#how he regrets telling him to off himself and never being able to truly capture how deeply sorry he is in his words and apologize

[bkgrl]

The last sentence about him wanting all might to pay attention to him and spend as much time with him as he spends with Izuku is so middle child/ ignored child-coded that it hurts 🥲

in my dr bakugo has a diary he writes anything in. even just a smaal sentence, like :"today I beat deku's ass, and he was much stronger" "mineta is totally on my nerves" "I wish allmight spent time with me just as he does with deku" and it's just so lovely to read the diary, tbh. (in the dreams I had from my dr I found a little note he wrote abt me and I was too excited)

[maki-matsurra]

That's What It Takes To Be Infinite (Commission for shadybelievercat)

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It has been months since the jackal had seen Aster, and it was starting to toll on him. The bat and he had gotten close under his persona “Ruby”, but that all changed after Infinite was caught by Sonic and his resistance. 

“You… It was you who…” 

“How could you…” 

“Aster…” 

“HOW COULD YOU?!” 

The thought of that memory made his blood run cold and his heartache. Infinite truly regretted the war, and only wanted justice for his fallen squad… His family. Once he was reformed and served his time with the resistance, he swore that he would never hurt anyone again. But alas, like most promises, he couldn’t keep it. 

The jackal helped another civilian out of the rubble of a crushed building in Station Square, making sure to guide them toward the large group of medics that were just up ahead, ready to treat the injured. 

But that’s when he heard it. 

Gunshots, not too far from where he was posted. 

Infinite whipped his head around as his heterochromatic eyes widened, not expecting anyone else to be near this area due to all of the destruction. He quickly looked back and forth between the sounds and up ahead with the group. He needed to make a decision, fast. 

He turned to the civilian and pointed up ahead, telling them to run and don’t look back. After he did that, he rushed towards the gunfire, his heart racing and his speed picking up. Someone could be injured, someone could need his help. 

The ruined and empty buildings towered over him, debris scattered all over the road that he had to jump over and slide under. These streets used to be filled with life. Peaceful life. But now all it was filled with was memories and horrible events due to the war that the jackal took part in. 

He slid around a corner of a building, seeing the center of Station Square littered with terrorists shooting at a fast-flying civilian. With focused eyes, Infinite was able to spot them easily, a part of him wished he hadn’t. 

It was Aster. The bat held a growl on his scarred face as he zipped around, it wasn’t unusual that he was here; After all, Station Square was where he resided. Aster was more of a neutral party, in the war or in general. A wallflower of sorts. He found heroes like Sonic to be reckless and loud, but still respected them and their beliefs, as well as villains like Dr. Eggman and… Well… Infinite. The bat would have rather spent his time in the library, reading a good book and enjoying the peaceful serenity of silence. 

So why was he here? Fighting off terrorists and risking his own life? If it was Aster’s choice between fight or flight, the bat would choose flight every time. 

The jackal never got to answer his question, because a terrorist with a fortunate shot, was able to clip one of the bat’s wings, a large gash in the skin right between the 4th and 5th digit of the left wing. Aster cried in pain as his eyes widened, falling to the ground with a loud grunt while tumbling to a stop. 

He slowly got on his elbows and glanced behind him with wide, frightful eyes. He stretched out his wing with all of his might, ignoring the burning pain and the dread that was creeping into his body. 

The bat let out a shudder, suddenly feeling like a ton of weight was just collapsing on him and he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. His whole body started to shake and his hearing started to go out. He was beginning to dissociate. 

His wings were everything to him. They were a part of him, his life, they were a part of his soul. And now, one of them was destroyed. Broken. He was broken. He was losing himself. Just like when he was first captured by the fake resistance being run by terrorists during the war. 

Because of his dissociation, he didn’t notice a terrorist walking up to him, his gun trained on the bat and his finger on the trigger. 

But the jackal wouldn’t let Aster get hurt anymore. He would not stand for it. Quickly stepping in, Infinite conjured up illusions of the whole resistance squad with powers from the Phantom Ruby, glaring straight at the group with a loud growl. The terrorists soon trained all their weapons at the illusions and started taking fire, giving the jackal the perfect opportunity to slip by and quickly run towards the injured bat. 

Usually, he would ask if it was alright for him to pick up, let alone touch Aster, but he feared that the terrorist group would soon figure out Infinite’s little party trick. So, he quickly scooped up the bat and started running away from the fight, his heterochromatic eyes scanning around to find a place to calm him down. 

There was a desolate alleyway to his right. 

Perfect. 

The jackal quickly ran over and into the far corner, putting Aster down. The bat soon realized what was going on and quickly started to punch and scoot away from Infinite, his purple and gray eyes full of tears as he yelled; “GET AWAY FROM ME!” 

“Shh! Aster! It’s all right now-” 

“STOP! GET BACK!”

“Aster, please! Someone could hear us!”

“GET AWAY!”

Infinite quickly grabbed the bat’s scarred wrists and gently started to rub a comforting thumb over them. They stood out from the bat’s dark purple fur. “Aster, look at me.” 

Once the bat ignored his request, shutting his tearful eyes and shaking his head, his bangs swaying over his eyes, Infinite tried once more, a little more stern this time, wanting nothing more than to soothe the poor, injured bat. “Look at me.” 

Aster let out a heavy, shaky sob, but managed to peer his eyes open and slowly meet the jackal’s eyes, who held nothing but kindness and comfort. His heart was racing and his breath was still uneven, but at least Infinite was making progress.

“There we go… Steady your breathing… In and out…” Infinite started to slowly inhale and exhale, giving examples for the poor, injured bat, the latter doing his very best to try and follow suit. It was slow, but his heart rate was turning back to normal, and his breathing was less irregular, so Aster slowly slid his eyes shut. 

“You’re alright now. You are safe. If you go to sector 7, there is a group of medics there. They can help you.” 

There was a pause, a brief moment of the serenity of silence that the bat oh so enjoyed. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Aster opened his eyes back up, seeing that Infinite was now gone like a ghost in the wind. Even though he was half blind thanks to the scar on his left eye, he knew his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. The jackal truly left him alone. 

It was a cruel twist of fate, but fate none of the less. The bat hated Infinite after what he had done to his friends… To himself. He wished that the jackal would have just left him alone, but apparently, that was asking for too much. 

Still… Those words kept ringing in his mind. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Was he though? Was Infinite truly sorry for what he had done? Honestly, Aster didn’t know. His feelings were far too conflicted right now, and the pain in his wing was getting worse. He needed to get it patched up. 

‘Sector 7…’ He reminded himself in his mind. His ear twitched as he bit his lip, brows furrowing. He wondered if Infinite would be there and if it was a good idea to go with the resistance. He couldn’t trust them… Not after what happened with the terrorists. 

He let out a groan and leaned the back of his head towards the brick wall, staring up into the now sun-setting sky. The bat decided that he would go meet the medics. 

But in a little while. 

After all, right now, he just needed to hear peaceful silence and watch the blue and pink sky. 

[daisiesandshakes]

Hi can I request jealousy headcanon for Isaac,Arthur,Mozart,comte please

Hi dear nonny! Thank you so much for your request ��

Sorry it took so long, night shifts were exhausting...

Here you go, I hope you like it! 💝

(@ashavazesa , I'm tagging you, maybe you like it!)

Jealousy headcanons

for Isaac, Arthur, Mozart &

le Comte

Isaac

The shy, poor boy doesn't know what hits him, he wasn't prepared... It is the first time he's really in love and it is his first time being jealous.

He wouldn't talk about his feelings in the beginning, because he feels a bit ashamed about them. Additional he's not used to talk about feelings anyway, so he bottles up.

You recognize his strange behavior like avoiding your glare, his abrupt short answers (especially towards the male who causes the jealousy), but at first you can't figure out where it comes from. He would also act more possessive than usual, suddenly kiss you firmly in front of others or pulling you close.

Though he knows you love him truly, he's unsettled deep inside and needs your reassurance. You'll have to push him slightly to open up, to tell you what's on his mind. When he does...oh boy.

With glowing eyes and fervent words he'll beg you to SHOW him your love, pushing you onto the bed. Needy for your touch and your words of love, nothing remains from his shyness. He won't let you go the next hours, making sure you're really his.

"Isaac, please tell me what concerns you... did I something wrong?"

You're sitting next to him in his room on the edge of the bed.

"N- no... It's not that."

His behavior was oddly brusque today and you are really concerned.

With a sigh you overthink what happened all day and then something klicked. You spent a lot of time with Napoleon while he teached the kids. Could it be?  "Isaac, are you jealous?"

The vampire flinches and draws his gaze away from yours, a blush appears on his handsome face.

You cup his face, forcing him to look at you. Gazing deep into his beautiful cherryblossom eyes you ask "Isaac, you know that I love you, that my heart belongs only to you, don't you?"

"Y- yes. My head knows it, but..." suddenly he pushes you down.

"Show it to me." He whispers, his voice husky and deep, his eyes dark with passion before his lips captures yours in a fiery kiss, his fingers ripping your blouse open.

Mozart

Mozart is probably the worst with jealousy (besides Theo). He even can't stand the thought of another male being too close to you. It doesn't matter if it is another resident or a complete stranger, he is very possessive and you only belong to him. No other has the right to touch you.

If someone touches you by accident, his possession drives him to get rid of the foreign scent on you immediatly.

When it's a strange male (talking to him would be enough to drive him crazy), he would be broiling jealous, unable to express himself. Normally Mozart is very straight forward, but not when it comes to express his feelings for you. Blaming you for being too trustful, he would even start an argument.

But Mozart loves you so much, you're so precious to him, he'll regret his harsh spoken words soon and searches for a way to talk.

Admitting his jealousy, he shows you that there is only one way to calm him down. Claiming your body and mind he would train you to who you belong until the sun rises and your voice is hoarse.

"M- Mozart, what-" you gasp as he pulls you behind the thick curtains, sealing your lips with his. "You spent enough time with the other residents." He breathes hard as he pulls away. "Especially with Leonardo. I don't like his cigarello scent on you." Your eyes grow wide. "Wolf, are you jealous?"

A faint rose appears on his cheeks. "I don't want to be...But yes I am."

"But... You don't have to be jealous. I love you so much, Wolf. There is no room in my heart for another man."

"I know, meine Liebe. But it seems that my heart doesn't accept this truth fully." His radiant violet eyes pierces into your soul.

"What can I do to make you feel better, Wolf?"

A slight smirk plays at the corner of his lips as he leans forward. "Await me in the thermae. I'll make sure the only scent that remains on your body is mine, and obviously I'll have to remind you the next hours to who you belong." fervent spoken words next to your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

Arthur

He never felt jealousy before. Being a rotten flirt, Arthur is used to be the reason for that emotion, he never thought it could happen to him.

Trying to hide his feelings he'd cover them with playful words and actions. But when a male approaches you and gets too close, he won't think twice to make clear you are HIS girlfriend, holding you at your waist, whisking you away.

Deep inside Arthur has the feeling he doesn't deserve you, so he is afraid to loose you and gets easily jealous. He wouldn't like to admit it to you , worried he could scare you off.

But you are not able to overlook the pout and scowl on his handsome face or to overhear the truth hidden behind his joking words, irrelevant how much he tries to mask his feelings.

Arthur has a deep longing for your reassurance in words and body language, he needs your touch so bad, be prepared for exhausting, delightful hours between the sheets after he got jealous.

You are sitting on the couch in Arthur's room, rambling about your day with Vincent. Lately he gives you advices in painting techniques and you enjoy them, happy to make progress in your hobby. Arthur looks up from the papers with a smile, sitting at his desk.

"Darling, you sound really happy. I know you enjoy painting with Vincent, but are you sure you didn't decide secretly to leave your filthy boyfriend for this pure angel, Luv?" Arthur chuckles. For a split second a hurt expression appears in his loving gaze and his voice didn't sound as lighthearted as it should. You set your cup of coffee down with a surprised look on your face. "Are you jealous?"

A slight rose tints his cheeks as he pulls his gaze away.

You hurry over to him cupping his face and locking eyes. "Arthur, you are the only one for me. You are the love of my life, you know that, don't you?" Your thumbs caress his cheeks.

Arthur's big blue eyes waver at your words and he inhales deeply.

"You have no right to be this adorable" he whispers with a husky voice as he pulls you on his lap. Kissing your lips ardently his fingers already unbutton your blouse. "Say that again, luv" he smiles at your lips. "And then I'll make sure you won't ever forget that you are MY adorable girlfriend" he breathes at your skin as his lips travel from your jaw to the neck.

Le Comte

Comte seems to be always so calm and thoughtful, but when it comes up to you all this is nothing but dust in the wind. He waited for you and your love for centuries, now that you are his he's confronted with the deepest fear of loosing you.

Also he is insecure inside, thinking he doesn't deserve someone so precious like you (are you surprised?). This uncertainty is more fuel to the fire of the jealousy that rages in his heart.

Despite his always graceful and sublime conduct le Comte is very passionate and possessive. He can't bear another man touching you, even it is only your hair. On the other side he wants you to live freely, interacting with the other residents as usual. So he would get jealous real quick, but:

Wearing a mask of gentlemanly behavior and used to lock up his feelings you wouldn't notice his jealousy until it's "too late". Maybe it was only you and Leonardo in the library, sticking heads together and giggling about something. Maybe it was a stranger at the market, picking up an apple for you that dropped to the floor, holding your delicate hand while putting the apple into it.

When he corners you after that in his room, there'll be no escape. Le Comte will make sure that you're his, taking possession of your body and mind until there is nothing left but thinking of him and moaning his name. He will only stop when you pass out due to the overwhelming passion.

Le Comte cocks slightly an eyebrow due to the sight that is presented to him in the library. Arthur stands in front of the bookshelfs, carrying you bridal-style. "What happened?" he asks with honest concern. "Oh, our pretty dove wanted to spread her wings. I catched her as she fell from the ladder" Arthur replies lighthearted. "Luv, if you want my touch so bad, all you have to do is ask. You don't have to risk your health to get it" smirking he looks deep in your eyes. You feel your cheeks grow hot as you hit him at his shoulder. "Put me down, Arthur!" With a wry chuckle he lets you go, giving le Comte an amused sideways glance. "Okay, my performance as a hero is over, back to work then." With these words Arthur leaves the library and you exhale, looking concerned over to the pureblood. "You know that it was only an accident? I feel a bit embarrassed and.." Le Comte cuts you off, smiling gently.

"Ma cherie, don't worry. I understand what happened, everything is fine."

With a relieved smile you pick up the dropped books "I should have known, that something stupid like this doesn't concern you..."

You hear a sharp inhale and look up. His expression is serious, his eyes burn like melting gold in a furnace. Approaching you with slow, predatory steps he asks softly "When did I say I don't care?"

With a fluid move he pins you against the bookshelf, kissing you senseless. You both pant for air as he breaks the kiss. "I await you in my room. Now. Your chores are done for today." Comte leaves you with trembling legs.

Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it 💝

[gildatheplant]

OK hear me out. The above showcases the similarities between Daniel and Louis with regards to watching people and trying to capture artistry in day to day life (Daniel through writing and Louis through photography). They both seem to be searching for something through other people- understanding, connection, a deeper meaning of some kind. But in episode 4 the show highlights a crucial difference:

Daniel is good at his craft. Louis is not.

From the very first episode of season 1, it has been mentioned numerous times that Daniel is a Pulitzer Prize winning author. He has interviewed, challenged and written about the richest and most powerful people the world has to offer. He has tackled controversial topics fearlessly and gained accolades for it. Even when Louis addresses the inconsistencies in some of the things Daniel wrote, it was Daniel's memory that was the issue, never the skill of his writing.

Season 2 introduced us to Louis as a photographer, and by episode 4, it's clear that it has gone from a hobby to something that Louis genuinely wants to pursue as a career. The only problem is that (in Dubai Louis' own words) he wasn't able to get past the amateur stage. He offers excuses- mostly blaming his vampirism- but there are hints it's actually a fault in Louis' personality. For one, he doesn't take criticism well at all, getting defensive about the art dealer's genuine critiques. More crucially, when the art dealer does compliment the photo of Armand, Louis brushes it aside, dismissing the art dealer's comments about capturing Armand's vulnerability. Basically, Louis says he wants to photograph people as they are, to find some kind of truth in them, but even when he does, he's blind to it. Louis cannot capture people, cannot create truly captivating art, because he holds himself too distant from them and dismisses that which doesn't fit with how he perceives the subject.

Daniel, on the other hand, is very good at seeing people as they truly are, uncovering their layers and figuring them out. His methods can sometimes be blunt, even to the point of cruelty, but he is honest. Daniel doesn't dismiss things that go against his initial thoughts or expectations, he runs after them.

I think this is why Louis was so drawn to Daniel, why the San Francisco interview turned into what it did. Louis picked Daniel up, thinking he'd be able to tell his story and get some things off his chest, but Daniel (despite being drunk and high no less) was far more skilled than Louis anticipated. It explains why, after he loses control and attacks Daniel, he clearly regrets it and tries to stop Armand from further hurting him. Louis realizes that Daniel has a genuine gift. It also explains why Louis was so humiliated by the Stein photo incident- in that moment Daniel wasn't a human and Louis wasn't a vampire, they were both artists...and Louis felt like he'd just been caught being a poser in front of a far more accomplished artist.

As a side note: I also suspect Armand becomes drawn to Daniel for a similar reason. Armand initially starts rooting around in Daniel's brain, knocking him down and criticizing him, only for Daniel to surprise him with his intuitive nature. While most vampires seem to put up fronts of some kind, Daniel's just brutally honest (with one major exception of course).

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

Unrequited love

I should be working on comfort requests-

Instead, I have two ideas that kept me awake last night cause I apparently like to make Dazai suffer.

Angst (Idk kinda?)

Words: 1491

Unrequited love |Dazai x Reader x Chuuya|

Shadows loomed over the night, coating the starless sky. The light provided by street lamps left the deeper down into the alleyways. Cold winds blew past, ruffling the black mafioso coat, the symbol of death. The familiar crimson dripped from the barrel of the mafioso's gun. As it landed the blood crystallized into beautiful roses, courtesy from his partner. Normally there would be three of them. A devil, a demon, and a god. When the three worked together there wasn’t anything they couldn’t do, alone they were just as strong. The devil, as most people in the underworld called him, placed the gun back on its hold. He looked back at the demon with no expression, only jolting his head to the side. Even in the dim light, they were memorized by the devil. Perhaps that’s why they were the demon. What else could love the devil? A man so cruel he held no mercy, not for his co-workers, his enemies, he had nothing to spare. Some pity him, an executive at such a young age, so heartless and cruel. Surely he was suffering beneath the layers. Of course, that’s what they, the demon, thought.

They were 17 when the demon held a bundle of crystallized flowers. Having dipped them in water and turned the liquid that laid atop the petals into crystals they handed them to the male. Dazai, the devil only rolled his eyes. It wasn’t the first or last time this would happen. How many times had they confessed to the brunette, only to receive silence? Then again, they had never said they loved him. The brunette let them cling to him, much to the ginger's displeasure. The god tended to be the middle between them. Chuuya hated watching his partner's ungrateful attitude. To be honest, he was still shocked Dazai hadn’t tried to ravage the one they called a demon.

The day you, the demon, stood in front of Dazai, just before he’d leave forever, you spoke the three words. Instead of silence, he gave that dark shadowy look. Though only one eye was exposed his message was clear. Even in those dark, deadly eyes that showed no emotion, you could tell before he spoke. “When will you take the hint? I don’t have interest in you, never will." His words were so cold.

You looked down as your heart nearly leaped from its place. You stood and watched him leave to the scene of an explosion. You stood before your knees gave out and you fell. That was the last time you would see him for four years.

Dazai spent every day thinking about that moment, the different paths that you could have walked. To not immerse yourself in the senseless bloodshed for life. Had he said yes could you be here among the Agency laughing like you used to? He heard the new rumors, the things they said about you. A Deity of bloodshed. Nobody saw you and lived to tell the tale. An executioner of the port mafia. A heartless demon who lived only to spread their misery to others. They said your eyes were cold and emotionless. No longer lively and that beautiful trap he had been captured by. They said you never laughed, but when you did it was to mock your victims. The cheerful laugh that used to mix into the few good dreams he had now lay within the nightmares. Some Days he woke up and saw the old him. Other times he would wake up from a nightmare and swear you were there. Looking back at him in the mirror. A look of hate on your face as you blamed him for the monster you are.

The rumor that hurt the most had to be your relationship status. Nobody could confirm it, but hearing that you and Chuuya had become a killer duo killed him. Jealousy, anger, disgust, most of that aimed at himself. Another reason to add to the list of miseries he’s gone through. The others at the agency never noticed the way his mind was starting to unravel as rumors increased. As more and more people began to fear the name he regretted tossing to the side. He had been scared of those words, the three words he still can’t say because he’s afraid of how human they make him. For years, he’s been so distant from humanity. Why did it take him so long to realize that pain in his chest as he declined your confessions? The shattering pain he felt when he walked away was his own heart shattering from a love that could have been. He could only imagine you sitting at the desk laughing away with his coworkers. He could imagine his hands over your eyes as he surprised you.

The worst trick of his eyes was when he could really see you sitting there at the empty desk. When he could hear your laughter. Why did this world have to hate him so much? It’s hated him from the day he was born. He hated living so alone, and he could have had somebody, could have shared the miseries of this world with you but he won’t be able to.

Your first appearance at the agency happened during a meeting. The guild would be a problem only the two agencies combined could conquer. His eyes had spotted you immediately. You looked matured, no longer the demon who was far too kind to wear such a title. You truly looked like he had once. Eyes devoid of all emotion. You held your head high, hands behind your back as you took a right next to Mori. Chuuya stood next to you, and upon seeing Dazai his lips curled into a cruel smirk. He leaned over to whisper into your ear.

The smile your lips curled into mirrored the twisted smirk he would wear when delivering punishments to his underlings. He could only shiver before the two of you shared a brisk kiss. His whole world shattered but he held himself together. He kept his unusually bright smile as the two leaders worked out a deal.

When the two of them showed before Dazai he could only wave to hear your voice. “Listen Dazai, neither of us is pleased about working with you. The faster this is done the less we have to deal with you and your heartless personality.” Dazai had no words, he’d never heard you talk like that before. You were always the one silent or praising his accomplishments.

After the mission when Chuuya passed out from using corruption he reached out to you. “Y/n, what happened to you?” among all the questions amidst his mind that one spilled from his lips first.

“Oh Dazai, you happened. The mafia changes people the same way your… current job does.” you sounded disappointed and disgusted.

Behind that mask, you were crying out. Your heart raced as he stood in front of you. A part of you still wanted to hold him as you had. You learned the hard way feelings only granted you pain. “You know, keeping the act up won’t last that long. I recognize the act. Modeled after how I used to hide away?” The snarl that passed over your lips as you reached to punch him didn’t surprise him.

Though it hurt both of you, it took his taunting words to bring out the emotions swimming under the lock. “I hate you. Get it into your head Dazai! You broke me, you abandoned me, you abandoned us! All for what some stupid friend! I was there longer than him Dazai… I held you after nightmares, I cleaned the wounds after battle. Do you know what hurts more than rejection? Abandonment! I trusted you, we trusted you with everything and you threw it all away like nothing. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? He was some stupid friend you spent less time with, knew for less, sure he didn’t kill, he was perfect, better than me but you didn’t even say goodbye!”

He didn’t get to respond before you carried Chuuya off.

Dazai could only stare at the ground and the stains of blood that lay crystallized from your outburst. You had never been good at holding back. He plucked the grass from the ground holding the frozen crimson in his hand. It didn’t melt in his touch as he looked around for a complete flower. He’d kept everything you gave him, he loved the collection of crimson flowers, real flowers, even rain or snow. Your ability was so beautiful and peaceful, like you had been. However, all he found were shards that could cut through flesh. Cruel like the persona you’d adopted to keep yourself from being hurt. He envied Chuuya, who now lay at the receiving end of your love while he stood within the bubble of hate that iced over your heart.

[rayofsunas]

valentine | diluc [1]

A/n: we’re back with the mini-series for a while and this time with Diluc! I decided to start back off with Diluc because I actually had a plot for him lol. btw, requests are back open!! I still have a few more to write, but I’m definitely happy to accumulate more! stay safe everyone and enjoy!!

Summary: the ever so stoic diluc thought he was being secretive when sending anonymous letters and gifts to you during the week of valentine’s day but turns out everyone in mondstadt knew it was him, though thankfully had tight enough lips to not spill the beans to you. kaeya is of no help, so you go seeking answers yourself.

Parings: Diluc/Fem! Reader (for my other mini-series, there will be some gn ones!)

Warnings: valentines (yes, I’m late, shoot me), fluff

Word count: 1.2k

Diluc Ragnvindr’s heart was on fire. Set so badly ablaze that no amount of cryo or hydro could be used to extinguish it. He was one hundred percent sure that even after the red muscle stopped beating, it would still be burning, nowhere near crisping. 

That’s how badly he was smitten. Twitterpated, The Honorary Knight had joked; a word he’d never heard of, assuming it was from her mysterious world. Yes, he was... twitterpated. Lovestruck. So badly in love, he didn’t know what to do nor how to react.

This was a normal emotion, though, at times of inconvenience, the redhead couldn’t help but feel like it should stay foreign, locked away forever only to be unlocked by a key that he'd throw away. His love for you was so strong, that it paralyzed his being, entirely. 

The tug on his heart every time you spoke soft words to him, moved him well beyond admiration. Your thoughtfulness and leadership towards the younger Knights, even when he had an evident grudge against them all, was something he respected. Despite his obvious distrust in the Knights, you were the one difference, an outcast of sorts in that profession. He could get behind you, accept you as a worthy Knight. You were honorable, respectable, strong. He adored you in a way no one saw coming.  

He wanted to tell you. Tell you about the countless amounts of times the mere thought of you had kept him well awake into the night. How every little thing reminded him of you. How he felt the most uncomfortable, yet warmly welcoming tingles all over every inch of him when you spoke. 

But how could he confess his love to you? He was a lone wolf of sorts, Archons, he wasn’t good with words at all. Not anymore. They were harsh, passive, blunt - what woman could love a man like that... He didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve happiness. Not in the form of love, not in the form of anything, not from you. His duty was to protect Mondstadt, be the savior everyone so badly needed. But he so badly wanted you and the craving deepened every day. 

So, that’s how he found himself sitting in his office one night, quill and ink in front of him, eyes gliding over a blank piece of paper, thinking of all the words he’d wanted to say. This was the week of Valentine's day, surely this could be the only time that made sense in his mind, where he could confess his feelings for you. 

Despite having a few ideas of what to say, he had no idea where to start. He couldn’t just come out and say I love you, especially since he’d be writing the letter anonymously... That would seem weird, he didn’t want to scare you, freak you out so bad that you rejected his letters and decided to throw them away or burn them. That would surely tear his part into hundreds of pieces. 

Unfortunately enough in this situation, he just happened to be a man of very few words, not used to expressing himself romantically. 

He’d never written a love letter, never once had the words I love you slipped from his tongue. Not unless they were directed towards his mother or father. Sadly, he was unsure they both knew how much he loved and respected them, he’d only said those three little words when they were on their way to heaven... So, he guessed that his aloof behavior towards this all made perfect sense. The young master wasn’t well versed in any type of love language; physical, verbal, or anything in between. The only type of love he’d received and given was paternal and maternal. A different type of love, that was a different type of love than right now.

But Diluc was persistent to spew all his thoughts or else he’d be thinking of you until he was on his deathbed. Eventually, he hoped to reveal himself too, that was preferred. But for right now? He’d stay hidden in the shadows, like the Darknight Hero he was. 

Maybe he was terrified. Scared of your possible rejection, scared to be so open and outgoing, scared to put his feelings on the line only to say the wrong thing and push you away.

Diluc wasn’t scared of many things, no, only a few things had been able to shake him to his core and make him feel utterly weak in the knees from fear.

One, his parents' deaths. Two, you and his love for you...

For once, he wishes he was more like his brother, Kaeya. The Cavalry Captain, outgoing, flirtatious and he could win over any woman or man his heart desired. Diluc had to admit, Kaeya never said the wrong thing unless it was straight idiocy and teasing in nature, that’s where he drew the line and went back to disliking him. But Kaeya was perfect for this... He regretted even thinking this, but maybe seeking his little brothers' help would be best. He didn’t even know where to start or if he would sound like a creep. Archons, he did not want to sound like a creep... Definitely, the last thing he wanted.

So yes, the cryo user was perfect for this. One of the only worries of telling his brother his concerns and need of assistance was the fact that the Captain was unpredictable. Kaeya could be loose-lipped when he wanted and tight-lipped when the situation called for it. He truly was the only two-faced man Diluc had ever come across in his entire twenty-two years of living, that embodied that title proudly, without shame. 

But then he truly thought this through... No. It’d be best not to do that, for at least right now. He’d wait a while until he felt utterly trapped and cornered. Then he would seek... guidance. 

The remainder of the night, the pyro user wrote countless letters, had gone through a sizable amount of ink and paper, and his quill was starting to wear thin. But eventually, he settled on a final product. He was the unsurest he’s ever felt, as he cringed at the letter, folded and sealed it tightly. A hue of red and pinks highlighted his cheeks, brighter than any star in the sky.

Archons, why was he tormenting himself like this... Why.

letter one.

I know this may seem odd, coming from a stranger. But I can assure you I am not a creep of any kind. I can’t help but say, I admire your skills in battle; you’re a force to be reckoned with. Please accept these Cecilia’s, I hope they aren’t too much nor are you allergic.

Best wishes.

Now that he thinks of it, he kind of sounded like he was writing to a business partner, maybe even a Knight honorable of recognition... No, he sounded like a child. Goodness, he’d have to work on expressing himself better. Surely, this wouldn’t capture your heart, no. This would completely friendzone him even more!

Unfortunately, though, it was only then that the letter had already been sent off by his falcon, that he realized that by being anonymous, you would have no way to write a reply to him, and if you somehow did, he’d have no way of retrieving it without revealing himself.  

Archons, he was an idiot.

A lovesick idiot.

[🏷] TAGLIST (if you want to be removed from/added to this specific taglist let me know!)

@gladly-olus , @kyquu , @craptainlou , @mintydump , @chscklvr , @irisxiel , @minh0ree , @whatishappinesswhatislove , @rrintarou , @sorenthousand , @cvsmix​ ,

3.3.21, rayofsunas

[inlustrissss]

Last Time

“The woman was scared to die all alone in a foreign country”

SPOILER WARNING!! CHAPTER 138

Edit: Thank you for 200 notes 😊😚

Levi x fem!Reader

TW! : slight angst but also mentioning of death, dw, got some nice and bittersweet moments as well

Summary: Levi and his fiancé are part of the survey corps and on a dangerous mission to stop Eren Jaeger in his plan with the rumble. On Marleyan ground, right before everything crumbles down, (Y/N) sees her life flash before her eyes

As Falco had caught on to the Kirschtein man, Connie looked devastated, the scene before the strong soldiers of Paradis unfolding into a complete disaster as Armin was about to detonate the bomb right around where Erens nape connected to it's bone-ish body.

"We need to get out quick!! Armin's gonna blow those bones to pieces!"

Having held down on to Piecks cart Titan body, (Y/N) loosened her grapple-hook, the gravity pulling her towards the ground as the hook returned to it's place at the ODM-Gear. At the same time the black haired woman Pieck emerged out of the Titan form, letting herself fall and hugging the (H/C) haired woman tightly.

Facing the ground, Falcos wings caught the women: "The armored Titan should be able to withstand the colossus Titan explosion—", seeing Jeans concern of their fellow old comrade, she tried to ease his worries as she sweated, "And most of all: Reiner's prepared for all of the consequences. To let this opportunity get away would be to let that go to waste!"

As suddenly Falcos Titan body increased its speed and flew up higher into the sky, (Y/N)s reflexes kicked in, making her close her eyes in fear. She felt an arm hug her waist tightly. Caught off guard, her (E/C) orbs opened frantically and her head swinging into the direction of the arms owner: it was her fiancé, the very man who had asked for her to marry him right in the middle of the war. Gifting the strongest soldier of humanity a subtle smile as a thank you, and maybe even slight reassurance for herself, she seemed to melt at his touch, getting lost in the rare colour of his cool blue eyes. Sighing, his tense shoulders relaxed for a second: "You okay?" His deep voice almost hoarse as it came out as a whisper, "Don't do anything reckless, stupid." Nodding speechlessly the woman noticed the bright light from behind her-- the bomb had been detonated and a loud, ear piercing bang sounded throughout the trampled battlefield of Marley. 

Wide eyes glancing towards the direction of Eren whereabouts, hands covering ears, the ring on (Y/N)s finger sparkled whenever the warm rays of sunlight reached the beautiful material. 

Was the battle finally over?

There was no time to think of the answer to that question, there wasn’t even any time to think of the question in the first place. It was a bittersweet moment, when Falco finally landed on the ground in front of those Marleyans and Eldians who had survived the ramble up until now. Leaving his titan body Falcos eyes searched the crowd for his parents. The little yet brave girl Gabi doing the same, running up to her mother and aunt, hugging them tightly just as Pieck did with her parents. Carefully jumping off of the bird like titan body, (Y/N) and Connie took a hold of Levis weakened body, making sure he stood on his feet before Connie adjusting his arm and placed it around his neck. The engaged woman never leaving her financés side, she held him by his torso, looking at the children that had been with them for a long time throughout the war, finally reuniting with their parents. The sight of Gabi smiling made her forget all of her worries. With Levi close to herself, nothing could beat them now.

“It’s not like I don’t have any regrets but-”, Connie looking around, seeing all the crying faces, “we did the right thing, didn’t we?” “We stopped the rumbling..”

“Wait!”, Gabi suddenly called out, running towards the cliff, almost falling off of it if it weren’t for (Y/N)s reflexes to catch the impulsive girl, “Watch it Gabi!”, the woman said with concern lacing her sweet voice, “But Reiner is still fighting.. and Armin?!”, looking back to the battlefield, they saw Reiner on the ground with Armin walking over to the cliff where everyone had been.

“They’re okay.”, said Jean as he patted Gabis should, but something had caught their attention. 

It was the centipede- like looking creature, which had taken control over Eren when he had transformed into the founding titan: “Hey, look over there!!”, yelled Connie while pointing at the thing, “It survived the explosion?” “What the fuck is that thing..”, mumbled Levi with a disgusted look, “Who knows, love.”, said (Y/N), “But all I know is that we can’t let this thing survive.”, with a determined look she glanced to her comrades, tightening her grip on to Levi. A bright light emitted behind the colossal titan,  the place where Erens corpse had been. “I didn’t think it’d take that much to kill you..”, said Jean as he was looking towards the bright light, seeing a titan form in the distance.

Long brown hair dancing with the wind, it was Eren.

“We can’t let Eren get to that thing down there!”, yelled (Y/N). Right when she was about to turn towards Levi and possibly get him ready for another fight, she noticed him groaning and his head hanging low, “Levi? What’s wrong?!”, brows furrowing, she tried to take a hold of his eyes with hers. “Just a headache.”, he whispered.

 A headache- come to think of it, Mikasa had been having headaches throughout the fight with Eren too..

Noticing how Gabi had crouched down with the others, (Y/N) decided to let her finacés headache slide and see what was going on. “What is this smoke?”, asked Gabi, “Smoke?”, inspecting further, (Y/N) saw how the creature had deflated, leaving only smoke behind, which soon covered a large space and devoured almost all of the mountain where they had been seeking their cover. “Is that thing finally dying?”, Mikasa groaned as he raised his brow suspiciously at the thing. But Connie had another answer: “No, it doesn’t smell like a dead titan”, his hand covering mouth and nose at the smell. His heart dropping and hands growing colder with each second, he was under shock: “Isn’t it the same they did in...”, he swallowed, “..In Ragako?”

Only hearing the confused voices speaking in the background, it was completely silent among the group. No one dared to mutter another word, it had all come to an end.

She wanted to cry but she couldn’t, her heart stopped to fear it only started to clench in worry, “Levi you have to get out of here”

It only rung louder and stronger, it was like his head was killing him slowly, praising him with a painful dead, it was like his instinct was punishing him for his failure. No it can’t be instinct, he truly did love her, he was no servant. Yet his DNA was telling otherwise.

“No don’t do this to me-”, the Ackerman males murmurs were cut off by his beloved soon to be wife, “Pieck, Mikasa! Get on Falco and hurry!”

“Please oh god don’t do this to me-”

“Levi, it’s okay.”, softly touching his cheek, being careful not to hurt his injury under the dirty and sweat stained bandages, she held his paled face. This very face she saw all those years ago, when he was captured by commander Erwin with his fellow friends Isabel and Farlan, oh how she has missed them all.  Recalling their first interaction when Hanji ran off to greet them at their first expedition, praising them on their skill with the ODM gear.

She glanced at his eyes. Those eyes she first truly started to take in the night he was at his worst, crying under the moonlit night, cursing himself how he could’ve been stronger. Those seemingly cold eyes that would always watch over squadleader (L/N)s doings. Those very eyes that would always gaze at her with love and tender were struck with fear and disbelief now. She knew he was too weak, she was scared he wouldn’t be able to handle another death. 

Levis nose stung, his eyes burning, this is it, he was close to crying. But as he heard her sweet voice, it was as if there was no war raging, “It’s okay my love”, she said with an almost inaudible whisper, forcing herself to not break down and cry herself. “You need to get out of here Levi”, her voice calming his penetrating headache, “You need to survive” Foreheads pressed together, (Y/N) swiftly let go off of his face to look at her right hand, “Here quick, take the ring honey-”, sliding off the engagement ring, she took Levis weak hand and pressed the warm yellow gold into his palm, she smiled softly, not noticing a single tear slip, “I’ll see you again Levi”

Pressing her warm lips tightly against his cold ones, she took a hold of his shoulders and hugged him. 

He hesitated, needing to take in what just happened but hugged her back just as tight, patting down her messy hair, just like hed always do to keep his beloved tidy. As they slowly parted she whispered “You need to hurry.”

Their moment seemed as if took hours.

Seeing Falco take off with the one she devoted herself to, (Y/N) finally broke down. Her life flashing by her eyes and even all the talks she had with Levi about her future, she played it all out just how it could’ve been.

Remembering how he had asked her to be his wife in the middle of war, because he was scared he wouldn’t survive, thinking of all the reassurence they both gave themselves until now.  Dreaming of a future together, knowing it would stay one.

She cried.

Hot tears streaming down her flushed cheecks, she wasn’t even able to keep up with the flow of her tears anymore, (Y/N) just gave up on trying to dry them. The woman was scared to die all alone in a foreign country.

“So this is how it ends, huh?”, (Y/N) stopped.

It was Jean who was pulling her close towards himself, Connie on his other side, hugging the taller male as well. “Guess so..”, said Connie. Turning towards Jean with an indifferent expression he scoffed, “Remember the night of the entrance ceremony?”, Jean nodded, “This is your fault we’re here right now.”

At their bickering right before the end made, (Y/N) had to laugh, “Stop it you guys, now’s not the time” Connie groaned, “Come on, when’s ever the time..”, but Jean apologized, “I’m sorry Squadleader”

Growing only sadder at the title, (Y/N) sighed: “Drop the act Jean, we’re only human after all.”

“Right.. (Y/N)”

She wished she could look into Levis warm eyes again.

She longed to see, she would do everything,

just to see him one last time

 Closing her eyes, she let the sunrays hit her skin, making her look angelic with the golden glow. Will it hurt? Will it be quick? Her mind growing ever so slight when the worries ceased, she didn’t want those things to be the last thing, worry should not consume ones life.

So when the time finally came, she only thought of Levi Achermann, the man she had loved the most in her life.

Seeing his beautiful steel gray eyes in her mind set her at ease.  So she rememniced his lovely touch for one last time.

[liyuesbian]

✧ 101 dalmatians!au [ayaka]

notes: ........this is actually an updated (not rly) version of my 101 dalmatians!au with seulgi on my kpop gg writing blog..... sorryyyy i'm not being lazy i promise!! i've just got back from holiday and am working on a ningguang x reader but it might take a while (i rly wanna perfect it) so this is a placeholder for now :p

you would occasionally spot kamisato ayaka in the park walking her dalmatian. she's well-known around the local area because of her older brother: the mayor of the city. in fact, you also have a dog of the same breed, which is what drew you to her in the first place—minus her eye-catchingly extravagant outfits and cute facial features.

your own dalmatian is wonderful. when you were ten years old, your christmas wish was to get a puppy. much to your younger self’s disappointment, santa claus had gifted you with a rather large—and older—"puppy" than you had imagined in your head. nevertheless, you treated the newly named pongo with as much love as you could give him.

fast forward about ten years later and here is the same pongo eagerly trying to gain your attention as you sit in front of your piano. you’re thinking of how best to go about composing the last few bars of a song you’re working on.

unbeknownst to you, the dalmatian had sneakily altered the time of the clock and is now motioning to the door, howling. you double-check the time on your wristwatch but despite the inconsistency, you decide to go for the daily walk and attach a leash to his collar. it seems like you have no other choice: pongo has your hat between his teeth and is scratching at the door handle. you laugh as you give in to your dog’s contagious enthusiasm, taking your fedora from his mouth.

with the leash in one hand and a ball in the other, you are manhandled—or should i say doghandled—as pongo drags you all the way to the park. he appears to be looking for something, but you dismiss it. you attempt to undo the clasp of the leash, failing when pongo suddenly dashes off.

“slow down, pongo!” you yelp. this kind of high-energy behaviour isn’t new to you but it certainly catches you off-guard. in the end, you let your dog indulge himself in his antics and you’re led to the edge of the lake where you take a seat and gasp for breath. goodness, you don’t think you’ve ever done so much running in your life.

exhausted, you fan yourself with your fedora and loosen the top button on your dress shirt. the grass underneath you feels nice to rest on compared to the wooden chair you’d been sitting on for the whole morning.

it takes you a second to notice your companion gazing at a certain animal behind you. turning around, you recognise the dalmatian who’s seized pongo’s eyes from her pink collar and apprehensively look up to the owner. she’s perched on a bench next to the dog with her signature fan and a book in her hands. in shock, you jerk your head forward and blink a few times.

should we move somewhere else?

as if sensing your uneasiness, pongo barks and jumps to grab your hat. you sigh but grin at his mischievous face.

“come on, pongo. give it back.” taking her eyes off the pages of her book, ayaka glances at you and your dog, the ends of her mouth curving up ever so slightly to form a smile which stays hidden behind the upright fan. you throw the ball lightly in an attempt to get him to drop your hat.

it doesn't quite work and instead, rolls in the direction of the occupied bench. perdita, ayaka's dalmatian, glimpses at it, trying to withhold the urge to play with the bouncy toy. ayaka chuckles which causes you to cease your glaring at pongo to face her. the ringing of her laugh is pleasant and something you haven’t noticed before.

if only i could hear it every day. gently, you hit your cheeks to awaken yourself from your thoughts.

pongo is now frolicking in circles with the captured hat, vying for the attention of ayaka's dog. while you’re battling a two-way argument in your head and one with your dalmatian, you feel a soft nudge on your thigh. perdita has given you the ball back, and you could hear pongo whimpering sadly. impressed, you pet perdita who reacts with a delightful pant. the female dalmatian glances at pongo and apathetically walks back to her owner, who attaches a leash. they start to walk away.

pongo yaps in surprise. quickly, he abandons your hat and is about to take off when you tell him to stay, which he does obediently. you could tell your dog is planning to go after perdita, but you don’t want him running around aimlessly so you fasten his leash.

as soon as you do though, you’re being hauled once again towards kamisato ayaka. the hyperactive dalmatian follows the blue-haired woman and playfully circles her, earning a giggle from the subject of interest. unfortunately for the both of you, your legs have gotten tied to hers.

“oh my, i'm very sorry about this!” you blush. of course, you’ve never been in such close quarters with her before making it all the more embarrassing but you don’t entirely regret this moment either… until you realise that with the both of you frantically trying to get out of the awkward position and your dog pulling at the leash, the result would be all three of you tethering on the edge of the lake and perdita helplessly grabbing onto her owner to prevent the fall.

“oh no.” a splash is heard throughout the park.

clothes damp, you sit in the shallow water in cold shock, finding yourself no longer tangled around the dog leash. next to you, ayaka stands up to try searching for her hat and fan which pongo finds and gives to you with an almost apologetic expression.

“it seems i've lost my belongings,” she says worriedly.

“don’t worry, i have the things you're looking for right here.” you hand her her possessions and fix her hair but to no avail.

“ah, thank you.” you brush her wet bangs to the side so she could see.

“i'm truly very sorry! i don’t know how we ended up in the lake of all things.” you apologise profusely to the bewildered lady and attempt to make things better by removing the plants from her clothes. meanwhile, pongo has shaken himself dry and is relaxing next to perdita.

gosh, what kind of situation have i gotten myself into?

“no, it’s alright, i'll just dry myself off for now.” you see ayaka fetching a… soaked handkerchief from her purse.

“hold on, i usually carry one in my pocket.” however, yours too, is also drenched. “oh—"

ayaka begins to giggle. dumbfounded, you laugh with her. both of your dogs glance at each other and back at the pair of you, cocking their heads. you thought the pleasant sound and amicable smile were the only things about her laughter that could make your heart swell but now, with ayaka right in front of you, you notice things you would’ve never been able to before. you witness how her eyes crinkle and close shut and how her cheeks balloon revealing an even more charming side to her. you wonder what it would be like if you could make her this happy all the time.

after helping ayaka out of the pond, you feel it wouldn’t be right to leave her to go home all doused in water.

“would it be possible to invite you to our house? we live close by so it would be no trouble at all if you want to dry off there. it would probably be very uncomfortable to journey home in this state and i can't bear to watch you attempt to.” shyly, you meet her eyes after your impromptu offer to see ayaka grinning.

“i think i'd like to accept that offer. i suppose it is your fault too!” she quips and jokingly nudges your shoulder.

you smile back and turn to face your dalmatian who you will whisper many thank yous to later in life.

[bookishofalder]

Night Changes [Nine]

Summary: Will Poe and the reader be reunited?

Warnings: Angst, character deaths, language, smut. TW-pregnancy, birth, infant, breastfeeding. WC—+10k

A/N-At the end.

“Rey,” At the sound of her name, Rey paused and glanced around to see Leia standing next to the Falcon, waiting. Meeting her kind eyes, she hoped Leia wasn’t going to try and convince her not to go again; she’d already told the wise General that she had to find the Wayfinder, that she needed to complete Luke’s mission and get to Exegol. Finn, Poe, Chewbacca and C3PO were already on board, waiting for her to join them; it was time to leave.

“Leia?” She stepped toward her mentor, who looked around cautiously before lowering her voice to speak to Rey.

“I need to give you something.”

Rey frowned, confused, glancing down to Leia’s empty, “What do you mean?”

Leia sighed, her eyes tired. Rey understood—she felt exhausted too. “I can’t explain it. And you must keep it to yourself until the moment is right—trust me, you’ll know when that is—if you do end up needing to,” Leia took hold of Rey’s hands, squeezing, “I’ll show you, but you must keep it tucked away no matter what.”

Seeing the seriousness in Leia’’s eyes, Rey swallowed and nodded, “Of course. I promise.” She returned the pressure to the General’s hands and watched as she reached up and pressed her fingers gently to Rey’s temple.

In a brief flash, Rey saw enough to understand.

As he was pushed roughly through the doors to an open hangar with Finn and Chewie, Poe couldn’t help but reflect on his life over the past year and a half. He’d had a lot of close calls, even been captured, but this was the first time he felt like he was going to die, as General Hux and a couple of Storm Troopers stood behind them, ready to execute Poe and his friends. He hoped Rey was able to escape, at least.

And Leia could get the news of his death to you. She would make sure you were taken care of for the rest of your life. He had no regrets, no, not with you on some planet far away from all of this and free to raise the baby. He’d done everything he could, fought as hard as possible, but that didn’t mean he was guaranteed to live.

Poe tried to picture what the baby might look like, whether they got your smile, his hair. Pain shot through his broken heart that his child would grow with only pictures of him, no memories. He glanced up at Finn, eager to distract himself; he could hear Hux speaking to the Troopers and ignored them.

“What were you going to tell Rey before?”

Finn hesitated, appearing uncomfortable, “You still on that?”

“Oh,” Poe frowned at him incredulously, “Is this a bad time?” He just wanted to hear Finn admit aloud he had feelings for Rey. He could sense it between them, especially recently, and thought that they made a good pair. In another life he could see himself with them, you at his side, enjoying a late-night dinner, laughing around a table while the kids pretended to be asleep in their bedrooms.

Nodding, Finn gave Poe a wary look, “It sort of is?” Poe scoffed, shaking his head.

“So I tell you my deepest secrets but right before we’re about to die you’re locking down on yours?” Poe hadn’t just told Finn about you; after he’d confessed your existence, he hadn’t been able to stop sharing with his friend, who listened attentively as Poe described his life with you, how he’d love you since he was ten years old.

Finn blanched, and after a pause opened his mouth to respond, only shots went off behind them and they flinched. Poe expected to feel pain, or perhaps nothing if the shot was well placed, only they heard thuds behind them and instead glanced around to find Hux holding a blaster, eyes on the dead Troopers momentarily before he looked up at them.

“I’m the spy.” He claimed, a dark smirk on his twisted face, and Poe felt a rush of confused relief—he and Finn exchanged looks as Chewie groaned.

“What?” He exclaimed at the same moment Finn yelled, “You?” In disbelief.

Hux ignored them, “We don’t have much time, we have to go.” He gestured for them to follow and after a brief pause, they hastened to climb to their feet.

Poe hurried forward and grabbed a few of the fallen Troopers blasters, passing them to Finn and Chewie before taking one for himself. His blood was rushing, the feeling of being alive still—of getting lucky, again—made him feel powerful like you were out there somewhere sending him the strength and good fortune that he needed at every turn.

As they ran behind Hux, Finn touched Poe’s arm. “That was too close—made me realize, do you have a way of her knowing if something happens to you?”

Poe nodded, “Leia will tell her.”

But he sincerely hoped that would never happen, that you wouldn’t be standing in the doorway of some home he’d never know and hear the words that he had died, that he was never coming for you. The idea of you being in that kind of pain was something he couldn’t fully fathom, and it only renewed his determination to get to the Wayfinder and finish this fight once and for all.

11 Months Ago

“Doesn’t matter how many galaxies separate us, I will always be with you, and you with me. I promise.”

Memories of your life with Poe had a way of burrowing into the forefront of your mind when you least expect them; when you let your guard down. The emotional goodbye all those years before, back on Yavin-4 when you were just kids—Poe leaving with Charlie to join the Resistance...it was a lifetime ago. And as much as you believed his words both then and now, it didn’t make the pain any easier to endure as you lay here without him, the Healer and Kes having left you alone with the newborn baby cradled in your arms.

You were surprised when the Healer had passed you the baby—after almost nine hours of labour—to see the tuft of dark curls on their head; Kes had remarked that Poe had come into the world with as much hair, and you’d laughed through your mixed tears of sorrow and joy and love. So they took after their dad—what a beautiful, heartbreaking thought.

Stars, you hoped Poe would meet them before long--before they grew too much. Just seeing the tiny creature, skin-to-skin with you like the Healer recommended, both made your heart feel complete while simultaneously tearing it apart. He should have been here to hold your hand, to cut the cord and press soft kisses to both of your heads and cry tears of joy from it all.

It wasn’t fair. Up until this moment you’d been able to lock back to anger and the bitter feelings over having let Poe send you away because it had been the right choice no matter what way you looked at it. But now, as you lay exhausted and bursting with love for the baby you made with your soulmate, you let some of that anger free through wretched sobs because it wasn’t fair that he had to miss this, that for all you knew he could be...

You stopped yourself from thinking of the worst-case scenario. It wasn’t helpful to imagine what he was doing now, where he was, if he was okay. And you’d promised him you would keep him alive in your mind unless you knew for certain that he wasn’t.

A small whine met your ears and you glanced down at the baby, smiling at their pinched expression as they struggled to adapt to their new surroundings. “It’s okay, little bug. Mama is here, shhh...” You cooed softly, running a lone finger over their hair in a gentle motion. You watched their eyes flutter beneath the lids, enjoying the feel of your touch, and then froze when they opened their eyes for the first time to look up at you blearily.

Stars, they had Poe’s eyes.

Now - 35 ABY - Battle of Exegol

When Temmin died, Poe truly began to lose all hope.

Before watching another friend’s x-wing get shot down, he’d managed to scrape the bottom of the barrel for that hope, for any remaining belief that they could win this fucking fight. That everything he’d ever sacrificed was worth it because now they had arrived and it was time to put an end to it all—but then he was screaming for Snap to watch his six, heard the anguished cry through the comm when he was hit, the searing memory of losing Charlie so many years before in the same way making his stomach churn, and he just felt so...

So fucking hopeless.

Leia was gone. The Resistance was down to pathetic numbers, and he had finally lost all hope.

Shit, if he was being honest with himself he’d been running through these last few days with urgency and adrenaline that prevented him from overthinking the odds, a blissful denial that anything other than winning could occur. When he’d told the remaining fighters of the Resistance that this was their final stand, that help would come, he had meant it as much as he’d hoped it was true.

“Help will come if they know there is hope,” Poe had stared around at his friends, at their doubting expressions, “They will. We have friends out there. The First Order wins by making us think we’re alone. We’re not alone—good people will fight if we lead them.”

In all of the time that had passed between when he’d said goodbye to you to this moment, he’d never once regretted sending you far away from the fight. Even here, with Rebel, after Rebel dying and a fleet of Destroyer’s that would wipe out entire planets unless they bent to the will of the First Order, he felt a sense of peace knowing that you were safely tucked away well beyond the reaches of their tyranny. His child would grow up with a mother who could share stories of Poe’s life, his love for you, for them.

It still stung, though, knowing he would never see you again. That he would die fighting and his last thoughts would be of you, of his little family, and you would have no idea. He hoped when you did find out the Resistance was done, the fight was lost, that you didn’t take it too hard—didn’t blame yourself in any way. He wanted you to be mad at him, not at yourself, not after everything you’d done for him, everything you had sacrificed.

He almost could have laughed, bleak as the outlook now was it shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did that no aid had arrived, that Lando and Chewie flew to the inner core worlds for nothing—clearly, no one was coming. Just like the Battle of Crait, they were alone; only now Leia was gone and Poe was the General, he was the one everyone was screaming for orders from through the comms, he was the one that had to say it aloud.

“My friends,” His voice was scratchy, choked up, as his mind played flashes of his life—of you, of losing Charlie, marrying you, losing Leia. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry—”

He would die taking down as many enemies as he could. He would tell the rest of them to either do the same or flee—he wouldn’t blame them if they fled. Poe could almost imagine himself doing it, but the idea of finding you somewhere out there and saying he’d left at the final hour made bile heave in his stomach. He would never abandon the fight, not when you had wanted to stay as much as you had, but left for the baby.

As he struggled to pull in a breath to speak, he recalled the last time he saw you.

It was late, the base quiet and most of the Rebels sleeping, all except for Poe and you—it was time to say goodbye, under the cover of darkness. He wasn’t allowed to follow you into the hangar because he couldn’t know even the most minute details of how you got off-planet. Still, he would walk you as far as he could, and savour every final second together.

“I changed my mind, I’m not leaving you.” You whispered, halting in the hallway and turning to face Poe. One hand ran absentmindedly over your swollen stomach, the other reached up to grip his forearm. Your lower lip trembled, and he felt every word you wanted to say to convince him you should stay.

Poe took a shuddering breath, “Sweet girl, you aren’t leaving me—stop thinking about it like that. You’re saving our baby, keeping them safe, remember?” He tried to keep the desperate plea minimal in his voice because it had been like this for the last few days. One moment you were reluctantly prepared to leave, the next you were begging to stay. He didn’t know how much more of this torture he could stand before he broke down and let you stay.

Your pretty eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, just like his. You’d each cried more than enough to last a lifetime, and although heat pricked the corners of his eyes now he knew no more tears could come until you were out of sight. He would cry in his bed alone tonight, and probably every night until he saw you again, but right now he needed to show strength.

You stepped into his arms and Poe hugged you close, your body angling your stomach so that it wasn’t pressed between you both. “I don’t...Poe, I don’t think I’m strong enough to do this.”

Poe stared at you in disbelief, “Not strong enough? Are you kidding me?” He brought his hands to cup your cheeks gently, “You are the strongest person I know. What you are about to do for us, for our baby, is the most incredible sacrifice anyone could make. Everything you are doing and have done in your life only proves how amazing and strong you are—no matter what happens, please never forget that, okay?”

You whimpered sadly, nodding your head, and Poe shakily pressed his lips to yours, capturing you for one last kiss. It was soft and for one brief moment, he let himself imagine it was a greeting, though in truth it only made his heart fracture further rather than make him feel any better.

“Whatever happens, Poe, we’ll be okay...so don’t worry about us, focus on yourself,” You reached up and pushed your hands into his curls, savouring them one final time. “Promise me you’ll never stop fighting, flyboy.”

Poe smiled sadly down at you, his eyes drinking in every detail of your beautiful face, “Never, sweetheart, I promise I’ll never stop fighting. And this isn’t goodbye,” He pressed one hand gently against your belly, “It’s just a...see you soon. Once I’m finished blowing shit up in my x-wing.”

You laughed, tears streaming down your face and then pulled Poe against you again, his hand stuck between your bodies as you crushed him in a strong embrace. “I love you, Poe.”

“Oh, sweet girl, I love you too.”

35 ABY - Sorgan

You missed flying, though the place Leia had sent Kes and you to barely had any air traffic, the planet much too out of the way. Still, it had a sky that night or day you’d find yourself gazing into, wishing you could feel that weightlessness that came with blasting off from base, that you would look to your left and see Poe in his ship, the stars stretching beyond.

Poe. Stars, you missed him more and more every day. You had trouble believing it had been over a year, that the baby was now eleven months old and starting to try and walk and they’d never met their father. Though each time this knowledge became too heavy, you reminded yourself of the peaceful life you were living on Sorgan and how that had been the whole point of you leaving the fight—for the baby, for safety.

Sorgan was so far removed that no news reached the planet from the middle and core rims, something you’re sure Leia knew when she decided to send you here. You sometimes felt suffocated, not knowing a single thing about what was happening out there, but then you knew if you did know, it might make it harder to stay. And you couldn’t leave, you knew that for certain the moment you’d laid eyes on your newborn when the Healer had set the baby in your arms, face pinched as shrieks filled the air until they’d calmed, skin to skin with you.

You had gazed at the beautiful baby and you knew that you could never bear to part from them, no matter what you did or didn’t know about the war. Nonetheless, it was perhaps infinitesimally easier to be ignorant and allow yourself to imagine that it was all going fine.

You were living in a small but cozy yurt on the edge of a fishing village. The simple space comprised of the main room that hosted the barebones kitchen with a big table to eat at and a couple of comfortable sitting chairs, and had two rooms, one on either side, for sleeping quarters. The baby was in a crib at the end of your bed, where you were laying now. Very much awake even as they slept soundly.

Or so you thought until you were jerking from your thoughts at their sudden cries. You waited for a minute, the soft cries more whimpers than anything, and hoped the baby would soothe themselves back to sleep. They hiccuped, however, and started to cry again from the jolt. You sighed before sliding out from under the covers and padding softly to their crib.

“Your eyes aren’t even open,” You accused, grinning at the baby with the scrunched face, all the drama of their dad and only eleven months. Carefully lifting them, you tucked the baby against your chest and began to stroll slow circles around the bedroom, swaying as you went. “You know, when your dad finally comes and meets you he’s taking night duty over. I don’t care how many wars he wins.”

The little coo you got in response was enough to tell you Bug was on your side.

Though every day apart from Poe was painful, you did savour the good moments with the little piece of your heart that remained, beating for the baby you held now. And on this peaceful, sleepy planet most days had plenty of good—even if you were sad. Kes was an incredibly positive man, and like his son knew how to read you well, often stepping in to whisk the baby away whenever he sensed your sorrow was too hard to contain. You tried to spend all of the energy you had smiling for Bug because that was the only thing you could really do.

The guilt was heavy. You knew Poe would be devastated if he knew just how much you carried, living so comfortably—if a little rustic—on Sorgan all while he spent every day fighting to stay alive. But it was easier to focus on that guilt, to hate yourself than it was to be afraid of losing him—never seeing him again. Stars, the guilt was practically a salve in comparison to that.

Some days though, it was harder to keep the frame of mind that staying was the only option. As the baby grew, the guilt began to feed a steady flow of ‘what if’s’ into your mind. It was getting harder to ignore the sense of it. When Bug started to mix food into their diet, weaning partially from your breastmilk, you told yourself you could wean them completely, earlier than you planned but then you could hire a ship to take you back to D’Qar...

Only, you didn’t even know if D’Qar was still safe anymore.

It was a circular battle you couldn’t win no matter the choice you made, though you always chose the baby, chose to stay because you promised Poe you would. He’d told you that you were making the greatest sacrifice, and he had been right—he knew he could distract himself with the fight, and that you would only be able to distract yourself so much with raising the baby. He understood you would spend every day apart wishing you could rejoin him.

A soft snore pulled you from your thoughts and you glanced down at the baby to find them fast asleep again. You smiled fondly, that little chunk of your heart giving a happy beat as you settled them back into their crib and ran your fingers gently over their soft cheek.

“Goodnight, Charlie, my sweet girl.” You whispered heart clenching at the sight of her chubby cheeks relaxed in sleep.

Deciding a cool drink was needed, you slipped from the quiet of your room and into the main extension of the yurt you shared with Kes. A single lamp lit the small space dimly, and you helped yourself to a glass of water and took a seat at the table. You weren’t sure how long you were sitting there before Kes appeared and sat down across from you with a knowing smile on his face.

He sat silently for a few minutes as you sipped at your drink, speaking only once you’d finished. “Can’t sleep again?”

You sighed, running your hands through your hair, exhaustion setting deep in your bones.

“I keep having the same dream, Kes. Poe and Bug, back home on Yavin-4. Only, the beach is in colour but they aren’t.” You choked up, glancing toward your room, where you could see the crib through the doorway.

Kes followed your gaze, “Bug will meet him someday. I know it. You need to believe that too, kiddo, and you really need to get some sleep.” He patted your hand gently before standing and you watched him make his way to his room, pulling the curtain across his doorway as he did.

Taking a deep breath, you pressed your palms into your closed eyes, willing your mind to settle so that you could go to bed and get some rest. You just don’t think you could stand to have the dream again—always waking up and wondering, would you ever really get to see Poe again? Would he ever get to meet his little girl?

When you climbed back beneath the cool sheets of your bed, you fell into light sleep, your dreams the same as ever—Poe playing with Charlie on the beach back home on Yavin-4 while you sat on a blanket on the sand watching, laughing as they splashed each other. Your family, together again.

35 ABY - Battle of Exegol

As wretched as it was to think of never seeing you again, this wasn’t the first time he thought he was going to die. At least here, in his x-wing, he could take out as many enemies as he could before going out in a blaze—just like...like Charlie.

“I thought we had a shot. There’s too many of them.” He finished speaking to the remaining fighters in resignation, his eyes heavy—he was tired, so tired. Enough so that when a new, familiar voice came clear over the comms, he sat up straighter before his mind even registered what they were saying.

“Oh, but there’s more of us, Poe. There’s more of us.”

Poe spun his ship around, his heart frozen in his chest, flew up over the wreckage of the one First Order ship they’d so far managed to take out—and there it was.

Lando and Chewie were back; he could see the Falcon, and behind them were thousands and thousands of ships. And still, more coming as he looked, pulling out of light speed to fall in with the Falcon. Poe could hardly believe his eyes, but right before him, he couldn’t doubt for a moment that his friends had come back and they...

They had brought hope.

You sat with your toes in the water, the sun shining on your back warm and comforting. Charlie splashed around happily, her water suit covering her arms and legs, joining her cute straw hat in protecting her from too much sunlight. She kept looking from the water around her chubby legs to the flowing stream behind her-as if dissatisfied with the ankle-deep water you had set her in.

“You can go in the river in a few years,” You cocked a brow at her as she gave you a pouty look. “You’re very cute, but mama says no.”

With a resigned sigh that seemed far too mature for her, she went back to splashing the water and you slid your toes towards her, wriggling them so that she tried to catch hold. When she managed to grab your big toe, you laughed and she giggled brightly, her gleeful peals filling the quiet around you.

It was a beautiful day on Sorgan. They all were, really, even the rainy days, the ones that kept you inside the yurt listening to the rain while Kes tried to teach Charlie how to crawl and you laughed as you watched them. But the sunny days were the best, the ones you could fill with endless activity to distract yourself as much as to tire out the baby. Because when your mind settled, it tended to stray off into dark thoughts.

Maybe Poe was gone.

Maybe he would never come to find you here, your little family would be memories of Poe as you raised his little girl with Kes instead. The weight of that responsibility, of ensuring she had a happy life all while missing a whole section of your heart for the rest of your own was heavy so you tried not to overthink it.

You channelled that energy into Charlie, focused on her and you think you were doing a good job of keeping her safe and content. You showed Charlie pictures of Poe every day, wanting to ensure she knew his face even if she would never get to see it in person. She’d been looking at him since she was just a little bean, and you repeated his name, ‘dada’, every time as well. She wasn’t speaking yet, but it couldn’t hurt to keep the association in her mind when she was ready to start talking.

Charlie stopped splashing and glanced up at you with wide eyes, her expression familiar. “Hungry, Bug?” You reached out for her and lifted her from the water, carefully standing and wading to the grassy spot you’d set your picnic up.

You dried her off first, then let her crawl on the blanket while you dry your feet before following her to sit. She beelined for you as you untied your tunic, lowering one side and easing your breast out, grateful your nanny droid had provided you with a soothing balm for your aching nipples. Breastfeeding was your favourite way to bond with her, but Stars, it came at a cost.

You settled Charlie against you and watched as she closed her eyes, suckling softly. You adjusted the tunic to protect her from the sun and fell into a quiet state as she fed. It was sometime later that the sound of a large ship captured your attention, breaking you from your meditation.

Charlie was asleep against you, her face still pressed to your breast, and didn’t stir as the ship, far in the distance, flew past. You wondered briefly, a jolt of electricity coursing through you wondering if it was Poe come to find you both. But when the ship flew only further away, you pushed the idea from your mind. It was probably a shipment from the core worlds going to the markets. You made a mental note to plan a trip there for the next day—if there were fresh supplies, you might find a treat or two. Get something nice for Kes, perhaps.

Feeling exhaustion hit, you napped with Charlie there on the river's edge. You had nothing to fear on Sorgan, and in fact, many of the neighbours in your village were around, not too close but enough so that if needed they could come and wake you. You kept Charlie protected from the sun but let it shine on you, the brightness no match for the gentle lull of sleep, the soft trickle of the river.

When you woke an hour later, you felt more rested than you had in some time, pausing as you sat up to stretch the kinks from your body. Charlie was wriggling and you knew she probably needed to be changed. “Time to go home?” You asked her with a grin, and she made a sour little face in response that made you laugh. You loved how expressive she was, how even though she wasn’t talking yet she managed to let you know how she felt.

With practiced movements, you packed up the little picnic, hoisted your bag over one shoulder before lifting her to sit against your hip, and made the short walk home. Kes was sitting outside the yurt when you arrived, reading, though he set the book down at the sound of your footsteps and grinned widely when Charlie cooed for him.

“Did you have a nice time, ladies?”

You smiled, “She sure loves the water, I should start taking her in the river, see how she likes floating,” Kes took her from you carefully—Charlie made a face and you both laughed, “Sorry, Kes, I think she needs to be changed.”

“No worries, you relax for a bit and I’ll deal with diaper duty.”

Nodding gratefully, you set your bag down on the chair Kes had vacated and turned to gaze out at the grassy lawn. It was a simple home, certainly not where you would have planned to raise a baby, but it was peaceful. You start to think about the next steps, how long you would stay on Sorgan before leaving. You would go ahead first, find out if it was safe, and then you wanted to return to Yavin-4. Not for a few years, although you’d like to leave before Charlie got too old and she was too attached to this place.

You stepped away from the front of the yurt to stare out over the fields. First towards the villagers as they came in from working for the day in the waters, ready to put their feet up before making dinner, and then you turned toward the river and watched the water for a while, your arms crossed, listening distantly to Charlie and Kes making each other laugh inside.

When a voice broke through your thoughts a short while later, you started in surprise before spinning, recognition of the honey-warm tone slamming into you.

“You dreaming about me, sweet girl?”

“Rey, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you—“

Rey cut Poe off, gripping his arm with a soft smile, “It was Leia, Poe. She found me before we left Ajan Kloss, she put the coordinates in my head, just in case she didn’t make it.”

Poe hugged her quickly, “Still, without you, I don’t know how long it would have taken me to find her here.” He hurried to the ramp, hitting the button to lower it with excitement mounting within him by the second.

“What do you want us to do?” Finn was standing next to Poe as he waited for the ramp to lower onto the grass.

Poe glanced up at his friend, “I have to go alone, can you wait for me here? I’ll come for you—or send for you—if I find them.” He adjusted his jacket as he spoke, nerves slicing his stomach to pieces. He hadn’t felt this close to you in almost a year and a half.

Finn nodded, a small smile on his lips, “We’ll wait. She has to be here, Poe, you’ll find her.” He clapped Poe on the shoulder encouragingly and he swallowed, unable to form a response so he just returned a half-smile and then clambered down the ramp.

Sorgan was a quiet, sleepy planet full of green. If you were here, the idea that you spent all this time in such a place was comforting to Poe—you would have been able to enjoy the land, be outside, not cooped up somewhere.

He was in a small village, and the market that lined the street was bustling with after-work crowds that were in the tens, the people all smiling at one another in a way that revealed how kind of a place it was. He wandered for a few minutes until he spotted a stand that carried medical supplies and approached the vendor, a friendly-looking older woman who grinned at him.

“Hello, stranger. How can I help you?”

Poe held up the photo he had of you, one he’d taken not long after finding out you were pregnant, your hand on your small belly and a big smile on your face. “Have you seen this woman, ma’am?”

“That’s Mrs. Carstairs,” She responded with a small nod. Poe felt his insides inflate, his excitement now ready to burst forth in a shout of glee that he had to bite back. He took a steadying breath, realizing that you had used your mother’s maiden name as your cover.

He grinned, “Yes, (y/n)—“

The woman cut him off, her eyes widening, “Oh now, you must be the husband. Now that I look at you, the baby has your eyes.”

Poe’s stomach turned over at this information. The baby had his eyes? “That’s me, do you know where I can find her, please?” He made to pull out some credits to pass over to the woman for her trouble, only she reached over to take his hand gently and shook her head, smiling.

“No need for that, dear,” She jerked her head in the direction of a nearby road that split off from the village, “Just follow that, about twenty minutes you’ll come across a fishing village. She lives right off that road on the outskirts of the village.”

Saying his thanks quickly, Poe ran faster than he had in his life in the direction she had indicated.

When he finally saw the little yurt along the main road, he breathed a sigh of relief. The sun was lowering in the sky and casting a golden glow over the ponds, fields and the nearby river. It was beautiful, and as he passed the fishing village he smiled at the villagers, who gave him curious looks before returning friendly smiles. He slowed to catch his breath, his eyes moving back to the yurt, now much closer. And then his gaze snapped to a figure standing not far from the door, gazing out in the direction of the river.

It was you.

His heart about ripped out of his chest at the sight of you alive and well. The closer he got he could see how you’d barely changed—your skin had seen more sunlight, your hair was longer, and he could see the soft curves of your figure that motherhood had brought on. He watched you for a moment, standing a few feet back, and he could hear his dad inside the yurt making a baby laugh.

Making his baby laugh.

“You dreaming about me, sweet girl?”

You spun around so fast you were a blur, though Poe didn’t miss the way your hand twitched toward the blaster at your hip before your eyes landed on him. Seeing this only made him grin more broadly, but nerves for the reunion kept him rooted to the spot. What if you were angry with him? The thought hadn’t occurred to him before this, but perhaps you-

“POE!” You cried out, and then you were running forward and jumping into his arms and it was everything he’d dreamed of and more. He caught you and held you close as you both fell to your knees in the grass, and Poe let himself get lost in the moment, sobs pulling from deep within.

He hugged you as tight as he could and then started to pepper your face with kisses, “Oh my sweet girl, I missed you. Stars above, I missed you,” He murmured, his eyes closing as your fingers sunk into his curls and tugged him, your lips crashing to his in a desperate kiss that felt exactly like coming home.

“I was so afraid you wouldn’t be able to find us,” You whimpered after pulling back, your body still pressed against his, “I can’t believe you’re finally here...”

Poe shook his head, “Leia had a backup plan all along. Stars, you are so beautiful,” He swept his fingers over your cheeks, getting a good look at you now and seeing how well cared for you looked; Sorgan had been good to you. “I’m here now. It’s over, we’re safe now.”

You released your hold on his head to run your hands over your face, wiping at your tears, “Poe, the baby’s just inside, I—”

Poe and you both turned your heads at the same time at the sound of Kes coming out the door, his excited shout of glee making you both grin wider. He was holding the baby in his arms, and they looked around at the sound of your laugh, eyes just like Poe’s wide and curious—what a beautiful sight.

For a beat, the baby just stared at him, and then as Kes moved closer, a smile—a little smirk just like yours—appeared.

“Dada!”

Kes froze and glanced down at the baby in surprise, and Poe heard you gasp, one of your hands landing on his arm and squeezing excitedly. “That’s right Charlie, sweet girl, this is your Dada!”

Poe couldn’t stop staring at the baby, who hadn’t looked away from him either even as you spoke to her. She made grabby hands then, reaching for him and he tentatively raised his hands. His dad closed the gap between them and lowered the baby and he took hold of her cautiously, words caught in his throat and his heart beating fast.

She was a solid thing, sturdy in his arms and cooing happily as she gazed up in wonder at Poe. She was stunning, her eyes honey-brown and lined with thick, long lashes just like yours. Her skin was soft, and she was chunky, her baby rolls making him smile wider. After a minute, she spoke again, “Dada!” She raised her little fists towards his scruffy jaw before glancing at you.

Poe followed her gaze, “How does she know me?” He breathed, his heart in his throat.

Your watery smile only grew, “Showed her your picture every day. Wanted her to know her daddy, even if he...he couldn’t be with us,” You shuffled closer, one arm securing itself around Charlie and grasping Kes’ arm. “That was her first word, Poe. She said it just for you.”

Tears stinging at his eyes, Poe sat huddled with his family, clutching the baby closer with one arm, the other around your shoulders. His dad had thrown his arms around both you and Poe and was lamenting about how good it was to see him while Charlie cooed happily in his arms.

The moment was better than he’d ever dreamed.

Poe couldn’t put Charlie down. He carried her around for the rest of the evening, following you into the comfortable yurt you had called home all this time, one hand always on you, keeping you close.

Dad was making dinner and Poe enjoyed the banter you had, the routine of living together clearly having established itself long ago. He felt a jolt of gratitude for his dad dropping everything on Yavin-4 to take care of you and Charlie all this time.

He ate with one hand, relinquishing his hold on you but tugging you into his side before eating, his eyes constantly drinking in every expression on the baby’s face. He hadn’t realized how in love he would be so instantly, and certainly had not expected Charlie to adore him just as much—he’d thought the baby would be shy around him, maybe cry when he held them. But you had ensured she knew his face, his name—just another thing you did for him.

Poe was never going to be able to thank you enough for everything you had done.

“Poe?” Your soft voice broke into his thoughts and he looked around at you. You gave him a tentative sort of look, “Where is BB8?”

His shoulders relaxed automatically, “Oh he’s on the ship I came here in...with my friends,” He grinned and you copied him, your eyes curious, “I’ll go get them tomorrow and you can meet...I have so much to tell you, sweetheart.”

Your expression softened, “We have all the time in the world now.” You reached up and stroked his jaw, the motion so familiar his eyes automatically closed and emotion swelled in his chest. Before he could reply, he felt a second, much smaller hand land on his jaw and begin to copy the movement.

He smiled, looking through his lashes to see Charlie watching you intently as she imitated you, “Clever baby,” He murmured, and Charlie lit up at the sound of his voice. He turned his head and kissed her little hand affectionately.

“She gets her brains from me,” Kes piped up, tossing a wink at you before collecting everyone’s plates. He set them in the large stone sink before glancing at his watch. “You want to put her down for the night in my room?”

As you nodded, your eyes falling from Kes to Charlie, Poe felt a flush begin to creep up his neck at the idea of being alone with you again after so much time. He wanted to hold you close with nothing separating your bodies and curl into your healing warmth. Your hand reached for his, pulling him from his thoughts, and you tipped your head toward the baby in his arms, whose eyes were blinking slowly as exhaustion set in.

“Time for bed, little Bug,” You murmured, leading Poe towards your room. The curtain across the doorway sat open, fluttering slightly in the cool evening air, and the room was dark, illuminated only by the moonlight outside and some of the filtering light from the lamps in the main room of the yurt.

Poe carried Charlie to her crib, pressing his lips gently to her forehead, “Goodnight, Charlie, I love you.” He whispered, smiling to himself when she replied with a sleepy little coo. You took her from Poe then and took a moment to show him how to put the baby down for the night.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest as he watched you soothe Charlie, your fingers brushing delicately over her cheeks until her fluttering lashes settled and a small snore confirmed she was asleep. Poe hadn’t felt so much love in such a long time, he was half convinced he wouldn’t survive all of it thrumming through him now. And Stars, he was fucking proud of you, of how good of a mother you were; you’d done an amazing job raising Charlie so far, and he briefly worried about how he would ever be able to compare to you; if he could be as good of a parent as you were.

Once you had Charlie tucked in, you pushed the crib silently into Kes’ room, then wandered over to an armchair and picked up a blanket. When you turned to look up at Poe, his breath caught at the expression on your face. “Come with me, flyboy.”

Gulping, Poe followed you outside and across the grassy lawn in silence. You led him straight to a secluded spot along the riverbank, the flow of the water the only sound he could hear aside from his heartbeat. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but he suddenly felt nervous, alone with you for the first time in over a year—he’d faced down death countless times since, and yet it was this moment that was giving him pause.

He watched as you carefully spread the blanket out on the cool grass, then slipped off your shoes before stepping towards Poe with a soft smile. “Come here,” You whispered, and he closed the gap between you both eagerly. Kicking off his shoes before pulling you against him in a crushing hug, nuzzling his face into your neck, inhaling your familiar scent deeply.

He couldn’t have said who started to cry first, just that the moment he had you tight in his arms, you were both taking shuddering breaths. He let himself sob in a mixture of joy and sadness for everything, one hand cradling your head against his chest as you sniffled. “Sweet girl,” Poe drew back to look down at you after a few minutes, “Maker, I missed you. Every day was...shit, just complete shit without you.” He admitted, eyes closing automatically when you reached up to brush the tears from his face.

“I missed you too, but you’re here now, Poe. You’re here and you’re safe,” You whispered, leaning up on your tiptoes and pressing a gentle kiss to the end of his nose, “You’re safe, baby.”

He kissed you then; harsher than he’d intended, but you met him with equal intensity, your hands sliding into his hair to draw him closer, teeth clashing. The need then, to be with you, became overwhelming—he pushed your pants down frantically, then undid the tie of your wrap tunic and slid it off your shoulders, grunting when he realized you wore no chest band beneath.

You’d started undressing him, but when your hand passed over his length he brushed his fingers against your pebbled nipples in response and you hissed, body jerking away slightly. Poe’s eyes snapped open and he quickly pulled back from kissing you, “Sweetheart, did I hurt you?”

You tugged at his shirt, smiling softly, and he removed it before glancing down your body, his eyes drinking in every glorious curve, the fullness to your breasts. “Breastfeeding is hard on these,” You replied, gesturing toward your somewhat swollen nipples, “You didn’t hurt me, just need to be careful.”

Poe nodded his understanding, surveying your postpartum body with a new wild hunger he’d never before experienced. You were beautiful, always, but something about seeing your shape with its new fullness, your milk-filled breasts and soft stomach—it made him feral. With a groan, he quickly helped you to lay down on the blanket, careful to avoid your chest as he peppered kisses down your warm body, relishing in every square inch of you. “My beautiful love,” He spread your legs apart, his hand trailing down the slit of your wet heat, “Oh sweet girl, so wet for me. You’re a fucking dream.”

As much as he wanted to taste you, lick you until you couldn’t see, the need to be inside of you was too great to allow for any more time apart. Propping himself on one arm, Poe gripped your thigh, lifting it from the ground, and gently rocked his hips forward, groaning as you tightly gripped around his cock, your body needing his just as much.

“Oh fuck, Poe...”

“I know—I’ve got you,” Poe whispered, settling between your thighs, he dropped your leg and lowered his body fully over yours, careful to keep his weight on his arm. He captured your lips against his as he slowly dragged his cock back, then rutted forward, building a slow pace meant to draw out the feeling of bliss for as long as possible. “Missed you—dreamt of you every night, baby, every fucking night.”

You had one hand tangled in Poe’s curls, the other pressed into his lower back and your legs wrapped around his hips. You whimpered, “N-never leaving you again,” The words came out strained, thick with emotion even as you moaned at the feel of him moving within you, “It’s you a-and me, f-forever. Forever.” Your back arched slightly, and Poe groaned at the change in angle, your walls clamping around him harder.

“Fuck,” He felt himself getting close and quickly slid his free hand between his body and yours, slamming into you as he circled your clit tenderly. “Forever, sweet girl, I promise—cum for me, let me feel you—“

“Poe—“ You whined, your eyes fluttering as your pleasure spiked, and he felt your body go rigid beneath him as his hips stuttered—he came with you, spilling himself with a groan as you trembled and moaned, then pressing himself as deep as he could while you both came tumbling back to each other.

When Poe finally collapsed next to you, he slipped out of you carefully before tugging you into his side, pressing his lips to the crown of your head while you both caught your breath. “Still...still got it, flyboy.” You joked, giggling when Poe shifted to look down at you with a smirk.

“I was going to say the same to you.”

“Ah well, it’s busy work running around after a baby, you know. Keeps you fit.” You grinned, snuggling against Poe as the cool night air seemed to seep between you. He reached above his head, grabbing his shirt and tossing it over your upper body to protect you from getting too cold.

Once he was satisfied you were comfortable, he rolled so that he was looking down at you, your head resting on his forearm. “Sweet girl, you—I mean, Charlie is perfect. You kept her safe, raised her, taught her who I was...I can never thank you enough, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying.”

“Oh Poe,” You smiled, your eyes glistening as you gazed up at him with a fondness that he felt almost undeserving of, a hand cupping his cheek. “You came back to us, that’s all I could have ever asked for—you’re alive and you’re here.” You choked up, then, and Poe leaned down to press his forehead to yours, cupping your cheek softly with one hand.

You lay together for a short while; until the cold became too much. Curling up together in bed sounded almost too good to be true. “Come on, sweet girl, let’s get some sleep,” He gathered you in his arms, pausing as you grabbed at the clothing he wasn’t going to bother putting on, and carried you into the yurt, the blanket abandoned in the grass outside.

When Poe had his body pressed against yours under the comforter of the bed you’d slept in alone all this time, he kept his arms securely around you and felt peace wash over him, “Going to introduce you to some pretty special friends in the morning, and then we can plan our next steps, my love.”

With a happy little sigh, you tucked your head into his neck and fell asleep promptly, your light snores lulling him until, just at the precipice of sleep, he smiled to himself—he was home.

The first thing you noticed when you woke early the next morning was the bed next to you was empty. Your hands roamed for Poe and when you didn’t find him you sat up quickly, wondering if perhaps you had dreamt of the day prior, of him coming home...

Only, a little giggle from outside your room sounded and you heard Poe proudly declare, “Clever, just like your mama, Charlie girl.”

You hadn’t ever known happiness like this, truly. Your heart was full and repaired and you couldn’t believe how after so much time, so many years of mistakes and pain, you were married to your best friend and he was currently waiting for you to wake up while caring for your baby, the little girl who shared traits of the both of you. This felt like a dream, but it was so raw it couldn’t be anything other than real.

You sprang from bed, throwing on your robe and hurrying out to see Poe holding Charlie as he sat in the armchair, bouncing her on his knee as she giggled for him. When you paused to watch, a smile stretching over your face, he glanced up at you and his own broadened, eyes shining brightly with affection.

“Morning, mama,” His thick morning voice always sent heat through you, and the fact that he was sitting shirtless, his hard muscles flexing as he moved Charlie only doused further fuel on the fire within. He seemed to read that in your expression, his soft eyes darkening somewhat before he sent you a wink that said there’d be time for that again later.

Charlie had looked around to follow Poe’s gaze and she cooed loudly when she saw you, her hands raised towards you. You frowned, “Oh, now you want mama time? Could it be that you’re hungry?” Charlie made grabby hands as Poe laughed and you pulled her from his arms before settling into the chair next to him, easing your robe open enough for her to have access to your chest.

Settling her in for her meals was second nature to you; you knew the way she preferred to lay, how to hold her just right, that she liked to feed quietly in the mornings but at night you were allowed to rub her back and speak soothing words to her. As she began to suckle, you carefully adjusted your breast to make the angle more comfortable, then glanced up remembering that Poe was watching.

The expression on his face was stunning—he was watching you rapturously, as though the sight before him was the most beautiful he’d ever seen. You saw emotion mixed in with the awe and the adoration, and you knew he was feeling grateful he hadn’t missed something as pure as this entirely, that Charlie hadn’t grown too much.

You leaned your head back to rest and smiled at Poe warmly, “She’s on partial foods now, you can feed her yourself a little later, if you want.” You whispered, and his face brightened even more. You felt a bit like those first days after you’d joined him and your brother on D’Qar, the giddy joy of reuniting making the smiles stretch for days.

“I’d love that,” He shuffled his chair closer, resting one hand behind where you were holding Charlie, the other raising to brush over your cheek. “Does it...hurt?”

You shook your head and his look of concern relaxed, “Not really, she’s good about not biting,” Poe cringed at the thought and you giggled, “She’s a good baby. Now, you said you wanted us to meet your friends?”

He nodded, his expression softening sadly, “They’re the reason I was able to make it home to you...I have so much to tell you, but I want you to meet them first.” Poe’s eyes dropped down to watch Charlie again and you let him have a moment, recognizing he had suffered a great deal over the year and a half apart.

You let your eyes wander over his bare torso and noticed now, in the morning light, that he had some new scars, some angrier than the others. The idea of him having been hurt made your stomach sink, and you couldn’t help but lean toward him, capturing his lips against yours when he glanced up. He moaned softly at the tender kiss, petting your hair, and you let yourself sink into the moment, pulling back only when Charlie stirred.

“Where did you leave them?”

Poe gestured toward the main village, “Just outside the village, on our ship. I could go and get them—“

You shook your head, “I think a walk will do us all good. Let’s get dressed, eh Charlie?” You made a face at the baby, who was sleepily peering up at you, happy with her tummy now full, and she smiled at your expression.

Poe insisted on changing Charlie’s diaper and dressing her, so you merely stood by and watched, handing him her daytime outfit and trying not to laugh too hard as he struggled. You could see the joy in his eyes as he attempted to get her arms through the sleeves, his big hands so incredibly gentle as he worked. It took about twice as long as normal, but eventually, Charlie was ready to go and you took her from Poe, strapping her to your chest with a sarong, watching him as he dressed.

You wanted to ask about the new scars. But you were afraid when you did, it would open up the vault he was currently guarding and all of the terrible stories would come tumbling out. Enjoying this peaceful reunion for a little longer wouldn’t hurt anyone, so you resisted the urge and instead popped your head into Kes’s room to let him know where you were going.

“It was hard, not knowing anything,” You admitted quietly as you walked along with Poe, Charlie gazing around happily. The arm draped over your shoulders tightened somewhat at your words. “Leia sure picked a good place for us, though. It’s been quiet, safe.”

You glanced at him, the tension in his jaw confirming something you’d suspected since he’d arrived-after he’d mentioned it was thanks to one of his new friends that he’d been able to find you. Leia was gone, but he didn’t know how to tell you—just as much as you were avoiding asking him for details, he was reluctant to give them.

“Yeah, she knew what she was doing,” He replied softly before his eyes lit up. You followed his gaze and saw a large ship, its ramp lowered, come into view just as a familiar orange and white blur was speeding in your direction.

“Buddy!” You yelled, hurrying forward and dropping to one knee to greet BB8, one arm securing Charlie closer to ensure she didn’t get too jostled from your movements. The droid beeped and whirred excitedly and the baby began to giggle, craning her head to look at BB8. “Charlie, this is BB8, wave hi—“ You laughed as Charlie roughly flopped her chubby arm in the direction of the droid.

You could feel Poe’s hand resting lightly on the crown of your hand, and you looked up at him to speak but before you could, another voice chimed in. “Poe, man, you found them!” A handsome man with enviably smooth skin and a friendly grin was walking towards you with a pretty woman who had sad eyes next to him.

Poe helped you to stand back up, his arm securing around you as he led you forward to meet his friends. “Finn—Rey, meet my better half, (y/n), and my kid, Charlie.”

You saw the pair shoot wide-eyed looks at Poe when he said Charlie’s name, and you realized he must have told them about you, about your brother. The thought warmed your heart even further. You reached out and grasped each of their hands in turn, grinning, “It is really lovely to meet you, thank you for getting Poe back to me and Charlie safely.”

Finn smiled warmly, “Hey, he saved our asses as much as we saved his,” Poe shoved his arm playfully, laughing. Rey was quiet, you noticed, gazing at the baby thoughtfully. You wondered who she had lost.

“Do you want to hold her?” You asked, and Rey met your eyes in surprise, though after a brief pause she smiled nervously and nodded. Her smile lit up her whole face, and you were glad you thought to offer the baby as a way to pull it from her—babies had a way of making the sad a little less daunting.

You lifted Charlie out of the sarong, “Say hi to Auntie Rey, Charlie!” Charlie began to babble incoherently in that cheerful baby talk as she settled against Rey’s hip. She watched her, smiling to herself, before glancing between you and Poe.

“She’s beautiful,” Rey’s hand caught one of Charlie’s, squeezing gently, “Takes after her mama, clearly.” She tacked on, throwing Poe a look that made you laugh out loud.

Finn, you noticed, was watching Rey hold the baby with a quiet expression of adoration that made you smile inwardly. He caught you staring and grinned cheekily. As he began to chide Poe teasingly, a sudden memory came to mind, of the last time you had spoken to your father.

“Just remember, family always comes first—but we can make our own family, sweetie,” Dad squeezed your hand, “Family is what we make it, big or small, blood-related or not. So you make sure to surround yourself with good people, people you love and trust, and you’ll always have a family.”

And as you stood there, gazing at your new friends, the people who had ensured your Poe had come back to you, you realized that you were only adding to your family today. You felt like the luckiest woman in the entire galaxy, your heart was bursting with joy and hope for everything still to come.

Poe pressed a kiss to your temple, and you shot him a smile, knowing he felt it too.

Here, you thought, was where the next chapter of your life began. And you couldn’t be more excited.

A/N—THANK YOU for reading this story, for enjoying this journey with me and loving my characters so much. I’m hopeful you loved this final chapter and can’t wait to hear your thoughts. And of course, we still have the epilogue coming!🤍

Taglist

@mermaidxatxheart @foxilayde @eleinemk @paintballkid711 @mylifeisactuallyamess @20th-centu-fairy-girl @deitysnips @cannedsoupsucks @ubri812 @poedameronloverx @hoeforthefictional @astrological-bitch @itsnottilly @itsdameron @alex-sulli @generousrunawaydonut @wildmoonflower @onlyferorder66 @afootnoteinyourhappiness @asaucecoveredsomething @ladydmalfoy

[somuchbetterthanthat]

Post 200. CW for flesh(sortof), dark, lonely, beholding, web, desolation; lil implicit d/s, sort of; martin and jon being fucked up but trying to love each other all the same; 

Martin sits up with a gasp; his heart is racing, and he finds himself blinking frantically at the white, unfamiliar wall in front of him.

No.

Not unfamiliar.

“Martin?” mumbles a beloved, infuriating, sleepy voice behind him. 

A gentle hand creeps up under his shirt, fingers dancing on his lower back. Martin closes his eyes again, and tries to slow his breathing.

“I’m fine,” he mutters. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m fine, it’s all fine.”

“...Right,” says Jon quietly.

Martin’s heart is heavy, and he immediately feels guilty. But he doesn’t look back. It’s too early to look back. Jon’s hand has too many fingers again this morning.

*

Martin stares at the white, blank wall in front of him. He wishes he could look at the window instead, but the sun hasn’t risen this morning; the day is black as night, except there’s not even a moon, or stars, or any sort of light -- but the wall is there, pristine white even now, and it’s so empty.

“We should decorate,” he says, eventually.

“Mmh?” Jon’s face is hidden against his hip. He hates it when it’s all black, the same way he hates it when they’re losing touch of who they are, or what anything is. 

“We’re gonna be here forever, aren’t we?” Martin asks. It’s not the first time. He can’t help reminding himself, sometimes. “So we should decorate.”

Slowly, Jon raises his head; there’s an incredulous and fond smile on his lips that make Martin’s insides twist as ever. “I’m not sure it’ll stick,” he says. “You know how this house is.”

“Yeah, well.” Martin hesitates. Licks his lips. Squares his shoulders. “It’s ours now, isn’t it? We live here. So. If we’re playing by its rules, maybe it should let us like; put, put a frame or something, y’know?”

Jon’s eyes are crinkling. “I suppose,” he says. “We could try.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

Martin tries to think of what they could decorate the wall with; his mind came up blank. Never mind, he tells himself, glaring at the shadow monster that’s trying to grow alongside the corner of the bedroom. Never mind. There’ll forever be a tomorrow, anyway.

*

Martin is staring at the wall of the bedroom; the faces in the picture frames smile at him, mouth and eyes faded. They never truly existed, did they? Or if they did, they were nothing but a reassuring lie. Outside, the fog is so dense it covers everything. Martin itches to get up and open the window. 

A denser shadow than the rest closes the curtains abruptly; there’s anger and fear in the gesture, and when Martin slowly turns to study it, the shadow slowly turns into Jon. 

They stare at each other. Jon hesitates. Opens his mouth. Closes it again. 

His eyes are a bottomless pit of loneliness, a perfect reflection of Martin’s. It does not matter that this is their bedroom. They’re not together, they’ve never fitted together, they’ll never be together ever again. Jon always meant to chose the world before Martin. It’s how it is.

It’s how it’ll always be.

He blinks. The man he loves is a grey shadow that seems to disappear in the walls. Martin lays back in bed, and lets himself fade as well.

*

Jon is staring at the wall of their bedroom. No. Martin is staring at it No. The wall is staring at them both. 

“Can’t you make it stop?” Martin asks, exasperated. “I just want to sleep.”

“Tough,” Jon mutters distractedly, which is even more infuriating.

“Jon.”

“What?”

“Just! Do something!” 

“I think we both agreed, multiples times, that whenever I try to do something it’s bad,” Jon snaps.

“So what, you’re never going to make choices ever again?” Martin asks, exasperated. “What a brilliant plan.”

“I don’t have any choice to make,” Jon says, waving at the eyes peaking at them through every single corner of the room, of the myriads of faces pressed against the windows, eagerly waiting for them to fight again. “All I have to do is to wait and to keep them here. With me. If you don’t like them, Martin, there’s always the baseme--”

“Don’t you dare--”

“What? If you hate it all so much, I can’t do anything about it, but you can --”

“Shut up! Why do you always do this?”

“Why do you always ask me to find solutions if you don’t like the ones I came up with?”

Oh, how they’re drinking it all in, outside; how happy they are; how flushed Jon is, because it is his day, isn’t it, he looks more healthy than ever, and on those days Martin feels so sick --

“Do you want me to go there?” he asks. 

Jon stares, baffled; his anger deflating immediately. “Of course not.” 

Of course not. Martin wears it like a cape. Of course not. “Come here,” he says, and opens his arms. Jon leans to melt into the embrace easily. They hold each other too tight, and their eyes are burning. Is this the story they’re condemned to have? They think, together. Are they only ever going to be this, sadness and recriminations and frustration and --

Jon’s nails dig into his back. “I love you,” he murmurs. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Martin breathes. “I’m not leaving this house. It’s ours.”

*

There is a spider danging from the happy framed picture on the wall. Martin glares at it. 

“We’ll kill it,” Jon tells him. 

And so they will; they spoke it into existence. Martin decides it’s more important to focus on his husband that the small, helpless thing that’ll be crushed in a moment. Jon’s curls are full of cobwebs. Martin carefully starts to pick at them. Such fragile threads, that he easily captures and plays with --

He could push them under the bed, he supposes. Instead, he uses them to make the web necklace around Jon’s neck just a little bit more intricate. 

“Oh?” Jon hums. It’s careful, but not unhappy.

“I’m not going to choose forever,” Martin says quietly. “I don’t think I’m that good at it either, all things considered.”

“Better than me,” Jon breathes.

“But that’s the thing, isn’t it? You’ve barely ever got to decide anything at all. Not really.” 

“Martin --”

“You know it’s true. It’s just hard to accept, and that’s fair, I get it, okay? I can choose. Just for a little while. But not forever. I’m not doing it forever.”

There is so much tenderness and gratefulness in Jon’s eyes. Martin’s not sure he deserves such devotion, sometimes. But god, he wants to believe maybe he could grow to. Eventually.

“Okay,” Jon says. “Okay.”

“Lay back,” Martin orders gently. “I’m taking care of you now.”

*

The houseplant is ashes again; it’s the sort of day that’s so hot it makes Martin want to peel his skin off, except it’s not that kind of day day. Instead everything is dead and melting, and Martin still stubbornly reaches for Jon, who’s staring at the window, and the little girl who’s crying outside, her bright red hair falling into the grass one by one, creating little sparks that will soon make the world ablaze. 

“It’s the seventh time we’ve watched her burn,” Martin mutters.

“Eighth,” Jon corrects, because of course he does, before adding: “They’re not exactly imaginative.”

“Guess not.” Martin presses a kiss against his hair. “Why are you looking, though?”

“Just thinking.” Jon’s hand finds his, and squeezes it gently. “I don’t regret it, you know.”

Martin blinks. “Regret what?”

“The one choice I did make. I don’t regret it. If we’d waited, I would not have seen this; I wouldn’t not been able to save anything at all.”

“..Jon --”

“I want you to know,” Jon declares, firmer. “It’s important to me than you know. I don’t like that I trapped you into an eternity of -- of fear guardianship. But If we had gone with the original plan, if they’d managed to escape, ... I wouldn’t have been able to live with it, Martin. I wouldn’t have gotten better. There wouldn’t have been any fixing it. But here -- with you -- I... I think I can be happy. I want us to be happy.”

“Me too,” Martin says. “I want us to be happy too.”

“...Good,” Jon says.

“Good,” Martin repeats. And then, because he is tired of staring outside by the window, or at the wall, because Hill Top Road is much bigger than the bedroom they insist on spending so much time in, he tugs at Jon gently. “Come on,” he says. “I think I’d like some tea.”

“In this weather?” Jon asks, because he’s a brat, but when Martin rolls his eyes and pulls him away from the window, he follows with a warm smile.

[heliads]

Guns Blazing, Tides Rising (Part Five)

When Kaz Brekker announces that they’ll be working with a certain Tidemaker to help with the latest heist, Jesper knows it’s not going to end well. He and Y/N L/N have a fierce rivalry, although feelings may change over a night.

previous / series masterlist

a/n: it’s finally over 😭thanks once again to @underc0vercryptid​ for being my muse for all of this

It’s hard for Jesper to convince himself to leave the alley, to let his hands leave Y/N and return to their places by his sides. Inej and Kaz will be looking for them, that much is true. But there’s still a sound like a sigh trapped and rattling in his lungs when he leaves, a regret that he can’t quite excuse away with knowledge of what Kaz’s vengeance would mean if he found a single Dreg disobeying one of his most enforced rules.

Y/N understands, that much is true. She’s become more involved with the Dregs as time goes on. She knows Kaz Brekker in the way that they all do- the Bastard of the Barrel isn’t one that you cross unless you wish to lose your tongue and your life. It still seems wrong to give this up, though, to let Dirtyhands keep walking all over him for the one thing that matters. In the end, they would have had to leave the alley anyways. This is just the first excuse that passes Jesper’s lips.

He manages to turn off his mind for a little while, convincing himself that it doesn’t feel harder and harder to leave, that he can be emotionless and cold. Jesper’s tone is clinical when he tells Kaz and Inej of the successful mission, his hands for once unshaking and firm when he hands over the list of names to Kaz. However, even his attempts at being fine and calm draw suspicion- Kaz hadn’t seen them rejoin the rest of the party when the guests relocated from the main hall, and he wanted to know why.

Jesper has spent enough time running with the canal rats for lies to spring easily to his tongue. There was a difficulty finding the safe, he says, they had to dodge some guards and they didn’t quite get there in time. It doesn’t really matter, though, does it? They got in, they got out, and they weren’t the reason the alarms were sounded. Kaz raises an eyebrow at this, but he doesn’t press it. Jesper might be well and truly hallucinating, but he swears he sees a tinge of unrest in Kaz’s eyes, like the boy is haunting himself over the fact that he may have made an error, one that could have gotten his gang caught like a too-clever fox in a trap.

Maybe this shift in Kaz’s usual ruthless demeanor is enough to unsettle him, or maybe it’s the gnawing knowledge that Jesper keeps walking away from the girl he might love that drives him to leave the Slat once more. It’s early morning now, dawn with its rosy-fingered hues, but a lack of sleep has hardly bothered Jesper before, and it certainly won’t now. He thinks as he walks, stretching his legs as he paces mindless circles around the city.

Jesper can’t shake the feeling that he’s been running for too long. He’s used to it, but for some reason, it feels different now. He doesn’t like this constant leaving, this weight on his shoulders like he’s holding true to a lie that will one day spiral out of control. Jesper is used to living life on the run, to being flamboyantly proud of everything that makes him, well, him. The skulking around back corners, stealing kisses only after he’s checked and double-checked that no one is watching? It feels like a noose is tightening around his neck.

In the end, Jesper finds himself climbing up a rickety fire escape and stretching his legs out over the edge of a roof, watching the golden dawn start to turn the waters surrounding Ketterdam bronze with light. It is not long before he is joined by someone else, someone with answering steps and a reassuring smile tossed his way. Maybe she could tell from how they’d left that he was still lost in thought. Regardless, Jesper is happy to not be alone.

Y/N sits next to him, carefully swinging her feet over the edge. Her heels kick up against the brick. “I like this view. I like being able to see the water. It feels like I’m more connected to it.” Jesper turns his head towards her, watching the way the early morning air toys with her eyelashes, her face. “Is it easy to be a Tidemaker here? I mean, you’re powerful enough that people don’t try to trap you with indentures. Does it ever get easy in Ketterdam?”

Y/N laughs quietly. “Not at all. I still remember when I first showed up and stepped off of the boats. My parents wanted to send me away from the disaster that was the Ravkan civil war. They guessed it would happen long before it did, and assumed Kerch would be safer. They sent me over first, saying that they’d follow soon after.” Jesper can hear the inflections in her voice, the way she casts her eyes towards the water with renewed vigor. He knows this means that they never showed up again.

She clears her throat, voice stubbornly loud as if ridding herself of doubts. “I was terrified when I first got here. Nothing made sense. In Ravka, Grisha were feared, yes, and there were always traders or mercenaries or even drüskelle out for blood, but we had a home there. If you had a home, people rarely came hunting for you. I had no such harbor here.”

Y/N looks out over the streets as if she’s never walked them before, as if she’s once more a stranger to the coal-choked airways always drenched with a spattering of rain and misfortune. “I had a friend. A girl who came with me. She was an Inferni, made the mistake of trying to summon up a small spark to keep her warm. I watched them take her right before my eyes, and I didn’t do anything at all. I vowed from that moment on that I would never be weak again, never hide in the shadows like I did on that night.”

Jesper’s heard bits and pieces of the story from here. He’d learned the most about her before he even liked her at all, actually, back when they still considered themselves to be rivals. Jesper had told himself that he was just collecting information on an enemy to best take her down the next time they crossed paths, but there was more to that, wasn’t there? Maybe that was a sign that even then, when Jesper had convinced himself that the only thing they could ever have was animosity, he still wanted something more. That was a gambler’s luck, after all- always reaching for a better deal, a shinier prospect. She was his best capture.

Y/N glances over at him like she can sense his thoughts. “That’s when you entered the picture, actually. I stopped being scared to hide my powers and started using them in bloodlust. I took up jobs, found this one really annoying sharpshooter who kept getting in my way.” Jesper presses a hand to his chest in mock indignation. “I think you can do better than just ‘really annoying’. Dashingly infuriating, maybe. Devastatingly attractive. A charming enemy who-”

Y/N cuts him off, laughing. “You’re awful. Utterly awful.” Jesper goes to protest, but she leans in, pressing a kiss to his lips that makes his heart swoop in his chest. Y/N raises an eyebrow at Jesper’s sudden silence. “Am I that good of a kisser? I don’t think I’ve seen you that awestruck in a while.” Jesper scoffs. “I can do better than that.”

He lets his hands find hers, lets the rising sun light the way his lips meet hers. They don’t leave the rooftop until the sun has fully ascended to its place in the sky, until the clatter of feet on cobblestones is the only reason for an exit. Not a gang, not its fearsome leader. Just the two of them, drowning out the whole world until there’s nothing left at all.

He is eventually found out, of course. All stories repeat themselves, all beginnings follow suit. When Kaz calls Jesper up to his office, he finds that he isn’t worried at all. Before, he might have felt his shoulders tense, hesitating at the door. When Jesper faces the oddly terrifying wooden paneling, however, all he can think about is the sun shining through Y/N’s eyes, the smile on her lips as his fingers laced around hers. If loving her is wrong, well, Jesper’s already been a criminal for quite some time. Why not add one more misdeed to the list?

Kaz waits for him in the office. He stands up, black gloved hands tapping on the familiar crow’s head cane. It’s all meant for a threatening display- Jesper’s seen this very posture used successfully on many a nervous trainwreck of a failed business partner or lackluster goon. However, Jesper’s still filled with the giddy rush of seeing his girl and he can’t quite force himself to care.

Kaz clears his throat, the metal hull of a ship scraping against jagged rocks. “Y/N L/N.” He doesn’t have to say anything else, just the name. Jesper nods. “Yes.” Kaz raises an eyebrow. “You’re not going to deny it?” Jesper shrugs. “We both know your information is good. Yes, I’m seeing her.” Kaz’s fingers still on the head of the cane. “You know how I feel about that. It’s a weakness.”

Jesper should take it as a possible sign of insanity that he’s considering the path before him at all. He knows what Kaz expects of him- an apology, maybe, a promise that he won’t stray from the rules again, or at least not so long as they interfere with Kaz’s master plan for the Dregs. He’ll see Y/N out, do his best not to cross paths with her again. He might return to the gambling halls once more just to stave off some unsightly emptiness inside of him, and then he’ll be as good as gold.

Jesper, however, does not intend to do any of this at all. What good are the odds if he doesn’t have his girl? He’s stepped inside the Crow Club over the past couple of days. The rattle of Makker’s Wheel doesn’t have that same fervor, the excitement doesn’t spread over him in the same delicious rush. Simply put, it isn’t worth it. It isn’t a gamble worth his time, and Jesper’s lost mightier fortunes over lesser odds.

So Jesper shakes his head. “Not her. Not like this.” Kaz tilts his head just slightly, eyes calculating, looking for loopholes to exploit. “So you’d willingly break the rules?” Jesper leans forward. “We’re Dregs, Kaz. It’s what we do.” Kaz returns his level gaze. “Not like this. Tell me, what is it that makes Y/N L/N worth this much to you? You were enemies before, were you not? Is it the power? The chance that she may be like you?”

Jesper lifts a shoulder. “It’s not always about finding the best possible advantage, Kaz. We work well together. It was only a matter of time before it was more.” Kaz Brekker might understand. Dirtyhands does not. “Your goal was not to find some pretty girlfriend in the Barrel, Jesper, it was to complete the mission and move on. I knew from the second you held her bleeding body in your arms that this wouldn’t be worth my time or my energy.”

Jesper doesn’t realize he’s standing until he is. “Then say it. I’ve spent my time playing your games, Kaz, and Saints know I’ll keep on turning your tables, but not on this. We all break the wheel at some point. I’m willing to do it for her.” Kaz is silent for a time, a time that seems to stretch on into such an eternity that Jesper finds himself tapping his revolvers again, feeling that same itch for a fight. It’s well and good to go into a battle of the bullets and feel the adrenaline kick in, he could handle that. This, however? Waiting for Kaz to do something, anything? You can’t fight that, only wait for it to end. And Jesper’s never been particularly good at waiting.

At last, Kaz speaks. “Then stay with her.” Jesper almost thinks that he’s started hallucinating. “What?” Kaz inclines his head. “She’s good for you. You’ve been more focused.” Jesper stares for a second, then shakes his head, fighting back the impossible urge to break into manic laughter. “Honestly, if it takes you considering the potential business opportunities to approve of us, I’m not about to challenge that.”

Something almost like a smile appears on Kaz’s face. Jesper is most certainly going insane. “I’m not completely heartless, Jesper. You’re a useful sharpshooter.” Jesper’s eyes widen. “That’s practically a compliment. Do you need me for a heist later? I can’t think of anything else to cause this.” Kaz tilts his head in acknowledgement of this surreal situation, pausing for a second as if listening to a voice that no one else can hear.

Then he gestures towards the door, allowing Jesper to leave. As Jesper walks towards the door, though, Kaz says something else. “Inej just left the roof.” Jesper nods in understanding. “Look at you. Dishing out the compliments for your Wraith to hear.” Kaz’s brow furrows, and Jesper decides to leave the office now before Kaz decides to take back his approval of Jesper and Y/N and hit him with his cane or something else overtly Kaz-like.

Despite his best efforts, Jesper is still teeming with anxious energy after the meeting, so he goes on a quick stroll around the crooked alleyways of the Barrel to calm the restless ticking of his hands and legs. When he comes back to the Slat, however, he notices that his door is slightly ajar. Jesper enters his room slowly, relaxing at the sound of voices.

The window is open, showing the faint drizzle of the streets outside. Y/N sits on the floor next to Inej as both girls consider a makeshift target of a few rags at the far end of the room. Inej tosses a knife up and down in her hand, then flings it towards the target. She hits it in the center, to no one’s surprise. Y/N’s eyes follow the path of the blade, and then she extends her hand towards the window, letting drops of rain fly towards her palm. She curls her fingers around the water, shaping it into a perfect replica of the knife Inej had just thrown, then directs it towards the target to slosh around Inej’s blade, another direct hit to the center.

Inej makes a scoffing sound. “That doesn’t count. You got to control the knife instead of just throwing it.” Y/N shrugs absentmindedly. “You got to pick a knife, I had to make mine myself. I think it evens out.” Inej glances up towards Jesper, smiling slightly. Somehow, it comes to no surprise that she’d known he was there all along. “Jesper, come tell your girlfriend that she’s cheating at target practice.”

Jesper shrugs. “As long as you hit the target I don’t think you can cheat. Also, I thought I locked this door.” Y/N grins up at him. “That’s the unbiased support I love to hear. And your door was locked, we just wanted to go in so we did.” Jesper nods. “That clears up everything.” Y/N laughs. “Good to know.” Inej stands up, stretching, and goes to retrieve her knife. She goes to climb through the window once more then pauses, turning to face them.

“I’m glad Kaz let you two stay together. I certainly did my arguing for you.” Jesper frowns. “How long have you known?” Inej sighs exasperatedly. “Practically since the start. You two are terrible at being secretive, you know that?” She doesn’t give them time to protest, just slips out the window and disappears into the roofline before you could even blink.

Y/N walks over to Jesper, a half smile on her face. “I suppose she’s right. We haven’t exactly been the most discreet, have we?” Jesper shrugs. “Maybe not. But we don’t have to hide anymore. We don’t have to leave.” Y/N smiles at him now, a true smile. “I like the sound of that.” Jesper hums thoughtfully, leaning down to kiss her. “So do I.”

guns blazing, tides rising masterlist: @kaqua​, @amortensie​

[intheticklecloset]

Deku’s Interrogation (My Hero Academia)

Primary Universe

Yaaaas! I loved writing this prompt so much! I decided to take that “capture the flag” idea and turn it into a “rescue the hostage” training exercise for the class. I also decided to have Kaminari be the ler because I’ve written a lot of ler Bakugou torturing poor Deku! 😂 I think the change was refreshing and fun! Enjoy!

~

In all of his hero training at U.A., Deku had never been cast to play a villain before. He didn’t know why, now that he thought about it. Selecting classmates to play villains seemed to be random each time; the fact that he’d gone so many rounds without being cast himself was actually a pretty impressive statistic. Had Mr. Aizawa done that on purpose? Or maybe All Might had something to do with it?

No, he decided, walking slowly and alertly through the empty streets of the fake city they were training in. It was just the luck of the draw that he’d never had to play a bad guy before. But today was different. Today they were doing rescue training, and he and six others had been cast to play the villains. His job was to keep any heroes from getting close enough to their base to rescue their captive, Mr. Aizawa. With his speed and raw power, he seemed the perfect choice to make sure no one even got close enough to the building, let alone inside it.

Up ahead, he heard a soft sound followed by a whispered curse. Instantly his mind was shuffling through potential threats. Which one of his classmates was nearby? He could only rule out those who were on his team as fellow villains; it could be anyone hiding around that corner up ahead.

Deciding the element of surprise would be best, Deku surged forward, leaping up onto the side of one structure to use as a springboard to attack whoever was hiding, but his opponent seemed to have suspected he’d do this and had already bailed from where they’d been just as Deku came hurtling toward the spot they’d vacated.

When he stood up, Deku found himself face-to-face with Kaminari.

“Aw, crap,” Denki muttered, putting on an angry face for the sake of their training. “Of course it had to be you.”

“Thought you could sneak up on me?” Deku asked, trying to stay in character.

“If I hadn’t tripped over that rock, I would have.”

“Too bad for you.”

Kaminari threw his hands in the air, violent sparks of electricity shooting out from his hands and flying toward Deku at record speed. But thanks to One For All, the “villain” was able to jet away quickly enough to avoid damage, then hurtle back toward Denki and grab his arms, twisting them behind him.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said in what he hoped was a growling voice.

“Oh yeah?” Kami whipped his head back hard enough to smack into Deku’s forehead, making him shout in pain and stumble back in the seconds before he found himself shoved against a wall, soft electric currents shooting through his pinned wrists. “Now, if you so much as blink at me the wrong way, I’ll fry you so hard you’ll go up in smoke.”

Wow, he’s really into this, Deku thought.

“I’m only going to ask this once,” the electric hero continued. “Where is Mr. Aizawa?”

Deku grunted, but he knew better than to make any sudden movements. “Like I’d tell you.”

All of a sudden, Denki got a look in his eyes that sent a shiver down Deku’s spine. The blonde eyed him for a moment, then glanced at his wrists – still buzzing with a soft current – and chuckled lowly. “Heh. Aren’t you a little too ticklish to be playing a villain, Midoriya?”

Deku’s eyes widened. “Y-You…you wouldn’t. Not in the middle of training.”

Kaminari’s answering smirk was positively evil. “Try me.”

Deku tried to break out of Kami’s hold, but the instant he moved – as promised – his friend intensified the current running down his arms, making them freeze up in a painful electric shock. While he cried out and was distracted, Denki grabbed onto his hips and started kneading. “Tell me where he is.”

“NOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!” Deku burst into laughter, shooting his arms down to grab at Kami’s wrists desperately. “NOHOHOHOHO NO NO, YOU CAHAHAHAHAHAN’T DO THIHIS!!”

“Says who?” Denki challenged, pushing him right back up against the wall. “The rules say the heroes are to find and rescue the hostage by any means necessary. Well, I intend to do both, even if it means tickling you to pieces to get the information I need.”

“STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!! KAMINAHAHAHARI!!”

“Better talk, villain.” Denki’s smirk became more playful now. “Or I’ll use my quirk to really tickle it out of you.”

Everything in Deku wanted to beg Kaminari to let him go, but in order to fulfill his role as a villain, he knew he couldn’t give up the information without a fight. So, despite his singing nerves, he spat out a half-growled, “DOHOHOHOHO YOUR WOHOHOHORST!!”

“As you wish.”

“AAIIEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!” Deku shrieked with hysterics when Kami ignited his sparks just enough to send extra intense ticklish shockwaves through his system. His legs quickly gave out beneath him from the assault. “NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!”

“Tell me where Aizawa is!” Denki demanded, grinning as he followed Deku to the ground and pinned him there. “Tell me, or I’ll tickle you to death!”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” Deku desperately shoved at Kami’s shoulders, but in response the blonde merely laughed and straddled him, still focused on his hips. “I-I’LL NEHEHEVER TAHAHAHAHAHALK!!” He regretted his words even as he said them, but he had to stay in character! “I CAHAHAHAHAHAHAN TAHAHAHAHAKE IT!!”

“You can?” Kaminari beamed. “Great! Then you won’t mind if I just tickle and tickle and tickle and—”

“NOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP TAHAHAHALKING!!” Deku pleaded, the teasing messing with him more than he could stand. Resisting tickle torture was one thing, but teasing as well?!

“Stop talking? I thought you said you could take this?” Denki knew full well what he was doing, and under normal circumstances perhaps he would have felt a little bad about it, but right now he had a job to do. He was getting that location out of Deku if it was the last thing he did. “Oh, I see. You can take the tickling; it’s the teasing you don’t like!”

“KAMI--!!”

“Well, I mean, I did say you were a little too ticklish to be a villain. And here we are, me completely dominating this fight, all because you’re just so insanely sensitive! Why did the villains think to put you on guard duty when just one little tickle would render you helpless like this?”

“I’M NOHOHOHOHOT HEHEHEHEHEHELPLESS!!” Deku screeched, kicking his legs and trying to pry Denki’s fingers from his hips. But anytime he got close enough to make contact, the sparks emanating from the hero would force him back again.

“No? Go ahead, then. Get out of this if you can, villain.”

He was trying. So, so desperately he was digging his heels into the pavement, twisting and writhing to try and get Kami’s weight off of him, shoving at any part of his body he could reach. None of it was working. Denki knew his death spot was his hips and he was just staying there and Deku was losing his mind laughing and the electric shocks were only making it worse—

“PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!!” Deku couldn’t help it anymore; if he didn’t do something he was going to go insane. Laughter-induced tears streamed down his cheeks. “STAHAHAHAHAP, PLEASE, KAHAHAHAHAHAMINARI!!”

“Where’s Mr. Aizawa?” Denki demanded, slipping back into his role as a relentless hero now that he saw how desperate he’d made his friend. “Talk, villain!”

“I CAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAN’T!!” Deku screamed, tossing his head back with renewed hysterics when Denki intensified his ticklish shockwaves.

“The more you resist, the more I tickle,” Kaminari said in a low, threatening tone. “Talk.”

Now Deku was well and truly losing his mind. He knew there was no getting out of this physically; he was far too weakened by the tickling and his thoughts were turning to mush with every second that went by that his torturer didn’t let up on his death spot. He could barely breathe. His laughter was beyond out of control – it was wild. There was only one thing he could do to get this to stop, and while he hated giving in so easily, he had no choice.

“OKAYOKAYOKAHAHAHAHAHAHY I’LL TAHAHAHAHAHAHALK JUST PLEASE STOP TIHIHIHIHICKLING MEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!”

Denki stopped, grinning victoriously, but at that moment the buzzer sounded and Present Mic’s voice blasted through the speakers. “The heroes have dismantled the villain’s defenses and rescued the hostage! This battle is over! Heroes win!”

For a moment, Kaminari could only blink in astonishment. His friends had rescued Mr. Aizawa while he was out here tickling Deku into submission? What good had that done anyone? He was such a moron. “Aw, man,” he mumbled, climbing off of his friend. “I didn’t even get to do anything.”

“A-Are you…kidding me?” Deku gasped incredulously, looking up at him through teary-eyed vision. “I w-was the villains’…primary defense! Y-You completely disarmed me, and while…while I was distracted the other h-heroes got in to rescue the hostage. You just won for…your whole team, Kaminari!”

Denki was silent for a moment. Then a megawatt grin spread across his features and he pumped a fist in the air. “All right! I did it!” He turned his smile to Deku, who still lay gasping for breath, and he hesitated. “Oh, uh…are you okay, Midoriya? Sorry if I went a little crazy, I just…” He knelt down beside his friend. “I had to play my role, you know?”

Deku groaned. “And since I couldn’t just give up the information you needed without a fight, I got tickled nearly to death. This doesn’t seem fair.”

“Well…I did say I’d hold you to letting me try out my new tickle-shocks on you.” Kaminari chuckled. “So you kind of had this coming anyway.”

After a long moment, Deku giggled tiredly. “Yeah, okay, I guess that makes me feel a little better.” He held out his hand, and Kaminari helped him to his feet. “Do me a favor though – next time you feel like tickling me, please do not use those tickle-shocks on my hips. That was unbearable.”

“Hey, I had to get the information I needed!” Denki replied with a laugh, walking with his friend away from the scene of the crime. “But it did seem a little intense. I won’t use them there again without warning you first; how does that sound?” He couldn’t very well promise to never do that again – it had been too much fun!

Deku considered for a moment, then nodded. “Okay. And hey, Kaminari?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. I didn’t like playing a villain anyway.”

[trevor-wilson-covington]

What could have been...

//Saw that the site I use to make mood boards has a CD Cover option and thought it would be fun to do Sunset Curve’s Demo and Unreleased Songs (+Home Is Where My Horse Is) as they would look as singles!!! I may make CD Covers for the other 13 songs in the show...if people end up really liking these ones and if inspiration strikes!

**Gave an idea of what I think the other 7 songs would be about/why they were written (said what we know Unsaid Emily, Now or Never, and Home Is Where My Horse Is are about already of course too)!!

1. Unsaid Emily: Is of course about Luke’s rough relationship with his mom, which was never resolved before his death. It touches on how he knew he should have turned around and come back home but his pride stopped him. All the conversations he had created in his head about what they would say to each other when he finally saw her again stayed that way, thoughts in his head. Wondering if he had been able to say the right things to his mom or made up with her before dying, would time not have erased the memory of him?  

2. Get Lost: I believe it is about the feeling of restlessness and wanting to just take off on an adventure somewhere new or unique. Similar to how Luke finds sleeves (zleeves) restricting, this song is about how life can feel suffocating sometimes and all you want to do is grab a bag of essentials and walk in the mist/ride off into the night to a freer life. 

3. Long Weekend: Is about the band’s friendship/brotherhood/sense of found family and how over many weekends they find themselves going through a lot of struggles and heartache together. These are the weekends that feel the longest because there is so much the four boys help each other through and many times they find they don’t want the weekend to end so they can spend more non-band time together to just be four stupid teen boys navigating all the twists and turns of life. 

4. Crooked Teeth: My thoughts are that it could have been written when he had braces/a retainer in the 90s & was self-conscious of it, so it was written to cheer Reggie up about his braces/retainer & pretty much say "hey, Reggie...people's smiles vary & they're all unique & beautiful"...instead of mocking him, like the show seems to tell us it was written to do.

5. My Name Is Luke: Is a darker, more introspective song about Luke’s struggle with an identity crisis where he feels he’s being pulled in different directions. One side is the Luke who loves his parents and wants to make them happy and have them be proud of him. The other side is the Luke. who is passionate about writing and playing music, who thrives off the feelings and energies of the crowd as they connect with him and his lyrics. Luke finds he can’t be one version of Luke without ultimately giving up the other and trying to do both is exhausting and soul crushing at times. The title is his way of saying ‘Hey, this is my name, it’s who I am, and I can be a loving son my parents can be proud of while also doing what I love and making a difference in the lives of people who listen to my music’. He just wishes his parents could come to understand that he loves music and he’s really good at it, so why can’t he continue doing it and make them proud at the same time.  

6. Now or Never: Is, as we know, about Sunset Curve’s rise to fame and how they can dream as though they’ll never die but they’re going to live their life as though today could be their last day alive. They aren’t looking to the future, because all they need are each other and the energy that is coursing through their bodies in the present. They hear a voice in their heads saying you only have this one life, so make the most of it so when you die you’ll have had no regrets about the things you did or didn’t do. This is their time to shine and even when their lives were bleak or lacking, their days were still the best of their lives because they were making music and gradually making a name for themselves doing so. 

Weaved in are of course lyrics that seem to foreshadow their 3 deaths with the mention of shock to their hearts (the defibrillators used to try to keep them alive in the alley or ambulance), clocks moving forward but they don’t get older (how for 25 yrs they were in limbo and didn’t age and are now 17-year-old ghosts in 2020), how they kept on climbing 'til their stars collided (floated up out of the ambulance to the dark place until crashing into Julie’s life (she’s a star as Luke says)), and how all that they left in the past was just the just the key to paradise (all the things they left behind once they died were just ‘stepping stones’ to the ‘paradise’ of heaven for most people or in the boy’s case the path to Julie and playing music again).

7. Late Last Night: Is about the late nights the four boys spent out at clubs/venues leading up to the Orpheum, gigs that helped them gain a decent following, and all the crazy things they saw and did. 17-year-olds out late partying, possibly drinking, on school nights. A higher energy song, similar to Now or Never to match the antics of a bunch of teens practically let loose on the music/club scene during the band’s rise in the Hollywood/LA music scene in ‘93/’94/’95. It evokes the feelings of being wild and reckless as a teen, while also somehow capturing the energy of the nighttime as you move from the crowded main strip into residential areas and how quick and jarring the change can be.     

8. Lakeside Reflection: This is a tough one, but I think it would be about the individual experiences most or all of the boys have from going to lakes during summer with their families. There’s of course all the fun time spent with family, but in the reflection on the lake of those moments the boys only see the truth of their family dynamics, what was hidden behind a pleasant façade. 

For Luke, it was the strained relationship and fights with his mom over the band and his dreams. 

For Alex, it was the looks and offhanded comments made by his parents and the looks of sympathy from his sister, ever since he told them he was gay. 

For Reggie, it was the nights spent keeping his brother and sister distracted as the walls practically shook from the volume and intensity of his parents’ almost daily fights. 

And for Bobby, it was the truth that he kept up a façade even with the boys so they wouldn’t know that his family, that the others always believed to be perfect, wasn’t perfect at all. When rarely he saw his parents and they weren’t off on business trips or working late into the night, Bobby found them to be disinterested in his life and any affection or love was relegated to a pat on the back or a quick hand held before they rushed out the door once more. 

The happy summer vibes at the lake could never truly make any of the boys forget their truths, but at least they could let loose for the extent of their trips and finally feel like a carefree teen again.               

9. In Your Starlight: This would seem to be a certain kind of love song at first glance and for some people that’s what it may be, but to me it is a very specific kind of love song. This love song is about relationships each of the boys had, the very few of them, that didn’t turn out well for some reason or another. A passion for music overshadowing the passion to keep a relationship going. The fear of long-term commitment and a short-lived bliss, before the fighting starts, ending the relationship before it ever grew deeper. The smothering of a fire in the soul so outsiders can’t see one trace of its flicker, hidden behind a lie, in case they find out the truth and react with disgust or hatred. Or the overly flirtatious and, at times, clingy antics used to get a person interested in starting a relationship. To keep them invested in the relationship, in an effort to make sure they won’t leave out of boredom or for someone better. This song is from the perspective of those other people, how they saw the relationship, no matter the length, and what they see as the thing that ended it or kept it from growing stronger. How they all in some way felt like they were pulled in by light of each of the boys (the stars) and things were good at first, before the cracks started to appear and reality truly set in.    

10. Home Is Where My Horse Is: It’s an expression of where and whom Reggie calls home. The horse had never really stood for an actual horse, but rather it represented Luke, Alex, and Bobby. The people Reggie considered his family, his home, more than he ever would the house he had grown up in. Horses symbolize freedom without restraint, because riding a horse makes people feel they can free themselves from their own bindings. There is no constraining a horse when it runs with the wind, but they also enjoy the company of family and friends. Reggie wants freedom from the stuff with his parents and his own personal demons that keep him held back. He finds with the band, his real family, he can run free and be himself...enjoying being around the boys and not having to worry about fighting and drama. His home is where he (the horse) is... able to be its true self and go where the wind takes it.     

[stephspurs]

A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction - BONUS MOMENTS

Surprise!!! I'm back with a select few bonus #bamelia moments!! I just couldn't let the love story of Ben and Amelia die, I hope you don't mind. Love Always, Steph xx

PSA: To all new readers, you don't have to read the series (link below) to understand this, however it would help so that you can understand the preconceived emotions behind the chapter!

Champions Again | di nuovo campioni

warnings; none word count; 1865 writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter. link to fic masterlist here

They had done it, again. The Chelsea boys were lifting their second team trophy for the year, they had just won the Supercup. This was Amelia’s first competition final with the Premier League giants and if she had her way, this wouldn't be last. She was beginning to get addicted to the feeling of winning, of proving to every little girl out there and every sexist male she had ever come across, that anything boys can do, girls can do better. She was letting her results speak for themselves, she was making history and there was nothing that could bring her down from the ninth cloud she was currently riding.

As proud as she was over her own achievements, she was equally as proud of her friends. Whilst she wasn’t part of their Champions League victory, she knew that this moment was just as special to the team that just loved to win. The scenes before her were ones she hoped she would never forget - the look on Jorgi’s face as he lifted his third trophy of the last few months, the crinkles beside Mason’s eyes as he grinned at the camera that was desperate to capture every moment of the evening, the tinge of pink on the apples of Ben’s cheeks as he stood with his hands on his hips while he watched Amelia give her first post-match tactical analysis to the Sky Sports reporter - proud that she was his girl. These were the moments that made Amelia forget all of the hard times, or rather made her realise that all of the hard times were worth it to see her friends, her team, her man smile.

With every great victory comes an even greater after party, and even though the Super Cup final coincided with the start of the season, the boys still believed that they deserved an afterparty to celebrate. Captain Cesar Azpilicueta had kindly offered the grounds of his Surrey home to host the bunch of rowdy boys, and their onslaught on mates and partners on the Sunday afternoon between the Super Cup final and the first match of the Premier League 21/22 season. Whilst they were under strict instruction from the higher powers of Chelsea Football Club (namely; Thomas Tuchel) to keep the drinking to a minimum and to keep themselves out of trouble, the boys were allowed to be boys for one more night.

______________________________________________________________

“Benj, what are you wearing? I don’t know if I should wear a sundress or denim shorts! Please, I need help!” I shouted out to Ben who was currently somewhere in his large house.

“Why would my outfit be able to help you with that decision” I could hear his voice getting closer, his footsteps getting louder as he began to ascend the stairs up to the main bedroom that I had slowly started to take over in the last couple months.

“An opinion is all I’m after - stop being cheeky mate” I shoot back at him as I begin to stand up from my place in front of his wardrobe. It was still his wardrobe, he hadn’t asked me to move in yet so it was still technically his even if it was half full with my clothes. As I got to my feet, I turned to see him leaning in the doorway with his arms and ankles crossed over each other. Wearing a tee shirt and some denim shorts himself with a cap covering his ungelled hair - a request from me because it was much easier for me to run my hands through if it wasn’t laden with gel...and because it gave me an excuse to push it out of his face whenever I felt like it (which was often).

“I wouldn’t mind if you stayed in that outfit to be fair, however, that would also mean we would be skipping this afterparty altogether and be spending the afternoon celebrating in an entirely different manner” He states staring at me while I’m currently standing with my hands on my hips, staring at the shorts and tank top combo I have laid out on his bed - again, his bed not ours - he hasn’t asked me to move in yet so it was technically his even if it did have the new bed sheets I purchased a couple weeks back with the matching throw cushions on it. The barely-there outfit that I was currently sporting and that had him licking his lips as he pushed himself off of the doorway to walk to me and wrap his arms around my body from behind was a bralette and a pair of his Chelsea shorts.

“Ok sorted, you’re in denim shorts so I’m going to wear mine too. Done ok move get off me I need to change or we’re going to be late” I exclaimed as I pushed him off me with my hips. A bad move? Absolutely not. I got to feel all of him against me and remind him of what he gets to come home to every evening, if he choses.

“Wow what's the rush now Mils? Why are you walking around like you’ve got ants in your pants?” He questioned as he tightened his grip on me and turned me so I was facing him, looking up into his curious baby blues.

“And don’t say nothing, I’ve picked up on all of your tells already” He further questioned as he could see the wheels begin to turn behind my eyes, desperate to come up with an excuse to mask my jitters so I wouldn’t have to tell him the truth.

“I regret ever letting you become friends with Fede, he’s spilling all of my secrets...Ok fine. I’m nervous to see Jack. I haven’t seen him since...ya’know and I haven't spoken to him since I gave him a telling off before international break and Ben I promise you I haven't thought about him once but I’m still worried that there's unresolved anger there from him and I don’t want to get into it again just when we’re getting back into the groove of us and it’ll impact your friendsh-” my rambling was cut off by his lips, which were simultaneously reminding me to breathe between my words and leaving me breathless at the same time. He always did have a way with his lips, the power they held over me was unmatched by anything.

“Calm down love, I promise it’ll be okay. Jack and I have had it out already, a long chat on international duties which may have only been prompted because Mase and Dec locked us in the kit room after our first session, sorted it all out.” Ben reassured me as he began to rub his thumbs over my cheeks and his hands held both sides of my face.

“I do know he wants to apologise to you though - so don’t be surprised if he tries to do that early on in the evening. You know just how awkward he can be so he’ll probably spring it on you before you’ve even put your bag down.”

“Oh great, I’m gonna need to do a couple shots before we leave the house - you’re good to drive right?” I said as I walked from his grasp and down the stairs to grab the bottle of vodka for some good old fashioned dutch courage.

______________________________________________________________

Ben was right about Jack, he had approached the couple only moments after they had arrived at Azpi’s house. Amelia had spotted him making his way towards them so she began to walk in a different direction to Ben, stretching their interlocked hands and letting him go as she mumbled something about needing to put her bag down. Ben really knew both of them too well. Jack gave Ben a hug hello, still in the grovelling stage of repairing their friendship.

“Hey bro, how’s it goin?” Jack spoke as he pulled away from Ben.

“Yeah bro all’s good with me, how are you? Congrats on the move again, million dollar geez you are, aren’t ya? Don’t forget me when you're mingling with Messi in a couple years” Ben joked back with the boy who has been literally a brother to him for the last few years.

“Ahhh you’re jokin me, could never forget a brother could I? We’re basically blood at this point I reckon. Where’d Mils run off ta?” Jack questioned with his arm around Ben’s neck, both of the boys looking out into the garden for the girl in question.

“Right here super Jack” Amelia spoke from behind them. During their brief discussion, Amelia had put her bag down and ran inside to grab herself a drink before walking out to face the music of Jack’s apology. Overhearing how lighthearted he was with Ben, coupled with the reassurance that Ben had provided her earlier in the evening plus the two or three vodka shots she had downed in their kitchen before coming to the afterparty had meant that she left her worries at the door.

“Mils, darlin', you already know what's coming but I truly am sorry...to both of ya ya’know. Benny, we’ve already had it out and it took me ages to get over that black eye but please believe me when I tell ya I am so sorry for treating you that way Amelia. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry and I regret nothing more than how I made you feel.” Jack could feel himself getting teary whilst thinking about how he made the girl feel, how he made his best mate and chosen brother feel, how he really put a spanner in the works of their blossoming relationship.

“Jack, I’m not going to say it was ok because it wasn't. But it wasn’t just your fault, I also played a part in it that has me cursing myself every day for ruining things with Benj. I forgive you, Jacky.” Amelia spoke while reaching up and wrapping her arms around Jack’s neck to give him one of her signature squeezy hugs, to truly convey that she was moving on from their tumultuous past and hoped that he could stop beating himself up over it and do the same.

Jack had left the couple to return to the table and grab himself a refill of his drink. Ben’s arm had found its natural position around Amelia’s shoulders as they both stood there looking out at their friends. However, Ben was looking down at Amelia. Without missing a beat and keeping her eyes focused out on the yard, Amelia spoke only loud enough for Ben to hear.

“So, you gave Jack a black eye over me huh? That’s hot”

Amelia took a few steps forward before turning to look at the expression on Ben’s face as she continued to walk away from him, backwards. The slight shock turned into a full on smirk as he walked towards her eager to close the gap between them with a kiss. He knew she loved him with her whole heart, but he hoped that she would understand just how much he loved her right back.

The Proposal | la proposta

[serowotonin]

˗ˏˋ 𝗴𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 ˎˊ˗

✰ PAIRING ( terushima yuuji x fem!reader ) ✰ WORDCOUNT ( 1.9k ) ✰ GENRE ( ansgt, songfic ) ✰ WARNINGS ( um one swear word, angst, implications of de*th )

all the memories that we make will never change we'll stay drunk, we'll stay tan, let the love remain and I swear that I'll always paint you golden days ♫ panic! at the disco

✰✰ NOTE.. so uH i think this is the first angst thing i wrote that im actually happy with and i know terushima isn’t someone a lot of ppl write for so to the few ppl who see this</3 hope u guys enjoy:”)

“Ughh where is it,” Terushima grumbled to himself as he pulled open drawer after drawer. He had searched all the cabinets, all the tables, and just about every inch of his apartment but has yet to find his phone charger. 

As he closed the second to last drawer on this shelf, which held no phone charger, he pulled out his phone and saw it had 1% battery remaining. Quickly, he unlocked it and went to his contacts. Before he could make a call though, the screen turned black and he was left staring at a faint reflection of himself.

“Damn it,” he cursed under his breath. “She’s gonna get upset again.”

He clutched the now dead phone in one hand and ran the other through his hair, sighing in exhaustion. Today had been tiring enough with work and now he had this to deal with.

There was still one more drawer he hadn’t checked though. So, he lifted his hand out of his hair and pulled it wide open. 

In it sat a small box. 

He knew of its contents the moment he laid eyes on it. He also knew opening it now would only make him feel worse, not to mention, it would definitely delay his plans.

But for some reason, a longing for nostalgia or maybe the person that brought such nostalgia, his arms unconsciously moved to take the box into his hands.

Your words echoed in the back of his mind as he traced his fingers along the edges of the box.

“It’ll be like our little time capsule. For us to open when we’re all old and wrinkly…”

A deep sigh escaped his lips. 

Every rational thought that came into his head begged him not to open it, to put it back, to forget he even found it. 

Instead, his fingers moved to lift the cover and lay it down on the floor beside him.

And there you were... a polaroid of you at least. 

Your lips were curved in a sweet smile inviting him in and breaking his heart all over again. Up until now, he could barely recall what your face looked like when you were happy, truly happy. He could only remember the tears and regret you had on your face towards the end… 

But seeing you like this again, the wideness of your smile, the crinkle of your eyes… you radiated a joy and happiness he had begun to forget in you.

He stared at the picture for a good minute before turning it around to see the familiar strokes of your handwriting.

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!’ and under it ‘(first pic taken with the polaroid my baby Yuuji got for me<3)’

“My baby Yuuji,” he whispered.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you,” he sang softly into your ear as he held you from behind, swaying gently in tune. 

“Happy birthday dear Y/n.. Happy birthday to you~”

You turned to kiss the blond and he pulled you even closer to him. 

“I love you babe, happy birthday...” 

The tiredness he had felt just moments ago seemed to have fluttered away when he found you again in the polaroids, and a longing burst from the depths as he put the picture down and picked up another one, his hands once again moving on their own will.

This one had the two of you standing together, backs facing the camera. It was taken at a beach when the sun was still high in the sky and the water glistened blue. But it wasn’t the scenery that appealed to him, nor was it the way the sun wrapped around you two in perfect golden light. 

It was how close you were to him. The physical distance between you two was barely existent. Your arms were wrapped around his waist and his were draped over your shoulders. 

‘Sea breeze, cute outfit, sand between my toes, and 1 Terushima Yuuji… Damn was today great.’

How he would give to be that close to you again.

“Ok 3, 2, 1…”

You clung on to him as tight as you could and he smiled, pulling you closer. 

At the sound of the camera click and the hum of the photo being printed, you let go and quickly turned around to thank the woman for taking the picture.

When you did that he felt off; as if a part of his body was just yanked away. It wasn’t an extreme feeling, nor was it painful in any way. It was more just a lingering emptiness that was put to rest a few seconds later when you were back by his side again.

He put his arm back on your shoulder and peered down at the polaroid in your hand. You were staring at the photo patiently waiting for the colors to fade in. And when it finally did, you smiled satisfactorily at it before tucking it away and flashing another smile to the man right next to you.

Terushima closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to clear his mind. It’s been years, he shouldn’t be dwelling on the past like this.

And yet, there was comfort in the pain the memories brought.

When he opened his eyes, they landed on yet another photo of you. And as he has been for a good part of his life, he was drawn to you. Reaching out a hand, he picked it up and let the memories wash over him once more.

After a while, he set it down and picked up another. And another. And another. Each capturing a moment with you he would never get back. 

It’s been years since he’s had to learn to live without you. Truthfully though, he never did learn how. The sun became a little dimmer, the rain a little harder, the breeze a little less refreshing. The world lost its vibrancy when he lost you. He adapted, got used to the dullness, but he couldn’t learn to live the same anymore...

He picked up another polaroid.

This one didn’t have either of your faces on it. It just showed the two of you holding hands against a dark background.

The bottom held no words but instead an arrow pointing to the right. Terushima turned the polaroid and saw a small envelope attached to the back. Curious, he opened it up and pulled out the piece of paper snuggled inside.

‘This one’s a bit longer than any other note I’ve written for a polaroid but… I kinda just realized smth really important. He drove me out at 3AM in the morning to get food because I said I was hungry. Then we sat in his car listening to some old mixtapes he had. They were pretty crappy but it didn’t matter. I love Terushima Yuuji. I’ve said it a million times before but last night it really hit me, hard. I love him in a way I’d never be able to love anyone else. 

I want to go on more dates with him. more stupid dates, more romantic ones, more 3AM dates, more cuddle dates. And even though it might be selfish of me, I want to spend my every breathing minute with him. 

If I can’t have anything else in this then I just want these golden days of ours to last forever..’

And before he realized it, tears were rolling down his cheeks. Fuck it all. He missed you. He missed the days you had together, the nights spent in each others’ arms. He missed you so much it tore a hole in his heart and all he could see when he looked at the sunlight drifting through the window was just darkness. 

It pained him to know that everything you wanted was all he ever needed. It pained him that he hadn’t realized this until it was too late. And it pained him most that you were never coming back.

Why’d you have to leave? 

He tried so hard to stop asking this question, and for a while, he was successful. But the polaroids, your handwriting, the memories, you.. there was just so much pain in the happiness of the past. 

But you were gone. He had accepted that long ago. 

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“Terushima, you in here?” a familiar voice called from outside. 

Right, he forgot about Misaki. Wiping any tears left on his face, he put all the polaroids back in the box, covered the lid, and left the room.

“DADDY!!” a little girl yelled, running at him full speed. He bent down and lifted her into his arms effortlessly.

“Oh you’ve gotten heavier. How much has Misaki been feeding you huh?” he teased.

The little girl pouted as she pointed to the floor signaling she wanted to be put down. Terushima chuckled and did so.

Walking over to a slightly annoyed-looking Misaki, he muttered an apology for not going to pick her up and a thanks for taking care of his daughter. 

“Hey wait, you look like you’ve been crying… Are you ok Teru?” she asked, eyes showing her concern.

He let out a deep sigh. 

“I uh- I found a box with some old pictures of Y/n and I just-”

She put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. 

“Look, I know you miss her and I know you know this, but don’t get too stuck in the past. Focus on what you have now,” she said looking in the direction of the young girl who had made her way over to the small pile of stuffed animals on the couch.

He rubbed his face and nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, thank you Misaki.”

“Ok,” she replied with a sympathetic smile. “I’ll be going then.” 

Terushima nodded again and after she said bye to his daughter, he walked her to the door.

Turning back he leaned on the wall and looked affectionately at the girl playing on his couch. She was still so young, but it’s been almost 5 years now that he’s taken care of her. 

Time seemed to fly by with her and yet it felt like so long ago he welcomed her to the world. 

He understood now the past and its memories were something to be treasured. It was not something to cling on tightly though. The golden days of the past are gone, but the glittering rays that coated the floor and walls of his living room tell him it’s a new age. 

It was an age he had to cherish well.

Deciding to do something he’s been putting off, he walked back into his room and brought out the box with all its polaroids and memories.

“Yui, come here. I want to show you something.”

She stared at him before taking one frayed teddy bear into her hands and walking over to her father. Taking his outreached hand, she looked at the box he held in his other.

Sitting at the top of the pile was a photo of a beautiful woman. The sun was shining bright in the background and the light swirled around her as if she was wrapped in a golden halo.

“Is she an angel?” Yui asked innocently, pointing to the picture.

“You got that right,” he replied with a sad smile. “She’s the most beautiful angel out there..”

He watched as the young girl picked up the photo, seemingly mesmerized.

“That angel is your mom.”

“My mom?” she echoed. “Mommy is an angel?”

He smiled and ruffled her hair, “She sure is, and you know what? She’s looking out for us from heaven, so you better be a good girl for her, okay?”

✰✰ NOTE.. pls lemme know if u guys thought this was angsty enough sdkjlsdg,,,, i dunno i can’t seem to tell whether angst is painful enough yet;-; also don’t mind the name yui dkglsd it was the first one i could think of T-T

✰✰✰ TAGLIST.. @lilikags @luna-in-luv​ @kureyama​

[myhockeyworld87]

Ruined - Jamie Benn - Part 7

Word Count: 6,020

POV: Reader

Warnings: Language, NSFW, Smut

Notes: We’re getting closer to the end. Just one more part left to go. This has been such a fun series to write for you guys. Hope you enjoy these last two little bits. As always I love your feedback, your reblogs, your tags and your likes! Happy Reading!!!

MASTERLIST

Sidenote: Also (Y/NN) = Your Nickname (Y/LN) = Your Last Name

You weren't sure what time it was, all you knew is that moonlight was streaming through the windows, which meant the storm must have passed. The one thing you did know was why you woke up. It would actually be quite comical if it wasn't giving you such intense pleasure. You were curled into Jamie's side, his cock now hard inside you. Every so often his hips would flex into yours, hitting the spot you loved so well, which is what jolted you awake. At first, you thought he was purposely trying to wake you up with how he softly rocked into you, but then you heard his light snore and realized he was asleep, which is what made the whole thing laughable. "Mmm," Jamie moaned out, as his cock moved deeper into your core. His facial features were so relaxed, that you knew he had to be dreaming as he fucked you in his sleep.

 You dropped soft kisses to his chest, in hopes of waking him gently, yet they worked to no avail. Part of you was curious how long this would keep up before he would either spend inside you or wake up, though there was the other part that was too turned on to wait and see how it would end. Your unsated appetite won out finally, and you reached up to capture his lips. His mouth was slightly parted in sleep, so it was easy to dip your tongue inside and tangle with his. At first, his eyes remained closed, as he kissed you back and you were having trouble determining whether he was awake or not, but then they slowly opened as you pulled back from the kiss; his lips chasing yours. You watched the whole scenario play out across his face, his mind slowly coming into focus and realizing that you were in his bed, to the look of pleasure from being buried deep inside you, to utter shock that he was fucking you without any conscious thought. "Jesus," he hissed out, then went to pull out of you, only you locked your leg around him and pulled him closer to your body.

 "Don't stop, Jame."

 "I..um…" he was still in a brain fog, his body running on pure instinct at the moment as he thrust in and out of your aching pussy. You kissed him again, halting any words that he wanted to say. You knew just how close he was to cuming, as he'd worked himself into a frenzy even in sleep, but you weren't quite there yet. Jamie somehow sensed this. Running his hand between your bodies so that he could toy with your clit.

 It was your turn to moan with pleasure, as he rubbed your little nub back and forth. It didn't take long to get you to that edge, the one that would have you soaring and screaming out his name. Your pussy started to quiver as the orgasm hit, and with a few well-timed thrusts, Jamie was following you down that blissful path of ecstasy.  

 You both lay there panting, his eyes searching yours curious to your reaction of what just played out. "Did we just? Was I..?"

 "Yes, and yes, you were asleep," you laughed.

 "Oh my god, I thought I was dreaming."

 "Well, I don't have to guess what it was about." There was a teasing note to your voice, which made Jamie relax a bit. "I'm just hoping it was me that was in that dream."

 His face took on an all too serious look and you regretted the words you just jokingly said. "It's always you, (Y/N). It's always been you, though I'm glad it's now a reality."

 "Me too, Jame," you breathed out and you really were glad that this right now was your reality. Emma had been right, you needed to find out if your girlhood fantasies of your first time had been just that or if it really was everything. Now you knew for sure that it was everything and so much more. The only scary part was hoping Jamie wouldn't hurt you again. You pushed past the part of your brain that wanted to dwell on that thought and tried to focus on the here and now. "What time is it?'

 "Um…" he peeked his head above you to look at your side of the bed, where you assumed a clock was. "Just after one."

 "Mmm, good. Then let's go back to sleep."

 His lips came down to give you the sweetest kiss. "I'll try to keep my lustful dreams under control and not wake you up." There was a little smirk on Jamie's face and you were glad he was finally able to laugh about his little wet dream turned reality.

 "Hmm, I'm not opposed if it happens again."

 His eyebrows shot up, before you kissed him one more time, then snuggled back into his embrace. You were asleep within minutes.

 This time you weren't woken up by Jamie and his hard cock inside you. Instead, it was the light from the bright shining sun. You checked the time for even though you didn't have to be in the office until later today, you didn't want to get too carried away with Jamie and end up being late. Thankfully, it was only seven, which meant you had plenty of time for what you had planned. You looked over at Jamie, peacefully sleeping, though still in a state of arousal and you wondered if he was having that same dream from before, as his cock was pressed up against his stomach. You wet your lips, before pulling back the sheet farther so you could dip your head down to his erect member.

 Darting your tongue out, you licked up the length of his shaft before twirling it around the head. Jamie moaned out in pleasure, his body coming alive with just that brief contact. Your hand went to the base, as your mouth sunk down to devour his cock. Jamie's hand threaded into your locks and now you knew he was fully awake as you worked him in and out of your mouth. You peeked through your lashes to look up at his face, his pupils blown wide both from sleep and the things you were doing to him with your mouth. "Mmm, fuck baby that feels so good." You pressed your tongue against the underside of his cock, a move he'd always loved when he was younger and apparently still did, as he bucked his hips into your mouth. You worked faster, bobbing up and down on his member, taking him all the way inside so he's hitting the back of your throat. "(Y/N), I'm gonna…" he groaned and you knew he was close, you could feel it. His hands were trying to get you off his cock, but you want to taste him, feel him lose control because of what you were doing just the way he did to you last night. It's when you cupped his balls that he went over the edge, spurts of hot cum shooting down your throat as he screamed out your name. You licked him clean, before taking the back of your hand and wiping your mouth.

 Jamie's was already reaching for you before you could do anything more. He had your body sprawled on top of his, and his mouth was kissing you, probably tasting himself on your lips. "I'm never going to let you leave if you keep waking me up like this."

 You kissed him back hard, before pulling back to stare into his large brown eyes. "Sorry hun, I've got patients today, so you have to let me go." Jamie's hands were roaming up and down your spine and you felt yourself melting back into him, which can't happen because you do have patients to see today, though not that many.

 He cupped your ass, squeezing the globes and making you moan. "I can be your patient if you want."

 "Oh, so you want to play doctor huh?" you asked resting your head on your hands which were laced together on his chest.

 "Mmm," he hummed. There's a little smirk that crosses his face and you can see he's intrigued with the idea. To tell the truth, so are you, but not this morning. Your legs are a bit sore from their workout last night and you still need to get to Jessi's to get your things. Reluctantly, you lift yourself off of Jamie and out of bed. "Where are you going?"

 "To the bathroom," you say rather sheepishly and pad your way into the en suite. Jamie stayed in bed and you know he's hoping that you'll be back for round three or does giving him a blow job make it round four. Either way, if you get back in that bed you may not get out, because being with him is everything you knew it would be and so much more, and that scares the hell out of you. This is all moving much faster than you anticipated but is that a bad thing. It's just so much easier because there's this familiarity between the two of you. You're trying not to overthink everything as you wash your hands in the sink, it's only then that you look up and see yourself in the mirror. "Jamie Randolph Benn!" you yelled.

 Jamie came running from the bedroom, naked and out of breath. "Are you ok?..."Did you fall?" he asked because you never called him by his full name, well maybe one time when you were really mad you did and you're pretty close to being that upset at the moment.

 "No, I'm not ok…" you told him motioning to your reflection in the mirror. "Did you..are these…" you're sputtering your words because really you're not sure what to say.

 "Hickies?" He supplies the word you couldn't seem to push past your lips. There's a smirk on his face and he looks quite pleased with himself, but he's also a bit red in the face at leaving marks on your body. God, that hasn't happened since you were in high school.

 "How am I suppose to go to work with these?" Your hands are trying to rub them out, get some sort of circulation so that the blood will flow a little better, and lessen the marks, but you know they're not going to go away magically. "What are my patients going to think?"

 "That you made someone very happy last night and that maybe he did the same for you?" Jamie slides his arms around your midsection in an attempt to soften you. You're not truly mad, so you relax against his chest, as he props his chin in the crook of your neck.

 "Well, that's true." There's this shy smile playing on his lips again and you have the urge to kiss him senseless, but then you'll end up with more of these marks on your body and you can't have that, there's already three that you're going to need to cover with makeup, plus another that you can hide under clothing. Thank god, for good concealer. "Last night was actually amazing." You thread your hands with his around your middle, loving the feel of his arms wrapped around you.

 "Then why don't we go continue it this morning." His cock has recovered from earlier as you feel its semi-erect form pressing against your backside. He's kissing your neck and then your shoulder blade and the image in the mirror of the two of you like this is making you wet again.

 "Nope," you say, then pull out of his arms, but he's already grabbing you back towards him. You go easily. "I need to shower, Jame. I'm a sticky mess, and I need to go to Jessi's and get my stuff."

 "You could shower here, with me." He's back to kissing you again and it's so distracting. "It would save on water." He kisses your collarbone. "And it would be faster." Your lips are next and you're beginning to cave, as he dances you back against the sink counter.

 "Ok," you finally give in, knowing that you have plenty of time, but not for the three-hour session you can tell Jamie has in mind. "But we have to be quick."

 "Mmhmm, sure," he tells you, before lifting you up on the counter and spreading your legs. "Just let me get you a sticky mess one more time before we rinse all this off." He winks and drops down to his knees before diving right into your pussy. Before you know it, you're coming apart sitting on his bathroom sink and then again one more time when you're in the shower, which was supposed to save time, but instead takes twice as long then if you were by yourself.

 "Jame, where's a brush?" you ask after he toweled you off, and was now drying himself.

 "Right-hand side."

 You're brushing your hair and you swear you hear something downstairs but you know Jamie locked the doors, so you must be hearing things. It's not ten seconds later, that you hear someone shouting for Jamie. "Hey, Chubbs!" A voice yells and you look at Jamie through the mirror to see if he knows who it is.

 "Shit! I forgot Tyler and I were supposed to work out." Flying back into the bedroom, you start searching for Jamie's sweats that you had on last night. "Be right down Segs," Jamie screams back. He's much calmer than you are, as you whip his sweatshirt over your head.

 "Where did you throw my panties?" He shrugs as he puts his boxers on as casual as if there isn't one of his teammates downstairs waiting for him. "Nevermind. I'll find them later." You grab the sweats and pull them on.

 "Mmm, commando huh?" You shake your head and roll your eyes at him, all while throwing your wet hair in a messy bun.

 "Would you go down there before he comes up here?"

 "He's not going to come up here. It's Tyler. He knows better than that." Which means he knows Jamie has a woman up here, so there's no way of getting out of Jamie's place without Tyler seeing you.

 "Just go, I'll be down in a second."

 Jamie comes up behind you, grabbing you quickly and kissing you. "Stop worrying about Tyler," he tells you when he finally ends the kiss because he knows you and knows that you just feel like you were caught by your parents instead of one of his friends. "I'll see you in a few seconds." You went back to the bathroom, to make yourself a bit more presentable, so you didn't hear the interaction between the two.

 Tyler was at the bottom of the stairs when Jamie got there. "What took you so long man? You got someone up there?" Jamie answered with a broad-ass grin that gave him away, without him even saying a word. "No shit! It's (Y/N) right?"

 "Of course, it's (Y/N). You know there's no one else for me." Tyler knew this but needed verbal confirmation from his best friend, before slapping him on the back.

 "Congrats bud, I don't know how you did it."

 "Fuck man me either." You chose that moment to head down the stairs.

 Jamie has his back to you, so it was Tyler that saw you first. "Hey Doc," he greeted you, with a little wink and your cheeks felt like they were on fire. You could see him take in your attire and the fact that you were wearing Jamie's clothes, which told him you'd spent the night, even though he didn't need to see your outfit to know that.

 "Hi Segs," you said using the nickname Jamie had used moments ago.

 "So…you kids have fun last night," he teased and now it just wasn't your cheeks that were turning bright red but Jamie's as well.

 "Shut up," Jamie told him, as he curled you into his side.

 "What? I was just asking. You know trying to be polite and all." No, he was fishing for information and you were not going to bite on that hook and supply it to him.

 "I really have to go." You told the two.

 "I'll grab my keys and run you over."

 "Jesus, Chubbs she only lives two doors down. I think she can make it there without you driving her."

 "Hardy har," Jamie faked chuckled. "I need to take her to Jessi's to get her purse, asshole." Tyler's face formed an 'O' comprehending why Jamie was offering to drive you.

 "It's ok. I can just run into my house and get my spare set of keys. You boys go workout." You made a move out of Jamie's embrace but he tightened his grip, pulling you so that your body was facing his.

 "You sure?"

 "Yeah, it's no biggie. I need to change and stuff anyway. I'll just stop on my way to the office."

 "I could take you now though if you want." Jamie insisted and you knew he was reluctant to let you go, probably scared that you wouldn't come back.

 "Jame, it's fine."

 "Yeah, Jame," Tyler mocked. "She's fine. You can watch her from the front porch while I make the protein shakes. I mean someone has to make them." Jamie glared at him.

 "You're lucky I'm in a good mood, or I'd kick your ass when we get on the ice."

 Tyler made a pretend scared face. "Oh, look at me shaking." He headed towards the kitchen and you had a feeling Jamie was going to check him into the boards hard during drills for that. "See ya tomorrow, doc."

 "Bye Tyler," you called then headed for the front door. "Why will I see him tomorrow?"

 "Oh, annual team picnic. I thought I told you."

 "You did, it slipped my mind." You probably would've remembered the minute you checked your schedule on your phone, which you needed to get. "What do you want me to bring?"

 "I want your cake," Tyler yelled from the room over and you heard him snicker.

 "You're not getting her cake," Jamie emphasized the word her and you realized they were no longer talking about the chocolate cake you took to Jordie and Jessi's. You buried your head in Jamie's chest.

 Tyler couldn't resist egging Jamie on. "But it's so sweet and moist and…"

 "I swear to god, Seguin, if you finish that sentence, you'll regret it." You tugged on Jamie's arm and headed toward the front door, hearing Tyler cackle as you made your way there.

 Jamie grudgingly opened the front door then for you to leave, stepping outside with you.

 "So, will I see you later tonight?" His hands were at your sides, sliding up and down under your shirt so he could feel your skin once last time.

 "I think that can be arranged. I'm thinking pizza, maybe a movie, maybe a little something else." You knew you were teasing him but then again after last night, it was going to be torture for you as well.

 "Sounds like heaven. My place or yours?"

 "Your place, there are still boxes everywhere in my house." It wasn't quite perfect yet, and it seemed like it wouldn't be for quite some time with how much you were over at Jamie's now. "I'll call you on my way home."

 "Ok." He pulled you closer to him, dropping kisses to your forehead and nose before, stealing your breath away with one to your lips. Thank goodness you both lived in a secluded neighborhood, and there weren't cars driving by watching this public display of affection.

 You ended the kiss sooner than either of you wanted. "I really have to go."

 "I know. I'll see you soon." He pecked your lips again, as you took a step back from his embrace, yet not completely out of it. "Tell Jessi I said hi."

 "I will." You gave him just one more kiss. "See you tonight." You started to walk away, your hands still laced until they were stretched so far you had no choice but to let go, only Jamie pulled you back one last time, his mouth hot on yours.

 "Bye baby," he finally breathed out and let you go. You could feel his heated gaze on you across the expanse of the lawn as you headed back to your house. This time you punched in the right code, opened the door and gave Jamie one last wave before heading inside.

 You threw on some makeup and then headed to Jessi's, where you knew that it would take longer than fifteen minutes, as she wanted to know exactly what happened with you and Jamie. Needless to say, she was ecstatic that the two of you were willing to give your relationship another chance. After an hour with Jessi, you took off for the office, telling her you'd see her tomorrow at Jamie's house for the Star's picnic.

 Fortunately, work went extremely fast and before you knew it, you were seeing your last patient for the day. After making a few last minutes notes, you headed to the hospital. Another doctor had done morning rounds, but since you were in the vicinity you decided to check up on some patients, including Noah. He was your first stop and you could hear laughter coming from his room, as you reached the nurse's station. "Someone sounds like they're in a good mood today." You commented to Shelly, one of the nurses that day.

 "Noah has a special visitor today." Laughter again filled the air, only this time you recognized more than just Noah's. "One of the big-name hockey players is there. You probably know him, or will soon enough." Oh, you knew him alright, had actually just left him earlier this morning. "I'm having a hard time keeping the other nurses out of Noah's room. I don't know how you do it being around all those gorgeous men."

 You gave her a little wink, as you headed to Noah's room. "It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it." Shelly was right, there were three other nurses in Noah's room watching him play a video game with Jamie. "Well, someone seems to be doing pretty well today." It was kind of funny to watch the nurses scramble out of the room as if they'd been caught drooling over a hockey star.

 "Hi, Dr. (Y/LN)," Noah said with a huge smile on his face. "Look who came to see me. It's Jamie Benn, the Jamie Benn. You know from the Dallas Stars." He was rambling and it was really quite cute, but what was even more adorable was seeing Jamie sitting there having a blast with him.

 "I see that. Hello Mr. Benn. I'm surprised to see you here."

 "Hey (Y/N)…I mean Dr. (Y/LN). Thought I'd stop by and visit one of the Stars' biggest fans." Jamie winked at you and your heart melted that he would be so considerate to drop by and spend time with Noah.

 "Jamie brought me a signed jersey and a puck, oh and the latest Xbox system too." Had you not already consigned yourself to giving your relationship with Jamie another chance, this alone would make you do it. The man knew the way to your heart. He could buy you all the flowers in Dallas and they would mean nothing compared to what he'd just done to brighten this little boy's day. "Oh, and he said when I get out of here, I can watch him play. Like, go to a real game and everything."

 "Only when Dr. (Y/N) gives you the ok," Jamie added, scoring yet another point in his favor. At this rate, he'd be the Conn Smythe trophy winner of your heart in no time.

 "Well, if you keep healing as well as you are, you'll be at that game in no time. Now, do you have a minute so I can check you out, and then I'll let you get back to that game." You examined him rather quickly, but everything seemed to be healing perfectly. Another week or so and he would be out of the hospital, though it would be quite a bit longer before he was heading to a hockey game. "Alright, well I'll check back in with you on Monday. Now, make sure you don't go easy here on Mr. Benn."

 "I won't. See you soon."

 You stepped out of the hospital room, only to hear Jamie tell Noah he'd be back in a minute. "Hey (Y/N), we still on for tonight?"

 "Of course," you told him; how could you not be after everything he did for Noah. "Jame, I…I don't know how to thank you for everything you did for him. That was…" You felt yourself getting choked up. Last night, you told him that you were willing to give him a shot and now today you wanted to jump in with both feet first, because damn if you didn't feel like you were falling in love with him.

 "It's really nothing. I honestly didn't think you'd be here." Did he think that you wouldn't find out? If so that made you just love him a little more. "He's a good kid, and it was a sucky thing that happened to him. You're the one who did all the hard stuff."

 "Don't discredit what you did. It means a lot." He slid his hands to your waist then, yet stopped for fear you'd not approve. Instead of reprimanding him though, you looped your arms around his neck. "And I plan on showing you just how grateful I am when I get to your place."

 His eyebrows picked up, making his eyes like huge silver dollars. "Well, I won't argue with that." You kissed him quickly there in the hospital hallway before you could change your mind and you knew that not only Shelly, but the other three nurses had to see you, but you didn't really care.

 "I've got a few more patients to see then I'm heading out. See you soon."

 "Yeah, I'm just going to play one more game, then I'm going too." Pulling him down, you pecked his lips one last time, before letting him go. "I'll see you at home, babe." He released you then headed back into Noah's room, as you made your way down the hall to stares from all the nurses. You simply shrugged then kept on going until you were at the next patient's room.

 Two hours later, you were standing on Jamie's front porch ringing the doorbell. "I thought I said to just come in, the door would be unlocked," he told you as he opened the front door, yet made no move to let you in.

 "I know you did, but it…" you didn't finish the rest as Jamie's hands slid down the globes of your ass to grab it. "Jame," you shrieked and jumped into his arms exactly as he planned. He lifted you so that you had no choice but to wrap your legs around him, then he kicked the door closed.

 "I missed you," he told you before his lips found yours and he carried you into the living room.

 "You just saw me a couple hours ago."

 "Mmm…doesn't mean I can't miss you." He was kissing you again as he sat down on the couch and really who were you to complain about it when you'd been missing him as well. Which is how you found yourself kissing him back. It was a half-hour before Jamie's stomach decided that food took precedence over making out. You ordered pizza just as you promised Jamie that morning, then put on a movie, which ended up being background noise as neither of you could keep your hands off the other. It was just like being back in high school all over again. Only this time, there was no one to interrupt you, as Jamie led you upstairs to his bedroom, where you spent the rest of the night and the next morning in a mess of naked bodies and tangled limbs.

 It wasn't until late in the morning that you finally headed back to your house to get ready for the picnic. Jamie had called you three times, while you got ready asking when you'd be back over, but you didn't want it to seem like you'd been there all day and all night, even though you had, so you waited until a few teammates had shown up before heading over. There were actually more people there than you thought, and you had a hard time finding Jamie when you first got there.

 Jessi spotted you first. "Hey (Y/N)," she said embracing you in a big hug. "I'm actually surprised you weren't here when I came."

 "Thought I'd let a few people get here before, so it didn't look too bad."

 "If you're worried about his teammates, don't. They're all really great." She must have sensed there was something more, because she added, "And they won't care that you're dating. Actually, they'll all probably be as excited as I am for you two."

 Her words made heat rise to your face. "I'm just worried being the team doctor and all. Plus, I don't even know if we are dating. We haven't really talked about it."

 "Oh, you're dating. He practically said as much when I asked him."

 "When did you talk to him?" You had to know since Jamie hadn't said anything to you and the two of you had spent the last sixteen hours together.

 "When I came here early, hoping that you'd be here and I could drill you both together." Jessi was grinning ear to ear though you knew behind that smile she was dying to play twenty questions with you and Jamie together. You'd have to ask how Jamie faired on his own. "The man is smitten with you, (Y/N). I've known him for a long time and I haven't seen him this happy…ever." It had honestly been a long time since you'd been this happy as well. She grabbed you in a hug then whispered to you. "Stop worrying. Jamie's not going to do anything to screw this up. Trust me." Strangely, you did trust her and would definitely miss her when she headed off to Vancouver.

 "Thank you."

 "And quit worrying about the team. They all love you and it's not like there's some rule against them dating anyone in the organization. I know for a fact Tyler's dated one if not two of the ice girls, before what's her name." Why did that not surprise you. Jessi looped her arm through yours then. "Now, let's go find a drink. I feel like drinking tonight." Which is exactly what the two of you did. The shot of tequila Jessi made you do at first, definitely had you relaxing a bit more. You met almost all of the guys; who were all incredibly sweet as were most of their significant others. The only reason you said most was because Sara was there with Caitlyn in tow. Their disdain for you was quite obvious, as you saw them whispering anytime Jamie was around you.

 Jamie, for his part, kept things at a lower key, thank goodness. His touches were subtle, just a hand at the small of your back every now and then, or entwining your fingers together every so often when he thought you needed a small reassurance with one of his teammates. Just those tiny gestures sent chills up and down your spine. Though you both kept the PDA to a minimum, Jamie was still attentive, always making sure that you had a drink in your hand or something to eat.

 The party was in full swing within a few hours of starting. You made your way to the downstairs powder room, only to see one of the younger players, Hintz you thought, push through people to get there first. You didn't need to have the letters MD behind your name to know that he'd had one too many shots and was currently throwing up the contents of the barbeque as well as the alcohol he'd drank into Jamie's toilet. Hopefully, the kid had good aim, as you did not want to be cleaning up that mess later, for though you'd taken an oath to treat the sick it did not include wiping up puke from the bathroom floor. Giving him an IV full of fluids in the morning was more your speed.

 You turned on your heel and headed upstairs to Jamie's en suite. The second floor was much quieter than the downstairs as no one seemed to be venturing up there. You were just heading out of the bedroom when you heard voices outside the door.

 "I'm not really sure why you dragged me here to this party Sara." You'd recognize Caitlyn's whiny voice anywhere.

 "I thought you were interested in Jamie."

 "I am…I mean I was…but he's not even paying attention to me." You could almost see her arms crossed as she pouted even though you were on the other side of the door. "Who cares. Everyone knows that he doesn't eat pussy. He's probably lousy in bed." You clamped your hand over your mouth to stifle the laugh that threatened to bubble out. Jamie most definitely went down on women, in fact, it was just this morning that he had eaten you out not once but twice.

 You should've made yourself known, but instead, you listened as you heard Tyler's girlfriend respond. "That was just some silly tweet from years ago. He's probably changed since then."

 "It doesn't really matter either way. He seems to only be paying any attention to that doctor." She fairly spat the word doctor out as if it had some disgusting taste on her tongue.

  "I'm telling you Tyler told me himself that Jamie is just using her." Wait, what had Sara just said? That Jamie was using you? "Jamie told him yesterday that he's just pretending to be into her so that he can get her fired. He even went to the owner to talk to him about it." Bile rose in the back of your throat and suddenly you wanted to join Hintz in offering up the contents of your stomach. Was Jamie really just using you again? Had the last forty-eight hours all been some elaborate scheme just to get you out of the Stars organization? Jessi had mentioned earlier that there weren't any rules against dating but maybe she'd been wrong. "He told Tyler that he was just going to do what he did in high school to get rid of her." Well, he'd certainly done that, only this time he'd slept with you more than once before discarding you. How could you have been so blind to trust him again?

 "Really?" It was Caitlyn's question but the word was also running through your brain. Would Jamie really do this?

 "Yes, really! Now come on, let's go back downstairs so you can flirt with Jamie." With a click of their heels, the two set off.

 Tears started to roll down your face, just as they had all those years ago. Only this time you angrily swiped them away. You tried to tell yourself that it didn't hurt, that you'd guarded your heart against a moment just like this, but as the tears seemed to keep flowing you had to admit that it felt just as bad at this moment as it did fourteen years ago. Wrong again. It felt worse. For somehow in just this short amount of time, you'd let your heart get attached once again. You needed to get out of here. You couldn't be in this house any longer. Everything was a blur as you flew down the stairs and out the front door. You didn't stop for anyone or anything as you headed for the safety of your home.

.