#how much time you’ve spent in a fandom doesn’t determine the validity of you being a fan
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Yeah the renaissance viewers really don’t know this fandom’s history
Honestly I don’t really think that those like myself who got roped in during the silver age like 2015-2018ish when Minecraft YouTube wasn’t in the limelight as much can even claim to be OGs to the mcyt fandom, because this stuff all started in like 2011/2012
Gatekeeping is kinda stupid but like if u weren’t in the fandom when Minecon had just become a thing you are not an og fan
my favorite thing is when people are like “hahahaha yeah I’m kinda og I started watching mcyt in like March 2020”
March TWENTY TWENTY??????? in my mind we’re still on like week 6 of Minecraft Monday.. im still watching new people join smplive… keem still runs rampant… the lava is rising… smpearth doesn’t exist yet.. techno skywars videos… skeppy, bad, and a6d… smpronpa…
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deltas-writing-corner · 4 years ago
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No regrets
Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen
Pairing: Sukuna x reader (reader is referred to with gender neutral pronouns, but there are slight implications of them being AFAB)
Author note: At a whooping 11.5k words, it’s finally here! Thank you all for your patience as well as those who gave feedback during the initial interest check! I hope the wait was worth it and you enjoy this long piece! A bit of forewarning, this piece is rather dark, so please read the content warnings carefully and only proceed if you are comfortable doing so.
Revisions made on 3/30/2021
Warnings: Implications of noncon | abusive behavior | unhealthy obsession | death | slight gore | Please ask to tag additional content warnings that I have failed to disclose
Minors do not read/interact with this post!
Heian era
It was only a matter of time before the king of curses came to your village and slaughtered you all. It was inevitable, but the village elders were determined to hand over every last scrap of fabric and goods if it satiated the cursed being for a short while, knowing the all powerful curse was an indulgent one. Your village was a well known trading settlement, so gathering and setting aside the best of the best on the market was rather easy with all the merchants coming in and out of the town nearly every day.
Your family specialized in sword crafting, often forging or repairing swords for soldiers or aristocratic families who merely collected them as works of art. Your father taught you a bit of the craft and a few seasoned samurai humoured you and taught you some forms while they awaited repairs, but you mostly spent time helping your mother around your quaint home. Your days with them were peaceful, even with the ever looming and expected arrival of Ryomen Sukuna blanketing your people with constant fear.
The day finally came, yet all the preparations you and your people took to secure a better chance of survival still didn’t feel like it was enough as the four-armed monster of a man easily destroyed several houses with a mere flick of his hand and cut down several innocent individuals who fled last minute due to their anxiety getting the better of them. He was at least willing to see all that was being offered to him when it was made clear your people were not going down without trying their luck, but that sadistic smile of his was all the proof everyone needed to know that their careful efforts meant nothing.
Your village elders remained determined, and to the shock of you and your parents, they grabbed you and offered you up as one final offering. You were young, the youngest in the village in fact, and unmarried too. A perfect candidate for Sukuna’s harem and they knew this when they turned and grabbed you without a second thought. You still remember the way your mother began to smack your elders with her shoe when they yanked you away from her and your father’s side. Bless her heart.
Perhaps a part of you knew that your status as the youngest would be taken advantage of if things weren’t working out. Sukuna’s harem was only a rumor, scary gossip whispered amongst the housewives. Yet the idea of a monster like him having a harem didn’t seem so farfetched. You knew better than to question the validity of the lucky few who got away and were displaced because of Sukuna’s village razing and massacring.
Whether he accepted the last second addition to the offer pile or killed every single one of you right then and there, you accepted that your life would never return to how it once was before he came. You didn’t make so much as a peep of discomfort when the brute began to manhandle you, pulling back parts of your clothes away from your body to inspect you in front of the entire village, in front of your distraught parents. You didn’t wince in pain when he roughly grabbed your cheek between two of his meaty fingers and examined your face like you were merely a piece of art, an object. You just went completely numb.
Everyone, including yourself, was shocked when he agreed to take you along with all the goods your village offered, but not without ordering them to prepare another pile for his followers to collect every following month from now on. He made it clear that if they held back a single grain of rice or gave him anything else but the best, he’d send your body back to them in a bloody sack before reuniting them with you in the afterlife shortly after.
As the king of curses hauled you away like a sack of potatoes, your emotions came flooding back in. You kicked, scream, cried and begged like a moody toddler for your mom and dad to help you, to not let this monster take you away and do know who knows what to you. The last you see of them before you’re forcefully knocked out is your mother suddenly collapsing on the ground like all the energy she had just left her body instantaneously. Your brawny father seemed equally at a loss as well.
When you were brought back to Sukuna’s temple, you were hauled away by servants after he unceremoniously dropped you on the ground and retreated to his chambers. You were thoroughly bathed, skin rubbed raw of outside filth and dressed into a fresh new robe before being whisked away to Sukuna’s quarters by his demand. 
That first week under his roof was meant to break you, but for some reason you kept fighting back because of something a bit stupid. You wanted to keep your old clothes the maids forced you out of and you wouldn’t shut up or keep still under him no matter how much he harmed or degraded you. You don’t know why you kept pushing back against him over something so meager. The fabric wasn’t anything that fancy. The color was faded and you were even beginning to outgrow them. It’s the only memento you have of your home, so maybe that’s why your mind zeroed in on it and refused to yield to his torturous ministrations until you made certain it wouldn’t be taken away from you.
“Again with those rags you call a kimono?” he clicked his tongue with annoyance. “You want to keep them so badly? Fine, but don’t think I’ll be so accommodating next time.”
Living in a merchant town, you know how to tell when someone is trying to swindle you. As much as you hate the man who has been violating your body for literal days now, you can tell that he means what he has stated.
When you finally relax your body, he lets out a disgustingly child-like cackle, but before you can express any sort of rage that bubbled up within yourself, your mind goes numb once more if only to alleviate the pain you’re in just a bit.
There are two types of fates for those in Sukuna’s harem. There are the favoured concubines, who live relatively better than the disfavoured, who are made into servants. Of course, this is all a meticulous set up by the king of curses himself. Those he shows higher favoritism towards are desperate to remain in his good graces if only to make their way of living that bit easier to bear. Those he turns into lowly servants and brushes aside are desperate to rise above their rank and gain the privilege and spoils he grants to the selected few. It’s all an elaborate plan to instill discord between members of his harem so he can sit back and watch them tear each other apart without lifting a finger.
Your fighting back was what earned you an automatic spot amongst his favoured. He thought he had broken you, but just as soon as you yielded to him you flared up and began to fight back once more. It was invigorating, seeing the rage and desperation in your eyes when you were quiet and had a distant, blank look just moments before. How long had it been since a human raised their fist against him? Far too long for him to remember.
You were an outlier. Where all would refuse to meet his gaze whenever he passed through, you would always meet and hold his gaze without fail or hesitation. You talked back, cursing him a thousand ways into the next phase of the moon. You never bowed when others did. Never.
Your disobedience gave him plenty of reasons to drag you to his chambers and attempt to break you once more, only for you to shut your mind down as soon as you were thrown into his bed. Perhaps it's a defense mechanism? A way of trying to disassociate from all the rough treatment you endure under him? A part of him is grateful you aren’t like the others, that you’ve come up with a way of protecting yourself while the others around you, who give into the despair and hopelessness he brings them or lie to themselves that he holds some sort of affection towards them, if only to find some sort of hope through this hell even if it means lying to yourself. Both of which bore him immensely as well as annoy him greatly.
It’s sudden and neither of you can recall when it began, but after he was done having his way with you and you regained your sense of reality and would devolve into the usual episode of flailing rage and crying, he began to hold you against him and whisper soothing phrases like “good job” or “It’s over, you did well”. He kept his many arms wrapped around your shaking figure, waiting for you to eventually exhaust yourself and pass out before doing so himself. When the sun rises you are always gone from his chambers. How you manage to escape right from under him is a mystery, but he doesn’t have much of a desire to ask you about it. He likes waking up surprised. Hardly anything surprises him anymore.
It becomes clear to everyone that Sukuna acts differently towards you, treats you differently than the rest of his concubines. There are even periods of time where the rest of his harem is given little to no attention because he’s completely focused on you. The time he spends with you isn’t anything kind or relieving. He purposely says things that offend you and have you screaming at him. Should anyone else say what you say to him in return, he’d rip their tongues out and swallow it before their very eyes without any remorse. But you? He’s smiling down at you, as if you were an actor entertaining him with an elaborate and well-rehearsed performance.
“Damn you! Damn this temple! Damn your ancestors for existing and bringing you into this world!”
“Yes, that’s the spirit!” he gives you a toothy grin, his sharp canines glinting under the light of the sun. “Damn me and damn the rest of the world for that matter!”
His encouragement only infuriates you more. Without a second thought you began to throw whatever it is you can get your hands on at him. Your comb, your shoes, your untouched makeup products, anything in sight is hauled at the deranged man who dodges everything with ease. Just as you throw a jar of ink at his head and it shatters against the way, bathing the wood with dark ink, he grabs you and you both tumble back into your unmade futon.
As usual, you thrash and voice your disdain as he presses his lips against your neck and aggressively undresses you. He’s high off the adrenaline from earlier, making his ministrations much more excruciating than they normally are. 
To him, it feels like a passionate session of lovemaking and he’s left light headed when he finishes.
For you, it’s just another day under his reign and body, your mind going numb as soon as he puts you on your hands and knees.
Just as quickly as he gave you most of his attention, he turned away and left you in the dust.
You have been his concubine for over a year when it happens. Your village continues to uphold their end of their deal and provide him with all the luxurious goods they can get their hands on each month. You’re not sure if he’s trying to torture you more or genuinely thinks he’s bringing you some sense of comfort and calm, but he personally brings you a small bunch of fabrics and trinkets that your father specifically went out of his way to get for you, hoping you would receive them somehow as a reminder that he still thinks of you. It’s during these small moments of Sukuna passing on these items that you learn that your mother passed after you were taken.
You didn’t shed even one tear when this information was given to you, as a part of you knew that was the case after you saw her collapse. Sukuna expected you to fly into another fit of rage. That was the only reason he told you if he’s being honest. He’s caught between feeling disappointed or worried when you just hummed in acknowledgement as you rolled up the soft, intricate rolls of fabric and stored them away. You never did anything with them, so they were sure to collect a layer of dust like the rest in due time
No one, not even Sukuna or even yourself, expected your village to take up arms and fight back against the followers he sent out to collect his offerings. When word came back of what transpired, Sukuna was tempted to take you with him and force you to watch as he slaughtered your village in retaliation for breaking the accord. He didn’t, nor did he send back your disfigured corpse like he promised he would back then. He simply went out, killed them, and then came right back to wash off all their spilled blood. All within the same day. 
After he killed all the villagers, he attempted to locate your father amongst the scattered corpses, but they were too mutilated and disfigured to discern who was who. Even if they weren’t, it’s not like he remembered what your father looked like. Did you even bear any resemblance to him? He overheard you speaking with one of the other concubines that your father was an armorer and was tempted to grab one of the expertly crafted swords the villagers were carrying and bring it back to you, blood and all staining the scabbard. He decided against it.
He’s demoted many concubines, all with the purpose of watching them try to regain the meager luxury and privilege they grew accustomed to. He did the same for you, eager to see you break character and come crawling back to him with pitiful desperation. 
A part of him knew that it wouldn’t take much effort on your part to have him changing his mind. He’d easily forgive you for the betrayal of your village. All you had to do was put on a show and give him the entertainment he wanted from you. You can kick and scream and deny him all you want, but he’s broken many people like you before. He’s had you under his spell since day one.
Except, you didn’t do anything. When he sent you to live within the overcrowded servants chambers near the far end of his temple, you never put up any sort of fight or caused a scene. Not even when he gave away all the fabrics your father sent you to the other favoured concubines, going as far as to force them to wear the garments whenever and wherever your presence is at. He waited with giddy for someone to inform him of how you lashed out at another girl and attempted to rip the cloth off of her body because they were wearing the fabrics meant for you. But there was nothing from you.
When he dragged you to his quarter and began to violate you like normal, he forced himself to brag and even fabricate details of the day he slaughtered the people from your village. He even lied about how your father asked about you before he was killed, falsely stating that the man had a smile on his face when Sukuna told him that you received all the goods he selected just for you.
Like always, your mind went blank until he finished. There were no twisted words of comfort afterwards like before. He simply ordered you out once he was done, one final attempt to invoke something out of you. You merely redressed and left in silence. He nearly got up and dragged you back, but once again, he decided against it.
One day he ordered a few men to build a crude looking home out back, detached from the main temple, and have you moved in it upon completion. If his normal efforts won’t elicit the usual reaction out of you, then he’ll take a different approach. He’ll deprive you of everything, social interaction, decent and consistent meals, and a stable shelter. He’ll have you isolated for a short while, after which he will visit you out of pity and revel in the sight of you crawling back into his arms. If the time he forces you alone is not enough to break you, he’ll simply extend your stay until you either give him what he wants or die because of your own stubbornness.
It hasn’t even been a day since you’ve been moved from the servant's chamber to your new quarters, and already he’s come to visit you. Within the same breath that tells you that your only other option besides begging for his forgiveness is to rot away in this poorly made shack, he gives you one final chance to change his mind, to beg him to take you back into his good graces.
The tatami is poorly crafted and discolored. The rafters used to construct the frame of the house already show signs of rotting and water damage. Before he allowed himself in, the tiles on the roof appeared to be hastily made and were not properly laid out. It was lightly raining outside, yet you already have a wooden bucket set up to collect leaking water.
“Can I help you?” you ask without glancing over your shoulder. He smirks at the thought of you knowing who he is by presence alone.
“No,” he smugly answers. “But maybe I can help you?”
You look back over to him with a mean glare. “You’re the one that put me here in the first place.”
“No, I didn’t,” he shakes his head to further cement his point. “You’re in here because your people thought they stood a chance against me and broke our agreement. Killing you would be an act of mercy to them. So long as I keep you alive and slowly torture you in both mind and body, they will never know peace.”
“You’re lying,” you say with certainty, with no fear. “I’ve never lied to you once. I would appreciate it if I can at least be given the same courtesy in return.”
He hates when people demand things from. Most importantly, he hates that you’re right. Your neck is always so small within his grasp, his fingers able to meet and fold over one another without strain. He keeps you suspended in the air just enough to where you can balance yourself on the balls of your feet. Whether you were tall or short, it mattered not. He always towered over you like the predator that he is.
“You want to know why you’re in this shitty home?” he sneers down. “You’re in here because you’ve begun to bore me. You amused me so much before, but the moment you started depriving me of my source of entertainment on purpose is the moment I decide to deprive you of your basic needs in return. I take what I want, when I want it, in whichever quantity I desire.
“You want out of here?” He makes a sweeping gesture around the room. “Then you better press your forehead all the way to the floor and beg for me to take you back. I’ll even tell you the exact words you need to say. ‘Please Sukuna-sama. Please allow me the privilege of sleeping under the same roof as you. Please let me breathe the same air as you.’”
He lets you go and grins when you prostrate after regaining your breathe.
“Please Sukuna-sama,” you beg.
“Please what?” he mocks. “Use your words.”
He feels a vein pop out on his forehead when you dare to look up and look at him with yet another angry grin. Without an ounce of hesitation, you say, “Please get out and leave me be.”
He nearly breaks the door from how hard he slams it shut. He abruptly turns around when he hears a roof tile fall over and splat into the muddy dirt. Those followers of his really built you a shitty home, exactly like he ordered them to do.
He feels the urge to gather them and wring their necks one by one, but he doesn’t know why.
Sukuna can’t sleep during those weeks apart. Not because of you, but because right as he drifts off into slumber he’s abruptly woken up by an intense source of cursed energy flaring up out of nowhere. But just as quickly as he feels it and wakes with a startle, it vanishes without a trace. He’ll go out onto his balcony and try to locate where the energy is coming from, but for some reason he can never pinpoint it despite his superior senses. He tries to suppress his own energy in the hopes of tricking the source into thinking he’s asleep and unsuspecting, but it would seem that they’re smart enough not to fall for the bait.
He doesn’t need sleep in the first place, so he’s tempted to just stay up and catch whoever is trying to scare him red handed and be done with them. The idea of someone getting the upper hand at him and forcing him into a position of defensiveness doesn’t sit well with him, so he decides to just let the unknown person have their fun for now and continue this little back and forth with them. Eventually they’ll grow cocky and slip up and he’ll confront them when it happens.
Because your little shack is located near the back of the temple, completely out of sight from Sukuna’s view from his balcony, Neither he nor the others notice the plumes of smoke that rise during the dead of night. No one also takes notice of the bits of metal that go missing throughout the temple.
The rise of the next full moon indicates the end of the month. Sukuna sends for someone to go retrieve you, but they never return and he’s left waiting long enough for the moon to reach its highest peak in the sky. When he orders someone else into his quarters he’s met with more silence that only further enrages him.
Just as he’s about to call for Uraume to figure out what the hell was wrong with his servants, he feels it. The cursed energy that he’s been trying to catch off guard the last few weeks. It’s willingly making itself known, practically begging him to follow its trail and meet with him. Just as quickly as he is able to identify and figure out which direction it’s originating, he notices that it strangely leads him in the direction of your poorly built home.
It’s impossible that it’s you. Cursed energy is born from negative emotions. He’s sure you still have an abundance of negative feelings towards him. Yet never did he feel even a speck of cursed energy resonate off of you. His mind immediately wonders if the individual knows of his strange obsession over you and is using you as bait. It’s foolish on their part, thinking the king of curses would yield for a mere human. 
His pace quickens despite his internal dismissal, failing to notice that everyone is hiding and waiting in anticipation. 
When he discovers that the cursed energy is indeed from you, he can’t help but to laugh like a crazed hyena. The sword by your side further amuses him and he’s genuinely curious as to how you got the proper materials to craft it.
“It took a bit of convincing,” you willingly answer his question. “I made everyone believe I could stand a chance against you and they gave me all the materials and tools I needed and looked the other way. I guess watching all those traveling merchants try to hype up their goods came in handy after all,” you look out in the distance as you briefly reminisce on the bygone days of your former life.
He begins to slowly clap with one pair of hands, the other crossed over his chest in amusement. “This is by far the most entertaining performance I’ve ever witnessed. Bravo. You’ve really outdone yourself this time.”
“I’d gladly accept the compliment, except this isn’t a show,” you stand to your full height and get a better grip of the hilt of your sword. “It’s the real deal.”
He erupts into yet another cacophony of wild laughter. “Do you seriously think you can kill me?”
“No,” you answer, truly throwing him off guard by the way he goes still so suddenly. “But that’s alright. I’m fine with never being strong enough to put a permanent end to you. Only one of us will be walking away from this fight, and I assure you that it’s going to be me.”
You draw your blade out and get into a low, defensive stance. Even under the lackluster light of the moon, he can see how well crafted your weapon is. He’s reminded of the craftsmanship the weapons your people carried when he slaughtered them, no better than a bunch of wooden sticks against him either way. Immediately, he regrets not bringing back one of their weapons and forcing you to expose to him your knowledge of swordsmanship and blacksmithing. Perhaps then he could have had you brandishing your blade under his command rather than against him.
Oh well, it’s better this way. It’s just as exhilarating and head swirling as those instances where you damned him with all of your being and threw things at his head. No, it’s more than exhilarating. It’s downright intoxicating seeing you readying yourself for his first move. How sweet of you to allow him the honor to make the first strike.
“You truly are something else entirely, beloved,” he dreamily sighs. “Did you honestly think you’d have the upperhand against me just because I gave you a little bit more of my attention?”
“Never,” you reply. You press your eyelids shut for a moment, and the moment you open them up the layer of dissociative numbness vanishes into a look of total focus and emotions he cannot discern. “But whether I live or die, I have no regrets about tonight.”
You really didn’t have enough strength to kill him. However, you did have enough to dismember all twenty of his fingers and seal him away. For the first time in years, the sun rises and bestows its warmth to a world in which two-faced Sukuna does not instill fear upon humanity or stain the earth in their blood. You and those who were under his servitude walk out of his temple as free people, hopeful people. As an act of gratitude for becoming their savior, nineteen others take one of Sukuna’s fingers each and swear to scatter them as far as they can so he cannot be brought back into the world.
As for yourself, you set out to rebuild your destroyed village and take up your father’s legacy as a maker of swords. Eventually you meet and settle down with a loving partner and raise children together. You pass on the family trade, your self developed cursed technique, as well as the memories of your time as Sukuna’s concubine. Those who come after you continue to carry on your will, to ensure that Sukuna can never be reborn into the world. Your sword and the old robes you kept after you were taken away are passed down as family heirlooms, but they are never used by any of your descendants.
That is until the year 2018, when Sukuna is resurrected within a compatible vessel.
Modern era
You bear not only a striking resemblance to your ancestor, but many of their memories as well. The family sword that was used against the king of curses is bestowed upon you, now dubbed the next in line to claim the title of clan leader, their preserved kimono now fashioned into a sageo that wraps around the scabbard.
Your family stays out of most affairs within the jujutsu world, but your birth and the strong connection to your ancestor eventually reaches the ears of many prominent figures within this hidden society. They think your birth a bad omen, a sign that the king of curses may return to the world one day. Most are scared, but your family pays them no attention. Even if the damnable curse did find a way to revive into the world, you and most of your family members who have inherited your ancestor’s technique will oppose him just as they did a thousand years ago.
“You don’t look too concerned,” Gojo makes his observation known to you as soon as the two of you settle in the small private room you ushered him to when he came to your family estate. He wanted to confirm the news of Sukuna’s resurrection to you himself. “None of you do, actually.”
“We all knew this day would come,” you calmly tell him as you poured him a cup of tea. “This is the risk our ancestor took when they developed their technique. In exchange for the strength and ability to seal Sukuna away, they willingly gave up the ability to deliver him a fatal and final blow against him.”
“I’m not well-versed when it comes to binding vows and heavenly restrictions,” he takes a moment of pause to sip his now cooled tea, visibly showing his disdain over it’s bitterness. “But is giving up the satisfaction of killing him really a fair exchange for a specific technique and a bit of cursed energy?”
Your lips pressed together in a grimace. “You have no idea what it was like living underneath that monster’s reign. Even if the binding vow had odd conditions skewed against their favor, every bit of what was given up was worth it if it meant regaining their freedom.”
Gojo isn’t moved or even impressed by your admittance. He simply shrugs before taking another sip of his tea, face contorting in displeasure once again as he forces himself to swallow the green liquid. You’re tempted to ask him why he keeps sipping if he hates the flavor, but he begins speaking again before you can voice your thoughts.
“So, about the vessel,” he leans against his closed fist, propped up by the low table underneath him. “The higher ups are willing to postpone the kid’s execution in favor of the opportunity to kill Sukuna, but they want someone from your family, preferably you, to be his second shadow so to speak. You’re the failsafe in case the plan doesn’t play out like I promised and the curse needs to be sealed again.”
“Sukuna’s vessel...is a child?” you ask incredulously.
“He’s about your age,” Gojo admits with a displaced smile, but it soon falls once you suddenly erupt into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.
“That’s priceless!” you say while wiping away a stray tear. “The king of curses, Ryomen Sukuna, stuck inside some teenager’s body? I bet he’s pissed off and swearing up a storm inside the kid!”
You’re not sure who exactly is getting the most amusement at the turn of events, you or your ancestor from beyond the grave. After your laughing fit subsides and you straighten yourself out, you turn back to Gojo to ask him the burning question.
“So when do I get to meet him?”
Itadori Yuuji is the polar opposite of Sukuna. While Sukuna had a smile that both angered and scared your ancestor and those around him, Yuuji’s was like a literal ray of sunshine. He’s nice, energetic, strong willed and even humorous. You’re honestly surprised he can act so hopeful despite all that’s happened to him and has been forced upon his shoulders.
You’re not going to lie, but you honestly expected a timid and somewhat gloomy kid. Someone easy to manipulate to put it bluntly. Yuuji’s friendly personality is welcomed in your book. Though you admit that now that you’ve exchanged a few words with him, you feel bad and pitiful that he’s been marked for death and likely has to deal with Sukuna on a somewhat regular basis.
As Yuuji rambles to you about some childhood incident, the slits underneath his eyes open up and a familiar pair of red eyes meets your gaze. “It’s you,” the manifested mouth on the side of his cheek morphs into a deranged, toothy grin that is so painstakingly recognizable. 
Your heartbeat picks up and your palms are coated with an instantaneous layer of nervous sweat. You contemplate saying something or simply ignoring the curse, not wanting to give him any satisfaction of hearing the voice of your ancestor acknowledge him in any way. Before you can come to any consensus, you’re amazed at how Yuuji easily slaps his hand over his cheek and tells the curse to buzz off.
Itadori further cements that he is Sukuna’s antithesis as he goes out of his way to apologize to you for the inconvenience the curse caused you (How could he tell you became nervous when Sukuna spoke only two words at you?) He even brings you a can of soda as a sort of peace offering/token of forgiveness! You’re grateful for the gesture, but you feel bad for letting him think that he’s at fault for something that wasn’t even that big of a deal to begin with.
“Still, I made you upset,” he looks down to his empty can and pouts. “If you don’t want to be around me-”
“Yuuji,” you interrupt him. “I’m fine, really. My ancestor stood their ground against him once. Surely I can do it again a millennium later.”
“Gojo-sensei was telling me about that!” his eyes sparkle with recollection. “That’s so cool! You’re basically his arch nemesis!”
You awkwardly laugh at his enthusiasm. “That’s one way of putting it.”
“So, Senpai,” he looks at your with a hopeful gaze. “Gojo-sensei seems pretty certain this plan of his will work, but what do you think?”
“Well,” you take a quick sip of your drink before continuing. “Before I tell you what I think about this whole debacle, I need to make a few things thing clear regarding the two of us.”
He obediently nods, face now serious, though it takes you a considerable amount of effort not to laugh from how innocent he still looks. It’s hard to believe he’s housing the king of curses within himself.
“First and foremost, don’t call me Senpai! ” you firmly say. Don’t call me by my family name either. We’re about the same age, so just call me by my first name from now on. Understood?”
“First name, got it!”
“Second,” you put up two fingers. “This is the most important point, so pay attention,” you look at him to make sure he’s ready to commit your words into memory. “Whether the plan works out or not, you must never forget one important fact of the matter. You are not Sukuna.”
He flinches, clearly not expecting such words to be directed towards him.
“I’m sure Gojo whipped up some epic tale about my ancestor’s grudge against that two-faced monster. I not only inherited their technique, but also many of their memories during their initial life. In a way, I suppose I hate Sukuna as well, and based on my reaction from earlier when he popped out, I’m not exactly going to handle moments where he gains control with as much poise as I should.
But remember Yuuji. My discomfort will never be towards you, but the curse you are now bound to,” you reach out and pat his head in assurance. “As the saying goes ‘the enemy of my enemy is a friend.’ Which brings me to my final point!” You excitedly profess. “I want us to be friends!”
“Wait, really?” he sounds almost unsure over your insistence. “I mean, I don’t mind, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to put up with me for my sake.”
“I’m not saying we have to be the best of friends” you explain. “Since we’re going to be around each other so often, I at least want us to be on friendly terms. I want your time left in this world to be as enjoyable and carefree as possible.”
“I guess we can be friends,” he crosses his arms and stares off in deep thought. “I’m just trying to think of a good starting point to get to know you.”
“You can always keep it simple and ask me what I like,” you say, laughing at the way he suddenly has an “ah hah!’ moment and looks at you like an excited puppy.
“Do you like Jennifer Lawrence?” 
Yuuji is almost offended that you didn’t know who Jennifer Lawrence is. He was utterly flabbergasted that you haven’t watched any of her movies either (“I don’t even know who she is Yuuji how the hell am I supposed to know she was in movies?”). He went on and on about every single film, but if you’re being honest his 2 minute summaries (infodumping, really) of the plots didn’t really do them justice. Out of nowhere he proposes that you and him have a movie night so he can show you exactly what you’re missing! Of course, it’ll have to be after the two of you settle into your dorm rooms.
It’s true that you were offered immediate admission into Tokyo Technical college due to your lineage, but no one but you and your family knew about this. Gojo also knew. He was the one that brought up the idea in the first place… 
Oh, Gojo told him. Well now you just feel stupid.
That’s how you found yourself in the dormitory’s common area with Yuuji and your other classmates, Nobara and Megumi. Meeting them wasn’t that bad. Just kidding, it was terrifying! Megumi looks exactly the way your family often describes members of the Zen’in clan to look like, blank and unnerving. You honestly thought Nobara would beat you up just from the way she was looking at you with such an observing glare, completely forgetting the fact that you’re a descendant of the person who single handedly sealed Sukuna away.
Oh yeah, Yuuji told them that! Was he not supposed to?
“Hah?” Nobara scowls at Yuuji, who puts his hands up in defense. “You mean their old ass grandparent turned that ugly ass curse into bite sized pieces?”
“I did,” you answer, but you quickly catch your mistake and correct yourself. “They did. Along with the sword they used to cut Sukuna down I also inherited most of their memories which is...It’s not as pleasant as you would think.”
Her expression softens up a bit and she steps in front of you. She holds out her palm and makes a beckoning gesture. “The sword,” she clarifies when you look at her with confusion. “Let me hold it.”
You make a quick trip back to your room to retrieve it. She nearly doubles over into you once you pass it over to her.
“Damn! How much does this thing weigh?!” she looks at you with disbelief
“It weighs next to nothing whenever I hold it,” you explain, taking it into your hold and tossing it in the air and twirling it around to further drive your point.
“Bullshit! It’s like 50 pounds!” 
“It can’t be that bad,” Megumi comments.
“Oh yeah? Here!” Nobara grabs and tosses it at him, much to your dismay. “See?” she shrills when he nearly doubles over himself. “It’s heavy!”
“Yeah, ok. This is definitely the sword that took down Sukuna,” Megumi gasps.
“My turn! My turn!” Yuuji makes grabby hands, but you push yourself between him and Megumi who’s still holding onto it before he can get too close.
“It’s probably best if you don’t touch it. Y’know?” you point back and forth between him and you.
“Oh, right,” he sheepishly remembers. “Crap, the popcorns gonna get cold!”
You sigh in relief when his attention goes elsewhere before quickly heading back to your room to put the weapon away. When you reenter the lounge, Yuuji greets you with a cheery smile before patting the empty space next to him. He wants you to sit beside him, but Nobara seems to have other plans as she sits right in your intended spot and tells you to sit next to her instead. You were honestly scared and a bit reluctant, but your fears subside once you sat down and she locked her arm with yours and leaned her head on your shoulder for the rest of the night. 
She and Megumi eventually retreated back to their rooms before they could fall asleep on the couch after the second movie concludes.
“Do you want to keep going?” Yuuji asked, hands fidgeting with the next DVD case he had at the ready.
“Sure,” you nod, not tired in the slightest just yet.
“Sweet!” he gave you a toothy smile before standing up to head towards the dvd player. However, the moment he stood to his full height he went deathly still. His body contorts before swiftly relaxing. He rolls his neck a few times and lets out a relieved sigh. Before you can ask him what’s wrong, that’s when you feel that disgusting familiar aura and your heart starts beating like you just did a triathlon in a few short minutes.
“Finally, some fresh air,” he sighs in relief as he arches his back and his spine lets out a few crisp pops. His voice hasn’t changed in a thousand years and neither has your fear and disdain for it. When he turns and looks at you with those familiar blood colored irises, you involuntarily reach out to grab your weapon, but you only grab at empty air.
“Hey,” you flinch when he addresses you. No, it’s not you he’s talking to. Given your identical appearance and even your cursed energy that you manifested out of habit, in his mind he must think of you as your ancestor themself, not a distant descendant. “It’s been a while.”
“What do you want?” you somehow manage to stutter out.
“Nothing,” he admits. “’Just want a good look at you.”
If your ancestor or even your family were to see you now, you’re certain they’d be disappointed in you for going still before your greatest enemy. All those years of hating and experiencing all those horrible memories feel like a complete waste when you can’t even muster the strength to bat his hand away when it takes hold of your chin and turns your head over for him to thoroughly inspect you.
“Did you miss me?” he strangely inquires.
Finally. You feel some control over your body come back and answer with an affirmative, “No.”
“That’s too bad,” he clicks his tongue with mocking dissatisfaction. “Because I missed you.”
His face begins to lean into you, lips slightly parted, and you know that he’s going in to press them against yours. Just as you’re about to gather all the strength you can muster and push him away, his body seizes once more and the black markings cross his face and wrists begin to fade and crumble away. An in-control-again Yuuji blinks a few times before checking his surroundings to regain his bearings.
“What happened?” he looks down at you and asks, not registering the fact that he was kneeling over you and firmly pushing you back against the couch with a painful grip.
A part of you wanted to punch Yuuji and run back to your room so you can wait out the slight panic attack that overcame you once Sukuna vanished, but you had to remind yourself that you would be hurting Yuuji if you went through with your action. In all honesty, that second point you told him of remembering to never think of himself as Sukuna was more for you than for him. While your ancestor would willingingly strike down any and all who have the slightest bit of affiliation with their tormentor, you are not them. Therefore, you will not stoop down to their discriminating level, no matter how justified it may be.
The night ended on an expected awkward note. Yuuji, bless his heart, went out of his way again to make it up to you. How? He bought a bunch of snacks from a convenience store in the city and gave them to you in a pretty, gift wrapped box. Nobara and Megumi, who helped him put together the forgiveness present, thought the gift itself was dumb and lackluster, but he reasons with them by stating how you also come from a countryside town as well and how you’d definitely like to try some of the Tokyo-exclusive goodies.
Well, the way towards another’s forgiveness is through the stomach, or something like that. The exact quote is a bit lost to you since you’re too busy savoring all the odd flavored chips and candies you’ve never had the chance to taste back home. Nobara and Megumi feel the immense urge to punch you in the back of your head over how easy you are to win over, but you look so happy eating your second bag of potato chips and Yuuji looks very relieved that he’s earned your forgiveness- 
Oh wow you’re offering to share your snacks with them? Don't mind if they do!
While all of you try each and every snack Yuuji gifted to you and rate them like you’re all a bunch of snack experts all of a sudden, Sukuna is brewing in his own satisfaction as he watches you through the eyes of his vessel. Nevermind the fact that you sealed him away all those years ago. He’s back now by a stroke of luck that only seemed to strike again when he saw your familiar figure through Yuuji’s vision. The cursed energy that radiated off of you, the sword you carried by your side, even your face, there was no doubt in his mind that it was the work of fate that you and him were reunited in this new era.
He made the mistake of letting you out of his sight back then, and he isn’t going to let it happen again. He wants to take control over his vessel's body each and every time he’s anywhere within your vicinity, but not only does the brat have the convenient ability to suppress him, you’re a rather cautious one. Just when he thinks Yuuji to be alone and susceptible, you appear out of thin air and keep him at a standstill from within. It’s annoying, but at the same time impressive as well.
While you may be oblivious to his vessel’s budding feelings towards you, he sees this growing fondness Yuuji is beginning to garner towards you as an opportunity, a weakness he can exploit to force a small rematch between you and him. He won’t kill you. He just wants to know if your technique that surprised and caught him off guard back then still elicits the same thrill it did then. 
You are his favorite source of entertainment after all, and it’s been far too long since he’s been amused.
Sloppy and desperate. Those are the best descriptors of your cursed energy the first time he detected it. Your sword still remains as beautiful and deadly as it was, cutting through rows of trees with ease with just the slightest bit of cursed energy embedded into your attack. It makes the phantom sensation of his vessel’s freshly ripped out heart, beat faster and his grin widens to the point of his cheeks hurting from the uncontrollable strain.
Precise and brutal. That is how he would describe your energy now. He easily feels the hatred and sudden rage that began to fuel and flare up your aura oozing out of you that only further accentuates its new characteristics. Normally, you would be swearing at him with a mouth so foul that it would make the average curse blush in embarrassment. He can’t say he likes the way you silently assault him. Where is that crude vocabulary of yours?
“Senpai!” Megumi shouts for your attention as he tries to keep up with your fast paced exchange with Sukuna. “You need to call down-”
“Megumi, don’t call me your damn Senpai!” You shout in response, eyes never daring to look away from Sukuna even as you address your classmate.
“That’s more like it!” he cheers with satisfaction. “Oh, how I’ve missed your damning words beloved.”
“Don’t call me that!” you shout as you swing your right arm and impulsively punch him. He easily blocks your melee, though you send him skidding back a few feet. 
With the much needed space set between the two of you, you correct your stance to a more defensive one. Your innate technique has been actively running ever since Sukuna took over Yuuji’s body and activated his domain expansion. Your sudden bout of rage overwhelmed you after witnessing Sukuna rip Yuuji’s heart out, nearly forgetting that you’ve been barred from the ability to inflict any lasting damage against him in your frenzied state.
Your inherited technique allows you to perfectly parry his ‘Dismantle’ and ‘Cleave’, but no damage will be inflicted if you purposely strike with the intention of dealing a lethal blow as you have been for the past few minutes. Your sword is blunt upon contact, evident by the lack of any lacerations upon his skin.
He may have offered the chance to heal Yuuji if you agreed to spar with him, but you know better than anyone that it’s all a bunch of lies coming out of his stolen lips. Yuuji was lost the moment Sukuna came out and set his sight on you, or rather, who he believes you to be. You’d easily blame yourself for being the cause of his demise, but you also know that Yuuji wouldn’t like it if you blame yourself over this from the afterlife.
The least you can do to make it up to him is bring his body back so it can be properly cremated. He at least deserves a proper funeral.
“All tuckered out already?” Sukuna mockingly coos at you. “I suppose that’s to be expected. How long has it been since our last battle? I doubt there was any curse who could live up to my strength this past millennium.” He cackles when you don’t reply. He’s right. He knows he is.
You finally break your silence with an odd comment. “You really think I’m them, do you?”
Though obviously rhetoric, Sukuna gives you a questioning look. “Elaborate,” he commands.
“I’m not who you think I am,” you simply state. “I have the same technique as them, but I am not the one who sealed you away that fateful night. That person is my predecessor, while I am their descendant.”
You state your family name, then your first name, and wait. He willingly takes in this information, cupping his chin and looking up at the sky as he mulls it over before coming to his own conclusion. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t seem to accept it as the truth, evident by the way he slips his hands back in his pockets and cocks his head at you with a playful attitude.
“Whatever the punchline was, I’m afraid it fell flat,” he lets out a sympathetic laugh. “You mean to tell me that after I was sealed away, you found yourself a spouse willing to take you, a washed up whore, into their bosom and bear children with you?”
The way he shakes his head and clicks his tongue in a dismissive manner pisses you off more than watching him crush Yuuji’s heart in his bare hand. Most of the memories of your ancestor revolve around their time as one of Sukuna’s concubines. The memories you have of their life afterwards are foggy at best, but you do remember the feeling of peace as well an overwhelming amount of bliss and mutual love their spouse gave them despite their history. It was one of the happiest moments of their life and it never once faltered even after they retold their darkest memories to their children and handed down their initial will, to always oppose the king of curses, no matter the era.
People may think it cruel, selfish even, that they did not strive to develop a better technique and pass down such a heavy responsibility to their children and their children’s children. But if there’s anything those hazy memories taught you, is that they do not regret the efforts that they did make to set themselves, and the others under his servitude, free from his tyranny. Had they submitted and gave into his whims, they would have never been blessed with their children and loving spouse.
Had they not done what they did, acted the way they did, you would not be here, opposing the king of curses within this new era of curses.
“I have never lied to you,” you repeat those now ancient words. “The least you can do is give me the benefit of the doubt before dubbing me a liar.”
It happened so fast that you question if it even happened or not. His eyebrows furrowed, the exact same manner when your ancestor severed the first of his twenty fingers on that fateful night.
When he began to approach you, you sheath your blade and returned to a neutral stance, feeling safe to do so as the previous hostile energy he exuded calms. Megumi stumbles in just in time to see Sukuna and you standing nearly chest to chest. He presses his palms together in preparation to summon one of his shikigami to provide support, but he stops his incantation when he notices that neither of you are exchanging blows anymore, though the two of you do exchange unfaltering glares towards each other that puts Megumi on edge even though he is merely a spectator in this situation.
“I am not them,” you firmly state. “This is the truth.”
Sukuna hums, dissatisfaction clear as you repeat your claim from earlier.
“It seems you weren’t lying,” he finally concedes. “Such a shame.”
With one final shrug, the black markings all over Yuuji’s chest and limbs begin to crumble until there's nothing but his unblemished skin. The sharper features his face takes on when Sukuna takes control and taints with his sigils turn back into those belonging to the typically boisterous boy.
“Hey,” his slightly raspy and confused voice greets you so genuinely. 
“Hey,” you greet him back with a relieved, yet sad smile. His eyes follow yours that seemed focused on his chest and that’s when he finally notices the gaping hole as well as the lack of a beating heart and blood trail.
The grey clouds that have been gathering before you all were dropped off at the school finally begin to shed droplets of cold rain down on you. A drop lands perfectly on his face that looks indistinguishable to a shed tear. You instinctively reach out and wipe it away.
“I’m sorry you had to see me like this,” he pouts. 
“It’s alright,” you withdraw your hand away from his cold and sickeningly pale cheek. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you from him.”
He took a deep breath as if he was about to say something else, but his eyes finally go blank and his upright body gives out and falls forward. You catch him with ease and carefully set him down on the damp soil. He’s officially gone to you, yet you take extra care to cup the back of his head and gently set him down with shaking hands. As you kneel beside his stiff body, another drop falls on his face and trickles down. 
You’re not sure if it’s another raindrop or the first of many teardrops that begin to spill from your tear ducts once your brain finally registers that your best friend is lying dead before you.
A week later
Yuuji is dead, yet it is as clear as the large hole in his chest that Sukuna is still living on within the body, if only barely. Ieiri, Gojo and Ijichi can’t tell, but you can. Call it yet another inherited skill or instinct, but no amount of pitiful words or comforting pats on your back from either of them are going to make you second guess yourself on this matter.
Sukuna is alive, yet for some reason he isn’t staking his claim on the body. You know he can at any moment, but it seems he’s not entirely stupid and is trying to play his cards right.
Perhaps he’s waiting for something? Maybe a certain someone instead? It wouldn’t surprise you if he has allies that are still alive and are well aware of his resurrection. It wouldn’t surprise you either if they were gathering his other fingers in his stead. Those damn things are blinking beacons for other curses, so gathering them shouldn’t be hard even for the most mediocre of cursed beings. Even when he’s made into a bunch of inanimate objects, he can still cause some amount of chaos and grief.
Damn him.
Your claim that Sukuna still lives goes from outlandish and desperate to undoubtedly true when a faint pulse of his energy brings everyone’s attention to Yuuji’s corpse and puts you all on the defensive. It was a signal, specifically for you. He wants you to come to him, within his own playing field and without the prying eyes of your superiors or the chance for any outside interference from your teacher.
Speaking of Gojo, he’s been trying to pull you away from Yuuji’s corpse and usher you out of the room for your own protection.
“He wants to talk to me,” you state the obvious to him.
“Yeah, that’s not happening,” he says with finality. It’s almost adorable how he’s trying to play the role of the stern authority figure when he’s normally such an eccentric man 99% of the time. “C’mon, you need to leave.”
“Gojo-sensei,” you reach up to your shoulder that he’s tightly gripping and gently pry his hand off. “I mean no disrespect to you, or anyone at this school for that matter. But when it comes to matters regarding Ryomen Sukuna, you and the higher ups don’t know a damn thing about that monster.”
Your hand hastily reaches out and your fingertips merely graze against Yuuji’s cold and rigid skin. Just that slight contact is enough to have your surroundings shift from a stagnant and grey autopsy room to a dark and brooding domain. You blink away the dizziness from your sudden shift of reality and the first thing you notice is the pile of ox skulls. You also notice the endless rows of ribs high up in the air that further add towards the domain’s ominousness.
“I’m here!” you cup your hands around your mouth as you yell out. “The hell do you want from me you two-faced bastard?!”
“Quit screaming,” his annoyed yet strangely soft voice startles you. You abruptly turn around to meet him face to face.
“Where’s Yuuji?” you ask with command behind your infliction.
“There’s no one else but us,” he says in a poor attempt to make you drop your defensive body posture. When he notices that you aren’t relaxing, he points behind you with an annoyed glare. You turn to see nothing but the collection of dirtied animal skulls, but at the last second you see an unconscious Yuuji planted face down into the ankle deep water (blood?) at the bottom of the mountainous pile. Upon seeing the familiar tuft of pink hair, you sprint towards his unmoving body. You flip him upwards once he’s in reach, fearing he was drowning or at the very least injured in some way.
As you try to gently coax or check for any sign of life within your friend, you ignore or even fail to notice the way Sukuna observes you from behind. The boy is unconscious only due to Sukuna easily decapitating him earlier as they fought over the conditions of the binding vow he was enforcing in exchange for healing his vessel’s body and bringing him back to life. Just as he was about to uphold his end of the vow, he felt as you entered the room his vessel’s lifeless body was most definitely being stored to be later cremated. 
His reaching out to you was an impulsive action on his part. He now knows that the one who stands before him is truly not you. Your energy and your descendants are near indistinguishable, so his sudden call of you was a mere force of habit and his prevailing desire to chase after you. It’s not his brightest moment, but you tend to make him act beyond what is usually his typical behavior. 
As he watches your descendant talk to a half awake and delirious Yuuji, he can’t help but to examine them with a bit of awe. The one before him is your descendant of a thousand years, perhaps even more. They are your flesh and blood, and yet they retain not only your image, but even some of your memories as well. He doesn’t know what to think of this revelation, truly he doesn’t.
The only thing that’s rubbing him the wrong way is the fact that they are not a product between you and him. It’s not that he has or had any sort of unfulfilled paternal desire locked deep within him. Even if he did contemplate producing a few offspring before his temporary demise, he only wanted children for the same reason he wanted a harem, as a source of amusement that he can freely manipulate however he sees fit. Perhaps he did consider impregnating a few dozen of his concubines to see if any could birth him an heir worthy of his legacy, but the entire process was too much of a hassle that he wasn’t willing to deal with at the time. He had no pure intentions when it comes to spreading his seed into the world.
So why is he angry that you went ahead and did so without him?
“Your ancestor’s spouse,” he idly mentions in an attempt to garner their careful attention. From the way they stiffen up and look at him with that familiar glare of yours, he has it. “What were they like?”
“As if I’d tell you,” they say.
“I see you inherited their stubbornness,” he huffs with annoyance, but deep down in the deepest and most hidden parts of his mind, he feels somewhat glad that your stubbornness continues to live on in the world. “Tell me, and I’ll let you return with Yuuji-”
“Their spouse was just as stubborn as they were,” they cut him off with an immediate answer. “No matter how many times they tried to ignore or downplay their advances, they continued to chase after my predecessor until it was as obvious as the sun that they truly wanted to be together with them and make them happy.”
As he expected, their recollection of your life after him is too disgustingly domestic and romanticized for his liking. What does come at a surprise is that they completely went against their earlier proclamation of remaining silent and divulged him on the information he initially asked of you rather readily. Something must have switched in their mind. Are they trying to get back at him on your behalf by proudly stating that you lived a happy life without him?
“That’s exactly what I’m doing,” they say with a smug voice. “They hated you beyond comprehension, and even if they are long gone from this world, I assure you that their hatred remains just as intense as it was when they lived.”
“Don’t be mistaken, you pathetic human,” he growls, much more angrily than normal. “I could care less who they fornicated with and how many children they produced.”
“For the self proclaimed king of curses, you sure are a terrible liar,” they say, almost pitifully. “You regret the way you treated them, don’t you? Deny it all you want, I know I’m right.”
Your last comment is the final straw. With the flick of his wrist he casts you and Yuuji out of his inner domain and back into the living world. He heals Yuuji to maintain his side of the binding vow before settling back atop his rigid throne of horned skulls. He watches through Yuuji’s eyes how the two of you squeeze each other into a firm embrace after he reawakens. When Gojo makes a comment about how Yuuji is stark naked on the metal table, he feels the immense urge to grab one of the skulls and crush it into a fine dust in his bare fist as the two of you devolve into a fit of awkward but good natured laughter at the realization.
He can’t remember a time when you ever laughed or smiled like your descendant is doing now.
Does he regret never once seeing or hearing you in such a way? Maybe.
But you’re gone, so there is no point lingering on it too much.
There’s no point in having regrets now.
Bonus
Sukuna knew it was only a matter of time before you and Yuuji solidified your relationship as a romantic one. Back in his prime, he behaved no differently than Yuuji did after he brought him back to life, straightforward and without a second thought. Ever since he stole you away from your family and home, every chance you took at defying him and damning his name into the fiery pits of hell invoked something within him. Something no other man or woman can or ever will be able to. And yet, each time he reached out to indulge himself further of you, you retreated into yourself and tried to cast him out of every corner of your mind while he tried to engrave your everything into his very being. Your behavior to his advances differ greatly from your descendant, who accepts Yuuji’s advances with an honest and willing smile.
He watches the relationship through the unsuspecting eyes of his vessel. Sometimes, he gags at how sickeningly affectionate Yuuji can be. Yet despite his behavior, your descendant drinks it all up and returns the hugs and the kisses tenfold. Nobara and Megumi often roll their eyes on the sidelines and comment on how they were practically made for each other. Sukuna can't help but silently roll his eyes as well as agree with their annoyed comments, even if it makes him incredibly irritated. 
Will he ever admit to the latter? Never.
He does not regret the way things turned out between you and him. He cannot regret for the sake of his sanity. Instead, he often ponders about the possibilities. Had he not taken you from your home, could there have been a chance you and him could have been friends despite his reputation at the time? If he courted you properly instead of forcing you into his collection of common whores, could you look at him the same way your descendant looks at Yuuji, with so much love and tenderness that it makes his stomach twist into knots and the back of his throat burn? Despite being a curse who sustains himself on his pure carnal desires, could he have been selfless and put forth the efforts to make you happy?
During nights when they share a bed together, he sneaks control over the body and traces what was once your face with his black painted claws. Could you ever look so peaceful as your descendant does now if you laid beside him? Would you remain in his bed until the sun rises instead of fleeing? Would your body feel just as warm, fit just as perfectly in his embrace as your descendant does?
Sukuna does not regret the path he took. He cannot, for the sake of his sanity. He does wonder about the possibilities.
He wonders, could this descendant of yours have been his as well?
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Review Replies for The Second Law Chapter 14
Thanks to the following awesome people for reviewing my Lotura fic, The Second Law, last chapter: LunarMagnolia, Geeeny, Rosenthorne, EllieDoll, mutedtempest, AfroditeOhki, NickyADon, Paranomrally_Normal, Krisari, TiffanyBlue, Espanholina, CherryVelvetQueen, Brynn, RogueSareth, Star-gazer, DestiniesEntwined, UltraFirelily, mintpearlvoice, graciebuns, Ecrire_Call_me_ment, MystiTrinqua, Qwennie, and Smallblaa!
You can read individual review replies below! :)
LunarMagnolia: Ahhh omg thank you so much for your very kind and extended review! Yaaas, let the princess be cared for! She needs it so much, omg. And guh, I’m so happy you enjoy the banter among the various characters! Thank you as always for your support!
Geeeny: Oh my goodness, words cannot describe how much that means to me, bless! Thank you for continuing to read and review TSL!
Rosenthorne: Thank you for your review! Yes, lots of things are in a bit of a disarray at the moment, haha—definitely a system problem in this story. XD And ahh thanks for your vote! This upcoming chapter is a little shorter, so I hope that works better for you.
EllieDoll: Ahh, thank you so much for your thoughts here. I try really hard to make an immersive experience! But yoooo valid to be suspicious of wild lurking Haggars! Yaas, Lotor and Allura both are so precious, I love them. And bwahaha omg, an “annual” mind-sex jamboree celebration, complete with banners and marketing materials. XD As always, thank you so much for your support!
Mutedtempest: Yoooo I think you got a good point about Allura protesting too much about that druid mind-meld being comparable to sex, loll. But yeah, there’s definitely a lot of tensions, and I’m hoping to grapple with those while also trying to move forward/beyond them too. So we’ll see where this next chapter takes us there, haha. Again, thank you so much for your support on this story. It really means a lot!
AfroditeOhki: “Taken by milkshakes, granola bars, and whatever mind-sex jamborees” LOLL. This comment made me giggle so much. Thank you for coming back to this story and reviewing it!
NickyADon: Oof, you bring up a really good point about maybe why Allura hurt/comfort isn’t so often seen in the archive. Although loll perhaps even this past chapter still counts as whump, since that can include a character getting sick. XD TSL has spent a lot of time focusing on Lotor’s ailments, so I definitely wanted to take an opportunity to explore Allura’s physical and mental state after so much has happened. Either way, I’m so happy you’re still enjoying this story!! I really enjoy the challenge of trying to hold in tension all of the different characters and their perceptions. And guh, yaaas, I love the generals! I’m looking forward to seeing more of them and seeing our renewed Alliance come to form! Thank you again so much!
Paranormally_Normal: Thank you, dear, for reading and reviewing! It’s not a baby, but it’s definitely in reference to something really important! This next chapter starts to unravel that mystery a little bit more. Thank you again!
Krisari: Ahhh, thank you so much for continuing to hang out in this fandom space, even though it definitely does feel a lot quieter. I’m doing what I can to make sure that Lotura fandom doesn’t die, haha. And I feel very inspired by your review! To answer your question, I do have a short reference to Allura’s struggle in the upcoming chapter. I do think, in speaking of the humanity of Team Voltron, that if Haggar hadn’t interfered, they would have likely put Lotor back in his s5 shame tube and worked out some kind of justice/trial to determine next best steps. That’s what Coran refers to in the last chapter, anyway. It seems like Haggar’s interference really heightened tensions in a big way, and that even Lotor has some blame for creating an unwinnable situation too….But yeah, haha. Lots of tensions and problems to grapple with, but also hopefully more hope than what was provided in canon! And thank you again for your reviews!
TiffanyBlue: Bless, thank you so much for that very high compliment! This story is two years old now, and I’m so humbled and appreciative that you’ve continued to return to it and provide feedback and support. It means a lot! And yaaas, oh man, the mind-share might halfway have been a plot device so I wouldn’t have to grapple with a massive retailing, but the more I got into it, the more I loved the idea that Allura and Lotor could feel each other’s emotions and the genuine character of their memories. And yaaas, Allura is a bab and deserves care too. Thank you so much for your review!
Espanholina: Ahh thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I’d love to get to the point of reconciliation and defeating that nasty witch, haha. This upcoming chapter might help to move us in that direction! As always, I appreciate your support!
CherryVelvetQueen: Yoo thank you for all of those kudos and for your review as well! I have hopes of seeing it through to its completion, so I hope this upcoming and future chapters can continue to meet your expectations for it. Thank you so much for your support!
Brynn: Words cannot describe how very thankful I am for not just your review of this past chapter but also for your reviews of all the entire story as well! This year has been quite the mind-twist between the COVID pandemic and several other disasters, but your reviews throughout March and April helped to inspire me and give me something to look forward to. So thank you again! To answer your Chapter 14 question (also yaaas I love Zethrid so much too!), I did end up doing a little scientific research into planetary atmospheres and the conditions that upset them. So I tried to integrate that as best as I could as a salute to the intelligence of Pidge and Hunk’s characters! But of course I’m no expert, haha. Regarding your Chapter 1 review, oof, it was definitely haunting for me as well to think about the chapter 1 Lotor clones after what they showed of Lotor in season 8, guh. And yaas, omg we definitely got robbed of Lotor interacting with Earth culture, but I hope to remedy that in several ways in this story! Hunk and Romelle  mean a lot to me too, so I’m so happy that you enjoy what they bring to this story. They really feel like underutilized characters in a lot of ways. And thanks so much for your thoughts on how I write Lance in this story! He’s definitely a squirrely character by virtue of how he’s presented in the canon show. I really wanted him to exhibit less toxic behaviors and more supporting behaviors for his team and especially with Allura and with her interests. ALSO YAS, CATCH ME LAUGHING IN MINIMUM WAGE TOO, lol. Anyways, thank you so much for your reviews and your support! It means so much!
RogueSareth: I feel like in so many books and shows, the battle aftermath gets totally glossed over? So I really wanted to give a nod to that, because I think even the aftermath can show something important about our characters! I’m thankful you enjoyed that addition! And thank you so much for your ongoing support with this story!
Star-gazer: Thank you for your review and for continuing to read TSL!!  It means a lot!
DestiniesEntwined: Wow thank you for all of your wonderful thoughts and high compliments here! I feel you, on desperately needing a break from all that high-tension battle, haha. I think this next chapter will also function as a “rest” chapter too. And ahhh, yaas, the mind share was so fun! I really do take a lot of interest in the similarities and differences between “clonetor” and “original/TSL Lotor.” I definitely want them to feel similar, but that there’s these behavior patterns that are informed by their unique experiences?? And ahhh thank you for your thoughts on chapter length as well! This next one is a little more condensed and not so long, so hopefully that better fits the amount of content you like to read at one time. Thank you again! And yes, I’m doing much better at this point—just trying to not get sick again in this COVID world, lol.
Ultrafirelily: Oh my goodness, I feel the same way! Like, why didn’t Lotor take two seconds to explain why he just assassinated Narti in front of everyone? Canon bothers me for a lot of reasons, lol, and that’s definitely one. To that point, I love the generals as well! And yeahh, I definitely feel like clonetor would have had a reason of some kind for why he did what he did. Here’s to hoping we can grapple with that a bit in this story. Thank you so much for your ongoing reviews and support, especially considering that this story is now 2 years old. It means a lot!
Mintpearlvoice: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, dear! I appreciate it!
Graciebuns: As always, your reactions to these chapters just uplift my whole spirit! Thank you dear! I really liked the potential of Shadam, even the messy tension between them, so I hope to close the loop on that in some way. And yaaas, omg Lotura in this fic pleasantly frustrates me because I just want to smash them together in a kiss, but there’s so much tension between them as well! We definitely know they’ve got something going on per all that nsfw hand-holding and mind-sex, and TSL being jealous of VLD Lotor, though. XD And the beginning of dat “bond claim” is definitely gonna come back, haha. Thank you again for all of your reviews and support. I’m very grateful!
Ecrire_Call_me_ment: Ahh thank you for your review and for checking out this story in the midst of your Voltron nostalgia! I really love Zethrid, too. I feel like her character wasn’t really explored to the extent that I would have loved. I’m hoping to show more of her in future chapters. Thank you again~
MystiTrinqua: I’m so happy that this story could function to make your day better! And oof, yeah I really enjoy writing Pidge in this story, haha. I catch feelings a lot for these paladins, omg a;sdfa;adjlf. Anyway, thank you so much for your reviews and your support both on AO3 and on tumblr! It means a lot!
Qwennie: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I appreciate it!
Smallblaa: Oh wow, what a treat to see your name appear again! I hope you made it okay through the twitter bullying and through your schooling as well. Life can definitely be tough sometimes! And I definitely understand how current circumstances can beat a person down even more right now. I fight that a lot too. So I really appreciate you taking a chance to come back to this story and read and review it. Thank you, thank you!!
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lokilickedme · 5 years ago
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Because things have been odd lately...
I know some people aren’t understanding my behavior in the last week or so.  I know I’ve been “off”.  I know I’ve been less interactive.  I know some people have taken silence and lack of response on my part as something personal against them.
It’s not.
I’m going to tell you something.  If you clicked and continued reading, then you care enough for this to matter, or you’re curious, or bored and looking for someone else’s drama to entertain you.  It’s fine, I’m the same way.
But this is important, to me at least.
For the first time in my entire life I said five words that I never thought I would hear myself say, out loud, in my kitchen, in front of another human being.  Granted, it was in the middle of some of the worst pain I’ve ever had, at the peak of one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in ages.  But I still said it, and I can’t stop thinking about it now.
Just five words.  Five words I’ve never even said inside my head, much less out loud.
I wish I was dead.
A lot of you don’t know me apart from what I share with you online.  Fandom stuff.  Writing.  Funny stories about my kids and pictures of whatever.  But those of you that have gotten to know me a little bit beyond those things know that this, those five words up there, that isn’t me.  Those words are not something you would ever hear me say, or even hint at.  I’m not depressive.  I don’t have suicidal thoughts or ideations, I never have.  And I still don’t.  But nothing stopped those words coming out of my mouth, no safe barrier flew up to prevent my tongue forming them, and now I can’t unhear them.
I don’t think I meant it.  I know I didn’t.  I think the wording of it is important - I didn’t say I want to die.  I said I wish I was.  I’m sure it had everything to do with the pain and the final frazzled unraveling of my nerves, because I’d felt for three days at that point like I was about to go full blown into a nervous breakdown.  But when they hit my ears carried by my own voice, there was no stab of nervous panic at hearing them.  Just sort of...
I don’t even know.  I’m not going to go too far down that road, because I don’t think it ends anyplace I want to be.
This is where it starts, I think, at least the recent part of it.  I’m not going to go back further to the obvious roots of an entire life of twisted bullshit because I’m actually dealing with that a lot better than this.  And a lot of this likely won’t make sense to a lot of you - I’m sorry.  Read on if you wish...if not, no hard feelings.
Most of you know a little bit about my oldest son, the one we call Big.  You probably know him best as my witty smart longsuffering angel who copes on a daily basis with his trialsome frootloop of a younger brother.  Some of you also know he has some struggles and that he’s come so far and done so much.  You all know how proud I am of him.  He’s my first, the one I nearly had to let go of before I ever knew him, the one I almost had to let go of myself for.  He’s the one I’ve tried to carry to the far side of hell so he can step safely through the door onto cooler ground while my own feet are on fire.
I’m afraid I’m losing him.  He has made profound, astounding leaps of development this year.  But something has happened, and I don’t know what or why.
He’s suddenly regressing in some ways.  He’s losing his ability to maintain eye contact, something that’s common for children with his wiring differences but that he’s never had a problem with until now.  He repeats himself constantly now.  Sometimes it’s nonsense, though I know it makes sense to him somehow.  I can give him the same answer to a question or the same reply to a comment ten times in an hour.  Sometimes more.
He wanders off on flights of fancy, telling himself stories that he sometimes shares with me, about people he knows and places he goes.  People and places he’s created for himself.  He’s always known they exist in a separate world, but lately he’s been introducing them to us as if the worlds no longer have walls around them.  And he actively fears some of them.
He drew a face and handed it to me yesterday.
That’s him, he said.  And then he told me he loved me, and that he would do his best to protect me from him.  I don’t know who him is.
This year he started to master physical contact, which is a big thing for him.  He’s always been loving but never physically affectionate.  Never hugged or kissed people, not even me.  His hands have always been kept away from everyone, his physical self kept carefully apart from a world full of bodies he distanced himself from without a second thought.
Several months ago he decided he wanted to learn how to hug, so we worked on it.  He got good at it.  He was understanding the rules of it, determining appropriateness of timing and recipient, various reasons for extending or offering physical touch.  The science of it, which was the only way he could understand it.  And he got to where he enjoyed it and it didn’t causes him distress or discomfort.  He even lost the awkwardness.  It was no longer like hugging an automaton...it felt like hugging a child.
And now suddenly he just holds on.  Won’t let go.  It’s like he’s afraid to move away, to sever the connection.  It’s no longer just a curious desire to feel contact with another human being, to overcome a facet of “otherness” that he’d noticed in himself.  Now it’s like a fear of the space between us.  He doesn’t want to let go.
As I write this he’s sitting on the floor in front of me, not interacting, just being close.  He isn’t looking at me.  I don’t know where he is...he’s somewhere else, but he’s making an effort, a desperate one it feels like, to stay near me.  But it feels like every day he goes further and further down a road I can’t see, and from time to time he’ll look back over his shoulder and remember that this is where he needs to be...but he keeps walking.
I’m scared for him.  When I speak to him now, his eyes nervously dart to other places.  Faces have begun to disquiet him.  He flinches at noises that he’d gotten used to.  He tries to maintain eye contact, he realizes what he’s doing and pulls his eyes back to my face, but they dart off again quickly to some empty space beside me.
He goes into his other places more often.
He’s losing his ability to connect.
I don’t want him to disappear into some other world where I can’t follow him.  But I don’t know how to pull him back to the safety of this one.
I don’t even know if this is the safe one.
I’m not the best person to help him right now.  I’ve been cranky.  I’ve been having chronic migraines for weeks.  I haven’t been easy to get along with.  I’m trying, but sometimes it feels like all my physical, mental, emotional energy goes to everyone else and leaves nothing for me.  My argument with myself is that I’m the mother, it’s supposed to be like this.  But I feel like I’m dying sometimes.
More so lately.
I lost a baby recently.  Very recently.  I didn’t tell anyone because I knew from the start something wasn’t right and there would never be any good news to announce.  My hCG levels stopped rising and never went any further.  I’ve been sick from that - physically a little, emotionally a lot - and haven’t wanted to deal with anyone or anything.  Just working with Big, trying to hold onto him somehow.  Trying to keep Little under control, which is...an undertaking of such astronomical proportions that I don’t even know where to start.  He has issues of his own and I haven’t been a very effective parent for him lately.  He’s frustrated, I’m frustrated.  We’re all frustrated with each other.
I’ve been dealing with some fairly huge internalized trauma from other things as well, in recent days.  Things from the past that I never realized were tearing me up until I took steps to distance myself from them.  I won’t go into it here, right now.  You’ve seen random posts from me about it, and you’ve seen me go off on people for not understanding.  You’ll probably see more of it.  I’m just beginning to realize how bad things were.  I don’t know yet how to deal productively with any of it.
I’ll figure it out.
I don’t need someone to solve my problems.  I vent to soothe my nerves and no other reason.  It’s how I deal with whatever shit is eating me.  Please don’t feel the need to help me or try to fix anything, or even feel obligated to offer sympathy - god please don’t, because that’s not what it’s for.  If you see a rant from me it simply means I’ve hit a point where I will explode if I don’t put words to my feelings.  This is the only safe place I can do it.
Also please know that if you do say something kind to me in those moments and I don’t say anything back to you, it’s nothing you should take personally.  I love you.  I just can’t tell you that I do.
If I go quiet for days, don’t take that shit personal.  It’s nothing to do with you.
If you say something that triggers me and I get rude with you, don’t take that shit personal either.  I’m weak these days.  My whole life has been about controlling myself and my every response to everything, tiptoeing around every other human being on the planet with the enforced belief that literally everyone’s feelings are more important than my own.  That I’m not valid as an individual, that only my usefulness to other people is important.  And I’m finally done with all that.
But I don’t know how to do it right.  I’m a fucking child as far as allowing myself to react to things.  I’m having a really rough time right now and I’m getting myself through it however I can figure out.  Ignore me if you must.  Just don’t take it personal, because none of it is about you.
I’ve found some things that help me cope and make me feel better.  I’ve been keeping them separate from my main blog because I know most of you are here for one type of fandom content, and my other interests aren’t it.  But I’ve just realized...this is my blog, and I’ve spent my whole life hiding things I loved because other people didn’t like them or didn’t approve.
Not here, not anymore.  Not so much in my personal life anymore, either.  If I like it I will say so and I will share it because it makes me happy.  I’ll do art and writing for other fandoms in addition to the one you originally followed me for.  You know you’re free to share in it with me or not, I don’t have to explain that.  I’ve had my share of people claiming they would read anything I write no matter what it is, only to have them vanish the second I start writing something outside their preferred fandom.  It’s happened more often than I care to mention, but there it is.  And that’s their right and choice, I respect that.  But it’s not going to stop me from writing what I want to write.  Not anymore.
I write because I need to.  For me.  I share it with the rest of you.  People have come at me recently in the comments section at AO3 expressing their dislike over various things, and I’ve responded politely with as much accommodation as I can muster.  I think I’ve allowed a lot of reader entitlement concerning my work over the past five years, changing things to suit people even if it didn’t suit the story, simply because they barked at me about something they didn’t agree with.
I won’t be doing that anymore.  Because if you’ve read this far, you’ve likely realized at least one thing - 
Pretty much everything I write is based in some way on my own reality.
It hasn’t always been pretty.  And things get really rough sometimes or veer way off down a twisted road before they get resolved, just like life tends to do.  I don’t write a lot of easy fluff these days.  It’s your right to read it or not, but I do ask that you respect my right to write what I choose, because it’s my coping mechanism, and sometimes I have a lot to cope with.  And I do that by turning real life bullshit into something entertaining, because the best thing you can do with monsters is put a goofy hat on them so they can’t scare you anymore.
At any rate, this is a not so quick synopsis of why I haven’t been particularly fun in recent days.  I try, but it gets on top of me.  I’ve felt ignored, shunned, overlooked.  I realize that is sometimes my default assumption, that I’ve worn out my welcome and no one cares anymore.  I also realize that sometimes it’s just that other people have their own shit to deal with and they probably haven’t even noticed I was gone.  But I came back after a few days of silence to some hurtful shit that I know was done with intent, and I’m trying really hard to overlook that.
One of my few redeeming qualities though, I think, is that I bounce back fairly quick...so give me a few days, a couple of weeks, whatever, to get my bent up self back into shape.  I’m handling more than I can handle at the moment in my life outside of here, and I can’t hand it over to anyone else for even a minute.  I’m doing my best.  I’m not okay right now.
I will be, but I’m not going to rush it.
Nothing good survives being rushed.
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henrynicholl7-blog · 5 years ago
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coalessscence · 7 years ago
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HOW HAS YOUR CHARACTER DEVELOPED FROM THEIR ORIGINAL CONCEPT ?
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IF YOU HAVE A CANON CHARACTER, answer in the sense of what made you want to play them, how you have come to interpret them differently -
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(for both MIRA and HERB, who i consider to be my most well-developed OC and CANON muses, respectively) PART ONE. what thing(s) initially inspired your character ?
mira. i was inspired to create her as a character years ago, when the mentalist was still on tv. the seventh season had yet to air, and there were the usual spoilers of questionable validity going around. some blog wrote a “leaked spoiler” article about how they were going to have the seventh season of the show include an “intellectual equal for jane” and the people i knew in the fandom at that time were pretty unhappy about it, imagining how badly it could be handled, and the possibility of a forced love triangle that no one wanted. i decided to try and figure out what kind of character i wouldn’t mind having as that “intellectual equal” and ended up writing a fic about it- and thusly, mira was born. this is why her default full canon crossover verse is set in the post cbi world at the fbi in texas, and also why i arranged her backstory connections the way that i did at the time.
herb. the reason i decided to write herb came when i got sucked into wkrp in the first place. i had always known about it and liked it well enough, thanks to my parents, but hadn’t seen much of it or been very invested. i somehow ended up finding a channel on youtube with almost every episode posted in nearly uncropped sizes. of course, i began to binge the show, and although everyone on it are my children and i adore them all- herb is.... my type. he’s awful, he’s a jackass, he’s everything you’d love to hate, and in the early seasons he’s written like an antagonist sometimes. but he has a character arc- one of the more notable in the show (aside from bailey’s and venus’), he becomes less of a jackass over time. you learn about his childhood and you see the man who raised him, you see how he interacts with people, and how those ways change over time. and you realize there’s a lot more depth to this character than you thought. and for some reason, i just couldn’t leave that alone- i wanted to bring my problematic son to life.
PART TWO.  how has their personality developed from their first concept ?
mira. my initial concepts for her character were all terrible. i won’t go into great detail about them, but i hadn’t done my research or thought anything through that well. i was probably about fourteen. it was not a good thing. however, the fic universe went through remakes and updates, and i kept updating and adjusting her universe and character as i saw my mistakes in hindsight. even now, outside the world of her OG fic, when i made her blog, i gave her backstory, personality, and all the specific timeline dates and details a major overhaul, and made other small adjustments when i later moved her to this blog. originally, she was a lot more... like jane, to be honest. a lot more shit eating and closed off in a different way- reminiscent of the way that he is in the show. she had very little causation for how she had become who she was in her backstory; a lot of facts with no reasons to back them up. she was more flippant, and she was also much younger, in her early-mid thirties. her imagined style of dress was very different- think of the fashion posts i reblog for ruby nowadays, instead of mira’s fashion tag. the way she spoke was a lot more obnoxious- still with emphasis on sounding sophisticated, but without the casual flair. if you’ve ever written with mira, you know that she has no use for formality; she speaks with proper-ness but she throws out procedure in favor of a more real human interaction. in her original incarnation, she spoke with big words for the sake of it, and used sarcasm past a point of her proper tone. i spent half my time googling synonyms for words, and in fact, most of my rewrite of her OG fic was just me fixing her now cringey incorrect dialogue.
herb. when i first started writing him, i think i focused a whole on on the fact that i knew he was an asshole. that was partly because i had just come off of only writing the sweetheart of the nation, lorraine baines. but, it was also because i was very aware that my love for him as a character caused bias, and that i could accidentally end up purifying him in a way that would bring him out of his character. i knew from seeing it in past experience that fandoms can take a character that has a lot of issues at the source of their personality, especially when the character is from a canon that involves a group of people/friends/family/whatever, and victimize them, blaming exclusively outside sources- perhaps even the character’s friend group- for their faults. i was super against falling into that trap, and i think i may have over compensated a bit, forgetting that in the show, herb does canonically display actual, normal human emotion and speak with more openness about some personal situations to other characters than i imagined he did. i have, over time, become very comfortable writing him, however- very aware of his faults and problems, and the things he’s done to himself, but also aware of what qualities of his are actually good. re-centering myself with the actual essence of his character, rather than stereotyping him in my own writing, is something that i think has improved my portrayal immensely over time.
PART THREE.  how has their appearance developed from their first incarnation?
mira. i was thinking that she still looked about the same, but to be honest that couldn’t be further from the truth. i would show you the “face claim” (read: random, unnamed image i found on google one time) i used to represent mira in the thumbnail of the first iteration of her OG fic, but i don’t have it anymore. however, she was wearing heavy eye makeup, she had mid-length brown hair, but it was styled so that it swept straight up at the roots- a very 90s-grunge look, for some odd reason. remember, this was at the same time as i was hc’ing her wearing frilly dresses and heels everywhere like life was a ballroom. it was a mess and i didn’t know what i was doing. as for how she looks now-
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she’s gotten older, obviously. her hair is a conservative middle or side part; her face is more angular than i initially imagined it. her hair is just past her shoulders (although not many of my icons do properly represent this). and her makeup is very much an essentials, 50-products-but-it-looks-like-nothing look. also, for those of you who don’t know, her main official FC is rachel weisz.
herb. i’m afraid i don’t have much to say for him in this category? his appearance has always been determined by his canon representation, and that hasn’t changed at all. very plaid. very terrible. although, i really thought about that one episode of the show where jennifer, a coworker, makes him dress super nice and like... Actually Look Good for a day. his clients who come in that day are convinced that he’s not one of them (a sleaze) anymore and pull their business in search of someone else like them. in trying to regain their trust, we hear him promise, “hey, come back tomorrow and- i promise you i’ll have on a suit that will make you airsick!” it’s made me wonder what point in his character arc did he realize that the way he dressed was genuinely horrifying? whenever he’s been affronted about his clothes, he’s defended them heartily, even well into the final season- past the point where he refers to them as able to make you “airsick”. does that man that he’s now just maintaining the act because he feels trapped in it? and if so- how many other, less trivial things in his life are being maintained for the same reasons?
PART FOUR. what do you think most makes your character unique ?
mira. i must admit that other than people writing canon characters from the show, i have not seen anyone writing a character who can be described as a “mentalist”. i think that mira’s “abilities” are part of it, because it’s like trying to write a telepathic character who doesn’t have any supernatural abilities. she’s just a good guesser who’s studied her craft well. i also think that her backstory is probably a part of it. she has come from a very specific place, and it’s effected her thought processes and personality today in a lot of specific ways. she’s been in a few notable situations in her past, and it does give people writing other muses a lot of options to connect with her in a plotting situation. i think the concept that she’s based on, while having grown and changed exponentially over the years, is still one i haven’t seen done elsewhere, and helps to propel her storyline in a unique direction.
herb. he’s the opposite of everything in his presentation- he’s a serial skirt chaser, who actually really loves his wife and family and does not want to cheat. he’s an asshole who actually cares about people and, in subtle, clumsy ways, tries to help them- as long as it remains a secret. he’s a lot of very inexcusable things- sexist, homophobic, etc. it does, in a way, take some commitment to portray him canonically and know the consequences. a lot of people i’ve tried to plot with just really couldn’t like him, and i don’t blame them. he is, after all, a jackass. he’s just... really not as bad as he likes to act as though he is.
TAGGED BY: i stole this from @machinemotion who did it about 500 years ago ???? and i’ve had it in my drafts forever intending to do it cuz it looked fun and now.... here I be bc I FINALLY HAVE THE TIME LOL whoops TAGGING: EVERYONE WHO SEES THIS ummmm @cbipsychic ...... @piper-aileen-lenox .... @peoplesking ... @violetxsilverxstark and uhhh @innocentmanwithabounty and uhhh idk ?? I FEEL LIKE I DONT KNOW ENOUGH PPL LOL BUUT IF U SEE THIS AND U WANNA DO IT TAG ME CUZ I WANNA SEEEEE
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orochimartyr · 7 years ago
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😡 + ✌ + ✍ + ✔ + ☯ + ▲ + ▼ + ♫ + ❤ + ⌘ + ღ + ☂ (Sending these again in case the first ask didn't go through, with some more symbols; please answer this one, instead!)
Oh my god Kame why. From this meme about roleplaying! This is going to be LONG POST!
😡Worst role play-related encounter and what advice you would give to others to avoid similar situations?
Ok. So something I still feel guilty about is hurting some irl feelings (years ago!) when everyone got a little too emotionally invested. I assume the party involved was younger and like many rp’d to be part of a community. They got attached to Orochi who discarded them because A) he’s Orochimaru and B) I might have had some primal negative reaction to people trying to know me. I’m sure it really upset them & still hope they are ok.
After school special: ALWAYS be aware of the line between muse & mun. ALWAYS try to understand people might be younger or not understand something. If you’re ever not sure it is never “immersion-breaking” to ask after people OOC so everyone is on the same page. A lot of people project themselves through their character & its not exactly healthy. There was a point in my life I had no social support except RP & it was not a good thing! 
✌ : Fondest role-play memory, between muses?
I met one of my best friends way back in the 2007 chat-room days. She had a cat girl OC named Shadow. That’s how 2007. But we’ve been through a lot together but eventually her character married some character from an entirely different fandom (True Blood?) & Orochimaru became her weird (ex-husband) patronly figure?? And just their smart ass dynamic and him having to interact with other foreign characters was really fun.
Also my beloved Twitter Kabuto had married a med nin OC employed by Oro to assist. Eventually there was an RP baby & letting Orochimaru hold it was like THE cutest shit I have ever written.
✍ : Offer 3-5 tips on how to get other role players started on interacting with your muse.
Ask him questions. Orochimaru loves answering questions. Its less fun knowing all of this shit if nobody asks him anything.
Be respectful. Or not respectful depending on how you want shit to go down. My Orochi isn’t quick to anger but he doesn’t necessarily have to be angry to stab you.
Memes bro. I actually don’t write much anymore as I’m sure you noticed my blog has become snakes & silliness. But if I can answer asks in short I surely will.
✔ : What drew you to the character you currently play? What types of characters are you generally drawn to?
Snakes? I’m a sucker for a good villain, is what. Orochimaru was just my kind of creepy yet elegant shit. I seem to be drawn to villains and anti-heroes that look inhuman but behave very humanly and are terrible at acknowledging it. Give me those depressed, jilted, mentally ill villains that have perfectly valid reasons for being the way they are and just mess them up. 
☯ : Greatest challenge to writing your character?
Its been so long its hard to say. I think perhaps that I feel sometimes I don’t write him EVIL enough. Like my Orochimaru is sort of benign amongst other Orochi writers. I like to play up his backwards benevolence and his intelligence but I don’t like to fight with him. Other muses usually pick up on this & nobody has forced his hand or questioned him. Dat charisma.
▲ : What sort of information do you like to see on someone’s role play page that helps you determine whether or not you would want to write with them?
I mean I like an about page for OCs def. I always peek at blogs that interact with me. I don’t interact with people that seem like they’re super serious and exclusive because I just. I’m a filthy casual at everything in life.
▼ : Are there popular head canons for your character that you disagree with? Why?
I don’t conform to the hyper sexualized, everything-is-debauchery take on Orochimaru. His true love is information and its not even a healthy relationship.
♫ : Are there parts of your own personality that you reflect onto your character? How do they work?
Ohohoho boy. As I mentioned I spent a couple years living through Orochimaru and they weren’t good years. Denying people access to me on the grounds of that being ridiculous was definitely the worst of it. I still have a hard time with it myself. On a lighter note thinking logically & this dark sense of humor work with him flawlessly.
❤ : What are some role-plays that you have done/are doing that you particularly enjoy and wish to share with your followers?
Oh man! I’ve deleted all my links, I think. But definitely a thread I did with Sasuke (HybernalOnyx I think) Wherein both characters were jailed together after the war. It went on awhile & got deep. 
When I first joined tumblr I was in some RP groups. One was a modern AU where a veteran Orochi settled down after a lifetime of fieldwork to manage the town’s library. One thread Orochimaru hurt his damn self & an only recently acquainted Kabuto helped him despite snake stubbornness. It was cute, man.
Also did a thread in a different group with a Gaara wherein Orochimaru espionage’d around in the form of a horned viper. Shenanigans ensued.
⌘ : Where do you get some of your inspirations for plots/head canons? Offer an example, if possible.
Huehuehue. Studies and documentaries in psychology and science give me ideas sometimes. Asylum horror movies also. Orochimaru’s various mental illnesses are definitely there. The ‘Alligator heart shunt’ experiment had just been laying around in one of my biology labs. Morgues. I’m big on morgues.
ღ : What sorts of plots/characters/scenes do you have the most difficulty writing, and why?
Writing fast paced action is always difficult because you have to depend on your partner so much. Those are best done in chat rooms or short format rp’s and I write...like I write a lot of stuff guys. I’m a descriptive asshole.
Also sometime different muses approach him in ways I have a hard time justifying him not like. you know. Killing them?? I don’t want to be a bitch but at the same time Orochimaru has no time for you??
☂ : Spread some love: mention someone you’ve met that has influenced you or your writing in a positive way, and explain how.
I’ve literally met a lifelong friend through rp & I still love her. I love Sammy my OG Twitter Kabuto for pushing me over to Tumblr where I can write as much as I want. I love @uchihasavior for all the meta (& ItaOro what). I love U for continuing to interact with me even though I half-ass everything now.
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