#how do you screw up this bad. megan you know better i know you do what happened here

[bumpscosity]

was thinking abt how godawful dee day was like possibly the worst episode of the show and i thought i must've just been rly disappointed the first and only time i saw it bc there's no way an episode 14 seasons into a show could be THAT bad but i watched it again and. it really is

[repulsiveliquidation]

Alone || Leah Williamson

warnings : mentions of bullying, death, loneliness, rude namecalling. smut is at the end but i promise there is a happy ending. words in bold are from a poem above, but i can't remember who wrote it!

I like being alone was something that you always convinced yourself of growing up. Dad was always high on some binge drinking spree with his equally deadbeat friends and Mum tried her best to be a parent but with a useless father and barely any money coming in, you quickly learned how to keep yourself occupied and take care of yourself.

One day, the police showed up at your door and knocked. Mum stopped folding the laundry and you poked your head in just in time to hear the officers tell your mother that your father had tried to rob the local liquor store and was shot by the police who arrived on the scene. Having been ostracized from the community long ago due to your father’s behavior, the news of his death only increased the cold shoulder you and your mother got from the town.

Parents in your hometown seemed to teach their children bad manners from a young age; all the kids in school knew to stay away from you. No one sat with you at lunch, no one ever wanted you on their team for PE. God forbid you were paired up together for a group project, no one ever wanted your company.

Secondary school was rinse and repeat. No one sat with you at lunch, no one ever wanted you on their team for the science fair. Once, you were assigned the popular girl for the English project which was 25 percent of the class grade.

“You’re doing the whole thing yourself and you better not screw with my portion of the project, you got that you freak?” Megan warned, having cornered you in the girls’ changing room after class.

“I’d watch that tone if I were you, Meg,” came a voice from the end of the showers where you were cowering.

“Stay out of it Williamson or I’ll sock you!”

“I think you’re the only one about to leave here with a black eye Meg so I’d watch your tone.”

“You’re not defending the freak are you?”

“I’m doing what’s right, I’ve had it to here with your snarky attitude,” Leah challenged, grabbing the bully’s arm and pulling her away from you. “Leave her alone.”

“Fuck you, Williamson! Everyone will know you like the freak!”

“Call her that one more time and I’ll tattoo it across your forehead!”

Megan leaves the changing room with a loud huff and you hide yourself more in the shower cubicle. You’d never interacted with Leah Williamson before. You knew to stay far away from the popular girls and the captain of the girls’ football team was one of them.

Leah smiles kindly and reaches a hand out for you. You don’t take it immediately, half expecting her to make fun of you and demand you do her homework for her. Leah realizes this and shakes her head a little, sitting on the floor with you. You’re about to ask her to leave when she opens her mouth first.

“I’m sorry about her and all of them. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“I’m used to it,” you mumble, pulling your legs to your chest and hugging them.

“I’m Leah.”

“I know who you are,” you answer quickly, pushing yourself up to your feet. “You don’t have to pretend to be nice to me,” you say just as the tears threaten to fall. You do not need Leah to see them, it’ll give her one more thing to tell everyone about.

You grab your torn backpack and rush out of the changing room before she can answer you.

Leah stands there a little hurt, her efforts of extending an olive branch failing only motivate her more. She knew about the whole scandal or whatever it was that happened all those years ago but learned at a very young age that Amanda hated it all.

“You treat that family with the same respect you give everyone else, Leah you understand? No one deserves such unkind neighbors.”

You do not know what compelled you to sit in the stands of Leah’s football game against a rival school. There was a ticket in your locker with a note hoping to see you there. Thinking it was a prank, you wanted to throw it away but decided against it, which meant that the cloudy England sky and shitty concession food was your plan for the afternoon.

“Hi, you got my ticket!”

You had your eyes glued to your phone, your hat pulled down over your eyes to block out the stares you normally got. But that familiar thick local accented voice rang loud in front of you, you looked up to see Leah grinning at you with her mother Amanda right behind her.

“You put the ticket in my locker?” you asked sheepishly, watching as Amanda sat next to you.

“Yes darling, her father couldn’t make it and she didn’t waste it so she wanted to give it to you.”

You look up at Leah and her grin is almost brighter than it was before. She was all dressed and ready for the game, hand reaching out to pat your head before running back onto the pitch.

“I’m so glad you’re here, I hope you stay the whole game!” she yelled out, jogging towards the rest of her teammates.

“She didn’t have to give me the ticket,” you mumble under your breath. More people are staring now, you could feel it. Amanda reached around your shoulders and rubbed your back, smiling down at you.

“No, but she insisted.”

Leah was relentless in her pursuit of you. There were more notes in your locker that were not malicious. They were written in the same writing as the first letter that had a football ticket in it, always signed LW.

Soon the letters became more personalized and directly from Leah. People talked a lot in this town and word got out fast that Leah was making friends with the freak. She didn’t seem fazed, the teasing she could endure; the bullying you normally received almost doubled overnight.

Ever since Leah started giving you the letters in person, all the people who had crushes on her had increased their hatred of you.

You were walking home after one of Leah’s games, headphones in and head down like always. You didn’t see them coming for you and didn’t hear them either. Megan and her girls had followed you the whole way until you turned into a dark alley; it was a shortcut to your house and you’ve never seen anyone else use it before.

Carla pulled your hair first. You turned and before you could defend yourself, Megan slapped you across the face. Alice tripped you as you tried to run away, slipping face-first into a muddy puddle left by the rain that morning. Rebecca, the ring leader, grabs your shoulder and turns you around, eyes seething with anger.

“I have wanted Leah Williamson for a very long time, you pathetic little bitch. What the fuck did you do to her in that bathroom that day when Megan was beating sense into your stupid brain huh?”

“Being a bully isn’t a quality I look for in a girl, Becca.”

Leah stands there with her kit still on and her hair sticking to her forehead. Her hands on her hips and chest heaving suggest she ran all the way here. She looks down at you before stepping towards you and reaching a hand out to you. You take it this time and she pulls you up and into a hug.

“Are you okay?” she asks, brushing your hair out of your face. You nod and she cups your cheek, thumb rubbing over your cheekbone that was slightly red from Megan’s slap earlier.

“What did I say about testing my patience, Rebecca?”

“Leah, she’s the town freak! What could you possibly see in her?”

“Everything I don’t see in you, Becca. What would your mother say if I let it slip over tea next week that her precious girl is a sly little liar? She doesn’t need to know about your little stunt with the principal I walked in on last week now does she?”  

“Don’t you dare!”

“Then you leave her alone,” Leah sternly warns, eyes shooting daggers at the fleeing girls.

“Come on, I’ll take you home. I saw them coming for you after the game and I followed them. I’m glad I found you in time!”

“Why are you being nice to me?”

“I think you know I like you a lot more than you’re letting yourself believe.”

“Why me, Leah?”

She takes your hand and walks towards the main road with you. You see Amanda in the car waiting, shaking her head at the two of you.

“Are you okay, love?” she asks you as you climb into the backseat with Leah. She hasn’t let go of your hand the whole time, rubbing the back of your palm with her thumb gently. You like the feeling of her hot skin on yours, it’s such a simple comfort and you can’t even remember the last time you felt it.

“Yes, Mrs. Williamson. Leah got me in time.”

“Please dear, I’ve told you to call me Amanda.”

“Mum, can she stay over tonight?” Leah chirps, holding your hand tighter. You blush a little, looking at her with a single thought in your head; you deserve to allow yourself a little bit of love.

“My mum is okay with it, I can stay.”

“Great! I’ve put a set of clean clothes in the bathroom for you too so…”

“Thank you, Leah,” you say quietly, eyes avoiding her piercing blue ones.

“Of course.”

The whole night goes by perfectly. Amanda cooks a delicious meal that you shamelessly have three servings of. Since it was a Friday night, Leah insisted on movie night. There were throw blankets and pillows all over the floor but you were hesitant to cuddle close to Leah. Having not made a single friend in years, you were scared that one wrong move could ruin the little bit of joy Leah had given you in such a short period.

Leah however, could not hold herself back anymore and was honestly quite annoyed at you. She had been showing her affection towards you for weeks and you were still hesitant to reciprocate them.

“You don’t like me back, do you? You’re just doing this to be nice.”

You look at Leah in horror. No, no, no! This was not how it was supposed to go.

“Leah,” you start, sitting up. “No one has ever wanted to be my friend my entire life. I have my useless dead father to thank for that. When you started giving me those letters, I genuinely thought you were planning some long term practical joke but tonight you’ve shown me that you truly want to be my friend, maybe more.” Leah sits up too and you continue.

“I’m scared, I haven’t done this in a long time. I don’t want to make a wrong move and scare you away. I want you so bad, if everything you’ve left in your letters is true then I want this, I want us. When you scored that goal last week when you rarely do, you looked at me. You did a hand heart towards me and I genuinely thought you were showing it to someone else in the crowd but you pointed at me.”

Leah had tears in her eyes, the tough captain of the school girls’ football team seemed moved by your words. She leaned in and you let her, pressing your lips to hers. You were sure you felt fireworks and that she did too. Her lips were soft and she loved that you smelled like her body wash.

You pulled away and blinked fast, hoping that she wasn’t a figment of your imagination. By the time you’d blinked about fifty times, she was still there, her stupid smug smile on her face.

“I really like you,” you tell her, head leaning on her shoulder as you turn your attention back to the TV.

“I really like you too,” she whispers, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as she pulls you into her side.

In the days that come, Leah warned all those who regularly mess with you that they now mess with her too. She also warned that if she caught wind of people calling you names, especially freak, they would go home with it etched across their faces.

\\

You’re sat at the dinner table with Leah in your home years later. Grace is sitting on her playmat, totally engrossed in her building blocks. The sunset pours into the living room and you’ve never been happier in your life.

There’s nothing in your life you’d want to change. You thank your lucky stars that the Lioness sitting in front of you took a chance on you that year in secondary school. Life had only gone up since getting together at 17. You went to college and Leah played for Arsenal. It was hard when you moved for a year to Spain to study but Leah fought hard to make sure the connection was there, flying every other weekend to see you.

The moment you graduated, Leah proposed in front of all your friends. Yes, you made friends! The Spain host family you lived with was more than welcoming and gave you a sense of belonging that you had never felt before. The little community you built for yourself gave you a chance to heal and forgive all those people who wronged young you.

She looked up at you with a face of pure admiration. The ring glimmered in the sun, the diamond was the perfect carat for her perfect girl.

“I have never been surer of anything in my life, will you marry me?”

“Yes!”

\\

You’re both standing at the altar, hands held in front of all your friends and family. The Arsenal and Lioness girls are rowdy in the front, cheering their captain on. She had just shared her vows and it was now your turn.

“When I was little, I convinced myself that I liked being alone. I was always the last to be picked, last to be called, sometimes the teachers forgot about me. By the time I was in secondary school, I had accepted that I was going to be alone all my life. Until I met you,” you look up at Leah and see that she’s already got tears in her eyes. You continue, feeling a little emotional yourself.

“I was sure that you were playing a prank on me, wanting nothing more than to humiliate me in front of everyone like they always did. I waited and waited and nothing happened. You saved me from those girls that day and in the car ride home I knew you were different. For the first time ever, I wanted your company more than my own.”

//

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop…”

“Never, babygirl,” Leah coos, hands gripping your hips from behind as she fucks into your pussy hard. You whine into the mattress and grip the sheets, pushing your ass back into her hips. She angled her hips just right, hitting your sweet spot just enough to send you right off the edge.

“Leah!” you cried, reaching back to hold her strong thigh. She was relentless, pounding you through your orgasm. She flipped you over a minute later, her strap pushed back into your sensitive hole just milliseconds after pulling out. You’re about to squeal about being sensitive when she wraps her hand around your neck so lightly. It’s barely there but her skin on yours sends electric shocks through your system.

You buck up into her and bite your lip, forcing her cock straight into your pussy. She gives you that smug smirk that boils your blood and gets to work, rutting into you with purpose. Her hands knead your breasts religiously, face buried between them in an instant. You cradle her head that rests on you, legs widening for her subconsciously.

Your body submits to her willingly and you can barely think when the hand around your neck gently tightens. Your eyes roll into your head and you grin deliriously, oxygen leaving your head as quickly as it gets there.  

Her hips, although practically laying on you, do not relent, pounding into your pussy obediently. Her harness rubs your clit just right and you can barely make a sound to warn her before you gush all over her cock and your thighs. She squeezes your neck just a little harder than usual and it sends you straight into another orgasm right after the other.

She only slows down when you’re shaking like a leaf and turning a little pale, kissing you gently. You grin and reach out for her, she pulls her harness off and settles between your legs. You pat her head and kiss her forehead, fingers running through her blond hair. She presses kisses all over your neck and you sigh, grateful for the chance at a proper life the woman in your arms had given you.

“I love you, Leah,” you mumble into her hair and you feel the captain mumble her answer into your neck. You giggle and settle into the warm bed with the love of your life, excited to see what life has in store for the two of you.

[the-firebird69]

Dame Judi Dench sings "Send in the Clowns" - BBC Proms 2010

I did the mission I got it out tell me I still hate me but these people need motivation to try and spread out the pain and really tell me half as being attacked Tommy f by the empire and he gets it he's trying to engage them but you don't have anywhere to sit still and he sees that and says screw you Chris you idiot and it's going to go forwards I have to get this car going and he says that's this guy named Monk he's one of these two youths and they are young headless dream to make an S car maybe real slow so he says that he could get together with Megan and make the sandwich shop which is really tough I mean blimpy's went out and you can just imitate him just make the sandwich is a little bit bigger a little better ingredients if it's true they roast them and he says yeah so he knows about it they just commercialized and it didn't work I did it didn't work that good and you know your own and of course and he gets that so I think the combination works but you've got an idea to make a small replica and he has the idea too you can't make the same car but boy that thing's going to move and it's a sign and a symbol everything else is kind of bounces off and people can't remember it so we're going to get to it there's other things he might do making the wooden ships and for sale and RTA and they would be Warhammer and he says you know you can make wooden shifts like Warhammer that would work as fishing vessels and they would be in character and they would not be warships they'd be fishing vessels and Tony Allen knows how to make those that's more like his stuff and you guys to the car people and he agrees now I'm going to try and help and try and get this damn thing going and we're not the same tribe but we wanted to feel the pressure from anything anyone

Judi Dench

And you're the one who smells for Christ's sake you smell really awful and not that awful but pretty damn bad it smells not like crap you smell weird and he's it's probably magnesium it smells a little like that and a little like ham smoking sweet and pungent and he's thinking what does from and it's probably from frying stuff and our experiences so when you fry it like that you end up smelling funny that's one thing and the other is the blueberry juice he says well you have to go up to a baby and smell it so I'm going around trying to smell babies and these guys smell like it and it's like their body systems are going nuts and his body systems are odd and he's a little baby and that's what it is and he is having a rough time with just about everything and his ear finally is unclogging and he needed to have nutrients and iron and it's true so we are going to have a decent night but we want to send the pounds in down below and see what this is all about and we're doing work and we're trying to find it and he keeps saying it and one respects checking and looking down there is required but we're on a wild goose chase in that the answers are right here with us at times and yeah they're trying to stop him and he's saying Mac proper are here on occasion and we are not figuring it out and we're fighting each other and in horrific ways that are very unsettling to a lot of people this is terrible so we have to find out what they know and what they're doing and we're getting on it right now

..

Olympus print now please, and yes right now Hera please do Thor Freya yeah we get it Nevada Ariana and yeah you have to fix the name we need to print it Biden go ahead and print Camilla anytime now Dave for Christ's sake Trump would you oh yeah that's his line bja

[kudouusagi]

Speaking as a translator, I'm kind of in the middle of these two things. And my opinions in this post is probably going to cause me trouble lol...

I'm going to start off by saying, I think most people who watch anime don't actually care about the Japanese and just want an equivalent experience so most mass produced professional subs are exactly what they're looking for.

Now, on to my actual opinion lol

The problem with a lot of series is that there is no easy way to achieve equivalent experience without completely rewriting whole scenes, or for some series, even fundamental parts of the whole series.

The only time I've seen this done in a decent way was the Ace Attorney games and that required a full, calculated top to down rewrite of the whole series. The basic story is the same but they completely changed the setting (America vs Japan), the names (Phoenix Wright vs Naruhodo Ryuuichi), the jokes (all of the puns with the names, cultural references, etc). It took a series long calculated effort. (At the time there were only 3 games out and they translated all 3 games at the same time.)

Do I think changing the whole setting was really required for this? Probably not. But it's what they decided to do so they didn't have to explain Japanese culture at all.

Most series that attempt this only do it in the scenes they think need to be changed and it usually makes things confusing when topics that have been translated a certain way up to that point abruptly change for one scene to make it make sense.

A really simple and highly contentious example of this is the use of honorifics after names. A lot of companies have the policy of leaving them out because they think they're not relevant in English and people don't understand the nuances between them so it's better to just leave them out. I can't tell you how many times I've seen shows where later in the series the characters have whole intense scenes where they talk about how they're going to change what they call each other and they've screwed themselves over by completely ignoring the issue. It's literally a translating nightmare.

I also think that a lot of the changes professional translators make are bad. When there's a criticism of official translations, I'm on the side of the people criticizing 90% of the time. Every once in a while I see one where people are being too nitpicky or are just wrong, but the vast majority of the time, I think they're right. I haven't seen all of the drama though. Maybe it's just the ones I'm exposed to.

For Paripi Koumei, yeah, translating it to "party people" would be wrong. Yes, it came from that phrase, but we've never used it in that way. In Japanese it came from DJs talking to the audience saying "Hey, party people!" at clubs and people assumed that meant it was the name for the audience and used it to describe themselves as the audience. It has gotten shortened down over the years from パーティ・ピープル to パーリーピーポー to パリピ. We've never used it in the same way. Most people wouldn't refer to themselves as "party people". They might call themselves a partier. Ugh, though honestly, I've never been a party person how would I know what they call themselves??

So I think closer words would be partiers/party goers, clubbers, or ravers and I think each of those have a different nuance as to which kind of "party" you're talking about so you'd have to chose the right one. When I hear the word what I picture would be closest to a raver but from what I know of that series, that doesn't seem correct. But the phrase isn't used that much outside of Gal culture anyway. (Seriously when you google the word like 80% of the results are probably about that manga/anime)

I do sometimes see people refer to Paripi megane (パリピメガネ) and they're referring to these things which I would really call rave glasses.

So I completely disagree that "ya boy" is an equivalent term. For one I literally recoil at the phrase "ya boy" and it definitely gives off the vibe to me of an annoying dude who is introducing himself in a pompous way to his friends and trying to act cool. I do not associate it with anybody going to a club. I wold never assume this anime was about him going to clubs to party from the phrase "ya boy".

BUT ANYWAY... after that long rant lol... I think there should be more content that explains things for language learners. There are people who want to understand the actual Japanese and the idioms and the jokes. I wouldn't be opposed to having the option of both but you'll never get that from official sources since it's hard enough to even get a decent translation now with how translators are paid so low and how machine translation is on the rise.

There are some translators that are genuine fans on anime and will do their best no matter how little their paid, but more often than not I just see translations done buy someone who is just doing their job and don't care about the series they're assigned. And that's somewhat speaking from experience since I have worked professionally on a few series and I was never given the option of what to work on and I didn't like the series assigned to me. I have worked a lot harder on fansubs than things that I was paid to do.

I feel like we've lost something linguistically with the rise of professional subtitles for everything because they just adapt jokes and idioms into their nearest English equivalent and lose cultural context. I miss watching anime in 2002 with subs by some guy who was just really passionate about japanese and would fill half the screen with an in-depth breakdown of why a pun works. I'm serious I want that again.

[alyblacklist]

Hi Aly, firstly I want to thank you for your great efforts in this tumultuous time! I wanted to ask you, what is your opinion about some people being angry at Megan? Personally I get that people might be upset that she’s leaving the show or breaking their favourite ship, but being angry at the actress about it seems a little strange to me. Obviously it’s up to her, and the things a lot of people are accusing her off is speculation (her feeling too good for the show now, etc.). Personally I think its pretty obvious that she seems hurt, hence she changed some captions. People are making a big deal about those captions, but it’s not like she’s throwing tbl or her costars under the buss with them. Nor is she actively hating on anyone. If anything her changed captions remain vague, but I don’t think it’s offending to anyone. I think the show screwed her over in every way, including how they kept writing her character. Not to mention how people treated her because of how her character changed. And now people are angry at her for leaving too (which I’m not sure she did exactly willingly, at least not the way it’s going now). I mean she was fine with the show until a short while ago, something must have gone sideways for her to feel this way and disconnect. I think if we should be blaming anyone, it should be NBC. I feel like it is sus that the news dropped just a day before an important episode. You bet this is going to bring in viewers. But that’s just speculation, and we’ll probably never know. But I do believe NBC/tbl should have treated her and the character better, within reason of course but better. And of course, if I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t be changing captions, etc. either, but everyone deals with hurt in different ways and the fact is we’re not in her shoes. We have no idea what the hell went on behind the scenes, but it wasn’t fun. A lot people think she wanted more money, but I have a hard time believing this since Megan is really comfortable financially due to her grandparents I believe. If all she wanted was some recognition, I thinks she should have gotten it (but within reason of course!). I think Megan just deserves a bit more respect, everyone’s allowed their opinion of course but I don’t think it’s right to hate on an actress who brought so many good years to a show while actively getting some of the worst material to work with. And a lot of hate throughout its run, for 8 years. I feel bad for her mostly, and I am going to miss her and tbl. And Ressler. But this was it for me. But I really don’t blame Megan. I mean I think it’s a little strange no female actress/character ever stayed on tbl. But again, I know nothing about what happened behind the scenes. Just sad to see Megan/Liz go. I am going to miss the Keenler scenes and her dynamic with Red. I loved those moments the most. Imo they’re all such great actors who worked together so well. But I guess you’ve got to draw the line somewhere (even though they get blurred when you dram them in the sand - Red, S1). I hope she finds what she’s looking for, and I hope she’ll get a little respect on the way ✌🏻I would love to hear your thought on this.

That was a really, really long commentary ask and I honestly don't have the energy to even attempt to respond to all your points.

We all have our personal views, especially those of us who have been around this fandom for a long time and have lived the ups and downs of her interactions with the network and the fans over the years. I find it hard to ignore the rumors and to muster much sympathy after her very public war with the network back in 2017 over her worth and her representation. The changing of her IG captions unfortunately is precisely the sort of petty gesture that suggests to me that the majority of the rumors are true.

I wish her well in her future endeavors.

[hawthornsybil]

5 Times Eddie realizes how caring Buck is + 1 time Eddie shows Buck he’s loved.

(I lost count as I was writing and ended up with 6 instead of 5 ooops)

1.

Eddie and Buck are sitting at the table in the station’s kitchen when Hen gets to work. Eddie is reading a book and Buck is watching a video on his phone so intently that he doesn’t even look up when she greets him.

“What you got there, Buckaroo?” she asks and looks at Eddie to see if he knows but all she gets in return is a shrug.

“I’m trying to learn something.”

“You’re always learning something,” she teases him. He’s always deep into researching the most random things and as much as Hen likes to teas him a lot of the time, she knows how smart he is. “What is it this time?”

“ASL.” His reply is short but not rude and Hen is surprised, looks at Eddie again and finds him staring at Buck just as incredulously.

“You’re studying sign language?” Eddie asks. 

Buck nods and then gets up and leaves with his phone.

Eddie can’t help the fond smile that breaks out on his face “Of course he is.”

They think it’s just another thing Buck is interested in, until later in the day they find themselves staring as Buck is crouched down in front of a kid they just pulled out of a fire, a smile on his face while his hands move a bit stiffly between signs. They watch on as the kid smiles at Buck, fear long forgotten, and re-arranges his fingers in the right way.

Chimney comes over to stand next to Hen and Eddie so he can help pack everything up. He looks at Buck too. “What is he doing?”

Buck gets up, patting the kid on the head and walking him over to his mom before he finally goes over to the rest of the 118.

“You know sign language?” Chimney asks.

“I started learning after we saved that woman the night I met Red. I couldn’t reassure her as much as we usually do so I figured, next time I can be better prepared.” Buck shrugs like it’s not a big deal and then walks off, going to help the engine crew to pull back the hoses.

All they can do is stare after him.

2.

Eddie is pushing the cart, Buck in front of him selecting things from the shelves all the while keeping up an easy conversation. It’s a lot different from the last time they came to Howie’s Market with Bobby and truth to be told, Eddie is surprised they haven’t been banned.

Buck puts one box of cereal in the cart that Eddie knows that’s not on the list.

“Buck?”

“Chris ran out, you mentioned it this morning.”

All Eddie had said was ‘I gotta stop for cereals on the way home tonight’ and somehow Buck had remembered. He shouldn’t be surprised, he knows this by now, Buck always pays attention to him and Christopher.

“We should also get him those dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets he’s been asking for.”

“Buck…”

“I know, he shouldn’t eat them.” He looks at Eddie with a soft smile, not looking sorry at all. “Good cop, bad cop, you know?”

Eddie laughs, pushes his cart into Buck’s hip in retaliation.

3.

“Am I going to die?”

The woman they’re trying to save is hyperventilating and won’t stay still long enough for them to reach her, her seat belt the only thing stopping her from falling through the broken windshield and plummeting to her death in the water below.

“Ma’am, what’s your name?” Buck’s voice is calming, his eyes assessing the situation.

“Me-Megan.”

“Hi Megan, I’m Buck and that’s Eddie. We’re going to get you out, alright?”

Eddie still has no idea how they’re going to do that. They used the rappelling kit to get down to her car, but it was going to be hard to grab her and get her out.

Buck reaches inside carefully passing the rope around her chest, keeping her distracted. “I’m getting you out, promise.”

The first thing they’re taught, is to not make promises, and Buck should have learned from the train derailment, he was ready to risk his life because of a promise and that had infuriated Eddie to no end. Buck was always so quick to throw himself at danger as if he didn’t have anyone counting on him, loving him.

“I thought these things only happened in movies, you know?” Megan says and she doesn’t seem to realize that she’s almost free.

Eddie reaches inside from his side, knife ready to slice through the seat belt. He looks at Buck, finds his eyes and waits for him to give him the nod before cutting her free.

They barely manage to pull out before the car jolts forwards and then free falls into the ocean.

Eddie’s first instinct is to check on Buck, make sure he got himself out, but he finds him focused on Megan, joking about how cool that looked and how he couldn’t wait to rub it in Chimney’s face.

4.

“’Cap, I’m telling you, I can get him out.”

That’s all Eddie hears while he’s passing the woman he’s just pulled out of the fire to Hen. 

“Buck, we’ve been over this, I can’t let you risk your life for…”

“Hey, listen, it’s on me. I think I can do it.”

Eddie knows Buck is asking Bobby to trust him. He watches them hold each other’s gaze before Bobby gives in, shoulders slumping as he nods.

Buck is running into the house a moment later.

“Did we miss someone?” Eddie asks.

“One of the kids Buck pulled out said they have a blind dog still inside the house.”

Bobby’s worried eyes stay focused on the door of the house, hands poised on his radio ready to call Buck out. Eddie takes his helmet off, trying to get his hair out of his face and waits with Bobby. Just as he’s about to run inside and drag Buck out, he walks out, dog hiding under his turnout coat. Buck’s smile is blinding.

5.

The only thing Eddie hates more than 24-hour-shifts, is having to do one when Buck is on a day off. On the bright side, by the time he drags himself home, back killing him, he knows Buck is going to be there, probably half asleep on the couch with Chris.

When he gets inside the house, he follows the sound of Chris’ laughter into the living room where he’s sitting next to Buck at the table. Eddie just leans against the door and watches them for a second.

“Chris, is not very nice to laugh at your friends, you know?” Buck is saying, head bent over one of Chris’ books, tongue sticking out in concentration. Chris only laughs harder at that.

“Math again?” Eddie asks, his own laugh bubbling out of his chest.

Buck glares at him but Chris laughs harder. Eddie walks over, one hand ruffling Christopher’s hair first and then Buck’s.

“See if I help you again, Chris,” Buck protests but they all know that Chris has Buck wrapped so tightly around his finger that he could ask for the moon and Buck would find a way of getting it.

“Chris, you know Buck doesn’t know math, mijo.”

“Hey, tell you what, tomorrow I’m going to bring my old fire science book to the station, and we’ll see who gets the most correct answers.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. Coming home and finding Buck and Chris waiting for him together, never ceases to make his hurt squeeze painfully in his chest, yearning to make Buck stay, keep him here with them where he belongs.

“Your kid is a bully, Eddie.” His eyes are full of mirth and Eddie can’t help himself, runs his hand through Buck’s hair again, this time slow and deliberate. 

“You let him bully you, that’s on you.”

Chris giggles from where he’s sitting. “Buck, I’m sorry.”

Buck’s face softens in that fond little smile that Eddie has come to catalog as Buck’s Chris smile. Eddie’s not too sure what he’s ever done to find someone who loves his kid as much as he does, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t let Buck know how much it means to him.

6.

They’re responding to a call in a hospice, someone trapped on the roof, when Eddie notices Buck speaking with one of the patients, an elderly man that looks frail where he’s sitting in a wheelchair. Buck is crouching next to his chair and Eddie gets curious.

He looks to where Chimney is checking over the man they’ve just saved and figures he can take a few seconds to go check on Buck. When he’s near enough he hears Buck laugh, his face going pink as soon as he notices Eddie coming over.

“So, you haven’t done it yet?” the man is asking Buck just as Eddie reaches them.

Buck gets to his feet looking shy and uncertain. “Not yet.”

“Hey, Buck, we’re almost ready to go,” Eddie tells him.

“Eddie, this is Ronnie, Ronnie, this is Eddie.”

“Nice to meet you,” he says while shaking the man’s hand.

“Nice to finally meet you, too. I was starting to think you weren’t actually real. Buck here never shuts up about you.”

He’s so confused. “I’m sorry… how do you two know each other?”

Ronnie looks delighted at the question. “Oh, Buck comes to read to me once a week. Brings some beauty and companionship in an old man’s life.”

“You’re not that old, Ronnie,” Buck deflects.

Eddie can’t help but stare at him. Sometimes he feels like all he does is looking at Buck, couldn’t look away if he tried. He’s almost certain that Bobby has caught him staring more than once, Chimney and Hen probably did too; Eddie doesn’t really care.

“Anyway, we should go. I will see you next Wednesday, okay?” Buck is pulling him away before Eddie can get a word in edgewise.

“Is this why you’ve been blowing me off?”

Buck scoffs as they reach the truck outside. “I’d hardly calling it blowing you off. I skipped game night like, twice, so far. I know I’m irresistible but I’m sure you can entertain yourself without me for one night a week.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow and grins at him. Too easy. “I can definitely entertain myself.”

Buck pushes him and Eddie can’t help but laugh.

+1

Eddie knocks on Buck’s door twice before finally saying screw it and using his key to let himself in. The apartment is dark except for the light coming from the TV on in the corner.

“Buck?”

When he gets no answer, Eddie can feel the worry he’s been feeling for the last few hours of his shift getting stronger. He walks over to the sofa and finds Buck passed out, brow furrowed in pain, his hand holding his side even while he sleeps.

Eddie sighs, tells himself to calm down and then crouches by Buck’s head, one hand coming to cup his cheek, thumb stroking gently.

“Buck, hey, wake up.”

Buck moans, tries to turn away but he puts too much weight on his injured side and stirs, eyes blinking open slowly.

“Eddie?”

“Yeah. How are you feeling?”

Buck doesn’t move so Eddie lets his hand rest on Buck’s cheek, eyes fall to Buck’s pink lips.  

“You’re an idiot, you know? I told you to wait for me but no, you just had to throw yourself inside.”

“She was going to die.”

Eddie pulls back, sits down on the floor, his eyes remaining locked with Buck’s. “I wish you’d get that your life is not expendable, you are not expendable.”

“Comes with the job.”

“You don’t have to be so reckless all the time just because you want to save everyone. You always think it’s going to work out in the end but sometimes it doesn’t, you know. One day it won’t work.”

Buck closes his eyes, readjusts himself so he’s sitting up. Eddie can’t help himself, puts his hands on Buck’s knees, thumbs digging into the bones. Buck is okay he keeps repeating in his head.

“I know you care about saving everyone but Buck, I need you to save yourself too.”

He stares at Buck, sees his eyes soften in the blue light of the screen. Eddie pushes himself on his knees, comes to stand between Buck’s legs. His eyes search Buck’s for a moment and then he can’t help himself and leans close, his breath catching in his throat for a second before his lips touch Buck’s. It feels like he’s breathing for the first time after being underwater.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

a year ago today, i got fired from a job that i hated, and was feeling a lot of things, so i wrote it all down and set a reminder for myself to read it in a year

a lot of other really bad shit happened between then and now, but i’m also a lot happier and in a lot better mental place than i was when i wrote this. i have a new job that i really like, i’m moving in with my best friend in a few months, and i don’t feel so goddamn tired and sad all the time like i did 365 days ago

so i’m posting it here, mostly for my own sake, but also in case anyone else is Going Though It and feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. i promise you, it’s there. it might be far away, and the path might be a little wonky, but you’ll get to it

It’s Tuesday and it’s raining and I just got fired.

They pulled me into a conference room I had scheduled for hundreds of interviews - secluded, away from the bustle of the company, private.

Corinna told me, essentially, that I had improved in the areas they were looking at, but not enough for it to matter.

She left me with Cari, one of my favorites, who went over my separation agreement and how I would get paid for the next few weeks. Her eyes looked a little wet, but that may have just been my own.

She told me this would be a blip - plenty of people had gone through the same thing and they barely remember it.

I’m sure she’s right, but I want to remember it.

I held myself together when they told me the news. When Corinna left, Cari asked me how I was doing. I told her, honestly, “It is what it is. What else could I even do at this point?” 

I cried a little then. Not necessarily because I was sad - mostly because I was overwhelmed.

When I left, I called Caitlin - she’s a 15 minute walk, and I didn’t want to take the train all the way back to Brooklyn.

I was ashamed mostly - like who even gets fired? Isn’t that for slackers who are bad at their job and can’t do anything right?

To be fair, that’s how I felt most of the time here. And I just had an inkling, for the past few weeks really, that something like this was looming. People were acting different. Maybe they thought I didn’t notice. I did.

Caitlin didn’t answer so I called my parents. They were in Florida visiting Papa and thought I butt-dialed them. That’s when I really started crying - again from the shame, not from being sad. How embarrassing was it to tell your parents, who think the world of you, that you screwed up and lost your job? That all that money they funneled toward college apparently didn’t mean anything?

If you couldn’t tell, I may have been spiraling a bit.

The spiral made me forget how much my parents love me and support me for a minute. They quickly reminded me. Everything they said was true - I hated this job, I had money saved in the bank, this was probably a relief more than anything.

It was. A huge relief. So huge I didn’t even realize the tension I’d been holding in my entire body for the past 6 (or maybe 18) months had finally lifted. I felt like I could breathe again/

The thing about a depressive episode is that you sometimes don’t even know you’re in it until you’re out.

They told me to take the day - relax, regroup, refocus - and tomorrow I can get to work on finding something else. I had a call with a staffing agency the day before and another call tonight. Things were being put in motion.

I hung up and Megan snapped me. I called her too since she was awake.

“How are you?” she asked

“Well I just got fired, so I’ve been better,” I said.

The shame was gone apparently. Sarcasm to cope was back.

I talked to her, I talked to Caitlin, I talked to Elaine, who funnily enough had also just lost her job.

Shahana and Ellen too.

They all said the same thing: this could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

And the spooky part? Literally the night before, Jane and I were talking about our jobs we don’t like but need to keep to dig our way out of debt, how we can’t afford to quit even though we’re unbelievably unhappy.

It’s almost like the universe heard us and was like, “Oh you want to quit that badly? Well I’ll just go ahead and do it for you.”

A blessing in disguise if ever there was one.

Now I’m home, in the middle of the day (also why do it on a Tuesday? And in the morning after my hour commute to the office?) and I’m writing it all down - I want to remember, a year from now, or 5 or 10 or 20, that this was a pretty hard low to hit.

That I felt ashamed and mad and a little sad.

That, despite the fact that I had been told repeatedly that people at this job supported me and wanted me to succeed, only 2 people out of the 10 on my team (plus sweet Sayde) have texted me to check in on how I’m doing.

But even with all that, I’m feeling good. A little excited. A lot fired up.

Today I will sit on my couch and wallow a little bit and do nothing.

Tomorrow I will try again.

[yayeetsonny]

New Beginnings~Chapter 3

This is shorter than I’d like but hopefully that’s okay. I noticed my timeline was all screwed up so the book is actually set in 2020, my bad. Also the pandemic doesn’t exist in this universe. Enjoy!

4 1/2 Months later…

Ryley PRO//

It’s been over 4 months since my accident and I am finally out of all my casts and no longer have to use a wheelchair to get around or write with my other hand. I won’t sugar coat it the first 4 months were hell and there was a lot of tears and lot of moments where I wanted to give up but Christen, Alex and our teammates made it all worth it. They helped me through the lows of physical therapy and they were there to celebrate the highs too. They had to return home after the first 2 weeks but came to visit at least once a month if not more. I was initially worried that I wasn’t going to recover in time for the Olympics at the end of July but after putting in a lot of work and pushing myself past my limits sometimes I was able to get through physical therapy much sooner than expected and I was able to show Vlatko that I still deserved a spot on that roster.

After that scare I had in the first month when I woke up not being able to breath the girls took me to a doctor and I learned that I did in fact have asthma and that I had experienced a laryngospasm because of it. I was given an inhaler and everything was explained to me so now I know what to do if it happens again, but I haven’t had one since, nor have I had any asthma attacks. Alex and Chris hovered a lot after that but now they’re much better at trusting that I’ll be okay.

I ended up finishing my junior year online and when I was able I moved back to the group home in Colorado. I didn’t want to but I couldn’t remain under Christen and Alex’s care if I wanted to be able to travel with the team this summer to Japan. They would have had to adopt me in order for that to work but I still wasn’t ready and they understood. We still text and call all the time of course and they come to visit me when they can. I still haven’t told them the true extent of how poorly I’m treated here but I decided that was for the best. 

It was warm out today and I had decided to ride my skateboard around town, my free time before I had to leave for the olympics was coming to an end so I had to take full advantage of it. We would be getting on a plane in a week and then hopefully we would return home with the gold and we could say that we pulled off the impossible: World Cup champions one year and olympic gold medalist the next. 

I reluctantly decide to head back to the group home after another hour and when I get there it’s no surprise that the house is full of potential adoptive parents and families. After politely introducing myself to a few of the people I make my way upstairs knowing no one would be interested in getting to know me. I check my phone and see I have a few texts and missed calls from Alex.

“Hey sweet girl, hope you’re having a good day. Chris and I Love and miss you.”

Read one text

I decided to call her as I had been missing their voices. She picked up on the third ring

“Hello?” Came her raspy voice through the phone.

“Hi Alex.”

“Well hello my sweet girl, how are we doing today?”

“I’m doing good, I miss you guys though.”

“I know but we’ll see you really soon.”

“Next week, do you think we’re ready?”

“As ready as we’ll ever be baby.”

“Am I ready?”

“Don’t second guess yourself, of course you are. You are going to do amazing I just know it.”

“Thank you for always believing in me.”

“Always have, always will. I love you kid.”

“I love you too.”

“I gotta go but we’ll see you soon okay?”

“See you soon. Tell Chris I said Hello and that I love her too.”

“I will, bye R.J.”

“Bye Alex.”

While I was talking to Alex I was completely unaware of Ms.Williams listening outside the door and when I hung up Ms. Williams stormed into my room, completely disregarding my “Knock first.” Sign, yanked my phone out of my hand and prevented me from taking it back,

“This is now mine, thank you.”

“What did I even do?!” 

“You were talking to that Alex Morgan girl.”

“Okay first of all she’s a grown ass woman and second, why is that such a problem?”

“Whenever you talk to her or that Christen girl they give you false hope.”

“What? Again, they’re grown women, not teenagers. What do you mean “false hope”? That doesn’t even make any sense.”

“I’m talking about the fact that you think you’re going to the Olympics.”

“I am going, I already made the roster.”

“If you think I’m going to let you leave the country while I’m still responsible for you, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“You can’t just not let me go! That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair.”

“You can’t stop me from going, it’s my life.”

“While you live here I decide what you can and can’t do.”

“Well, then I just won’t live here then.”

“Pfft, where are you gonna go then?”

“Anywhere is better than here.”

“If you leave now you’re not allowed to come back.”

“I don’t care. Give me my phone.”

She threw my phone on the bed and left, leaving me to grab my duffle bag and get out of here. I packed only things I would need, grabbing my board I started to climb out the window, using the tree by my window I was able to get down safely and remain unseen by the families that were still in the house. I didn’t know where I was going to go and I realized this was probably a really dumb thing to do but I couldn’t give Karen the satisfaction of knowing I had backed out. 

I just started walking in a random direction and kept going until I couldn’t anymore. When I took in my surroundings I realized that I had already walked pretty far and that it was getting dark, if I wanted to find at least a semi-safe place to sleep I need to start looking. 

I was able to find a good enough bridge to sleep under for the night and settled there. Chris and Alex are so going to kill me.

The next week flew by, I was able to make the bridge a “home” of sorts and I was able to do some chores for the manager of the grocery store I walked to everyday and in exchange he paid me with food. This way I could save my money for Tokyo and for getting more clothes before I left. I knew that he had his suspicions about me being homeless but he never brought it up and by the time it was time for me to go to the airport we had become good friends and I even told him about the team and going to Tokyo. As for showering I was able to convince the owner of one of the gyms in town to let me take showers there without having a membership. I was just wrapping up my last day of chores when the manager of the store, Kevin came out of his office to see me off.

“Hey kid, you leavin’?”

“Yeah, I’ll miss you Kev.”

“I’ll miss you as well kid, good luck in Tokyo. Bring home the gold.”

“Yes sir. I’ll try to visit from time to time.”

“I’ll look forward to seeing you again.”

After we said our goodbyes I grabbed my stuff from the back and started to ride my skateboard to a department store where I could get a suitcase and some more clothes. Then I headed for the airport. It took forever and having to hold a suitcase made it pretty hard to stay balanced but I finally made it and after getting my luggage checked and going through security I just barely made it on time for my flight. I would be flying to Portland first and then from there we fly as a team to Japan. It would be a long couple of days and I’m sure I’m going to be exhausted by the end of all the flying but it’ll all be worth it once we get there.

When I arrived in Portland I was greeted by almost the whole team, a few people’s flights were still just landing or would be arriving shortly. The first people I saw were Chris and Alex, they ran to me and wrapped me up in their arms, smothering me with kisses. I hadn’t told them about anything that happened over the last week, they still thought I was at the group home. It got a little hard when they called me a couple times and there was a lot of commotion on the bridge but I just told them I was out riding around and that it was traffic in the street.

“Hey baby! We missed you so much.”

 Christen all but tackled me to the ground as Alex came around to hug me from behind. We landed on the floor and I found myself in a Chrislex sandwich. 

“I missed you guys too!” I gigged at their excitement

I made my rounds and was sure to say hi to everyone as they arrived and once everyone was together we were ready to head to our gate for our second flight. We had to wait around for an hour or so before we were able to board, I sat in between Al and Chris. Mal, Rose and Sam sat in front of us and Morgan, Kelley, and Emily behind us and Ali, Ash, Megan, Julie, Tobin, Crystal and Lindsey in the rows directly across. Everyone else filled the remaining rows. This 13 hour and 10 minute flight was going to be long and it would probably get really old fast but I knew my teammates would make it fun and entertaining for at least part of the time. 

14 and 1/2 hrs later…

We had finally landed in Tokyo and after almost 15 hours of traveling we got to the hotel and were able to go straight to our rooms. It didn’t surprise me that I had been placed in a room with Christen and Alex, after not seeing each other for a while I was glad to be with them. Everyone was exhausted, so much so that all anyone said to each other as we went to our rooms was “Night.” Or just a grumble as a way to say “See you in the morning.” 

I was allowed first dibs on a bed so I picked the one closest to the window. 

“Goodnight baby love, see you in the morning.” Christen said from her spot on their bed.

“Goodnight kiddo, sleep well.” Alex yawned

“Goodnight guys.”

They both fell asleep instantly and I was left to wonder how I was going to tell them about everything. I knew I had to tell them the truth soon, I just didn’t know how. On one hand I knew that they would be mad that I had taken off from the group home but I also knew they were going to be even more upset that I didn’t tell them. I knew that if I had they would have come to get me and then they could be arrested for kidnapping or something like that if Ms. Williams found out and decided to report me as missing just to spite me. And yes technically she could do that now and it would be 10x worse since I left the country but she’s not going to risk her reputation by doing that. At least I don’t think she would. 

I ran through what I was going to tell them in my head over a dozen times before I was finally able to go to sleep. I knew tomorrow was going to be tough but I just had to hope that I’d be ready to face the music. 

//

Hey guys, this isn't my best work and this is probably all over the place but I hope it was still good. Sorry for mistakes.

- N

Tag list: @slow-dance-in-the-dark​ @messyheath​ @yeetlysonnett​ @anniekin-98​ @kayleighromae​ @ihavebeenchangedforgoodmenzel​ @laikato​

[dreamingabouttaron]

The Assistant Part 12

The room was dark. The air around you was red hot. Your heart was pounding in your chest. Hands were on your body, sending chills through your skin. You were hyper aware of every touch. His touch. You felt the hairs on your arms stand to attention. Your body was covered in a thin layer of sweat. You could feel a bead of sweat dripping down your chest making its way down to join the puddle of sweat on the screwed up sheets beneath you. The sound of gasps and needy moans filled the room.

You could feel Taron’s hot breath on your neck. Every inch of your skin was pressed against his. You caught a glimpse of your bodies beautifully moulded together in the mirror opposite. You had your legs wrapped around Taron’s waist encouraging him to go deeper as he pounded into you. He was so good at this, a perfect combination of rough and needy but also loving and gentle. His arms were tucked under your neck holding you close to him. You had your arms wrapped around his frame. Your fingers dug into his back in pleasure. He was addictive. You wanted more. You knew that you couldn’t turn back. Not now. It was too late. But did you really want to turn back? Definitely not.

You looked up to see Taron’s face covered in pleasure; his eyes were squeezed shut, his forehead screwed up and his mouth wide open begging for air. You watched sweat trickle down the side of his face, and you felt his abs twitch at the sensations he was experiencing. You couldn’t stop watching him, you released a low moan which made Taron open his eyes. They were full of lust and passion.

“You like that?” He asked, his voice was husky and his breath shaky. You moaned and closed your eyes in response. His lips press delicate kisses across your face, down across your neck and over the cook of your shoulder. The final kisses are pressed against your ear as he tell you to open your eyes. Your eyes spring open in response, you feel your body begin to be taken over by pleasure as you felt yourself getting closer and closer to your release. You could tell Taron was too by the way his thrusts started to tire. His body started to give more and more weight onto yours as his breath got more heavy. You were at a perfect angle to start kissing his neck. His skin tasted sweet against your lips. You sucked gently and grazed your teeth along his skin causing him to curse above you.

“Fuck Megan…” You heard Taron whimper and release a sweet little cry of pleasure. Taron carefully removed his right arm from underneath you and traced it down your body finding your little bud of pleasure. He skilfully rubbed it causing you to gasp in delight. You began to feel the similar tingling sensation sizzle around your body. “Ugh, don’t stop… I.. I’m close” You managed to whimper just as you felt your body take control. Your eyes snapped shut as you felt your body curl up into Taron’s body feeling a mixture of tension and release. You couldn’t mask the moans that managed to escaped your lips as you burrowed your head into Taron’s damp neck.

You could hear Taron grunt and groan above you as he sloppily thrust into you a couple more times before he tensed and moaned out your name. You opened your eyes to watch him indulge in his pleasure as you tried to calm your breathing. Your body was still quivering from your release. You couldn’t get enough of him. He looked so beautiful. His face was flushed red, his hair was everywhere and his neck and chest were blotchy with red marks. You wished you could savour this moment forever. You tried to save a mental image in your mind. This was a moment you never wanted to forget.

Your chest heaved, feeling lightheaded and disoriented, legs still shuddering at the sensation. His weight on top of you was reassuring, and you only tightened your legs around him when he tried to move off you. You didn’t want to lose the connection you had with him. Not just yet. You ran gentle fingers over the defined muscles on his back, feeling goosebumps rise on his skin, hearing him sigh into your neck. Taron turned his head and lifted it up slightly, eyes meeting yours. His breath still rapid. You both smiled at each other. He gently placed his burning forehead against yours, “You’re so beautiful.” He gazed at your face and then placed a delicate peck on your lips. He stroked a damp piece of hair away from your face before leaning back down to rejoin your lips in a delicate and soothing kiss—

Bzzz Bzzz— You were interrupted by the sound of your phone vibrating on the bed side table. You groaned as you opened your eyes, propped yourself up and looked around the room. It was just a dream, you thought. A very vivid and erotic dream. But only a dream. You could feel your heart beating in your chest at a thousand miles an hour. You closed your eyes and tried to savour the perfect images in your head, but it was no use. You let out a large sigh and picked your phone up to see who had been texting you, taking you out of your blissful dream. The brightness of your phone burning your sleepy eyes as you read.

Good Morning Megan. Thank you for helping me last night. Do you by any chance know where Taron is? He didn’t come back last night. x

The events of last night came rushing back to you. You turned your head to see Taron spread out on his belly fast asleep next to you. He looked so peaceful. His hair was all over the place and his face was squashed into the pillow facing you. You could hear his rhythmic breathing as he slept. You couldn’t believe you had just slept next to him whilst having a sex dream about him. You shook your head and typed out a response too Emily.

Good morning Emily. I hope you’re not feeling too awful this morning after last night. Taron is actually asleep on my sofa. I stupidly left the keycard in your room last night when I took you back. I’ll get him to come straight over to you when he wakes up.

You hated lying but you couldn’t tell her the truth. You sunk back down onto the bed and watched as Taron’s back rose and fell whilst he slept. You wondering what he was dreaming out. Nothing close to what I just experienced. You thought. The dream felt so real. You could remember every little detail. The way the bead of sweat rolled down your chest, the weight of him body on top of yours, his breath on your skin and the way he had made you feel. You felt a tiny tinge of sadness in your stomach. You could see Taron being very vulnerable and caring in bed but you could also imagine him being a beast. Your mind reminded you that Taron was asleep in nothing but his boxers next to you. You couldn’t wait to see his toned body when he woke up. Stop! Stop it! Not appropriate.You thought and shook the images away.

You heard your phone vibrate again. You picked it up and looked at the reply.

At least he’s safe. Why didn’t you just go down to reception and get a spare key?? x

You closed your eyes and laughed to yourself gently. Why didn’t I think of that? How stupid am I? You placed your phone down and laid back to watch Taron sleep. Watching him sleep made you feel calm. You felt like you could lay like this for hours. Just watching him. You suddenly realised how inappropriate it was and decided it was best to leave Taron asleep so that you could jump into the shower and cool off. You sleepily rubbed your eyes and walked into the bathroom and turned the warm water on. You stripped yourself from your tacky pjs and entered the shower. The water felt amazing on your skin, washing away the remnants of the dream you’d just had.

Once you were feeling fresh you stepped out the shower and wrapped a towel around your dripping body. You scanned the bathroom for some clothes and then realised you hadn’t taken a clean outfit into the bathroom with you. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You hair had been placed in a messy bun on the top of your head, your cheeks looked flushed from the heat of the shower and you had dips of water running down your chest. You have no other option but to leave the room with just a towel around you. You just had to hope that Taron was still asleep. You opened the bathroom door quietly and tip-toed out of the bathroom over to the chest of drawers. You were just taking out a pair of knickers from the drawer when you heard the duvet rustle loudly behind you.

“Well isn’t that a nice wake up call.”

You cursed to yourself and turned around to see Taron sat up in bed with the duvet covering his legs and crotch, his abdomen perfectly on show. You looked down at your dripping figure, the towel was tiny and barely kept your modesty.

“Good morning Taron” You blushed. “I’m sorry. I forgot to bring clothes into the bathroom with me.”

“I’m not complaining.” Taron said hastily before climbing out of bed and over towards you.

You watched him get closer to you, you felt your body tense. As he approached you, his eyes were scanning your body. You felt exposed. You gulped as your eyes were invited to look at his bare body. He looked incredible. He stopped in front of you. He smirked at you and placed your hands on your hips so that he could get a better look at you. You felt a shiver run down your body. You both caught eye contact. You wanted to know what he was going to do next. He leant down and kissed your neck and collarbone. You closed your eyes and let your head fall back in delight. He knew all the right places to hit. When Taron stopped you let out a small whimper at the loss of his touch.

“You were super restless in the night. Did you have a bad dream?” He enquired.

You weren’t sure how to reply. You took a moment to think about what you should say. “I, erm, I had a strange dream. That’s all.” Taron cocked his eyebrow at you and smirked.

He looked inside the open drawer and pulled out a small lacy pair of knicker. “I want you to wear these for me.” He placed them in your hand and started to kiss your exposed neck again. You released a muted moan which didn’t go unnoticed. He knew how to win you over.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. I’d say join me but it’s a bit late for that. I’ll keep the door unlocked in case you change your mind.” He winked and placed a gentle kiss on your cheek before headed into the bathroom and shutting the door.

You were left feeling flustered again. He had such a way with you. Why did you allow him to have so much control over you and your body. He didn’t even have to try and you were like putty in his hands.

You dried yourself off and got dressed into a pair of jeans, a white crop top with an oversized cream blazer over the top. You were just taking your hair down in front of the mirror when the bathroom door opened revealing a rather wet looking Taron. He had a small towel wrapped around his waist. He gave you a wink and then walked into the bedroom. You knew you shouldn’t look and you knew that he wanted you to look as he dropped his towel exposing his bare bum. You felt your eyes widen. You watched his every move as he dried himself. He picked up his Calvins and put them back on his body, pinging the elastic waist knowing you were watching. He kept his back to you as he redressed in the rest of the clothes from the night before.

“Like what you see?” He asked cheekily when he finally turned around whilst buttoning up his shirt.

You rolled your eyes and shook your head, “You did that on purpose.”

Taron picked up his jacket that had been sat in your room and walked over to you, “Of course I did. Did you not think I wanted to give you something in return after my wonderful wake up call?”

You blushed and looked down. Taron placed his hand under your chin and raised it up so that you were looking into each others eyes.

“Are you wearing what I told you to wear?” His eyes couldn’t hide his excitement. You bit your lip before placing your hand into the side your jeans and pulling out some of the material to show him. He released a low groan.

“Good girl.” He leant in close and hovered his lips over yours. You closed your eyes in anticipation. “Have a good day Megan. I’ll see you this afternoon. Get ready to see how natural I am on a horse.” You opened your eyes as he broke contact. Your eyes followed him as he walked over to the door. He turned and winked at you.

And with that he was gone.

Tag List-

@primaba11erina @hitmeonmytspot @autumnslovex @fuseburner 

[uswnt-owns-this-homo]

Babe- (Emily Sonnett x Reader)

(Little bit of background:

Reader lives in Orlando and plays for the Pride. She and Emily are usually the goofy ones of the team and are known as the wonder twins. The team is in Orlando for the upcoming SheBelieves Cup in this)

The girls had all come around and I was tired. So very tired. It had all started out as a little funny idea. Practice had been rough, Vlatko feeling out everyone and pushing you, trying to prepare an Olympics worthy team. Everyone had been a little scuffed up, leaving the field incredibly sore, hopped up on Advil and the thought that there would be an open day tomorrow.

    Which is how I’m in the situation I am currently in. Everyone's dancing, having a few drinks, overall not a terrible time. Except for one thing. Emily Fucking Sonnett has shown up 2 hours late, a, as much as I detest the idea, decidedly okay-looking women on her arm. Now, this normally would not be an issue. But, normally, you wouldn’t have a huge ass crush on your best friend, your partner in crime. Yeah, try to explain your irrational jealousy and overall bitchiness to Saucy Sonnett without letting that slip. I gag slightly as I see the girl, Ashley? Sam? I don’t fucking know, pat Emily’s cheek, slipping her other arm around the small girl’s waist. I’m not drunk enough for this shit. And with that thought I go for another drink, only to run into Mal.

   “Hey, y/n, I’ve been looking for you. How you holdin’ up, bruiser?”

Ah, the all too popular nickname your teammates had come up with.

  “Mal, that was one practice, and how was I supposed to know Ash was going to try and prank me??”

I reach around her for the rum I have stashed in my cabinet, grabbing it and getting the coke from the cooler. She rests her hand on my shoulder, giving me her patented mal-pugh-puppy dog-eyes.

  “Okay, but seriously, how are you, know it can’t be super easy,”

I wince and throw back half of my solo cup, looking into it and swirling the alcohol heavy drink around.

   “Well, I’m doing just fine, maly paly, how about yourself?”

She rolls her eyes and leads me into the living room, filled with our national teammates.I lean my head on her shoulder, trying to hold back semi angry, semi sad tears.

  “Man, I’m trying to help your ass, you gotta do something about this, we’ve all seen how y’all look at each other,”

I shake my head, scoffing.

  “Mal, she obviously doesn’t. She brought Brooke or whatever the fuck her name is, didn’t she?”

Mal just shakes her head, giving my head a pat and walking away to go find Rose or Emily or someone. I sit in my corner and nurse the rest of my drink, trying to avoid looking at Sonnett.

  Periodically people come over to talk to me, trying to convince me to go talk to Sonny. It’s not until Megan staggers over for the third time that I snap.

     “Dude! She obviously doesn’t like me like that! I thought she did but she doesn’t, she literally brought another girl to the party, and if that doesn’t spell, ‘hey don’t really like you y/n’ then I don’t know what does!”

I’m crying by the end of my small explosion, something any of the team rarely sees.

   “Okay, bruiser, we’re gonna get you some water, maybe some advil, and then we’re going to go talk this out with Rose, and then we’ll see how you feel, okay?”

In any other setting this would be comical. The small 5’6 Megan Rapinoe trying to coax a 6’2 goalkeeper somewhere. I just nod and let her lead me wherever she decides to go. 

   I end up in my bedroom, dressed in my boxers and a sports bra, with a bottle of water.

  “Okay, y/n Pinoe said I should talk to you cause’ you’re all depresso expresso bubs,”

I choke out a laugh, rubbing my face with my large hands and turning to face Rose.

   “Look, Sonny said not to tell you, but I’m tired of the both of you dancing around each other and being all up in denial, so… Sonny brought Tessa to try and move on I guess? I dunno her head works kinda weird. So, my semi plan is that we can all get up in a group, play some truth or dare, and then she picks truth, or you do, and then confess, and it’s a love story for the ages,”

I must still be drunk because that doesn’t seem like a half bad idea. I slowly nod before I get up, heading to the door. I glower at Rose as she grabs my arm.

  “Hey, don’t think any of us would complain, but you should probably like cover the abs, Sonny might just die if you don’t,”

   “Oh, huh, didn’t notice it I guess,”

I quickly put on a tank top, a palm tree with ‘suns out guns out’ printed on it.

Me and Rose both leave my room, heading to the living room where everyone is already sitting on the couches and chairs in a circle. Ash pipes up, grinning wildly.

  “Rosie Posie already told us we’re playing truth or dare, and must I say… Bring it BITCHES!!”

Everyone laughs and we have a small arm wrestling contest to see who goes first. Allysa groans as I slam her hand into the coffee table.

  “Okay, okay, Ali, truth or dare?”

 The game goes well until it’s Emily’s turn to ask and she turns to me.

“Y/n, Executive Frat Daddy Jr, truth or dare?”

Fuck, fuckity fuck fuck! Can’t risk truth, but dare is going to suck ass. Fuck! 

“I’mma go with dare, Son, let’s see what you can cook up,”

She sits with a pensive look on her face for a few moments, her hat slipping down for a moment before she pushes it up.

  “Okay, I’m going to give you a choice. You can either let the group call the person you’re interested in, ooorr… you can drink this the rest of this vodka,”

Oh no. this is a bad. A bery bad. 

  “Yeah, no way I’m letting these asshats call whoever, so I guess we’re chugging this bitch,”

Em whistles, her arm around the girl she brought. Why the fuck can’t I remember her name? I take the bottle, which is a little more than half way full, and twist off the cap.

  “Let this go down in history as the night that y/n y/l/n defied death!”

I nod at Ash, thanking her for her full support of my dumbassery.

  “Wait, if I’m draining this then lets raise the stakes. I’m completely confident in my ability to not vomit with this so, if I do, I’ll let y’all call my mystery person!”

Everyone cheers and I throw up a quick fist before I get to chugging. I get about ¾ of the way through my half and my stomach starts to roll. Aw hell nah, we are not calling Emily. No fucking way. I last a few more chugs, leaving about an inch or two at the bottom of the bottle before my stomach really starts to roll.

  “Oh fuck, she’s gonna barf!”

I run to my bathroom, clipping my foot on the coffee table, and sprawling myself on it.

  “Shit, shit, pick her up! Y/n, when the hell did ya’ get so heavy,”

I groan as they stand me up and help me to my kitchen sink. I get to it right as the half handle comes back up, along with everything else in my stomach.

  “God, that’s rank, remind me why you picked this Sonnett?”

  “Dude, I thought she could hold her liquor, or that she’d pick the other option!”

I groan as I finish retching. I stand up and sway lightly, trying to walk to my fridge to get some water. I take a swig and straighten up.

  “Okay, listen up bitches! Since I did a piss poor job at the dare, y’all are gonna call mystery person of interest,”

Everyone clambers to get to my phone, which I hand to Ali. She raises her eyebrows at me and I just nod. She dials Em’s number and puts it on speaker, setting it on the coffee table. 

  Em’s eyebrows furrow and she grabs her phone. Her face screws up a bit.

“Yeah, that’s real funny Ali, lets actually call the person now, kay?”

I just look at her.

“There you go. Now, I’m going to go lay down before I ruin any other relationships, I’ll catch y’all at team bonding tomorrow,”

I throw up a quick peace sign before I book it to my room, closing the door and sitting on my bed, peeling off my tank top and laying down before the tears start to leak out of my eyes. I hear someone at my door and huff.

  “I told y’all she didn’t feel like that, I’ve had a rough night, I’d like it if you’d leave me alone,”

Someone chuckles softly.

  “Well you didn’t tell me that I didn’t feel that way so I’m going to wager and say that I’m fine to come in?”

Oh shit. Of course it’s Sonny, I know better than to try and walk away from something that big. I quickly rub my eyes and nose, trying to smooth down my hair slightly before I go open the door.

  Emily’s eyes widen as she glances at my stomach.

 “Oh, whoops, Rose told me to put the shirt on, my bad”

I go to grab the shirt and she stops me, putting her arms around my waist.

  “Dude, I thought I made it obvious by coming up here that I’m interested in you as well, have been since college pretty much. And don’t worry about the shirt, I really don’t mind at all, hotstuff,”

I whip my head to look at her instead of the wall. 

  “Bitch wait. We will be coming back to hotstuff, but more importantly... You are not telling me that 1) you had a crush on dumb college nerd me and 2) we’ve wasted this much time? I would’ve killed to get your attention in college!”

She chuckles and shakes her head.

  “I guess we’re both dumb lesbians then… well, in that case, would you like to go out with me after the cup? I mean only if you want to, we can definitely go back to mutually pining.”

I shake my head.

  “Yeah, no, don’t think so. Well, since you’re already here, would you like to stay over so you don’t have to drive back to yours? Or I can drive you back, I don’t know how much you’ve had to drink, or I can sleep on the couch it’s totally fi-“

  “Dude, we’ve literally roomed together for every camp and tournament, I’d love to sleep over,”

I shrug and we both go about getting ready to sleep. I grab her a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that she left over for these exact occurrences. We both brush our teeth and then sink into my bed.

   I leave about a foot of space between us, not wanting to weird Emily out, but she just huffs, grabs my arms, and pulls me to where they wrap around her waist.

  “You gotta chill, we’ve been doing this for years, now we just get to enjoy it and know that we’re interested, okay?”

I nod and tighten my hold, thinking about all it’s taken to come here, and how good it feels now that we’ve sorted everything out. 

   I wake up to a mouthful of hair, which isn’t a new experience when waking up next to Emily “I shed more than a German Shepherd with a skin condition” Sonnett. There’s both a pounding in my head and at my door. I groan as the night comes back to me, tightening my hold on Emily’s waist. I try to gently move away from her, but only get the tightening of hands and a low, drawn out whine.

  “Fuck whoever decided to come and get you, I want to cuddle,”

I chuckle, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead and picking her up, carrying her bridal style to my front door and opening it.

  “Hello, this is the y/l/n household, how may we help you on this fine day?”

Ashlyn looks up from her phone and lets out an uncharacteristic squeal when she hears Emily.

  “Oh my god! Y’all totally fucked right? Who am I asking, of course you did! Well the whole team is waiting downstairs so maybe freshen up and don’t keep us waiting? Today’s a beach day and we’re all stuck waiting on your sorry asses,”

  She goes to rush downstairs, presumably to tell the whole team about Emily and I. I quickly grab her by the shoulder, promptly dumping Em on the ground.

  “Oh fuck, sorry babe, my b.”

  “Now, you, we did not, as you so crudely put it, ‘totally fucked’. Em stayed here last night after we figured some stuff out. So, go tell the team we’ll be down in like 10, thanks,”

She quickly nods as I help Emily up, lacing our hands as we go into my room. I quickly give her one of my hoodies, some shorts she’s left over, and a spare bathing suit she has left over as well. I let her shower in the master, going downstairs to shower and then change into a floral print shirt over a black bikini with swim shorts. By the time I get out of the shower, Emily is waiting in the living room, a small cooler packed with beer and water.

  “Thanks babe, we ready to go?”

Now, this term of endearment is not new. The blush that spreads over the usually pale cheeked Sonny is though.

  “Wait, are you really blushing over babe? I’ve called you babe since junior year of college Em! This is definitely going to be used to my advantage,”

She just shrugs and mumbles something.

“What was that emmy? Can’t hear you over the blush, babe”

She smiles and grabs my hand.

  “If you could hear, I said ‘you didn’t mean anything by it before, or at least I didn’t think you did, so yes I did blush over it,”

I feel a giant grin slip onto my face and I tuck her under my arm, both of us grabbing any last minute things and heading downstairs. 

  The team is all waiting on us and we quickly head to a little place in town to get some breakfast. We all pile into a corner booth, me and Emily squeezing into the corner. Ash and Pinoe are almost vibrating with excitement and Megan pretty much screams at us.

  “Okay, y’all are gonna tell us all the juicy deets about y’all doing the hanky panky last night, right?”

I start to crack up and Emily puts her hand on my shoulder. I gasp and motion for Emily to explain.

   “Well, after you crackheads left, I went upstairs to try and chat with bruiser here and she was crying and so she answered the door almost nude and then we established that we’re going to go out after the cup, and then we went to bed, and that’s it,”

  Ash and Pinoe both boo and the rest of the team just nods. I put my hand on Em’s hand under the table and she laces our fingers together. The waitress comes and we order food, eating it quickly and then heading to the beach for a fun day in the surf.

   It’s been two weeks since me and Emily officially got together and it’s been pretty great. The first game of the SheBelieves Cup is tomorrow and me and Emily are both lounging around my apartment, trying to mentally prepare. We’ve discussed coming out to the fans a quiet a bit and decided that if they ask, we’ll tell, but not until then. We’ve talked more and are now officially girlfriends, and we’ve gone out for breakfast almost everyday, driving to training together, and spending the evenings with each other or the rest of the team. The rest of the night goes by pretty quickly, Em and I playing some video games and watching last years semi-final game against England in the World Cup to prepare. We fall asleep at around 11:30 wrapped up tightly in my bed, Emily laying on top of my chest, my arms around her waist.

   Today’s the day. The first day of the cup, and my start for the USWNT in one of the most important games in the cup. Vlatko told me that I would be starting and I’m pretty sure my eyes popped out of my head. Emily is also starting, so we’ll get to play together. The team meets at the Exploria stadium and we all start to individually warm up. I have my airpods in and am in the middle of some volleys with AD when Emily runs up to me. I turn off the music and look at her, smiling at the small shine in her eye from her love of the game.

  “Okay, so, I had a grand idea, and Rosie Posie agrees, so does Ms. Kelley,” “Okay then, what’s the grand idea that has popped into your head, Ms. Sonny?”

She grins really big.

 “Well, someone mentioned that they need people for press after the game, and I may have volunteered us two, and then I thought, why not kill two metaphorical birds with a metaphorical anvil, or however that goes, and maybe we could tell people tonight?”

I laugh at her phrasing and go to hug her.

  “I mean, sure, Em! We’re both getting a start, we’re on home turf, why not? Let’s do it babe!”

She laughs and runs back to the defenders. I turn to AD and she grins at me.

  “I’m sure you know it, but, you break her heart and every one of them is going to ruin you,”

I chuckle.

  “Yeah, I know. The day I hurt her is the day they take out my ankles,”

We chat about AD’s fiance for a bit while we volley, and then the game is set to start.

  Me and Sonny stand beside each other for the anthem, our hands brushing as we stand facing the flag. The team gets into a quick huddle before the game, and everyone looks to me to do a pre-game pep talk.

  “Okay y’all, all I really have to say is let’s go out there, bring the boom, show them what team USA’s all about, eh? We got this, we did it in the world cup, we can do it again. Let’s do this!”

Everyone does our pre-game chant and we all take our positions. I slap Em on the shoulder as I go take my place in goal and she winks at me. 

   The games goes great. We win with two points over England, and no serious injuries. I mean, Toby did get a bit of a hair pull, but Chrissy took care of that. The team is back in the locker room, celebrating and getting ready for post-game stuff. Me and Sonny get a drink and then go to do press. We walk out of the tunnel and over to where they need us, taking a couple seats in front of the interviewer.

  “So, y/n, Emily, how does it feel to both start, in your guy’s home stadium?”

“Well it’s not really home yet, at least not quite for me, but it’s pretty amazing, we all played so well, and just had a really nice game,”

I nod along with what Emily said and smile as the interviewer turns to me.

  “What about you y/n? How do you feel about tonight?”

“Well, I didn’t have many shots on goal so I’d say it was pretty rad, uh, we all were really connected and on top of things, it was no easy game, for sure, but I think we just brought it,”

  “Now, fans have been speculating for years, and it’s fired up again in the past couple weeks, but are you dating anyone, y/n? They seem to have picked up on something!”

I glance at Emily and she nods, grinning.

  “I mean, yeah, I’ve recently started dating someone, so if they picked up on that, they must really be in tune with us,”

The interviewer leans in closer.

  “Any specific people, any specific things to say?”

“I guess I just want to say that she makes me really happy, and I’m glad I get to train with her and play with her almost everyday!”

I grab Emily’s hand and kiss it before placing it on the table, winking at the camera, thinking about how lucky I am and how glad I am that I threw up on my dare.

[xhannahbananax03]

Lake Party

Words: 1.9k

Chapter Warnings: Angst, underaged drinking, flirting, kissing, catcalling

MASTERLIST

After you went inside you got straight to work,  you decided that you would choose the bathing suit for Dean,  and the outfit for Sam,  because Sammy never really liked when you wore two pieces,  he didn't like to flaunt you, even though sometimes you wish he would. First you set your clothes out once you had that all ready, you go to work on your makeup and hair,  for makeup you went with a very light peach the was shimmery for eyeshadow.  You put on some eyeliner and mascara,  then a lip gloss.  For hair you did two French braids.  When you were done with that you slipped on your bathing suit and dress along with a nice pair of flats.

Once you were ready you grabbed your phone and bag and headed down stairs hoping to eat a little of that pie before you left.  Once you made it downstairs your mom was hugging Jake with tears in her eyes,  once she released him she saw Dean and gave him a strange look,  but soon that look turned into one of understanding.  She smiled at him and welcomed him in.  You got everybody a piece of pie,  while you were sitting down eating you phone rang.  You grabbed it and looked at the caller.  It was Sam.  "Hold on I gotta take this.  Meet you outside? " Dean nodded and headed for the door while you made your way into the kitchen to talk to Sam.  It wasn't much he just wanted to know if you needed a ride there,  which you didn't.  What you didn't know was how your mother stopped Dean just before he followed Jake outside.

~Deans POV~

(y/n) 's mom stopped me just before I was outside, "hey Dean,  isn't it? " She asked.  "Yes ma'am? " I replied turning around to face her.  "My baby has been through so much,  all that I ask is that you take care of her. " She cocked an eyebrow at me,  at first I didn't know what I should say,  just then I saw (y/n)  walking out of the kitchen looking pleased and happy,  before I could stop myself I looked back to her mother,  "Yes ma'am I will,  I promise. " She looked pleased with my answer and backed off,  just then (y/n)  came and stood by me,  "you promise what? " She looked up to me,  with what looked like hope in her eyes.  Before I could do anything her mom came over and gave her a kiss on the cheek,  "I presume your staying with Jake tonight? " She asked both of us,  (y/n)  nodded and said,  "if you don't mind... " Her mother nodded and waved us off her doorstep,  "remember sweetheart don't do anything I wouldn't! " He mom hollered at her,  before we reached the car,  she blushed hard and looked down in embarrassment causing me to chuckle.

~Your POV~

Smooth mom,  real smooth.  At that exact moment you wanted the earth to open and swallow you whole,  but when Dean chuckled,  it made you realize he didn't take it seriously,  making you a little sad,  but you smiled nonetheless.  You hopped in the car,  and Dean went around to the drivers side,  Jake looked back at you,  "Nice job not looking like trash. " You put your hand on your chest in mock hurt,  as both boys snickered amongst themselves, you leaned up and hit the both in the shoulder,  then you all started laughing again. 

  "But in all honesty (y/n), " Dean started,  "you look amazing. " He looked at you through the mirror with that smirk that make your knees weak, and that gaze that's so intense it's hard to look away,  but you managed mumbling a small "thanks." Before looking back out the window.

~Time Skip to the Party~

As you got out of the car,  you looked up hoping to spot Sam,  when you didn't,  you figured he show up sooner or later.  Jake walked over to his group of friends,  and started talking with them,  leaving you and Dean.  

"Do you want to grab something drink? " You asked him nodding your head towards the table holding various types of beer,  whiskey,  and soda. "Sure." He replied,  you both made your way to the table,  once you got there you grabbed a can of Coke and drank some of it before pouring some whiskey in it.  Dean gave you a 'really? ' look,  and you just said  "what? ",  " I've never seen a girl who likes whiskey. " He replied grabbed a beer a cracking it open.  

"Well I like whiskey. " There it was that same perky voice that you came to loathe.  Megan grab a bottle before chugging at least a fourth of it  you and Dean watched her shocked.  "Woah,  Megan slow down. " You tried coaxing her,  you didn't like her,  but it's only fair you warn her of the side effects.  "Shut up,  (y/n).  I know what I'm doing. " She said setting the bottle down,  before grabbing Dean's face and kissing him.  Hard.  

"I'll leave you guys alone then... " You said picking up your drink and walking towards Jake.  Once you got over there you noticed your friend Sarah was talking to him,  making you smile.  "I see you two are catching up nicely. " You said trying not to be to pushy.  "Yeah,  I missed a lot. " That's when you saw it,  they were holding hands.  Once Jake noticed you saw he blushed rubbing the back of his neck with his other hand.  "I get it.  Ill leave you lovebirds alone! " You said over your shoulder walking away.  When you turned around you bumped into a strong frame,  almost spilling your drink everywhere.  "Oh,  shit!  Sorry! " You said trying to move out of their way,  when he lifted your chin with his fingers so he could see your face,  you smiled.  "Hey,  Sam. " 

"Hey,  I would ask if you want to get a drink,  but I see you already have one. " He said pointing to your drink in your hand as you took a sip of it.  "So,  where are you going in such a hurry? " He said now walking with you by your side. "Oh I was actually going to talk to Sheryl. " You said looking down at where you were walking then looking up at him sideways only to see him staring down at you.  "You remember her right?  Sheryl Waters? "

"Oh,  yeah Sherry.  Why do you want to talk to her?  I don't remember you guys being close. " He said stopping at the drink table to grab a beer,  you stopped with him leaning against the table. 

"I think she has a thing for one of my friends,  Dean.  And I just wanted to know if she needed any help with that. " You said maybe a little to depressing like,  because he only replied with a 'hm. '. 

All of a sudden Mark showed up beside you,  "Hey sweet cheeks! " He said while wobbling a bit.  "Wow,  only 5: 30 and your already drunk? " You asked chuckling a bit at the site of him.  He used to be Sam's best friend before he moved. 

"Hey Mark!  Long time no see! " Sam said pulling Mark in for a bro hug,  "Sammy is that you? " Mark asked looking up squinting towards Sam,  "dude,  you need to cut your hair! " Mark said making you nudge him in the arm,  "I think it's fine just the way it is. " You said blushing a bit as Sam sweetly smiled down at you.  Sam was so amazing it hurt your heart to know that he didn't love you enough to stay with you even if he was moving,  but he was right,  it was better to end things in person than over text.  "Well I think I'm going to go find Sherry now. " You told the guys,  Sam reached down to kiss you,  but you moved your head just in time so he would hit your cheek instead,  making him frown slightly. 

After walking for a bit,  you found Sherry,  she was standing in front of the lake gazing out into the beautiful horizon with the sun slowly setting,  "hey Sherry. " You must have scared her because she jumped a little making you chuckle,  "sorry,  for scaring you.  But what are you doing out here all alone?  Why don't we go find Dean? " You asked her walking up next to her.  "He's not interested... " She said looking down while frowning,  even though you really liked Dean and you had no idea why you were helping her with him,  but you felt bad for her.  "What!?  Of course he is!  You saw how he looked at you at the diner. " You said now standing in front of her you drink forgotten on the ground,  holding her upper arms with your hands making her look at you.  "I saw him making out with Megan... " She said looking even more sad now,   it made you also feel terrible,  if Sam doesn't take you home tonight,  your not sure anyone will.  "Well then let's show him what he's missing! " You said stripping out of your dress and shoes,  "(y/n)!  Omg what are y-" She cut herself off once she saw you had a bathing suit on underneath,  "oh... " 

"Well,  come on Sherry!  Don't you have a bathing suit on? " She nodded her head but still kept her arms over her chest.  That's when you realized she was a year younger than you,  therefore a lot...  Smaller than you. "Come on,  no one will judge,  and if they do,  screw them! " You exclaimed throwing your hands in the air,  "yeah,  but he'll still only have eyes for her... " She said still sounding sad,  man this was going to be a hard fight but you will win.  "Sherry, " You said grabbing her hands,  "there are many other guys here,  so screw dean. " Finally she gave in taking off her shorts and tank top,  making some guys catcall her,  making her blush and smile,  "there you go!  Now come on! " You grabbed her hand and started running towards the rope swing.  "Would you like to do the honors miss Sherry?" Bowing in front of her,  she smiled but said "do you mind going first?  I've never really...  Done this. " You stood up and grabbed on to the rope looking around once more,  you saw Sam staring at you,  making you blush,  but then you turned and saw Dean staring at you biting his lip,  which made you feel brave,  after winking at him you swung yourself of the dock and let go of the rope before pencil diving into the water,  for a moment you didn't come up,  scaring Dean,  but after another second you popped out of the water and swam to land,  once you made it,  everybody cat called,  and hollered when you bowed.  Once you were done,  you walked back over to your drink and sat down taking a sip you saw Sherry swimming around with some guy,  making you smile. 

While you were distracted someone came and sat by you.

[aion-rsa]

Bridesmaids Ten Years on: “It Should Not Have Been Subversive”

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

“From the producer of Superbad, Knocked Up and The 40-Year-Old Virgin” headlines the 2011 poster for Bridesmaids. It might as well have continued “comes a comedy starring… women!” While the producer in question, Judd Apatow, had nearly created his own subgenre of modern coming-of-age comedies featuring male friendships (regardless of the age his characters were ‘coming of’), a credible, genuinely funny, ensemble laugher starring all women was virtually unheard of. Or at least so it seemed at the time. Quotes on other posters included proclamations like, “Chick flicks don’t have to suck!” (Movieline) and “Better Than The Hangover!” (Cosmopolitan).

Ten years on, it seems both like yesterday when the film came out and also a whole era away: a time when women headlining a comedy movie was somehow strange, “chick flicks” were accepted to be a lesser form of cinema, and The Hangover was considered the pinnacle of hilarity. From a script written by Annie Mumolo and Kristen Wiig (who also stars), featuring a wedding where romance is in no way the focus of the movie, and starring a host of funny women, a smattering of gross-out humor, and some of the most honest and empathetic depictions of female friendship around, Bridesmaids was a beacon. And it shines just as strong today.

A week ahead of Bridesmaids’ 10th birthday (its original U.S. release was May 13, 2011), Den of Geek is chatting with director Paul Feig via Zoom. Feig is in Belfast and into week four of his fantasy adaptation The School for Good and Evil (based on the book). When we tell him we can’t quite believe it’s been 10 years he laughs, “You can’t? Imagine how I feel!”

While the movie itself remains fresh, funny, and sweet, that it was considered quite so daring just 10 years ago is a bit of a shock now. Certainly Feig never considered the movie to be subversive at the time.

“But everybody kept talking to us like it was!” he says. “It just made me mad because the whole subversive thing was, ‘Oh my gosh, it’s a movie starring women.’ And it was like, ‘Really?’ It was 2009 or 2010 at the time we were making it. It was like ‘Wow, if this is subversive, that’s kind of a sad indictment of the industry that we’re in.’ It was annoyingly subversive. It should not have been subversive. It should just have been a funny comedy starring funny people.”

He’s right of course. The fact is the movie was a benchmark. Feig explains that female writer friends who were pitching ideas for female casts at the time Bridesmaids was being made were all told across the board, “We have to wait and see how Bridesmaids does.” That is a whole lot of pressure for one movie—the idea that Feig’s comedy would influence the cinematic landscape for an entire gender. But the reality is, it did.

Feig is demure when we bring up how much the movie changed the film world, but he concedes that it did help to prove to studio execs that female-led films can make money.

“I’d been told in the years running up to that, when I would be pitching female-led projects, ‘Oh no, you can’t, because men won’t go see it. Internationally, it won’t work. Blah, blah, blah.’ All these rules, rules, rules, and you just start to go like, ‘Well, so we’re just going to accept those rules? So women can never have their own projects?’

“We were able to at least show them, ‘Look, if you do it, and it works, then audiences will show up. And not just female audiences. Men will show up.’ I think our movie benefited from the fact that women would bring their significant others to the film, whether they wanted to go or not, and then they could tell their friends, ‘Hey, you should see that. It’s really funny.’”

It worked. Bridesmaids was a massive success, both critically and commercially, grossing over $288 million worldwide (it’s the highest grossing Apatow movie to date) and bagging two Oscar nominations.

Bridesmaids isn’t the first female ensemble comedy, but it’s undeniable that it was a 21st century game-changer. Without it we may not have had movies like Pitch Perfect and its two sequels (if you think that film isn’t influenced by Bridesmaids, check out the poster), Bad Moms, Ocean’s Eight, Girls’ Trip, Feig’s own Ghostbusters reboot, Rough Night, as well as Melissa McCarthy vehicles Identity Thief, The Heat, Spy, Tammy, and The Boss.

Not every one of those projects is gold and nor should they have to be. The fact that they are allowed to exist and stand or fall on their own merits is crucial. It’s the equivalent of the idea that women in various forms of employment automatically have to be that much better than their male counterparts. Women should have the right to create and star in terrible comedies just as much as men…

Though she was relatively famous before Bridesmaids—perhaps most recognizable for her TV roles including as Sookie St. James in Gilmore Girls—it was Bridesmaids that truly pushed Melissa McCarthy into the mainstream. Nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role as sister of the groom Megan in Bridesmaids, since then McCarthy’s become one of the highest paid actresses in the world.

It’s quite astonishing, then, that Feig didn’t actually know who she was before he met her at a table read. 

“I had never met her before in my life,” he laughs. “We brought her in for an audition because she was friends with Kristen and Annie, and we were having trouble casting that role. Then she just blew me away. And I can’t believe to this day that I did not know she existed until the moment I saw her because she’d been working a lot before that.”

Feig’s first encounter with the script and McCarthy was at a table read back in 2007. Feig says he was in the middle of post-production on an “unsuccessful Christmas movie” called Unaccompanied Minors, which featured Wiig, when Apatow called up.

“He said ‘I know you like to work with female characters, so you should come and see this.’” Feig recalls. “I remember just going like, ‘Oh my God, we can have an amazing vehicle for the funniest women we can find.” 

It wasn’t until three years later though that the project finally came to fruition. Feig says all the basic structure of the script was there but with some differences to the detail. The airplane scene wasn’t originally in the movie, and the women made it to Vegas. The character of Officer Rhodes (played by Chris O’Dowd) was a little different. And the infamous dress shop scene, where the group gets explosively ill after Wiig’s Annie takes them for a meal at a cheap restaurant was, according to Feig, “a little more of a competition about Helen [Rose Byrne] wanting an expensive dress and Annie trying to steer towards a cheap dress.”

The dress shop scene in the finished film has become notorious with food poisoning landing in full force during a bridal fitting, McCarthy’s Megan straddling a sink, and Maya Rudolph’s bride-to-be Lillian forced to relieve herself in the middle of the road wearing a wedding dress. Yep, not only is Bridesmaids a film about women, it’s a film where women have violent diarrhea, a massive taboo, even still. Feig recalls it was a delicate balance to make sure it was character driven and not just gross. 

“When we first came up with the idea and pitched it to Kristen, she was a little nervous, but rightly so. I mean, honestly, with Judd and I, two guys suddenly going, ‘Hey, let’s do this,’ it could have been terrible,” Feig says.

“We like to have these outrageous scenes that stick with you, but they can’t be outrageous just because, ‘Hey, let’s just have something, everybody shits and farts all over the place.’ That’s not funny to us. What’s funny to us is the idea of she’s competing with somebody who has more money. She has no money. She’s going to try to compete by taking them to a shitty restaurant and saying it’s a good restaurant. And it’s going to blow up in her face. How does it blow up in her face?

“The funny thing is she’s not going to admit in front of her nemesis that this blew up in her face. And so now the comedy is like, ‘We’re just going to throw so much evidence at you that you’ve screwed up.’ The comedy’s going to be like, ‘I’m fine. They’re fine. Nothing’s wrong. I’m not sweating. I’m not about to die.’ And that’s why it’s funny. Then that allows us to go like, ‘And now let’s just have the evidence be hilarious and go crazy with it.’”

So much of what works so brilliantly about the movie is the chemistry between all of the cast. Wiig and Rudolph were already best friends in real life, and the rest of the cast, who all came from the world of improv, had either worked together or at least seen each other’s work.

“The great thing about comedy people, in improv especially, is they’re not lone wolves,” Feig explains. “They live and die by the interaction they have with the people they’re working with. So you don’t get a situation where somebody is a diva or trying to be like, ‘Oh, they’re stealing my jokes.’ They want to make each other as funny as they can while they also make themselves as funny as they can. So it was just a wonderful, supportive set. I mean, we had so much fun. There were never any moments of anything other than just laughing and having a great time.”

Though most of the cast was recognizable, to a U.S. audience at least, from TV shows like SNL, since Bridesmaids their careers have boomed. As well as McCarthy’s enormous success, Wiig has most recently starred as a main character in Wonder Woman 1984 (with a chance she might return for another installment); Ellie Kemper is now best known as The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmit; Wendi McLendon-Covey is the star of The Goldbergs; and Maya Rudolph seems to be in everything—we loved her as the Judge in The Good Place, among other things.

Pre-Bridesmaids Australian actress Rose Byrne was probably best known for serious roles in movies like Sunshine, 28 Weeks Later and Troy, and while her character, Helen, is something of the straight woman of the gang, she’s had plenty of opportunities to exercise her comedy chops since, with movies including Neighbors, Instant Family, and Like a Boss.

Though the antagonism between Annie and Helen and the effect it has on Annie’s friendship with Lillian is the central tension of the plot, it was always important to Wiig and Feig not to turn Helen into the villain of the piece.

“Helen doesn’t really do anything terrible,” Feig explains. “I always said, we have to face this from Helen’s point-of-view, which is: Helen meets Lillian. Lillian’s this awesome, smart person. And she then meets her friend who she’s heard all these weird stories about and the friend is kind of a mess. And so to her, she goes like, ‘That’s kind of a toxic friend. I’m going to, in a very lovely way, try to steer Lillian away from this bad influence in her life and towards better things, because I think she can go better places.’ So from Helen’s point-of-view, everything that Annie is doing is terrible because Annie’s trying so hard.”

It means that Bridesmaids very clearly avoids the trope that women aren’t able to get along, and Feig and Wiig pointedly wanted to avoid any sense of it being a catfight.

“We like to redeem people at the end,” Feig says. “It’s really sweet to redeem Helen and go, no, she’s just this needy person who has a husband who was never home. And she’s trying. She clearly has no self-confidence whatsoever, no self-esteem and so she’s just trying to buy it. So it just makes everybody redeemable and lovely at the end.”

Feig says he’s always been fascinated by female friendships and says he’s mostly friends with women. It’s another reason it was always important to him that despite being a “wedding movie” that Bridesmaids kept the relationships between the women at the heart.

Says Feig, “I don’t consider this a romantic comedy, even with the Chris O’Dowd love story. To me, that’s just a prize at the end that Annie gets when she works herself out with her friend. But that’s what drew me to it. If you look at my other movies, I’m just obsessed with the idea of female friendship and exploring it on screen, because I just find it to be one of the most interesting and fun and sweet relationships in my life that I’ve experienced.”

It’s this authenticity that helps Bridesmaids still ring so true a decade on. Though a comedy about women, written by two really funny women, which isn’t a romance and contains farts and shits shouldn’t be subversive, it was definitely a trailblazer. And Feig concedes that it’s helped with “getting over that stupid hurdle of ‘chick flick.’”

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

“I despise that term because it’s just a way for guys to dismiss movies starring the opposite sex,” he says. “Hollywood is not an altruistic town. They’re not going to do stuff just to do the right thing. It has to make money. We were at least able to show: look, you can actually make money and do the right thing.”

Bridesmaids is now exclusively streaming on Peacock.

The post Bridesmaids Ten Years on: “It Should Not Have Been Subversive” appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3y2TKgl

[angelholme]

May, Myself and I -- Year 3, Day 13 : Recreation

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something"

For some people, this is possibly one of (if not the most) famous lines in the history of film, along with "My name is Inigo Montoya", "I do not think it means what you think it means" and -- of course -- "As you wish"

However what most people might not know is that the quote from the start of this entry -- one of the most famous lines in the history of film -- isn't in Goldman's book, or in Morgenstern's original story. Or at least in the form that it appears in the film.

And it isn't spoken by The Man In Black -- it isn't even spoken by a character that appears in the film.

In the book, and the original story, it is spoken by Fezzik's mother, during a flashback to tell the story of how he ended up working for Vizzini.

The entire flashback is cut for the film, and the line -- and it is a very good line -- is handed to The Man In Black instead.

Of course, it doesn't really change the flow of the film, or the story. The fact that The Man in Black says the line, rather than an unnamed character who only appears in a single scene, makes no difference to the story at all.

(It does -- from a certain point of view -- make quite a lot of difference to the feeling behind the line. But that is going to have to be the subject of another post, if I ever get around to it, because to fully explore the difference between The Man in Black saying it just after he steals Buttercup away from her kidnappers and Fezzik's mother saying it will take far longer than the time I have here)

Which is why I am a big fan of the film, even after reading (and loving) the book. When the book was adapted to the screen, there were a fair number of changes (most notably the loss of the parentheses, which I admit was kind of predictable because I have no idea how they could have been carried across to the screenplay) and yet the spirit of the story was kept the same.

And this, generally speaking, is my guide for whether an adaptation is good. If the spirit of the book, and the characters in the book, survives then I generally tend to think it is good. However when the film screws over the characters, or destroys the spirit of the book, then I am generally less happy.

(There is, sometimes, an undefined x-factor that is -- as the name suggests -- undefined and unquantifiable, but that is rare and unusual)

The most recent examples of these (the spirit thing, not the x-factor thing) have been Ready Player One, IT Part 1 and The Lord of The Rings Saga.

In the last case there were various instances where the characters just got totally screwed over -- not just minor changes, but ones that changed their entire identity. Faramir, Treebeard, Elrond..... it just seemed wrong. Plus missing The Scourging was a little unforgivable because it destroyed the entire point of the story -- that war, no matter where it is fought, always ends up affecting the local lives of people who are fighting it.

In IT Part 1 (and, actually, Ready Player One) it was the way they ignored the group dynamic. That The Losers were stronger together, and that they fought IT together, defeated IT together, and that they stayed together -- only when they were apart did bad things happen. The film ignored almost all of that. And -- as I may have alluded to (or outright stated) elsewhere the utter shredding of Beverly's character.

Ready Player One was also about the lesson that people are stronger together -- that they really didn't reach their full strength until they joined together as a team, and they only really won when they got everyone fighting Sorrento at once at the Battle of Anorak. It also glossed over a lot of the political stuff, but mostly it was ignoring the group dynamics. And, of course, what they did to Artymiss.

There are a few other films -- The Voyage of The Dawn Treader and Prince Caspian for example -- but these were the ones that really stood out in recent times.

Of course, some of my favourite books have also been adapted into truly great films -- the Megan Follows version of Anne of Green Gables, the original version of IT from 1990, the Harry Potter series, the Twilight series -- they are very well done adaptations and keep the characters, the spirit of the story and so on alive and well, and the changes made are minimal or entirely irrelevant. So it's not like I hate every film that has been made out of my beloved books :)

I just think that when you are recreating something that a lot of people love and adore, and think of as a part of their childhood (or their past) you have to take some care and attention with how you do it, and not just wade in willy-nilly.

Of course, no matter how much care and attention you take, there are good odds you will end up upsetting someone, and everyone has a different standard for what they will accept as "good" and a lot of people will think that the books I love and adore are utter crap. So really there is a fair to good chance the film makers can't win.

But all in all, they could have done a better job with Bev's character.

[cheerfulmelancholies]

Medical Mechanical-Ch. 4

"This is it, Diana. Just one more day and then it'll be over." She stopped mumbling to herself as she secured her bike to its usual light post. It was Friday and she couldn't wait for the weekend. Not only would she have more time to relax, she could also do some digging on MM. Despite these benefits, however, the best part about the next two days was that she wouldn't have to hear all the gossip and nonsense about her and her father.

Walking into first period gave her the exact same scenario she'd just escaped from yesterday, only now Megan and her gaggle of hens stood waiting by her usual spot. Joanne wore an especially smug expression, as though she'd achieved something Diana had no hope of gaining. She groaned and craned her gaze to the ceiling before entering the danger zone.

"What," she said before they could open their mouths.

Megan faltered for a millisecond before offering one of her signature grins. "Well, aren't you just excited to be here today," she said, tone patronizing.

Diana blinked and watched her with disinterest.

"You've obviously got other stuff to do so I'll make this quick. I heard Medical Mechanical is about to open a new division." She paused for dramatic affect.

Diana sighed, having no choice but to take the bait. Acting like it physically hurt her, she said, "So?"

"I heard your father is supposed to be at the forefront of it." She caught the slight twitch of an eyebrow and flashed a Cheshire grin. "Apparently, Mr. Ryder is one of their best."

"And you would know this, how?"

"Well, I've met this remarkable man who works at one of their Rapid Response clinics and he said-"

She didn't need to hear anymore. "Let me stop you right there," Diana said, pointing a finger in the other girl's face. "First off, if that's supposed to be some underhanded insult then, wow, you are really losing your edge. I mean, come on. Remarkable," she mocked, imitating the other girl’s voice. "Anyone who's stupid enough to date you isn't any more worth my time than dog shit, so stop trying to make me jealous. And even if you are dating some guy who works there, there's no way he's anywhere near your age, so go ahead and guess what that makes you." She chuckled. "But I'll be kind. I'll go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt and say you're just full of B.S." She flashed her own sinister grin at the girl's offended look.

"Like you know everything," Joanne snapped, stepping in to defend her leader. "She's just trying to warn you. You're the one whose father works for those freaks."

Turning to satellite two, she said, "Nice defense. Am I supposed to be insulted or what? Isn't she apparently dating someone from there? How's that make her any better?" She looked back at Megan. "And you. I love how you know so much more about my father than me, the person who's actually related to him. I may not know everything he does, but I do know that's bull. Now, if you're done here, I'd like to sit." She finished with a wave to her unoccupied seat.

Megan scoffed. "I was just trying to help you, freak." She spat the word like it tasted foul. "Don't come crying to me when your dad becomes their latest scandal."

"Don't worry," Diana retorted. "You go ahead and worry about your own problems." Without another word she shooed them away and plopped into the chair. She ignored their comments about her father and her messed up family situation. Two minutes later saw the teacher walk in and begin class.

As Ms. Kohl began lecturing them on the importance of the Civil Rights movement, Diana took consecutive glances at the classroom door. Everyone was there but Ethan. She tried to quell her fears by telling herself that he was just running late, or that he'd skipped class. It wasn't unusual, though it kept bothering her. He wasn't like that; he was, like her, too different from the others. She felt a little upset at the thought that he couldn't even show up for her sake, as ridiculous as that sounded. They weren't friends, not really, and he wasn't obligated to stick by her side like glue. He probably just wanted a break from all the harassment.

Still, she found herself missing the camaraderie they shared in being the only two outcasts, and she rather liked the game they played. She tried not to let the disappointment show as she scribbled down notes and periodically fired glares at Megan. When class ended and she carried her things to English, she once again found the room devoid of the boy in question.

It wasn't until lunch that she spotted him, hiding outside at the far end of the campus.

"Where were you?" She was glad she brought her lunch tray with her; he looked like he could use the fuel.

Ethan snapped out of his daze and looked at Diana, surprised. "Oh, hey," he responded. He ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't think that's gonna help." His dark locks were frazzled and sticking up at random angles. No matter how many times he tried to smooth it, the stubborn follicles rebelled.

"Whatever." He refocused his gaze back on the road leading to the school.

"Here." Diana poked him in the arm with the corner of her tray. "You look like you need it," she said to his bewildered expression.

Ethan took it and, with one last glance at the street, motioned with his head for her to follow him. He ignored her questions until they were by the boiler room door away from prying eyes and ears. "Sit," he said, seating himself on the only patch of grass not overtaken by weeds.

"I think I'm good." She folded her arms against herself. This new behavior of his was freaking her out.

He sighed. Picking at the cheap salad, he said, "I was late for a reason, you know."

"Yeah. What was up with that? You're always on time, you nerd." She was trying not to show how much it had bugged her.

"What does your dad tell you about his job?"

The unexpected query took her by surprise. "Nothing much," she said after a moment. His eyes were dead serious.

"You don't know anything about what he does, do you?" He watched her shake her head. "It's the same thing with my mom."

"What does this have to do with you being late?"

"Do you ever keep yourself up at night wondering if any of the rumors are true? Don't you think it's odd... creepy really, that Medical Mechanical never reveals anything they’re working on until it’s done? What do you think they do in that windowless building of theirs?" He let her think about it.

Diana was silent for a few minutes. She didn't like where this was going and a cold stone settled in the pit of her stomach. "I... I know there's something up with them. There has to be. But I don't know what that something is. I'm certainly not gonna get anything from my dad."

Ethan hummed. The tray sat in the dirt beside him, long forgotten. "You never answered my question though."

"Which one?" she joked, though it was devoid of humor.

"If I tell you why I was late, you have to swear not to tell anyone. I'm talking taking it to the grave secret."

"O-okay." She cursed herself for sounding like an unsure child. "I swear," she said, firmer.

"Good. I know I can trust you, I just wanted to make sure you understood how important this was."

He smiled at her and she felt a few stray flutters amidst the ice. "So what's going on?"

He took in a breath. "I was scouting out the MM building where our parents work," he let out. "I didn't get very far; the guards spotted me and chased me off. But I found out a few things."

"You what?!" She hadn't meant to shout. They both glanced around to make sure no one was coming. After glancing at her watch and confirming they still had time, she said, "Do you have any idea how much trouble you'd get into if you were actually caught?"

Despite his situation, he grinned. "Yeah, that would be one hell of a spanking."

"Dude, they know your face. What if they...? Nevermind. Why would you do that?"

The grin faded. "Something's going on and I had to know. Mom's been acting kind of... weird lately. I thought maybe she was just tired from all the work she's been doing but..."

"She's not giving you any answers and you've got a bad feeling." She thought back to Megan's talk of a new division. She thought she'd just been screwing with her, but now...

"I tried looking it up," he went on. "I even went to the damn library. I couldn't find anything about Medical Mechanical other than what they'd already made public. I got in over my head on this one conspiracy site and, well, I just thought I'd try to dig something up myself."

"What do you think this is, a spy movie? They have guards with guns there. They could have shot you." He gave her a strange look and her eyes widened. "They shot at you?"

"Not... exactly." He scratched the back of his head. The hair stayed tangled.

"If there were guns pointed at you and they were firing something, that's being shot at."

Ethan was about to speak when the bell rang. He cursed and stood. Gripping Diana by the shoulders, he locked gazes with her and said, "I need to talk to you about this. Can you meet up with me this weekend?" She nodded. "Alright, good. Give me your phone; I'll add my number."

"This is... a little sudden," she said as he typed in the info.

He looked at her, confused. "What?"

"Nothing," she responded, shaking her head. "This just came out of nowhere, that's all. I still can't believe you did that." She took her phone back and sent a quick text so he'd have her number.

"Yeah, well, you won't believe some of the stuff I found out." He picked up the tray and dusted himself off.

"You seriously expect me to wait until tomorrow? You can't just leave someone hanging like that."

"Sorry, I just feel a little paranoid now." He eyed the boiler room door they'd been standing next to with suspicion. "If you want some food for thought, I'll tell you this: There's no way in or out of that building. I hauled ass for almost the whole perimeter and didn't see a single door, window, vent or even pipes leading out of that thing."

Diana's brows furrowed. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I know. I'll see you later." He walked away then, leaving her standing there dumbly. She snapped herself out of her daze and started towards her next class. She didn't notice the snickers from a group of students near the trash can.

[itsclownhours]

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

.

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

.

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

.

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

.

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

.

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

.

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

.

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

.

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

.

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

.

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

.

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

.

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

.

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

.

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

.

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

.

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

.

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

.

morgause: customer (derogatory)

.

arthur: business major (derogatory)

.

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

.

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

.

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

.

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

.

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

.

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

.

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

.

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

.

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

.

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

.

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

.

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

.

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

.

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

.

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

.

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

.

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

.

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

.

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

.

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

.

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

.

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

.

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

.

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

.

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

.

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

.

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

.

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

.

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

.

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

.

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

.

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

.

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

.

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

.

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

.

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

.

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

.

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

.

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

.

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

.

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

.

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

.

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

.

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

.

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

.

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

.

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

.

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

.

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

.

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

.

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

.

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

.

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

.

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

.

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

.

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

.

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

.

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

.

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

.

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

.

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

.

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

.

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

.

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

.

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

.

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

.

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

.

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

.

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

.

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

.

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

.

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

.

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

.

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

.

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

.

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

.

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

.

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

.

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

.

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

.

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

.

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

.

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

.

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

.

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

.

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

.

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

.

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

.

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

.

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

.

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

.

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

.

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

.

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

.

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

.

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

.

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

.

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

.

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

.

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

.

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

.

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

.

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

.

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

.

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

.

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

.

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

.

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

.

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

.

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

.

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

.

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

.

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

.

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

.

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

.

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

.

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

.

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

.

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

.

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

.

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

.

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

.

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

.

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

.

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

.

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

.

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

.

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

.

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

.

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

.

morgana: i have no self of steam

.

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

.

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

.

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

.

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

.

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

.

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

.

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

.

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

.

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

.

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

.

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

.

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

.

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

.

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

.

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

.

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

.

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

.

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

.

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

.

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

.

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

.

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

.

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

.

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

.

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

.

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

.

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

.

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

.

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

.

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

.

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

.

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

.

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

.

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

.

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

.

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

.

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

.

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

.

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

.

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

.

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

.

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

.

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

.

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

.

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

.

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

.

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

.

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

.

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

.

gwaine: turn down for whom?

.

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

.

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

.

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

.

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

.

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

.

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

.

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

.

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

.

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

.

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

.

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

.

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

.

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

.

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

.

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

.

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

OR

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

.

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

.

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

.

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

.

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

.

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

.

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

.

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

.

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

.

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

.

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

.

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

.

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

.

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

.

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

.

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

.

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

.

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

.

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

.

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

.

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

.

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

.

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

.

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

.

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

.

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

.

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

.

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

.

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

.

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

.

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

.

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

.

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

.

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

.

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

.

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

.

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

[podmusical]

Father Nulls Best

Credits and Lyrics for Episode 11 of Our Dumb Universe

starring:

Announcer - James B Kennedy Kvold - Happy Anderson Fuzzo - Jared Loftin Pangla - Melissa Lusk Sondra - Lauren Lim Jackson Bloor - Carl Howell Dankent - Nathaniel Kent Y Ship - Amy Sheehan Commander - Megan Flower Laymen - Themself written by Jonathan A. Goldberg

music by Matt roi Berger recorded, mixed and edited by Martin Fowler

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/

DANKENT’S SONG

                                 DANKENT

I ain’t the product of the gook inside my bones I ain’t your babe just cuz spored into the unknown My null is voided, you’re not nobody, you don’t count So take a hike pops, you ain’t even worth an ounce! Wait a minute, what’s this coming out my mouth? Never sung nothing before but now I guess I’m singing out! Well let me sing yah ‘zactly what’s I’ve on my mind Cuz it’s been boiling up there for some time You missed on Your long con So piss off I ain’t your son, bum! Take a long walk Off a short dock You can suck my balls! I voluntarily disinherit me, you, as a parent, I reject Already got myself a family, and one that doesn’t make me sick I guess Sondra’s like my mom, and maybe Pangla’s my kid sis Bloor’s like a weird uncle and there’s Fuzzo too I guess. Look I ain’t much, but to them I guess I count So let’s hit the chorus and really spell it out: You missed on This long con So piss off and Kiss my chops, Pops! Go blast off, you jag off You can suck my balls! Man I love sining! Who knew it was so easy! Honestly it’s freaky: Just breath and feel deeply And tell your dad to eat a butt!   Yeah! It’s kinda laughable how bad you screwed this up Your so bad my actual dad looks better just because Sp take your war crimes and shove them in your bum This singing detective ain’t your son! No I ain’t much, but all I am’s not thanks to you Not that you’d understand what friends can do No, You missed on This long con So lift off, Get your hot air long gone I got my friends You ain’t like them You ain’t worth the breath To tell you off Pops No-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! You don’t matter to me! I was fine long ‘Fore you came long You can suck my balls! You can suck my balls! You can suck my balls! __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ Y-SHIP IS A FLY SHIP                                  Y SHIP

Guess who’s back? Y is here! New ship, who dis? Check my brand new gear Hate to brag But my hull is fine And I’m gonna haul When these thrusters fire Back from the dead and ready to let loose Gonna blast some plasma, from my cute caboose! Y-Ship is gonna sail the stars When do we depart? Wanna test these parts! Y-Ship is gonna blow your mind Fastest ship designed Best you’ll ever find, see: The Y-ship is a fly ship, no denying No run of the mill supply ship, bitch is styling Unparalleled design and a leather interior The criterion, the limit, other ships are inferior - Hear me: Stand back, cuz this ship slaps, catching no flack Cuz in a whip crack I’m there, back yeah yeah Blink and you miss - this hip ship’s like a kiss On the lips of a hyper stellar star fairing miss, goddess Technology pushed to its furthest The universe harnessed and strapped to my rockets Speed of light in first gear, I’m honestly yawning Replicating food and fuel and rates almost alarming My sensors are the sharpest, displays are the largest Ever conceived or hypothesized, or possible, honest! And at the heart of this star ship’s the modest and charming Smartest damn bitch in this galaxy’s quadrant, come on! Y-Ship is gonna travel space Take us to the brain Save the human race Y-Ship’ll do it all in style Come on take a ride Dummy get inside me! There was a time I was a finger, so alone No body of my own to call my own, so dark and cold Next thing I know, I’m returned and so much more From death life sparks fresher than before! The Y-Ship is a fly ship can’t deny ship Got a new lease on life ship, ship is priceless Nothing gonna stop her, gonna bother or block her Back to the top, to the center of the galaxy, hop on! This star ship is a hard ship, gonna star in The story of her glory, locked and ready to depart in 3 2 1 blast off and ascend To the ends of the galaxy and do it again! The Y-Ship is a fly ship can’t deny ship Got a new lease on life ship, ship is priceless Nothing gonna stop her, gonna bother or block her Back to the top, to the center of the galaxy, hop on! This star ship is a hard ship, gonna star in The story of her glory, locked and ready to depart in 3 2 1 blast off and ascend To the ends of the galaxy and do it again! The Y-Ship is a fly ship can’t deny ship Got a new lease on life ship, ship is priceless 3 2 1 blast off and ascend To the ends of the galaxy and do it again! __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ SPECIAL DELIVERY                                      FUZZO

Why am I not scared to die? I’ve thought of this a thousand times And stayed my hands to stay and stand abuse I’ve reason new more than before To fight for life, to shut this door My friends, my sister, all the joy, in truth Once my father preached a toothy plan He promised greater life for man And in this scope I searched for hope - no use Disappointment was my guide I met her then, she’s stayed my life Laughing for she knows more than I do But why now is my soul at peace? Her voice is finally gone from me? I want to live now, peacefully, subdued The sea inside me free from waves That made me sick for all my days And crushed and shamed and raged my whole life through I changed the world, I made it bow A monstrous of feat my self doubt No heaven waits for me if heaven’s true My father’s gone, my mom, my throne The cancers that consumed my soul I’m free of them, my fate is mine to choose! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! I wanna live, I wanna feel my sister’s hug around me! I wanna know a life that’s free of hatred, free of doubting me! I wanna see! I want to make up for the time I’ve wasted sad and fearful How do I make up for the pain I’ve laid on those that care for me? I think now I see... Oward into the breech! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! Oh, I’m not alone, am I... you’re here with me too?                             BRUSHEE We’re all together in the end                              PANGLA We stand with you our bro, our friend                              FUZZO I feel you now, I know what I must do I know now why my soul’s at peace Before, my death was just for me To save me from some awful aching truth But now I die so I may live My friends, they will remember it Because they live, because I got them through The universe is more than me But I am part of it, the we I’ll die for that, for it’s the life I choose! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!