#huh guess I also had covid during that hell summer too

[aefensteorrra]

feel like finishing my undergrad whilst unaware I was very anaemic, working the whole summer + preparing to start my master's, only starting the 3 month long anaemia treatment like 2 weeks before I started my master's, then doing that has just irreversibly exhausted me? I have not once felt the same mental clarity and lucidity I used to feel before all that happened... however there was also the mould toxicity and pneumonia saga (whilst starting a new job) during the time I was supposed to be resting so it really is not a surprise but I am desparate to feel engaged/awake/alert

[5sos-seavey]

Bothered - Jack Avery

Jack Avery Imagine

Warning(s): some swearing

Word Count: 4741

Summary: The boys try to set you up, but it only infuriates Jack. The boys know this and are tired of him not doing anything about it.

Tags: @kvd963, @baby-bearie, @0totally-tubular0, @katie-avery, @snarkystarkey, @jonahmaraisstuff, @maybe-maybanks, @caswinchester2000​, @kaceyjost​

A/N:  it took a while to get to the good stuff but I’m really proud of this one and I’m lowkey glad it took me a year to finally write it lmao ALSO we’re gonna pretend covid isn’t a thing for this

You had met the Why Don’t We boys through your best friend Ashley, Corbyn’s sister, the two of you had been friends since the Besson’s moved in across the street when you, Ashley and Corbyn were little kids. When the three of you were older Corbyn started hanging out with you and Ashley more, the three of you became inseparable. So when Corbyn and the boys became a band, you were so happy for him and were there every step of the way, as long as Ashley was also there.

When the boys went on their Something Different Tour, Corbyn asked Ashley and you to come along since Jack’s sister, Ava, and Daniel’s sister, Anna, were also coming; Corbyn always saw you as his second sister, so naturally the two of you went along. You were both really excited, of course you had met the rest of the boys and their siblings before but spending the entire summer all together was going to be really fun. Ever since that tour, you, Ashley, Ava and Anna were closer than ever, and would join the boys on tour whenever you could. It would also be important to note that ever since that first tour you joined the boys on, you had a crush on Jack, and it only grew as the years went on and the closer you got with him, and the other boys.

Through the years, you’d been able to keep your crush a secret aside from telling Ashley and Anna. You didn’t want to tell Ava, but after a couple years she ended up finding out from Ashley and Anna slipping up when the four of you were hanging out, “oh my god! You like Jack?!” You obviously couldn’t deny or keep it from her any longer, “yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…are you mad?” “No! Oh my gosh! I mean like don’t tell me the detailed things you like about him,” she laughed, “but I’m sorry you felt like you had to keep it from me!” You sighed in relief, “I’m so glad, it’s been hard keeping this from you for so long. I obviously know nothing could happen because he’s with Gabbie now but, I don’t know sometimes it’s just hard being friends with him but,” you trailed off. The three girls came and hugged you and spent the rest of the night watching movies like you planned.

Just a few months after that happened Jack told you all that him and Gabbie were having a baby. To say that destroyed you was an understatement, but what could you do. You hugged Jack, “I’m so happy and excited for you boy,” the nickname you had for him. He hugged you back, “thank you sweet,” his nickname for you, “I appreciate that so much. I was honestly so scared to tell everyone.” “Just as long as you’re happy and this is what you want,” you pulled away from him and smiled. “Yes Y/N, I’m really happy, and it makes me even happier that the guys and you girls are happy and excited for me too, thank you so much, I love you sweet,” he kissed the top of your head. “Love you too boy,” you gave him another quick hug as Anna approached. “Jack, I’m so happy for you,” she hugged him. “Thanks Anna. I’m going to the other room, you guys coming?” Anna spoke before you could, “yeah sure, we’ll be there in a sec.” Jack nodded and walked away. Anna turned to you looking concerned, “are you okay?” “I mean what can I do?” Anna hugged you and then Ashley and Ava made their way over to the two of you. Before you could keep being sad you turned to Ava with a happy expression, “this is so exciting! You’re gonna be an aunt!” “I know! I’m so excited for Jack. But I’m also worried for you, I wanted to make sure you were okay.” You hugged Ava, “thank you girl, I appreciate it,” you pulled away and continued, “I’m really excited for him, I know he’s always wanted to be a dad, I love that all his dreams are coming true at the same time.” Ashley chimed in, “but how are you?” “There’s nothing I can do, I think I’m just gonna mirror his emotions, if he’s excited, I’m excited, that’s all I can do; be supportive and be happy for him I guess.” Ashley smiled sympathetically at you and pulled you into a hug. You hugged her right back and tried not to cry. You know that you never dated Jack and that he had no idea of your feelings, but you’ve had these growing feelings for the last two years, you love him, and there isn’t anything you could do.

The months went on as the boys did promo for their debut album and upcoming tour, you were so proud of Corbyn and the rest of the boys, this is what they’ve been striving for since their first EP and everything was finally happening for them.

During the 8 Letters Tour, you couldn’t join them because of school, and honestly you didn’t really want to. It was getting closer to Gabbie’s due date and you didn’t think you could handle being with the boys while Jack was always facetiming her and talking about the baby. You were obviously still so excited for the two of them and their families, but you couldn’t put yourself through that. Corbyn had noticed your distance from the boys and questioned you about it, and you, not ever being able to lie to Corbyn, ended up telling him everything, from the beginning to where you were at now. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me, you can tell me anything, always, even if you think it could make me uncomfortable. I’m always here for you no matter what,” he had said to you while holding onto you tightly. You started tearing up a little, “thanks Corbyn, love you. So that’s why I don’t wanna come on tour with you guys this year, especially tour after she’s had the baby and it’s all anyone talks about. I don’t want it to seem like I’m being rude, but I just can’t do it.” Corbyn, still holding you, kissed the top of your head, “you don’t have to apologize Y/N, I understand, and don’t worry, I won’t tell the boys, your secret is safe with me.” You held onto him tighter, “I love you Corbyn, I don’t know what I’d do without you and Ashley.”

The birth was hard for you, but those emotions were quickly pushed aside when you got to see Lavender for the first time. She was definitely the cutest little baby you’d ever seen. You expressed your love and excitement to both Jack and Gabbie, “oh my god guys she’s incredible, I’m so happy for you,” you hugged the two of them. “Thanks Y/N, that really means a lot,” Gabbie said to you smiling while she looked at her baby. Jack pulled you into a hug again, “sweet, thank you so much for supporting us through all of this, it really means the world.” You were released from the hug and smiled at him, “of course boy, this is gonna be such an exciting journey for the three of you.”

When Jack and Gabbie broke up, you wouldn’t say you were happy, you were obviously sad for him because you know they tried hard to make it work, especially for Lav, but in the end it just didn’t work out. He leaned on the boys, his sisters, and you a lot. He found it harder to lean on the boys’ sisters because they were close with Gabbie and her sister, but you were also closer to the boys and their sisters since you weren’t actually family. He found it easier as the months went on and the more distracted he was by being with you and the boys so much. You found yourself hanging out with Jack a lot more than you used to, sure you were closest with him after Corbyn, but you hadn’t ever really been able to spend that much time together because they were either in the studio, on tour or he was with Gabbie or his family. It was definitely a change, but you certainly were not mad at it, you loved spending time with him.

Jack’s POV

“Dude did Y/N just leave,” Corbyn asked. “Yeah, why?” “Wow she didn’t even say bye to her best friend.” “What do you mean she just said bye to me?” “Ha. Ha. Very funny Jack, I’m her best friend here, you can be number two, but I’m number one,” Corbyn laughed, I knew he was joking. I laughed with him, “yeah yeah, I know, no need to rub it in.” He looked at me blankly for a second, so I gave him a questioning look. “How’s everything going man?” I tilted my head, still confused, “what do you mean?” “Just life, stuff in general, how’s everything?” I was still confused but answered him anyways, “It’s fine, same as usual, why?” “Just wondering. When are you seeing Lav?” “This weekend, we can all hang out one day so you guys can see her too. I know you’ve all also missed her.” “Yeah man thanks! That’d be great, I miss the little peanut,” he paused for a few seconds before he continued, “is Y/N gonna come too?” “Sure yeah, I can text her, or you can if you want.” “That’s fine, you can ask her man.” I was confused a little again, “okay…am I missing something here?” “What do you mean?” “I don’t know, you’re being kinda weird man,” I laughed awkwardly. “I was just seeing what you wanted to do when we all see you and Lav, nothing weird.” I side glanced quickly before looking back at him, “okay man, whatever you say.” He smiled at me and then he walked away back to his room.

The next day was just as weird, but this time it wasn’t just Corbyn, it was Daniel, honestly it was all of the boys. So when we were in the kitchen, I said something to them, “okay guys what gives?! Why are acting all strange, yesterday it was Corbyn and now it’s all of you! What’s going on?” The boys all looked at each other before Zach spoke up, “do you have something you wanna tell us?” I looked at them very confused, “huh? What the hell do you mean?” This time Jonah started to talk, “I don’t know, maybe about girls, or one girl.” I was even more confused than before, but Jonah kept talking, “you know it’s okay to feel how you feel, it’s been a while since you and Gabbie broke up.” Correction, now I was more confused than before, “guys I’m honestly so lost, what the hell are you talking about?” Corbyn’s turn to talk, “bro I wouldn’t be mad at you, it’s not a problem at all that you like Y/N, you don’t have to hide it from any of us.” “Woah what? Yeah sure, I like Y/N as a friend, but honestly Corb, it’s nothing more than that,” I couldn’t believe what was going on, “sure we spend a lot of time together now but that’s just because we’ve gotten a lot closer and we have a good time together.” “Jack,” Daniel started, “you don’t have to deny your feelings man, we all just want the best for you.” Jonah started talking again, “alright bro, maybe you don’t realize it yet, but we all can see it, you obviously like Y/N, but if you need some time to see it now that we’ve pointed it out, that’s fine.” Then they all walked out of the kitchen.

Corbyn was the last to leave and he grabbed my shoulder and said, “I’m serious about what I said man, I love Y/N, she’s basically my sister, but you’re also my brother, and I just want you to be happy, however that may be,” and with that he walked out of the room leaving me with my thoughts.

I had never thought about Y/N and I like that. Sure, we hang out a lot and have a good time together, but I had genuinely never thought about that, I didn’t think I could for a while after Gabbie. But I guess thinking about it, and after the boys talking to me, I can kinda see where they’re coming from, and I think they might be right.

Corbyn’s POV

“Do you think he’s gonna realize it now,” Daniel asked. “Man I hope so, or else Y/N is gonna be devastated,” I said to the boys. “Wait what,” Daniel said. “Shit. I didn’t mean to say that, it was supposed to be a secret.” Jonah spoke up excitedly, “wait hold on Y/N likes Jack too?!” Zach piped up now, “bro that’s so good! We have to tell Jack! They could be together!” “No,” I said loudly, “we can’t tell Jack, I didn’t even mean to tell you guys. It’s just me, Ash, Ava and Anna that know.” “Hold on Anna knows? And she didn’t tell me? Damn what a sister.” “I know you’re joking, but Y/N didn’t want anyone to know, she had only told Ashley at first and then Anna, it took her a while to even tell Ava, and then even longer to tell me. She had only told me just as the 8 Letters Tour was about to kickoff. She’s felt this way for like three years.” Daniel spoke again, “damn, I hate that she had to go through all of that then, ya know, all the Jack and Gabbie stuff.” “Tell me about it, I’m glad that she had finally told me, but I hate that she felt like she couldn’t, but at least she had the girls.”

Zach spoke up, “I have an idea.” “That’s never good,” Daniel laughed. Zach rolled his eyes but continued, “what if we make Jack jealous. We pretend to set Y/N up on a date, and, hopefully, Jack tries to stop even the idea of it and ends up telling her sooner than later.” “You know what Zach,” Jonah said, “you might be onto something.” I interrupted, “we just can’t tell her it’s a plan, we have to make it seem like we’re actually setting her up with someone, I don’t want her to know that I told you guys.” “Yeah, that’s fine man, we’ll make it seem real, and when it works out, we’ll tell both of them,” Jonah said. “Hopefully it works,” I said and continued, “he has Lav this weekend and said we can all hang, including Y/N, we should do it then.” All the boys spoke at once, “sounds good,” “I’m in,” “hell yeah.”

Your POV

The day you saw Jack last was Wednesday, and then Thursday afternoon he had called me to come over on Saturday because he had Lav for the weekend and he and the boys would be hanging, and he wanted me to join. You loved how great of a dad he is, it honestly makes me love him more, but you can’t let that get in the way of our friendship and his relationship with his daughter, you know that he’s been working really hard on it since he doesn’t see her everyday like he used to. You loved seeing him in his element, and you love Lavender and missed her just as much as the other boys had, so now you’re on your way to their house to see them all.

When you got there and knocked on the door, Corbyn answered almost immediately and hugged you, “my girl! I missed you kiddo!” you laughed, “you know that I’m closer in age to you than Ashley is right?” “You’re still kiddo, kiddo,” he said, laughing now too, letting you out of the hug and bringing you into the house. “Where’s Lavender?” He nodded his head to follow him further into the house and to the living room where all the boys were. “Y/N,” Jack said excitedly when you walked in with Corbyn. “Hey boy. How’s the little girl?” “Better now that one of her favourite people is here,” he said handing her to you as you sat down. She wrapped her little arms around your neck, you hadn’t realized how much you missed her until now.

“Hey girlie,” you said and kissed her cheeks, which made her laugh. When she let go, she started to grab for Jack, so he took her and smothered her face with quick kisses which kept her laughing. It was one of your favourite things, seeing Jack with his daughter, he was meant to be a dad. Of course, he was meant to make music too, but this, this was something even more amazing, you thought. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Y/N,” Jonah asked you. You shook your head getting yourself out of your thoughts, “huh? Oh nothing.” Jonah looked at you like you were guilty, but you just didn’t pay any mind to it.

It was after dinner when you had arrived, which meant Lav wasn’t going to be up much longer. You and the boys had planned to watch some movies and just hang out since the six of you hadn’t done that in a while. When Jack went to go put Lav down in his room he stopped at the living room entrance, “actually Y/N? Can you put her down while I warm her bottle?” “Oh uh, sure. I can warm the bottle though instead?” “No, no, it’s fine. She’ll be good, I’ll be up in a sec to actually get her to sleep.” You got up from the couch as the rest of the boys had just stared. Were you missing something? Jack gave you Lavender and he went to the kitchen. Before you walked upstairs though, you turned to the rest of the boys, “you guys are weird,” and you turned and walked away. When you got halfway up the staircase you heard the boys whispering but decided to not think much of it.

When you got up to Jack’s room, you didn’t want to put Lav down until Jack was there since he was getting her bottle. Instead you just bounced her around while walking around his room. Lavender wasn’t being fussy, she had her head on your shoulder and you could feel her breathing get heavy, but that’s right when Jack walked in, which make Lavender wake up more than she was. She lifted her head off your shoulder to see who was there and then put it right back where it was before Jack walked in. “Do you want her now? I can go downstairs.” He just shook his head, “no she’s good with you. Here.” He handed you Lavender’s bottle while you continued to hold her, “you can put her down in her bed, she’s good on her own once she has the bottle.”  You looked at him and nodded, put her down in her bed and she reached for her bottle which made you laugh.

Jack’s POV

Dammit. Those damn boys. I was doing fine. Y/N and I are friends. Ever since Wednesday, I can’t get what the boys said out of my head. I knew for sure that when I saw Y/N today I’d know for sure what my feelings were. And well. They were right. Not only seeing her when she walked into the living room, but especially when she was holding Lav. There was no way I could deny it now, especially to the boys. I don’t think I could tell Y/N. I don’t think I could ever risk our friendship by telling her. And what are the odds she even likes me, or would even want to be with me? I’m a dad, and a young one at that. But the way she is with Lavender. She knows how much Lav means to me. The way Lavender seems so comfortable with her too. She was falling asleep so easily in Y/N’s arms. Seeing good Y/N is with her too. No. I can’t convince myself of something when it isn’t even true.

“Jack?” Shit. How long was I out of it? “You okay to go back down with the boys,” she asked whispering. “Oh, uh, yeah. I’ll meet you down there in a sec. I’m just gonna tuck Lav in and read her a quick story.” “Oh okay,” then she leaned down and kissed Lav on the forehead, “goodnight cutie.” Which made Lav smile. Oh god. She’s definitely not making this easy now. Then she turned to me, “we’ll try to pick a movie before you come back down. You know how they are though,” she laughed, which got me to laugh. “Yeah. Okay I’ll be down in a minute.” Then she walked out and closed the door behind her. I took a seat on Lav’s bed, “do you like Y/N honey?” She only just laughed again, which I definitely did not take as a no.

Your POV

When you got back downstairs, you sat next to Corbyn and he opened the blanket he had to share with you. “Jack said he’s just gonna read Lav a story and then he’ll be back down. Any movie ideas?” Corbyn put his arm around you, “we can wait for him. We haven’t seen ya in a few days kiddo, how’s it going?” You laughed, “Corb, I literally text you everyday.” “Yeah but the other guys, I’m sure they’d love to know about your life.” You gave him a weird look, “okay…um I’ve just been at home. I saw Ash yesterday, but other than that, I haven’t done anything.” “I have a question for ya girl,” Zach said to you. “Well maybe I have an answer for you.” Zach laughed, “are you seeing or talking to any boys?” Daniel was raising his eyebrows like he was so intrigued, and Jonah tilted his head in interest. You looked at Corbyn and he shrugged, “um no. Why do you ask, Zach?” “Well we kinda wanna set you up on a date,” Jonah said. I looked at the four boys a few times back and forth, “what? Why? I’m fine.” Corbyn leaned into my shoulder, “I don’t know kiddo, you just haven’t been out in a while.” You gave Corbyn a look that said, you know why I haven’t gone out and the reason is currently putting his daughter to bed upstairs. He widened his eyes and raised his brows, “just hear us out. Please.” You sighed, “fine.”

Just then Jack walked down the stairs and into the living room laughing, “still no movie?” He sat down on the other side of you. “These idiots are trying to set me up on a date,” you said not looking at him. “Oh? And with who?” You and Daniel spoke at the same time, “no clue yet,” “one of my friends.” “Wait which friend,” you asked Daniel. Jack was Daniel’s friend, was it too much to hope. You laughed to yourself. “Yeah what friend? And why wasn’t I part of this plan,” Jack asked. “Well it’s actually one of Kian’s friends, but we’ve become friends too.” “Yeah, we’ve actually been thinking about this for a week. We just didn’t tell the person yet because we wanted to make sure you were cool with this,” Jonah said to me sweetly. “No pressure kiddo. If you don’t want to go out it’s fine.” You shook your head, “you know what, I’m actually down. So who is this person.” Daniel widened his eyes at Corbyn which made you turn your head to look at him, but he was looking at Jack. When you turned to Jack, he had his head down, so you looked back at Daniel, “what? What’s wrong?” “No.”

All the boys and you turned your heads to Jack, who was now looking straight ahead. “Huh? Jack, what to do mean no? What’s wrong,” you asked him, putting your hand on his shoulder. He finally turned to you and he had a sad expression on his face. Was he okay? “Don’t,” is all he said while he just stared at me. “What? Don’t what? Go out?” “Yeah.” The other boys all have excited looks on their faces, but you were too focused on Jack. “Jack. You’re gonna have to give me more than word answers. What’s up with you?” “You can’t go out with him.” He looked at his shoulder where your hand was, and then he was grabbing that hand and your other with both of his. Your eyes widen, “and why not?” You looked you straight in your eyes, only focusing on you, “because I wanna go out with you.”

Your jaw dropped and Zach, Daniel and Jonah got up from their seats and came to Jack and grabbed him and shook him while Corbyn grabbed onto your shoulders and shook you as well and kissed the back of your head. “Woah what’s happening right now?” All the boys started to laugh and Corbyn rested his head on your back and chuckled, “oh kiddo.” Jack squeezed your hands to get your attention. You looked back at him and he was smiling sweetly at you, “sweet. I’m telling you that I like you and I wanna go out with you.” You smiled at him, “I like you too, boy,” which made him laugh.

“It worked,” Zach said excitedly. “What? What worked,” you asked looking confused at Zach. “Well, a few days ago we had a talk with Jack about you and his feelings for you. And then Corbyn let it slip that you liked Jack too, so I came up with an idea to pretend to set you up so Jack could tell you how he feels and then you’d tell him! And guess what? It freaking worked!” You turned around to look at Corbyn who had a guilty look on his face, “you told them?!” “I’m sorry Y/N, it was an accident, but look at what happened! All those years brought you here!” You widened your eyes and Jack spoke, “years?” Corbyn’s eyes widened now too and he mouthed, I’m sorry, and you just shook your head laughing and rolling your eyes. You turned back to Jack, “uh yeah. I’ve kinda felt this way for a few years. Actually, and I don’t wanna freak you out, but I don’t wanna lie to you either.”

Jack grabbed your hands again and smiled, encouraging you to continue, “well guess I’ll say it in front of the guys since Corbyn spilled anyways,” you laughed before continuing, “please, obviously, don’t feel obligated to say anything back. Since I’ve had these feelings for a few years, they’ve grown a bit, so um, I just wanted you to know that uh, I love you boy,” you laughed. Jack had a huge smile on his face, “that means so much, sweet. I can’t say that yet, but I want to one day, soon. But I do wanna tell you that I love so much about you, but I think what I love most about you is how you are with Lav and how much you care about her, and she loves you so much too.” You saw Jonah tilt his head towards the living room entrance and he got up to leave with Daniel and Zach following behind, and you looked back at Corbyn. He was smiling at you, “I’m happy for you kiddo,” then he got up, kissed your forehead and turned to Jack, “be nice to her.” The two of them laughed and Corbyn patted him on the back.

The second Corbyn walked out, Jack attacked you with a hug and now he was laying on top of you, both of you laughing. The two of you just laid there with your back to him while he held you for a while just talking about anything and everything. Then Jack got serious for a second, “I’m sorry I was oblivious for so long.” You turned to face him and smiled, “do not apologize, who knows what would’ve happened if I had told you all those years ago. I am so happy with how everything worked itself out.” He just smiled back at you and then finally, he kissed you.

[peach-pops]

Hello, I am in the middle of an incredibly difficult semi immersion program(semi bc covid has it online)it’s been incredibly mentally exhausting.I am like minutes away from tears at any moment and would love some reassurance.i do see that requests are open.If you have a moment could you write a fic where perhaps Kuroo or Tsukishima are reassuring you that you are doing enough and that you are enough. Perhaps finding you in your room surrounded by your work. Sorry to bother you have a nice day

I’m sorry you’re going through a lot :( I know school is so emotionally/physically draining but I swear you will get through this program in one piece! I believe in you! My best advice is always just to take a step back, even if it’s more a few minutes, to just lay down, listen to music, shower, or stretch. It never cures me 100% but sometimes, even stretching helps me .001% more. 

This also felt very self indulgent because my first summer term just ended and I cried so much. No shame! 

Tsukishima Comforting his Stressed S/O

In your whole educational career, you had never felt this type of distress before. School was meant to be challenging but at this point, you were more overwhelmed and you were sure you were close to losing your sanity.

The deadlines on your whiteboard calendar were painful reminders on how far you were behind and even after you had flipped your calendar around so you wouldn’t be reminded of it, your laptop kept sending notifications from your classmates asking if anyone had finished taking the notes and what chapters they were supposed to read for the week. 

You had already pulled two all-nighters and even though you were halfway through your fourth cup of coffee, you knew you couldn’t hang in much longer. Nonetheless, you had deadlines to make so you continued on with your work tiredly. 

Your phone rang through your room and you turned your head to look at where the sound was coming from but your room, which was littered with a year's worth of coursework and textbooks, was scattered across your bed and your carpet. 

You knew it was somewhere within the rubble of hell but you moved your eyes back to your screen. You had guessed that it was Tsukishima since you had explicitly muted everyone else in your contacts beside your boyfriend but you figured if it was important enough, he would call again. 

A few minutes later, you could hear the front door to your house opening and a pair of footsteps walking towards your door. By the sound of bare feet hitting the floor, you could tell right away who it was yet you kept your eyes on your screen, trying to make sense of whatever you had been writing for the past ten minutes.

Tsukishima pushed open your door, causing a tide of papers to push towards the side of your bed. His eyes scanned over your room and he carefully looked at you as you slumped over your desk. He knew you could handle stress fairly well but this was a different story. 

You looked like you had gone to hell and back, your hair disheveled and your eyes were almost bloodshot as if you had been crying. Just from watching you, he knew you needed a break but at the same time, he felt like he had to tread carefully. 

“ It smells like death in here, when was the last time you showered?” Tsukishima asked as he wrinkled his nose at how your room had looked like a cyclone had haphazardly rushed into your bedroom. 

“ Mhm,” You hummed, half-listening as Tsuki closed your bedroom door behind him and carefully stepped along your floor,” watch the floor.”

He made sure not to step on any of your coursework that was spread out but it was difficult since he couldn’t even see a square centimeter of any bare space along the floor. 

He made his way over to you and stood over your shoulder, squinting down at your screen as you continued to type your thesis. 

“ I think you should take a break, when was the last time you slept?” Tsuki asked as he eyed the empty mugs of coffee beside your desk. 

You looked at the clock that was perched up beside a photo frame of you embracing Tsukishima during a Christmas party and moved your eyes back to the screen,” About sixty hours ago.”

“ You idiot, you’re gonna drop dead if you don’t rest,” Tsuki said plainly as he shook his head at you,” lets nap together and then after, you can get back to work.”

You rubbed your tired eyes as you rested against the palm of your hand. You didn’t know why your eyes were leaking with tears but you wiped them away and closed your eyes,” I can’t. I need to finish this thesis by tomorrow and I still have so much to do.”

“ It will be there when you get back.”

“ I can’t stop. You don’t understand how important this paper is for my overall grade! I’ve been pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into this class and I’m still struggling to even make the deadlines! I don’t think I’m smart enough to-”

Tsukishima grabbed the top of your chair and spun you around so you could face him since it was the only way you could tear your eyes off your laptop screen. Tsuki kneeled down so he was eye level with you, starring back at your tired eyes. 

He knew you were hardly ever this stubborn with him but even so, he wasn’t going to give you a pass and let you bash yourself over your own abilities. 

“ You and I both know you’re smart enough, why would you say something like that? You can’t beat yourself up over these stupid classes, I won’t let you. You’re acting like this cause you’re overworking yourself Y/N, take a break.” 

“ I told you I can’t-”

“ For me. Can you please take a break for me?” Tsuki sighed as you stared straight back at him. 

Tsuki wasn’t known to ever be outwardly caring towards you but he had his own ways in showing you that he always worried about you. You took one last look over your shoulder at the thesis you still had to type and back at your boyfriend before nodding,” Just a small break.”

“ Okay, a small break,” Tsuki said as he rested his hand against the back of your head to pull you in closer so he could kiss your forehead,” go shower first. I don’t want to cuddle with you when you smell like shit.”

“ Gee thanks, you sure know how to cheer me up,” You grumbled, even though your eyes had nothing but relief behind them. 

Once you stepped into the shower, you closed your eyes and let the hot water pour down your body, your muscles relaxing into the steam. All you could think about as you scrubbed your hair and body with soap was how drained you were, mentally and physically. 

You had spent almost fifteen minutes in the shower before you remembered you had Tsuki waiting for you in the other room. After you finished showering and changed into a clean set of pajamas, you quietly walked back into your room and opened the door to find all of your papers and books that were scattered across your floor put away neatly to the side of your dresser. 

The mugs of coffee and your trash from all of the instant noodles you had been eating for the past two days were gone and your bed was clear of any signs of coursework. The only thing on your bed was your bedsheets and your boyfriend, who was already laying down on one side of the bed. 

Tsuki looked up from his phone and smirked up at you,” Sure took you a long time to wash off the smell huh?”

“ Oh my god Kei, I didn’t even smell that bad,” You huffed as you pulled the blankets back and sank into your mattress,” but thank you for coming over and cleaning up for me. You’re the best boyfriend in the world.”

“ Tell me something I don’t know,” You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth in annoyance but Tsuki only chuckled softly,” I’m just teasing you big baby, I’m glad I could help...I hate it when you overwork yourself as if you need to prove something to everyone else.” 

You pulled the blankets up to your chin and turned to face him as he took off his glasses and rested them against your nightstand,” I know you’re right but it’s so overwhelming. I guess it’s just easy for me to think I’m not enough when everyone else in the class is doing so well while I’m falling behind.” 

Tsuki wrapped his hand around your back and pulled you into his chest, inhaling the familiar scent of your shampoo. He sympathized with you, he truly did. He wasn’t a stranger to feel like he was never enough or doing enough to get through life but seeing someone he cared about go through the same thing only hurt him more. 

“ Stop thinking like that. You’re more than capable and you’re the smartest person I know, there’s no need to feel like you’re not enough because you’re more than that. You’ll always be enough,” Tsuki said as if he had been preparing that line just for you,” we can talk more later but just go to bed...I’m tired too.” 

You could feel yourself already lulling to sleep and as you tried to fight against it, Tsuki made it only harder for you by massaging the back of your head with his fingers. You sighed deeply into his chest and rubbed your cheek against his shirt, succumbing to his touch,” I love you.” 

“ I love you too.”

[bobasheebaby]

100 Buffy Prompts

I had a lot of fun compiling this list. I was cracking up more than once and now I want to binge Buffy. If there is a show you want let me know because these seriously help me shut of my brain during this covid hell.

1 “NAME, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it. This is never good.” – Buffy Summers

2 “I just want to be alone and quite in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don’t even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one.” – Buffy Summers

3 "They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.” – Buffy Summers

4 “I don’t know what’s coming next. But I do know it’s gonna be just like this – hard, painful. But in the end, it’s gonna be us. If we all do our parts, believe it, we’ll be the one’s left standing.” – Buffy Summers

5 “I don’t handle rejection well. Funny, considering all the practice I’ve had, huh?” – Xander Harris

6 "Just because you’re better than us doesn’t mean you can be all superior.” – Xander Harris

7 “I’m leaning towards blind panic myself.” – Rupert Giles

8 “Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you’ll just have to pick it up yourself.” – Rupert Giles

9 "With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder that there's room for my brain." – Spike

10 "Oh, I don't know. Looking in the mirror every day and seeing nothing there...it's an overrated pleasure.” – Angel

11 "Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open it's jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have?" – Angel

12 "Anyway, for real now, I'm gonna ask you something, and you gotta promise you'll be honest and not spare my feelings just 'cause I could kill you. You promise?" Faith

13 "You gotta give me something to do. There's no way I'm sleeping. Don't you need anyone dead? Or maimed? I can settle for maimed.” – Faith

14 "You know, I honestly don't think there's a human word fabulous enough for me.”- Glorificus

15 “I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I’m ready. I’m cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m — or enjoy warm, delicious, cookie me, then that’s fine. That’ll be then. When I’m done.” — Buffy Summers

16 “Seize the moment, ’cause tomorrow you might be dead.” — Buffy Summers

17 “The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live.” — Buffy Summers

18 “No weapons. No friends. No hope. Take all that away and what’s left?” “Me.” — Angelus & Buffy Summers

19 “Don’t you have an elsewhere to be?” – Cordelia Chase

20 “God! What is your childhood trauma?!” – Cordelia Chase

21 “Gee, can you vague that up for me?” – Buffy Summers

22 “I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.” – Xander Harris

23 “I don’t know what your problem is, what your issues are. But as of this moment I officially don’t care.” – Xander Harris

24 “You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren’t you?” – Cordelia Chase

25 “I mock you with my monkey pants!” – Oz

26 “Funny how preparing looks an awful lot like sitting on your ass.” – Spike

27 “That’s fairly freaksome.” – Oz

28 “Do you have any tact at all?” – Giles

29 “I’ve known you for two minutes and I can’t stand you.” – Spike

30 “Great. Now I’m gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.” – Cordelia Chase

31 “You didn’t happen to take a lot of drugs, did you?” – Willow

32 “I’ve seen honest faces…they usually come attached to liars.” – Willow

33 “Can I be blind, too?” – Xander

34 “Gee, I hope I’m not interrupting anything really depressing.” – Riley

35 “And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear.” – Anya

36 “This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.” – Spike

37 “We’ve got to face it, we’ve changed. Well, not you—you’re still sadistic and self-centered.” – Giles

38 “Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is ask for help when you need it.” – Giles

39 “Did everybody have their Crazy Flakes today?” – Xander

40 “Do you love me?” “What?” “Do you?” “I love you. I don't know if I trust you.” “Maybe you shouldn't do either.” “Maybe I'm the one who should decide!” — Angel & Buffy

41 “Six a.m.!" NAME cried. "I know that's a number on my clock, but I've never actually been awake to personally witness it!” — Xander

42 “Bored now.” — Vampire Willow

43 “We’ll go be heroes.” — Spike

44 “You have a plan?” “I am the plan.” — Giles & Buffy

45 "Strong is fighting. It's hard and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together." — Buffy

46 "I make it through this and the next thing and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready." — Buffy

47 "You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. NAME, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live, for me." — Buffy

48 "Make your choices. Are you ready to be strong?" — Buffy

49 “Weird love’s better than no love.” — Buffy

50 “The who having wha with huh?” — Buffy

51 “Whatever you choose, you’ve got my support. Just think of me as… as your… You know, I’m searching for supportive things and I’m coming up all bras. So, something slightly more manly, think of me as that.” – Xander

52 "A lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful, they can be painful." Angel

53 "To forgive is an act of compassion, NAME. It's-it's... it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it." — Giles

54 "In the end, we all are who we are, no matter how much we may appear to have changed." — Giles

55 "I don't have time for vendettas. The mission is what matters." — Buffy

56 "I don't want to protect you from the world. I want to show it to you." — Buffy

57 "Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?" — Buffy

58 "Recognizing power in another does not diminish your own." — Joss Whedon

59 “Out. For. A. Walk… Bitch.” — Spike

60 “You can’t see the stars, love. That’s the ceiling. Also, it’s day.” — Spike

61 “Is everyone here very stoned?” — Spike

62 “I feel safe with you.” [Chokes] “TAKE THAT BACK!” — Dawn & Spike

63 “I love you.” “Oh, my god.” “Hey, no. Look at me. I... love you. You're all I bloody think about... dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, NAME. I'm drowning in you.” — Spike & Buffy

64 “Just... give me something. A crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me maybe, someday there's a chance” “NAME ... the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.” “Oh, wha-“ [screams, then shouts]  “What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody men/women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?” “Which question do you want me to answer first?” — Spike & Buffy

65 “You can't deny it. There's something between us.” “Loathing. Disgust.” — Spike & Buffy

66 “Could do without the laugh track, NAME.” “But it's so funny. I knew... before you did. I knew you loved the NAME. The pixies in my head whispered it to me.” — Spike & Drusilla

67 “Damn right I’m impure! I’m as impure as the driven yellow snow.” — Spike

68 “I love you.” “No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it.” — Spike & Buffy

69 “This with you, it’s wrong. I know it. I’m not a complete idiot.” — Spike

70 “You always hurt the ones you love, pet.” — Spike

71 "When I say ‘I love you,’ it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are." — Buffy

72 "I’m just gonna go home, lie down, and listen to country music. The music of pain." — Buffy

73 "I have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to be love." — Buffy

74 "Weird love's better than no love." — Buffy

75 “People don’t fall in love with what’s right in front of them. People want the dream — what they can’t have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.” — Buffy

76 "Trust is for old marrieds, NAME. Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes." “Until there's nothing left. Love like that doesn't last." — Spike & Buffy

77 "This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you...you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after" — Angel

78 "I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop" — Angel

79 "If I may suggest, ‘This time it's personal.’ I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic." —Oz

80 "Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make your friend NAME jealous, or even the score, or something. And...that's on the empty side. See, in my fantasy, when I'm kissing you, you're kissing me. It's okay, I can wait." — Oz

81 "NAME’s our friend...except I don't like him/her.” — Xander

82 "What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex ... Help! Four times five is thirty ... five times six is thirty-two ... Naked girls. Naked women ... Naked NAME ... Oh, stop me!" — Xander

83 "Man, NAME! My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta' get me a life!" — Xander

84 “NAME. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?” “As defending champion, you nervous?” — Cordelia & Buffy

85 "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass." — Cordelia

86 “Oh please. Like shame is something to be proud of.” — Cordelia

87 “I’m going to give you some advice: get over it.” — Cordelia

88 “Oh, and you’re welcome.” — Cordelia

89 “I’m not a sniveling little cry-NAME. I’m the nastiest guy/girl in PLACE history. I take crap from no one.” — Cordelia

90 “I think it. I say it. It’s my way.” — Cordelia

91 "I don't like spiders, okay? Their furry bodies, and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway? I'll tell you - for crawling across your face in the middle of the night." — Willow

92 "I don't want danger. Big 'no’ to danger.” — Willow

93 "Let's get this straight. I don't understand it. I don't wanna' understand it. You have gross emotional problems. And things are not okay between us." — Willow

94 "NAME, I got so lost." "I found you. I will always find you." — Tara & Willow

95 "But you like him/her, and when you think about him/her, you get that good down-low tickle, right?" — Faith

96 "You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient." — Faith

97 "Just relax ... and take off your pants." — Faith

98 "I am, you know." “What?" “Yours." — Tara & Willow

99 "I don't have time for bondage fun." - Buffy

100 “It's fine, I don't need to be snuggled.” — Willow

[thornheartcat]

Quarantine Anime Binge Reviews!

So like everyone else I’ve been bored out of my skull social distancing and not getting my life together like I’d planned to this year so I’ve been binging the FUCK out of a bunch of anime from my backlog and I would like to offer my reviews! I’ll probably keep doing this until I either get sick of watching anime (which will be never probably) OR this whole COVID thing blows over LOL

All five seasons of Symphogear: This is my show, this show was made for me. It’s got everything I could ever personally want. Please refer to the list here.

Toji no Miko/Katana Maidens: Really fun! Cute girls with cool weapons fighting monsters and/or each other is my shit and it did not disappoint! It actually took a huge left turn from where I would’ve expected it to go in just the first episode and it would deserve props for that alone, but it’s p good just in general. If you like sword lesbians you can’t go wrong with this one!

Yuuki Yuuna wa Yuusha de Aru: Yuusha no Shou/Yuuna Yuuki Is A Hero: Hero Chapter: FINALLY got around to finishing this one! I should also finish reading the Wakaba Nogi and Mebuki Kusunoki light novels during quarantine LOL anyway this season was a little rushed on account of how half of it is actually Sumi Washio Is A Hero (which I assume is just the movie footage cut into anime episodes?) but it was a good conclusion and I can’t wait to return to the world via the novels.

Ano Natsu de Matteru/Waiting in the Summer: A really really sweet romance anime about a guy and the hot alien chick who accidentally almost killed him when she crash landed on Earth trying to make a movie with his dumb friends. Hit all the right notes of comedy and drama and generally has a really comfy feeling about it. I really related to Kanna but Lemon-senpai is DEFINITELY best girl.

Vividred Operation: Boy this show sure existed huh? Honestly if it wasn’t for the occasional nip shot (on the Blu-Ray versions of course LOL) and the NIGH CONSTANT focus on underage asses you could mistake this one for a kids show. Honestly those aforementioned elements probably should turn me off more than they did but I can’t help but have some affection for a show where a godlike being is defeated by a fusion of two cute girls punching it out with the Power of Friendship.

Both seasons of Rinne no Lagrange/Lagrange: The Flower of Rinne: You wanna see a lesbian OT3 pilot mechs? Cause it’s right here and it’s great! The character and mech designs are great, the backgrounds are aesthetic af, the music (courtesy of Swedish anime composer/weeb living the dream Rasmus Faber) is fantastic, and there’s a real sort of subtlety to the storytelling (if not necessarily the story itself, if that makes any sense). Check out the first OP and ED and if any of this looks appealing give it a try. Jersey Club Spirit forever!

Mahou Shoujo Ikusei Keikaku/Magical Girl Raising Project: Listen, I am a magical girl expert. I’ve seen so goddamn many magical girls. And I too am kind of getting sick of the whole shitty dark and gritty magical girl trend that was birthed in the wake of Madoka like Watchmen birthing shitty 90s comics. BUT. Of all of those that I’ve seen that truly fit that label (ie NOT SYMPHOGEAR OR YUUNA YUUKI those aren’t actually that edgy and have their own distinct identities thank you very goddamn much), this is definitely the best. It was not just 100% torture porn like several other entries in this subgenre (I’m lookin at you Magical Girl Site and Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka) but actually had like. A plot, and characters and shit. There was like, foreshadowing, and I managed to actually give at least half a shit about most of these people, so most of their deaths actually meant something. I wouldn’t super recommend it or anything but I didn’t feel like it was a complete waste of my time which is more than I can say for other such shows. Also, Top Speed is best girl and Swim Swim can burn in hell and I will not be hearing otherwise to either of those statements.

I shall return in I guess like a few weeks? However long it takes me to watch enough stuff to feel like it warrants another post.

[useyourwordspodcast]

Seasonal Affective Disorder - S.A.D

"If we can talk about sexuality, sexual positions, and sexual preferences out in the open without squirming, without any shame, then why the hell can we not talk about our own mental health. On things that may impact whether we live or die! Because were too ashamed to talk about it."  -- Paul

Here in Wisconsin we are getting close to having our second season, winter. We have endured the months and months of construction - but thanks to Covid that season has been more of an irritation instead of an inconvenience. I guess even Covid has it’s silver lining huh?

This week Aaron and myself talk about mental health and the impact that S.A.D. has had on both of our lives, and the current impact it is having on Aaron’s. Sometimes S.A.D. appears as just wanting to sleep more, but it can also have the same symptoms as depression up to and including suicidal ideation. S.A.D. is not something to be taken lightly, but it is also not something to immediately freak out about if one of your family/friends is diagnosed/dealing with it. S.A.D. is a very common diagnosis actually according to the Mayo clinic , with over millions of people diagnosed yearly in the United States, with some estimates putting it at 4% - 6% of the population being impacted by this yearly - with 10% - 20% of the population experiencing mild S.A.D. symptoms. Putting that into perspective 4% of the United States Population is close to 13.2 million people annually who deal with this medical condition. If you took the higher end 20% of the population, that brings the total U.S. population dealing with some form of S.A.D. up to 65.6 million.

Let that number sink in for a minute. 65.6 million people each year potentially deal with some form of S.A.D. that impacts them in some way. Now just because someone is dealing with S.A.D. does not mean that they are themselves suicidal or in any way in threat of hurting themselves - though it is possible. What this means is that annually, we have millions of people who are suffering alone and trying to make it through the winter to times when we have more sunlight to help them stave off the effects of this disease. Like it’s “big brother” depression, S.A.D. is something to keep an eye on and know the symptoms of and how to help others dealing with it - because more than likely someone you know is attempting to deal with this disease in some way.

So how do you help your friends/family that are dealing with S.A.D. - especially if it’s not diagnosed? More ideas can be found at the links below.

Encourage them to go outside if possible, or at least open a window to let in natural sunlight.

Encourage them to get some exercise.

Encourage them to talk to their doctor to get officially diagnosed.

Check in with your friends that are “feeling blue” during the winter months to make sure they are doing well.

I have been pretty open on the podcast with my struggles regarding my own mental health and the journey to get better. I have been a big advocate for working to drop the stigma attached to mental health, especially after seeing the reaction of some of the people in my own family and it is refreshing to see others taking up the mantel as well and bringing these conversations to the forefront. This is the first time that Aaron has been as open as he has on the podcast regarding his own mental health issues - specifically S.A.D. and how it has impacted him these past years.(Way to go Aaron!)

I have been frustrated by multiple people due to the fact that whenever mental health is brought up, a lot of people immediately stop talking - almost like the conversation is an “impolite” topic to discuss in “civilized” conversation. But those same people may then go into a long discussion about their date the other night and all the things they may have done sexually with the other person - and yet the concept of talking about mental health is considered taboo.

Part of the goals of our Podcast is to no longer let specific topics be “taboo” for “polite” conversation - and sometimes we do well at it and sometimes not so well - but we are working on it each and every week.

One of the things that Aaron brings up is the song Sometimes by Skillet and while it may not have originally been written regarding mental health how it fits perfectly with how we feel at times when we don’t want to necessarily get better mentally and get over what is going at the time. The lyrics are powerful - and I recommend you listen to the song and read the caption for the lyrics from the final chorus to understand the portion that both of us talk about in the episode.

As far as people being more open about these things, someone I know recently created a Facebook group for those in the construction/trade industries dealing with various mental health issues. You should check out their page - https://www.facebook.com/HardTalksInHardhats/ and join in the conversation especially if you are in the construction/trade industries. While you are on Facebook - go ahead and check out and like our page as well at https://www.facebook.com/UseYourWordsPodcast You can also ensure that when your friend/family is talking about any issues they may be experiencing this winter - especially in the time of covid - that you listen to them and understand and if the issues of mental health start to come up, don’t shy away from those conversations. Lean into them - hard.

Links:

https://www.facebook.com/UseYourWordsPodcast

https://www.facebook.com/HardTalksInHardhats/

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20364651

https://www.healthline.com/health/summer-SAD-is-all-too-real#triggers