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chungwoohell · 7 months ago

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ep: 602

LeTi x Stars Orbit entertainment variety show arc pt 1

We will split up all group members and divide them into 4 teams!

T-Holic said, who made an unconventional declaration.

“Originally, we almost came up with an ambiguous number of five teams…”

“It just so happened that one of our members was missing, right?

“Yes.”

“I heard that a traitor who went to film a movie shouldn’t have a life-size stand put up.”

After taking a moment to appreciate the situation that seems to be floating around the internet, such as 'What happens if a T-Holic member fails to attend a variety show alone.txt'.

"Now then, let's all decide on a team!"

Now is the time to really split the existing teams apart....

"It doesn't work if a team with only one group has many members, right? We took everything into consideration and came up with a very fair method... It's here!"

The production crew went around to each group and handed out posters.

"It's a psychological test!"

"Yes?"

"People choosing the same answer? "It's about team building!"

"Is this a clue that we are a good fit for each other?"

It’s a classic

"Ah! For groups where the number of people is not a multiple of 4, the production team has pre-determined the number of people who can choose for each option. Guys! Just look in parentheses!"

What the hell.

I sighed and read the question on the poster.

Still, I am meticulous in my own way........

[Question! As I was walking down the trail, I saw a sign. But I can't read it because it's in a foreign language. Which one should I follow?]

-1. Blue (2 people)

-2. Green (2 people)

-3. Yellow (1 person)

-4. Red (2 people)

“…….”

Huh… Is this a clue?

“It’s like choosing a favorite color…”

“Uh-huh! It all has a deeper meaning, guys!

Those bastards have sharp ears.

“Oh my! Of course, hyung!”

“Let us guess its deep meaning!”

“That’s right~!”

I’m gritting my teeth.

But everyone here who is full of entertainment, put their heads togather on the poster and started thinking seriously.

Which color sign should I follow?

"[RED!!] I'm red. That hair is a lot of red too! It's a good sign."

"Oh~ Okay."

Bae Sejin said in a low voice.

"But red... Isn't this a danger and caution sign?"

"...Let's just do what we want."

That's how Cha Eugene got the first flag, choosing red.

And surprisingly... Seon Ahyeon chose the remaining red color.

“……??"

"Well, we... It reminded me of the chorus of the intro song, <Sunset>!"

(t/n: Ahyeon’s solo song that’s the intro song for ‘Bad Time’ album.)

"Aha."

-Red is yours… Your color, your name.

With the chorus automatically playing in their heads, everyone nodded as he spoke with blushing cheeks.

‘It’s an affection for solo songs.’

“Oh, that’s right. Actually, that’s why I chose it too.”

“That’s a lie!”

“Eugene, there’s a saying in Korea that says if you lie, horns will grow on your butt.”

“That’s so cool. Why do wonderful things happen when you lie?”

“……”

Everyone was speechless. I opened my mouth again.

“Let’s just do what we want.”

“Huh.”

And while the members were each choosing the color of the sign one by one, giving various reasons after careful consideration, a question came back to me as well.

"Where do you want to go to MoondaeMoondae?”

"I don't mind just taking what's left...."

"Hey! Where can you find something like that?"

"Okay. You have to choose what you want, Moondae."

I rubbed the back of my neck and finally caught one due to the enthusiastic support of the entertainment show.

"Then... I’ll pick yellow."

"Because of Welsh corgi?"

"Because you’re a puppy?"

Are you serious?

"It's the color of my first dyed hair."

“Aha~”

"Well, it was good hanging out with you Moondae...!"

ΟΚ.

I chose yellow well among the applause.

Well, actually.

The fact that there was only one person in yellow had some influence.

'If you're going to go alone, it's either me or Big Sejin.'

Shouldn't those who can create light-heartiness for broadcasting while keeping a reasonable line between unfamiliar and unfamiliar people go?

But for some reason, Big Sejin seemed to want to choose blue.

"Uhm. So, should I do blue? "I like it because it somehow feels like I'm going to the beach~"

Just as I thought.

Anyway, when each person picks a color and raises their hand, the production team gives them a cloth.

Then, tie it roughly around your head, waist, or chest according to your preference, and move towards the colorful flags fluttering.......

There are already two people standing in front of the yellow flag I chose.

"Hey! Moondae-ssi!"

"Oh~"

I blinked.

The VTIC guy who came running... It was Jin Chaeyul, smiling brightly.

“Oh~”

"Moondae-ssi also likes yellow!”

"Yes... Yes."

And the guy next to me is Ha Jintae, a T-Holic member with a yellow bandana wrapped around his head.

“It’s like sunshine, the symbol of a leader.”

“……”

“…In fact, Martin took red first because it was a symbol of passion.”

OK.

And the person who came over after me…

“Hey!! Our team looks really strong!”

Miry-nay’s Jeong Yulgi.

“Oh my god! Moondae hyung! Oh, this is so cool!”

And Gold 2… Spacer’s Kwon Heeseung.

“……”

“Shall we make a slogan? Wow, I’m so excited!”

“Good! Our seniors and juniors, is there anything you want to do?”

"Wow me! I hope it's like a sunflower! It's pretty, big, and delicious!"

"Sunflower? Wow, that's such a good idea, Jeong Yulgi!"

"Thank you, Chaeyul sunbaenim!... Wow! Marshmallow’s Sua sunbaenim has arrived!"

(t/n: using marshmallow as soft and sweet.)

"Wow!"

"Hello!"

This is getting embarrassing.

'What the hell just happened?'

I think I heard 'Wow' about 10 times.

What does this atmosphere mean, as if it were a gathering of kindergarten teachers in recreation?

I felt dumbfounded as I saw all the people smiling brightly.

What's even scarier is that these smiles are not just from capitalism but are genuine.

“What’s everyone’s MBTI? I’m an ENFP!”

“Hey, me too!”

“It’s me!”

Yellow team. Perfect for Big Sejin… Should I have given it to you instead?

“Wait a sec.”

Ha Jintae suddenly looked around and put his hand on his chin with a serious face.

"I can't believe we get along so well, our team... Isn't first place destiny?"

“..?"

"It's a team made up of the top survivalists!"

"Huh!"

Miry-nay’s Jeong Yul-gi and Gold 2 Kwon Heeseung screamed and turned, looking at themselves and me. Their eyes are bright.

Are you asking me to respond?

‘What is this…’

I mentally slapped my head that was about to feel agitated for a moment and came to my senses.

"It was a long time ago, and there are many people who have never appeared on a survival show."

"No way."

Ha Jintae whispers.

"Me and Chaeyul... He's the member with the best voice on the team."

"Sua-ah, you too, right?"

"Oh, that... It seems like it!"

The Marshmallow member, who is famous for being a fearful and crybaby member of the team, answered brightly.

-lol

-Jintae, come to your senses.

-The yellow team, which consists of 1st place survivalist and the group who’s in charge of teasing, feels proud.

“……”

The expected reaction comes to mind in surround. What do you think?

Meanwhile, Jin Chaeyul nods his head brightly.

"That's right! I also get to say whatever I want to say in our group!"

"Me too!"

Come to your senses. That is brainwashing.

***

After many twists and turns, team recruitment was completed.

"Everyone, do you like all your teammates?"

"Yes!"

A clear and powerful voice filled the lawn.

If you're the type of person who says you don't like them, you wouldn’t be an idol.

What, I’m not bad either. Anyway… I still saw my teammates with smiles on their faces.

Still... The composition of the team is unexpected, but it seems difficult to take control... Let's just accept it.

'Let's just have fun. Just fun.'

It's okay that they are happy among themselves. My portion of screen time... Let's do something about it.

When I look around, I see other completed teams.

First of all, the faces visible under the green flag.

"When I thought about the symbolic meaning of a sign, I intuitively decided that green would be the safest to convey!"

"...! Me too!"

"Haha, I guess everyone had similar thoughts."

"Our team is the brain. It's so good, guys."

Kim Raebin, Miry-nay’s Park Minha, and even Ryu Chungwoo.

That team's T-Holic Wonseok was looking at his teammates with a bright expression on his face as if he had just drunk.

When VTIC Shinnoh joined us for the last time, the green team welcomed him with utmost amicability and cheered him on.

It's literally a group project of hope.

'They're all the calm type.'

Roughly... For some reason, it was a combination of trying to make a rational decision and then running off into a strange place and making people laugh. That's fun.

-Ryu Chungwoo's group assignment without stomachache makes me like feel like Idolinc’s a past life.

(t/n: in the actual Debut or Die novel, someone commented this during early idolinc arc.)

I nodded in anticipation and looked at the other side. What's on this side is the red flag, the red team.

Each person is already making an introduction gesture....

"I'm Martin!"

"I'm Eugene!"

"My name is Seon Ahyeon. Please take care of me...!"

Pokémon’s Team Rocket?

"Hey, feel free to introduce your juniors!"

"it's okay. It's okay, I... I'm just happy just to be on a variety show........"

"Even if I just stand up the flag, it's a miracle. Please pamper yourself to your heart's content."

'... ??'

People with polar opposite tendencies have all gathered together.

Both Miry-nay and Spacer said that the composition members chose this place by chance, and they both seem to have unique personalities.

'Are they just gathering their own aggro makers?'

And here comes the final boss........

"Each team member here has a unique color. Well, that's a good thing. We can create synergy by acknowledging each other's differences."

"Oooh~"

"Really, I think so...!"

"Yes. In the short term, I think we are an efficient union. Hmm, to put it in perspective, the team’s name comes from the red spectrum......."

……VTIC’s Judan.

I looked at the somewhat triumphant guy and inwardly shook my head.

'I'm excited that there is no enforcement team.'

I guess I'll have to catch Eugene and crack down on him.

…I told him not to say something like ‘Nerd’ in his mouth.

And last.

If you pull your head out and turn... I see a blue flag.

The blue team gathered early and even finished creating the team’s name.

"Oh~ Cheongnyeo sunbaenim! I am so reassured~ Please take care of me."

"Haha, that's too much praise, Sejin-ssi. I really don't appear in many entertainment shows... I will try my best not to cause any inconvenience."

"It's an honor, seniors. "I am Miry-nay’s Seong Harin, I will work hard!"

"This is it. Everyone is so reassuring. That’s great!"

VTIC Cheongryeo, TeSTAR Lee Sejin, and Miry-nay Seong Harin.

All of them were burning with ambition and were sitting with smiles on their faces.

There is no separate tiger den.

"......I look forward to working with you all."

And Bae Sejin was caught in the gap, looking like he wanted to run away.

It's his face that looks like it's about to pass out at any moment.

'Maybe I should have given him yellow.'

Can't help it. Stay strong, Bae Sejin.

And looking at it this way, I could already see the future of how this program would work.

'These guys are the ones who come up with a strategy to steal the game before they win.'

A team full of guys who prioritize practicality over winning. Is there a more threatening combination in entertainment?

But let's not be mistaken.

'It's an individual exhibition.'

Will the yellow team win or the blue team? That doesn't matter.

The important thing is that the TeSTAR on each team must get the most attraction.

When our eyes met, I returned the same grin to Cheongryeo, who grinned.

'Huh. Even if I act recklessly. I will win.'

Watch carefully.

"Okay then, our good juniors..."

"Huh?"

At that moment, T-holic’s Yoon of the blue team was trying to start a conversation when he was tackled by Ha Jintae.

"Maknae, what is your habit of speaking to your senior?"

(t/n: maknae = youngest member)

“…?!"

Ha Jintae swung his arm.

"Sunbaenim, your eyes are wide open. How can you let them call them you junior!"

"What are you talking about?"

"That person!"

Ha Jintae's hands politely pointed to a member of the blue team.

It was..... Bae Sejin!

"He debuted two years earlier than you! A genius child actor!"

“Huh?”

At that moment, even the morning sunlight sparkled as if a halo was visible behind Bae Sejin.

"......Hey, it's okay."

But T-Holic's youngest bowed his head!

"I'm sorry, sunbaenim!"

"...!? No, it's really okay......."

"Ah, to the heavenly sunbaenim! Do you know what mistake I made?"

"Ugh, I feel it so deeply!"

"Are you just saying it?"

"Oh no! From now on, Bae Sejin sunbaenim is the team leader! How dare a junior try to become a team leader!"

"... ??"

"Okay, I've decided! "Our team’s name is not Blue Bird, it's Team Blue Bae!"

Bae Sejin’s facial expression speaks.

‘Me?’

However, because of the discussion.

In the end, he was raised in front of the flag like a King.

Fluttering.

“Team Blue Bae, let’s go!”

With the blue flag in the background, Bae Sejin covered his face with one hand.

"Wow, the only team leader who isn't a member of T-Holic!"

'Excellent.'

I internally applauded the true screen time maker.

"So, have you all decided on a team name?"

"Yes!!"

"Okay, then...... MT begins!"

And finally, full-scale filming began with cheers.

…Of course, from now on, it's going to be a disaster .

#dmj hell #idol hell section #leti stars orbit collab arc

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jewish-privilege · 4 years ago

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(...)

I was a 12 years old when I was attacked by a mob of children and called "Christ killer" — the same age Jesus was, according to the Gospel of Luke, when he lingered in the Temple of Jerusalem and impressed the elders with his intellect — so this issue is undeniably personal. That wasn't the first or last time I was bullied for being Jewish, but it was the only time I nearly died because of it: Those kids held my head underwater, chanting, "Drown the Jew!"

This incident sprang back to mind this month as Republicans tried to figure out what to do about Greene, a particularly obnoxious Christian right-winger who has suggested that a "space laser" affiliated with Jewish banking families caused the 2018 Camp Fire in California, expressed sympathy for the anti-Semitic QAnon fantasies, promoted a video that claimed Jews are trying to destroy Europe, posed for a picture with a Ku Klux Klan leader and liked a tweet linking Israel to the assassination of John F. Kennedy.

(...)

None of this is surprising for anyone who is familiar with the history of American anti-Semitism. Greene is not an aberration, some inexplicable pimple of hatred that blemishes the American right's otherwise Jew-friendly visage. The American right has long had an anti-Semitism problem, and she's just the latest symptom.

This history of hatred "tells us much more about the anti-Semite than it tells us about Jews," Dr. Jonathan Sarna, a professor of American Jewish history at Brandeis University, told Salon. After citing an Israeli historian who refers to anti-Semitism as a "cultural code," Sarna explained that beliefs that vilify Jews as malevolent plotters who secretly control the world have a long history in American political life. "These ideas, which I think many on the left frankly had thought were done and over with, we suddenly see them full blown," he said

Before the 19th century, Sarna explained Jews were stereotypically depicted as being cursed: They were "wandering Jews" for their supposed role in killing Jesus Christ. In the modern era, however, the stereotype emerged that Jews secretly controlled the world and were responsible for everything that a given anti-Semite might regard as sinister. During the Civil War, Gen. Ulysses S. Grant blamed the Jews for cotton smuggling and expelled the entire Jewish community from areas he controlled in Kentucky, Tennessee and Mississippi. When the populist movement arose to address agrarian economic concerns in the 1890s, Jewish bankers like the Rothschilds were a frequent target among ideological leaders like William Hope "Coin" Harvey.

(...)

There's a direct line between those conspiratorial fantasies ideas from previous decades and the anti-Semitic attacks of the 21st century. "Conspiratorial thinking, by its nature, argues that everything is connected," Sarna explained. "There are no coincidences and it eschews complexity. It believes there are simple explanations based on sinister individuals who are manipulating the universe. Unsurprisingly, in a Christian setting, those are Jews."

Those ideas can evolve — Sarna pointed out that the QAnon belief in a giant child abuse ring run by Jews is analogous to the "blood libel," the medieval myth that Jews used the blood of Christian children for rituals — but the underlying assumptions have been consistent. It just so happens that, in the modern right-wing incarnation, Donald Trump's cult-like following believes that "all the enemies of Mr. Trump are now child molesters."

(...)

[Jewish comedian Larry Charles] brought up community organizer and political theorist Saul Alinsky, a favorite target of the right. "He is almost like the devil in a way," Charles observed. "He's like this radical leftist Jew, he fits all the categories. He checks all the boxes."

"Shooting some of these movies, we would see reasonable people who have this blind spot," Charles said. "They have this crazy belief, and there were all different applications and manifestations of it, that the Jews control everything. That is like a mantra amongst a certain segment of the population."

(...)

With the election of Trump in 2016, those ingrained belief systems — which for many years had been kept outside the American political mainstream — became more prominent, and their adherents more emboldened. David Weissman, a military veteran and former conservative Republican who stopped being a self-described "Trump troll" after a 2018 conversation with comedian Sarah Silverman, told Salon about his encounters with anti-Semitism on the right.

Back when he still supported Trump, Weissman recalled, he got into a "little spat" with an alt-right commentator who calls himself Baked Alaska, who was recently arrested after the Jan. 6 Capitol riot. Ultimately they moved past it, Weissman said: "We both realized we were Trump supporters" who believed "Democrats were the bad guys." Once he left MAGA world, however, Weissman said "the anti-Semitism definitely escalated" in interactions with his former allies.

"When I became a Democrat, I was called 'the k-word'" and targeted by "anti-Semitic slurs and tropes," Weissman said. Trump supporters sent "memes of me being Jewish in the oven," and "put my name in parentheses," a common tactic used by the far right to target someone for being Jewish.

(...)

"Anti-Semitism certainly did not start with Marjorie Taylor Greene, nor did it start with Donald Trump, but we have seen an exponential increase in violent anti-Semitic incidents during Donald Trump's presidency," Halie Soifer, CEO of the Jewish Democratic Council of America, told Salon. "That is no doubt related to the fact that he emboldened and aligned himself with white nationalism." She mentioned Trump equating the neo-Nazis in Charlottesville with the peaceful protesters by "commenting that there were very fine people on both sides," refusing to denounce white nationalism and telling the right-wing Proud Boys during one of the campaign debates to "stand back and stand by."

"White nationalism had existed in our country prior to that, and anti-Semitism as an element of it, but white nationalists had never had an ally in the White House until Donald Trump," Soifer said.

(...)

Donald Trump's supposed pro-Israel policies were closely aligned with those of Benjamin Netanyahu, and did nothing to correct for Trump's history of anti-Semitic words and actions. He accused Jewish Democrats of "great disloyalty" toward Israel (feeding into the stereotype that Jews have dual loyalties), removed any specific reference to Jews from a 2017 State Department statement on Holocaust Remembrance Day and has frequently used anti-Semitic dogwhistle terms by opposing "globalists" and describing himself as a "nationalist." When I interviewed Charlotte Pence, the daughter of former Vice President Mike Pence, she talked about her family's love of Israel but refused to answer a question about whether she believes Jews are going to hell — or discuss the creepy messianic theories underpinning the Christian right's support for Israel.

When I asked Larry Charles whether, based on his experiences, there's an opportunity to build bridges with anti-Semites, he was skeptical. "I have not seen a lot of opportunities for bridge building in the situations that I've been in," Charles explained. "The people that I've met through Sacha [Baron Cohen] were very rigid and dogmatic in their prejudices. There was no crossing that gulf with them. There might be tolerance, temporarily. There might be patience, temporarily. But there's no changing that belief."

I hope that Charles is wrong but suspect he is right, which raises the question of how American Jews should react to the Marjorie Taylor Greenes of the world. For want of a better alternative, I think the only solution is to be intolerant toward intolerance. House Democrats were right to strip Greene of her committee assignments, but that is not nearly enough. Social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter need to do more to limit hate speech, even if conservatives cry foul in bad faith (the First Amendment only protects people from government censorship, not consequences from private corporations). Right-wing politicians who attack prominent Jews in ways that can be plausibly construed as anti-Semitic, or by denouncing "globalists," need to lose their funding. People who oppose anti-Semitism must lead boycotts against right-wing media figures who cover for people like Greene, such as Fox News' Sean Hannity.

On a broader level, critics of anti-Semitism must recognize that this form of bigotry is part of America's long history of hate — a history which holds that only white, straight Christian "manly" men have a right to rule — and recognize our responsibility to be allies to African Americans and the Latinx community, Muslims and the LGBT community, women suffering under the patriarchy and the poor struggling to make ends meet. If we limit our empathy merely to other Jews, the implicit message is not that systemic oppression is wrong, but only that we happen to dislike it when our group is targeted. The Jewish tradition at its best instills a moral responsibility to see all the layers of oppression, and align ourselves with its victims.

[Read Matthew Rozsa’s full piece in Salon]

#marjorie taylor greene #antisemitism #american antisemitism

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tungstenb · 3 years ago

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20 Callbacks You May Have Missed in SAtS Chapter 20

I've mentioned before that I wrote SAtS completely out of order---while my outline was solid and I never did stray from it (besides some last-minute restructuring of my odd chapters), I navigate writing 100% by intuition, as if I'm cutting out and coloring individual puzzle pieces only to find that they do, in fact, miraculously fit together once I lay them all out. That being said, 20 is teeming with callbacks not because I'm some genius of planning, but because it was the first chapter of SAtS that I'd drafted.

Chapter 20, as you probably caught, contains SAtS's central premise---or at least an unreliably narrated version of it.

I know I don't have the kudos to justify making posts analyzing all the BS effort I put into writing, but I do have a small handful of readers who (correctly) treat SAtS like a novel rather than a fanfic, and I wanted to draw attention to things fans may have missed. These are just off the top of my head; there are far more references I’ve forgotten, for sure.

Long and self-indulgent. You've been warned.

(1) Describing Liara's med-bay "quarters"

The opening paragraphs are in reference to the headcanon I introduced in Chapter 4 (that eidetic memory is common in asari) as well as the later details I added regarding their biotic field sixth sense (you can't manipulate the mass around you if you can't somehow sense/feel/map it innately).

Specifically, the snack wrappers are a callback to "NutriBrick, Made With Real Peanuts!" from Chapter 4; the color-swirl glass teacups are the same ones she purchased in Chapter 6; and the whining ventilation duct is mentioned... many times in previous chapters.

(2) Failing at meditation

Most of SAtS's plot occurs within Liara's head, and this chapter is no exception. In the earlier even chapters, Liara uses mind-partitioning/meditation as a tool to distract herself from her real trauma: the incident on Therum, the fate of the Protheans, her mother's death, and, you know, Reapers. Her obsession with Shepard as an artifact/romantic interest is very convenient, even though it backfires catastrophically, and I've spared no effort lampshading this in SAtS. If she spent as much time thinking about the fate of the galaxy (incomprehensible terror) as she did thinking about Shepard (hahaha, silly crush), she'd cook her mind.

(3) Door knocks

I'm not going to go back and try to find every example of Liara waxing poetic about something as mundane as Shepard knocking on the med-bay door. They're there; you can find them; but here's a single example, one that tickles me because of the nested parentheses.

Chapter 18:

After meditation and tea, her afternoon likewise progressed without incident or interruption, though that, while not unusual in itself, was not was she'd hoped for: she'd long since grown accustomed to answering a daily knock at her door. (And not only were both Dr. Chakwas's and Shepard's knocks wholly distinct, like two different percussive languages, but Liara'd learned to tell even their approaching footsteps apart, so there was never any question who she'd greet.) Approximately 60 percent of her days saw Shepard stop by between lunch and dinner. And even on those days, she occasionally visited again later in the evening (with information to share or a specific question to ask, but always a nonurgent correspondence that could've been handled easily via messaging, nonetheless [How did I ever perceive this as insignificant... Liara thought, with mild bashful self-admonishment. She really was going out of her way to spend time with me]).

Chapter 20, with role-reversal becoming a theme:

It was 2314, and for the first time since coming aboard, Liara decided she would knock on Shepard's door.

(4) P-Shep's body language

One of the first things Liara notices upon entering P-Shep's quarters is her body language: slumped, distracted, perhaps nervous. Chapter 20:

Shepard, in a gray T-shirt and boxer shorts, sat slouched over her desk, eyes closed, mouthing silent words. She opened her eyes, resumed typing---likely whatever she'd just spoken to herself---but gave no indication of acknowledging Liara's presence. There was something unfamiliar about the set of her shoulders, the slight sullen tilt of her head, the shadowy gaunt of her features in the orange glow of her terminal; something unusual about the room's thick buzzing tension squeezed the air from Liara's lungs. Lingering by the door, she stood frozen in place, trapped breathless and mute by a coil of anxiety and fresh waves of shame. Whatever anger had emboldened her earlier dissolved, dissipating uselessly.

She opened her mouth to speak but found no words.

Shepard stopped typing and closed her eyes again, exhaling heavily.

Liara tried her words once more.

"Is this a bad time?" she managed, just above a whisper.

Shepard leaned forward and rested her cheek in one hand, elbow on the table. Kneading her brow, she turned a half-obscured face toward Liara.

"No... no. No. It's fine," she said, shifting to rub her eyes with both hands. Dropping her palms with a clap to her bare knees, she met Liara's gaze directly only to look back down a second later. "I---I'll make tea."

This is a reversal of the interaction in Chapter 14, when Shepard checks in with Liara after Noveria:

Behind her, Shepard took a slow, deep breath in, then exhaled. "I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now," she said, voice low and oddly wooden. "And I realize I'm probably the last person you want standing here, so if you want me to leave, please tell me as much, and I will."

Liara's jaw tensed as she balled her fists in her lap. There was a correct course of action here and she didn't, in her current state, trust herself to follow it. What she wanted, what she needed, what she knew was proper to expect or to ask, all stood in conflict with one another, trapping her in paralyzing indecision. Every muscle held in calculated rigidity. Her breathing tight and shallow. Her emotions---emptiness, yearning, anticipation, despair---nearly bursting from her chest.

She knew how Shepard would interpret inaction in this case. Knew if she remained frozen as she was, Shepard would take the hint and leave. What would she regret more? Telling her to leave, indirectly or not, when the thing she wanted most was for her to be here with her? Or forcing her to stay and having to deal with the guilt, the repercussions of overstepping and asking too much?

Where was her strict compartmentalization now? The strength she'd developed by Shepard's example? The independence her mother had instilled in her?

Liara leaned her weight into her arms, hands pressed into her knees, and hung her head. Without turning an eye toward Shepard she rose from her seat, flipped the switch to turn on her desk lamp, then activated her tea kettle before taking the few sulking, heavy steps to her cot, where she sat down with her back to the wall and tucked her legs up to her chest.

(5) "Look at me."

(This entry should be the last if we're going by each lines' appearance in 20, but I wanted to end on something a bit more significant so I've moved this entry up.)

In 20, Liara says this:

"Shepard. Shepard, look at me." Liara gave her arms a squeeze, then another, until she complied. "You know I'd do anything for you."

P-Shep uses "Liara, look at me" several times in earlier even chapters, as Liara has a tendency to avoid eye contact. The first instance is in Chatper 2!

Again, yet another example of the role-reversal.

(6) Legal stimulants (even though it’s herbal “tea” in 20)

I jokingly refer to SAtS as "character development through tea," mostly because P-Shep's interactions with it are fairly revealing and hint at deeper plot elements (it should be obvious by this point in the flashback chapters that Peesh is hiding her biotic status from Liara). Eezo contaminants or not, the tea in Chapter 20 is another aspect of the role reversal I'd planned. Presumably Shepard went and purchased the same fancy tea kettle model that Liara purchases in Tayseri Ward (Chapter 6).

Chapter 20:

Eleven days. Liara'd originally written off the observation as a mistake, having noted the tea kettle box when she stood here that day, eleven days ago---because as far as she knew, and had known, Shepard only ever drank coffee. So but standing here now, with the water temperature rising and Shepard's fingertips drumming dap-dap-dap-dap-dap, Liara's chest grew tight, her head swam, her heart leapt with surging emotional pangs, sudden and almost physically incapacitating. Shepard, Liara realized, had either purchased tea supplies for herself---had either taken a genuine liking to tea via Liara's influence, or was attempting to acquire a taste-or expected Liara to visit her, here, real or imagined impropriety aside.

Which leads us to...

(7) Eleven Days

The vignette structure of Chapter 18 is set up like a daily journal, where Liara notes each day that Peesh avoids her, from Day 1 to Day 11.

Discussion of Peesh's emotional abuse in Chapter 19:

"That, young Dr. T'Soni, is a very... dangerous... mindset. I am... I am unsure what to say, other than frankly I'm appalled on your behalf." [V'Leera] laughed disdainfully. "And to question your judgment if she was like this from the start."

Liara puffed air out her nose. "No, no she was not. Her first transgression... she went and moped in her room for eleven days without talking to me, and I, at the time, thought that was awful."

"A test?" questioned V'Leera. She flicked the rock she held, and it drifted slowly down and settled on the surface of the water, floating there, tapping against the boulder's side.

Chapter 20:

Of all the things it could have been, the emotions boiling just shy of making her flare her biotics were not due to something that made sense:

It had been eleven days since Shepard had last knocked on her door, and Liara was on the verge of a fit.

(8) Model ships and mint tea

This is just to showcase some of the more atmospheric stuff I've written. Goes to show that the moment portrayed in 20 was fairly significant for her.

Chapter 17:

"And now I lie here," Liara went on, raising her head to view the room, "and it's as if I cannot make sense of what happened. Attempting to keep her alive in ways I knew would destroy me; wondering from whom this originated: I do not understand who I am either with or without her." Her voice became small. "I feel lonesome without her. Our child is gone. But... but Petra is here, she's still here in the wisps of memories that surface when my eyes linger on, say, that model of the Destiny Ascension..." She pointed to the model-ship display case so Tali could follow her gaze. "I remember it like it was yesterday, when I first stepped into her quarters on the SR-1... it was the first model I'd witnessed her build. The flagship of my people. She later finished it, then promptly moved on to constructing a relay. When I visited her next, eleven days later... her fingers stained with metallic-toned paint, the scattered pieces of the relay strewn about the table, the taste of the mint tea she'd made for me lingering on my tongue and the heaviness trapped within me just waiting to burst forth... that's when I realized we were inseparable. That we were both meant to be." Liara paused, returning her head to the bed after one last long look at the scale-model ships. The mock-eezo gleamed. Tali's boots tapped absent nonrhythms on the floor.

Chapter 20:

Liara stepped slowly toward the table as if navigating difficult terrain, choosing a seat offering tabletop space unlittered with relay flotsam. She shifted, fidgeted, rubbed at her crest, then, with nervous hesitation, reached out to examine the scale-model relay's core. The substantially weighted clear marble, solid and polished to high gloss, fluoresced in the light as she turned it in her fingers, its thready internal glasswork strands of inert mock-eezo finessed into a mesmerizing glowing burst. Shepard coughed quietly. Liara froze and glanced furtively but found Shepard fully turned away, not staring with reproach. She set the core back down regardless; it rolled to contact one side of its corral of unassembled gyroscope pieces, the table unbalanced. The tea kettle clicked as the heating cycle finished, and Liara squeezed her eyes shut against another wave of guilt incoming.

[...]

Liara studied the color of the tea in the drab ceramic mug, if only to delay. She took a breath to speak, turned the mug by its handle, looked up. Shepard's eyes were sunken and tired and heavy lidded, darkened with purplish circles, and Liara had to close her mouth on her thought. She watched curls of steam rise from the tea's amber surface. Each rapid heartbeat thumped, powerfully pronounced, rippling through her extremities as she sought a sense of calm from the cooling warmth of aromatic mint. She rubbed uneasily at a scuff on the tabletop. Still she found her eyes wandering, lingering instead on Shepard's hands, her skin stained with silver-gray paint, her fingernails bitten to the point of bleeding.

As above. Chapter 20 has some of my favorite prose, which, incidentally, seems to be the type of prose people in fan spaces LOVE to roast.

***(9) "Girl, no."***

Chapter 20:

Had Liara known her for anything other than candor and levelheadedness, transparency and capability, perhaps the embers of her frustration wouldn't have been so readily rekindled. But Shepard's obvious deflection and obfuscation, her speech laced with bitterness despite sounding otherwise bland and unforthcoming, was altogether vexing. Liara readied herself as she waited for Shepard to speak, determined to crack her uncharacteristic facade. And Shepard owed it to her: a full, honest answer. If Liara was at fault---despite this flimsy initial insistence that she wasn't---it was imperative she knew what cultural or interpersonal misstep she had committed, egregious or not, to have warranted such avoidance. Even if it meant a simple apology for the hurt and concern Shepard had caused her would be an afterthought.

Unreliable narration: see Shep's behavior in any other even chapter. When DollyLlama read this, she yelled "Liara, girl, no, literally the opposite!!" at me and she is Right.

***(10) Self-sabotage***

Liara slowly begins to accept, in the odd chapters, that her relationship with Peesh was unhealthy. Part of this involves Liara reflecting on Peesh's harmful coping mechanisms during their time together. (In the even chapters, she fails to recognize the red flags---or is convinced she can somehow "fix" Peesh.)

Chapter 11:

But there was a terrifying side to [Shepard], a selflessness that verged into reckless sacrifice, the overlap with her lingering death wish a frightening reality paired with her tendency to charge---often literally---into danger, without hesitation and with no regard to her own continued well-being or for the sanity of the people who loved and cared about her. It was as if she lived for the responsibility that had befallen her, but at the same time, wished to be free of it.

(Also discussed in Chapter 19; see point (15) below.)

Chapter 20:

"Do you really want to know why I was avoiding you?" she said, voice gentle but tinged with hesitancy.

Liara sniffed. "I think I already have an idea."

Sighing again, Shepard sank, her gaze shadowy and her tone low and blunt. "You're probably thinking I'm afraid of commitment, or afraid of my own feelings, or set on an inevitable course of self-sabotage like some sort of fuck-up, and yeah, you probably thought right."

See quote for (17), which fits here too.

Liara please... listen to her, she's not self-flagellating without cause. She's being honest, and that should scare you.

***(11) Fairness***

Shepard mentions several times an aspect of "unfairness" (read: power imbalance) to the relationship; she's right and she should say it. The only appropriate thing ANY Shepard can do in ME1 is turn Liara down. I've discussed this in much more detail here.

Chapter 16:

"Could've been catastrophic had I misread. But either way," [Shepard] added, shrugging. "Wouldn't've been fair."

"To me?"

Shepard smiled without mirth.

Chapter 20:

Shepard inhaled sharply through her teeth. "Liara, I know you've come to think that you know me, but I assure you that's not the case."

"I'm getting to know you." Liara gave Shepard's hand a gentle shake of reassurance and forced a smile. "I know our time may be limited, but I'd like to continue to do so, if... if that is something you want, still."

"I do," Shepard said emphatically, but as if it pained her. "But I keep asking myself if that's fair to you."

The boss/employee dynamic is already sketchy, but everything we know about Liara in-game adds to the relationship’s unfairness.

(12) Saren strangles Shep on Virmire

I really have no reason to include these excerpts other than the fact that the paragraph ending in "carotid" is one of my favorite paragraphs/transitions in all of SAtS. I was laughing my ass off when I wrote it.

Chapter 18:

[Liara] bit her lip; whatever she'd eaten last wasn't sitting right, and her ankle was sore, and the room was cold, and Shepard's voice was flat as she addressed them all. But Liara couldn't look at her. Could only silently analyze the way she said "deeply saddened" and "thankful for her sacrifice" in the practiced manner of someone who felt nothing, or had stood in front of a mirror repeating a heartfelt speech until its meaning sloughed off, the only thing remaining the words' bare sounds themselves. But her conversational stutters, her false starts, indicated to Liara that wasn't the case; she was speaking extemporaneously, standing there in the comm room's center, shifting her weight, cracking her knuckles, occasionally letting a hand drift to the raw red smear on her neck from when Saren had strangled her. Her voice wasn't laden with excess sadness, and she held herself proudly, if with mannerisms suggesting hidden tetchiness.

Chapter 20:

Shepard shrank away and didn't say anything, rubbing the back of her neck. The bruises from when Saren had strangled her were now dark purple, not yet progressed to yellowish green---that would take a bit longer, several more days for her body to break down her blood's red cells and reuse the hemoglobin. Her pulse was visible as Liara stared. Unbidden, her mind supplied a word Dr. Chakwas'd taught her: carotid.

***(13) "Purpose" (i.e. oh big yikes holy shit)***

From Chapter 14:

"I wish I had the words to make some sort of difference," she continued, voice level but almost brittle. "And I wish I could say something that would make things right but I can't. I know I can't. Honestly I---I don't understand how you can stand me to be here, I... I didn't think you'd want me to be. But I'm here for you, I'm here because I can tell right now you need someone I just..." She swallowed. Tightened her arms as Liara shook again. "Why it's me, I don't get that. I'm not... I'm not good at this."

Liara tried and failed to inhale deeply through her sobs, not yet prepared to speak, though her thoughts were desperate and incredulous: Really? "Why you"?

She shifted, squeezing her eyes shut as her face stuck to Shepard's shirt soggy with tears and unfortunate snot. And as she she sniffled, as she clutched at the bunches of fabric growing hot in her clammy hands, as she pressed into her chest, trying to find any additional means of closeness, she breathed into her, wondering what soap or cologne lent her that fragrance, fresh and warm and somehow familiar even though it was a scent she could not place.

Because you've always been there for me? Because you're the only one I could go to?

It wasn't strictly true. She could have sought out Dr. Chakwas or even Tali---but she had not.

It hadn't even crossed her mind.

Also 14:

"Because my purpose is here," Liara said, before she could stop herself.

It would be difficult for Shepard to argue whether staying was purposeful. Still, Liara shuddered, hiding it with an overenthusiastic sniffle, startled when her mind added, or amended, or specified, Because you are here.

Chapter 20:

"I should not have to remind you I am my own person," Liara said, "and thus can make my own informed decisions. And I am only stronger because of what you've given to me, what you've taught me, on this journey. Let me provide for you personally. I want to."

"See, that's... that's what I'm talking about." Her sardonic laugh, then, sounded almost like a whine. "I can't be your purpose."

...implying that P-Shep knew, all along, about Liara's unhealthy level of attachment.

The Chapter 14 quote is an example of my erring on the side of overexplaining; I recognize that casual readers make up the majority of any fanfiction's audience and won't catch subtler themes. (I hate spoon-feeding, but it is what it is.) Careful readers will recognize at this point that "my purpose is here" has a troubling dual meaning, as it refers both to Liara's occupation on the Normandy and her obsession with Shep (as artifact, as love interest): in many ways, as I've illustrated, they're one and the same, which is much of the impetus for Liara's psychological downfall.

***(14) Liara is uncertain about who Shepard really is***

Chapter 8:

Two weeks of casual chats had solidified the concept in her mind that the person Shepard was when she tapped on the door of the med storage room was a different version of herself than she presented elsewhere. Even now, as she idly flattened her hair with her free hand, face set in blank and placid stoicism, it was as if she were saying something in her silence, eyes offering the depths of some inexplicable and indescribable nonverbal connection.

Chapter 10:

Back behind closed doors, [Shepard] showed Liara a striking gentleness, almost at odds with her behavior in public and her intensity in combat. But while she could be tender, her vulnerability was deceiving, superficial---an inherent dichotomy, she was honest yet reserved, like an open book with lines redacted.

Chapter 20:

"You are not a different person behind closed doors," Liara asserted. Shepard looked distant, compact, unstable---something within her threatening to buckle as Liara spoke. "I don't see you any differently just because you've let your guard down."

Which is it, Liara? When did your opinion switch? Are you sure you're sure about this?

***(15) Avoidant personalities in relationships with asari == problems***

Chapter 14:

They both drank their tea in a silence that stretched on uncomfortably, until at length, Shepard spoke up again.

"I'm sorry things turned out the way they did," she said, voice heavy with remorse, obviously fumbling in her attempts to break the silence. "I..."

She didn't continue her thought. There was a distinct uncertainty in her voice, an odd, thin quality like it was just on the verge of cracking. Liara glanced aside, tried to study her face, held eye contact as if she could glean the thought and emotion behind Shepard's limited ability to articulate. She found no indication she was anywhere near tears, her expression measured and unreadable, her gaze unwavering and presence solid.

It would be a huge breach of trust to try to reach for her mind. Between asari it may have been different, when a friend or family member would be implicitly expected to initiate a shallow meld in this instance. A gesture of familiarity, an attempt to understand and heal and facilitate communication when the other party was obviously struggling. But even if Shepard were asari, had their friendship crossed the necessary threshold of closeness? Would Shepard be willing to subject herself to that level of vulnerability?

Why even bother with such abstractions?

Chapter 16:

"Between asari," Liara began, "melding is simply another means of communication. Even before we are born, our mothers reach for us. And as we grow, we use this ability to greet loved ones, to communicate emotion, to exchange information. It is only natural for us to reach for one another, but as you are human..." She paused. "I wanted you to know I would never do that intentionally, not without your permission."

Shepard studied her for a moment. "You said 'intentionally.' Is that for a reason?"

"Yes. Sometimes when... when two have joined, and joined deeply, harmoniously, their minds may spill into one another's in sleep. One may reach for another unconsciously."

Shepard said nothing, eyes fixed on her---but she seemed to stare not at Liara but somewhere distant, as if staring through her, lost in thought. Liara stopped herself from (physically) reaching out by forming a first beneath her chin.

"Does that startle you?" she said, voice small.

While serene, Shepard's expression still suggested her mind was adrift. "Not at all."

"Perhaps I am speaking rashly." Liara chuckled, half-embarrassed. "I do not believe it is a reasonable concern. Reaching such subconscious synchronization, such familiarity, takes time and frequent joining. Even for many asari–asari couples."

Shepard blinked a few times, and her eyes lost their glaze.

"True joining," Liara clarified, "when two become one." She enunciated clearly, poetically, authoritatively. "Swept up in one another---a single rapturous whole."

That got a smirk out of Shepard, who then too started chuckling.

Liara felt silly. "Shepard. What?"

It took a few attempts for Shepard to manage her response: "No secrets in the bone zone."

Chapter 19:

The scattered cups of peeled fruit skin Liara'd tossed into the pond drifted away like aimless boats. In her cheek, a small collection of seeds rattled woodenly against her teeth. From the day she'd been picked up from the Mars Archives to the first time Shepard had let her mental guard down and allowed Liara to meld with her was nearly two months. Sex without joining was intense but unfulfilling. For too long Liara only found Shepard's mind through nightmares; forced melding while she was awake left both of them emotionally nauseated and Shepard even more aloof and on-edge.

The seeds in her mouth reminded her of when Shepard would choke down mouthfuls of pills, dry. She used to say a bruised esophagus reminded her she was alive. It hurt, much like nonconsensual melding hurt. Like being told "You shouldn't have to carry my pain."

Chapter 20:

"I don't want you ever to think you need to hide from me," Liara said with as much clarity and assertiveness as she could muster. More quietly, and with a squeeze at Shepard's hand, she added, "If we were to join... and I mean truly join..." It would be near-impossible for you to hide, anyway, was the logical conclusion, better left unsaid.

Be careful what you wish for, Liara.

***(16) "Too strong to cry"***

This line appears several times:

Chapter 14:

Bruised and compact, Liara waited. If she peeled her chin from her knee, there would be two matching lilac ovals on her skin from the pressure. If she sipped her tea, it would taste strongly tannic. She wondered how she would react if Shepard cried, spilling a fervent apology---why else would she be here? Maybe Liara wanted to see it if only to feel better about herself, or to prove that the divide between them was smaller than she suspected; they both had blood on their hands. She imagined Shepard was too strong to cry. An apology would only prove she wasn't heartless.

Chapter 19:

"I'm not sure. She was... is?... complex, convoluted in unexpected ways." [...] "I have to admit," she recalled, "that a large part of me was relieved to see her so broken, and that she let that show---because it proved to me she did need me, despite how sincerely I believed she was too strong for that: too strong to feel, too strong to cry, too strong to be... changed by me. But I was wrong. Not a day later... we joined. And soon after that... Sovereign fell."

Liara unhealthily reveres P-Shep's "strength" in the even chapters and ends up using some version of this when her obsession shifts to information/hunting the Shadow Broker in ME2. Also in even-numbered-SAtS, she shows and unhealthy obsession with trying to bridge the gap between herself and Peesh.

Chapter 12:

Reluctantly, she met Shepard's eyes again. The words spilled out before she could stop them. "I did not want to disappoint you," she began, her voice too quiet at first. "I thought I had disappointed you---was certain that I had---and I expected you would come here to make it abundantly clear to me that while my biotics may be strong, I'm too weak-spirited to be using them in this context. I feared what repercussions you would ensure I faced."

The truth, or simply what Shepard is expecting to hear?

Liara continued, volume faltering, "I saw your example and I wanted to believe I could find similar strength within myself. But I am not as strong as I wish I could be. I am not like you."

But I am trying.

"Liara, I wouldn't call it---no." Shepard stopped herself mid-thought, huffing, and slipped her hand off Liara's shoulder. "No. I don't know where to start with that." She paused. "But... why would you think I'd be harsh just for the sake of being harsh?"

And what does Peesh do in Chapter 20? Throws a melodramatic hissyfit and cries and Liara eats that shit up. Peesh's emotions are definitely real here, but she's being manipulative about it, and that sucks.

(17) "Petra" / "Nobody calls me that"

Liara only calls Shep "Petra" a small handful of times in SAtS, and each instance is meant to be a bit jarring.

"I'm so sorry," Shepard said threadily. "I let you get too close. You deserve to be out living your life without being dragged down and dragged through hell by someone like me just because you were at the wrong place at the wrong time, and a large part of me always hoped you'd see that and walk away before it's too late---before I hurt you, and I mean really fucking hurt you---"

"Petra---"

The use here, in 20, is what aids in unraveling her. If it seems like both Peesh and Liara are working each other up into a hot mess in this chapter, pushing each other's buttons intentionally, you're 100% correct.

Later:

"Shepard," Liara said, Shepard still facing away from Liara, her posture beginning to sink once again. "Petra," she tried, more confidently.

Shepard stiffened visibly at the use of her given name, seeming to fight a frown and a ratcheting jaw, but after that fleeting discomfiture her expression softened and only plead exhaustion, her eyes all dark circles and shadows and her complexion gray.

***(18) U N D O***

From Chapter 12:

"I think you do," [Shepard] said simply. Not as an admonishment---the compassion was clear in her voice. "You can't just pretend things aren't bothering you day after day, because it'll get to a point where you just can't take it anymore, and you'll come undone."

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, PEESH:

Chapter 20:

"You mean a great deal to me, Liara. More than anyone ever has before. I'm just not the same since I met you, and it scares me how much I care---how different everything feels---and it scares me how many times these past few days I was barely holding it together because when you're around, I can't always be strong. [...] And as much as I could tell you needed me I couldn't risk facing you, because I knew this would happen, that you'd come to me for support and it would just be too much for me to hide the fact that y--- [...] [t]hat you undo me."

"You undo me" is the seed from which SAtS grew. Okay, cheez whiz.

***(19) Like Water, Like Stone***

You could really play the "spot the symbolism" game anywhere in SAtS, but I'd planned from the start for the water/stone duality to thematically crystalize in Chapter 20.

From 20:

All that Shepard'd been through, the strength she'd shown in the face of incomprehensible, ineffable terror, and it was Liara's softness, her persistence, that fractured something within her. And the longer Liara examined her, the more she grew to suspect---with disbelief, but understanding---that this wasn't a surface imperfection: the fault originated somewhere deep. And perhaps it was her doing, perhaps it was a preexisting instability---quiescent until she'd somehow, inadvertently, reached Shepard's core---that was only just now surfacing: her sudden, unexpected breakdown evidence of cumulative failure. And if Liara came at her, gently but inexorably, maybe it was inevitable that she'd wear Shepard down like this. Seeing her crumble here before her, however, was too much to process. Her fingers hurt in Shepard's vice-like grip, but it was background noise to the pain of seeing her so vulnerable.

Later, 20:

Shepard gave no response, her breaths against Liara's chest rapid and shaky as she reciprocated the embrace with increased fervor, squeezing so tightly it was uncomfortable; but it was in this intensity---this sorrowful desperation and neediness Shepard wouldn't admit in words---that Liara found not only sore ribs and difficulty breathing, but hope: proof that the impossible idea she'd long since tried to expunge from her mind was indeed true, that somehow, some part of Shepard needed her as much as she did, even if just a broken fragment.

Liara's heart raced and she knew Shepard could hear it. And despite the tears slipping down her cheeks and dampening the hair beneath her chin, Liara stood strong, rubbing Shepard's back, pretending to be solid and sure and in control. And as Shepard trembled with barely restrained sobs, as Liara sniffed and hugged her tighter, the closeness was a relief, the opportunity to hold her and help her an exhilaration and a catharsis that only a joining of their minds could transcend. Because despite all Shepard's attempts to drive her away, to say whatever she could about a troubled self and past as if it would prove herself unworthy of love, now more than ever Liara yearned to take her consciousness within her own, flow around her, inundate her entire being and fill the spaces where she was cracked and broken. When the time was right she would. Right now, this was enough.

I can have a little cheese... as a treat.

SAtS as a whole is absolutely chock-full of water/stone imagery and symbolism, and I'm astounded that no one has said anything about it. It's not subtle. Like at all.

***(20) A final note on Shepard's breakdown***

In chapter 18, both Tali and Chakwas approach Liara's confusion re: Shepard's avoidant behavior with a sort of blase attitude. This represents an important snap back to reality for Liara: to admit that her obsession with Shep has spiraled this deep would be to reveal she has far more important trauma she's not addressing. And it also means neither Tali nor Chakwas are aware of what Peesh is hiding, making the fact that Peesh essentially throws a temper tantrum in front of Liara significant.

"You're the only person I could even imagine breaking down like this in front of," is the idea.

Did she do it on purpose? Yeah, she did. The emotions behind it were real, but she ultimately weaponized them. If Peesh's goal was to bring Liara closer to her, she got exactly what she wanted; what are Paragon Sheps but masters of emotional manipulation?

Renegade!Peesh is just Dennis from IASiP.

Thanks for reading, if anyone even read this mess. Again, I know I don't have the stature to make posts like this, but I wanted to draw attention to all the detail and planning that went into SAtS. It's truly been a labor of love.

Bonus: Liara misquoting English idioms (lost in translation)

This isn't really a 20-specific thing, but I wanted to include these because they tickle me.

Chapter 19 (the last straw):

Liara snapped her fingers as she gathered her thoughts, words crowding in her mouth. "I should preface this with... I never feared that she didn't care about me or didn't love me. But I know some self-punishing part of her, deep down, felt she didn't deserve what we had, or she was somehow a burden, or that she'd single-handedly ruined my life. Hence she made frequent attempts, over the years that I knew her, to push me away. She was... reckless. Terrifying, in her self-destructiveness. But I came back to her. I thought, what if my rejection is, as they say, the last reed?" She stopped, rocking on her heels. The boulder was still warm from the day. "So I came back. Chose her, repeatedly, as you said. Sometimes I wonder if not only her obvious displays of self-harm, but her every word said to me became a tool in her arsenal to pull me back to her."

Chapter 20 (cold shoulder):

Shepard leaned more of her weight into the tabletop, causing the Destiny Ascension to sway and the relay's marble core to rattle against its gyroscope enclosure. Liara diverted her attention from the decaying oscillations. Said, "Were you truly hoping that I would simply walk away if you turned a chilly shoulder for a few days? That I wouldn't at least be curious as to why your pattern of behavior so abruptly changed, especially for what I believed at the time to be a direct result of an action I took?"

#SAtS #LWLS #ch20 #you undo memes

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belphegor1982 · 3 years ago

Text

A fanfic writer interview

(got tagged by @ricochetoconnell - and then, while I was answering it, @tinydooms :D Thank you ^^) Cut because it got long!

Tagging @kabbal, @thisstableground, @rose-of-pollux, @marcvsjvnivsbrvtvs and @gorogues :o)

Name: I go by Belphegor on the internets and Pantxika (pan-chee-kah) irl.

Fandoms: Lots :3 I’ve been active online since 2000, I went through quite a few fandoms, some of which I still like from afar and some of which I still create or just enjoy content for. The ones that were the most influential to me were probably Harry Potter, The Mummy 1 & 2, The Lord of the Rings, and Hogan’s Heroes.

Two-shot: I looked it up because I didn’t understand the question? And then I only found “a story written in two chapters” as a definition and I still don’t really understand what I’m supposed to say here? :S I have exactly one two-shot, which is The Many Merry Majorly Mangled Demises of Major Wolfgang Hochstetter, which is a bit long to explain if you don’t know the premise of Hogan’s Heroes (a bunch of Allied prisoners of war are running a resistance operation from a genuine German POW camp - and it’s a 1960s sitcom).

Most popular multichapter: On AO3, Fairy Tales and Hokum (The Mummy Returns sequel, kinda), if only because that’s one of the only 4 stories out of 50 that has more than one chapter :D On FFnet, it comes second to Snapshot Collection, a collection of snippets and snapshots about the Justice League (Unlimited) 2000s cartoon.

Actual worst part of writing: Writing when the juices just won’t flow. And then feeling guilty because you feel the words are just there but you’re not actually writing.

How you choose your titles: Song titles, mostly. Since for the last couple of years I’ve mostly written stories set in the UK between the 1910s and the 1930s, finding a song with a title that fits is not as hard as it is in other fandoms.

Do you outline: One-shots, no, multi-chapters yes. I started Pirouette then Pas de Deux without any outline at all, but for the 3rd story I needed an outline.

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: I have a two-page WIP about Sam Vimes (Discworld) waking up in the Waiting Room wherever the present-day parts of Quantum Leap happen. Basically I wanted Sam (Beckett) to Leap into Sam Vimes and Vimes and Al Calavicci to work together to figure out what needed to be fixed - while Sam Beckett dealt with things like magic, dwarfs and trolls and the sheer chaos of Anck-Morpork. I’ll probably never get past those two pages, but it would be nice, wouldn’t it? :o)

Callouts @ me: Would you just bloody make shorter sentences!? And ease up on the hyphens and parentheses!!?

Best writing traits: Dialogue, I guess? I just love character interaction, and dialogue is the best thing because you can also hint at what the words don’t actually say 💜 Oh, and research, probably. I have this complex where if I don’t include setting-accurate details I’m afraid people won’t find the story credible.

Spicy tangential opinion: Eh. It’s too hot here and I’m too knackered by heat and first day of period to have opinions. Sorry :-/

#sometimes I write

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missdawnandherdusk · 4 years ago

Note

I adore your work 😍🤧 It's my go to for whenever I'm having a rough day. I was wondering if you could read some of my Draco works and give me your feedback on it?? It's no where near your level of amazing, and I'd love some criticism from a wonderful writer 🤗🤗

Oh my goodness you are too sweet!!

And I’d love to read some of your work!! I’m always looking for a new perspective or how other people see that characters and how they would handle certain situations!!

And I’ve been lurking on your page and can I say that I adore your Headcanons about Draco and painting!! It’s absolutely marvelous and I love the idea!!

As for writing advice I have a few blanket statements/pointers for anyone!

Never delete anything! If you don’t like how a scene played out cut it from your work and paste it in a different document! I have so many blurbs and ideas from so many different fandoms in my notes that when I want to use a certain line or recreate a feeling I look and see how I did it then and use the same scenes morphing it into what I need!

Break the concept of your plot. Rearrange things all the time! Think of how it would work if you moved some things around? Does he need to go there right then? Does she need to say that right now? If the answer is no don’t be afraid to reorder events and details (just go back and make sure everything flows) ((I learned this from acedemic writing and it applies there too! Does your essay need to be in that order? Is there a more convincing order you can change it into? Break the mold!!))

Music is everything! I have so many playlists on Spotify. Some are for angst, fluff, some songs I play on repeat until I get the true feeling of the song with my characters spelled out into words. Disney music and Taylor Swift are my constant go tos! Find your go to music and watch the music weave around the characters! Who would sing it? Who needs to hear it? Can you use lines from the song? (Just remember to make things not rhyme) ((I’m have synesthesia so this is a bit more useful to me as well))

If you like how a book does something or it makes an impression on you, use it!! There is NOTHING new under the sun so don’t be afraid to repurpose ideas! You guys have no idea how many plot points/excerpts I steal from Twilight and repurpose into my stories. If you’re afraid of plagiarizing there’s a good acedemic rule of thumb: four words and no more. Which leads me to my next point...

Use freaking synonyms!! Words get full after repeated use so right click, and scroll through some synonyms until you find one that fits as well. It also helps with cadence—the rhythm or flow of words. It’s not poetry no, but some words just don’t fit into the cadence of a sentence so mix it up, broaden your vocabulary!

Avoid “was” it’s a repetitive word and I’m guilty of using it a lot. There’s one time you can use it and it’s in the passive voice “she was being chased by zombies” and normally teachers/professors want you to avoid the passive voice but in fiction it’s sometimes needed to show emotions or something but don’t let it dictate what you write all the time!

On that note please don’t start every sentence with “I” or “s/he/they” it gets repetitive too. In Latin there’s these things called Ablative clauses and relative clauses. They start with things like “with... by... for... who... which... that...” and really make the words interesting to read then it’s not the same sentence syntax

Also change up your sentence length. Make super long sentences and super short ones and medium ones and mix them up. It goes back to cadence— find the right rhythm

Personal preference here—but I love m-dashes “—” and loathe paranthesis. M-dashes are like an aside in theater and whatever is between them can be taken out but is still relative—maybe a characters reaction or feelings on a topic—and they help the flow of the sentence. Parentheses are like their wimpy cousin and are more for author asides that are off topic—and unless you’re writing an authors note... don’t go off topic.

#ask me literally anything #ask me and i'll tell you #send me things #send me love #writing #writing advice #from an english major #its what i do #i love yall #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x y/n #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x #draco malfoy x oc #harry potter #ravenclaw #slytherin #draco malfoy x y/n

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lonestarbabe · 5 years ago

Note

Please feel free to rant about the parallels between kid!TK and Colt. PLEASE haha I need to hear more thoughts about this...

I love you for encouraging my insanity. I am sorry for my inability to shut up.

The Colt and T.K. moment was really a moment that I found to be expert storytelling. Feel free to ignore parentheses. Stay with me while I get to my answer in a roundabout way.

(911 Lone Star (as well as OG) tend to love plots that intertwine super well with the calls. With all the characters, I think the cohesion in episodes is absolutely perfect. Some work better than others, but overall, it’s a smart move. Some shows lack the ability to tie the secondary plots in with the A ones, which can still be entertaining but doesn’t quite make the episode feel like a solidified unit. They seem to do a great job with the show’s focus by sticking to the theme of the episode as well as the greater themes of the show (sometimes it’s too blatant but when they do it with some nuance, it’s a definite strong suit).

There’s a lot to do with “the sins of the father” in this episode, which is sometimes subverted in interesting ways, but the mistakes and shortcomings of fathers in this episode are often reflected in their children. In a lot of the scenarios, the fathers mess up (and it’s usually not a malicious or even intentional mistake) and the son is left to pick up the pieces, which is not the usual father or son dynamic but one that you often see.

(The whole episode showed father-son dynamics during different stages of life (the first call with the three going on four sons and the uncle on fire applies the least but still focuses on sons), and in a lot of the scenarios, the son was forced to handle a very adult scenario while the dad was helpless. Judd and T.K. are obviously adults but in Judd’s case, his father is growing older and he feels an obligation to look out for his father and in some ways take care of him. With the father and son in the cave, the son, who was less adventurous than his reckless dad, had to step up and be brave so that his dad could be saved. With the father and son with the cars in their noses, we see the typical roles subverted when the father copies the foolish antics of the son rather than the other way around (though there could be the argument that the father passes down his penchant for trouble to his son and whatnot). We see Colt’s dad too rather than his mom, who is struggling to know what to do to help his traumatized son. Colt has shot someone, a very adult action, and he must live with his actions and in certain ways, grow up before he is ready. Then, a more subtle version of this theme, we have Owen and T.K., who contrast all the other father-son duos but also are similar in some ways, but more on this later.)

The ages of T.K. and Colt are the thing that struck me first. Colt was seven and T.K. was seven (turning 8) when 9/11 happened, so that clearly creates an immediate connection because they’ve both faced traumatic events at the time. Seven is also when T.K. says his dad left him. Both children, Colt and Little T.K. had their childhoods shift dramatically at that age. Their entire lives changed, so I think that’s why T.K. immediately worries about the kid when he hears what happens. He has that connection because he knows how such events can wound a child, and he doesn’t want that child to suffer like he did, so he makes an effort to reassure Colt.

The Legos being included is also great. We see T.K. in the flashback playing with a lego firetruck while later, we see him help Colt with the Lego police car. A fire truck represented what T.K. wanted to be when he grew up, but it also represented what he lost, the sacrifices he made, and perhaps helped fill in the gap where his father, his hero, wasn’t. Both Colt and T.K. chose to build the vehicles of those who save lives, and these toys also serve as vehicles to get them through their pain. They play with them for a sense of reassurance and to indulge in things normal children indulge in despite the sudden serious issues they had to face.

Meanwhile, the parallels suggest that Colt might someday decide to be a police officer, and as he hands him lego blocks, T.K. is building that future by giving Colt permission to heal and reassuring the child as best as he can. He’s giving Colt, perhaps, what he wanted at that age but never got. Even at 26, T.K. still struggles in his relationship with his father because he still feels the wounds of his father’s absence and Owen’s inability to listen when T.K. tries to express the pain he had over it. Because of Owen’s own trauma, T.K. was left to play with his legos alone. So, T.K. is essentially doing for Colt what his father couldn’t do for him; T.K. is putting the child’s trauma ahead of his own.

Isolation is an important parallel as well. Colt is playing alone with his toys until T.K. steps into the room. Much like T.K. was left alone with his toys while his parents fought. Colt has quiet surroundings because his turmoil is internal, just like T.K.’s. T.K. is physically wounded, but more weight is given to the emotional distress he felt as a child. Whereas T.K. remained alone the whole time in the flashback, T.K. steps into Colt’s solitude and engages him in conversation, and I think that says a lot because it shows that again, T.K. doesn’t want Colt to feel the way he did.

This all ties in nicely with the identity crisis that T.K. is fighting because he’s unsure whether he wanted to be a firefighter or basically he just wanted to be a firefighter so he could be close to his dad. Even as a kid, he was dressing up and playing with firefighter toys, and his dad was most likely someone he worshipped, so when his dad suddenly became too busy to be around much, T.K. help onto the idea of firefighter even more and simultaneously idolized firefighters while somewhat resenting that Owen chose his firehouse over T.K. So there’s really A LOT there that just fits so well with how a child would think and how confusing it would be.

T.K. tries to assert himself with his dad, but he ends up being told how many firefighters died on that day and made to feel silly for even bringing it up. T.K. is attempting adult conversation while Owen is too blindsided to truly listen. I think this shows where T.K. and Colt’s lives differ. Owen makes a comment on how T.K. would be a great dad after his visit with Colt, which really is just an excellent moment because back when T.K. was in Colt’s position, Owen wasn’t there. He obviously there for T.K. now, but he wasn’t when T.K. most needed a dad. T.K. is an adult now, and while we never outgrow our parents, him not being there altered T.K’s life, and that inner child in T.K. who still wants to get his dad’s attention and make sure his dad sticks around, is still screaming within T.K. T.K. struggles to forge his own identity because he is so wrapped up in those childhood hurts and that want to have his father. He still has those feelings of hero-worship and hurt when it comes to Owen, even if most of the time their relationship is great. It’s hard to undo those wounds. So, I think that’s why he feels so connected to Colt because, even if some of it is projection, T.K. worries that Colt will grow up with the same pain he had.

TLDR: I can’t shut up but basically Colt and T.K. were both traumatized at around the same age, so T.K. sees himself in Colt and doesn’t want Colt to have to go through what he went through.

#el rambles #a mess of words #who in their right mind gave me access to a keyboard #911 lone star #long #Anonymous #Asks #meta

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pandawritespoorly · 5 years ago

Text

With Time: Chapter 11 - OMMAM

Author’s Note: Yay! Updating! Actually, it'll be a double update today! Also, the title is pronounced like "oh ma'am", sounds like "oh man" if you're confused.

Reference slides for Claude's room here!

There are temperatures in this chapter. The show takes place in Paris, so they'll be Celsius, but as an American used to Fahrenheit, I've put the Fahrenheit equivalent in parentheses next to the Celsius.

Chapter Summary: Claude sets his scheme into action. They all check on a sick Marinette.

First | Previous | Next

The bell on the door rings as Claude enters the bakery. Not intending to buy anything, he passes the line and waits patiently for Tom to notice him.

“Hey son! You here for Marinette? She should be in her room, head on back!”

Once in the back, Sabine stops him,”Claude! I wasn’t expecting you. Do you guys have plans today?”

“Oh no, I just was in the area and I thought I should stop by! It’s always great to see a friend!” She didn’t really need to know of his scheme, at least not for now.

“That’s sweet of you dear. While you’re up there, could you ask Marinette if she’s eaten recently? Tom and I didn’t see her at all yesterday, and it looks like she didn’t touch any of the leftovers.” The short woman shakes her head fondly, “Sometimes that girl gets too wrapped up in her projects - forgets that she needs to eat.”

“Will do, ma’am!” Claude hurries up the stairs at his usual excited pace. He should probably let Allan know that Marinette forgot to eat often enough that it was considered a habit of hers. He would certainly be the one to go about correcting that. Not that he and the rest of them weren’t concerned with her health, but Allan is the mom friend for a reason.

Seeing Marinette’s trapdoor he goes over his goals in his head. The main goal is to set her up to be distracted or busy for the rest of the morning. It wouldn’t do to have her try to make plans when he had them all gathered to go over his plotting. It would be nice to get Adrien’s number - preferably without her knowing. Of course, as always, he would aim to see that stunning smile of hers, she didn’t show it off nearly enough.

“Marinette, my magnificent- oh.”

He bursts into her room with his usual loud theatrics, but switches to be quieter impressively quickly. The girl in question is flopped across her bed, clearly dead to the world. Just to be on the safe side, he climbs the ladder, and whispers over to her,”Psst! Mari! How asleep are you?”

His only response is a light shiver, he frowns, finally noticing that Marinette is rather curled in on herself - her blankets kicked to the side - and the trapdoor to the balcony is slightly ajar. Well that just won’t do.

“Tsk, were you out late on your balcony? At the very least you could have shut the door properly. You’ll get yourself sick like this, and what would Allan say then?”

He moves onto the bed to correct her missing blankets. Pulling the trapdoor shut completely - it seems to have an annoying habit of sticking - he goes back down her ladder. Standing in front of her desk, he steals a sticky note and borrows a pen to leave note - he won’t be here when she wakes up:

Marinette!

I stopped by to say hello and I found that you were still asleep. Allan would be happy - he’s rather concerned about your sleeping schedule. He would have been less pleased to find that you were freezing yourself, what with your blankets off to the side and the trapdoor open! Your mom wanted me to remind you to eat, so you should do that! Can’t be our patisserie princess if you’re starving! We’d hate to see you suffer like that! Take care of yourself.

Your friend, Claude! ☺

Seeing her phone nearby, he unlocks it quickly and goes to her contacts. He knows most of his friends passwords, for the sole purpose of spontaneously changing their background and their names in the chats. Occasionally he’ll set reminders for them to take care of themselves if he deems it necessary, but not as often. He would never use it to snoop, and his friends are aware he knows the password - they’ve given the all clear.

In this instance, he has plans that Mari can’t know about. Not that it’s a bad thing, but he thinks it would be best to do it in secret. For this, he needs Adrien. The boy’s name is easy enough to find, with two heart emojis next to it no less.

Claude grins mischievously, another thing to add to his growing list of evidence to fuel his suspicions of Marinette’s true feelings towards the model. He has no issue with it - totally ships the two actually.

He returns to where Marinette left off last on her phone - the group chat actually - and sets it back where he found it.

“Farewell ‘Nettie! Sleep well!” He exits the room with a wave, completely unaware of the blue eyes that were watching him carefully the whole time. The little being smiles after him.

---

Kid Mime: Guys meet me at my house in 30 minutes. This is Claude.

Adrien: Uh, okay. Did Mari give you my number?

Kid Mime: sure

Melodie: Wait, what’s going on?

The Mom Friend: hes plottin agan al’

Felix: Oh wonderful, what is it this time?

Adrien: What’s going on?

Melodie: Don’t question it.

Melodie: Am I right to assume you’re Adrien?

Adrien: Yeah? Did I miss something?

The Mom Friend: jus go with it. hes got good reasons

The Mom Friend: probably

Kid Mime: i do.

Kid Mime: trust me

Kid Mime: its abouut mari

Adrien: Alright. Uh, where do you live? I’m not sure if Father has plans for me today

Kid Mime: felix please

Felix: Fine.

Felix: Adrien, I will be picking you up at your place 20 minutes from now.

Adrien: Okay?

---

Adrien is browsing through the Ladyblog posts of the last month. He’s reviewing all footage of his Lady to see if there was any point he could have seen through her facade. He’s got nothing so far.

A knock at his door.

“Adrien.” It’s Nathalie, “You have a visitor. He says that he is here to pick you up.” Right, Felix is here for Claude’s mystery thing. Adrien pushes back on the floor, flying across the room on his chair. It’d probably be healthy for him to stop obsessing over Ladybug anyways - it’s all he’s done today. He carefully scoops up the sleeping Plagg, putting him in his inner pocket.

“Coming!” He opens the door and sees Felix standing in the entryway, speaking to Father. He hasn’t even been here a minute and Gabriel Agreste is already willing to speak to him. It’s so surprising it’s honestly sad.

Felix, he thinks, teach me your ways.

As he comes closer, the senior Agreste turns to his son, “Adrien. It is pleasing to see you striving to make such promising connections at your age.” Behind him, it almost looks like Felix winks at him, but it’s so uncharacteristic of the boy that Adrien can’t be sure, “Enjoy your time with Mr. Voclain today.”

With that he exits, shutting himself back in his office.

“Will you two be requiring a ride?” Nathalie is at the door, looking at them curiously.

“Uh…”

“No ma’am. I have my own driver.”

“Alright. Adrien, be back before curfew.”

“Yes, Nathalie.”

They walk out together. Felix’s car is much more toned down than Adrien’s normal one, it fits the boy’s taste better, and Adrien wonders if Felix is actually given choices when it comes to his things.

“We may proceed to Claude’s house now, sir.”

The driver nods and they join the other cars on the road.

“So, uh, what exactly is going on?”

“I am not entirely sure.That said, I do have some idea, so allow me to explain. You have not known Claude long enough to be aware of this, but occasionally, Claude gets an idea into his head and will draw us all together to pull it off. There is often a large amount of scheming and sneaking around on his part. Sometimes it is simply a prank or surprise of the sort, but this time I get the distinct feeling that it is more serious than many of the past plots. Considering what little he told us through text, and the fact that Marinette was not present in the chat, it likely has something to do with her.”

“Okay. Should I be worried for her? Like, did Claude find something out...?”

“If it was dire, he would likely call us all to her house and tell us then. Seeing as he is planning, it is not anything to worry too much about.”

“Okay. Um, do you know how he got my number? He wasn’t exactly clear with his answer.”

Felix shook his head, smiling a little, “I have learned that attempting to decipher Claude rarely yields satisfactory results.”

They sit in silence for the remainder of the ride. Adrien is stewing in concern. Marinette has seemed fine lately - she’d seemed like she was doing a lot better actually - but then so had Ladybug. If Claude is concerned, then Adrien will trust his judgement, he spends more time with the girl than the model anyways. He would know if something was wrong. The idea of Marinette upset again hurts him, especially so close with Ladybug revealing her thoughts.

Were the kind pig-tailed girls of Paris just especially prone to emotional distress lately?

“We are here.” Felix breaks him out of his thoughts. Adrien glances up at the building before them. Time to find out what Claude’s got planned.

---

Claude’s room is a blue-gray rectangle with light carpet. He had two large fluffy gray rugs, a window seat what held a mish-mashed variety of pillows and two large green pillows on the floor - one of which Allegra was sitting on. Across from the door was a dresser cluttered with various knick-knacks with a tall mirror and a hamper to the right of it. There was a low shelf with a plant on it containing various books and games. The bunk bed had a giant teddy-bear under the ladder, and the bottom bunk had been converted into a couch of sorts. Claude was standing against the wall near a whiteboard that had various colorful markers on its shelf. Adrien and Felix enter, the latter sitting on the window seat, and after a moment’s hesitation Adrien sat on the bed-turned-couch.

“Alright, you two are here, now we just need-” “Hey.”

“Allan! Yay, now we can get started!” Claude claps his hands together as Allan takes a seat on the other green floor cushion.

“What is it this time?” Allegra leans back on her arms, looking at Claude expectantly, “I’ve got the feeling it’s more serious than filling Felix’s locker with confetti?”

“It is, it’s about Marinette. I know that we all are aware of her issues with confidence-” Adrien frowns at this, hating to hear his everyday-Ladybug described like that. Not that it’s inaccurate, but it’s such a far cry from the confident leader he knew she could be. He can’t help but feel he could have done more. He tunes back in to what Claude is saying, because the least he can do is help bring her back, “But I think we under-estimated just how bad it is. When I went back for my textbook, I told her we enjoyed hanging out with her, and she was legitimately surprised-”

“But she’s so great!” Allegra interrupts incredulously.

“I know! She covered it up quickly - honestly she would do great in acting - but guys it was more than just surprised. She was…” he trails off, looking for the words, “She was like, absolutely astounded - like this was some sort of staggering revelation, but also hopeful? Then that got crushed immediately, even before she covered everything else. What even happened?” Claude intended the question to be rhetorical, but as the others were processing what he said, Adrien sighed.

“A lot. A lot happened.” Everyone’s head snapped to him immediately, having forgotten that he may have answers. He ran his hand through his hair - Father would have a heart attack at his model son’s hair looking so unruly.

“So you do know.” Allegra looks to him in confirmation, “Not that I’m asking what happened - that’s for her - but you do know?”

“Yeah, I do.” His face darkens as he thinks of all the classmates he still has to interact with on a near-daily basis. It drives him crazy, but it’s more bearable than when they were constantly trash-talking his best friend.

“That’s helpful. Even without tellin’ us things, you’ll be able to know how Mari might feel about whatever Claude has planned.” Allan speaks carefully, clearly still thinking things over.

“What is it that you have planned Claude?” Felix draws everyone’s attention back to the other boy.

“I have done some research on the best ways to help-”

“Willing to bet murder wasn’t one of them.” Allegra mutters under breath.

“No, unfortunately not. However! There were other options, aren’t illegal. A lot of it is just being there, so just letting her know we do actually care about her and making an effort to hang out with her.” He sums this up and puts it on the on the whiteboard next to a number one.

“What’s she doin’ right now? Does she think we’re all hangin’ out without her? I don’t wanna’ have her worrying about that.”

“A good point Al. I went over to her house to try and find a way to distract her while we would be doing this-”

“And?”

“And she was sleeping. Shocking I know, but it would seem that she is capable of actually sleeping.” Something about this sticks in Adrien’s mind. He feels like there’s something he’s supposed to remember.

“Good. I’m happy-”

“Allan, before you celebrate our baby bird finally learning to take a break, you should know she was basically freezing herself. Balcony door open and no blankets.”

Allan tosses his arms in the air in exasperation, “Someone needs to teach her the definition of ‘self-care’!”

“I’m with him.”

“We can work that in. Anyways, point two - when she says something bad about herself, we aren’t supposed to just tell her she’s wrong. We’re supposed to find the root of it I guess? Like instead of ‘you aren’t stupid’ we’re supposed say something like, ‘why do you feel that way’ if that makes sense.”

They all nod and he adds a second point to the board.

“This one is a little harder for the non-Adriens among us, but we should be aware of it in case it becomes relevant. We have to make sure she realizes that she’s allowed to feel bad about a bad situation - mostly the one that instigated this I guess? So as I said, she doesn’t talk about it much with us, but…” he adds it to the board next to a 3.

“How much do you guys know?” Adrien doesn’t want to reveal something that Marinette doesn’t want them to know.

Allan shrugs, “Not much really.”

“We just have what we can infer… or theorize - but then we sound nosy, and we really aren’t trying to dig into her personal stuff.” Allegra adds.

“We noticed that she reacted poorly to being asked why she transferred, as well as all the moments when she cuts herself off. It was simple enough to notice a trend. Our best guess is bullying, but we do not actually know anything for sure.”

“Not to mention the-” Claude starts the sentence, but the other three finish with him, “bruises.”

“Yeah, those.” Adrien rubs the back of his neck and messes up his hair more. The rest clearly wish to ask more questions, but realize that any questions may earn more of an answer than they feel they’re allowed to know. They’re worried, but don’t want to go behind Marinette’s back to get answers she hasn’t given them yet.

After a moment, Claude brings them back on topic, “So I think one more little thing is compliments? From what I understand, sincere compliments are better than just standard ones. I think though that these should be in addition to any compliments we normally give her, because if we suddenly started complimenting her less she might think it’s weird and take it badly.”

The others give various affirmations, and Adrien raises his hand. Claude notices and blinks at him momentarily before calling on him, “Adrien. Also, you can shout it out - not going to give you detention.”

“Oh, okay. What qualifies as a ‘sincere compliment’? I sincerely mean anything I say to her.”

Claude gets a mischievous look that the other three recognize, “Adrien, care to elaborate? What kind of compliments?”

“Well, like she’s really pretty and really nice. I used to call her our ‘everyday-Ladybug’ because she just so strong and brave. Not to mention talented. Have you seen some of her designs? Did you know she won one of my father’s contests? She’s such a good leader too, maybe a bit rusty now, but I’m sure that if it came to it she would come up with an amazing plan for really anything. And she got so many people together. She was so good at figuring out which people complimented each other and would work well together and-” he notices them all looking at him strangely, “What?”

“Well,” Allan is smiling at him,”Other than it being nice t’ hear ‘bout Mari before all this, your rambling kinda’ sounded…”

Claude is bouncing on his feet, grinning eagerly, “I knew it.”

“What?”

Allegra looks at him, “Maybe think about it for a moment.” To the rest she shakes her head, adding, “I don’t think he’s even realized.”

“No, it would not seem so.” Even Felix seems to understand what they’re getting at.

“What haven’t I realized?”

“Adrien. You precious sunshine boy.” Claude still looks delighted, “You have a crush on Marinette.”

“What? I don’t have a-” He had a crush on Ladybug, not Marinette. Sure, Marinette was beautiful, with her bluebell eyes, and adorable pigtails, and she had a lot of similar qualities that Ladybug had that had made him like her in the first- oh. “... I have a crush on Marinette.” His face immediately flushes at the realization and all the implications.

“Well that was incredibly pure.” Allegra and the rest seem to have found this entertaining. Adrien is panicking over the fact that he has a crush on two different girls. He’ll have to talk with Plagg later.

“Perhaps we should spare Adrien. Claude, do you have anymore points? You also have yet to inform us what ridiculous name you have thought up this time.” Felix draws everyone’s attention off Adrien. He certainly appreciates it, his face is still slightly red.

“Uh, that’s it for my points, but OMMAM do I have a name for you!” Claude quickly adds point four to the board, “Operation Make Marinette Appreciate Marinette!” He looks to them, waiting to see if it sinks in.

Allan gets it first, smiling slightly, and Adrien gives a thumbs up soon after.

“Oh, come on, seriously?” Allegra rolls her eyes and Felix shakes his head.

“Anyways! November 1st - day one of OMMAM! Here we go!”

Something about that last statement strikes the same bell in Adrien’s head from earlier. Something about November maybe…

“Wait it’s November?” Maybe following it will fill in the blanks?

“Yeah, the spooky month ended yesterday.”

“What temperature is it outside?”

“Just below 4 (39℉). Why?”

Wait. November - cold. Adrien thought back to last year, remembering how Marinette had been oddly tired. He remembered vaguely hearing about a condition, which she had mentioned again over the summer. Claude had said that when he checked on her she’d been sleeping…

“Claude, you said Marinette was sleeping? You checked on her earlier today? Were there any heaters in her room?”

“No… why? Is something wrong? Do we need to go check on her? Her parents are home.”

No heaters and Mari’s room was typically close to the outside temperature. This could be bad.

“They’re catering today, they were only there for a little bit this morning. We should go over there now, just in case.”

All of them are standing now. Allan asks first, “What’s wrong? Should we be worried?”

He doesn’t really know, Alya knew the most and he can’t ask her for obvious reasons. Marinette’s parents’ phones will be silenced, Marinette herself won’t be much help if his hunch is correct.

“Uh… maybe? It’s only November, but we should still go...”

They’re all out the door quickly, heading in the direction of the bakery.

---

By some luck, Adrien has a key. He doesn’t even remember the exact circumstances that led to the Dupain-Chengs giving him it, but this is the first time he’s used it.

“Should we call up? So she knows it’s us?” Allegra asks cautiously.

“I don’t think she’d hear us. She’s probably still asleep.” Adrien leads them up the staircase.

“Really? She doesn’t sleep in a lot and it’s pretty late even if she did.”

“It’s a thing. I don’t really know the details. If we get her up she can probably explain better. I wasn’t really the one she hung out with last year. She gets really tired when it’s cold? I think it’s more than that though.”

“Oh.”

Adrien can see that they’re all stressed and concerned. That’s fair. He would be too if someone suddenly told him that they need to go check on his new friend immediately without a clear reason.

They reach the stairs to Mari’s room and Adrien pushes open the trapdoor. As he expected, the girl is still in bed. The others frown in concern, Adrien climbs up to her shaking her gently. She only hums in response.

“We should probably try to warm up her room.”

“Wait. Does she have a fever?” Allan steps forward and stands near the ladder, “We don’t want to heat her up too much then. Just make it not cold anymore.”

Adrien nods, turning to feel the girl’s forehead, “Probably? She feels hot but I don’t really know.

“Allan can stay with her while you show us where the heaters are.” Allegra suggests.

“Maybe find a thermometer?” Allan is above them now and they nod as Adrien leads them back down into the house.

“Hey ‘Nette, you awake at all?” If she’s been sleeping all day she should wake up to at least drink something.

She hums at him in confirmation. “Alright. Have you eaten today?” She shakes her head slightly, though it’s an odd gesture from someone laying on their side.

He sighs, having figured as much, “What did you eat yesterday?” She vaguely gestures behind him. He sees two energy bar wrappers and an empty plastic water bottle, “... that’s it?” He tosses them over the edge into the trash.

She nods and he sighs, “Mari, that’s not healthy…” She gives him an odd look, her eyes squinting at him. She doesn’t have the energy to elaborate verbally so he just shrugs at her.

The trap door opens and Allegra enters. She has a glass of water and a thermometer.

“I considered soup, but figured it could wait for now. The boys are getting the heaters.” She climbs the ladder carefully and hands Allan the thermometer, putting the water on a flat surface and sitting at the top of the ladder near the end of the bed.

After some negotiations, Allan convinces Marinette to let him take her temperature. A minute later, it beeps. Looking at it he reads,”38.8 (102℉).” He shakes his head at the sleepy girl.

“Hey, Mari, can we convince you to drink something?” Allegra lifts the water glass.

In response she scrunches up her nose and tries to burrow under the blanket, mumbling,” s’eeepp…”

“Marinette you’ve been sleeping for hours. Just drink something for us and we’ll leave you be, okay?”

Marinette’s brain is slow and she’s not quite sure what’s happening. She knows Allan and Allegra are here and they want her to drink water. Maybe? It’s all very confusing. Where is everyone else? Weren’t they here? What is that they wanted? She thought it wasn’t a school day today, so why are they here?

“Wha?” She tries to open her eyes further to get a better idea of ...anything really, but it turns out to be too difficult a task. She can spot a glass of water though, she thinks one of them is holding it. Or it’s floating magically. Water would probably be good, but that means sitting up. Sitting up means moving. A lot. She hears one of them mention the water again. She shakes her head. She hates to disappoint them but sitting up is such a task.

“Marinette, honey, just sit up quick then we’ll leave you be.” Allegra has pulled herself further on the bed as she and Allan continue to negotiate with their dazed friend. The boys have returned with the heaters but haven’t done anything with them. They’re all standing around the room waiting for further instructions.

“What should we do now?” Adrien calls up to Allan. He hates that he feels so useless, but they can’t all just crowd around her.

“Ibuprofen? That could help the fever.”

“On it.” Adrien’s the only one that actually knows where it could be so the others leave it to him.

“How’s she doin’ Al?”

“She’s got a fever of 38.8 (102℉), and won’t drink water.”

“She’s pretty tired, I’m not sure she can sit-up…” Allegra adds on.

She can’t sit up. Marinette wants to make sure they know they’re aware of this so she tries to speak. She greatly overestimated her ability to do so however, so all that comes out is,”noo...t’ muh wor’...”

Allan shakes his head at her and Allegra smiles softly. Claude and Felix can’t hear her from where they are. Adrien reappears with a bottle of ibuprofen, passing it up to those on the bed. Allan reads the bottle while Allegra moves to help Marinette prop herself up. The girl is too weak to really resist and settles for leaning heavily against the braided blonde.

“Marinette can you take some ibuprofen too? It could help.” Allan has the ibuprofen and water ready, holding it out for her. She somehow manages to summon enough strength to grab them both, swallowing the medicine with the water. She gets about halfway done with the water before her arm starts shaking from the struggle. One of the others takes it out of her hands for her, setting it down. She slumps further, ready to go back to sleep. Marinette really hopes there's nothing else they have planned for her. She doesn’t like to let them down, but she’s just so exhausted.

It seems they finally understand that, because she’s allowed to lay down again and she vaguely registers them climbing down as she drifts back to sleep. She’s woken by her mother? She isn’t entirely sure how much time has passed, but she has soup for her so that’s nice. Marinette is pretty sure she had most of the soup. Or some of it? It’s not entirely clear to her in all honesty. Eventually she’s allowed to return to rest.

She wakes up again. It’s late, and she can tell it’s dark out. If she woke up on her own then she’s probably better now. That logic makes sense. Yeah…

There’s probably something she can do. The designer sits up slowly, thinking. Maybe she can- wait. Her plants! It’s fall and they can’t be outside in the winter, she has to take them inside so she can care for them! This certainly isn’t something that can wait for morning! Not at all! She should get on that.

---

Chat Noir is on a late-night patrol. Too many of his friends are going through things and sometimes it helps to just run across the rooftops. It can help clear his head.

That said, he would like to check on them. Ladybug is unfortunately out of the question, but he can always swing by the bakery. Marinette won’t be up, but maybe-

He pauses as the bakery comes into view. The girl in question is currently up and on her balcony. That’s not right. He and the other four stayed at her house for a few hours and she slept the whole time. Her parents came home and the friends left after letting them know. Marinette was definitely very sick, so there was no reason for her to be outside on her balcony of all places.

She seems to be trying to move her plants? It can’t be easy with how much she’s shaking. He starts forward again, picking up his pace when it begins to look like she may collapse. He lands near her and she doesn’t even seem to notice. Before he can say anything, she goes to try moving a different pot and trips on nothing, falling backwards into him.

“Hey Princess.”

“...hi?”

He gently grabs her by the shoulders, turning her around to face him though still holding her up. As much as he wants to ask her just what she thinks she’s doing, he can’t exactly say ‘hey I’m Adrien Agreste, I’m well aware that you are very sick and shouldn’t be outside in the middle of the night, especially in the fall. I was literally here hours ago and your temperature was almost 40 (104℉), you lovable moron.’

Instead, he says, “Are you okay? Lookin’ a little shaky there Mari.”

“ ‘m fine.”

He raises an eyebrow moving to feel her forehead, “Really now?” He can feel the heat of her fever through his glove.

“Mhm. Had a fever, but ‘m betta’ no.” She looks up at him blearily and blinks.

“You’re better now huh? The fever you’ve got begs to differ.”

“Don’ hav’ ah feev’r. All good…” She shakes her head and would have fallen over if it it weren’t for the fact he was still gripping her shoulders

“All good? And why is that?” This ought to be interesting.

“I woke up… an’ I got ou’ here…” She seems to be utterly convinced by this rock-solid reasoning.

“Princess, I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t actually better. You should get back to sleep.”

“ ‘m no’ tire’” She huffs like some defiant toddler, crossing her arms. It may have been more convincing if she wasn’t leaning heavily to one side.

“You should still go inside. It’ll be warmer.”

“No, an’ my plantsss…”

“Your plants can survive outside another night. Come on Mari.”

He guides her to the trapdoor, holding it open for her and following her inside. It feels weird being over so late, but he has a feeling that she may not actually sleep. He’ll just keep an eye on her until she does.

“See? t’s not warm.” She’s curled up near her cat pillow and is glaring at him feverishly. It isn’t all that menacing if he’s honest.

“Well,” he makes a point to look over the edge of the bed at the heaters they didn’t end up setting up earlier, “What about those heaters?”

She blinks at him.

He moves down the ladder. They didn’t do anything earlier because they didn’t want to make her too hot, but now the temperature has dropped and the girl’s room is rather cold.

After a bit, the room has warmed some and he returns to his friend. She hasn’t moved much and just blinks at him sleepily. He sits next to her.

“There, is that any better? Think you can sleep now Princess?”

“ ‘m not tir’d…” She just looks at him, as if suggesting she sleep is entirely bizarre.

“You’re sick. You need your rest Marinette. Your room is warm now so-” He gets cut off when she flops across him. Oh well, he’s probably the warmest thing in this room right now. If that’s what it takes to get her to sleep then he can deal with a Marinette blanket.

“ ‘re m’re w’m.”

He smiles at her, “Really now?”

“Mhm. but ‘m not tires..”

“Anything that could make you tired that you can think of? Because you do need to sleep. I could look something up…” He glances down at her. She’s making a weak grabby motion in his general direction.

“ ‘ugs?” She looks so hopeful and who is he to say no to her? He scoops her up so he can hug her without leaning down and squishing her. She’s curled against him and returning the hug feebly.

After about ten minutes her breathing evens out and she falls asleep lightly. He doesn’t want her to wake up so decides to wait a moment before moving her to her bed properly. He doesn’t really mind.

Besides, sleepy Marinette hugs are wonderful. He can wait.

He eventually transfers her under her blankets so that she can sleep on a proper bed and he can go to his own. He brushes her hair out of her face carefully as her exits her room. Being sure to shut the trapdoor properly, he goes back to his house.

He’d rest easier knowing one of his friends is doing all right.

---

Author’s Note: Apparently, a common effect of being overworked is having trouble falling asleep. As I said, Marinette worked herself sick - quite literally.

From here, the winter effects of her miraculous will begin impacting Mari, especially due to the fact that she worked away any stamina she may have had.

Reference slides for Claude's room here! I really know nothing about the typical parisian house, so I just designed the room based off Claude. Is it easy to tell he's my favorite to write for? I think I understand his personality best, so it's really easy to write for him.

Does anyone know if I can schedule my posts on AO3? It'd be useful, but I'm not sure it's an option.

Double update today! I'm really looking forward to the akuma in the next chapter. I'm both ashamed and proud of it.

As always, thanks for reading, and constructive criticism is welcomed in the comments below! I love seeing comments!

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#miraculous ladybug #transfer #fanfic #chameleon salt #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #chat noir #quantic kids #allegra #allan #claude #ml felix #fever #overworking #miraculous tendencies #miraculous side effects

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sinnhelmingrmoved · 4 years ago

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@sittimoranimiinterfectorem liked for a TMA starter

“--And so in closing, my beloved Jonah, I remain steadfast against all the darkness holds. This house is my own possession, and while I mislike the carriwitchett of recent intrusions, I would move for no one--” Leah dropped her narrator’s tone, voice lilting back to the songbird sound of her own voice, “Parentheses,” and then back to narration, “Lest you were to ask it of me, Jonah, and I should fly to you the very instant you did... I will keep courage, and await your answer with hope in my breast. Trusting to hear from you soon, I remain dear. Adoringly yours, Patience Heathcote.”

Swooning, Leah fell back against Tim’s desk, in the throes of ardor that Miss Heathcote had seen fit to indulge more than a century before. Her lashes fluttered, hands pressed to a heaving breast. Turning her face towards Jon, the attempt to imitate a starstruck daze crumbled, mouth twisting with uproarious laughter.

“Who does that?! Who flirts while telling a ghost story?!” Setting the letter aside, she wiped at the tears that had begun to roll from her eyes. Coughing, she sat up, staring directly at her companion. After midnight, everyone was allowed a little fun, even the foolish Archivist. Certainly, she was permitted to tease him a little.

“Statement of Hortense Glockenspiel, concerning just how dark Jonathan Sims’ eyes are.... Statement begins....” She lost the plot again, cackling. At last, she fumbled in her box of treasures for another offering, scanning the page before holding it out to Jon. “Christ, there’s so many of these --

Here. By all means, my Italian has always been a joke.” With a smile, she shut her eyes. “Mm. You can almost smell the perfume left behind. Or something urinated on the box and it soaked in over the years. Either way, it’s history.”

#sittimoranimiinterfectorem #it is knowing it is knowing [V: TMA]#JONAH'S BOX OF FORGOTTEN LOVE LETTERS BCS GOTHS GONNA GOTH NO MATTER THE ERA #.

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39hystericalqueens · 5 years ago

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It’s A Hard Life (Brian May x Reader) Chapter 1

This series was written alongside a companion playlist. Each song on the playlist is related to a certain scene or moment within the story and while this fic can 100% be read without the playlist, it adds so much to the story to listen along as you read. Throughout this series, you will see numbers in parentheses within the text. Each number corresponds to a track on the playlist. For example, if you saw: (1), this would mean play the first track on the playlist before continuing on reading. Some of the songs serve to set the mood, some correspond with a song that is actually playing in the story, and some tell part of the story better than I can and so they help to drive the plot. I will say again that you don’t need the playlist to understand and enjoy this fic but I strongly recommend at least checking it out.

MASTERLIST

Chapter 1

Warnings: Some swearing

A/N: It’s finally here! The first chapter of my Brian May x Reader fic, It’s A Hard Life. I worked really hard on this so I hope you all enjoy! Additionally, I don’t have a taglist yet so if you like what you read please message me and I’ll be sure to tag you in all future installments.

Word Count: 4.8k (she’s a long first chapter)

October 1969

*beep beep beep*

It never ceased to amaze you how jarring the sound of your alarm clock could be. Loud and unrelenting, it was especially obnoxious this morning because it signaled one thing: the beginning of the week. Grudgingly, you rolled over to check the time.

6:45 AM

Ugh. In an hour you’d have to be in class, and not just any class. Professor Wesham’s Intermediate Music Theory course was taught at 8am sharp every morning five days a week. Professor Wesham was a rather vile man with a love for discipline, trick questions, and embarrassing his students in front of the rest of the class. He had no interest in being a professor and mentioned that at any moment he saw fit. Rather, he believed that music theory was a subject that very few could teach correctly, and so it was his duty as a musician to impart those teachings upon young students, no matter how much he hated it. If you could have you would have dropped his class after the first week, but for a degree in music performance, all levels of theory were required.

You looked over at the clock again.

7:02 AM

C’mon Y/N, gonna have to get up sooner or later.

With quite a bit of effort, you finally pulled yourself up and out of bed and into the first pair of jeans you saw lying on the floor.

(1)

____

“...so when we’re looking to find a mode of a scale we can look to the intervals for the answers. Each mode has its own unique combination of whole tones and semitones, so if you know the patterns you can accurately alter the scale…”

As expected, class that morning was hellish. A thirty-minute lecture on the basics of modes followed by another twenty minutes of history and you found yourself slowly drifting back to sleep. Your thoughts were soon taken over by memories of being curled up in bed this morning and fantasies of what you would be eating for lunch in a few hours.

Maybe spaghetti? Or soup? I could really go for soup today. With luck they’ll have that creamy tomato one that I love down at the cafe...

“Miss Y/L/N?!” Professor Wesham’s voice rang out through the lecture hall

Shit.

“Miss Y/L/N I asked you a question, but it appears as though you can’t be bothered to pay attention to what I’m saying this morning. Have you heard a word of what I’ve said?”

You opened your mouth to protest, but nothing came out.

“That’s what I thought. Can anyone else answer my question? Anyone at all? Or are you all just going to sit there and stare at me like a bunch of deadbeats?!”

Silence filled the hall and for a moment it seemed as though he was about to give up and move on when suddenly he yelled,

“Susie! What is the C Mixolydian scale?”

From the back of the hall, a faint voice answered,

“It’s the 5th mode of the F major scale, it follows the Mixolydian interval pattern of whole whole semi whole whole semi whole, and the notes are C D E F G A and B flat.”

“Correct.”

And with that, he moved on forward with the lesson.

I could have answered that, you thought to yourself, all the bastard needed to do was repeat himself.

You sighed and silently took notes for the rest of the period.

When class let out you made a beeline for the door, hurrying out of the building and down towards the green commons in front. You didn’t stop walking until you saw the sign for The Cafe. Located right in the center of the music department, The Cafe was your go-to spot. Coffee and pastries in the mornings, sandwiches and soup for lunch, and full-on dinner seven nights a week. Although technically open to the general public, the music students at Ealing had claimed the place for themselves long ago, and you had never seen it empty in your entire time at the college. Today was no exception. You pushed your way in and headed straight for the counter to order.

“One creamy tomato soup please,” you said to the woman at the counter, and with your table number in hand, you found a small booth in the corner and collapsed into it.

It had been a particularly difficult week for you. The new term just started a few weeks ago and already your professors were piling on work. Theory worksheets, composition assignments, and three new solos had all been handed to you in the past few weeks, and it wouldn’t have been so bad if you didn’t also have a job that demanded long shifts late at night. You worked at Selmer’s, the music store in town and, due to your schedule, almost exclusively worked the night shifts from 6 until closing at midnight. It wasn’t a bad gig by any means, in fact you really liked working there. You never knew who would walk through the door. One moment it would be a broke uni student popping in to buy new guitar strings and the next it could be a famous musician like Pete Townshend. Okay so maybe not Pete Townshend, but you had once sold Jim McCarty a set of drumsticks. It was your one claim to fame.

As you ate your soup you enjoyably became lost in your own thoughts, so much so that you didn’t notice when someone sat down across from you.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N?”

The voice of your best friend Freddie interrupted your quiet contemplation. You loved him to death but sometimes he really had the worst timing.

The story of how you two met was actually quite funny. It was back in September of last year, the beginning of your first year of uni. The night before classes were set to start you had gone to a party and somehow ended up right in the middle of a game of truth or dare, only the rules had been altered slightly so that anyone who chose truth also had to take a shot. Being the relatively shy person that you were, you hadn’t taken many dares and as a result found yourself to be rather drunk.

“Alright c’mon Y/N,” said a guy named Greg (he was in your year and studying music as well) “you can’t pick truth forever.”

“Ok fine, dare”

“I dare you,” Greg continued, “to make out with Freddie.” He gestured to a man who appeared to be just as drunk as you were sitting across the circle. He laughed and said,

“Whenever you’re ready darling, I’ll just be over here waiting.” With a roll of your eyes toward Greg, you had crawled your way across the circle, straddled Freddie’s lap, and started to viciously make out with him to the best of your abilities in your drunken state.

The next morning you had woken up wickedly hungover and as you walked down the street to find something for breakfast you had bumped into none other than Freddie from the night before. He had laughed at the state of both of you (“we need to make sure that neither one of us ever drinks that much again!”) and offered to take you out to breakfast and the rest was history. It was definitely an odd way to start a friendship, but you two found that you just clicked together. His outspoken nature balanced out your tendencies to sink back into the shadows, and your level-headedness counteracted his love of making decisions on a whim. It really was, at least you two thought so, the perfect friendship.

“Hello? Y/N? Is anyone home in there?” Freddie continued as you looked up from your food.

“Hey Fred,” you said, coming to terms with the fact that your time for quiet contemplation was over. “What brings you down here? I thought you had a class way at the other end of campus this morning.”

“I did. And then I decided that I was feeling a bit peckish and could go for a bowl of The Cafe’s famous tomato soup, even if it is all the way on the other side of school. But this worked out perfectly, me running into you here, because I have something important to tell you!”

He dramatically reached his hands out and motioned for you to take them in yours.

“You know I have been following this band called Smile around for ages.”

You nodded.

“And you know I’ve been begging you to come out and see one of their shows with me”

Once again you nodded. At least once a month (if not more) Freddie would try and drag you along to one of their shows despite your efforts to tell him that rock concerts really weren’t your thing.

“Well recently I’ve started to hang around with them properly, them being the band, and we’ve become rather close. You and I both know Tim of course but it’s the other band members that I’ve really started to click with. We’re even talking about getting a flat together. They still won’t let me sing in the band, but that’s an issue for another day. What I need to tell you is that they’re playing a free gig tomorrow night right here at Ealing and you and I are both going!”

You opened your mouth to protest but Freddie kept talking.

“And don’t even try to get out of this one. I know for a fact that on Tuesdays you only work until 7, and I also know that you don’t have plans afterward because yesterday on the phone you expressed to me just how boring your week was going to be. So unless within the last 24 hours you have made plans to go out late on a Tuesday night after work, you have no excuse not to go with me to this.”

You stared back at him in disbelief.

“Alright Fred, you got me fair and square. I will go with you tomorrow,”

“Excellent!” he exclaimed, “I’ll be at Selmer’s to pick you up from work at 7 PM sharp tomorrow. Oh, this is going to be so fun!”

“Sounds like a plan,” and then you added, “And just because I’m going this time it doesn’t mean you’ll get me to go next time.”

“Fair enough,” Freddie said, “but you’re going to have so much fun tomorrow night that I won’t even have to ask you to go with me again.”

And with that he sprung up and made his way over to the counter to order some food, leaving you alone to wonder what on earth you had gotten yourself into.

——

The store was surprisingly slow for a Tuesday evening. Two hours into your shift and only three people had come in, and all within ten minutes of each other. To kill time you had started reorganizing the reed display, but quickly lost interest and for the past hour and a half you had simply been sitting behind the counter, listening to the old rock n roll music that played in the background, and thinking about nothing in particular.

(2)

🎵Without her I will be in misery (oh oh oh)

In misery (ooh ooh ooh)

My misery (la la la la la la) 🎵

As the song came to a close you heard the bell over the door jingle, alerting you that someone had just walked through the door. You craned your neck around the counter to see a guy with long dirty blond hair looking around frantically as though he had lost something.

“Hi,” you said, “Welcome to Selmer’s, can I help you find anyth-“

“Guitar strings!” he nearly shouted, “I need guitar strings!”

“Okay,” you said slowly, “do you have any idea as to which type of strings?”

“Oh shit...uh, I don’t know. The normal kind I guess? I just need strings!” he once again looked around frantically, eyes finally settling on the clock on the wall behind you. “Shit! I’m so going to be late!”

“Ok slow down a second,” you said calmly, “what’s all the hurry about? What, are you about to go onstage any second now?” You had meant it as a joke but to your surprise, he screamed,

“Yes!”

“Oh shit sorry I didn’t actually think you were- ok, um, so you don’t know the type of string but do you know what model the guitar is?”

“It’s uh...oh dammit I don’t know.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but what kind of guitarist doesn’t know the kind of guitar they play?”

“I’m not the guitarist,” he said, “I’m the drummer. Our guitarist broke a string like ten minutes ago so I ran out to grab him more while he helped the rest of our band keep setting up.”

“Ah, I see,” you said. “Well since you don’t know which kinds of strings he uses I’ll just give you some Fender 12 gauges. They’re pretty standard, I’ve got a lot of people who use them so hopefully that should be ok.”

“Yeah, those should be alright.”

You rang up the package and handed it to him.

“Thank you so much, you just saved our show.”

“My pleasure,” you said as you handed him the strings, “I hope these will work out for you guys tonight, and if not, well then you didn’t buy them here.”

He laughed at your comment.

“You’re funny,” he said. “Normally I would stay around and chat, maybe ask for your number, but I do kind of have to be going or else my bandmates will have my head on a spike. But it was great to meet you…uh….”

“Y/N,” you answered his unspoken question.

“Great to meet you Y/N, I’m Roger.” Is all he said before turning on his heel and sauntering out through the doorway. You could tell he was trying to maintain a cool, laid back composure despite having burst through your door in a panic not ten minutes prior. You laughed to yourself, wondering if you would ever see him again.

Looking at the clock you saw that it was eight till 7. Freddie would be here any minute. You got right to work closing up the store for the night. You were right in the middle of locking the window display cases when once again you heard the bell over the door ring.

“Hello darling I hope you’re ready for a concert!” Freddie’s melodious voice sang out.

“Hey Fred, just give me two more minutes and I’ll be ready to go,” you replied.

“I have been absolutely restless all day today thinking about tonight,” Freddie continued, “We are going to have so much fun!”

He made his way over to the counter and leaned against it, facing your back. “I really think you’re going to like their music,” he continued, “they’ve got a very real sound, none of that formulaic clean-cut bullshit.”

“I told you, Freddie,” you said, turning around to face him, “I make no promises as to whether or not I’ll like them. But they do sound quite lovely from the way you describe them.”

With that, you shut off all the lights, lock up the doors, and the two of you were on your way.

____

The concert was being held in the student center at Ealing, right in the middle of the campus. On a normal day the large open room was typically used for fundraisers, game nights, and a variety of other student-run activities, but every now and then the school would allow bands to put on shows. As you walked through the door you were immediately overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people packed into the room. All the tables and chairs had been pushed to the sides making it so it was barely possible to sit down, though there were a few people who had managed to squeeze themselves into a seat. You were about to follow their lead, your eyes fixed on an empty table close to the back, but Freddie grabbed you by the arm and pulled you both up to the very front.

“Do we really have to be this close, Fred? I can hear just as well from back there,” you said, gesturing towards the table you had so lovingly had your eye on.

“Darling we’re seeing a rock concert, not the symphony, it’s not just about being able to hear them. Watching them play and being right up in the middle of things is all part of the experience.”

You looked at him rather quizzically.

“Alright, but if I get my ears blown out tonight it’s your fault.”

“That’s the spirit! Now I’m going to go and get us both something to drink. I’ll be right back.”

As you watched your friend disappear into the crowd of students you turned to focus your attention on the stage in front of you. They had taken the small stage that permanently stayed in the back of the student center and never usually saw anything more exciting than experimental theater pieces put on by the drama students, and had completely transformed it into something out of a whimsical fever dream. Brightly colored metallic fabrics had been draped over the dingy, dust-filled curtain that hung behind the stage. In the center of the stage sat a drum kit with a giant red-lipped smile on the bass drum. To the side, there were two guitars on stands, a pretty standard bass guitar, which you recognized as Tim’s, and a guitar which you had never seen the likes of before. It was a bright cherry red color with a black pickguard and it was oddly round in shape. You had been working at a well-stocked music store for nearly two years now and had never seen any guitar that remotely resembled it before. To top it all off you saw that they had covered the lights facing the stage with different colored translucent films, further adding to the whimsical ambiance.

You know, this actually seems like it’s going to be a lot of fun. Dammit, Fred, why’d you have to be right.

You shook your head to yourself and began to look around to see if you could see Freddie anywhere when suddenly everyone started clapping.

The band was making its way onstage. On bass, there was Tim Staffell. He went to Ealing, studying graphic design, and was a good friend of Freddie’s. The three of you often went out together for drinks. You then looked over to see the man behind the drum kit and couldn’t believe what you saw. Sitting there was Roger, the guy you had sold guitar strings to mere hours ago.

“Ha!” You said aloud.

“What’s so funny?” Interjected Freddie, who had just appeared next to you holding two beers.

“I know the drummer,” you said.

“You know Roger?”

“Yeah,” you continue, chuckling, “I sold him guitar strings a few hours ago. He was in a right panic about it. Apparently, their guitarist broke one earlier and didn’t have any extras on hand.”

“Brian didn’t have any extra strings on him? That must have really caused a panic, I don’t think Brian has ever forgotten anything in his entire life.”

“I’m assuming Brian is the guitarist?”

“Yeah, and he’s bloody brilliant at it. There he is right there.” Freddie pointed to the man standing on the right of the stage. He was incredibly tall and lanky, with a head full of unruly curly brown hair and deep brown eyes. He was wearing black pinstriped trousers and a white top which he had accessorized with the most interesting looking fuzzy vest. He exuded the most peculiar combination of confidence and recluse, and as he stood there fiddling with his guitar you couldn’t help but think he was the most beautiful person you had ever seen.

You turned to say something to Freddie, but before you could get any words out Tim had started talking into the microphone.

“Hello Ealing!” He shouted. He was met with a resounding chorus of cheers and whoops from the crowd. “We are Smile!” More cheers. “You all know me, I’m Tim Staffell, over there on guitar we have Brian May, and back there on the drums is Roger Taylor. We’ve got a good set for you tonight, all originals except for a few, and we’re going to start with a song called Step On Me.”

At once they struck up an upbeat tune and it didn’t take long for the audience to start dancing and singing along with them.

(3)

🎵Know what I said when I saw you crying

Hang on that’s folly

I was weak in the head out to meet your lying

You’re just a bad memory

My life was going to be better

My why did I never ever see she’d step on me🎵

As you listened to them sing you couldn’t help but nod and dance along with the rest of the audience. Fred was right again, they really did have a sound the likes of which you had never heard before. Not only were their harmonies perfectly in tune, but they had an almost angelic quality to them that pulled you in, wanting to hear more.

“Well now look who’s actually having a good time,” Freddie said to you as they finished their first song. I knew you would like them.

“They really are something else,” you said, “although I would probably like them even more if I weren’t surrounded by so many people right now.”

Freddie laughed.

“I guess I’ll have to talk to Tim about getting you a private show then.”

They went from song to song, each one more enjoyable than the last, and while you tried to keep your attention from wavering, you kept finding yourself drawn to Brian the guitarist. Freddie hadn’t been lying when he said that Brian was bloody brilliant at what he did. You watched him easily play his way through several guitar solos, making them sound effortless, though with your musical knowledge (and by the look on his face) you could tell that they were anything but that. He played with a look of concentration on his face, never wavering except for the few times he looked up and out into the crowd. It was then, you noticed, that a small smile would cross his face.

All too soon Tim was at the microphone again, announcing that this would be their last song. You felt as if you could continue to listen to their music for hours and wished to yourself that the show wasn’t over yet.

“You all have been such a great crowd tonight,” Tim went on, “and so to finish we’re going to be bringing you everyone’s favorite: Doing Alright!”

If you thought you had liked the songs they had played the rest of the night, then you loved this one. It started out with a slow ballad, complete with more complex guitar work, but as it went on it morphed into hard rock with grit and feeling. You thought the juxtaposition of the two styles was a daring choice seeing as it would be easy to mess up, but they did it with such grace and style so that it completely worked. When the song finally came to a close and the band took their bows you joined in with the thunderous applause and cheering.

“Fred, I’ve got to say it: I really did enjoy myself tonight. It was a little loud and crowded for my liking but I think the music and the show were able to make up for it, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll come with you again.”

“Oh that’s wonderful darling! I knew tonight was going to be a success. But it’s not quite over yet.”

“No?”

“Of course not! You didn’t think you were going to get away without meeting the band, also known as my new friends. C’mon, they’re probably around somewhere outside packing up.”

You and Freddie fought your way through the crowds of students to get to the door and out into the night air. As Freddie had said, you found Tim and Roger sitting on the back of a van which you could see was full up of their equipment. Brian was nowhere in sight.

“Freddie! So glad you could make it!” Exclaimed Roger, standing up. “And,” he turned to you, “I don’t believe it. Y/N from the music store, why on earth didn’t you tell me you were coming to the show tonight?”

“Mostly because I had no idea this was your band,” you replied, laughing. “Freddie here has been after me to see and meet you guys for ages.”

“And,” said Roger, “what do you think?”

“Coming from someone who doesn’t tend to enjoy rock concerts, I thought you guys were wonderful. I did not expect to enjoy myself tonight as much as I did. I think you’ve really got something special here.”

“You flatter us too much,” said Tim, “if you keep talking like that we’re all gonna get big heads. And Roger’s is big enough as is.”

“Hey!” said Roger, but he smiled.

“So,” you continue, “Freddie said you guys are thinking about getting a flat together?”

“Yeah, Brian and I found this place up the road a little, Brian’s our guitarist by the way,” said Roger.

At the mention of his name, you could feel your heart flutter slightly in your chest.

“Freddie mentioned him,” you said, “Did the strings end up working out for him?”

“I thought they were fine, but Bri gets particular about these things. I guess they were the wrong brand or gauge or something like that. He kept going on about how he was going to sound awful tonight and his sound was going to be too abrasive.”

“Well yes, different strings are going to give you different sounds and I don’t know what he usually uses, but you guys sounded just great to me.”

Part of you desperately wanted to ask where he was right now, but you decided against it.

Against your better judgment, you had let Freddie convince you to stay around and talk with him, Tim, and Roger for a while longer. In that time you learned that Roger was studying to be a dentist at London Hospital Medical School, and Brian was over at the Imperial College studying, as Roger put it, “some sort of space physics.”

“He’s real into all that,” Roger continued, “but I can’t say the same for myself. I get good marks and all that, professors think I have a lot of ‘promise’, whatever that means, but a dentist for the rest of my life? I’m not sure I could handle that. Nah, I’m hoping to stay in rock n roll for as long as I can. What about you? You’re over at Ealing with Fred and Tim, right? Are you another graphic design nerd like these guys?”

“No, music actually. Nothing like what you guys do,” you added, seeing Roger’s face light up, “classical repertoire mostly. I play the flute.”

“You any good?”

“I suppose that’s a matter of opinion. Personally, I tend to think I’m shit, but you ask any music student and they’ll tell you the same thing.”

“Oh don’t be like that, Y/N,” interjected Freddie, “she’s bloody marvelous. She can play you Bach like you’ve never heard before, although Roger I don’t think you have ever heard it before.”

“Oh come off it, I’ve heard my fair share of the classical stuff.”

“Yes, next time you go to the symphony be sure to refer to it as ‘the classical stuff’ I’m sure you won’t get any funny looks at all.”

You and Tim howled with laughter at Freddie’s comment while Roger gave him a good punch in the shoulder.

“Dear god, look at the time,” you said a moment later after having glanced at your watch. “Is it really two thirty in the morning?!”

“I suppose it is,” said Tim, “sure hasn’t felt that long.”

“I’ve really got to be going then,” you said.

“Aw c’mon stay out for a little longer with us,” said Tim, “Fred and I hardly get to see you anymore.”

“I know, and I wish that I could, but I’ve got class at 8 tomorrow morning and I should at least try to get some sleep.”

“Oh alright go on, we know you’re right,” said Freddie, “I should probably be going myself, I am quite exhausted.”

“See ya later Fred,” said Roger, “great to see you again, Y/N. You should come round to the flat once we get it, we’d all love to see you again and you can meet Brian as well.”

The flutter was back.

“I definitely will,” you replied before giving them all a wave and starting back to your own flat.

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hallie-fics · 5 years ago

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author spotlight - still_i_fall

He wants to forget how it felt to be hers for just one second.

- remember it’s all pretend @in-my-head-i-do-everything-right

one of the most prolific writers in the hallie fandom, @in-my-head-i-do-everything-right (still_i_fall) has graced us with classic after classic. i had an absolute blast talking with her, and hope you all enjoy the interview!

q&a

Hey! Thanks again for including me in this! Very excited to answer the questions. I love talking about myself.

Favorite of your stories (and why)

I almost got stuck on this question. I really want to say remember it’s all pretend because I am so incredibly proud of that one. It was the first multi chapter fic that I ever properly finished and I feel like that really means something to me. I also really love that concept, and how it was able to fit in slowburn and enemies to friends to lovers and mutual pining plus a million other little tropes. And, most of all, it was really fun to write. It happened really easily. It’s something I’ll go back to sometimes if I’m ever in the mood to reread my own work.

But I also love this new thing that I just wrote called i just wanna dance with you. I think if I can pull it off, it could be something really amazing. I was able to write the first chapter in about a week and had a ton of fun doing it. And I really love writing Harry’s pov and just switching things up a little. Ugh, I really love the idea of hallie meeting/knowing each other as little kids and I think that’s pretty apparent in these two fics.

Easiest story to write

I’ll stop the world (and melt with you) happened really quickly which I guess qualifies it as easy to write. I thought it’d be more difficult just because so much of it is dependent on canon which is something I’m not entirely used to, but it ended up going to fast. I think somewhere I still have a page of notes on that Prom episode and everything that happens to Allie and Harry. I really wanted to include pieces of dialogue from the show.

I also think it was because I used to do this thing when I was bored where I’d think about who I’d want to be trapped in a Groundhog day like loop with and what’d I’d do. It was just this recurring thought/ daydream I had when I was younger so it’s definitely a situation that I’ve thought through a little.

Hardest story to write

The taste, the touch, the way we love has been a pain in the ass to write right from the start. Sometimes it’s really fun, but I think I’ve been sticking way too close to the outline I drew at the very start and have been avoiding writing it for too long. Sometimes I absolutely love to write it and have the time of my life, and other times I hate it. There’s not much of an in between. Still definitely want to finish it. Just waiting on that final bit of inspiration.

Pre-writing process

I’m all about doing a full outline. Usually. With most longer fics (anything I think will be over 6,000 words), I do a full outline where I plan out the progression of the fic and specific scenes and pieces of dialogue. Usually, the plot hits me all at once and is usually the easiest part of the writing process for me. From that original outline, I usually have at least a few specific scenes fully planned out with pieces of dialogue and/or exposition. For example, for i’ll stop the world I started out the planning process with the introduction piece of the fic. That first paragraph is straight out of the note apps on my phone. A lot of the time it’ll end up being a bullet point list of main bits. I’ll use parentheses to specify the tone of a scene or little details and then use brackets for things that I want verbatim in the fic.

But sometimes I end up with very little pre-planning. The skating au is kinda the only good example of this. I only had the roughest of outlines for that one (how i wanted the first chapter to start and end) and everything else just came together as I tried to get from point A to point B.

What drew you to Hallie

The potential. They could have a really great story and I think that’s fun. There’s a lot of chemistry there and their dynamic is fun and, yeah, I think I’m a little too far in to get out now.

Favorite line (or lines)/ section you’re proud of

God, I have so many. Hope you don’t mind me going through them. It’s incredibly self indulgent but also gives me an excuse to go through my old works.

From the very first hallie fic I ever wrote, how you wish it would be all the time:

“And Harry's not perfect. He's not what she wanted before this all started or even really after, but everything's different now.”

Sometimes I forget about this fic, but I really shouldn’t cause there is a solid chance that this was my peak. And this line is really fun.

From we kiss and we keep busy:

“The stars may have moved a little bit, but they’re still there, and they still look the same, and that’s good enough for her.”

I promise I’m not going through every hallie fic I’ve ever written but god I love this line.

From i saved a picture where your hair was braided:

“It’s late nights and long talks and video games and cookie dough. It’s almost kisses, then definite kisses, and then not wanting to wake up anywhere but his bed. That’s how she starts to fall in love with Harry Bingham.”

Just that last part. That last line. The rest is just there for some fun context. Fun fact: this entire little mini fic was a desperate attempt to stave off writer's block and is based entirely around that single line in the song Donna by the lumineers. Still had a lot of fun with it, though.

From remember it’s all pretend:

“He wonders when she’ll realise that this hasn’t been pretend for him in years. Probably never. (He’d still run away with her.)”

“In the back of her mind, Allie wonders why she didn’t try harder to stay with Harry, why now she can only seem to fall in love in front of a camera where there’s the promise of pretend.”

“She likes to think that they’re still friends, that they’re just friends who don’t talk anymore, two people who drifted because one couldn’t handle the idea of change.”

This fic has a million little bits that I love. I could literally go on forever. It’s just full of that mutual pining angst that I live for.

From but i close my eyes and i’m somewhere else:

“She did not mention this earlier because she was trying desperately hard to ignore it, but fuck, she’s really missed him calling her Pressman.”

“She wonders if Cassandra has any travel sized neck pillows.”

This fic is surprisingly good seeing as I don’t remember writing it at all. I was very much high on some sort of flu medication while writing this and I think that explains a lot about this fic. It’s fun, though. I really love the tone.

From the taste, the touch, the way we love:

“She starts to feel like she couldn’t avoid Harry if she wanted to (and somehow, as the days turn into weeks, she finds herself not wanting to more and more).”

“There’s saltwater in her eyes, hair, and mouth. Harry’s leaning back in it, floating. She is too. The water is blue, and warm, and the sky is clear. Sometimes his hand will grab hers just to pull her closer. When she thinks of calm, of happiness, and vacation, she’ll think of this moment.”

“They’re quiet for a moment. Maggie Rogers can be heard in the background, faded and slow. Harry’s tapping his fingers along to it on the wheel, eyes staring straight ahead. The road is lined with trees, and it all feels like home.”

“For a half a second, she thinks she loves him. She pushes that away and watches him throw wrapping paper behind him dramatically. She pushes it away and she smiles and she laughs and she tries not to think too hard about what all of this means.”

This fic definitely has its moments. I’m really excited to get the last part done and out, though. I just feel like I’ve spent too long on this fic. I want it done.

From i just wanna dance with you:

“Allie met Harry the same day Cassandra did. It was early in the morning and she was four and now, when she looks back, all she can remember from the moment is the vague outline of wild hair and a smile so bright and wide and carefree that it really can’t be anyone else’s.”

“She tries to remember that she likes skating with Will, that there’s no point in wondering what it’d be like if things were just a little bit different.”

“She lied earlier; gold, silver, bronze, doesn’t matter. Harry always looks good.”

“The first time he ever placed first in a competition, she was skating with him. He wonders how long he’ll associate the feeling of a gold medal around his neck with her hand in his. He hopes it’s not long. “

I’m so excited to finish this fic like you guys don’t even understand. It’s really fun and it feels easy to write (so far; knock on wood) and I love the concept.

What type of Hallie stories do you like to write/read?

I only write au’s just because I think the rules are little different, everything’s just a little bit more relaxed. You’re allowed so much freedom when it’s a completely different universe and I really love that. I went through a phase recently where I was obsessed with canon divergence and this whole idea of a history of contingency. Just there being these points or moments where if one thing was just a little different, everything would’ve changed. I love that and I think that’s really apparent in my drafts/ unreleased wips.

I’ll read anything, though. Especially with the Hallie ao3 page being so small. I do definitely have a preference still towards au’s, though.

How long have you been writing

For forever. As a kid, I’d fill up entire notebooks with story ideas. It was my favorite thing to do. When I was twelve, a teacher complimented my writing, and I think that really stuck with me. It’s just something I’ve always enjoyed doing.

Do you ever worry about how your stories are received

Not really. A little bit with multi chapter stories just because I really want every chapter to be better than the last. I just really don’t want to disappoint anyone.

What’s the hardest part of writing for you

The middle bits. I usually have a very clear idea of the beginning and end so it’s everything in between that I have trouble with. I think that’s why I’m so big on outlining.

Do you ever get writer's block and how do you deal with it

Oh my god all the fucking time! Right now, for example. Usually, I just try to work through it, especially if I have a project in progress. I also do a lot of reading to try to force some sort of inspiration. A lot of what I write is based on what I’m reading. I’ll also listen to music. And, recently, I’ve been making mood boards for my fics which has been so much fun. I really like looking at pretty pictures.

Biggest risk you’ve taken as a writer

Lol I don’t really take risks. I think the riskiest thing I do is post the first chapter of a story with none of the second chapter started. I do that a lot.

Favorite Hallie trope

Reluctant friends to very good friends to lovers. Also, living together without establishing a clear relationship. I write that a lot. Mutual pining is always fun too.

Favorite Hallie headcanon

That Harry calls Allie ‘Pressman’ which forces Allie to call him ‘Bingham’. I just think there’s something so fun about calling someone by their last name. Plus, then you get that moment when the first name is used and that gets to be significant. Oh, also that they both swear like sailors, but that’s mostly self-insert on my part.

This felt very self indulgent, but I hope it was at least somewhat enjoyable for someone.

I am forever waiting to read whatever @in-my-head-i-do-everything-right writes next. It was great to see some of the behind the scenes and I would definitely recommend her latest release cities you’ll never see on screen.

#the society #hallie #author spotlight #in-my-head-i-do-everything-right #still_i_fall

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kcwcommentary · 6 years ago

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VLD3x06 – “Tailing a Comet”

3x06 – “Tailing a Comet”

This episode is a mess.

This commentary is long because I have a lot to critique.

Lance is in some Galra base. He’s looking through the scope of his bayard-turned-rifle. The red of the bayard and the blue of his armor looks so dissonant. I don’t know how the visual of the colors not matching resulting from the lion switch plot ever felt right to the EPs. It might match for whatever nostalgia they have of the old 80s Voltron, but it looks like an animation error.

Keith rushes in, taking out sentries. All the Paladins are there, including Allura, whose bayard is manifesting as a whip. A very inconsistent whip. Sometimes it acts solid, like a normal whip, wrapping around sentries. Other times, without anything to suggest a change, it acts like a blade, cutting sentries apart. Purposeful inconsistencies like the nature and behavior of her bayard make it difficult to track and anticipate how anything works in this show. It’s disorienting to watch. Just another absurdity of this show’s production.

Pidge does something to a computer and all the sentries shut down and fall over. That is a serious security vulnerability that one would think the Galra, with their 10,000-year old universe-wide empire, would have figured out and built their systems so that every sentry didn’t have a singular, unified off-switch.

Given what Pidge and Keith say at the end of the scene, the Paladins must be going around taking down various Galra bases before turning them over to the Blade of Marmora.

The sequence ends, revealing itself to be just an action set-piece. There was no narrative relevance to the scene, no reason for the scene to be in the story. It was solely there as pointless spectacle.

Back on the Castle Ship, Keith is talking to Shiro. Shiro remembers the battle with Zarkon, he remembers the Black Lion telling him to use the black bayard, and the next thing he remembers is waking up on a Galra ship. While Shiro could use a haircut, him in his white tank top is nice. Initially, I was just going to write that as a side-note in parentheses, but looking at Shiro’s bare arms, seeing precisely how the prosthetic connects to his arm is important. This won’t be relevant to some of my criticism for several seasons, but I want to point it out very specifically now so that I can come back to it when Shiro gets his new arm in season seven. It’s something I suspected, but I couldn’t remember any absolute textual evidence for what I have long thought. Seeing him in this tank top now, I know for certain, I’m right. This makes the new arm he gets in season seven even more abhorrent. I’ll wait until I get to those episodes to point out specifically why.

Keith points out that Shiro had “just unlocked the Black Lion’s ability to teleport.” He suggests maybe Black was trying to save Shiro by teleporting him or that maybe Zarkon somehow made Black teleport Shiro into Galra hands. This would have at least explained what happened to Shiro’s body. But since we know from future episodes that this isn’t Shiro, and that Black did not teleport Shiro to the Galra, the show leaves us with no explanation for what happened to Shiro’s body or how he died.

“Hey Keith, how many times are you going to have to save me before this is over?” Shiro asks. “As many times as it takes,” Keith answers. I love that they care about each other. And that makes the fact that they don’t talk to each other in season eight, acting as if they barely know each other, more infuriating.

Hair cut and face shaven, Shiro joins the others on the bridge. The first thing he says to them is to congratulate them on the work they’ve done in his absence in fighting against the Galra. Pidge interrupts with information she’s gotten from data she’s analyzed about Lotor, saying his most recent sightings have been in a particular “quadrant.” Shiro comments about the quadrant being huge. As I complained about the use of the word in 3x02 “Red Paladin,” I really don’t like that “quadrant” has become some go-to word for miscellaneous area divisions of space. The show remembers that Hunk is an engineer and intelligent, so they have him and Pidge go back and forth discussing a way to try to track the “comet.”

Lance actually comes to Keith’s room to talk to him. “You’re the leader now, right?” Lance says to Keith. This is an unnecessary, uncomfortable situation the show chose to put itself in. Lance talks about how they have “one Paladin too many.” Lance doesn’t want to take Blue away from Allura, so if Shiro resumes as Black Paladin and Keith goes back to Red, Lance thinks he should step aside. If the EPs of the show didn’t want to contort this show to fit their nostalgia of the old 80s Voltron, then this wouldn’t need to be an issue. There was nothing whatsoever wrong with having Allura as an admiral-level commander stationed on the Castle Ship. There she could be written as a leader, but as the Blue Paladin, she’s just kind of there, following orders instead of giving them.

Keith tries to convince Lance to just focus on the missions instead of worrying about it. To a small degree, Lance talking to Keith about this is Lance revealing some of his significant insecurities. With the unexplained rivalry between these two characters, character growth for them could have been built around Keith helping Lance learn to deal with his insecurities. This scene would be a step in such development, so Keith not recognizing here how severe Lance’s insecurities are makes sense. But the character development would need to continue in the future, and I think the show thinks that they do keep working on this character development, but they don’t ever really resolve the arc. It just sort of fizzles. At least, I don’t remember the show explaining how Lance deals with his insecurities.

Once again, the mice are shown having gone into the same (or similar) area of the ship’s systems with the two small crystals that they went into in 1x03 “Defenders of the Universe.” Like then, I don’t understand why the system was designed so that a technician couldn’t access it, thus necessitating using the mice to do so. Hunk promising the mice a “mouse shower” is cute though.

Hunk hitting the panel to make the ship send out whatever energy ring that is shown beaming out from the Castle is cliché, and, given the command input interface of this system, not really sensical. They detect the “comet” and begin pursuit. Their system locates the “comet” on a standard Galra ship, not Lotor’s, at a planet. Once again, the planet does not look like a planet.

Both Keith and Shiro simultaneously go to give the team commands. Keith defers to Shiro. I guess it makes sense that a readjustment like this moment might be realistic given the plot as it’s been this season, but I can’t watch it and not think about how the EPs wanted Keith as Black Paladin and wanted Shiro dead. Shiro thinks that the Galra must be transferring the “comet” to the base, but the ship ends up blasting the base. Shiro says they need more information, and Keith tells Shiro to take the Black Lion, that he’ll stay on the Castle with Coran and help provide support.

This suggests something that bothers me throughout the show. The Castle is a large ship and must have been designed with the intention of a larger crew than what Team Voltron has. They never do staff the Castle with such a crew though. Despite the show telling us about people joining the Voltron Coalition, none of those who join work on the Castle. The Olkari are a culture significantly made up of engineers, yet none join the crew. Slav supposedly helps on the Castle Ship at the end of season two, but he’s nowhere to be seen now. That the crew is never realistically staffed annoys me.

The Black Lion won’t respond to Shiro, so he tells Keith he’ll have to lead the mission. “It looks like you’re its true paladin now,” Shiro says. Ugh. Contextualizing this with the clone storyline, this is supposed to be a hint that this Shiro isn’t the real Shiro. The problem with that is that just last episode, Black specifically reacted to this clone, detected him, roared for him. There is literally no explanation for why Black would be interested in directing Keith to this clone last episode only to reject him now. Black wanted the clone last episode, but for Black now to not want the clone: the show is just ridiculously inconsistent. It’s like those in charge of the story cannot make up their minds about what the story is from one episode to the next.

The show expects us to think that somehow Black has bonded with Keith more than Shiro? That Shiro’s right in saying that Keith is Black’s “true paladin now.” That attempt by the show to make Keith Black Paladin is an act to delegitimize Shiro’s character entirely, including to degrade him from seasons one and two. The only explanation the show ever gives for Black choosing Keith over Shiro is that this is not really Shiro but a clone. But then, even once the real Shiro is put in the clone’s body, the show still has Black choose Keith over Shiro. That’s still the show delegitimizing Shiro in seasons one and two.

I can’t help but to feel insulted and offended by this storytelling decision. It’s like the show is ridiculing me for having thought the unified story of Shiro and Black in seasons one and two was good. This is the show calling me a fool for thinking Shiro and Black’s joint story in the first two seasons of the show meant something.

Shiro still tries to give leadership from the Castle Ship (there’s no narrative reason this couldn’t be Allura like it had been in the past).

Lotor’s generals bust in the base. (I still think Ezor’s sock head is an absurd design.) The Galra commander of the base shouts, “Lotor sent you to finish what he started!?” The episode doesn’t explain what the Galra commander meant by this.

The Paladins board the Galra ship, but there’s no crew. Even if Lotor is trying to act outside of the knowledge of the other Galra of the Empire, why wouldn’t there be sentries on the ship? They’re just robots, which means their allegiances should be programable.

Narti takes psychic control of the Galra base commander. She makes him shut down base security, which again makes all the sentries turn off. This again emphasizes what a severe security risk it is for the Galra to have all the sentries effectively have a singular off-button. Narti has him open the base’s roof, and inside is part of the teludav Team Voltron used to transport Zarkon’s ship in 2x12 “Best Laid Plans.”

The Paladins track down the “comet” to find instead a ship that’s been made from the “comet.” Wow, Lotor was fast. (So fast that it doesn’t feel realistic.) Episode 3x04 “Hole in the Sky,” wherein Lotor steals the “comet,” takes place between when Voltron fights him at Thayserix, seen in both 3x03 “The Hunted” and 3x05 “The Journey,” and when they find Shiro. Shiro loses consciousness during his pursuit of Voltron in “The Journey” seven days after Thayserix. Assuming a day or two of recovery on board the Castle before Keith and Shiro’s conversation at the start of this episode, that would mean Lotor would have had the “comet” processed and the ship constructed start-to-finish within maybe a week-and-a-half?? That is an unrealistic manufacturing timetable, especially if he’s doing all this relatively covertly.

Allura thinks that the Galra would never be able to operate the teludav without an Altean, and then she remembers that Haggar is Altean. This is written like Allura had forgotten and only just now remembered. The way she reacted upon seeing that Haggar is Altean at the end of season two, there’s no way that that would not have been something that was at the forefront of Allura’s mind. That’s why it’s weird that the show never made that revelation about Haggar a topic of discussion among Team Voltron before now.

Keith and Shiro have a disagreement. Keith thinks they should find and attack Lotor directly, thinking that stopping him will stop everything. Shiro thinks the most important problem to deal with is to prevent Lotor from having this ship he’s built and the Paladins should return to the Lions. Allura argues that Shiro has a point, Keith doesn’t exactly disagree, and says everyone else should return to their Lions while he looks for Lotor. Shiro tells Keith they all need to stick together. The rest of the Paladins concur. Keith gives in to the group.

As they move to leave, Lotor’s generals return and attack.

Keith and Axca fight, and for some unknown reason, it makes Keith think of the helmeted, unidentified Galra he ran into in the Weblum in 2x09 “The Belly of the Weblum.” There is literally nothing the episode presents about this moment of combat between Keith and Axca, nor about the Weblum meeting revisited in a quick set of flashbacks, to explain why Keith connected the two here and now. This moment of recognition is absolutely contrived.

Allura uses her bayard whip and wraps it around Zethrid’s rifle. Why she doesn’t use the whip to cut through the rifle, as we’ve seen her clearly cut through sentries with it, I don’t know. I know this is a show for a younger audience, so they can’t have Allura cut through Zethrid herself, but she could destroy the gun. Also, Hunk could have used his big gun to lay down a lot of suppression fire, but he never does. This fight does not feel well crafted.

The Paladins regroup and flee. Zethrid wants to pursue, but Axca orders her not to.

The Paladins discuss everything as they make their way back to the Lions. Keith confirms he knows Axca from the Weblum, but again, there is nothing about this fight now that would explain his realization. There’s worry about Haggar using the teludav to create wormholes, but honestly, I don’t see how this is an increase in Galra ability. Despite the Castle Ship’s having used wormholes in trying to distance themselves from Zarkon, Zarkon’s ship was able to traverse the same distance easily and quickly during his pursuit of them in season two. The distances traveled in this show are huge. We’re not talking from one star to another, we’re talking across the universe. Galra ships would have to have some form of travel comparable to wormholes to be able to do so, even if they don’t have teludavs specifically. Allura’s more concerned with Lotor having a ship made from the “comet.”

Pidge finally brings up something that’s at the core of this episode’s conflict: if Lotor has taken over for Zarkon, then why is he attacking a Galra base. I honestly would have expected this question to have been asked way earlier in the episode, like as soon as they detected the Galra cruiser firing on the base.

As Shiro and Coran bring the Castle Ship toward the planet to try to stop the Galra cruiser, Lotor’s “comet” ship attacks them.

A few words about the visual design of Lotor’s “comet” ship: to me, it looks silly. It looks clearly like a pair of legs. While I know that it eventually combines with other ships to form Sincline, and this ship is Sincline’s legs, it would have been nice if this ship didn’t look so obviously like legs.

When Voltron shows up, the “comet” ship takes off. Keith orders Voltron to form sword, and he uses the black bayard to do so. This doesn’t make any sense since in the past it was the red bayard in the Red Lion that formed the sword. This demonstrates another problem with the Paladins switching Lions: inconsistency of how Voltron is operated. We learn that Axca and Narti are piloting the “comet” ship, not Lotor. He’s off somewhere else, communicating with his generals here.

Shiro, Keith, and Allura kind of argue about attack priorities: The “comet” ship or the Galra cruiser with the teludav. “I thought taking down the ship made from the comet was the most important thing,” Keith aggressively says. It’s within character for Keith to become narrowly focused on something, so it’s not that it is unreasonable that Keith would find the need to deal with two targets in this situation difficult to think about. It does feel though like the show is purposefully trying to put Keith and Shiro at odds with one another in team leadership. Shiro yells to Keith that the Galra ship with the teludav is getting away.

Here’s another problem with this moment that reveals the whole dilemma to be contrived: While Voltron is fighting the “comet” ship, and Shiro is calling for Voltron to stop the ship with the teludav, the Castle Ship is doing nothing. The Castle Ship has been shown to be able to take out Galra ships many times before on this show. So why doesn’t it go after the ship with the teludav? Because the narrative is being forced to artificially manufacture contention between Shiro and Keith.

Shiro tells Keith to “lower your shield, shoot the cargo ship, and deal with the consequences.” Keith still thinks they can deal with the “comet” ship first before the other. Shiro yells, “There’s not enough time. You need to make a decision.” This is even writing Shiro’s character badly. If the decision is up to Keith to be made, then it’s clear what Keith’s decision is, so then Shiro shouldn’t be arguing otherwise. Again, this whole dilemma is totally contrived because the writers think that they’re making some big statement about how you can’t have two leaders. It feels like such a false, unnatural conflict between Shiro and Keith.

Keith eventually orders the team to execute Shiro’s plan: lower the shield and shoot the ship with the teludav. Given Lotor’s communication with the “comet” ship, he somehow knows that Voltron is going to do Shiro’s plan of lowering the shield to shoot the cargo ship. There is no reason that Lotor should know this.

Voltron drops its shield, brings up the shoulder canon, and Lotor orders the “comet” ship to “Fire, now!” Where is he that he can see this battle in such precise detail to order a ship to fire at such a specific moment? With the Paladins having said the cruiser was empty when they were on the planet, and with the way Lotor has been talking during this fight, he’s not here, so he wouldn’t be able to make such precise orders.

Keith seems to sense the “comet” ship firing, so he maneuvers Voltron out of the way, and the “comet” ship’s blast hits the teludav. That is a very precise angle that Voltron would have had to create in order to ensure that the “comet” ship’s blast would hit the teludav, so Voltron’s maneuver being purposeful to result in this outcome is highly unrealistic.

Voltron, now out of the way, just sits there, giving the “comet” ship time to re-aim and fire on them, this time hitting Voltron. The “comet” ship goes over to the cruiser so Zethrid and Ezor can board the “comet” ship. They then flee. Keith wants to pursue, but Shiro tells them to return to the Castle, that they need to figure out what is actually going on with Lotor’s actions/plans.

Shiro talks to Keith alone, apologizing for “stepping in.” Keith says he “thought he had it under control.” Shiro tells him, “You need to learn to pick your battles. Sometimes you have to make hard choices.” But Keith’s problem wasn’t that he wasn’t picking a battle or making a choice, so I don’t understand this supposed wisdom from Shiro. Shiro says that it was Keith’s “quick thinking that prevented Lotor from getting away with the teludav.” This confirms that we’re supposed to read the moment earlier when Keith maneuvers Voltron out of the way of the “comet” ship’s blast and the blast hits the teludav as being intentional, but setting up the necessary angle for that to happen is not something that could have happened as quickly as it did and in as stressful of a situation as it did, so again, that moment was highly unrealistic.

Shiro then again says, “The Black Lion has chosen you.” Ugh. It’s one thing for Black to chose Keith when Shiro’s unavailable, but it’s another for Black to choose Keith over Shiro. At this point, we’re supposed to think this is the real Shiro, so that’s explicitly what this scene is saying: that Black has chosen Keith over Shiro. Setting aside that this is a clone, the episode gives no explanation for why Black would choose Keith over Shiro. Shiro did the work of freeing Black from Zarkon’s influence. Shiro did the work to acquire the black bayard. And here the show is telling us that that strong bond Black had with Shiro that was necessary for it to be freed from Zarkon is now meaningless? Recontextualizing to view this as Black rejecting the clone, then the show needs to explain why Black was so connected to the clone last episode that it sensed the clone and directed Keith to go get him.

The Galra base commander is being interrogated by Haggar. He says he can’t remember anything other than whoever came had the correct landing codes. Narti must then be able to erase memories with her psychic powers. I’m still surprised that she’s not seen as a threat to Haggar. Haggar says she believes the commander, “but [he] still must pay for his failure” and she uses some miscellaneous purple energy to make him scream. Standing a short distance from her is Lotor, looking smug. For the commander to be there now, this scene has to have been some notable amount of time after the battle at the base.

And the episode ends.

So much of this episode is unexplained and contrived. Keith knowing Axca was the Galra he met in the Weblum. Lotor’s real-time awareness of the battle despite not being there to observe it, and his knowing precisely what Shiro’s attack plan is to relay that information to his generals. Shiro and Keith butting heads. The Castle Ship completely dropping out of the fight instead of attacking the one ship so that Voltron can attack the other. While there are a couple of good, yet brief moments in this episode, the vast majority of the episode is contrived or incoherent or disrespectful of past story.

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #vld #voltron criticism #vld criticism #voltron critical #vld critical #vld season 3 #vld 3x06 #commentary

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