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chaniceroses · 8 months ago

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Bad Boys Ride or Die (Armando x Reader) PART SEVEN

The sun is barely out now while the darkness is slowly covering the sky. You’re seeing shadows within the woods, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. It’s getting cold and you’re probably about a mile away from where Mike, Marcus and Armando were. You’re starting to regret walking away from them but what else were you supposed to do. Sit around and let McGrath find you since that’s what he’s been doing.

So you kept walking until you heard a soft sound of wood snapping which made you turn around. You couldn’t really see so you just stared into the abyss. Someone was most definitely there, the thought of it maybe being McGrath crossed your mind.

“Reveal yourself, I don’t have time for the games.”, you sighed trying to see past the trees. At this point the sun was completely gone and the moon was shining. Allowing you to see a tall dark figure move from behind the tree. You watched as the person started taking small steps towards you, it was Armando. Turning back around, you started to walk again when you noticed that the sound of branches and leaves started happening rapidly. He was running towards you so you started running too. Now we can play his games. You ran as fast as you could to get away from him, making random turns to confuse him.

“Y/n! Stop!”He screamed while chasing you but you kept running. You tried picking up speed but were too tired so you stopped.

“Armando, have you been following me the whole fucking time.”, you asked,looking at him as he is also out of breath while walking up to you. You knew he was but wanted to play dumb, it was better that way.

“Y/n,you’re a smart girl, you knew that I was.”, he responded back pointing at you. You didn’t like how easy he could read you. How he knows you so well without really knowing you.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone man. I don’t need you.”, you knew that was a lie but it was better to say that then have Armando and the others involved in your mess when the whole purpose with us being out here is to prove Howard’s innocence.

He looked down at you, although you couldn’t entirely see his face, his eyes nearly glowed in the dark. “I don’t make promises at all because things always happen but you can trust me. Even if I don’t like you. I wouldn’t want my…a woman out here by herself. No matter what kind of “killer” I am.”, he explained, going off. He was mad and you could tell. His eyebrows were now caved in and you could tell that his breathing had picked up in speed.

You looked down and grabbed his hand and caressed his forearm. You weren’t sure whether to trust him or not, but you had no choice. You knew it would be a death sentence if you went to McGrath by yourself. You turned to look to the side and saw how you guys were overpowered by darkness, so you accepted your loss.

ARMANDO’S POV

I watched as she looked around while rubbing my arm. Her hands were soft and her touch was making my friend smile. I could tell that she didn’t want to go back but honestly, she had no choice. I wouldn’t have allowed her to walk out here by herself, I would be a fool.

“Come back with me, please.”, I begged. Me…Armando…Begging, this is new.

She turned around and was now looking up at me. Her skin was as smooth as the night time, while her eyes twinkled. Damn, she’s sexy and the way she stares. I would love to see her staring at me from a different position.

“Focus.”, I whispered to myself. I watched as her facial expression changed from being worried to now being confused. Think of something.

“You..need to focus.”, I added, trying to come up with something. I watched as she shook her head in agreement.

“Well, show me the way.”, she replied, letting go of my arms and folding hers. I turned around and started heading towards the direction that we came from.

“Do you remember the way?”, she asked following behind me. Honestly, I didn’t but I also know that if Marcus and Mike did what they were supposed to do. We should be seeing a small fire from a distance.

“Yeah so come hold my hand so you won’t get lost.”, I commanded, handing my hand out behind me for her to grab. I was afraid that she would be hesitant to do so and for a second, all I could feel was air going in between my fingers. However once she connected her hands with mine, I could feel the warmth from our bodies connecting. It made me feel odd, a feeling I've never felt before.

After a couple turns and a couple minutes of running, I spotted Marcus and Mike near the fire that I told them to make. We eventually met up with them and were greeted by the sounds of the woods. Not a single word was said. We both sat down, Y/n and I on one log and Marcus and Mike on the other. We could see each other clearly now due to the fire blooming out.

“So you’ve come back.”, Mike whispered looking at y/n across the fire.

I watched as Marcus turned at Mike and whispered something to him. Y/n just stared. I wasn’t sure if she was looking at Mike or looking at the fire that was right in front of him. All I know is that she wasn’t here.

“Yeah, so what?”, she answered, still keeping her eyes at whatever she was looking at.

“What the hell is going on?!”Mike yelled, standing up while looking at every person.

“Calm down!”I yelled back. I didn’t like how he was talking to her. We all go through shit and lose people but he was attacking her for no reason.

“Seriously, this isn’t needed right now but Armando and y/n we do need answers.”, Marcus added, looking at Mike and then at y/n and I.

I turned to look at y/n, I didn’t know as much as they think I do. I wanted answers also and even personal questions to ask.

“Okay.”, she whispered looking up at Mike and then Marcus. “I say this one time and one time only with no disrespect added because I’ll be damned.”, she continued pointing at Mike and then at the log underneath him

I watched as Mike sat down. I could tell she was sick of Mike shit because I was too. I watched as she moved her eyes to look off into the abyss within the woods, maybe trying to figure out what to say.

“My name is Y/N Smith. However, when I was undercover while working with the Cartel, I was known as Rose and was extremely close with everyone that did business within it. So I made sure that only the heads would know what I looked liked and that no one knew my real name. ”, she explained, looking at us.

“You’re Rose…Rose Gonzalez? How did you keep your identity a secret for so long?”Mike asked, looking at her and then at me.

“Wait…you worked with my mom?”I asked, turning to look at her. At this point we were all searching for answers.

“ I stayed hidden because I killed anyone who wasn't supposed to see me or would tell. So I guess you could say I have a lot of blood on my hands.”, she whispered, turning her hands around to look at her palms.

“I knew that you were undercover Mike because I had worked with you. We just had never met. Same with you, Armando.”, she answered, turning to look at me. I could see regret fill her eyes, what else was she holding back?

“The operation that Mike was working on, blew up in my face at the wrong time. So I had to actually become a boss in order for my identity not to be revealed because they were killing their own people to figure out who was undercover.”

“I remember that happening…someone was talking to me on the phone while I did it.”, I replied, reminiscing about it. My mind started playing back to that night, I was on the phone with a woman and she was calling all of the shots and was paying me heavy money for it.

“So, that was you that night?”I asked, keeping my attention on her. I could tell she was becoming uncomfortable with talking about her past, maybe this is why she’s been all over the place.

“This is starting to make sense but…how does this correlate with you and McGrath and Howard? How did you know him?"Mike interrogated, scratching the back of his head.

" I met your mom while she was in prison, a little before we helped her get out and with McGrath... He came up to me and introduced himself to me. At first, I was afraid, thinking it could be a set up with how deep I had gotten to my role but after a while of seeing him, I became drawn towards him. That deep harsh voice that he has, kind of like yours Armando besides the accent, pulled me in.”, she explained, grabbing the rocks that were by her feet.

“So it was one of those falling in love bullshit.”, I scoffed, rubbing the back of my neck but blushing at the fact she mentioned my accent. I watched as she snapped her head to look at me really fast. I couldn’t help but to feel jealous inside but the pieces are connecting between her and McGrath.

“It wasn’t bullshit at the time. I was hooked, although I was young, very young. And me being with him, made him look like a pervert. I was genuinely hooked.”

“I guess you can say she’s a"DILF ".”, Marcus laughed

I wasn’t sure how to respond to his comment, I thought it was kind of disrespectful knowing what she’s been through. “So what happened for him to hate you.”, I asked, shifting my whole body towards her. I wanted to know every detail about their relationship, her past. I wanted her and I wanted to fill and complete her. Sexually and Spiritually.

“He proposed to me about a year and a half later. I was terrified because he never knew that I was undercover, and I didn’t want to get a random citizen involved. It was things within that nature that I had to think about…”

“Did you say yes?”Mike questioned moving away from Marcus to sit next to the log that was near y/n.

He was intrigued by her past, I could tell by the way he was leaning in towards her. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t too.

“I did, and I knew I was asking for a death sentence but I had no choice but to say yes.”, she replied, shaking her head. She didn't acknowledge anyone’s presence anymore, she was just talking and listening to the questions that were being asked.

“I was pregnant and I had told him, some may think he proposed to lock me down but I look at it as him genuinely loving me however, you never know with men…”

You’d know with me…

“Okay so this makes sense but still…with Howard death, and McGrath hating you? You had to have done something.”Marcus interrogated standing up.

“I knew about you being an undercover Mike, I just never said anything because you would’ve been killed plus Howard told me so once your operation was a success with Armando’s mother being sent to prison, it became a death trap for everyone else who were still in hiding. Which is what had happened. I didn’t know that McGrath was a D.E.A Agent, I had no clue.”, she whispered.

At this point, I could tell that she was on the verge of tears. The jealousy that I once had in my body was now turning soft. I slightly moved my head to Marcus and Mike to see them looking at her with sympathy.

“I had called the heads and formed a meeting so that we could talk about Armando’s mom being sent to prison. At this point of time, I was passed being undercover, I was drawn in. I wanted her out so that’s when I called you, Armando, and formed a plan but while I was on the phone with you, the other Cartel members brought in McGrath, which left me so confused, which is why I had randomly hung up.”, she replied, getting up to pace back and forth.

“I thought…I thought maybe he followed me because from time to time I made it hard for him to see me ....so that he could be safe y’know. I never knew that he was an undercover agent. He would talk to me about things that he would do and feed me fun facts that had honestly helped me with my operation, however it never got to me that he was being literal because he would always laugh. So when he and his team showed up, there was nothing that I could do. I couldn’t help because that would’ve gotten me killed so I sent them to one of the rooms for them to be dealt with.”, she cried, shaking her head back and forth.

I stood up, and grabbed her to embrace her with a hug. I wasn’t used to having sympathy for others but y/n was different and I didn’t care about the stupid expression that was on Mike and Marcus faces. I just knew that she needed to be comforted and I was going to be the one to do that.

I lifted her chin so that she could look up at me. Her cheeks were wet from the tears that ran down it so I took off my orange prison shirt, exposing my entire upper body and wiped her face with it. I figured it would be the littlest things that counted.

“Are we…interrupting anything?”Marcus coughed, throwing his shoulders at Mike.

“Yeah…I’m wondering the same thing.”, Mike replied, looking at him.

I watched as Y/n grabbed my hand and stopped me from wiping her cheeks. Was she embarrassed that I was consoling her?

“Thank you Armando but just stop. I don’t need sympathy, I just need you guys to listen, okay”, she sighed moving across the fireplace. I watched as she sat on the other side alone, so much for me trying to help.

“After I sent them into one of the rooms, I figured that they would be just beaten because I didn’t tell the others, who were allowed to be in the room with me, to kill them. But when I went to check to get information out of them, they were all dead except McGrath. Their heads were cut off and they kept McGrath alive to torture him.”, she continued, leaning her weight towards the back of the log.

“So that’s why he hates you, you chose yourself over love.”, I whispered, looking over at her. I saw as she looked over defeatedly. I wasn’t sure if that was a smart decision or a dumb one. She was young and alone, surrounded by Cartels, but that’s no excuse because if that was me, I would’ve done something to save the person that I love. I guess we're two different people.

“He was so mad at me for my decision that it took me a while to get some information out of him, however, I eventually got it and allowed him to tell the Cartel about Mike’s operation and those who were involved so that they can let him go, which they did.”, she continued, shrugging her shoulders.

I could see that she was slowly starting to accept what had happened, which was good but I couldn’t help thinking about the decision that she made. Was it really worth it? I turned my attention to her stomach after realizing that she mentioned about her being pregnant. She must’ve been watching because she looked down also and touched her stomach.

“Yeah after he was free, and the Cartel started moving around. The word got out fast about how they were going to move and I knew that they were slowly growing suspicious about me so I went to my house off the coast to get my things to try to leave.”

“He was there wasn’t he.”, Marcus said looking at her.

“Yep, he was there and I didn’t know. I was on the phone with Howard to let him know where I was going and to tell my team to get me a new name ready with a fake background. He snuck up on me and shot me in the back twice.”, she replied standing up, while pulling her pants off her hips to reveal the two scars on her lower back.

My heart sank, making me remember the promise that I told her earlier. I for sure was going to make sure that I keep it now.

“Yep, Howard heard it all and everything that McGrath was saying. McGrath took my phone and looked through all of my documents while i layed on the ground crying. I watched him leave at some point and I don’t know what happened after that, all I know is that I woke up in the hospital with heavy security and Howard. He was there the whole time for me while I mourned. Since then, I've been trying to figure out what to do, so that’s why Howard said what he said in the video.”

“And that being about McGrath?”Mike muttered, fidgeting his fingers.

“Majority of it, yes. The rest is just personal, you know, starting a new peaceful life…getting married, having kids.”, she blushed looking at Marcus and then at Mike.

“She should be looking at me, I can give her that.”, I thought while watching her blush. Settling down has crossed my mind before, maybe I can do that with her. If she doesn’t continue to play hard to get. Decisions.

“Thanks for explaining everything to us, y/n. We appreciate that.”, Marcus smiled while nodding his head up and down.

“Yes…thank you and y/n, I’m sorry.”Mike apologized, getting up and walking towards her. You watched as she got up and looked at him while he went up to her. Was she going to accept it? Or maybe make him get on his knees? Hell, I know I would for her.

“It’s okay, pull that shit again and you’re dead…”, she replied, looking at him as he threw his hand out for a handshake. I watched as he laughed and as she stared right into his eyes. She wasn’t kidding.

“I’m not joking, I will.”, she repeated this time, grabbing his hand and shaking it.

I could see Mike's face switch from laughing to serious within a second. I loved how serious of a person she is and the dominant personality follows after that. It made me want to be submissive, just for her and to make the thing between my legs cry.

I watched as she let go of Mike’s hand and started walking away.

“Where are you going?”I asked, standing up alarmingly. She said nothing, until she went and sat in front of a tree then leaned her head against it. I just watched, looking out into the thin air to be sure that no one was around her.

“What?”, she laughed, folding her arms while adjusting herself against the tree. She was tired and we were out in the woods with chilling temperatures so I knew it would be hard for her to get comfortable.

“Armando can we—”, before Mike could finish his sentence I got up and walked over to y/n. I couldn’t help it, I felt drawn towards her. The need to protect her and to make sure she was comfortable and safe.

“What do you want Armando, I’m done talking.”, she sighed, removing her head from against the tree. I could tell that she was sleepy and that she was getting annoyed with the fact that I kept messing with her. Her eyebrows began to droop inward and she was looking up at me with her low eyes while her head was leaned all the way back. Perfect position but the wrong time.

“Don’t act like you’re annoyed with me, baby.”, I flirted squatting down to her level to be eye to eye with her. I watched as she covered her mouth while she smiled and then quickly frowned.

“No seriously, what is it?”

“Here, put this on.”, I demanded, handing her my shirt.

“What about you?”, she asked, pointing to my exposed body. Honestly, I was a little cold but I'd rather her wear it than me.

“I’m going to sleep next to the fire but first I'm going to talk to Mike unless you want me to keep you warm.”, I replied putting my shirt over her head, allowing her to put her arms through the sleeves.

“Goodnight, Armando…”, she smirked, leaning up to kiss me on my forehead and then laying back against the tree. The way she says my name, made me shy and bubbly on the inside.

“Get a fucking room!”Mike yelled, antagonizing y/n and I while Marcus chuckled.

“Shut the hell up Mike!!!”, y/n and I yelled in unison which led to us laughing.

It felt good to hear laughter coming out of everyone’s mouths, especially knowing that in the next couple of hours. We will have to find help and eventually kill McGrath. I playfully slapped y/n on her thigh and walked away. Mike called my name earlier so I knew that he was going to be up a little longer talking. I had been dreading this conversation with him, it’s my first time actually communicating and being around him.

I sat on the opposite side of the lit fire so I could watch y/n sleep. For the rest of the night, Mike, Marcus and I talked about Mike’s and I’s relationship and how we were going to help Howard and y/n. Truth be told, Howard wasn’t my priority anymore. Y/n was. I want her to live a life that she deserves, and I am going to make sure that she does, whether me or McGrath dies in the process.

#armando x reader #jacob scipio #armando armas #bad boys armando #bad boys ride or die #bad boys ride or die armando #bad boys #x reader #Youtube

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crazyk-imagine · 4 months ago

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The Letters of my Demise

Pairing: Regulus Black x Witch!Reader

Characters: Regulus Black, Witch!reader

Warnings: Angst, fluff, character death, secrets, mention of marriage and eloping, reader likes doing non magical things, Regulus like learning new things, Regulus tries for the reader, Regulus is a secret poet, quick sad read, don't know where this came from

Word Count: 846

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You hum as you enter your apartment, closing the door behind you.

You open your mouth to call out for Regulus but remember he's out for the evening and hasn't given you a time frame of when he’d be back either.

The kitchen seems quieter without him here, not that he was the best chef out there but you cheer him on for trying his best.

You smile, knowing that tomorrow you'll be enjoying dinner together again.

The ring on your chest feels hotter, you reach for the chain and carefully pull it out from its hiding spot. The gem shining under the moonlight.

You smile as it reminds you of how he wanted to elope (shocking you when he said it).

“I don’t want to share you with anyone, is that so bad?” He brushes a piece of hair behind your ear.

You shake your head, unable to hide your smile. “I never said that but, darling,” you sigh.

“There has to be at least a few people you’d want to invite even if we did a small ceremony.”

He shakes his head, “you are the only person I need.”

“Lus,” you huff.

“Tell me, what can I say to convince you into agreeing?”

You roll your eyes, “you’re not supposed to try and convince me of anything.”

You grab his hand, “but I don’t want you to regret this if we decide to elope.”

His grip tightens ever so slightly, his other arm wrapping around your waist. “I could never regret you, you are- you are my beating heart. I don’t see myself regretting marrying you, the only thing I do see is,” he leans in closer, whispering into your ear. “Not marrying you now would tear my soul apart. I want you to be mine, share a name with you and not just my body.”

Your jaw drops, feeling as if you can’t breathe. “Lus, do you even know what you’re saying?”

He nods and pulls away, raising your hand as if he’s sealing a deal with you.

Your eyes drift to the sparkling gem that wasn’t on your finger before.

“What do you say?”

“I wanted to run."

Your fingers grip the paper, crinkling the edges of the page.

"I wanted so badly to run away and never look back but... if you’re reading this. I am gone. I’m sorry my beating heart, I’m sorry for not fulfilling our promise. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me. This is not how I wanted to live my life, you have to understand that."

You suck in a painful breath, your heart tightens as if it’s being crushed.

You can’t breathe the air- the one good thing you had in your life during this horrid war, gone.

“I- I didn’t tell you the truth of what I’ve been working on because I didn’t want you to be in danger, more than you already are.”

The rest of the page is torn, you couldn’t care less.

You crumple the letter in your hand, unable to endure the pain in your chest.

You close your eyes and reach for your necklace, fiddling with the ring, holding onto some hope that you'd be able to bring him back.

You can’t- you don't know how to be alone. You haven't been alone since you were a child.

How are you to cope?

How are you going to be able to take care of the house?

What of his family elf?

All these questions fly around your mind, causing you to lose control.

You don’t know how to live without him, when you got upset or hurt he was always, always by your side but now… this time, he is the cause of your pain.

You cover your mouth, wanting to hold yourself together and not lose yourself as you wallow and begin grieving him but… what are you to do when the man you’ve loved for so long, wrote you a letter only for it to be torn and full of the- the things he hid to protect you.

You toss the letter aside and cover your face; it’s as if you can’t breathe.

The air from your lungs has been taken and you can’t get focus.

The warmth of the ring on your chest fills you with a bittersweet feeling; Regulus always meant it when he said you were his beating heart, close to where your ring lies is your broken heart as he’s with you now.

You remove the necklace from you and gently kiss it.

He watches you, the way you grieve him and try to live your life with- without him.

He couldn’t bear to leave you alone even when he knew he should have, call him selfish but there wasn’t any way he could leave you truly alone.

Even if you couldn’t see him, it brought him some comfort knowing you hoped he was still around, watching over you.

#harry potter #harry potter fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #crazyk-imagine #regulus black #regulus black imagine #regulus black imagines #regulus black fanfic #regulus black fanfiction #regulus black x you #regulus black x reader #regulus black x female reader #regulus black x female!reade #regulus black x witch reader #regulus black x witch!reader

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captainsophiestark · 4 months ago

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Husband, Not Handyman

Colin Bridgerton x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2024!

Fandom: Bridgerton

Day Sixteen Prompt: "No, I'm not okay."

Summary: Colin's feeling insecure about how self-sufficient his spouse is, so they set him straight.

Word Count: 1,223

Category: Angst, Fluff

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I grinned and put my hands on my hips, hammer still held loosely in one, as I admired my handiwork. In a matter of hours, I'd fixed our lopsided bookshelf, realigned and remedied our sticky door, and nailed down a loose floorboard that liked to trip me at least once a day. Not bad at all for a day's work.

My husband, Colin, had been helping his brothers with some business or other all day. So, with our house to myself, I'd gotten to work on a few of the projects we'd been meaning to deal with. For me, the accomplishment and satisfaction that came from fixing something with my own two hands was almost unbeatable.

I smiled and sighed, then started to put my tools away when the door came swinging open.

I turned to find Colin standing there, a tool kit of his own in-hand. He looked incredibly surprised to see me standing in the middle of our sitting room with a hammer.

"...You fixed the bookshelf. And the floorboard."

"And the door," I said happily. "I had quite a bit of time today, so I figured I may as well just take care of it all. I have to admit, I actually enjoy being handy."

"Oh. That's... wonderful."

Colin sounded almost robotic, the words coming to him anything but naturally. His motions were jerky as he turned around, taking his toolbox and heading back towards the door. I frowned.

"Colin?"

He just gave me a very noncommital noise as an acknowledgement, and continued out the door. I set down my hammer and quickly followed after him.

"Colin!" I caught his arm in the hallway, and when I turned him to face me, he had a pained look on his face. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay." I took a step closer as Colin huffed a breath. We hadn't been married very long, and I'd never seen him acting like this before. I wasn't totally sure how to handle it. "It's just... I feel a bit... useless."

"...What?"

"Oh please! You don't need me. You don't need me to fix things, you don't need me to navigate when we go into town, you don't even need my help building a fire! I just... I don't understand what I'm supposed to do, why you chose to marry me, if you don't need me at all."

Colin stared at me once the confession was off his chest, looking frustrated and devastated. I just stared back at him in shock for a few moments, trying to let his words sink in. Finally, I shook my head and held up my hands to rest on his arms and chest.

"Darling... are you serious? I'm from one of the wealthiest families in the Ton. If I needed a man to fix things around my house, I would've called one! Not married one! Please, tell me you're joking."

"I'm not joking!" Colin huffed, taking a step back and brushing me off. I frowned. "If you don't need me, why am I here? It's supposed to be my job as your husband to take care of you, to provide for you. What am I for if I can't do that? If you're better at it than I am?"

I took a long, deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. I let it out slowly, then finally met Colin's eyes again. He looked as upset as ever, but I was determined to knock some common sense into his head, whether or not he wanted it.

"Colin. I did not marry you—nor would I ever marry anyone—because I needed you to take care of me. It's true that, if I never married, I'm in the fortunate position where I almost certainly would've been fine, both financially and in terms of fixing things around my house. The reason I am married, Colin, and in fact the whole point of the thing, is because I love you. You, the man who makes me laugh and who shares my love of travel and who I know I can trust with any secret, situation, or request. Not what you can do for me."

Colin shifted, his expression moving from firmly negative to a bit more neutral. But he still looked somewhat uncertain.

"Listen to me very carefully, Colin Bridgerton," I said, stepping forward and gently taking Colin's free hand. He let me, although he still watched me a little warily. "I married you because I love you. I love you because of who you are. Who you are makes me happy. That's it. Life is better and much more enjoyable when you have someone to share it with, and as far as I'm concerned, you're my perfect person to share it with. And with all of that said, if I ever do need somebody, I know you'll be there to have my back. Just like I'll be there to have yours. Okay?"

Colin bit his lip and frowned, but he stepped closer to me. He set the toolbox down on the nearest hall table, then took my other hand in his, too.

"Are you... sure? You're not going to wish for something different? Or someone different? I just feel a bit more... replacable. Since you don't need me."

"My god, no." I stepped forward, bringing my hands up to cup Colin's face. He tentatively wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me ever so slightly closer to him. I smiled. "I know you might not hear as much from your friends or whoever else, but believe me, you should be more secure in our relationship because it was out of choice, not necessity. I turned down quite a few suitors in the Ton because I didn't want to be with them, and I promise you, they were all perfectly capable of fixing floorboards and doors. But I didn't like any of them nearly enough to want to commit to spending the rest of my life with them if I didn't have to. And since I didn't have to, you, Colin, are the only person I've ever met who's passed the test. By miles."

Finally, a smile broke out on Colin's face. His arms tightened around me, holding me close to his chest, and I let my hands wander to his shoulders and the nape of his neck.

"You know, that makes me feel much better to hear."

"I should hope so!"

"I'm sorry I didn't realize. And I hope you know this already, but I would choose you every time, too. Over everyone else. You're... you're my best friend. And the best person I've ever met in my life. I love you."

I smiled, then leaned in to close the distance between my husband and I, pulling him in for a long, sweet kiss. His mouth chased after mine when I pulled away, and I put a hand on his chest with a laugh.

"I love you too, Colin. The most."

He grinned, all our earlier troubles forgotten as he kissed me again. I smiled into it, letting Colin sweep me away in the moment. Even though we'd had a few bumps in our early courtship and marriage, I really did love him with my entire heart. Hopefully this would be our last bump for a while, but even if it wasn't, I knew we'd get through that together just like we had everything else.

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Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

Bridgerton Taglist: @cherrybb-ily

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silverhalla · 2 months ago

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Seleny Merlot, 8:92 Blessed

Teia had looked far too pleased when she asked him to dinner. That should have been the first clue.

Viago didn’t trust restaurants. In all honesty, he detested them. He could only test for so many poisons at once, and had only developed his immunity to a few dozen. A restaurant was danger. It was his life, in the hands of an unknown chef, in the hands of many unknown persons with many untold reasons to perhaps want him dead. As a rule, he avoided them, but Teia was... insistent. She owned the little bistro, though, and had personally vetted anyone with access to his food for the evening. It was a touching gesture, truly, to make him feel more comfortable in a place he felt deeply, uniquely exposed.

It should have been his second clue.

(also on [ao3]!!)

The establishment was irritatingly nice. Candles flickered on every table, although theirs was the only one taken. If he’d been on edge before, his concern was certainly peaking now.

"You're planning something," he groused after the waiter walked away, pulling out Teia's chair for her. She sat delicately, looking up at him through her lashes as he sat down across the table.

"I am not," she insisted, sounding far too smug.

Viago sighed. "It's bad, isn't it?"

"Oh, hush. Drink some wine." She reached for the menu, smiling at him in a way that reminded him far too much of a satisfied cat. "Try to enjoy yourself for once."

"I'm enjoying myself," he huffed, not enjoying himself at all. "Hand me the wine list."

“Of course,” she said, taking a quick glance at it before passing it over. "Seleny Merlot, 8:92 Blessed. Isn’t that Rook’s favorite?”

Viago squinted at her, unamused. “Why do you know that?”

“Oh, it just came to mind.” She waved a hand dismissively, returning to her study of the menu. “It came up recently in conversation.”

That was news. “You saw Rook?”

“No,” Teia purred, batting her dark, pretty eyes at him. “I saw Lucanis.”

Viago’s voice went deadly serious. “Andarateia.”

“He was thinking of buying a bottle or two,” she hinted, “or so I heard.” She leaned forward, barely hiding a smirk, and he could feel a vein at his temple begin to throb.

"Why is a Dellamorte..." - he hissed the name through his teeth - "...buying expensive wine for my protege?"

Teia fluttered a hand, looking nonchalant. “Oh, I’m sure there was a reason. Perhaps her nameday?”

“Half a year ago,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “You planned her trip to the coast.”

“Did I? I must have forgotten.” Teia bridged her fingers and rested her chin upon them, blinking up at the man innocently. “Well, friends buy friends gifts. Like the dagger she got for him, or so the vendor mentioned.”

It was a trap, he knew, and he walked into it anyways. “When?”

“A few months, give or take.”

That was a horrifying concept – how long he’d gone without spotting it. "Months!?"

“Oh, don’t be so glum,” Teia teased, “I’m sure it's nothing. She would’ve said something. To one of us, at least.”

There was a beat, where Teia smiled serenely and his fury simmered.

"Did she say something to you?" he asked tersely, already regretting the question.

"Nothing comes to mind." She pretended to think about it carefully, her brow furrowed. "I suppose she hasn't had much time lately. The last time I saw her was..."

"When you were planning Caterina's funeral," Viago finished, wheels turning in his head. "...and he brought her with him."

"For moral support, wasn't it? He needed her close by, just in case." She paused, tilting her chin thoughtfully. "Now that I think about it, there was a comment..."

"Teia...," he groaned, his eyes pleading.

She waved a hand dismissively. "I had complimented her. And insulted you in the process, of course."

"Of course," he said, sarcastic as ever.

"And Lucanis got a little..." Teia paused, considering her words carefully. "...defensive."

Vi's eyes narrowed. "How so?"

"He told me not to flirt with her." That, at least, seemed like a decent idea.

"For once, something he and I agree on," he said, casting her a scathing look.

She ignored him, continuing. "And he looked absolutely pitiful about it," Teia added, "...and he called her his colleague."

There was another shoe that had to drop, surely, but he had to know. “Is that it?”

"Oh, but he almost didn't. 'Teia, don't flirt with my... colleague'!" she mimicked, affecting his slightly posher accent, "Like that."

"Like he wanted to call her something else." Viago frowned, brooding. "Did she seem surprised?"

Teia's grin only grew. "She blushed. To the tips of her ears."

Viago cursed, leaning back in his chair. It was a bigger problem than he'd thought. If Lucanis was smitten, he'd kill him. If Rook was smitten, he could give her a strong talking-to and make thinly-veiled threats. Of course the fool had to fall for a Dellamorte, of all people. It was irritating how easily she shaped up plans to ruin her own life. If it were a one-sided crush, yes, he could deal with that. Find a way to dissuade her, or to threaten him. But if that interest was mutual... Mierda.

“Maybe we’re reading too much into it,” he said hopelessly, desperate for another explanation. "Plenty of Crows send out gifts for well-struck contracts. Maybe a gift for a job well done?"

“Perhaps,” Teia conceded, going back to perusing the drink menu. Her eyes kept flickering back up to him, though, a mischievous look on her face, which he ignored for as long as he could manage.

Finally, after a minute of terse silence and furtive looks, he sighed. “What?”

“Nothing! I’m just thinking about that wine,” Teia hinted, “It must be good.”

He considered deeply whether he’d done something stupid recently. Stupid enough, at least, that she’d poison him for it. It wouldn’t be anything he hadn’t built up a tolerance for, but it would certainly make for an unpleasant evening.

The waiter, seeming to sense his acquiescence, materialized at the table. “Signora?”

“A glass of Antivan White,” Teia said sweetly, flashing the boy a dazzling smile that had him stammering as he turned to take the other assassin's order.

“And… and for you?”

“I’ll try the 8:92,” Viago sighed, annoyed that he had to take the bait, “…a glass, but only if you have a fresh bottle. We’ll uncork it here.” The odds of getting poisoned at one of the Cantori’s restaurants were low, but never zero. He untucked the tester kit from his sleeve regardless.

“Of course, signore. If you enjoy the vintage - well, it should be much easier to come by in these next few months.”

“Is that so?” Teia chimed, flashing the boy one of her dazzling smiles, one she'd used on Viago on plenty of occasions. It politely demanded conversation.

“Yes. The winery is under new ownership, you see. And under strict orders for restaurants to keep a reserve.” He returned the Seventh Talon’s smile, every bit as starstruck and moony-eyed as would’ve been expected, faced with Teia’s interest. The comment did not go unnoticed.

Viago recovered as best as he could, already on edge. “What do you mean?”

The boy launched into a long demonstration that he didn’t comment on simply because he was fuming, and feeling utterly foolish, and because language seemed to escape him. The Dellamortes hadn’t just bought the wine, the sommelier had explained cheerfully. They’d bought the whole vineyard.

Teia smirked, and Viago nursed a headache that began forming almost immediately. Somewhere, he was sure, he had a poison that could end this misery.

“On second thought,” he grumbled, “…I will take the whole bottle.”

#da posting #my writing #I need to write these two more I LOVE their banter and I love when they're fighting lmaoooooo #I just very sincerely feel like teia would absolutely be like >:3 about rookanis and vi would be DISGUSTED #(he gets over it later but for now DISGUSTED)#viago de riva #teia cantori #lucanis dellamorte #crow rook #datv #dragon age: the veilguard #anyways rich boy lucanis lives rent free in my mind #YES he knows how much a banana costs but I do think he should be like 'what? [expensive grand gesture] is not a big deal' because it's FUNN #also I made up this entire vintage and if it's like an insanely old bottle or not in any way a vintage just.......... don't worry about it!#I am not doing wine math for the bit!!!!

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ppushable · 2 months ago

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276 times i died for you

jean kirschtein x fem!reader / oneshot / wc: 9.0k

⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆

Love. Of course I love him.

(YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH HIM.)

I'm infatuated.

In which my dreams come true. (IN WHICH YOU LIVE IN A FANTASY.) In which I kill myself this many times over. For *him*.

This time around, it will all work out.

IT WILL ALL WORK OUT!

⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆

ao3 tags:

this has been sitting in my drafts for months because it's edgy but what the hell sure / Reincarnation / Angst / Unrequited Love / Implied/Referenced Abuse / reader is kind of a loser / no y/n / Hurt No Comfort / Reader-Insert / POV First Person / Present Tense / Inner Dialogue / Self-Hatred / Implied/Referenced Suicide / But its chill / Reader Is Crazy / reader is obsessed / you freak / Bad Ending / Cross-Posted on Wattpad / Cross-Posted on Tumblr

hi!

i'm not really sure what culminated in this? maybe i woke up a touch more delusional than usual.

reader has her flaws but don't we all. (killing-yourself-275-times-for-a-fictional-man kind of flaws. also she's a total loser. but i think a lot of you guys can relate.)

you reincarnate, you fail, rinse and repeat. the sections are pretty short. that's pretty much all of it.

also up on ao3 and wattpad

enjoy, as always <3

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prologue

The clicking of the keyboard. The rhythm of my fingers against the caps, words a constant steady stream from my mind to the glowing document. It comes so easy to me, recording the thoughts and desires that have been running through my mind for so long they’ve eroded a deep cavern through my consciousness. Fancies and yearnings that have since become a fundamental part of me, threaded into the fabric of my being. Same fandom, same character, same love.

“And then I just… understood. How it’s the little moments you hold on to the most.” And then he grins.

“Maybe,” I murmur, swiping my thumbs over his palms, “it’s the other way around.”

He blinks. “Yeah.”

Losing my train of thought, I lean back dangerously in my chair. It’s one of the swivel ones that can go way back, but I’ve fallen over before. I lean back as reality comes rushing in, flushing away the comforting warm waters of fantasy.

Rent’s due next week. Fuck, I have to work today. Did I make a lunch? Well, whatever. Maybe I should call in, haha. When’s the last time I cleaned the floor? Laundry? Should I fix the AC or just buy another one? Need to call the mechanic about that weird noise in the car. And renew my license before it’s too late. I need to wash dishes before I leave. I need to keep track of my income. I need to start thinking about my retirement. I need to I need to I need to—

The computer screen whisks out of view as my stomach lurches from its safe spot — I’m falling, fuck! My body prepares for a landing

that never comes.

Nothing comes.

I can’t hear the buzzes and sighs of background noise I didn’t even register until they’re gone.

I can’t see, I can’t open the eyelids that are supposed to be there, can’t search for the light.

I can’t feel. The breeze against my skin, the tickling of my hair on my face, the weight of a human body.

I can’t breathe, but I have no desire for air, nor pain from the lack of it.

Everything is… still. Paused, stale, bated. Nothing.

Am I dead? I’m dead, aren’t I?

Never would I have expected this. All the jokes and profound thoughts lying in bed, thinking about what lies beyond without fear. Well, I’m fucking fearful now. Everything is over, nobody will know who I am, I’ll never amount to the person my younger self would have imagined (but who am I kidding, I never would have), the shift manager will curse my name when I don’t come in, my computer is still running, the state they will find my body in is nothing short of deplorable. I’ve squandered my chance.

Did I… do what I wanted in life?

Did I? Did I?

No, I never did what I wanted. I only ever did what made me comfortable.

And the realization eats away at me, turns me into a yawning cavern mouth that leads to naught.

I just wasted myself.

OH WELL.

It is what it is, right?

IT IS WHAT IT IS.

At least I was happy when I was writing.

AT LEAST.

I could’ve had it a lot worse.

YOU COULD’VE.

I could…

YEAH?

That voice wasn’t always there. That echo of my internal monologue. Unbearably loud yet inaudible. Identical in nature, so seamlessly me that I haven’t been noticing that it’s not.

I’m not alone.

YOU’RE NOT.

And it’s this that makes me feel as if I should be afraid, if I had the body and capacity to do so.

IT’S HARD TO BE SCARED WHEN YOU’VE NOTHING LEFT TO PROTECT.

What is this, some kind of joke? Am I already going crazy?

NO.

I don’t know where I end and when… that begins.

IT DOESN’T MATTER.

Oh my god.

And then it’s quiet.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE TRULY HAPPY?

Was I? What kind of question is that?

YOU WERE, WEREN’T YOU, WHEN YOU WERE WRITING THOSE STORIES.

I… was happy. Happiness isn’t a constant state of being, it’s— it comes in little moments. I was happy enough.

DO YOU WANT A CHANCE?

… What?

DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A FANTASY?

⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆

1st reincarnation - modern au

I nearly fall over when I’m slapped in to this body, and I nearly collapse again when something bumps into me. But my fall is broken by something soft and hard and solid.

“Woah… there.”

Neon lights, stale and heavy air. Out of reflex I suck in a huge breath. Puke and alcohol and bad breath and sweat and body odour. Silhouetted bodies writhing before me, all around me, in tune to the gaudy noises blaring from all corners of the area that’s supposed to be music.

I’m at a club. I’m alive and in a club.

“You okay?”

And that voice…

I spin on my heel, nearly tripping — since when was having a body so difficult? — and he’s there.

Jean. Jean Kirschtein.

The man I’ve been fantasizing about since the sixth grade, the man I’ve broken keyboards writing for, the man I’ve loved over a thousand lifetimes. It’s him.

I know things about you that you don’t even know about yourself. I’ve fucked you. I’ve killed you. I’ve had your children. I’ve seen you at your very worst and cheered for you at your best. I’ve held you as you breathed your last breath, my name on your tongue, and you’ve done the same for me.

And now you’re here, in this club, with me… drunk out of your fucking mind.

Real. Real. Your eyes, unfocussed, the strands of your hair against the light, your posture. Just as I’ve described, hundreds of times over, except no words can truly begin to explain the entity that is you.

“Why are you staring? Like what you see?”

And that voice.

LET’S DANCE.

I push my palm flat against his broad chest, I’m fucking touching him, and bring the rest of my body closer. And dance.

I was never much of a dancer. I’m still not. But if I let it all get to me, the music, the vibration of the ground of others’ feet, the feeling of Jean against me… I don’t have to worry at all. My body moves without discretion, and the music and noise envelopes me completely.

I notice too late that he’s gone. So I stop. And it doesn’t take long to find his tall frame poking out of the crowd in another part of the club.

He’s bathed in a red light, dazed, but not drunk-dazed. In-love-dazed. And I would know, because I’ve imagined and written that expression so many times before.

Only it was always directed at me, the reader, and not the girl he’s looking at right now. The girl who dances without care, the girl who is more beautiful, stronger, the girl I could never hope to be.

No. This isn’t happening.

Blood in my mouth — I’ve been biting the inside of my cheek. There’s nothing left inside except a sinkhole, one that yawns impossibly wider with every second and threatens to take me over entirely. Breath comes shaky. That’s supposed to be me. That’s supposed to be me! Right?

Right?

She twirls with this unearthly kind of grace and Jean takes her hand midway, leading her through the action, and end off in a close embrace. And it’s like it’s scripted.

They lean in closely for a delicate kiss.

A friend — Connie — approaches.

They break it off nervously.

End script.

I mean, who am I kidding? Of course he would go for her. She’s perfect, and I’m just… the warmup. Someone jostles into me from behind and now there’s nobody to catch me; I land hard on the linoleum, arms numbly blocking my fall. Fuck. Fuck. My hands curl into little fists, collecting grime. What the hell am I doing here? Who the hell do I think I am?

Eager, blissfully unaware feet land on my dress. I need to go. I can’t stay here.

But when I try to stand a sudden swell of bodies comes rushing in and knocks me back down. Well, fuck you then, just let me die here.

A high-pitched, obnoxious laugh reaches my ears. With another quick look-around I heave myself up. Damned if I die here. Before anyone else has the chance to move me I haul myself to the wall and stick to it.

The two of them and Connie are gone now.

I just… my only chance.

Look at me, playing the heartbroken maiden.

Bathrooms… I shuffle along the wall until I find it and slip inside.

Contrary to everything else, it’s brightly lit in blue. The sinks are decently clean and the stalls, for the most part, appear empty. It sounds empty, anyways. The music here is muffled and echoey; even the smallest movement seems to be exemplified by the tiled walls.

I enter the closest one and lock the door, sitting on the seat even though a thousand people’s asses have touched it. Whatever.

When I saw you here before…

What am I doing here.

Couldn’t look you in the eye…

Who the hell plays this song at a club?

You looked like—

The door bangs open; feet barge in. A feminine gag, a stall door smacking against the wall. More gags, vomit slapping the toilet water, an acrid stench.

“You’re okay! You got this…”

That’s a guy’s voice. How sweet, he came to the bathroom to help her out. Maybe I should pop out of here and yell at him. Haha.

Gently, so as not to make noise, I press my palm flat against the door.

They’re probably taking a cab or something. Leaning against each other in the backseat while Connie gabbles on about whatever to the driver. I smile for about a second before I have to clamp my lips between my teeth again.

I’m not their friend. I’m an imposter. (Among us!) I’m the one that fantasizes in the dark of their companionship. Writing all the time. I’m… well, frankly, I’m a creep.

And I’m a weirdo…

Holy fuck.

YOU GIVING UP?

No.

AND HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE YOU FIND THEM?

Go away. How did this happen?

YOU’RE THINKING IN LOOPS.

It’s not a big deal.

RIGHT.

Shut up. It’s not a big deal, I can just come back here. Maybe it’s a slowburn.

OR MAYBE SHE’S ENDGAME.

DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE LOOKED AT HER?

JUST LIKE HE’S SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT YOU.

IF YOU THINK THAT’S PLATONIC YOU’RE KIDDING YOURSELF.

Let me think. Just let me—

The stall door suddenly jolts as if hit from the outside; my hand comes flying off.

What—

“OPEN IT.”

What?

“OPEN IT.”

The voice in my head. That’s the voice in my head, someone’s talking with it—

“OPEN. IT.”

I stare at the latch.

“YES, THERE, RIGHT THERE.”

Fuck. Fuck, this is the moment Jean swoops in and saves me—

“OPEN THE DOOR. NOBODY IS HERE TO SAVE YOU.”

The puking couple—

“I WON’T ASK AGAIN.”

I try to swallow. Open. I raise my hand — when did my fingers start trembling? — and unlatch the door.

Cli-cli-click.

It swings open to… a brunette with puke dribbling down her chin.

…!!?

Oh my fucking god.

What the hell is this?

??!

“STAND UP.”

I do, leaning heavily against the wall.

“COME.”

We walk to the sink. She pulls something out of her purse. A needle.

My voice is but a tremble. “What?”

“IF YOU WANT ANOTHER CHANCE, YOU HAVE TO DIE.” She mimics inserting the needle into her arm. “THIS IS ONE WAY.“

“I can’t do that. I don’t do that.”

She turns fully to meet my eye but I drop my gaze. “IF YOU INSIST.”

“Wait, no—”

On the marbled counter is a pocket knife.

What if I don’t want to die?

“WOULD YOU RATHER LIVE LIKE THIS? IN THE SHADOWS, WATCHING ANOTHER LIVE YOUR DIRTY LITTLE FANTASY?”

THINK ABOUT IT. HAVE YOU TRULY DONE ANYTHING WITH YOUR LIFE EXCEPT PRETEND?

Stop.

“TAKE THE BLADE.”

When I look into the mirror, she’s not there.

Death by blood loss.

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92nd reincarnation - canon

Breathe. Breathing in. The human scent.

Temptress is the smell, reeking over the wall, always unreachable.

But now… wall is now open now… and the smell… the smell. The presence of man.

Cannot control myself

cannot.

GOD, YOU’RE A REAL BEAST.

Others push and shove. Claustrophobic between… buildings. Buildings crumbling on my shoulders.

The humans try. They buzz around like birds. But more of them are crushed into red pulp under my feet. More of them scooped up and put into my mouth. More, more, more. Warm and writhing and in my mouth, crack open.

It’s right. It’s the right thing. I do it again and again. The only right thing.

Another bird-human, buzzing up to my face. Too slow, I cannot grab it. Too fast, it soars closer.

Prick! Eye! It pricked my eye! But I close it, and it’s stuck. The prick is stuck in my eye.

I take it and put it in my mouth. Crack open.

More bird-humans now. Fast bird-humans. Screeching. Pricking.

DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST EAT HIM? I HOPE YOU CHEWED.

Too fast. Too fast!

“Bastard! You’ll pay!”

Bird-human… who…

“You’ll fucking pay!”

Bird… Jean? Human? On my back. Crack. Bird—

Jean?

Chest feels prick but no bird-humans are in it. Mouth doesn’t crack. Mouth makes noise. Mouth says…

“…Jean.”

Prick!

“I’m sorry.”

Death by spinal cord injury.

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165th reincarnation - canon

Nobody told me the steam would make noise.

It doesn’t come in puffs, but continuous streams, each with the force of a newly-awakened geyser, raw with festering rage.

His voice is nearly inaudible over the hiss that just about renders me deaf, just a strained whisper.

“Here! Over here!”

Out of complete reflex I bring my hands to point at the behemoth bone structure that is Eren and shoot. I don’t hear the ODM but feel its mechanic workings against my lower back, the painful tightening of the straps against my skin, the pressure in my head and gut as I’m jerked forward. The horror and chaos of the world shooting past.

I’m coming…

Someone screams again and I’m yanked forward, limbs and neck snapping back uselessly, painfully, the back of my head hitting my spine. Pulled like a yo-yo. Straps digging into skin. Everything turns into a whirl of heat and steam and sky and blackness. Everything mixing together as my brain and eyes, most trusted, can’t comprehend what’s going on around me. Can’t tell up from down. The breaths I try to take in are sucked out before I get a chance to replenish my increasingly burning lungs. It’s too tight. It’s too fast. I can’t— I can’t move.

The cord… a bone titan grabbed my cord…

Fuck,

fuck,

I’m getting closer,

it hurts,

I’m getting closer!

Fuck!

!!???!!!

The impact, as much as I might try, I can’t brace for the impact. With a crack! I hit the bone chest-first, and in that little moment before the pain inevitably comes I know it’s all… punched in and wrong inside and bad bad bad.

The titan doesn’t stop dragging when everything blooms into fresh agony, it hurts, it hurts, it’s all wrong inside it hurts it’s wrong I’m hurting someone please help me please fuck I’m hurt someone get me help help help

And then it all… goes still. And the pain comes back in a fresh new wave. Breaths come now, ragged and holey and painful, I don’t want to look at myself, my grimed hands scratching at the bone I’ve landed on, searching for purchase so I don’t fall off. Which, frankly, would be a better fate. I’ll let go and start again. Yeah. Yeah…

It hurts. If I could scream, I would.

“Hey!”

Fuck, not now. I swear my nails are splitting. Is my chest… wet? Not now…

But he appears anyways, despite it all, always despite it all, in the familiar garb of canon and that brushed-aside hair that’s screwed over to hell and back, eyes wild and pupils dilated, mouth wired in an unreal smile. Painful to look at. Falling to his knees at my side.

“Hey, look at me, okay? You’re gonna be okay, alright? Alright? Hey!”

The way he speaks, so desperately. The way he looks around for help. The way he sees none, because how could there be any, so he focusses back on me.

Helpless.

Absolutely helpless.

“Hey…”

There’s a different peal to his voice now.

“Look at me, would you?”

But I am…

“H— hey. Come on. You— you’re strong, huh?”

Oh, Jean.

My breaths come a lot shallower than before and my muscles burn with the effort. Jean notices, it seems, from the way he cranes in close, blotting out the steam-scattered light. “Don’t…”

What happened to the proud, selfish boy who was hellbent on joining the MPs? The one who laughed at others’ misfortunes and bragged about his feats, the one who started more fights than he could finish. The man in front of me now is crestfallen; everything is falling apart, and here he is trying to comfort even a small part of it. Holding back a tsunami with his trembling, bloody hands.

Thanks, Isayama…

When I try to inhale deeper, I only inhale faster. Nevertheless I open my mouth like I have so many times before, croak out the words because it’s natural.

“I love you.”

And for a moment, just a fleeting moment, he’s confused.

Confused. Not relieved, or heartbroken. Completely, utterly, childishly confused. He smiles, though his expression is just about splitting in half.

And that’s how I know.

“I— I love you too.”

LIAR.

Death by internal bleeding, blood loss.

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274th reincarnation - past

June 16, 1921 2:04 PM

“Can you believe it’s been three years since the war ended?”

I look over at Sasha from under my veil. “I really can’t.”

“And now you’re getting married.” She giggles like a schoolgirl behind the basket of flowers in her gloved hands. “Oh! The music’s starting!”

The knells of the organ behind the curtains in front of us rip through me like a wave. It’s happening. It’s finally happening.

I’m getting married to Jean Kirschtein.

It was a rough ride. Getting with the times, learning how to housewife, staying up late reading and re-reading the odd letters sent home from my… friends. Yes, they are truly my friends.

I’ve been living here for over seven years.

I haven’t heard that… voice in over seven years.

I’ve been alive for over seven years.

Perhaps the toughest part was the war. Watching Jean and Connie and Eren and Armin and everyone else disappear, never knowing if they would come back.

Most did. The expected ones.

At least Sasha is still alive.

But we still have to get through the depression, not to mention the second war. Provided this is… a strictly historical account.

But enough of that.

Erwin offers his remaining arm to me and I take it. Another technicality.

Without restrain, I grin.

Today will be the best day of my life.

July 30, 1921 7:43 PM

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

My breaths come in small, doglike pants as he towers over me, silhouetted by the socket light behind him, still swinging from when he clipped it with his fist.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, okay?” He’s trying to be quiet, trying to suppress the screams he had let but a few seconds ago. “I just— you know how I get angry, right?”

Breathing but never getting any air.

“Fuck, would you look at me?!”

July 31, 1921 10:08 AM

“Don’t mean to pry, but you look like hell. What’s gotten into you?”

I look up from the tea I’ve been stirring for the last… I don’t know. Children scream in the background and the sun beats relentlessly on the concrete around us. “Just a little tired is all, Connie. I haven’t had a great sleep lately.” Not a complete lie.

He smacks his lips. “You were doing that research stuff again, huh?”

“Research stuff?” Sasha pipes, looking up from her eggs.

“Yeah, this little cheese—” he points at me with his spoon— “is hellbent on buying a whole farm. Isn’t that something?”

One of many, Connie.

“Can’t say I blame her.” Putting another scoop of eggs into her mouth, Sasha raises her eyebrows haughtily. “Your own unlimited supply of food? Fancy that.”

“Of course you would agree with her,” Connie mutters.

“Nothing wrong with having a little— a little cush to fall back on,” I smile.

“Don’t be a bunny. Nowadays, we’re all rich men.”

“And women!”

For now. Provided this is a strictly historical account, it won’t be long until the economy’s going to crumple in on itself. I’m just making preparations, because I’ll be damned if any of you die during the depression.

I just don’t know what to do about the second world war. The tea leaves swirl with my spoon. And Jean…

“By the way, where’s your other half?” The buzzed man blurts, jolting me from my unborn stupor. “Don’t suppose you came out here all the way on your own?”

“I took a cab— a boiler with Reiner.” I smile again, heart fluttering. “Jean’s out with his father today.” Again.

“Father, eh,” he muses. “Never heard much of the guy. What’s he like?”

Connie’s eyes are imploring and innocent— well, as innocent as they can be for a war veteran.

Jean’s father. There’s a reason he wasn’t around in the canon.

“Oh, I don’t know,” I say breezily. “Only what little I hear from Jean. You know. Men.” The last statement is mostly directed at Sasha but she’s looking at Connie. He doesn’t respond right away.

“Well.” He puts his hands on the table. “This ol’ grifter could stretch his legs. What’dya say we take a little walk by the water?”

June 16, 1924 3:06 PM

Armin had bought me a carry-on bag for my birthday. It’s heavy and leather, perfect for carrying paperwork. Something that belongs in an antique shop. It’s funny. Even after ten years of living in the past, I still find it hard to call it my present.

Also, it’s our third anniversary. That is, of Jean and my wedding. Three years… together. I purse my lips and focus on the road.

Prep, prep, prep. That’s been my entire life these past few years. Of course, given the day and age, it hasn’t been easy. But it’s possible, and that’s what matters. What’s become of my hard work? I run my thumb along the waxed leather of my bag. Gardens, seeds, non-perishables, connections with experienced farmers… Really, everything I think I need for self-sufficiency. But who even knows. If it all ends up going south…

Truthfully, I don’t know if I’m doing the right things. I know that in five years everything goes down, but that’s about as far as my history knowledge takes me. I’ll just have to keep as much real money on me as possible and prepare for the worst. Just enough for my friends to get by. They think I’m crazy sometimes, but they’ll understand.

All that aside, I somehow got myself into real estate. Do I know what I’m doing? No. But I’m making bank.

God, I really miss Google.

But hey, I’m making it big! Even if it’s technically cheating, I learned and studied and did everything on my own. It’s a little surreal, sometimes. I would never have made it this far in real life.

Real… life. What was I doing all that time?

This world has turned me into a completely new person. I’m— I could be really happy. Except for the promise of impending doom. That, and the man I live with.

It’s our third anniversary. So why, whenever I remind myself, do cold drops of dread form in my organs?

What a stupid question.

I turn into the familiar driveway. Our driveway. Of our house. That we bought with my money. That’s the only reason he keeps letting me do as I please.

Killing the engine, I step out of the car. I hardly expect Jean to do anything for our anniversary, or even remember. I… I don’t know where it all went wrong. The war? The times? The lack of his mother and presence of his father?

Me?

I don’t know.

In any case, I bought this tin can for us. For our special day. The flowers by the path leading up to the door are big and strong, full from the rains of spring and soaked in the sunlight of early summer. Beautiful little things.

I raise the key to the keyhole and pause.

Maybe a note would do. A little memo stuck to the drivers’ seat. I don’t even have to go inside. There’s a million other places I could go for a million different reasons. I could avoid him altogether.

But it’s our anniversary and I might as well… be present. Right?

I grip the bag strap. Right. Right. It’s the right thing to do, given my… history.

Jean Kirschtein. I know him. It’s fine. Fuck it.

I slip the key in and swing open the door.

The bar of light from outside illuminates a strip of the wooden floor. Empty. Okay. I slip off my shoes—

Shoes.

Those… are not my shoes, or Jean’s. And we never put our shoes down outside the carpet.

No. The drops turn into a flood of cold terror. No, no, no. No, I’m just assuming the worst. I slip off my shoes and pad to the bedroom. If I’m employing stealth, I’m not doing it on purpose.

The hall splits off into three. Bathroom, closet, bedroom. A dead end, decorated with a small, discoloured blotch from Jean’s knuckle all those years ago.

Silence. My insides, suddenly much heavier than they’re supposed to be. Wake paralysis.

How many times have I stood here? It… fuck.

Fuck, no, no, no…

If Jean is truly having an affair, wouldn’t it be best if I never found out? Slowly, carefully, I lay my palm against the wallpaper. Fuck.

So the only reason I’m here is to save my friends from the inevitable.

‘My friends’ being… what? A hallucination?

No. They’re just from another universe. AU. That’s— that doesn’t make them any less real.

ARE YOU DOUBTING AGAIN?

No, no, no, no… My nails scrape against the hardened paper. No. I’m going to stay for them. It doesn’t matter about Jean or about me or about if they’re fucking real or not. I’m staying right here. No. I’m happy here. You can’t convince me to leave. No.

HAPPY? YOU’RE HAPPY AS LONG AS YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO. BUT WHAT AFTER?

Well, I have my business—

AND IF IT FAILS? IF YOU FAIL? WHAT, ARE YOU JUST GOING TO GIVE UP?

PICTURE THIS. YOU GO BANKRUPT AND LOSE ALL YOUR ASSETS. WHAT THEN?

I would get them back—

YOU WOULD GIVE UP. FACE IT, YOU ALWAYS TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT.

No—

EVEN IF IT MEANS ABANDONING YOUR FRIENDS.

That’s not true.

THEN WHY HAVE YOU ALREADY KILLED YOURSELF TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FOUR TIMES? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU LEFT THEM FOR DEAD?

YOU GOT LUCKY THIS TIME AROUND AND YOU’RE STAYING FOR THE LUXURY.

Shut up.

NICE HOUSE, NICE CLOTHES, FREE TIME, NEW CAR. IN ANY OTHER SCENARIO YOU’D BE OUT OF HERE.

I worked hard, I fucking earned my right—

YOU GOT LUCKY. YOU WOULDN’T LAST A WEEK LIKE THIS A BEGGAR.

The door swings open.

The door fucking swings open, and the man’s beefy frame is uncovered and on full display.

Blond.

Tall.

Sweaty.

The taxi cab driver, Reiner.

In the bedroom with my dearly wedded husband.

I… can’t do this.

Reiner breathes a curse under his breath and squeezes past me.

I stand there for a moment. Not moving, not averting my gaze from where Reiner’s eyes used to be. Knowing he’s laying there in bed, the dark shadow in my peripheries. He doesn’t move, either.

Somehow, he still knows that he fucked up. Irrevocably.

SO, YOU THINK HE’S TOPPING?

When I speak, my voice is steady, cleared of knots. “I’m doing this for my friends.”

End scene.

November 6, 1935 8:37 PM

The storm isn’t letting up, but we’re warm inside by the fireplace. Sasha and Connie are playing Jenga, except it hasn’t been invented yet, so it’s just ‘stacking blocks.’ I just brushed it off as something I played in my childhood, which is technically the truth. I couldn’t help myself — they always play Jenga.

Armin is reading in a barely audible murmur to Eren and Mikasa, the inseparable trio, their reflections against the snow-covered pane.

Erwin and Hange are trying to do something with the radio, Levi inputting periodically with mild annoyance (at the device. He’s not one for these ‘newfangled things’).

Annie’s trying to teach Reiner how to knit, but his big hands keep getting in the way. Needles click together awkwardly and often drop altogether, clattering on the hardwood. Christa and Ymir sit nearby and the latter spares no insult when it happens.

At the opposite end of the room, I’m curled up in Jean’s arms.

We have more than enough to keep us for the next six years.

I did it.

And if I close my eyes and try to forget, if I try hard enough… I can be so happy.

September 9, 1938 7:47 AM

The doctors are impressed. To be fair, I’ve been crushed, diced, torn apart, and chewed into pieces. You should be impressed.

“Congratulations, Mrs. Kirschtein. It’s a beautiful baby boy!”

It looks just like its father.

I’m going to be sick.

March 8, 1938 4:36 AM

The clock keeps ticking. It’s always ticking. Marco unlatches and starts to whine, and I coo in somewhat of a comforting voice. Jean doesn’t stir.

He never stops crying. It starts as a shrill call and builds up until his lungs empty and his face turns a belligerent shade of red and I’m afraid and somewhat hopeful he might die, but he stutters, sucks in air in choking steps, and does it all over again, building up in volume until his cries are raw and throat-burning and every cycle makes my brain rattle in its jelly cage. Over and over and over and over and over and over…

I’ve lost all my assets. We’ve moved into a crumbling apartment that might be a little bigger than our old living room. The clock never stops ticking.

“Shh, you’re okay,” I murmur, but to whom is a mystery. None of us are okay.

Marco cries anyway and it’s high time I start too.

Why? Why why why?

I did everything right, so why did everything go so wrong?

Sasha died that winter in 1935. How? Speared through the stomach by an angry bull. She just wanted to see the calf.

The irony of it all is… I take a deep breath, of sweat and mold. It’s inevitable. The narrative is going to kill them all, no matter what I do.

Jean stirs behind me, pulling the sheets as he turns away. “Shut up!”

I don’t know what to do anymore except wait.

Wait for the draft.

October 30, 1940 7:10 AM

“Um. Goodbye.”

Jean’s looking sharp in his uniform.

“Wave bye-bye to Daddy,” I croak. Marco only stares.

His Adam’s apple bobs, indicative of swallowing. I wonder what he’s feeling right now. Sad? Regretful? Fearful? How many times have I relived this scenario under such different circumstances?

“Goodbye,” he says again with a note of finality. I stare at his nose, his brow, his ears, perfectly as I described them, but never his eyes, and move on.

“Goodbye, Armin.”

He smiles with his mouth and big blue eyes that should never see the horrors of what lies before him. “Goodbye. And goodbye to you, Marco.”

“Don’t forget to write.”

“I’ll write every day.”

I smile. “Take care of the boys for me.”

He huffs a little in amusement. “That I will.”

Eren’s standing next to him. I wait until he’s done saying goodbye to Mikasa before coming in. “Goodbye, Eren.”

“Don’t you ‘goodbye’ me,” he grunts. “Everyone’s so gloomy. I’m coming back, whether you like it or not.”

I smile. No, you’re not. “I expect you to follow through with your word, then.”

“I will. Right after I take care of those bastards.” He sticks his fingers within arm’s reach and Marco grabs on as he wiggles it. “‘Till we meet again.”

“Don’t forget to write.”

“Yes, mother.”

I bump his shoulder. Next.

“Goodbye, Connie.”

The man turns upon hearing his voice and melts into a small smile. It never was quite the same, quite as full, after Sasha’s passing. “Goodbye.” The second half of the word drowned out by the horn of the approaching train.

Oh, Connie. You shouldn’t have to go out there again. I bite the inside of my lip. None of you should.

I open one arm and he takes me up on the offer, engulfing us with his familiar, comforting embrace; his warmth, the roundness of his chest, the way his ribs move as he breathes, the realness of him. Perhaps for the last time.

“I’ll miss you. Write to me.” I swallow down the waver that threatens my voice. “Good luck.”

He smiles, waves to Marco. “I’ll see you later.”

Then they leave, and I’m there on the platform, and I should’ve brought a heavier coat because a sudden chill breaks through.

YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO GET SENTIMENTAL. JUST KILL YOURSELF!

I hug Marco tighter to my chest and find Mikasa.

November 6, 1940 10:10 PM

The silence is just about settling in my gut like a cold stone. No footsteps or loud breathing or high-pitched whining in the apartment today. Marco is actually asleep today.

For now, it’s just me and him.

Silently, I move to the radio and switch it on.

—joining the war effort despite his extensive injury, here at the East coast we see Commander Erwin and his secon—

I shut it off.

Maybe now’s the chance. My opportunity to get away from it all. While Jean’s out, I can just… up and leave. I have five years. How hard can it be to fake you and your infant’s deaths in the 1940s, in the middle of the war, no less? I can scrape up what I have left and write a will. No, that’s suspicious… well, maybe not too suspicious. I’m sure the men had to do it too, so it wouldn’t be too far-fetched—

“Mama?”

Heart sprinting, I spin on my heel. There’s Marco, chubby little fist curled against the corner, hobbling forward in his striped onesie that looks almost black under the dim light. “Ma-ma?”

This… has never happened before. He’s never walked forward like this.

Marco takes one step forward—

bom

—and his head slams against the floor.

He doesn’t move.

And as much as I might want to, neither can I.

Inhale, exhale. Inhale… “Mar…co?” Inhale. The wooden edge of the radio bites into my fingers. “Marco? Marco?”

The— our— my child stirs, putting his hands flat on the ground and lifting up his heavy head.

There’s a dent in his forehead.

His mouth opens, little pearly teeth gleaming.

“POLO.”

My arms tremble, weak and static.

No.

“Get out.”

Marco flexes his fingers with none of the childlike clumsiness of a toddler. “YOUR CHILD IS ALREADY DEAD.”

“Get out.”

“DARLING…” He steps closer and I shrink into the radio as if I can phase through it, as if I’m a vapour. “SO ARE YOU.”

Death by stroke.

⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆

275th reincarnation - band au

Screaming. The rise and swell of voices like an ocean wave of titan proportions, light flashing and glaring from every possible angle as if illuminating a microscopic specimen casting bizarre and animated shadows everywhere I dare look, the sweat, the hollowness of the ground below me, the way it vibrates. The weight of a bass guitar slung over my shoulders.

The weight of thousands of eyes pinpointed on me.

“Aaalright, Toronto!”

The crowd screams louder at Connie’s mechanically projected voice blasts through the loudspeakers that poke through the crowd, echoing through the dark and damp and open air.

“You ready for this one?”

Rise and swell. Individuality chewed into a paste and spat back out into the dedicated mass whose cries pierce into me. Into us. Connie — alive and breathing, alive — separates from the mic and shoots me a grin, skin already glaring with sweat. My hands come up, brushing the electric strings of the bass; a metallic shriek replaces the sound of the audience.

No. No, no, no, not this. Not this.

The first step is the hardest, breaking the ice that seals me to the raised stage. The rest come easy and before I know it, before I can get in a single coherent thought the crowd and the lights and the sounds are all behind me, and I’m running into the dark pocket of solace that leads offstage. Somewhere. Quiet. Away.

Hardly do I make it into some pitch-black equipment room and attempt to shut the door behind me before I’m intercepted and the door swings wide open again.

“Hey?”

Guitar strap half-over my head, I freeze.

“What’s going on?”

I dump the instrument on the ground and turn slowly. Brown strands turned red near the edges from the backlight, large, concerned eyes that are hardly visible yet distinguishable. Always distinguishable. Hell, I’d be able to tell her apart from a million plastically altered faces engineered to look just like her.

“Sasha.”

She scans me up and down, analytic, whole, and the single action makes me want to crumple in on myself. “I knew the new schedule was too much,” she murmurs, and I want to hug her. “Damned director never listens, though.”

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, and I’m sorry I’m going to leave you again.

“Do you think you can get through this one concert? Then you guys'll have a break before we tour the US.” She smiles as if it's the most normal thing ever, as if she's not a ghost or absurd or a figment of my imagination. “I'll make Reiner buy us something really nice to eat, too. I hear the maple syrup here is good.”

How can you talk about maple syrup? How many times have I watched you die, powerless? How many times have I died without you? Can't you see the blood on my hands? Can't you see the blood on my hands? And you're talking about maple syrup?

“Are you—”

“I'm sorry.” The words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them. “I'm kidding myself. I'm stupid and weak and delusional and I never grew up past sixteen because I’m here. Despite everything I’m here. How many times now? I’m here. I’m—”

Everything wound up so tightly inside me like a coil snaps as the anchor is thrown overboard, chains clinking and echoing in the hollow frame called my body. The anchor is never going to touch ground. It’s just going to keep falling, violently accelerating, spewing out every piece of sea gunk and sewage caught in the rusted metal links, endlessly, and I find it in myself to smile because I really don’t know what else I’m supposed to do, I can’t scream, I can’t run, I sure as hell can’t cry. I sputter like an old car because my intestines unwind at Mach fuck.

“This is a secret between you and me, okay?” And vaguely I know I’m sullying her, I’m turning her impure, I’m exposing her to my indulgent sin, but since when did sinners care about that? “I need to kill myself.”

Connie’s voice is somewhere, muffled, trying to appease the crowd. Sasha is still. “What?”

“Jean. I need to kill myself so I can have a chance with him. I need to.” And the sound that comes out of me next is somewhere between a cough and a sob and it makes me feel so shitty I step toward her, the idea of comfort. “This is it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay?” And I touch her and squeeze her shoulder so hard with my strangely calloused fingers that it probably hurts, but she doesn’t flinch.

“Hey... Look, you’re not gonna do that!” she chuckles, and I’ve written her enough to know it’s a fake one, a nervous one, one she keeps tucked away in the deepest parts of her only to come out for emergencies. Glaring emergencies, and that’s how I know she cares so much. “Uh— Jeanboy? He’s such an asshole. You’d want his horse face carved onto your grave?”

Why did I write her like this? I should have made myself detestable. A piece of scum hated by the entire universe, because that’s what I am, a detestable piece of scum that leaves everyone behind over selfish pursuits. Hate me. Hate me. You’re like this because of me.

“You’re... not gonna do that. Right? You don’t— there’s other guys, you know? Or girls!” She pulls out the emergency laugh again and it’s a siren to my ears. “You have so many options! Thousands— no, millions of fans! You don’t have to settle for—”

“You don’t understand. Nobody will understand.” I cough again. “I know I sound like an edgy thirteen-year-old. I— I am edgy! Look at how I’m dressed!” The bracelets and bangles on my arm jingle when I jerk it and now she twitches. Something crashes in the background. “The fact is, you’re not real! The band isn’t real! Everything you know, your life, your friends, the world you live in, is just a figment of my fucking—”

“Calm down. Hey. Calm.” And she says my name and I’m sure it leaves a wound on her tongue. “Look, I think we need to take a break. Let’s shut this concert down, and—”

“You were never there for me.”

She stops talking.

“You were never there for me because you always died first.” My other hand flies to her shoulder before I fall over with the weight of whatever just came out of my mouth. What, what. Wow. I really am a piece of shit! So hung up over Jean. Is this love or something else? Something sinister? Should I have gone to therapy? And here I am destroying the best thing that’s ever happened to me— who am I kidding?

She’s only here because I made her. She should be somewhere else, enjoying korean barbeque. No, she shouldn’t exist at all. She never told me this was okay. I just took her and ran with it. I made her like this. I made her care for me and now I’m kicking out the bricks of her foundation that I laid down so painstakingly, one by one. But the anchor’s falling and nothing can ever stop it. “Sasha. You're never going to fit in. You're right when you think that Connie or Jean or Marco — is he alive in this one? — you're right when you think they don't actually like you. They think you're annoying. And no matter how many crazy jobs you take up— no matter how many you take you'll never really find a place to fit into this society. You should just go home and work in a convenience store because you're embarrassing yourself and your family.” The last sentence ends with an upward turn like I'm asking a question. “You're socially stunted, and…” I taste blood. “I'm sorry you exist.”

She's just a blur because she was never real in the first place. “I'm really fucking sorry.” She's just a blur because the salty tears leak into my mouth. Land ahoy, we're anchored.

“Sweetheart…”

“I need you to hate me.”

Warm hands brush away the hair that falls onto my face. “I could never.”

“That's the pro—”

“What the hell is going on?”

The voice, the rough-around-the-edges arrogant melody lined with a faint hum of baritone. My muscles petrify at the sound.

“Jean—” Sasha starts.

“Hey, we have a concert to do, yeah?” The light is almost completely blotted out now because he's here. “We need you out there.”

“Jean, give us, like, five minutes.”

“We don't have five minutes.” His steps come closer and suddenly there's light again. “What's going on?” Against my ear. “Tell me.”

Bzzzzzz. The whine of a mosquito. That's hysterical. Uproarious. A mosquito, here? Here? Here.

It's here.

It's time!

I've done more than enough here. I need to go. I need to go back to nothing. So without turning my head, I say, “I need to go,” and release Sasha. But Jean's big hands hold me back.

His hands. He holds me in place. What have those hands and I been through together? Every vein, every wrinkle, every tendonous ridge. How many times have we escaped death? Caused it? How many times have I seen them clasped in shaken, silent prayer, praying to an invisible god for a mercy that will never, never come? How many times has Jean wrapped himself up in those hands, clinging to the last semblance of ignorance and bliss and sanity left in his curled-up body?

"Back on stage, right?"

His hands. On my shoulders. Not painful, not gentle, but a third neutral option that somehow hurts the more than of both of them. Friendly.

“I’d rather you hate me, too.”

“What?”

Fuck, who cares? I’ll just kill myself and start over! “Back then. You acted like you loved me when you just hated me. But even then!” Like magnets my eyes lock into his and I nearly puke. He’s so close, I might blush. “Even then! Ha! You still stuck around for me! You screamed, you ignored, you fucking cheated on me with Reiner—” at this his face contorts— “but you still stuck around. You did love me. You always fucking loved me, and— and even if Marco was never born, you still would have stuck around.”

His eyes narrow into slits. “Don’t fucking say his name.”

I smile. “That was our child, by the way, but it’s not like you’d know, or care, because he’s dead. And you don’t exist anymore. And you know what! I should have killed your dad. I should have taken a cab right after you and went to his house and fucking stabbed him.”

“What the hell are you on—”

“Jean.” Sasha makes a motion and he grimaces.

“Concert’s off.” He snaps his head up as the light is blocked out once more, but not as much as when he stood there. The cords in his neck pop. “Concert’s off!”

“What’s—”

“Damn it, Connie, just go tell the audience.”

“But we need you guys—”

“Connie!”

I touch the side of his face and his pupils roll back to me.

“Veggie omelet. Your mom made it for you since you were little and it’s your favourite food.”

“What?”

“It’s also the only thing you’re able to cook, but you know, if you applied yourself, you can be a great cook. Michelin-star level. When you were six you fell off a swing and broke your arm but you told everyone you were fighting off a robber. Your dick curves a bit to the left. Your greatest fear is being abandoned. You can’t stand the idea of being left by people you thought you loved, which is kind of understandable, like I get where that comes from. You’re a big sleeper and a bed hog. You always take up as much room on the bed as humanly possible. Sometimes when you stand up you can’t move right away because the blood drains from your head too quickly. You say you’re a cat person but you love all animals and you think the discourse is stupid. Sometimes you get sad when you see a show you used to watch on TV as a kid but you would never admit it. You saw an emo kid once and seriously considered dying your hair black because you thought it would give you a glowup.” And here the torrent is corked.

Jean is shelled. Thrown overboard. He doesn’t lean in to my hand where I touch him; he treats it like an alien. “What are you doing?”

“You guys? What’s going on?”

There she is. Holding her guitar, disheveled, perfect, framed in the erratic backlight. There she is. “Connie said the concert’s off? Is that true?”

Bzzzzzzz…

It flies so close to the side of my head my eardrum might rupture. Batting around the air with its tiny wings. The crowd screams. It lands on the back of my hand and sticks there when Jean tilts his head away, his beard brushing against my palm. My hand hovers.

“Are you happy?”

The mosquito doesn’t move. Jean moves his lips but says nothing.

“Is this what you wanted?”

It whines again, the slapping of its wings spelling out a rhythm, words that I only hear from the inside of my head.

YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT, it buzzes. MAYBE YOU’RE THE PROBLEM.

“You just want to see me suffer. You took me from my life and put me through all this. Psychotic piece of shit.”

“Is she okay?” someone says through a wall of water.

YOU HAD EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO GO HOME.

“How could I?” The force of my words might blow the insect away but I bring it closer anyway.

“You guys go back… stage… take care of it…”

“After what you showed me? How can I go back? You showed me what happiness could be but you hang it on a string above my head. Are you a sadist? Is that it? You— you like seeing me miserable? You wanna see me cry?”

I CAN MAKE YOU FORGET.

FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. ALL YOUR LIVES. FORGET ABOUT HIM ENTIRELY, AND THE SERIES AS A WHOLE.

WHAT THEN? WOULD YOU DO IT? WOULD YOU FORGET EVERYTHING AND RETURN TO YOUR OWN LIFE?

…

WOULD YOU DO IT?

My hand trembles.

I NEVER MADE YOU MISERABLE. YOU ALWAYS WERE MISERABLE. AND YOU ALWAYS WILL BE.

YOU SHATTERED THE FIRST TIME YOU SAW HIM WITH SOMEONE ELSE AT THAT DANCE CLUB. BECAUSE YOUR EGO IS WEAK. YOU SAW HIM WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND YOU JUST COULDN’T STAND IT. YOU JUST COULDN’T LET HIM GO, SO YOU PLAY THIS GAME OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

“Oh, fuck you. Fuck you.”

TOO BAD YOU’RE TOO MUCH OF A COWARD TO TRULY KILL YOURSELF.

I slam my hand against the wall and it stings, it hurts my bones.

YOUR DESIRE TO FULFILL AN IMPOSSIBLE AND SELFISH SCENARIO IS OVERCOMING YOUR HUMANITY.

I do it again. It’s just a small brown stain.

YOU’RE LAUGHABLE.

“I’ll fucking kill you!”

YOU KNOW AS WELL AS ANYONE ELSE.

The metal stands fall over when I crash into them. “Where are you?” Spit landing on the corner of my mouth.

THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS WROTE THOSE STORIES.

Warm, strong hands wrap around my shoulders.

HIM, AND AN IDEALIZED VERSION OF YOURSELF.

“Die!”

NOT YOU. NEVER YOU. ALL 276 TIMES.

“Hey!”

And the world becomes nothing before I’m slammed into the wall. By Jean.

YOU DON’T LOVE HIM. YOU LOVE THE IDEA OF BEING WITH HIM.

“What the fuck?” Jean snarls. “Are you on something?”

YOU LOVE THE IDEA OF FULFILLMENT. OF BEING WANTED.

“Fucking talk!”

WHY DID YOU STICK AROUND FOR SO LONG?

The pressure in my shoulders suddenly increases tenfold and I swear my bones creak under the sudden weight. Jean’s eyes are wide, his teeth, previously bared, now gleam as his lips curl into a cold upward crescent. His jaw unhinges and he speaks.

“BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST A SAD PERSON.”

I’M JUST A SAD PERSON!

Death by strangulation.

⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆

epilogue

I went back home. I finished falling out of my chair, and that was it.

I closed all my online accounts. Ao3, Tumblr, Instagram. All my words and my connections.

I never had that much merchandise in the first place but I trashed it all. Leaving empty spots.

I cleared my camera roll. All the little doodles on scrap pieces of paper left lying around. I scrubbed out every trace of it.

I haven’t heard the voice since and I’m a little afraid to admit I miss it.

How many years have I spent there?

It doesn’t matter.

In the end it didn’t burn my memory. It’s fine. It’s fine.

I found a man. A real one. He’s nice. He likes ice coffees and sports cars. He doesn’t want kids and that’s fine. The only kids I’d want to have anyways are with— they’re with—

I wouldn’t want to have kids with anybody. It’s fine.

He’s a brunette but he dyes it blond. I never asked him to stop. I think it looks good on him anyways. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me back.

We live in a condo by the 7-11 just like the one from—

I don’t know any convenience stores like this one.

We have a dog. A chocolate lab called Sasha. He loves hot dogs. My man says it’s a Russian name that means “defender of mankind.”

I think that’s sweet.

He calls him “defender of hot dogs.” I think that’s sweet, too. I love him a lot.

When we walk across the street, hand in hand, he suddenly lets go and shoves me aside. Squealing of tires. Plastic crushing. Out of instinct I reach for my ODM—

I don’t reach for anything.

I fall to the ground empty-handed.

Where we were standing there’s a truck. It’s a big one and it blocks out the sun. I can’t see him. I’m stuck to the ground. The drivers’ door opens and—

Nobody steps out. Nothing is there.

I want to puke.

“DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A FANTASY?“

⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆

okay we're done! i already kind of regret posting this but that doesn't really overcome the shame of posting anime boy x reader does it. oh well. sorry to everyone who's here for daily jean i'm never gonna stop doing this shit

#jean kirschtein fanfiction #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirstein fanfiction #jean kirstein x reader #aot fanfiction #attack on titan x reader #pushable #pushs oneshots

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therealcocoshady · 1 year ago

Text

Recovery - Chapter 9

Eminem x FemReader (Y/N) fanfiction

Summary : After relapsing, Y/N wakes up next to Marshall. She confronts Cassie and has an anxiety attack.

Tags : Angst, Comfort

CW : Bullying, Alcohol, Drugs, Relapse, Anxiety attack, Mention of masturbation

When you woke up, you were feeling groggy and nauseous. You groaned at the memory from last night. You felt some stirring beside you. It was Marshall, laying next to you on top of the covers.

Hey, he said in a raspy voice. How are you feeling ? Better ?

Mmmmh, you moaned.

He groaned and yawned.

How about we try some words ? He asked. How are you feeling, Y/N ?

Ashamed, you mumbled.

Shocker.

You stared at him as he rubbed his eyes. You couldn’t help but think that he looked perfect, even in the morning. He was pretty damn sexy, only wearing gray sweatpants with no shirt on. He scratched his beard before looking at you.

Did you sleep here ? You asked.

No, I slept in the garden but decided to come back here before you woke up, he said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes. Yes I slept here. I wanted to make sure you were alright.

Thanks, you said. You could have slept in your bedroom, you know ? Instead of here with me.

And risk finding you dead in a puddle of your own barf ? Nope, he groaned. I don’t feel like having forensics in the house on a Sunday morning. The press would have a field day, though.

Oh my God, the press…, you murmured as you remembered the flashing camera from last night.

I called Paul after you fell asleep, he said. He’s going to try and get the picture deleted. He gave me so much shit about it.

I’m sorry, you whispered as you took your face in your hands.

You were embarrassed. There was so much that you needed to apologize for.

It’s fine, he shrugged. It’s Paul anyway. He gives me shit all the time. That’s kind of his job, you know ?

I’m so sorry I ruined your night…

You didn’t, he said in a softer voice. I mean, I could have done without the worry, for sure, but my night pretty much sucked anyway.

Why ? You asked.

I hate that kind of events, he shrugged. I was there because the Lions PR Team wanted me to do some promo shit. I was supposed to meet someone there to talk about that but I ended up swarmed by drunk people bugging me about the album. And then, I had to take some ho to my place, he chuckled.

God, I am so embarrassed, you whined.

About what part exactly ? He grinned.

All of it ? You said. I mean, you had to help my grown-ass to undress and shower and you held my hair while I threw up. That’s pretty damn embarrassing.

He chuckled and looked at you.

Yup, he simply said.

I’d say the outfit and kissing people was pretty embarrassing, too. And… Oh my God I danced, too, you whined.

Oh yeah. That was some dancing, he grinned.

Just kill me, please, you whined.

He let out a laugh as you buried your face in your hands. Suddenly, the idea of digging a hole and dying there was quite appealing.

It’s fine, he said with a chuckle. I mean, you got some good moves. Didn’t expect you to, to be honest.

Yeah, I don’t know about that…

It wasn’t that bad, I promise. You put on quite a show on the dance floor.

God, I made a fool of myself, you sighed.

I don’t think you did, he said earnestly. Everyone there was doing the same thing anyway… But yeah, that was a bit foolish. I mean, it’s just not you, Y/N.

You nodded softly.

I don’t deserve you being so nice to me, you sighed.

Me being an ass to you wouldn’t help matters, he shrugged. Besides, you already know what you did wrong. You’re a grown woman.

I thought you were going to kill me, back there, you whispered.

Dramatic, much ? He chuckled. I mean, yeah, I wasn’t really pleased with you. I was mostly worried, though…

Mmmh.

I thought you were doing good, you know ? He explained. You were sober for, what… Four months ?

Yeah, going on five, you said with a hint of sadness. And now I threw it all away…

Slipping… it happens, he said. What matters is that you’re able to dust yourself off and try again.

Easy for you to say, you mumbled. You’ve been sober for fifteen years.

He scoffed and shook his head.

You’re not the only person it happens to, you know ? He sighed. I’ve tried to quit a few times before I managed to stop for good. I’ve slipped-up and relapsed a few times. Even after rehab.

You did ? You asked.

Yeah. So I’ve been there and I know how you feel. I just wish I would have known you were struggling, he said.

I wasn’t struggling, you said. I mean… There were times lately, when I missed drinking, but that’s about it. I think that… I have been feeling a bit lonely, mostly.

You didn’t tell me that, he pointed out.

Does it matter ?

Of course it does, he said softly. You matter.

You let out a small “aw” and blushed. He sat up and stroked your shoulder.

So, what happened last night that led you to this ? Walk me through it, ok ?

You sighed and proceeded to tell him everything. How happy you were to see Cassie, how generous and kind she was to you and how much you didn’t want to disappoint her or let her down. How her calling you a dud made you want to gain her approval so badly. You also mentioned that, regardless of the fact that you had messed up, you looked up to her and you wished you could be more like her but only seemed to get as sociable when you were under the influence.

This girl is a bully, he scoffed.

No she’s not, you replied.

That’s high school mean girl 101, Y/N, he said. You do realize she used you as a prop, right ? She played with you like a doll, she dressed you up in that skimpy outfit, ignored you when she wanted to flirt with people and used you to arouse men, either by kissing you or suggesting threesomes…

Well, if you put it like that, it does make her look pretty bad, you mumbled. But she’s my friend !

She's not, he groaned. Talia is your friend. Jamal is your friend. I am your friend. This girl ? Nope.

You sighed. Maybe he was right on some level, but you didn’t want to hear it. After all, Cassie had been there for you numerous times.

Well, I have to see her today, you said. I still have stuff in her hotel room.

I’ll take you, he offered. But first, we should discuss what you’re going to do.

That’s fair. What am I going to do ?

First, you’re going to tell Talia and Jamal as soon as I take you home. They’re your roommates and they deserve to know that kind of thing. Lying about it would be a shitty idea anyway, he said.

Talia’s going to kill me, you said.

She’s not, he said softly. Then, first thing tomorrow, you’re going to a meeting and calling your sponsor.

Meetings are on wednesday, you said.

I’ll get you an appointment with a therapist, then. You need to see someone. The earlier the better. If today wasn’t Sunday, you’d be there already.

You nodded, but tears were welling in your eyes.

I can’t do it, you said as you choked on your words. Marshall, I just… I can’t. I can’t face people and tell them I fucked up.

Hey, he said softly as he took your hand in his. Yes you can, and you will. Shit happens. Do you remember what I said when I took you to the observatory ?

That I’m not alone ?

Exactly. Your road to recovery doesn’t have to be a lonely one, he reminded you as he stroked your cheek. I got you. So do Talia and Jamal. The others at the studio too. They love you.

They do ? You asked.

Yeah. Everyone thinks you’re great. They keep going on about how cute you are. Especially when you fall asleep on the couch, he chuckled.

Thank you, you whispered as you let your head roll on his shoulder. I love them too, you know ?

He kissed the top of your head and decided to get up.

Get up, Dobby, I’ll make you breakfast, he said.

Are you really going to call me that ? You groaned before letting out a yawn.

Yep, he said with a smile. You were right, you do look like a house elf in my tee-shirt.

I wouldn’t have pegged you as a Harry Potter fan, you said with a grin.

My youngest was obsessed with the movies and books for a while, he chuckled. She’d be so proud of me right now. Anyway, breakfast in ten minutes, ok ?

You nodded and took some time to stretch as he walked towards the door.

Oh, and, Dobby ? You’re much hotter in my clothes than in last night’s dress, he added with a wink.

He left the room and you were speechless. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks.

Have you seen my phone ? You asked Marshall when you walked in the kitchen to the smell of pancakes.

No idea about your phone, but your purse is on the table, he said.

You grabbed your phone, that was inside your handbag and checked your phone. You had about fifty notifications. Had you been sleeping that long ? Had the world ended without you knowing ? Was someone dead ?

From : Unknown. “Hey. It’s Jared. Loved meeting you tonight. When are you free for dinner ?”

From : Talia. “Is that really you in the picture with Em ???”

From : Talia. “Hand holding and stuff ?!?! What is happening ??? I thought you were with Cassie ???”

From : Talia. “CALL. ME. BACK. I need to knoooooow !!!”

From : Talia. “If you call me back I promise I will let the questionable outfit slide. We need to talk about your fashion sense tho…”

From : Talia. “I know the two of you are probably busy right now, but call me back when you can ??? I hope he is ravishing the shit out of you right now :)”

From : Unknown. “I just saw the pictures online. I didn’t realize you were with Em ! Sorry I suggested that date. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful at all…!”

It didn’t take too long to figure out the photos had been published. You quickly went online and saw a bunch of headlines. You also received messages from people you hadn’t seen in a long time. It was as if, suddenly, they remembered you. You knew it was no coincidence.You clicked on an article titled “Eminem in love ?!”.

“Eminem is known to be somewhat of a recluse and very private about his personal life, but he was spotted leaving a fancy fundraising event in Detroit yesterday night, holding hands with an unknown woman. No smile on his face, as usual, but his jacket on her shoulder and the hand-holding says it all ! The rapper was reportedly holding her tightly and keeping her close when they exited the party and hopped in a car, accompanied by his bodyguards. The news has fans in a frenzy and desperate for details. We do not know the name of the woman, who wore a stunning Sandro dress and Jimmy Choo accessories (no doubt gifted by her wealthy beau). It is the first time the Rap God was spotted with a woman since his divorce from ex-wife Kim, with whom he shares three children.”

Fuck, you mumbled under your breath.

What’s wrong ? He asked as he placed a plate in front of you.

You gave him your phone. He took a minute to read the article and groaned.

Guess Paul was too late, he mumbled. I’m sorry about that, Y/N.

I’m sorry, you said sheepishly.

I don’t care, he said. I mean, I’m used to dating rumors, you know ? It just sucks for you…

Well… My phone is buzzing with people congratulating me, you giggled. And at least I don’t look wasted on the pics. Although I think it just cost me a date.

What date ? He asked suspiciously.

A guy named Jared asked me out yesterday, you explained. He’s a football player.

Jared Goff ? The Lions quarterback ?!

Yeah, him. Anyway, he just texted and apologized for asking me on a date and hitting on me, you said.

Sorry for accidentally cockblocking you, he chuckled.

Maybe that’s karma ? You said with a shy smile. Anyway, I don’t think I would have said yes. I wasn’t really myself last night, after all. Poor guy would have been disappointed

He chuckled and you ate breakfast.

You know, maybe it’s for the best, he commented between bites. Maybe you should hold back on the dating thing. You’re going to have to focus on recovery anyway.

I guess, you groaned. That’s unfair though.

How so ? He asked.

I can’t get drunk, I can’t take pills, I can’t even smoke a fucking cigarette and now I can’t get laid ?! You blurted out.

You could tell he wasn’t expecting that statement, as he almost spilled his orange juice.

Classy, he grinned.

I’m serious, though, you pouted. I’m feeling lonely. I want affection. I want hugs…

He smiled as he put an arm around your shoulders.

That’s easily remedied, he said softly.

… and I want sex,you continued.

Aaaand we’re done, he chuckled as he let go of you.

How did you do it ? You asked. How did you manage to stay abstinent ? Also, when did you start dating again ?

You’re 27, for God’s sake, do I really have to explain to you how masturbation works, Y/N ? He groaned as your face reddened.

But it’s not the same, though, you said. I want contact, I want intimacy. Maybe I should get a friend with benefits…

Right, he chortled. Good luck with that.

You don’t think I could get one ?! You asked in an offended tone.

Oh, believe me, after the show you put on last night, I know you could get absolutely anyone, he chuckled. But a lot of people seem to think you are spoken for, now. By yours truly, no less.

Until you put out a statement, that is, you replied.

Yeah, I’m not doing that.

What ?! You asked in disbelief.

A statement will get people talking. Saying nothing and waiting for the thing to die out is probably the best option, he explained. Besides, I wouldn’t be offended if people thought I was with you. I don’t really mind, to be honest.

So, you’re not worried that it would cockblock you ?

Nope. If anything, people might be leaving me alone on the subject for a while. I’m not really into dating anyway, he shrugged.

Are you some sort of asexual hermit monk ? you asked teasingly.

I think we’ve established that I’m not, he said with a smirk. Unlike some people, though, I know how to keep it in my pants.

Oh, I can keep it in my pants, you said as you rolled your eyes. I just don’t really want to.

Right, he chortled.

Anyway, do you know if Porter is seeing anyone ?

He froze as you asked the question and dropped the glass he had in hand, causing it to shatter on the floor.

Shit, he groaned. You’re not serious right ?!

Relax, I’m joking, you giggled. You should see your face, though. It’s hilarious.

You’re impossible, he said, rolling his eyes.

You chuckled and helped him clear the glass pieces on the floor.

Anyway, I get how you’re feeling. But just be careful, ok ? You need to be safe and healthy. That should come first. Not your sexual urges. To answer your question, I didn’t date for a couple of years after getting sober. I just focused on my family and music. Also, I have found that exercising really gets your mind off… You know, he said with a grin.

I’ll keep that in mind, you chuckled.

And if you need hugs, I’m here, he said with a smile. Just hugs though.

You giggled and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Thanks for being so amazing, you said. Thank you for being here.

Anything for you, Dobby, he chuckled.

Anything ? you smirked. Really ?

Oh, man… Why do I feel like I’m going to regret this ? He sighed with a grin.

Well, I do look amazing in that Saint Laurent jacket…, you began. I mean, the pictures in the article prove it.

Not happening, nope, he said as he shook his head.

Can’t blame a girl for trying, you giggled. Your closet is full of great pieces.

I’ll tell you what, he said with a smile, if you’re good and put in some work towards your recovery, I might let you borrow some stuff.

Really ? You squealed. Even the jacket ?

Yeah. Even the jacket. For every sobriety milestone, you get to borrow a thing for my closet. Except for my sneakers and a few pieces of jewelry. The rest is fair game, he said.

I’m going to crush recovery, you said cockily.

Don’t get ahead of yourself, Dobby, he chuckled. You need to stick to therapy, go to meetings, and mostly, you have to call me or anyone else before you fuck up. Not after. Understood ?

Yes, sir, you giggled. Totally unrelated, but is 10 hours sober a milestone ?

Go and take a shower and get dressed, he said as he shook his head. I think I have the clothes you left here last time around there somewhere. Then, I’ll take you to the hotel, ok ?

An hour later, you knocked at the door of Cassie’s hotel room. Marshall was waiting for you in the parking lot. He offered to go up with you, but you figured that you needed to have a talk with your friend, one on one. As much as you didn’t want to believe what Marshall was telling you about her using you, you wanted things to be clear.

Hey chérie, she said with a smile as she opened the door and let you into the suite. Last night was sooo fun. I do have a bit of a hangover, though.

Oh yeah ? You asked awkwardly.

A guy I met took me to an afterparty, she explained. I ended up coming back here in the morning with a couple of people. They just left.

Oh, did you…?

Yes, we fucked, she giggled.

Speaking of which… Can I talk to you ?

Of course, she shrugged.

You sat on the couch and your anxiety levels started to rise. You didn’t quite know where to begin.

What, you mean to tell me that you got laid by Eminem last night ? she chuckled.

W-What ?! No, absolutely not, you said.

Relax, she said. I saw the pictures online, but I figured nothing happened. If that’s any comfort, I don’t think anyone is going to believe it anyway. No offense but… You couldn’t get someone like that.

You furrowed your eyebrows. Was your friend seriously implying that you weren’t good enough for Marshall ?! You sort of knew that already, but it stung.

What do you mean by that, Cass ?

What ? Just the truth, Baby, she shrugged. Men like that, they like beautiful, interesting girls. Not that you don’t look good, but… You’re sort of plain, you know ? You see what I mean, don’t you ?

I don’t, you said.

Whatever, she said. I just think you’re not the type to hang out with someone like that. Even as a friend, you know ? I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know that. I’m just being honest here. I’m your friend.

Is that why you basically dragged me into a threesome with him ? Because we’re friends ?

Oh God, you really haven’t changed, have you ? she asked with a laugh.

You bit your lip.

Seriously, you were always so sensitive, Ms Goody Two Shoes. I flirted, it was a joke, alright ? We had kissed earlier because you were being initiating. You’re the one who told me you were horny, remember ? I don’t see what the big deal is. Nothing happened. Even if it did… You would have had a great experience, she said as she rolled her eyes.

I wasn’t initiating, you muttered.

You said you were horny, she pointed out.

Only because of the stuff you gave me, you squealed.

I gave you this because I knew you wouldn’t have a great time otherwise, Y/N. And guess what ? You had a great time. You danced, you flirted…You were finally acting normal.

I was drunk.

What’s the big deal ? She sighed. It happens to everyone. You were drunk, so what ? No one died.

I just… What I mean to say is… I don’t feel comfortable with what happened last night. It doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not who I am, you know ? You tried to explain, while keeping your composure.

Maybe you should ask yourself the right questions, Y/N, she scoffed.

Meaning ?

Is this really who you want to be ? A 27 year-old dork who is still in school, single, living with two roommates, with a sad social life ? You could do so much better with your life.

In this instant, she managed to break your heart. Recovery and yesterday’s fuck-up aside, you were pretty proud of who you were. Granted, you didn’t have a lot of friends, a boyfriend or a glamorous job. You weren’t a homeowner either. But you always thought you were doing pretty well, especially considering the hand you had been dealt.

Is it what you think ? You asked as your voice broke. That I’m not good enough ?

I didn’t say that, she defended herself.

I thought you were my friend, you muttered.

I am your friend, Y/N. I want you to thrive, she shrugged. You should be thanking me. Honestly, do you have a lot of people in your life who want the best for you ?

I do, you said, feeling extremely defensive. I have Talia and Jamal, I have Marshall…

For how long though ? she asked.

What do you mean ?

I’m just thinking that, if you weren’t such a dud, maybe you’d have more people around you, you know ? You’d have more friends. People you meet would stick around. You’d have a boyfriend. Hell, maybe Simon wouldn’t have left you.

You swallowed dryly and got up. You decided this was your cue to leave.

I can’t take this anymore. Goodbye, Cassie, you said as you grabbed your things before exiting the room.

Y/N, wait…

Tears were streaming down your cheeks when you got to the parking lot. As he saw you come, Marshall immediately got out of the car and engulfed you in a hug.

What’s wrong? He asked.

I’m fine, you lied with a breaking voice.

Bullshit, he sighed. You’re crying. What happened ?

You didn’t talk. Instead, you simply looked in his eyes. As you stared at him, you were reminded of Cassie’s words. “For how long ?”. Suddenly, something hit you and you felt scared. You realized that you were playing a dangerous game. In a matter of months, he had become a constant in your life. Most of the time, not a week went by without you seeing him at least twice. You texted all the time, whether it was to talk about your day or simply to exchange silly jokes. He was always there for you but, as thankful as you were, you were scared of the day he wouldn’t be around anymore. It would come eventually. Maybe Cassie was right. Maybe there was something about you that made people want to leave. And, let’s face it, she was definitely onto something when she said that girls like you usually aren’t interesting enough for people like him. He walked into your life unexpectedly, but you feared the moment he would walk out. He kept on gazing at you, waiting for you to talk, but you couldn’t.

Talk to me, he said softly.

I have to go, you whispered.

Go where ? I don’t understand, Y/N.

You took a step back and muttered an apology before starting to walk out of the parking lot. At that moment, nothing made sense anymore. You realized that maybe you had been wrong all along. Maybe you were in fact a 27 year-old failure. If so, why bother people ? They would be better off without you, right ? Hell, it wasn’t just about Marshall. It was about all your friends. Maybe you should do them a favor and leave them be.

You were still wearing your heels from last night, as you obviously didn’t have any spare pair of shoes at Marshall’s place and had not taken the time to change since retrieving your stuff from the hotel room. Your feet hurt but you kept on walking.

Y/N, Marshall called as he followed you.

Please leave me alone, you said.

I’m not leaving you alone when you’re crying and just had a slipping episode, he said as he grabbed your arm. Just come with me, ok ? We’ll talk.

Get away from me !!!! You yelled as you pushed him.

He looked at you, taken aback. It was the first time you yelled at him and you could tell he was not expecting it. His eyes were full of questions. But what exactly could you say that would actually make sense ?

I’m sorry, you whispered. I just… I have to…

You were panting and slurring your words. It was all too much. The only thing you wanted was to get out of here, but as seconds went by, it was clear that your body would not cooperate. You felt a pain in your chest and your heart was pounding. Despite your attempt to move, you were unable to. To make things worse, your eyes were wide open but you couldn’t quite see. It was all a blur. You were feeling trapped. You were on the floor, your hand on your chest.

Y/N, Marshall said in a soft yet alarmed voice. You need to breathe, ok ?

I… C-can’t, you stuttered.

Yes, you can, he reassured you. I’ll help you. I’m going to touch your hand. Is that alright ?

You tried to nod, to the best of your ability, but your body felt so stiff that you weren’t sure if Marshall could see your reaction or not. Regardless, he got closer and gently took your hand in his before placing it on his chest. You could feel his heartbeat.

Now, you’re going to try and inhale through your nose and take in as much air as you can, ok ? Can you do that for me ?

I…

Don’t speak for now. Just inhale. As deep as you can, he directed. And then, exhale slowly.

Your first tentative attempt to breathe deeply was a complete failure. You thought you were going to end up choking. Yet, after a while, you managed to breathe a bit more normally, slowly. Your hand was against Marshall’s chest, his own breath guiding yours. One of his hands was on your back, gently holding you.

That’s it. You’re doing so good, Y/N, he encouraged you.

Mar…, you began.

Shhh. Just keep breathing for now, ok ?

As minutes went by, you were shivering, but thankfully, you were breathing properly.

You’re safe, he said gently. It may not feel like this right now, but I promise. I got you.

You closed your eyes as he wiped the tears from your cheeks. You stayed like this for a while, unable to tell if it was seconds or hours. Eventually, you came back to your senses.

Do you feel better ? He asked.

Yes, you whispered. I’m so sorry.

What the hell are you apologizing for ? He chuckled. Having a panic attack ? Yeah, you better apologize for things that are out of your control…

You let out a small, exhausted laugh. He kissed the top of your head and you went back to the car. Your body was stiff and tense.

Let’s get you home now, he said gently as he started driving. You need some rest.

Can we… not ? You asked anxiously.

What’s wrong, Y/N ? He asked.

I don’t know, you replied. I just…

If you’d had any tears left, you would have cried. Instead, you just choked on your words. You took a breath and tried to speak more clearly.

I don’t want to face them, you explained. Especially Talia. I can’t disappoint her like this, you know ?

They’re your friends, he said. Sure, once you come clean about what happened and the fact that you used again, they won’t be too pleased. But you’ll be fine. Because they love you and they care about you.

For how long, though ? You blurted out.

What ?

They would be better off without me. Everyone would be better off without me, you said. I’m a failure. I stall people. Who wants that ?

You’re only saying that because you slipped and you’re tired, he replied as he shook his head. Is that what your friend told you ? Of all people, I don’t think she is the one you should listen to.

No, I figured that myself, you said. But as much as I am mad at Cassie right now… She got a few things right.

Oh yeah ? About what ? He scoffed.

I’m a failure, you simply said.

That’s not true.

No, Marshall, you don’t understand ! She said I'm a 27 year-old dork who is still in school, single, living with two roommates with a sad social life. That is absolutely true. She also said that… It doesn’t make sense why someone like you would hang out with… someone like me. She’s not wrong about that either.

He shook his head and scoffed.

I hang out with you because I like you, Y/N, he said. And because of everything else she said.

What do you mean ? You asked with a confused look.

Let’s dissect, ok ? You’re 27. That’s a fact. I don’t have to have an opinion about it. Same goes for the single thing. As for the rest… I think it’s great that you are still in school. It shows that you are driven and that you are full of ambition. You’re getting a fucking PhD, for God’s sake. Not a lot of people can do that, you know ? You’re the smartest person I know. Most of the time, when you talk about your work, I don’t understand a word of what you’re saying. But I see how passionate you are, and it’s fucking inspiring. And you are a dork. But it’s fucking great. I love that about you. I think that’s the cutest and funniest thing ever. I’m a dork too. There’s nothing wrong with that. And you do have friends. You have us. You have me. You might not be the most sociable person I know. That’s true. But that’s fine. I like that you’re not the loud type anyway. And it’s cool that you live with Talia and Jamal. I’d even go so far as to say that I like it, because otherwise… I wouldn’t have met you, you know what I’m saying ?

You stared at him and nodded.

Don’t let her get into your head, he continued. You’re absolutely amazing. There isn’t a thing I would change about you. Meeting you is the greatest thing that’s happened to me in the past year. You’re a ray of sunshine. Every time you walk in the studio, you make everyone’s day better, just by being you. You make those silly jokes, you put up with us and, most importantly, you get us. You’re not one of those groupies who think of us as stereotypes. Especially me. You’re so genuine, it’s refreshing. So don’t let anyone change that. You are exceptional. You are brave, strong, and beautiful, inside and out.

You couldn’t help but think it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever told you. Sure, you’d received compliments before, but never to this extent. Hell, none of the people you had dated had never made such a declaration. You could tell by the look on his face that he meant every word he had just said.

I’m scared to lose my friends, you finally said in an emotional voice. Especially you.

You’re not losing anyone, Y/N. Especially me, he chuckled as he brushed your face with his hand. Don’t you worry about that. You’re pretty much stuck with me.

You giggled softly before curling on the car seat and watching him for the rest of the drive. You felt comforted, grounded by his presence. It was a good thing, too, because you weren’t too sure how the conversation with Talia and Jamal would turn out.

#marshall mathers headcanons #marshall mathers imagine #marshall mathers x reader #eminem imagine #eminem fluff #eminem x reader #eminem fanfiction #slim shady #marshall mathers #eminem #recovery fanfiction

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f4ggydog · 1 month ago

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💌 - All of these puppy asks have me thinking of werewolf tmasc Nat,,

He’d push himself extra hard in the wilderness to hunt for you and the team because he says it’s his responsibility bc of his werewolf abilities :(( but it’s obvious it takes a toll on him because you’re all starving and struggling out there.

Acting tough when he rly is just the softest sweetest little misunderstood puppy. Kissing him and his tail swishes side to side cause he gets too excited 😭

(And um. Desperately needing to breed you even if he can’t)

NO THOUGHTS JUST WEREWOLF BF I NEED TO BE HIS PRETTY FEMME

I have written for werewolf nat before but anon asked for this a while ago and for specifically tmasc nat so I shall fulfill!!!

nat doesn’t let his walls down quite easily. he’s not the type of guy up for small talk and he’s never been a dude who dances along the lines of the norm. the dude couldn’t care less about being hated by society. it’s given him a cold exterior that’s frustrating to shatter through at times. but as seems to be the cliche with many supposedly ice cold people, nat’s got a sweet spot that rivals the taste of candy.

he’s relieved that he remembered to pack some of his binders for the trip the yellowjackets were going to attend. at least he doesn’t have to worry about how his boobs look while he’s in the wilderness. it’s a first world concern compared to the predicament the team’s trapped themselves in, but nat could do without feeling extra desolate. he did forget his packers though, so perhaps all hope IS lost.

his tail swishes as he watches you gather firewood. though nat’s already got a heavy bias for you, he’s also appreciative of the fact that you’re also doing your part. you helped him clear out the cabin and make some room for all the soccer teammates to sleep. you helped him practice using a rifle so that you guys could hunt for food and not develop an eating disorder while starved for comfort food. you participate a lot more than jackie, who’s supposed to be the team’s captain. you’d think that she’d allow herself to take on most of the responsibilities, but she seems to be the one complaining the most. complaining instead of pinching in, yapping instead of making herself useful.

nat sighs, sitting by the edge of the lake. he quickly squishes his boobs and immediately convinces himself that they’ve somehow gotten bigger, if that’s somehow possible. he sighs, wishing he could take that axe from the camp and cut them off. he wishes a bear would come and maul him and rip off just the part of his body that he detests.

nat hears footsteps approaching him and he growls, his tail static. then, when he looks behind and sees that it’s you, his tail starts wagging rapidly and his frown turns into a smile. oh, how he couldn’t resist a moment of your time.

“did you find any game yet?” you inquire, kneeling down next to your boy.

“no.” nat shakes his head. “thought we saw a fucking deer earlier. nope, was a false alarm. everything’s just been false alarm after false alarm. and everyone is bitching to me about how hungry they are but nobody wants to go out hunting with me aside from flex.”

“i could always help you out,” you coo, squeezing nat’s cheeks together. “why don’t you let me come with you, pretty boy?”

“because i don’t want you to hurt yourself,” nat replies. “things are already bad enough out here as is. if you got hurt…i don’t know what i’d do with myself. honestly.”

“i think you worry too much about me,” you say. “i think you’re always trying to be a big, strong, tough man all the time and you don’t want to let anyone else in because you think you should bear the burden. you think you have to be alone, nat.”

“well, who else cares besides you?”

“am i not enough?” you tease, kissing along nat’s sensitive neck. his tail wiggles rapidly.

“h-hey quit it,” he whines, playfully shoving you aside. but you pounce back on nat, smooching him all over his handsome face.

“what’s wrong with a guy getting a few kisses once in a while? just cause you’re a man doesn’t mean you’re not worth of affection too, perfect boy. especially with how much you do for us.”

“am i even a man?” nat exhales. “look at my tits. they’re so visible. and my thigh gap is so…feminine. and my hips-“

“it’s your chest,” you assert. “not your tits. not your breasts. your chest. you have a chest, not boobs.”

“i can’t even properly breed you,” nat whines. “if i was born a guy, i would have this cool dick and i’d be able to cum inside of you all the time i want. but i just have this clit that i can’t use for anything.”

“doesn’t make you less of a man baby boy,” you encourage, kissing your ways down to his thighs. nat’s knees get shaky and his tail is spinning from side to side. “just means i get to take care of you. come on, shorts off.”

“why do you even like me?” nat whimpers after each kiss you plant on his pale skin.

“because i know who you are under that facade you put up,” you insist. “you’re a special boy, my man. and i’ll show you that you don’t have to put a knot inside me to be a true man.”

“you sure?” nat’s eyes soften.

“yeah baby.” you nuzzle into him. “besides, once we’re back home, we can always stimulate it with a fake cock. dildos exist for a reason.”

you’ve got a point. shit now, nat’s pheromones are all over the place. he blushes and hides his face, embarrassed by how horny he became in matter of seconds. wow, you really are the only one to get him.

#natalie scatorccio #nat scatorccio #natalie yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio x reader #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #yellowjackets #yellowjackets fanfiction

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obey-me-disaster · 2 years ago

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Matching Rings

A/N: I am really soft for Lucifer and I don't know why. Pray for me that I don't become a full on a Lucifer simp, I wouldn't be able to keep up with the amount of cards this old man gets.

Lucifer x gn!MC

!!Spoilers for the end of season 2 and beggining of season 3 of the OG!Obey Me!!

When it first came into your mind, the idea didn't seem that bad. It was rather romantic and a nice gesture, but now that you had the ring in your hand, you couldn't help but get embarrassed about the thought of giving it to him.

Since he told you that the ring of light was his most precious object and about how glad he is that you get to wear and be protected by it, you got the idea of getting him a matching ring. It only made sense in your mind. Since you're wearing a precious object of his that was thought to have been lost in the war. But now that you have it in your hand you couldn't come up with a way to give it to him without you being flustered. You weren't planning on asking for his hand in marriage, at least not yet, but the implications of giving him the ring it sure made you feel like it.

Since you got the ring earlier that day, you have been constantly pacing in your room trying to come up with a way to give him the ring. Each time you had to stop yourself cause it was leading no where and you could start feeling your face heat up. Over thinking about a date wasn't helping, simply leaving it on his desk was out of question, you did want to see his reaction after all. In the end all that was left, was for you to take a direct approach and just give it to him.

The only problem was that you couldn't really do it in the Serenity Manor, where his brothers could interrupt the two of you, so you decided to take him on a walk around the city. It wasn't often that he came to the human world. It seemed like an easy enough plan. Go on a walk, find a nice spot, give him the ring and explain it was only a nice gesture without looking to flustered and wait to get praised by Lucifer.

The plan was straight forward and simple, especially a few hours prior when thought about it. It still seemed easy when you convinced Lucifer to leave his work behind and to go out with you. But now, sitting right next to him, you could feel your face heat up and your hands starting to fidget. You didn't even notice that you've started to bounce your leg in a nervous manner, too caught up in your thoughts.

"For a walk that was supposed to be relaxing, you sure do look stressed" Lucifer commented as way to get you out of your constant over thinking. The startled look on your face at being caught was enough to get a chuckle out of him. "You don't think I haven't seen you fidget with something in your pocket the whole day? Or how you would open your mouth to say something only to close it and be all flustered afterwards?" The smug look on his face really belonged to the avatar of pride. If you weren't so caught up in the fact that he has seen right through, you would have wiped that smug smile on his face.

"And you've only decided to tell me about it now? If you knew I was trying to do something, why pretend that you didn't notice? Was I that funny to watch?" Usually when someone was trying to hide something he would call them out immediately. The fact that he let you go on your own pace was both a blessing and a curse and you couldn't decide which one it was.

"You didn't seem guilty or that you were trying to hide something bad, so there was no need for me to intervene in your plans" Lucifer said as a matter of fact. "But you were quite amusing to look at." Looking at the exasperated look on your face he couldn't help but laugh.

"You're making me have second guess myself about giving you that gift..." you sighed, closing your eyes as a way to compose yourself. You didn't really mean what you said nor were you mad at him, you were just embarrassed about having your surprise ruined like that. "A gift you say? Whatever it is that you have got me I am sure it will be something that I will treasure." Lucifer tried to reassure you.

Turning towards him you hand him the box with the ring. "Since you gave me the ring of light, I thought it would be only right if I got you a ring too, considering how special of an object it was for you." You mumbled the last part, but it was still loud enough for Lucifer to hear.

Humming to himself Lucifer put on the ring. "I guess it's good that I am not wearing gloves in my human world outfit. It would really be a shame to hide this from everyone." Slightly leaning towards you he kissed your forehead. "Thanks, my love, I really appreciate your gift." You were left staring at him with a dazed look on your face.

All the jittery feelings in your body were replaced by a soft warmth. "I am really glad you liked it, I spent a long time searching for one that would match the ring of light." You went on a small tirade about how you found the ring and how you also got his ring size behind his back, all too proud of yourself for a job well done, forgetting about how filled you were with anxiety not even five minutes ago.

Lucifer only stared at you fondly while nodding at certain parts of your story. By the time you were done he looked both amused and smug about something. "What's with that look on your face? You only have it when you're coming up with a punishment or when you find a new cursed record."

He merely smirked at you as he reminded of a detail that you have overlooked. The reactions his brothers are going to have when they see Lucifer having matching rings with you and all the conclusions they will jump too. You could feel yourself already feel light headed at the thought of them questioning if you proposed to Lucifer or anything like that. Surely Lucifer would be more than happy to stay out of the Serenity Manor for more hours, right?

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x mc #obey me lucifer x reader #writer's block writing

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sc11vb · 4 months ago

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KINKTOBER 2024 - Warnette

Pairing: Aaron Warner and Juliette Ferrars / Ella Sommers

Rating: Explicit

I will be putting this on Ao3 tomorrow! In the meantime, enjoy!

ELLA

We separate ourselves from the crowd of guests at our wedding. Aaron is laughing at something I said, and he has a smear of frosting on his chin. I don’t tell him, because it isn’t often I get to see him like this—relaxed, and without a care in the world. He’s hugging me close to him as we stumble back to our house.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs to me. His eyes are alight, and I wonder if he drank a bit too much of the champagne Winston brought.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” I say, smiling. I rub the frosting away.

We stop a few feet before the door to our new house, and Aaron’s eyes develop a gleam I know all too well.

“What are you thinking?” I ask. He grins, and without a word, scoops me up into his arms, and carries me through the door. I squeal in surprise and cling to his neck.

“I’m supposed to carry my new bride through the threshold, aren’t I?” he says, and my stomach flutters. This feeling, being his wife … it’s all so new. It doesn’t seem real. I’m sure if I concentrated hard enough on this feeling, it would turn out to be a dream. But for now, I want to be happy. And that’s what Aaron makes me feel.

He carries me until we reach our bed, and lays me down gently, right before he locks the door. “In case Kishimoto decides to come knocking,” he says, when I give him a look. But I know we won’t be interrupted tonight. Everyone has to know what we’ll be doing. I shudder at the thought, a mixture of excitement and desire and love coursing through my veins. That’s all my heart pumps any more, when I’m around Aaron.

I sit up against the pillows, smoothing out my wedding dress. Aaron sits at my feet, his legs hanging off the bed.

“So, love,” he says, “where shall we start?”

AARON

I’m sure Ella can tell how nervous I am. It’s as plain as day. We’ve done this before, many times. But tonight feels different. We’re married, for God’s sake. She’s my wife, something I never thought would happen.

“So, love, where shall we start?” I ask. It’s an effort to keep my voice from breaking. Because Ella looks so damn beautiful. Her dress, her makeup—all of it is stunning, but what’s beneath is impossibly more gorgeous.

I can feel the way her emotions change. Her quiet breaths quicken and her heart rate picks up. I see her thighs squeeze together, and I almost lose myself, right then and there.

“Wherever you think,” she says, and her voice sounds so casual. Relaxed. Far from how she feels.

“I think …” my voice lowers to almost a whisper, “that we should start right here.”

I nearly lunge for her, and she makes a small sound of surprise, before allowing my lips to capture her own. Her emotions are tangled. She wants this, I can tell. It’s more than the usual love and attraction that I feel radiating from her every time I see her. Even more than the blessed desire I used to get nearly every night. She needs this.

And I need it too.

She’s cupping my face in her hands, sighing. I have her bundled up in my arms, like I can’t get enough of her. Because I really can’t. No matter how many times we do this, I will never get sick of the feeling of her squeezing around me, crying out when I hit a particularly good spot. Or her soft body, her sweet taste. And now she’s mine, all mine.

And I’m hers.

ELLA

Time passes slowly, which is a blessing. I want this to last forever.

Aaron throws off his jacket and socks, and helps me out of my dress and underclothing. I’m bared for him. He carefully pulls the pins out of my hair and lets it fall around me, like a curtain.

“It’s not fair,” I protest. He’s still fully clothed, and I’m naked.

He just smiles. “I want to take my time with you, love.” He goes to his knees in front of me and I move closer, closer, just close enough to where he can place his hands on my thighs. I shiver under his warm touch.

He places a kiss on my belly, right below my navel. I let my head fall back as his lips trace patterns on my skin, hotter than fire. He drags his tongue down the inside of my thigh. The skin there is so sensitive, and it’s all I can do to keep myself from crying out. I shift my hips, trying to move his tongue to where I need it most, but he only moves farther away.

“Patience is a virtue, sweetheart,” he says, but when I’m with him, all my virtue is gone. One look from him is all it takes, and I’m melting in a puddle.

AARON

She’s so delicious. So sweet. Her skin, her throbbing core—I could eat her for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and never get tired. Though she might; I’m not sure how much longer she can hold on. Her softs sighs and cries, pleas for me to touch her, kiss her, lick her where she needs it, are music to my ears.

Ella blinks up at me with those long, dark lashes, that brush the tops of her cheeks when she closes her eyes. Mascara - that’s the makeup she would’ve used, right? And … if I remember correctly, it’s supposed to run when it gets wet?

Well, then, I suppose I’ve set a new challenge for myself.

I’m going to pleasure my wife so thoroughly that her cheeks are stained black by the end.

“Aaron,” she begs, threading her fingers through my hair. “Aaron, please.”

“Please what?” I ask, not lifting my head. I scrape my teeth down her delicate skin and she shivers, moaning.

“Please touch me.”

“Touch you where?” I ask.

“You know where,” she says through her teeth, arching her back when I hit a sensitive spot and trying to press herself into my face. She looks so tantalising. I can barely keep myself away … but this is too fun.

“Why don’t you tell me, needy girl?”

“You said … you said you were going to make love to me until I forgot my own name. And I’m not anywhere close to forgetting.” I pause, then raise my head. Ella’s propped herself up on her elbows so she can look at me. Her cheeks are flushed, and the rise and fall of her chest is visible.

“What is your name, love?” I cock my head, keeping eye contact.

“Ella,” she responds.

“Ella what?”

“Ella Warner,” she says. A smile curves at her lips.

God yes. My name and hers.

“On second thought, I don’t think I ever want you to forget that name,” I whisper.

I lower my head, and lick a long stripe down her centre. She cries out, falling back and clutching at my hair.

“Does that feel good?” I ask between licks.

“Y-y-yes,” she whimpers.

“How good?”

“So good.”

I lap up her wetness, and it’s not long before she’s falling, moaning and trembling, pushing me closer and farther at the same time.

“Aaron,” she pants.

“Yes, love?” I respond. I’m still licking at her, and I think this is what confuses her.

“You can stop now,” she says, whining when I suck that bundle of nerves into my mouth.

“Do you want me to stop?” I ask. I don’t want to stop. She’s delectable.

“N-n-no.”

ELLA

Oh my God. Oh my God.

It feels too good. Aaron’s never touched me this long, past one orgasm and—oh—into another.

I feel so tender. Every kiss, lick, makes me feel ready to tumble into another orgasm. And he hasn’t even gone inside me yet.

As if he’s able to read my thoughts, Aaron teases my entrance with his finger. I cry out. It slips in too easily—I’m so wet, slick with warm, wet, desire. Then he hooks his finger and—I don’t feel entirely human anymore. But Aaron’s the one with the angelic capabilities.

“Hold still, love,” he mutters.

“I—I can’t,” I nearly scream. I’m writhing against him, pulling him close and pushing him away in the same moment.

He thrusts his fingers in and out of me at a punishing pace. Maybe he’s hoping the promise of more will calm me down. Or maybe he just likes to see me struggle.

“Stop moving,” he says distractedly. I can only moan in response. This feeling is … too, too good.

With a sigh, he throws his free arm over my stomach, effectively pinning me down to the bed. And now, I’m not chasing an orgasm, it’s chasing me. Now the struggle is even greater. I can’t move away from Aaron’s hungry mouth, so I’m forced to bear a unique kind of agony.

“Aaron!” I yell, praying to God that no one is walking outside our home right now. It’s a pretty house, but the walls are way too thin.

Apparently Aaron has the same thought, because he pulls away for a moment, mercifully allowing me to gulp down breaths of air as I tremble. “Quiet, love. You wouldn’t want your friends to figure out what's going on inside, right?”

“I’m s-sure they all know anyway,” I pant. “We left the wedding to lock ourselves up in our house. You do know this is a tradition, right?”

“Oh, of course. What I mean is, you wouldn’t want them to hear you screaming my name, love. Isn’t that right?”

All I can do is close my eyes. I’m propped up on my elbows, still attempting to catch my breath.

AARON

Her cheeks are pink; her breathing is heavy. And she just looks so beautiful like this—without a care in the world. Sometimes she’s shy in times like this, not wanting me to see her fully exposed. But now—maybe it’s the fact that her eyes are squeezed shut, or maybe she’s too exhausted to care—she doesn’t seem to mind. And I love that—how comfortable she is in my presence.

I meant it when I told her I wanted to be her best friend. And maybe she’d rather do … God, I don’t know, best-friend activities with Kishimoto. But the knowledge that I’m the only one who’s seen her like this, and I’m the only one that ever will—that makes something inside of me feel absolutely lovely.

“Aaron,” Ella sighs, and I’m not sure whether she’s savouring my name, or if she just has a question for me. I wouldn’t mind either one.

“Yes, love?” I lie down beside her, propping my head up with my hand.

After a breath from her side, she says, “You’re wearing too many clothes.”

Instantly, I'm impossibly hard. Again. Fortunately for Ella, I don’t mind in the slightest.

“And I suppose you want me to do something about that?” I ask with a smirk.

She flops down onto her back, cracking an eye open. “Yes. Please.”

I pause for a moment. Cock my head. “I think you should be the one to do something about it.” Heavy silence fills the air.

Then she’s on top of me in a second, her hands braced on my chest, and I’m wondering what I ever did to deserve this bliss.

“If you insist,” she says in a sultry tone.

I’d taken off my suit jacket and shoes a while ago, and a small part of my brain is scolding me for letting them become wrinkled on the bedroom floor. I shut that part out of my brain. That’s not what I should be worrying about right now.

“Well?” I prompt her.

She begins to unbutton the starchy white shirt, making sure to take her time. She’s straddling me, yes, but not in the way I want her to be. As she reaches the last button, I rise to let her pull off the shirt. We toss it in a vague direction, probably somewhere close to the mostly forgotten suit jacket.

Then she begins to pull down my trousers, and I fear I’m already too far gone. I should be giving her my full, undivided attention, but all I can think about at the moment is the way her nails gently scrape over my hips bones, over the tattoo that’s slowly becoming visible, the farther she pulls my trousers down. Ella kisses me, right above the waistband of my boxers, and I inhale sharply. Her fingers hook under my waistband, grazing the sensitive skin there.

She pulls down the shorts, exposing me. I stand, pulling her up with me. And then I flip her around so her back is to the bed. I lay her down against the pillows and take a moment just to look at her.

A single black line drips from the corner of her eye—less than half an inch, I’d guess. But progress, still. Her hair is tousled, perfectly curled in one spot and pin-straight in another. Her face and neck are splattered with pink. And she’s never looked more beautiful.

I tell her as much, and she gives me a gorgeous, sleepy smile. “You too.”

Moments later, I’m positioning myself at her warm, wet, tight entrance. I look to her, waiting for her approval. She gives me a nod, a little sound of pleasure slipping out from between her lips. Determined to get her to make that sound again, I begin to push inside.

ELLA

I’m convinced I’ve lived, died, and gone to heaven in a matter of seconds, because nothing, nothing has ever felt so good. Seeing Aaron above me, eyes squeezed shut and fisting the sheets in her hands—it’s almost a religious experience.

I gasp as he hits a spot inside me that makes black dots sparkle in the corners of my vision.

“Oh my God,” I whimper.

“That’s it, huh, love?” he murmurs. “Tell me how good it feels.”

“So good,” I choke out, squirming as he pushes in further, then bottoms out, causing both of us to groan at the feeling. He’s so deep inside me.

“You like that? Me inside you?”

I claw at his shoulders, silently begging him to move.

“Answer the question, love.” He’s acting so nonchalant, but I can see the tightness in his jaw, the way his eyes fall shut as I adjust around him.

“Aaron,” I whimper.

“Come on, Ella. Don’t tell me you’ve lost your ability to speak.”

Frustrated, I tell him, “If I r-really wasn’t able to speak, I wouldn’t be telling you right n-now.”

“Still got some sass in you? Think I can fuck it right out?” I meet his eyes, surprised at the way he just tossed out the word. His vocabulary is usually so clean, so proper. But this … this dirty-talk … it’s doing something to me.

“Please,” I beg. “I like it so much. I love it.”

He groans and rolls his hips into mine. I nearly choke as he starts to finally move—slowly, at first, then growing steadily faster. He pins my wrist to the bed, threading his fingers through mine. It’s intimate, and it’s dirty, and I love it. I would tell him again, but I don’t trust my mouth anymore.

My orgasm rises up in me, more quickly than I’d thought.

“Aaron,” I whine, by way of warning.

“Close already? You going to come for me, my love?” He clicks his tongue. “Should I stop?”

“Y-you know the answer t-to that,” I grit out. He increases his pace, hitting that god-forsaken spot inside of me every single time.

I climb to the peak, to the light, to that feeling of ecstasy I know awaits me at the top. My legs tighten around his waist, and I clench around him. Then, with a cry of pleasure, I’m falling, falling, falling into bliss.

I barely hear his next words. “God, love, I’m not going to last.”

He thrusts into me, growing sloppy. I’m still riding the waves of my orgasm, pulsing around him in time to his thrusts.

He groans into my neck, then presses his lips there. He trails them up to my mouth, sealing our lips together in a searing kiss. I moan into his mouth, my legs shaking. The pleasure is too much, too good. Then I’m squeezing my eyes shut, nearly sobbing, as my final orgasm hits me like a tidal wave. Sometime during then, Aaron shudders to a stop, filling me with his release.

I’m panting, my heart racing. My head falls back against the pillows and he slips out of me. Moments later, he’s back, pressing a warm washcloth to me. He cleans me up; presses a kiss to my temple.

“Are you awake?” he murmurs, his voice gentle. I nod. He chuckles and I open my eyes.

“What is it?” I ask. I can see both his dimples, he’s smiling so hard.

“Nothing. Just—Your cheeks. The mascara.” I put two and two together, and sigh.

“It’s running, isn’t it?” I rub at my eyes, trying to wipe the mascara away.

Aaron’s still smiling as he crawls under the covers with me and presses my body to his.

“Good night, my love.”

“Good night,” I say sleepily, and he turns out the light.

AARON

It looks like I was able to keep my promise, after all.

Tagging: @we-were-born-to-be-free @shattermelyhfmlblog @thestrangeblob + anyone else who wanted to be tagged

#ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #aaron warner #warnette #writeblr #writers on tumblr #juliette ferrars #ella sommers #aaron x ella #kinktober 2024

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buckgasms · 5 months ago

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Elskan Mìn - VII

Guys?!!? I actually updated this story again! I'm so pleased! Next part is the last part (and actually the whole reason for me writing this flipping story) so that's exciting!

Anyway thanks for sticking with me and I hope you have enjoyed the story.

You sat in a tent once again, but this one was a lot less comfortable than the ones you had been used to the past few days.

Bucky had saved you from the mob, calmed them down and hauled you away. He said nothing to you, but lead you back to this damp, dank area of the camp. He walked you inside, gave you a hard, searching stare then left without saying a word.

You fell to the floor and sobbed. Your energy entirely drained, your heart breaking as he walked away from you. He was supposed to be different, this was supposed to be a new life. But you had ended up where you always did. Alone and hurt.

Natasha came to see you a few hours later. She pulled you into a tight embrace as you pleaded with her.

"Natasha I swear, I swear on my life I would never betray Bucky. My father...oh if he only understood..."

She hushed you and gripped your shoulders. "I believe you, it's ok. But he's...he's been here before..."

You blinked watery eyes at her, begging for more, anything that might help you. Eventually she sighed.

"Years ago, he had a great love. This girl was sweet, but not that nice sweet like you... It was fake, phony. Anyway, Bucky was head over heels, gave her everything, made all the right promises. He thought he was set, found the girl of his dreams, but then..."

Her face filled with pain as she recalled the story. "Turns out she was a spy. There was a war, it was all in our favour and Bucky was confident we would be victorious. But it turns out she had been sharing our strategies, movements of our fighters and all our weaknesses."

You gasped, imagining the betrayal he must have felt, and how he must be feeling now. "Natasha, what happened?"

"We survived, by the skin of our teeth, but we lost a lot of warriors. Families were ripped apart and it took years to regain the trust of our people. And Bucky...his heart was broken."

A tear slipped down your cheek and you listened. "Oh god. This is a nightmare. He's never going to believe me. My father must have known his history..."

Natasha smiled, "Bucky wasn't planning on marrying for love. But I think you took him by surprise..."

You sat in silence for a moment, the weight of Natasha's words pressing heavily on your heart. "What am I going to do?" You said after a while. Would he believe you? Or would you be joining your father in a similar fate?

🗡️

After Natasha's visit you were determined to save your neck, and if you were lucky, your marriage. You hadn't expected to love Bucky so fast, to completely, but you did. You needed him to protect you, to love you and to build a life with.

Everytime someone came by with food or water you demanded to see him but he never showed. They either looked at you with disappointed scowls or shrugs of indifference.

You decided to go drastic, you refused the food, shouted and yelled when anyone walked by. You wouldn't go quietly into this rejection. You were going to fight.

Finally Steve appeared, looking tired and fed up. As soon as he came he into the tent you demanded to see Bucky and he held up his hand in defeat. "Yes, yes just calm down. He's going to see you in the morning."

"No. I want to see him now. I can't sit here waiting for him to build a whole story about this and not defend myself. I want... I need to see him now. Please Steve..."

He sighed again, but shook his head. "You have to wait, but listen, he told me to move you somewhere better. So take that as a good sign right? Maybe he's not so sure about everything yet..."

You scowled. You felt sorry for Steve but he was standing in the way and there was no way to defeat him.

"Don't look at me like that. It's either wait or... Well that's it. Eat something, get some sleep and tomorrow it won't look so bad."

You wondered if you could tackle this gentle giant in front of you, but after a moment considered not. You nodded and let him take you back to the little tent you had on your first evening.

"See you tomorrow..." He said before leaving you alone to wait for Bucky to call for you.

🗡️

At mid-morning you were led to the square. The site of your marriage, your father's death and betrayal. It was a little overwhelming to say the least. The crowd hushed as you walked by, you scanned for a friendly face, but no one really stood out. You bowed your head, preferring to avoid their disappointment.

Bucky was seated on the platform with Steve and Natasha. You focused solely on Bucky, your eyes desperately trying to meet his.

He silenced the crowd and spoke mostly to them and not to you. "The queen has a chance to defend herself against the allegations, let's hear what she has to say." He finally looked at you, his face was stony, but you could see a flash of pain there too.

You approached the platform, and as strong as you wanted to be your voice wobbled, your chest felt so tight. Would you be able to convince him? Your wrung your hands and struggled to swallow as the crowd waited with bated breath.

"I.... I know what you must think of me. My family, my father. They weren't good people. And how could I be a good person being raised by people like that?"

You inhaled slowly, to steady yourself.

"But I am not, have never been like them. In fact it was something they reminded me of daily. How I was weak and pathetic. How my life was a waste. That I would never be of any value of use."

Bucky's jaw twitched, his eyes slightly narrowed as if it hurt to hear you speak like this. Your tears fell freely down your cheeks but you continued.

"The only time I was considered a part of his plan was this marriage. I didn't want to be married to a man I'd never met. He didn't care what I wanted or needed. He just wanted to make his kingdom stronger."

The crowd murmured in support. They had seen your father's behaviour and seen how nervous you had been on your arrival.

"My father betrayed me as his final act of cruelty. There have too many to name but if it satisfies your anger I can tell you. Beatings, starvation, hours spent in cold empty rooms, foul names and fouler tempers..."

More tuts of dismay and you noted Natasha wipe her cheek subtly, but you pressed on. Desperate to reach Bucky's heart.

"I didn't think this would be a marriage of love. I admit that. Nor did I think that I would meet a man who made me feel safe and loved for the first time in my life... But I did. I love you. And I swear I would never betray you."

You fell to your knees, the exhaustion of your grief washing over you like a tidal wave.

"Why would I ruin my one chance of love and happiness with you, for a father who would happily have seen me dead?"

Bucky rose from his seat and walked to you, dropping to his knees, taking your cold hands in his. His face was stained with pain and sadness.

"Bucky I know you've been hurt. I can't imagine how awful that must have been for you. But don't throw this away, us away, based on the words of a bitter old man..."

His hands left yours to cup your cheeks, his thumbs wiping away tears. You whispered his name and ran your fingers across his beard, wiping away stray tears from his face.

"My queen...hush my darling...I'm sorry...I was a fool...I'm so sorry."

You finally broke down sobbing as he held you tight, the crowd cheering in delight as the two of you shared a kiss before he helped you to your feet.

"Go back to your homes, we depart tomorrow" he turns to you and presses a kiss to your nose, "we are going home."

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #elskan min #viking!bucky #viking au

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thatfreshi · 1 year ago

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"Tough Crowd" (Uni AU P. 1)

Really embracing the catty queerness of these fuckers LMAO. Anyways, here's our little intro to Ravenguard Univeristy and Tav's living situation :)

Tw - mention of alcohol

@justporo (If you want me to tag you in part two, leave a comment!)

It's finally move-in day. After getting your Associate's degree at some small-town community college, you finally transferred to Ravenguard University, probably through sheer luck. Perhaps someone dropped out of the waitlist, but you're here now, moving into the place that'll be your home for the upcoming semesters. Soon enough you're asked for your name, and given the key to your room, quickly being ushered to the elevators. The volunteering students are clearly stressed by all the newcomers, so you don't exactly blame them for seeming impersonal.

You read your key, which has deemed you to be in room 717. Sneaking your way over to the floor buttons, you lightly tap 7, and place yourself in one of the empty corners of the elevator. After dropping off a few strangers on lower floors, you finally get to your destination, and find your dorm room shortly after. When you unlock the door, you immediately hear arguing.

"I need the room with the desk! I have far too many exams to study for. Besides, you don't seem like the studying type anyways."

Two women are yelling at each other, one with jet-black hair and the other with piercing eyes and an intimidating demeanor.

"We're all here to study fool."

"Well, as far as I know, you don't want to be a doctor. Besides, aren't you just here as an athlete? Or, my bad, were here as an athlete?"

At this point the ginger is fuming, fists clenched, but simply takes the room they were arguing over and slams the door, locking it immediately. The med student slams her fist on the door.

"Just wait til I tell the RA about this Lae'zel!"

She sighs, clearly still trying to let go of her anger. When she turns from the closed door, she finally realizes you're standing there.

"Sorry about that. Roommate problems, am I right?"

The pale woman nervously chuckles. Dressed in all black, she looks ready for a funeral, well if funerals were comfy and full of college students.

"Uh, yeah. Please don't tell me you're going to be arguing like this every night."

"Well, her and I don't particularly get along. I'm surprised housing even let us be in the same room after how many issues we've had. Though I'm sure I'll learn to tolerate her better in our living situation."

The woman ponders the thought for a moment, and then her eyes light up.

"I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Shadowheart, and yes my parents are hippies. Most people call me Shadow since it's less cringe."

"Well, nice to meet you. Please tell me there's a room I can snag that you aren't fighting about."

"Oh, go down the hall and to the right. That one has a bigger wardrobe, but Lae and I both really wanted the desk."

Your phone vibrates, with a notification from some online magazine.

'Szarr: The Seven Models Behind the Magic'

"Why has this man been doing so many interviews?"

Shadowheart's ears perk up.

"You know Szarr, that fashion guy right? He's been all over the news, I cannot escape it."

"Oh. You may want to be careful how you talk about him. One of his precious prodigies goes here. Kind of a bitch honestly."

She makes a fake throw-up noise, rolling her eyes.

"Wait. One of his models goes here? I assumed they were all full-time."

"He's full-time alright. I've never seen Astarion pause for anything other than himself. Anyways, I suppose I need to unpack my things IN THE ROOM WITHOUT A DESK."

Shadowheart yells the last part loud enough for Lae'zel to hear, which coerces a groan from her behind the locked door. And just like that, she's locked away in her own room, leaving you with the room at the end of the hall. At least it has the nice wardrobe? You put on some music and start to unpack all your bags, soaking in the space. It leaves some to be desired, but you're excited nonetheless. You're woken from the trance however when there's a very loud knock at your dorm door. You wait for a moment, hoping one of the other two will get it, but the knocking simply continues obnoxiously. Making your way to the front door with a scowl on your face, you throw it open.

"Floor meeting in thirty minutes. If you or any of your roommates are late, I'll kill you."

You're met with the topic of your previous conversation: Astarion. While you aren't necessarily into fashion, you've seen so much about this guy as of recent, mostly from people thirsting on Twitter. You almost laugh, knowing Shadowheart will be pissed when she hears that he's the RA for their floor. He doesn't wait for you to respond and simply walks down to the next room. After closing the door, you call for your new gossipy friend.

"Oh Shadow, I have wonderful news!"

She opens her door and leans in the frame.

"Please tell me I heard that voice wrong."

"Nope. I guess if you want to complain about Lae'zel, you'll have to see your favorite person!"

She lets out a heavy sigh.

"Fine. I guess I'll just deal with her. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't."

You knock on Lae'zel's door to tell her about the meeting, but you're simply met with a yell of 'I know!'

"Geez, tough crowd."

"She's the toughest crowd you'll meet. Don't ever try to impress her, you'll die trying."

Shadowheart gives you this slice of advice while putting her hair in a black claw clip.

The next thirty minutes pass by quickly as you decorate the walls of your room. Posters, little pieces of art, pictures of friends from home. When you leave the room to go to the floor meeting, you're met with the overlapping voices of everyone from floor seven, clearly annoyed that they have to be here. You and Shadowheart sit on a couch in the common area, and Lae'zel stands off to the side.

"Okay, I'm going to make this quick."

The room gets quiet quickly as Astarion speaks up, pushing his shades down his nose slightly so he can make intense eye contact with anyone who interrupts him.

"I'm your RA for the year. No, I will not answer your calls. If I'm sleeping, you better not wake me up. I do not care if you have an air fryer in your room, but if you burn down the university I will be pissed. To make it entirely clear, I'm only doing this to make a little extra cash, so do not expect me to be, how do you say... present."

The room is silent, both pleased that he doesn't seem to care and entirely annoyed by his attitude.

"Any questions?"

Once again, no one speaks.

"Great! If you truly need something, I would suggest you go to the RA on floor eight, my wonderful friend Gale, as he actually cares about the well-being of strangers. Good day!"

The large group mutters as they all make their way back to their rooms. Shadowheart turns to whisper to you.

"Oh Gale fucking hates him, and I guarantee you he didn't sign off on being the RA of two floors. Can't wait to see that catfight."

You laugh at her comment, not noticing the white-haired man approaching the two of you.

"Shadowheart."

"Astarion."

"Who's your new friend?"

She then realizes she never actually asked your name.

"Tav. It's Tav."

Astarion makes a noise that lies somewhere between a laugh and a scoff.

"Fascinating. Well Tav, how would you like to be my plus-one to a party tonight? I would ask our emo queen here, but I'm sure she has some sulking and studying to do already."

"And I thought you'd be selling out on another Instagram post, but I guess you just really love bothering people. Have fun though, if you even know how to do that."

And with that comment. Shadowheart is back off to her room, most likely to sulk and study like Astarion said.

"Ugh, don't mind her. She just doesn't understand the hustle. Anyways, Tav was it? You seem like just the kind of person I'd love to silently drink champagne with."

You're silent for a moment, unsure if he really is as bad as Shadowheart makes him out to be.

"The champagne is free by the way."

What better way to sell a broke college student on a night out?

"Alright, guess I'm in."

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #au #shadowheart #lae'zel #astarion #gale of waterdeep #freshiau

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dreambender96 · 2 years ago

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Took You a While

Aesop Sharp x professor!reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: 18+, explicit sexual content, angst, fluff, MDNI

Summary: Aesop Sharp is bad at expressing his feelings and students can be little pricks.

A/N: This is my first fic ever, so please be gentle with me 🥺

As the leaves fall off the trees surrounding Hogwarts and the grounds, I find myself thinking back fondly on my time as a professor so far. My five years at Hogwarts as the Muggle Studies Professor have been immensely enjoyable. I have learned as much from the students as they have from me. The importance of knowing how to interact with muggles and understanding their technology could help prevent mishaps in the future. Over the years I have developed a comfortable relationship with the grumpy potion’s professor. Many lunches and after class tea dates between the two of us have established his classroom as a place of comfort for me. He always has a cup of tea ready for me and smiles each day I walk into his room. Just thinking about it makes me blush. We have both spent many years studying muggle medicine in hopes of finding a cure for Aesop’s leg. Though we hadn’t made any progress, the two of us had only grown closer with each try.

The fall wind had begun picking up as I sat lost in thought, clearly distracted from finishing my lesson plans for the week. I heard a shuffle and looked up to see Aesop standing nonchalantly in the doorway.

“Good morning.” He says with a smile. “Do you have a minute? I need your thoughts on something I am working on.”

“Of course!” I returned his smile and put down my quill.

“Well, I’m working on a potion. It’s a love potion. It is supposed to make someone fall in love with the maker.”

“Isn’t that just Amortentia?” I stand up and walk over towards him, clearly confused as to why he would be making a new love potion.

“Not quite. This potion does not cause addiction or withdrawal symptoms like Amortentia. However, it is an extremely potent aphrodisiac.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “And how would you like me to help with this?”

“I was hoping you could test the effects of the potion on yourself. Just one sip will do.” Aesop says in a completely calm and nonchalant manner. My mouth drops open and I stare at him dumbfounded.

“That…That’s a little inappropriate, don’t you think?” My voice shakes a little as I speak. He pushes off the door frame and walks further into the room.

“Why wouldn’t you want to try the potion?”

“Because you just said It makes you fall in love with someone!” I shout unable to hide how shocked I am at having this conversation.

“Well, what if I drank it?” He frowns at me.

“Wouldn’t you just fall in love with yourself?” I let out a loud sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Aesop, if you wanted to ask me out on a date, you could have just asked.” I giggle at his flustered expression. I can’t believe I just said that.

“Well, I didn’t know if you thought of me like that.” He shuffled uncomfortably and I wondered where all his normal confidence went today, this didn’t seem like normal Aesop.

“You seem awfully forward today.” I question him hoping he will tell me it’s a joke or have a good explanation.

“I am feeling pretty excited right now. The potion really does make me feel alive.” I gasped at him.

“You took it already?”

“No! I mean yes, but not that much, it is still brewing.”

“Damn it, Sharp!” I grabbed his arm and dragged him out of my office and towards his classroom. “Why would try a new potion alone without knowing what could happen?” His behavior is concerning me, he isn’t being careful at all and certainly not acting like himself.

He mumbles at me like a child begin punished. “Oh, don’t get mad at me. The potion made me forget everything except how much I like you.” My cheeks heat up and turn red and I do my best to hide my face from him as we enter his classroom and I start looking around for something to stop the potion.

“No, you don’t. You’re just saying that because you drank that stupid potion.” I huffed at him over my shoulder.

“You’re wrong. This isn’t just the potion. We’ve been friends for years and I know what I want.” I turn harshly to face him and speak in a stern tone.

“Aesop Sharp, if you really care for me then you will confess your feelings without a love potion.”

“But I can’t help myself, I do care for you. If we spend some more time together…maybe, we could fall in love.” His voice is steady, but it just doesn’t sound like him. I shake my head and drag him into his small office and sit him down in his chair.

“How long do the effects of the potion last?”

“About an hour or so.” He says staring up at me like a lovesick student.” I groan.

“And when did you take the potion?”

“About 15 minutes ago.”

“Alright, then you’re going to stay there for the next hour, and I’ll be back to let you out.” I slam the door to his office and lock it. My heart is racing, and my mind is going crazy. Does he really feel that way? I suppose I have been feeling that way for a few years now. I shake my and tidy up the room. No, it’s just the stupid potion, I’m sure once he’s clear headed he’ll explain all of this. I continue to fumble around his classroom looking at his notes, waiting for an hour to pass. I hear the clock tower chime and let out a sigh. I walk over to his office door and open it up. Aesop walks out of his office past me like nothing even happened.

“So, are you feeling any better?” I ask gently.

“Yes. Thank you for being patient with me. I suppose there could have been better ways to tell you how I feel.” He says, turning to face me. I gasp, feeling a little overwhelmed.

“Do you remember everything you said to me?” His face turns a light shade of pink.

“Yes, I remember everything I said. I’m sorry if I came off too strong.” He starts walking towards me reaching out to grab my hands in his. My face lights up with heat again and I take a step back.

“Oh! I… I didn’t know you felt so strongly about me.”

“Why would you think otherwise?” He chuckles.

“Because you don’t show your emotions well, Aesop.”

“Maybe I should change that” he says letting out another chuckle. I enjoy the sound, but it doesn’t feel right, something is still off about him. I start to feel suddenly very hot and overwhelmed with emotions.

“I think I need some time to think this over.” I rush out of his classroom and back to my desk, leaving Aesop standing there with a silly smile on his face. I started to pace around my office. This isn’t him. Maybe it’s the lingering affects of the potion? He hardly laughs. My thoughts are racing when I hear a knock at my door.

“Can I come in.” It’s Aesop, of course its Aesop.

“When I said I needed some time, I didn’t mean five minutes.” I shout at him through the door when he casually opens it and walks inside. I shoot him a glare. He chuckles again.

“I’m sorry I just can’t help myself with you.” He chuckles and walks towards me.

“What in Merlin’s name has gotten into you today?”

He shrugs and sits at my desk, on my chair. “I’m just being honest.”

“There has to be a spell on you or something, this is not how you act!”

“Maybe there is.” He smiles at me mischievously. “I wouldn’t tell you about it now, would I?” My mouth falls open again.

“Who have you interacted with today?” I start interrogating him and he blushes at my aggression.

“I answered some students questions earlier today, they were working on homework.”

“Who!” I give him my best teachers glare, treating him like a child.

“Just some six years.” He mumbles.

“And they didn’t cast anything? Mumble any spells?”

“No!” He stands up quickly not even wincing in pain at his leg, which certainly informs me he is under a spell.

“Take me to them, right now.” He grumbles and starts walking towards the transfiguration courtyard. Mumbling under his breath the entire time about how it’s no big deal and I’m overreacting. We reach a group of students whispering and giggling to each other as they see Sharp enter the courtyard. I stomp towards then.

“Are you students that spoke with Professor Sharp today?”

“Yes. Is something wrong?” They ask innocently but the young man who spoke had a slight quiver in his voice.

“Did you cast a love charm on him?” I say, my stare uncompromising. They share nervous glances and one of them speaks up.

“No. No of course not.”

“I will give you ten seconds to tell me the truth or I am taking all of you to the headmaster’s office right now.” They look at each other nervously as I start to count down from ten. I hit eight and they all started talking at once telling me what happened. I listen intently and shake my head.

“Of all the stupid things to do. Keep your pranks to yourselves or next time I will have all of you expelled!” They gasped in shock and started pleading with me. “Remove the charm right now.” The young redhead mumbles under his breath and walks over to Sharp, releasing the love charm he placed on him. Sharp takes a moment to collect his thoughts and then looks down at the student. His brown eyes are filled with fury.

“All of you leave now, I will discuss your punishment later.” They scramble away as fast as they can as I slowly walk over to Sharp.

“Please tell me you are feeling like yourself again.” He grumbles and nods.

“Would you…I mean…do you need some time to think?” I ask uncomfortably and I feel myself blushing again.

“No. I don’t want to go through all this again. I’d like to discuss this with you now.” His eyes lock with mine and there is so much emotion locked up in them. Embarrassment, fear, and longing. I gave him a nod and we walked back inside the castle. He heads towards the faculty tower and towards his chambers. We typically have our teatime in front of his fireplace, enjoying a little gossip about students. I walk into his room, the feeling in the air is much different than our normal carefree meetings here. I head towards my normal chair and plop down into it. He walks up towards the fire and stands next to me, putting his hand on the back of my chair.

“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt…” I ask shyly, staring into the flames wishing they would swallow me whole.

“It was embarrassing and shameful.” He speaks coldly.

“Shameful?” I asked in shock. He feels shame about caring for me. That’s so cruel. I started to feel angry and turned to look at him.

“That’s part of it, however there were other reasons too.” I try to hold back my anger at his comments and listen to what he says.

“I’m a crippled old man, Y/N. I can hardly walk without proper assistant and pain potions. I can offer you no future outside of Hogwarts, you deserve better than me.” I cut him off by standing up and staring directly into his eyes, our faces are awfully close together.

“Aesop, we have been friends for years, when have I ever complained about your limp?” I put my hands on my hips to emphasize my point. His eyes dart from the fire to my hips and then into my eyes. There is more longing in them now than fear. Why can’t he just accept that someone can love him, that I love him.

“Please don’t think badly of me…” I can’t help a tear that runs down my face as I’m overwhelmed with my emotions. He reaches up to wipe it away. I grab onto his arm, gripping his sleeve harshly.

I grab onto his arm, gripping his sleeve harshly. “I’ve loved you for years, but you kept pushing me away.”

He grabs both of my hands in his and whispers, “I’m sorry.”.

I look down at our hands and gently pull mine away. “I think I need some time alone.” I walk out of his room and gently close the door behind me. Aesop watches me walk out of the room but doesn’t say a word. I spent the entire night thinking about what he said and trying to figure out my feelings. Why did he wait so long to tell me! Every year there was a new excuse, a new reason to avoid his feelings. I ask myself so many questions about the situation that I eventually fall asleep. The next week passes quickly, and I avoid Aesop as much as possible. I just was not ready to face this situation. When Friday rolls around and I have successfully avoided seeing him, I pack up my things ready to spend my weekend alone. I place the last book in my bag and hear his familiar shuffle. I look up to see him standing once again in my doorway.

“Do you want to talk?” he asks gently.

I leaned back against my desk and put my bag on the floor. “I guess.”

He takes a couple steps forward, testing the water.

“So, how was your weekend?” He asks, looking at the ground between us.

I stared up at him and raised my eyebrows. “You’re going to ask me about my weekend?”

“Yes...” he says quietly, taking a few more steps towards me.

“It was alright, I had a lot to think about.” I say staring at the ground, wanting to avoid this conversation. He doesn’t say anything as he takes a few more steps, ending up right in front of me. I can feel his stare on the top of my head.

“What did you think about?”

“You.” I whisper.

“I can’t stop think about you either.” He whispers back.

I don’t speak. I just continue to stare down at the floor.

“Look at me please.” He breathes out. His voice is thick with fear and need. I slowly look up and catch his gaze.

“I love you.” I gasped at him and pushed myself off the desk. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he grabs my waist. He pulls me even closer to him and leans down to whisper in my ear.

“I’ve never felt this way before.” He pulls back and stares down at me. I trace one of my fingers gently over his scar, and cup his cheek.

“I love you too.” A smile creeps onto his lips and he squeezes my hips ever so gently.

“You’re so beautiful.” I giggle at him, “Oh just kiss me already.” He leans down and captures my lips in a gentle but passionate kiss. I can feel all the pent up emotions, all the years of hidden feelings. He’s not just giving me a kiss; he’s fully conquering my lips. Clearly desperate to make up for lost time. I reach up and thread my fingers through his hair, returning the kiss with as much passion as I can. He wraps his arms around my waist pressing me harshly against his body. I reach down to grab my wand and flick my wrist, closing the door to my classroom. He pulls back for air, smiling down at me. I chuckle at him and take in how he looks. His hair is a mess, and his lips are red and swollen from our kissing. He chuckles softly and moves his head towards my neck, starting to leave a trail of kisses towards my collarbone. I whimper and start to feel myself heating up, his kisses going directly to my core. He starts caressing my hips and moving his hands down my thighs, slowly bunching up my skirts. I tremble under his movements, and he recaptures my lips, biting at them gently and sliding his tongue into my mouth. I moan into his mouth loudly as he pushes me back up against my desk. He pulls away slightly and whispers, “I don’t think we should continue this here.” He smirks at me, knowing damn well I am now all hot and bothered. I grab his collar and breathe out my command “then take me to your chambers.” He growls and pulls me forward.

We walk through the halls quickly and as nonchalantly as possible. Thank Merlin, it was Friday night, and all the students were out doing who knows what. We make it to his chambers and hurry into the room. The second the door is closed his in on me again, crushing his lips into mine and backing me up towards his bedroom. By the time I come up for air my knees are hitting the bed and he grabs my waist lowering me down gently. I giggle and he crawls up the bed on top of me, looking like a predator about to eat his prey. He gives me a mischievous smile and attacks my neck with his mouth, biting and sucking, leaving all kinds of marks that I know I will have to cover up tomorrow. I tangle my hands in his hair and he grinds his hips against me. I hum in bliss and tug against his shirt. He chuckles and releases my neck, leaning back so he can take off his layers of clothing.

After an excruciatingly long time we are both finally shed of our clothing and seeing each other bare for the first time. I can’t help but blush and squirm under his intense stare.

“You’re so beautiful.” He says in the sweetest tone that nearly melts my heart. I’m blushing profusely taking in his compliment when he suddenly growls and yanks my legs apart. I yelp and look down at him, as he pulls me to the edge of the bed and kneels down in front of my soaking slit. He holds my thighs in a tight grip and starts kissing them, his beard leaving little scratches against my skin. He continues all the way up towards where I’m dying for him to place his mouth. He gets closer and closer and suddenly stops. Breathing hot puffs onto my aching pussy. I hear him chuckle, “you’re so wet for me already, my naughty little witch.” I whine and tangle my hands in his hair, trying to push him forward onto me. He chuckles some more kissing right next to my slit but ignoring it completely. I begin to whine and thrash. His hands on my thighs hold me still as he growls at me, “be still my little witch, or I won’t give you what you want.” I stop moving and bite my lip looking down at him, he is staring at me with his chocolate brown eyes, full of lust and hunger. His lips wrap around my sensitive nub, and he starts sucking and lapping at it. I throw my head back, moaning in pleasure.

He eats my pussy like he’s been starved for years. I am a moaning mess underneath him, and he slowly slides in two fingers. I gasp and let out the most obscene noises, feeling completely full. He starts to suck harder on my click and moves his fingers in a come hither motion, hitting the perfect spot.

“Let go, Y/N. Cum for me.” I lost control at his words and my orgasm hits me hard. I cum all over his face as he removes his fingers, licking up ever last drop. He smirks at me with his beard covered in my slick and crawls up towards me. He suffocates me in another passionate kiss as I feel his tip pressing against my entrance. I moaned into his mouth and pushed his chest back.

“Please, Aesop. I can’t take it anymore, I need you.” I beg. He chuckles and reaches down to line himself up and slowly pushes his cock into me, inch by inch. I grasp his arms and claw into his skin, feeling all of him enter me, stretching me to my max. He slides in easily because of his earlier work. He grabs my legs putting them over his shoulders and begins to pound into me mercilessly. He grunts loudly as I become a moaning puddle, melting into him. I feel so full, so completely in bliss and he thrusts harder and harder hitting the perfect spot every time. The room is filled with the sounds of our moaning and slopping wet noises. Aesop looks down and growls at me. I stared up at him, getting lost in the power of his eyes. “You’re mine.” He growls with a particularly pronounced thrust. I gasped and grabbed his neck, pulling him down towards me. I stare into his eyes and say seductively, “I’m yours”.

His thrusts start to become more erratic as he reaches down and rubs my clit, bringing me close to my climax as well. He grunts and growls into my ear “release for me my little witch, I want to feel you cum around my cock.” Once again, his words take me over the edge and I’m seeing stars. I feel him pound into me harder as my walls squeeze him into his own release. He groans and I feel him release his hot seed deep into me. He gives it a few more thrusts before stopping and resting his forehead against mine. I take a moment to recover from my shattering orgasm and he slowly pulls out of me and lays down on the bed next to me. He turns to face me with a cocky grin on his face. I chuckle and he pulls me to his side, caging me with his arms. I move to wrap my leg around his and feel his seed dripping out of me like water from a broken faucet. I shudder and he places kisses on my forehead.

We lay there in silence for a while as I traced my fingers gently over his chest. Aesop places gentle kisses on my cheek. “That feels nice.” He says in bliss. I giggle and look up at him, “I’m glad you confessed to me today.” He blushes, “well, I have been wanting to confess to you for a while now.” I scoff at him, “well you sure took your time.” He chuckles and holds me tighter, knowing now he will never have to let me go.

“You were worth the wait.”

#aesop sharp #professor sharp #professor aesop sharp #aesop sharp x reader #aesop sharp x you #hogwarts legacy

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yumikk101 · 3 months ago

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Blueprints of the Heart Part 3

Featuring: Kaveh×Reader/rivals to lovers/fluff

Kaveh stood there, staring at you, his expression one of confusion and frustration. "I didn’t mean it like that," he muttered, his voice taut with restraint. "It’s just... I feel like I can’t ever catch a break"

You crossed your arms, giving him a puzzled look. “Catch a break? Kaveh, what’s going on? You’ve been acting strange for days, and now you call me clingy?”

Kaveh let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his temple as though trying to steady himself. “It’s not you. It’s... everything else,” he began, his voice shaky but trying to make sense of his thoughts. "I’m tired of feeling like I’m trapped in this endless cycle"

You softened, your posture relaxing. “What do you mean?”

Kaveh glanced away, clearly torn. “I’ve worked so hard to get where I am—studied, built my name in the Academia, designed masterpieces that even the most renowned architects admire... but all it ever brings me is more debt. Every project I take on, every bit of recognition I get, it’s swallowed by the debt I owe”

Your eyes widened in realization. “Kaveh... I didn’t know it was that bad”

He turned to face you fully, his expression dark with frustration. “Of course you didn’t. I try to hide it, because I’m supposed to be the genius, right? The one who has it all figured out. But the truth is, I’m suffocating. People expect me to be perfect because of who I am, but... it feels like I’m just digging myself into a deeper hole every time I take on more work”

You stepped closer, feeling your heart ache at his vulnerability. “Kaveh, you don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to carry all of this by yourself”

“I’m not asking for sympathy,” he snapped, though there was no heat behind the words, only raw emotion. “But when I see you... when I see how easily people love your work, it just makes me feel... helpless”

The confession hung in the air between you, thick with unspoken truth

You blinked in confusion. “You’re not serious, are you? You think I’m just getting recognition because it’s easy for me?”

Kaveh turned away, his voice strained. “It’s not about that. It’s just... You don’t have to worry about the things I do. You just... are noticed. I’ve been drowning in debt for years, trying to pay off all the costs, trying to survive. People look at my designs and all they see are numbers. They don’t see me”

You felt a pang in your chest as you finally understood. Kaveh’s frustration wasn’t because of you—it was his own overwhelming burden of debt and the constant pressure of being expected to deliver perfection without ever really feeling secure

“I don’t want the attention,” you said quietly, your words laced with empathy. “I didn’t ask for it. But Kaveh... I want you to know I don’t see you as someone who has to live up to anyone’s expectations. You’re a genius, sure. But that doesn’t mean you have to suffer in silence”

His shoulders slumped slightly, the weight of his words hitting him. "It’s not that simple. I wish it were. I... sometimes wonder if I’d ever get a chance to breathe, to have one moment where I don’t have to fight for everything I have"

There was a painful silence before you spoke again. “You’re right. You shouldn’t have to fight alone. But you don’t need to feel like you’re alone in this... not with me"

Kaveh turned toward you fully now, his expression softening. "I don’t want you to think that I’ve been resenting you. It’s not like that. I’ve just been... angry. Angry at myself, mostly. I’ve seen how people appreciate your work, and it gets to me. It makes me question whether I’m doing enough to prove my worth"

His eyes met yours, filled with guilt and vulnerability. "I didn’t want to admit it, but it’s like... seeing you succeed, seeing how easily your work is celebrated, when I can’t even breathe under this debt, it stirs something in me that I don’t know how to control. I’m envious... but it’s not of you. It’s of the situation you have, not of you yourself"

You smiled softly, stepping closer, your voice gentle. “Kaveh, I had no idea. I don’t want you to feel that way. I don’t want anyone to feel like they’re not enough because of a debt they can’t pay off or a situation they can’t control”

Kaveh ran a hand through his hair, looking at you with a mix of relief and hesitation. "I’ve been so caught up in my own frustration that I didn’t realize... I’ve been pushing you away, making you feel like you’ve done something wrong. I never should’ve acted that way"

You reached out, gently placing your hand on his arm. “It’s okay. We all have our moments. What matters is that you don’t have to face it alone”

Kaveh’s expression softened as he took a deep breath. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I’ve been so focused on my struggles that I forgot to be honest with you. About everything”

There was a pause, and you both stood there, the weight of the misunderstanding lifting slowly. Kaveh smiled, a little sheepish, but genuine. “I’m sorry. I’ll figure this out. And I won’t let my issues come between us anymore”

You smiled back, the tension between you easing. “We’ll figure it out together”

#fictional #fictional characters #genshin #genshin characters #genshin fandom #fictional men #genshin fanfic #genshin fluff #genshin x reader #genshin headcanons #kaveh fluff #kaveh genshin impact #kaveh genshin #genshin impact kaveh #genshin kaveh #kaveh

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heavyhitterheaux · 2 years ago

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I'll Always Be Proud of You

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: the day has finally arrived!! (I don't want for anyone to get confused so their close friends and family know about the pregnancy and that will be shown in LYTLM part 3)

Synopsis: Our favorite couple supporting each other at The Grammy's after finding out that they're both nominated

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Part 2 to Grammy Nominated Harlows

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

You were in a peaceful sleep when you suddenly heard Jack's voice. It took you a second to understand what he was saying, but then you realized he was talking to your bump. You didn’t want to interrupt him and waited until he was finished.

"Me and mommy are nominated for multiple Grammy's today and I'm nervous. I think I'm more nervous for her than for myself. I know that I wouldn't be anywhere without her and she believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself and when I wanted to give up. But she saw something in me and wouldn't let me quit. If neither of us walk away with anything tonight, I know I already won. I won because she’s my wife and because I get to be a father to you three. Don't give mommy too much trouble today, okay?"

You fluttered your eyes open when you felt Jack place a light kiss on your bump and your hand immediately went to his curls.

“I didn’t wake you up did I?” Jack asked as he felt your hand in his curls and you immediately shook your head no.

“No, been awake for a few minutes now.”

“Oh, did you…?”

“Yes, I heard you and they are going to have the best daddy in the world. Confirmed, but I knew that already."

“Everything I said was true. Don’t know where I would be without you.”

“Right back at you, big head. I always saw something in you and I knew you were meant for this even if you did doubt yourself from time to time.” You replied as Jack brought you closer to him in order to place a kiss on your forehead.

“I just…. Are you sure you’re up for this? You don’t have to go if you don’t feel comfortable.”

“Of course, I’m going. First, to support you and calm your nerves, second, um Beyonce? And third, all of you need a chaperone. I do not trust any of you. Maybe except 2fo but he likes to steal food so never mind."

“I beg to differ, we are not that bad.”

“Baby, you would lose your head if it wasn’t attached to your body.”

“But, you would always find it for me, right?”

“Exactly my point.” You said while laughing.

“How are you going to hide the little ones? Did Julissa find a dress for you?”

“She found one. It’s pink and it’s a little loose around my stomach so it would be hard, almost impossible to tell if someone's in there. We’ll let everyone know soon, but I like the fact that it’s just the closest people to us for right now. Like I said, I have to keep the stress to a minimum.”

“Still can’t believe that there’s three of them in there.”

“I know, it’s insane. I’m going to be waddling by next month if they keep growing at the rate they are now. I’m already short as it is.”

“You know PG is never going to let you live that down.”

“They will if they want me to cook for them.”

“Good point.”

"You too."

"Wait, now why am I in it?!"

"You're guilty by association. And did you actually go to sleep last night or were you just up worrying about everything like you usually do?”

“I think I fell asleep around 2.”

“I’m worried about you.” You said being completely honest.

“What? Why? I'm not the one carrying three people.”

“So? We’ve been through a lot this past year and I don’t know. I just want you to take time to rest.”

“I will eventually, but I still have to be on my shit. I have you and three more people to think about.”

“Everything will fall into place, just how it’s supposed to, so stop worrying.”

You were now facing the mirror staring at your reflection and trying to decide if the dress had any hint of a bump being under it and sighed.

Julissa did good and you couldn't tell. You didn't know if you were going to any other events in the future, but if you were It would get harder and harder to hide it.

Dani had done your make-up and wanted it to be extra special seeing as this was the first time you were going to the Grammy’s as a nominated artist. You didn’t know whose nerves were worse, you or Jack’s.

However, you tried to keep a brave face on for him. Hoping if he saw you in a relaxed state that he would do the same.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Jack who wrapped his arms around you and kissed your cheek. You didn't even hear him behind you but you relaxed into his embrace as the two of you stood there in a comfortable silence.

“You look gorgeous, mamas. As always.”

“And you look like you just stepped out of an issue of GQ. My husband fine as shit."

“Well, I was on the cover.”

All you did was laugh before sighing before starting to play with Jack’s fingers which were resting on your waist.

“We can back out, just say the word.” Jack whispered in your ear as he hugged you tighter.

“No, baby. We’re going. You worked your ass off last year and you deserve to be celebrated.”

“And you do too, best new artist.”

“STOPPPPP!”

“You are definitely taking that one.”

“Even if I don’t, I still won. Just like you said earlier, I have you so I’ve been in the winner’s circle for almost eleven….holy shit…. Almost eleven years now.”

“Damn, we’re getting old.”

“Correction, you might be getting old, but I’m aging gracefully and I’ll probably be 50 looking like I’m 35. Black don’t crack, baby.”

“So I’ve heard.”

The two of you met everyone else downstairs in the lobby of the hotel and just about everyone’s jaw dropped when their eyes landed on you.

“Jack, your wife makes you look good.” 2fo said while grabbing your hand and you did a twirl so everyone could see your dress.

“He doesn’t need me to make him look good, I just make him look better.” You said while winking at him.

“You look so pretty lil bit!” Dani said while coming over to hug you.

“Am I the only person that can see you are legit actually glowing? I never understood what people would be talking about before, but…. I get it. You really do look happy and that’s all I want for my best friend.” Urban piped up and your eyes started to water.

“URBY! HORMONES! Please do NOT make me cry!” You said as he brought you into a hug. You were forever grateful that the two of you looked past the mistakes that you had made in your friendship and it was now getting back to how it was before. The two of you really couldn’t live without each other.

“I second this, I spent all that time doing her make-up!” Dani exclaimed while trying to dab at the corner of your eyes with a tissue.

“If she starts, we might not be able to get her to stop.”

“NO CRYING! You can only cry if you win. Then I won’t care.” Dani added while eyeing you.

“Okay so, the Harlow are definitely leaving with a Grammy in their hands tonight.”

“Even if we don’t, we come ten times harder to get one next year.”

“Baby, didn’t you say when we were in high school that you would dedicate your first Grammy to me when you won?” Jack asked while eyeing you.

“If I win for Big Dick Energy then obviously.”

—

All of you were now sitting at your designated table and the show was now underway and you could tell that Jack was still a ball of nerves.

He got upset when a certain comment was made while the two of you were walking the red carpet and he had to stop you from going and giving that photographer a piece of your mind.

When it came to your husband, you would always defend him. He didn't bother anyone and minded his business. So you really didn't understand where the hate would be coming from. You simply squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek and he looked over to smile at you.

You knew that Bad Bunny would be opening the show and you took this as an opportunity to get your husband to relax even if it was only for a few minutes.

The two of you stayed listening to his music.

“Baby, come here.” You said while getting up and holding out your hand to him.

“What’s going on?” Jack asked, looking confused.

One of Bad Bunny's dancers was motioning for Jack to get up and dance when she saw that he needed a little bit of encouragement and of course Urban had his phone out ready to record and Dani nudged him to take your hand.

“You need to stop being on edge, so this will at least distract you for a little while. Besides, you haven’t danced with me in a while and that needs to change. I've missed dancing with my husband."

"You know that I can never tell you no." Jack replied as he took your hand.

You noticed that Jack had now gotten the biggest smile on his face and finally began to relax.

Soon, everyone at the table joined in along with Lizzo, H.E.R., and Taylor Swift.

"AYE! AYE! AYE!" You heard 2fo scream and he designated himself the hype man for the night.

Jack had already learned earlier in the day that he had lost 2 out of 3 of the awards that he was nominated for, so of course that didn't help his mood.

You at least got him to smile for a few minutes and that was the most he had smiled in weeks.

Cardi had now hit the stage to present the last award that Jack was nominated for that night and he immediately grabbed your hand and squeezed it. You then leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"No matter what, I'll always be proud of you. That's never going to change. Not just proud of the artist that you are, but you as a person. I thank God every day for sending me the most amazing husband that I could ever ask for."

"Baby, your hormones are out of wack and mine are about to be too. Not you making me tear up." Jack said and you let out a small laugh before kissing his cheek.

"We're in this together. Always."

Your heart dropped as you heard Kendrick Lamar's name and just squeezed Jack's hand tighter. You knew how hard he worked for this and you didn't want to look at him at the moment. The thought of him being upset, which you knew would be all over his facial expression.

"Still proud of you smush." You whispered and Jack placed a quick kiss on your lips which led to Urban yelling.

"AHT AHT! Spare our eyes and save it for later."

"Such a hater, Urby."

Since the triplets were doing jumping Jacks on your bladder, Dani had gone with you to the bathroom and to help you touch up your make-up.

"Seeing Jack’s face broke my heart." Dani said as you were washing your hands.

"Mine too. But we all know how talented he is and I tell him every day. This just gives him more motivation. I know he's going to get one. This is only the beginning of his career."

As you finished drying your hands, your phone went off and it was Jack calling you.

"Yeah, babe?"

"BABY! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! YOU JUST WON BEST NEW ARTIST!"

"WHAAAATTTTTT!?"

"COME ON!"

Dani immediately grabbed your hand and the two of you ran at lightning speed back to the auditorium where the awards were taking place.

"There she is!" You heard Olivia Rodrigo say. Dani went and sat back at the table as you embraced Jack.

"So fucking proud of you. Get up there and get your grammy."

Jack helped you up the steps and you hugged Olivia before taking your award from her and stepping up to the mic.

"Is this…? Is this real life?! I can't even right now. And of course I would have to be in the bathroom when they called my name." You said as tears were now rolling down your face.

Looks like Dani did that touch up for nothing.

You heard laughter erupt from the crowd before continuing your speech.

"This means the world to me and I just…. I promised my now husband when we were in high school that we would dedicate our first Grammy Wins to one another, but this one? This is extra special because if it was not for him, Private Garden, and my best friends pushing me I wouldn't be standing in front of you right now. I have the best husband in the world and yall know I'm screaming that to the top of my lungs until the end of time. Thank you DJ Drama for signing me and believing in the little girl from the southside of Atlanta. And my beautiful fans, words cannot even begin to express how much I adore all of you. With that being said, this is only the beginning of many more Grammy wins to come for PG."

"THAT'S MY BABY SISTER!" Dani yelled as you finished your speech and the crowd erupted in applause. Olivia led the both of you backstage and embraced you before congratulating you again.

You then made your way back out to where everyone was and Urban ran to you before picking you up and spinning you around followed by 2fo, Dani, Nemo, and then Jack.

"No one is more deserving of that award than you." He said before kissing the tip of your nose.

"Well it's your award too since I dedicated it to you and besides half of your name is on it. Thank you so much, baby. If you didn't push me, there's no way I would have done it on my own."

"Like I said, I knew there was something special when I was 14 and saw the cute girl with the braids."

"I just thought about something."

"What mamas?"

"What if they don't have a musical bone in their bodies?"

"Then I'm getting a DNA test."

"JACKMAN! CUT THE SHIT!"

Liked by

jackharlow, danivalentine, druski2funny, urbanwyatt, privategarden, djdrama, saweetie, normani, and 3,901,870 others

y/ninsta: Y/N Y/M/N Harlow, Grammy Winner 🥺🥺🥺

jackharlow: LOOK AT MY BABY GO 😭😭😭

y/ninsta: jackharlow you make my heart go BOOM! 🙈

urbanwyatt: you deserve all that and more, so proud of you!

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt thank you for never letting me give up

lilnasx: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

danivalentine: I always tell you every day how much your hard work will pay off! Look at my baby sister! A Grammy winner!

2forwoyne: I told you this morning that award was yours!

y/ninsta: 2forwoyne you definitely did!

shloob_: don't tell me 2forwoyne is psychic now!

quiiso: 2forwoyne gimme the lottery numbers if you are

y/ninsta: quiiso I don't think he's that well developed in his skills yet lol

yungskylark: y/ninsta yeah the only thing he knows how to do is steal food

2forwoyne: not the 2fo slander on this fine Sunday evening

allthingsy/n: QUEEN!! CONGRATULATIONS!

urbandjack: who else cried during her speech when she dedicated her award to jackharlow?

jackharlowsource: urbandjack ME! They're so cute!

saweetie: so proud of you honey bun! my best friend is a real bad bitch!

y/ninsta: saweetie I love youuuu

jackharlow: y/ninsta BABEEEEEEEE!!!!

y/ninsta: jackharlow yes pookie?

jackharlow: y/ninsta stoppppp you know how I get when you call me that 🙈

y/ninsta: jackharlow aww! still love that I can make you blush after close to eleven years!

claybornharlow: my sister-in-law y/ninsta stepping on necks since '98

druski2funny: y/ninsta jackharlow yall need to sign up for AARP. got damn yall old.

jackharlow: druski2funny lmaooo shut up anyway y/ninsta???

y/ninsta: jackharlow 👀

jackharlow: y/ninsta come here and let me show you how proud I am of you 😏

urbanwyatt: NO. ENOUGH.

jackharlow: urbanwyatt your room isn't even next to ours!

urbanwyatt: jackharlow OH AND THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT BETTER?

jackharlow: urbanwyatt I thought so at least

neelamthadhani: I'm the one you all should feel sorry for 🙄

urbanwyatt: neelamthadhani thanks for being a team player!

Liked by y/ninsta, jackharlow, quiiso, danivalentine, 2forwoyne, urbanwyatt, djdrama, and 1,630,924 others

privategarden: OUR FIRST LADY WON A GRAMMY! The first of many to come for PG! We are so proud of you!

djdrama: so well deserved!! congrats again y/ninsta! I knew you were destined for greatness the first time we met!

y/ninsta: djdrama my make-up has gone to shit tonight because I keep crying lol

urbanwyatt: THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND AND IMMA STICK BESIDE HER!

yungskylark: this is only the beginning for the queen! just wait until yall hear the fire that coming your way

jackharlow: can't believe this gorgeous lady is my wife and has been for five years 😭

y/ninsta: jackharlow and a lifetime to go

quiiso: jackharlow you have been in your simp era since 14 and I have to say that I do love it

2forwoyne: they are definitely going to be buried in the same casket when their time is up 😭

dualipa: 2forwoyne not if I can help it, congratulations cutie pie!

jackharlow: dualipa I will kick your ass if you come in here starting shit

dualipa: jackharlow she's going to be with me and there's nothing you can do about it

jackharlow: dualipa my blow torch has your name on it

y/ninsta: BABY CUT IT OUT!

jackharlow: quiiso she wasn't getting rid of me that easily lmao

claybornharlow: jackharlow I guess not, litle stalker

jackharlow: CLAY CUT THE SHIT!

urbandjack: I feel that there's a story behind that comment

claybornharlow: urbandjack I'll save it for another time lol

jackharlowsource: we love a supportive wife and husband!!

urbandjack: joint album anybody?

maggieharlow: so proud of my daughter! well deserved!!

y/ninsta: maggieharlow thank you mom 🥰

nemoachida: love you mamas! congratulations!

jackharlow: y/ninsta it's only up from here my baby

y/ninsta: jackharlow it sure is because one already has your name on it for next year

Taglist:

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