#httdio

[cobaltsoulsearcher]

Okay deeply apologize for the length of this individual analysis and if I get anything wrong BUT

I felt represented by that song in a way no other autism media has before,

Because so often autistic people are seen as needing structure and control but it’s terrifying

Terrifying that the world is so not-made-for-us that we only feel safe in such a limited space

Everything under control can mean so much—can mean agency, can mean help, can mean stagnation, can mean limits—but above all it means safety

And it sucks so many autistic people don’t have this safety—have caretakers or medical situations that take control from them, or a level of disability that means they can’t be or are perceived as unable of being in control—but even for us lucky ones who the world accepts more and who have been aided to face the world in controlled environments, there’s still a disconnect. We still can’t live freely in this world; we have been trained to control ourselves to fit in it, to limit ourselves to what STAYS under control.

It doesn’t feel like an accomplishment to hide parts of yourself to seem different from other members of a group you’re a part of, even if you’re praised for it.

Drew hasn’t figured all of it out, yet, but the song is about lateral ableism—about how systems of oppression hurt the model minority—as much as it is young people wanting an adventure. It’s about fighting to be yourself in a way that isn’t a patronization.

Saying maybe I don’t need to be controlled is terrifying and radical.

“be the poster child for ‘if he can then you can!’” hits me like a fucking brick every time