#how am i supposed to just sleep after this

[bvtbxtch]

Loved and Lost | Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

A/N: I got a cute little request that ended up becoming a full ass one shot (I told you all I am a yapper!). I hope you enjoy! Like always, the title is a working title and if you can think of one that better suits this story, PLEASE let me know! I am so sleep deprived and I have no creative juices left!

Content Warnings: My blog is 18+ so MDNI! fluffy fluff! friends to strangers to lovers, pining, hurt/comfort (if you squint), a little bit of idiots in love maybe, mentions of anxiety, kissing, straddling, crying and swearing. Use of Y/N, This has NOT been proofread

W/C: ~7.3k (LMAO just when I thought I was getting better at shorter fics)

Masterlist

It had been three years since you moved out of Forest Hills Trailer Park and two years since you had hardened your heart to Eddie Munson. 

Once one of the only people who would follow Eddie around like a puppy, the two of you were inseparable. Hawkins Elementary and Secondary had never seen such a dynamic duo. Eddie, the fearless leader scrounging for any adventure he could take you on; and you, a quiet artistic daydreamer that would rather listen to Eddie read you the Hobbit, but you followed with your clammy hand in his. You would draw him new character sketches from the DnD guide he stole from a garage sale; he would always beam at you after you had finished a new doodle for him. My own custom DnD guide! The teachers would joke that they would be seeing your wedding announcement in the Hawkins Post in two decades; you would stop and chide them for such comments if you didn’t secretly wish it was true. You were only 14 when your friendship was at its prime, and you guessed you assumed that every girl with a boy best friend eventually had an innocent crush on their counterpart. 

It was the summer going into freshman year where your world felt like it had an anvil dropped on it. Eddie and you had grabbed your beat up bikes and ended up in a young Tommy Haye’s acreage - fire booming and smuggled beers warming on a rotten picnic table. You and Eddie were giddy - technically your first high school party. The night ended in you throwing up on Bobby Wilkinsons shoes, heart swollen with ache and liver refusing the excess alcohol you had drank. Eddie’s night, on the contrary, ended with him losing his virginity to Lisa Hamilton - one of the most popular girls at Hawkins Secondary - after a rather rousing game of 7 minutes in heaven. You didn’t even get a turn, leaving the circle after Eddie and Lisa had come back from behind the bushes, cheeks flushed and lips kiss-swollen. Eddie took a proud seat beside you and nudged your arm. You couldn’t be there. You trudged to the front of the house, expelled anything that would come out of your stomach and wobbled away on your bike. You let your tears drag down your cheeks as you rounded into the gravel roadway of the trailer park. You threw yourself on your bed, wishing that this was all a bad dream you could wake up from. 

Eddie had tried to call you for days after, but you left him unanswered; Begging your parents to tell Eddie you were sick or busy, even when he came knocking on your front door. 

Everything fell apart two days later. Your mother told you that your summer would consist of chores at your grandmas in Arkansas and when you came back, the familiarity of the trailer park was replaced with a small house on the outskirts of town.

Eddie tried calling you, to the lack of your knowledge, almost every day. Your parents relayed that you weren’t home, but even when your mom gave Eddie your grandma’s number, you still heard radio silence from your supposed best friend. He saw the for sale sign in front of your lot and took the hint that you didn’t want to see him again. You often replay that summer in your head and wish how different things could have been. You wished you wouldn’t have been so stubborn, you wished your parents told you he called, you wished that you called him from away - you knew his number almost by heart. You wished that when you came back you knocked on his door and told him how you felt; the summer away only strengthened the love you had for him. You realized too late that you would rather have Eddie as a friend than not in your life at all. You biked to Hawkins High, a much longer (and lonelier)  trek than from the trailer park. You watched Eddie fall to the bottom of the social hierarchy throughout freshman year while you found your comfortable group of friends in the art club.

But it was too little too late, three years had gone by and you had barely spoken a single word to the metalhead. 

You admired him from afar, appreciating how the past few years had shown on him. His jaw had sharpened as he lost his childlike cheeks. His Adam's apple bobbed and you could see some stubble lining his chin every once in a while. The Eddie that used to be your friend had shoulder length, frizzy curls; but as his hair grew, his curls tamed and framed his angular face beautifully. The cupid’s bow that shaped his adolescent lips filled out with his face and although he was still lanky, a layer of muscle had formed around his limbs. The doodles that he drew on his skin during grade 7 math had become permanent fixtures, but the old casio watch that he had gotten when he turned 12 remained on his left wrist. It was an odd feeling of melancholy, still feeling like you knew so many things about the stranger that passed you in the hallway.

Him and Lisa didn’t last, especially after Eddie’s descent into social suicide. They paraded with hands interlocked until Lisa made the cheer team and Eddie joined Hellfire. You watched Eddie’s bright eyes dulled and you watched the toll of social ostracization weigh Eddie down. You hadn’t seen him with another girl since. It had been two and a half years and part of you hoped Eddie hadn’t been with another girl, not like your opinion mattered.

You sat yourself at a corner table in the library and pulled out your walkman. You placed your headphones over your ears as you grabbed your notebook and pencil. The sounds of your newest mixtape drowned out the buzz of the fluorescent lights and chatting students. You absorbed your whole mind into your work - you had begun a new commission that you received at the Hawkins Farmers Market last weekend. It was your own way of making money and staying independent in a world that felt like it was starting to strangle you more and more. You had been saving up to buy an old van and go across the country - or even just away from here - and making your art. You slipped the crinkled photo of the border collie you were commissioned to draw and smiled back at the bright eyes in the photo.

You didn’t hear anyone approaching at first, the loud synth of the Eurythmics drowned any noise. It was just you and the pup you were tasked to draw. It wasn’t until you felt a knock on the side of the table that you jolted your headphones off your ears. Your eyes stayed wide in bewildered surprise of who stood over you. You cleared your throat hastily and squeaked out a small apology. A lopsided (albeit, nervous) smile glinted back at you, a sight that you truly thought you would never be on the receiving end of.

“That looks amazing,” the baritone voice quipped. You could barely will your voice to work.

“Thanks, but I just started… I have lots of work to do on it.” You couldn’t help but fix your eyes to the paper in front of you. 

Weight shifted in front of you and a ringed hand pulled out the chair across from you. He waited to sit, giving you the opportunity to tell him to go away if you really wanted to. You gestured your hand as an invite for the figure in front of you to sit. His brown eyes studied you carefully as you heard the chains adorning his hips clanged against the wooden frame.

“What can I do for you, Eddie?” saying his name felt foreign, but familiar at the same time. Were you in an alternate timeline where you and Eddie speak? Eddie sighed in a poor attempt to loosen the knot in his chest. He knew that you were the last person you expected to talk to, and although he felt anxious, he didn’t feel unwelcome.

“Well, I was wondering if I could get your help with something…” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“See, we just finished a really grueling DnD campaign, the Hellfire guys and I, and I really wanted to get them something special. So, I was wondering, if I gave you their character sheets and descriptions, if you could make them some artwork of their characters? I would pay you, of course, and if it makes it easier, I can help you with any details or anything else that you may need. I just really want to do something nice for them. For a lot of them, it’s their last campaign.” You listened deeply to Eddie’s proposal. Although you refused to show it on the outside, your heart constricted at his thoughtfulness. It also panged with melancholy, as you wished that he would have done something that heartfelt for you; maybe things would have been different.

“That’s really nice, Eddie.” Your brain was telling you no, that this was a sure-shot way to get your heart broken into a million pieces again. But your heart soared, it just felt right. “Sure, I’ll help you. When do you need them?”

“You are the best, duckie. Thank you” Eddie beamed. Duckie. The nickname he gave you in fourth grade. Because you won’t stop squawking, he had joked. Eddie’s face matched yours: a mix of horrified surprise. “Y/N, I… I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from” you waved him off. 

“I could get them done by next week, depending on how many characters there are. “ Eddie felt like he could lunge across the table and kiss you, but he settled for messily scribbling onto a rogue sticky note sitting by your pencil case and sticking it to the table near your hand.

“Here’s my phone number in case you have any questions, or if you wanna come over and look at some of the other resources I have. But, I can toss you over those character sheets tomorrow, if that’s okay.” The boy seemed to talk a mile a minute. Not much has changed, you thought. You gave him a nod and a curt smile. Eddie backed away giddily, barely able to take his eyes off of you and almost running into several carts and shelves of books. 

“Oh! And you name your price, Du- Y/n. Whatever you want, you got it” Eddie all but skipped out of the library and you cradled your head in your hands, finally able to fully exhale.

Fuck.

You slouched into school the next morning, already wishing the day was over. You had finished the rest of your commission that evening, staying up late into the hours of the morning to finish it. You didn’t know if it was your anticipation of pouring time into Eddie’s commissions, or the procrastination of sleep and preventing your brain from thinking about the way Eddie looked at you like he did when you were in eighth grade, but you worked far beyond when you would have normally called it for the night. Small crescents formed above your cheeks and the May sunshine stung your eyes. You opened your locker to a manila envelope that had been slid through the top of your locker. You opened the envelope to a collection of chicken scratch on grid paper. The contents smelled suspiciously of weed and as you pulled out some of the papers, you could see the remnants of pizza grease on some of the writings. You couldn’t help but smile, knowing that memories were made over these papers. Victories were celebrated and losses recouped. There was love and care in these pages like these imaginary people were real. Your brows furrowed as you saw a green bill and a note paperclipped to it. You pulled it out and studied it carefully, astonished that you were holding a one hundred dollar bill in your hands. You removed the note and read it carefully.

A Deposit. -E

You folded the bill and put it in your jean pocket, slamming your locker shut once the character sheets were secured inside. You made your way down the hall and around the corner to the drama room. You peered inside to see a flurry of black and white raglans and mop heads of hair. You walked up to the boy you were searching for, perched on the only throne around the oak table full of maps and figurines. 

“Eddie, I-I can’t accept this.” You pulled the bill from your pocket and extended your hand towards him. Multiple eyes had made a confused purchase on you, a stranger, walking into their space and talking to their DM. Eddie quickly stood and led you out of the room, his hand hovering over the small of your back. When you were out of earshot from the rest of the club, Eddie sighed at you.

“It’s payment. I need to pay you.” He stated plainly.

“This is more than I would ever charge you” you insisted, pushing the bill into his hand. Eddie grabbed your wrist and hastily turned your palm upward. Your skin erupted in heat where he had grabbed you. His ringed hand folded over yours, slotting the money back into your grip.

“Sweetheart, I insist.” His eyes were warm, but firm. The familiarity of Eddie’s hard headedness reminded you that you were not going to win this fight. You looked deep into his eyes, a final challenge to get him to take the money back; but he was decided. You still knew that once Eddie Munson had made up his mind, no one could change it. 

“You don’t have to do this, Eddie. I wasn’t going to charge you at all.” Eddie scoffed at you. 

“Why the hell would you do that? You’re not doing that for free. You don’t owe me anything.” Eddie’s voice was unfamiliar, reminding you that after all that you had been through, he really was just a stranger in front of you. Maybe he didn’t feel the pull that you did, but it just seemed right to do the project. It felt right to do something for him.

You sighed in defeat and pulled your hand away from Eddie’s. You peeped a small alright before turning around and retreating to your locker. Eddie watched you turn away, his hand already missing the feeling of touching you again. He wanted to run after you so badly, just to bask in your presence a little longer, but suddenly, his feet were made of lead. 

-

You spent the next three days combing over all of the details of the five characters in front of you. You had so much detail, the boys of Hellfire meticulously pruning all details they possibly could. They made your job easy, but your anxiety wracked your brain. What if you were missing something big? Something you didn’t see but they all knew? You couldn’t lie to yourself, the second that Eddie had given you his phone number, every fibre of your heart wanted to call him. Now that you actually had a reason to, could you bring yourself to do it? You groaned in frustration after staring at the phone for 20 minutes. Fuck this, You thought. You hastily grabbed the mustard yellow receiver and spun Eddie’s numbers across the rotary. You bit down on your lip as the dial tones droned through your ears. Finally, you heard a raspy breath on the other side of the line. It took Eddie two hellos for you to will yourself to say something.

“E-Eddie, hi, sorry, it’s uh… It’s me - Umm, it’s Y/N” 

“Yeah, Hey.” Eddie responded coolly. It took everything in his power not to add how badly he wanted you to call him and how happy you finally had. “What’s going on?”

“Well, I have finished some beginning sketches for the characters, but I am worried I’m missing something. I was wondering if I could run these by you before I start the final drafts of them?” You wished you stopped talking there. You wished you waited for Eddie to respond, but your body hijacked your common sense. “I could bike over and show you-”

“Woah, woah, duckie. You don’t need to bike over” Your heart was in your ass. How could you be so stupid? Eddie wasn’t your friend. He was a customer. You were a transaction. This was nothing but a business interaction. You wished you could go back to three days ago and say no to him so this conversation would have never happened. You could have gone back to admiring and cheering on from afar, Eddie could have stayed a distant memory of what could be. 

“I’ll come get you. Let me know where you are and I’ll be there in 10.”

-

You sat on your front doorstep and waited for Eddie to pull up. You sat up straight when you heard a rattling muffler and Ozzy Ozbourne’s wailing voice turn onto your street. You hastily looked at your watch - 10:47pm, the dusk of Hawkins’ evening fading into night. You worried your neighbours would complain about the noise, so you trudged down your small driveway to meet the oncoming van at the curb. Eddie screeched to a halt at your feet and greeted you with rosy cheeks and a wide smile. 

“Hop in!”

The ride back to Eddie’s trailer was filled with comfortable silence. Your heart thumped as you bobbed your head to the next Ozzy track that played and you rounded the familiar roads that led you back to your childhood. It felt odd being back, but you also felt like you were transported to the past, like nothing had changed between you and Eddie. You were both still 14 and stealing beers from the Wilkinsons’ outdoor fridge, sneaking out to sit on Eddie’s trailer roof and watch the sunrise. You felt the nerves you did the first time you drew the head of curls that sat across from you, the boy that would silently read with you, or got you high for the first time.

“It looks the exact same” you peeped fondly as you pulled in front of the Munson trailer. 

“Yeah well you know Wayne and I aren’t the interior decorator types.” You giggled and Eddie’s smile got impossibly wider.”I didn’t think you’d remember what it looked like.”

You allowed Eddie to lead you up the cement steps to his front door. He held the flimsy screen open for you as you stepped through the threshold of the outside world and into a place you used to call your second home. Everything was the same. You ran your hand over a shelf of mugs fondly, and eyed family photos that had collected dust over years of watching the household grow up and old. Eddie took joy in watching you rediscover, reminding yourself of the memories these walls held. He thought of them and you frequently; too scared to ask you to reminisce with him, but overjoyed that you were now back in his space. 

“So,” he sat on the couch in front of the shabby coffee table. “Show me what you got” Eddie couldn’t help the teasing grin that spread across his face. Out of his surprise, you gave him a shy smile back. You sat beside him and unsheathed your drafts from your notebook.

“So, this is what I have so far. You guys made amazing character sheets - gave me a lot to work with. But I just wanted to make sure that I got all the details right, that someone wasn’t imagining something looking like something else and….” Your voice muffled as Eddie stared at the pieces of art that blessed his table. His plump lips turned into a small ‘oh’ and his eyes widened, desperate to take in every detail of the work you had created. His eyes only soften when he turns to you, heart swelling as he watches your eyes shine with fervent inspiration. You reminded him how smart you were, how detail oriented you were. How absolutely brilliant you were. He admired the way your cheeks flushed pink as you went through your process. Eddie couldn’t help but look at your lips. He could lean over and kiss you, you were so close. 

“Eddie?”

“Huh?”

“I said, what do you think?” You looked to him, brows furrowed in anxiety.

“If these are just the drafts, I can’t even imagine how amazing the finals are going to look.” You sighed and let out a small laugh in relief. 

“Alright, tell me what you want to change.”

Eddie spent the last hour and a half telling you about the progression of his campaign. It was your turn to admire the feverish storyteller in front of you. Eddie always had a way with words and with people. It didn’t surprise you at all that he had formed such a tight knit group to play with. You had seen the freshmen of his troupe follow him around Hawkins like little minions, but you could tell he cared for them greatly. Eddie’s eyes shone and his hands waved around as he shifted his weight to face you on the couch. He brought out his DM guide to show you some of the monsters in his new campaign when you felt your cheeks go hot. While Eddie absently flipped through pages, you saw your early works lining the page. You shook your head in awe: Eddie Munson was still using the Dungeon Master’s guide that you had customized for him half a decade ago; before there was Hellfire, or a campaign, it was you and Eddie in his bedroom flipping through the book in awe. Your drawings were secured with colorful tape that you had found in Wayne’s old toolbox - the colours now faded, but still recognizable to you.

You looked up to the metalhead, eyes full of tears. Eddie’s words caught in his throat as he looked at you.

“Duckie, what’s… What’s wrong?” He threw the book to the table and studied your face carefully. 

“The… your guide.” it's all you had to say before Eddie’s eyes shone with tears like yours. It’s all you could handle to say and it was all he could manage to hear. There was a heaviness, an understanding between the two of you: mutual regret. Longing to touch, to say all the things that you wished you could do the past three years. 

“Why would I get another one when this is the best one I could ever get?” You flash Eddie a heartbroken smile. You missed him so much. You looked down to your drafts, now dotted with notes and circles of small adjustments. You knew you were here for a job, but the boy in front of you understood as well as you did. You being here just felt right.

“Oh fuck.” Eddie exclaimed. “It’s almost 1 am…” he looked down at his wrist. You looked at him in panic.

“Damn it, my mom is gonna kill me.” You scrambled to pick up the loose drawings and shove them back into your notebook. Eddie was up on his feet by the time you were packed up.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

The streetlights highlighted Eddie’s complexion every couple of seconds and you couldn’t help but admire the man that was sitting beside you. He had shed his battle vest and leather jacket and donned a black hellfire crewneck. His black jeans had been traded for a pair of sweatpants and his hair frizzed lightly around his pale complexion. His neck bobbed as he idly drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He had looked at you and smiled, but he seemed deep in thought. He was a beautiful mystery giving you a vulnerable flash every few seconds. Eddie nibbled at his bottom lip as he turned onto your street, music down low as not to wake any neighbours. The van puttered into park in your driveway and the console light flicked on as Eddie turned the keys to quiet the engine. Your eyes found each other and although the threat of getting busted loomed just 10 feet away, you were stuck under his gaze; his silent pleas for you to stay just a moment longer beating out the need to leave. The two of you plunged into darkness as the light dimmed again, seemingly pulling you from your trance. 

“I-I should go.” You whispered. Eddie nodded solemnly.

“Thanks again, duckie. You’re really going above and beyond. The guys are going to love them” You flash Eddie one more smile as you turn and open the door. You turn to close the door, the light illuminating your frame one last time. 

“Thanks for the ride, Eddie, and for your help with the drawings.” There was a force dominating you, refusing to let you close the door just yet. You let Eddie drink in the sight of you one last time before you begrudgingly peeled your eyes off of him and shut the door carefully. Eddie watched you retreat into the darkness of your house and out of sight.

Eddie Munson didn’t cry. He rarely kept his emotions on his sleeve. But Eddie Munson missed you, arguably the best thing to ever happen to you.

He let the tears flow down his hot cheeks until he was back in his own driveway.

-

Eddie’s dreams were haunted by you. Your lips that so slightly turned up into a smile to the point where your eyes crinkle. He missed your laugh. He was so perplexed how someone who now, surely, was a total stranger also felt like home. He dreamed of your arms around his neck, your pillowy lips pressing into his. His dreams tormented them, feeling too real. He woke up with a gasp, the ghost of you lingering on his skin. He flopped his messy curls back down on his pillow.

-

You were in a similar state. Eddie’s hands on yours lingering in your subconscious. It was unbelievable how the boy made you feel like nothing had changed between the two of you; but you felt the tension between you pulling tighter. You dreamed about being in Eddie’s van mere hours ago. Your mind wandered about how easy it would have been to fall into his arms and let him envelop you in his embrace. You wondered what Eddie’s mouth tasted like. Was he still smoking? You imagined a mix of smoky weed and sweet cinnamon gum - at least that’s what he used to chew all the time when you were friends. Your mind drifted back to the toothless grin that met you in the third grade, how his curls bounced like he did on the balls of his feet. His big brown eyes were as bright as they were today, but his dusting of freckles were much more prominent when he was younger.

When you woke up, you felt a deep pain in your chest. Longing. Instead of attempting to lull yourself to sleep, you kicked your bedding off of your legs and shuffled over to your desk. You plucked your lamp on and spread out five pieces of watercolour paper and brought out your scribbled drafts. The flames of your desire were fed in your dreams, so if you sat up and worked on the character portraits, you could stoke the heat growing in your belly. 

-

The rest of the week was full of stolen glances and secret smiles. You had slept little, pouring your heart and soul into your commission; the feeling that this was the most important commission you would ever make. A small barrage of notes found their way into your locker. 

Hope your day is going well 

Can’t wait to see your work!

Duckie, a pick me up. You look like you need it. Attached to the note was a five dollar bill. On it, ‘for coffee’ was scrawled on Lincoln’s forehead. You couldn’t help but giggle.

The end of Friday found you in the library, taken up in your usual corner, adorning your headphones and new mixtape. Eddie took you by surprise, but unlike the previous week, his advances weren’t unwanted. As the boy took a seat across from you, you scrambled to cover your progress.

“Eddie! It’s supposed to be a surprise!” You scolded. Eddie's lips curved into a mischievous grin.

“I know, I’m sorry sweetheart. I’m just excited… I also just wanted to double check if you were able to get that coffee earlier, or if you needed water or anything.” Your eyes shot up to Eddie’s quizzically. His eyes bored into yours, a wash of concern veiling his face.

“Y-yeah, Eddie. I got my coffee.” You turned to your bag and shook your water bottle at him “And I got this, so I’m good.” Eddie shook his head at you.

“Actually, I’m glad you’re here.” You said. Eddie’s heart stopped at your comment. “I think I only need another day for these bad boys. Do you… can I drop them off on Sunday? I know you guys hold meetings on Sundays sometimes, so I could come by so you don’t have to wait to give them to the guys.” You bit your lip in anticipation. The library was all too quiet; the air thick with need. Eddie flashed you a lopsided smile.

“You know you’re amazing, right?” Eddie cooed.

“Huh”

“You’re just - I dunno. The best person ever. You always have been. It’s crazy to me.” Eddie stood up to leave before he did anything that you would regret. “Sunday is amazing, sweets. I’ll see you then,” he turned to flash you finger guns. “Breakfast at mine as a thank you. Hope you like pancakes!”

Like the hurricane he was, Eddie spun out of the library and down the hall. You let out a shaky exhale, grin plastered to your face. Eddie’s stride quickened as he all but skipped down the hallway while your heart skipped a beat.

-

You took up your regular posting at the Bloomington farmers market. Postcard drawings of Downtown Hawkins and canvases of Indiana florals scattered your booth. You had taken refuge on the small chair, adding the final details to your commissions. You were surprised at how well the characters turned out. The tough watercolour paper took beautifully to the brown stain you added to them. The bright purples, blues and greens of skin colours and cloaks almost jumped off the page. You smiled down at your creations and your heart fluttered. 

The last hour of your posting was always the slowest. You decided to pack the wares you had left into your portfolio. You decided to browse the farmers market. You rarely did so, chiding yourself and spending the money you had intended to make for the day; but something pulled you through the quaint aisles. You passed dry flowers, homemade jams and a deli. You threw a polite wave to the regulars that you saw selling almost every weekend. You halted in front of a vendor you hadn’t seen before. The small banner placed in front of their booth read “Warp Comics and Sci Fi Store” in flashy font. You saw rows of comic book figurines in shiny plastic. Beside the stall, a bookshelf of Marvel Comics and used sci fi books. Posters and magnets lined the shelf and you smiled at the creature of the black lagoon magnet staring back at you. It was the first horror movie you had ever seen - watching it in Eddie’s trailer at the innocent age of 10. You had nightmares for a week after, in which your only solace was to call Eddie. He would lie and say that he couldn’t sleep either to make you feel better. Your eyes wandered across the table to a display of Dungeon Master’s guides. In front of it, an array of plastic boxes holding assorted dice. You found it hard to believe you needed so many different types of dice to play a seemingly simple game, but you picked up a box full of crystalline dice. They shimmered in the afternoon sunlight and you couldn’t help the small gasp of wonder at how beautiful the dice looked. You would hesitate to use these in a game, preferring to set them out like beautiful miniature art sculptures. You ran your hands across the other boxes and your heart stopped beating altogether. You opened the top of the box to take a better look. You saw an array of ruby and black marbled dice, each facing outlined in a dark metal. The numbers peered up at you in shiny gold paint.

“How much are these?” you asked politely.

“40” the man behind the stall grunted. You happily pulled out your wallet and slid two twenties across the stall with a small thank you. You closed the box and carefully put it into your bag.

-

The bike from your house to Eddie’s was not long, but your stomach churned at every street you passed. You wished that you were pulling into the gravel driveway already, but also prayed that each moment on your ride would last an hour. You were prepared: each character portrait wrapped in tissue and slotted carefully into a letterbox to protect it during your ride. You had signed the corner of each creation and reviewed Eddie’s feedback several times. The extra rattling coming from your bag added to the rattling in your bag. That night you had spent hours pacing around your room, flipping between regret and excitement to the ruby dice you now possessed. You tried to rationalize why you bought them, but you had no explanation. It just felt right. You were so confused, your brain and heart waging war in your body. 

Eddie had barely slept, too anxious for your arrival and that he wouldn’t wake up in time to get himself ready. He wondered what you would wear, your uniform often consisting of a flannel and jeans or shorts. He kicked himself for not picking you up, but he didn’t want to seem desperate. He looked at himself in the mirror in his room and smirked: he was the epitome of desperation. He hopped in the shower and detangled his curls. He looked at his bare body in the mirror and a wave of embarrassment coursed through him. If you were here right now, would you like what you saw? He groaned and shook his head as he slid on his boxers. He paced back to his room and threw on his nice jeans then immediately looked into his mirror. With a horrified scowl he threw the jeans off and put on his favorite pair - he didn’t want to scare you off. He dabbed his bare chest with his cologne before slipping on his Dio tee. He gave his chocolate waves one last scrunch and exhaled. That was as good as it was going to get. 

Your bike groaned to a halt in front of Eddie’s humble trailer. You traipsed up the steps to the door and bit your lip to ground yourself before knocking. 

“It’s just another client, just another commission” you whispered to yourself. You were hoping if you said it enough, your heart would believe it to be true. Eddie flung the door open and greeted you with a shy smile. Your heart's pace doubled as the metalhead’s usual heightened demeanor was small and deliberate. He looked you up and down, but unlike before, it was as if he was studying and appreciating every detail about you. You had ditched your flannel for a plaid skirt and a beat up Beatles t-shirt. Your had let your natural waves cure during your bike ride. You looked almost ethereal to Eddie. His cheeks bloomed a hot red and his smile was warm.

“Hey, you. Come on in” Eddie spoke, his voice soft.

“Thanks, Eddie. I don’t have to stay long, but I have-”

“No, no! Stay as long as you’d like. We don’t have Hellfire for a few more hours and I could always drive you home on the way to the school… or you could join us, you know. If you want.” Eddie eyed you cautiously, fearful of crossing any boundaries. “I know I always said that I would teach you how it worked but…” his sentiment caught in his throat as he looked at you with eyes full of guilt. You flashed him a lovesick smile.

“I’d really like that.” You stepped toward him; the familiar feeling of the knot between the two of you being pulled impossibly tight. Eddie took another step toward you, closing the gap between you even more. You could smell the cologne that he had applied along with the cigarette he had smoked before your arrival. The air around the two of you was constricting, stealing the air from your lungs. One lunge and you would be reunited in the best way possible. The stakes were too high and your feet were cemented to the ground. You watched Eddie’s jaw tighten and his Adam’s apple bob. His gaze flickered to your lips. The realization hit both yours and Eddie’s eyes and you pulled away from each other before the tension could finally snap. You cleared your throat and Eddie backed himself into his living room. He looked back at you and gestured to you to follow. You rifled through your bag as you sat next to him on the couch. 

“Um, here’s the portraits.” You placed the box onto the dingy coffee table. Although the air was still thick, you couldn’t help but smile excitedly towards the metalhead sitting next to you. He eyed you with excited anticipation. 

“Open them!” you squealed, desperate to see his reaction. “And if you hate them, please don’t tell me because I don’t think my heart could take it” you giggled. Your eyes glued themselves to your hands fidgeting in your lap. You are torn from picking your nails by a soft gasp that Eddie let out.

“Y/N.. I… They’re incredible. Oh my god.” You let out a relieved laugh. Eddie turned back to you with an awe struck smile. 

“I told you you were amazing..” His voice barely above a whisper. He pulled you into a tight hug and you thought your heart was going to explode, seemingly like Eddie’s. Your head rested on his chest and you felt the pounding of his heartbeat on your cheek. You pulled away, daring to reach back in your bag to find the cool plastic of the box you were so scared to present. 

“I also saw these and, I dunno, I just, I really needed to get them for you.” You hastily pushed the box into Eddie’s calloused palms. His eyes doubled in size and glazed over, tears threatening.

“Sweetheart.”

“I- I don’t know why I bought them, I just needed t-” you babbled. Before you could finish your tangent, Eddie had leaned over to you and pressed his lips firmly to yours. You melted into his touch, his hand resting against your warm cheek.

“I have been so goddamn stupid” Eddie murmured against your lips. You gasped softly into his mouth and he moved against you. He slid his tongue against your bottom lip, a silent plea to deepen his kiss. You allowed him entry and felt his warm tongue on yours. You felt your chest tighten, and the familiar burn of tears radiated in your eyes. Suddenly, you felt the cool sting of metal on your sides under your shirt. The next thing you knew you were pulled into the boy’s lithe waist, your own legs caging him into the couch. Eddie’s arms wrapped around your waist and he broke your kiss. His eyes searched yours, looking for any hesitation or disgust. After all, how could you not hate him? The shit that he put you through, he thought you deserved better - to never speak to him again and let someone who treated you better sweep you off your feet. He felt selfish, as he revelled that it was your body heat keeping him warm. Your lower lip trembled as you looked at the beautifully sorrowful face staring at you. You needed Eddie’s lips back on yours, you needed to feel how much he cared about you. You cupped his jaw in a desperate attempt to move him back into you, but his head collapsed into your neck and you felt his shoulders shake softly. You felt his hot breath on your collarbone in sobs. You cradled his head in his soft curls.

“I’m so fucking sorry. I-I… I don’t even expect you to forgive me. I wouldn’t. I ruined everything.” Sobs wracked through the boy’s hunched back. The only thing you could do was cradle his head and let your own tears silently fall. “I pushed you away and when you let me I didn’t come after you. You were the best thing to ever happen to me and I was too fucking stupid to act on it.”

“Eddie? Look at me please” you peeped. You grabbed his flushed cheeks and guided his gaze to yours.

“Duckie…”

“I’ve loved you since sixth grade. I loved you since we watched scary movies in the trailer alone. I have loved you since you offered to trade sandwiches with me every lunch you brought my favorite. I have never stopped loving you since then. And as mad as I was, I will never stop loving you.” The words flowed from your mouth before your brain could catch up. You caught your breath as a big pair of brown eyes scrunched themselves closed. Your lips smashed together and you felt the weight in your chest dissipate. Eddie’s large hands trailed up your back and pressed you closer to him; but close was not nearly close enough, you wanted to melt into Eddie’s body completely, to be one. Fuck, you went so long without him, you never wanted to be apart again.

I love yous peppered your skin from the side of your mouth to your neck, skin burning with every declaration.

“Please don’t leave me ever again” you sighed both in contentment and relief. You had your Eddie back.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, darling. Lucky for us all we have left is time.”

“Enough time to teach me how to play DnD?”

“Fuck, you really are going to be the death of me.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent in Eddie’s lap, reading the decorated manual that had never made much sense to you before. Eddie caught you up on the next campaign he was planning. He offered to help you make a character then so you could join the club that evening. You giggled and politely shook your head. 

“I think I should watch a couple campaigns before I dive in.” Eddie kissed your nose in understanding. 

“Fine, but I may use your expertise in some NPC characters, if that’s okay with you.”

“Okay, Teddy.”

You opened the passenger's side door and slid into the rusted van while Eddie put your bike in the back. The drive to Hawkins High consisted of Eddie stealing looks at you any time he could and his hand resting comfortably on your thigh. You walked into the drama room hand in hand and were greeted by a gaggle of confused, yet welcoming looks.

“Hey, guys, sorry we’re a bit late.”

You raised your hand in a wave and introduced yourself. 

“Oh, we know exactly who you are,” Gareth responded. You looked at him confused, obviously not having formally met.

“Yeah, you’re the girl that Munson won't shut up about!” Dustin added. You turned to Eddie with a teasing smile. He rolled his eyes and guided you to a seat. 

Eddie gave each member of the club their portraits, which they all ogled over. You watched the new campaign kick off with shouts and laughs. Eddie was a colorful narrator, leaning over the table and shaking his head wildly. The whole time he guided the party through the night’s adventures, he didn’t dare unclasp his hand with yours.

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[recordmemes]

༘⋆｡ stirring the pot starters

a mix of arguments, tension, manipulation, gossiping, fighting, & general emotional messiness!

you  weren't  supposed  to  hear  that.

don't  look  at  me  like  i'm  the  only  one  lying.

want  to  tell  them,  or  should  i?

you  think  i  don't  know  what  you  did?

i've  hit  people  for  less.

oh,  i  thought  you  already  knew.

that's  funny,  you  didn't  say  that  last  night.

say  that  again.  i  dare  you.

you  wanna  talk  about  loyalty?

no  offense,  but  if  you're  the  last  to  know,  that's  on  you.

go  ahead  -  pretend  like  it  wasn't  your  idea!

they  deserve  to  know  the  truth.

you  didn't  hear  this  from  me,  but  -

oh,  so  now  you  care?

don't  flatter  yourself.  you  were  just  convenient.

you  crossed  a  line.

we  had  bets  on  how  long  it  would  last.

it's  not  even  a  secret  anymore.

you  don't  get  to  cry  about  it  now.

touch  me  again  and  see  what  happens.

say  it  again.  louder  this  time.

you  really  thought  nobody  would  find  out?

don't  act  so  innocent.

okay,  but  am  i  the  villain  for  laughing?

tell  me  who  else  knows.  right  now.

this  whole  time,  and  you  didn't  say  a  word?

don't  act  brave  now.

you're  really  gonna  do  this  here?

it  wasn't  supposed  to  get  this  far!

you  can't  rewrite  history.

oh,  i'd  never  say  it  to  their  faces.

it  was  supposed  to  stay  between  us.

we're  all  thinking  it,  i  just  said  it.

you're  not  as  untouchable  as  you  act.

do  you  even  feel  guilty?

they  warned  me  about  you.

go  ahead,  make  it  worse.

if  you  repeat  this,  i'll  deny  everything.

the  next  thing  out  of  your  mouth  better  be  an  apology.

you're  about  three  seconds  away  from  regretting  this.

you  keep  pushing,  and  i'll  push  you  back.

they're  going  to  find  out.

one  more  lie,  and  i  walk.

they're  lying  to  you.

you  need  to  back  off.  now.

you're  defending  them?  after  everything?

don't  try  to  hide  it.

tell  me,  was  i  just  a  placeholder?

you  really  think  sorry  fixes  this?

there's  nothing  left  to  say.

don't  act  like  you're  the  one  hurting.

i  don't  owe  you  any  explanation.

whatever  helps  you  sleep  at  night.

you  should've  seen  this  coming.

i  hope  it  was  worth  it.

i  told  the  truth.  just  not  all  of  it.

you'll  miss  me  before  i  miss  you.

smile.  you're  ruining  the  mood.

i'd  watch  that  tone  if  i  were  you.

it's  not  my  fault  you  believed  me.

you  have  such  a  talent  for  pretending  you're  innocent.

we  both  know  this  is  over.

i  never  said  i  was  a  good  person.

i  thought  you  were  different.

[dallysdolly444]

then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you.

summary: dally was the kind of boyfriend who'd do anything but say those three sweet words you crave so desperately.

warnings: angst ig hehe sooorryyy, established relationship, leaning towards fem!pov (specifically girly/hyper fem as thats what i am, so i usually write what i am), cursing, slight objectifying, lmk if i missed anything <3

dallas didn't love anything. he didn't love joy, he didn't love sunlight, he didn't love puppies or kittens, he didn't even love himself. so he probably didn't love you, not matter how many times he'd press gentler than normal kisses to your neck, or talk a little too much when he's drunk.

but even now, with him in your bed, arms wrapped around you like you'll disappear, you're none the wiser. even when he's got his fingers threading through your hair, rings catching on the strands, you can't quite tell what he's thinking. "so pretty, aren't ya?" he mutters, pressing his lips to your hair.

he always felt out of place in your room, it's so girly, pink and pretty. but what he always felt worse about is how awful he is for you. he can listen to you drone on about how great he is for hours, and the most you'll get back is a 'you've got a great rack'. he just doesn't know how to say it in a way that keeps him tough.

but you always just bury your face closer into his chest, as if your relationship doesn't have 5 weeks max left. "dally can you talk to me? i'm about to sleep." you say softly, nuzzling your face into him as if you want to get into his skin.

"sure i can, baby. you know i love gabbing to you" dallas chuckles, pecking your temple. "fuck, man. yknow... i'm digging the way you're twirling your hair, yknow?" he says, bouncing one of your curls. "y'look like a knockout... look like fucking marilyn monroe or some shit" he says with a grin, knowing you'll like that.

that's his love language, saying what you want to here. the smil on your face is enough for the month to him. "that's so nice dally" you murmur sleepily. "your so nice to me"

dallas paused. he wasn't that nice, was he? shit. well he can't be too rude to his broad, right? you'll just leave him. "shit, doll. i ain't nice enough. i should always be nicer. you're my angel, yeah? and i ain't letting you go."

you stare up at him with those damn doe eyes. even when you're half asleep and tired, those eyes just see right through them, as if they can see how he really feels. how much he really likes you. "i love you" you whisper softly. you've said it once before, and he disappeared for a couple days, coming back with barely anything changed.

dallas stayed silent for a moment, wrapping his arms tighter around you. he can't say he doesn't, because he does. you must know, right? can't you just be secure with knowing? he sighs, just pressing your head closer to him. "yeah" he says softly, and that's all.

you just sigh. you could've expected that. dallas isn't the kind of guy to express feelings, especially not love. he's too tough to feel a thing. you don't say anything, knowing how he is. or do you?

he loves you, you don't see it. you say it, he thinks it. loving people was never good for dally, he loved his mother and all she did in return was die. he would kiss you, hold you, tell you what you wanna hear.. but what the hell is he supposed to say? i love you? i want to marry you? it'll just bring bad energy or something.

you both stay silent for the rest of the night, just holding each other. it'll always be awkward after an 'i love you'. maybe you'll work around it, maybe you'll break up, maybe you'll just continue to ignore it. you fall asleep before dallas, and his hand went up to your head to stroke your hair again. gentler, sweeter, calmer. he presses his lips to your forehead. he couldn't do this when you're awake. you want someone tough, right? everyone does.

"i love you too."

authors note: man i love dally. i could yap soooo much about how well he's written and how interesting he is. love you matt please marry me <333

lots of love, dolly x

[fanged-fanfics]

☆ "Embrace sweetness eternal~" - Eternal Sugar Cookie x GN Reader ☆

Genre: Fluff || they/them pronouns for reader || No warnings needed

A/N: Prompt is Reader willingly stayed in the Garden cause they're with Eternal Sugar :] No spoilers since this outfit is technically an AU

──────.𖥔 ݁ ˖˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ──────

When was the last time the sun shone too hot? When the winds chilled your dough, or a meal came to you that was just a little imperfect? Even the smallest of vices felt a million miles away ever since you'd joined Eternal Sugar in her paradise. Your every wish and whim was catered to, and above all else, the Beast of Sloth was by your side the whole way. She'd hold your hand at every opportunity, whisper sweet words in your ears to soothe your sleep. Truly, it was the perfect home, with the perfect life.

That is until a sharp jolt jostled the cloud you'd been sleeping on. Startled, you sat up, seeing two residents of the Garden giving you a very worried look. "Ah- please excuse us!" The first cried "We simply wanted to play for a bit, and-! The ball...". The two inhabitants looked to where their yellow ball was stuck in the front of your soft, wispy cushion. The warm embrace around your waist suddenly receeded. The weight next to you shifted, a ring of flowers atop pink hair stirring. Eternal Sugar sat up from where she'd been napping beside you, fixing the new faces with a strained smile. "You disturbed our rest... now, how shall we punish you?" She spoke, her tone cold on the edges despite her attempt to sound sweet

The two immediately panicked, one practically throwing themself on the ground to bow "Please forgive us! It was an accident!". The other followed suit, keeping their eyes down "Yes, yes! We meant no harm! It was just-". "Just an interruption to my sweetling's rest" Eternal Sugar cut in. She huffed, cupping your cheeks in her palms, expression turning sympathetic "Are you alright, dearest?~". You nodded, giving her a smile "Of course. Accidents happen, right?" You said, turning to the others with a reassuring smile. Eternal Sugar gave them a cold sideways glance "Yes... they do"

She took in a deep breath, moving her hands to cup yours "If you're sure you're alright, I suppose it can be just a warning this time~ run along now!~". You leaned down, plucking the ball from the cloud and gently tossing it in the direction of the other two. The one on the right caught it, nodding vigorously "Yes! I-It won't happen again, thank you!" They said, before they both bolted away. Once it was fully quiet, Eternal Sugar sighed. She scooted closer to you, tucking you into her side "My poor love~ I bet they ruined such a sweet dream from your perfect little head"

"Ah, it's okay" you said, snuggling up into her warm embrace "I could take another in a few minutes, maybe". "Do you not wish to now?" Eternal Sugar asked, frowning a little in concern. "Not just yet" you hummed "I've got many beauties my eyes wish to see before they close again. Especially you, my beloved". You grinned as you saw a deep pink flush her cheeks, and the fond chuckle that followed. "You're such a charmer, my love!~ How lucky I am to be the subject of your sweetness~"

You chuckled as well, right as she pressed her cheek to yours "If my darling can't rest, maybe we can have a meal together~ I've recently gotten in some of the finest jellies. Won't you try some with me?". "I'd love to" you replied, nuzzling into her face. She pulled back, her arms coming under your legs and behind your back. With a gentle motion, she scooped you up against her chest. "I can make it off of the cloud, dearest" you chuckled fondly. Eternal Sugar spread out her wings, fluttering the two of you upright "Ah-ah-ah! My little sweetling doesn't have to lift a thing, that's a promise I made to you~"

With just a few flaps, her wings carried you both to the grass. You carefully got back on your own standing, kissing Eternal Sugar's cheek after doing so. "You should let me spoil you sometime. I'd love to return the favor" you said. That familiar blush returned, her eyes sparkling with admiration "You truly are the sweetest~ come, my love, I have the perfect spot for us~"

With her hand held in yours, the two of you began walking to your favorite snack spot. The easygoing smile was back on Eternal Sugar's face, making you grin as well. She'd do anything to keep you happy, but your heart longed to bring her the same joy. Here, in this paradise you both share, you made a promise in your mind. The blooming bringer of Sloth will one day allow herself to be spoiled by your hands, you were determined to see to it

[miss-vanta-likes-to-write]

Motivation by Normani

➥ J. MacTavish: Johnny was given explicit instructions to not get wrapped up with the pretty lass dressed up in booty shorts and the air brush t-shirt.

CW: suggestive. oral sex fem receiving. 18+ mdni

Block Party master list

Johnny couldn't understand how Kyle dealt with the northeastern heat. He also didn't understand why Kyle didn't want to get to the party early until he was actually helping to set up the party they were invited to. It was supposed to start at 1 pm and at 1:30 tables were being set up and he heard someone talk about running to the store for more ice.

“And you wanted to be on time and now we have to be part of the set up crew.” Kyle grumbled as he helped Johnny carry out another table.

“It was Cap who kept saying it would be rude to show up late!” Johnny was sweating up a storm and had to strip off his shirt down to his undershirt.

Kyle could only roll his eyes, “And it's tragic that he's being put on kitchen duty. Fucking lucky Aunty Ruth likes him.”

Just as they were setting up another table Johnny could hear squeals and shouts. It was quick but before he knew it his friend was being tackled by a woman. She was full of energy, loud noise and dressed in as few clothes as she could get away with. Tiny blue jean shorts and a white t-shirt that was spray painted. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. Was it rude to look? He hoped not.

“Kyle! Uncle Kirk told me you were coming! But I didn't think you'd be here helping with setting up!” She pulled away from him and grinned brightly. “And look at you! You're not a twig anymore!”

“Ugh, thanks cuz. The military will do that to you.” Kyle laughed, “I only made the trip because Dad said Nana was going into a home after this summer.”

“You should visit more often. I know your mom won't step foot in this neighborhood after the car bomb incident, but you're always welcome.” She smiles and laughs as Kyle shouts “allegedly!”

Johnny is still staring at her and finally she turns to look at him. Her bright gaze is outlined with bright makeup, and her lips are shiny and sparkling from the way the sun hits the gloss. Her shirt is not really a shirt, more like a suggestion of a shirt and he gets a good glimpse of her midriff.

Kyle glances at him and sighs, “Sugah, this is my teammate Soap-” he starts but is cut off.

“Johnny. You can call me Johnny.” His hands feel clammy for some reason. He wipes them on his shorts before he reaches his hand and she takes it. She gives her name but says that he can call her Sugah like everyone else, and he doesn't miss how her eyes roam over him. He only hopes he looks decent because he's been working and sweating.

“Cute accent!” She sideeyes her cousin and teases “You should hide him, he won't last the day with a face like that and voice like that.”

“Sugah!” Her name is called from the house and an angry older woman is standing there, hand on her hip, “Did you bring back anything I asked you for!?”

“Aunty Ruth is gonna kill you.” Kyle shoos her away.

“Chile, when is she not? Not like she can whoop us anymore.” She clicks her tongue with an exaggerated eye roll.

“Say that to her face.”

“I will not!” She punches Kyle in the arm and makes her way to the house, “Oh by the way!” She calls over her shoulder “Your girl is gonna be here this weekend so be nice and Johnny nice to meet you!”

Johnny felt like he was stuck and tongue tied. He wasn't really paying attention. How could he? His eyes watched her like a hawk and the only thing he could think of coherently was ‘How am I gonna get her in my bed?’

He's brought out of his trance by Kyle snapping his fingers in front of his face. “No Soap. Bad Soap. Do not and I mean do not try to sleep with my little cousin.”

“Ah wasn't gonna do tha!” Johnny deflects.

“You have that look on your face.” He deadpans him. “I know how you are, you can not think of her as a conquest.” His warning seems to be a bit much.

Johnny nudges him in the side as they head back to get more tables and chairs, “Nobody is thinking that. Am I not allowed to look?”

Johnny is a bit put out when Kyle doesn't smile, “Do not Soap...”

“Ye say it like it's a warning.” He doesn't see why Kyle is acting that way.

“Her shirt says Baby Girl in pink airbrush. Please ah beg.” Kyle doesn't say anything else.

You had just gotten back from doing the last minute shopping. Ice hadn't been bought and Aunt Ruth wanted more sodas and juice. When you had gotten to the house and seen your big cousin Kyle, you forgot all about your party chores. His people came from England after some hijinks that your Uncle Kirk often says ‘Most of that story is classified.’ Everyone got the impression it was a work thing that went left.

“Sugah,” Aunt Ruth frowned, “You not messing with them boys? They have work to do.” Aunt Ruth wasn't really your aunt, that you think. Maybe she was but the family lines were blurred. According to her, she watched after most of the kids on the block for as long as she could remember. Your father being one of them and Uncle Kirk being the other.

“Does it matter?” A low voice came from the dining room, “The party was supposed to start almost forty minutes ago, and the grill just got turned on and that poor English man doesn't know anything about a seafood boil but they're making him help with that.”

“Nita!” You shout and hug the older person sitting at the table, they were busy piping up deviled eggs to fry.

“Hey baby, don't be rude, this here is Simon.” They turn and smile at the quiet hulk of a man who is wearing a full on shiesty in the heat of the kitchen. “He came home with Kyle.”

Simon is quiet as he efficiently pipes the yolk back into the eggs. He glances up once and nods before going back to his designated task.

“Nita and Aunty, they are guests.” You manage to control the laugh you want to let out.

“Okay and?” Aunt Ruth is sharp in her words, no movement ever wasted. “Simon, you not hot under all those clothes?” She doesn't bother looking from her pot of whatever she's cooking.

“No ma'am.” He says and his voice is soft and quiet like he's too afraid of being too loud or seen.

“Actually Sugah, I need you to run back out and pick up two more watermelons and those hot dogs that Mini's chilren like.”

“Really, do you think gas just flies into my car for free?” You suck your teeth and stomp your foot before you even realize who you're talking to.

“Girl if you don't-” Aunt Ruth chucks a towel at you. You manage to duck only for it to hit Johnny as he comes into the house.

“Ack!” The sound of the wet smack of the towel hitting skin causes everyone to pause.

Simon looks up and watches quietly, but you see in his face that he is assessing his friend for damage.

“I can only imagine why Aunty was throwing a wet rag to begin with.” Kyle takes the rag and hands it back to Aunty Ruth. He looks at you and the only thing you offer him is a grin.

In a sing-song voice you skidaddle around Kyle, to avoid another towel, “I'm going Aunty, I was just playing. Ky come on-”

“No, Kyle needs to go out and help set up the grill and the pot and make sure Ernest isn't setting anything on fire.” Nita intervenes, “And if you two go anywhere, we'll see you both on the news in half an hour.”

The deep heavy sigh that leaves Kyle is comical, “That was years ago.”

Without missing a beat Nita continues, “If Kiersten wasn't able to get you all out of that, in fact, Mrs. Brown's tree had to be cut down because you five crashed your daddy's car into it. Poor thing could never rebound.”

“Sugah, take him” She waves her hand at Johnny, “With you if you want company so bad. Now get.”

You miss how Kyle is shooting Johnny a look as you grab his hand and pull him along, “Won't be long Aunty!” You shout and head right to your car.

The moment your altima pulls out the driveway you look at your new adventure buddy. “So how long have you and Ky known each other?” you take note that he's got a pretty blush to his skin from working in the heat. His hair is a bit damp from sweating the heat. Johnny gives you a dazzling smile, but it holds something more to it.

“I’ve known him for a few years, same team and all that.”

“He's such a killjoy and a smart ass. Not sure how you three put up with him to be honest.”

“He's not so bad.”

“I guess your version of him is different.”

“He said you're his little cousin?” Johnny probes slightly.

“Yeah, but he's only got me by like a month though. Why? Did he say something stupid?”

“Nae, not really…just curious about how you're related.”

“Well, me and Kyle, our dads are brothers, fraternal twins. Aunt Ruth who is hosting the party is like their Aunt or something, she raised them when their mom dropped them off and just didn't come back.” You shrug.

“So blood related.” He hums.

“Yeah?” You give him a side eye, “What's with playing connect the dots?”

“I'll be honest, bonnie, he told me not to have sex with you.” He has such a boyish and sheepish look about him when he says that. It's cute in a mischievous way.

“Ooh, I see. Trying to see how many times he's gonna hit you for hitting on me?” You like his honesty and return the same smile. “I won't tell if you won't tell, I mean you're not that bad looking.”

He makes a squawk of a noise, “Lassie I'll have you know I'm a ten!”

“To whom? The mohawk is like your solid five point that takes you to a solid eight out of ten.”

“I bet I could get the two extra points by using my mouth alone.” The wink he sends you makes you laugh.

“You wanna test that theory?”

“I feel like I should.”

“How about this?” You drive right past the grocery store, “If you make me nut with just like oral, I'll ruin you for every girl after me.”

“If you wanna just have a quick shag say so bonnie.” The cockiness is certainly something else.

“Nah.” You glanced at him, “Just motivation for you to put your best skills forward. I don't fuck dudes that can't make me cum on their fingers and tongue alone.”

The look he gives you should have told you everything you needed to know. It was heated, smug, and a little unhinged.

You had parked your car behind one of the abandoned strip malls. Both if your front car seats pushed up the way to give you both enough room in the back seat. Your legs were thrown open and over Johnny's shoulders, body bent at an odd angle. He's got two of his fingers pressed deep into you, curling them to graze just against your sweet spot. His m,outh is sealed over your clit while his tongue flicks rapidly over it. You had talked a big game not even fifteen minutes ago about how you don't cum easily from oral.

Oh how wrong you were.

Your hips bucked up against him as you try your best to wriggle away from him. “Johnny fuck, oh shit-” you gasp. He only groans and lets go of your clit and those pretty blue eyes stare up at you. He continues to pump his fingers in and out of you.

0“None of that sweet lassie.” He kisses your inner thigh. Johnny seems different from between your legs. He isn't as giggly and charming, and is more like a fucking demon who won't let you go. “Come on sweet girl, you can do it.”

“I- I can't Johnny.” You're breathless as the pleasure swirls in your body. It twists throughout your veins, and pools at the base of your gut. A deep pressure as he pulls you apart bit by bit.

“You can sweet lass, you can. Fuck your cunt certainly says she can.” He looks down at where his fingers dip into you, curls against your g-spot and pulls out just enough. “She's begging for another orgasm, cryin’ for it.”

And the way he talks! The other guys on your roster would never and you're certain that you're gonna cry when he leaves with Kyle at the end of the visit. The sounds that he's pulling from you are anything but modest. You groan and moan, and you feel embarrassed at how wet your pussy sounds. You've already had two orgasms, maybe in hindsight you should have sucked him off first. Save yourself the embarrassment of this whole ordeal, but he said ‘ladies first’ and bullied you onto your back. You don't even notice that your orgasm is cresting through you until it happens.

“Fuck!” Your body feels like it's floating and falling all at once. He isn't even using his dick and it's just been his fingers and mouth. He sucks on your clit and prolongs your heightened pleasure. You twist and turn against his hold and the bastard holds you down with his arm across your stomach. “Johnny! Please!”

He yanks his fingers out of you and pulls his lips off of your clit with a wet pop. The devilish grin on his face and his lust blown eyes make your entire being throb for more.

“How-” you pant trying to come down from your high. “How long are you in town for?”

“The block party and a few days after. Why?” He teases you by nipping at your thigh again.

“You know damn well, you aren't staying with Kyle for the rest of your visit here. I'm kidnapping you and you're blowing out my back.”

The party was just starting at four when you had come back with the extra items that Aunty Ruth had sent you out for. Music drifted through the air. Your legs are wobbly and Johnny trails behind with the world's largest grin on his face. He looks like the cat that caught the bird. You both had to hastily put yourselves back together and if anyone was keeping track of the time, they would have noticed that you took Ingersoll than needed.

The kitchen is at capacity with pots and pans to be served out of, Aunty Ruth can be heard in the backyard yelling. “How did his beard almost get set on fire Ernest!”

Kyle is hurrying back into the kitchen to grab the med kit. He looks absolutely mortified but he stops when he sees you and Johnny and the state you are both in. He isn't impressed and looks disappointed.

“Soap…you didn't.” He glares.

“Didn't what?” Johnny plays dumb.

“What's going on?” You ask about the med kit.

“Cap called himself ‘grilling’ and Uncle Ernest egged him on and the grill went up in flames. His mutton chops are okay, but half an eyebrow is gone and some arm hair too.” But his glare hasn't left his friend. You awkwardly shuffle between the two of them.

“Kyle, now before you blow your top-”

“Gaz.” A slightly older man pops up behind Kyle. He looks like he was put through the wringer. Just like your cousin said, he was missing some hair and his facial hair was a bit singed. “We still do need the med kit for the Bluey bandaids.” He doesn't seem angry or annoyed, “Andre is insisting on it.”

You look down to find your friend's son suckered to the man's leg. “Hey Andre, what's up?” You ask the toddler.

“Big man on fire and he needs Bluey hugs and mommy kisses.” Andre answers, he hugs onto his leg and looks up. “Mommy will help and kiss it all better!”

Kyle couldn't decide on what he wanted to run interference on first. His boss and his older cousin, his friend and his little cousin, or the fact that Simon left with the family crash outs thirty minutes ago for a walk and he still isn't back. “I can't deal with this.” He handed the med kit over to the man, “Cap I need a smoke, be back in second. Don't let my uncle Ernest put you back on the grill.” He didn't say anything else as he left out the kitchen door in a hurry.

“What's wrong with him, Captain?” Johnny asked.

“Not sure, he spoke with some young woman earlier right before the grill went up in flames and he hasn't been in a good mood since.” He looks down at Andre, “Come on, let's get you back to your mum.”

You let out a sigh of relief as this meant you successfully avoided getting chewed out. “We probably shouldn't screw with each other.”

“Why not?” Johnny says, “Don't tell me you're gonna renege on your deal.”

“I'm not, it's just that you're only here for like three days, and I don't want you to accidentally like more than usual.” The laugh you give is sorta nervous.

“We'll worry about that when we get there bonnie.” He kisses you on the cheek.

Just as a side note. These shorts all take place at the same time. So we will see more of what the other guys are up to cause I promise I will show you all how he lost half his eyebrow, lol.

[oopsiedaisydeer]

almostlove!au headcanons - part two ...with sexhotline!reader and goldenboy!chris

fluff, light angst, smut, mentions of masturbation, fantasies, anonymous relationship

ib: the ever so lovely headcanons by @kiemiu !!! also a quick note!! these are set in the future, after daisy and chris finally meet :)

word count - 500ish

goldenboy!chris who keeps her voicemail from the night before they met saved in his notes app. it plays like a prophecy. she said, “don’t be nervous, golden boy. i already like you.” and he listens to it when he forgets how to breathe.

goldenboy!chris who still calls her every night, even though she’s in the next room. “go to sleep, daisy,” he mumbles. “i’ll be there in a sec.” but he stays on the line until she dozes off, just to hear her sigh.

goldenboy!chris who records the moment she walks into that café for the first time. her laugh, her voice, the way she says his name like she’s tasting it. he replays it every time she leaves the house without him.

goldenboy!chris who leaves her voice notes just to say “i missed you today,” even if they spent all day together. because she smiled at a stranger and he got jealous. because she looked at the sky and forgot to look at him. because missing her is just part of loving her now.

sexhotline!reader who still calls him “sun” when he’s sad. only now, she gets to kiss his hair and hold his hand when she says it.

sexhotline!reader who leaves messages like: “you forgot your charger, dummy. it’s on the nightstand. come home soon. i made pasta.” and his stomach flips because home is a word he only just started believing in.

goldenboy!chris who moans her name into her voicemail just to see if she’ll bring it up later. “you left me alone, daisy,” he whispers, voice hoarse. “how am i supposed to sleep without you wrapped around me?”

goldenboy!chris who sends her messages in the morning that start sweet and end filthy. “you looked so pretty sleeping beside me,” he says. “i wanted to wake you up with my mouth. tomorrow maybe.”

sexhotline!reader who teases him over audio, whispering: “remember the way you sounded last night? i do.” then plays a clip of him groaning into her shoulder, saying her name like a prayer.

sexhotline!reader who leaves him a message right after they’ve hooked up, while he’s in the shower. still breathless. still warm. “you ruined me,” she says. “do it again.”

sexhotline!reader who moans into the mic when she’s on her period just to torment him. “hurts,” she pouts. “but maybe you could make me feel better, baby. with your mouth. your fingers. anything.”

goldenboy!chris who still sends her audio files of him jerking off when she’s out of town visiting her family. he pants her name like it’ll summon her. begs her to come back. whines, “daisy, please,” like he might fall apart without her.

sexhotline!reader who once left him a two-minute recording of her moaning into his pillow while wearing nothing but his hoodie. he didn’t speak to anyone all day. just replayed it. hand between his legs. lips parted. ruined.

goldenboy!chris who cries a little the first time she rides him and says “i missed your voice.” because now he doesn’t have to imagine it. now he gets everything. the sounds. the touch. the fucking realness of her.

dividers by @bernardsbendystraws ꨄ

a/n: here they are 😇 ik no one asked but um! idc! have more hcs :p

thank you so much for reading!! likes, comments and reblogs are much appreciated :)

[musubi05]

Could you do a actress reader who plays winchesters sister where she comes into the dressing room and everything looking pale and overwhelmed but plays it off to jared and jensen that’s she fine (even though they don’t believe her) then they go to film a scene and she ends up passing out

╰┈➤ Acting Fine

Jensen Ackles x actress!reader (platonic)

Jared Padalecki x actress!reader (platonic)

Summary: You felt off today but you didn't bother on checking for a fever. You regretted it instantly after the scene you caused. Warnings: Passing out and hospitals

The minute you woke up from your dream, you knew something was wrong. It wasn't just the pounding in your skull or the desperate thirst that had you downing nearly two bottles of water. It was the heaviness that wrapped around your body like lead, the kind of ache that lingered deep in your bones. Even the comforting darkness of the trailer, usually your safe place, didn't help.

Still, you pushed yourself up from the bed, wincing as the movement sent a pulse of pain through your head. The past two days have been rough with filming. Rough to the point where sleeping in the trailer was easier for you instead of going to one of the boys or your house. Today was supposed to be a big one. A lot of the episode centered around your character and her brothers, a rare opportunity for the three of you to dig deep emotionally. You'd been looking forward to it, even rehearsed your lines twice last night despite the pounding in your head. You didn't want to let them down.

Dragging yourself to the tiny bathroom in the trailer, you began the slow process of brushing your teeth and hair. Even that felt like lifting weights. Every movement required effort, every light you flicked on felt like staring directly into the sun. The fatigue in your limbs wasn't normal. Neither was the buzzing in your ears, like someone had turned up the static in your brain.

Still, you didn't dare look in the mirror. Not because you were afraid of what you'd see, but because you already knew - you looked as bad as you felt. You were about to step out when something caught your eye: a coffee cup with a breakfast sandwich placed on the mini kitchen counter. Your favorite. The kind of sandwich you usually inhaled before your coffee even had a chance to cool. But just the smell of it this morning turned your stomach.

Next to the food was a note:

Good morning, kiddo. Got you your favorite. We'll be in the dressing room waiting for you. - your favorite person

P.S. your favorite person is me, right? - Jar

P.S.S. Don't listen to him. We all know it's me. - Jen

The corners of your lips curved a little bit as you could practically hear their voices in the note. You didn't have the heart to throw the food out, so you gently placed it in the mini fridge. But you grabbed the coffee anyway. Maybe the caffeine would do something. Anything.

The morning air felt cold as you stepped into the dressing trailer, the fluorescent lights casting a harsh glow on your pale skin. You barely glanced at your reflection as you set your coffee down with a trembling hand, hoping neither Jared nor Jensen would notice how off you felt. Of course, that was wishful thinking.

You can feel their worried stares watching you as you make your way over to the closet to get your outfit. Jared sitting on the couch already looking like Sam was the first to speak up. "Morning, Y/n. I see you saw the food."

You put on the best smile you can hold right now. "Yeah I did. It was delicious." You set the outfit down on an empty chair. "The note was funny too."

Jensen chuckled a little bit from his makeup chair. "I am your favorite right?"

"Uh, I'd like to object. I'm obviously the best." Jared said with his finger pointing up like a nerd.

"I don't know how you guys aren't related." You rolled your eyes and went to the bathroom to change. You went slower than usual making sure that you don't get too dizzy. After getting your clothes on you, splashed some warm water on your face hoping that it'll help wake you up. You stared down at the sink a little longer before going back out there.

"Hey, Zabrina had to run out to go get something but she'll be back soon." Jensen reported to you. As he walked by he rested his hand on your shoulder going for the couch next to Jared but stopped instead. "Are you feeling okay?"

You forced a laugh, waving him off like it was nothing. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just didn't sleep much. Long night." It sounded believable enough, but inside, you felt like you were unraveling. Your chest was tight, your limbs shaky, and there was a strange buzzing in your ears that hadn't gone away since you woke up. Still, you couldn't afford to be the one who slowed things down. You sat down on your chair and straightened your shoulders, hoping Zabrina would do enough to hide the shadows under your eyes.

Jared glared at you through the mirror but you didn't stare back. Instead, you pulled out your phone and looked through Instagram trying to look distracted. The only thing distracting you was the pounding in your head.

Soon, Zabrina did come back with a few new makeup tools and started with you right away. Charmaine also came in and made sure your hair was good for the cameras in the messy bun your character always have. Jensen and Jared kept doing the talking as you kept quiet and listened. You'd mostly join in on the conversations but you were too tired to care enough.

"Girly, are you doing okay? You're pretty warm." Zabrina asked but in a low whisper as she put the brushes down.

You shook your head with an innocent smile. Your eyes big as if you didn't know what she was talking about. "All good. It might just be the layers of this costume." That wasn't really a lie. There were lots of layers for the scene today sense it was supposed to be taking place outside in the middle of the night. Anyone would feel a bit warm in this.

She just nod her head and dismissed you. You got out of your seat a bit too fast - your eye sight turns into a fuzzy black and gray blur. You held onto the counter for some support, having to blink away the clouds in your eyes.

"Hey, you sure you're doing okay?" Jared asked. Jensen immediately got up, ready to dive if you fell.

You stood up straight and grabbed the coffee cup. "Never better. You guys are such worry-warts. Don't you guys get a bit dizzy when you stand up too fast?"

"No... not really." Jared says as if you asked him if the sky was purple. Jensen stood there just watching you walking out the trailer with a smile on your face.

Jared was about to follow you immediately but Jensen put a hand on his chest to prevent him from moving. "Let's keep an eye on her," he said quietly. "Something doesn't feel right."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Jared let out a breath of air and patted Jensen on the back before catching up to you.

The bunker set was warm under the studio lights, the familiar hum of equipment and crew bustling around offering some strange comfort. The cameras rolled, and you fell into character as the long-lost Winchester sister, standing firm beside her brothers in the face of another supernatural threat. You could do this. You'd done it a hundred times before.

Jensen said his line then Jared delivered his. You said yours better than you thought you would. No hesitation. No stutter. Maybe today wasn't going to be bad. It's just some dialogue and walking around, not some crazy fight scene.

A few hours later, you guys have gotten through some scenes. Was it easy? No. You wanted to go in the bathroom and throw up sometimes. You tried to drink water but your stomach hated every drop for some reason. The twists and turns it made when you walked over to the little snack table was painful. Yet, you still held back from asking for a break or telling someone something's wrong. Jensen and Jared mostly called for the breaks. You didn't want everyone to think your overreacting and make their day any longer.

This scene now might be the end of you. It feels like gravity is your worse nightmare with how hard it's holding you down. You can feel your body get colder by every word that was spoken. Right as Jensen delivered his line and Jared stepped toward you in the scene, the world suddenly tilted. Your vision blurred, black creeping in from the edges. You swayed, tried to focus, but the sound faded to a distant echo.

Voices swirled in and out like waves, too muffled to make sense. For a moment, you weren't even sure where you were. The familiar scent of the set - dust, wood, faint cologne - was replaced by antiseptic and something cold pressed against your forehead.

"Y/N!" Jared lunged forward, catching you just before your head hit the floor. The camera operator cursed and the director called cut, but no one moved until they saw you weren't getting up.

"Call a medic!" someone yelled.

Jensen was immediately kneeling beside you, helping Jared lower you gently. "She's burning up," Jensen muttered, panic creeping into his voice. "Y/n, hey - come on, open your eyes."

You didn't respond.

⛧

You were unconscious, curled under a blanket with cold compresses pressed to your forehead and neck. Your lips were pale, skin still clammy, but your breathing had evened out a little.

Jared paced the length of the room, chewing the inside of his cheek raw. Jensen sat beside you, barely blinking as he watched for any movement.

"I should've said something earlier," Jared muttered, stopping by the sink. "I saw it. She looked terrible when she walked in."

"We both saw it," Jensen said. "She told us she was fine. We should've known better."

"Yeah, but she's like us, man. She doesn't want to be the reason anyone has to stop production."

Jensen nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's what scares me."

The silence hung heavy between them.

Then your fingers twitched.

You blinked slowly, your eyes adjusting to soft lighting overhead. Not set lighting. Fluorescent, clinical. The medic trailer.

"Hey - hey, she's waking up." Jared's voice, low but urgent, tugged you fully into consciousness. You turned your head toward the sound, wincing at the pounding in your skull.

Jensen appeared in your field of vision, crouched next to the cot with a furrowed brow and that rare look of real fear in his eyes - the kind you'd only seen when something unscripted happened on set. "Hey. Easy," he said gently. "Don't move too fast."

"What…?" your voice came out hoarse. You tried to sit up, but Jensen's hand was already on your shoulder, steady and firm.

"You passed out," Jared said quietly, standing just behind Jensen with his arms crossed and his expression unusually serious. "Mid-scene. Scared the hell out of everyone."

Your brows knit as you processed that. The last thing you remembered was Jared stepping toward you in character, and then… nothing.

"I told you I was fine," you murmured, half in defense, half in shame.

Jensen let out a slow breath, something tight in his posture finally easing - just a little. "Yeah, well, you're a shitty liar."

Jared nodded, his jaw tense. "You should've said something instead of just 'fine'. You looked off the moment you walked in."

"I didn't want to screw up the schedule," you whispered, your throat tightening - not just physically. "We've already been behind and-"

"Hey." Jared cut you off, his voice softer now as he moved closer. "You don't screw things up by being human. You're not just a character, alright? You're you."

Jensen glanced at the medic, who gave a small nod and stepped out, leaving the three of you in a moment of quiet that felt heavier than any scene you'd filmed.

"You were burning up fast. You were probably running a fever all day." Jensen added, every word filled you with embarrassment. You couldn't believe you had passed out in front of everyone.

You looked between them, tears burning behind your eyes, but you blinked them back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Jared said. "Just… don't do that again. If something's wrong, say something. We've got your back. You don't have to carry stuff alone - on-screen or off."

Jensen sat back, rubbing a hand down his face. "Okay, so you're gonna rest, and then we'll talk about how you face-planted in the most dramatic way possible."

You gave a weak laugh, and for the first time all day, it didn't feel forced.

"Deal," you whispered.

"Oh also," Jensen smiled as he pulled a bag and a water bottle from the ground, "your sandwich, missy."

You groaned, knowing where this is going. "Jen, I don't think I can eat anything right now."

"Just a few bites to get something in you. Please?" Jensen asked.

"Don't make me use the puppy eyes." Jared warned. Those damn eyes. They'll always be lethal. You reached your hand out flat and Jensen placed the bag in your hand. You slowly and unwillingly took a bite of the sandwich.

"That's our girl." Jensen smiled and ruffled your hair softly.

[ichxgo]

He feels one side of his mouth pull into a smirk. “So when you say you’ll dig me a pit, am I business or fun?” Which is his entire takeaway. 

“You know exactly how I use it.” He rolls his eyes, but only a little, the entire gesture is too much right now. “Obviously because I’m obsessed with you, and sometimes it seemed important to make sure you were still breathing.” He says it like it’s a joke, it’s not. “You’re the one making it weird, I was being thorough.” Because he couldn’t always sleep and sometimes it just fixed all the ridiculous voices whispering in the back of his head. 

“Well, that’s true.” Not that he needs to feed Shiro’s ego. “Alongside. Not fucking them. I’d fuck them. You’re really missing the point.” Which is that it’s his fantasy. Not Shiro’s. And in this fantasy there’s basically just two Shiro.

He snorts. “My own phone. Both of them. My weapons.” His favorite knife. Just because he sleeps better when it’s around, not that he’s about to say so. He almost says clothes, but that seems superfluous. He’ll just wear whatever Shiro has. 

Ichigo finishes the rest of his glass. The wave of vertigo hits hard, nothing to do with balance, since he’s sitting down. Too much to drink. Too little else. He drags in a breath.

“I should tell you too.” His words slur slightly, but he pushes through. “You know a lot of it.”

Everything feels tangled, he should stop drinking, but he pushes his glass forward anyway. “I usually work with Urahara. He’s not my boss, but I trust him more than a lot of people. He vets a lot of my jobs and sometimes sends me some. But a while back… I took a freelance job from Aizen.” Not a small name and he doubts he needs to explain that part. “It was supposed to be straightforward. Get a client list, buyers, order codes, names. In exchange, Aizen gets my old man out of prison.”

A bitter sound leaves him. “Didn’t happen like that. Turned out Aizen wanted to take down the whole trafficking ring. Which… fine. I wanted that too. I’d have done it for free. I’m pretty damn clear about that.”

He leans forward on his elbows, brow furrowing. “But when I got close to the head of the ring, someone leaked Aizen’s name.” He exhales, voice thinning. “Aizen gave me two options. Go after the guy and die, or go after him and win. Either way, Aizen gets what he wants. Dead, I’m his scapegoat. Alive, the ring’s head is gone and there’s no retaliation.” He doubts he needs to explain. 

A pause. Another slow breath. “He’s got people inside the prison. If I refused, my dad wouldn’t survive. So either I agreed or they killed him. No real choice. My old man’s tough, but…” 

His fingers twitch against the glass and he clears his throat. “I don’t know how long they had me there. But that guy—the one at the top—he needs to be dead before Aizen figures out I’m not. So I need to figure it out or make a call.” 

He crosses his arms. "Running for fun is stupid. Running isn't fun." Not that digging holes is fun. "I've had to use a shovel on more than one occasion for business, not for fun. I've run for business too. See the difference?"

It's too easy but he goes for it anyway. "It's all in how you use it." He thinks Ichigo's always been something of a figurative guard dog, for him, to his sisters, probably ever since he was little. He physically and mentally pauses, then makes a face. "Why're you being weird? Why were you watching me sleep?" He shakes his head, waves it off, "all the more reason for you to stay here and take over." Ichigo's not exactly the typical culprit, he's a trained professional, not some thug with a grudge, but still. Fucking weirdo.

He looks up and over at Ichigo, searching his face briefly, before he takes a drink and looks away. It's nice, it really is, but Ichigo's wrong and he's never been more ashamed of anything in his life than his relapse. "I'd probably beat you to it."

He scoffs and copies Ichigo's "Hmm." But with some sarcasm in it. Hmm. What kind of bullshit?

"Because I'm unimaginably, unfairly hot. That's why. No way there's a second rate version of me runnin' around that's somehow more hot." Sounds like Ichigo's wet dream. "Yeah, I mean they'd have the same genes, right? Of course they'd be hot, just not as hot as me." He's the big sibling, obviously. He arches a brow. "It'd be less weird for me to fuck my sibling?"

Yeesh. Ichigo's brave for letting them get their information from the media but they're his family, not Shiro's. He nods, "Good. You should." But, "What do you need?" He can probably acquire it.

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Official Guidebook (Vol. 2): Interview with Gavin

Interviewer: Our interview officially begins now. The questions are related to Officer Gavin's personal life and emotions. Do you need some time to get ready?

Gavin: No need, let's start.

Interviewer: As the Commander of the Special Task Force, Officer Gavin has been producing stellar results. It seems that any problems you encounter will be resolved smoothly. Everyone is very curious about whether there things you aren't good at or things that you find difficult at work.

Gavin: Yes. I'm not good with dealing with work related to documentation. Whether I'm dealing with someone else's report or my own reports, my standard is to be clear, factual and to the point. But certain documents have a minimum word requirement. Very often, even after I have described the situation, I still fall far behind the word requirement.

She once gave me feedback that my performance reports were too brief and missed out on many key points that could have been elaborated on. Before her suggestion, it's true that I never thought about how those portions could be elaborated on. I just found them troublesome.

But after some time of training, even though my documentation skills are still far from being adept, I am now able to meet the word requirement as long as I put in the effort. I also spend far less time doing so. In the worst case, I can always ask her for help.

Interviewer: I never expected Officer Gavin to have such an unexpected side. Everyone knows that STF missions are always accompanied by danger. When a mission ends successfully, how do you reward yourself?

Gavin: I'd reward myself with a bowl of beef noodles. If I'm going to Lynn's Kitchen, the boss would give me extra side dishes.

I'd also turn my phone off and have a good sleep.

It doesn't sound like a reward, but I wouldn't do anything special aside from those things. After all, to everyone at the STF, being able to complete a mission successfully is already the greatest reward. A successful mission means that I can return to her side safely, and that is what's most important.

On the other hand, she often prepares many "special surprises" whenever I'm done with a mission.

Because of this, I feel a greater sense of anticipation whenever I'm done with missions. The first thing I do when I'm done with work is to rush back to her side.

Interviewer: Hypothetically speaking, if you had a personal matter to deal with or had to keep an important person company and needed a long break, what would Officer Gavin submit in his request for leave?

Gavin: "I have things to do."

After all, the person who would approve the leave application is myself. I'm the only one who needs to know the reason.

But most of the time, I'd tell a few people in charge about what I have to do, so that it'd be easier for them to find me if any special situations crop up.

Interviewer: It looks like Officer Gavin does not relax even when he's on leave. I've heard from members of the STF that eating is the only time they can take a break. In terms of diet, does Officer Gavin have any strong likes or dislikes?

Gavin: ...I don't like bittergourd. The first time I ate bittergourd, I didn't know that such a vegetable could exist on this earth.

I had a bad impression of it as a child, so I still can't accept its flavour even now.

I don't like lotus seeds, endives, and other vegetables that are bitter. Since I rarely cook them, it's easy to avoid them. I also don't hard chunks of carrot in stew.

Even though I find them difficult to eat, I'll eat what I'm supposed to. After all, being picky isn't a good habit.

Interviewer: I heard that you raise a potted cactus called Thorny. In the process of taking care of Thorny, are there any interesting stories worth sharing?

Gavin: Hmm... I think Thorny is a cactus with a lot of things on its mind.

Thorny is more lively on sunny days than rainy days. I think it really enjoys sunbathing. When it's comfortable in the sun, the spikes on its body would become shiny. But don't ever touch it. It can be quite painful.

Recently, I found out that if I water it too early or too late, it will be a little unhappy. Is it true that cactuses can also "wake up on the wrong side of the bed"?

Sorry, I was rambling a little. In short, Thorny is a very special existence to me, and I will take good care of it.

Interviewer: I originally thought that Officer Gavin only focused on fighting criminals every day and didn't expect you to have such an interesting life. What do you often do after work?

Gavin: As a member of the STF, there isn't a clear concept of going to work and leaving work. Even when it's after work, my phone would be on standby, awaiting orders. The moment a special situation arises, I will immediately put everything else on hold.

At other times, I would fly up to the night sky for a "stroll", watch the sunrise, go for a spin or play basketball. These things make me feel relaxed.

In the past, I would go for spin around the city multiple times. Aside from relaxation, it also helped me to familiarise myself with the various streets in the city, which was helpful when carrying out missions.

But now, my first stop when going for a spin is wherever she is. I'd sometimes send her to work, sometimes pick her up from work, and sometimes just want to see her for a while. My work day doesn't end at a regular time. To save time, I'd often fly straight to her home or office and knock on the window. This used to give her a scare. But she seems to have gradually gotten used to it.

She knows that I just wanted to see her earlier.

Interviewer: Sure enough, the most important people have a subtle influence on our lives. We found a snippet of a treasured video. Let's watch it together.

Note: The video referred to is from the 3rd Anniversary Interview:

Q: How did the two of you meet? Gavin: She came to the head office because of work, and we investigated a case together. But our story actually started much earlier.

Q: What kind of a person is she? Gavin: Mm… She's kind, gentle, very responsible, and very courageous. The sort of… courage which can give me a fright. Without realising it, her hard work and actions motivate the people around her, making this world even better. That’s something incredible. Oh yes, she has great taste. Recently, my house has become much warmer, and it’s all thanks to her. She also remembers some of the habits I don’t even notice. Now that I think about it, being with her is what’s considered “living.” Before, it could only be considered “existing”. I'm not exaggerating. I’ve changed a lot because of her. Before, no matter how difficult of a time I was in, I’d feel as though I could press on for a little longer as long as I thought of her. Because she’s still waiting for me to come home. But now, that’s not all. When I have no choice but to choose danger, I’ll tell myself to be even more cautious, more careful, and resolve it even more perfectly. Because I know that if I were to get injured, she’d be angry, and will cry. So I need to take greater care of myself, and return to her side in perfect condition. Mm… she looks especially pretty when she smiles. Cough… Actually, I don’t really know what to say for this question. She isn’t someone who can be described clearly with a few simple sentences. But she’s very good.

Interviewer: Looking back at that interview, do you still think the same way as before?

Gavin: The same. The current me is still changing because of her.

Interviewer: She is someone whom you cherish greatly - can I describe her that way? When the both of you go on dates, do you make any special preparations?

Gavin: Not really. I'd just confirm the time that we set off, the condition of the route, information of surrounding shops, the temperature and the intensity of the ultraviolet rays on that day and other things. If we are visiting another city or a faraway place, I'd find some shops where we can rest our feet and new places that she might be interested in. Of course, sometimes we would just take a casual stroll in the city.

If I had to say something... perhaps there are some "special preparations" when I return from a mission. For example, doing a meticulous check on myself to see if there are any injuries. Sometimes, I don't notice trivial scratches because I'm too used to them. But her eyes are very sharp when it comes to this. If she discovers them, her expression would be a little... I don't know how best to describe it. Hide them? No. If I do find a wound, I'd first tend to it properly before preparing a reason for it when she asks.

This should count as a "special preparation", right? By the way, please don't tell her about this.

Interviewer: Even though she isn't anywhere nearby, she can still make Officer Gavin this nervous. It looks that Officer Gavin really cares about her! When the two of you are together, when does she make your heart accelerate most?

Gavin: When she looks at me, when she smiles, when she eats delicious food, when she tilts her head to study recipes, when she's serious at work... My heart always stirs at her every action.

My heart accelerates the most when... hmm... (the interviewee sinks into deep contemplation).

(A rather long time passes.)

It should be whenever I return to Loveland City after a mission and see her for the first time. Sometimes, it's when I just push open the door to the house. Sometimes, it's when I fly to her office window. sometimes, it's at the entrance of the STF... When she sees me, her eyes would instantly light up and she would run to me with a smile.

In that moment, I always hear the sound of my heart racing.

Although I've experienced it many times, the moment my sense of longing is perfected, my heart always beats very quickly.

Interviewer: That's incredibly romantic. Do you think that you're a jealous person?

Gavin: Yes. I think it's pretty obvious.

Although when I know that I'm jealous and know that the things I do can be quite childish and have told myself that it isn't a big deal, my actions are a different thing. I can't help it. When it comes to her, I'm petty. Even if people say that I'm the pettiest person in the world, I don't care.

Interviewer: That's an unexpected answer. If she ever asks you a question that has an embarrassing answer, what would you do?

Gavin: ...I guess I would still respond.

Most of the questions that have an "embarrassing answer" that come to my mind are related to emotions hidden in my heart.

I... have never been good at expressing such things, and prefer to take action. But I would try my best to summarise my emotions. I believe that in the end, I would be able to overcome the feeling of embarrassment. Whether it's good or bad, I want to show her everything I have.

That's the frankness and openness that I had promised to her.

Interviewer: What has she ever said to you that left you at a loss?

Gavin: ...I've always been at a loss when it comes to her.

After all, no matter what she does, my only option has always been to give in.

But if she insists on working while sick, or if she doesn't have proper meals, I wouldn't compromise.

Interviewer: I believe that such a person must have left a deep impression on you. After being with her for such a long time, how do you think you have changed?

Gavin: The most obvious change is that life has become much more regular (laughs). People around me have said that she has made me "glossy and shiny".

Personally, I feel that I've become better at taking care of myself, cherishing myself, and letting loose.

I've begun to hope that I'd return to her side safely after every mission, and I don't force myself to shoulder everything. After all, if I don't do certain things well, she would remember these things in secret and find a way to "deal" with me.

For example, if I get seriously injured, she would revoke my "eating spicy food privileges" to prevent my wounds from getting inflamed... Of course, she would also cook nutritious meals for me.

Also, there are more things to worry about now, and I also understand what fear is.

I think these are very good changes. There may be more of such changes in the future.

Interviewer: After being with her, have you done things that you've never done before?

Gavin: Many. She has made my life richer and more interesting.

Performing in plays, getting serious about cooking, being a model, taking wedding photographs...

None of these things had crossed my mind before. Experiences that I thought would never happen in my life have now become irreplaceable memories. This feeling is very magical and I'm very happy.

I hope that I can also bring her a lot of new experiences and make her feel that each day with me is a happy one.

Interviewer: Since you've done many things that you haven't done before, are there any things that you want to do with her but do not dare to?

Gavin: There were many things back in high school, but they've more or less been fulfilled now. Thinking back on it feels a little miraculous. As for now... of course there are. But I can't tell you about them.

There were many in high school, but now they have basically been realised. Turn around. Look, it's a little magical now... of course there are also. But I can't tell you.

Interviewer: In exchange, please tell us a little secret that she doesn't know.

Gavin: Hmm...

When I was shaving a few days ago, I accidentally bumped into a lipstick that she often uses. It fell on the ground and a corner chipped off.

But I bought her an identical one and put it back in secret. She shouldn't be able to tell... right?

There's an obvious difference between a used and new lipstick? Of course I know that. Which is why I wore it down a little with tissue...

It's still noticeable?!

...

Mm...

...

Do you think I shouldn't have done that?

Interviewer: It would be best for Officer Gavin to consider the lipstick problem by himself! If there is a challenge called "How long can you not think about her", how long do you think your record would be?

Gavin: This challenge wouldn't work for me.

A challenge means is that there is a competition arising from a set goal, and participants would need to have certain qualities to be evenly matched.

I don't have an option of "not thinking about her", so I feel that this record would not exist.

Interviewer: After hearing your answer, I believe your daily life with her must be very sweet. What do you think of creating little surprises in your life together?

Gavin: At first, I didn't care much about "surprises", so I did whatever that came to mind, whether it's visiting her or other things. There was a time when I reflected on whether these overly direct actions would bother her, so I would subconsciously consider what she wanted a little more. I couldn't help it. When I'm with her, I'm not like myself sometimes.

After being together for a long time and understanding each other better, we became more at ease. I found out that she actually liked some of the ways I behaved in the past. During those times, her eyes would be bright when she looks at me, and very pretty. So from time to time, I'd do some things to her that are... how should I put it... "out of character", and some things I'd want to do when I feel greedy.

She likes it, and so do I.

Maybe this is the so-called sense of surprise.

Interviewer: Well, I won't hold Officer Gavin back from work. I'll use the final question to wrap up this interview! If you were to use a phrase to describe your feelings towards each other, what would it be?

Gavin: "The only one."

The only one whose heart stirs. The only one who decides destiny. The only starting point and ending point.

If there is someone on earth who could make me give everything to her without hesitation, it would be her.

✧ Sub-masterlist

[milk-is-stable]

No! I Always Loved that Caravan!

Sickday rewatch requested by @sw33t-transv3stit3. I'm sick! send me a longform to watch and I'll make a commentary/headcanon post about it! (using the tag #sfth liveblog, so that's what to blacklist if you don't want your dash taken up by this)

Pre-watch thoughts: I don't rewatch this one a lot, so this'll be fun! Of course looking forward to the classic caravan brothers scene, but I do feel like the rest of this one often gets forgotten in favor of that one moment, so looking forward to seeing what other hidden gems are here!

Liveblogging:

Right off the bat, we've got one plot thread being set up that I know is going to be dropped/twisted later on. Classic AJ starts out the scene wanting his son to sell the caravan, and then after getting confused by all the Arthur Scargill talk, is on the "I DON'T want him to sell it!"

NO OTHER BEACHES. Brighton is a MYTH.

(honestly there are a lot of geography jokes in this one that are harder for me as an american but it's still very funny)

MEDIA STUDIES are a MYTH

The saga of stealing chairs from the rest of the cast begins.

(god luke and sam look so young in this one. am i the only one who thinks that in the older videos, luke and sam just look like little guys? I know the recording is only a from a few years ago, but in your late 20s/early 30s sometimes that makes a lot of difference. aj and tom are quite ageless but luke gains a new age every time he changes his hair and sam is very baby faced without the beard)

This fandom sleeps on Jericho, honestly, what a guy. I don't know what accent Tom is going for, but whatever it is he did NOT achieve it and we love that for him. We're also very concerned about your speech impediment, Jericho.

Tom's old money speech feels very reminiscent of the temple to destruction speech, not in vibes, but in a "I think Tom just blacked out on stage and has NO idea what he's saying" way.

Love that this is one of the examples of AJ's characters being the ones to bring pathos into the stories. I feel like each of the four of them have their moments/longforms where it was their choices that brought that element to life, but in this show it's definitely AJ. Without his father's internal motivation, we'd just have tom, luke, and sam's insanity bouncing from scene to scene. Despite his initial plot point switcharoo, it's AJ who really grounds this one.

Sam's Arthur Scargill is....certainly something. Not one of his more coherent characters, to be honest XD Also AJ's deadpan "He was a ghost" is perfect XD

Sam WHY are you bringing the us southern accent into this mess, this is the last thing we need XD (also we call them RVs, Sam. Winnebago is a brand, and not even in a bandaid way).

THIS IS WHY AJ GROUNDS THIS PLAY. Sam what are you even talking about rn XD

"Our oldest tradition is 250 years old" hey now XD

"some change can be bad."

CARAVAN HUTCH

Never noticed the way that Tom looks Sam up and down after asking if he has the caravan on him, as if he's expecting him to pull it out of his pocket.

"Have you got a driver guy?" Luke: MY TIME HAS COME

"Fiiive Graand What?"

"I wasn't listening, were you?" this further supports my point that whenever Tom comes on as these types of characters he just Fully Blacks Out

This scene could also be renamed "Luke and Tom try to match/one up each other's freak for three minutes"

How did we get to Brighton I thought we were going to London- oh ok we are in London......Tom why did you come on as the spirit of Brighton what did that add to the scene XD

I love how proud of himself AJ looks whenever he makes a particularly good joke. "NEXT. CHANNEL."

"Two...REALLY creepy guys are gonna go pick up the caravan." Luke: MY TIME HAS COME AGAIN

Sam: you're adding new elements into this story quite late, aren't you? AJ: you thought there was pathos before? Time to ADD MORE, BITCHEEEES

"I suppose I've got the five grand, maybe there are no stakes left here" AJ: Oh right, here, let me inject some last minute danger into this then. Luke: MY TIME HAS COME FOR A THIRD TIME!

Sam: Ok, you know what? We've lost the plot on this way too much, so fuck it, this is the film now. This whole thing was the film. Jericho: Oh....okay then, fuck me I guess. Luke: fuck you again, actually.

AJ: THE PATHOS guys, remember the PATHOS!!!

And scene! Honestly, not one of their more coherent stories, but has some of the most laugh out loud moments, making it extremely fun.

[ludolka]

Pygmalion and Galatea - A Project Xelqua au fic

Word count: 2158

Description: Pygmalion in Greek mythology was a sculptor who fell in love with a statue he has created, named Galatea. Null wants to kiss Joel, his main creator, who has to decide between acting based on his morals or his attraction

Written in third person, from Joel’s POV, who is kind of an unreliable narrator

Author’s note at the end

-

Joel let out a heavy sigh and eyed the cold cup of coffee on his desk. Was it his 5th or 6th coffee of the day? He wasn’t sure, he stopped counting his daily caffeine intake years ago. It wasn’t even that late yet, only around 5 pm, but he has been sitting at this computer since 8 am and he was nowhere near finished with what he planned on completing today

The computers and scattered around technology sang their electronic songs to him and he could swear his typing made the melody of some classical song he heard years ago. Or maybe he was going insane. But he found comfort in the noise, he has grown to get so used to it over the years and the countless hours he’s spent on this project in this laboratory that sometimes he couldn’t fall asleep at night due to the silence. This was his home now, he spent far more time in this building than at his actual home. He just went there to sleep

Right now he was working on trying to calculate and improve Null’s balance. Even after all these years of working on Null, his balance was still a bit off, leading him to trip or wobble whenever he had to be on his feet for an extended period of time. And for the life of him, Joel couldn’t figure out where the error was. His college and by now pseudo family member, Mumbo has also been trying to find the root cause of the wobbling in Null’s code, but has come to the conclusion that his code was working as intended and it was a mechanical issue rather than a programming one

He has been recalculating and overlooking everything for so long that he has forgotten Null was sitting not that far from him. That was until Null spoke up, breaking the lull of the orchestra of electronics

“You aren’t in a relationship, correct?”

Joel blinked a few times as he processed the question, his mind needing a few seconds to break away from only thinking in binary and machinery. He didn’t look up from his computer, but he was a bit grateful for the distraction and the break from his current thought process that seemed to be going nowhere

“Yep, I’m as single as one can be. I barely have time to sleep, let alone to date”

Null stayed quiet for a bit, Joel wasn’t sure if he went back to doing whatever he was doing before or if he was processing the answer and coming up with a response. He took a sip from his cold coffee and briefly thought about taking a smoke break, to move around a bit and get some fresh air, break the monotony

“But you have been in one before, correct?”

Joel raised an eyebrow, but still didn’t face Null even though he could feel those big eyes burning holes into him. Null always had interesting eyes, no matter how they modified them, he still had this intense stare that seemed to look straight into people’s souls. Some investors even found him creepy for his staring and refused to back up the project. They claimed he looked like he knew too much and that was uncanny for them. Joel has gotten used to it over the years

“Yes, I have. Why?”

Null was always curious, always asking millions of questions, ones that often made no sense to anyone but him. He has gotten into the habit of asking the team personal questions over the last few months and that was always a tricky area with how they were supposed to answer without overly influencing Null. Null was supposed to be this blank slate with no opinions on topics that could be classified as controversial, to make him as widely marketable as possible. This however didn’t stop him from asking the team’s personal ideologies and views. And Joel blamed Jimmy the most for slipping up, he spent the most time actually talking to Null and he seemed to sometimes forget Null wasn’t another person

“What does kissing feel like?”

Joel felt himself frown and he actually turned to look at Null at this question, deciding this conversation was more interesting than his calculations and was therefore worthy of his full attention. He found Null already staring at him like he expected. He also decided this must have been the fault of Lizzie or Mumbo, the two hopeless romantics of the team. Lizzie liked showing Null videos, movies and poems about love, claiming this was helping him understand humanity better

“Uh, I might not be the best person to ask that. I can’t give you some poetic description. Kiss the ball of your thumb or the inner part of your wrist, that comes pretty close to the feeling”

Joel was already well versed in answering questions and explaining mundane everyday things that he never would have thought he’d be asked about. Null learnt like this after all, no matter how silly his questions sounded. Null broke his intense stare from Joel and looked down at his slightly raised hand, the led circles in his eyes spinning before dropping it and turning his full attention back to Joel once again

“Why do people kiss each other?”

“Usually because they are attracted to each other or love each other. It’s also a form of affection”

Joel wasn’t sure why Null was asking him this, something he could easily look up online and get long well-written articles on the importance and history of kissing and the evolutionary reasoning for it, all of which he didn’t know. He has learnt that when Null asked simple questions, it was usually a lead up to a point he wanted to make or get to. Joel just had no idea what his end goal with this conversation was

“I want to kiss you. I want to know how it feels”

Joel swallowed and just stared at Null for a bit, who looked as nonchalant and casual as always. Like he was just talking about the weather or something mundane like that. He forced himself to say something when he felt his face heat up and saw Null’s leds start to spin, probably studying his reaction

“I uh- me? Why do you want to kiss me out of everyone?”

Joel has learnt that sometimes it was better to just let Null talk and explain himself, often leading to him being satisfied with the conclusions he himself came to. And also to better understand his thought process, which seemed impossible to follow sometimes

“Because I’m attracted to you. That’s why people kiss each other, no?”

Joel felt his face heat up more and his brain felt like it short circuited. Out of all possible answers, he never expected this. This was also new, Null hadn't expressed attraction of any kind towards anything or anyone before, Joel thought he was unable to feel that. Then something clicked in his mind and he relaxed back against his chair, looking a lot less shocked than before. Null was an ai who parroted what he heard. This couldn’t have been a genuine confession, no matter how that left a bitter aftertaste in Joel’s mouth

“Which of those fuckers talked about finding me attractive? Maybe they didn’t even realize you could hear them and here you are telling on them”

Joel’s tone and attitude changed to a more amused one and a slight smirk tugged on the corners of his lips, he would have found this whole conversation hilarious if it wasn’t for that dull ache in his chest. Null tilted his head to the side, like he was the confused one now, which Joel just found more amusing

“None of them. Mumbo was talking to Lizzie about how he found Scar attractive. You weren’t brought up”

Joel’s mind short circuited again, like he couldn’t understand what Null was telling him, no matter how simple his answer was. He felt himself tense up again and he closely studied Null’s expression, to see if he was making a joke or something like he sometimes did to fuck with Joel’s head. Lately he has been very much enjoying getting under Joel’s skin and flustering him for some reason

“Then why are you saying this?”

Joel’s voice was quieter and he just watched as Null got up from his seat near the window and walked closer to him. Joel wasn’t sure if he was frozen in his chair or if he didn’t want to move. Null stopped a foot away from him and leant down a bit, so they were at eye level

“Because I’m attracted to you and I want to kiss you”

Joel felt like his head was spinning and he was so close to throwing all logic and rationale out the window to act on impulse. He looked down at Null’s lips before he seemingly got a bit of sense back and instinctively looked over at the camera at corner of the room

“I shouldn’t”

He barely whispered, but he knew Null could hear him. Then there was a hand on his cheek, making him turn back to face Null, who hasn’t moved closer. Joel thought about the contrast between their expressions for a second, Null looked so calm and sure of himself, like this wasn’t affecting him in the slightest while he was a flustered stuttering mess

“I can turn the cameras off. No one would know. I know you want to kiss me too, I’ve seen how you look at me. You’re attracted to me”

Now Joel felt his face heat up with shame. He was well aware of his attraction, but he kept it so under control, never letting anyone, not even his closest friends know about it. And now here was the subject of his attraction, who he wanted to know about this the least, telling it to him so casually. He felt like a child being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Like he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to do and he immediately felt like he had to repent for a sin he didn’t even commit. He never meant to act on an attraction that felt so incredibly wrong, he felt like just by having it he was betraying himself. And he had to remind himself that Null wasn’t a person who would be able to consent or reciprocate feelings, no matter how human he acted or how indistinguishable he was from a person at times in his mannerisms and behavior. Null was an ai powered machine, he was technology under the pretty face and pale skin, not flesh

He also had to remind himself that Null was an incredibly expensive piece of machinery and that he could easily be fired and sued if he somehow damaged or contaminated Null, even with just a kiss. He had no idea what even a simple kiss could do to Null, what kind of consequences that could have on his programming and how he viewed the world. Null was a blank canvas and he felt like he’d draw a line on it with a permanent sharpie if he gave in to his desires

“Null, no”

He knew he didn’t sound convincing in the slightest, knew that he’d give in if Null kept pushing and he prayed that Null took the hint and listened to his words rather than his tone or body language, absolving and saving him from falling into a hole he wasn’t sure he could get out of. He wasn’t sure he could go back once that line was crossed, no matter how much he felt pulled towards it, no matter how it was verbally already crossed

Null stayed still for a bit, studying Joel as his leds spun around. It felt like hours for Joel, but in the end Null simply nodded and drew his hand back before walking back to his seat, not glancing back at Joel, rather focusing his attention on the city skyline. He has been fixated on just watching the city from above through windows lately, sometimes not even paying attention to people talking to him, he seemed so lost in whatever he was watching

Joel let out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding. He stared at Null for a bit longer, unable to tear his eyes away from him and he could have sworn he saw Null’s expression slightly shift. Was he disappointed? Hurt? Was he even capable of feeling those things? Were the others right about Null becoming sentient? Joel’s head spun and despite barely being awake just a few minutes ago, he was now fully awake like someone poured ice cold water over him

He grabbed his pack of cigarettes off of the desk near him and forced himself to leave the room for a much needed smoke break, hoping it’d clear his mind

-

Author’s note: I love unreliable narrators so much, who see the world through their own biases and don’t know everything needed to fully understand the situation they are in, often misunderstanding it and drawing the wrong conclusion. Null’s more sentient than machine while Joel sees him the other way around. Null’s fully capable of feeling attraction and making decisions for himself, while Joel thinks he’s just copying something he saw or heard without truly understanding what he’s doing or saying

[ineffectualdemon]

Shang Qinghua was 17 when he met Mobei Jun and Wei Qingwei, Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu all were already head disciples and had their courtesy names at that point

Which since 16/17 is I believe roughly the age when Shen Qingqiu joined the sect and Shang Qinghua took at least 2 more years to get the head disciple position that means that it's reasonable to assume that Shen Jiu is at least roughly 2 years older then Shang Qinghua because he wasn't at the sect long before becoming head disciple. I suppose he could have done it in a year but being named succeeding disciple after two years make the most sense to me.

It's still quick and but it's more believable

Which is just something to keep in mind because I see a lot of disciple fics that have Shang Qinghua intervene and warn Yue Qingyuan or something or help him out but realistically that couldn't have happened.

If Yue Qingyuan was 13-14ish when he got accepted to Cang Qiong (let's say he was a little old but not too much) and Shen Jiu was 12 then Shang Qinghua couldn't have been older then 10

If you give minimum of 4 years of separation then Shang Qinghua wouod have been at the oldest 14 when Shen Jiu and Yue Qingyuan met again. So it's not sensible to believe that he might not have even been at Cang Qiong when that happened as he was an "older than average" outer disciple when he met Mobei for the first time

Also things to note about Shen Jiu and Yue Qingyuan

1. Yue Qingyuan is constantly telling Shen Jiu to stop being a dick

2. He also thinks it's cute when he's being a a vicious little gremlin because the man is a freak.

Of course Yue Qi knew he wasn't scared. If he really let Shen Jiu brawl with the other kids he'd fight dirty . He'd gouge at their eyes and kick them in the belly or crotch or shin. He was terribly vicious, and the other party would be the one to end up suffering and bawling in terror. Yue Qi forced down a smile.

SVSSS Vol 4 Pg 82 (bold is mine)

Yue Qingyuan is always in between stopping Shen Jiu from destroying his interpersonal relationships and thinking it's awesome

3. Shen Jiu is absolutely to blame for his feud with Liu Qingge. Yes he is unjustly accused of trying to kill him during he thing with Shang Qinghua but he has screamed "I am definitely going to kill you" multiple times in public and after losing to him once in a proper tournament, where people were impressed by how long he held out, he took to regularly ambushing Liu Qingge

On top of that yeah the guy from Bai Zhan did follow Shen Jiu into the brothel to insult him which was rude but Shen Jiu beat him up so viciously that he had serious wounds which is why Liu Qingge was pissed off about it in return

Liu Qingge is absolutely also a dick to Shen Jiu and needles him about his cultivation but Shen Jiu created the initial problem

4. I really don't think Yue Qingyuan can tell Shen Jiu why he couldn't rescue him. And not out of guilt or because he thinks it's an excuse. I genuinely think at the very least trauma makes him incapable of describing it until Maigu Ridge. And even then he said it's the only time he'll be able to say it. I think it's also possible it's related to his sword and he can't talk about unless it's drawn but that's more nebulous. The trauma one is real.

5. Shen Jiu wasn't popular with his peers at Qing Jing but he wasn't Binghe level of hated. He couldn't sleep in the communal areas because trauma but he wasn't chased out or unwelcome in those spaces. Also he liked his Qing Jing Peak Lord and had a a good relationship with them

He got into Qing Jing via Yue Qingyuan but he made Head Disciple on his own merit

[rainisdey]

Supposed to have gone to sleep but my brain is too active now and I'm typing this on phone which is so so uncomfortable after typing on computer for hours. Not the point though.

Holy shit we did get into LS at the same time! Because mine was like mid-march as well when my friends showed me S4 Zam POV!! That's so cool :0

I cannot yet really answer that, will definitely have to wait till the finale, but my guess so far is that if he was given more time and Minute got to do his part of the plan (he was supposed to do the same thing as Derap but for his team per Dechu's plan) that would eventually somehow lead to? ending or pausing the war between the teams? What's interesting btw is that Minute apologized to Derap for Mapicc rating him out and was actually willing to work with him on this thing! Lowk wanna see some teamwork from these two in s7, that'd be cool :3

Oh my god Hannah and Derapchu are literally character foils to each other holy shit. THEY'RE GENUINE CHARACTER FOILS......... that's so cool thank you for telling me all that!! and you're correct on what you said about Derapchu's insecurity: he isn't taken seriously, so he gets all the best things and spins the narratives to focus them on his achievements, all in hopes of being respected and taken seriously. Like, he doesn't even feel like Zam (prior to this week) was taking him seriously, and he especially felt so during the Truman Show bit. He would literally mute multiple times to just express his frustration and shout at Zam for brushing off his worries... just to later unmute and keep it quiet, keep it to himself. Oh, derapchu.

(Funny fact about his PvP skills: bro is genuinely getting screwed over by his Australian ping 😭😭🙏. He had a stream while in the Netherlands during which he logged onto LS duels and he did so great?? like not even glazing he did wayyy better than usual)

Also, don't even worry about making everything about Hannah cuz that's exactly how I am with Derapchu; I get it LOL

glad we can agree on the twitch chat hate! honestly at this point thinking of somehow covering the part of the screen where the chat shows in the stream just so I don't have to see it...

YES YES of course!! and a big thank you to you for explaining the Hannah POV! in fact, I'd love love love to hear more about her since I know next to nothing ! ^_^

Now to genuinely go sleep erm....

wait hi hello im going through the spoiler tag and did another bad bad awful conversation happen with derap or what. did his dumbass say something stupid again. (i was drawing and listening to will wood instead of watching the stream 😭😭)

oh raini..... okay so this is my #understanding of what happened on pangis stream umm i was watching zam ! but my understanding is he told pangi what happened and his explanation for why he Did All That was that it was "giving zam a taste of his own medicine" and "consequences for his actions" 😐 um . yeahhhhh and then he also apparently feels bad bc hes been /msging zam coords ? the first set went to a mace (shes so rich man she has EIGHTEEN MACES !! i learned that....) and she didnt follow the second set. but yeahhhh he called her paranoid again also and apparently implied that shes wrong for mistrusting him now and that she wouldnt except shes sooo paranoid 😬 so 😬

[graceful-not]

No actually all of you need to sit your asses down bc I just watched the legacy shorts and. HOW HAVE I NEVER HEARD ANYONE SAY ANYTHING ABT THEM OTHER THAN GOLDEN HOUR AND SWEATING TO THE GOLDIES???? HOW HAS NO INE SAID A SINGLE THING ABOUT THE GOLDEN LEGEND SHORT?? OR THE ANIMATION STYLE OF GOLD RUSH???? I could have gone my whole life without watching those do you understand that. Why are we, as a fandom, not taking about these more, or like, AT ALL. we should be insane about this. We should be insane about this, right??? RIGHT??????

[reflectingiridescent]

Do not even even EVEN EVEN EVEN get me started on Sophie "there's fake and then there's fake" Devereaux, grifter extraordinaire with a phd in compartmentalization, who spent half her life in an identity crisis, being introduced as someone's "one true thing".

I am FERAL. I am BREATHLESS. I am simultaneously SCREAMING AT THE SKY.

WHO TF DO I NEED TO CONVINCE TO GIVE ME A SEASON 4? OH MY GOD???

[parasocialqueen]

THE PARALLELS WHEN NEIL IS IN THE NEST WITH TSC ARE SICKENING. Wdymmmmm “jean was forbidden to use French but he’s whispered it to Neil when Riko wasn’t close enough to hear.”

I AM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCING MIND ISTG