#how to get to Brussels
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I'm begging on my hands and knees for more Twilight au, and those are words I never thought I'd say! Anakin being able to resist compulsion, and Obi-Wan seeming instantly obsessed, and poor Shmi! Pretty please 🥺🙏
hey!! sure! here's some more!
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Having a sheriff for a mom sucked a lot when he was a kid growing up in a small town. There was probably nothing Anakin was rebelling against more at eleven, at thirteen, at seventeen than the rule of law his mother represented.
All things considered, she was pretty good at separating her home life from her worklife. It was Anakin who was bad at respecting the separation, Anakin who couldn’t keep son out of delinquent. There’s only so many times he could be pulled out of wreckage and bars and buildings with Keep Out No Trespassing signs on them before he got The Sheriff at home and out in public.
He’d hated it growing up and had come to grudgingly respect it later and in fits and starts. His dad dying had, terribly and ironically, helped a lot. His mother had had a stroke just before and then Anakin had been faced with the possibility of being an orphan, and the terror of that had mellowed him out.
Sorta.
He still hates a lot of things about his mother’s job. Especially the fact that she’s the sheriff of a very small town.
And when people talk, she listens.
The thing about small towns is that everyone’s always fucking talking. And other people are always fucking lsitening so they can talk later. One big fucking community, which means when Anakin comes home from his weird doctor’s appointment with Dr. Kenobi, a few hours later because he took a detour biking along the edge of the seaside cliffs just to spit in the good doctor’s metaphorical face, Shmi Skywalker already knows more than Anakin ever planned to tell her.
Like, for instance, “Sheila says that Dr. Kenobi thought it would behoove you to spend some time at the local library volunteering.”
Anakin pauses, backpack half-slung off his shoulders. He hangs his stuff up slowly, careful to keep his tone very light. “Did Sheila say what I told him after he said that?”
His mom’s silence is very loud.
“I don’t want to do i—”
“I asked the new librarian about it on my way home from the station. She thinks it’s a wonderful idea. Apparently we used to have a program like that in the forties but it died out during the war.”
“Mom, come on—”
“It’ll look good on resumes, saying you created and supported a local reading program.”
“Yeah, but I’m a bit too old to be applying for babysitting positio—”
“It’ll look good for me as well,” Shmi says in her sheriff voice. “Elections are coming up soon. It’ll be good, if my kid was involved in the community.”
Anakin’s glad that his back is still turned to the living room, where his mom is sitting. “Are you gonna run again?” he asks, paying special attention to his tone this time.
“Why wouldn’t I?” his mom replies. “I’ve been sheriff for a decade and a half.”
Anakin lets his eyes fall closed for a second, knowing that his face can’t be seen. This is how they end up half the time: Shmi’s ardent belief that she is invincible, going up against Anakin’s desperate desire for her to be so.
And they just don’t talk about it. As if they’re actually in agreement.
He knows how this is going to shake out.
“Do you have any plans tomorrow?” His mother asks.
Anakin’s eyes remain closed. “I guess so,” he says.
—--------
Mrs. Kenobi—call me Satine—is sort of scary up close. She’s tall. She glides between bookshelves. Anakin’s never met someone who glides before. And she’s so intensely, incredibly, blindingly perfect that Anakin would rather be anywhere but in her vicinity. There’s something incredibly unnerving about the symmetry of her face, the sharpness of her cheekbones. She’s obviously an absolute knock-out, just drop-dead gorgeous, but it makes Anakin’s skin crawl and his heart beat fast, but not in a good way or a normal teenage boy way.
Anakin tries to keep the unease off his face as Satine leads him through a tour of the library, a gentle hand on his forearm. That’s another thing Anakin doesn’t really like. She’s wearing satin gloves. He doesn’t know anyone who wears gloves anymore.
It’s just all a bit…unsettling.
“I put in a few words around the school yesterday afternoon,” Satine tells him. They pass by the mystery section, the fantasy section, and take a hard right into the young adult section. The shelves are smaller here, and Anakin feels rather stupidly gigantic as he and Satine walk through them. “To some parents picking their children up after school. They agreed it would be good exposure to bring them to the library for an hour or so of reading before supper.”
Anakin highly doubts it will be, but Satine hasn’t really asked him.
She sweeps past his figure and pushes open a pair of double doors with a flourish better suited for a Russian tsarina hosting an elaborate ball than a small town librarian showing off a small, cramped, and dusty room filled with padded seats and threadbare rugs.
And then, as if she has been waiting to put the last nail in the proverbial coffin, Satine adds, “A few students from the local high school will be here as well.”
“Sorry,” Anakin says, “are you saying I’m going to be reading to high school students? Can’t they do that themselves?”
After all, Anakin went to high school here. Academics hadn’t been too rigorously challenging, but they’d taught the fucking basics.
Satine raises one perfectly plucked eyebrow in his direction. “They’ll be volunteering as well.”
Oh. Right.
“It looks good on their college applications,” Satine waves a hand through the air and the words linger there. Anakin looks out the rather dirty window, jaw clenching. “I’ve already chosen a handful of books I think the young ones will enjoy.”
Anakin, committed to his fate, pads over to the titles placed carefully ontop of a short, stout side table.
“Peter the Rabbit,” he reads off the top. “Peter Pan. Alice in Wonderland. Treasure Island. The Prince and the Pauper—look, you’re the librarian here, but don’t you have anything written this century maybe? Harry Potter, even.”
“These are classics,” Satine tells him, her nose raised into the air as if she has encountered something particularly foul-smelling. She turns away, presumably to return to the front desk so she can welcome half the fucking town inside the library so Anakin can read them fucking Anne of Green Gables and become a better person.
“These are fucking boring,” he mutters to himself, flicking the cover of the first book, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz open. Publication date: 1900. “I’d rather be in Kenobi’s office getting lectured at.”
There’s a sharp noise of disapproval from the doorway, and Anakin’s head snaps up to see the tail end of a very heated look from the librarian before the door closes behind her.
He shivers, alone in the emply room, and it takes several long minutes for his heart to settle back into its normal pace.
—----------
After the fourth kid sneezes, Anakin closes his book with a snap and stands from the very small chair they’ve got him sitting on. “Come on,” he tells the cluster of children he’s been assigned to. “We’re getting out of here.”
“Are you kidnapping us?” One of them, a snot-nosed kid who’d started the sneezing says, rubbing at her cheek beneath her glasses. “Cause mommy says that’s not allowed.”
“I’m not kidnapping you,” Anakin snaps back, barely holding in his natural follow-up to the sentence which is of course, I don’t want to be around any of you in the first place. “Also, just for future reference, you shouldn’t ask if someone’s kidnapping you after you already start following them.”
The girl scowls and reaches up her hand to hold onto Anakin’s.
For the love of Christ.
“We’re just going to go into the main part of the library,” Anakin tells his children, all six of them. “They have windows out there.”
They have windows out there and they also have parents. Parents who absolutely should be doing other things with their lives and precious hour of extra freetime.
Parents who are clustered instead around the library’s front desk as the town’s newest librarian holds court.
“Is reading time over?” one of the kids asks him, turning his head to look up at Anakin.
Anakin thinks about it. “Do you want reading time to be over?”
The kid thinks about it back. “Yeah,” he decides. “You don’t do the voices good.”
“It’s a boring book,” Anakin tells the kid. “Voices aren’t going to make it better.”
“Voices always make it better,” another kid says. “They make everything better.”
“Oh look,” Anakin says. “Is that your father?”
He gestures vaguely towards the cluster of drooling middle-aged somethings focused on Satine.
The kid peeks around his thigh and then shakes his head. “No,” he says. “That’s Dr. Obi.”
“Dr. Obi!” The kid holding Anakin’s hand says, and she lets go.
Anakin gets a bad feeling about this, a feeling that only doubles when he turns around to see Dr. Kenobi sauntering towards him, hands tucked into the pockets of a long dark jacket that makes him look even more pale than he already is.
He scowls automatically as the man gets closer. “Dr. Obi.”
Dr. Kenobi spares him a look that’s far too amused for Anakin’s pleasure before he crouches down to the level of the kids. “Hello there, young ones,” he says, opening his arms to accept a hug from the traitor of a girl Anakin’s just spent thirty minutes reading to. “Are you eating all your vegetables? Even the brussel sprouts?”
“I like brussel sprouts,” one of the kids reports sounding proud, and that starts a cacophony of opinions about brussel sprouts from all around Anakin.
“Wow! One of mine just absolutely hates them,” Dr. Kenobi says. “She refuses to eat them, so you’re very brave, Michele.” He lets go of the girl and turns his golden-brown gaze up to Anakin. “And what does Mr. Skywalker think?” he asks, raising a hand for Anakin to take. It’s very obvious he’s asking for a hand up and Anakin is obeying before he thinks about it. He snatches his hand free almost too soon, but Dr. Kenobi doesn’t even have the grace to lose his balance and fall over.
His hand is like ice in Anakin’s, and Anakin stuffs his fingers into the pocket of his jacket automatically a second later.
“Do brussel sprouts help with circulation?” he’s biting out before he can stop himself. “Cause you may need some then.”
Kenobi’s head tilts very slightly to the side as his eyes catch and hold onto Anakin’s. “Oh?” he asks lightly.
“You’re cold,” is all Anakin mutters in return. He swipes his other hand against the back of his neck. “”S poor circlutation, isn’t it? Something in your diet maybe?” Dr. Kenobi blinks at him and then breaks into a wide smile. “I can assure my diet is very…circulation-mindful,” he says. “Blood health positive.”
Anakin’s mouth thins into a line. He guesses that’s what he gets for trying to give health advice to a doctor, especially a doctor like Kenobi who just so happens to be devastatingly attractive and also smart.
And also an asshole. And also married.
Speaking of which. “Are you here to fend off your wife’s admirers with a scalpel?” Kenobi’s eyebrows raise. “Young ones,” he turns his head away from Anakin, down to the children.
The strangest feeling breaks of Anakin the second Kenobi looks away, almost as if a strange pressure he hadn’t even realized had been building was suddenly dissolved.
The very small beginnings of a headache begin to thrum in his temples.
“Young ones, it’s time to find your parents, isn’t it?” Kenobi says, and like fucking magic, the crowd of six children around Anakin disperse, children swarming away from him towards the group of adults surrounding the front desk.
“Can you teach me how to do that?” Anakin blurts out, even though he’d meant to ignore Kenobi now that he doesn’t have to make nice in front of small kids. Not that he was really making nice in the first place. But now he definitely doesn’t have to.
Kenobi gives him a half-smile, eyes heavy-lidded. “It’s a special sort of skill that takes, above all else, much practice.”
Anakin scowls. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Does Kenobi think he can’t commit himself to something even as mundane as a fucking commanding persona? Does he think he doesn’t have it in him to be–-
Kenobi’s eyebrows go up again. “Has anyone ever told you that you are exceedingly defensive?”
“You’re extremely nosey,” Anakin snaps back, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t you have better things to focus on right now anyway?”
He gestures loosely towards Satine, who has started playing with one of the mother’s bracelets as the other woman stands and looks at her rather dumbfounded.
Kenobi follows his gaze and then lets out a huff of laughter. “Satine can take care of herself,” he says, even though it hadn’t really been Satine that Anakin was worried about.
He’s about to open his mouth to say so when Kenobi turns back to him. His eyes are piercing, a dark, captivating sort of gold.
“Do you find my wife beautiful, Anakin?” he asks.
Anakin blinks. His headache is getting worse, which is probably down to what can only be a trick-question fashioned to look like a grenade lobbed at his feet. “I don’t think there’s a good answer to that,” he mutters, rubbing absently at his forehead. “What the fuck.”
“An honest answer is a good one,” Kenobi says lightly. “Tell me honestly.”
The words feel pulled from Anakin’s stomach, and he’s opening his mouth before he realizes it. “No,” he says.
Kenobi’s eyebrows crinkle together. “No?”
Anakin curses his stupid impulse control. “She’s beautiful,” he adds quickly. “Really. But…it makes me uncomfortable.”
Kenobi’s lips purse, and then there’s something like disappointment in his eyes as he examines Anakin. “Ah yes,” he murmurs. “I’ve been told my wife can make countless young men feel rather uncomfortable. It’s normal in men your age, Anakin. Sexual ar—”
“Uncanny,” Anakin blurts out. He doesn’t mean to, but he also doesn’t want to listen to Kenobi trying to lecture him on fucking arousal in the public library. When it’s not even relevant. “She’s so beautiful, it’s uncanny.”
“Uncanny.”
“Yeah, like. Monstrous.”
Kenobi’s mouth falls open, pink lips parted in what looks like honest surprise.
Anakin’s own eyes widen as it hits him that he’s just called Kenobi’s wife a monster to Kenobi’s face.
“Shit,” he says. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m going to go.”
He throws a look at Kenobi, whose eyes are lit with something a lot like interest and then across the library to where Satine’s head is turned, cocked, and eyebrows up high on her forehead, as if she’s just heard everything he’s said.
He decides rather immediately that he’s going to take the backdoor exit.
#asks#twilight au#obikin#a couple of things:#all the books mentioned are published before 1920 because satine was probably a young mother around that time#imo she became a vampire during ww1#brussel sprouts tasted very bitter in the 60s through the 90s before we tweaked how they were grown genetics wise#so kids used to hate them and one of the vampires in obi-wan's coven was a kid during the 60s so has strong memories of brussel sprouts#being awful#satine's special vampire power is her beauty which is like double that of the normal enthralling/alluring/perfect predator beauty#so anakin's own sort of immunity to vampire powers a la bella means he just finds it unnerving and uncanny#but he did fall prey to obi-wans mind trick at the end there because the immunity thing i think would be something he has to practice#to get strong at#so his immunity kicked in at satine's beauty and it didn't affect him#but he couldn't also effectively protect himself from obi-wan's mind compulsion#to tell the truth#because systems overloaded
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This great new young Northen band have been supporting us on tour, great to have Tom up from the Royston Club last night help us out with Come Closer x
Via Miles’ TikTok
Babygirl 🥹🥰
#18/02/2024#brussels#miles kane#the scrunched up eyes the way he butts into Tom’s chest and that lifted leg 🥺🥺 babygirl#and afterwards of course received his scratchies#love how he always says ‘us’ instead of supporting me (he is a solo artist after all)#his leg really said every girl in every romcom ever getting that kiss#my favorite butch
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It's been over a week but here's my obligatory concert photo dump ♡
#hozier#hozier concert#brussels 22.06.2024#this man really went#ah yes#a 30+ degrees hot venue#what to wear what to wear#oh I know! three piece suit!#perfect :)#and then went 'iS It HoT In HerE???' lmao#honestly worth the odyssey i went through to get there#also met some really cool people and made friends for the day hehe#(and i also got my money for the canceled flight back#not only that but it was more than twice as much as i paid for it? i don't wanna say this is how i want it to work everytime now#but i actually have more money now than I did before even though I paid double for the bus#so this isn't the worst lol)#void screams#concerts
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the ateez Europe tickets are really fucking overpriced wow
#fio.txt#seems like germany is worse than everyone else but what the fuck#im not paying 180 fucking euro for a standing ga ticket?????#my sister got tswift ones for like 90#even 130 from what i saw for brussels for ga is expensive when you know theres no chance to really see anything#bc all the vip tiers are jn front of you#speaking of. german ult vip is 550 which is more than i pay for rent. the FUCK#i know this isnt ateez fault#but i hate what a money grab everything about them has become#ive been not really into them lately bc i thought the last album and japanese somg sucked but i was looking forward to seeing them live agi#but not for this kind of money????#the cheapest tickets are still 75 but ive been to the worst tier in that arena before and its really not great to be up there#so 75 when i know its not even going to be close to the amazing experiences ive had before? idk man#fuck you kq and fuck capitalism#ive never in my life seen ga standing tickets be more than like 105 euros. no artist no matter how big ive seen has ever wanted me to pay#almost 200 this is ABSURD and im so mad about it#no one tell me about usa prices are much higher. i know that. however in relation to quite literally#every other concert ive ever attented#this is so infuriating lol#and 180 too for like tier one seating when on the fucking website you apparently cant even select your seats yourself#seriously debating trying to get any tickets atp#i want to see them but not for this much money. like for 500 euros i can go on holiday to another country for an entire week
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Pretty much all of my advice from years of tutoring, working with foster kids, and helping raise half a dozen toddlers is two questions and an answer:
1) Is there a developmental or medical reason the kid is doing [behavior], or is it a control thing?
2) If it is a control thing, what will I gain from tackling it head on that I wouldn't gain from alternate solutions or by giving up entirely?
And the answer is almost ALWAYS "No one wins when you initiate combat with a toddler, because you're an adult with a million responsibilities, and that kid ain't got nothing else to do. You might get what you wanted, but you'll both still lose"
#messages from knave#watched a video about kids on planes and the comments were garbage because the mom MENTIONED#NOT EVEN THE POINT OF THE VIDEO#that her kid was going through a picky eater phase#and yeah sometimes it is just a phase and its not medical or sensory but like. who cares#yeah some kids come out of potty training with control issues but who wins if you spend two hours arguing with a 4 year old?#no one#but the adult always loses#and what would the kid gain sitting there being more stubborn than you? because they're not gonna remember anything about food#they're gonna remember how frustrated they were and how good it felt to stick it tk your ass#kids don't know how much food costs or about the food pyramid or that your mil is judging you because they didn't#touch her broccoli brussel sprout casserole or w/e#but they DO know when you're being a dick to them and lack the social experience to not take that shit personally#so do you wanna get into a grudge match with a toddler or do you wanna watch a soap opera and put them to bed at 8pm?
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Not seeing the person I broke up with and just cutting all contact is one thing but loosing the whole friend group and loosing all contact in school cuz I don't have classes anymore and others either graduating or leaving uni and just being almost alone with my thesis is really sending me into downward spiral
#život#i miss people to hang out with regularly so much tbh#like it got me fucked up#break up all peaches living my life but suddenly going to almost 0 social life is circle of hell#if my bestie haven't moved in with me and my boyfriend wasn't there idk what I would do#that's last two standing#what will I do in Brussels for two months?#god knows lmao#and no I would not go back#this needed to happen and the things needed to break#it's gonna get better I just need to be patient#but I'm sad about it that's just how it is#i want to go raving in Saturday and I wish I had friend group to text to and go with
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I really hate the world
#harder to get at us here so you kill us in belgium instead I guess#I have family in brussels...#can't go into town without worrying and can't let anyone know you're swedish if you leave the country without being scared either I guess#and all of it over such a small thing too. I just don't understand how people can justify this stuff to themselves and others#someone said they didn't like you or your religion so now you're gonna murder a bunch of other people? I just can't wrap my head around it#personal
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my stomach is KILLING me rn whos spiked my brussel sprouts
side note but Brussel sprouts are AMAZING (#controversial) and i forget that until the next time i have them
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should NOT have opened Twitter just now.
#i saw a couple qts of a tweet going on about how seeing a painting of a palestinian flag in brussels is antisemitic or whatever#the qts were calling out that mentality at least#but many of the replies were a fucking travesty 🤦♀️#soooooo much anti-palestinian sentiment#(which. if you are pro-israel (or at least pro-israeli goverment or pro-zionism) then you are no longer welcome on my blog)#(not to get too political but i'm lebanese so that definitely shapes my pov)#raya vents#i fucking hate twitter#it's admittedly a very complicated issue but still
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Round 3+ ideally, hopefully zucchini has been already eliminated as well
#am somewhat surprised brussel sprouts aren’t in this poll given how many complaints I’ve heard about them#oh I just saw a comment saying that getting rid of green capsicum would also get rid of all capsicum#would have been my vote if I’d realised that
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god brussel sprouts are so goated. how the hell did they get known as the nasty vegetable
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Depression (You guess you don't laugh enough for them.)
#☼︎ rants#depression#if you're wondering#this is about how every time i get into a little laughing fit around my parents#they always say something like “somethings gotten into you!”#while if anybody else were to they don't say anything#just one little silly act i laugh at and it's weird to them#i was teasing my brother by doing the airplane thing and wooshing a brussel sprout around his face and laughing at my own antics#and they found it unusual enough to comment on#i meant to color this but i forgot
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.
#I've seen innumerable accounts boosting posts claiming to be from Palestinian individuals with gofundme campaigns#I hate to tell you guys but all or nearly all of these are almost certainly scams#they're the same as the pornbots#Gaza does not have the ability to use gofundme directly#If you look at the pages of these things it's usually some guy based out of Brussels or elsewhere in Europe#and there's no way at all to tell whether this is legitimate or how any money they collect is getting passed on to someone in Gaza#it is very easy to get photos off the internet that look like they're from Gaza#there are a few tumblr accounts that claim they are vetting these campaigns#but they never tell you how they're doing that so there's no way to be sure it's happening at all#this is not a good use of your money if you want to help Palestinians#please for the love of everything donate to a reputable charity like Anera#they're working with Palestinians on the ground and they explain their process thoroughly#they don't work with groups like Hamas#the money goes to actual people and communities that need it#I know people are falling for these tumblr scams because of their better natures#they want to help and that's lovely#but do it the right way#don't line some scammer's pockets#fully expecting to be cancelled for this but I'm so tired of seeing people boosting these scam artists
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This is heresy, properly cooked Brussels sprouts are proof that God exists and he loves us.
Brussels Sprouts were invented by monks for use as a mark of penitence. Only those who committed the most terrible sins were condemned to taste their horrible flavor. They are named for St. Bernard of Brussels, who also tasted pretty awful.
#…literally Brussels sprouts are one of my favorite foods#if I think about them I will become obsessed with having a roasted Brussels sprouts#so fuck this post#you’ve honestly laid a curse on me#like… you know the original fairy tale of Rapunzel?#where her mother becomes almost supernaturally obsessed with eating this specific vegetable?#that’s how I feel about Brussels sprouts#an almost supernatural compulsion to consume this thing#I would give up a child for a well-made brussels sprouts dish ngl#fuck you’ve cursed me and now I have to get the ingredients and make it#I HATE THIS POST I HATE YOU HOW DARE YOU#THE OBSESSION WITH THE BEST VEGETABLE HAS ONCE AGAIN FALLEN UPON ME#AND I’M ANGRY ABOUT IT
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damn wound healing goes crazy fast when u eat a fuckton of vitamin C
#i scraped my finger like 9 hrs ago and it was bleeding quite a bit and now??? it looks like its HALFWAY done healing already!?!?!?!?#im on that brussel sprout grind and gurl its paying off 😎😎😎😎 my collagen synthesis is on fire gurlll 😎👌👌👌#SAY THE WORD AND ILL INFODUMP ABT HOW VITAMIN C IS VERY IMPORTANT IN SYNTHESIZING COLLAGEN#A VERY IMPORTANT MOLECULE IN THE GOOP STUFF THAT KEEPS ANIMAL CELLS GLUED TOGETHER#fun fact! if cancer cells get a mutation that makes them start excreting wonky shitty collagen molecules into the extracellular matrix the#tumor can become like all wonky and flubber-y. and the cells arent glued together very strongly which can then lead to metastasis!!#ah. too late. i already started infodumping :| fkahdjsdhjahdha#mine#ask to tag
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this one requires a little bit of context:
so I make faces when I taste things. I've wondered if I have the "supertaster" thing, but an ex verbally berated me about that so I've stopped claiming it, plus I think there's something else going on.
anyways, I make faces when I taste things. as long as it's strong in taste (alcohol always does it, most fruits do it) my face will screw up and be weird -- so much so, that a friend in college specifically stole me away to feed me a shot of absinthe and record my face contorting over it, once.
And, of course, I've always done this - ever since I was aware of awareness, anyways, which means I did this as a little kid. And I think lots of little kids probably do this! These flavors are new and intense in strange ways! I bet kids make faces even when they eat something they like, much less a new thing with a strong flavor.
So now, the not-normal-story part:
I've never had a meatball. Before college, I had never had oranges, grapes, I've still never had an enchilada (grew up in Texas, hello!) there are so many things that I've only gotten to try as an adult,
because my mother didn't believe in little kids, I guess?
I made faces as a kid, too. For everything. I'd try something and my face would screw up, and she would instantly declare, out loud, while taking away whatever I had tried, "oh, [they're] picky, [they] won't eat this!"
Didn't matter what it was, didn't matter how I felt about it, didn't matter what I said afterwards, didn't matter if I could later "prove" I "liked it" by eating more elsewhere. Once she had Decided that I was "too picky" and "didn't like it", that was it! I was never allowed to even try that foodstuff ever again.
Oh, except for things she thought her children should eat. "Try two bites" every single time she put asparagus on the table. "Two bites! Your tastebuds change!" every single time there were brussel sprouts. I ate the fuck out of peas, green beans, broccoli, btw. It wasn't a greens issue.
Eventually, I grew up, and while I now get to try things on my own, I've also discovered other things that came of this horrible treatment of children: I can't handle spice. Like, at all. I used to be able to tell when pepper had been added into a dish because that would cause it to be "too spicy" for me. Regular black pepper! I used to cut the edges off of nice steaks bc the pepper crust was too much for me! It has taken years for me to get to the point where I can have pepper and a couple of other spices inside of food without my mouth registering them as "spicy". Years of slowly raising my tolerance and trying things every single opportunity I get.
So today, as I was walking through my kitchen, getting my breakfast, and I saw the jar of four-cheese red pasta sauce my partner and I picked up from a grocery store to have with pasta at some point, I realized:
I've never had a meatball. While my whole family was eating homemade meatballs, red sauce, and spaghetti every single sunday, I sat there, having nothing but plain - unbuttered! - pasta.
If any of this sounds familiar in any way, congratulations: you were abused! I'm sorry to be the bearer of this news, but there's good news too!
Now that I'm an adult, I get to try everything. I have experiences as an adult that I've never had before in my life. Do you know how incredible it is to taste a fruit for the first time while in full control of my faculties? To have the ability to try things, to spit them out without judgement if I need to, and to discover that things actually taste good! There are things out there that I have NEVER even thought about, that I never had the chance to try as a kid, and now I get to try it as an adult, and that means I can buy as much of that stuff as I want. Ha!
#text post#abuse tw /#not normal stories#important to know that not once ever did my mother compensate or accomodate me#I ate my plain pasta and frankly I was happy with it#because at least she wasn't shoving brussel sprouts down my throat#I also learned recently that the entire ''family'' down there thought I was a ''difficult kid''#so if any of this sounds familiar! especially if ALL of it does!#get ye to therapy!#I've been in for years and years and yEARS and it has done nothing but help me#this is also a weird form of abuse so I wanted to talk about it out loud#in hopes maybe it helps someone else realize how not-normal this is
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