#however do you love me enough not to be a deadbeat

[pepperyduck]

deadbeat, pt.2 - toji fushiguro

pt. 1

synopsis: still too stupid and selfish for anything good to happen.

word count: 1.9k

warnings: more angst, sort of comfort from the last part, more fighting, one (1) paragraph describing sex, toji breaks into your house, megumi is your baby, unneeded plot twist at the end, really bad writing again. (18+ mdni!)

notes: i really had not a clue for what to do as a part 2, so i stuck with canon events (kinda). i hope u like it :) please go read part 1 before reading this! it's at the top of the post! much love!!

masterlist

“megumi, stop running away from me!”

 footsteps patter against the grass as your 1-and-a-half-year-old son tries to escape you. you laugh and chase him for a little while before scooping him up in your arms. he babbles and whines, now unable to run freely, but you tell him you need to cook dinner.

a year and some months have passed since toji kicked you out. you haven’t looked back since. you’d bought a house after getting a new job, it has a beautiful back yard and enough space for you and megumi to grow freely.

the only traces of toji left in your life was the dingy wedding ring he bought – that now laid somewhere in your jewelry box – and your son, who looked just like his father. toji’s genes absolutely outshined yours in the boy. however, you were able to look at megumi with more love than anything else in this world, despite what his deadbeat father did to you.

at the end of each day, after megumi goes to sleep, you enjoy spending a few hours to yourself, watching whatever tv drama or reading a book. after you put megumi down for bed, you stay in the room for a few minutes to make sure he falls asleep, safe and sound. and when you make your way back to the living area, a scene is in front of you that stops you in your tracks.

toji.

toji’s sitting on your couch, somehow broken into your house, and he’s looking right into your eyes. you can’t move. you can’t speak. you can only stare at toji as the uncomfortable silence fills the air more and more.

“wh-,” you stutter, anything other than the small noise unable to come from your lips, and you begin to back away slowly.

something had changed with you. since you’d left toji, a certain fear grew in the back of your mind, because toji was a dangerous person, after all. you had prayed things would be left alone, because you and megumi were just fine by yourselves, and toji is the one that told you to get out. the once fearless person you were was no longer there.

and the person that scared you the most was sitting in your living room.

“hey,” toji says, cutting the anticipation in the air, “don’t back away from me.” his words stop you once more.

“toji,” you mutter, saying his name again, something toji had longed for, “why…are you here?” you ask him, shoulders beginning to relax.

“i wanted to see my wife.”

toji’s nerve immediately angers you. you weren’t his wife anymore when he kicked you and his own son out of his house. you weren’t his wife when he cheated on you that night, either. you haven’t been his wife for well over a year. the divorce hadn’t been finalized yet, and you soon know why, when your eyes trail down to the coffee table and see the neat stack of papers you had sent toji months ago.  

“i’m…i’m not your wife anymore, toji,” you sternly tell him, crossing your arms over your chest. the fear you once had quickly fades, now replaced with nothing but anger – the same anger you’ve had for toji since you left his apartment.

“i haven’t signed the papers yet,” toji retorts, “and i won’t.”

rage boils up in your chest at his words. and the audacity he has to break into your house and declare you as his wife pisses you off even more.

“get the hell out of my house, toji,” you demand, pointing a finger towards the door – just as he did to you.

toji only crosses his arms in return. he doesn’t budge.

you stomp over to toji, leaning down and grabbing the collar of his shirt in your fist, “you’re the one that left me, you bastard,” a new strength makes its way into your arm as you tug on his shirt, forcing him to stand up, dragging him towards the entrance of your home, “get the hell out of my house!” you try and throw toji towards the door, and he stumbles over his feet for a second before regaining his balance.

too many emotions are running through you for you to act rationally. tears sting your eyes as you watch toji stand there, looking at the ground, a cold expression across his features. one of his fists is balled up. veins pop out of his arm. you lean against the wall in the walkway leading to your door, slowly sliding down until you’re on the floor. you bring your knees to your chest. tears slide down your cheeks.

toji takes a step toward you and crouches down so he’s on the same level. he reaches a hand out to cup your cheek, it’s the softest he’s touched you in a long time. you want to cower away from his touch, but all the feelings you tried so hard to push deep down — all the anger, all the sorrow, all the hurt, all the love — come rushing back into you at lightning speed.

toji’s dark pupils dilate as you look into them. he gives you once small look of vulnerability, something he hadn’t even done when you were married to him. he takes a thumb to wipe away one of the tears.

he’s sorry.

the words dare not come out of his mouth, but you can see, toji is sorry.

you break.

a small whimper leaves your lips, and you throw yourself into toji, wrapping your arms around his neck. his strong arms engulf you again.

“you…asshole,” you cry into his shoulder, tears coating the fabric of the shirt you almost ripped off of him. there are no smart remarks or retorts from the man, he knows, he just knows how much he hurt you.

the pain he put you through was inevitable.

as you continue your sobbing, a different cry comes out from down the hallway. toji’s head perks up at the wailing. it’s as if your baby knows exactly what is happening.

“it’s megumi,” you sigh into toji’s chest, quickly pushing the man off you. he stands up and helps you stand along with him. toji trails behind you as you enter megumi’s room.

there’s a look of unease on his face as he watches you pick your son up and hush him, whispering sweet words to him and combing his hair with your fingers. toji can see the resemblance to himself, how his child has the same eyes, same nose, same hair, even the same tiny eyebrows. he watches you bounce megumi on your hip, slowly settling the baby’s emotions, making him tired again in the process. as you cradle the almost asleep baby in your arms, you notice toji’s uncomfortable gawking.

“do you want to hold him?” you ask toji, voice still a little uneven when you talk to him. he hesitantly nods his head. you hold the slumbering baby out, coaching toji on the most adequate way to hold the boy.

it’s a sight to see, toji holding his mini-me, bolstering the baby in his arms. toji gives you a proud look, like, “i’m actually doing it!” but of course, his emotions go no further than the look on his face. he is content holding his son in his arms, he could stay that way forever, he thinks. his scarred lips curl into a frown when you tell him he needs to put megumi back down to sleep, but begrudgingly, he hands the boy back to you to settle him in his crib.

you and toji make your way into the kitchen, a much bigger space than what was in his apartment. the conversation you tried to outrun by crying and being angry is no longer able to be looked over. toji is left in the room with you, just you. toji sits in one of the chairs at the small dining table, you lean against the counter, across the room from him. awkward silence takes up the space between you.

“why are you here, toji?” you ask the man, stirring a spoon around in a mug of whichever tea you like best.

toji rests his elbows on the back of the chair, looking everywhere but at you, “i…just wanted to see you and the baby,” he weakly admits, although, you aren’t sure if you can trust his words. inside your heart, you so desperately want him to be telling you the truth, but he hasn’t earned your trust, he hasn’t done anything to do so.

you focus your attention on the cup of tea, still furiously stirring away, as toji gets up from the chair and slowly steps towards you. it feels like hours pass as he walks over, but eventually, he’s close and trapping you against the counter. an unsteady hand sets the mug down behind you, careful not to spill the hot substance on the either of you, and you stare toji right in the eyes, seeing a tiny look of lust.

after all the time that had passed, toji could no longer peel away the emotions he felt for you. he could no longer cover them up, remain cold, and stay mean. he needed you like this. he needed that person that took a chance on him, and he knows that no one else ever will be as courageous as you were when you asked him for his number that day.

toji leans in, and presses his lips to yours, giving you a light kiss that you hadn’t had in so, so long. you close your eyelids at the contact. once again, you wrap your arms around his neck, fully embracing the contact with him – god, you missed him. you missed your husband.

his hands find their way to your waist, he’s feeling you up and down, taking his time to touch all the crevices he remembers so well. intimacy. toji couldn’t find that with anyone else but you. it doesn’t take long for things to lead up, and toji’s carrying you to the bedroom, softly laying you down on the bed as you two rip each other’s clothes off.

toji makes love to you that night. it’s not fucking, or just sex, it’s a deep connection this time, so close, so cherished. more sentimental than all the months he spent with you beforehand. his hands are all over you, his eyes never leave your face, he makes sure it feels the best for you and him. hours and hours pass by, and the whole encounter feels like a moment, a dream, something so unreal that toji thought he could never have.

you fall asleep nestled in toji’s arms, the both of you naked and sweaty, and loved. a satisfying conclusion to the night. he waits for you to doze off first, and he watches the rise and fall of your chest as you so easily fall into a slumber, next to him.

maybe it wouldn’t be a good thing later down the line, maybe allowing him back into your life will end up being a mistake again. you aren’t sure if he will even be there by the time the sun rises. toji isn’t sure this will stay permanent, his thoughts of running away cloud his brain as he watches his wife sleep next to him, so peacefully. he doesn’t know how long he will stay.

but, neither one of you really care.

toji’s eyes shoot open at the familiar sobbing of a baby. he sits straight up, covered in sweat, as if a nightmare had just ensued.

the bed is empty, he’s alone…and he remembers he’s been alone. you’ve been gone, for many months now, gone in a way you’re unable to return from.

it wasn’t a nightmare, no.

it was all a dream.

[salaimoi]

𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 — 𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆 𝒆𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉

[˚୨୧⋆. 𝒔𝒚𝒑𝒏𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒔] after his wife’s death, you became toji fushiguro’s only reliant shoulder. however, unbeknownst to you, your deceased friend’s ex-husband had ulterior motives in mind when he began to pursue you.

[˚୨୧⋆. 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆] angst

[˚୨୧⋆. 𝒘𝒄] 2.k

[˚୨୧⋆. 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔] yellow is reader’s pov, blue is toji’s pov. it might sound repetitive and rushed bc i just wanted to get this out of my drafts. i know billie’s song came out like ages ago so it wouldn’t make sense to release this any later than it already is

𓂃 ོ𓂃 Things fall apart, and time breaks your heart. I wasn't there, but I know.

toji always reassured you a million times; he wasn’t heartbroken over his split with his ex-wife, not in the slightest. he rarely opened up about his past, let alone his previous relationships. and yet, deep down, you knew he hadn’t properly processed their rupture.

the most he ever disclosed to you was the fact that there was nothing left to salvage in his old relationship — so he moved on, and so did she. 

but was that the entire truth? 

you noticed the prolonged glances he would take when opening his wallet. the empty look behind his eyes when he stared down at his naked ring finger. even the faint sniffling at night that he tried convincing you were nothing more than allergies. but you knew he was silently mourning her. 

her – the real love of his life.

She was my girl. I showed her the world, but fell out of love and we both let go. ⋆࿐

i made it my life goal to tend to her happiness. the only reason for my very existence was to see that she had everything she could ever want. hell, that’s the only thing i’ve ever been good at.

i never kept anything from her — except my line of work. i couldn’t bring myself to tell her the man she fell in love with was a deadbeat mercenary who bathed in the blood of others for a living. as much as i tried to protect her from that side of my life, she eventually went digging her nose where it wasn’t needed. 

the aftermath of her discovering the truth about my hidden agenda came at the price of our relationship. 

she couldn’t withstand the constant pain of being by my side any longer, to turn in bed only to see a bastard by her side. she wholeheartedly believed that the man that now stood before her was no longer the one she fell in love with. 

somehow i didn’t blame her.

She was cryin’ on my shoulder. All I could do was hold her.

i still remember it so vividly — how her body trembled against mine like a leaf. tears coursed down her cheeks as she clung to me like a lifeline, seeking comfort in the midst of her anguish. as selfish as it may sound, the weight of her sorrow became almost too much to bear. 

i couldn't offer excuses or apologies; these were empty gestures that wouldn't alleviate the agony she felt at that moment. instead, i stood there, silently holding her, offering my presence as the only comfort.

the guilt washed over me in waves as i cradled her, feeling her heart shatter a little more with each sob. i knew i was the cause of her pain, yet i couldn’t tell her the whole truth. all i could do was hold her, wishing i could undo the past.

𓂃 ོ𓂃 Only made us closer until July.

the moment he began pursuing you when enough time had gone by, it immediately felt wrong. he was your friend’s ex-husband, after all. toji had never looked at you twice before, and now, he suddenly had lustful eyes for you? 

you eventually conceded because you wanted to be there for him, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he had no ulterior motives. but one way or another, every conversation at dinner circled back to her. 

“oh she loved mashed potatoes.” 

“fun fact, she had a strawberry allergy.” 

“did you know this brand of vanilla ice cream was her favorite?”

and as much as it pained you, you became a reliant ear for him — someone who would listen to all the little details he swore he had forgotten the day she divorced him. even if every bone in your body wanted to run in the opposite direction, far, far away from him, you stayed. 

maybe all he needs is time, you told yourself.

right?

Now I know that you love me. You don't need to remind me. I should put it all behind me, shouldn't I? ⋆࿐

your affection always remained a constant in my turbulent world, like a gentle rain that falls softly even amidst the storm. but the longer the internal storm went on, the more ravenous the regret and guilt raged on. i found myself unable to fully comprehend the depth of your love for me, but deep down, i knew that your love was unwavering. 

i knew that in order to truly move on, i had to let go of the past and embrace the present; you represented that fresh start i so urgently needed. but the thought of her still lingered, a constant reminder of what once was but should no longer be. it was as if i was being consumed by my own memories, unable to break free. as if a part of me still longed for the past. 

the weight of my conflicting emotions burdened my every waking moment, leading me to push you away with no explanation. feelings for the both of you coexisted, and i couldn't fully commit to one without betraying the other. every time i looked at you, guilt would wash over me for putting you through this hell.

 likewise, every time i looked at her picture, i felt like a traitor for ever moving on as soon as i did.

But I see her in the back of my mind all the time. Just like a fever, like I’m burning alive, like a sign. ⋆࿐

beneath the mask of indifference, i was plagued by shame. it was hard to accept that the girl who once consumed my thoughts was no longer part of my life, and looking at you, i realized that your love knew no bounds; that wasn’t enough for me. 

i hadn’t stopped loving her. 

it felt like a fever that never broke. an unrelenting heat that burned deep inside me, reminding me of the girl who dwelled in the back of my mind all those years ago.

every word about my past, every little detail about my ex, felt like a confession at church – a church where my sins would be revealed to the world. 

talking about my past wouldn’t magically absolve me of my past, now would it? redemption was never an option for me, and i wasn’t asking for it. instead of trying to cleanse myself of my history, i decided to leave it all behind like a forgotten box in an attic. 

𓂃 ོ𓂃 Well, good things don't last, and life moves so fast. I'd never ask who was better 'cause she couldn't be more different from me.

he told you to let it go — to let it die like she did that fateful day. it was no use keeping her memory alive, he said, but if that was the case, why did he take her last name months later? 

not to mention they spent years together — even conceived a child together; a child he named after her, but that detail never seemed to make its way to you. 

everyone told you to stop comparing yourself, but how could you not? she was everything you weren’t even after death: soft spoken, graceful, gentle, patient, loving. 

you didn’t dare ask such a redundant question so you didn’t voice it, but your continuous comparison to her was eating you alive; toji noticed it. you hadn’t slept with him in almost a month, internally afraid he’ll blurt out her name instead of yours.

𓂃 ོ𓂃 And I know that you love me. you don't need to remind me.

he went out of his way to send more ‘i love u’ messages than before; they seemed forced, just like your relationship. 

she had previously informed you of things that found their way to the most profound recesses of your mind. you didn’t flinch at the time, because you were mesmerized that he did such things for her, but it affected you later on. 

you learned bitter truths that made you doubt his love for you. and when you finally realized he didn’t do any of the things she spoke of, it dawned on you; toji didn’t love you. 

not like he loved her. 

𓂃 ོ𓂃 You say no one knows you so well but every time you touch me, I just wonder how she felt.

you’d stay up late at night countless times wondering what toji’s affectionate touch actually felt like. it was something only she ever knew, and you’d do anything to get a semblance of that feeling. 

but it was obvious no one knows the real him — not like she did.

despite everything, you decided to give this relationship one last try by booking a hotel for the both of you. everything inside you screamed that it was a horrible idea, but you did it anyway.

𓂃 ོ𓂃 Valentine's Day, cryin’ in the hotel. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, so I kept it to myself.

and he finally did it. he mistakenly blurted out her name on the most romantic day of the year. 

“i-i’m sorry.” toji rushed to apologize, grabbing a hold of your arm so you wouldn’t walk out the door.

“I wonder, do you see HER in the back of your mind, in my eyes!?” was the only thing you could force yourself to reply in that moment, breaking away from his grip in the process.  

“i do,” toji dejectedly admits with a hint of sorrow behind his voice. or was it indignity?

he pauses, absentmindedly digging his nails into the tender flesh of his balled up fist as he grapples with his conscience. all along, he knew the day to finally hold himself accountable would come, but he didn’t think it would’ve been like this. 

his mind involuntarily wandered, and in the depths of your gaze, he saw glimpses of his deceased wife — a ghost that lingered in the back of his subconscious even after all this time.  

memories of her flood his mind, and for a brief moment, the both of you merge into one — his past and present colliding into one. the familiar shade of your irises, the identical shine behind them, the bright glimmer of light behind them when you smiled — all of it brought a pang of bittersweet nostalgia to him. 

silence overtook the room like a storm, and with it, your heart. so he does see a reflection of his dead wife when he stares into your eyes — the eyes he promised captivated him to no bounds. 

“was all of it a lie, then?” 

“no.” 

“how was it not a lie, toji?”

“it wasn’t a lie, doll-“ 

“don’t call me that.” you interrupt him with words almost sharp enough to cut him, a slight tremble behind your voice. 

tears immediately welled up in the delicate corners of your eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. his expression softened at the sight; however, his reluctance to approach you remained. he knew he was the reason behind your hurt, just like he was the cause of hers all that time ago. history does indeed repeat itself, doesn’t it? 

he wished he could find the words that would help ease your pain — the exhaustion and heartache you felt. to take it all away with a mere sentence, that would be quite incredible. but that’s not how life works.

“okay.” he finally whispered, inhaling a deep breath in a mix of defeat and remorse before continuing. “i promise none of it was a lie; i meant every word. i really meant it when i said i adored your eyes…” 

he dry swallows a couple of times, as if doing so would suppress the sorrow lodged in his throat. his eyes darted around the room, as to not meet your own out of the unbearable guilt that simply refused to be consumed. 

the hesitation behind his subtle actions was a telltale that there was a ‘but’ hidden underneath the surface-level flattery. and with an equal amount of incertitude and delay behind your own words, alongside with a hoarse voice, you brace yourself for the moment he finally admits this so-called love of yours was nothing but an illusion.

“but?” 

“…but they’re not her eyes.” 

part 2 here.

[cleoluvrr]

high school sweethearts (rafe cameron x reader) III

these are the requirements, if you think you can be my one true love

WARNINGS: mature content; dark!rafe, dub!con, corporal punishment, domestic violence, substance abuse & addiction, controlling behavior, coercion, manipulative behavior, stalking, toxic relationship, attempted suicide, kook!reader

masterlist

series masterlist

in spite of your refusal, rafe decided that the two of you were going shopping. it was the last thing you wanted to do, but rafe had an obsession with showing you off to everyone who had working eyes.

ironically, he didn’t hate when men looked at you–at least not while he was around. he loved it. he got a rush from watching other guys ogle you and know they could never have you. you hated public affection, but he loved to kiss you or walk around with his hand dangerously low on your back wherever you went just for wandering eyes.

fancy dinners, midsummers, the country club, charity events; anything that he got parade you around like a prized showhorse. you were sure rafe only took you to those things just to rub it in his father’s face. the child with a reputation of being a drug dealing deadbeat had a smart, well-mannered, soft-spoken girl hanging off his arm everywhere he went. one with reputable parents and was pursuing a college education. it made ward red in the face to know that someone like you was committed to his son, and it made your boyfriend feel overjoyed.

today was no different–not at first.

the last place you wanted to be was in a shopping center filled with rich kids and tourons, but rafe insisted that he wanted to buy you new clothes for the rapidly cooling weather. fall was in full swing and he refused to have his girlfriend walking around town in out-of-season fashion. it made no sense to you; rafe never cared about fashion being in or out of season, but you didn’t feel like putting up a fight.

the exhaustion of pulling your clothes on and off repeatedly was starting to overcome you. your skin was sticky and itchy from the hot fitting rooms, your feet were aching from the mary janes squeezing against your toes, and all the noise was overstimulating you. 

usually, you wouldn’t complain. you would just suck it up until rafe decided to take pity on you and bring you home with pounds worth of shopping bags that you didn’t even want in the first place. it was just something you had to do and there was no use in fighting him on it.

this time, however, you weren’t in any mood to be pulled around by rafe beneath the fluorescent, sterile lights of a crowded mall. 

after the second hour you began huffing and dragging your feet. you were sure rafe noticed, but he said nothing; you were still going along with it enough for him to leave it alone. it was hour three that you actually began to put up noticeable resistance. still he said nothing.

you hoped that your incessant whining would annoy him enough to take you home, but it was of no assistance.

your shoes clicked against the linoleum floor loudly as you stomped behind your boyfriend, jaw clenched and lips jutted out in a glossy pout. rafe’s fingers laced through yours as he led you around, paying no mind to your silent tantrum. you exhaled again, feet planting firmly into the ground as you tugged your hand away from him.

that was what made the blonde finally turn back to face you.

“i wanna go home, rafe.” you folded your arms across your chest as you said it, eyes wide and glaring up at your boyfriend just a few steps away.

he rolled his eyes in response, tongue in cheek. he was clearly annoyed, but you continued pushing anyway.

“we can leave soon, baby.” he reaches for your hand again but you step back to avoid his grasp. a pair of blue eyes squint at you in reaction to your act of defiance.

“don’t ‘baby’ me.” you snipped at him. “i wanna leave now, rafe. i’m tired–i didn’t even want to come here in the first place.”

he reaches for you again silently, his silent response only managing to irritate you further. you smacked his hand away before it landed on your waist.

“don’t fucking touch me!” a few people nearby turned their heads in your direction, your raised volume capturing the attention of passerbyers. “you’re not even listening! i just said i wanna go home now, we’ve been here long enough and i’m fucking irritated.”

rafe hardly seemed moved by your outburst, but his calmness was deceiving to the average onlooker. looking down at the hand you smacked away, his head slowly raised to meet your eyes with a look that had you struggling to collect saliva to wet your dry mouth.

the two of you held the tense contact for what felt like an eternity but couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds. nodding at you, he moved to walk in the opposite direction towards the mall’s entrance. his strong hand snatched you into his hold as he passed by you, long legs leaving you stumbling behind him as he stalked through the center.

rafe’s anger was radiating off of him in waves, so strong that anyone passing by could feel the heat filling the air. he never looked back at you once, but you felt as if he had a second pair of eyes in the back of his head that left your skin boiling. 

though his demeanor was calm, the bone-crushing grip he held on your hand as he dragged you through the mall was enough to know you were in for it. 

you, on the other hand, couldn’t help the chill that ran through every layer of your being. it was hard to tell if your heart had stopped beating completely, or if it was beating so fast that you couldn’t differentiate each thump of it against your chest. your mouth had gone completely dry and the irritation that once filled you was now replaced with a heavy cloak of dread.

reaching his dark colored truck, rafe opened the back door to place the shopping back in the back seat before slamming it shut. the harsh sound made you flinch but rafe paid it no mind as he dragged you to the passenger’s side. your lips were tucked into your mouth tightly as you eyed him warily, the blond man tugging at the handle to reveal your seat in the car. 

the drive to his house was as uncomfortable as you thought it would be. he didn’t turn the radio on like usual, forcing you to sit in silence as you traveled to your destination. it was five minutes in that you realized you weren’t going to your own house like you requested. the realization made your stomach drop. you knew that it meant nothing good was going to happen once you stepped out of the car.

the driveway was empty when the two of you arrived at tannyhill, neither rose or ward anywhere in sight as you approached the large estate. 

your footsteps were light and hesitant as you trailed behind your boyfriend, shoes barely making a sound as they landed against the old floors of his family’s house. the feeling of dread intensified the closer you got to rafe’s bedroom. you weren't sure what would happen and the feeling of unknowing unsettled your stomach.

“y’know…” rafe finally broke the silence between you two as his bedroom door clicked shut. “i do so much for you.”

sitting the shopping bags down in the corner, rafe takes slow steps towards your frozen figure. you sniffed nervously and cleared your throat in response. he places a warm hand on your face when he reaches you, the soft gesture not matching the fire in his eyes. 

“i do so much for you. all i ask you to do for me…is show some respect.” his pink tongue pokes out the side of his mouth to wet his lips before retreating. “isn’t that right?”

“yeah…” the single word came out just as wobbly as you felt. he nodded at you, eyes flickering down to your bobbing throat as you swallowed dryly. 

“‘yeah…’” he mocked your unstable voice. “so–tell me why you think it's okay to talk to me like that? is it ‘cause you don’t respect me?”

you shook your head against the palm he held against your warm cheeks. his gaze was unrelenting and you felt like you were gonna be sick.

rafe already had you on thin ice from going to the cut last week. he was still mad about you blatantly ignoring his request, and this was only another stroke of a hammer to a frozen lake. he hated feeling like you were questioning his authority, but it felt ridiculous to you that your boyfriend thought he had any authority over you as a grown woman. that never mattered to him though; what he says is law in his eyes and if you disobeyed that then you had to deal with the consequences.

cursing at him in public had to be one of the dumbest things on planet earth, but your overstimulated mind couldn’t handle thinking about what could possibly happen. it didn’t quite dawn on you until he started dragging you through the mall, but by then it was too late to fix it. 

he had a short fuse and you’d lit it with your thoughtless actions. 

“i was just tired, rafe, that’s all.” you pouted up at him in hopes that he’d feel some sympathy for you rather than whatever had his bright blue eyes turn a dark shade of navy. “i didn’t mean to disrespect you. i just wasn’t thinking and it came out mean, i’m sorry…”

“you wouldn’t have to apologize all the time if you just…started thinking, huh?” his hand retracted from your face just a couple inches before reconnecting harshly. his palm stung against your skin, not enough to leave a mark but enough to serve as a warning. “fucking answer me.”

“no, i wouldn’t. you’re right,” the warm tingling of your cheek let you know there was no pouting your way out of this. “i was being dumb. i’ll do better, rafey, i promise…”

manipulation was wrong, but what choice did you really have? despite rafe being quick to anger, his soft spot for you was a weakness you’ve learned to use to your advantage over the years. 

when you looked up at him with pitiful, teary eyes and used that cute nickname for him in that little voice that pulled at his heartstrings, how could he stay mad at you? how could he reprimand you when you were being so sweet, so docile? 

you knew very well that he was wrapped around your finger even if he did have the upperhand in the relationship, and you would absolutely play on that when you needed to. 

like right now.

“baby…” rafe sighed at your wet eyes, demeanor softening at the sight. he thumbs over the skin of your cheek where he struck just you moments earlier in a soothing manner. 

looking down towards the floor you begin picking at your nails, the glossy french tips occupying your line of sight instead. it was something you always did when you were nervous, but this time it was only for show. 

“i’m really sorry.” if rafe were so close he wouldnt have heard the words leave your mouth. you prayed to whatever deity was watching over you to let the act work; rafe’s punishments were nothing you wanted to be on the receiving end of at the moment. 

rafe exhales again before removing his hand from your face. pulling you into his chest, he leans down to place a kiss to the top of your head amidst your embrace. if it wouldn’t completely jeopardize the situation you’d jump for joy. you melt into his arms, your own limbs moving to wrap around his lean torso. his hand reaches up to stroke over your head sweetly as he speaks into your scalp.

“go lie on the bed.” 

you tilted your head up at him in confusion. his softened eyes started down at you expectantly before glancing pointedly at the bed a few feet away. your feet carried you to the frame hesitantly, brows coming together as you pulled yourself up on the mattress. you’d barely settled before rafe was right there with you, his soft lips capturing yours in an embrace.

a sound of surprise on your end was swallowed by your boyfriend as he kept your lips connected. his hand came up to cup your jaw, using his thumb to pull your chin down and give him access to the pink of your mouth. you felt his tongue roll over yours gently a few times, the wet sound of saliva mixing filling your ears. 

there was nothing rough about it. even when he nipped at the flesh of your puffy bottom lip, he would take it in between his own and take away the sting of it. his air mingled with yours, and the taste of him almost distracted you from what got you here in the first place. he was good at that–distracting you.

so good, that you don’t notice the sneaky hand traveling between your bodies.

you jolt when a pair of fingers lands between your legs, ones that were not your own, and traces over the thin fabric of your underwear. rafe stopped you from pulling away, the hand on your chin moving to the back of your head to keep you in place. it was hard to focus on reciprocating the kiss when you were trying to stop yourself from pushing your hips up into his slow moving hand.

the feeling of him ghosting over your panties had you whining involuntarily, face heating up with embarrassment after the sound escaped your dry throat. rafe pulled away at the noise, a small smile grazing his lips as he watched you from above. you didn’t even notice that you were grinding into his barely there fingers, desperate for him to give you something more. it had been weeks since you touched yourself, and the last time rafe touched you was before you tried to break up with him.

“you’re so cute…” rafe spoke softly against your parted lips. a breathy chuckle escaped him when you frowned at him frustratedly. “stop pouting, it’s not gonna make me go any faster.”

despite him saying that, you feel him apply more pressure to your now pulsating clit. the friction of the fabric separating his fingers from your bare skin felt good, but not good enough to satisfy you for long. he stroked you from the bottom of your clothed slit all the way to the very top of your pussy before traveling back down and repeating the action. 

the slow, tantalizing circles around your attention–seeking bud made you feel just as miserable as you felt desperate for him to continue. 

rafe’s eyes scanned every inch of your face; the way you trapped your lip between your teeth to keep yourself quiet, the way your big, glossy eyes stared up at him, how your breath hitches when he applied the smallest amount of pressure. there was no hiding anything from him, not when both of you could feel the arousal leaking through the thin, pink fabric that kept your modesty.

he chuckled breathily when you brought a hand down to meet his wrist. you were sure if you wanted to push him away or pull him in closer.

“what is it, baby?” rafe asks curiously. he raises a dark blond brow at the soft whine that slips from your mouth, the answer not satisfactory enough for him. “know how to cuss me out, right? your mouth works just fine–use it.”

you blinked at him slowly, the snippy response on the tip of your tongue being forced down with the saliva gathering beneath the pink muscle. 

“can you…” the words were shaky as they left you, partially due to the teasing fingers spreading your wetness through your underwear. “c-can you touch me…please?”

rafe never made you ask him for anything. he always knew what you wanted, and he was more than willing to give it to you. you were a shy person and that timidity didn’t suddenly disappear when you two started being intimate with each other. it was hard for you to open up to him in that way, and he always made sure that you felt comfortable with him.

if he asked what you wanted, it was normally just teasing. he never really expected an answer and your mousy whimpers were enough for him to keep going. this was not something you were prepared for.

the blonde tilted his head to the side, feigning confusion. the way his digits were pressing into your entrance over the material made your lips part to allow a puff of air to escape.

“touch you?” he said. briefly his eyes flicker down to the hand between your legs being hidden by the fabric of your skirt before returning to meet your eyes. “am i not touching you?”

“but–i…” he was touching you, so you couldn’t argue against that, but he knew that wasn’t what you meant. “you are but th-that’s not...i mean really touch me.” 

“but i am ‘really’ touching you?” you pouted at him, eyes straining as you tried your hardest to prevent them from rolling. “you want more?”

rafe made no moves to oblige to your request when you started nodding your head frantically. instead he squinted at you, blue eyes burning against your skin fueled by his irritation.

“y’know, you’re being kinda…ungrateful, don’t ya’ think?” his tongue sneaks out to moisten his pursed lips. “i’m being so nice and you aren’t even thanking me?”

the hand not occupying the space between your legs travels to take place on your face, his strong fingers pushing in on your cheeks to squish them together roughly. you could feel the pads of the digits digging into the hardness of your teeth and it made you wince from the pain.

his fingers hook beneath the fabric of your panties and move them to the side. the cool air blowing against your newly bare skin was barely noticeable when all of your focus was on your boyfriend sliding through your slick folds. rafe’s face remained stoic even when you released a borderline pornographic moan from the sudden skin to skin contact, his grip on your face preventing you from hiding the sounds of pleasure.

he’d barely touched you and you were practically leaking; it was embarrassing. it’d been forever since you felt relief and he could tell, especially when the sticky mess was all over his fingers. you wanted so badly for them to sink inside and graze against your sensitive, gummy walls, but they never went any deeper than grazing against the entrance.

“i know what m’girl wants, what she needs–” rafe’s voice is soft but he looks the very opposite. the one-eighty almost gave you whiplash; he was being so sweet just a few minutes ago and now he looks just as agitated as he did on the ride home. “i know what you want, baby, i promise…”

you have to force yourself to not chase after his retreating hand with your hips. the loss of contact brings your mind out of its fuzzy, dazed state, bare pussy exposed to the blasting air-conditioning.

his thick digits are glistening in the light and covered in your arousal, strings of the sticky substance connecting his fingers together as he examines them in front of your face. with the hand on your face he forces your mouth to open wider, the flavor of your excitement coated the pinkness of your tongue. the sudden intrusion makes your mouth water reflexively and a sound of protest makes its way out.

“but what you need, is to learn how to be fucking grateful for what i give you.” rafe drags his fingers in and out of the moist coven of your mouth, making sure to thoroughly cover your tongue in the slick that was collected on his fingers.  “you should be grateful that i even touched you at all instead of shoving my cock in that nasty fucking mouth.” 

you almost gasped at the vulgar language but it was interrupted by his fingers shoving themselves deep into your throat. he was unmoved by your gagging, his face getting so close to yours that your noses touched. you could feel stray tears starting to run down your face and leave wet trails in their wake. 

watching as he gathers a pool of saliva in his cheeks, you could do nothing to stop him from allowing it to fall into yours. you feel it land in the back of your throat where his fingers were and flinch. the taste of him joins your pre-release in being fucked down your clenching throat by his fingers, your incessant coughing and gagging no deterrent to him. 

in fact, he finds some joy in it. he chuckles at the sound of your struggling, eyes focused on the wet mess created by your mouth.

“but you don’t even deserve that…my dick is too good for you. filthy ass mouth needs to be cleaned before i’d ever give it to you. ” his blonde locks fall in his eyes as he shakes his head in disapproval. “you know what–get the fuck up.”

pulling his fingers out of your mouth completely and releasing your face, he snatches you up to your feet. he drags you to his bathroom, one of his hands flicking on the lights while the other digs into the flesh of your bicep. 

you watch as he opens the medicine cabinet above the sink and slams it back shut, a white box visible in his hand from the mirror. he releases you for a moment to rip the packing open and reveal a brand new bar of soap. a state of paralysis overtook you from where you stood, eyes following him silently as he cut on the faucet. his gaze is fixated on you through the reflection of the mirror as he allows the bar of soap to foam up underneath the water.

rafe pulls you close, not giving you any chance to escape as he traps you against the bathroom counter with his back against your chest.

“open your mouth.” he says sternly. when you don’t follow instructions, his free hand reaches up to force your jaw open. “i said open your mouth!”

the bitter taste of dial disturbs you, the oval shaped bar scraping against your teeth as it’s shoved into your mouth. a muffled sound of rejection is silenced by the soap occupying all of your senses. you watch in the mirror as rafe holds both you and the foamy bar in place. 

“‘i just wasn’t thinking, rafey, i’m sorry.’” the mocking words were a repeat of what you said earlier. “yeah, you are sorry–but i bet you’ll start thinking now.” 

it felt like an eternity that he held the bar between your lips. when he finally pulled it away, you immediately leaned forward to spit out the substance. rafe was quicker than you, though, his large hand smacking against your lips to prevent you from ridding your mouth of the residue. your hand flew up to his wrist in an attempt to remove it but he doesn’t budge, his palm firm in its placement.

“no, you’re gonna keep it in that dirty fuckin’ mouth.” his voice was harsh in your ear, more annoyed than empathetic towards your desperate squirming. “you think some tears are gonna save your ass? not this time, baby…bet you’ll remember to watch how you talk to me, huh?”

nodding frantically, you plead with your eyes in the reflective glass before you. it was getting hard not to swallow the saliva pooling in your mouth and you weren’t sure how much longer you could handle the harsh taste of filmy, anti-bacterial suds. 

you filled your mouth with handfuls of water as soon as he released you. no matter how many times you brought the liquid to your lips to rinse the residue away, it was all you could taste. rafe remained stiff at your back, the heat of his body radiating against yours as he observed you judgmentally.

“remember how that shit tasted before you ever talk to me like that again, alright?” rafe all but spits the words out at your hunched frame over the faucet. “next time…i won’t be so nice.”

you glance up into the mirror and follow his back as he exits the bathroom. straightening up to your full height you’re met with the disheveled state of your reflection, dry tear stains over your cheeks and chapped lips left behind to show for the mercilessness of your boyfriend. the counter beneath fell victim to the crushing pressure of your fingers as your knuckles strained from the tightness of your grip.

sniffling, your tongue lolled over your chapped lips to moisten them before retreating back to its place. your throat bobbed as you forced the saliva down your throat, the sound of your gulping audible in the silent bathroom. you could hear rafe was shuffling around the bedroom a few feet away, footsteps traveling back and forth as he went through the shopping bags to presumably separate his stuff from yours.

rafe hadn’t done something like that in…in forever. 

the last–and only–time it happened was because you called him out of his name. you could suddenly remember the taste of lavender scented hand soap being scrubbed across your tongue by his angry fingers as he cleaned the words out of your mouth. the way your stomach turned when you would accidentally swallow the liquid every time he pushed too far down your throat. how he treated you like a petulant, misbehaving child deserving of corporal fucking punishment like it was the 1950’s.

you’d nearly forgotten that even took place–maybe because your brain decided it was a memory that had to be blocked out in order for you to stay with rafe after it occurred. you wish it had remained at the forefront of your mind so you wouldn't end up in the position again.

splashing water onto your tearstained face, you wipe away the mess before warily joining rafe in the bedroom on the other side of the doorframe. the end of the mattress was occupied by his body, the back of his head being the first thing you see. 

“come here.” his voice was softer than it was earlier but it still startled you, heart beating through your chest as he beckoned you towards him.

you were suddenly reminded of the wetness between your thighs as you approached him. the way your folds slid against each other beneath your ruined underwear as you took hesitant steps in his direction. it made you feel dirty–even after being gagged with a bar of soap.

pulling you between his legs, rafe rests his arms around your waist as you stand before him. he stares up at you apologetically, almost, eyes soft and bright as he toys with the hem of your sweater. your arms hung awkwardly by your sides, stiff and unsure of where to go.

“you know i just want you to do better right?” he asks. “i’m going to marry you one day, y/n, and my wife can’t talk to me like that…especially not in public. you understand why i had to do that right?”

you say nothing. it feels as if you’re on autopilot the way your head nods, the movement almost a reflex you’d learned just to appease him.

“i can’t keep letting it slide anymore, baby. you’ll just keep doing it and i can’t let everyone think i’m–i’m a pushover…’cause i’m not. i don’t want people thinking i can’t handle my girl–you get that, right?” he nodded his head and you followed his movements, still on autopilot. “you help me be better too, y’know…i just wanna do the same for you, okay?

“okay.” the single word came out so softly you weren’t sure if he heard it. your hands came together to pick at your nails, the slightly grown-out french tips falling victim to the nervous habit.

rafe unwrapped his arms from around your waist and pulled your hands apart as he took them into his own. the warmth of his palms thawed out your freezing fingers, blood rushing back into the tips. his lips ghosted over your knuckles as he blew hot air over them and rubbed the coldness out of them. your body had focused on keeping your organs warm over your extremities, poor blood-circulation a symptom of the persistent anemia you just couldn’t seem to get rid of.

“i love you so much that…th-that i don’t even know how….” he stumbles over his words. his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, collecting his thoughts before speaking again.  “i do what i do because i love you, not because i wanna hurt you. i’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose, so don’t ever think that…okay? do you understand?”

you believed him, even though it was the last thing you wanted to do.

truly, you believed he didn’t do anything to hurt you. you knew that he never really had any bad intentions with his actions. rafe was irrational, short tempered, and had never seen what a healthy romantic relationship looked like in his life.

even with all of his flaws, has never hurt you just for the fun of it. he was mean sometimes, sure, but he was like that with everyone. actually hurting you has never been on his agenda, which is probably why you allowed yourself to stick around so long before. however, most of the things he did were reactionary to losing control. it was one of the few things he lacked in his life and he hated when the little he had was taken away from him. 

you were, quite frankly, the only stable thing he had.

if anything were to threaten that stability he would lose his mind. he would do whatever it takes to eliminate that threat; even you. he couldn’t lose you, not when you were all he had. his dad treated him like a disgrace, sarah barely liked him, and sure he had friends–but if he didn’t have money or status, would they stay with him?

you’d seen rafe at his absolute worst, but you never left. when he barely treated you like a human you stuck around because you saw something in him that no one else did. he knew that even if he left, you’d still take him in with open arms and love every part of him. you understood him in a way nobody else could, and he so desperately needed that.

violence and wealth is what his father uses to maintain control over him and everyone else, so that’s all rafe knows how to do. that’s what he was taught, and it’s hard to unlearn when it works so well. 

you’ve seen the things he has done to other people that have crossed him, and though he loved you to the ends of the earth, he would have no problem doing the same thing to you. he made good on his threats to the people that have done him wrong. you knew this first hand because it was you that washed the blood of his hands and bandaged his knuckles. you’d seen the dents in his golf clubs and the scratches in the paint of his car that looked an awful lot like fingernails. you never question it because getting involved in the world of drug dealing rich kids isn’t something on your list of priorities, but you were well aware of what he did to people.

he knew scaring you would keep you around, so that’s what he does. keeps you in a constant state of fear. even if it meant giving you a mouthful of soap.

“i understand.” you dropped your chin lower to look him directly in the eye. his long lashes brushed over the tops of his cheeks as his eyes fluttered open and shut. “i know you’d never hurt me on purpose, so don’t worry about that. i love you…and i’m sorry.”

rafe sighed heavily–out of relief or exhaustion? you weren’t sure. 

opening up your hand to reveal your palm, you watched as he brought it close to his face to place gentle kisses over the skin. you felt him press his lips against each section of your hand from the bottom to the top, no area left untouched. turning it over, he repeats his previous actions. each knuckle on your right hand is left tingling by the pink, pillowy flesh.

“you’re so perfect for me…my perfect girl.” he whispers loud enough for you to hear, eyes opening up to stare back into your watchful gaze above him. “you’re gonna be my perfect wife, too; i know it. gonna put a ring on this finger right here–”

taking a hold of your forefinger, he places a kiss there in the same manner he did your other fingers. he keeps his lips there longer; the intimate action makes your stomach do a flip and your heart swell. you’d felt so many emotions today that you wanted nothing more than to turn your brain off–but he made it so impossible.

“and make you mine forever.” rafe finishes the sentence after pulling away. he laces his fingers into yours and pulls you in with his freehand on your lower back. “everyone’s gonna be so jealous because they can never have you–could never be you.”

even though it killed you to admit it; you wanted it just as much as he did. well, probably not as much–but you’d be lying to yourself if you said you couldn’t see yourself with him forever. the idea of him putting a ring on your finger put a smile on your face even when you tried your hardest to suppress it.

fear wasn’t the only thing keeping you around.

[dreaming-hibi]

Everyone seems to forget that Tsuna is affected not by one but by TWO "bad" parents. In this essay I will bring down both Iemitsu and Nana.

Iemitsu is considered a bad parent because Tsuna himself says so, and we gotta trust what the victim says. If Tsuna claims his father is a deadbeat father, than that's what his father is. Iemitsu might be a respected chief, an understanding mentor and a loving husband, there is no denying he fulfills those roles wonderfully well however, he falls short on his role as a father and that's the role Tsuna most needs out of him. Tsuna doesn't need his father to be a respected chief or an understanding mentor or a loving husband, he needs his father to be a father first and foremost. Instead, Iemitsu tells Nana to claim he was dead/missing. And she did (and I'll be coming back to this later). Now, not only did Tsuna have to live with the fact that his father up and left the house, he had to live with the fact that his father was also, very likely, dead.

Iemitsu-father was dead to Tsuna for two years, the boy had definitely come to terms with it by the start of the series. Except, Iemitsu wasn't dead at all. While it's treated as a comedy skit in the manga, the absolute rollercoaster of emotion Tsuna must have felt at that moment is unimaginable. "I lived with my mom and dad but then my dad started leaving for work until one day he stopped coming home, and then my mom told he was missing but he actually wasn't... oh, and he involved me in some dangerous mafia business", try explaining that to a therapist.

Offenses committed by Iemitsu:

Leave his son without an explanation while his son was at a vulnerable age (Tsuna was at least old enough to remember his dad leaving the house)

Telling his wife to write him off as dead/missing because "It's more romantic that way" (I haven't seen the episode in years but I just checked and that's exactly what he said, wtf)

Appearing in his son's life after being "dead" for years without a reasonable explanation (and no, claiming that he was doing that to protect his family is not an explanation, that's an excuse)

Appearing in his son's life only after he got said son involved in the mafia business

Disappearing as soon as everything is over and not being heard of again until he wants to

Acting like a father when he killed that role himself

I can understand the first offense, after all, Tsuna was a small boy when Iemitsu left. "You were a child, there was no need for you to know" is something adults repeatedly say when they refuse to elaborate on why they kept a child in the dark; and that's something I understand, I don't condone it but I do understand it. But Tsuna was clearly at an age where he could remember his dad leaving, he was at an age where he was emotionally grown-up enough to see his father leaving the house as being the same as being abandoned.

ツナ 「オレと母さんを残して ずっと家を空けてたあんな奴に・・・」

Tsuna uses the word 残す (nokosu) which means "to leave (behind)", which often carries a sense of forgetfulness, as though the act of leaving something behind was done because the person forgot about. "He left behind my mom and me" = "He forgot about us and left". And then he goes on to say "That guy (derogative) was always away from home", which further drives the point that Tsuna has some strong resentment towards his father for leaving without being heard of.

The second offense is, in my humble opinion, bullshit. The japanese use this particular word 「ロマン」 (roman) which is many times translated as "romantic", but which is used to describe a feeling of "pursuing impossible dreams or ideals which deeply define a character". This particular word is mostly used by japanese men to describe a feeling of longing for impossible dreams and ideals that women just cannot understand.

.

.

See what I mean?

Nana (I'm coming for you so sit tight) is so japanese in her essence that she's a woman who is attracted by the idea of a man chasing his impossible dreams (a man who is living the roman), and Iemitsu feeds on that by telling her to write him off as gone and "as becoming one with the stars", because that's more romantic than telling your kid his dad will be doing construction work. A husband and a wife who very obviously love each other and who both think living by their ideals is a much higher priority than their responsibility towards the child they brought into the world. The third offense shows how different Iemitsu and Tsuna are. Iemitsu claims he was keeping his family in the dark because that was how he protected them (through ignorance), and that's bullshit and Tsuna shows us exactly why, like a 100 or so chapters later. During the Future Arc, Tsuna was made to choice between telling his friends the whole truth or keeping them in the dark for their own safety (like Iemitsu). Tsuna decides to say the truth, because he knows what it means and what it feels like to be kept in the dark, especially regarding something that concerns the person directly. Tsuna made that decision because he had been in a similar position.

The fourth offense is perhaps there to show how incapable of being a father Iemitsu is. Iemitsu reappears in Tsuna's life only after Tsuna becomes involved with the mafia, because that's what Iemitsu is good at: the mafia. Perhaps Iemitsu was more involved in the mafia than he was in a normal family situation, which is why he lacks as a father, because he very simply doesn't know how to be a father. He can train, mentor and support Tsuna in the mafia way because that's what he knows how to do, however, that's not what Tsuna needs nor wants. Tsuna needed a father, but that father wrote himself off (so Tsuna unknowingly got another father and this one refuses to leave him alone) and Tsuna had to come to terms with the fact that he didn't have a father to depend on. And that's where the conflict between Tsuna and Iemitsu comes from: Iemitsu trying to act like a dad to the son he had educated to think of him as dead.

To Tsuna the situation must be something like this: his dad gave him up for adoption and now keeps coming back, trying to act like a dad because now the two of them shared the same hobby.

Sorry, Iemitsu, Tsuna found himself a better dad! Although you succeeded in ruining the dad-role for him, so now he's left with some complicated feelings towards Reborn, whom he sees as a figure he can depend on but whom he cannot call "dad" in fear it might end up like it did with you.

His fifth offense ties in with his fourth. Iemitsu only appears when there is something about the mafia going on and then disappears as soon as the situation is no longer related to the mafia. He only tries to act like a father to Tsuna when the mafia is involved, and that is absolute bullshit because that boy needs a father even outside of the mafia.

And finally his last and most important offense: how Iemitsu killed the image of a father in Tsuna's head.

At hearing the news that his father will be back home, after 2 years, Tsuna's shocked reaction is treated more as a joke than a legitimate emotion someone might have towards the sudden undeadness of a father. Nana, his own mother, even goes as far as belittling him and his intelligence when she says (more explicitly in the anime): "Aww Tsuna, you actually believed that story about his disappearance?" and then "How do you think we pay for your school expenses and food, if he were really gone?"

Iemitsu intentionally killed the existence known as "dad" in Tsuna's head, and Nana helped. Tsuna started the series convinced he no longer had a dad, which is why he ended up depending on Reborn, because Reborn was the first authoritative figure that called him a loser to his face while also believing Tsuna was much more than that. Reborn appeared exactly as the kind of figure Tsuna didn't know he needed in his life.

Though both Reborn and Iemitsu are there because of the mafia, Reborn stays for more than just the mafia, and Tsuna can see that. Iemitsu only interacts with Tsuna when the mafia is involved, while Reborn is there for him regardless of whether or not the mafia is involved. Reborn was sent there to make Tsuna the next boss, yet all Reborn did was make this loser of a kid get some confidence in himself and make some friends. Between a tutor whose intentions he knows (he's there to make him boss but somehow he's also trying to make him into a better person) and a dad whose intentions he doesn't know (he tries to teach him this mafia thing he really doesn't want to be involved in), Tsuna's heart chose the one figure he didn't know he always wanted in his life.

Nice going, Tsuna!

I bring this conversation between Tsuna and Iemitsu, which I think further shows the conflict between them.

ツナ 「帰ってこなかったあんたが オレの何が知っている!!」

家光 「お前は愛する母さんとの間に生まれた 俺の息子だ」

Tsuna: "What could you possibly understand about me?! If you're never home!" Iemitsu: "You are my son, born between me and the woman I love."

In what is a typical parent cliche, Iemitsu claims he knows Tsuna solely based on the fact that Tsuna is his son. This is a psychological trap which many parents seem to fall for: a belief that they will always know their children best because it is their children (and that their children might not know themselves because they are still children). Iemitsu fails to acknowledge that Tsuna is his own person and that he might not want to live by his ideals. As to why parents do this? Well, ego, most likely. A parent thinks themselves a god because they created a child, and refuse to acknowledge the fact that their child is just another person they will have to learn to know.

Now, Sawada Nana. The amount of information on this woman is so little that she might as well be of little influence to the plot, expect she's not!

Let's start from the beginning. Nana is described as being kind, but her kindness seems to only go so far, as she will and does ignore things she does not want to deal with. Reborn kicks her son in front of her? She leaves them alone. Her son keeps coming home with mysterious injuries? She ignores it.

Again, all of these are treated as comedy, and Nana is just like any other anime/manga mother. She appears as a 1-dimensional character with no other role than to be there for every other character that isn't her son.

Nana, like Iemitsu, does the bare minimum for Tsuna as a mother. She does provide him with meals and a roof, however she completely neglects the emotional support the boy very obviously needs. There are instances in which she even belittles his feelings (such as when Tsuna was freaking out over his father's appearance and she proceeded to laugh and point out his naiveness at believing her lie).

What kind of freaking mother makes fun of their son for believing something they said?

Certainly not a good one!

And lastly, it was Nana who allowed and helped Iemitsu in being a bad father. Tsuna holds his mother in high respect because he believes Iemitsu abandoned her too, and that is why it is easier for him to forgive her and not his father. However, it was through Nana's emotional neglect that Iemitsu ended up ruining the image of a father in Tsuna's head — her passiveness is what allowed Tsuna to grow into the weak-willed character we meet in the beginning of the series.

In conclusion, both Iemitsu and Nana are to blame for Tsuna's loser behavior. So, if we're gonna talk about how bad of a father Iemitsu is, we should acknowledge the fact that Tsuna has a mother who allowed all of that to happen.

You're welcome to step up and shoot me, I'm open to constructive criticism!

[menacinmasochist]

One of the boys finding out Yui got pregnant by another one of them and beating her up until she miscarries 💖

// I honestly wasn’t too sure about taking this request, super trigger warning⚠️

Yui POV:

I had learned the hard way that these brothers would always have their way with me. In all ways possible. Feelings like love, and care were not in their chemical composition. They all were cruel, sadistic beings that only desired to fulfill their own satisfaction. I foolishly believed that when one of them craved me sexually it was because they liked me..but that was far from the reality of it. I have been living with the Sakamaki Brothers for a few months now.

Ayato took my first kiss and my virginity the second week of living with them, he was determined to be my first everything but since he has not officially claimed me as his, I was passed around to all the brothers. Kanato had no issue forcing himself within me anytime he desired, as well as Laito. Laito however, enjoyed to humiliate me..he would do such tortuous sexual acts on me, programming me to crave such perverse ways of stimilation. Reiji was not tender at all, much like Laito he was rather crude towards me, often spanking and enjoying me sob for him to stop. I believed that Shu and Subaru were different, they avoided me as much as they could..until they couldn't anymore. Shu would want to do it anywhere but the comfort of a bed, somehow he would manage to make me do all the work and pleasure him, he loved oral sex the most. Subaru was the last to defile me, it was fitting since he was the youngest as well. He lost control of himself, his anger taking over leading to such rough and arduous sex. I thought he would possibly be the most gentle given that I have seen his precious moments, but when it came to primal urges he, just like the rest of his brothers, was a beast.

"So who got you knocked up?" the question made me snap back to reality. I was sitting in the living room, surrounded by all the brothers. "Well it was not me, I am always cautious." Reiji stated simply. "Couldn't have been me, I always pull out. Who the fuck knocked you up??" Ayato commented then questioned, he was irritated. I never wanted to be in a situation like this. Reiji would use condoms. Ayato, Laito and Kanato would pull out of me. Subaru has never actually finished with me. Shu was very lazy, he never wore condoms and he wouldn't care enough to pull out of me, I looked right at Shu. " It's Shu's.." I almost whisper.

"How unfortunate for you and your unborn child." Reiji remarked, chuckling at the end.

"Some serious bad luck on that accord Little Bitch, Shu doesn't care about anything at all~" Laito practically sang to me.

"Who's to say it's actually Shu's?!" Kanato yelled out.

“Who else would be that careless” Subaru commented, there were so many intense stares

I noticed that as soon as I said it was Shu’s. Ayato became very quiet. It was rather alarming and eerie, I couldn’t even see the faces he was making. What was worse was that Shu didn’t even say anything. “Having a hybrid child indicates a more rapid growth, instead of 9 months it will most likely take 3-6 months for the child to be fully developed.” Reiji stated. Causing me to hold my stomach. I had only found out today, I have no idea how far along I am. “Have this bastard child, it will be taken care of..not by me necessarily but our family and you will do what you must do..” Shu finally spoke up. “I expected as much. You really want this deadbeat to be the father of your child?” Reiji asked me with genuine concern. “Oh why keep it?” Laito commented.

“What do you mean…” I asked him. Causing him to smirk sadistically.

“We can get rid of it, besides if our precious little bitch is pregnant that means we can’t drink her blood for however long she’s due” he stated. I didn’t say anything, I was honestly so upset at him even suggesting that. It’s a life, I can’t do that.

“No, I want this child.” Shu stood up, “all of you better fuck off in the meanwhile, this meeting is over” He finished and left. I began to follow after him. He turns around and grabs my wrist. “This doesn’t mean youre mine or whatever, I don’t care for you be good and stay out the way” he tells me then brushes me away from him. I felt so alone, I hate this feeling.

I retrieve back to my room, laying down in the bed I hold my pillow to my stomach, please god, please help me. I whisper to myself.

“I don’t want you to have his kid..” a voice whispered to me causing me to turn around. Ayato was sitting on my bed, staring at me a shadow over his face. “Is this what you want?” He asked me. I couldn’t answer him.

“Fuck this kid and fuck you, I don’t give a fuck you’re mine and I’ll be damned before I let that lazy sack of shit win you over.” He proclaimed to me, was this Ayato’s version of confessing? I don’t know, he wasted no time to pull me into a deep kiss, one with much passion not like his other kisses, I felt like I was going to melt. Things began to get hot and heavy. One thing led to the next and he put his whole tongue inside of my part, devouring me so tenderly and loving I wanted Ayato to be the father of this child so badly, I wanted him to love me so badly. Something came over him and he stopped eating me out, his hands wrapped around my throat, tightly.

“No…don’t!!” I yelped out, causing him to squeeze harder, I used all my might to kick him off me, he backed away giving me a chance to run out of the room, and I ran like hell. Dashing throughout the hallway, he chased me down. The next thing I knew I was pushed down a flight of stairs, Ayato followed me down and kicked me repeatedly in the stomach.

“There! That’s a clean slate, now let me impregnate you.” He said, smiling like a mad man, I was in so much pain and I couldn’t even fight him. It was futile. I gave into the despair and let him have his way with me…this is what I get for wanting him to be the father.

[tetsunabouquet]

Attack On Titan: Babydaddy Headcanons

A/N: This is just me thinking about how many they'd have, the gender and how they would raise them, etc.

Levi

-This man is a girl dad in the sense he only had one child and its a daughter. -It was a conscious decision. Whilst he loves you and would never deny you the joy of a child if you wanted to be a mom, he's also a man that lives a life of danger. Even if he's humanity's soldier, he has enough emotional awareness to know there are times where you or your daughter will worry and he wants to keep the number of people worried about him as low as possible. -He's not overprotective because she's an Ackerman but if someone even thinks of laying a hand on his daughter he'd chop their fingers off before they even reach her scalp. -As soon as she's old enough to fight, Levi will train her just like Kenny taught him because he knows the world is that cruel. However, any titan she interacts with until she's actually old enough to be a soldier will be none except for Hange's test subjects so she can see the danger she might choose with her own eyes to make an informed decision. -A secret reason he also shows her Hange's test subjects is that he wants to provide her with an example how not to interact with titans in Hange.

Eren

-Was a girl dad until his final kid popped out as a boy. -Armin pointed out the funny coincidence of his family unit being inverse to his own childhood; considering Grisha used to be a boy dad until adopting Mikasa. -Low-key looked good whenever his daughters would do his hair. Sometimes you wonder if looking like Carla is why Eren looks good with the sloppy feminine hairstyles. -He doesn't loves his son any less though. If anything, the way his daughters act towards him reminds him of how Mikasa used to treat him so whenever his son feels smothered, he understands his son and has his back. -In this scenario, his titan form obviously doesn't come with the 13 year curse limitations so he's somewhat worse as Levi when it comes to harming his kids. Because Eren would just squash them like bugs in his titan form.

Zeke

-Only becomes a father because he got drunk with you, who he already felt conflicted about loving. So like Levi, he makes the conscious decision to keep it at that one kid. -I do think Zeke would have a boy though. -He would play baseball with his son every day and try to be the father Ksaver was to him. -Zeke's plans to euthanize the Subjects of Ymir morphs into a plan to mutate all Subjects of Ymir into the same condition as the Ackerman clan and destroy the titan ability itself which would leave him as the final inheritor of the Beast Titan (speaking of which I might someday make a post with all the alternatives to the Rumbling that Isayama couldn't think of when he wrote himself into a corner) -Because of his negative experience with education and indoctrination, Zeke actually is an advocate for unschooling to a certain extent. He will teach his kid to read, write and basics but he's not fond of certain subjects like history because its in their world just filled with propoganda that Zeke is tired of.

Reiner

-Was very insecure about becoming a dad considering his own was happily a deadbeat but once he started having kids he couldn't stop at one so he had 4 kids. -Has two boys and two girls. -Because he was raised by a single mom, he works extra hard to be a good husband and father not just for the sake of the kids or his love for them. No, its also out of his devotion to you and not wanting you to know the hardships his mother faced in the slightest. -The sort of father who proudly displays the artwork of his children around his Vice Chief office at the Marleyan governmental building. -Teaches his sons to be better men and not make the mistakes he did as he teaches his daughters not to allow men to use them for their bodies in the way his mother was used and discarded. The way he goes about their gender roles and preparing them for life can be quite feminist for the time period AOT is set in but due to his upbringing and knowing so many powerful women, it shaped him quite a bit.

Armin

-A boy and a girl -Armin really wanted a mini you so when your first was a boy, he tried again and got what he wanted. -Not that he doesn't loves his son though, and thinks he's way cuter then he ever was as a child, which he reasons is your genetic makeup's doing. -Touch his children and he will find a way to poison you. He's way more clever and sneaky when it comes to taking revenge compared to Levi and Eren. -Similar to Reiner, he eats up anything his kids make and finds the most horrible drawings of a cat to be the best amazing artwork ever.

Erwin

-Just like Levi, being part of the scouts made him restrict himself to one child. -However, unlike Levi, he has a harder time as your child tempts him into wanting more of them as he loves seeing the union of yours and his features. -It's a boy -Hange often teases you and Erwin that he and Historia's daughter might become an item as they grew up together as babes of the Scouts regiment. -Has a habit of dropping asleep right next to his son after he's come home after a long day of titan slaying and reports about it.

[fangsforiris]

How would the sakamaki brothers react if they find out that they were the sons of the same mother and that they're biologically brothers but karlheinz killed their real mother and separated them . (Btw i reaaally love your blog 💕💕)

Sakamaki Brothers’ Reaction to Being Blood Siblings Related by 1 Mother

——————————

Shū:

“We are blood related…? Seriously…? And here I thought I only had to deal with Reiji. …It seems as if that man will never rest. …That poor woman…”

• Shū wouldn’t be as shocked as compared to the others. He’s been used to Karlheinz’s plans for years longer than the others.

• However, he’d be more tired if anything. Like always, he can never be rid himself of his father and his constant need for his plans to succeed.

• I doubt his relationships with the brothers will change, since beyond this revelation, they are all still the same people. Within the same environment which conditions them to act within a hostile manner.

Reiji:

“Father… he… No. I refuse to believe such a sentiment. I already loathe being related to that deadbeat enough, but this? …What will become of us now?”

• He’d be the most in denial. As in, it would take Reiji the longest to accept that this was even a possibility in the cards.

• Reiji is known to idolize his father, so for this to occur? I think it would heavily confuse his loyalties.

• However, since he does have somewhat of a maternal instinct for his siblings, mainly younger, he’d use this as an opportunity to get closer to them and have more of a ‘close knitted family,’ in the way the Mukami’s do.

Ayato:

“Ehh!? What do you mean we all shared a mother?! That doesn’t even make sense…! We don’t even look alike? Gah… that old man has some explaining to do!”

• Most confused 100%

• Either he skipped a few biology lessons or fell asleep in them, but even he knows that it doesn’t add up as much as it’s supposed to.

• I think he’d use this as a way to perhaps become a bit closer to all of the brothers and in a sense, make amends for the past teasing/borderline bullying he participated in (mainly towards Subaru.)

• Since he is considered to be the most ‘humane’ out of the brothers, it isn’t as far off for him to have empathy and to want to start brand new.

Kanato:

“We… all share a mother? What do you mean? Am I not my mothers son? I don’t understand, Teddy. What are is he saying…? What are you saying!? This does not make any sense…!”

• I think he’d also be in denial, or mainly shocked beyond comprehension.

• It’ll take Kanato a bit to understand, especially since this will deeply impact his pre-established identity issues.

• He was heavily narcissistic about his hair due to it being almost exact to the late Cordelia’s, so for him to not have that connection, one that he founded his entire self-esteem on, it would be detrimental.

Laito:

“So it seems we were fooled, weren’t we? Fufu~ That man certainly knows how to cause a commotion. …That woman then is no mother to me…”

• Out of everyone, I think Laito would want to do further research into this woman and who she was.

• Due to his complicated relationship with his mother, and his pre-established self-loathing, I think this will make him wonder if in another life, he’d be able to have a healthy correlation with mother figures and sexual activity as a whole.

• Laito already does somewhat act as an ‘older brother’ towards Ayato, Kanato, and Subaru, but perhaps this would allow him to get away with more in the scope of caring and involvement.

Subaru:

“He… killed her…? That damned old man! He’s selfish to the core, not one ounce of feeling to be found in him…! That’s all we are… just pawns…”

• Subaru already hated his father due to what he did to his mother and himself. So to find out that he shared an actual blood bond with his brothers, and not just a half-bond would be almost incomprehensible to him.

• He’s always wondered what it’d be like to share a fully-blooded sibling, so to find out it was always here… is bittersweet. Especially since the pre-established relationships between him and the rest of them are sour, and based on tearing down his self-esteem.

• He’d feel the most bad for the woman, and whatever alternate universe could’ve arised from him having a good parent that didn’t project all of their emotional turmoil onto him.

[thekingofwinterblog]

The Problem With Yasopp

So like many people I was genuinely surprised by Netflix One Piece, adaption, which turned out the exact opposite of pretty much every single travesty that america has made when adapting Manga and Anime.

It certainly was not without flaws, for one thing it needed to be at least 3-5 episodes longer in order to fix it's pacing issues if it wanted to get all of East Blue into one season, and the fight scenes while very well choreographed, didn't exactly sell me on the superhuman strength of most of these characters.

However, there was one thing that genuinely pissed me off, in large part because the american adapters changed something they didn't like, in order to fit "western sensibilites" and in doing so, completely missing the point, and frankly tragedy of the original context.

That of course, is the character of Usopp's relationship with his parents Yasopp and Banchina, and the rather sad tale of plans going completely arry due to twists of fate.

In the west, the character of Yasopp has been a rather contentious one, for several reasons, but also one that has been a bit altered by the changes from Japanese to English.

Yasopp is critiqued heavily by people who don't like him for abandoning his kid, and his wife to seek adventure on the high seas. Now this is not untrue, but there is a bit of context here that's a bit lost in translation.

And you can really tell that, because the way Netflix portrays Yasopp leaving is the surface level one you might get if you just read Syrup Village arc, and you don't pay any attention at all to the timeline given.

In the neflix series, it's explicitly said that Yasopp left Usopp and his mother while Usopp was still a baby. That is such a common reading, that it's actually what the One Piece Wiki claims happened(Another example of why you should always be critical of Wiki's).

The actual Manga tells a different story.

Yasopp left Syrup village right before Banchina unexpedetly got sick with the disease that ultimatly killed her.

When Usopp is so touchy against Kuro about him badmouting his father, it's not in the context of him idolizing some father he never met, because Usopp and Yasopp knew and loved each other dearly. Usopp's wish to see his dad again isn't some wish to meet the father he only knows through stories, but to reconnect with the dad he loved so much growing up and was sad when he left.

And then of course there is the glory of mistraslation. If you've read this part of the manga, you might rightly be wondering, what sort of woman would be proud of the man who abandoned her to take care of their kid while he sought adventure.

The answer, which the english translation does not give, is a woman who was the one to convince him to go out on that journey in the first place.

Because that is what happened in the orignal manga. It was Banchina, for reasons we don't fully understand or have the context for, eho convinced her husband to go out and seek his dreams.

That's the reason why she is so certain Yasopp will NOT be coming home, but why she is also not bitter about it. She was the one who encouraged Yasopp to go out to sea, while she stayed home and took care of their kid, until he grew old enough to care for himself, and seek the seas himself if he wished.

The story of Yasopp, Usopp and his wife is a genuine tragedy, but not because Yasopp abandoned Usopp before he ever got to know him, but because Usopp's parents made plans for the future, that while not perfect by any stretch, seemed workable enough... only for the entire thing to come crumbling down after Yasopp left due to something as mundane as a random disease.

One can certainly make an argument that this was NOT the best course of action for Yasopp and Banchina to take, but it's not the complete deadbeat dad who abandons his baby trope that the Netflix series portrays it as.

Further hammering in that this was a bit more complicated than that, Yasopp seems to have been one of the very first crew members Shanks tried to recruit, having sought him out not long after Roger died... And Yasopp seems to have flat out rejected him, as he stayed with Banchina for years and years afterwards.

It adds a lot of context to the idea that Banchina was the one who ultimately convinced Yasopp to go out and chase his dreams while she took care of the kid... Because it took years and years for it to ultimately conclude at this course of action. Yasopp would continue to reject Shanks offer to join him for years to instead to take care of his wife and kid, until about a year before Shanks met Luffy, when his wife told him to go.

It's a hell of a lot more nuanced and interesting than what Netflix did, that's for damn sure.

[hawkinasock]

Hihi! I’m back you should not have pointed me back to the ask box if I had more questions I fear I’ll never shut up

Okay onto the question. So, if I understood correctly, you mentioned that Yanqing’s death was ruled an accident(?) on fault of the emanator due to supposed Mara, but like what was the general consensus of the emanator’s claims? Like did the Xianzhou just like not believe it at all? Was it a mixed reaction? Did they just go with it? Accusing someone of even being associated with Abundance is already a heavy accusation on the Xianzhou, and I doubt “he smelled funny” would hold up in court for the Emanator-that-cried-Abomination over here (to be fair, it was right), especially for someone as beloved on the Luofu as Yanqing. Sorry I know I keep dragging this thing poor guy was just trying to do its job it just ate the wrong kid oops

Side question/musing: Random thought but I know its probably more plausable that someone gave him the shirt he’s wearing in the design but I just keep picturing his shirt just somehow surviving the digestion fully intact. Like Yanqing himself eh he’s like there buts he’s missing bits of himself (rip human legs you’ll always be famous) but his shirt doesn’t even have a hole in it Yaoshi might’ve just liked the shirt more than him at that point (deadbeat strikes again) they didn’t want a nice shirt to go to waste LMAO

Okay thank you bye <3

Long time no see, anon!

Don't worry about asking too many questions, I love getting asks, especially about my work. It tells me people are interested enough to want to know more. A lot of the times questions actually help me find and fix plot holes, so I welcome them wholeheartedly.

So, the general consensus among the Xianzhou natives was in Yanqing's defense, although there was some mixed feelings.

On one hand, this is Yanqing. He's absolutely beloved and trusted among the Luofu, so no one would want to believe he's an abomination of all things. Its also an absurd claim, considering the nature of abominations as almost always aggressive and having visual indicators of their allegiance to the Abundance. Yanqing is just... not that.

On the other hand, this is an emanator of Lan, one known for detecting abominations through smell. It's hard to believe they could possibly mistake a Xianzhou native for an abomination.

Most people are of the belief that this was a careless mistake and the emanator was in the wrong, but there's still a lingering doubt. If borisins can disguise themselves as foxians, then who's to say any abomination can't infiltrate the Luofu in the form of a human or vidyadhara too? That's what's going on through people's heads at throughout the story, and this kind of civil unrest and paranoia is exactly what Phantylia had been hoping for.

You do make a good point with his shirt. Apparently, fabric is actually really hard to digest, so it may not have been completely destroyed, but he wouldn't have regrown with it on, either. The doylist reason, however, is that I just never decided to give him a new shirt.

The watsonian reason is actually pretty simple. It's not the same shirt. It was given to him by Jing Yuan.

That's all for now. Until next time <3

[kerubimcrepin]

LIVEBLOG: Wakfu Season 4, Episode 7

Grandpa piss, being a part of the Remote Viewers Division doesn't prevent you from being a deadbeat. KILL him Eva.

What were YOU doing at the devil's sacrement, King [insert name here] Sheran-Sharm!

I love women who are tortured for an eternity and then die in some way that will not kill them in a way that matters #signaliscore posts

Man haha I wonder if this might be saying something about Yugo (and Joris, but that goes without saying on this blog)

I have seen people criticize this moment, but let me be the devil's advocate: after seeing years of fans saying that Flopin is the boring twin, or that Eva has no backstory, them getting a problem-causing grandpa is literally so good.

And I think I understand why Flopin did this, since he says himself that he actually feels like the boring twin... I understand why he felt like going with this man, to learn about this guild, and where he comes from.

[starts hacking up blood] you know what other duo of demigods in this franchise had a twin who felt like they were living in the shadow of their sibling and his wonderful white fur—- [is shot by animal control]

I loooove comparing all the characters in this show, because it's genuinely a good way to approach Krosmoz, since Tot likes exporing the same themes (immortality/family) over, and over, and over, and over. And what I can say rn is: man, having normal parents makes jealousy-based plots much more tame. Atcham went in a "I want to be great like you, so I need to end you, you don't care about me like I care about you anyway" direction instead of a "I want to be great like you, so I'm gonna leave and work on myself, and then we can stand side by side someday"

I do think he is going to hurt his sister in some major way with this decision and in the end it will be a bitter, or bittersweet memory <3 I believe in the power of toxicity <3

To elaborate on the thing I said about titles, Astra is the ruling queen (to be precise, she is the daughter of the king of Bonta who was mentioned in seasons 1-2 and OVAs, who seems to have passed away); while her wife is either queen-consort, or a princess-consort.

However, Wakfu kingdoms may have worse, weirder rules than real life about inheritance.

The reason I am not getting my panties in a twist about the same-sex aspect of this (besides me supporting toxic royal yuri + being against homophobia or whatever) is that this is a magical universe, idk. they could adopt or get magically pregnant. It's literally a non-issue for me. UNLIKE PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTANDING THE CONSORT SYSTEM AND—-

Joris is present in all the kingdoms as Yugo's emotional support mediator/ambassador, except for Brakmar. I assume they simply do not let this fucking man into their palace, and rightfully so. He's literally a Bontarian narc. He'd use that chance to steal documents or some shit.

Btw I find it so funny how he keeps the same neutrally haunted look.

If a Bonatrian political leader goes for a week without wanting to start genocide against a people who isn't into the main 12 gods, they start getting the shakes from withdrawal.

I imagine living for hundreds of years and experiencing unimaginable suffering would make one pretty averse to being bossed around by some random guy who was born into wealth and has not known a second of grief in their life.

I feel it is important to point out: Joris was the one who made sure the meeting with Astra happened. He also felt this was important enough to try and organize meetings with other kings and queens. This is a dangerous situation.

As always, absolutely nobody listened. Nobody ever listens.

As I was saying, I imagine living for hundreds of years and experiencing un—-

I think the fact that Joris went with them has to say something about him. Yes, it is probably his sense of responsibility — he doesn't exactly want bad things to happen...

But also it explicitly puts a wedge between him and the Bontarian government. He values Yugo more.

[solarenchanting]

𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎ʼ𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐁 𝐍 𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐄

summary: a deadbeat dad whoʼs a sorcerer killer? nah, baby. this is a single dad who works at a hair salon, who loves his kids and never stops !

note: not proofread !! + salon manager!tōji fushiguro + megumi and tsumiki mentions + unprofessional workplace behaviour (tōji just doesnʼt give a fuck) + normal au

❝. . . FUSHIGUROʼS FAB N FIERCE, WHERE YOU LEAVE LOOKING FAB N FIERCE, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?❞

salon manager! tōji fushiguro, who owns a hair salon — fushiguro’s fab n fierce — that’s nestled in a small alleyway with other random shops. definitely the furthest away from the street. it's a small building—because his budget is tight.

salon manager! tōji fushiguro, whose salon has those classic black and white checkered tiles. the front desk is in the right corner: a small table with a worn appointment book, a white plastic chair to sit on, a telephone, drawers, a card paying machine, and a break room that's basically seperated with a flimsy, thin curtain and has a mini fridge and a coffee machine.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, whose salon has three plastic chairs on the left as a waiting room. a step stool is used as a table where there are a bunch of old magazines and folded newspapers for entertainment.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who has a set of stereo speakers on the floor playing old school music throughout the hair salon.

fushiguro’s fab n fierce playlist:

got to be real, cheryl lynn

no scrubs, tlc

he wasnʼt man enough, toni braxton

hit 'em up style (oops), blu cantrell

never too much, luther vandross

i get so lonely, janet jackson

and many more old school hits...

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, whose salon has two washing basins. and only one large hair dryer for a client whose hair has rollers and a hair net.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who does not accept cash. no, baby, card payments only. however, the thing is, the card machine is as old as he is, so a client has to swipe at least ten times before the transaction goes through. he blames the machine, but it’s clearly an operator error.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who is too nonchalant to care about proprietary and professional workplace behaviour. he has his feet kicked up on his desk and crossed at the ankles, leaning back on those white plastic chairs, magazine in his hand, and a toothpick in his mouth.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who runs the salon like a gay manager runs a retail store—like the fucking marines. he makes sure his employees do not slack off. baby, this is his livelihood, he wants to make profit. he’s a single dad with two babies; lil megumi and tsumiki, to care for at home.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who answers the work telephone and starts the conversation with: “this is fushiguro’s fab n fierce, where you leave looking fab n fierce, how can i help you?”

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who doesn't let anyone know that it was his daughter, tsumiki, who came up with the slogan. initially, he found it absolutely corny, but the happiness on her face when she suggested it was enough for him to accept it.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who prefers walk-ins instead of booked appointments because he doesn't have any empty pages left in the worn yearly diary that serves as an appointment book he has—have you seen the price of diaries?—and he doesn’t have to write anything down or remember names. not only that, his appointment book has the wrong year on it.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who sits at his desk, supposedly unbothered, but is actually listening to the gossip from the clients. his face is hidden beneath the magazine or newspaper he’s reading, but he makes faces when he hears certain parts of the gossip.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who eventually reacts to the gossip. frustrated, he closes the newspaper or magazine, and gives an ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ look. or, *tilts his head 90° degrees* “now why would you do that?”

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who is the only one that does tsumiki’s and megumi’s hair at the salon. no one else does their hair, they’re not allowed too. no one touches his childrens’ hair. oh, and he’s not paying his own store. fuck no. his babies get their hair done for free.

salon manager!tōji fushiguro, who does not appreciate his employees clocking in late. do not piss this man off, send a message or something. yes, he owns a flip phone but damn, his number still works and everyone on the job has it.

a/n: LISTEN, LISTEN 🧍🏽‍♀️... i wrote this in my google docs like 3 days ago when i was high off an edible; just giggling and zoning out imagining this. i hope you enjoy these headcanons (as unrealistic as they are)

may whoever stumbles upon this, enjoy it !! <3

much love, from me to you ♡

[hockeyisforthegays]

gotta know how you felt after reading kugisakis epilogue :D

ooooh ok well. im pretty sure the things i have to say are overall more criticism than positivity just to warn you. let me start with some of the positive things which include: kugisaki is looking SOOOO cute. its a great outfit great hairstyle etc. i also like the idea behind her motivation for seeking out her mother, that she's doing it out of respect for gojo's last stated wishes to her, even though she has no personal interest in this herself? that has something intriguing within it. however. it also dovetails into my criticisms bc

one. i wish we learned anything at all about why that would possibly be gojo's last wishes for nobara. we don't get enough in the epilogue to see if there's anything particularly important she could derive from seeing her mom, unless it's the vengeful pleasure of siccing her grandma on her? in which case, i would love to know that. that could be an interesting move for gojo to make, and one that could potentially make sense given his own implied shitty family. however you notice how i have to reach a bit to get there? because we dont even get the text of gojo's letter or anything afaik. as it is, the way it's written leaves me wondering why the hell gojo, who has already experience with a child who Does Not Care Or Want To Know about their deadbeat parent, would decide to provide This for another child who [insert repeated phrase here]

two. kugisaki caring about gojo's last wishes to such a point seems like a really cool character/relationship decision until i think about it for two seconds and go. well. it would have been cooler, more emotionally resonant, if the gojo and kugisaki dynamic had any canonical depth at all. in fact i am trying to think about Any and Every interaction they have in the canonical story and im coming up with 1. when kugisaki is introduced and 2. when she gets eyeballed and he's one of the people she sees in her chair dream sequence and UHHH. I THINK THAT MIGHT BE ALL GANG. obviously you can say implicitly they spent a lot of time together its just not shown, they're relationship would have developed. but uh. that's an entirely different than the time and importance given to something by the narrative which is supposed to. you know. give depth to the things it wants us to care about, so that we actually can develop a genuine investment in them without having to rely on our imaginations/non canon material/etc.

connecting to the third and most obvious critique which is. like gege already set up? characters that kugisaki cared about? saori and fumi? who i hoped we'd see any sort of closure on? instead we introduce in THE LAST CHAPTER the idea of a new character never before mentioned and kugisaki literally goes Well I Don't Care About That. and then we follow her to find out about that character anyway. why? what is Anyone getting out of that narratively? kugisaki doesn't care, not even the audience is given room to develop investment in that storyline. it just happens at the expense of a storyline that was at least given some amount of set up for the audience to invest in.

and im not even touching on the Tropes used to establish the mom herself's character. in a vacuum potentially this archetype could be done in an interesting valid way (could even be taken as a gender inversion of the sleazy deadbeat dad tropes that are generally more common in this genre) but uhhh given gege's track record with female characters. well it twigs some alarm bells lets just say

[artistic-izzy-multifandom]

Izzy's Heavily Improvised Essay on Bambi 2

(to folks who follow me for other stuff, I apologize right ahead of time, just doing my "multifandom" name justice XD)

Okay y’all, bear with me, this was written in the heat of the moment and therefore I might go around in tangents. I’ve been dying to write this essay thingy for months actually, but I kept chickening out when I went to try and just do it. And it was also inspired by Wreckham’s own Bambi post that I saw a while ago, so uh... Yeah.

(also this mainly features my opinions, don't take them as facts >_<)

So, starting things off with this:

It shall be no secret that I’m an avid fan of the Bambi movies (more the second than the first, but we’ll get to that in a bit). 

It’s no surprise that visually speaking, Bambi is a spectacle from beginning to end, on top of having a beautiful soundtrack and a fascinating way of being the closest thing to an animated documentary with its environments.

However, it comes with the price of... Well, lacking a concrete plot. And by that I mean outside of just showcasing Bambi’s life from birth to adulthood. Not to say there’s no value in that, but I reckon it’s not the kind of movie lots of people nowadays would just want to watch multiple times in a row.

(plus considering how much of the novel’s plot they cut out when adapting it to the screens… That’s a can of worms for another day)

Yes, even I, the avid fan, will admit this flaw in the storytelling. And it’s a big reason why I maintain my statement on loving the second movie more than the first.

And oh where do I begin?

Namely how its plot is basically about the time that happened between Bambi’s Mother’s death and the scene with all those cheery singing birds — in other words, the period in which Bambi was raised by his father, the Great Prince of the Forest.

While animation’s changed significantly (given that, y’know, 64 years apart) and also different voice actors were hired for the characters (again, 64 years), I will come here and say that visually the movie did the original justice, and did it in spades!

Plot-wise? On one hand, there’s more dialogue and the humor is a bit more targeted for younger audiences, which in fairness will put off some who are more inclined towards the original.

On the other hand, the movie is also not afraid to explore some darker subjects, some indirectly (like the whole aspect of grief both for Bambi and his father and their respective ways of dealing with it), and some directly (such as the entire Deer Call scene).

And the fact that unlike the first movie, the characters here are more fleshed out, the main highlight of that is none other than the Great Prince himself; in the first movie he... Didn’t have nearly enough screentime or lines to justify his status as protector of the Forest, at best he was a minor character given too much importance, and at worst he was a living prop.

In the second? He’s the second main focus of the story, with a whole character development arc on how to be a father to Bambi despite his belief in tradition (aka the whole “the does care for the young” thing). In fact, I think I should dedicate this part of the essay on his character, shall we? Because years of rewatching the movie made me think a lot of things regarding him (which I don’t see many or even anyone talk enough about):

If we’re gonna think about it, we never really get to know the Great Prince too deeply prior to his mate’s death. Everything we do know about him personality-wise came afterwards, at a time when he had to look after Bambi while also looking after the Forest as a whole.

It’s incredibly easy to label him as a jerk and a deadbeat father when one fails to consider a few things:

1- His mate died, and given the timeframe, the Prince was unable to reach both her and Bambi in time before Man shot her; made worse when you remember that in the first movie he was able to save them both from Man. Literally, at the beginning of the second movie, one of the first expressions we see from him is sadness. Wouldn’t you think he was feeling not just grief, but guilt too?

2- He was left to raise his son alone, at one of the harshest points of wintertime, and only asked Friend Owl to find a doe because the owl offered some help in the first place; recalling the tradition thing, the Prince had no experience with children whatsoever, can you blame him for being baffled at the idea of him raising his son at first?

3- He’s the protector of a whole forest. That’s like, hundreds and hundreds of lives he’s dedicated to keep safe from Man at all times every single day, hundreds and hundreds of animals depending on him to not get shot. Even if he’s experienced at what he does, that’s still a huge pressure onto a single individual, and the fact that he can’t always save everyone every time Man is in the woods.

And a bonus: forget his status as the Great Prince of the Forest for a moment, and what do you have? A stag who lost his mate (whom he genuinely loved) and is left to raise their son entirely on his own.

If I were to guess, I’d say the Great Prince was far more serene prior to the tragedy; still a recluse, what with being the protector of the woods and then some, but less stern in general.

Everything we see of him before the completion of his character development, is him trying to make do with something that was out of his control and dealing with its consequences. (there’s a reason why ‘Parents as People’ is a trope, y’know)

Hell, it was all but stated that even before he became more open towards Bambi and embraced his role as a parent, he already cared about his son in his own way. I’m under the belief that he’s always been capable of raising him, all he needed was some time (and a bit of a nudge from Bambi himself at points).

Plus he was already regretting the whole “new mother to Bambi” plan and intending on calling it off by the time Friend Owl brought Mena, he only went through with it anyway because he thought he screwed things up with Bambi for good - btw I do not blame Bambi for being mad, poor guy’s spent most of the movie trying to impress his dad and taking every lesson to heart, only to find out about the arrangement at the worst time possible.

On another tangent, I feel like one aspect that’s often overlooked is how both Bambi and his father reacted to going through with the arrangement:

By the time Bambi was going to leave with Mena, he wasn’t even mad anymore, just downtrodden and upset that he wouldn’t get to see his friends as often, but otherwise resigned and accepting that it’s what he should be doing. Putting up a brave facade all the while, much like the Great Prince himself.

Same for the latter, he was trying to keep his regal facade up as well and insisting that “a Prince does sacrifices” - he was mostly talking about himself, having to give his son up so he’s raised by someone better than the Prince.

And let’s get one fact clear before heading to a main point in this essay: although Bambi did get mad at his father (down to even wishing his mother was there instead of him), he was far more upset at being separated from him and not getting to see him as often, and it’s made obvious he regretted yelling those words at his father.

Otherwise, Bambi wouldn’t have rushed back to nuzzle him goodbye, wouldn’t have thought of retaliating against Ronno when the latter taunted him about being “given away” due to his father “being ashamed of him”. And he certainly wouldn’t have run to another cliff to meet his dad after defeating the last of Man’s dogs.

In fact I more than believe that they would’ve reconciled on the spot as soon as they saw each other again, which was what likely gonna happen after Bambi saved Mena and got rid of all the dogs.

But then the cliff scene happened.

(aka one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie, and yes I will defend it right now)

Now, I can see why a good bunch of people hate that scene (namely the whole Disney Death thing), but allow me to say that it’s in the movie for a reason, and it’s not to trick the audience into thinking Bambi did die from the fall.

It’s to showcase the Great Prince’s character arc coming to fruition.

Remember when I said that the Prince did love Bambi in his own way despite not knowing anything about raising children? This is the scene where he finally realized just how much he did care all along, shedding away his “prince does/does not” mentality for good. Realizing that Bambi needed him as a father

There's so much that goes unsaid in the scene.

How the Prince’s voice nearly breaks when urging Bambi to get up, him saying “A Prince does not...” but never finishing it. What was he going to say? We don’t know, and that’s the point. Maybe even he didn’t know, maybe it was said out of reflex.

How he gets down and looks at his (seemingly) dead son before nuzzling him, keeping him as close as he could, and crying.

This all makes it more meaningful when Bambi does wake up and calls him Dad for the first time, showcasing how far their bond has gone and developed.

I believe, among other things, that the scene (and perhaps counting the dog chase as well) was also meant to be a mirror/parallel to the dream sequence from earlier in the movie. But that’s perhaps an essay for another day!

So, in conclusion… I swear I’m 100% normal about this movie, I totally did not spend days on end trying to make this improv essay as cohesive as possible-

[essay ends here, roll credits]

[localcanadiancreature62]

@chaseerr0rcode @aria-greenhoodie Look at my gays. Look at them.

Extra notes on Waxstaff and O'Pimm:

Thurburt is a bottom. His pathetic ass LOVES being under. Heck,he has had fantasies of WOMEN taking charge in the bedroom during his former relationships. He wants to get pegged sooo bad yet he doesn't know the term for when a men gets fucked lmaoo. O'Pimm tops. Something about regaining control of his life after everyone he had ever trusted ruined it (his shitty father, adoptive architect dad/boss,Bill,etc),also 'cause he wants to see Thurburt being even MORE pathetic. PERSONALITIES

Waxstaff - Bro is deadass just Shermie/Dipper. With him being pacifistic and chill and nice but also anxious insecure distrustful as well as desperate to become something else than just "the factory head's son". He's like if Dipper was more insecure and if Shermie was nicer without the sass. However he also isn't a pushover and one of the main reasons why he hates Bill is cuz he's fueled by spite,like i mean,getting mad cuz a demon guy gave him nightmares instead of the triangle giving him his journalism fame sounds pretty spiteful to me. Thurbert is the embodiment of "do no harm but take no shit". He's a nice guy,but even nice guys can become mean (worse than mean actually. downright asshole behavior) if they're pushed too far. Waxstaff may not have O'Pimm's spiritual knowledge,or Abigale's genius,or Horace's strength,but he is driven by sheer will and determination as well as ambition to get what he wants. Even if that means coupling with an insane gaggle of odd fellows that are probably all wanted for murder (Abigale Horace and Jessamine) with only one man among the group actually being sane enough to be of help (O'Pimm). He will kill that triangle and eventually get the glory he believes he deserves one day,no matter the costs (set pre society reveal to the public. oh thurbert,if you only knew).

O'Pimm - Husk. This man is literally Husk hazbin hotel,but not quite. Grumpy, apathetic,only cares about things if he gets to drink,swears a lot despite being a holy man,etc. Except unlike Husk,he has different reasons for acting like this. Instead of being grizzled by war and being a deadbeat gambler and a washed up overlord,his behavior is a result of being a product of child abuse and literally having to live on the streets at fucking 16 after his dad sold him to an architect guy who also fired him. He had it good for a while with a lovely wife a priest job and everything but like all good things,this had to end (for more trauma ✨). He's now tired and weary,he doesn't give a shit anymore as his only reasons for living are killing Bill and drinking. Priest man is going through it.

[physalian]

Pretty sure I’m a baby aro, running out of excuses to deny it anymore. Now I didn’t go through any internalized homophobia that you might have if you realize you’re gay or a lesbian, I knew if I came out to my parents they’d be fine (I just don’t want the attention and the questions). Aceness came easy to me, can’t think of any one epiphany moment or if it happened, it wasn’t a monumental one. Just, oh, yeah, that makes sense.

Aromaticism(?), though, that one’s harder to accept. I know I’m not the only one going/gone through this. It’s just a very lonely state of being, in a society where there are very thick bold lines between what you’re allowed to do with friends before it gets “weird” and messy (and why I fight so hard to write and love characters who ignore those lines but still stay just friends).

I haven’t been anyone’s priority one probably since I stopped being an only child when I was five. I don’t want romance, necessarily, but the only way you get to be the most important person in someone’s life is if you’re their lover.

I don’t need all the accoutrements of romance. But to have somebody who actually wants to do stuff together instead of making up excuses would be nice. Somebody who’s as invested in however we define our relationship as I am. Someone who texts first as often as I do. Someone with whom I never have to think “they’re just putting up with me”. Somebody who notices the little things, as I do for them. They don’t even have to be physically around all the time (in fact I prefer them not to be, I need my space).

It probably doesn’t help that my short list of friends has people only there because officially ending it would be too much work. The kind of people who won’t talk to me at all for months unless I reach out first. (When you work from home and everybody your age that you attempt to make friends with are either immature, or into things you hate like drinking, drugs, and clubs, making friends as an adult sucks.)

I’ve been in relationships out of guilt and expectations, short and miserable, but my second-to-last one, with a love-bomber who wouldn’t take no for an answer all the way to the bedroom… I didn’t like them, but I liked the attention. Got the fuck out of there right quick once I realized all I wanted was attention and not *their* attention.

But being aroace, when you don’t have anyone else to give you attention, is not a fun place to be. I don’t generally sit around whining about loneliness, but it hits every now and then. I can daydream about romance with the best of them (and I think I can write it well enough), but the person I’m imagining never has a face, or much of a body, they’re just a blob. And then reality hits and it’s like “oh this is the cost of romance? This is exhausting. You’re exhausting. I’m sick of being the one who has her shit together out of the two of us. Goodbye.”

I guess when you grow up surrounded by stellar examples of failed marriages and relationships and whiny pre-teens (and grown-ass adults, let’s be real) losing their shit over so-and-so not liking their Insta pic, romance sounds tedious as fuck.

Like, I can't not picture any would-be lover as a deadbeat with horrible parents I'd have to tolerate and some complex they think I can romance away and some hobby I can't stand. It's all I see in the people around me, "ugh I hate them, but I can't not love them". All I see is people I care about getting with the same shitty type of person because they're also lonely, but unlike me, they crave romance and sex and put up with shit so they can have those things. I'd have to put up with sex and romance for attention, and I'm not doing that.

My imaginary blob person doesn’t have a face, but the “sexiest” trait I can think of is just. Competence. Which is depressingly hard to find in other people my age.

Get me a somebody who does the dishes without being asked and who has savings and a career, not just a job, and knows how to do their taxes and can set up the WiFi without throwing a tantrum and is actually working toward their dreams and aspirations and can have adult conversations and doesn’t play stupid mind games and maybe we’ll strike the “aro” out of aroace.

Until then, hello everybody I’m new. Where do I put my stuff?

[felinespooky]

Yet Another Twisted Wonderland Theory

Still about Yuu

I am back on my mad ramblings regarding Twisted Wonderland. This time it’s not gonna be as far fetched as a previous post I did that proved to be nothing more than connecting dots that are never there. I feel like this one actually has some merit though as long as I don’t spiral out of control thought wise. Without further ado, let’s begin.

The theory this time around: The game Yuu is more of a conglomerate of the various manga Yuus.

“But how would that make sense?” I hear you, but before I can answer any of that, we are to hit the necessary bullet point questions:

* What connects the Yuus together?

* Who’s crazy enough to do this?

* What purpose does this serve?

Starting with “What connects the Yuus together,” I would have to say I don’t have all the answers considering that, at the time of writing, one Books 1-3 are out and available. Although, I’m only aware of Books 1 & 2 being in English; I play on EN so everything will be lagging behind all things considered. And to make it easier, I’d advise to have a separate tab that has information about what is canon to Game Yuu (@starsilluminateourgalaxy, @mee-op, and @darkscorpiox are where I find all the information regarding Game Yuu)

**A/N: Now, this is where I’d make a vinn diagram but unfortunately with the busy schedule I have going on, I haven’t been able to sit down properly and go full on MatPat or Theorizer on this section before someone or something demands my brain. I will one day make this list; just one a different post or a future edit.**

Now for “Who’s crazy enough to do this” question. The answer is simple: Crowley, our deadbeat bird dad. It’s been heavily hinted, dare I say proven, that it’s him we heard in the beginning of the game as Spooky Hand TM. Spooky Hand/Crowley does this whole speech right before waking up:

“Ah, my lovely Lord,

The noble and beautiful flower of evil,

You are the most beautiful, number one in this world.

— Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the most…

— For thee, guided by the Mirror of Darkness,

Follow thy heart and take the hand of the one reflected in the mirror.

Flames that turn even stars into ashes,

Ice that imprisons time,

Great tree that swallow even the sky,

Don’t be afraid of the power of darkness,

Come now, show your power,

Mine, theirs, and yours,

There’s only little time left,

Do not let go of that hand, at all cost.”

Now, going by key lines, it seems more like an incantation of sorts. Like, asking Hades to release a soul, and the companion to a flower. As if Yuu/the player is merely a seed that’s in the process of blossoming into whoever you want. Hell the “mine, theirs, and yours” line in particular strikes me as off.

Which brings me to the “what purpose” question. The answer is to merely complete a timeline that doesn’t end in tragedy. I believe there is a “time loop theory” running around in the fandom. Though it doesn’t function like the usual trope like in that one Supernatural episode; it functions more like an Undertale loop. In this case, it’s Crowley being able to do it instead of us. Now, why would this matter? I believe it’s because Crowley feels guilty about what happened the first time, most likely a death to some unknown previous Yuu. He genuinely felt sorry for this kid and decided that until he can figure it out, he’d let them stay. Plus they’re keeping Grim under control… but then they die. Best guess is either the cave he sent us to with Ace and Deuce, though that might’ve been different than the one we know, or Riddle’s Overblot. Regardless, he probably felt guilty about it, so he decided to rewind time. Except, something happened, the kid changed. He’d be confused, but he can’t blow his cover since he’s not supposed to be messing with time. So he takes it by the chin and acts normal. And the timeline does change, this Yuu (Yuuken) survives! But only a little as eventually, this one dies to Leona’s Overblot. However, he’s not letting this piece of Yuu die, he tries again. Except, it’s a different Yuu, Yuuka. The timeline changes just a little, she survives just a bit longer than the other, but she soon succumbs to death. This pattern happens until it’s Game Yuu’s turn. This time, Crowley has decided to create this Yuu, one that’ll survive everything in Twisted Wonderland! One that’ll survive Grim’s Overblot this time around! Maybe for shits and giggles, he forms this one into the image of the very first unknown Yuu. After all, if he just so happens to have something from the previous Yuus, how hard can it be to make life? However, that’s not the only thing that’s changed, he’s changed too. He was probably an actually great dude, but getting too attached to the most unluckiest kid to ever exist has wounded him. So, he tries to keep us busy and away from him. He probably cries seeing our Yuu just living life ignorant of his goal. But sevens forbid he cry, so he acts. All the while he hints at his works, calling himself kind and generous, probably wanting us to remember if possible.

Even if this theory flops like my other hot take, this makes for some hella great Crowley angst. Let the deadbeat crow suffer.