#hup two three four

[elijones94]

🐘 “COMPANY!! SOUND OFF!!!” 🐘

[heazueken]

Fully Charged

*ೃ༄ summary: Gojo can't wait for you to get home to give him release so he attempts to do it himself

warning(s): MDNI, masturbation, teensy bit of phone sex, explicit sexual content

pairing(s): gojo satoru/reader

w/c; 5k

a/n: another self indulgent fic. I just like thinking about Gojo jerking it and getting desperate...also reader's pronouns are not used, the only implication is the reader having a pussy lol. no use of y/n as well. enjoy!

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“Fuck me,” Satoru sighs when he gets passed the threshold of his front door. He kicks his shoes off, slides his blindfold down to let it sit around his neck, unzips his jacket and beelines straight to his livingroom. 

Late into the night was when he finally got home from fighting off four special grades. Day after day this week he was sent on mission that led to another mission and so on and so forth. Three days he’d been away from home, out and about with not even a single moment for himself! He couldn’t even bring himself back any souvenirs, suffice to say the week just hadn’t been all that great. Worst of all— Satoru had a raging boner all day that needed attention.

It was almost embarrassing, walking around town when the pressure of your pants against your hard-on was the only thing you could feel. God, why was it the worst times when he had to get all worked up? He’s the strongest, it didn’t cause him that much turmoil. Satoru could flip a switch and ignore it for the time being, but once home, where he could finally give his Six Eyes a rest and set his ass down on the couch was when the need between his legs became an absolute nightmare to handle. To make matters worse, you were also away on business and you weren’t planning on coming back for another day or two. You had your own business to attend, which led to this very moment— a quiet home, dark and empty of anyone inhabiting it for almost a whole week. Satoru laid across the expanse of the couch and let his head fall backward against the arm rest, releasing a long sigh as the weight of the week finally began to slip off his shoulders like running water.

Running water. A shower would be nice. With a hup and a swift jump off the couch, Satoru was heading down the stairs of his home to the bathroom. He stripped as he began his descent, slipping off his socks first with little hops to keep his balance, shrugging off his jacket and letting it crumple to the floor. He unzipped his pants but reached a hand behind his head to pull his shirt clean off with a quick movement, flipping the light switch to the bathroom on and not bothering to close the door behind him. He shimmied out of his pants, flicked the shower on and finally reached for his underwear, letting his erection spring free. He let out a not so quiet moan at the feeling of the air hitting his hot skin. His eyes look up at the mirror to see his figure, the hot water already creating steam on the glass. 

Satoru knew he was good looking, he knew he was hot as hell for that matter. He smiles at himself in the mirror, pointing at himself with finger guns and raises an arm to see the way his bicep flexes in the reflection. He chuckles to himself, his hand cupping around his clavicle, his eyes follow as he trails his own fingers down, his hand touches over the divot of his scar that was left right in the middle of his chest. His fingers move past it and he cups his own pec, the skin gives under his grip and he almost lets his eyes flutter shut to picture your hand instead of his. But he keeps an eye open to follow the natural path of muscle down, feeling the hills of his stomach, then past his belly button where coarse white hair began to grow and make a path down and down and—

Satoru lets out a sigh, watching the way his skin turns a shade of red in the hot, steamy room. His hand cups over his cock, gently wrapping his fingers around it and his jaw slacks open at just the slight touch. He watches himself in the mirror, his dick twitches in his hand and he doesn’t bite back a groan when he sees his tip bead with precum. God, if only you were here to get on your knees and open your mouth for him, wrap your pretty hands around him and take him down your throat just the way he liked. His chin falls against his chest when his hand grips his dick and he gives himself a good tug before taking a deep breath in and pulling away.

Not now. Shower. Then you can finally relieve yourself. 

The beating water atop his skin doesn’t help his need for release. Sure, it soothed his aching shoulders and the way it trickled down and wrapped around him like a blanket of warmth had been comforting. But the water hitting his erection only had him bracing a hand on the wall of the shower and ducking his head under the shower head, fighting back more moans. Lathering himself up with soap only seemed to make it worse. With his skin sudsy and slick, he could easily jerk off right here. He had half the mind to when he had to clean between his legs, letting his fingers find his length again to spread the soap over the skin. His forehead presses into the shower wall and he resists the urge to thrust into his hand. The pleasure becoming all too much, his thighs tremble and his knees buckle when he fists his cock again and swipes his head, a mixture of precum and soap washes away with the water and down the drain. 

“Fuck,” he groans, his voice low and rough. He supports his weight on one leg and braces an arm over the wall, pushing himself back to quickly wash the rest of the soap off. His dick— still needy for attention, curves with it’s heavy weight and it twitches from time to time as Satoru washes his hair clean and finally steps out of the shower. He doesn’t bother grabbing a towel, insisting on air drying his body all except for the towel he placed atop his head. He shakes the water off the tips of his hair and rubs the remaining water off, flipping his head back out of the towel with a sigh of relief and ruffles his damp hair with his hand. He stumbles back up the stairs, stark naked and picks up the trail of clothes he left on his way back up to the living area. Droplets of water make a trail behind him and follow him down a hallway towards his shared bedroom with you.

The moonlight pools into the room and Satoru lets his shoulders slump, forgetting again that you weren’t home yet. Remnants of you lingered still, your clothes riddled over the floor, your pair of reading glasses on the bedside table, untouched for days including the book that rested across the surface. Your slippers neatly sitting beside each other on the floorboards at your side of the bed. Your scent, albeit barely there, still lingered and the smell sent a jolt of electricity throughout Satoru’s body. His hand clenched into a fist, tossing his clothes into a nearby hamper when his cock springs back to life and he lets out what seems to be a whimper. His skin, still damp, makes his senses heightened, his hair sticks on end and a shudder runs across his body when he takes in that scent of you. God, he missed you. He needed you. He needed to lay down and jerk o—

His stomach grumbles and he holds a hand over his tummy, doubling over in the sudden pain. Shit! Barely even ate today. All he had was the sweet hard candy he sucked on throughout the day to give him the energy to get through his one and final mission of the day. He couldn’t even think about food by the time he was finally free and heading back home. He trots back out the room, passes through the hallway again and into the living room. The open space connects to his kitchen and he grabs his phone from off the couch as he makes his way around the bar that separated the rooms and he opens up the fridge. Nothing. Barely anything except for a bento box nestled in the corner of the top shelf. He reaches for it, pulls it out and inspects it for a moment, he doesn’t remember making anything. There’s a sticky note with his name and a few hearts drawn around it, Satoru smiles when he realizes you had made him this. You must have known he’d be hungry when coming back home, you knew how much the higher ups stretched him thin when making him go on a week long mission to exorcize that many special grades.

Satoru opens the box and his chest flutters with a love for you when it is packed with rice, some steamed veggies, a boiled egg and pieces of pork katsu. He remembers now, the night he was getting ready, you had been slaving away in the kitchen. Your back to him as you chopped some veggies.

“You better take this with you on your trip! You know you’re not gonna get a single thing to eat while you’re away.”

Satoru struts up to you, coming up behind and wraps his arms around your torso to rest his chin on his shoulder.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll buy some food, and the hotel has a kitchen, you know.”

You scoff, “So you’d rather have subpar hotel food than my cooking?” You elbow him, his Limitless turned off around you so the blow had sent him back a step and he rubs the pain away.

“Ehhh? I just feel bad you’re cooking for me! Should be the other way around, you have to head out soon tomorrow too!” He hugs you again, nuzzles his nose into the crook of your neck and breathes in your sweet scent. 

“You know I love your cooking more. It’ll make me sad seeing food you made when I get home because it’ll be a reminder you’re not here with me.” His hands slide down your waist, dipping low enough to raise your shirt to give him leverage to get underneath it and feel your skin. He closes his eyes, draws his hips forward and grinds into your backside. He hears a sound come from you, a sigh, then a slight whimper. Then, there’s an elbow to his rib again.

“Oi! C’mon! Can’t I have you before we both have to leave?” You look over your shoulder to him and wave a pair of chopsticks at him.

“You can after I’m done cooking! Go over there—“ You point past him to the bar counter, “have a seat and wait, okay?”

Satoru stands where you had been when cooking, the same chopsticks in his hand as he takes a large bite of rice. He flips through social media on his phone while he wolfs down his meal and he pops his hip against the counter. He looks down between his hands, yup, boner is still there. Thinking of you had been enough to keep the blood pumping and feel flushed all over. He had been embarrassed about how red he’d get in the middle of a heated moment; but once you had cupped his blushing cheeks in your hands and wrapped your legs around and locked your ankles together to drive him deeper inside you, you had told him how hot it was that he’d get this worked up over you. Watching his face turn red made him look more needy, thus making him look even more desirable. He always wanted to look that way for you.

He flips to the camera on his phone. He angles it down to his dick, dropping the chopsticks into the box so he can grab the base of it. He made sure to include the vein that created a path down his pelvis to where he was aching and hard. His tip was red and beaded yet again with his clear precum, he fights the urge to spit in his hand and start jerking it right then and there. But the lighting above had been too perfect for him to pass up a chance to send you a picture of himself. He snaps a photo, ensuring the curve of his cock is shown prominent and the veins of his hand that he knew you liked so well were in frame, including the dripping precum that dribbled down the underside of his shaft. He groans, rubbing his thumb where his length begins before typing your name into his phone and choosing the photo.

Missing you. He hits send and goes back to finishing his meal. 

He finishes his food, disappointment rising to the surface as time goes by. Five minutes. He cleaned his bento box and set it on the drying rack. Then ten. He went back to the couch and sat there, contemplating the idea of jerking off right here. Then twenty. He decided against it, put on a show and tried to get his mind off the incessant throbbing. Then thirty. He sighs, the feeling too overwhelming to ignore now and lets his head drop, walks back towards the hallway back to their room where he tosses his phone on the bed and flops himself down in the same manner. Legs and arms sprawled over the covers, he groans into the mattress when he moves his hips to gain a little friction against his sensitive dick. Sliding his head to the side so he rests his cheek against the covers, he huffs out a breath and his mouth hangs open. Another moan escapes him when he grinds into the fabric, feeling the pull of skin, imagining he was pressing against you. He picks up the pace and lets his eyes fall half lidded, a hand grapples the sheets into a fist and he’s full on humping his blankets that smell like you. He brings the fistful up to his nose, taking in the scent and he lets out a loud whimper of your name. 

“God, please,” he croaks, his throat tightening with a desire that sends his skin ablaze. He stops for a second, his high coming up too fast, he feels for his phone to see if you’ve answered. Still nothing. He lets the phone fall out of his hand with a forlorn sigh. He huffs and rolls over to lay on his back, scooting himself to his side of the bed so he can rest his back halfway against the headboard of the bedframe. 

Satoru reaches over to his bedside table and pulls out his small bottle of lube and tissues. If you weren’t going to answer him then he better take matters into his own hands (literally.) He lets the lube warm in the palm of his hand before ultimately wrapping his long fingers around his cock and finally, finally starts to make an attempt to rid of this need. 

He grabs himself at the base, squeezing gently to feel the blood pump through his veins, the warmth spreading across his body and he watches the way his tip leaks even more. If only you were here to be between his thighs— he spreads his legs apart as the image slowly appears behind his eyelids that he’s fluttering shut— your mouth open, tongue reaching out to lick a stripe across his head and taste the saltiness. His hand moves in slow and deliberate swipes, his grip hard enough to bring his foreskin up over his tip to spread his wetness across his shaft. He slides his hand up and up, his tip in the palm of his hand and his hand tightens. Satoru’s mouth opens to release a moan, his hips shift up into his hand as he imagines your throat closing around him. He brings his fist back down to his base, coarse hair tickling the skin before raising his hand back up to the head of his cock. His lubed and wet index finger swipes across the underside of his cock where the pink tip begins, his finger expertly swipes up and down.

“Ugh— ahh— Please!” Your tongue flicks and laps on his tip, he can practically feel it, mimicking the sensation with his own digits to make up for the fact you weren’t here to physically do it for him. Satoru’s eye screw shut and his finger quickens its pace, the stimulation rising makes his skin feel like it’s been lighten ablaze and his chest heaves. 

“Please, please— fuck,” He breathes, “Just like that!” He groans, instantly becoming louder. Had you been there you’d be shushing him; Satoru had a tendency to be a little loud, so much so that you’ve gotten a few complaints here and there. The man had no shame in declaring his pleasure for you, even if you weren’t home and he was fucking his own fist to find some semblance of relieve with the lack of company.

He lets out a whimper and a moan of your name as his fist wraps around his head and he twists his wrist, rubbing his tip like that, his thighs trembling with the overstimulation. Satoru’s mouth hangs open when he slides his hand back down to where his cock begins. His hips help his efforts when he thrusts his fist up and down in a deliberate and calculated manner. He tosses his head back, hitting his scalp against the headboard but the pain doesn’t phase him. He’s so lost in his pleasure that he doesn’t feel anything but the tingling sensation when he swipes his thumb over where he’s most sensitive, nor does he notice the drool pooling in his mouth. It slides over the corner of his mouth and drips down his chin. He lets out another groan, even louder than the last, the wet squelch of his hand wrapped around his cock fills his ears and the image of him thrusting in and out of your mouth has his toes curling. He can hear his blood flowing in his ears, barely being able to hear himself when he lets a string of curses release from his mouth.

“Fuck— just like that, let me fuck your mouth like that—“ His fist quickens, one eye cracks open to see he’s swollen, red, and his veins traveling up his cock are prominent. The coil inside his lower abdomen begins to tighten, as well as his hand, the speed unrelenting. “Agh, so wet…and tight for me, huh? Taking my cock so well,” He whines, his legs raise, spreading apart as his hand holds one of his legs open and bent under his knee. His body rocks, the intense feeling of him about to cum is there, it’s almost there! If he can just thrust more into his hand then maybe— 

He lets go instantly, breathing heavy and struggling to catch his breath. He looks down between his legs where his cock twitches, it’s heavy and leans to one side, resting against his thigh. Satoru watches creamy white ooze out of his tip. The cold air of the room hits his skin and the contrast of his heated skin has him gripping the sheets beside him and involuntarily thrusting up into nothing. He needed to cum, this was torture! He needed you! He needed to feel your skin, feel your mouth on him, smell your scent— your scent. Satoru whips his head to look around the room, locating a forgotten shirt on the wood floor, he leans over the bed, snatches it up and lays it over his chest. His hand grapples the clothing in one hand and grips his cock again with his dominant one. He brings the shirt to his nose, the smell of your perfume, your skin, your very essence engulfs his senses and his eyes roll back into his head. His drive comes back to life, a thin layer of sweat now sheens his skin. Satoru makes quick work with more lube, squirting more into the palm of his hand and continues fisting his cock. The tip slides in and out of the opening between his thumb and palm, the wet sounds increase in their volume, as does his moans.

It’s almost like you’re with him. Almost. He slinks down so he’s fully laying on the bed, his hair going astray as he presses his head into his pillow. Satoru turns over onto his side, he lowers his head to dig his nose further into the fabric and takes a deep breath in. He thrusts, sending a jolt down his body when he imagines fucking into you, his mouth opens and bites the fabric as if he was digging his teeth into your shoulder. He lets out a loud groan, it turns high pitched and into a whimper as he fucks his own fist and his hand smacks against his pelvis, creating a filthy wet sound. That feeling inside him begins to coil again, veins protrude on his pelvis in his desperation and his throat tightens.

“Ugh, please, please,” His words are muffled with the shirt between his teeth. His hand tightens around him in the same way your pussy would squeeze and attempt to keep him sheathed inside. “Please, I need to cum! Let me cum in you, please—“ He chokes on his words, letting the shirt go and rubs his cheek into the soft cushion. The bed begins to rock and it squeaks under his weight, he can feel you, inside you, the perfect image of you open wide for him and taking him in with an ease that made his hands tremble. He can smell you, he can practically taste you, he can feel you wrapped around him. But it still wasn’t enough. 

“God, please, just let me cum. I need it, just let me cum in you! Be good for me,” He begs, rolling onto his back once again, shakes the fabric off himself, leaving it forgotten beside his shaking body.

The scent isn’t helping anymore, he needed more! Maybe more stimulation… Satoru uses his other hand, squeezes his cock and thrusts his hips up into both hands. The head of his cock is wet and sensitive, each thrust against his palms sends electricity down his body, eliciting a slew of connected moans and pleads for release. But it’s not enough, his head falls into the pillow in frustration, he feels that itching in his throat— his eyes begin to burn and his chin trembles as he fights back his angry tears. One slips past his eyelids, his hands begin to slow their movements, his cock twitches with the loss of contact when he pulls away and pats around for his phone. The room is pitch black now, the moon hiding behind the trees in the distance. When Satoru taps his screen to open it, the light blinds him, drawing out a frustrated sigh and quickly unlocking the screen to your contact. He presses the speaker button when the phone begins to ring.

The phone rings once, twice, thrice— there’s silence and when he brings the phone closer to his ear, he hears a slight groan and shuffling on the other end.

“Hello?” You’re groggy, clearly woken up out of a deep, deep sleep. Satoru practically moans into the microphone at the sound of your voice, feeling that adrenaline of a newfound arousal that creeps up his spine. His hand immediately goes back to its previous job. He grunts, and he hears you ask the same question before going silent. He’s sure you know it’s him, he’s sure you can hear him jerking himself off. He’s sure you hear him when your name tumbles out of his mouth.

“Please, please, I can’t cum without you. Just tell me I can cum and I’ll leave you alone until you get home, I promise.” His words are littered with desperation when he uses both hands again.

“Satoru, wha— are you—?” There’s another plea that leaves his mouth and you’re on the other end still struggling to wake up. The realization hits you in the middle of a yawn when his words are finally processed and you’re staring down at your phone as your name and a string of desperate cries surround you. You lay your head back down, eyes fluttering shut and resting your phone beside you.

“You needed me that bad? Couldn’t wait one more night?”

Satoru shakes his head as if you could see him. A strangled grunt leaves him and he’s turning his head towards his phone.

“I couldn’t wait! I can’t now! I tried so hard, tried to get off without you. I thought I could do it but—“ He cries, tears streaming down his face. His chest tightens, his thighs tremble and spread away from each other, his hands squeeze around him, his back arches off the bed. That coil is ready to snap, it just needs your word to do so.

“I thought I could do it but I need you. I need your voice. Please, please let me cum!” 

You could be cruel, make him hold off a little longer to hear him beg harder, louder. If you were there you would, you’d have him crying and overstimulated, have him thrusting into you and grabbing you so roughly that he leaves crescent shaped dents in your skin from his nails. He’d grab you to hold onto his own sanity, he’d look up at you with pleading eyes, his mouth open to speak but no words can be made out. He’d be a babbling mess until you finally gave him the word and he was filling you to the brim with his passion. But the effort would be too much, and he clearly had been working on this for a while now. You flicked your phone out of the phone call to check the notification from him. 

Ah. A dick pic. One and a half hours ago. So he had been working on this for a bit.

“You looked really worked up earlier. I wonder how much worse it’s gotten.” 

Satoru releases a high pitched whimper at the attention finally given to him. The sleep still apparent in your tone, but your voice becomes softer— like the way you’d whisper into his ear to drive his orgasm out of him. 

“I was— I am! It’s unbearable! It’s so— I’m so hard for you, fuck! Please, just say the word! Let me cum for you, I’m begging you!!” That tightening inside him is about to snap, it waits for that final word, those words that could drive him to salvation and have him moaning his thanks. You lay in the darkness of your hotel room, letting him plead over and over until you feel your own arousal rise up and spread a warmth between your legs. You open one eye, your hips naturally moving to find just a bit of friction between your clit and the fabric covering you. Sleep almost takes over, it’s stronger than your sexual drive and your eye flutters back shut before you finally whisper to Satoru.

“Cum for me, Satoru. Lemme hear you.”

Snap. Satoru’s jaw slacks open, his eyes widen and go cross eyed as the wave of pleasure takes over his entire body. His reddened skin ignites a fire inside him, his hands tremble and struggle to squeeze like before, his hips driving up into his fists with a sloppy and quick pace. The sound of your voice knocked him right off the edge and his cum spits out in ropes that land across his skin. The pleasure drives throughout his body, his throat closes as he rides out his orgasm, strangling cries come through the phone to your end and you can picture the way he looks. He’s releasing a hand to grab for the sheets again, his chest rises and falls, his muscles ripple beneath skin as more of his cum dribbles out of his tip in now weak spurts that travel down over his fingers. The orgasm has his head spinning, his vision blurs and his limbs begin to feel weak, and yet his cock still twitches and slowly begins to soften. Cum leaks out of him and he lets his eyes shut when the high begins to lower and the rushing blood in his ears deafens. His limbs go limp and he lets his head tilt to the side. 

“Thank you,” He huffs, a whisper so quiet that he doesn’t know if you even heard it. He’s silent for a moment, his heart slowing down with each large intake of breath. Satoru strains his ear for you to say something. There’s a snore, and then another shuffle of what sounds like rustling covers. He sighs, letting his gaze linger at the ceiling as his body finally loosens from the tension that he had been building all day. He rests for a few minutes, letting his mind wander to you finally coming home and hugging him close in a greeting. A smile forms on his lips and his last bit of energy is used to get up and take another quick shower.

When he returns to his room, still naked except for the towel wrapped around his hips, he gets back into bed and leans down to speak into the phone.

“Excited to see you tomorrow. I promise I’ll make it up to you…you know, after waking you up in the middle of the night. Love you.” He hangs up the phone and settles into bed, a wide smile grows across his face as he lets himself fall into another dream of you coming home and stripping your clothes off. Pushing him into the bedroom and locking the door behind you, getting on top of him and exposing your skin to him. Raising his hands up to your breasts to cup them, you grinding down into his lap and then letting his name fall out of your mouth with a heavy need.

Satoru rolls onto his other side, his brows scrunched together in a sudden discomfort. He tosses and turns, a feeling boiling in his bowls and creeping it way downward toward— he looks under the covers, groans and slumps his head back into his pillow. “Hard again.” He groans, grabbing his phone to call you again.

[mimeo-tan]

drill sargeant voice hup two-uh three four

(drafted november 14th)

[scalpcollector]

I've got those hup, two, three, four occupation G.I. Blues!

[justicerikai]

Charisma House - Superhuman Sharehouse Story “Charisma” - #97 Hope

Please read alongside listening to the drama track on Youtube.

Let me know if I missed something!

TL note:

An other comeback of something mentioned in a previous drama track, aka 山ズボラの助. As usual, it turned into a literary reference for consistency the first time I came across it. (why did i do this. i regret it)

Rikai: Goood morniiiiiing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rikai: Everyone, good morning! It’s morning, time to wake up!

Rikai: Good morning!

(Rikai making the rounds)

Rikai: Good morning, good morning!

Rikai: Good morning, good moooooooooooooo------rning!

(Everyone being sleepy and staggering)

Rikai: Rikai realized! As to why everyone’s acting like Ebenezer Scroungy!

Rikai: That’s because you all neglected to live an “orderly lifestyle”!

Rikai: Wake up properly in the morning! And have a wonderful day!

(Everyone groaning)

Torahime: Ri-Rikai-san… Phew, I have to say waking up early isn’t bad, it feels nice

Rikai: !! You mean that, Tora-san!

Torahime: As expected from mankind’s leader

Rikai: Eh? Naw~

Torahime: Can’t do it without you

Rikai: Please that’s enough~

Torahime: No no I mean it

Riaki: No no no, it’s too much~ Ahahaha

(Iori prepping breakfast)

Rikai: Ooh Saru, aren’t you late now. Good morning.

(Sarukawa sits down and ignores him)

Rikai: ? Good morning.

Sarukawa: ….

Rikai: Saru, good morning

Rikai: Good morning!! Good morning!!!!

Terra: Rikai-kun, that’s enough

Amahiko: Let’s keep things peaceful in the morning

Rikai: Eh? Why are you criticizing me? Greetings are important, no?

Torahime: Yes!

Rikai: Good fences make good neighbors

Torahime: Exactly~

Terra & Amahiko: ….

Rikai: Huh? Where is Ohse-kun

Iori: Prolly in his room

Terra: He’s been holed up in his room again lately

Amahiko: He’s the same as always

(The five of them smiling)

(PIIIIIIIII)

The five of them: !

Sarukawa: Shuddup!

Rikai: This is no laughing matter, I’m worried about him. I’ll go have a little chat.

The five of them: Eeeh!?

Iori: Wait, Rikai-kun?

Terra: Just leave him be~

Ohse: The sole presence of this piece of shit will taint breakfast

Rikai: What are you saying! A delicious meal is best enjoyed together!

(Rikai shining brightly)

Ohse: Aah, my eyes… sorry I’ll go kill myself

Rikai: Hey now! I told you dying is no good, did I not!? Have some hope! Okay!

Rikai: Ah that’s right, Ohse-kun, let’s do some physical exercising outside

Ohse: ….!

(Rikai pulling him by the arm)

Iori: Haaah?

Sarukawa: Oi

Terra: It’s too early~

Rikai: Now then! Let’s work out!

(A mysterious song starts playing from the radio)

Fumiya: What’s this…

Amahiko: You don’t say… Radio calisthenics…

Sarukawa: Ya gotta be kidding me…

Rikai’s voice from the radio: “Part one of Rikai Calisthenics~!”

Rikai’s voice from the radio: “First, an exercise to beat that lazy disposition back into shape~!”

Rikai’s voice from the radio: “Start, hup, one, two, three, four…”

Amahiko: Eeeh…

Iori: What the hell

Sarukawa: How the fuck are you supposed to move here

Fumiya: He's mental

(Terra pummeling the radio to stop it)

Terra: AAAAGH!!

Rikai: Hey! Why did you stop it!

The five of them: Ugh! I had enough! Cut it out!

Ohse: …! ….!!

Ohse: Ah…uh.. excuse me!

The six of them: ?

Ohse: Rikai-san, I’ll get out of my room from now on

Rikai: Ohse-kun! You mean that!?

Ohse: I feel somewhat better from moving my body

Rikai: I told you, no~? Now no more saying you want to die, okay

Ohse: Yes, I got it

Rikai: I’m glad~ Fufufuhahaha

Ohse: Ah, ahaha…

Fumiya: Y’mean that?

Ohse: ….

Ohse: Excuse me?

Fumiya: Ohse-kun, y’mean that?

Ohse: Mean what

(Fumiya poking Ohse in his sides)

Fumiya: Hey, hey hey

Ohse: !

Fumiya: I know the truth’s different, spit it out, you know it too

Ohse: Please stop

(Fumiya poking Ohse in his sides)

Fumiya: C’mon, c’mon c’mon, c’mooon

Ohse: Guh- please stop it!

(Rikai working with a smile)

Rikai: 〜♪

Ohse: I’m happy, obviously I’d be happy about it

Ohse: To think he’d worry about a piece of shit like me…

(Rikai smiling as he’s thinking of something)

Rikai: Maybe this would be best… However…

Rikai: Ah, of course, this definitely must be right! Fufufufu

Ohse: But obviously such a piece of shit like me won’t be able to meet his expectations

Ohse: I can’t give anything back, that’s why…

Fumiya: It makes you want to die more

Ohse: !!

(Ohse looking down)

(Torahime spying on them)

Torahime: ….? Hrmm

Rikai: Everyoneee~! It’s almost time for dinner. Properly wash your hands, rinse your mouth and then have a nice balanced meal--

(Front door opening)

Rikai: ?

Torahime: Leader! Big trouble!

Rikai: Tora-san, what’s wrong?

Torahime: A most awful act of betrayal is happening unbeknownst to you!

Rikai: ? Huh, what?

(Torahime pulling Rikai by the arm)

Rikai: W-what is it, Tora-san. Going out at this kind of hour is--

Torahime: Rikai-san, maybe it would be best to leave that house by now.

Torahime: A magnificent man as you deserves a better place where there’s even more recognition for his righteousness. 

Rikai: Eh?

(The two of them hiding close by)

Torahime: Please look over there…! At that…!

Rikai: …?

(Fumiya and Ohse being lit up by the park’s lamppost) (Mysterious music playing)

Rikai: Fumiya-san…?

Rikai: ….! Ohse-kun…!?

(The two of them start singing)

Ohse: Why I failed to die, is all your fault~♪

Fumiya: I won’t do a single thing~♪

Ohse: Why I failed to die, is all your fault~♪

Fumiya: In your adorable last moments~♪

Ohse: Let me pass away~♪

Fumiya: Help yourself, because I will not~♪

The two of them: Jumping off, hanging by the neck and slitting wrists~♪ It’s Fumiya and Ohse’s Death Game~♪

Rikai: Ohse-kun…! What’s with that song…!

Rikai: You said you wouldn’t yearn for death anymore… I thought you finally understood…!

Fumiya: What an awful song, hahaha

Ohse: Hehehe…

Both of them: Hahahaha…!

Rikai: He’s laughing…

Rikai: You- you’re capable of such a lovely smile…

Rikai: And before me… not once did you… 

(Rikai runs away)

Torahime: Ah

(Rikai dashing through the city at night)

Torahime: (And thus for the first time in his whole life, Kusanagi Rikai had broken his curfew.)

(Rikai painfully continues to run) 

Rikai: ….!! …..!

Torahime: (...Hehehe)

[swan2swan]

HUP

TWO

THREE

FOUR

[howlingday]

The Most Toxic? No!

Setting - Nora Valkyrie loves to play Mario Party with her friends, but she can be kinda... TOXIC. So they made a challenge where she must be NICE, and if she isn't, she has to skip on the star for that turn. Here's how it goes...

Getting started - 0

Weiss: So, if you have to be nice...

Nora: Weiss! No! It doesn't start until we choose the map, so stay away from my Daisy!

Weiss: Oh, really? Shouldn't you start now?

Nora: No, because I got to choose the theme for this game, which means it's my game, WHICH MEANS I'M DAISY!

Weiss: Hm... Fair point. Uh, counter-point. (Chooses Princess Daisy)

Nora: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Weiss: Up-bup-bup! You have to be nice to me. You can't give me any sass.

Jaune: Come on, Weiss, be nice. Let her be Princess Daisy.

Weiss: But-

Nora: Please! It's canon that I'm Queen Daisy!

Weiss: If you want it, you have to nice.

Nora: No, because I already told you that I'm not starting being nice until we choose the map. Having said that, give me Queen Daisy or I burn your house to the ground with you inside of it. NOW!

Weiss: And what's stopping you from saying, "Oh, it doesn't start until Turn 5"? Or Turn 12? Or until next game?

Jaune: Weiss, just give her Princess Daisy.

Weiss: Fine. You're both really cringe. (Unselects Princess Daisy)

Nora: (Chooses Princess Daisy) Thank you. You're so nice~!

Jaune: See? We're all one, big, happy family.

Yang: Fuck that! I want VIOLENCE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nora: (Princess Daisy) Okay. Starting now, you will see, "Nice Nora".

Weiss: (Luigi) Uh-huh, and get ready for "Super-Toxic Weiss".

Yang: (Wario) Please, Ice Queen, you should get ready for "ULTRA-TOXIC YANG"!

Jaune: (Yoshi) I'm Yoshi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rolling Roles - 1

Nora: Six!

Yang: Nine!

Nora: Sixty-nine?

Weiss: Seven!

Jaune: WHOO! I GOT TEN!

Yang: Nora going last? That's embarrassing.

Nora: Yeah. Yeah, it is pretty unfortunate.

Yang: I'm filling in for Nora.

Weiss: Yeah, because we've been stuck with this imposter!

Nora: I'm just happy to have fun here, playing Mario Party with my best pals! I'm here for a good time.

---------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Okay, here we go...

Nora: Great roll, Jaune!

Jaune: Aw, thank you, Nora! Thank you so much!

Nora: You gotta teach me some time!

---------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Aw, man... I wanted the custom dice.

Nora: Yay! Go, Jaune! Double Dice are a great item, King!

Weiss: PFFT!

---------------------------------------------------

Yang: Alright, big rolls, big rolls...! Shit! Why am I getting low rolls?!

Nora: Yo, next time, Yang. Next time, Queen. It-It wasn't meant to be, y'know? It's not easy, but you'll pull through.

Weiss: Ugh, this is so gross seeing you like this. You're like some kind of gross parody, like gray Ruby.

Nora: Haha!

Yang: (Bland) Aw, what's the point?

Weiss: MOTHERFU- HOW DID I ROLL SO FUCKING LOW?!

Yang: Really? A 1? That's embarrassing! Wait... Uh oh...

Jaune: Weiss, how are you already so toxic on just Turn 1?!

Yang: And just like that, we're all behind Nora.

Nora: Wow. You know, maybe kindness is the move.

Jaune: Right?

Nora: ...Okay, maybe not.

Weiss: Wow, Nora! You rolled so low! Doesn't that make you want to... flip a table?

Nora: Uh, no, because I'm gonna get ten coins.

Nora: ...Or a Double Dice. That's still good.

---------------------------------------------------

Yang: WHY DID I DIE?!

Weiss: WHERE DID I GO?!

Nora: Yay, we did it, Jaune! Let's go~!

Weiss: AT MY EXPENSE!

Nora: Weiss, Yang, y'all got it next time, Queens. Don't worry!

Weiss: FUCK YOU!

Jaune: Hey! Whoa!

Nora: Wow. That really hurt my feelings. Very uncalled for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toxic Rise - 2

Jaune: Geez, Weiss! Why are you so toxic, and it's not even Turn 2?!

Yang: Okay... Hidden block? ...DAMMIT, COME ON, MAN!

Weiss: Hup! What the shit?! I rolled a one and a two! I guarantee I'll get a three next turn, and then a four.

---------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Wait, what am I supposed to do here?

Weiss: Just be better.

Jaune: I- I actually can't do anything to you guys! It's frustrating! And you're just camping the same spot!

Nora: Jaune, this game is really hard. Especially when you are the one in this one-v-four. So you know what? You did your best, King. It's okay.

Weiss: Ugh... What a cringelord.

Jaune: (Sniffles) That is actually the nicest thing you've ever said to me... Thank you~!

..................................................................................

FLASHBACK

Nora: JAUNE!

Nora: Shut the fuck up, Jaune! Don't ever talk to me again!

Nora: Shut up, Jaune!

Nora: Jaune, how are you so bad at this game? It's literally aim and shoot! You are so bad, it's embarrassing!

Nora: No, Jaune is over. He should've gotten last. I don't know why he's-

Jaune: What are you talking about?!

Nora: Let's go, Jaune~! I'm happy for you, King!

Jaune: No you aren't!

END OF FLASHBACK

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toxicity Builds - 3

Weiss: DUST FUCKING DAMN IT! A THREE?! What, did the game fucking hear me?!

Yang: Pfft! You actually rolled a three!

Nora: Come on eleven! ...Darn.

Weiss: I think if you really wanted to be not toxic, you should give the star to me. Right, Nora?

Nora: Uh, there's a difference between being non-toxic and throwing.

---------------------------------------------------

Nora: Oh, it's this game. I don't like this game, so for the sake of remaining toxic free, I'm not going to ground pound anyone.

Weiss: Really? It must make you frustrated. Couldn't you just... KILL SOMEONE?

Yang: ...What?

Weiss: Poor, little Nora, constantly caught on the bottom of my foot. Doesn't that make you mad with your two points?

Nora: No... No, I'm... I'm happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toxic Love - 4

Nora: Wait, who won the last game?

Yang: Me.

Nora: Way to go on that last game, Yang. You've always been the most skilled at the game. Like, all the time.

Yang: Oh, well, uh, thanks, Nora. Oh! Nora, check it out! It's Turn 4-20!

Nora: AHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S SO FUNNY, YANG!

Jaune: Do we have to do this?

Weiss: Wow! That was so funny, I forgot to laugh.

---------------------------------------------------

Weiss: Please don't be a four... Oh! Well, that's good. It's not a low roll, at least.

Nora: Hidden dice block?

Weiss: YES!

JY: NOOOOO!

Jaune: NORA, YOU WERE TOO NICE!

---------------------------------------------------

Nora: I get the first star? How lucky am I?

Weiss: Yes, congratulations, Nora. Perhaps you'd also like to... rub your victory in our faces?

Nora: ...I do. But I won't. Because I'm a nice person.

Nora: So nice that maybe I could get myself a hidden dice block~?

Nora: Aw...

Weiss: No, you already gave your hidden dice block to me, remember? I appreciate that, by the way. It was very nice of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toxic Up to Bottom - 5

Nora: You got a star, Yang! You're in first! Honestly, I couldn't choose a better rival. You're way better than me.

Yang: Aw, thanks, Nora. I can just tell you are SEETHING with pent up anger. You really want to tell me how bad I am!

Nora: No, no... But now the star is so close to you, Weiss! You just need a five or above!

Weiss: Well, it is Turn 5, so you never know if- FUCK! Ugh! Why me?!

Yang: Just get your item, Ice Queen.

Nora: Ooh, be careful on this one, Weiss. Items can be hard to get here. But you got this because I believe in you.

Weiss: I also believe in me. In fact, I believe I'll get exactly what I deserve.

Weiss: YES!

JY: NOOOOOOOOO!

Nora: Wow! Way to go, Weiss! You won a cursed dice block!

Weiss: Thank you, Nora, but the real winner is you because YOU won a cursed dice block.

---------------------------------------------------

Weiss: Wow, you almost messed up on jump ten? How embarrassing would that be, Nora?

Nora: Uh, it would be unfortunate, but it would also be a valid loss because this game is very tricky. Very tricky! VERY TRICKY!

Weiss: Oh! F in the chat for Nora!

Nora: I didn't want anyone else to get last, so I took it for you.

Weiss: Uh-huh, sure.

Jaune: Aw, thanks, Nora! You're too kiIIIIND!

Weiss: Whoa! I almost burned myself!

Jaune: YEAH, SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP TALKING, WEISS?! STOP TALKING!

Yang: I can do this all day, Weiss-Cream!

Weiss: I can do this all da- Shit! Shit! FUCK!

Yang: Damn. We almost made it to a hundred. We could've tied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toxic Snowball - 6

Jaune: WHAT THE-?!

Weiss: Yang, you actually saved me! Oh, but I can't say thank you because that would be nice, though. I will, however, repay the favor. Oh, one sec.

Weiss: Hi, Nora.

Nora: NONONO-!

Weiss: Bye, Nora.

Nora: You didn't have to go right for me!

Yang: Okay, good game, Weiss.

Weiss: Wait! No! I CAN'T MOVE!

Yang: Okay, good game, Weiss.

Weiss: I'M STUCK! HELP!

Nora: Thank you, Yang, for avenging me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Toxic - 9

Weiss: I may have lost the last time, and the second time, and the third time-

Jaune: And the next day! And the next day! And the next day!

Yang: Pfft! That show can be used for any reference.

Jaune: And the next- FUCK!

Nora: Jaune, it's okay, King, you'll get them next time.

Jaune: And the next day! And the next day! And the next day!.

Nora: Pfft!

Weiss: Give in to the hate, Nora. There's no way you can be nice after watching such a sheer failure like-

Jaune: SHUT THE HELL UP, WEISS!

Jaune: Look, Ice Queen! I am flustered like you wouldn't believe! I've had technical issues out the wazoo, AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO RUB SALT IN MY WOUND!

Nora: Exactly. Jaune is under a lot of stress, so we should cut him some slack.

Jaune: NORA, I KNOW YOU'RE DOING A BIT, BUT THANK YOU!

Nora: Jaune, it isn't a bit. It's me being very genuine.

Weiss: Ah, and here comes Nora to pour honey in the wound.

Yang: Wait, honey in the wound?

Weiss: I was going for something like the opposite of salt-

Yang: FUCK!

Weiss: And with Yang out of the way, this will be my FIRST MARIO PARTY WIN OF THIS GAME! AAAAAH! I'M AMAZING AT THIS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toxic, Toxic, Toxic, SHOOT - 10

Nora: I knew how bad you wanted to win, Weiss, so I threw that last game. Good job!

Weiss: I don't believe you. I think you actually lost because you are actually very bad at this game.

---------------------------------------------------

Weiss: Wait, wait, wait! You could steal from me, oooooor you could turn this into content!

Jaune: You're right, I could, so I'm letting you and Yang decide who I take from.

Weiss: Okay, then we'll decide this right now! Yang, play Rock, Paper, Scissors with me!

Yang: What?! Why am I being involved in this?!

Weiss: Ready? Three! Two! One! Shoot! Roc-

Yang: Paper.

Weiss: Okay, okay, that's a point to you. Three! Two! One! Rock!

Yang: Paper.

Weiss: WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO PICKS PAPER TWICE IN A ROW?!

Yang: WHO THE HELL PICKS ROCK TWICE IN A ROW?!

Jaune: Doesn't matter! We all know what this means! Thanks for playing, Weiss~!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Melting Point - 19

Yang: Alright. Chance time.

Nora: Oh man... My life is in the hands of Yang! Please...

Yang: Okay. Star...

Weiss: Me... Me... Me...

Yang: Aaaand... Boop!

Nora:

YES! YES! YES! SUCK MY FUCKING DICK! LET'S FUCKING GO!

Weiss: That sounded toxic! Nora, that sounded so toxi- WHAT THE FUCK?!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

Weiss: ...I'm out. I'm done.

Nora: GET FUCKED, WEISS! GET FUCKED! YOU ARE SO FUCKING TRASH AT THIS FUCKING GAME!

---------------------------------------------------

Nora: I... I am crying right now... Weiss, can you imagine being in LAST PLACE with ZERO STARS?! THAT'S EMBARRASSING!

Jaune: HAHAHAHA! SHE DID IT!

Weiss: YOU FUCKING CUNT!

---------------------------------------------------

Weiss: Guys~! Guys~!

Jaune: I'M ROTATING, DAMMIT!

Yang: WHAT?!

Nora: YOU ARE ALL FUCKING ASS, BRO! PLEASE QUIT THE FUCKING GAME! NEVER PLAY THIS GAME AGAIN!

Jaune: H-Her toxic powers are making her too strong...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remedy- Final

Nora: Hey, uh, Jaune, you're gonna go random with the star steal, right?

Jaune: I'm sorry, Nora, but you revealed your true colors!

Nora: Nooooooo!

---------------------------------------------------

Nora: Wait... I'm gonna get blasted?!

Jaune: Good! It's about time someone blasted the toxicity out of you!

Weiss: Oh, I'm going to enjoy this.

Nora: NOOOOOO! DAISYYYYYYYYY!

---------------------------------------------------

Weiss: I'll let you two handle this. I'll just sit here and watch.

Nora: Jaune, we can't let Yang win!

Jaune: Agreed! Let's do this!

Yang: Hup! Hup!

Nora: NOOOO!

Jaune: FUCK!

Nora: I FUCKING HATE YOU, WEISS!

Jaune: I HATE YOU, TOO, WEISS!

Weiss: Oh, you know me; just doing a little trolling~.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Results

Jaune: Wait, there's a shopping bonus?

Nora: Pretty sure that's you, Jaune. Unless it's me, but I'm pretty sure you- YES! YES!

YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK! LET'S GO! NEVER PLAY THIS GAME AGAIN! I WIN! I'M CRAZY!

Nora: IN THE END! TOXICITY WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER WIN!

[fe-fictions]

hi hi hi! do you have anything for balthus? have a nice day!

(I actually have one...!!! I'd written two, but I can barely remember what the first one was,,, ;;; A ;;; So please enjoy some Papa Balthus!)

You loved that Balthus was a doting father. Your little girl was fragile and sweet, so Balthus always took extra care when handling her.

She was the light of his life, that much was certain. So you never objected when he asked to take care of her for the day. You had your duties to handle, and the baby could be a lot of work that would leave you exhausted if you had to tackle everything at once.

Today, though, you found your work completed much earlier than anticipated. So you decided to take the opportunity to spend time with your little family.

After asking around a bit, you realized that Balthus had taken her with him to the training grounds, likely to keep track of her while he was exercising. When you opened the door to the grounds, though, you didn’t expect the sight before you.

“Abwah!”

“That’s just three sets, squirt- we’ve got two more to go! Hup!!” 

There was your husband, doing push-ups on the floor, with his daughter sitting dutifully on his back. Though to be fair, she didn’t know exactly what was going on.

His little four-month-old was nothing more than a 15 pound weight, which was nothing for your hard-muscled husband.

You leaned against the doorframe, watching as he set into his push-ups again, your daughter bouncing every time he lifted his arms to clap his hands together.

She looked positively decided, babbling nonsense to her father while he toiled away beneath her. You weren’t entirely sure what you were looking at, but it was absolutely adorable.

For a long while you didn’t say anything, waiting until he finished up his fourth set before coming into the room.

“Well, now...what have we here?”

Balthus turned his head to find his wife’s stockings in view, craning to look up and meet your amused gaze.

He grinned at you, pausing his workout to greet you properly.

“Byleth! Just the woman I wanted to see.” 

“Why’s that?”

“You’re my wife, aren’t you? I want to see you all the time!” He laughed, plucking the baby from his back so he could turn over and regard you properly. “What brings you here in the middle of the day?”

“I finished my work early, it seems. I thought I’d come check on you two and see how you were doing.”

“We’re doing just fine,” He replied while wiping his face with a towel, hugging his girl to his chest. “She’s been helping me workout, today.”

“I noticed.” You smiled softly, bending over to pet her head. She gave you a gummy grin, reaching up at you with those grabby little hands you loved.

You lifted her into your arms, but didn’t have her for much more than a second before your husband was protesting.

“Now, wait a minute! You can’t take my training partner away all of a sudden!”

“But I haven’t seen her all day. You aren’t honestly going to keep me from our child, are you?” Your eyebrows rose, surprised by his protest.

Balthus shrugged, draping the towel over his shoulders. “Someone’s gotta spot me today, and she’s my favorite training weight. At least let her stay until I’ve finished my routine, please?”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am! And hells, why stop with the baby? How about you hop on, too! I’d welcome the extra challenge.”

“You want to use your wife in addition to your daughter...as training weights?” You stared at him borderline in awe. It was an amusing idea, but you weren’t convinced it was a good idea.

“Why not? I can handle it! Besides, it’ll be fun family time!”

“Family time…” You echoed, looking to your daughter. Her eyes were wide and round with excitement, clearly hoping that you would go along with it (even though she was a baby who had no idea what was going on).

“C’mon, By. It’ll be fun!” He gestured for you to join him, assuming the push-up position. “We can at least try it, right?”

“...I suppose.” You slowly conceded. Balthus cheered, setting himself in place while you carefully arranged yourself to sit on his back. You crossed your legs, tucking them  so you could hold your daughter in your lap.

She seemed happy to be with you, slapping her father’s back with uncoordinated handwork.

Balthus chuckled, “Guess that’s my cue to get workin’!” 

You were pleasantly surprised when Balthus began his work, managing to perform his push-ups with ease even with your added weight.

You counted for him aloud, keeping your daughter secured while she wiggled in your lap. Sure enough, by the time he finished his final rep he was hardly breaking a sweat. 

It was actually quite humorous, had anyone walked into the training room and seen the Archbishop sitting on her husband, baby in hand, while he was pushing himself to the limit.

Of course you were fortunate enough that wasn’t the case (you weren’t sure if you could live it down if someone saw you in such a silly position).

“Aaand...there!” Balthus slowly sank to the floor, resting his head on the cool stone as he caught his breath. “See? Told you it was easy! That was nothing at all!”

“You’re rather arrogant for a man who’s under the boot of his wife and child,” You mused, tapping your foot against his back. “Who’s to say we don’t want you to do three more reps?”

“Oh yeah? Who’s gonna make me?”

“The women who won’t remove themselves from your back until you do.”

“What, you don’t think five reps is enough?”

“I think you’re going soft- you could do eight reps without skipping a beat back in the day.” You smirked when he tilted his head back to look at you, a sparkle in his eye.

“Byleth Eisner von Albrecht, is that a challenge?”

“It is, Balthus von Albrecht.”

“Challenge accepted.” He grinned (borderline maniacally), and lifted himself back up so quickly he almost knocked you both off.

“Aaawahhbah!!!”

“Ma’am, yes ma’am!” Balthus was all fired up, running those push-ups like he hadn’t done five reps before.

Of course, you assured him he’d be rewarded handsomely if he achieved his goal.

Which would have been a kiss, if Constance hadn’t chased you down for an urgent meeting that suddenly popped up and preceded to scold you and Balthus for such an obscene display in the middle of the day.

[i-did-not-mean-to]

Fic-year in review

Thank you @cilil for tagging me. I've taken some days so think about it...so, here we go.

Rules

post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year,

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

Tagging: @lordoftherazzles, @laurfilijames, @last-capy-hupping, @lathalea, @polutrope, @cuarthol, @heilith, @mismaeve, @scyllas-revenge and everyone else who wants to do this. (Again, I've tagged a few people who I think might tag all the others :) )

Five works I'm proud of

The Silm/Hobbit crossover because it shows the change I've undergone this year. (Maglor & Ori)

Sic vita est because it is - in my opinion - one of the best representations of who I am as a writer. (genderbent Fëanorians, multi-ship)

Some say the world will end in fire because it was one of the hardest things I've ever written. (In-universe Russingon with a twist)

Blood because it is very different from what I usually write as well. (Vampire Elves)

Song as old as rhyme because it proves that I can update and adapt my HCs and the way I write characters according to new stuff I wanted to try out.

Four new WIPs I am excited to release next year

My (as of yet) untitled MSV fic (I am sweating bullets over it, but I am giving it my best shot)

My art exchange fic with @sortumavaara (Glorestor)

My calendar fic for @frosticenow's calendar event

Different Disney/Musical AUs where I don't know yet which one will make the cut. Depends on how I feel and what people would want to see the most.

Top three improvements

I've taken part in about every event I could get my hands on and I've worked hard on overcoming (or at least challenging) my profound fear of being impertinent by being everywhere all the time.

I don't know if that is an improvement (some people might disagree), but I've taken on a whole slew of new characters. I now write canon x canon, LGBTQ+, queer smut, and an alarming number of elves and Valar.

I have ventured into new (and sometimes uncomfortable) styles, genres, tropes this year. I've dared trying to write some really explicit smut and some profound angst for example.

Top two resolutions

Actually finishing something (really, I just want to bring 1! of my longfics to a close without it fizzling out, lol)

Furthering my nefarious AU propaganda...and maybe letting people in on a broader All-Tolkien (timeline what timeline) AU where I get to play with ALL my blorbos.

Favourite line

How easy it had been to give up the crown of fire and wrath and hand it over to temperate wisdom instead; he could never have been the king Fingon had become and his ultimate failure to defend the one who had shielded him through perils galore was a proof of his ineptitude too terrible to bear.

(I chose one at random, even though I dare say that my favourite line is probably: I love you)

Masterlist

Ao3

Lots and lots of love from me!

[minusgangtime]

(With commander hurricane and private pansy-)

"Hup-two-three-four! Hup-two-three-four! Keep an eye out for enemies, private!"

"But all I see is snow, sir.."

[bardick]

me thinking about writing lewyn banter lines for bg3 and so far the only one i have is:

APPROACHING THE HOUSE OF GRIEF

lewyn : ah yes! the house of grief, my favourite place! lewyn : there were so many troubled rich people to pickpocket around this area lewyn : you wouldn't believe how easy it was to convince them anything

PASSING BY THE COUNTING HOUSE

lewyn: can we take a quick trip inside? i have some unfinished business there someone saying something along the lines of : you're going to rob a bank, bard? lewyn : good idea i might

PASSING BY THE HOPSCOTCH IN MOONHAVEN

lewyn : one, two, hup -- three, four, five ... wow i almost forgot how fun this game is

[elijones94]

🐘 “Gee, Pop! You forgot to say ‘halt’!” 🐘

[miloscat]

[Review] The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance: Tactics (PC)

A decent tactics RPG if a bit buggy.

The spinoff prequel show to Jim Henson's 1982 fantasy adventure The Dark Crystal was, like the film itself, a brilliant showcase of puppeteering, production design, and worldbuilding. Like many shows on their service, Netflix did not renew it for another series to follow up on its lingering plot threads, but they did at least commission a tie-in game from American studio BonusXP, who had previously made two Stranger Things games for them before shutting down mid-last year. The only other Dark Crystal game was a Sierra text adventure, which got a highly abbreviated browser-based remaster around the time of the show's broadcast.

As an adaptation of the show, the large cast and themes of rebellion and questing lend themselves well to a tactical RPG, although the reality of this game feels a bit restricted, with compact maps and characters usually limited to four or five per stage. This isn't necessarily a bad thing as I appreciated the manageable scope; I don't have a huge amount of experience with this genre but I know how bloated Wesnoth scenarios can get. The setup for this game is square grids with no zone of control, turn order dictated by a dynamic action timeline, and experience and gear gained between levels. On top of equipment customisation, there's a job system where you can shuffle anyone into any role, although they need to get experience in that job to unlock skills and advance to new sub-jobs.

The character roster again could be considered limited, with a final total of 14 selectable characters (although others join as temporary allies in various scenarios). About half are from the show with the others being OCs who fit in well enough. Most of them are Gelfling, who have the most developed job system with three broad categories of soldiers, scouts, and mages who get further specialised as you progress. Apart from them there are two Podlings and two Fizzgigs, who all have a smaller job pool but can usefully fill niches on your team.

The key art depicts the urRu urVa, but they only appear in one mission as an NPC, and the game's store blurb mentions "familiar faces from the classic film" which is just an outright lie, unless they mean broadly the races and creatures of Thra seen in the film... but I won't concede that. Lacking these kinds of surprise bonus characters, a broader array of the show's cast, or other types of creatures for the playable cast like Arathim or Lore, was a disappointment but I have to accept the realities of a likely budget development and to be fair I had loads of possible characters lingering on the bench anyway given the scale of the battles.

My core team was Deet, for me a versatile offense/healing caster, Brea, a strong healer with other utility spells, Hup, who ended up a beast-summoner/debuffer, and Kylan, a dependable rogue-type. In the mid-late game I tried to switch them all into new basic roles to level into the high-end hybrid jobs, but starting from scratch at that point made them all too weak to get by so I just reverted to their existing specialities and went from there. I played on Normal and found the difficulty to be highly variable, some levels being a walk in the park where others kicked my arse. A few missions had specific objectives or required keeping plot characters alive such that they required quite a few restarts, and that's without the crashes...

I do have to mention the state of the game, which will likely never get an update thanks to the shuttering of the studio. At first I tried to run the Mac version, but it crashed on launch without fail. The PC version at least runs, but had a tendency to crash repeatedly during certain missions. This would lose my progress in that level, since there is no ability to save mid-level (which would also have helped in the more demanding scenarios). A couple of times the game also went into a state of intermittent hanging or stuttering, and for a few of the character jobs it would reliably fail to remember my skill choices, so that I would only be able to fill two out of three available ability slots. Pretty frustrating!

The plot of the game broadly follows the show, although it skips quickly through the first half and the pace slows down for the later episode events. But this is fine, as the two mediums are very different and this works for the pace of the game. I liked when things opened up late in the game and there were a lot of sidequests and scenarios that expanded on events unseen in the show, like doing requests for each of the various Gelfling clans to win their support. The enemies consist of other Gelflings who use the same job system you do, Arathim, and Darkening-afflicted creatures, with a few Podlings and Skeksis boss fights thrown in for good measure... I was kind of expecting Garthim to show up, but I guess they really only appear in a late cliffhanger in the show.

In some senses the game works well as a tie-in to the show, but there are limits to how one is able to capture the charms of the puppetry and production design in a budget 3D video game. Apparently the range of movement of the in-game models is accurate to the puppets themselves, but rendering the characters the way they have, while necessary, does lose something, not to mention the world being built of square tiles for gameplay purposes gives the environments something of an artificial feel. You also sadly lose the show's all-star voice cast, as the game is entirely unvoiced. There are nice hand-drawn cutscenes from time to time which I would compare favourably to the better Dark Crystal comics, but they're few and far between.

Given the technical issues I had in my playthrough I find this game hard to recommend, but I did enjoy the customisation, the strategy of the battles, and the little expansions on the show's story. This definitely works best as a supplement to the show though, as it doesn't do much to flesh out the characters, assuming that the player is familiar with them. It's something to treasure in that it's a rare game based on this marvellous but niche Henson property... just don't expect too much.

[smoqueen]

sound design in tekken is 10x better than other fighting games because instead of having to hear SHOOORYUKEN SHOOOORYUKEN TYEEH TYEEEH HUP HUP HADOKEN This is blinding rage...shin shoryuken! i get to hear steve make actual boxing noises and go ‘one two, three four’ during his combinations

[liquid-savage]

Back on Tumblr, oh damn

Inspired by some delightful art based on a character I wrote about some time ago, I decided to give her some love and bring her back for a fun little summer story.

Read on FA or beneath the Read More. Enjoy!

-

It was a cloudless day in the middle of June, and the sun bore down on the idyllic suburban neighbourhood with a vengeance. Those who weren’t preparing for a day at the beach were sunbathing, running through the sprinklers or simply staying indoors to try and beat the heat.

Inside one of the two-storey houses, behind the skirting board beneath the couch in the living room, there was a hole in the wall where Pixie lived.

“I think I’ve let myself go a little,” she admitted, looking in the shard of mirror glass propped against the wall. 

Staring back at her was a rat with chocolate brown fur and a head of darker, long and curly hair. Her massive belly spilled out from her pink T-shirt–which only covered her doughy chest by now–and covered the front of her shorts. She looked over her shoulder, feeling her thick double-chin rub against the shirt collar, and saw that her rather thunderous thighs and bulbous buttocks threatened to tear her shorts to shreds if she made any sudden moves. Even her tail almost looked fatter!

“Man, I am so not beach ready,” she sighed, her round ears drooping. She lifted her stomach in her chubby little paws, giving it a shake and watching it bounce. “I know I can fit through anywhere my head can, but I think this is pushing it!”

She turned herself around with the finesse of an army tank and slowly waddled through her den. The shockwaves sent through the floorboards by her tubby footpaws caused her makeshift furniture, made up of little things she’s stolen from around the neighbourhood, shook and jostled during her wide, awkward gait. Finally, she arrived at her plastic closet and started looking through the outfits she’d pilfered from many a dollhouse.

“Let’s see,” she muttered, digging through the small pieces of fabric, “I know they’re in here somewhere… ah-ha!”

She discarded her shirt and shorts and changed into a spandex onesie that even a rat from the 80s would call dated, and pulled sweatbands over her wrist folds, cankles and forehead. She returned to the mirror and fixed herself with a determined scowl, which lost a bit of its lustre thanks to her chubby cheeks forcing the corners of her mouth closer together.

“Okay, just like on TV,” she said, taking a deep breath. She raised her flabby arms over her head and brought them down to her sides, like she was fittingly flapping those bingo wings of hers. “Hup, down, hup…”

If anyone could see a rodent the size of a grapefruit attempting to exercise, they’d no doubt be either amused or sympathetic. Her massive middle made it impossible to see her toes, let alone get anywhere close to touching them. She just managed two or three squats before her legs nearly gave out, and she felt good about getting four pushups in before realising the ‘up’ part was part of one pushup. She soon ended up on her back, absolutely winded after managing about half a sit-up. Her belly rose and fell as she wheezed for air.

Her ears twitched as she heard a commotion outside. Frantic footsteps, cluttering, and two familiar voices. She rolled herself onto her front and then onto her feet, so she could push open the cracked skirting board a smidge and listen in.

“You sure we have enough?” a man wondered. “I don’t want anyone going hungry.”

“You cleared out the butcher’s, babe,” a woman said flatly. “Even with you around, no one’s going hungry.”

Pixie was intrigued now. Intrigued enough to squeeze herself out of her den and wriggle beneath the couch for a better look. She saw a large human man, round like her, with a much slimmer woman. They were both fussing around the kitchen, and still as unaware of their little roommate as they’ve always been.

“I just want this to go right, Susan,” the man said. “This isn’t just a small group–it’s the whole neighbourhood.”

“And you’ll do fine, Greg,” Susan assured him. “There’s a reason everyone says you do the best barbecues in the city.”

Pixie’s eyes shot wide open. ‘Barbecue.’ One of her favourite words. There was a reason she chose this house in particular to settle down in: the human called Greg loved food as much as she did. He always kept the kitchen loaded up with the sweetest and meatiest things, and every night Pixie would help herself to some cookies and leftovers, leading to her ridiculous rotundity. A fact she seemed to be oblivious to, hence the slobber dribbling down her second chin.

“A barbecue for the whole neighbourhood,” she repeated to herself. “That means a lot of humans… which means a lot of food!”

Her cheeks dimpled from her wide, eager grin as she scurried back into her den. As quickly as it came, her decision to shed some extra ounces went right out the window. She discarded her workout gear and changed back into her T-shirt and shorts, seeming to ignore just how much of a struggle it was to get them on.

“New plan,” she muttered. “Wait until the humans are either gone or asleep, grab as much barbecue as I can, eat till I burst!”

Grrrruuuuuooooowwwlll…

She frowned and rested her paws on her grumbling belly.

“I’ll need to survive until after dark.” She plodded to her makeshift pantry and took out a sugary cracker as tall as she was. “This oughta tide me over, so long as I can make it last.”

With that, she greedily gnawed up half of the cracker.

—

The wait was positively agonising. Poor Pixie could only watch from beneath the couch as humans came and went, carrying copious amounts of burgers, hotdogs and kebabs with them. Watching them dig in and listening to their loud chewing was torturous for the greedy rat. Many times throughout the day she had to fight the urge to risk slipping out for the slightest taste, reminding herself that she might get caught.

But finally, some time after dark, things had gone completely silent. It was time to move.

She popped out from beneath the couch and swivelled her head around. Not nearly as many humans as earlier in the day, and those who were left were fast asleep, some surrounded by those cans she never liked the smell of.She awkwardly waddled on all fours toward the kitchen, feeling her stomach brush the carpet as she went. With it still being rather warm even at night, she was soon relieved to feel the cold kitchen tile on her paws.

She stood upright, her stomach sticking out even more than usual, and her nose twitched. She pointed it up to the counter.

“Up there.”

She lumbered to the drawers and, as she often did, used the handles as a ladder to climb up to the countertop. Though, with all the bulk she was carrying, she found her feet slipping and dangling in the air with her clumsy clambering. A little squeak escaped her when she nearly went toppling down to the floor, but she just about kept her grip.

With heavy gasps, she climbed onto the counter and took a moment to rest. Once she caught her breath, she looked to see what was on offer. Many selections of food were safely stored within tupperware containers and wrapped in aluminium foil. She rubbed her paws together with a gluttonous smirk.

“Sorry, Greg, but I’ve been waiting all day for this!”

She slowly pulled the lid of a container, flinching with each hard pop before she could reach inside. She grabbed a plump sausage and happily gnawed on it until it was gone in record time. She liked grease off her paws before going for the others inside, but stopped herself.

“Don’t fill up just yet, girl–there’s more to enjoy.”

She carefully closed the lid back on and crept up to an aluminium mound, unwrapping the foil to reveal a double-cheeseburger in all its glory. It was as big as she was! When she chomped into it, she was delighted that her nose wasn’t tricking her when she smelled onions inside. Greg never disappointed with his cooking.

An onion-scented burp escaped her maw when she finished the burger, and she rolled the crumpled aluminium ball aside. By now, she could feel the slightest hint of an ache in her tummy, but there was no way she was stopping now. Especially not when she caught a glimpse of what she wanted next. She opened another container and lifted a kebab in both paws. With practised finesse, she spun the skewer and nibbled away at the assorted meats on it. When she was done, she used one end to pick her teeth clean before discarding it.

“Now I’m thirsty,” she grunted, ignoring the growing pain in her stomach as she looked around for something to wash down all that food. Her grease-covered face lit up when she spotted an unopened can of soda on the other side of the counter, and she happily scampered over as quickly as her oversized heft would allow. While stopping to help herself to some of the French fries in a basket on the way, of course.

She used her teeth to pierce the top of the can and, holding onto it with both paws, leaned back until she was toppled over with the can resting on her belly. Keeping a steady pace, she gulp, gulp, gulped down the orange soda, her tail flicking happily at the fizz on her tongue. And with each gulp, her stomach bloated ever so slightly even more.

“Aaahh, that’s better,” she sighed, carelessly tossing the can aside. Her face dropped when she watched it roll over the edge of the counter and clatter loudly to the floor. She rolled into a sitting position and looked around, her ears pricked up. After a moment of silence, she sighed with relief that no one had stirred.

“Maybe I oughta not push my luck,” she decided, forcing herself onto her feet with a groan. She pointed herself to the drawers, then froze. “Are those pork chops I smell…?!”

—

The sun was beginning to rise in the early hours of the morning, but no one was awake to see a giant brown ball squeeze underneath the sofa, nor hear its squeaky grunts and groans as it tried to wriggle its way home.

And even if they were awake, they’d have to move the sofa to see that ball’s backside squirming in a hole in the skirting board.

“Oh c’mon,” Pixie huffed, her paws pushing against the wall she was stuck in. She kicked her feet and flicked her tail. “Rats can… fit through… any hole… their heads can…!”

POP!

“Whoa!” she yelped. The sudden force sent her rolling and bouncing inside, only stopped by the opposite wall. “Yeah, time for some door adjustments…”

She hiccupped and burped as she rolled onto her front, grimacing at her bellyache. Her stomach was packed to the brim with assorted meats, sodas, and even a bowl of melted ice cream as a sweet chaser. Far too much for a rat, even one as gluttonous as Pixie. Of course, despite her stomach being overstuffed and jostled around, a glutton like Pixie had no regrets. She got to enjoy a good meal, and that was what mattered. And now it was time for a nice, long rest.

Her belly dragged on the floor as she pulled herself across the den to her bed: a tissue box with a comfy rag for a blanket and a big wad of cotton for a pillow. She climbed in and rolled onto her back, only to suddenly shift downward as the box collapsed beneath her weight.

“Oof!” she puffed, rubbing her poor aching belly. It gurgled and bubbled uneasily with how much it had been put through. “Easy, girl, we’re hic in bed now…”

A squeaky yawn escaped her, and as her eyelids fluttered, a distant thought came to her. Something about… exercising? Was that it? That didn’t sound right.

Meh, I’ll worry about it later, she thought as she finally drifted off into a deep sleep.

[aneurodivergentmess]

I made a lovely story with my friend about Fireboy and Watergirl

Hup by me & my friend

Chapter one

“Hip” 

“Hup"

"Hup hup hup”

“Hip” he jumped on the platform. It started spinning. “Hip” It was too late. He fell into the green goo and died.

Chapter Two

Speed was key. So she ran.

“HUP!” she ran too far. She fell in the liquid fire. 

She died.

“Hip!” He jumped. Too far. “Hip! Hip! Hip!” A failed attempt to rectify his mistake.

“Hup!” She had seen enough. She jumped to her death. She died.

“Hup!”

She tried to get the diamonds. It was all she cared about. 

“Hup!” An epic failure.

“Hup!” Another epic failure.

“Hup!” And another.

“HUP!”

Finally. The door opened. They ran.

Chapter Three

“Hip”

“Hup”

The chain rattles 

“Hip, hip, hip, hip”

The lever moves

“Hup, hup”

“Hip, Hip, Hip”

*magical door noises*

Chapter four

"Hip"

"Hup"

"Hip"

"Hup"

"Hip, hip"

"Hup

They jumped onto the chains.

She got scared and jumped onto the platform. He fell. She followed. They died.

“Hup”

She jumped on the chains, waiting for him to follow. She waited. She waited. She fell too far. She died.