#how have i not talked about books for 7 months jfc

[robotsandramblings]

ok WOW, [i know not many of you care lol but] it’s been a LONG time since i posted some book reviews!! i just love talking about what i’ve been reading lol. so here’s a catch-up from the last 7 months! titles & ratings below, reviews under the readmore :)

( and as always, send me your thoughts and recommendations!! what awesome books did YOU read this year?? :D )

Eye of the Needle by Ken Follett -- 4/5

Nothing To Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick -- 4/5

Pyongyang: A Journey in North Korea by Guy Delisle -- 3/5

The Girl With Seven Names by Hyeonseo Lee -- 4/5

Escape From Camp 14 by Blaine Harden -- 2.5/5

In Order To Live by Yeonmi Park -- 4/5

Shenzhen: A Travelogue From China by Guy Delisle -- 2.5/5

Burma Chronicles by Guy Delisle -- 3/5

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls -- 3/5

Dawn and Day by Elie Wiesel -- both 2/5

Fierce Kingdom by Gin Phillips -- 2/5

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah -- 3.5/5

Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari -- 3/5

Imagine: How Creativity Works by Jonah Lehrer -- 2/5

The Cleanest Race by B.R. Myers -- 1/5

Phasma by Delilah S. Dawson -- 3/5

On Hitler’s Mountain: Overcoming The Legacy of a Nazi Childhood by Irmgard Hunt -- 4/5

The Couple Next Door by Shari Lapena -- 3/5

Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman -- 3/5

while the above is a chronological list (oldest to newest), i’m going to reorder the reviews and group them together by theme

my faves  4/5 --

Eye of the Needle is an older-written Follett novel set in WWII, and just as amazing as his Century trilogy series. it’s moreso about mystery and espionage. His writing style is so smooth and flowing, you’ll breeze through the book despite it’s length. action-packed and captivating!

The Nightingale is another historical fiction book, one that’s woman-centric and focuses on their hardships and heroineism during WWII. It’s about two sisters living in German-occupied France, one who wants to help downed Allied pilots to safety, the other having a German soldier billeting at her house. It’s a long book, but the story is paced well and it never feels like it’s “dragging on”. Yes it’s got a bit of romance but it’s not an overwhelming focus, which I appreciated.

in that same vein, On Hitler’s Mountain is a non-fiction biography written by a woman who grew up in the town where Hitler’s Eagles Nest was located. It’s such an interesting read because it’s so rare that you hear  “the other side of the story” - what it’s like to grow up as a normal German citizen during Hitler’s rise to power, the Nazi regime, the war’s end, and the Allied occupation, plus the many years afterwards of guilt and shame. It’s a refreshing and amazing story and I highly recommend it!

I might as well add it here, even though I’m not done yet: currently reading Dan Brown’s new one Origin. As always, I love his books, his writing style, his story, his pacing, everything. so much mystery and connections and clues, this time revolving around our human origins and the dying of religion. loving it!!

the “good/ok” group  3/5 --

Phasma covers her story from when she was a young woman in a tribe on a barren planet to her recent ascension into power alongside Hux and Kylo Ren. It was an interesting story, but not mind-blowing or anything special. Bit disappointing since she’s my favourite character. I finally picked up

The Couple Next Door since it kept appearing on my reading radar. It’s a pretty good mystery thriller with lots of twists and turns. You think it’s solved midway and then BAM, more complications arise.

Norse Mythology is Gaiman’s modern and simplified retelling of popular Norse myths. If you’re a beginner to norse myth, this would be a good book. If you’re midlevel or well-read, it’s just a refresher lol.

my North Korean phase --

I’ve always been super fascinated with North Korea but didn’t really know much about it beyond media headlines. My favourite and most recommended of the bunch would definitely be Nothing To Envy, which covers the stories of 6 different defectors. The contrast between them is very interesting and their stories captivating. I would also recommend The Girl With Seven Names and In Order To Live - two different girls who defected, and endured terrible hardships in order to escape and reunite with their families. Their inspirational bravery alone is worth the read. Although I was neutral about Escape From Camp 14, I’d recommend you read it first because it offers a lot of background and historical info on North Korea, and will seem repetitive if you read it after other North Korean books. Or else, do Guy Delisle’s Pyongyang - it’s actually a graphic novel, so it’s an easy read and gives you a good idea of what visting North Korea in modern times looks like. (Skip The Cleanest Race altogether, it was terrible and too wordy, like the author was trying to impress you by using lots of big words and complex phrasing.)

speaking of Guy Delisle -- I love all his works!! they’re all graphic novels about his time spent in various cities. after reading Pyongyang, I read Shenzhen: A Travelogue from China, and then his Burma Chronicles. the Burma one was more interesting, imo. They’re fascinating regardless because I knew pratically nothing about either place before! plus they’re quick, easy reads, kinda funny too! nothing graphic or gory in the images, either.

other non-fiction works --

The Glass Castle is a really interesting biographical account of a girl growing up with quite the crazy family. It’s hard to put down because her family and her experiences are just so wild that you’re entirely captivated. Her family will also piss you right off at times.

Modern Romance is about how finding love has changed dramatically over the years with the advancement of technology (ie. texting/instant messaging, dating sites, etc). I thought, as a very single woman, this would be very insightful. It wasn’t really. It was interesting to read about all his research and findings, but it was nothing groundbreaking.

i don’t wike it  2/5 --

since I loved Elie Wiesel’s Night, I was hoping the same for Dawn and Day. they are two entirely different stories; fictional, I believe. I didn’t really understand them and they bored me, tbh.

Fierce Kingdom was heralded as like “such an amazing book” when it came out, and that’s bullshit. I didn’t think it was that great. Maybe because it’s a mother trying to protect her 4-yr-old and I couldn’t relate because I have no maternal instincts/desire??

Imagine is basically a research novel about creativity. I’d been after this book for years and finally found it in my library. What a letdown. All the controversey about author plagarizing aside, I still read the book and found it to be, ironically, lacking creativity - the research was presented in a very bland manner and didn’t engage my interest at all.

[gerrymike]

OK. commentary on my satg playlist. For reasons

lol it wont let me hyperlink but. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0w9pMZtOvP0plqdxT665q7?si=wEFnvdh3Rjaa0p2UX251mQ&dl_branch=1 Plug

1. PIEDMONT (DESTROY BOYS)

Looks like I'm late for the party Everyone knows the attire but me Glass walls separate us Catch a glimpse into different books On different shelves

i.e. teen crisis where u want desperately to live the same life as ppl on the street but also can’t imagine anything worse

2. SWEET ADELINE (ELLIOTT SMITH)

It's a picture-perfect evening and I'm staring down the sun Fully loaded, deaf and dumb and done Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head Or any situation where I'm better off than dead

i.e. she’s alive! is that worse or better. also jfc, you fucking hate hospitals

3. ALAMEDA (ELLIOTT SMITH)

You walk down Alameda  Shuffling your deck of trick cards over everyone Like some precious only son Face down, bow to the champion

also

Walk down Alameda  Brushing off the nightmares you wish Could plague me when I'm awake And now you see your first mistake  Was thinking that you could relate For one or two minutes she liked you But the fix is in

i.e. oops it’s two elliotts in a row, sorry. just. about the connection you can form with someone given just a short period of time, and how sometimes it gets ruined by, like, a werewolf. pretty similar to sweet adeline. mx weisglass gets two songs. plus “precious only son” 😬 “shuffling your deck of trick cards” 😬

4. CAN I PLAY WITH MADNESS (IRON MAIDEN)

Give me the sense to wonder To wonder if I'm free Give me a sense of wonder To know I can be me Give me the strength to hold my head up Spit back in their face

i.e. for Me mostly because i think the whiplash from elliott to maiden is kinda funny. also the gerry VS twisty animosity, in over-the-top wizardy terms. sometimes you are full of hate and that’s OK 😬 

5. ICU (PHOEBE BRIDGERS)

If you're a work of art I'm standing too close I can see the brush strokes I hate your mom I hate it when she opens her mouth It's amazing to me How much you can say When you don't know  What you're talking about

and

I'll climb through the window again But right now it feels good not to stand Then I'll leave it wide open Let the dystopian morning light pour in

i.e. we’re back in london…and, well, yeah. also, song title! we’re still in sacramento, actually, spiritually, at this point in the story

6. CRY FOR JUDAS (THE MOUNTAIN GOATS)

Feel the storm every night Hope it passes by Hallucinate a shady grove where Judas went to die Unfurl the black velvet altar cloth Draw a white chalk Baphomet Mistreat your altar boys long enough and this is what you get

i.e. crew. i think about him

7. IRIS (THE GOO GOO DOLLS)

And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight

plus

And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

i.e. OK. OK. OK. yeah, OK. damn right all you can taste is this moment…yeah OK. SONGS5

8. KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS (MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE)

It's been 8 bitter years since I've been seeing your face And you're walking away And I will die in this place

to

It's been 10 fucking years since I've been seeing your face round here And you're walking away And I will drown in the fear

i.e. ah…the lyrical differences in the chorus…yes…also i love how raucous this song is despite what it’s about. it’s got satg energy!!! “seeing your face”, of course, is not literal 😬

9. ENCHANTING GHOST (SUFJAN STEVENS)

Don't carry on carrying efforts, oh no, oh oh oh oh Somewhere there's a room for each of us to grow And if it pleases you to leave me, just go, oh oh oh oh Stopping you would stifle your enchanting ghost

and

Did you cut your hands on me? Are my edges sharp? Am I a pest to feed?

i.e. 😬😬😬

10. PAUL (BIG THIEF)

In the blossom of the months I was sure that I'd get driven off with thought So I swallowed all of it As I realized there was no one  Who could kiss away my shit

and PARTICULARLY

Well Paul, I know you said That you'd take me any way I came or went But I'll push you from my brain See, you're gentle baby I couldn't stay, I'd only bring you pain

i.e. HARROWING TERRITORY!!!

11. PITSELEH (ELLIOTT SMITH)

I'll tell you why I Don't wanna know where you are I gotta joke I've been dying to tell you

i.e. sorry. a lot of elliott smith on this playlist. thems the breaks

12. OPHELIA (THE LUMINEERS)

Oh, Ophelia You've been on my mind girl like a drug Oh, Ophelia Heaven help a fool who falls in love

i.e. callbacks to SONGS5…! and more pain

13. CLOUDS (BORNS)

I forget all my dreams I forget everyones name I meet I forget about time and space But I can't stop thinking 'bout your face

i.e. tfw your memory’s shit and also you just threw yourself into the sky and you’re still not over it. yowch!

14. ARCADE (DUNCAN LAWRENCE)

Oh, oh-oh-oh oh Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh All I know, all I know Loving you is a losing game

i.e. sorry i heard this song first in a c#tradora edit and i have never recovered.

15. WARS (OF MONSTERS AND MEN)

Yeah, I love you on the weekends But I'm careless and I'm wicked Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war I still have pieces of you stuck on me Pieces of you stuck on me Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war

i.e. PIECES OF YOU STUCK ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the only song of the new omam i’ve heard. i never got around to listening to it. but this one slaps

16. MONTERO (LIL NAS X)

Lookin' at the table, all I see is weed and white Baby, you livin' the life, but baby, you ain't livin' right Cocaine and drinkin' with your friends You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend

AND

A sign of the times every time that I speak A dime and a nine, it was mine every week What a time, an incline, God was shinin' on me Now I can't leave And now I'm actin' hella elite

AND ESPECIALLY

I want that jet lag from fuckin' and flyin'

i.e. God i love this song. re: avatarhood. YOU CAN’T LEAVE!!! not saying it’s like being a celebrity, but it’s like being a celebrity. dual perspectives here with G + his morality regarding the person he loves being, uh, evil? (you live in the dark / i cannot pretend) and M + debt he owes to his god, erosion of his own morals. also, SHEER F*CKING VIBES

17. GEYSER (MITSKI)

You're my number one You're the one I want And you've turned down Every hand that has beckoned me to come

i.e. love songs that serve double as to your god and to your lover

18. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE (BRUNO MARS)

Jump in the Cadillac (Girl, let's put some miles on it) Anything you want (Just to put a smile on it) You deserve it baby, you deserve it all

i.e. this song is here because i say so. a real “sorry it’s been seven years let me make it up to you” vibe

19. RUN AWAY WITH ME (SUFJAN STEVENS)

And I say, love Come run away with me Sweet, falling remedy Come run away with me

i.e. more grand ridiculous propositions. more to come. but they’re born out of a real frustration with the situation at hand! it sucks! also, “falling remedy”,

20. LET’S GET MARRIED (BLEACHERS)

I'm gonna get right for you, honey I'll take all of my medicine, spend you all my money, yeah I know it's hard enough to love me But I woke up in a safe house singing, "Honey, let's get married"

i.e. bro.

21. I WILL (MITSKI)

And while you sleep I'll be scared So by the time you wake I'll be brave

i.e. a lot of these here are self explanatory..

22. ME & MY DOG (BOYGENIUS)

I had a fever Until I met you Now you make me cool

also

I never said I'd be all right Just thought I could hold myself together But I couldn't breathe, I went outside Don't know why I thought it'd be any better I'm fine now, it doesn't matter

i.e. title is significant. and yeah. just. recovery’s tricky

23. I FOUND (AMBER RUN)

And I've moved further than I thought I could But I missed you more than I thought I would

i.e. this is like a staple song for like. basically. any pairing. but i’m pathetic and it gets me every time. there’s something about it. not sure if i’m going to leave it on this playlist but. hm. yeah

OK that’s a wrap. highly likely i’ll put more songs on this as i go

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Oh my gosh, mayaschuyler is my ao3 pseudonym! I'm so glad you liked it that series. I know we've never really interacted on here before, but your writing has been really inspirational to me so that's very high praise coming from you ❤️

Omg! You are still out here! This makes me so happy!

Sis, let me tell you, when the BP fandom first popped off, I was reading a lot of fics just to relive the iconic world like everyone else. During that time many writers were figuring out their voice and just literally basing their interpretations of the characters from what they saw in the movie. We all do this and that is normal. Everyone was all over Killmonger because, of course (lol!), and like I said before, I was searching for any N’Jobu content. I wanted to see someone write about the man and woman who created Erik Stevens before he became Killmonger. There was only passing commentary or maybe one sentence in a story about him and then zilch. No stories about Erik’s mother that felt real to me...just nada. I found one N’Jobu story where he was an actual member of the Black Panther Party in the 60s, and that only had one part. I think at that point I expanded my search and your stories popped up and the thing that caught my eye was the note you wrote in the beginning that made me laugh. It was something like “Erik talks like some dudes I knew” and “liberal use of the ‘N’ word.” There was a closing note that said “told you it was filthy” or something like that. So I tucked in. 

What made your story different from what I had read (and remember this was basically a month or two after the movie came out and while it was still in theaters. I saw that thing eight times! I knew we would never have that experience again. And Jfc, who knew I would be right?)...anyway, what made your writing different from all the Fuckboi Erik/Drug dealer Erik/ Rap star Erik/Porn star Erik/Trash boyfriend Erik/Baby Daddy Erik/College AU tropes that were developing---no shade, those are fun for me to read -- was that you humanized Erik in a way I hadn’t read at that time. Erik up until that point for me and from what I had read previous, had been pretty one dimensional. Just choke em, fuck em, cuss bitches out, start a fight and fuck more women with all this big dick energy. Your stories made Erik fully dimensional. He felt like a real dude. Just a regular college guy in a college AU, and Nakia was this melanin poppin’ dream girl that was just ethereal and out of reach for him. She was so much beautiful bad bitch energy and I loved that Erik wasn’t the center of the universe for her, and I loved how he just took to her.

So let me give you your roses now…

What your stories did was reinforce the idea in my head to write my “Black Boys Bloom Thorns First” series with intention. I wanted to make sure that if I jump into this fandom all the way, I wanted to write things that let us see all sides of Wakanda and the diaspora. It reminded me that villains are the heroes of their own stories, and no one got to see Killmonger or N’Jobu’s whole story. So I rolled my sleeves up and went to work. Now I’m like 7 books deep, and still have a ton of books to write after two years.

Thank you for writing. Thank you for posting up your work. Because of you showing me Erik and Nakia in a way that was slightly different and richer, it made me go into the fandom with a real sense of purpose to show folks that Black Panther fanfiction can be just as epic and sexy and BIG as any other fandom.

Black Panther fic writing has allowed me to indulge and play with my Blackness, delve into Black Diaspora history, and just be in a Black world of my own design. It was life-saving and made me go back to fiction writing in a fun way that I missed for so many years.

 Thank you thank you thank you…

I’m so glad you are in the world writing all the things!

(Now I don’t have to ask myself anymore, “Hmmm, I wonder what that Maya person is doing? I hope they are doing well in their life.”)

Jah bless you and yours!

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[tiffdawg]

50 Questions Tag

thank you for the tag @leo-moon !! this was really fun ☺️

1.) What color is your hairbrush?

teal but it’s basically defunct since quarantine.

2.) Name a food you never eat

i’m a big foodie but i’m also vegan so no animal products for me.

3.) Are you usually too warm or too cold?

I’m basically cold blooded so too cold.

4.) What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

taking a shower.

5.) What’s your favorite candy bar?

unreal pb cups (aka vegan resee’s).

6.) Have you ever been to a professional sports game?

all kinds. but the only sport i really enjoy watching is baseball.

7.) What’s the last thing you said out loud?

just me cooing nonsense at my dog about how cute she is. typical.

8.) What’s your favorite ice cream?

@ home: so delicious chocolate cookies n cream or the coconut milk chocolate ice cream from trader joe’s!

@ an ice cream shop in the real world: van leeuwen’s chocolate cookie dough crunch.

9.) What was the last thing you had to drink?

$5 chardonnay.

10.) Do you like your wallet?

yessss it’s a really cute bifold with black and white galaxies on it bc i am a space nerd. i’ve had it for at least 7 years now.

11.) What’s the last thing you ate?

lentil soup.

12.) Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

i haven’t been shopping for clothes in... months. i’m not leaving the house anytime soon so don’t need to lol.

13.) What’s the last sporting event you watched?

there are reruns of old baseball games on constant loop in my house.

14.) What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

movie theater butter — fun fact: the butter at theaters like regal and amc is actually vegan! which makes me so happy bc popcorn is my favorite snack.

15.) Who’s the last person you sent a text to?

my bff.

16.) Ever go camping?

no. end of discussion.

17.) Do you take vitamins?

no like multivitamins but i take iron bc i’ve been anemic basically sense birth.

18.) Do you go to church every Sunday?

no. never.

19.) Do you have a tan?

no. i don’t spend enough time outside. yikes.

20.) Do you prefer Chinese or pizza?

hmmm damn, idk... pizza?

21.) Do you drink soda through a straw?

i very rarely drink soda but i don’t think i usually use a straw.

22.) What color socks do you usually wear?

white, black, grey.

23.) Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

i’m from socal... it’s generally expected that if there’s no traffic ya gotta enjoy it. 😅 65 means 78 baby!

24.) What terrifies you?

besides the world ending? a general and persistent fear of not being good enough for others.

25.) Look to your left, what to you see?

a pile of laundry that’s been sitting there for a week. double yikes.

26.) What chore do you hate the most?

d u s t i n g. 🤬

27.) What do you think when you hear an Australian accent?

le hemsworth bros.

28.) What’s your favorite soda?

diet ginger ale.

29.) Do you go in fast food or in the drive through?

tbh i don’t eat a lot of fast food. if it’s something like that quick service then go in.

30.) What’s your favorite number?

4!

31.) Who’s the last person you talked to?

my dog. and before that my mom.

32.) Favorite cut of beef?

umm? none.

33.) Last song you listened to?

nina cried power by hozier ft. mavis staples.

34.) Last book you read?

dreaming in cuban by cristina garcía.

35.) Can you say the alphabet backwards?

why would i want to? next question.

36.) Favorite day of the week?

friday.

37.) How do you like your coffee?

if i drink a cup of coffee i won’t sleep and i’ll have anxiety for three days. 😂 catch me with a nice cup of earl grey or green tea only.

38.) Favorite pair of shoes?

i always have three shoes in rotation despite owning many more than that — black boots, black nikes, black sandals. and i’m good.

39.) Time you normally wake up?

usually around 9 if i’m lucky.

40.) Sunrise or sunsets?

sunset.

41.) How many blankets on your bed?

none. just a bedsheet and a light comforter so i don’t get heatstroke in my sleep.

42.) Describe your kitchen plates?

white... round... that’s it?

43.) Describe your kitchen at the moment?

well it’s my mom’s kitchen atm so it’s very clean and looks like a mom kitchen.

44.) Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

wine: something dry like chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, or merlot.

beer: something like an ipa.

liquor: whiskey and ginger ale.

45.) Do you play cards?

no. no. no.

46.) What color is your car?

a very bright, shiny blue.

47.) Can you change a tire?

nope. and let’s hope i don’t have to.

48.) Your favorite state, province, country, etc.?

well, i’ve been fortunate enough to visit a lot of beautiful places in the world. i love california with whole heart and nothing will ever change that. i also adore england, northern ireland, and ireland — hence my geographical research focus as a little historian in training! not only do i love to study those places but i’m always ridiculously happy when i’m there.

49.) Favorite job you’ve had?

i worked as a researcher in a national archive for a bit. i basically got to dig through boxes and boxes of documents for months and then write whatever i felt like based on what i found with very little supervision. ideal work environment for me!

50.) How did you get your biggest scar?

you can’t see it bc it’s on my head but when I was in second grade my brother threw a palm-sized, plastic hit clips boombox (if you remember those you’re a real 90s kid jfc) and i had to get a couple of stitches. I can still feel it tho. tbh we should’ve known my brother was going to become a pitcher then...

no pressure tags! @b0n-chann @auty-ren @unstoppableforcce @poesdxmerons @cryptkeepersoul @damndamer0n 💕

[the-potter-analyst]

Chapter 8 - The Deathday Party

Harry Potter and the Sacred Text word of the day: Rumors

Just to share a personal story about rumors bc this is a short post, I was working part time during my year off between undergrad and grad school and was going to quit when I started school again. A few months before that, there were rumors spreading around about me already putting in my 2 week notice (idk how it works in other countries, but in the US you have to give at least a 2 week notice of you quitting for logistic reasons). At this point, I hadn’t talked to anyone at work about when I planned to leave or if I was leaving at all for that matter, so I have no idea who started the rumor, but eventually it came upon the ears of my manager and they confronted me about it. That’s actually how I found out about the rumor lmao. I had to be like no I’m not quitting now I have zero knowledge about what’s going on and give them a date of when I’m leaving for real. And this, my peeps, was the first time in my then 22 years of existence that I was the center of a rumor. I had a good laugh at least.

Ok but very little actually happened this chapter lol. Maybe that was why I had trouble forming concrete thoughts about “rumors” from my own reading, and having the podcast was helpful in organizing them a bit. I think my understanding of rumors is slightly different from the hosts, since I see it as spreading information that you don’t fully know the details of, or whether it’s truthful or not (unless you’re spreading something about yourself). Sometimes it’s misinformation, like you mistook smth a person said (i.e. Person A says what if, and Person B mishears it to be a fact), which is something that happens on tumblr all the time.... and the internet. The rumor about Dumbledore booking dancing skeletons for the Halloween feast would be an example of this. Like ppl are so excited about the feast that they’re making stuff up about cool things that could happen lol. Sometimes someone says smth about a specific person, or themselves, either out of malice or to build reputation. This would be Sir Nick telling Harry to talk about how Nick is frightening and impressive at his deathday party to make himself seem cooler. Gossip on the other hand can be about either true or false information, it can be for entertainment, to vent, or just to have idle chat. I think Hermione talking about Moaning Myrtle is gossip, because she’s experienced all of the things she said, but if say, Harry or Ron start spreading it to other people, then it becomes a rumor. That personal rumor I talked about earlier? I have no clue how to categorize it lol. Did someone mishear smth? Were they pulling it out of their ass? The world may never know.

I want to get into Filch and the Kwikspell a bit, since the hosts brought up something interesting in the podcast episode. Harry finds a infomercial letter on Filch’s desk about how to do magic easily. What Harry doesn’t understand is why Filch would have it, so he wants to talk to Ron and Hermione about this interesting piece of info he found out and can’t make sense out of. This is gossip lol. What we find out later is that Filch is a squib and the interesting thing brought up is how Filch might be overcompensating for the fact that he can’t use magic. So he hides the fact that he’s magic-less and creates this persona that he wants to torture students so that he can gain some amounts of respect (through fear). I can imagine Filch would face a lot more disrespect if it was common that he was a squib. I wonder if he later internalized his persona or if he always would have actually enjoyed hanging students from the ceiling by their ankles. Tbh if I was him, I’d probably get great satisfaction from that after all the shit Hogwarts students do and make him clean up asdfjhdf. I’m not trying to make Filch a good guy, but just imagine having to take an extra hour to scrub the floors bc some kid decided to walk around the castle wet and muddy. Ick.

I feel so bad for Myrtle jfc. I felt bad for her as a child, but now I have a fuller understanding of depression and the effects of bullying and I just,,, can’t help pitying her and feeling sad for her. She lived her living life being bullied and ridiculed, died at a particularly bad moment of depression, and now has to be stuck at this emotional point for the end of days. And still have to deal with being ridiculed. That fucking sucks.

I’ll lump Harry hearing the voice again and finding the message on the wall with next chapter’s post.

Small things:

Poor Ginny, she might not be sick but she’s already starting to look weaker D:

Interesting how both Vanishing Cabinets are introduced in the same book, wayyy before they actually become important. I think I assumed the Hogwarts cabinet was always in the Room of Requirement and then I realized that Peeves dropping it was the reason it was broken and put in the Room. I wonder how different book 6 would’ve been if this moment didn’t happen.

Sweet Boi Harry agreeing to go to Nick’s deathday party bc Nick was feeling down <3

Hermione mentions Myrtle’s toilet being out of order all year girl it’s been 2 (two) months. I wonder if Myrtle’s more emotional from the chamber opening again? At a subconscious level maybe.

Harry and Ron have missed every major feast so far this school year rip

I’ll take a moment to appreciate Sir Nick. He gets a bad beheading and has to deal with that for the rest of his afterlife sdjfskjkhf. But he’s also very sweet and caring, like he asked how Harry was doing even though he was dealing with some shit! He got Harry out of trouble from Filch! Nick may have had a shitty death, but he’s still a good man.

Previous: Chapter 7 - Mudbloods and Murmurs

Next: Chapter 9 - The Writing on the Wall

[holocene-days]

hey jemma, would really love some tips about how you've been figuring yourself out, would love to get to that place but difficult to know where to start

ahh hi! 

i should probably preface this by saying that this has been a hella long process that’s taken place over the past 2 years. 

a lot of this post is gonna be me talking about my experiences bc i’m not really good at the whole second person advice thing. so i hope this is helpful in some way!! also lol sorry this got really long, i just had lots of thoughts 

*tw mention of eating disorders, nothing too in depth but just like talk about anorexia and such things*

i kinda started this journey in fall of 2017 when i realized i had lost myself and was struggling severely with an eating disorder and went to see the therapist at my uni who specializes in eating disorders. she diagnosed me with anorexia which was like a major wake up call and i was like jfc who am i what am i doing to myself how did i get this way. i had lost over 20 pounds and was completely focused on how i looked and i felt so out of control of my life and my desires and ambitions that i coped with it through controlling my weight and how i looked. long story short, saw this therapist through fall of 2017 and at the beginning of december had a breakthrough, which was when i said “i don’t want to be thin, i want the things i think being thin will get me”, thus the start of my recovery began. 

i then spent 8 months of 2018 studying abroad in london and traveling around europe and met the most amazing people and had some of the best experiences of my life (shout out to my girls matilde @timobeechalamet and megan @blxckisthecolor) and because i was so focused on traveling and school i didn’t really have any sense of self, which actually was quite beneficial because i was trying to recover from this traumatic thing and the distraction of travel and school were very helpful.

went back to the states in dec and graduated from uni this may. spent my last semester focused on myself and finishing my degree and spending lots of time with my friends. and here’s where i really started to work on myself.

i’ve always had lots of anxiety around school and perfection (which is why i initially started seeing a therapist 4 years ago) and it took me a lil while but i’ve realized that i don’t feel these kinds of pressures anymore because i’m out of this environment which was stifling and stressful, i’m able to be myself more. which brings us up to the present day where i now feel like i have the time and comfortable environment to enjoy myself and explore new things.

1. focus on your passions. what do you love? what do you love to do? are there classes you can take to learn more? books you can read? my big love is acting so i got a degree in it and then went to LA this summer for a month and a half to go to a film acting school and through that program learned SO much about what i want from myself as an artist. i watch lots of movies and series. find way to incorporate what you love into your daily life. take just 30 minutes for it and just focus on it. i find that keeping a tag on here of things that inspire me artistically can be really helpful bc if i’m ever feeling uninspired or stuck i can go back and look through the posts and get mentally back on track with my passion.

2. writing. i’ve been keeping a journal since i was about 15. i don’t really make diary entries in it but i love lists and making lists about concepts or themes or aesthetics. i recently made a list of all of my favorite meals this way in case i don’t know what to make, i have a basis to go back to of things i know my body loves. some nights i just come up with an idea and i take out my journal and just write and don’t edit myself. just keep the ideas going. no detail is too small. it’s just really nice to have a place with all my thoughts and ideas and feelings. writing is really cathartic for me. 

3. bullet journaling. my bullet journal is separate from my other journal and in it i keep my month and mind in check. i draw out each month and write down thoughts and goals of things i want to do for the month. i have pages about the law of attraction and new things i want to try and quotes about acting and being an artist. it’s such a great way for me to customize my life in a sense and have a book of my current life and thoughts to refer to.

4. your space. i am that girl who always has clothes on her bedroom floor, and everything is typically very messy. but that shit stresses me out so much. and so in an effort to try to have more peace in my life, i’m trying to do better about it. literally yesterday i deep cleaned and redecorated half of my bedroom and put in a bookshelf from my dad’s office and put lots of plants and books on it and wow it really transformed my room. it was SUCH a simple thing that took like an hour but really changed the whole vibe of my room. your room is you lil home in ur apartment or house and it needs to be your happy, chill space where you feel comfortable. putting in effort in your room seriously changes so much about your mental attitude. i’m trying to get in the habit of making my bed each morning and it’s been v helpful!!

5. ya body. i think taking care of your body is so incredibly important in your self discovery journey because it affects how your brain works and your outlook on yourself and the greater world. bc of my ed my sense of body has been real fucked for so long (i’m talking like 10 years :))))) ). here’s how i got to a better place with it 1. lots of therapy lol. 2. reminding myself that my body is a living, breathing animal that requires food to function and movement to feel good. breaking the idea of movement (i.e. working out) away from the idea of being skinny has been hard but intensely helpful and effective in the way i view my body. i focus on movement. not working out, not burning calories. things like walking, biking, dancing, ice skating are all physical activities i really enjoy that don’t feel like working out. food is a whole other beast. i totally still struggle with food sometimes but it’s getting better. i’ve been focusing a lot on intuitive eating over the past couple months (these posts by @heavyweightheart have been so incredibly helpful in teaching me about this) and that food list i made a few days ago is also really helpful. my advice would be eat what feels good to your body and makes you have energy and feel good. stay active in your life and move in ways that also feel good. the more i take care of my body, the better my mind feels and the more in touch with myself i am.

6. back off instagram. that shit is... not great. i mean, it def has its moments (and memes) but overall i just feel like insta is a place where people post photos of their “perfect life moments” and want their friends to validate it. and then there’s all those influencers on there and so many insta stories and it’s just really overwhelming. if you really like instagram and don’t feel like it’s anxiety inducing then def keep it! but also know that it’s okay to step back from it for a lil bit. it really helped me to feel more present and not continuously compare myself to others and feel a need to post if a cool thing happened. it’s been nice to be more private and keep things for myself. 

7. patience. remembering that things take time and what you want is achievable you just have to keep goings. try new things. change your approach, allow yourself to fail. learn from the failure and do better next time. 

8. kindness. towards yourself and others. really putting in the effort to be kind to people in your everyday life makes SUCH a difference and really brightens their day and yours as well. putting out good vibes brings back good vibes, which then allows you to feel better about yourself and more in tune with others around you.

i’m going to stop this here bc this is so fucking long at this point lol i’m so sorry for that but i hope some of this was helpful pls let me know!!

[coldtomyflash]

Weird question, and it's perfectly okay if "I don't know" is your answer: How did you manage to do grad school AND finish writing so many good fics? I'm writing the lit review for my dissertation right now, and I want to finish several WIPs I have (if nothing else, just to prove to myself that I can), but it just feels like I can barely do either, much less both. Any advice at all?

Ah, no worries! It’s not that odd a question. Actually, someone’s asked me before ^^;  My reply to them at the time was here. No need to read it, but it’s some context? 

My reply now that my head is in a healthier place is... long and winding and not actually full of that much advice but eh, I rambled as I do. If you just want the advice, scroll all the way down and it’s there. 

For starters, I’m not a normal comparison point. This isn’t to pat myself on the back, but for a variety of reasons, writing is something that comes really naturally to me. I’ll detail those reasons, but before I get into that, the point I’m illustrating here is that... sometimes I think people compare themselves to how much I wrote and what else I accomplished in that time and think “hey cool - that is a function human! Why can’t I do that?” And the answer is short answer is that my brain is programmed for pretty much one thing, and that thing is writing writing, and holy crap I was the opposite of a functional human when writing that much and that quickly.

The long answer is - 

I’ve been making up stories literally as long as I can remember. I spent my childhood consuming stories. I taught myself to read and was during school I was consistently reading about 8 grade levels above my reading level, and loved learning about narrative structure. I annoyed the shit out of my older brother by reading the same book series as he read, but guessing plot points that were going to happen either in that book or else 2-3 books out. he didn’t get how I would just know and I’d be like “it’s obvious - that’s where the story has to go!” Because I was imagining it in my head - what i would do with it, where it would go, where it had to go. Closing the page mid0chapter and imagining the next-scene, and then picking back up to see how right or wrong I was.

And I had a best friend for most of my childhood through to early adulthood with whom I made stories. Every weekend, creating narratives together, not writing them down but basically roleplaying them by talking them out (voices and all, it was a heck of a lot of fun, as much as it made me pretty much the nerdiest teen in existence). We tried to write a novel when we were 12, got about 7 chapters in. We had a lot of starts and stops on other stories too.

Which isn’t said to stroke my own ego, it’s said to highlight that I have a metric fuckton of explicit and implicit practice at storytelling. It was and sort of is my “whole life”. I also had teachers that helped me develop storytelling skills, and was really freaking lucky to go to a school with an AP program for English that seriously stretched my ability to write fast. We had to write an essay every single class, during class, and have it finished by the end of class (or in less time if we had lecture stuff to go over too) in my last year of high school. The essays could be creative response (i.e., short stories). I wrote a short story almost every week in the space of an hour when I was 17. By the time I got to the end of year final and actually got to use a computer and type that shit instead of hand-cramping halfway through, I somehow managed to write the two-essay final in the allotted 3 hours and, i shit you not, had a wordcount of 6000 words. 

That’s still my record. It was probably a dumpster fire but I got 100% probably for sheer volume.

Anyway that was over a decade ago, but the whole reason this life story is pertinent is because - 

I have practice. The only way to improve at anything, to get faster at it, for it to ease, is to practice. Practice at storytelling, practice at having to set a scene using just words sitting in my BFF’s room and trying to describe the image I had in my head for how I wanted her to see the scene as it was playing out. Practice at writing fast and getting feedback on how to write. Practice implicitly at trying to imagine what routes stories can take. Practice taking stories apart and piecing them back together, in my head, all the time.

So that’s part of it. 

The other part, and this is what I said in my previous post, was depression. I was seriously fucking burnt out and depressed when I started writing coldflash fic, and grad school took a huge toll on my mental health. It’s easier to write when you’re doing it to procrastinate working on your dissertation, and easier to keep writing when you get positive feedback and it feeds those lovely dopamine gremlins in your brain who aren’t getting any positive validation from grad school because holy damn that shit is hard.

I had no balance in my life for a long time. It wasn’t good. I went to counselling. I got more balance. Fic slowed down. Still finished, but not 120k words in 3 months (that was the pace when I started fic writing...jfc I don’t know how I managed.) Life got harder. Fic was now harder to write. I got more counselling. Fic was easier to write. I moved around the world. Fic got harder to write. I started anti-depressants. Narratives now seem to be flowing again. 

Regardless of the state of my mental health though, I’ve never written as much as quickly as I did during the middle of grad school. And I think that’s because I was very narratively pent up when I started writing fic. I had been so busy and pushing myself so damn hard in grad school that I didn’t make almost any time for stories, for fic, for imagining my own stories. I was suppressing that side of myself in the service of Focus. So when I burnt out, my narrative side rebounded and said “fuck that noise, I still exist, and we’re making space for me”. It took over. I came literally a hair’s breadth from quitting my PhD post candidacy. Idk what type of program you’re in, but business schools in North America? It’s a 5 year PhD typically, and I was at the end of year 3 and eyeing the door.

Anyway - I say all that because - 

I am not a good example and you should not do what I did. Finishing that many long WIPs that quickly wasn’t healthy, and was only possible because I didn’t do much else at the time, and had a lifetime of practice and a narrative rebound to make it even possible. 

But - 

My actual advice?

1) Practice. Practice. Practice. 

Not all at once, but everything counts. Daydreaming counts. Watching shows and thinking of how they could be improved counts. Talking out story ideas with friends counts. Just make it fun. Practice is something we think of as arduous and annoying. Learning new words is practice. Meeting new people and considering their traits is practice. Everything can be practice for writing. All the research you do can be practice for writing. (Random note: a childhood coping mechanism for anxiety that I had was to narrate what I was doing to myself in my head in the 3rd person. Like telling a story of myself walking to gym class in my own head. That was also practice.)

2) Have fun with it! 

Don’t making writing an obligation. Then it’s another thing on the list of things you avoid. Finishing stories often feels like an obligation. I’m going through this right now with Needs Must. It can be hard to complete a WIP because you start to have internal anxieties about disappointing readers, not living up to expectations, exhaustion from that narrative, distraction / temporary loss of interest (which is normal! and not actually a bad thing!). All of that then makes you feel guilty, which makes it impossible to get into a creative space to write. You can’t work on the thing you’re avoiding.

3) It’s okay to give your WIPs breathing space. 

When you hit a wall, you may need to set it aside and read it again in a month with fresh eyes. You may need to treat your story like someone else’s story. That’s, again, literally where I’m at right now with Needs Must. I just reread a bunch of it and hadn’t really forgotten the details but once they’re on the page they’re out of my head, and so taking some time before going back to reread it made it easier for me to think of like I think of every other story: “what would I do next with this? Oh that’s a twist, that needs to come back later. There’s a theme here, we’ve seen that three times. What’s the best ending I, as a reader now, can imagine for this?”

If avoidance, guilt, and/or writer’s block aren’t your issue, and it’s literally just down to time management - 

4) Your graduate degree is more important than your WIPs. 

Your WIPs aren’t going anywhere, they don’t have a deadline, and your readers will wait for you, and new ones will find you. Time management is an essential, awful, part of being an academic. 

I get more done, both at work and creatively on fic, when I’m just a bit too busy, but that’s me. Figure out what is optimal for you, and do it. When do you get the most writing done? When you’re relieved? When you’re anxious? Late at night? First thing in the morning? When does it flow? When won’t it ruin your graduate career?

(Seriously I was writing fic at work last week and was kicking myself. I don’t have time for that shit! Set boundaries on your time!)

But full serious here, graduate school is exhausting, and almost inherently de-motivating, and even the best damn students eye the door a lot of the time, even if they do finish. It’s stressful and you feel constantly powerless. It’s a lot to need to cope with. I found writing to be a way to cope. That lit review you’re working on? Yeah, it’s zapping your time and energy. That’s normal (unfortunately). And it’s good to give yourself breaks from that to write. Don’t feel guilty for taking time here and there for yourself - to write, or to not write. To relax, unplug, unwind. To close your eyes and daydream (if you’re me) or have a bubble bath (if you’re my sister), or do whatever helps you honestly, genuinely destress. The best thing you can do for both writing and for graduate school is to take breaks and take time for yourself. There is actual science on the importance of breaks, and academics are fucking notorious for putting too much pressure on themselves to actually relax.

5) If you’re burnt out and/or depressed - seek help! 

Most universities have resources for mental health! Talk to a doctor! Don’t put too much stress and pressure on yourself! Almost half of grad students are mentally ill at some point!

6) Talk out your stories with friends! 

I know I already said this under “practice” but having a fandom friend to bounce ideas with and cheer you on is amazing and essentially. I was in constant contact with Bealeciphers when I started writing, and now I have a different friend who’s helped me the past couple years with writing and developing my stories. Mostly they cheer me on, and when I’m stuck, I tell them where the story is going and what I need help with. But honestly, writing doesn’t need to happen in a vacuum and doesn’t need to be you hunched over a laptop in the dark all alone and staring blankly at a screen (I’m definitely not projecting here, no siree). It’s amazing how motivating it is and how much it can help you stay on track to check in regularly with other writing friends!

7) Pick your battles.

You say you have a... couple(?) of WIPs? How many are you juggling? Is it too many? Do you need to set one (or two??) aside? When my steam was slowly and AATJS and Tumbling Together started to feel like a chore, I set TT aside and took a month break from AATJS then dived right back into AATJS (with the help of the friend mentioned above, cheering me on) because I knew it would be the harder one to finish, and the one that I feared I’d never finish if I put it aside too long. I tackled the biggest hurdle first. If that’s the type of thing for you, I recommend it. Pick the story that’s either the most or least likely to get finished, and focus your energy there.

Another battle-picking thing here? It’s okay to outsource. I’m terrible for not using a proofreader beta. It’s a weird control thing, despite the fact that I love people pointing out typos in my works so I can freaking fix them. The point here is: don’t be like me. If you suck at finding your own typos, use a beta or proofreader. My writer friend who helps me helps when I get stuck. I help them when they need feedback on specific scenes and tones, and I’ve recently discovered they hate editing (I love editing) so this entertains me to no end. Just - you don’t have to do it all yourself. If you feel like you do, see points 5 and 6 again.

Aaaannnddd that’s that. Whew. I just spent... wow, too long on this. I spent as much time on this as I did on my own grad student’s lit review I was providing feedback on today ^^; #whoops 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #206

“have you ever wished for death and prayed all night for your last breath?”

Do you always read the book before you see a movie based on a book? No. When you’re out with friends, do they ever encourage you to spend money you should be saving? 1.) I don't hang out w/ anyone now, 2.) but even when I did, they all knew I didn't make money. Is there anything you’re trying to save up money for? What? Perpetually tattoos, I want a PS4 super badly to play a novel of games I've been dying to play (SotC and Spyro trilogy remaster, I'm @ing you so hard), I need a car soon as I plan to at least try and get my license in the near future, I'd love to always have enough to immediately go to Sara's in case of an emergency, a trip to South Africa... but those are gonna take a good while to complete. I have my priorities straight for when I get a job. Have you ever watched a movie you didn’t really want to see just because a friend asked you to? Yeah. Did you end up liking the movie, anyway? There's been many cases of the above situation, so I'm sure in some instances I have. Heard any great songs for the first time lately? What songs? Hmmm, quite a number. "Radio" by Rammstein is great, and I love "bury a friend" and "bad guy" by Billie Eilish. What is your favorite urban legend? m o t h m a n and the joysey devil. Probably top two. GAH I love so many though????????????? Like Skinwalkers?????????????? And WENDIGOS????????? Have you seen all the cool shit?????????????? Do you remember the last nightmare you had? What was it? No, thankfully. Have you ever hopped on any bandwagons? HAHA. Freshman year, high school... I "liked" screamo or alternative-type bands I'd barely ever listened to or even enjoyed to fit in with the emos aldkjfalkwejr. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? Definitely not a complete one, but I can get pretty annoyed if in WoW we're in a heroic dungeon and people don't know the mechanics you should have already learned + read new ones that're right there in the goddamn journal laksdjfaoweir and then some people just totally ignore your advice and alskdjfwleiruwqoeif x2. Then again I've been that confused asshole in a couple raiding situations BUT LOOK they're harder and I had too much to catch up on okay. Still no excuse by WHATEVER. Have elitists on a fansite ever intimidated or talked down to you? I don't believe so. Is there anything you swear you will never do again? A few things with certainty. How late do you usually stay awake? I can literally go to bed as early as 7 to as late as 11 or rarely later. I do NOT have a schedule. Started months ago, and at first it frustrated and stressed me out quite a bit, but by now, I've just accepted it for me. Do you have pets? If so, how did you choose their names? Teddy: sister named him, but I'm sure it was the "cute as a teddy bear" type thing; Bentley: no clue; Roman: it sounded majestic, cats are majestic; Venus: pretty, and her coloration is similar to the planet; Kaiju: totally badass for an iguana that's gonna grow to be a big 'ole scaly boy; and Mitsu: I had a theme of giving my rats cutesy "M" names. Do you ever buy special treats for your pets? Occasionally. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? Did a middle school student write this? If you're pretty fond of something, there you go, you're a fan. Sure, some are more intense, but that doesn't make the more casual ones not "real." What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? Idk, I don't pay attention. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? Christ, without. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? HA. No. It is RARE I'll find a cute one, and that's always only online. Make pretty ones for plus-sized women a normal find, jfc. Idk why, but I am very picky with bras. Like good fucking luck seeing me without a shirt, so like,,,, why do I bother????? What length do you like your shorts to be? UM you will NOT see me in SHORTS. Have you ever cut off jeans or other pants and made them into shorts? Perhaps Mom has when I was a kid? But I have no memory of this ever happening. Have you cut the sleeves out of T-shirts to make tank tops? I don't think so. Have you ever modified a piece of clothing and hated how it turned out? ^ What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Ah jeez, what's the last time I even watched one. Idk. What was the last disappointing book you read? And I haven't read a book in even longer. Is there anything you’re really excited about? JOB. OPPORTUNITIES. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Vines, like shit dude. I can go on massive binges. What was the last thing you rolled your eyes about? I don't recall. What would you consider the greatest song ever recorded? Why? Yeesh, that's a big thing to decide. I recently discovered "A Reason to Fight" by Disturbed though, and it is. Incredible. Just read the lyrics to refresh my mind, and yeah, goosebumps. Do you like Hellboy? If so, do you prefer the old movies or the new one? Never seen any. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Dory, probably. But man, there's too many to choose from. Last thing you purchased just for fun? *shrugs* Do you even like behind-the-scenes stuff or does it ruin the magic for you? IF I'm real into the product, I love that stuff!! I've seen like every little BTS Silent Hill thing there is, probably, multiple hours' worth. What is your favorite thing about Mac computers? They're small and lightweight. What is your favorite thing about PCs? They generally hold much more memory. What are some errands you need to run soon? I don't have "errands" yet. Have your parents ever tried to convince people there was something wrong with you, when their “diagnosis” wasn’t accurate? No. List 3 of your best memories, times you wish you could go back and repeat. In no order, just as they come to me: 1.) First hug with Sara when we met at the airport; 2.) THE LOOK ON SARA'S FACE when she saw me in her room on her birthday (probably fave memory of all time, actually); 3.) seeing meerkats for the first time at the zoo. Ohhhh or maybe the true realization I was happy without Jason. But idk, that was SUCH a gradual process where I didn't feel ecstasy in like one moment. What color was your high school graduation gown? Ew, it was this obnoxious red. The majority apparently voted for it, while I was on the navy team. Are your parents’ dreams for your life different than your own? Mom's pretty dead-set on me being a vet, but she doesn't try to push me into it or anything. I know she just wants happiness for me. I haven't got a clue about Dad. Have your dreams for your life changed? Of course. What are your dreams now? HAPPY, stable job that I thoroughly enjoy, well-off financially (I don't aim to be rich, just "safe," you could say), healthy marriage, own my own home, travel to a few places, did y'all think I was gonna forget "meet Mark???"... stuff like that. What was your dream as a child? It changed plenty of times, but my earliest goal was to be a paleontologist. Do you feel safe in your country? Sure, I guess. Safer than most places. If applicable, do you feel safe at your school? N/A Would you ever want to learn sign language? It'd be cool, sure, but it's not something I'm interested in pursuing. How many meals do you eat a day? 2-3. Sometimes just one "real" meal. Do you own any succulents? No. What color are your walls? A hideous puke green. Why. What color were the walls in the bedroom you grew up in? I don't remember at all. What was the last song you listened to on repeat? "Love Falls" by HELLYEAH. What is your favorite style (or styles) of dance? Modern. Have you ever performed a solo dance in front of a crowd? No. Have you ever sung a solo? No. Which insects are you afraid of? Most, really. Do you think it’s silly to be afraid of an insect, when it’s so tiny? It depends on the insect, of course. Even if I do know what it is and it's "safe," I'll still typically freak if it surprises me. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Hmmm. Sara, I believe? What are you waiting for? Jesus FUCKING Christ on a bike a job. What do you usually feel like doing the most at home? Stuff on the laptop. What grade were you in when you had your first crush? I don't remember... For "puppy dog love," I believe maybe the 4th grade, but I may be wrong. I'd say my first *real* crush was on a guy named Sebastian in my freshman year of high school. Shit man, did a lot go down my freshman year. I'm just reminiscing and crushes jumped between like five dudes 'til Jason won. At what age did you start experiencing sexual attraction, if any? Some time in middle school, I think? Like that's when I had my first bisexuality crisis: 6th or 7th grade. Have you ever split open a rock with a hammer, to see the glitter inside? No, but FUCK I WANNA. What type of tree do you see the most of where you live? There's a pine tree outside my window. Oh, and there's a pine tree in my back yard. Oh, what's that across the road? Woods of pine trees. Where do all birds in NC live? In pine trees. What does our air smell like? Pine trees. Where is your favorite place you’ve lived? My previous home as far as location; house itself, where I am now. It's got its issues, but it's cozy and a perfect size for just two people. What states have you lived in? Just 'ole North Carolina. Take me awaaaaaaaaaaaay- Do you wish you were someone else? Sometimes. What is your favorite thing about the month in which it is now? Literally just flowers. That's it. It. Everything else can suck a legion of dicks. Who were your best friends in high school? Hannia, Girt, Jason (if he counts), Alon, Maria... I had a few "best" ones. ^Are they still your best friends now? Girt is my closest thing to a "best friend" if you don't include my girlfriend. Do you live near the mountains? No, they're on the opposite end of the state. ;___; Do you live near a beach? We're like, two-ish hours away. What is your favorite beach that you’ve been to? Idk and idc, beaches aren't my thing. Do you collect seashells? Not seriously, but I'll keep a cool one if I find one. If you were to start a new collection, what would it be? If I was not ashamed of looking like a 23-y/o pre-teen in love with Just Bieber, I'd have more Markiplier merch than you'd fucking believe. (One of my biggest regrets in life was not buying the tasteful nudes calendar; I will eternally smite myself for being too embarrassed to have to explain why I would have that hanging above my bed rip.) If you had to pick one year and describe it as the best year of your life that you want to relive again, which year would it be? 2017 was fuckin litty titty. Is your world view the same as your parents’? In some ways with Mom, and I do know Dad and I differ on a few things. Well, if I learned more about his more political beliefs, I feel I'd probably disagree with most. What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Are you the person you thought you’d be when you were younger? No. Are you a confrontational person, or the peacekeeper? I'm a massive peacekeeper. I avoid confrontation like the PLAGUE. Do you like to read? Not nearly as much as I used to. Like all I ever read nowadays are RP posts as I obviously have to reply to them, but if they're long, it is common I procrastinate on reading it... ;_; Do you sleep too much or not enough? Probably too much, especially when I go to bed early. Although, I do wake up throughout the night and sometimes officially pretty early. Then some days I have a 1-2 hour nap, so that just adds to it. Who is your best friend? Sara. <3 How did you two meet? YouTube. How did you meet your current bf/gf? ^ How far away is your closest family member? Well I live with my mom, but she's at work atm. The last time you did something with BOTH of your parents was? BOY OH FUCKING BOY. My mom's the most bitter witch towards him, so even for family events, Dad usually only stops by to avoid creating a goddamn wreck, such as at birthday dinners. I think the last time they were in the same house was for my nephew's birthday half a year ago, I believe. What’s your favorite holiday? Halloween!!! Now that I have a niece and nephew who grasp the concept of Santa, Christmas is also really special to me. I don't want kids, but watching those sweethearts get so excited over their presents is magical. For me personally, the holiday has grown more and more about celebrating family, especially as we continue to branch out/go our own ways. So I guess I like the idea of Halloween better and would enjoy it more if I actually had something to do, but as far as joy goes, Christmas. Do you like pumpkin pie? I hate anything and everything pumpkin-flavored. The last time you went to the doctor, what were you there for? It was the see my psychiatrist. Do you take any medication regularly? Yeah. Is there any particular view you have on insane people? I see "insane" versus "sane" as far more of a gradient shift instead of a direct split; there're levels. I actually do legitimately think I at some juncture in the aftermath of the breakup qualified as slightly insane, yet I wasn't dangerous or entirely out of touch with reality. So if you tell me someone's actually insane, I'm going to fear them being the explosive, entirely unpredictable and loopy kind, but I know the person may be calm and somewhat stable on the outside, too. You gotta consider the severity. Do you believe in any conspiracies? 9/11 was orchestrated by the government and you cannot change my mind. I'm not totally sold on this one and lean more towards "nah" (I think), but the "we live in a simulation by a future civilization" is not that far-fetched at all if you actually look into it. It's very interesting, whether or not you're sold on it. Hell, Neil deGrasse Tyson firmly believes in it. Out of your friends, who is the funniest? Girt makes me laugh at the snap of his fingers, it seems. Anything you need to get rid of? I'm sure somewhere... Do you have any wasted talents? Animal knowledge and compassion, probably... I know I could make a fantastic rehabilitator for animals, among a plethora of other animal-related preservation and protection actions I could actively engage in. Well, I'm going back to school for zoology, but even now, I want to do more. There is a wildlife rehab place I may be able to volunteer at soon, tho! Mom's talking to a guy at work about me helping there. DAMN, livin a dream. Do you let the little things get to you? The issue could be as small as a single cell and it could still bother me. How often do you cry? Maybe once in a week, possibly longer. I don't know if you mean like really cry or just tear up/lightly cry. The latter is pretty common, but the other, not so much. Even if I want to cry, my jaw just entirely locks the hell up and I physically can't get it out. Is there anything you’re trying to prevent? I mean besides the common sense things everyone takes action to avoid, hm. I feel like there's so much, yet nothing is coming to me? Well, actually, it's usually a daily struggle to prevent at least one OCD cycle. When was the last time you were told you were cute? *shrug* When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life? It's been quite a while... At least over a year ago, when I began to get antsy with wanting a job and later going back to school. It just all started when I realized I was healed from the breakup and ready to move forward in life, but I wasn't. Do you miss the way things used to be between you and someone else? Multiple people. What colors has your hair been? Dirty blonde, brown, red, and purple. I've had red and purple highlights, and I naturally have blondish ones, too. I'm ready to dye it again, jfc. Most attempts are failures because my hair does NOT take color well whatsoever. It's only ever worked perfectly with the brand Splat, and my hair soaked in the dye for a LONG time before washing it out. Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? We share interest in plenty of the same bands, Mom especially. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? No. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? MY LITTLE SISTER. Haven't seen the woman in three years, but I can promise you Jason's mom still has it to a legendary degree. How expensive is too expensive for a pair of shoes? I haven't looked for shoes in so long that I don't even know the average price. What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? Honey Nut Cheerios, normal Cheerios I think, and we have a little bit of the chocolate chunk Special K cereal left over. It's got to be stale by now (it's not even closed fully); I need to remember to toss it. What’s the last thing you spent over $10 on? Ummm I'm not sure. Over $30? I think my tongue piercing was $40? Maybe even lower? Or slightly higher?? I don't remember. Do you know who lives three houses down from you? I think so. The one time I was locked out of my house in the snow with Teddy and I waited like a fucking hour until I broke down, absolutely freezing (I was in my pajamas, dude), and walked down the road to try and get help (I needed to call my mom, obviously, and I didn't have my phone), I believe it was the third neighbor who answered. Turned out being a retired deputy who was super intimidating yet kind at the same time; he let Teddy and me stay in his house (mind you, Teddy is incontinent and didn't have his diaper on, which I warned him about) while Mom was on her way home. He gave me a jacket and some water, even when I said I was fine, but you could tell he wasn't totally sure about trusting this random, sobbing girl at his door because he asked me a thousand questions about my story and quizzed if I really did live in this area. Obviously a good cop, but after a day like that, I was just terrified of an old man who appeared a bit gruff. But thankfully Mom got there to save the day and I am forever grateful for that guy. WOW what a story for a simple question. Is there a bulletin board in your room? No. Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? "Health freak" seems a bit extreme for both of them, but Mom is more concerned about health in general. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? We just have tortilla chips, I think. I try to keep snacks out of the house to avoid temptation, and who eats plain tortilla chips. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Mom's. What’s the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? Most would probably notice my Nightmare Before Christmas poster first, being as big as it is and on the wall opposite the entrance. Do you prefer the truth, even if it’s harsh? YES. I NEED to know this kinda stuff, even if the truth is really hard to hear. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? I don't think so. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? I think I did when my very first band teacher did. EVERYONE loved him. Like, the entire school. Does your kitchen look like it was designed in a completely different decade? No? When’s the last time you wore heels? Great question. Probably not since my sister's wedding in '16. Do you have your mom’s or dad’s eyes? My grampa's on Mom's side. What’s the best date movie? Probably a rom com? Have your parents ever been out of the country? No. How many pairs of jeans, all together, are in your house? Zero. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I'll swear under my breath or seethe in frustration, but I never yell. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? No. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Whenever she starts dating a guy, she dips, and whenever/if ever we talk, she rambles absolutely endlessly about him. Do you know anyone who has grossly skinny eyebrows? I couldn't possibly care less about how your eyebrows look. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman and Bentley sure do. Bentley is a Professional Fly Moncher, specifically. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? Uhhh good question. Probs the night before Sara got here for my b-day. What is your mom’s favorite movie? Hm, good question! I'd ask her, but I don't want her to ask me why I am lmao. What TV family reminds you of your own family? Probably none. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? No. I don't remember what I thought, but I know it wasn't that. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? No, I think? Well Dad gives my sisters and me way too much money for Christmas and always tells us to ask him if we need anything, but I pretty much never ask him for said things, so I don't know the extent he'd go. Are there any drawers in your house that are just filled with junk? Pretty much. Is the last person you spoke to in love? That's my mom, so I doubt that with all I know. Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? I don't believe so. What was the last movie to make you cry? I think the last was Coco. Moana may have made me tear up, but I can't remember... Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? Not to my memory. What time do you usually go to sleep at sleepovers, if ever? I haven't been to a sleepover in God knows how long. Who was the main character in the last book you read? Alice Liddell. Who are the last people you saw kiss? Via YouTube, Jeffree and his boyfriend. Irl, I don't know. Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? No. Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Who’s the bride/groom? Not very much. Like I've had brief daydreams about it, sure, but it's not something that's on my mind a lot. Still got a long time before that happens. What was the last unpleasant thing to wake you up? My cat not knowing how to keep his mouth shut. Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. Well, it depends; stars if we're in a completely isolated area where you can see them crystal clear or the clouds are boring, but otherwise, clouds if their design and colors are cool. Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? No. Do you ever wonder what the opposite sex do at sleepovers? No. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? My mom, no questions asked. When’s the last time you broke plans? Why? I wasn't feeling well. I was supposed to see my VR coach that day. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? Yes, my sister's. I was a bridesmaid. It was an absolutely awful experience because I was hot as fuck, it was triggering as HELL with me still grieving Jason, and I felt positively hideous in a dress when I was at such a horrible weight. I wish so dearly I could redo that day; I fell like I put a serious damper on my sister's big day. Would you feel safer with an alarm system or security cameras? Hm, depends on the scenario... I guess an alarm system? Like security cameras will show a murderer climbing through my window, but they're not gonna wake me up to save my ass. Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? So long it smells nice, isn't watery, and doesn't only add oil to my hair, I don't care much. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? No. When riding a bus, do you prefer to sit in front, in the back, or in the middle? Hm... idk. When I took the bus home with Jason, we always sat in the back, and that's really the only time I took a bus regularly. I think otherwise, I'd prefer the middle, closer to the front? I think I usually did that on occasions like band competitions and such. Have you ever been on a cross-country train ride? No. Are you normally a person to tell people off? No, that's rare. Is there any TV show that ended that you wish hadn’t? Meerkat Manor. Though I would hope they'd lessen down on the false story-telling. Stick to the true KMP events. When you feel stressed, do you take things out on the wrong people? Sometimes. Do you even wear any jeans other than skinny anymore? I don't wear jeans period. What did you talk about at lunch today with your friends? N/A Are you sensitive to caffeine? Definitely not. My system's too used to it, probably. How do you usually get around? Mom drives me. I'm 23. :^) Which languages do you wish you could speak fluently in? German. Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? SURPRISINGLY no, at least to my memory. Do you like Vitamin Water? Never tried, don't want to. What was the last thing you took a picture of? Dad and me on his birthday. Do you know anyone that uses Sprint as their phone carrier? Idk. Well, I think. When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? Coke. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? Sometime during Bobby's visit literally days ago. I already forgot who took it... and who else was in it lmao. Do you own a pair of slippers? Yeah, two. A meerkat pair and then a far less extra pair that're closer to socks. I think they have cats on them? I got them for Christmas I think and haven't worn or seen them much. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? Not a fan of either, but Carrie Underwood is more tolerable and even has a couple songs I enjoy. Name something negative that you hate about yourself: I'll jump to a conclusion within .02 seconds of something negative happening. Or not even "negative" or something that's purely in my head. Is your house currently hot, cold or just right? The house itself is fine, and my room is just right because I have my fan on. Is there a Dead End road near where you live? I can't think of one off the top of my head, but it's likely, really. There's lots of those here. Growing up, did you see your cousins often? No. We live many states away on both parents' sides. Where was your first job at? GameStop. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot? (Celebrities) It's been like two days and I'm over seeing the James Charles/Tati drama everywhere. You can't be interested in the YouTube community without being drowned in that shit right now somehow someway on any YT-coverage page and YouTube itself. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? I personally haven't. Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? I very openly and severely judge you if fucking height means that much to you. Do you mind being the third wheel? Not really, no. I'd only feel uncomfortable if they were getting pretty intimate. Has a kiss ever made you weak in the knees? Um I didn't know that was actually a thing so no. Do you feel comfortable buying condoms? Never been in that position. Have you ever dated two people at once? No. Have you ever been tested for STDs? No. Well wait, that time I gave blood I probably was just out of safety protocol. Have you ever run into your ex with his/her new sweetie? No. Have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? When I was in that "wait does this break the abstinence rule" phase, yeah. God was I technical. Have you ever had a condom break during sex? N/A Do your parents know if you’re having sex? Well considering I'm with a girl and she lives states away, that answer's obvious. Do you eat chips or crackers more? Chips. Would you rather be a singer or a dancer? A dancer. Would you rather be a musician or a painter? A painter, maybe? If I could play the electric guitar, though... idk. What social media sites do you visit the most? Facebook. What did you hair look like in high school? Long, thick as fuck, brown (or dyed black) with some sort of highlight, and it was split to the left with the hair swooped over my right eye. Basically "I want the emo swoop but my hair is too fucking thick to obey hairspray." :^) Which dollar store do you shop at? Depends on what's closest, usually. We rarely ever stop at one unless it's for candy to bring into the movie theater, seriously lol. I think usually Dollar General? Do you prefer candy corn or conversation hearts? WE DON'T KNOW EITHER. Skeletons or scarecrows? s k e l l y b o y s Has anyone ever given you the silent treatment? Yep. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth? I learned on that day I hate giving blowjobs. Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No, thankfully. (If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you ‘shortie’ instead of girl? BOY I would fucking cackle. I hate that word. No. Do you ever watch The Simpsons? No. Have you ever sent an embarrassing moment of yours into a mag to be printed? OH MY GOD I remember that!!! But no. What IS your most embarrassing moment? Too lazy to go through the novel of 'em to pick the worst. Do you think you’re more cute or sexy? You assume I find myself either. Do you own any mini skirts? I don't own any skirts period. Do you draw little hearts and stuff with eyeliner next to your eyes? No. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever lost? Idk. Has your mom ever lied to you? I'm sure she has before. Do you have a deep voice? For a girl, yeah. When’s the last time someone made breakfast for you? *shrugs* Exclusively for me, probably never. Do you do something new with your hair practically every day? No, it's the same everyday. When someone knocks on the door, who do you think it is? Delivery guy. Has anyone ever licked your foot? Ew no. Do you play games with boys/girls, like ‘hard to get’? I'm not 15. Has a guy ever quoted a romantic Shakespeare line to you? No, and I'm glad, as I'd cringe into another realm. Is there a Sonic where you live? Yes, I LIVE- Do you smile with your teeth? Usually. I look less high, at least. What did you eat for lunch today? A pb&j. What do you like on your pizza? Pepperoni, jalapenos, or meat lovers. What is in the back seat of your car right now? I don't own a personal car. Mom has a a load of stuff in the back of hers, at least I think... That's super rare, but she's been so ungodly busy idk if she's had time to clean it out. I haven't paid attention so can't recall. What was the last thing you threw up? Idr. Menthol or regular cigarettes? I don't smoke and never have, so idk. What is your favorite episode of Friends? I don't watch it, and I haven't seen many episodes at all if for whatever reason I was in a room and it was on. Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you been to a strip club? No. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Hell if I remember. It had to either be my 16th birthday when Jason's family was all together watching the Super Bowl, or a hockey game with my dad. Last person’s house you were in? Besides my own, my sister's. Who is the last person you sent a message to on Facebook? Nicole. Ever go to camp? No. Were you an honor roll student in school? Yeah. Do you have a tan? HA no. How old do you want to be when you have kids? I don't want kids. Are you someone’s best friend? Yeah. Favorite gemstone? Dragon's breath opal. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru, almost always. Does your first memory involve your dad? No. When was the last time you went swimming? Last summer at the beach. Holy fuck the water was so perfect. Has your luggage ever gotten lost? No. Have you ever thought it would be cool to smash a guitar? No. Like... just why. Do you ever get flu shots? No.

[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[katzuyas]

as usual, I’m a terrible procrastinator (this time with good reason tho bc I’ve been dying bc of renovations for a good 4 months now jfc) but I found some time to finally do these so here’s the super longass chain of tags I’m very grateful for ❤️ thank you so much to all of you for thinking of me!! ❤️❤️❤️

tagged by @and-then-yoi-happened, @joeys-piano and @gabzjones -- thank you so much guys ❤️

📽 🎞 Post 10 gifs from your favorite movies without naming them and then tag 10 (or so) people. 📽 🎞 

I had more trouble with this than I thought I would omg it seems I don’t like all that many movies??? unless we want to count each hp and potc movie separately  😂😂

I’ll be tagging @story-kat, @sweet-vitya, @estellie, @ilarual, and @katsudonski for it, but feel free to ignore me if you don’t want to do it ^u^)b

tagged by @story-kat, thank you for the tag kat!

fall/autumn preferences

rules: bold what you prefer and tag 10 people

1. go apple picking vs go on a hay ride 2. scary vs. sweet 3. sweaters vs. boots 4. socks vs. mittens 5. bonfires vs. football 6. trick-or-treating vs. watch scary movies 9. bake pie vs. bake cookies 10. rain vs. fog 11. black cats vs. owls 12. ghosts vs. wizards 13. harry potter vs. halloweentown 14. go hiking vs. sleep in 15. cinnamon vs. nutmeg 16. reading vs. writing 17. hot chocolate vs. tea  18. live in a cabin in a forest vs. have it be fall 24/7 19. candy apples vs. caramel apples 20. blankets vs. pillows 21. roasted marshmallows vs. roasted chestnuts 22. coffee vs. apple cider  23. red leaves vs. orange leaves 24. braids vs. bows 25. scented candles vs. the smell of fresh baked goods 26. carve pumpkins vs. make pumpkin pie (neither is my thing tbqh) 27. pumpkin spice lattes vs. chai tea lattes 28. coats vs. oversized sweaters 29. beanies vs. berets  30. candy corn vs. peanut butter cups 31. s'mores vs. apple crisp 32. jump in a pile of leaves vs. swing on a tire 33. corn maze vs. haunted house (very much neither) 34. bob for apples vs. visit a pumpkin patch 35. whipped cream on hot chocolate vs. marshmallows on hot chocolate

I haven’t seen this one before so this was fun, thank you!

tagging @and-then-yoi-happened, @inlovewithyoi, @victuuritrash, @atesan, and @phichitschulanont

tagged by @dreaming-fireflies, thank you so much!! ❤️

Rules: answer the questions and tag 15 people you want to know better.

1) Relationship status: dating a really adorable boy ;3c

2) Lipstick or chapstick: chapstick bc lipstick always eats away so ugly and I can’t be bothered to reapply every time I lick my lips

3) three favourite foods: chicken fried rice, pepperoni pizza, pad thai

4) song stuck in your head: thunder and lightning by serayah

5) last movie you watched: jurassic world fallen kingdom

6) top three shows: game of thrones, rein, suits

7) book I am currently reading: nothing bc I’m just stuck to my pc writing all the time ;u;

8) last thing i googled: the link to the song above

9) time: 3:51 PM

10) dream trip: japan *u* but also harry potter studio tour bc first fandom always sticks with you *u*

11) anything you want: to be done with renovations, finally, and to deal with my teaching practice asap so I can go back to writing yrdcyhvgb

I won’t be tagging anyone for this, but it was still fun to do so if anyone wants to as well, feel yourself tagged!

tagged by @louciferish, and twice by @gabzjones omg gabz thank you ilu and I’m sorry I’m such a flake trfxcvujbkn /)u(\

7 Sentences

The rules are as follows: go to page 7 of your WIP, go to the 7th line, share 7 sentences, and tag 7 more writer-bloggers to continue the challenge.

Slowly, as if all his motion settings have been reset, Yuuri turns around. And Victor, the blessed man that he is, gives him a little polite smile that freezes Yuuri's brain and sets his heart on fire all in the span of one second.

Fuck, Yuuri thinks to himself again. Oh fuck.

"Hello," Victor says, a perfect smile on his perfect face that sits on his perfect head on his perfect neck on his perfect shoulders and his perfect chest and his–

"Hi," Phichit replies, a smile on his own face, too. "It's amazing to meet you. We're both big fans, but I guess everyone tells you that."

bc I’ve done nothing but write my victuri bang fic for about a month now, that’s what this is from! look forward to it in october ;3

I’ll tag the writers my mind instantly thought of, so @dreaming-fireflies, @belovedyuuri, @teekettle, @the-world-of-illyas-james, @kazul9, @stammiviktor, and @iwritebetterthanispeak!

tagged by @the-world-of-illyas-james, thank you!!

Ao3 Tag Game 

WHAT IS YOUR TOTAL WORD COUNT ON AO3?

920344, which tbh I’m sure will go up after I post this bang fic I’m working on so??? kinda excited to hit 1mil ngl 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU WRITE?

I definitely try to write every day but sometimes life gets too busy so I usually keep it to short headcanons and plot bunnies then but I will definitely get at least one to two sentences out there daily ^u^)b

DO YOU HAVE A ROUTINE FOR WRITING?

sure do! I love setting up a scented candle to get the mood going, turn on some music or ambience and pop open an energy drink while I keep some sweets on hand to get my sugar levels up high. it works perfectly for me!

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE KINKS/TROPES/PAIRING?

Kinks: oh boy... I’m very into soft and sensual, but hard voyeuristic frick frack involving fluffy tail buttplugs and pet play? count me tf in ;3c Tropes: soulmates, rivals, enemies to lovers, creature fic, hanahaki, Pairings: victuuri, the one and only 🙏

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE FIC OF YOURS?

it’s definitely dazzle me with gold! but since it’s my fic with most kudos, I will talk about my second fav here, which is oh ye of so little faith, a miyusawa fic that I wrote for a bang once upon a time and which I put my very heart and soul into, and love to pieces even tho it’s been years

YOUR FIC WITH THE MOST KUDOS?

dazzle me with gold, my magnum opus, which I couldn’t be more proud of bc it’s all I love in a fic: historical setting, drama, werewolves, mystery and so much love it’s sickening ❤️

ANYTHING YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING?

not really? tho recently I hate that I can’t seem to write short things anymore 😂😂😂

NOW SOMETHING YOU DO LIKE (ABOUT YOUR WRITING)?

I think I’m fairly good at grasping the characters I’m writing, and I know for sure that my soft/sweet/floof levels are running VERY high, so I’m definitely proud of that!

I’ll tag @gabzjones, @louciferish, @saniika, @postingpebbles, @muttthecowcatridesagain, @yuliaplisetskaya, and @joeys-piano! 😘

tagged by @teekettle, thank you tati! ❤️

Favorite Character Tag Game 

Rules: name your top 10 favorite characters from 10 different fandoms and then tag 10 people.

victor nikiforov

miyuki kazuya

hinata shouyou

aomine daiki

giotto

voldemort

hakuryuu

uzumaki naruto (and his daddy bc I’m baking two pies in one oven and I need my best hubby here FOR REASONS)

portgas d. ace

grimmjow jaggerjack

wow this got me so nostalgic for my lovely boys ❤️ I’m going to send @story-kat, @tetsya, @littorella, @accioharo, and @hentipie down the memory lane next, have fun~ 😘

hooo boy this was a lot to get through but it was fun! thanks again to everyone who tagged me, you guys rock and I’m a dick for procrastinating on this so hard I’m sowwie  (╥﹏╥)  I’m blessed to have such lovely friends like you, so once again: thank you for remembering about me (≧◡≦) ❤️

[minowen]

my life is a disaster and i want to stop existing, jfc

there's a few key characters: Tim, my BFF forever and always Zach, one of Tim's BFFS who lives in NC Ty, Zach's cousin, also Tim's friend Amber, Zach's wife Kacey, Ty's girlfriend Julie, Ty's mother Josh, Ty's brother

so back in Nov. Zach comes to me (we met in October) and says that he and Amber are getting divorced and he could really use some emotional support. This is a HUGE thing to experience, so I offer him my support. We talk about it a lot. He say she cheated on him 3 times and the only reason he never left her was because they have a 3 year old son-- and like holy smokes, kids complicate everything so I totally understand

so we get to talking and he is discussing how he is working a lot (he works at Lowes) and is worried about doing the holidays separate this year . I send him some things for his son for Christmas--all books and educational toys, and even some things from my childhood that were well kept (action figures and what not) we end up getting really close during this period, because he is coming to me almost every day however, he hasn't told Tim or Ty & Josh about all of this he says he isnt ready for it to be public men are weird-- but I promise I won't tell any of them. After all, it is none of my business fast forward a little, Zach starts getting flirty with me. I don't notice right away (oops) and just sort of brush it off. But shit after all the hell I've helped him through I can't help but feel some sort of way about him too. I still don't really know what that feeling was, because I also have never met the man in person in a way, I almost felt responsible for him as weird as that sounds

it get's better, this is when things get saucy. Zach and I are going pretty steady in our Not-a-relationship, relationship we know there's something going on here, but we never really label it

By April, this has been going on for a few months. I fly back to Colorado to see Tim He works at UNC and Zach makes a comment and says, "Are you ever going to come see me?" And I was like, "I mean, you've never invited me to come. I may? I will be a 6 hour drive from your house all summer." And then he makes some comment about how he finds it odd that I flew to see Tim three times this year and never asked to come see him and I was like, "Well with everything you're dealing with, I didn't find it appropriate to ask for that." honestly, it just never crossed my mind. I figured I'd see him when I drove to Asheville, since I knew I was stopping at Ty's house and Ty only lives an hour away from Zach

if he had asked, -- I would have gone. I was that emotionally invested in this boy

but he never asked me to come

So anyways, while I am in Colorado with Tim, Zach is 1. super jealous of Tim? and 2. Calling me every day with some new crisis

the last day I am in CO he tells me that there's some girl stalking him from work, and he's suing Amber for custody of their son Zach is jealous of Tim because Tim & I have a well-established friendship and we really care about each other? And in another life, we were probably soul mates lmfao but we are happy with our friendship the way it was but Zach thinks Tim is a threat to whatever not relationship we have So with this new crisis, I drop everything to talk to Zach for like TWO HOURS

while I'm with Tim (but you know, I have to tell Tim something else is going on bc Zach doesn't want him to know about the lawsuit) I keep it from Tim out of respect for what Zach wants and I spend the next few days looking up NC state laws trying to help him figure out how he can get custody of his son and then one day I wake up... and Zach has blocked me on EVERYTHING (this was the very end of April) and I'm not entirely sure why he blocked me he just did even my phone number

so I'm a little in shock and sad and it's finals week at BG, so I'm already manic but I focus on school and decide not to worry about it the mean time, I confide in Ty and ask him if Zach said anything to him Ty doesn't know anything, but he is happy to talk to me and cheer me up a week or so goes by, and Ty and I start making plans for the summer. I am driving to his house in VA and we are going to spend a few days together before I head to NC and Ty is watching Oakley while I wait on my accessibility papers to come through we start looking for things we can do in June-- things that are short drives from where I am or where he is-- and things that we can meet up at basically, we decide "Fuck Zach, we are still going to make the most of the time we have" on my drive to VA back on May 17th Ty calls me so that we can figure out dinner plans Ty tells me that he heard from Zach finally and apparently Amber, Zach's wife, found out he was cheating on her. And I was like "wat" And Ty tells me that Zach was apparently caught sleeping with some girl he works with at Lowes. (so it wasn't me she found out about, but I was shocked because 1. he told me they were completely separated. 2. he was also then cheating on me??? So Ty is telling me ALL THIS TEA about Zach and I finally just sort of cave, because I'm sad and angry and I tell Ty EVERYTHING that had been going on, even though I promised Zach I wouldnt

IT GETS BETTER So i tell Ty that Zach and I were seeing each other but I didn't know Amber was still around So Ty is like "Wow. I'm so sorry that Zach did that, but I'm not surprised." Ty is literally a ray of sunshine and he is very supportive and assures me that it wasn't my fault this happened we ended up having sex... part of me was allowing it to happen out of pettiness cause I knew he'd tell Zach and I wanted Zach to be mad it was a bad decision on my end, and I probably shouldn't have allowed it to happen oops whatever we both agree that it was just a one time thing, we aren't going to go down that path Ty and I were happy just being friends.

So anyways, fast forward. Ty and I haven't really changed our relationship at all.  We still talk every day-- he does flirt with me a little, but it doesn't seem like anything out of the ordinary. Last Wednesday he asks me to drive to his mothers house this past Friday so I could get my dog his mom lives 4 hours from me, so i'm staying the night there-- and it's her birthday so he told me she'd be really excited to have someone to talk to and hang out with to celebrate she's totally fine with me coming, she's excited to meet me (he says) er name i Julie, and I really love her. She's so sweet.  We end up watching a movie all together. So I'm sitting on their couch and Ty is laying with his head in my lap (mostly because there's not a lot of seating options) and he keeps putting my hands on his head because he wants me to scratch his head lmfao okay. And then he keeps holding my hands and it's fine. HIs mother asks if we are dating and we both say no she says, "Oh my, I thought you were. Are you just really close?" and we just sorta pause and say, "yes, we are." she says, "Do you both mind sharing a bed? I only prepared one of my guest rooms... I thought you all were dating so it didn't even occur to me." we say it's fine so when we get ready to go to bed-- at this point, I'm so confused. Ty has been flirting with me all day and I'm just not sure how to process my fickle ass kind of likes it lmfao

so i was rebound and I was like no and at this point I was already having my own internal conversation bcause I was not trying to catch feelings for him because 1. he's not my type 2. he's zach's cousin 3. he wouldn't really mesh well with any of my friends 4. he's zach's cousin 5. he's vulgar 6. he's zach's cousin???? 7. his brother is really attractive and i can't handle that like Ty's brother is so handsome. like why would I settle for Ty when i could have Josh?

Ty is cute-- but his brother is beautiful NEVER SETTLE FOR APPETIZERS WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE ENTREE so the worst part-- despite all of this shit i still caught feelings and I caught them HARD so embarrasing

and then on Sunday... Ty messages me

he tells me we can't be friends any more because he told Kacey (the girl he was seeing) and he wants to try and work things out with her and the only way he can do that is if he doesn't talk to me

SHE IS MARRIED

so ty says we can't be friends anymore, we aren't allowed to talk at all

so I go to Tim and tell him and he is furious FURIOUS because apparently Ty came and confessed to him that he has a lot of feelings for me and wanted to know how to pursue them and Tim was like, "Yeah I can help-- this is what shadae likes, these are things you can do together, these are things they don't like-- blah blah"

so Tim was so angry because Ty lied to him too and the worst part is that his fucked me up so bad so bad last night I went to a fast food chain that Ty introduced me to and I cried because I wanted to tell him I went but I couldn't

and then this morning I went to my office and I cried because for the past two weeks, I spent a lot of time on the phone with Ty while I was in my office because I knew he wouldn't be calling me

[ryanthatsgay2]

All of the above

oh boiokay some of the questions i didnt understand so i skip it (MAH ENGLISH IS BAD K-)1) Okay so my real name is Gia Nghi (also its not Gi-a Gi)2)I have a lot xD,my friends create me a nickname that i love the most and that is “Hentai King” and sometime they call me Susan ((IN CASE U DIDNT KNOW SUSAN IS JUST MY NICKNAME XD NOT MY REAL NAME))3) Aquarius4) Mortal Kombat and QQ Speed :D5) Dear Starboy6) Both7) None8) Dont have one-9) Chocolateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee10) Dayum11) Cavetown - This Is Home12) So...can ya tell me more about yaself ?13) Jfc14) I did15) Undertale theme song16) South Park17) Both18) MLP the movie19) Cavetown - This Is Home20) Mortal Kombat and QQ Speed21) Loosing friends24) Cats ÒwÓ25) None26) Winter27) Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes, with...Coffee28) My friends29) I CAN MADE A LIST OF MAH BFFS-30) Gray kinda black31) Black and a lil bit of dark brown/red32) My BFFs and Coffee33) ME MYSELF AND I (BFFS)34) Coffee35) Boxes...i love box-36) ...what does obsession means-37) MLP (still) and TAWOG38) nahhhhhhhhhh-40) Eddsworld, Camp Camp, memes, Undertale,flower crowns, books-41) i do have Anthropophobia42) Behind it43) Draw UwU44) Hachiko 45) MLP the movie46) Ukulele ^q^ (im still bad at it-)47) Wolf48) 5 ?? shizzzzzzzzzzzzzzi follow too many- 49) Well i wish i have the power to fly and read ppl mind xD50) By eating some cake or cupcakes while listening to undertale music51) Kinda52) When im in a bookstore53) BFFs and cupcakes/cakes54) On because i like it more55) Lazy potato56) This is mah home-57) Coffee and ramune 58) About a few months ago59) N-No...61) I never went to one XD62) NOPE-63) i want to be a waitress in a coffee shop 64) nope65) too many-66) Loosing friends67) Kinda68) My old class and internet friends69) everything ???70) yes, imagine a dying whale and thats how i sound like71) I wish i can talk to my senpai without making everything awkward-72) ADOPTED ALL DOGGOS73) I never did cuz in vietnam, in my school I CAN NEVER SKIP IT-74) too many75) In Japan76) Yes i do but...they hate me so they left-77) Beautiful night sky78) NIGHT OWL FOR LIFE-79) Sunsets80) im not old enough-81) i never have one82) Earphones83) nope84) Scars on my arms and legs are because my cats85) Does lofi count ?86) Mahself87) None88) SoMeOnE ToUcHeS mY cAkEs89) real book90) lazy potato92) English and P.E93) Single child94) Cakes95) 4'7ft96) I can cook a house97) Yes ^^98) Flower crowns, musics, bffs99) Spicy things, Kids (under 5), and...idk100) Both101) Both102) I was born in 2006Part 2 comin' soon

[praesidioest]

Gladnis Week - Day 2

for @gladnisweek​

Day 2 - Wearing each other’s clothes

Chapters: 2/7 Fandom: Final Fantasy XV Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia/Ignis Scientia, gladnis Additional Tags:  Canon Divergent AU, fluff, domestic, slice of life, domestic angst, jfc can they kiss already (no never), slow burn, iono man Summary:   An argument about clothes becomes an examination into the nature of their relationship.

AO3 link: here!

He’d been talking about the baseball game all week. Not just talking. Enthusing. Lineup changes and last minute trades, spouting off a litany of statistics about cumulative ERAs and some philosophical diatribe about the Designated Hitting rule that went on for probably far longer than it should have, encouraged by lips loosened with a few beers and Ignis’s bemused epistemological inquiries.

Ignis had done his best to support Gladio’s interests by researching appropriate sports fan fare for such an occasion, taste-tested and kid-approved by none other than the resident ‘plebeian,’ Prompto: sourdough soft pretzels, buffalo chicken mini pizzas, the ubiquitous hot dog dressed with some ungodly topping of sauerkraut and onions that sounded so unappetizing that he'd insisted on making it himself from scratch, to ensure it wasn't imported from the bowels of hell. He’d even made a point to research enough for at least a cursory knowledge of the game, but he found he preferred hearing Gladio speak of it himself, listening to the lilt and candor in his voice as he did so.

“So are you saying you’re for or against the Designated Hitter?” he asked, reaching for a serving tray at the top of Gladio’s cabinet. “I can’t be sure, they way you enumerate your pros and cons. You’re a fan of the Crown City Crests, aren’t you? They’re in the Caelum League, which does, if I remember correctly, allow for the DH within the lineup? Though I have heard you speak highly of the Lestallum Lights, who are in the Lucis League, and do not. Statistically speaking, don’t teams belonging to the Caelum League boast higher RBIs than those of Lucis? So why would anyone be against it? It seems only beneficial.”

“First of all, that’s just unfair of you, talking baseball while wearing my Crests jersey,” Gladio said with a shake of his head, pointing his beer bottle at him like an erstwhile threat. “One or the other, but those in tandem is sort of ruining me right now, if I’m perfectly honest.”

From the open counter of the kitchen, Ignis smiled as he arranged some pigs-in-a-blanket on the serving platter. A little smugly, if Gladio surmised correctly. “Prompto assured me I looked quite dashing,” he informed him.

“Shit on the Six, yeah, you do,” Gladio agreed, raising his beer in toast to the fact, and taking a generous swig of it for good measure. “But. Returning to your question: I can see both sides of the coin here. DHs make for a more dynamic game, overall. I mean, who wants to see a pitcher struggling through the bottom of an inning, when he was posturing like a goddamn hero at the top of it? At the same time, I like the cohesion of the same nine men on the field. It feels like a real team that way, not like you’re bringing in a ringer. Which is exactly what a DH is.”

“Ah,” Ignis replied, in that sage way of his, espousing that exaggerated interest with which one might indulge a child.

“Am I boring you?” Gladio asked, half joking and a little nervous he’d hear that he was. “I know baseball isn’t your thing.”

“On the contrary, I find your passion for it quite interesting,” Ignis assured him smoothly, walking a plate of food over, along with two longneck bottles of craft beer. Even if I don’t quite understand the particulars of your argument fully.”

He’d almost memorized Gladio’s apartment to a tee. Forty-five degree angle from the kitchen counter, six steps towards the lamp light before he’d hit the coffee table, and then it was just a matter of finding the corner of it to round and take his seat beside Gladio.

“I never did get into baseball,” Ignis continued, settling himself beside Gladio and letting his heavy arm drape over his slender shoulders and pull him close. “Though, I did enjoy football for a time.”

“Football,” Gladio repeated, and the disbelief was apparent, even in the flat of his delivery. “What, seriously?”

“Mm,” he affirmed wordlessly, swallowing down a mouthful of the bitter brew. “I think it was expected that I would find the systematicity of statistics interesting. But there’s a fair amount of strategy involved in football that I prefer. I believe someone once referred to it as the thinking man’s game. It appealed to me.”

Gladio nodded pensively. “I mean, it’s true. For all your lineup plans and pitching changes and whatever else, there’s no strategy that can be implemented until you hit that ball. And then it’s a team effort to see you home. Or keep the other team from it. A lot is luck, some of it chance. I can see football appealing to you. It’s like chess. But with people. Large people.” Gladio squinted. “You don’t have a type, do you?”

Ignis laughed, ducking his head to ignore the question with another sip of his beer. “I don’t think I’ve enough practical experience for you to deduce any pattern of behavior concerning what my type is. But yes. It did appeal to me. I used to sit in the library and read stratagem manuals thicker than phone books. Sometimes, when I rented them out, I’d fall asleep with them on my chest and wake up in the middle of the night thinking I was suffering some asthma attack.”

Gladio laughed and kissed him indulgently on the cheek. It was then that he happened to notice a bright red spot of sauerkraut on his chest. “Here,” he said, grabbing a handful of napkins and daubing it at the stain. “You’ve got red on you.”

“Do I?” Ignis asked, at once worried and touching his chest to discern the worst of it.

“Right here,” Gladio replied, still working the stain. “I think I’ve got all of it.”

“My apologies,” Ignis said soberly—more soberly than the occasion demanded— putting down his plate and standing to brush the crumbs of hot dog buns from the front of his shirt. “I should change before I stain it further.”

“I don't have any more jerseys for you to look cute in,” Gladio called as he watched Ignis shuffle away towards his bedroom, staring with unabashed appreciation of his backside.

And though Ignis could not see, he was well-aware of the certainty of those eyes trained on him. “Then I shall have to go naked,” he announced grandly as he went to root through his dresser anyways, a pleased grin hidden with the turn of his head.

Ordinarily, Gladio wouldn’t have hesitated to say something suggestive, something along the lines of complimenting his stellar ass or just wordlessly hooting his approval, like the neanderthal everyone purported him to be. But the subject had awoken a particularly sore spot for him that had been nagging at him for weeks. “Or you could just …. keep a change of clothes over here,” he offered, a little quietly, maybe a little sullenly.

Within Gladio’s room, Ignis had the momentous benefit of obscurity during which Gladio could not see his face, could not watch the growing degree of disconcert that knit his brow with every passing second.

Ignis paused, and outside, for Gladio, the silence loomed. “Nonsense,” Ignis said with a hollow, counterfeit ease. “I wouldn’t dream of impinging upon your personal space.”

“Impinging— what?” Gladio almost spluttered, setting down his beer as he leaned forward to plant his elbows onto his knees, straining to see within his room to glean some sort of understanding of Ignis’s enigmatic statement. “What are you talking about? We’ve been dating for a month now. I think that warrants some latitude into my life.”

“Dating?” Ignis asked archly, the repetition buying him a moment of reprieve in which he might weigh his answers in spite of the harrowing tide of his racing heartbeat drowning the sound of his own thoughts. He was on tenuous ground here, and he knew it. He emerged from his bedroom in a soft, worn T-shirt that hung loose over his frame.

“Yeah,” Gladio replied sourly.

“Is that what this is?” As if the concept was a foreign one to him.

It was incontestably clear how Ignis’ attempts at lightheartedness were not as easily received as he’d hoped they would be. Gladio’s voice dropped to a low menace, belying the cold misery that twisted in his stomach at the way Ignis wanted to dismiss … whatever it was they had together. “Generally, when you spend as much time as possible with each other and sometimes sleep together— yeah, that’s what dating is,” Gladio pointed out, bitterness edging his tone. “Though, dating would would imply we’d go out. On dates. In public.” A beat. “Like we’re not afraid. Or ashamed, maybe.”

He’d expected Ignis’s hesitancy. It had taken him this long just to convince him to date him, it would stand to reason that he wouldn’t exactly jump headfirst into things. But what he hadn’t expected was his resistance.

“We don’t sleep together,” Ignis corrected, ignoring the rest of what Gladio had said, and the latter was near beside himself with hurt.

Gladio wasn’t a stranger to bullshit said in the heat of the moment—he’d gotten himself in trouble on more occasions than he’d cared to count in his younger, reckless years— and tried to slow the maddening pace of his heart, the bile on his tongue that threatened barbed words meant to sting and singe. “No, we don’t, not in any sense of the word,” Gladio agreed, his tone clipped.

And it was true. They hadn’t. Every night that Ignis deigned to spend at his had been spent in hours of furious communion of mouths employed in drawing dizzying ecliptics down the line of each other’s throats, feverish hands that mapped expanses of silken skin and twisted sinew, sought desperately for Ignis’s release as Gladio spoke words meant with the sweetest of intentions, delivered in poesy awkward upon his lips. But Gladio had been careful never to broach the topic of sex proper. “I thought it was important,” Gladio went on, his voice pitched low to preclude the waver of hurt in his voice. “That you knew that I was serious about you. I know your reservations. I know you don’t want to rush things. I don’t want to rush things either. But I didn’t expect to feel like I’m the only one in this.”

Ignis said nothing, leaning a little helplessly against the doorframe, haunting the threshold of the room in which they’d only just untangled themselves from last nights chaste lovemaking. The sigh of displeasure he let out had translated into one of irritation to Gladio’s ears, and in the latter’s oversensitive state, it rang hollow in his chest, echoed by the full, desperate thrum of a heartbeat racing to stave off the surely-advancing ache portended in the charged air.

“Can’t even deny it a little, huh?” Gladio asked, and the plaintiveness of the question was unmistakeable.

Ignis made a point not to sigh again, not to utter any sound or word that Gladio might take ill, quietly padding over on bare feet to slip into easily into his wide lap. “Do you really think I don’t care about this?” he asked, his fingers threading affectionately through the wisps of hair at his temple, stroking the shorn stubble there.

Gladio welcomed the weight of him there, quietly losing his mind over the rare display of audacious affection, but his stubbornness still heavy in his chest, clinging to the fine filaments of bitterness that purled around his ribs. “Hard to say.”

Ignis nodded his understanding, considered, and then spoke. “There are things I love about you, as you are. There are things I have always loved about you. We’ve known each other for so long. But there are things I love about you now that are difficult for me not to lose myself over.

I love that you look at me like a dock worker might eye a woman of ill repute. Don’t laugh, I mean it. I don’t think I’ve ever been desired the way you desire me. I don’t think I’ve felt desired before. I’ve always been aware of your eyes on me, Gladio, don’t think you’re subtle. I can tell— even blind— the expressions you wear: the sound of a grin pulling at your mouth, the way your voice turns a little dark when you frown. I can see every expression, cataloged in the back of my mind, and recalled sometimes startling clarity from so many years of marking your every whim and whimsy. Perhaps I regret it a little now, that I’ve waited too long, that I can no longer witness them, now that I might appreciate them with a different awareness.”

The silence that fell between them felt weighted, and Ignis tipped forward to touch their foreheads together, the points of their noses brushing affectionately. “I love that no matter how boldly you look at me, that in that room, you touch me like a consecrated thing, like I’m whole and holy, and I have never felt so adored in all my life.”

Ignis breathed a sigh as soft as a kiss against his Gladio’s lips. “I’ve never wanted anything for myself, you see. And I do now. Selfishly. I’ve never thought of myself as separate from the duty of my office. I’ve always lived like some tintype of a real person, vacant of any consideration of myself. And now, here I am, exploring what it means to want for the first time in all my life. And so I am, as you could understand, a little wary. Of myself, not of you.”

Gladio seemed to relax at that, the taut of his shoulders loosening under Ignis’ smoothing hands. “I don’t want to fall in love with the way you make me feel. I don’t want to fall in love with pretty words or sensations or sex. This is new to me, all of this, in ways it’s not so new to you. And therein lies my hesitancy. I want to be sure that when I tell you that I love you, I mean it. Without equivocation.” He kissed him softly, daring at last to do so with his final words. “I’m sorry, Gladio.”

Gladio let himself be kissed without making a move to reciprocate, but his arms circled Ignis’s waist the moment he broke heedfully from the kiss, crushing him to his chest as he buried his nose into the curve of his shoulder, breathing in the scent of his skin intermingled with the bloom of his freshly-laundered shirt, and wondered if that was what home smelled like. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled meaningfully into the fabric of his shirt. “I’m sorry I want too much of you. I’m sorry I want everything, everything, and that I’m impatient. I’m trying not to be, I am. I don’t want to overwhelm you, really I don’t—”

Ignis stopped his mouth with a kiss, followed by another that graced the peak of his cheekbone. “I know,” he assured him quietly. “I know. But I was remiss in not letting you know my mind. That was a fault of mine I readily admit to. One of those considerations I have yet to learn that comes with understanding someone else’s feelings, in veins heretofore unfamiliar to me. Be patient with me, I beg you. I’ll never intend to harm you, I can promise you at least that.”

“Nothing worth having ever comes easy,” Gladio said, turning his head press a kiss to the delicate hollow of his cheek. “I’ll be patient. I’ll wait, of course I will. I’ve waited decades for you, I’d wait decades more if you told me to.” He refrained from the declaration of vows Ignis was not ready to reciprocate, nodding as he repeated, “I’ll wait.”

Ignis kissed him, a light, quick thing laid upon his cheek, as he took up Gladio’s heavy hand and led him to the room, to the eruption of sonorous cheers from the baseball game on the television, already forgotten. “One of these days, you should spend the night at mine,” Ignis mused, falling back on Gladio’s plush bed and pulling him by the shirtfront down to follow.

“Yeah? Invite me over,” Gladio countered, settling easily between his thighs, his hands finding Ignis’ to twine their fingers as close as vines, his mouth already latched to the curve of his shoulder.

Ignis arched to meet the press of his broad chest, his arms draped easily around his neck as he tilted his chin up to offer more of his throat to be kissed. “I could dress you, then,” he went on, his breath hitching with flick of Gladio’s tongue against his skin. “Outfit you in something pristine and proper, like a gentleman. Have you ever worn formal attire? I don’t think I recall you in anything outside untidy school uniforms and hooded sweaters when we were younger. It would be a fascinating prospect, I think.”

“What’s wrong with the way I dress?” Gladio laughed, unoffended. “And I used to wear a uniform for guard duties, remember?”

“That’s right!” Ignis exclaimed, grinning wide at the memory of Gladio in his staid uniform. “Those were nothing so sartorially impressive.” He grinned wickedly. “Or perhaps it was you who was the unimpressive one.”

“Hey—” Gladio objected, and Ignis ameliorated his offense with his a kiss.

“You do dress as though you’re allergic to shirts,” Ignis pointed out, and Gladio bit his shoulder. “That was uncalled for, you brute.”

“Unfortunately, you’ve discovered my devastating affliction.” Gladio admitted through a long, theatrical sigh. “I’m allergic to shirts. How did you know. But that also means—” He plucked at Ignis’s shirt. “Off.”

Ignis gave a little insincere groan of protest and pulled the shirt up over his head before settling back down with a brow quirked in defiant question. “Better?”

Gladio had been hovering over him, now slipping to press himself to Ignis’ side, a hand laid heavy just below his navel. “I’m allergic to these, too,” Gladio informed him, tugging lightly at his belt loops and giving a few paltry coughs in demonstration of his newfound affliction, to Ignis’s deepening frown.

“I’ll wait on the doctor’s note on that one,” Ignis decided, and Gladio fell upon him with a low, rumbling laugh.

“That’s fine,” Gladio said, settling on his chest, his head tucked beneath Ignis’s chin, his arms circling his waist. “I’ll wait.”

Ignis kissed the crown of his dark hair, his hands resting the broad bow of his back. “I know you will.”

[cherri-ice]

All the numbers

fuck you 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

uH MY CLOSE FRIEND LMAO? 2. Are you outgoing or shy?

lowkey both?? im more shy but if i know the person im incredibly outgoing 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

MY LOWKEY GF4. Are you easy to get along with?

oft no 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

YEP6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

ppl who are kind !! also ppl who could either break me or love me 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

,, hopefully8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

,,, can i say keaton henson bc his music makes me sob9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no but depending w who lmao :””^10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

mm i think my friend from school abt shitty people ngl 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

”do you think it’d be a good idea for me to run and get tea right now”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

ok jeez

1. cherry bomb - the runaways (wow, original)

2. all of sevdalizas songs ever

3. blood // water - grandson

4. charger - gorillaz

5. pools - glass animals

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YESYEYSYESYEYSYES. fuck yes.14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

mhm!!15. What good thing happened this summer?

err i mean, if u count summer as past summer then convincing my dang dad that i dont wanna stay at my shitty school lmao?? 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

depends on what kind of kiss !! but ye!!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

pfft, absolutely 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

,,, i dont think so tbh19. Do you like bubble baths?

HELL YE I DO20. Do you like your neighbors?

ngl i dont rly talk to them but they seem Nice21. What are your bad habits?

if i dont know someone all too well i tend to joke around w them?? idk its weird but i kinda get annoyed easy as well,, altho another bad habit is my flaky ass backing out of events sometimes22. Where would you like to travel?

i’d love to ,,, travel to scotland or france23. Do you have trust issues?

oh boy i do24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

going the hell to sleep again and wrapping myself up25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

every part w scars lmao26. What do you do when you wake up?

take my dang meds27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

,, idk?? i like my skin tbh but it could clear tf up28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope :””^ 30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes!!31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

ye lmao32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

,,, IM 16 LETS NOT GO HERE33. Spell your name with your chin.

aki34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i work out but i dont play sport lmao35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without tv, music is my lifeblood36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

almost always37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i try to joke abt smth usually38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone who cares for me smh39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

T2, I LOVE TEA,,, 40. What do you want to do after high school?

university or nap 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

yes!! unless they’re super shitty42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

i’m nervous, anxious or overthinking43. Do you smile at strangers?

i try to ??44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

oo fuck outer space ty45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

,, honestly talking to lovely ppl46. What are you paranoid about?

people abandoning me or being completely alone and shut in and just,, closed away from the world47. Have you ever been high?

tba48. Have you ever been drunk?

not rly lmao i have a high tolerance 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

,, UM,,, lowkey yes50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

olive51. Ever wished you were someone else?

before, yes. now? nah, i’m pretty good 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

highkey wish i was less anxious 24/7

53. Favourite makeup brand?

NARS. nars. or kat von d altho i hate what she stands for

54. Favourite store?

T255. Favourite blog?

,, idk? 56. Favourite colour?

blue / green!!57. Favourite food? 

creme brulee58. Last thing you ate?

a rly good double cheese burger59. First thing you ate this morning?

croissant60. Ever won a competition? For what?

knowledge of novels for school!! or art wise, i’ve won a few comps inside our school61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope62. Been arrested? For what?

nada63. Ever been in love? 

smh i fall in love,, way to easily64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

,, jeez i hate the person who it was with, but it was underneath the harbour bridge after chocolate strawberries and a picnic,, she asked if she could kiss me and i said yes65. Are you hungry right now?

jfc not rly im super content tbh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

no @official-akko is a binch (im kidding i love u)67. Facebook or Twitter?

fb68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?

nope but i was watching law and order svu 70. Names of your bestfriends? 

beauty, my cat71. Craving something? What?

cuddling someone and gently lying my head on their chest 72. What colour are your towels?

white!!72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3 binch73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yes!!74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

on my bed is 2, but i think at least 5+ around 75. Favourite animal?

i love,, cats,,,, so fucking much 76. What colour is your underwear?

wouldn’t u like to know77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

mm cookies and cream?79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

dark bluuee80. What colour pants?

grey81. Favourite tv show?

right now its between brooklyn 99 and stranger things82. Favourite movie?

i will never stop loving mulan or the princess diaries 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls i guess 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

,, janis ian86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

uh the turtle smh87. First person you talked to today?

ash!! 88. Last person you talked to today?

rn, its niko89. Name a person you hate?

me90. Name a person you love?

ash91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

GOD this one asshole from school i will actually brawl92. In a fight with someone?

not rly?? idk93. How many sweatpants do you have?

at least 494. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

5!!95. Last movie you watched?

legally blonde pfft96. Favourite actress?

i lowkey love madelaine petsch97. Favourite actor?

shrugs loudly98. Do you tan a lot?

no im pale af99. Have any pets?

a cat!!100. How are you feeling?

tired, coffee makes me tired101. Do you type fast?

yep!! i can touch-type too so i dont even have to look most of the time as well lmao102. Do you regret anything from your past?

waayyy too fuckin much regret over what ive done to myself 103. Can you spell well?

ye!!104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

,, my grandma :105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

nope lmao106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

,, i think i have,,, 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes!! i go horseriding at least four times during the year108. What should you be doing?

sleeping probably109. Is something irritating you right now?

i have a fuckin itch on my leG110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yep,, oh boy 111. Do you have trust issues?

i already answered this lmao112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

,, my sister because i wanted her to comfort m e shes v sweet113. What was your childhood nickname?

”leash”114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes!!115. Do you play the Wii?

sometimes116. Are you listening to music right now?

i am, its glass animals :””^117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes!!118. Do you like Chinese food?

eh, iffy but i dont mind it!119. Favourite book?

THE NAME OF THE WIND BY PATRICK ROTHFUSS120. Are you afraid of the dark?

only a lil121. Are you mean?

,, i think i am sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?

never ever ever ever is it okay.123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

yes! if not i fuckin clean em wth124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not rly? i think love is something you have to grow and share together, kind of like a garden plant? works gotta go into it for it to blossom 125. Do you believe in true love?

i believe in it!126. Are you currently bored?

,, yea lmao127. What makes you happy?

memes, reading and tea ngl128. Would you change your name?

birthname? ye, probably lmao129. What your zodiac sign?

cancer! im an emotional fucking crab130. Do you like subway?

ye!131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

remind them im a lesbian132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

binnch this is a past question133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”Our skinIn time would tellCan I hold on to our genesIn my lifeI could not failWhen I run out will you leave?”

134. Can you count to one million?

i can but i’d loose track i have attention issues pfft135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

”i was late because my cat threw up one on of my school uniforms and i had to change”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed, idk who can trust anyone that much to keep them open137. How tall are you?

5′7!138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have wavy hair if this is asking m e139. Brunette or Blonde?

blonde140. Summer or Winter?

winter141. Night or Day?

night142. Favourite month?

july bc its cold and my birth month143. Are you a vegetarian?

nooppe144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk chocolate!145. Tea or Coffee?

tea146. Was today a good day?

meh, highs and lows 147. Mars or Snickers?

mars148. What’s your favourite quote?

either:a. “And what we learn about ourselves in those moments, where the trigger has been squeezed, is this: the past is not dead. There are things that wait for us, patiently, in the dark corridors of our lives. We think we have moved on, put them out of mind, left them to desiccate and shrivel and blow away; but we are wrong. They have been waiting there in the darkness, working out, practicing their most vicious blows, their sharp hard thoughtless punches into the gut, killing time until we came back that way.” from Trigger Warning (Short fictions and disturbances), neil gaiman

or

b. “Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.” - The name of the wind, patrick rothfuss

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes!! i believe that ghosts exist lmao, or at least guiding spirits 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“… but he left his doubts unspoken. Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.” - Game of thrones lmao

[thequeerexpoditionist-blog]

1-92

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? No I am not going to have sex with my aunt 
2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Yes
3. Have you taken someones virginity? No
4. Is trust a big issue for you? Ya boi
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Not outside of school sadly man
6. What are you excited for? Christmas break 
7. What happened tonight? I got ihop
8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Not really bc like let them live life yo
9. Is confidence cute? Yeah
10. What is the last beverage you had? Water
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? None
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Multiple 
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Probably hang out with my leopard gecko 
14. What are you going to spend money on next? Christmas gifts aND A BOWTIE JFC I NEED ONE
15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? no man I don't wanna
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Maybe
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Alex fo sho
18. The last time you felt broken? Yesterday 
19. Have you had sex today? No 
20. Are you starting to realize anything? Ya boi
21. Are you in a good mood? Sorta
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? YES FUCK YES PLEASE
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yeah
24. What do you want right this second? A good hug :/
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? As Donald Trump once said, "sad"
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? No
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nope
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? My dog being dumb 
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Ye
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Depends on who they are
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Hate? No highly dislike? Yes
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Idk probably?
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Yeah lmao
34. Listening to? Sapphire flirting woth herself
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yeah
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? No clue
37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Eh
38. Who did you last call? Ft with alex
39. Who was the last person you danced with? My friend at a bbq I went to
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? It was a dumb dare literally by her boyfriend 
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? The bbq I went to
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Always 
44. Do you tan in the nude? I don't tan, I burn
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No bc I was funny 
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No
47. Who was the last person to call you? My grandma 
48. Do you sing in the shower? Always 
49. Do you dance in the car? ALWAYS 
50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yeah
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Yesterday in photography class lmao
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yes but I love them bc of that
53. Is Christmas stressful? Yeah
54. Ever eat a pierogi? A what
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Blueberry fuck me uP
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Teacher
57. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Uhh always 
59. Take a vitamin daily? Multiple 
60. Wear slippers? No
61. Wear a bath robe? No
62. What do you wear to bed? Big shirt and underwear 
63. First concert? some country singer dude at the rodeo when I was hella young 
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target
65. Nike or Adidas? Nike
66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Yes
68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? None
69. Ever take dance lessons? Yeah when I was way younger
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Idk
71. Can you curl your tongue? Sorta I think
72. Ever won a spelling bee? No
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes
74. What is your favorite book? Dark Parties 
75. Do you study better with or without music? Either way
76. Regularly burn incense? Yeah 
77. Ever been in love? Yepp
78. Who would you like to see in concert? Blackbear fuck of khalid 
79. What was the last concert you saw? House On Cliff man I miss them 
80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot
81. Tea or coffee? Tea
82. Favorite type of cookie? Macadamia nut 
83. Can you swim well? Sorta
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yeah
85. Are you patient? Most of the time, but I act impatient a lot to be jokingly overdramatic 
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Band
87. Ever won a contest? No 
88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope
89. Which are better black or green olives? Ew and ew
90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Do whateva man
91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room
92. Do you want to get married? Yeah I think