#how is pancreatic cancer diagnosed

[signalboobs]

Denial is a hell of a drug lemme tell ya

[ceyhanmedya]

What is pancreatic cancer? What are the symptoms and treatment methods? 2023

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What is pancreatic cancer? What are the symptoms and treatment methods? 2023

The pancreas is an organ that has very important functions in the body, located at the back of the abdomen and adjacent to the stomach, duodenum and large intestine, which is about 15 cm long. The pancreas ensures the digestion of the consumed foods and keeping the glucose obtained from these foods at the required levels in the blood. Apart from this, the smallest damage to the pancreas, which has many vital functions, can lead to consequences that affect the whole body.

What is pancreatic cancer?

Malignant masses that tend to proliferate in any part of the pancreas are called pancreatic cancer. Although cancers formed in this organ can develop in all parts of the organ, they most commonly spread in the head region. The most common type of pancreatic cancer is adenocarcinoma. Since adenocarcinoma originates from aggressive cells, it can progress rapidly and metastasize to surrounding tissues.

What are the symptoms of pancreatic cancer?

Pancreatic cancer can progress insidiously without any symptoms in its initial stages. However, the most common pancreatic cancer symptoms that started to appear in the later stages are; symptoms such as weight loss, abdominal pain, jaundice, loss of appetite, nausea-vomiting, weakness, fatigue, diarrhea, indigestion, back pain, glass paste-colored stools, pallor, sudden onset diabetes and depression without a family history. Rapid weight loss is seen in patients as a result of malnutrition along with bloating, indigestion and loss of appetite. One of the earliest and most common symptoms is jaundice. Initially, jaundice appears in the eyes, then yellowing of the skin, darkening of the urine color and turning into ‘tea-colored urine’, and finally results in an abnormal lightening of the stool color, defined as ‘glass paste’. The cause of jaundice is the inhibition of the excretion of bilirubin produced by the liver to the duodenum as a result of obstruction of the biliary tract by pancreatic cancer. While the pain is a mild discomfort, which is defined as vague abdominal pain, it takes the form of abdominal pain in the back in the future. It is blunt in nature. It is often associated with symptoms of bloating and indigestion. in the future, it takes the form of abdominal pain that hits the back. It is blunt in nature. It is often associated with symptoms of bloating and indigestion. in the future, it takes the form of abdominal pain that hits the back. It is blunt in nature. It is often associated with symptoms of bloating and indigestion.

What are the causes of pancreatic cancer?

Although the cause of the disease is unknown, it is more common in smokers and obese individuals. In almost 30% of patients, the cause of pancreatic cancer is smoking. Pancreatic cancer associated with adult diabetes is controversial. Having a family history of cancer is also among the causes of pancreatic cancer. The disease is more common in men than women, and the risk of developing this disease increases with age. The average age at catching pancreatic cancer worldwide is 63 for men and 67 for women.

How is pancreatic cancer diagnosed?

Diagnosis can be difficult, especially in the early stages, as the disease presents with insidious symptoms. In patients who apply to the health institution in the early period, it is of great importance that the patient is well examined by the physician and that the necessary diagnostic tests are applied in order to diagnose the disease.

Ultrasonography:  Ultrasonography is the first examination method to be applied in the suspicion of pancreatic cancer. The presence of a hard or cystic mass in the pancreas gives information about the size of the mass, its relationship with other surrounding structures, and its proximity to vascular structures.

Laboratory tests:  Serum bilirubin, alkaline phosphatase, liver transaminases and values ​​such as CEA, CA19-9 and CA-125 were increased. Bilirubin in the urine is positive.

Computed tomography (CT) and magnetic resonance imaging (MR):  CT gives very important information about pancreatic tumors when taken orally and intravenously with contrast medication. It has a diagnostic feature of approximately 95% or more. MR imaging is also important in the differential diagnosis of the tumor. These two examinations can be used together when necessary, ensuring the correct results for the surgery decision to be given to the patient and the correct staging of the tumor.

Individuals diagnosed with the disease as a result of the tests should be evaluated in detail in terms of pancreatic cancer stages, and the treatment process should be started immediately after the stage of the disease is determined.

How is pancreatic cancer treated?

At the beginning of the process for pancreatic cancer treatment, at the end of physical examination, laboratory and radiological examinations, the stage of the pancreatic tumor, its relationship with neighboring organs, especially whether it has spread to adjacent vessels and/or distant organs, and the chance of surgical removal are evaluated. Surgery cannot be performed in advanced stage tumors. Along with the chemotherapy to be applied to these patients, some interventions can be applied to improve the comfort of life by correcting the existing jaundice, providing nutritional support and reducing pain. For this purpose, placing a tube (stent) that provides passage to the bile duct with endoscopy from the mouth through the stomach, draining the bile out with the help of a needle placed from the abdominal skin to the intrahepatic biliary tract with the help of a needle, advanced pain relief techniques,

Surgical Treatment: If  the tumor is suitable for surgical removal, ‘Whipple surgery’ is performed. In addition, if the tumor is located in the body and tail of the pancreas, relatively easier resection methods can be applied. Surgical removal of the tumor is the only cure for these patients. In pancreatic head tumors, surgery is more complicated since it is not possible to surgically remove only the head of the pancreas. In Whipple surgery; Together with the head of the pancreas, the gallbladder, part of the main bile duct, duodenum, part of the stomach and surrounding lymph nodes are removed as a block. 

Radiation Therapy:  Radiation therapy, also called radiotherapy, involves using high-energy rays to kill cancer cells. Radiation therapy only affects cells in the area being treated. Radiotherapy is applied alone or in combination with chemotherapy, especially if the location and size of the tumor complicates the surgery or in cases where surgery cannot be performed. Radiotherapy can be combined with chemotherapy to shrink the tumor before surgery. In some cases, radiotherapy may be given to prevent recurrences after surgery.

Chemotherapy:  It is the use of anticancer drugs to kill cancer cells. In pancreatic cancers, drug treatment called chemotherapy can be applied, taking into account the general conditions of the patients before or after surgery. Chemotherapy may be used in conjunction with radiotherapy to shrink the tumor prior to surgery or as a primary treatment in place of surgery. Surgery and radiotherapy have no place in extensive advanced disease. By administering chemotherapy to this group of patients, their quality of life can be significantly improved.

after treatment

Survival:  The chance of full recovery after surgery with early diagnosis is less than 50%. Anticancer drugs and radiation therapy increase the rate of recovery. However, survival rates are not good after surgeries that leave cancer cells behind or in cases where there is spread to neighboring organs.

Prevention:  In order to prevent pancreatic cancer, it is necessary to stay away from tobacco, eat a balanced diet, do regular exercise and get rid of excess weight. NOTE:  The text here is a general information and may vary depending on the patient and the condition of the disease, so consult with a Medical Oncology specialist for personal evaluation.

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[rwrbficrecs]

A combined rec list for July & August ❤️

Before This, After That by @orchidscript (book-verse)

@dot524: Henry has a serious horse-riding injury and is in a downward spiral with his recovery until Therapist Alex pulls him out of it. I liked the sharp-edges interaction between them as they fall for each other. I actually read this one a while ago and it was just as good as a reread!

The darkest part of the forest by @everwitch-magiks (book-verse)

@suseagull04: I've loved this entire series, but this was my favorite by far so far! The way the author does world building in her fics is incomparable, even in a fic this short! I would love if she decided to make this a multichapter someday!

Count The Stars and Constellations by @everwitch-magiks (book-verse)

@suseagull04: I've said it once already this month, but it bears repeating: the way the author does world building in her fics is absolutely phenomenal! This one's an outer space saga for the ages, plus it's a multichapter, so we get to see Alex and Henry fall in love over the span of several years, and it's a bit angsty, but absolutely worth it!

An Exquisite Temptation by @tinyarmedtrex (book-verse)

@na-dineee: Henry became a Catholic priest to escape his homophobic family. Never did he expect to meet a stunningly attractive and equally charming, mouthy Texan who would seriously challenge his devout faith. Y'all can guess where this is headed, right? Delicious in so many ways: emotional, full of ‘80s vibes, angsty, smutty—an absolute masterpiece! Chef’s kiss!

How to get over Henry Fox: A list by dazedandconfused (book-verse)

@na-dineee: This AU is set in 2002, and Alex breaks up with the love of his life Henry. Even though it's clear they’d only be apart for a year, the story is still so gut-wrenching. The hurt and angst really got to me—reading that fic is a challenge, but it's absolutely worth it.

late night devil (put your hands on me) by @nine-butterflies (book-verse)

@suseagull04: The way this author took a 4 chapter fic and gave the world so much history and lore is absolutely incredible! Plus there are so many moments of Alex and Henry's relationship that're reminiscent of the book. Everything about this fic is amazing- and it's also definitely a good fic if you're looking for something for Halloween when it arrives soon!

right there beside him (all summer long) by @theprinceandagcd (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: The winter in Australia had me craving a story with summer vibes and this fic was perfect for that. Loved everything about this fic!!

Interrupted (series) by RadioFriday (book-verse)

@dot524: Henry is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, just like his dad was. This story follows him and Alex through their painful journey, including the end of it and beyond. Read this if you’re in the mood to have your heart broken, over and over.

the very essence of love by dollarstoreannabethchase (book-verse)

@suseagull04: It's RWRB, but from Henry's POV. The angst of the original is heightened in this (believe it or not, it can be done), but that makes the ending that much sweeter, and I loved the insight into Henry's thoughts!

somewhere in your world by @callmevenji (book-verse)

@na-dineee: Prince Henry, student at Oxford, tries to reach a hook-up gone wrong – and ends up texting someone else entirely: Alex. A deep chat friendship unfolds, while simultaneously Henry begins to fall for the charismatic FSOTUS. Whether it’s the universe at work, coincidence, or fate, the pleasure of reading this heartfelt fic is indescribably beautiful !!

In the Grand Scheme of Things by @itsmaybitheway (book/movie-verse)

@suseagull04: Meet cute at a wedding, instant attraction, intellectual banter- this fic has it all! Plus this is the best AU characterization of firstprince I've seen in a while, it's fantastic!

marked by rizcriz (book/movie-verse)

@zwiazdziarka: a soulmate AU with some extra drama - Henry learns that the reason he hasn't met his soulmate was his grandmother's plotting. Extremely well executed - my heart was breaking and then singing when it all turned out well.

Someday Soon I’ll See You (But Now You’re Out of Sight) by MaryaDmitrievnaLikesSundays (book-verse)

@dot524: In the mood for some intense angst? I needed like two business days to recover from reading this one. The story is a devastating view of complex grief as different characters deal with Alex’s death. I thought that the odd and asynchronous ways the grief manifests for different people was raw, real, and well done.

peace by @raysletters (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This is the Sky High AU I didn't know I needed! I love how this isn't a carbon copy of the movie but uses each character's strengths and weaknesses- and it's also just a very cute magic high school AU, which is just the cherry on top!

Son of a Gun by foux_dogue (book-verse)

@na-dineee: I hope you’ve all read 'It's not a secret' by now? I wasn't aware until it was published, but I needed that follow-up so badly! In this fic, which can be read as a standalone, Alex cuts down his work as a tattoo artist to take care of the kids (good thing Henry is loaded) and inevitably has to deal with the Milton-Saylor Academy Mom Squad. Absolutely wholesome, full of domesticity—just like, excellent!

You Set The Tone by @iboatedhere (book-verse)

@na-dineee: Alex is an emergency room doctor and Henry a pediatrician in the same hospital, and their animosity (read: infatuation) with each other began just as unfortunate as in canon. Their gradual coming together, intertwined with the medical emergencies, is wonderfully crafted. The tension is effortlessly maintained over 70k words, never feeling contrived. I was so moved while reading, it hurt phenomenally good, and I cried more than I have in a long time.

pick your poison babe (im poison either way) by sheWritesToLiveVicariously (book-verse)

@na-dineee: Co-workers to lovers with lots of emotion and a touch of angst—it never gets old, right? This 5+1 story is part of the "little moments that pass us by" series, and like all the stories in it, it's rather short, but full of feeling, very soft, and so touching. I'm already looking forward to hopefully many more fics in this series.

Down In The Valley by @aforgottennymph (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: This Stardew Valley AU was such a lovely read and as an avid stardew valley player, I thoroughly enjoyed all the little easter eggs and references to the game. Even if you’ve never played Stardew, this is still such a sweet and delightful read!!

[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Six:: [Conflict & Chaos]

Summary: As panic consumes Jake after finding out about your current medical condition, Jake calls your mother to fill in the gaps. Nurse Lydia escapes being taken to her supervisor and Jake lets loose on his mother who tries to stop him from leaving.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil. Overbearing mothers.

Word Count: 4.4K

Author Note: Okay Sick!wifey maybe there is another guy. Or not, who knows. My guess is a platonic friendship that will ultimately end in heartbreak.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

November 2nd 

“You look like you've just been told you’re dying?” It was a voice you didn't recognise that pulled you out of the bottomless pit of worry you'd fallen into as you sat on the edge of the raised garden bed just outside your doctor's office. “It's okay, you were probably just told that so it's alright to look like your whole world’s just been flipped on its head.” The man shrugged as he came to sit beside you with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. 

“Sorry, sorry–” You shook your head as you wiped your tears and dried your face, probably as patchy and puffy as ever. “Are you a doctor here?” 

“Me?” the man smiled as he pointed to his chest with a scoff. “Oh no, no I'm uh–I’m a patient I guess.” The man corrected you as he watched you try to fix yourself up. Before you knew it there was a tissue being held out of you to take. 

“Thanks.” You smiled softly with gratitude and accepted the tissue the man wouldn't be wanted back anytime soon. 

“No problem.” He nodded. “I saw you come out of Doctor Parsons' office, she's got a pretty rough gig don't you reckon?” 

“I'll say.” You agreed, Doctor Parsons probably wanted to go into her profession to help people, but nowadays all it seemed like was she was dishing out hard to swallow diagnoses. “You’re a patent of hers too?” 

“Unfortunately, Pancreatic– what about you?” The man asked as you tried to wrap your head around the idea of exchanging diagnosis with another human being. 

“I uh–I was just told I have breast cancer.” This complete stranger was the first person you told, before you mum, before your ex husband, before your kids or extended family. This stranger who was sitting next to you outside your local doctors office was the first person beside your doctor to know you had cancer, that your cells were dying–that you were, in fact, dying. 

“Oh yeah? What's the going rate for that one?” This all seemed too normal, too calm to be talking about. It wasn't the reaction you'd ever expected although you weren't really thinking about how people would react. “Sorry, I'm being too nosy.” The man beside you reached out and extended his hand towards you. “I’m Jensen, I don't mean to pry, it's just I don't see an awful lot of young people come into this particular doctors office and when I saw you rush out like your world had just been rocked I couldn't help but to follow you out here.” Jensen smiled as you shook his hand. “I'm also incredibly self aware of how creepy that sounds, so again, I'm sorry.” 

“No no–” You chuckled as you let go of Jensen's hand. “It's okay, it's just uh, fresh I guess, like ten minutes ago fresh.” You tried to explain the best you could. “Y/n, my names Y/n–” 

“Damn Y/n that's hot off the press–” Jesne pressed his lips together in a fine line, he understood what it was like to feel the crushing weight of the world on your chest. He was only in for a chat with doctor Parsons the day he met you. “Listen, in the hopes of not being too forward, can I give you my number?” He asked with a caution laced between his words, ready for rejection. “Not in a, I'd like to take you out sometime, although I wouldn't be opposed.” You had to stop yourself from looking as shocked as you were. Were you really being picked up out the front of a doctor's surgery? “But in more of an I understand what you’re going through kinda way and if you ever need an ear to vent to about the not so glamorous journey you're about to go on, I'd very much like to be that person for you, I always wished I had someone when I first started my battle.” 

“Uh, yeah–” You couldn't help but to smile through the dried tears on your face. “Sure, yeah that sounds really nice actually.” WHen you unlocked your phone the realisation that Jake, your ex husband, had been the last person you called dawned on you. He didn't know, he could never know. He wouldn't care enough to want to know. And yet here this stranger was, willing and ready to listen. “And for the record maybe when the dust settles I wouldn't be opposed to the idea either.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

“I vow to be your faithful partner in sickness, and in health.” Jake could hear your vow’s ringing out inside his mind as he raced around his childhood bedroom getting his stuff packed to leave. Your voice sounded as if you were standing right before him, plaguing his mind with haunting memories of promises he’d failed to keep. 

“I promise to love you unconditionally, to honor and respect you, and bring you solace in times of need.” Your voice was like a hauntingly beautiful memory reminding him of the vows you’d promised each other on your wedding day, right after his father had told him that happiness was essentially a hallmark card scam. Jake could hardly focus as he tried to compose himself enough to just think about what was going on for a second—but then his own voice echoed around in his mind, the voice of his former self who hadn’t yet ruined his marriage spoke up through the darkness of his fuzzy and fragile mind. 

“I take you for better or worse, in sickness and in health, in chaos and conflict, through heaven and hell.” Jake felt an anger so deep and overwhelming that he stood from his twin bed and walked a few quick paces across his room to where his closest door was. The animalistic growl that left his body when Jake slammed his fist into the wooden door woke his mother who was sleeping soundly a room or two down the hall. She hadn’t been woken so abruptly like that in years. Not since her children were young adolescence. 

With his busted hand and a pain in his chest he could only describe as emotional turmoil, Jake stumbled back over to his bed and picked up his discarded phone. He mulled over the decision for a few seconds before he went through his contacts to find probably the only woman who could give him more of the story. 

Your mother, Mary O’Riley. Or as Jake affectionately called her for the better half of your relationship, Maz. 

Jake's thumb lingered over her contact for a few seconds before he decided that yes, yes he needed more information. He needed someone to tell him this was all just some sick fucked up prank. He needed someone to tell him that you were in fact, alright, and that you weren’t lying in a hospital bed right now, without him there to hold your hand and tell you everything would be okay. 

He’d promised you in sickness and in health. 

Jake listened with anticipation and dread as the phone rang against his ear. It rang and rang and rang until finally at the very last second she could—your mother picked up the phone while she sat at your bedside. 

“Jacob—“ He heard her coo into the speaker. “You—“

“Tell me she’s not sick Maz.” Was all Jake said. It was stern and filled with heartbreak. “Please, tell me right now that she’s not in the hospital right now.” Your mother could tell Jake was holding back tears through gritted teeth as she turned her head over to the nurses station to see Lydia almost hyperventilating over her mistake. “Maz! FUCKING TELL ME MY WIFE DOESNT HAVE BREAST CANCER!” 

The sudden outburst made your mum jump nearly out of her seat as she pulled her phone slightly away from her ear, but it didn’t surprise her. Jake loved you so much, it was only natural he’d be in a state of shock finding out the way he had. 

“Jake, sweetheart, I need you to sit down for me.” Mary cooed softly with a sincere expression of empathy. “Please, just sit down and I’ll explain what’s going on.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

Lydia had never felt more stressed in her very short lived career. Once she had hung up the phone with who she now knew was probably your ex husband, Lydia's immediate plan was to come clean to your mum as she sat by your bedside. Luckily, your condition post op was pretty good all things considered and instead of taking up another room in the ICU, your surgeon said that it would be best for your recovery to be placed back in the room you would see out the next few weeks of chemotherapy in. There was no escaping the oncology ward, not even a stroke could save you as it seamned. 

“Miss O’Riley?” Lydia’s voice shook as she walked into your hospital room to see you sleeping in a drugged out haze of pain relief post op. You weren't expected to be awake for another few hours or so to allow your brain time to rest. “I need to speak with you for a moment, if you have a second.” All of this was going on around you without your knowledge. And quite frankly you wouldn't have wanted to know anyway– I mean, who really wants to be told that their nurse accidentally rang your husband and violated your privacy accidently? Certainly not you. 

“Is something wrong with my daughter?” Your mother asked as she held your hand, watching at the monitor told her you were stable, that your heart was beating and that you, despite the odds, would survive another day. 

“No, no, your daughter seemed to be responding well post surgery–” Lydia's voice still shook with nervousness for the reaction her actions would invoke. “It's just that I’ve uh–” Lydia was only young, she had so much left to give to the healthcare industry, one mistake couldn’t end her career before it had even started could it? “I accidentally called your daughter's husband, I automatically assumed he would be her emergency contact because he was listed as her husband and–” Lydia tried to get her explanation out as quickly as she possibly could before your mother had a chance to speak. “I'm so sorry, I told him about her current medical condition.” 

“Oh god.” Your mother groaned as she looked back to where you laid peacefully unaware that Jake now knew about your whereabouts and health status. “She didn't want him to know, at least not yet anyway.” Your mother explained as she sighed and ran her hands over her face. 

“I'm so sorry, I just assumed and before I knew he was asking what the hell I was even talking about and then I looked further down the page and saw that you were listed as her emergency contact.” Lydia was currently seeing her entire career flash before her eyes. All your mother had to do was request to speak to her supervisor, request that she report she violated HIPAA, but she didn't. Your mother simply nodded and accepted the fact a young girl who was only just starting out had made a mistake wasn't life threatening. 

“It's alright, just uh, he’s going to come, if I know that man he's going to be on the first flight here so as my daughters medically proxy, can you please adjust her visiting list and add Jake Seresin to the list.” Your mother knew Jake would be calling any minute now and that he knew there was no vacation away. Now that he knew what was going on. Mary fished her phone out of her handbag and sat it on your bedside table in anticipation. She was almost going to set a timer just to see how long it would take her son in law to call. 

“You–you aren't going to report me?” Lydia was at this point, in tears. She was so overwhelmed that she could barely see. Your mother felt sympathy for the young woman and really didn't want to be a part of whatever reprimanding could come of a simple mistake. So, she simply shook her head, looked back at her phone for a fleeting moment before she turned to look at you and finally back to Lydia who couldn't have been more thankful for the words that came out of your mothers mother. 

“No dear, no I'm not going to report you, mistakes happen–” Your mother pressed her lips together in a fine line as she reached up to touch your cheek with the pad of her thumb. “My daughter knows that all too well.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

“Please, just sit down and I’ll explain what’s going on.” Jake listened to what Maz had said and he did what he was told. He had always respected your mum and her natural born wisdom that Jake clung to through the time he had known her. “Are you sitting down?” 

“Yeah, yeah i'm sittin.’” 

“Jake–” Maz sighed heavily into the phone. “Back in november when Y/n called you about taking the kids for christmas she was sitting in her doctors office.” Jake didn't speak, he listened carefully to every word your mother spoke. His head was spinning as his heart raced. Tears streamed down his cheeks as the realisation set in. “She’d just been told she has a very aggressive form of breast cancer– stage three A, triple positive grade three invasive doctoral carcinoma.” 

“Wh-why didn't she just tell me?” Jake knew that the two of you had never been more divided in your marriage, but he always thought that if you were sick to this level, that you'd call and he’d come running. Come hell or high water Jake was going back to Rhode Island to be with you. 

“That's a question you’ll just have to ask her.” Your mother replied. “But she's not alone, I'm with her right now, she uh–had a stroke only about an hour after she’d been admitted to oncology, good thing we were already in the hospital when it happened or else it could have been a hell of a lot worse.” 

“Maz–” Jake croaked out. “I don't know what I'm supposed to do.” He cried softly into the phone, it broke your mothers heart. “Tell me what I'm supposed to do.” He wasn't asking if he should get a ticket on the next flight out, no. No Maz knew exactly what Jake was asking her and again, it wasn't a question she held the answers to. 

“You just have to show up for her.” Was all your mother was able to say. “I dont have the answers this time Sweetheart, I’m not sure how to fix what's broken between the two of you, but I wanna know how soon you can get here–” Your mother paused as she tried to hold back her own tears. “She's not in a good way, she needs her husband Jake, she needs you here.”

Jake remembered that phone call, the one where you initially asked him to take the kids for christmas. He should have asked more questions, should have pressed you a little harder for information. Maybe, just maybe if he did back then, you would have crumbled and told him the truth. 

“I'll be there as soon as I can Maz, consider me on the next available flight.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

in sickness and in health, in chaos and conflict. It was the only thing Jake could tell himself over and over again as he walked down the large staircase of his parents place. in sickness and in health, in chaos and conflict. Jake had one thing and only one thing on his mind, getting back to you. 

“Jacob?” Jake froze as he got to the bottom of the staircase, his mother stood at the top, dressing gown pulled snug against her as she folded her arms across her chest and frowned down at her grown adult son. “What’s going on? It’s almost four in the morning?” 

“I just got off the phone with Maz—“ Jake explained as he watched his mum walk down the stairs, her eyes tired from a restless sleep. Having a home full of children and grandchildren didn’t help. “Y/n’s really sick, she’s uh—“ Jake wasn’t sure he wanted his mother to know about your diagnosis before he’d truly had a chance to process it himself. So, he didn’t divulge. “In the hospital, I just need to get back.” 

“Get back?” Janeen frowned in displeasure at her son's decision to leave. “What do you mean get back, you only just got here.”

“My wife’s in the hospital Ma, I need to go and make sure she’s alright.” Jake didn’t think he’d have to spell it out, but he did. “I promised her in sickness and in health, unfortunately she’s taken a turn for the worse and she’s at the very least right now the mother of my children, so I need to go and be with her and figure out what’s going on.” 

“Y/n is a grown woman who can take care of herself.” Janeen reached up to touch Jake's cheek, however, before she could run the pad of her thumb across Jake's scruffed cheek, he pulled away in anger. “She decided that when she left you? Or don’t you remember what that woman put you through?” 

“Ma.” Jake clenched his jaw under the dim light of the main foyer. “I love you, I do, but you need to stop disrespecting her.”

“Disrespecting her?” Jake's mother scoffed as she watched him pick up his duffel bag and head towards the front door. “What about the disrespect she showed this family? The disrespect she showed you when she was unfaithful to her wedding vows and left you! She took your kids away from your Jacob and what? You’re running back to her the second she gets a runny nose?” Jake was holding his tongue between his teeth as his mother followed him out to the cars, he’d already called a taxi. “Honestly I never in a million years thought you’d settle for someone so—“

“MUM!” Jake snapped abruptly, he wasn’t proud of raising his voice with the woman who raised him, gave him life, but my god did she need to back off. “SHUT, THE HELL, UP!” Jake hissed as he saw headlights coming up the drive. “I’m leaving my children here until I figure out what’s going on but so help me god if I get back and your attitude hasn’t done a full three sixty about my wife, the love of my life, you will never see her, or our kids, or me, again!” 

Janeen remained silent as she watched the taxi Jake had called pull up to where they were standing. She watched with teary eyes as he threw his bag into the back seat and greeted the driver kindly. He was an older gentleman. Probably mid sixties. 

“I will call you when I know more but you have to stop degrading her, I’m the one who drove her away.” Jake had wanted to say this since the first comment his mother ever made about you way back in January just after he’d told her the two of you were separating. Jake took his mother in his arms, he towered over the smaller built woman with graying hair. He let his chin rest on the top of her head and didn’t hold back. 

“Just because you never had the courage to leave dad when he stopped loving you the way he should doesn’t mean you get to project your pity on my wife for doing what you always wished you should have.” Jake had never felt such a weight lifted off his chest and immediately knew that the chances of him being invited back for next years Seresin family Christmas was probably a long shot. “You should ask Jasmine about her new nanny.” Jake finished as he pulled away. “I heard she's a really good people pleasure.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

“Ordinary streets, Extraordinary stories.” Jake read over your shoulder as you jotted down some ideas for your latest project. “Huh, I like that, it's sorta catchy.” He smiled softly against your cheek before leaving a gentle kiss in his wake. His eyes lingered down to your book proposal for your publisher and continued reading as you sat at your desk, glued to your laptop like a woman on an impossible mission against time. “This collection of stories centers on the idea of ‘accidental death’ and the upheaval caused in the lives of those who lost a loved one in this way.” Jake read outloud over your shoulder in the dimly lit office. “I'm starting to think I should sleep with the lights on at night.” 

“One eye open will do.” You mumbled back as you re-read your last sentence and continued on typing like your husband wasn't trying to coax you away from your work. “I have a deadline to meet, so shoo fly, don't bother me.” You teased as Jake moved your hair to one side and began to kiss the juncture of your neck and shoulder. Seduction was usually his strong suit. 

It was no shock to Jake that almost immediately out of college you started writing non-stop about the things you were most passionate about. He thought you'd stick it out and become some wildly successful fiction novelist. Perhaps lean into your fascination with dystopian hierarchy, but no. You really came out of the left field when you picked up a publishing gig to write and publish not one, but three true crime biographies. The little bookshop on firth you worked at were so overjoyed for you when you’d told them the big news. 

“You are working yourself to the bone, Honey.” Jake replied softly as his hands trailed down your stomach to feel the small but swelling baby bump that was growing bigger by the day. 

“Says the guy still in his flight suit–” You fired right back without taking your eyes off the screen of your laptop. Your fingers worked fast to type the thoughts in your mind onto the screen before they were forgotten. If you let your mind wander too far away you'd lose your momentum. “Jake, I need to finish this chapter before bed.” 

“No, no, what you need Hon, is to close your laptop and follow me to where I've run you a bath for your surely aching muscles, swollen feet and to ward off that impending cold I know you're coming down with.” Jake caught the way your fingers froze across the keys of your laptop at his thoughtful words, you hadn’t even mentioned feeling under the weather yet. “I heard you sniffling while cooking dinner–thought I better be proactive and try help you sweat it out.” 

You felt the heat in your cheeks rising as a smile crept across your face. You looked down at the ring on your left ring finger and tried not to cry. You could have blamed it on the raging pregnancy hormones from the twin Seresin babies currently using your body as a host, but you knew it was just the overwhelming love you felt. 

“You ran me a bath?” It was something you didn't know you needed until Jake had mentioned it. 

“Not to toot my own horn or nothin but I lit your favorite candles too, even went as far as to put a few rose petals in the bubbles.” Jake watched as you spun around in your chair to face him with big teary eyes and an even bigger baby bump. “Gotta look after my girl, can't have the mother of my children feeling sick, now can I?” 

“I'm intrigued to see what kind of special treatment I'll receive if I'm ever really unwell if this is what I'm getting for a runny nose.” You teased as Jake helped you up off your work chair. His hand went straight to the small of your back to guide you out of the study down the hall towards the bathroom where he had everything set and sorted for you. 

“Hopefully we never get to the point where you're chronically ill.” Jake kissed your temple as he walked with you. “Never wanna see you sicker than a cold.” He explained as your eyes went wide with wonder and ore at the sight of your bathroom fully lit with candles. “But trust that I'll be right by your side, holding your hand through whatever may come.” 

“You really didn't have to do all this for me.” You sighed as Jake started to help you undress. You watched him with love filled eyes through the mirror as his hands roamed your body, stripping articles of clothing from your pregnant silhouette.  

“Nonsense, I'll always do things like this for you.” Jake shrugged it off like his actions were no big deal. To him at that moment they really weren't, he was just trying to help wherever he could. “But you should probably wake up now–” 

“What do you mean?” A slow steady beeping broke through your mind as your body began to feel numb.  “Jake—“ You frowned as the bathroom faded around you. “Jake?” You called out as you felt yourself feeling heavy and lethargic. “Jake—?” 

“Sweetheart can you hear me?” Your mother asked as your surgeon tried to assess your ability to open your eyes. The small light that was shining in your eyes did little to cure your confusion. 

“Jake?” You asked again as your eyes fluttered open, you groaned softly in annoyance to the light of the hospital room you woke up in. “Where’s Jake?” Everything was so blurry, so confusing, the last thing you remembered was getting ready for a bath, now you where here in a hospital room. 

“He’s not here Sweetheart, do you remember what happened?” When you didn’t answer your doctor interjected to jog your memory. 

“You had a minor stroke Mrs Seresin, lucky for you you were already on sight when it happened—do you remember why you’re here?” As you looked around at the Christmas lights that now decorated your hospital room and the small Christmas tree in the corner on the coffee table near the old recliner, you remembered. 

“Oh.” That’s right you thought to yourself, you were separated. Jake didn’t care, not anymore. He’d stopped running baths for you years ago. “Oh, yeah—I remember.” You whispered before a single tear ran down your face. 

“I remember everything.” 

***~***~***~***~***

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional l @jessicab1991 91 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog @goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30 @accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes @eternallyvenus

[orphicdreamers-wp]

I Know The End — Nico Hischier

Summary; In which a rumor started turns into you staring the end of your lifelong dream in the eye

Content Warnings: Blackmail, false accusations of assault, mentions of cancer, mentions of blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of death during childbirth, angst, Jack & Luke Hughes acting out of character, pick me fem oc(Julia), Nico being caught in the crossfire, inaccuracies of being banned from the NHL, female NHL player

Pairing: Nico Hischier & Fem Reader

You had always loved hockey, your father held the highest pride in his only daughter enjoying his favorite sport. He’d played hockey briefly for a professional team in Germany when you were really young. So it didn’t come as a surprise to him when you decided you wanted to play hockey as well. He was reserved to let you play, your mother had died a few years earlier. She died during childbirth with your younger brother, Vincent and your dad didn’t want to lose you too. But reluctantly he agreed to let you play, because he saw how much you loved it.

So you played hockey from your seventh year in school and you eventually made it onto the Professional Women’s League’s Boston team for about a year and a half. But that wasn’t where you heart was. Your father had encouraged you to go for the NHL, but he didn’t make it to your draft. He had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had stopped responding to treatment just weeks before the draft was scheduled. He had passed away the night before you were drafted by the New Jersey Devils.

You knew before you were drafted that playing on a team with a bunch of guys wouldn’t be easy. You knew that you would find yourself the brunt of the jokes and facing a lot of hazing from the men. But you didn’t mind it, as long as you got to do what you loved you didn’t mind if the men who were on your team hated you and the idea of you being there. As time progressed only one of the players really seemed to be okay with your presence, Nico seemed to enjoy being around you. Whenever the team won and would go out to celebrate Nico always kindly extended the invitation to you, knowing the other guys weren’t.

You rarely accepted but whenever you did you found yourself enjoying the time spent with Nico and occasionally the other players when they were in decent enough moods to tolerate you. So it wasn’t a surprise when you and Nico wound up intertwined in each other and eventually became a couple. But that never would have worked out, not in a million years. So you and him broke up and within a month he was already seeing someone new. Her name was Julia, and you liked her enough. She was smart and kind. But if you knew then that she would be the reason your in the position you are you would have never spoken to her.

You were leaned against the boards untaping your stick after practice when your head coach Lindy Ruff approached you, “I need to see you in my office now.” You were taken aback by the urgency in his tone as you could feel eyes on you. You frowned slightly as you made your way to his office. You raised an eyebrow as you walked into a room full of men, you were used to it so you sat down and waited as an uncertain feeling loomed over your head.

Coach Ruff spoke ever so gently, as if he was scared of your reaction to the news he had, “I’m sure you know Comissioner Gary Bettman, Director of Officiating Stephen Walkom, Security Officer Miles Anderson and this is attorney Leslie Ryans.” You furrowed an eyebrow further growing confused, “What’s going on coach?” Coach Ruff blew out a deep breath, “Over the past 2 days a lot of rumors have been circulating regarding you and some unacceptable behavior.” You frowned, “I haven’t seen anything, what are you referring to?”

Coach Ruff slid a folder across the desk and you stared at the papers inside. It was printed out screenshots from a Twitter account. The tweet was from Nico’s current girlfriend, Julia. It went in depth of an alleged assault she experienced because at your hands because you were jealous of her and her relationship with Nico. You frowned as you shut the folder and dropped it on the desk, “Coach you don’t seriously believe I could do that, do you?”

Coach Ruff shook his head, “This was not the decision made by just me Y/N. This was all the coaching staff here’s decision. Along with Director Walkom. But most importantly this was Commissioner Bettman’s decision. It looks bad for the organization. I’m sorry but the only choice I have is to remove you from my roster and tell you that you are barred from the team and the NHL as a whole for the foreseeable future.”

You shook your head as you stood up, feeling your voice raise, “This is unfair to me. You all just sat behind a closed door and unanimously decided that my career and my reputation were worthless while you believed baseless claims about me that have nothing to back them up?” You ran a hand over your damp cheeks, “How the hell is this fair to me?”

Coach Ruff shook his head, “It’s out of my hands. Pack your stuff.” You shook your head, “How can you do this to me? To reach deep inside of me and pull out everything I have ever worked for and throw it on the ground so carelessly? I resent it.”

A sob wracked through your chest as you took a deep breath, “This is bullshit. I shouldn’t have left Germany, I can’t believe your taking the last piece of my dad away from me. I resent that and I resent you all for that.” You opened the door to the office and were met with Nico, Jack and Luke sporting solemn expressions. Your eyes were bloodshot and stained with tears.

You walked past them and began to empty the contents of your locker. Nico spoke quietly, “Are you okay?” You glared at him as you dropped some of you items into the box, “Like you care.” You dropped the last items in your box as you began to untape the photos of you and your dad and your friends in various places. You picked up your box, the past 4 years of your life amounting to a single box. You sighed as you walked past Nico, “Keep your lying ass bitch away from me. Or god help me it won’t be a rumor anymore.”

Nico frowned at your words, “What the hell is she talking about?” Luke let out a defeated sigh, “This.” He handed Nico his phone as Nico slowly digested the information he was reading. He handed Luke his phone as he found himself driving to Julia’s house. The door opened and Julia smiled widely at the sight of her boyfriend, “Hi baby!” Nico’s tense demeanor didn’t shift, “Why would you post that? I know that’s a lie, why?” Julia’s face paled, “Why do you care? It’s not about you!”

Nico scoffed, “Because you just got her fired for good. She’s banned from the NHL, not just fined. This was the most important thing to her. Why would you do that?” Julia’s voice lowered, sounding similar to a small child who was in trouble, “Jack asked me to get rid of her.” Nico’s eyes widened, “What?” Julia’s eyes watered, “Jack told me that if I didn’t find a way to get her off the team he would tell you about me and Dawson.” Nico raised an eyebrow, “What about you and Dawson?” Julia sniffled, “We hooked up at that party Jack threw.” Nico scoffed, “I don’t care. We’re over, fix this.”

A good month had passed and you had finally accepted that you were done in the NHL. You were packing up your apartment in New Jersey so you could move home to Germany with your grandparents and finally start school. Your phone rang, you frowned slightly as you read Nico’s name across the screen and answered, “Hey what’s up?” Nico’s soft voice filled your ears, “Check Twitter.” You frowned as you opened the Twitter app on your phone when Nico hung up.

You frowned as your phone began to ring endlessly, teams leaving voicemails telling you that they’d love to have you, Coach Ruff leaving messages apologizing and asking you to return. A message from Nico made you smile briefly. He told you to do what you already knew to do. You smiled as you typed out a quick response ‘I did. Check Twitter’

[livwritesstuff]

Hi, you once had a post about Steves Dad dying and Steve and his mom kind of reconnecting... how did that first meeting between her and the kids but also with Eddie go? And is it a stable relationship or kinda like it was with Steve, fizzling out and just popping in whenever?

I really love this AU, excited for more AO3 content tbh ♡♡♡

Happy Pride!

<3

so the thing about Steve’s mom is that she knew everything. Steve never stopped reaching out at any point between when his parents fully cut communication with him (1993) and when they finally contacted him again (when his dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in ‘09). Sure, Steve stopped calling after a while because they never picked up, but he wrote letters, he invited them to everything, he sent the kids’ school photos and holiday cards  – he sort of adopted the approach of “You aren’t in my life because you’re actively deciding not to be. I am leaving the door open; you are choosing to not step through it”.

Steve’s EQ is pretty high. He can see the nuance in the situation – the estrangement was mostly his dad’s doing, but he also knows that his mom chose to align with him instead of her son. She could have made a different choice.

Case in point – on one occasion, she actually did.

Back in ‘04, when Steve and Eddie had first moved into their house, Steve invited his parents to the housewarming party just like he invited them to everything even though he knew they wouldn’t show.

Lo and behold – his mom showed.

She met Eddie and Moe (three at the time) and Robbie (not quite one yet), and then she left and Steve didn’t hear from her again until five years later when she called to tell Steve about his father’s diagnosis.

After his father passed away, Steve worked with his mom to make sure she’s comfortable in the aftermath of everything. He helps her relocate closer to where he and his family live because by that point she's made it pretty clear that she wants to be in his life again.

As far as meeting Eddie and the girls – it goes fine. The thing about polite society is that it’s dripping in pleasantries. Steve’s mom is sweet as pie to Eddie, and she dotes on the kids, which, sure, Steve is happy about, but what he really wants is to have a conversation about the choices she'd made over the years and how they hurt him.

She’s not interested in that though, and while that’s the case, Steve keeps their relationship distant and surface-level, and he definitely keeps her at an arm’s reach from Eddie and the girls because he doesn’t want to allow his kids to start thinking that it’s fine for people to slot in and out of their lives whenever it’s convenient, and he doesn’t want Eddie to think he’d ever let slide the way she responded to finding out about their relationship.

(Even though Eddie forever maintains that, “Steve, the only thing your parents did to me was give me you. You’re the only one here they actually hurt” but, again, Steve is The Martyr of all time, so he has some trouble seeing that).

In the “hierarchy of grandmothers”, so to speak, Joyce 100% reigns supreme because she’s been around from the beginning and they’ve seen the maternal-like relationship she has with Steve their entire lives, which I think Steve’s mom definitely has an awareness of but, again, she can’t exactly bring it up without bringing up the way her actions caused the situation and without acknowledging that the reason Joyce and Steve have that kind of relationship is because of the choices she made.

[forever-fixating]

RWRB Appreciation Month Bingo: Side Character

For @rwrbsource and @rwrbmovie's RWRB Appreciation Month Bingo: Side Character

Side Character: Shaan

Author's Note: I really love Shaan as a character because you can tell he doesn't adhere strictly to royal protocol and does what he can to support Henry. This ficlet delves into one possible reason why.

"What's on the agenda today, Shaan?"

The equerry humored his charge and pulled up the schedule on his iPad. Ever since the Duke was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer, his schedule, usually packed with charity appearances or state functions, had been whittled down to chemotherapy treatments and time with his youngest son, Henry. His heart ached for the young royal. Shaan took up the position of the Duke's equerry after his predecessor died unexpectedly six years ago. Of his three children, he noticed that Arthur doted on his youngest the most. Phillip and Bea seemed more independent and extroverted, but Shaan observed how Henry struggled with royal expectations as he got older. As a result, the Duke took special care to encourage the young man's interests.

"Your regular nurse should be in soon for your treatment," Shaan read. "Your attorney will be at two o'clock to finalize your will, and Prince Henry said he would be here no later than five."

"I actually wanted to talk to you about Henry." Arthur gestured to the chair next to his bed. "Please have a seat."

Shaan took the offered seat, curious about where this conversation would take them. Arthur wasn't the typical royal. Perhaps that was because of his working-class background. As a fellow Welshman, he remembered feeling an odd sort of pride watching the former Bond actor marry the princess with his family back in the 80s. Their love story was a fairytale come to life. It was tragic to know that it would be cut short.

Once Shaan settled, Arthur gave him a brittle smile and said, "As my life comes rapidly to a close, I worry about my family, especially my youngest."

Shaan didn't rush to correct the man, which he knew was appreciated. The Duchess was still in deep denial. She spoke often with the nurses who came to administer treatments about his progress, her tone desperate for hope. While each of the children put on brave faces, Shaan could tell they saw the truth of the situation.

"What can I do?" Shaan asked. Shaan would do all he could if he could provide even a modicum of peace to this man.

Arthur shifted against the mass of pillows behind him. "I know that there are certain protocols when it comes to appointments. That being said, I am going to do my goddamned best to ensure you're Henry's equerry when it comes time for him to require one."

Shaan was stunned. It was overwhelming that Arthur valued him enough to entrust the care of his son to him. Setting his iPad aside, he stammered, "Sir, I...I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," Arthur replied. "I've enjoyed working with you. You don't follow blindly; you have found ways to question tradition and protocol. My Henry will need someone like that in his corner."

Shaan looked down at his hands. Not for the first time, he thought how unfair it was that such a genuinely good man was about to be separated from his family. Collecting himself, he looked at the dying man and said, "I will do what I can on my end as well, sir. Your son will be in good hands."

Later that afternoon, the prince arrived with an armful of books and Arthur's favorite snacks. The Duke had little appetite most days but was more willing to eat when it wasn't a bland protein smoothie. The Prince gave Shaan a small smile and said, "Hello, Shaan. How is he today?"

"As good as can be expected, sir," Shaan replied. "How are you?"

Henry shrugged and looked down at the box of Jaffa Cakes in his arms. "Taking it day by day, I suppose."

Recalling Arthur's words, Shaan said, "Should you need anything, don't hesitate to ask me for help, sir. I...I know the pain you're about to endure."

Henry's eyes shot up. It was the closest they had come to acknowledging how dire Arthur's condition was. He licked his dry lips and asked, his voice so very timid, "Who did you...?"

"My mother," Shaan replied softly, "when I was twenty-five."

Henry nodded and looked away. After a moment, he thanked Shaan and headed to his father's room.

A/N- Me coming in hot with the angst again. My muse loved the idea of Shaan working with Arthur before, and that was why he and Henry were so in sync. And before I forget, Happy RWRB Premiere Day! I cannot believe it has been a year since this movie came out!

Check out this post and join the fun in celebrating the one-year anniversary of our little romcom that could being released!

[ascendingaeons]

The Story Behind My "Hymn to Sekhmet"

I was very surprised with how much traction my Hymn to Sekhmet has gotten… so I decided to share the story behind it. This might be quite long, but I think a lot of you would appreciate it.

I have been an eclectic pagan for most of my life. Heathenry was my focus in that sense that I worked with the Vanir and studied runology since I was fifteen. Kemeticism was my passion since childhood, but I was never formally a devotee. I pretty much worked exclusively with Set for most of my life. Our relationship is somewhere between father and son and student and guide. In the summer of 2020, I decided to finally set up a Kemetic altar.

It comprised of three statues and three candles on a small, very old nightstand and was otherwise unadorned. One statue was to Set, another to Bast, and the third to Sekhmet. I focused exclusively on Set and Bast for a while. I was afraid of Sekhmet. I read every book I could find about Her and they nearly all had one thing in common about a Sekhmet-based practice: if you cannot do it yourself, do not ask Her about it. That really intimidated me to the point I took Her statue down several times before it earned a permanent place.

One day in September of 2020 I finally prayed to Sekhmet with an offering of cold water. I felt a circular window of fire about 16 inches in diameter open up in front of my face just above my altar. It felt hot, like the heat of a campfire. I felt that She was looking at me. After a few seconds, the window disappeared. I didn’t interact with Her for a while after that.

In November of 2020, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He was given six months to live and chemotherapy was prescribed. I was immediately thrust into the role of caregiver. I drove my dad to and from chemotherapy, gave him his meds and food, helped him to the bathroom, cleaned him up, and anything else I could do. I was awake for about 22 hours a day for six months, even with the help of a hospice company.

One night, when my dad was on respite (what hospice companies call when a patient is sent to a nursing home for a few days so the caregiver can recover), I felt… really bad. I felt alone, afraid, numb, and lost. Without any offering or formality, I prayed to Bast. I asked Her to just stay with me. I suddenly felt myself wrapped up in a blanket of what felt like bubblegum-pink energy. It felt like stuffed animals, cotton candy, a fuzzy quilt, and just… pure love. I later learned that this describes the higher heart chakra’s energy but to me, it was just Bast. She hugged me like that for about an hour until She decided I was okay, and then, very much like a cat, She left.

The days went on with barely any sleep, a lot of emergencies and scares, until one day my dad was finally asleep. It was around four in the afternoon. I was thinking a lot about Sehkmet at this point and Her domain of healing. It was very near and dear to my heart. At the time I was thinking of going back to school to finish my psychology degree and become a counselor. I took the time to get cold water in a nice glass and some fresh bread I had delivered that morning. I put it all on a golden plate I ordered for my altar.

I prayed to Sekhmet, solemnly and respectfully, naming Her Epithets and offering praise in addition to water and bread. I asked… that She let everything be okay and help me to be a better caregiver to my dad. The sad thing is, I was very hard on myself. I felt like I was not doing enough but I later found out that every nurse and social worker from the hospice company had, individually and separately, reported to the company’s administrator in high praise of me. I didn’t know then that some caregivers are really horrible to the point of neglect and abuse. I was doing the best I could in a situation that was out of my control and was given a level of praise that floored me.

After concluding my prayer, I lay down in my bed next to my altar. I was lying on my side when suddenly Sekhmet’s etheric body manifested beside me. I could feel it and somewhat see it with my third eye. She started to rub my back as I lay there. Her hand felt like the sun’s heat reflected off of water, a sensation I knew well from fishing in summer. It felt almost like fire but one that would never burn me. As She rubbed my back, I felt Her head come next to mine. I felt Her face, soft and bristly, next to my left ear as She began to speak words I couldn’t hear. I could even feel the heat from Her breath.

Unlike Bast, Sekhmet stuck around. She followed me everywhere for the next two days. It hadn’t really sunk in yet but I had received what, for me, was irrefutable proof of the Gods’ love. Set was with me my entire life, my teacher and friend. Bast and Sekhmet creaked open the door to theurgy a little bit more. It wasn’t until my Reiki Attunement ceremony that the door was blown clean off its hinges when over a dozen Netjeru physically manifested. During my Attunement, Bast held my left hand and Sekhmet held my right. By the end of the ceremony, the two were hugging me as I lay on my teacher’s table.

As I began working with the Netjeru in my shamanic practice, Sekhmet communicated something to me. She asked me to offer Her my pain and fear. And so I wrote that hymn on what was proving to be a very hard day.

I can never go back to a world where the Gods do not exist or do not love us completely, irrevocably, and unconditionally. My relationship with the Netjeru is one of mutual loyalty, love, admiration, and service. For all intents and purposes, I am a new Kemetic. I have studied Egyptology since I was seven years old and regarded Kemet as a far-flung home, a feeling that has never left my heart since it ignited there when I was a toddler. But that is a story for another day.

Well… that is my story. I hope it finds you well!

Dua Sekhmet! Dua Netjeru!

Image is “Sekhmet Devotional” by Valoreanthes. A Mother Lioness and Her cub, a side of Sekhmet far too often overlooked.

[toastedkiwi]

How was intern life growing up?

It was pretty normal until she was ten. Her mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She died. Her dad died when she was 14 after they were in a car wreck going up to look up Ivy League schools for her. She knows for a fact he would’ve been alive if the doctors hadn’t forgotten about him. She’s got her grandpa though and he’s a very grumpy man which is why she can easily handle Bruce’s and Damian’s grumpiness.

[masked-alien-lesbian]

Hiiii I'd LOVE to know more about verity and Aislinn 👁️👄👁️ any tidbits or fun facts or just why you decided to pair them specifically, I love them

Hi! 😁 Ah, Aislinn and my vampire OC Verity!

I just took my mc I use in LOA, hc them as nonbinary and imagined them as a vampire. I wondered how a vampire could navigate NYC and a law firm. I also imagined how Aislinn would react to finding out that they're a vampire. Asked @sazanes to do a commission of them and voila...the hc was born!

Despite the fact that Verity looks like a Blood bound vampire, I'm not 100% sure my version of this LOA and vampire Verity coexist with the BB universe. As much as I love Lily and Kamilah, I really didn't want to have to deal with the Vampire Clans and all their territories and strict rules with this AU so I just say this hc isn't part of the BB universe. (Also the reason why Verity can live in NYC which has an average of 234 days of some sunshine, is because they have a bracelet that gives them partial immunity to the sun. They're able to walk around in the sun without burning but it does make them weak and it isn't comfortable for them.)

Verity Wright's Past:

Verity is actually a very young vampire, a baby vamp, most older vampires would call them. They're less than 100 years old, in fact, Verity is in their early 70s, born in the 1950s. Aislinn teasingly calls them her "boomer," or "boomer baby."

Verity's birth mother was a young teen who gave birth to Verity and left them at a Chicago Illinois hospital. A kind nurse named Gena Wright adopts the baby Verity even though she's a vampire.

Verity grew up in a happy home and even went to law school. But in 1985, at age 31 they were beaten and left to die by gang members they were trying to bring to justice. Thankfully Gena found them and not wanting to let them go, she turned them.

Verity took becoming a vampire very well. They were aware of the existence of vampires so it wasn't much of shock to them. The hardest part for them was coming to terms with their blood lust and how that put them behind in their career. Gena and Verity moved to a rural area of Montana so Verity could isolate themselves and gradually gain control. Eventually they were able to coexist with humans and go back to law school, and become an associate. This is where Sadie McGraw finds them. (Kinda explains how the MC is so good at being a lawyer lol, Verity is older than Sadie)

Timeline of Aislinn x Verity:

The 2 date for over a year and half before moving in together and 3 years before Verity proposed to Aislinn.

They're the power couple lawyers of NYC, with a staggering amount of wins between the two of them.

Originally Aislinn decided to wait until she hit her 50s before being turned but when she is diagnosed at 46 with pancreatic cancer she asks to be turned. She learns how to control her blood lust very quickly for a fledgling vampire and the two reinvent their lives as lawyers and sometimes law professors throughout the centuries.

If you got anymore questions, please feel free to ask! I love getting asks about my headcanons. Hope you have a great day! 😁

[thinkof-england]

Several Sentence Sunday

Alright so I've been putting off participating in anything writing wise because I don't a fun banner or anything and you know what? If I keep waiting for the "right" time to happen to start sharing my writing process, I'll never start, so fuck it. No pretty banner, but here's my first Several Sentence Sunday!

Thank you for the tags @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @duchessdepolignaca03 @getmehighonmagic and @meraki-yao!

This is from my Royally Big Bang fic that is inspired by the book (and movie) The Idea of You.

"

By the time Henry got the kids checked in at the hotel, it was only 2pm, but he was exhausted. All three of the kids wanted to go up to the pool, which was on the roof of their hotel, however, so Henry got changed and sat himself under an umbrella reading in a lounger while they splashed around, talking so animatedly about anything and everything important to 15-year-olds. Their carefree nature left him in a state of awe at points, they were all so uninhibited and so happy and the love they felt for each other was palpable. As much as Henry hated Elliot, he would always be so thankful that they’d created Amelia together. She was the ultimate product of their love and affection and no matter what, she represented the best in them both. 

Dinner was uneventful, at least for Henry. He’d booked them a reservation at a more upscale restaurant on Miami Beach, wanting to indulge them all a little, but especially Amelia. Some would call it spoiling his daughter, but he had the means to give her experiences he’d cherished with his father as a kid, so he would continue to do so. 

Growing up, he’d hated being in the spotlight so much, but it was inevitable seeing as his father was James Bond himself, Arthur Fox. They’d relocated to Los Angeles when Henry was only 8, though they went back to England often enough to visit his mother, Catherine’s, now deceased horror of a mother. There’d been no love lost there when Mary had died of a heart attack shortly before Arthur was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when Henry was 14. He liked to joke that him coming out was what killed his bigot of a grandmother, but Arthur hated that. He’d always made sure Henry knew how much he was loved and how the person he was was enough, and he didn’t like assigning blame for an untimely death upon his son coming into his own."

No pressure tagging @bigassbowlingballhead @eusuntgratie @inexplicablymine @sparklepocalypse @firenati0n @i-am-freyja and anyone else who wants to join! Tag me if you do so I can read what you share!

[scotianostra]

Musician Musician Graeme Hunter Kelling passed away on June 10th 2014 in Glasgow.

Graeme was the original guitarist with Deacon Blue..

Born in Paisley, and brought up in Mount Vernon in the East End of Glasgow, Kelling always had a passion for music. A self-taught guitarist, he joined his first band, Tune Cookies, in the early 1980s. Kelling developed his technique while working as a session musician. He performed with numerous groups before auditioning for Deacon Blue in 1986.

Deacon Blue became one of Scotland’s biggest acts in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Taking its name from a Steely Dan song, the band consisted of Kelling, Ricky Ross, Lorraine McIntosh, Dougie Vipond, Jim Prime and Ewen Vernal. Deacon Blue had numerous chart hits like “Dignity,” “Fergus Sings the Blues” and “Real Gone Kid,” before breaking up in 1994.

The group reunited five years later and released the album, “Walking Back Home.” In the interim, Kelling wrote and produced theme music for television as well as running his own recording studio. He also wrote restaurant reviews and contributed to Scotland The Best, a travel almanac compiled by Peter Irvine.

Deacon Blue did a reunion gig in 1999 and this led on to a new album, Kelling was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer but continued on with the band.

Graeme dealt with his illness with dignity, courage and characteristic dry humour. Friends will recall his passion for life, his sensitivity to others, his capacity to give and receive love and his devotion to his family, who brought him such joy.

Graeme’s final appearance with Deacon Blue took place on March 26 2004 at the Glasgow Academy, he passed away on June 10th same year, he was aged 47.

Rather than pick a song of my choice as I normally do I thought it more fitting to post the bands own tribute to him in 2014 , the lyric for the song is lovely and certainl shows how he was appreciated and loved.......

I was hoping you’d come back I was looking for a chance To gather up some photographs and laughs To give to you So I drove the long road back Just to hear one last remark Or maybe just an old gag Like “they always get the fat guy in the end.” In the end In the end Sun goes down And the stars come out And the world keeps on turning In the end I know you couldn’t see But I was there to watch you sleep And I figured out Jesus was wanting you more You’d told me what was bad And told me if I was good At last, too Late I understood Cause they’ll always Leave the loser And they always pick a winner Cause they always take the good guy In the end In the end Sun goes down And the stars come out And the world keeps on turning In the end

[xoxoemynn]

Alluded to this post yesterday. Just some releasing into the void/explanation for potential quietness, cw: talk of terminal illnesses

In December 2021 my Aunt B lost a nearly 10 year battle with Alzheimer's.

Right around that same time my Aunt M was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

My Aunt M is one of the kindest people I know. She's also aggressively positive and leans heavily on her faith, so it can be difficult to get an accurate update on how she's doing.

However, it became clear in the past two weeks she has taken a turn for the worse. It's not at the point where the end is imminent, but the optimism for having more years with her is greatly diminished. She won't beat the cancer; it's just a question of how much longer her body can hold out.

My dad wanted to visit her before she got worse, so he went to see her this past weekend. I was his chauffeur to/from the train station. He came back looking very shaken. I don't think he was expecting her to be as weak as she was.

Last night Aunt M was admitted to the hospital with an infection. We don't have much in the way of updates yet.

While he was gone, I was also going back and forth to my mom's. She has a number of physical ailments herself, including some daily care she can't tend to herself. It took a lot of coordination/trust for her to be able to be without my dad for a few days and for me to take care of her.

To top it off, Aunt B's widower, who was diagnosed with lung cancer back in 2003 and given a year to live but managed to keep on kicking, opted in the past week to stop chemo and enter palliative care.

Flip side, my 104 year old great aunt is still going strong and told my 76 year old dad he looks very young. She had TMNT on while my dad visited her.

All this is to say, it was a very heavy weekend. I was so busy for most of it that it didn't really hit me until Monday when things calmed down and now I've just walking around in a cloud of sadness. To be clear, I was never super close with my aunts/uncles, although, like I said, my Aunt M is just outrageously kind and her diagnosis was heartbreaking. But I especially feel horrible for my dad, who's probably losing both of his younger sisters in a span of a few years. I'm thinking a lot about my own parents' mortality and what that means and how we'll take care of them once one of them goes. I'm extremely aware there's not really much that can be done, other than to make sure everyone knows they're loved and provide as much comfort as we can. There just seems to be this cloud of illness and death and sadness hanging over my family. It's.......heavy.

I took a last minute PTO today to decompress a bit, and I do overall feel like more of a human. But if I'm quieter in the coming [insert duration of time here], that's why. The sadness just feels inescapable right now.

[morganas-pendragons]

I want to tell a story about one of the best people I knew. Because he died today.

And he was one of the few people who pushed me to pursue my creative passion.

This is long and personal. Dont by any means feel like you have to read it. I just want it here for myself to come back to.

I moved to Illinois in August of 2016. Not long after, I was informed about a standing tradition in Indiana called The Covered Bridge Festival. I was intrigued. And since my mom was going, 18 year old me decided to tag along.

I remember walking down the main road of this event and finding a giant banner that said, “WALKING DEAD ART” on a barn nearby. I was perplexed. It was an antique show. What on Earth is art from my favorite show doing here?

So I went in and was greeted with the most beautiful art I have ever seen. I still hold to that, to this day. I remember walking into that booth and gazing upon that art: Art drawn by a man much older than me who saw the world in only black and white.

Hence his social media presence: the black and white guy.

I was so lonely at the time I had done this. I had just moved to a new state, had left everything I had ever known, to follow my family to a town I hated. And I was so lonely. So bad off. I just felt very.. lost.

I’ll never forget his response. Once I told him I also was a fan of the show, he asked me about that, and then I proceeded to spend the next three hours explaining my OC that I had written just for the purpose of Carol being able to keep a child.

Three hours. He listened to me talk about this for three hours. By the time my mom was ready to leave, she found me still in the barn, still talking his ear off. And he heard every word. I left that barn the same day with so much art and promises to return the following year.

Eventually I came to his booth so often that he started giving me his art at a huge discount because I was “such a devoted fan” (or something along this line) and it was so nice solely for this reason: despite him being an artist and me being a writer, we pushed each others creative passions. I was constantly asking him for art from different shows we both loved.

The last time I vividly remember seeing him was before he was diagnosed with cancer. My mother told me that he was coming over to the house but wouldn’t say why. I was so confused. I only met the man once a year, and now he’s coming to my parents house? Why?

This man, knowing my love for Carol Peletier, took one of his original art pieces of Melissa McBride and put it in this gorgeous frame. To give to me.

For free. Because he wanted to.

“I know how much you love her.”

At this point, I had spent probably 5-6 years expressing my love for Carol and Melissa every time we met. I only missed the festival once due to being too far away and in college. He’d driven from his little town in Indiana to give me this drawing, which now sits on my wall in my apartment. So do his drawings of Daenerys and Wanda.

I was working this morning when I went home for lunch. I had just prayed for him. He had been battling cancer something fierce, which caused him to miss the art show in October of 2023. His wife was there in his stead.

I haven’t been thrown off guard like I was this morning since 2015, when my choir teacher suddenly died of pancreatic cancer. All I saw was a picture of angel wings on his Instagram, and the words: Robin left.

He was gone. Just like that, just after I had gotten home for lunch. I lost my appetite. I lost my energy. I just… feel so defeated. I haven’t experienced death a lot in my life. Every time I do, it’s with someone like this. Someone who teaches me something so crucial, so beautiful, that end up passing away anyway.

My choir teacher in 2015 was the start of embracing my passion for much.

Robin in 2016 was the start of me properly embracing my passion for writing.

So.. Robin… thank you. I am so grateful for you and so heartbroken that you’re gone.

[summermil]

𝑡𝑤𝑜 ❀

𝑟𝑎𝑓𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑜𝑛 𝑥 𝑓𝑒𝑚 𝑜𝑐

𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: 𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑏𝑎𝑑 𝑓𝑎𝑟𝑡𝚑𝑒𝑟, 𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑦 𝑏𝑖𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑠𝑡, 𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑡𝚑.

𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ꕤ

𝑤𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑝𝑎𝑑ೀ

her hair danced in the wind. the cooling feel of the sea breeze hitting her face was enough to distract her from her current predicament. in her room. grounded. for two whole weeks.

it was monday now, and after spending the rest of the weekend in her bedroom, she decided she'd had enough. she was going to disobey her dad's orders and sneak out.

she knew he'd gone to work, but since this was his new job, she had no idea when he'd come back. she wasn't even sure what he did. but she didn't bother worrying about that, as long as she doesn't bump into him during her escape plan, she'll be good as gold.

her room didn't have a lock on it yet, luckily, so she gently pulled open the door. the awful creaking sound echoed through the whole hallway, and she hoped she hadn't disturbed her mom.

the girl danced across the landing and down the stairs, making sure to be as quiet as possible, but when she rounded the corner in the kitchen, she was met with a fright. someone was stood in the kitchen.

she clambered backwards, knocking into the wall in the process, letting a small "ow" slip from her mouth.

"angel?" a small voice called out.

"mom?" was that really her mother calling for her, or had she gone insane?

the blonde peaked round the corner, and sure enough, leant on the kitchen island - was her mom.

"mom!" she exclaimed in shock "what are you doing down here. god, you scared me" a deep breath escaped from her lungs. 

"i was down here the whole time, honey." she chuckled slightly, though it sounded painful.

"i thought you should be resting?"

"yeah well.. your dads out. thought i might get some exercise before he comes back and locks me back up again" angel knew she was joking, but deep down she also knew - it was the truth. 

5 years ago, the doctors diagnosed angels mom, isabelle, with pancreatic cancer. it was rare, she was only young. they didn't know how she developed it, they said she was healthy, so the chances of her becoming cancer free were large. but quickly, they descended. 

every doctor's visit, every hospital appointment, all told them the same thing. they couldn't help her. the cancer had spread too far, and as much as the family pleaded with the doctors, they just couldn't do anything to help her. that was nearly 3 years ago. the hospital warned the family of the life expectancy. so, that's why they moved to the outerbanks.

her dad said it was a fresh start, her mom had always loved the beach. when angel was growing up, she was given the nickname jelly. her mom had started it, taking inspiration from the jellyfish that always washed up on her home town beach.

angel took that as a motto in life. she never let anyone close enough to sting her. maybe that wasn't good for her. that's why she liked this fresh start, new experiences, new people, she hoped it would be better than the last.

deep down though, she was upset. she knew the only reason they moved here was because her mom was dying. she didn't have very long left to live, and she wanted to be by the beach for her final months.

angel was angry. angry at the world for trying to take her mom away from her. she knew she'd have to live with her dad, but she had hope her mom would hold on, she had hope that they would run away together - her, tommy and her mom- then start a new life somewhere away from all the pain. but that was more of a dream.

the days we're getting closer and closer, the ticking sound of a clock echoed in her head when she thought about it. but, it wasn't happening now, her mom was alive, in fact, she was stood right in front of her.

"hey" the same voice snapped her out of her trance. "didn't your dad say you were grounded? i heard something along those lines, but i was so dosed up on pain meds.. i didn't really understand"

"no...no" the girl denied it. "he might have been talking to tommy, definitely wasn't talking to me" her voice went higher at the end. she knew her mom suspected something, but alas - she let her off.

"alright.." the older woman yawned, stretching her joints and wincing slightly when she pushed them too far. 

"i'm gonna go out, mom. is that okay?" angel asked, praying the slight waver in her voice wasn't a giveaway. 

"now?"

"yeah..i.. ya know, i just thought i'd explore the island" 

her mom snorted "well, maybe if you didn't spend all day in your bedroom yesterday, you could have gone out then"

angel thought she'd caught on to her lie, she was ready to accept defeat and head back to her bedroom.

"but, of course, you can go out jelly, just be safe.. okay?"

she almost cheered. "yes mom, thanks, i love you, bye" the rushed string of words left her mouth as she grabbed the house keys off the rack and practically sprinted out the front door. finally free.

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊

the sound of the waves crashing were comforting. when she was little, the only way she could fall asleep was with the sounds of the sea echoing around her room. she grew out of it, but the noise always seemed to bring her comfort.

so did the feeling of sand on her feet, the wind in her hair, the salty taste of the ocean. 

perched on a rock, angel began thinking. how her life could have been different. she wished she could turn back time, undo her mistakes and maybe even fight for her mother a bit more. she always believed it was her fault she was dying. she's dying. her mom is dying and there is absolutely nothing she can do about it.

salty tears rolled down her face. she just wanted life to be normal- why couldn't anything go her way? she wrapped her arms around herself in comfort, shaking on a rock in the middle of the beach.

"hey" it was quiet, barely there. angel ignored it at first, probably just another voice her head had made up. 

"hey, are you alright?" it was louder this time, whoever was speaking was close.

the girl turned around cautiously, but instead of a threat being behind her, it was another girl. her brown eyes locked onto angels blue ones, the girl's eyes were caring, kind. she had dirty blonde hair and as angel recognised she was not a threat, she also noticed her mouth moving.

everything seemed to come crashing back on her then. the sound of the waves, the chill of the air and the question that was coming out of this stranger's mouth. angel shot up onto her feet, frantically wiping the tears from her face and forcing a fake smile. 

"are you alright? you didn't answer for a second" the girl asked.

"uh, yeah I'm o-okay" she winced at her voice cracking, scolding herself for showing vulnerability to a stranger.

"I'm sarah" she gave a friendly smile. "i don't think I've seen you around before"

"uh no, i- we just moved here" for fucks sake angel, speak like a normal person "im angel, nice to meet you"

"cool... where do you live?" sarah responded.

angel thought it was a bit strange to give a stranger her address, she hadn't even known this girl for a minute. but she trusted her for some reason. her mom's words swam around in her head.

'don't let them get too close angel, they'll leave you with a horrible sting'

"i know that's a strange question" the other girl laughed, taking angels silence as an answer. "you don't have to answer if you don't want to"

fuck it, she decided. she wanted to make new friends? well, she had to start here. so, she told the stranger her address.

sarah looked shocked for a second, before her face lit up in excitement. "are you serious?" she had a hint of a smile pulling at her lips.

angel couldn't help but feel a small smile form on her face as well. maybe the people around here were nice, maybe moving here was a good decision. 

"yeah, we moved in about.. 3 days ago"

"we're neighbours!" sarah exclaimed, happily.

"oh my god, really?" angel matched her energy.

"yes, how did i not notice" she threw her hands in the air.

"do you- do you have a brother?" angel couldn't help but ask, the guy she'd seen on the motorbike that night, had to be part of her family, right?

"yeah, i live with my dad, his wife, my brother and my younger sister" 

"i think i saw your dad.. and your brother" angel hoped sarah didn't think she was trying to pry out information about him. 

"yeah.. they don't get along well" the girl's mood changed slightly and angel noticed a shift in the air.

"i don't get along with my dad either, he favourites my younger brother more" 

"is it just you, your brother and your dad?" 

"no.. my moms with us too, she's just... ill at the moment"

sarah gave a sympathetic smile, "i hope she gets better"

"thanks" her words hit angel like a ton of bricks. she won't get better, she's dying, she won't survive, she won't li-

"hey, me and my friends are hanging out down the other end of the beach. wanna join?" the brown eyed girl asked, extending her hand for angel to take.

new people? maybe she could make some more friends. "sure, why not" she smiled, grabbing her newfound friend's hand and letting her drag her down the beach.

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊

the two girls had made it about halfway back down the beach when sarah noticed angel was shivering and had her arms wrapped around herself for warmth, she wondered if the new girl just wasn't used to the coastal wind chill. so she offered up her jacket. 

"take this" she said after she slipped off the jacket to hand it to her new friend.

"are you sure?" angel asked, "i don't want you to get cold."

"I've lived here all my life angel, I'm used to it"

"okay, thanks" angel took the jacket with a small smile, slipping it over her shoulders. she then noticed something in the distance, a bright orange glow. almost like a fire? she looked around realising just how long she had been out. the sun was setting, leaving a beautiful reflection on the water. but it was getting dark, hence the fire in the distance. 

"do you see that?" she asked sarah, pointing her shaky hand in the direction of the light, realising that she'd been out so long and forgotten to have breakfast that morning.

"yeah" she replied back, happily. "that's my friends, come on" she chuckled before jogging in the direction of the fire.

angel could see them now, there was 4 other people sat on logs around a mini camp fire. she didn't run to catch up with sarah. she just picked up her pace a bit, letting her feet drag through the sand. 

the warmth from the fire was much appreciated by angel when she walked up next to the log sarah had sat herself on. she had sat by a boy with grown out shaggy hair, he was wearing a shirt and by the looks of how cosy him and sarah seemed, she could only assume that was her boyfriend. there was no room on that certain seat so angel casted her eyes around. the next available space was by the only other girl. she had darker skin and her hair held beautiful curls.

"guys this is my friend, angel, i met her.. just now, we're neighbours!" sarah beamed out to her friends. nobody said anything, but now all eyes were on her.

"uh, hi im... yeah, I'm angel" she gave an awkward wave cursing herself for not being able to talk to people at all.

"so.. you're a kook" the girl with the curls asked, crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance.

"kiara!" sarah scolded, giving her a look.

"what's a.. kook?" angel was confused, what was a 'kook' and why did this kiara girl seem so bothered?

"you don't know?" the blonde guy sat farthest away spoke up. angel shook her head.

he sighed. "pope, get up" he guided the guy next to him to sit down next to kiara, patting the, now empty, log bedside him. "sit" he ordered angel, looking her in the eyes.

"okay.." angel was scared about this strange group of people. hell, she met sarah about half an hour ago and she thought she could trust her just because they're neighbours? shit. what have i got myself into? her eyes darted around nervously as she took a seat.

"jj" sarah warned, "be nice". 

be nice?  angel thought, suddenly panicking, looking around for any escape or another human who could save her. she was convinced they were going to kill her, on this secluded part of the beach where nobody was around. these thoughts quickly put a chill through her bones, making the warmth from the fire practically useless. she wrapped sarah's jacket around herself tighter, basking in the slight warmth it gave her.

a hand nudged against her arm, snapping her out of her daydream. once again she had gotten to overwhelmed and zoned out. the guy with messy blonde hair who sarah called 'jj' started speaking to her again. "are you good? you looked scared. c'mon, we're not that scary" he laughed a little.

angel, despite her thoughts, felt the corners of her mouth turn up a tiny bit. although she thought they might murder her, her flight or fight wasn't kicking in, she didn't have butterflies in her stomach and her gut instinct wasn't telling her to run. maybe she was okay. so, she muttered out an apology and reverted the conversation. 

"so.. what's a kook?"

everybody sighed, finally realising she actually didn't know what a kook was. they all drew their eyes to jj, he sighed before speaking up.

"there are two sides to this island, figure eight and the cut. the kooks.. and the pogues."

"okay? i still don't understand" angel didn't get any of this.

"the kooks are the rich families. they have nice houses, nice cars, big parties and lots of money"

"so your a kook" kiara spoke up. "and so is sarah" from the expression on her face angel could tell nobody in this circle liked the kooks.

"is that a bad thing?" 

"ye-"

"no!" sarah shouted over kiara. "being a kook is... fine."

"see the pogues and the kooks don't like each other.. it's like, a rivalry" jj carried on his explanation.

"why not?" the blonde girl asked.

"man, because-"

"because the kooks are stuck up pigs who have too much money and only care for themselves" kiara interrupted again, abruptly standing up from her seat and stomping off the beach. angel opened her mouth in shock. is she going to be known as a 'kook' now. she hoped not, how hard would it be to get people to like her after this reaction?

the boy who was addressed as 'pope' stood up and turned in the direction kiara had gone. "uh.. i better go.. check on her" he stuttered out, walking in her direction.

"yeah.. me too" jj said standing up to follow his friends. he waved awkwardly before scurrying off in the same direction.

angel turned back to sarah, bewildered at what just happened. sarah opened her mouth quickly to try and stop the hurt that washed over her new friend's face. but it was too late, as a tear had already fell from her eye. she untangled herself from john b and ran over to sit with the other kook.

"it's okay" she whispered, slinging an arm around angels shoulders. "she just.. overreacted, that's all" 

"i don't understand" tears ran down her face but her features kept expressionless, eyes glowing in the ambers of the fire as she stared into it. "why don't they like me"

"they do like you" the boy exclaimed from the other side. "they just.. don't trust new people"

angel's head fell into her hands, missing the look sarah had gave him. this day had gone worse to good to shit all over again. 'they don't trust new people'. what does that even mean?

"I'm sorry" she sniffled.

"why are you apologising? we should be saying sorry to you" sarah said

"you only met me like, half an hour ago.. now I'm crying into your arms"

sarah held her closer, rubbing her shoulder in a comforting manner. "it's okay, besides, i think I've known you longer than that. it's getting dark... we should go home, c'mon i'll walk you" she gave angel a friendly smile, guiding them both to stand up. 

"ill see you tomorrow john b.. bye" she bid goodbye to her boyfriend and, with her arm still around angel's shoulders, began walking back home. they walked back in a comforting silence. with sarah being slightly taller than the other girl, she was able to rest her head on her shoulders.

the walk wasn't long, so they arrived back quite quickly. sarah stopped them at the gates of angels house. she laughed slightly. "my dads gonna be pissed"

sarah looked at her with sympathy. "quick, go inside then, before he sees you"

"okay.. can i see you tomorrow?" angel asked, sheepishly.

"of course" sarah beamed. "come round whenever, okay" she searched for something in her pocket, pulling out a phone and handing it to her. "type your number in, ill text you" 

"okay.. here" angel typed in her number quickly, bidding goodbye to her new friend before scurrying up to her house.

the front door didn't squeak, luckily, considering the building was quite new. she tiptoed across the foyer and up the wooden staircase. at the top of the staircase, there was a table. a table with a vase. a table with a vase that she managed to bump into, creating a ringing sound across the house. she wasted no time bolting to her room, opening the door and collapsing on the bed in exhaustion. luckily, her mom and dad's room was up another story, although she was sure that wouldn't be for long, considering her mum was struggling to get up and down the first flight of stairs as it was.

she unwillingly pulled herself off the bed to change into something more comfy, realising she still had on sarah's jacket. as sleep engulfed her, she made a mental note to take it back tomorrow.

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊

outside her window, the bird chirped happily, angel woke up peacefully. then remembered the shenanigans that happened last night. letting out a loud groan, she pulled herself up from her bed and trudged to the bathroom, turning on the shower. she let the warm water engulf her body as she zoned out. eventually returning back to her room after she'd done her hair care, skin care and beauty routine. 

"angel" she heard from outside her door. 

she rolled her eyes "just a minute tommy" quickly throwing on some random clothes, she hesitantly twisted the door knob and cracked open the door, pondering what her younger brother was up to. but to her surprise, he didn't try to hit her with a hand full of whipped cream, or throw a ball at her face.

"yes? what do you need" she eyed him suspiciously.

"i saw you last night" he responded, cheekily.

"tommy" she scolded, dragging him by his shirt into her room. earning a series of 'ows' as she shut the door in a hurry. "keep your voice down, he'll hear"

"what?" the boy furrowed his brows. "he's at work, what are you talking about"

"huh?" angel picked up her phone, checking the time to see that it was indeed, one in the afternoon. she let her eyes scan down the screen. seeing a text from an unknown number. oh, it was sarah. she remembered she'd given the girl her phone number last night. but that also reminds her. the jacket. 

"tommy, I'm going out now okay, so..keep your mouth shut and be good" she pointed a finger at him.

"what's it for me" he asked

she sighed "what do you want"

he stood with his hands on his hips "i want to go to...that basketball court mom was telling me about!"

"alright, ill take you there" she begrudgingly agreed, not even thinking about the fact she was still grounded for 2 weeks. "now get out"

the boy sassily walked out, not before sticking his tongue out at his older sister, typical. she rolled her eyes and started picking out an outfit to go see her new friend again. also remembering to chuck the jacket over her shoulder to return.

she got down the stairs to the front door, hesitating before she opened it. "bye" she shouted into the house, hoping that her mom could hear her if she was awake. angel waited a minute but got no response, so she sighed and stepped out of the house, gently shutting the door behind her.

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊

the walk over to sarah's front gate was less than a minute. she'd walked quite fast though, itching to get away from her own house. she punched in the code that sarah had texted her, watching as the front gate peeled open to reveal a beautiful house with a wide balcony looking over the town. angel admired it as she wandered up to the front door.

when she arrived she spotted a small bell on the wall to the side, deciding to ring it instead. she doubted a small knock would be heard in a house like this. the bell echoed around the walls of the building. through the glass door, she could see a figure approaching, not clearly though - since the panels were frosted.

but the figure looked quite tall, she was confused for a second. until the door handle twisted and swung open to reveal a tall boy in a polo shirt with khaki shorts on. she craned her neck slightly to look up at him and her eyes widened in shock.

oh my god...

[eaglesnick]

“Of all forms of inequality, injustice in health is the most shocking and inhumane.” (Martin Luther King, Jr)

So, King Charles has cancer. Being someone who also had cancer he has my sympathy: I wish him and his family a happy outcome to his worrying news. Those who do not have my support are the media who have been making up all sorts of excuses for the Palace issuing this news and the seeming sudden blackout regarding UK cancer recovery rates which are some of the worst in Europe, and which were hitting the headlines only a few weeks ago.

If you believe the media, the Palace issued the statement revealing King Charles has cancer to give hope to other cancer suffers.

“Several experts have praised the King for sharing the health condition with the public saying it will encourage others to seek help for their potential cancer symptoms.”  (Daily Express: 06/02/24)

“His Majesty has chosen to share his diagnosis to prevent speculation and in the hope it may assist public understanding for all those around the world who are affected by cancer.”  (Buckingham Palace statement: 05/02/24)

How knowing the King has cancer can “assist public understanding" of the disease is beyond my comprehension. Cancer Research UK tells us there are over 200 different types of cancer. All have their own levels of danger and all have their own specific treatment regimes.  Knowing the King has cancer tells us nothing other than the king has cancer.

The more likely explanation for  the Palace being  so unusually open about the King’s medical condition is it would have been nigh on impossible to hide the fact that something was seriously wrong with his health. He would have been seen visiting a hospital on a regular basis, his public engagements would have been cancelled and his physical appearance may well be affected by whatever treatment he has to undergo. In short, the Palace statement has more to do with “preventing speculation” (as it freely admits) than with promoting understanding of cancer, which had been the media’s spin.

King Charles is fortunate. He is rich and can afford private health care, and I doubt there are many people who would not also use their wealth and power to ensure the best medical treatment for cancer. Unfortunately, for the majority of us  in ‘Broken Britain’ that isn’t an option.

Only a few weeks ago the Guardian newspaper carried this headline:

“UK has some of worst cancer survival rates in developed world, report says. Rates for lung, liver, brain, oesophageal, pancreatic and stomach cancers worse than in most comparable nations." (11/01/24)

Britain ranked only  28th out of 33 countries with comparable wealth and income levels for cancer survival rates.  Not only does Britain diagnose cancers much later but treatment capacity is also below that of other countries. So, even if you are diagnosed early (which is unlikely) you will still have to join a long queue before treatment begins. Of course, if you are a King or are wealthy, this doesn’t apply and you can begin treatment almost immediately.

Britain’s media now has an opportunity to champion better cancer care for ordinary men and women and to insist that the “abysmal survival rates” that characterise our currant cancer care regime are reversed. However, the media reports I have heard regarding the Kings cancer have totally failed to mention that Britain has one of the worse cancer survival rates in Europe. If the media truly believe the Palace announcement concerning the King’s cancer is to “help others” or to “raise awareness” then they should start by revealing the shortfalls in the countries present cancer diagnosis and treatment regime and shortfall in NHS funding by successive Tory governments.