#howibecameawitch

[serpent-and-crow-blog]

First post: my witchy origin story

Hello, and welcome! I’m approaching a major milestone in my witchcraft practice and it’s been causing me to reflect on where I have been and all that I have done. The journey has been quite amazing! I feel called to share my story with anyone who may come across it here, so thank you for taking your time to read it.

This Mabon marks 20 years since I dedicated myself to my Craft. 20. Freakin’. Years. I can’t believe it. My witchy self can vote, and next year can legally drink in the United States. My how time flies! In 1997 I was a senior in high school, people were just starting to really get on the internet, and Harry Potter had just been published (I know many of you can’t imagine a world without the internet and Harry Potter, but I lived through those dark times, believe it or not). I rushed home after class to perform my ritual before my mother got home from work. I had everything ready to save as much time preparing as I could -- I only had a couple hours before she got home. I set up my altar in my living room a la Scott Cunningham’s “Guide for the Solitary Practitioner,” started a Gregorian chants CD for a little ambiance, lit some candles, cast my circle, and dedicated myself to Goddess and God. My dog watched me from the hallway, inquisitive as ever. I was happy to have a witness! 

This wasn’t the very beginning of my journey with the Craft, though. I can’t claim to be a hereditary witch, but I definitely had some familial influences. I remember I was 5 when my aunt visited me at my grandmother’s house and taught me how to read playing cards to tell the future. Her father, my grandfather, had a crystal ball and showed interest in other topics of the occult. He was the one who taught my aunt how to read the playing cards, and she taught me, so I feel like I learned from him. Since he died when I was nearly 3 I never got to know him (my first memory is his funeral), but I feel like he’s been there to teach me. My grandmother was into astrology and would always send my horoscopes. New Age stuff was very comfortable to me growing up!

I was always doing “spells” as a child. Looking back now, it was a lot of sympathetic magick to draw things to me, mostly love. I’m an only child, my father left when I was 2, my mother was emotionally absent (frequently physically absent), and I was always trying to adapt to my surroundings to feel accepted and loved. Once I tried to get a boy to love me (or at least notice me) by wrapping a sheet of paper with their name drawn 1,000 times (or so) around a condom and putting it under my pillow. We don’t need to go into all the reasons that that was a terrible idea, but that’s what I was trying to influence in my life. I just wanted someone to love me. I didn’t know what love really was, or what it really meant, but that’s what I was reaching out for.

When I was 13 I was shopping at a bookstore with my grandmother. We were looking through the astrology section, I think the horoscope books for each sun sign for the year had just come out or something. At the end of the astrology books began the metaphysical section. I remember just reading down the line, and finding Raymond Buckland’s “Practical Candle Burning Rituals.” I looked through it and it was what I had been looking for all my life (again, I was 13)! It had “rituals” for creating talismans and drawing luck, prosperity, and yup, love, into your life. My grandmother bought me the book and over the weeks I cobbled together candles and candle holders to perform my first “ritual.” I remember I had everything laid out on a giant piece of Styrofoam that I set into my closet (nothing hanging above the candles, I wasn’t that big of a dummy!) behind my bedroom door, so if my mother opened the door to my room, she wouldn’t see my Styrofoam altar (she wasn’t brave enough to ever fully enter my room). I tried my first “ritual” to bring love into my life, moving 2 red candles closer together every night until they touched. I can’t say it ever worked, but it was my first attempt at studying magick. 

I told my best friend at the time about my book and she liked the idea of making talismans. So we made a couple lucky charms out of our necklaces that we wore everyday. One day she she told some of our other friends at school that we could make talismans for them, and I was mortified! I didn’t want anyone to know this about me than her! We never agreed to keep it secret, but in my head it was implied. But I rolled with it, and my friends either thought it was silly or gave us something to make into a talisman. It wasn’t too big of a deal, at the time.

That was my only book on magick for a while. I got more into astrology and focused my attention there. And then the internet happened. I got online, discovered chat rooms, and nothing was the same! I met a boy online when I was 16. He didn’t live too far from me, so we began to hang out, and then date. He had all these books on Wicca and Celtic reconstructionism. I borrowed all of them from him, and with my newly obtained driver’s license, made regular trips to the library where I would look through all the books with a Dewey decimal starting with 299. 

I also found a chat room on AOL called “Ask a Witch.” I had so many questions as a beginning and I don’t know what would have happened to me had I never found this chat room! I learned so much and made so many friends, some I still talk to today! 

After reading and studying and asking questions all summer and into the first part of the school year, I knew I was ready to dedicate myself. I was ready to take the next step. I was too impatient to wait a year and a day, I remember, and I also couldn’t really say when Day 1 was, so why not just go ahead and dedicate!

I went to Goodwill to gather the altar supplies I didn’t already have: my cauldron (a quart-sized metal pot), some candle sticks, a chalice (a fancy-looking glass that was supposed to look like crystal) and a wooden, circular trivet that I painted a pentacle on. I remember how amazing it felt to set up my altar, play those chanting monks, and dedicate myself to a path that did indeed change my life. It still feels amazing to this day!

I’ll share some other stories as I reflect on my newbie witch days, as I’m sure there is a lot others can learn from, and it never hurts to revisit the lessons you have learned from time to time.

Finally, I apologize because I feel my writing is a but rusty. But I’m hoping to continue this blog and get better at story telling. Thank you for taking the time to read what I have written so far :) 

And if you are interested in following me on Instagram, I’m @serpent_and_crow!