#huxiantalks

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I know what you are...

ATTACHED

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WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THAT P3 AND P4 JUST DROPPED ON THE SWITCH WTF

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GUESS WHO FUCKING GOT THE JOB EVEN THOUGH THEY FORGOT HOW TO SPELL 'ACCOMMODATE' AND 'OCCURRING'-- ME, CLOWN CENTRAL

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Be me, unsuspecting: :)

My dad, the most stereotypical emotionally-constipated and unapologetic Asian man, after watching EEAAO: I'm sorry.

Me, suddenly afflicted with all stages of grief simultaneously:

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went to go see Everything Everywhere All At Once tonight, and was absolutely blown away. I wasn't sure what to expect, but the trailer itself piqued my interest bc multiverse concept with googly eyes AND Michelle Yeoh? Alright, I'll bite. And proceeded to get bodied every way possible.

The visuals alone were insane and stunning and so smart-- but the plot did so well in setting up this seemingly simple and relatable premise of a struggling Asian- American woman going through it and making something MORE out of it.

Like the themes of intergenerational values and trauma were so prevalent throughout this movie through all the goofiness-- whether it's through Evelyn and Joy's struggles in understanding one another, Evelyn's and her father's own lost past, and to how it's linked between the literal generational divide for Joy where nihilism is a key factor to self-destruction in the form of an Everything Bagel.

The bagel is a bagel with everything on it!! It's overloaded with everything where in the end, it seems pointless!! It's a metaphor about the current gen/present day experiencing everything all at once in its extreme monstrosities-- where it feels like life is meaningless in this chaos and agony. And through Joy's eyes, it's so painful that the doomsday bagel isn't the doomsday device for the multiverse, but for herself.

Joy wasn't searching for all the Evelyns to kill her-- she just wanted one Evelyn, any Evelyn, to understand her in this pain. That maybe everything is pointless and it should be okay to give up, because again, what's the point? And we see Evelyn almost accept this ideology as truth-- until her own flawed and too sweet husband, Waymond, steps up to refute that.

He calls for kindness. Begs her to see love. Acknowledges that she's a fighter and thinks him too soft, but stands his ground in that his love is his way of fighting, too, and he'll keep at it, even when love will cost him the most.

I cried at this scene. And then cried some more the rest of the movie when Evelyn wakes up and starts to fight with love.

All the seemingly irredeemable characters that were introduced as unlovable, she refutes that strongly by saying "there is always something to love." And through that love we see change occur.

There's still chaos, still meaningless pain and struggle in it all-- but the movie confronts that meaninglessness to state that we can try for kindness, try for love and fight with it, because for our limited time here, alive together, that short time will still be cherished. That maybe there really is no point to anything, but we can choose to find our own meaning, choose to be kind and to love and to accept and to grow.

For a movie that had at least two dildo fight scenes, its themes were truly about how love is the answer.

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26 now and I finally realize why kakashi is like that

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thinking thinking thinking about how the intergenerational trauma in Everything Everywhere All at Once is also reflected in the martial arts fight scenes where Evelyn, the moment she figures out that she has the power to fight back, chooses to utilize every means to fight her way out of conflicts and how Jobu Tupaki when she first appeared seemed so distinct from Joy, an attitude that Evelyn also staunchly adopts and reinforces. jobu tupaki in her 'fight' scenes, comes off playful, disinterested, and condescending; it's not until near the end when evelyn sees and understands waymond's way of fighting with love that we see the lines blur between Joy and Jobu, and how the two have always been one and the same-- Jobu/Joy began to fight JUST LIKE EVELYN when confronted with evelyn's hope and love, her fighting style aggressive and ruthless, mirroring the same intensity in the first half of the film with Evelyn's fights against everyone else, how Joy's fighting here is the clearest representation of the trauma she inherited from evelyn in that they fight the same way and that causing the most pain to themselves and to each other, but the cycle of that only ending when Evelyn holds her arms out to love rather than clench her fists to fight, and that being visually translated into the parking lot/bagel confrontation scene when Joy reaches back instead, a choice SHE makes because she sees evelyn choosing to break away from old cycles herself and i'm

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Typical pegoryu texting be like

Ryuji: 🥺

Akira: what's wrong?

Ryuji: 🥺🥺

Akira: feeling hungry?

Ryuji: 🥺

Akira: beef bowl or ramen?

Ryuji: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Akira: monjayaki instead, got it.

Ryuji: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Akira: okay, meet you in 15.

Ryuji: 🥺

Akira: I love you, too.

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as per last reblog, the thing that makes Annshiho so compelling is the fact that Ann was willing to kill for Shiho, while Shiho was willing to live for Ann-- and it shows in the character choices and growth!!! that's why they make me so crazy!!! Ann was willing to become a weapon in Shiho's name, but stopped herself because she KNOWS that's NOT what Shiho would have wanted for HER. Shiho was willing to survive and go through pain, just to make sure the strength Ann showed WORTH IT, that they are more than their tragic circumstances, that the hope Ann instilled in her can be the meaning for the FUTURE. it's about staying human despite the monsters taking everything, when you are on the brink already, when you are pushed over that cliff-- it's about falling to the lowest, and clawing your way up through love and desire for better, for each other and for themselves!! THEY MAKE ME SO

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stupid thought but y'all remember the merch akane hasegawa had of the phantom thieves in strikers?

i don't think it was ever confirmed what joker/the phantom thieves really looked like to the public (besides their silhouettes when giving the calling card to shido), so the merch is a combination of his face(?) and the phantom thief top hat logo to make this red lookin blob man as the main attraction. there are pins, chibi looking dolls/plushies, keychains, posters-- and these are generic merch stuff, but i'm thinking stupider and i'm wondering if there is a deformed paleta/ice cream stick version of red blob joker bc that would be so ridiculous and funny, i'm imagining this level of a masterpiece in cherry flavor form

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me, 15 and going through it: what do i have to live for

me, now 25, still going through it but with a job/money: hee hoo i'm gonna make y'all hold hands next

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Pride mood of the day before the month ends:

Thinking about how three weeks ago I went on a crazy insomnia-induced hunt for old fanfic I read in the 2000s and how cultural attitudes are so apparent when flipping back and forth from fic written today to something written 15 years ago and the experience evoked so many feelings of nostalgia, cringe, and awe because I used to see so many fics being unable to name a character as gay or bi or whatever, it was always "[love interest name]-sexual" because homophobia was a whole prevalent thing with people calling everything "gay" in legitimately derogatory tones and gay marriage didn't exist and seemed so far fetched and the fic writers of the times were entrenched in wanting to explore queerness through fictional characters but couldn't freely navigate in a way that felt not humiliating or vulnerable to attack, and recently I found some of these same fic authors over a decade later identifying as lgbtq+ because they now have the space, safety, and community to find and realize all these parts of themselves

And i guess what I'm saying is: it's not always an easy road to figure yourself out. It's hopeful and great to see people explore over the decades through art and connection, to realize the parts of themselves not stifled by fear and shame, and say, "ah, there I am. I'm here." Now, times are tough and it's scary and overwhelming, and it feels almost better to give up because it's easier and you are just so tired. You're tired, and that's okay. But I want you to know that you're here. That it is brave enough to just exist. That it is never too late to explore identities, nor is it shameful to continue that exploration, even if it takes a whole lifetime.

To the fic writers that explored and found themselves over the years: I love you.

To the you now still figuring it out: I love you.

I love you.

Happy pride month, everyone

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Took two years but finally finished p5r

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you finished royal 👀 thoughts?

I'm p sure i'll be parroting the same things that were echoed back when the FIRST round of p5r spoilers were circulating, so I'm going to put my thoughts under the read more just in case (also this is so long bc i have so much to say dslkfjasdlf). but yeah, while there ARE some positives, I'm warning y'all for the negatives-- so don't like don't read <3

1st thought: wow. so. That is ...a game, alright. Yeah.

2nd: how did a convoluted game become so much more nuts...?

3rd: I'm so damn sad lmao?

following the first thought: The UI was pretty neat and insane, I think the graphics were great and properly enhanced, the voice acting was PHENOMENAL, the music was pretty nice esp when vanilla was balls to the walls insane in its initial execution.

I was initially wary of the new characters, just bc it takes me a while to warm up to anyone new, ESP when it's from an already established game with its base plot and characters. I still wouldn't say Sumire/Maruki are my faves, but I also think if they were in any other game, I WOULD love them. I already think they're interesting, Maruki's characterization both vexes and fulfills me in the fact that the narrative really built him in a way that makes sense-- i was initially not a big fan of this guy bc he came off patronizing even tho he was clearly running away from his own pain-- BUT THE NARRATIVE ACKNOWLEDGED THAT and actually DID something about it, so honestly, yeah, that was fulfilling in the end just bc the bar is low and Atlus has dropped the ball so many times before lol I think Sumire is interesting. A lot of my initial wariness of her lied in the Kasumi-persona-- and when that was finally revealed that, hey! That's not really her! Yeah, I warmed up. Still think Atlus tremendously dropped the ball on her though, but I'll go into that in the second thought.

The new (needed) Akechi stuff was great. It was so fucking needed!!! That is the one area of this game that I will stand up and hoot for because it fleshed him out in a way that felt meaningful; I loved seeing his anger and the raw quality to his characterization. Not that there wasn't that in vanilla, but there was actually SPACE for him in this game, and that was soooooo good. He felt like a person full of literal depth that you can tangibly touch, rather than these flickers in vanilla that felt lacking. I was invested in his confidant in p5r, and while the 'feral' quality to him was kinda over the top in Maruki's dungeon-- his furious desire for autonomy was so in line with character trajectory from being manipulated and used by Shido-- like, wow, I AM OBSERVING, I AM SEEING, I AM LOOKING, I AM INTERESTED, I WANT BETTER FOR YOU. Yeah anyway, he was the one real good part in p5r, and that's why thoughts 2 and 3 are gonna be a thing.

going into the second thought: i seriously do NOT remember most of the spoilers from 2020, and I think that's a combination from naturally shit memory, 2021 being an extremely horrific year for me that impacted everything, and just the spoilers at the time being so insane I didn't want to truly believe it until I witnessed for myself. And well. I witnessed. Even if it took like, 2 years. lol. but how the hell did an already convoluted game become even more bloated and honestly... kind of unnecessary?

the trimester happened but IT DIDN'T REALLY? like, how roundabout do you have to go to just say, "nothing changed for MC in the end", like, bro??? I didn't spend an extra 30 ish hours just to end up back whence I came-- prison. The moment Lavenza said hey, all the work and pain and struggles you underwent will mean nothing because it WASN'T REAL IN THE REAL REALITY when you chose to fight the school counselor-- my god. My blood pressure. So. Akira still goes to prison. And now it's just, framed in such a nasty way of-- because everyone was essentially mind zombified by Maruki's tentacles (SERIOUSLY, ATLUS, SERIOUSLY?? I get he's a counselor BUT WHY), TECHNICALLY everyone and their mom left Akira to uh. Stagnate in prison. For almost 2 months. They essentially forgot him there. And yeah, I UNDERSTAND that everyone was mind zombified and weren't really acting in a way that was befitting of their care for p5 protag-- but how was it in vanilla, the moment the team finds out that Akira sacrificed himself, they spent the ensuing month advocating and finding evidence just to set him free!! Including his adult confidants!! And we somehow managed to set him free within 10 days of waking up in p5r??? It just feels shoehorned in, and again, kinda wtf bc Iwai's thing during Akira's imprisonment (if you max him out) is: "I have connections in the prison system that can ensure the teen that helped me can be safe and looked after." But uh. In p5r apparently, Akira doesn't get that protection for the apparent 1 ish months in prison. So. Again, I GET that Akira wasn't TECHNICALLY in prison the entire time, but reality bs aside where one's real or one's not-- it just leaves a nasty taste in my mouth about his situation.

going on the Sumire situation: why did Atlus. Do that. To her. In any other game, she would be my home slice, my baby girl, my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese-- but in this one.... what was her point? Besides being collateral for Maruki's story? It sounds really sucky of me to say it, and ofc no one has to agree with my opinions because they're just that-- but I am so resentful of the way Atlus utilized her. Like the OPENING scene where she somehow follows the team undetected into Sae's dungeon (not to mention, HOW THO, SHE JUST AWAKENED, SHE HAS NEVER REALLY PRACTICED, AND SHE'S FENDING OFF LEVEL 40-50 SHADOWS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS??? BUT THEN GETS BODIED IN MARUKI'S DUNGEON? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE) and 'saves' Joker and then just. dips??? That scene.... did nothing for Joker in the end? He still gets captured, still gets the everloving shit beat out of him, interrogated, etc etc. And then comes Shido's palace, and the team. Just doesn't. Invite her along. Even though, JUDGING FROM HER SKILLS DEMONSTRATED IN SAE'S PALACE, she should be perfect for the Shido heist-- but bc Vanilla was so damn completed, Atlus couldn't bother to implement her meaningfully in that dungeon. And like, her confidant is honestly interesting-- I didn't MEAN to actually care about her, because again, it takes a lot for me to warm up to new characters-- I liked her exploration in grief, in being her own person, hell, I even GET her Minnie Mouse thing to Joker's Mickey Mouse. I get it. I just dislike Atlus implementing her in core scenes that narratively.... doesn't mean anything IF YOU DON'T ACCESS TRIMESTER.

And even when you do-- it's all about Maruki. His research. His powers. His own pain. Sumire was collateral in him realizing himself, his potential, his distortion. It feels like a disservice to her. Because if you take her out of the plot-- what impact was there? Joker still goes to jail. Maruki would've still distorted reality due to his own pains and Yaldabaoth giving him the juice to do magic hand wavey stuff. It just. Seems so ugh, and highlights Atlus pandering to dudebros wanting another 'waifu' to boost their self-insert's ego. And sure, Sumire ISN'T necessarily a phantom thief-- she doesn't identify as such-- but the way her everything is centered solely around interactions with joker feels aughhh, bc it's juxtaposed against scenes where everyone's involved and being friendly to someone they don't know/feel close to besides "oh hey, another student like us and she knows Joker so that's cool", I'm getting tone shift whiplash; it makes everyone feel somehow more shallow in their own interactions-- and that's painful bc for all its faults, vanilla at least emphasized the close energy the team had for each other (YES, AKECHI INCLUDED BC FOR ALL HIS ANIMOSITY WITH THE TEAM, TWAS KINDA FUNNY). For a character that was utilized in so many core scenes with no actual high stakes impact with her presence, the fact that so many of her scenes were unskippable made the pacing grating, because WHY. the one thing I remember the director(?) saying that royal was all about the new characters-- but damn, i didn't expect that to be true lmao. the cast was large enough, so how did adding more to the salad not make anyone think-- hey, this might be a bit much. esp if the things that happened to joker largely didn't change.

ALSO, AKECHI, MY FUCKING GOD. why did they DO that to him????? His confidant? fantastic. His increased presence in the game? Needed and also good. but then you end up with, "uwu he's actually still dead in reality.... or is he ;)" situation?? Like WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT. it feels so disrespectful, and I honestly do not understand the direction they went with this besides kicking the protagonist down even more with emotional damage while also spitting MORE on Akechi's second apparent demise, like how the hell was this okay. yeah, no wonder the bad ending was so fucking juicy in comparison to the 'true' ending. miss me with that shit!!! nothing apparently changed!!!! why!!!!!! HE WANTED TO HAVE A CHOICE!!! BUT NOW WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT REALLY IS HIS CHOICE OR A FIGMENT OF AKIRA'S WISH, AND I'M SO GRATED

there are also other little tidbits that made go "why", like, the increased Morgana-Ryuji friendship scenes. Which, HELL YEAH??? FRIENDSHIP IN MY GAME? but then it's juxtaposed against OG vanilla scenes where they fight and split-- and it's so emotionally jarring and makes no fucking sense because in vanilla, it makes sense why Morgana would dip-- he and Ryuji had an unstable friendship fraught with self-doubt and projection on each other with no immediate desire to try to understand the other-- Vanilla made those ugh moments a whole ass point of Morgana feeling like he didn't belong, and giving him reason to leave. Now, in Royal, they have more friendship scenes that emotionally feels good, but narratively makes Morgana and Ryuji seem more dick-ish and irrational in the break up sequence. like, WHY ATLUS

going into my third thought: yeah, i'm so emotionally sad? About Akira? I don't even know how to articulate this properly, but. Again, it feels so nasty to see this character continue to go through it™, but it feels nastier to see how now in the end, the adults continue to fail him, and place the onus of responsibility on his shoulders.

the trimester was about helping Maruki and saving him.

Akira still goes to prison, and he CHOSE it, but did he really when his environment and the adults failed him into having to make that choice?

He's going back to his hometown, but the stereotypes will still persist, even with the new evidence of innocence, but hey, he can handle it.

and so much more. It's all about how "oh, akira is strong, he can handle it, he can get through this, he got this", but it feels so gross. Because he started the game alone, and in the end, he... leaves alone. Physically and emotionally, too.

Like i both LOVE and hate how everyone splits their own ways. I think, yeah, following the reality theme-- that IS realistic, and goal-wise, feels fulfilling in that regard. But in the other sense: this is a game about manifesting your soulsona into punching shitty adults, why tf are we leaving our MC alone again??? What drew me to vanilla p5 was just. How inherently alone everyone felt. Everyone was so damn alone, so damn lonely. And then they found each other. THEY FOUND EACH OTHER. the whole world might be against them, but that's okay because they're together. So now in the true ending of p5r, there's this... resigned feeling. Of accepting and moving away, of reintegrating in an unfair society that would look away from the most vulnerable and harmed. and it feels 'mature', it feels 'realistic', it feels 'normal'. And I both love and hate it. I love it for its acknowledgment of wanting to grow more than just being a phantom thief, but I hate it for how in the end, everyone felt so emotionally distant. I couldn't recognize them the same.

Akira started the story alone, and he somehow leaves more alone and distant. And again, it's that piece of "nothing changed". Akira might've changed, and I guess, that is the most important part bc his situation hasn't necessarily changed-- but why did it have to feel so much more lonely this time around? You give this boy a group of people he loves and who loves him back-- and suddenly, everyone's fucking gone. It just feels so painful, watching him board that damn train, still wearing glasses and smiling. a hundred plus hours of this game... and for what? his story was about pain, and now he gets more pain? who approved of this message?

overall: I think largely, p5r further highlighted the weaknesses shown in vanilla, and how convoluted and kinda stupid the plot was, i.e., society remaining largely the same even after Shido. Nothing really changed, besides MC's perception of the world-- and yes, I guess that's fine, that's powerful too in its way. But for a theme about "Rebellion™", p5r didn't.... have to keep hammering the WHY DEVIATING FROM SOCIETY IS BAD ACTUALLY message. That's so gross, man. I think p5r was fun to play and revisit, but ultimately the experience made me feel like a clown and made me lowkey hate the cast, and i never want to experience that split second of hate ever again <3

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hm, finally finished madoka magica

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sorry not sorry for going naruto on main but like was anyone going to tell me that the 20th anniversary animation was basically a 10 minute sasunaru amv or did I have to find that out on my own like literally shaking and crying right now HOLY SHIT