#how do i convince my dad to call them tO FIX IT. spectrum sucks. we have this issue every year and it takes a year at least to convince

[alchemiclee]

my dad swears we have the fastest internet my isp offers (I looked it up and its 1GB, while the slowest is 300mps) but when I test my speed, it's on average 3-5mps. P A I N.

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter 101119

9 November, 2019

Dear Dad--

Our home begins to look and feel much more like home. The landlords, Maine Real Estate Management, have made life difficult by creating two new trailer pads near the entrance to the park, and designating them “1A” and “1B,” when previously the trailers had only been numbered. The big computer in the sky just can’t handle that. Google maps thinks our home is a mile from where it actually is. I have no idea where the police or ambulance will go if we ever have to call 9-1-1. 

But, together with MREM, we’ve convinced the appropriate parties of our existence. The mailman knows where we are, Spectrum finally dispatched someone who gave us access to the internet again, and UPS, Fedex, and food delivery people all seem to be able to find us. We got our first utility bill yesterday, with a yellow Post-It note on it, kindly asking us to contact the electric company to let them know we’re 1A, and not lot 1. Welcome to my world, assholes! I couldn’t update my address online, and didn’t feel like calling them, but I was able to switch us to paperless billing online, so we won’t receive mail from them any longer. 

Minor problems abound.

My nice computer speakers now produce a loud hum whenever they’re switched on, regardless how you adjust the volume knob. Turning it up and drowning out the hum seems effective. 

Our fridge only cools stuff down to about 55 degrees. It’s supposed to be closer to 40. We don’t like drinking milk anymore, because it isn’t cold. 

We only have about six minutes of hot water in the shower, and then you’re DONE. You might not be done, but when the hot water goes, you’re DONE. 

There’s a minor leak over the back door when it rains heavily. Fortunately, the previous tenants installed plastic hooks on the top corners of the door to hold a towel in exactly the right place to catch the drips!

The back door light isn’t working. The bulb had shattered, somehow. When I tried to get at the bulb, the whole light fixture fell apart. So that’s kind of nasty.

We have a one-meter cement cube next to our kerosene tank and I don’t know what the cube is for. 

I suppose I need to advise the landlords, to see what can be fixed. I just don’t want to, because you have to call them and ask. You may sense a theme here. Calling people to ask them for shit is not my favorite pastime. We had to call Spectrum five times before they sent someone to install our internet service.

Here’s the thing, though: Now that we’re settled in, receiving mail, about to have new driver’s licenses, we need to get jobs. And having a job, and having to go to that job, and do that job, and stay at that job till the workday is done, over and over, is nowhere near as fun as NOT having a job. I know the only answer to this problem is, “Tough titty. Get a job anyway,” but I need no further reminders about the uncaring nature of reality. 

What kind of job to get? Marijuana is legal here, perhaps I could get a job on a pot farm, if there’s one near me. I could get some die-dyed bib overalls, and chew on a marijuana stalk as one would a wheat stalk, and say things like, “The ballast on the HPS needs replacing over the Bubblegum Northern Lights Gorilla Glue Strawberry Cough hybrids, ayup.”

I could work foodservice. I don’t care; I like cleaning things. Problems with that: severe flat feet and assorted ankle bullshit means I can’t stand up for more than an hour or two without significant and increasing pain. Also the pay sucks.

There’s a university nearby. This seems like a good possibility for employment. I can type quickly, and I’d be surrounded by young, horny college students. I’m sure they’re fun to be around!

Either way, I need to think long-term with the job. Need some security, some chance for growth, as little customer interaction as possible, and some bennies. Perhaps it’s not too late to attend medical school. That’s an inexpensive pastime!

Of course, one of the biggest reasons we did this, was that we wanted to live someplace where we didn’t have to work so hard just to keep the rent paid. And we did well on that score! We got twice the floor space, and our rent has dropped from $1,050 per month to $825. The rest of our bills should be comparable to Austin. Electricity: we’ll use less in the summer, more in the winter. Our car insurance and internet cost a bit less, but now we have to pay for kerosene and plowing.

So that will be the next goal, finding employment. That will make the transition from Texan to Mainer complete. Also we want a second cat. And we hope that this will, in no way, imply failure or shortcoming on behalf of Samuel L. Jackson, Cat. We just want two, to see if the cold will help encourage them to be friends, and sleep on top of each other. 

There’s not much else going on here. The movie version of Doctor Sleep has come out! I have seen it, and would like very much to tell you how it differs from the book, in terms of who gets killed and who doesn’t, but I shan’t! And the book is better, because it spends so much more time with the characters, and Danny’s alcoholic backstory, etc. Still, not a bad movie, with a few good scenes. Doesn’t quite compare with the original, but Stanley Kubrick was from a whole different world of movie making. Also Stephen King famously HATED the original “The Shining” movie. Maybe he feels better about this one. I’ll ask him the next time I go take pictures of his house, if he comes out. 

We got our first snow a couple of days ago! It didn’t amount to much more than a dusting, but it lasted most of a day, and was so lovely to look at. It was like every window of this home became a winter screensaver. Most of the views out of this trailer are of other trailers, or the nearby McDonald’s, but some of the views are of big tall evergreens that surround us. The trailer faces north, so we get sunlight through our starboard side in the mornings, port side in the afternoon, but we’re so far north that the sun now sets at about 4:15 pm. It’s really weird!

We have purchased snow boots, parkas, a snow shovel, and a car scraper thingy to clean my windshield. I’ve got my Maine driver’s license, some Maine car insurance, and I’m working on getting my car registered in Maine. I heard that, if you don’t know how to drive on icy, frozen roads, you just, “Pretend you’re taking your grandma to church. There’s a platter of biscuits and 2 gallons of sweet tea in glass jars in the back seat. She’s wearing a new dress and holding a crock pot full of gravy.” I guess this means driver slowly and cautiously. We are prepared! 

Much love to you both! More updates to follow!