#huh. said I should make a gifset of just them and while digging in my drafts I found one. funny timing.

[robertphilip]

Listen, it's Giselle. She's under a curse. We have to save her so she can stop this.

[sheikah]

I can't link it but there is this great gifset where Penn basically trashes GG and him being GG. Like "so he was acting shocked when no one was around to see, is he schizophrenic". LOL Penn trashing GG like Robert does Twilight is the best. I wish I could link it. I think I saw it on intostarlight's blog. Love him and his not so subtle shade lol

Damn he really doesn’t hold back huh lol? We love to see it. I couldn’t find the exact post you were talking about but upon doing some digging I found out that he says this more than once lmao. He is OBVIOUSLY super pissed about them making Dan Gossip Girl even while trying to be diplomatic about it. 

And again...

He’s right and he should say it!

Look I didn’t watch the show in any kind of devoted way as it was airing so I wasn’t invested. Doing the watch-through I just did, where I was invested, I went in knowing the “Dan is Gossip Girl” twist. And it makes NO SENSE, to the point that I straight up don’t accept it as canon. And it seems I’m not the only fan who feels this way.

There are articles here and here listing reasons why Dan can’t possibly be Gossip Girl. There is this whole tumblr dedicated to the idea: @whydancantbegossipgirl.

And maybe most damning of all is this bit from this article:

[A]ccording to the show's writer and executive producer Joshua Safran, Dan wasn't the original choice for the titular character who chronicles the lives of Manhattan's elite: it was Nate Archibald!

"I like to joke that Dan was Gossip Girl because I had left the show by then. Dan was not my intended Gossip Girl, so honestly, you'd have to ask someone else," he said. ... “I just had my heart set on Nate." And apparently, before Nate, he thought Serena's brother Eric van der Woodsen should have been Gossip Girl, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

"We worked hard to kind of lay in tiny seeds about it being Eric, and then the NY Post wrote an article saying that Gossip Girl was Eric so we were like, 'We gotta scratch that,'" Safran revealed. "Then one of the writers realized that Nate had never sent a tip in to Gossip Girl, which is true at least through the end of season five. Nate never sent in a tip in through all of those episodes, which is when we're like, 'Oh, well then he's Gossip Girl.'" Imagine if Nate had been able to incorporate Gossip Girl into his newspaper, the Spectator!

So yeah, looking at all the plot holes + how it truly doesn’t match with Dan’s personality, it is an absolutely nonsensical ending. And now we know the writers did it essentially because fans predicted their original choice, so they chose Dan as a fall guy because he was a shocking option. This feels eerily similar to another television disaster...

And why do I even care about this, eight years later? Well, mainly because of You. I keep seeing interviews from the last two years wherein Penn begrudgingly admits that there are similarities between Joe Goldberg and Dan, but those comparisons hinge entirely on how both men are seeming “nice guys” who secretly cyberstalk their girlfriends. But that only holds up if Dan is Gossip Girl. And in my mind, he’s just not lol. No. 

[agent-yolk-writes]

Friends Like You and Us - Venom!Reader - Ch. 4

And we’re back! First AO3, then Quotev, now finally Tumblr! Good thing for post resets.

In today’s episode, we jump straight back to the present to meet the last member of the B-Team. Venom has a plan for once, the Reader is Absolutely Done(tm) physically and emotionally, and what Aunt Mary doesn’t know who her nibling is bringing into their apartment while she’s on a business trip won’t kill her...yet. 

(Nibling is the gender-neutral term for niece/nephew, the more you know)

Note: If you’re using this to teleport to the AO3 version I would like to give a heads up that the italics for some reason stop working when the Reader meets Peni. I don’t know how to fix it, so it be like that sometimes. Enjoy!

Previous Chapter | Start from the beginning | AO3 version

...

Indeed, it did get weirder.

You didn’t realize that the hunt for your next meal took so long. The sun just...got ahead of you. The shadows in this creepy part of the city started stretching, covering everything in its path. You thought your eyes were playing tricks when you saw another pair of Spider-man’s white eyes in the darkness behind Ham. The tingling sensation faded as the shadow started moving, revealing that it was an actual goddamn person.

Despite being a self-proclaimed ‘superhero’ for almost a week now, you aren’t getting paid enough for this.

You rubbed your eyes expecting this weird dizzy spell would go away, but upon opening them again they were still standing there staring at you.

“Don’t worry, I get that all the time.” Ham commented. He eyed his taller companion and nudged him on the thigh. “C’mon man, you can’t just stand there menacingly forever.”

“...”

Should I just go or-

“You got some nerve stealing the glory of someone else’s hard work.” Great, he also sounds familiar. Is this some reunion you didn’t get the memo for?

“Well you certainly can’t leave them here to waste!” You rebutted as you stood up. “Someone’s gotta clean up, and it might as well be us.”

“There’s no us in this, missy.” He rebutted.

“That’s not what I-Ugh, whatever!” You shook your head in your heads in frustration before looking back at them. “Look, we’re not going to get anywhere bickering like this.” You motioned your hands to the two. “You guys are out of place, clearly. Let’s discuss this somewhere else before-“ On cue, the sudden wail of police sirens announced their presence as they block off the only ground entrance out of here. Venom instinctually covered your ears to block out the loud sound. “...that.” You sound of your croak almost sounded not human.

The two looked at each other. While you were right that this isn’t the ideal spot for an interrogation, you’re still not in the clear of their suspicions.

“Alright. Let’s skedaddle then, but you’re not out of the hot seat yet, missy.” The brooding spider detective said, shooting a spider web and letting it pull him up. You couldn’t help but groan, he speaks like a dad in a cartoon.

Ham nudged you deeper into the alley. “C’mon kid. It’s quieter up top.” You could feel Venom trying to dig your heels into the dirt, but at this point, it was too dangerous.

~

Spider-Ham, also known as Peter Porker, was in fact not a pig at first. According to him, he was the spider bitten by a radioactive pig that later became his aunt. He told you not to think about it too much. In his world, everyone has been anthropomorphized into an animal. He works at the Daily Beagle where they work him like a dog trying to sniff out the latest scoop. He was just finishing a fight with a mad scientist lobster before he got snatched between dimensions. The more he talks, the more vocal your thoughts are trying to figure out where have you heard his voice before. A thought passed somewhere about what you might look like in his world.

His black and white companion was Spider-Man Noir, also known as Peter Benjamin Parker, who lived in a monochromic version of Earth in the 1930s. He used to investigate stories for the Daily Bugle and during that time a spider that resided in an exotic statue from Africa escaped and bit him. After the betrayal and death of his mentor Ben (“Not to confuse ya with my uncle Ben, who also bit the dust.” He explained.), he decided to become a P.I. and fight Nazis along the way. You liked this guy already, and yet he also sounds so familiar.

To think just half an hour or so, you were about to metaphorically throw hands and eat heads…

And we still didn’t eat them.

Yea, I’m a bit disappointed too. I’ll make it up later.

Those poor criminals, wasted. Handed to the police before you could even nibble on a finger. If Venom starts to act up like a grumpy child, it’s on them. After the small buzzing in your ears died down, all you’re left with is that dull throbbing in your head that you get with migraines and hunger from both you and your companion. It’s not your fault the universe slapped a literal man-eater on you.

Then again, after the whole exposition dump they piled on you, you felt a little guilty sprinkling your truth with little white lies on top. By the way your companion was treated by his not-so-friendly superhero, you could only assume that it’s mutual throughout the alternative universes. Better play it safe and claim you built your suit out of some nanotech that was laying around...somewhere. You even ‘pulled down’ your mask as a sign of trust.

You regained your focus when Venom used your limbs to jump between buildings to catch up with the eccentric duo. You haven’t really kept in touch with the whole lore of superheroes. They didn’t involve you, so you didn’t get involved. It wasn’t going to be the end of the world if you didn’t reblog five different gifsets of the same skit Tony Stark was in on Sunday Night Live. If they’re taking you to some secret spider cave, then it’s news to you.

Speaking of which,

“Sooo,” You decided to break the ice. “Where...exactly are we heading to?”

“Our own little Hooverville.” Noir answered. “It ain’t much, but it’s the best we got at the moment.”

“Plus we already have someone guarding the helm while we searched for more folks like you!” Ham added.

“You’re telling me there’s another one of you guys?” You held your hands up and counted the total number of spider heroes, not including yourself.

“And together, we make quite a ragtag bunch.” Ham continued on. “Who knew you could make a robot shaped like a spider?”

“Don’t forget the fact it’s small enough for that kid to get in and out with ease and her fingers still intact.” Noir added.

“Who...is this…’person’ you’re talking about?” You questioned, trying not to assume to worse.

“Don’t worry, she’s a sweetheart.” The detective added. “She’s got spunk for someone her size.”

Oh god, Venom.

What?

If this is an actual child I swear-

~

“Welcome back!”

You had to give your eyes a good rub to process what you were seeing. In front of you was indeed a small mecha shaped like a spider. The red and blue metal pieces clash together but at the same time was fitting for something like it. The small figure that was tinkering one of the robot’s legs when you arrived. As they stood up and you finally get a good look at her, you wanted to go apeshit over the fact that, indeed, it’s an actual child piloting a robot. You’ve seen like two movies that basically told you why it’s a bad idea for a kid to pilot a destructive machine in the first place.

You can tell by her appearance alone that she too is from another universe. You couldn’t describe it, but her dimensions seem...rather flat? No, that’s not the right word. Whatever it is, Ham has it too. You thought it was just Ham being Ham up until now since, after all, he's a walking, talking, crime-fighting pig you see in cartoons.

“Hey kid, hope there weren’t any scuffles while we were gone.” Noir was the first to greet her as she ran up to him.

“Nope! It was quiet as a mouse.” Was her response. She peered around his brooding form and met your eyes. Her eyes managed to grow even bigger as she approaches you excitedly.

”Hello! You must be the one we were sensing!” She grabbed your hand, giving it a nice shake. “I’m Peni Parker, and that over there is my robot SP//dr!” As if on cue, SP//der’s faceplate lit up and gave a friendly wave. Out of politeness, you waved back while ignoring the spidey-sense going off threefold.

Peni Parker...Peter “Noir” Parker...Peter Porker...Not to alarm anyone, but you think there’s some kind of pattern going here, and you’re the outlier. Well, at least Gwanda is with you for this one.

”H-Hello, Peni…” God, why are you acting so awkward all of the sudden? ”I’m (First Name), hero name TBA.” You shot your arm out awkwardly, letting the small girl take the reins in the art of the first handshake. You wonder if she can sense your weirdness with that firm grip of hers.

“So, now what?” Ham was the first to break the silence before it got weird. “We’re basically sitting ticking time bombs until we figure out a way to get back home! New kid!” He pointed at you, making you jump at the sudden action. “You got anything new to contribute?”

Shit! Shit! No one told me this was a quiz! Vee!

...We have an idea. Cover us.

Huh?! You have a-

Venom assumed control of your body, shrugging off your backpack to find your phone. Your phone? What could there possibly be on your...Oh! You have...some sort of an idea on what he’s doing! Maybe.

“Actually,” You started, bracing yourself like you’re stalling for time on an in-class presentation. “I heard a rumor the other day online…” Subtly, Venom pulled back the tendrils over your thumb so your phone can scan your print. “Somebody on a high-rise took a picture of the area-passwordiscapitalqwerty-where Spider-Man died. Can’t guarantee that-yesallcaps-you’ll see the body with this quality though.” Now if you can only find said photo if the mods of that subreddit didn’t remove it first. Ugh, this public wifi sucks ass. Who's hoarding it at this hour?

It doesn’t help that your hand is visibly shaking as your phone struggles to detect any pressure from your sweaty appendages and three sets of eyes that are on you expectedly aren't making this any easier. To make sure karma knows it's laughing at you, your phone slipped out of your grip at the most inopportune moment. Your case had taken some beatings in the past, but you know for sure by the sound of the landing that it was time for it to be replaced. You just stood there frozen, wondering when the panic attack kicks in.

Instead, your tingling skin is your only warning before your muscles went out of control. It felt like you were being ripped from the inside out and then being ripped outside in twice fold. The pained garble coming out of your mouth was either coming from you or Venom. It was tough to see with your spotty vision, but it looks like your newly befriended companions were going through this too in various states of pain.

After a few seconds, the out of body experience ended. You know immediately that trying to get up quickly will kick you in the ass right after.

You good, buddy?

Peachy.

Figured.

When you patted around and found your phone, you couldn’t help but grimace at the sight of new cracks branching over your screen.

”Son of a bitch…” You couldn't help but swear out. ”You know what? This would be better if I did this at my place, yeah?” Digging your hands into your face you inhale, waited, and exhale slowly. When you looked up, they were still staring at you with concerned eyes. “What? It’s my first week on the job, can you give me some slack?”

~

While you knew your aunt was a few hours away somewhere upstate you couldn’t help but pray that she doesn’t decide to come back home in the darkness of the night. If Penn Station was closer, maybe you could’ve caused some delays on the Amtrak. Didn’t help that you now have guests sheltering in your apartment clearly not built for four heroes of various sizes that had to get inside through the window. You hope no one in the next building over calls the police. You all even put a tarp over SP//dr, much to the dismay of the robot, to make sure it doesn’t end up on your social media timeline later on. At least Mr. Davis wasn’t there when you unlocked the door manually.

“It’s nothing much, but it’s the best I can do. Make yourself at home.” You didn’t need to say that twice. Almost instantly they go around poking and observing whatever they can. “Can I...get any of you something to drink?”

“An egg cream for me.”

“I’ll take some juice, please!”

“Rum and coke. Shaken, not stirred.”

You have no idea what an egg creme is, there’s only vegetable juice in the fridge, and there’s certainly no alcohol in this apartment. You’ll make it work somehow.

Keyword: somehow.

Do pig-spiders even need to get drunk in the first place? According to Google, egg cream is just a fancy way of saying milkshake. How old are these people exactly?