#how many times do they ask eliot to flirt with the ladies

[haloburns]

nate: here's our hitter, eliot spencer. he's the best of the best at combat and weaponry

nate: no one is better than him at disarming large numbers of enemies without going down

nate: he can identify weaponry by sound and organizations by fighting style, hair cut, and shoes

nate: we use him for honeypots

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Mile High Job

leverage 1.08

Nate: We need a key card.

Eliot: And I hate to say it, but you know who we could really use --

Nate: Don't even say his name. I don't want it spoken aloud

eliot begrudgingly admitting they could use hardison because although they may bicker all the time, he knows to appreciate him

- - - - - 

[Leverage Headquarters]

(Hardison is watching a microwave, which dings)

Hardison: Yeah, buddy!

(he tries to pick up the pizza pocket but it is too hot and he drops it)

Hardison: Damn it!

(he blows on it and picks it up to eat it, then takes a watering can and heads out of the kitchen)

why do we (and parker and eliot) love this fucking idiot so damn much ???

- - - - - 

(Hardison walks through the offices watering plants)

he’s such a nester + he’s probably watering parker’s plant too which is adorable

- - - - - 

Eliot: All right.

(open the door to the hall to find Parker waiting)

Parker: So, what are we waiting for?

Eliot: How does she do this?

Nate: I don't even ask anymore.

Hardison: Don't bother with the stairs. I got you a ride down.

(elevator dings and they enter)

we love to see parker defying all laws of physics and logic and the team being baffled by it e v e r y time

- - - - - 

(Nate, Parker and Eliot run into the lobby, headed for the door)

Nate: No, it’s right behind us, it’s right behind us!

(guards put their hands on their guns)

Parker: It’s furry, it’s big, it’s chasing us, get down now!

(they grab Sophie on the way out the door, leaving the guards confused)

Nate: Come on, we need to get to the airport, now!

that’s actually a really clever way to escape a situation ??? it was very effective to distract the guards ???

- - - - - 

Hardison: What I.D.s have you got on you?

[LAX Airport]

Nate: Let's see...

(team begins looking through their pockets)

Nate: We got, Peter Davison, Sylvester McCoy, and I have a Tom Baker. Yeah.

Sophie: Ooh, yeah, I have a Baker. Sarah Jane.

[Leverage Headquarters]

Hardison: Perfect. I now pronounce you man and wife. (typing on keyboard) Now go on and kiss that bride.

[LAX Airport]

(Sophie hands Nate a ring that he places on her finger)

hardison bases their ids on doctor who characters, what a fucking nerd

also, we gonna talk about how sophie carries a bunch of different wedding rings with her at all times or ???

- - - - - 

Sophie: How did you both know there'd be an extra uniform in the bag?

Nate: Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms in case they get called to work unexpectedly.

Eliot: Or if something happens to the one that they're already wearing.

Sophie: How does "everyone" know that?

Nate: Worked airport security.

Eliot: Slept with a flight attendant

sophie being exhausted + eliot never mentioned the gender of the flight attendant so let my bi heart dream okay

- - - - - 

(security guard opens Nate’s luggage to find many BSDM items inside. Nate gives Sophie a look)

Sophie: What? We needed luggage. Lost and found.

Nate: You didn't check the bag first?

Sophie: We were in a bit of a hurry. (to guard) Yeah. Cuffs are his. Whip's mine. (slaps Nate’s butt) Second honeymoon.

Eliot (picking up his bag): Idiots.

me watching this scene: part horrified part secondhand embarrassed 

- - - - - 

Hardison (on computer): Let's see what we can learn about Nathan Ford today. Online poker? Online chess? Sudoku. Crossword. What... Damn. Somebody needs to get laid.

y i k e s

- - - - - 

[Coach]

(Parker on P.A. while another stewardess demonstrates)

Parker: Place the mask over your mouth and nose and breathe normally. In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. But let's face it, if this thing goes down in the water, more than likely the impact will kill you. 

(Eliot grabs the bridge of his nose while the other passengers get alarmed)

Parker: Please take a moment to locate the nearest emergency exits, because if this plane's on fire, you're gonna want to get out quick. Jet fuel burns at over 1,000 degrees. That's hot, folks.

Eliot: All right, Nate. We're here. Now what?

eliot looks exhausted like 300 different times during this episode

+ bless the other flight attendant that just carried on with the crazy white chick being crazy over the speaker 

- - - - - 

poor eliot with the guy sleeping on him, he’s so exhausted already lmao

- - - - - 

Steve: Nothing. It’s just... I could've sworn I saw a maintenance guy get in that elevator.

Hardison: A- A maintenance guy? Wow. Real nice. I bet you think we all look alike.

Steve: That's not what I meant.

Hardison: You know what -- If I have to go to one more of those damn sensitivity seminars, I know who I’m blaming.

Steve: No, no, no.

Hardison: I know who I’m blaming.

Steve: It's not what I meant.

Hardison: I blame you! You! (walks away)

hardison using societal tendencies of racism is iconic every (every) time

- - - - - 

(Eliot gets up and begins going through luggage in the overhead racks. One of the passengers watches him suspiciously)

Eliot (to passenger): Can I help you with something? Watch the movie.

what would you even do in this situation ???

- - - - - 

Marissa: I know. It's just -- It's like a placebo effect. It's not really working, but it makes you feel better anyway.

Parker: Yeah? So, when's that supposed to kick in? (she moves forward) Look. Flying isn't really all that scary when you think about it. I mean, there are a lot more likely ways to die than on a plane. Car crash, house fire, electrocution, drowning, autoerotic asphyxiation. I mean, the fact is, death haunts us every day. No matter where we are.

(Parker smiles and moves away)

Y I K E S

- - - - - 

Hardison: You kidding? Did you get the new expansion pack? Woman, I was up all night. Now, look, I mean “Burning Crusade" was great, but this new one is mind-blowing.

Nate: Hardison…

[First Class]

Nate: …you bailed on the job because you were up all night playing a game?

[Genogrow Break Room]

(Hardison turns aside and opens a cabinet door to hide his face)

Hardison: First off, "game" is hardly adequate, okay

hardison is DONE with them not taking his “games” seriously ,,, also LMFAO that’s why he was late 

- - - - - 

Hardison (opens door): The meeting's starting, sir. (closes door)

Haldeman: What meeting? (sighs and puts on his jacket)

that is such an effective tactic tho ???

- - - - - 

Parker: Hatbox full of Euros, pouch of uncut diamonds, and a stolen Stradivarius. Now, I’ve never lifted one of those.

Nate: Parker..

let! her! steal! it!

- - - - - 

Eliot: Ms. Devins, those payments were not made in error. They were bribes. He was trying to pay off the researchers so they would not testify.

Marissa: What are you talking about? What the hell is going on here?

(Parker sits down next to Marissa)

Parker: The guy in 1D wants to kill you. Ginger ale?

Eliot: Just – sh-she--

that poor lady is NOT having a good time

also eliot looks sO DONE WITH PARKER LMFAO

- - - - - 

Eliot: Erlick's a pro. He had a ceramic knife. If anything was going down, he'd sniff 'em out when he saw them coming.

Nate: How would they do it?

Eliot: Easiest way? Take 'em out in transit.

Sophie: You mean bring down the plane they're on?

(everyone looks at her pointedly)

Sophie: You mean bring down the plane we're on?

Nate: Yeah

that’s interesting meta to know but we hate to see it

- - - - - 

Nate: Okay, Parker, I -- Parker, I need you – (to Eliot) All right, we got to talk to Erlick now.

[Plane Bathroom]

(Dan is still unconscious on the toilet as Eliot and Nate come in)

Nate: Geez!

Eliot (patting Dan on the face): Hey!

(Dan does not stir, Eliot sighs)

Eliot: When I knock people out, they tend to stay knocked out.

Nate: Hey!

(Nate taps the guy on the face)

Nate: Luggage tags.

(they search Dan’s clothes and take his luggage tags. Eliot grabs the ceramic knife before they leave the bathroom)

eliot doesn’t fuck around lmao

also he did the flippy thing with the knife

- - - - - 

Hardison: Parker, the device you found -- is it anywhere near an orange box?

Parker: Yeah.

[Haldeman’s Office]

Hardison: Oh, god. They tapped into the black box.

[Cargo Hold]

Parker: No, no, it's not black. It's orange.

[Haldeman’s Office]

Hardison: Yeah, the black boxes, they're orange.

[Cargo Hold]

Hardison: Makes them easier to find in the debris.

Parker: Oh. Oh…

[Haldeman’s Office]

Hardison: They've hacked into the flight's computer, which means they have access to the system, which means they can spoof the black-Box data all at the same time.

[Cargo Hold]

Parker: Crash the plane without anyone knowing it was sabotaged.

[Haldeman’s Office]

Hardison: Exactly

that’s terrifying

- - - - - 

Nate: Listen to me!

[Haldeman’s Office]

Nate: You can do this! I trust you!

(Hardison looking very unsure of himself)

[Cockpit]

Nate: No matter how many times you goof off or screw up, you always come through in the clutch.

[Haldeman’s Office]

Nate: You're the only guy I can count on in a situation like this.

Hardison (cracks his neck): You know what? I-I-you... You're right. 

You're right. I got this.

[Cockpit]

Nate: Yes! Yes! Yes, you can!

Hardison: You're right. You're -- I'm the man.

[Cargo Hold]

Hardison: I'm the man. I got this. I'm gonna do this.

hardison is amazing and they need to appreciate him more

- - - - - 

[First Class]

(Nate and Eliot stumble into seats and belt up)

Nate: Sophie?

[Coach]

Sophie: Yes?

[First Class]

Nate: You okay?

[Coach]

Sophie: Yeah. You?

[First Class]

Nate: Ask me again in 10 minutes.

[Coach]

Sophie: You're gonna remember this one, aren't you?

[First Class]

Nate: Oh yeah.

everyone else on the comms: ,,, y’all have to flirt right this second ???

- - - - - 

[Haldeman’s Office]

(Hardison watching footage on the Internet of the plane landing)

Announcer (on monitor): …emergency landing on the seven mile bridge…

Hardison: Whoa! (gets up and dances) Baby! Unh! Age of the geek! Smooth! Too smooth! Lord, I was so scared, I wanted to cry, call my mama. Y'all cool? Y’all cool?

Nate: Yes, cool.

Hardison: Family. All right.

hardison is baby + HE CALLED THEM HIS FAMILY !!!

[commander-minkowski]

I think (at least part of) the reason I love eliot so much is that no matter how you interpret his characterization when it comes to romance/romantic relationships, it’s fresh and interesting even a decade later (under the cut coz this became a whole essay)

if you take the most heterosexual reading possible, eliot is a guy who strongly and consistently prioritizes platonic relationships over romantic/sexual ones. he has a couple one-night stands, flirts with a few ladies here and there, and has one (as far as we know) past serious romantic relationship that didn’t work out. and he always chooses the leverage crew over any of his romantic entanglements, swiftly and without question. 

the closest thing to a(n explicitly) romantic arc for eliot we ever get is one (1) longing look toward kae lynn (the country singer) at the end of the studio job. 

the most emotional, hard-hitting beats of eliot’s story are about platonic relationships. the sheer number of monologues he gets about how much he loves his found family and his “brothers” and his “people” would be absolutely ridiculous if I weren’t a sucker for it every time. 

he shows his friends so much physical affection and does so many nice things for them without their asking and without expecting anything in return (a personal favorite: when he buys flowers for sophie and parker and walks away smiling, letting nate and hardison take credit). 

characters like this are few and far between in mainstream media, especially in shows with five main characters where the other four are coupled up. it’s so very refreshing to see a character who picks close friendship over casual romance every single time, without any bitterness or jealousy. (leo “seventh wheel” valdez, I’m looking at you)

if you take the (heavily implied to be canon by the creators, but still expressed through subtext) queer romantic reading, eliot is in a functioning poly triad, which I’ve literally never seen on television.

you can also interpret him as on the aromantic spectrum; that is, he can have casual sexual encounters, but he doesn’t desire or need a long-term, committed romantic/sexual relationship. this is also something I’ve never seen on television (or in any other medium besides fanfic, tbh)

to be clear, you can do this for pretty much any leverage character, because the show is just incredibly well-written. I just picked eliot coz he’s my favorite, and also bc I hadn’t realized how much I needed this type of character in mainstream media until now

[swordandquill]

Title: Use Your Words

Fandom: Leverage

Summary: Nate's "no stabbing" request makes it much more stressful for Parker to deal with unwanted attention. Luckily, Eliot is there to be scary.

Author’s Note: for the Comfortember event, prompt: rescue. I’m not sure how many of these I’ll do, but I had fun with this one.

You can go here to read this on AO3 instead.

Eliot was quite content sitting on his bar stool, chatting up the two girls next to him while he sipped his beer. One of them was a vet tech and the other was an interpreter for the Portuguese consulate, both of them were slightly tipsy. The vet tech kept going into excruciating detail on surgical procedures for ferrets, particularly into the specialized equipment they used for it, which was fascinating, and the interpreter kept telling him stupid Portuguese puns she had heard from the diplomats and getting the goofiest grin on her face when she didn’t have to explain it to him for him to understand how terrible they were.

Sophie and Nate were in a booth in the back corner, fighting or flirting or whatever it was they called it. It all kind of looked the same to Eliot. Hardison had stuck around for a while, then gone upstairs to call his Nana before it got too late. Eliot assumed Parker had gone up with him. She liked celebrating with the team well enough, but she wasn’t much for hanging around other people once the celebration tapered off. He had lost track of her about the time Hardison had left, which wasn’t that unusual. Out of everyone on the team, Parker was the hardest to keep track of in a crowd.

Which was why he almost knocked over his beer when Parker slammed into his side like a missile, wrapping her hands around his arm hard enough to bruise.

“You’re my boyfriend,” she said with an odd note of demand in her voice.

Eliot took in the wild look in her eyes, patted the hand digging into his bicep, then gave the girls on the bar stools beside him an easy smile, “excuse me ladies.”

He led Parker over to a quiet spot behind the billiard tables before prying her hands off his arm, then leaned against the wall casually, effectively blocking the view of her from the rest of the room.

“Why am I your boyfriend?” he asked, “I thought Hardison was your boyfriend, or whatever you’re calling it.”

“Hardison doesn’t look scary,” Parker folded her arms across her chest and hunched her shoulders, “I need a boyfriend who looks scary because Nate said I shouldn’t stab people just for talking to me…”

“I’m pretty sure that only applies to when we’re running cons,” Eliot tried to interject, but Parker kept going.

“And Sophie said I should use my words first, but I did and he still kept talking to me, and then his friend with the oily hair started talking to me too, and I want them to stop talking to me and looking at me and… and… being there,” Parker was breathing hard by the time she finished, practically trembling with the particular frustration of not knowing what to do with people when she had been told not to do what she really wanted to.

“Hey,” Eliot dropped his hands onto her shoulders, “who do you need me to scare?”

All of the tension dropped out of Parker’s shoulders, and she pointed to a pair of drunks who had sauntered over to the girls Eliot had been talking to. They kept casting fugitive glances in Parker and Eliot’s direction. The vet tech made a motion towards one of them as if she was cutting something open with a scalpel, probably him, and he looked a little green in response. Neither girl looked enamored with the attention.

“Come on,” Eliot dropped his arm around Parker’s shoulders, pulling her safely against his side, and she relaxed into him, “let’s go scare some drunks.”

Said drunks twitched nervously when Eliot walked up to them.

“There’s no rules against talking to pretty girls,” the one with slightly less oily hair said defensively before Eliot had even said anything.

“You should leave,” Eliot suggested with a menacing smile.

“We can be here if we want,” the oiler of the two tried to square up his shoulders and look bigger, “you don’t own the place.”

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Nate and Sophie had stopped their flirt-fighting to watch, ready to step in if they needed to. They wouldn’t need to though. Eliot probably wasn’t even going to need to punch anyone.

“You know, noses just break so easily,” Eliot cocked his head to the side just slightly, “there’s this little bone in there called the vomer. Usually it just breaks, but if you hit it just right, you can drive it right through the sinuses and into the brain cavity. It’s a pretty cool trick, actually. Takes a lot of practice.”

The drunks exchanged nervous glances.

“Wanna see?” Eliot asked cheerfully.

Parker hid her giggles against Eliot’s shoulder as the drunks decided discretion was the better part of valor and beat a trail to the door. Across the room, Nate smirked at him and Sophie smiled, then they went back to whatever it was that passed as quality time for them.

Eliot’s previous conversation partners seemed just about done with the attention of strangers, so he gave them a friendly wave and walked away, Parker gliding happily at his side.

“So what are we doing now?” Parker asked.

Going home seemed like a reasonable response, but Parker was still full of jittery energy, and it wasn’t that late yet.

“Come on,” Eliot started towards the door, “let’s stop by the store and grab what we need to make brownies, then we can see if Hardison wants to watch a movie or something.”

“The fudgy kind with chocolate chips?” Parker latched onto his hand eagerly.

“Sure,” Eliot shrugged.

‘And peanut butter frosting?” Parker all but vibrated with excitement.

“Have you eaten anything that wasn’t sugar today?”  Eliot asked as they stepped outside.

“Frosted flakes are made of corn,” Parker offered, “that makes them a vegetable.”

“We’ll pick up something to make for dinner, too.” Eliot gave a long suffering sigh.

“Waffles!” Parker cheered.

“I’m making you brownies. We’re having stir fry for dinner,” Eliot said firmly.  

“But peanut butter frosting!” Parker swung their hands together.

“Yes, Parker,” Eliot smiled despite himself.

All things considered, it wasn’t the worst way to spend an evening, and Eliot hadn’t even had to break any noses to get there.