#i *tried* making an ID just bc I thinks it’s worthwhile when one of my posts takes off

[burntblueberrywaffles]

[I.D. an edited version of the "is this a pigeon" meme. A man with glasses, captioned "my overstimulated ass" points at a butterfly, captioned "someone making an annoying noise". At the bottom of the image, a dialogue caption reads "is this a crime deserving the death sentence?" end I.D.]

[cosmicdream222]

sorry to be morbid again but do you think we can manifest passing away early? im honestly past the point of wanting to exist and just want to get over this thing that im supposed to be a successful person but im not so idrc if i do or dont live

so many ppl on tarot related blogs ask about their fs but if we dont meet them does it matter and would they just move on with their life? like i think u have to have ur life put together but its genuinely so hard to do these days so i hope my fs wont be sad at all when i die cause i wouldnt be able to make tnem truly happy anyway cause im not happy myself with how things have been

ideally i wouldve done something in a sport or music but that ship sailed long ago and now im so stuck but id hate to be reliant on someone else and i shouldve moved out into my own place but housing is ridiculously expensive where im from and taxes dont help anyone. it takes years and years to pick up a talent so i have wasted those years and ik im just going to struggle to get past 50 if i were to have my own place bc minimum wage jobs suck arse and i dont want to be doinng something lame not that its lame for others to do it, its just not what i wanted to have done at all

you cant even get a degree without needing to fork out hundreds and thousands so yeah none of its easy and sure you can try subliminals but lets face it the systemn we are in is fucked up big time so rn i cant even bother with daydream about how it could have been or the what ifs i had done smth differently or if i had any talent but then theres still the, im too old and too foreign to do any sort of music as most successful groups nowadays are korean and even if i tried to do what they did it would probs end up killing me some way or other

its just either about having to be wealthy or having some type of talent both of which id fail at anyway as i shouldve done it years ago like a normal person who goes from being so so at something to being great at something.

i truly think i was born in wrong generation or i just shouldnt have been born at all then i wouldnt have to fret constantly abt these types of things. i think if the government genuinely sorted shit out for once and helped society ppl would be happier to work for less but im not happy at all with the current state of things. i feel guilty for existing and i hate it sm like god just let me end my life pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee there is nothing worthwhile in store, ik we could try shifting subliminals but have those genuinely worked? like u exit this reality and straight into the one you wanted originally? but then i might as well just pass away cause id have to know what i want in another reality

My dude, take a deep breath. You’ve ranted about all this same exact stuff a bunch of times now and I’m just gonna repeat the same thing I said to you last time:

All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter.

I’ll add to that: Whatever some tarot reader or TikTok psychic says definitely does not matter. Idk what fs means but I’m guessing something like a twin flame and that is especially 1000% bullshit.

The spiritual community has created an incredible amount of false narratives to make excuses and blame outside forces for why things aren’t going their way. None of it is real. Seriously forget everything you learned about fate, karma, astrology, or anything else that’s saying something else is in control. Reality is an illusion. YOU are in control.

You don’t have to identify with any old bullshit anymore. Stop repeating the old story and think about what you do want. You can have literally ANYTHING! You say you don’t know what you want, ok, but you know what you don’t want, right?

I don’t want to work -> I want to live in a reality where I don’t have to work.

There, you just figured out something you want! It’s that simple.

I totally agree that this society is a horrific shitshow and I don’t want to be aware of it anymore either. But it’s just one version of reality available. It’s not the only reality and it’s not the original reality. You don’t have to be aware of it anymore if you don’t want to be.

You also don’t have to involve death at all. There’s a lot of misconception in the shifting world which has lead to concepts like “permashifting” and “respawning”, but those just all assume this current reality is the original one. It’s not.

Have you watched The Matrix? It’s really more like a documentary than science fiction lol. Just like in the movie, we are being tricked by a simulated virtual reality, controlled by a society that’s using us for our energy. Just think of reality as an escape room. We’re escaping the Matrix. Once you figure out how to leave, you don’t ever have to go back. There are infinite realities available to you, and none are more real or right or original than any others. Remember, death is not an ultimate, nor does it exist in all realities.

I am scripting a utopian reality with my best friend where there is no death, aging, or illness. Everyone is a master manifestor so they always get whatever they want. Nobody has to work and there isn’t even a need for money because we can manifest anything instantly. We can just relax and get massages all day. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and abundance. Animals are treated as equals to humans, we can all communicate with each other, and we can all fly and teleport. Because why the f not? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

And if you really don’t want to exist (I’m guessing that other ask from a couple weeks ago is you too lol) you don’t have to exist in this reality, or any other. Removing your awareness from all physical reality is known as entering the void. You exist there as pure consciousness, and you can stay there as long as you like. It is you as your highest self. There’s nothing negative about it.

As for the whole subliminal thing, shifting subliminals are just one method. Shifting = manifesting = deciding what you want and experiencing it. It’s something we are always doing and is available to all of us. You don’t need any methods to shift besides intention. We just use methods to convince/calm the annoying human brain that is programmed with society’s limits.

[narwhalandchill]

anyway. actually somewhat invested in hsr endgame again thanks to feixiao Personally for being so strong And fun so. convoluted gamer ramble time uwu

bc i in fact went and Actually cleared the current apocalyptic shadow with her after procrastinating on the 4th stage bc shit just didnt look worth the wonky strategizing and several retries itd likely take me for a clear at all with all the multi target bullshit happening w both kafkas summon thing and the other one (forgor the name rip) when i had none of the recent weakness ignoring/implanting 5* carries that could shrug it off no problem. so i had just done the 3rd difficulty when the mode refreshed and p much left it there to wait for 2.5

BUT shes here so!!! wahoo. apocalyptic shadow hater era temporarily retired lets see what my girl can do 😤😤

first tries were before today so obviously no robin yet but i got a very good very nice very easy feixiao moment first side clear anyway looking like this

like. very much a nice scrumptious comfy clear we love to see it and a score perfectly capable of carrying a weaker 2nd half clear as long as i got that clear

......buuut as you can see. from the score. on the 2nd scuffed team that id like to call the certified "omg so sorry for not pulling firefly" cope gang. Yeah about that. Clear. i needed. just a successful clear so feixiao side could carry me to the 3* . Wasnt happening actually 💀

bc like. i wasnt even killing the boss before it merked someone (usually himeko or gallagher) and by that point it just fell thru 😭😭 always got thru its 1st phase fine enough but the 2nd just wasnt working out despite several retries where it just played out the exact same every time . so i let it be for a few days kinda thinking i just wouldnt bother w the third star bc at least i got most of the jades there

buuuut. Robin today so i wanted to go try the same 1st half clear with her too (it was a massacre. feixiao can literally get a total of 4 ults during robins ult if u break kafka before the uptime ends bc broken boss = free max flying aureus stacks 💀💀💀 when she can store 12 total) so i was kinda like. fuck it lets TRY to clear that 2nd side too at least try to stay alive and see what i can do bc. the team still felt like i had the right idea going and super break is supposed to be the hsr hyperbloom for content like this anyway . Surely i can figure it out

like firstly i finally put my gallagher on the 2p fire break planars over just usual keel id been using since it was becoming clear that the team as a whole just needed more super break dmg. and same for himeko (i actually had forgor her on sigonia for PF so that was embarrassing) with a break rope + fire orb with crit and speed

.....buuut it still wasnt working out :/// oh well

and like im p much assuming its literally just a gear issue of not actually having enough of a break hybrid build going on for himeko for the clear to work out smoothly at this point (bc himeko break 100% should suffice for this stage. i think mines too slow mostly) so i. went back to the drawing board aka stealing ideas from the one (1) even slightly worthwhile user-generated content category on hoyolab aka lineup assistant and a particular team just. Jumped out at me from there as having potential and well. only had to kick out himeko for none other than the recently e6'd dashing xianzhou swordplay apprentice from the express who beloved by all and i.

Holy shit

im so sorry for my feeble ignorance miss march i wasnt aware of your insane break meta game 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏💕💕💕

Like. on some level yes i Knew her kit had a more break oriented side to it . And that she did some crazy weakness dmg with her fully stacked enhanced basic. but holy fucking shit her and making gallagher shifu just. Slay

like the team lineup on hoyolab i stole for this idea had an E6 gallagher. and a fully farmed 4p iron cavalry for march w insane total BE AND crit. like just v strong investment going on. Whereas i literally just slapped the break rope and fire (yes) orb id attempted on himeko on march and STILL watched her and my feeble e2 gallagher w just 2p 2p BE absolutely obliterate the 2nd half on first try like 😭😭😭😭 thank you march best girl with the cutest design truly the savior of ALL firefly skippers......

[pumpkinpaix]

hi again! previous anon here, just remembered a question. there's something that's been nagging at me about the show's lan parents storyline — LXC tells WWX that story about his parents and it seems like it's meant as a parallel for LWJ and WWX. But the Lan parents thing sounded like a super toxic/unhealthy relationship? like their mom was literally being kept against her will... maybe i'm just missing the nuance for the parallel? would love to hear your thoughts on this!

(ask con’t, sorry it’s long) i’ve just gotten out of a bad relationship not too long ago and gets really leery of cdramas portraying control as love (ie one love interest preventing the other from leaving, or clear power imbalances as with period dramas). i really don’t think that’s what’s happening here but got kind of uncomfortable too at the “i want to bring someone back to gusu/hide them away” line LWJ had earlier. might you have an alternate interpretation? i’m almost sure i’m misreading!

So a couple things first: thank you so much for asking me this question because my thoughts about the untamed/mdzs have been so much and turbulent that having a specific thing to focus on is really helpful, AND it’s also really flattering that you think I??? would have worthwhile thoughts???? about this really complicated thing.

Second: I want to make sure to say that no matter how strongly I feel about my interpretation, no matter how long I spend composing this response, you are not obligated to change how you feel. If that line still bothers you, it still bothers you. Our experiences are different! And it’s okay! That being said, haha, buckle up I guess, because WOW do I have a lot of things to say.

Spoilers up through episode 43, obviously, with allusions to the novel. I will try to keep any details about things that happen post-43 vague.

Let’s begin with this moment:

“Was he right to do this?” || “I don’t know.”

[id: image 1 is a screenshot of lan xichen asking “was he right to do this” and image 2 is a screenshot of wei wuxian responding “i don’t know” from episode 43 of the untamed /end id]

I think we need to think about how to answer this question before we can answer your question: how can we interpret the relationship between lan wangji and lan xichen’s parents? Was it moral? Was it okay? Was it right? This is clearly a question that lan xichen has been wrestling with his whole life. And from this scene, I think that he’s made his peace with the fact that it’s always going to be a question for him, not because the inherent morality is unclear, but because of the emotional subjectivity he’s always going to hold for it. He doesn’t expect wei wuxian to have an answer because he doesn’t have an answer himself.

Something that I remember from the novel that doesn’t make it into this scene, though, is what wei wuxian says after lan xichen asks, “can you understand why my father acted this way?” and he nods, is the explanation he gives: he hated the person who had murdered his mentor, but he also loved her so much he couldn’t bear to see her destroyed. Unable to live with himself, he married her, swore to protect her, and then imprisoned her for the rest of her life. Tormented by his contradictions, he then locked himself away as well. lan xichen agrees.

lan wangji and lan xichen were raised without their parents—largely, they were raised by their upright uncle, who, due to his brother’s behavior, took up the responsibilities of sect leader and parent at the same time. (It’s really no wonder that lan qiren has such a vicious dislike for wei wuxian: he loves lan wangji so much, and he’s so afraid to watch the child he raised repeat history. Beyond that, I think it’s pretty safe to say that lan qiren probably harbors not insignificant resentment towards his brother for the harm he did to both his children and to lan qiren himself.) Lan qiren is not married and as far as we know, never has any romantic entanglements after he begins raising the lan brothers. So where does that leave lan wangji and lan xichen in terms of models for romance? All they have is the fraught relationship between their parents. 

lan wangji is not good with words. He expresses himself primarily through action, which we see time and time again. When lan wangji says to lan xichen, “there’s someone I want to take back to the cloud recesses. take them back and hide them away,” I think he’s trying to explain (with words) his feelings for wei wuxian in the only way he knows how: by making a reference to the only romantic relationship to which he and lan xichen were firsthand witnesses. lan xichen canonically understands wangji better than pretty much everyone: he sees straight through him at Biling lake when he invites wei wuxian and jiang cheng along to hunt the water spirits because he knows lan wangji wants wei wuxian to come. He asks if he wants loquats even when wangji refuses them. So when lan wangji says that, lan xichen first repeats the statement carefully to make sure he understands what’s at stake, and then he says something very crucial: “you only fear that he isn’t willing”.

I think this says a lot— specifically, that both lan xichen and lan wangji understand firsthand the pain their father caused and what exactly was wrong about it. I think what lan wangji is saying between the lines is, “I’m in love with someone. I want to take them home with me. I want to hide them away from the world to protect them. I fear this makes me like our father, whose love led him to do such terrible things to our mother, and by extension, to us and our uncle. I can’t repeat his mistakes.” And lan xichen, understanding all of that, gets to the heart of lan wangji’s inner conflict: wei wuxian is not willing, and lan wangji refuses to follow in his father’s footsteps, no matter how tormented he feels about the person he loves, no matter how much he wants to.

Every time lan wangji tries and fails to get wei wuxian to return with him to gusu, it’s with the intention of trying to help him, trying to protect him from the other sects, trying to pull him back before he does something unforgivable, much like his father’s motivations for bringing his mother back to gusu (“he swore that this was his beloved wife and that anyone who wished to hurt her [for her crimes] would have to go through him”), but unlike his father, lan wangji never forces wei wuxian to do anything. He never keeps him locked up, never forcibly kidnaps him. Not only that, but lan wangji is also willing to fight wei wuxian when he believes that wei wuxian is doing something inadmissible: heis the only one to stand against his initial forays into demonic cultivation, and physically confronts him on the roof at the nightless city. Would he have actually followed through on killing him, had things gone differently? Maybe, maybe not, but at the very least, it shows that he, unlike his father, was willing to try to destroy the person he loved when he crossed the line.

Anon, you’re right that there’s a parallel between the lan parents and wangxian, but I think the key is how they parallel each other. Lan wangji doesn’t repeat his father’s mistakes. When he finally does bring wei wuxian back to gusu and hide him away to protect him, wei wuxian is not there against his will, and, I think also importantly, lan wangji is with him. It’s no accident that lan wangji’s residence is the jingshi, the place his mother was imprisoned for his whole life, and it’s no accident that he brings wei wuxian there. But lan wangji doesn’t lock him there and abandon him like his father did with his mother: he’s there with him the whole time. Lan wangji, when all is said and done, is finally ready to stand by wei wuxian in spite of everything he did, unlike his father, who couldn’t do so with his wife: couldn’t destroy her, couldn’t stand with her. lan wangji makes his choice. “I regretted that I couldn’t stand with you at the nightless city.” The parallel is one that emphasizes contrast in spite of similarity.

All this ties vaguely into bigger themes present within the story, particularly the tensions between freedom/restriction and parents/children. These are like, two whole other essays haha, so I won’t get too deep into the weeds (unless you or anyone else wants to ask me!!! bc, anon, believe me, I would BE WILLING!!!) but:

1. lan wangji and wei wuxian are fundamentally very similar people, even if their personalities are not. They have incredibly strong moral compasses and want nothing more than to be righteous and to live with clear consciences about their choices. The difference is in how they go about that. wei wuxian chafes under rules, breaks them when he finds them unjust or unimportant, and thinks that he doesn’t deserve to be punished. When lan wangji finds that his moral compass conflicts with the rules he chooses to live by, he prioritizes his own sense of justice, much like wei wuxian, but he also accepts the punishments that are given to him without complaint. wei wuxian cherishes freedom over all while lan wangji lives under strict regulation, but the point is that they both take it too far. wei wuxian is righteous to the point of arrogance, flaunts his peers’ judgments and warnings to his eventual downfall. lan wangji, after doing what he thinks is right, allows himself to be punished without protest so severely he’s bedridden and imprisoned for three years. I would say neither of these approaches is… ideal, and I think that’s part of why wangxian feels so profound. They temper each other’s worst weaknesses. (rereading this, i’m not sure i’m 100% behind everything I just said lol, but again, an essay for another time)

2. Like lan wangji is paralleled with his father, wei wuxian is paralleled with his mother, zangse-sanren: free-spirited, mischievous, and ultimately meeting a tragic end for the choices she made out of that desire for freedom. He too is able to eventually escape his mother’s fate, just as lan wangji escapes his father’s. The parallels between parent and child are strong for almost all the mains, though not all of them manage to free themselves and achieve some measure of happiness, and this in itself relates to the even bigger questions of what matters more: your heritage, or your actions? Your heritage, or your upbringing? What can you do to avoid making the same mistakes as your predecessors?

I’ve already talked about this wrt wei wuxian and lan wangji, but the same goes for characters like jiang cheng, jin zixuan, wen qing, wen ning, mianmian, jin guangyao, su she, nie huaisang, jin ling, lan sizhui, ouyang zizhen, xiao xingchen, song lan, xue yang etc. like the list is endless. Part of why mdzs/the untamed is so heartwrenching is watching history repeat itself while the protagonists, who are also acutely aware, are nearly powerless to stop it. The juniors end up being the breaking from all that: willing to defy their parents, make their own decisions about right and wrong, recognize that a person’s actions should speak louder than the rumors that run on their account.

tl;dr: the lan parents’ relationship is toxic and hurtful to everyone around them. wangxian absolutely parallels it, but in a way that highlights how they differ from their predecessors, tying into larger thematic issues of the story.

eek that was almost 2k words yikes!! I hope my enthusiastic rambling helped you see that “take them back, hide them away” line in a different light haha, but I want to say again: you’re not obligated to take my interpretation as fact, and you also don’t have to think everything about wangxian is perfect to still like it. We all consume and like imperfect stories! I totally get your feelings on weird power dynamics/inequalities in relationships because… it’s abusive? it’s terrible? It hurts to see?? esp given what you said about your own experience, like yeah, for sure!!! but for me? when lan wangji says, “I want to take someone back to the cloud recesses—take them back, hide them away”, it reads as a really powerful, self-aware expression of what it means for someone like him to fall in love.

EDIT 16 APR 2020: I find myself only agreeing with ~85% of this after many months of reflection. /o\ *hides face* leaving it as-is because it’s what I wrote at the time, but! you know. I have changed some of my views.

[myloneandotis]

Week 9: I’m not an idiot!

The weeks are stretching longer and longer, and sometimes it’s hard to say whether or not I know I’m doing a good job. I’m passing, that’s what counts. Theory is going to be the death of me, and it is also my favorite class. I am so so glad that I am not the only person who has troubles with theory. T-One week until my aunt comes! T-TWO WEEKS UNTIL MY FAMILY COMES AND I GO HOME! Here’s the week 9 recap!

GREAT BOOKS: I — luckily — got an extension on my Philosophy Paper, because there was no way in hell I was going to be able to finish that after the week that I’ve had. I decided that I love Aristotle, but hate writing about Aristotle… and really in general: I love talking about Philosophy, but I HATE WRITING ABOUT it. Not because it isn’t fascinating, but because it takes a ridiculous amount of effort. Phew, I still need to finish that paper. God bless Dr Clegg, she’s the bomb.com

PSYCHOLOGY: We watched two horribly depressing videos in psychology this week. One about Wild Children - the forbidden experiment - and another about learned behavior, which somehow connects to militarism. I cried on both occasions… Folkerts is just the kindest man in the world, he seems to just want to connect with his children, which is absolutely adorable to me. You can tell he really loves them because we hear at least one story about each of his children every class. I relate to him in the sense that I talk about my family and Jack a LOT, like work them into conversations when it would be easier to just not work them in. Also, I really appreciate the way that Professor Folkerts is rooted in his faith. You can tell that he is both a man of science and a man of god and that is perfectly alright. He’s a good cat.

THEORY: Theory is freaking hard, but god bless Dr Peeples. Today (the monday after week 9) I needed sleep, so I skipped theory and I kind of feel bad… But really I just missed seeing Dr Peeples. He’s such a great guy! Hopefully my grade in theory gets better.

CHOIR: WE HAD OUR FIRST REAL CHOIR CONCERT THIS WEEK. It went okay… not to ruin our image or anything, but from Factus Est Repente and on, we were really very flat. I think I sounded okay, I know I tried to tune out the group and just keep on trucking in Stars, to make sure that I stayed right on that. (WE HAD A RIDICULOUSLY LONG DRESS REHEARSAL IN WEISMANN ON WEDNESDAY AFTER MUSIC @ THREE AND IT WAS A BLAST! I LOVE CHOIR!!!) After the concert, we all went up to Dr Board’s and Professor Nic’s house and they gave us cider and gluten-free pumpkin cupcakes and I just really truly adore the Boards. They’re such good people. I gave Rebecca, Angelo, Jolie, Andy, and Liam a ride back down afterwards  — Angelo had to stay until late bc little JD wouldn’t go to sleep without him. Then Andy and I lost our IDs so we had to go searching for them at midnight and found mine under the driver’s seat and miraculously found Andy’s in the middle of the street leading up to Faculty housing. What a wonderful night!

MUSIC @ 3: I performed at studio and Music at Three for the first time since the first week of school. I did an okay job, I’m my own worst critic and I know that I could do better so I’m a little bit disappointed by myself. CARMEN DID SUPER WELL! She’s growing a lot as a mezzo and I’m really very extremely proud of her.

PRIVATE VOICE LESSONS/DR E: I think the sound that I want to make and the sounds I’m making are finally starting to click. I’m immensely grateful for Dr E’s patience with me, and I hope she feels like it is worthwhile. I absolutely adore her and respect her so so so much.

FRIEND MENTIONS: I hung out a lot with Carmen and Andy and Jolie and my normal music people! I also hung out with Kaui, who has had some hard times with a boy recently. I saw Monika twice this past week and she always brightens my day! Tatum is driving me a little bit crazy with her messy-ness and her talking to Garret, but I blame my hormones for that more than I blame Tatum, truly. I love my friends and I’m so lucky to have them.

BIG FISH: We had our first costume rehearsal and it made me feel like crap, rehearsals have been really intensely long, but they’re going. Now, I’m just ready to literally put this show out there for people to watch it. I hope it’ll be good. I’m a bit terrified about my costume changes, but that’s alright… Also my costume/makeup person has no clue what she’s doing so we’re gonna learn together! WHOo!

FAMILY: I have a literal countdown going until they come. I cannot wait to go home. We scheduled Marlo’s surgery and I’m nervous about that, but I won’t tell anyone about  that. I miss my family and I love my family.

OVERALL EMOTIONAL WELL BEING: I AM FRIGGIN STRESSED, BUT THAT’S okay.

Also also, I watched Hocus Pocus and Played Clue and watched Baby Driver and overall this was a very good week. I cleaned a lot and it was cloudy for the first time ever in Malibu. Great Week!