#how do you spell realsing

[eggrestes]

um you're reading that episode wrong.. It's not about fading feelings, Marinette isn't losing her crush on Adrien, she's just trying to force herself to get over it because she thinks it's the reason she lost in Strike Back. She's sad about the idea of letting her love for him go, just like Adrien was sad about trying to force himself to stop loving Ladybug

I KNOW I AM!! it's just that one frame lives in my brain rent free (and a case of self projection). it's still so sad though. marinette realsing she cant force her feelings to change because that's just not how feelings work

[sleepykingtae]

Everything Is Destined ¦ Yoonmin + Drarry (Part 1?)

Yoongi being selected us a Slytherin who hangs out with Malfoy and Jimin, the Gryffindor, hangs out with Potter. I wonder what would happen

parings; yoonmin, drarry, ronmione

fandom; bts + harry potter

genre; humor, romance

"Gryffindor" The loud cheer came from the third table as a response. The orange haired who sat on the stool could be oddly be mistaken for a Weasley.

The Sorting Hat was softly taken off his head and was placed right back down on the stool next to Professor McGonagall.

The boy proudly made his way to the table, plopping right down next to the friendly twins who began to evilly grin at him like a Cheshire Cat. Their beaming smiles were mischievous almost like they were ready to jump on him any point.

The boy turns to look around thinking how surreal it was to him. To be in a world filled with magic, and it was actually real!

"Slytherin" A close-mouthed cheer came from the last table. The orange haired boy named Jimin looked around confused, trying to find the source of the cheer. His very own table didn't seem as thrilled as another one joined another ranks.

The boys hair was one of mint, which suited his house choice very well. The mint boy makes his way silently and precisely, almost like a snake, to his table. The orange haired boy follows the mint's trail as he slides his way in the middle of Malfoy and Parkinson.

He places his own face in between his hands already looking bored for a 12 year old.

"Harry Potter."

The hall fills with the whisper of all, students and teachers. The rumour of the Harry Potter coming to Hogwarts was true.

The raven hair looked slightly confused with the added fuss with his name. Nevertheless, he made his way, reluctantly, to the stool and had the Sorting Hat take its place on his head.

The Sorting Hat seemed to take a longer time to decided them most, making people anxious to see the result. Jimin could see Harry vaguely moving his lips, whispering to the Hat.

'Is he telling him which house he wants? Is it rigged?' Jimin thinks to himself, growing more and more jealous by the second.

"Gryffindor!"

Harry slid the hat off his own head and handed it back to the Professor.

The huge congratulations from the Gryffindor house traveled throughout the hall as the raven haired boy quickly making his way to the space next to Jimin.

'I wonder, why is he so famous in his first year?' Jimin ponders to himself.

Jimin was a muggle-born at heart. His parents were delighted when they found out their son was the first magical being in the family during the time Jimin received his acceptance letter to Hogwarts.

He would often do accidental magic when he was younger that led to his parents trying researching the matter.

When Jimin bought his books, wand and school uniform, he didn't realize how much of a disadvantage he was at.

During the last couple of weeks, he was only able to catch up with some simple charms spells, and a bit about potions ingredients.

"Who's that?" With Jimin's pondering, he was only able to catch the end of Harry's question or the rest of the peoples houses.

Jimin notices there was another Ginger next to Harry who was probably another Weasley. And there was a bushy brown haired girl with peculiar large front teeth.

The person from Harry's question was a Professor dressed in darker than black robes, he was talking to another Professor in similar purple robes with a matching turban placed on his head.

"That's Professor Snape. He teaches potions, but we all know he's looking at the Dart Arts position. He knows an awful lot about the Dark Arts, Snape" George says turning his head - he had been talking to his brother, and meet Harry's eyes.

"What about the other one?" Jimin blurts out, turning bright red when realsing his outburst. The right Weasley twin slowly turn to him and answers his question as well.

"The other is Professor Quirrell, he's the Dart Arts Professor." He grins. But Jimin didn't pay any mind to that as Harry starts to wine, holding onto his scarred forehead. It seemed like it was burning him.

"Are you alright?" Jimin worriedly asked, holding onto his arm. As Harry seemed to be shaking his head out of confusion.

"Yeah" He draws out, Jimin could tell he was just confused as him so he decided to distract him.

"I'm Jimin Park, and your Harry Potter, right?" Harry nods his head slightly. "Why are you so famous?"

Several gasps were heard around the Gryffindor table.

"What?" Jimin looks around in confusion. Did he ask the wrong question?

"You don't know the Harry Potter" Hermione, the curly brown haired girl spoke from next to Neville.

"What's wrong with that?" Jimin pouts.

'I knew I should of read up on History of Magic before the slightly cooler stuff' He thinks to himself.

"He defeated He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named. He's a hero in the wizarding world"

"Oh okay" Jimin's shoulders slouche and he tried to make himself appear small.

After that everyone went back to their meals. However, Harry looked right back at Jimin to stare with a slight smile on his face. At least one person would like him for him.

When Jimin looks up again, he spots the green haired boy talking quietly to a blonde haired boy on the Slytherin table.

He looks back towards his meal and slides it away from himself.

✘✘✘

The Prefect's lead each of their houses to their new common room. Jimin followed behind the Gryffindor named Percy, another Weasley.

The Gryffindor's started towards the East Side of Hogwarts, Gryffindor Tower.

Ravenclaw went to the opposite side of the castle, the West Side of Hogwarts, Ravenclaw Tower.

Slytherin, The Dungeons.

Hufflepuff went towards the Basement near the kitchen.

The group of first years start to slow down until they stopped in front of a Fat Lady's portrait. This was it.

"Caput Draconis"

What?

The portrait opened to allow the first years and Percy through.

"It means Dragon's Head in Latin" Percy replies to him. Jimin looks around bewildered until he realized he was the one that said it.

"Um, thanks" He politely thanks. The orange haired boy then hides behind Harry to engage in less conversations.

The group makes their way forward scrabbling to make room for everyone to see.

The common room was a circular shaped room painted with the Gryffindor colours, red and gold respectively.

The room was packed with armchairs, tables and a large couch in front of a fireplace  mantle with an engraved lion, representing Gryffindor.

The walls were also plastered with Gryffindor flags and posters. There were also multiple windows letting a lot of light into the room.

The student bulletin board held ads for Quidditch, Herbology after school etc.

"All of your belongings should be stationed in your room" "Boys dormitories are located on the right set of staircase. The girls are on the left"

"There's a charm on the girl staircase which doesn't allow any of the boys up there. That should be it" Percy quickly turns around and stomps up to his room.

All of the first years make their way to their rooms. The moon was rising as it was growing closer and closer to midnight.

Jimin heads to his room, seeing his trunk and his cat, Jas.

"Jas!" He exclaims, running over to his calico cat to cuddle her to his chest. Jas starts to purr, bringing her head closer to his neck.

✘✘✘

Jimin Park ended up sharing his room with Harry Potter, Ron Wealsey, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, and Neville Longbottom.

They all settle down to bed, waiting for their day of magic learning at Hogwarts.

Whilst, Jimin sat himself down near the window, stroking his cat. All he could think about was He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named and the mint haired boy in Slytherin.

He had no idea why.

[donewithallthi5]

6th May - First draft feedback

Again the feedback I received from my supervisor was even more helpful than I could have anticipated. She has gone through the script line by line and pointed out any issues or narrative points that could be improved. I am pleased that she liked the ending. This is the aspect of the script I had put in the most thought into. The fact the ending comes across as emotional and powerful I believe shows that my script so far looks like it should be a success because, as said in previous post, the short films with great endings are the ones that stick with audiences.

Main points from feedback:

·         The way a voice over should be put in a script

·         Descriptions of characters and ages need to be made clear

·         Tenses in the script must be present

·         Sandra needs to be present in script

·         She made a point, which I agree with now, that Joseph would not lash out and punch the wall if he is in the acceptance phase.

·         The scene where Mary is murdered needs to be flushed out more

·         Still need more visuals

Feedback:

Script notes: TO WHOM I LEAVE - Owen Baker

 Well done on writing a first draft!

 Your layout looks good - but check that everything is written in PRESENT TENSE - as there are times that you slip into past tenses.

 When you first introduce JOSEPH - put his name in CAPITALS on introduction - and also describe him. Tell us his age, first impressions in how he looks, his attitude. It just takes a few words, but you need to create him so we can see him.

 Couple of typos in scene 1 = starring = staring, wrtite = write

 When you do a Voice over - you should put it like this, on same line as character name:

 JOSEPH (V.O)

 In 2nd scene, tell is the YEAR. You can either do that in the TRENCHES line, or as a caption over the images. But saying '20 year old Joseph' makes no sense unless we know how old he was in 1st scene! Yes, you need to tell us he is 20 here - but get his age in scene before.

 Watch your tenses in this scene, you slip into the past: looked-looks. Spelling - concered - concerned

 I think you can gives us more IMAGERY in this scene, it feels a bit underwritten in terms of trench activity. I like how there's a letter to link it though.

 Beware using the word 'suddenly' in scripts. It stops the action feeling 'sudden' - as you are stopping it being a surprise by saying 'suddenly. 'Artillery begins to EXPLODE' feels more active (you should put sounds in capitals).

 Nice link, the artillery to the echoed shouting in prison - caps = SHOUTING

 Train station scene - check tenses.

 Spelling payed = paid.

 Will be clearer if you say he looks at BABY PHILLIP - and can you use more images here? You don't give us enough at times. I'm not seeing MARY, age, first impressions? Is she excited, anxious? You need to dig deeper into the characterisation of your characters. Even the baby - it's invisible on the page. Saying 'You were an ugly kid' is a fun line - but I want to see the baby too!

 Look at the end point of each of your scenes. Most of them seem to be ending with dialogue/voice over. That's okay to keep things flowing, it's the link, the glue within the structure. But if you can find strong images around these end points too, you can lift this up a level in terms of visuals. remember - cinema is cinematic. Visuals matter.

 Prison cell, 2, tenses. Not much going on here in comparison with the length of the VO.

 You talk a lot about SANDRA - but we never even see her in the script. Why not? Is there a point where Joseph sees her? As it's like he's telling us about someone who isn't even in the film. Yes, she may be in son Phillip's life - but she's not in the actual script!

 Sp Josephs sits - joseph. Tenses - put =puts

 This is where Phillip talks a lot about Sandra - but she's never in the actual script. Even if we just see them through a window, kissing. Something!

 Sp New = knew

 Your dialogue feels natural and realistic here.

 Prison cell. I didn't know why Joseph's hands were bloody... but I guess he has been punching the walls? Not convinced by that, psychologically - as it feels like him writing this letter is part of his 'acceptance' that his time is up. And punching walls feels more like anger. In the 'stages of grief' - which could connect in to J's emotions regarding his own situation (his imminent death) the stages are: DENIAL, BARGAINING, ANGER, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE. Which may be why the bloodied fists made me go???? As it doesn't feel like his current mood?

 I was intrigued by the line 'I'm sorry I ruined that day for you.' I hadn't originally realised that he's referring to the day of the actual dance (??? wouldn't a dance be at night?) Are J's questions more about what P did after the dance, with Sandra? It's not clear to me yet. So I'm like, is this about the dance, or a different day? Have a look at it (page 4) and see what you think, what you are trying to make the audience aware of - as I was a bit ??????

 It's clearer on page 5, that J is worried P had sex - and when Mary comes in, that's all good. The fight between them is good - the violence to Mary - and P getting knife and going against his dad is great.

 However - think about Phillip as a character. Is this is first time he has stood up to his dad? Grabbing a knife is a big deal - and it seems to come easily to Phillip. You say that the ''knife shaking in his hands and tears in his eyes' - which is great - but maybe that description comes in a bit late? Even a small thing like putting that description before saying 'Joseph looks at Phillip...' will put our focus on Phillip's action, rather than Joseph's reaction to it? It's worth a try.

 Sps - Joesphs grip =Joseph's - your - you're - Realsing = realising - starred- stare

 I like the VO in the garden, about P not getting in scraps. Watch your tenses though in action. Always use present tense!

 sp too = to

 pg 8 sp prsion - prison

 In this scene - you need to have Joseph ask the guard if he can make sure his son gets the letter. Even if he just says, 'It's for my son', or something.... It isn't done by psychic powers - it's done with DIALOGUE! You have the perfect opportunity to do that in this scene. 'Folds up the letter and gives it to the guard' isn't enough, is it? Especially as it is so important to Joseph. You can still have a line that gets this across, without giving away that his son is dead...

 The 'for what happened to your mother' line made me go 'OMG he killed her!'. But even though that made me go wow, it then meant that there was no surprise when that happens. Would it be better to say 'for what happened...' but take 'to your mother' our? Mmmm..

 Pg 8. You need to sort your ages out. You can't write 'Joseph looks the same age as in the cell' - as you never TOLD us how old he was in the cell. So put his age in 1st scene, and then you can tell us he is that age here. So we see it's the same timeline. Also - Mary will be older too. You are focusing so much on Joseph you are forgetting that the other characters matter too.

 Is there something that triggers J's attack here. Is 'Pass me the plate' enough?

 I made a notes here, that your dialogue in this scene, and sometime in others - feels a bit 'on the nose'. Sometimes that's okay, like when characters are angry and saying exactly what they feel - but if you look at your scenes and try to find the SUBTEXT - as in, what we understand from the lines which isn't said, where a line has more resonance as we know its real meaning.

 The trigger line' You should never have been a father' feels like it connects with your story - but can the end of this scene go a bit further and do more? Grabbing a glass and turning towards Mary didn't quite give me enough ooooomph. He is about to attack her, but I didn't get enough of that feeling of dread. Visuals, emotions, action - you can dig into these things more to make your scenes really pop.

 Next scene - what LOCATION in the PRISON? You need to be precise. Where are we and what are we seeing? Show more!

 The bottom of page 9 and top of 10 were, for me, the most successful part of your script - as you start to let the VO fall away, it stops explaining things, and instead you use your visuals and editing to progress the story. That is much more powerful. That is what I mean by subtext! The 'You deserved a different father' line is great!

 You may still be able to get a bit more out of the visuals here though.

 Also - the final scene, at the graveyard, will work better if you have an earlier exchange with the guard that is clearer. Somehow that last scene feels a bit fast - like I wanted to linger on this for a moment more, to take it in. Or maybe it just needs a beat to remind us that Joseph is dead too? His empty cell? Mmm, not sure. It could simply be a matter of seeing how it times out on the page. If you put a line gap between - 'places the letter down on the grave' and then 'He steps back' - that gives a pause before the reveal that it's the son's grave. Even a tiny pause on the page can affect the rhythms of a script in a precise way.

 So - a powerful ending, from page 9-10 really flies. You can go back to your earlier scenes, find more VISUALS and dig deeper into your CHARACTERISATION, of Joseph, Phillip, Mary. Look at your dialogue - and think about subtext. Even in the letter, are there times when you can pull more subtext out of that? The reason things work better towards the end is because, by then, the subtext is there. That '...you were everything...' line towards the end is so emotional! Page 9 -10, you nail it!

 Think about Sandra. There is a LOT of talk about her - but she never even appears, and I think you need to do something about that - even if it's just a nosy Joseph seeing her out the window? Kissing, an embrace? It just felt odd to me that she's set-up verbally, but is never paid-off.

 So... visuals, characterisation (including clarity on ages), subtext, tenses - all things to push forwards with in your next draft. Good luck!