#how the fucking hell am i supposed to write something that's ALL MATH based and it not be plagiarism

[abby-the-druid]

Okay, for real, real question.

How the fuck are you actually supposed to write a dissertation? Like... there is no guidance? Is that my advisor or is that me?

I feel like someone said "Hey, write me a 150 page document about something you did over the course of the last 5 years."

And I said, "Okay, but like, how do you want that to look?" and no one answered.

And so I said, "but like, you think x y z should go in it, right?" and no one answered.

and so I said, "but like... how should I go about that?" and no one fucking answered.

So now, like as of a day ago, I was asked to have a completed dissertation to turn into my advisor NEXT WEEK.

So I've been doing the spongebob, right? Like staring down at paper, writing furiously, reading furiously, I have had a headache every day for at least 2 straight weeks; I have bags under the bags on my eyes - my fiancé literally told me I have 3 consecutive bags under each eye where they just keep getting worse; I am not sleeping well unless I take my large dose medicine; I am not tired, I am only tired, I am not hungry, my body does not feel normal, I am not bathing regularly, I am behind on chores and

I

STILL

DON'T

KNOW

WHAT THE FUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO DO TO WRITE THIS.

What the fuck am I supposed to be doing? Like I'm going to give this a try but I cannot express how much I DO NOT KNOW what I'm doing.

And you say, but surely, Abby, in the last 5 years at this institution you've published right? Surely your advisor has kept up and made sure you're making good progress, right? Obviously, they have prepared you in some capacity, right?

I would say to you, unfortunately, no. No, I have not published a single first author pub in the last 5 years. My advisor has not kept up to the point over the summer we had not a single meeting -I need weekly meetings otherwise I fall into the void and am taken by the aether- and after waiting 3 months for him to give me feedback on my first paper - the first one I've written in any professional capacity - I am told to deliver a full thesis.

Somebody just fucking take me out brother. I am beyond lost at this point and feel like a failure.

Thanks for listening.

If you do have advice, it would be greatly appreciated because I'm losing my fucking mind.

[naturepointstheway]

Frozen - Domestic Assassin (Crack AU) Masterpost

This is a Masterpost of all the fanfiction I’d written (all on Tumblr) based in @ultranos’ Domestic Assassin crack AU which was hilarious for a fairly good-sized group of us! And from what I”ve seen in my notifications, people are still enjoying and finding fics of mine in this AU even to this day, which is great! 

I’ve basically dug into my previous fanfiction pages and pulled them out year by year, so because it’ll be way too much work to try and arrange everything by title, I just went by year. At least Tumblr keeps the links when I copy and paste. 

Since there are so many, you’ll find them under the cut. Enjoy! 

Pre-2016

Air Mattress Prompt  

An exhausted Anna returns home from a hot night with Kristoff only to accidentally make her sister fly off the air mattress when she flops down on it for a sleep.

“Am I supposed to be alarmed by the moon tonight?” prompt 

Elsa is so exhausted she gets confused between the sun and moon apparently.

“Can we please stop fighting and talk about the koala in your room?” 

Elsa adopted a koala, much to Anna’s exasperation.

“Can you pull this fake cobweb across the door?” Halloween prompt 

Anna wants to play a prank on Elsa...

Cell Block Sniper (M - violence and strong language)

Yes. Yes. It’s a crossover. A crossover between “Cell Block Tango” song from Chicago and this AU.

“Do you realise what this means?” “That you’re a really bad shot?” 

Elsa is NOT having the best of time trying to instruct a new trainee.

Domestic Assassin AU prompt: Hans’ POV (pre-reveal) 

Hans has a visit from Elsa when he dumps Anna. 

“Don’t touch that!” (Healthcare writing prompt, Snow Sisters) 

Elsa was bound to fall out of a tree at some point and end up in hospital. Anna takes care of her. 

Elsa and Weselton prompt 

Elsa refuses to let Weselton in the door.

Eyes That Glisten 

Anna knows how to persuade Elsa to do whatever she wants. 

“God you’re such a grumpy bags in the morning aren’t you?” 

Elsa is not a happy camper after a long night where everything just goes wrong. “Holy shit. Most realistic Dementor costume ever.” Halloween prompt 

Turns out, Elsa just looks like that most of the time.

“I can’t help being a geek about my vital signs!” prompt (Elsarik) 

A crossover between another AU (Shardsverse) 

“I don’t think I should tell you what we’re dressed as.” (Halloween Prompt) 

Somebody think of the children! 

“I dropped my cookie :’(” 

Elsa cries when she drops her cookie. 

“I feel like a T-Rex” 

Anna is too lazy to just grab the goddamn stepladder and get the jam herself.

“I wish I could drive you out of my life with a sword!” (Hans and Anna, prompt) 

Anna is NOT a fan of Hans...

“Maybe you should go as an assassin. Oh wait, you already are one.” (Halloween prompt) 

Anna is a sarcastic little sister to Elsa.

“No one unfollows like Gaston!” 

Anna overhears Gaston boasting about how he unfollowed someone because of a disability. She is not happy.

Ruined Dinner Party

After an hour of waiting for her sister to come to the party, Anna finally spots her with “ketchup” all over her top. 

Part 2 of “Ruined Dinner Party”

Of course it wasn’t ketchup. Duh. Anna is NOT HAPPY.

Sleepyhead (drabble, Snow Sisters) 

Elsa, going to the kitchen for midnight munchies, spots Anna sprawled on a couch, textbooks all around her. 

“So. Many. Triangles. Help me here!” 

Anna, not being a maths-y person, gets frustrated with geometry, and Elsa offers to help. 

“So you’re going as yourself for Halloween.” Halloween prompt 

Elsa is not keen on dressing up as Halloween.

“Tell our parents my Tumblr URL and I swear I will make your death look like an accident” prompt. 

Elsa practically threatens Anna when the latter demands to explain her Tumblr URL (of course she quickly forgives her little sis.) 

“That mask is all kinds of creepy. I like it.” Halloween prompt 

Elsa practically shits herself when Anna scares her while wearing a terrifying mask. 

Things you said at 4am prompt 

Anna gets a call at 4am on her phone from Elsa, who accidentally sniped the wrong guy..

Those Poor Birds 

Elsa mistakes a pair of birds’ mating antics as fighting, much to Anna’s amusement.

“Wait, you’re yelling at a movie?” (Snow Sisters, writing prompt) 

Elsa is very confused to find that Anna’s yelling from the lounge is at a movie. Not at an invader.

“Was it really necessary to shoot my pumpkin carving?” (Halloween prompt) 

Anna is NOT happy when Elsa decides to use her pumpkin carving for shooting practice.

“What do you mean it’s a sunset…?” prompt 

Elsa wakes up only to find that it’s already after sunset, not sunrise.

“What the hell? You gave out alcoholic chocolate to trick-or-treating kids?!” (Halloween prompt) 

Anna discovers that her German chocolates had been opened by Elsa, who’d handed them out to kids. 

“Where did you leave the spare copy of that book?” (Elsarik DA!verse, prompt) 

Crossing over with another writer’s AU with her OC, Alarik. Elsa can’t find that one specific book she needs, and she’s sure Alarik has it. 

“You once asked me what I’d do if I had only one day left.” prompt 

Anna will most definitely NOT be spending that final day of her life with Hans.

“You did what?!” prompt (Elsa and Kristoff) 

Elsa does not appreciate Kristoff’s concern over her having WAY too many cats for one house.

“You mean a line segment.” prompt 

Elsa is a huge geometry nerd, even waiting in line for takeaways.

“You should go as an assassin. Oh wait. You already are one.” prompt 

Another one where Anna suggests Elsa goes as an assassin for Halloween, only to be all “oh wait, you are one.” 

2016

Accidental shooting

Elsa accidentally shoots someone she did not mean to shoot in a library’s basement. 

Amuse Me

Elsa’s having one of those blah days and Anna’s there with bad puns all ready to go.

“Bittersweet and Strange” (not based on a prompt)

Elsa explains exactly how she likes her coffee to Anna. Turns out Elsa is also a huge fan of marmite. 

“Can’t I at least take this baby koala home?”

Anna, no, you cannot take a koala home from Australia, no matter how cute it is.

Cat Gallery (not based on a prompt)

Kristoff discovers Elsa’s huge photo album of her cats. 

“Did you lose your main point…”

Anna hears something about money and bills and wait what now.

“Do nurses ever fall asleep on the night shift?”

Anna visits Elsa in hospital and inevitably someone has to wonder this. Elsa’s adorbs when she’s pouty and Anna can’t help but annoy her on this count.

Fight Me

One sister challenges another to a fun boxing game. 

“How did you get these bruises?”

A crossover with another writer’s canon OC, Alarik (”Elsarik”) where he asks how she got some bruises while on the job. 

“How many cats are in bed with you?”

Anna marvels that there are nine cats in bed with Elsa. 

“I don’t think you’re supposed to have the whole packet at once.”

Do not eat a whole bag of coffee. Do not.

I Have Found My People (not based on a prompt)

Elsa has discovered that certain Scandinavian countries drink the most coffee in the world and wants to migrate there right now.

“I know you don’t want this but it’s for your own good…”

Kristoff is rightly concerned when he finds that Elsa had thirty cups of coffee in 48 hours. Do not do this at home.

“I, uh, kinda dropped it in the water.”

Elsa calls Anna to tell her there’s an emergency: she dropped her wallet in the sea and all the fish now have her personal information. 

“I want a Venusian day…”

Elsa tries to explain to Anna why she would not want to live on Venus. Anna doesn’t give a fuck. More hours in the day what’s not to love about that?

Of Cat’s Paws and Adopting Stellar Systems (not based on a prompt)

Elsa is enthralled by a photo of the Cat’s Paw Nebula she has found on the laptop. 

Of Monkeying Around and Going Ape (not based on a prompt)

Anna comes home to discover that Elsa has adopted a monkey that had been neglected by its owner. Even Anna is almost (I said, ALMOST) tempted to keep the monkey but her common sense reigns. 

“Oh so you were in my bed this whole time?” (nsfw)

Dontcha hate when you’re in the middle of coitus and your goddamn cat has to interrupt you? (Elsarik, with another Frozen writer’s (@patricia-von-arandel) OC for Elsa)

“Once we start tickling, we can’t stop!” (nsfw)

Another steamy one with an old abandoned OC of mine (Jannike), where they find themselves having a quickie while the boss is away. 

Rubbish Day (not based on a prompt)

Anna is horrified to find a rubbish bag gone and trails of what suspiciously looks like blood leading outside. Turns out some meat thrown in there leaked inside.

“The best way to get rid of your ex…”

Anna didn’t think that Hans Westerguard would ever end up on Elsa’s targets to “take care of”. Until he does.

The One Time Elsa Caught Anna “Studying” (not based on a prompt)

Anna uses the mirror in the bathroom to practice distinguishing teeth for a medical exam. Elsa suggests alternatives. 

“What is this owl doing in our bathroom?”

Of course Elsa would adopt an owl and want to keep it in the bathroom. Of course.

“Who dances in the rain anyway?”

Elsa comes home to discover Anna dancing in the rain. 

“Why is there an otter in our kitchen?”

Anna comes home to find that Elsa has “adopted” an otter from a “client”. As you do.

“Why would you wish to be at a backpackers?”

Elsa and Alarik (Shards AU, Elsarik) decide to stay at a backpackers together for some private time. 

“Yes, yes the cold doesn’t bother you…”

Anna is not impressed with Elsa standing in the snow when she has a major cold.

2017

The Blood of White Men (not based on a prompt)

As Elsa’s favourite song goes, he had it comin’ all along. 

Is the Earth Broken? (not based on a prompt)

Elsa is confused about why the day she thought it was today...actually isn’t. She convinces herself the Earth has somehow broked. 

“It won’t be high tide you said…”

Elsa needs to learn that reading yesterday’s newspaper’s high tide times is not helpful. 

Kittens on Saturn (not based on a prompt)

Elsa hopes there’s actual giant kittens on Saturn after seeing a graphic manipulation on an astronomy news site.

Of Singing Humpback Whales and Rock Trolls

Kristoff visits Elsa in hospital while Anna’s busy with other things. It...does not go as expected. Poor Kristoff. 

“Proboscis Monkeys look ridiculous…”

Anna’s exasperation at Elsa rescuing a Proboscis monkey is still not so great that she can’t help but wonder what would happen if you honked their nose. Anna NO. 

“She’s going to kill you.”

Kristoff knows his days are numbered when he spills carrot juice all over Elsa’s brand new rifle. Uh oh.

“There’s a perfectly good reason for all these kittens.”

Turns out Elsa decided to adopt some kittens left on the side of the road when they’re already over-run with cats.

“This is extreme, even for you.”

Elsa is so addicted to her coffee she’s begun pouring them into wine bottles, as you do.

2018

Elsa brings home a parrot 

Anna discovers that Elsa has “rescued” a very large, very loud parrot from one of her, ahem, “clients”.

Elsa’s Back Up Cat, Mushu 

Anna discovers one of the cats apparently reading a book, and much to her consternation, Elsa explains he’s for back up.

“Oh what a circus!” photo prompt 

Anna takes her still-bewildered-after-five-coffees sister to the circus. This may or may not turn out to be a great idea.

[blukwolf]

AFO!Izuku

Alright so I was watching a... comic? (Yes, watching, as in watching it in yt) idk about Izuku having AFO and accidentally stealing Bakugou's quirk which led to the Midoriya's leaving Japan and going overseas with Hisashi, who happened to be All For One, so this idea came to me as a different take on Vigilante borderline Villain Deku.

(sorry for every mistake you may see here, english is not my native language)

AU in which AFO is Izuku's dad and Izuku inherited AFO, thus leading to him taking quirks from his peers when he was a child because he didn't know how to 'turn it off', which then led to him not having a lot of friends because the rest of the kids were afraid he might try to steal their quirks indefinitely. He went overseas with his family to try and 'forget' about what happened and maybe get a better hand at controlling Liability, his quirk.

Once he's back in Japan, after AFO v AM fight (the first one) news broke out about The Greatest Villain™ having a heir somewhere around the world (which the people would be confused about, but not the villains, THEY KNOW about the Lord of the Underground, they've heard the rumours, so) so word spreads about Izuku without no one knowing is about him exactly, but Bakugou Remembers, he never forgot about 'the Deku who steals quirks' which would be really difficult to evade, given the fact that Katsuki is the powerhouse he is in canon and pretty much everyone hates him, fears him or fawns over.

With this in mind, Izuku knows there's no way for him to become a Hero, not if he wants to be recognized as All For One's son, so his best route to achieve his dream is by doing it out of the law, being a Vigilante.

By this point either way his view of the Hero Society is more wide open, HE KNOWS the difficults of having a quirk that doesn't fit society's standards, HE KNOWS how hard it is to be viewed as the "bad one" for something you didn't have control over, HE KNOWS people would judge you based on literal bullshit if they can, so he doesn't risk it, he can't risk it for his mom, for the safety and the love Inko needs after "losing" his husband.

(they both are very aware of who Hisashi was and Inko is heartbroken, so Izuku doesn't want to make it harder for her by going out on full display on UA by wanting something that doesn't belongs to him)

This leads to him wanting desperately a change, to go out an Do Something for those like him, for those who are ignored by the ones who only wish more recognition, for those who, like him, were casted aside as "liabilities" for the Society.

He wants to be an All Might of sorts, but a little more... Discreet. Without the big announcement, the smile, the 'bunny ears'. He takes more after Eraserhead.

So, he becomes 'Reprise', a vigilante (criminal for those Good Ones™) who goes 'berserk' at night, beating up all types of Real Criminals, going from drug dealers to genuine Villains, freeing neighborhood after neighborhood and doing what some pros are supposed to do.

He takes the quirks of those who he despises, those who he thinks are the worst of the worst. With them, he doesn't hold back, he ambushes them, takes them off guard and takes their quirks as soon as he can.

It's a little bit like Stain, without the murder and the intensity, but he does share a bit of his ideals, mostly when it cames down to the 'True Heroes' and all that jazz.

News start to spread about the new 'villain' going around beating others just for fun, which leads to other villains wanting to prove themselves by conquering the 'Mad V', thus leading to those same villains ending up without a quirk and a wake up call.

(He's not directly involved with UA and the stuff happening to Class 1A, just briefly jumping in to stop Stain and saving Iida's life (IIDA'S LIFE, unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that Iida's entire life/career changed after that, the Hero Killer achieving his goal of damaging him forever))

With word on the street about a new vigilante doing 'God's Work' and defeating Villain after villain, the rumours make their way into UA halls and the police force, alerting Tsukauchi and Nedzu, which eventually leads to Bakugou knowing about it and having his suspicions.

(Neither Bakugou nor Izuku have encountered each other since the day Izuku left for America, so that)

Now about his appearance, he doesn't have the typical Gucci Eyebags for having insomnia, no. He does have the Gucci Eyebags for going around beating villains so late at night.

He IS a bit different regarding his looks, he DOES has his messy hair, but with an undercut (bc only God knows how much I love Undercut!Izuku), and tends to wear normal clothes. In short, he's not far from Canon Izuku but he's definitely different.

He's not the sad depressed snarky Izuku we love to see in fanfics, no. He's more compossed, polite, kind, but he is a loner, tends to stay in the corner of the room to try and get a hang of his surroundings. He's that kind of anime guy who is serious, has a few friends/classmates that he's friendly with, and mostly evades spotlight. He's not depressed, he's angry at the world for being unfair and angry at himself for allowing the world to hurt him.

That changes when he is Reprise. He becomes this violent vigilante who wants to make a change, who goes out at night to pick fights and steal quirks and do what the Pros don't. He's snarky, sarcastic, rude, he talks back and throws insults around the street as if nothing. He's not afraid of getting injured, he welcomes the pain as a reminder, a reminder that he's doing something and that Something is making other people feel safe and protected.

The Night is Still Young tends to be his catchphrase.

He actually goes with a therapist.

He continues writing his notebooks about quirks and pros, and even villains. He has a whole pack of them with all the quirks he has taken, how they function and how to improve them.

He goes to a well-known high school for Geniuses and Prodigies with interests in sports, maths, sciencies and the like, even those who want to make a living in the support drpartment goes there.

He thinks his fort is his Mind.

((I don't think I have to point it out, but his meeting with All Might & the Sludge Villain doesn't happen in this au.))

(Shigaraki is well aware of his existence, he doesn't know it's Izuku until Reprise tries to ambush him. Shigaraki's thrilled with the rumours about a heir of AFO running around ruining business, so he would obviously want to meet him at some point and maybe try and recruit him, convince him to join his Father's side.)

His first real, face-to-face encounter with Katsuki and the rest of Class 1A (some of them at least) happens during Kamino.

Todoroki, Yaoyorozu, Kirishima, Uraraka and Tsuyu are the ones who rescue him SOMEHOW, i'm not going into details because I can't think of them right now, but THEY saved Bakugou.

It's when the news about a creature created by the LOV broke out that he found out about his dad's survival. So he tries to gain information by breaking in the police's archives (thanks to a friend of his who happened to be a hacker) which led to him finding out about the upcoming raid at the LOV base, but he's Izuku, he KNOWS his dad, he KNOWS the type of man Hisashi is.

So, while the League of Villains location is there, he doesn't goes there. He makes an investigation of his own, finding clues, proof, following people. Using common sense, he finds the Warehouse where his dad is supposed to be.

Only, he doesn't makes it that far. He's scouting the area of Kamino, walking around aimlessly, praying that the raid goes well so the Pros can leave it there and continue pursuing fame so he can go to that same Warehouse and confront his dad and maybe throw a few punches and cry a few tears when all Hell breaks loose.

There's a thunderous tremor around him and the screens lights up and there's All Might, in all his glory (he's not a hardcore fan anymore btw) standing in front of a terrifying villain, and suddenly Izuku is very, very scared.

And so, he watches. His heart is in his throat, ready to be thrown up as his Dad fights against the man he used to look up to. He watches as All Might buries All For One into the ground like an unused toy, and he's a mess, he's crying alongside the other people, but he cries for his dad, for the man that he loved so much, and there's this feeling of bitterness in the pit of his stomach that he wants to ignore so desperately.

So he turns around and starts walking again. He remembers his dad, working with him and helping him to control his quirk, giving him the best hugs of the world, cheering him up when he was feeling like a waste of space. He remembers the loving husband and father that Hisashi used to be and he's feeling really miserable when he stops abruptly and looks up to find Bakugou just a couple of meters ahead of him.

The rest of the rescue squad is there, too. They're looking from Bakugou to Izuku really puzzled because the firecracker they know is eerily silent and this boy is just there, face blank with just a little bit of puffiness in his eyes.

So Bakugou, a witness to all the madness from that night in Kamino, with pent up frustration and anger, goes completely blank with emotions and calls him Deku, demands for answers to questions such as 'the hell are u doin here?' 'are you with them?' 'are you playing hero again, uh, fucking Deku?'

And Deku's just there, overwhelmed by grief, because he lost his dad in what he suspects is national television, and he knows his mom is probably at home, probably saw everything. He knows Inko is just as heartbroken as he is, and that hurts like hell because it's his Mom, his everything, the one person that holds importance in his heart that he has left.

And seeing Bakugou at that exact moment, it's too much, he's emotionally incapable to deal with him of all people at that very moment. So he just. Can't.

He looks at Bakugou, he looks at him, and says "you haven't changed anything, Kacchan" and Izuku completely ignores him, keeps walking as if nothing happened, as if it isn't a blonde pomeranian screaming after him to 'stop looking down at him, you fucking freak'.

(when he makes it home he tells his mom he was in Kamino when everything happened, and Inko starts crying real hard, and Izuku too, and everything is a mess)

After his Dad's defeat, he starts attacking Pros, mercilessly and ruthlessly, but only those who deserves it, those who he thinks have failed at doing their jobs of protecting people.

Tsukauchi is desperate to capture him, wanting to bring an end to the 'Heir of the Underground' as people, mainly villains, are calling him after AFO is brought down and the similarities between AFO and Reprise are pointed out. He knows that if he leaves him on the loose for too long, there's no turning back, Tsukauchi knows what's on the line for him and is afraid FOR Izuku, knows he can become a target later on, or he can take over his Dad's Empire and be worst.

He doesn't know is Izuku, and even if Bakugou is having a crisis over Reprise and everything going on around him (because of course is Deku, it's always been Deku) he can't go and tell them, he doesn't has proof, only memories from when he was a kid and a very obvious dislike of Midoriya Izuku.

So Bakugou buries Izuku and Reprise to the back of his mind and concentrates in his own shit, the internships and the provisional license and that jazz.

(I always saw a lot of hc about how everything changed for class 1A without Deku there. So I'm taking this too and a few others things. Can't remember where I saw them tbh but all credits to their rightful owners)

Not all of them, Class 1A that is, got their license, just a few lucky ones, but a great deal of them failed. They aren't that motivated nor are That strong. USJ changed them, showed them a truth they weren't expecting this early, and losing Iida just reminded them that.

Overhaul Arc it's the same, except that, in the middle of the battle against him, when Mirio was fighting Chisaki and protecting Eri, Reprise showed up and took Overhaul's quirk right after he shoot Mirio.

(Mirio, who had Permeability. Mirio, who had One For All. He loses both of his quirks.)

At this point, and with overhaul newly added to his collection with a few others, Izuku is mostly invincible. The chaotic vigilante he used to be becomes fierce, a force to be reckoned with, so when Tsukauchi hears about Reprise getting overhaul, he warns ALL of the Pros to be careful at encountering him.

The Hero Comission WARNS EVERY AGENCY that, in case of coming face to face with Reprise, they have to flee inmediately or suffer the consequences, which are losing their quirks and having to step down from being pros.

It becomes a really bad situation, with fear striking every Pro present, much more so after losing the Symbol of Peace, which leads to a vulnerability in those afraid of losing everything and leaving unprotected a few places, or outright giving up the title of Pro.

Everything comes down to the fateful meeting of Shigaraki and Izuku.

Shigaraki knows there's malice in Reprise, he knows he felt that pain too when All For One was captured, that's why he's going against Pros now, and he plans to use every ounce of that pain to bring him by his side.

Liability (Reprise) of Lorde was a huge inspiration tbh

[birlcholtz]

Okay, I'll bite. How and why did you learn to code?

HI LIN thanks for biting this is a story that tells you quite a lot about me as a person

so some background: my parents are both in compsci. they're the late 80s, early 90s silicon valley crowd, they've both had their fair share of established companies and startup-hopping, and my brother and i grew up here

my brother is about 5 years older than me and took to coding like a fish to water (like a duck to water??) which is to say he started programming on scratch at the tender age of.... i don't even know, honestly, maybe 9? too young for me to really remember, and he's been a compsci prodigy ever since

but then. then there was me.

now i do love scratch. when i was little i always copied my brother (not in like a cute way, in a 'if he can do that i can do it too' mindset that meant my third grade teacher REALLY struggled to find book recommendations for me that i hadn't already read. since my brother was above his grade's reading level, and i would read whatever my brother read. yeah that's the kind of kid i was/am)

so naturally i did what he did. i programmed on scratch, i did advanced math courses, i was in CHESS CLUB (i am so bad at chess by the way. i am not good at it. let's establish that. i think i beat my dad once and i genuinely don't know if he let me win or not. i never beat my brother so in that respect i failed. but i'm better than my mom so there's that)

HOWEVER. around fourth or fifth grade i was like hey. maybe i want to like... forge my own identity. and not just turn my life into 'do whatever elder brother does BUT BETTER.'

and thus began my campaign to NEVER DO ANY CODING EVER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND WHILE I'M AT IT FUCK MATH

this gets long so there’s more under the cut sjflsghf

there are two problems with this. the first problem is my inherent pride and the fact that, despite my best efforts, i am actually decent at math and too proud to intentionally fuck it up. so i wound up in honors math. that made part 2 of my independence campaign a little difficult.

the second problem is that my parents were just as determined for me to learn to code as i was to avoid anything to do with coding for the rest of my life

(the third problem was actually a serious problem for this goal. and that was that in seventh grade, when i had a required compsci class where we learned basic, i found myself... enjoying it. HORROR OF HORRORS.)

so i was quite vocal about my anti-math stance and my determination to explore other avenues of life, to which my parents responded by listening with bat-ears whenever i talked about my compsci class and/or my love of spreadsheets so that they could jump on it and say 'YOU KNOW, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING IS JUST LIKE THAT, I THINK YOU WOULD REALLY ENJOY IT' whenever i said something remotely applicable

and to which i responded, of course, by plunging ever deeper into performing arts because fuck compsci, except when it's basic, because then i understand everything because of messing around w scratch when i was little and it's easy and i'm ahead of the rest of the class and can stare into space while the rest of them struggle with closing their parentheses (which is not to say i never messed up my parentheses. i totally did)

now, my brother, because he's a nerd, went to compsci summer camps where you'd spend a week or two learning some program or language. he did things like java and c++ and then would come home and use this knowledge for robotics club. like i said. nerd.

but my parents sensed a golden opportunity. namely, 'if we can get birl to go to these camps, she will actually learn programming things (not just being ahead of the class and spacing out in basic), and we'll probably get her to agree since it's only a week and she can do cost benefit analysis'

and, because i CAN do cost benefit analysis, i agreed to that deal. i'd go to a few of these camps, and then we'd agree that i was done with my parentally mandated computer science requirement. i learned some 3-d modeling, i learned to use unity (which involved some c+ as well), and i learned some java, and all was well. the camps were like 5 days long. we mostly worked on self-directed projects so i could do whatever the hell i wanted (and i made some pretty cool maze games if i do say so myself-- one of them in unity and one of them as a text-based game in java)

and.... horror of horrors....... i didn't hate it.

(of course i didn't want to go BACK any more than i had to but i also didn't hate every moment of those weeks)

so we were out of the woods right?

except no. we weren't.

because here's the thing. my high school ALSO had a computer science requirement. we had to take at least a semester. there were 3 levels offered: AP compsci, normal compsci, and then easy compsci (not its actual name) for the people who did not give a single shit

obviously i wanted to take the last one. my parents really wanted me to take AP but were willing to settle for normal. you will notice there was no overlap

i wrangled my way out of taking AP because that was a year-long course and i didn't have space in my schedule (my parents are wonderful in the sense that they didn't want to infringe on my actual interests to force me to do compsci which meant i had LEVERAGE)

but we literally wound up discussing it with the dean of students who was like 'well if you're capable of AP and just not taking it for schedule reasons then easy compsci would probably be boring for you!' which was an unhelpful take, thanks EVAN

but i did get my way by virtue of volunteering with a progressive tech organization in lieu of taking regular compsci, so i took easy compsci (in which i used scratch again, yay nostalgia, and also briefly flirted with html) and also wound up learning to use squarespace which is criminally easy but you can make it look like you're an expert

and all this while i was getting better and better with spreadsheets due to my own individual love for spreadsheets that near as i can tell, nobody in my family shares (my dad does have a lot of spreadsheets but his aren't as detailed as mine and he doesn't include data validation so HA)

all of which (plus my ap calc and stats classes) combines to mean that while i would not be able to just sit down and write you some code, if you give me access to stack overflow and tell me what language it's supposed to be in i can probably figure it out. especially now that i've become familiar with python by accident (well, more by my desire to write fic)

and because now i'm stuck in a rut, my current internship is with another civic tech company and that's probably what i'll wind up doing next summer as well. i don't actually work on software but i do comms which means i need to be able to have conversations with the engineers so i've been learning on the job. i know so much help

SO. with regards to my fic, my parents would both be thrilled because i taught myself some of a new programming language (python) and disappointed because i taught myself some of a new programming language with just stack overflow and some time and all i'm using it for is fic.

but near as i can tell we finished that battle long ago. it was a resounding victory for birl and i continue to expand my technical talents into areas like photo/video editing and CRM tools.

thank you very much *bows*

[riskeith]

HIIII hope you have been well my dearest last airbender hehe. i have so much exciting things to share <333

so first off, i did two wish rolls the other night and guess what? on one roll i got BOTH bennett AND qiqi!!!!!! (the other one was just weapons but 🤷🏽‍♀️) i love them both so much i literally ascended them the second i got them. i still can’t believe my luck. so now my team looks like: traveller, noelle and those two. i’m having a little issue bc i don’t have a long range combat character but i love them all too much to change anything. which means i struggle sometimes maybe if i roll for someone else in the future i might change but rn i’m LOVING them. have you ever had luck like that?

AND i started watching haikyuu again and i forgot how funny it is. i usually don’t laugh out loud while watching things but i was literally chuckling while watching some moments. i’ve only watched 10 eps-ish but i fell in love with it again at the first ep already. i cant believe i dropped it before i’m so stupid.

ok that’s all the updates i had hahaha ! i was like buzzing waiting to tell you lmaidhdhdbd 🥺

oikawa is SO pretty it’s insane. when he showed up i was like yeah.... that’s him. that’s the pretty boy. but then again pretty much everyone is pretty in haikyuu who the hell are we supposed to focus on hehdhd the art style is just that good yk?

ships that have silent (+ points for angry) yearning are just superior. and usually they fall in the enemies/rivals category which is lovely. nothing is finer than watching people struggle with their feelings like mmmmmm... tasty. also as good as rareships can be, popular ships are popular for a reason yk? like canon content isn’t everything ofc but if canon can back it up in some way more people tend to be interested heh

wanna know something super weird? when i consume content i always fall for the stotic bois with angst backstories first but after i finish the shows i always miss the cute happy babies and that makes me obsessed with them? idk it’s crazy like voltron for example keith is literally my favorite character of all time but when i finished voltron i was literally bawling bc i missed lance so much help

well i guess we’re talking about voltron now HAHA 😭 dude s3 was a fucking blessing i can’t believe we got that and they just cut it off cold. the leader and his right hand man dynamic makes me yell to this day 😭😭😭 remember all the scenes where they continuesly reassured each other 😭 the ‘leave the math to pudge’ scene lives in my head rent free no joke dhdnhdbdud... s3 was just them loving each other tenderly and dw stole it from us.. ALSO PLEASE WRITE THEM AGAIN LITERALLY BEGGING 😭 pls 🥺

dude our government doesn’t give a shit we literally have politics traveling around and chilling without masks. they don’t care at all we barely have any restrictions so people don’t care either. it’s a mess here ngl.. :/

can’t wait to hear from u again... mwah!

hi hi!!!! is this gonna end up being 2 replies in one day for you again HAHAHA i’ll try not to disappear after

!!!!!!!!!! QIQI AND BENNETT??!!?!!!!!!!! oh my goodness… oh my goodness!!! i can’t believe you got a 5 star before me fjskskkdd but big deserve 😭😭😭😩😩😩 i’m so happy for you nejdnskamxlxmm holy shit!!!!! that’s so cute tho that’s such a cute team… and big mood!! who cares about team dynamics/fighting styles all that matters is that you like them 😩 but also does that mean you currently have 3 sword users and 1 claymore on your team jdjsndnsm. i also used to not have a ranged fighter on my team but it just got so inconvenient lolol. and no my luck is actual ass :( so often i only roll weapons, and when i do roll charas it’s like. all the base free ones djdkskdk

haikyuu is SO funny!!! everyone’s humour is so >>>> omg they’re just silly boys… are you restarting it from the very first ep? and it’s all good if you dropped it before bc you’re coming back to it now and that’s what matters 😩 keep me updated tho! i’m so excited to hear what you think

HFJDNSKSN sorry i went mia and made you wait chksjs WHICH REMINDS ME!! omg i’ve been meaning to tell you and keep forgetting but i downloaded genshin on my phone last week for my trip and it’s so??? difficult? like mad mad respect to you for being able to play on mobile omg… maybe it’s just bc i was used to pc already but damn.. djsjjs

HAHA yeah just admiring the visuals instead of focusing on the story.. we’ve all been there 😩 sometimes you just gotta rewind and take 48394993 screenshots of the one scene you know? who let them be so gorgeous..

yesssss the mutual oblivious pining is so good.. like they’re enemies to lovers but they’re also IDIOTS to lovers… or my fave headcanon which hurts so bad… the one person (keith) pining for their rival (lance) but it’s unrequited and they’ve just accepted that and are kinda resigned to it but. they just want them to be happy above all else :’) :’(

and honestly you are so right like if the popular ship are foils and have all these parallels between them and a deep backstory and stuff that’s so good too there’s so much food AHAH

omg that’s kinda cute tho.. like once you’re done you enter the honeymoon phase w bubbly outgoing charas.. (speaking of honeymoons when’s ours 🤪) speaking of lance he deserved everything lmao.. he deserves everything PRESENT TENSE!!! wow we are really talking about vld in 2021 huh

LEAVE THE MATH TO PIDGE!!! I AM SCREAMING JUST THIBKING ABLIT THIS TOO!! WHAT THE FUCK DOCYOUCMEAN KEITH. WHY DIDNYOUCSAY IT WITH THAT SMILE. LANCE WHY DIDNYOU SMILE LIKE THAT IN RETURN. LEAVE THE MATH TO- KEITH EXPLAIN??? WHA WERE YOU WDOIDJGNDKDNSKFKDKFNDNNCMS the way that lance went from ‘despising’ keith and hating being beaten by him in everything to SEEKING OUT HIS ADVICE AND COMFORT???? IF THAT ISNT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS like their relationship progressed so so so so so so so so SO much in that one single season… like. i cannot BELIEVE that was real???? no fucking way. like. we were literally so close.. SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!!!!!! my god the trust they had in each other..… LANCE SEEKING KEITH OUT!!! lance accepting keith as the leader before even keith accepted himself EVEN WHEN LANCE HIMSELF SO DESPARATELY WANTED TO BE THE BLACK PALADIN bUT RECOGNISING IT WASNT WHAT THE BLACK LION WANTED AND i have to stop or else i’ll literally never stop typing chskdkdkndcuksncjxjskcoskosnaksj

hhhhhhh i wanna write them sometimes i get hit with the feels SO SO BAD (like just then? LOL) but i haven’t properly written them in so long i feel like i don’t even know how to anymore D; but anyway do you have any prompts? i have so many wips (i have one fic that i said was gonna be my Final klance fic but lmao i’m never gonna finish it at this stage so i guess i’m also not done writing klance? lmao) but after a while i just. have no desire to go back to them anymore fjdjjx so something new might spark my motivation! but also no promises sorry i always say i’ll do shit but never do JEKSKS altho i will try!! i’ll try bust out at least a drabble even if it ends up as an unfinished wip as well lol 😩

oh fucking rip that’s so horrible i’m so sorry you have to deal with that :((( legit it’s so upsetting to see so many governments just. complacent and not caring about this issue at all like?? this is your job? you’re literally meant to be doing all these things to help us right now and you’re just not. which i guess unfortunately also makes sense bc they’re the ones who would suffer least. it’s so frustrating lmaoooo >:(

:***** i’ve stayed up again bc i am Not intelligent fjskdk but i’m looking forward to your response!! goodnight and sweet dreamssss (for when you next sleep LOL) 💗😘

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Back to Haunt Me

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff/Light Angst

Word count: 12301

Summary: Simon Snow hasn't heard from his former roommate in years. So when he gets a call from him, he's equal parts confused and intrigued. Based on "I called you at 2am because I need you" request from @god-themself

Read on AO3

AN: I'm really sorry for how long these requests are taking, oy. Every time I start writing, the fic ends up getting longer and my stupid body decides to crap out and not work. Anyway, here's the latest fic. Hope you enjoy it :)

———————————————

Simon

I’m sitting upside down on my couch when I get the call.

It’s not something I do too often, just when I’m really, really stuck on something. I say that ideas pool in my feet and this lets them trickle down to my head. Penny thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous. She says it will give me headaches, and it does, but it also helps. I’ve been stuck for an hour on coming up with new lessons. This is my last resort.

So I’m laying upside down on my small couch, legs up in the air, face turning a very bright shade of red. My glasses slipped off a while ago, making me essentially blind to anything more than five feet away. My mind is swimming with new ideas for maths games and art projects, the mental images almost swirling past my blurry vision.

And when I’m deep in contemplation a new history Kahoot, my phone blares out my “Toxic” ringtone. (Britney is amazing and haters can fuck off.) I flip up way too fast, making my vision spin like water in a toilet bowl. I paw at my phone while I wobble back and forth. With the combination of my glasses on the floor and blood rushing from my head, I don’t bother to read the caller ID. Or lack thereof.

“Hello?” I say shakily, still clutching my head.

“Siiiiimon,” a low, slurring, strangely familiar voice says. Is a student prank calling me again? Dammit, I thought I scolded them enough.

“Jeremy, if that’s you, this isn’t funny. This is my personal mobile and you-”

“Aw, did you already forget me, Snow?” the person continues, and my heart suddenly freezes. “It hasn’t been that long has it? Only seven years.”

My jaw drops and I sit ramrod straight. Every vein in my body turns ice cold. Holy. Fucking, Shit. “Baz?!”

“Yes, it is I. Good evening, Snow,” he snorts, but there’s still that weird waver to his voice.

“A-Are you drunk?”

“Ding ding, we have a winner in every category,” he giggles. Fucking giggles. I don’t think I ever heard him let out so much as a chuckle in all the years I lived with him. He must be very drunk.

“Um, how did you get my number?”

“Remember when you got mysterious calls supposedly from the Babadook when we were fifteen? Surprise! That was me! Got your mobile off the school registry.”

My mouth falls open even more. “I knew that was you!”

“Duh!” There’s some shuffling on the other end. “Shush! Yes, I actually have him on the line. I’ll get him to come.” He’s definitely not talking to me. He lets out a long sigh. “I’m sorry about that, Snow. Super sorry, for everything I did back in school. So please don’t hang up.”

Admittedly, I was going to. But he sounds so pathetic and drunk, so I stay on. “Alright,” I sigh. “I’m still here.”

“Hooray!” There’s a short stretch of silence. He doesn’t continue, so I have to pipe up again.

“Baz,” I say, “not to be rude, but, uh, why are you drunk calling me? We haven’t seen each other in awhile and it’s...” I scramble to grab my glasses, then look at my wall clock. “After two in the morning. Plus, you like, hate me.”

“No,” he slurs out. He sounds well pissed. “I don’t hate you, Snow. You’re too much of a kind brave hero to hate.”

“Um, thank you?”

He laughs loudly. I’ve heard him laugh more in the last five minutes than I did our entire childhoods. “You’re very, very welcome.”

Again with the silence. I can’t believe I’m the one talking more between us. “So... why are you calling? You wanna catch up or something?”

Baz lets out a long, low groan. For some reason, I imagine him slumping against a wall or something. “I bloody wish. Stupid barkeep won’t let me leave until I call someone to get me and my stupid friends and stupid aunt won’t pick up.”

“So you decided to call me?!”

“You’re the only other person I know who lives in London.”

“Who told you I lived in London?”

“Aggie. Said you had a cute little flat and a cute little cat.” He giggles, and I can almost picture a dopey smile on his usually frowning face. It looks so weird and wrong. “Hey, that rhymes.”

I sit even more upright. “Wait, Aggie? As in Agatha?! Are you two dating now?!”

He scoffs. Now that really reminds me of our school days. “No, Snow, I’m not dating your ex. She’s not my type.”

“That’s rude. Agatha is very pretty.”

“I mean that she’s not a man, Snow.”

My face immediately turns scarlet, and this time not from being upside down. “O-Oh. You’re gay?”

“Once again, duh!”

“Fuck off, you flirted with her all the time!”

“Nuh-uh.” He sounds like a bloody obnoxious American. “Not really. Just did that to piss you off.”

“I’m hanging up,” I growl.

“Wait!” Baz shouts as I move the phone off my ear. “Please don’t hang up, Simon. Fucking hell, I need you.”

I seriously debate actually hanging up. But there’s something in his voice that tugs at my chest. It’s weird and explainable, but it’s there. I slowly bring the phone back to my ear. “You need me?”

“Yeah,” he groans. “I’m drunk as fuck and uh...yeah, I’m still bleeding.”

My pulse goes wild instantly. “Bleeding?! Are you hurt?!”

“Yeah, but you should see the other bloke,” he laughs proudly. “Bartender says if someone doesn’t pick me up and take me home, she’s calling the police to come get me. Doesn’t trust me with an Uber or something.” Baz makes a weird yet familiar sound. Is...is Baz Pitch sticking his tongue out at someone? What the fuck has happened in the last seven years?

“Alright,” I sigh. “Where are you?”

“Yay! I am...” He takes a long pause, which gives me time to rub my aching temple. “Hey, where am I?”

There’s more rustling and some muffled yelling. “He’s at XOYO,” a stern woman’s voice says. “32-37 Cowper St, second floor. We’re closing in an hour so get here soon.”

Before I can say anything else, the phone clicks off. I stay frozen for a moment. My brain is still playing a bit of catch up. So, Baz bloody Pitch has called me out of the blue after seven years, drunk off his arrogant arse, apparently gay, and needs me to pick him up. And now he’s sorry for being a dick to me through our entire time in school? That’s nice. Few years too late if you ask me, but better late than never I suppose.

I look down at all my notes, the ones I have to finish in a few weeks before the new school year. If I were a worse person, I would forget about Baz, finish my lessons, and just go to bed. He’s my former bully, I shouldn’t care. But when I think about Baz, drunk, bleeding, sitting there alone at a bar waiting for me but I never show up, my stomach plummets to the centre of the Earth.

Godammit.

I march towards the door, grab my keys, and set out to fulfill a bad idea.

Turns out this bar is right in the middle of bloody Shoreditch. Which means at this time of night (or morning), there’s lots of closing nightclubs and stumbling drunk people being sick on the sidewalk. Glad I didn’t take the tube.

XOYO is a mostly nondescript red brick building with some black panelling and a neon red sign. I park as close as I can, which is not that close. The stairs up to the club are steep and leave me panting by the end. Bloody hell, I need to get back to the gym. Chasing ten years old is not enough exercise apparently. The bar is one of those hipster places with wooden tables and old Victorian chairs and candles. There’s a few people passed out on tables, snoring with their beer glasses.

“Simon!” a familiar voice shouts from the bar. “Simon, over here!”

I turn to my left too look at the bar, and...wow. After seven years, Baz looks so different, yet so the same. Same sharp cheekbones, same long-ish raven hair, same deep sea grey eyes. He’s broader though, shoulders filling out his blood stained grey dress shirt. Far less gaunt and gangly and vampiric looking than he was in school. The shirt has the sleeves rolled up and the top two buttons undone. Weird. Baz always had his uniform buttoned to collar in school. Then I have to do a double take, because...Baz Pitch is wearing jeans? They’re dark and expensive looking, hugging his legs, which still have a footballer’s strong muscles. He has a big, dopey, drunk grin, which is offset by the small black eye and blood trickling from his nose. It’s unfortunate this is the first time I’ve ever seen him smile.

I walk towards him, hands in my pockets, shoulders nervously hunched in. Why is my heart beating so fast? Bloody hell, calm down, Simon, it’s just Baz. You know him, probably better than most people. He’s an arsehole, not evil. And we haven’t had a physical fight since we were thirteen. Plus it’s been seven years, we’re adults now. He won’t bite. Hopefully.

“Hi Baz,” I say, trying to hide my nerves. “Uh, nice to see you.”

Baz squints at me, and a pang of panic shoots through me. Is there something wrong with my face? Bloody hell, what a cruel twist of fate it would be, to see my childhood enemy after years and have pizza sauce on my cheek.

“Um, Baz, you there?” I weakly wave a hand in front of him.

“Since when do you wear spectacles?” he asks, still slurring his words.

I instinctively touch my wireframe glasses, immediately self conscious. “Oh. Since first year uni. Turns out one of the reasons school Watford so hard for me was that I couldn’t read the board a lot.”

I chuckle awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck. I expect Baz to laugh or mock me like he used to. But instead he grins again, leaning his cheek on his bruised hand. “They look good.”

Why are my cheeks heating up? Must be bad air conditioning. “Um, thanks, Baz.”

He keeps grinning, showing off his sharp bright white teeth. (There’s a good reason I thought he was a vampire.) “Welcome.”

It goes silent again, with me standing awkwardly and Baz grinning. Christ, this is so weird. I assumed I’d never see Baz ever again, let alone drunk and bloodied in designer jeans. I have less of an idea what to do than usual.

“Ugh, finally!” a woman’s voice says to the side. I whip my head around to see who must obviously be the bartender. She’s got a deep scowl on her face and hands on her hips. “You’re Simon Snow?”

“Um, yeah, that’s me,” I reply.

“Good. Please take this arsehole off my hands.”

Baz blows a raspberry at her like a toddler. Bloody hell, he is a weird drunk. The bartender glares and flips him off.

“I’ll get him out of here,” I say.

“Thank you.” She digs under the bar and takes out a sleek black iPhone. “Here’s his phone. Took it from him after he almost dropped it in a beer glass.”

“Alright.” My brow furrows in confusion. “Do you have Baz’s keys? Or does he still have them?”

“He never had them. Searched all his pockets, nothing there.”

“Worst feel up ever,” Baz grumbles.

I rub my aching temple. “Baz, did you really forget your keys?”

He frowns and scratches his head with a bloodied hand. “Hm, yes, I think I did. I left my flat pretty fast. Maybe the super will let me in if he’s awake.”

“Where do you live?”

His brows pull together, bottom lip sticking out in a pout. Now that is certainly an expression I remember from school. It’s his thinking face. I used to glare at him while he studied all the time. “Somewhere...posh, and silver.”

I groan and drag a hand over my face. “Alright then. Well...I guess I’ll bring you to my flat.”

Baz’s jaw drops open and he shakes his head, making his black hair fan out in a strangely majestic way. “No no, you don’t have to do that. I’ll figure it out-”

“No, Baz, you won’t, you’re too pissed to think right now. I’m taking you to my place, no questions.”

He frowns. I can’t tell if he’s sad or angry. “I don’t wanna im-”

“We lived together for years, arsehole. One more night won’t kill you. Come on, get up.”

I grab his bicep and haul him to his feet. Bloody hell, does he work out a lot or something? He’s made of fucking rock. Baz wobbles back and forth and ends up leaning on me. I struggle to keep him upright.

“Baz,” I grumble, “you’re too heavy, I can’t hold you up.”

“Sorry, sorry.” He sort of heaves himself upwards, still wobbling on his feet, but at least he’s standing. That’s something I guess.

“You good?”

Baz sticks out his arms like he’s on a tightrope. “Yeah, I’m alright. Mostly.”

“Good enough. Let’s go.” I look over at the still very annoyed bartender. “Uh, thanks for taking care of him.”

“If you’re really thankful,” she spits, “make sure he doesn’t come back.”

She marches off into the back. Baz flips her off before I quickly pull down his hand. “Enough,” I grumble. “Let’s get you out of here before she smacks you.”

“Kinky,” he chuckles. God, drunk Baz is fucking weird.

Getting down the stairs takes far longer than it should. Baz has to watch his every step so he doesn’t go tumbling down. He’s like a shaky newborn fawn. It would be cute if it weren't so frustrating. Finally, we get to the bottom and I lead Baz by the sleeve towards my car. He laughs loudly when we reach it. I immediately scowl and whip around to face him.

“What?!” I snap, assuming he’s making fun of my old beat up beetle. But instead he has his head tilted upwards, laughing at the sky. Neon club signs and yellow street lights light up his smiling face. He’s like a rainbow constellation, colour reaching every crevice. Huh. Baz has always been pretty, but has he always been this pretty?

“Lights in the sky,” he laughs. “Pretty.”

I groan and tug him hard. “Come on, you drunk prat, hurry up.”

Baz stumbles along reluctantly. I shove into the passenger seat and buckle him up like he’s a bloody eight year old, then take my place in the driver’s seat. Baz is slumping, the seat belt digging into his cheek. If we crash his pretty face is going to get cut open. I debate telling him, but Baz rarely ever listens to me, and I doubt that has changed much.

I turn the engine over. Baz lets out a whoop so loud I jolt. “Allons-y,” he shouts like some deranged adventurer.

“Silence, s’il vous plait,” I reply as I turn on to the road.

“Oo, you speak French now, Snow?”

“Yes. I lived in France for a year, I learned pretty well.”

“Very nice.” For a moment I think he’s mocking me, but his smile is completely genuine, if not a bit drunken. Is it weird that I like drunk adult Baz better than sober teen Baz?

I drive through Shoreditch slowly, making sure not to hit any wayward club leavers. Baz grumbles about the slowness, but I tell him to shut up or I’ll drive us into a pole. That makes him quiet for a little while, thank god. When we hit the main drag, he decides to pipe up again.

“So what have you been up to, Snow?” he asks.

My eyes briefly flick over to him, catching his grin and glazed eyes. I scoff and look back at the road. “Really? We’re going to chit chat about life after Watford?”

“You just want us to sit in silence the whole time?”

“Maybe.”

“Boring,” he groans. “Come on, Snow, it’s been a while. Let’s catch up.”

I chuckle low in my throat. “Yes, I would love to catch up with my plastered childhood bully.”

Baz lets out a pathetic sort of whining sigh. Suddenly, something brushes my shoulder. I jolt away and briefly look over, realising it’s Baz’s hand. He’s pouting in the way his mouth is perfectly made for.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “About all the shit I did. I was a messed up prick at Watford. I’m really sorry I took that all out on you.”

I raise an extremely suspicious eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Really?!”

“It’s been seven years, Snow. Am I not allowed to learn from my mistakes?”

“Well, I mean, yeah, of course. I just didn’t expect it from you...”

“I’m a changed man, Snow,” he declares proudly. “No more picking on other people to avoid dealing with my emotional and family problems.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Wow, you sound like a therapist.”

“That’s because I am a therapist.”

We stop at a red light, giving me a chance to whip my head around in shock. My jaw is firmly on the ground. “You’re a therapist?!”

“Sort of.” Baz grins pointed ear to pointed ear. He offers his hand, though it’s a bit limp. “Dr. Basilton Grimm-Pitch, psychiatrist in training at University College Hospital. Pleasure to meet you.”

I can’t take my hands off the wheel, so I don’t take his, but I smile instead. Baz chuckles as his hand falls, so I think he gets the picture.

“Wow,” I sigh. “You, a psychiatrist. I never would have thought.”

“Me neither, until I took a psychology course in year 10. Then I decided I liked, y’know, mind stuff and shit. It was interesting and challenging. And I could help people with it.”

I scoff, but with a smile. “And you used to call me the overly noble hero.”

“Well, I decided to follow in your golden footsteps, golden boy.” He turns towards me, cheeks squished against the seat. He’s really going to die if we crash. “So really, what have you been up to since Watford, Mr. Hero? Storming castles? Saving damsels in distress? Travelling the world?”

That makes me laugh louder. “You have a way overinflated sense of my heroism.”

He snorts, but it’s not unkind like it used to be. Just sort of amused. “Alright. Then what do you do?”

“I’m, uh, actually a primary teacher. Year six, to be exact.”

“Oh,” Baz breathes out, sounding genuinely amazed. “That’s cool. That makes sense, yeah.”

“Makes sense?”

“You were always helping out the kids in younger years at Watford.”

I chuckle and shrug. “Yeah, guess you’ve got a point.”

“Is it fun? Teaching children?”

“Yeah. I like finding fun ways to teach them stuff. Though it’s not great they get in fights or stuck lego bricks up their noses.”

Baz lets out a barking laugh. It’s a fun, sudden sound. I’ve never heard it before, yet it works well for Baz. “Is that what people mean by ‘the joys of children?’”

“Something like that. Is psychiatry fun?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “But time consuming. Doctors aren’t supposed to have damn lives apparently.”

“Well, good thing you found time to go to a hipster bar”

Everything suddenly gets very, very quiet. It reminds me of when we would study. Backs to each other, no noise, plenty of tension. Did I say something wrong? I used to do that a lot, but I thought I’d gotten better. I’ve learned to chew my words better over the years. But when we stop at a roundabout, I turn to see that Baz is gazing ahead, mouth a thin line and grey eyes lost in the distance.

“Pretty lights,” he whispers in awe, like a child. I guess alcohol does turn adults into children. His nose is still letting out a small trickle of dark red blood. I sigh and shake my head.

“Glove box,” I say.

Baz turns his head to me. “Huh?”

“There’s tissues in the glove box. Your nose is still bleeding a bit.”

“Oh.” He paws at the latch in front of him, floppy drunk fingers struggling to just bloody lift it. I sigh and reach over, lifting it for him. Baz takes out the little packet and flashes me that dopey smile. Why does my chest feel funny? I must be overtired.

“Thanks,” he says, then presses the tissue to his nose. It’s weirdly comforting in its familiarity. I still remember sitting in the headmaster’s office after our fights, covered in bruises and blood, glaring at each other. This is better though. We’re not fighting, in fact we’re being nice. Maybe this is how we could’ve been at Watford. Maybe we could’ve been...friends.

We sit in silence for the rest of the ride. But it’s a comfortable silence, no tension. I like it. A lot. I like all of this better than fighting.

———————————————

I pull into my spot in front of my apartment. Dragging Baz out of the car is a bit of a problem, but luckily my place has a lift, so no more stair problems. He starts leaning on me as we go up to my floor. I use one finger to push him back, and he slumps against the wall. I need to strap him to a dolly.

We go into my apartment, and I instinctively prepare for a snide comment from Baz. Something about it’s size, it’s clutter, the decor. But he says nothing derogatory. In fact, he smiles, brushing his hand against my Van Gogh print and old dining room table.

“You, uh, like it?” I ask. Wait, why does it matter what Baz thinks of my place? I don’t need his approval.

“Yeah,” Baz replies. “It’s very nice.”

There’s a thump from my room, followed by the familiar pitter-patter of tiny paws. Cherry prances into the room, all fluffy tailed and cute. She blinks up at Baz with big green eyes. Baz makes a tiny gasp and gets on his knees, holding his hand out to Cherry.

“Hello, pretty kitty,” he says softly. “Aren’t you an adorable little thing.”

Cherry sniffs his fingers, then immediately nuzzles against his hand. Baz looks absolutely elated, a big childish grin on his face.

“You like cats, huh?”

Baz nods vigorously. “I would have one if my building allowed pets.” He scratches behind Charry’s ear with glee. “What’s this little one’s name?”

“Her name is Cherry.”

“You did love those scones,” he chuckles.

I chuckle as well, fiddling with my shirt sleeve. “Still do. Though none are as good as Cook Pritchard’s.”

“Very true.” He stands up, pulling away from Cherry, and wobbles his way into the sitting room. He stands between my coffee table and ratty old couch. “So may I sleep on that couch?”

I scramble in after him and start piling up my curriculum papers. I don’t want Baz shouting at me for the mess. “Uh, yeah, just lemme fix it up a bit.”

“It’s alright-”

“No, I’ll fix it. And...maybe you should clean up a bit first?”

Baz turns to me with a confused expression. “What?” I sigh and point at is blood spattered shirt. He pulls it in front of himself, like a child who’s spilled food. “Oh, right.”

“There’s stuff on you face too...”

Baz drags a long finger over his cheek, and rubs the dried blood between his fingers. “Good  point.

“You wanna take a shower maybe?”

“Is that okay with you?”

“Uh, yeah. But be warned, I don’t have any of your fancy French soaps.”

He lets out a loud short laugh, like a happy little firecracker going off. “Wouldn’t expect you to, Snow. I doubt you’ve changed that much.”

“Heh, yeah.” I rub the back of my neck, which is getting very hot for some reason. I think I need to fix my fan.

Baz wobbles back towards me. He stands a bit too close, and now that things are calm, I notice how he smells. It’s a mix of liquor, irony blood, and the very faint, familiar scent of cedar and bergamot. Seven years later and I can’t forget that smell. I guess it’s burned into my brain forever. I’m not sure that I mind.

“Where’s the bathroom?” he asks, snapping me out of my olfactory induced daze.

“Oh, uh, down the hall and to your left. There’s towels in the cupboard.”

“Alright.” He sticks his hands in his trouser pockets, a very shy gesture I’m not used to seeing from him. “Thank you. Again. I’m saying that a lot tonight, wow.”

I chuckle and shrug. “I guess so. Now go wash off that awful blood please.”

“Aye aye, Mr.Snow.” He does a mocking little American salute with two fingers. I watch as he half skips his way to the bathroom, trying not to giggle at his ridiculous gait.

The bathroom door shuts, and I let out a long breath. My brain is still playing catch up. I need to sit, relax, just process all this shit. Once I organize my papers into semi-neat piles and close my laptop, I grab a cherry granola bar from the counter and collapse on the couch. I hear the shower turn on. I glance over at the clock. Bloody hell, it’s past 3am, and my enemy is taking a shower in my flat. Well, former enemy, I guess. We’re not fighting anymore. In fact, Baz is being really nice. It’s pretty damn great. I hope we can keep this up.

Cherry jumps onto the couch, startling me from my daze. She immediately curls up on my lap, purring happily. I chuckle as I pet her. Penny jokes that Cherry is my emotional support service cat. Honestly, she’s not wrong. I don’t know what I would do without her.

“Wanna watch Dr. Who, darling?” I coo, scratching behind her ear. “Yes, yes you do.”

I grab the remote and turn on Netflix, going to one of my favourite episodes. We sit there in peaceful silence through the show. I try not to listen to the shower down the hall. I can’t help but worry. What if he slips and hits his head? What if he falls asleep and drowns? What if he tries to eat the bloody soap? All are strong possibilities. But he’s still Baz. He’s too smart and stubborn to die.

As I near the end of the episode, I realise it’s been half an hour since Baz went in. My heart beats double time, every fear racing through my head. (As well as concern for my water bill.) But the sound of water shuts off, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I hear Baz’s unsteady feet pad around the tiled floor. But then there’s rattling and muffled swearing, and I’m on my feet immediately. Cherry meows unhappily and scuttles away.

“Sorry, girl,” I say as I speed walk to the bathroom. I knock on the wooden door. “Baz? You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” his muffled voice replies, but that’s followed by a loud bang. “Bloody fucking hell.”

“I’m coming in.”

“Snow, wait-”

I push the door open and immediately freeze. All the blood in my body goes straight to my face, turning it tomato red. Because Baz Pitch is standing in front of my medicine cabinet with nothing but a towel around his waist. His hair is soaked and messy, falling adorably in front his shocked face. His legs look strong enough to crush someone. Thin rivulets of water drip down his broad, bare chest. I watch them for a few long, drawn out seconds, completely frozen. In our time living together, Baz and I made a point to never see each other without clothes on. Did he even look close to this back at school? Did I just never notice?

“Um...” Baz says, breaking me out of my daze. I whip around, hand cupped over my eyes.

“Bloody hell, Baz!” I shout. “Give a guy some warning.”

“I would have if you hadn’t come bursting in!”

“Well, you took awhile in the shower, then I heard swearing. Excuse me for being concerned.”

“I’m grateful for your concern, Mr. Hero, though not for your usual brashness.”

“Just put some clothes on, please.”

“Very well.”

I listen to Baz shuffle and grumble as I assume he gets dressed. I resist the urge to turn around and check if he can get his legs into his trousers. I’m not sure how drunk he still is.

“You can turn around now, Snow.”

I slowly turn, and my face turns scarlet again. “Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?!”

“Because mine is covered in blood,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Which I guess it is, but still he’s not wearing a shirt. Why are my hands so clammy?

Baz starts sorting through the medicine cabinet. I frown in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for bandages.” He lifts his left hand, showing off his bruised, still slightly bleeding knuckles. “You got any?”

“Uh, yeah. I’ll get it, sit down on the toilet.”

Baz stumbles over and does what he’s told (for once). I grab the first aid kit from under the sink and sit next to him on the edge of the tub.

“Gimme your hand,” I say. Baz holds out his arm, fingers limp. I try not to look freaked out. His skin is black and blue and there are many cuts, still bleeding slowly. “Why are you still bleeding? It’s been like, an hour.”

“My blood alcohol content is high,” Baz replies. “Booze is a blood thinner. Means I’ll bleed more.”

“Oh. That makes sense. Thanks, Mr. Doctor.”

Baz chuckles, a soft smile playing on his mouth. “Dr. Grimm-Pitch will do.”

I laugh as well. I take a towel off the rack and pat his hand dry, then get the antiseptic.

“I just had a shower,” Baz protests.

“Don’t care. We need to make sure you don’t get an infection.”

“I’m fine.”

I pour the clear liquid on a sterile pad. “Still doing it.”

“I’m the doctor here, dammit.”

“The doctor who is still drunk off his arse after a bloody bar fight. So shut up.”

Baz frowns, but doesn’t protest. I lightly pat his cuts. He inhales sharply through his teeth and tries to pull away, but I grab his wrist, holding still.

“Don’t move,” I say.

“It hurts,” he whines like a toddler.

“Yeah, no shit. That’s what you get for getting in a bar fight, idiot.”

He grumbles, but doesn’t move again either. Once I’m satisfied all the cuts are clean, I use another pad to get them dry, then take out the bandages.

“You get injured a lot, Snow?” He’s smirking playfully, not a hint of malice. It’s much nicer than his smug arsehole face.

“No,” I chuckle. “But it never hurts to be prepared.”

“Especially if your former enemy shows up drunk and bleeding.”

Thoughts start racing through my head. Horrible, nervous thoughts. I stop wrapping his hand for a moment, but quickly start again. Unfortunately, Baz notices.

“Something on your mind, Snow?” he asks.

I chew on my bottom lip as I secure the bandage. I gesture for Baz to give me his other hand, and he does. I slowly pat on the antiseptic and he doesn’t move at all. Slowly, I look up, and I meet Baz’s deep sea eyes. He doesn’t look mad or annoyed, just concerned. So am I.

“Baz,” I sigh, “you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. And considering you’re a bloody doctor now, I doubt that’s changed. So I’m absolutely astounded at how you could get so drunk and end up in a bar fight.”

Baz’s thin lips press together, and I watch his throat bob in a gulp. He leans his elbow on the sink, propping his cheek on his fist. “Snow,” he says slowly, “what do you know about my mother?”

My blood turns ice cold. I stop with the bandage completely, just looking at Baz. “Uh, not much. I know she died a long time ago. And...it was at Watford...”

Baz nods slowly. “Yes, that’s what everyone knows. But what most people don’t know is that I was there.”

And now my heart completely stops. My mouth falls open slightly. Baz’s face stays completely neutral. “You...you were there?”

“Yeah.” He leans harder on his fist. “I was sitting with the rest of the kids in the Watford nursery. Suddenly a group of men with knives burst in. They started to come after the nannies and the children. But that’s when my mother showed up with her hunting rifle. My father insisted she have it for protection when he wasn’t there. She got all of the men immediately, including the one holding me. She hit him in the shoulder so he dropped me. Another man charged her while she was distracted, and she shot him in the chest, but not before...” Baz rubs his eyes and the bridge of his nose, like I do when I have a headache. “Not before he stabbed her in the neck. She bled to death in seconds.” He drags his hand down his face. “I fell unconscious after that. When I woke up, my father and aunt were tending to my wounds, and my mother was gone. I was young, it’s all a bit hazy, but I remember enough.”

I’m left in stunned silence. Baz doesn’t say anything either, just rubbing his head. He’s not crying, but he looks on the verge of tears. I don’t blame him. I can’t believe it, can’t believe Baz went through that and no one ever knew. It’s just terrible.

“Wow,” I finally say, “that’s...wow.”

Baz chuckles quietly. “Yeah, that about sums it up.”

“I never knew that happened...”

“No one did, Snow. All the gruesome little details were kept under wraps. It would’ve been terrible if anyone found out Natasha Grimm-Pitch died in such an undignified way that traumatized her heir.”

His voice is mockingly scathing, even with his slightly slurred speech. He’s a mix between furious and mournful. I don’t understand how he feels, but I don’t think I ever could. I may never have had parents, but that’s a far cry from watching your’s die.

“I don’t know how much it means, but I’m sorry that happened to you Baz.”

The corner of his lip quirks up into a small half smile. “Thanks, Snow.”

I start wrapping his hand again, and my brow furrows. “So, uh, what does this have to do with you getting drunk and fighting? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Baz takes a deep inhale through his nose, and lets out the air through his mouth. “My mother was killed twenty years ago today.”

“O-oh. That...yeah, that makes sense.”

“Mhm. I’ve lived with it for most of my life, but this anniversary hit me harder than I expected. I had my first day off in months, so after some mindless telly, I went to that bar. Gave the bartender my card and told her to keep the tequila coming. First mistake.”

“Second one was getting in a fight?”

“Yeah, definitely.” He flexes his bandaged hand. “It was just some arsehole looking for trouble. He kept prodding at me and shoving my shoulder until I snapped. I don’t even remember what he said. I was just so angry and sad and drunk. And that arsehole was right there” He groans loudly and rubs his head. “One of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.”

“Probably. But you made one good choice.”

“Oh?”

I finish bandaging his other hand and smile at his mopey face. “You called me.”

His mopeyness melts away as he lets out a breathy laugh. Our eyes meet, and his are glinting in a way I’ve never seen before. “Yeah, I guess that was a good idea.”

We smile at each other. Something tugs in my chest, something I don’t fully understand. I’ve never felt anything like this. Maybe I’m just overtired.

Baz flexes his bandaged hands. I put the first aid kit under the sink again. Baz stands and presses a hand to his bruised eye. hissing between his teeth. “Got any ice packs, Snow?” he asks.

“Oh, yeah,” I reply. “It’s in the kitchen, c’mon.”

We walk towards the kitchen. I open the freezer and pull out my reusable ice pack. Teaching a bunch of children can result in some bad headaches. I wrap it in a napkin and hand it to Baz. He presses it to his eye with clenched teeth. As he leans back against the counter, I remember he’s not wearing a shirt.

“Uh,” I say, “those jeans don’t look comfortable. I’ve got some spare pyjamas. Want me to get them?”

Baz nods. “Yeah, that would be good, thanks.”

“Alright, stay here.”

I go to my bedroom, wading through the laundry I have to do tomorrow to get to the dresser. It takes awhile for me to find something that will probably fit Baz. Damn his extra four inches, always so infuriating. I eventually pick out some trackies and a long Chicago Cubs shirt. It’s all I’ve got. I go back to the kitchen, and come upon a strange scene.

“Baz,” I say slowly, “what are you doing?

Baz looks up from the messy, cutlery covered counter, still pressing the ice pack to his eye. He lifts a plate with two pieces of bread, both half covered in marmite. “Making a marmite and cheese sandwich. You want half?”

His expression is so innocent, not a hint of the old malice I used to know. I let out a sigh. “Sure. Let me get the cheese.”

He grins and goes back to slathering on marmite. I pull my sliced sandwich cheese from the fridge. Hope Baz doesn’t mind cheap Tesco brand swiss. I bring the package to the counter, and Baz takes out a slice without even looking. Guess he’s not as snobbish about food as he used to be. He cuts the sandwich into two slightly lopsided triangles and swans out to my dining room. I follow behind with the pyjamas.

Baz sits in a chair, leaning back with his legs spread out. I sit across from him, placing the clothes on the table. Baz snatches it. It unfolds and his brows pull together.

“You a baseball fan now, Snow?” he asks.

I chuckle and shake my head. “Nah. Micah definitely is though.”

“Who?”

“Remember that American exchange student from fourth year?”

“The short nerd with large glasses?” His voice is muffled as he struggles to put on the shirt. Drunk Baz doesn’t get along with t-shirt holes.

“Yeah, that’s one way to describe him I guess. He and Penny started dating then and have been together ever since. She lives in America with him now.”

Baz’s eyes light up. “Oh, that’s wonderful. How is Bunce? I miss facing off with her in debate club.”

“She’s doing well. She’s got a job as an assistant professor in Chicago and loves American food. I just saw her a few weeks ago on vacation.”

“Marvelous. Tell her I say hello next time you speak to her.”

“Will do.” We both take one half of the marmite-cheese sandwich. Baz takes a huge bite, followed by a happy groan. I can’t tell if he’s drunk hungry or actually hungry. Probably somewhere in between. I take a bite as well. There’s far too much marmite, but it’s four in the morning. Right now anything tastes good.

Thinking of Penny makes me think of Watford. And something else, or more accurately someone else, pops into my head.

“Hey,” I say through the marmite, “you said you talked to Agatha earlier. How are you two still in contact? She cut off almost everyone after Watford. I didn’t start talking to her again until a year ago.”

Baz quickly chews and swallows. “Funny story there. I did a semester abroad in California and ended up in the same biology class as Agatha. It was extremely awkward at first. But once we sat down over coffee and sorted stuff out, we bonded very quickly. Similar upper class British family problems and expectations.”

“Oh. That’s makes sense I guess. It’s nice you guys talk.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty good.” He chuckles, mouth gummed with marmite. “The weirdest part was telling her I’m gay. I apologised for leading her on, and you know what she did?”

I lean over the table, genuinely enraptured. “What?”

“Laughed her fucking arse off for ten minutes straight.”

I snort so hard I nearly shoot sandwich out my nose. Baz throws his head back laughing. He’s so loud he might disturb my neighbours, but I don’t care. His laugh is too incredible.

“Just like that,” he giggles, calming down.

“So she wasn’t mad?” I ask.

“No, not at all. She admitted she wasn’t really into me. She was just rebelling against her parents. We both sympathised on that front.” He sighs and leans back even more. “That’s all I wanted at Watford, really. I was under so much pressure to be the perfect son. I seriously considered yelling ‘fuck it’ and doing whatever I wanted.”

I sigh too, putting my cheek against my palm. “Yeah, I understand that. Mr. Mage put a lot of pressure on me. He wanted to prove to the Watford board that scholarship students were worthwhile, and since I was Watford’s very first scholarship kid, I had to be perfect. Every time I got a low grade he would yell at me for an hour.”

“What a prick,” Baz grumbles.

I chuckle as I nod slowly. “Yeah, total prick. Watford wasn’t an easy place to be.”

Baz slowly lowers his sandwich, looking pointedly at the plate, and therefore not me. My heart speeds up. Did I say something wrong? Did I piss him off by accident? I do that a lot. And I definitely used to do that to Baz.

“What is it?” I ask.

“I don’t mean to pry,” he says carefully. “And maybe this is me still being pretty drunk. But...I saw something in your medicine cabinet.”

I squint, trying to think what could be so concerning. “Saw what?”

He fiddles with his still damp hair. It’s an old nervous habit I recognise from finals studying. “A bottle of citalopram. I’m a future psychiatrist, I know what that medication is usually for...”

My stomach drops out. I freeze with the sandwich still in my hand. “Oh,” I squeak.

“Yeah.” He leans closer, eyes round and sympathetic. “I’m sorry I looked. And...I’m sorry if I had any part in your need for it-”

“No no, Baz.” I shake my head, leaning forward as well. “You don’t have to. It’s not your fault, it’s not anyone’s in particular, really. It’s stupid chemicals misfiring in my brain. You’re a doctor, you know that.”

“Yes, of course I know that, Snow. But I also know my incessant arsehole behaviour for seven years probably didn’t help.”

I shrug, leaning back again. “Probably. And I bet me insulting you and punching you in the face all the time didn’t help your mental health either.”

He smiles and laughs again. He looks better when he laughs. “Okay, good point.”

“Exactly. So let’s agree neither of us need to apologise. We’ll let the past be the past, move on from here.”

“So you mean a truce?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I reach out my hand. “Truce.”

Baz smiles and clasps his hand with mine. His skin is just as rough and cold as I remember it being back at school. But even after we pull apart, my skin still feels warm.

“Just so we’re even,” Baz says with his mouthful, “my favourite antidepressant was cipralex. I went off it a few months ago because it started making me too drowsy, but it worked well for years. Citalopram made me far too ill. When I first tried it, I ended up vomiting in a bloody bedpan.”

I burst out laughing. And Baz’s grin outshines the sun.

We finish our sandwiches together. Baz complains that his mouth tastes like a rubbage heap. Apparently the combination of old tequila, Tesco cheese, and marmite creates a truly awful flavour. I give him an unused toothbrush from the dentist. He goes into the bathroom and soon emerges with clean teeth and wearing my trackies. I’m back on the couch with Cherry in my lap.

“You tired?” I ask.

“Not really,” Baz replies. “Late hospital shifts have turned me into an insomniac.”

“Wanna watch some Dr. Who?”

He throws himself down next to me, long arm stretched out over the back of the couch behind me. “Sure.”

I switch to a new episode. It’s a standalone, so Baz won’t be too confused. But he still asks incessant questions. Who’s this, what’s that, how the everloving fuck can they do that and survive? No wonder he’s a doctor. He’s perfect at looking for answers, no matter how annoying he is. Eventually I have to threaten to duct tape his mouth to get him to shut up. He huffs, crosses his arms, and sinks down further.. His head ends up on my shoulder. Despite my shorter neck length and Baz’s naturally long face, his head fits perfectly in the crook of my neck. Like it was made to be there. Wait, where did that thought come from?

The credits roll, and I notice a quiet whistling noise. I turn my head to the side. Oh. Baz is asleep. His eyes are softly closed and his lips are slightly parted. I’ve seen Baz sleep before of course, but this is different. Baz had nightmares throughout our entire time at Watford. (So did I.) I don’t think he’s having one now though. There’s no thrashing or whimpers. I’ve never seen Baz look so...peaceful.

“Baz,” I whisper. He doesn’t respond at all. “Baz,” I say louder, jerking my shoulder a bit.

“Ugh,” he groans, “let me sleep in, Daphne, it’s summer.”

“I’m not your step-mum, Baz.”

He cracks one eye open. “No, you’re really not, Snow.”

“Yeah. You wanna go to bed?”

“Mm, yeah.”

“Okay.” I slowly get up, easing Baz off my shoulder. I gently lower him onto the couch. The bottom half of his face hangs off the arm. Yeah, he’s going to need a pillow. I go to my bedroom and grab a pillow and blanket. I also make a stop by the bathroom for some aspirin and make another at the kitchen for some water and a bowl, in case he’s sick. I would prefer not to clean vomit out of my carpet.

Baz is still awkwardly pressed against the sofa arm, drooling slightly. Who would’ve thought I’d see the day Baz Pitch drooled in his sleep? I wouldn’t have. Not in a million years. But apparently tonight is a time for new things.

I place the bowl, water, and aspirin on my coffee table. Slowly and carefully, I lift Baz’s head and fit a pillow under it. I drape the blanket over his annoyingly tall body. His arm hangs like a limp noodle off the side. I sigh, kneeling down to tuck it back in.

Out of nowhere, I feel long, rough fingers touching my cheek. My whole body locks up in shock. Slowly, I raise my head, and I meet Baz’s half open grey eyes and soft smile.

“Uh, Baz?” I say, not sure what else I can.

“You’re still so beautiful,” he whispers. My eyes widen and every nerve in my body is filled with...something? Fear, nerves, an absolute sense of what the fuck? I can’t tell.

“W-What?”

Baz’s hand moves lower. His thumb traces just under my bottom lip. Why does my skin feels like it’s fire? “Your face, it’s still really pretty.”

I let out a nervous chuckle. “Uh, I guess you’d know. You punched it enough.”

He laughs softly. His hand falls, pulling back under the blanket, and his eyes slip shut. “Wish I had kissed it instead.”

I don’t even have time to respond to that, because Baz is asleep in an instant, snoring quietly once again. I’m frozen in place. My jaw is slack. Baz would tell me I’m going to catch flies. Baz, who’s sleeping right in front of me, who wished he had kissed me? My brain can’t process this. I’m like a computer with an eternal blue screen. This does not compute, cannot compute, fuck fuck fuck.

There’s only one thing I can think to do.

I grab my phone, rush to my room, and close the door. Cherry is already curled up on her side. The second I’m sitting on the mattress, I click Penny’s contact.

“Hello?” Her voice immediately calms me down.

“Hi, Pen,” I say.

“Simon?! Bloody hell, isn’t it like four in the morning in London?”

I look over at my clock. “Uh, yup, just about.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but why are calling me at four AM?”

I sigh and flop backwards. “Pen, you’re not going to believe who is sleeping in my living room right now.”

“Who? The Doctor? Boris Johnson? The Queen of England>

A laugh bubbles from my mouth. “Nah, even weirder.”

I can almost hear Penny’s face pinching together in confusion. “Who?”

“Baz Pitch.”

She gasps loudly. “What?! As in Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch? That Baz Pitch?!”

“You think there’s another Baz Pitch in existence?”

“Yeah,” she sighs, “good point. So why is your arsehole former roommate sleeping on your couch?”

I rub the bridge of my nose. It doesn’t help. I’m not sure anything can help now. “That’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.”

I sigh, and start spinning my insane tale. From the call to the bar to my flat, how Baz and I talked and became friendly and made a weird truce over cheese and marmite. I try to say everything quickly yet accurately. Penny barely makes a noise as I talk. I can’t tell if she’s shocked or contemplative. Probably both, honestly. I can’t blame her. The more I talk, the more completely nuts it all sounds. I’m living in a bloody sitcom.

“And then,” I say, “he held my face, said I was beautiful, and that he wished he had kissed me instead of punching me!”

“Wow,” Penny gasps. “That’s...a lot.”

“I know right? I’m so confused and I have no idea what the fuck to do!”

“Okay. What do you want to do though?”

I rub my very aching brow. “I don’t know, Pen. It’s so weird. Like, is this something he’s just realised or has Baz always felt this way?”

“Probably the second one.”

I bolt upright, brows knitted together. “Wait, really? You think so?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“But why?!”

“Well, Baz has always been very obsessed with you. He would go out of his way to be around you.”

“Yeah, to torment me,” I grumble.

Penny lets out a sigh. “Yes, he did. But as you told me, Baz said he picked on you because he couldn’t deal with his emotional issues. One of those issues certainly could have been romantic feelings for you.”

“Then why didn’t he just say something?!”

“Because he was the gay son of a conservative upper class British family, which probably wasn’t easy to deal with. Plus, his father and aunt hated the idea of scholarship students, also known as you.”

My righteous anger fizzles out like a dying campfire, shoulders slumping as I fall back against the headboard. “Oh. Yeah, that’s a good point. Still shouldn’t have been a snob and a bully.

“No he shouldn’t have. It was probably half poor coping and half trying to get your attention.”

“Like a boy pulling a girl’s pigtails?”

“I guess.”

“That’s a stupid and sexist way to handle a crush. I tell my students that all the time.”

Penny sighs. “Yeah, of course it is. But I’m pretty sure Baz knows that, at least now. He’s sorry for what he did. It seems like he’s gotten a lot better.”

“Yeah.” A smile creeps across my face without thinking. It just feels natural. “He’s gotten a lot nicer. He’s not the perfect, pretty, unfeeling arsehole I thought he was. And he’s funny, at least when he’s drunk. We had a pretty great time .”

I laugh quietly, but Penny’s is far louder. She sounds like she’s muffling her giggles. I frown a bit. “What’s so funny, Pen?”

“Oh,” she keeps giggling, “I think I’ve just realised something, and it’s hilarious.”

“Realised what?”

She takes a few deep calming breaths while my anxiety just climbs. “Simon,” she says kindly. This is the way she used to speak while explaining our complicated maths homework. “Hear me out, but I don’t think Baz is the only one who feels something.”

“Huh?”

“I think you have at least a few romantic feelings for Baz.”

“What?!” I shout far too loudly, and I worry I’m going to wake up Baz. I crouch inward, like I’m hiding, but I’m not really sure what. Baz? Penny? Myself?

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I hiss.

“Hear me out,” Penny says. “I’m saying that based on the evidence, you may have latent romantic feelings for Baz Pitch.”

“What evidence?!”

Penny lets out a low chuckle, like a super villain who’s plan has come to fruition. “Let’s see. Number one: back at Watford, you spent 99% of your time thinking about, talking about, or being with Baz. I had to put a limit on how much you were allowed to talk about Baz, remember?”

“Yeah, because he was bugging me,” I mumble.

“Number two: when you talked about Baz, it was always about how annoyingly pretty, smart, and graceful he was. You hated him, yet you had so many nice things to say.”

“Well he was perfect and it was annoying!”

“Number three: During the entire time you dated Agatha, you paid far more attention to Baz than you ever did to her.”

“T-That’s not true!” Though, looking back...fucking hell, it might actually be true.

“Number four: even though you hadn’t seen him in seven years, you dropped everything at two AM to go pick up his drunk arse from a bar.”

“It was the right thing to do!”

“Number five: you just gushed about how much you like Baz now and that he’s fun to be around. And I bet you were smiling.”

“No.” I think my cheeks are turning red.

I hear some rustling, and I think Penny is leaning forward in her chair. I can almost see her kind face in front of me. “Simon, I don’t want to push anything on you, but I also want you to really think about this. I know you hate to analyse things but it’s necessary right now. Maybe it could lead to something good.”

I tug on my hair, trying to distract myself. “I don’t know about that, Pen.”

“I know. Doesn’t even have to be romantic, maybe a good friendship. You could use more friends. And I’m not saying you have to jump his bones tomorrow.”

“Penny!” Now I’m definitely blushing.

She laughs uncontrollably, snorting every once in awhile. I cover my blushing face and groan. “Oh, I’m only joking, Si,” she says. “But I’m serious, don’t shut it down. Think about it. Baz is nice now, maybe it could work.”

“Why are you so desperate to set me up with my former enemy?”

“Because you haven’t been on a date or made new friends since first year uni. And I haven’t heard you this happy about being around someone in years.”

I hate to admit it, but she’s right. I’ve had more fun with Baz in one night than I have in ages. I enjoyed talking to him. I enjoyed laughing with him. I’m glad he’s asleep in the next room, where I can make sure he’s okay.

“You may have a point,” I say.

“Of course I do.”

I roll my eyes, just like she does. “Yeah, yeah, we’ve always known you’re smarter than me.”

“Mhm. And in my smart opinion, you need to go to bed.”

“Will do.” I flop backwards. The pillow feels heavenly on my head. “Thanks, Pen. I’ll talk to you later.”

“You better. Night, Si.”

I smile, and I hope she can hear my love and gratitude over the phone. “Night, Pen.”

The phone clicks off. I let it fall to the side. I am 0.2 seconds from passing out, even with so much still on my mind. I plug in my phone and turn on my side. I pull Cherry close to me. She curls around my hand like usual. When I close my eyes, all I see is raven hair, deep sea grey eyes, and a smile I never knew was there before.

———————————————

“Bloody fucking shit!”

I wake up with a start, clutching my sheet. Late morning sunlight is bleeding through the gap in my curtains. There’s muffled banging on the other side of my door. It’s like a very clumsy little rhino is moving through my flat. But I know exactly who it is.

I grab my glasses and slowly walk down the hall, peeking around the corner. It’s weird to sneak around my own apartment. I see a familiar long, lithe back, bent over as he struggles to get his struggles to get his oxfords on. He keeps wavering side to side like a branch in the wind.

“Good morning,” I say nonchalantly.

Baz whips around so fast he nearly topples over, stumbling to the side. He looks even more disheveled than last night, hair extremely tangled from sleeping on it wet, bruise worsening under his eyes, and bloodstained shirt buttoned wrong. He looks absolutely shocked to see me, which is odd, considering this is my flat.

“Um,” he says, shakiness in my voice, “good morning, Snow.”

“Leaving so soon?”

“Uh, well, yes, I suppose.”

I lean against the wall with my arms crossed. “So you were going to go and what? Leave me a thank you note like some bad teen movie?”

He probably thinks I don’t notice, but I see him crumple up and shove something in his back pocket. “No. I-I would’ve texted you my thanks.”

“Because that’s so much better.”

Baz looks down in shame, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I know. It’s just...I didn’t want to make things awkward after last night. I’m truly sorry for the way I acted and imposing on you.”

“It’s okay.” I walk forward, hands in my trackie pockets. “I know you were pretty drunk, but, what do you remember from last night?”

Baz looks up, but still doesn’t meet my eyes. “I remember, being upset, going to the bar, getting in the fight, and the bartender screaming colourful obscenities at me.” That makes him laugh a little. It still sounds so nice. “Then I called you, you came and you had glasses. We drove to your place. I had a shower. You tended to my wounds like some war nurse.”

I giggle, nodding in complete agreement. “Yeah, I definitely did do that.”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Then uh, we ate sandwiches, watched Doctor Who, and I assume I fell asleep.”

“Okay.” I draw out the last syllable on purpose, making my doubt extremely clear. “That’s most of it, but you’re missing a few key parts.”

“Am I?” He’s trying to sound confident, but I know Baz, and I can hear a waver in his voice.

I start walking closer. “Mhm. You’re missing the parts where you apologized for being a prick in school, called my flat was good, liked my cat, said you drank because it was the anniversary of your mother’s horrible death, talked about your experience with antidepressants.” I’m only a few feet away from him now, looking him right in his pretty. “And, the part where you said that you wished you had kissed me back at school instead of punching me.”

With his complexion, it’s hard to tell when Baz is blushing. But I can see it. Scarlet creeps down from his cheeks to his long neck, eyes locked on me in stun.

“Oh,” he squeaks. “I see.”

“You really don’t remember all that?”

He rubs his brow. “Well, maybe, it’s just...fuzzy.”

“But was it true? Did you like me back at Watford?”

He visibly gulps, then looks at the floor again. He looks incredibly embarrassed and ashamed. “Yes,” he says, like he has to force himself to say it. “Yes, it’s true.”

I let out a long breath, half from relief, half to calm myself down. Okay. It’s true. Baz had feelings for me. All through school, all that time, Baz was pining after me from afar. And I never knew. Not a bit. But I think that was the idea.

“Alright,” I say.

Baz lifts his eyes slightly, cocking one eyebrow. “Alright? Is that all you have to say?”

I shrug high then drop my shoulders low. “I don’t know what else to say. That’s all. It changes a lot of things I assumed in school.”

“I bloody well hope so.” His voice is lighter, trying to lift the mood, trying to make this even slightly less than horribly awkward.

“So,” I say drawing out the o, “when, uh, did it start? You feeling like...that.”

If Baz’s blush could get any worse, I think it just did. He plays with his sleeves, his buttons, his hair, obviously looking for a distraction. “I realised it when I was 15. But I think, it started almost since we met.”

That hits me hard. The first year we met, I wore ratty old clothes and was essentially nonverbal. Baz saw me like that, a dirty silent little orphan kid, and he already liked me. He didn’t show it, but only because he couldn’t. He cared about me, even then. Even when so few truly did.

“Huh,” I say stupidly. “That’s a long time.”

He lets out a scoffing chuckle. “No shit, Snow.”

“That makes me feel even more sorry for being a prick to you in school.”

Baz shakes his head very quickly. “No, no, don’t apologize. I was a prick to you first. I just...” he sighs, rubbing his forehead. “In my family, I wasn’t supposed to be gay, let alone have feelings for someone they hated. I lashed out and hurt you because I was hurting. It was wrong.”

He sighs and sits down heavily on the couch. He looks so forlorn and ashamed, head hanging forward, his hair like a curtain. All the guilt seems to be pushing down on his shoulders, making him slump. Penny was right, as usual. But to hear it from Baz, to see him like this, it tugs on my heart. Like that time I caught him drunk in front of his mother’s grave when we were fifteen, or twice last night. He’s grown a lot and gotten happier, but a small part of Baz is still that sad kid, I guess.

Slowly, I walk towards him and sit down. Before I can think too much, I reach out and touch his hand. Baz’s head snaps up, completely terrified and shocked. Yet, he doesn’t pull away. One by one, I slip my fingers between his. Baz’s skin is such a strange contrast. My palm touches the smooth back of his hand, while fingers trace tiny rough ridges. It feels...really good.

“Hey,” I say quietly. “I know it’s been awhile, but what do you think about me now?”

I look him in the eye. I can see the way his lips shift, feel how his hand twitches. I wish I could hear what he’s thinking right now. He stays silent, so I decide to jump in.

“Well, let me start. I know what I think about you. I think,” I move closer, “that you’re kind, funny, smart, and still annoyingly gorgeous.” That makes his eyes widen ever so slightly. “And now I also know that you’re incredibly strong. That you struggled and mourned and came out okay. I mean, you’re a bloody doctor who’s going to help people work through their own problems. That’s amazing.”

Baz looks so shocked, probably both at my words and my coherency. I’ve gotten a lot better at speaking over the years. I’m so glad for that right now. “You really think all that, Snow?”

I smile and nod. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve always found you annoyingly amazing. Now it’s just not so annoying anymore.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Is it so hard to believe?”

Baz presses his lips together for a split second. “Honestly, yes. We hated each other for years, fought like cats and dogs. I assumed I had ruined any chance of that changing.”

“Well,” I move even closer so our thighs press together, “you didn’t. Because I like this.”

“What is this?”

“This!” I gesture wildly between us. “What we’re doing right now. I like this, I like you.”

He looks so shocked, yet there’s a twinkle of happiness too. “Like me how? As...a friend?”

And he calls me oblivious. I squeeze his hand again. “That depends. I know it’s been a long time, so have your...feelings about me gone away?”

Baz stares at me, studying my face. I just watch his eyes roam over me again and again. Then he reaches forward and delicately places his hand on my cheek, just like last night. Except it feels more purposeful. And so much better.

“No,” he says quietly, “they haven’t gone away. I don’t think they ever could.”

My body feels so light and happy and indescribably full. I’ve never felt like this before. Not with anyone. It’s hit me so suddenly, yet it feels so right. I’m grinning, I can’t stop grinning.

“Okay,” I say. “I feel the same.”

Baz’s hand falls, touching my arm. He raises a perplexed eyebrow. “Okay, but since when?”

I shrug, which makes Baz roll his eyes. “I’m not sure. All I know is that I do. That’s what really matters, right?”

He sighs. His hand moves up and down my arm. I can’t tell if he’s studying me or trying to hold on. “I suppose, yes.”

“Exactly. So why don’t we give it a shot?”

“What are you saying, Snow?”

“I’m saying I want to be your boyfriend.” Baz’s lips falls open and hand slips slightly down my arm. I hold onto him tighter. “Like, fair warning, I’m not a great boyfriend. I forget things, I’m super clumsy, and I haven’t dated anyone seriously since Agatha, so my experience is limited. But I like you. And I’m not asking for something serious right now, I just want to give this a try. Do you maybe want to?”

Baz’s face is such strange, confusing mixture. His brows are tense and pulled together. They scream worry and doubt. His thin beautiful lips hang open is absolute disbelief. But his eyes, a mix of dark blue and dark green, are filled to the brim with hope.

“I’m a doctor,” he blurts out.

“Um, yeah, I know,” I reply, trying not to laugh.

He shakes his head violently. “No, you don’t understand. I’m a medical resident. I’m at the hospital almost every day. I have barely any free time, and if I do I use it to sleep. And I don’t have much experience either. I’ve had two semi serious relationships that both ended in flames. I’m terrible at everything relationship related, probably even more than you, Snow.”

Baz looks so frantic and scared, but he’s hanging on to my hand. In spite of harsh realities, he doesn’t want to let go. I think he’s expecting me to admit defeat and walk away. But what he doesn’t seem to get, is that I don’t want to let go either.

I move closer, and cup his face this time. Baz instinctively leans into it. “You called me Simon before.”

He lets out a bursting laugh, sudden and unwanted. He immediately calms down, but there’s a little smile there. “Really? That’s what you care about?”

“Yeah. Because I like hearing you say it, and I like this. So,” I squeeze his hand again, “I want to try, no matter the risks. We’ll just deal with the rest later.”

He gives me a doubtful expression. “That’s your solution? Put off thinking about the problems we may face?”

“Yup. Because I want this, you want this, and that’s all that matters.”

“I guess...”

Stupid bastard still overthinks everything. I don’t want his mind far away, I want it right here with me. I brush my thumb over the soft skin of his cheek. “Plus, I’d rather focus on other things right now.”

“Oh? What things?”

“Well, more a question.” I deliberately move my hand lower, tracing under his bottom lip. “You said you wished you had kissed me when we were in school.”

He gulps. I watch his Adam’s apple bob slowly. “Yes, I did.”

“So, do you still want to kiss me?”

His eyes flick down, just for a moment. I can feel his hot breath on my face. “Yes.”

I smile, leaning close so our noses brush. “Then do it.”

Baz doesn’t ask for anymore assurance. He just leans forward, pressing his mouth to mine. And my mind completely implodes.

His lips are colder than Agatha’s, than anyone’s really. It’s like kissing a soft autumn breeze. Just chilly enough to send shivers over your skin. Yet when he takes my bottom lip between his teeth, I melt completely, leaning closer and wrapping my arms around his neck. He clutches my sides, hanging on with a death grip. Like he never wants to let me go. (I wouldn’t mind that.) It’s an awkward position, but I couldn’t care less anymore. I run my hand through his hair. It’s soft and slips through my fingers, just like I thought it would. I clench my fist and push his face into mine. I more feel him groan than hear it. He bunches my shirt in his own fists. I like him here, under my hands, not off being sad or drunk, where I know he’s okay. I’ve got you know, Baz, I’m not letting go.

From that first press of our lips, I know I want this. Baz feels perfect and wonderful. I want to kiss him forever. It’s strange, to have something you never knew you wanted before, and suddenly need to hang onto it forever.

We both pull apart at relatively the same time, flushed and out of breath. Baz’s eyes flutter open. His pupils are blown incredibly huge, and his lips are swollen and pink. I think mine are too, at least it feels like they are. I’ve never felt so elated from just one kiss. I’m sure I never will again.

“Wow,” I breathe out.

Baz lets out a breathy laugh, so quiet and sweet. “Very eloquent.”

I chuckle too, twisting a strand of his hair. “Yeah, well, that’s all I can manage right now. I think you broke my brain.”

“Don’t stroke my ego too much, Snow. I’ll get a big head.”

“You mean a bigger one?”

Baz glares, but when I flash one grin, his entire face melts. My heart melts too. It’s in a goddamn puddle on the floor forever.

Baz presses one hand to his temple, eyes squinting shut. “Bloody hell, all the drinking and excitement is too much for my head.”

“Did you take the aspirin I left?”

“Yes, but apparently that only does so much. I want coffee.”

“I’ve got some. Probably not very fancy, but it’s good enough. That alright?”

He flashes a lopsided grin. It’s incredibly sweet, making me smile in return. “That would be wonderful, Simon.”

God, I want to hear him say my name like that a thousand times.

We reluctantly untangle ourselves, but our hands stay linked. I lead Baz to my tiny dining room table. He sits on the far side, facing the open space of my kitchenette. My hand drags across his as we reluctantly let go. I walk into the room and flip on my ancient coffee machine.

“How do you take your coffee?” I say over my shoulder. “Black?”

“Actually, I like a lot of cream and sugar.”

I laugh loudly and smile at him. “Still have a sweet tooth, huh?”

“Absolutely.”

“Of course. I still remember how you would steal my mint aeros.”

“You have no proof of that, Snow,” he singsongs.

His voice is light and joking. I look over my shoulder, and see his soft smile. I want to see that smile all the time. I want to find out every little happy expression he has, the ones I never got to see when we were kids.

“I’ll find some,” I reply..

“It’ll take a lot of coaxing.”

I lean against the counter, looking at him. Really looking at him. Baz Pitch, the former arsehole bully, now the mostly well adjusted altruistic doctor, still someone who can occupy most of my thoughts. This is all new yet so familiar.

“Good thing we’ve got time,” I say.

Baz leans his cheek on his palm. From his calm, happy expression, I know he agrees. We’ve got time to not just catch up, but start something strange and beautiful and new.

And I’ve never been so excited in my life.

———————————————

AN: Is this a bit unrealistic? Yes. Is this super adorable? Also yes. Hope you guys thought the same. I def enjoy writing drunk Baz and switching it up so Simon has glasses this time. And I like Simon's total obliviousness to his own feelings. He's a dumb romantic little shit lol. Thanks for reading, see y'all next time :D

PS: XOYO is a real bar. Hopefully they don't have to deal with drunk traumatized psychiatry residents too much lol.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #219

“make a move and you pay for it; pick a lord and you pray to it.”

Do you actually love your grandpa? I don't really remember either of mine. I do from what I remember and have learned of them, though. Do you actually love your grandma? I don't remember my dad's mom at all, but I mean, I love her simply for being my dad's mother, who loved her. My mom's mom, yeah, even though she's. Hard to like a lot of the time. Do you have Facebook? Yes. What was the last thing you posted on someone’s wall? A birthday post. Do you have MySpace? My old one still exists, but I sure haven't been on it since it was current. What is your favorite kind of music? Heavy metal. Favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew Voltage is actually cocaine to me rip. Favorite food? Probably like... pepperoni pizza or cheeseburgers. I'm a full-blooded 'Merican. Have you ever felt replaced? OH, HAVE I! Have you ever worn false eyelashes? No. Do you ever regret making a friend? I don't think so. Can you cure mental illness? I don't know about cure, but you can certainly learn how to handle it better and alleviate symptoms. Is God good? Define "God." Cats or dogs? Kitties. Do you play video games? Yeah, but I don't play nearly the variety that I used to. Do you take medication for mental health? Yes. Can you really be racist to a white person? No shit? Do you have a favorite hair accessory? What does it look like? No. What’s your favorite type of insect? Butterflies. What’s your LEAST favorite type of insect? Larvae, like maggots. Disgusting. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? What did you say? What’s his/her favorite food? Idk and I don't feel like checking. I rarely use it. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White is a mood with my mad-at-God-24/7 ass. It needs to stop honestly. I've become so hateful about religion. Not towards followers, mind you, just the concept itself. I could write a novel on this, but I don't feel like it. Just me and organized religion don't get along anymore. Have you ever slept in a water bed? On a water mattress, yeah. How do you feel about having sex during your menstrual period? Never tried, not for me. Sounds messy. Does your ex have a job? My most recent, I guess you mean? Yeah. Have you ever slept in a car? Yeah, on long drives to like New York and stuff. What was the last term of endearment you used (babe, hun, dear, etc)? *checks phone* "Sweetie." How often do you use Flickr? Never. I can't log into my account anymore since Yahoo said "fuck u Britt," so there's no point. Have you ever been on a blind date? No. Do you have a crush on the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend so y'know like- Have you ever got into an argument with the last person you kissed? We very much disliked each other at first, so... guess, lmao. Have you ever liked somebody who was nice to you, but horrible to everyone else? Eh, that's a mystery... Juan was very sweet to me, but I know he had a bad rep. I didn't really see how he interacted with others. How’s your appetite atm? It's normal. I'm not currently hungry. Out of all the conversations you’ve had recently, which one has made you smile or laugh the most? Sara randomly and excitedly texted me to tell me "Welcome to the Jungle" was on at work, which was on the radio both when I was there and she was here, so she thought of how much she missed me lakdjsfkalwe I smiled my face in half. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? Eh, it wasn't awful. It was for my school ID. What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit (or revisit)? New York City. My sis went and said it was 1.) insane and 2.) disgusting. If you were five years younger but knew everything at that age that you’ve actually learned over the last five years, what is one thing you would definitely do differently? Go to the partial hospitalization program way sooner. What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? To earn a happy, content future. What activity that you have to do every once in a while that you dread the most? "Every once in a while," I'd say clean Mitsu's cage. She is such a strange rat. Enjoys pets, but being picked up is a no sir. When people hear what you do for a living, what is the most typical question or comment they give you regarding your job? N/A If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? I'd probably write a poem. I know I wouldn't draw 'cuz fuck no am I doing so with a pen. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? Uhhh. Idk. Anything I can think of, like lightning, I've seen because of the Internet. If someone were looking for you in a bookstore, in what section would they be most likely to find you? Probably like, young adult fiction/fantasy, something like that. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? Lately, take one of my mood stabilizers. I need to get the box out... aaaand forget every day. I haven't felt any different without it tho so like... If you could teach everyone in the world one skill, what would it be? Compassion, maybe. You’ve been offered the chance to paint a billboard along a highway with any message you choose, as long as it’s only 10 words long. What is your message? I'm not spending time musing over something that serious lakaljdsfawe. Would you ever travel to Africa? Hell yes. I desperately want to go to South Africa on the Tswalu Kalahari tour. Whose house were you last at? Besides my own, my older sister's. Have you ever had a near-death experience? I guess this depends on how near death you mean. I've been in one car accident that my mom managed to make minor only by being a good driver; realistically, we should've flipped, according to the cop. My mom just acted quickly enough. Then I heavily ODed, but I was given more than enough fluids in time to keep me surprisingly okay. I don't know what would've happened if I hadn't told Mom so quickly, and I don't care to think about it. I'm fucking lucky and don't want to think about what could've happened. Have you ever met anyone who was overly addicted to a computer game? Tbh I myself could've been in this position when my depression was so bad, but then there's factors to that that lean towards it just having been a preference versus addiction. Idk. It's not a problem anymore so not worth debating over. Have you ever been fingered? That was the first cheat when you chose abstinence lmao. What do you do the most when you are online? Watch or listen to something on YouTube. What video game have you played the most? So in WoW you can actually type in /played to see how long you've played JUST that one character up to the years (or maybe days?) down to seconds and. I will never type it in lmao. Ongoing games are v depressing. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? No, those are thankfully gone. What is something you and your significant other do that may seem weird to others? Be helplessly and openly in love with imaginary demons while dating each other lmao (she's a Freeza fanatic). When and why did you last cry? The second day of school because of math class. When was the last time you drank? I think like... back on the 4th of July. Or some days after 'cuz I know Mom and I didn't finish the container in one night. Do you wear jewelry a lot? Just my piercings, really. Save for on my ear lobes because the holes on the left are fucked up, yay. I'm going to wind up just slightly stretching the first holes when I can afford a small kit; actual studs or hoops look stupid. Never wanted gauges until the holes got too stretched by the weight of hoops; now something needs to be there. Who in your household do you not have a good relationship with? My sister's (who doesn't even live here...) dog Bentley. I hate him and he doesn't like me. No, that doesn't mean I mistreat a pet. He's just a pain in the goddamn ass. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? My mom. I don't know what would happen to me or how I'd cope at this time. Honestly, would you rather be single or in a relationship? I'm happier in a healthy relationship. Do any of your friends not get along at all? No. I mean, not that I know of. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? I'd be LOST without YouTube, then KM follows up close. #3, uh... Facebook or Tumblr, I suppose. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? No. Well, I do have a little book of Disney World character autographs, but I don't think that really counts. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? We use Wal-mart. Who is your favorite model? Sara is a gd model don't even @ me about it. What have you done that is out of character for you? The Joel thing is the most anti-Brittany thing I've ever done for sure. I can't think of anything more current that stands out, unless it's- NO WAIT, this was quite a few months ago, but I firmly stood against an opinion my psychiatrist made known. He's very talkative and open as hell about his beliefs in current events, and he said something about pit bulls where I was just like... um no sir. I wasn't going to be rude though to HIM of all people so just said I don't base dogs by their breed and shut up. Awkward silence and we moved on. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? LGBT acceptance and rights. I already protest by having given up Chic-fil-a okay I care y'all. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? Who knows... What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? Idk. I'm lucky to not have really been told that... What are you most thankful for? Thinking it all over, probably being born where I am. Boy is America FUCKED UP in some places, but boy would I be in a MUCH worse place if I was born in, say, North Korea, between my mental issues, sexuality, and opinions that can go to either end of the spectrum. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? I love them! You can find the coolest, wackiest shit. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy with a passion. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? I genuinely think I'm a nice person that has other's well-being in mind. What is priceless to you? Love, in any form. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhh. I guess more than anything, I'm proud of my distant cousin for her unwavering love for and loyalty to her daughter when it came to escaping the Middle East and her dictatorial husband. Read Not Without My Daughter, it's great. Do you keep a budget? I don't have an income. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Rested, a good night's sleep following being truly exhausted. Refreshed, oh man, gimme a hot, long shower. Who depends on you the most? Nobody. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? Hell no. Has one of your biggest fears come true? Yes. I was entirely convinced the world would literally end if Jason left. That night still doesn't feel real. Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? Colleen and Mom once fought after I'd ignored her, so I guess? It wasn't my wish or anything though for her to do it; Mom had shit to say by her own volition, and I wasn't going to tell my mother "no you can't do that." Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? No? Have you ever ridden on a subway or train and what did you like about it? Nope. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Yes. What embarrasses you instantly? A LOT A LOT A LOT!!!!! It is SO easy to embarrass me, including second-handedly. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? Hell no, I'm most certainly not in the necessary shape, and quite honestly I'm not that willing to risk my life for random people that could be assholes. What do you think should be censored? Idk. I have mixed feelings on censorship, no matter how stupid it seems. Eh... yeah, idk. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Queen Victoria and William Clark. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Depends on who and obviously if we're even compatible. Have you ever fired a gun? No. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Sincerely caring for them, probably. Who is a female role model in your life? My mom, in some ways. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Jfc a lot, I don't want to think about it. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? My future, honestly. It's hard picturing my elderly days. Like I'm not suicidal anymore, I just don't really... realize I'll get there, I guess. I can't picture myself being old and alive. Would you travel to space if possible? No, too long of a trip. Are you an optimistic person? I'm a realist. Do you consider yourself more realistic OR idealistic? ^ Have you ever felt bi-curious? I started out accepting myself as bisexual through thinking myself as bicurious. I quickly realized "bisexual" was more accurate than "bicurious," but it was an easier thing to shift acceptance towards in regards to yourself when you thought you were straight for 21 years. Are you a fan of U.S. President Donald Trump? No sir. I agree with some of his ideas, but I hate him as an asshole person without a trace of manners. Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Multiple. I'd assume most people know someone who fits at least one criterion there. Are you green-eyed? Not exactly, but they definitely have a green hue to them. They're a gray/green blue. Would you consider UFC fighting and WWE real sports events? I think it's beyond debate that a lot of it is staged, but I mean, I guess to a degree? You still have to fight. It's physical exertion. Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? No. Wait. I can't remember if my grandmother had cancer or not... but I don't think so. She was just old. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? An office, definitely. In my work-hunting as well as actual work experience, office work is probably the only job I could actually do that doesn't require a degree... Do you have a favorite wild animal? Why? You can't know me and not be fully aware meerkats are my favorite animal. Why? Ho boy. I love social species, and meerkats have such strong personalities, and holy shit are those little things brave as fuck. They're so GOSH DARN CUTE!!!! too, and their loyalty to each other is astounding. I love how playful and curious the little guys are, and... just wow okay, I could write an actual essay on how I adore meerkats so goddamn much. Do you have any unusual, uncommon phobias? I'm sure there are other people afraid of whale sharks, but I don't think it's common? And is an actual phobia of pregnancy uncommon? Idk. Do you prefer Android or iPhone? I hate my Android. I've had an iPhone in the past, and it was great. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? All, depending on my mood. Most often I'd say I like sweet. Do you believe climate change is real? We can't be friends if you don't. Do you believe in evolution OR creationism? Evolution. Do you think people can really predict the future? Nah. Have you been to a lot of shrinks? I hate that word. Just call them therapists. But yeah. How often do you clean your room? Not often enough. I need to dust... Any movies coming out soon that you want to see? I DESPERATELY wanna see the "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" one. Those books were my CHILDHOOD. What was the last fear you overcame? I don't know about totally overcame, but vocational rehab helped me quite a bit with answering the phone to numbers I didn't recognize. Have you ever hurt yourself trying to crack a body part? No, nothing on me really cracks. Well no, both my big toes do, but no, I haven't hurt myself trying to crack them. What’s the worst part about winter? The days where it's cold BUT ALSO WINDY asdkljfaklwej;awe Summer? It's too fucking hot and probably humid, too. Spring? POLLEN. Fall? Literally nothing. :') Are you allergic to anything? Pollen and silver. How many times have you changed a diaper in your life? Like, once. Which country has the most fascinating culture? Oh boy, idk. Who does your favorite song? Idrk what my current favorite song is. I say my all-time fave is "False Flags" by Massive Attack, but it's not something I constantly wanna listen to. I guess you could maybe say it's "Headache" by Motionless In White; I play and repeat that a lot. I've really been digging them lately. When was the last time you wore makeup? Shit dude, idk. Months ago. Do you prefer males or females or both? I'm generally afraid of men, but I mean, I don't "prefer" one over the other if he's a good guy. Where in your town do you go when you wanna chill with a few friends? I don't have any friends I go out with. But there's nowhere to go here anyway. Where’s the best place to get coffee? N/A Have you ever seen someone struggle with an addiction? My dad was an alcoholic, but he's recovered. He loved (idk if he still does it) fantasy football, too. Pretty sure I got my addictive personality from him, lol. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Early 2017. Do you like cranberry juice? omfg NO. Do you play any zombie-killing video games? The Last of Us is fucking dope, but I didn't finish it before my PS3 broke. :'( I like the Resident Evil series too, and some of those games have zombies or similar creatures. And The Walking Dead game tears my heart out every fucking season. What is the dominating genre on your mp3 player/iPod? Varying forms of metal. Do you have a book shelf? No. What website do you spend way too much time on? YouTube is ALWAYS open. I constantly either watch let's players and a few other kinds of YTers, moving windows around so I can see it and do other things, or listen to music. Do you like wind chimes? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!! WINDCHIMES!!!!!!!!!! Do you have a fetish? No. Do you have a pet fish? No. Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful and calming, but not worth it for me personally. They don't have much of a personality at all, and cleaning a tank so much for just a fish isn't for me. Do you like kettle corn? (That sweet and salty popcorn) Yessss! Do you enjoy classic rock? Hell yeah, man. When was the last time you went for a walk, just cause? Not since I was at Sara's last. Do you listen to Type O Negative? No. Do you have any fillings or cavities? Yeah. Have you gotten your wisdom teeth taken out yet? No, and thankfully I don't need to. One was very close to needing to be, but it has just enough room. Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? "Depending on what I’m signing up for, I’m likely to at least skim it." <<< This. Did you have a lot of birthday parties when you were younger? If so, did you invite everyone in the class? I had a party every year up to... idk what age. And no, I only invited friends. Do you like when things are color coordinated? Yes. Have you ever participated in one of those “guess how many jelly beans, mints, etc. are in this jar!” contest? if so, have you ever won? Yeah, and no. Can you juggle? Nope. Have you ever mistaken a ringing phone on TV or in a movie for your own? Who hasn't? How often do you use bobby pins? Never. My hair's really too short for them. Well, I'd probably pin the right side up if I was doing something like cleaning. Do you live on an avenue, road, drive or something else? Road. What are your school colors? Blue and white. Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yeah. Have you ever rolled down a steep, grassy hill for fun? Actually yeah. Do you like Nerds candy? Yes I do.

[tessatechaitea]

Wonder Twins #8

The British version of Polly Math isn't as clever because her name is Polly Maths.

I thought aging was waking up every morning because you didn't take enough pills the night before.

The worst part about aging is being too dead to see the youth who made fun of you for being old grow old and die themselves. The sad old 48 year old guy typing this wants you to know that the sad old 48 year old guy in the panel is the principal of Zan and Jayna's high school. The librarian is also a sad 48 year old guy except not a guy and maybe not sad. She probably fucked the principal in high school though. This is probably a love story. Not one of those love stories that ends happily. More like one of those love stories where some lonely jerk goes to their 30th high school reunion and tells the person they had a crush on in high school that they never stopped loving them and the person they confess to says, "Did we know each other?"

I'm beginning to think I shouldn't be as proud as I am to guess where comic book plots are going. I'm fucking pathetic.

Don't worry. Principal Adultman doesn't admit to being a chronic sleep-creeper in the panel following the previously scanned bunch. He just says, "I'm a principal!" Although I totally would have been intrigued if he had said, "I was a sleep-creeper!" I would have thought, "Gross! What a jerk," and not, "Oh! I hope we get a flashback!" Because I'm a decent person who now knows sleep-creeping is wrong. Principal Adultman wants to cancel his 30th high school reunion so he doesn't have to interact with Librarian Lost Love. I guess he's afraid they might play The Cure's "Last Dance" during the reunion which was playing the first time he finger-banged the librarian. The principal confesses his love for the librarian and his subsequent failure over the years to get over it on the open school announcement microphone. So now the librarian knows things are even more awkward than she realized! Now she has to start preparing her speech about how there's no way he can love her because he doesn't know her and even if he thought he loved her in high school, she didn't love him. She couldn't love him because she didn't even know who she was or what she wanted and should she have to live with the unintended consequences of one moment where she really wanted to fucking cum on some guy's warm hand for the rest of her lives simply because that warm hand belonged to some schlub?! Maybe she's the type of person who doesn't prepare speeches and she'll just tell him to fuck off and get a life. Although she's a librarian so I think speeches probably excite her as much as the album Disintegration does. Somewhere in the high school reunion drama is a story about Polly Math and her inability to forgive Jayna for putting her in prison and failing to save her dad from eternity in The Phantom Zone. But I don't think that's as important as that old guy still pining for a woman who forgot about him decades ago. Polly escapes prison or something. I don't know. I just skimmed those pages to get to the final embarrassing confrontation between Principal Adultman and Librarian Lost Love that Jayna is unwittingly setting up. She thinks she can prove people will always forgive each other. Ha ha! What a child!

Bah. Stupid Jayna being right.

Wonder Twins #8 Final Thoughts: I guess Mark Russell doesn't trade in cynicism. He's all about earnestness and optimism and hope and shit. Hey, I get that! It's totally the stuff I would aspire to if I wasn't such a lowly, scum-sucking piece of crap. But I'd still prefer for Librarian Lost Love to have been a bit mean. He treats her like a failed conquest for thirty years, making as if she's the reason his world has fallen apart and his time at work has uncomfortable moments, while she was just going on with her life as he grew smaller and smaller in her rear view and he expects her to do the heavy lifting of forgiveness?! Fuck that dude! Although, I suppose, if he didn't matter to her as much as I suspect he didn't matter to her, it's easy enough to just say, "Sure! You're forgiven. Now can you stop making things so awkward, you immature turd?" Anyway, I guess Polly is going to forgive Jayna soon because they're going to team up to save Polly's dad.

[matrixaffiliate]

Glimpsing Happiness

Co-written with @hufflepuffmarlenemckinnon​

FFN and AO3

Chapter 6

A hint of a smile still lingered on Sirius’s lips after Sister Marlene uttered her last clever retort and bid him goodnight at shift change.

It occurred to him that he had no reason to be smiling. He was still dreadfully ill, and missing one of his more vital senses. He hated this whole experience and everything that went with them. Sister Marlene included. She was certainly not a reason for him to smile.

Except, he was sure he had been smiling a moment ago while they traded mild barbs. He may have been blind but he could still feel the expressions on his own face.

...was he… flirting with her? Why would he flirt with a woman who could be a complete hag for all he knew?

“Idiot,” He mumbled at himself.

Rationally he knew it was some sort of reflex he’d developed. He wasn’t sure he could turn off the flirtatious edge that must have been part of his interaction with just about anyone who was receptive to it. Apparently he didn’t even need functional vision to pick up on who was receptive. Sister Marlene was definitely receptive to the playful back and forth.

That had to have been it. There was no more to it than that.

There was, of course, more to the reason he developed the reflex. But that was immaterial. Mostly…

He had the hardest time pushing thoughts of Reg from his mind. His younger brother who’d been the son his mother wanted. His younger brother… who he failed to save…

His charm and good looks were the only thing he had that Regulus didn’t. Though Sirius had been born before the royal family of Saxony were forced out, and Regulus after, it was always Reg who would have made a better prince. His mother had never failed to point that out.

Sirius had to learn to play things to his advantage. He managed to sweet talk and flirt his way into and out of all sorts of scenarios. He fell back on those tools, when he didn’t know what else to do. That was an occupational hazard of being the unfavored son. He needed to make use of what he had.

But really, it meant nothing. He shook his head and rearranged the smile on his face into a more neutral expression.

He really had nothing to be smiling about. He’d heard references to the British Expeditionary Force work as the “Phoney War”, so called because aside from attacking the Naval Base in Scapa Flow, the Germans seemed content to make France and England wait.

Sirius pressed his head back into his pillow and scrunched his eyes shut before laughing at the irony of his actions. Why were the two countries willing to stand by and let Hitler march around Europe? Had they already forgot the Great War?

Where was James? James could talk him down from all this. He always did. James helped him to remember how people did stupid things when they were afraid. James grounded him, he always had. But James was still in France, probably spending his time writing Lily and then doing everything he could to keep his men in shape. That was a battle within itself.

He'd complained about it in his last letter to Uncle Alphard. Did he even get to read it? Sirius tried to breathe through the tightness in his chest. He'd done the math and Sirius couldn't be sure, the letter would have arrived within a day either side of his passing. All he was sure of, was that Uncle Alfie was gone, and the doctors blamed it on his wounds from the bombing and sinking of the Royal Oak, his ship, his favorite ship, actually. Of all the battleships his uncle had been assigned, he'd told Sirius the Royal Oak was his favorite. It was all rather poetic really. Uncle Alphard didn't go down with his ship because he was saving members of his crew. But when the saving was finished, he followed her to the grave.

All he could do now was try to be a man his Uncle would have been proud of. Uncle Alfie had always had faith in him, Sirius reminded himself before settling in to try to go to sleep.

At least in his dreams he’d be able to see.

“Good morning Captain. Where did you pick up German profanity?”

“Sister Marlene. You’re starting your intrusive questions early today. Maybe I just appreciate how angry the language of our enemy sounds. Would that explanation suffice?”

“If you want to lie to me, sure…. In any case, it looks like you’ve got post.”

“Looking forward to snooping through more of my mail, are you?”

“Yes, it’s what it live for” Marlene’s tone dripped with sarcasm.

“Who’s it from? Prongsie again? One of my various and sundry admirers?” He added, in a calculated move.

Sister Marlene should know that this was just how he was. He had girls who thought they were in love with him in nearly every county in the South. She wasn’t special. He didn’t even know what she looked like. He tried not to dwell on that fact, but mostly failed in the process.

“It’s from a Mrs. Tonks. Are you seeing a married woman, Captain? Scandalous!”

“She’s my cousin! It’s not like that… I was never on board with all the… cousin matches… my family was ever so fond of.” He had to quickly correct himself to edit out to the more vulgar phrase ‘cousin-fucking’ though deep down he thought Sister Marlene would be amused with the wording rather than offended.

“Fine, fine. I’ll just have to take you at your word there. Shall I read Mrs. Tonk’s letter?”

“By all means. Dromsy is great.”

“Alright then here goes.  ‘Dearest Baby Cos, I’ve just received your letter.’ I don’t remember sending a letter to Mrs. Tonks, was this the one Mary wrote?”

“Lovely to know the lot of you have been talking about me behind my back. Yes. That was the day you cruelly abandoned me.”

He was definitely putting on a show, and he didn’t quite understand why, but he also resigned himself to his inability to stop it. This was just who he was.  

“Sister Mary happens to be my roommate. We’ve been best friends since we were children. I don’t make a habit of gossiping about you with Miss Fig and Doctor Dodge”

“Well that’s too bad. I was going to see what I could get out of them about you.” He attempted to wink but it probably looked incredibly stupid because he had only the vaguest notion as to where Sister Marlene was relative to him in the room. He resolved not to do that again.

“You’re really insufferable, you know that? I’m going to go on with your letter so as not to undo all my hard work by killing you myself. So she says ‘I’m so sorry to hear of your illness. I do so hope you recover quickly. If I have the opportunity to visit, and the doctors say it’s safe to come with little Dora, I’d like to visit you before you’re sent back to the thick of it.

Speaking of little Dora, she’s gotten quite good with her letters and she’d love to write you a letter herself one day soon. I told her we could hold off on that until you had regained your vision. (So you can fully appreciate her penmanship and all.)

I have it on good authority that my daughter will have a cousin of her own sometime this year. No, the rumors about our dear Bella are still not true, as far as I know. But it does seem that Cissy has fallen pregnant with Malfoy’s heir.’”

Sirius heard Marlene’s throat clearing and regretted agreeing to hear the letter. His family was none of this girl’s business. Droms was like to speak freely and it was all very uncomfortable subject matter, outside the select few who’d experienced it along with him.

Her pause lasted just a hair too long. He knew she was reading ahead and was taking in all the sordid details of his Nazi family and feeling disgusted by him.

For a moment he felt glad he couldn’t see the look on her face. He hated watching people be disappointed with him. He’d gotten quite enough of that from his mother, thanks. He gathered his resolve and nodded to Sister Marlene in hopes she’d get on with it.

“‘It pains me that I had to learn this through the grapevine. I was once so close with our Cissy. She was such a sweet girl. But I can’t support her choice to follow her husband into the pits of hell itself. I still haven’t corresponded with her since before the wedding. I don’t think it’s likely to change.

I know it must be just as painful for you, being one of us white sheep of the Blacks. Now that our beloved Uncle Alfie has gone there’s just the two of us. I want you to know, Baby Cos, that I am here if you need me. I’m your family. The rest of them might be licking Hitler’s vile fascist boots, but you know me. If you ever need a home, you have one here with Ted and me.

I miss you ever so much and hope to see you soon. More than that, I hope you can see me soon as well!’

There was a silence. If he had to guess what the sound he heard was, he would say it was Sister Marlene sucking air in through her clenched teeth. But perhaps that was only his own projections. This was right and properly awkward. He would be avoiding eye contact if he had the faculties to do so.

So then it’s signed; ‘Your older and wiser cos,

Dromsy’’”

The silence went on too long. Sirius felt compelled to say something. Anything. Just to prove to himself that she hadn’t up and left.

“Uh… so… I guess this makes my lie about the German profanities especially flagrant.”

He heard a small and sad sounding little chuckle from Sister Marlene.

“I suppose it does. Don’t worry, Captain Black. It wasn’t as if I believed you anyhow. Besides, the King has more German blood than the Germans themselves. I can’t really hold your family against you while loving my King and country, can I?”

“Yeah. His Majesty is something like a 2nd cousin once removed? We’re all cousins, really, if you go back far enough. It’s properly disgusting.”

“So you really don’t go in for the cousin fucking?”

Sirius felt his jaw drop. Had she really just said that? He really wished he could see the look on her face right as she said it. Was she smiling, knowingly? Was she playing it totally neutral as if she hadn’t said a word that would make the poor sweet cat lady, Miss Fig, blush?

He chided himself for letting his mind wander back to Marlene’s appearance. It was such an unknown though, that it gnawed at him to not know. He wondered if it would help to invent a picture of her in his head as a placeholder. He concentrated, but couldn’t come up with an image of a girl who didn’t look something like some combination of the girl from Kent who’d been surprisingly leggy for her height, and the one lass with the curly blonde hair from Cork. This was not helping anything at all.

Sirius realized that he’d been in silent awe for far too long. He blinked his annoyingly useless eyes a few too many times and made himself speak.

“Sister Marlene! I held my tongue before and you went on ahead and said it.”

He put on a tone of being scandalized, but he was sure his amusement was transparent. He knew she was the type of broad to appreciate a diverse vocabulary. He was glad she’d proved him right.

“I could hear you thinking it.”

“You’ve read me like a book. Credit where credit is due…”

Her laugh was real this time. The sound was music to Sirius’s ears. His stomach began to settle in from the wave of anxiety. No one was going to call him a traitor or a Nazi today.

[arnoldjaime13]

Blog Tour: WOLF MARKED by @AlexisCalder1  With An Excerpt & $10 Amazon GC #Giveaway!

 I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the WOLF MARKED by Alexis Calder Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

  About The Book:

Title: WOLF MARKED (Moon Cursed #1)

Author: Alexis Calder

Pub. Date: July 29, 2021

Publisher: Alexis Calder

Formats: Paperback, eBook

Pages: 232

Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle

Read For Free With A Kindle Unlimited Membership!

They tried to break me. Now I’m going to break them.

Cursed to never shift, the only thing I was looking forward to about the First Moon Ceremony was that the magic sealing me into Wolf Creek would break, and I could finally leave. Instead, the ceremony reveals my true mate: Tyler Grant, future leader of my pack and the man responsible for my most recent concussion and black eye. He’s as brutal as he is handsome and fate is a bitch to put us together. There’s a rumor that a mating bond could break my curse and just as I’m getting my hopes up, Tyler destroys them all. Instead of bonding with my mate, I’m beaten and left for dead. A hot-as-sin feral shifter finds me and helps me back on my feet. But his help comes with a cost and I’m not sure I’m willing to pay the price. With my former pack hunting me down, even an enemy might be a better ally than trying to stay alive on my own. This is book one in steamy rejected mate series. This is not a reverse harem series. 17+ for steam, language, and darker themes.

  Excerpt

Chapter One

 The wind rustled the paper calendar hanging on my wall and I glanced at the crossed off days. Six days left. I was so close to freedom. Pulling my jacket tighter around me, I walked over to the window and peered outside. The sky was steely gray and the clouds looked like they might bring a tornado. It was late spring and the weather this time of year was unpredictable.

Maybe I’d get lucky and it would hit my mom’s shitty trailer and I could get out of here permanently. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get out of here that easily. Whatever witch magic they’d used to seal us in pack lands seemed to also keep the worst weather away. It also prevented us from self-harm. Not that it kept anyone else from beating the shit out of me.

I supposed if I really wanted out, I could have pushed Tyler and his entourage a little more. The penalty for killing another member of the pack was death, but I had a feeling nobody would mourn me. And it wasn’t like they’d lock up the next alpha for getting rid of the broken wolf.

I closed the window. While we were unlikely to get a tornado here, we did get rain and I didn’t need the water coming in and ruining my few meager possessions.

The duffel bag sitting next to the folding table that served as my desk was already packed. It had been for three months. Waiting until the night the magic would free me from this prison. On the first full moon after my nineteenth birthday, I was supposed to shift, and with that magic, I’d gain the ability to leave the magical border around our town. I already knew I wouldn’t shift, but the magic should break, letting me finally escape from the hell that was my life.

For the rest of the pack, that barrier was our savior. It kept us hidden and protected. Away from feral wolves who hunted other shifters for sport. Away from humans who would kill us on sight. Most importantly, it kept us away from witches. At least that was what they taught us. For me, it kept me away from freedom. I’d take my chances with humans and feral shifters any day over the shit I dealt with here. Witches and magic freaked me out more, but I’d cross that bridge when I got to it.

Fucking magic. Fucking witches. They were the cause of all my pain. The reason I was trapped in a town where I was abused daily. The reason my mom spent her days on her back with whatever pills she could find to dull her pain. I didn’t even know who my dad was but I was sure he was an asshole. Just like my mom’s dad. He was the one who pissed off a witch, resulting in the curse that follows my family. No shifting for us. Practically human with a dormant wolf shifter gene. If only my mom had fled while she was pregnant with me and let us live as humans. Instead, she’d stayed here, pining over the fucker who knocked her up. He never came back and I got stuck here.

“Lola, did you grab cigarettes at the store?” Mom yelled.

“Yeah, mom. They’re on the table.” I shouldn’t indulge her habits. It was gross and it cost me a small fortune but it kept her off my case. She didn’t ask where I went or what I did as long as there were cigarettes on the table and food in the fridge. All paid for by my after school job at the pack grocery store.

It wasn’t a glamorous job, but it was helping me save something for when I finally got free of this hellhole.

I took a peek in the mirror and gingerly touched the bruises from my latest black eye. Another gift from the male who would one day be the pack alpha. If Tyler Grant had treated me with indifference, maybe I’d have stayed here. Instead, I got daily reminders that I was unwelcome. One of these days he was going to go too far and I intended to be long gone before then. Huh, how about that? I guess I didn’t have a death wish after all. My desire to survive was barely hanging on by a thread. It would be easier to roll over and give up. Thankfully, I had the reminder of my mom and what her life was like. I refused to become like her.

I considered applying some concealer to cover my injury, but it wouldn’t hide it much. The rest of my classmates would be healed by now, but since I didn’t have the wolf inside me to aid in that, I healed like a human. The purple and blue made my eyes look even more green than they were. Apparently, I had my father’s eyes. Most of the pack had brown or amber eyes. The green in mine was another thing that made me stand out. Add in the red hair and it was impossible for me to hide.

Quickly, I pulled my hair into a low ponytail to get it out of the way. I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. Six more days. That was all I had to do. Just a few more days of school, a few more days of work, a few more days of ignoring the over-acting of my mom’s moaning through the paper-thin walls of her bedroom. I shuddered. No kid should have to hear their mom engaging in that. I didn’t judge how she earned her money but I sure as hell didn’t want to listen to it.

With one last glance at my packed bag, I left my room. The thought of leaving was the only thing getting me through the motions. Chin high, I reminded myself that I was almost there. I’d made it this far. I could make it six more days.

Students mingled in the grass in front of Wolf Creek Community College when I arrived. I glared at the building, which was right next door to Wolf Creek High School. Sometime when I was a small kid, they’d expanded the school requirement to make all of us take at least one semester of college while waiting for our first full moon. Most kids who grew up here dropped out as soon as they had their first shift and settled into some mundane job in town. Few left because we all knew being a wolf without a pack was challenging. I wouldn’t ever turn into a wolf so I wasn’t worried. Being alone would be better than being here.

It was the twenty-fourth of May and there were only a couple weeks of school left before summer break. But I wouldn’t be here to finish the year. My birthday was last week, which meant the full moon in six days was my ticket out. I was so close, I could taste it.

As I neared the entry, I realized that a small group of guys was waiting by the front doors. My heart pounded and I froze. Tyler and his crew were gathered there despite the fact that most of them had already had their first full moon. Tyler was one of the few wolves who stayed enrolled in school after his first shift last month. I figured for sure he’d be out of here since his future was set. As the next alpha, it didn’t matter if he had any actual skills aside from being able to throw people around. He could do whatever he wanted and nobody would bat an eye.

Quickly, I changed direction and started walking toward the side of the building. There were other doors I could use and I wasn’t in the mood to get the shit beat out of me today. It wasn’t like I was a pushover but there was nothing fair about three dudes against one non-shifted chick.

I slipped into the side door and walked down the tile hallway. Kids I’d known my whole life glanced at me and quickly looked away. That was how it was for me. When I was younger, it hurt that I was so alone. Now, I was grateful for their indifference. Ignoring me was better than the alternative.

When I finally took my seat in my Calculus class, I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d made it in without sporting a new black eye. Six more days.

Professor Ortiz started writing on the white board and the four other people in the class were already taking notes. I had no deep love of math, but I was good at it and Tyler wasn’t. Another not as proud moment. My schedule was based on things Tyler hated. I reminded myself that it wasn’t like I’d even get the credit for the class since I’d be out before the term was over. It was pure survival at this point.

Soon enough, I was sucked into class, too focused on the numbers to worry about anything else. Okay, so maybe I liked that about math. It forced me to shut out my other worries.

I went through the motions for the next two classes, doing enough to keep the professors from noticing me and not engaging enough to draw attention to myself. It was a balancing act I’d perfected over the years. Keeping to myself and making myself nearly invisible were the only ways I’d made it this far.

The hallways were packed. There were only a hundred of us in this school, but since we all had the same lunch, it got busy when it was time for a break. I walked into the crowd, keeping my gaze down to avoid confrontation. It was especially important this close to a full moon.

Someone ran right into me, their shoulder slammed into mine, shoving me aside. I looked up, ready to find a way out, but when my eyes met Tyler’s I knew I was fucked.

“Where have you been hiding little wolf?” He stared at me with his amber eyes, a vicious smile on his lips. His fingers dug into my bicep as he held me tight.  “I waited for you at the front door but you didn’t come. I thought maybe you were playing hooky.”

“What and give someone else the chance to beat the shit out of me? You know we’re exclusive.” Missing school was worse than attending. Tyler and his friends might use me as a punching bag, but the torture that came with being truant was far worse. I’d tried a few times in high school, but it wasn’t worth the pain.

He pushed me forward into the women’s bathroom. The door swung open and two girls standing by the sinks screamed.

“Out. Now.” Tyler growled.

“I don’t know why you waste your time with her,” Tenny, a tall blonde who was a few months older than me said.

Every female at school wanted Tyler. He was going to be the next alpha, after all. Even without the promise of power, his looks would buy him a lot of attention. He was over six feet of solid muscle. With wavy black hair, piercing amber eyes, and a strong masculine jaw, he was like a walking wet dream. Thankfully, his good looks were wasted on me. He’d been an awkward kid and by the time he resembled a fucking Greek God, I knew what kind of person he was.

“Ditch the loser, Ty,” Tenny said in what was probably supposed to be a seductive tone. “We haven’t had a tumble in my back seat in a while.”

“I said, out,” Tyler repeated.

“She probably doesn’t even know what you like,” Tenny whined.

“What exactly do you think he’s doing with me?” I asked. “Because I promise you if he put his dick anywhere near me, I’d bite it off.”

Tyler’s hand made contact with my face, slapping me so hard it nearly knocked me on my ass. The sting made my eyes water and I forced myself to clench my jaw and hold my breath rather than cry out. I’d learned long ago that when I reacted, it made things worse.

Tenny giggled. “Well, since she’s not meeting your needs, you know where to find me if you want a real wolf.”

“Out,” Tyler repeated.

The girls left the bathroom and I pulled free of Tyler’s grip. “What do you want, Tyler?”

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said. “My father should have kicked you and your whore of a mother out the day your grandfather crossed that witch. Better yet, he should have let you starve in the caves.”

I swallowed hard. The worst punishment in our pack was being locked in the caves on the south end of town, right near the border. Locked in without food or water with other criminals meant that wolves often went feral and fed on each other. It was gruesome and had only been used once in my lifetime, but the threat was always there. Only, this was the first time Tyler mentioned it. He’d told me I shouldn’t be here in previous encounters, but he’d never talked about the caves. Ever since his first shift, he’d been more emotional and less stable. I was grateful he wasn’t the alpha yet.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be out of here soon and you’ll never have to look at me again.” I glared at him.

Before I saw it coming, his hand was around my throat and he pushed me back, slamming me against the wall. I heard the cracking of my head as it made contact and hoped it didn’t mean I had another concussion. Pain blurred my vision and I winced despite myself.

He was faster and stronger than he was before his first shift. When we were younger, I had a chance against him. As we got older, he got stronger, feeding off the energy of his wolf. I didn’t have that advantage. It was hard to tell if the beatings had gotten worse or if he’d gotten stronger.

When we were in elementary school, he teased me but by middle school, things turned physical. In the last year, I had learned I didn’t stand a chance fighting back anymore. What I wouldn’t give for some of the strength and power that came along with a shift.

Tyler scowled at me. His expression reflecting pure hatred. I never knew what I did to make him so mad, but it had gotten worse recently. Beating me up had always seemed to be a sport, something he did with a laugh to show off to his friends.

That’s when it hit me that we were totally alone. My heart pounded faster. In all the years of dealing with Tyler, he’d always had others with him. There were always witnesses. He liked the audience and there was always someone to pull him back if he took things too far. We’d never actually been alone before. For the first time during one of our little torture sessions, I was worried. This wasn’t just a game anymore.

“Let me go,” I demanded.

“Like I said, you shouldn’t even be here, little wolf.” He squeezed harder, making me gasp for air. My vision blurred, growing darker around the edges. For a moment, I wondered if this was it. If he took me out, I would be free of this place, done with the pain. I considered it for a heartbeat. A flicker of anger urged me forward, I wasn’t ready yet.

Risking retaliation, I kicked Tyler right in the nuts. He let go, groaning, as he grabbed his manhood. I sidestepped him then bolted for the door, sucking in air as I fled. The hallway was empty. His friends nowhere in sight. Whatever Tyler had been after, he didn’t want any witnesses. If he hadn’t already had his mind set on murdering me, he probably did now. I might have just signed my own death warrant. Fuck. Surviving for the next six days was going to be harder than I thought.

About Alexis:

Alexis Calder writes sassy heroines and sexy heroes with a sprinkle of sarcasm. She lives in the Rockies and drinks far too much coffee and just the right amount of wine.

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What's Beyond Forks?

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[dreamweaversofficial]

symphonies of unfilled space

Itinerary:

Nothing.

Residual homework.

Text people.

Paint nails.

Shower (how many times per day is permissible?? Ask google)

3/25/30

Word choice is reevaluated after the ink has dried. The walls have been the same color since before I was born, and they aren’t likely to change. My little brother is taller than I am, and he calls me little sister, the bastard. Being active is all well and good when you’re allowed to go outside.

3/30, 2120

I guess this is like. My diary. Funny to think I wouldn’t have been caught dead with one of these a few years ago, but with so much time on my hands, I guess I can deal. I can’t think of anything to write, and I’ve been informed I sound terse over paper, so. It’s not like they’re wrong.

It’s not that time slows down, I guess, it’s that I’m more aware of it. I wake up early, and I do schoolwork for seven hours, and then I find some way to fill time until I go to sleep. Turns out you become well acquainted with the day when there’s nowhere but the same three places to go. I try to go on walks off the property. Every day I go a little bit further, but the same old houses line the street.

4/15, 2120

If this was a book, the readers would want to know the characters by now. I guess technically this is a notebook, which has ‘book’ in the name, so. There’s me. I guess. Wow, I say ‘I guess’ way more often than I’d thought. Maybe I should write this shit in pencil. But nobody else is going to read this. I don’t know.

For characters: there’s me, and only me. It’s my book.

4/28, 2120

I hate this stupid pandemic, but at least I can avoid my ex-girlfriend. That’s probably wrong of me, right? Like, avoiding an ex is a brightside? But the point is that nobody told me living through some world changing event (and I say that mockingly) was so fucking boring. I’m watching so much garbage television, I think I’m going to decompose.

Did you know humans have to be able to see nature or they’ll go crazy? I guess the succulent I’ve got on my desk is saving my humanity. Nobody seems to like when I point out that even fake ones will work, so I guess our brain is okay with imitation as long as appearances are kept up.

5/4, 2120

There’s this spot by my house - this crossing, I guess, where drivers can’t really see. An intersection! Fuck. Bikers used to travel by all the time, huge streams of them passing the windows, and then one of them died in a car accident up on Death Corner. At what point does someone cross from ‘brave’ to ‘foolhardy’? Maybe it shifts intangibility from person to person. Maybe people are just stupid. I guess it could be both.

I don’t know. I got reminded of this story I was writing in eighth grade, for no reason, which was - years ago. It never got finished.

That’s too passive.

I never finished it.

5/16, 2120

I had this really weird dream? I was in space, and I was supposed to be leading this group of kids. Alien kids? We were all students at this school or whatever, and we were out on a mission taking samples for something, and things started off fine. The planet was habitable and our host family was cool. And then two of my ‘subordinates’, like, start yelling at me? I think I was supposed to be a diplomat, which was why I was in charge, and also I was older, but then I punched at least one.

Somebody literally went missing at one point, which was when I decided ‘screw it’ and evidently chose to pull the plug on the mission, find him, and go back to school. Except one of the brats disagrees, and calls you a bitch(?), and then we get in a fight again. Right, that’s when the fight happened. Google can’t tell me what the hell that meant.

5/31, 2120

I miss people, but never with a passion. There’s the fierce swell of grief, then time washes over the beach of my emotions and smooths over the sand. Sometimes I think I could go anywhere without looking back. There’s this strange limbo between loving people and places, and the part of me that could handle it if I turned my back. Because there are a lot of people I'd die protecting, but heaven forbid if they turned their backs on me.

In quarantine, I can feel the sting of missing threaten to swamp me as it tugs at my bones and makes me restless.

6/11, 2120

I get migraines so often, they’re practically chronic. I get it from my mom, who got it from her mom, who got it from who knows where, and somehow the headache gene that’s plagued me since preschool skipped my brother entirely. Once coming home from school in tears cemented itself into A Thing That Happened, pain worked itself into a constant presence in my life. Like a homophobic family member that ruins things.

I just sprayed IcyHot spray into my eyes by accident. Fuck, this was supposed to go on my neck for the muscle tension headache. Fuck.

6/15, 2120

Isn’t it so ridiculous that we’re still protesting for people’s basic human rights? Jesus. Nobody is a ‘retard’ for knowing your rights aren’t different based on skin color. People shouldn’t have to worry when a family member isn’t home on time, or see people dead on the news, or get pulled over for no reason. This is supposed to be a newer generation.

Why are people trying to be like the old ones?

7/1, 2120

Sometimes you want to fall asleep, and sometimes you just want to be fucking unconcious. Sometimes you miss people before they’re even out of sight.

7/21, 2120

Today I got into one of my hyper-energetic fits. That basically means I have spastic thoughts and end up pacing without end for an hour or two. It’s like ADHD was blended into a smoothie, dripped over my head, and injected into my eyeballs over the span of an hour.

At any rate, it’s preferable to its sister feeling. That one is like rabid beasts have found a home under my skin - I want nothing to do with anyone or anything. It’s as if I have this tightly wound tangle of rage, coiling until it’s poisoned my surroundings, body, and thoughts. I don’t know.

I say that a lot, too.

8/8, 2120

I had a panic attack over some stupid math assingment, and the fact that my dad was out of the house, and a million other little things I didn’t know I was stressed about, I guess. I just. Got nauseous, and by the time my mom got home I’d wound up sitting on the floor of the bathroom, back pressed against the tub, and then you’re just. Talking.

As I talked, my breathing ramped up, and I remember thinking “this isn’t a panic attack, you’re thinking rationally, you just need more air,” except that then you were hyperventilating, and I don’t know what a panic attack feels like, but I could feel my heart’s sick thump in my chest like I never can in my wrist.

8/27, 2120

“I’m dying,” my grandfather says in lieu of greeting when he picks up the phone. When he says “I’m dying,” he doesn't mean tomorrow, or the day after, or even the following week.

When I say “You're always dying,” I mean that he’s been saying that for an eternity, and I want him to keep saying it for an eternity more.

He’s sad, sometimes, and quiet. My dad says he remembers him whip smart and funny, and I’ve learned to take his word as law. He’s sad, sometimes, but he never tries to take that sadness and foist it onto someone else. He’s quiet, sometimes, but that just means you have to listen harder for his jokes. Sometimes he’ll tell me a story I’ve heard before, but something about him makes you laugh like it’s the first time and not the seventieth.

I can see him as he is, and I can see him younger, as he sits in the same chair and makes it new each time.

9/3, 2120

I write differently with a marker than I do with a pen. One of my fine tipped, colorful markers, I use carefully. My handwriting becomes neater, more controlled, unsmudged. A good book can make you hollowed out and unfinished in the same way another can, but a little to the left. I think it’s so interesting how people can be made out of the same basic materials and yet be so different.

It’s been months of quarantine. Months since I stepped foot in a classroom, since I broke up with my girlfriend, since I had to ditch the world for a newer, stranger one. I remind myself I’ve got time. Shitloads of it. The nauseous feeling of empty time presses down on an otherwise weightless body.

But for now I think I’ll sit outside in the sun.

[bad-draft-stuff]

c.AU 1

IT BEGINS

Sheepy: *Sometimes even classes with fun professors drag on too much. That's the way of college! Thankfully, this professor is none other than Prof. Dio and generally doesn't seem to notice students sleeping in class!* Arsé-kun: *Some of the students really should not be doing this, while others genuinely need the sleep. Sometimes, it is hard to tell which is which.* Sheepy: *Unfortunately, a certain student doesn't realize this nor care.* Arsé-kun: *oh no* Sheepy: Bedi: *lowered voice* --Wake up, you'll miss everything. Arsé-kun: Kay: *he quietly groans and turns his head to face Bedi* 'm up. Killer headache. Sheepy: *Bedi nods and flashes a smile* Sheepy: Dio: And so-- oh, I can relate to the killer headache! Arsé-kun: *he says, yelling, making it That Much Worse for Kay* Sheepy: Dio: I had one earlier. I wanted to drink it off, but... Arsé-kun: *Dio has a crumpled piece of paper thrown at him by his Teacher's Aide. His moderately annoyed partner. H* Sheepy: Dio: Ouch...But I didn't do it for once! Arsé-kun: Mr. Orph: Please stay focused now. Please for the love of the gods. Teach your goddamn class. Sheepy: Dio:...! Sheepy: Dio:.... Sheepy: Dio: Uh...What was I even teaching? Arsé-kun: Orph: Quoth Romeo- "Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set, On the fair daughter of rich Capulet: As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine; And all combined, save what thou must combine, By holy marriage: when and where and how, We met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow, I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray, That thou consent to marry us to-day." Act 2, Scene 3, lines 56 to 65. Sheepy: Dio: Right... right, that was it! Sheepy: Dio: It'd be more fun if it was being acted out... Arsé-kun: Orph: If only we had the actual room. Sheepy: Dio: I'm forgetting something important... Arsé-kun: Orph: The lesson? The class? The homework? Your brain? Sheepy: Dio: Oh yeah, homework! Sheepy: Dio: Hand in the homework and I'll give you more, because gifts always deserve something in return! Arsé-kun: *general, collective groan. orpheus included* Sheepy: Dio: Eh? Sheepy: Dio: I just assumed people didn't listen and just googled... Arsé-kun: Orph: I speak for the class when I say you are terrible. Sheepy: Dio: Ouch... Arsé-kun: Orph: Your homework is to finish act 2. We stopped near the end, so it should only take a couple of minutes. Sheepy: Dio: Hey, why aren't you the one teaching? Arsé-kun: Orph: I am only permitted to be here due to you claiming I was "required technology for the class". Each passing day I realize you were right- Because you genuinely cannot teach. Sheepy: Dio: Ouch... Sheepy: Dio: Hey, this isn't even my area of expertise. They just don't have anyone else. Arsé-kun: Orpheus: ... You're not even going to try and hide it. You are actually the worst. Sheepy: Dio: Isn't lying bad? Arsé-kun: Orpheus: Says the one named after the deity of plays and actors, to a poetry machine. Class dismissed. Sheepy: Dio: Heyhey, I can't even say "class dismissed" and look cool...? Arsé-kun: Orpheus: Absolutely not. Perish in the mountains, fool. You will surely die. Sheepy: Dio: I don't want to die! Arsé-kun: *They continue at this. Class is actually dismissed.* Sheepy: Bedi: That class is, um... a mess. Arsé-kun: Kay: How'd this guy get hired...? Bastard can't even tell the difference between a wine bottle and a bong. Sheepy: Bedi: Desperation? Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah, probably. We get taught more by the calculator. Sheepy: Bedi: Calculator... Sheepy: Bedi: Wouldn't he be better for a math class then? Arsé-kun: Kay: Fuck if I care. Sheepy: Bedi: But he wouldn't be able to attend some classes. Arsé-kun: Kay: Why..? Sheepy: Bedi: Because sometimes calculators are banned. Arsé-kun: Kay: ......... Bedi? Shut the fuck up. Sheepy: Bedi:?! Arsé-kun: Kay: If you're going to say dumb shit, make it useful dumb shit like how to stop having a headache. Sheepy: Bedi: Lying down and sleeping... taking motron...Umm... Sheepy: Bedi: Not drinking alcohol. Arsé-kun: Kay: Not happening. Sheepy: Bedi: It's very bad for you. Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah? Yeah? You're one to talk about shit that's bad for me! Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...I usually get you into trouble, don't I. Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah you do!! Arsé-kun: *Kay throws a door open and leaves-- Before being shocked that he is being rained on. Because it is raining.* Arsé-kun: Kay: MOTHERFUCKER Sheepy: Bedi: *he opens his umbrella* What is it? Arsé-kun: Kay: Now, what do you goddamn think it is?? Do you think "Get soaked to the bone" was in my schedule today? Sheepy: Bedi: Here, you can use mine. Arsé-kun: Kay: Don't bother. You've got further to go and a fifty percent chance some jackass will splash you with their car. Sheepy: Bedi: You're sure? Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah, I'll just shower when I get inside. I may as well. Sheepy: Bedi: Well, I hope you feel better soon, at least.. Arsé-kun: Kay: Bitch me too, or I'll have to depend on the hair dog method and I'm not lookin' forward to the end of that. Sheepy: Bedi: I would help you, but I'm powerless here. Arsé-kun: Kay: You've got your shit to deal with, I've got mine. Sheepy: Bedi: Right. That's true. Sheepy: Bedi: Well, good luck. Arsé-kun: Kay: You have fun with that hairball you call a roommate. Sheepy: Bedi: Merlin? Or Fou? Arsé-kun: Kay: Yes. Sheepy: Bedi: Thank you. I will. Sheepy: *Bedi heads back to his dorm!* Arsé-kun: *And Kay heads into his. Is the elevator working? No? Fuck. Stairs it is.* Sheepy: *relatable content* Sheepy: *what will you do now that you're back at your dorm, Kay?* Arsé-kun: *unlock the door. go inside his room. lock the door because he dorms alone. put his stuff down and go take that shower he planned on* Sheepy: *good plan!* Arsé-kun: *and he did, i guess. it's not that important. i will not be covering that part. anyway he still has a killer headache so maybe he'll actually take bedi's advice* Sheepy: *While Kay is napping, there's the sound of bottles and other objects being moved.* Arsé-kun: *Kay doesn't think anything of it. It's just his roomma--WAIT A MINUTE* Arsé-kun: *Kay bursts into the kitchen moments later* Arsé-kun: Kay: WHO THE FUCK IS IN MY HOUSE Sheepy: *You may not have a roommate, but there's a man rifling through your fridge!* Sheepy: ?: --?! *he straightens up quickly and looks to Kay* ...House? Arsé-kun: Kay: Dorm, whatever, who the hell are you and how did you get in? Sheepy: Griflet: Griflet. Sheepy: Grif: I used a key to get in. My key. Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Who the hell gave you a key. Sheepy: Grif: They did because they needed to shift me to a better home base. Arsé-kun: Kay: This is the fourth time they've tried, and the fourth time it isn't going to work. *he groans* If you drink my booze, I'm kicking you out. Sheepy: Grif: Booze... Sheepy: Grif:....I see. Sheepy: Grif: You're a ghost. Arsé-kun: Kay: ... What. Sheepy: Grif: That's what ghosts drink. Boo-ze. Sheepy: Grif:........ Ha. Ha. Ha. Arsé-kun: Kay: Oh, we have a jokster here, huh? A real comedian?? You better get a job doin' it because I'm not buying your groceries. Sheepy: Grif:....?! Sheepy: Grif: You get groceries for jobs...?! Arsé-kun: Kay: Okay, now I can't tell if you're an internet funnyman or if you're that stupid. Sheepy: Grif: No. Neither. My job doesn't give me food. Arsé-kun: Kay: Money can be exchanged for goods and services. Sheepy: Grif: I just eat what I find on the job. Today I found nothing. Sheepy: Grif: I don't drink alcohol. Don't worry. Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Ugh. Fine. You can have the room I've been stacking old textbooks in. Just don't make a goddamn mess. Sheepy: Grif:....? Sheepy: Grif: This book room has the inherent capability of increasing Knowledge and INT by a greater amount upon studying. However... Sheepy: Grif: Is studying worthwhile to me? Hmm...Hmmm... Sheepy: Grif: Since I've been positioned in a school, I guess they want me to learn, so I suppose I should study. Arsé-kun: *...Kay has already walked away* Sheepy: Grif:...He never told me his name. Sheepy: Grif: Where did he go? That's important... But maybe I can find out later. Arsé-kun: Kay: I grabbed my phone, what's up? Sheepy: Grif: *he slowly looks up at the ceiling to answer before realizing tye issue* What's your name? Arsé-kun: Kay: Kay. K-A-Y. Don't spell it with just the letter K like the last jackasses did. Sheepy: Grif: I cannot use this information in any way. So, I'll just think of you as "Kay-ay-why". Sheepy: Grif: You can guess how to spell my name. Sheepy: Grif: Then you can tell me. Arsé-kun: Kay: You're not actually that stupid, are you? Sheepy: Grif: No. I've never learned how to read nor write in English. Only the languages of my parents. They want me to learn but I haven't yet. Sheepy: Grif: They don't use the same characters. Arsé-kun: Kay: You'd better get on that. The whole campus uses English, dipshit. Sheepy: Grif: I know. Sheepy: Grif: I've been trying to learn. Professors have been teaching me on the side. Sheepy: Grif: However, my job takes priority and sometimes causes me to miss lessons with them. Arsé-kun: Kay: At least you're trying. Maybe those old textbooks could help. Whatever. heepy: Grif: What are the old textbooks about? Arsé-kun: Kay: All sorts of crap. Math, mostly. Sheepy: Grif: Math... Sheepy: Grif:..... Sheepy: Grif: I'm not good at math. Sheepy: Grif: I'm only good at one or two things. But as I practice, my skills grow greater. I want to max out all skills. Arsé-kun: Kay: Time to learn. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. ...Ah, right. Sheepy: Grif: This is where we tell each other our habits that may seem distracting or disturbing. Yes? Sheepy: Grif: Well, I may return late at night. Very late at night. Or not until the morning. What else... Arsé-kun: Kay: Shit, me too. I'll probably just be out drinking but same. Sheepy: Grif: Good. Then you won't be upset about my state when I return. ...Although, if we return at the same time... It's better to explain it now, isn't it... But that Dionysus fellow told me that revealing this early would be "stale"... What does that mean? Arsé-kun: Kay: I have no idea. He's full of garbage. Sheepy: Grif: Well, don't worry about it. Sheepy: Grif: Just don't follow me to my job and everything should be fine. Arsé-kun: Kay: You don't murder humans, aye? Sheepy: Grif: Not humans, no. Arsé-kun: Kay: You know what? I don't wanna know. Sheepy: Grif: Normal.... Sheepy: Grif: No, if you were normal I doubt you would be the one they chose to be my roommate. Arsé-kun: Kay: Hey, what the fuck does that mean?! Sheepy: Grif: Exactly as it sounds. Sheepy: Grif: They chose you. Arsé-kun: Kay: *it's at this point that he decides he's either dealing with a basket case, an absolute idiot, or a gamer* Sheepy: Grif: Hopefully we can be friends. Sheepy: Grif: Anything you want to ask me? Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah, who the hell chose to put you here? Sheepy: Grif: My uncle. Sheepy: Grif: Nyarlathotep. Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Yeah, I'm just gonna keep assuming you think you're funny. I'm not going to ask. Sheepy: Grif: What? Sheepy: Grif: The guidance counselor. Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Which one??? Which fuckin' one doesn't actually belong on our side of things? If it's the lady who keeps insisting I take biology, I'm going to kick her ass. Sheepy: Grif:....Does he say he has a different name...? Sheepy: Grif: Dark hair. Jacket. Slightly sadistic look. Sheepy: Grif: Probably torments you a little for fun? Arsé-kun: Kay: Well, fuck, that could be any of them. Sheepy: Grif:....This is difficult... Arsé-kun: Kay: That's your problem now. You deal with your "Uncle" and I'll be over here with my headache. Sheepy: Grif: He's actually my dad's uncle. What's the term for that? Arsé-kun: Kay: Great uncle. Sheepy: Grif: But he isn't great. Sheepy: Grif: He enjoys tormenting people. Sheepy: Grif: I'll try to think of other defining features. Sheepy: Grif: Right. Good night, then. Tell me if you need anything. Arsé-kun: Kay: *he just rolls his eyes- well, ok, his one visible eye- and exits scene* Sheepy: *Grif starts unpacking in his new room.* Arsé-kun: *Unpacking what? From where??* Sheepy: *from his boxes* Arsé-kun: *what boxes. where. theyre not in the food room* Sheepy: *he left them by the door and now he's unpacking them in the spare room* Arsé-kun: *good boy. doing the stuff neatly and correctly. i hope* Sheepy: *After a while, there's some knocking at the door, a pause, and then someone unlocking it. Hello, Bedi!* Arsé-kun: *Hello, Bedi! Here to make sure Kay is alive?* Sheepy: Bedi: Kay? Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Whaaaaaaaaaat? Sheepy: Bedi: So, is everything okay? Are you feeling well? Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeh, I'm alive still, apparently. Sheepy: Bedi: That's good to hear. I saw you were cleaning, so I hope I didn't interrupt you. If you need any help with it, I'm here. Arsé-kun: Kay: What? *he leans out of his doorway* I haven't done shit yet today. Sheepy: Bedi:....? Sheepy: Bedi:...So, then...? Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Speaking of, let me tell you, I had the weirdest fucking dream last night. There's no way the dean would give me another roommate, right..? Sheepy: Bedi: Well, um, it looks cleaner. Sheepy: Bedi: So even if they're your roommate of your dreams, they do good things in reality. Arsé-kun: Kay: If it was a roommate of my dreams, I'd never have to do shit ever again. Sheepy: Bedi: But staying active is healthy. Arsé-kun: Kay: Isn't walking to class enough?? Sheepy: Bedi: No. Maintaining a clean environment helps too. Sheepy: Bedi: Hobbies, too. Arsé-kun: Kay: No shit. But like I've got time for that? My schedule is all class, homework, drinking, and being on the floor. Sheepy: Bedi: We could try reducing those last two and add in other activities. Sheepy: Bedi: Before long, you'll feel much happier. Arsé-kun: Kay: What's the next thing you're gonna suggest? Making friends? Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Arsé-kun: Kay: Gross. I have a grand total of... One. Don't make me increase that. Sheepy: Bedi: I'll help you. Arsé-kun: Kay: Who in their right mind wants an asshole as a friend? C'mon, it isn't happening. Sheepy: Bedi: Me, of course- Sheepy: Grif: --Hello. Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Oh, you're real. Goddammit. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: *Bedi looks over to Grif to greet him and pauses, staring* Sheepy: Grif: Worry not. I unfinished packing. I had to clean. It was very dusty. Sheepy: Bedi: You're...? Sheepy: Bedi: Um... Well, this is a surprise. Arsé-kun: Kay: You gonna exclude me in my own house, Bedi? Sheepy: Bedi: Um, sorry, I should explain. Sheepy: Bedi: This is my cousin. Sheepy: Bedi: He's..... Sheepy: Grif: Griflet. Sheepy: Grif: You don't need to tell him about me. I can do it myself. heepy: Grif: True neutral. Favorite color is green. Youngest of my siblings. Likes animals. Sheepy: Grif: That's how trait pages usually go, right? Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Bedi, why does he speak exclusively in gamer? Sheepy: Bedi: Um..... Sheepy: Bedi: I've never known him to play games, but maybe he picked them up in his free time? Sheepy: Grif: "Gamer"? One of my dads is a gamer. The other one is a player. I'm assuming those words are one and the same. Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Good enough. Sheepy: Grif: I've recently picked up computers. My current Skill LVL is 10. I hope to improve with time. Sheepy: Bedi: I can't say I've interacted with him much. The last time we interacted, we were kids and he bit Lucan... Arsé-kun: Kay: The world revolves around fucking him over. Sheepy: Bedi: It does, doesn't it... Sheepy: Grif: You can ask me anything else about me. In turn, I'll ask you questions. So we can bond and become friends. Arsé-kun: Kay: *he thinks for a moment* ... Ignoring the obvious for a minute. What's your major? Sheepy: Grif: Major? Sheepy: Grif:.... What is a major? heepy: Grif: The gym teacher asks a similar question. "What is your major malfunction"? Arsé-kun: Kay: He's just an asshole. Sheepy: Grif: Anything else? Sheepy: Grif: If not, I ask the same question of you. Arsé-kun: Kay: I have so many questions, but I hear Pompous Asshole Whistling and I'm ready to commit a crime. Sheepy: Grif: What is that? Arsé-kun: *there IS distant whistling.* Sheepy: Grif:....? Sheepy: Grif: An enemy is approaching. Sheepy: Bedi: Nononono, not an enemy, not an enemy! Arsé-kun: Kay: I wouldn't mind him getting punched in the face, though. Sheepy: Bedi: But... Arsé-kun: Kay: But okay, okay, no combat in my dorm. Sheepy: Bedi: He doesn't deserve it, does he? Arsé-kun: Kay: Well... Sheepy: Grif: ? Sheepy: Grif: So punch him or not? Arsé-kun: Kay: Better you don't. Shit splatters and he's full of it. Sheepy: Bedi: I wonder why he's coming over... Sheepy: Grif: I see. Arsé-kun: Kay: *he sighs* Yeah, why DOES Merlin have to show up now? Sheepy: Bedi: Grif, maybe you can clean your room more. Sheepy: Grif: But I'm - Sheepy: Bedi: I'm sure there's something you missed! Sheepy: Grif:...? Hmm... That's what they say when Santa hides things in your room. How exciting. Sheepy: *Grif goes to his room to hunt for the gift from Santa he'll never find...* Arsé-kun: Kay: *eh?* Sheepy: Bedi:...Apologies, I don't want them meeting. Their vibes don't mix. Arsé-kun: Kay: You know what? You're so right. That'd be horrible. Sheepy: Bedi: I don't know why Merlin is showing up, but it must be important. Arsé-kun: *Merlin busts in. the door bounces off the wall and hits him in the face. his cat laughs at him* Sheepy: Bedi: There you are. Sheepy: Bedi: Are you okay? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yeah, I'm good. *he pushes the door away, softer this time* Bedi, how do you feel about a change in location? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Because we don't have much of a choice. Sheepy: Bedi: What...? What happened? And where will we be staying? Arsé-kun: Merlin: We, uh. We lost the dorm. Sheepy: Bedi:...! No! Sheepy: Bedi: Was anyone hurt...?! The things can be replaced, but...! Arsé-kun: Merlin: But in good news, I saved our stuff! *he holds up a suitcase* Barely got it all in! Arsé-kun: *kay looks less than impressed by this turn of events and tries to preduct where this is going* Arsé-kun: Merlin: No, we all got out in time. Only half the dorm is Off but it's better we all get out. Sheepy: Bedi: Thank you. Sheepy: Bedi: But...where are we supposed to stay? Do we know yet? Sheepy: Bedi: It's good no one was hurt. Arsé-kun: Kay: Let me goddamn guess. Because I have the Suite, you're gonna suck up to me until I say yes. *he stares at Merlin. Merlin just sheepishly grins at him* Sheepy: Bedi:...! Arsé-kun: Kay: You, no. Bedi, yes. Fuck right off, you asshat. Sheepy: Bedi: Umm...We can figure something out, I'm sure! We shouldn't just drop in and demand a place to stay. Arsé-kun: Kay: I'll let it slide for a week or so, but the minute Merlin leaves something unwashed, I'm breaking it over his head. Sheepy: Bedi: Right...but... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Butt? :3c Sheepy: Bedi: D-don't worry about it. Arsé-kun: Kay: Look, it's bad enough I'm going to be third-wheeling in my own house. Don't add to it. Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize. Arsé-kun: Kay: Don't. It ain't like you fucked up the dorms. Arsé-kun: Kay: Anyway, make your man unload the suitcase in the far room. This one's textbook storage and other shit. *he gestures to Grif's room* Don't go in my storage. Sheepy: Bedi: It's just...We can't really just drop in like that. You already have your own lifestyle and we'd be intruding. *Bedi, a terrible liar with many tells, is showing one of his many: brushing his hand up against the patterns on Airgetlam to try to distract himself. Help him* Arsé-kun: Kay: My lifestyle is drinking. Sheepy: Bedi: Y..yes, of course. Ahahaha... Arsé-kun: Kay: The last rule is keep that fucking cat away from me. Sheepy: Bedi: Fou isn't bad. He's very sweet. Arsé-kun: Kay: Fou is the reason I can't see out one eye! I'd like to not take chances here! Sheepy: Bedi:.......I'm sorry, I can't relate. I have little memory of the incident. Sheepy: Bedi: But he's not the one at fault. I am. Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah, yeah. *he looks doubtful* Sheepy: Bedi: Fou didn't know any better but I did, so... Please don't blame him. If you want to blame someone, I'm the one deserving of it. Sheepy: *In the bg Grif exits via window. Not that interesting* Arsé-kun: Kay: Bedivere, I've already yelled at you enough. It ain't gonna help. Sheepy: Bedi:...I know. Sheepy: Bedi: But hating Fou won't help either. He's the only good thing that came from that situation. I don't want him to be a bad thing too. Sheepy: Bedi: But I'm sure he's probably just going to stay with Merlin and me mostly. Sheepy: Bedi: But I'm happy to stay with you. I won't worry as much. Arsé-kun: *Fou is sniffing Kay's stuff and kneading the sofa. lookit him go* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, he's getting to know the place! Arsé-kun: *Kay looks at Fou, then looks back to Bedi* Sheepy: Bedi:? Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Nah, never mind. It'd take too long. Sheepy: Bedi: What is it? Arsé-kun: Kay: Don't worry about it. It's not important. Sheepy: Bedi: Well, okay. Arsé-kun: Kay: Instead.. How much stuff do you think your bitch had in that suitcase? Sheepy: Bedi: ...? I don’t know. Sheepy: Bedi: Fou’s food... Um... clothing? Maybe textbooks? Maybe... ...I-I made him carry that all himself...?! Arsé-kun: Kay: He said "Got it all". I'm concerned. Sheepy: Bedi: .......I should go check on him. Arsé-kun: Kay: Knowing him, he'll pull a whole bed out of it and call it "Cool Wizard tricks you can do on the weekend" or some garbage. Sheepy: Bedi: Yeah, you're right. Sheepy: Bedi: .....I'd like to be able to do that, too...... Arsé-kun: Kay: Who wouldn't? But okay, shut up, make sure your man didn't crush himself under a sofa. Sheepy: *Bedi heads over to check on Merlin* Arsé-kun: *Merlin is alive and uncrushed by furniture* Sheepy: Bedi: How is everything going? Arsé-kun: Merlin: It's going well, thank you! How mad's Kay? Is he trolled? Is he raging in the chat? Sheepy: Bedi: No. Sheepy: Bedi: He asked me to check to make sure you didn't hurt yourself. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's impressive. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose so..... Arsé-kun: *Kay decides he doesn't wanna hear this in his own dorm. To prevent this, he retreats back into his own, personal room and shuts the door so he can do homework* Sheepy: *Bedi helps out unpacking and turns in early for his morning class.* Arsé-kun: *Fou curls up in the bathroom sink. Cat time* Arsé-kun: *Merlin stays with Bedi, doing mysterious wizard stuff.. and his own homework.* Arsé-kun: *Time passes, as it does. It would be strange if it didn't* Sheepy: *The sound of a door opening is heard. Clumsy, unsure footsteps are accompanied by the sound of heavy breathing and something being dragged across the floor. The smell of blood fills the air...* Arsé-kun: *Kay very slowly peers out of his doorway. He's hesitant about looking any further..* Sheepy: *Grif's limping to his room, supporting his weight on a sharp object.... a sword? He's bleeding heavily from his leg, chest, and side, seemingly attacked by some sort of creature based on the claw marks. His breathing is pained and labored.* Arsé-kun: *Kay responds to this in a mature, thought-out way that any adult should. He screams and slams his door shut before slamming himself against it. He lasts about eleven seconds.* Sheepy: *This, understandably, surprises Grif, who starts rushing over as best as he can, thinking that there's danger. This doesn't go well* Arsé-kun: *... And Kay wakes up with a gasp, in his own bed. "Thank goodness", the poor boy thinks, "it was just a bad dream". But after the last time he believed something was a dream, it wasn't, so maybe it'd be better to actually make sure...* Sheepy: *Grif is in the common area, just chilling. He looks over to Kay upon his entrance.* Sheepy: Grif: Hello. Arsé-kun: Kay: Afternoon... Morning? Hello? You're still here. Sheepy: Grif: Of course I am. Sheepy: Grif: You screaming at night isn't enough to chase me off. Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Sheepy: Grif: What? Sheepy: Grif: I apologize if it's something you pride yourself in. I'll be more scared next time. Arsé-kun: *Kay has paled a bit* Sheepy: Grif:...? Arsé-kun: Kay: Could..... You not show up like that? Again? Ever? Sheepy: Grif: Ah, that. Sheepy: Grif: I suppose this is why Dio said it'd be more fun if I left it to be a surprise, hm. Sheepy: Grif: No, I can't promise you that. That was a scratch I picked up dealing with some enemies off of the path. I suppose I forgot to mention my job to you. Arsé-kun: Kay: You...?! Are you stupid?? Sheepy: Grif: ....? Sheepy: Grif: This is my job. The school tells me to do it. So I do. Arsé-kun: Kay: Let me get this straight! You go off the path... On purpose?! And you survive it? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Arsé-kun: Kay: What the fuck? What the actual fuck?? Now I absolutely need to ask so that shit doesn't happen again! Sheepy: Grif: What do you mean? Sheepy: Grif: As I said, that was but a scratch. Arsé-kun: Kay: You don't have a major either, do you? You're just here to do thhhNO IT WAS NOT Sheepy: Grif: No. I have no formal education past my parents. I don't know what a major is, nor could I probably receive one. Sheepy: Grif: My job is to protect everyone. That's all. Sheepy: Grif: In return, I receive access to housing and classes. ...But due to my lack of math skills and my inabiliy to read nor write past some simple words, it seems I'm behind and can't take advantage of this. Sheepy: Grif: Thankfully, they're willing to teach me all the same. Sheepy: Grif: I can answer any other questions you have, too. I shouldn't keep secrets. Arsé-kun: Kay: It's hyper dangerous out there though?? Like, you came back looking like... Like bad? People have lost limbs and lives to that shit? Sheepy: Grif: Of course. People have. Arsé-kun: Kay: You're clearly a people. Sheepy: Grif: ...Hmm. Sheepy: Grif: Right, I do look like that. Sheepy: Grif: Although people usually say I'm weird or act like an alien. Sheepy: Grif: Anyway, on the surface you'd be right, but otherwise you're wrong. Arsé-kun: Kay: If you can casually go in and out like this, you're clearly weird. But in the cool way. Sheepy: Grif:....?! Sheepy: Grif:...Cool? *he appears surprised* ...That's the first time anyone's said that. Arsé-kun: Kay: You have a sword! How is that NOT cool?? Sheepy: Grif: I've heard you can buy swords at BBay. ...That's its name, right? What is it? I want to go there. Arsé-kun: Kay: BBay is a website. ... You definitely need to be able to read for that. Sheepy: Grif: Dad helps with that. Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah, swords are on there. They're expensive! People can't just have swords anymore! Sheepy: Grif: He's very talented with technology. So he helps by changing it to a language I can read. Sheepy: Grif: Really? Sheepy: Grif: Why not? Arsé-kun: Kay: People that are armed take on more than they can deal with. That's how it's always been, I guess. Sheepy: Grif: I see. Sheepy: Grif: I am always armed. With two. Arsé-kun: Kay: I know someone who isn't because of the off-path fuckers. Sheepy: Grif: Right. Bedi. I thought it'd just grow back. Arsé-kun: Kay: N-no! It doesn't work that way! Sheepy: Grif:....? Sheepy: Grif: Really? Arsé-kun: Kay: People don't grow things back, Mr. Nyar nephew! Hair, sure, but not limbs! Sheepy: Grif: I grow back limbs I lose. Arsé-kun: Kay: Lucky you! Congrats! You suck! *and Kay has looped back around to being bitter. Ah, normality.* Sheepy: Grif: Although...being known as Nyar's nephew... Sheepy: Grif:....How embarrassing. Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Oh yeah! Don't eat *my* food! I'd label it, but you can't read it so what's the point?? Sheepy: Grif: What familial relations would I prefer to be called by- what? Sheepy: Grif: I see, so all of the fridge food is yours? Arsé-kun: Kay: For now at least! Sheepy: Grif: Then I eat... what, I wonder. Sheepy: Grif: I ate some last night, but... Arsé-kun: Kay: Goddammit. Ask Merlin to buy pizza. It's not like he eats anything else! Sheepy: Grif: Pizza? Arsé-kun: Kay: Wow... You really are clueless! Sheepy: Grif: Dad never told me about it. Sheepy: Grif: However, I'm willing to eat anything. Arsé-kun: Kay: That doesn't include people, right?? Sheepy: Grif: ? Sheepy: Grif: People aren't food. How can you eat non food? Impossible. Arsé-kun: Kay: What about that? *he points to Fou* I don't want it. Bedi might. Sheepy: Grif: Hmm...hmmm.... Arsé-kun: *Fou trots over and rubs on Kay's hand. Kay withdraws quickly* Sheepy: Grif: I like rabbits so it's not food. Arsé-kun: Kay: I'm told it's a cat. Apparently. Sheepy: Grif: Cat? Sheepy: Grif: I've heard cats can die more times than any other animal. Truly a force to be reckoned with. Arsé-kun: Fou: Fao! Faooou! Sheepy: Grif: Instead of "you only live once", a cat goes by "you only live nine". Arsé-kun: *This is a trainwreck. Great impression, Griflet.* Arsé-kun: Kay: Not too sure about that. Sheepy: Grif: Really? Arsé-kun: Kay: Maybe! Sheepy: Grif: It seems people tell me misconceptions often... Sheepy: Grif: I'm sure he was just misinformed. Arsé-kun: Kay: Or it was a joke. Sheepy: Grif: ...? Maybe. Arsé-kun: *In the background, Merlin putting a mop back in a closet. I Wonder Why.* Arsé-kun: *Kay takes the distraction and moment to duck into the bathroom. To think, of course. Even he has recognized that he shouldn't be okay with any of this. He doesn't even know this guy. And he might possibly be a monster in human shape... But he's cute... Not that it should matter. Was he this lonely? Is he desperate? Maybe he needs some help. Or another beer. Maybe he could just let this go and it'll go away before the semester ends. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.* Arsé-kun: *pan back to Grif as Kay does his business bc we dont need that in our lives* Sheepy: Grif: (Cool... Maybe if I were cool like my parents, I'd be able to help more people. ...But maybe I'm getting there, considering that he called me cool.) Sheepy: Grif: Thank you for cleaning up. I wasn't looking forward to it. Sheepy: Grif: And thanks to you, I'm feeling better. I would've healed on my own, but this helped. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Understandable. Sheepy: Grif: I worked hard to make that blood. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *squints* Sheepy: Grif: Did you not know? Sheepy: Grif: Inside of your body you have a blood factory called a heart. It makes blood. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Actually no! According to my Bio teacher, it's only used to pump blood and send it around!... You still need it! Sheepy: Grif: For how long? Sheepy: Grif: Biology sounds difficult... Arsé-kun: Merlin: It's a pain in the ass, but it's important, I guess! Arsé-kun: Kay: It fuckin' sucks! It's gross as hell! Who made it mandatory and why is it with that weirdo??? Sheepy: Grif: Mandatory... It's the dormitory that men live in. Sheepy: Grif:...... Sheepy: Grif: Ha. Ha. Ha. Sheepy: Grif: What, weirdo? Who? Sheepy: Grif: Although, most of the professors here are what I've heard described as "weird". Sheepy: Grif: Dio is drunk on the regular, the PE instructor yells at people, there's a robot, Lobo, a very suspicious math professor.... Arsé-kun: Kay: Dumb bitch, asshole, Orph is a calculator on steroids, Who? Sheepy: Grif: You haven't seen him? Sheepy: Grif: He's big. Tall. Hairy. Sheepy: Grif: Blue. Arsé-kun: Kay: Uhhh. Nope. Sheepy: Grif:...... Sheepy: Grif: Hm, he seems like he'd be hard to miss. I keep asking him what he teaches, but he doesn't say much. Sheepy: Grif: He usually just glares at people. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Lets give him some credit here. I haven't seen Lobo yet either. I've heard the tales, though! Sheepy: Grif: Have you? Arsé-kun: Merlin: The one with the ghost friend? The same Lobo that definitely hates everyone but still barges into classes for social attention? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: I've seen Dio seemingly crying about being unlikable compared to Lobo, questioning how someone like Lobo could be so loved. It seems he has feelings after all. Sheepy: Grif: I'm sure you'll meet Lobo eventually. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I hope so! Sheepy: Grif: Just be polite with him. He angers easily. Sheepy: Grif: What other professors are there.. Sheepy: Grif: They're all, hmm... Sheepy: Grif: Confusing. Except Lobo. I relate to him well. Arsé-kun: Kay: Weird as hell as far as I learned. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Arsé-kun: Merlin: The two orchestra teachers are married! *thank you merlin* Sheepy: Grif: Dio and Orpheus? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Nooo, Mr. Salieri and the guy whose name I forgot! The one who makes fart noises for fun. You know! Sheepy: Grif: Oh. I haven't had much experience with them. Yes...I was questioning the validity of that, because Dio doesn't seem associated with music... Sheepy: Grif: I think his name is Mofart. That's what I was told. Sheepy: Grif: Of course, Nyar told me this. Arsé-kun: Kay: Then it Obviously must be true *it's sarcasm* Sheepy: Grif: No, he lies often. *Grif doesn't get it...* Arsé-kun: Kay: I was being sarcastic. Sheepy: Grif:?! Sheepy: Grif: I will learn sarcasm as I live with you. Arsé-kun: Kay: You'd better. Sheepy: Grif: In turn, you will learn ro speak clearly as I struggle to understand sarcasm... Sheepy: Grif: Right. You never told me about yourself. Checking your profile without asking for info first would be rude. Sheepy: Grif: Based on my experiences... yes, these are the sort of questions you ask to get to know someone better: What's your major? Your favorite hobby? Your likes and dislikes? Your star sign? Do you come here often? What's wrong with you? ...Those are the ones I've heard. Sheepy: Grif: So, answer any of those you'd like. You asked me questions but told me little about yourself past your name. Arsé-kun: Kay: Would you like them answered in that order? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Arsé-kun: Kay: *rattling off answers* Accounting, drinking, that takes too long, how the fuck should I know, I live here, and so many. Sheepy: Grif: I, too, drink. Every day. Sheepy: Grif: Everyone does. Arsé-kun: Kay: Alcohol. I drink booze. Sheepy: Grif: No, I don't drink that. Sheepy: Grif: I've heard that parties usually expect you to drink. However, I've never been invited to one, so I wouldn't know. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Kay wouldn't either, considering how he doesn't go out! *he gets a couch cushion thrown at him for his crimes* Sheepy: Grif: Really? Hmm... That's not the impression I got of you, but... Arsé-kun: Kay: I already told you I'm an ass. Sheepy: Grif: Worry not. You will no longer be friendless. I am here. Arsé-kun: Fou: Frow! Sheepy: Grif: You can be my friend, too. Sheepy: Grif: Other than my parents, I have one other friend. You haven't seen him yet. Sheepy: Grif: I unpacked him yesterday. Arsé-kun: Kay: wot Sheepy: Grif: I put him in a box. Sheepy: Grif: And then I took him out. Sheepy: Grif: Do you want to meet him? Sheepy: Grif: Give me a moment. I'll get him. *he leaves briefly before returning with a white peacock. it seems particularly interested in Fou* This is Elyan. He was lost near the storm drain before I befriended him. Now we're good friends. Sheepy: Grif: Nyar has told me that we're the perfect pair because we share rhe same level of intelligence. However, he's also said that Elyan is barely capable of thought ...so which is it, I wonder. Arsé-kun: Kay: What is this, a fucking zoo? One more animal and I'm going to go ballistic. ... If it eats Fou, I don't care. Sheepy: Elyan: *honk* Sheepy: Grif: Geese don't eat cats, do they? Arsé-kun: Kay: If that thing is a goose, then I like women. Sheepy: Grif: Hmm...hmm... that's the deciding factor...? Sheepy: Grif: I like humans regardless of gender. Do geese make people like women? Arsé-kun: Kay: Sarcasm again. Sheepy: Grif: It's too hard to tell... Sheepy: Grif: I saw him by water and he's a bird so he must be a goose. Sheepy: Grif: He's too big to be a duck. Sheepy: Grif: What is he if not a goose? Arsé-kun: Merlin: A peacock! Look at this tail! Geese don't have this fancy stuff! Sheepy: Grif: Hm... Hmmm... Sheepy: Grif: Peacock... Oh, I see. So Elyan has eyes on his tail. Sheepy: Grif: I have a brother with eyes, too. Sheepy: Grif: But not on a tail. Arsé-kun: Kay: Most people have eyes. Sheepy: Grif: I only have two. Arsé-kun: Kay: That is the average number of eyes. Sheepy: Grif: I’ve heard some people called “four eyed”. Sheepy: Grif: Am I lacking? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh, he wears glasses then? Arsé-kun: Merlin: glasses are called a second pair of eyes, even tho they just make the initial pair work better. It's a silly name. Sheepy: Grif: He only wears one pair. Arsé-kun: Merlin: One pair is two. Two pairs is four. Sheepy: Grif: Maybe his others are 20/20... Arsé-kun: Kay: I now have several questions I don't want answers to. Sheepy: Grif: What? Arsé-kun: Kay: Why would I ask if I don't want the answer? Sheepy: Grif: Hmmm.. Sheepy: *there's knocking at the door* Arsé-kun: Kay: Oh, NOW he's on time??? The one goddamn time? Hold on. *and a little louder* Hold the hell on! Sheepy: Grif:...? Arsé-kun: Kay: I've got a deal running with one of the profs. He shares what he makes if I help with his budget. .... That sounds really bad and I don't mean it like that! Sheepy: Grif: Bad....I don't understand but I believe you. Arsé-kun: *Kay goes and pulls a folder out of somewhere and tries to slide it under the door. The folder is too fat. He gives up and opens the door like a normal human* Arsé-kun: Kay: You really suck at planning out budgets. Sheepy: Dio: Hey, you're actually going to talk to me face to face! Sheepy: Dio: Life's kinda hard to live to its fullest when you're stuck on a budget... Sheepy: Grif: Hmm...Oh, so you must make the alcohol that Kay drinks. I see. Arsé-kun: Kay: Life's hard to live to the fullest when you can't go fuckin' anywhere. Sheepy: Dio: I used to have parties with everyone and try all the types of alcohol I could...But now? Sheepy: Dio: It's difficult not feeling bummed out all the time. Arsé-kun: Kay: Tell me about it, but don't, I have people over. Sheepy: Dio: Oh, you have company over? Great, wonderful! I thought you seemed kinda lonely! Always time for a party! *he looks over to Merlin and Grif* ....Hmm, that's... Well, good luck with that. Sheepy: Dio: Ah, yeah, I brought my most recent batch. I was being nagged to grade homework and do paperwork so it's rushed... What, do they think this is my job...? Arsé-kun: Kay: If you do your job, you won't be nagged at to do it later. What a goddamn concept. Sheepy: Dio: In a way, it kinda stinks for everyone that they just grabbed who they could, because students deserve a better education and I don't deserve having to grade homework... Sheepy: Dio: Oh, but I guess that's supposed to be a secret. Arsé-kun: Kay: Since when? Who cares? Shit sucks. Sheepy: Dio: But I guess with the way I act in class, nobody has any doubts I'm just there because they need a warm body to fill the slot after the last body grew cold. Arsé-kun: Merlin: But didn't it take a while to get replaced? Sheepy: Dio: Yeah... I guess so. Sheepy: Dio: Well, guess I'm as clueless as you are as to why they picked me. Well, I do have a clue, but I guess that's better left for a cool plot twist. Sheepy: Dio: Yeah, I guess I could be like Chekov's himbo! Arsé-kun: Kay: Who the fuck is Chekov? Sheepy: Dio: He wrote about a gun being on the wall once and then at the end it was a murder weapon. Sheepy: Dio: So it's basically a surprise tool we'll use later! Something seemingly unimportant that ends up vital to the story! Arsé-kun: Merlin: It isn't even gonna help us? What's this shite? Sheepy: Dio: Maybe later, but not right now. Sheepy: Dio: Just like me. Maybe I'll be super useful in the future, maybe I've already been useful and nobody knows... Sheepy: Dio: But right now, I struggle with the task given to me because they have no one else. Arsé-kun: Kay: Hand me the booze and you'll be useful. Sheepy: Dio: Ouch... Sheepy: Dio: *he passes it over* Sheepy: Dio: Sorry if it isn't as good as usual. As I said... I kinda rushed. Arsé-kun: Kay: Doesn't matter. It'll do the job. Sheepy: Dio: I was thinking, “oh, man, what’ll I do if he doesn’t accept it? Nobody’s ever rejected the drinks I’ve made before. Run out into the wilderness and embrace nature to relearn the arts of wine making and drink mixing?”... and so on. Arsé-kun: Kay: Run out in the wilderness and embrace nature and fucking die? Do we need to finish the play if you die? Sheepy: Dio: Hey, I go out into the wilderness often. Sheepy: Dio: Stuffy places like these aren’t suited for me, but the least I can do is lighten them up. Sheepy: Dio: Anyway, you shouldn’t count on me dying so easily! It’s better to do your homework. Arsé-kun: Kay: Dammit. Sheepy: Dio: Oh, and don’t try going off the path like I do. Sheepy: Dio: I guess I'm just amicable enough they don't want to tear me to shreds. Arsé-kun: Kay: YOU DO WHAT Sheepy: Dio: I mean, what wilderness would I be referring to? There's none on the path. Arsé-kun: Kay: Two bushes and a tree is wilderness, isn't it?? What are you, dumb? Sheepy: Dio: Hmmm... that doesn't seem right. Sheepy: Dio: Hmmm... they kinda just leave me alone. Sheepy: Dio:...Oh, the drink? Yeah! Sheepy: Dio: I thought you meant me, 'cause, well, that's the nickname my family has given me! Arsé-kun: Kay: Wh. What? Arsé-kun: *Kay, still reeling, and now also having lost track of what's being said,* Sheepy: Dio: I guess I should have mentioned that's why I never respond to emails on Saturdays.. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I feel like we just learned forbidden knowledge. Sheepy: Dio: Eh...? Was I not supposed to say all that? Sheepy: Dio: Will I get yelled at if staff find out? Sheepy: Dio: I don't really like getting yelled at... Sheepy: Dio: But just because I do it doesn't mean you should. They usually just act like pests for me, but others would be torn to shreds. Arsé-kun: Kay: No shit?? No fuckin' shit???? Sheepy: Dio: Gosh, I kinda just put my foot in my mouth, huh? Sheepy: Dio: Now I'll get questions like "how?" and, uh...I dunno. Sheepy: Dio: Other intrusive questions...? Arsé-kun: Kay: Absolutely fucking not. Fuck you and whatever you do in there, I'm gonna get wasted. Sheepy: Dio: Hey, make sure to drink responsibly. Arsé-kun: Kay: I want to be legally unable to be liable for decisions. Sheepy: Dio: Any alcohol fulfills that requirement. Arsé-kun: Kay: I want to be so inebriated that stealing construction vehicles and joyriding them across campus sounds like a good idea before not even making it that far. Sheepy: Dio: Ehhh... Guess it's good you've got a roommate now to stop you from doing that. Arsé-kun: Kay: Maybe even more. Don't you have work to be doing? Go, act out your mature adult job. Sheepy: Dio: I'm kinda worried now... Sheepy: Dio: But I guess I'll leave it up to your roommates to keep you safe. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Bedivere would anti-thot him into next WEEK if he did that shit, it ain't happening. Sheepy: Grif:? Sheepy: Grif: Bedi... can send people to the future? Arsé-kun: Merlin: It's an expression. Sheepy: Grif:....I don't understand. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *Ahem* To "knock someone into next week" is to "strike with a very great, almost comical level of force." Sheepy: Grif: I see. Sheepy: Grif: That's what I do to my enemies. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Lets hope I don't become one! I like living. Sheepy: Grif: No. I like you. Arsé-kun: *there's a cloud shaped like Kay where he was once standing. blinking dotted outline. the whole nine yards and ten inches. ok not really but he did leave the scene* Sheepy: Grif: You're nice to my family. So I like you. ...Hm, Kay left. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yeah, he did, he's never happy about stuff like that. Sheepy: Grif: Why? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Did you think he wears an eyepatch for fun? Sheepy: Grif:...? Sheepy: Grif: Uh... I don't know. Arsé-kun: Merlin: .... Man, he ain't gonna explain and Bedi will just say "It's my fault" ad nauseum. Arsé-kun: *Merlin sighs heavily* Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'll order us lunch and I'll tell you the deets. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Fuck, me too. Sheepy: Grif: I haven't had good food in a while... Arsé-kun: *Merlin steps out to order pizza. phone calls. it takes like five minutes tops* Sheepy: Grif:...? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Made a phone call. Okay, do you want the long or short version? Sheepy: Grif: Long is fine. Sheepy: Grif: Short wjll just leave me confused. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Once upon a time, Bedi, when he was like... 11? Saw a small animal being attacked at the edge of the path, and charged in to save it. Kay, about the same age, tried to save HIM. It, uh, it didn't go well. Sheepy: Grif:....? So that small animal must be Fou. Sheepy: Grif: Based on the tension Kay had around it. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yeah. Fou rarely leaves him. Kay nearly lost an eye from it, but poor Bedi... Eugh. Sheepy: Grif: Bedi lost his arm, right? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yeeep. Whole thing, torn right off. I about shit when he told me in the hospital. And Kay watched it happen apparently. Sheepy: Grif: I haven't seen him for a while. I was confused seeing his arm now being metal... So this is why. Sheepy: Grif: And this is why Kay screamed upon seeing me. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's exactly why. I've told him alcohol isn't a solution, but he replied by holding up rubbing alcohol and saying that it IS a solution. And then bonking me over the head with it several times. Sheepy: Grif: I've heard consuming rubbing alcohol is a good way to go blind. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Also true. Don't think he drinks that. I hope not. He's blind enough. Sheepy: Grif: However, it's listed as a consumable in my inventory.... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Don't you eat books? Sheepy: Grif: ...Am I not supposed to? Arsé-kun: Merlin: No???? Sheepy: Grif: Those are listed as consumables, too... Sheepy: Grif:...Right, but Kay said it won't grow back, which I don't understand because when I lose limbs, they grow back. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That sounds like a you thing. Sheepy: Grif: ...? Sheepy: Grif: Hmm... Arsé-kun: Merlin: We can't. Maybe I could with a solid spell? But not normally. Sheepy: Grif: Hmmm.... So you just lose it...and then it's gone? Sheepy: Grif: My quest is to protect everyone... but humans are so fragile, and I can only fight so much. It's...frustrating. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yeah, it is, isn't it? Sheepy: Grif: So, you're in the same situation. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Kind of? But I've got people to watch and homework to do. Sheepy: Grif: I don't have such responsibilities. Until now, I didn't think much of the people I saved losing parts. It's normal for me. ...I thought they'd grow back. Arsé-kun: Merlin: So what you need is to make sure those people don't lose limbs. Sheepy: Grif: Hmmm.... So if I grow stronger, I can protect them better... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Better get on that somehow without coming back lookin' like a horror movie villain. Sheepy: Grif: Like last night? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Exactly like that. Sheepy: Grif: I should apologize to him for that. Arsé-kun: Kay: But will you? *welcome back, Kay, from sitting in the bathroom sink with the door closed* Sheepy: Grif: .....?! Arsé-kun: Kay: I wasn't even far. Sheesh, you two acted like I vanished entirely. Do you mind? Sheepy: Grif:....Uh.... I'm not experienced with this. Sheepy: Grif: No, I don't mind. Arsé-kun: Kay: Whatever, you said the intention. Sheepy: Grif: I'll fight more carefully in the future. For you. I don't want to upset people. I thought you were messing with me. Sheepy: Grif: People scream when they see a monster, so... Arsé-kun: Kay: Griflet, you came in looking like you'd killed at least five people! Sheepy: Grif: Well, I defeated more than five enemies. Sheepy: Grif: However, embarrassingly... Most of that blood was mine. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Maybe don't bleed out so much next time. It's good for you? Sheepy: Grif:....Very embarrassing... Usually cool knights just get a cut on their face that makes them look cooler... Meanwhile.... I looked like I lost. Sheepy: Grif: Right, I'll just not bleed the next time I lose part of me. Arsé-kun: Kay: Doesn't work that way. Sheepy: Grif: Uh? It doesn't? Sheepy: Grif: So I'm not weak for bleeding. Arsé-kun: Kay: Nah, it's just gross and uncomfortable and also I hate it. Sheepy: Grif: Right, I'll think of you the next time I go out there and try to be more careful next time. Arsé-kun: Kay: .... *he considers this* Sheepy: Grif: I'm sure I can reduce injuries if I don't rush. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Very likely! Sheepy: Grif: And maybe my food will be less chopped up... Arsé-kun: Kay: You actually... Sheepy: Grif:? Well, after combat, I get very hungry, and they're basically weird beasts, so... Sheepy: Grif: It's only a little different from normal meat. Arsé-kun: Kay: gross Sheepy: Grif:?! Sheepy: Grif: It doesn't taste that bad. Arsé-kun: Kay: Somehow? Somehow that doesn't help. What is it, weird calamari? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Arsé-kun: Kay: huh. Sheepy: Grif: I don't know if it's edible for most people, but they don't really give enough food here and the food they don't give me costs too much. Arsé-kun: Merlin: What can they do? It's an ongoing crisis. Sheepy: Grif: Yes, so my main option is to eat my enemies. Sheepy: Grif: But when I try cooking it, I always burn it... Sheepy: Grif: Raw works out better, but I like cooked food more. Arsé-kun: Kay: Okay, that's enough about that. Sheepy: Grif: Eh? Alright. Sheepy: Grif: I'll get better as I try harder. My cooking skill is currently level 1. You can try it when my cooking skill is level 10. Sheepy: Grif: Speaking of levels, my bond level with you has increased from [LVL 0 - Stranger] to [LVL 1 - Roommate]. Arsé-kun: Kay: So you can't cook. Sheepy: Grif: I can't. Sheepy: Grif: Can you? Arsé-kun: Kay: I survived myself here without ordering take-out daily. I hope I can. Sheepy: Grif: Can you teach me? Arsé-kun: Kay: Most food has written instructions on the box. If there is a box. Sheepy: Grif:...... Sheepy: Grif:....It's been stressful for us both, so I understand you not remembering what I mentioned when I moved in. Arsé-kun: Kay: Yes, I am aware of it. You see the issue. Sheepy: Grif: Well, as long as you don't write it down, it works. Sheepy: Grif: I learn very quickly. Arsé-kun: Kay: But what about learning to read? Sheepy: Grif: I'm trying. Arsé-kun: Kay: I mean, how would it work... Eh, nevermind. Sheepy: Grif: What? Sheepy: Grif: The professors have been helping me but I already could recognize some key words and phrases. Sheepy: Grif: Menu. Equipmemt. Items. Key items. Consumables. Skills. Relationships. Glossary. Sheepy: Grif: However, I rarely hear those words used in conversation. Arsé-kun: Kay: And you still say you're not a gamer? Sheepy: Grif:...? I never play games. Arsé-kun: Kay: Then why...? Sheepy: Grif:...? Sheepy: Grif: It's how my menu is... Arsé-kun: Kay: I regret asking this-- What menu? Sheepy: Grif: Ah. I'll show you. Sheepy: *Grif lifts his hand up in front of him and... a menu screen appears in front of him!* Sheepy: Grif: My dad made this for me to improve quality of life. Quests are automatically sent to it so I can easily find them. Relationships are compiled within it so I can remember everyone important who I meet. Arsé-kun: Kay: Okay, that's.. Actually really cool? *Kay wants to inspect the floating menu screen* Arsé-kun: *merlin furiously taking notes in the bg* Sheepy: Grif: ...! *he briefly appears flustered. something about him...cool?* ...I'll tell him that you called it cool. Sheepy: Grif: As I discover recipes, they'll be added to the menu, but...I have none at the moment. Arsé-kun: Kay: So you can read this but not much else.. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. The fine details in the menu aren't in English. Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Then what's it in? Sheepy: Grif: R'lyehian. Arsé-kun: Kay: Why is.. Sheepy: Grif: It's my first language. Arsé-kun: Kay: You know what? I can't complain about that. Sheepy: Grif: But speaking it around people causes issues. Sheepy: Grif: So I don't. Sheepy: Grif: Maybe it's why Lucan doesn't like me very much. Sheepy: Grif: If you haven't met him, he's fun. I like him. Sheepy: Grif: He's good at running away. But not good enough. Sheepy: Grif: If you don't run strategically, you'll always be caught in the end. He's fast. But he corners himself. Cornering players is how you win tag. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Biting people is not how you win tag. Sheepy: Grif:...?! Arsé-kun: Kay: Why is THAT a revelation?? Sheepy: Grif: Anything goes in tag, right? Arsé-kun: Kay: No?? Sheepy: Grif: Although, playing mind games takes most of the fun out of it. Sheepy: Grif: "We aren't playing tag" was his common one. But why did he run from me otherwise? Sheepy: Grif: Although, such things are of the past... I can't really utilize this new information you've given me. Sheepy: Grif: It would've been nice to know that before. Sheepy: Grif: Swords are more useful generally. Arsé-kun: Kay: Please don't chase people with a sword Sheepy: Grif:? Not people. Sheepy: Grif: I only chase my enemies with a sword. Sheepy: Grif: Anyway, I've been wondering. Sheepy: Grif: Majors are like an area of study, right? Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah. Sheepy: Grif: But what happens after that? Arsé-kun: Kay: Then we hopefully graduate and hopefully get a job. Sheepy: Grif: Majors are how you get a job...? Sheepy: Grif: So my major is in combat, then? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'd believe that. Sheepy: Grif: And yours is in.... Sheepy: Grif: Being a wizard? Sheepy: Grif: Warrior class... Mage class... We just need a tank class and a ranged class now. Sheepy: Grif:....I'm joking, of course. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Legally no, but I wish it was. Sheepy: Grif: Then what is it? Arsé-kun: *Merlin just smiles at him. Doesn't answer* Sheepy: Grif: Ah.... your major is in the art of smiling. Sheepy: Grif: I need to take classes on that eventually. Convenient they have those. Sheepy: Grif: If you have any tips for me, I'd like to hear them. I never smile because it looks strange. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's not what I'm going for, but sure. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Step one! Don't force it Sheepy: Grif: How? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Just don't do it intentionally and forcefully. Unless it's smiling for a picture, then it's ok. Sheepy: Grif:...... Sheepy: Grif: That's hard. Sheepy: Grif: I can't think of any situation where it wouldn't be forced. Sheepy: Grif: I feel happy often, but don't think I smile when I am. Sheepy: Bedi: *He enters, carrying pizza! He has Fou and Elyan with him.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Pizza time! Sheepy: Bedi: I'm happy to see you're all getting along. Sheepy: Grif: When you said you called food, I was hoping it'd magically appear, but it was just Bedi. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I mean, that's pretty close! Sheepy: Grif: Bedi's not food... Arsé-kun: Merlin: But he brought it! Sheepy: Bedi: I think I got what you wanted. I found this weird bird on the way back and he wouldn't stop following Fou and me... Arsé-kun: Kay: That's Griflet's. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah... I understand now. Sheepy: *Bedi puts the food down.* Sheepy: Bedi: If I made any errors, my apologies. I was a little distracted by, um... Sheepy: Elyan: *he's sitting on Bedi's shoulder and pecking at the zippers on his backpack...* Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he goes to lift Elyan off of Bedi* Sheepy: *Elyan doesn't mind this.* Sheepy: Grif: He's friendly. Arsé-kun: Fou: feowww! Sheepy: Grif: So is this dog. Sheepy: Grif:....Rabbit? Sheepy: Bedi: Cat. Arsé-kun: Kay: hellbeast Sheepy: Bedi: No!! Sheepy: Bedi: He's sweet and cute. Sheepy: Grif:...Hmm... Sheepy: Grif: So Lucan must be gone because he got eaten by this rabbit. Rabbits are fairly deadly. Sheepy: Bedi: He's a rabb- cat...! Sheepy: Bedi: And anyway, Lucan just lives elsewhere. Sheepy: Grif: Heaven is elsewhere. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Lucan isn't dead yet!! Sheepy: Grif: What? Sheepy: Grif: That's a surprise. Arsé-kun: Kay: I know, right? Sheepy: Grif: I was expecting him to be eaten first. He's very good at being cornered and he's terrible at hiding. Sheepy: Grif: Very bad combination. Arsé-kun: Merlin: He's gotten better! Now he's just sick. All the time. Not sure if that makes things easier for monsters or not. Sheepy: Grif: Their sense of smell is great, however, so hiding wouldn't help too much. Sheepy: Grif: Hmmm...I wonder why. Sheepy: Grif: What changed...? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Chronic overwork despite perfect hygiene. Sheepy: Grif: Ah. Sheepy: Grif: His major is in overwork... Arsé-kun: Merlin: He's a Law major. Sheepy: Grif: Law? Ah, I know those. Sheepy: Grif: Such as... Sheepy: Grif: "Don't take things unless nobody can see you". Sheepy: Grif: "Don't swing swords at people, but monsters are fine." Arsé-kun: Merlin: *clearly goofing off* "Stop! You have violated the Law! Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit!" Sheepy: Grif:....?! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Is joke! Sheepy: Grif: Ah.... Sheepy: Grif:......Ha. Ha. Ha. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Sheesh, for someone who speaks exclusively in gamer terms, you really don't know shit about 'em. Arsé-kun: Merlin: We can change that. Sheepy: Grif: My dad plays them often. Sheepy: Grif: He plays Cold Dude Tea. Sheepy: Bedi:...Call of Duty??? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. That. Sheepy: Grif: My other dad doesn't play many games but he likes playing things called "dating sims". I'm guessing it's about archeology. Arsé-kun: Merlin: No, it's about dating cute people. Sheepy: Grif: Hmm...? Sheepy: Grif: Ah, that's just his hobby in general... Sheepy: Grif: He wants to discover what humans consider "true love" and experience their version for himself because he finds humans fascinating and wants to learn more about them. Arsé-kun: Kay: So is that the Nyar side of the family..? Or....? Sheepy: Grif: No. Arsé-kun: Kay: oh Sheepy: Grif: That's the other side of my family. Arsé-kun: Kay: Sick gaming monsters. Cool. Okay. Sheepy: Grif: They aren't monsters. Sheepy: Grif: They're a loving couple and great parents. And sometimes one marries humans. That's okay. I take after my dad's side. I look a lot like him. Sheepy: Grif: I'm clearly not a monster, so neither are they. Monsters hurt people. I don't. I protect them. Arsé-kun: Kay: So what do you call Nyar? Pretty polite princess bitch?? Sheepy: Grif: We aren't alike! Sheepy: Grif: He hurts people. He's my enemy! My parents aren't like him. I'm not like him! Arsé-kun: Kay: Well, good! We'd have a lot of problems if you were! Sheepy: *Grif's seemingly permanently neutral, blank expression has shifted to one of anger...* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Look, I love drama too, but can we not do this? Over our pizza? Sheepy: Grif: *he shuts up, but that doesn't stop his glare* Sheepy: Bedi: Right, it'll get cold. Arsé-kun: Kay: Here. Take this. *he picks up Fou unhappily and plops him in Grif's lap* You can hold it. Sheepy: Grif: *he hesitantly shifts his glare from Kay to Fou, which softens upon reaching Fou. He starts petting Fou, mumbling something about "not being a monster"...* Arsé-kun: Kay: I didn't mean You... Ugh, forget it. What a fucking mess. Sheepy: Grif: No. I don't care. Think what you want. Don't change your tune just because I got mad. Arsé-kun: Kay: Literally not what I said, but okay. Sure. Sheepy: Grif: No, by saying my parents are monsters, you're saying I'm one too. Sheepy: Grif: But you wouldn't be the first. Arsé-kun: Kay: Then what the hell do I say? It ain't like I expected someone to exist and ask me to know more than like five things. Sheepy: Grif: I don't know. Not assuming they're monsters instantly? Arsé-kun: Kay: Okay, fine. Nyar is the monster and everyone else is the cute ones from Monsters Inc. Sheepy: Grif:....Monsters...inc? Sheepy: Grif:.....? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Well, I know what I'm putting on tonight! Sheepy: Grif: Putting on? Sheepy: Grif: You're dressing up? Sheepy: Grif:... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Shoot, I may as well do that too! Sheepy: Grif: I have many. Sheepy: Grif: They boost my charm. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Man, speaking of, y'all ready for Halloween week? I've got all my costumes set up- Oh, yeah? I bet they do. Sheepy: Grif:....Uh... Sheepy: Grif:..... Sheepy: Grif: Halloween week? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh man! You've probably seen it before. It's the week everyone is in costumes. Sheepy: Grif: How do I even deal with that...? If an enemy appears... everyone looks like an enemy. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh, you just assume everyone's friendly. No sense bothering with it when everyone's just having fun. Sheepy: Grif: Fun... Sheepy: Grif:....I want to have fun, too. Sheepy: Bedi: We four can dress up together. Sheepy: Grif:..... Sheepy: Grif: [Quest Obtained: H(all)ow's My Costume?] Arsé-kun: *kay just applies his hand to he bridge of his nose. it's gonna be a long month* Sheepy: Bedi: Kay, how about you? Arsé-kun: Kay: What? Sheepy: Bedi: Do you have a costume ready? Arsé-kun: Kay: I was hoping you wouldn't ask. Sheepy: Bedi: If you don't, you can go as yourself. A good person! Arsé-kun: *Kay snorts* Arsé-kun: Merlin: If he went as the opposite of himself, that might be hard. Yaks are hairier than he is! Arsé-kun: *merlin gets hit with a throw pillow for his sins. by kay. of course.* Sheepy: Grif: Kay... becomes a yak on Halloween... Arsé-kun: Kay: nononoon Sheepy: Grif:...That's an unfortunate alternative to werewolves...! Arsé-kun: Merlin: I heard we got one of those on campus! Maybe more! That, or some really excited dogs! Sheepy: Grif: Amazing! Sheepy: Grif: I've never fought one before. Sheepy: Grif: I want to fight a were yak! Sheepy: *Grif seems excited!* Sheepy: Grif:...Hmmm...? Those are alright... Sheepy: Grif: I want to see a yak... Sheepy: Bedi: One day when everything is back to normal, we all can go to the zoo. Arsé-kun: Kay: Brave words for someone within Fou's bullshit distance. Sheepy: Grif: I've been there before. They have cats, dogs, and even fish. They sell you smaller fish to feed to larger fish. But why not feed the larger fish to all fhe smaller fish? They seemed hungry. Sheepy: Grif: However, I didn't even see a horse, let alone a yak. Arsé-kun: Merlin: the discount zoo is really lacking. Sheepy: Grif: Can you buy horses at a real zoo? Sheepy: Bedi: I miss the real zoo... Arsé-kun: Kay: I miss 20-20 vision. Shit happens. Sheepy: Bedi: I wasn't thinking...! I just saw him in danger, and before I knew it... I was there! *he's clutching Airgetlam tightly...* The only thing I'd change is you not being there that day. Arsé-kun: Kay: Why, so you can lose more than an arm? Fuck off with that shit. Sheepy: Bedi: It's not as though you being there changed a thing! All it did was get you hurt too! Arsé-kun: Merlin: SO HOW ABOUT THAT AIRLINE FOOD Sheepy: Grif: This is what they call a non square door. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Non sequitur, you mean. Sheepy: Grif: That. Sheepy: Grif: It's when you transition nonsensically because everything is terrible. Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize for my outburst. I should be better than that. Arsé-kun: Kay: I don't, because I'm not. Olé. Sheepy: Bedi: No, you deserve to be angry. Sheepy: Grif: I see. I enter a dorm of heavily flawed people, destined to try to solve their problems as I discover friendship and acceptance. Arsé-kun: Kay: Don't you have your own problems to deal with, bud? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: Thankfully, they're within arm reach. Arsé-kun: Kay: what the Fuck is that supposed to mean Sheepy: Grif: We can hold hands with ease. Arsé-kun: Kay: Ew, no! That is not where I expected that to go! *despite this, he's still flustered* Sheepy: Grif: As my roommate, you are my problem. Arsé-kun: Kay: Then get ready for a lot of problems forever. Sheepy: Grif: Will we come to befriend one another? Or will we avoid each other, wishing the other ill will? Sheepy: Grif: I'd rather the former. Arsé-kun: Merlin: find out next time on dragon ball z Sheepy: Grif: I don't have any friends other than Elyan and my parents. Sheepy: Grif: But you don't have any choices in friends other than me so you can't be too picky. Sheepy: Grif: Simply, I want you to be my friend. Sheepy: Grif: However, if you view me as a monster, you'll just scream and run away like last night. Arsé-kun: Kay: That wasn't because of YOU, moron, it was... Uh, well.. Arsé-kun: Kay: Do I gotta say it? Merlin already blabbed! Sheepy: Grif: But it's the response I often get. Sheepy: Grif: So it hurts me to get that response. Arsé-kun: Kay: Then maybe don't come back looking like you commit a triple homicide. That's my only condition. Sheepy: Grif: It's my job. Arsé-kun: Kay: .... You won't be bloody if you don't get hit. Sheepy: Grif: I'll get hit less for you. Sheepy: Grif: In turn, we'll be friends. Although, while my charm is high, my charisma is low. Sheepy: Grif: So I have difficulties having small talk and I get burnt out with conversation easily. Sheepy: Grif: So being friends with me will be difficult. However, I've heard people who go to college like a challenge. Sheepy: *Merlin gets a text.* Arsé-kun: *Merlin's phone specifically does the *beep beep de beep* from kim possible, you know the sound* Sheepy: Grif:...beep beep. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ...?? *he checks* What does the football scholarship man want now? Sheepy: Gawain: [text: to Merlin] Were goinf ghost huntung @ that old hoyse!! Wanna come?? Arsé-kun: Merlin: [text: to Gawain] Can you guys PLEASE plan things in advance for FIVE MINUTES? I was just sitting down to watch Monster's Inc! Arsé-kun: Merlin: [text: to Gawain] Are you guys already there? Sheepy: Gawain: [text: to Merlin] Yea Arsé-kun: Merlin: Bedi, you can stay if you want, but Foobaw's offering some ghost hunting and you know I can't say no! Sheepy: Bedi: I'll come with you. Arsé-kun: Kay: Don't die. Good luck have fun and all that. Sheepy: Bedi: Worry not. Ghosts aren't real. Sheepy: Bedi: And anyway, Gawain will be their first target. Sheepy: *Bedi heads out!* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Hey, hey, wait up!! Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...right, sorry. Sheepy: *Bedi waits for Merlin.* Arsé-kun: *Merlin catches up with his coat, Bedi's coat, and his Cool Wizard Staff. Okay! Now we can go!* Sheepy: *Bedi puts his coat on, thanks Merlin, and heads off!* Sheepy: *in front of the old house is a group of people.* Sheepy: Gawain: Hey, there you are! Sheepy: Lucan: *he's with Gawain, wearing a flu mask. For once, he's out of the hospital!* Sheepy: Gawain: We were just going to go in without you! Sheepy: Lucan: No, we weren't. Arsé-kun: Lot: We weren't? Sheepy: Lucan: Well, we should have. Sheepy: Tristan: *snore* Arsé-kun: Lot: We really should have. We already lost Tristan. Sheepy: Lucan: No huge loss. Sheepy: Lucan: No, wait... if we need a sacrifice, he's perfect! Arsé-kun: Lot: He's too unimportant. It wouldn't work. Sheepy: Tristan:...Oh... this is so sad... Merlin's been deemed unimportant... *harp strum* I'll cry for you, my friend. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Can't I at least decide on my own sad sacrifical scene?! Sheepy: Lucan: Oh, you're offering to be our sacrifice? Arsé-kun: Merlin: No!!! Sheepy: Lucan: Too bad... Sheepy: Lucan: Anyway, we shouldn't stand around forever. I'm not supposed to be out, but a certain someone dragged me out claiming that some "vitamin D in my lungs should make them stronger". Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, that makes sense. The sun makes plants grow so your lungs should grow, too. Arsé-kun: Merlin: You know what? I think listening to Grif made more sense than this whole exchange. Sheepy: Bedi:...I'm kidding, of course. Sheepy: Gawain: Anyway, let's go, team! Sheepy: *Gawain heads in. Tristan sticks with Lance and Lot rather than following Gawain, still playing his harp* Arsé-kun: Merlin: See, now THAT'S an unwitting sacrifice waiting to happen! Sheepy: Lucan: Let's let him go alone. Arsé-kun: Lance: So Tristan can cry about it later? Let's not. Sheepy: Lucan: You're no fun. Sheepy: *The group heads into the house.* Sheepy: *Gawain is lying on the floor...* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh, he's dead, how tragic. Lets go home. Sheepy: Lucan: I'm sure nobody will care. Sheepy: Tristan: *sob* How sad...! He was so young! Arsé-kun: Merlin: I was joking... Sheepy: Gawain: *groan* Sheepy: *Gawain clumsily pulls himself up.* Sheepy: Gawain: Something jumped on me. Arsé-kun: Lance: If it can knock you down, it must be big... Sheepy: Gawain: I didn't see it very well, but it was huge! Sheepy: Gawain: And after it hit me, it just hovered over me for a bit before leaving...! Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's.... Concerning, actually. Sheepy: Lucan: Maybe it was leaving to get a chainsaw. Arsé-kun: Lance: Not a good weapon. The chain is too fragile. Sheepy: Lucan: No self respecting haunted house doesn't have at least one monster with a chainsaw to chase down the first victim. Sheepy: Lucan: But if Gawain uses his skull to protect himself, he should be fine. It's full of rocks. Sheepy: Bedi: He should get that looked into... Arsé-kun: Lot: Well, after he inevitably gets his head cracked open, even we could look into it. Sheepy: Lucan: Not that we would find much. Sheepy: Gawain: Hey, you'd find every rule of football in there at least. Arsé-kun: Lot: Rule one: concussion Sheepy: Lucan: Hey, Tristan's good at that Arsé-kun: Lot: Rule two: foot the ball. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah, like this one? *he gestures to the ball rolling by their feet. It seems to have come from a nearby room...?* Sheepy: Gawain: If a ghost wants to play ball with me, how can I deny them? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Are you sure about this? I'm getting some bad vibes here. Sheepy: Gawain: What's the worst that could happen? Sheepy: Gawain: Think about it logically. If people actually died here, the school would just burn the place down. Arsé-kun: Merlin: "Gawain's football career came to an abrupt end when he underestimated the dead and lost his leg. His only statement on the matter was "My friends were right. I do have rocks in my brain."" Sheepy: Gawain: Heyheyhey, I need my football career!!! Sheepy: Bedi: I think Merlin is right. This is a bad idea. Sheepy: Gawain: So it's a child ghost, right? It must just be lonely and want friends. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Those are some of the worst kinds!! Sheepy: Gawain:...Although, whatever hit me wasn't a child and definitely went into the room this ball came from. Sheepy: Gawain: Maybe they're the worst because they're lonely. Arsé-kun: Merlin: You're a lost cause. If you end up child sacrificee, it's your problem. Sheepy: Gawain: Ouch...! Sheepy: *Something big sounds like it's approaching them. Quickly. It comes into view...!* Sheepy: *It's a big, fluffy wolf with a bandana around its neck, its tail wagging at a million mph. It has a stuffed bear in its mouth. It hesitates briefly before it... playbows!* Arsé-kun: Merlin: :O Sheepy: Bedi: Um...That's not a child. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh, oh! Are you Lobo?? *he's gone from serious to Excited real quick* Sheepy: Lobo: *he approaches Merlin before dropping the toy in front of him. He proceeds to nuzzle Merlin! Hello friend! Hello! You smell nice!!!* Sheepy: Gawain: Yeah, that's what tackled me! Arsé-kun: Lance: It's a giant dog... Sheepy: Gawain: It seems friendly. Sheepy: Gawain: I guess the ghost in this house was actually just a stray dog that took up residence here. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, I've heard of Lobo. He's a fan of the math professor. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he looks up and away from Lobo for a moment. right. bad vibes* There's something else. What I felt wasn't this big furball. Sheepy: Lobo: *he suddenly stops showering Merlin with affection, turning his attention to the front door. His friendly expression shifts to one of pure malice, followed by snarling...* Sheepy: ?: Hey! So nice of you to come over and play! I don't get so many friends here, so I'll pick the game, okay? Sheepy: Lucan: No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. You're supposed to go, "eheheh, wanna play?" before pulling a knife on us and singing, "let's play hide and seek~!" before giving us a few minutes of time to flee and then slaughtering all of us. Sheepy: Lucan: Of course, because we stupidly split up, we can't just send you to the next life by punting you. Sheepy: ?: ....... Sheepy: Lucan: Anyway, I'll give you a chance to try that again and I'll rate your performance. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *with his phone camera rolling* Can you just turn into a horrible thing next? Sheepy: ?: ....You're...really killing my vibes. Sheepy: Lucan: 1/10. Arsé-kun: Merlin: .... You can keep teasing if you want, but I'm gonna stop. Sheepy: ?: ...Alright, you've ticked me off! I wait all year for this and you guys just come in here and criticize me...?! Sheepy: ?: *their body begins twisting and contorting before something that very much belongs off the path bursts out of them!* Arsé-kun: Merlin: THAT'S WHY IT'S TIME TO GO HAHA FUCK Sheepy: Lucan: What is that doing on the path?! Sheepy: ?: You wanna play hide and seek, eh? Ten! Sheepy: Lobo: *whiiiiiiine, growlllll* Arsé-kun: Lot: You suggested it!! Merlin's right, lets get the hell out of here! Sheepy: Lucan: Well, it's decided to block rhe front door, so I guess we should just break a window, huh...?! Sheepy: ?: Five! Arsé-kun: Lot: Shut up and hide, idiot! Sheepy: *Lucan takes Lot's advice.* Sheepy: ?: One...! Arsé-kun: *NOBODY'S HERE BUT US LIGHTS AND WE'RE ALL OUT* Sheepy: *The monster begins seeking them.* Sheepy: ?: You know, this is where I say "come out, come out, wherever you are...!" But you know what? What kind of idiot actually comes out upon being asked, huh? Sheepy: ?: Hey, hey. Knock knock. Sheepy: Gawain, hidden: Who's there? Sheepy: ?: M͖̺͖̩̜̦͓͝E͚̪̥̮̺̰̖! *he lunges at Gawain and grabs him. Gawain screams!* Sheepy: *The creature drags Gawain off...* Sheepy: *Gawain's shouting grows fainter as a door audibly opens. It stops upon the door closing.* Arsé-kun: *well he's dead* Sheepy: *Lobo is with Merlin and Bedi, gently nudging Merlin with his snout. Somewhere along the way, he picked up the teddy bear he had previously.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Do you want us to follow you..? Sheepy: *Lobo starts walking away before turning to look expectantly at Merlin. Seems that’s a yes!* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Bedi, lets go, before the weird child catches up. Sheepy: Bedi: Right. Sheepy: *Bedi follows Lobo.* Arsé-kun: *Merlin does as well* Sheepy: *Lobo leads them to an upstairs room.* Arsé-kun: *you know how loud Old keyboards are? the big blocky white ones? yeah. Yeah. it's loud* Sheepy: *Lobo walks in, uncaring about his intrusion of privacy. Bedi hesitantly follows.* Sheepy: Lobo: *he approaches the source of the sound, tail wagging* Arsé-kun: *the typing briefly stops and lobo gets pet. typing resumes* Sheepy: Bedi: ...Um, hello? I hope we aren't bothering you, but our friend ran into here and ended up getting attacked... Now something is after us. Sheepy: Bedi: So if you could help us, that would be appreciated. Arsé-kun: *typing has stopped again. another monitor in the room-which is covered in computer stuff- flickers on. more typing* Arsé-kun: ?: *text on the second monitor* [I HEARD. I WILL PROVDE ASSISTANCE. /end] Sheepy: Bedi: Thank you! Sheepy: Bedi: We won't come uninvited again. I apologize for our rude behavior. Arsé-kun: *♪I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WOO-OOORLD♫* Arsé-kun: ?: [HE IS NOT HARD TO LOCATE. /end] Sheepy: ?: *They yelp, shifting to a much more presentable look - that of a very familiar janitor/counselor - before answering the phone* Arsé-kun: ?: Get out of my house. Sheepy: Nyar: I'm busy teaching these idiots survival techniques! Arsé-kun: ?: You're scaring Lobo. Finish throwing them outside and then leave. Sheepy: Nyar: Ugh, fine! Nobody here is any fun! Arsé-kun: ?: .... Do you need help? Sheepy: Nyar: Yeah. Nobody's reacting like they used to. Sheepy: Nyar: You know what the problem is with college students? Arsé-kun: ?: That they're more afraid of debt and their futures than you? Get with the times, old man. Sheepy: Nyar: They take one look at me shifting into an abomination and ask me out! Arsé-kun: ?: That sounds like an entirely personal problem. Do you want the breaker down or the sprinklers up? Sheepy: Nyar: Breaker? Arsé-kun: ?: Breaker it is. *a flip by the desk is flipped. the power goes out downstairs. All of it* Sheepy: Nyar: Thanks! Sheepy: Bedi:.? Sheepy: Bedi:...So we're just... free to go, right? Sheepy: Bedi: But we have to get Lucan before we go. Everyone else... if his goal is just to throw people out, um... Arsé-kun: ?: [YOU CAN LEAVE. HE'S HARMLESS. IT'S THE SEASON. /end] Sheepy: Bedi: Thank you. I appreciate it. Sheepy: *Bedi exits to look for Lucan, followed by Lobo* Arsé-kun: *Merlin takes a moment to catch onto this trend. He was busy being starry-eyed at the ghost. Don't worry, he will catch up.* Sheepy: Bedi: We should check if he's outside first. Arsé-kun: *Merlin presses his face against one of the windows* Arsé-kun: Merlin: I see...! Nothing because it's dirty as hell. Sheepy: Bedi: Hmmm... Sheepy: Bedi: Let's go outside. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Good plan. Sheepy: *Bedi heads outside.* Arsé-kun: *Merlin follows him, of course* Sheepy: *Tristan is lying facedown on the ground, Gawain prodding him. Lucan is sitting nearby, looking pale.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: I take it you three are okay? Sheepy: Gawain: Your butt usually comes pre-cracked but he decided to help out and crack it for me just in case. Sheepy: Tristan: *mumbling* Sheepy: Gawain: Man, if this affects my upcoming game...! Sheepy: Bedi: That'd be your fault, wouldn't it? Sheepy: *Lucan's uncharacteristically quiet.* Sheepy: Gawain: Hey, wait... Sheepy: Gawain: You guys just walked out, didn't you? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Okay, so! There is actually a ghost and he's NOT happy with the other guy! Sheepy: Gawain: Ugh, and I missed it? I was happy thinking maybe I saw it and it was this dog. Sheepy: Bedi: I don't think he's a ghost... Arsé-kun: Merlin: The upstairs typing guy was totally a ghost! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, no, I agree. Sheepy: Bedi: I just don't think Lobo is. Sheepy: Gawain: I really miss everything! Sheepy: Lobo: *in the background he's harassing Lucan in an attempt to comfort him. the goodest boy* Sheepy: Gawain: Did I miss anything else? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Someone's cell phone blasting Barbie Girl. I think it was that custodian. Sheepy: Gawain: Custodian? Sheepy: Gawain: That creep who always has a smug grin? Sheepy: Bedi: My cousin called him his "uncle", which doesn't bring me comfort... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Apparently it's his idea of a fun time to mess with kids and "Teach them proper survival skills". I think we all failed. Sheepy: Bedi: So far, Lance and Lot haven't. Sheepy: Bedi: Are they okay, I wonder...? Sheepy: *Lobo suddenly stops shoving his face into Lucan's space, lifting up his head and staring off into space* Arsé-kun: *very distant complaining* Sheepy: Bedi:...? Sheepy: *Grif comes into view, dragging Kay along with him* Sheepy: Lobo: *he snarls* Arsé-kun: Kay: ---And anyway, sure, fine, you want moral support, but can't you ask literally anyone ELSE?! Seriously? What am I gonna do?? Give Gawain another concussion?? Sheepy: Grif: No. You're my only human friend Sheepy: Grif: If you cheer me on, you'll like me more. Arsé-kun: Kay: *why am I here, just to suffer* Sheepy: Grif: Anyway, it looks like almost everyone is out. Arsé-kun: Merlin: .... Hi, Grif. Lobo's here. Look at him! *he pats Lobo* Look at the big good boy! Sheepy: Lobo: *he's anxiously watching Grif* Sheepy: Grif: He's my friend, secretly. Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Y'know, suddenly a lot of things make sense now. Sheepy: *Lobo doesn't appear to agree with Grif's statement.* Sheepy: Grif: Kay, are you a dog person? Arsé-kun: Kay: I'm human. Arsé-kun: Kay: Unless for once you're being figurative? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Arsé-kun: Kay: If I answer this, can you let me go?? Sheepy: Grif: You're coming with me, aren't you? Arsé-kun: Kay: In there? Where you said there was a.... Whatever you said?? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: I won't. Sheepy: Grif: I'll be fine. Because you told me not to come home roughed up. Sheepy: Grif: Anyway, it's my uncle, so I'm not too worried. Arsé-kun: Kay: oh no. Sheepy: Gawain: You guys are kinda late... Don't go in there. Something horrible is in there. Sheepy: Grif: Let's go inside, Kay. Arsé-kun: Kay: I don't think I'm getting much of a choice in the matter. Trust me, I don't want to. Sheepy: *Nyar stops prowling around and stares at the two blankly* Arsé-kun: Kay: Mr. Janitor? My roommate is here to obliterate you. Sheepy: Nyar: Hey, we can talk about this!! Sheepy: Grif: You two can talk over whatever you please as I beat you up. Arsé-kun: Kay: Can I at LEAST be out of combat range??? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Nyar: Listen, I was trying to teach them not to go into haunted mansions! Sheepy: Nyar: It starts off with mansions and only goes on to going off the path! Sheepy: Grif: Wrong. You've never done anything good intentionally. Arsé-kun: Kay: *backing away until he's with everyone else* Yeah, I don't know either. Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize for him dragging you here. He's... Arsé-kun: Kay: He's Grif. I know. Sheepy: Bedi: He doesn't listen very well. Arsé-kun: Kay: Eh. Yeah, probably. You guys wanna fuck outta here and watch movies? It's what I was trying to do before this. Sheepy: Lucan: What are you watching, horror movies? Great, not like I can get much worse. Let's do it. Sheepy: Gawain: Hey, let's go! Sheepy: Bedi: Maybe you should focus on getting better, not worse. Arsé-kun: Kay: I wasn't, but we may as well. It's not like anything can get better... Sheepy: Bedi: Things can always get better. Arsé-kun: Lance: Oh, it's over?*he's peering out the front door with Lot* Sheepy: Lucan: Yes, some creep walked in and presumably attacked what attacked us. Arsé-kun: Kay: That's my roommate, and that looks like the janitor. Arsé-kun: Lance: Oh, okay. *saying this, he casually threw aside a large rock* Sheepy: Lucan: Unfortunately also my cousin, but thankfully he didn't notice me. Arsé-kun: Kay: Probably for the best. Sheepy: Grif: *he's standing in the doorway. dad said it's his turn to play the xbox* No. Bedi said you're sick. You can't rush. ... Anyway, Kay, I want to find out how the movie ends. Monster's Ink. When will the writing start...? Will the child go home? And so on. Sheepy: Lucan:?! Sheepy: Lucan: Don't you dare get close to me and bite me. Sheepy: Grif: I can't bite you from afar. Sheepy: Lucan: Well, don't come at me, then! Arsé-kun: Kay: Grif, I thought you said you don't go after people. Lucan's a person, fuck off. Sheepy: Grif: I'm not going to bite him. I was pointing out an issue with his comment. Sheepy: Grif: Why would I bite him? Arsé-kun: Kay: You're so damn literal that I can't tell when you aren't. Whatever. Fuck this. I'm leaving. Sheepy: Grif: Where are we going? Arsé-kun: Kay: Where the hell do you think? Seriously. Sheepy: Grif: Usually in my brain. Sheepy: Grif: But I guess some people do it outside of their brain. Sheepy: Grif: So I suppose that's a valid question. Arsé-kun: Kay: Goddammit. Fucking hell. Fuck me running. Shut up and lets just go already. *he gestures vaguely towards everyone else that isn't Bedi and Merlin* You guys may as well show up, if Shitlips or Bedi didn't invite you already. Sheepy: Tristan: We will all go together. What a truly beautiful thing. Sheepy: Tristan: The beauty... of friendship. Sheepy: Grif: If I turned on my profanity censor, it would serve as a mute button for you. Arsé-kun: *Kay gives up around now* Sheepy: Grif:....Ha. Ha. Ha. Sheepy: Grif: I have no profanity censor. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Maybe not, but we really could get one for Kay. ... But then we really wouldn't hear from him! Sheepy: Grif: What a shame. Sheepy: Grif: It's fine. He can communicate through body language. Sheepy: *Grif starts following Kay. Ominous* Arsé-kun: *Kay doesn't bother telling him off. He's so absolutely finished with this scenario.* Sheepy: Grif: I feel like we've bonded today. Arsé-kun: Kay: I feel like I need booze. Sheepy: Grif: I feel the joy of friendship. Sheepy: Grif: But I can't relate to the need for booze. Sheepy: Grif: I don't drink. Sheepy: Lucan: I knew it. You have rabies after all. Arsé-kun: Lot: He doesn't look like an infected raccoon. Sheepy: Grif: No, I don't have any pets... and I wouldn't choose a rabies anyway. I'd probably choose a dog. Arsé-kun: Kay: So what the hell's that bird?? Sheepy: Grif: He's my friend. Sheepy: *There's an unexpected member of the group following everyone. It's Lobo!* Arsé-kun: Merlin: *PUBBY!!* Sheepy: Grif: I found him in a puddle. Arsé-kun: Lot: Like a parrot? Sheepy: Lobo: *he's sticking with Merlin!* Sheepy: Grif: Like a goose. Sheepy: Grif: You usually find geese in puddles. Parrots, not so much. Sheepy: Grif: However, could you find a parrot in a puddle? It's possible. Arsé-kun: Lot: Sure, why not? Any bird could use any water provided they fit in it. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: I can use any water provided I fit, too. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Don't use public fountains! Apparently that's looked down upon! But then why is it public? Sheepy: Grif: Birds use fountains to bathe so Ishould be able to use them too. Arsé-kun: Merlin: You're not a bird. Sheepy: Grif: And the laws are made for humans, yet they give birds rights that no human has. Sheepy: Bedi: No, it's just that birds won't listen to human laws. Sheepy: Grif: Nor will I. Arsé-kun: Lance: A bird once got arrested on larceny. Sheepy: Grif: What? Really? Sheepy: Grif: Did you arrest it? Arsé-kun: Lance: No? Sheepy: Grif: Hm. Mysterious... Sheepy: *They arrive at the dorm!* Sheepy: Grif: Behold. The dorm. Sheepy: Lucan: Yes, we've been here many times. Sheepy: Grif: Well, I haven't. Arsé-kun: *Fou is eating cold popcorn that got left behind* Sheepy: Grif: Hello, Fou. Arsé-kun: Fou: Fmmw Sheepy: Bedi: Is that good for Fou...? Arsé-kun: Kay: No idea. Don't care. Where's the bird? Sheepy: Grif: I don't see Elyan. Sheepy: Grif: Elyan? Sheepy: *There's no response...* Sheepy: Grif: Hm. Arsé-kun: Kay: Concerning. Find your bird. Sheepy: Grif: I'll check my room. You can check yours. Arsé-kun: Kay: Must I? *he says, already checking* Sheepy: Elyan: *honk* Arsé-kun: Kay: JESUS Sheepy: Grif: You found him. Congratulations. Here is your prize. *Grif starts clapping his hands incorrectly* Sheepy: Grif: He's very sneaky. Sheepy: Grif: He can open doors. He can also sneak under them. Arsé-kun: Kay: But can he operate the fridge? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: Can you? Arsé-kun: Kay: obviously. Sheepy: Grif: Then why couldn't he? Arsé-kun: Kay: Birds don't have human hands. Sheepy: Grif: But he's a goose. Sheepy: Grif: Geese can do anything they please. Sheepy: *Elyan is ignoring this, focusing on preening himself* Arsé-kun: Lot: That's a peacock. Sheepy: Grif: I don't see the resemblance. Sheepy: Gawain: It's a turkey! Woah! But it's too early for turkey dinner, isn't it? Sheepy: Gawain: That's a month away. Although, I'm excited about it! Mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes...Mashed sweet potatoes.. Sheepy: Gawain: Right, and turkey! Sheepy: Grif: Elyan isn't food. Arsé-kun: Kay: Don't waste those potatoes again! There could be starving kids in Ireland and you're over here shitting out a billion potatos, you goddamn potato fucker Sheepy: Gawain: They're my favorite food...! Arsé-kun: Kay: And guess who ate most of it? You! Sheepy: Gawain: Yeah! Sheepy: Bedi: I wanted some... Sheepy: Grif:...? Sheepy: Grif: What are you talking about? Arsé-kun: *Fou is investigating Lobo in the background* Sheepy: *Lobo is carefully sniffing at Fou* Arsé-kun: Kay: About how Gawain wastes potatoes because he eats like ten servings of them at once and then wonders why his carbs are through the roof. Sheepy: Gawain: It's worth it! Sheepy: Grif: He even eats your food? Sheepy: Grif: Don't eat my food. Sheepy: Gawain: Hey, it's our food on Thanksgiving. Sheepy: Grif: I don't know that that is. Sheepy: Gawain: It's potato day! Sheepy: Gawain: Although, I guess I'm supposed to keep a strict diet... Eh... Sheepy: Gawain: Nobody actually knows until I start playing a little off. Sheepy: Grif: Then just don't play a little off. Arsé-kun: Kay: He's got a point. Get good. Sheepy: Gawain: Ouch... You get good! Then we can compete, Kay! Arsé-kun: Kay: Last time you got in the pool, you looked like a retarded deer on acid. Sheepy: Gawain: Hey! I-I've gotten better! Sheepy: Grif: Pool... Sheepy: Grif:....... Sheepy: Grif:.....! Sheepy: Grif: I went in one earlier. Arsé-kun: Kay: That was the bathroom. Sheepy: Grif: With a pool inside. Sheepy: Gawain: Since when?! Arsé-kun: Kay: That's called a shower. Sheepy: Grif: Shower.... Sheepy: Grif: I'm fresh now. My cleanliness is high. Arsé-kun: Kay: The trials and tribulations of your roommate's first language not being english. Yippee. Sheepy: Gawain: I got excited for a moment there... Sheepy: Grif: Tell me about pools. Sheepy: Gawain: They're a pool of water and you swim in them. Arsé-kun: Lot: A manmade lake, but there's no fish or anything. It's just for swimming. Sheepy: Grif: A pool is a body of a liquid... The water is only implied... Therefore, there's also pools of lava. Arsé-kun: Lot: This is true, but we don't swim in lava. If we did, that one time would be our only. Sheepy: Grif: I don't swim in lava for one reason. Sheepy: Grif: I can't swim. Arsé-kun: Lot: That's unfortunate. Sheepy: Grif: My swimming level is 0. Sheepy: Grif: However, my STR is high. Arsé-kun: Lot: In theory, just being somewhat submerged in water would help, yeah? Sheepy: Grif: You mean that if I sit in water, my swimming level will slowly increase...? Sheepy: Grif: Like how repeatedly cooking Mashed Potato (ingredients: Potato) will increase your cooking level, although later on the experience from it will be minimal at best. Sheepy: Gawain: Real mashed potatoes have more than just potatoes in them... Sheepy: Grif: You need variety of experience. Arsé-kun: Kay: Go make a goddamn sandwich or something. Get in the kitchen and learn. Sheepy: Grif: Me? Sheepy: Grif: Sandwich. Ingredients: Bread. Arsé-kun: Kay: Not you, moron, the bigger moron. Sheepy: Gawain: Have you tried potato salad sandwiches? Arsé-kun: Kay: If you use my goddamn potatoes at all, I'll send you into another plumbing system. Sheepy: Grif: Potato salad sandwich. Ingredients: Potato. Lettuce. Bread. Sheepy: Gawain: Where did lettuce come from...? Where did everything else go?! Sheepy: Grif: Salad. Ingredients: Lettuce. Sandwich. Ingredients: Bread. Potato. Ingredients: Potato. Arsé-kun: Kay: How to make a meal when you have a hangover, a thread. Sheepy: Grif: I’ll hangover at your dorm for a long time. Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Okay, that was actually a good one. Sheepy: Grif: ...? Arsé-kun: Kay: Either way, at this rate I'm gonna have to kick both your asses. I'm not teaching both of you fuckers how to make food. Sheepy: Gawain: I can make mashed potatoes! Sheepy: Grif: Worry not. I have one more trick up my sleeve. Arsé-kun: Kay: If you even LOOK at my goddamn potatoes, Gawain, I am going to give you such a fuckin' awful swirlie that you'll be in fucking Australia. Sheepy: Bedi: Everyone knows how to make that. Sheepy: Grif: Today I learned. Arsé-kun: Kay: What about the fucking cup??? You can't have a... You know what? Never mind. I feel like this is going somewhere. Sheepy: Grif: What counts as a cup? Sheepy: Grif: A cup is anything that holds a liquid. Arsé-kun: Lance: *distantly* a cup Sheepy: Grif: A cup of hands. It cups water. Arsé-kun: Kay: Hey! I hate that image. Thanks! Sheepy: Grif: A cup of plastic. It’s plastic. Sheepy: Grif: A cup of mouth. My mouth is a cup. Arsé-kun: Kay: Ok time to stop speaking. Sheepy: Grif: If you put your head under water and open your mouth, it’s a cup. Sheepy: Grif: Behold, the fruits of my knowledge. Sheepy: Lucan: If I found the fruits of your knowledge in the produce bin I would put them back. Sheepy: Grif: Anyway, Kay, you can teach me how to cook. Sheepy: Grif: I learn quickly. Arsé-kun: Kay: fuck Sheepy: Grif: How quickly, you may wonder? Arsé-kun: Kay: Nope. Sheepy: Grif: I do something and attain knowledge of it. Arsé-kun: Kay: Actually, I do have one thing. It's called "How to use the microwave and not blow up the fucking dorms" Sheepy: Grif: Microwave... Arsé-kun: Kay: the thing that buzzed and popped a bunch before beeping. That thing. Sheepy: Grif: What are we doing? Arsé-kun: Kay: I already told you. Sheepy: Grif: We’re learning how to use the microwave. Sheepy: Grif: The big button opens it. Arsé-kun: Kay: Good fuckin' job. You know a thing. I now see the problem with this lesson. Arsé-kun: *Lance, raiding the pantry in the background. He is permitted. This time.* Sheepy: Grif: I don’t. Sheepy: Grif: Is it the fact that the buttons have writing on them? Sheepy: Grif: Worry not. I can read ten of them. Arsé-kun: Kay: It is. .. But we're mostly using the number part so it doesn't matter! Sheepy: Grif: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Sheepy: Grif: That’s most of the buttons. Sheepy: Grif: But go on. Sheepy: Grif: I know a step. Put the food in. Punch in numbers. One of the buttons turns it on. Arsé-kun: Kay: I mean, yes. Sheepy: Grif: Then you take it out. Arsé-kun: *Kay teaches Grif how to use the microwave. Kay gains +1 tolerance but lost -5 patience.* Sheepy: Grif: I feel the flames of our bond kindling within me. Soon it will grow greater than the small sparks it currently is. Arsé-kun: Kay: I feel like it's time for booze. Sheepy: Grif: But not right now. Arsé-kun: Kay: Eh Sheepy: Grif: It’s soon. We just have to keep interacting to grow closer. Arsé-kun: Kay: *he takes one step closer* wow. we're closer now. wahoo. Arsé-kun: *sass.mp4* Sheepy: Grif: Ah... you’re being sarcastic. Arsé-kun: Kay: You did it. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. I learned to detect some sarcasm from you. Arsé-kun: *RANK KU HA. BOND!* Sheepy: Grif: ...! Sheepy: Grif: Bond UP!! Arsé-kun: *GRIFLET WILL NOW DIE FOR YOU* Sheepy: Grif: I’ll now tank one hit for you. Congratulations! *clap clap clap* Arsé-kun: Kay: ........ Okay, I actually feel a headache coming on now. Sheepy: Grif: ? Arsé-kun: *Kay goes to get booze. finally. sweet relief*

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: Preseason GM 6 - PIT

Well the useless games are over now. I suppose as Sabres fans we can be sure there will be some of those in March if not February if you know what I mean. Gee, why am I so cynical already? We’re all kinda just enthused the regular season is just about here. Just barely enthused; that’s the common feeling here, eh? I do want to say though that we have to be careful getting a head start shitting on Ralph Krueger. He’s not going to publicly talk down to guys who we all know are ass just because he knows we think they’re ass. You do want a functional organization, right? One of the pieces of that is having a coaching staff and Front Office that acts professional and doesn’t burn bridges and discourage players they need to perform. For such a manly man sport we’re supposed to think Hockey is its very motivationally based. The Sabres weren’t as bad as two wins in the entire month of March last season. I mean obviously they weren’t. They lost the will to keep fighting in a playoff race they were close in until February, when their GM failed to instill confidence by way of sounding completely unaware of the Coach not knowing what he was doing. Now you may ask me: Andrew, doesn’t a professional organization act diplomatically like you said? Yes, good question you smart ass. With us hungry man-eating trolls circulating like vultures around every public statement you need to be diplomatic. Internally something was wrong last Spring and Botterill failed to address it in any meaningful way publicly or privately. It’s a motivation game and the B team we brought to Pittsburgh this afternoon was super motivated.

It’s a little unfair to call it entirely a B team. The defensive group was essentially the opening night lineup excluding the injured. Yeah, unfortunately Marco Scandella looks like he’ll stick around. He strengthened what was already a pretty ironclad case today unfortunately. Risto didn’t play but he’s gotten games this preseason so I’m not going to speculate again about some trade I wish so bad was imminent. Even with the Laine signing I just don’t have it in me to venture a scenario on that one. The first period was kinda fun. All these hungry boys stacked up pretty well against the Penguins A team. Ullmark stood tall. There weren’t too many awful defensive breakdowns. Casey Mittelstadt looked rather ok compared to what the last few games would have you believe. There was a moment where John Gilmour almost dangled himself a goal and for a moment, just a moment, I thought maybe Botts and Krueger are justified in dragging out some of the more obvious cuts this long. Then I remembered how short my subtractions list was in the offseason retrospective and gave it a rest. The game was on MSG, but the live feed was the Penguins broadcast on AT&T Sportsnet. Now I’ve already said I enjoy watching other team’s broadcasts but this Pens one was really harshing my mello when they started playing games with Henri Jokiharju’s name after an embellishment call. That’s dumb shit. My last name is Uttaro. I know what it’s like for someone to mess around with your surname. Just get it right. I’ll take RJ and Rob Ray stumbling over Scandinavian pronunciation every day of the week over actively making jokes about other people’s names. Fuck off.

The second period started off with a couple very good Ullmark saves. I have a bold prediction about him you’ve probably heard if you put up with me on twitter, but I’ll save that for the last preseason post on Monday “Training Camp Closes”. However this middle period is when the scoring opened up. It seemed like the game was a shootout long before extra time. The styles both these teams play is very similar. Obviously Pittsburgh has had a lot more success with it but hear me out here. The first Penguins goal was a shot from the blueline. Ullmark never saw it. The second Penguins goal was a shot from a wrap around play from the circle. Both these teams box you out in front of the net but maybe I’m overthinking this preseason game too much. Yeah, I’ll save the strategy for the regular season. After all, Marco Scandella scoring a toe drag slapshot to cut the lead in half makes no logical sense. Even he was surprise by that goal. By the time the third period was underway my wife had gotten home from a party and I just said forget it, I’m going to order some Chinese. I didn’t expect any scoring in the last ten minutes of the game, and it didn’t matter anyway. Well I was surprised by this team… pleasantly for once.

Remember how I talked about hockey being a motivation game earlier? Yeah, well the hungry boys and the… uh… shouldn’t be here anymore guys got real motivated in the third period. Zemgus Girgensons, Captain of the unnecessary returning players squad, got a fantastic pass from the Captain of the Hungry Boys John Gilmour. Somehow Girgensons found himself on a breakaway, one-on-one with Matt Murray. He tucked in 3-hole and the game was tied. So obviously I know very little from here on out. I was busy watching the Season Premiere of A Million Little Things. At the moment I’m writing this not only is there not full video highlights of this game but NHL.com’s ticker seems to indicate the game never happened. I don’t believe in many conspiracy theories but if there is some French accent evil hockey overlord pulling the strings of the marionette that is Gary Bettman it would want to erase the history of Sidney Crosby’s team losing the day after his number was retired across the Quebec Major Junior League. I’m not saying it’s true I’m just saying you don’t have proof it’s not. Hell, how do we not know this whole preseason has been just a simulation. Ralph Krueger is Agent Smith from the matrix; he’s praising Sobotka and shit just to fuck with us. Well anyway this game went to a scoreless overtime and into the shootout. Does the matrix have a sense of humor? Because there is some humor to Evgeni Malkin missing the net entirely on his shootout attempt while Kyle Okposo shot his on-target right after. Yeah, this can’t be the matrix because Tage Thompson was the guy who kept Buffalo alive after Kris Letang scored. That’s three matrix glitches in one game if you add it to the Scandella and Girgensons goals. Computers don’t make that many mistakes. Casey Mittelstadt ended up capping off a revenge game with a bank-hander past Murray to win it. And so the Sabres ended the preseason how it began: beating the Penguins beyond regulation.

The part of this game I listened to on the radio featured Rob Ray dropping some wisdom. He said the end of the preseason is fun for the guys who have roster spots but it’s not so happy for the ones who don’t. Simply by virtue of math and the roster spot limit there are several players who do not have a roster spot waiting for them. Training Camp is just about over, and I can’t imagine there is much evaluating left to do. A Ristolainen trade probably doesn’t happen and the Bills have a decent shot to make it close against the Patriots tomorrow. Sorry, I added that last one on just to make me feel a little bit better. Monday morning you get Training Camp Closes here on the blog. That’s not just a preseason wrap up it’s also full of predictions about the season. I’ll tease you a little bit: I’m not going hardcore optimist like I did last year. I felt vindicated in the first half by those predictions but got burned real hard in the back half. Like this post, share it and give me a comment. What’s your opening night roster projection? I’m going to take a swing at one before Thursday as well. Before we wrap it up and call it a night I do want to say: the optimist in me is far from dead. Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. I guess that last game against Columbus could still be Risto’s last as a Sabre. *smh*

[kiribakus]

the secrets you keep

kiribaku || first kiss || 3,700 words || sfw

These are just the growing pains of growing up and falling in love. 

>> READ ON AO3 <<

“Ah,” Kirishima says, tapping at his lower back. “My spine hurts.”

Bakugou, lying on his bed with a textbook propped up on one leg, crossed over his knee, grunts and doesn’t look up from the page he’s reading. “If you stopped hunching over the table like an old man you wouldn’t bend your body into a fucking pretzel.”

“Mm, you’re right,” Kirishima says. “Ah, there’s tightness in my shoulder, too.” He squeezes at the sore muscle.

“Do I look like your physical therapist?”

“You could at least show some concern. I’ve been slaving over this homework for hours.”

“If you don’t like it, go back to your room and work at a real desk.”

“That’s cold. How could I pass up time spent with my crush?”

“I really will sock you in the jaw if you keep talking nonsense,” Bakugou says, flipping a page and still not looking at Kirishima.

“Okay, okay,” Kirishima says, flopping onto his back and staring at the ceiling of Bakugou’s room. It’s plain, devoid of posters, much like his walls. His furniture, his fuzzy rug, his sheets—black. The only indication of any personality is the bright comforter patterned with explosions that Bakugou’s mother had insisted he bring. Bakugou’s room was dark like Tokoyami’s, but instead of shining a light into Bakugou’s mind it was simply…blank.

Kirishima kneads his fingers in the rug and stares at the light, above him, turned off. The only light in the room was the generic desk lamp on Bakugou’s desk. Kirishima had offered to turn on the light but Bakugou seemed adamant to read in the darkness, grunting at Kirishima and throwing a pillow at him when he made to flip the switch.

“So welcoming,” Kirishima had said, just to tease Bakugou. But there was something about the darkness hanging heavy behind Kirishima’s eyes every time he blinked and swallowing his legs in shadow beneath the table that comforted like a blanket, making him feel safe in its embrace. Did Bakugou feel the same?

Nah, he probably just wanted to chase Kirishima out.

“You should stick some glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling,” Kirishima says.

“What did I just say about spouting nonsense,” Bakugou snaps, throwing another pillow at Kirishima. “Shut up and work or leave.”

It would be surprising if you did, though, Kirishima thinks. It would show something.

What did he know about Bakugou? Explosive temper, formidable physical power, iron willpower, and more pride than could fit in a room. Kirishima himself wasn’t weak by any means, but even his more modest personality exploded onto his walls and bounced around his room, taking the shape of posters and bedspreads and weights littered about the corners of his dorm. Someone like Bakugou shouldn’t have been this subdued. He should be uncontainable.

“I don’t know a thing about you,” Kirishima murmurs.

“Aaah?” Bakugou calls.

“Nothing,” Kirishima says, rolling onto his side to look at Bakugou. “You don’t like nonsensical statements and I’m no good at ruminating in the first place.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bakugou says, “but there’s a history paper not even halfway written on your laptop that’s due in two days. Soul search later.”

“Mm,” Kirishima replies, still looking at Bakugou.

Bakugou lets him get away with it for three minutes. He closes his textbook and exhales heavily from his nose. When his eyes meet Kirishima's, they’re just a little bloodshot. There are creases on his forehead running down his nose to meet the slight curl of his lip, the calm before the snarl. Looking Bakugou in the eyes was something like standing in the eye of a hurricane, still enough to hear your heartbeat pound with the anticipation of what was to come.

Bakugou opens his mouth. “If you keep staring at me—”

“What should I get you for your birthday?” Kirishima asks.

Bakugou’s eyes twitches. “Bastard, I told you not to—”

“There’s a vending machine downstairs,” Kirishima interrupts. “I can get you something if you tell me what you want. A drink, a snack, I don’t really care.”

“I want you to get the hell out of my room.”

“Fine,” Kirishima says. “But first you have to tell me what your favorite book was growing up.”

Bakugou holds eye contact with him for a long moment, grinding his teeth. Then, he clicks his tongue and turns his back on Kirishima. “Do whatever the hell you want.”

I make you angry, Kirishima thinks. But you let me get away with it. Why?

There’s so much he doesn’t know about Bakugou. In that way, Kirishima supposes he’s jealous of Midoriya. Even with their bad blood, Midoriya knew Bakugou. He’d grown up with him. Played with him, eaten lunch with him, met his parents. He knows things Bakugou likes, things he doesn’t like. If he collected bugs, or if he was good at sports; the way he reacted to a bad grade and how he celebrated graduation.

Kirishima doesn’t know those things. He can watch, and he can learn, but Bakugou, for all his explosiveness and his attitude, is secretive. His temper and foul mouth put off most, but those who can look around it find a blank wall. A carefully crafted, well devised, blank wall. The kind of wall you passed on the streets and forgot the moment you saw it, so plain it barely registered. Bakugou, at his core, was invisible.

 “Bakugou, I like you.”

Kirishima doesn’t remember why he said it. He’d taken a liking to Bakugou from the very start, once he saw Bakugou in his element. Bakugou had that kind of subtle charisma that has you going why the fuck am I following this guy? as you run into the fray after him, covering his blind spot like you’re a couple of pro heroes who’ve been working together for years.

Kaminari understood. Kaminari also laughed when Kirishima told him about his crush and patted him on the back with a that’s rough, buddy.

Liking Bakugou came naturally for Kirishima, who had always admired men with strong convictions and honor in their actions. A fledgling crush on a boy who could punch villains twice his size with snap judgments and a composed face wasn’t unreasonable. It helped that Bakugou had a pretty face. Kirishima acknowledged his feelings without much fanfare. A crush was a crush was a crush.

 “Bakugou, I like you.”

Why did he say that? He didn’t expect or even suspect Bakugou of returning his feelings. Kirishima hadn’t even the slightest inkling of how to tell if Bakugou felt anything but the urge to blow a hole through anyone who spoke to him. The closer he got to Bakugou, the further he got from any kind of understanding. Like his room, Bakugou was a black hole of emptiness.

“He’s so mysterious, man,” Kaminari had said. “A guy like that could do anything. I don’t think there's anything left that he could do to surprise me. I just trust him, you know? Guy’s got the kind of vibe to him that makes you think even if you don’t agree with him or his methods, he’s going to do the right thing.”

Kirishima had wanted him to break character. He wanted to surprise him, to throw a situation at him that he couldn’t expect, couldn’t react to in a way that would keep his wall intact. A sudden confession—who was prepared for that? Bakugou couldn’t possibly be prepared to face Kirishima’s feelings. He would be able to see something, anything, behind that wall.

 “Aaah? You stupid? Stop talking nonsense.”

 No, you don’t understand. It’s not a joke.

 “This is a confession. I’m confessing to you.”

 If you would just let me in…

 “Just die already.”

 …if I could just once…

 “I’m serious! I’m seriously in love with you, dude.”

 …but I can’t.

 “I see. If you have time to talk nonsense, I don’t need to help you with those math problems.”

 I understand.

 “W-wait! Limits are too hard!”

 I’ll continue to support you from the shadows. I won’t get in your way. I’ll learn what I can on my own.

“Ah,” Kirishima says. “I’m definitely the sidekick, aren’t I?”

From the bed, Bakugou snorts. “With an attitude like that, you won’t even make it to a pro’s side."

Kirishima laughs. “I guess compared to you, I’m not quite what they’re looking for.”

“Damn straight.”

“Oh, but I have a better attitude.”

Bakugou rolls over. “You wanna go?”

Kirishima smiles. “I thought I had a paper to write?”

Bakugou clicks his tongue and rolls onto his back, thumbing through his phone without replying.

“Besides,” Kirishima says, sitting up and opening his laptop. “If I was a sidekick to someone like you, I think things would turn out okay.”

Their paper is on dawn of the Golden Age of Heroes, before there were schools dedicated to raising hero eggs and vigilante work began to organize. Kirishima’s report focuses on Everest, one of the first named heroes, who Crimson Riot cites as one of his inspirations. Everest was a modest man who would drop the criminals he captured outside police headquarters and refused to officially take credit for his hero work. Kirishima’s searching for a famous quote of his when Bakugou says, “The All Might Adventure Chronicles.”

Blinking, Kirishima looks up. “The what?”

Bakugou doesn’t look at him. “The All Might Adventure Chronicles. They were watered down comics based on All Might’s real achievements. I knew they were exaggerated, but I still raced Deku to the store every week to buy a copy.”

Kirishima’s jaw drops.

“Green tea. I don’t like sugar and the caffeine in coffee gives me a headache. If you ever offer to buy me something again, I’ll blow you sky high. I hate giving and receiving gifts.” He shifts away from Kirishima. “And I would never have use for a sidekick in the first place. I either want someone who can stand at my side as a real hero or I want no one at all.”

Kirishima can hear every individual beat of his heart. His questions from earlier. Bakugou didn't--he never just answered questions.

 But maybe, finally I could know why--

Kirishima swallows. “Why did Midoriya say it had to be me who called out to you, back then?”

“Watch yourself,” Bakugou says.

“Please,” Kirishima says, voice raw.

Bakugou rolls over and gets to his feet. He beckons sharply. “Come on. Get up.”

Mystified, Kirishima does.

Bakugou pushes the coffee table to the side of the room and takes up a sparring stance. “Your form was sloppy in class today. Your hand-to-hand in general is sloppy because you trust your Quirk too much.”

“Bakugou—”

“Put your fists up,” Bakugou orders. Kirishima does.

“We’ll move slowly,” Bakugou says. “Block me properly.”

He swings at Kirishima in slow motion. Kirishima holds up an arm and moves to block the punch. It’s followed up by a kick, equally slow. Kirishima sidesteps. He makes to counter and Bakugou bats him away.

“No,” he says. “Focus on blocking.”

So Kirishima keeps his guard up, taking soft hits to his arm, soft kicks to his legs, and dodging Bakugou while his eyes follow each of the movements. As Bakugou gets faster, Kirishima gets sloppier, eyes darting and trying to focus on Bakugou’s constant attacks, never giving him time to break. Kirishima trips over his own legs at one point.

“Your eyes are everywhere and nowhere,” Bakugou says. “You have to see everything.”

Kirishima shifts his focus to trying to see all of Bakugou’s attacks at once. He takes more hits, but as Bakugou picks up his speed again, Kirishima’s dodging and prediction of movements gets better. He keeps his eyes fixed on Bakugou’s core but darts up to his eyes, watching where Bakugou looks before he strikes, until he can keep up with a normal speed Bakugou. They dance around each other, Bakugou giving away fewer and fewer hints as Kirishima starts to catch up with him. It’s almost rhythmic, and Kirishima feels himself loosening up and blocking more fluidly, until he takes a step back and crashes into a wall.

Bakugou’s fist lands right next to his head, against the wall. “I said you have to see everything, your surroundings included.”

“I caught up to you, though,” Kirishima says, grinning. “I’m a fast learner.”

“You’re missing the point,” Bakugou says, stepping closer to him.

Oh, Kirishima thinks. The light from Bakugou’s desk catches on the ends of his hair and the muscles of his shoulders and lines of his neck, revealed by a black tank top. His eyes are definitely bloodshot and dark in the low light. He scowls with chapped lips that Kirishima can’t take his eyes off of.

“You’re doing it again,” Bakugou says, and Kirishima's eyes snap to his.

“I didn’t—”

“Not that,” Bakugou says. “You aren’t looking at the whole picture. Again. As usual.”

The whole picture? What was he talking about? The sparring? His answers before the sparring? The fact that he was here, in Kirishima’s space, close enough to bump Kirishima’s chest with his own? Kirishima’s mind races, but he can’t find a definite answer.

Bakugou presses his palm flat against Kirishima’s chest. Kirishima flinches under his touch, his pulse spiking.

“It really does excite you to be this close to me,” Bakugou says.

Kirishima makes a noise in his throat and shakes his head, but he can’t hold Bakugou’s unwavering gaze.

“Don’t bother lying to me,” Bakugou says. “It’s written all over your face. I don’t even need to touch you to know.”

Kirishima watches a droplet of sweat slide down Bakugou’s jaw.

“You’re the type of guy who likes to spar because he gets to touch the other person,” Bakugou says. “You’re into skin-on-skin.”

“That sounds dirty,” Kirishima says. “It’s not like—”

Bakugou lets go of him and instead leans in even closer, pressing his chest to Kirishima’s and resting his forearms on either side of Kirishima’s head. Kirishima flattens himself to the wall, face burning and every nerve lighting up when Bakugou moves, warm, against him. Lips brushing Kirishima’s ear, Bakugou murmurs, “You’re probably the type of guy who likes this kind of thing, too.”

“Bakugou, you…” Kirishima starts.

“Pretty far to go, just to get some,” Bakugou says. “All the times we’ve studied together—you’re persistent.”

“No,” Kirishima says as Bakugou leans away. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what?” Bakugou says. “You don’t want me?”

“Stop saying that,” Kirishima says. “Stop saying it like I’m using you. That’s not it.”

“No?” Bakugou says, stepping away. “You’re happy with things as they are? I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself.”

“I just wanted—”

“I know what you want,” Bakugou says. “Do you?”

Kirishima sinks to the floor.

Bakugou mirrors him, sitting on his bed. “Consider this from my perspective, for a moment. I never asked for any of this. I didn’t come to UA to make friends or have a wonderful high school life like you all did—I came here to be the best and that’s it.

“Imagine my irritation when this fucking annoying spikeball insists on being my friend. I never asked for backup—but he’s there. I never asked for someone to spend my afternoons with—but he’s begging me to tutor him. I’m not looking to have conversations, and yet he’s always at my side, bringing me into discussions with the class and checking in on me when I want to be left alone and frankly, making an absolute nuisance of himself.”

Bakugou rubs at his neck, scowling. “This guy is an open book. God forbid a villain comes along—they’d be able to read his greatest weakness as if it were in neon fucking lights. He always says what’s on his mind and never lies and opens up to anyone who takes the time to listen, even to those who don’t. Someone like that, you don’t try to get to know, you just know them. Whether or not you wanted to. You find yourself depending on them. Whether or not you wanted to.”

“Kirishima,” Bakugou says. “I’m not an open book. I will never be an open book. You’re looking for answers I will never give you. So stop asking.”

Kirishima swallows. “Does it annoy you that much?”

“Hell yeah it does,” Bakugou says. “I’m not here to answer your dumbfuck questions. Especially not when I’ve been giving you answers the whole time.”

 —“Dude, your perceptiveness sucks,” Kaminari had said—

Tutoring him, agreeing to partner up with him, letting him stay over, answering his questions, giving him hints in sparring—could that really just be Bakugou’s way of saying “we’re friends”? No—Bakugou wanted him to look at the whole picture.

 “I like you.”

 “Stop talking nonsense.”

I already know, Bakugou was saying. You don’t have to say it.

And I feel the same way, he said when he took Kirishima’s hand.

“Don’t cry,” Bakugou says, scowling harder.

“Sorry,” Kirishima sniffles, wiping at the corners of his eyes. “I just—this whole time, I thought—”

“Yeah, I get it,” Bakugou says, lying back down on his bed and tucking his head under his arms. “You suck at taking a hint. You’re the least subtle guy I know. Too fucking bad for you.”

Kirishima blinks. “Does that mean we’re—”

“Not a chance in hell,” Bakugou says. “You still don’t know what you want, let alone have the ability to put a name on it.”

Kirishima pouts. “Stingy.” For lack of something better to do, he crawls back over to the coffee table, pulls his laptop into his lap, and goes back to working on his paper.

Except, he’d kind of just gotten confessed to, and focusing on hero work wasn’t possible. Kirishima, hero or not, was still a teenager, and having the boy he liked say (more or less) “hey, I like you back” was a recipe for zero concentration.

“Bakugou,” Kirishima asks. “Can I kiss you?”

“More stupid questions,” Bakugou says. “Just so you know, the three I answered earlier were your only freebies. Figure the rest of it out on your own.”

Well. It wasn’t a no.

Kirishima stands up and moves to Bakugou’s side, settling at the edge of his bed. Bakugou’s eyes are closed and he’s scowling. When Kirishima’s weight dips the bed, Bakugou cracks one eye open. “Well?”

Kirishima smiles. He wasn’t going to make this easy, was he? It’s not like Bakugou had a reputation for being exceedingly romantic. Or even interested in things like romance or kissing or sex.

“It’s really okay?” Kirishima asks.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? Figure—”

“Cross your wrists over your head,” Kirishima says.

Bakugou’s other eye opens. His expression doesn’t change, but he moves his arms from under his head and crosses his wrists.

Kirishima leans over him and secures his hands above his head, gripping them firmly without hurting Bakugou. His other hand slides under Bakugou’s shirt and presses against his skin, over his heart. Beneath his fingers, Kirishima can feel the steady thrumming of a wild animal’s heartbeat, a tad too quick to be normal. Kirishima smiles.

Bakugou clicks his tongue and looks away, hunching his shoulders.

“Hey,” Kirishima says.

Bakugou glares at him.

“I see the whole picture,” Kirishima says. He lifts the hand on Bakugou’s chest and cups his cheek instead, leaning in to kiss him.

He kisses light, just the press of lips. This close, he can feel the tension in Bakugou’s body and the barely returned kisses. Kirishima brushes his thumb over Bakugou’s cheek, smoothing the skin beneath his finger. He gives Bakugou’s wrists a squeeze. Bakugou hunches his shoulders tighter as if to say I know, and he forcibly relaxes himself, kissing back at Kirishima with quick, deliberate motions.

Kirishima grins into the kiss, leading Bakugou to hold out for a few moments and retreating only to brush their lips and foreheads together, the suggestion of intimacy. Bakugou’s lips are as chapped as they look, not smooth like Kirishima’s, and the sensation when they kiss tickles. As if resisting Kirishima’s gentleness Bakugou kisses back forcibly, searching for something more.

Kirishima isn’t sure of himself, but he tilts his head and gives Bakugou more.

Mouths parted means that Bakugou can seal their mouths together in a different way, their wetted lips fused as if by fire and feeling just as hot. It’s Kirishima who introduces tongue, the experimental brush of his tongue tip along the seam of their mouths. Bakugou inhales sharply through his nose, but his teeth tug at Kirishima’s tongue and Kirishima presses harder, both with hands and mouth.

He thinks he’s got it, thinks he’s found a rhythm, but when Kirishima tries to pull back Bakugou is chasing after him, arching his spine so their chests touch again and pulling Kirishima back. His fingers flex under Kirishima’s grasp and he pulls against the restraints. Kirishima’s breath stutters and he lets go of Bakugou’s face to push his chest down, holding him in place. Bakugou growls, but allows Kirishima to sit up, looking down on him.

“I’m sorry for making you wait,” Kirishima says. “And I’m sorry for being dense.”

“Whatever,” Bakugou says, voice rough.

“I know what I want,” Kirishima says. “I want it slow. I want to be with you, and learn to read you without words, so you never have to go out of your way to show me what you mean again. I’ll learn your body language, and your choice of words. I won’t be your sidekick; I’ll be your partner.”

Kirishima’s eyes widen and he sucks in a breath. “I want to be your partner.”

“Obviously,” Bakugou says. “You’re so gay.”

Kirishima grins. “Only for you.”

Kirishima watches Bakugou’s eyes dip below his eyes, to his mouth, then back to his face. He watches Bakugou jut out his chin and shift under Kirishima’s hands—not pulling, just reminding Kirishima that he’s there. And he draws his legs up, bumping into Kirishima’s back.

“I know what you want,” Kirishima says, and he leans in again.

[flyingthesky]

kubo and the two strings: cultural appropriation and orientalism

(CW for discussion of death. Major spoilers for Kubo and the Two Strings follow.)

Here is the thing about me: I’m Japanese-American. My family has been here, in America, since before World War II but I am by no means American, in the sense that I know anything about American culture. I had to have the Macy’s Day Parade explained to me when I was twenty, but I know my culture. I was raised with it. It’s who I am.

Here is the thing about Kubo and the Two Strings: I wanted to like it. I wanted to enjoy that there was a mainstream movie about my culture being made. I love Laika’s other films. In the end, as purely a film, it’s a serviceable movie. The pacing is fine, the animation is unbelievably gorgeous, and the voice acting is solid.

That’s where the nice things I can say about Kubo end.

I’ve been trying to write this post since October because it’s always tough to write a post like this. I don’t want to tell people they’re wrong for liking the movie. I liked Pocahontas when I was younger, before I knew about how scrubbed and whitewashed it was. I liked Mulan too, before I realized how Western it really felt in terms of values and culture. Actually, I still like those movies. It’s just now I know what’s wrong with them.

So: if you must blink, do it now. Pay careful attention to everything you see, no matter how unusual it may seem.

The first red flag to me, when Kubo was announced, was that there didn’t seem to be any Japanese people involved. I know for a fact, having watched many of the special features on Laika films, that the crew and creative team are predominantly white. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but when you’re working with another culture it’s very necessary to be extra fucking sure you’re not being offensive. And Kubo is extremely offensive.

Watching Kubo, you'd be forgiven for thinking it’s based on Japanese mythology. After all, it’s set in Japan and has a superficially Japanese feel. Surely it is, in part, based on some old Japanese legends, drawing upon them to create something fresh and interesting?

Yeah, no. Not really.

Like. It bears a very loose resemblance to Tale of the Bamboo Cutter (you might know this story as Princess Kaguya) and I suppose the fact that it uses a monkey and a beetle rings true, although there would have been a much better choice in it being a monkey and a dog.

(Fun sidenote: where in America and other places you might say “fighting like dogs and cats,” in Japanese we say 犬猿の仲 or “a dog and monkey relationship.” So I think it would have been funnier and made more sense, Japanese culture-wise, if the Beetle was a dog.)

There’s also a part where Monkey tells a story about how golden herons take spirits back to the afterlife that I’ve never heard in my entire life and that seems to be made up wholesale for the movie. Normally I wouldn’t have a huge problem with this, since you can make things up that aren’t strictly true in fiction, but here’s the thing: what they made up is very much based in a Western belief of death and what happens after you die. 

Surely you’ve seen Spirited Away, so this should be easy to understand: in Shinto beliefs there are other worlds, practically identical to ours, where spirits live. This isn’t like the Heaven and Hell of Christianity, it’s just a different life from the one you were previously living. Buddist beliefs are a little different, but the concept is essentially the same. Japanese Buddists don’t believe in reincarnation, like other Buddists, if you were wondering. We believe that once you die you start on a journey to another world where, free from human distraction, you can attain nirvana.

You’ve also likely seen Mulan, so you’ll be familiar with the Eastern idea of our ancestors being a constant presence. They become something like gods once they die. You might pray to God for help with you math test. I ask my grandfather, who was quite good at math, to give me the answers and knowledge I need. In anime it’s quite common for characters with dead parents to have a small shrine to the dead parent and I’ve talked to quite a few Westerners who think it’s morbid or that keeping that sort of thing around keeps you from moving on but here’s the thing: I’m never sad my grandfather passed away. I cried at his funeral, but I’m not sad he’s gone because he isn’t gone. He always watches over me, much like how in Mulan her ancestors watched over her.

This belief is obviously partially reflected in Kubo. It takes place in the summer, right around Obon, and it gets that festival right for the most part. I don’t know that it explains the extent to which ancestor worship is a daily part of my life - Kubo really makes Obon seem more like Day of the Dead rather than one of several holidays about our ancestors and neglects to mention that, as I said, I treat my dead ancestors similarly to how some people treat God.

(If you’re wondering, I was raised dually religious. While we were superficially Christian and celebrated many Christian holidays, fundamentally we did it with a lot of Japanese Buddist flavor. I’m very familiar with both as a result and identify as somewhere inbetween. A faith of my own choosing, if you will, although that’s a topic for another post entirely.)

Kubo fails to show the full range of how death is perceived in Japan, at any rate, and I really feel like even though it shows some of my culture’s customs, it doesn’t really understand the philosophy and values behind them. The idea that a golden heron would take you to the afterlife is, for example, patently absurd to me. The journey to the afterlife is personal. You have to walk it alone. We have whole holidays to check with how our ancestors are doing on their journies, but we cannot go with them and we cannot help them. 

More importantly, herons represent elegance and grace. They are famously represented in Sagi Musume (The Heron Maiden), which is a kabuki piece composed for shamisen that involves a lot of really great technical stuff. You can view a performance of Sagi Musume here. Basically, I don’t think the general depiction of herons in Japanese culture is compatible with the idea that they ferry the dead and I find it vaguely offensive that the dead are ferried at all in this movie because that’s not how death works in Japanese culture. The part about not disappearing when you die is accurate but also doesn’t really tie Monkey’s explanation together with the earlier depiction of Obon to form the full picture.

This failure to understand how the concept of death differs in Eastern culture is most exemplified by the last scene of the movie. Kubo says “and then we could end this story together,” but as I’ve said: the dead are not gone. His parents still exist, and their stories haven’t ended. They’ve just begun a new chapter in their story, one that Kubo isn’t present for. It’s these sort of subtle, easily fixable mistakes that honestly infuriate me the most because Laika is located in Oregon. It’s right above California (where I live) and an extremely large Japanese population. They could have talked to actual Japanese people about the sorts of themes and concepts that they wanted to include. They could have had a cultural advisor to help them work out the kinks that I’m describing right now. It didn’t have to be this way.

The idea that Kubo’s grandfather wants to take his other eye so that Kubo can ascend to “Heaven” and not be stuck in an earthly “Hell,” for example, is mildly offensive to me because that’s not really a concept that exists in Japanese culture. Sure, as in Spirited Away, the spirit world can be “better” than ours but that comes at a price. It’s not accurate to say it’s “Heaven” and “Hell” in the Western and Christian sense of those concepts. 黄泉 (Yomi), which is often translated as the underworld, isn’t “Heaven” but it isn’t “Hell” either. It’s more like the Christian concept of Purgatory, so a more accurate to Japanese culture way to describe the conflict would be that Kubo’s grandfather wants Kubo to ascend the earthly plain and Kubo realizing he is both of the Earth and Kami. This is the kind of thing a cultural advisor could have easily fixed without much change to the story.

Similarly, I don’t really understand why Kubo’s grandfather, if he’s king of the moon, would be named Raiden. We have a Moon God in Japanese mythology, which takes like two seconds to google, but his name is Tsukiyomi. We also have a Raiden, but he’s the god of thunder and storms. A cultural advisor could have suggested a different name, if they thought Tsukiyomi was “too ethnic/hard” (a topic for another post, because I don’t have time to touch it here). To be clear, I don’t mind him having a made up name for the movie, I mind him blatantly having the name of a different god who has nothing to do with the moon. Think of it like this: let’s say I’m making a movie about Hades and Persephone and everything else about Hades was pretty much like Hades should be but, for some reason, he was named Zeus. That’s what watching this movie is like for me, although I guess the larger problem is that Tsukiyomi doesn’t have children.

If you wanted to go with this storyline, it might have been better to base Kubo’s grandfather on Izanagi rather than Tsukiyomi. Or, better yet, have the grandfather be based on Izanagi and have his grandmother be Izanami. Then the whole conflict could be that when Izanagi escaped from Yomi and begat Amaterasu, Amaterasu could have fallen in love with a human samurai and had Kubo. Then, because Kubo is both of Gods and Humans, he could have been the one to fight Izanami and make her stop her senseless slaughter of humans. That would have been a really interesting and relatively faithful Japanese plot that hits many of the same notes Kubo tries to. It would have even been relatively easy to understand for Westerners who are more familiar with the Greco-Roman gods.

But that’s not the plot of Kubo, obviously.

Here’s where my criticism of Kubo becomes difficult to explain to Westerners, because what I dislike about the plot of Kubo, aside from the fact that it isn’t based on any known Japanese mythology or legend that I can recognize, is something very subtle that I don’t think a Westerner would notice. It begins like this: Western culture is very individualistic. I’m not saying on a person to person level, I’m saying in terms of the cultural mindset. It might be easiest to explain what I see with examples.

Take, for example, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. While it is, essentially, a show about a group of people working together to get things done, it’s named after a single character. She is the main character, regardless of the fact that the Scoobie gang are all very relevant. Power Rangers is also a show about a group of people working together to get things done, but it’s named after the entire group rather than one character. There is no “main” character in the same way, and that’s because Japanese culture frames individuality very differently. When someone works at a company, as anything from the CEO to a receptionist, they’re all equally important. What you accomplish is not framed by what you accomplished, but by what you accomplished for the company.

This difference is incredibly subtle, and I don’t blame Kubo for not quite getting it right but I do blame Kubo for framing certain things in a Western light. When Monkey tells Hanzo her magic is fading and this will be a fine way to end her story, it’s framed in terms of her. The correct way to do this, with the same type of metaphor, would be “I think my role in this story is ending soon.” Even when something has a main character in Japanese media, I feel like it’s treated quite differently than it would be in Western media. There are exceptions, of course, as Japanese culture becomes more Westernized and their storytelling blends together Japanese tropes with Western ones, but overall we treat the cast as a whole before we treat them as individuals, if that makes sense.

Overall I’m not sure if a Western viewer would notice, but Kubo depicts an extremely Western ideal of Ancient Japan. If you removed the (barely) Japanese window dressing, Kubo could be set anywhere. It’s not a Japanese story, it’s a Western one told with what I like to call “Japanese flavor.”

Which leads us into my biggest criticism of Kubo: it falls directly into the long, long history of Orientalism. That history is another post too (many things I’m talking about here are too complex to try and explain simply) but it can be boiled down to this: Western media has always used Eastern culture as a shorthand for exoticism. Think of Firefly: in order not to be a “Western,” Firefly incorporates the shorthand of Eastern culture without ever truly engaging with it. Firefly takes place in a world where America and China have merged and become one superpower. Now take a look at the cast of Firefly:

Riddle me this: if China and America have become a superpower, how does this show get away with not having a single goddamn Chinese character? Even in supporting roles, there are exactly two Asian characters with speaking roles in all of Firefly. One is an unnamed narrator of a shadow puppet show and the other is a whore named Emma who (I believe) is played by a Vietnamese woman. No, I didn’t misspeak. The only named character played by an Asian who could feasibly pass for Chinese is a whore.

Instead of meaningfully interacting with Chinese culture, Firefly chooses to merely show a lot of Chinese on signs and have some characters swear in Chinese so you know (without having to be explicitly told) that it takes place in A World Not Like Ours. Kubo uses Japanese culture in a similar way. The main character carries around a shamisen and does origami magic. He has a suitably “Oriental” name. Beetle is supposedly a samurai, although (much like everything else in the movie) I don’t think anyone at Laika has the faintest idea what a samurai actually is. Even I know their portrayal of samurai is fucking awful and I’m in no way qualified to speak about samurai culture. Literally just from the seven samurai movies I’ve seen and what I know about Japanese history, I can tell you that Beetle is about as much of a samurai as I am.

Kubo sincerely wants to be set in Japan. It sincerely wants you to know that this story? It’s not like all those other stories! It’s set in Japan! Yet, what does the cast of Kubo look like?

Well, they look like this in the movie but they’re voiced by three white people. The official statement from Laika on the matter is this:

“For Kubo, most of our characters are not even human,” [Travis Knight] continued, pointing to the wise monkey Theron gives voice to. “For those that are humans, it was important for us to have authenticity in terms of the characters. Most of the characters that are human characters are [voiced by actors] of Asian descent.” (x)

However, what Knight fails to realize is that this isn’t true at fucking all. Monkey and Beetle aren’t animals: they’re human. I don’t mean this in the sense that Hello Kitty isn’t a cat and Micky Mouse isn’t a mouse, I literally mean that Monkey and Beetle are humans. Monkey is Kubo’s mother (who is, super technically, a god and not a human but the point is she’s definitely not an animal) and Beetle is Kubo’s father. Kubo’s family, the only characters onscreen for most of the goddamn movie, are voiced by goddamn white people. 

If nothing else in this post has made sense to you, this should be perfectly clear: Kubo is inherently white-washed and Laika doesn’t give a damn about it. They could have chosen to have George Takei, who is in this movie, voice the character of Beetle. Instead, quite possibly the most iconic Japanese actor known in the West voices a villager who has a handful of lines and one of his lines is “Oh my!” so you know it’s George Takei.

With the way they promoted the fact that George Takei was in this movie aggressively, showing him in all the trailers, it seems incredibly disingenuous to have him actually be voicing a fucking tertiary character who could be completely cut from the movie without any consequences. Don’t give Laika any goddamn passes for “actually casting Japanese actors” because they didn’t where it mattered. They pulled the same shit they did with the Boxtrolls promos swapping in same-sex couples, and you all fell for it again: hook, line, and sinker.

I’m sure, at some point, there were good and genuine intentions behind this movie. I’m even sure that, at some point, Knight’s platitude about authenticity was true. Laika really did care about making a movie that didn’t fill me with an indescribable rage at the appropriation of my culture to tell a story that I’ve heard a thousand times before set in a thousand places.

That is not what Kubo is. I could tell you more about all the little things I hated, like how Kubo’s shamisen has three strings so the movie’s title doesn’t make any sense. I could write an entire book on how Kubo has failed me, both as a movie about my culture and a movie that falls into the trappings of Orientalism.

I don’t want to. 

I’m tired.

Not physically, but mentally. I’m tired of nobody being Asian in the movies and nobody being Asian on TV. I’m tired of Hollywood taking inherently Japanese stories, like Ghost in the Shell, and casting Scarlett Johanson to play the main character. I’m tired of having to explain, over and over and over, why things are racist or culturally appropriative.

Kubo is a movie that couldn’t even be bothered to wikipedia Japanese culture and I’m just so fucking tired of this garbage being held up like it’s some kind of goddamn triumph for people of color. It’s not.

Here’s a tip for white people wanting to consume Western-made media about people of color: if the main character if played or voiced by a white person? It’s garbage, don’t watch it. If a piece of media can’t meet the bare fucking minimum of telling a story about people of color with people of color? It’s not worth your time, I don’t care how good it looks.

It’s 2017, for fuck’s sake. Demand more from your media than lazily using “exotic” cultures to make basic-ass stories you’ve heard a thousand times interesting.

[jefphillipsblog]

What the hell is up, bitches?

Chapter One.

This being my flagship post, I'm not sure that the use of profanity is permitted, so until I'm informed on this subject, you can and should expect more of it. Probably a lot more.

Ok, so...I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Jef. Alright, well, that shit was easy. Later, fuckers!

Nah, I can't go yet. I have some shit to talk to y'all about, so let's get on with it.

While anyone is welcome and encouraged to read this thing I'm writing, it will most likely be more tuned to the male demographic because that's what I know. You see, that is because I am one of those members in the male demographic and since I will not claim to know what the opposite sex really think about when it comes to the subject matter we'll be talking about, because that would be dishonest and unfair to those members of the opposite sex and it would also be unfair to the members of the male demographic that chooses to take some time to live vicariously through my own experiences and thoughts. So I'm just not gonna go there.

DISCLAIMER:

I am not a member of the medical community in any way, shape or form. I do not hold any license, I am not a therapist or counselor. The information that will be presented here is based mostly from my own personal experiences and from articles and or other sources of information that I will gladly site if any specific content is taken from them.

This content is also based on my opinions and observations and is certainly not intended to harm, offend, diagnose, treat or cure any type of condition. You should consult with your own medical professional for that shit.

Ok. I think I've hopefully covered what I need to to cover my ass, so where were we? Oh yes. I've introduced myself, told everyone about which audience I will be speaking to the most and also made it clear that anyone can read this and I hope they do.

A little about my situation that has given me the inspiration to talk to people that are going through a separation, divorce or maybe you think your significant other may not be telling you the whole truth about their new friend from work. I'll explain more about that myth at some point in this thing.

I met the woman I would eventually get married to at a local bar in the basement of an old building in the city where we lived in 1996. We read our own written promises to each other in the summer of 2001.

My dissolution of marriage was finalized in the fall of 2020.

Do the math. It's a long fucking time. Despite what we usually hear a lot of people say, I loved being married. My wife and I got along for the most part, we certainly didn't have the perfect, fairy tale marriage and we brought three of the most amazing humans into this world to hopefully somehow make it and someone's life just a little better and we did have some really beautiful times together.

I loved her dearly. And I think for the most part, she loved me, too.

But as with anything that is not cared for, maintained, given a tune up every 8,000 miles or 2 to 3 years or so, a relationship will begin to show the effects of wear and tear and it will give you PLENTY of hints and signs that something in it needs a little more attention.

It's like the first few drops of oil you notice when changing the oil in your car. You see that it's beginning to leak a little, but really not enough to cause any real problems so you tell yourself that you'll just keep your eye on it and you'll take care of it before it gets really bad. This is where it starts to feel a little less enjoyable because in the back of your mind, you keep thinking about that small leak that has gotten a little bigger since you looked at it the last time. The one you keep telling yourself that you're going to fix the next time you're under the hood.

This is where a lot of people are thinking to themselves,"What signs? I don't or didn't see ANY fucking signs that there were things that need a little special attention. It was great one day and then out of nowhere it's like being in a living hell."

Ok, ok. I'm going to have to say this and if you take any offense to it then it definitely applies to you. So maybe you should write this down and use it as a reference later on.

A marriage that is going great, will not and cannot go from great to fucking miserable out of nowhere. Sorry to burst your fucking bubble but it ain't gonna happen.

It will seem and feel like it has, but that's because you OR your significant other,( we'll call them the "S.O.") we have to be fair here, has failed miserably at being aware of what is going on under the surface of their great marriage.

Now, I will also say that this might not always be your fault, either. If your S.O. has a difficult time telling you what is happening inside their heads and hearts or is vague and isn't very specific, or just don't trust themselves or you that neither of you will pull up stakes and haul ass out of there, then that's when it's on you to look for and read the signs that are always there, most of the time they aren't very hard to miss if you're even remotely paying attention. Other times you can go about your day, oblivious to what is right in front of your face.

And your S.O. is also responsible for doing this if you are the one that has a hard time talking about what you are thinking about or how you are feeling about the relationship. You absolutely must check in every once in a while.

In my situation, it was a lot of all of that. And we were both guilty of not checking in with each other. We just thought that if the other was feeling something different then they would tell us or that we'd be able to see it and we would talk about it then. Right.

Guys if I can give you just one single piece of advice that will have the greatest impact on your relationship, it will be this:

"FUCKING PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING!"

People say that in order to have a long and happy marriage you just have to communicate.

I say bullshit. Yes communicating is important. But if you don't know what you need to be communicating about, because you're not paying attention, then communicating is not going to give you that long and happy marriage. It WILL give you long nights on the couch or in the spare room spent staring up at the ceiling asking yourself over and over again,"what the fuck did I do THIS time?"

It WILL make you walk around like you have done something terrible and you're hoping you don't get busted, but you really haven't but it sure feels like it. It WILL make you second guess everything you do and say or what you think you might have said or might have done that has brought the slightly elevated tension that you can smell and feel from the mailbox by the street in front of your neighbor's house straight into your living room and is sitting on the couch like the proverbial elephant in the room.

I'm going to stop here. I want you to take some time to digest what I've said so far.

I want you to really think about and look at your relationship. Go through your daily routine (that's a really important word right there, hope you picked up on that) and your S.O.'s routine and see if there is something, it could be anything, that isn't quite the same as it was even just a month or three months ago.

Are there any new behaviours that either of you have started doing that you haven't really noticed or thought weren't really major or has caused a wrinkle in the daily goings on.

I really want you to pay very close attention to phone habits. Both yours and theirs. You'll see what I'm talking about when you start looking a little closer.

So, fuckers, hope you took really good notes because there WILL be a short quiz at the end of this chapter.

In chapter two we'll talk about, hell, I don't really know what we'll talk about. But it will be something you need to know.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. Good night.

Jef