#hq chp 394

[eurydicees]

sakusa is so interesting like imagine you're one of the best aces in the country in only your second year of high school, and there are all these expectations on you, and you live in a constant state of anxiety that you're going to get hurt or injured or be sick, or anything that will make you lose your spot as one of the best--after all, what worth do you have if you aren't the best? and you work hard and train hard and you do everything right--as methodic and dedicated as you can be--but then you watch one of the other best aces, one of your friends, lose his final shot at nationals because of a team you've barely heard of before, and you just know that that could be you one day, because there is an entire country's worth of players who want to take your spot.

and then you get to nationals and you've done everything right, you've clung to your title among the best in japan, but your team loses anyways. and you don't want to be pitied when your captain's injury was ultimately an accident and unpreventable, but you don't understand either, because you may be a realist but you're also sixteen and you lost at the thing you were supposed to be the best at. because ultimately, you were lucky. you have a great team, you have strong muscles, you have a drive to win. but who knows how long those things will last. how long can one person be the best? and you don't ever want to be pitied for losing that title. but maybe the only way to avoid others' pity and grief is to never lose.

and then you grow up and you know--for sure, now; it's something coming eventually, you know--that these things will not last forever. but you still: you had them. you worked for them, and you were strong, and you had them. everyone has their ideal games and ideal ways to go out of the sport--because eventually, there will be a last game. but if you can keep working hard, keep training, keep doing things methodically and truly and with all your devotion and dedication, won't that make it all satisfying when it ends anyways? there's nothing to pity about that ending, really, is there? when you've devoted yourself to something, when you've done your very best, when you have loved something?

aren't you one of the lucky ones? to get to do that?

and then people like. completely reduce you to being sexy and atsumu's miya's boyfriend.

[eurydicees]

regrets: chp 97 vs chp 291 vs chp 394