#how is everything from it DROP DEAD GOREGOUS FR!!!!!

[boredymcbored]

I journal

while I have crushes cause I realize I have poor dopamine management when I have one. And guess who's dopamine has been terribly deficient lately??? 🥳

A college basketball player, not just anyone, but one of the best players in the country, thought you were cute. And after saying she wants to hang out and treat you with things, finally says she's into you. And ofc you melt down cause how TF does this happen?

But you aren't feeding into this happening not just cause the absurdity of the situation, but cause you're not sure of her age. And it's younger than you'd prefer. So you have in your mind you'll reject her.

But then go to Paris and are packing and jesus, who has the time to talk through something like that now? I'll tell her later. And it's fun, spordaic talk in the mean time cause internet sucks overseas but she's kinda sweet. Huh.

You get back, she waits for your stream, it happens and she leaves no room for hiding how bad she wants you. BAD. It's mad sexual though. And age gap with the blatant sexual is a lack of mood. And you nip it after.

So you declined a crazy situation but the more things went on, the more you realized.. Is this right? Did I make the right decision? Could this work...?

But it's still weird!

So you analyzed everything, like you normally do. Rapport, power, maturity... Just everything. I'm a broke up n coming fan of hers at base zero of a career while she's otw to being... well THAT girl. I have age on her. Assumed (guaranteed imo) maturity. But she has all this other power on me. And you were still conflicted since it's... Still a lot on the surface.

But you talk and..

She's funny. Like REAL funny. She riffs bits so well guys 😭. And is sweet. And goregous omg.

And she wants you. Bad. More than anyone you've been with or into tbh. She could get anyone and she wants you for some reason??? Hanging out for hours with a busy af life type shit?

And you just talked to yourself about deserving someone you wanted that actually wanted you. That you didn't have to convince to appreciate you. And have shaken your head at dropping baddies for lack of confidence before.

So a baddie. IN the shit you into. Slides in the DMs. And even after declining still sticks around and is sweet and apologetic about it but also suggests this could be deeper than you'd think (we'll see). And wants to treat you. And get to know you. And takes time she doesn't have to hang out with your foolishness. And adds her own. And did I mention how pretty she is???

You have a crush, girlfriend. Real bad.

If you'd have told me this a couple months ago I WOULDN'T believe you first of all cause I still don't know how tf this happened. And you'd be weirded out cause the dynamic on the surface is still something that usually ends up toxic. People take advantage of people in age gaps a lot of times and I am NOT that nigga.

But it's so atypical from those usual dynamics. I've talked it out and power is much different for this case. Honestly, the whole thing is so complicated 😭

Except the fit. It's actually working. Really well? And although this is still super new... You're suprised. You're actually getting sprung tbh. Her being the only person to take you this seriously at this stage, even with dynamics, is super refreshing. And you almost can't believe it.

Ofc the only person to take you at least somewhat seriously (still an assumption tbh) is a whole decade younger than you 😭😭. But she has her shit together, more than you tbh. And she's crazy about you and spending time with you, even if it could potentially be more sexual. And it's fun. You're having fun. She's working more than you'd think. We're working?

Ofc you have concerns

Why me? Seriously, why? Will she get the ick cause my aged ass is still figuring it out? Does she wanna fuck for the most part or is she dead ass feeling this? Fr? Those are questions I'm fine pushing til figuring out later.

I just like her. And it's weird. And different. But she's weird. And different. And a dork lol. You'd think a mega athlete would be less of one or have better game but here she is making dad jokes in my chat while calling me pretty and trying to get a rise from me. And it's working :).