#however i prefer the corruption to my own anxiety any fucking day

[lemoncholy-stars]

absolutely hilarious how when im scared out of my mind and literally shaking that the thing that is bringing me comfort rn is mag 32 - hive

[garrothromeave]

mcd garroth + laurance headcanons for the sake of me posting something while working on my long-ass post, also happy birthday blaze ily, 

garroth - total momma’s boy. seems obvious, but it’s true -- back in o’khasis, he was practically glued to the side of zianna. whenever she had to leave for a few days when he was younger, he’d cry if he couldn’t go with her. when he left for the guard academy, he wrote to zianna on a daily basis. to put it simply, he had separation anxiety. the hardest thing about faking his death was not being able to see or talk to his mother. - incredible piano player. his father made him take lessons when he was younger for quite a few years, but he was naturally very good at it. he never mentions this skill to anyone. while they were at malachi’s castle and were looking for materials before they left, garroth stumbled upon an old piano and played something. he got really into it, and laurance ended up stumbling on him playing. he made laurance swear to never tell anyone about it. - when garroth was around eight or nine, his stutter was so bad that garte didn’t let him speak in public or around any people other than the family out of shame. vylad and zianna used to help garroth with his stutter.

- garroth is very sensitive to the saying “oh my irene.” growing up in the ro’meave house, it was taboo to use irene’s name in vein. or anywhere in o’khasis, really. nowadays he’s still very caustious whenever he says it, because he thinks that someone is going to yell at him. - horrified of getting hurt. back during the days of training in the guard academy, while he was very good with technique and fighting itself, he had a very bad flinching problem. overall, for the longest time, wounds and pain made garroth very uncomfortable. because of this fear of getting hurt, he has a bit of a stubble because of the one time he hurt himself while shaving.   - 6′4, because 6′11 is unbelievably tall and i honestly don’t even think that it’s canon? s’yeah. he seems 6′4 to me.

- garroth often sees new things and (internally) has this very child-like wonder response. he was sheltered for the entirety of his childhood and teenagehood. and after the guard academy, he stayed put in the same village for 5 years -- so he hasn’t experienced very much. he often wants to ask dozens of questions, but because of his shyness, he tends to just observe anything new very closely. which leads me to my next headcanon,

- because of o’khasis’ intolerance to many things, he was not very commonly exposed to magick’s users. the first magicks user that he directly met would be zoey, and he was very nervous when talking to her the first time he met her. when garroth gets to know her more, she catches on that he’s curious about a lot of things, and offers to tell him about things. he declines, and he regrets that decision to this day.

- as stated before, o’khasis isn’t very tolerable of things, which caused garroth to develop incredibly bad internalized homophobia. when aphmau comes along, he gets a very strong desire to protect her (little do we know, this strong desire comes from his connection with esmund) and confuses it for/tries to convince himself that it’s romantic love. it is in fact love, just platonic. so basically, this man’s gay as hell.

- garroth has more freckles than any other ro’meave family member. he’s mildly insecure about his freckles, seeing them as a ‘childish’ trait, which is why he wasn’t very bothered with the idea of hiding his face with his helmet. 

- his hair is super curly. it used to be more tame, but as he got older, it got more curly. it’s usually a mess because he doesn’t know how to take care of it, but it somehow looks hot as hell. (no homo ofc.)

- garroth is allergic to blueberries. 

- raven was garroth’s first genuine connection since he left o’khasis. zenix was his second. he loves raven a lot, and hates that he can’t see him as often as he’d like to.

- garroth is a total cat person. don’t get me wrong, he loves dogs, but if he were to choose between having one or the other, he’d choose to have a cat. he had a pet cat when he was little that he still thinks about a lot. (probably named sprinkles, just for the hell of it.)

- because of how he grew up, garroth’s actually a very picky eater. while he’d never admit it to himself or anyone else, he misses the more “rich-people” food he was spoiled with. 

- garroth isn’t actually that stupid, when he first arrived at pheonix drop, he had a name in mind that he wanted to go by (to better hide his identity). however, when his name was asked by someone, he panicked and “garroth” accidently slipped. he beat himself up for the longest time after that. the only reason he finally let go is because no one had ever pointed out how/seemed suspicious he had the same name as the deceased first-born son of o’khasis.

laurance - his hair grows decently quick, so even after cadenza cut it for him, it only took about 4 months for it to grow back just past his shoulders. he prefers it having some length to it anyways, and usually ties is back into a ponytail. after the irene dimension, he would let nekoette braid his hair. - has a very lanky body type. naturally has long limbs, and would often get called a ‘stick’ when he was younger. he’s about 5′11. but don’t confuse his thinner stature for weakness, he matches garroth’s strength easily.

- bi icon. fuck that “you were my first kiss” bullshit he gives aphmau, the list exists and while it’s stupid and weird, according to it, garroth was his first kiss. which is fuckin funny as hell if you think about it.

- laurance is very good with animals. more so rodents and smaller creatures, like squirrels, birds, rabbits, etc. cadenza was convinced that laurance could talk to animals for the longest time. he even had this little mouse that would pop in his house. however, on the contrary, larger animals -- not so much. he’s shit with horses and cows, especially. 

- incredible singer. has serenaded aphmau on multiple occasions, and has even gotten her to sing along with him from time to time. he sang for malachi to help him fall asleep every night since the day they met him. this caused him to start singing for levin at night as well. when laurance saw malachi again after the 15 year jump, within the first few days of his return, malachi asked for laurance to sing for him again just like he used to. which brings me to my next headacanon,

- laurance saw malachi as his own child, and treated him as such. they were very close, and malachi was the most heartbroken over laurance’s disappearance since he saw him very much as a father. it wasn’t that laurance favored malachi over levin that created this bond, it was the fact that laurance first-hand saw a child in need of a home and someone to love him, and it reminded him of when he was small. 

- he’s a sucker for bets. gambles, wages, anything like that. while he’s not directly a gambler, if someone offers he’s sure to accept. he’s a risk-taker, and ends up getting really into it. this also branches into his competitive behavior. he’ll be really upset and possibly a bit petty if he loses. why else do you think he still hadn’t given castor the 5 dollars he owes him?

- slingshot master. you give this motherfucker a slingshot he can kill someone with his impeccable aim. he’s also very good with a bow and arrow or any sort of projectile, but he’s the best with a slingshot. when he was younger, he hand-made slingshots from materials that he’d find around the forest.

- speaking of the forest, laurance is a very nature-loving soul. when he moved to meteli when he was adopted, he’d often go and explore the forests nearby. he and cadenza would use their imaginations and play all sorts of games. laurance and her especially loved to climb trees, and would jump from branch to branch. this helped laurance become very flexible. this is also how he met sasha, she was sitting in his favorite tree one day and they just hit it off from there.

- after he was rescued from the nether, laurance frequently had nightmares that would lead into sleep paralysis episodes. the first time it happened garroth had been looking over him (since this was around the time when laurance first got back and garroth had allowed aphmau to go do her lord tasks while he watched over him) and when he had the ability to move and speak again, he started freaking out. garroth had to calm him down and assure laurance that he’d talk to zoey about what happened. garroth and zoey are the only ones that know of laurance’s sleep paralysis, mainly because he didn’t want to worry aphmau or anyone else. zoey often gave him ways to cope with it. it didn’t happen every night, but it did occur at least 5-6 times a month. his sleep paralysis stopped the moment he entered the nether for the second time. 

- the first time laurance heard he’d made the list for the jury of nine, he felt honoured. when he was oblivious to how corrupt it was, he saw it as a huge opportunity. after learning about it’s true nature, he was still glad that he’d made the list -- because him being on the list prevented another person from risking being on the list and being chosen to be apart of the jury.

- yes, laurance can cook very will in this universe as well. it’s not that he was taught, it’s more that he can look at ingredients and just throw them together to make great combinations. zoey also taught him a few things.

- laurance does not know his real birthday. malachi does not remember his. since cadenza had “given” laurance a birthday, he offered to let malachi share his unofficial birthday with him. malachi accepted. 

garroth + laurance

- laurance began referring to garroth as “pretty boy” after seeing his face. he continued to call him that for the first month of their friendship. garroth hated it, and that’s the only reason laurance eventually stopped.

- laurance and garroth are both very good story tellers, but after one incident where garroth was telling levin and malachi a story, he started stumbling a bit over his words and couldn’t articulate correctly, so laurance picked it up and continued it. from there, they took turns with the story and occasionally interrupted one another to add a detail or plot point, and after that, malachi refused to listen to garroth or laurance separately when telling stories, because their collective minds came up with the most fascinating shit.

- garroth isn’t the best at coming up with insults because he’s simply too nice, but laurance loves to make fun of garroth (in good fun, of course). however, there is one thing that garroth could hold over laurance; and that was their height difference. whenever laurance would mess with him, garroth would just bring up height to piss laurance off. 

- when laurance regained his sight, him and garroth sparred very often. that’s when garroth realized how much strength laurance actually had, since he’d originally underestimated him. laurance, in all honesty, was equally surprised. their spars were pretty evenly matched.

- while these two are best friends, the amount of arguments they’ve had is insane. most of them were light-hearted and were more so disagreements, but sometimes things escalated and would result in yelling. that’s because laurance always took it a step too far. that, or garroth would try to disregard what they were talking about, which only made laurance more heated. but they’re both incredibly quick to forgive each other. once they had a really bad argument and didn’t talk for an entire hour afterwards, but once they saw each other again it was like they’d never fought. 

- since garroth grew up with everything and laurance often had to hunt and shit, garroth wasn’t amazing at it. laurance found out, originally teased garroth, but gave him tips and took him out and taught him how to hunt. garroth’s still shit at it when he does it alone, but when he does it with laurance he’s pretty decent. 

- garroth doesn’t drink. laurance does. laurance once tried to convince garroth to drink, but he refused -- which laurance respected, but garroth had to deal with drunk laurance for the rest of the night at the guard station. he learned things that he really wish he hadn’t that night. 

---

i had more for garroth and laurance’s relationship, but uh, i don’t really have time to write them down, so take these for now! i hope y’all enjoy them as much as i did writing them :]

[mshermia]

Full Circle - Webpril 01: Field Trip

summary: Peter and MJ are less interested in the field trip and a little more invested in spending time with each other. Someone, who's not spending any time with MJ at all is Tony, very much to his annoyance...

read on AO3

#

Nothing could ever even compete with the way Peter's stomach would flip when he would swing through the urban canyon that was Manhattan. Sure, Queens was awesome, it was his home after all, and there came a special sense of accomplishment with protecting one's home. 

But there was absolutely nothing like swinging from one skyscraper to the next.

Now, it had been forever since Spider-Man had been seen in Manhattan. Not since that day he had climbed onto that spaceship. He hadn't gone out there patrolling for a while after that final battle. When he had put his suit back on for the first time, it had seemed more important than ever to stick to his own neighborhood.

But patrol was not why Peter was back in Manhattan.

He craned his neck, eyes narrowed as he looked up to the very top of the MetLife Building. The name pulled an uncomfortable cringe on his face. It wasn't right. Years ago, the Stark letters had stood up there, only to be replaced by the Avengers symbol after the invasion of New York.

A cold shiver ran down Peter's neck and his entire back spasmed at the sensation. Aliens. The purple grape man. He shook his head. All that was in the past. 

"Hey, you okay?" MJ's hand slipped into his, hidden by their jackets from the rest of the group.

Peter forced his lips into a smile. Well, it honestly came easy whenever he looked at her. His skin broke out in goosebumps once again, in a good way though. In a way that matched the crazy rhythm, the butterflies in his stomach were dancing to.

MJ squinted up at the very top of the building herself now. "You ever been up there? When this was still Stark's?" She kept her voice low. It hadn't taken her long to figure out just how far she had to drop her voice for her words to stay just between her and Peter's enhanced-hearing.

"Long time ago," Peter nodded. "A few parties and tests in the lab before he sold it."

"Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity, Penis."

Peter stumbled to the side as Flash push himself past them, right between him and MJ. With a heavy sigh, he stopped right in front of them, hands perched on his hip like he was supposed to be the center of attention.

"Actually, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results," Peter hisses through his teeth.

"Well, you would know, Penis, wouldn't you."

Peter's eyes flickered close in resignation, his arms tightly crossed in front of him.

"Get lost, Flash." MJ stepped back next to Peter and pushed him to the other side of the group.

"That's so sad," Flash laughed. "Look at you all whipped, Parker!"

"Just ignore him," MJ mumbled, eyes now on Mr. Harrington who was handing out lanyards to every student.

Peter nodded, eyes on his feet. It was embarrassing, always had been. It was way worse though with MJ right there to witness it. 

"Dude, I'm so psyched!" Ned had been first in line to get his lanyard, excitedly waving it in Peter's face. "How close do you think they'll let us get to it? You think we get to touch it? I mean at least the... the exterior... wall... thingy?"

Some of the tension fell off Peter. His lips slowly pulled back into a genuine smile at Ned's excitement. "Not the way you're buzzing, man... you'll have to be careful not to trigger a fission reaction."

Ned's face morphed into a mask of serious consideration. "That would kind of defeat the clean energy aspect."

Peter laughed. "Exactly!"

"But..." Ned's fingers were drumming against his chin like he was preparing for his full transmission to mad-scientist. "...it would get me Tony Stark's attention though for sure!"

"Ha," Peter barked. "Yeah, but not the kind of attention you're looking for, dude."

Ned grinned at him before he stormed back to the front of the line. Peter however decided to hang back after Mr. Harrington handed the last two lanyards out to him and MJ.

They walked into the lobby side by side though MJ didn't reach for his hand again. Instead, she was craning her head along with everyone else, looking at the oversized window fronts that were projecting different things from facts about the building's layout from floor 1 to 70, the different companies renting office space as well as the event plan for the next few months. When the Tower was still owned by Stark Industries they had had information on all kinds of things that were happening in SI buildings all over the planet projected there, all the way up to the tall ceiling of the entrance area.

"You ever seen one?" 

Peter glanced at her. "An arc?"

"Yeah." Her eyes were now following the lines of the interior design along the columns to the exquisite marble floor.

"I have. Not this one though," he shrugged. "They had one at the Compound upstate."

It had been where Peter had spent most of his real intern days, long after the Tower had been sold, after Toomes but before the purple grape man.

"Not this one? No parties next to the big bulb of energy then," she smirked.

Peter shook his head, glancing over at her. "Nah. Most of Tony's guests prefer the top floor to the basement."

That did get her attention. "The top floor, hm?"

She said it in a tone that made those butterflies in his stomach tumble excitedly. "Great view up there..." 

"Yeah, I bet." She held his gaze for a moment before a lady from the security team ushered them through the barrier.

The students in their group were bouncing excitedly, following behind the tour guide towards the line of elevators on the far side of the entrance area. 

"You know," MJ said, her tone as aloof as always. "I've always been more into architecture than energy technology. Structural engineering, that kind of thing."

Peter kept his eyes on the group, his fingertips buzzing with a new kind of excitement. "You love clean energy."

"I love to use it, but it's not like I necessarily want to build the things that generate it..."

Peter chanced another glance at her, MJ's eyes waiting to meet his. They were halfway across the room when Peter decided to hell with it, he'd just go for it. One hand on MJ's arm, he held her back for a couple of steps, letting the gap between the two of them and the group expand before he pushed her to the left, heading straight for another corridor that forked off and led to a single elevator.

They kept their heads low as they stole around the corner out of sight. The corridor was empty like it always had been even when this had been Mr. Stark's personal elevator. The doors opened right away as Peter pressed the call button and they both slipped into the waiting elevator car.

MJ shot a glance over her shoulder then grinned at Peter as the doors closed behind them. "You know, if they arrest us for this..."

"Can't arrest us for something they didn't outright ban us from, can they?"

One hand clutching her heart, MJ beamed up at him. "Peter Parker, I'm so proud. I bet they'll change the procedure from now on and move the lecture on which sections are off-limits to before they hand out these." She gave the lanyard around his neck a little flick.

Peter barked out a laugh. "Proud of how you're corrupting my pure innocent soul?"

She stepped a little closer to him. The hand that had just been resting on her heart came to lie on his cheek instead. "The circle is now complete." She leaned forward, her lips softly brushing against Peter's. "Student... master... someone becoming the other..."

The butterflies in his stomach, well... they were excited. Excited enough that a flush of heat was rising up to the very tip of his ears. His eyes were falling shut as he leaned against MJ, her lips warm and soft against his until his eyes flew back open. He leaned away from her just enough that MJ staggered forward a little, her eyes flickering open as well.

Peter studied her face, his mouth still gaping a little. "Did you just quote Star Wars to me?"

The confusion fell off her face. With an un-ladylike snort, she dipped her forehead against his shoulder. "Let's say it's your reward for the rule-breaking initiative." Her hand found his as she turned towards the elevator wall. "Let's do this." Her head spun back and forth a couple of times before Peter even caught on to what the problem was. "Wait, there's no control panel."

"Shit..." His heart sank. That tiny detail was going to ruin this for them. "No panel, it's voice-activated. Fuck, I forgot."

"So, you just say the floor and it gets you there. That's pretty cool." MJ looked up at the ceiling. "Level 70."

For a moment, they both froze in anticipation but the elevator didn't move an inch.

Peter rubbed the back of his hand across his forehead. He was starting to sweat. This had been such a dumb idea. "You need clearance for it to work," he grimaced. "Shit, sorry. That was a bit anti-climactic."

Like he was taunting the universe, the doors of the elevator opened and both of them jumped in surprise.

"What up, Parker," Flash chimed up amused. "Trespassing, are we?"

"Jesus Christ, you gotta be fucking kidding me," Peter hissed under his breath, clutching his heart.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Ned was right behind Flash and followed him into the elevator car.

"Nothing. We were just leaving."

"Eww, were you trying to sneak off to hook up with her?" Flash made a face, his upper lip curled up as he looked from Peter to MJ and back. "What a sleazy move."

A bead of sweat was running down the side of Peter's face, anxiety clawing its way under his skin.

"Don't be such a perv, Flash." MJ had her arms crossed, a dangerous glint in her eyes.

"Whatever," Flash mumbled as the doors of the elevator shut again. He craned his neck looking around the car. "How does it move?"

"It's voice activated," both Ned and MJ groaned in union.

Peter squinted at Ned. "Wait, how did you even know where we went?"

"Saw you sneak off, didn't we... floor 70," Flash called out to the ceiling. When nothing happened, he pursed his lips. "Floor 70, please?"

Ned snorted, pulling a scowl onto Flash's face. "Well, I saw you. That one," he pointed at Flash, "just stalked me."

Eyes narrowed, Flash turned on Ned. "Maybe you should work on your sneaking skills if you don't want to be followed."

Ned waved him off. "You try it, Peter!" 

Excitement rang in Ned's voice, like Peter had the secret key to make this work. All it did was make his heart sink. It would have been bad enough to disappoint MJ, but Ned had just skipped out on the very thing he had been daydreaming of for years, seeing the arc, to follow them to a different adventure that Peter would not be able to deliver. Letting him down was even worse than embarrassing himself in front of Flash.

Peter pressed his eyes shut in resignation. There was no way the elevator would move. Without FRIDAY, he had no clearance. If it hadn't been for Flash and Ned, he might have made use of his web-shooters to steal up the elevator shaft with MJ... well, if it hadn't been for Flash... 

Still, he owed it to Ned to at least try. 

"Floor 70, please," Peter mumbled, resigned to the trip turning out to be the bust he had expected it to be.

His knees almost buckled underneath him as the elevator started to move.

"Woohoo!" Ned cheered, clapping him on the shoulder. "Dude, you did it!"

MJ grinned at him, only Flash looked a little pale around his nose. In all honesty, Peter didn't feel much better than Flash looked as the elevator was climbing higher and higher. This shouldn't have worked. He hadn't been in that building for, well 2 to 7 years, depending on who you'd ask. Tony had sold the Tower in 2016.

His head still a little fuzzy, Peter hesitated as the doors opened onto the top floor. He had almost expected them to crash some kind of function. That would have certainly explained why the elevator worked, but the entire floor was empty. It was almost eerie to see it like this when Peter had only ever experienced it lined with cocktail tables and packed with people in fine evening wear. 

"Shit, this is so cool," Ned mumbled, slowly advancing towards the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked Manhattan. "You can basically look right into the Chrysler Building!"

Flash had walked up next to him and waved towards the other building like a little kid waving at all the other cars passing through the rear window of a car. "You know, my dad said he's gonna buy this whole thing one day. So, if you ever want to be invited to one of my parties..."

"Well, he's a little late for that. I doubt the Tower will go back on the market for the next few decades."

Peter's insides froze. For a moment, he was hoping that it was just an illusion, that maybe he was just having a stroke or a minor concussion from patrol he hadn't noticed before. But when he turned, there was no doubt. The man that stalked towards them, decked out in a three-piece suit, dark shades on his face, was no other than Tony Stark.

Both his friends and Flash had turned at once.

Ned looked like he was hyperventilating while his high-pitched whisper rang through the room. "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod..."

"Oh. My. God," Peter groaned. "What are you doing here?"

Tony gasped, his face pulled into affronted shock. "Is that how you greet your favorite Avenger?"

One hand twisted in his hair, Peter could only stare at him. "I can't believe this is happening right now," he mumbled, staring straight at Tony.

"Okay, while Peter is still trying to reboot that genius brain of his." Tony pointed at Ned who's eyes were in danger of bulging out of his head. "Ted, I presume. Don't know this one," he mumbled as he pointed to Flash, but then his attention singled in on MJ. He strode right past Peter, an outstretched hand extended to her. "That means you must be MJ..." 

MJ's eyes were wide, shifting from Tony over to Peter and back. "Mr. Stark..."

"Call me Tony." The smile underneath his dark-tinted glasses was blindingly bright as she shook his nano-tech hand. That in itself left Peter at a loss for words. "I wish I could say I've heard a lot about you, but that would be a lie." He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder a couple of times in Peter's direction. "You'd think he was guarding Fort Knox. Scratch that, it was easier to get in there than getting anything out of Peter when it comes to his new girlfriend."

"Oh god, please, stop talking!" Peter's face was hot, glowing like the surface of the sun. Even as he was hiding behind his hands he felt like he was illuminating the entire room.

"See, even now he's acting like this is all a big secret. Like I wouldn't notice how he rather spends his weekends in the city now than with dear old me, but I noticed and I do have his aunt's number. I mean, what does a guy have to do in order to be granted some time with their... well, intern. I only saved the universe, well, half of it. The lost half. You're welcome, by the way." He pointed at Ned and Flash as well. "You too, I guess."

Unaccustomed to Tony's rambling nature, MJ, Ned and Flash were sporting an identical look of opened-mouthed wonder, eyebrows slightly pulled together as they tried to follow Tony's chaotic monologue. 

"It's not like I don't still have about a million things to teach him. Lesson number one," he turned to Peter. "You never ever stop making out with a girl to point out a Star Wars reference. I didn't think anyone would have to be taught that!"

Peter's jaw popped open. "Oh my god, you were watching us this whole time?"

He waved a hand at Peter. "FRIDAY and I were quite amused, I'm not gonna lie, but-- hey, come on!"

One hand on Tony's upper arm, Peter pushed him toward the other side of the room. While the other three were rooted on their spots in stunned silence, Peter had no such reservation.

"What in holy hell do you think you're doing?"

"Would you calm down? You're the one who's sneaking off without thinking about the 5 gazillion cameras that are installed in this building."

"And how exactly do you still have access to all these cameras, huh? Did you bribe someone to spy on my field trip?"

"Yeah, talking about that field trip, you know you could have just told me your team wanted to see the arc and I could have—"

"Don't change the subject!"

Tony tilted his head a bit to the side. "I don't usually have to bribe anyone to access what's mine."

Even though his eyes were almost entirely hidden behind the dark-tinted glasses, Peter stared at him. But no matter how long he did, Tony did seem entirely serious. "You bought back the Tower."

It wasn't a question and Tony didn't bother to pretend like it was either.

Peter's shoulder's slumped in resignation. "When did this happen?"

Tony shrugged, suddenly suspiciously quiet. 

His nerves reaching an all-time high, Peter blew out a long breath. "Was this before or after my school's decathlon team happened to be invited to visit the arc?"

"Erm..." Tony pursed his lips, pretending to think. "I mean, I'm not sure about your little club's time table or anything like that so I wouldn't be entirely sure if—"

"You gotta be fucking kidding me." Peter ran both hands through his hair, at a complete loss. "What the hell is going on with you?"

"Hey, it's not like you gave me much of a choice." Tony's finger was pointed at him, his eyebrows raised above the dark rims of his glasses, like Peter was in the know of what was going on.

"I have no idea what you're even talking about."

He huffed out an annoyed little breath. "Well, why is it that May got to meet your girlfriend and I'm still wondering if you made her up or not? And even that just because Pepper let something slip that May wasn't supposed to talk about when—"

"Okay, please..." Peter's arms and hands were stretched out, voice low like he was trying to calm a skittish animal. "...please tell me, that you didn't buy back the Tower just so you could meet MJ."

Tony crossed his arms in front of himself. "Oh, don't flatter yourself, Underoos."

"Oh god..." His head was hurting. 

"I did not. Pepper would skin me alive."

Peter wasn't quite sure if he meant for spending that kind of money or for meddling with Peter's love life in general. "Then why didn't you just tell me you bought it?"

His arms twitched with another shrug. "I thought it would be a fun surprise."

Peter glanced over his shoulder in the direction of his friends and Flash, but they were well out of sight. "Listen, I'm sorry I haven't made it out to the cabin that often. It's not... it's not like I don't want to come out, it's just... it's the other side of town and—"

"And there's not enough room and you don't have a desk there to work at and the basement is too small and Morgan's up at what feels like dawn and has you grumpy in the mornings and the woods are creepy and you still don't like driving and what did I miss?"

Peter's head was bowed low. He had never said those things to Tony. Not out loud. He'd thought them for sure though.

"I know things haven't been ideal and with the Compound gone, well... this will be the better option."

Peter frowned, slowly looking back up at Tony. "The better option?"

"The lab in the Tower will be big enough that we can have like three desks each, easily. It's close enough for you to drop by whenever you want or go home in time so you, you know, don't miss a date or something. If you want to stay over there's no reason your room has to share a wall with Morgan's, the kitchen, or the living room, so no early wake-ups. No creepy trees outside your window and the subway station is just around the corner."

Peter's eyes were burning. Somehow... somehow this did sound a lot like he was the reason why Tony bought back that damn building after all.

With a swift motion, Tony took off his glasses, the expression on his face soft but sincere. "I miss you, kid. I'm not happy with how things have been going since they... well, since we've moved back to the cabin full time."

Peter moved his weight from one foot to the other. It wasn't like he hadn't missed Tony. He didn't even mind the cabin all that much, things had just been, well, different.

It wasn't just about where Tony lived now, that he was married with a kid. It wasn't that he had retired Iron Man, not really. 

Everything was just so different and for some reason, Tony of all people acted like nothing at all had changed between them. 

"Listen, Pete, I don't mean to—" He stopped himself, lowering his voice little further. "If I overstepped and you actually... well, if you actually just want your space and you want to cut back on the erm... internship, either way, that's perfectly fine and of course, we can figure out a new routine for the... neighborhood side project to—"

"I can't believe you bought the fucking Tower for me," Peter mumbled.

Tony tilted his head to the side. The corner of his mouth was pulled back into a soft smirk. "I invented fucking time travel for you, kid."

Peter's throat was dry, but he tried to swallow the growing lump anyway. "You did that because of the purple grape. Because of what he did to like 50% of the universe."

There was a beat of silence between them. Tony held his glance, staring at him unblinkingly. "Did I?"

Peter's lips parted, but there was nothing to say, his mind simply blank. "Tony... I... I'm not sure—"

"Alright now..." Without another moment of hesitation, Tony stepped a little closer, his arms pulling Peter into a tight hug. "We won't do that now. Not here. Not today," he whispered. One of his hands, the human one, was on the back of Peter's head when he quickly pressed a kiss against his temple. "I missed you, buddy."

Peter's fingers were clinging to Tony's back, his eyes pressed shut as he tried not to think about what Tony had said. Tried not to analyze what it meant if he had really done all of it just for him.

It took a few more mumbled words from Tony until he let go. His head held low, Peter ran the sleeve of his shirt over his eyes.

"You want this?" Tony held out his glasses for him to take. 

With a wet snort, Peter waved his hand away. "Yeah, 'cause that's not super obvious at all..."

Tony shrugged, the smirk on his lips deepening. Just before he pushed his glasses back onto his face, Peter caught a glimpse of the glassy brown eyes, a little red probably not unlike his own. With an overly heavy sigh, Tony wrapped an arm around Peter’s shoulder. „Come on, buddy... I think at least one of your friends is dying to see that technological marvel in my basement.”

Peter scrunched up his nose, not even trying to pull away from him. “Can you at least try not to be weird?”

“I won’t make any promises.” 

"You could make up for it and let Ned touch the arc." He bit his lip, hiding a smile. "He really really wants to..."

"Why do you want to break that thing I just bought for you?"

Peter let his head drop against Tony's shoulder. "It's okay, I'll help you fix it."

#

This is the first time I've written something for this fandom that is *not* whump, so let me know, what you think!

I'll try to fill a bunch of these prompts, because I love running from my WIPs. Don't hate me for it ;) <3

[harleenfleck]

“The Joker and the Harlequin”

Joker/Arthur Fleck x Harley Quinn/Harleen Quinzel Fic

Summary: 

"You may not understand, but when you see the Joker laughing, I see him crying"

Harleen Quinzel is the new Intern in the Arkham Asylum, place where she meets the distinguished criminal Arthur Fleck, mostly known as the Joker. She fears of him, until for a meaningless revenge and corruption inside the psychiatric hospital, the Joker becomes his patient. In every psychiatric consultation they will have, Harleen will gradually feel a connection to Arthur, a fatal connection that will lead to her lethal destiny.

Will it be at least reciprocal?

Warnings of the story in general: Violence, gender-based violence, obscene language, sexual content, possible drug addiction and possible NSFW.

Notes: Well, after thinking about them a lot, I've decided to translate my first fanfic from “Joker” into English, what an emotion! I hope the translation be decent hehe. Anyway I'm sorry if I make some mistakes grammatical or writing mistakes :3 

I hope you like this first chapter, I'll put warnings and notes on all the chapters, and some lyrics of songs too. 

I also want to explain that Harley Quinn/Harleen Quinzel will be one of the characters that will have the most changes, oh no, don't worry, believe me, only the character will adapt. At first it would seem like it's OoC, but trust me, Harleen Quinzel will have a different yet similar development to become Harley Quinn.

And also clarify another thing about Harley: I'm frequently asked, "What actress should I imagine in Harley Quinn, In Margot Robbie or another woman?" The truth is, you imagine the actress you want for Harley, you're free to do it. Honestly, I don't have any actress in particular, sometimes I think on Margot Robbie but on other occasions I think on actresses like Elizabeth Olsen, Emily Browning, Esther Povitsky, and even Natalie Portman. Don't limit yourself! Imagine your own Harley Quinn for Arthur!

By the way! If you speaks in Spanish and want to read the whole story to where I have stayed, it left you the links of Fanfiction.net and Wattpad :3 (Don’t make spoilers!)

I think with nothing more to say or clarify, I will leave you with the first chapter, I hope you like this story! It will be a sad and dramatic thing, but because I like the sad and dramatic, hehe, enjoy it!

Warning of this chapter: No one. Just this one it’s short. 

...

Chapter 1

"Good morning, citizens of Gotham City, we hope you're all right from wherever you're watching us. Today is a tremendously sad day for all of us... Today 10 years ago was the Tragedy of Gotham City..."

The day was painted gray. For many people, they hoped the day would end soon.

But for her, the day just starting.

She thought about it while picking up her dark brown hair and making a bun with this one. She had to be completely prepared.

She looked her nails, making sure were free of polish and short. It wasn't like her nails always going to wear nail polish, she just wanted to make sure.

The truth is she was very anxious, and of the same anxiety, she had eaten her nails. It had to be a perfect day for her.

She looked in the mirror, feared that her makeup would be outrageous, fortunately for her it was actually subtle. She did not use many products on her face, however, she considered it perfect for the occasion.  The only thing missing was the most basic thing, the essential, what could not be missed by anything in the world in a makeup: The lipstick.

She looked at her collection of lipsticks, a collection made up for only five lipsticks. Of all, she chosen and had among her fingers one of her favorites, a red lipstick.

She uncovered it and looked it. Yes, it could be the ideal color, the one indicated for the occasion, because from the first time she was fortunate to try it on, it was the type of lipstick that made her feel more confident and self-assured.

"If you're gonna start use this kind of makeup, that would be no problem if you start helping me with the rent of the apartment, just pick a good corner, where the police don't notice you, but the customers do"

Remembering her mother's words when she discovered that lipstick in her collection, she made her keep it immediately. Ashamed, she preferred to use an opaque rose lipstick.

She looked one more time in the mirror of her dressing table: Makeup ready, hairstyle ready, clothes too. Everything was ready in her.

It was her first day of the Internship, her first day as a psychiatrist, and even though she loved her career as a doctor and the approach she decided to give it, she did not like the idea of where she would develop professionally. Well, she didn't deserve to be there.

She was one of the best students (Probably the best) of her generation in the specialty of Psychiatry. She wanted to escape from Gotham City, because that city, also being one of the worst cities in the country, brought her terrible memories. So, putting all his knowledge to work, she managed to present an excellent thesis that dealt with how criminal comportment was born in the society.

Of course, it was a pretty flattered job, one of the best in decades. However, the teachers in charge of graduating the psychiatrist, knowing that, despite the woman's attitude, they could see she was someone very beautiful, and they did not want to miss the opportunity.

The teachers told to the girl that for the excellent investigation they gave her approval and honors, but if she really wanted that, she must "met with them in their offices from 8:00 PM" or see them in the “Mermaid Motel” on the outskirts of the city at 9 p.m.

She, remembering fears of the past, rejected to be alone with any of those teachers who had made sexual insinuations to her, and even she exhibited them. They, in revenge, decided to take away her right to choose their Internship place and send it to the worst place where she could do it:

In the Arkham Asylum

She felt like a kick in her stomach when the rest of her classmates escaped to better places in the country. But she had no choice but to prepare and fulfill what the destiny told her to do.

Once ready, with her hand bag, her rounded glasses over her nose and her doctor’s coat under her arm, the young woman walked once more to her mirror.

“... It's your first day... It's your first day Harleen... Don't screw it up... Don't do it”

She left her room, ready for everything.

“Mom, I’m leaving”

Harleen looked that her mother ignored her, while she sat watching the news on TV. Without saying anything else, she left her apartment.

Not much happened when on the subway, Harleen delve into her thoughts and occasionally looked at people. She read from afar the newspaper headline of an older man who was focused on his reading.

"The Dark Knight stops a bank robbery"

Harleen knew who they referred to in the city as The Dark Knight, some are agreed with him and defended him, others hated him and wanted him to be arrested as soon as possible.

Harleen didn't care if that vigilante was doing the right thing or not, what surprised her was that someone outside the authorities did their job.

Leaving aside that subject in her mind she concentrated again on her thoughts.

Despite being at Arkham, she was enthusiastic.

When she was a teenager, she had always been fascinated by psychiatry: The study of mental illness.

What she could wait from that day?

“Hey little lady, give me your wallet”

“Eh?”

Oh yes, the bad luck lady always accompanied her everywhere.

Harleen's blue eyes rose, a guy with bad loos was pointing her with a knife. Her eyes became small when she noticed the assaulter's intentions.

She looked everywhere, waiting for help. People acted like what was going on in front of her was a passing vision. Something that wasn't really going on.

In a fearful and shy voice, she spoke to the criminal.

“No... Please... It’s, it’s my first day in…”

“Give me the fucking wallet if you don't want to die!”

Scared, she pulled her wallet out of her bag and took out the money, handed it over to the assailant.

20 bucks.

“That’s all, bitch?”

“It's, it's all I've got, I don't have more...”

Frightened, she hoped it would be enough for the robber, but she just felt something damp on her cheek, it was a spit, he spit on her.

“Fucking poor”

When the thief leaves, she looked everywhere again, the subway wasn't so full, but if there were enough people to get up to defend her, it was just a knife.

But she at once thought that not everyone would give her life for a stranger.

Disappointed that her day will not start as she wanted, she looked out the subway window as she wiped herself with a tissue she pulled out of her bag.

A tear ran down the cheek cleaned, dried that drop quickly. She didn't want to ruin her makeup.

When she finished to clean her face, she breathed.

She was hoping it wasn't a bad day.

She was expecting that with all the hopes she had left.

...

“Nobody knows, nobody cares if I'm lonesome

Nobody sighs, nobody cries if I'm blue

It seems that night after night

I sit alone and twiddle my thumbs

But still I keep right on hoping, keep the door open

But nobody comes”

Annette Hanshaw - " Nobody Cares If I'm Blue"

[kodoku-roxi]

Who are these 'Hunters'?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 23rd. 11:46 PM. A new face has appeared at Rainy Day police station. A young man from another sector who has been promoted after only 2 months after his initiation into police.

The young man was following Officer Daniel to show him the current ‘problems’ of the city. Daniel was a little stressed about the new kid; he saw only a child, most likely 21 years old, who had not learned how to tie his tie properly. Daniel opened his office door and let the boy close it. The officer was tired of the same rectangular room with an oversized desk with all sorts of things from coffee mugs to sheets and pens. He opened with a simple press of the ‘enter’ key all six monitors that were also on that desk. “Okay,” Daniel began to speak with a single clap of his hands, “do you see monitor one? Choose what you want us to discuss first.” At the last word, Daniel leaned against the wall with his hands in his pocket and let the boy decide. He looks at the young man as he analyzes the words and pictures on the screen in an attempt to find an interesting topic, at least this was seen from Daniel's perspective. “The Hunters?” The young man asks. Daniel opened the file that wrote ‘the Hunters’ and on monitor 2 were now shown 3 pictures, and on the right side of those pictures were their names ‘Smoke’, ‘Phantom’ and ‘Viper’ plus other short information. On the monitors 3 and 6, there was information about them. The other monitors had to be completely black. But monitor 4 had a picture, the name ‘Deadshot’ and the short informations about him, but below was a red-letter ‘Armed and dangerous’. “Tell me, kid, with who do you want to start? You have 3 people, the fourth person we leave at the end.” “What about Mr. Dread Man from here, it seems the most interesting and dangerous.” “Oh, truly interesting, young man.” Daniel smiled. “So he’s a cyborg. American. It will sound crazy but he is over 300 years old ‘cause from reliable sources, we know he participated in many wars.” “He was recruited and trained from an early age. He was the best soldier of the special forces. At the age of 24, he was seriously injured in an explosion and urgent intervention was needed for their favorite soldier.” “Going back to the present, we know that it is not good to anger him, I witnessed -unfortunately- at some of the results of his missions…” Daniel paused for 10 seconds and continued in a more friendly tone. “He still knows how to handle a knife or how to use any type of firearm. And he is damn talented at hand to hand combat, in short... He is a well-trained war machine. He is a perfect soldier… who.. has.. stepped on the wrong paths...” He was silent for a few seconds and then turned his eyes to the screens "Choose the next person." “Ok. Mmmm, I’d like to tell me what you know about the guy with the biker helmet, just because I’m passionate about motorcycles, but, first, tell me about Smoke.” Before the officer reacts, the boy adds: “Are Smoke and Deadshot brothers? I mean, they are very similar... only the hair is arranged differently. Why do you want to leave Deadshot at the end?” “Because his role in this group is unclear. Unlike the others, Deadshot loves to kill people. As he praises, he ‘didn’t miss a shot’. He has an... exaggerated.. deadly accuracy. As for nationalities... it’s just a suspicion. You know, both have a British accent… but…” Daniel suddenly stopped talking. “But?” “Nothing… it is not very important. Anyway, they are probably brothers,” Daniel laughed briefly and put his hand on his neck “At first -and I know this will sound weird- at first I thought they were the same person, but I finally convinced myself that they are different persons.” “Aha ,what about Smoke?” “About him. He is over 100 years old… Many saw him at different libraries or cafes, usually coming alone and then finding a lady to talk to. Fortunately, those ladies are not injured, killed or worse... He’s passive..” “Wait a bit,” the young man interrupted Daniel, “I didn’t know this group had a name. I mean, I was sure they didn’t have a name..” “Yeah, Jack, you’re right. We called them like that to be easier to talk about them.” The boy took a red pen from the desk and smiled, and with a happy voice said he likes how it sounds, just that he wants to cut that ‘the’ and leave only ‘Hunters’. For Daniel, Jack’s reaction was strange but it didn’t matter too much. Daniel continued: “However, Smoke is very skilled in hand to hand combat and with firearms. He prefers hunting knives or just fists because the alloy he is made can stop any bullet.. probably any bullet, we don't know for sure.” Jack leaned over the desk crossed his arms. “I understand. And what do you know about the leader? ” “Phantom, a good assassin, a good hunter. He has over 100 years. He loves explosives, yet often prefers to get close to his victims and execute them either with his knife or one of the swords he has.” “Those swords can cut through concrete and some alloys. He usually uses one sword, namely the sword that has two bells that he sometimes has tied to his right hand and uses them to lure his victims one by one.” “I have heard stories about his footsteps. That he can be either silent as hell or noisy, I don’t have much knowledge about it.” “Personal Information?” “Many sources say that he often attends places or clubs where illegal MMA matches are organized.” Daniel raised an eyebrow “This machine loves to fight.” At the last sentence, Daniel could hear a noise of discontent coming from Jack. When he asked Jack what happened, the young man said that the problem is far too complex to talk about it now. The boy was right. About illegalities in this city. It can be said that it is ilegal only if dozens of people suffer or die from that illegal activity. That is why the police couldn’t intervene every time. This fact made Daniel have terrible insomnia. Besides, more than half of the city police are corrupt. Rainy Day is currently a chocolate almost eaten by rats and covered with gold foil. Jack turned to the monitors for two seconds. “However, other information about Phantom?” “I don’t know much. I mean I know more about his old team... As I have seen, some were good people, but fate does not forgive anyone. There is no need to talk about them because they are dead.” “Anyway. I don’t know what his nationality is.” Daniel sighed. “I know that he is an alcoholic and often his performance suffers from this stupidity.” Slightly easy as he spoke he could see the face of the young boy changing. “That's all I know…” “Danny, to know, the alcohol has never affected my work.” Daniel could see how the boy’s tone changed to a slightly aggressive tone. “Jack.” Daniel said with a wide and forced smile. “Yes, Danny. I'm not a spy, stay calm.” “You read my thoughts now.” Daniel remained calm, he knew that he could do nothing. He recognized that voice. And a terrible anxiety overcame him. The room was getting smaller and darker. Was Phantom himself. “By the way, I’m from Romania. And I have 142 years. Smoke has 253, and he’s from Canada but moved to London, UK. He is registered in both countries. Also, Deadshot is 192 years old.” “And about Smoke and Deadshot. They are not brothers. Deadshot is a totally different person, who appeared in Smoke's mind after being strongly hit and left unconscious, and when he woke up, well.... wasn't him.... was Deadshot- Ok, I can’t explain this…. Oh, and we fucking hated Deadshot…” He paused and left the red pen on a document on the table. Document that should not normally be there. “But now, it's your turn to ask questions.” Daniel felt compelled to speak: “Why are you doing this?” The officer received a lengthy monologue about how crimes cannot be stopped and that it is better if all the dangerous people are controlled. All he could understand from the boy’s words was that they are good people who do bad things, but not for their own comfort, but to alleviate the disasters that bad people cause every day. Daniel couldn't believe how many disasters were avoided when Phantom and his old group were the strongest and when they could control anyone. He closed his eyes and pondered intensely at all the information that Phantom was telling him about the city police, and refuses to believe that everyone has connections with all those bad people. Daniel opened his eyes. “I understand that you came here to blackmail me to help you with all this masquerade, right?” “No Danny, I don’t want to hurt your honor, plus I'm not the kind of person to do that. At least not to people like you.” The boy took the sheet on which the red pen was placed, letting the pen fall to the floor. “You have gathered some information about Viper. Information that was not to be found. And he asked me to get rid of them.” And then Daniel watched as the boy took a lighter from his pocket and set the sheet on fire. “You see, he is a good friend of mine, and I would do anything for my friends, including accepting compromises such as getting rid of innocent or good people.” Daniel kept his eyes fixed on the red pen on the floor, while Phantom kept talking. “Unfortunately, some information must be kept secret. It’s a shame. Many policemen will die today.” That was. He tried to focus only on the pen on the floor but had not succeeded for long. “Oh, that reminds me!” Phantom exclaims. Then Daniel looks up and watches as the person in front of him suddenly changes his appearance. And then Daniel saw Phantom. A black mulched blouse and some black and white camouflage pants take the place of the police uniform, and a bayonet was fixed on the left leg. At the waist was tight a belt with two smoke grenades and 4 bags. He didn't have his swords, but the bells were tied to the wrist of his right hand. Daniel noticed that Phantom was not wearing his helmet, and then he could finally see his face. He could see his black hair. But he couldn’t see his eyes. It took him a few seconds to realize that a gun was pointed at him. And from the moment he noticed this, the whole room had disappeared. Now, he only saw the gun. His mind was completely empty. And then he had heard Phantom’s voice: “I’m sorry. You’re a good man. And that’s why you finally deserve to rest.” And in the next second, Daniel took his eyes from the gun aimed at his head and looked at the boy, and then he heard a loud sound followed by a short buzzing- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thank you for reading~ And.... I'm sorry for my English Have a nice day~ (if you see any mistake please let me know) ^^

[thepatricktreestump]

pride month asks!

some questions and answers about my experience with LGBTQ+

1.       What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? 

I identify as bisexual and genderfluid, so my pronouns regularly change from she/her to he/him.

2.      How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

I have always been a huge ally to the LGBTQ+ community, but one day I was stepping out of the shower, and kind of thinking to myself what the difference between having sex with a guy and having sex with a girl was. After contemplation, I thought to myself that they really weren’t all that different to me, and I’d probably enjoy having sex with a girl just as much as having sex with a guy. I researched online a little bit, and I figured out that yeah, I’m probably bi. Especially after I fell in love with both Brendon Urie and his wife Sarah, I was pretty damn sure I was bi.

3.      Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Sometimes I do, but it honestly doesn’t bother me too much because I come from a very conservative, religious, small town background. I grew up in a private Catholic school where everyone is Republican and nobody even knows what being gay is, much less a different gender. So I’m kind of used to putting up a façade for others. As I graduated and moved away from my hometown, things have been much better, and by politely correcting others, I’m able to be confident in who I am as well as educate the people around me.

4.      Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

Oh god, haha. I distinctly remember that night when I knew I was going to tell my best friend I was genderfluid. I was so nervous and scared, I just sort of blurted it out over text, in all caps, like “I’M GENDERFLUID” and then I kind of panicked, so I proceeded to send her about a hundred Hamilton gifs to cover up what I had typed out and sent. Although it was awkward in the moment, we both laugh about it to this day, and she’s been so accepting and kind to me ever since that moment.

5.      Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

For my friends, it was a lot of anxiety and doubt. For my parents, fear and chaos. My friends didn’t understand, they thought it was a disease of some sort, and actually a lot of them stopped talking to me. Again, conservative religious background, but still, no excuse. I grew up in a very abusive household, and it wasn’t my choice to come out. My therapist had forced me to tell my parents in a session and it was an absolute mess. Coming out wasn’t the best experience, especially as a freshman in high school.

6.      If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

I kind of explained above, but basically not so well. My dad went absolutely off on me, and said some of the most horrible things I have ever been told in my life. He said that I was dragging everyone I knew towards hell, that what I was is unmoral, unnatural, and unnormal, acted like I was some sort of monster, said it was extremely difficult to even be related to me, and that I was corrupting his family and disrespecting his household. It was a miserable time for me, but through music, I was able to write a song about it that helped me cope.

7.      What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

A lot of people assume that because I’m bisexual, I’m some sort of fetish they can use to fulfill their dirty fantasies. I’m always asked to be a part of a couple’s threesome. I am told that the only reason I’m bi is because I want double the opportunities to have sex. It’s ridiculous and disgusting. I’m bi because I like people. Not because I like sex.

8.     Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

I really fucking love beanies! Most of the time I read that’s the essential clothing item for all genderfluid people, which makes me laugh, because it’s true. Combat boots or converse, black jeans, a band t-shirt, a sports bra or binder, a jean jacket, and a beanie is always my go-to outfit. So much so, to the point my sister told me that every time I go out in public I’m always wearing the same thing, which kind of makes me laugh.

9.      Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I don’t know if you’ve ever read the magna, Tamen de Gushi, but I absolutely love it! That lesbian couple is everything! I also really love Shane Dawson and Ryland Adams, of course. Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine and his husband is amazing. Elijah Daniels and Sam also make me super fucking happy.

10.  What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

Growing up as a theater kid, I’ve always seen makeup as accentuated and over the top. I only ever wore makeup on stage, and even then, it was special effects type stuff, zombies and clowns and shit. Once I hit puberty though, my mom would force me to wear makeup because she said it would make me beautiful. I hated it. She would force me to put on makeup before I left the door and it made me have horrible self image issues. As I grew older, I found a love for makeup through beauty gurus and drag queens, and I sometimes dabble in it either for fun or for special events like prom or fancy dinners. I always prefer no makeup though, I feel like to me, wearing it is just hiding behind a mask.

11.   Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

ALL THE GODDAMN FUCKING TIME. Since I’ve gotten my haircut, a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Wearing a binder also helps so much! However, I still really want to start T and I think that will help a lot. Dysphoria affects me in so many ways, whether my self confidence or my body image, my anxiety and my mood, etc., a lot of it depends on how comfortable I am in my own skin.

12.  What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Homophobic people are probably the stupidest people I’ve ever met in my life, to be honest. I’ve heard thousands of dumb things come from their mouths. I think the most outrageous myth I’ve heard is probably that being gay is a disease, and that simply being around another gay person will make you gay. Like who the fuck comes up with this shit? Smh.

13.  What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

How creative we are. We’re resilient and outspoken and passionate, but most of all, so talented. The queer community is full of inventors, politicians, emperors, artists, directors, actors, musicians, and more. It’s gorgeous just how much we are capable of.

14.  What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

The discrimination breaks my heart. The fact that we are terrified to so much as hold hands with the one we love in public. To be beaten, tortured, and killed simply for who we are. That is what hurts me the most.

15.  Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

No, I find it sort of ironic every time there is a pride event I happen to have a concert on that day. Once, a Panic! concert, which honestly is sort of the equivalent of Pride. We went and there were so many LGTBQ+ flags and people and it was so gorgeous. I have attended pride prom once though, and it was probably the most fun I had ever had in a really long time.

16.  Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I absolutely adore Miles McKenna. He has helped me so much in finding myself and accepting who I am. He’s such a huge spokesperson for the community and I am so grateful to have him in my life.

17.   Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I’ve been in several relationships, surprisingly, through parties and discussions and friends. My s.o. right now I met through high school, which was crazy in itself, but we’ve been dating for almost two years now and I love them to death.

18.  What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

Beautiful Music for Ugly Children is one of my favorite books ever and it’s about being FTM trans and I love it so much wow.

19.  Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

So very much. After coming out to one of my best friends, she stared at me, disgusted and went “well don’t try to have sex with me or anything” and then proceeded to never talk to me again. I’ve received dirty looks and glares, been misgendered on purpose, and even received death threats. It’s horrible.

20. Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

I love American Horror Story so much because of just how much representation it gives our community and how natural they make it seem! And of course, “Love, Simon” was an amazing movie that made me cry like a baby.

21.  Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

I don’t really know about bloggers, but definitely Youtubers! Shane Dawson, Miles Chronicles, Thomas Sanders, Ally Hills, Anthony Amorim, Elijah Daniels, Elle Mills, Garrett Watts, Sam Collins, Todrick Hall, and Trevor Moran are a couple of my favorites.

22. Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I don’t think queer should be a slur. I think queer is a form of self expression and an umbrella term for the community, and I believe many other LGBTQ+ members agree. It’s a word that we take great pride in rather than shame or discrimination.

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but god I would love to.

24. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

For me, it’s simply just a part of who I am. Just like the weather, my gender simply changes and I adapt to it. It makes me comfortable in my own skin and proud of who I am. I wouldn’t change being genderfluid for the world.

25. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I fucking hate the idea of pushing a human being out of my vagina, and I would probably want anything else in the entire world other than giving birth. Being pregnant for nine months sounds absolutely miserable and dysphoric, and I cannot even imagine going through labor. However, I would like to have kids, just simply through foster care or adoption, never like my own biological children. There are more than enough kids who need good homes who already exist and I’m more than happy to give it to them.

26. What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You aren’t alone and there are so many people just like you. Your parents do not own you and cannot tell you who you are supposed to be. You are you.

27.  What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

Gender roles are complete bullshit. Let a guy be a stay at home dad. Let a woman be the working one. Everyone should have responsibilities regardless of their gender. If there’s dirty dishes, do the fucking dishes, don’t wait for your spouse to get home to do them. It’s absolutely ridiculous, really. Just do your part in the relationship.

28. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

It breaks my heart how much pain and suffering one has to go through just to be themselves, especially for women and trans people. It’s horrible.

29. What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

It’s natural! It’s comfortable! And it’s normal! Being oneself is just part of life, there’s no need to have shame or guilt about it. Respect someone the way you wish you would be accepted and loved.

30. Why are proud to be lgbt+?

We have worked so fucking hard to be recognized for who we are. There’s still so much we need to do though, and we aren’t ever going to stop until every single one of our siblings gain the love and respect they deserve.

[devilsofficialfanfic]

The Name of the Game

Chapter 23: Terms and Conditions May Apply

Sendak had never really hated anyone before. Oh, he disliked people, sure, and at the time, he thought that was hatred.

Now, though… Standing before Zarkon, half a step behind Lotor, he realized that was nothing compared to this raw, burning emotion. This acrimonious revulsion. This caustic fire in his veins.

Before, he would have killed Zarkon if Lotor had asked. Now, he would do it on his own, for his own reasons, the moment he was sure he could emerge from the challenge victorious.

With the witch at his side… Something would have to be done, and Lotor would come up with a plan. He just needed more time and information.

“What are your intentions with my son?” Zarkon asked.

“I will know if you lie,” the witch said in her grating voice.

Sendak didn’t like lying. He understood the necessity, sometimes, but he didn’t like it, and he didn’t have to like it.

Now, for instance. He didn’t want Zarkon to know anything about what he had with Lotor, as if him even knowing would corrupt it somehow.

What had Lotor said? Every good thing that comes my way is ultimately destroyed? Sendak may have been determined to prove that wasn’t true, but he was facing off against Zarkon in this disturbing game he didn’t understand and hadn’t been trained to play.

On the other hand, if the witch really could tell he was lying… Then surely lying would incur an extra penalty.

“I intend to marry him, Sire,” Sendak said finally, “after the proper traditions are observed, and if he accepts.”

It felt wrong to say it like that, in front of all these people who didn’t see Lotor the way he saw him -strong, tenacious, sharp, talented, beautiful -and never would.

He schooled his features as the hall erupted in noise -he could pick out individual comments, but he chose not to - and faced forward. He couldn’t look at Lotor; maybe he should have lied, and saved him this humiliation. Maybe he should have done as Lotor had asked, and retracted his earlier statement, say he didn’t care for Lotor, pretend that none of this was real, and then-

And then what? Spend the rest of his life hiding the thing he cared about the most? That was...cowardice. No, if he had to fight for this, he would.

“Is that so?” Zarkon said coolly. And then he...laughed? Like the idea that someone might actually want to marry Lotor was absurd.

Lotor stood stock-still next to him, jaw and shoulders set. Sendak remembered, suddenly, that Lotor was almost used to this; after all, how many times had Zarkon called him here with the sole intention of humiliating him in front of everyone? And yet all he could do was take it and pretend it didn’t hurt.

Sendak knew it did, but he couldn’t do anything, either. Not yet.

“It is,” Sendak said firmly. “I have yet to meet another suitable partner.” The implication being that no one else here was good enough for him, and they weren’t, not if he had Lotor. None of them compared.

He knew, of course, that others had hoped to court, or be courted by, him, and he knew that they must now be envious of Lotor, an untenable position for those who had looked down upon Lotor his entire life.

“Then, in the interest of tradition…” Zarkon began, and Sendak felt a spike of anxiety at that. Zarkon was cruel, even (especially) towards his own son; what might he ask now? “In more recent times, it is customary for a father to ask that any potential partners prove themselves, usually in combat. However, traditionally… I may demand whatever I wish from you.”

That was true. An old tradition, dead long before Daibazaal, but still a tradition.

“You will be informed of my conditions later,” Zarkon said, dismissing him with a wave of one hand.

Sendak kept pace with Lotor on the way out; there was no reason to pretend that Lotor was only his prince anymore, no reason to hide their relationship, not when everyone knew. Had known, maybe, for weeks.

Lotor slowed to a stop in the corridor outside the throne room, scanning the crowd of corporals and cadets.

Sendak had an inkling of what Lotor’s plan might be, but before he could stop him, Lotor had already singled Prov out.

“Corporal Prov,” Lotor drawled. “There is a matter I wish to settle with you. I will meet you in the arena in half an hour, should your honor permit you to attend.”

Prov, who towered over Lotor, like almost everyone present, scoffed. “As if you are a worthy opponent.”

“Then perhaps you would prefer to fight me,” Sendak growled. Lotor’s description of his encounter with Prov left out all of the details, but Sendak imagined Prov hadn’t simply asked. As such, Sendak wouldn’t mind tearing him limb-from-limb. Preferably in front of a large audience, so that they knew not to touch Lotor without his permission.

Prov may have been able to get out of Lotor’s challenge by implying it wouldn’t be worth his time, but there was no way he could get out of Sendak’s without everyone knowing that he was a coward.

Of course, what he didn’t know was that either way, Lotor was going to get his vengeance, either in the arena, or by arranging a tragic accident of some kind.

Prov’s mouth was a thin line when he turned back to Lotor. “I’ll be there.”

Lotor’s answering smile was cold. “Of course you will be. You aren’t completely craven, after all.”

Lotor didn’t say anything else until they were safely back in Lotor’s rooms.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Sendak asked.

”If you have a better one, I’d love to hear it,” Lotor said, beginning to carefully don his armor. “This is the last thing my father will expect, and it…” He sighed. “It shows him that I am not stuck with you. No matter how distasteful the idea of fucking Prov is, he still wanted me. I have options. He cannot comprehend that, I think. He never wanted me; why should anyone else?

“I suspect that part of him thinks this was a...youthful indiscretion on my part, and that he’s forcing us together, if you succeed in whatever task he’s going to give you. Which I know you will,” Lotor said, before Sendak could protest. “He thinks that, eventually, it will make me miserable, but we’ll be married, so I’ll just have to suffer through it.

“And even beyond that… I’ve fought a few duels here and there, but never in the arena. Never on this scale. Prov was convenient; defeating him will earn me respect. Defeating him easily will prove that I am worthy of you, and it will prove that I am not an easy target.”

A well-reasoned argument. Sendak didn’t know where to start. “I… I hope that our marriage would never make you miserable.”

Lotor smiled fondly. “The idea of it alone makes me incredibly happy,” he said, fastening his gauntlets. “I don’t have the words to describe how happy I am that you decided to court me. That you want to marry me.”

“I have yet to find someone I’d rather marry,” Sendak told him.

Lotor reached up to kiss him. “I love you.”

“When you win,” Sendak said, “I would really like to show you exactly how much you mean to me.”

Lotor grinned, the first time he’d been genuinely happy in several days. “Then I’d better win, hadn’t I?”

[theaveragekenyan]

Industrial Disease...

Industrial Disease…

To anybody that worked in the UK TV industry circa 2000, ask them what their favourite TV shows of all time are and I guarantee, that somewhere amongst ‘Big Brother’, ‘Harry Hill’s TV Burp’, ‘X Factor’ ‘The Day Today’ and ‘Noel’s House Party’ all great shows, but ‘Faking It’ would definitely be mentioned. 

‘Faking It’ had a memorable format, by where the programme selected a protagonist to see if they could perform a job in which they held no previous experience, i.e a Plumber being a Chef, a Traffic warden being an Orchestra Conductor, a Politician being an Politician, you get the idea. Then, from within a group of candidates who had actual experience, a panel of experts would decide who was the best and thus work out if anyone was actually faking it. 

‘Faking It’ was particularly relevant because in one of the episodes they set up a person who had no experience at all to fake it as a TV Director. They did remarkably well and actually beat the other 3 contestants who were proper TV directors.

I’ve been working in Kenya for 8 years now and ever since I started working here, that show has constantly been at the back of my mind. 

My first Kenyan contract started in 2012 and this was the first time I came across the expression “Fake It ‘til you make it”. As soon as I heard that expression, It never sat right, it made no sense to me. I mean, I know the TV show was vastly entertaining and proved that you can fake it, but then again the ‘Faking It’ contestants had a team of experts essentially providing the greatest intense training course ever. 

To me, faking it, means that you can’t do the real thing, yet people use that saying to help them believe they can fake performing a job until they succeed. From my experience, I saw straight through the expression and anybody that was indeed “faking it”, or a better description “shit at their job”, would be found out and fired, we switched the format to ‘The Apprentice”. 

In my early days of working in Kenya, we went through a lot of fakers. Back then though, I was working for an International company, so it was always easier to work honestly, without fear and tell people the truth about aptitude in the workplace. Of course, we’d train, nurture and encourage all of our employees to change, open their eyes and become better, smarter, more productive and skilful workers, but sadly, for too many annoying workers, change was a skill they weren’t happy to learn. 

It’s deep working in Kenya, really deep. On the vast majority of days working, you will have the best day ever of your entire career. The pace is much slower, you get no way near as many of those socially awkward colleagues you find elsewhere in the world and it’s usually warm. 

Put simply though, it’s impossible to compare working in a productive, efficient, time conscious, rule compliant business, because companies working to all of those standards don’t exist here. 

Of course, any international that’s worked in Kenya would add balance to my thoughts. They’re probably of the type that came here and worked for two weeks, taught people chapter one, stayed at a lovely hotel, discovered the better parts of Nairobi, went to the Mara and then fucked off home leaving us to deconstruct their incredible ideas. 

In those early days of working in Kenya, I was tied up in knots, I became so confused it was scary. We inherited a magnificent team who’d learnt from “the best”, only problem was that “the best” was a scattered, dysfunctional and obtuse role-model at best. So the ‘magnificent’ team had learnt all those crippling behaviours thus creating a magnificently illogical mess of wires that we had to sort out. 

And I feel this is the problem, Kenyan’s have had to learn most of their technical skills from Westerners and this does not help at all if the Westerners that are sent here are cluttered with Western Anxieties and conditions, which from the ones I’ve met, is mostly the case. 

You see, if you give orders for a Kenyan to go dig a 3’ x 3’ x 3 hole in the ground’ , that’s exactly what you’ll get, no questions asked. If you need it deeper, you can have it deeper, no questions asked, if you want to hit Magma, that’s fine. The problem arises when instruction becomes blended, so the 3′ x 3′ x 3′ hole is now a 4′ x 4′ x 4′ hole and not round, but square, hang on....triangle, no, keep it round, don’t dig it there though, dig it over there, yes there. This scattered instruction style creates a pandemic of distrust, by where Kenyan’s assume that white people coming to work here are all insane and should not be trusted. 

Again, within those first few weeks, I’d give my Kenyan team instructions and always would be met with a “yes” then the instruction once it had been processed would either be executed incorrectly or simply not executed. This used to make me wonder why?, then it was explained to me very clearly that Kenyan’s will say “yes”, to anything a Westerner says. 

A typical example of this is;

Me - “Can you do that?” 

Kenyan - “Yes”

2 hours later

Me - “Where is it”?

Kenyan “I can’t do it”

Me - “but you said you could do it”

Kenyan “you know…blah blah blah…lie…lie…lie…it can’t be done”

Me - “Thanks, I’ll do it myself”

Always get your new colleague to repeat back the instruction to you, once you’ve learned that, it’s ‘Welcome to Working in Kenya’. 

Sadly the majority of people in the workplace tell lies which does not help. It’s tricky to cut through the lies and the genuine problems. I’m used to it now, but Kenyan’s will happily lie about taking their sick child to Hospital, their Uncle dying, their Aunty dying, their Uncle dying, their Aunty dying, their Uncle dying, their Aunty dying, their Uncle dying, their…ok all Uncles and Aunties are dead, their cousins dying. No shame at all, no fear of tempting fate, anything goes to get a few hours off work to go and moonlight i.e do another job elsewhere. They will then wonder why you have zero trust in them at all. 

I work in the Kenyan creative industry, which means the imagination gap leaves creativity as a challenge for many, but that’s a gap I see closing with more and more automated technology. Unfortunately, by the time AI has destroyed the world, Kenyan’s should be just about ready to compete. 

It’s tricky trying to explain natural skill, instinct, aptitude, how to look between the lines and not just follow rules but create them. 

There are three simple factors that have determined this situation. 

1 = Incorrectly privileged bosses in the wrong positions. 

2 = A binary style of working, inherited from the NGO / Finance world. 

3 = An under valued creative arts industry.

I have no idea how this translates across industries, but from what I can see, the story theme is common, an expectation of being told exactly what to do, fear of responsibility, fear of losing a job and copying too many bad habits.

The most obvious industry where apathy is plain to see is customer service. In all honesty, Customer Service is considered in about 20% of the country and this is often exclusive to where foreigners will be. Kenyan’s know foreigners demand a better level of service i.e they expect to be greeted, they expect to be welcomed, they expect customer service. Whilst this will be a certainty in the nicer parts of Nairobi, lusher parts of the coast and the more modern game lodges, the rest of the country generally sucks. 

I had to go and collect a TV from repair, it wasn’t repaired. All I had to do was collect a TV, but I couldn’t help myself so it turned into a lecture about customer service. 

I walked into the shop and was greeted by two assistants sat down at the counter eating their lunch, this practice is common in Kenya, so, now the persons mouth is full of beef. I waited for the gob full to be finished and I waited for my greeting. This greeting never came, so through my silence she became uncomfortable enough to shrug her shoulders at me in an attempt to ascertain why I was deliberately disturbing her lunch. I try and say as little as possible these days, the majority of what I say is indecipherable to the average Kenyan anyway.

We go through the motions of me doing the persons job for them and I end up with the TV. It’s at this point I request the person searches “customer service” on YouTube, I explain it may help to get a promotion. That’s a positive solution right?

In Kenya, the first disagreement a foreigner will have with the average Kenyan will be whilst in a customer service scenario. This is why I implore every single possible online feedback opportunity to be completed in full detail. I believe businesses are learning the importance of reviews and stars and are generally increasing their responsibility to customers because of this.  

When it comes to opportunity, Kenyan’s have been shafted by their adversaries far more than any white man. Colonisation sadly set the tone of working for a boss and being told what to do without any questions asked. In 2020, I find the legacy remains, which is sad. 

I’m proud of the people who have learnt from myself, and vice versa, what I’ve learnt from them.

I’ve been able to open minds, increase focus and promote a productive way of working, however far too many people have chosen not to take the opportunity and preferred to stay blinkered.

I am all for the notion of Kenya working out its own destiny, to take control of its ambitions and develop the nation, but from what I’ve seen, this is not happening. There are too few people benefiting from the corrupt economic model for the country to succeed anytime soon. 

If we’re led to believe what NGO’s and Embassies spout, then the road to a prosperous Kenya is just around the corner. All except it really isn’t, this is their agenda to keep the blinkers on the people. Evidently, the country has a huge skills gap, yet remains reticent against making foreign investment and implementing international expertise a priority. 

The lies need to stop, corruption needs to end, the people need to be honest with themselves, international aid and investment needs to be regulated and to produce their development goals plain as day. Kenya needs to work out what is most important to itself, it needs to take an online course in customer service. 

The most disappointing thing about living in this country is the inept apathy that exists. So many Kenyan’s I talk to tell me this, they are sick, fed up, embarrassed, disgusted in the way their country is governed. 

The potential of Kenya is incredible, yet week on week, we read stories of businesses and even even whole industries unable to survive because of greed. 

Whilst the hand out mentality and legacy of foreign aid remains, for now, this country will never be an entrepreneur, but rather remain a hired help faking it until it makes it. 

[heartbattled-a]

compiled list of headcanons for one Mr Sam Evans ! some have already been posted but have been tweaked in this post for clarification / better wording . ( template not mine ! )

SEXUALITY & AFFECTION . 

Sam is 100% pansexual. There’s absolutely no doubt about it in my mind. 

Those feelings were closeted for a very long time, pushed very deep down. Not because his family were homophobic (which they weren’t/aren’t) but because it was unacceptable in his old school. Sam went to an all boys school and there were very few gay people there and they were bullied insistently and physically / mentally / emotionally abused. 

If Sam was experiencing feelings of attraction or arousal during his time at that school, he did a damn good job of hiding it. Pretending that it didn’t exist. 

When Sam moves to McKinley, he begins to realise that being gay is okay. That being anything other than straight is okay. Kurt was his first example of that and then Blaine. They were definitely the two most important role models for the first few years at McKinley. 

Even though Sam is incredibly accepting of other people’s sexualities & genders, it took a much longer time for Sam to come to terms with his own sexuality. Hence why he was always so skittish whenever asked about his sexuality, especially from Blaine. 

Eventually --- canonically, around the end of Glee S4, Sam finally comes to terms with his sexuality. After a lot of confiding in his close friends (Blaine included) and a fair amount of time spent googling, Sam finally had a term for what he felt. Pansexual. Sam isn’t really a big fan of labels, never has been --- but it felt really good to have one in that moment.

He is absolutely shyer with boys than he is with girls. Boys make him twice as nervous as girls do because he has far less experience in dating boys or anything to do with boys in general. 

That being said, Sam will do his absolute best to learn. To be better at it. Though he’s not afraid of being seen in public holding a boys’ hand. He does know what the world is like surrounding the LGBTQIA+ and he knows that people suck but he isn’t ashamed of who he is anymore. He isn’t ashamed to completely know who he is. So he’ll absolutely hold his partners hand in public, will kiss them in public too. 

RELATIONSHIPS . 

Any kind of romantic relationship makes Sam very, very, wary. He’s incredibly cautious & nervous about them and it takes a fair amount for Sam to even consider entering one after everything he’s been through with the McKinley girls.

Sam has a fair amount of abandonment issues, along with trust issues and some other baggage. To begin with, Sam is incredibly clingy and worried. He panics and overthinks, which leads to Sam convincing himself that he’s doing something wrong --- that he isn’t enough, that he deserves to be cheated on. 

He would absolutely rather pine over someone that he likes as opposed to telling them straight to their face. Mostly because he’s terrified that the person will make fun of him for it or shun him because of the fact that his entire life story has been spread throughout McKinley high. (homeless, stripper, etc.)

It takes a long time for Sam to work his way out of the bad mental space regarding relationships because of how many times he’s been cheated on before. He will get out of it, it just takes a while for that to happen.

That being said, though, when Sam does enter a relationship --- he enters it completely. 110%. When Sam loves someone, he loves them hard and with everything he has. Sam Evans has a very, very, big heart and it shows when he’s in a relationship with someone. Hell, it shows in his friendships. 

Even though Sam doesn’t have a lot of money, he will still do his absolute best to spoil his partner. Not having much money means that he needs to get creative with date ideas and anniversary/Christmas/birthday presents. He likes to think he does a pretty good job. 

Sam is an incredibly loyal boyfriend. He is incredibly caring and very sweet, very considerate of his partners feelings. He is also very, very, sensitive. Proof of point: when he was kissed in canon by that photographer while he was dating Mercedes, he cried immediately afterwards because he felt so guilty even though he didn’t kiss her back and had no intention of kissing her back, either. He owned up to it immediately, too. 

APPEARANCE ( trigger warning for eating disorder mentions ! )

Sam’s hands are very rough & calloused. Both from playing the guitar non stop as well as lifting weights every single day. Some people think that his hands are soft from first glance but they definitely are not. He has a lot of callouses along his palms. 

Sam is tall. About six foot one. Around 140lbs or 10 stone. He’s very close to being underweight for his height. The reason being that Sam has an eating disorder. See more about that HERE, if you’d like. 

At some point during Sam’s twenties, he realises that he has a problem (with the help of friends depending on the verse) and decides to seek help for it. It’s a lifelong problem that isn’t going to go away with a snap of his fingers, as much as he wishes it will but going to therapy does help along with a few other methods. But the problem will always be there and he will always have a very, very, complicated relationship with his food. 

While he might look skinny / unhealthy, he is muscular. He works out pretty regularly (sometimes to the point of fatigue/dangerous levels) and it shows. He has minimal body fat because seeing any kind of body fat/rolls/any kind of sign that he’s fat or overweight (even if he isn’t) gives him really bad body dysmorphia. 

Sam’s nail beds are pretty much ruined by the time he hits twenty one. The skin around his thumbs are pretty gross looking, too. He bites/picks at his nails and bites/picks at the skin by his fingernails, a tic & sign of his anxiety. 

WORK, HOME & SCHOOL LIFE .

Sam has had quite a few jobs in his lifetime. Granted, they were all pretty short term & paid pretty abysmally but they were jobs nonetheless. 

At one point while Sam was in the Glee Club, he also joined the swimming team for a while, as well as the football team (and had the quarterback position for a while). Not to mention the fact that he regularly volunteers at homeless shelters for no other reason than the fact that he can (although he somewhat knows what it’s like to lose the roof over your head). He also worked at Dairy Queen, was a night time pizza delivery boy and was also an exotic dancer. 

He might look lazy, he might look spacey and distracted but nobody in the world can convince me that Sam Evans doesn’t work fucking hard. He was doing all of this to try and maintain his status at high school (re: popular kid) as well as bring in enough money to help out with the rent for the motel room, groceries each week & anything that his siblings might need (school books, shoes, shirts, etc). 

Speaking of the motel room ... the motel room that Sam and his family stayed in wasn’t all that big. There was one double bed in the room, with a very small TV and a dresser. There was no indication as to whether or not there was a kitchen (I assume there would be, however small) or a bathroom (again, I assume there was - it was probably just very small). That motel room was bursting at the seems, given that it was intended to sleep two people and instead had FIVE in there. The double bed would have been for mom and dad and there was a small fold up bed to the side, which I assume would have been for the kids to sleep on in the head & tail position. Sam wouldn’t have let his parents or his siblings sleep on the floor, which left only him to sleep on it. All the while working, attending Glee club as well as other after school clubs & acting like everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t. 

Sam absolutely does the same thing that Fiona (Gallagher - Shameless) does in regards to saving up money. He works as many side jobs as he can, preferably ones that are cash in hand & hire under 18s, then puts the funds in a pot and hides it away, makes sure to write down how much he earned that night and keep a tally so that he knows what they can afford for the week / month, in regards to bills and other household needs. He doesn’t buy things for himself, he can’t afford luxuries even on a good payment - everything he earns goes towards his siblings care, his parents and the house/motel. He always runs himself down and stretches himself as thin as possible to make ends meet and to make sure that his family have food on the table because he’s the only one of the three kids that can legally work. 

PERSONALITY .

Sam is insanely loyal. To the point where, if he trusted you, he would follow you into battle (or an equally dangerous situation with little to no care about himself). He is an insanely loyal friend, will always protect them and be by their side & defend them when they’re not there, to bullies and the likes. 

Unconventionally smart. Doesn’t really understand much about the real world & its details but can name all of the hobbits in Lord of the Rings as well as nearly every character / spell from Harry Potter. Likes to use fictional situations and apply them to the real world and nine times out of ten, it works.

Cares far too much. Has an incredibly big heart. Always working on himself, always working to become a better person with better ideals. Very open minded and accepting of everyone in the world. Is full of tons of love, even after all that he’s been through. Hasn’t let the world corrupt him too much just yet.

Funny. Likes to make jokes, likes to do dumb impressions that he knows are cheesy or a little bit stupid so long as it makes his friends smile because that’s all he wants to do, make his friends laugh, smile & forget their problems for a minute or two. 

Not much of a talker but a very good listener. Will listen to your problems and try his best to offer up some kind of solution or advice. Very empathetic, will try and put himself in his friends’ shoes to understand their problems if possible. 

Compassionate. Full of excitement. Loves to be around his friends. It gives him energy. Isn’t so much a fan of strangers, though. 

HOBBIES .

Sam is really really good at Macaroni Art (as seen in Guilty Pleasures).

He is also pretty damn good at playing the guitar. Nine times out of ten, he only has to hear a song play once or twice before he can play it almost perfectly on the guitar.

Not to mention the fact that Sam is a big ass nerd. He loves playing Video Games. No matter the console. Most of the time, he’d play on his friends consoles when he was invited over for dinner or for a sleepover. His family couldn’t afford a console of their own for a long time.

Pokémon is one of his all time favourite games to play, along with Mario Kart, Super Mario Brothers & The Sims. He likes a lot of games but those are definitely his top contenders. 

He likes playing board games, too. Like snakes & ladders, monopoly & checkers.