#however: though he is smart and has an actual purpose.. he is also trash man. chaos. raccoon child. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

whaleofatjme1920 · 3 years ago

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HEY B GIMMIE THAT SWEET SWEET RIVAL MATCHUP U ALREADY KNO

You already know who this is but ill still give u a hot rundown: My names Ally, im 20 years old 5’7’’ and a Leo/year of the dragon/INFP. She/They pronouns and im Pansexual but i dont think that matters much in this situation >:P. Appearance wise i have shoulder length curly red hair and green/grey eyes, suuuuper pale skin and freckles. Im def an ambivert, very protective of people who mean alot to me and kind of sharp tempered, especially when people start talking about shit they dont know anything about. Im also a pretty big perfectionist and people pleaser and will beat the FUCK outta myself if i feel like i let people down or made people upset when i could have helped it. But thats all about me, heres those wacky questions!

- Stated before, but im an August Leo! I would say my aura would probably be a pinkish/ purple color? For dislikes i def dont like bitter foods, being too hot, rumors, people talking behind my back, ppl who act like they know what theyre talking about, ppl cutting me off when i lose my train of thought, conservatives, not caring about climate change/the planet in general, tight or restrictive clothes, not having enough time in the day, capitalism, ect. Honestly the most off the wall thing for me that would make me throw hands on sight would probably be someone saying some shit about my close friends behind their back to me.

- Once when I was 14 me and about 10 other people squeezed into a mini van at about 3am and drove around the town, not a single one of us had a license or were over the age of 16, and we were all ridiculously drunk and high the entire time (except the driver. we were underage, not stupid). After driving halfway across the island we got pulled over by cop on the interstate, and he walked up to the car, looked at the driver, then into the passenger seat and saw literally 10 KIDS OBVIOUSLY DRINKING and the car absolutely reeked of bud, then looked back at the driver and simply told him “Your tail light is out. Get home safe” and drove away. Ive never seen god faster than that moment LMAO

- I could never willingly fight a raccoon, youre sick for suggesting that >:/ They are precious boys and ive saved too many from drowning in my pool for me to lay a finger on one. And as for dealbreakers? My biggest one in a relationship is cheating, but thats pretty basic LMAO. I would also say one that’s definitely second in rank would be expecting someone to stay the same through out the relationship and getting upset when the person changes. We are human beings and developing and growing, if you dont support me in that nothing is going to work. I explained a bunch of things i dislike in people above, but ill also add in here people who hurt animals in any way/ litter for no reason. If one of my friends throws a piece of trash out of my car im slammin on the brakes and youre getting out and picking it up. And god forBID you touch an animal around me il doing whatever you did to it to yourself no hesitation.

- I would hate being stuck in a room with anyone, i have decently bad claustrophobia and if we were in there for more than a day i would start bugging out LOL But probably the worst type of person would be someone who just doesn’t shut up and trys to act like they know everything. Those are like, the most insufferable people to me. ESPECIALLY if theyre wrong and refuse to admit it. Whenever i think of being locked in a room, somehow i always imagine like a dark navy blue room with one small window and completely empty floors and walls, everything made out of carpet. Dont ask me why, i have absolutely no clue.

my feed back is ily bitch gimmie a good one i wanna fight a bitch

Your enemy is… Eyeless Jack!

In general:

I told you this yesterday but I wasn’t expecting you to send this in and must've spent like 5 straight minutes wheezing reading this. My gut reaction was Jeff, but based on what you wrote about the room, I’m going to say your enemy is actually Eyeless Jack!

Things he doesn’t like about you and how he pisses you off:

EJ doesn’t like that you’re a Leo. I’m not elaborating on that. He’s such a cold, clinical, heartless bastard that everything you are just goes against whatever tf he actually believes and acts as. I feel like you being a perfectionist would just brush against his perfectionist tendencies and habits. He’d say everything you’re doing is wrong. Just a dick. EJ may or may not exploit your weaknesses but that’s just because he thinks it’s fun and doesn’t like you.

EJ is a god of knowing what he’s talking about and it leads to this cocky, know it all attitude. It’s gonna brush you the wrong way. He knows that and takes joy in it. He will always attempt to one up you in knowledge and grin when he sees you falter. On the other end, if you catch him off guard he’s gonna be SO MAD. He will purposely turn up the heat in your presence just to make you upset. He will breathe down your neck and get in your personal space just to make you more uncomfortable. EJ isn’t anywhere NEAR a conservative or a climate change denier but he will take those positions just to make you mad and laugh over your attempts at arguing with him. Like Jeff, he’s a huge devil’s advocate and will start shit just because he can. I don’t actually think he’d talk about your friends negatively in front of you though, but he would definitely say stuff about you to your face.

EJ thinks it’s stupid you drank underage and will poke that memory. He will use insults about alcohol and the brain despite drinking a ton himself. If you call him out on it, he will fold. Literally throw everything he says about you back at him and he will get puffy and fast. EJ can’t always handle change that well so like, he’s a stubborn guy. Despite how logical he can be and how smart he is, socially he is so uncouth!! EJ doesn’t litter so you don’t have to worry about that but he’s definitely gonna do things that push your buttons, mostly say things that put you off. He’s not claustrophobic. He will put you in situations like that just because he can. The dark navy blue of his mask is going to haunt you. EJ will act like a god in your presence and snarl when you dare question his abilities. CALL HIM OUT. HUMBLE HIM PLEASE.

He agrees on the raccoon thing ngl. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but EJ has such a soft spot for animals - mostly birds - but he can’t fault you for the raccoon thing. He's also not too fond of litter so he has to agree with you on that one too.

Closing Thoughts/Other Things:

Knowing you for as long as I have, I was so, so ready to actually put you with Jeff. However, the more I read into this the more my intuition screeched that you would actually throw hands with EJ and I find that HILARIOUS. Just the arguments between you and this tall, muscular demon man is just - “what? What? WHAT” It’s beautiful. I’m serious, Merida vs. a literal demon. That’s all. Ily. <3

#eyeless jack #eyeless jack headcanon #creepypasta #creepypasta matchup #enemy matchups #rival matchups

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imaginesandinserts · 4 years ago

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Irreverent Pt. 39 - Dinner Party

Title: Irreverent Pt. 39 - Dinner Party Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: M Words: 5812

Irreverent Series Masterlist

Clyde was handling another assignment so you were working out of Quantico for the time being. You'd learned really quickly that not everyone had a Penelope Garcia at their disposal and you needed to skill up fast. You'd bribed her with concert tickets and a very handsome Elliot Greenberg as her escort in exchange for teaching you the basics.

Elliot worked for the white collar crime unit in New York after the BAU rejection and had recently made the transition to Quantico for sex crimes. The two of you had kept in touch over the years and he'd hit you up when he'd moved back. He'd broken up with his girlfriend back in New York for the job - which really just told you the girlfriend hadn't mattered all that much. Elliot was smart, good looking, and doing well at work but you knew he also had a nerdy streak that Garcia would appreciate.

It was kind of fun being on the other side of a case and watching Penelope in action. You figured it would be easiest to learn on the job so you'd stayed holed up in her office and the two of you worked together with the team on a case. She taught you how to do some of the less complex stuff and you got to flirt with Hotch anytime he called for an update - it was a win-win really.

When they got back, he'd decided to have everyone be home for a week and do reports and consults to coincide with your schedule. No one was really complaining about a week of no travel.

Aaron had gotten home before you as you'd had a late afternoon meeting with McKinney to update him on your progress. When you walk in, you can smell roasted spices wafting from the kitchen. Aaron had always enjoyed foods from other cuisines but with you he'd really embraced cooking it as well, since you'd lived all over and had curated your own recipes over the years. If your nose wasn't mistaken, he was trying his hand at your Chicken Vindaloo recipe.

You walk into the kitchen to see him wearing an apron and manning the stove while Jack sits at the island doing his homework.

"Hi baby." You greet Jack and place a quick kiss to his head before going over to observe Aaron's handiwork - it smelled pretty good and he already had the rice cooker going as well. Jack mumbled a hello and you could tell something was off. You raise an eyebrow at Aaron who mouths "Soccer" to you, peaking a glance backwards at Jack's head bent over his worksheets.

Aaron and you had decided to sign him up for soccer lessons, figuring it was a good age to get him into team sports and be a little more active in a structured setting. Apparently he wasn't taking it too well, though you couldn't fathom why.

You take a quick taste from the spatula that Aaron had been using to stir and add a little pinch of salt to the pan. He throws you a mock glare. "I was getting to it," he mutters, shooing you away.

You leave him to the cooking and go sit at the island by Jack. Grabbing a tangerine from the fruitbowl, you peel it and break off a piece. "Orange for your thoughts?" you ask Jack.

You can see him hesitate but he still reaches out for the small slice, putting his pencil down. "I don't want to do Soccer," he confesses, reaching for another piece. Aaron's back is turned and he appears to be bustling around the kitchen.

"What part of it do you not want to do?" You pop a piece of tangerine into your own mouth as well.

He seems to consider your question as he chews on another piece. "It seems messy and the other kids seem mean."

You and Aaron had taken Jack by the soccer field a couple of weeks ago and you realize he's referring to the mud covered kids all pushing one another. Jack was a sweet and sensitive kid and you could understand how that was maybe a stressful situation for him. But you also wanted him to give it a shot because it would be good to do some team activities - help him make some more friends and be more active.

"It does seem kind of messy," you agree. "But I don't think the other kids will be mean. You're good at making friends and as long as you're nice to them they'll be nice to you."

He thinks over your response and you know you can seal the deal. "If you don't like it after you give it a fair shot, then we can discuss. Is that okay?" Jack was a reasonable kid and you and Aaron tried to give him choices as much as possible.

"Okay, Y/N." Jack nods, grabbing the last piece of tangerine from your palm.

"You know," you lean in a bit to Jack, lowering your voice, "your family has a special history with soccer fields."

"We do?" He quirks an eyebrow at you and he looks so much like Aaron in that moment. The cheeks are all Haley but the expression is completely Aaron.

"Well, you know how your parents met, of course," you confirm with mock seriousness.

Jack smiles and nods. "Pirate #4"

You laugh, ruffling Jack's hair. Aaron had kept his word to Haley and he did his best to make her a part of Jack's life as much as you could. But you had a feeling this wasn't a story Jack knew yet. Jack had been obsessed with all of the Disney movies lately so you know he'd appreciate a good romance story.

"Yes, your parents met during the play. But your dad was quite the young soccer star when he was in high school." You look and see that Aaron is adding the finishing touches to dinner and undoubtedly listening in. Jack has turned fully to face you, bringing his chair a little bit closer to yours.

"Well, your mom started to go watch him practice and go to his games. After a game where your dad scored the winning goal," you pause as Jack hangs on every word, "they were hanging out on the field and your dad finally plucked up the courage and asked your mom to be his girlfriend."

"That's pretty cool, I guess." He smiles, turning to look at his dad. "But not as cool as Buttercup and Wesley. Can we watch The Princess Bride again after dinner?"

You and Aaron laugh as he nods and tells Jack to go get washed up for dinner. The three of you had already watched The Princess Bride a couple of times and Aaron insisted that Inigo Montoya looked exactly like his old boss, Gideon. He'd pulled up pictures to show you, but you just didn't see it. It was probably the longest argument the two of you had had in recent memory.

As Jack leaves, Aaron turns to look at you, his face identical to Jack's from earlier, eyebrow quirked just the same. You know he's wondering how you knew that story about him and Haley because it sure hadn't been from him.

"Jess and I bonded while you were gone," you explained with a small smile. "He should know your love story."

Aaron nods as you get up to get changed for dinner yourself. He adores that you go above and beyond to make sure that Jack feels connected to Haley. Sometimes, though, he worries that you end up minimizing your role in his and Jack's life in the process.

As far as Aaron was concerned, Jack got to be witness to his favorite love story.

*------------*

With the whole team at home base for the coming week, you and Aaron decided to host the long postponed dinner party that you had initially aimed to have as your relationship reveal party. Between the team jumping the gun on you and then all of the work and cases, it had gotten pushed back indefinitely. However, now seemed like the right time to do it. You'd planned it for the end of the week when both Henry and Jack were invited to a birthday sleepover and all of the adults had the next day off.

Emily, Derek, and Penelope were all bringing dates. Rossi was seeing Strauss but knew better than to invite her to a team thing. You still remembered worming that particular secret out of Aaron. You had known something was up when you'd happened to catch his face when Rossi told him. You'd been too far to actually hear what caused that face, so you'd brought it up later. In his defense, he'd valiantly tried to protect Rossi's secret, but you had your ways. When he'd finally given in and told you, you regretted having tried so hard to get it out of him. Rossi and Strauss. Just the thought of it made you shudder.

However, with that large of a group, you decided to get some outside help, though you'd still make dessert. You'd left for lunch to go meet with the caterer, taking Rossi along with you since he'd actually be helpful. Aaron was in some budget meetings through lunch anyways and you'd grabbed him a salad on the way back. You thanked Rossi for joining you and he took Aaron's food up with him as you turned to see Derek and Emily hanging out by her desk.

"Hey, so what'd Hotch mess up?" Derek asks as he sees you.

You're confused for a second as to what he means but then you catch sight of the large bouquet of flowers on your desk. Your heart stops. You recognize that arrangement - the ostentatious roses arranged artfully. You'd forgotten what day it was. After he missed last year, you'd thought he'd forgotten - that he'd moved past it finally. This was the first time they'd arrived at the office. Usually it was sent to your home so you could deal with it in private.

You approach your desk not bothering to look for a note. Quickly, you pick them up and place the bouquet in your trash can, in the hope that no one else would see them. Both Derek and Emily eye you curiously.

You have to make sure your voice will come out steadily before you speak. "They're not from Aaron."

You hope they'll just go back to their conversation as you sit down in your chair, your mind whirling. You'd have to deal with this situation. Him sending them to work was an obvious escalation and to what end, you couldn't be sure.

From the corner of your eye, you see Derek stand from his spot on Emily's desk. He walks towards you with purpose and before you can stop him, he's reached into the trash can and fished out the note.

"Matthew? He's sending you flowers?" His voice is low and he looks troubled, holding the note in his hands and taking a seat on your desk instead. Seemed like him and Emily had decided he'd deal with it, as she was conspicuously missing, leaving just you and Derek in the bullpen.

You sigh internally. It had been too much to hope that they would've just ignored it. "It's our anniversary," you explain, looking around and making sure there wasn't anyone else around. "He didn't take the break up well. Now he sends flowers every year to torture me - though usually he's tactful enough to send them to the house."

Your revelation does nothing to ease Derek's mind. If anything he looks even more worried now than before. "So he's escalating. Trying to get your attention."

"He's not going to actually do anything," you say, trying to sound reassuring. "I can handle it, Derek." You place a hand on his knee closest to you and look firmly up at him. The last thing you needed was for Derek to be all worried and nosey about the situation. Or worse, for him to tell… "Do not tell Aaron."

He looks at you as though you're stupid and you can tell he's going to argue with you, but you really don't want to bother Aaron with this. Not in the one week you guys have at home together. "I mean it, Derek. He has a thousand other things to worry about. My sociopath ex does not need to be one of them."

Derek frowns and you know he's racing through the thousand cases you guys have done on stalker exes and escalation. Luckily for you, Matthew was too lazy to actually stalk anyone. Unluckily, he still found the time to order you flowers to remind you that he'd once been a very large part of your life. You didn't even like roses. With a glance up to Hotch's office, Derek nods, knowing he won't be able to convince you otherwise right now. He drops the note back into the trash can as Emily returns and you all go back to pretending to work.

It's late afternoon when you hear Hotch calling your name from the upstairs landing. "Y/N, can you come up here please?"

You'd gotten very little done, your mind whirling with what to do about the Matthew situation. You just wanted it to be over. You briefly wonder if Aaron wants to talk about the meeting with the caterers or Jack's schedule for the following week when the two of you will both be away. You enter his office, closing the door behind you.

"Hey, what's going on?" You walk in and take a seat on his couch. The blinds facing the bullpen are closed, but the ones facing outside are open, casting a warm glow around the room. Curiously, he hasn't moved back to his desk and is standing in front of you, with a concerned look on his face.

"When were you going to tell me about the Matthew situation?" he asks, placing his left hand on his hip and looking every bit the part of SSA Aaron Hotchner instead of your boyfriend.

You let out a breath. You couldn't believe Derek had told him, after you'd specifically asked him not to. And now he had that furrowed brow and the concerned face and he has a deadline from Strauss on the new budget. This wasn't what he needed right now and you knew it would distract from everything else.

You grit your teeth and stand up, ignoring his voice, and open the door to his office to scan the bullpen until you catch sight of who you're looking for. "Agent Morgan," you call out, "could you please join us up here?"

Derek looks up at you before he quickly walks upstairs and enters Hotch's office. He goes and stands by Hotch while you close the door once again, undoubtedly knowing what this was about. The two of them made quite the image - frowns marring both of their faces though Aaron's was less pronounced. I knew moisturizing was a good call.

Squaring your shoulders, you cross your arms across your chest, facing the two of them. "Figured it was more efficient to just talk to you both together. Save you the trouble of finding each other afterwards," you say, your tone hinting at how annoyed you were. Not that either one of them had the decency to look ashamed. If anything they looked defiant.

Aaron started to speak but you cut him off.

"You two need to realize that I can handle my own problems. If I say Matthew isn't an issue, trust me. If I say I have it handled, believe me that I do."

"No." You expected that, but not from Derek. Maybe from Aaron, but not from Derek.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, no. Not with our jobs. Not knowing what we do. I'll tell Hotch, I'll tell the whole team. The more people on the lookout the better."

"I -"

"Morgan's right. So, let's figure out what to do."

"There's nothing to do. He sent flowers, not a bomb. Leave it alone. If the worst thing he does is send me flowers once a year - well people have dealt with worse. You're both overreacting."

"You expect us to do nothing? What about when he escalates?"

"He won't!"

"You can't possibly know that." His entire demeanor is stiff and tense and he's aggravated with you for not taking this as seriously as he is.

"I was with him for four years, Aaron. Trust me. I know him. He has nothing to gain from an escalation and everything to lose. He's married, he doesn't exactly want me back. He just hates that I dumped him and once a year he remembers that and gets pissed off and drunk and in his own passive aggressive way, chooses to do this. It's not worth any of us wasting a second more of our time on!"

Derek looks like he'd rather be anywhere but standing in the middle of the two of you at that moment.

Aaron breathes out slowly before he speaks, as though if he takes a moment it'll prevent him from shaking you into seeing it his way. "I still would like for the team to be on alert. Just in case." It would appear he'd decided on the reasonable approach.

You groan, but know that's the best you're about to get. At your nod, Aaron and Derek exchange a look before Derek moves to leave the room.

"Hey," you stop him as his hand touches the doorknob. "Next time I ask you to not tell my crazy, overprotective boyfriend something. Just don't."

He grimly shakes his head at you. "No promises."

You narrow your eyes at him. The two of you will be discussing this later.

Turning away from you, he nods at Hotch before opening the door and closing it behind him.

Aaron sighs before sitting down on the couch next to you. "Why wouldn't you just tell me?" he asks, as though he's afraid of the answer.

You know he's genuinely worried about you and grasping at the implication of you not telling him about this. You reach across the couch cushion and grab his hand, squeezing it. His fingers intertwine with yours instantly.

"Aaron, if I thought - for even a second- that this was some sort of actual threat, you'd be the first person I'd tell."

Which was the truth. If there was any chance that Matthew was a threat to Aaron or Jack, you'd have told him immediately. As it stood, however, your ex boyfriend was nothing more than a coward who got off on his little annual psychological warfare.

He nods, his mouth a straight line.

You spend a few more minutes in his office reassuring him properly (How convenient that the blinds were already shut), before leaving him to finish up the rest of his work.

*------------*

Derek watches from the bullpen as you exit Hotch's office, not a hair out of place, though he could imagine that hadn't been the case a minute earlier. He sees your eyes dart around furtively before making a quick phone call. You say barely two words before hanging up.

*------------*

Ricky Costello had the self-assured charm of a boy who had never questioned his place in life. He'd grown up scrawny and had to learn how to fight and stand up for himself. As he'd grown older and filled out some, people knew better than to pick on him or anyone he was friends with. He was loyal, headstrong, and the smartest of the family - which is why his father had pulled some strings and gotten him into a good school where he could learn something and be of some use to the family.

You'd met Ricky in your accounting class when he'd tried to partner with you for a project, thinking you'd do all the work for him. He'd had to rethink that strategy when you'd shown up at his dorm room, pretended to be his girlfriend to get rid of his flavor of the week, and then promised to continue ruining his chances with every gullible freshman unless he did his share of the work. Needless to say, the two of you had the best project in the class.

You arrived at the bar he'd texted you the address to. It was in a quiet street just off central downtown and at six in the evening, there were only commuters headed back home. No one paid much attention to you as you quickly looked around before entering.

The place was mostly empty save for an older couple seated at a table in the corner. You see Ricky seated at the bar and you make your way towards him. Feeling someone approach, he turns around, a grin breaking out on his face when he sees you.

"Hi Doll," he stands and wraps you in a hug that lifts you off the ground and elicits a small squeal of surprise.

"Hi Ricky." Your face lights up at the sight of him. It had been a while.

He indicates to the bartender for another round, before guiding you to a small table at the other corner of the bar. He pulls out a chair for you as the bartender sets down two glasses of scotch.

"Cheers," he says, lifting his glass and clinking it with yours. "To seeing old friends."

"Cheers," you smile, taking a sip, your eyes studying him. He looked older, the beginnings of grey could be seen near his temples. His leather jacket hugged him just right and he'd grown out his usual stubble into a full, well-kept beard. His smile was still very much him - a little cocky and every bit as affectionate as you remembered it.

The two of you drink for a while as he catches you up on all the drama your old group had gone through recently - the weddings, the breakups, the kids. It was odd to have missed out on all of it.

"So, tell me, why'd you really call?" he asks, leaning back in his chair, his hand playing with the rim of his glass.

You take a breath, mimicking his posture. "Matthew is planning on running for Congress."

He takes in your pursed lips and the tenseness of your shoulders. "I heard," he says slowly, deliberately. "Been meaning to pay him a visit. Congratulate him."

"Congratulate him for me too."

The quirk of his lips tells you he knows why you're telling him this. There was no love lost between Matthew and Ricky. If they were in the same room they were bound to get into it. You'd done your best to keep them sequestered in different parts of your life - however some events were inevitably meant for larger groups.

He nods with a soft laugh, before indicating to the bartender for a second round, which is delivered promptly.

"You should come back, Y/N. Give up the straight laced thing. The crew, we miss you, doll." His voice is earnest and for a moment you see the hint of the boy who'd confided all his secrets to you during study sessions that had bled into the early morning hours.

You smile, and your voice catches ever so slightly. "I've met someone - and well, he's pretty much as straight laced as they come."

Ricky laughs at that and you know he's just a little surprised. "What's his name?"

"Aaron." His name feels right at home in your mouth.

"Nice Catholic boy?" His face is one of boyish teasing.

"I always did have a thing for those," you joke. And you know, you know Ricky will take that in the friendly manner that it was meant.

The two of you wrap up and Ricky closes out the tab before walking you back to your car. As you're about to pull out of the parking spot, he leans into your window, placing the lightest of kisses to your cheek.

"Tell your boy Aaron, he's the luckiest guy in the world."

*------------*

You hear the front door open and close as Aaron arrives, having dropped Jack off at the birthday party sleepover he was invited. You'd spent the day making sure you'd made enough tiramisu for all the guests while both Jack and Aaron snuck bites of it when your back was turned.

You've just finished dusting off the final pan with cocoa powder, when you feel Aaron's arms circle your waist from behind. You have to slap his hand away as it makes its way into the dessert. Him and Jack had polished off half a pan that morning and at this rate, you'd have none left for the actual guests.

"You can't eat all of the dessert before the guests get here. At this rate, you're pretty much cut off from it entirely. I don't think I can make it again if you and Jack are going to be like this," you scold, turning and poking at his stomach.

He doesn't have the decency to look even a little embarrassed. He just smiles and shrugs, his arms encircling your waist again. "I'll just have to find something else to eat instead, I guess."

His words send a spike of heat and desire through you. The two of you had been making the most of being home at the same time and every night had ended with him between your legs - one way or another.

Shaking your head, you escape his hold and move to clear the island for the caterers. He was relentless, however.

"You expect to wear this and have me keep my hands to myself?" His voice is a deep rumble behind you as his arms cage you against the island countertop and his mouth finds your pulse point. He's referring to the off shoulder dress you'd changed into while he'd been gone, highlighting your collarbone magnificently. It flared out from the waist, making you look like the epitome of the perfect housewife you had once been destined to become.

"I'd hoped you'd at least wait till the end of the night," you retort. His arms are warm and his chest firm behind you and you really didn't have it in you to push him away again. You were pretty helpless against him.

"I always like to get a head start." You can hear the humor in his voice as he pushes you against the counter a little more firmly, his arms coming from around you to clear the space right in front.

"Aaron." His name escapes you with a soft sigh as he plants warm kisses along your neck down to your exposed shoulders. He sweeps your hair to the front, lips traveling down your spine as his hands move underneath your dress, finding the waistband of your underwear and then slipping inside to find you wet, warm, and waiting for him.

He lets out a groan at the feel of you and can't help but grind himself against you. He knows he's working against the clock and is surprised you've let him get this far.

You let out a sharp gasp as his thumb presses against your clit and he inserts two fingers deep within you. He had the art of getting you to come, down to a near science. He quickly pumps his fingers in and out, his thumb rubbing your clit in repeated circles. With his other hand he brings your head around and captures your lips. The press of his lips against yours is a feeling you'll never tire of you.

You come embarrassingly quick, fluttering around his fingers, your back arched and your ass grinding into his hard length behind you. He turns you around, his mouth hot and needy against yours. When you pull away, his eyes are blown wide and there's a sheen of sweat on his forehead from the exertion of keeping himself from simply plowing into you.

You make quick work of his belt buckle and help him work his jeans and underwear down, eager to have him in you. With one eye on the clock behind you, he hoists you up to the countertop, placing you on the edge, and enters you swiftly, eliciting a loud groan from you.

"Fuck, sweetheart. Always so ready for me. Always tight…wet." His voice is rough and low and makes the coil in your stomach tighter and your breath come out harsher. He moves efficiently, his head tucked into the crook of your neck and his arms working to keep you balanced on the edge.

His breath is warm against your neck, and he's panting and leave wet open kisses to any skin available to him. Your fingers dig into his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he thrusts into you. You're close and you know he is too based on how irregular his movement is becoming.

You remove one hand from his shoulder, pulling on his hair to move his head enough to reach his mouth in a lazy kiss. He groans into your mouth as he comes, drawing your orgasm out right after, causing you to tremble against him.

As you come down, you're entirely slumped against his chest and he's moved you to sit more firmly on the island. You know you look nowhere near as presentable as you did fifteen minutes prior, but you're finding it hard to be too upset about it.

Still, you can't help but be a little bratty about it. "I'm going to have to redo my makeup," you whine against him.

Laughing breathlessly, he picks you up to carry you upstairs. It was a wonder he had the strength to do that right after. You could barely stand up when he deposited you outside the shower.

The two of you work quickly to get cleaned up and Aaron is the one to let the caterers in as you redo your hair and makeup. You fish out another dress - one with sleeves and a higher neckline. You couldn't afford to be pulled into the coat closet with people around.

*------------*

An hour and a half later, the party is in full swing. Emily had brought Henry Eastwood - Senator Williams's Chief of Staff. The two of you had run into him while out shopping a few weeks back and having recognized you, had come up to say hello. You had a feeling that had Emily not been with you, he would've entirely ignored some girl his boss had dated for a few weeks a year or so ago. However, you couldn't deny that they made a handsome couple.

Penelope had brought Elliot - the two of them had really hit it off and you were happy to see her smiling and laughing with someone. You'd given in and allowed Rossi to bring Strauss and you were pleasantly surprised to see her being on her best behavior around Aaron. Derek had brought Savannah and they were talking to JJ and Will.

You walked to the kitchen to open up another bottle of wine and refill everyone's glasses. It seemed Savannah had followed you, empty glass in hand. Laughing, you top off her glass with the almost empty bottle in hand, before opening the next one.

"Thanks for having everyone over," she says, taking a drink from her glass.

"Of course. Aaron and I honestly meant to do this ages ago, but work got away from us."

You have a feeling Savannah wants to talk to you about something else, however, so you don't say much more, trying to give her the chance to speak up.

She looks around a little nervously, but seems to make up her mind. "You're different for Derek, you know. Different from Emily and Penelope. He's very protective of you."

"I'm protective of him too," you respond softly. You know what she means however. You and Derek had gone through the worst thing in the world together and only came out the other end because of one other.

"Savannah, you have nothing to worry about," you reassure her, knowing that's what she really needed at the moment. Her and Derek hadn't had much time together lately and you could understand feeling insecure. "Derek loves you and you're good for him. You challenge him and you're the first girl I've seen him be so head over heels for."

She smiles and you know that helped a bit. "Thanks."

The two of you each grab a bottle and head back to the main living room. As you pour more wine into Dave's glass, you catch Aaron's eye and you feel warmth pooling in your stomach, the promise of a good night ahead of you. You walk around the room and top off everyone, making sure there's enough appetizers still out.

Derek offers to help you carry back the empty platters and follows you into the kitchen. "So, I heard something interesting today," he says, placing the platters on the counter.

You hum, as you grab more of the stuffed mushrooms from the warmer and arrange them on the empty platter.

"Cops responded to a call about a break in in New Hampshire, placed by someone's neighbor," he pauses and he knows you're listening. "When they get there, guy living in the house was obviously beat up, but his wife seemed alright. Just a little shaken up. Funny thing is - dude refused to press charges, even though cops could tell that the house had been broken into."

Your posture has gotten incredibly stiff as he spoke. He knows. You don't say anything, simply look at him apprehensively.

"Tell me," he continues, "what's the Italian mob's going rate to put the fear of God in someone?"

You take a breath, before meeting his eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh yeah, you wouldn't. Probably get the friends and family discount," he trails off, grabbing the platter and walking out of the kitchen.

Crap. He really did know. He knew about Ricky. Which meant he'd probably gotten Penelope involved as well.

Quickly composing yourself, you carry the other platter out, joining him by the appetizer table.

"Derek - "

"Don't worry. Garcia won't say anything."

You look at him, and you know he won't either.

"Thank you."

He nods, popping another mushroom in his mouth and smiling at you. He wouldn't be doubting you again when you said you had something under control.

He wouldn't tell anyone. When Hotch asks him later about the Matthew situation, all he'd say was that it was handled. Hotch would pause, look at him, but then trust Morgan to know that it was really handled.

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds reader insert #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x you #hotch #hotchner x you #hotchner x y/n #hotch x reader #hotch x you #hotch x y/n #irreverentseries

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msbeccieboo · 5 years ago

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Arrow 8x09 Brain Dump

It was...not all bad. I really want to like this. I love Mia, William and FTA. I want to enjoy BS like I did in S7. I want to see Dinah written consistently with any kind of actual character. Well, at least my love for FTA is still intact 😂😂

Mia

Kat was brilliant in this episode. Her leading lady really jumped out 😂😂 Her emotional moments hit the mark, and I think she juggled her post-Crisis new life with her old memories brilliantly.

We opened on her waking up in the Queen mansion(!), with a very yummy Diggle Jr in her bed, only it’s JJ not Connor 😱😱 She’s also surrounded by adorable family photos, showing that Oliver got his wish of her and William growing up together (and confirmation that the Olicity Love Cabin still existed!) Basically, she’s living the best life that Oliver could have wished for her, without him in it, of course 😭

Probably the most notable change in ‘new Mia’ (other than her being infinitely happier and living in a crime-free city) was her social poise. She’s been brought up in Oliver Queen’s old world, and is quite the socialite, only without any of the haughty frivolity that one might expect (I imagine we have Felicity for that 😍). She loves her life and her friends, and she defends them, especially in the face of Laurel, who seemingly does nothing but scoff at her lifestyle for the whole episode 😒 I loved her addressing the press!! That was pure Queen! Maybe the influence of a certain Aunt Thea?

Source: feilcityqueen

More below the cut…

Basically this Mia is smart and loving and happy, and Oliver gave her a warm and otherwise full life, save for finding her true purpose (which is gonna be vigilanteing, of course). So of course BS and Dinah rock up and upend it all 😂 I really liked how they made the returning of Mia’s memories a source of conflict, as well they should. It was so brutal to just return them with no preamble, to destroy what happiness Oliver had given back to her, just because, what? BS couldn’t complete her own fucking mission? (More of that later lol) Then Mia standing up to BS when she went as far as to mock Mia’s new world, just gave me life!!!

Anyway, with her memories restored, and bad guys to track down, of course Mia couldn’t resist her heroic calling and suited up, then proceeded to be the epic badass that we have grown to love.

Source: kathmcnamara

I loved seeing her struggle with her memories returning, and the guilt that they brought with them of not living up to Oliver’s legacy. At the same time, she appreciates what Oliver did for her, that all he wanted for his family and the city was to be safe and happy. She ultimately decides to remain the Green Arrow, taking up the guard of her city in her father’s memory, to protect the new world that he sacrificed himself to create.

Source: felicityqueen

We’d seen she’d developed her ‘street smarts’ in the flash-forwards, so I think she’ll end up bringing these together with her new social skills, and badass moves, and be an unstoppable force!! Hopefully that will include her old FTA team as well, and not just the two feathered ones 🙄

FTA/JJ

God this needed more FTA.

We got a small amount of William, more of JJ, what with him being Mia’s fiance (!!), and little more than fleeting glances of Zoe (!) and Connor. The disrespect!! 😂

William (who even knows his surname in this new life?) continues to hold my whole heart in his hands 😍😍

Source: oliverxfelicity

LOOK AT HIM!!!!💗💗💗

He seems to have been least affected in terms of his character, post-crisis. It’s implied that he’s running Smoak Tech, and that he and Mia grew up together and are basically each others’ ride-or-dies 😭😍😭

I truly hope if the show is picked up, that they increase the William content by a solid 1000% 😂 He brings so much heart and a certain humour and lightness, just like Felicity brought to Arrow, and Ben is such an amazing actor. The new show will need a William. BADLY. He really seems to have his shit together (in the very limited time we have seen him of course 😒), but I’m hoping that that doesn’t lead to Mia keeping her memories from him for long (although remembering who their Dad is, I’m guessing she could take a while 😂😂).

So JJ proposes to Mia at the beginning of the episode!!!! Apparently they are the love of each others lives here. Dig clearly learned from what Connor told him, and steered JJ away from becoming a murdering gangster...YAY! Although it seems that in doing so, our darling boy Connor ran into a few issues of his own 😫😫 It looks like there is no love lost between him and Mia, that he has been in and out of rehab, and is now somewhat of a bad boy 😏😏 But when they first lock eyes there is still definite history and heat there and, just HJJHDFVGDFK 🔥 BACKSTORY IS NEEDED!! Then at the end, JJ has his memories restored by scary-dude-in-cloak (who I was totally hoping would be Dig or Oliver tbh 😂), so I’m super interested to see how he copes with his dual memories!! So now Mia loves JJ, but knows he was evil and killed Zoe, and she hated Connor, but now remembers they had feelings for each other and that he is a beautiful soul, and all the shit is gonna hit the fan!!! I usually hate love triangles, but this is so exciting, with the good boy/bad boy switch up, and then the opposite memories being returned...YAAAAASSSS!! Although I’d like to make it clear that, whilst I’m going to enjoy the drama getting there, I am firmly in the SmoaknHawke end game camp!!

And as excited as I just got, all of this took up just about 5 mins of screen time 😫😫 It reminds me of what Arrow was lacking in its early episodes...heart and hope. They lucked into it with Felicity/Emily, but they have it here, ready and waiting, and are so far not using it.

Kat knows what’s what. This is the show we deserve.

Birds

There was a lot of bird action. Apparently in shaping a perfect future, Oliver saw fit that Mia never met BS or Dinah...this is why we stan 😂😂 Dinah has also seemingly been erased from the history books 😬, waking up after Oliver’s funeral (😒😭) 20 years in the future, so naturally becomes a bohemian, opens a bar and sings a lot. Cool, I’d probably do the same 😂😂 Laurel, it seems, went off to spend time with Sara, and has apparently become a solo time-traveller, trying to stop 2041 from becoming a really bad year. Righto.

Dinah was actually ok in this episode, if not hugely out of character, but that in itself has been inconsistent throughout the show, so here’s hoping that the zen-filled peacemaker that she was in this episode continues! Dinah’s new-found peace and bearability seemingly comes at the cost of Laurel being utterly awful. She rocked up in the future like Billy Big Bollocks with a huge chip on her shoulder, just sneering her way through the episode. She had such bitterness, disdain and anger directed towards Mia (and Dinah, at times) for no apparent reason, when they seemed to have somewhat bonded previously?! She spent the majority of the episode sauntering around looking down on everyone, portraying a bitchy-tomboy type, deeming anything vaguely typically feminine or not hard-moody-’badass’ as beneath her. This is not #girlpower. Fuck off.

Then we have that clusterfuck of a scene at the exhibition 🙈🙈 where BS tries to tell Mia that she used to date her Dad, before quickly correcting herself to “some version of him, anyway”, as if they were one and the same 🙄 Laurel’s continual need to imply that she knows, or has history with our Oliver is infuriating as hell. E2 Oliver died on the Gambit in his early 20s. Even if he was similar in character to E1 Oliver up until then, that person bears no likeness to the man he became. Her past with her ‘Ollie’ is entirely irrelevant to the man that was Mia’s father, who she barely even got to know at all save for a couple of episodes in S8. And not only the implication that she knew him, but then to actually try to trash him as well, to his kid?! All to push her idea that all versions of people are the same (which was refuted when JJ doesn’t even turn out to be behind the Deathstroke mask anyhow)? NO! At least Dinah and Mia were cringing along with us 😂

It’s just astounding, the turnaround they’ve managed with Laurel/BS. They already did the unthinkable in S7 and got a lot of people from this side of the fandom to empathise and warm to her, without pissing off her existing fans. I really did grow to like her in S7 (check my reviews, I still can’t believe it 😂), she was snarky, but not bitchy, and showed some heart and vulnerability. So it’s mind-blowing how they took all that growth and just obliterated it this season, and then even more so in this episode where she is just plain nasty and unlikeable.

I do think, however, that giving BS and Mia a tempestuous relationship from the off was a good idea, cos let’s face it, you can tell there is no love lost between them. But they could have made them clash in a better way than BS just being an arsehole to Mia for most of the episode. My best guess is her anger comes from Mia coming out of Crisis with a life untouched by violence, whilst her earth was still lost? (Was it? I can’t actually remember if E2 came back.) She can’t complete her self-appointed mission on her own and knows she needs Mia’s help to do it?? I don’t know. She had a lot to say about JJ supposedly being a ‘homicidal manic’...pot, kettle much?! She also seemed to find the notion of Mia initially wanting to just appreciate the peaceful life she had been given and not becoming a vigilante reprehensible, but why? BS is the one that needs to atone for past sins. Mia does not.

Stray thoughts

That cliffhanger!!! WHO TOOK OUR WILLIAM?!?!?!

The music was...not good. Especially during the fight scenes. Arrow was always so on-point with its score. I don’t understand how this can be so bad?! I did like hearing Mia’s theme in there, though, that was a nice tie-in the old flash-forwards.

Who is this Kevin that cheated on William? He must be destroyed!😡

Some of that future make-up was really something 😬😬 2040 is all about the severe/dead and unblended looks, apparently. The fashion was fabulous though!

The dialogue in the action scenes was soooo hammy.

Who is the mysterious, villainous “she”???

“Frack you!” and “I’m not interested in joining your Canary club” YAASS MIA 😂

William and Mia’s “pet rock” talk was super cute 😍

Oliver’s statue!! 😭😭😭

Hopes for the future, if series gets picked up:

Increased focus on Mia/FTA. We have such a fresh, interesting, diverse cast, with intertwined back stories ready to go for this show here already, waiting to be used. USE THEM.

A deadly outbreak of avian flu 😂🙊

Failing said outbreak...keep the birds in the background or MAKE THEM LIKEABLE. This is a chance for a clean slate!

I wanna see Papa Dig so bad. David had said we’d get to see 2040 Dig in Arrow, but looks like that isn’t going to happen now, and I’d just love to see how he is. I can also imagine David being entirely done, and not wanting to be a part of this, however, but a cheeky little cameo would be amazing 😂

SmoaknHawke to RISE 🔥🔥🔥

As it stands, I’ll watch if it goes to series, but for how long remains in question. I just know I cannot get on board with the faux feminist “heart/vulnerability/girly is ‘weak’! Let’s be hard/edgy/angry badasses and fight men and show the world we’re strong pow pow pow” narrative that BS in particular, but also the general tone of the show overall, is trying to portray. I really think that if the show is picked up that they should look to see what is working and what is falling flat on its arse. It’s in dire need of more heart and fewer birds imo, but we can have both, if they’d just write them as better people.

Thank you to the beautiful gif-makers 😘 Any uncredited gifs are mine.

💗💗💗

#Arrow 8x09 #Arrow #Arrow spoilers #Mia Smoak Queen #Green Arrow and the canaries #Arrow Season 8 #beccie's brain

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hellobrockie · 5 years ago

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Some very long Rambly TROS thoughts

Holy fuck there is so much wrong with this movie.

Let's start at the beginning. Kylo tracks down the wayfinder/holocron crystal thing that will lead him to the sith homeworld. We learn that Palpatine was behind both the Snoke and Vader voices in Kylo’s head-basically the dude has been manipulating him for 30 years. Kylo states very clearly he's gonna kill this motherfucker. This is very in line with the Last Jedi- Kylo wants to destroy everything- the Sith the Jedi the Resistance- because he’s tired of the constant push-pull of rejection and manipulation. BUT THEN HE DOESNT KILL PALPATINE???? At first the film argues that he doesn't kill Palps because Palps promises him the big FINAL ORDER fleet? Okay...but I don’t think Kylo really gives a shit about a big fleet of ships when it's offered by the fucker who has been scrabbling his brains for shits and giggles. Once the ‘Rey Palpatine’ thing comes to light, we are lead to believe Kylo went along with the whole final order plan because he wanted to kill Palpatine together with REY???? Ahh okay?

So now we switch back to Rey. She's basically a jedi, cool. And I guess the Skywalker saber just fixed itself, with literally no scars or anything. A great visual representation about how this film feels about character development that happened in The Last Jedi. So Rey breaks concentration and fails the courses. According to the film, this happens because sheisapalpatine. If you had two brain cells you would realize Rey could be upset for normal reasons ...like that in order to the Resistance to win she’s going to have to put Kylo down like a dog. Its kinda cool that Leia is her teacher (more on that later).

Soo then we spend the next hour on a pointless adventure with the Trio™. Which would be fun, if they were ever established as a Trio. Arguably the real trio might be Rose-Finn-Poe. More on Rose later. Here is a list of incomprehensible things that happen here:

Kylo reforges his mask. Because Reasons? The knights of Ren. Because Reasons?

A handful of force bond scenes. The first one actually isn’t half bad. By wearing the mask, Kylo is rejecting the intimacy inherent to the connection because he is about to defile it. Grabbing Rey’s necklace is a physical and emotional violation. It's the first time he has ever used the connection for personal gain. The other connection scenes mostly just play around with the two of them being able to pass each other stuff. They lack the careful editing of TLJ connection scenes. Disclaimer: I’m a pretty hard core Reylo and these scenes really lacked the magic they previously had.This might be un-purpose Kylo is clearly pretty lost as this point. Dull, lacking in heart like so much of this film.

Kylo becomes a cartoon power ranger villian spouting Palpatine exposition and attempting to create suspense by almost catching the trio a couple times. Some of the dialogue is almost Revenge of the Sith Anakin level awkward. It lacks both the unstable angry energy of FA or the sad tired boi energy of TLJ.

Rey makes force lighting because I guess she was upset and it's a genetic ability now???

Poe gets a female love interest, becuase hes heterosexual. HeTeroSeXUal.

Poe and Finn flirt for a whole hour while Poe checks out some new chick and Finn now has a harem thing kinda.

Poe is now a spice trader. BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S THE HAN SOLO OF THE TRILOGY. Let's just forget that TLJ establishes that Poe is his own character, probably loyal to the resistance since birth. His parents are rebellion alumni.

Two death fake outs. I don’t know why they had to give 3PO his memories back. He lost them at the end of the Prequels and R2 loved him anyway. Chewbacca capture was a missed opportunity to get some resolution to him shooting Kylo in the gut.

Hux is the spy. Lovely. He is the ultimate weak bitch. Tbh the most consistent character development. Arguably my favorite detail on the entire film. Perfect execution. Domhnall Gleason is a gift.

Now onto Endor. Endor has so much potential and squanders most of it.

Finn meets other people who left the stormtrooper program. Cool. Weird how it's tied to force sensitivity. I like the idea of the force putting Poe and Finn in the right place at the right time, but I think to imply people’s ability to escape slavery is tied to force sensitivity brings us to the problematic terrority of the sequels. Also the only one who talks to Finn is also black. And Clearly has a romantic vibe. Okay…..

The Rey Palpatine thing is made explicit. Even though anyone will half a brain figured it out 90 minutes ago. More wierd implications…..who would agree to fuck an old man Palpatine? So Rape i guess. Rey’s parents were normal...is this some kinda side material hook to read more about them or some shit??? Kylo refers to Rey’s parents as ‘filthy junk traders’. He's right. THEY SOLD HER INTO FUCKING SLAVERY. However Rey’s parents are good people??? WTF THIS IS THE JEDI COUNCIL ALL OVER AGAIN.

Soo Kylo destroys the wayfinder to force Rey to work with him. Anti-Reylos will often get their panties in a twist about how it’s an ‘abusive relationship’. This is the only scene that really comes off as manipulative- in a way it never did in TLJ. Partly because they play up this idea of power-hungry Kylo (which has little basis in reality. In FA he just wanted to make Snoke his daddy. And TLJ Kylo is just soo fucking lonely) rather than sad boi Kylo trying to hold onto someone. Damn the TLJ throne scene is soo careful with getting that energy right, balancing the heartbreak with a little gaslighting (sorry off topic). Then They Fight. Kylo doesn’t even pull out a saber at first because he literally has no intention of killing her. Rey fights because she's mad. Leia decides to intervene at this time, which is weird because Kylo still has no intention of hurting Rey. Apparently Leia sending Kylo a text is enough to freak him out. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE TIME FOR FLASHBACKS, MAYBE A ‘YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE’ TO TIE HIM BACK TO HIS NAMESAKE.

Instead Rey gets him in the gut. She then heals him, something that should have been really intimate. This would have been time to kiss him in that wistful ‘ I wanted to know what it would be like before I exile myself forever way’. This is one of the scenes that desperately needed more breathing room AND GIVE KYLO SOME FUCKING DIALOGUE YOU COWARDS. Healing him combined with Leia stuff should have reduced Kylo to a pile of tears. I think he would find it completely overwhelming that someone thinks he is worth it, worth a part of their life source, worth their final breathes.

Oh woah surprise Han Solo. This kinda works for me because unlike robot Leia and fairy godmother Luke, Han looks alive. Plus Han is only a memory so Kylo has to save himself, make his own choice. Aww fuck this got me the closest to tears becuase he looks so fucking sad about the fact that he can’t go home. Damn you Adam Driver and you’re big weepy eyes. His mother is dead and I don’t think he ever truly realized that she wanted him back. I guess with the way things went with Luke, he just assumed he was unwanted. Even now, Han is the only one of the 3 Ben can really imagine taking him back. Who knew Han was such a softie. At the same time there is something so unintentionally sad about the fact that Ben’s whole family can become force ghosts and not a single one gives enough of a shit about him to show up at the turning point of his life.

Also the implication that Ben turns to protect Leia’s lifework is strange. Leia’s legacy is the Rebellion, a democratic senate, a planet wiped off the map, NOT SKYWALKER JEDI #2 JJ!!!!! Ben doesn’t even interact with any of the larger powers at work, he just saves Rey.

Also while Ben’s guilt and shame about killing Han (his true sin) keep him on the dark side, this doesn’t address the 8 million other reasons he left the light. Also why do Leia and Rey never discuss this???? His own fucking family repeatedly rejected him because of his ‘Vadar-ness’ which is ironic considering…….

Then we cut to Rey’s fairy godmother-esque trip to Ahch-To where she arms herself with all of the Skywalker’s personal effects:

Mad that Rian Johnson denied you that ESB fanservice call-back of Luke being able to pull his x-wing out of water?? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered.

Mad that Leia didn’t have lightsaber? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered, Leia was always prepared to be a back up to Luke because she doesn’t have her own perspective or anything or like a whole fucking political system to run. Also she stopped training because apparently completing her journey would end in Ben’s death...ooo SmArT foreshadowing that Rey using her lightsaber will end in one dead Ben boi.

Leia and Luke ALWAYS knew about Rey Palps. Which is funny because they threw their own flesh and blood in the trash because he seemed kinda Vader-y. I guess it's wrong to judge people by their bloodlines unless its your own bloodline. I can’t even.

There is no mention of Ben at all- even though Leia and Luke both died for him and Rey put her whole heart into saving him.

Now to Exeger or whatever again. Almost two hours in and we’re back at the planet we were on in the first 5 minutes.

Spaceship stuff happens. Take out your checklist to get those pilot and ship cameos. Ooo look its The Ghost! OG trilogy pilot! Lando is there! WOOO! Poe’s girlfriend lived somehow!

Ben’s last words are ‘Ow’.

Palps wants Rey to kill him because I guess that will make her evil? Since when does killing people make you evil? I don’t think killing Palps to save the world in the same as ‘striking your enemies down in hatred’ or whatever.

Oh Hey Ben is here. Palps doesn’t care much I guess even though trolling Skywalkers is his whole life’s passion.

Palps drains the life out of Ben/Rey. They don’t die. Ben goes flying into a pit. Rey has to face Palps alone because I guess even though Ben/Rey are stronger together and are cosmically linked the lone jedi thing will happen anyway?? Is feminism about doing everything on your own rather than building meaningful connections with your equal partner. Honestly only Men would think a women has to do everything alone to prove her worth, Rey has been wanting allies and family her whole life LET HER HAVE IT.

Also okay sooo Palps did technically kill Rey’s parents and she had about a whole 5 minutes to think about that. Multiple generations of Ben’s family have been tortured by this guy, so I think it would be rather cathartic to see him play a bigger role in the end of Palp.

Rey enters the Avatar State. Cue more fanservice cameos (I love you Ahsoka, but you said it yourself, you ain’t a jedi). In another backhanded slap to TLJ were back on the TheJediDidNothingWrong line of thinking. Anakin is present ...I wonder if anyone else is interested in talking to him…...

Rey dies. I’m not sure why. Palps legit sucked the life of her and she lived, but the Avatar State killed her.

Ben crawls out of pit. Damn Adam Driver has legs for days. He heals Rey, its kinda sweet but it's also really really weird that he hasn’t said anything. Not saying we need an over the top love declaration but even his emotionally constipated parents managed to get an ‘I love you’ out.

Ben saves Rey. The thing Anakin thought the dark side would give him the power to do. Interesting bookend. Sad that my boy has such low self preservation, he gives her his life without hesitation. Why do we have to die for other people? It’s much harder to have to live for other people. To move and grow beyond the past. To try and be our best everyday, even when its hard. Isn’t that real redemption?

Ben kisses Rey. Awww. Its missing some of the elements of a big romantic drama kiss, which I would be okay with ...if it was followed up with a big romantic kiss with a sunset on a new planet before the credits roll. Alas this does not happen. The audience is somewhat befuddled since their had been almost no dialogue referencing their emotional connections. The ‘no one knows me./I do.’ dialogue from the trailer did not appear in film.

Ben smiles. It has all the boyish charm and innocence Anakin wished he had in the prequels. Aww he really has never kissed anyone. I wonder when the last time he smiled was. HAS THIS MAN EVER HAD A GOOD DAY HIS ENTIRE LIFE. I am emotionally moved until approximately 2 seconds later….

Ben dies. There is no funeral. No mention. Rey doesn’t shed a single tear. This dude literally gave you his life without hesitation. Is Reylo one-sided? Or at least not equally felt? Ow. U The Resistance doesn’t wonder what happened to the Supreme leader. We know at the end of TLJ Luke became a legend, I do not think this happens to Ben.

The Resistance parties. Cue Return of the Jedi film reel. Poe and Finn are heterosexual. No resolution to the stupid ReyFinn force sensitve thing. Two women kiss. It will be cut out of the Chinese release.

Rey buries the lightsabers on Tatooine because you know Luke lived there and Leia once wore a metal bikini there. Rey choose the name Rey Skywalker. Which is interesting because she didn’t get along that well with Luke. She finished her training with Leia Organa Solo, Princess of Alderaan who just happens to have been a result of a sperm donation from Anakin Skywalker. She found a father figure in Han Solo. She loved a guy named Ben Solo. I’m not saying she should name herself Rey Solo, but it certainly is better than Rey Skywalker. I mean it's almost like a person's worth and ability aren’t dependent on either a bloodline or acceptance into the galaxies most powerful family. Rey nobody would have been fine. I’m not going to get into the feminist angle of a self made women tying herself to the legacy of a man. Cue theaterwide groaning.

Twin suns. Cool. I liked them better in The Last Jedi.

Rey has a yellow-ish lightsaber and maybe made out of her staff. Wonder where she got the crystals from and why they didn’t introduce it earlier. Possible implication she's going the way of the ‘grey’ jedi? idk some Jedi have yellow actually. Ahsoka had a yellow one. Not sure since this film is back on the JediwayisBest bullshit.

We see Luke and Leia's force ghosts. Ben’s last word was ‘ow’.

In Summary, some odd implications:

Rey Palpatine is quite possibly the worst idea of all time. Worse than midichlorians. The highest level of fanboy pandering and Rian Johnson erasure. Rey has a lot of very real things to be angry about - her rough childhood, the deaths of her mentors, loving someone as dense as Ben Solo, having to come to terms with the fact that her parents didn’t love her.

Return to prequel-esque thinking on slavery. Apparently it is not that bad if you sell someone as long as you do it with LOVE.

Making Finn force sensitive is not character development. Its just half assed pandering and additional exposition in a film filled with exposition.

There is some truly awful dialogue in this film. Its shot composition and editing is so sloppy compared to FA or TLJ.

The force in balance means killing everyone on the darkside.

Rose is completely sidelined. She is the only Asian character on screen. She is seemingly replaced with a black woman who has a similar background to Finn and is a scavenger like Rey. Yikes. Why does this feel like an anti-interacial relationship thing.

Said Black women Jarrah talks to Lando, another black character in a bizarre dialogue that vaguely implies all black people are related. I might be really misreading this, but its weird. I would have liked her to talk to Rose instead because female solidarity.

FinnPoe is played up a LOT. But we are also repeatedly reminded they are attracted to women. This does not feel like woke Bisexual culture. This is pandering without making a commitment.

Rey’s worth as a character is related to her connection to powerful people in the Star Wars mythos, not her own traits.

Ben’s character resonates really strongly with abuse victims and outsiders. His lack of dialogue strips him of a lot of his agency. His estrangement from his family is not resolved. Vader, who arguably did a lot worse things gets a whole dying monologue and force ghost thing.

Oh hey C3PO said the festival is every 42 year old….OG came out 42 years ago. heh.

In Summary:

Watch the Clone Wars animated series

Fall in love with Ahsoka

Watch Star Wars Rebels or at least all the episodes with Ahsoka and also the series finale, it's got some cool force stuff in it.

Think about the cool force stuff in Star Wars Rebels and the cool force stuff in The Last Jedi. Woah.

Apply all this cool force stuff to your own personal version of the Rise of Skywalker

Wait for clone wars finale Feb 2020

Rinse and Repeat

Peg Kylo Ren

Oscar Isaac is the Captain on the FinnPoe Ship.

The Last Jedi was the Best One. Fight Me.

Find the fanfiction where Rey tells him what a good boi he is which reduces him to a puddle. Find the fanfiction where he cries during sex the first time, the second time, every time. Find the fanfiction where his force ghost gets a hug, where his family welcomes his back.

Read Fanfiction:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852886

What I would do instead:

Delete Rey Palpatine

Ditch the mask. You have a fucking Oscar nomiated actor hiding under it.

After the Endor part, have Kylo join either Rey or the Resistance. Personally I think him hitching a ride on the Falcon would have been wonderfully awkward. And maybe give some closure the calling Finn a ‘traitor’ thing. This is fanservice-y, but no more fanservice-y than the rest of the film. And maybe finally answer the question of who does/doesnt know who Kylo Ren is. Would like a verbal declaration that he identifies as Ben Solo or least Ben or something.

Ben can still die I guess but maybe give him some kinda funeral. Or reuse the golden dice symbolism.

Slow everything done. Let the audience feel sad, feel happy. Oh and cut out those fucking death fake outs.

#tros #rambling #reylo #spoilers #rey #Rey of Jakku no last name given #why did i write this #catharthis #ben solo

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buffythedragonqueen · 5 years ago

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Why do they keep telling us we should stop dreaming of a better world? The Game of Thrones Finale

I will not lie: I am a nerd, and I had really studied before the last season started. In addition to that, for full disclosure, I had already bent the knee to Daenerys Targaryen in book 1, I stand by her, always will, and wanted Daenerys and Jon to rule together (I know, they are related, but it is the Middle Ages in Europe, it does not matter). However, the ending of Game of Thrones has been ... confusing. Confusing for me as a human really.

I shall be forever grateful to the actors and the crew: all aspects of the show (but the writing) were unbelievable, glorious, and should be covered, showered, with awards, but the writing ... should not. MIND THE SPOILERS Aside from what was already said - the rushed plot that made no sense (so all the studying I did went out of the window), the trashed 10-years-long character developments, and countless wasted opportunities for potentially amazing dialogues (e.g. Daenerys and Cersei, Sansa and Cersei, etc.) - I was left bewildered and angry, with many questions about society, and the role of art in changing the world. Isn’t the role of art to remind us, and teach us, how to fight for ideas? For freedom, for equality, for justice?

I will be even more honest. I was triggered by the last 3 episodes, yet I kept watching, in the hope that the ending would have showed me what I had hoped to see. Eventually, to cope with the loss of Daenerys Targaryen (which never happened in my head, denial is always the way),

and the disappointment, and the anger, and for the sole purpose of catharsis, I even dared to start writing what I would have wanted to see as conclusion of the show, which I linked here. And probably I will write myself a season 9 as a sequel for the show: I am no writer, no psychologist, so this is merely my attempt to overwrite that last season in my brain, with the messages I would have wanted to see delivered by the end of the show, as opposed to what I saw. I am mildly ashamed of what I am writing, it is maybe sentimental, possibly derivative, maybe poorly written, but that is not the point here: I had to express somewhere the ideas for which I wanted this show to fight, instead of perpetrating restraining and negative cliches. Watching the finale, I was left with many questions:

Why do they keep showing us toxic masculinity, instead of nice men?

Why are sex addicts sold as “average men”? The final all- males-council discussing brothels was appalling, not funny, appalling!

Why did they have one of the most powerful glorious female character in the history of literature gaslighted and killed by her boyfriend, who until that moment was one of the best positive male character ever written in the history of literature; he was courageous and sweet, generous and just and non-ambitious, a non-macho positive nice man. Why did they turn a perfectly nice guy into a murderer? Is there no way out? Why did they need to ruin Jon Snow, and leave us with Bronn and Tyrion? Seriously, Bronn? Seriously….Bronn? Jon, previously lovely Jon, left the stage to these sex addicts, for a spiral of hopelessness: should I infer from this that men are spineless, murderers, rapist, sex addicts, gamblers, liars, otherwise women put them in the firendzone (e.g. Jorah, Daario).

So gents, those of you who are nice, will never be loved. Ladies, pets (cats, dogs, ferrets,…) are the solution. Pets.

Why do we keep seeing sexism, instead of feminism? Specifically:

Why do we keep seeing double standards: if a male ruler executes traitors is acceptable, but if a female ruler does the same thing it means she is mad? Daenerys had executed a bunch of enemies, as any king would do, yet in her case these were clues of madness. Oh well, we women are too emotional, aren’t we? (sense the sarcasm there) Sit still, look pretty, ladies. And do not forget to smile.

Why do we keep seeing that men judge women for every. single. thing. even though they are not really in a position to talk? Why did we see Tyrion and Varys (two men) discussing whether Daenerys was fit to rule, after she gathered the biggest army ever seen, saved everybody from the dead, actually fought into battle (while Tyrion and Varys were hiding in the crypts)? And why did we see a male character suggesting a man is more suitable than a woman to rule? It was one of the most appalling misogynist scenes I have ever watched in my life. Until a man told a man to execute a woman, without a trial, which brings me to my next question;

Is it ok that if man kills a woman, if he thinks it is right? Why was it represented as a heroic decision? She could have died in thousands of ways, yet the manipulated boyfriend, the only person she trusted, that killed her when she was vulnerable, with no explanation at all, no discussion aside from some ambiguous questions, seemed like a good idea; why?

Why did we see Brienne of Tarth, a warrior, writing about the man who had dumped her. in her nightgown. for his sister. after a superfluous-for-the-narrative one night thing. Why didn’t she write about herself? Why was she crying? Why did Cersei Lannister die crying? And of a death by brick, of all deaths? Why were all the women - warriors, mind- crying, pouring their hearts to undeserving men?

Between us, I was already angry at the conversation Daenerys had with the King in the North Jon, when he decided to bend the knee after Daenerys flew beyond the wall to save him (7thseason, episode “Beyond the Wall”). Daenerys says “I hope I deserve it”. OK. You raised 3 dragons, endured starvation, violence, gathered armies and fleets, freed cities from slavers, and lost a dragon to save him from his idiotic decisions: You bl**dy fu***ng do deserve it! Why did we see her asking for his approval?

Why are people with mental health issues feared and abandoned, instead of helped and supported? The mad-queen-twist was justified by the writers with a “there were clues” chorus. In my opinion it was not justified at all: there were clues she had occasional, and rare, anger management issues, and, in season 8, depression and anxiety; these could be a result of her PTSD, since she was sold and raped, and starved, and had to dodge people who wanted to kill her in many occasions, and not necessarily it had to be a hereditary trait. The people around her, and also the man who was supposed to love her, instead of building a support network around her and helping her, killed her. Too often individuals with mental health issues are ostracised, and treated with contempt, rather than sustained, so to me it would have been interesting to see a resolution of her problems (assuming she had any), rather than her impending doom.

Why was rape described as an occasion to become stronger? Why are we afraid to say what rape actually does to women? To victims? Why do we need to think that women recover and become stronger? Some do not recover at all. Some kill themselves. Why are we afraid of saying it? It is not true that all that does not kill you makes you stronger: if it does not kill you as a whole, sometimes it has killed a part of you. As for the strength, I think that pain makes you impervious. It is love that makes you stronger.

Why do they keep showing us competition between women, instead of sisterhood? Seeing Sansa and Arya fighting Daenerys for no apparent reason, was very disappointing. Seeing Sansa plotting against Daenerys, after the growth her character had in season 7 (”I am a slow learner, but I learn.”) was really sad: I was looking forward to team Dany-Sansa-Arya-Missandei-Brienne against the world, with packs of wolves and dragons as weapons. That did not happen. Of course.

Why did we see weird racist scenes? The only woman of colour of the show died in chains. In chains. I do not think I have to add anything.

Humans came out destroyed in this finale, as, apparently, one cannot change, ever: one is stuck with the hand one was dealt in the beginning, no matter the experiences, the fighting, the hopes, the work one has done on oneself; if one is born a slave, will die a slave; if born with anger management issues will not stop until everybody is dead (even though one had a spoiler about it years before, at the House of the Undying); there is no way out from toxic relationships; if born alone, even if technically the king, will still die alone; love does not conquer all, if one gets manipulated well enough; and men can judge a woman, and, even without a trial, sentence her to death.

To me, the misogyny, the emotional and physical abuse, and toxic masculinity represented in the last three episodes of the show, represent the culture we are trying to fight, not the one that I would have wanted to stream to 60000000 people, including young adults, abused women, and people that hoped to see a message of hope, giving the dark times we are living: brave, sweet, courageous, honest, generous, smart, and mighty women and men, that work together for a better world; a world where there is redemption, freedom, diversity, and where people fight for what is important.

For some reason, at some point, happy endings have started to be considered derivative. But people need hope. Young people need to be inspired, people who suffer need role models to help them overcome their pain. “Then they should not have watched Game of Thrones.” you say? I disagree. The show left the classic dichotomy between good and evil, and had complex characters that lived in the spectrum in between. The characters had the complexity of life into them.

The greatness of the show, to me, was that most characters had overturned their destiny. If the final season had been written differently, GoT finale could have been the script for the resistance against violence, injustice, sexism, toxic relationships, defeat. It was not.

I just want to add this: what they showed us is not true. Never stop fighting for what is important, even if it seems silly (like getting angry for the last episode of a TV show): it does not mean one will necessarily win, it does not mean there will not be pain, but we can change this world into a better one. We can change ourselves, we can be kind to one another, we can support people who suffer, we can support minorities. We can defeat the monsters, the ones in others, the ones in ourselves. We can break the wheel.

“Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?” Robert Browning

“Our fathers were evil men. All of us here. They left the world worse than they found it. We’re not going to do that. We’re going to leave the world better than we found it” – Daenerys Targaryen

#television #hbo #sexism #toxic masculinity #women #patriarchy #daenerys targaryen #jon snow #sansa stark #a song of ice and fire #game of thrones #finale #seriously wtf #mental health #everyday sexism #emmys2019 #cersei lannister #brienne of tarth #i stand by daenerys

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that-shipper-type-fangirl · 7 years ago

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Everything anon wanted to know and wasn’t afraid to ask part 2 :D

request

WH:

MC: In general, I can't really identify myself with her; she's a pure young girl while I'm a rotten, pervert woman :"D However, in the second seasons (at least as far as I read them) - she improved so much! Not like a woman though, but a wizard, but that's also nice to see, I'm so proud of our little Lizzie now ^^ <3Elias: Such a cutie. I love cuties. Though I also like bossy guys too so I can’t decide if I like him or Klaus more. No, please, just don’t ask me to decide! >_< Luca: I have that headcanon that he’s bisexual. Is it okay that despite this, I find him hot!? It’s not that I like every bad boy, but he has special… circumstances. Have I ever mentioned how obsessed I’m with royal guys? Oh, maybe just a thousand times. Yukiya: I’d like him anyway, but as he was the very first character I played in WH, he’ll be always special to me <3 Yeah, I’m a bit sentimental and I always remember the first characters in games like my first loves xD But I must mention one more thing: I want to meet his family! I don’t remember how many siblings he has, but it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m sure I say regularly, but I have a strong attraction to older brothers… Randy: his story is my favorite, but he’s not my favorite guy. Is it a contradiction? I don’t think so. His story is complex, tragic, full of mysteries at first, it was interesting to read. But as a guy… of course, he’s cute but I always thought I’d rather be his best friend. Stuffing our heads with sweets, doing crazy things, having fun etc. instead of romantic interactions. I don’t have any problem with him as a guy, I’m just not sure if there is enough chemistry between us like lovers. Azusa: he’s a misunderstood character! How can anyone say that he’s a jerk? There IS a difference between being a jerk just because why not, and being a jerk because he’s deceived, broken-hearted, mentally unstable because of several personal reasons. He’s not a bad person, he’s a good person manipulated by bad things. I don’t agree that it’s okay to act like him in a relationship! But hey, MC heals his heart, isn’t it still a great story? :) Klaus: asdfghasdf I’m horny… Okay, now he IS an actual jerk. He acts like he does because of his own decisions, not because he is manipulated by something. But… can’t we be optimistic just a little bit? I mean okay, he’s strict, but let’s see the good side of this: MC needed that strictness. Joel: I constantly have two things in my mind everytime I see him. 1st: when he appears in another guy’s route, a piece of my heart dies. Seriously. How sad can it be to see your love of life with another guy, without her remembering you? T_____T I can’t bear it… 2nd: in his own route… he wants MC to look him like a guy, without comparing him to June. Can you imagine how much thirst he has to prove his manliness? Every time he kisses MC, his kiss must be deep and passionate. When he makes love to her, he must show off all his skills as a man, and as he waited years for her, I don’t think he can hold himself back, he’s very possessive… but at the same time, as he loves deeply MC, he constantly fights with his selfish desires as he tries not to hurt her… awww I’ve already written Joel lemon, but I want more… T__T Vincent: Handsome and confident, but not jerk, protective and supports MC. The hottest of all the hotties! Haters, please just stop talking about his old he is… because he’s not old! Of course, he’s not a boy, but not being a boy doesn’t mean that he’s old! Anyway, I think he resembles mostly a real-life guy. He’s not a psycho, not tsundere, not a total bad boy, still, he’s not that all lovey-dovey romantic prince type. I personally think that most of the guys are like this: they don’t fall in love so easily as girls, needs some motivating to accept their own feelings, but it doesn’t mean they are all bad people. And Vincent… I can totally understand his way of thinking about love after hearing his about his past. And I’m very-very proud of myself that I could hold back my fangirling for his uniform until the end of the paragraph. LET THE FANGIRLING BEGIN!!! Leon: Well, I found his story lovely and emotional, and he is an interesting character. Not because of his race, but it’s interesting to see how he learns about emotions and tries to be a better person. Still… my body reacts better for guys like Klaus or Vincent, I’m sorry >_< But my platonic love will never fade, don’t worry my sweet angel! <3 /friendzoned Cerim: I like knights or knight-like guys in general. But it’s more important to talk about how MC got stronger in his route. I really like how she tries his best to share his burden, now she’s not just a damsel in distress. I like Cerim’s story, but I’m afraid my deepest crush in this mystery series is Guy… >_< Saella and MC were more interesting in his story than he, the main character itself. Also, the way how he looks isn't my type of guy. Well, it happens, not all the otome game guys are my type xD Guy: Can we stop for a moment to talk about how cute he is? He has his own problems due to his family, yet he doesn't act like a jerk (or like Luca xD) Despite his problems, he's cheerful and he doesn't treat MC like a piece of trash, moreover, he's sweeeeeet :3 He's a really good boyfriend material :)Glenn: His story was okay with the mystery around his village, but the way how he constantly friendzones MC made me tired. I know he doesn't do it on purpose, still it killed the chemistry between us. Sorry babe :* Leslie: He looks like Luca with brown hair. His personality is not the same, fortunately (yeah, I'm a fangirl of Luca, yet I admit he's awful xD) But even if he's not totally a copy-paste, his route didn't leave a very deep impression on me. Yeah, it was averagely entertaining, but I didn't feel when I finished that "OMG how will I recover from this love?" *shrugs* Sigurd: I like that type of character who you get to know only slowly. There are many layers, stories and feelings under the surface he shows to the world. He's a well-written character who managed make me forget how I started to get bored of WH recently.Mel: Younger than MC but looks older, clueless about love but a genius in his field... if he had dark hair, he would be literally my fiancée :"D Beside the sadist guys (like Raymond or Klaus), my other type is the "shota", I'd corrupt these cuties :3

Amelia: I ask her route from Santa again and again. It will never happen, but I won’t give up. She’s supporting, cheerful and not lame if the topic is love… ;-) Sometimes I ship her with different guys, but my main ship of hers will be always she x MC :D Ronny and Chica: they wanted to be cute side-kicks like Taffy - they turned out to be annoying :/ They have good moments though, but I say they aren't so original and funny like Taffy. Headmaster Randolph: he’s always a mystery to me, sometimes he looks like he’s something omniscient being on the Academy, and sometimes he doesn’t know about stuff. But doesn’t matter, I think he’s a great teacher; I wish I could have teachers like him… :/ Prof. Merkulova: I can’t understand what SWD did with him. There is a character. We don’t have many teachers in the school in the game, but he is one. Girls like him. He has dark secrets. And still, he rarely gets attention! I’m not especially his fangirl, I don’t say I wish they would release his route, but he is an interesting character so he could have gotten more role. Prof. Schuyler: ohohohohoho, this is my topic ;-) My opinion about him? *throws feelings into the crowd, here, have all of my feelings* He keeps his words and tries his best to protect the one who was important to someone important. I try not to say spoilers so word repetition FTW xD Loyal guys are hot! Also, I don’t think he could be one of the three mages, a royal attendant wizard or such a skilled teacher if he wouldn’t be smart. Strong wizards are hot! He never joined the dark side. Unwavering guys are hot! And why do some people say he’s not good-looking? He’s a badass guy with quite a difficult past, of course, he has a strict expression on his face! Though I’m curious about his smiling or soft face too… Argh, I’m so fckng hopeless! Months ago I wrote: "I’m not sure how long I can hold back to write a sequel to the Schuyler fanfic I wrote" Now let me announce: since it's time for sequels, something is on the way here too... ;)

#shall we date #otome game #shall we date wizardess heart #wizardess heart

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 7 years ago

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Call Me By Your Name

I can’t remember the last time I have had so many ~feelings~ during a movie. Because listen, I am all about this queer shit right here (^see above^) but I was almost crushed by the amount of Oscar buzz, internet-based expectations, and sheer anticipation around this movie. And watching this movie was a WILD RIDE - through no fault of the filmmakers, I watched this film in a half-full theater of the most uncomfortable people in the metro area, apparently. Did you know this movie was a comedy? Me neither! But according to the two guys sitting in the row behind us, who gave a chuckle after 80% of the spoken lines (and sometimes to still shots of hilarious things like an open window; a lighted menorah; A FUCKING MOUNTAIN), this film is a goddamn laugh riot. Also, shout out to the throat-clearers, who, as Fiancee pointed out, were in fine voice the moment a pair of boobs appeared on the screen. What even was this cinematic experience? Was it possible to enjoy this critically beloved movie at all? Well...

I am kind of sad that I didn’t love it as much as I thought I would, overall. However, I did love some things more than I ever expected, which somewhat balances out my disappointment. Mostly I just had so. many. thoughts.

Some thoughts:

First of all, the film looks beautiful because it’s set in northern Italy. I feel like you could point a camera at a clump of dirt in northern Italy and it would still look beautiful. But the direction was definitely purposeful at all times, so much so that I was distracted by it. I can’t decide if being an excellent director means making the way the movie was shot look effortless or it it means what happened here, which was me thinking in every scene, “Huh. That’s interesting he chose to shoot it like that.” Luca Guadagnino might be a genius, or he might just be kind of pretentious. I honestly have no idea.

I didn’t think I would be so uncomfortable with the age difference between Elio and Oliver, but the fact that Armie Hammer looks like he is a HARD 31 (Fiancee thought he was a hot 40 the whole time), and Timothee Chalamet actually looks 17 made some scenes feel surprisingly predatory to me.

Speaking of, maybe it was just me, but I’m honestly unsure why Oliver was interested in Elio in the first place. It’s obviously super easy to see why Elio was into Oliver (1. look at him. 2. etymology talks with dad get any young man’s pulse racing. 3. he’s honestly just really cool, he’s a cool guy who exudes coolness. 4. tiny shorts.) I felt like the romantic tension was incredibly one-sided until well into the movie, and I was surprised by that. Of course Elio is brilliant and plays piano, but I just didn’t feel like they had many interactions in which Elio did something interesting or charming unknowingly while Oliver’s interest ratcheted up another notch. In fact, Oliver cites the volleyball game as when he first tried to show interest in Elio, which was about 2 days after he arrived at the house - was he just that instantly attracted to a 17-year-old boy? Are we expected to be as well, as audience members? It honestly felt like the same type of relationship buildup as in any teen comedy - after the main characters kiss, the focus turns for a minute to the sidekicks, who share a witty line or two and then kiss as well, even though they have been in no scenes together and have nothing in common. It felt like compulsory straightness, only...gay. We know these characters are going to be together, so you don’t have to do a lot of work showing us why.

Also, why DOES anyone like 17-year-old boys? Why did *I* like 17-year-old boys? Because when you’re 17, you don’t know any better. Oliver is supposed to be, what, 24? I get that Elio is a piano prodigy, and he’s clearly very, very smart, but I just don’t understand the appeal. They’re just a MESS.

Exhibit A: Boys are disgusting. I wasn’t even that turned off by the infamous peach scene - my main issue is that BEFORE the moment of fruition, as it were, he pulls out the peach pit and just throws it across his room to land on the floor - not once, but twice! What are you, a fucking animal? I KNOW there’s a trash can in that house. Find it.

This sounds like I hated everything, but I didn’t - once they finally do acknowledge their feelings, the story of their relationship is treated quite delicately and beautifully. Knowing they have so little time before Oliver leaves makes every moment especially poignant, and that did hit me hard. Anyone who’s ever been in a long-distance relationship or had a relationship that you knew was going to end on a specific day can understand that mixed joy and dread of every moment passing.

The way they physically moved around each other once they decided to give in to their attraction was so real it was almost shocking. I think I’m so used to fictional sexual encounters in movies, tv, and even books, to be treated with more polish and finesse, so it was honestly refreshing to see these uncoordinated men just filled with a desire to touch and fumbling every second.

I may not understand Oliver’s attraction to Elio, but TIMOTHEE CHALAMET is a completely different thing - it’s not that I found him desirable so much as I could not keep my eyes off him. Every minute he is onscreen, I was just pulled to him - his performance is the reason this film has even half the accolades it does, and I desperately hope he wins Best Actor for this work. The final shot of his face, held for about 2 minutes, is just breathtaking. I was so, so impressed by him.

The dad’s final speech is the only part of the film that made me cry, and should be taught in schools as the blueprint for how to talk to kids about their sexuality (any sexuality).

My own personal soapbox - I’ve only heard this film talked about in terms of its gay love story, its gay protagonists, etc. I had no idea going in that Elio had a girlfriend, Marzia, who would actually be a pretty large role in the movie, and who he seemed to genuinely care for and be attracted to. Its the 80s, everything is cloaked in metaphor and innuendo, I get it - I don’t expect Elio to claim he’s bisexual when he can’t even come out and say that he’s attracted to Oliver (”Is there anything you don’t know about?” “Not about things that matter.” “What things are those?” “You know what things.” OH MY GOD, this scene annoyed me so much, but again, I get it, I get it). However, could the people reporting ABOUT the movie maybe remember that bisexuality exists? Or that this could just be a queer love story? Words mean things, people. I know it’s easier, but gay is not the default setting if you really mean queer.

TL;DR this movie is beautiful, but feels surprisingly off in some fundamental ways. I loved parts of it, but was disappointed by others. Marzia deserved better. Definitely won’t eat a peach for awhile. Probably gonna read the book.

#118in2018 #call me by your name #cmbyn movie #cmbyn #call me by your name review #timothee chalamet #armie hammer #movie reviews #film reviews

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aficaria · 7 years ago

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Lucis in the Rain

I had decided to get myself back into writing. And in all honesty, I’m actually really trying. New styles here and there and maybe I might actually push myself to up my vocabulary game and also my word count.

Anyways, Happy 2018!

Yes, I know it’s 5 days late. But better late than never. And comments and critics are always welcome as I’m trying my best to improve! If anything, any opinions would be taken in seriously in time for my newest fic.

Title: Lucis in the Rain Pairing: Lightning Farron x Noctis Lucis Caelum Length: ?? I have no idea. AO3 ULR: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13276860

Without further ado;

Planning wasn't in Noctis' forte.

If anything, most of the planning work goes to Ignis. He is the beast of strategies, of accuracies and surprises. And if being Noctis' future personal adviser is anything to go by-- Ignis is just the best mother in any situation. The one ready to spoil Noctis when given the opportunity to do so.

At least until now.

Thing was, Ignis had blatantly rejected Noctis' plead to plan out the best night with a certain pinkette. It was New Years Eve; and for Astrals sake, Noctis just wants to put on a good impression on that lady. Lightning wasn't one to be half assed with. But Ignis had turned down those pitiful blue orbs down with a straight forward, “It’s your date, not mine.”

And with that Noctis had the most stressful week to plan out the best Date™. From having to choose the right places to go, to finding out what suits Lightning’s schedule and what is her preferences. And ultimately, Noctis had begun to swear to Ignis for not at least helping out because this is the first time the prince had done something remotely tiring.

And by the Gods if being half ass wasn't Noctis' only attribute.

So here they are, both young adults crowded under one flimsy umbrella, soaking through their garments. And to be more accurate of the situation, the umbrella wasn't even the prince's. It was luck on his part that the young soldier had brought one upon request of her younger sister. So nope, Noctis was not prepared at all.

The young prince's demeanor was calm but for the love of God; he was having a mental breakdown. Of all things he had to forget when planning this excuse of a date was the weather. The rain was building up and the wind was getting stronger. And there's still an hour left till the fireworks.

Noctis just wants to jump into the nearest trash bin.

"Are you tired?"

"No. This is nothing compared to patrol duty." The female soldier simply shrugged before raising a brow at the man beside her. "How about you? Are you tired?"

Noctis shook his head, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. "Just worried for you. Isn't it cold? I mean with you wearing those short sleeves and everything."

Pale Aqua eyes continued to stare at the male beside her. The prince may be reticent but he's easy enough for long time friends to be read. Even after knowing him for maybe a year or so, the pinkette grew accustomed to the prince’s reserved self. If not for her training as a soldier, it was obvious from his demeanor that he was actually getting tired from standing under the rain. If not for his weight shifting, the slouching of his shoulders would’ve given it away.

Plus, he couldn't be any more obvious to his own personal suffering. Lightning knew of the prince's constant whinning from none other than Ignis Scientia-- okay, maybe also from passing by a certain training room of the King's shield once a week. Though, it was kind of adorable of him to always act macho for her impression of him. But for the sake of the prince’s ego, maybe the soldier should just keep her opinions to herself.

"I'm fine." She mumbles, sticking her wet back against Noctis. Adjusting herself to stand in front of the prince. Even though this was a ‘date’, Lightning still has a duty to uphold, especially as a member of the Kingsglaive. And of course, the courts wouldn't be all that happy to find their prince to be sick the next morning. So, if standing infront of him was anything to go by, at least he had more space to shield himself from the rain. Eyes averting, keeping her attention to looking for any suspicious behavior.

Achoo--

Silence passed by both adults.

"Okay, maybe I'm getting a little cold."

"Heh, why didn't you just say so?" Letting out a little chuckle, noting how that sneeze was extremely adorable on her part. It was even cuter for her to still play aloof after. Shifting the umbrella to rest on his right shoulder, he let the umbrella's handle to drop to his right shoulder before shrugging of his bomber jacket. "Here put this on. It might help, at least the rain won't get to your shoulders."

"Thanks."

Lightning grabbed the already wet jacket from his rough hands and proceed to put them on. Immediately Noctis could feel the droplets of rain starting to seep through his somewhat damp black T-shirt. The feeling was less inviting but-- if that would mean Lightning being somewhat more comfortable than him, then so be it.

"So uhm-- why Lightning?" Glossy blue eyes stared at the woman infront.

Raising a brow at the prince, "What do you mean, why Lightning?"

"I mean, why not some other names?" Oh Ifrit, someone shut him up right now. "i-It's not like your name isn't cool or anything, but... I mean, don't you have your rights to choose the names?"

Dead silence.

Oh Gods, he may have fucked it up now. Blue orbs staring anywhere but the woman infront of him, he just doesn't wanna look at her expression. Why in the right mind would someone ask why is their name, their name. But for the love of Shiva, he was trying. And the pinkette standing infront of him knew of that. In all honesty, Lightning couldn't help but laugh at her partner, knowing that the prince's awkwardness would be his undoing one day.

"Actually, Lightning was so much better than the other name I was going to be given." She smirked, playing along with the prince's awkward curiosity. "Plus, it wasn't I who was tryna drill that name to everyone's mind. Just that, everyone back at KG dubbed me 'as quick and witty as Lightning'. And it just kind of stuck through."

"And what might that other name would be?"

"Demon bitch?" She snorts, always eager to tease the prince. "I swear, Your highness. You just keep digging that grave."

"My apologies. I didn't know that asking a really obvious question was me digging my own grave." The prince pouts, casually ignoring his own social ineptitude. "But you gotta' admit, now that the elephants out of the room-- we can talk about other things."

"Other things?" Lighting was laughing at this point, "If watching you casually making a fool of yourself is what other things are-- then I'll gladly accept it and savor it like fine red wine," she emphatises, right hand lifting up to comically swirling a crystal glass between her fingers.

The prince snorts, blue eyes glistening under the streetlights. "Is my suffering something to be make fun of, Soldier?"

"You gotta admit, it's kinda cute when you do it." The pinkette smiles genuinely at him, before turning her attention to the watch resting on her right wrist. "--besides, I think you look much better now compared to before. I think you look better confident, your Highness."

"Thanks. I'll be sure to continue being a social potato if that would mean having a positive impression for you. " He grumbled somewhat bitterly. The prince sounds totally unamused that the fellow soldier had found his social suffering enjoying while the pinkette is all perfect. The ravenette tilts the umbrella to the other side, allowing his shoulder to relax. Joking as he may be right now, he hasn't let the way Lightning has called him to slide. "And please stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Calling me anything relating to my birthright." Damp hair swaying as the ravenette shook his head in disappointment. It wasn't like he didn't like being called by his royalty. If anything, it felt degrading for anyone he considered close to him. He wants everyone to see him as an equal; because he respect his friends for whom they are.

"Would it make you feel better if I call you by your name, then?" The soldier teases, grinning now. It wasn't like she had done it on purpose. Having a job in the citadel would have obligated her duty to call anyone with higher authority the tittle they are bestowed. Plus, lighthearted banter with the future king of Lucis doesn't mean that she should be fully relaxed around him. Lightning isn't the type whom doesn't put responsibilities first. But still, it was entertaining to be with the prince like this.

There were many passerby, totally oblivious to both adults now standing under the rain for an hour and a half now. The two of them watched as they pass with slight envy, noticing how they were smart enough to bring rain coats. Though, Noctis was more desiring to have the type of relationship with the woman infront of him that he can exhibit. Lightning however, was much more envious of a certain floating object in the hands of many. The lighted balloons seem to draw the attention of the pinkette; despite her own rational mind would find that a waste of money.

Then again, if ego wasn't a word.

"Noctis."

Pale aqua eyes blinked in surprise. "Hm?"

"I'd prefer if you would call me that..." The prince explains, a hint of redness shimmering on his cheeks, his words slowly dwindle off mid sentence.

"Hmm.." Her voice sounding as if she was considering, shrugging away from the prince before turning back towards him. "I'll think about it."

"You gotta be kiddin' me." Noctis huffs, puffing his cheeks out comically; a habit he would probably wouldn't let go. "Light, I swear to Astrals--"

"Noctis."

"W-what?" Blue orbs staring at pale aqua ones.

Noctis hadn't thought that the Kingsglaive woman would've actually given in so easily. With how the conversation was going on, he would've actually thought that the pinkette would go on about responsibilities and the hierarchy of the citadel-- or whatever Ignis would always go on about. But he knew his ears did not fail him, and neither did his eyes as he could see as those beautiful ones tried to avert their attention at anywhere but him.

"I-I'm not going to repeat." The pinkette stuttered, not wanting the silence to drag out any longer. Teeth worrying on her bottom lip, Lightning hadn't thought herself as a stammering type. And Noctis knows that she's trying her best to push away whatever she had said like as if it was nothing. How many times have the pinkette even flustered under his watch? Not that many times. And now that she is? Astrals, Noctis is going to abuse it as much as he can.

"Lightning...." His voice falling on a lower octave. Smirking almost obviously, Noctis tilts the umbrella to the side, before grabbing the girl's shoulder infront of him. Lightning couldn't help but shiver under his watchful gaze. "Please?"

"I--"

Just as she was about to finish, the weather turned for the worse. What was once a small shower turned into a thunder storm and Noctis couldn't help but curse under his breath for such bad luck on his part. Pulling Lightning closer to him, he held the umbrella like it was their life line. From afar the crowd started to disperse, running frantically towards shelter.

"I think it's better if we follow the crowd, your Highness." There she goes again, calling him not by his name. They were in an unpleasant situation, shoes soaking, hair clinging and clothes almost dripping; not forgetting how Lightning had to actually shout to get her point across. Noctis had wanted to argue right then and there but ultimately only letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Right, let's go."

The trek towards 'shelter' wasn't pleasant either. Water was collecting into puddles and the cluster of humans rushing towards a tiny entrance into the nearest subway station was...sticky. Noctis couldn't help but feel a tinge of regret, almost wondering why he had decided to bring his little date to watch the fireworks outside.

Heck, he was the prince. If only he had taken up his father's offer to sit beside him in the podium, just right infront of the firework's platform-- a sheltered seat right infront of the platform to be exact. But no, he wanted a romantic gesture to impress the pinkette.

Well, look how well it's going now.

The sliver of light in this whole situation was that Lightning was holding his hand the entire course towards shelter. Straying away from the crowd, both adults managed to find a corner with no one at all. Right beside an office building, they could hear a party going on somewhere else.

"I'm sorry." Noctis couldn't help but mutter under his breath. It was embarrassing to say the least that he had dragged Lightning out of patrol duty to entertain his childish ideas on going on a date. He didn't think it would rain cats and dogs, all he wanted was to spend time with the lady of his life. "I--"

Lights flared and the sound of fireworks echoed throughout the city. From a distance, the sound of people shouting ecstatically could be heard. The sky's colors turned from a dull grey to red and yellow, the smell of smoke was obvious. Though that did not stop the rain from getting worse. Water was pooling below their feet, but Noctis didn't care.

At that moment, the prince was solely focusing on the pinkette's expression. The color of the lights reflected in her pale aqua eyes. Despite the monotonous atmosphere surrounding them, her radiant smile was all Noctis could see. Little does he know, a grin was already etched on his face.

"Happy new year, Light."

"It's Claire." She says, eyes not straining away from the flaring of fireworks far away. Despite that, she couldn't help but smirk, knowing that she had let go something sentimental to the young prince.

"What?"

"Claire." She repeats, "My real name isn't Lightning. It's Claire."

There's a long pause on Noctis' behalf. Light could almost hear the glee form on the future king's face. Because he knew it, Lightning was just another side name she had chosen to remain mysterious. Noctis had almost taken the opportunity to tease the soldier beside him, but not wanting to ruin the moment, he simply nodded.

"Happy New Year, Claire." He fixes, his hand moving to grab hers tightly.

"Happy New Year to you too, Noctis."

#lightis #nokurai #ledrabbles #noctis x lightning #final fantasy xv #final fantasy xiii #noctis lucis caelum #lightning farron

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redknight3996 · 4 years ago

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17: Juno

Cedric Crosswhite is a man of influence. He is rich. He is powerful. He is untouchable.

And at this point in time, he is very, very dead. He may have died through a number of methods, depending on what you yourself elected to do while in Glitter Avenue, but assuming he survives all the way into Phase 2, his death is a rather sudden and simple one, delivered at the hands of a younger man he elected to meet with.

Seth Marotti is a man of no consequence, careless and wealthy through inheritance. The group he was a part of call themselves Bloody Sunday, and you’ll probably see at least a few of them in their stark white suits and eerie ivory masks as they operate around the park. They’re regarded as something of VIPs, so you’ll likely see even other hunter groups deferring to them, if just because incentive means keeping them safe is worth more than killing them.

Escort missions might not be especially fun, but it does add an interesting flavor to events.

Regardless, Seth’s decision came rather abruptly. He and his own little clique were invited up to Crosswhite’s penthouse, because the man in question thought it would be fun to introduce these new people to the park, particularly since they were all young people of proper backgrounds.

You were most definitely not invited, but there were ways to get in if you really wanted to be present. Being there does mean you get to see the exact moment where Seth audibly wonders just how many points Cedric’s bodyguards would be worth before shooting the older man straight in the forehead, blowing off the upper part of his skull in a messy spray of blood, bone, brain matter, and loose hair.

Juno does not take this sight well, and it’s about time you got to know her, assuming you haven’t run into her already. It’s quite likely you haven’t though, as while she is exceptionally aggressive while riled, she is otherwise always at her beloved’s side, keeping him safe, keeping him company, and keeping watch over him, because she was made for him, and he wasn’t made for her.

Juno looks a great deal like a tall, female mannequin. She has no visible eyes, mouth, nose, or ears, though sensory organs do exist across and under her alabaster frame. Where her eyes would be were she a natural human, she instead has two symbols printed: a spade and a diamond, the card suits, both in a deep blue. More spades and diamonds wind down and across other parts of her body, particularly her legs, which are partially displayed due to the leotard and knee-high heeled boots she wears, both in a dark blue.

The same dark blue as the jacket she wears with the white cross on its back and the white spades around her cuffs, and the tophat on her head, ringed with white diamonds. The symbol, not the jewel.

Featureless and stoic, you will only ever face her if you try to aim for Crosswhite’s head. She is protective and vicious by nature and indoctrination, because she was made for Crosswhite.

She keeps watch over him, a looming white and blue shadow, stretching over his back in the right lighting. If you attempted to harm him in any way, and the other members of her quartet didn’t kill you first, you’d more than likely die via a solid black fist tearing through your face and out the back of your head. Or by having your legs broken and your throat crushed under her heel if you managed to wound her beloved. Or by a slow and steady death from having sharp, black nails driven into every available inch of your skin–the thin, sharp needles of black metal, not quite bone or steel, steadily left behind in your taut flesh as though you’re a poster being hammered into place–if you managed to kill her beloved.

The only reason Seth didn’t suffer the same fate was because her beloved instructed her to leave the white suits unharmed when they entered his penthouse. He told her that they were his guests, and they should be left alive, and she obeyed, because she was made for him and he wasn’t made for her.

So she didn’t react in time when the gun was raised.

Juno has eyes. She has a great deal of eyes, made of black spots on fields of sky blue. All of them open wide. The pupils shrink as his body drops, and there’s a bark of a barrel as a prepared man in a white suit aims and fires and has the shotgun shoved under his chin before he even realizes he’s killed himself.

The Bloody Sundayers weren’t entirely stupid, they did have weapons ready, but they didn’t expect the pure rage of a mourner. Tears leak from a hundred eyes all across her rippling skin along with jagged black spikes as she tears Seth’s face off. His skin sticks to the jagged points in her palm and fingers and he screams in unexpected agony and clutches his ruined face in time for her to shove a clawed hand with an eye on its back through his stomach so she can watch his intestines spill.

He dies too quickly for her liking, and the other murderers–panicked and screaming–think they can kill her, so she proves them wrong. Any hint of humanity has vanished in weeping eyes and jagged metal, splitting from inside her body as her twitching, jerking head sprouts crooked horns, piercing upward like lightning bolts.

Don’t wear white in her presence. If you were in the room, it shouldn’t be dressed as one of the Sundayers, because she’ll shove her fingers up through your jaw and tear your brain out through your mouth. If you’re dressed otherwise though, she’ll actually leave you alone. Her weeping eyes might spare you some attention as she cradles her beloved’s body, her skin twisted into a mourner’s black as her body is wracked with silent sobs, but she won’t hurt you if you don’t look like one of them. Others would, but she won’t.

You’re just not important enough to kill. She won’t even strike back if you take the opportunity to blow open her blackened head–spraying blue blood, splatters of what might have been a brain, and what were most definitely once eyes–but it will mean someone else will kill you down the line for it. That’s just nature.

You might notice her spikes starting to dig into her beloved’s corpse, because she was made for him and he wasn’t made for her, so she needs to keep him with her. She needs to keep him safe, even if she didn’t when it mattered, and you’ll see the thorns of a weeping rose dig under skin and crack bones as she tears him into pieces and pulls him in. You haven’t seen her feed before, and the way her body almost peels open so strips of thorny, black flesh can pull the meat and marrow into a circular maw surrounded by undulating tendrils is...well, however it feels is up to you. Maybe you’re into it, who knows.

Her skin ripples once more, then the deed is done, and she will continue her hunt. She has no purpose now, so she’s going to kill every last murderer in white in the park. She will most likely die during it, but that is her cause, because she was made for him, and he wasn’t made for her. Because he gave her purpose. Because she didn’t love him. Because she was bound to him. Because she needs something out there.

Because she was made for him. And now he’s dead. So she’s going to kill everyone she feels like killing, and no one is going to stop her.

And who knows. Maybe you’ll elect to help her in her quest. She might appreciate that, though you’d do better kneecapping her targets so she can kill them properly. Stealing kills is just rude, and while she won’t kill you for it, since you’re just helping, she might get annoyed enough to leave.

And at this point, you really need all the friends you can get. Even if they’re monsters.

Especially if they’re monsters.

18: Ceres

Good riddance to bad trash, is the immediate thought that flits through the mind of Ceres upon her learning of Cedric Crosswhite’s death. Or at least an equivalent to that thought, as she doesn’t exactly think in English, though she can understand the language easily enough. Or at least certain phrases of it, when given in the right tone of voice.

She’s decent enough at picking up on cues, and she’s good at following leads, which is why she’s the most active of the cross quartet, and almost certainly the first one of the group you’ll wind up encountering. Juno is unwilling to leave Crosswhite’s side while Ceres is more than happy to, so she’s the one most often sent out on excursions and the one most likely to be sent to kill you if you offend her client in some way or another.

Once he’s dead, however, all bets are off, and she’ll be a frequent presence throughout the park as she explores around, looking for interesting ways to enjoy her time free of responsibilities. And also looking for interesting things to eat, so still be wary when you see her. Not that she’s hard to spot, as she has a pretty distinctive look.

Like Juno, she resembles a featureless white mannequin in general appearance, though everywhere Juno is blue, Ceres is red. Where spades sat, she has hearts instead, though they have diamonds in common. The general attire is similar, what with the leotard and heeled boots, though Ceres was gifted with fishnet tights and ruby gloves for her own ensemble, and she wears no jacket so you can easily see her back.

You might not be staring there though, as the human eye is naturally drawn to unusual things, and a pair of rabbit ears certainly stand out on a humanoid being. Not on top of her head, like a headband, but growing where they naturally would be for any humanoid, and just stretching upward, like two crimson headphones or antennas. Just furry, occasionally twitching, and letting this predator detect approaching threats and track fleeing targets. She also has a tail, which could potentially be handy for her if you assume she’s just some cute bunny-girl monster. Which she most definitely is, but not just that, and making assumptions about her being less lethal and vicious than the other monsters in the park is certainly something she’ll take advantage of.

Really, she can use a lot of things to her advantage because she’s a smart gal and it’s not difficult to figure out weapons. Pointy ends go into soft flesh, hit with the heavy part, and point and pull a trigger; it’s not hard, though she is encouraged to not use guns by her boss because it removes too much of the sport.

So it should come as no surprise that she immediately starts up collecting guns once Crosswhite is shot through the head, which she wasn’t present for because her idiot client instructed her and the other two non-Juno bodyguards to start clearing out the remaining rogues and undead in the Avenue. The zone was his, so clearly the riff-raff had to go, but then Cedric had his brains splattered.

So she kept on killing. Because why would she stop?

Ceres has very wide smiles when she gets excited. Dozens of them, all across her skin. Mouths filled with sharp teeth stretch eagerly across her exposed flesh, starting first at the lower half of her face, then spreading down her neck, over her chest, across her back.

It’s a mistake to assume her “outfit” is actual fabric. You’ll likely figure out that any clothes she wears are just shifted skin, made most obvious when her stomach tears open to show a greedy, drooling maw with a row of teeth along its lips, another row of internal teeth, another set of teeth around the fleshy bud inside her chest, and a long, prehensile tongue that slithers eagerly out to lap at anything catching her interest. Allowing her to lick you is a bad idea–not least because that’s just weird–because said tongue is covered in razor spines sharp enough to shred human flesh straight off the bone.

Before she’s set loose, you might encounter her at random through the park, where she might elect to try to kill you on a whim. Afterward though, she’ll do the exact same thing, but also she’ll be a lot more bestial looking.

Her bunny ears remain, but her round tail is gone in favor of splitting open like a meaty flower and face is a distorted mass of fleshy red canine maws pushing their way out of her head. Her distorted, enlarged hands and feet are not quite clawed so much as teethed, and dozens of open lips and bared teeth cross all over her red and pink flesh–horizontally, vertically, diagonally, and even in spirals–occasionally opening so thorned tongues can eagerly lick at the air or burrow into chest cavities so she can tear out and devour the hearts of her victims.

If you’re worried about Juno, listen for weeping. If you’re afraid of Ceres, listen for drooling. There’s a difference, and knowing that will save your life.

Before she’s let loose, Ceres will aim to slice you up with blades, break your skull with hammers or bats, or simply tear into you with her teeth. She’ll want to do the last one most of all, so she’ll usually try to cut or beat you down beforehand, so you’re easier to consume.

After she’s let loose, Ceres will watch from rooftops, perched and waiting for opportunities. You might notice her, at some point, start wearing a tactical vest drenched in blood–her mouths and tongues still peeking out from under it–and completely strapped with whatever weaponry she found interesting enough to keep. She won’t kill you easily once she gets guns though; she’ll blow your legs apart so she can savor you. Quick shots just aren’t fun.

Surviving Ceres is difficult after she gains freedom. Really, the only way to guarantee she won’t hurt you past that point is if you put in the work to befriend Juno. She’ll still listen for you, taste the air when you’re close, but she won’t aim for you or attempt to hurt you. Her sister rarely makes friends, so she won’t take that from her.

But may whatever god you know of have mercy on you if you harm one of her sisters; the vengeful hedonist will have none.

You don’t want to find out how long you can survive after being swallowed whole.

19: Vesta

It may come as a surprise to realize, but there are still places left to discover in the park. Not full areas like the various zones, but something like the Disco Never Dies Roller Rink.

The Rink is located in between the Carnival and the Avenue, in its own slightly unique connecting area, and it’s a perfectly nice little place. Very disco-themed with a number of disco balls set all around the room, large enough to fit quite a few people, and containing a nice little lounge/restaurant with a couple arcade games, in addition to the rink itself, which is full of zombies on rollerskates.

Among the technicians of the park, the designers and makers of monsters, there’s one that really, really wanted to do a disco thing, and got their wish, for better or worse. Unfortunately, their idea of having the zombies contained within the rink as lethal disco dancers was not to be, as while the dead could totally rock the very 70s era clothing, they’re also quite literally shambling corpses and are excessively uncoordinated when stuck in weird wheely things permanently attached to their feet.

More than a few of the dead in this building have their noses quite visibly smashed in.

But not to worry! For one wonderful lady has elected to make the technician’s dreams come true! Well, at least once she’s freed from her former client.

Vesta is the cheery yellow to the cool blue and passionate red, or so she prefers to think. There’s also the green, but she’s the youngest, so she comes after, and now it’s Vesta’s time!

And you’ll more than likely meet Vesta in a less than hostile context, because she’s the one that delivers the invitation if Crosswhite decides to have you meet him. She’ll be very cheerful about it, though you might find it disconcerting to see her skin ripple as the worms underneath it try to form a smile.

One of her eyes is a star and the other is a diamond, both in yellow. Both symbols too, and not really eyes, but symbols are important and she likes to emphasize them. Her leotard is patterned with stars, after all, and lined with yellow feathers, with a feathery tail sticking up over star-printed booty. Feathers are also visible around her gloves and on her heeled boots, giving her an almost mercurial air, in the divine sense. Though she doesn’t wear any winged helmet, instead having the brightly feathered headdress of a showgirl.

She trades out those boots for rollerblades the instant she’s allowed though, and you might be surprised to see her actually change her looks further, with the patterns on her skin now alternating between purple and yellow, and her outfit is switched out entirely for star sunglasses, a midriff-bearing t-shirt, and denim shorts. She wants to look the proper part, and honestly the leotard just felt too confining, more for “showing off” than showing off, as she’s sure you can understand.

Well, so long as she’s positively inclined towards you. So, again, little reminder that harming the sisters is a bad move in the long run, though in this case, it won’t actually end lethally for you.

No, instead you’ll see holes like honeycomb open up across her “mouth” as she grips you tight between shockingly strong hands before wriggling worms and slugs spill from her mouth and push their way into your every orifice. Further holes will open on her palms as she grips your head and parasites will start to push into your ears, burrowing deep into your brain so she can puppet you properly.

Which is exactly how she’s getting the zombies to move along with her, dancing to her rhythm and skating around in a parody of cheerful amusement, while also acting as probably the most lethal batch of bodyguards now present in the park, because they do not stop, they do not die, and they’re fireproof. Cold works better, though salt is actually decently effective in a pinch. You just need to hit the worms, not what they’re puppeting, so best to get good at cracking skulls open if you’re that dead set on making poor life choices.

While working for her client, Vesta is efficient; she carries a machete and simply removes the heads of those causing problems. Once she’s in her element though, she does what’s in her nature and delivers that members of her internal colony into whatever she needs controlled, and the parasites within her are certainly effective at diversifying in new, horrific ways depending on what their “queen” requires.

And she is technically their queen; both in the sense of her internal organs constantly producing more of these parasites and in the sense of her being the head of what’s not actually a hive mind, but more of a broadcasting station for a number of organisms tuned into the same channel.

It’s a weird thing, but the basics are that if you see worms, leeches, slugs, or strange slimes leaking from strangely coordinated zombies, you’re in range of her network and she’ll see you coming. It’s how she kept the dead away from her client, and it’s how she’ll deal with troublemakers that might show up to ruin her vacation time.

So don’t be rude, kay?

20: Pomona

Pomona looks like her sisters. That’s natural, because they’re all sisters. Related, siblings, blood, kin, redundancies. They were born from the same place at the same hands, and the material that made them might not’ve been related, but then a person’s parents are rarely related, and when they are, that’s not right, now is it?

Pomona is aware of many things. She is aware that she is artificial. She is aware that she was made to kill people. She is aware that she was made to protect one person. To take care of his needs. Her skin–not quite skin, more akin to chitin–shifts and crawls at that thought, of the feelings it brings to mind. She is aware that she thinks more than her purpose would require.

She is aware that she thinks, therefore she is. And she wonders what else might be.

Pomona looks like Juno if Juno wore green and had a bowler hat instead. Sometimes she wonders if her designers ran out of ideas for performers, or if she was always meant to be this way. There was a sort of sense to it; the magician, the bunny, the showgirl, the...dancer, maybe. The performer. The fancy lass.

She keeps the hat because she likes it. She’ll hold onto it, even as her white and green face peels back and the chittering interior begins to peek out.

Pomona is clubs and diamonds. She doesn’t know the exact logic in the symbols. Spades, Hearts, Stars, Clubs, and all Diamonds. Did it mean they had value? What was the idea behind it? Why was her own jacket printed with clovers?

She wants to learn more. She’s willing to put that goal in danger if you hurt her family though. Like all of them, she’ll aim to kill you. In her case, the chitinous plates that mimic skin on her face will open up and insectoid claws, feelers, and pincers will promptly begin tearing your soft skin part so the black centipedes lined with green eyes can start digging into your sockets.

She won’t parasitically puppet you–she’s not as soft as Vesta–she’ll just eat you alive from the inside out and take your skull with her as a keepsake as she continues on her mission.

Seth Marotti was prompted to kill her client. She’s very certain of that because her makers informed her of a change in plans. Due to legitimate grievances with corporate–not least of which being the shutting down of many fun and interesting projects and the persistent insistence that their lovely creations had to be killed for sport, with a guarantee that they would be disposed of following the event either way–the technicians of the park have elected to lodge a formal complaint in the form of having every last one of the ungrateful fucks ripped to pieces by the very monsters they intended to kill.

Also because that “cheap asshole Graman stiffed us on pay”, though Pomona was fairly certain she wasn’t meant to hear that last bit.

Regardless, she had a secondary purpose all this time. Or, more specifically, her primary purpose was different than assumed by the executives; Priority 1 was sabotaging the park after her client’s death, Priority 2 was pretending to protect the client until his death.

To this end, she’ll outright let you kill Crosswhite if you happen to get in the exact right confluence of events to get her and him alone with you, but there’s also her own self-directed priority; Priority 0 - Protect Family. And since Juno was attached to the client, Pomona will intervene in the case of a threat to her life, even if it’s to the detriment of her primary mission.

Not that you could kill her. You could get her to fake her death, if her body takes too much damage, but Pomona is designed to survive essentially everything that could harm her. She has a hardened shell instead of skin, her interiors are all essentially hard-shell insects and crustaceans, and the redundancies in her own biology means she can survive anything from decapitation to being burned alive.

She can breathe underwater, survive freezing, and poisons don’t affect her. Guns that can get through her shell could do some damage, but it’s superficial. Even blowing her up will just mean she’ll need to reconstitute later. And she will inevitably come for you. Even if you escape the park, even if everything is destroyed, even if you’re sitting at home, years later, content and safe.

Even then, you’ll eventually notice something small, maybe a beetle or a pillbug. And you might not know it, but it will mean she’s found you. And when she comes to you, it won’t in the form of a painted mannequin dressed as a performer.

She won’t look exactly like a mass of insects. That implies a disconnect, that they’re not all one unit, attached to each other in every sense of the word. Curled centipedes, the size of small dogs, bound together, shifted into spirals that form into a humanoid shape. But there are far too many and far too large of legs for even giant centipedes, pushing out the black mass. A halo of twitching limbs sticks out from behind her open head.

Her face is a spiral of black and green. Lopsided eyes will stare at you and thin antennas will brush your face before she grabs your head in her hands and twists until there’s a snap. Or squeezes until there’s a squelch. Or maybe she just digs in.

It’s a hypothetical. You haven’t escaped, not yet, maybe not ever, and she’s moved from the Avenue into the underground of the park. And she’s gone where she’s needed, killed who she’s needed to, and done her job properly.

You might not even encounter her at all, though you’ll most definitely notice the monsters she lets loose from the labs. The game is changing again, and the park is bound to be worse for it.

So try your best, have some fun, and maybe make a few friends along the way.

#31 day horror park #halloween #horror #missed a few days #eh #my writing

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debajanfeministuniverse-blog · 7 years ago

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De Unmannerly Politics of Opening Doors

Well for de pass few days de only local conversation on my timeline has been responses to a status on FB created by an entertainer. De context of the conversation is that he (De Entertainer) was told to pay attention to the manners of those in Barbados and he did by conducting a very, very, VERY, (0.013 % of the population) small social experiment.

De Entertainer states:

“I purposely held the door open for 20 women going in or out of establishments, 3 said thank you, the others didn't even nod. I held it for 20 guys, 18 said thanks.”

His findings are simple:

90% of men said thank you to a man holding open a door for them.

75% of women did not.

This experiment did not then go on to explore the findings of a woman holding the door open for men and women, but no… why <sarcasm> would <sarcasm>it <sarcasm>?

Now whether this post was intended to turn into a woman-bashing post or not, it did. Loads of people mostly cis men, a few cis women then started to chime in talking about their experiences of how “mannerly de men dat does come into my shops does be” and how “unmannerly women nowadays are”.

And though it is decidedly infuriating, it’s also not unexpected. The discomfort of the privileged often overlooks the societal grievances of the oppressed. As usual, people decided bashing black Caribbean women would be the best course of action without truly delving into the reasons why such findings would occur.

So to make sense of it in my own head I made a couple lists to consider:

Reasons why people open doors for other people:

Manners maketh ... someting? :

In Barbados we brought up to be polite. From the moment we are born we are steeped in behavioural conditioning. The biblical commandment they make you recite from like five years old is “Honour thy father and thy mother”. There is a lot of emphasis on being “nice”, “respectful”, “well behaved” children and to carry that into adulthood. .

In this small island where everybody knows everybody, even at our own personal expense, we are always to be seen as polite. To do otherwise is a fringed activity.

Now if you are like me, and believe everything feeds back into colonialism you might see the correlation between the myth that “all the good slaves were sent here”. And you might consider that the emphasis of “Bajans are nice” is taught to us at Primary school level. They tell us “Tourists come here for de sun, sand and nice people.” In other words be super nice to dem tourists fuh dem sweet-sweet tourist dollars. Never let yourself be a seen as a threat. Our country’s economic success depends on it.

Chivalry & gender politics:

Obviously this “good” behaviour looks different in accordance to the gender society decided for you. If you are decided man, you are expected to be considered “nice” or a “gentleman” if you do things for other people, and you get extra points for doing things for the women folk. This came from the European idea that vagina havers are somehow the “fairer” (read weaker) sex and need help with heavy things like, pulling out their own chairs and opening doors behind them. Because you know, uterus = weak wrists?

If you are decided woman, then your “good” behaviour is determined by how you reward/respond to “good” men. Don’t sleep with them too quickly. Be wifey material. Be a mother. Be a grandmother, and never question why your life is solely for the purpose of others.

Ulterior motives:

Which leads me to the quote I heard when growing up that “Chivalry was just an excuse for men to look at women’s asses”. A lot of men are conditioned to see “niceness” and perceived nice actions as a means to be rewarded for their masculinity. If I as man, give you a lift, I expect, “gas, grass or ass”. In other words, if I do something nice for you, I expect something in return. Either through sexual gratification, compliance, or the opportunity to check out a woman’s bumpa up close.

Flow of traffic:

Aside from all that gendered stuff, sometimes assistance is just assitance. You know like how yuh should really let out de car trying to come out of a gap you going in, when you have right of way? Sometimes it just makes more sense to hold on, keep the people behind you, and leh de person in front pass to avoid collisions or blockages. It’s not that deep. Just practical.

Now, I’m down for discussing the differences in gender experiences, as long as you truly want a discussion and not just a place to shout and scream about how unfairly you as man, has been treated by Bajan women simply because you didn’t get the kind of gratitude you wanted when opening a door. If that’s the platform you need, there are no rivers in Barbados as of yet, find a gully, cry in it, and make one fuh me do.

Reasons why “thank you” may be missing:

Thoughts are in other places:

“If I buy dese lil groceries I gun really got enough money to cover dis month bills?”

“Cheezon bread dis sun real so & so hot doa”

“WHA’ DE ACTUAL HELL <INSERT NAME OF POLITICIAN HERE> NOW SAY?” See people often have loads of thoughts happening all at once and sometimes the door gets opened and you literally don’t know how. Just respect de headspace and realize it aint about you, just task 3,006 on the to do list.

Entitlement:

Iz true, some women conform and uphold the patriarchy and believe it is a man’s obligation to open the door. And some people just stush, dey come in barging pass you like they are the Queen and it is your civic duty, you plebian scum, to eliminate all barriers from Their Highness’s path. Doan mind dese divas, you are your own protagonist too. Admire their self centrism from far and carry on smartly.

Social anxiety:

People have mental health complications that sometimes prohibit them from “simply” saying thank you. The world is terrifying. Tasks are overwhelming. We need to learn to respect and be considerate to those that may have hard times navigating that.

Defiance against Compliance & gender dictations:

Even if this idea rubs you the wrong way, after centuries of the world telling women what they can and cannot ever so often, a woman comes to a state of “fuck dis”. Anger is a legitimate response to oppression. The anger isn’t necessarily directed at you, but at the whole system that has told this woman since she was young “you aint strong enough to get you own doors, you ain smart enough to get you own business”. In this moment remember, you opened de door out of your own heart, you consented to the door opening. It’s now their turn to consent to gratitude or not. You have done your part in society, the rest is up to them.

Avoiding a platform for harassment:

Men, yuh all can be trash. Too often I have done the “polite thing” and said “thank you” to the security guard paid to open the door, only for them to take my quick politeness as a platform to mentally juk me down with harassment. And my experience is not unique. If you don’t live as women and do not understand what weapons of harassments we have to protect ourselves from daily, don’t disrespect our shields. All I’m asking for is the next time we do a social experiment, let’s ask women how many times they say “thanks” and the person who opened the door for them used that as an invitation to suggest something sexual or romantic.

Conclusion:

I hope after reading that I’ve provided some insight into the matter at hand. Sometimes it’s easier to judge what’s going on in another person’s head, and sometimes it’s not.

But remember:

Do not harass somebody for a “T’anks”

DO NOT HARASS THEM AFTER A “T’ANKS”

Do not pin your positive daily experiences on a stranger’s “T’ANKS” that you may or may not receive and are NEVER entitled to.

If however, you refuse to listen to me and are determined to practice the mentioned above, den doan bodder opening de damn door in de first place. We good.

No t’anxs,

De Bajan Feminist.

#caribbeanfeminism genderpolitics openandshutcase unmannerly reclaimingmytime barbados discussion feminism feminist lifeinleggings

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faridhafk · 5 years ago

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Letter to the Most Lovable and Humble girl in this Planet

I actually wrote this letter in the week of my friend wedding preparation. I supposed to send it on 29 October 2017, but I hold it and think that this platform is much better to share it to her rather than send her an email.

I feel nostalgic as I wrote this. My other friend is just did the sacred wedding ceremonial in last Friday (24 Syawal / 28 June 2019). And it reminded me to one and half year before. When I had to let my really good companion to be the wife of the person she come to love. As I thought, it’s hard to hold back the tears while writing this.

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21 - 28 October 2017

Letter to my very dearest friend

As I know that this is not the exact time to feel like this, and blabbering too much to my dearest friend, I'd like to use this opportunity to clearing and tidying up my feeling.

Reminiscing the first time we met. She was not the first girl who came and talked to me when I just enrolled as undergraduate student in Universitas Indonesia. And she was not the first person who came to my mind if I talk about new friends in college. Maybe Astari, Nurul, or Maul will come to my mind first if we mention about new friends. Well there were some reasons for it.

First, because at that time for the most crucial course (Calculus!) I'd be together and enrolled the same class as Nurul and Astari.

Second, I stayed in Pondok Cina for my first and second semester, and seldom visit my friends who mainly stayed in Kukusan (Kutek).

Third, I casually talked to Maul and Maryam the first time I followed orientation schedule in University, when I think about it, it was really exhausting event, duh.

Fourth, Inferior feeling. Haha, I see her as a proper Muslimah, with proper manner and well dressed. While I am just a person with little bit knowledge of what a Muslimah should be.

Well, when I just started my collage life, we were a bit distant. Though, we slowly got closer after that. Thanks to some miracles which made our schedule become exactly matched with each other, even though we did not plan it at all!! Moreover, we got to match the schedule after we started the 3rd semester. I shall be grateful to Allah for planning that situation for us. I don't think my college life would be same if I did not have those schedules. We got closer and we would be seen together, often. Our friend would always ask one of us if we were seen alone. We shared so many memories together, and It's impossible to talk and write about it now. I did not regret it though, because even when I did not write it in a diary like some other people, I have my whatsapp archive which yeah, so many trash talk and stories stored. It is amusing that I'm still saving those chat. I always ensure myself that I think I'll need it later. :P (maybe).

Actually, I never think that I brought good influence to her. What I could recall right now that I brought more bad influence than good. :P , I mean not in bad way but more useless way, like our childish way to express happiness, or how we talked about politics even though we knew nothing about it. I think we talked more about rubbish story rather than some useful or important talks. Well, it just because how we are with each other. I feel compatible with her and "klop", I don't know the exact phrase to describe it. But we would, sometimes talk about some wonderful things, some things we were dreaming of, our future, and our contributions to the world (at very least to Indonesia or our small environment) after we graduate. Those talk could not be compared with how many rubbish talk we were talking about, though. If I have to make comparison, it will be (trash : meaningful talk = 90:10).

There no way that we never encounter any problem, maybe I'd feel discomfort with her behavior and the same with her toward me. We are all humans, and we are not perfect. We are not created flawless, are we? We may feel like that but chose not to be upward with those feeling. She is more like a hero for me. Really, she is my heroine, since the first time we built this friendship up until now (by the way, we never declared our friendship, it was not important anyway, and you know it just the friendship built along the way during our time in college-- OK lets skip this). She who knows more about my past and the men related to my interest. My struggle though it's not really hard struggle. My dreams which now are the exact opposite of what I've dreamed of before, and many more. She who will come to my mind and I'll go ask her an opinion about something which disturb and waver me. She who helped me with my graduation and she who encouraged me to attend it (due to work reason, I thought not to attend my graduation day). By the way, She also helped my father found his seat during my graduation day, and because of that My father respect her so much, he think highly of her. I don’t know how to thanks her for this special kindness. She who helped me with my studies, and she who will be more mature than me during my hardest time. She is so dependable during important time of my life and I am so thankful for it. There so many kindness that she has shown to me. She show me how to be dependable and dorky at the same time. She was one of the reasons for me to Istiqomah doing my duty as a muslim. She was the one who invite me to contribute in Islamic organization in Collage. She was one of the reason that I set my standard as high as I can especially if we talk about our chosen Man, about dream, about dunya matters but she also the one who teach me to let go. (She may not realize it though :D).

There was a moment when I'd feel so depressed about something and could not bring it up to my surrounding and even to her. She of course would not know about it since I kept it hidden, but there was no need for her to know, because she will keep joking and ease my heart. (Had it ever crossed your mind that your best-friend will left you cried and took a bath instead cheered you up? Hahaha, yes Indeed, when I was overwhelmed and could not hold my tears any longer, rather than consoled me, she let me cried. Then she joked, and I felt much better. Everyone has different way to console other right, and it was her way to make me feel better).

There was a moment when I'd feel as failure and sad because of the feel being left behind. There was a time when I regretted my choice. She consoled me, then I could hold up my tears because it is so hard for me to cry in front of her. She always success to make me feel happy and ease.

However, not all memories are beautiful. I hate to admit that I had a moment when I feel dejected and fed up. I myself never bring this up to her because she herself did not even remember it. It was happened when she liked someone and blinded her eyes with some faith and expectation about this man. Actually the man she had crushed on was a kind man, he was smart, and he had good manner. But he could not make a choice and too dependent of her (or it is just because she is too kind and caring?). Okay I did not want to talk about the man but the event happened that time. It was last year maybe, 2016, the independence day or heroes day (I forget). On the weekend before the day, we made a plan to go and play, I am not sure whether we already fixed the plan or not, but I think I did. Then on Wednesday, she said that she came up with a plan to play with him and his friend to PIK, mangrove park. Actually I was sad, that she actually forgot and chose to go with him. And their itinerary had been created as well. I could not bring myself to say something which might make her cancel her plan with him, moreover after she said that happily. When I think about that I relieved when I hold back my feeling. Since I realized, even though I complaint to her, she would still go with him and I'd feel betrayed. Hahahaha. Do you think that I'm possessive? of course not, it just I that sad because the dearest friend of mine had forgotten our plan for someone else. And after some time, I found a quote in the Internet. It said, "when the woman fall in love, she will forget her friend and only see the man in front her". Wow, it might be quite true, I just don't in the phase yet. :) However, I knew and tried to understand.

Part of my memories of her also the sorrowful parting. Which will complete our stories. Every journeys come to an end at some points. It's been 3.5 year of college life. She chose to graduate earlier than the rest of my friend, 3.5 years. When she struggled with Undergraduate Thesis I struggled with my seminar. When she would embrace new challenges and take the next step, I failed my seminar. When she left me behind for good and I have to struggle for starting up my seminar from the start. When she struggled with new environment and caught her dream and I worked hard to left behind my miserable self. We were working hard to adapt to new environment. She with her post graduation life and me with my life as student without her companion. The thing that made me grateful so much was, Allah chose her as my friend and she kept contact with me. She helped me with my undergraduate thesis and the last days of my college life. I just hope that I also left remarkable things to her during those time. It just looked like our usual day, the only difference was we communicated virtually by whatsapp. We talked about rubbish things, chatted without purpose, chatted about things we were not knowledgeable with. And it's continue up until now. The saddest and hardest part about that time were more than one. I had to go to campus alone. I had to go breakfast alone. I'd spent the night alone while usually I took time to spent the night in her room just for chatting or lying around. One of hardest thing at those time was when I had to hide from my friend because I was utterly embarrassed due to my seminar failure. I had to find another place to do my thesis instead my usual place (in Elkel). I also did not even dare to go to Telco Lab. And I chose to confine myself in new Lab building. I felt so weak which made me realized how miserable I am without her. But, fortunately I overcame my fear, I had Astari, Luthfi, Nurul, Maul, Yanti, Sister, Rini and so on. And in the night, she will eventually chat me, and I realized that I was not alone.

The next part of her life is marriage life with the chosen one. Actually I felt a little bit sad, this time will different than last time. We already understand about our role as married women, theoretically. We have to prioritize our husband over ourselves. We will have less time to chat, and to play. And I will have to learn to overcome everything independently.

Haaaaaaah, no matter what you'll overcome in the future I just hope the best for you. I hope you two will overcome the every single obstacles that may come in your life. Marriage is not the end, it is the start of new journey. There is no school to become good wive or good parent (you will become one right), you will learn about it eventually. I believe you two need time to know and understand each other, and it will take a long time. It's hard but that is when your love will go bigger and bigger and that is when the love become the way for you to get closer to Allah. When the time come for me, please help me to conquer the anxiety and help me to be strong as you've been too. I hope all barakah will come to your marriage life, the love between both of you become rahmah and the warm of your household lead you to contribute to our little world.

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It’s almost two years since the sacred day. You already become a mother of a handsome boy. And you both (you and him) must have compromised a lot to reach this far, though it is still a long way to go. I’m happy to meet you, really. It’s blessing for me to have you as a friend. I’m sorry for all the talk that may hurt you. I hope we can keep this friendship until the end of our day, and until Jannah. :)

Thank you for being my good friend, very very good friend :)

#letter #best-friend #memory

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embee-the-nd-enby · 7 years ago

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Atomic Blonde thoughts-that-also-kinda-turn-into-synopsis-with-critique from a bi woc

Overall: - Charlize Theron plays an excellent badass again - unnecessary Death, but arguments can be made that it wasn't for as nefarious a reason as some are portraying (still beyond fucked!) (and also still with HIGH trigger rate so pls be safe my lil noodles) - am holding out for a Twist sequel for Twist Sequel purposes but also for the directors and producers to redeem themselves - 8 0 s S Y N T H P O P What we saw in trailers: Charlize Theron, Lorraine Houghton, wayy bisexual, pulverizing a bunch of white dudes (rather creatively as well), whose line of work gets those close to her (her lady lover) hurt What i saw in the movie: Charlize Theron, Lorraine Houghton, wayy bisexual, pulverizing a bunch of white dudes rather creatively, whose line of work gets those close to her (her lady lover) hurt, 8 0 s S Y N T H P O P The action: incredible. Charlize Theron did all her stunt work and the scenes were done very excellently in my opinion just because it was very... real? I'm not sure if i'll explain this right. But like when Lorraine going against multiple guys, it isn't the whole "wait until she's done fighting that one before i attack" like she would get overwhelmed if she hadn't already pummeled one before moving on to the next. She was incredibly creative in her weapon types and uses. The weapons with silencers didn't sound like Star Wars weapons going "pew pew!" Everyone was t i r e d after beating the shit out of each other! Like there were attacks from both sides that wouldn't work because they were weak, coughing, wincing, weezing, bleeding, all that. Looks: well first it was rockin to see 80s punk rockers again, so nice. AND ALSO THE MUSIC. THE AURAL AESTHETIC WAS GREAT. My dudes it's bloody as heck. The creativity in weapons extends to her wardrobe and that was so dope because those are her tools: badassery in fighting and style going hand in hand. Lorraine looks DISGUSTING when she gets beat up; her hair is a mess, makeup no longer visible under the blood and bruises and swelling. She's not the unrealistic killer woman that men have made as pristine and pretty all the time and that was great to see hollywood show that in a woman. Diversity/Representation: Pretty damn white. There is a person of color, a woman, a lesbian woman! But still in singular which is wack and outdated and i'm tired of it. The main character, a woman, is bi which is GREAT (i am partial of course) but once again, we're left in single digits. I am tired enough to allow the benefit of doubt that a majority of the male character's sexual orientations were not addressed and therefore technically can't write them off as straight.................. but i mean... Lorraine's bisexuality and wlw relationship was not made into a big to-do with her associates and colleagues. It just Was, if you get me. Which was nice! They were gay together without commentary on it being wrong/immoral/hot/whatever. When fighting, the men never sexually harassed or taunted her (i.e comments about 'liking feisty ones' and any comments about coercion and sexual assault). There are more comments after SPOILERS on this down below! Plot: fairly standard for these intelligence-agency movies where it's more focused on the what's-happening rather than why. I mean they address that in the end, about 'not even remembering what it's about' and all that. But pretty bland. However! There were some great twists! Somewhat predictable, depending how into the story you are i guess, but good twists! Also the fact that they didn't make Lorraine the emotional raving widow after finding out her dude lover was killed. They didn't make her intensity stem from mourning a guy, or that her ferocity was because of some guy; somebody is killing operatives, there is a mole, people are after her, and she has work to do Acting: great. I really thought all the characters that were established were portrayed throughout the entire movie. Lorraine is hardened from all the shit she's seen and been through, SMART AF, dry and witty as hell, confident as hell, but also vulnerable because she still has/will go through shit (more on this later under SPOILERS !) Percival is played douchey throroughly. There are some wisecracks and moments of humor that give him some likability but he doesn't lose the doucheiness (more later!) Delphine is a young naive woman but earnest and ambitious and is played through and through. She's not written/portrayed as useless or helpless like the comments i've been seeing say. She's out of her depth but can still make attackers struggle. She also knows she wanted to do the right thing but also is aware that she went about it in a way that's out of her league (there's also a really fucking annoying thing about what was written in her Naive personality that i discuss more later) Atomic Blonde was quite flawed. Duh. The plot was so very thin, could be summed to 4 words and yet wasn't all that clear at times? It was so white. Shocker. The diversity and representation was reduced to tiny single digits: one (1) person on color; one (1) lesbian; one (1) bisexual; two (2) women (or i guess technically three are actually on screen in some sort of focus). I enjoyed the wlw for obvious reasons, but i still had to contend with the Male Gaze aspects. Like Charlize Theron was one of the producers of the movie but there were scenes that we all know were also for men to enjoy *sprains eyes from rolling* i do enjoy that Delphine's character was initially a man in the graphic novel but they made her a woman. SPOILERS Right. So. The trailer shows us Delphine getting sexually involved with Lorraine and then later to be personally/romantically involved: 'everyone that gets close to you gets hurt' and a person attacks from behind. So we are expecting another lesbian death to add to the Trope Toll. And we do. She is strangled in lacy undergarments by a male in her bedroom area (she also was listening to music through earphones while she is expecting an attack like ??? That level if stupidity and naivety was not deserved. She fucking works for French Intelligence, they wouldn't hire a moron). So all this obviously enraged me but as someone who is not a lesbian, i can't imagine how traumatic this can be for y'all and i'm sorry that hollywood did you dirty like this again. Delphine was a woman confident in her sexuality and also wearing underwear around was rather commonplace. HOWEVER the story could have still flowed and ended superbly if Delphine wasn't killed in the triggering way she was, or ended up alive (I seriously thought she would since there had been several twists in the story already and i'm still kinda holding out for her making a surprise-return). She was prepping the photo proof of Percival's backstabbery, was then attacked, fought back and injured Percival (EXCELLENT stab, fuck i was so happy for a moment) and fought to the end, I will say this though: Delphine's death wasn't for shock factor, it wasn't BY A LONG SHOT the most gruesome death, it wasn't because she was lesbian, it wasn't because Lorraine is bi, it wasn't because she was a woman, etc. A lesbian didn't die to make the story more gripping or whatever. She died because she was someone close to the main character (which, like, damn do i stay glad the character was a woman or do i wish it was another man killed off, like??) Once again though, the story could have progressed, ended, and seriously improved if Delphine didn't die. Percival that limdick roach fuck. James McAvoy played that through and through. Lorraine sees through his (easily believable) façade of mainstream douchey behavior and carelessness and whatnot. She knows she can't trust him further beyond the Don't Trust Anyone rule. While awful, his awfullness didn't really exceed beyond. Like he double crossed almost everyone the entire movie. Big whoop. There wasn't anything about his character that was extraordinarily evil ufeelme (save for how the murder scene played out). He just kept sending people after Lorraine and was fairly standard trash. Lorraine is sneaky and smart af. Charlize did a spectacular job playing the armored main character that's resourceful and strong as all-get-out. She didn't take shit from anyone, was portrayed both dignified and sexual rather than having to be one or the other. She was gritty and not interested in looking good for anyone but herself, but Charlize was able to add vulnerability very well. Small things like after a massive guns-n-fists fight, a dude pulls out a double-edged knife and you can see a flicker of panic coz she's fucking tired and hand-to-hand with knives is harder than guns. She also cuddles with Delphine after they have sex! Then big things like having a moment to grieve after finding Delphine. She had, to whatever depth or extent, developed feelings for Delphine and so yet again a person she cared for is gone. And we get to see this ultra-composed, efficient, brutal badass allow herself to feel. And then she goes after Percival with a renewed vigor and kills him brutally after all the shit he put her through and she avenges Delphine. Overall again: - hollywood refuses to surprise me - 7/10 - probs wouldn't see it again, like buy-my-own-ticket again, but would not be opposed to seeing blonde Charlize Theron kick ass in heels to Duran - still down for seeing non-shamed, not-overly-sexualized-for-men wlw

#atomic blonde #tw: violence #atomic blonde spoilers

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cuckoomagazine · 8 years ago

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Interview with blogger Amy McColgan (a.k.a. Green Leafy Gael)

Tell us a little about yourself.

I was born and bred in Donegal and went to an all-Irish primary school. I went on to study Irish and Spanish in college and then did a Masters in translation after that. Before I went to college I also did a diploma course in TV Production through Irish in the Donegal Gaeltacht. I’m now living in Spain working as a freelance translator but hoping to move to Barcelona soon and get something a bit more secure!

When did you become a vegan and what made you decide to change your lifestyle?

I lived in Spain in 2012/2013 during my Erasmus year. It was my first time owning a smart phone and I took a liking to Instagram. I followed a lot of health and fitness accounts and took a big interest in health and wellness. One week in February 2013 I watched around 6 documentaries about food production, animal welfare and the links between a Western diet and all the most common Western causes of death (heart disease, cancer, diabetes, stroke). The Monday after that was the last day I ever ate meat. Over the course of that year I educated myself on how the meat and dairy industry have essentially paid their way into the food pyramids. There are so many deceiving scientific studies done and articles written to promote this kind of food and it’s tragic because that is the very food that’s killing us. When people from Asian and African countries move to Western countries and adopt the Western diet, they also adopt Western diseases that they wouldn’t have gotten if they continued with their traditional mainly plant-based diets. Learning bits of information like this just astounded me and yet it made so much sense. Never in my life have I understood something so well – the only thing holding me back from going fully vegan was our culture and society. Saying no to family members’ food and learning how to go without dessert in a restaurant is hard work and it takes time to get brave enough to do that! Eventually, within a year I was fully vegan – although at home and when cooking for myself I was always vegan.

Throughout that year, I allowed myself to learn of the horrors of the animal agriculture industry. Not just the sick conditions of factory farms but standard, legal practices that are done on the most highly praised farms, such as pulling piglets teeth out and castrating them without anaesthesia, dehorning calves without anaesthetic, separating calves from their mothers so soon after birth so they don’t drink the milk meant for us humans, keeping sows in crates so small they can’t even stand up; I could go on. Standard farming and slaughterhouse practices are seen as “necessary and humane” but only because they’re part of the farming business. There’s nothing ethical about it. If someone shot a bolt gun through a dog’s head and then slit his throat and skinned him before he even properly died – the country would be up in arms about animal cruelty because it’s not normal for us to eat dogs. It’s “normal” for us to eat cows so we don’t bat an eyelid when it’s done to them. Knowing all this made going vegan an absolute necessity. I could never ever live with myself if I knew I was contributing to modern day slavery and torture of the most innocent and docile creatures on earth.

Who would you consider to be your biggest influence?

I really admire Dr. Michael Greger who runs the website nutritionfacts.org and wrote the book “How Not To Die”. His selfless contribution to the health of the world and sharing true and factual scientific studies has made it so easy for everyone to learn about food and how it impacts out health. He makes complicated scientific studies make sense to the layperson through his short and snappy videos on the NutritionFacts.org YouTube channel. He does all this for free and even the proceeds from his best-selling book went to back into the nutritionfacts.org non-profit.

How do you source content for your blog?Do you stumble upon recipes or create your own?

I don’t source content no. I just write about different vegan products that I might have tried or different tips or tricks that I think might help people on a vegan journey. At the start my recipes were inspired by my local Ballyholey Farm in Donegal. They grow a vast array of vegetables completely organically and every week they’d throw me some random veg and say “do something with that” – so a lot of my recipes are purely experimental! They always turn out surprisingly tasty though!

What would you consider to be the main purpose of your blog & YouTube videos?

To inspire people to go vegan or to assist people through their vegan journey. I want to educate people on the true effects of the food we’ve grown up eating. It’s not something you can learn about in the mainstream media (although slowly but surely that’s changing). I like the idea of leading by example so I just try to share my life experiences and show people what I’m doing and why I’m doing it – that way is the least “preachy” I find. People are always interested in other people, so, if I can get people interested in my way of life, they might end up saving their own life. Also, I feel it’s my duty to the animals. I can’t sit back and do nothing about their suffering. If I can get someone to buy a cruelty-free and vegan foundation the next time they are buying make up instead of an animal-tested one – I’m happy. If I can get someone to choose a soy milk latté instead of cow milk the next time they order a coffee – I’m happy. If someone tells me they’ve decided to cut out meat altogether – I nearly cry with delirious excitement.

Do you find it easy to maintain your blog while living your daily life?

Not when I’m working a full-time job - it’s very hard to find the time to work, eat, sleep, blog and vlog. Often times, social interaction with friends suffers! But now since I’ve lived in Spain I’ve been working at home on a freelance basis. So, when the work is quiet that means I get more time to focus on editing videos and writing blog pots. However, it also leaves me stuck financially which in turn leaves me with no nice ingredients to make nice recipes! I’d absolutely love to be able to focus on my blog and my channel full-time. As well as being beneficial to people’s lives, it’s also really fun to do and I get to use skills I’ve always loved using as a child such as taking pictures, editing pictures, making videos and acting the eejit in front of a camera!

Is there a particular vegan dish that stands out as being the best you have tried?

No – because there are too many. Think of all the vegetables in the world (not just peppers onions and carrots), and all of the fruits in the world, and all of the grains, beans, legumes, spices, and herbs. Now think of a combination of each and every one – we’re talking millions upon millions of options! I’ve made some delicious meals in my life but as soon as I’ve made them I move on and try something else. In restaurants (that serve vegan food) I always try and get something different. I absolutely love weird combinations of food. I used to put random things in sandwiches and my mum said I get that from my late Granda. My mum is the complete opposite to me though and makes the same dinners every week – all are fantastic. But I have to say her lentil shepherd’s pie is a winning family dinner. It really is delicious and nutritious. (recipe on the blog if anyone’s wondering!) The meal I had in Sova Vegan Butchers in Dublin was one of the best vegan meals I’ve ever had. They’re so innovative and creative and it’s such a good experience eating there. I had the “scallops” and a “schnitzel” – 100% vegan, 1000% tasty. Recently I was in London and that whole day of eating was probably the best day of eating I’ve ever had – from breakfast to brunch to lunch to dinner. The Ethiopian food I got at Spitalfield’s Market was phenomenal. I have a vlog on my channel from that day again, if anyone’s interested!

Tell us a little about the fashion side of your blog. You mention you like to buy clothes that are not brand new and ethically produced. Can you explain that a bit more?

Well I’ve always heard about sweat shops and child labor, all my life. I don’t think that side of fashion has ever been unknown to anyone, but we definitely do just turn a blind eye to it. I did most of my life, but then when I went vegan, I kept thinking to myself that I shouldn’t be ignoring the plight of these poor sweatshop workers. I didn’t know too much about it though, but it was on my mind. I shopped less in fast fashion places because of it, but, only in the last 2 years have I completely quit fast fashion. I decided to become a minimalist 2 years ago and with that I learned a lot about the environmental impacts of clothes production, the vast amount of waste and pollution it produces, and the working conditions of the garment workers.

The factory collapse in Bangladesh that made headlines should have caused a worldwide shift to ethical fashion but profits of the big companies actually went UP that year! Shocking. I would recommend anyone interested to watch the documentary “The True Cost” – it’s extremely interesting. Since I quit fast fashion I’ve obviously still had to buy clothes. My budget hasn’t exactly allowed for me to buy better quality and sustainably-made clothes because they tend to be more expensive, so, I tend to focus on second hand clothes. This is even better though because it reduces waste and doesn’t use any resources. I love using Depop and Ebay, and I absolutely love vintage shops like Nine Crows in Dublin. Etsy is a great place to get handmade and vintage items as well. My proudest purchases, though, have to be the ones I’ve found in local charity shops. It literally is a case of “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”.

For people out there who are looking to start their own blog, what advice would you give them?

Being Irish I think we have a tendency to get embarrassed about promoting ourselves or speaking up online. There’s something about our culture that makes it slightly weird for us to see someone doing their own thing and being different in public/online. I’ll admit, even I find it strange sometimes if I see someone I know doing something a bit “different” online. It’s in our nature and I’ve no idea why. That said though – this is changing fast! One good thing about globalisation is that some of our very Irish ways are dissipating and more people are deciding to do what they want and put themselves out there. So, I would say to anyone who feels like they want to speak out through a blog or share anything through a blog, try not to be embarrassed or scared about what the ones down the road will think of you! If you have a good message to share people will benefit from it. I was terrified about putting myself out there – especially on YouTube – but I felt the message was too important not to share. Some people definitely thought I was mad, but I’ve had more people tell me that they’ve changed because of my blog/channel, or thank me for sharing what I’ve shared. So, you could be shocked at the impact you could have!

What is your proudest moment to date?

The Irish language is a big passion of mine and I love to promote it, so, when I was invited to be on Róisín on TG4 I felt like that was a big moment for me. Speaking Irish, working with the media, and promoting veganism all in one day – it definitely was one of the highlights! I also loved being in my local paper, The Donegal News, last year, as I grew up reading this paper every Thursday night when my Dad would bring it home. Plus, the title of the piece was “Champion of health” – that was cool! But, one of the best things that has happened since I started trying to spread this message was my family, one by one, ditching meat. My mum is vegetarian, my dad is vegetarian (sometimes pescatarian) and my younger brother is also vegetarian. Having that burden of worry off my shoulders is a great thing – now I only need to worry about my youngest brother whose diet gives me anxiety!

Have you any particular goals for the future?

Get my youngest brother to go vegan! It’d do wonders for all his football injuries…No but really, I’d love to be able to work full-time on helping people go vegan. I’d love to take people shopping to Dunnes or Tesco and teach them all about what they can eat and what recipes they can make for their families. I find blogging and making YouTube videos really enjoyable so it’d be great to somehow be able to do it full-time. I’d love for veganism to grow massively in Ireland over the next 5 years and I’d really love to have some part in it.

To find out more about Amy’s blogs, recipes and vlogs, follow her below on the following links:

www.greenleafygael.com

@greenleafygael

YouTube

Facebook

#vegan #ethics #cuckoomagazine #health #wellness #green #gael #animal cruelty #animaltesting #crueltyfree

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bleedingcoffee42 · 8 years ago

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Absent- Part 3

Part 1 and Part 2

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Riza's first stop was the personnel department. She went about her business with authority and nobody questioned her even though she could see them thinking about it. She filled out the necessary forms for more forms which was in no way a security risk and would send the receptionist to the supply closet to fetch them. It would allow the young woman to avoid asking the scary Lieutenant by who's authority she was asking for information, which was surely a relief for them both. However while she waited she had every intention to slip behind the desk, check the directory to see who was working in East HQ and also check the file cabinet for a file on herself which would list her clearances. That would tell her if she worked here at all. Then it was on to the library to see what she could learn in a few hours.

Unfortunately, great plans rarely saw execution on the field of battle. No sooner did the receptionist disappear than the door opened and Rebecca Catalina entered with a stack of folders under her arm and looked right past her to see if the office was staffed or not. For Roy to not recognize her was one thing, for her best friend who she shared the rest of her private thoughts was another. For Rebecca to not even acknowledge her confirmed her fears: she simply did not exist in their lives. Rebecca would have at least recognized her from the academy, she never forgot a face, which meant that she never went to the academy.

Rebecca slapped the folders on the counter and looked to the supply closet door and raised her voice to be heard. “Marcy, can you take these so I can get to the range while Grumman is in a meeting?”

So her grandfather was still in command here. Rebecca worked for him. Roy was here with the Elrics but wasn't the flame alchemist he was....something else. She was not in any of their lives. The information she was searching for was acquired and she no longer needed to sneak around to find it. “I need to be getting back to work as well. Can I come pick up those forms later?”

Marcy came out of the supply closet relived. “That would be great Lieutenant.”

Riza turned to leave and Rebecca gave her a smile of gratitude, but without anything else behind it. Just a simple smile thanking a stranger for making her workday a little easier. As she moved Hayate moved with her and Rebecca couldn't help but notice.

“Bring your dog to work day?”

“He's in training to be a service dog.” Riza explained. With that she left the office and decided to leave HQ and head to the library. She felt around in her pocket for change as she was going to have to make a call on the way. The fact that she wasn't in Roy's life made sense when he apprenticed with Van Hohenheim. Not knowing Rebecca meant she was not in her class at the academy. She needed to call her home town and see if she still lived there, the postmaster would know if there was still someone at the old Hawkeye place or where he forwarded mail to. She'd get answers as to her own moves from the paper trail at the post office, however she already knew one thing and that was she didn't join the military.

It made sense. Roy had been her main reason for going to the academy, he had inspired her to take that direction. Roy with his noble intentions and selfless proclamations had made her see a purpose in life that would make use of her skills and teach her a profession. She saw him as someone worth protecting and the life she lived worth forgetting. She could start over and never look back. However without Roy to show her that, without him planting that seed in her mind she wouldn't have considered herself army material. She would have only had her father's opinion on the military and that was overwhelmingly negative.

The other prevailing fact was that if Roy wasn't in her life than there was nobody to trust with what she had tattooed on her back unless her father found another apprentice. Even then he had denied so many and she saw so few alchemists with Roy's integrity and intelligence, she doubted that was the case. You simply did not find alchemists of Roy, Ed and Al's caliber often.... if at all. So the tattoo...was still hidden. She knew the weight of this burden, how she has to always think about hiding that tattoo, and if there was nobody she felt safe giving it to than she was probably still hiding from the world at home. Without a motivation to leave, without someone to share this secret with she was still Berthold Hawkeye's daughter and not the Riza Hawkeye she allowed herself to become.

All this time she faulted herself for what she had done to Roy with this secret and never considered what he had done for her along the way. Equivalent exchange. Friendship. Loyalty. Trust. Encouragement. Purpose. Love. All came with a price, but what of value was gained without losing something? They lost their innocence and naivety in the war, they gained a better view on the truth and a drive to change the wrongs of this country. Without that pain, without that horror....they would have never embarked on this road.

She left the building and caught sight of Roy getting in his car with Ed and Al teasing and laughing beside him. He was a different man, not burdened by the past that tarnished his belief in alchemy, not the weapon of destruction that made him question himself so much. He was lighter, more like the boy she knew back in their youth, able to enjoy the day and actually interact with the boys instead of push them away. As he got in the car and drove off, she was assured it was still Roy Mustang because he made a U-turn in the middle of the road and ran over a trash can on the sidewalk before squealing tires and taking off.

She wondered if he ever saw war. If his alchemy was, by his admittance, barely enough to stay certified than he would not have been sent to the front. He was still brilliant and observant and friends with Maes, that could have lead him to question a lot. She had to remember it wasn't just the war or Ed's findings that lead them down this path, there were many signs that things were not as they seemed. Towns they visited that resented the military for good reason. Places, like Liore, where the only way you could not see the problems was to not look at it. He could have been suspicious of her just because she walked into his office and he never saw her before in his life! There was more to it though, more to just politics and ordinary military back-stabbing. She saw that in his eyes and she knew when he was trying to read a person.

Riza and Hayate made their way down the street and found a telephone booth they could use to call the town she grew up in. Hayate came in the booth before she closed the door and started sniffing the ground and checking out the smells. She couldn't help but wonder what happened to him in this alternative reality. Did he find a home? Roy wouldn't have taken him, he was more than aware of his lack of time no matter what his rank, and nobody in the office wanted him. She was honestly just happy she had him with her and wasn't alone. She picked up the phone and called the operator.

“Operator! How can I help you today?”

“I would like to make a call to the post office in Frenau, East City Region.” Riza replied and took the coins out of her pocket. The coin on top was the odd one from the warehouse yard, the one that started this mess. Or so she hoped.

“Please hold.”

Now that she had time to look at it she wondered what kind of metal it was made of. It looked like it had a reddish tint, maybe copper or a red brass. The edges were weathered and worn. Ed and Roy had reacted first to the writing which meant that it was the most bizarre detail of the coin and not the circle. She wanted to blame this coin but the fact of the matter was that she was not an alchemist and could not activate it, so how could it possibly be at fault for this alteration in her reality?

“That will be 100 Cenz, ma'am. Please deposit the money and I will connect your call.”

Riza put the coin away to make sure it stayed safe and then put her change in the phone to pay for her call.

“Thank you, please hold.”

She hoped that she would find out that this version of her had struck out on her own and made a life for herself, however she knew all too well how oppressing it was to live in that house with her father. She was independent and far from helpless, but she was also happy alone and was never far from accepting the recluse life that her father resigned himself to. She really had no reason to want more or have a reason to trust anyone.

“Frenau Post Office, how can I help you?”

“Hello, I cam calling from Eastern HQ and I am trying to track down an alchemist named Berthold Hawkeye? Can you tell me if he is a resident of your town before I make the trip out to see him?” Riza asked. She knew her father had to be dead by now, but sometimes indirect questioning provided the best results. People felt obligated to give you something after delivering bad news but were somewhat suspicious when asked directly for what you wanted.

“Oh I'm sorry ma'am, Mr. Hawkeye died a few years ago.”

She stayed silent and made sure to make a loud, audible sigh.

“However his daughter did remain in his house until it burnt down a few years later. She's living in the old barn now, fixed it up and comes into town for supplies if you want me to pass on a message to have her call you? She does mail a lot of books. I think she's selling off the old man's collection through the mail through a used book seller in East City. Smart girl that Miss Hawkeye, I'm sure if there is something alchemy related she could answer it for you.”

Riza had to admit it made sense. Stay home, sell off his precious collection that he valued more than her or basic human needs and then move into the loft of the barn where she felt the safest and the most at home. She could remain detached by using a book store as a middle man, keeping alchemists from coming to look for the flame alchemist's research while also giving her the needed income to invest in the farm and provide for herself. However there was the implication of more. “Is she an alchemist?”

“Yes, actually.” The postmaster said proudly. “Helps a lot of people around here, barters since money is tight for everyone. What we all hoped her father would be when he moved here and we're glad Riza turned out to be that kind of alchemist. For the people, you know? In a town like ours, it really helps a lot.”

“Thank you sir, you have been a great help.” She hung up before he could ask if she wanted to leave a message. She was reeling from the information. She wasn't expecting that. An alchemist? Her? Sure she had wanted to try but she never had time to spare for studies and she could never wanted to attract her father's attention. To ask him to teach her alchemy would have been more traumatizing than allowing him to brand her with his secrets. She fear him, and knowing how critical and difficult he was when Roy was studying under him made her wonder how she ever survived being his student. She never had the inclination to study because inviting her father's disapproval would have made her life more miserable. Studying on her own...was not a viable option. She had too much work to do.

So how did the absence of Roy in her life at all send her down this path?

This was her life and she couldn't comprehend the turn it had taken. She couldn't understand how this version of her could succeed in the situation she was placed in. Roy coming into her life had given her a connection to another human being that she lost when her mother died and her father was incapable of. Roy encouraged her to stop hiding herself from everyone, he made her smile and realize there was a world for her out there when she could finally leave her father's house. He pushed her father's paranoia back into the shadows and assured her there were good people in this world. Roy leaving after his apprenticeship had been the catalyst for so much. She wasn't afraid of being herself anymore, she didn't feel like she wasn't wanted or appreciated, she was actually looking forward to what life might hold. It wasn't all about worrying about the bills or the harvest, she made time for herself and it made her feel worth something. However...Roy had been hope for both of the Hawkeyes and if there had been no Roy than her father was without a promising alchemist to pass his legacy on to.

And it suddenly made sense. She hadn't chosen to be an alchemist, she was not given a choice. Without a youthful and mold-able talent at his doorstep, her father had turned to his only other option: his daughter. Just like he did before, but instead of using her as a notebook he used her as the student that he couldn't find.

Riza was suddenly overwhelmed with the thought of that, how terrified she must have been of the prospect of having to learn alchemy under those conditions. With her father failure was not an option, nor was approval and encouragement. After years of ignoring her he suddenly would have found a reason to take pride in her and that would only mean holding her to a higher standard than anyone else because she was his child. A standard that was already impossibly high.

The only good thing would be that maybe she avoided being scarred by this tattoo, although in true sense of equivalent exchange, would have still been scarred by the process of learning her father's alchemy. She tried to help the people of her town, but remained far from human contact on the property where she spent her life. That told her everything because she understood the rationale better than anyone. Alone by choice, alone because her father would have drummed into her how dangerous his alchemy was and how she was entirely responsible for how she used it.

She went from trusting Roy to trusting no one. She doubted very much that the house burning down was accidental, because destroying it was no different than destroying the tattoo with the flames that were born of it. The fear of discovery was a burden that weighed too much and she would be rid of it no matter how much pain it caused.

There still was a Flame Alchemist, it just wasn't Roy Mustang.

#fic #absent #royai

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zoesrhees · 8 years ago

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hey guys!! as the trash that i am, im going to drop 99 percent of my replies and start over fresh mostly because i’ve lost focus to be completely honest however i’ve taken the time to rewrite my character descriptions and added a bit more info and i would love some connections for them all, i’ve included their houses, fcs hometowns etc etc for connection purposes, it’s all gonna be under the read more

zoe; (arden cho) sophomore, 20, pre-law, kappa gamma kappa; originally from san antonio, tx but moved to pa right before she started high-schoo, cheerleader, big dumb idiot basically, a mash between ally mcbeal and elle woods, incidentally they are both her heroes, though she knows ally had her share of problems, she’s very much got a similar mindset. zoe does try to be a good person, she’s smart, loyal and sweet but often can be selfish, stubborn and shallow. generally nice to get along with, she’s not much trouble but isn’t afraid to stick up for herself and once she decides to stand her ground that is it. not the best at doing so of course, that person that will think of a comeback HOURS later instead. hopeless romantic who is in love w/ love, she’s a sucker for anything cute and heartfelt, really wants to have her own modern love story, but also afraid of being burned or being the only one to fall, does stupid shit literally all the time honestly, sticks her foot in her mouth a lot, doesn’t know how to react in uncomfortable situations and will literally RUN AWAY from you, just a big ole sucker, really sweet, really friendly, loves everyone even when not every loves her. serial dater, would love some exes if they only dated a few times, etc etc.

dulce; (ana de armas) junior, 21, drama major, gamma delta VP, from south beach, fl basically do you remember those my super sweet sixteen shows, that was dulce except it was a quincianera instead. she comes from a loud af cuban family and they’re from miami, her parents make bank bc her dad owns a bunch of businesses and she loves sunny weather. she’s a little bit of a brat for the most part well meaning, though can be vicious if provoked, super overdramatic, extremely extra when she wants to be, very in touch with her feelings, hispanic stereotype in so many ways, HELLO, loves her older brother to death. very very gay, very very in the closet, afraid of her brother rafael finding out and their relationship crumbling because while she wouldn’t ever tell him he’s pretty much her best friend. wants to be the next angelica schuyler on broadway, very talented. would love some secret girl hook ups in the past, like SUPER secret, she’s slowly starting to be more comfortable in her own skin and taking baby steps out of the closet.

hunter; (lyndsy fonseca) 23, junior, sociology major, omega alpha chi, from Savannah, GA & California in her teens, field hockey co-cap, she’s just a lil slice of gay apple pie honestly. grew up in the south when she was younger, lived in california for a few years and fell in love with her next door neighbor before her parents ripped her away, her family basically disowned her and she was ready to run away at sixteen when her brother offered to go with her, they were pretty much homeless for two years and did a lot of semi shady shit, she got her ged, went to community college and worked her ASS OFF to get where she is now, had a lot of disdain for her mom and dad who were very conservative and very ashamed and she turned into a very sour girl. hateful and disrespectful towards her family she is definitely not over how they hurt her. extremely defensive over her big brother, heinous but fiercely loyal, don’t fuck with the people she cares about or she will come after you until you never want to see her face again and regret your decisions, extremely persistent, extreme asshole, not afraid to drag anyone she likes to use men for money, a lot. secretly misses her parents and wishes they loved her, not coping with the idea that they dont.

bruno;(jarod joseph) 21, junior, graphic design major, psi delta social chair. originally from australia but lived in new york part of the time, too bruno is literally everyone’s friend. there’s no making an enemy out of this guy, he’s genuine, sincere and really fucking nice. also really high ALL the time, likes to draw and paint, really into grafitti like wants to be the next bansky and shit. when he was young his parents died and he was adopted by his godparents aka luna and rocky’s parents and he grew up with them extremely protective of both of them, luna is LITERALLY HIS rock like he would be lost without her and he loves rocky more than air like its the BROMANCE to end all bromances. it’s hard to see him in a low mood. very sensitive, really in touch with his feelings and shit, will literally give you the shirt off his back, super passionate about mashed potatoes honestly. if you’re a nice person, bruno is your friend and if you’re not a nice person he’s going to try anyway

ruby;(marie avgeropoulos) 20, sophomore, marine biology major, kappa gamma kappa, gymnastics team co-cap, originally from australia actually the nicest person you will ever meet, puts everyone’s needs before her own and is extremely worrisome, self-blaming and self-deprecating. tries hard to be happy for everyone she knows and loves because she knows they’re not all. obsessive over every little thing and vehemently wants people to like her, loves with her whole heart no matter who it is, big science dork, very into gymnastics, doesn’t drink much, doesn’t do drugs and just really pure, has a shaky family past but her siblings are her world, afraid of anything happening to them, literally terrified of losing her big brother because they’re so close, passionate, open, honest and genuine, tries to push away the fact that her past has turned her into a sad bean and puts on a smile for everyone.

true; (ricky whittle) 25, senior, pre-med major,epsilon kappa tau vp, spent a lot of his time in paris before going to college, he chose to defer his first year but after a bad motorcycle accident he ended up starting very late anyway grumpy old man that would be walter mathau to shame. lived in paris for a few years where he met the LOVE of his life holy shit, after she left he got into a pretty bad motorcycle accident that fucked with his leg so now he walks with a cane and takes a lot of pain pills. cynical as all hell, rarely smiles, mean to everyone except for his sister, probably still has a vcr and a member’s only jacket because he is SO behind the times. studying to be a doctor, only rushed greek because of his parents and his little sister hope, his older sisters are extremely driven and successful and he feels the need to be too, hard living in their shadow their parents impress so many values on them. has been less miserable nowadays but still just has a permanent raincloud over his head. think dr. house meets munch from svu honestly.

bellamy; (caitlin stasey) 20, junior, astrophysics major, tau alpha zeta pres, softball team, from new iberia, la, your basic human trash can, she’s a slob, crass and hardly cares what anyone thinks of her both personally and physically, thinks she’s hilarious as hell but is really just super lame and stupid as hell, meme queen, really gross, makes a lot of stupid rash decisions “for the vine” even though vine is dead now, fierce friend, HUGE know it all, she might act stupid as all hell but she’s actually brilliant and is that sort of asshole that will not hesitate to correct you, space gay, loves looking at stars and definitely thinks aliens are real, really close to her big brothers and her cousins, has had a her heart broken a time or two but is really good at pretending everything is okay because that’s just what she does, laughs everything off. fiercely loyal friend, hoping to be sponsored in life by taco bell one day.

#nyuooc #nyuplots

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