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minniepetals · 3 years

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Rose & Thorns: 10

— summary: a lone rose, a little broken, until Jungkook came along and the two of you saved each other. and in doing so, Jungkook showed you a world where he shared with his six other mates.

— pairing: dragon!bts x reader

— genre: angst / slight fluff / poly!au / fantasy!au / dragon!au

— word count: 8.0k

— warnings: none

╰ part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / part 10

You stood in the hall of the castle on the left of Namjoon while Hoseok stood on his right, faces grim and serious as you could feel all eyes on you with the intriguing fact that a Keeper was in their clan, a Keeper the clans haven’t had since hundreds of years ago. None of them were alive to live through the years when the first Keeper had been chosen so to know that another Keeper was made was quite fascinating to them, you were sure.

But you could also tell that some dragons still doubted your loyalty, knowing fully well how many of them did not have good histories with your kind. But you weren’t going to let them faze you. Namjoon often reminded you to look confident no matter how much they may scare you. After all, looking small and vulnerable in front of the dragons would only give them more doubt and you knew you had to gain their trust and show them that you were capable of being a Keeper more than anything.

As the steps of the leader of the Southern Clan began to echo into the room and the whispering voices died down, Namjoon took his respective bow with you and Hoseok automatically following along, heads lowered in respect as you stared at the floor below you.

It was nerve wracking being in a room full of dragons you had never seen before but you knew you had to remain strong.

“Prince Namjoon.” Surprisingly the voice was light and friendly as the prince spoke your leader’s name. He rose upon the call of his name with you and Hoseok following and could see the kind smile prince Daesung was giving him. “Welcome to our Clan.”

“Thank you,” Namjoon gave him a short nod before his gaze fell to Hoseok.

“Prince Hoseok.”

“Your highness.”

“And,” he turned his head your way and the moment his eyes met yours, you could see the way his eyes widened a little, falling silent at the sight of you with a delicate hand coming up to cover his mouth. “Oh my,” he whispered in a small gasp, blinking one moment before breaking into a bright smile that practically lit up the entire room and the next thing you knew he had rushed in front of you with his hands grabbing ahold of yours, squeezing it tight. “You didn’t tell me she was so adorable!” The prince squealed with delight, surprising you with a sudden embrace that caught you off guard and your eyes were quick to dart to your dragons with a flustered expression plastered onto your face.

The way their eyes darkened slightly almost brought shivers down your spine.

“Human girls are the cutest thing ever! I can’t believe I’m finally meeting one in real life!! Tell me!” He backed away just enough to face you again as you could feel yourself blushing at how close he was. “Keeper of the Dragons, what is your name, dear one?”

“U-uh,” you stuttered, feeling slightly uncomfortable by the close proximity but knowing not to be rude in his presence, “Y..Y/N.”

You thought his eyes had lit up even more. “What a pretty name! You’re so—”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Hoseok quickly stepped in to grab you by the shoulder and pulled you back to his arms with a displeased look on his face. “Prince Daesung. Whether she is a human or not, you must remember that our Keeper is still a lady.”

“Oh my.” Totally ignoring Hoseok’s warnings, prince Daesung could only wiggle more with excitement as his eyes returned to you again. “I know jealousy when I see it and I must say, to woo the seven princes of the East Clan is quite a bold move of yours, precious Y/N.”

“Huh?” You began to panic as your hands came up to wave with denial. “No, I-I didn’t—”

“Not that I’m saying it’s a bad thing. I would do the same if I had the pretty looks you do. How’d they find such an adorable face such as yourself? Or did you find them first? I’m sure these possessive dragons stole you away to make you fall in love with them, didn’t they?”

“W-wait! They didn’t—”

“Prince Daesung, stop teasing the little one already.” Namjoon let out a tired sigh.

“I can’t help it!” The prince chortled with a sly grin. “She’s even more pretty when she blushes so easily like that.”

You could see his followers looking away or hanging their heads in shame at their prince’s words and you realized that you were totally baited by the South Clan’s leader, making you even more embarrassed than before.

As if reading your thoughts, Hoseok gave you a squeeze. “Don’t worry. Prince Daesung likes to spew nonsense so don’t take him too seriously.”

Offended, prince Daesung gave out a dramatic gasp. “Rude!”

“Forgive me for the impolite behavior of my dear brother.” You turned at the sound of the voice that was laced with poised to find a young lady a few feet taller than you. She had her head bowed with a hand rested against her heart, showing both grace and a dignified manner and you could tell almost immediately who she was after learning a few things about the South Clan. “Are you alright, milady?” Princess Soyeon asked with a slight concern as she addressed you.

“Yes, your highness,” you told her with a small smile, a bit taken back by how different the two siblings were.

She returned the smile with her own before turning to her brother with a displeased glare. “Not only is Y/N a lady but she is also the sole Keeper of the Dragons. You cannot disrespect the lady like that.”

Her scolding made prince Daesung look away with a pout. “You cannot expect me to ignore the cute.”

“Would you like to feel the wrath of our neighboring princes as well?”

Though the prince did not respond to that as he refused to meet his sister’s glare, you cocked your head slightly to the side with confusion upon her words. “Wrath?”

Princess Soyeon looked back at you with softer eyes and a faint smile as she eyed your two princes. “Us dragons are very possessive creatures. If anyone tries to touch our treasures, it may turn into conflicts. They may not look like it but I am sure prince Namjoon and prince Hoseok weren’t exactly fond of my brother touching you.”

You looked over your shoulder at the two of them who stood tall behind you and found Namjoon meeting your eyes with a slight raise to his brow almost as if confirming the assumption of the princess, making your cheeks warm up again.

“Again, please forgive my brother. I will make sure he does not do anything to offend you again.”

“Ah, it…” you shook your head with a smile, “it’s alright.”

“Now then,” with a sudden clap echoing into the large room, prince Daesung began to dismiss the members of his clan. “You’ve gotten a good look at our dear Keeper and see that she is a beautiful lady and anyone beautiful is worth trusting so—”

“Our relationship with the Eastern Clan is clear enough to show that we have no reason to mistrust them,” princess Soyeon stated in a loud, clear voice as she totally ignored the voice of her brother who responded with a glare of his own. But even though she had interrupted him, he let her go on to address the crowd. “We all know that the only way a human can become a Keeper is through the will of our own ancestors and we know never to question their decisions. If they have chosen Y/N as the new Keeper of the Dragons then that is the decision that we must accept. If anyone has any problem with that, know that you will be going against our own ancestors.”

Her voice, so poised and filled with charisma, was enough to let her warriors know that she wasn’t going to tolerate anyone that would go against having you as their Keeper and for that, you felt so thankful to the princess.

Once the room finally cleared away and all that was left were the five of you along with a few trusted warriors of the Southern Clan, you knew it was all business now.

“Your highnesses,” Namjoon began and it was enough to let the princess understand what he wanted to discuss.

She turned to follow her brother as she spoke and the rest of you followed along to their steps. “I am sure you must be wanting to discuss the agreement between the three clans upon accepting the Keeper.”

“That’s correct,” he gave a firm nod.

You walked beside Hoseok, silently listening in as your nerves began to reappear once again. You knew it wasn’t going to be easy even if the South Clan seemed friendly but you hoped things would work out well in the end.

“The other clans may not be as lenient but we do not plan on using Y/N for all of the wars that will be fought in the future,” she was quick to assure. “Whether she is a Keeper or not, we will not lay so low as to use someone outside of our clan as a tool in order to fight our wars.”

“Besides,” chiming in, you met the eyes of the prince as he looked over his shoulder for a brief moment and sent you a smirk, “who would want to send a beautiful lady into the battlegrounds?” He turned back again, sounding a little more exasperated this time. “However, we all know prince Hyungwoo and prince Seojoon aren’t going to be as kind as us.”

As the door to a room opened up, you all walked into their meeting hall and immediately took your seats in order to continue discussing.

“The princes of the North and West know not to reject a Keeper but you must be prepared for what challenges they will have you facing.”

You tilted your head slightly to the side at princess Soyeon. “Challenges?”

“To see how powerful you can be.”

“They won’t do anything unethical now will they?” Hoseok frowned.

“If they realize the little one has joined your little circle of lovers then perhaps they will take not offending you more into account,” prince Daesung opined with a light shrug. “But the two of them are quite unpredictable, especially prince Hyungwoo of the North, so it’s best to keep your guard up. Prince Seojoon is rational but it’s hard to please that man.” He propped his elbow upon the grand table, resting his chin onto his hand as he looked at you with sympathetic eyes. “Be careful, dear Y/N, dragons can be quite prideful and if someone comes in to threaten their position in this little game of ours, it can get a little nasty.”

You could feel a shiver running down your spine but it fell away too soon as you felt Hoseok’s hand suddenly holding yours. When you turned your head towards him, he graced you with a kind smile. “There’s no need to be afraid, we’ll be right there with you,” he whispered softly, allowing your heart to relax again.

“Major wars do not occur very often,” princess Soyeon added truthfully, “and if they do, we often deal with it on our own with our own dragons. But if there is ever an emergency that forces us to seek help, I hope that you will allow us to call for you.”

“Of course,” you gave her a firm nod with a determined gaze. “I will be prepared for the day I am asked to help fight the wars.”

She returned the nod just as firmly before letting herself relax just for a moment to spare you a small smile. “Thank you, Keeper, and thank you princes of the East for finding her.”

It was their unquestioned trust in you that made you believe in yourself more.

“What are you thinking about?”

The prince had allowed your stay in the South as the sun was already beginning to set by the time the meeting was over and as you sat on the grand bed prepared for you and your princes, Namjoon took a seat beside you after changing into proper sleepwear, wondering why you looked so distant all on your own.

You didn’t want to bother them with your concerns so you shook your head lightly with a faint smile thrown his way to try and ease the tension that hadn’t faded from the moment the three of you left the Eastern mountains.

“Right now it feels just right to take up prince Daesung’s offer to stay here a while longer and postpone our travel plans for the West and North, doesn’t it? I know you’re anxious,” Hoseok said with a wry smile as he went on to sit beside you on your other side.

“But,” Namjoon took ahold of your hand and placed it on top of his palm where it rested upon his lap, and began to rub small circles on the back of your hand as a way of comfort, “I know you miss the others and cannot wait to go home.”

How was it that they knew you so well? You could still recall those moments when they couldn’t trust a word you said and had treated you poorly but looking at them at this moment, you could find nothing but love in their eyes and that alone warmed your cold, anxious heart.

“It hasn’t even been a day,” you lamented as your eyes cast down to the gentle hands that were still caressing yours. “I miss them so much.”

“You’re right,” Hoseok said in a soft manner as he thought back to that morning the three of you took your leave and placed an arm over your shoulders with a small squeeze. “It isn’t often we go our separate ways outside of our lands.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Namjoon said, nodding. “There are some of us who haven't even seen the world outside our own lands despite being princes.”

Your eyes widened a bit at the revelation. “No way. Who?”

“Jimin and Taehyung.”

“Why is that?”

“Jimin looks after our prisoners, as you know, so it really doesn’t matter much to him because he’s sadly almost always in the dungeons. As for Taehyung, the younger one has to look after the little ones so he doesn’t get out much either,” explained Hoseok. It made sense, you should have known of those facts before they even told you but it still made it sad to be able to hear of the two of them being stuck in the clan everyday.

“So what are the occasions when traveling outside our lands?” You asked them.

Namjoon gave you a small grin. “Well for one, meetings like these. But I have meetings with the clan leaders every full moon. Usually Yoongi will accompany me on those nights. That’s why some days we go missing and are nowhere to be found inside the clan. Seokjin travels if he needs to find special herbs or wishes to learn more about plants and remedies that don't exist on our lands.”

“Those are what he calls his errands,” Hoseok said almost in a whisper as he sent you a wink, causing your mouth to form into a little circle at the epiphany.

“That’s why he takes so long and sometimes comes back so late? I would have loved to accompany him on those journeys.”

They both shared a chuckle.

“You’ve had some bad encounters when leaving the clan, I’m sure hyung only left you out for your sake,” Hoseok explained gently as he stroked your hair before proceeding on. “Jungkook and I sometimes have to do secret patrols that take place outside our lands. Only a very few of us know of that though. They’re sort of like secret investigations to get information on whether a smaller clan will be wanting to rise against us or not in order to prepare for or avoid any future wars.”

“But as you can see, we’ve managed to avoid war for a long time now.”

“Though it doesn’t guarantee the fact that we won’t be going to war again at all.”

As you stared down at your lap, the distressed look on your face made the mood drop as your two princes shared a look of understanding, knowing exactly what you are worried about.

Namjoon lightly squeezed the hand that he held onto as he began to speak again. “I know I cannot promise you that there will be no wars in the future and that even if there is a war that does not concern our clan, you may be called in to be involved as Keeper, but I can promise you that you will never be alone.”

You looked up at him with sad eyes just thinking about the wars that you all would have to face in order to protect your own people.

But Namjoon did not back away from your fear and held onto a gentle smile. “Perhaps it may not be enough to just tell you that you will not be alone but I speak for all of the dragons in our clan when I say this, Y/N. Whether it is a war fought for our own lands or a war you will be called into as Keeper for the other clans, our dragons will be right behind you guarding you at all sides. As a follower, as a friend, as a lover, and as dragons of the Eastern Clan. We are here for you.”

Upon those words that were given unto you, you knew that you could trust them with your life just as you trusted the two of them. It had been a long journey from the moment you and Jungkook escaped your old village and flew into their clan. Many things happened but as time changed, so did their hearts. You were a trusted keeper now, a human your clan believed in without a doubt so it was your turn to put your faith in them.

The journey beyond was still long but you knew you’d be alright as long as they were by your side.

“I love you,” you confessed and their eyes softened.

You were held in between the two of them, huddled so close, making you feel safe and sound and that alone allowed you to believe that everything would be alright.

“Greetings to the prince of the Western Clan.”

The air felt thicker, more tense than it was during that moment where you stood tall in front of the Southern Clan. The Western Clan was not as friendly looking as the Southern Clan but you knew that they valued law and order so although a part of you was filled with anxiety standing before the prince, you also understood that prince Seojoon wasn’t going to be someone who would judge someone that easily just because of their descendants.

“Greetings to the princes of the Eastern Clan,” he returned the formal bow, face as expressionless and as stoic as you’d been warned about. When he turned to look your way, you couldn’t tell what was on his mind. All you knew was that what he saw before him was a simple human girl claiming to be the Keeper of the Dragons.

What did he think of you? Perhaps in his eyes you looked like a frail, weak, human girl who should have never associated herself with the dragons.

It was hard being tested back in the Eastern Clan itself when you first arrived. Many of the dragons hated you at the time but you never let it get to you and tried your best to do what your heart had told you to do. Whether the dragons would accept you or not, you just had to continue doing the job you were meant to do with a golden heart.

If you show weakness, if you let their words and judgement hurt you, you would only look like someone who was not worthy of the Keeper title and that was something you knew you absolutely could not do. You couldn’t taint the reputation of the Eastern Clan, you couldn’t let the other clans shame them. If Namjoon gave you that title because he believed in you and the dragon ancestors accepted you then you had to live up to all of their expectations no matter how unclear the journey before you may lie.

When you greeted the eyes of prince Seojoon whose face revealed no sign of anything, a part of you was still afraid. But you kept your head held up high and perhaps because of that strong facade, his expression did not harden when he met your eyes.

“Keeper.” His voice was rather normal. No tone of disgust, no amount of hatred bleeding through the tip of his tongue. He greeted you as if you were an equal with a short bow and a small nod of acknowledgement.

Perhaps it wouldn’t be seen as something special but you knew and many of the dragons knew that that itself meant that prince Seojoon wasn’t going to reject you as the Keeper.

“Seojoon.” At the call of his name falling out of Namjoon’s lips, the Western prince returned his focus back on the leader of the Eastern Clan.

For a moment all was quiet and tense as the two of them stared at one another as if sending telepathic messages to each other with looks alone. You stood there beside Hoseok, waiting for one of them to break the long silence but it seemed as if none of the two were willing to do so.

You didn’t know much about the history between the two princes nor understood much of what their relationship was but what you did know was that between the two leaders of the Eastern and Western Clan, though they may have once fought from time to time long before Jungkook was captured by your former village, the two of them had this silent mutual respect for one another.

And perhaps that was one of the reasons why prince Seojoon was willing to be the one to break first.

“I was surprised when I received your letter, Namjoon,” he began without so much of a blink in his eyes. “Out of all the crown princes who have taken their positions on the thrones, I never thought you out of the four of us would choose to trust a human and grant them the title of a Keeper. In fact, I always believed you to be the last one to ever be willing.”

Standing tall and proud with no sign of remorse, Namjoon spoke with the same resolve. “It is true that my actions were indeed unexpected but my decisions were not made solely on feelings alone.”

“You are not one to easily trust a human,” the Western prince acknowledged, “so I will trust in the decision you have made. The ancestors have, as it seems, deemed her worthy of the position. However, that does not mean I will blindly put my faith in someone I do not know. Until the Keeper can prove her worth, I will be on the neutral side on neither accepting nor refusing the new Eastern Clan member.”

Prove your worth.

He wanted you to prove your worth as a Keeper in order to accept you as someone needed in the dragan clans. You weren’t sure how to do that, you weren’t even sure how you were going to be someone of good help to the four major clans. Namjoon believed in you and so did the other six, but at the moment their support did not mean much until you could find the strength within yourself to accept the role.

Prince Seojoon was right, you had to prove your worth. But not just for the clans but for your own self as well.

The past years have always treated you horribly, a human woman who had no place anywhere with no purpose in life. Now that you were given such a high honor and set at the center of the dragons, the new profound responsibilities could only make you feel as if you were just another outcast again.

No.

Your princes believed in you and they’d go through any lengths to make sure you were safe and protected. They gave you a place in their clan, cared for you, and made sure everything was alright. It was time to stop hiding in their shadows and prove that you were indeed worthy of such an honorable title and be the one to protect instead.

You were a Keeper now. There was no time to dwindle and convince yourself otherwise.

Seeing the resolve in your eyes rather than shrinking in fear and hiding behind the princes of the Eastern Clan, prince Seojoon was a bit taken back by your strong gaze.

But...it wasn’t a look that he did not exactly hate.

Not bad, he thought, and hid the small look of approval behind his cold exterior.

“Your highness.”

Prince Seojoon stopped walking and turned slowly to find the Keeper who had not spoken even once during his audience with the Eastern Clan’s arrival. You bowed before him in a formal and elegant way, a voice too gentle and soft for a supposed warrior who would eventually have to be used in upcoming battles with the dragons, but he allowed himself not to judge someone based on the exteriors alone.

“What is it, Keeper?”

At least he was calling you by your title, you thought, and let out a hidden sigh before facing the prince with a dignified stance.

“I understand that the relationship between humans and dragons is not a strong one, but I also do not conceive of you as one who would wrongfully judge others based on the fact that I am human alone.”

“You do not, huh?” He replied with the same seriousness as you have written on your face.

“Forgive me if I am overstepping my boundaries but prince Namjoon himself has told me that you are one who sees the person before him as what they are as you see before your eyes. Neither past, race, gender, nor what they were born as will sway your mind into thinking otherwise.”

“And what are you to do with that information?”

You held your head high and met his eyes without falter, keeping in mind the words Namjoon had warned you about with how prince Seojoon did not like it when one spoke about proving oneself while cowering before his eyes. “If me proving my worth to the dragons is all that you want from me, then I will do all that I can to become a warrior that is worthy to everyone. I hope that someday you can faithfully put your trust in me as Keeper of the Dragons.”

Prince Seojoon took a moment to reply, the silence between the two of you lingering while you refused to back down upon his hard gaze otherwise he would never take your words seriously.

After a short while, he finally gave you a firm nod. “I trust that you will keep your words.”

“Yes, your highness.”

With that, the prince watched you walk away while he stood there, beginning to understand just a little bit of why the princes of the East have decided to keep you by their sides.

A brave soul, kind and gentle, but unaware of the power you held as a Keeper. One day you’d find your strength and courage walking into future wars that would call for you.

Like a rose who had yet to make use of her thorns.

“What are you worried about, hm? I’m pretty sure you just passed his test.”

“Test?” Your head was quick to perk up upon Namjoon’s words though those eyes of yours were still filled with an unspoken anxiety that kept weighing down your shoulders. “What are you talking about, Namjoon?”

“Seojoon isn’t as cruel as he portrays, he’s just a bit strict and serious when it comes to the future of the dragons.”

“You would know, you’re just like him,” Hoseok commented as a side remark, causing the leader to roll his eyes while you let out a small chuckle.

Hearing that, Namjoon’s brows furrowed as he sent you a pout. “You agree?”

There he was, a prince who was always seen as a strict leader to all, showing you a cute pout. “Well you were quite hard on me when I first walked into the clan,” you reminded the prince, causing him to let out a dry laugh.

“Right,” he cringed, not entirely liking the images of those memories walking into his head. Those days weren’t the greatest and they regretted it more than you could ever imagine but telling you those thoughts would only bring more weight on your shoulders and that was something they absolutely couldn’t do. So rather than dwelling on the negative thoughts, he approached the subject with a light tone. “If someone like me can be swayed into trusting a human once again, then Seojoon would have no problem following my footsteps.”

“Mhm,” agreed Hoseok, “Prince Seojoon is rational when it comes to judging people.”

“All you have to do is be yourself. He likes authenticity more than anything so you have no problem there.”

“I’m just,” you let out a soft sigh as you went on to hug yourself, head falling to the floor, eyes dropping with worry, “how do I prove my worth when I can’t even master my abilities as a Keeper yet?”

You felt arms wrapping themselves around you in a gentle manner, holding you close to his chest, and a soft kiss pressed to the crown of your head. “Wielding ones’ power takes time and patience but I know this, and Hoseok and the other five back at home know this.” He looked down into your eyes with a strong gaze of confidence and encouragement, meeting those anxious ones headstrong. “You can do it, Y/N. If you can turn your back on the village that was supposed to be your past, present, and future but failed you, if you can turn a blind eye on myths and legends about hideous monsters like us, if you can lend your strength towards the one that was meant to be your prisoner, rescue him, and still stay in a clan full of dragons that openly showed their distaste in you. If you can be framed for someone else’s wrongdoing, get locked up in the dungeons for months, then survive a fall off a high cliff with someone who didn’t even appreciate you and injuries all over your body...My love, you can do absolutely anything.”

“I mean look at yourself, pretty girl.” Taking your hand to pull you away from Namjoon, Hoseok held your hand in the air to twirl you around right there in the middle of the guest room. “Beautiful hands,” he pressed a kiss to back of your hand, “beautiful hair,” taking a few strands of your hair, he pressed a kiss to them, “beautiful forehead,” kisses to your forehead, “beautiful brows,” to your brows, “beautiful eyes,” two upon each eye, “beautiful nose,” to the tip of your nose, “beautiful lips,” he grinned at the sight of your cheeks blushing red and delivered a chaste kiss to them. “And a beautiful heart.”

He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in close and pressed a kiss to the right of your chest before simply resting his chin atop your shoulder.

“On top of that you’re so strong,” Namjoon stated and held you from behind, his chin resting on your opposite shoulder with you wrapped in between their arms. “If there is anyone I can trust with the title of a Keeper, it’s you. Because that is your worth. You’re beautiful and kind and so, so strong.”

“We believe in you more than anything, little one. If you can do all those things and still keep your head up and face everything with a strong mind, you are worth more than anyone as the Keeper of the Dragons.”

“You’re going to be alright. You’re going to fail from time to time but you’ll keep at it without giving up hope because that’s what you’re best at doing. When everyone else has given up hope, you’re right there to smile through the rocky road and continue on without complaint.”

“And through it all, you won’t be alone.” With a kiss on your right cheek and a kiss to your left cheek, they whispered a promise that they’d never break. “We’ll be right here next to you.”

“So rely on us too, okay?” Namjoon said as he pressed another kiss to your temple. “We’re right here for you.”

“Welcome, princes of the Eastern Clan, and,” you could feel the Northern Prince’s eyes on you though you didn’t dare to look up unless he had given you permission to do so. With a light tone that hid a certain secret you couldn’t quite put a finger on, the prince greeted you. “Keeper of the Dragons, it is an honor to finally meet you.”

“The honor is mine, your highness,” you returned the formal words with a head still lowered before him.

“Now, now, we don’t have to act too formal with one another,” prince Hyungwoo spoke in an easygoing tone as he gave a small clap. “We are comrades who are inevitably meant to fight alongside each other, aren’t we?” He held a hand before you and when you looked up to meet the gaze of the Northern Prince, you could see the lopsided grin he had greeted you with, a feeling not going too well with you but how could you show rudeness to a prince of the four?

From your peripheral vision, you could see Namjoon and Hoseok who watched with the same caution and wariness but even they couldn’t do much being as you were in the territory of the Northern Clan. A cold, hard place in the snowy mountains.

Possessive or not, it was common courtesy.

So you let your hand fall into the prince’s palm. “Yes, your highness,” you said and with a satisfied twinkle in his eyes, he gave you a kiss atop the back of your hand.

“Your beauty is one that can defeat the enemies itself, Keeper. Tell me, what is your name?”

“My name is Y/N, your highness.”

“Y/N,” he repeated the name slowly along his tongue, waiting for a moment before letting your hand go and looking up to you with a small smirk curled along the corner of his lips, “can you wield a blade?”

Your brows furrowed. “What?”

“The dragons of the Eastern Clan are one of the best warriors who control both the skies and the land, notorious for being an undefeated clan who refuses to lose to even the smallest wars. Now that they’ve gained a Keeper in their possession, they only grow stronger.” The prince gave one small look towards Namjoon and Hoseok before resting his gaze on you again. “But the Keeper does not only belong to the Eastern Clan, now does she? So tell me, dear Y/N, in a world where dragons are fighting for power just as any human kingdom would, what skills do you have to offer us protection and victory in a battlefield that may cost the lives of many?”

You knew what he was trying to say, that the position you were given and the wars that were to come was not a child’s play. It was all serious business where each one of you would walk into the battlegrounds not knowing who would live and who would survive. Being a Keeper did not guarantee safety nor victory of the wars. It meant protecting the dragons and bringing them back home alive.

“Prince Hyungwoo, the Keeper was only made recently,” Hoseok tried to save you but the Northern prince wasn’t having it.

“All the more reasons to get her ready for such dangerous events. You can’t tell me you aren’t worried just because you have a Keeper by your side now, can you?” He asked, raising a brow at the two Eastern princes. “No. It is because she is the Keeper that makes you worried more than anything. Am I wrong?” Upon the silent response that he received, the prince went on. “I won’t go against the words of our ancestors, they have accepted our dear Y/N after all, but she wouldn’t be useful if we don’t put her to good use.”

A tool.

You could tell that was all the prince of the Northern Clan thought of you as. And not just him but many other dragons who did not know of you as Y/N but as the Keeper of the dragons. You were going to be made a pawn in their wars.

“Since it seems as if the Keeper does not have any particular skills just yet, why don’t we test a theory out?” He snapped his finger, looking right back at you and bringing shivers down your spine as you knew something good wasn’t going to come out of his mouth. “They say the Keeper is at their strongest when placed in a very emotional state of mind.”

“What are you trying to say?” The anger rising in Namjoon flashed in his eyes as he watched prince Hyungwoo but the prince chose to simply ignore his concerns, eyes holding yours with a sly grin.

“What causes your ire, dear Y/N?” He asked you so casually as if speaking about the weather. “What makes you so livid and upset that you can’t seem to control your own emotions? Think of something very unpleasant.” He inched forward your way, dangerous eyes staring straight into your soul. “Is it when a man you barely know of touches you and makes you uncomfortable?” He grabbed ahold of your wrist, a touch different from when he held your hand for a greeting.

You winced slightly, biting back your tongue in order to hide how uncomfortable you were as the images of Jinyoung flashed before you.

“Prince Hyungwoo,” Hoseok growled a low warning as both of your princes stepped up behind you.

But he didn’t let go. “Hmm, you don’t look like someone who would get angry for the sake of yourself. You look like you would explode if something were to happen to the ones you cared most about.”

You couldn’t hear a single thing he was saying with the tight grip on your wrist. The only thing you could see was Jinyoung, the man who only looked at you when you were finally made useful because you managed to tame a dragon. The love he claimed he had for you wasn’t love. He just wanted to use you, having no other reason behind his infatuation for you.

Just like your former village.

You were just a tool for them as you would become one for the dragons.

“Let her go,” Namjoon demanded in a low snarl as he placed a tight grip on Prince Hyunwoo’s shoulder. Only then did the prince realize the state you were in and released his hold on you.

You couldn’t meet his gaze any longer but you held your head up, lips pressed into a thin line as the expression on your face refused to give into the fear your mind wanted you to walk into.

Hoseok wrapped a hand around your shoulder and took a step back so that he could create more distance between you and the prince.

Even then you didn’t feel good.

In a Clan where strangers stared at you as if you didn’t belong, in a Clan that only hoped to use you as a tool, you were reminded once again of your place in the world.

Jinyoung, your former village, and the dragons.

The whole world was really against you, weren’t they? Because when you think you’ve finally found happiness, it tries to take that away from you.

Hoseok stood there beside the open door that led into the guest room where the three of you would reside while Namjoon held a meeting with prince Hyungwoo, and watched with a silent gaze as you sat on a chair, eyes staring at your hands with thoughts running all over your mind.

Despite how brave you were in front of prince Hyungwoo, behind that font he knew how anxious and afraid you were. He could see it from where he stood now, watching you sit there all alone, finally letting your guard down but with a mind filled with anxious thoughts.

You were a brave soul, the sweetest kind he had ever met, and seeing such an expression on your face made him want to make it all alright again.

So he stepped into the room, closing the door slowly behind him to not make any abrupt noises which would startle you and walked towards your way.

Sliding a hand upon your shoulder, he felt you jumping slightly at the sudden touch.

“Sorry, I scared you, didn’t I?” Hoseok first apologized with a rueful smile. The last thing he wanted was to make you even more anxious.

But the way your expression softened at just the sight of him and how you breathed out the slightest relief of “Hoseok” made him at ease again. He made his way around to kneel before you and took your hands to caress them both with a gentle smile to help ease your own worries that kept circling your thoughts. Your eyes followed him silently, comforted at just his presence alone.

“Roses are really beautiful, you know that?”

The hairs of your brows creased in between as you met his gaze. “Hoseok?”

Yet he continued. “They bloom in the most magnificent ways, fluttering their petals open, blushing in the most prettiest shades of red. However, although they are known to be one of the most beautiful flowers, a rose doesn’t just offer itself as a pretty flower. It has its thorns to protect it from harm. Some thorns may be harmless, while some are really sharp and more dangerous than others. It’s like a pretty little thing such as yourself building bushes out of bushes made of thorns to keep yourself from harming others and others harming you. The rose likes to stand there, far from others, and smiling prettily as if everything is alright, while inside it’s slowly wilting away and just wants a hand that would willingly give it sunlight and water without fearing her thorns.”

Now I’m not saying that the thorns are always a bad thing. They can be good when facing harmful creatures that wish to simply pluck it and steal it for themselves, eventually hurting the little rose because they wouldn’t know how to care for it. But there are times when the wall of thorns can fall out of control. There are times when those thorns can harm the little rose. But do you know what’s so fascinating about these thorns? They only exist because the rose allows them to. Some thorns can get out of control, but once it’s tamed and nurtured and the rose can face it each day until it no longer fears those thorns, they can become one of the most powerful allies the rose can use.”

What I’m saying is,” Hoseok held your hands tighter against his own, giving it a gentle squeeze while never taking his eyes off you, “these little thoughts of yours can become your greatest ally or your worst enemy. It is all up to how you wish to face them. The world can be really scary, and I know that because I was one of those scary things that you had to face to get to where you are now. But just as your world can shift with just one sincere heart, you can do that all over again. Sincerity was what got us to see your blooming petals and soon all dragons that exist will see that too. Though,” he narrowed his eyes, “you have to be careful otherwise they’ll try to steal you away.”

“As if that would ever happen,” you told him with a shake of your head and a bitter smile.

“What do you mean?” He asked as he gave you a light squeeze. “You’re beautiful, Y/N, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“I know what you mean, Hoseok, but I…” You looked away, eyes shaking as you could feel the tears coming. “I don’t want to be seen as just...that. I don’t want to be seen as just Y/N, Keeper of the Dragons, as a human, as a human girl who managed to become an important figure to the dragons and is now...and is now someone who can be used to win battles.” You took your hand from Hoseok to hold your face, hiding the tears that fell from your eyes the more your voice shook. “I know it’s selfish of me but I don’t want to be used as a tool. I don’t want to be seen as someone who’s far greater or far lesser than everyone else. I want to be seen as an equal, as an ally. I don’t want to be a weapon. I’m so scared, Hoseok.”

The sight of your tears, the soft cries and soft whimpers that left your lips made Hoseok’s heart ache when you finally decided to break down and tell him the things that had been going on inside your head.

Back then when you were in front of prince Hyungwoo, the way he held your wrist probably reminded you of how cruel and forceful Jinyoung had been towards you. Though he himself hadn’t ever witnessed the cruelty from both Jinyoung and the village you grew up in, he was sure the memories only served you as a horrible reminder of what you were to those people.

Hoseok wrapped his arms around you and in just a split second, your cries grew louder as you leaned against him, eventually getting too weak to hold yourself up on your own so you fell into his arms and the two of you sat there on the carpet floor.

“It isn’t selfish to want something for yourself, Y/N,” he said in such a soft tone as he held you close and tight. “Just because you are the Keeper does not mean you have to belong to everyone. You belong to your own self. Not me, not the Eastern Clan, not the dragons. You belong to you and no one should feel as if they can use you for their own benefits.”

“But…”

“You have a duty to hold as a Keeper, yes,” Hoseok nods, cutting you off gently, “but just because the Keeper’s job is to protect everyone, it does not mean that you are to be used as a tool. My love, I know the world hasn’t been fair to you but you have us now. You're not alone. Whatever you wish to do, we’re with you. Me, Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook. If it seems as if the world is not on your side, know that we are. I believe in you, Y/N. It’s okay to be afraid and it’s okay to lean on others when things aren’t going the way you hope for it to go. No matter what, you are you, and no one can take that away from you.”

“Hoseok..” You called his name.

“What is it?” Hoseok gently asked.

“I want to go home.”

The raw broken tone in your voice made his heart ache and although there were still a few days to go and the sun had yet to set, how could Hoseok ever say no when you’ve finally voiced out a selfish wish for the first time?

“Okay.” So he said, giving you a nod and a soft kiss to the crown of your head. “We’ll go home.”

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itsdanii · 4 years

Note

Kyahhh your rejecting you and regretting series is just so freaking good . Uhmmm idk if you are taking requests right now but can I please request for Ushijima and Kita?Thank you so much!

Rejecting you and regretting it pt. 4

one | two | three | four

Hey, bub. I'm so glad to hear that you've been enjoying my works. Here's your request for the part 4 and final (as of now) part of the rejecting and regretting you series. Have a good day and stay hydrated! ♥️

genre: angst to fluff

warnings: semi-rude behavior (resolved), no cursing in this one because these men drink their respect women juice daily

ft. ushijima wakatoshi, kita shinsuke

title says it all

Kita Shinsuke

Kita is your childhood friend

The moment the two of you were introduced to each other by your grandmothers, you instantly clicked

Same as through with him, you loved spending your time being productive and following a certain routine so it's no question that as you both grew up, you started gaining romantic feelings towards him

You've been thinking of confessing but never really had the chance because he was always busy with volleyball practice

So when you finally managed to get some alone time, you didn't hesitate to voice out your feelings, not knowing that the answer you're hoping for isn't the answer you're going to get

"You're staring again."

You snapped out of your thoughts when Kita stopped infront of you, his eyebrows furrowing as he studied your face.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, uh, yes! I'm sorry. I was just thinking," you answered sheepishly while scratching the back of your head.

You mentally cursed yourself for spacing out on him. This is the only chance you're getting and you can't afford to waste it.

"About what?" Shinsuke asked as you both continued your walk on the way home since you only live apart each other. Plus, his grandma had always told him to never let you walk home alone especially at night.

"Huh?"

"You said you were thinking. About what?" Shinsuke gently tugged at the sleeve of your jacket, changing your positions so that he was closer to the road than you are.

You felt yourself blushing at the small gesture and looked at his hand that was still holding your jacket.

You swallowed the lump forming inside your throat and stopped walking, the act stopping Kita as well due to him holding you.

Kita looked at you worriedly and placed both hands on your shoulders, his head dipping slightly to get a closer look at your face. "Are you oka-"

"You," you answered without focusing your gaze to him. "I've been thinking about you."

When you felt him taking his hands off your shoulders, you immediately looked up. "Sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?"

The look he had is something you can't decipher but if you were to analyze it based on what you can see, it's a look you never wanted to see again.

Silence reigned the two of you, eyes staring at each other as if you're both trying to figure out what the other was thinking.

"No," Kita said, breaking the silence. "But it's best if we don't discuss the issue any further."

At that, he faced forward and continued walking as if nothing happened but as you stared at his back, you realized that somehow, he knew what you were trying to imply.

And the sad part is that he chose to ignore it and act unbothered as if he didn't just indirectly broke your heart.

Once you reached your destination, you faced him with an anxious smile and Kita didn't fail to notice this, as well as your habit of shifting from foot to foot whenever you wanted to say something.

"I like you, Shin," you blurted out nervously, your heart beating erratically and your palms becoming sweaty. "I don't know when it started but suddenly, I just woke up and realized that what I'm feeling towards you is no longer within the range of friendship. It's something more and I just wanted to let you know."

"I am well aware of that but I'm sorry, y/n. I can't return your feelings."

You bit your lower lip to hold in your tears and as much as you wanted to shout at him to accept your confession, you can't just force someone to love you back because it doesn’t work that way.

"Geez, can't you even say it gently?" you said with a forced chuckle. "Don't worry, I won't hold any grudges."

You let out a sigh before looking up at him and Kita was surprised to see that there are no traces of anger. He expected you to lash out but it seemed like he was wrong.

"I'll see you tomorrow then. Don't overwork yourself, okay?" With that, you stood on your tiptoes and pressed a kiss on his cheek before turning around to cross the road.

Kita could only stare at you as he watched you enter your household, your figure vanishing from his sight as the door finally closed.

Kita is a practical man.

He knows how to separate what is right from what is wrong.

Because of this, people often see him as someone who's perfect, sometimes even being compared to a robot due to his nature. But Kita is far from perfect, and he knew that.

Because as he laid in his bed that night, he realized that he just made a big, wrong decision, and he had nobody but himself to blame.

Kita didn't know if he should be happy or not. Actually, he should be happy. After all, he just rejected you and still, here you are, walking beside him as you made your way to school.

He kept glancing at you, observing wether you were pretending or not but he knew that it isn't in your nature to be a pretentious person. You've always worn your emotions on your sleeve which made it too easy for people to read you.

"Ah, Shin. You don't have to walk me home later," you said with a sheepish smile. "My friend is actually going to walk me home so.."

"Alright. Be sure to send me a message when you're on the way home." Despite how 'normal' it sounded, Kita was actually feeling something unpleasant inside him. It was a feeling he was well aware of but had never experienced himself.

The day progressed fast. One moment, he was entering his first class and the next, he's already checking wether all the sports equipment were put back in their proper places.

As he walked out of the gym, Kita instinctively brought out his phone to check for any messages, yours to be specific.

"Ya alright, Kita-san?" came Atsumu.

Kita simply nodded and glanced at his phone again before keeping it, disappointment filling him as he realized that you're not planning to message him at all.

Without you to walk home with, Kita decided to join his team mates, yet despite the noise his team naturally carried, Kita's mind was still preoccupied.

He thought of how you must be doing or if you arrived home safely. He thought of how different the things would've turned out if he hadn't rejected you.

He thought of you.

"Isn't that y/n-san?"

Kita's attention immediately went back to Earth, his eyes following the direction Atsumu was pointing at and just like he said, you were indeed at the other side of the road, walking alone while hugging yourself as you shivered ever so slightly.

Without any words, Kita headed towards your direction and his team mates knew better than to interfere. After all, they knew their captain well. It wasn't that hard to notice how off he was today.

"I thought I told you to message me."

You gasped as Kita suddenly appeared beside you, draping his jacket over your shoulder which immediately surrounded you with his familiar scent.

"Sorry, I forgot," you said while tugging at the end of his jacket sleeves.

"Mhm, and you also said that your friend is going to walk you home yet I don't see anyone beside you." Kita said with a serious tone.

"About that..." You scratched the back of your head as you tried to think of any excuses but you knew that lying would be pointless.

"What if someone kidnapped you? Or worse, took advantage of you? You know I don't like you walking alone especially when the sun had already set yet you still did it. Why did you lie?"

You felt like a child being scolded by your mother but instead of taking it the wrong way, you knew that Kita was only looking out for you. It was just ironic that he broke your heart yet still showed his deep concern for your being.

"It's because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable," you finally admitted. "I just confessed to you yesterday and I thought thay maybe I might make you uncomfortable if I kept sticking beside you. I didn't want to be an inconvenience."

"What are you talking about?" Kita stopped walking and turned towards you. "You were never an inconvenience and will never be one."

"Sorry, Shin."

"No. I should be the one to apologize. I made a very rash decision yesterday and ended up rejecting you. I thought that having romantic feelings towards someone would just be a waste of time but I came to realize that it isn't a waste of time if its with you," Kita said with a gentle look on his face.

You didn't speak for a few seconds and just let his words sink in, a feeling of hope igniting inside you when you realized what he was trying to say. "Do you mean that?" you asked hopefully.

"Have I ever lied to you?" Seeing you shake your head no, Kita leaned in to press his forehead against yours. "I like you, y/n."

You felt your heart beat picking up with those simple words and without waiting for anything else, you pressed your lips against his.

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Being the cousin of Tendou Satori had its perks

And one of those perks is the opportunity to see Ushijima everyday

You are only a year younger than them yet despite that, you get along with the team very well

After all, it had been a part of your daily routine to always visit the school's gym

What you didn't expect, however, was to fall for a certain captain

And you, being one of the most open and honest person, confessed the moment you realized your feelings towards him

And despite being turned down several times already, you still persisted, claiming that you'll do everything to make him fall for you

But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it just isn't enough

"Where's 'Toshi?" you asked Satori when you entered the gym, flashing a small smile to the others before sitting down on an empty bench.

"Talking to the coach." Satori looked at the plastic you were holding and grinned as he noticed what was inside. "Really, y/n-chan? You know that won't work on Ushiwaka, right?"

You just shrugged and placed the item beside you. "It's worth a try, 'Tori. Who knows? Maybe I'll finally be able to get a reaction out of him."

"Y/n."

You looked behind you upon hearing Wakatoshi. "Hi, Toshi. Did you miss me?" you said and flashed him a bubbly smile.

"You always come here everyday. I do not see any reason for me to miss you," he simply answered before taking a seat beside you, eyes glancing at the carrot stuffed toy before focusing on the court.

Satori, who witnessed the whole exchange, just laughed at you, his eyes squinting as he clutched his stomach in tears. "Well, there's your reaction," he said while still catching his breath.

"You don't have to be so mean, Toshi." You pouted and handed him the stuffed toy you brought.

"What's this for?" he asked in slight confusion while examining the carrot you gave him.

"That's a gift. Haven't you noticed? Its been 8 months since I started courting you." You grinned at him.

"Oh? Y/n's courting captain?" came Tsutomu who was wiping his sweat with a clean towel, eyes glancing at the carrot before he exclaimed, "I want one too!"

"Have it." Your eyes widened when Ushijima handed the carrot stuffed toy to Tsutomu. "I don't need it, and please stop giving me stuff from now on. They are irrelevant."

"I worked hard for that! You don't know how much token I spent just to get that from the claw machine!" You frowned at Wakatoshi and took the toy from Tsutomu who's now obviously confused with what's happening.

"Then I'll pay the amount you spent. Just stop giving me random stuff from now on. I don't need them and I don't have any feelings for you," Ushijima said with a passive voice.

You bowed your head and Satori immediately panicked, his arm reaching out to you but you only recoiled. "You're the worst, Toshi!" you yelled at Ushijima before dropping the toy on the floor and running out of the gym.

All three of them were in shock at your outburst, completely not expecting you to say such thing. You've always been bubbly around them so hearing those words from you was something they never expected coming.

"I think you made y/n mad, Captain," Tsutomu said while picking the carrot and dusting it off.

"But all I did was say the truth," Ushijima reasoned out, eyes focused on Tsutomu who was now hugging the toy that was supposed to be his.

Satori just sighed and turned around to go back practicing.

"Captain?" Tsutomu muttered with a confused look as Ushijima suddenly took the carrot from him.

"It's mine."

For the sixth time of the day, Ushijima glanced at the closed door of the gym.

It had been almost a week and he haven't caught a single glimpse of you. No visits, no 'coincidentally' bumping on each other despite having different floor levels, nor surprised bentos. Nothing. It basically felt as if you don't exist anymore.

He doesn't even know why he seemed bothered with it. Wasn't it him who pushed you away? He should feel relieved now that you were no longer bothering him, right?

Then why did it felt like he was missing you?

"Y/n's not coming," Tendou said beside Ushijima.

"I know. They haven't been visiting lately." Ushijima stared at Tendou seriously, making the red hair chuckle before raising his hands up in surrender.

"I don't have any idea where y/n-chan is. Even if I do, my lips are sealed," Tendou said before making a zipper motion.

Ushijima sighed and looked down at the ball resting between his feet. "I don't like it when they're avoiding me."

"Hm, I can't blame my cousin for doing that though. They've been pining over you for quite a while now and each time they confess, you end up rejecting them. I guess yesterday was their breaking point," Satori explained with a shrug, "Maybe you got used to the feeling of them coming back everytime you reject them that you don't know how to feel now that they stopped chasing you."

"I..like y/n."

Just as he said those words, the gym doors suddenly opened. You entered with your usual bubbly expression, a wrapped bento in hand as you made your way to them.

"I noticed that you weren't carrying your bento awhile ago so I brought it with me," you said as you handed the bento to Satori, not even bothering to spare a glance at Ushijima who was intensely looking at you.

"Y/n," Ushijima said making you turn to him.

"Yes Ushijima-san?"

Ushijima blinked at the mention of his surname. He knew that it was normal for people to call him Ushijima since it was his name but hearing you say it seemed bothering for some reason. He was used to you calling him either Toshi or Waka-kun.

"I like you, y/n," he said without hesitation.

Satori facepalmed at Ushijima's straightforwardness. Deciding to give you both some space, he stood up and walked away with his bento, leaving the two of you to talk.

You sat down and crossed your arms over chest, body facing Wakatoshi as you waited for him to explain and apologize properly.

"I'm sorry for how I acted a few days ago, I was merely being honest that time, but now I realized that I like you too... and I also did not mean to disregard your efforts just to get Mr. Carrot," Ushijima said while slightly scooting closer to you, his hand obviously trying to reach for yours.

"You named the stuff toy Mr. Carrot?" you asked with a raise of an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't need it.."

"That was a mistake. Mr. Carrot is actually sleeping in my bed as of this moment." The side of Ushijima's lips curled up when you giggled, the sound making his heart race.

"I appreciate you trying to be nice to me, Toshi, but you really hurt me back then, you know? I even had to stay away for a couple of days," you said before looking down at your lap to play with your fingers.

Panic started bubbling up inside Ushijima at your sudden silence. Swallowing the lump inside his throat, he asked you carefully, "Do you still like me? I'm really sorry, y/n. I missed your presence inside the gym. It's not the same without you. It's been too... quiet. Please give me another chance."

You lifted your head upon hearing that, clearly not expecting Ushijima to say those words in almost a pleading manner.

Ushijima took your surprised reaction as a cue to continue. He carefully took your hand in his, his hand completely engulfing yours as he intertwined your fingers. "I won't be aggressive towards you anymore. I know you said you hate me and I'm not the best at this kind of things but for you, I'll try."

You pulled your hand away from him, only to quickly wrap your arms around him, the action obviously catching Ushijima off guard. "I never hated you, 'Toshi," you mumbled with your face buried to his chest.

"Does that mean you still like me?" He said as soon as he composed himself, an unusual soft expression forming on his face when he felt you nodding.

You felt yourself melting even more to his touch when he secured an arm around your waist. "I like you so much, 'Toshi," you said as you looked up him.

"I like you too, y/n." With that, Ushijima leaned down to press a lingering kiss on your forehead.

likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated ♥️

a/n: lately, my mind has been filled with wakatoshi ushijima

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separatist-apologist · 3 years

Text

Lucien Vanserra + The Villain Theory & Why the Mating Bond Is Not Fake

I've been thinking about this for a while and I've decided I want to debunk this because of all the *insert character that is definitely not the villain becoming a secret villain*, Lucien is most definitely not it.

The theory, according to tiktok, is that Lucien is a secret schemer who has tricked everyone, including Elain, into believing they are mates for undefined, suspicious reasons likely related to Koschei. I find this unlikely considering his "father" is ALSO scheming with Koschei and Lucien likely has some awareness of this considering how often Eris is suddenly hanging around.

This is so long. Everything is under the cut.

However, lets pretend he doesn't. There is consistent, contextual proof that Lucien a) could not make up a mating bond even if he wanted to and b) everyone would know if he had.

Starting in ACOTAR, Tamlin tells Feyre the story of Lucien. On page 160, Tamlin says:

"Lucien said he didn't care she wasn't one of the High Fae, that he was certain the mating bond would snap soon and that he was going to marry her and leave his father's court to his scheming brothers."

Followed up on page 161, Tamlin adds:

"...his father has never apologized and his brothers are too frightened of me to risk harming him. But he has never forgotten what they did to her...even if he pretends he has."

That's ACOTAR. I know SJM likes to change things on a whim, but foundationally, this is Lucien's character and across all five books, it never changes. Lucien is still haunted by Jesminda and the mating bond he lost. He firmly believes, if we believe Tamlin to be a reliable narrator (and we should, as Lucien backs Tamlin's opinion up in his private thoughts. It is also worth noting that if Lucien has a villain origin story, it begins right here, the moment his father beheads Jesminda. To assume he's the villain, we ought to believe that he's been scheming non-stop for at least 200 years (since he's like, 300ish?) and to what end? To kill Beron? He'd have been scheming far longer than Elain was alive.

Moving right along to ACOMAF, on page 619, Amren says:

"And the bond," Amren breathed, Cassian's blood shining on her hands as she slowed its dribbling.

Mor said, "She asked the king to break the bond. He obliged."

I thought I might be dying- thought my chest might actually be cleaved in two.

"Thats impossible," Amren said. "That sort of bond cannot be broken."

"The kind said he could do it."

"The king is a fool," Amren barked. "That sort of bond cannot be broken."

"No, it can't," I said.

This is from Rhys' perspective. A mating bond can't be broken with magic- it's forever. Even rejected or in death (we'll get there), the mating bond is for life. Assuming Lucien's mate was Jesminda, even if it hadn't snapped in death, she would STILL be his mate and death would not have changed that. Neither would any magic Lucien, a spell-cleaver, might possess.

Let's also consider Elain, who has no reason to lie and every reason to call Lucien out regarding the bond. In ACOMAF, page 608, we see this:

"...Elain was staring over Nesta's shoulder. At Lucien-whose face she had finally taken in. Dark brown eyes met one of russet and one of metal. Nesta was still weeping, still raging, still inspecting Elain-

Lucien's hands slackened at his sides. His voice broke as he whispered to Elain, "You're my mate."

It's Elain who sees him first, who feels the mating bond mere seconds before Lucien. Why choose Elain, if you're going to pick a fake mate for your scheme? The argument is generally that she has the least amount of knowledge about Faeries and no interest in that education but how would Lucien know that? Feyre told Lucien nothing about her sisters (she told Ianthe instead), which means he would have had to guess. Given that Elain fights being put in the Cauldron, there's nothing contextually in that moment that suggests that Lucien somehow knew she was the easier sister to fool.

It's also worth noting that Lucien, up until that moment, still genuinely believes Jesminda was his mate. If he's the villain, having a fake mate makes no sense to the story or his plans.

Feyre has been inside Lucien's mind twice. Once in ACOMAF (pg. 95):

"Thoughts slammed into me, images and memories, a pattern of thinking and feeling that was old, and clever, and sad, so endlessly sad and guilt-ridden, hopeless-"

And again in ACOWAR when Lucien meets Elain for the first time. On page 249, we get the best description of what Lucien is feeling regarding the mating bond, all through Feyre's perspective:

"Too thin. She must not be eating at all. How can she even stand?

The thoughts flowed through his head, one after another. His heart was a raging, thunderous beat, and he didn't dare move from his position a mere five feet away. She hadn't yet turned toward him, but the ravages of her fasting were evident enough.

Touch her, smell her, taste her-

The instincts were running a river. he fisted his hands at his sides."

"But there she was. His mate. She was nothing like Jesminda."

"Elain had been...thrown at him."

"That circle of people who now claimed to be Feyre's new family...It was what, long ago, he'd once thought life at Tamlin's court would be. An ache like a blow to the chest went through him, but he crossed the rug."

"But he couldn't breathe as she faced him fully. She was the most beautiful female he'd ever seen. Betrayal, queasy and oily, slid through his veins. He'd said the same to Jesminda once. But even as shame washed through him, the words, the senses chanted, Mine. You are mine, and I am yours."

"She looked away- towards the windows. 'I can hear your heart,' she said quietly. He wasn't sure how to respond, so he said nothing and drained his tea even as it burned his mouth.

'When I sleep,' she murmured, 'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' She angled her head, as if the city view held some answer. 'Can you hear mine?'

He wasn't sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, 'No, lady. I cannot.'"

These are Lucien's thoughts from Feyre's perspective. He has no idea she's in his head, so why is he thinking all those things? Why feel guilt that he finds her beautiful or that he'd once said all the same things to Jesminda that he thinks about Elain? Why care about her well-being? We know mates are driven to protect and Lucien's very first thoughts about Elain are ones of concern. She's not eating, she's too thin, how can she possibly stand? Not, hahaah my evil planned worked and I totally have an in with the Night Court (which, why would he need considering Tamlin is currently allied with Hybern and Lucien could have taken full advantage of that?).

Additionally, assuming Lucien is faking the mating bond for some poorly defined, evil plot, why keep such distance? Why not force himself on her? That's the claim, right? That he's forcing her to be with him which is amusing because in ACOFAS, Lucien has some thoughts on page 162"

"'How is she?'

'Better. She makes no mention of her abilities. If they remain.'

'Good. But is she still...' A muscle flickered in his jaw. 'Does she still mourn him?'"

First question he asks. "How is she?" Followed by if she's still in love with her ex-fiance. And I can hear the screaming now, "HE ASKED BECAUSE HE WANTS TO OWN HER" but like, on page 165 of ACOFAS, we get:

"I can't stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes."

Truly a stupid plan to fake a mating bond with a person that is causing you to be eaten alive with guilt and longing. We know the second he's around her, Lucien's is overwhelmed with the mating instincts and feels guilt over Jesminda, which is why he spends little time around Elain. He also tells Feyre, on that same page, he doesn't want his life to be financed by Rhysand. Feyre practically begs Lucien to move back to Velaris, to work for her full time, to let her set him up somewhere nicer and Lucien declines it all. If his plan hinged on getting closer to the IC, to using Rhys' resources, why tell her no? Why not take her up on it? Why not make him part of her life in a much more tangible way?

And finally, the dreaded scent of the mating bond. Feyre doesn't risk talking to Rhys when she's in Spring for fear of alerting everyone to the scent of the bond. Azriel, too, cannot stand the smell of it to the point he stands in the doorway during solstice rather than come in.

Ladies, Gentleman, and Non-binary pals of the jury, examine the evidence. For Lucien to be a villain, he has to KNOW that Feyre is a daemati before she does and both leave his thoughts unguarded while constantly assuming she MIGHT be picking through them. He also has to be able to control large amounts of people at the same time via the smell of the bond and Elain being able to feel it. When he tugs, she responds.

It would require everyone around them to be incredibly dumb. Feyre and Rhys basically share a mind and while they don't necessarily trust Lucien (unfairly imo), I firmly believe one of them would have picked up on a fake bond or Lucien's scheming.

Lucien wanted Jesminda, not Elain. If he decided to punish the world around him for the consistent pain he was enduring, he doesn't need Elain to achieve this. He's friends with Feyre. He has contacts all over Prythian. He didn't need to fake a mating bond, nor does it make any sense to do so. What they have is REAL.

And lastly, the bond can't be broken. Rejected, yes, broken no. Regardless if you think they'll keep it or not, they ARE mates and Lucien is NOT the villain who will be heroically slaughtered. They're awkward, they're uncomfortable, they have shit to work out but they ARE mates, and Lucien has proven over and over that all he wants is a home and goddamn peace and quiet.

#lucien vanserra #lucien vanserra meta #anti e*riel #antiv*ssien #anti el/riel #anti v/ssien #theories that are just not based in reality #but are probably interesting twists in a fanfic i wouldn't read

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thesunicarusfellfor · 3 years

Note

hello!!can you do a part two of your Yandere!Tommy x Reader x Yandere!Tubbo Headcanons/Fic ?! i loved it!!

It amazes me how this became a fan favourite OVERNIGHT like daaaaamn!

This one is gonna be split into parts around the end, so like what happens if you choose Tubbo/Tommy/Neither/Both

(f/l) = first letter of your name

(N/n) = nickname

(f/f) = Favourite flowers

Eggpire does not exist

ALSO. The last Route (Neither) I wrote is shorter because apparently, Tumblr wants to crash after you surpass 10k words, but I could write a continuation fic of Neither that might turn into another x reader? Just platonic? Not sure. Remember, I will always write a continuation of a fic if ever asked.

TW: Yandere, Explosions, Burns, Scars, Manipulation, Mention of Painkillers and being drowsy on them, brief mention of collapsing

Part one

Yandere!Tommy x GN!Reader x Yandere!Tubbo Headcanon/Fic Part 2

Tommy was furious to see you spending time with anyone that wasn’t him.

But seeing you having an early morning coffee with Ranboo??? Tubbo’s husband???

He was about to light the damn house on fire he was so pissed! That’s not even exaggerating, he would’ve and had you live with him! Although he wouldn’t let you know he did it.

Poor Ranboo was trembling so bad, genuinely fearing for his canon lives.

You quickly got up and stood in Tommy’s sight, prevent him from glaring at your tall friend, although he still didn’t look happy.

Before anyone could say anything else, Tubbo stormed through the door with his sword in his hand and teeth violently grit together.

“So... You weren’t trying to throw me off by writing about going to see them in your memory book,” Tubbo growled softly at his husband causing Ranboo to desperately pull his memory book closer to his chest, tears brimming his eyes. You could understand why, his best friend went through his memory book without his knowledge and possibly went through his other things in an attempt to figure out what he was doing.

“I guess neither of you are loyal...” Tommy grumbled with a roll of his eyes, causing Tubbo to give him a hard jab in the ribs, “Ow! Bloody hell, mate! I’m just saying both of you are going for them without even breaking up first!”

“It’s platonic!” Both Tubbo and Ranboo stated although Ranboo’s voice came out as a tiny and meek protest, rather than Tubbo’s annoyed growl. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Ranboo put his crown back on his head, “I’m-I’m not interested in chasing them, so no... I was just talking to them...” He visibly shrank in on himself as the two boys glared darkly at him, “I... Should go...”

“Hold up.” You pointed at him, making the tall and lanky male stay seated in his spot while you turned back to Tubbo and Tommy, “I know why Ranboo is here. I know why he,” You pointed to Tommy, “Is here. He always kicks down my door early in the morning to do some crazy things. But why are you here?” Moving your finger to point at Tubbo, you noticed his look immediately softened upon you turning your attention towards him.

His cheeks became a light pink and his goat ears fluttered slightly as he put his sword away, “Am I not allowed to visit?” There. There was one of the mood switches and manipulation Ranboo warned you about. “Tommy invited me to L’Manberg, and I heard my beloved platonic husband was in the area as well. Plus Tommy left the door open.”

You blinked a bit, caught off guard by the fact that Tubbo completely brushed over the fact that he was here because he had read Ranboo’s memory book, “Oh, I see... Then shall we all go mining today? We’d be able to get a lot more ores than before!” You smiled, pretending that your two friends didn’t kick down your door and threaten the man who was just trying to protect you.

“With Tubbo and Ranboo?” Tommy growled out in disgust at the thought of you spending time with them, “But (Y/n)! We always go mining on Thursday mornings! It’s our thing. Between just US! Aka, not Tubbo and Ranboo...”

“I- uh, have a meeting with Techno and Phil later today, so I can’t go. Sorry, (Y/n)...” Ranboo murmured, although you could tell by the shakiness of his voice that he wanted nothing more than to run and hide in his panic room.

“I’d love to go!” Tubbo chirped softly, ignoring the audible noise of disgust and annoyance that Tommy made, “Let me just get my stuff from my enderchest.” He walked over to your enderchest and opened it. You didn’t mind too much as you gave everyone full permission to make themselves at home in your house, but you were just a bit shaken up at the moment.

Ranboo quickly got up and scurried out the door, giving you an odd look as he passed by. He looked... Guilty, but his smile was sad and soft, but seemingly affectionate. You knew he would help if these two were scaring you too much.

The two boys brought you to an unpopular mine in the DreamSMP that was filled to the brim with ores.

They were quick to take down any and all mobs that came within any sort of distance to you, recklessly charging without a second thought in attempts to protect you.

While there was intense amounts of fear and tension circling through your veins because of this morning, you did quickly grow to have fun with the banter between these two.

Even Tommy and Tubbo were having fun bickering, almost seeming to forget the fact that they were in a war with each other. Almost.

The constant fluttering of their hearts and warmth on their cheeks was an easy reminder of what they were fighting for.

Every single ore, gemstone and pretty rock that you looked at, the boys would immediately pick up and put in their bags so you didn’t have to carry it.

When Tommy began to whine about being hungry, you wanted to go back to the surface to eat the food you had packed, but they both thought that was too far.

So, you suggested sitting down in the abandoned mineshaft you had discovered.

“Ooh!” Tubbo squeaked, his ears wiggling as he turned the corner of the mineshaft, “There’s a ravine over here! Let’s eat by the light of the lava so we don’t waste all our torches!”

“Finally! I’m starving!” Tommy tossed his ore-filled bag off of his shoulder and set it against the wall. Once you spread out the thick blanket you had brought on the ground, he plopped himself down and set down his shield and sword, “What do you have for food today, Big/Little (F/l)?”

You hummed as Tubbo sat himself down on the other side of you with a yawn, likely not used to getting up early, “I have... Sandwiches, some fruit slices, berries, y’know, the usual. You tired, Tubbo?” Glancing over at the brunet, you saw him rubbing his eyes with the long sleeve of his brown and yellow striped sweater that you had made him when he first travelled to Snowchester.

“Little bit, yeah. Can I lay against you? Just for a little bit?” He asked softly as you handed Tommy a sandwich, which he practically inhaled in seconds. Once you gave a nod of approval, the smaller boy laid down and curled up with his head against your lap.

Tommy grumbled in annoyance and without thinking much, laid down as well with his head against your leg too. When you gave him a small questioning look as this was highly out character for him, but he simply just mumbled about how you were definitely more comfortable than the rocks.

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, unconsciously playing with their hair as you glanced around the stone walls for any untouched ores, but by now both boys were asleep and you didn’t feel like waking them up. Taking your time, you began to consider your situation now that you knew both boys were smitten with you and practically willing to hurt anyone who came in contact with you.

Tubbo’s mood switches scared you, a lot, and you were worried that him being the nice and blushing boy you had met a few years ago was nothing but an act and that all the gifts were an attempt to lure you in or distract you from his violent tendencies. You had watched him walk into your house, eyes blank and filled with rage towards his platonic soulmate for talking to you without his knowledge, and you were worried that soon that rage would be directed at you for doing something he didn’t like.

Tommy’s violent tendencies were just as scary though, so he wasn’t in the clear in your eyes either. While he did shape up a lot from when you first met, he still had a tendency to bark insults at you and hurt your feelings, which you hope is unintentional. He also often tried to threaten people and keep them away from you, like Eret or Niki who got yelled at and a tad bit injured after they had given you gifts or offered to bring you somewhere cool... They didn’t really spend time with you anymore after that... You missed them and didn’t want the same thing to happen to Ranboo.

But, this couldn’t go on forever. You couldn’t just run... and you knew very well that rejecting either of the two would cause the other to lash out severely, to the point where the one you chose, you, and your friends were in major trouble. It’s not like you could choose both right? ...Right? Then again... Choosing both would potentially cause tension to stir up again between the two best friends.

Your train of thought was violently derailed when you heard a hard thud a few meters in front of you. With a small gasp, you looked up and saw a creature of varying different shades of green slowly looking around before a few more thuds followed behind it. Before you could even think of waking the two boys, the green creature began to run at you quickly with its four legs.

A creeper.

A terrified cry left your lips and suddenly the weight on your lap vanished. Now awake, Tommy immediately grabbed his shield and used it alongside his body weight to slam into the creeper backwards into a small horde of zombies that had dropped down with it. “Get up you dumbass! Are you tryin’ to die?!” The blond yelled at you as Tubbo, who had also sprung up at the sound of your fear, began firing arrows at the group of mobs.

Once you got over your shock, you grabbed your axe and shield before quickly jumping to your feet and charging into battle. The zombie you had chosen to fight gurgled and swiped and gnashed its teeth together at you as you used your shield to block its hits. Backing up a few steps, you slashed your axe at the undead mob and took out its bottom jaw with the black blade, gleaming with an enchantment that set the creature on fire. The smell of burning rotten flesh caused you to gag and scrunch up your nose before you used your shield to shove it into the pit of lava at the bottom of the ravine.

Laughing softly in triumph, you turn around to help Tubbo and Tommy, only to let out another gasp of shock as you saw the very creeper that had been shoved away earlier had now returned with a vengeance. And it was mere inches away from your face.

There wasn’t much you could do except barely raise your shield in time to block a good majority of the explosion from damaging your body, launching chunks of stone outwards and off the edge of the ravine.

And you as well.

“(Y/n)!!!” Tubbo’s voice echoed through the stone cavern as you felt yourself get launched backwards before beginning to fall, gravity quickly beginning to grasp onto you and drag you down towards the lava below.

Reaching out, to grab onto anything that would stop you from falling, but to no avail. Your mind barely registered Tommy and Tubbo running towards you before you shut your eyes tightly, silently praying to whatever or whoever to save you.

Then you stopped dead in the air, something wrapped around your arms and hands.

Taking a deep breath, you opened your eyes and looked up to see the human and a goat hybrid that had been laying with their heads in your lap just minutes ago, were now desperately grasping one arm each, preventing you from falling to the end of one of your canon lives. Both of their blue eyes were filled with tears that were dripping down their faces and hitting the molten rock at the bottom of the ravine as they struggled to pull you up.

Once you felt the solid ground below you, you finally managed to take a few breaths to calm yourself down as you felt tight arms wrap around you on either side, barely able to comprehend the sobs of terror from your savours. The dull burning and throbbing pain on your cheek were enough to bring you down to reality and carefully wrap your arms around the two wailing teens as they desperately clung to you, almost as if you were going to vanish right below their fingertips.

Tommy was the first to gather himself and pull himself away from your good shoulder and rub his eyes free of tears to look at the new injuries covering your body and your busted armour, “F-fuck... We’re gonna have to get you to Phil to get those burns patched up...” He sniffled, trying to act like he wasn’t just bawling his eyes out over you nearly losing a canon life. For once, he didn’t seem to mind Tubbo clinging onto you and wailing into your side as you pet his hair, trying to calm him down.

Tubbo refused to let go of you for the next hour as you travelled out of the mine, his arms desperately wrapped around your waist/shoulders. (Depending on your height)

Tommy also held onto your non-burnt hand, that once held your shield, as he carried yours and his bag, leading you both back the way you came

If another mob came out to fight, it was almost a guarantee that one of them would run forward and the other would lightly push you into a corner, then proceed to block you from view via a shield and their body,

Even if you thought that you were in a decent enough condition to fight, the one shielding you would only look at you sadly and shake their head, saying something about the explosion burns along your (s/t) skin.

Once you had gotten out of the mine, it was around 6pm, and the sun was going down, but luckily Tommy had sent a message to Philza, his father, about the situation, so he was prepared and already at Tommy’s house, which was the closest to the mine.

It wasn’t a long walk, but god you were so exhausted..

It got to the point where Tommy and Tubbo were on either side of you, preventing you from collapsing before you got to the home.

Let’s just say, when they opened the door, Philza was already there and immediately panicked upon seeing the injuries covering the one side of you and the state of your armour. (No you were not wearing the god armour Tubbo gave you.)

One of your cheeks and lower jaw were burnt and bleeding, along with your dominant arm and leg that weren’t behind the shield when the explosion went off.

Tommy Route - Mellohi

Because your home still being near L’Manberg and the Prime Path (In this route), it was easier for Tommy to check up on you while you were healing from your injuries.

While you were bedridden, Tommy was a lot, a lot, quieter when he came into your house, never sure whether or not you were sleeping.

If you weren’t, he would eagerly show you something he found, tell you some drama he heard around the area, or tell you about his day. Or just play Mellohi on constant repeat.

If you were asleep, he would silently walk over and check on your bandages or potion supply, (updating Phil if you were low or bleeding from moving too much), or even sit beside you for a little bit to make sure you wouldn’t just stop breathing out of nowhere.

To say he was scared your entire recovery process would be an understatement.

He would rarely let anyone but Phil check on you, definitely nearly blowing his nerve when Ranboo or Tubbo would walk into your house.

If it was Ranboo, we would definitely get picked up and thrown,

If it was Tubbo, he would try and push him out because he knew that threats wouldn’t work on him.

In the situation that he did push Tubbo out, Tommy would immediately lock the door and stay in there for the next few days

For the more likely situation, because we all know how stubborn that goat is, and he wasn’t able to push Tubbo out, Tommy would subtly put a few drops of the sleeping potion Phil made you, into your drink.

When you began to doze off, Tommy would mention it to Tubbo in the most serious voice he could muster. It always worked, because Tubbo wanted what was best for your health.

The absolute minute that Philza deems you stable enough to get off of bed rest, Tommy is by your side in seconds and trying to encourage you to stand up.

When you do get the nerve to try and stand again, he would immediately be holding your good arm, preventing you from falling if your bad leg suddenly gave out.

In the case that you do collapse from your injuries, he would at first be extremely panicked, but then he’d start calling you insulting names and calling you an idiot.

He would bring you on walks all around the DreamSMP to get you used to walking again but would have no problems sitting down again.

That’s a lie.

He would complain a little bit, but if he saw you were genuinely in a lot of pain, he would just shut up and awkwardly ask what he could do.

If you needed anything for pain, he would straight up run to your home and get it, if they already didn’t have it.

The fact that you’re spending so much time with Tommy absolutely infuriates Tubbo, and he tries to guilt-trip you into spending more time with him.

But then Ranboo tells him that you can barely walk down the Prime Path without wanting to cry from the pain of the burns, and he offers to move back to L’Manberg. Or at least what’s left of it.

This sparks an argument between Ranboo and Tubbo almost immediately, but you’re much too tired to try and stop it, instead quietly asking Tommy if he can help go back to your home or to get them out so you could sleep.

He would be glad to.

Like he would do it, with an absolute goofy smile on his face because he basically gets your permission to have your attention all to himself!

When you’re all healed, your relationship between you and Tommy has practically tripled from what it was.

You’re much closer to him than he was to Tubbo, to the point where he has told you everything.

Even about his exile...

Because of your closeness to him, he somehow got even more protective but also calmed down his threats.

Like, now you could talk to Niki and Eret again, but you were not allowed to leave your house at night alone, especially after mobs have spawned.

Hell sometimes if he’s really paranoid, he’ll go to your house and spend the night just to make sure mobs don’t bang on your door or ruin anything.

He straight up took the time out of his life to fence the property around your house off and fill it with torches so things didn’t spawn in.

Sure he’ll call you slightly insulting names, but he makes sure that they wouldn’t be too painful for you before saying them aloud.

Tubbo still tries to be nice and manipulative, which Ranboo tries to stop, but it’s pretty much worthless at this point.

He’s lost.

He knows it, Ranboo knows it, and Tommy damn well brags about it.

Tubbo does end up crying to you quite a bit about it, but you can understand, he’s heartbroken at this point and can’t do anything about it. Tommy and you know about his manipulation tactics, he couldn’t take Tommy’s last life because it would show up on your communicator, and then you would never love him!

Unfortunately, this does cause him to lash out at Ranboo quite a lot which led to their third divorce. Although this one seems quite a bit more permanent, you never know. (Ranboo took Michael)

One evening, Tommy invited you out of the house oddly enough. Even though mobs would be spawning soon? It greatly confused you.

He even asked you to wear nicer clothing? Like a tux or a dress? Either one or both worked in his eyes.

Honestly, you weren’t sure how you were supposed to fight mobs in a fancy outfit, but you trusted him.

“Tommy?” You asked, opening the door as you smoothed out your clothing with your hands and adjusted your hair a tad bit to your liking. It was shocking to see the tall blond nicely cleaned up and wearing a suit, but it was quite a welcome sight!

He nervously adjusted his red tie before holding out a bouquet of perfect (f/f), and cleared his throat, “You... Uh... Clean up nice. I- uh... No- wait... What did Sam say again?” He murmured to himself, “Ah fuck it... You look nice, (Y/n).”

You chuckled as your cheeks flushed a light pink, happily taking the bouquet filled with your favourite flowers, “I’ll put these in a vase and then we can go where you wanna bring me.” With a smile, you quickly placed the flowers in a glass vase filled with water before going back out with Tommy.

“Sh-shall we? Is that a common phrase to say?” He asked as he held out his arm for you to link with his, a habit he picked up from walking you around while you were healing.

“I suppose we shall. Calm down Tommy, no need to be all fancy and stuff around me.” You chirped with a small smiled as you took his arm, linking it with his, “Now, are you going to tell me where we’re going? Or is this supposed to remain a mystery?”

Tomathy visibly relaxed once you told him he didn’t have to be all professional and fancy, beginning to lead you down the Prime Path, “It’s a secret! I worked hard on it too! So you better be grateful or I’ll kick your ass.” He jokingly threatened, smiling a bit as you laughed at his typical attitude.

He led you down the wooden path, the two of you joking the entire way with a goofy smile across your faces. Tommy then took a sudden turn onto a newly made pathway and lead you down it, never answering any questions about it the entire way, even when the buildings turned into a forest. The pathway was lined with fences, and the trees were filled with small hanging lanterns, not only preventing mobs from spawning but also creating a beautiful fairy forest effect.

Seeing your look of awe, he gave a small sheepish laugh, “You like it? Puffy and Sam helped me out with it for the past few days, but this was my idea! And this isn’t even the best part!” He grinned widely before quickly pulling you along again.

The walk wasn’t very long, but it was extremely beautiful. Eventually, he brought you up to a large hill with a massive oak tree where a beautiful picnic was set up, surrounded by lantern light. Even with the lanterns, you were still able to get a clear view of the starry sky above without a single cloud in sight! “Oh my god... Tommy... This is incredible...”

“Innit? Puffy helped me make all the food, but this was my idea. Unless you don’t like it. Then it was Puffy’s idea.” He joked in an attempt to hide his nervousness as he went to ruffle his hair, but then remembered that he had spent a few hours taming it down, so he decided against it.

“I love it! This is so beautiful!” You looked up at him with a bright and happy smile, making him return it with a soft smile of his own, “Come on, oh! There’s a jukebox!” You eagerly pulled him over to the blanket and sat down, taking a look at all the food that had been set out.

The tall male happily took a disc, Mellohi to be precise, out of the enderchest that had been set beside the jukebox, neatly placing it in and pressing the button to make the music play before he sat down beside you. The two of you began to eat the meal that he helped make, joking, laughing and smiling the entire time, having the time of your life. You leaned your head against his shoulder and smiled up at him as you gently held his hand, making him realize even more how important you were to him.

Mellohi, the same song he lost his friend to, was the same song he was listening to while gaining a new important person in his life. You.

The entire night went on with you two eventually falling asleep at the top of the hill, completely unaware of the brown-haired male leaning against a tree. He desperately grasped his shirt where his heart was as tears poured down his shirt.

Tubbo always liked Cat more than Mellohi...

Tubbo Route - Don’t Let Me Fall

Tubbo was so so glad that he had managed to convince (manipulate) you to live in Snowchester when he did. (In this route)

Somehow managed to convince you to live in the mansion, although it was probably done when you were drowsy on the pain killer potion Phil gave you.

This man would completely ignore his own country to make sure you were well taken care of. Like Ranboo literally had to step into power and start working on things and taking care of Michael.

Speaking of the baby zombie piglin, because you were now bedridden and bored out of your mind, Tubbo frequently brought the child in if Ranboo absolutely demanded that he take over for a bit.

The baby absolutely adored you! The injuries on your body reminded you of the ones he got when he travelled to the overworld, so he didn’t feel alone.

Unfortunately because of your constant pain and drowsiness, Tubbo thought it was best that he stayed in his room. Or maybe that was because he didn’t want him getting close to you too?

It was actually extremely rare for Tubbo to let anyone in to visit you. He actually even got incredibly annoyed when even Phil would come over to restock the potions for you or make sure your wounds were healing.

On a normal day, if you were awake, Tubbo would be blabbering on about some story without a care whether or not you were listening. He would most likely be acting the story out as if it were a play, determined to provide you with as much entertainment by himself as he could.

If you were sleeping, he would also be sleeping, although on a few chairs pushed together in your room. There’s a rare time where he will stay up and watch you to make sure you’re breathing still, but that’s only if he’s really scared and paranoid.

Tommy absolutely REFUSES to even look at Snowchester, so you never really got a chance to thank him for saving you.

Although... Tubbo very actively tries to convince you that Tommy didn’t even come to help you when you had fallen and that you had been in shock so that’s why you didn’t remember correctly.

At first, you didn’t believe him, but eventually, with constant repetition, you slowly saw it as the truth. You genuinely began to believe that Tommy hadn’t pulled you up and that it was only Tubbo that did.

After quite a few weeks, Phil told Tubbo that you could finally get out of bed, but Tubbo asked him if he was 100% sure MANY times.

The goat hybrid actually didn’t want you to get out of bed and start walking again, worried that you get up would leave him, so he wasn’t going to tell you.

But Ranboo was the one who told you.

This led to quite a violent argument between Ranboo and Tubbo, but there was nothing Tubbo could do since you already knew the information he tried to keep from you.

Tubbo started ignoring you, so Ranboo was the one to try and get you used to walking around again, but this lead to the shorter male getting extremely jealous and helping you instead.

He frequently walks you around Snowchester on a strict set schedule, when he knows no one will be out and no mobs will be spawning.

One time, he didn’t expect Tommy to be walking around the snowy forests when he was walking with you, holding your hand to make sure you didn’t lose your balance. At least that’s what he told you.

Tommy looked... Empty, when he saw you both walking together. But his eyes darkened a bit when his blue eyes landed on your hands twinned together.

Tubbo looked a little hostile in your eyes, but he simply just gave Tommy a sharp smile before trying to pull you along as if he didn’t notice the tears beginning to pool in his ex-best friend’s eyes.

Tommy knew he lost right then and there, so he decided to say fuck it and start screaming degrading names at the two of you, catching you greatly off guard, hurting you badly enough to the point where your feelings were more than a little hurt.

When the founder of Snowchester realized that the blond hurt your feelings, he was quick to lash out back at the other man in your defence, but by then you were already walking away, back to the manor.

It took about ten minutes for him to realize that you went back to the mansion, but when he did, he sprinted through the door in an absolute panic before practically pouncing on you the second his eyes caught sight of you.

He protectively wrapped himself around you and whispered sweet nothings into your ear as you quietly rested your head against his shoulder.

After that, You and Tubbo became a lot closer emotionally. To the point where he called you his platonic wife jokingly, although you both knew he didn’t want to add platonic at the beginning.

He began to tell you about everything that weighed heavy on his shoulders, like his death from Technoblade’s fireworks, even to being threatened by Dream during the disc war.

When he noticed that you were genuinely beginning to care about him, his manipulation and jealousy actually began to calm down quite a lot.

You could actually spend time with Michael and Ranboo without anyone getting yelled at by Tubbo and causing him to get ridiculously jealous.

He began to take over his job as the founder of Snowchester, now actually trusting Ranboo to keep you company and even letting him take you outside during the day. But he refused to let you out during the night.

He’s just worried about mobs. Creepers especially.

Everything seems relatively like it was before that one day before Tommy and Tubbo completely lashed out at each other.

Tommy does often try and talk to you when Tubbo isn’t around, but both you and Ranboo try and put a stop to it as quickly as possible,

He’s lost.

He hurt you, and Ranboo couldn’t help but miss how Tubbo used to be, so if keeping Tommy away from you makes Tubbo act normal, he will damn well make sure that Tommy stays countries away from you.

This does cause Wilbur’s younger brother to break down a little bit, which you can genuinely understand, even if you hold a grudge against him for not saving you and yelling at you, you knew he did have feelings for you at one point even if he refused to admit it.

Unfortunately, this does cause quite a bit of pranks and explosions to stir up around Snowchester and the L’Manberg crater, but they stop within a few weeks. Tommy probably got scolded by either Sam, Phil or Puffy,

One morning, Tubbo invited you to spend a day outside of the mansion with him after a heavy snowfall.

He spent almost all morning outside, doing something he refused to tell you about, and when he came in to wake you up, his face was already cherry red from the cold.

How could he even want to go back into the freezing cold without any sort of warm drink or even sitting in front of the fire for a bit!?

“How are you so... Full of energy?” You murmured from behind the bathroom door as you got changed into your warmer clothing for when you do go outside. The door was cracked open a small bit so you could hear Tubbo rambling on and on about how he had a great surprise for you.

“Come on! It’ll be fun!” He was obviously grinning with excitement. When you walked out of the bathroom in your thick clothing and jacket, he bounced up from his spot on the edge of your bed, “Finally! Let’s go! Hurry, before it snows or gets warmer.”

You only nodded curiously and he grabbed your hand, eagerly pulling you out of your room and down the large stairs that lead towards the door. He pushed the large doors open with a bit of difficulty due to the snow piled up, but with your help, you both managed to slip out the door. Tubbo happily grabbed your hand again and began leading you down towards the docks where the water was covered with a thick sheet of ice, “Oh it must’ve got really cold last night... What are you showing me?”

“Over here!” He pulled you over to a large half-sphere made out of snow. He led you over to a hole in the side of it before dropping down to his knees and crawling through the entrance, “Come on!”

Blinking in surprise, you hesitantly followed him inside of the handmade snow building and gave a small gasp of glee as you saw that it was an igloo! The inside had a few blankets on the ground, preventing you from sitting on the icy snow-covered ground, there were a few lanterns placed on small snow hills preventing the small room from being dark, plus there was a small basket of what looked like two thermoses and a bit of food, “Tubbo! Did you build this?”

“I did! I also spent last night building it too!” He grinned widely, his ears wiggling with glee, “But this isn’t even the best part! Check over here!” The brunet shuffled over to another basket before pulling out a pair of white boots with silver blades bolted to the bottoms.

“Ice skates?” You tilted your head a bit as you crawled over and pulled out the pair that looked to be your size, “But I can’t skate...”/”How did you even know I could skate?”

Tubbo only turned his happy grin towards you, “I’ll show you how! Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall!”/”You briefly mentioned that you missed skating once or twice when you were all dopey on painkillers a few months ago!” He pulled out his pair of skates and began to take off his boots. (After getting his skates on he helped you with yours if you didn’t know how to lace them up.)

Once your new footwear was all tied up, he helped you up and carefully lead you outside with his arms tightly wrapped around you to help you keep your balance. (Even if you did know how to skate, he was still worried about you falling.) Tubbo carefully led you towards the ice and helped you stand up straight on the frozen water, making sure that you wouldn’t fall.

“See?” He smiled softly and held your hands tightly as he began to skate backwards, pulling you along with him until you slowly got a hold of what you were doing. “You (still) got it!”

You two slid and slipped around on the ice, laughing, smiling and spinning around with the other, but suddenly out of nowhere, your blade got caught in a groove of the ice that likely got chipped out when you two were skating around. With a small cry, you felt your legs slip out from under you and you immediately shut your eyes, awaiting the inevitable impact as a result of gravity.

Thankfully, two arms wrapped around your frame before you hit the ground. You slowly cracked open your eyes and saw your best friend holding you tightly against him. Your (e/c) eyes stared into his blue ones for a few moments before your face broke into a smile. “You caught me...”

“I would never let you fall...”

There two of you continued to skate around, having fun in the other's presence, completely unaware of the blond hidden behind a snowbank with his hand clasped tightly over his mouth and tears beginning to freeze to his reddened cheeks.

Tommy often found himself wishing he had let you fall...

Tommy & Tubbo Route - Rhythm of the Storm

Because your original housing was set between Snowchester and the Prime Path, it was surprisingly an equal distance between Tubbo’s mansion and Tommy’s house.

In the beginning, Tommy would go to your house first in the mornings, then leave around noon when Tubbo would come, but the constant social interaction left you always sleeping through either one of their visits.

It got to the point where you asked both of them to come by at the same time so you could talk with them both at the same time.

This caught them both off guard that you wanted both of their attention at the same time, but then only began to see benefits from them meeting with you together.

Now you weren’t out cold during the mornings when Tommy opened the door, and now you weren’t asleep by 2pm when Tubbo was over. Plus they could both take care of you at the same time!

There were a few times when either of the boys’ yandere tendencies peaked out, but you or the other would scold them out of it. Or Tommy would give Tubbo a small smack upside the head which would make him scream dramatically like a baby goat.

While they did take your injuries relatively seriously, they also were joking with you and cheered you up with their antics, preventing you from falling into a depression from staying inside all day and every day.

On a normal day, if you were awake and had more energy than normal, Tommy would be telling you incredible stories of his travels and Tubbo would be either making food or potions. Tommy isn’t allowed near the brewing stands or the stove anymore if you’re wondering.

On a bad day, if you barely had any energy and could barely stay awake, the two boys would be much quieter and let you sleep. On those days, they would ask Phil if you were actually okay, or they would go back to their respective homes.

If your burns are causing you immense amounts of pain one day, Tommy will refuse to even be in the same room as you and will genuinely beg Tubbo, Ranboo or Philza to stop your pain. Even if he doesn’t like others being around you, he’s beginning to accept Tubbo’s care towards you but he’s still wary about his father and Tubbo’s husband.

Speaking of, Ranboo and Michael had seemingly disappeared from Snowchester, but Phil assured you that they were both in the Tundra, (And to keep it a secret from Tubbo.)

On Phil’s latest visit, he told you that you could get up and out of bed without irritating the burns on your legs, although you might have trouble at first.

Upon hearing the news, Tubbo and Tommy were at your sides in seconds, asking if you wanted to get up and encouraging you to try. If you didn’t want to, they (mostly Tubbo) would understand about it and leave you to sit on the fact for a bit.

If you did, Tubbo would be at your injured side to make sure your bandages stayed together when you got up, while Tommy would be on your good side and mostly holding you up if your balance was bad enough.

Tubbo wanted to help you walk around at night, just in case you were self-conscious of your burns, but Tommy was too worried about any sort of mob approaching you. While they knew they could protect you, they just didn’t want to take any risks.

Tubbo will burst out crying after he hears an explosion, meanwhile, Tommy will freeze completely still. Which is also what happened during the mining incident that caused you to get injured, which is why Tubbo was the one to scream and continue to cry long after they had saved you.

Because of this, they don’t want to face a creeper with you around to see them panic and be in danger while they struggled to get themselves together.

When you’re out walking around, Tubbo is extremely patient and Tommy at least tries to hold his complaints.

If someone even looks at you wrong, they’ll have an angry raccoon boy yelling threats at them and Tubbo drawing his sword. They usually run with their tails between their legs afterwards.

If you collapsed on the walk from the pain, the amount of panic that would happen would be enough to have every single parental figure in the SMP running to help you. Luckily when it did happen, Badboyhalo was there and was strong enough to carry you without irritating your burns, and even gave a few pointers on how to help with burns. He had to raise Sapnap. He would know.

When you woke up at your home, you saw Tubbo and Tommy actually having a civil conversation with the large 9ft demon rather than threatening him to get away from you. That could've been because he was a demon though. But you were still proud!

You guessed that they still thought you were asleep when Bad left because you heard them murmuring and trying to keep quiet as they most likely made lunch.

Because of their conversation with Bad, and proving to you that they can actually behave themselves, you began to realize that their Yandere tendencies were calming down a lot. Meaning you weren't scared of them that much anymore, and you were beginning to accept their feelings towards you.

Unfortunately... You couldn't pick between them... And didn't know how open they would be to polyamory, but seeing as they weren't ripping each other's throats out, maybe their reactions wouldn't be too terrible?

Tubbo began to tell you about everything that bothered him, currently and formerly, like his death from Technoblade’s fireworks, even to being threatened by Dream during the disc war, or the nukes disappearing and his worry about whether or not Tommy cares about him.

Tommy also began to open up as well. Telling you about his brothers and father, his exile, his fear that Tubbo doesn't care about him anymore, and his third canon death.

After the two began to open up more, you began to realize they weren't being as clingy and desperate for your attention, most likely now trusting you to spend time with people other than them.

Maybe because they were catching on to you slowly beginning to return their feelings...

Everything seems relatively like it was before that one day before Tommy and Tubbo completely lashed out at each other.

A few weeks after your body became completely healed, the two boys spent a few days away from you, which you were curious about but never really commented on it.

One day when they both arrived at your house at their usual time, they were dressed up for an adventure and their bags were filled with everything that anyone would need.

They eagerly pulled you out of bed at some ungodly hour in the morning, although Tubbo thankfully had breakfast (and coffee) ready which you ate before going to get dressed into appropriate clothing and your god armour that Tubbo made, that was equipped with a new god sword that Tommy made you!

This was your first adventure since the explosion in the mine, and you damn well wanted to have fun.

"Okay, okay! Damn, Big Man, calm down!" You groaned as you threw the bag over your shoulders and tightened the straps accordingly. Once you tied up the laces on your boots, you straightened up and without fail, you felt both of your hands being grabbed before you got dragged out the door.

"We've been planning this for a few days! Nothing will stop us now!" Tubbo cheered, hopping along beside you as he held your scarred hand, "We have everything we could ever need for the next week!"

Your surprised reaction was ignored as Tommy continued dragging you down the Prime Path with a map in his free hand, "A whole week? That's quite a long adventure! Are you sure we'll be able to handle it?"

"Relax (N/n)! We were both raised by Philza Minecraft! Y'know, Survivalist extraordinaire? We know how to ration, build a shelter if needed, and everything in between!" Tubbo gave you a wide and cheesy grin as he spoke about the man who raised him, despite not actually being related to him. (Dadschlatt AU if you're wondering)

The three of you ventured off through many acres of forests and other biomes, holding hands and chatting away the entire time. Tommy let it slip that you were going to find buried treasure and maybe a woodland mansion if you were feeling brave enough, which is why he was always holding the map.

"Tommy, (Y/n)! Look!" Tubbo squeaked out happily as he saw a field of dozens of different flowers with bees hurriedly buzzing about to pollinate the plants around. The sight of the yellow and black bugs caused Tubbo to make happy little bleating sounds as his ears wiggled.

You and Tommy exchanged glances with a small smile, knowing very well you wouldn't be able to pull the hybrid away from them. "I suppose it is about time for a break..." You murmured as you were dragged off by the smaller brunet, thus pulling Tommy along as well.

The three of you sat down in the flower field, placing out a blanket to prevent yourselves from getting covered in dirt, despite knowing that it'll happen anyway. You set out the food Tubbo had packed while the two teenage boys ran around, having fun and, well just being teenagers.

Yes, Tommy got chased by bees.

Tubbo made you, himself and Tommy a flower crown, which you proudly wore, but Tommy was a bit more hesitant which you eventually made him get over by giving him a begging look. Yours was a bunch of (f/f) varying with colours, Tubbo's was a variety of yellows and white flowers, while Tommy's was mostly red and white.

While you three enjoyed your small picnic, you were all completely unaware of the fleeting bees, closing flowers and scattering animals. It was only when Tubbo's ears began to flick oddly did he lift his head, "I think there's a storm quickly approaching..."

You lifted your head and rose your arm to block the sun from your eyes to look at the quickly darkening clouds, "Oh damn, yeah we gotta go find shelter. Like now." You hurriedly grabbed your bag and began shoving the foot containers in it while Tommy and Tubbo packed everything else up too.

Despite your best efforts, you three quickly got caught in the downpour of rain and became absolutely drenched in rain by the time you found a small and shallow cave to hide in. "Aw fuck... Absolutely perfect! Sam said it wasn't gonna rain todaaaaay!" Tommy whined dramatically as he slumped against the stone wall.

You sighed and began pulling out the blanket again, knowing very well that you'd all be here for a while. When Tommy stopped whining about how he thought it was gonna be perfect weather, he helped Tubbo with starting a fire so you could all dry your sweaters that you had been wearing.

The two boys plopped down on the blanket on either side of you, Tommy hiding his head on your shoulder while Tubbo was curled up with his head against your lap, (After asking for permission of course) trying their best to drown out the sound of the sounds of the booming thunder.

After a few moments, you used the consistent pattern in the rain to keep beat before beginning to hum a soft tune while you ran your fingers through their damp hair.

Slowly, Tommy and Tubbo fell asleep, leaning against you while you hummed along to the rhythm of the storm...

Neither Route - Left the Game

Your house was quite out of the way from the Prime Path and Snowchester, in fact, quite possibly even closer to the Tundra. (In this route.)

Meaning that you were pretty far out of the way from everyone except for Ranboo, Phil and Techno. Which prevented both Tubbo and Tommy from coming around often, meaning Ranboo and Phil had to help you with a lot.

You felt bad because you didn't know either of them too, too well, but at least you knew you would definitely be getting better.

Ranboo actually had no problem helping you with your injuries, although he had to carefully write down what he gave you and when.

During your road to recovery, Ranboo and Tubbo's relationship became incredibly worse as the goat hybrid became even more manipulative and violent.

You became a personal therapist and babysitter for him and Michael, in return for him helping take care of you.

Speaking of Michael, the reason Ranboo hadn't joined you on the mining trip was because Phil had finished making a potion that would allow Michael to survive in the Tundra.

Tubbo and Tommy's violent habits had quickly doubled over the time when they couldn't see you, but luckily for you, the one time they did try to visit, Techno had come with Phil to meet you.

They ran out immediately.

Yes, Techno asked you about how you felt about anarchy.

Whether or not you joined the Syndicate is up to you.

Ranboo then told Techno and Phil about how Tubbo and Tommy were obsessed with you, and that your life was possibly in danger.

Technoblade only said that he had no way to help you, but Philza's fatherly instincts kicked in and he wanted to protect you both from the two boys he raised.

Once you got all healed up your burns scarred over, Phil and Ranboo already had an idea of how to keep you both and Michael safe.

It was highly risky and would leave you with only one life until you come back to the DreamSMP.

Phil was going to give you access to his Hardcore server.

Both you and Ranboo had a long and serious talk about it, but then remembered he was literally rich. He had dozens of totems!

Techno made you three totem pendants for you to wear around your necks, so you wouldn't always have to hold the totems.

(Philza asked his wife, Kristen the Goddess of Void and Death, to keep an extra close eye on you three and make sure if any of you do die, it's incredibly quick and painless.)

Standing in front of Phil, your bags filled with everything you would need to survive in the hardcore world, you watched as the centuries-old avian scanned you three up and down.

"I'll ask you both one final time." He sighed after he deemed all of your equipment and armour worthy. The blond fatherly figure stood in front of you and Ranboo as you held Michael with a glowing green orb in his hand, "Are you sure? There are no respawns when you run out of totems."

"Yes. It'll be much safer than the DreamSMP..." Ranboo murmured quietly, quickly scrawling as much as he could fit into his memory book before he forgot anything, "Even if it isn't permanent... We just need to run."

When Phil turned to you, you couldn't help but take a deep breath, "Yeah," You murmured, shifting the young piglin child on your hip, "I'm sure. Thanks again Philza... We really needed to be somewhere where they wouldn't find us..."

"I'll check up on you both once a week. Remember, travelling through servers will disorient you for quite a while and you quite probably won't understand where you are at first-"

"(Y/n)!!!" An angry yell came from the forest, and you turned your head just in time to see Tommy and Tubbo running in your direction.

You and Ranboo hurriedly whipped your head to face Phil again, but he seemed to have caught on before you both as there was a portal swirling with greens and golds beside him, "Go! Now! I'll see you both tomorrow! Remember, you can take anything you need to increase the chances of your survival!"

Ranboo got over his shock much quicker than you did because he grabbed your arm and leapt through the portal, bringing you and Michael along.

Ranboo Beloved left the game.

(Y/n) (L/n) left the game.

Michael Underscore-Beloved left the game.

#tommyinnit #tommyinnit x reader #dream smp x reader #yandere tommyinnit #yandere tommyinnit x reader #yandere tubbo x reader #yandere tubbo #ranboo #ranboolive #dsmp #tommyinnit dreamsmp #tubbo dreamsmp #ranboo dream smp #tommyinnit dream smp #tubbo dream smp #c!tommyinnit #c!tommy #c!tubbo #c!ranboo

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onlyfreds · 3 years

Text

He's a Simp | F.W.

Title: He's a Simp

Requested: Yes/No

Summary: Fred is a simp when it comes to Hogwart's most popular girl: Y/N L/N

A/N: This is absolutely the first time that I wrote the whole fic through Fred's POV.

(Fred’s POV)

“Finally!” George said as he hopped off the couch, stretching a bit, “What took you forever? I’m starving.”

I rolled my eyes at him, flipping him off, “Don’t be overdramatic. I only took five minutes.”

George scoffed, “Whatever, let’s go. I’m hungry.”

The two of us then headed down to the Great Hall then we sat down next to Ginny.

“What took you two so long?” She asked as she took a bite out of her toast.

“Oh nothing.” George said, filling his cup with pumpkin juice, “Fred just wanted to make sure that he looked good for his favorite girl.”

I felt my cheeks heat, “I did not!”

“Yes, you did!”

“I did not!”

“Yes, you did!”

“I did not!”

“Can we at least eat breakfast first before you two argue?” Ron said impatiently, cutting off the argument.

“Who’s Fred’s favorite girl anyway?” Harry asked.

Hermione looked at him, “You seriously don’t know?”

Harry shook his head.

“His favorite girl is none other than Y/N L/N.” George said, teasingly nudging my shoulder.

Harry still looked confused, “Who?”

“Miss Popular!” Ron said through a mouthful of food.

“She’s the most intelligent.” Hermione said.

“The kindest, the sweetest, the prettiest, the hottest, the sexiest and the most amazing person in school.” I said, smiling dreamily.

“Aaw.” Ginny cooed, “Look at that, Freddie’s in love.”

George chuckled, “In love? He’s whipped for her. He’s basically a simp!”

“And, here she comes now.” Hermione said with a small smile.

As if on cue, Y/N came in with Angelina and Alicia.

At that moment, the world seemed to fall into slow motion, the way her eyes seemed to almost disappear behind her smile. Her laugh was a tune that came straight from heaven.

I wondered what it would be like if I made her laugh, if I was the cause of her laughter.

I wondered, as I always did, what it would be like to hold her, hug her, kiss her, love her so freely and openly to show the whole world how lucky I am to have her in my life. To call her mine.

I felt Ginny gently tap my chin, “Fred, you’re obviously gaping at her and you’re literally drooling.”

I could feel the blush rising up to my cheeks as I wiped the spit off my chin.

“Seriously Freddie.” Ginny said, smacking Ron’s hand away as he tried to reach for her toast, “Why don’t you ask her out? She’s really nice.”

George snorted, almost spewing his pumpkin juice on Harry, “Ginny, before Fred could utter a single syllable in front of Y/N he would’ve already melted just by looking at her.”

“Yeah.” Hermione said with a small giggle, “Fred would do absolutely anything Y/N would tell him.”

Harry laughed, “That’s how much he’s whipped for her.”

“Mate, he’s practically wrapped around her finger.” Ron said.

Harry leaned forward, “You better get a move on mate. Before someone else beats you to it.”

George and I were walking back from the library, having finished researching for one of my products when I heard someone calling me.

“Hey Fred! Wait up!”

I turned and my heart skipped a beat when I saw that Y/N was the source of the voice.

“H-hi, what’s u-up?” I asked, praying that the blush could only be mistaken for the heat.

She gave a small smile, handing me a book, “Here, you left this in the library.”

I took the book from her, “T-thanks.”

She nodded, “I’ll see you around.” Then she headed back inside the library.

George nudged my shoulder teasingly, “Aaw, somebody’s a simp.”

I flipped him off, “Who wouldn’t be? Just look at her.”

He tried to reach for the book Y/N handed me, but I swatted his hand away, holding the book close to my chest.

George scoffed, “You really are obsessed.”

News about the Yule Ball traveled around Hogwarts spread like wildfire. Now guys were asking their dream girls left and right.

Ron was planning on asking Hermione, Harry was too late for Ginny and George had already asked Angelina.

My only problem: How was I supposed to ask Y/N L/N?

I was walking back from the owlery when I overheard a conversation from a bunch of guys I didn’t know.

“Mate, do you already have a date for the ball?”

“No, I was actually planning on asking Y/N.”

“You’d be one lucky guy to date her.”

“She’s literally the girl of my dreams.”

“Come on, whoever gets to marry her. I would be so jealous of.”

My hands immediately clenched to fists at my side as I walked away from the group.

My thoughts were so clouded that I accidentally bumped into someone.

“Oh, sorry.” We both said at the same time.

I looked up and my eyes met the y/e/c ones of Y/N.

“Sorry.” I apologized sheepishly, “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

She gave a reassuring smile, “It’s fine. I was just heading to the owlery.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I had just gone there.”

Y/N was already halfway up the stairs when an impulsive and possibly rash decision made me call after her, “Hey Y/N!”

She turned around, “Yeah?”

“Will you go to the ball with me?” I asked, immediately regretting my decision and started to brace myself for rejection.

But she just smiled, “I would love to.”

My eyes widened, thinking I’ve misheard her, “Come again?”

She giggled, the sound similar to angels singing, “I said that I would love to go to the ball with you.”

I grinned, “Thanks. I’ll pick you up at eight?”

She nodded, her beaming smile never seemed to leave her lips, “Sounds brilliant.”

I walked back to the common room with a spring in my step, not believing my luck that out of all the people in this school, I was Y/N’s date to the ball.

“Someone’s in a good mood today.” George said.

I grinned, “How couldn’t I be Georgie? The sun’s shining. It’s a beautiful day.”

“Come on.” Ginny said, suddenly interested in the conversation, “We know there’s something going on. So just spill it.”

I smiled, leaning back on the couch, “I asked Y/N to the ball.”

“And?” Ginny and George said in unison.

“She said yes.”

“Yes!” Both of them said, doing a little celebration dance along with the chant, “She said yes! She said yes! She said yes!”

It was honestly the best day of my life.

Christmas couldn’t come any faster.

Next thing I knew, I was already standing at the end of the staircase by the Great Hall.

I fiddled nervously with the end of the jacket the dress robes came with, hoping that Y/N didn’t back out last minute.

I then heard soft footsteps growing louder and louder with each passing moment.

“She’s beautiful.” I heard Angelina say next to causing me to turn around.

My jaw literally dropped when I saw her. She looked like a goddess dressed in a y/f/c gown that fell a bit past her knees with her hair tied up in a half-up half-down look. Giving a shy smile when she saw me staring at her.

“You look absolutely gorgeous.” I said, when she arrived at the bottom of the stairs.

Her cheeks were suddenly painted with a tint of rose pink, “You look quite dashing as well.”

I offered my arm to her, “Ready to party?”

She giggled, taking it, “Absolutely.”

Everyone was looking at us when we entered, I saw George give me a thumbs-up from afar.

We were taking a small break after dancing the night away. Having a drink in a secluded part of the hall.

“What are you doing on the arm of a Weasley, L/N?” An, obviously, drunk Adrian Pucey calls out.

Y/N’s brows furrowed as she answered, “Why? What do you care?”

Pucey gave a drunken laugh, “Shouldn’t you be on the arm of someone better? Like me?”

I was ready to go and teach the guy a lesson on manners when Y/N placed a hand on my arm, “Are you trying to make me laugh Adrian? Whoever told you that you were better than Fred Weasley is talking dragon dung. And I would rather skip the ball than not be on Fred’s arm. So, if you excuse us, we have to go.” She said, dragging me back into the Great Hall.

“I’m so sorry about that.” She apologized, “Pucey could be such a prick at times.”

I paid no attention to her apology, “Do you really mean it?”

She gave me a confused look, “Mean what?”

“What you said. That you would rather skip the ball than be someone else’s date?”

She blushed, “Yeah.”

I couldn’t believe what I heard; has she been waiting for me to ask her this whole time?

“I’ve actually fancied for such a long time.” She admitted, fiddling with a stray strand of her hair.

Have I actually died and this is already heaven?

Y/N was stunned at her sudden confession and started to ramble, “Oh Godric, I’m sorry. I just made things so awkward. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I mean, of course you won’t feel the same. Why would you? I could be so annoying at times and I’m not even that pretty. Besides, I’m sure there are other girls that are way in your league-“

She wouldn’t let me speak, so I did the only thing I knew to shut her up: I crashed my lips onto hers.

I rested my hands on her waist as she rested hers on my shoulder.

Once our lungs started to demand for air we pulled away.

“Will you let me talk now?” I asked.

Y/N looked up at me, cheeks painted red, “Yeah. Sure.”

“I love you too.” I confessed, “You did not make things awkward, you made it feel like I was in heaven. You are the prettiest, the hottest, the sexiest girl I have ever laid eyes on. My whole family teases me for being such a simp for you. I am so whipped that I would gladly do anything you ask me to do. So, now all those have been sorted out, will you give me the honor of being your boyfriend?”

She giggled, pressing our lips together in a brief kiss, “That’s the best thing I would ever be: Fred Weasley’s girlfriend.”

There was no denying that Fred Weasley is a simp for Y/N L/N.

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ulalumewitch · 3 years

Text

I’ve had this Elucien fic rolling around my brain for a while and decided to put it out there. No warnings with this one. Just angst and bits of hope for possible futures (I swear I write things other than angst all the time - haha).

Happy Sunday everyone!

Word count: 2,807

Themes: Angst/Hope

Choices

Lucien couldn’t believe it. He could not believe that another Winter Solstice ended in utter ruins because of his mate. Because of his godsdamned mate and he’d had enough. He would end it, and end it now.

“Elain!” He shouted at her retreating figure.

But she pulled the ruby red cloak tighter around her shoulders and quickened her steps. Fresh snow remained mostly untouched on small front lawns and sidewalks of Velaris as he ran from the front door of the Riverside Estate after Elain. Most families and friends likely hunkered down in their homes enjoying fires and brandies and gifts and laughter with no cause to go out walking as the last hours of Solstice crept by entering the darkest hours of night before the dawn.

The longest night of the year. The longest three years of his life. Three years of being both rejected and not rejected by his mate. And he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Would you stop,” he growled as they reached the gate, “You owe me one conversation.”

Elain stopped. Her spine snapped straight. She turned and glared at him, her eyes molten with pure hatred.

Lucien had chosen his words carefully. Tempers he could handle, he’d had enough practice over the centuries with a hot headed High Lord. He could handle master manipulators and sweet talkers. He could handle battle worn generals and courtiers of the most delicate constitution. He could handle gossipers and those genuinely interested in friendship.

But what he could not handle was nothing. He could not handle the looks that went right through him. The unanswered questions. The blank stares. The Solstice presents delicately placed to the side and left alone as if they didn’t exist at all.

“I owe you nothing. Leave me alone.”

“I won’t. You are my mate -“

“I don’t want to be your mate!”

“Then reject me and reject he bond!” Lucien yelled, his voice echoing through the silent night.

The stars glittered in the black sky, now completely clear after the fast moving snow clouds from earlier in the evening had dissipated. It brought just enough snow to coat the city white before moving on. As if the Mother heard every prayer from the younglings of Night Court for a white Solstice, and then granted their wish.

Elain’s nostrils flared and for a moment, the briefest moment, her eyes flashed an emotion he couldn’t quite place but had seen before. And it hit him. She’d possessed the same look of bewilderment when she’d still been sopping wet from the Cauldron’s waters, Nesta clawing at her sobbing. The look of knowing but not knowing.

“Reject it,” he rasped, the fight and fire receding slightly, “Reject it so that I can move on. You think I enjoy this? You think that any of this has made me feel good over the last three years?”

“I didn’t choose you. I didn’t choose any of this. I didn’t want any of this,” she cried.

Lucien took a breath. It was rare he lost control like this. He’d spent centuries honing his reactions and temperament to be the Fox and mold his features and behaviors into whatever he’d needed in order to ferret out information, or to keep his own secrets safe. But he couldn’t do that around her, his mate.

“I didn’t choose you either,” Lucien said.

She flinched, and looked away down the street. She crossed her arms and shivered. Her cheeks flushed a pink as if kissed by two rose petals and once again her beauty struck him like a slap across the face.

“I know you were in love with another male -“

“Stop it -“

“I know you hate being Fae. I know what you did to try and turn yourself human again -“

“I said stop it,” Elain growled through clenched teeth, “Stop it. Why are you doing this?”

“Because I can’t take it anymore,” Lucien stated, willing himself to be calm, to stop shouting.

He needed this conversation. They both did.

“You wouldn’t know this because you refuse to ever speak to me but I was in love once too,” Lucien said and took a step closer to her, “I was in love with a female and planned to marry her. And my - And the High Lord of Autumn had her killed in front of me and I couldn’t save her.”

Elain’s lips parted in a silent gasp. Her brow furrowed. For a moment he thought she might ask a question, but instead she closed her lips and looked down at he ground.

“I didn’t choose to live without her. I didn’t choose to run away to another Court and make a home there. I didn’t choose a life of intelligence work, books, sparring, warring, and everything in between. But we don’t always get a choice, Elain. What we can choose is what we do with the things that happen to us.”

Lucien paused but she remained silent. Because of course she would stay silent. Fine. Maybe it would be easier this way.

“I chose to deepen my friendship with Tamlin and to truly be a part of his Court and I made the best of it. I chose to continue my education of Courts and history and everything in between so that I could help keep the peace as much as possible. I chose to become trained as a warrior so that I could be as strong and prepared as possible for any situation. I chose those things to make the best of my life. I chose not to wallow in the what-could-have-beens for centuries because no one can survive that way.”

Lucien took another step towards her so that they were only a few inches apart. He could see Elain’s breathing had increased slightly. Her arms tightened across her chest. But she did not move away.

“I did not choose to be your mate, no one gets that choice,” Lucien whispered, “But we can choose, together, whether we want to reject this mating bond to try to lessen its effects as much as possible. It will never go away completely, but if we officially reject it then we can at least bury it and move on separately and away from each other.”

“Is that what you want?” Elain whispered, and she glanced up at him, her eyes somehow still sparkling as if the sun reflected in them.

Lucien’s heart ached. It was the first question she’d asked him since asking if he could hear her beat those years ago. And she’d been so broken then, he could barely breathe around the memory of seeing her in such a state. So he told her the truth.

“What I want is for you to talk with me and be honest with me,” he began carefully, “I want to know why the Cauldron and Mother saw fit to pair us together. Do you know that mates are equally matched and often so is their magic, their power?”

Elain glanced away and nodded. She shifted on her feet slightly.

“I’ve done some research on it.”

Lucien leaned closer to her and clasped his hands behind his back. He didn’t need her or those obnoxious bats, whom he knew lurked in the shadows, to think he would touch her. Overbearing babysitters the lot of them, even if their hearts were in the right place.

“No one knows what I’m about to tell you Elain. You could use the information against me and spread it to the Inner Circle, or anyone who might wish me harm, or you could tuck it away for private reflection. But I have much more magic and power than anyone thinks. I only let a very little bit show in the company of others. And since we are mates, I have a theory that you are the same. You only show a small bit of what you are actually capable of and have hidden the rest away. Your sisters are powerful, Elain, and I find it very hard to believe that you would be different. I also think that one of the reasons you are so unhappy is because it scares you. I could help you discover what you’re capable of - learn about it, grow with it, strengthen it, control it, and use it. You were not given a choice to become Fae and I am sorry that neither Tamlin nor I realized what was happening until it was too late. You have no idea how sorry I am. And I am sorry that you lost the love of your life in the process. I’m sorry.”

Elain stared at him. Stared and stared.

Lucien could scarcely breathe. His heart lurched forward in his chest, begging him to tug on the bond, to bring her nearer. To touch her. Kiss her. Love her.

But he forced the instinct down. Even though every beat of his heart echoed, my mate, he shut all of it down.

“There are options other than rejection,” he began slowly, “If you would like, Elain, we could discuss it, but it can’t only be me talking. And if I’m being honest, it kills me that I don’t know you. Feyre used to talk about you all the time at Spring Court when she lived there. And over the past three years I’ve gotten bits from her and Nesta, on the rare occasion I speak with her. But those are their perspectives. I would like to know first hand, about you.”

Elain looked away and cleared her throat, “What is it you want to know?”

Hope sparked in Lucien’s chest. He tightened his hands behind his back. Carefully. He had to tread so, so carefully.

“Well, for starters, I’ve always wondered if there is anything other than gardening you enjoy? What do you like? What are your passions? Your dreams? What makes you happy? Upset? Do you have any religious or spiritual beliefs? Do you enjoy sports? Do you have a favorite season? Hobbies? Preferred genre of music? Books? I want to know about you, Elain, and not from anyone else. I want to experience you. I want to know why the godsdamned universe decided why you and I should be together.”

Elain let out a breath that could have been a laugh or a huff of annoyance. He wasn’t sure which, and it killed him that he didn’t know his mate well enough to know which it was.

“I hate winter,” she whispered and looked up at the sky, “I hate the cold. I never want to be cold again. I’ve had enough of it after living in that godforsaken hovel all those years. Spring has always been my favorite season. Is … how is it there?”

Lucien frowned slightly, “Improving at a glacial pace.”

“I remember the night Azriel and Feyre came to rescue me at Hybern’s camp,” she whispered, her arms tightening around her, “And I remember Azriel holding on to me as I held on to that poor girl and watching in horror as those beast things closed in on my sister. I thought she was dead. And then Tamlin came out of no where and saved her. Saved us. I think of that quite a bit actually.”

Lucien stared at her. What the hell was he supposed to say to that?

“If he needs assistance with his gardens, I could help. I’m bored to tears in winter here and I don’t think the High Lord of Spring should have flagging gardens, do you?” Elain asked and met his eyes then.

Strength shone in them. Her chin tipped up slightly and Lucien lost his breath. A shiver ran along his spine as he realized his assumption on her untapped and hidden power had likely been correct. He did not stare into the eyes of a doe but a Wolf. Of course a godsdamned Wolf would would lurk under her skin. She was an Archeron sister after all.

“No, I don’t think so either. It might help Tam, to have his estate restored a bit,” Lucien suggested carefully, “If you ever wanted to get away from the cold of Velaris during winter, I could arrange it.”

Elain looked away again and whispered, “I’ve been so lonely. I don’t know what to do.”

Lucien frowned as pain wrapped around his heart, and realized with utter horror, it was not his pain but hers. Gods, had she been living with this?

“Elain,” Lucien murmured, “All I’m asking for is to share one meal. One conversation. I’m not suggesting we get mated or married or any of it. Hell, I’m not even asking for a date. I’m only asking for one conversation so that we can both maybe decide if rejecting the bond really is the best thing or if maybe, maybe, there might be something here worth exploring, growing, tending like one of your gardens. No expectations. Just …”

“Just time to decide what kind of choice we want to make with what the Cauldron gave us?” Elain offered quietly.

A breath he didn’t know he’d been holding rasped through his lips. His gold eye whirred. He blinked and golden light swirled around Elain hedged with blush pink and warm vermillion. She looked like a goddess inside the sun, and gods did he want to worship her. But was she worth worshiping? He desperately wanted to find out.

He blinked and his eye showed her as any one would see her once again. Lucien nodded his agreement.

Elain cleared her throat and looked down the street, “I didn’t eat. Did you?”

“Not much, those fools love their drink on holidays,” Lucien offered with a small laugh, “They’re a happy lot though aren’t they?”

Elain shrugged, “I suppose. Are you hungry?”

Warmth spread through his chest. Lucien allowed a smile to touch his lips.

“I could eat.”

“Do you think any of the restaurants are open?” Elain asked.

“You want to have this conversation now?” Lucien asked incredulously.

A smile bloomed across her face. Her rosy cheeks pinked further and he’d never wanted to kiss anyone so badly in his life before.

Elain released her arms and crooked an elbow to him. He stared at the offered arm. Was he dreaming?

“Well, Fox?” Elain asked, “Shall we?”

Lucien’s heart leapt in his chest. He closed the last few inches between them and looped his arm through hers. Suddenly, the weight of a thousand stones of grief and dejection lifted from his shoulders. His heart felt so light he could have wept.

“I know of one restaurant that will be open. It’s not the best, but it’s decent and within walking distance,” Lucien began, “And after this conversation, if you would like to have another - if we would both like to have another - then I can take you to my favorite restaurant. It is in the middle of the largest botanical gardens in all of Prythian.”

Elain raised an eyebrow, “In the middle of winter?”

Lucien grinned at her and winked, “It’s in Summer Court.”

She nodded, “I would like that, if,” and softly cleared her throat, “If we both decide we would like another conversation after tonight that is.”

Lucien nodded, “Very well, Lady Light. Are you cold?”

A small smile. An even smaller snicker.

“A little.”

“Give me your hand,” Lucien offered his free hand to her, palm up.

Elain stared at his open palm. Lucien felt a small lick of pride at how still she became, like a true Immortal creature, she’d mastered the art of preternatural stillness.

Then, she lightly rested her hand against his. Lucien maintained eye contact with her as he closed his fingers around her hand and touched the spark of fire within him. Elain gasped and her eyes widened.

“How did you do that?” She murmured, and a small laugh escaped her, “I’m positively toasty.”

Lucien’s heart fluttered but kept his tone airy, almost bored, “A small bit of magic for me. It’s a gift not everyone possesses. Not many know I can do it. Shall we eat? I’m rather hungry myself.”

Elain nodded, “I would like that, thank you.”

Lucien nodded and let go of her hand but tightened his arm still hooked around hers slightly. He didn’t bother to hide the widening of his smile as she gently squeezed back.

He sent a silent prayer of thanks to the Mother as they walked arm in arm down the street, their tracks the only pair as they made their way away from the High Lord and Lady’s Riverside estate and into Velaris.

Lucien didn’t know what choice she would make in the end. He didn’t know what choice he would make in the end. But at least, for now, there was a sun dawning to end the longest night of the year. And he’d never been happier to see its light.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

#elucien #acotar fanfiction #elain archeron #lucien #angst #possibility

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shorkbrian · 4 years

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Taking the risk of scaring you I must go on w my Tama thirst. I just can find a blog to I welcome my twisted self 😭 so Tama... I just want to kiss every part of him, kiss him through his pants, give hickeys to his thighs and after I use him throatfuck myself (I'm sure he'd go limp), I'd just overstimulate him to the point he isn't shy to be vocal, I'd give his balls, inflated or not, much love!! then I'd beg him to go balls deep in a mating press but I'msureIdwastehisseedasIcanthelpbutrub

Bro I am incapable of being scared, there is no kink shaming here ever!

(What to expect - NSFW, safe, sane, and consensual. You’re hot for Tamaki and he’s BURNING for you babe. Body worship, hickies, throatfucking, overstim. Everything the ask contained basically lol.)

The thing about Tamaki, is that no matter how much he wants, anxiety takes over and stops him in his tracks.

His day is spent thinking of you, your sweet voice, pretty eyes, soft hands.... He’s always so distracted by his thoughts of you, it’s hard to get his job done.

But when he bumps into you, he’s a blushing mess, can barely talk, and usually ends up turning tail and heading somewhere else, just because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s afraid that you think he’s weird, or that he’s weak and limp and can’t compare to the brick houses that are Mirio and Kirishima. That he’s not a real man, can’t even build up the courage to talk to people for more than five minutes without freaking out.

God, you love him though.

So you’ll have to make the first move, have to invite him out for dinner or drinks. At first, he freaks out and shoots you down, stuttering out some excuse that doesn’t make any sense. But it’s obvious that he’s interested in you, so you ask Mirio how to get through to his friend.

Next time, you ask Tamaki to come watch a movie at your house, and Mirio is right there by his side, answering before Tamaki can blush and stumble his way through an apology.

“He’d love to! Friday night?”

Secretly, Tamaki would be thanking the lord for Mirio, but also cursing his existence at the same time. How was he supposed to survive being alone with his crush?

He was going to die.

The movie happened, then another, and then you argued that it was too late for Tamaki to go home, that he should just stay over.

And damn it, Tamaki didn’t know what came over him, maybe he was swayed by your eagerness, maybe it was because he himself was eager and wanting, but he said yes.

You offered to let him borrow a shirt, but it was obvious they wouldn’t fit, so Tamaki walked himself through the five second rule. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 - and then he was stripping off his shirt, even though he felt anxious.

Would you laugh at his body? Mock him for being smaller than other heros? He had some muscle, but he was definitely on the leaner side.

To his relief, you breathed out a little sigh, an “oh-” that had the tips of his ears turning red at your tone of voice.

“Tama... can I-can I touch?”

He felt himself bobbing his head, gulping as you stepped closer, greedy hands rising to his chest.

At first contact, he felt goosebumps erupt down his arms, your fingers slightly cold upon his skin. You flashed him an apologetic smile, before suddenly leaning down, placing a small kiss right below his left clavicle.

Tamaki stuttered out an awkward laugh - he felt like he was short circuiting.

Somehow, the two of you ended up in your bed, in nothing but underwear.

The man was beet red, trying to be respectful and not ogle your chest, drool over your tummy, stare and lick his lips with his eyes fixed on the jewel between your legs, the beautiful flesh covered by thin panties.

But you directed his gaze with a soft hand under his chin, a gentle “Don’t you like how I look?”

And immediately he was bobbing his head yes, staring into your eyes when you smiled down at him, directing his gaze to your body with a wave of your hand, giving him permission to shamelessly gaze at your body.

You were so beautiful, he could look at you forever. Tamaki didn’t even know how he got this lucky, being able to share this moment with you, where you both appraised each other’s bodies with awe.

But you were impatient, crawling forward to gently push Tamaki onto his back. Your eyes flickered up to his as your hands ghosted over his chest, as you leaned down until your lips were mere inches from his skin.

“Is this fine? Tell me what you’re comfortable with.”

And oh god, oh god, this was more than okay. This was everything he could ever want, everything he could ever dream of.

At his enthusiastic nod, his “I’m-I’m good.... please.” You gave him a soft, loving smile, before touching your lips to his chest.

Kisses were placed everywhere, his chest, the quivering flesh of his soft tummy, his delicate shoulders. You peppered his slender throat with soft pecks, grinning when Tamaki unsuccessfully tried to hold back an embarrassing, keening whine when you closed your lips around his adam’s apple.

“Feels good? Tell me.” But he was too shy, shaking his head as his hands found purchase in your hair. He didn’t have the words to explain how you were making him feel.

You huffed at his forced silence, drawing away from giving little smooches, just so you could look at his face. He was sure his cheeks were red, eyes blown out and huge.

“Tamaki, I want you to enjoy this. If you aren’t feeling good, or wanna slow down, tell me. I don’t want to do anything you aren’t okay with, alright?”

Tamaki felt his heart clench a little - you were so careful with him, so tender. He nodded again, trying to find his voice.

“Yes, yes (Y/N)-this is good. I want.....” He held himself back. What if you weren’t comfortable with this? What if you wanted an out? He didn’t want to force you either, he wanted you to enjoy yourself. Right now though, his thoughts felt jumbled, like his brain was rolling around in a hamster wheel.

“What do you want Tama?” Your voice was breathy as you leaned down to whisper in his ear, and Tamaki almost came in his fucking pants when you nibbled at the lobe. His ears were so sensitive, and he was so embarrassed by the way his hips involuntarily shifted when you continued to give his ear attention.

“I want-I want.... um, more? P-Please?” God, his voice kept cracking, he felt like a teenager again, nervous and awkward and scared of rejection.

But you were there to alleviate his fears with a soft laugh, a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”

And then you were kissing down his body, brushing past his boxer-clad erection-oh god.

Down to his thighs, which you parted easily, helped by Tamaki’s eager movements. He wanted to let you have all of him - just as you wanted to give him anything, he wanted to give you everything.

You latched onto a thigh, a few inches above the knee, sucking at the flesh with a smile, tongue circling and patting and it felt good-

Then you moved to a different area, higher up, intent on sucking a beautiful bruise into his pale skin.

Tamaki had to grab the sheets, already close to cumming from the sensation of your lips against his skin. He wanted you so much, you were so perfect. He tried to hold back his voice, keep his moans and gasps and sighs in check, but it was difficult. Still, he didn’t want to weird you out or anything, so he tried his best.

The man really wanted to hear your own voice, hear you talk to him, walking him through what you were going to do to him, what you wanted to do. Wanted to hear you moan and laugh and say his name over and over again until you couldn’t speak.

For now, he was content with watching you suck at his thighs, leaving messy trails of saliva as you got closer and closer to his dick.

You stopped at the hem of his boxers, teasingly licking over the fabric, before scrunching it up with your fingers, letting your nails scratch lightly against his sensitive skin.

“Oh-” Tamaki breathed, before shooting his hand up to cover his mouth, eyes trained on your mouth. You smiled, lifting your eyes to meet his own, and he-

You were so pretty, so beautiful. Tamaki felt so insignificant in your presence, so lucky. How did someone like you find someone like him attractive?

Those thoughts were quickly purged from his mind as you quickly closed your teeth around the skin of his inner thigh, close enough to his cock that when it twitched, it skimmed against your nose briefly. Tamaki had to tear his eyes away from yours, falling back on the bed to grasp at the sheets, breathing hard as he willed himself not to cum.

Working at the skin between your teeth, you sucked at the flesh, swirling your tongue around it, making sloppy little sounds. Tamaki was going to melt, he couldn’t stop thinking about your mouth around his cock, how your pink tongue would feel digging into his slit, drenching the crown, laving over the veins on the underside.

He was gasping now, a hand clutching his naked chest, eyes squeezed tightly shut, legs twitching.

You pulled away with a sultry chuckle, and this was it - Tamaki was going to get his dick sucked, Mirio would be so proud-

But you moved to his other thigh, starting at the knee again, licking and biting at the skin.

Tamaki didn’t know whether to feel frustrated or relieved.

The process was the same, teasing little bites, hard suction to purple the skin. It all felt good to Tamaki, but as you got close to his crotch, he found himself tensing up, wanting to clench his thighs together and rub his cock.

But you were leading now, and he wanted to follow.

Holy fuck, he wanted to touch his cock though. He was aching, boxers getting a little damp where his tip rested against them. Tamaki felt himself twitching, tender and wanting.

He couldn’t stop himself from reaching down, quickly palming over his cock as you got closer with you mouth, using your nails again to roll up the hem of his boxers, to right underneath his balls. They scraped over the globes slightly, and Tamaki’s thighs tried to snap shut, stopped by your body between them.

“Sorry, here, let me?” Your hand covered his own, and he let you move it to the side, unable to stop his chest from heaving. He was so worked up already, he felt like he had just finished running a marathon.

Instead of palming over him with your pretty, soft hands, you brought your lips to the bulge, kissing it quickly, drawing back and giggling when it twitched.

“Oh, please-please touch me.” Tamaki didn’t feel bad about begging at the moment, too caught up in the physical sensations, and you seemed to like his voice.

Without another word, you met his eyes, simultaneously opening your mouth and letting your tongue loll out flat. Still maintaining eye contact, you lowered yourself closer and closer, and Tamaki couldn’t catch a goddamn breath, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight before him.

You were so enthusiastic, licking at his cock through the material of his boxers, grabbing at the fabric with your teeth, pulling it back only to let it go, let it snap against his cock and make him keen. You went from soft, loving kisses to fast licks, closing your lips around part of it and sucking quickly, and Tamaki was losing it.

He was struggling to keep his hips down, to stop himself from thrusting into your face, chasing the heavenly feel of you. It felt so good, he didn’t have words, couldn’t even begin to quantify how he was feeling, other than good good good, and he wanted more.

“Don’t tease, please don’t tease. ‘M so close-” He gasped out, slim hands patting your head quickly, trying to catch your attention as he wiggled underneath your ministrations.

With a laugh, you pulled away, meeting his eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” Thumbs hooking into the waist band oh his boxers, you couldn’t stop yourself from pulling the band, letting it slap down against his skin and make Tamaki jerk and his lungs punch out a gasp.

“Can I take these off?”

“Yes, yes, anything. Just-just touch me please.” He stumbled over his words, face aflame. “But only-only if you w-want.”

“Oh-” you smirked, beginning to shimmy his boxers down his hips, licking your lips when you managed to free his cock. “-I want to touch so bad.”

And then his boxers were off, and you were gripping his cock with your fucking perfect hands, giving him a cursory stroke that was dry and rough but so fucking good.

“You’re so lovely, everything about you is so handsome.” You spit over his cock, and Tamaki fisted his fingers into the sheets as the saliva hit the head before dripping down his length.

You used your spit to slick him up, running your hands gently over his flushed cock, enjoying the squelching sounds.

Tamaki almost died when you put him in your mouth.

Lips pursing around the head, you twirled your tongue over his skin, lapping at the slit, digging underneath the rosy crown. Tamaki barely had time to process the sensation though, because you were sheathing his entire length down your throat.

“Oh-h god!” he yelped, hips bucking upwards before he could stop them. He felt so bad, you gagged a bit and drew off his cock, coughing. “I’m-I’m so sorry! I d-didn’t mean-”

“Do that again, fuck my throat Tamaki.” You rasped, immediately swallowing him down again.

What if he hurt you? What if-

He didn’t get the chance to be anxious.

You didn’t like how he wasn’t moving, his muscles tensed as he kept his hips still. Taking it upon yourself, you began bobbing your head, up and down, and Tamaki wanted to cry because it felt so good.

“I don’t w-want to hurt you, oh god, please wait!” He yelped, and you immediately pulled off, spit dripping down your chin.

“Hey, hey, don’t worry.” You breathed, patting his hip comfortingly. “I want you to do this Tama, I’ve practiced. No gag reflex, see?” You grabbed his hand, curling his fingers until only two were held straight, and promptly stuffed them into your mouth, pushing at his wrist so his fingers went as far down as possible.

Tamaki’s throat had never been dryer. It’s like he couldn’t speak, only dumbly nod his head as he felt your throat convulse around his fingers, all wet and velvety smooth.

You pulled his hand away, licking seductively at his fingers before letting go. “I want you to fuck my throat, please.” You were looking at him with such honesty, such desperation. “I want to suck you off and have you cum down my throat, want it to fill up my stomach Tama.”

The ravenette could barely nod, eyes glassy, chest heaving. He wanted that so bad, you sounded like a vixen, looked like one two, batting your eyelashes at him like that.

You settled between his thighs again, giving his cock a nice, lengthy lick on the underside before fixing Tamaki with a confident stare. “Don’t hold back, I want you to feel good.”

He was already feeling good, but if you insisted.

Cautious at first, hesitant, Tamaki was afraid of pushing too deep, moving too fast. But you grew impatient again, moving your own head while tapping his hip, encouraging him to speed up.

And he did, a bit, but he was still measuring his thrusts, trying to keep his head steady despite the tight suction of your throat.

You grabbed his hands, guiding them to your head, pressing them flat so he could hold your head. You looked up at him, completely stilling your movements, forcing your mouth as wide as it could go, fixing him with the most intense gaze.

Tamaki got the message.

He gripped your head tight, kept you in place before snapping his hips up, and you closed your eyes, as if you’d finally got what you had wanted.

It’s like his restraint flew out the window, now that he was confident that you wanted this, sure that it wasn’t hurting you. His balls slapped against your chin, a lewd rhythm of smacks and gurgles and wet sucking coming from your mouth.

Drool was dripping off your chin, onto his balls, over his taint. When the liquid touched his hole, Tamaki shouted, eyes suiting shut as his stomach flexed. He felt so good, this was more than he had ever dreamed of, more than he could've ever imagined.

And then he was cumming, probably far too soon, but you wouldn’t make fun of him, he knew that. He cursed, holding you flush against his hips, cock twitching against your tight throat as he shot his seed down your throat.

A few last desperate rocks of his hips, and then he was pulling you off, tiredly patting you face as you coughed.

“Are y-you okay?” And you, the angel you were, smiled, giving him a cheesy thumbs up.

“Couldn’t breathe for a second there, but that comes with the territory. Did that feel good though?”

Tamaki nodded, eyes closing blissfully. You were too good to him, too good for him.

Where did he go from here? Should he offer to finger you? He didn’t know how, he never thought he’d be in a situation where he’d be naked in bed with anyone, let alone you, a literal walking wet dream.

“You’re so quiet Tama-” You noticed, a hand stroking over his quivering tummy as he calmed down from his orgasm. “-I kinda want to hear you.”

With that confession, your mouth was on his cock again, slurping and suckling at the sensitive length.

“A-h-h! W-wait! God that’s too-fuck, no, wait!”

You pulled off quickly, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. “I’ll stop if you want me to, I’m not gonna force you to do anything, ever, okay?”

Tamaki nodded, cheeks flushing. “I just need... a moment. You’re-you’re good with your mouth.”

A smile graced your lips, and you tilted your head. “I still wanna hear you though, you’ve been holding back your voice this entire time. I like it when you lose yourself.”

Another nod, the man biting his lip. ‘I just don’t want to-to scare you off or anything. I’m loud, and I sound-I mean....” He averted his eyes bashfully “-My voice can get kind of-of h-high.”

That was embarrassing to admit.

You didn’t miss a beat, clambering forward until you were laying beside him, face even with his own. “But I like that Tama, I think it’s sexy when you lose control like that.”

The admission made Tamaki gasp, blushing even further, and you leaned in for a kiss, which the man eagerly returned.

“I-I think you’re sexy too.” Was his lame reply. He wished he was better with his words, could describe how amazing and beautiful and stunning you were.

Your hand fell to his cock, drawing him out of his self-doubt. You were pumping him gently, focusing more attention on his balls, lightly pinching the skin, massaging the flesh, before giving him another stroke.

“I wanna see you cum again, and this time, you’re gonna moan nice and loud for me, yeah?”

Again, you were whispering in his ear, biting at the shell, liking over the cartilage with your warm, slippery tongue.

Tamaki drew in a breath.

“And I don’t want you holding back any of your cute sounds. If you do, I’ll have to make you cum again and again until you’re too fucked out to feel self conscious.” The promise made Tamaki’s stomach burn hot with arousal, and his cock was starting to throb again, hastened along by your helping, smooth hand.

“I’ll-I’ll try.” He whispered, voice catching in his throat. He could imagine it now, him writhing in overstimulation as you sucked at his cock, holding his hips down as he cried and shivered and moaned about how good it felt.

“Then, I’m gonna finger myself while you watch, and when I’m nice and ready, you’re gonna fuck me.”

Tamaki felt like passing out, blood rushing down to his cock so fast that he felt all fuzzy and weak.

“I’m gonna lay back, and hold myself open, and you’re going to stick your pretty little cock deep, and you’re not gonna stop until you cum inside.”

The ravenette had never been felt more turned on in his entire life.

“Sound good?” Your voice was soft, sweet. he knew that you were giving him an opportunity to say no, to express any discomfort or unease he felt.

But Tamaki only felt lust.

With a sudden surge of confidence, he turned to his side, lips seeking out your own. He kissed you desperately, eagerly, probably clumsy but he didn’t care.

When he separated, he paused for a moment, breathing against you while he tried to find words to convey his excitement.

“Ruin me, (Y/N). Make-make me cry.”

#long one shot #consensual #tamaki amakiji #bnha tamaki #tamaki headcanons #tamaki smut #amajiki x y/n #amajiki tamaki x reader #fluffy #sweet #safe #and #sane #wholesome #bnha smut

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sarah-bae-maas · 3 years

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Gwyn wants to explore, and Azriel needs a friend - a Gwynriel fic - Part 2

A fic where Gwyn strikes a deal with Azriel, but neither are ready to deal with the consequences.

This is a long finale, so buckle up and get ready. Also, the formatting will most definitely be better on Ao3. In my experience, tumblr struggles with anything over 20k words, and this well and truely goes over that. Happy reading!

Part 1 Masterlist Ao3

***

PART 2

The days blurred together for him. He stood there well after she had gone. Long enough that Cassian came to find him, leading him back into the House. Azriel knew Cassian was talking, expressing concern to him, but every time he tried to open his mouth no words came out. Nesta saw him, fear in her eyes, and she rushed away to find Gwyn.

Rhys came at some point, but Azriel ignored him. He didn’t blame Rhys for what had happened between him and Gwyn, but there was a traitorous part of him that couldn’t help but see the look of utter disgust on Rhys’ face when he saw first-hand how much Azriel wanted her and whispered even your brother knows you shouldn’t have her.

Everything was monotonous after that in a way he never could have anticipated. The only time he ever truly felt anything was when he saw Gwyn during training, but she avoided him and he respected her wishes. She must hate him, surely, for rejecting her so callously. Especially when they were so close to sleeping together.

Azriel would happily never touch a woman again if it meant they could just go back to how they were before. The casual kisses, the spooning in bed, the waking up to her teal eyes piercing right through him.

“You have a letter,” Cassian said one day, thwacking the letter onto the table in front of him. “Picked it up in Illyria.”

There was only one person who sent him letters from Illyria, and he eagerly opened the paper to see what was written.

Dear Azriel,

It has been too long, and I miss you dearly. I’ve arranged to come to Velaris to see you for a week next month.

All the love I’ve ever had,

Your mother.

***

“I can only masturbate so much, Emerie!”

“Well then don’t.” She smirked. “Find someone pretty to do it for you. Might I suggest Azriel?”

Both Nesta and Gwyn threw their pillows at her head. “That’s over. Destroyed. Dead. And! Might I add! I’m still very horny!”

They all burst out laughing, which only intensified when Emerie rolled off the bed.

“Oh no, your wine!” Gwyn gasped through her giggles. “It’s okay, I have plenty to share.”

Nesta yoinked the bottle from Gwyn’s hand before she had a chance to drink it straight. Either that or pour it into Emerie’s mouth. Gwyn crawled over to her sister, draping herself across Nesta’s lap.

“You’re such a good friend. You’d never let me get too drunk.”

“You’re far past drunk. Luckily for you, I am sober and able to help you through such a time.”

“I’m okay!” Emerie jumped up with her hands in the air. She leaped back onto the bed and joined Gwyn in Nesta’s lap. “Do you want to borrow Mor? She’s very good at getting rid of the horny.” She wiggled her fingers in Gwyn’s face and spread her wings so that they wrapped around Gwyn and Nesta, her legs hanging off the side of Nesta and Cassian’s bed.

“Pimping out Morrigan is probably not a good idea,” Nesta scolded.

“No, not like that!” Emerie pouted. “She is very good though. She does this thing with her tongue that is,” she kissed her fingers like a chef, “amazing.”

Gwyn loved that Emerie was so happy. Approximately a month after the end of her and Azriel, Emerie had sat down her and Nesta and told them she was in love with Mor. Gwyn was elated, and Nesta tried her best to be. It was harder for her. She had such a bitter past with Mor, and Gwyn worried for a moment that Emerie and Mor being together might cause a schism in their group. But to her relief, there was nothing Nesta wouldn’t do for Emerie, and she banished any ghosts between her and Mor. The two were nearly even friends, and it made Cassian’s life easier.

Not that there was any question between who he would choose between. His mate would always win those battles.

Gwyn was also jealous. Not of Mor, but of what Emerie had with Mor. She dreamt of that kind of reciprocated love, of the unrelenting devotion that Mor showed to Emerie.

Gwyn sighed. “Azriel let me sit on his face whenever I wanted. He used to gobble me right up.”

A new round of laughter burst from the group, and Gwyn was happy that she could share this secretive part of her life with them. It had taken her weeks to sit them down and tell them what happened. Or, more accurately, they were so worried about her that they stole her away from the library and begged to know why she was so sad. Nesta had tried in those initial days, but she just waved her off and begged not to ask. Besides, Nesta didn’t need Gwyn to tell her what had happened for her to know. Nesta went from blabbering about them all raising their babies together to watching Gwyn fall apart, Azriel nowhere to be seen.

It had lasted less than two months, yet he felt as much a part of her as her freckles, her hands, her smile.

“Okay okay, I think that’s enough. Bed time for us.” Nesta ushered them off her lap and put their pillows back at the head of the bed. Nesta helped a stumbling Emerie to the bathroom, and Gwyn wiggled into her usual place to wait for her sister to return. Her eyes were already starting to droop, and by the time Nesta and Emerie climbed into bed, she was half-asleep.

Nesta was in the middle, and both Emerie and Gwyn snuggled in close to her. Nesta stroked their hair, willing them to sleep, and Gwyn dozed off with the dream of Nesta and Catrin morphing together.

***

“I just wanted to say goodnight, Sweetheart.”

Gwyn stirred awake, a headache starting to throb. Cassian’s voice woke her, but it was still dark enough that it surely was the middle of the night. He must have been returning from the job Rhys had sent him and Azriel on.

“Goodnight, my love,” Nesta whispered, her voice dripping with unbridled affection.

Half-awake, half-drunk Gwyn was annoyed at the intrusion to their sleep over, and burrowed further into the blankets, her grip on Nesta tightening. She could hear the quiet snore of Emerie from the other side of Nesta, the sound oddly comforting.

“Do they always sleep like that?”

She stiffened at the voice of Azriel. They had barely spoken since their timely demise, and she was still drunk enough to get angry instead of sad at his presence.

“Yes, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Nesta’s arm was around her as Gwyn squished herself into Nesta’s side.

“We’ll leave you to it,” Cassian murmured.

“Don’t do that,” Azriel hissed.

Gwyn was tempted to open her eyes and see what was happening, but she didn’t want to interrupt the moment. She heard feet shuffling, and Azriel’s voice sounder closer when he spoke again.

“Don’t lean over Gwyn like that. You’ll scare her if she wakes up and sees some male standing over her.”

A pause in the room. Gwyn felt Nesta press a kiss to the top of her head.

“You’re right. Sorry. Goodnight, Nes.”

“Night Cas. Night Az.”

***

Gwyn left choir practise with her heart feeling heavy. Usually, singing would uplift her more than anything else, but as of late she struggled to do anything but drag her feet from one task to the next.

Nesta was at her side as much as possible and it made Gwyn feel awfully guilty. Gwyn didn’t eat dinner very often at the House anymore in an effort to make Azriel feel comfortable. She knew that they had told each other they were friends, best friends even, but she didn’t want him to feel like she was forcing her presence on him.

She also had not been sleeping well, at all, but she brushed the memories of her dreams aside before they overtook her.

“Gwyn!”

Speaking of Nesta, Gwyn turned to see her friend waving at her from across the library, a cart full of books at her side. Gwyn didn’t realise Nesta was working this evening and went over to help her put the books away.

“How was practise?” she asked.

“It was nice. Lunathina gave out the solos for our next performance. I didn’t get one. She said that my attitude wasn’t right.”

“Oh Gwyn, I’m sorry. I know you really wanted one.”

“Eh, it doesn’t matter. There’s always next time.” Gwyn shrugged and got to work, prearranging the books in the cart and putting them into alphabetical order so that Nesta could put them away as groups.

“I was thinking maybe you would like to come to the House tonight. It misses you.”

That put a small smile on her face. “How do you know?”

“It still sets out a meal for you or gives us an extra drink like you’ll appear to have it. It’s been sad, Azriel banished it from his room so it wants to give everyone else a bit of extra love.”

Gwyn raised a brow. “What do you mean, Azriel banished the House from his room?”

“It’s something we do sometimes, just ask it to leave for a little while so we can have some privacy, and then it’ll come back in the morning to make sure the fires are lit and our rooms are clean. Never for long though, and it’s been weeks for Azriel. Before you ask why, I genuinely don’t know.”

Gwyn bit her lip, contemplating Nesta’s words. She couldn’t help the worry she felt for Azriel, even if it was over something as silly as not having an omnipresent being clean his room for him. “I only ever see him at training, and we don’t speak. Is he okay?”

Nesta had her back to Gwyn as she put more books on the shelf. “Honestly? I have no idea. Azriel can hide his emotions better than anyone else I know. Cassian is concerned, though. He said it reminds him of how he used to act whenever Mor would sleep with other men to drive him away. But even then he said that usually this mood would only last for a few days before he stopped, and now it’s been over a month.”

Gwyn and Azriel had spoken extensively on his history with Mor – how Azriel had loved her for so long, and it wasn’t until after the war with Hybern that he finally felt like could move on – and now it was evident why she could never love him back. Mor being with Emerie explained something Gwyn could never understand, which is how Mor could possibly not return his love. She understood now that Mor could never hold those romantic feelings for a male, nor spend physical time with Azriel without breaking his fragile heart. It was an awful situation that lasted far longer than it needed to.

Gwyn secretly thought that perhaps Azriel knew deep down Mor would never love him, and that was why he held on so tightly to the idea of her. Maybe, subconsciously, he vied for females he knew ultimately he couldn’t have as a way of protecting himself from having something real – something that could hurt.

Or maybe Gwyn thought that to excuse how she wasn’t enough to make him love her.

“And he hasn’t talked about his feelings to anyone? Not even Cas?”

“Cassian said that Azriel has never really been the one to talk about how he’s feeling. He and Rhys have struggled with it their entire lives. It’s like Az just shuts down and then – wait, oh, Gwyn, I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t be talking about Az so much.”

Gwyn wanted to hug her for being so considerate. Then hit her over the head for not having better intel on Azriel.

“It’s fine, really.” Gwyn considered Nesta’s words. Gwyn had told Azriel that they were friends, and she felt like an awfully neglectful friend right now. Because the thing was, Gwyn never struggled to get Az to speak about how he was feeling. They were unbelievably honest with each other, and she didn’t think about how her absence might feel if he had no one else to share himself with.

He had trusted her with his heart, and she’d left it on the floor when she’d walked away from him all those nights ago.

“I’ll come to dinner, Nesta.”

***

Azriel flew back to Velaris, enjoying the feel of the wind on his face as he soared through the skies. It was the only time he ever felt at peace. Once, he would say that the sky and his bed were his only refuges, but he had thoroughly managed to taint one of those spaces with his own inferiority and weaknesses.

He had a report to give to Rhys, and he planned on roaming the skies again for a while. He didn’t want to go out for dinner, but he also didn’t want to eat sitting across from Nesta and Cassian as they studied and pitied him.

He let himself into their mansion, following the playful shrieks of Nyx to find his High Lord and Lady. Rhys and Nyx were in Nyx’s designated play room, and Rhys was lying on his back holding Nyx in the air, the baby flapping his little wings and pretending to fly. Feyre was nowhere to be seen, and his shadows informed him that she was napping after Nyx had a bad night’s sleep.

“Look who it is!” Rhys cooed at Nyx. “It’s crabby Uncle Az here to grace us with his presence.” Rhys turned Nyx in Azriel’s direction, and Azriel had to admit, some of the heaviness he’d been feeling dissipated at the sight of Nyx grinning at him. At least someone was happy to see him.

Azriel threw the report haphazardly on a desk and picked Nyx right out of Rhys’ grasp, bringing the boy to his chest. He was a real chuncker, and Azriel would be surprised if he didn’t start walking within a few weeks. Nyx’s little hands grabbed at Azriel’s nose, giggling furiously as he tried to steal it right off Azriel’s face.

“You know, it’s rather rude to steal someone’s child,” Rhys said.

“You’ll live.”

Azriel pressed a quick kiss to Nyx’s forehead and handed him back, feeling surprisingly longing as he looked at Rhys with his child.

He turned to leave, but Rhys’ voice stopped him. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

Azriel didn’t turn to look at his brother but did stop walking. “I’ve been busy.”

“Not so busy that you haven’t had time to come see us for weeks. Do you want to stay? Feyre misses you.”

“Feyre has a family to keep her occupied.” Azriel turned the knob to the door, and he felt an invisible hand clutch his ankle before he could take another step.

“I thought maybe you would like to talk about things.”

Azriel’s shadows flared around him at the implications. Where they were once silent, they know constantly buzzed with information on her.

She’s barely sleeping. She works from sun up to sun down, and if she’s not in the library she’s training. She only sings if she’s in choir practise, no longer humming as she walks. She only eats one meal a day-

Azriel had to consciously push the information away any time his shadows tried to swarm him with it. He didn’t want to know how much he’d done the one thing he swore he never would – hurt her.

The only thing that stopped him from running to her and begging on his knees for her to give him another chance was the knowledge that, with time, she would heal. And she would give her love to someone far more deserving, someone far better than him.

Fuck. He’d hurt her. He’d hurt her so badly and he fucking hated himself for it.

“I don’t know what you’re referring to, but I’m leaving. Nesta and Cassian are expecting me.” The lie came easily.

“Az,” Rhys’ voice was strained, “please stay.”

“Goodbye.”

“I saw how you looked at her at the restaurant. I know you love-”

“Shut up, Rhys,” Azriel snapped. He regretted it the moment he saw how wide Nyx’s eyes went at the sudden loud noise, and his chest filled with pain as the babe’s lower lip jutted out and his mouth started to crinkle the way it would before a cry.

“Nyx, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be so loud.” He looked at Rhys for permission to take Nyx from his arms, grateful when his brother nodded and handed him over.

Nyx was cooing within no time, and Azriel scolded himself for acting in such a way in front of the baby. He cradled Nyx to his chest, and not for the first time, he was nearly overtaken by the envy he had for his brothers. Rhys had a whole family, a mate and child, and he didn’t need anyone else. Cassian had Nesta, and Azriel doubted it would be long before they too split away to make a real family. Even Mor was now with Emerie, and had confided in him that she thought they were mates, she was just waiting for it all to click into place.

The perfect circle that was Azriel’s family was being cut into perfect slices, and soon, he would be on his own.

“I’m sorry I yelled, Nyx,” Azriel said again, hoping the little boy could understand his remorse. He didn’t know if it was a good sign, but Nyx closed his little eyes and started to doze, his fist bunched in Azriel’s flying leathers.

“Azriel.” Rhys came and put a hand on his shoulder, and Azriel had to make a conscious effort not to shake it off. “I said some stuff about Gwyn that I never would have if I had known. I didn’t realise that she was acting different because she was with you, and I’m so, so fucking sorry.”

“You didn’t believe me when I told you to let it go. I know you opened a formal investigation about her behind my back.”

“How did you-”

“Which you did after she came to that restaurant with us. Let’s not pretend that if it hadn’t come up empty you wouldn’t be gloating about being right.” Azriel carefully handed Nyx back, the baby stretching his arms up at the disturbance but staying asleep.

“I had a duty to fulfil, Azriel. Good reasons to check. Now I know there’s no threat, and we can all move on.”

Azriel sighed, pinching his nose. “You can move on. I can clean up the messes you left behind to make sure she never knows about this.”

Azriel later pondered Rhys’ words, wondering how and when the bond with his brother had become less familial and more hierarchical. When he finally flew into the House of Wind, he could hear the gentle voice of Gwyn as she ate with Nesta and Cassian, and Az felt an overwhelming sense of relief that she was back in the House. Not wanting to disturb them, he went to his room, burying himself in his bedding.

***

Azriel waited patiently at the House of Wind, knowing Cassian would arrive with his mother soon. Usually, they would have stayed in the townhouse, but Azriel was feeling petty enough that he didn’t want to reside in something owned by Rhys, nor ask him if he could use it.

Not that that stopped his brother from invading the kitchen. He was stoically standing with his arms crossed over his chest, his usual prim High Lord outfit matching Feyre’s. She was talking with Nesta and Mor, Nyx crawling around their skirts. Even Emerie was here.

One person was notably missing. The one person Azriel truly wanted here.

He heard the familiar sounds of Cassian’s wings beating and a twinkled laughter that could only belong to one. Some of the tension eased in him at the sound, and for the first time in a while, he looked forward to the coming days.

His mother was proper as she walked in, her back straight and shoulders back. She still wore the standard uniform of a maid. It was not the same one he’d grown up seeing her wear. No, she had not donned the dress of his father since Rhys had become High Lord.

Azriel had invited her many times to come live in Velaris, but after constant declines, he learned to stop asking.

Her face became radiant when she saw him and she rushed to his side. She was nearly as tall as him, and she always used it to her advantage to baby him. He happily welcomed it, hugging her tightly as she peppered kisses to his face like he was a toddler.

“Oh baby boy, I missed you.”

Az scrunched his nose, leaning away to inspect her. She looked healthy. She looked happy. That was enough.

Her assessment of him was not so glowing. As she looked over his sunken face and glaring shadows, concern laced itself into her joy. “Have you been eating?” she asked, ever motherly.

“Yes.”

“And sleeping?”

“Yes.”

She turned to Rhys and Cassian. “Is that true?”

Rhys answered yes the same time Cassian said no, and Azriel slid that into his mental notes for later so that he could reprimand Cassian for worrying his mother.

Before his mother could say anything else, he spread his arms to present her to the room. “Mother, I would like to introduce you to High Lady Feyre.”

Feyre stepped forward, excitement glittering all over her. Feyre was eager to meet his mother, wanting to have any shred of past that the Illyrian males she called her family could offer. And after all, she was the only one of their mothers who was still alive.

Azriel’s mother approached her, taking Feyre’s hands in hers. “Hello, sweet one. It is lovely to meet you.”

“And you.” Feyre squeezed her hands back before turning to Nesta and Emerie. “This is my sister Nesta and our friend Emerie-”

“The first females in the Bloodrite, and one of the few winners. How could I not know who you are?” Azriel’s mother beamed at them, and Nesta stepped forward to shake her hand. Azriel thought it rather endearing. Nesta wasn’t the biggest fan of touching unless it was with those whom she loved, and another small part of him eased to see his dear friend making an effort with his mother.

“Welcome to our home,” Nesta said. “Cassian, Azriel and I hope you find it to your liking.”

“In all my years I’ve never made it up to the foreboding mansion of the mountains. I’m excited to see the place that Rhys’ mother spoke so fondly of.” She turned and opened her arms to Cassian and Rhys, the former enthusiastically throwing himself into her arms. If there was one thing you could always count on Cassian for, it was unparalleled affection. Azriel’s mother laughed lightly at his antics. Cassian was acting like he hadn’t just flown her all the way here from Illyria.

Rhys eased her away from Cassian, giving her a hug of his own. Azriel could hear his mother speaking, “You have made yourself such a beautiful family my dear, congratulations,” but chose to instead turn away and approach Feyre, who had picked up Nyx in the anticipation of shoving him into Azriel’s mother’s arms.

Mor greeted her next, and Azriel ignored their conversation in lieu of brushing non-existent dust off the surfaces in the House. Mor and his mother speaking always made him feel unnerved, like it was two untouchable parts of his life colliding together. There was the childhood part of him – the dark rooms and the pain and the dehumanisation – and then there was the version of himself that he became after his mother made the ultimate sacrifice in sending him away – the cursed warrior with scarred hands but, above all else, power.

“Would you like a tour of the House?” Nesta offered, Cassian walking to her side and putting an arm around her waist. He looked so damn proud of being able to show off his mate that it made Azriel want to dig a very big hole and hide in it, but in the name of his love for them both, he refrained from it.

Feyre had finally squirreled Nyx into his mother’s hands, and she was bumping him up and down to make him laugh.

“Aren’t we waiting?” she asked.

“Waiting for what?” Rhys tilted his head and narrowed his eyes curiously.

“Waiting for Gwyneth.”

The room went silent, and Azriel hated how all their eyes turned to him. Of course they knew of everything. Cassian, Nesta and Emerie unsurprisingly, not that he would have expected nor wanted anything else, but how could he expect Emerie not to tell Mor now that they were lovers? How could he expect Feyre and Rhys not to whisper amongst themselves at his failures?

“I didn’t know you knew of Gwyn,” Emerie said, her smile welcoming but her eyes wary at the mention of her sister.

“Of course, she won the Bloodrite alongside you.”

“Oh yes, of course.” Emerie tapped her head in embarrassment.

“And Azriel talks about her quite frequently.”

“Really?” Rhys practically squeaked from behind them. The sound of a thwack sounded throughout the room. Feyre stood innocently next to Rhys smiling while he rubbed his back.

“Yes.” Azriel’s mother turned to Emerie. “Azriel writes to me every few weeks. He told me of the training you do here with the females. The Valkyrie were the mightiest of warriors, it’s good to see their memory being upheld.” She moved over to Az and pinched his cheek. The hole looked more and more enticing with every minute passed. “The amount he talks about her, you should have seen her cut the ribbon, she was the first to come train, she’s the bravest warrior I have, it’s very clear he has a bias in his students. She must be your favourite, right Azriel?”

Azriel’s face was red at her words. His favourite student, ha! That was one way to put it.

“I’ve been so excited to meet the young lady, will she be here soon?”

Nesta, who Azriel owed his life to in this moment, answered for him. “Gwyn works in the library, mostly as a research assistant. She’s a very hard worker, and unfortunately won’t be able to make it. Perhaps you could come see us train tomorrow.”

“Won’t she be joining us for dinner?”

“Gwyn prefers to stay in the library or House,” Emerie answered. “As we’ll be going into the city, Gwyn will stay here.”

Azriel’s mother looked disappointed at the news, and he tried to remember all the times he had mentioned Gwyn in his letters since he’d met her. Surely it wasn’t that much. The look on his mother’s face though had him doubting himself, and he made another note to himself not to mention her from this day forward.

Suddenly she clapped, any disappointed erasing from her. “I have an idea, let’s just go to her! We can go find her in the library.”

Bombarding Gwyn with his mother in the library? No, absolutely not.

“That’s not possible I’m afraid. Males can’t just enter the library, there’s steps that need to be followed if we want to go in there. You’ll just have to wait until tomorrow, mother.” Azriel would have Nesta warn Gwyn tonight.

“Then I’ll go with Nesta while you ready yourself for dinner. You need to take a shower, dear. And some fresh clothes would do you some good.” She patted him on the head as though she hadn’t just implied that he smelt.

Azriel looked to Nesta, willing them to have their first telepathic moment. Before either of them had the chance to say something, Rhys piqued up from behind them.

“That sounds like a lovely idea.”

***

Gwyn willed herself to remember that she liked reading, but by the Cauldron the historical texts in front of her were boring to the point where her eye lids felt heavy. She was slumped over a desk, her head resting in her hand, and her yawns overtook her whole body. Maybe she went a little too hard in training this morning. But she’d heard some of the women whispering about Azriel’s glorious physique, and she’d had to pummel the shit out of a multitude of things to get the picture of Azriel with other females out of her head. She knew nothing would ever happen between him and anyone she knew, but she had to brace herself for the inevitability that he would move on, if he hadn’t already.

“Is that her?”

“Yes.”

The sound of Nesta’s voice revived her, and she blinked heavily as she turned to look for her.

She was not expecting to see Nesta standing next to an Illyrian female she had never seen before.

She had dark hair and amber eyes, a startingly familiar shade, and carried her wings in the same distinct way Emerie did. They’d been clipped then. She was much taller than Gwyn. She was wearing a tan uniform, and Gwyn could see a hint of scars lacing up her wrist and collar. Under her gaze, the female adjusted her clothes, hiding the ghosts of old injuries from Gwyn.

She must be a new recruit. Gwyn remembered how scared she was when she first came to the library, how isolated and despaired she felt. It had taken many warm welcomes and friendly faces for her to adjust, and she hoped she could be that for this Illyrian.

Taking inspiration from Catrin, Nesta and Emerie, she put the brightest, most loving smile she could manage, trying to exude acceptance.

“Hello there,” she said. She stood up, walking over to Nesta and their new friend. “I’m Gwyn, it’s lovely to meet you.”

The woman said her name in a flurry, rushing forward to Gwyn. Gwyn squashed her exclaim when the new woman pulled her into her arms, hugging her tightly. Gwyn, somewhat shocked that a new resident of the library would so immediately want another’s touch, hugged her back, subtly trying to spit out the hair that had made it into her mouth at the sudden movement.

“You are exactly as I pictured,” she said, her eyes alight as she stepped back and looked Gwyn up and down.

“As you pictured…?”

“Yes, yes. After you won the Bloodrite, many Lords tried to keep secret what had happened. But something like that cannot be swept under the rug. There are stories of you three all through the camps. We would tell them in the kitchen, whisper them in empty hallways, any way someone could spread the word that three females, all of different decent, had won the Bloodrite.”

Gwyn didn’t know how to respond to the knowledge of her new-found infamy.

“You should come to dinner tonight, I would love to hear the story from you three ladies first-hand. My baby boy gave me some of the details but bless his heart he isn’t much of a storyteller.”

“You have a son?” An Illyrian son at that. Had he been in the Bloodrite? Had Gwyn faced him without even knowing? And this woman had left him to be here? Gwyn was horrified at what that meant, what awful event must have befallen her for her to need to leave her life and family to reside in the library.

“Yes, of course I do.”

“Gwyn,” Nesta thankfully interrupted, “her son is Azriel.”

Gwyn stopped dead. “As in my- as in Azriel, Azriel? Azriel who you live with Azriel?” She’d nearly said my Azriel, but that was as inappropriate as it was inaccurate. Azriel wasn’t her anything. Barely even her friend these days.

“I feel like I already know you,” Azriel’s mother said as though this wasn’t a huge revelation. “He speaks incredibly highly of you.”

Gwyn tried to keep the look of utter shock off her face; she wasn’t sure how successful she was. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t recognise you, but I’ve heard so much about you too. Azriel and I used to joke that you and my mother would be the greatest of friends.”

“Well, where is she? I would like to make another friend.”

“Oh, she died. Sorry, I now realise that I made it sound like she was still alive-”

“My dear, you never need to apologise to me.” The look she gave Gwyn was motherhood embodied, and it was every expression Gwyn had seen on her own’s mother’s face time and time again.

“I was hoping you would consider coming to dinner with us tonight. It is of my understanding that you don’t like Velaris very much.”

Gwyn’s breath shuddered, the familiar anxiety at the suggestion of going into the city started to beat through her veins. “It’s not that, I love Velaris. I just – I just, it’s just that.” Nesta looked like she might step in, so Gwyn steeled herself. “Will Azriel be there?” They mightn’t be… whatever the hell they were, but she could do this if he was there.

But what if he didn’t want her there? He might not know his mother was here asking her. What if Gwyn went into the city and needed him and he wouldn’t help her? Ugh, but that was stupid. Of course he would help her. There was not a single part of him that would hesitate if she needed him. But she also didn’t want to take his time away from him. His mother was here after all, and she knew how seldom he saw her.

Azriel’s mother put her fingertips on Gwyn’s temples. “Lots of thoughts going on up here.”

Gwyn nodded.

“I understand your hesitance. There are still places I avoid, even after hundreds of years.”

Gwyn didn’t need to ask why. Azriel had gone into painful detail about his past, and she revered the strength his mother had in the sacrifices she’d made for him, for her endless love for the son she could have dismissed.

“My son will be there. It’s my understanding that the entirety of the group he has for himself will be, including your Nesta and Emerie. But I understand if it’s not the right time.”

Gwyn swallowed hard. “What time should I meet you all at the House?”

***

Azriel knew that the first day or two of his mother’s visit he’d have to share her around, not that he minded. He also knew that, like everyone, she’d gravitate towards Nyx. So, he watched from the sidelines with Cassian as his mother asked Feyre and Rhys every question under the sun. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to ask her about meeting Gwyn, and Nesta hadn’t returned from the library with his mother, so he couldn’t interrogate her either.

When his shadows finally informed him Nesta was coming back, they conveniently left out the part where Gwyn was with her.

So they were back to playing that game with him.

He lost his ability to breathe when he saw her. She looked the same as she always did – beautiful. Half her hair was braided away from her face, the rest falling down her back. It was the first time he’d seen her outside of training since he’d crushed them.

It took everything in him not to run to her. When he looked into her eyes, he knew she was having the same struggle.

“Gwyn, I’m glad you could make it,” his mother said, approaching her. She patted Gwyn on the arm before addressing the room. “Are we ready to go?”

A chorus of yeses and curious glances followed her question, the latter aimed at Gwyn. She shrugged her shoulders at Emerie and avoided looking at Rhys and Feyre. She must be under the impression that they didn’t like her. Mental note number three, confront them both so that Gwyn doesn’t think she’s not welcome.

“Azriel, be a gentleman and offer to fly with Gwyn,” his mother chastised, moving over to Rhys so they could fly together. Feyre would be taking Nyx, Cassian with Nesta and Emerie, and Mor planned on just jumping off the side of the building until she could winnow – a technique that always made him roll his eyes.

Azriel approached Gwyn. His heart felt like it was full of fireflies and sweat started to coat his hands. Send him to war and he was as steady as a mountain, send him to Gwyn and he was the fitful sea in a storm.

His family departed around them, and soon they were left standing alone. Azriel had no doubt they’d done it intentionally, and he didn’t know whether to be grateful or not.

“Hi,” she breathed.

“Hey.” He stepped towards her slowly, trying to calm his heartbeat as he did.

“I – I don’t have to come, if it makes you uncomfortable,” she whispered.

“What? No. No, you could never – Gwyn, I would never feel uncomfortable around you.”

She nodded.

“Gwyn-” he said at the same time she said “Az.”

They both laughed lightly. “You first,” she said.

“I’m surprised you’re coming tonight. I hope my mother didn’t pressure you.”

“No, not at all. She just made a rather compelling case.”

“What case would that be?”

“She said you’d be here.” Gwyn swallowed hard.

Azriel nodded, understanding. He might not understand the nuance of how Gwyn was feeling if not for the fact that they had faced this same predicament before. The feeling that settled in his chest knowing that she trusted him so implicitly to go into the city not once, but twice, had him bowing his head before her.

How badly he wanted to touch her – stroke the soft skin on her arms, settle a hand on her back, twine his fingers in her hair.

If he flew her into the city, how could be ever let her go?

She closed the distance between them, her hands tentatively landing on his shoulders. Soon, they would wrap around his neck as he held her like a bride, flying them through the city. But before that, he needed to know he could endure just this touch without breaking apart and begging for her forgiveness.

She came closer, her arms wrapping around him and her body pressing into his. She could surely hear his rapid heartbeat.

“Azriel.”

“Yes, Gywneth?”

“It might be a little hard to fly with me if you don’t touch me.” She tilted her head back to look into his eyes, and he was pained when he saw the hurt there. “Is this too much?” She stepped back from him, but he matched every step, keeping them only inches away from each other.

“It is not too much,” he assured her, voice deep.

“I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

He couldn’t help the low chuckle that escaped him. He cupped her face in his hands, tilting her head towards him. Her eyes met his, and the temptation to kiss her was nearly too much. Instead, he said, “You are my best friend, Gwyneth Berdara. My favourite person. It is not, nor will it ever be, an obligation to spend time with you.”

She sighed softly, and laid her hands over his, linking her fingers. “I’ve missed being friends.”

“Me too.” I’ve missed you, is what he wanted to really say, but that felt like too much pressure to put on her. As much as it pained him to spend even a single second away from her, he knew she made the right decision when telling him they could not just happen once. Azriel would have spent his whole life dedicating himself to her, but it would have been a disservice to her. There was so much in this world that she hadn’t seen, and whoever the person was that would complete her, be her equal, her happiness, was not him. For they were not the same; he could never be as wholly good as her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and this time he did not flinch from the touch. Handling her carefully, he put one hand around her waist while the other picked up her legs. Holding her the way Cassian had held Nesta the day of their wedding ceremony when he’d marched her across the threshold, Azriel spread his wings and flew.

***

A truce had been called, and Gwyn was glad for it.

In Azriel’s arms, everything just seemed so right. She also decided to acquiesce to her trust in him; if Azriel said that she neither made him uncomfortable nor was an obligation, she would believe him. Even if it was just so she could be closer to him.

The way she missed him was unlike any way she had felt before. Like the way she could acknowledge her love for people were different although equal, like the way she loved Emerie and Nesta was different to the way she loved Cassian, which was different to the way she loved her mother, the way she missed Azriel was a feeling she had yet to experience.

She wasn’t stupid. She knew what this meant. She had after all read over a hundred romance novels just this year.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Az said, his grip on her tightening.

“I’m just enjoying the view.” She rested her head on his shoulder, the sun set bathing them in a warm, orange light.

“Me too.” But he was looking at her.

***

The restaurant they were in reminded Gwyn of the dining hall her and Catrin frequented at Sangravah’s temple. It was huge, the ceilings high and echo-y, the floor a deep brown with matching wooden tables. Whatever this building was when it had originally been erected, it wasn’t as a restaurant. Towards the back, there was live music playing while people danced, but towards the front of the restaurant, where they were seated, it was nice background noise instead of blaring.

Gwyn sat next to Nesta and Azriel and across from Feyre and Rhys. Gwyn silently wished she’d been closer to Emerie instead of the High Lord and High Lady. She didn’t know why, but they did not seem to like her very much anymore. Was it possible they’d learnt of her deal with Azriel, and their odd looks and side glances were their silent disapproval?

She ignored them by gorging herself on food and chatting with Azriel’s mother. She sat at the head of the table, Azriel was on the end, and was a fascinating person. Sometimes Gwyn forgot that the majority of people at this table were pushing it to their sixth century, and hearing Azriel’s mother speak of her life was enrapturing. Azriel and Rhys occasionally butted in, and poor Az had to endure Gwyn practically sitting in his lap as she leaned over him to better hear his mother. His hand on her lower back to steady her showed her that he didn’t mind, and she would be lying if she said she wasn’t taking advantage. She wanted to be close to him.

When the food had been demolished and many stories told, they started taking fruitive looks at the fae dancing to the live music. Feyre and Rhys were the first to go, closely followed by Azriel’s mother, who decided that the giggling Nyx would be the perfect dance partner. Nesta kept sneaking glances at Gwyn, who eventually shooed her away to go dance with her mate.

Then it was just Az, Mor, Emerie and Gwyn, so they shuffled to be closer together. Mor and Emerie’s hands were entwined, and it brought a smile to Gwyn’s face. She had heard many things since they’d announced their love for one another but had yet to see it in action. She was glad to see how content Mor looked, no hesitation to be seen. Good. It was what Emerie deserved.

It also explained the weird looks she used to get from Morrigan, which were now simply hilarious when they used to be unsettling. Mor was jealous of all things, but the thought of Gwyn and Emerie being anything other than sisters was preposterous.

“Why are you squirming like that?” Mor drawled to Azriel, who had been shifting in his seat for the last twenty minutes.

He didn’t answer, just stared at her.

“You okay?” Gwyn asked, resting a hand on his knee.

“Yes.” He paused. “I need to use the bathroom. Will you be okay here?”

Oh Mother, she had nearly forgotten how sweet he was. But it was clear he’d been sitting in discomfort so that he didn’t have to leave her. Gwyn didn’t know if she could bare losing him, not when she’d only just gotten him back.

“I’ll be fine.” She added a smile to assure him, and he nodded. He scanned the area around them, and once deeming them safe, headed towards the back of the restaurant, closer to the music and amenities.

When Azriel had ducked into one of the rooms, Gwyn turned back to her friends, wanting to interrogate them on all things love-related. Before she had a chance, Mor grabbed them each by the hand, a wild smile on her face.

“Let’s dance.”

Emerie shook her head. “We’re not leaving Gwyn alone.”

“No, all three of us.”

Emerie raised a brow and said in a hushed voice, “We talked about this-”

“No, no, not like that,” Mor laughed. “A friendly dance. I want to move my body.” The eyes Mor gave Emerie gave Gwyn quite the hint on how Mor intended to move her body, hopefully not until they were in their own home and bed.

Emerie bit back a smile, turning to Gwyn. “Would you like to dance with us?”

Oddly enough, Gwyn’s answer was yes. She wanted to feel as free as Morrigan did.

Mor led them to the dance floor, where they held hands in a circle and just twirled. Nesta and Cassian, neither of whom had drunk that night, cheered them on. Mor definitely had her fair share though, her hair loose and mind unencumbered with worry. Gwyn envied that, hoping she could one day be the same. Whatever Mor was doing, she wanted in.

They had only been there a minute when they were approached by a stranger. He was the tall, dark and handsome type that Gwyn had become used to reading about in her novels, and although she could see the eyes of many males and females staring at him in unabashed desire, she found him… lacking. Perhaps she applied mediocrity to him because, to put it plainly, he did not compare to what she’d already had.

“Ladies.” He nodded to them, a smirk on his pretty face. He looked at their hands. “How would you like to dance?”

Gwyn couldn’t help her cackle. “Sorry, they’re not interested.” She tried to humble herself, but the thought of a male getting between Emerie and Mor – that was not happening, and it amused her endlessly.

“I wasn’t asking them.�� He was focused on just her now.

Oh.

It made her feel…

How did she feel? Were the pricks in her stomach uneasiness or anticipation? She wasn’t attracted to him, that she knew for sure, but did she not just wish to be more like Morrigan? She knew what Mor would do – she would push her own boundaries.

Emerie opened her mouth to dismiss him, but Gwyn interrupted her.

“Okay.”

Emerie blanched in shock, and subtly moved to her side, throwing an arm around her shoulders seemingly haphazardly before whispering in her ear.

“What are you doing?”

Gwyn pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I’m trying to be like everyone else.”

Catrin would have danced with him. Catrin spread her love like it was the snow in winter, she would have danced with anybody.

Gwyn took his outstretched hand, noticing the looks Cassian and Nesta gave her. Nesta stepped forward to intervene, stopped only by Cassian’s hand on her forearm.

“What is your name?” she asked the male as they stepped to the side. She dropped his hand, facing him. She wouldn’t touch him, and he wasn’t allowed to touch her yet either, but swaying in the general vicinity of one another counted as dancing, did it not?

Her hands were behind her back, her back straight. The message was clear: no touching.

“Elvin. Yours?”

“Nes.”

She didn’t even know why she lied, it just felt like too much to have this man in front of her and know her name. She wasn’t ready to reveal the parts of her identity that actually mattered. To him, she was just going to be a girl that danced.

He took a step forward. She took a step back.

“Is this how you dance with everyone?” he asked.

“Just those I don’t know,” she answered. Her breathing was becoming laboured, and this time she knew why. It was trepidation. She calmed herself the way any Valkyrie would, and persevered.

“We could know each other. You just have to come a bit closer.”

She let him inch closer but did not let their bodies touch. She guessed he was kind of attractive, not a bad place to start. She was surrounded by people that would go to combat for her in a second if needed, and she was more than able to fend for herself thanks her daily training. Azriel was just one shout away. She would be safe here.

Bracing herself, she raised her hands and let them fall on his shoulders. His smirk turned to a more genuine smile, and he thankfully kept his hands at his side as they swayed.

“Velaris isn’t a very big city, and I can’t say I’ve seen you before,” he said.

“I grew up in Sangravah,” Gwyn told him. After a moment of pause, she continued. “You may put your hands atop mine.” An odd dancing position, but one she was some-what okay with.

His eyes softened at her words. “I see.” He laid his hands atop hers, putting his arms into an odd angle. She tried not to laugh at how silly it was, but she was grateful he wasn’t pushing her.

The music was nice, but the back of her head burned from the intense looks she was getting from her sisters. It made her grin, knowing they were trying not to pounce.

It was not them she should have been taking note of.

She saw the door open first, Azriel finally coming out of the bathroom. He looked to the table, his brows furrowing, before quickly scanning the crowd and spotting her with Elvin. She couldn’t place the look on his face, but she did see Rhys step towards him, who Azriel shoved aside.

The shadows enveloped her first, then his wings as Azriel descended upon them. He didn’t even need to speak, his powerful body doing it all for him. He stepped between her and Elvin, his shadows wrapping around her ankles and waist.

“You’re done here,” he hissed at Elvin before turning away from him, his wings bristling with the promise of violence.

Elvin’s eyes widened in fear, and he backed off with him hands up, muttering apologies to the Shadowsinger.

Gwyn could have sworn the music stopped. That everyone was looking at her and judging her, but when Azriel swept her into his grasp she realised they hadn’t made a scene at all. Azriel had kept them hidden in his shadows.

“If you wanted to dance,” he rasped, “you should have asked me.” His lips were brushing against her ear, and the feeling made her arch into his chest.

“And you should know I can handle myself. I’m not the same female you met all those years ago. You should know that better than anyone.”

His hands slid around her waist, pulling her tighter against him. Still bathed in his shadows, she let her head fall back in bliss at the feeling.

“I know you are more than capable, Gwyneth Berdara. But I am not capable of seeing you with another male’s hands on you.”

She fisted the front of his shirt. This was all too familiar. His hands, her heartbeat, the pulse she felt between her legs. Mere hours since their first conversation after ending things and she could already feel the slickness between her thighs at his touch.

Instead of feeling satisfied with the feeling, it ignited an anger in her. Who was he to cause a scene? Who was he to say he couldn’t bear to see her with other males?

She shoved him off her, glad when he stumbled a few steps. The general patrons of the dance floor might not have noticed their skirmish, but Gwyn hated how the eyes of everyone she knew had landed on them.

Behind the band, she noticed an exit door. Stiffening in resolve, she grabbed Azriel by one of the loops of his belt and hauled him with her until they were in an alley behind the restaurant. She slammed the door behind them, glad that they were outside instead of in some supply closet.

The wind was intense in the tunnel, its coldness tearing through her and making her hair whip around her face. It barely concealed her fury.

“You can’t do that,” she spat at him.

“Do what?” he raised his hands in surrender.

“Today was the first time we’ve spoken in over a month because I told you that I had feelings for you. Which you don’t return, and that’s fine, and I never expected that, never dreamed that I would have your affections, but fucking hell Azriel do you know what it does to me, to my body, when you talk to me like that?”

His gaze darkened, and she saw his tongue flick over his bottom lip. “What does it do, Gwyn?”

“You know what it does,” she bit out, her hands shaking. She turned her back to him, facing the wall of a multi-storey building. She hoped its occupants wouldn’t hear their row.

The sudden warmness of his body alerted her to his presence. “I am your friend, Gwyn.”

“Apparently.”

“Gwyn.” He ran a single finger down her back, and the small touch had no right feeling as good as it did. “You’re my best friend.”

“As I’ve heard.”

“I would do anything for you.” His hands were on her waist, and then her back was to his chest. His lips pressed against her neck, the sudden touch making her gasp. “Anything.”

***

Her body had been on his all night. The way she so casually draped herself across him had him near feral with his desire for her. For decorum’s sake, he’d kept it together. Mostly. It was hard to hide his raging desire when a certain part of him wouldn’t behave. When he’d excused himself to discreetly deal with the erection that just wouldn’t budge – and by deal, he meant quickly stroke himself to completion so he could feel an ounce of relief – he never expected to come out of the bathroom and see that.

Gwyn. A male. His hands touching her precious skin.

Azriel did not like losing control. But seeing her like that? It was his worst fears come to fruition. She wasn’t getting it from him, so she was turning to someone else, and it made jealously rip through him.

“Anything,” he rasped. “Any way you want. Anywhere you want.” He pressed another kiss to her neck, letting his teeth lightly graze her skin. It had the intended effect, a small moan escaping her. Yes, his Gwyn liked to bite.

“Cauldron, you are so insufferable.” She turned and grabbed him by his shirt, spinning him and slamming his back into the wall behind them. He opened his mouth to apologise, but was silenced when she pressed her lips to his.

He wasted no time in reciprocating, a deep moan escaping him as her tongue dipped into his mouth. She pressed herself into him, her hands wrapping around his neck, reverently kissing him.

His hands slid down her back, grasping the ass he’d dreamt about endlessly over the past month when he’d desperately pleasured himself to the thought of her. He hitched one of her legs up, angling her so that he could press his length into her. It elicited a moan from her, and she gently grinded her hips forward to rub her core against him. All her weight rested on him, and he wanted her closer: now.

He picked her up by the back of her thighs, wrapping her legs around him. He spun them so he could press her into the wall, her body held up by the pressure of him. He did not break the kiss once, just hitched her higher so that they were eye to eye.

She whispered his name like a strangled prayer, and it made him break away to start kissing down her neck, focusing on the spots he knew were extra sensitive.

“Az, Az, please, I need more.”

He moved his hips against hers. The only thing stopping his dick from rubbing against her clit was the clothes between them, and he knew this was one of her favourite ways to get off. Before, when they still only touched themselves, she would sometimes just gyrate against him until she came, loving the friction and time it took for her orgasm to climb. He lived for the moments when she would bite her lip and eyes would glaze over.

“What do you want?”

The glaze was starting in her eyes now, and Azriel knew it wouldn’t take much to make her come. He wondered how much she had since they’d ended, if her hand had dipped between her thighs at the thought of him or one of her filthy books.

She peered around the alley, making sure there was no one to see them. Azriel was confident they wouldn’t be caught, his shadows would alert him to anyone coming too close, but he thought that maybe she liked the risk of getting caught. Afterall, she had once jerked him off in the middle of a bar.

“How much can we do without getting caught?” she asked.

Azriel grinned. “Hold onto my shoulders.”

He walked them a few paces to the right where there was a windowsill at his shoulder height. With no effort at all, he lifted her up until she was seated on its edge. Her hands moved from his body to brace herself against the sill, and her chest heaved as she looked down at him.

“What are you doing?” she breathed.

“I didn’t get dessert after dinner, and I’m craving something sweet.”

He lifted her dress up, ducking under it. Encased by its warmth, he pressed a mouth to her inner thigh to encourage her to spread her legs. She eagerly did, and he wasted no time in pushing aside her panties and swiping his tongue up her centre.

He wished he could have seen her as he flicked his tongue in the places he knew she loved. He could picture her though, arms on the side of the window frame and head moving back and forward as she arched her neck back in pleasure while also wanting to watch him please her. She put her feet on his shoulders and spread her knees, and he growled at the access it gave him.

“I hope no one’s home,” he teased her.

“Let them watch. Let them see what you do to me,” she groaned.

Azriel was right, she was already on the precipice before he’d even touched her, and he had her coming twice before peppering kisses to her thighs and letting her down from the ledge. She wrapped herself up in him immediately, their kisses hot and wet as she undoubtedly tasted herself on him.

“Azriel,” she said, her voice low and full of promise.

He hummed against her, moving his lips back to her neck.

“Azriel,” she said again, his hands moving back to her ass.

“Yes?”

“Fuck me. Right now.”

That stopped him in his tracks. “Huh?” He stopped kissing her, brushing the hair off her forehead as he looked her in the eyes.

She lowered them, a mischievous grin on her face. “You heard me,” she whispered. “Fuck me. Here. I’m sick of not knowing how you’d feel inside me.”

He seriously considered it. Just fucking her against the wall and releasing into her, his name nothing but a scream on her lips. Even in an alley he could make her feel good, make it worth her while.

“No,” he said without hesitation. “The first time I fuck you is not going to be in some random street.”

Her brows furrowed slightly, her kiss-swollen lips parting at his words. “First time? Does that mean you want there to be a second time?”

Yes, fuck yes more than anything, now, again, and forever I want to be with you, he thought, but he didn’t say the words aloud. Because his conundrum from before was still an issue. If he let himself have her, it would only lead to their fiery demise when she realises how being with him like that would be to sully herself.

A small part of him thought that she was able to make these decisions for herself, and if he’s what she wanted he should oblige her, but he quashed the irrational thought.

And just like before, his silence, his hesitancy, was all the answer she needed.

“Fuck,” she whispered, her face falling. She shoved herself away from him, covering her face with her hands. The pain that shook her was unabashed and powerful, and he wanted to beg for her forgiveness – for the pain he was causing her now, and the pain he’d surely cause her in the future.

Her shoulders quaked with the force of the sob that wracked her, but any subsequent cries she swallowed.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Az,” she shuddered. “Fuck, why do I keep doing this to myself?”

“Gwyneth…”

“Don’t. Just… don’t, Azriel.”

She walked away from him, taking the door back inside and never once looking back.

***

That night, she woke up with a scream, the nightmares that had been haunting her for weeks now in full force. She grabbed a robe and ran, wishing she could go to Azriel, but going somewhere else instead.

***

Azriel tried to be present for his mother over the coming days, but his thoughts were clouded with Gwyn. She didn’t come to training. She didn’t leave the library. He knew she was alive and safe, his shadows informed him of her happenings constantly, and his mother would often leave his side to visit her. She was quite taken with Gwyn, liking her the way Azriel had dreamed she would.

Nesta and Cassian had tried to speak with him, Nesta especially seemed worried, but he brushed them off. If Gwyn hadn’t told them, he would respect her wish for privacy.

He distracted himself as best as he could. He took his mother to his favourite places throughout Velaris, and even some of the small towns throughout the Night Court that he had always found charming. They were sometimes joined by others, but mostly his family let him have his mother to himself. They somehow talked nearly every minute without ever actually talking about anything, and anytime his mother tried to bring up Gwyn, he promptly changed the subject.

She particularly liked a small beach down that only had a population of just under a thousand, and Azriel thought maybe if she didn’t want Velaris, he could find her a place like this. Out in the countryside, the fae were far more diverse, not held to the strict no-one-in-no-one-out policy that Velaris had been under for hundreds of years. It meant you would see all types of folk, like the nymphs that Gwyn hailed from, instead of just stuffy high-fae.

Then it was her last day, and despite knowing better, he asked her what he knew she’d say no to.

“Would you like to stay? No one is living in the townhouse anymore, and I know Rhys would be thrilled if you were there. You would be so close to us, and you could go to more of the sessions in Feyre’s studio, I know how much you’ve enjoyed them. You can steal Nyx whenever you want to, and Cassian will probably have babies soon, and just imagine how rambunctious they would be.”

She just shook her head, pulling him into a loving embrace.

Rhys had asked to be the one to take her back to Illyria, and Azriel was fine with that arrangement. Rhys knew Azriel didn’t like returning to Illyria. It was worse when it was because of his mother. When he left, he felt like he was abandoning her, and it brought up things from his childhood that he’d rather not remember.

Azriel met them at Rhys and Feyre’s mansion at dusk, and Rhys flew away with her soon after. He could have winnowed, but Azriel’s mother liked the feeling of flying too much.

Azriel spread his wings to leave too, but he was stopped by Feyre’s hand tugging on his arm. “Want to come inside?” she asked, her eyes hopeful.

Azriel remembered his resolve to speak to Feyre and Rhys about making Gwyn uncomfortable. Perhaps this was a good time, then he didn’t have to speak to Rhys, but all the information would be conveyed to him anyway.

Azriel nodded, and followed Feyre inside, a freshly toddling Nyx walking – or more accurately stumbling – in front of them.

“He’ll be flying in no time,” Azriel chuckled lightly, enjoying watching his nephew plod around.

“Don’t remind me, he’s hard to keep up with as it is,” Feyre laughed, guiding Nyx into one of the many lounge rooms. Once he was happy playing with some toys, gurgling away in words Azriel couldn’t understand but always responded to with the appropriate coos.

“Take a seat, I’ll get us some tea.”

“That won’t be necessary, I won’t be here for long.”

Her face fell ever so slightly. “You won’t be?”

“No, I just want to talk.” He paced around the room. “I would like it if you and Rhys had more subtlety in your feelings for Gwyn. She knows you don’t like her, and it’s making her uncomfortable. It’s not fair that just because we-” he broke himself off, shaking his head to try and regain his thoughts. “It’s not fair that she’s made to feel like that in her own space, with the only family she has.”

“Did she say that?” Feyre asked, voice barely above a murmur.

“No, she didn’t need to. I can tell.”

“Azriel, I do like Gwyn. We both do. I think she’s great.”

Azriel raised a brow at her, his expression asking the question for him.

“I’m being serious, Az. I know there was a time when Rhys suspected her of some things, but we were just being careful.”

“But I told you she wasn’t a threat. If you trust my judgement so little, then what is the point of me being here? What’s my purpose in this family?”

“We do trust you, and your purpose has nothing to do with your spy work. You’re a part of this family because we love you, not because you’re useful to have around.”

He knew her words were earnest, and he didn’t doubt the love between them all. But there was no denying that Azriel was starting to lose his place here. Everyone was always so fucking happy with their families and mates and lovers, and the only time he’d felt like that was with Gwyn. But he didn’t deserve her, and if he hadn’t already ruined what was between them he certainly had now.

Feyre was clutching her hands in front of her heart, waiting for Azriel to reply. He clenched his jaw, approaching the door.

“I hope you’ll take my words into consideration. Goodbye, Feyre.”

***

Gwyn was content with the quietness, glad to be alone for once. The library was silent in the late hours, the rare acolyte still wandering around but most sane enough to have retired to their quarters.

Gwyn just wanted to shut her brain off. She didn’t want to think about her growing feelings for Azriel, or how she yearned to be at his side, in his bed, to taste the lips they had chastely touched together. She couldn’t think of this thing because if she did she would think of what came next. Either she foolishly declared her love for him or she walked away before the realisation that this wasn’t real hit her again.

“Gwyn?”

She jumped at the sound of her name and turned in her chair to see Azriel’s mother looking at her.

“I thought you’d gone home,” she said in greeting.

“I wanted to talk to you one last time and convinced Rhys to bring me here. Although I suspect we’ll see each other many times over the coming years.” She pulled a chair to sit next to Gwyn, placing her hands over Gwyn’s as she sat.

“I want to tell you a story,” she said once settled. “I don’t usually interfere with affairs that aren’t my own, but there’s things you should know before I go.”

Gwyn nodded, listening intently.

“I have always loved my son to the best of my ability. He is my heart, the reason I live, but he has always doubted if he was someone that could be loved, let alone a male that deserved it. The way he was treated as a child, bound and tortured, broke the part of him that accepts the love he deserves. It didn’t matter how much Rhys and Cassian adored him, or how much Rhys’ mother thought of him as her own, so many things had happened to him that he was never able to see through it.” She paused, her face hard as she recalled the memories. “It was not until Rhys was appointed High Lord and he took me from where I was that I had any contact with my son after letting him go. I didn’t know how to read or write yet, and I had accepted my fate in his Lord father’s household. But that – that’s irrelevant. My Azriel will fight till his death for the ones he loves, but he will never fight for himself. Gwyn, you must persevere with him. The way he is with you? It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I’ve never seen him so open, and unguarded, and,” she took a deep breathe, her lips barely moving up in a smile, “happy. And that’s all I want for him.”

What she was saying made sense. Azriel was the most loving person she’d ever met, as infuriating as he sometimes was, but she could see the ways in which he rejected that love for himself. She saw it whenever Cassian kissed Nesta, and Azriel got distant. She saw it when he looked longingly as Nyx and Feyre, as if he wanted those things for his own but didn’t think he could ever have them.

And by the Cauldron she loved him.

This selfless, loving, enraging man was the one she loved most in this world. There was just one problem. It wasn’t the lack of his self-esteem keeping him from her. It was that he did not love her back.

Gwyn covered her face with her hands, pushing her palms in to her eyes to stop her own tears. “I will never be enough for him.” Her voice cracked.

“Why?” Azriel’s mother pleaded.

“Because I am broken.” Gwyn became overcome with the emotion she’d tried to hideaway. The past two months, her heart breaking every time she thought of Azriel, the constant dreams of Catrin. “I am an awful person, and I do not deserve him. I am callous. I don’t think things through. My sister was the better of us and after she died I replaced her with Nesta and Emerie like she meant nothing.” Gwyn clutched a hand to her chest, a searing pain slashing through her. “My sister is dead. And I lived, and every day I have done things that would let her down.”

“Your sister may have departed us, but her soul, her love for you is alive. You will feel her in the wind, smell her in the flowers during spring.” She touched Gwyn’s temple. “She is alive in here.”

Gwyn furiously wiped at her tears, hating that she was so emotional in front of someone she’d only known a handful of days.

“Why do you hide your tears from me?” she asked.

“Because all I do is cry; I hate it. I need to be stronger.”

“Oh, young one, crying is not a weakness. You are in pain, and that pain deserves to be acknowledged.”

Gwyn let her tears fall, accepting the embrace of Azriel’s mother like she was her own.

The talk they had after that was one Gwyn needed to hear – from a female who’s past was so like her own. Gwyn was whole. Gwyn was capable of great things, and if those things took time, then so be it. The shame Gwyn had felt veiled in since the attack on Sangravah lifted ever so slightly, and the ache in her heart eased enough that she could breathe normally again.

Gwyn had been letting things in her fester until the ache consumed her, whether it be in how she perceived herself or the night-terrors that had her in a steel grip. She needed this talk, a person to prompt her to confront of her past. If she wanted to heal, she needed to acknowledge that she needed to. Starting now, Gwyn would try. And starting soon, maybe Azriel could see that. See her for who she was, and love her for who she was, cracks and breaks and all.

***

“Gwyn asked me a question today. I don’t know the answer, but you might.” Mor was sitting with him while she waited for Emerie to bathe after training. It was the first time they’d been alone together in a while, and Azriel was pleasantly surprised at how companionable it was. They’d never had the talk about his feelings, by the Cauldron he did not want to, and his feelings for her had long since faded.

“Is she okay?” Azriel focused on Mor, abandoning the knitting needles his mother had given him. She’d thought the hobby would be good for him, and he was attempting to make a beanie for Nyx. So far, he’d managed to make some tangled yarn.

“She’s fine. She asked me if I knew where her sister was buried.”

He startled. “Why was she asking?”

“I have no idea. Do you know? I told her I’d look into it.”

After the temple had been raided and they’d taken note of the dead, they’d mostly left burial decisions to the villagers. As far as Azriel knew, most had been buried in the graveyard next to the destroyed temple, with the hope that they would one day re-build what was lost. However, Gwyn had mentioned her mother being buried near the coast after her passing, so perhaps Catrin had been laid to rest there.

Whatever the answer, Azriel would find out. He told Mor as much, and she thanked him. They waited together in silence, the beanie back in his hands and as shitty as ever, when Rhys decided to invade their personal space.

Azriel took that as his cue to leave. The House of Wind wasn’t big enough to fit Rhysand’s ego and Azriel’s bad mood at the same time.

Rhys had tried to summon him eight times in the fortnight since he’d spoken to Feyre, and he’d ignored him. If it was important, he could haul his ass up to the House of Wind or get Cassian.

“Hey Rhys,” Mor said, her eyes following Azriel as he got up from his seat.

“C’mon, Az. Stay, I need to talk to you.”

Azriel recognised the familiar look on Rhys and Mor’s faces that said they were talking amongst their minds, and with a prompt goodbye and a kiss to both their cheeks, Mor scrambled off to find Emerie.

Great. The three of them had plans in the city and now he’d have to wait for them to stop railing each other before they could go.

Azriel pinched his nose, not excited for the onslaught that was to come.

“How have you been?” Rhys asked, the question unexpected.

“Fine,” Azriel answered curtly.

“I know you’re lying.”

“Using your daemati abilities on me without asking, that’s new.”

“No, I’ve just known you the entirety of our lives, and I worry about you.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I can’t help it. You haven’t been yourself lately.”

“Maybe I just haven’t been the same around you, High Lord.”

Rhys’ eyes shone, with anger or sadness Azriel didn’t know. What he did know was that the last thing he wanted to do was have a heart to heart chat.

“You think I don’t know what’s been going on? Cassian is worried out of his fucking mind. Nesta, bloody Nestacame to me because she didn’t know how to help you.”

“Leave it be, Rhys.”

“No. I won’t. Because you’re my brother and I can’t stand to see you like this.”

Azriel turned his back to Rhys counted to ten in his head, trying to calm his thoughts. When he had composed himself to talk to Rhys without shouting, he turned to his brother. “When Feyre came to the Night Court, you ordered us to not talk to her about the awful shit she was going through, saying she needed to heal on her own. We left Nesta alone for months and months while she tried to deal with her crap, because you and Feyre said she needed time. Can I not have that same allowance? A few weeks to figure my shit out?”

“Sort out what exactly? Whatever happened between you and Gwyn?”

“Don’t say her name.”

“I’ll say whatever I damn want if it means you confront whatever demons you’re battling. Just admit you love her and go get your girl, Az. I don’t understand why you aren’t together when you both are so obviously obsessed with each other. You were fucking happy, Az. The happiest I’ve ever seen you. And I wish I had known it was because of her. I wouldn’t have said, or even thought, half the stuff I did if I had known.”

Azriel flashed back to the night Gwyn had braved the stairs and walked through the city to get to him. To embracing her in the street with not a care in the world. To the look on Rhys’ faced that spoke of nothing but disapproval. In that moment, Rhys had confirmed everything Azriel had ever thought about himself.

Even though Rhys suspected Gwyn of treason, he still did not think Azriel was good enough for her.

Azriel was hit with the exhaustion he’d been fighting off for days – weeks – months – and collapsed back into his chair. He was too tired for this conversation. Then again, he couldn’t picture a day where he was well rested enough to deal with this.

“The reason I’m not with Gwyn isn’t because I don’t want to be,” Azriel said slowly.

“I didn’t investigate Gwyn because I truly thought she was working against us. You were right. I had dropped it until I saw you together.”

Azriel leant his head back, staring at the white ceiling. “Why?”

“If you loved her, I had to be sure she wouldn’t do something to jeopardise you. Watching you get your heart broken again was not something I could do. So, I was selfish. I wanted to make sure she was who you thought she was.”

Azriel’s eyes burned. “I don’t understand. I saw how much you disapproved.”

“I wasn’t against the idea of you. I was confused. I didn’t understand when it all happened between you, and I still don’t, and I didn’t understand why you didn’t just tell me that everything I was suspicious of was just because you two were seeing each other. When did we start keeping secrets like that?”

Azriel didn’t want to acknowledge the words. Half of his reasoning behind his decision to leave her be was because he had wholeheartedly believed that not even his own family thought he was good enough for her.

This only proved how broken he was.

“I don’t fit here anymore,” he told Rhys, finally looking him in the eye.

His brother’s face was as open as a book – pain, remorse. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve all made a real family. Irrevocably connected to one another. You have Feyre, and Nyx, and Cassian has Nesta. Mor has Emerie. I can’t see myself here anymore. I’m always on the outside. I can’t relate to you. If I wasn’t here, would anything really change? Am I even needed anymore?”

And as Azriel said the words, he knew the truth behind them. The tipping point may have been Gwyn, but his despair had been growing long before that, its only reprieve the moments he was at her side.

Rhys stormed across the room, grabbing Azriel by the arm and hauling him up.

Rhys did something Azriel hadn’t expected.

Rhys hugged him – the kind of hug you’d give after winning a battle, the kind of hug you’d give after being separated for years, the kind of hug you only give to those dearest to you. The exact kind of hug Rhys had given him after the war five hundred years ago when they’d been kept apart by Rhys’ father, never knowing if the other was truly okay and praying to the Mother that they were all alive. Azriel wrapped his arms around his brother in return, the two Illyrian males holding onto each other for dear life.

“You’re my brother, how could you ever think that I could live without you?”

Azriel felt Rhys’ tears on his shoulder, summoning some of his own.

“There may be no blood between us, brother, but I choose you as my family, and I will always choose you. You are worthy. You are deserving. And I love you.”

Azriel wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. Long enough for Mor and Emerie to sneak out. Long enough for the House to light up as the sun set. Long enough for Cassian to find them and shove them apart so he could join in.

Three brothers in every way that mattered, Azriel had just let himself forget.

***

Gwyn had a package. Never, ever, had she received a package before. In Sangravah, if anyone wanted to tell her something they’d just come find her, there was no need to send it in the mail.

Nesta had brought it to her, saying it had been sent to the House. They were both trepidus at first, until they realised the sender had been Azriel’s mother. Gwyn took it to her room to open it in private. There was a loose letter atop a bunch of tightly packed envelopes, and Gwyn opened it to scan what Azriel’s mother had said.

Gwyn,

I wanted to show you these, so there was no doubt in your mind of the sincerity of the words I told you before I left.

Please, be gentle with Azriel’s heart. He hasn’t written me since I left, and I don’t think he’s sleeping.

All my love.

The envelopes below were dated from around the time Nesta and Gwyn became friends to just before Gwyn and Azriel had ended things, and Gwyn opened the first to see that Azriel’s mother had highlighted certain sections for her to read. She scanned her eyes over them, barely taking them in before frantically opening the next letters to see if they were the same.

Azriel’s mother had noted every section of his letters that spoke about Gwyn. Gwyn wondered if reading his words was a violation of his privacy, and if she should thank his mother for her generosity, but send them back without reading them.

And then Gwyn remembered how nosey she was, and that Az’s mother wanted her to read this, and went back to the beginning.

It started simple, Az talking about how someone had finally joined Nesta in her training, a girl Azriel knew from the war against Hybern. Knew of, he’d corrected himself, it wasn’t fair to say you knew someone just because you’d been there on the worst day of their life.

When she’d cut the ribbon, and how proud he was. When he found her training on solstice and how he’d given her the necklace meant for someone else. The memory made Gwyn laugh just thinking about it. Oh Az, he was a great gift giver but he’d really bungled that one. He went into their private training sessions, when she started having nightly dinners with him, Cassian and Nesta, and the absolute crushing fear he’d felt when they discovered she’d been taken for the Bloodrite. He talked about how she’d won, and how he was floored by her, and the words made Gwyn’s heart flood with love.

There was so much. With every letter, she became a more prominent character in the tales he would regale for his mother. It was no wonder she had so eagerly wanted to meet Gwyn, Gwyn was at the centre of everything Azriel had said before they’d even started their arrangement. And then the dates from after they’d gotten together could have been written by another male. His happiness exuded through the pages, no hint of the darkness that was synonymous with Azriel.

It read like a romance novel, and if Gwyn hadn’t been the one living this mess, she would have thought there was no other way Azriel could possibly feel about her.

Which either made her incredibly dense, or there was something going on that she didn’t understand.

Ruminating on the thoughts, she repacked the letters and quickly hid them in her room so that none of the other acolytes accidentally stumbled upon them. She then wondered if she could get away with taking a few hours away from the library. She did work through the morning, and she was miles ahead of where she would’ve been if she’d been going to training, so she decided to risk it and run to the House of Wind. If she missed anything important, she’d just work through the night again.

Sneaking into the House was easy, she did it all the time. She crept along the hallway and heard the light voices of Mor and Azriel in one of the many common rooms. Avoiding that route, she would talk to Az, just not yet, she took a roundabout way until she was in the House’s library.

Nesta could often be found here in the late afternoon, and Gwyn was praying that since she hadn’t seen Nesta working today, she was doing something here. The room was empty, and with a grunt of frustration Gwyn went to Nesta’s bedroom, hoping maybe she’d be there.

She was relieved to find not only Nesta, but also Emerie. Nesta was sitting with her back to the bathroom door, a forgotten book open in her lap, Emerie’s voice echoing through with the sound of splashing punctuating her words.

“Hello!” Gwyn greeted, her voice awkwardly loud.

Nesta grinned as she looked up at Gwyn, and Emerie yelled a greeting in return, the sound of water thrashing loudly. Emerie appeared in an instant, a fluffy red towel wrapped around her.

“I was just about to come find you. I’m heading into the city soon with Mor, but I wanted to know if you wanted to have dinner with us tonight. We could bring anything you want back from Velaris and come to you in the library, if you’d like.”

Gwyn walked to Emerie, wrapping her arms around her wet friend. “Thank you, but I think I’ll be occupied.”

Emerie hugged her back, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before pretending to glare at Nesta. “Gwyn would have sat with me in the bathroom,” she joked.

“I was attempting to preserve propriety,” Nesta said.

“You’ve guarded me on the side of a mountain while I’ve taken a shit. I really don’t care if you see me naked.”

Gwyn laughed, squeezing Emerie once more before letting her go. “How was training this morning?”

“It went well, but we miss having you there.” Emerie patted her cheek before walking back into the bathroom.

Nesta got to her feet, ushering Gwyn further into the room. “It’s been weird without you, I don’t like it. Will you come back soon?”

Gwyn nodded, then voiced herself when she remembered Emerie wouldn’t be able to hear her. “I think so. I actually came to talk to you about that, if you have the time.”

“Of course we have the time,” Emerie called. “But first…”

She walked out of the room, stark naked holding up two sets of lingerie on hangers. Nesta sighed, and Gwyn snickered.

“Which one do you think Mor would enjoy more? She likes me in red, but the white looks nice with my skin tone. It’s also crotchless.”

“You two have gotten too comfortable in my home.” Despite her words, Nesta looked thoughtfully over the outfits. “I like the white.”

“Me too,” Gwyn added.

Emerie hummed in agreement, going back into the bathroom and not returning until she was fully dressed in a nice off the shoulder shirt and pants.

“It’s no surprise Morrigan was jealous of us when you first started dating. At that point we’d likely seen you naked more than she had.” Gwyn sat on the end of Nesta’s bed.

“Ah yes, but I can assure you what we do when she sees me naked is very different.”

“For your sake, I would hope so. If I had all that naked Cassian and none of the benefits, I would still be a very bitter woman.”

They all laughed together, Emerie sitting in front of Nesta’s full length mirror to do her hair. Gwyn thought it was quite sweet to see Emerie dress up for Mor, it was a side of Emerie she’d never seen before.

“Onto more pressing issues, what plans do you have today, Gwyn?” Emerie asked.

Gwyn opened her mouth to ask them the question she’d come armed with, but she was interrupted by the cheery voice of Mor as she flounced into the room.

She waved at Gwyn and Nesta before plopping herself behind Emerie and wrapping her arms around her waist. She kissed the back of her neck, whispering something in Emerie’s ear that made her nod.

Gwyn didn’t want to interrupt them, so she stayed quiet, her hands in her lap as she looked at them. She felt jealous at their ease – how easy it seemed for them to be together.

“I’ll meet you in the library when you’re done getting ready,” Mor said loudly enough for them all to hear. As quickly as she came in, she left in a flurry. Emerie seemed unfazed – perhaps this was how Mor always was.

“Gwyn, you were saying?” Emerie asked, making eye contact with her through the reflection in the mirror.

“I have two sentences for you both. And I want your opinion on what resonates more.”

Emerie turned to fully face her, abandoning her hair. Nesta came to her side, putting her hands over Gwyn’s and interlocking their fingers.

“Why are you both looking at me like that?” Gwyn gave them both the side-eye.

Emerie came to her other side, putting an arm around her shoulders. “We’re just – we’ve been – it’s just hard to see you sad all the time. We were hoping you would come talk to us about it, but we wanted to give you space.”

“We didn’t want you to feel pressured to talk,” Nesta added. “Sometimes that makes things harder.”

“Oh,” Gwyn exhaled. She pressed a hearty kiss to both their cheeks. “I’m okay.”

“You’re hurting,” Emerie said.

“And we want to be here for you,” Nesta finished.

“Then, you can help me with my conundrum.” Gwyn jumped to her feet and turned to them, clapping her hands together, ready to present.

Emerie and Nesta leant forward, listening intently.

“Sentence one, Azriel and I aren’t together because he doesn’t love me. Two, Azriel and I aren’t together because he thinks he doesn’t deserve my love. I know what I’m starting to think, but what about you.”

Nesta and Emerie shared a look, and then said synchronously, “Number two.”

“And why do we think that?” Gwyn asked.

“Because he’s obviously heartbroken, and the way he reacted when he saw you dancing with Elvin wasn’t the reaction of a male who only feels friendship.”

“Thank you, Emerie. Nesta?”

“I concur. I want you both to be happy, and I think you would be together. Normally, I wouldn’t like the idea of my sister’s happiness being contingent on the feelings of another, but, and correct me if I’m wrong, this sadness wouldn’t be a problem if you and Azriel were together.”

“I think he loves me, at least a little bit,” Gwyn confessed. “I didn’t for a long time, but there’s been some things,” Azriel’s letters in which he said everything about her except the word love, “that have come to light, and I want to try and make this work. And I have a plan.”

***

Gwyn was in his room.

Azriel had roamed the skies for hours after his conversation with Rhys. Rhys had gone into explicit detail with him and Cassian about the investigation of Gwyn – how and why he did it. How: a female he’d hired from a trustworthy guild who had consented to Rhys erasing her memories of all that she found in the library as soon as she was done. Why: because he needed to know what Azriel wasn’t falling for a woman who would betray him.

There was a lot of loose ends to tie up. Rhys admitted he regretted the way he went about it, but that he thought the end result was worth it. He had no doubt in his mind that Gwyn deserved the praise of Azriel and Nesta, and even more.

It did leave Azriel with a bigger task than he’d wanted, making sure Gwyn never found out about any of this. While flying, he replayed everything he had to do to ensure that Gwyn would remain feeling safe in that library. He’d had to contact dozens of the acolytes, none of whom should ever have been forced to speak to someone in the first place, let alone follow up with him. He’d made excuses upon excuses as to why a female fae Rhys had hired came in the library and asked so many questions, and he wanted to kick his brother’s ass when he realised many of them were wary of the newcomer. Clotho especially wrote her displeasure, although she agreed with Rhys in saying it needed to be done. She couldn’t take any chances after Hybern attacked the library all those years ago. Azriel placated her fears, reminding her of her adoration for Gwyn, and then he left, finally ready to collapse into bed. Clotho conceded that she wasn’t worried about a threat like Rhys, more concerned of a threat to Gwyn. She’d looked at him then in her all-knowing way, and Azriel suspected her calmed fears had nothing to do with Rhys deigning Gwyn innocent.

And then there she was. In his room. On his bed. Sleeping. She was in her uniform atop the blanket, but her head rested on his pillow as she slept on her side.

His bed still held the faint smell of Gwyn. Azriel buried himself in it every night just to feel like he was close to her. But over time, it was fading, and Azriel didn’t know what he was going to do with himself once it was completely gone.

The sound of his door closing was enough to wake her. She sat up with a groggy look on her face, a little bit of drool on her chin. She rubbed at her eyes with one of her hands, the other supporting her body.

He approached the bed slowly, not wanting to move to fast after she just woke up lest he scare her. “Gwyneth, is everything okay?”

He knelt next to her on the floor.

“Hmm?”

“Gwyn.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

He could feel his pulse start to rise, and he thought of every possible scenario as she shook herself out of a dreamy daze. Was she hurt? Scared? Had something happened and she needed his help? He didn’t want to overwhelm her with questions, but his body was tense with anticipation.

“Gwyn.” His voice was harder, more serious. “What are you doing here?”

Her face fell at his words, and she looked away from him. “I was waiting for you. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.” She pushed herself off the bed and paced to the other side of his room. He remained on the floor, realising how his tone must have come across.

Five seconds into their first conversation in weeks and he’d already made her believe he didn’t want her to be there.

She fiddled with her fingers, her classic sign of nervousness, and refused to look him in the eye.

“You’re welcome anytime, Gwyn, I just need to know that you’re okay-”

“I got a letter from your mother today.”

“I’m not surprised,” he chuckled. “She likes you.”

“She’s worried about you. She said she doesn’t think you’re sleeping, and that you haven’t written to her since she left.”

Az smiled ruefully. “I’ve never been a good sleeper.” Az knew it would be his mother to say such things, her mouth had always been too big when it came to those she loved. But the last thing Az needed was for Gwyn to spend one minute of her precious time worrying over someone like him.

“I disagree. I often observed you sleeping quite deeply.”

Azriel finally got to his feet, satisfied that Gwyn wasn’t in danger. “I believe I slept so well because I had spent so much of my energy,” he told her, not missing the blush on her cheeks as he said the words.

“Okay, well, even if you are not sleeping, are you okay?”

He didn’t know how to answer that question. He was as fine as he ever was, except that he could only see her when once he would have just seen the kitchen they cooked in together, the bathroom where they bathed together, the library where she would read her favourite dirty books to him before he inevitably went to his knees for her. He was fine except every moment of his existence was plagued with how he’d lost her, and hurt her, and how there was nothing he could do about it unless he wanted to risk eventually being overcome with his darkness.

“Yeah, I’m doing okay.”

She knew he wasn’t, she didn’t even have to say it aloud.

“I’m… I’m not doing okay,” she confessed, the words piercing his chest.

He had been waiting for this. For her to tell him that he had ruined her, that he was the biggest mistake she had ever made and she rued the day they first kissed and everything that had become of them since.

“I’m conflicted, because I don’t regret a single second of the time I’ve had with you, but I also hate what we’ve become.” She approached him gingerly. “I miss you, Az. Every second of every day, I miss you.”

He swallowed hard, his wings shuddering at her words.

“It’s more than that though. I don’t feel secure anymore, like I’ve lost some vital part of myself. It’s not that I don’t feel safe, it’s just that I don’t feel,” she grappled with the words, “I don’t feel settled. And after speaking with Emerie and Nesta, part of me thinks that maybe you feel the same? That maybe we said we were best friends and then acted like strangers?”

She placed her hands on his chest, and he trapped them there. She scrutinised his face, the shadows beneath his eyes evident.

“You haven’t been sleeping,” she deadpanned.

“No, not really.”

She glanced at the bed behind him. “Do you want me to sleep here tonight?”

He tilted his head in confusion.

“Not – not like that.” She took her hands back and guided him to the bed. Her jaw was set as she ordered him to take his clothes off, finding him some pyjamas to change into while he did.

“Another confession I should make. I’ve been having nightmares about Catrin. Sometimes the only way I can sleep is if I have a friend with me. I should be paying Cassian reparations for the number of times I’ve come here in the middle of the night and he’s had to leave his bed so that I can sleep in it with Nesta. But sometimes you need to have that bed, Az. You need a bed, and a friend, and if you want, I can do that for you.”

He didn’t know what to say, as always cowed the generosity of the female before him. The idea of her with him, not for anything other than rest, made his chest ache with wanting. Had he not pictured her here every night since their last? Had he not banished the House from his room so that he could try and preserve every part of her that she’d left behind?

He’d never wanted anything as much as he wanted her right now, in his bed, in his arms, doing for him what no one else could.

Azriel nodded at Gwyn, no trusting himself to say anything aloud. If he did, he would beg her to stay: for tonight, forever.

She smiled at him and started to strip his bed. An ounce of shame entered him at how truly filthy his room was, but he didn’t really care, not when she would never judge him, not when he was just trying to preserve the essence of her.

When the sheets were clean and blankets and pillows fluffed, she grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. He undressed until he was in his underwear and slid into the blankets. Expecting her to follow him immediately after, he was surprised when she started to rifle in his closet, pulling out the largest shirt he owned.

He tried not to watch her, but with her back to him, he was enthralled by her dress falling to the ground, all but her panties following suit. His shirt fell to her mid-thigh, and the slits in the back for his wings meant with each of her movements a slice of her back could be seen.

When she finally approached him, it was like the time, his life, without her had never happened. He opened his arms and she slid into them, snaking her legs through his and drawing him to her chest. He was practically atop her when she started humming a song they had once sung in harmony.

And for the first time in too long, he slept with no ghosts haunting him.

***

Azriel slept for twelve fucking hours. No dreams. No rude awakenings. Just pure, deep sleep.

He awoke facing Gwyn, his arms around her and her face tucked into his neck. Her head was on his pillow and her legs still wrapped around his, and by the looks of it, she had slept just as peacefully as him.

He shifted his body, trying to get up without waking her, but she grumbled in her sleep and pulled him closer. He knew he needed to get up, training with the females from the library began in half an hour, but how could he possibly when she was snuggled so contently into him?

“Gwyn,” he whispered, hesitant to wake her so that he didn’t have to let her go.

She smacked her lips and continued to snuggle, one of her hands starting to rub up and down his back as if to sooth him.

“Gwyn.”

“Shhhh. Just go back to sleep,” she muttered, the words barely discernible.

“I have to go train.”

She opened her eyes blearily, blinking sleep from them. She stretched her hands above her head and arched her back, making his shirt ride up to just below her underwear. He averted his gaze, trying to stay focused on her face.

“How long do you have?”

“Twenty-five minutes.”

“Okay, that’s enough time.” She sat up, smiling down at him. She smelt like she always did – like summer’s rain and freshly printed books.

“Enough time for what?” He tried not to look too reverent as he observed her, but he knew he was failing. With her hair lying in whisps around her face and her teal eyes brighter than a syphon, it was impossible to not want to bow before her.

“I wanted to tell you that I’ve seen Nesta and Emerie naked.”

“I – what?”

“I have. Lots of times. And I’m sure you’ve seen Cassian and Rhys naked. Nesta said at solstice you even all sit in a sauna in nothing but your skin for hours.”

“Yes, that’s true...”

“Here’s the thing, Azriel.” She pushed him onto his back, swinging a leg over his hips and straddling him. His dick was instantly alert, and he bit his lip to stop himself from growling at the way she looked atop him. “I see my friends naked. You see your friends naked. So, it only stands to reason that it’s perfectly normal for us to have seen every inch of each other’s skin, especially considering we’re best friends. Don’t you agree?”

“Yes,” he said, his voice strangled. “But I haven’t done the naked things I do with you with Cassian or Rhys.”

“Shame. That would be fun to imagine.” She laughed and hopped off him, bundling her dress up in her arms and walking towards the bathroom. “Azriel, this is to say that henceforth, there will be no awkwardness between us. No regrets. No holding back. We’re friends, and if, as friends, we slip and see each other in the nude, who cares?”

He was trying not to hyperventilate. She wasn’t mad at him anymore? There was no bitterness in her expression, just playfulness, and it reminded him so strongly of before that seeing her leaning against his bathroom door should have essentially been a flashback.

More than anything, he believed the truth in her words because he wanted to. He wanted the ease they once had to return, and he also couldn’t fault her logic.

“Friends?”

“Best friends,” he agreed.

***

Step one of the plan: friendship. An honest to the Cauldron, Mother above approved friendship.

Check.

Gwyn was confident with her Emerie and Nesta approved plan, and excited to see how her and Az might change as time went by. She didn’t care if it took weeks, months, or even years, for him to feel confident in their relationship, he needed to be more confident in himself �� which is exactly the sentiment that his mother had passed on to Gwyn about herself.

She also realised that she had to do her own healing if she was going to be with him. No more thinking she was broken or unlovable. She was Gwyn, warrior extraordinaire, twin to Catrin, heart sister to Emerie and Nesta. A person not worthy of love would not have such fine people who cared for her.

There was something she needed to do to achieve her own goal.

It was a few days after she had bombarded Azriel in his room. It was at that moment that she knew, truly, that more than a lover, Az needed a friend, and that what she was doing was the right thing.

Because she was in love him.

She wouldn’t tell him, not yet, it would just make him run further away.

He was watching her make them breakfast, eyes following her every move. She was making (not very successfully) blueberry and banana pancakes.

“I can help,” he said for the fiftieth time.

Gwyn held up the pan, which definitely did not contain burnt pancakes. “No need. Now sit down and prepare for the best breakfast of your life.”

She had not stayed with him last night, but she had the two before that. She had also gone back to training. She felt silly that she had ever stopped going, especially because of problems with a male of all things, but the distance was at the very least clarifying.

She looked at Azriel and sighed. Maybe it was hard to bake because he was sitting at the island in nothing but loose pants, his chiselled chest on full display.

He did not heed her command, getting up and coming to inspect her batter. He dipped a finger in and tasted it, moaning when it met his tongue. “Let’s just eat it raw,” he suggested.

“Do you like it raw? I do.” She dipped her own finger in, sucking on her finger just a second longer than she needed to.

It had the intended effect. He blushed from his cheeks to his chest. “Have you been talking to Rhys or Feyre?” He narrowed his eyes.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “No, should I be?”

He shook his head. His finger lingered near the batter, but she swatted it away. “If you keep eating it there won’t be any left for the actual pancakes.”

“I don’t think we’ll get a chance to eat them anyway.”

“Well, in that case.” She smiled demurely before dumping the contents of the bowl down his chest.

“Oh, you’re going to regret that.”

She laughed in delight as he pulled her into his chest, smearing the batter all over her.

***

“Up that road is Feyre’s studio, do you want to go?”

“Yes, and no. Maybe later? I want to see more of the city before the sun sets.”

Gwyn was holding onto his arm tightly as they ventured through Velaris. It was her first time in the city during the day, and Azriel was still in disbelief that she’d asked him to give her a tour of the city. She said she was trying to push her own boundaries, again, and that she did not want to do it alone. Of course he took the opportunity to be alone with her.

As he had the last week.

He did not know why, but things had been different since the day he’d settled things with Rhys and she had come into his room. She was with him the way she was before, before he’d hurt her, before everything tore to shreds between them. As perplexed as he was, he was not going to complain.

He led her through the streets, taking their time. Gwyn stopped at every store front, peeking in through the windows but rarely entering. It wasn’t until she stopped them in front of a familiar jewellery store that he innocuously tried to steer her away.

“Some of those pieces on display are beautiful,” she said, her nose nearly touching the window as she peered at the display. “Can we go in?”

He didn’t want to deny her, but why here? It was the source of one of his greatest embarrassments.

She must have noticed the heat on his cheeks.

“Oh no. This is where you got that necklace, isn’t it?”

He looked pained. Gwyn burst out laughing at his expression, pulling at his arm to leave the establishment.

“I would rather not relive that memory,” he told her.

“One day you’ll find it as funny as I do, and besides, it was the nicest thing I’d ever owned until, you know, it was taken back and thrown off the side of a mountain.”

“I went to look for it you know, so that you could keep it.”

She rested her head on his shoulder as they walked, and he moved his arm around her to tuck her into his side. They must have looked mighty romantic as they walked through Velaris, but he didn’t care who saw. Let the people know that Gwyn was with him, that she cared for him enough to entrust him with her safety.

“Just promise any future gifts you get me haven’t been vetoed by other females first and we’ll be fine.”

***

Gwyn sat in Feyre’s studio watching Nyx while she painted. Azriel sat in the corner looking over positively titillating trade negotiation forms – at least he was able to work near her. He hated the times over the past few weeks that he’d have to leave Velaris to fulfil whatever tasks Feyre or Rhys gave to him. Although, it did feel nice every time they were reunited. She held him extra tight when they slept, even though they had yet to touch in any other way.

Not that he wanted to – no, yes, of course he wanted to. He just didn’t want to take advantage of her because he knew she was open to the idea. He chuckled to himself over her naked analogy, and he would be lying if the image of her naked with Nesta and Emerie hadn’t accidentally popped into his head at the time.

“I used to run activities with the children at the temple.” He heard Gwyn saying to Feyre.

“Like what?”

Azriel was glad to see them talking. He may have reconciled with Rhys, but there was still a part of him that couldn’t help but worry that Gwyn would feel excluded by them.

“I helped with the choir and Catrin did dance classes for toddlers, although dancing is a generous description of what they did. It was adorable watching all those tots follow her around.”

Azriel put the documents down, narrowing in on their conversation. He wasn’t arrogant enough to believe that he knew everything about Gwyn, not at all, but he would bet his knowledge rivalled even Nesta’s. But this was new. Gwyn, in most of the stories she told about the temple, focused on the shenanigans of her and Catrin.

“It was nice, being around them. Children are a nice reminder of the innocence that remains, even after bad things. That was, of course, before… everything, but the sentiment still stands.”

Feyre looked over Gwyn thoughtfully, the former not noticing as Nyx brought Gwyn an abandoned brush, babbling as he showed it off to her. Gywn looked at it in wonder, and Nyx took that as a sign to plonk himself down in her lap.

“You should come to my classes,” Feyre said.

Gwyn’s mouth made a pretty little surprised ‘o.’ “Thank you for the offer, but I don’t think I’m ready to put myself out there like that just yet. I’m happy with what I have.”

“Not the ones with the adults, those are more for drinking wine and gossiping. I think you should help me with the children.”

“Why?”

“Because I think you’d gain as much from them as they would from you. These kids have been hurt, and lost things, but every day they prove how incredibly resilient they are. They remind me of you.”

Gywn looked down at Nyx. Azriel could practically see the wheels of her mind turning as she pondered Feyre’s words. “Can I think about it?”

“Sure, take all the time you need. We’ll always be here.”

Gwyn nodded, absentmindedly smoothing down Nyx’s dark hair.

The bell on the studio door dinged, but Az wasn’t worried. His shadows had warned him of Nesta’s impending arrival a while ago.

“Feyre? Gwyn?”

“Up here!” Feyre called back.

Nesta’s footsteps pounded as she came up the stairs, but she didn’t come into the room any further than a few steps.

“Gwyn, Emerie and I are going for a walk through the city, want to join us?”

Azriel was curious as to what Gwyn would say. She had yet to venture into the city, or anywhere other than the House or the library, without him at her side. And the cutting glance Nesta gave him as she asked the question informed him he was not welcome on this particular adventure.

“Okay,” Gwyn said suspiciously quickly. She got up, manoeuvring Nyx so he was standing in front of her. “Go to Az! Good boy!”

Azriel grinned as his nephew walked over to him with a slobbery smile on his face. Azriel enveloped him up, the documents he was meant to be reading long forgotten as he looked into the eyes of Nyx. Hopefully Nesta and Cassian would have a baby soon too, and then he would get to live with one. Which, if he had Gwyn, Nesta and Cassian would most certainly let him do.

Gwyn waved goodbye to them and hurried off with Nesta. Azriel wondered if Cassian had any idea what they were up to.

He sat in content silence with Feyre while Nyx made non-sensical noises. He still had his paint brush and was using it over the tattoos he could see on Azriel’s arms.

“So, are you two…” Feyre waved her hand around.

Azriel snorted, peppering a kiss to Nyx’s head. “No, we aren’t together.”

“Really? You could have fooled me.”

Feyre put down the brush she was holding. Setting her painting aside, she walked over to him in ridiculous, paint covered overalls. Even her hair had paint in it, even though she’d tied it out of the way. She sat at his feet, crossing her legs and using his legs as a backrest, not looking at him.

“Az?”

“Yes, Feyre.”

“That’s fucking stupid.”

“Excuse me?”

Feyre slid a hand around his calf, anchoring them together. “If you love her, you should be with her. I can’t see a single reason as to why you two are apart when you make each other so happy, and so glaringly love one another.”

Azriel burned at the words. Even if they were true, even if that’s how he felt, he didn’t feel like going into all the reasons with Feyre why being with Gwyn wasn’t the grand idea she thought it was.

Gwyn, effervescent light that she was, was not one he could taint with his darkness. What would happen if he let himself love her, fall so deeply into her in a way he never had with another, just for it to end in disaster? It would be torture for her, and it would about near kill him. It was better to not run the risk – it was better to wait, make her happy, until the right person came along. And when they did, when she found them and wanted them, he could step aside willingly to ensure that she was happy.

“Az, you shouldn’t think like that.”

His gaze snapped to her, but she hurried to defend herself.

“I didn’t want to hear you, you projected until I did.” She hurried to stand up, facing him with her hands on her hips and determination on her face. “Azriel, I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to answer honestly.”

Azriel sighed. “Okay.”

“Do you think Gwyn is an idiot?”

“What? No.”

“Do you think she immature?”

“No.”

“Incapable?”

“No.”

“Unable to make decisions for herself?”

“Of course not.”

“Do you think she made a mistake in befriending Nesta?”

“I – why would you even ask that?”

Feyre crossed her arms. “She believed in Nesta before anyone else did, even Cassian. She saw Nesta for who she really was before I did, she gave my own sister the grace that she needed when no one else thought to.”

“I don’t understand what this has to do with me.”

“Azriel, do you really think so little of Gwyn that you don’t believe she can make her own choices when it comes to someone she loves? Do you think so little of her intelligence and esteem that you presume she would be with you for any other reason than she thought you were the one for her?”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“No, it’s not. You say that you’ll be here for her until she finds the one she wants, but you’re it. Fuck, with every ounce of her being all she does is radiate her love for you. You want to step aside so she can be happy? You are her happiness, you buffoon. And the way you feel is the same way Rhys felt when he met me, and Nesta felt when for years she rejected what was between her and Cassian. If you truly believe in her intelligence than you have to acknowledge that if she wants you, it’s because you are just as worthy as everyone else she chooses to love. Nesta is a better for knowing Gwyn. Gwyn is the family Emerie always needed. And in a heartbeat she would give herself to you. Because you deserve all the love this world can offer you.”

“It’s not the same,” he mumbled.

“It is the same! Now say it.”

“Say what?”

“Say you love her. Acknowledge it. Ruminate in it. Then do something about it.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Say it.”

“Feyre.”

“Say it!”

“No.”

“Fucking say it!” She smacked him over the head.

“Fine! I love her. I love her so fucking much it hurts, okay? I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone, more than I thought I was capable of loving.” Azriel stood, placing Nyx down next to Feyre so that he could pace the room. “I don’t know when I started loving her, but I also can’t remember a time when I didn’t. Fuck, she is everything. She is the sun, Feyre. My life starts with her dawn and ends with her setting. I can’t live without her, but I can’t risk eclipsing her.”

Feyre strode to him, grasping him by the shoulders and shaking him. “The sun is still there even during an eclipse, Azriel. Give her the choice, let yourself be happy.” Her hands were hard, but her voice was gentle.

“Repeat after me. I deserve happiness.”

Az rolled his eyes but obliged. “I deserve happiness.”

“I deserve love.”

“I am worthy of a good life.”

“I’m going to be with Gwyn.”

“I’m going to be with Gwyn.” He felt the air rush out of him from the words, felt them settle within him. He swallowed hard, visions of the life they could have together rushing through his mind. From the smirk on Feyre’s face, he knew he was projecting again, but he didn’t care.

Gwyn being next to him every morning. Kissing her freely. Walking the streets of Velaris together. Seeing the joy on his mother’s face when he tells her he found the one. Her moving in, permanently. A wedding. A life. Children with his wings and her hair. Happiness.

He saw it all. He felt it all.

And when she was ready, he would have it all.

***

“Gwyn?”

“Go to sleep.”

“Gwyn.”

“Yes, Az.”

“I found Catrin.”

A pause the length of three of her heartbeats.

“Will you take me to her?”

“Yes.”

***

It had been years since Gwyn had been here. Had tasted the air, felt the ever-present breeze on her face. Somehow, everything was the exact same and yet completely different from the place she had once called home.

The temple had been re-built, but it was no longer available to the public. It instead was a private residence to anyone who had decided to stay after its desolation. Gwyn could have gone in if she wanted, visited the people she’d been raised with and reconvene with those she was familiar with, but even if the building no longer held the scars of Hybern’s attack, she still did. Despite her many positive memories there, ones she would cherish until the end of her days, she felt no desire to step foot in the temple ever again.

And it did not make her weak. It did not mean she wasn’t capable of greatness.

Catrin had been buried in the temple’s graveyard in a section dedicated to those who died in the attack, and whose bodies weren’t claimed. It gave Gwyn a knot in her throat to know she wasn’t here for Catrin afterwards, to find her a place where she could rest. If it had been up to Gwyn, she would have buried Catrin with her mother, or cremated her so they could stay together.

Her eyes burned, and she had to remind herself that Catrin’s violent end would not have stopped her sister from loving Sangravah, from wanting to be here.

Her and Azriel stood alone at her headstone. It read nothing but her name, and there was no one around to disturb them. The air was crisp, colder than Gwyn thought it would be this time of year, and already weeds and dandelions had spread throughout the area. There was no one to maintain the space anymore, and it showed.

“Do you want me to stay?” Azriel asked her, his warm hand holding hers.

“No,” she whispered. “I just want a moment alone with my sister.”

Azriel pressed a kiss to her forehead, giving her hand one last squeeze before stepping away. Gwyn knew he wouldn’t go far.

When he was no longer in sight, she sat down in front of Catrin’s headstone. She ran her fingers down the rough, grey stone, and chuckled when she realised how much Catrin would have despised how basic it was.

Could you not have found me something more opulent, Gwynie? As extravagant as I? she would have said.

“I’ll get you something better, don’t you worry.” Gwyn closed rested her forehead on the grass, imagining Catrin was next to her. When she opened her eyes, she could see her sister there, the familiar smile, the bright eyes, even her webbed hands, sitting across from her where the headstone would be.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to visit.”

Catrin remained silent.

“I miss you, so much. I – I wish you were here. I don’t think things would be so hard if you were here.”

Catrin blinked, a small smile on her face.

“Do you remember how much we wanted to travel when we were younger? You made those maps for us of all the routes we’d take, all the places we’d visit together. I don’t have those maps anymore, but sometimes, at night, I’ll try and recreate them. But I can’t remember the details.”

Gwyn released a shuddering breath. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she didn’t know how to say them.

“I try my best to remember you how you were. I feel so guilty when the only image I can conjure of you-” head separate from her body, a pool of blood larger than any she’d ever seen, Catrin’s lifeless eyes and fearful expression forever imprinted on her face, “-is the one from the end. I didn’t think we’d ever have an end. I thought it would be us, forever, from the moment we were born until we left, together.”

Gwyn saw their life like she was watching strangers perform it – two girls running around the temple, their mother never able to slow them down. The way they clung to each other like twins always do. The dancing, Catrin’s awful singing, the first time Catrin came home with a crush, Gwyn’s first kiss, the secrets they confided with just one another and the memories that were irreplaceable had all happened within eyesight of Catrin’s final resting place. She told Catrin these stories, wanting her sister to know that she hadn’t forgotten, that she would never forget, the life they’d had together. Entwined since conception – this was the only thing that could have separated them.

Gwyn stared at Catrin, the tears pooling in her eyes threatening to spill over. She didn’t want to contain them. She deserved to grieve all that she had lost, it didn’t make her any lesser.

“I’m sorry that I left you alone,” she sobbed, clutching a hand to her heart. “I’m sorry that you’ve been here so long. I wish you could be with me, you’d love what we’d have. A house in the sky and a whole family that we chose for ourselves. We’d be free, Catrin. You would have loved it.”

The tears flowed freely as she told Catrin of all her life had become. Of Nesta and Emerie, of the Valkyrie, how she found the male she’d spend the rest of her life with. She told her sister everything that had happened to her from the moment she’d died until now, as though they were just catching up.

Gwyn was immortal, and she had to come to terms with the fact that she’d live the vast majority of her live without her twin at her side. And with that, Gwyn knew she couldn’t waste a second with those she loved. No more hiding from the city. No more turning down invitations from Emerie or Nesta. No more waiting idly by when Azriel was right there, just standing there existing while she loved him. Gwyn would live her life to the absolute fullest in honour of Catrin, and she would have no regrets in doing so.

She closed her eyes again, uttering her final words of the day and the ones she knew would hurt the most. “I love you, Catrin. I miss you more every day. I’ll never stop thinking about you, about what I life would have been like. But I have to say goodbye.”

She opened her eyes.

And Catrin was gone.

***

Azriel watched Gwyn talk to her sister’s grave from a safe distance. Gwyn spoke to her for what felt like hours until she laid down, gazing up at the sky. He didn’t interrupt her, not wanting to spoil this moment between her and Catrin. Eventually, she sat up, running her fingers over the words Catrin Berdara. When she stood, he finally approached her.

Her eyes were red and face blotchy, and she shivered from either the cold or her grief. He wasted no time in enveloping her in his arms, wrapping his wings around her to block out the outside world.

“Is there anything I can do?” He ran a hand up and down her back, trying to warm her.

She shook her head. “Catrin and I had quite the discussion.”

He kissed the top of her auburn head.

“We decided I should tell you something.”

“Yes?” his voice filled with curiosity over what Gwyn might have concluded after seeing her sister’s grave.

“I’m ready, Az.”

“To go home?”

“No. I’m ready to love you if you’ll let me. I know it might take some time, but Az? As far as I see it, we’re inevitable, and I’m willing to wait as long as you need if it means we’re together.”

His eyes bulged, mouth going slack. Around anyone else, he would never dare show emotion in a vulnerable time, but with her he didn’t want to hide anything.

She was ready to love him?

“I don’t understand-”

“Azriel, you are the most extraordinary person I have ever met. I see you, every part of you, and there is not a single facet that I don’t love. I love your eyes, that see me for who I truly am. I love your hands, that make me feel worthy of happiness. I love your shadows, who feel like a friend. I love your sharp, intelligent, beautiful mind. I love you.”

He couldn’t breathe. This is what he had wished to hear in his wildest dreams, every thought he’d had about her, this fierce, wickedly beautiful fae, reciprocated. He could hear his hammering pulse, feel his blood rush through him, and if they weren’t in a bloody graveyard, he would take her right here like she had asked him to do in that alley.

“Say it again,” he whispered.

She placed her hands on his cheeks, her thumbs caressing him gently. “I love you, Azriel.”

“Once more.”

“Forevermore, Azriel, I love you.”

It started to rain, the small drops igniting on his skin, every single one of his nerve endings on high alert as he looked his future, his glorious, exuberant, happy future in the eyes. “I love you, too, Gwyneth Berdara.”

Her smile was earth shattering, and her lips on his was apocalyptic. As she kissed him, everything else faded from his view. The temple melted away, the grass and trees and landscape fizzled out until there was nothing but her and the sky. There was no history between them, no other had ever touched their bodies, they were just two beings perfectly made for one another.

She was his home.

***

He winnowed them as close to the House as possible, flying them the rest of the way. He never let go of her, and Gwyn would have rebelled if he had even tried.

This was it. This was their end and beginning. Their before was officially over, and they were propelled into the now. Now their life began, now they could be together.

Gwyn didn’t take notice as to whether anyone else was in the House, her focus solely on Azriel. The way his hair moved as he rushed to his room, the molten look in his eyes and the focus on his face as he near ran to his room, his arms never wavering in their strength. When he did have to stop kissing her, she took the opportunity to press her lips to whatever skin she could find. The cheek, neck, that one little spot behind his ear that he loved.

He slammed his door behind them before pressing her into it, her legs wrapped around his hips and his hands under her thighs.

“I love you,” she moaned.

“I love you I love you I love you,” he whispered to her, his hand sneaking up her dress. “Then, now, always and forever. I love you, Gwyn.”

“Azriel, I – I need-”

“Tell me what you want, anything I have is yours.”

Her breath shuddered. “I want to taste you. I need my mouth on you.”

He nodded, bringing them to the bed. Just like that very first night, he held her in his lap, his arms around her and supporting her body. She pushed him back, forcing him to lie down so she could be atop him. She never broke their kiss, never stopped her hands from roaming over his body. His hands, his beautiful hands, cupped her ass firmly, keeping her steady. As much as she loved this feeling, she wanted more of him.

She leant back so she could pull her dress over her head. She was wearing a coat, at some point, and had dumped it, at another unknown point. She had also kicked her shoes off, and Cauldron knew what part of the House they were scattered in. She was left in a bra and panties, a basic white pair that should have held no appeal at all, and yet he looked at her with such adoration that she nearly came just from his gaze.

Once again, she caught his lips in hers, sweeping her tongue into his mouth. His moan reverberated through her body, and she shimmied down until she was on her knees and faced with the button on his pants.

His arousal was clear, and she could feel how wet she was just from the knowledge that she did that to him – that he wanted her that much.

Azriel shifted, just to pull his shirt over his head, exposing his glorious chest to her. She wanted to trace each line of his tattoos with her tongue, but that could wait. Right now, she needed to taste him. She popped open the button, manoeuvring his cock so it was free. She could never fit the whole thing in her mouth as much as she tried, but that’s why she had been blessed with hands.

She pressed a gentle kiss to the head, Azriel’s hands tangling themselves in her hair and pulling just enough so that she knew how this affected him. One lick, from the base to the head, her tongue dragging across the sensitive skin, had him whispering her name reverently.

She engulfed him in her mouth, sucking and licking in a way she knew would make him feral for her, her hand wrapping around the rest of him, following the pattern she had made for herself. She left no part of him untouched, working to make him unravel before her.

His deep moans signalled how close he was, and it only spurred her to take him further, her eyes watering as he hit the back of her throat. She loved it, loved him, and she couldn’t wait to be consumed by him.

“I’m – I’m nearly there,” he warned her.

She sucked harder, her hands working the rest of him, leaving no inch of his cock untouched.

His whole body shook with release as he threw his head back, practically yelling her name. She swallowed every ounce he offered her before leaning back.

He pulled her up so she was lying atop him, his mouth capturing hers in a furious kiss. Usually, she could lie like this for hours, satisfied with his tongue lightly stroking hers, but she’d waited so long to have him, and she couldn’t bear to live another minute without knowing how he felt inside her.

“Az?”

“Gwyneth.”

“Now, please.”

He chuckled lightly. “My love, you’ll have to wait a few minutes after a performance like that. But I have an idea on how we can fill the time.”

He repositioned them. In her haste to taste him, they were still perched on the edge of his bed. He led them to the middle, pulling off his pants so he was fully naked before her. She could already see the beginnings of his next erection, but she would let him fill their time anyway. Anything he wanted he could have. All that she was, and would ever be, would always belong to him.

He rolled them so she was on top of him again, but instead of kissing her like he had before, he dragged her thighs up so she was straddling his abdomen.

“Keep coming,” he urged, his smile sly, his hands still pulling her forward.

Once she realised what he was doing, she was more than a willing participant. She moved so that her thighs were either side of his head, his mouth in line with her dripping core.

“Do you care about these?” He pulled on her underwear, letting it snap back into place.

“Not particularly.”

“Good.” He ripped them off her, flinging them to the side.

She gasped at the action, the possessiveness such a small movement implied, and it made her clit throb. Everything he did made her want to roll her hips in ecstasy, and as she held herself above him she wondered if his bedframe was sturdy enough for what they had in store for each other.

“Sit,” he ordered. “I don’t understand why you always try to hover.”

“I don’t want to suffocate you,” she laughed.

“Hmm, but at least I would die a very, very happy male.”

Wrapping his hands around the tops of her thighs, he yanked her hips down. She stuttered at the sudden contact, a strangled gasp escaping her as he licked up her wet centre, his moan making her clench her thighs together.

She felt like she was being devoured, he always knew exactly which points to hit and with the perfect pressure, and within moments she was grinding down on his face, pressing her own into the wall as her body contorted from the pleasure.

“Fuck, Az, don’t stop,” she moaned, loud enough that she hoped Cassian and Nesta weren’t home, knowing surely they would hear her screams.

He heeded her words, worshipping her with his tongue, every stroke a way for them to make up for lost time. She pressed her face into the cool wall and braced her hands on his bedframe, the feeling of his mouth on her almost too much to bear. She could feel her orgasm welling inside her, pressure clanging through her body as the intense feeling built. She could barely breathe as she climaxed, his tongue flicking and licking her clit until she was shaking above him, moaning his name like it was the only word she knew.

She collapsed next to him when he was done, tucking herself into his side. She was covered with sweat, and barely noticed when he, with just one hand, undid the clasp on her bra and slid it off her body.

He pressed kisses to her forehead, cheek, neck, before burying his head in her chest and taking a nipple in his mouth.

“Azriel,” she whispered, smoothing back his hair.

He hummed in response, gently biting on her left nipple. It made her arch her back in response, and she only saw it fitting to caress the one spot on his wing that she knew drove him crazy.

“What do you want?” he murmured to her.

“You know what I want.”

“Tell me, I want to hear you say it.”

She tilted his chin up with her thumb so he was looking at her. His face was serene, the storms in his eyes finally calm, his lips parted slightly.

It was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen, and a smile overcame her when she realised that this, that he, was what she would be seeing for the rest of her life. No more restlessness or yearning, no more envy or pain, she had what people spent an existence trying to find.

“I… I want everything, Azriel. I want today, I want a lifetime.”

“Stay here, live here.” He lifted himself over her, pressing their bodies together and leaning on his forearms so his entire body weight wasn’t on her. “I’ve wasted so much time, let’s not waste anymore.”

“Az-”

“Gwyn, I-” he cleared his throat, his eyes shining. “Before we continue, take that last step, I need you to know how sorry I am. The way I’ve hurt you and the way I’ve driven you away are things I’ll regret for the rest of my life.”

“Azriel,” she said softly, wrapping her legs around him.

“I promise you, never again. I’m all in. You’re the one, Gwyn. You’re the love I never thought I’d have, the love I didn’t think was real until Rhys and Cassian found it. I swear my devotion will be unending, and by the Cauldron, you will be happy with me Gwyn. I’ve never been so sure of something in my life. I am so, so sorry that it took me so long to realise.”

She rested her forehead on his, closing her eyes. “I love you.”

“I think – I think for someone like you to love me, that I must be a better person than I thought I was.”

“Tomorrow, I’ll tell Clotho that I won’t be living in the library anymore.”

A single tear fell from Azriel, falling onto Gwyn’s cheek. He kissed it away, pressing them closer together. She could feel his length pressing into her stomach, and one hip movement from her would have him sliding over the still sensitive bundle of nerves he’d just marked as his own, but she didn’t want to interrupt this moment.

She bumped her nose to his, and he returned it with a kiss. “You’ll live here with me?”

“On one condition.”

“Anything,” he promised.

“Do you know the room, two floors down, that overlooks Velaris? With walls of windows?”

Azriel had once explained to her that during the House’s conception, it was a dignitary’s suite. It was nearly self-sufficient on its own, only lacking a kitchen. It was where Rhys had taken Feyre after he’d first taken her from the Spring Court.

“I want us to live there. I love that we began here, in this room, but we need something bigger, that we can fit a family in.”

“A family?”

She nodded, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “In the future. Distant future. Is that something you want?”

The way he looked at her took her breath away – like she was who strung the cords of the earth together, like she set the sun and hung the stars. He looked at her like they were immortal but she was infinity.

“That is something I want. I want everything with you.”

“I’ll talk to Nesta, we’ll have it all arranged.”

“You don’t need to talk to her. We have a sentient House, we could move now if we wanted. She’ll say yes, I have no doubt-”

She interrupted him by finally lifting her hips, moving herself against him, telling him without words what she needed, what it was time for. They need not talk any longer, any specifics could be figured out another day. Right now was just for the two of them.

He kissed her again, the all-consuming, all-encompassing kind that left her hot and breathless.

He didn’t break their eye contact as he moved his hand between them to angle himself into her.

“You’re sure this is okay?” he asked gently.

She nodded, caressing his face with her hands. She once expected to feel nervous or scared for a moment like this, but all she felt was love and joy. She felt safe. There was not a single inch of her that wasn’t ready for him.

He whispered a warning that made her laugh lightly, “I’m bigger than most, we’ll have to go slow,” but she wasn’t worried. Her body was made for his. And, when the timing was right, she would show him exactly how far that sentiment stretched. After all, the wraith in her meant her flexibility was unparalleled, and she was excited for him to take full advantage.

She squirmed slightly as he pushed himself into her. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, it was just starkly new. Azriel and her had dabbled many a times in self-pleasure, and there had been circumstances where instruments were used to increase hers, but it was different now. It wasn’t just some object. It was the male she loved, moving their bodies together to bring them both to the edge.

There was also the fact that her, Nesta and Emerie had snuck away to a very scandalous store and bought items that Gwyn used nightly not just to relieve herself, but to prepare for the sheer size of him. Two birds one stone.

“You okay?”

“Deeper, Az.”

“Are you sure?”

“Fuck yes.”

Every inch of him set her alight, the fullness making her feel a sense of completeness. He kissed her as he thrusted further, and when he was in to the hilt, she sighed happily. She took a second to adjust herself, adoring the way she felt around him. She ran her hands down his back, feathering across his wings before landing on his glorious ass. She squeezed, urging him to move.

“You’re ready?”

In response, she moved her hips to his, making him move ever so slightly. The way he moaned was better than any symphony Gwyn had ever heard.

And then he moved. And by the Cauldron, did he move.

Azriel was a humble man, and he had not exaggerated his size. Every movement had her stretching deliciously, his body so close to hers and angled just right so that his pelvis dragged across her clit with each thrust.

As he thrusted, her words nothing but pleasured, indiscernible syllables, his shadows danced around them, twining in and out of the crevices between their bodies, growing in size. Soon, they filled the room, vibrating as they responded to the energy Az and Gwyn were creating, and it was as though they were the only ones to exist. It was like making love in the night sky, unencumbered by the threat of gravity. Gwyn loved his shadows. They had always drawn her in, been a personable extension of him, and how could she not love any part of Azriel?

With every thrust, she felt a pressure unlike anything else growing in her. He kept hitting this one spot so perfectly that with each movement of his hips she would cry out. He kept mumbling her name, like she was undoing him each time her hips met his.

“Fuck, I love you,” he managed to cry, the words barely more than a grunt.

She responded only with a groan, her hands running down his back, her nails leaving red paths in their wake.

The pressure inside her grew, but it went beyond where they connected. It was like each of her cells were threads, reaching out and binding to themselves to him. Her heart, already so full, felt like it was about to implode. It was like she could feel him, feel his soul, tying itself to her irrevocably.

Her impending orgasm would probably be the best of her fucking life if this were anything to go by.

Her hands moved up his back until they landed on either side of his face. Whenever her eyes weren’t fluttering back uncontrollably from the pleasure, they were looking into his. She caressed his cheeks, breathing him in.

“You’re so beautiful,” she told him. “Your hands.” She reached for where they rested above her head, supporting Azriel’s weight. She intertwined their fingers before kissing him again. “They’re my favourite part of you.”

“That’s your favourite part?” He punctuated his words with another thrust, and she was close, so so so close, and she knew he was too.

“Second favourite part,” she choked.

She was whimpering his name at this point, drunk on the endorphins spiralling through her body. That feeling was climbing to a near unbearable point.

And then it hit her.

As she fell over that edge, tumbling into an abyss she didn’t know possible, Azriel falling alongside her, her name a prayer on his lips, it hit her.

As he looked at her, his eyes widening as those threads linked evermore, she knew he felt it too, that he knew the truth as irrefutably as she did.

Azriel’s shadows exploded around them. His windows shattered, blown away by the force of what Azriel was feeling. The bed shook, splintering beneath them, paintings fell from the walls, and Azriel wrapped her into his arms as he released into her.

“Azriel-”

“You’re my mate,” he gasped.

“You’re my mate,” she confirmed, unable to help the tears that fell from her eyes. This feeling, this knowing, was overwhelming.

This was it. Their lives started now.

***

A/N: Following this at some point will be a fluffy epilogue!

#gwynriel #Azriel #acotar #acosf #acomaf #acowar #acosaf #nessian #emorie #fanfic

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