you broke apart. The crowd filled the hat with their spare change and dispersed, while the street performer clapped his hands after gently putting the puppet away.

“Oh! That was beautifully done!” He gushed. You turned towards him, impulsively glancing at his timer. You grimaced at the low number. It was blue. Peter must’ve saw your reaction because he was quick to mutter his thanks and call you towards a nearby alley. Upon entering it, you looked at Peter in confusion. He began taking steps towards you. For every step towards you, you took a step back, until your back hit the alley wall.

“Can I be selfish?” He asked quietly, inches away from you. With him this close, it was hard to focus on the words that softly escaped his lips. You didn’t respond, glancing between his eyes and his lips. His face fell slightly at your silence, but he continued regardless. “I know what I want”

“You do?” You asked, words so light you weren’t sure if he heard you over the brittle of the city just meters away from where the two of you stood.

“Yes” A small smile grew on his face. It was then that your heart did something strange. Instead of the usual quickened pace it was used to when around Peter, it did the opposite, it slowed. You felt aware of everything in this moment: the way Peter’s hair curled to his right, the way his chin had a slight dimple, the way his eyes only at sights for you right now.

“What do you want?” The intensity in his eyes grew as he leaned in towards you, softly smiling. So close but yet still so far.

“I want you...”

Part Seven

Taglist: @shaydeevee33, @peter-spider-parker-man, @savedbystark, @antisocialprincessxox, @mxxkscreate-write, @stuckonpeterparker, @roseryss, @00midnight-thoughts00

#angst #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman x y/n #spiderman x you #spiderman fanfic #spiderman fanfiction #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfic #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fandom #spiderman fandom #marvel #peter parker imagine

59 notes · View notes

hoodie-lover · 5 years ago

Text

My Multiverse Part 34

Classic was panicking. People he had literally tried to kill and vise versa were in his universe, and no one seemed to be in danger or hurt in any way. If he had even a touch more energy he would have blasted all the Dark Sanses to oblivion by now, but when he saw Blue, Sci, and Geno, his jaw only dropped more.

“What is going on here? Why are people who have tried to kill us here?” Classic asked and Blue bounced up, Classic only now realizing the short skeleton was very not ok.

“Ink is an asshole-” Blue said but was rudely interrupted.

“You just cursed...” Classic said, his shattered worldview now a fine powder.

”-with mind control powers who tortured Error and trying to RESET the multiverse so he can have infinite power and I only have partial immunity since I was left in the anti-void by the first people who tortured Error who are apparently having a civil war.” Blue summarized. “That explains the glitching and we do have a plan! Also since you are the original you and any alternate timelines that exist also have immunity, along with glitches but Ink got his hands on Error’s code but as long as he is not alone, he won’t be forced to betray us!” Blue finished and Classic somewhat understood.

“Blue, calm down. Sans just woke up, and it’s near the end of the day, so we can explain everything in detail later.” Undyne said as she stood by Classic.

“T-thanks Undyne.” Classic said, and Papyrus walked up to him.

“Brother, what do you remember? Just the big things like locations and any identifiers?” Classic thought and gave a quick response.

“It was a dark basement. Chains on the wall, and a large staircase leading to the floor on top. Until I was kidnapped, a week or so ago I’m not quite sure, I had never been there.” Classic said and he got very weird looks.

“It’s been less than a day since you went missing Sans.” Undyne said, and Geno had a simple answer.

“This AU, where Classic was held, seems to move at a faster rate than most of the universes, similar to the Doodlesphere, another one of Ink’s personal universes.” Though he remembered that the other originals don’t know what the Doodlesphere is. “The Doodlesphere is where Ink generally lives and anyone can access any AU.” And everyone who didn’t know nodded in understanding.

“Guys?” Sci asked, and every Sans in the room froze in sheer and utter terror. “I may or may not have called Alt in.” And they, except Classic, face palmed.

“Who’s Alt?” And Sci was ready with his explanation.

“Alternate multiverses exist. Predictable, and an unrelated project got turned into the plan to defeat this multiverse’s Ink.” Sci said and a small skeleton, around two feet tall sped past him.

“HI!” He said, he looked like Ink. But he was around a foot shorter and had long baggy brown pants that covered his feet, and a large rainbow sweater along with the signature brown scarf. His eyelights were also two light pink splotches, shifting and changing with time, and he had the same ink mark on his right cheek.

“This is your boyfriend?” Killer said and Sci screamed.

“NO! We’re just-” But he was interrupted.

“Trying to get him to confess his feelings to me.” Alt beamed as he looked at everyone and gasped when he saw Classic’s bandages.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t think about how this world’s me hurt you! I-I r-really am an idiot! I shouldn’t have run out like that!” Alt said as he began to cry, collapsing to the ground with a thud, his eye lights going out. “T-those i-injuries, i-it hurt s-so m-much...” he mumbled as Sci picked him up and held him.

“We dealt with a pure evil Nightmare. What Classic went through, his multiverse’s Nightmare put him through. And yes, he does have the mind control power, but he is terrible at using it, one of those migraines at most on a good day to an alternate Sans.” Sci explained as he shushed and bounced the small Ink as if he were a small toddler.

“Forget boyfriend. You’re his dad.” Flowey giggled and was almost reduced to compost with a small bone straight from Sci.

“Poor thing.” Asgore said as he saw Alt drift off to sleep.

“He normally cries a lot, a few times a day. He’s been doing better, crying at least once a day but not as often and with. I’m just doing my best when I can’t visit him every single day.” Sci said as he rubbed the back of Alt’s skull as the small skeleton cuddled into him.

“Guess he was out through a lot huh?” Horror said, and asked a question he knew he’d regret. “What about that’s world’s us? We haven’t asked you much about this other multiverse.” Sci sighed as he looked at Alt’s face.

“You guys never came back from insanity.” And silence rang. “He was hurt mostly by that world’s Nightmare, I saw some footage while I had to break him out, it made me sick.” Sci said as he patted Alt’s head softly, causing the smaller to purr slightly in his sleep.

“I can’t believe he’s an alternate Ink.” Killer said, looking at him.

“I couldn’t believe it either. He’s so cute!” Sci beamed as he adjusted Alt’s scarf, though he got many looks from his friends.

“Is it moral to date an alternate version of yourself?” Alphys pondered, and Blue took offense to that.

“I’m dating an alternate me!” He slapped his hands over his mouth as all the Sanses gave him very determined looks.

“WHO?!” They all screamed, getting close to his face as Classic snickered with glee.

“I’m not telling.” Blue huffed as he turned away.

“Please Blue? We all want to know. Some of these bets go up to 200g.” Classic said as he leaned towards Blue, stopped by the railing of the bed.

“Let me guess. Underfell!Sans, is it Red?” Horror asked and Blue instantly blushed the most vibrant cyan any of them had seen.

“You mentioned him when we were cooking.” Horror explained and Blue smacked him hard on the head.

“No wonder you’re a Dark Sans. That was an emotional moment and you use it to win a bet.” Blue said, still blushing.

“Ha! Swapfell owed me 250g!” Classic exclaimed and everyone looked at him like he was mad.

“I said some. Not all, also Red may or may not keep a very unprotected diary.” Classic said winking.

“Wow. I would never expect that of your brother.” Papyrus said, giving Classic a weird look.

“I don’t hold back, and I don’t need to worry about RESETs. On the latter factor alone I feel so much more free and relaxed, like I can do things for a change.” Classic said and Alt stirred.

“W-what happened?” He said and Sci put him on the ground, Alt stood for about five seconds before falling on his butt with a thud.

“Sorry Sci. Anyway, how’s the enhancer going?” And everyone that didn’t already know, shot a deathly glare at the scientist. Though Flowey merely cackled evilly to himself.

Characters belong to their respective owners

First

1 note · View note

mtvswatches · 5 years ago

Text

Jane the Virgin 2x03 Chapter Twenty-five

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Wow, they did a great casting with Alba’s younger self…

2) WTF Rafael!

3) I’m sorry, what?!

This doesn’t make any sense? I get that she has a strong connection to Michael, and that she will be forever in debt to him for rescuing her baby, but…? Why would you want a man who you’re in love with to be your baby’s godfather, a baby whose father is another man you’re in love with?

I’ll be honest, it’s getting harder and harder to see Jane as a smart, sensible character.

4) Petra is definitely pregnant… so now both Jane and Petra will be mothers to Rafael’s children… I can’t see any universe where that’s something I’d want to see.

5) His friendship with Rogelio definitely makes me warm up to Michael a bit more…

6) “She’s pretty good at narration.” I don’t know why I feel this isn’t just a random line. But I really don’t know what to make of it yet.

7) Okay, for a second I thought Rafael was going to try and keep Petra’s pregnancy a secret, but thank God, he came clean.

8) Rogelio’s advice about not being a wuss will definitely bite Michael in the ass. “Being a wuss” – if by “being a wuss” we understand being a decent person who listens to and cares about the persons he loves – is precisely what Janes loves about him, and what makes him different from Rafael. Acting detached and aloof is a big turn-off.

9) Oh, the tea is especially good today!

10) I was about to go ballistic on the professor if he didn’t let Jane take the classes, but I’m glad he agreed to give it a try. I’m guessing it won’t be smooth sailing, though.

11) Oh, right. The Moron.

Yes, please, German kidnappers, “mutter” her. Put us all out of our misery.

12) Jane just Untouchabled that baby carriage in the middle of the class…

13) Rogelio’s diary…

“When you left me, I felt like a tiny kitten without his fur.”

"I often feel like a sweet peach you took one bite off and then carelessly tossed aside to rot in a compost pile of tears.”

"You crushed my heart like a walnut. In a walnut-crushing machine.”

He’s a tortured artist.

14) Petra’s options…

I really do appreciate how the show doesn’t shy away from mentioning abortion as an option. They had the talk when Jane got pregnant, and they’re having it now, too.

15) Oh my god, I died!!!

16) It was nice to see Jane opening up to the other mothers and all them sharing how they feel about being moms and also wanting to have a life of their own. And Mateo blinked 😉

17) Luciana…

At last, we meet.

I gotta say, I was expecting Xiomara to be freaking out about Rogelio reuniting with his former love, but she’s unexpectedly cool about it. Like, too cool?

18) Yep, I jinxed it, cool lost. Cool lost.

19) Damn, Jane had the same reaction Xiomara had when reading Alba’s baptism note. I’m guessing it’s going to be a tear-jerker…

20) Lina is wearing a dress a la Madonna in Like a Prayer…

And Michael is going to be Mateo’s godfather… that’s definitely going to be weird if Jane ends up with Michael. “My father! My Godfather! My father! My Godfather!” Yikes.

21) Damn, it was a tear-jerker…

My precious child, these are the things that I hope for you and your life. May you be bold. May you be brave. May you be loving and joyful and kind. May you carry with you the vitality and the spirit of the generations before you. Whatever you dream for your life, may you summon the strength to follow that dream. May you always let your faith be greater than your fear. May you never forget, through all of life’s adventures, through every moment of every day that I walk beside you, cheering you on, hoping for you, praying for you, loving you. And may you one day love your own child as deeply as I love you, today and always.

I guess writing does run in the family…

22) I’m glad Jane is going to grad school.

23) Oh, my god, she is a MORON!!

24) I’m definitely borrowing this move from Alba. Bless her.

25) Okay, Michael. Good move. I’ll give you that.

But I do have some experience with the whole "surprise pregnancy via insemination" scenario. And when it happened with you, well, I pretty much did everything wrong, 'cause I just tried to ignore it instead of embracing it. So that's my advice to you. There's a baby coming. Whatever that means to you, embrace it.

It’s coming to a point where Michael is becoming the best choice for Jane, regardless of who is Mateo’s father. And tbh, I’m Team No One because the thing I dislike the most about this show is the love triangle no one asked for. But at this point, I just wish they would settle for one or the other and be done with the whole thing. I hope this moment between Jane and Michael means she’s leaning toward him, even if it’s just for the whole triangle thing to be over. But if I’ve got this show right, we’ll probably get a Rafael moment next episode that makes her doubt her feelings yet again.

26) How can Rafael even consider the possibility of seeing his own kid twice a year? What type of man are you if that even crosses your mind? How can one kid be more valuable than another?

27) And the fact that Jane is the one making this decision for him speaks volumes about the type of person he is. So, if she had had any problems with Petra sticking around, then he would’ve gladly given up on one of his children??

28) Rogelio and Xiomara continue to be the most functional couple in this show and I love them for it…

ROGELIO: You were right, there was chemistry. But let's be real, I would have chemistry with a cardboard box. You are who I want to be with.

XIOMARA: Good. Then I'll suck it up and deal with it.

ROGELIO: You don't have to. I told Dina, "No, Luciana's out.

XIOMARA: Uh, but is that what's best for the show?

ROGELIO: No, but you're more important than the show. We're gonna have to hire someone subpar, and I will shine brightly enough for us both.

29) What the hell did Rose this to these poor people? They were terrified to hear her name…

30) Okay, so the Germans didn’t kidnap Luisa for Rose but to get to Rose…

31) Here we go again…

And why did Petra take a picture? Who am I kidding? It’s obviously for blackmailing purposes, duh.

32) A literal cliff-hanger, that was epic!

33) Okay, I’m intrigued by the Rose storyline, but I really hope her whole motivation to be brought back into the mix is not her love for the moron. I’m over the whole Jane-Rafael-Michael love triangle, and I continue to be proud af of Xiomara and Rogelio. I have zero idea what Luciana is holding over his head, though. If I’d have to guess, I’d say it’s something embarrassing rather than something unethical or illegal.

34) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Jane the Virgin #JTV #Jane Villanueva #Rogelio De la Vega #Michael Cordero #Rafael Solano #Petra Solano #Xiomara Villanueva #JTV 2x03 #JTV recap #mine

10 notes · View notes

needlefac · 3 years ago

Photo

I Travelled back to home Bolton this weekend (09.07.21) and its a big deal. I've been fully out as trans just less than one year. I have only seen my mother twice and my father once in that time. My uncle, cousin and her twin boy and girl are coming up from down south to see me too. I was nervous to say the least. This is just my diary of the weekend and I hope it resonates with some of you. Family can be difficult and I know my experience isn't unique but I feel like sharing this is necessary. I feel weird being in my old room. I was so sad here sometimes. I can see marks in the wall where I literally punched it. My mum has papered over it (no need to over egg the metaphor there) and she calls it the “guest room” now. I’m a guest in my own memory. Mum was digging out some old photos and I look miserable in most of them. Even at weddings, no especially at weddings. I mean, who’s the bitch in the frock getting all the glory! Oh yeah, it’s my sister. It wasn’t always bad here but I did have to run away to be who I am. I know that “small town boy�� thing is a cliché but it’s totally true. Bolton is a dead town if your interests include techno, contemporary art and wearing latex. (Not necessarily in that order) It’s 01.45 am. The glow on the horizon from this window is Manchester. Only 15 miles away but a world of difference. I’ve only been back here 5 hours and I’m looking at that perceived emerald city like I used to. I’d tune into Kiss 102 and listen to the city until I was old enough to get there at night. The 0161 wasn’t always the answer but it allowed me to be Freda. When I got here today my dad was in bed. I took that a bit personally. He’s not seen me since Christmas, he could have stayed up a bit. I don’t know if he’s avoiding me or just tired. I’ll find out tomorrow, I suppose. My mum acts like everything is ok no matter what. There could be a hurricane coming at the house and she would just close the curtains and say “let’s deal with it later when we’ve all calmed down”. I wanted the hurricane so badly when I was young. I should stop over thinking this. I’ve had wine. I can’t sleep. I woke up early because my eyes were all crusty and itchy and my breathing was shallow. Then I realised the pillows my mum had put on the bed were feather and I'm slightly allergic. So that wasn't the best start but like everything about Bolton, I'm slightly allergic. My mums first concern of the day was picking up a bag of compost form the local hardware place, Maher's. In my mind I hear her say, 'I need some dirt from Mars'. Which causes the first laugh of the day. She needs me to do things like this for her because my dad can no longer drive due to a stroke he had 2 years ago. Anyroad, l wait outside Maher's for my mum and a burly lad in an England shirt brings out 3 bags of compost and says to me 'where do you want this, love?'. 'In my boot, love. Where all the shit goes', I say. When my mum comes back to the car l say 'oh he was cute', mainly to test her tolerance and also because I'm an idiot. Mum simply said 'football is going home'! So when we got back to the house my dad was up and shuffling around like he does. He's interested in the camera drone l bought. He wont say anything about me being trans or call me Freda. It doesn't even bother me. The fact he wants to learn to fly a remote control camera over next doors house is much more fun in that moment. He crashes it into the tree and he shouts 'mission abort mission abort'. Yeh, that's how l feel about coming to Bolton most of the time. My dad was in the RAF as an aerial photographer. I knew he would enjoy this but he was getting all too technical for a 80 quid plastic toy off amazon. I don't know what 'triangulation of trajectory' is. I always feel like Bobby Hill in these moments (my dad was actually a salesman for Calor Gas and sold propane and propane accessories for a while). Anyway, I think he appreciates that I found something to break the ice, even if he wont say she/her or call me Freda yet. I had to get out of the house before my cousin and her children turn up. She knows all about my transition and is very supportive but l haven't seen her for 5 years and it will be the first time I've met her twin boy and girl who are 7 years old now. The main reason for getting out was to explore Bolton town centre. Somewhere I've not been for quite some time. I went to one of my old haunts, The Olde Man and Scythe which is one of the oldest pubs in England, going back to the 13th century. They used to hang traitors outside here during the Civil War. So I decided to sit out side there reading Majesty Magazine sipping a gin and tonic in the Sun. Imagine living in a time when a culture war raged and people were divided along binary political lines and everyone was expected to take a side? Just imagine! I've never felt more fully actualised as a person as when a drunken fool approaches me and says 'oh you look nice, love. Can l steal a roly off you'. Yes, I'm truly validated as a woman now. This is it! No amount of psychological counselling can top this. As l lick the cigarette paper and make eye contact with this feckless tosspiece I'm reminded of how precarious my situation is if he clocks me. Is he going to read me? No he's too enthralled by my wide staring eyes, the silly sod. My next stop was the Bolton Museum and Art Gallery. There is an Egyptian room which l love. So, naturally took some photos to align myself with Queen Nefertiti and all my delusional fantasies of being some sort of mythical goddess. The thing that interests me most about this is the cotton industry connection. In my artwork and performance staging l take a lot of influence from the industrial revolution. The fact that Egyptian cotton was instrumental in that is something that creates a timeline we are all insignificant on. Its both cosmic and visceral, esoteric and factual. Seeing those cotton spinning machines alongside the astrological ambitions of ancient kings is so centring to me. An absolute connection of Heaven and Earth. From the universe of stars to the factory floor, Everything was built on immortality ambitions of industrialists and cotton in this town. I had to come down a bit from that museum experience. Whoever is curating that needs some sort of award. I had to get ready to meet my cousin, Sarah who is just one month older than me. We have lead parallel lives . Her Mother, my dad's sister moved away down south when she met her husband. They live in Wiltshire and she was educated in a way l wasn't. I've always had memorable moments with Sarah on the rare times we have spent together over the years. In some ways she was the girl l wanted to be when l was young. I was never jealous of her or held any bitterness but l remember wishing my parents would talk to me in the same way Sarah was. It just seemed to make more sense to me how her needs were met. It might be hindsight talking but I genuinely wished all the gifts for Sarah were the gifts for me. I was getting ready in my old bedroom and just trying to make myself look normal. Not some over done drag race also-ran. I've got pretty good at doing a 'day look' but even my day look is still scraping on foundation like Polyfilla! My mum came in saying 'that dress makes you look fat'. Thanks mum. This is just my mums way of trying to be funny. She said my neck looked naked and l wasn't sure what she meant. She went off to her bedroom and came out with a string of beads that looked like snooker balls on a rope. (yes, I exaggerate for comic effect). As she was hooking the necklace to the back of my neck l was held in a moment of mother/daughter interaction that produced a tear from my eye that l just didn't want to show. Time stopped there in that moment like every time that didn't happen in the past happened then in one consolidated event of simple love and I pretended to be more annoyed that I'd have to reapply my eye liner. So I drive with my mum and dad in the car to meet Sarah, the twins and my Uncle at the restaurant in the West Pennine Moors of Bolton. Its been such a build up this moment and now there is no bottling out. I'M here, I'm Freda and they are just going to have to deal with it. I see my cousin rolling up in their 4x4 super posh child transporter and the kids get out first and run up to me and l don't know what to do when they say 'hello aunty Freda'. I know they have be briefed, l know Sarah has told them to do this but even so those words feel like gold. Sarah says I look great and l bloody-well do, to be fair. No one mentions or brings up my trans-ness and while its noted my dad is the odd one out in not calling me Freda I notice the support is on my side. One of Sarah's children whispers to the other while looking at me. I say 'are you two ok there' and they say 'we like the drawing on your arm'. Its telling that the only thing they notice about me is the tattoo. I'm sure they have more to ask in time and I'm so glad they have a mother who is relaxed and open enough to answer any questions they might have in future as they grow up. I'd like to think my presence and influence is a good one. This wasn't the big deal I'd been building it up to be but my mum continues to embarrass me with her ways. She bought Sarah and the kids a few gifts which were in the boot of my car. While she was giving out all these lovely things she said to me 'Freda, don't forget that bag of compost from mars, ill save some for you'. Thanks mum. Bye bye Sarah. Don't leave it so long next time. I Drove my parents home and said my goodbyes. My dad didn't say much, just 'be careful with the drone. if you fly too high it will go out of out control'. I know dad, l know. Freda's come home.

#transgender trans comingout

0 notes

lifeofapoorvegetarian · 7 years ago

Text

So one of my many goals of 2018 was to be less of a garbage person...

I mean that very literally.

I want to produce less trash. Now, of course, yes I recycle and use Tupper ware, but there are so many little things that easily make lots and lots of waste and it builds up fast. People always talk about the three R’s Reuse, Reduce, Recycle, but there is actually a fourth R and it’s Refuse. If you have the choice to prevent something from being made or used it prevents it from ever needing to be waited or recycled in the first place.

So we are about 7 weeks into 2018 and here is what I’m doing thus far

Composting

So my first action was to get into the world of composting. I did some reach on worms and bin and storage. I live in an apartment (second floor) so a backyard compost pile was not an option for me. I finally found a small compost container on Amazon that I liked. However I a weird twist of events Amazon won’t ship it to me...no joke they literally won’t ship compost bins to my zip code, apparently, there is some ordinance against it. So did I give in, never, instead I have resorted to tossing (non-stinky) scraps into the greenery around the complex. Crazy maybe a little...but I only do small increments like apple cores and tomatoes that have gone yucky. So far if nothing else it’s made me feel less wasteful and I’ve yet to get any complaints from the neighbors. If you live in a home with a backyard start a compost pile it’s insanely easy to find more information on that right here

Breaking the mini plastic addiction

Now you’re probably thinking Kate, everyone is 2018 has at least some form of Tupper ware and I have tons of it too, I use lots of tuppers for lunches and left overs. However, I honestly have a terrible habit when it comes to minor plastic bit such as disposable cutlery, straws, and of course Starbucks cups. However, as of today, I’ve been about 2-3 weeks of packing reusable cutlery in my work lunches which has become a good and easy habit. I even while eating at a fast food place the other day turned down plastic forks in use of my own at home. I’ve totally stopped using any form of zip lock bag and if the time occurs when I forget my reusable bag at the grocery store I pay the extra bit for paper. (Seriously guys plastic bags are a trash nightmare). Plus I’m making a commitment to cut the chord on my use of press and seal wrap. (More on that below). The toughest let go for me are straws, I know it sounds insane, but I freaking LOVE using straws. (Also, I am fairly clumsy and using a straw to drink out of cup means a lot less embarrassing mishaps) But the time has come to cut the chord, and turn down the straw. I want to get the point where I even request not to have them at restaurants and bars. (P.S. I’m obviously not counting using reusable straws which I use in my tumbles all the damn time.)

The Purchases I recommend

Water Bottle: OK I know it sounds insane, but there are still people on this planet who don’t own a reuseable water bottle. If you are this person WTF are you doing with your life? Seriously cute, durable water bottles are practically a dime a dozen. Get one or three just stop buying augafina by the 12 pack, one it’s insanely overpriced and two why are you living in 1995?! Here is a store with great quality bottles. I have literally dropped my Nalgene down two flights of cement stares and it’s completely fine.

Bee’s Wrap: You, just like me may be seeing this stuff pop up all over facebook. I just ordered some this week and am skeptical, but determined to cut my ties with press and seal wrap. I’ll do a small review of it once I’ve had ti for a week or so. If you want to get some too click here or if you want to make your own click here. Side note has anyone heard of a soy wax version of this??

How about you guys, I would love to hear about your resolutions for the year, share them in my ask box!

Happy Friday lovelies!

P.S. I’ll be tracking my less trash journey with #BelessofaGarbagePerson

#vegan #vegetarian #Lush #BeLessofaGarbagePerson

5 notes · View notes

violetsystems · 5 years ago

Text

#personal

Like most vacations since last year, I don’t really do much of anything exciting. The entire last year I took a week off every two months. Part of it I stayed home cleaning and decluttering my stuff. I’ve been living in the same place for about a decade now. Every year there’s something new to conquer. Lately it’s mostly been about enjoying my time alone here. I literally cannot leave the house without someone trying to hijack my time. I wish I could explain it better but it just comes with the territory. Some people become famous. Other people become this sort of fixture or anchor. In some ways I’ve thought of it as developing an infrastructure or ecosystem around me. How I spend money. Where I spend money. What personal information I share. What I keep to myself. There’s a lot of life I have to declutter outside of my apartment on a daily basis. A friend from China messaged me yesterday to vent about being quarantined. The banks were closed until Monday. There’s a lot of people trying to get a read off of me for any number of current events. Politics lately I have tuned out from completely. Mostly for my own peace of mind. Sometimes for my own safety. Too many people have gotten the wrong idea about things I’ve done particularly when it comes to the arts. I find nobody ever really asks you if you are cool with any of it. You just end up in public in a vulnerable space and someone is there to manipulate it. It doesn’t help I walk everywhere. You can see me coming from a mile away literally. Which means that sometimes I don’t really like leaving my house at all in Chicago. Especially after so many years of people pulling these sort of art pranks on me to get me to ‘engage.’ I spent years trying to engage society. I spent money on thirteen or fourteen plane tickets to South Korea, Japan and China. I volunteered for a Korean American Chamber of Commerce three years in a row after work. Years later Im a fragment of my deeds warped by whatever dark matter forces are at work in Capitalist America. When people who barely know me insinuate I don’t do enough for the cause I respond mostly with a yawn. I am literally too tired to focus or argue on explaining why I disengaged from everything and everyone. I didn’t shut myself out completely. It’s a tenuous balance of being hyper alone behind closed doors and hyper visible when I walk out to check my mail. Being famous to me was always described like this though it seemed it had a payoff. I’ve seen literally nothing other than my salary which last time I checked is about actual work and not fame. So many people leech off my name but have never reached out to see if I was ok. And I’ve largely been ok by forgetting about all of it and walking the hell away from the discourse. Like constantly attending a lecture about your own life without any q and a. What am I supposed to do? Sit in the audience and blow snot bubbles while you get every single fact and intention wrong about what I’ve done my whole life. I’d rather sit at home and play Hearthstone while I intercept my pet’s food deliveries for the month. GPS is magic. So is waiting outside for your packages.

I’ve had to come up with elegant solutions to real world problems. Social engineering when applied to your own life can fix a lot of unfixable shit with other people. Society is rubber banded together with money most of the time in America. People try to guilt you into community all the time. But the rate of return varies wildly on the quality of people you surround yourself with. There are people out here I can only rely on to a certain point. And then there’s me who isn’t ever interested in giving up the control I worked very hard to achieve in my life. I wake up in my surroundings every day. I pay the bills. I feed the cats. I sit at the kitchen table and drink amazing coffee while I play online games at my kitchen table. When I go to New York it’s much of the same except in public. There’s a reason why I don’t do that much in Chicago anymore. It gets abused. The return on me leaving my house and being vulnerable has been zero. I still sit here in complete obscurity while people debate my social value behind my back. A few of my friends on here know the entirety of the charade. And it probably starts to sound to all of us like a dystopian horror novel unraveling. I shaved my head again. Some people might think that’s drastic. The truth is my hair now matches my passport. It’s a weird sort of collision of nostalgia for me. People keep referencing multiple decades of how they know me. Different versions of how I’m important to society. All of them nothing to do with me currently. I feel like nobody really knows who I am except me. And in some ways I’ve matured enough to be ok with all of that. Including the part where I tell people to silently fuck off and do my own thing. The simple truth is I’m not intimidated by anything anymore. I’m bored with all the talk. I’m bored with all the simulation and theory. I’ve lived my life and I’m sick of having to question it to enjoy it. Some people make hard choices. For years everything sucked. And now I sit in my fish bowl every morning counting my blessings and planning my spending. I read the news and it makes less and less sense to me. Subtle things mean more to me. Like how I used to want to compost and never could find a worm. Somehow magically I found one wiggling through my window garden. Now I have a whole worm army. I fed an outdoor cat for years and now it sleeps quietly at my side at night. I feel more isolated by humanity than nature. Which is a really fucked up thing to realize when the planet is overrun by human greed. People look for signs in other places. Soothsayers tell you whatever you want to hear in whatever way suits them. Nature speaks in different ways. I don’t particularly identify as a druid. Christians call me a witch when I randomly crash their protests outside of planned parenthood. I’m more of a warlock at the end of the day. Locking myself out of all this bullshit once and for all. One mandatory social quarantine at a time.

It’s not that I fear society and what it can do to me. I’m way past that. The matrix said it best. Humanity is it’s own virus wreaking havoc on ecosystems because it can’t control itself. Everybody needs more. Nobody knows what they want. Nobody has to courage to stand their ground and wait in protest. I sometimes wonder whether I’m going to rot away here alone. I visit New York too much for that to be a reality. And so the less I question myself the better. There’s no shortage of people fishing for information out of me. I’ve written it all here for years with little or no hesitation and people still don’t get it. They don’t want to get it. They don’t want to let me be me. They want to attach year after year to me to weigh me down. Every year they weren’t there shows even worse these days. I’m not the one being difficult. I literally deal with irresponsible bullshit every day in every corner of my life. At a certain point, I treat everything like I treat alcohol. I walked away from it completely. I didn’t seek help. I helped myself. Sometimes the minimalism of isolation is getting yourself back to zero. Restoring balance to the force within. I am moderately comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes I’m not. I spend a lot of time in my kitchen doing pilates and yoga in an app. I used to over exercise. Like I was fighting against all the chaos in my life. Things have kind of settled down to a more efficient clip. Yesterday I spent most of the day waiting for packages at home. I got a lot of laundry done. I relaxed and enjoyed my coffee. I got ready for New York without having to struggle with my messenger bag and the bus. Everybody is the first to point at me when it comes to supporting these brands. How I as the consumer become the target to teach a lesson. I lost my car over a decade ago. I paid the entire thing off. I had to leave it with my ex-girlfriend to get her out of my life completely. It was nowhere near fair. I still get robocalls about my car’s extended warranty. And yet here I am using the bus and the train. Gas prices don’t register to me. My driver’s license is expired. My head is also shaved in that one. Somethings have changed. Other things have not. Nobody gives me the respect I deserve. Nobody knows what I’ve been through and never acted like they cared enough to find out. So here I am done with most of it. Burnt out on everyone’s best intentions and empty words. It’s just me out here really at the end of the day. The confusing and sad thing is that this is for the best right now. That as much as things are crumbling around me I’m still always standing my ground. Sipping good coffee in my kitchen or in Brooklyn looking out at the street knowingly. It doesn’t really matter what I do these days. I just have to keep being me. Only I know how to do that. You can either enjoy and respect that. Or you can know how it feels to be forgotten about. Because I’ve got way too much trouble on my mind to bring any more baggage into my next life. The one where I’m happy and loved by someone who deserves my attention. That’s the one I’m currently living. <3 Tim

0 notes

hamletstudy · 5 years ago

Photo

[1/100] - // 7.18.19 // death’s head hawkmoth

So I’ve been kind of emotional as of late. I was jarred into remembering about the ghost of the knight that guarded Jenna Heap’s bedroom after seeing a photoset with a description that listed various ways how ghosts could exist or reasons why they would linger: and that those paired with strong emotions never did fade away. For some reason, this triggered the floodgates: and I found myself weeping over a knight whose name I can’t even remember. I just know that he was fond of silly jokes, and often made terrible puns. He presided over the princess’ bedroom as he had for all of the other princesses before her, and when the castle was being overcome with dark magic thanks to Simon, her brother gone rogue: he made a spirited (spirited!) attempt to defend her. There’s something about that sweet wholesomeness in a paternal figure that really made me bawl, especially when he’s clumsy about it and sometimes taken for granted when Jenna is in a snit.

I keep hearing the whip poor will birds. The tiger lilies that’d been shorn and placed into a glass to dry out and die have long been disposed of, mulched back into the earth, maybe- buried like compost in little piles in the rich loam. They call in a peculiar sort of way, against the other bright birdsong that lights up in early morning and continues until late evening, when the sun falls from the skies: a repeated end noise that makes it sound as if they’re speaking to you.

I haven’t heard, or seen any black birds: crows, ravens, red winged black birds, and I’m worried that the mortal offense of the SUV nearly running them over made them a little more cold, indifferent: I hadn’t had any of them call at my usual alarm hours. I can understand. Or perhaps it’s just that I’m growing up- after all, a coming of age, a loosening of the bonds of childhood: plunged into new plumages and new eras coming alighting down on feathers not so glossily inky.

I’ve been watching a lot of Dr. Mike reacts to medical dramas as of late- I think it’s just that weird, parasocial coziness of having someone more informed than I am explain as we go along, a sort of false learning that I nod and smile at while idly digitally collaging in the background. Speaking of digital collaging, I forgot how soothing that is for me. It’s the perfect way to go about it. The internet has limitless resources, all of the ways to edit it you could want- without any of the mess of glue, shakily trimmed edges from damaged hands, and no worrying about the bulk or tearing if you choose to arrange them in a particular way.

I’ve been feeling isolated. I feel like I know some things approximately, and not very many concretely. The sheer variation of plants around here is comforting, in a distracting sort of way: but the birds are beginning to haunt me. They’re there when I wake up, jarred from sleep- they’re there when I’m trying to go to bed. They’re always there. The greenery seems so far apart from me: almost too exhausted to take in the variation. It all seems like so much work.

It feels like I’m perpetually exhausted. My body seems to want eight hours of its own accord, regardless of the timespan that this falls into. I’m sick of being eaten alive in my own house. The walls are infested with biting bugs: my shoulders and back are livid and red, and I’ve expressed pus from several of them, including on my face and fingers myself. Blood spattering down my face has become almost commonplace.

My hair is a lot more biddable when it’s not being run through the daily stress of being washed three times with enough shampoo to drown a rat in. I’ve killed one black spider that was already curled up and twitching after I trod on a curtain, and one fly that took entirely too long to die. I’m a terrible shot with a towel. I like running my hands through my bangs. The way that it looks as if I’ve a particularly short, boyish cut is really pleasing. I think the bang running is a self soothing habit borne of nervousness, though. Sometimes I pull at my hair in frustration. It’s annoying to try to sleep with it all bundled up into a bun, but even in the cooler depths of the basement- which due to the odd placement of a hilly slope, is really the ground floor, it’s hot as hell. And giant mosquitos live down there. Alongside the black widow colony that set up residence and that I spotted first, as well as swaying, white thick strands of webbing that had gotten all tangled up and coarse.

Found a book that I forgot that I had lent, that I had owned. The sparkly triangles on the cover are soothing. The heft of the book, the cut of the pages. The softness of its supine spine. I cried when I realized it was a book about a woman in my shoes, who had chosen to be furiously happy in spite of her circumstances. Perhaps to spite them. I could only bring myself to read a single chapter. She’s high energy: a lot to process. Even in text I’m an introvert, worn out and exhausted by interactions, even of the parasocial kind.

I tested all of the toilets in the house when we first moved, and ranked them in order of how likely I thought that I might break them, hilariously. The one assigned to me is the one that I thought worked the best, even if it’s cold: and positioned weirdly, it’s tiny, everything lined up: window, you, mirror. You watch others watching yourself, blinds a thin separation. It’s kind of hilarious in a metaphorical sort of way.

I took a bath for the first time in maybe a year, maybe more- and it felt like a religious experience. I wept at being held. I wept at the sensation of being loved, of something that I longed for and missed and hadn’t had the time or chance to in so long. My body hurt, less. I could forget myself, suspended tenderly in the suds. I cried. I stayed in the bath until it ran cold, and pulled myself out hesitantly, gingerly. I wanted to stay. I stayed for the better part of two hours, wrinkling all over. I cried until I couldn’t tell where I ended and started.

The cold winds in combination with the random mechanical sounds and various airplanes flying overhead, with a wet edge to the air can make night seem particularly foreboding. I’m cranky. I’ve been a lot more on emotional tenterhooks as of late. I’ve found myself living according to waiting around for others, on their whims- and I don’t like that. It’s something that I need to address again. It’s the malaise of not having a concrete, solo project to pour all of my attention into.

I swing between wild extremes. If I was an astrologist in any earnest capacity, I would blame it on my gemini moon and libra aspect to my sun sign. Because I don’t believe in astrology, and at most think it’s an amusing short hand to quickly communicate with others about ourselves that at best: has social value, rather than scientific, I chalk it up to a lack of structure and order in my routine, all over the place eating and times, weirdly bunched up water intake, and being sweaty and hormone fluctuations and blood loss out the wazoo.

There was still beach sand inside of my pen, when I took a closer look at it, after a moment of startled fear and confusion as to why the texture was so different on it. Summer draws ever closer to an end and it paralyzes me. I’m horrified by the passage of time, and this time, that deep dread and anxiety about it started as early as the very first week of July. I really hope that this doesn’t start becoming a trend. It strikes me that it probably won’t have the opportunity to, considering the odd placement of summer in the higher echelons of education.

Going into a new city, dealing with new circumstances and faces and navigating it all pretty much after being tossed into the deep end- terrifying. Being stranded in the concrete jungle without a scrap of greenery, other than the tall pink tree in whose bowers I saw a peregrine falcon slaughter a pigeon and rip it to shreds one summer? Terrible. But then, even now- the nature here drives me to distraction. I can’t really enjoy it. I wonder what part of me lost the ability to do that, to sit simply in the world and let it wash over me in deep, abiding comfort.

The cold grayness of the city is depressing, the soot and grime of it settles into your bones and after awhile even the warmth of summer, or the rattling heater can’t make me feel any better about the black, sooty snow churned into a slushy slurry beneath your feet. And the stairs! It’s just the shift of newness. It’s not entirely unknown grounds. It’s a place I know well by night and summer and the neon, shifting quality of holidays. Not so much in its every day to day. But I think it’ll be alright. Its always been the closest thing I’ve ever had to a home city, throughout all of my turmoil brewing years.

I think a part of it is deep grief that’s been stirred up again by contact I didn’t expect. I think a part of it is the sharp hurt at realizing that my importance in others’ lives is not the same as theirs in mind. I know logically, that just calls for a readjustment, a tuning in dialing: but having the curtain pulled back on it aches all of the same. The things we do for the people we love, not knowing if they love us in the same ways, in the ways that matter.

I haven’t been able to bring my pen down onto the paper. I finger the frilled edge from where I ripped pages out, scoring down with a pair of splayed open scissors, I smell the perfume, heady and rosy and floral, and sweet, so sweet- mellowing out the sharp printer’s ink, still a cloud that gets thrown up, a scent of beauty and warm summer beach sand, eating melted icecreams and lying in white, clean sheets snuggled against the blue silky pillowcases that I love so much- and I can’t bring myself to mar it. I don’t know what to do with it. I want to make a safe space, a familiar place: a private sanctum before, to have a place to retreat to, a concept of safety, a place to head back to when I am unsure and lost and questioning, but I can’t bring myself to. A part of me wonders if it is because I am punishing myself for all of the things I cannot bring myself to do, out of that paralyzing fear of indecision, and learned helplessness.

It’s something that bites at me constantly: where do I stand in others’ eyes? Sometimes it surprises me, the unwavering support revealed in a pithy, half of a joke remark. Sometimes it punches the air out of my lungs, a twisting hurt at realization: and smothering it underneath, because no one told you to feel like that. No one ever said that they felt like that. You had just assumed, and sometimes- your assumptions are wrong. Sometimes you are wrong. You walk around with grief in your eyes, tangled in your hair, hands shaking from holding all of it, dripping from the corner of your mouth like the spit and snot and tears that cut tracks down your face: like the baying hounds fighting over territory two doors down.

But whose fault is it, really? You’re the one who put it there.

I read something that struck home. It isn’t naive to expect people to appreciate your love. It was an empty, generic platitude, and yet somehow it was as comforting to see as being wrapped up in my favourite blanket and eating my favourite chocolate cake. I know that I eat to self soothe. I know that it’s a problem. These days, my hands are gnawed down bloodily raw, I am anxious, trembling, walking through my days with generalized anxiety and fear and wanting to cry. I find myself crying at little to no provocation. I feel like a vessel of water filled to the brim: the top bulging with surface tension. One drop and I rupture, I shatter- the elasticity only goes so far. I spilleth over.

I’ve been listening to a lot of country music. I’ve been listening to a lot of indie pop music. I’ve been listening to a lot of Russian pop music, because I was trying to find a ringtone for Sascha’s father in the thing I’m writing with my friend. I found myself crying, shoulders heaving, shoulders trembling over an Ed Sheeran song, of all things: at the idea of being able to put it all on someone else, put it into their hands, let go of that weight and be held for a little while, just to be taken care of. I feel as if that’s what I truly want, underneath all the hysteria and the raw, rough edges: to be loved, and to love in turn. Sometimes I run across songs that chafe at me: make me feel seen, exposed, a throbbing wound barely held back by the lightest layer of skin, the blood flushing the surface: that you aren’t alright. And I don’t think that I am alright.

I find myself crying myself to sleep these days. It makes me sad in an abstract sort of way, for myself, for the fact that I am crying. The winds remind me of when I was a child, and spoke to the wind: fully believing that it was a man, it was named Zephyr, that he pushed and carried my tiny body down the windy round about, that he made tiny cyclones and leaf circulations where I waved twigs at: the sensation of being held and caressed by the wind, hair gently tousled and pried loose. It feels as if a little part of my past has come back to haunt me. I feel as if I am a dwelling of ghosts. I feel as if I am a collection of all that has happened to me, rather than what I have done. I question what exactly I have done.

It’s bizarre what changing the quality of light will do to you: the sky seems flat and gray, and the world similarly dulled and muted for it: the skies are yellow. The umbrella is a stark, sharp red: the extended wood light overtop, weathered, cracked, grey. I want to take a power washer to it.

I want to write a book some day. Who doesn’t? Why? I promised the woman who kept me writing, inspired me to continue to- she said that she expected, in the easily gracious way of absolute faith, to see a dedication in the front cover’s page to her. I don’t know what I want to write about. I don’t know. I sit here for hours sometimes, paralyzed by indecision, unable to make a choice: unable to commit to even the most meaningless of things. Paper or pen. Fridge or room temperature. This identical pen, or the other? Phone or computer? What to hold in my pockets? What to eat?

I feel like I’m slipping into bad habits. Last summer I starved myself thinner. People noticed, complimented me: told me to keep up the good work. I’ve put all of it back on and then some, and I’m disgusted at being recognized. There is an ache in wanting to be seen, and the revulsion in that actually transpiring. It is central to the experience of womanhood. This summer I find myself indulging in comfort foods at hours when the night haunts me: oven soft chocolate chunk cookies, pizza folded over on itself, chocolate cake with creamy frosting, burgers with red onions that make my mouth smart and hurt but God, they’re good. I’ve been drinking a lot of water. I’ve been taking my iron pills. I’ve been trying to see if I have been getting enough sleep. Learning to be gentle with myself is a process.

I’m a woman now, not a girl. No longer the feral wild child, haunting the clover fields and picking through for red budding gowns, laughing with delight at monarchs high up in the sky: symbolic for a livening of the senses, a quickening of breath: the heart thrumming and racing with enthusiasm at learning that the wonders captured on the glossy ink page were real, and here in this life too: but a tired eyed, hollowed out woman. A woman who can’t find solace in the outdoors, who shies from the biting insects, who expresses pus and dribbles blood, spurting out onto mirrors, so tired. I have lines from frowning, now. I have lines carved in lightly where my eyebrows scrunch and furrow. I wear my unhappiness writ across my face, even when I don’t want to be. The monarchs haven’t come this year. They haven’t in many.

The first anniversary of the worst day of my life harkens: and I dread it. Immediately after is one of the most hysterical belated birthday gifts possible, a little nod of absurdism from the universe. Emotional whiplash. It’ll be a year soon. A year into the unknown, stumbling forwards into the future: time doesn’t wait for anyone, doesn’t slow down, doesn’t stop: even as we crawl forwards, haul ourselves on worn down fingernails. And wasn’t it good? Wasn’t there good in it, after all? Even if you didn’t know to anticipate it? Didn’t know what to look forward to?

I’m a very tired young woman, who has been harangued by death all of my life. I think that I’ll live a little longer, as far as the odds go. Someday I will love the things that I love again. For now: I cry when it washes over me, and try to hold onto the idea that it’ll be alright.

#elleDOP.txt

0 notes

dancekickboxcardio · 5 years ago

Text

I have so much to say. Apparently, weird has this way of changing your perspective. It doesn’t mean your personality has altered over time. You want the 1 million point of difference only an experienced stud 👩��‍🎓 would know. It only means something is done ✅ differently. Yes, you have to sort of have this acceptance knowing that it somehow fits within the way you see yourself.

This is why it’s weird. I wore the exact same thing like down to the underwear. You are gross yourself. Insane. I changed my hair 💇🏼‍♀️. There is a promo for chopping mane. It’s two weeks early on sched 📅. My Dad said don’t worry 😉 about it. He’s paying 💵. It doesn’t makes a difference. Ok, fine like I am not going to get eye 👁 check up discount 🏷. But I care about handling finances 🔣🔢. Who gives a hoot, your accounting ✍🏾 and what shows on your bank 🏦 statement doesn’t match. Don’t give a fudge. You are not making cash for other people. Yeah, I don’t work. It’s not like you used up all your retirement for an endeavor and have nothing left for other basics like medical 🏥 bills , car repairs 🔧🔩 etc. Oh, you want me to cover the difference so you meet your needs. Well, well, you are a piece of ray of sunshine ☀️. You are as desperate as delusional. But yeah, you appear wealthy. There you go. Hard earned money double job. Don’t tell me you have nothing to do on a terrible credit.

I woke up to use the bathroom and got up again to give my Mom my grocery 🛒 list. I couldn’t go back to bed 🛏. I was groggy 🥴 and didn’t think 🤔 I’ll be up because I probably fell asleep 💤 between 1 and 2. Rest is important ⚠️ esp if you train. I am not sure what to do with myself. I need to wash 🧽 dishes, I could get my hair done 💁🏼‍♀️. I was thinking 💭 of something else too. It escapes me but it’s like at the top of my tongue 😛 . My consciousness has it, it’s just not in forefront executive thinking.

I had, I shouldn’t surprise 😯 myself an off beat day yesterday. I know I am not all there edgy sharp. That’s ok. In fact, afternoon, I was smiling 😀 at the girls who look 👀 like they were making a music 🎶 video exercising in the studio. Then, I was thinking to myself. This is the funny 😁 part. I either can’t open the door 🚪 because I am opening the wrong way or I missed the door and almost hit my face on it not paying attention. It makes for a good caught on tape 🎥 moment. Straight from a comedy movie 🍿. I mean when you need me, I am performing. Yet, I didn’t pack utensils 🍴. There was a seeming ridiculous story about how they keep the stuff behind the kitchen counter and you have to buy 💲💲💲💲💲💲 something. No, it’s not free. I was going to joke the day before to a kid albeit sick that charging his phone 📱 costs him a dollar 💵 . I needed to eat breakfast 🍳. I asked for spoon 🥄. They said their stuff is special. Oooooh 👻. No, seriously, health conscious ritzies love 💕 it that their thing is expensive and it helps the earth 🌏. Apparently, people were stealing the plastic forks, knife etc that stay in the landfills for thousands of years. Ugh 😑 , this vegaware is like you can put in a compost. “Heal the world 🗺. Make it a better place.” 🎵

youtube

The place was quiet 🤫 yesterday. I quipped with the lifeguard, it’s a Friday. Ah, I love 💗 the pleasant 70 weather ☀️ ⛅️. Before I forget I have to mention that I didn’t realize I was tuned 🎼 in to oldies music. I swear I chose L.A Kiss 💋 FM 📻. Yeah, don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t change it for the heck of it. I liked this song 🎤.

The foodie 🥗 was my first actual purchase 💳 from the café to get something to use to pick up my food 🥘. Am I suppose to slurp the yogurt 🍦? I stayed a little longer outside since it’s not hot 🥵 like it’s going to be 80s and 90s this week. I remem when my paternal grandpa 👴🏻 died we went around and visit relatives and not work on our trip ✈️. I was playing out in the backyard, baseball ⚾️ with my cousins. I have issue with Ohio summer. I have a sensitive reaction. One way ticket 🎟 😒 on debt. Please don’t make me laugh 😆. I was out by the pool 🏊🏻‍♀️ 2.5 hours longer ⏱. I was like, “Let’s tweet 📱 nicely outside.” I went to bathroom often which makes sense because feeling faint 😨 I drank a lot of water 💦 and yes, your body has it’s own clock work mechanism. It doesn’t care whether you want to go or not. I fell asleep 😴 on my belly, Thank God. I had a great discussion with Mary the yoga 🧘🏼‍♀️ instructor. She was strict, tough and very good in teaching the practice. My FNP friend goes peptobismol and she said heat exhaustion. I found the alternative simple solution by the master yogi palatable. Lemon 🍋 on water 💦. I told her, without a doubt, I am having orthostatic pressure probs. I checked my BP last night. It was within range. But folding in half, yes, I know I am aware I am out of breath than usual, all the symptoms were back nausea 🤢, headache 🤕, feeling of pallidness. This might be the primary issue. Yet, the changes in weather patterns I feel is also concomitant. I didn’t lift 💪🏾 🦵🏾. It was my plan. I waited for my Mom and watch stupid 📺 TV. I saw Ahmed and said hi 👋🏾.

Someone wants to make out 😻😽.

I am eating 🍽 outside of my recommended diet. I am hungry 😋. I should have breakfast 🍳.

0 notes

thecoroutfitters · 7 years ago

Link

We’ve talked at length about the most nutritious vegetables to grow, and about how to choose seeds and save them for the next year.

We’ve also talked about how to build a compost pile, and do container gardening, and just about every other gardening topic that you can think of, but what about what’s just plain easy?

Now you need a list of the easiest vegetables to grow, so this is for anybody trying to make a successful first attempt at gardening.

Potatoes

Potatoes are probably the easiest vegetable … err … tuber to grow because you basically plant them and forget them. I actually learned how to plant them in a 5-gallon bucket and haven’t looked back because it’s so easy.

Before we do that, though, let’s talk about the traditional way. Just let your potato grow eyes, then cut them off so that each section has an eye or two – that really is all that you need. Bury each start a foot or so apart and bury under about three inches of soil.

Once the plants reach a foot or so tall, pull dirt in from between the rows to make a mound around each plant. After that, just keep an eye out that they stay planted because they may work their way to the top of the soil.

To grow them in a bucket, just let the potato grow eyes, and plant the whole thing six inches or so down in the center of the bucket. You can cut it into eyes if you want, but you don’t have to.

In both circumstances, the potatoes are ready when the plant dies off.

Discover the golden days’ practice for getting all you can eat food without buying from the supermarket!

Herbs

Just about any herb is a piece of cake to grow. You simply plant the seeds a half-inch or so deep (I like to use the small seedling trays then separate them out into 6-inch pots when they get their second set of true leaves. As long as you keep the soil damp but not wet, they’ll grow marvelously.

Peppers

Peppers are super easy to grow, too. They’re another where you just plant the seeds a half-inch deep, water them a couple of times a week, and watch them grow. They do like a sandier soil, and it needs to be loose enough for the roots to grow, but packed enough to hold the roots in.

As far as water, they like the soil damp but not soaked, so again, the sandier soil helps with the drainage. Still, peppers are super low maintenance.

Cool trick – pepper seeds love warm soil – 75 degrees or better. When I start mine, it still gets cool at night, so I water them in the mornings with warm (not hot!) water to hurry germination along.

Melons

Some people are intimidated by melons, but I don’t really know why. They’re great for a traditional garden, or you can raise them in raised beds of even containers. Just make a mound of dirt, plant three or four seeds an inch or so deep in the center of the mound, and watch them grow.

Cucumbers

Cucumbers are another easy crop. They don’t mind sun and they’re happy with just a moderate amount of water. You don’t have to do any pruning or much babysitting at all. Grow them the same way that we just discussed growing melons, and they’ll be fine. The good thing about cucumbers is that you really can’t pick them too early. As soon as they look like cucumbers, whether they’re three inches long, or ten inches, (depending on variety because they don’t all get that big), they’re ready to eat.

My only suggestion with cukes is to keep an eye on them because they have a tendency to grow in the shady spots under the leaves and you’ll miss them if you don’t pay attention.

Lettuce

You seriously can’t get any easier than lettuce. It’s also an instant-gratification plant because you’ll see growth in just two or three days. Scatter your seeds over your soil (I use plastic Chinese takeout containers), rub your hands over them to sort of cover them in soil, give them some water, and you’ll have lettuce in no time. I like to mix my leaf lettuces, but that’s just me.

Carrots

Carrots are also easy to grow; in fact, you can grow them in window boxes, and they come in a whole variety of cool colors that offer visual distinction and a variety of nutrients. Carrot seeds are tiny like lettuce seeds are and you plant them in much the same way, except you want to spread the seeds out so that you’re only planting four seeds every inch or so.

Water the soil well before you plant, then cover them with a quarter-inch of soil and lightly pack it down. Pat it may be a more accurate term. Carrot tip – if you want pretty, elongated carrots instead of stubby deformed ones, make sure your soil is a little sandy and loose-packed because if it’s too packed, you’re carrots will look weird.

Green Beans

Beans are easy to grow, too. Bush beans may be the easiest to grow because they don’t need stakes, but I kind of like the runners because they’re tied up and ready to pick. If you’re going for something easy, especially if you’re growing in a container, then go for the bush beans.

If you’re planting traditionally, plant the seeds one inch deep and two inches apart, then thin bush bean seedlings to four inches apart, and pole bean seedlings to six inches apart.

Onions

Onions are another easy-peasy veggie to grow. I like to grow green onions – the ones similar to scallions – for eating raw with a sandwich or in a salad, but I prefer Vidalias or red onions for everything else. I’m not a big fan of that strong, oniony flavor, but onions are an absolute necessity in almost all of my savory recipes in one way or another.

If you’re planting green onions, plant them exactly as you planted your carrots. To plant big onions from seeds, plant the seeds about an inch down and about six inches apart. If you’re growing in containers, they can be a little closer together than that, but picture the full-sized onion under the soil to get a good visual idea of how much space to leave.

They like a looser soil, too.

Pumpkins

I used to love growing pumpkins just to see my son’s face when he was little. He used to love picking them for Halloween. Now just to be clear, there are many different kinds of pumpkins, so check that out before you plant. If you’re going to cook them into pies, for example, you don’t want to use jack-o-lantern-type pumpkins because they’re too stringy. That being said, any pumpkin can be a jack-o-lantern if you want it to be!

Still, the basic premise of growing pumpkins is pretty much identical to growing melons and cucumbers, so make last Halloween the final one where you had to buy a pumpkin.

I want you to succeed. I want you to enjoy growing your own food as much as I do, and I’ve tried to include a variety of different foods to help get you started. In that same vein, I’ve written a book called the Forgotten Lessons of Yesterday, which is a compilation of skills that were passed down to me.

It details everything from canning your own foods to making cheese, wine, and beer, to butchering meat, and I wrote it because I think that everybody should have the skills within it. We’re giving away some pretty cool bonuses with it too, so check it out!

Now, as usual, if you have anything that you’d like to add to this article – tips for beginners, questions, or just other veggies or fruits that are easy to grow – share them with us in the comments section below!

This article has been written by Theresa Crouse for Survivopedia.

from Survivopedia Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

#SHTF #TEOTWAWKI #MARTIALLAW #BUGOUT #PREPPERBAG #USAF #USSOCOM #ARMY #NAVY #SurvivalFirestarter #Sur

1 note · View note

recentanimenews · 5 years ago

Text

THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH Encounters A Star In Episodes 176-182!

Welcome to THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH! I’m Jared Clemons and I’ll be your host this week as we barrel on through all 220 episodes of the original Naruto anime adaptation. Last week in episodes 169-175, we got perhaps the best arc out of the filler thus far when we learned about Anko’s backstory and her history with Orochimaru. This week, it’s time to learn about how the postal service works and how dangerous meteorites can be in episodes 176-182.

I really enjoy the idea behind showcasing how regular jobs are handled within Naruto, like we’ve seen with the Chef Ninja and now the Delivery Ninja. It’s the right kind of goofy that you need when you’re as knee deep in filler as we currently are. We then transition out of that into another arc that takes us into the Hidden Star Village where they have quite a few secrets and a way to make their ninja incredibly powerful, but at a steep price. This arc was surprisingly grounded and I’m almost surprised we didn’t get something like aliens being behind the power of the meteorite. I think at this point, the filler could go completely off the rails and I wouldn’t be too shocked.

Before we see if Naruto and his pals can get to the bottom of what’s going on in the Hidden Star Village, let’s find out what the rest of the Crunchyroll Features team had to say about this week’s slate of episodes!

Jiraiya makes his return and we are also introduced to another regular job ninja in the Delivery Ninja. If you could have a one-off episode devoted to a random job that is now made for ninjas, what job would you choose?

Paul: Judging by how hardcore the ninja postal service is, I have to imagine that ninja tax collectors would be even more hardcore. Can you imagine trying to collect taxes from villages populated entirely by professional shinobi, who know every stealth and evasion trick in the book, not to mention having access to Genjutsu that could make you think a pile of leaves was a fresh stack of bills?

Danni: I want to see ninja athletes. Not really for any particular sport, I just want to see what kind of professional sports they’d come up with to utilize jutsu and what rules they’d have to put in place to regulate it. Kind of like how The Legend of Korra turned bending into its own sport.

Joseph: Ninja garbage men.

Carolyn: Kiba’s dog walking service. Shino’s flea circus. Ooh, ooh, Tsunade runs a gambling ring, Sasuke’s famous disappearing act with Naruto as a carnival barker, Jiraiya runs a burlesque show. Basically, Naruto goes to Vegas. This is a filler episode, after all.

David: Honestly I’d like to see the opposite - someone doing a completely mundane job that doesn’t require being a ninja at all, and when Naruto and friends try to help them with their ninja skills, they manage to make things worse every time and learn that not all problems need to be solved with jutsu.

Kara: Funny, I just went into a monologue on this on Twitter. I want to see the shop where villages go to get their ninja headbands. They probably have a three-ring binder of laminated pages of available symbols, which are all getting slowly used up so at some point you’re either gonna have to be the Village Hidden in the Dolphins or the Village Hidden in the Tribal Butterfly Design Things. Also I bet they have novelty ones for bachelor/ette parties.

Noelle: One thing I’d want to see is a general supply shop. The villages act like small cities, but where do they get food from, and how is all of that transported? Who protects the transports? Stuff that aids the day to day going more smoothly is something I’d like to see explored.

Kevin: I would want to know about something mundane but necessary for the main cast, like how paper bombs are made or the process of creating ninja tools, or some kind of jutsu research and creation facility if we’re allowed to go away from the silliness of ninja postmen. For something less educational and more insane and fun, maybe a ninja carnival where all of the attractions and employees are just using jutsu in really creative ways?

Speaking of Jiraiya, he comes and goes very quickly as he’s still too tied up with other missions to train Naruto. Has his absence been felt throughout a lot of these arcs or had you forgotten about him until this episode?

Paul: Jiraiya is the worst recurring character with the worst throwaway episodes, and I wouldn't notice the difference if they replaced him with a wet sack of compost wearing a kabuki wig. I'm still waiting for Jiraiya to demonstrate sufficient redeeming qualities to make up for him being a huge creep. At this point, I'm not holding my breath.

Danni: I like Jiraiya whenever he gets serious about something, but he’s the absolute worst whenever there’s any downtime. Considering most filler is downtime, I can’t say I miss him. It’s more that I miss having plot worth him getting serious about.

Joseph: I liked Jiraiya in the manga and I think he gets better, but as it is now he just makes for even worse filler episodes than usual. I’ll also never not be grossed out every time he’s turned on by Naruto’s Sexy Jutsu.

Carolyn: Yeah, I didn’t really notice he was gone and I don’t really care for him being back. He basically just stole from Naruto and disappeared last time around.

David: No, I didn’t think about him until he showed up again. In the series proper the adults tend to show up for important things, so it made sense for him to not be around for all this filler, and I don’t think he needed to show up in this capacity either.

Kara: For me, Jiraiya’s like the “little girl with the curl” in the old nursery rhyme. When he’s good, he’s very very good; when he’s bad, he’s an irredeemable pervert. That's how the rhyme went, right? It’s a shame, because I really like the older generation in this show for the most part and I really want to like him without having to hand-wave a bunch of gross stuff.

Noelle: I think Jiraya is best when he’s actually doing something, and we can see some of his power. When he’s not in the spotlight, he’s just hanging around, and isn’t too missed.

Kevin: As someone who really likes Jiraiya and is eagerly awaiting the start of Shippuden… the vast majority of the time I completely forget that that’s why Naruto’s still in the village and not out training. Generally once or twice a week, I’ll remember Jiraiya is supposedly off on various missions, then go back to wondering why no one remembers that they can walk on water, so they don’t need to use boats.

We dive into a lengthy arc after that with a trip to the Hidden Star Village. A fallen meteorite grants great power to those who train beside it, but that has dire consequences as we learn later on. What are your initial thoughts on this story in comparison to the other filler stories we’ve had thus far?

Paul: The Hidden Star Village arc has been pretty solid as filler arcs go, not only because of the central dilemma (the meteorite boosts Chakra, but slowly kills the people who train with it), but also because of the internal political conflicts within the Hidden Star Village and the ethical quandary faced by Naruto, Neji, and company. They're required to complete their mission, even though their employer is a complete heel, and that’s not a type of pressure that they've faced before.

Danni: It’s not a bad arc, but I haven’t found it near as interesting as some of the better filler arcs we’ve been through. The most interesting aspect has been them having to come to terms with the fact that they’re essentially mercenaries who have been hired by the bad guy. They still have to complete the mission for him. Though I feel like once he literally tried to murder Naruto, the Leaf shinobi should’ve taken that as a severance of contract if not a full blown declaration of war.

Joseph: I like some aspects of this arc, but overall it just reinforces the feeling that Naruto used to be a highlight of my week but has since turned into a mostly mediocre Saturday morning cartoon. It’s like I’m stuck in a time loop and each trip through is only slightly different.

Carolyn: I mean, it does seem somewhat meatier than past filler arcs, like the Ramen-making. And it actually does have a bit more of a story than the weird Scooby-Doo arc (as much as I liked that one) but in the end it is just filler and doesn’t quite capture the same interest as the earlier Naruto-focused episodes.

David: It feels weird because if it weren’t filler, the meteorite probably would have been really important lore information, but here it just seems like nonsense. Maybe there will be a twist, but generally I prefer filler that doesn’t try to seem more important than it is.

Kara: This would be throwaway for me except it goes straight for my morbid fascination with this ninja culture of absolutely destroying yourself to be Best Ninja Possible. Most of all I think it’s interesting to see a place where people draw the line. Hacking your Hayflick Limit or ripping out your own spine is fine, but we draw the line at running yourself ragged with meteor chakra.

Noelle: I definitely agree with everyone else; it has a lot of potential, but in the end, it’s filler and won’t be brought up again. What is chakra and is chakra universal or just set to the ninja world is something that I’d really like to find out more of, but alas…

Kevin: Honestly, I’m actually more invested in this arc than the vast majority of the rest of the filler. Sure, I know that the star will break or something, rendering it impossible to use later (it wouldn’t be filler, otherwise!), but for me this arc is working pretty well as a self-contained narrative about a group of people using whatever means necessary to survive and become the next respected hidden village.

Naruto meets an individual with similar aspirations as him in Sumaru. They both are stubborn and want to become the leader of their respective villages. How did you feel about Sumaru’s arc with regards to him and what eventually happens with the reunion with his mother?

Paul: I need to reserve judgment on this until I see how the arc concludes. A traditional ending would have Sumaru triumph over Akahoshi, implying that Sumaru will grow up to be a great leader for Hidden Star Village one day. I'm not sure that they're going in that direction. I wasn't expecting them to kill off Natsuhi...assuming she's actually dead, that is. If that detail sticks, the conclusion could be surprisingly dark.

Danni: Same as Paul said I can’t really speak to his arc given that it hasn’t finished yet. I would also like to see him and the rest of the children defeat Akahoshi of their own volition.

Joseph: I gotta echo Paul and Danni here. Sumaru is fine, but I’m not holding out hope for his eventual rule of this rinky dink village. I like the concept behind his people in general, but I got a little beat down by an arc that could have been two or three episodes tops.

Carolyn: It’s a little odd that he didn’t realize she was his mother without basically being told that. That sort of removes some of the emotion from that story.

David: “Look at this character Naruto just met, they’re a lot like Naruto!” happens in literally all of these longer filler arcs, and it rings more hollow each time.

Kara: I like the parallels when Naruto can bring his experiences to these new and different people. He’s had to work through a lot and is finding success against the odds (or at least the assumed odds), and I think when it’s played right, it’s a good reminder that he actually does have the chops to be Hokage because he remembers the human element. I didn’t see as much of that this time, so past the “Ohoho, wanna be the Ho(shi)kage” it didn’t do much for me this time.

Noelle: Parallels are interesting, but they really need some meat to actually work. I think Sumaru has potential, but I’ll need to see his arc in full to allow for a proper judgment.

Kevin: While I praise the arc in general, Sumaru is the part where I just tune things out and go back to looking at my phone. He’s not bad, per se, but everyone’s seen the “character brainwashed by the obvious bad guy who’s actually a good person, just on the wrong side of things” before, and outside of that trope, Sumaru’s basically another character that’s like Naruto, which we’ve seen at least a half dozen times at this point. His reunion with his mother is probably the most interesting part of his arc, because there’s some lingering resentment that they need to work through, instead of just immediately being on the same side because they’re family.

Near the end of this week’s run of episodes, we see a split with regards to how to proceed with the mission. Naruto wants to bring Akahoshi to justice for what he’s done while Neji believes they should leave that matter to the Star Village. Given what we’ve seen in other filler arcs over the last couple of weeks and with what happens at the end of our final episode, should they have been more gung ho with confronting Akahoshi or was Neji in the right to hold Naruto and Lee back?

Paul: This was the most interesting conflict in the arc. The Leaf Village shinobi have been charged with a single task: retrieving the stolen star. Everything else outside of the purview of their mission, and their conduct – no matter how righteous – could reflect poorly on their village and damage its social standing. Since peace among the ninja villages is so fragile, a loss of reputation could have dire consequences. Naruto and company are caught between a rock and a hard place, and I love it.

Danni: Honestly, they’re both right. Naruto is correct in that the just thing to do would be to stop Akahoshi, and Neji is right in recognizing that shinobi are hired guns and not vigilantes. It’s an interesting conflict that Naruto has always danced around from the start, and I have full confidence that Naruto’s view will ultimately win out and this conflict will never become a factor ever again.

Joseph: This is definitely an interesting dilemma, and I’d like to see more of it in these missions. I agree that both sides are right, but it’s going to come down to what’s more important to Naruto. I suspect he’ll land on the side of confrontation, reputation be damned.

Carolyn: I’m a Gemini so I see both sides and will agonize over this answer for 30 years. Neji is definitely right in a way, it’s not exactly their place. But Naruto isn’t wrong, either. Morals are morals.

David: Neji is completely right, but this isn’t the kind of story that will give the pragmatic character his due.

Kara: I think that first begs the question of what is valued higher: justice overall, or faithfulness to your village and assignment. Considering previous episodes, it seems their lives will be most affected by their adherence to the latter. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but there it is.

Noelle: It’s tricky, because they both bring up good points. While there’s no doubt that Akahoshi deserves to face some justice, the Leaf Village is not the world police; they don’t have full jurisdiction over what happens outside their territory. In the end, the Star Village ultimately has the right to the final say. It’s a tough call.

Kevin: In terms of actual mission rules and how professionals would handle the situation, Neji is almost certainly correct. Their employer was releasing them and saying that their mission was concluded, so the Leaf team should have headed back home right then. But this is Naruto, so screw the rules, we have a Nindo, a ninja way, to uphold.

Open up your flip phone and give me your highs and lows from this week’s episodes.

Paul: My high point is all of the intrigue surrounding Hidden Star Village, which was grounded in concepts such as duty, ambition, and obligation. My low point was the conclusion to the face-stealing shinobi mini-arc, which began as a serious threat but concluded as an episode of Looney Tunes. The set-up didn't match the pay-off, although I like the idea of a perfect impersonation Jutsu being used for something as mundane as dining-and-dashing.

Danni: My high point was watching the treasure hunting arc go from serious threat to goofy chase hijinks from last week to this week. I found it pretty humorous in the end. My low point was, of course, Sexy Jutsu. I’m so, so tired of it.

Joseph: My low point was pretty much everything with Jiraiya in what was yet another pointless episode that landed back at square one. Second low honors go to a totally wasted Rock Lee. My high point was the brief intrigue at the beginning of the Star Village arc, which quickly dissipated as more was revealed.

Carolyn: Neji’s growth and that entire conflict was definitely an interesting high point for me. Also, “Creeeeping.” Because Rock Lee is a very good boy. Low point is always sexy jutsu and just the weird amazement the characters always display when they realize a super-strong awesome ninja is a woman. They’ve been punched in the face by super strong women the whole series.

David: My high point and low point are both when Naruto used Rasengan to propel his boat he was on forward to catch up to the postman’s boat. High because it is such an amusing use of what is supposed to be an extremely powerful, Chakra-intensive attack, but also low because of that wastefulness. Did the writers forget these guys can literally walk on water?

Kara: My high point was Naruto’s garbage smutfic bringing peace to the land. My low point was the rest of that episode.

Noelle: The Star Village intrigue was definitely something I enjoyed, with both the concepts it introduced and the morality conundrum it pushed towards. I like it when things aren’t clean cut. Low point: Sexy Jutsu… haven’t we gotten tired of this by now?

Kevin:

High - The concept of the Hidden Star arc. I really like the idea of a group of people trying to become the next Hidden Village, but even more than that, I like that the previous village Kage banned star training because of how dangerous it is but the current villain brought it back because if even a handful of people master it, then their position as a powerful village is secured. It’s a bit more of a nuanced narrative than we’ve seen in previous arcs.

Low - The conclusion of the one-shot with Jiraiya and the Ninja Postmen. I get that it’s a gag, but a Nation’s Lord reading whatever genre “Make-Out Paradise” is in and deciding to not go to war as a result is not a satisfying ending. It would’ve made more sense if one of the following happened. Either a) he didn’t particularly like it, was disappointed and then Jiraiya and Naruto showed up to explain what had happened, giving him the secret documents and a promise to send the manuscript when Jiraiya finished it; or b) the Ninja Postmen accepted that there had been a mixup and swapped the documents back.

COUNTERS:

This Week:

Ramen: 3 cups

Hokage: 3

Clones: 28 + 2 variable scenes + 2 uncountable scenes

Total So Far:

Ramen: 171 bowls, 12 cups

Hokage: 58

Clones: 711

And that’s it for this week! Remember that you’re always welcome to watch along with the Rewatch, especially if you’ve never seen the original Naruto! Watch Naruto today!

Here’s our upcoming schedule:

-Next week, JOSEPH LUSTER is back to continue the Star Guard mission!

-On July 26th, KARA DENNISON returns to guide us through the end of the Peddlers Escort Mission!

-Finally on August 2nd, NOELLE OGAWA shows us the formation of the Konoha 11!

CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH!

Episodes 169-175: Anko’s Backstory At Sea

Episodes 162-168: The Tale of the Phantom Samurai

Episodes 155-161: Quickfire Curry

Episodes 148-154: The Forest is Abuzz With Ninjas

Episodes 141-147: Mizuki Strikes Back!

Episodes 134-140: The Climactic Clash

Episodes 127-133: Naruto vs Sasuke

Episodes 120-126: The Sand Siblings Return

Episodes 113-119: Operation Rescue Sasuke

Episodes 106-112: Sasuke Goes Rogue

Episodes 99-105: Trouble in the Land of Tea

Episodes 92-98: Clash of the Sannin

Episodes 85-91: A Life-Changing Decision

Episodes 78-84: The Fall of a Legend

Episodes 71-77: Sands of Sorrow

Episodes 64-70: Crashing the Chunin Exam

Episodes 57-63: Family Feud

Episodes 50-56: Rock Lee Rally

Episodes 43-49: The Gate

Episodes 36-42: Through the Woods

Episodes 29-35: Sakura Unleashed

Episodes 22-28: Chunin Exams Kickoff

Episodes 15-21: Leaving the Land of Waves

Episodes 8-14: Beginners' Battle

Episodes 1-7: I'm Gonna Be the Hokage!

Thank you for joining us for the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH! Have a great weekend, and we'll see you all next time!

Have anything to say about our thoughts on Episodes 176-182? Let us know in the comments! Don't forget, we're also accepting questions and comments for next week, so don't be shy and feel free to ask away!

---

Jared Clemons is a writer and podcaster for Seasonal Anime Checkup where he can be found always wanting to talk about Love Live! Sunshine!! or whatever else he's into at the moment. He can be found on Twitter @ragbag.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

0 notes