#how i was unlikely to ever catch their announcement because i just dont do a ton on tunglr

[eldritchmochi]

MOCHI! the zmeess commission?!!?!?!?!?!? Omfg my favourite shadowgast author getting commission from my favourite shadowgast artist, Mochi you've orchestrated my death, I'm gone from this world

swooshes baculum be revived!!

[emmacreatures]

A HEAVY START

OKAY. SO. Despite me and Nina literally made this ship earlier today, my brain did a BRRRR and went bonkers since I'm just extremely inspired and so happy to have nina in my life. This story starts off very gently, but well. Warning, it will take a big turn.

I cant tell yet how canon things will be, since we just made them, so I always need some experimenting and such! So IF I ANNOUNCE NEW SHIT, dont be surprised if it changes slightly through time, but despite all I'm nervous yet excited to hear what you guys think aaaa i literally wrote this in like.. 3 hours hoppla ENJOY! Featuring two new characters, called with their LAST NAMES!!! Muller and curran! __________

Everyone was just doing their thing at Bridgehead. Muller had been told to keep track of most developing recom bodies, as he was specialized in genetics. Though it didnt stop the man to go through more since he was one of tbe more specialized all 'inclusive' scientists at the RDA. His looks may seem innocent, but the man's mind was able to do more than just work on one part of their whole operation. He used to work beautifully along Grace, for they both had the beautiful passion for the Na'vi, and all living things.. But unlike Grace, Muller had a rather innocent look, so he at times got tossed around a bit, being asked to do various things which he did not mind.. In fact, he met alot of people because of that.. Something that at this day left a sour wound.

It was a big 'getting used to' for the man, when he was being brought back as a recom. He remembered waking up, as it felt like a dream at first.. He couldn't believe his own sight, and didnt remember anything when he started to slowly build up the fact he was a Na'vi now. He almost wanted to do tests on himself, as he was so mesmerized by the fact his DNA was now mixed with that of the native's... But the happiness was cut short, for his reality was slowly haunting him. It was like someone put a mental wall up in his brain. The more he scratched upon that wall, the more he rememberd from a past life. Memories they'd call it. But he started to feel it was becoming a slight nightmare. It wasnt his marvelous intelligence that bugged him.. It was the mere rather deeper emotions with attachments coming loose.

Through the months of being a Na'vi, he was asked a lot of things. He missed grace, for she kept a nice pace and control around the RDA, as they matched up well with energy, but he managed well on his own. His energy with the RDA didnt match so well.. So he tried to still be independant, and have his own corner to do what they asked of them. Originally he was put with the recom squad, to come along and explain them about pandora when they were developing to understand the na'vi ways especially, since like grace, he knew all about it. But slowly, Quaritch noticed the man becoming hesitant, as if something deeply put him on the breaks.. So for now, ardmore, after talking with quaritch about it, decided to keep the man at bay, and allow him to work in the labs for it seemed the best that way.

In those few months, alot of exciting things seemed to develop. Quaritch and his squad managed to catch one of the two natives of the Omatikayan.. In which another tried to come to rescue them, ending up with two. Something they could definitely use. One of them seemed rather difficult to handle, picking fights with specific recoms who originally lured them out.. But the other, was rather adjusted to the surroundings despite humans didnt seem to like the idea to have a native around. Since bridgehead was so extremely huge.. Muller hears about the 'rumors' of having a native on their side.. His eager and soft energy certainly wanted to have a chance if ever, to talk to him. He had so many questions.. Things he loved to ask. Despite he was a na'vi himself, he still had the biggest fascination to the natives.. Even if some of them, didnt like their association with them. He didnt know, or couldnt know, for he was just minding his business, gently checking half of the tubes full of the new recom units.. "All is stable." he softly said, smiling as he checked everything before heading back to his own lab. He got quite the space which he appreciated, but in the back of his head, he still felt a certain unknown.. Emptyness he couldnt quite figure just yet.

Being nearby his own lab, he wanted to hand out some data to some of the humans he had to work with, eventually seeing the native he heard about.. Out of pure fascination and admiration, he gently approached him.. He seemed to just look at some of the bigger screens. "Gosh.. Hi- I'm so sorry." Muller said in actual Na'vi.. Smiling. "You're a real.. Omatikayan.. Right. you must be Ka'am? If I'm not mistaken?" Muller gently asked, almost holding his hands together to see the rather warrior typed man turn to him. The beads in his mohawk like way of having his hair tied made a heavy noise.. Turning to him. For Ka'am looked at a rather excited scientist just from having a look at him. "you're from neytiri's family? i've heard rumors you were around but..-" Muller kept on talking in fluent na'vi, making Ka'am, who now had fully turned to the man instead of just his head.. Frown while responding in Na'vi. "i've not heard people speak about me" "OH nothing bad. I'm just, very honored to meet you. I see you" muller kept speaking in Na'vi, softly making the gesture from his head to show out of respect he saw Ka'am. Making the native tilt his head, as he looked down at the innocent looking scientist. Ka'am was taller than the man, and he seemed respectful.. Truly. "You are aware I can speak your language too right" Ka'am said serious, changing to english for Muller just had a soft "woah.." before harrumping. "I just felt like it was more fair to speak your language, since this is technically your territory." Muller said gently for, he invited Ka'am to his lab if he wanted, also because he just loved to see a full powerful native so closeby without wanting to kill him, which he would even understand.

Since Ka'am was quite looked at from the humans at this point, having a more respectful approach like Muller seemed better for his day. "I rather not be associated with them if you wouldnt mind by all means" Ka'am then said, for Muller frowned. "Associated with..?" "My family." "Oh- I- I'll note it down. I'm sorry if I-" Muller wanted to deeply apologize despite he certainly grew curiosity on why, but seeing Ka'am just make a gesture with his hand to say 'no need to continue' on his apologies.. For Muller understood right away. "So.. Were you looking for anything specific? I saw you try and figure your way, these things can be a hassle, even for me" Muller said kind, having noticed Ka'am was slightly searching for something. Ka'am could certainly tell the man was intelligent, on how he could read ka'am's intentions.. But since he really wasnt trying to get into Ka'am's business, he felt like Muller could actually help him. "I was.. Or well. do me a favor.. Can you look up old.. I believe they're recordings or field recordings. Quaritch wanted some, and since he's busy-" "So considerate- Let me actually see if I can get into it.. Since I'm just a .. Scientist. Not really like security or stuff like that" Muller said as he really was as innocent as he sounded. He wasn't JUST a scientist, but the man never bragged and was honest.. Sometimes he might even belittle himself on accident.. The man was never too kind though.. He knew where to stand his ground, but with Ka'am, he was just so fascinated, trying to help the best way. He was so impressed by the natives, and Ka'am was certainly a lovely example in his eyes. Perhaps even slightly scary to some, which Muller respected completely.

He gently put his card through the computer, seeing he in fact did have access. "Ah, there you go. I'll leave you to it" The man said as he gently sat down at a different desk near it, hearing Ka'am lean forward with his arms on the desk, watching the screens as the the braid from Ka'am, falling over his own shoulder to the front, made a noise that you could just hear was quite heavy. For some odd reason it made Muller smile. He loved having a native near, it just fueled his nerdy hype about the reason be became a scientist. The rather big smile almost on Muller's face took Ka'am's attention.. It wasnt like.. A fascination to his body or such, just the mere fact he was around. He turned to Muller once, for the man wanted to explain himself the second Ka'am did. "Must be heavy right? All those intricate beads.. with their possible traditions and stories" Muller said for Ka'am stood more straight instead of watching the screens. "It almost sounds you've never seen one like myself this close have you..?" The man said with a frown, for his voice was definitely lower than that of Muller. "Must be obvious right.. Indeed I havent. You caught me there. I apologize for it. Well, We've seen your kind from afar, let alone.. One that speaks to you, even in english, though I wouldnt mind to switch to Na'vi again" Muller said for Ka'am just nodded once.

"Quaritch isnt so fluent in Na'vi, so I might as well at times speak your language when its possible." Ka'am said rather serious, before Ka'am actually found something on the security footage after some searching. Something Quaritch most likely needed. "This. How can I obtain this" "Oh on a USB or? I can do that for you" Muller said as he stood up, putting it into the system that Ka'am was going through, putting the specific bit without checking what it was onto it. "That should do it.. Anything else you might need?" Muller was so helpful.. As at moments like this, infront of Ka'am for the first time, he almost forgot he was a na'vi himself. It was still something to get used to.

Ka'am noticed the genuine help.. But as the man helped him. He just never wanted to owe someone anything.. Being a loner and tricky man like he was. He just never wanted to have strings attached.. So having noticed the man's pure nerdy behavior which was what the humans called it.. Ka'am thought of a perfect solution..

"here. May this fill your fascination that you have for our kind" Ka'am said rather serious than thankful.. putting a very special carved bead onto the table they were standing at.. Making Muller who softly took it.. Just gasp. The bead was from hometree.. as Ka'am was slowly pushing himself further away from his original roots due to complications, it seemed like a win win So.. Now he was standing even.

"Are you serious... This is a bead from hometree. You get to make these when you- suceed within your tribe with a greater good" Muller said for Ka'am certainly was surprised but didnt show it. This man definitely knew alot. But hearing the man be so happy with it, he just nodded once in a 'just take it. and dont bother me about it' before he left, leaving Muller so excited about it.. "I gotta sample this in the lab later.." He whispered, before softly putting it into the pocket of his pants, slowly realizing that surprisingly along all this, he seemed to have access to much more than he originally thought with his RDA card that he always had with him.. He realized he might be able to dig into more stuff if he wanted to.. and as innocent as the man seemed, that dark empty hole he kept on feeling whether it was in his chest or head.. started munching more upon his curiosity. The mental wall was slowly breaking after months, and this sudden realization might grow worse

Muller was always rather fast with delivering what everyone asked. As mentioned before he was one of the best scientists around while people felt like he didnt live up to that title when it came to his looks.. But the man had brains and was a complex and well developed human who now was a na'vi. Brought back by the RDA. He knew something bad should've happened after a few weeks, but it seemed it was almost normal that everyone came back.. So, maybe his 'older' self.. would still be around, despite not having seen it yet

For he was done doing what he was asked to, muller's curiosity finally bit the bullet.. Sliding his card through the monitor to eventually start digging deeper into the system. After alot of trouble he ended up within the older files of their place before bridgehead was a thing.. Remembering a slight piece of it in the back of his mind. He rememberd selfridge.. A dirty asshole who never showed mercy, and he rememberd everyone he worked with before, including closer contacts he met along the way. Sighing as he went deeper and deeper into thr system, being alone in his lab, he frowned as he seemed to have found 'doctor muller. Confidental' files.. Without much hesitation he clicked on them, noticing a complex password was upon his files. Like said, he wasnt stupid. but now what.. What would he possibly have done as a password. It took a few tries even for him, and as a clone it was already complex enough.. But finally, he cracked it, seeing a lot of recordings of the first days..

He watched some of them, remembering it now, much clearer in his head. Being excited about plants, and hearing the avatar program Grace started was slowly becoming reality. Muller in the day was a young man, who was overly excited when he heard he was allowed to come to pandora to contribute with his intelligence. The second grace and him met, it was like a perfect match. Norm was fantastic too, but Muller ended up being more in the background, doing a lot of genetic research on the avatar bodies. Digging deeper into the DNA of things. The videos started off like a beautiful memory lane, even some videos where some squad members entered, asking how Muller was doing.. One in particular.. As the sudden connection was made in his brain. A happy little push, which made Muller smile for a second.. but as he went down and down.. Some videos, he couldnt remember. The aura was dark from the preview videos, but he did decide to click on one of the last ones, seeing right after most files were broken.

"This is day 799.. It seems Jake sully tried to convince them to leave. Everything is chaos right now. I dont know what he wants to do.. They're asking us to do horrible things. But selfridge and everyone else is doing the worst of things. They made hometree fall.. They killed it.. They put down grace's lab completely. At this rate I dont know what will happen. I dont know if I can do what they're asking of me.. Its not what I signed up for, but I dont want trouble either.".

Muller stopped the video there, closing it as he felt like it was getting worse.

"Day 805.. Just a few days apart, but its war.. I dont even blame the natives. They killed everything. This is not what I signed up for. The RDA, they're reckless.. I cant seem to see enough of whose behind this, but all we know is that most are prepared to fight, while me and the rest.. We want to leave the natives alone.. Unoptanium cannot be the reason we're doing this.. I.." Muller sighed so deeply on the video.. Seeing the human version of himself was odd too.. But he didnt know it could go worse from here..

"Day 806.." muller heard the audio.. He heard his own human version, sniffing from crying.. It was wrecking his stomach. "I dont know if this will ever reach the systems. The whole unit is collapsing.. I dont know if I will make it out alive myself, but you might ask yourselves while I'm here." The tone of his voice, was making Muller shiver, not touching the screens anymore as he let it go. "Curran.. Protected me.. From all chaos a few hours ago.. And now, here we are.. He passed away in my arms. I saw him die, right infront of me. And you know whats the worse part. I'm here, risking my life to do what you filfty bastards asked me to." Muller said as the anger he never showed popped up, his eyes full of tears on the video.

"If you are smart and if you ever see this, all of you, from the RDA.. You better not bring me back if I dont survive this.. As the chances of me surving alone here are small from the looks of it, but I have nothing to loose anymore, nothing to moarn over anymore as all you did was break me and...." Muller on the video couldnt even finish his sentence anymore, mentioning how the love of his life died in his arms was already too much.. "Unless you cold, horrendous people dare to pull me back. I never signed up for this when I was brought to pandora, for you all to murder them like.. A pest purely for your own good and money. I know I never seem threatening, and it might look like an easy game for you guys.. But i'm so.." Muller said on the video as the tears flew down his cheeks.. The heartache was unbearable.. "I dont want to be a part of this.. My life is nothing without him.." Muller said as he laughed once with the tears in his eyes. "Its almost funny.. To think the RDA, made me meet Curran in the first place which supposedly, was one of the best things that happened to me.. And now, you.. Make me end up erasing his mind because I was threatened to, right?" Muller said as his tears in video kept on flowing again. "If I didnt do it, you guys would.. so no win for me I suppose" Muller said defeated, swallowing. "you all dared me to take away that core memory.. so he can be a weapon for your new plan as this one failed.. Can you even sympathize with what I just described.. well. Of course not. Since you all have turned into killers, with no mercy. Having control over us all" Muller said as his crying made talking difficult. "Goodluck with that. I really hope, for you all, that you will not throw me back into this hellpit, as a recom" the man said almost threatening, hearing more of the building break apart.. As soon as he had sent off the DNA sample a second before.. "Its done.. Its sent off. So it might as well be done for me too." Muller said as he wanted to predict his own fate almost, before hearing more and more of the building collapse.. Muller watched his own human self, still try and get out of the mess, but before it completelt collapsed, the video broke and stopped recording.

Muller felt all his flashbacks occur in the back of his mind. Everything came back.. Every single detail that was captured in his DNA for the recom project. Popped up. It was taken before the huge accident he just watched, but seeing it all.. Was the last drop for him. He was frozen, he felt and heard the pain his human version already was going through. He rememberd Curran, of the most expertise Units he ever met.. He rememberd how they met, how they got along, how they fell in love.. and worst of all, now how he lost him. The realization hit him as well, that there was a chance Curran would be brought back as a recom, as the RDA asked him? as sickening as possible, to adjust his DNA sample with his memories, to have no hiccups. No emotional interuptions.. He rememberd it all now.. He rememberd the most difficult conversation he ever had in life.. How they were planning to make the recom program. But also knew about the relation Muller had to the incredible squad part that Curran was..

"We dont care what you think.. Emotional influences like that can make a soldier fall.. So whats the use if we would bring them back in such a state. Its misleading. If you wont take it out of his system Muller before sending it off to the recom system to have it imprinted on him, then we will. Its either you, or us"....

The sentences echoed in his brain.. Muller slowly stood up from the table after closing all tabs, making sure they were gone, before falling on his butt on the ground, holding himself as he was shivering.. Tears flew down his cheeks, as he couldnt make a noise, he was so frozen, as his emotions were all over. Muller held his own head after a while, unable to get a grip on himself for it all hit him too badly.. Worst part was that he knew about the conversation all too well, he remembered it now, but to have figured the two eventually died most likely since he could hear and see the building was about to collapse when Muller was still there.. Still trying to make it, in which Curran died for Muller to protect him.. Was something his heart couldnt bear.

The chances were there.. That Curran could eventually be part of the recom group, meaning if they'd ever come across each other, it would be a man.. That wouldnt have a single clue about Muller. Everything they experienced, build up.. Was gone, and out of all people, muller had to take it away from him..

Muller sat there for the longest of time, his own glasses had fallen off as he had sunken his own head into his arms that he held himself with at last.. Trying to give it a spot, but it was so hard to bear. Though as powerful as the man was, after a few hours, he managed to slowly push himself up, as his tail was wrapped around him.. Trying to breathe. He almost felt out of spite, the RDA brought him back.. It was definitely something Muller wanted to talk about eventually if he got himself a bit back together, but he just experienced his whole life in a few minutes. The emptyness now made sense.. for Curran wasnt in his life anymore, as so it seemed. He was just another scientist nessesairy for their things.. But Muller was not agreeing with it. He didnt dare to check the lists of Recoms anymore at this point.. He hadnt seen curran anywhere, so maybe.. just maybe it would give him a break for a bit. "Its.. Its late Muller.. You need to.. Sleep." He said to himself to calm down, despite it felt impossible.. He would eventually try and argue with the RDA, but for now, he needed some time for himself. He knew picking up work was the best he could do first thing tomorrow morning.. but this would definitely need time to process. The man was very smart, abd despite this was tough for him to do.. he knew trying to continue his 'new life' would've been the best to do.. so he tried that, despite his emotions at times like waves and flashbacks would sit him wrong.. Of course he didnt want to forget about curran.. He was everything that he could wish for.. But it was tough to hear whatbhappened.. but that wouldnt stop the man from working and possibly doing things he did want to do.. whats the worst that could happen now?...

[ssplague]

Chapter 0ne

“And so it begins”

Katsuki B. X Reader

Rated M

Warnings: Gaslighting, manipulation, power play, light degradation

The day before the two of you left for UA; Your best friend gave her word to your mother that she would always look after you. Now that the two of you are in your third year she’s officially FED UP with your attitude and childish antics. Mentioning her dilemma to your shared group of friends results in the most unlikely person offering to be her solution to the problem that is YOU.

A/N: The girl in the banner is NOT how the reader is “supposed” to look, it was just a drawing I did specifically for this. You look however you want to, I don’t really make any specific references to your appearance in this story.

🌅

Its Saturday morning; Ive been awake for about five minutes now, but I’m not ready to open my eyes and embrace the conscious world just yet. Hearing the door of my room unlock and open does the trick though. Only one person (other than myself of course) has a key to my dorm room.

“I made breakfast for the both of us, its your favorite” announces Euphie as she walks in, kicking the door shut behind her. I sit up, just as she’s pushing my black out curtains to the side I let out a hiss of disdain as sunlight immediately begins to permeate the room.

“Thank you Euphie” I say with a yawn.

She hands me a plate before settling down on my bed, acknowledging my thanks with a nod as we both tuck in.

“We have plans this afternoon, can you be ready by at least 12:30? No need to get super made up but at least out of your pajamas?” Euphies voice is gentle, but I catch the underlying “I’m not asking, but telling you” vibe she tries to hide.

“For sure”

She smiles at my seemingly agreeable mood so early in the morning and we easily segway into our standard start of the day discussions. “Are we um…Are we going to be busy all day? I….I kinda planned on going to hangout with-“ Euphie cuts me off as she picks up our plates: “No worries you’ll have plenty of time for that, I promise!” Giving me a wink before shutting my door.

She didn’t even know who I was referring to, or what I was going to say….

At 12:55 Euphie reappears to rush me out of my room.

“Hey I forgot my purse I-“

“Don’t need it”

“But my wallet is-“

“Not necessary”

Her tone is clipped, and she has a death grip on my wrist as she quite literally drags me down the hallway. Initially I was taken aback, not being used to receiving this type of treatment from her. My bearings have started returning along with growing frustration each time one of my questions are receiving one word answers, or met with a complete dismissal. Reaching my limit I fail to notice that she’d began to slow down, and I’m wrenching my wrist free of her grip at the exact same time she’d come to a stop.

“What in the fuck is your problem?! You told me that we had plans to go out this afternoon, and you’d treat me to whatever I want!

This-“ I’m interrupted again.

“I certainly wouldn’t do anything for a fuckin’ brat throwing a tantrum like this”

My eyes snap to the side where I see the irritated scowl of one Katsuki Bakugou, as he leans against his door frame glowering at me. Embarrassment further fuels my anger as I turn toward him, pointing an acusatory finger as I begin “No one fucking asked you, stay out of it Katsu-“.

Kirishima suddenly emerges from Bakugo’s room, giving Euphie an enthusastic greeting

“Hey there! You look nice, ready to head out?”. The red head is flashing his signature shark toothed grip at my best friend as he offers her his arm. “You know it” she giggles, taking hold of his muscular bicep. The two of them start to walk off, confused and furious I start to head after them, but a large hand grips my shoulder grounding me in place.

“Bakugo told me he wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on you while Kiri and I went out this afternoon, this way you’ll stay out of trouble and get to keep the plans you’d made with him, bye!” The closing elevator doors add a sudden finalization to her brief explanation.

“Plans?” Bakugo questions while uncermoniously yanking me backwards.

I stumble back, falling through the doorway and landing flat on my ass in front of the now closed door (Which he is standing in front of). Glaring up at him as he continues: “She must have me confused with the local brothel, because thats the only place I’d imagine wearing a skirt as short as that would be deemed appropriate”. His insult doesn’t deter his crimson eyes from roaming the length of my body, lingering on the aforementioned skirt. Getting to my feet, he walks around me and move towards his desk, taking a seat behind it.

“Oh fuck you Katsuki, you can be a real dick sometimes, I dunno what stupid Euphie told you about keeping and eye on me, but I dont need a fucking baby sitter! So ill be off now” with a huff you turn towards the door. “________, I’m not in the mood for bullshit today so just sit down and shut up” he growls, not turning to look at you. He always feels embarrassingly giddy when you adress him by his first name, thats why he insisted you call him by it. That in itself should be an indication of how he seems to favor you.

It makes him almost feel a bit guilty for using a harsh tone when he’d spoken to you. Despite how he treats others, Katsuki is hardly ever outright mean to you; He’s never even given you a derogatory nickname like he has for everyone else. Today’s an off day though…He’s just not used to running on little to no sleep. That paired with his already non existent level of patience makes for a blow up. Especially when YOU were the cause of his latest bout of insomnia….turning to look at you has his thoughts beginning to wander.

Those lips of yours flapping away as you berate him…

They sure would look a helluva lot better wrapped around his-

“-Not even fucking listening to me are you?!” You snarl, starting towards the door again. “I cant believe I woke up this morning wanting to hangout with YOU, guess I’ll change my plans and hangout with someone not so shitty to me…. Like Deku!” A loud crash comes from behind you. The now enraged man had stood up so abruptly, it sent his now vacated chair careening into the wall and toppling over.

“You really just cant help yourself can you?”

His voice is so eerily quiet as he turns to face you, something unidentifiable flashes in his rapidly darkening crimson orbs. You couldn’t exactly identify it, considering it disappeared as abruptly as it had originally came.

“Course you cant, I already know that”

A menacing smile appears on his face as he takes his first step toward you, immediately triggering your natural “Fight or flight” response.

“I know what you need”

He’s only an arms length away when you start to step back.

“You dont know shit”

You somehow summon the courage to speak, but are unable to summon any false bravado to keep you from betraying how unnerved he’s got you feeling as he takes another step.

“I know that your best friend cant stand what a spoiled fuckin’ brat you’ve become, I know she’s so fed up with your shit that she’s about to write you off completely”

The defiant expression you’d worn all this time finally starts to falter.

This marks the first time Katsuki has ever seen how you look when your confidence begins to ebb away, only to be replaced with a mixture of uncertainty and fear.

His sadistic side emerges with glee as your now saddened doe eyes meet his.

“You’re constantly disregarding everyone’s opinion of you unless it aligns with your own, but you dont even know what to think of yourself now that your faced with the possibility of being alone now…do you?

You remain silent, taking yet another step back as he continues speaking.

“You need someone who isn’t afraid to correct you, but they’ll have to of earned your respect….So when you inevitably step out of line, you wont put up a fight when you get put over their knee”

Your back hits the wall.

You swallow down the panic that slowly begun to rise from your chest up into your throat as you realize there is nowhere left for you to go.

“You desperately want to be a good girl, just dont know how to be one, huh princess?”

It’s so adorable the way your bottom lip juts out, but at the first quiver it quickly gets sucked between your teeth.

“That’s why you’re acting out right now isn’t it?

I bet you drench your cute little panties every time you get a rise out of me. Always hoping that its going to be the time I yank you the fuck up and put this brat in her goddamn place, hah?”

You shamelessly lean into the large hand thats now cupping your cheek, letting out a sigh as his thumb caresses your soft skin.

“Mhmmm”

It’s horrifying how easily you just admitted your most guarded secret! The triumphant smirk he sports makes it even harder to accept.

His tone is surprisingly gentle when he starts addressing you once again;

“I can do that for you baby….Let me be the one that finally brings the princess down on her knees”.

Your eyes are practically sparkling at the feel of a sudden pressure being applied to your throat. His calloused fingers squeezing the delicate skin of your neck, effectively making it harder and harder for you to breathe. The thrill of this foreign feeling is instantly addicting.

“Tell me if thats what you want: If its not then shake your head and we never speak of this again”

Bakugo has to at least give the illusion that you have a choice in the matter. Even though its more than obvious that you need want this just as much as he does.

“I want it, I want you” your words come out in a breathy whisper as he releases his hold on your throat.

“I wanna hear you say it princess, what do you want me to do with you”

“I want…no I NEED you to….t-to make me into your good girl please…”

He gestures for you to continue, his raised brow implying you must be forgetting something.

“Please make me into your good girl….Daddy”

The pleading expression and twinge of desperation in your voice stirs something deep inside Bakugo. It was something akin to the last vestiges of some ancient seal had disappeared: The monster that it had rendered dormant had finally roused from its slumber, intent on wreaking havoc.

“You do understand that you’re mine now right ________? Every part of your being belongs solely to me”

Gorgeous ruby eyes scrutinize your face carefully, searching for a single trace of fear, uncertainty, or possible apprehension. All they found was admiration and girlish excitement, and this earned you a genuine smile from the almost always scowling young man.

“Yes, every part of me belongs to you now Katsuki”

“Better get used to this then”

Before you could inquire what he was referring to, he was kissing you.

❤️‍🔥

A/N: So concludes chapter one

Oh god I hope this is well received.

Should I get a tag list together? Is it too soon? If anyone would be interested leave a comment. SMUT in the next chapter, we’re moving faster here because let’s be honest; Smut is what all of us want! 💦

[gh0stwriting]

Hear me out, the slashers (michael,, Brahms, and whoever you want) reaction to a very touchy s/o? And not like in a sexual way(but lets be honest some booty grabs do happen), but more of the s/o just always touching them in someway, feet in their lap, sitting close, leaning against them, that sort if thing. Please and thank you! (I love your writing 😍😍)

(i literally picked the last 2 by whose ass id want to grab most and couldnt decide. also tysm!! 🥺)

BRAHMS

he never really noticed you being touchy because hes very much the same, if youre watching a movie he’d either pull you into his chest or lay with his head in your lap. he doesnt see it as anything outside of his definition of normal and he likes that youre as affectionate as he is.

if you grabbed or smacked his ass he’d giggle and 100% do it back unless you told him not to. but would most likely turn it into a game where youd try to grab each others ass without being caught, hes in the lead by a lot tho.

also yall are the crown royalty of just hugging for like 20 mins and not talking or trying to do anything else, just standing in the middle of a room and holding each other until you get tired of standing and do the same thing but on the couch

if youre ever doing something for work or are just generally busy expect brahms to slide in behind you on your chair and just fall asleep leaning on you. also he’ll do anything he can to sit behind you without you having to move out of the way because he doesnt want to interrupt what youre doing but most of the time he almost falls trying to, hes determined tho.

and if hes busy (which lets be real he rarely is unless it involves you) then you’ll be the one obnoxiously leaning on him but he loves it and giggles every time you try to move to get his attention back to you, youre just a sucker for him as he is for you.

MICHAEL MYERS

the first time you put your legs in his lap or cuddled extra close, he thought it was weird and rather annoying, but quickly realized this is your personal version of love. as close to your lover as possible.

it makes him feel wanted in a way he hasnt felt since he was a kid and originally its conflicting to him. why would anyone want him? but of course no matter what he does you dont leave and your affection grows more prevalent every day, starting with small things and eventually climbing onto whatever you have to so you can sneak him a kiss, even if it means falling.

he soon finds it really adorable that you could feel so strongly for someone, especially when you know so little about him. he would try to initiate the same affection but he fears hurting you, after all hes built like a fridge and could easily kill you.

though that doesnt mean he doesnt try to initiate affetion, because he does, but only when hes in a really good mood. like when you were watching black and white horror movies and he grabbed you a little too roughly and pulled you into his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist and just staying there until you had to get up.

though some things you do seem to make him very uncomfortable you try to catch onto what it was and tone it down so as to make him as comfortable as possible, he generally does seem to be partial to affection, but mostly on his terms. hes like an old angry cat.

BUBBA SAWYER

so sometimes when youre just meandering around the house with nothing to do youll just run up to him and hug him really tightly on impulse, which would initially startle him and then he’d coo quietly and hug you back, baby boy just likes being loved and youre more than happy to give him all the love he deserves.

another of his favorite things you do is when you walk into his workshop, announce your prescence as to not startle him and then just either watch him work with your hands on his shoulders and your chin resting on his head or to cover the top of his head and back of his neck with kisses until he starts giggling and then puts down his work to spend time with you. you may be petty, but it works.

Drayton HATES how lazy you two get sometimes, but its not so much you being lazy as it is just you basking in each others presence and enjoying the comfort that things like cuddling bring.

also if you do grab his ass randomly he’ll squeal like a pig from shock and its honestly really funny bc after he covers his face bc of how hard hes blushing, though you wouldnt have been able to tell otherwise

Bubba is so affection starved that hed spend the rest of his life just cuddling you and hes fine with that, he just thinks youre warm and small like a teddy bear (but lets be real almost everyones short to him bc hes like 6’5 and thiccc)

BILLY LOOMIS AND STU MACHER

Ok so, Stu is very affectionate and loves giving and receiving massive amounts of affection. Billy on the other hand is emotionally constipated and doesnt show feelings if he has a choice, especially not in public.

that being said tho, in private you three are insperable. almost always touching somehow, even if its just your thighs touching while you watch movies, or in Stu’s case, as much of his body touching as much of yours and Billy’s as possible, not unlike a puppy.

also prepare to be in the middle of some kind of ghostface sandwich bc they both want to have maximum contact with you while cuddling so they can hopefully keep you safe if anything were to happen.

also Billy isnt always one for affection but if he wants it hes gonna get it and hes gonna do it in the most dramatic way possible. like when youre watching tv he’ll just flop down onto your lap with a hand on his forehead and a dramatic sigh and just lay there until you make him leave.

[nightwhite13]

at first i wanna write something serious, but somewhere along the way @vallern came up with a hc and everything went crack from there, and she helped me wrote this even tho she didn’t play the game, ugh her mind. so if u asking us about plot, tone, etc? we dont know her. this set in distant future or an au idk, no one knows

anyway, stay strong during this trying time, fellow clowns

tagging @somewillwin @uhh-the-green-thing @poppy-sin-clair @malvinghlein @jmojellybae  @simpforpoppy

The sound of your heels echoed between the dull conversation of the other students, still lingering at campus after their class. You ignored the worried glances they throw at you. You didn’t care; it wasn’t the first time they gawked at you nor will it be the last, but this time, it felt different because you fucking knew why they were looking at you, and it’s not because of something good.

Good, bad, neutral.

Once upon a time it’s such a foreign concept for you; after all, everything is acceptable in the name of profit, your father once said to you when he taught you everything you need to know to take over the family’s company.

“Poppy, wait!”

You grit your teeth and walked faster, thankful because unlike some idiot you can actually walk in heels. Hell, you probably could climb Mount Everest with one.

“Poppy, holy shit, stop!”

You ignored him, but you can tell he’s getting closer to you.

You screamed when Carter caught up with you. He tugged your wrist until you stopped walking, almost making you fall because of the sudden movement.

“Let go of me, you idiot!” You hissed as you yanked your hand away from his big hand.

“Look, it wasn’t her fault!” Carter said between his panting.

Your cheeks burn, remembering what you just saw a few minutes ago. “I don’t care whose fault…”

“Persephone kissed her, okay, we were just hanging around waiting for you and…”

“Why are you even waiting for me?” You know your class was going to take forever so you told Bea to go on ahead with everyone else and you can go there with Uber or something since you just had a fight with your parents and they forbid Samuel to pick you up. You don’t want to hear the jocks complaining because you disturbed their lunch scheduled–and they called you drama queen–so you thought it's better if Bea and the others leave first.

Carter looked at you softly. “You’re our friend; of course we’re going to wait for you.”

You looked away, unable to keep looking at Carter's super cute dimple. “I don’t remember ever being friends with himbo.”

Carter laughed. “Look, if you don’t believe me, just see Veronica’s Pictagram, okay? She’s doing a livestream of us catching grapes with our mouth.”

“What the hell?” You better keep Bea away from these himbos, otherwise she would turn into one. Not that it would be that hard, since Bea had half of a functional braincell on her best day.

“Look, just, just see it for yourself, okay? Bea didn’t kiss Persephone, she caught her off guard. It wasn’t Bea’s fault, Poppy.”

“And why is she not here? Why is she not the one that chases me? Are you her minion now?” It’s not like you ever imagined a scenario where Bea chased you down like in those romance movies you secretly love starring midwestern America's favorite white actress, Reese Witherspoon, no.

“What? No, I’m not yellow, don’t call me a minion. That’s a low insult, Poppy. Even by your standard.”

“Carter, that’s not…”

“Everyone is trying to stop everyone from getting into a fight with Persephone.”

“What?”

“Well, the last time I saw, Chloe is trying to punch Persephone because she kissed Bea out of nowhere, and Ford and Luis are trying to stop her.”

You sighed, if this happened before Bea came into your life, you would probably have said something like she’s my minion, of course she did that. But now, after everything, after all the bad blood between the two of you, it was weird to hear that Chloe actually cared for you. She always has, but you still didn’t understand why would Chloe put up with your bullshit.

“Michael is holding back Zoey from calling her family’s lawyer.”

“What?”

“Zoey said what Persephone did is a sexual assault and she can get Persephone in jail for that.”

You knew that Zoey girl was smart and efficient. A tiny part of yourself was happy for Veronica when they both announced that they’re together now.

“And where’s Bea now? Why is she not here?”

Carter’s forehead crinkled. “Uh, I don’t know.”

“See, she doesn’t care about me! Then why should I fucking care?” You said, yet you actually fucking cared. That was the worst part. “I told Bea that skank is bad news, but what did she make me do? I had to apologize to that bitch! And look what it got me?” You raised your voice, trying to keep your tears at bay and jabbed Carter’s chest. “That bitch kissed my…” Girlfriend, you wanted to say, yet you swallowed the word back and it made your throat hurt.

The two of you haven’t talked about your status, not yet. Both of you had so many issues to deal with, and by the time it’s done, reality slapped you and reminded you that finals were just three months away. You couldn't afford to slack off; not if you wanted a relatively free summer vacation away from your parents' nagging and not-so-hidden disappointment.

“Look, Poppy…” Carter touched your wrist again.

“Don’t touch me!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Carter raised his hands in surrender. “Look, just… Hey, Poppy, wait!”

You didn’t need to hear your stupid ex-boyfriend apologize in behalf of your stupid…

Stupid ex-something.

__________________________________________________________

Thankfully, no other idiots were stupid enough to stop you from going to your dorm. You slammed your door hard, ignoring a voice that sounded like your parents’ at the back of your mind, angry at you for your childish behavior. ("Do not slam your door on me, young lady!")

You growled angrily when you realized you were wearing Bea’s new jacket, the jacket you gave to her a few weeks ago. It’s not that you were trying to change her style. Honestly, all those times you were mocking her style was maybe, just a little maybe, because you liked her, just a tiny bit. You'd rather die than to actually say that to her face, though.

Good girls don’t fall in love with another girl, Poppy.

Your parents' words kept echoing inside your head every time your heart beat faster whenever you saw Bea, and you were always listening to your brain instead of your heart. You still felt guilty every time you enjoyed bickering with her and pushing her buttons, because she made you feel alive. It was wrong. It was wrong and yet it was all you can feel whenever you think about her. Before you knew it, Bea had wormed her way into your brain, and now she lived in your head rent-free.

You ripped Bea’s jacket and threw it to the floor after taking off your heels. You looked over to Bea’s red jacket, lying on the floor with the back facing you. Bea still had that mindset where she wouldn’t spend money to pamper herself. “Jacket is a jacket, babe. Why do I need to buy something expensive if I don’t like it?”

So you tried to find something that Bea liked and it wasn't that expensive. Honestly, you were surprised with Taylor’s ability to find stores that sold medium-quality clothes and actually looked good. It was a marvel, your friendship, ugh you want to barf every time you say friendship, with Taylor. You never knew that thank you and please had so much power to control people. Whoever said you can catch more flies with honey was right.

You thought that maybe you should take a really nice and long bath to relax and forget everything that happened. But on another side, you were curious with what Carter said. He might be a himbo, but he’s no liar. So you opened your Pictagram and sure enough, Veronica’s livestream was the first thing you saw. You wanted to click it, but then Veronica might know that you see her livestream, and you didn’t want her to know. So you used your rarely used picta.

 ____________________________________________________________

“Okay, so how are we doing this?” You could hear Veronica’s voice; she was recording Bea, standing between Carter and Luis. Suddenly, Veronica moved the camera, and you saw Chloe talking with Taylor, but you couldn’t really hear what they were saying.

When the camera was focused on Bea again, Michael stood next to Carter, holding a bag of green grapes.

“Simple, Louis will throw grapes at me and I’ll try to catch it with my mouth.” Bea said with a smirk.

“And I’ll catch Michael’s throw.” Carter pointed to himself with both of his thumbs.

You heard Zoey's groan, because how clear her voice was, like Veronica’s, you had a hunch that she probably sat next to her girlfriend. “Babe, that sounds dangerous. Can you do something that doesn’t have any probability with either one of you end up in the hospital?”

Veronica laughed and now she was filming Zoey’s frowning face. “Let them, it’s good for the view.”

“Babe, no!” Zoey pushed Veronica’s shoulder, probably, but it only made Veronica chuckle.

“Come on, are you guys doing this or what?” Chloe yelled from her place, she’s eating that spicy chips your great-aunt bought from Indonesia during her vacation there. Ford was sitting next to her, and she slapped his hand when he tried to take the chips bag from her.

“Michael, didn't Trixie ask you to buy grapes?” Zoey said. “Isn’t that your girlfriend’s grapes?”

Everyone groaned at the same time, while Michael slapped his forehead while looking at the bag. “Oh shit, I forget!”

“Zoey, stop being a voice of reason for once!” Bea yelled.

Veronica’s camera was still focused on Bea and the jocks, and honest to god she stomped her foot like a toddler. You couldn’t believe these people once called you drama queen. “Well, I’m sorry, but without Poppy here, I’m the only one with the brain cell left between you intellectually challenged people!” Zoey huffed. She’s right; you’ve lost count on how many times you had to stop Bea and the jocks from doing something stupid and idiotic.

“Hey, I’m not that stupid! You take that back!” Veronica moved the camera to Chloe right before Chloe threw a chip at Zoey, both of them gasped in surprise. Thankfully, the chip landed at the table.

“Veronica, come on, record us!” Bea whined.

“Are you sure… Oh, Persephone.” Veronica’s voice suddenly went flat.

Your blood boiled when that fucking skank entered Veronica’s camera view. She pushed Luis away from Bea, while Bea waved at her.

“Oh hey, what are you…”

Everything happened all at once.

Persephone pulled Bea by her shirt and kissed her hard. You felt like you want to vomit and your body suddenly felt colder than before, you heard Chloe screamed, “You fucking asshole, let her go!”, and then she lunged forward only for Luis to and Ford to hold her back, while Chloe was kicking and screaming. And then you saw Persephone waved.

And that’s the picture Persephone sent to you and posted it on public for everyone to see. The one that made your world stopped spinning and holding you back from going to find Bea. She could kiss whoever she wanted, you keep telling yourself that, yet your heart shattered with every step you took away from her.

Veronica’s camera suddenly shook the moment Zoey stood up and yelled. “Let her go, or I’ll call the police!”

Michael pushed Persephone away from Bea.

The last thing you saw before the video ended was Bea’s furious face.

 ____________________________________________________________

You sighed deeply and threw your phone to your bed.

You knew it wasn’t Bea’s fault, you knew the moment you saw that bitch's smirk. And yet, you felt like someone burned what's left of your heart with jealousy and anger.

No, it wasn't anger. It was another emotion you haven’t acquainted with, one that is similar to what you always feel every time your parents break their promises to you.

Disappointment.

("We can't go to Seoul this summer, Poppy, Auntie Na-ra is probably busy. Besides, wouldn't it better to spend time with Peter? Help your dad get that tender, will you?"

"But I called Auntie a few days ago and she said she's free anytime!"

"Spending time with Peter is more important, Poppy. You could go see Auntie Na-ra at winter break. This is more important.")

But you didn’t understand why you would feel that way for this kind of situation; it should’ve been anger, consuming you with passion until you burned everything down within your reach.

It should’ve been anger, because you understood anger. It was one of your best friends beside loneliness and fear, you knew it too well and anger understood you like no one ever does.

But instead of the comforting burn of anger, you felt the coldness of disappointment at the bottom of your empty heart.

Before you could analyze this anomaly further, you heard commotion from outside of the Zeta building.  Even before you walk toward your window, you know the source of said commotion.

“Luis, I thought you said your speaker work!” Bea raised her voice.

“Well yeah, that’s before Ford threw my speaker to the freaking wall!”

“Bro, I didn’t know it’s a speaker, okay? It looks like a brick! Why did you even buy that?”

“So you like to randomly throw bricks at walls?”

You folded your arms and watched Luis trying to fix his broken brick speaker from your window. He slapped Ford’s hand away when he tried to touch it.

“No!”

Faintly, you could hear Irene Cara’s voice singing What a Feeling. You tried to keep your face impassive, but it was hard since your body remembered what you usually do while listening to this song. (Trying to copy Jennifer Beal's iconic dance routine and failed, every single time.)

If it wasn’t because Bea spent so much time using your Spotify (premium, thank you so much), you would probably be horrified that she knew your favorite song. You once offered her to pay for the premium, not out of the goodness of your heart, but because she’s kept forgetting to subscribe for premium feature, and you’re so tired hearing the ads every time you actually enjoying the flow of Bea’s playlist. She had, surprisingly, a decent taste in music.

Instead of accepting it like a normal human being, Bea just copied her playlists to your Spotify. Good thing you already tidied up your playlist and you had to make sure that Bea didn’t put a new song there. And also you made sure your private playlist stayed private. You don’t need her to mock you for your anime soundtracks playlist. Bea could say whatever she wanted ("You like a goddamn Naruto song?!") but Flow's GO!!! is an absolute banger and nothing could change your mind, thank you very much.

You almost lost your shit when Bea asked your favorite music genre. Good thing your father trained you well and you could compose yourself and answered diplomatically. You had to bite your tongue when you heard Bea said Hey! Say! Jump! was overrated. The disrespect!

You didn’t talk to her for three days until she begged for your forgiveness. God, your reputation would never recover if people knew that your actual taste was somewhere between a Midwestern white mom and a goddamn middle schooler weeb.

You blinked a few times when you heard the beginning note of Barracuda from Luis’ broken brick speaker. Well, you did accidentally tell Bea that you like this song, who doesn’t anyway? It was a bop.

But you didn’t tell her that your real dream date was actually rollerskating with Barracuda blast in full volume. You didn’t spend 137 dollar and skipped classes for three days straight to watch Birds of Prey nonstop during the first week of its release for nothing. Plus, Margot Robbie beating men with bat and rollerskating? Yes please.

“Yes!” Bea screamed in joy when the speaker was in the right place and actually worked. She looked up to your window, holding the speaker on top of her head. Well, at least she’s not holding her old Xiaomi with its cracked screen, otherwise you would probably—

Never mind, Luis was holding her phone.

You groaned, trying to hide your embarrassment. God, her family is rich now; can’t she spare some of the money to invest in her gadget? You hated it every time you sent her emojis and she was just “Babe, it’s just squares.” Or she just sent a screenshot of your text (she changed your name in her phone, it’s Satan Popsicle now) and it’s rows and rows of squares instead of emojis.

“Poppy, babe, please…”

Before she could say anything else, the sound of Spotify ads suddenly replaced Barracuda, making everyone gasped in surprise.

“What the fuck?!” Bea yelled angrily and looked over to Luis. “Luis, what the hell, man?!”

“Sorry, sorry! I accidentally hit the next button! I didn’t know you didn’t have a premium feature! Who the hell doesn’t have Spotify premium anyway?”

You sighed deeply and rubbed your forehead, already feeling the incoming headache, while everyone was fighting with everyone down there. You saw Bea already hugging Zoey and Zoey was patting Bea’s back in comfort, you couldn’t hear Bea say something, probably she was frustrated because she didn’t use Zoey’s phone or that she blamed herself because she kept forgetting to download the Spotify's premium APK. Probably the latter, since you knew how much she loved that APK. You don't know, you're neither a peasant nor poor enough to go into the world of blackmarket apps. You're too pretty for Android.

You took Chloe’s shoes that you secretly stole from her room. Those shoes were hideous. Getting rid of it was basically a public service. Chloe should've thanked you. Then you threw one of the shoes, but it hit Carter instead of Luis.

“Get lost, all of you.”

“Poppy, what the hell?! How do you even get my shoes?!” Chloe screamed as she took her ugly shoe.

“It's so hideous, Chloe.”

“Oh you’re just jealous because they don’t have your size!”

You gasped and threw the other shoe at Chloe, it only hit her shoulder, damn it. “How dare you! Get lost, all of you, right now!”

“Oh, come on!” Zoey yelled. “It wasn’t Bea’s fault, Satan!”

“I don’t care, new money, get fucking lost!”

Bea held Zoey back and shook her head. “Come on, let’s just go.”

Zoey was torn looking between you and Bea. “Babe, what the fuck. Poppy…”

And then Bea finally looked at you with that soft and understanding smile. You hated it, you once yearned for it.

“It’s okay, come on.” She knew that you need more time, and she’s willing to give it to you because she was that nice.

Veronica was the last one to leave. She raised her eyebrow, but you stood your ground. You saw her type something, but you didn’t really think much of it. Veronica and her phone was one entity anyway.

But then you saw your phone, and it looked like Veronica actually had something to say.

 watch my livestream, youll know the truth

idc bitch

Me & zoey r gonna leave this weekend 2 hang w Jaylen, do whtvr u want with that info

meaning?

idk talk w ur gf or have tons of sex

shes not my gf

lol k

 You huffed loudly and threw your phone to your bed, good thing it didn’t miss or you need to buy a new one, again.

You paced back and forth inside your room; it feels weird without Bea here. Maybe you should go to her room? It wasn't her fault, after all. That fucking whore was to blame. She ruined your life once and while yes, sure, you had your revenge, now she’s back into your life again, and she’s already destroying everything.

You bit your nail, ignoring the sound of your mother from the corner of your mind reminding you not to bite your nails. ("Poppy, I will tie your fingers if I have to. Stop biting your nail, it's crass and disgusting.")

You gritted your teeth and took your phone from your bed and Bea’s old jacket from the floor. If this went wrong, you’re blaming Veronica.

 ____________________________________________________________

“Poppy, what…”

You pushed the door wide open, forcing yourself to get inside Bea’s room. Now you’re standing in front of Bea, unsure what to say. What could you possibly say in this situation, anyway? And you still don’t understand why you felt disappointment. At what, exactly?

When you craned your neck to meet Bea’s eyes, because fuck her for being six foot tall, you finally understood why.

“I hope you slapped that bitch after what she did to you.”

Bea chuckled and shook her head. “No, but I broke her nose.” She raised her eyebrow when you took her hands. “Um, Poppy...”

“Next time, if I told you that you shouldn’t trust a rich kid that isn’t spoiled to the core, listen to me,” you said without breaking eye contact.

Bea sighed. “Okay, I will. I thought it was just your old self talking shit about Persephone.”

“Well, yeah, that too.” You let go of Bea’s hand. “But that skank is basically a bad news.”

“Yeah, whoever thought she would try to get back at you like that?” Bea scratched her neck. “I’m sorry, but can we stop talking about Persephone now? I don’t want to hear her name ever again.”

You nodded.

“Is that all?” Bea raised her eyebrow. “I mean, you can just text me for that.”

You bit your lips. You don’t want to do this, you really don’t. “Okay, you’re right." You tried to fight the urge to say something negative or to backtrack.

Bea’s forehead crinkled. “About what?”

“Kanashimi is better than GO!!!,” you said with a grimace, as if you just swallowed a gallon of poison. Might as well.

Bea laughed loudly. “Finally you admitted that I’m right. Wait, how do you know…”

You never said Bea, you’re so fucking wrong and uncultured, GO!!! is the ultimate opening every time Bea said Kanashimi was way better than GO!!!, you only said that I’m too pretty to heard those songs, but I know you’re wrong.

You ignored her questioning look and climbed into her bed. “I’m using my Netflix’s account since I’m sure you don’t even have a Netflix account. I don’t understand why you’re so adamant to watch from Fmovies. You'd better pay for Netflix than for Nord.” Kids these days with their Netflix and shady streaming sites, they would never understand the feeling reading some batshit subtitle translation or watching thirty parts of videos on YouTube.

“What?” Bea was still standing in the middle of her room like an idiot.

“Well? Do you want to watch Naruto or not?” You huffed, already feeling your cheeks getting warmer. You never showed this side of you to anyone else, and now here you are, baring your soul in front of your ex-nemesis. Yes, you counted opening up a bit about your weeaboo side as baring your soul.

Bea laughed, honest to god laughed out loud while bending over and hands on her knees like you just said one of the greatest jokes in the universe.

You growled lowly in your throat and then you climbed down from her bed. “Fine, spend your weekend on your own then, I don’t care. I have a lot of reading to do anyway.” By reading, you mean there was a new chapter of Gokushufudou that just came out yesterday, but she didn't need to know that.

But Bea stopped you when you’re walking past her; she touched your wrist gently. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh.”

“You did.”

Bea laughed again, that stupid idiot. “Okay, yes, I am. But it’s because you keep saying ‘I’m too pretty to watch anime’ but you know way too much about it.” You just grumbled when Bea said that while doing an impression of you. It’s bad. You were way cuter when you were being haughty.

Before you could say anything, Bea bent down and kissed your forehead. You felt your forehead burned pleasantly from the gentle touch of her lips. “And of course I would love to watch Naruto with you.” She grinned. “After all, I taught you the power of friendship, believe it.”

“I hate you.”

“I know, I hate you too, Miss ‘I’m-too-pretty-for-anime’,” Bea said adoringly. “But we’re going to skip Shippuden, right?”

“Bitch, that’s the best part of Naruto.”

Bea rolled her eyes, but she’s smiling. “You have a bad taste.”

“No, I have a good taste.” You kissed her lips tenderly. “Because I chose you,” you whispered softly.

[prettyyoungandbored]

You and I {Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx} Chapter Seven

Pairing: DouglasBooth!Nikki Sixx x Reader 

Summary: There was a time when all Y/N and Nikki had were themselves and Nikki’s dreams of creating the next great band. What happens when the dream comes alive?

Warning: One scene that’s a little bit graphic. 

Taglist: @fandomshit6000 @cosmicsskies @tashy-bear@versaceismehoe@thissongitsaboutyou@prettysureimgayxo @divaanya @yoinks-i-dont-feel-so-good @evrsncnewyork@technicallyvirtualmilkshake @keepcalm-and-beyou @itsametaphorbriansblog @tarahell@scarecrowmax @queen-introvert @toadspleen @hi-my-name-is-riley @okj232 @tayrae515 @keepcalm-and-beyou @bella-0104-123 @kickstartmyheartmc @danknena @gerardwayisbae127  @emmygremlinturtle (If for some reason I missed anyone, please DM me and I’ll fix it!) 

A/N: I’m sorry it’s late. My wifi was being weird tonight and going on and off. Anyway, thank you so much for the continued love for this story! You all have no idea how much it means to me.  I hope you guys enjoy this!

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Touring was one thing, but touring with the Ozzy Osbourne was a whole other thing.The first night of the tour, Ozzy came onto the Mötley Crüe tour bus, drunk and high on cocaine and made it clear that being with him was not for the fainthearted. To his luck, Mötley Crüe  were more than up for the challenge. If Ozzy was the king of partying, Mötley Crüe were the princes. 

Every night Doc and the security team struggled to keep the boys’ mayhem to a bare minimum. No overnight stay in a hotel room was complete without a visit from the police or a room being trashed. No matter how many times Doc hid their drug stash, Vince and Nikki always found a way to sneak it back to themselves. 

Y/N, on the other hand, didn’t know whether to be amazed or terrified with what was going on. She didn’t mind Nikki getting drunk but when it came to his cocaine habit she felt uncomfortable. He hadn’t done drugs around her and since he and the boys were signed and the money started slowly coming in his usage of it became more frequent. 

She’d tried coaxing him out of it and he would apologize and say he’d “ease up” on it only to continue what he was doing. 

When it became a part of his pre-show ritual, she became worried that maybe it was becoming too much. 

Then one night, she managed to get him alone after a show for after show sex at one of the hotels. Just as she was about to finish, he whispered for her to close her eyes. She closed them and found herself so lost in the sensation of him massaging her breast, she didn’t hear the sound of the drawer opening. It wasn’t until she felt something on her neck and him inhaling that she realized what he was doing.

“Are you fucking serious?!” she screamed. 

 She pushed his chest off of her and stood up, her fury overpowering her. She grabbed her robe and tossed it on her. Nikki got off the bed and ran to her. 

“Babe, c’mon,” he pleaded, laughter in his voice. “I was just having some fun.” 

“Yeah so did I until you had to put that shit on me!” 

Nikki cradled her face his hands. “Baby, c’mon. I’m sorry-.” 

She pushed him off and headed toward the bathroom door when he grabbed her hand. He pulled on the belt of her bathrobe, bringing her close toward him. His lips hovered over hers. “Let’s go back to bed and finish what we started.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Why don’t you finish the rest of the bag since that’s clearly way more important than spending time with me.” 

She then went into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it behind her. Nikki banged on the door. 

“Y/N, get out here,” he groaned. “Don’t do this to me.” 

“Just go hang out with Vince. I don’t want to talk to you right now.” 

“I’m not leaving until you come out.” 

“I’ll come out when you get rid of the stash.” 

“Y/N-.” 

“Get it out of the room or else.” 

Nikki groaned and went back to the bed. He put on some pants, grabbed the stash, and went out the door, slamming it behind him. He was about to head to Tommy’s room when he saw Vince making out in the hallway with a blonde from a concert. He tossed the bag at Vince.

“The fuck?!” Vince called out. 

Nikki went back into the room. He threw his hands up. “It’s gone. Happy now?!” 

The bathroom door opened and Y/N stepped out. She folded her arms across her chest. Her eyes, bright red and glossy, were enough to hit him with guilt.

“I get that you want to be like Ozzy and you want to do stupid shit,” she began, her voice soft her stern, “but I also don’t want you to lose you because you can’t control yourself or your habits.” 

“It’s not that bad-.” 

“You snort first thing in the morning, before a show, after the show - you can’t even have sex with me without needing it! How do you think that makes me feel?” 

Nikki bit his bottom lip, exhaling quietly. He took her hand and rubbed her knuckles. “I’m sorry. I never meant to upset you.” 

She lowered her head. “I hate that it bothers me because I don’t want to tie you down, but I also don’t want to lose you.” 

He kissed the top of her head. “You won’t. I promise.” 

She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head. “I’ll try cutting back on it, alright?” 

She nodded. He pulled back and lifted her chin with his fingers. “I love you.” 

Her eyes widened, mouth gaping open. She stepped back. “What did you just say?”  

He blinked. “I love you.” 

She always knew he did, but enough time had passed to where she was ok with never hearing it and just embracing his show-not-tell. Once those three words came out of his mouth, it didn’t matter that it took so long for him to say it. In fact, it solidified everything he’d done to show he loved her. 

Her lips curved into warm smile as a tear fell down her cheek.“I love you too.” 

He grabbed her face, pressing a sloppy kiss against her lips. At that moment he didn’t need anything or anyone, but her.

A couple days later in Clearwater, Florida, the boys and Y/N hung around the pool area of their hotel. The boys sat in the beach chairs, soaking up the sun. Y/N emerged from the pool, wearing a black strapless bikini top with a matching high cut bikini bottom. As she was wringing her hair with hands, Nikki watched her intently. He wanted to take her right then and there, not caring if the other guests around were watching.  

She made her way to Nikki, grabbing her drink off the ground when Tommy smacked her butt. He smirked. 

“I’m sorry,” he laughed.

Y/N leaned up and used her free arm to smack him across the face. Mick stifled a laugh as Vince and Nikki roared into fits of laughter. 

“Dude!” Tommy cried out. 

“Shouldn’t have touched me,” Y/N shrugged.

She grabbed her drink and curled up against Nikki’s body, throwing one leg over his. Her head nestled against his chest. He threw one hand over her. 

“You should’ve come in the pool with me,” she whispered. 

“We’ll come back tonight, just you and me,” he whispered back.

“Sans clothing I assume?” 

He chortled. “Such a perv. I love it.” 

Just then a woman in a hot pink bikini walked by them, catching all Vince and Tommy’s eyes. Nikki glanced at her for moment before Y/N smacked his arm. 

“Subtle,” she snorted. 

Nikki chuckled and turned to Vince. “How many chicks have you fucked so far?”

He thought for a moment. “Three?” 

“No, not today. On the tour.” 

“Oh man.” He thought again, before laughing. “I lost count after that gang bang in Salt Lake City.” 

“That was fun,” Nikki laughed. 

Vince turned to Micky who was sitting at a table, an umbrella protecting him from the sun. “What about you, old man?”

“Did you ever stop to think that the slobs who fuck you guys probably fuck every other band who comes through town?” 

Y/N threw her hand up. “Thank god someone finally fucking said it!” 

Vince, Nikki, and Tommy all looked at each and burst into laughter. Vince nodded. “Yes, yes they do.” 

“Dude we’re like pussy brothers with the whole scene,” Tommy said. 

“I happen to have respect for myself and the female of our species, unlike you animals,” Mick said simply.

Y/N turned her head to him and held out her drink. “And on behalf of the entire female species, we thank you. We should hold parades in your honor.” 

Mick gave her a little smile, shaking his head. 

Just then the sound if hands clapping caught their attention. They all looked up to see Ozzy entering the pool area, wearing nothing but a woman’s yellow floral dress. 

“Let’s have some fucking fun, huh?!” he announced to the pool area. 

Everyone’s eyes fell to the Prince of Darkness as Y/N let out a laugh. Nikki toasted his drink. “Morning Oz!” 

Ozzy turned to the old couple and pointed at them. “You guys need some drinks?” He bent forward and flashed his bare ass at them with a dollar bill sticking out of his crack. “Drinks are on me!” 

This woman’s about to shit herself, Y/N thought to herself.

“Go on! Take it!” Ozzy encouraged her. “C’mon! It’s like a piggy bank in there!”

Nikki and Y/N continued laughing, Y/N’s drink almost slipping from her hand. Ozzy leaned forward and made his way toward the boys announcing “Drinks are on me!” 

“Morning Oz,” Tommy greeted him. 

“I’ll take a refill,” Nikki said, holding up his drink. 

“Yeah same here,” Y/N agreed, holding up hers. 

Ozzy’s eyes went to her, his grin widening. “Mornin’ there kitten! Good to see you out and about!” 

He lifted his dress, flashing the group. Y/N turned her head away. 

“Jesus Christ, Oz,” she grumbled. 

“I know it’s bigger than Sixx’s,” he laughed. 

“You’re not wrong.” 

The other boys laughed while Nikki squeezed her playfully. Ozzy then climbed up the empty life guard chair. 

“I gotta hand it to you Oz,” Nikki began, “All these years, and you’re still keeping up with us kids.”

Ozzy sat on the chair. “Keeping up? I’ve fucking lapped ya, mate. Now come here and have a talk with your Uncle Oz.” He motioned toward them. “C’mon, c’mon. Even you, kitten! Come along now, kitten!” 

Y/N sighed and got up from the chair as she and the boys came toward the life guard stand. 

“Now this is your first real tour, right?” he asked them. “I want you to be careful. Have fun, but know when to say when. ‘Cause a life full of booze, drugs, and unprotected sex is only gonna fuck you up, man. I mean, you take it too far and you’ll go fucking mad!” 

Ozzy jumped off the stand, Tommy and Vince grabbing him to make sure he was ok. He turned to the boys. “And give me a straw. I fancy a bump.” 

“We’re all out of blow dude,” Tommy told him. 

“I said I want a bump!” Ozzy snapped, turning to Tommy. “Straw please!”

Tommy handed him the straw from his drink. Ozzy gave the boys and Y/N a look before jumping onto the ground. Y/N took note of the straw that was up his nose was going so close to the line of ants on the ground. 

He better fucking not, she thought.

But he did. Ozzy Osbourne inhaled a line of ants as if it were cocaine. The boys groaned in disgust while Y/N began gagging. Ozzy stood up and turned to the boys.

“You think you’re ready for that, man?” he challenged. “Do ya? Do ya think you’re ready for that?” 

Next thing they knew, Ozzy took a hold of his member and began urinating on the cement. e boys “ooh”ed as Y/N’s gagging only got worse. Onlookers, young and old, inside and outside the pool gasped in disgust. A couple of girls laughed. 

“Sorry,” Nikki said to onlookers. 

Ozzy finished and then turned to the boys. “Everyone else has a drink.” 

And then, Ozzy Osbourne, in a move only Ozzy Osbourne would do, bent down and licked his own piss. At this point, onlookers were screaming. Mothers were escorting their young children out of the area, covering their eyes. As the boys hollered, Y/N could feel a wave of nausea hit her like a train. 

“I’m gonna fucking puke,” she mumbled. 

As Ozzy stood up, Tommy praised, “You’re a god dude!” 

Nikki then handed Y/N his drink. “Crazy fucker. Watch this.” 

He began unzipping his pants and Y/N eyes shot open.

“Nikki please don’t,” Y/N begged. 

“Dude c’mon!” Tommy pleaded.  But Nikki didn’t care. He began urinating over the cement carelessly. Y/N set down the glasses and grabbed Nikki’s shoulder as he zipped up his pants. 

“Are you fucking insane?!” she exclaimed. 

He smirked at her and just as he leaned down to lick, Ozzy pushed him aside and began licking Nikki’s urine. 

At that point, Y/N rushed out of the pool area and began vomiting in the bushes outside the area. Mick came to her, rubbing her back as she continued vomiting. 

“I’m gonna kill him,” she winced. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Mick grumbled. “Crazy fucker.”

Nikki came over and pushed Mick’s hand off of her. But the second his hand got to her back, Y/N stood up and slapped his hand away. 

“Find your own room to sleep tonight,” she growled. 

She then stormed into their room, slamming the door behind her. Nikki sighed. It was gonna take a miracle to fix this.

After the incident in at the pool area, Y/N would barely speak to Nikki. No matter how much he sweet talked her and coaxed her into talking to him, she wouldn’t budge. Doc, after hearing about what happened, had made sure she got her own room. 

That night at the concert, Y/N stayed near Doc and only looking at Nikki when he was onstage. 

She couldn’t believe he would be so stupid as to attempt lick his own urine in front of everyone just to show off Ozzy Osbourne. 

The next morning after Florida, Ozzy’s wife Sharon joined the tour. Suddenly Ozzy went from being a wild animal to completely domesticated. It was a fascinating switch to watch, especially for Y/N and the boys. The man who licked not only his urine, but someone else’s and who snorted ants, was now calm and going to bed right after concerts. Y/N didn’t even see a drink in his hand whenever Sharon was around. 

Y/N wished she had whatever magic Sharon had.  

On the bus ride to their next destination, Y/N had on her headphones as she listened to music on her walkman. Nikki took a seat beside her and tapped her shoulder. She took off her headphones. 

“I miss you,” he told her. 

“I miss the old you,” she responded sharply. “The one who didn’t need to attempt to lick his own pee!” 

Nikki bit his bottom lip. “I’m really, really sorry. I was just trying to have fun.” 

She turned her head away. He brushed her hair away and began kissing her neck. “Let me make it up to you.

She felt herself smirk and glanced over at him. “If you’re a good boy tonight, maybe after the show I’ll let you.” 

Nikki smirked back as Y/N put back on her headphones.

***********************************************************************************************

During their set that night, Vince leaned into the mic. “This last song goes out to a very special person here with us tonight.”

The audience cheered as he went on. “This song was written by our bassist, Nikki Sixx, for a very, very special lady in his life - his girl Y/N. So Y/N, this one’s for you.” 

Just then, “Looks That Kill” began to play. Y/N fought back a smile as she bopped her head along. Doc, who was standing beside her, chuckled.

Now, listen up She's a razor sharp If she don't get her way She'll slice you apart Now she's a cool, cool black She moves like a cat If you don't get her game Well, you might not make it back She's got the looks that kill That kill She got the looks that kill That kill She's got the look She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill Now she's bulletproof She keeps her motor clean And believe me, you She's a number thirteen The church strikes midnight She's lookin' louder and louder She's gonna turn on your juice, boy Oh, then she turns on the power She's got the looks that kill That kill She got the looks that kill That kill She's got the look She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got the look Now, listen up She's a razor sharp If she don't get her way She'll slice you apart Now she's a cool, cool black Move like a cat If you don't get her game You might not make it back She's got the looks that kill That kill She got the looks that kill That kill She's got the look She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill

When Nikki got off the stage, he headed toward Y/N. “How was that?” 

Y/N held out hand. “Take me to your dressing room now before I change my mind.” 

As Nikki led her back to his dressing room, they passed Ozzy and Sharon. 

“Use you protection!” he called out to Nikki. 

Y/N turned her head to say something when she noticed Sharon giving her a look. Y/N smile fell and before she could think anything, Nikki pulled her into the room and locked the door.

Later that evening, Y/N finished getting ready for bed in her hotel room. Nikki would join her later as he was out with Vince doing god knows what. 

There was a knock on the door. Y/N made her way over and opened the door to find Sharon Osbourne staring there. 

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” she greeted. She looked over Y/N’s shoulder. “Is Nikki around?”

“No, it’s just me. He’s out with the boys and maybe Ozzy.” 

“Ozzy’s sleeping in his room,” she corrected. “Anyway, I was coming by to ask if you’d like to grab a drink with me? Very rarely do I meet an actual girlfriend and not...well...you know.” 

Y/N nodded her head, confused and yet intrigued by the invitation. “Let me change and then I’ll go with you.” 

Sharon gave a nod as Y/N closed the door. Something felt off. 

[forgottenvoice]

I have finally finished finals this semester and will now try and do some more writing. To all of my new followers because of the HASO story, like I said before that was a one off story, however I think I am going to do a rewrite of it because I am not entirely satisfied with the state and flow of it at current.

Quick context for this one, I am/was an army brat and so this is half personal experience half an amalgamation of the experiences of all my friends. Dont necessarily take this as exactly what it's like for everyone as experiences may vary.

Also if any of you like a specific part of this story let me know. I can write at least this much on any subsection of this story alone. So if something catches your eye I am more than happy to write on it.

..........

I sit in a pool of memories slowly drifting from thought to thought. Moving time is upon us and in preperation it's time to purge all unnecessary items from the house. I flash back to when I was younger, my mom is holding up a cheap drive-thru toy. She looks at me expectantly waiting for a response to a silent question.

"Let go," I say as she drops the item in a box bound for good will only to hold up another object of mine.

In years past this process of sorting through all of my belongings was a team effort between my parents and I, but now since I am older and my younger brother needs the help, I am left to my own to sift through my possessions.

I tip over a box of assorted things and wonder through my past lives. Each object acts as a mile marker through my life and each move a save point. Any thing that I have kept until now, my 10th move in 16 years, has, if not clearly designed for enjoyment or play, held some significance to me. Almost nothing out of this box is discarded because as the years go on the importance of these objects only increases.

Not only is this process a reminder for me of all my past appearances, it serves a highly functional purpose. The first is that the government will only pay for so much to be moved and we typically own more than they are willing to pay for, so we cut back. The second reason is in acknowledgment of a harsher reality of the world, people don't care about kids stuff. Unless one takes great care to prepackaged or show that the objects in a child's room are fragile, everything from toys to trophies will all be haphazardly thrown into a random box.

I move on carefully looking over my display case looking for anything that could easily break if not properly stored. My eyes come to rest on a fake flower made out of fabric by my mom. The pain of high school love torn apart bites at my mind. This flower was the partner to the corsage that I gave to my date to prom. I remember being so excited to go with her because I am homeschooled and never thought I would get anything like a prom. But it doesn't matter now, her family moved in the opposite direction that we were going about 4 weeks ago. I almost leave the flower there, resolving to let fate decide if it is valuable, but as I am turning a away my hand reaches out on seemingly its own and drops the fake plant into an old cigar box for protection. I guess I will control fate this time

.......

The house is empty and clean. Everyone is doing one last walk through of this place to make sure nothing is left behind even though something always is. As I look for anything I also remember everything making sure to not leave a single memory trapped in the walls of this temporary home of mine. As I tramp down the stairs, in my head I am gliding gracefully on a piece of a box after moving in. Mom insisted on being safe and I can now almost see the pile of stuffed animals and pillows that my brothers and I had piled at the end of the make shift ramp to satisfy her worry. As I jump into the nonexistent pile, I drop into the living room, where, despite all the cleaning we did, I can still see the spots on the carpet from the feet of the sofa, a sofa my mom was confined to for the better part of our time here while she was busy kicking cancer's ass. A darkness sets at the edge of my vision slowly consuming all I can see as my head is bombarded by negative memories from those days. As I hit the door, the light from outside shatters the dark over my mind like a hammer through glass. As we pull away I want nothing to do with that house again, not even looking back one last time.

....

I lay piled under the stiff covers of the hotel. It is the night before we leave for the airport and I start to unpack the last few days. They have gone by like a blur but I know I will remember them for years to come. First there was my eagle scout ceremony where I reaped the reward of all my hard work over specifically the last few months but really the past 6 years. It was the last time I will see most of those people given that none of them were military and I plan on never ending up back here. Then there was chapel. The last service at this place where I tried to just act like everything was normal, just a regular Christmas sunday. I showed up 2 hours early just like every week, where I then took my place in the sound booth mixing the best sound that the chapel had in years or so I have been told. It all went wrong though when the preacher leaned his head into the booth telling me to turn on his mic for one quick last announcement, where I was called up on stage for a farewell. However, the one "last time" that I really will miss happened earlier in the day when I hung out with my friends for the last time. The group had shrunk considerably by that time due to a huge fallout between members and others were taken by the army but what remained was solid. As I left them I said seeya because you never know when the army will bring friends back together. Well for that reason and one other. In the days leading up to the move you see everyone at different random times and so you never really know when you will see them for the last time. It is always easier to say a casual goodbye everytime and never actually have a formal one than to treat every farewell like the last one and live the pain multiple times. However, less pain doesn't mean no pain. I blank my mind for the rest of the night gathering all emotions and putting them in a cardboard box to unpack later in more healthy time.

.....

On the plane something magical happens. You see noone but a select few get to rewrite their lives every few years. During transition, when the body and mind are free of the last place, a morph occurs. This change is unseen by all because your family already knows the real you. However you get to change yourself completely before landing at the new place. You get to change what information you share with everyone and by selecting how you act and what you reveal you can choose who you are to everyone. The best part is there is noone from your old life to mess it up and break the illusion and throw a wrench into the act. You can become whomever you want to be. It takes skill to execute properly, it requires that you craft a mask so intricate and durable that noone questions its authenticity and no shock can damage it, but I have had a life times worth of practice. Who will I become only I know and who I was is only stored in the memories of objects in boxes and the minds of people thousands of miles away.

....

It's been almost 4 years since that move yet it still sticks out in my head. I did not know it at the time but it was the last move I ever made with my family. My plans changed and I started my life before i had originally planned and now moves like that are a thing of the past, a memory held in objects. Unfortunately with growing up requires one last mask switch, this one more permanent. Hopefully my experience beyond my years set my up better than my peers at finding the correct one. Who knows what it will look like when it is finished. I have been working on this one for the longest time of any, nearly 2 years now, much longer than a single plane flight. It won't be done for at least another 2 but we will see. I can only hope I will be happy with this one because unlike the cyclic replacement of masks in my youth, when I decide to put this one on who knows when it will come off.

[svubloods]

Imagine being the Youngest Reagan: Just the Seven of Us

(A/N: Something different but fun. Just cute really. I hope you enjoy!)

Imagine being the Youngest Reagan: Just the Seven of Us

Staten Island, New York City, New York 1996

Joseph Reagan observed his parents sceptically, to the point he could feel his right eyebrow quirked up in suspicion as he watched them from his position in the backseat. They were certainly acting normally, he thought, as the continued to speak casually to Jamie, your brother, about his high school electives. Everything seemed normal but something was off and Joe knew it. He didn't understand where they were going, why they were being so secretive about it and why they had organised it like this so that they were only ones clued in. Joe’s younger siblings sixteen-year-old Jamie and eight year old Y/N clearly wasn't as curious as he was but maybe that was because as they both still lived at home and going on trips with them on the weekend weren't an unusual occurrence for them unlike Joe, who was now living on the Columbia Campus in the city after starting his freshman year there a few months ago. What was even weirder was that his older sister Erin, a Junior at Columbia, and older brother Danny, a rookie cop, were instructed to meet them at whoever they heading, no excuses. Which meant that unlike him who had decided to catch the train to Staten Island to his parents from the city a day early and stay the night before, they knew where they were all heading.

Though he was naturally curious, he trusted his parents and didn't dwell on it. So he pulled away from his intrigued thoughts and his view of the blurring Staten Island streets through the window to look at his little sister. Who was sandwiched comfortably between him and Jamie in the middle seat at the back seat of the car? He watched amused as she read the book tightly clutched in her small hands intently, her face slightly screwed up in concentration. It was a face that he knew all too well, his Mother and older sister Erin made similar faces when concentrating as well.

He was glad she was enjoying the book. His mom had been telling him that ever since moved out and gave her the book; ’The Ultimate Kid’s Guide to All Things Science’ that she hadn’t put it down. And today was no exception, the book enough to entertain her during the seemingly long trip. Though didn’t need his mom to tell him that she had been enjoying it, she told him every Sunday when he took the train back up for Sunday Lunch back at his parents. He was happy that she was liking it so much, especially as the whole reason he gave it to her was so that on the day he left, she would be too distracted to get too upset. Despite the age difference, Joe shared a very special bond with his baby sister. Unlike Jamie who thought he was too cool and Erin and Danny who were too much older, he loved spending time and talking to her. In fact, he missed hearing about her second grade, well now third-grade escapades. It was either his little sister was a great storyteller or that the lives of eight and seven years olds were vastly more interesting than his own.

Joe leaned into her side gently and bowed his head to whisper to her so that only she could hear.

“Whatcha reading?” He whispered, glancing at the page she was reading.

“How to make a volcano out of paper-mâché!” You whispered excitedly, looking at him with a large grin, “And before it said that inside volcanos there is lava and it's really hot!”

“Lava?” He asked, encouragingly, chuckling to himself as you flipped the page back and pointed at it dramatically.

“Molten rock!” You stated, confidently.

“Woah,” He played along happily, “So you’re enjoying the book then?”

“It’s the best present ever,” You exclaimed, though you were still whispering to each other, “Thank you, Joey,”

“But you still miss me right?” He teased.

You nodded with a playful pout just empathise how much you still missed him and he put his arm around you and gave you a squeeze.

“You’re squishing me!” You squealed, your face pressed up against his torso so it was muffled. 
“It’s because I love you so much,” He jokingly singsonged, keeping you pressed into his side as he rocked you from side to side, the best he could from your strapped down position in the car.

“What’s going on back there?” Your Dad’s voice asked with teasing sternest from the driver’s seat, you both glanced forward to see his fascinated eyes fixated on the both of you in the rearview mirror. “Just the usual,” The nineteen-year-old quipped, acting in a way to arouse fake suspicion and to entertain you,  “Lava, college, our plans for world domination,”

“Is that right?” Your Dad entertained, looking at his eight year old daughter directly, “What will the great Y/N/N dominate first?”

You paused for a second your face contorting in concentration once again before responding.

“Manhattan,” You declared.

“You might want to ask Grandpa first,” He chuckled.

“Why do I need to ask Grandpa?” You whined, looking at him confused in the rearview mirror.

“Well, he’s the Police Commissioner remember? And that means it’s his job to make sure police officers like me and Danny do their job and protect people. Which includes stopping takeovers from tyrannical eight-year-olds,” He explained, purposely.

“What are you going to do if Grandpa says no, Y/N?” Jamie asked, his conversation over now, and his full attention refocused onto your interaction.

“Ask Grandma, she always says yes!” You revealed, “Especially when I make my eyes big like this,”

You widened your eyes with your fingers and pouted playfully which much to your confusion made everyone else in the car laugh.

“Can I know where we are going now?” Joseph asked your parents when the laughter died down.

“Patience, young Joseph,” Your Mother teased, whipping round to smirk at him, “All will be revealed,”

“You and your dramatics Mother,” Joe quipped, rolling his eyes at his mother and her antics, but he couldn't help the laugh that spilt over despite his best attempts to control himself.

“You hear that Frank?” She giggled, grabbing hold of his arm as he drove, “He’s serious, he called me mother,”

“Should we tell him?” Your Dad entertained, his eyes on the road ahead.

“Yes you should,” He interrupted, “Danny and Erin already know, so it’s only fair that I know too,”

“Well, that’s because there is too many of you to fit in the car,” Your Mom shrugged.

“I don’t know where we are going either,”Fifteen-year-old Jamie added, making sure he was apart of the conversation as well.

“Why can’t I know what I’m giving up my Saturday for?” Joe countered.

“Because you should be happily willing to spend your Saturday with us regardless of the exact details,” Your Mom refuted, “And anyway let’s be honest Joey, you didn't have any plans anyway,”

Jamie snorted.

“Hey,” Joe protested, “I had plans,”

“With Tia?” Jamie joked, rolling out her name as Joe’s cheeks went red.

“Shut up!”

“Whose Tia?” Your mom asked, perking up and suddenly eager, “Don’t tell me I have to start helping to plan another son’s wedding,”

“Mom,” Joe groaned in embarrassment, sinking in his seat slightly.

“That will teach you to try and ruin the surprise,” She laughed, “Now Jamie, how was football practice yesterday?”

It wasn’t long after that, that you arrived at your destination. You pilled out the car and marvelled in wonder at was before you as your brothers quickly followed you. Your parents with smiles on their faces grabbed all your things.

“Coney Island?” Joe questioned in disbelief, “You made me travel from Manhattan to Staten Island only to take me to Brooklyn?”

“We didn't make you come a day early,” Your Dad reminded.

“But you understand that this could have been so much easier, right? If you had told me where we were going for this family Day out!” He protested, helplessly.

“But think of all the fun you had on the journey up with us,” Your mom comforted, side hugging Joe tightly which he quickly returned.

“Now, we have to wait for your brother and sister to get here,” Your Dad announced.

“Babe, give Danny a call to see how long they’ll be,” Your Mother suggested, her and Joe circling the car towards your Dad while you and Jamie stood looking hopefully at the entrance, “He said that Erin was coming with him,”

“JJ is that a rollercoaster? You squealed as the distinctive whoosh of it breezed past you.

“Probably,” He nodded, before crouching down beside you, “But I have a feeling you might be too small to go on,”

“Noooo, why can’t I be taller!” You huffed, slamming your small foot adorned with a thin white sandal on the concrete.

“Maybe next year you'll grow,” He shrugged, nervously, suddenly regretting answering your question without backup, rookie mistake.

“But I want to go on now!” You insisted, “Maybe I’ll grow before we get there, lets go and see!”

“Well, how about we do something else together, instead? Because that’s not going to happen” He offered, hopefully.

“Like what?” You demanded, narrowing your little eyes at him and frowning.

“I’ll buy you a hotdog,” He smiled.

“You don't have any money,” You sighed, disappointed.

“Okay, I’ll get Dad to buy us both hotdogs,” He clarified.

“I want two,” You babbled, “I didn't have breakfast, so I'm really hungry,”

“Why not?”

“I wanted to save space for my milkshake,” You answered before grinning and adding, “Daddy said I could have one if I’m good,”

“How did you know you could get a milkshake?” He questioned.

“Because,” You began dramatically, “Mommy told me where we were going yesterday, she said we were going to the beach and they had milkshakes there. And I love milkshakes!”

“Why didn't you say anything?”

“Because if I had told you then it wouldn't be a secret and it was a secret,” You reiterated.

He was about to say something else only to be interrupted by the arrival of your older siblings, twenty-three-year-old Danny and twenty-one-year-old Erin.

“All right, we’re here and now tell us why,” Danny announced after he and Erin greeted your parents and the rest of you.

“Now that everyone is here,” Your Mother beamed, “I’ll explain. Your Father and I thought it would be fun to get all of us together for a proper family day, just the seven of us, because it’s very rare we all get together just us and because this might be our last chance as just seven ever before my baby boy get married next weekend,”

Your Mother finished her explanation by engulfing Danny into her embrace and squeezing his cheeks.

“Ma,” He cried, but he did little to remove himself from her grasp, “So that’s why I couldn't bring Linda, huh?”

“We wanted to celebrate it being just the seven us of us,” Your Dad added, going over and clapping Danny on the back, “Before you start your new family,”

“Well not any time too soon, hopefully,” He cringed, not enjoying both of his parent's undivided attention even if it was only for a few moments.

“A new family?” You whispered to yourself.

“Shh,” Jamie sounded, putting his finger to his lips as your parents continued to speak.

You were too consumed with your own confused thoughts to focus on what everyone was saying. All you could remember was looking up at everyone, everyone was smiling and laughing and your frowning at them all but they didn’t seem to notice.

“So we have dinner reservations at a restaurant for Seven, so if we end up splitting up that’s where we will meet,” Your Mom continued to explain, “But since this is a family day I hope we all be sticking together all day and yes I’m looking at you boys,”

Jamie and Danny protested the statement, your Dad and Joe just laughed.

“Oh,” You Mother cried, before pulling all five of you into a bear hug, you only reached her hips so once again your face was squished, “I can’t believe I get to believe I get to spend all day with all five o my babies,”

“Mom, don’t cry,” Erin said above you.

“I might not survive the day if you keep crushing my windpipe,” Danny spluttered.

She quickly released everyone before commenting playfully, “Sorry, for loving you all so much,”

“Come on let’s get going,” Your Dad instructed and with that, you made your way.

From there the seven you made your way around Coney Island. Constantly stopping and starting again, as everything seemed to grab the interest of at least one of you. None of you had realised how much you all had to catch up on with each other, everyone had something going on in their lives that they hadn't mentioned yet or fully explained. Your mother adored having all of you together and the fact that all of you were so close despite the large age differences. It was something she always worried about and the fact that sometimes he felt like she was always being pulled in five different directions which meant at least one of you was always left out. It was much easier when you were all together. Everyone was talking and enjoying themselves, happy. Just by simply being together.

Everyone except for you of course. You couldn't enjoy yourself as much as everyone else. Being the youngest meant that you couldn't participate in the rides that Joe and Jamie wanted to go on or a lot of the activities your Mom and Erin went off to do. So for a good proportion of the day you were on the sidelines with whoever was designated to take care of you. Not that you minded at that point, you were too upset but no one seemed to notice and it would fluctuate when you were distracted. Everyone was too distracted with enjoying themselves to notice that you weren't always. A lot of time to save time someone carried you round so that you wouldn't get too tired too quickly.

“What do you think, rockstar?” Your Mom asked bending slightly to meet you, as you stomped out of the dressing room of a kids clothing store that you, your mom and older sister Erin.

You frowned at the new denim dress that Erin had selected for you, which to you looked exactly like on you already had. You also shook your head to wobble the big red bow that Erin had put in your hair because she said it would match the new red shoes that your mom had selected.

“Well, that isn't a promising look,” She chuckled, grabbing your face in her hands and pulling it closer to hers, “What’s up?”

“I don’t like it!” You insisted.

“But you look so cute in it, well cuter than usual,” Your Mom winked at you with a reassuring grin, “What do you think Erin?”

“Y/N, you look adorable,” She complimented, playing with your mass of curly hair before straightening your bow.

“But I don’t want to be adorable,” You sighed.

“Then what do you want to be?” Your Mom questioned.

“A big girl,” You smiled, “So I can go on the rollercoasters,”

You Mom just chuckled while Erin who was at least a foot taller than your mom at that age knelt down beside you.

“You look like a big girl in that outfit,” she said.

“You’re just saying that because you picked it,” You frowned, narrowing your eyes at her suspiciously.

“No, I mean it,” She promised, “Look we’re matching,”

She gestured to the white and navy striped dress she was wearing and the shirt she had picked for you to wear under your new denim dress. Also white and navy.

“We are,” You beamed, your eyes lighting up before frowning again, “But you don’t like it when Mom tries to dress us the same,”

“I’ll make an exception for today,” She sighed.

“Really?”

“Only today because you look so amazing,” She teased, poking your ribs playfully and sticking your tongue at you.

“Is the lady satisfied?” Your Mom teased, shooting Erin a sneaky wink.

“Indeed,” You played along before you all left the store to meet the boys who were all waiting outside for you to finish.

“Can we go to the rides now?” Jamie asked as soon as you returned to the group.

Your Mom and Dad shared a look before looking down at you, knowing that you were too young to go on anything in that area. They seemed to interact telepathically, coming up with a plan without saying a word to each.

“All right boys, let’s go,” Your Mom responded as Jamie and Joe ran ahead.

“I’ll go too,” Erin added, walking alongside your mom.

Which left you, your Dad and Danny at the storefront. You looked up expectantly at your Dad, purposely ignoring your older brother.

“Hey kiddo, how about we try out some carnival games?” Danny asked.

“No,” You stated, ducking behind your Dad’s legs.

“No?” He repeated, taken aback.

You nodded before grabbing hold of your Dad tightly, his hands flying down to steady you.

“Oh okay,” He nodded.

“Why don’t you go catch up with everyone Danny,” Your Dad suggested pointedly leaving it as just the two of you.

He gathered you up in his arms and held you tightly against him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the Carnival?” He asked, studying your young face.

“Let’s go,”

Fifteen minutes you were happily throwing beanbags and even though you weren't making any progress on the towers of steel cups, you were having fun. And your Dad seemed to be having fun just the two of you as well. He eventually stepped in and helped you win a prize, a toy money that was almost as big as you were.

“A monkey for my little monkey,” He grinned handing you the prize almost causing you to topple over.

“You hold it,” You squealed, shoving it back into his arms as he laughed at you.

He put the monkey over one shoulder and grabbed your hand as you continued your way through the carnival.

You babbled happily to him as you went and even though he engaged with you, usually as happy, he watched you with a curious eye. Not forgetting your interaction with your older brother as well as your mood throughout the day. You were in the middle of telling him the story of your day at school the day before when he bumped into a cop that he knew. Your Father soon became distracted by the conversation enough that you eased your hand out of his. You knew that your Dad loved to talk to other cops and that it might take a while. You looked around for something to do but trying to make sure that you stayed close. You knew better than to wander off. You looked around suspiciously about to give up before you heard some frustrated sighs from a booth beside you.

Curious as ever, you wandered over to see what was making the boy so upset. He was tall and skinny boy, only a couple of years older than you with really blonde hair and bright eyes. You watched for a few minutes as he kept failing to aim the water gun correctly, so he kept on missing his target. He huffed in defeat, turned around and noticed you.

“Oh,” He said in surprise, “Are you waiting to play?”

“No,” You answered much to his confusion, “I was watching you,”

“I’m not very good at this game so it probably wasn't very interesting,” He blushed, shoving his hands in his pocket awkwardly in embarrassment.

“If you want I can show you how to do it,” You offered, brightly, “This is my favourite game,”

“Okay,” He nodded, sceptically, stepping out the way for you.

“You have to do it like this,” You instructed, repeating how Danny had once taught you when playing with water guns in the backyard.

You raised the water gun up with two hands, and aimed it in the right position, keeping your eye on the target before pressing the lever and hitting the bullseye exactly. You kept your hand steady until the tank filled up and the bell rang, indicating that you won a surprise. Once it did and you were handed your prize, a keychain this time, you turned back to look at the boy.

He had been watching you with his mouth open.

“Here you go,” You insisted, giving him the keychain.

“But it’s yours,” He said.

“And I’m giving it to you,” You smiled, “Do you think you can do it yourself now,”

He nodded, “You’re really good at it,”

“My brother Danny showed me how to do it,” You informed brightly before frowning again.

“What’s wrong?” The boy asked.

“My brother is leaving!” You cried.

“Why?”

“He’s getting a new family,” You said, sadly.

“That’s too bad. You’re like the coolest sister ever,” He comforted.

“Really?”

“Yeah, none of my older sisters know how to shoot a water gun,” He sighed, “They just talk about girly things like clothes and boys,”

“Boys are gross,” You shuddered.

“Hey,” He protested, offended.

“Not you,” You corrected, “You’re my friend,”

“I am?” He grinned.

“Yeah,” You nodded. “I’m Dominick, but everyone calls me Sonny,”

“Like sunshine?” You giggled.

“Yeah,” He shrugged, bashfully.

“I’m Y/N,” You breathed, reaching to shake his hand, “Nice to meet you,”

You shook each other's hands vigour-sly before bursting into giggles. You continued to chat about the game as Sonny had another go himself. But you were soon interrupted by your Dad calling for you.

“I have to go now,”

“Bye,” He waved.

You waved back before running back over to your hug who bent down to greet you with a hug.

“Where did you run off to?” He inquired, bopping you on the nose.

“Over there playing a game with my friend,” You pointed, giggling as he shook you around playfully.

“You just make friends everywhere don’t you?” He chuckled as he clasped your hand and you continued to walk up the pier.

“That’s because it's easy,”

“Not for everyone,” He informed before you stopped and sat on a bench that looked out over the seafront, “Do you want to know a secret, Y/N?”

You nodded, turning to look up at your Dad.

“Your Mom and I sat on this very bench on our first date,”

“Really, it’s that old?” You asked.

“Must be,” He laughed, “I took your mother here for our very first date and after we spent all afternoon playing carnival games we came and sat here for hours,”

“And you didn't get bored?”

“I could never be bored when I’m with your mother,”

“Do you get bored of me?” You inquired, curiously.

“No, of course not. I could never get bored of you,” He promised, pulling you into his side, “You’re my baby girl,”

“Is Danny bored of us?” You continued, widening your eyes up at him.

“Why are you asking that?” You Dad returned, clearly concerned.

“Because he’s leaving and starting a new family,” You began to sob, your eyes filling with tears.

“Hey,” Your Dad comforted, wiping away the tears that spilt down your face, “Danny isn't leaving the family. He’s always going to be your brother and apart of this family, all of us will always be.”

“Then why did Mom say, it was last time?” You demanded.

“Because when Danny gets married next weekend, they’ll be eight of us,” He clarified.

“Eight?”

“Well won’t Linda will be one of us?”

“She is?” You exclaimed.

“She’s going to be a Reagan, just like you and just like me,” He reassured.

“I love Linda,” You grinned before lowering your voice, “Sometimes more than Danny,”

“I know you do,” He smiled, hugging you tightly before pulling you away at arm's length, “Now should we go find Danny so you can say sorry for being mean to him,”

You nodded reluctantly before your Dad carried you to the other end of the pier where everyone else was. As you approached, you saw Danny standing with your Mom as your other brothers and Erin rode a ride that was going faster than you had ever seen before. As soon as you were in reach, you made your Dad put you down and you ran up to Danny, slamming into his side with so much momentum that you almost knocked him over before you hugged him.

“What the…Y/N?” He said jumping in surprise before steadying himself.

“Hi,”

“Oh, are we speaking now?” He probed, looking down at you, “You’ve been frowning at me all day,”

“Because I thought you were leaving me” You pouted, “But I know you aren't so we’re friends again,”

“What if I don’t want to be friends with you?” He countered.

You felt your face crumble as you gazed up at him.

“All right, all right, we’re friends,” He insisted quickly, finally hugging you back, “Just never look that upset again, promise?”

“Promise,” You nodded before whispering, “Hey Danny?”

“What’s up kiddo?”

“I’m really happy that Linda is going to be a Reagan,”

“Me too,” He smiled, poking at your dimples as you smiled back at him.

For the rest of evening, you stuck by Danny’s side, sitting by him at dinner and letting him carry you on the beach when all seven of you took a final stroll on the beach before leaving. You don't remember saying goodbye to Danny, Erin or Joe. The next thing you remember is waking up in the car, it was dark outside and Jamie was asleep beside you while your Dad snored quietly in the passenger seat. Your Mom who was driving and had noticed you stirring.

“Did your Dad’s snoring wake you?” She whispered to you.

You shook your head stifling a giggle as your mom motioned for you to be quiet.

“Where are we going?” You asked.

“We’re heading home now,” She informed, “Did you have fun today?”

You nodded eagerly at her, “It was the best day ever,”

“I’m glad you had fun,” 

“Did you Mommy?” You inquired.

“It was best the day ever,” You smiled, repeating your sentiment.

“What was your favourite part?” You questioned, intrigued as much as you could be in your tried state.

“Spending time for you, of course,” She insisted before adding, “And going back to the pier with your Dad,”

“Because that’s where you had your first date!” You reasoned.

“How do you know that?”

“It’s a secret,” You breathed, putting a finger to your lips.

“Uh huh,” She nodded sceptically, “Or your Dad is a blabbermouth,”

[bigskydreaming]

Why did (do?) the Magivians film you with rage?

Racism, homophobia and anti-survivors trifecta. They had an epic case of Bury Your Gays back in S1 where like, their gay character had to kill his new love interest in self-defense after that guy was possessed by the bad guy, and then when he was understandably upset afterwards because they’d made a point to hype this guy up as the first guy he’d ever had real feelings for, his friends were like boohoo get over it, which was like…swell, lol. Oh and then that same character ended up forced into a marriage with a woman for the sake of some fantasy kingdom he didn’t even give a shit about and was all of his friends’ quest way more than it was his, and only then did they decide to have him say a line about how he was mostly gay but was occasionally into women so bi a little bit even though he’d always ID’d as gay before then so it felt like a patch job to cover up the fact that they only belatedly realized oh hey forcing our gay lead into a hetero marriage he doesn’t want to be in is maybe Not A Good Look. 

Oh and I do remember catching a bit of a S2 episode where like, the gay character was throwing an orgy in the palace to make himself feel better for being stuck in fantasy land ruling over a fantasy kingdom he gave no fucks about and was bored and lonely in….only to get chewed out by his wife slash queen (a native inhabitant of fantasy kingdom) about how rapey and coercive that was and an abuse of his power as king because his subjects didn’t feel like they had the option of opting out. Which to be perfectly clear, is an absolutely valid point to make….BUT the fact remains that like, they chose to write in that angle, and they chose to make their gay character the one to learn that Important Lesson About Consent and Power Dynamics….but oh yeah, they ALSO chose to write this particular gay character as forced into oh yeah, a hetero marriage he did not ask for and clearly did not want, for the sake of mystic prophecy bullshit resulting from someone ELSE’S personal quest. And that was just….so…oblivious to me? Its like….ummm….could you not have the Straights educate The Pervy Deviant Gay on Consent Issues WHILST FORCING HIM INTO A HETERO MARRIAGE WITH ONLY HIS EXTREMELY RELUCTANT AND DUBIOUS CONSENT AT BEST??? Hellooooooooooooooo??

Then the racism side of the Awful triangle was like, their only two PoC in the first season (other than the blind black headmaster who was all kinds of Tropey ‘Cryptic and Thus Untrustworthy’ from the way the narrative was framed which, no, stop)….the only other two PoC in the first season and main cast were the girl who just so happened to be set up by the plot as the one revealed to be the ‘traitor’ or whatever who was there at the school under false pretenses and just stealing magic for other hedge witches. Like yes, she was under duress because they were threatening her mom I think? But I mean it was still like super predictable having her be the character that was put in that position and forced to fill that role. And then Penny, the man of color in the main cast, like, again I only watched the first season sporadically because I was like Nope every other episode and just skimmed in the hopes it would get better cuz everyone I knew kept raving about it, but I specifically remember one scene where like Penny was singled out by one of his teachers and told how he was super powerful like way more than any of his peers because he had like wild magic or something…BUT then the teacher went on to basically tell him this was more of a curse than a gift because his own power would eventually burn him out and destroy him or something like that. It was definitely framed as an inevitability, like, just his fate, a natural consequence to being the kind of magician he was innately…super powerful but with a shortened lifespan essentially as a trade off, with no way around that. 

And he was something like a Traveler, able to take himself and his friends between worlds? Which was great and super necessary for the plot but also a big part of what made his magic so destructive for him himself in the long run, so essentially the man of color got set up to be a glorified taxi cab for his white friends aka the LITERAL plot vehicle, with it announced to him very early on in the show that like ‘dont be too happy about how mad powerful you are, cuz its basically just gonna kill you way before all your friends end up biting it, sucks to be you kinda’. Again, this was early on in the show so I don’t know if that changed or they added more context to that later, but just the fact that his character in particular, like Kady’s, just so HAPPENED to be the one singled out for that particular plot niche and accompanying fate, like….that was fucking bogus from the jump.

Oh and also there was that really cool (in that not all sort of way) and totally not at all predictable (in that it totally was sorta way) antiblackness that reared its ugly head the second S2 introduced the oft-mentioned ‘barbarian kingdom’ that bordered Fantasy Land…..because hey guess whether or not the first appearance of more than one black person at a time on the show was when a whole bunch of black people showed up in S2 as oh yeah, you guessed it….the natives of the neighboring BARBARIAN Kingdom. Classy, Magicians. Way classy.

And then the anti-survivors angle of the Triangle of Suck, like, the show fucking HATES ‘bad survivors.’ You know, survivors who don’t embrace forgiveness and tra-la-la their way into the sunset and recovery while weaving daisy chains and leaving all their anger and thoughts of vengeance and retribution behind them in the past? Like, god forbid a survivor fucking HATE the person who hurt them and want to make them pay, which was essentially Julia’s S2 arc I believe? And boy was she fucking punished for that. Shit just got worse and worse for her, and it only got better when she decided to try the Healing Power of Forgiveness! Unlike one of her fellow survivors, raped by the same bastard who hurt her, who was also on the same Vengeance Quest as her, except she got murdered extremely graphically and painfully onscreen in like…narratively framed as a See Kids This Is Why Revenge Is Bad And You Should Not kinda way, that Julia was pretty clearly meant to learn from and Make Different Choices. 

Oh and let’s not forget that the initial antagonist of the series, the dreaded Beast who killed tons of people and was the one who possessed the gay guy that the other gay guy had to kill right after their makeout session in self defense cuz lol why would that be traumatic…yeah, that Beast…..let’s not forget that he was another Bad Survivor, a guy who was molested by one of the series’ Significant Backstory People years and years ago when he was just a kid. And thus he was pretty blatantly a case of Look How Stewing In Your Hate For What Happened To You Instead of Forgetting All Your Worries and Your Strife Will ABSOLUTELY Turn You Into A Literal Monster Who Murders People and Is Evil and Bad And Must Be Slain For the Good of Alllllll the Land.

And there was actually a lot more than just that because Survivors was a definite Thing on the show, with lots of them showing up and established as being survivors in various ways and almost all of them like….being the focus of the series like….perpetual hard on for torture and torturous death scenes for various satellite characters. Like don’t get me wrong, the series pretty much kills people left and right, its just it weirdly just so happens that the first people standing in line to either the left or the right tended to be PoC, women, survivors, gay/bi characters or characters who lucked out and got to be all of the above for the handful of scenes before they met their untimely ‘Wouldn’t Wish It On My Worst Enemy Let Alone On My Or Any Friend of Mine’s Only Representation On This Show’ demise.

Anyway, yeah I hate that show and it dinged all my NOPE alarms hard from day one and I kept checking back in on it over the first season and then a little bit off and on after that in the hopes it had gotten better because I kept fucking hearing all over twitter and tumblr how amazing it was and progressive it was and I’d watch the latest episode, jump up, yank my hair out and screech like a gibbon monkey while speaking in tongues and asking the universe to help explain to me what the fuck was I missing here, where was all this lauded Progressivism I was supposed to be taking away from all the miserable, tortured and murdered  - and also abused, raped and exploited  - PoC and occasional white gays or women tossed in to round out the variety pack??!?! Just did not see it, at all, Error 404 Not Found, Did Not Compute, and then I’d hop back on tumblr and see people raving about the same stuff that just whipped me into a frothing rage and I’d be like I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE WHAT IS GOING ON ARE WE USING THE SAME WORDS OR DO I NOT KNOW WHAT THE WORDS MEAN CORRECTLY OR….

Ugh. Yeah. So like I said….nooooot a fan. And also, fans of the show plz don’t @ me if I got things mixed up there or inaccurately remembered a scene I referenced, I’m not claiming to have perfect recall of a show that was actively pissing me off while I watched it and thus I was kinda TRYING not to pay full attention to. I just know that I definitely got a full helping of racism, homophobia and anti-survivor bullshit in SOME form or another from each and every episode I did watch. I freely admit that like, I’m not necessarily describing or denoting the actual things that pissed me off or registered that way to me, like.. for sure accurately here….again, I haven’t watched the show at all in a couple years and I’m not trying to be like This Is Definitely What Happened In This Scene and This Scene. Its more just one of those things where like, I definitely remember these are reasons I hated the show and I’ve put a lot of effort into NOT thinking about it or remembering it, so this is just how that jumbled mess all came out right now while trying to sort through it all and remember specific instances of the Triangle of Suck that made me rage so hard. There’s a reason I’ve never gone around actively engaging in Magicians Discourse or encouraging people not to watch it, lol, I don’t claim to be an expert on it or to have taken extensive notes of my Rage Reasons at the time of watching. Just that like….they were definitely there, and this was the general vicinity of the ones I can think of off the top of my head. 

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (106/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Five

It turned out that having Michelle know he was Spider-Man and acknowledging that she did was a good thing. Michelle was just all that much better about covering for Peter. Just the other day when they’d gone on a small class trip and Peter had spotted a mugging happening, it was Michelle that had distracted everyone long enough for Peter to get away unnoticed and then again when he rejoined them.

The only thing about Michelle was that unlike Ned, she actually seemed concerned about what Peter got up to. She worried. It was weird especially when she pretended that she didn’t in person and then sent him long rambling texts about how he wasn’t being careful and how close he came to getting injured or hurting others.

It was all on par with how much coverage Spider-Man had started to get from the media which Peter didn’t particularly like. At first it had seemed cool to be mentioned on the news all the time and to have articles about Spider-Man popping up everywhere. His favorite were the YouTube videos since those were usually fun to watch mostly because they weren’t all made by anyone truly professional. But after a while, even those got old. It got annoying. Tony definitely disliked it.

“I just don’t like how interested everyone seems to be in finding out your identity,” his dad said while they were tinkering in the workshop. “It’s none of their business.”

Peter liked listening to him rant. It was kind of hilarious especially when one considered Tony’s own media presence basically his entirely life.

“And it’s not like we’ve announced that you’re an Avenger or anything but some reason they just seem to associate you with us.”

That’s when Steve spoke up. “That’s because they see you out and about with him all the time as Iron Man and Iron Man is an Avenger.”

“That isn’t the point,” Tony said.

“And also, Peter’s the only hero that’s popped up that has a hidden identity. Gives everyone a mystery to want to solve.”

Tony muttered some more and Peter tried not to laugh. He could tell that Steve was amused too.

Since all that stuff with The Vulture, Tony still did tend to show up when Peter needed help. He was better about letting Peter be involved in things especially when they didn’t involve alien tech. They had stopped some weird guy with what seemed to be some sort of power -- Tony said he was probably an inhuman -- just the other day from destroying a big portion of Greenwich Village. The guy hadn’t been doing it on purpose it turned out it. It was just that his powers were so unstable. Peter had been glad to have Tony there because he didn’t a single person could have handled everything that instance entailed. Even Vision had made an appearance for that. In the end they had subdued the guy and Tony had handed him over to a the new Shield.

“But also, it’s not just the identity thing,” Tony kept on, “it’s that there’s varying degrees of coverage. He’s good for the city. He’s a vigilante. He’s an Avenger. He’s not. It’s ridiculous. At least no one seems to have put together that I built your suit. Or at least no one’s written an article about it yet. And can you imagine if anyone found out I had a son? Because then they would definitely start questioning whether you were the one under the mask and then my parenting would come into question.”

It was no surprise to Peter that Ned loved it. He had a whole collection on articles written about him and he would send Peter the more outrageous ones and Peter would pass those on to Steve because Steve loved reading them too. May seemed to agree with Tony on the whole matter. But then, May also tended to try and get Peter to quit being Spider-Man altogether whenever she saw him and it wasn’t something that was ever likely to stop. She liked to bring up questions about school and girlfriends and college and how Spider-Man wouldn’t be an ideal addition to any of those as her way of asking him to stop.

As he stepped out of Midtown one afternoon, Peter was surprised when he spotted Tony complete with a baseball cap, sunglasses, a grin, and a thermal cup that probably contained coffee, leaning against a sleek black car that at least proved to be his least flashy. Still, no matter how hard he was trying, he looked out of place and people were noticing him.

Michelle who had walked out with him spotted Tony with no problem and when Peter glanced at her he could practically see her thinking. Her left eyebrow rose and she stared him down.

“Is Tony Stark actually picking you up right now?”

Peter shook his head. “Nope. It’s all in your imagination. You’re hallucinating.”

Michelle laughed -- cackled more like and Peter grinned back at her as she nudged him and rolled her eyes. Ned appeared then, busy with his backpack as he walked, and only managing to not run into anyone because anyone in his path dodged him.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Your boy here is being picked up by Tony Stark. Fancy that. I bet Flash will be jealous.”

“Which is why I’m going to go before anyone else notices,” Peter said and rushed away. When he looked back Michelle waved and Ned grinned at him and gave him thumbs up.

“Hey,” Peter said when he was close enough.

“Hi, kiddo,” his dad said, “I was in the area so I figured I’d come by and get you. I was also sort of craving this apple crostini this one restaurant has so we’re going to have to make a stop for that. Up for it?”

Peter rolled his eyes but nodded. “Sure.”

They got into the car and when Peter looked out the window he realized that a few people were watching them. Someone must have caught onto Tony being there. Not that it really mattered since everyone knew that Peter had a Stark Internship. Of course, no intern could have ever expected for Tony Stark himself to show up to pick them up from school. He was definitely going to hear about it.

The restaurant Tony took them to was a hole in the wall that no one would have ever noticed and yet it was busy. A well known secret. Nevertheless, they were seated at a discrete table towards the back without much wait which told Peter that Tony had called ahead.

“Why are we really here?” Peter asked.

“I told you -- apple crostini. Also, remind me to order one to go because Steve would kill us if we don’t bring him one back. We used to come here sometimes back in the day.”

“Oh,” Peter said.

His dad never really talked about how he and Steve had come to be and Peter didn’t really have any questions or want to know details, but he loved when Tony slipped in something that hinted at a past memory. It made him realize how normal it all was in some ways. Sometimes, it was still shocking to think about Iron Man and Captain America in a romantic relationship or to consider that they were getting married until he thought about them as Tony and Steve -- his dad and his dad’s fiance.

“Truth is, I wanted to catch up with you,” Tony said. “Things have been a bit crazy lately. Haven’t really spent much time with you on our own. Steve or someone else is usually around.”

Peter hadn’t -- no, he’d noticed, it was just that he hadn’t minded. He’d never expected to have Tony to himself all the time and had felt lucky when he did even if then it had been broken up to a few hours here and there and now he was living in the tower and had access to Tony all the time and it didn’t really matter that there were other people around.   

“We can start with, who was the girl?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Who, Michelle? I’ve told you about her. She’s the one that figured out I’m Spider-Man all on her own.”

“MJ. You said someone named MJ did.”

“Michelle Jones. She likes to be called MJ. Anyway, that was her.”

Tony nodded. The waitress approached then and Tony ordered the apple crostinis and remembered to order the one to go as well without Peter needing to remind him.

“So she’s super smart and observant,” Tony said.

“Yup. Definitely knew it was you waiting for me. Actually, I think a few people figured it out.”

Tony shrugged with a grin. “And they can all wonder about what your internship entails once more.”

Tony started asking about how things were going in school next and Peter filled him in even though he was sure he’d mentioned some of it to him in passing over the last few weeks.

The apple crostini turned out to be amazing. He was in the middle of telling Tony about what they’d started working on in physics when it arrived and after one bite of the crunchy and flaky crust with the warm apple filling and the ice cream and Peter was in heaven.

“I told you so,” Tony said.

“This is the best thing ever,” Peter said.

It was nice to have some time on his own with Tony. Tony told him all about how the board members were driving him and Pepper crazy because they didn’t like that Tony’s concern wasn’t all about profit when it came to the prosthetic division even when it came to custom projects.

“It’s like they don’t understand how good the PR is although that obviously isn’t why we’re doing it.”

“But it’s your company,” Peter said.

“Pepper and I own more than half of the shares of the company, sure, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to deal with the board of directors. It’s the side of business that I don’t particularly like. Pepper is awesome at it. It’s all stuff you’ll have to learn about if you want to take over the company one day--”

“Um, what?” Peter said and almost choked on a piece of apple.

Tony chuckled. “Won’t be for a while and it’s up to you if you want it. It’s not an obligation, you know. You could find your own Pepper Potts and have someone else run it if you prefer. I rather you do what you want than what you think I want you to do so--”

Peter had sort of forgotten about how Tony had broken the news to him what felt like ages ago even though it hadn’t even been a full year yet. He’d forgotten how Tony told him that he would inherit everything as if that had been the right way to let him know that Tony was his father. Since then, Peter hadn’t really thought about it or the reality of what it actually meant which meant that it was overwhelming information to take in.

“I -- that’s--”

“What, did you forget that I’m Tony Stark? You’re my heir, kid, to this whole crazy company and whatever else I’ve accumulated.”

“But what if -- what if you and Steve have kids?” Peter asked.

It wasn’t something he’d considered before that moment, but wasn’t that what people did after they got married? They went and had kids. Peter was aware that Tony and Steve were both men but there were ways around that -- surrogacy or adoption or other weirder things. It was possible. Peter didn’t know if -- well, he didn’t know if he’d be thrilled about it if they did have kids. He felt weird even just thinking about it.

“Not really something we’ve discussed,” Tony said and he seemed to notice that Peter seemed uncomfortable. “And even if we did decide to have kids it wouldn’t be for a long while, Pete.”

“Oh,” Peter said. But they could still have some even if Peter was fully grown when they did--

Tony grabbed his hand. Tony’s hand was warm and familiar and Peter allowed himself to calm down. “Peter, you’re my kid. I -- I love you, kid. Not something that will ever change. I’ll always be here for you no matter what. Even if Steve and I adopt a hundred kids. You’re still always going to be my son and you’re the most important person in my life.”

Peter hadn’t expected Tony to say that. Those three words. Tony had said them before, he was sure, but Peter couldn’t actually remember. He certainly hadn’t expected them in the moment.

“I don’t think even Steve will want to adopt that many kids,” Peter said.

“If he even wants to,” Tony said with a shrug. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t be opposed to another kid -- it’s just I’d be fine with just you.”

“Oh,” Peter said. “But you didn’t get to raise me. Not really. Don’t you want that -- the whole baby thing?” Peter didn’t really understand why people were so keen on babies. He knew they were cute but they also cried and made messes and couldn’t really do anything and he actually -- he couldn’t see Tony or even Steve dealing with a baby well.

“That doesn’t matter. Clearly, it doesn’t. You’re still my kid, Peter, and as has been established you clearly need me a lot too no matter what your age is.”

Peter nodded. “I kind of do,” Peter said and then because he couldn’t say anything else, “I, um, I love you too, dad.”

He thought that Tony’s eyes got a bit misty at that and Peter realized that he’d never actually said it out loud before. But it was true. It had been true for a while. Peter loved Tony. He loved his dad and everything that he was and did for Peter. He was one of the best people he knew and Peter would forever be glad that he knew who his father was and that it was someone as amazing as Tony Stark.

Chapter One Hundred Seven

[ekel-a]

What is 'Enough'

When It was time for me to go to high school,  My parents spent an awful lot of time looking for good schools for me …we drove from Arusha to Moshi, Kibaha to Morogoro, Tanga to Bagamoyo. I did an awful lot of interviews. But I never got into any one of those ‘good gifted schools’ In my parents eyes I was smart and they, like every other African Parent, wanted their child in one of those ‘special’ schools one of those schools where kids speak in mathematics and dream in psychics.The schools my parents went to,  They, unlike me, refused to admit that I was average and ordinary. Oh Mom and Dad. We went from school to school…but the answer was always the same, she’s not tall enough, she’s too young, she’s not quick enough, she’s not fast enough, she’s not smart enough, she does not know enough mathematics, she doesn’t know enough Kiswahili, she’s just not enough! She’s not good enough for commerce, she’s not good enough for science, I heard it over and over…and those words can break you as a child, because…what was ‘enough’ Of course they never said it to my face, they would say it in whispers in the school corridors as they walked my parents around. And I was too curious to sit around and wait so I would follow them, and I would hear over and over those words ‘not enough’. And I always wondered ‘What is enough?’  I honestly don’t like special schools, they made the rest of us feel like we were some sort of idiots.. my life goal was to make special schools for average kids, like us. Kids who who got 3 in the first try when they did 1 + 1, yes we’re special too. And no not 'crazy' kinda special (Geeees relax a lil bit) I remember I went to a certain school in Arusha and did an interview, I was with my Mother only this time. And I thought I did pretty well, I did science subjects and the headmaster, pretty nice tall slim guy. He offered me juice after the interview and talked to me a little, unlike all the other schools I was  interviewed in. I really thought I was in, the kids there were lovely and I loved it, in fact I had already made friends and picked a dorm room, chose a spot to hang out and made peace with the school cooks. yes I was fast like that…all that in 3 hours only, if they gave me 2 more days I swear I would’ve been president…, you betcha I know how to mingle. Until well, I overheard the conversation he had with my mother ‘She cant get in, she’s way too behind in her syllabus she wont be able catch up’  Its like heaven was falling over me.I could see the devastation on my mothers face, the look in her eyes, her face dropped, I could see she was tired and it just broke me, I was tired of seeing her tired. So when he came to me to tell me how smart I was but there was no space I walked upto to him as he was leaving and pulled his coat. Pupils dilated you could almost pull a tear from my left eye. The words were sour in my chest and I felt a little pain in my chest as I uttered them…‘ I’ll catch up, I will work really hard, I will show you, I learn fast if you can teach me, please let me in, I promise you I will pass well, you will see I promise’ I remember saying words close to those, practically begging him.  My  heart was beating so fast vultures could hear it from ten miles away. This was my only shot. This man, in my eyes, held my destiny, I felt like I was letting my parents down one more time and I wanted to fix it.The smile on his face was gone and he was more serious now, He bent on one knee ( I was very short) to reach to my height and said right to my face, and I remember the sentence word by word….because they played in my head all through high school, all through university.‘ I cannot teach you what you don’t already Know’I stood there, I might have been young but I was not totally blank, what a way to tell a child that she was an idiot, I wasn’t gonna let him get away with it… ‘But I know more about Biology, Mathematics, Physics than I did in the test, I know more I can learn more’He said the last words  in a whisper almost had me in tears ‘ My Child, You don’t know enough’Those words rang in my head throughout my whole childhood. Before every exam I ever did throughout my whole life, and I promised myself I will never use that word on a child, and If you’re a parent, please do not.I stood there my eyes glared as my mother walked in, never lost her composure, bless her heart, smiled and talked a little with the headmaster and we left, off to board a bus ��and walk on home. I could tell she was sad, But she never uttered a word of it, ever. We stayed for a while before she announced we had to do another interview, I was devastated, Do I really need to go to those special schools, I always asked them, Cant I just go to an ordinary school, But they would always remind me that those schools had better teachers and better classes and better education. Better education. So  weeks before I went to interview at this new school, I studied every book there was and did all past papers this country ever had, I wanted to know enough and because It was catholic school I read the bible too, page to page From the apple in garden of Eden to how we will burn in a certain river for our sins ..., you never know what enough meant down there. As soon as I arrived I was received by a nun who was the headmistress at the school, she was kind and patient with me she showed me the waiting room as she talked to my mother, and to my surprise, there was no interview test, there was no entrance exam. They just examine your old school’s results and you’re in, and my old school results were okay so I got in.I had so many questions for the headmistress.‘Aren’t you scared of children who don’t know enough messing up your perfect pass rate?’ I asked her as she held my hand to show me to the gate.  She looked at me almost in disbelief that this question was coming from a child‘What you know is an outcome of how much you’re willing to know’ The woman never spoke much. She said goodbye and I waved. I was just happy I finally got a school.When I finally went to that school, it wasn’t fancy, but the plus side was they had so much books and I was so glad, I read every single book there was, from history of roman empires to engineering books that were way beyond me. I read readers digests from 1930s and magazines from the 60s, all for my need to know ‘enough’. But that my friends is a quick history in my thirst and search for the feeling of ‘enough’… I kept reading, indulging obsessing over everything and anything but never quite got the hang of the real meaning of knowing enough.Fast forward my first year in college, I was sitting around with my 5 10 page assignments gazing outside into the trees daydreaming of getting married to a rich man with a house in 10 countries  with  butlers and maids delivering my breakfast from our other house in France because I like ‘french toast’ (don’t judge  me like that, every girl has had this dream at some point of difficulty in her life, every girl!) The professor said something that woke me, in Economics, She said a quote from Thomas Sowell she said  "The first lesson of economics is scarcity: there is never enough of anything to fully satisfy all those who want it" But  What is enough?  Enough for who? Last week I went to a graduation ceremony and met some wonderful children. They were pre form kids,.  they acted out a beautiful play and kept making errors in the dialogue I could tell their teacher was furious but the kids were so jolly …and  it was so hard not to laugh at their errors they were laughing tooo..we all laughed, and one of the kids was so nervous she ran outside and  hid. I asked their headmaster what criteria they use to advance them to Form 1 and he said none. We teach them all they need to know and advance them when we see they have passed well.‘What happens if they don’t pass,?’‘They keep studying until they do, eventually they do, we are patient’I nodded. Glad they never got turned down. There was no pressure, to be Enough. I met that ol headmaster last month he was older, white hair not young and built like the last time I saw him, we were undergoing training for a project we were doing and he was one of the trainers, he didn’t remember me, not that I expected him to, I Imagine he must have met at least a million children or more in his lifetime. In my heart I had hoped he would remember and see  how I had progressed and see who I grew into and became, but something told me it would not make a difference. So I just passed him by like I didn’t know him. When it was time for one on One  training he came to me and went through my work and was rather pleased. He called all the other trainers  and it became a long pleasant conversation, from history to science to community to economics to everything you could think of and I could not stop myself from talking on and on…my mind was saying stop but every thing the old man would say I would jump in with a word or two. It was a very bad habit, and I was ashamed later on. And as I was leaving he said in a whisper, almost in the same voice I had heard years ago. ‘ My child, you know a little too much for your age, where did you go to school? Did you study abroad?’‘In a little catholic school In some village you probably never heard of’‘You should’ve gone to our school’ he said as he looked around to his fellows ‘ we schooled professors, engineers, businessmen, in our time, perfect grades’‘ I would’ve, but back then I didn’t know enough….but thank you,’  I said, yes I was bitter and it was petty. It was 10 years ago maybe 12 and bringing it up wouldn’t make any difference but just a smirk of satisfaction as he looked somewhat puzzled. He probably never knew what I meant and will never understand what I meant, But it was better that way. So I kept it that way. Am I angry, That I got turned down so many times. Bloody yeah!! But I'm also happy because we have to realize we dont always need what we think we need to excel...we only need ourselves and our hunger to learn. We are enough for ourselves.

[natasha-cole]

Ready Steady Part 1

Ok, this is my first time writing fan fiction. I figured trying it out might be good practice for next semester when I take my creative writing classes for my BA in English. Please leave feedback… comments and suggestions would be fantastic!

This idea came from @dont-hate-relate-pls and I told her that I’d give it a shot!

So, here is the first part… I guess this might become a series.

Summary: Reader embarks on a one-woman vacation because her boyfriend suddenly doesn’t show up for the flight, and during the vacation she meets sweet, charming Rob!

Words: 2407

Pairing: Rob x Reader

Warnings: None. Unless you count an a-hole ex-boyfriend as a warning.

You were nervous to say the least. You had spent the last hour checking and rechecking the clock on your phone. There was only 30 minutes before you had to board your flight and he was still not here. Text messages were sent, read, and ignored. Phone calls were sent to voicemail. You sighed heavily as you ran a hand through your hair in defeat. It wasn’t unlike Chris to ignore text messages and phone calls. In fact, you two had been stuck in a seriously uncomfortable rough patch for some time now. You knew you shouldn’t blame yourself for it, after all, he had been the one who had cheated on you. But, he had a way of turning these things around on you to make it all your fault. And you gave in to the blame games every time. Which is why you suggested this vacation. A week in Nashville, just the two of you. You were hoping this would be the getaway that you two needed to fix your relationship.

You checked your phone again. Twenty minutes to boarding. You opened your text messages and pressed on the thread in which you had sent multiple messages to him that had gone unanswered.

*Y/N* Chris, seriously, it’s almost time to board. Where are you?

You closed the messages out and put your phone down. What the hell were you supposed to do now? He wasn’t here and it was almost time to board. You contemplated the weight of the situation. You had two tickets. You could leave the airport and go to him, that is, if you could find him. Or perhaps you could just board the plane alone. The latter was seeming like a good idea as you became increasingly nervous and angry. You were startled from your thoughts to your phone vibrating in your hand. Eagerly, you glanced at the screen to find that is was Chris calling. Shaking, you answered the call, even more angry than you had been when you first realized you were being ignored.

“Chris! Where the hell are you? I’m at the airport and I’m here alone!”

“I’m not coming Y/N,” he stated simply. It took you a second to process what he had just said. You expected to feel a bit hurt when this moment came, instead you were angry.

“What do you mean you’re not coming?!” You shouted. You glanced up to see people around you staring disapprovingly. You hunched back over the phone and lowered your voice.

“What do you mean?,” you asked a bit more calmly. “We planned this trip to fix things and now I am here, alone, about to board our flight, and you’re not coming?”

“No, I’m not. I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t think this is working.”

You rubbed your temple in frustration, trying hard to keep your cool. “Look, this hasn’t been working for some time. Which is why we planned this trip. We just need some time together to fix things. I thought you always wanted to go to Nashville.”

“I do. But not with you Y/N…” He paused and your breath caught in your chest. At this point, you couldn’t tell if you were hurt or extremely angry, or a bit of both. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, your face burning hot. You just knew. This wasn’t about him simply being his usual dick self anymore.

“What is going on?” You managed to choke out, the words almost catching in your throat. You could feel yourself about to completely lose it in the middle of the airport. You knew where this was going.

“Y/N, I can’t be with you anymore. I think a part of you knows that.”

“I thought we were fixing this. Us.” The tears were falling now as you hunched over your phone further, hoping that the other people in the airport couldn’t see you losing it right now. Despite your problems in your relationship, you still loved him. You had always loved him. Hell, you had forgiven him for everything he had ever done to you. The cheating, the fighting, the lies. You had always forgiven him, and you thought that by doing so, he could see how much you loved him. In this moment. You knew what was going on. You knew exactly why he was doing this. No effort that you made to be with him and make him happy was actually going to fix this.

“You’re… you’re with her? Aren’t you?” You didn’t want to say those words. Didn’t want to admit to yourself that, although he said he was done with her, he had still been seeing her. You had known deep down that it had never ended between them, even after you confronted him when you found out.

He hesitated for a moment, “You know I am.” You felt your heart break a little more in your chest at the words. The tears came more freely now. You covered your mouth, attempting to hold back the sobbing.

You didn’t know what else to do. All you knew is that you were hurting right now. You were crying in the middle of an airport because of this man, you were angry, and you felt betrayed. “Well, I hope you two are happy together. And I hope you can at least satisfy her better than you could me,” you spat out before ending the call.

You took a moment to compose yourself, steadying your breathing, wiping tears from your face. A voice came over a loudspeaker, announcing the boarding of your flight. You grabbed the tickets from your bag and stared at them for a moment. You had a decision to make. You considered your options. Maybe you could just grab your bags and go home, maybe attempt to talk to Chris and try, yet again, to fix this broken mess of a relationship. Or, maybe you could leave it all behind. Take your ticket, go to Nashville like you had planned, and not look back. A line began to form at the gate; couples, families, passengers who looked like they could be heading somewhere to see loved ones that they hadn’t seen in a long time. You bit your lip, thinking hard about the possible outcomes of each decision you could make right now.

You took in a deep breath, stood up, and grabbed your bags.

Leaving the extra ticket on the seat where you had been sitting, you gripped your own ticket and made your way to the gate.

The fluttering in your stomach indicated that you were nervous as hell about your decision. All you knew is that you needed to distance yourself from Chris as much as you could so that you wouldn’t be tempted to go back to him again. Maybe being halfway across the country is what you needed to move on.

You struggled with your bags as you pulled them from the back of the cab as you arrived at your hotel. Maybe packing two suitcases, a carry on, and your guitar for this trip hadn’t been the best idea. A bellhop approached you, “would you like some help, miss?” He asked, extending his hand in an attempt to take some of your bags.

“No!” you said quickly, almost rudely,” no, I- I’ve got it, really.” You half smiled at him, feeling bad about having been a bit rude to him. The fact was, you never allowed other people to take your bags for you. you had learned to take care of yourself from a very young age, and always felt a bit awkward accepting help from other. Especially when it had been your own dumb self who packed so many bags. The boy nodded his head, and instead held open the main door to the hotel for you.

You entered the hotel lobby, grateful for the icy chill from the A/C that hit you like a wall when you walked in. April in Nashville wasn’t exactly hot, but you were sweating already from the workout your luggage was giving you. You made your way to the desk to check in, happy to put your bags down just for a moment.

“Hello!” the woman at the desk greeted you, “checking in?”

“Uh, uh yes.” You dug through your bag for your wallet to retrieve your ID and credit card. “It’s under Y/L/N, Y/F/N.” The woman quickly typed in the information into the computer.

“Yes, miss Y/L/N, we have you booked until next Thursday. King sized bed, non-smoking, two people. I just need some ID and a credit card to put in file for incidentals.” She spouted off the information, the making you cringe a bit at the note of two people sharing the room.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” you handed over your cards and she ran the info through. You glanced around you, just now realizing how busy the hotel was for this time of the year. There must be something going on this weekend.

“All set, miss Y/L/N!” The woman said, handing you back your cards and then handing you your room keys and a map of the hotel. She spent a moment directing you to where your room was located. You thanked her and gathered your bags, struggling again with them as you walked away from the front desk. You had maybe taken a few steps when you suddenly heard a voice shouting behind you.

“Miss! Excuse me, miss!” You turned quickly to see if the mystery voice was talking to you. In doing so, you lost your grip on your purse, dropping it and subsequently spilling its contents onto the floor of the lobby.

“Shit!” you muttered out loud. Placing the rest of your bags down, you kneeled down and began retrieving the contents of your purse. Having already forgotten the voice shouting after you, you hurriedly picked up all of the items, focused on the task at hand. Suddenly a set of feet stepped into frame. A pair of beat up old Converse stood before you, and you glanced up to see who it was. You didn’t recognize the man before you, but he looked down at you, a large grin on his face.

“Need some help there?” He asked you just as you had finished putting the last fallen item back into your bag.

“Uh, no, I’m good,” you replied. The man reached his hand out to you. You hesitated for a moment, but eventually took his hand as he helped you up off of the floor. You straightened yourself out and glanced around the floor, making sure you gathered all of your things. When you looked back at the man, he was still grinning at you. He had a nice smile. It was warm and friendly, and you couldn’t help but take immediate notice in those bright blue eyes that were staring right at you. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, you thanked him quietly. He just stood there, staring at you, which made you feel even more awkward. That’s when you noticed that he was holding your guitar case over his shoulder.

“Hey, that’s mine,” you stated, nodding toward the guitar.

“Oh!” his eyes grew wide as he realized he was still holding it, “yeah, you left it at the front desk, that’s why I was calling for you.” He pulled the case off of his shoulder, handing it over to you. You began readjusting the bags you were holding so that you could take the case.

“Uh, are you positive that you don’t need help with all of that?” He asked, still holding the case, as you didn’t have any free hands to take it.

“No, no, really… I’m fine. Just let me readjust some things.” When you had finally got your things back to their original positions, you took the case from the man and thanked him. He smiled bigger and held out his hand again.

You looked down at his hand, this time, not being able to take it. He closed it awkwardly and ran it through his dark curls.

“Oh, sorry, I guess you’ve got your hands full.” He laughed, and you felt your heart skip a bit at the sound of it. He was good-looking and he seemed really sweet.

“My name is Rob, by the way.” He said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

You smiled back at him, “Well, hello Rob, my name is Y/N.” You adjusted your stance, feeling a bit uncomfortable at the weight of your luggage.

“It’s nice to meet you Y/N. Are you sure you don’t need a little help there?” He asked, motioning to your luggage.

“Really, I’m fine. It’s my own stupid fault for packing so much for a one week trip.” You appreciated the offer, but you really didn’t want to take advantage of the kindness of this man that you didn’t even know.

“Well, if you change your mind, I’m really good at carrying luggage. It’s kind of my profession.” You laughed at his words and he smiled a bit bigger. “Well, I’ve got to go check in. Let me know if you change your mind, Y/N.”

Rob began to back away from you and you nodded, “Ok, I’ll let you know.”

You turned toward the direction of your room, finally getting a good grip on your bags. As you made your way to the elevators, you heard Rob shout to you again. You turned around to see what you had left behind this time. He was standing near the front desk with a group of other people that you hadn’t noticed before.

“Y/N! Maybe I’ll see you around some more this weekend. I want to know what kind of guitar you play.” You smiled back at him. You could feel your face growing warm, glad that he couldn’t see the redness forming on your cheeks.

“Yeah, sure,” you called back, “see you around, Rob.”

As you made your way onto the elevator, you pushed the button for your floor. You smiled to yourself thinking about the run-in you had just had with the man in the lobby. You had arrived in Nashville feeling really down. A part of you had thought that maybe coming alone wasn’t the best idea, given the circumstances. But something about meeting Rob had made you feel a lot better about the situation. Maybe this trip is exactly what you needed.

[ta1lulah]

yep. so apparently this is what i’m doing with my quarantine time now.

i am going to rank every travis scott song from his studio albums. there are quite a few instances where i find it impossible to put one song over the other, so the top 1-10 is pretty interchangeable to me. including the deluxe edition songs, there are 47 songs for me to rank in total.

this is in no way me trashing trav’s music (if you don’t know me i literally live so far up his ass that if he sneezed i would come out of his nostrils and have done for many years), it’s just something that i am scarily qualified to write about and should entertain me for a while.

just as a quick pre-cursor to the list: birds is my favourite trav album by far and astroworld had a lot of skips for me, so of course that is reflected. if you don’t agree with that i don’t really care; my mind cannot be changed.

yes i am aware that owl pharaoh and dbr exist.

i’ll explain my choices as best as i can, let’s go

47. wonderful

i fucking HATE this song. ruins the entire vibe of birds and the only song on the entire record that i will ever skip. after having the ends as an intro and apple pie closing off rodeo, i just don’t know what this song is doing. it needs to be deleted

46. nc-17

it’s ok. i just always skip it and it’s very plain to me, i’m not mad at it

45. stop trying to be god

SO overrated. i don’t get it at all. boring fucking song to me

44. rip screw

as above

43. carousel

loved it when i first heard it but it got old super quickly and has little replay value to me. bangs when you haven’t heard it in a while

42. coffee bean

in theory i should like it but i just don’t like the execution. i appreciate it but it’s not for me

41. flying high

i know this song gets trashed on a lot and i dont agree with that completely. it’s a good song but again doesn’t have the heavy replay value that the majority of rodeo has (not to mention it ruins the flow of rodeo, in my opinion)

40. houstonfornication

OVERRATED. when astroworld dropped i saw so so many people putting this in their top 3 off the record and i simply don’t get it at all. it’s a solid song but it’s boring, i never find myself putting this song on voluntarily

39. sicko mode

it was inevitably going to come in low. you may know that i dont trash talk drake, but seriously fuck the second half of this song that drake RUINS. i could happily go about the rest of my life without hearing this song ever again. trav’s first verse is the only reason this is not placed in the 40’s

38. ok alright

from this point on i dont dislike any of these songs and this was pretty painful to place. this song goes, but i am unable to place it any higher. it just feels like a (very good) throwaway track that got slung onto the deluxe edition. also q and trav should sound better than this, i think they could’ve made something better than this track together, i wanted their song to sound like it could’ve been on oxymoron (a wholly flawless record).

37. who? what!

i’m actually really fond of this song and listen to it a lot. to me it just sounds out of place on astroworld and was definitely a huncho jack throwaway

36. stargazing

the beat change aged like old milk. i will admit when i first heard this though, i loved it so much. and the feeling you get when the intro to stargazing starts playing before trav comes out on stage is unmatched, so it has a special place in my heart for that alone. in terms of astroworld as a whole, i think it’s the perfect first song for the album

35. goosebumps

maybe ive heard it way too many times, i’m not sure. but it would feel wrong for me to place this in my top 30, i dont find myself putting it on ever. a classic nevertheless

34. pray 4 love

i used to fuck with this song so much but recently it’s just not doing it for me. something about listening to it now just makes it sound corny to me. “wanna know my dick longer than a pringle box” will live on forever

33. wake up

bangs, but again this song is corny as fuck (maybe it’s just the weeknd as i’m seeing a theme now)

32. 5% tint

solid song, can’t put m y finger on it but it just lacks personality, outro is godly though

31. guidance

i love this song seriously, but i can understand why lots of people don’t. it fits perfectly on birds and it’s placement within the album is stunning, but as a standalone track it’s pretty weak. i would love trav to make more songs in this style

30. wasted

this song is slept on, i love it so much. but if the yung lean version had made it onto rodeo this would be a top 10 track EASY.

29. butterfly effect

we all know this song goes, i listened to this way way way too much when it was first released

28. outside

this was painful. the 21 savage feature is flawless, this song is so interesting to me. beat is gorgeous

27. astrothunder

pretty song, didn’t blow me away but i’m super fond of it. the way tracks 11-15 of astroworld play is perfect and really redeemed the album for me

26. 90210

yep. honestly if this is in your top 3 favourite travis songs i have nothing to say to you. beautiful song, second half is stunning, we all know that, but how is this top 3. LISTEN TO BIRDS IN FULL!!!

25. yosemite

i really like this song but i can’t take it seriously because of nav microphone-gate. (u know)

24. lose

i LOVE this song, but it’s not strong enough to be top 20. it’s a cute song, i dont know

23. piss on your grave

this song has such a special place in my heart. the motherfucking visuals!!!

22. 3500

the future verse. that is all.

21. beibs in the trap

the way this is placed on the album are you kidding me?! perfect. and yes, because it’s nav it missed out on a top 20 spot. it is what it is (the trav verse is absolutely flawless in every way)

20. never catch me

this deserved to actually be on rodeo rather than a deluxe track. the production wooooowwwweeee

19. maria im drunk

i cant even put into words the way i felt hearing thug say “travis scott” on this song for the first time. and the fucking justin bieber verse! godly

18. sweet sweet

such a *sweet* little song, i have an extreme soft spot for it

17. antidote

i dont have to explain this.we all know this song. if you havent seen it live all i can offer you is my deepest condolences

16. through the late night

kid cudi means everything to me and this partnership was always going to create something sensational <3 it is everything i was expecting and more (side note: i am coming back to this a couple of days later after THE SCOTTS has been announced, yes my entire life is made, and when the joint album drops best believe i will be writing a several thousand word post about it)

15. pornography

there couldn’t possibly be a better opening track to rodeo. this shit is like onomatopoeia, i know u know what i mean

14. skeletons

travis and kevin parker working together! of COURSE the song is this beautiful!!! i need an entire joint album plzzzzzzzzz

13. the ends

3 stacks. no more needs to be said (actually i will say that the fact that he was supposed to narrate this album like ti did for rodeo and that it never happened routinely keeps me up at night)

12. apple pie

this was my favourite song off rodeo for a loooooooong time. im a loser and still tear up when i listen to the record in full and hear the last lines

11.  no bystanders

purely for sheck’s “BITCH!”

10. can’t say

it’s true i do transcend every time i hear “gotta take a long drive up the hill”

9. sdp interlude

perfect in every single way. how/where it’s placed on the record is breathtaking. would be in the number 1 spot if it was longer

8. nightcrawler

oh the sosa verse really means everything to me

7. pick up the phone

come on now. all i will say is this: experience this song live, do yourself a favour. i have a fantasic video of trav and thug performing this live at wireless 2019, but unfortunately my manic screaming/crying ruins the whole fucking video. so just take my word for it

6. coordinate

i genuinely cant fathom how perfect this song is. i hate to use the word “vibe” but jeez the *vibe* this song gives off is unlike any other. THIS is my favourite style of trav’s music

5. impossible

legitimately get chills every time i hear “split a pack of the woods down”. yes. the production!

4. way back

everything about this song. the  second half. again, see this song live is a spiritual experience. also, i couldnt love this song any more but then uzi samples this and it just gave me a WHOLE other layer of appreciation for it. what a fucking song (both prices and way back)

3. i can tell

just listen to this again. the “take it up another notcher” part. how is it real?!!!

2. first take

SOOOOO underrated. never in my life would i ever think that the sentence “bryson tiller killed that” would leave my mouth but here we are. the way this transitions into pick up the phone.

1. oh my

we made it!!!! honestly i struggled so fucking much to find a #1 but i think it will have to be this song because it is just so sentimental to me. when i first listened to rodeo this was immediately my favourite song off it and it still remains perfect in every way several years on. quavo in the second half of the song is STUNNING, words just dont do anything about this song justice

if anyone read to the end here we go, if you think my choices were fucked up and idiotic feel free to send me hate via instagram dm (@ta1lulah, plug!)

my actual favourite travis song of all time fucking ever is skyfall, but as i put earlier i was only ranking songs from studio albums.

in conclusion, birds is a criminally misunderstood masterpiece -ta1lulah

[vitalmindandbody]

Murky Copeland: dancing into biography

She was caught between her impoverished mother and the ballet mistress who offered her a way out. Aaron Hicklin gratifies Misty Copeland, the first black principal at the American Ballet Theatre

We cannot know whether Misty Copeland would have become Americas most celebrated ballet dancer if she had not met Cindy Bradley, the flame-haired teacher who first recognised and then sharpened her aptitudes, but it seems unlikely. Then again, its dubiou that Copeland would have met Bradley if not for Elizabeth Cantine, the coach-and-four of her institution drill team who counselled her to check out the free ballet class at the Boys& Girls Club of San Pedro. Nor is it clear that Copeland would have joined Cantines squad without the encouragement of her adored older sister, Erica, a drill squad hotshot. It was Erica who helped Copeland choreograph an audition piece to George Michaels I Want Your Copulation. And who, knowing her tale, can omit the Russian gymnast Nadia Comaneci from this roll call? As a seven-year-old, trying to imitate Comanecis pyrotechnics, Copeland instinctively was known that rhythmic flow came as naturally to me as breathing, to mention from her memoir, Life in Motion .

This is life, a cascading sequence of opportunity encounters and arbitrary options that influence our fates, but for a young black daughter in a working-class Los Angeles suburb, who characterises her childhood as packing, clambering, leaving often barely living, catching the right interrupts are nigh on hopeless. Yet through whatever alchemy of grit, resilience and dures, Misty Copeland, a 65 lb ragamuffin when she arrived at Bradleys class, hit the peculiars. In August 2015 she was promoted to principal dancer for the American Ballet Theatre( ABT ), the first pitch-black lady to achieve the difference in the theaters 75 -year history.

For millions of Americans, Copelands travels to the spire of her profession is an archetypal floor of triumph over misery. At the Boys& Girls Club where she practised her first ballet gradations, todays visitor is confronted with a cover demo Copeland in a forlorn hunker, forehead resting on her knees. Around her swirl texts like agony, hurt, unhappines, rigor and abandonment. Next to it is another covering in which Copeland pirouettes like a music box ballerina, music notes spiralling over her top. Nearby, a clue extol Great Future Start Here. Copeland is the girl from the wrong side of the trails who got to stand tall on pointe shoes. Im often asked if Im OK being referred to as the black ballerina, she enunciates. And I announce: I dont were of the view that something I want to change. Were still at a point where it needs to be acknowledged all the time.

Timing the course: the ballet celebrity who beat all the curious. Image: Danielle Levitt for the Observer

It is early afternoon, and in a small waiting time inside Steps on Broadway, one of New Yorks best-known dance studios, Copeland sits scrunched up on a terrace trying to talk above the blare of shrieking toddlers as they wait for a class to embark. Although they might not know it, Copeland is the acme of what those little girls dream to be, and a riposte to classical ballets long record of exclusion. Its partly her Cinderella story that has realise her a household name in a marginalised skill, but its likewise a reflection of the savvy acces she has parlayed her visibility beyond “the worlds” of ballet. She has danced for Prince( in his 2010 Welcome 2 America tour ), appeared in a 2014 commercial-grade for Under Armour that soon exited viral, interviewed President Obama and became the blanket of Time publication in 2015 the first dancer to do so since Bill T Jones in 1994. Her memoir is to be turned into a movie.

Predictably , none of that has stopped the resentful from changing her success into a question. Beings ask: Is she get this opportunity merely because shes had such a spokesperson, and because shes pitch-black, or is she good enough to get this part? reads Copeland. All of these things can mess with you psychologically and emotionally. Youd think it would get easier over meter, but for me it gets harder.

Copeland did not always realize the prejudice she was up against as patently as she does today. As an adolescent, dance was a safe conceal where she felt exclusively at home. Starting to a school in south California that was very diverse I never felt like I fitted in, she alleges. But stick me in a ballet studio surrounded by white daughters, and I was, like: Oh, I belong here. I wasnt even thinking about the color of my skin.

A cripplingly shy brat, at her happiest hiding in the wardrobe playing Solitaire or locked in the shower listening to Mariah Carey, Copeland was 13 when she discovered dance, a belated epiphany. Ballet was always an escape, she adds. It was a plaza where I felt safe, and I didnt have that in different aspects of my life growing up. I was so introverted because I felt that something could hurt me. There wasnt ever a human in our house who I trusted, or we werent always living in a lieu where I felt procure, and ballet was this one constant in my life that I could rely on.

Perpetual motion: does her life validate the idea that flair is innate? Picture: Danielle Levitt for the Observer

In many routes Copelands life is a strong validation of the notion that talent is innate. When I considered her in the gym, a tiny malnourished daughter who stood with such position and proximity, I couldnt think it is, responds Cantine. I just said: Ill take that one. Copeland is not simply became the squad, she was cleared skipper. But when Cantine recommended Bradleys ballet class, Copeland was sceptical. I was, like, Perfectly not this is as far as I go outside my convenience zone. She went to watch, simply to satisfy Cantine, dutifully reverting every day for two weeks until Bradley urged her invited to join. Copeland quickly realised shed found her residence. It was the first time I ever find beautiful, she articulates. Just to look in the reflect and to be told: Youre what a ballerina looks like.

Bradley, a former punk rocker who had enjoyed moderate success in the 1980 s with a ensemble “ve called the” Wigs, took to her new pupil instantaneously. The tendernes was mutual. Within eight weeks, Copeland had learned to dance en pointe, a skill that most young ballerinas take times to ruler. The instant of exultation is recorded in a photo that Bradley had the foresight to click: Copeland is ramrod straight on the point of her right hoof, a smile suffusing her face. Cindy was clearly a big part of my proliferation , not just as a dancer but as person or persons, tells Copeland. I had never experienced someone pressuring me to singer my views, and to contact. I started to develop skills that were so underdeveloped in me.

Copelands growing intimacy with Bradley arose at a time when life at home was getting harder. Her mom, Sylvia DeLaCerna, left one temperamental husband for another, and their own families located itself living in a motel, sharing two rooms and pooling loose change to buy food. Copeland noted her escape in ballet, but DeLaCerna annoyed the commute to class was extremely onerous, and told her daughter to discontinue. That was when Bradley influenced DeLaCerna to let Copeland move in with her, sharing a area with her two-year-old son, Wolf. Id merely been married for two years, and abruptly we had a teenage girl, and she stole our hearts, immediately, does Bradley. On Fridays, Copeland would become matzo pellet soup and ignited the Sabbath candles. It merely felt like this beautiful stuff that they shared, and I think thats what I was drawn to, Copeland supposes. When the Bradleys had a professional clas painting taken, Copeland was part of it.

Girl prodigy: in 1998, as a child dancer. Picture: Kevin Karzin/ AP

Its not difficult to see how this would begin to grate on Copelands mother and siblings, who began describing their sister as indoctrinated. When those distress lastly exploded, shortly after Copeland prevailed a prestigious gift for playing Kitri in her favourite ballet Don Quixote , the fallout was distressing and highly public. DeLaCerna decided her daughter no longer requirement the Bradleys; with a view to responding they helped Copeland to application special courts for emancipation from her parents. DeLaCerna campaigned back, assuring the famous civil rights lawyer, Gloria Allred. Eventually, Copeland plummeted her application, but the damage was persist. It was very traumatic having so much of my life disclosed for everyone to see, she alleges. It took 10 years before I could talk about it without weeping. It was no easier for Bradley. It was a huge void that never healed, she alleges. I had so many things to say to her. The two has not been able to speak for 15 years.

In May, Copeland will play Kitri again, but this time in a make for the ABT. Its the responsibilities of a lifetime, one she has dreamed about since seeing her idol, Paloma Herrera, play it in 1996. But Copeland is 34 now, and her outing has been arduous. In 2012, eras after her critically lauded debut in the title role of Stravinskys Firebird , she detected six stress fractures in her tibia. It would take seven months of physical care before she could return to the stage. Last year, she ultimately got to reprise her Firebird act, one of various lead roles she took on within the framework of the ABTs springtime/ summertime season, including Odette in Swan Lake . She also married her long-time beau Olu Evans. Her promotion to principal dancer may be a vindication of her hard work, but she knows a dancers busines is suddenly. A couple of weeks after I was promoted to principal dancer was the first time I seemed: This is the beginning of the end, she pronounces. I was promoted at a very late age for a dancer, so my vocation as a principal will definitely be shorter than most. She imagines for a moment. The frightening occasion is what will fill that vacant. She titters. My poverty-stricken husband.

We live in an epoch, to repeat dance critic Madison Mainwaring in The Atlantic , when Kim Kardashians selfies get even more serious coverage than dancers who have dedicated their lives to their figure. Copeland might be the exception that substantiates the rule, but the vitality of classical dance in America travels on the footpath shes firing. At a era of raised consciousness around black identity, her narration has pulled new audiences to classical dance. Is it enough? The ballet world-wide is perpetually speak about how we need more revelation, to deliver more beings in, but they dont want to change anything about it, Copeland alleges, with aggravation. It doesnt piece that behavior, something has to change and evolve.

Ruffling featherings: as Odette in Swan Lake in 2015 for the Washington Ballet. Image: Theo Kossenas Photography

Its a bright blue morning in San Pedro, and the city brightens after weeks of abnormally high rainfall. In her pitch-black Volkswagen Beetle, Bradley is pointing out the landmarks of Copelands youth. Did you experience the mansion? she expects, pointing to a plaque that speaks Misty Copeland Square at an intersection contiguous to the San Pedro Ballet School, a former bakery that Bradley and her husband, Patrick, bought in 1998. The plaque was unveiled just before Christmas in 2015, and if you Google footage of the opening ceremony, you will see a visibly moved Copeland thanking the Bradleys for “re giving me” a footpath and programme to change not only “peoples lives”, but so many little brown girlfriends lives.

Bradley drives me to her former condo, near a bank overlooking the ocean. In her memoir, Copeland recollects it reeking of cinnamon and the high seas. We sit in the car for a while, and Bradley tells legends of Copeland helping to potty-train Wolf, dancing with him, has become a sister. It seems like yesterday, she exhales. I knew it wasnt going to end well from the beginning. It was marvelous, but very scary, feeling that every minute was going to be our last. She delays. But it worked out OK.

Our tour goals where the storey “re starting” the Boys& Girls Club of San Pedro. Inside the gymnasium, Bradley expresses the lines of benches. She wasnt just watching casually she was absorbing while she was sitting there, she announces, summon the likenes. She didnt move, she watched intently for a few weeks and prevented mentioning No , no , no, until eventually she stepped on to the storey. She was a skinny, scrawny brown girl with pretty hair.

Joyous duet: with long-time beau Olu Evans, who she wedded last year. Image: Evan Agostini/ Invision

Ever since Bradley could dance, she has is intended to school. I precisely thoughts: Everybody needs to know this, she does. In Copeland she found her first geniu. I stroked her foot and thats when the supernatural happened, she suggests, lost in a private daydreaming. Ive never been able to describe it before, but I knew she was special. Blinking back rends, she shakes her manager in surprise. She hadnt danced! she does. It was an angels singing time. That very same day, Bradley offered Copeland a scholarship, sending a document residence to her mother.

We walk back through the organization, past the twinned posters of Misty Copeland in despair and jubilation, the reserve table, the vending machine giving frozen return forbids, the spray-painted representation of the supremacy fist. And as we emerge into the sunlight, Bradley regains her calmnes. I have actually exactly noted my second prodigy Enrique. She pulls out her telephone. Ill prove you a illustration. Like Copeland, Enrique started late( at 16 ), and like Copeland, he is beset by challenges, most having to do with being a Latino man in a macrocosm still defined as white-hot and female. Its the first Ive talked about him, because I learned the first time you should not talk about them too much, does Bradley. She laughs, before including: Until youre ready to lose them. We both peer at the photo. This is a while ago, so hes most spectacular now, she supposes, lighting. Hes got it all.

Hair and Make-up by Bank exploiting Pacifica at Factory Downtown; Producer Stephanie Porto; Digital Tech Jordan Zuppa; Igniting perry foyer and JP Herrera; Set design Chris Stone; place Steps on Broadway, NYC

Life in Motio n by Misty Copeland issued by Sphere, 9.99. Prescribe it for 8.49 at bookshop.theguardian.com

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 2 “#NewQueenInTown” - Lily

hey hoes so ill do my first impressions or w/e chrissa- kween! i was hoping she'd stay awhile but u know when someone wants to be elimed then u gotta! dana- idk ha!hevjkbev i dont remember a dana in any of these so! idk how she plays so yikes but i wouldnt be surprised if shes close w the other newer people lexo- im love her! im hoping we can do #that for callie tru matt- i played a game with him once and he voted me out so :/ but i think we can work well together tbh mitchell- hes malaysia and thats all i know, im not sure how he played in malaysia and lowkey the only times i ever interacted with him he kinda annoyed me gtg monty- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh i love monty, i know he will be one of my closest allies for sure! i cant wait to slay w him linus- hes from winnipeg and he seems sneaky to me and hes a newer school player so he could be close w the others ryan tiddie palmer - i love my dadt sdhvbdfv but also im a little wary of him bc i have a feeling he would love to vote me out but as of rn i need him so, we'll see zak- i voted him out in palau and thats all i got kjehfvbjr i didnt even kno they played a game before anyway hes also part of the potential new school alliance

also heres the vote tea, basically mine and lexis names were being thrown around and i was like??? we aint even do anything so then we started throwing zaks and linus name around. anyway me and mont were freaking out bc we needed 2 more people to get majority and vote zak and save me and lex, so we recruit chrissa and we make an alliance chat w ha. we call and talk about who we can pull in and such. so come the next mornin i start talkin to matt who said he was down for voting zak. honestly i trust matt he seems more trustworthy than other people plus i dont think he knows a lot of the tribe members tru so if i keep him close then my alliance should be good tru. anyway i talk to lexi to figure stuff out, and i talk to zakriah and basically tell him that im willing to vote lexi next round or w/e, mind u this is after chrissa anounces that she wants to be voted out, and well hopefully by telling him this i can gain his trust a little and get some tea from ha. also zak knows that me mont and lexi were targetting him??? honestly idk who couldve told him unless it was chrissa??? no one else shouldve known tru, anyway so i get the tea from that mitchell is the one who told him that he heard my name being thrown around and kjefbv like i dont wanna confrontational or anything but i went to mitchell and asked him about it and he was "like honestly it was like a grapevine thing tbh like nobody was like "...how bout karen" it was more of "i've heard Karen"" LIKE??????????????????????????????? REALLY BITCH THAT DONT ANSWER MY QUESTION. grapevine my ass, like thats what zak told me too, like !!!!!!!!! just tell me bc if u dont then im gonna assume that ur ass is the one started the whole "i heard" thing nnnnn anyway!!!! im just relieved that chrissa is asking to be voted out bc this couldve been way more stressful aaaaaahhhhh  honslee i was scared this was all a ploy to throw votes but i genuinely believe ha and i love chrissa too much to ever disrespect her wishes so :/ bye bye chrissa we hardly knew ye!

Not much has happened so far. We won the first challenge, which is awesome, and kinda gives me this fire to keep winning just so that we can keep beating the vets. It's kind of fun to be the underdogs (considering we all have much less experience than the vets) and to win. As long as we don't get a flash challenge, I'm not too worried about how well we do. Or at least, how well I do. I just don't want to be the person with the lowest score. Anyways, on day 2 or something Lily messages me and says we should be in an alliance, since we knew each other from a chat. So I said sure, and she gives me an idol clue she found! Holy shit! Lucky for her, I don't have any other alliances, otherwise I could so easily just play her. I don't have any plans to though - she seems very trusting and kind and I respect that. I just have to be careful it doesn't get me in trouble as long as we're aligned. So I go to search for the idol, with the clue she gave me in mind, and somehow end up finding the exact same clue she did. Hopefully we don't make the same mistake again next round.

https://youtu.be/hCcal7QtHWY

OMG okay so first off... Daisy comes to me saying she likes Jacob. Okay. Perfect. He's my ride or die anyways, so now we have a mutual ally we can lean on, and she says she wants to be in an alliance. Cool. Even better. Let's officialize this shit.

So Daisy makes the chat, and she says "alright Johnny and Jacob, let's add Willow and Luca" and I'm internally freaking out with Jacob on the side here, and Jacob and I are losing it in PMs and we're like "I think that wouldn't be the BEST idea, just because adding people late can make them think that they're going to be 4th and 5th" So Daisy is going to stick with us three being a f3.

Little does Daisy know that Willow wanted a four person alliance with me and Jacob already, and it didn't include Daisy, so it'll be easy for Willow to think she's on the in, and same for Daisy, which can be GREAT for later.

All I know is I'm going to have to do a little educating to Daisy on how to play this game, and making an alliance with three people and then adding two people LATE is no beuno sweetheart... Thank God Jacob and I prevented that one. At least we know we're in a core for now, and we can start picking off the weaker rookies............... or maybe we go after someone who looks like they can be smarter, and an independent player. Maybe Aro for example? Let's see what happens after immunity (giggle)

So after Chrissa announced she wanted to be voted out, Karen and I were able to talk to each other for the first time this game. I pushed that I didn't want to target her if it wasnt out of hate, and targeting each other based on lack of communication could be easily fixed - after all, what's better than an unlikely duo? I'm in two right now if I'm not being played: as far as I know Linus wants to work with me to get out Karen, and Mitchell also thinks that's what I want. However, I want me an ally in Karen, and Lexi or Mo's gotta go next.

Something terrible happened to me irl yesterday and Im in a bad headspace right now. I really dont feel like talking to anyone besides Luca and Johnny(whos actually pretty cool) so I cant wait to get to the swap. I tried connecting with Kaya a bit but she doesn't seem to like me very much. I have a terrible migraine and everything kinda sucks right now but I'll fight through it. I can't wait for the time when I eventually look back on this confessional and cringe at the angst lmao

I low-key hope I get taken out of this challenge early so I don’t have to sit around all night doing it, but the only way that’d be able to happen is everyone just went after me to start the challenge, and no one knows I’m good at live challenges except Chrissa, and she’s bye bye

Aw Dana assigned me to shoot my fuckbuddy aromal in the first round of the IC :( like the opposite of the hunger games up in here :(

This paintball challenge is so fucking FUN! Like, it's so cool to keep on my toes and constantly be dodging/shooting paintballs. It's like my own sort of little endurance challenge. I just have to be sure I don't miss any dodges... That's why I changed the conversation notification settings to notify me every time my name is said. :P But it's fun, anyway. And if I lose, I can blame my team and use the machete I got. >:3c

So... let's play catch up!

Chrissa got voted out unanimously like she ASKED TO. It sucked bc I liked Chrissa but she was a lil strategically problematic so... whatevs. BUT then Karen starts being like "oh would you have voted for me? where'd my name come from?" and being kind of aggressive about it so... that turned me off. Honestly yeah I would've voted your ass out, you ignored me and continue to do so lol, but after that? I'm set. I think my allegiance with Dana is solidified by my complaining to her about Karen, and honestly? I see her as my #2 in this game.

Matt, the other option for my #2, also tells me he's ready to make a move  against the Karen/Monty/Lexi coalition when we next go to Tribal Council. We're slaying this challenge so that won't be tonight, but when it does, Karen's ass is grass if I've got anything to say about it!!

Karen and Lexi still make minimal effort to talk with me. Pretty much nobody has been 1-on-1 talking with me throughout this whole 3-hour-long-so-far challenge which is also kind of ridiculous but??? What are you gonna do. I'm still sick so hopefully when I recover I'll start schmoozing like I usually do and stop oozing like I don't wanna do.

also fuk u mangrove swamp

RETWEET IF YOU ARE ON TEAM LA NEEDS TO GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.

This challenge is murdering me. 4.5 hrs left SO.

So, I quit during the paintball challenge. I was the last person left on my tribe and I just couldn't see myself pulling off a win, not against five people - I did manage to get one out on my own but it seemed very doubtful I could have gotten them all. I'm not sure how I feel about throwing it like that, I probably could have faked it and just posted a shoot at the 6 mark which might have been better for my game, cause I'm not sure how that will effect how the vets see me from this point on, or if my tribe finds out and gets mad at me for it, but Y'ALL SHOULD BE HAPPY I DIDN'T MAKE US SUFFER THROUGH ANOTHER FOUR HOURS OF THAT @ VETS. I hate giving up/losing but at the same time, this is only the second challenge of the game. If this has been an individual immunity challenge, damn right I would have stuck it out but it's still early on and I think this vote will be pretty straight forward. IF I manage to get voted out I'll feel so stupid for throwing it but as of right now I trust my alliance and feel safe. (famous last words)

So now Star wants to talk to me...... Tooo little too late bud. You've been talking to the least amount of people this whole game, you didn't even help with the immunity challenge, and now you're coming to me all worried about the vote? Sorry you're in this situation, but you made your own bed, and now you have to lay in it. 

On a different note, I was talking to Jacob, and we were thinking that two of us should throw our votes onto someone else, just in case of an idol play, but honestly, I don't wanna be that paranoid freak always worrying about an idol, but I also don't wanna a repeat of the last tumblr survivor I played in, where I got idol'd out of the game, so I'm trying to be careful. I might talk to Daisy about it, but I don't want to come off as paranoid, so it'll be an interesting talk if I choose to have it...

(Slightly later)

OMG LILY JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS THE IDOL I'M SCREAMING!! Now I don't have to worry about a fucking idol play. Not only that, but she tells me that I'm the only person in the game that knows about the idol, which is huge for me because it means that she trusts me the most, and this can be a relationship outside of Jacob, Daisy, Willow and Luca, so this is really good. I am going to focus on forming a broship with Aro too, just to have that connection, but I think that I'm starting to become very trusted in the tribe, which is good. 

I know my struggle is going to be when we switch tribes, and just hoping that the luck of the draw doesn't put me onto a tribe with bad numbers, but even if I do, I think I'll be able to charm my way out of it. The fact that I want to vote out most of these people, and they still continue to prove to me that they trust me the most is CRAZY, but Lily is definitely going to be a tool I'm going to utilize in the game for a long long time, and I hope she and her idol make it deep enough in the game to benefit me.

Sorry... rambling. My struggle now is whether or not to tell Jacob. I don't want to lose his trust later in the game by him finding out about this idol, and him knowing that I knew about it. I think I'm going to tell him about it later tonight, and I hope that he'll be thrilled, but he isn't even going to be back for day change... At least now I know that I don't have to worry about the idol, especially because I doubt there are more than one idols out there, from my specific tribe, so definitively, it's bye bye Star time :(

Jesus.... Karen and I survived that round.. In what world is that actually realistic? But we did and thankfully with little issues like messy thrown votes or Chrissa playing an idol on herself after misting us all. I was really nervous that it was all an actual trap because I have seen it happen before and boy is it terrifying but bless her heart for being true to us all.

The challenge was one that I have won before so I was not too nervous about the whole workings of the challenge but I was nervous about how long the challenge would go. I was so tired yesterday for some reason and I do not know if I could have lasted until 2 am with very little break. I would have tried my best of course so I could make sure Karen and I were safe but there is only so much a single person can do which L.A. ended up proving. The Veterans won the challenge THANK GOD and so we do not have to worry about one of us being voted out bless. Right now I would def consider Karen my final 2 because we do share the common homie of Callie and I do my best to trust Callie's judgement most of the time (the other times... I just can not defer from what god wants). My only issue is that Karen has a lot of friends on this tribe that I fear she might pick over me such as Monty and that makes me a bit scared of her but right now we sort of need each other in terms that we are both the most threatening ones on our tribe at the moment so if she gets rid of me, she does not have many people to hide behind and I have been known to be a very good meat shield for those that take advantage of it so here is to praying she is actually my final 2.

Okay I love my tribe now. Seriously though I was only disliking them because I was too mentally checked out to socialize. They're all really sweet people and omg it was all i could do to stop them from pronouncing Zaks name wrong lmao during the challenge. Even though I outta be pissed that more than half of us got eliminated for breaking simple rules, I loved that they were cheery about it.

For the vote ahead, it should be a smooth 9-1 against Star. He hasn't been too active thus far and everybody seems to be on board.

https://youtu.be/RpyYL7gVQEE

LAST ROUND VOTING: A SUMMARY We get back to camp after being beaten in the immunity challenge and things devolve into chaos. Mitchell starts whispering "Lexi" and then shouting "WHO SAID THAT! I HEARD YOU! lexi.... WHO WAS THAT!!!!" Lexi and RTP climbed into the shelter and started singing songs together, waiting for other people to join. Matt sat himself on a rock and just kinda sat there...waiting.... Zak was running around, talking to each and every person saying he heard something different to everyone, calling every guy Miss and every girl Qween. Karen was sitting trying to have sensible discussions, and Mitchell and Zak saw this and started freaking out. Mitchell kept his calm and kept whispering lexi... but Zak thought he said Karen and started freaking out. Meanwhile, I'm running around screaming at people that Zak is dead weight and Linus is a rat, but nobody is really listening to me. Meanwhile, Linus disappeared into the woods to maybe go try on some wigs or some shit, and Dana is off talking to anything that moves, with various degrees of success. In the middle of camp is Chrissa, just sitting. Me, Karen, Zak, and Mitchell are all screaming about who should go, and she silently raises her hand and says four words. "I. I will go." Everyone stopped and just kinda looked at her, and then started screaming. Not words, just incoherent noises, and that never stopped until Chrissa's torch was snuffed by Isaac

real confessional for this round: So, this has been a pretty chill round. As a tribe, our number one priority was winning immunity. I staying longer than a few people, until I had to go swim. I still need to talk to Dana, Lexi, and RTP this round to keep those connections alive, but other than that, my social game is less shitty than in the past! So, overall, this is not looking terrible for me!

IS DAISY FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? Daisy, girl, we spoke about this. Adding people to alliance chats can only cause problems. Making a brand new chat is the way that it has to be. I can't be closely tied with someone who is actually that oblivious to how this game goes. It's like telling someone that there's a three person alliance, and we just want them to be fourth on the ladder. THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS. Luckily for me, it's someone as ditzy as Lily is, and it's someone who doesn't really talk to a lot of people, and she's someone who has an idol, and now Daisy and I were both told by Lily, which is why Daisy added her.

One thing that Lily and Daisy aren't aware of is that Jacob knows about the idol too, and that's because I told him, so with Jacob in the loop, and me being the one who told me, is PRIME. I need to be the barrier of communication between all of them, and right now I think I'm doing a steady job. One thing I need to work on is my relationship with Allie and LA, because they're two SMART girls, who I haven't been spending much time talking to, so I might work on that later today, even though I've spoken briefly about the vote to both of them, I need MORE!

Well after the mess with Chrissa we were lucky enough to win, and I think the challenge was a good bonding experience for the tribe. Now I'm kind of in the middle right now I like my alliance a lot but I think I could work with Karen and Lex in the future so I'm nervous about alienating them and I'm like back and forth back and forth like a metronome or some dumb swingy shit. So lemme just cross my fingers we don't have to go to tribal, and that somebody I know will get this damn idol ay dios bio

We lost the immunity challenge earlier. I'm super disappointed but I doubt I'm in any trouble at tribal council. I kinda messed up by posting early, lost my head and this probably was a factor in our tribe losing. On their tribe, only three people messed up.

But challenge aside, I feel I'm pretty safe for the time being here. I like Jacob, Willow, LA, Johnny and Allie and I think I'm getting along with Aromal too. Really the only people who I haven't really been talking with are Star (who's getting evicted today), Daisy and Lily.

I should probably talk more with the other two. All that said, this game is phenomenal. You can never know if you're really safe.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! I FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA But like... wow. I find the idol clue on my very first search, and then on my second search, I find the idol itself. When will your fave... #newqueenintown

We won! Updates game wise so I'm just utr1 instead of inv. 

1. Zak is still a self righteous prick, but he's also smart enough to just flat out target me rn, so idk. 

2. Matt is easy to talk game with, he's seeming a bit paranoid though. 

3. Dana and Ryan, still love em both. 

4. Mitchell is everyone's best friend, hillarious dude. That also sadly means he is the biggest threat in the game. Of course, right now I want to work with threats, but eventually he will be scary. 

5. Karen is still my target. 

6. Gotta try and make Lexi and Monty not flip at a swap. 

7. Linus is the best, he's probably the front runner to win right now.

Okay so I keep forgetting about confessionals oops. But I'm going to my first tribal council ever tonight and I'm a little nervous. I feel like this vote tonight should be pretty simple because everyone in the tribe wants to vote out Star, but I'm worried that he might have an idol or something since 9/10 people in our tribe looked for the idol yesterday. Also I'm still a little bit irritated at myself from the challenge yesterday because it said 7:05 on my computer when I pressed send but it was still 7:04 on the skype clock or whatever Idk

[vitalmindandbody]

Murky Copeland: dancing into history

She was caught between her impoverished baby and the ballet mistress who offered her a way out. Aaron Hicklin convenes Misty Copeland, the first black principal at the American Ballet Theatre

We cannot know whether Misty Copeland would have become Americas most celebrated ballet dancer if she had not met Cindy Bradley, the flame-haired coach who firstly recognised and then sharpened her abilities, but it seems unlikely. Then again, its iffy that Copeland would have met Bradley if not for Elizabeth Cantine, the tutor of her school drill team who urged her to check out the free ballet class at the Boys& Girls Club of San Pedro. Nor is it clear that Copeland would have joined Cantines squad without its support of her idolized older sister, Erica, a drill crew stellar. It was Erica who helped Copeland choreograph an audition portion to George Michaels I Crave Your Sexuality. And who, knowing her narration, can omit the Russian gymnast Nadia Comaneci from this roll call? As a seven-year-old, trying to emulate Comanecis pyrotechnics, Copeland instinctively was known that rhythmic action came as naturally to me as breathing, to mention from her memoir, Life in Motion .

This is life, a cascading line of fortune meetings and arbitrary alternatives that determine our destinies, but for a young pitch-black girlfriend in a working-class Los Angeles suburb, who characterises her childhood as pack, clambering, leaving often scarcely enduring, catching the right bursts are nigh on hopeless. Yet through whatever alchemy of grit, resilience and obsession, Misty Copeland, a 65 lb ragamuffin when she arrived at Bradleys class, thumped the stranges. In August 2015 she was promoted to principal dancer for the American Ballet Theatre( ABT ), the first black maiden to achieve the distinction in the theatres 75 -year history.

For millions of Americans, Copelands journey to the pinnacle of her profession is an archetypal legend of triumph over calamity. At the Boys& Girls Club where she performed her first ballet stairs, todays visitor is confronted with a cover proving Copeland in a forlorn kneel, forehead resting on her knees. Around her swirl paroles like agony, hurt, anguish, rigour and refusal. Next to it is another decorating in which Copeland pirouettes like a music box ballerina, music tones spiralling over her pate. Nearby, a signaling exclaims Great Future Start Here. Copeland is the girl from the wrong side of the tracks who got to stand tall on pointe shoes. Im often asked if Im OK being referred to as the pitch-black ballerina, she mentions. And I suppose: I dont were of the view that something I want to change. Were still at a extent where it needs to be acknowledged all the time.

Pointing the room: the ballet superstar who beat all the peculiars. Picture: Danielle Levitt for the Observer

It is early afternoon, and in a small waiting time inside Steps on Broadway, one of New Yorks best-known dance studios, Copeland sits scrunched up on a terrace trying to talk above the noise of crying toddlers as they wait for a class to inaugurate. Although they might not know it, Copeland is the acme of what those little girls dream to be, and a riposte to classical ballets long biography of exclusion. Its partly her Cinderella story that has drawn her a household name in a marginalised skill, but its also a reflection of the canny practice she has parlayed her visibility beyond the world of ballet. She has danced for Prince( in his 2010 Welcome 2 America tour ), appeared in a 2014 commercial for Under Armour that rapidly disappeared viral, interviewed President Obama and obligated the encompas of Time publication in 2015 the first dancer to do so since Bill T Jones in 1994. Her memoir is to be turned into a movie.

Predictably , nothing of that has stopped the envious from switching her success into a question. Beings ask: Is she going this opportunity merely because shes had such a spokesperson, and because shes black, or is she good enough to get this part? responds Copeland. All of these everything is mess with you psychologically and emotionally. Youd think it would get easier over period, but for me it gets harder.

Copeland did not ever perceive the prejudice she was up against as patently as she does today. As an adolescent, dance was a safe harbour where she appeared wholly at home. Moving to a school in southern California that was very diverse I never felt like I fitted in, she speaks. But stick me in a ballet studio surrounded by white-hot girlfriends, and I was, like: Oh, I belong here. I wasnt even thinking about the color of my skin.

A cripplingly shy child, at her happiest hiding in the closet playing Solitaire or locked in the lavatory listening to Mariah Carey, Copeland was 13 when she discovered dance, a belated epiphany. Ballet was always an flee, she does. It was a situate where I felt safe, and I didnt have that in different aspects of my life growing up. I was so introverted because I felt that something could hurt me. There wasnt ever a man in our house who I trusted, or we werent always living in a lieu where I experienced assure, and ballet was this one constant in “peoples lives” that I could rely on.

Perpetual flow: does her life support the notion that ability is innate? Image: Danielle Levitt for the Observer

In numerous styles Copelands life is a strong validation of the idea that talent is innate. When I experienced her in the gym, a minuscule malnourished girlfriend who stood with such position and presence, I couldnt believe it, enunciates Cantine. I just said: Ill take that one. Copeland is not simply acquired the squad, she was become officer. But when Cantine recommended Bradleys ballet class, Copeland was sceptical. I was, like, Absolutely not this is as far as I go outside my comfort zone. She went to watch, just to please Cantine, dutifully recalling every day for two weeks until Bradley persuasion her to join in. Copeland quickly realised shed found her region. It was the first time I ever appeared beautiful, she enunciates. Just to look in the reflect and is to know: Youre what a ballerina looks like.

Bradley, a former punk rocker who had enjoyed moderate success in the 1980 s with a stripe called the Wigs, took to her brand-new student instant. The affection was reciprocal. Within eight weeks, Copeland had learned to dance en pointe, a skill that most young ballerinas take times to lord. The minute of jubilation is recorded in a photograph that Bradley had the foresight to snap: Copeland is ramrod straight on the point of her right paw, a smile suffusing her face. Cindy was clearly a big part of my raise , not just as a dancer but as person or persons, tells Copeland. I had never experienced person pushing me to express my views, and to transmit. I started to develop skills that were so underdeveloped in me.

Copelands growing intimacy with Bradley called at a time when life at home was get harder. Her mom, Sylvia DeLaCerna, left one temperamental spouse for another, and their own families obtained itself living in a motel, sharing two rooms and pooling loose change to buy food. Copeland noted her escape in ballet, but DeLaCerna annoyed the commute to class was extremely onerous, and told her daughter to quit. That was when Bradley urged DeLaCerna to let Copeland move in with her, sharing a area with her two-year-old son, Wolf. Id only been married for two years, and unexpectedly we had a teenage girlfriend, and she stole our mettles, immediately, tells Bradley. On Fridays, Copeland would form matzo ball soup and illuminated the Sabbath candles. It simply felt like this beautiful happen that they shared, and I think thats what I was drawn to, Copeland speaks. When the Bradleys had a professional pedigree photograph taken, Copeland was part of it.

Girl prodigy: in 1998, as small children dancer. Picture: Kevin Karzin/ AP

Its not difficult to see how this would begin to grate on Copelands mother and siblings, who began describing their sister as brainwashed. When those pushes lastly exploded, soon after Copeland won a prestigious apportion for playing Kitri in her favourite ballet Don Quixote , the fallout was distressing and highly public. DeLaCerna chose her daughter no longer necessitated the Bradleys; in response they spurred Copeland to petition the courts for release from her parents. DeLaCerna opposed back, procuring the famous civil rights lawyer, Gloria Allred. Eventually, Copeland put her petition, but the damage was long-lasting. It was very traumatic having so much of “peoples lives” exposed for everyone to see, she announces. It took 10 years before I could talk about it without announcing. It was no easier for Bradley. It was a huge space that never mended, she mentions. I had so many things to say to her. The two has not been able to speak for 15 years.

In May, Copeland will play Kitri again, but this time in a production for the ABT. Its the role of a lifetime, one she has dreamed about since seeing her idol, Paloma Herrera, play it in 1996. But Copeland is 34 now, and her outing has been arduous. In 2012, daylights after her critically lauded introduction in the title role of Stravinskys Firebird , she detected six stress ruptures in her tibia. It would take seven months of physical therapy before she could return to the stage. Last year, she ultimately got to reprise her Firebird conduct, one of several lead roles she took on within the framework of the ABTs outpouring/ summer season, including Odette in Swan Lake . She also married her long-time beau Olu Evans. Her promotion to principal dancer may be a vindication of her hard work, but she knows a dancers career is short. A couple of weeks after I was promoted to principal dancer was the first occasion I seemed: This is the beginning of the end, she says. I was promoted at a very late age for a dancer, so my job as school principals will definitely be shorter than most. She thoughts for a moment. The terrifying happen is what will fill that vacancy. She laughs. My poor husband.

We live in an period, to repeat dance critic Madison Mainwaring in The Atlantic , when Kim Kardashians selfies get more serious coverage than dancers who have dedicated “peoples lives” to their sort. Copeland might be the exception that proves relevant rules, but the vitality of classical dance in America trips on the trail shes flaming. At a season of increase consciousness around black identity, her narration has seduced new audiences to classical dance. Is it enough? The ballet world is invariably speak about how we need more exposure, to accompanied more parties in, but they dont want to change anything about it, Copeland adds, with aggravation. It doesnt run that channel, something has to change and evolve.

Ruffling plumages: as Odette in Swan Lake in 2015 for the Washington Ballet. Picture: Theo Kossenas Photography

Its a bright blue morning in San Pedro, and the city glows after weeks of excessively high-pitched rainfall. In her pitch-black Volkswagen Beetle, Bradley is pointing out the landmarks of Copelands youth. Did you receive the signal? she questions, pointing to a plaque that reads Misty Copeland Square at an intersection neighboring to the San Pedro Ballet School, a former bakery that Bradley and her husband, Patrick, bought in 1998. The plaque was unveiled just before Christmas in 2015, and if you Google footage of the opening ceremony, you will see a visibly moved Copeland thanking the Bradleys for “re giving me” a track and platform to change is not simply my life, but so many little brown girls lives.

Bradley drives me to her former condo, near a promontory overlooking the ocean. In her memoir, Copeland withdraws it smelling of cinnamon and the high seas. We sit in the car for a while, and Bradley tells narrations of Copeland helping to potty-train Wolf, dancing with him, being a sister. It seems like yesterday, she sighs. I knew it wasnt going to end well from the start. It was superb, but very scary, be thought that every minute was going to be our last-place. She pauses. But it worked out OK.

Our tour objectives where the story begins at the Boys& Girls Club of San Pedro. Inside the gymnasium, Bradley marks the lines of benches. She wasnt just watching casually she was absorbing while she was sitting there, she pronounces, summoning the epitome. She didnt move, she watched intently for a few weeks and kept supposing No , no , no, until finally she stepped on to the storey. She was a skinny, scrawny brown girl with pretty hair.

Joyous duet: with long-time beau Olu Evans, who she marriage last year. Picture: Evan Agostini/ Invision

Ever since Bradley could dance, she has is intended to teach. I just recalled: Everybody needs to know this, she mentions. In Copeland she found her first prodigy. I touched her hoof and thats when the occult happened, she adds, lost in a private reverie. Ive never been able to describe it before, but I knew she was special. Blinking back rends, she shakes her honcho in bewilderment. She hadnt danced! she says. It was an angels singing moment. That very same day, Bradley offered Copeland a fellowship, sending a memo home to her mother.

We walk back through the society, past the twinned postings of Misty Copeland in despair and succes, the pool counter, the vending machine dispensing frozen return barrooms, the spray-painted symbol of the superpower fist. And as we emerge into the sunlight, Bradley regains her coolnes. I have actually simply received my second prodigy Enrique. She attracts out her telephone. Ill depict you a portrait. Like Copeland, Enrique started late( at 16 ), and like Copeland, he is beset by challenges, most having to do with being a Latino man in a macrocosm still defined as white-hot and female. Its the first Ive talked about him, because I learned the first time you should not talk about them too much, mentions Bradley. She giggles, before contributing: Until youre ready to lose them. We both peer at the photo. This is a while ago, so hes most spectacular now, she enunciates, rafter. Hes got it all.

Hair and Make-up by Bank using Pacifica at Factory Downtown; Producer Stephanie Porto; Digital Tech Jordan Zuppa; Lighting perry hallway and JP Herrera; Set design Chris Stone; orientation Stairs on Broadway, NYC

Life in Motio n by Misty Copeland is published by Sphere, 9.99. Prescribe it for 8.49 at bookshop.theguardian.com

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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